#only thing I can find are model swaps and that is obviously not what I’m looking for

[fishysaltine]

Tapping my foot and waiting for a Davrin starting armor mesh swap on Nexus because why is nearly everyone else’s armor and clothes there except for his

[gremoria411]

And now we come to my feelings on Zeon’s mobile suit designs in Mobile suit Gundam Code:Fairy. After my feelings on the Federation’s MS were…… broadly positive, my opinions on Zeon are a tad more divisive.

First up, the Zaku II Sniper type. Honestly, I get it, you want a sniper unit, but you don’t want to deal with the Zaku I sniper type being unwieldy, so you make a new Zaku variant and give it a fancy rifle. Honestly, it’s just fine. No real strong feelings here.

The Zaku high mobility ground type Alma Stirner custom annoys me perhaps more than it should, because the more I look at it the more I think that a Gouf with a rifle would have been a better choice. My main quibble is that the standard version was one of the best mass-production ms of the entire war, being agile and exceptionally suited to combat on earth, in addition to retaining the regular Zaku’s wide range of armaments. So a fancy custom version of one of the best units available as the unit you start with….. it feels a little much. If you’d started with a regular Zaku then upgraded, then sure, that’d be fine. But knowing how good that suit likely is really makes it ring hollow when the plot tries to say that Alma’s outgrown it.

Right, right, enough complaining. What do I think of the design? I do like the basic High Mobility Ground Type, and Alma’s is essentially an up-armed version of it, being equipped with a heat sword, shotgun, missiles and Vulcans in addition to the normal armaments. I do very much like the Vulcan placement, and the missiles pleasingly evoke the Zaku Desert Type, but besides that it’s really just an ace custom unit with some different shoulders. It does do a good job in-game of being the close-combat specialist to the other two’s ranged firepower, but again, I think a Gouf with a rifle would have been similarly adequate.

I’ll probably cover the Zaku Half-Cannon if I ever do anything about the Zaku Cannon, but I honestly don’t have a whole lot of opinions on it, so I’m just gonna skip.

The Dom Gnomides. HATE. I usually find it difficult to express how much I dislike this design. The base unit being a Dom Tropical Test type? Fine, no problems there. But shackling a giant box to its back? The whole in-universe point of mobile suits is that they’re supposed to be agile units that fight at close range, where visual contact is key and the have to be able to dodge enemy fire. The Dom Gnomides can dodge fire about as well as a slug can dodge salt pellets. In-game, it’s difficult to identify incoming fire because the suits so massive it gets in the way. They took a Dom, a suit known for its high speed and mobility, and turned it into something that would struggle to outrun the Zock. But surely, that massive cannon must make up for it, right? Oh, you mean that massive cannon they obtained by

Grave Robbing?

The Dom Gnomides Pilot, Mira Brinkman, obtains the main cannon from the wreck of the Hidolfr, the mobile tank from Gundam Igloo.

In-game, they justify it with “well, at least we can give commander Sonnen (the pilot) a proper burial” but Mira’s primary concern is obviously the cannon. It’s just quite creepy, because at this point, they’re all sunshine and cheers about the whole thing “oh boy, let’s get a cannon for our suit and bury our fallen comrades along the way”, so knowing that in order to build this, they had to hose the remains of Commander Sonnen out of the Hidolfr just feels…… off? At odds with the tone? I know in war you should strive to recover equipment wherever you can, It’s just a massive tonal whiplash if you’ve actually watched igloo. The Dom Gnomides is armed with other weaponry, but honestly, they’re just fine.

The Efreet Jäger is the only one of the main three mobile suits to get a HG model, most likely because they’d already made a bunch of Efreet Variants. Honestly, it’s one of those rare models I would buy purposefully to mod. Paint some camouflage on there, maybe hook a ghille cloak or something over its shoulder, swap the odd weapon or two and I think it’d look really really good. The Efreet Line is another design series I’m very fond of, simply because the basic Efreet and Gouf are both designed to do the same thing, but approach it from different angles. Both are designed to be CQC suits par excellence, so are armed with heat swords, but whereas the Gouf fights more like a Gladiator, with its sword and shield it’s primary weapons, and then the Heat Rod and Vulcans to trip up the enemy; the Efreet fights more as a raider. Armed with two heat swords, trading defence for offence, and smoke discharges to temporarily blind the enemy to its movements- a fatal mistake in a sword fight. It’s typically also armed with a shotgun, for when something’s just out of range of the swords (though in GBO2, you can swap it out for a bazooka or Machine Gun). The Efreet Jäger is a sniper, unheard of in such a melee-focused line. This is essentially my only real criticism of it, another suit that is absolutely amazing at one thing being pigeonholed into yet another generalist. There are good sniping suits available, like the Zaku I Sniper, so an upgraded unit would fit very well. But instead they took a close-quarters unit and handed it a sniper rifle. I will fully admit that maybe something different for the line would be a good idea, but when it’s entire identity is built around one speciality, shifting to a different one just feels wrong.

The basic suit design is quite nice, the chests been modelled nicely and the asymmetry really plays up that this is a suit built for sniping and guerrilla tactics - asymmetrical warfare if you will. The rifle is gorgeous, and I like how it’s got grenades as part of it’s loadout. If I were to say the Efreet jäger is my least favourite Efreet, that’s more about the strength of the Efreet line as a whole than the weakness of the jäger on its own. I will say that, in game, the Efreet jäger is the best thing since sliced bread, purely on the strength of its sniper rifle having two settings. All my quibbles melt away after using it in-game, since you can just pop out of cover, nail an enemy with either single-shot, or explosive bust ammunition, then move on, with chaff and spotter abilities if you feel like playing support, and a heat kunai and shotgun if you need to fight up close.

Finally, we come to the Titania. It shares its name with the fairly obscure PMX-004 Titania designed by Paptimus Scirocco and is based on the absolutely fantastic Kämpfer (another of my all-time favourites). I do very much love the design, a little overarmed maybe (it’s got Vulcans, so I don’t really think it *needs* the arm gatling, and I consistently forget about the Beam Machinegun when using the Titania in game. GBO2’s decision to make it an optional weapon was, I think, a wise one), but the actual design of the mobile suit itself is wonderful. It’s slightly more heavily armoured than the original Kämpfer (so we’re told, anyway) and this is reflected in its remodelling, squaring off the Kämpfer’s smooth lines with blocky armour. The shoulders are just splendid, giving it a good silhouette along with the fuel tanks (which give the impression of wings). The choice to keep the original Kämpfer’s backpack was also a good one, since it effectively breaks up what could have been a rather boring back, and the extension of this design philosophy to the leg vents is also lovely to see. The legs appear to be slightly dainty, but none the less armoured for it, a design I appreciate. The head is gorgeous, it looks like it belongs one one of the Zabi’s royal Guard and evokes the design sensibilities of the Sleeves. Does it suit a Guerilla unit? No. Do I care particularly? Also no. All in all, it’s just a wonderful design variant on the Kämpfer.

However. The rationale behind its creation in-universe bothers me in the same manner that the Dom Gnomides does.

So, upon receiving the Kämpfer frame, unarmoured (and really missing a trick to tie it into the prototype Kämpfer, but whatever), the chief mechanic looked at it and decided “this design promotes recklessness, and is built for speed and power at the expense of armour”. Yes….? It’s an assault suit, designed to get in, cause as much damage as possible, then get out. Heck, the “E” in the Kämpfer’s model number is stated to stand for “Einhauen” - one strike in German. It’s not built for protracted combat, because it was never designed to be. So looking at the Kämpfer, a very specialised unit, and deciding that that specialisation is, itself, wrong is just kinda dumb. Like, they could have been sent the wrong materials, it could have only been intended to be used for one mission and Noisy Fairy managed to keep it running beyond that, it could have been an indication of how desperate Zeon was getting. Heck, the Kämpfer itself is stated to be one of multiple units built of the prototype Kämpfer each tuned for specialist uses, maybe they could simply use a different unit in the line? All of these options would have been better than “well it promotes recklessness and that’s BAAAAAD”

My other criticism is that it’s stated that they added extra thrusters to the design to offset all the extra weight of the armour and weapons (since the Titania doesn’t cast off its weapons like the original). Really now. You’re telling me you added “extra thrusters” to a unit that was already roughly 60% thruster by volume? I know it’s petty(ier) but it still bothers me.

However, none of this detracts from the fact that the Titania is a pretty sweet design, even if I do think I could’ve been integrated better (glances meaningfully in the direction of the Prototype Kämpfer).

[natsubeatsrock]

The Rewrite of Fairy Tail: Bonus (Natsu, Gildarts, and Cana)

What is the relationship between Gildarts and Natsu?

Here's a better question for me: How have I passed over this after so many posts about Natsu? This didn't show up in my big post on Natsu. I didn't talk about this in any post I've talked about Natsu in. I don't even know that I need to make a post about Gildarts yet. Most shocking of all, I didn't mention this in relationships that bind him to the guild. It's almost as if I'd forgotten about Gildarts in writing that post.

Luckily, that isn't the case. I think that the reason of Natsu and Gildarts is important to give attention to. We get a lot of it as a backstory to the series and implied stuff between them. This is easily Natsu's most important relationship with an adult human. There's no way I'd get away with simply mentioning it, especially as someone who thinks a lot about Natsu. This deserves its own post.

To address his absence in my post about Natsu and the guild, I don't think Gildarts is the kind of character who would keep him in the guild the way the others do. If anything, Gildarts is the type of member Natsu wants to be in my rewrite. He goes on long adventures and only periodically returns after months or years away from the guild. If Natsu wants to search for Igneel, this is exactly how he would want to work.

Though, there's more to it than that. Natsu clearly idolizes Gildarts but he's also willing to challenge him to fight the same way he would Erza or Gray. In the anime, he challenges him to fight before even greeting him (a lesson he only sorts of learns when he's older). What do I want to do with that?

I think this reveals an important aspect of Natsu's relationship with a few characters in the series. Natsu's challenges aren't just matters of pride. It's not just that he has problems with certain characters. I think it gets at a sense of self-reassurance with Natsu's search. Like, if he can beat them, nothing can stop him.

At the same time, I think Gildarts serves as a sort of model for the kind of person Natsu should be. Yes, may want to be a wizard who leaves for periods on end. At the same time, he should have serious respect and love for the members of the guild. He shouldn't see himself as a lone wolf and the guild as a stepping stone to reaching his goal of finding Igneel.

Though, there is an interesting wrench: Cana. I do not believe that their relationship was handled poorly. I don't plan on doing much to change Cana if anything. However, this is a pretty interesting thing to consider in light of Natsu's relationship with Gildarts. I want to make a few comments about how I plan to handle this.

First, seeing Gildarts and Cana is going to be part of Natsu's motivation to leave during the first time skip. What matters to him is wanting a similar type of reunion with Igneel. Of course, he is guided and encouraged to come back once that time ends and everything connected to him happens as expected.

Second, I've made the statement that Natsu's discussion with Gildarts in chapter 417 has more to do with Igneel than Lucy a few times. I do plan on adding words to this conversation in the series. I want their conversation to be one of reconciling the feelings he had before leaving, motivated by Cana's revelation, and his feelings about it now. Can it last for as long as 1 page of panels implies? Here's hoping.

Finally, to my own displeasure, I can't really do much to further the relationship between Cana and Natsu. I'm a huge Natsu multi-shipper and even wrote a story with them in a borderline romantic relationship. I obviously see an appeal to furthering their relationship in any sense. Unfortunately, given some other things I'm planning and considering doing, there isn't much I can do in that regard other than what happens in the series. Though, there is one place I will likely swap Natsu for Cana during the time skip. It’s a minor spot, but I'm not sure how it will be received.

Based on Part 11

[shotgun--rider]

Rumor

A Jensen x Reader oneshot

Y/N’s never considered how many suspiciously snuggly photos there are of her and her best friend. Then they all come out in a Buzzfeed article, published just in time for everyone to grill her during her solo panel. Now what?

Word Count: 4000

Warnings: Really dumb fluff, everyone’s anxious, Jared and Briana are sick of everyone’s shit

A/N: This is dumb and fluffy and dangerously song-fic territory but it showed up and demanded to be written so here you go. I have no idea if this is actually any good. Enjoy?

---------* ---------

You were the epitome of normal, growing up. You had decent grades, run-of-the-mill hobbies, and an average high school cashier job. You could hop on your bike (and later, borrow your parents’ car) and take yourself to the coffee shop, or to a friend’s, and the only people that  would look twice at you were drivers checking to make sure the kid on the bike didn’t steer into traffic. 

You didn’t win any “most likely to” awards in the yearbook, your college major was undecided for an embarrassing length of time, and your 300-odd Instagram followers were comprised of friends and some polite acquaintances from welcome week. And you didn’t mind. You were perfectly happy to go through your day-to-day without turning heads and making waves. 

That was all before you’d answered an open casting call on a whim, strapped for cash and mostly there because a sparkly website proclaiming “50 Easy Side Hustles!” had suggested spending your weekends as an extra if you lived in a big filming city. Before your three-episode contract in a show you’d never bothered to watch turned into a series regular.

Now, you’re pretty much guaranteed to have your face splashed across the internet every time you stick a toe off the end of your L.A. property line. Even if the paparazzi aren’t there to get you in Page Six with some wildly exaggerated nonsense, a fan somewhere will snap a blurry photo and upload it somewhere for people to shout about you in the comments section. You’ve never gotten used to being tagged in edits of your own face, or watching your follower count creep steadily upwards. You’re just… you. You’ve always been just the normal, average girl from a nothing-special hometown.  

Even after your third year running on Supernatural, you still forget. You still make it all the way to the end of the block before you remember that the person shouting your name is the bodyguard you accidentally abandoned two errands ago. You still get confused when the restaurant wait staff stares at you, still get annoyed calls from your publicist begging you to at least try to appear in fewer coffee shop paparazzi pictures looking like a disgruntled zombie who’s never seen a hairbrush. (Sue you, you can’t be expected to be functional before a cup of coffee.)

You’re a brilliant actress, an unexpected fan-favorite, relatable to everyone in your autograph line...and you’re kind of a terrible celebrity. Unlike certain child models turned actors straight at 18 you may know, this isn’t a world you were trained in. Which is probably why it doesn’t even occur to you that being caught frequently in the company of your best friend might look like something until you’re staring at your own name in a headline on your phone screen, in line at Starbucks before your first panel of the con weekend. 

Y/N L/N’s Secret Relationship With Co-Star Jensen Ackles, howls the bold-printed headline, and you blink stupidly at the letters, uncomprehending, until you realize that someone’s trying to get your attention. “Sorry, what?”

