#only to turn around and discriminate against trans people because you think sexuality is diverse and expansive but somehow gender isnt?!!?

[archangeldyke-all]

wow, okay, transphobia isn't fucking welcome on this blog! and if you have a problem with that i'll block you, bitch!

[southeastasianists]

Carolyn* can never get out of her head the memory of her parents bringing her to conversion therapy. The transwoman from South Sulawesi was 13 then, and society expected her to identify as male in accordance with her biological sex at birth.

“Deep inside, I kept telling myself that I’m not sick, that I’m okay,” she recalled.

Carolyn experienced ruqyah firsthand, a form of conversion therapy imbued with Islamic exorcism that is common among Muslim communities in Indonesia. Carolyn’s parents explained away her feminine expression as the work of a malevolent female demon.

At the time, the teenager did not fully grasp the situation she was in. She agreed to go along with her parents’ wishes due to her deeply embedded fear of sin.

Carolyn was taken before the local cleric, who prayed to expel the female demon in her body. The cleric also asked her parents to leave her with him for a few days so she could undergo several rituals.

“But at that time, I refused. I wanted to go home and didn’t want to be there. I was fine, I cried and said to my mom, ‘Mom, I want to go home, I’m fine,’” she said.

After begging her mother, Carolyn’s mother finally agreed to send her home on one condition: she had to stop expressing feminine traits and stop hanging out with her female friends. Carolyn repressed her feminine expression for several years after that day.

“To be honest, I felt very tortured. I felt very tortured mentally,” Carolyn confessed.

Carolyn said she placed a lot of pressure on herself over the years. She never felt that she was a man. She was always more comfortable expressing herself as a woman. In the final year of high school, Carolyn decided to stop lying to herself and her family. She ran away from home and learned to become a hairdresser at a salon that accepted her gender expression.

In the early days of Carolyn’s emancipation journey, her past and concerns over her identity continued to haunt her. Not a day went by that she didn’t fear persecution, socializing with others, fully expressing herself, all the while saddened by the irreparable burned bridge with her family.

Even now, at the age of 32, Carolyn is still traumatized by her conversion therapy experience. She gets easily triggered by watching religious TV shows or films that feature ruqyah scenes.

But ultimately she believes that she made the right choice, because nothing can take away her freedom to fully express herself as a woman and her achievement of becoming a fully functioning adult in a society that generally does not tolerate her people.

“I also feel comfortable and feel very relieved that in the end, I can accept myself as a transwoman. I feel like I have found myself. This is me, I am a transwoman,” she stresses.

In contrast to Carolyn, Sofia*, a lesbian living in the capital, was encouraged by her family to undergo ruqyah when she was old enough. By that time, she was mature enough to make her own decisions; and so she ran away from them.

“At that time, I was 25 years old and I was studying for my master’s degree. My position was quite privileged, right?” Sofia said.

Living in Jakarta, Sofia was more exposed to open discussions on the issues of gender and sexuality. When her mother asked her to go to therapy, Sofia was already certain about her sexual orientation. Furthermore, she had been involved in the advocacy for gender and sexuality issues.

“So I think there was nothing to lose at that time, and my identity is the core of my life,” she said.

However, Sofia’s refusal for therapy did not sit well with her family. She said they still pressured her “recover” to the point that they used violence against her.

“But I didn’t want to. I insisted because they already know me as a lesbian, so why do I have to back off?” she said.

Sofia believes that her knowledge of diversity in gender expression and sexual orientation was one of the biggest sources of courage that emboldened her to emancipate. If LGBTQ+ people are exposed to the same knowledge, Sofia said, they will be able to accept their identities and acknowledge that they’re not the problem — homophobia and conversion therapy are.

“We must fight together to convince the world that being gay is okay. You need to learn about yourself. You’re not sick. It’s society that’s sick,” she added.

Ika*, a transwoman from North Sumatra, experienced conversion therapy when she was 13, 17, and 18. The methods that she went through were quite diverse, ranging from ruqyah, to burial rituals, admission to Islamic boarding schools, and goat sacrifice.

None of them worked. And she said she had to live with the constant pressure from her parents to get rid of her feminine expression, which, according to them, was also the work of a demon.

“What should be removed from my body? Because according to their assessment, there is an evil spirit who made me like this,” Ika said.

“In my opinion, conversion therapy is bullshit.”

Ika now works for an NGO advocating to end HIV discrimination and stigma suffered by trans communities.

‘Individual will’

Conversion therapy is not a new phenomenon in Indonesia, but the matter was hotly discussed recently when several Indonesian queer activists, including Lini Zurlia and Kai Mata, received targeted ads on social media encouraging them to undergo conversion therapy.

“It feels like I was targeted by a group of people. It made me upset, especially because this is very sensitive regarding LGBTQ+ rights in Indonesia,” Kai Mata said.

“What I think the government should do is to make it illegal. I also think that LGBT people in Indonesia deserve the right to live in this country without fear.”

Attempts to contact the conversion therapy service through the ad failed as of the time of this article’s publication. Another conversion therapy center in Jakarta, which claims to use hypnotherapy as one of its “healing” methods, did not come across like it has a vendetta against LGBTQ+ people despite providing the harmful service.

“When does sexual orientation become a problem? It happens when the values that are taught ​​[by people’s environment and family] are different from their sexual orientation,” therapist Adrianto Darma Setiawan said.

Adrianto claims to have treated around 2,500 patients in the last 12 years. About 20 percent of these patients are (or were, if he succeeded) gay, lesbian, or bisexual. The standard therapy to “heal” sexual orientation consists of about about five to six hypnotherapy sessions lasting around three hours per session.

Adrianto said that some of his patients underwent therapy out of their own accord, but most were there due to encouragement or pressure from relatives. The therapist did not say how many of his patients he managed to convert, but said that “recovery” depends on the will of the individual.

The government’s failure

Imam Nahei, a commissioner at the National Commission on Violence Against Women (Komnas Perempuan), said that LGBTQ + groups in Indonesia still have a long way to receive adequate protections from the government. For as long as homophobia prevails in Indonesia, conversion therapy will remain as one of the most harmful and real threats that haunts people from minority sexual groups in Indonesia.

Nahei said that conversion therapy is an obvious human rights violation, yet the state, which should be responsible for protecting all of the country’s citizens, has not done anything to protect LGBTQ+ people from the practice.

“The state has not done anything because, in Indonesia, this issue is still very controversial as it is associated with dominant religious views,” Nahei said.

There’s little hope for progress in this regard when homosexuality and alternate forms of sexual expression are still seen as a deviation or a disorder by the country’s lawmakers, such as House of Representatives (DPR) Commission VIII Deputy Chairman Marwan Dasopang.

