#only thing keeping her going is her bisexuality and the reminder that 'i went off the grid while crossdressing before i can do it again'

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

happy pride month

[girl4music]

“But I can tell you this, Xena… you’re the only constant in my life, and unless you know something I don’t, I’m not going anywhere. So I’m going to say the most selfish thing I’ve ever said to you: that baby’s my baby too, and I deserve a chance to fight for it as much as you.”

- Gabrielle, ‘Them Bones, Them Bones’ (Original script dialogue.)

They knew what they were doing with this scene. Especially the way Xena AND Gabrielle’s heads turn back to the baby at exactly the same time as if they were both proud of making that little bundle of joy between their arms. Also notice how Gabrielle only steps away after a glance towards Xena and Eve, clearly assessing that they both need to be alone while she responds to Hercules' request. As if to say "You stay here, I'll take care of business."

Dialogue is rarely ever needed between these two because the body language communicates so much in small intimate scenes like this. Both the mark of great acting and great chemistry between the actresses. I've always said that it's the quiet moments that truly reveal the depth of the loving relationship between Xena and Gabrielle. Whether you see it in a romantic way or not, you cannot deny that it is not filled with unconditional love. Especially where Gabrielle is concerned.

In fact...

I'm reminded of what Ares says in the ice cave in confession to what he believes to be a dead Xena about the dichotomy between his love for Xena and Gabrielle's love for Xena.

"You're with her now. I handled you all wrong. I know that. She knew what you needed - unconditional and unselfish love - and I couldn't give that to you. But I appreciated you in ways she never could. Your rage, your violence, your beauty. When you sacrificed yourself for others, you were hers. But when you kicked ass, you were mine. I love you, Xena."

- Ares, ‘Looking Death In The Eye’.

And I back up what I say in my character study thesis. The reason why Gabrielle won Xena's affection every time wasn't just because she was good at that moment. It's because she was given a CHOICE to be good in EVERY moment. Ares never offered her that choice. It was always "be mine, or die". Gabrielle always did - she would just take herself out of the picture if Xena chose evil or stand against her.

Such a striking difference is often not spoken about in this love triangle the writers obviously intended between Xena, Gabrielle and Ares. It says that the show never really went one way or the other on the romance not just because it couldn't... But because it didn't have to. There was importance in keeping the romance balanced although many wouldn't admit to it and would rather just complain about it instead. As for me, I think it's one of the most groundbreaking things about it. Rob was definetly right about keeping it this way and I back him up on it 100%. We knew that Gabrielle had Xena's heart. However, the conflict in Xena's heart would always remain because Ares would always be around to remind her of her former life. And in so doing this, we learn that Xena could never be definitively one way or the other either. This is what made her character so damn dynamic. And why it was leagues ahead of its time in queer representation. Even today, a bisexual narrative like this is never done. Or rather - it’s done but it’s never written this well. It’s never connected to the major narratives and themes. And that’s because the queer characters are never the major characters. They’re never the actual narrative. Instead, the queer characters have to wrap around it. And that’s the wrong way of going about doing this.

I don’t care what anyone says.

Gabby was the daddy.

Or the other mother, if you prefer. Although, I would definetly say Gabrielle’s role was typically that of a father. I don’t like gender norms, roles and stereotypes either but that doesn’t mean those are off-limits to a woman.

I’ve said before that the fact Gabrielle was depicted as doing the “typical father” role means the writers were abolishing the belief that only a man can do it and therefore using gender norms, roles and stereotypes as a way to promote equality and solidarity.

If you have a problem with me calling Gabrielle the “father” of Eve, you have to understand I am speaking from the point of view they would have in their time. There was no such thing as a same-sex couple in Ancient Greece in the sense that they could marry and have children without the participation of a male figure. Of course gay couples would exist but would not be socially accepted. Hell, it wasn’t even socially accepted a decade ago. What makes you think it was then? So me referring to Gabrielle as that male figure in Eve’s life should be seen as a compliment, not an insult. I’m saying she had the capability to fill that role and she wasn’t even a man. Just like how Xena could fill the role of a warlord and she wasn’t a man. Can’t you see that I am giving them respect as people who can take on both the feminine and masculine side of situations? Xena and Gabrielle were human anomalies and that’s bloody awesome as far as I’m concerned. I wish more shows today had that kind of gender roles representation with their characters. Sadly, they don’t.

[atiianeishaunted]

some canon stfuf about the sonder cast bwaa :33 you can have ur own hcs btw id love to see them <3 but!! yeah,, i feel liek infodumping a teensy bit hrgfrhfh mainly cuz im not in an art mood 2day sigh doesnt include everyone bc this is only stuff i can think of off the top of my head atm but :3

lance: canonically bisexual, might be a trans man (havent decided? its honestly up 2 the audience, could go either way), was a huge moviestarplanet player when he was a kid, would probably play dress to impress methinks, for the LONGEST time was convinced something was going on between allura and keith and was insanely jealous and bitter, has the worst gaydar ever TRUST, figured out he was bisexual while playing msp but it only got worse when he met keith and hes really pissed about it

keith: gay as hell but hasnt exactly processed or accepted it (just knows hes scared of women) (for many reasons), transgender (will respond to anything besides feminine pronouns n such), most likely did his own piercings dont ask how or why, allura is the only woman thus far hes comfortable with because she reminds him of a certain someone, allura and him r huge gossips, jack of all trades but really does not know what hes good at like he doesnt know a thing about himself (one time lance challenged him to try out his sniper bc they got into an argument and keith was surprisingly good at it, he was evidently more confused than lance somehow?) (think that one family guy audio where s liek "how r u doing that" "i dunno ;;; O_O"), if you ask him ANYTHING about himself he will most likely just say "yeah i dont rememebr" or "I dont know", often talks very old school and "retro" (in lance's words), surprisingly a decent cook/baker, not as good as hunk of course but can keep up, despite this it was revealed in a conversation with hunk that keith was eating glass among other inedible things while going crazy in the desert (his feral era <3), can diy explosives among other things and no one acknowledges it because it scares them, this boy is very autistic, audhd in fact, im right and you all know it allura: lesbian but doesnt realize it just yet, would probably love the idea of neo/xenopronouns she'd find them whimsical, surprisingly prefers moths over butterflies (mainly after a talk she and keith had one night), huge gossip and loves romance but not in a "i need to date a man" way but "i want to play cupid" (think mabel from gravity falls) (she did have a phase of being boy crazy but that quickly went away when she was brought out of stasis), she loves dressing up but mainly dresses down and more casually because she doesnt go out as much thanks to altea going kaput and all that, she adores gardening and likes to make dyes and such from her flowers, huge diy queen (TRUSTT) she can sew and all that, probably real crafty, keith and allura are close friends and both extremely out of touch with normal human people, she frequently asks him for advice due to their closeness and they just make eachother worse /aff, unironically used wicked in a sentence and was very proud of it (lance almost threw keith out of an airlock for this one), not the best cook but tries her best and is fairly confident with her skills (vicecore if you play alchemy stars) (keith almost banned her from the kitchen) (they agreed on supervised kitchen hours)

pidge: aroace and agender, literally a chronically online cosplayer tech nerd, probably has been cancelled multiple times to the point where matthew had to take every piece of tech they had in the house, has doxxed people before, obsessed with vocaloid and anime, wants to get piercings really bad but their parents wont let them, uses any pronouns and if you ask for their gender they will change their answer everytime or answer with something silly like "the void", their favorite person is Hunk but beyond that prefers robots and tech as their companions, keith is their favorite victim of pranks (save him), the only one who isnt scared of keith even a little bit, evil scientist coded, too smart for their own good, not very socially smart and misses social cues but doesnt really care, very picky about the food they consume, iconic 13-14 year old who is a bit too excited at the prospect of having an excuse to build weapons

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

Warning: incoherent rant incoming, BUT i finally watched the undiscovered country ep a few hours ago and oh my fucking god. It definitely could be worse but also if u remove the entire concept from your typical law and order svu dramatiques its just. So so so funny. The Barba baby euthanasia episode is real and it can hurt me . Utterly ridiculous. His dad died fifteen years ago but he also died seven years ago. Six seasons. He was here for six seasons and during those seasons we were told one (1) thing about this mans backstory and they rewrote it. Just like that. Because fuck continuity ig. I can count the amount of times we ve gotten to see barba outside of a work setting, the places we ve seen him go to during those six seasons on my fingers, easyyyy no problem. and one of those times, one of those places is a hospital room. A hospital room where he pulls the plug! He pulls the plug of a babys life support!!! For a woman he barely knows??? Im??? Speechless???! If i could be any animal, any animal of my choice, i would want to be a fly in the law and order special victims unit's writing room, a fly on their wall, during this beautiful, beautiful meeting during which the "barba kills a brain dead baby and quits his job forever" plotline was proposed. Because its genuinely such a baffling idea. And i get it. I really do. They had to write him off somehow, Raúl wanted to go back to Broadway, he had to play the role of a bisexual chess player. Good for him . But they could have written literally anything else. Anything. Something that didn't involve dead babies or dramatic hospital visits. The only thing that can save me now, the only thing that can keep me sane after this mess is getting really really really into chess the musical, just to remind myself the why and that it was all worth it in the end. Also despite my initial intentions, i kept watching s19 after barbas dramatic departure and oh my god. These people are a mess. they have no idea what they are doing. Barba left and everything went to complete and utter shit. Carisi is breaking down and instructing his niece to commit perjury. Cassidy got accused of murder. Benson is hiding a fugitive in her apartment. Its hilarious. These people are hopeless. Its 4 am.

[chaosandcrimson]

no way is that CINDER GLASS.. they're a 28-year-old SYNTH notoriously known for being FRACTURED & IMMODEST but there are some people who have seen them being NIMBLE & OBSERVANT. if you ask me, they remind me a lot of a wardrobe of black catsuits, dropping down from the skylight into a room full of valuables, and having no concept of your own identity, but that could just be because they're considered the KARMIC THIEF around town. just keep an eye on them & see if their true colors shine through..

Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist And we'll move to an island

OVERVIEW

Name: Cinder Glass

FKA: Savannah Georgia Parker

Nickname(s): Cindy (only by Wes)

DOB: December 7, 2096

Age: 28

FC: Imogen Poots

Height: 5'4"

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Occupation: Thief

Relationship Status: Single (Closed)

[+] artful, nimble, observant [–] aggressive, immodest, fractured

BIOGRAPHY

tw: parental control, emotional abuse, medical abuse, death

Savannah Parker was created in the middle of a whirlwind romance between her mother Portia and a handsome man of means. He was convinced that it was love, but what he didn't know was that Portia was an accomplished con artist, and she had specifically targeted him to give her what she really wanted—a perfect accomplice that she could tailor to her liking.

Shortly after they picked her up, Portia vanished into the night with their synth daughter and was never heard from again. A highly controlling and self-involved woman, she never really came to care for Savannah as a person, seeing her as a means to an end at best, and as her property at worst.

At first, she was little more than a prop in her mother's cons and her only job was to be there and look cute; but as she grew older, Portia began writing bigger and bigger roles for her. However, rather than teach her how to lie as convincingly as she did, she simply took Savannah to get reprogrammed with a different identity—implanted memories and all—whenever they started a new scheme.

As if repeatedly rewriting her life story and personality wasn't enough, Portia also controlled every aspect of her daughter's day-to-day life. She decided what she wore, what she ate, where she went, and whom she befriended. When Savannah reached her teens, the only thing that changed was that her mother shifted from picking her playdates to picking her actual dates, or in other words, her marks. All the while, she simply nodded along and did what she was told.

She was in her early 20s when the frequent mind wipes and reprogramming started catching up with her. Her different identities started bleeding into each other, memories that had supposedly been erased started resurfacing, and she began acting erratically as she struggled with distinguishing what was real and what wasn't. Portia's solution to her daughter's episodes was to take her in for another reprogramming, but obviously, that only made things worse.

It was during one such episode that Savannah lashed out at her mother and ended up pushing her from a hotel balcony, resulting in Portia's death. When she came to, she was in a broken down car a few miles outside of Dallas-Fort Worth. Her memories were still scrambled, but she was able to put together the gist of what had been done to her, and what had become of her mother.

After hitchhiking into the city, she settled in the lower district and started going by the name Cinder. She had never learned how to lie, but there was one skillset Portia had allowed her to hone through every version of herself, and that was the abilities of a cat burglar. She made a decent living for herself stealing from the rich and giving to herself, choosing to exclusively target those who she felt deserved it, and who already had enough to spare.

It was a few years later that a chance encounter led her to share her life story with Taurus. At that point, the Violet Messengers had been active for about two years, and while she had never seen herself as a revolutionary, he managed to convince her that there was a way to use her abilities for the greater good.

Nowadays, she steals for a living as well as to help fund the Violet Messengers activities. She does not herself participate much in violence, but she is aware of their methods, and she agrees in principle that sometimes force is necessary.

She can come across as strange and standoffish due to never being socialised properly. She has a tendency to take things literally, and struggles with what is and is not socially acceptable in public; for example, she will often get changed out in the open, because she does not care if people see her naked.

Cinder has a big soft spot for people whose experiences she can empathise with because of what she went through. She will immediately become very protective of anyone with overbearing and controlling parents as well as people who for various reasons struggle with their sense of self and identity.

MISC

Her thief's toolkit consists of a variety of contraptions that she has made herself. Among them is a harness with a customised attachment that she can hook onto almost any surface and suspend herself from.

[make-me-imagine]

Hi, lovely. Can I ask for a, Male Marvel/Avengers ship. If it's alright with you, please.

Features: I am a short woman 4'9. I have curly golden honey-blond hair which goes to my bra-strap length, I have dark chocolate brown eyes, and a little bit of chubbiness in my cheeks. I have a butterfly-shaped scar on my forehead which is from skin cancer from when I was 5-6 years old.

My birthday is July 29, Leo. My sexuality is bisexual. I go by she/her.

Disorder/Disability I have: Dyslexia, Epilepsy, and Anxiety.

Personality: I am a sweet, loving, stubborn, caring, gentle, and understanding woman but if you mess with me/hurt me, my family, friends, or the people I love I become scary-scary.

Likes/love to do: I love to drawing/painting, embroidery, reading (I am a bit of a bookworm), anime, cosplaying, doing any type of math, loves plants/nature, and baking in my free time.

I don't like/afraid/scared of: afraid of Spiders, don't like people insulting or making fun of family/Love ones/Friends, and I don't like being yelled at because it scares me from past traumas and anxiety.

If I had a superpower and was a hero in the Marvel world, what would it be: I would have the power/ ability to control plants like DC Poison Ivy. Poison Ivy is able to control all plant life on a molecular level, enhanced physical abilities, and Poison immunity. Also I am a plant nerd and I just really connect with plants/nature.

Style: I love to wear, off-the-shoulder shirts, leggings, jeans, button-up shirts, dresses, and once in a while a shirt with a long skirt. My home aesthetic is a mix between astronomy and witch.

The only other thing is that I wear a heart-shaped ruby necklace around my neck which was a gift from my whole family. I never take it off.

I hope I didn't over do it, lovely and if so, I am sorry. I hope you have a nice day. Please keep up the good work, writers like you deserve more love and credit.

Thank you for the commission ship, I appreciate it! I hope you like it <3

I ship you with Peter Parker! (Specifically Tom Hollands).

I know I know, you said you don't like spiders, BUT he doesn't look like a spider, so I hope that wouldn't bother you. And he would always be super aware of this. He would take care of any spiders that made their way inside, and would slowly and gently try to help you get over your fear of them (but would never force it).

He would never raise his voice at you, and any time someone did he would step in, taking your hand in his to keep you grounded and to remind you that he was right there for you.

You two met in school when you were younger, and had a really close friendship that developed naturally into a relationship. You were both book-nerds and math nerds, so this only helped your bond grow.

You both realized around the same time you had feelings for one another, and it was also around the time he became Spiderman. He didn't hide it from you and told you immediately, which then prompted you to tell him about your own mutation.

He always knew you had a green-thumb, but realizing it was because of a power only made him more amazed and enamored by you. He wasn't angry that you kept it from him, understanding that you were afraid he might be afraid of you. But now you were both aware f each other's secrets, and would take the to the grave.

You ended up helping him when villains would show up, and you two became a team (with Ned as well of course). He always wanted to keep you safe and was protective of you. Even making you a suit to hide your identity and keep you from harm.

Though one day, the two of you were attacked by surprise and you got hurt.

--- --- ---

Peter's mind went blank when he saw you disappear as the explosion rocked the building. Smoke and fire clouded his vision as he yelled out for you before being tackled by the villain the two of you had been trying to track down. It turned out, he had been trying to find him as well.

The fight seemed to drag on as Peter tried desperately to end it so he could find you, so he could know you were okay. But the villain kept keeping his distance, fighting long range and Peter couldn't quite get to him to knock him down.

Relief washed over him when the villain had lunged for him, and instead of reaching him, was pulled to the ground my vines wrapped around his legs. You bound the villain so he couldn't move and Peter took the moment to knock him unconscious before he ran through the smoke to find you.

You were on your knees, breathless but alive. Peter felt tears brim his eyes as he collapsed next to you, wrapping you tightly in his arms. Your arms snaked around his waist as you both held each other for a few moments.

As Peter pulled away he looked over you, seeing blood soaking your shirt. He felt his gut clench as choked out his words, "Please tell me that's not your blood."

He knew it was, but he couldn't fathom that you had been hurt so badly, that he failed to protect you.

Meeting your eyes he saw how drooped they were and his chest tightened.

You smiled softly, though it didn't reach your eyes. "I wish I could."

Then your vision swam before going black, all you remembered hearing was Pete's desperate please for you to stay awake.

When you woke up, the bright light of the hospital room caused you to squint your eyes. You could barely get your barrings before someone appeared beside you, their hands gently cupping your face.

As you met a pair of familiar eyes, you felt relief wash over you.

"Madison" Peter spoke softly, tears in his eyes.

"Pete." You mumbled out, your throat dry.

As he pressed a kiss to your forehead, right on the scar he had grown to love so much, he let out shaky breath, "Please don't ever scare me like that again Sunshine."

You felt your lips curl into a soft smile. "I'm sorry."

He pulled away from you as he shook his head, "It was my fault. I was too slow to react I should have protected you."

You took his hand and squeezed it, "You pushed me out of the way of the explosion. Yeah I still got hurt, but I would have died if you hadn't Peter. You saved me, don't feel guilty, please."

He remained silent but nodded his head softly as he looked down at your bandaged hand. You knew it would take a while for his guilt to pass. You squeezed his hand again and he met your eyes.

You smiled at him, "I'm okay, I'll be okay I promise."

He felt a small smile forming on his face as relief slowly coursed through him as he nodded, "I know." Leaning forward he pressed another kiss to your forehead, "I love you Sunshine"

"I love you too Peter."

xx

I hope you liked it! <3

(Commission Ships)

[ironworked]

Just a reminder of how hard it's been to get to where we are today wrt queerness on tv:

2000, Dawson's Creek: Berlanti says “I had to threaten to quit, basically because they wouldn’t let us have the characters kiss,”. WB also asked them to film it from across the street.

2001, Buffy The Vampire Slayer: co-ep David Greenwalt, once recalled that he received a phone call from an anonymous WB exec asking "Is [Joss] really going to do this gay thing?". They were asked to cut Willow and Tara's kiss, and Whedon 'declared he would walk away from the show' if they didn't get their kiss.

2005, The OC: network affiliates said they were getting complaints about the bi Marissa storyline, and they went to the network saying, ‘If this doesn’t go away, we’re not going to air your show anymore.’. “I’ll never forget when we were forced to cut their first kiss way back before it aired. [...] I’m like, ‘What are we doing? Why are they doing that? They just made us cut this thing down to like a tiny little smooch,’” Schwartz recalled.

2000-2007, Gilmore Girls: Sherman-Palladino: "The networks were very different in how permissive they would allow you to be. So, Sookie was originally supposed to be gay, but that was a non-starter at that time."