The barista looks impatient, suppressing an eyeroll and starting her spiel before cutting off halfway with a squeak. “Oh, my god, you’re her! I’m sorry, I’m just… you’re literally my favorite!” She’s blushing and stuttering and has a near-death grip on the empty coffee cup she was preparing to write your name on. 

“Oh,” you reply, forcing the fog of confusion from your brain and slapping on a smile. “Hi, you caught me.”

“Can I...um…” the girl reaches into her back pocket and sheepishly produces her cell phone, complete with a flaming pentagram case. “Um, selfie?”

You smile indulgently, leaning over the counter. The fans are one of the best parts, really, and it’s never a hardship to make someone smile. (That is, when they’re not selling rumors and lies to the tabloids, you think grumpily.)

The barista girl pulls back with a wide smile and a full-face blush, and keeps glancing shyly up at you while she punches in your usual order, plus the second coffee Jensen texted you this morning to beg for. “So I guess Jensen’s around here too, then, right?” she asks perkily, taking your card. 

“Uh...sorry, what?”

She shrugs like it’s obvious. “Since you flew in together,”

You blink rapidly, feeling stupid. You’re obviously missing the punchline somewhere. “We, uh...didn’t. I mean...I flew out of L.A.,” you say cautiously. Your home city is already public knowledge, as is the fact that Jensen lives in Austin, and you can’t imagine she doesn’t know this. 

Her eyes pop wide with curiosity. “Wait, so you’re not staying with him?”

This conversation is too much for your poor, jetlagged, coffeeless brain. “No?” you try weakly, so far past confused at this point that you might actually be getting a headache. “Why would I…” 

Not that Jensen’s Austin house isn’t lovely, and not that you’d object to staying there, and not that you haven’t stayed there plenty of times before, but you’re pretty sure you’re still missing the point. 

The barista lunges forward over the counter, leaning in to ask in a hushed voice, “Did you guys break up?”

An emphatic “No!” leaves your mouth so loudly that the old man in line behind you starts grumbling. “No, you don’t--” 

“Get a move on,” Old Man grouches in the background. “I don’t care who you are,”

“Oh, good,” the girl cuts you off with a relieved grin. “You guys are so cute, you know? I mean, I kinda figured you had to have something going on, but actually seeing it--it’s going to be so much cuter if Dean and Sierra ever kiss now, oh my god--”

She devolves into a squeal, and the we’re not actually dating dies on your tongue. You have better things to do this morning than correct the misinformation of one teenage barista, so you end up just shaking your head and taking the two cups of coffee wearily. “Right, well, I’ve gotta go, so--” you duck around the old man and beeline for the door before anyone can say anything else. Oh, god, your publicist is so going to kill you. 

***

Jared and Jensen are both in the green room when you make it back to the convention hotel, and you groan softly as you walk into the room. Once Jared hears about your so-called relationship, you’re never going to hear the end of it. Then again, better he hear it from you than find it in the tabloids. May as well bite the bullet now before it comes up in a Q&A. 

“Hey,” you slide up to Jensen’s elbow, holding out the requested coffee cup as a preemptive truce. “So, we’re apparently dating now,” 

Jensen snorts, shaking his head and swapping the coffee cup into his other hand so he can wrap his arm around your shoulders in greeting. “Yeah, I saw that.”

“I think I may have given a barista the impression we’ve had a tumultuous breakup,” you say ruefully, tilting your head up to look at him in apology. “Sorry,”

Jensen’s green eyes are dancing, though, and he throws back his head and laughs, still keeping you tucked close enough that you can feel his whole body shake. “Of course you did, sweetheart,”

It’s pretty much the reaction you expected from Jensen, who’s so used to your antics at this point that he just gives you a fond smile and moves on to damage control. Jared, on the other hand, is...not commenting, and suspicion cuts short your quiet enjoyment of being hugged against Jensen. It took the boys a while to feel comfortable messing with you when you first got on set, but after they figured out you gave as good as you got, they’d never yet missed an opportunity to tease and prank you. 

You squint at Jared warily. “Why aren’t you reacting?”

Jared’s lips immediately start twitching, but he makes a valiant attempt at a mock-concerned face. “Oh shit, sorry. Here, tell me again and I’ll pretend like I’m surprised this time,”

Unwilling to bother unwinding yourself from under Jensen’s arm, you extend a childish foot in the direction of Jared’s shins, scowling at him. He dodges easily, laughing, and tosses out, “Someone should really tell Buzzfeed they’re reporting really old news,”

“Shut up and drink your damn coffee, Padalecki,” you shoot back without any real venom.

“Oh, you mean my hotel coffee? The coffee I got stuck with because you only buy Starbucks for Jensen?”

Jensen straightens up proudly, no doubt making a face at Jared over the top of your head. “Y/N just likes me better. That’s why she’s my best friend.”

You roll your eyes, ducking under Jensen’s arm and a few steps away. “You both suck,” you deadpan, resisting an internal wince at the friendzone. “Now shut up and let me drink my coffee, I have to be on stage in fifteen minutes,” 

And God, but your head is way too scrambled for a panel right now. Fifteen minutes is nowhere close to enough time to get your shit together, and you’re going to have to somehow walk out there and not let everyone know. 

You take a seat halfway across the room, watching Jared and Jensen still standing there, heads bowed together, arguing quietly about something. Jensen’s starting to wear an annoyed expression and he still manages to look beautiful and goddamnit this is how you got in trouble in the first place. 

You scroll listlessly through your phone, a headache beginning behind your eyes, and freeze when you realize that you left the damn article open. The headline photo is a picture of you and Jensen on a sidewalk in L.A., caught mid-conversation with Jensen’s hand on your back and a stupid, dopey look on your face while you stare up at him like he hung the moon. Fuck, you’re an idiot. 

A hasty scroll through the rest of the article reveals more of the same, and you could kick yourself for making your dumb crush so obvious. The photo captions are practically mocking you, labelled with things like “an intimate evening for Ackles and L/N” and, under a picture of the two of you at a beach, “We might be a little mad that the two most attractive people are together”. 

Well, at least now you know what every single question at your panel is going to be about. And somehow you have to figure out how to play this off like it’s nothing. Of course I don’t have a crush the size of a mid-sized whale on Jensen, hahaha, that’s such a hilarious idea! 

Your only saving grace is that clearly, Jensen doesn’t think anything of it. It’s nothing more than a brief joke to him and Jared, and as much as that should bring you relief, it still stings to know that he’s obviously never bothered to think of you that way. And why would he? For all Buzzfeed’s nonsense about you making an attractive couple, Jensen Ackles miles above your league. 

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by Misha sitting down next to you, an easy smile on his face as he nudges your shoulder with his own. “So, welcome to the club,”

Typically, you and Misha are pretty close friends, but your patience is too short this morning for any of his shit. “What club?” you shoot back grumpily. 

“People who the internet have declared in love with Jensen Ackles,” Misha returns, grinning like it’s obvious. 

“Ha, ha. See, except when that happens to you, people think it’s funny,”

“It is funny,”

“Not for me!” you explode, belatedly wincing at your harsh tone. “You and Jensen fuck around on stage and that works for you. If I don’t get my shit together in the next five minutes, I’m getting my name dragged through stupid tabloids and laughed straight off the show because I couldn’t keep my goddamn stupid pathetic crush under control!”

“Hey,” Misha waits until you meet his blue eyes. “That’s not going to happen. Okay? It’s not,”

“Misha--”

“Y/N,” Misha returns firmly. “It’s going to be okay. Jensen would never let anything happen to you. And you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.”

You sigh softly, nodding. Rationally, you know he’s right. But mostly, as much as you’re worked up about the panel, your fear is that Jensen is going to be the one laughing at you, and you don’t know how to explain that. “Yeah,” you say dully, just as a convention worker comes forward to collect you. 

“If it’s really going to shit, I’ll come distract everyone,”

“Somehow, I think that would be worse,” you shoot back over your shoulder as you start walking to the stage. Breathe, Y/N. You’re fine. 

You wait for the introductions to finish and take your place on the stage, a slightly breathy laugh escaping into the mic as you look out at the crowd. That is a lot of eyes watching your every move. And they’re on your side, you remind yourself. It’s the fans who’ve been tireless supporters of you and your character, this whole time. 

“Hey, guys,” you clear your throat. “What’s up?”

You chatter for a while about whatever you can think of, telling an edited version of the grumpy Starbucks man this morning and rambling a little about Jared’s latest on-set antics. All too quickly, though, you run out of things to say, leaving you with no choice but to ask for questions. 

At first, to your great relief, they’re pretty tame. You spend a solid few minutes breaking down Sierra’s latest character arc, and the time she’s spending hunting on her own. You do get a few questions about whether she and Dean could get together when she gets back with the brothers, but as long as it stays firmly in the realm of your characters, you’re not worried. 

“And what’s your name?” You ask gently, trying to reassure the nervous young woman at the microphone. 

“Uh, Y/N…”

“I love that name!” you wink at her, rearranging yourself in the chair to be more comfortable. “What do you want to know, Y/N?”

“Uh,” she stutters, her face blushing pink. “You’re my favorite actress, and, I, um,”

“That’s very sweet,” you interject, nodding to encourage her. 

“I just, uh, really want good things for you, and I just wanted to ask if, um, areyoureallydatingJensen?” she spits out all in one breath. “Cause you deserve him,”

You blink, shifting in your seat. You’d arrived at the elephant in the room. Damn. 

“Uh,” escapes your mouth as you frantically try to construct a diplomatic sentence. “No, actually, no, we’re not.” I wish. “The, um, the article was a surprise to us too!” You added a little shrug in as punctuation, trying to play it off. 

“But you guys look so cute together!” Other Y/N exclaims. “He looks at you like--” she cuts off, biting her lip so hard you can see the white from the stage. “Nevermind. Sorry.” 

“No worries,” you assure her casually, like you’re not dying to know what she was going to say. “Next question?”

The next one up is another young woman, this time much bolder in her question. “But if you were given the opportunity, would you date Jensen Ackles?” 

God, Chuck, literally anyone please kill me. “I don’t know how to answer this without getting in trouble,” you finally laugh nervously. “This is a dangerous question,”

The audience all laughs loudly, some of them throwing out comments and suggestions. “In the interests of not getting killed in my bed tonight,” you say lightly when they’ve quieted. “I’m going to skip that question,”

There’s really no saving you, though. After that first question, it’s like a dam has broken and everyone wants to know about your relationship with Jensen. What do you think of his house in Austin and does he cook for you and what do you do between takes and where’s your favorite place to go together. Someone even asks if you’re hooking up even if you’re not dating, which you’re positive turns your face completely purple before you get through redirecting that fan. 

An hour later, you stagger off the stage mentally exhausted and thoroughly grumpy. 

“Ouch,” Briana sympathizes, sliding up beside you as you grab a water bottle in the green room. 

“Can’t wait for my dumb red face to trend on Tumblr,” you mutter, wondering darkly if you could just jump out one of the windows. 

Briana laughs like she knows something you don’t, and rubs a hand over your back soothingly. “Come on, let’s get you out of your head before your photos,”

The two of you end up on a walk a few blocks from the convention hotel, fresh coffees in hand and Briana chattering away while you nod along. It’s not that you’re tuning her out, exactly, you’re just...overwhelmed. You do, however, notice when she stops talking. 

“Are you listening to me?” she looks at you sharply.

“Sorry, B,” you mumble. “Got distracted. What?”

Briana shakes her head with loving exasperation. “I asked what you’re wearing to karaoke tonight,”

“I’m probably not going to--” you start.

“Oh, no you don’t. You can’t leave me there alone,” Briana interrupts, folding her arms across her chest. 

“What do you mean, alone? Kim and Rich and literally everyone will be there,”

“You are not allowed to skip karaoke.” Briana says firmly, and you suddenly know how her daughter must feel when she’s misbehaved. “Besides, Jensen’s singing with Louden Swain beforehand. Don’t you want to see it?”

“Fine. But I’m wearing this,” you gesture to your plain black top and jeans. To be honest, you’re not sure if you actually do want to see Jensen perform, or bother with the rest of karaoke night. Mostly you just want to crawl into bed and put the covers over your head and pretend that you haven’t been making a fool of yourself all morning, but Briana is a force of nature when she wants something. 

She smiles excitedly at your acquiescence, pulling out her phone for a moment to type something before you start heading back. 

You nudge her teasingly with your elbow. “Your phone more exciting than me?”

Briana just slides it away hastily before you can read more than Jared’s name over her shoulder. “Just taking care of something.”

There’s something she’s not telling you, but you don’t feel like digging right now. You’re just focusing on getting to the end of this convention without spilling all your secrets and looking like an idiot. 

By the time you’re sitting down in the seats for Louden Swain’s set, your face is indeed all over Tumblr. (You always deny having the stupid app, but sometimes a girl’s gotta know what people are saying about her and her hot costars.) There’s comments full of stupid speculation that you’re hiding your relationship, including a whole thread about how you’re clearly hiding your secret threesome with Jensen and Misha. Great. 

“Uh, okay,” a familiar voice snaps you out of your thoughts. Jensen’s on stage in front of the microphone, holding his guitar. “This was not part of my original plan, so...if this goes badly, it’s all Jared and Briana’s fault.”

The crowd laughs good-naturedly as your gaze snaps immediately to Briana. Infuriatingly, your friend just shrugs. 

“This is a cover of a song neither of us wrote,” Jensen continues, gesturing between himself and Louden Swain behind him. “But I thought it could be fitting,”

He’s nervous, you realize, watching the way he’s fiddling with his guitar strap while he talks. But you have no idea what he’s doing. And you have no idea why he didn’t tell you. The two of you always know what stupid thing the other person is planning, especially stunts in front of the fans. But clearly not this time. With a sinking sense of dread, you wonder if maybe he does hate you a little bit after today, and that article. Maybe that’s why he’s not talking to you. You swallow hard against the sting in your throat, and Jensen starts playing. 

The opening chords are definitely from a country song you vaguely recognize from the radio, and you wonder why this is Jensen’s choice over one of his own songs. 

“Girl, you know I've known you forever / How many nights we hung out together,”

Across the room, Briana has an enormous smile on her face.

“My boys are laughing and tap me on the shoulder / Making a motion like, ‘Could y'all get any closer?’” He punctuates the words with a little scowl in Jared’s direction. 

“There's a rumor going 'round about me and you / Stirring up our little town the last week or two / So tell me why we even trying to deny this feeling / I feel it, don't you feel it too? / There's a rumor going 'round, and 'round, and 'round / What d'you say we make it true?”

There are a lot of people suddenly making noise around you as they come to the same realization that you are, but you’re frozen in your seat. The rumor is you. He’s talking about you. Jensen’s singing for you. And you should be elated but your mind is stuck on a loop of what the fuck there’s no way this is real. 