Marwan supports the existence of conversion therapy in Indonesia. Not only that, he wants DPR to eventually pass legislation allowing the state to provide the service to the public. If conversion therapy was normalized, he argued, patients would not experience extreme psychological trauma, such as from being forced to “recover” by their parents.

“It needs to be regulated,” Marwan said, adding that discussion on the regulation of conversion therapy are still in their infancy.

Indonesian policy makers, and even psychiatrists, have long gone against the scientific fact that homosexuality and other sexual identities are not a disease or disorder. Their stance have emboldened homophobia, which, in turn, has fostered the continued existence of conversion therapy.

Riska Carolina, director of Advocacy and Public Policy from the Support Group and Resource Center on Sexuality Studies at the University of Indonesia (SGRC UI), said among the many forms of conversion therapy in Indonesia, most are performed with ruqyah. Others who aren’t forced to go the conversion therapy route are still made to see shrinks who practice with heavy religious influence, hypnotherapists, or admitted to religious boarding schools.

“[Conversion therapy] is a threat to the LGBTQ+ community. It is persecution to the LGBTQ+ community. It violates their basic human rights. LGBTQ+ people are not a disease,” she stresses.

Riska believes that regulating conversion therapy would violate the minority groups’ rights even more than they have suffered. Even if the therapy is carried out based on patients’ willingness, Riska argued that it still validates the idea that LGBTQ+ people have mental disorders.

“Conversion therapy must be banned. It is more necessary to provide protection, even though I know that protection is still a long way off. So I prefer that, at least, [the government] treats us equally and gives us affirmative action,” she said.

“I’m ashamed to know that Indonesia is very late in terms of acceptance and it’s already 2021. You don’t need to like LGBT people, but you also don’t need to discriminate against us, especially to the level of torture. What you do with conversion therapy is torturous.”

*Carolyn, Sofia, and Ika’s real names have been omitted, at their request, to protect their identity.

[nona-gay-simus-main]

Top 10 Worst LGBTQ+ Tropes

It’s pride month so I’m talking about my least favorite LGBTQ+ tropes in media.

Disclaimer 1: Once again: my post my opinion. If you feel differently, do you. But I will assume you’re probably an asshole.

Disclaimer 2: In this post, I use the word Queer Interchangeably with LGBTQ+. If you’re uncomfortable with that, feel free to move along. If you tag my post with ‘q slur’, I will block you.

1. Bi/ Pan Character That ‘Doesn’t Use Labels.’

Why is it that gay/lesbian/straight people often just get to say what they are, but when it comes to bi/pan characters it becomes some type of extreme wordplay. “Ex lesbian”, “lower on the Kinsey scale”, “oh, I just like people, not gender.” (Yes, those are all real examples.)

Of course, there are people who don’t use specific labels, and of course, you can include that in your writing, but there seems to be a big disparity between multi-gender attracted characters who don’t use labels and everyone else, who weirdly enough, usually gets a specific label. 

Just... say the word, pal. Bisexual. Pansexual. It’s not that hard. It’s not offensive. And I’ve never met any bi/pan person who thought that erasure was all the jazz.

2. Coming Out Stories

I’m not saying that’s there’s no value in coming stories, especially ones that are in tune with the changing times, and especially coming out stories of anyone who isn’t a cis WASPy gay man (or occasionally a cis WASPy lesbian), but also, can we please get... something else. 

Like, literally anything else. Queer romcoms, lesbian mafia, bisexual vampires, gay pirates, asexual/aromantic monster-fighters, trans superheroes, nonbinary thrillers. Anything where we are allowed to just exist past our coming out and the focus isn’t how hard it is to be LGBTQ+.

It just seems like for the longest time Coming Out stories (about cis white gay people) were pretty much the only media we can exist in, and while that’s slowly starting to change in recent years, we are nowhere close to where we could be.

3. Bury Your Gays

If you have twenty characters and ten of them are queer; and if straight characters also die, then sure. I’ll let you kill a couple gays. 

But if you only have one or two queers (that also happen to be a couple) and you kill them (or you kill one half of the couple), we’re gonna have a problem.

Especially if the queer character ends up sacrificing their life to save the Straights. Just represent us in media, where we don’t die or suffer, how hard is that?

4. “Blink and You’ll Miss it” Representation

Oh, so you’re a major franchise, or maybe you’re writing a popular long-running book series and you have FINALLY added a queer character to your gigantic cast?

That’s cool. I mean it sucks it took you this long, but we all have to make progress eventually. So are they a main character? How much does their sexual orientation or gender identity affect their experiences? Who’s their love interest?

Or did you just mean they only show up for one scene and have a single line that confirms their identity, and then they disappear into the nether? 

Yeah, fuck you. That’s not representation. That’s you jerking yourself off for brownie points. Well, I’m not giving them to you.

5. Lesbians With Men

Sure, outlier cases exist, but... why do we gotta keep making stories about them?

If this is your lived experience and you want to explore it in a fictional medium, absolutely, by all means. But most of the time this story is made not by queer women, but... pretty much anyone else and it’s just. Exhausting. 

There’s a reason it’s called a “lesbian.” And if she falls in love with a man, at the very least have the decency to make it clear that she’s exploring her sexuality, and it’s cut and dry case of “turning a lesbian.” Or better yet, don’t write it at all.

6. The Trans “Twist”

Can we stop fetishizing and discriminating against (binary) trans people in this way? Trans people are just people. There’s nothing scandalous about someone being trans, and nobody is trying to trick anyone into anything. 

Stop treating being trans as this huge, insurmountable thing. Especially if your story is set in the last ten years or in an SFF context, and just portray trans folks like normal people. Please.

7. The Token Queer

There’s this group of cis allo straight friends and the one gay guy, who is also usually white, cis, middle class, etc. You know - for diversity. 

Sure, maybe if they were childhood friends, or a superhero team or something (although there’s literally nothing stopping you from making at least one more person in the group queer), but I have never in my life wanted to do anything less than constantly hang out with a group of straight people. 

The vast majority of straight people don’t make me feel safe, and I rarely have more in common with them than I do with other queer people. Also, if one person in a friend group comes out, at least two more will - this has happened to pretty much all my queer friends.

It’s far more likely to see a group of queer friends with one adopted Straight, who is a good ally, then the other way around.

8. The Awkward AroAce

There’s nothing wrong with being aromantic asexual. There’s also nothing wrong with being autistic and struggling in social situations. There’s even nothing wrong with being both of those things at the same time. And some people are indeed like that.

But why does this seem to be the only way to write aroace characters? It’s such a stereotype. 

Being aroace just don’t experience romantic and sexual attraction, it doesn’t mean you can’t make friends, or that you don’t know how to behave socially. Aside from their (lack of) sexual and romantic attractions, aroace people are just people and they come in a variety of personalities.

9. Queer Villains

I actually love queer villains. 