2007-2012, Gossip Girl: “There was not a lot of representation the first time around on the show.” Safran said [...], adding: “I was the only gay writer I think the entire time I was there.” / ''Sure, Eric Van Der Woodsen came out in the 1st season -- he also triumphantly outed his boyfriend, which tells you a lot about where we were in 2007''.

2010, 90210: Q: 90210 doesn’t shy away from allowing its straight characters to express their sexuality. Will the show be as frank in its depiction of Teddy’s romantic relationships? Sinclair [EP]: I hope so.

27 LGBTQ+ characters were killed off in 2016 across various networks and shows.

Carter Covington (Faking It, 2014-2016) said in 2016: “Networks are terrified. They’re completely scared right now. They will look for any reason not to do something. …I would hate for us to lose opportunities because of fear.”

Javier Grillo-Marxuach [...] explained [he] doesn’t own the properties for which he is telling stories. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” he said. “I will not stand up in front of the world and promise to do this and then somehow become the scapegoat on something that is not my property.”

Extra not-related-but-kinda-related fact: 1999 - Felicity's Haircut: network executives suggested it could have been series star Keri Russell's drastic haircut that did the real ratings damage. According to entertainment president Susanne Daniels, [...] she provoked a reaction so "overwhelmingly negative" that audiences stopped tuning in. Rather than chiding viewers for their superficiality, Daniels promised Russell would regrow her mane. "Nobody is cutting her hair again on our network," she said.

Sometime around 2021-22, the 9-1-1 team starts seriously working up to expand their roster of queer characters (originally including two black women, two black men and a white man) by exploring Buck's bisexuality... but Fox hits the brakes and ends up cancelling the show. Fortunately ABC (owned by the same production company) picked it up and that storyline got the go ahead *.

* Note: It should be said that by the time Buck's bisexuality was greenlit, the m/m black couple had left the show.

Now, The CW. Know Riverdale? that show where every plot point or detail that crosses your dash makes it seem even more bonkers, and whose fans are quick to tell you that actually it's even weirder? romantic entanglements included?

So there's a recurring gay character, and then the main cast (which includes Cheryl, who is a lesbian). Who kisses who? Cheryl and Topaz? YES. Cheryl and Veronica? YES. Cheryl and Betty? YES. Betty and Veronica? YES. Archie and Betty? YES. Archie and Veronica? YES. Jughead and Betty? YES. Jughead and Veronica? YES.

Archie and Jughead? NO.

...🤔

ETA a correction from the notes:

My main points:

Queer storylines are still not easily greenlit, especially for pre-existing characters (don't take risks. don't fix it if it ain't broken). It's getting easier, but it's still not easy.

White, male, and straight is still seen as the default and as neutral by the networks, and let's admit it, by a portion of the audience. So while they might be willing to include some diversity in their shows, I think these characters are still seen as 'other', and there's a strong reluctance to taking one of those 'neutral characters everyone can identify with' and... 'officially/openly queering them', so to speak.

And what about Supernatural? The show that Pedowitz was happy brought on some very wanted male viewers, and which they used to usher in new shows:

“It has been the lead-in or lead-out to almost the entire schedule,” Pedowitz said. “It’s made successes out of shows that might not have [otherwise] been sampled, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that Supernatural brought in an audience that demographically was 50-50, male to female.[...]"

The show that got this network note in season 1 (2005):

For the episode "Route 666" though, "… The note I got from the network was 'The girl can't be on top.'"

More not-fully-related-but-relevant tidbits, this time from Nancy Drew:

"[straight pairing were] never endgame in the very early days. It was never even a thing. It’s that beautiful thing that comes out of creating a show and getting to 62 chapters of a story and all of a sudden it kind of takes you somewhere."

[Actress from Nancy Drew] told Us that she “made it [her] mission” to make sure there were “little moments” between the two characters that fans could latch onto. “[Even] in subtle ways that weren’t necessarily scripted — just in case they decided to go that direction [so] that it would feel supported,”

Glaad Media's yearly 'Where We Are on Tv' Reports: 23-24; 22-23; 21-22; 20-21; 19-20; 18-19; 17-18; 16-17; 15-16; 14-15; 13-14; 12-13; 11-12; 10-11; 09-10; 08-09; 07-08; 06-07.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

paris (lt. jake “hangman” seresin)

a/n: i don’t quite know how to explain myself. i don’t know if there will ever be a day where i don’t write these types of fics so...

summary: (bisexual Seresin sister!reader) it was never meant to come out. and yet, even in the face of his own father, your brother reminds you that if you go down, you go down together.

title comes the chainsmoker’s “paris”

main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist

warnings: homophobic parents, getting disowned, swearing, Jake is bisexual pry this from my cold dead hands, actually everyone in top gun is a least a little bit gay but that’s a different discussion for a different day, i use the same three names for extra characters because i can not be bothered to think of something creative, i might come back to this storyline in a later phoenix fic but i’ve yet to decide, this was self-indulgent i’m sorry

word count: 2,824

You were 20 when you got disowned. You were 20 when your family went from a sweet Mom and an unforgiving Father and a funny little brother and a giggly older sister and a stone-cold older brother to just you and that stone-cold older brother. 

That same stone-cold older brother who taught you that if you went down, you’d do it together. 

-

The yelling in the house has reached an all-time high. Mom’s crying and Dad’s yelling and Jake’s defending you, putting his reputation as the family favorite and golden child on the line. Jake, who did everything right. Jake, who was perfect. Jake, who’d rather let his siblings flounder under your parents criticism than step up for them for one goddamn second. Jake, who took pride in being the first and the best. Who’d rather be alone than have a good relationship with any of his siblings because that’d fuck with his perfect child status. 

You’d all been gathered for the holidays, the light snow fluttering outside. You and Tyler were back from college for a few weeks and Sascha had a week off from her job in Georgia and even Jake had gotten two weeks leave for the holidays. You and your older sister Sascha had been sitting in the kitchen, making cookies while your Mom put decorations up in the living room. Jake and your little brother Tyler, not so little anymore at his ripe age of 19, were in town getting more ingredients for the baking you and Sascha had lined up for the next three days before your parents annual Christmas Eve dinner. Your Dad was holed up in his study, not that it mattered much, because you relished in the opportunity to talk to your older sister freely, to welcome the Christmas cheer you normally had to keep to a minimum. And your sister’d been asking about your girlfriend, the two of you quietly giggling over your schoolgirl crush, when your Dad had walked through the door at the worst moment. 

All hell broke loose from there. Your Dad yelled for your Mom as he berated you for dating a woman, and when you’d tried to stand up for yourself, explaining that you were bisexual and nothing they had to say would change that, it had only made things worse. And then Jake and Tyler were coming through the front door, entering the kitchen to find the source of the yelling. You weren’t sure why Jake had decided to come to your defense but he’d had and the raging argument had only gotten worse. Which brought you to now. 

You hovered by the door, unsure if you should make a fast exit. Sascha sat at the kitchen counter, face buried into her arms, and Tyler stood behind her, knuckles white as he grasped back of Sascha’s chair. They’d both known about your sexuality and your girlfriend at college, but you all also knew to keep it a secret, knowing that this is what would happen if your parents had found out. Finally, Jake sighed and straightened up. 

“(Y/N), go get your stuff, we’re leaving.” Sascha’s head shot up and you furrowed your eyebrows. You Dad shook his head in disbelief. 

“I can’t believe that my son, the best I have, is doing this for someone like her.” 

“Dad, I’m bisexual. Everything you’ve said about her tonight applies to me too.” You were stumbling back, reeling from the revelation. Perfect Jake was-? “Clearly there is no place in this family for either of us. So we’re leaving.” Your Dad stood stock-still, everyone else staring at Jake in baffled confusion. Jake now turns to you. “Go get your stuff. I’m serious, we’re leaving.” You numbly nodded and jogged upstairs, throwing what you needed in the suitcase. You’d been slowly moving things out of your childhood home without your parents noticing, so all the important documents had long been in your possession anyways. Things were things and they could be replaced. You met Jake down stairs, who had also grabbed his suitcase and the two of you walked outside in the cold, snowy driveway. It felt weird, knowing this would probably be the last time you’d be here, knowing that once you left with Jake, you’d effectively be disowned, him too. So-

“Why’re you doing this for me Jake?” You mumbled, as the two of you drove along the wet road, the purple of the evening dusk setting in against the white of the snow, the warm glow from the Christmas lights becoming ever more apparent. He sighed, pulling into the parking lot of the diner and turning the ignition off. 

“Because you’re my baby sister, and if we go down, we go down together.��

“That makes no sense Jake. Never once have you ever showed an ounce of care for me and now you’re just- what, throwing away the reputation you so meticulously built as Mr. Can Never Do Any Wrong?” The words come out harsher than you intend them to and you don’t miss the way Jake flinches. He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. 

“(Y/N), look at me.” You meet your older brother’s eyes and he sighed again. “I love you. You’re my baby sister and I should’ve been looking out for you for a long time now. I haven’t been the brother I should’ve been and I’m sorry.” It’s your turn to sigh as you look at Jake, taking in the sincerity in his eyes. It wasn’t often Jake would allow for a crack in the unfeeling, cocky front he put forward so to see this change was... unsettling. “I still have another week and a half of leave. Why don’t I drive you back out to school? We can spend the holiday hanging out at your apartment, yeah?” 

“You do realize that means I’m going to make you watch every Christmas movie ever made right?” He chuckles. 

“I’d expect nothing less from you kid. C’mon, let’s go get some food and then we can hit the road.” You scoff at his usage of kid but don’t say anything as you climb out of the car, pulling your sweatshirt down your arms more to protect you from the cold. The diner was practically empty, it being so close to the holiday and the little bell alerted an older waitress who was stood at the counter. She smiled warmly at the both of you and led you to a booth. After ordering, you pulled out your phone, working on canceling your flight. You probably wouldn’t get any money back but you weren’t looking to deal with the airline if you didn't show. Jake stared at you, the Christmas music coming from the radio in the corner being the only noise. “What’re you doing?” He asked, hands folded in front of him. Even now, he seemed like he could never relax. 

“Canceling my flight.” You respond, not looking at him. He shifts. 

“Are you good on the money front? For school and stuff?” You nod, as you finally get the confirmation that your flight was canceled. You were getting a little bit of your money back, thank God. 

“Yeah, I work two jobs so I should be good on rent and my car and other stuff. I’ve got enough money tucked away in my savings for next semester and it’ll be tight for a while, but I’ll be fine.” You said, sliding your phone back into your pocket. The waitress brought over your coffee and you both thanked her. 

“Well, you know, should you ever, you know need anything-” He pauses, looking at you. “Money for rent or school or groceries, or you know, anything else, just give me a call and I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“I appreciate the offer Jake, but I’ve been financially independent from Mom and Dad since I started college. The car is in my name and so is my phone and I pay for everything, just in case something like this happened.”

“Were you going to come out to them?” He asks in disbelief and your mouth gapes open at him. 

“How stupid do you think I am? No, I wasn’t born yesterday, I know that wouldn’t have been a good idea.” 

“Well then-”

“Jake, we can’t all be like you, Mr. Perfect. Dad would’ve found something eventually. He’s already been pissed off about my major so we’ve been teetering on the brink of this for a while. Just speed the process up.” He nods slowly. 

“I don’t... actually know what you’re studying.” He says, swallowing. 

“History.” You respond, mildly uncomfortable. You and Jake got along the least, so to be sitting with him, here in this situation, was all kinds of strange. He nods and fiddles with his coffee cup. 

“So, two jobs? Must keep you busy.” You nod. 

“Gotta afford to live somehow.”

“And how do you manage that and school?” You shrug. 

“I don’t sleep.” His eyes widen slightly and he frowns. “What?” You ask, eyes flickering up at him from where they’d been studying the pattern of the table. 

“Nothing, just- that’s a lot of pressure. And you should be enjoying college, not-”

“Not living to work so I don’t become homeless because we have shitty parents I’ve been trying to get away from?” He stares at you and doesn’t respond. “Jake, it’s fine. My grades get me good scholarships and sleep is a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it means I’m not dependent on them. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.” 

“It’s not fine, that’s so- that’s so fucked up, (Y/N), and you know it. You should be staying out late and hooking up with random people and doing dumb shit, not- not wasting your best years working and studying and-”

“Jake.” You say firmly and he pauses from his rant to meet your eyes. “You’ve kind of been an absent brother so this is only news to you.” He opens his mouth but you don’t let him start again. “And you’ve always been in Mom and Dad’s good graces, you have since the minute you were born, and you’ve always turned a blind eye to how they treated the rest of us. So I’m sorry that this is news to you but you’re a little too late to be this upset about it.” He stares at you as the waitress appears with your food. You smile at her brightly and thank her as Jake continues to stare at you. He doesn’t touch his food, just studying you and taking you in. You huff, pushing his plate closer to you. 

“Jake, let it go. Eat your food.”

“What can I do for you? How can I help?” He says instead, ignoring the gesture. You look at him from where you’re dipping your fry into your milkshake. 

“You can help me by shutting up and eating. Drop it.”

“No.” You sigh, setting your fry down on your plate. 

“Jake, I don’t need your help. I do just fine on my own.” 

“Like hell you do. You’re working two jobs just to make enough to stay afloat and you’re 20 years old and I can already see you becoming burnt out and lost in life. Let me help.” 

“I don’t want your help.” You state firmly, looking Jake in the eye. “I don’t want your help, okay? You’re right, that this isn’t ideal. But I’ll figure it out on my own, okay? I don’t need my Navy brother to swoop in and play Superman. I got it, okay? Please for the love of God, let it go.” 

“If Sascha was here instead of me, you’d be giving her a different answer.” He states firmly, like it’s a fact of life and nothing less. You huff in frustration and shrug. 

“Probably. But Sascha hasn’t made my life harder consistently for the last 20 years. Can we drop this now?”

“Absolutely not. I need to know that when I go back to base, my sister is going to be okay.” 

“Okay fine, Jake. What do you want out of this?”

“Let me help you, please, even just a little bit. Rent or groceries or something. Just to ease the stress a little bit, just so you’re not treading water.” He pleads and you sigh, looking at him. 

“We can revisit in a week and a half. That’s the best you’re gonna get, take it or leave it Seresin.” You respond as your phone rings. He huffs, getting ready to go to battle but you don’t let him as you answer the call. “Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hi Ty.” 

“How’re you doing?”

“Feeling like I just got disowned, so not too shabby.” He chuckles. 

“Hey, look, are you gonna be good to get back to school? We can regroup back on campus after break, but there’s no way I’m gonna get another chance to call you between then and now. I only can now because Dad’s in his study and Mom’s cleaning.” 

“Yeah, Jake’s gonna drive me.” You respond, eyeing your blond older brother, who’s started to pick at his food. You and Tyler went to school together, him being only a year younger than you, and the two of you were inseparable. 

“You’re gonna kill each other before you ever get there.” You snort.

“Yeah, I know. We’ve been arguing since we left the house.” 

“About what?”

“He wants to help me financially so I can quit one of my jobs.” Jake glances at you and then back to his food. Your arms are crossed as you eye your older brother, who's behaving in ways you’ve never seen before. There’s a long exhale from Tyler before he speaks again. 

“That- that wouldn’t be the worst idea ever.”

“Ty-”

“Look, we can discuss this another time. Just- don’t totally shut Jake out. Right now you’re both disowned, and for the same reason, so he’s the best you’re gonna get. It wouldn’t hurt to lean on him a little bit, especially if he’s offering.” 

“Yeah, okay.” He sighs.

“Look, I gotta go, I just wanted to make sure Jake didn’t ditch you on the side of the freeway somewhere.”

“Not yet.”

“(Y/N), seriously, do your best to rebuild the bridge here. He’s trying, because he wouldn’t have gone down for you the way he did if he wasn’t.”

“Whatever, Ty. See you in a few weeks.”

“See you. Love you sis.”

“Love you too, bye.” You pull the phone away from your ear and eye your older brother, who’s staring at his fries like they personally offended him. “Okay, out with it, Jake. What’s this really all about?” He sighs and shifts, not meeting your eyes. 

“I- When I figured out I was bisexual, I was so scared. It was so isolating and I- I really struggled for a while. And to think that my kid sister, someone I swore I’d look out for since she was born, was maybe experiencing those same things, it made me feel shitty. I haven’t been a good brother to you pretty much ever and I mean it when I say I’m sorry. I haven’t been here in the way I should’ve been. And I want to start making up for it. I- I get it if you don’t want my help but- but beyond that, if you ever need someone to talk to about it, I want you to know I’m here. I know you say this is something you’ve been preparing for a while but your relationship with Tyler and Sascha is going to change and you’ll never be able to go back and it’s going to hit you, sooner or later. I’m going to be here for you every step of the way, whether you like it or not. I’m here, no matter what you need, because no one gets it better than I do and I’m going to do whatever I can to help you kid.” You stare at Jake, trying not to let your mouth drop open at the sincere kindness and remorse on his face. 

“I don’t trust you, you know that right?” You finally say and Jake’s face falls. “But- but you’re right and right now you’re all I’ve got and I’m not exactly in a position to be pushing people away.” You sigh, taking a deep breath. “We can see where it goes. Figure it out. Fresh start from here on out for both of us.” He nods, an unreadable look crossing his face. “Now will you please eat your food? I don’t want to be spending the whole night driving back in the dead of winter dark, it’s not fun.” He huffs out half a laugh and pulls his plate closer to him. 

“I love you kid.” You eye him, shooting him a look. 

“We’ll see how much you love me after this Christmas movie and baking marathon we’re gonna have.” 

[flooffybits]

Take A Look

Idol: Kim Yoohyeon, Lee Yubin (Dreamcatcher)

The answer has been there this whole time. It was just that no one really realized it until the damage was done.

Word count: 6.2k

Warning: mentions of alcohol and drinking, getting drunk, hopeless reader

☕buy me a coffee☕

A/n: this was just a little idea i came up with one day. reader is bisexual in this fic

Yubin watches from her seat as you keep your head pressed against the table, laptop open in front of you as you try and try again to come up with some lyrics that could possibly be good enough. She's been watching you wrack your brain for a good few minutes now, but with the way you just laid there in defeat had her sitting up from your bed.

"Do you need any help, unnie?" She inquires and you give her a grumbled response that has her chuckling a little before asking you to repeat your answer, successfully making you lift your head and pout in her direction. "Remind me to never attempt writing a song about love." You tell her and her smile quickly fades away and confusion quickly overcomes her features.

You weren't exactly joking, but she can't tell if you were serious either.

"What are you talking about?" She asks curiously, unsure where this was coming from before you let out a groan. “It all just seems so complicated. It’s hard writing about something you're not experiencing.” You say with a pout and the rapper was now frowning with you, albeit a little more confused. “Weren’t you going out with Minhyuk the other day?” She inquired and your face only scrunched up at the name before you buried your face into your hands, nodding begrudgingly. “He’s nice, yeah, but I just-”

At that moment, Yoohyeon came bursting into the room with a cheer, her arms filled with snacks and a wide grin on her face. “Date night!” She screamed, only to pause by the door when she saw the way Yubin was frowning behind you. What makes her drop the snacks, however, is your sulking figure slouched in your chair and she’s immediately pulling you into her before you even had the time to see her.

“What’s wrong?” Is her immediate question and you huff while leaning more into her. “It’s nothing, Yooh.” But she decided to look over to her girlfriend, only to see her shake her head in response, something she was quick to understand at this point. “I’ll head out so you guys can use the room.”

“You can stay.” Yubin interjects, seeing as Yoohyeon was refusing to let you go. You gave them a look though as you gently pry the taller woman’s arms from around you, giving her a gentle squeeze while showing them a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “It’s fine. You guys haven’t had a proper date since promotions started. I can hang out with the others.” You explain when you start gathering your things.

“But you’re upset.”

You paused at Yoohyeon’s claim, turning to the girl as she pouted at you. Your smile grew a little softer before you reached up to ruffle her hair in an affectionate manner. “I’ll be fine. Just enjoy your night."

Reluctantly, the pair watches you stalk off, shoulders slouched in defeat as you went to find one of the members, probably Dong or Minji.