You don’t even realize that the song is over until everyone is clapping and you’re still stuck staring with embarrassingly wide eyes, Jensen up on stage with an embarrassed dusting of red across his face and a slowly deflating expression. 

“Hey,” Jared’s elbow digs hard into your ribs suddenly. “Please do something. I can’t take any more of him like this,”

“What--oh--shit!” spills out of your mouth as you stand hastily, your phone tumbling off your lap. “I’m just gonna--”

By some miracle, you make it through the crush of people and around to the backstage area, your heart racing unevenly in your chest. You have no idea what you’re supposed to say, or if Jensen will be there, or if you’re even interpreting this right. Maybe it’s all just wishful thinking. No, Jared wouldn’t have encouraged you if that were true. Would he?

You’re so lost in your thoughts that you end up plowing straight into Jensen’s chest, his arm sliding automatically around your waist as you wobble off balance. “Shit, I’m sorry!”

He steadies you, green eyes searching your face with a flicker of vulnerability. “Hey,”

“Hey,” you whisper back. You have no idea what happens now.

With his free hand, Jensen rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “Look, if that was too much--”

“No!” you shake your head quickly. “I’m sorry, I was just...processing. I...it was really sweet, Jen,”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you confirm. “I just… me? Are you sure?”

“Why not you?” Jensen’s face wrinkles in confusion. He moves both hands to your waist, the warmth of his skin bleeding through your thin shirt as he tugs you closer. “Y/N,” 

There’s something in you screaming that you might not get to do this again, that he’s going to come to his senses, that the whole thing is a dream, and before you can second guess yourself you launch yourself up onto your tiptoes and kiss him. 

Your arms go around his neck while Jensen wraps you up tighter against his chest and it’s not fireworks, or earth shattering, or anything so dramatic. His mouth moving against yours just feels like home and love and of course. Of course you were going to get here, of course it was going to be like this. 

Jensen lifts you off your feet for a moment before breaking the kiss, and he looks just breathless and flushed enough that you’re equal parts proud and turned on. 

“Of course it’s you,” he murmurs, one hand under your chin to tilt your head up to him. “Of course I love you. You’re my best friend.”

------

Something ate my taglist! If you want to be tagged, please message me!

[stxrrywildflower]

disbanded (1)

pairing - spencer reid x reader

summary - after emily’s death, the still grieving bau team disbands in hopes of the time off doing some emotional healing. however, for you and spencer, strauss recruits you for your own individual team almost immediately. months later, after new case details are discovered, you and spencer are forced to call in your old team for assistance

warnings - case details, angst

series masterlist

seven months.

seven months had gone by and the team had barely heard anything from you or spencer.

there were occasional texts, letters, and phone calls. the messages were always brief, never lasting more than a few sentences or minutes.

j.j. returned to the bau around three months in. she was changed, everyone noticed that. the blonde agent put on a facade, masking any signs of trauma or difference.

the only crack in her foundation was when she saw the practically empty desk. it came as a suprise to see desks normal covered in pictures and other items now almost cleared. the only reminder of your presence was both of your name plates remaining.

everyone felt a toll with what was going on. they were missing three out of eight team members. sure, they weren’t working active cases, but just having everyone around made a difference.

hotch was the leader. the alpha-male. he kept everyone in line while providing the support and care any member of his team needed at all times. though his leadership in the middle east was more then successful, they missed having the role model to look up to.

spencer was the kid. the boy genius. his intelligence was more than impressive, though he often used it as a shields. his facts, while sometimes unneeded, provided the final piece of a profile to catch the unsub. the team never knew they could miss his rambling more.

you were the glue. the one that kept the team together. though your presence was still fairly new in comparison to others, your witty remarks and overal care for everyone acted as a backbone. your relationship with spencer was almost model worthy, something everyone wanted to look up. you changed spencer in the best way possible.

they knew where hotch had gone. but for you and spencer, no one had any clue. when j.j hunted down and questioned anderson, the man had very obviously lied about not knowing before leaving to go back to work.

eventually they stopped asking.

four months later, hotch returned. his return back was less then minimal, being greeted with smiles, hugs, and even the stray comment about the beard. the reunion was short lived as hotch had requested them all to meet in the conference room.

curious and concerned gazes were thrown back and forth. no one voiced their confusion, choosing to obey the orders of their leader and take seats for the first time in seven months around the round table.

“we’ve been called in,” the unit chief started.

✦✧✦✧

across the country, you threw your head back in annoyance with the case. spencer leaned against the table, one arm crossed across his body while the other ran over his lip.

the recent case was becoming increasingly difficult. a series of robbery homicides involving a team of seven different members was terrorizing the city of los angeles.

you had successfully identified four members though the other three were a mystery. there were many facts pointing to the possibility of involvement in organized crime. one wrong move in your investigation and a lot more could go wrong.

three days and no solid leads.

usually you and spencer were wrapping up other cases by now. instead, you were sitting in one of the rooms at the los angeles police department reviewing the profile over and over. spencer, on the other hand, was going though every report you had on the unsubs, desperate to find something that could like them all together to give you a clue.

what didn’t help was the heat. the summer heat was hitting the city hard, you and spencer shedding your suit jackets as a result.

“have you checked prison records?” you asked, looking at the board in front of you.

“yes, absolutely no connections there.”

you huffed. you weren’t getting anywhere despite having a near perfect profile and organized board showing a whole crime family tree.

“we need to call in some extra help,” you finally admitted.

“y/n,” spencer started. “i don’t think we really need them. i mean we work perfectly fine on our own. we’re pretty much the new rossi and gideon.”

“look, i don’t really want to see them either. but if we don’t figure out something soon, more people are going to die. a fresh set of eyes could do us good,” you replied.

spencer fiddled with collar of his shirt, a nervous habit he had picked up a few months ago. it was a telltale of his growing concern or anxiety over a situation.

you sat down beside the genius, resting your hand on top of his. “hey, it’s one case. after this we’re back solving cases on our own. does that sound okay?”

“i’ll go make the call.”

✦✧✦✧

“why do they need us? we don’t even have a full team,” morgan was already protesting after the very minimal briefing.

“because y/n and reid requested our help,” hotch answewd.

j.j. most notability flinched at the mention of your names. “what do you mean they need out help? i haven’t really heard from them in months,” j.j. pipped in.

hotch sighed. “back when we split up, strauss inquired y/n and reid to continue doing our job, traveling and all. i was only aware of it because technically i’m still their boss. it’s a lot more intense then when we were traveling, hence their absence. but their success is incredibly high. i don’t have the exact number but it’s around sixty-three cases solved in seven months. of that, five or less have ended in having to shoot the unsub.”

rossi let our a low whistle at that. “have either of them been hurt at all?”

“a few minor injuries but none involving hospitalization

the unit chief looked around at his team, all displaying very conflicted emotions.

“we’ll leave here at five tomorrow morning. be prepared for a long case.”

the team arrived the following morning, heading up to the second floor of the police department at promptly nine am. everyone was slightly jet lagged, time zones the direct cause of that.

just seconds after they had arrived, who they presumed was the police chief headed over on their direction, already extending a hand to shake.

“i’m detective henderson. the other two agents on the case apologize for the absence and should be back soon. one of the family members requested to see him,” the police chief introduced. “but you can all set up in here.”

the team followed the chief through the office and into the usual conference room they were offered. no one failed to take note of the other room occupied, a familiar messanger bag resting on the table.

“and here we are. there’s information posted on the board but i’m sure the agents will explain it when they arrive. please feel free to come to me with any questions.”

hotch was the one to thank the chief. “alright let’s sit down and go over the files. we didn’t have a lot to go off of back at quantico but there’s a ton here.”

it couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes that they waiting, using that time to run through theories about the identified unsubs and ways to find the missing three.

the room seemed to stop, all eyes going towards the elevator.

the team stood up all at once, already suspecting who was about to walk in. their suspicions were proven to be correct as you and spencer stepped out, eyes looking straight ahead.

to put it simply, you two looked and acted different.

seemingly small things for outsiders but things that meant everything for the team had changed.

handshakes replaced hugs. nods replaced smiles. iced coffee replaced hot. even spencer’s revolver he used since the ldsk case was replaced with a glock 19.

since when did spencer drink red bull?

even your style of clothing altered. spencer’s dress pants and sweaters were swapped out for one-piece suits, tie and all. your blouse and dress pants changed into suits, having matching patterned tight pants and blazers, heels to top it off. your outfits both looked ten times more formal.

“agent hotchner,” you greeted, extending your hand.

it was obvious hotch, as well as the rest of the team, was taken back by your words and presence. the last time anyone close to hotch refer to him as ‘agent hotchner’ was when they first met him. he was always very clear about preferring the abbreviated version of his last name.

spencer was the exact same as you, his discomfort with shaking hands seemingly vanished. it pained morgan that he couldn’t reach out and hug the man he considered to be his little brother.

“i apologize for us not being here when you arrived, i know from experience that it’s a long flight. the board in your room has all the information we’ve collected. there’s a timeline, victim list, crime scene photos, and then a family tree. we also have transcripts which can be sent to your tablets. other than that, the case details are in the file folders and you’re good to go,” you explained.

“y/n,” hotch called, stopping both you and spencer from walking away.

“before you ask, i really think we need to focus on this case before discussing transfers. don’t you think so?”

☆ ☆ ☆

tags - @tinylumpiaa @rumplebutterbitch @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @the-quarantine-diaries @ah-blossom @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @aperrywilliams @kissessforharryyy @garcias-batcave @reidswords @etherealgubler @spenceneedsahug @jjandreidsgirl @zoseph @emilouu @mortallythoughtfulgurl @alexxcorona113 @swiftspaperings @gia-kerks @mggstyles

[randomoranges]

I'm pretty sure you've mentioned it before but what tribe does Étinenne belong to? Any specific details you can give?

Bonjour – hi hello pardon for the delay

I got super busy with work and stuff and then had to think of the answer because this is not a straightforward question haha and then had to revise the og answer to make it better.

Anyways this is going to be a Thing and a little bit all over the place but here we go.

As they say in the vernac’ attache ta tuque a’c d’la broche à foin.

Bref.

So

The island of Montreal was before colonisation a meeting hub for different groups of first nations. They’d come to what is now the old port area and trade, exchange, meet up, etc. But not no one really stayed permanently esque in that gen area in a long term type of way.

Keeping that in mind, Pointe à Callière is currently the museum that has the ruins of the old Ville Mariefortifications from the Maisonneuve era.

Both areas are super close to one another. Like it’s part of the same area.

After MUCH consideration and going back and forth (thank you 5ever @allbeendonebefore for the help – the real MVP) I’ve come to these following thoughts.

For starters, it’s more particular with étienne because Montreal is a city – but it’s also an island and a few years back they tried to like unite all the cities of the island into one giant city on the island. To some success. So – what path did I want to go with? And also both paths have their pros and cons and things that make it easier and harder.

I always chose the island one because it encompasses the Important Areas of the City and the ones with the Most History, so it’s easier to include More. Ish.

Ét would have started off as just Some Guy who appears where Pointe à Callière is. He’s a regular dude and he likes the vibe of the place and the comings and goings of the people in the area so he sticks around and lives his life. People (the First Nations people who were using that area as a trading/exchange/meet up hub) would tell him stories of their adventures/things that happened because ét seemed trustworthy and because he was the “local guy” who just happened to be there and et is curious and does fit in with crowds really well. Ét ends up “collecting” these stories and obviously finds them fascinating.

Throughout his early days, he picks up on these tales, makes connections with people and lives an ordinary life by the heart of the river and at the foot of the mountain [poetic license here]. Élyse may be his only constant by then, but their relation isn’t as close as it would be today. She too would come and go but she’d be the only one coming and going as frequently and because she too does not age like a regular human, ét would assume that’s the standard. The others who come and go don’t necessarily come back so he’d think little of it – or he’d see them again Much Later, so Clearly It’s Fine.

He isn’t aware of a bigger role he may or may not have just yet.

There would have been other “avatars” of the first nations groups that would come and go and they would have traded stories with étienne as well and that would be how he would get the cartiertales from the St-Laurent Iroquoians [who are, according to history, the group that happened to be there when Cartier showed up]

For now, étienne without knowing is like the personification of the Meeting Spot where everyone meets up. He has a connection to the spot but he’s still unaware of his raison d’être. Of course, he yearns for a sense of belonging, but whenever a group comes over for a bit and he thinks this might be it, it turns out that it’s not.

Eventually, by the time the Mohawks come and settle on the territory, they would be the first group that would make an actual real connection with Étienne and like invite him to join them. And seeing as Étienne has longed to belong to a Group, he’d join. Also since they seemed to actually want to stay in a more permanent way and not just – well growing seasons done so long and thanks for all the fish.

Étienne equally being a quick study of languages would also pick up really quickly and he’d fit in nicely with the Mohawks who could see potential in him/him being an asset.

It would be around these times that he’d start to realise that people around him – that he’d met just a few years back – that were just like him what feels like the other day – are changing when he isn’t. And it’s prolly around then that he realises he’s different from the others in his community and question why. The answers he gets aren’t satisfactory, but he grins and bears it and keeps searching for Others Like Him and he wonders if maybe those others whod swapped stories with him before, with warnings and caution knew something he didn’t.

The interesting thing with PAC as well is that they’ve done this thing a few years back called the Memory Collector – collections of memories and whatnot from people who’ve come and gone through Montreal from the og Montréalistes to current immigrants and everything in between. So Étienne being the actual Collector of Memories through people coming and going and telling him their stories is like – perfect.

He’d move around with the Mohawks and it would be the first time he’d feel as though he’d belong to a group so he’d associate with them as an identity.

In my humble opinion, my thoughts have always been that when Maisonneuve and co arrived and tried to get a village started, étienne, being the curious being he’s always been, woulda been intrigued by these newcomers and would have wanted to see how they lived compared to him and the people in his community. Also, with Maisonneuve and Co wanting to get a village started in like his area he woulda been like well hello neighbours! Come, come, here is the land! Enjoy!! So, he would’ve prolly wanted the others of his community to do the same and want Maisonneuve and Co to welcome the ways of his people as well. In his mind he doesn’t understand why these two groups – and others – can’t get along and just live peacefully together. He’s seen enough bloodshed and it’s Exhausting. He much rather have those evenings of trading stories and having a good time.

Also, an interesting note is that Cartier mostly just came, saw left-ish compared to Maisonneuve who was like “aight, let us live here Permanently” that changed the dynamics and also pulled at Étienne who again was like I Want Friends.