In a lot of stories the villain is the most fun and interesting character them being queer is a way of reclaiming things that have been used to hurt us in the past (and still are, in some cases).

But it’s still pretty problematic when this is the only queer character in the work - whether explicitly or just in coding. 

You can have a queer villain, but make at least one of your heroes queer too.

10. The Non-Human Non-Binary

I think it makes sense that some aliens, robots and otherwise non-human entities are nonbinary. Why would a robot have a human gender? Why would an alien race have the same exact gender and sex divisions as humans do?

But can we also get nonbinary representation in humans? Please? Because I don’t think that an alien is doing much to help us be more accepted, and might, in fact, be even more alienating. (ha-ha, alienating. Get it?)

To end this, because of the time we live in:

A list of organizations dedicated to helping Black people you can support.

[theexistentiallyqueer]

I’ve been meaning to write about this all day, ever since I reblogged something from a mutual that was not queerphobic, but was in response to a long chain of queerphobia.

And I really cannot put into words how dangerous this whole “queer is a slur” discourse is. Like balls to the walls destructively dangerous.

You are feeding the enemy.

There’s been so much evidence pointing out how the phrases “queer is a slur” and “q slur” tie into the rise in aphobia and the broad umbrella of TERF ideology. And that’s all really, really horrifying, and all very actively dangerous.

The reason why “queer is a slur” hits me so specifically is that people who identify as/with the concept of queer(ness) are being specifically and almost surgically targeted by the LGBTQ community at a time when the discourse has shifted away from gay (or same-gender) marriage to workplace and housing protections, specifically in America, where the arguments are based on Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, which prohibits employers from discriminating on the basis of several categories, including sex.

And while the Supreme Court is hearing three consolidated cases on discrimination against LGBTQ people, what does the highest fucking court in the land fucking focus on?

Motherfucking bathrooms.

In the year of our lord twenty-nineteen, we know TERFs are joining forces with Nazis, and the Supreme Court is turning arguments about discrimination around to ask about fucking bathrooms.

So this seems to be a very trans-specific issue, you might say! It seems to be a fixation on transness that’s making it so hard for cishets to understand the very simple issues of discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender. How does queerness factor into this?

Because queerness inherently says: Fuck your labels. Fuck labels in general. Queerness as an identity, as a movement, is about saying that don’t want to define ourselves by sexuality or gender standards that are rooted in defining ourselves in relation to heterosexuality or cisgender norms. We keep largely to ourselves, and yet a subset of our wider community has swallowed enough TERF rhetoric that they look at us and decide that we’re the problem. Not the cisgender, heterosexual patriarchy, but a relatively small collective of people who identify as queer.

And I’ve seen this. I’ve actually seen this. I’ve seen queerphobes complain about how “hard” our sexuality and gender is to understand. Because we don’t use very specific words like gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, genderfluid, etc., they can’t understand us. And the implication I take from that is that they’re afraid that if they can’t understand us, how can cishets?

What makes this so insidiously dangerous is that it obligates us to define ourselves on cishet terms. It pigeonholes lesbians into being women who aren’t attracted to men. It locks trans people into a specific role. It doesn’t allow for experimentation, or creative, or diversity, or the complete rejection of cishet standards.

Which is how we wind up in twenty-fucking-nineteen, where cases involving cis gay men devolve into questions about who will use which bathroom, and the goddamned lawyers of the claimants in these cases have to tell the Supreme fucking Court that they’re arguing in defense of cis men. IN DEFENSE OF CIS MEN. When the entire fucking bathroom debacle started over panic about TRANS WOMEN using women’s restrooms.

Because that’s the thing about the ideology used by the cishet establishment. They draw no distinction between gender and sexuality. The moment you leap to tie gender and sexuality together as equal punching bags, they leapt with glee. They don’t care that you identify very safely as an agender lesbian any more than they care that I identify as queer and queer and queer, because we are all, every single one of us, anathema to them.

Yeah, queer is a slur. They made it a slur. And they’ll keep bludgeoning it as a slur to dived our community to such a point that we don’t stand in solidarity against trans people being divested of their rights for workplace and housing equality, and poor gay and lesbian people of color are divested of their rights for workplace and housing equality, and disabled gay and lesbian people are divested of their rights to anything, while the only people who are safe are the white and/or lucky people like who work at multinational corporations that have decided embracing a pro-LGBTQ workplace policy is in their own best interest, all the while the large portion of those companies cut pay, and benefits, and hours, but never fire anyone for being too gay, too trans, to queer.

Queer is a slur because queer reclaimed makes cishets uncomfortable. Because queer includes disabled, and queer includes sex workers, and queer includes the working class. Queer is a slur because it can’t be defined into a special interest group, because the majority of people who are queer are often also disabled, and people of color, and socialist or ancoms, or any combination of the above.

You can’t pigeonhole a queer person, because queerness defies the entire concept. So in place of placing the pigeon in the hole, you’re forced to play nice with the oppression.

And that’s how we wind up in the current now, in 2019, where the Supreme motherfucking Court is debating bathroom use during cases about cis gay men, and queerphobes are ignoring that horrifying reality to complain about how “queer is a slur” on fucking tumblr.

This is a “when they came for the X” analogy, except it’s not. Because it shouldn’t be. We’re not the ones who made us this way. You can’t say, “When they came for the gay trans men, I said nothing, because I wasn’t a gay trans man,” and then say, “when they came for trans gay women, I said nothing, because I wasn’t a gay trans woman,” and then say, “When they came for the gay nonbinary people, I said nothing, because I wasn’t a gay nonbinary person.”

You were one of those things. You sacrificed one of those things to be safe. What do you think will happen? The mass shooter will look at you and say, “You identify as a bisexual nonbinary person, so I’ll spare you, because the only people I’m targeting people here are the queers”? When they come for the queers they’ll count you among us, because they never accepted you anyway.

It’s time to face reality and accept as a community that the only way we’re going to allow them to interpret us on our own terms. It’s dangerous and scary.

But it’s the fucking truth.

[andihowl]

Polyamory is queer.

Or rather, Polyamorous folk are queer if they self-identify as such.

Below, I’ll be explaining why any attempt you make to deny that is by definition gatekeeping, and why you need to stop. This will be added to / updated as I talk to more polyamorous folk and hear more of their stories. This is not a debate, I will liberally use my block button, I’m just sick of repeating myself over and over in group after group because polyphobic assholes think they can throw polyam folk under the bus and we won’t say anything. Read. Think. Do better.