"What happened?" Yoohyeon asks once she gently closes the door and picks up the snacks while Yubin purses her lips. "Another failed relationship attempt." She replies sadly, shaking her head when she takes some of the snacks. "She said to remind her to stop writing love songs." She says softly and Yoohyeon's frown deepens, saddened by your perception of love before letting out a breath when she takes a seat. "Last time it was no more dating, now no more love songs?"

Yubin could only hum, shrugging as she laid down. "I feel bad for her. Unnie has such a big heart, it's sad to see that no one can seem to take care of it." She wasn't angry with the people you've been seeing up to this point. She was just upset and disappointed with how many times this has happened.

You've had various other idols ask you out and you've given a lot of them a chance to see where things would go but… things never went as expected.

It was all just the surface, and once you got to know more about the other person, you found yourself distancing or vice versa. You weren't picky by all means, but you did know what your worth was.

..

Another day of promotions finally rolled in and you breathed out in relief before earning a poke on the shoulder. Turning your head, you see the teasing glimmer in Siyeon's eyes as she swayed on her feet, grinning as she gestured to the door. "You have a visitor." Is all she says and you're even more puzzled because you know for a fact that no one just visits you especially while you were working, unless you were notified beforehand.

"Who is it?" You inquire while getting to your feet, but the vocalist only grins as she waved you to the direction of the door. "You'll see, now go!" She ushers and you can't help but laugh at her antics as you walk out to see who was asking for you.

Though you were more than surprised to see Minhyuk, otherwise known as Astro's Rocky, standing there with a shy smile set on his charming features, along with a small bouquet of flowers.

"Minhyuk! What are you doing here?" You don't hide the surprise on your face, considering your last few dates weren't exactly… alright. But the boy only smiled while rubbing the back of his neck, sheepish. "I, um, wanted to congratulate you for your comeback." He mumbles as he toys with the stems of the flowers, only to remember who they were for.

He handed you the bouquet, which you gently accepted, before he let out another breath. "I know that I've been kind of a jerk with having to cancel our dates." He began and you felt your shoulders tense, suddenly feeling awkward with the subject, but he continued, failing to notice your unease.

"I was hoping to make it up to you." He mutters, a hopeful look in his eyes that has you struggling to say no, but luckily, someone was able to come to your rescue.

"Y/n!" A voice squealed out your name and you're suddenly encased in someone's arms, forcing you to take a step back from the male idol.

It looked like Minhyuk was just as surprised as he stumbled backwards, eyes widening at the sudden intervention, but says nothing as the girl detaches herself from you without releasing your arm.

"I can't believe I actually got to bump into you." The girl stated and you blink a couple times before offering her a soft grin. "You sound like you've been looking for me." You tease, finally feeling the tension leave your shoulders now that you weren't alone. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't." She retorts playfully before finally acknowledging the male standing a few feet away from you.

She eyed him skeptically before smiling. "Sorry for cutting in. It's been a while since I've seen this one." She apologized and Minhyuk quickly shook his head, suddenly growing shy with his cheeks tinted pink. "It's no problem. I just… wanted to congratulate noona. So… yeah." With a final look, he finally walks away, leaving you alone, though you know that this wouldn't be the last time he tries asking you again. "I'll see you later."

"So… trouble in paradise?" The woman asks and you playfully roll your eyes. "That is if I do have one." You grumble, though the flowers were very nice. "He's not your boyfriend?" She asks, surprised, and you shake your head. "Not really. We just… went out a few times." You grimace at the poor description but that was the honest truth.

You've only managed to go out with Minhyuk maybe two or three times because of how often he had canceled the plans he made with you.

The brunette purses her lips at that before slowly nodding her head. "Well… if you're not doing anything after this, do you think I could take you out tonight?" She asks curiously and you stare at your friend for a while before snickering. "Is the Miss Han So Hee asking me out on a date?" You tease, but there was an odd feeling in the pit of your stomach as the older girl gives you a playful shove just to hide the heat rising to her cheeks.

"Oh, shut up." She pouts, drawing laughter from your lips before you give her a quick hug. "I'll text you after the show. I have to ask my managers first." You inform her and she only grins wider while nodding her head. "Great. In the meantime, I'll be watching you from backstage. Good luck!"

With a swift peck on the cheek, the actress soon ushered you back into your room where you're met with the mischievous smirk of your dancer and the curious gaze of your maknae.

"So…" Bora drawled out while you stood there, flowers in hand before passing it to one of your staff and politely asking them to keep it somewhere safe. "A date?" Gahyeon can't help asking and of course the word catches a handful of people's attention as they look at you. "Unnie, can I go out tonight?" You promptly ignored the way Bora was smirking and turned to your manager instead.

Yoohyeon looked a little conflicted when she heard Gahyeon's question, but said nothing, merely squirming in her seat whilst Yubin placed a hand on her knee.

Dong, however, caught her displeasure.

"What's up with you?" The Chinese woman questioned and Yoohyeon all but shrugged, looking nonchalant despite it being forced. "Nothing, just a little sleepy." She lies through her teeth and the older woman easily picks up on it before she turns her gaze to where you were, now being hounded by Bora as she tries to pry any information about your date tonight since you were given the okay.

"You don't seem too happy with Y/n seeing someone this time." Surprisingly, it's Yubin who reacts first. "This isn't the first time unnie's been asked out on a date." She quips shortly, expression blank. "I'm not expecting anything out of it." She says plainly, shrugging this time as Yoohyeon took the hand on her leg. "I just don't want her getting hurt anymore." The puppy mumbles while staring at your side profile.

Dong steals another glance at you, still a little puzzled by the couple's behavior. "Y/n and So Hee-ssi have been friends since Y/n started acting, I'm sure it won't be that awkward transitioning into a more romantic relationship with those two." Just like you two.

She didn't have to say it out loud, but the underlying message was loud and clear to them and they both struggled to grasp that it might be a possibility.

"But that's not always the case though." Yoohyeon argues, pout visible on her features. "Dami and I are always together. Y/n is an idol, acting is just something she does on the side. She won't always see So Hee-ssi." Dong playfully rolled her eyes. "Being around each other every time of the day isn't the only way to make a relationship work."

"Mics on, let's go!" Minji's cheerful tone cut every conversation in the room and all seven of you headed over to the leader before she started to lead the way to the stage, a pep in her step as she and Siyeon began to chat about what was previously happening in the waiting room.

The performance went on without a hitch, though the sound of the crowd cheering was able to revitalize everyone as you all exited the stage. There was even a skip in your step that made Gahyeon point it out with a giggle.

“Someone sure is happy.” She says with a poke to your cheek and you crinkle your nose at her before poking back, earning a squeal from the maknae before you wrap your arms around her. “I’m just glad that we can rest.” You respond while Dong rolled her eyes. “We all know you’re excited for that date you have.” She says bluntly, your cheeks burning a bright red before you release the maknae to swat at the Chinese woman’s arm.

“Yah!”

Yoohyeon quietly watched from the side, unaware of the pout that made its way to her lips before she spoke up. “How long will you be out for?” She questions and you look at her, blinking a few times. “I’m not sure yet, but you can stay with Dami if you want.” You assure her with a friendly smile.

But that wasn’t the answer she was hoping for.

As they watched you exit the venue with So Hee, Yoohyeon can’t wipe the frown from her face whilst Yubin merely gave her girlfriend a pat on the back. “She’ll be okay.” She isn’t sure herself, but she did trust So Hee enough to keep you company.

She only hoped that this date wouldn’t go sideways like most of the dates you’ve had in the past.

..

“It’s getting pretty late…” Bora noted after checking the time on her phone. Having just turned off the live, she was a little disappointed to see that you weren’t back yet. It was nearing midnight and you had another schedule in the morning.

Yubin turned her phone off after sending you another text. “She hasn’t replied either.” She mumbles softly when she wraps her arms around Yoohyeon’s petite waist. “Should we-”

The rattling of the doorknob caught their attention. And since she was the nearest, Bora opted to check on who it was, silently hoping that it was you, before she breathed out a sigh of relief when you came tumbling into her smaller stature.

“Yah! Where have you been and why do you smell like alcohol?” The dancer’s question caught the couple’s attention as they both stood up to see Bora struggling to keep you upright while she closed the door behind you.

Your eyes were droopy, clothes a little disheveled, and your cheeks were flushed.

Yoohyeon was quick to help you off of the older woman while Yubin quickly fetched you a bottle of water. “Did you drink?” Bora demanded and you slowly nodded your head, leaning on Yoohyeon’s shoulder as you struggled to keep your eyes open. “Be quiet or unnie might hear you.” You grumble, the dancer’s brows shooting up in surprise.

The pair brought you to the couch, the bottle set on the table while Yubin watched you with concern. She knew you weren’t exactly one to drink, so she’s wondering why on earth you were in this state.

“I thought you didn’t like drinking?” Yoohyeon asks for her, having the same questions as she made you sit up. “Alcohol sucks.” You slurred, but coherent enough for them to understand. “Then why the hell did you drink?” Bora asks calmly, and you honestly looked like you were genuinely trying to think before your eyes lit up and you pointed to the sky.

“So… So Hee unnie,” You hiccup. “She said that I was too… too tense. So she offered to buy me alcohol just so I could relax.” They struggled a little with your story, but by the end, none of them were too happy to know that you had gotten drunk.

“Didn’t she know that you don’t drink?” Yubin asks and you shake your head, which was honestly a bad idea when your world started to spin. “Could you imagine how embarrassing it is if I-” You cut yourself off as you threw your head back, thumping against the back of the couch but Yubin quickly places her hand on it so you wouldn’t hurt yourself. “If I told her that I don’t drink?”

“Yah! You don’t force yourself past your comfort zone like this just to impress a girl!” Bora scolded you, but you weren’t paying attention with your dazed state. “Unnie, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to drink.” Yubin gently tells you while brushing your hair from your sweaty forehead.

“Yeah. There’s nothing embarrassing about it.” Yoohyeon backs her up immediately. “It’s okay to drink a little, but this is too much.” She murmurs while you let out a huff. “I don’t want to drink anymore.” You grumble, Bora laughing in disbelief before she patted your head. “I’ve heard that a couple times already, don’t worry.”

Turning to the two, Bora purses her lips before she shakes her head. “Can I trust you guys to bring her to your room while I explain this to Jiu?” She asks and Yubin immediately agrees. “I got her.” Bora thanks the two of them before she heads over to the leader’s room.

After making sure you drank your water, the couple carefully guided you to your room, sitting you down on your chair while Yubin fetched you some clothes to change into. Yoohyeon stayed by you to make sure you wouldn’t fall or hit your head.

“Tonight was a mess.” The taller girl heard you whisper, and she would have assumed you had fallen asleep if you weren’t playing with the ring you had on your forefinger. “I thought you at least had fun?” She asks, confused by your sudden confession. Yubin was quietly listening as she searched through your wardrobe.

You sighed in defeat before opening your eyes, frowning at the ceiling. “It was but… I don’t see anything happening with unnie.” You mutter quietly, almost as though you were ashamed to admit it. “She’s great and she’s funny but… I don’t know.”

Yoohyeon wasn’t too sure what to tell you as you closed your eyes again. She could tell you were disappointed despite your drunken state, but would anything she could say really do anything to help you, sober or not?

“I wish I could find someone the same way you and Dami have each other.”

Shoulders tensing, Yoohyeon immediately looked at her girlfriend, who had paused in her search before quickly grabbing a pair of sweats and one of your favorite shirts. She turned back to you, teeth sinking into the skin of her lower lip before she let out a breath. “Y/n, I-”

Seeing you had stopped moving altogether, Yoohyeon pauses before she gently places a hand on your shoulder. “Y/n?” The only response she got was your silent snoring, making her internally groan before she looked at her girlfriend, who was already staring at your passed out figure.

With a sigh, the rapper shook her head. “Let’s just get her to bed.”

As much as she wanted to argue, Yoohyeon nodded her head and helped with changing your clothes before carrying you to bed. They both just stood there for a while, quietly observing you, before Yoohyeon turned to her girlfriend, an unsure look crossing her features before Yubin pursed her lips. “Did you…”

Nodding her head, the rapper only took her girlfriend’s hand before ushering her up to her bed. “I heard.” She whispered, and they both went to sleep with your words being the only thing accompanying them.

It was a struggle to fall asleep, but they manage, not even waking up when you start to groan and feel the headache that was greeting you as you woke up.

You only blindly reached for something on your desk and you’re glad that you kept a personal tumbler on your nightstand. As you emptied its contents, however, you slowly came to the realization that you were in your own room. And seeing the clothes you were wearing, you silently wondered what the hell you had gotten into the night before.

You can only recall spending the night with So Hee, but the trip home and everything else was a little hazy.

Rising to your feet, you peeked at the top bunk to see Yoohyeon and Yubin sound asleep. The smaller of the pair had her arms around the blonde’s waist as they both slept and you couldn’t help but smile before quietly exiting the room in hopes of letting them sleep some more.

“I’m surprised that you managed to wake up this early despite what Sua unnie’s told me.” Siyeon voiced out when she saw you exit the bathroom, but she welcomed you into her arms when you sluggishly trudged into the main room. “I don’t know what I did last night.” You mumble into her shoulder and she chuckles softly while running her fingers through your hair. “I don’t know the details, but you did swear not to drink again… for the fourth time.” She muses while holding you and you only groan louder while sinking into her embrace.

Her laughter catches the other two people in the room’s attention and Minji frowns when she sees the state that you’re in before handing you a cup of tea. “How much did you even have?” She asks worriedly, knowing that you usually stopped whenever you knew you were reaching your limit, the only exception being during one of your birthday celebrations.

“I don’t even know what I drank.” You answer while accepting the mug and taking a small sip. Bora only shakes her head at you before setting the food on the table. “You’re lucky that some of us were still up when you got back.”

“You mean you waited for me again?” You ask playfully despite your poor state and she only scoffs before pinching your cheek. “I’m always waiting, especially when you aren't responding to our texts.” She retorts as you whine, pushing her hand away while Siyeon coos at your pouting face.

“I’m not happy with what you did. You made us worried and Yoohyeon and Dami both wouldn’t sleep until they heard from you.” She scolded and you shrank in your seat as the older woman reprimanded you.

A simple sorry wasn’t going to make it up to them, you were sure of that, so you let the dancer rant as much as she wanted, ignoring the sympathetic looks Minji and Siyeon were giving you as Bora began to scold you for your recklessness just to try and be impressive in front of someone.

Dong ended up catching the last bit when she walked into the room and she was a little confused to see you being scolded by the dancer but opted not to ask, seeing that you were obviously in no position to defend yourself.

She only sat next to you when things had cooled down and wrapped an arm around you in comfort. Neither of you needed words to understand the other. It was easy enough to understand her intentions even when she said little to nothing.

“What am I going to do?” You sighed out while feeling her fingers drumming against your arm. “Well, what do you want to do?” She shoots back, making you release another exasperated sigh. “I want to make it up to Sua unnie and Yoohyeon and Dami.” You tell her when Gahyeon takes a seat by the two of you.

Seeing the look on your face and how her roommate was currently comforting you, plus the sound of Bora’s voice last night, the maknae had no trouble understanding that you were at the receiving end of the dancer’s lecture.

“You could take them out, or buy them gifts.” She offers without batting an eye and you look up to see her opening a snack before your manager would come to pick you all up. “I’m not sure that’s going to cut it.” You tell her and Dong pats your head before she nodded in the maknae’s direction. “Those alone might not, but add in a proper apology - a genuine one, and you’ll be okay. I’m sure none of them were really upset, just worried.”

While you knew that was a fact, you weren’t usually one to worry your members, not like last night at least. Given the time you had left with So Hee, you were pretty sure that the girls slept much later than you think you did.

“Unnie, how are you feeling?”

You’re brought out of your brainstorming when you hear Yubin’s raspy voice, having just left your shared room looking for you. Seeing her made you abruptly stand up, and without thinking, you closed the distance between the two of you before wrapping your arms tight around her. Despite your aching head, you did it anyway and she was quick to reciprocate, though her brain was still waking up, she didn’t mind.

Knowing you were alright was enough right now.

“Did you sleep okay?” She asked softly and you nod against her shoulder while breathing in her scent, mumbling something she didn’t quite hear before she asked you to say it again. “Were you and Yoohyeon able to sleep properly?” You ask her, knowing how much Yoohyeon valued her sleep.

Grinning softly, Yubin nodded her head at you, giving you a tiny squeeze of reassurance before she nodded to your room. “Yoohyeon is still asleep, so I’m pretty sure she’s alright.” She answers, making you sigh out in relief before finally nodding, letting your shoulders relax and she’s happy to feel the tension leave your body.

Later in the afternoon, you make sure to treat your members to lunch, making up a random excuse, but Bora was able to catch on very quickly. After cornering you in the waiting room, the two of you had a proper talk before you finally felt your guilt fade away. And by the time you were back with everyone, Yoohyeon was clinging onto you just like she usually would with a cheery smile on her face, almost as though she didn’t fall asleep at nearly one in the morning.

..

Weeks after promotions, you were booked with various other schedules, ranging from interviews to photoshoots, to special clips. You had a lot planned for your fans and you were more than happy to give them something in return for their love and support.

“What made you pick this song, unnie?” Yoohyeon asked as she reviewed the recordings with you, opting to tag along since she was bored for the day with nothing to do. She just ended a live and decided to see who she could bother. And remembering that you were preparing for a special clip, she found her target.

“It’s a nice song and I thought it would be nice for Somnias.” Was your simple response, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it. This song was nowhere near your options when you first asked for her advice on what song to cover for your next special clip, but as her eyes skimmed over the lyrics sheet, she couldn’t help the flutter in her chest as each word was processed into her brain.

And as you stepped into the recording booth to sing, she listened to each word, the warmth spreading all over her body as you sang the song like a confession. The way you put your whole heart into it made her own beat faster, and as she thought about it, she couldn’t help but think back on what you told her.

“I wish I could find someone the same way you and Dami have each other.”

Could she not give you that?

But when the thought comes, she’s quick to push it to the very back of her mind to discuss with her girlfriend these confusing feelings. Of course, she’s always been fond of you, but to have her heart beat for you the same way it did for Yubin?

Thankfully though, her guilt doesn’t end up eating her alive because when they both join you for filming, you can’t stop fidgeting in your place until you spotted the couple approaching, both with smiles on their faces.

"Thank god you're here!" You practically jumped off your seat to hug the duo before taking a seat and Yubin is confused to see just how nervous you are. "Why are you squirming so much, unnie?" She muses and you whine while tugging at your shirt. "I don't know. I'm nervous!" You protest and they both giggle as they join you in sitting down.

"You're acting as though you've never filmed a video before. You even acted!" Yoohyeon teases playfully while you pout at her. "I'm used to having one of you around." You retort childishly and they both finally relent, knowing how your nerves usually kicked in.

Though Yubin did remember the song and asked. "By the way, unnie." She called for your attention and you looked at her. "Why this song?" She asks curiously while taking your hand, the answer still vague to both her and her girlfriend.

Grinning, you shrug your shoulders before the director asks to try another set. You squeeze her hand once and then let go. "Well, why sing a sad song when I could sing a love song?" You asked lightly before finally leaving the two alone and joining the rest of the staff to start filming.

All the while, they both silently watched as you brought your heart out into the song and the video, smiling to the camera without a care in the world and acting as though you were actually singing this song for someone.

In case you didn't know

You had my heart a long, long time ago

The release of the video earned itself a lot of love from many people. And while you had intended to only dedicate this song for your fans, you weren't expecting messages from some other people like Minhyuk and So Hee. Of course, you had gently explained to them that you could only see them as a friend, you were content with yourself now that you didn't have to constantly worry about finding love in someone else.

However, two of your members seemed to have plans of their own as they began to wrap up the rest of their own special clip a month after yours had been released.

When you watched it with them in your room, you couldn't help giggling at their playfulness throughout the whole clip.

"Are you guys secretly arguing or something because I wouldn't be able to tell?" You teased afterwards and Yoohyeon shook her head, though she can't fight back the smile threatening to fall on her lips at the sight of yours. "No, silly." She tells you while pulling you into her side.