In the og village of Maisonneuve and his Montréalistes [yes, that’s what they were called at the time] there were different first nations ppl who decided to live with Maisonneuve and Co. So it’s not always easy to be like ah yes, étienne woulda belonged to X and Y. Hence this rambly mess.

Obviously and unfortunately, there were way too many conflicts btwn Maisonneuve and Co and the first nations folks and that would upset étienne who woulda wanted all groups to get along. In his opinion there were many resources for all to live happily. The Grande Paix de Montréal [1701] would have given him Hope TM that things could settle down once and for all.

On a side note, before Maisonneuve and Co arrived, Étienne would have not used the name Étienne. That would come post colonisation but I’m not sure when. At the time he would go by Tiohtià:ke.

In the early days of Ville Marie ét woulda still been more “first nations” than “bonjour I am now a Montréaliste” but he woulda offered his services/employment to Maisonneuve as a voyageur after a bit, because on top of errthing else ét woulda been hella intrigued by the idea of exploring the world and the fact that there were people who crossed the big ocean and who lived so completely differently from anyone hed ever known woulda boggled his mind and also to get away from the hot mess of conflicts going on. He woulda thought the Grande Paix would have brought back the earlier trading hub/story swap vibes, but too many bloody conflicts he was tired of made him want to get a change of pace. Plus the fact that now he felt Attached to Groups so no longer needed to just Wait. And also the fact that said Groups were Not Getting Along would have made him want to Leave.

After a while of that, around [18XX] he woulda settled in the city and like been a merchant of sorts. [im still working on the notes and details, but he’d get tired of the trips and the conditions and it wasnt just go out and have fun and explore but there were too many issues as well and he just – wanted to have a good time, really, so hed go back to the city and change again]

By the 19th century, whatever ties with his og first nations roots he had woulda been completely washed away by the colonisation of the island – especially by what is now the old port/ville marie and he would have tried Real Hard to Fit In because of his curiosity and wanting to live like these european folk and because of how shite the first nations were being treated. George-Étienne Cartier would have been an Aspiration of his and someone he would have modeled himself after [way of life, personality, etc]

By that time he would also consider himself as French and first nation (Mohawk) as a second and maybe even third thought. Equally, compared to some other avatars, I feel like Étienne would have “lost himself” and is now unfortunately more disconnected from his OG first nation roots than others might (think Ed). The colonisation + the large amount of euros that came to MTL would have given him whiplash for years and would have been like a tidal wave over his head. All of a sudden the village boomed, it was a city and there were more of these french cathos than anything else.

For a good part of the 19th and 20thcentury, he would have identified as Catholic and French with very little regard to his first nation roots. The og village of Ville Mariewould now be an actual thriving and important city and offering more opportunities for growth to him/suddenly MTL city is super relevant. He’d get swept up by the fast pace and the “glamour” and pretty words and it was easier to just go with the flow than to fight. He’s always been someone of good times and parties and of celebrations over everything else and obviously it wasn’t always easy for everyone in the city, but it certainly is when you know the right people and you’re on the up and up as an Important City.

Post Oka crisis (1990s), I think he would have started lowkey thinking about his first nation roots again. Mostly because the crisis shoved it in everyone’s faces in a big way that hadn’t been heard in a Long Time. And maybe slowly slowly like veeeerrry slowly reconnecting. But feeling v lost and overwhelmed by it bcs is that even still him? Was that ever even him? And if not then what the heck even bcs thats like centuries of his life just – forgotten and lost. But to a point he’d also relate with the immigrants who’d come to his city and then feel alienated from their og roots. And then also like even going back to it it’s not even what it was Before, because the Mohawks changed over the centuries as well [duh] as most groups do. Like with any language and expressions and fashions and such from any place.

Eventually at some point in the 21st century he would reconnect more and make his own amends with his identity and the multiple facets it has as well as coming to terms with certain events that happened btwn the euros and first nations over the centuries. The Catholic identity would peter down post 1970s, but the french id would stay even though he likes the multicultural aspect. Theres just something about being a little shit and also being Different in a Sea of Same, etc

In the end, he would attach himself to being Mohawk + French origins since those two would really be the two first groups that gave him a sense of like “belonging” in their own way. [And, obvi he’d belong to the queer community lamao]

Literally coulda just answered your ask with: Mohawk, French, Queer Lamao bit I turned this into a Thing TM oupsee.

And I totes hope this actually Answered the Question and you didn’t mean something completely different LAMAO

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

The Critique of Manners Part IV

~Or~

A Very Amused Review of Emma (1972)

One doesn’t really know where to begin with this one. I’ve watched a few of these 70’s/80’s period drama adaptations, but I’ve never written a review for one. I think the tricky thing is it doesn’t feel fair to judge them against more recent adaptations because the approach and quality are so very different to modern television making.

But people do. I’m sure it’s different for people who grew up watching these, who are just used to them and their objectively terrible, stagey quality and can look past that particular weakness on the sheer power of nostalgia.

So I’m going to try and find a middle-ground here where I ignore the stagey and obviously dated aspects and judge it primarily on its value as an adaptation – is it faithful to the book?

Let’s dive in.

Cast & Characterization

Normally I would start with Emma and Knightley but this time I’m gonna switch it up a bit and do them last because… well we’ll get there in a bit.

Let’s start instead with Mr. Woodhouse. I have to say, I kind of like this take. The 1996-7 and 2009 adaptations all kind of went for the same type of older man: a bit stout, or in Michael Gambon’s case… however you would describe Michael Gambon. With Donald Eccles, however, this version goes for a rather more frail looking Mr. Woodhouse; in fact to compare him to any recent Mr. Woodhouse, I suppose he comes closest to Bill Nighy (although the general characterization is of course very different.)  He’s a ridiculous but lovable soul who seems always, of course, worried about his own health and comfort, but in his own selfish way, concerned for his friends and family as well. My only complaint is that maybe they over-utilized him.

I thought the casting of a plump Mrs. Weston (Ellen Dryden) was an interesting choice, and definitely different from other versions. Her acting was actually really good too.

I wasn’t quite so pleased with the characterization of Mr. Weston, on the other hand. I have huge issues with this script vis-à-vis the men, but Mr. Weston and Knightley in particular. The problem with Mr. Weston is how he’s written as just verging on uncouth at some points. There are way too many rustic contractions here: “Ain’t I looking well too, Miss Emma?!’ “’Ark at that eh? The sly young rogue!” “Oh I think it looks tolerably gay and festive, don’t it?” and then just throwing himself back on the grass and chortling when Emma makes her fateful Box Hill faux pas? Like, what the hell? I’m not saying he shouldn’t use a few casual contractions (“How d’you do?” for example) but he seems almost like a positive country bumpkin and I don’t think it’s appropriate; he doesn’t talk like that in the book and I’m just all-around not here for it.

Constance Chapman, a well-respected character actress of the time was cast as Miss Bates, while Molly Sugden, of Are You Being Served? fame was WASTED in the bit-part of Mrs. Goddard. If you ask me, they should have swapped this casting, since I think Sugden, an outstanding comedienne, could have done so much more with the Miss Bates role than the usual wittery-old-lady style chattering Chapman delivered.

Mr. Elton was played by Timothy Peters (Right) and was, eh, adequate. They did slime him up a bit by having him over-eagerly offer to fix Emma’s bootlace, which she points out isn’t entirely appropriate for a man to do, especially the vicar and it’s pretty funny; but other than that, he has all the appearance of being a pleasant young man, as Mr. Elton should – becoming less pleasant as the story progresses.

One John Alkin (left) played Mr. Robert Martin, and he, too, was adequate. There’s not much of him and, since Mr. Martin wasn’t one of those characters this version decided to approach more three-dimensionally, there’s not much to say about him. 

Frank Churchill is… OMG IT’S PRINCE HARRY FROM BLACKADDER!

Ahem. Yes, Robert East (BETTER KNOWN AS PRINCE HARRY FROM BLACKADDER) plays a very agreeable (and smarmy, but not too smarmy) Frank. I think honestly this is as good as this part could get in the 70’s, although at 29 he was a little too old for the part.

John and Isabella, in an interesting (?) casting choice, were played by brother and sister duo, Yves and Belinda Tighe. I actually really liked Yves’s John Knightley (he’s actually one of the more handsome John’s, in a 70’s kind of way; for note-taking purposes I have nicknamed him “Not-Harrison-Ford”), but his sister as Isabella seemed kind of old and had just a really annoying voice. Also she doesn’t look at all like Doran Godwin, and Emma and Isabella are supposed to look somewhat alike.

The real casting stand out for me in this version is Fiona Walker as Mrs. Elton, although she too was a little old for her role, I’ve said before that there are no bad Mrs. Eltons (only bad accents) and she just absolutely nailed the insufferable chatter to a definitive standard (until the recent adaptations – 2009 onward).

I did however, get the feeling in this version that they kind of wrote in a through-line where Mrs. Elton is putting the moves on Mr. Knightley (to the point where they actually wrote out Mr. Elton from scenes he should be in) which was one of those unnecessary deviations which made me raise an eyebrow and also was just… weird.

Now my question is – why do all of the young women in this series kind of look like evil dolls?

Debbie Bowen, from a strictly book accuracy perspective is one of the most accurate Harriet Smiths I’ve seen – in fact we don’t get another this accurate (to my way of thinking) until Louise Dylan in 2009, who fits roughly the same model (fair and shapely). Its Bowen’s acting I don’t like, but I know that in the 70’s, this kind of simpering acting for this kind of character was just unavoidable. It was the style at the time, so I’m cutting her a break critically; but the performance just doesn’t cut it for me.

This Jane Fairfax (played by Ania Marson) is not my favorite interpretation of this character. At first I thought she was going to be alright, but in her first scene she bursts out and actually shouts in frustration at her chattering aunt (which she has some basis for, I’ll admit, since Miss Bates, in her muddle-headed way, could very well have unwittingly spilled the beans about Jane and Frank) but this is far more feeling than we should even have a hint of from Jane at this point. The whole reason Emma doesn’t like Jane (other than the fact that Emma is an attention whore and Jane steals her thunder by being so admired and accomplished) is because she’s timid and demure and reserved.

But the biggest problem I have with this Jane is that she can’t even fucking sing. I know they write it away as her having a sore throat (Which I think is a pull from a different part of the book?) but this was just egregiously bad to me. This is the only time in the series they show Jane singing so it’s never actually established that Jane really is more accomplished than Emma (although they don’t show Emma herself singing or even playing at all either.) Could the actresses just not sing well so they decided to write around it? You could have dubbed it; you had that technology in the 70’s!

OK. Now it’s time to talk about Doran Godwin. I’ve never seen her in anything else so I don’t know if it’s just that she can’t act, but I have no idea what she was going for with this portrayal of Emma, and this is something so consistent and unique to her that I, for once, can’t justify blaming it solely on the director because you can’t direct crazy-eyes. They just happen; and they happen A LOT in this series.

I’ve struggled to find the words to sufficiently describe my feeling about Doran Godwin’s facial expressions and her acting in this adaptation. In my ribbon rating notes I think I describe her as a “witchy automaton”? I stand by it. Every time she talks to someone her eyes go very wide and she sort of looks like she’s trying to hypnotize everyone in Highbury. The effect is just absolutely inhuman. I never thought I’d ever see anyone with more patently crazed Crazy-Eyes than Timothy “Crazy-Eyes” Dalton – but man, Doran “Hypno-Witch” Godwin just stole the prize. Perhaps she escaped from the set of a Doctor Who? telling of the story where Miss Woodhouse has been replaced by an android.

You have scenes such as this in episode 2 , where Harriet is trying to get Emma to acknowledge Mr. Elton calling after them as they walk past the vicarage, and Emma ignores her by mechanically continuing to talk, looking straight ahead with laser focus. Of course, Emma is intentionally ignoring Harriet because she wants Mr. Elton to follow them, but that wasn’t quite apparent to me until the end of her ramble – which I had assumed she was forced to complete due to some directive in her programming. I have more to say on her characterization, but we’ll get to that in a dedicated section of the review.

John Carson might actually be one of the better Knightley’s, but I’m sorry – at 45 he was just too old. This is something you can play around with in other characters (Mr. Weston and Miss Bates after all, have no stated ages in the book) but not only do we know how old Mr. Knightley is in the book, they state in the show that Emma is 21 (Doran Godwin was actually 28) and that Mr. Knightley is sixteen years older than her – 37 or 38 – and John Carson is CLEARLY no 38. This obviously-over-forty appearance does have an effect on how I view his banter with Emma, and it’s more avuncular than the older-brother feel that Mr. Knightley and Emma should have.

Whether by direction or actor’s choice, Carson’s Mr. Knightley speaks in a way that just doesn’t feel period to me. He has a very sort of 20th Century, stock British, hearty-good-fellow manner, that dates this adaptation pretty badly and feels old-fashioned (but not in a Regency/Georgian way) even in the 70’s.

Sets & Surroundings

Normally at this point in the review I would talk about the British manor houses and estates used and how they measure up to the book descriptions but the publicly funded BBC ran on a much tighter budget in the 70’s (apparent in the production values and number of obviously bad takes that they just decided to leave in, in everything they made) and as such they couldn’t afford to film in and rent out large estates quite as much, so this has the trademark 70’s/80’s BBC sound-stage quality of all of their other productions of the period. That said, this production actually has some of the better sets I’ve seen and that’s saying something, for being made in the 70’s. The walls didn’t actually shake when doors were closed, and it didn’t feel as stagey as some other Austen serials of the time. (This doesn’t improve the very “on-cue” acting in the series, but I have to give credit where it’s due.) I believe they may used a real manor house for the exterior of Hartfield (and not a landscape pastel) and maybe some of the interiors too? I can’t say for sure, and I would love to tell you what house and where it is but I can’t find any credits on it. I’ll just say that I think it’s very suitable and leave it at that.

Costumes

Much like today, the BBC almost exclusively used, re-used and rented costumes for their period productions. Almost every costume in this series was also used in the 70’s and 80’s BBC productions of Sense and Sensibility, Mansfield Park, and Pride and Prejudice (P&P being the overwhelming common denominator – almost every one of Emma’s evening dresses and pelisses was seen, primarily on Caroline Bingley.) Some of the shawls have been picked out in BBC Austens as recently as 2008.

For being made in the 70’s the costumes in this production are really kind of nice. They don’t date themselves too badly. The ones that do feel 70’s retro, in fact, were mostly styles borrowed from period accurate fashions that just happened to coincide with contemporary 70’s tastes, and which aren’t often used in Regency costumes today because, well they don’t coincide with our modern tastes. For the most part, they look well-made (although some of them do have that stiff, dingy polyester look to them and there are definitely some plastic pearls here and there).