Given the shared premises that “queer” is being used in it’s non-pejorative, reclamative usage as an umbrella term representing sexual and gender minorities who have been marginalized and oppressed as a direct result of their identities, and that gatekeeping members of it is an inherently shitty thing to do (goodbye swerfs, terfs, aphobes, etc.), the main reasons I see for people denying polyamorous folk into queer spaces, or into queer discussions generally read like this:

why are we even having this discussion, omg, wtf, gtfo

it’s only used by skeezy heterobros who are looking to get a second girlfriend

it’s only used by skeezy “bi” couples who are unicorn hunting

there are oppressive countries around the world who are practicing polygamy and that’s certainly not good

it’s a kink

it’s a choice

it’s a practice, not an identity

it’s a relationship dynamic, not a sexual orientation or gender identity

everyone wants to be polyam anyway, it’s not an oppressed class.

I'm personally polyamorous, and I don't see it as an identity

I'm uncomfortable with cis-het-allo folk claiming the term queer

These arguments can be categorized more or less into the following main sections:

The Disregard

why are we even having this discussion, omg, wtf, gtfo

By disengaging conversation about this, you are preventing the growth and learning of the community, and you need to knock your shit off. Only through critically assessing our own behavior and the behavior of the community with which we engage can we ever hope to make ourselves, and our world, any better.

The Bad Actors

it’s only used by skeezy heterobros who are looking to get a second girlfriend

or

it’s only used by skeezy “bi” couples who are unicorn hunting

This is one of the weakest arguments against this, and one of the quickest debunked. Simply put, all identities have bad actors. I've certainly interacted with gay men who haven't taken no for an answer. I've certainly met bisexual people who have used their sexuality as an excuse to cheat on their partners. Just because bad actors exist within a community, does not invalidate the entire identity. You cannot hope to have such a diverse group of people from such diverse backgrounds and upbringings and mental health statuses and economic statuses and expect them all to behave and think the the same homogenous way. Not all gays are alike. Not all trans folk are alike. Not all polyam folk are alike. Deal with it, move on.

Conflation

there are oppressive countries around the world who are practicing polygamy and that’s certainly not good

or

it’s a kink

Polyamory =/= polygamy. Stop conflating the two. Polyamory (when referring to the practice) is the egalitarian ethical practice of non-monogamy between consenting adults. Polygamy is an authoritarian tool used by patriarchal societies to oppress and silence women, most often without consent. Stop conflating, and move on.

Also, Polyamory is not a kink. To call something a kink, you are tacitly and wilfully admitting that the behavior in question is and should be seen as deviant in society, and derives sexual pleasure out of that deviancy. Polyamory is not, at least not in any healthy relationships I've seen, practiced in such a shameful manner. If you're equating the two, maybe you should address your own underlying phobias regarding polyamory rather than gatekeeping others.

The Choice

it’s a choice

or

it’s a practice, not an identity

or

it’s a relationship dynamic, not a sexual orientation or gender identity

These are a bit trickier of a discussion. No, the United States, nor any other country offcially recognizes polyamory as a valid sexual orientation to be protected under federal law. And yes, some people feel they opt-in to a "polyamorous lifestyle". There have been studies conducted on this, and while many respondents to do not classify their polyamory as an orientation, many others did respond saying that they felt they were wired that way, that they felt they were that way since childhood, that monogamous relationships always felt wrong for them.

The polyamory community houses both types of folk, those who feel it's a lifestyle, as well as those who feel it is deeply engrained. As polyadvice writes (specifically toward other polyam folk):

Is polyamory an orientation? Why do we care? Why are we so caught up in whether the way we love other people is a way of being or a way of doing? Why do I get this question so often, and why are we all so invested in the answer?

  If you experience your polyamory as an innate part of your self, as something you are rather than something you do, great. It’s part of your orientation. We can split semantic hairs and say it’s a “relationship orientation” as opposed to a “sexual orientation.” Some people don’t experience it that way, and that’s fine too.

  What’s not fine is if we start fighting about it and make it some big political or identity-political issue within the [polyam] community. Because you know what? The rest of the world doesn’t care nearly as much about the nuances of our definitions. They’re prepared to deny us health insurance, child custody, media representation, hospital visitation, and plenty else regardless of whether we sort this out amongst ourselves. If we start turning on each other, there’s no one to have our backs.

Simply put, it's none of your damn business if it's an orientation or a choice. Even if it is a choice, as Michael Carey with Slate wrote:

We are all human first. Everything else—nationality, sex, race, orientation—is secondary, and irrelevant to our fundamental rights. As Brian D. Earp recently argued in “Future Tense,” even if homosexuality becomes a choice, mutable under pharmacological “treatment,” it should still be regarded as part of the normal range of human behavior. We should agree on the principle that anyone pursuing consensual, loving, respectful relationships, forming happy families, and participating productively in society should be welcomed, not ostracized in the name of irrational, ossified stigma.

Not Oppressed

everyone wants to be polyam anyway, it’s not an oppressed class.

Hooooooooold up there partner. Y'all gotta be kidding me. Let's put aside the fact that one of the most common thing's polyam folk hear when they come out to people is "well, that's nice, but I could never do it myself". Let''s put aside the comments/sneers of "so you just sleep with whoever you want?", or the automatic assumption that polyam folk are sluts/skeezes/sex-addicts/cheaters.

The fact of the matter is, for someone who is polyamorous, there are no legal protections for them, whether they be for housing, employment, or medical care (in any of the 50 United States or any other country that I'm aware of). That means if someone is outed at work, they can be fired on the spot for that reason. They can be kicked out of their apartment, lose their home, or be denied medical coverage because of it. Polyamorous relationships are not recognized as valid spouses in hospital situations, they cannot receive tax benefits for their relationship, and they are routinely denied next of kin rights and inheritance. Loss of child custody is common, as family courts do not recognize polyamory as a valid responsible child-rearing environment (which experience and common sense can tell us otherwise)

It's bad enough that Ann Sweeny argued in 2010 in favor of legally expanding the definition of sexual orientation to include polyamory to help protect polyam folk against these kind of grievances (you can download the original pdf argument at that link, it's a long but interesting read). An excerpt:

... polyamorists risk custody loss, workplace discrimination, loss of friends, alienation from their families, and ostracism from spiritual and other communities as a result of revealing their polyamory. In addition, their children often face discrimination at school. Indeed, in one study, nearly half of [polyam] respondents reported having experienced prejudice as a result of their polyamory. Additionally, Emens has noted that the “social hostility [against relationships involving more than two people] sustains various legal burdens on polyamorists, including two-person marriage and partnership laws, adultery and bigamy laws, [and] residential zoning laws.” Furthermore, Rambukkana documented negative reactions to the formation of an on-campus polyamory group that included the university newspaper’s public ridicule of the group on the basis that the group was comprised of “a bunch of ‘culty’ sex maniacs” and the suggestion that the group was a “recruitment machine” that sucked people in “‘with promises of sex and more sex.’”