"I was just kidding!" You defend with a giggle and Yoohyeon can't help it when she starts poking your side, making you gasp and hurriedly pull away from her. "Don't you dare!" You yelled, but the taller girl was already advancing, tackling you on your bed and digging her nails into your sides so your laughter could fill the room while Yubin just watched from the side with an amused grin on her face.

"Kim Yoohyeon! I swear!" You say in between laughter, but she only continues while dodging your own hands. "Dami! Help!" You screech, but she only smiles while raising her hands up in defense. "Sorry unnie, but this is all you." She says playfully. You can't even respond when more laughter comes tumbling from your lips.

It's only when you're breathless with a permanent smile on your face does Yoohyeon finally relent, both of you panting as you stare at the other. "You are so going to pay for that." You say in between pants, gasping for air and she crinkles her nose before lightly tapping your cheek.

"You needed a good laugh." She defends lamely and you roll your eyes. "Well I'm certain I'm getting one when-" Your words were cut off by a swift peck on the lips and when you looked up at the girl, you found her staring at you with a fond look in her eyes.

However that doesn't settle the panic that coursed through your veins when you realized what she'd done, covering your mouth with a hand before your eyes darted to the rapper.

Has she kissed you before? Obviously. All of your members have kissed you on the cheek, forehead, neck - you name it. But a kiss on the lips?

"What are you doing?" You whispered, terrified at what was happening but Yoohyeon's expression didn't change as she continued to look at you.

Had she lost her mind?

Yubin doesn't react though. She only let out a sigh when she saw the fear reflecting on your face before she gently ushered her girlfriend off of you. "Way to be subtle." She grumbles, and you're even more confused when she doesn't sound angry by the fact that her girlfriend had kissed someone else right before her very eyes.

"Am I missing something?" You squeaked out, pushing yourself up from the bed to stare at the duo and your roommate bit on her lip before smacking the taller woman's arm, earning a whine in response. "I told you to talk."

"I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!"

Grumbling, Yubin finally turned back to you, clearing her throat as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I know this might sound weird, but Yoohyeon and I have been talking-"

"Please don't tell me you broke up." Was your immediate response and both girls' eyes widened before they quickly shook their heads.

"No, no! It's nothing like that." Yoohyeon chuckles, waving a hand to calm you down before Yubin gently takes yours into her own. "We just did a little thinking." She tells you and you stay quiet this time, allowing them to get whatever it was off their chest.

"We both agree that it sucks seeing you get hurt." Yubin starts with Yoohyeon nodding beside her. "And maybe we were just being protective at first, but after that night with So Hee… we started to realize something."

"We both really like you. And I know that Dami and I are together but after we sat down and talked about our feelings, well… we thought that maybe you could give us a chance?" Yoohyeon finishes, a hopeful look in her eyes as she watches you.

They could both see the gears in your head working as you let their words sink in. They knew that it was a lot to take in. You had been the first person they told about their relationship, and they were nervous wrecks that time.

Now being asked to join said relationship? That was a completely different story.

"I…" They both hold their breath when you finally speak, brows furrowing together as you try to think of what to say. "So what you're saying is you both want to go out… with me?" You ask, uncertainty lacing your tone, but they nod nonetheless. "But you're-"

"Together, yes." Yubin says softly, being careful not to overwhelm you. "... Would that even work?"

They both manage to breathe a little. At least you weren't rejecting them right away.

"Of course! We've already been very affectionate with you, it's like we're just promoting ourselves to girlfriends." Yoohyeon chirps and you can't help but snicker a little at her words. Yubin ends up joining you as she lightly pushes the latter. "Why are you laughing? I'm serious!"

Yoohyeon pouted at the two of you as you giggled at her antics. "Seriously!" She complained and Yubin was able to calm herself down, chuckling as she patted the taller woman's arm. "Alright, alright." She turns back to you with the same fond grin, lacing her fingers with yours while she leaned against Yoohyeon's shoulder.

"Joking aside, unnie, if you're scared about things being weird, it's okay. We both have a lot of love to give and if you decide that you'd rather stay friends, we won't mind." She promises and Yoohyeon pouts a little. "I might mind a little." She mumbles quietly, earning a nudge from her girlfriend, and you smile at the two of them.

They've both been there for you through every date and potential relationship. They both stuck by you through your highs and lows. Honestly, you would be lying if you said that you didn't feel something for either of them. Always having them nearby, comforting and supporting you when you needed them managed to work with worming their way into your heart.

"What perks does being your girlfriend have again?" You ask lightly, and both of them light up when they see the playful glint in your eyes. "Well aside from the usual cuddles and dates, obviously, you get more hugs and kisses." Yoohyeon beams happily, her excitement rising as she practically bounced on the bed.

"Yoohyeon might have spoiled it a little, but…" Tugging you closer, Yubin soon let go of your hand before she placed both of her hands against your jaw. She held eye contact for a brief moment, giving you the chance to pull away if you wanted.

But when you only glance down to her lips, she smiles before finally pressing them to yours. Sighing softly when you reciprocate, but you both pull away when the girl next to her starts to whine.

"I only got a peck!" Yoohyeon protested and you both laughed before pulling the overgrown puppy over, both of you giving her a kiss on each cheek. "I told you I would get back at you." You giggle, and she honestly can't stay mad when you look at her like that.

They both share a smile over your head when you fall asleep sandwiched between them. Quietly promising between themselves, they'd take care of you.

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

[avengerscompound]

Plus Two - Chapter 16

Plus Two:  A Pepperony Fanfic

MASTERLIST PREVIOUS //

Buy me a coffee with Ko-fi Word Count:   2210

Pairing:  Pepper Potts x Tony Stark x F!Reader

Warnings:  smut (MFF bisexual threesome, oral sex, vaginal sex)

Synopsis:  Tony Stark- Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist, Pepper Potts, his long-serving and overworked assistant, and you, their on-again/off-again girlfriend and lead singer of the hit band, Arctic Fire.  Three very different people navigate a world of fame, addiction, betrayal, and superheroes, while they move from having a plus one to a plus two.

Chapter 16

It was strange how quickly something that was so out of the ordinary could start feeling normal.  As much as it pained you, polyamory wasn’t the norm, and every new person you, Pepper, and Tony outed yourselves to, involved the same speech about how it had happened, and how it fits for the three of you, and that you all hoped that if they couldn’t understand, they could at least accept it.  It was weird, but it became normal for all of you to brace for the question and you all had your well-rehearsed parts ready to go at a moment’s notice.

As the world constantly reminded you all, polyamory wasn’t normal, and yet, each day the three of you lived it.  You shared meals, laughter, affection, and sex.  It didn’t matter that only ten percent of Americans were in polyamorous relationships and that many of those weren’t out, it only mattered that you were one of those ten percent and for you, Pepper, and Tony, who had always struggled so hard to keep a relationship together, it worked.

Besides, as far as the percentage game went, ten percent was pretty good odds.  Only 8% of fortune 500 companies had women CEOs.  And here was Pepper Potts in charge of one of the most successful fortune 500 companies in the world.  Only 0.0086% of the population of the world was considered famous, and there were two bonafide celebrities in your household.  Of musicians in the world, 0.000002% were considered successful, and yet here you were with a series of triple-platinum albums and a whole shelf full of music awards.  As for how many Iron Men there were, well, so far there was one and you were dating him.

So ten percent was good.  You could handle that.  It was practically mundane.

After the funeral the three of you had come back and resumed life, this time, rather than only existing in the sex bubble, you were venturing out into the world more.  Returning to the very abnormal versions of normal you had.  Pepper went back to running Stark Industries.  Not that she had stopped running it before, but now she was going in more for board meetings and investor meetings and meetings with management.  You started making music again.  With your bandmates around the world, there were a lot of conference calls and sending home-recordings back and forth along with emails containing lyrics and sheet music.  You knew you’d have to tour again sometime, but for now, you were happy with how things were.  Especially given that Tony was mostly home.  Sure, he still provided tech and advice to the Avengers, and technically he was on backup, but over the six months between the death of his aunt and now, he’d never been called in.  So there had been a lot of times where he’d come out onto the patio while you were writing to annoy you, and you’d go down to his lab while he was tinkering with his suits to annoy him.  You liked this version of normal and it was coming out in your music.

The lyrics were all about love and intimacy.  About finding a home and a place in the world that was uniquely yours.

Talk with me, While away your time, Tell me everything you need.

Be with me, Do not hesitate, We can stay this way.

Because it feels like home, It feels like home, To me.

“I think we should come out publicly,” Tony said.  You were curled into his side, your eyes starting to feel heavy thanks to the hot chocolate and the room that was probably five degrees warmer than it should be.  Pepper had her head in his lap.  He’d been curling his fingers in her red hair, and when he spoke she startled as if she’d been right on the cusp of sleep.

“Huh, what?” she gasped. 

“Sorry,” Tony said, sheepishly.  “Sorry.  Didn’t know you were asleep.”

“I wasn’t,” she said, wiping her mouth.  “What did you say?”

“I said I want to go out publicly,” he said.  “As a throuple… triad… whatever we are.”

“What?” you asked.  “Like a statement.  I did write a song about the three of us fucking.”

“You did what?” Pepper yelped, turning on you with her eyes wide.

“It’s subtle.  No one will know.  Well… they might if we make a statement,” you said with a shrug.

“Okay, well, you’re never releasing that song,” she huffed, folding her arms over her chest.

“Why not?  It’s very complimentary,” you argued.

Tony started giggling between you and he wrapped his arms around both yours and Pepper’s waists.  “Ladies.  Ladies.  No fighting.  Not over little old me.”

“No one is fighting over you, Tony,” Pepper deadpanned.  “What do you want to do though?  Make a statement that says we’re all seeing each other?”

“No,” he said quickly.  “Fuck no.  But we could either go somewhere together.  A gala or premier.  Or… we could have the paps catch us together.”

Pepper raised an eyebrow and wrinkled her nose.  “You want to release a sex tape?”

You and Tony both burst out laughing and you fell back in the chair.  “Oh my god.  We could make so much money!  Imagine how many people would want to see Iron Man being double-teamed.  We could do one where we have the strap one,” you cackled.

Tony laughed harder and gripped your knee.  “You’re liking this too much.”

“And we definitely do not need that kind of money,” Pepper scolded.  “Cut it out, you bad girl.”

“All I meant,” Tony said, trying and failing to get his laughter under control.  “Was that we go out for brunch say… or go for a run in the park? You know they’re always tailing us in the park.  And while we’re out, we hold hands and kiss each other.  It would be pretty hard to argue that we are cheating on each other or some shit if we’re all making out in the park together.”

“Those cheating rumors have already started again, by the way,” you said.  “Of course, it’s Tony cheating on you with me.  No one has mentioned the fact you and I have been spotted out together a bunch.  Fucking Bugle.”

Pepper reached over and rubbed your thigh.  “We’re clearly not walking beside each other suggestively enough the way we do with Tony.”

You laughed.  “Right? When I walk around with Tony I’m always just humping his leg like a dog.”

Pepper laughed and shook her head.  “If we do this, we’re gonna hear about it?”

“Oh yeah,” Tony said.  “What are they gonna do?  Take Iron Man away from me?  Take away our money?  I don’t think so.  I’m not Cap.  I don’t have some image I’m supposed to protect.  And really if I got away with everything I did back in the day and they can’t accept me now I’m in love and happy…”

“You’re in love?” you asked him.

“Uh… what?” Tony asked.  “What did I say?”

“You said you were in love, Tony,” you said.

He ran his hand through the back of his hair.  “I’ve said I loved you both before.”

“I know,” you said.  “But you said you loved me when we were friends.  I knew you were in love with Pepper.  And I kind of knew it was true for me too, but that’s the first time you’ve said that about us both.”

Tony dropped his eyes and tapped his fingers on the edge of the couch in a random pattern.  “I know I’m not good with being vulnerable,” he said.  “But yes.  Okay?  I am in love with both of you, and honestly, I might have been since the start.”

“Aww… Tony…” you cooed and peppered kisses on his cheek.  “I’m in love with you too.”

“Yeah, I know, you’ve said,” he said.

“Okay, love birds,” Pepper interjected.  “I vote yes.  I think it’s going to make my life infinitely harder for a while because all I’ll be fielding are questions about the nature of our relationship, but I’d rather people know we were together than continue to look like the woman who turns a blind eye to her husband cheating on her.”

Tony took Pepper’s hand, frowning as he looked down at it.  “I’m sorry Pepper.”

“Sorry for what?” she asked.  “You’re not actually cheating on me.  You’ve never cheated on me.  We’re not even in an open relationship.  It’s just us together.”

A smile spread over Tony’s face as Pepper spoke.  “So does is it majority win or does it have to be all in all none?”

“I’d say it has to be all in,” you said, crossing one leg over the other.  “But lucky for you, I’m all in, baby.  Let’s out ourselves.”

“How do you want to do it?  An event or just being sloppy with the paps?”  Tony asked.

“I could go either way, though an event is more like work.  But on the other hand, I’m not a big lover of PDA.  It would feel like I was acting,” she said.  “And I’m not good at that either.”

“I want to be messy,” you said.  “Let’s get a hotel room somewhere and make sure the paps all know we’re staying there and then make out on the balcony.”

Tony laughed.  “Yeah. I like it.  Let’s do that.  Plus it would be a weird excuse for a holiday and I’m all for those.  Where do you want to go?”

“Mmm somewhere warm,” you said.  “What about Australia.  The Australian paps are fucking feral beasts.  They are so thirsty for a big scoop.”

“Okay, Australian holiday.  Should be good,” Tony agreed, pulling out his tablet and turning it on.  “When should we go?”

Pepper took the tablet from Tony and put it aside.  “Let’s do that later.  I think now we should celebrate this big decision.”

Tony put his arm around both of you and grinned.  “Oh, I do like the sound of that.”

He slid his hands up to cradle both yours and Pepper’s jaw, first pulling Pepper into a tender and heated kiss, and then switching to you.  When you pulled back you and Pepper leaned over Tony and kissed passionately.

Tony pushed up your sleep shirt and sucked on the side of your breast.  You moaned into Pepper’s lips and he turned and did the same to Pepper.

Pepper pulled back from you and pulled Tony back against her.  He let her guide him where she wanted until he was lying on his back on the couch.  She stripped naked quickly as you pulled down Tony’s sweatpants.

You kneeled on the floor beside them and began sucking on the head of his cock.  You were teasing about it, flicking your tongue over the slit and nipping at the sensitive spot under the head.  He groaned and wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you close to him.  His hand slipped between your legs and began to finger your clit.  You hummed and started to take him deeper into your throat.  Pepper straddled his face and as his fingers moved in small circles over your clit, he began lapping at her cunt.

Your arousal grew and your pussy started to drip.  Tony drew out your fluids with his fingers and used them to slick over your clit.  His cock throbbed in your mouth and each time you dropped your head down and felt him press into your throat, he’d groan and arch his back like he was trying to feel more.  Pepper moaned softly as she rocked her hips on his face.

Your body buzzed and tingled, and you got up and pushed off your pants and straddled his lap, sinking onto his cock.  You moaned as he filled you, and Pepper reached forward and wrapped her hand around the back of your neck, and pulled you into a passionate kiss.

The two of you rode him, you bouncing on his cock, as Pepper rocked against his face.  You and Pepper ran your hands over each other as you kissed, massaging each other’s tits and running your fingers back into each other’s hair.  Pepper brought her fingers to your clit and rubbed it in tight circles as you rode Tony’s cock.

Pleasure bubbled up inside you, seeping out through you like spilled molasses.  Your skin prickled and in the heat of the room, sweat began to bead on your skin.  Pepper’s orgasm hit first and she cried out as she released on Tony’s face.  It made Tony groan and buck up into you erratically.  That was all it took.  You threw your head back and cried out as your orgasm shuddered through you.

Tony mewled and his hips jerked erratically, and with a hard thrust, he came, spilling inside you.

You hummed and both you and Pepper slithered off him.  Tony wiped his mouth and sat up breathing heavily.  “You’re both gonna kill me with sex one day,” he said.  “And man, what a way to go.”

You laughed and got up and stretched.  “Gonna go clean up, who wants to join me?”

They both got up with you.  You knew they would.  There was always the option for shower sex after all.

// NEXT

[imagineaworlds]

Bunny and Baby -- Poly!BAU Team

(Edited version for a broader audience. You can check out the full version on @hotch-and-bunny)

Written By: @desperately-bisexual

Request: None.

Warnings: Dom/sub relationships, Sir kink, Mistress kink, Ma’am kink, Daddy kink, dirty talk, restraints (handcuffs), collaring, leashes, edging, orgasm control, orgasm denial, ruined orgasms, degradation, mild choking, pegging, impregnation/breeding kink, minimal in-chapter aftercare, though it is alluded to happening afterwards. The reader does go by they/them pronouns, however, the team refers to them as female when saying “good girl”, “princess”, etc.

Pairing: Nonbinary!Reader (fem anatomy) x BAU Team.

Dynamic (in order of superiority): Sir!Dom!Aaron Hotchner, Ma’am!Dom!Elle Greenaway, Mistress!Dom!Emily Prentiss, Daddy!Dom!Derek Morgan,    switch!Reader (sub in this plot), bunny!sub!Spencer Reid.

Word Count: 7645

Criminal Minds Discord Server

We had been returning from a case in Louisiana, everyone sitting comfortably in their own seats on the jet. Hotch and I were beside each other— I was pressed between him and the window— Morgan was across from us, Emily and Elle were across the aisle and a row back, and Spencer was laying on the couch. Rossi hadn’t come with us because he had a family emergency. Emily and Elle were the only ones talking while the rest of us were quietly working on our own things; but Spencer was just half asleep on the couch, trying to catch up on some rest. He told us before we boarded that he had another headache that kept him up all night, and we all scolded him for not coming to one of us and seeking help because we always knew what to do to help him. He insisted that it wasn’t a big deal, though. While I didn’t entirely believe him, we all decided to let him rest during the flight.

It wasn’t until there was a bit of turbulence that made me grab onto Hotch’s arm that things got… interesting. The thing was, when it came to Aaron Hotchner, the slightest touch could set him off, and he would get mean because he saw even the simplest of shoulder bumps as a bratty act that needed to be punished. I always had to be careful around him because of that. But I forgot. The plane jumped in the air, my stomach dropped, and before I knew it, I was squeezing his bicep to ground myself as some kind of reminder that I wasn’t going to die or something.

When the turbulence passed, I tore my hand away from Hotch, keeping in mind that I had to keep my hands to myself, but it was too late. He was staring at me. I swallowed hard and tried to go back to my book that Spencer had recommended, which was his attempt to win his favor with me after he pissed me off one day and I wanted to punish him. He was lucky that I wasn’t as mean as Hotch and Emily. Unfortunately for me, however, that meant I was completely fucked because Hotch was still sitting there, staring at me, likely asking himself how I could dare to touch him without permission, even when it was for something as innocent as it had been. I finally dared to look up at him. He was frowning.

“Sir—” I tried to explain myself quietly so that the others couldn’t hear, but he shook his head, silently telling me to stop. I fell silent and gulped.

Hotch, without saying anything, looked back down at the iPad that was sitting on the table in front of him as he was going through emails, scoping out new cases to take on; but what he did after that was somewhat unexpected. His hand closest to me drifted between my thighs. I adjusted in my seat, trying to fix my posture to be “smooth” so that no one else would notice. No one looked up. Hotch continued with his plan, forcing his hand between my thighs, spreading my legs open to give him access to what was beneath my skirt. I should have known that wearing a skirt on the jet was only going to get me in trouble, but with the case having just ended, and with Spencer’s headaches, my attire had been the last thing on my mind. To Hotch, however, it seemed to be the only thing on his mind.

“Don’t make a sound,” he whispered to me. I was surprised Morgan didn’t hear him.

When I nodded, Hotch pressed his index and middle fingers against my panties, finding the sensitive nub that was my clit, hiding behind my labia and the clitoral hood. He was too far. I needed him to press harder to actually feel his fingers, to actually get me to the edge rather than just get needy for him— but my desperation for him and what was about to come was undeniable when he slid his fingers down to hover over my core, discovering a wet spot that was slowly forming. Hotch snickered to himself. I knew that he was probably thinking to himself something along the lines of how he had only just touched me and I was already wet, proving to him that I was always thinking about having one of them— if not all of them— fuck me.