I’m quite pleased with the silhouettes which don’t suffer from Square Bust/Boob Droop syndrome the way the 1980 P&P does. All of the assets seem to be lifted and shifted in the right places.

Daywear

I like Emma’s blue day dress the best of all her day-wear looks. It’s a rich color and has pleated cups (Also on her white day dress) which is a style I really love.

Emma wears the gauzy… let’s be kind and say ivory instead of “Yellowish” ruff during the day A LOT (Emma Pic 2). It’s a popular look on Jane Fairfax too (Jane Pic 2) and I just… I don’t like it. Not that it’s not period appropriate (because it unfortunately is) it just makes them look like Dr. Seuss characters to me, especially worn with short sleeves which is something these dramas do a lot and I hate it. It just makes the person in question look very awkwardly disproportionate to me, especially because. if they had long sleeves to go with it (which would be more correct from a historical authenticity standpoint) it would even it out so much better. Compare Jane and Emma to see what I mean. The single layer ruffle (Emma Pic 1) is much more agreeable to me. (I wanna point out that Jane wears the same green dress without any partlet or undersleeves for strawberry picking at Donwell, which is blatant Eveningwear-For-Daywear™ and looked really out of place since everyone else was wearing day-appropriate attire).

Emma’s wider, cuffed, long sleeves and Mrs. Elton’s puffy segmented Renaissance sleeves are exactly what I mean about period accurate styles that suit the 70’s in a way that they just don’t jive today. Even Harriet gets some.

Mrs. Elton Orange ™ is another crayon color Crayola should consider I think.

Harriet gets stuck with a lot of brown outer wear but her day clothes are otherwise pretty nice. I especially like the ivory and blue number (Bottom right) and her white day dress with blue accents (Top right) which I think is the nicest thing she wears in this whole series. 

Evening Wear

Emma’s evening wear confines itself pretty exclusively to cool purples and blues except for her white ball gown. I find this interesting because other versions tend to dress Emma in warmer colors and pinks (As I’m very partial to purples and blues, I love all of them). I can’t say it’s inconsistent with Emma’s cold characterization in this version. Mrs. Weston’s evening gowns are uniformly amazing. I especially love her blue party dress, which is my favorite in the series.

Both of Harriet’s party dresses are characteristically pretty and girlish. The pink is a bit fussy for me but I love the blue one (which has a lot more detail but I couldn’t get a full length shot of it.)

I’m pleased that Jane is given a bit of a break from the Jane Fairfax Blue ™ trope with her evening wear. She has one light blue evening gown and gets a few green numbers, most notable being her mint ball gown. Her beige party dress is absolutely tragic though.

Mrs. Elton’s evening color seems to be chartreuse (Which I think was also the case in the ITV version? ITV fans back me up.) Her black overlay/spiky number is iconic of the Austen Bad Girl, but her ball gown is a bit disappointing in its simplicity to me.

I would love to have seen a full length shot of Isabella’s black and purple number because I have a suspicion THAT would have been my favorite but I just can’t make out enough detail on it.

Zig-zag patterns on the skirt are a huge theme in this version, which is so of the period. Mrs. Cole (shout out to another future Are You Being Served? familiar, Hilda Fenemore) looks straight out of a fashion plate in her dark green party dress, which has (drumroll please…) a padded hem! 

Outerwear

This version has SO MANY PELISSES AND REDINGOTES. Are they all nice? No. No they are not; I particularly hate Emma’s fugly salmon number that she wears for Strawberry picking/Box Hill. Mostly because she looks SO over-dressed compared to everyone else who’s wearing loose fitting light clothes (except Jane, who’s wearing an evening dress). Just looking at her makes me hot. I’m also NOT a huge fan of her pink winter cloak. The one trimmed with… faux ermine? One can only assume. It looks awfully tacky.

That russet pelisse tho! This is one of my all-time favorites. It’s SO. PRETTY and so detailed (See this number on Jane in P&P ’80). I think her gray fur-trimmed pelisse is pretty fabulous too, but I do not like the hat she wears with it. The brim is kind of a funky shape to me.

I know I’ve criticized brown before, but I do like it in moderation and this version is astonishingly brown-free for being made in the 70’s, so I really like her red/brown velvet spencer, especially with the cream dress and gloves, and her hat has some amazing decoration.

Jane and Mrs. Weston are the only other characters who get pelisses/redingotes. I’m not a fan of Mrs. Weston’s fuchsia number, and while I like Jane’s, it does put itself solidly in the Jane Fairfax Blue™ category.  

Harriet gets pretty much only one form of outer-wear, her brown school cloak (a different brown school cloak from the one in the ‘97 version, in case you were wondering) and while it’s pretty dull, it’s hardly unexpected. Here it is paired with her rather ugly blue bonnet, with yellow ribbon. The bonnet features heavily in this episode.

To be honest for the most part I totally forgot about the… 

because a lot of it is very standard. No dandy standouts here, but overall it’s pretty okay and I’m really pleased to say that there are no bib-cravats. That’s not usually so much a problem in Regency Era stuff (Since ruffles were going out at around this time), but you can really distinctly see that the ruffles (where ruffles there are – usually on older men which is good) are part of the shirt and distinctly separate from the cravat. Also there are LOTS of high collars and they’re not comically high to the point where they get wrinkled, like they were in Emma. (2020), so points for that also. These are the screencaps I gathered going back over it for posterity.

Mr. Knightley doesn’t really get a lot of cool outfits. His best is his purple velvet evening jacket which somehow manages to not look ostentatious (but is his only dress jacket), and his gold-topped Prussian boots (which you should just be able to see bottom right.) The worst though… I’m sorry, (looks up costumer’s name) Joan Ellacott – do you really expect me to feel the weight of Emma’s cock-ups when Mr. Knightley is rebuking her in such a cartoonishly proportioned top hat? It’s like being scolded by the Mad Hatter. All of the men’s hats are pretty flared in this series too, and I’m not totally sure but, I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that flared top hats are not right for this period?

I think Mr. Weston only has one day outfit (which, in keeping with his characterization is pretty farmer-chic) and one evening outfit. Frank’s dark green day-jacket is a pretty standard look on him and I don’t think we get a fresh look until his fabulous blue jacket/yellow waistcoat combo that he wears for Strawberry Picking/Box Hill. I believe his evening jacket is also dark green but it was tough to tell. Again I think he has only one set of evening-wear. I would expect Frank to have more, since he’s such a dandy.

Mr. John Knightley doesn’t have much to write home about in terms of evening kit, but DAYUM, his blue traveling coat is DOOOOOPE. 

Let’s Talk Script

This adaptation was directed by John Glenister and Dramatized by Denis Constanduros.

Now I’ve seen a lot of positive reviews for this on IMDB calling it the… let’s see here… “The best Emma I’ve ever seen” and “The most true to the novel”… *Takes off spectacles and sighs heavily* I’m afraid I have to disagree. Several people also really love Doran Godwin’s Emma (We’ve already gone over why I don’t, and I have also seen reviews that name her and her lack of charisma as the main sticking point preventing them from really enjoying it, so I’m not alone). I’ve also heard it described as “sensitively handled” “Intimate” and “The most faithful to the spirit of Austen” and so forth, and again maybe it’s that prejudice against the stagey production and… no there’s definitely some other reason I have a problem with this version.

Let me make this clear – I don’t totally hate it, and I’m not here to shame the people who really love this version. Once again – if this version gives you what you want from the story I think that’s great for you. I, myself, like it pretty well and I think it’s one of the better early BBC Austen serials. It’s certainly not boring; but I do want to go over some of the changes that were made and choices in the script.

Some of them aren’t really that egregious, but they’re annoying in that I think they didn’t need to be made and don’t really add anything. Characters being added to scenes where they didn’t need to be and written out of scenes where their presence was missed. Like writing Mr. Elton out of Box Hill (And really the whole second half of the series, to facilitate Mrs. Elton flirting with Knightley), and adding Miss Bates into the after-dinner scene, I think at the Randalls Christmas party? I’m sure this was done for expediency but you have six episodes. It’s not as though you’re strapped for time.

Particularly praised, as far as I’ve seen, is the scene at Christmas when Knightley and Emma make up after their argument over Harriet. It takes place in the nursery, which I suppose isn’t an unreasonable place for Emma to be fawning over her niece (in the dramatization she seems to have been feeding the baby, where in the book she is playing with her). The book doesn’t specify where the scene takes place, although I assumed it to be a downstairs room, and I’m not sure that it’s entirely appropriate for Emma and a man (even one connected to her family through marriage) to be alone in an upstairs room together with the door closed and no more chaperone than a baby. But in spite of this, perhaps inappropriate, level of privacy, the scene feels less intimate to me than the book, where in the course of the conversation, where Mr. Knightley takes the baby from Emma “in the manner of perfect amity” and holds her himself and it is very adorable and sweet. In the dramatization, Knightley sort of just stands next to Emma’s chair and leans down a bit. After this conversation in the book, John comes into the room to talk to George, while in the show Emma puts the baby in the cradle and they leave the room to go downstairs.

But there are more outstanding changes that just feel wrong to me. When confronting Emma about her meddling in Harriet’s response to Mr. Martin’s proposal, Constanduros changes “What is the foolish girl about?” to “What is the stupid girl about?” it’s not that big a change, but it makes Mr. Knightley sound unnecessarily mean.

I’ve already mentioned the, er, additions regarding Mr. Weston’s dialogue and Mrs. Elton, and Jane shouting at Miss Bates; but by far the biggest, worst additions were made with Emma. The worst, I think, is the handling of this scene in Episode 4 when Harriet is feeling heartsick following Mr. Elton’s marriage.

And for those of you who don’t wanna follow the link, here’s a transcription:

Emma: Now Harriet! Your allowing yourself to become so upset over Mr. Elton’s marriage is the strongest possible reproach you could make to me!

Harriet: Miss Woodhouse –

Emma: Yes it is! You could not more constantly remind me of the mistake I made, which is most hurtful!

Harriet: Oh Miss Woodhouse, it was not intended to be!

Emma: I have not said “think and talk less of Mr. Elton” for my sake, Harriet, because it is for yours I wish it. My being hurt is a very… secondary consideration, but please, please Harriet, do learn to exert a little more self-discipline in this matter.

Harriet: {Looks down} Yes, Miss Woodhouse.

Emma: We are all creatures of feeling; we all suffer disappointments, it is how we learn to suffer them that forms our character. If you continue in this way, Harriet, I shall think you wanting in true friendship for me!  

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse! You, who are the best friend I’ve ever had? Oh what a horrid, horrid wretch I’ve been!”

Emma: Oh now Harriet – (She’s gonna console her now, right?)

Harriet: Oh yes, I have, I have!

Emma: Harriet, control yourself! (ha ha bitch, u thought) Now, you will tie your bonnet, and you are coming with me to call on Mr. And Mrs. Elton at the Vicarage…

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse –

Emma: Yes you are! And I’m sure you will find it far less distressing than you think.

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse, must I?

Emma: Yes, Harriet; but you may borrow my lace ruff if you wish.

Harriet: Oh may I, Miss Woodhouse? Oh, thank you!

(Look how evil she looks! She looks like she’s planning on baking Harriet into a pie!)

While this scene is in the book and much of the dialogue is also from the book, it’s the lines that were added that stick out to me. Emma does tell Harriet that her allowing herself to become upset over the Eltons is a reproach on Emma more than anything else and reminds her miserably of the “Mistake [Emma] fell into” but from this point, the script takes a left turn from the firm but kind appeal to Harriet to move on for both her happiness and Emma’s own comfort, to a far more manipulative strain.

Even after Harriet apologizes, she goes from simply appealing to Harriet to let herself move on, to basically telling her that she’s a bad friend. She treats Harriet like she’s unreasonable for feeling this way, where in the book Emma is very understanding and feels that “she could not do too much for her; that Harriet had every right to all her ingenuity and patience…” and only after Harriet goes all afternoon with Emma soothing her and no improvement in her spirits does Emma take any kind of reproachful tack whatsoever.

    In this scene, Emma says that her own happiness is a secondary consideration (this is stressed much more in the book) but from the way she says it, it seems more like she just wants Harriet to shut up about it rather than actually meaning it. (This is a very prominent example of Emma’s not seeming to really like Harriet at all in this version, only tolerating her presence.)

AND THEN she does something which Emma in the book most certainly did NOT do and forces Harriet to come with her to visit the Eltons, as if to put her on the spot and test how good a little friend she will be. I can’t express how disgusted I am by the changes and interpretation here. This is the culmination of the general through-line of Emma’s manipulative characterization being taken to an extreme. She looms over Harriet sounding, by turns, like a school marm and a saccharine nanny. She’s like a (very) low budget version of Tilda Swinton as the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia. 

My question about all of these changes is simply: Why? They don’t improve the story or the characters. They’re not big, but a lot of them just strike me as weird and unnecessary, but I guess there’s no accounting for artistic license.  

Final Thoughts

So is it a faithful adaptation? I often find this a more complex question to answer for myself than one would think, since inflection and line delivery and even, at some points, intention behind what the characters say tends to be up to the interpretation of the person reading the book.

Is the dialogue faithful? Other than the many changes I’ve mentioned (and the numerous cuts and edits I didn’t – and besides no screenplay can be 100% faithful), for the most part yes.

Are the characters accurate to description / faithful in their portrayal – again this tends to be subjective and opinions vary. In my opinion, Emma is not. I’ve mentioned that Knightley is too old, and Emma not only seems more intentionally manipulative than I believe she’s meant to be, and also just does not seem 21. She acts and looks like a much older woman, especially when preaching at Harriet) but she’s also very gawky, and Emma is supposed to look very healthy and glowing.

So my book accuracy rating meets in the middle at a 4.5. It’s NOT the most faithful adaptation I’ve seen, nor is it the most fun or the most intimate, but it’s not totally a travesty either and there are good things in it, even with a robot witch playing the main lead.

Ribbon Rating: Tolerable (43 Ribbons )

Tone: 4

Casting: 5 (Witchy automaton Doran Goodwin plays opposite avuncular good-fellow John Carson. Fiona Walker stands out as Mrs. Elton.)

Acting: 5 (Doran Goodwin is by turns crazed and mechanical with some momentary touches of what might be actual emotion. Raymond Adamson way over-acts Mr. Weston as a hobbeldy-hoi, verging on uncouth.)

Scripting: 4

Pacing: 4

Cinematography: 4 (A bump up from the usual 1 or 2 for TV dramas of the time. Surprisingly less stagey than expected.)

Sets and Settings: 5

Costumes: 7 (Very clearly of the 70’s but drawing on perfectly accurate styles that jived well with contemporary taste)

Music: 1 (Plinky, poorly played piano music. Only used for intro and outro I think? Jane Fairfax can neither play nor sing.)