She goes on to argue:

These forms of discrimination are considerable, and they have the potential to impose severe, indeed devastating, burdens on individuals who espouse polyamory... The many ways that monogamy (as represented by marriage) is privileged under the law, while non-monogamy is burdened, demonstrate that non-monogamous persons, including polyamorists, are oppressed under an “organising principle of inequality” and therefore that they meet Cooper’s test for extension of legal protections.

Honestly, go read that article. It lays out a lot more than I could ever hope to properly summarize here, and outlines pretty succinctly why polyamory is an oppressed class.

What goes for me goes for everyone

I'm personally polyamorous, and I don't see it as an identity

First off, wonderful! Thank you for being polyam and for demonstrating your courage and representation in a world that wants to erase you. Full stop.

Second off. It's fine if you don't feel like your polycraft is inherently part of your identity. That's allowed. Many Nonbinary folk don't feel trans describes their experience; many gay men don't like to use the term queer. That's fine, that's your biz. That doesn't mean that holds the same for everyone else, though, and you shouldn't be limiting the voice and power of others because you have enough privelege to disregard opression you may experience. They do deserve a voice, they do deserve rights, and you consistently chiming in saying "Well I don't" isn't helping the conversation, it's distracting and beside the point.

One person's experience with a community is not necessarily representative of an entire identity's experience with it, and you don't get to claim the right to silence the voices and experences of others in your community.

The Personal Appeal

I'm uncomfortable with cis-het-allo folk claiming the term queer

Well, I'm sorry you are uncomfortable. Honestly. It sucks. However dealing with an expanding and inclusive community is and should be uncomfortable. It should force us to ask questions we didn't want to ask. It should make us rethink things we once thought were firm and held dear.

But just as -allo was added to cis-het bring light to the added axis of identity and oppression that is the asexuality spectrum, it's about time we added -mono to that, to bring to light the fact that being polyam, and being polyam + other identities, brings with it unique problems and unique pride that is deserving of attention, and deserving a seat at the table.

Included Links and Additional Resources

CW: some of these links use the nickname "poly" for "polyamorous" rather than "polynesian". Inclusion here is not an endorsement of that kind of usage, as I have tried to refrain from that usage here and in my everyday conversation. Additionally, I have replaced its usage in the above quotations with [polyam] to prevent further crawlers linking to it.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201610/is-polyamory-form-sexual-orientation

(http://polyadvice.tumblr.com/post/114048167048/this-might-be-a-question-you-get-often-but-is

https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/10/is-polyamory-a-choice.html

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1632653

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/polyamorous-excluded-queer/

https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2013/12/dan-savage-is-poly-queer.html

https://www.autostraddle.com/six-queers-on-polyamory-and-identity-419254/

[patriotsnet]

How Many Gay Republicans Are There

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/how-many-gay-republicans-are-there/

How Many Gay Republicans Are There

List Of Lgbt Politicians In The United States

How Many GOP State Senators Are There, Adam?

This is a chronological list of openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender politicians who have held office in the United States. Historical figures are included only if there is documented evidence of an open queer identity.

Most out LGBT politicians in the U.S. are part of the Democratic Party, which has taken a more favorable stance than Republicans towards LGBT rights.

Nbc Outcourt Orders Idaho To Provide Gender Surgery For Trans Inmate

Despite the backlash to the Trump endorsement, Charles Moran, the groups national spokesperson, told NBC News the group has no plans to rescind its support for the president as it was a universal decision determined by the board of directors and chapters.

When asked whether Henry was involved in the endorsement decision, Moran said he could not speak to that as he was not on the phone call during her resignation but that he and the board thank her for her service to the Log Cabin Republicans.

Henrys departure comes just weeks before the groups Sept. 17 Spirit of Lincoln reception in D.C. The annual event has typically included a dinner and reception featuring high-profile Republican attendees, but this year there will only be a reception.

Were seeing a lot of what I thought would happen: A lot of prominent leaders are leaving the group, Evans told NBC News. We need a Republican group that advocates for LGBTQ issues, but the Log Cabin Republicans have sent the message that this is not their priority.

While Democrats Take The Lesbian And Gay Community For Granted Donald Trumps Republican Party Is Delivering Real Results

Democrats are using their convention this week to tout their agenda for the next four years, including their promise to stand up for the lesbian and gay community. For years, Democratic Party leaders have taken for granted the lesbian and gay community along with other minority communities thinking they had no where else to turn. Those days are over.;

Ive fought for civil rights for gay Americans for the past four decades. Today, the Republican Party is delivering real results and leadership for our community:

It hasnt always been this way. For years, the GOP generally stood against the inclusion of gay and lesbian conservatives. As one of the Republican National Committees first openly gay members, and a longtime leader of Log Cabin Republicans, Ive worked tirelessly alongside many friends and colleagues to pull the party into the future. Today, thanks in large part to the leadership of President Donald;Trump, the party has delivered meaningful policy victories for gays and lesbians.;

He didnt abandon these principles when he assumed his position behind the Resolute Desk.;

Don’t Miss: Why Are Democrats And Republicans So Divided

Log Cabin Republicans V United States

A lawsuit filed by LCR in federal court challenging the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, which excludes homosexuals from openly serving in the U. S. military, went to trial on July 13, 2010, presided by Judge Virginia Phillips. LCR argued that the policy violates the rights of homosexual military members to free speech, due process and open association. The government argued that DADT was necessary to advance a legitimate governmental interest. LCR introduced several admissions by President Barack Obama, including that DADT “doesn’t contribute to our national security,” “weakens our national security,” and that reversing DADT is “essential for our national security”. Rather than address plaintiff’s claims or bring evidence to support their own claims of national interest, the government relied exclusively on the policy’s 1993 legislative history.

On September 9, 2010, Phillips ruled in favor of plaintiffs, finding that DADT violates the First and Fifth Amendments to the United States Constitution.

On September 29, 2011, the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit vacated the district court’s decision, ruling that the legislative repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell” by President Barack Obama and the outgoing Democratic congressional majority in December 2010 rendered the case moot. The dismissal left the lower court ruling without value as precedent.

Support Metro Weeklys Journalism

These are challenging times for news organizations. And yet its crucial we stay active and provide vital resources and information to both our local readers and the world. So wont you please take a moment and consider supporting Metro Weekly with a membership? For as little as $5 a month, you can help ensure Metro Weekly magazine and MetroWeekly.com remain free, viable resources as we provide the best, most diverse, culturally-resonant LGBTQ coverage in both the D.C. region and around the world. Memberships come with exclusive perks and discounts, your own personal digital delivery of each weeks magazine , access to our Member’s Lounge when it launches this fall, and exclusive members-only items like Metro Weekly Membership Mugs and Tote Bags! Check out all our membership levels here and please join us today!