Hotch moved back up to my clit, and he pressed hard enough that I could feel him, but not enough to actually give me everything I wanted. Slowly, he started rubbing circles over my panties. A quiet sigh left my lips as I leaned back in my seat, moved my hips forward to give him better access, and I screwed my eyes shut. There was no doubt that if Morgan happened to look up, he would know exactly what was happening.

As Hotch’s fingers started moving faster, I rolled my hips eagerly to make his pace in an attempt to speed up my orgasm, but he pulled away somewhat and slowed down until I stopped moving and waited politely for him to make another move. He went back to what he was doing suddenly. I tensed and tried my very best to hold still this time while also biting my lip to keep myself from moaning. But I was so close again. So, so close. I just wanted to cum for him.

“Sir, please,” I whispered. “Please.”

“Please, may I cum?”

“Ask Mistress first.”

My eyes widened and I looked at him, but he was still reading his emails, so I looked over at Emily. She was still casually talking to Elle without a single clue as to what a mess I was while sitting next to Hotch. I shook my head. I couldn’t. I couldn’t beg like that randomly when they were all doing their own things. So, Hotch shrugged because he didn’t care one way or the other. If I wasn’t going to ask, he wasn’t going to let me cum, and for him, that was fun and it didn’t matter. But to me, it mattered. His fingers kept rolling over my clit again and again, and it was getting unbearable, it was getting torturous. So, I dared to give in.

I let out an audible moan while leaning forward to grab onto the table to hold my orgasm back, and I croaked, “Mistress—” Everyone stopped what they were doing to look over at me. There I was, clearly falling apart as Hotch’s arm was suspiciously moving in the direction that led just between my thighs. Emily was staring at me. “Mistress, please, may I cum?”

Her mouth fell agape in shock when she realized what it was that Hotch was doing and why I was asking. She looked between me and Hotch. “Have they been good?” she asked him.

“No,” he said nonchalantly.

“Then, no, you may not cum, slut,” she said to me.

I whimpered and increased my grip on the table until my knuckles were turning white. “Please! I’m not going to last!”

“You cum, you get punished,” Morgan said.

“Fuck…” I tried wiggling away from Hotch, but it was useless since I was trapped in the seat next to the window. “Please…” I was breathless now. “Please… I can’t…”

“And what are you doing?” Elle questioned roughly, squinting at Spencer, scolding him for something I couldn’t see.

Spencer floundered and stuttered from the couch. “I— Um. Nothing, Ma’am. I’m sorry. It was nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Fuck—” I moved my hips around again with Hotch’s fingers as my orgasm suddenly washed through me, a shiver running down my spine as my toes curled in my shoes, my thighs shook against the leather seat, and my walls clenched around nothing. “Shit.” Hotch slowed his movements as I came down from my high. My eyes quickly scanned the interior of the jet, catching how they were all scowling at me, unpleased with how I had cum without any of their permission. My heart sank in my chest. “I’m sorry.”

“First, Spence starts touching himself without permission,” Elle began as she stood from her seat and started approaching the couch. I sat up a bit in my seat so that I could look over my shoulder to see Spencer sitting up somewhat now, an erection straining his pants, a small wet spot on the front from his pre-cum. “Then, you cum without our permission.” She ran her fingers through Spencer’s hair, then once she was far enough in, she curled her grip, roughly pulling at his curls to make him sit up all the way. “And the two of you still had the audacity to say that you’re sorry. I don’t think they’re actually sorry; do you, Morgan?”

“No,” he answered, also disappointed in us.

“We didn’t train brats,” she hissed, pulling at Spencer’s hair again, making him whimper.

“His headache, Elle—” Emily warned quickly.

Elle froze when she remembered, and she tried removing her grip from Spencer, suddenly aware of how she might have hurt him in her fit of anger. “I’m sorry, Spence—”

But he cut her off by gently taking her wrist and leading her touch back to his hair, encouraging to pull again. “It’s gone.”

“Don’t lie, bunny.”

“I’m not, Ma’am.”

She smirked and tugged again, bringing him to his knees. “Then the two of you have no excuse for misbehaving. Their punishment, Morgan.”

Hotch slid out of his seat and moved to the back of the jet where Emily was still sitting so that there was enough room for Morgan to stand at the same time as I did, knowing that it was better than him grabbing onto my hair, too. When we were both in the aisle, my back close to Elle’s, Morgan caught me off guard by pinching my chin roughly in between his thumb and his other four fingers. I pouted my eyes at him. I was trying to silently beg for mercy, but, of course, it didn’t work.

In fact, it made him chuckle. “Princess, you did this to yourself.”

“Daddy, I’m sorry… Please… I didn’t mean to cum.”

“Then, you should have held it like good girls do.”

“Their punishment, Derek,” Hotch reminded.

Morgan rolled his eyes because he already knew what he was doing and he hated that Hotch thought he needed to be babysat while Domming me, even though he didn’t. Morgan and I had done plenty of scenes together. As the only switch in our relationship, it was easy for me to go visit one of them when I needed to be Dommed, whereas I would go to Spencer if I needed to Dom. Each of them were unique Doms, though, and I would seek them out separately, depending on what I needed. I mean, I lived with Hotch, but he could be cruel, and sometimes, I didn’t need that. Out of all of us, Morgan was the kindest. His punishments were never harsh, and playing with him was always easy, compared to with Emily or Elle, who were on the same wavelength, both masters at torturing me with edges, ruins, forced orgasms. When I needed something light, I went to Morgan. When I needed to be completely out of control, not a single thought in my head, I went to Emily or Elle— usually both at the same time. With Hotch, he was everything that Morgan, Emily, and Elle were, but he was also the one who gave me the harshest punishments. Nipple clamps that he tugged on, floggers, plugs, being tied up and left there for an hour while he was gone, cockwarming me until he came and I didn’t. But Morgan was the one that had dictated my punishment. For cumming, he got to decide what they were going to do with me, which gave me a little bit of hope that it wouldn’t be that bad.

“Hands behind your back,” he demanded.

I did so without hesitation, and he spun me around so that he could cuff my hands together. I had a good view of Spencer and Elle now. He was on his knees in front of her, the two of them watching each other carefully— probably because she was trying to decide if he was lying about his headaches or not, and he was trying to gauge how bad his punishment would be. But she was just playing with his hair. We all loved to do that. I mean, Spencer loved it, too, which was why he did it, and it was the easiest way to ease him in and out of sub space. When I would Dom him, our sessions were usually the same. I’d go to his house to find him kneeling by the door, waiting patiently for me while wearing his cute little collar that we all picked out for him, and then he’d cook dinner for me. Sometimes, if he had been bratty, I’d sit in the living room, using him to balance platters in his hands that held my wine glass, any snacks I had, and sometimes even a book or two. If he ever dropped them, I’d punish him. If not, I’d reward him. For rewards, we’d go to his bedroom where I’d worship his cock, but never getting him close enough to the edge to actually make it 100% pleasant. I liked watching him squirm. Even when he had his best days, he knew that I wasn’t going to immediately let him cum because my favorite part about being his Dom was controlling his orgasms. As for punishments, that usually came with tying him up, flogging him sometimes, ruining his poor, little orgasms to make him whimper pathetically, and overstimulating him. I fucking loved the sounds he made during sex. Usually, I could pry them out of him with just a simple praise, but they were always so sweet when I had him tied to his bed, a plug in his ass, and I was riding every single drop out of him, never stopping even after he came inside of me.

His hair, though… One rough tug at his hair and he was immediately our bunny. For aftercare, his favorite thing was cuddling while we played with his curls. Brushing his hair, curling his strands around our fingers, gently massaging his scalp, all of those things prevented him from sub dropping, and it reassured him that he was safe with us, that we loved him, that he was going to be okay. I loved his hair. In fact, I was obsessed with it. Watching as Elle played with it and he nuzzled against her with a hypnotized, submissive smile on his face, I felt myself lighten up, too.

“Come here, bunny,” Morgan beckoned Spencer over to us. After Elle released him, he crawled around her and stopped just in front of me. “Take their skirt off.” Spencer did as he was told, reaching up for my waistband, quickly pulling my skirt down to my ankles. I helped him by stepping out of them. “Not their panties,” he warned when Spencer moved for those, too. Spencer dropped his hands to his lap. “Can you see how wet Sir made them? The mess they made from breaking the rules?”

Spencer nodded. “Yes, Daddy.”

“Don’t be like them.”

“Spence, where’s your collar?” Elle asked, already digging through his bag that she retrieved from one of the overhead bins. I heard another one open behind me and Morgan, probably something that Hotch or Emily were looking for. “Nevermind.” She found Spencer’s collar and leash in his go-bag and brought it over to us. “Presentation.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Spencer looked up somewhat so that Elle could see where she was positioning the collar over his Adam’s apple, and then he looked down and moved his long hair out of the way so that she could clasp it together.

“Presentation,” Morgan whispered in my ear. So, that was what the other overhead bin had been. Hotch had probably gone digging for my collar, too.

The rule with me and Spencer was that we weren’t allowed to wear our collars in public because the whole point of kink was that all parties were consenting adults at all times. If someone wasn’t consenting to the scene, it had to stop immediately. The thing with wearing an obvious O-collar out and about was that the general public couldn’t consent to viewing it. Yes, it looked like a choker if you were oblivious, but it still wasn’t fair. And we didn’t like to draw attention to ourselves, anyhow. So, Spencer and I could never wear our collars in public, but we always had to bring them in our go-bags in case a situation like this arose where we were at the hotel and needed to submit, or, yes, even on the jet. This had only happened once before, though, to be fair.

When Morgan finished clasping my collar around my neck, he pushed me to my knees, my face even with Spencer’s. His breath was hot on my nose, our lips so close I could nearly taste him, but Elle tugged on his leash, pulling him back, and Morgan tugged on mine, pulling me back. We both whimpered at the feeling. “You don’t get to touch each other,” Morgan hissed. “In fact, Y/N, you don’t get to touch anyone at all.” My eyes widened and I looked up at Elle, almost as if I could read the look on her face to see how the rest of them were feeling behind me. 

She was smirking. “Bunny’s so hard…” Elle teased, pulling on Spencer’s leash to have him lean back against her thighs. “Aren’t you?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he admitted.

“You’re lucky that you only palmed yourself without permission. If you would have done anything worse, we’d be making your punishment no-touch, like Y/N. What do you say to us for sparing you that torture?”

“Thank you.”

“Good boy.”

“Let’s move them to the front,” Morgan told Elle so that she could pull Spencer onto the couch to give him room to make me crawl towards the front of the jet where no one would bother me. “Go on,” he encouraged. I started crawling, and when I made it where he wanted me, he had me turn around so that I was facing the entirety of the team. “Now, you get to sit here and watch.”

“Daddy?” I questioned, unsure of what he meant.

“And not talk.” He crouched and kissed me gently. “This is what you get for breaking the rules.”

“It’s useless to keep apologizing; isn’t it?” Around Morgan, I could talk to him like that, which was a little more casual than most scenes called for, but with the others, I could never say anything like that. Morgan understood, though. He nodded and kissed me again. “Give me a toy, at least. Edge me, ruin me— Anything.”

“No.” He stood back up.

Elle had Spencer’s pants on the ground now, and Emily had moved to the couch to peel his shirt off. As Morgan approached them, Hotch moved closer, too. I watched as the four of them dedicated their entire attention to Spencer, kissing his jawline, nibbling on his earlobe, running their thumbs over his sensitive nipples, and Elle worked her hand down under his briefs. I rolled my hips around for friction against my soaked panties when I heard Spencer let out a breathless moan just before Hotch kissed him to shut him up.

“Don’t let him edge,” Emily warned as Elle continued to play with Spencer inside of his underwear.

“Aw,” Elle cooed with false sympathy against his cheekbone, “is bunny already close?”

He nodded eagerly while pulling away from his kiss with Hotch. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Well, I think it’s only fair to make you ask Mistress for permission the same way Y/N had to.”

He turned his head to look up at Emily. “Please, Mistress?” He sounded just as desperate and pathetic as I had. “May I cum?”

“You touched without permission, though, bunny,” she said to him. He shook his head, knowing that was her answer without saying what she actually meant. “I know that listening to Y/N beg was overwhelming for you…”

She dragged her nails down his chest, making his chest tense up. I saw the way his little stomach sucked in, and I whimpered again. I wanted that to be me touching him. I loved the little tummy he had now since we had helped him get over his addiction since Mexico. He was so healthy now, which meant eating well, something we regulated, and it gave him a cute, healthy, tummy that showed when he was wearing his belts with a button down shirt. I loved praising that part of him. Sometimes, it was obvious how self-conscious it could make him, but when we let him know how much we loved it and how proud we were of his progress since Mexico, he would love it, too.

Spencer bucked up when Elle pulled her hand out of his underwear, leaving him hanging on the edge. Hotch grabbed Spencer’s hips and pushed him back down onto the couch with a huff, probably still angry about me, but now it was worse since Spencer was acting up. I saw Spencer’s cock twitch helplessly behind the constraints of his clothes. He was trying to reach for someone’s hand again, but Morgan collected his wrists together and took Elle’s handcuffs, using them to restrain Spencer the same way I was restrained.

“Please,” he pleaded. “Something. Anything. Please.”

“My bag, Hotch,” Emily muttered, focusing on getting Spencer out of his underwear now. He let out a sigh of relief when his cock bounced freely against his stomach. Hotch scrambled to Emily’s go-bag at the back of the plane and started digging in it for something. “The red one—”

“I know,” he grumbled. “I know.”

He pulled out three things, holding them up long enough for me to inspect from where I was kneeling on the opposite side of the jet. The red strap on that Emily loved to fuck Spence with, a bottle of lube to help him take her easier, and the worst part… Honestly, I didn’t know what was worse, what I was enduring or what torture was awaiting Spencer with the last toy Hotch retrieved. I didn’t even realize Emily carried it around with her. How did she even think to bring such a thing? I mean, I understood the red strap and the lube, but… that? I almost felt bad for Spencer. At least I got to cum earlier, even though I wasn’t supposed to, but it seemed like they didn’t want Spencer to cum at all. I felt sorry for him. If I wasn’t so far into sub space, I probably would’ve snickered with the rest of them, thinking about all of the wicked ways I could have tortured him with it, but… No, I couldn’t while we were both being punished.

“If you want to touch so bad,” Hotch said while returning to the couch, “then we’ll touch.” Spencer’s eyes widened when he saw the last toy. “But we won’t let you cum.”

He struggled against his Doms’ holds as Hotch knelt down to begin the tedious process of sliding the tight metal cock ring over Spencer’s length. Spencer cursed at the feelings. I had no doubts that the ring was cold to the touch— which was an unbearable feeling for him— and it was probably so tight on him… When it reached his base, it kept all of the blood right where it needed to be to ensure he stayed hard. And then Hotch grabbed the string version of the cock ring, which was entirely adjustable, so he slid it over Spencer’s balls and tightened it. Spencer cried out.

“Sir—” Spencer moaned pleasantly as Hotch suddenly dipped down and wrapped his lips around Spencer’s cock. “Thank you, Sir.”

Emily came over to torture me. She pulled at my leash, choking me, tugging my head back somewhat. “Keep your eyes on Spence.”

My gaze was narrowed down my cheeks and my nose so that I could watch as Hotch slowly licked his tongue around Spencer’s sensitive tip that was still leaking pre-cum. I knew he tasted good. I knew that he was probably a leaking, pathetic mess, and Hotch was enjoying every second of torturing him; and I wished that it were me instead of Hotch.

Without warning, Emily pressed her index finger against my clit, making me jolt.

“Fuck!”

Emily snickered and started rubbing my clit faster.

“Mistress, I’m close. Please.”

“No.” She kissed the tip of my nose before pulling her touch away. I leaned forward to regain her touch, but she was already walking away. “Lemme fuck him,” she told Hotch, wiping some of the sweat off of Spencer’s forehead.

“I want to warm him up first,” Elle said eagerly. Hotch released Spencer from his mouth and pushed himself to his feet. “Turn him over.”

Morgan and Emily worked together to get Spencer on his knees on the floor, and they pressed his chest against the couch. Emily tugged at his leash to keep him distracted when he looked over at me with a painful, silent plea for help— help which I couldn’t give. He accepted his fate, closing his eyes as he waited for the next step.

“Let me hold him,” I begged. “Please. I’ll serve you all while I do it!”

Elle squirted some of the lube onto her index and middle fingers before rubbing them up and down Spencer’s slit. He tensed up. “Fine,” she said, still concentrating on him. “Come here.”

Morgan sat on the couch, his thigh just beside Spencer’s head so that we couldn’t make eye contact from where I was anymore. I started crawling towards all of them, letting Morgan pick up my leash when I was close enough so that he could tug me forward. He spread his legs so that I was sitting between his knees. “Suck,” he commanded, beginning to take his pants off.

I took the moment with nothing to do as an opportunity to finally turn my head to look at Spencer who still had his cheek pressed against the couch. I leaned down and kissed him. He perked up and started kissing me back. Just as it got more intense, the two of us fighting for dominance in our kiss, I felt him suddenly back down when Elle slid her fingers into his tight hole, causing him to moan against my lips. Our hands were still trapped behind our backs, so I couldn’t hold him steady to encourage him to keep kissing me, I couldn’t tangle my hands in his hair, and I couldn’t even reach to hold his hands as they struggled in his cuffs.

“Baby girl,” Morgan called, waiting for me.

“Stop ignoring him,” Hotch hissed, pushing my panties to the side and sliding his thumb into me. “Shit.” He sounded so turned on. “Fuck, baby.”

“You and bunny,” Elle chuckled. “The two of you can never hold it together. Pathetic.”

Spencer and I moaned happily in response to the degradation.

Morgan, now completely impatient, held my head between his palms, tore me away from Spencer, then turned my gaze before pushing my mouth onto his cock. He kept moving me until I gagged. I felt Spencer rut against the couch when Elle must have curled her fingers against his prostate or something, and I followed suit when I felt Hotch replace his short thumb with his long cock. I thought I was supposed to be facing punishment— Not that I was arguing. Even if I could talk, I wouldn’t have brought it up, because at least I finally got him. He always felt so good. He was so long, but not as thick as Morgan, not that it mattered. Both of them knew how to please me, and that was what mattered more than anything.

“Jesus, baby girl,” Morgan moaned, throwing his head back.

“He’s ready,” Elle said. Spencer whimpered when there was a loss of contact between them after she pulled out of him and stepped away, giving Emily room to kneel behind him and line up her cock with his ass. “Are you going to be good for us, bunny? No cumming?”

Spencer whined. “I don’t know, Ma’am.”

“Promise or we won’t fuck you.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he insisted quickly, realizing his mistake. “I won’t cum. I promise.”

“Good boy.”

Suddenly, he was pushed forward when Emily roughly thrust into him. I pulled my mouth off Morgan long enough for me to catch my breath and moan as Hotch continued fucking me softly to torture me, and I looked over to see Emily showing no remorse with Spencer. Poor thing. Elle had stretched him, and Emily took a second to let him adjust, but now he was ruined. Absolutely destroyed. He was going to be wobbling on our way off the jet when we would land, I just knew it. 

“I didn’t say you could stop, slut,” Morgan growled, grabbing me by the hair this time to make sure that I wouldn’t move away from him this time. I groaned as I took all of him in my mouth again. Just as he willed it, I bobbed my head up and down, my jaw slack, my tongue flat, my throat open to stop the gagging because he was using me as a hole and nothing else, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Hotch pissed me off suddenly by reaching under me to grab my breasts through my shirt, making me roll my hips eagerly against him. “So greedy.” He thrust roughly into me in an attempt to warn me off of acting out again, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to cum. I had to cum. I needed some kind of relief. “Don’t you fucking dare—” He pulled out of me when he felt me tighten around him. “Brat.” He spanked me hard. “Elle.”