Book Accuracy: 5 (They changed a lot of small details. Lines are changed unnecessarily (Calling Harriet “Stupid” rather than “Foolish” – Why?) Mrs. Elton seems to have a thing for Knightley? People present when they shouldn’t be, others absent when they should be present, again without any apparent reason.)

[pi-creates]

are there any physical details you've noticed abt some characters that most ppl probably don't know?

Physical details? Hmm... I’m not really sure. There is  a couple of things that I just find interesting even though they aren’t mentioned much, and there’s some weird animation things, as well as a few oddities in the models/textures or files sometimes.

The closest thing I can think of is how we all can see Marlon’s light, patchy facial hair - but Omar has a little bit of that too, it’s just not as clear. You can see it more obviously in the texture files, but not so much in game.

Also, the texture files for Clem’s full arms are in the game, they just don’t ever load since her arms aren’t modelled above the wrist. Which means that she does have the dog scar and the A New Frontier brand, and if she theoretically had a different set of upper body files we might have been able to see those. I really wish we actually did get that, I wanted a moment where Clem can explain why she was scared of Rosie and show the dog bite.

Then there’s a more obvious thing that I just don’t hear brought up much - Willy has that little holster on the back of his belt and I don’t think we ever see it be used. I’m not entirely sure if that’s meant to be for a gun, knife, or even something for the archery bows, but it still feels odd to me that he wears that constantly but we never see its use. And if that is a gun holster... I can only wonder why he has that and if the school did have a gun at some point before Clem and AJ brought one in.

There’s also the thing where AJ has multiple “lower body” files, which is basically the pants and shoes. The second model I have actually swapped in before because I didn’t understand why there were two files - and instead of it being AJ’s normal appearance, it’s AJ with his handgun tucked into the waistband on the back of his pants. I don’t recall when that model actually appears in the game, he usually just puts his hand behind his back and spawns the gun. I dunno, I thought it was a nice model and I don’t know why it wasn’t used (or used more obviously if I’m just missing it).

This is an animation thing and a bit of a weird one, but I always notice how Violet never closes her eyes for any of the kisses. Which I personally find quite unnerving, but you don’t always get to see her eyes in the kisses so it is only really noticeable when you change the angles.

And there’s the weird thing were they, uhh, modelled newborn AJ completely in season 2, if you know what I mean. I don’t quite understand why they put that detail in, it seems like more effort on the modellers part for something they probably never intended to be seen. I don’t think anyone would have complained about Sims-esque, smooth, mannequin bodies.

That’s all I can really think of at the moment, it honestly get a little hard to keep track on what is and isn’t noticeable in normal gameplay after I’ve seen so much more of it with freecam.

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

Tumblr tag || Also on AO3

Chapter 43: Jon

There aren’t words to describe what being home feels like.

It’s not just the four walls of the house they’ve bought together, or the warmth and beauty of a March sunset, or the sounds of a London evening. It’s Charlie flying down the sidewalk to attack Jon with a hug and a bright smile and a flurry of words about how much they’ve all missed him and then coming back two hours later, pleased as Punch and bearing a “welcome home” cake he baked himself. It’s Sasha calling, not texting, to tell Tim she’s home safe and then asking to talk to Jon so they can reassure each other that they’re both okay. It’s Martin gently tending to the marks on his wrists and ankles, still raw from his desperate attempts to pull free before his strength started to desert him, and singing the song he remembers from when he was a little boy and his father came back from a voyage. It’s Tim cooking Jon’s favorite dinner, but serving him in small helpings so that he doesn’t overstretch his stomach after two weeks while still making sure he eats his fill. It’s the cool, clean sheets and the thick, warm quilt and the weight and security of Tim and Martin on either side of him as he falls asleep, and it’s Tim and Martin soothing and reassuring him, as much with their presence as with any actual words, when he wakes up screaming in the middle of the night.

Going back to the Institute is harder than he would have thought. Only the fact that he knows he can’t be away from it for long gets him to go back—that and the fact that he can’t, won’t, leave his team alone to deal with Elias. Once there, though, he slips back into the routine easily enough. Despite Elias’s snide insinuations, the Archives ran fine without him, but he knows they’re glad to have him back.

They take Tuesday morning to regroup and plan. It’s all very well for both Elias and Jon Prime to tell them to find Gertrude’s notes, but Gertrude was, in Tim’s words, a paranoid old bitch, and it’s not likely that they’ll find a conspicuous notebook with detailed plans on how to stop the Unknowing. More likely that whatever they find will end up being more memory aids than anything, cryptic jottings that only mean something to Gertrude, and sussing it out won’t be easy. But it’s a place to start nevertheless, once they figure out where those notes are.

In the end, Tim and Martin take to looking through the shelves of statements—Tim looking for anything to do with the Stranger, Martin looking for a few of the tantalizing little threads they’ve noticed weaving through the tapestry of their database. Sasha attacks the filing cabinets, with the logic that Gertrude may have pretended to file something important. And Jon takes his counterpart’s advice and goes through his office.

It’s not like he doesn’t know what’s in all the drawers of his desk, but he does his due diligence, pulling everything out of each drawer, tapping for false backs or false bottoms. He does find, stuck in the back of the drawer where he keeps the spare statement forms, a creased and faded concert program printed on green stock from 2003; it doesn’t seem to have any immediate significance, though, so he sets it aside with the intention of looking into it later. Perhaps it’s simply a concert Gertrude attended that she enjoyed, but it might also be a clue to the Unknowing. He’ll have to research.

It isn’t until Wednesday morning that he finds the laptop, hidden along with a key under a floorboard that’s been creaky as long as he’s been working in the Archives. There are scratches on some of the floorboards that Jon’s always hoped aren’t fingernail marks, but several of them are loose and one of them levers up fairly easily, revealing Gertrude’s hidden stash. He digs around a bit but finds nothing else, only the laptop and the key. He sets both on his desk next to the concert program and goes to tell the others.

The laptop is dead, of course. Jon vaguely remembers seeing a charger for it when he was in Gertrude’s apartment, but he didn’t grab it then and it’s far too late to go back now. Luckily, Sasha’s laptop is almost the exact same model, so she simply swaps over the cable and lets it charge while they go over what they’ve found so far. Tim has three statements he thinks might be Stranger ones, but hasn’t looked at yet to be sure; Martin found a third statement involving the Daedalus, which Tim seems positive is a Dark statement, and another statement involving Salesa. Sasha hasn’t found anything in the filing cabinets—yet—but she does have Elias’ schedule, so they’re able to plan their briefings when they know they won’t be observed.

She also kindly hacks into Gertrude’s laptop for him, once it’s charged, and he spends most of Thursday painstakingly going through the files, emails, and Internet history. The latter is by far the most voluminous. It almost makes him laugh to discover the account name “grbookworm1818”—how had he not figured out that was Gertrude, attempting to buy Leitners? She seems to have obtained three, one of them being the copy of The Key of Solomon he found fragments of in the tunnels and the other two being ones he’s never seen or heard of. There are also purchase reports for Archival supplies, airline tickets and travel bookings, and sporadic but suspiciously large orders for petrol, lighter fluid, pesticides, and high-powered torches.

When he comes out of his office at the end of the day, eyes bleary and with no clear plan, he finds a number of dusty boxes scattered about and his assistants attempting to find space for them, but they refuse to tell him where they came from or what they’re for. The next morning, however, Martin and Tim usher him into one of the storage rooms they’ve never really got around to sorting out the second they arrive in the Archives. It’s completely empty, save a table, four chairs, a low set of shelves, a whiteboard, and a corkboard, to which Sasha is tacking a large map of the world. The shelves hold fourteen boxes of the kind designed to hold photographs, a large box of pushpins, three different-colored balls of string, and a laptop cord, ready and waiting.

“We thought we needed a war room,” Tim explains, obviously trying to fight back a grin. “You know, somewhere we can keep everything together and not…get mixed up with the rest of the work we’re doing.”

“Allegedly doing,” Sasha says over her shoulder. “I’m still not sure how much of this job is what was presented to us when we took it and how much is the sort of thing we’re doing right now…can one of you give me a hand here?” she adds as the upper corner of the map flops over onto her head, just above her outstretched hand. Tim comes over to assist.

Jon looks around, surprised and pleased, and opens his bag to pull out Gertrude’s laptop. “Why did you pick this room, out of curiosity?”

Martin pulls the door shut behind him. “The molding.”

“What?” Jon frowns at him.

Tim gives the map a firm stroke to smooth out any air bubbles and presses the pushpin deep into the cork, then turns to give Martin a warm, approving smile. “You know how Elias always seems to know what’s going on in the Archives whenever it’s least convenient for us? Martin realized why the other day.”

“It was an accident,” Martin insists, face turning slightly pink.

“It was brilliant.” Tim claps him on the shoulder. “Those fancy decorations at all the joins in the molding? You know, those elaborate carvings at the top of the fake columns and the corners of all the doorframes and whatnot?”

“Not…I’ve never paid much attention to them.” Jon’s only five foot seven, and since he’s never had to worry too much about clearance or anything like that he’s never really looked too much at anything over his head.

“It’s at the corners of all the shelves, too,” Martin offers. “At least the ones where the statements are stored, the ones that are pretty obviously original to the Institute. You know, with what looks like a medallion in the middle?”

Those Jon has seen. “It’s the Institute seal, isn’t it? Or the Magnus family crest?”

“That’s what I always thought, too, but Martin got a good look at one the other day while he was getting down a statement for me.” Sasha’s eyes sparkle behind her glasses, which instantly puts Jon on edge; these days, anything that excites Sasha is likely to have bad ramifications for them. “It’s an eye.”

“And if he can ‘see through any eye, real or image’…” Tim spreads his hands out invitingly.

Jon sets the laptop down harder than he probably should, eyes wide. “He’s been watching us through the moldings!”

“Yep. It’s anybody’s guess whether or not Gertrude knew about it. I ran it down right after I told them and got a lot of stammering and profanity. Although not from who you might expect,” Martin adds with just the tiniest bit of a smirk. Sasha practically cackles. “Anyway, this room doesn’t have anything like that, we double-checked. So we just…cleaned out all the stuff that was in here and set this up. Give us a bit of breathing room, anyway.”

“At least until Elias comes down to the Archives to figure out why he can’t see us easily,” Tim adds. “But, you know, it’s a head start.”

Jon is six inches shorter than Tim and a full nine inches shorter than Martin, so there’s no way to make it look less than deliberate if he attempts to give either one of them even the most casual kiss on the cheek, but good Lord, he wants to. Instead, he just beams at them both. “God, you’re brilliant. Right, let me get a cup of tea and we can get started.”

“I’m on it.” Martin slips out of the little room.

Sasha smirks at Jon behind Tim’s back, but he does his best to ignore her and focuses on the boxes. “What are these?”

“Tapes. We made copies of all the recordings we’ve done so far of the real statements and sorted them by which fear they belong to.” Sasha taps the lid of one of the boxes and indicates the label on the front. It’s a bright yellow set of concentric circles—no, Jon realizes, it’s a spiral. “Tim did the labels.”

Jon glances up at Tim, both impressed and worried. “You didn’t—”

“Nope.” Tim pulls out a box and shows him the label, simply the word US in a rich, vibrant green. “I don’t know how detailed the ‘image’ has to be, but I’m not risking it. Everything else I tried to do the symbols they described, or…something that made sense. Like antlers for the Hunt.”

“And the ink colors? Is that corresponding to—it’s not the labels we use.”

“No. Those are the colors I’m pretty sure the fears are.”

Martin comes back in with four mugs of tea. Jon takes his with a grateful smile. “Actually, let’s start there. We’ve never really talked about the colors, beyond…”

“What I told Elias,” Tim completes.

“And the little bit you described when you took a look at all of us.”

Tim takes his own mug from Martin, and for some reason Martin’s ears turn slightly pink. Jon’s distracted for a moment until Tim muses, “It’s…weird. Some of them are obvious. Like I said, it’s super obvious the Eye is green and the Stranger is indigo, because I saw that one at the Trophy Room with no other colors interfering. And the Corruption being yellow-green is obvious because of—”

“Me,” Martin finishes.

Tim nods. “And the Spiral being yellow—Christ, that door. The others I…sort of had to guess. Even with…you know…it was hard for me to suss out. The Eye is everywhere. Looking at him is like looking at the shelves in the Archives. The scars are pretty obvious, but not completely.” He frowns. “Like the Hunt and the Slaughter. They’re really close in color. I think the Slaughter’s got a bit more orange in it, the Hunt’s a true red, but especially under the cover of the Beholding, it’s hard to tell the difference. And, actually, sometimes it’s hard to tell the Stranger from the Web at a glance. I mean, until you really start looking at them. The Web is purple, so if it’s not by itself…I mean, it’s a subtle distinction.”

Jon glances uneasily at the carefully-inked purple spiderweb, then turns away. It still bothers him.

They manage to get nearly two hours into their discussion, moving from the colors to the Stranger threads they’ve picked up to what Jon’s gleaned from Gertrude’s laptop. Tim is just jabbing a pin into Nairobi on the map when Sasha stiffens and glances over her shoulder. “Incoming.”

Jon’s about to ask what she’s talking about when the door opens and Elias pokes his head in with a patently false smile. “Knock, knock.”

Tim and Martin make nearly identical noises of frustration. Jon clasps his hands behind his back and gives Elias his best I’m-annoyed-at-being-interrupted-but-you’re-my-superior-so-I’ll-be-polite look, which is only partly put-on. “Can we help you, Elias?”

“I simply wanted to see how you were progressing with finding out about the Unknowing.” Elias looks around the room with interest, and Jon has to work hard to use the tricks Jon Prime has been teaching him to keep his excitement from being obvious. Martin and Tim are right; Elias can’t see into this room. “What have you uncovered so far?”

Jon is immensely proud of his team. They manage to weave an incredibly tight explanation of how much they’ve learned, within limits, that doesn’t let on how much information they were given ahead of time, listing steps without revealing that anything other than chance led them to it. Elias completely acts the part of the mildly interested academic and bureaucrat, but he’s also obviously fishing for information. Martin does a masterful job of acting like he’s falling directly into Elias’ traps while neatly sidestepping them, Tim cracks jokes at the appropriate times to distract him while putting just enough bite into them that Elias will assume they’re simply angry and sarcastic jabs, and Sasha throws a flurry of technical terms into the discussion that are certainly relevant to the topic at hand but serve to make Elias change the tack of his questioning. Like Jon, she knows the value of a well-placed info dump.

There is no redirecting him from the map, however. While he must have known about Gertrude’s travels, at least in a general sense, it’s clear he knew little about her actual movements. Jon masks his reluctance with annoyance and gives Elias a clipped version of his findings.