Also Check: Why Do Republicans Hate John Mccain

Hawaii And South Dakota

At the start of this election cycle, only three U.S. states Hawaii, South Dakota and Mississippi had no openly LGBTQ elected officials at any level of government. This year, candidates in Hawaii and South Dakota hoped to get their states off that list.

However, in Hawaii, Adrian Tam who upset a 14-year incumbent in the August Democratic primary for the state House of Representatives defeated Republican Nicholas Ochs, making him Hawaiis only openly LGBTQ elected official.

Why Dont They Support Gay Rights

The reason why gay Republicans dont argue for gay rights is that they dont need to care. They wont get subject to any physical attacks or abuses for being gay. For example, Peter Thiel is a rich Silicon Valley billionaire. He doesnt deal with homophobia because he can just buy out your company and fire you. Hell never be subject to a hate crime because he can afford private security. People like Guy Benson, while not a filthy rich billionaire, also have a lot of privilege. He looks straight presenting, so he wont get harassed by strangers for being gay.

When you become rich and privileged enough, the problems that affect people in your situation completely disappear, and it allows you to not care about the issues that pertinently affect your community.

Whether people like them or not, gay Republicans will still exist, but they need to stop taking credit for advancing gay rights because they never did.

Also Check: Why Do Republicans Oppose The Affordable Care Act

Poll: Large Majorities Including Republicans Oppose Discrimination Against Lesbian Gay Bisexual And Transgender People By Employers And Health Care Providers

Half Say Society Hasnt Gone Far Enough in Accepting Transgender People

Large majorities of Americans think it should be illegal for either employers or health care providers to discriminate against people because they are lesbian, gay or bisexual, or transgender, a new KFF poll finds. This includes large majorities of Republicans, independents and Democrats across a range of questions about such discrimination.

The poll gauges the publics views following two major developments this month that move in opposite directions on LGBTQ protections. First, the Trump administration finalized regulations removing protections based on sexual orientation and gender identity in health care, arguing that the definition of sex does not extend to either. Then last week the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that gender identity and sexual orientation are protected under the definition of sex discrimination in the workplace.

The poll finds:

9 in 10 in ten adults agree with last weeks Supreme Court ruling, say it should be illegal for employers to fire or refuse to hire people because they are lesbian, gay, or bisexual or transgender .

About 9 in 10 say it should be illegal for doctors or other health care providers to refuse to treat people because they are lesbian, gay, or bisexual or transgender .

85% say it should be illegal for health insurance companies to refuse to pay for health care services for people who are transgender.

Other findings include:

Topics

Gay Republicans Explain Why They Are Proudly Supporting Donald Trump

The Gay Minority – How Many Americans Are Gay?

Trump was the GOP nominee to positively refer to the gay community at the RNC.

Gay Republicans Say Why They’re Supporting Donald Trump

— Charles Moran, a gay Trump delegate from California, was standing just feet from the stage at the Republican National Convention when he heard billionaire PayPal co-founder Peter Thiel give his now-famous speech.

Every American has a unique identity. I am proud to be gay. I am proud to be a Republican, Thiel told a cheering crowd at the RNC in Cleveland this past July.

Thiel made history that night as the first openly gay RNC speaker, and this week he doubled down on his Donald Trump endorsement, donating $1.25 million to his campaign.

Thiel sits on the board of , and so when many in the online community lashed out at him for supporting Trump, Facebook founder stepped in to defend him, writing in a post, There are many reasons a person might support Trump that do not involve racism, sexism, xenophobia or accepting sexual assault.

Moran said listening to Thiels speech was an incredible moment.

This is my Republican Party, Moran said. This is what I’m here for. This is the candidate I’m here to nominate. The guy who brings somebody like Peter Thiel to the deck and puts him up on stage — that’s my Republican Party.

As Trumps chances of winning the election appear to continue to drop in the waning days of his campaign, many gay conservatives, an unexpected segment of the Republican Party, are still backing him.

You May Like: Do Republicans Support Same Sex Marriage

Nbc Outtrump Applauds Poll Showing 45 Percent Support Among Gay Men

Kazmierczak called Trump a staunch supporter of gay people and their rights, but he said he makes a distinction when it comes to religious groups.

“He doesn’t want gay rights forced on religious institutions,” Kazmierczak said. “It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t support gay people. It means that to him, religious freedom is more important than social issues.”

Trump made a halfhearted effort to court the LGBTQ community in the run-up to the 2016 presidential election. He called the massacre of 49 mostly LGBTQ people at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida, that year an “assault on the ability of free people to live their lives, love who they want and express their identity.”

At the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Trump swore “to protect our LGBTQ citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology.”

And two days before Election Day, he grabbed an upside-down Pride flag inscribed with “LGBT for Trump” at a rally in Colorado and waved it around.

Once in office, however, Trump has consistently opposed LGBTQ rights from rolling back Obama-era nondiscrimination protections to banning openly transgender service members in the military. The national LGBTQ rights group GLAAD has accused the Trump administration of 181 separate attacks on the community since his inauguration.

President made history for #LGBT Americans and nobody knows that better than . #GetOUTspoken

LogCabinRepublicans

Women Young Adults Have Highest Estimations Of Us Gay Population

U.S. women estimate that about three in 10 Americans are gay or lesbian — the highest of any key subgroup, and much higher than men’s perceptions .

Meanwhile, average estimates of the U.S. gay population vary by age. Adults aged 18 to 29 offer the highest estimate , and adults aged 65 and older, the lowest .

Among political partisans, Democrats and independents estimate that about a quarter of Americans are gay or lesbian, while the average approximation among Republicans is a bit lower .

Even the groups offering the lowest average estimates of gays and lesbians in the U.S. exceed Gallup’s figure on all LGBT identification by about four times.

Mean estimate

Gallup, May 15-30, 2019

You May Like: How Many Democrats And Republicans Are In The House

Back Into The Wider World

After Bakers speech, the groups first female chairman, Sarah Longwell, announced the afterparty was at Nellies, a popular gay/sports bar with a weekend drag-queen brunch. You boys enjoy yourselves, she said, Ive got kids at home. Someone appeared in a skin-tight Make America Great Again dress and posed for photos in front of the Log Cabin logo with the dress designer; they were the most exotically outfitted attendees:

Online, Democratic critics unsheathed their knives. Your org has accomplished nothing in 40 fucking years as the GOP has gone from bad to worse to Trump on your watch, the activist and advice columnist;Dan Savage wrote;in response to a cheery tweet from Angelo celebrating the night. Go fuck yourselves Log Cabin Republicans, Savage wrote.

At the Mayflower, after a few minutes of post-speech;networking chatter, much of the room cleared out.

Outside the grand ballroom two women in pantsuits walked down the wide marble hallway from the party. They casually held hands for a moment, then unclasped as they approached the crowded lobby.