“I thought you understood that we didn’t train brats, baby,” Elle said, backing Hotch up. She teased her cleaned and re-lubed fingers at my ass now while Hotch realigned with my pussy. “You and bunny don’t get to cum.”

I moaned around Derek’s length as Elle and Hotch both thrusted into me simultaneously. He gave me every single inch he had to offer, making sure I felt just how big he was, the way he could reach deep places inside of me that made my knees weak every time. As for Elle, her approach had been a bit slower so that she could be safe. When her fingers were moving in me, she only put them in about half way before gently pulling them out and pushing them back in, this time all the way to the bottom knuckle, and then she curled her fingers. Morgan held me steady as I moaned around him again. The three of them working together to fill each of my holes was… I mean, they had all filled me further before, but this just felt so different… so good…

“Mmm—” Morgan bucked his hips up so that he could fuck my face harder. “I’m gonna cum.” He panted as his fingers gripped my hair harder. He let out a grunt as his whole body tensed, his orgasm finally hitting him like a train. As his cum spilled into my mouth, I used his hesitancy as a chance to finally move my tongue around, stimulating his shaft, making him twitch and squirm a bit more, and I hummed happily around him to make it even worse. They were torturing me, the least I could do was slyly return the favor. “Shit, baby!” He pulled me off before I could continue overstimulating. “Fuck.” His thumb caressed my cheek lovingly for a second. “Go on. Swallow.” I shook my head. I couldn’t. I couldn’t take anything more. I was so full, I felt like I was going to explode. He furrowed his brows. “Swallow, slut.” I kept shaking my head, and I tried to escape Elle and Hotch so that I could find somewhere to spit, but they held my hips still while Morgan grabbed my face. “Swallow.”

I searched his eyes for a moment, quickly realizing that he wasn’t going to release me until I did as he asked. Even if the jet landed and we were supposed to be getting off, probably to head back to mine and Hotch’s place to finish all of this, Morgan was going  to sit there with me until I swallowed. I had no choice. While keeping my gaze even with his, I slowly swallowed the load he gave me. When I was done, I opened my mouth to prove my success, and he finally let go of me while grinning.

“Was that so hard?” he teased.

“Mistress,” Spencer moaned, his voice muffled somewhat, “I can’t take it anymore.”

Morgan and I looked away from each other to investigate what was happening, and it was just as our attention was brought to him that we saw Spencer slump as he gave up. Emily was still fucking him, don’t get me worng, but his poor, red, needy cock was leaking, begging for the cock rings to be taken off so that he could ejaculate— and he just couldn’t take the denial anymore. He couldn’t take being on the brink constantly. Holding his posture for her so that he could fuck his ass, keeping his head turned so that we could hear his pathetic noises, all of that meant nothing to him now. They had finally broken him.

“It hurts,” he complained.

“Color,” she whispered, brushing his curls back so that she could lean over his back and start kissing his neck lovingly.

“Green, but I can’t… I can’t… I’m gonna—”

“The two of you and not being able to hold it today,” Elle scolded, moving her fingers faster inside of my ass. “It’s like we need to teach you guys how to behave again and work on your stamina.”

Spencer and I quickly exchanged a worried glance. We hadn’t done stamina in so long. This was close, sure, but actual stamina training with Elle was the worst— especially if Hotch were there. They liked to tie me and Spencer up so that couldn’t move a single muscle, and then they’d press a vibrator against my clit while Spencer got the fleshlight. For hours, we would have to lay there, edging again and again as Hotch and Elle turned on my vibrator and started fucking the fleshlight over Spencer’s cock, and then they’d stop when we were close enough. It was torture. They purposefully gave us hard edges. The longer we went, the more rewards we earned for the week, but if we came, they ruined our orgasms before painfully continuing, and all of it was for the sake of increasing our stamina during sex and teaching us how to hold back our orgasms until we had permission. It worked after a while. Spencer was a lot worse at it than I was, but we finally got the hang of it, and the two of us were pretty good about holding out until we had proper permission; but there was just something about the atmosphere of being on the jet compared to being at someone’s house or in a hotel room that had our brains melted down to nothing. I had orgasmed once without permission, and there were multiple occasions while Hotch and Elle were fucking me from behind that I felt myself getting there again— and if they weren’t so good about pulling away on time to edge me, I would have cum again without permission, regardless of the punishment. But Spencer… He was trying so hard to be their good boy. He had touched himself without permission, which he knew wasn’t allowed, so he had accepted that he wasn’t allowed to cum, but those cock rings were straining against him, practically milking him considering the way he was leaking so helplessly; and it was just too much for him. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Bunny, if you cum, we’re going to have to put you in your cage,” Emily warned.

“We should anyways,” Hotch panted from behind me.

Spencer shook his head urgently. “No. Please. I’ll be good. I- I prom… I promise.” He sighed as Emily changed her pace while fucking him. “I promise.” It sounded like he was crying now. “I promise…” Our little broken record. “I promise.” Not a single thought in that pretty head of his.

Hotch pulled out of me suddenly and he snatched away Elle’s fingers. My legs shook as my sudden, unexpected, unplanned orgasm was completely ruined. I hadn’t seen it coming. One second, I was watching Spencer fall apart, the next, I was clenching around nothing as my orgasm peaked yet I got no relief from the feeling since they had removed the stimulation when I needed it most. My clit was throbbing. I fell, just like Spencer, my cheek crashing against Morgan’s warm thigh.

“Their cuffs,” Hotch said pressingly. Morgan reached for his pants that were pooled at his ankles, and he grabbed the key from his pocket, then he handed it off to Hotch. “We’re done with you, baby girl,” he told me. I shook my head. I needed to cum. I had to… I had to cum… Geez, I felt as broken as Spencer looked. “Can you stand?” I shook my head again. “Okay…” He freed my hands and rubbed my wrists to ease the pain from every time I struggled against the metal bondings. “How bad is it?” he asked, taking my leash and gently tugging, a signal that he wanted me to turn around face him. I did so. When he saw my face, he chuckled, and Elle followed shortly, the two of them so impressed by how broken I must have looked. I knew that my hair was a mess, my eyes and bottom lip were pouting, and my legs were still shaking. I looked ridiculous. “That bad, princess?” He stroked his cock at the sight of me.

“Fuck them again like this,” Elle encouraged seductively in his ear. “Both of them on their backs…” she said a little louder so that everyone could hear her. “Taking what we give them.”

Hotch fell in love with the idea, immediately shooing Morgan off the couch so that he could throw me onto it. I yelped as I landed on the cushions. My right thigh was just next to Spencer’s face— so close that I could feel his pants against my skin— and Hotch, Elle, and Morgan were standing just in front of me, licking their hips with lust and hunger in their eyes. Hotch was still running his grip up and down his length at the sight of me.

“Look at the mess we made, bunny.” Morgan reached over and pulled at Spencer’s hair, pulling him upright so that his back was pressed flush against Emily’s chest as she used the new angle to fuck him harder and deeper. Spencer’s engorged penis twitched at the sight of me. My panties were soaked with a mixture of my wetness and cum. “Don’t they look so stupid?”

Spencer nodded while screwing his shut in response to Emily’s cock hitting a new spot inside of him. “Yes, Daddy. They look so good.”

I rolled my hips around, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. My whole body was on fire, and I just needed someone to touch me again. I needed to touch Spencer, which was the worst part, because I knew that they wouldn’t let me, and even if I could, a single touch was going to set him off, and I would’ve felt bad if they ruined him, too. 

“You want me, baby?” Hotch teased, gliding his thumbs over my hard nipples through my shirt.

I nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

“You want me to breed you?”

I let out a shaky breath before gulping and nodding. “Yes, Sir.”

He stopped fucking with me and he instead went back to stroking his cock. “I know you want to cum, baby,” he cooed, “but you can’t… Rules are rules.” He started fucking his fist faster. “Good girls get to cum.” His breath was ragged now. “You weren’t good.”

Elle grabbed his face and turned him so that they were suddenly kissing, and he pushed his hand past her pants and panties so that he could press a finger directly against her clit. They moaned together.

“I’m going to cum,” Spencer warned. Morgan was holding his leash taut, forcing Spencer to keep his back against Emily’s chest while she moaned into his neck and left a hundred different hickies. “Please. Please, Mistress.”

“No.”

“I can’t hold it.” He was leaking onto my knee now, that was how close together we were.

“I said, no. You cum, you get caged.”

“Fuck—” What Emily said did the opposite of what she had intended. Instead of deterring him from cumming, the threat of being locked up in a cock cage enticed Spencer, tipping him over the edge that he needed so badly. “I’m cumming!”

Just as his dick started twitching, Elle jumped into action, quickly grabbing my hips and turning me so that Spencer was lined up between my legs, and she pushed my panties to the side. Emily fucked harshly into Spencer as he started cumming. The force of her action jolted Spencer forward, putting his tip directly at my entrance. We both moaned at the feeling. I needed him, and it seemed he needed me, because when he felt how wet I was, his weak, repressed load slowly poured into me. He had tried to hold back. I could tell with how sad his orgasm was and how he was whimpering that he didn’t want to cum. He wanted to be good for them. But Emily fucking him, Morgan trying to choke him with the collar, the cock rings squeezing his penis and swollen balls, and my torture that he was witnessing was all too stimulating to every single one of his senses. He had to cum the same way I had to cum earlier when they denied my orgasm.

Emily stopped fucking him to make sure that the orgasm was shorter and to ensure that he didn’t go any further into me than necessary. They wanted his cum to be inside of me, but that was it. They didn’t want either of us to enjoy it.

Without warning, Hotch grabbed my hips away from Elle, putting me back where I was so that I was facing him, and he thrust into me suddenly, cumming within an instant, too. “Fuck…”

He came much harder than Spencer had because he wanted to give me everything, to fulfill the breeding kink we had. All I felt was the stretch and the warmth of his semen, though, because he refused to thrust to help ride out his high since it would have inevitably pleased me, too, and that wasn’t the point. He wanted me to be full and to get nothing out of it.

When he caught his breath, he pulled out of me slowly. I whined at the loss. “Did you learn a valuable lesson?” he questioned.

I nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

“Which was?”

“No cumming without permission. Ever. Under any circumstances. My orgasms don’t belong to me.”

“Good girl. Go clean yourself up in the bathroom then come back for water, a snack, and play with Spencer’s hair.” He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “I’m proud of you, baby.”

I melted at the praise. “Really, Sir? Even though I broke a thousand rules?”

“Even then. You did good.”

Emily got the cuffs off Spencer, and he immediately went to pry off the cock rings, but Morgan slapped his hands away. Spencer stared at me as Morgan started gently pulling off the metal one around his shaft. “Daddy,” he hissed, his eyes clenching shut. Emily and Elle were running their fingers through Spencer’s hair already to help him calm down. “Fuck,” he gasped when it was off. “Thank you.” He then prepared himself as Morgan went to release the tie that was around Spencer’s balls. When the pressure was gone, Spencer slumped, falling somewhat, and we all reached forward to catch him. “Thank you.” Hotch kissed Spencer’s temple and pulled him onto his lap on the couch. “I’m sorry for cumming without permission.”

“We’ll call it even, bunny,” Morgan said, referencing how I had done the same thing. “You and baby did so well.”

Elle grabbed the lotion from Spencer’s bag that he used for aftercare, and she started massaging it between his cheeks as Hotch continued to hold him. “You, too,” she told me while still tending to Spence. I went to sit down, but Emily beat me to it, taking the only spot left beside Hotch, and she patted her hands on her lap. I laid over her the same way Spencer was on Hotch. Our faces were close again.

“May we?” Spencer begged.

“Yes,” Morgan answered.

Just as Elle started using her other hand to massage some lotion onto my ass, Spencer and I started kissing. He tasted so good. It was comforting rather than erotic, and I felt myself slowly easing out of sub space in a way that didn’t let me drop. I hoped that he was okay, too.

I ran my fingers through his curls. “I love you, Spence.”

He kissed me harder before mumbling, “I love you, too.”

----

criminal minds family: @peggy1999 @gorgeousdarkangel @alex--awesome--22 @oceaneblu @brithedemonspawn @absolutemarveltrash @bshelley322 @rousethemouse @sunshinepower17 @weexinling @pettttyyyc​ @Braty-angel

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Quick question sorry if this has been asked before: do you know any Johnlock fanfic where they’re extremely sensual? Like not just making love but just super methodically drawn out and slow and sweet?

Hi Nonny!!

Ahh, because of this ask, I went through my bookmarks to see if I have any listed with “sensuality” so that’s what this list is!! It definitely doesn’t have all of my fics because I have to go back through them and tag them, but in the meantime, enjoy what I started tagging a few months ago when you sent me this ask, LOL <3

As always, add your own fics here, Lovelies!!

SENSUALITY

See also:

Emotional Love Making || [MOBILE POST]

Emotional Love Making Pt. 2

Loved. by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 1,231 w., 1 Ch. || First Sherlock POV, Slice of Life, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nose Kisses, Morning After, Love Confessions, Morning Cuddles, Emotional Sherlock, Sentiment, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock reflects on his relationship with John. Part 5 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Morning Sunlight by slashscribe (E, 3,565 w., 1 Ch. || PWP, Morning Sex, Fluff, PWP, Established Rel., Soft Idiots) – A thin band of soft morning light peeks between the curtains and stretches across John’s torso, laying dormant across his forearm, dipping into the space between his arm and his chest, illuminating his right nipple but just brushing the edge of his left, disappearing into his armpit, and reappearing again right over Sherlock’s eyes where his head rests, nestled against John’s shoulder. Sherlock is not annoyed by the light’s intrusion on his sleep, not when it rests so soft and tantalizing on John’s skin, a work of unintentionally erotic art. A PWP with so much emotion.

Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me', specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical'. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

The Invocation of Saint Margaret by Ewebie (E, 15,831 w., 1 Ch. || POV John,  Crossing Timelines, Light Angst, Fluff, Series 3 John / Series 1 Sherlock, The Matchbox, Mushy Romance, First Time, Bisexual John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Sensuality, Emotional Love Making, Snippets of Time) – When Sherlock Holmes opens the matchbox from The Sign of Three and John finds himself years in the past, back to that first dinner at Angelo's with a much younger Sherlock Holmes. Is he dreaming?

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b (E, 20,004 w., 6 Ch. || Retirement, Sussex, Bees, Home Improvement, First Time, Romance) – Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing. They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you're living to find the life you want. Part 1 of Through The Clouds

How To Unfold a Heart by elwinglyre (E, 25,477 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It, BAMF John, Mentioned Eurus, POV First Person Sherlock, Case Fic, Fluff, Slow Burn, Topping from the Bottom, 3 Yr Old Rosie, Introspection, Sexual Fantasies, John Worship, Ogling, Hand Holding, Kidnapping, Domesticity, Sherlock Whump, First Kiss/Time, Doctor John, Caring John, Soft Sherlock, Sensuality, Touching, Crying, Love Confessions, Anxious Sherlock, Rimming, Toplock, Fingering, Bossy Bottom John) – To Sherlock’s dismay, John’s return to Baker Street with Rosie is only temporary. Sherlock’s daily visits to Regent Park with John and Rosie illuminate his lost childhood memories and missed opportunities. But with each trip to the park, Sherlock also feels a growing sense of hope. That is until the past horrors return unexpectedly in a cryptic note folded in the shape of a heart. To decipher the message, Sherlock must uncover the nature of the hearts around him, including his own.

Lucifer's Gardens by ampersand_ch (E, 32,679 w., 12 Ch. || GERMAN VERSION || Romance, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Murder, Poison / Drugging, Mystery, John Undercover, Academic Club, Therapy, Rituals, Jungian Archetypes, Doctors & Physicians, Grief/Mourning, Esotericism, Hospitals, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, John Falls In Love With Another Man, Jealous Sherlock, Crying, Doctor John, Hand Holding, First Kiss/Time, Mysticism, Hugging, Touching) – John goes undercover for an investigation as a favour to Lestrade in a village in Suffolk. The events surrounding the case awaken deep-seated fears in Sherlock. While John begins to come to a realisation of what he needs in Lucifer's Gardens, Sherlock tries to find a way to reach John – in more ways than one.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

[blackenedwhite97]

Coming Out [Poly! Erasermic x {Fem}Reader]

Hello! this was a requested fic from like before Christmas. I'M A MESS I KNOW I'M SORRY! I’ll be catching up at some point, I'm in my final sem at uni and have MAJOR senioritis. Me no do unless me have to. Instead, now I just spend my time staring at the existential abyss the threatens to swallow my ceiling and think about everything I'm procrastinating. But I digress...

Content Warning: This story is of a negative experience coming out as poly to your family, this deals with rejection from the reader's mother, father, and a grandparent. This story demonstrates Homophobia, xenophobia, traditionalist and conservative values and attitudes and may be triggering to some folks.

This story includes a Polyamorous relationship

Polyamory: the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.

Word Count: 3.7 K (A baby story)

Y/N --- 4:06pm

Hey can my roomates come to dinner?

DAD --- 4:06

You mean the gays?

Y/M --- 4:08

Please don’t call them that. Neither of them are gay anyways, there’s more than just gay or straight.

DAD --- 4:10

Yeah whatever. Let your mom decide.

MOM --- 5:12

Sure, they can come.

Mom --- 5:23

Gma might be coming dinner tho. Maybe talk to them?

That conversation should have been enough of a warning for how the evening was going to transpire. At news of your grandmother attending dinner, you panicked and tried to back out of your plans. You had been growing steadily farther apart from your parents anyways, barely seeing them more that once a year if that. It’s not like they didn’t have their suspicions anyways, to them you were a single woman living in the big city sharing an apartment with two gay men. Not that they’d ever been to the apartment. If they had they might have notice that one of the two “bedrooms” was being used as an office. Earlier on in the relationship you were so deeply uncomfortable being around your parents alone, that you had Shouta come with you every visit because you were so paranoid you were just going to come out on the spot.

At first your parents were sure that you and Shouta were together. He had subconsciously cleaned up quite nice the first few times he met your parents anyways, wanting to make a good impression on them if you finally did tell them about your polyamorous relationship. Then as time went on you got busier and started to see them less. Shouta’s parents lived in the suburbs and you saw them on holidays, plus Shouta had come out to them as being bisexual a long time ago and hadn’t felt much pressure to hide the polyamorous nature of your relationship to begin with. Hizashi’s mom was still a city dweller in her 60’s and on top of doing the cute mom things like baking fantastic cookies and handing down family jewelry to the daughter in law, she’d also taken Hizashi and Shouta to their first pride in Tokyo and had an in-home recording studio where she recorded for local punk bands. She was, quite literally, a cool mom.

You gnawed vigorously at your thumbnail, not quiet biting the whole way through, instead riddling it with dents and cracks. Chewing your nails wasn’t a habit you’d always had, it became a sort of silent worry thing you started to do when you got to your agency and had to remain still and quiet during briefings, no matter how terrible the news was. Your ruined nail beds were an atrocity to Hizashi, who had paid several times for you to get a manicure to get your nails short and evenly trimmed so you could manage them on your own. You still somehow found a way to gnaw on the short squared off nubs of your nails though, and it drove him nuts. Shouta cared less, his hands were in ridiculous shape, he was callused and bruised, cracked and flaking all over the place and Hizashi would regularly force moisturizer on them. Shouta cared more about figure out the root stress, it’s not that Hizashi didn’t, he just didn’t know how to, so he settled for pampering you.

“It’s dead.” Hizashi huffed from the bedroom door. “Obliterated, actually.”

“Hmm?” You looked up from your phone, you hadn’t been reading any of the messages in the chat for a good few minutes and just let your eyes unfocus instead. You yanked your thumb from your mouth and hid it below the table like a child caught with a sweet they’d snuck from the kitchen before dinner, you knew he saw.

“Your nail.” Hizashi gently patted the end of his hair with his special fluffy towel that he’d convinced you and Shouta he needed to control his frizz (which he didn’t have) and padded towards the kitchen table where you sat. He placed a kiss on the top of your head as he strode around you.

“What’s up, love?” he murmured softly, leaning against the table next you. One of his legs propped up on the chair to your right and leaned down to look at your phone screen.