“Is there any significance to the colors of pins you have used?” he asks, gesturing to the map, where they’ve been marking out Gertrude’s travels. “Or is it random? Or for the…aesthetic?”

“We were trying to do it by what year she took the trip, but we only have so many colors,” Jon answers. “We’ve just switched over. Red are trips that were very definitely expensed back to the Institute, white are ones that were not, and yellow are the ones where we aren’t quite sure.”

“Mm…Gertrude did request a rather high travel budget, comparatively. Of course, if the Archivist job was as simple as it is in other institutions, she would have required no travel whatsoever, but in her capacity to stop the rituals…” Elias seems particularly fascinated by the pin on Beijing. “Why is this one in blue?”

“We just haven’t swapped the pin over yet. That’s one of the last trips we have a record of in Gertrude’s laptop.” Tim tilts his head at Jon. “From, what, six months before she died?”

“Closer to nine. Actually, Martin, can you change that one out, please?” Jon gestures at the box. “It’s a yellow one, I think.”

Martin mumbles an excuse me and switches out the pin. Elias purses his lips thoughtfully. “I don’t recall there being a ritual anywhere near Beijing at the time. What could have sent her there?”

“No idea. What’s bothering me is that we don’t know where she went from there.”

That draws Elias’ attention away from the map and back to Jon. “Surely she came back to London.”

“No.” Jon folds his arms over his chest. “Or at least, not that we can find. As I said, we’re largely tracing these trips from booking confirmations sent to Gertrude’s email address, and she largely purchased one-way tickets. Her last flight purchased out of London was to Paris, and then she booked a flight from Paris to Beijing. From there…I don’t know. I suppose she was buying tickets as she went along. It’s not like her credit card statements list where the flights went, only what airlines she flew and when she purchased the tickets. No hotel accommodations, though. Doubtless she paid cash, or else Gerard paid for those.”

“Gerard?” Elias says with interest. “Gerard Keay? Who told you he was traveling with Gertrude?”

Panic strikes Jon. Most likely it’s something he gleaned from Jon Prime—but on the other hand, did the Primes actually mention that? Flustered, he stammers, “I—someone must have—”

“No, no one told you. You Knew.” Elias sounds delighted.

“I probably just—gleaned it from the statements.” Jon glances at the shelves.

“No, Jon, this is a good thing. You’re getting stronger! It’s one thing to be able to—” Elias gestures vaguely and almost dismissively at Tim and Martin “—glean something from somebody in the room, but just Knowing something like that, that’s a big step.”

He sounds like a proud father, and it makes Jon feel incredibly uncomfortable. He balls his hands into fists, gathering up the cuffs of the sweater he definitely didn’t steal from either Tim or Martin, to stop himself from reaching out to one of them for protection. It’s stupid. Elias won’t hurt him, not here, not now; he needs him too much. He knows he’s safe. It just feels…dangerous, and he wants them to make him feel safer. Rather than risk Elias knowing how much he depends on them and doing something about it, he grips the sweater.

Elias practically beams at him. “It seems to me your next step should be obvious.”

“It should?”

“You should start retracing her steps. Are her notes from this trip on there?”

“Ah—no.”

“Then you’ll need to go where she was. Find out where she stayed, what she did.” Elias clasps his hands behind his back. “Where she went from there. How soon do you think you can leave?”

Jon blinks. This is going a bit faster than he expected. He turns to Tim and Martin. “Do you two have a passport?”

Martin looks a bit stunned. “N-no, I’ve never—never needed one?”

“Mine’s still in good standing,” Tim answers. “But if Martin needs one, that’d be—what, four weeks, at a minimum?”

“Jon, I asked when you would be able to leave,” Elias says, mildly enough but with a bit of steel behind it. “Your assistants need to stay here. We do need to get all of this straightened out still, and there’s research that needs to be done from here. You can relay whatever information you find back to the Archives, and I’m sure they can assist you if needed, but really, the Institute can’t spare the funds to reimburse more than one of you for an extended trip.”

Jon is pretty sure that’s a lie, but he knows Elias won’t reimburse them, and he also knows that neither Tim nor Martin can actually afford to pay their own way to come along, not with the house payments and Martin’s mother’s medical bills. He sighs heavily and fights to maintain eye contact with Elias. “I can get a flight out Sunday night or Monday morning.”

“Monday will be fine,” Elias says without batting an eyelash. Jon knows Sunday, statistically speaking, is the most expensive day to fly, so anything to save the Institute a few pence, he supposes. “Well, it seems you’ve all done marvelously well. I think you all deserve to take a half-day today. With pay. Finish up what you need to do here, and you can leave at twelve. Jon, do keep me appraised of your flight information.” He flashes them an absolutely terrifying smile, turns on his heel, and leaves the room.

The second the door shuts behind him, Jon sags, bracing himself against the table. “God.”

Sasha collapses into a chair, looking absolutely wiped out. “Tell me about it.”

“Hold on.” Martin picks up Jon’s mug, then Sasha’s, and slips out of the room.

Tim tentatively reaches out and touches Jon’s arm. “Sit down before you fall down. You look almost as bad as she does.”

“I’m all right.” Jon sits down anyway, grateful for Tim’s concern.

A phone buzzes from somewhere; Jon instinctively reaches for his pocket before remembering that he hasn’t replaced it yet. He spent longer than he should have trying to resurrect his shattered phone after Martin silently handed him its remains, but finally had to give up. “Is that yours, Tim?”

“No, I think it’s Martin’s.”

With that rare sort of timing that almost never happens, Martin comes back in, bearing two brimming mugs of tea; he hands one to Sasha, then one to Jon. He has to bend over to do it, and Jon brushes a quick kiss against his cheek as it comes past before he loses his nerve, then tries to play it off like he didn’t notice he did it. “Your phone went off.”

Martin’s ears are pink, and he goes to pick up his phone rather quickly. He actually snorts with laughter and shakes his head, a slightly amused smile on his face as he taps out a reply.

“Everything okay?” Tim asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, it’s from Melanie. Just says ‘Jet lag sucks balls.’ I’m guessing she’s back in town.” Martin slips his phone into his pocket and sighs. “What do we do now?”

“Unfortunately,” Jon mutters, “I think we do what Elias said. Finish up what we’re doing here, and leave early.” He looks over at Sasha. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Sasha manages a smile that even Jon can tell is fake, then drops it immediately and sighs. “I was trying to keep on top of how much he knew, or thought we knew. It’s a weird sort of balancing act…thing. Like keeping just the right tension on a rope.”

“Sasha.” Martin sounds upset. “You were reading his mind?”

“Just—skimming the surface,” Sasha protests.

Jon sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You have to stop doing that. I know it’s tempting. God knows I know that. But you can’t just—and you knew he was coming. Was that intentional?”

“Sort of. It’s not like I’m constantly trying to read his mind or whatever, but…I don’t know. I just got a sense of…something.”

“All right, Gwen Stacey,” Tim says with a smirk. “Jon’s right, though, you’ve got to quit feeding it or it’s going to start feeding on you.”

Sasha sighs heavily. “I’m…trying to try.”

“Well, it’s a start.” Jon takes a sip of tea.

They get the room straightened up, then head back into the Archives. Martin keeps periodically replying to text messages on his phone, but the others don’t ask. It’s not until Jon, having brought his laptop out to join the others, is finalizing his booking that he frowns at his screen and looks up at the others. “Melanie wants to know if the rest of you’d like to join us for lunch, seeing as we’ve got the afternoon off and everything.”

Jon hesitates. On the one hand, he’d like to decline; he and Melanie tend to prick at each other whenever they interact, despite his best intentions. On the other hand, he admittedly wants to spend as much time with Tim and Martin as he can before he leaves on this trip. Heaven knows how long he’ll be gone and he’ll miss them, he knows that.

“If I’m included in that,” he says at last, “I’d be honored.”

They lock up at twelve and head to the pub Jon has begun to think of as “theirs”, even though they don’t go often. It’s cool and overcast, and there are definite signs it rained earlier, most notably the worms on the sidewalk. Jon notices Martin carefully avoiding treading on them and reaches over to take his hand comfortingly just as Tim throws his arm around his shoulders from the other side. It makes Sasha laugh, which makes them laugh, too, and at least gets Martin to stop watching his feet.

Pat waves when they come in and gestures to one of the tables, and Martin steps forward with a warm smile as Melanie King rises from a chair and meets him with a hug that would probably make Jon jealous if he didn’t know Martin was gay, and also if he had any right to be jealous. “God, it is…surprisingly good to see you.”

Martin huffs a laugh. “I’m not sure how to take that.”

Melanie actually laughs and gives Martin a friendly punch on the arm. Martin laughs in earnest as he reels back in an exaggerated manner, rubbing at his arm. “Ow! Hey, I need that!”

“Sure.” Melanie turns and offers Sasha a smile and her hand. “Sasha, good to see you.”

“Good to see you, too.” Sasha shakes her hand, then turns slightly. “Sorry, don’t think we’ve met.”

Jon turns, too, and his brain pulls up short. She’s changed up her hairstyle and shed her glasses, there’s a tattoo peeking out from under the collar of her t-shirt, and he’s pretty sure there are a couple additional holes in her ears, but the smile is unmistakable to someone who’s spent six years running from it.

“Georgie,” he stammers.

Georgie Barker’s smile gets a bit more uncertain, but there’s at least no hostility in her eyes. “Jon, hello. I didn’t expect to see you.”

“I, ah—” Jon gestures vaguely, either at Martin or at Melanie, he’s not sure which.

Melanie shrugs. “I did say the invitation was open to everyone. Kind of didn’t expect you to accept, to be honest, but—”

“Frankly, it’s been a shit month and we’re an all-or-nothing deal right now,” Martin says. He looks slightly quizzical and slightly worried as he eyes Georgie. “I—did I talk to you on the phone once?”

“Right, introductions. Georgie Barker, Martin Blackwood, Sasha James, and—” Melanie waves at Tim. “I actually haven’t got a clue who you are.”

“There are some who call me….Tim?” Tim quips with an arch of the eyebrows.

It’s the right thing to say to diffuse the tension, especially as Melanie and Martin both let out exaggerated groans as Georgie, who consumed every bit of media even vaguely associated with Arthurian legend during a time when she was obsessed enough to qualify as a minor expert on the subject, bursts into laughter. The six of them arrange themselves around the table as Pat brings over a tray of pints, then takes their food orders and heads off to get them together.

Martin takes a sip of his pint and evidently starts to speak three times before saying in a carefully neutral voice, “I hope you had a…successful trip.”

Melanie lifts an eyebrow at him. “You were a lot less cagey before. Is it them?”

“No, I’m a bit tired,” Martin says. “Like I said, it’s been…a lot.” He hesitates, glancing at Georgie for a brief second, then evidently gives up. “Remember how I said we all had…weird stuff we could do? My thing is that I can make people answer questions when I ask them. And if I’m tired or not really paying attention, sometimes I do it without meaning to, and that’s not fair to you.”

“I don’t believe you.” Melanie folds her arms over her chest. “Prove it.”

Martin hesitates. “Okay, um…what made you so upset when I asked if you wanted to come to lunch with me when we met?”

“If you weren’t a bloke, you’d be exactly my type and I had just a second where I wondered if I was actually a lesbian,” Melanie answers automatically, then blinks. “Fuck.”

Martin’s face catches fire. Tim grins and winks. “That just proves you’ve got taste.”

“Yeah, well, still.” Melanie presses her lips tightly together. “S’pose I can’t get too mad. I did tell you to prove it. Not your fault I didn’t actually expect it to work.” She snorts. “Successful? Yeah, I guess. I found out what I went to find out. And I didn’t die, so…promise kept?” She shrugs. “I owe you the whole story, but maybe not here.”

“Come by the Institute on Monday,” Sasha offers. “We can get your statement—oh, right.” She looks at Jon. “That okay with you?”

“No, that’s fine. Ah, take your pick on who you want to tell it to,” Jon says to Melanie, indicating the other three. “I promise you don’t have to deal with me.”

“I don’t mind all that much,” Melanie says with a sideways glance at Georgie. “You’re not…actually that bad to talk to. At least you’re trying not to be a prick.”

Georgie turns a laugh into a cough. Jon studiously avoids looking at her. “Thank you, I think, but I didn’t mean that in a ‘you can choose to talk to someone else’ way. I meant that as in ‘I’m leaving on a business trip Monday morning, so I won’t even be there.’”

“A business trip—for an Archivist? What, are you going to the Library of Alexandria or something?”

“No, the last one blew that up,” Tim says under his breath.

Jon kicks Tim under the table. “Beijing. My…predecessor traveled there some time before her death, but she didn’t leave any notes behind on what she may have learned there. So, lucky me, I get to follow behind her and try to pick up a three-year-old trail.”

“You can’t tell me the idea of piecing together something like that doesn’t appeal to you,” Georgie says, sounding amused. “What’s your—hang on, what was it called—your PFX count these days?”

“I haven’t—yes, all right, I suppose the idea of the hunt’s not altogether unwelcome,” Jon admits. “I just…would really rather not be doing it right now. For God’s sake, I only just got back from my last—unexpected absence.”

Martin’s hand tightens on his glass. Tim takes a huge swallow of his. Georgie looks back and forth between the two of them, then frowns at Jon. “So why are you leaving so quickly? If it’s been three years, it’s not like the clues are going anywhere.”

“Yes, but the situation is…somewhat time-sensitive.”

“Critical,” Martin supplies.

“Life-or-death, you might say,” Tim offers.

Georgie’s frown deepens. “You’re an Archivist. Which I’m still wrapping my brain around, by the way. You were a researcher, Jon. I know you don’t just have a degree in library science lying around.”

“No,” Jon says with a sigh. “The Archives at the Magnus Institute are…interesting, let’s put it that way. Library training in the actual Archivist is surprisingly less important than you might think. Besides, we have Martin, and what he doesn’t know about organizing and categorizing isn’t worth knowing.”

“Christ.” Martin buries his face one hand. Both Sasha and Melanie snicker at him. If the two of them are going to be friends, Jon thinks, God help them all.

Only Georgie can manage to frown while simultaneously arching an eyebrow in a knowing fashion. Jon tries very hard to pretend he doesn’t understand what she thinks she knows. “So you have a degree in library science.”

“No,” Martin says, voice still muffled by his palm. “I don’t have a degree. But I worked in the library at the Institute for ten years before I got assigned to the Archives, so I kind of know what I’m doing.”

“Right. Still. What do you have to do, as an Archivist, in China, that is life or death?”