Next to the front door stood a group of men in well-cut suits in shades of charcoal. It was impossible to tell if they were they from the Log Cabin event or part of the Mayflowers regular carousel of business guests.

And that, the Log Cabin Republicans would tell you, is exactly the point.

Working For Lgbt Americans

In 2019, Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar announced that pharmaceutical company Gilead Sciences;Inc., would donate pre-exposure prophylaxis medication for uninsured, high-risk HIV individuals.

As part of the president’s Ending the HIV Epidemic: A Plan for America initiative, this medication, which could run up to as much as $20,000 per patient, per year, would be distributed to up to 200,000 individuals each year through at least Dec.;31, 2025.;

The Trump plan is focused on communities most in need and has received;support from those who have been involved in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

In similar fashion, Trump announced during Pride Month in 2019 that his administration was launching a global campaign to end the criminalization of homosexuality. His leadership on this issue couldnt be more necessary;;even in 2020, 72 countries;still identify same-sexual orientation as criminal, including eight;where it is punishable;by death.;

This campaign was spearheaded by former U.S. Ambassador to Germany Richard Grenell, an openly gay member of the administration who subsequently served as acting director of U.S. national intelligence, becoming the first openly gay Cabinet member in our history. In coordination with the United Nations, the European Union and other human rights organizations,;the campaigns goal is to pressure nations into ending homophobic laws, securing the safety and freedom of all LGBT individuals throughout the world.

Also Check: Which Republicans Voted Against The Budget Resolution

Lgbt Demographics Of The United States

This article is missing information about LGBT demographics in the U.S. territories. Please expand the article to include this information. Further details may exist on the talk page.

The demographics of sexual orientation and gender identity in the United States have been studied in the social sciences in recent decades. A 2017 Gallup poll concluded that 4.5% of adult Americans identified as LGBT with 5.1% of women identifying as LGBT, compared with 3.9% of men. A different survey in 2016, from the Williams Institute, estimated that 0.6% of U.S. adults identify as transgender.

Studies from several nations, including the U.S., conducted at varying time periods, have produced a statistical range of 1.2 to 6.8 percent of the adult population identifying as LGBT. Online surveys tend to yield higher figures than other methods, a likely result of the higher degree of anonymity of Internet surveys, and demographic of those utilizing online platforms which elicit reduced levels of socially desirable responding. The U.S. Census Bureau does not ask about sexual orientation in the United States Census.

Burning During The War Of 1812

On August 2425, 1814, in a raid known as the , British forces invaded the capital during the . The , , and were burned and gutted during the attack. Most government buildings were repaired quickly; however, the Capitol was largely under construction at the time and was not completed in its current form until 1868.

Also Check: Who Gives More Democrats Or Republicans

Trans Rights: A Perplexing Issue

Like many other gay conservatives, however, he seems to disconnect gay rights and transgender rights. Kabel recalled a recent article with a quotation from the conservative activist Tony Perkins that contrasted the Democratic and Republican platforms in 2016.

“The only issue Perkins raised was the transgender bathroom issue,” Kabel said. “And I thought, ‘That means we won.'”

Kabel called transgender equality “one of the most perplexing issues going.”

“Transgender people deserve support and protection just like anybody else, but it’s a very complex issue,” he said. “It’s remarkable when you hear their stories, but it’s just a very perplexing issue about how to really address it and do it so that they’re protected but other people aren’t hurt, so that people’s religious views are actually taken into consideration.”

Transgender visibility is all but absent in the Log Cabin Republicans, from their leadership to their messaging.

An OUTSpoken Instagram post compares the LGBT left to the LGBT right by putting an image of a person who appears to be transgender or gender-nonconforming next to a shirtless picture of former U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock, while the campaigns store sells T-shirts bearing slogans like “gay for Tucker” “gay for Melania” and “gay not stupid.

OUTspoken sent Brokeback Patriot, who has stated trans women are not women, to New Orleans Southern Decadence party to ask passersby if they think Trump is pro-gay.

[infiniteglitterfall]

Oh my god I had such hopes for this article.  (Sidebar: I hate when the headline is different on social media than on the page? if you click through, instead it says “Gender identity: In conservative Nepal, it's OK to be an 'other'”)  But fuck I mean who wrote this shit and where is their goddamn AP style guide:

[[more]]  “Bhakti Shah fulfilled a dream of joining the army at 18. Four years later, soldiering turned into a nightmare.Not that Shah couldn't pass muster. But she was really a he.” -- no  all right they’re trying to lead into the Shocking Plot Twist that he’s a trans guy which is better than what they usually do with that sentence construction, but STILL NO  “where many people, even highly educated ones, would look at the Vanity Fair cover photo of Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner and gasp.” - WE DON’T DEADNAME PEOPLE THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO EXPLAIN TO YOUR AUDIENCE THAT THIS PERSON IS TRANS AND WAS FAMOUS BEFORE COMING OUT “Gay, lesbian and transgender people have long faced discrimination in Nepal” - nO NO NO FUCKING NO and also fuck you (we don’t leave out the word “bisexual”, and we don’t separate out gay and lesbian people as separate oppressed groups while implying that bi people either are not oppressed or are the same as gay and lesbian people)  (and i would bet good money that GLAAD has explained this to them already) “He was a woman when he became a soldier though he did not identify as such.” OH GOD HOW DID IT GET WORSE seriously CNN you could pay any trans person $5 to fix this for you this is why diversity in hiring, and a well-trained HR department so that you can retain that diversity, are so important  “The Himalayan nation is ahead of the curve when it comes to certain rights, despite the post-earthquake image of an impoverished, corrupt and underdeveloped land.” - what the fuck is this. you mean the colonialist image that you are one of the major proponents of spreading about like every country that isn’t majority white? that image? why are you reinforcing it if you want to pretend to be countering it? (they also undermined it first with a patronizing line i won’t repeat about how Nepal has made “surprising progress” since this person was kicked out of the military 7 years ago. fucking hell CNN have some self-awareness) “Nepal has been particularly open to recognizing its transgendered citizens.” - listen i realize that term was fine 20 years ago but nowadays when cis people say “transgendered” we all know it means “i have zero idea what I am talking about” 