“This is going to go horribly.” You breathed, panicked as you set your phone down on the table.

“You don’t know that.” Hizashi looked back up at you and smiled sweetly.

“Not everyone’s mom is a cool rocker lady in her 60’s who lives in the heart of downtown still and is fully supportive of her child’s bisexual polyamorous relationship with their childhood best friend and an ex-small-town girl with an ultra-conservative family.” You huffed out in one long breath.

“That was oddly specific.” He chuckled softly. “What about Sho’s parents, they’re conservative?”

“Yeah, but his parents are at least polite and send us both Christmas gifts every year and keep any and all of their shittier opinions to themselves because they want their son to be happy.” You groaned dramatically, dropping your head onto his thigh, using the extra meat to muffle the noise.

“Y-your-” Hizashi’s leg twitched from the vibrations of your groan. “Your parents want you to be happy too, Y/n.”

You groaned into his thigh, trying to explain the difference between your parent’s and Shouta’s. Hizashi laughed and gently grabbed the side of your face, lifting it so you were no longer muffled by his leg.

“Try again.” He instructed.

“They only want me to be happy if it fits into their rigid frame of what acceptable happiness looks like.” You explained again.

“Hey,” Hizashi ran his thumb back and forth across your cheek, “have faith, baby. They’re your family, they love you.”

If only he’d been right.

Shouta was the know it all, the one that way always right. Hizashi on the other hand was quiet used to being the one that was not always right, he had no hubris about his intelligence what-so-ever. So much so that sometimes you and Shouta had to remind him that he was intelligent and offered a lot of knowledge and wisdom in many many ways: public speaking, social relationships, radio scripting, he spoke two languages fluently as well. However, this one-time Hizashi wished dearly that he had been right, that he was an insufferable know it all who never got it wrong. It was a different twisted feeling in his gut, sitting the back seat watching you try to keep it together in the front seat, than the usual mild embarrassment that faded after a couple of minutes when he was wrong about something. That was damn near luxurious compared to the painful knot tearing into his stomach.

The silence in the car was so dense and absolute that it almost physically gagged Hizashi and Shouta, the two of them were too afraid to say anything and break it. It felt as though the heavy silence was keeping you from breaking, as if it were applying enough pressure at all sides to keep the thin veneer of composure you were managing together. You felt it too, along with the heavy weight that was nearly crushing your chest, the thick doughy lump clogging your throat and the tremble in your lips. You took a deep breath, it getting caught halfway and freezing in to an unrealized sob that you pushed down.

Shouta huffed and pulled off to the side of the dark country road, slowing into the gravelly shoulder. He turned in his seat to face you, undoing his seat belt so he could fully turn his body. You kept your eyes out the window, trying with all your might not to let the tears that clouded your eyes to fall. You knew you’d need to cry about this, about your parents and their conditional love. You knew that this was something you would need to deal with, but you didn’t want to at this moment. You wanted to go home, take some sleeping medication and go to sleep, you wanted to wait until the open wound in your chest had stopped bleeding to begin treating it.

Your father was being facetious about your living arrangement as usual, whenever he was faced with Shouta and Hizashi his first reaction was to constantly point out that fact that you were a woman living with two men and that if they weren’t gay that one of them should have married you by now. Shouta and Hizashi had taken these comments like water rolling off of a duck’s back, Hizashi even grinned and mumbled something about your father tempting him. You could have kept your mouth shut, you could have kept your cool but Shouta’s hand was brushing against your thigh and you felt it tense into an annoyed fist. Something about Shouta’s minimal reaction lit a fire in you, more like an explosion. It was a surge of very sudden and very ferocious courage that lasted a split second and no longer. You’d practically shouted it, the ringing in your ears drowning whatever words you’d used out.

You were met with complete and utter silence, shock and fear thick in the air. You’d almost believed for a moment that you hadn’t done it, that you’d just shouted randomly and just scared everyone. But then your dad stood up, his shocked open mouth flattening out into a hard straight line, this jaw swelling as he clenched it.

“W-what?” he growled, stepping back from the table as if you were a threat.

You were ready to backtrack, you were so ready to just laugh and pretend you were fucking with him. But you spared a glance to Shouta and Hizashi, their faces pale and guilty. They, regardless of what you could say in an attempt to cover up what you’d just said, were basically admitting to it already. You instinctively shrunk back into your chair like you’d do when you were younger at the dinner table whenever something uncomfortable would come up. You could tell everyone was at a loss for words, the difference was that you were scared and at a loss for words, Shouta and Hizashi were shocked and at a loss for words and your father was steaming angry and at a loss for words.

Your mother, who had always been the least confrontational of the two turned away from you and almost in a show of disgust immediately went to comfort your grandmother. It was as if you were an afront to goodness, an act of moral atrocity being committed in front of them. Your father began to barrage you with passive aggressive questions and accusations towards Shouta and Hizashi. He was trying to understand while at the same time refusing to give you a chance to explain. You stopped listening after the first few sentences that came out of his mouth, falling back into an internal monologue filled with regret. He must have said something exceptionally terrible because in an instant Shouta was standing, his arm reaching out to separate you from him and he was shouting. Shouta never shouted, he barely voiced any form of annoyance or frustration in general when it wasn’t a learning moment for his students, but here he was on his feet volleying harsh word with your father.

Hizashi, you realized was attempting damage control, his hands raised and his voice lower than either of the other two men’s. You blinked back into the present, as noise filled your ears, you mother was crying, your father and Shouta were shouting and Hizashi was rambling panicked. You took a couple of deep breaths and stood up on shaky legs, gripping Shouta’s protective arm for support, and looked your father in the eyes. He faltered at the direct eye contact and you saw an opening where there was less shouting to contend with.

“Stop,” you hissed through gritted teeth. “this is why I never wanted to tell you! Why I was perfectly okay with living away from you guys for the rest- This is why I haven’t been home.”

Your mother gasped a ragged, tear-filled breath. She’d expressed before that she’d wished she could see you more often, that she’s noticed you’d been coming home less and less. You’d been good at covering it up, saying you were busy with work and simply couldn’t get the time off. You knew that what you’d just said hurt her, not in the way it should have. It hurt her because you’d just told them it was their fault that you felt unwelcomed here and not because you were afraid of your own parents.

“How long?” she breathed.

“Three years.” You sniffed, hand tightening around Shouta’s wrist.

“THREE?! THR-” your father bellowed in disbelief. “For three years they’ve been brainwashing and forcing themselves on you?!”

Suddenly you understood why Shouta had leapt up, you had just now caught up with the conversation. Red hot anger flared up in your chest, the mere insinuation that you were being forced in anyway to be with your partners filled you with utter rage.

“No!” You growled, for the first time in your life matching your father’s volume. “For three years they’ve been by my side, showing up at the hospital when I got hurt at work, celebrating my promotions at the agency, helping me make a home that I feel safe in and actually fucking caring about me!”

There was silence again, this one was thin but not light in anyway, like it was a delicate thread barely holding a great weight from falling and crushing you.

“We care for you.” You mother said darkly.

“No,” you swallowed hard, “you haven’t for a long time.”

“Get out.” You father growled.

Hizashi was already moving, grabbing your coats from the back of the chairs and pulling Shouta by the arm away from the table. It took you a good long second to move, even then it was because Shouta latched onto your shoulders and Hizashi tugged him along.

“I’m sorry.” Shouta whispered, his hand finding yours in your lap. You kept your eyes focused out the window at the pitch-black fields with barely visible for off golden dots of light. You couldn’t talk.

You heard Hizashi shuffling around in the back seat, scooting closer to you and his hand joined Shouta’s, pulling up onto the storage compartment between the seats. It was cracking, that veneer.

“It’s not your fault.” Hizashi murmured.

You sniffed hard, biting int you bottom lip. Of course, it wasn’t your fault that your parents didn’t accept you, that you weren’t good enough or right for them, that you weren’t on par with the apparent morality of the rest of the family. It wasn’t your fault that they were backwards people with terrible ideas of how a person should be. It still didn’t hurt any less that you couldn’t meet those backwards ideals, that you couldn’t be the right kind of person for them.

“Y/n,” Shouta whispered, gently grabbing your chin and turning your face towards them.

They were looking at you the way a mother looks at her crying baby in the first few months, the desperate need to connect and nurture glowing in their eyes. They were filled with worry, with pity, with understanding but also, with fear. No doubt, what had just happened had been traumatic for them too. Looking into their emotion filled eyes you felt that veneer shatter, falling away and unleashing that mournful sobbing that had been trapped inside.

Shouta pulled you towards him, holding you firmly to his chest placing his head atop yours. You vaguely felt Hizashi disappear from you for a moment, but you were too preoccupied with the trembling muscles seizing violently in your chest. Then you felt him sliding in behind you, only now realizing he’d stepped out of the car and slide in through your door as he shut it behind him. He draped himself over you rubbing circles into your back.

“It’s not your fault.” He murmured into your hair over and over again.

At first you didn’t really focus on it, thinking it idle words of comfort but the more he said the more it sunk in. The more your realized that you were holding onto the hope that there was something about this, about you, that you could fix. With every repetition of those four words that false hope chipped away and that heavy weight in your chest began to fall away. It was still painful, it still felt like you had a pen festering wound that you’d never fully heal from, but it also felt lighter. It felt as though a burden you’d believed was yours to bear was suddenly the responsibility of the many.

“You don’t have to change,” Shouta whispered softly as your sobs ebbed into weak beaths, “they do.”

That reignited some tears, to hear what you needed to said so plainly. Shouta was good at that, putting those intangible thoughts and feelings into plain words. You cried until the tears and the worry and the late hour caught up with you, until your head felt heavy and waterlogged and you slumped backwards into Hizashi sniffing. You cried until your wavering breaths evened out and your tired mind fell to silence. Hizashi pulled you into his lap and cradled you against him like a parent holding and oversized child, running his hand slowly through your hair.

When you awoke you were swaddled thoroughly with the fuzzy blanket from the couch Shouta hated because it shed and sandwiched between the two men who snored away. As you blinked in the early morning light that just barely peaked through the blinds you noticed the red rims around Hizashi’s eyes and deep-set circles under Shouta’s as if they both been awake all night. Shouta was still in his dress shirt and Hizashi had stripped down to his boxers and pulled his hair back into a sloppy bun. Neither were properly snoring which told they hadn’t been asleep for very long.

You tried to ignore what had happened last night, what had led to the heavy feeling in your head and crusty dry eyes and tight cheeks. You tried to pretend that they had stayed up for work, that they you had swaddled yourself up in the blanket nor because you were sad but because you just wanted to be cozy. Then you heard a phone vibrate on the nightstand and any and all work towards denial washed away as you dreaded checking it. It could just be a work thing, it could be Hizashi’s phone even though he’d never had it on silent even once since you’ve known him. It could have been Shouta’s vibrating against the wooden table even though you could see his slightly peeking out of his back pocket.

You sighed and sat up, daring the smallest of glances at the nightstand. It was your phone screen that was lit up, several notifications on the screen. You groaned and laid back down, scrunching your eyes shut begging for sleep to suddenly and miraculously take you. It buzzed again and you huffed. Fine. You’ll check it. I guess someone could be dying. I do stop that from happening for a living.

You very cautiously crawled over Hizashi and reached to get your phone, electing not to look at it until you settled back between your boys. You scrolled though your notifications, weather, news, a work email, a second email from a contact that made your blood run cold and three missed calls and two answering machine messages from the same contact. Grandma. Your hands trembled at you unlocked your phone and typed int your voicemail password. You held the phone up to you ear and listen to the first message which was more or less just some frustrated grandma noises and mumbles about the inconvenience of technology, followed briefly by a set of hellos. If you hadn’t been ready to shit yourself, you’d have laughed. Then the second played and you had to take a deep breath to hold yourself together enough to keep listening.

“Hello? Hello? Y/n? Oh shi- well this is just ridiculous. Y/n, I don’t know if you can hear me, or maybe this is your answering machine, I don’t know I can’t hear too well but-” her soft worn voice said into the phone, “I want you to know that I love you. Your parents love you too, even if they did not act like it tonight.”

She paused and your eyes welled up with tears, a lump forming in your throat. It was this strange feeling of pure sadness but also happiness and relief.

“Those boys,” she continued, “probably would have killed your father last night if they had the chance. I’m not saying I get it, but they sure do love you, sweetheart. I quite like the blond one he is very-”

The message cut off and the automated voice asked you what you wanted to do with the message. All you could do was laugh, laugh and cry. You were still sad, still in pain, but it was already starting to feel less life-ending.

“Hey,” Shouta mumbled blearily, “S’okay. I’m here.”

He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close, trying to pull himself from sleep. You hugged him back and massaged the back of his scalp gently.

“Listen to this.” You sniffed.

He nodded and you pressed repeat, listening to the whole second message through again. You watched as a smile spread across his sleepy lips and he laughed softly. He pouted suddenly when it ended, his eyebrows pulling together as much as his drowsy state would let them.

“What?” you asked, worried he’d heard something you‘d missed.

“Why does she like Zash more?” he grumbled, barely awake now.

You smiled and curled into him, electing not to answer knowing that he wouldn’t like being told that Hizashi is more sociable than him. Besides, you smiled to yourself, he’d be asleep in a matter of seconds.

You were still hurt; you still had that big open wound in your chest. But with Shouta and Hizashi at your side you knew you’d heal; you knew they’d give you anything you needed. You knew that your grandmother was right, that these two boys loved you very much.

[cafedanslanuit]

chapter guide | prev. chapter | next chapter

✖   —   chapter summary: Now that Zeke has explained what truly happened with Yelena, all your troubles have finally ended. Except that now you need to start avoiding Porco. However, things change once you overhear a conversation in the woman's bathroom.

✖   —   pairing: porco/reader & zeke/reader

✖   —   chapter tags/warnings: college au, descriptions of panic attacks, lots of self-doubt, gaslighting, hurt/comfort, fluff, referenced cheating. 

✖   —   a/n: i have posted the playlist that goes with this series! click here to check this post <3

chapter three: me and my husband

Porco looked at his cellphone, an ill sensation filling up his stomach as he read over and over your last messages. For the past few days, he had been trying to reach out to you but he had been rejected every time.

He knew something wrong was going on the moment you said you couldn’t make it to his lacrosse game. Ever since you became friends, you hadn’t missed a single game. He had once seen you finishing an essay on your phone and sending it while you were sitting on the bleachers, excited for the game to begin. He had seen you falling asleep on his shoulder during a party after a game, too tired from studying for a test that you took earlier.

Porco sighed. He wished he could find any other reason to explain your behaviour but the only one that came to his mind was his late night confession to you. He shouldn’t have told you he loved you. Now you were avoiding him and his feelings and he was scared he had lost your friendship completely.

He put the phone on his back pocket and grabbed his keys, heading to the parking lot. After getting into his car, he turned on the radio and drove out of the campus, entering the main highway of the city. He wasn’t sure where he was heading to, but all he knew is that he wanted to stop thinking about you, the moment he thought you had shared and the dry messages that followed.

He had really fucked it up.

…

 Sitting on your faculty’s corridor floor, you looked over at the texts Porco had been sending you the past week. It physically pained you to be so curt with someone that meant so much to you. Porco had always been there for you, even in the times you had told him you really didn’t need him. He cared when you got sick, when you were sad and also when you wanted company to crash a party on campus. You two had been inseparable since the day you met and he was already acquaintances with Annie and Armin due to all the time he had spent at your place.

This was the right thing to do, you told yourself one more time, closing your Instagram. You were taking the right decision. Porco had fallen in love with you and then had tried to make you think your boyfriend had cheated on you. If Zeke hadn’t pointed that out for you, you probably wouldn’t have noticed until it was too late. Truly, you were lucky Zeke had been understanding about the whole situation and had forgiven you for not trusting in him.

Porco wasn’t a bad person. You knew in your heart he wasn’t. But you had been wrong to trust he had your best interest in his mind.

That’s what didn’t make sense. Why had Porco, sweet and caring Porco had suddenly decided to put you against Zeke only just because he had caught feelings for you? The Porco you knew wouldn’t have done that. If he truly only wanted to drive you away from Zeke, he would have let you kiss him the night he spent with you. He would have taken the opportunity, right? So, why didn’t he?

Your head started hurting.

Your thumb ghosted over Porco’s contact on your phone, wondering whether to call him or not. You missed him dearly and knew that if you asked him to be honest, he would. There were countless moments in the past where he had been honest with you, from the time he confessed to accidentally stepping on your foundation powder and the time he opened up about his father’s death.

He’ll say anything to make you doubt your relationship with me.

Zeke’s voice resonated in your ears and you bit your tongue. He was right. You needed to remember Porco was trying to put you against your boyfriend.

Before you could think of a counterargument, you shot a quick text to Zeke. Yes. A day with your boyfriend would help you keep your mind busy.

“wanna hang out later? <3”

You watched intently, a small smile on your face as the three dots twinkled on your screen. Zeke’s answer came a few seconds later.

“Can’t. Exam tomorrow :(“

He then sent you a picture of a couple of books over a table that you recognized as the university’s library. He also had the tumbler you had given him a couple of months ago, filled with straight black coffee if you had to take a guess.

“:(( okaaaay, good luck on your exam, love u!”

“<3”

You put your phone away and sighed. You missed Zeke too. The few days after you had confronted him about the time you thought you saw Yelena and him kissing, he had showered you with love. You had spent the weekend at his place wearing nothing but an old t-shirt of his and making love several times a day. You snuggled to him on the couch as he watched an old documentary and playfully took the cigar from his lips and took a puff yourself. ‘Ladies like you shouldn’t smoke,’ he had said playfully as he took it back from your lips and then pressed a kiss on your temple.

Nevertheless, the short honeymoon phase after you made up had come to an end. You knew it was going to happen, but now your body and heart were craving more of him and his classes were taking all his time. If it wasn’t an exam it was a group project or a study session and even if you knew seniors had it way harder than you, you missed him. Missed his beard scratching your neck, his strong cologne and his deep chuckle whenever you managed to make him smile.

Maybe you could walk around the mall. You still had some birthday money and you could treat yourself a little. Maybe a new body cream or a pair of cute underwear from Victoria Secret to surprise your boyfriend after he was done with his classes. Yes, a shopping trip was exactly what you needed to stop thinking so much. Smiling, you walked to the bathroom of your faculty, just a quick detour to freshen up before you got into your car. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror and took out your lipstick, fixing it carefully.

“I fucking hate her.”

You turned around as you saw three girls entering the bathroom. They stood by your side, none of them seeming to notice your presence. One of them fixing her hair, another was looking down at her phone, eyebrows knitted together and mumbling more and more curses and the last one just leaned against the bathroom stalls, arms crossed against her chest as she watched the other two.

“We did tell you she wasn’t meant to be trusted,” she reminded the girl with the phone. When she raised her head, you recognized her as Pieck, one of Porco’s close friends, who you had seen around at a lot of parties and on many of his Instagram photos.

“How is that helping me?” Pieck asked icily.

“I’m just saying, Yelena is shady. Telling you all that crap about only being able to open up with you— and for what? For her to post photo after photo of her fuckboy?” the girl in front of the mirror said. “Like, nobody needs to know you’re getting it at the library, why post about it? Literally, nobody cares.”

“She’s not worth it,” the other girl interjected. 

“She really isn’t, babe. And Zeke isn’t even that hot,” her friend continued with a mocking laugh. “The one that looks like a clown is her, not you. Just let it go.”

“He truly is a bad case of the monkey face,” Pieck agreed with a snort. “Men like that are what keep me a lesbian.”

“Hi Pieck,” you greeted her. For the first time, Pieck looked your way and widened her eyes, recognizing you in an instant.

“Hey,” she said in an apologetic voice. “I— I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have said that.”

You faked a chuckle. “It’s okay. I just wanted to say you shouldn’t worry about them, Yelena is—”

“Yeah, yeah, we both shouldn’t worry. You’re probably trying to move on and ignore them too,” Pieck sighed and then pursed her lips in discomfort. “But I know you were Zeke’s girlfriend for a while, it’s normal you don’t want to hear about who he’s fucking now—”

“Zeke and I are still together,” you interrupted her.

Pieck’s face fell at your words. She looked at her friends, who were also looking at each other with an indecipherable expression. Your furrowed your eyebrows, confused as to why they were sharing those glances. Why would they think you weren’t with Zeke? Sure, you hadn’t posted photos with him lately but that didn’t mean you weren’t together anymore.

“I’ll catch up with you in a bit,” Pieck said softly to her friends. They nodded and said they would be by the cafeteria before leaving. Once they went away, Pieck closed the bathroom door and walked to you again.

“Why— why would you think we’re not together?” you insisted, your voice trembling more than you would have wanted.

“Yelena and Zeke are fucking,” she sentenced in a soft voice. You shook your head.

“I know that’s what it looks like but Yelena likes women,” you said. “You— I mean you guys were dating or something, right? You know she’s a lesbian, she’s just pretending to have something with Zeke so her parents back off for a while.”

Pieck’s silence was deafening.

“Right?” you pushed. “It’s cool because she’s a lesbian and—”

“Yelena is bisexual.”

You paused, blinking as you tried to understand. After a few seconds, you shook your head.

“She’s not.”

“The reason we’re not dating anymore is because I saw her fucking Zeke at a party,” she explained.

“No,” you said, and shook your head once more. “No, because if it happened at a party then someone would have seen them. Someone would have noticed, there would have been rumours, I would have  known . Pieck, someone would have told me, Reiner, Marcel, Porco—”

“They weren’t there. Almost everyone was a senior.”

“Then you! You would have told me,” you cried. “You’re telling me you saw my boyfriend fucking someone else and didn’t tell me!? Pieck—!”

“I thought you weren’t together anymore!” she defended herself. “What was I supposed to think when every single one of his friends at that shitty apartment knew he was fucking her in the bedroom and they all acted like it was a normal thing to do? I see all these photos of both of them and…” she continued, shaking her phone. “Of course I think he’s not with you anymore! Yelena is uploading pictures as she rests her legs on his lap, about their movie dates at his place and you want me to think she has a girlfriend!?”

Tears started falling from your eyes as she spoke. You sniffled, trying to compose yourself but you could feel every muscle of your body shaking.

“Does Porco know?” you asked in a whisper.

“Porco?”

“I know you two are best friends since high school. You— you had to tell him. If this was real, if this happened, you had to tell Porco,” you reasoned. “So tell me, Pieck, does Porco know?” you insisted, raising your voice, hating the way it cracked at the end.

Pieck shook her head. “I told him Yelena cheated on me, didn’t tell him with who.”

“Why?”

“Because he told me not to date Yelena, said she wasn’t a good person. I didn’t want to prove Porco right, you know him,” Pieck said with a small shrug.

You nodded idly, your eyes lost. No. It didn’t make sense, it didn’t— even if it did. It did make sense but it ��couldn’t make sense. Because if Pieck was right, if Yelena and Zeke were—

No.

“Give me a date,” you whispered.

“What?”

“When was this?”

“I don’t— Two weeks ago?”

“I need to know the exact date, Pieck.”

“Girl, I don’t remember exactly, I—”

“Give me a date, Pieck!” you sobbed, raising your voice. She sighed and nodded, taking out her phone.

You watched as Pieck went through her messages with Yelena, scrolling up as she tried to remember the date. Your breath was hitching, inhaling more than you were exhaling but you didn’t care. You wanted to know when it was. Pieck was going to tell you it happened on a date where he was with you. She was going to say it happened one of the nights you and Zeke stayed the weekend at his place and then you would know she’s lying. Yes, that was going to happen. She would tumble over her own lie and this nightmare would be over.

“March 31st,” Pieck murmured. “I kept texting her, asking where she was before I went to look for her,” she reminisced, before showing you her phone.

.

.

                                                            00:36

. 

                                                                                           lena where are u

                                                                                                            ?????

                                          why are my friends saying you’re with zeke rn

                                                                                         yelena answer me

                                                                                    fuck u i’m going there

                                                            01:19

 .

                                                FUCK YOU YELENA YOURE THE WORST

                                                                  PIECE OF SHIT IVE EVER MET

                                                                            REALLY???? ZEKE?????

                                                                           HOPE YOU GET HERPES

                                                                                 I FUCKING HATE YOU

babe, i’m sorry

can we talk?

.

. 

A bitter taste crept inside your mouth as you took out your phone and went through yours and Zeke’s messages, looking desperately for the date. It was the weekend you spent together. It had to be. The memories of Zeke’s kitchen calendar that said April were lying to you. It had to be March. Or maybe he changed the calendar because he was with you on March 31st.

You scrolled up until March and went to read the messages exchanged on that day.

.

.

                                                            07:23

.

Good morning! I know it’s really early

But I want to see you today <3

Meet me at the tennis court?

                                                                                  sure, i’ll take an uber :)

.

.

Silent sobs escaped your mouth as your phone started shaking in your trembling hands. Pieck whispered apologies and you wanted nothing more than to tell her to shut up, that it wasn’t her fault, that she wasn’t the one that swore she wanted to marry you and then went to fuck someone else at a party, not caring if he was seen or not.

But it wasn’t true. Zeke said it was just a ruse, that Yelena just wanted to hide her queerness, that they were just good friends. He said so. Pieck had to be lying, she had to be. She was just messing with you, lying to see how much you could believe her. Because Zeke wouldn’t do that, you were the one he trusted, you were the one he was going to marry, you—

Pieck was still holding her phone in front of you.

With the very same date.

And Yelena admitting her crime.

But it couldn't be right. There had to be a mistake because Zeke loved you. He loved you and he had told you about his family, he had taken you to meet his grandparents, he promised he hadn’t kissed Yelena that night, he—

Had he not kissed her?

Was it only a movie night?

…

No, it hadn’t.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Pieck’s voice sounded far, your lips parted as you tried to gasp for air. You lifted your head and saw her lips moving but you couldn’t hear any sound but your heart beating out of your chest. Tingles started creeping on your fingers and without you being able to do anything to prevent it, you dropped your phone on the bathroom floor.

Why didn’t it make a sound?

Why were your fingers numb?

You lifted your head and Pieck was gone. Dismissing her sudden disappearance, you crouched down and picked your phone. You winced at the huge crack on your screen and slid your finger several times over it until you could press on Zeke’s contact and call him.

As his phone rang, you pressed your back on the wall, slowly sinking until you were sitting on the floor.

“Baby, I told you I was studying for this test, I can’t—”

“I know about you and Yelena,” you said in a broken voice. You heard him let out an annoyed sigh on the other line.

“Didn’t we talk about this already? I told you she’s not—”

“I know about the party. The day we played baseball and— that same night you went to a party and fucked her,” you sobbed. You wiped the tears on your face with the back of your hand. “Zeke, tell me it’s a lie, tell me you didn’t do this, please,  please  tell me you didn’t really fuck Yelena,” you begged. “Please.”

“You know what? Get some help. Like, psychological help. This isn’t normal.”

The silence after Zeke hung up choked you. Your chest rose up and down as you sobbed uncontrollably. Your brain was screaming. Loudly. ‘Make it stop,’ you told yourself. ‘Get it together. Make it stop.’

Make it stop.

                         Make it stop.

                                                 Make it stop.

                                                                         Make it stop.

                         ��                                                                       Make it stop.

 It’s a lie.

                                                                                                  Make it stop.

He lied to you.

                                                                                                              Stop.

He fucked her.

                                                                                                 Please, stop.

He lied.

                                                                                              I can’t breathe.

.

.

                                             Inhale.

                                                                            Exhale.

                                            Inhale.

                                                                            Exhale.

                                            Inhale.

                                                            Inhale. 

                                                            Inhale. 

                                                            Inhale.

.

.

…

When you woke up, Porco was there.

Your head felt heavy as you tried to sit up, rubbing your eyes. A quick look around let you know you were in your apartment but you weren’t sure as to  how , or why your friend was there, his phone on his lap and his eyes looking at you filled with worry.

He whispered your name as if his voice could hurt you. “How are you feeling?”

“What are you doing here?” you asked groggily. You noticed your throat was hurting as well. “What hour is it?” you mumbled as you palmed your jean pockets looking for your phone. You found it hidden between two pillows and pressed the power button, trying to see if you had any unread messages.

None.

“Pieck called me,” Porco explained. “And it’s eight and a half.”

Pieck. Pieck with her friends in the bathroom, Pieck with the text messages. Everything came back to you in a second and you couldn’t help but wince at the way your head hurt.

“How are you feeling?” he insisted. You took a deep breath. The small movement made you realize how much the muscles of your back were hurting along with your arms. You licked your lips, hating how dry they felt against your tongue.

“I broke my phone.”

Porco furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“I— I dropped it. There’s a crack on the screen.”

He nodded slowly and looked down at his shoes, his forearms resting on his knees. You could almost listen to his loud thoughts, one coming after another inside his head. Porco sighed and turned his head back to you.

“Want me to get it fixed? Marcel knows a guy, I’m sure he can get it done by tomorrow.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s working just fine,” you said, passing your thumb over the crack. “No need to change it.”

Porco watched your eyes get lost on the dark screen and tightened his lips. He had the urge to throw your phone out of your window, make you understand you had to leave it, that it wasn’t good for you, that you didn’t need it, that you didn’t need  him —

Instead, he nodded.

“What happened?” you asked.

Porco paused, deliberating his words before speaking. “Pieck called and told me what you guys talked about and that… you didn’t take it well. She said you were crying and— that you had a panic attack, so she left the bathroom to look for help. She found Armin and he was the one that helped you regain your breath. Once you settle down, he called Annie to tell her what happened and she picked you up. When I got here you were already asleep on the couch, Annie said it was okay if I waited here.”

“I… don’t remember much,” you confessed with a grimace. “I don’t remember Armin helping me out. I— I do remember what Pieck and I talked about, though. Wish I could forget it instead,” you snorted. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

You shook your head.  Ouch . Why did every muscle of your body hurt so much?

“Wanna watch some shitty reality TV?” he offered. He didn’t miss the way a small smile appeared on your face.

In a matter of minutes, Porco had gone into your room and brought your laptop, and started looking for the show on Netflix. He put your laptop on his thighs and let you crawl by his side, your head resting against his shoulder.

“Wish they had Ink Master,” you sighed, as the intro of Netflix’s newest reality show played on your screen.

“We both know Netflix doesn’t have good shows.”

You snorted. “Black Mirror is good.”

“And yet we’re watching The Circle,” Porco teased you.

“Weren’t you the one that binged Season 1 on one night and then asked me to do the same so you could rant?” you reminded him with a playful tone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied nonchalantly, making you chuckle.

What followed next was a comfortable silence. One episode went by and Porco made no attempts to stop it from automatically playing the second episode. You snuggled closer, the fabric of his green jacket feeling nice against your cheek. How long had it been since you felt so much peace with someone else by your side?

In any other situation, you would be commenting on it, pressing pause just to bitch and rant about the contestants or make quick runs to the kitchen. But Porco was sitting still, his eyes fixed on the screen and his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was trying to comfort you the best way he could, knowing any words would fail, he aimed to create a safe space for you and not force you to behave normally when you both knew better than to completely ignore what had happened earlier.

Right. Zeke.

You felt your eyes watering and bit the inside of your cheek to prevent them from falling down. Focusing on your breath, you inhaled and exhaled rhythmically until the knot in your throat seemed to loosen up. Your feelings towards Zeke were confusing, a part of you wanting to run, look for him and demand an explanation. Another part of you wanted to face with, punch his stupid little face until you got tired and leave him on the floor. And another, maybe a bigger part of you wanted him to cradle you in his strong arms, kiss your temple and scratch your skin with his beard as he whispered sweet nothings to you.

You swallowed. Maybe Zeke was right. Maybe you did need psychological help.

Could you trust his words if he were to provide another explanation? Could you ever trust in him again? Most of all, could you trust yourself? Many voices had different opinions inside your head, yet they all agreed on something.

You were miserable.

“Every time I’m not with him, I’m anxious,” you mumbled, the words leaving your mouth before you thought them over. Porco moved his hand to pause the show, but you gestured to him not to. “And when he’s with me…” you continued, “I feel like I’m drowning.”

Your voice cracked at the end. Porco’s hand twitched, not sure what to do next. Should he hold you, put an arm around your shoulder to comfort you? Should he not move a muscle until you were done? Should he offer a word of comfort? He turned his head to you and noticed tears were silently streaming down your face.

“If Zeke was in front of me right now and told me Pieck lied her ass off, even after all the proof she showed me today… I would believe him. I would,” you sobbed. “And I hate myself so much for it. I’m so tired of this, I’m so tired of loving him, Pock.”

Porco’s hand cupped your head, his fingers gently caressing your hair. You snuggled closer to him, his perfume soothing the pain inside your heart and his gentle gesture comforting you. That was the magic Porco had. You knew he wasn’t always good with his words and most of the time he preferred to show rather than tell and boy, did he do a spectacular good job at showing you how much he cared.

He was there. Even after you had been ignoring him for over two weeks, he was here with his green jacket and his earthy-scented perfume ready to hold you if you needed him. And you did. You could never think of a moment where you wouldn’t want him to be there with you. 

You wiped your face with the back of your hand and reluctantly pulled away from his touch, turning on your seat so you were facing him. You paused your show and put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Thank you,” you said, biting down your bottom lip. “For being here and waiting until I woke up. I— I’ve been such a bad friend to you,” you sighed. “I’m so sorry, I just—”

Porco shook his head. “No. I’m sorry for what I said the night I stayed here.”

“No, you don’t need to— I mean— I wasn’t mad about it,” you fumbled with your words, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“I don’t know,” Porco shrugged. “Felt like I made you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” you assured him. “Thank you for staying with me that night. I really didn’t want to be alone.”

“I just— Can I say something else? Promise this is the last time I talk about it.” You nodded. “I didn’t love you the first time I met you,” he blurted, shrugging. “I mean, it’s not like I saw you and caught feelings— first time I saw you you were drunk off your ass at Reiner’s party. I was your friend first. Still am, nothing will change that. And honestly? I wouldn’t be surprised if my feelings went away,” he chuckled. “Who knows. Might finally meet someone else and fall for them.”

“Yeah, maybe you’ll meet someone,” you agreed with a strained smile.

“Whatever happens, know that before anything else, I’m your friend,” Porco said, golden eyes setting on yours. “And that will never change. You’re stuck with me.”

“And you’re stuck with me.”

“See any other reason why I’m watching a shitty reality show on a Tuesday night?”

At this, you hit Porco with one of the pillows, square on his face. You couldn’t help but laugh at his stunned face.

“You’re  so  fucked,” he said, putting the laptop on the coffee table in front of him.

You took this as a sign to run, the ache in your muscles forgotten at the back of your head as you tried to dodge the pillows Porco was throwing at you. Your legs weren’t weak anymore, as you quickly jumped to avoid the furniture and picked up one of the pillows to throw it back at him. Your heart was no longer aching, but jumping as you cackled when Porco tripped and fell. Even if your eyes were watering again, this time was due to the excessive laughter. And yes, your breath was hitching but it was thanks to Porco chasing you around the living room.

You let yourself fall on the floor next to Porco, the coldness of the floor soothing your skin as he dramatically held his knee against his chest like an injured soccer player. You turned your head to him, smiling at his antics as he filled your heart with happiness once  more.

Maybe that had been his power all along.

[xconflictx]

{ cis-woman, she/her } ❝ but I've become what I can't be ❞ huh, who’s JERI RYAN? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually ANGELA BONES-AVERY. she is a 45 year old HALFBLOOD witch who is AUROR. she is a GRYFFINDOR alum and the child of AMELIA BONES + THOMAS AVERY. she is known for being SARCASTIC, MANIPULATIVE, UNPREDICTABLE, PERFECTIONIST, and OBSESSIVE but also CONFIDENT, PERSISTENT, COURAGEOUS, AMBITIOUS, and RESPECTFUL, so that must be why she always reminds me of the song STOP AND STARE BY ONEREPUBLIC and COMBAT BOOTS TRUDGING THOUGH THE MUD, THE SOUND OF A HEAVY DOWN POUR, COFFEE LEFT TO GO COLD, A CONFLICT RAGING WITHIN, BRUISED KNUCKLES. i hear she is aligned with the DEATH EATERS (SHE'S UNSURE OF HER TRUE ALLIANCE), so be sure to keep an eye on her. 

Basic Information

Full Name: Angela Lilith Bones-Avery

Nickname(s): Ang, Ange, Angel (husband only)

Age: 45

Date of Birth: September 20th 1984

Pronouns: She/her

Orientation: Biromantic and bisexual

Occupation: Auror

Marital Status: Married

Magical

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

Wand: Beech Wood, Dragon Heartstring. 12 and a half inches.

Favourite Subject: Charms

Least Favourite Subject: Transfigurations

Patronus: Orangutan

Boggart: Being alone. Not in the sense of left alone in a room but more in the sense of losing everything and everyone she holds dear.

Personality

Positive Traits: Confident, Persistent, Courageous, Ambitious, Respectful

Negative Traits: Sarcastic, Manipulative, Unpredictable, Perfectionist, Obsessive

Quick fire facts! 

Has mummy issuesTM

Joined the death eaters more or less to spite her mother and is lowkey regretting it

Her ideals don’t align with the death eaters but those who she clings to for comfort do (her father, grandmother, husband) so she has blindly followed them. Now the death eaters are becoming more active again she is hesitant to be involved.

Has mega abandonment issues to go with those mummy issuesTM

Chose her profession to be closer to her mother and was surprised she enjoys it as much as she does. Undercover work is her speciality.

Knows how to get what she wants

Half finished bio! (wasn’t planning on writing one right away but here we are XD)

Thomas Avery was a charming man who worked along side the minister and Amelia Bones had recently been promoted to head of the department of magical law enforcement. They hit it off and instantly became the subject of water cooler gossip. Their relationship proved to be nothing more than a whirlwind (and rumours flew left and right about if there was any feelings between the pair or it was simply an attempt to gain more influence from one of them or both. Although both Thomas and Amelia would deny to comment) however even whirlwinds can occasionally leave lasting effects. Angela Lilith Bones-Avery was born 6 months after their relationship ended.

A halfblood born out of wedlock would have been a point of shame on the Avery family if Thomas hadn’t been instantly smitten with his daughter the moment she was placed in his arms. Most pureblood families would have turned their nose up at Angela, Thomas managed to convince his that her birth wasn’t a shameful thing but an opportunity. The Bones’ were an influential family in the Ministry and now they had one of their own. 

Angela grew up in two homes with clashing beliefs. Her mother, the strong, wise and just Amelia Bones had a very different look on things than Thomas did. Amelia taught her that being just and fair was important while Thomas taught her she should take what she wanted and never apologize. This clash would often confuse her and left her desperate to find a middle ground between her parents. 

As she grew older she spent more time with her father than her mother growing up, Amelia worked long hours and was often called into the office when things were rough or a court hearing went too long or she needed to read up on a sensitive case she was presiding over. This left little time to be looking after a child. Angela was often angry when her stays with her mother were cancelled due to “something coming up” 

By age 10 Agatha Avery became a stable figure in Angela’s life. Her grandmother had warmed up to Angela as she grew older and began to see the opportunity that her son had. 

Angela attended Hogwarts age 11 and was sorted into Gryffindor house. Coming from a long line of Slytherins and Hufflepuffs, Angela felt like a disappointment. She received congratulations from both sides of her family but it wasn’t hard to tell that only her mother’s had been genuine. 

The older she got the more desperate she became for the praise of her family and the attention of her parents. It seemed to her that only her father had time for her, her mother, often caught at work and after the appointment of Kingsley Shacklebolt she only seemed to be their even more.

This fuelled a quiet hatred for the newly appointed Minister that her father and grandmother happily stoked into a flame until she could barely look at him without a look of disgust on her face.

Angela married her husband at 21. A man from a sacred 28 family, her mother despised him (which only added to her want to marry him to annoy her) but she loved him with all her heart. 

(more bio coming soon!)