and to prove that:  “A landmark 2007 ruling by Nepal's Supreme Court ordered the government to end discriminatory practices against the estimated 350,000 people who make up the LGBT community and paved the way for equal rights legislation. Nepal became the first country in the region to decriminalize gay sex.” -- see if you are writing an article about trans people, this right here is where you want to make it clear whether the ruling was ONLY decriminalizing gay sex, or what else the “ending discriminatory practices” covers also whose estimate is that and how big is Nepal in comparison and what equal rights legislation has passed since then? and do you think that since that was MORE than 7 years ago you are confusing the story significantly by first saying that this guy was kicked out of the army in 2008 (it’s a 2015 story) for supposedly having “gay sex”, and then by saying that that was decriminalized the year before?  do you still have editors, CNN? “Marginalized sexual minorities, like Shah,” - bzzzzzzzt trans people are not inherently “sexual minorities” and you have given no indication that Shah is a “sexual minority” in addition to being trans  “felt empowered to assert their rights and they scored some success.” - this is just a mixed metaphor, how do you score success “The parliament is now considering legalizing same-sex marriage after a government-appointed committee issued a 150-page report in February that recommended Nepal follow positive global trends on gay rights.” - CNN I FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT BE IRREPARABLY OFF TOPIC HERE. I was told this would be a piece about “third-gender” and “being an ‘other’” and here I am knee-deep in same-sex marriage. why  “Phuyal says he'd expected a decision by now but the earthquake in April plunged Nepal into chaos and put everything on hold.” - THE EARTHQUAKE JUST HAPPENED RIGHT BEFORE YOU WROTE THIS? What the fuuuuuuuuck then why are you talking like it was forever ago motherfuckers NONE OF THIS HAPPENED AFTER THE EARTHQUAKE OH MY GOD  “Nepal added a third gender category to its census in 2011 and earlier this year, the government agreed to issue passports that would allow people to check "O" for other in the gender box if a person did not want to be identified as either male or female.” WE FINALLY MADE IT!!!! WE’RE BACK ON TRACK EVERYBODY It gets better from there tbh so I am done ranting, but there’s still a lot of fucked up subtext around sex work and shit. I do like them acknowledging that it’s just different from the US in that we have a big emphasis on gay rights and more bigotry toward trans people, and they have a big emphasis on trans rights and more bigotry toward gay people. 

And that that’s partly because “Centuries-old cultural traditions include the role of hijras, who can be eunuchs, transgender or intersex. They were celebrated in Hindu texts and held influential positions.” But they could have spent literally the entire article talking about that, and what they actually mean by “can be eunuchs transgender or intersex”, and who that does and does not include, like come on.  

And I like them quoting someone saying that "Being asked to be male or female violates our identities.” But that’s about it. 

[divinedaqueen-blog]

No Fems

I have never been afraid to express myself or own up to the things I believed in. I have been “out of the closet,” for almost 10 years now, and I have learned a lot in those 10 years. Growing up gay in the suburbs of LA where the demographic is not predominantly gay, was very limited and quite difficult. I was always the only gay kid at every school I went to. Well, there were others, but I was the only out gay guy at my school. I came out my eighth grade year to my entire school. I did it sporadically, but everyone basically caught on. People always asked over the years, of course. And even though it was totally obvious I was a flaming queen, I didn’t feel ready to say it myself. I wanted to be certain that I was gay.

So, I did all the experimenting and soul searching you can think of that any misguided gay adolescent would put themselves through to eventually say,

“AH HA!, I love penis...Well, men.”

When I knew for sure that women were never a possibility romantically for me, I was ready to own up to my sexuality. I came out to my closest friends and family first, whom were all supportive and welcomed me with open arms. I was one of the lucky ones, thank God. However, I was still a bit nervous for random classmates who asked me for years and me giving them denial in return, to finally admit to them that I love men and wished Zac Efron was waiting for me at home every day. Weirdly, once I came out, people stopped asking. People stopped bullying me. Yeah, I would hear the occasional gay slur being thrown in my direction, but nothing ever serious to prompt school administration. It was like reverse bullying, if that makes sense. The years before I came out, people always called me gay, fag, or questioned me non stop. But, now that I finally came out, and proud of it, people just left me alone, and honestly didn’t care. And that was TOTALLY fine with me. I preferred to be left alone.

Now, here we are 10 years later. I have grown up, and observed everything around me. I went through many epiphanies, men, heartbreaks, and proud moments to finally consider myself a veteran gay. A veteran gay is someone who has been out for more than 5 years and has seen enough to know enough. I have always had a huge amount of respect for the gay men from generations before me who have been out for decades and able to pull through the social bullying when being gay was an abomination and sometimes even illegal. Those are the real heroes in my eyes. They were able to make it through those hard times. And even though we have progressed a lot to this day, we still have so much work to do. There is still so much discrimination and prejudice against the LGBT community simply for being themselves. Which brings me to the reason of why I am sitting in my bed early in the morning writing this essay.

I have always been the more feminine type. I always favored things catered to women. I loved how women could be glamorous, and the endless amount of beauty products, fashion styles, and etc. they had to their disposal. So, I embraced my femininity, and never really cared for anything masculine. Of course, I loved masculine men, but not enough to make them feel superior. We as gay people come in a variety of styles. That is why the rainbow flag represents us so perfectly. We are a diverse community. We have something for everyone. But, the problem I have noticed now more than ever, is that if you are masculine, you are considered superior. If you don’t act the stereotype and prance around shouting Madonna lyrics, you are the ideal gay guy. But, why? Why should we erase, or completely disregard our feminine brothers? Why should we make them feel inferior? Why must we prove how masculine we are? Does it come from an underlying shame of coming to terms with the fact that we are gay? Must we prove how masculine we are in order to not let our sexuality define us?

I see this on an everyday basis. If you love anything stereotypically gay, you are considered less than. If you like to wear makeup, and don full drag, you are considered inferior. Sometimes, even, we are considered as a disgrace to the community. Why should we discriminate within a community that is fighting so hard to not be discriminated against? I couldn’t help but wonder, is our internal discrimination causing the external discrimination?  I can’t tell you how many guys have turned me down just because of the fact I do Drag. They start off liking me, and we hit it off great, but as soon as they see that I am a Drag performer, they completely switch and back off. Why? It got to me so many times that I started to think what I was doing was wrong. But, then I realized, why should I feel bad for being myself just because someone else doesn’t like it? Wasn’t it the fem gays and the drag queens who started the gay right revolution? They were the ones who weren’t afraid to speak out and be themselves. They were our pioneers. Now, we are so lucky to be in a world that is more accepting, but our own community discriminates just because you act fem. It is so sad, and I wish that it weren’t the case. We should embrace all types of gay men, and realize that we are all in this together, and that no one is better than the other. We all love men, we all have the same attraction towards men, and we all are fighting for equality. But how can that work when we take 10 steps backwards and hurt our own?

Right now, it is June. It’s Pride Month. This is our month to celebrate how far we have come in our gay history, and celebrate the fact that we are able to be ourselves. I just wish it were 100% genuine. We need to be there for our gay brothers and sisters for whom they are. After all, that’s what our whole purpose of fighting for equality is, right? I want you to realize that the next time you judge and completely disregard someone just because they act fem, that they are in the same boat as you, and instead of disposing them, embrace them. We are all in this together, masc, fem, lesbian, bi, trans, etc. We are one community, and we are a community with one purpose: to show that love is LOVE.

  Michael