Protect my team, Jon wants to say but doesn’t. The ritual, according to the Primes, can’t succeed; Orsinov’s Unknowing will collapse on itself. They’re probably going to try to stop it anyway, because he doesn’t doubt that Orsinov will survive the ritual’s failure and try again, and they can’t let anyone else fall prey to that. This world tour, retracing Gertrude’s steps, won’t give them any information to help them with that. But Elias doesn’t know they know that, and Jon can’t risk what he might do to the people he loves if he doesn’t obey orders.

“It’s…a long story,” he tries.

Georgie shrugs. “I’ve done my recordings for the week and I’ve got plenty of time for editing. And I thought you got off early today.”

Pat turns up then with everyone’s lunch. Jon waits until he heads back behind the bar to say, “I don’t…know where to begin, honestly. Trust me when I say it’s all pretty unbelievable.”

“You’re an archivist. We left believable behind a while ago.”

“Ha, ha.” Jon gives Georgie his best glare. As usual, she sticks her tongue out at him and rolls her hand for him to continue. “I—really, I don’t know where to—”

“Jon.” Martin sets down his glass, reaches over, and covers Jon’s hand with his own. Jon meets his eyes instinctively. “In thirty words or less, what is the story behind this trip?”

“There are monsters in the world, tied to different fears,” Jon answers immediately. “They’re trying to reshape the world in their own image and basically kickstart the Apocalypse. We’re trying to stop them.”

Martin sits back, looking miserable, and it’s only then Jon registers the wash of static receding from his mind. “Sorry, Jon. I really should have asked first.”

Jon grabs Martin’s hand before he can pull it away and squeezes. “I’d have sat here dithering to the end of time if you hadn’t. Thank you, Martin.”

Martin manages a tentative smile. Georgie’s frown has eased back a little. “Huh. How many of these things are there?”

“Monsters? Or rituals?” Jon blinks at Georgie. “You believe me?”

“Well, yeah.” Georgie waves a hand as if to say duh. “It’s not like I didn’t know there are monsters in the world.”

Sasha’s hand tightens on her fork, and she pushes back from the table abruptly. “Be right back. I—I need a minute.” She strides purposefully for the front door.

“Sasha, don’t—” Jon begins to call after her, but too late; she’s out the door.

“Did I say something wrong?” Georgie looks concerned.

Martin sighs heavily. “I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you’ve seen…monsters before.”

“Yeah? What’s that got to do with anything?” Georgie asks with a deepening frown.

“Oh…damn.” Jon looks at Georgie, and now he can feel it, too—the static building behind his eyes, an almost imperceptible itch beneath his skin. This shouldn’t be happening, he’s taken two statements already this week, first Michael’s and then Tim and Martin’s, and even if Sasha siphoned off most of that one…he can’t possibly need one this badly, not now. But it’s not need, it’s want, it’s a desire at this point, so he can fight it…

“The Institute serves one of those fear things we’re talking about,” Tim tells her, his voice subdued. “In our case, it’s about knowledge and secrets and…hidden information and stuff like that. We usually just call it the Eye, it’s quicker than most of the other names. But one of the ways it sort of feeds itself is with other people’s stories of their spooky encounters. Usually with something touched by one of the other beings.”

“You’ve got a story to tell,” Martin explains. “The Eye wants it. And Sasha and Jon can both…” He hesitates, looking at Jon. “Sense it?”

“Better than saying ‘smell it,’ I suppose,” Jon says softly. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, forcing the static back.

Georgie blinks. “I mean…I’ll tell you about it. If you want.”

“That…would probably not be a good idea. I can’t—we can’t take but so many statements in any given period of time.” Jon opens his eyes, feeling a bit calmer. “Not without wearing ourselves out, or hurting ourselves. And I’ve had two already this week.”

“And we’ve had one each,” Tim adds, gesturing to himself and Martin. “Right? You just read—”

“Statement of Manuela Dominguez, regarding her unconventional religious beliefs and their intersection with her project aboard the space station Daedalus,” Martin recites. “And you read yours yesterday, it was—”

“Not, as it turns out, a Stranger statement. The Web. Statement of Darren Harlow, regarding a failed psychology experiment at the University of Surrey.” Tim rubs his forehead and sighs. “Actually, I need to talk to you two about that one. We may have a problem.”

Melanie looks back and forth between the two of them, blinking. Jon sighs, too. “Anyway, yes, it’s…there’s a lot. The ritual we’re trying to stop right now is the Stranger’s. It’s—kind of the opposite of the Eye? The ritual’s called the Unknowing. We’re still piecing together what it’s all about, but anyway, that’s what I’m about to go haring off around the world about. Which I would really rather not do, but I don’t have much of a choice. Our boss made that perfectly clear.” He can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Sasha comes back in, looking much calmer, and slips back into her seat with an apology. Melanie looks at Tim. “So what about you, then? If he can ask questions and make people answer, and they can tell when someone’s got a story—”

“It’s not quite that. It’s more—” Sasha spreads out her hands. “Less stories and more secrets. Things people haven’t told. At least, that’s how it is for me. The ones who come to make statements and will talk to anyone, they’re not as interesting to me. It’s the ones who just…don’t want to talk about it, I guess. Or choose not to. Sometimes I know things without meaning to, but I’m trying to throttle that back. Jon is more…all of it.”

Jon nods. “I have the—the question thing, too. And the knowing, although it’s not just hidden things, it’s facts or important information. It’s not as bad as it could be, but it’s getting worse. On top of that, there’s the compulsion to read out the statements, and…it’s just a lot.”

“None of which actually answers my question,” Melanie says. “What did you get out of all this?”

“Oh. I can…look at people, or things, and see if they’ve had anything to do with one of the fear…things,” Tim says. “They glow different colors.”

“You can see auras,” Georgie supplies.

“Not—exactly. I mean, I can’t say ‘oh, you have a calm personality’ or ‘you’re a very troubled person’ or anything like that. But if you’ve bumped into one of the powers, if I concentrate, I can see where it marked you and…usually figure out from there.”

Georgie folds her hands on the table and meets his eye. “What color is mine, then? Or am I making it up?”

Tim hesitates, then takes a deep breath. His eyes go slightly unfocused, and Jon feels the faint crackle of static—not quite the same as when Martin asks questions or Sasha blurts out a secret, but close, like the dial on a disused radio station turned a single click in a different direction. After a moment, Tim’s shoulders relax and he blinks. “White. Bright white. The one you’ve met is Terminus. The End.” He hesitates. “Death. Am I right?”

There’s a short pause before Georgie looks at Jon and says, “You’ve got a good bunch here.”

Jon looks at both Tim and Martin and says, softly, “I know.”

[moonvalecrossing]

Here's a fun fact: Despite having four properties represented now, none of the Microsoft IPs in Smash were even owned by Microsoft to begin with. Banjo was Nintendo co-owned until 2002, the company behind Minecraft was independent until 2014, and Bethesda was only just recently bought by the company. Really goes to show that Microsoft doesn't really have much in the way of worthwhile gaming IPs that they have always owned outside of Halo. :P

*perks up at bethesda* ooh that's something new to me. Both the smash bethesda stuff and the fact that microsoft bought them. I'm not all that happy about the latter, to be honest. I was done with big companies eating smaller companies to evolve into the monopoly man about halfway into Disney decided to become the entertainment czar of the universe... lets hope they don't do like EA do and take their purchase out back, shoot them while they're back is turned, and then take whatever they find out of the body's pockets and then toss everything but the loose change in a junk drawer.

But a bethesda thing in smash... obviously the only bethesda stuff I know about is Elder Scrolls and Fallout. Dovahkiin or Vault Dweller sounds awesome. Dragon assist trophy, super mutant assist (or atomic bomb assist?)... wabbajak item that does random things when used or a fatman (because we can always use MORE EXPLOSIONS). Character wise I could see Dovahkiin pallet swaps being male and female human or elf races... the beast races could be used too but I feel like model wise they'd probably just go for the ones that don't have tails. For a vault dweller I could see them using nate and nora with either a few default character pallet swaps or maybe some companions as pallet swaps like Hancock, Piper, Cait, and Nick.

Obviously Dovahkiin would have a final smash that involves a shout. Maybe Odahviing or Durnehviir to summon them to attack the opponents, a bigass Fusrodah, or Storm Call (or even let them have Alduin's unique dragon storm call to bring down meteors- and give cloud PTSD flashbacks). A final smash for the vault dweller from fallout 4 could be based on the factions you can join. Like the Minute Men could have artillery fire rain down after the dweller calls it in. Brotherhood of Steel could have them summon Liberty Prime, and the Institute could.. summon a hoard of synths? Dunno what the railroad could have- oh wait maybe combine those two and just end up putting everyone in the middle of a firefight between those two factions lol.

Why do I have so many ideas for this I am not hte kind of person who thinks of smash stuff.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Femslash February (Day 14)

Prompt: Heart Fandom: Winx Club Pair: Icy/Lucy

Summary: Lucy asks Icy on a date. Icy accepts for the sake of humiliating the woman. She doesn't expect to actually enjoy her company.

Today on rarepairs; has anyone actually wrote for Icy/Lucy yet????

A paper bat wing, because hearts are too cliche. She slips it under the door and leaves in haste. She hopes that this time it will be reciprocated or appreciated.

She has a feeling that it won’t be reciprocated even slightly. More likely, she will be mocked and ridiculed again. What a fool she is to try to chase after someone so painfully obviously cold. Someone so far out of her league.

Why is her heart so...misguided? Why can’t it be as dark and warped as Cloud Tower itself. That would be wonderful. That would be easy. It would beat pining over a woman who would rather see her spelled and hexed into oblivion.

Even Mirta isn’t this foolish. Even Mirta isn’t setting herself up for this much humiliation.

And yet, she comes back to her dorm to find a note on the floor. Her hands shake as she opens it. She knows what she is going to find; she just isn’t sure how harsh and humiliating the rejection will be. Icy is mighty creative and her creativity has a razor’s edge.

It is frank and to the point, written in elegant cursive. The kind that she thought the ice witch ought to have. ‘Fine. 11:30 at the Broom & Hex Cafe.’ She stares at the silver ink, her hands shake with twice the force.

She has a date. She has a date and yet she can’t quite believe that she does. She knows exactly how this is going to end. Really there’s only one way that it can, realistically speaking. But,  how pathetic she is, she craves the witch so much that she is more than willing to face further humiliation just for a taste of what she craves. Just for a lovely little illusion.

.oOo.

“Oh she’s going to weep.” Stormy chuckles.

“She’s going to do more than weep by the time I’m through.” Icy vows.

“And here I thought that I was the devious, alluring one.” Darcy quirks a brow and runs her fingers through her locks.

“You just keep toying with Riven, I’ll make sure that Lucy doesn’t lurk outside our dorm ever again. I never was a fan of Fae Hearts's day, ladies. But this will be one to remember.”

“But wait!” Stormy bolts upright. “What if she, like, loses it and gets more obsessive and weird?”

“Then we’ll teach her another lesson.” Darcy shrugs.”

All she will have to do is endure one loathsome day. A few hours of false gushing and pseudo sweet talk will pave the way for days of wicked delight.

.oOo.

The cafe is particularly crowded when she arrives, dressed in her favorite ripped plaid dress and a set of matching arm warmers that are at least a size or two too big. She swallows and takes a deep breath as she searches the ice witch out. It only takes one quick sweep to know that she isn’t there--the woman is the sort to stand out rather starkly. But she does a second and third sweep anyhow.

She has to laugh, of course she wouldn’t even show up. That’s the oldest trick in the book. But she had so fervently hoped that Icy would at least pretend to love her for an hour or so.

“You’re early.”

Lucy jerks.

“You showed up?”

Icy quirks a brow. “You’re welcome.” She breezes by. “We’ll sit over there.” She points to the table at the very center of the room. The one that is already occupied. “I always sit there.”

“But that spot is already taken.”

She snaps her fingers and the platters on the table begin to wriggle and crawl. And then they are knocked to the floor as the couple scrambles away. Worms, grubs, and roaches turn back to soup, chili, and gummies. She snaps a second time and the mess is cleaned. “Looks vacant to me.”

“You’re terrible.”

“The vileist.” Icy smirks.

“It’s admirable.”

“Naturally.” She pulls out a chair. “Sit. Tell me about yourself, and make it good, I don’t waste my time on losers.”

“I’m not.”

“Convince me.”

She clears her throat. She hadn’t realized that this was going to be an interview. “I thought that this was a date.” She scoffs. “Not an interrogation.”

Icy crosses her arms and leans back in her chair.

“I can play the guitar.” She caves.

“The guitar? I play myself. What brand and model?”

“I have a SpiderMistress, Cauldron Green. You?”

“SpiderMistress as well. Midnight Hex.”

Lucy’s eyes go wide. “How’d you get that? Those models are super expensive.”

“I won it at a competition a few years back.”

“Maybe we can, I don’t know, have some kind of practice together! Are you, Darcy, and Stormy in a band.”

Icy snickers. “We don’t have time for that. Though I suppose that Stormy is a pretty capable singer and Darcy wouldn’t be terrible on the drums.” She shrugs. “Anyways, it’s a useless hobby.”

“Why do you say that?”

She catches a flicker of something in the woman’s frigid eyes. Something sincere, sad, regretful? It is gone before she can decipher it. Gone so fast that she may have imagined it entirely. “It means nothing compared to higher goals. I have ambitions, real ambitions.”

“And talent.” Lucy declares. “I haven’t heard you play but you’re good at everything else you do.”

“True.” Icy replies. “But I’ve been told that my talents are best invested elsewhere. I think I’d like a bigger following than a handful of groupies.”

The way groupies rolls off of her tongue. That pointed stare… Lucy’s heart sinks. She is pathetic, she knows that she is. Really she isn’t much better than a groupie and Icy isn’t even famous. She pushes it down and tries to play it off. “Yeah. Why settle for less when you can have more?” She wonders if she is settling for less by trying for someone who thinks of her as less.

“Yes, that’s a good question. Why would I settle for less.”

Lucy’s heart sinks further.

“My powers are nice and all but I think that with a touch of dragon fire magic…” she trails off and takes a spoonful of ice cream. “That’ll make a real show, don’t you think?”

Lucy nods vigorously. “I mean your magic is amazing the way it is. You’re the most powerful witch that I know. But how badass would it be to have fire and ice magic?” She is kissing so much ass. Gushing and rambling and making a fool of herself. She wishes that they could just stick to talking about guitars. “What would you do with all of that power?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Icy replies. She holds out her spoon, “have a taste.”

She wants to, desperately, just to taste the witch on her tongue. But how sadly desperate would that look. “After you licked it?” She crinkles her nose.

Icy scoffs. “How do you plan to…” she leans in closer. “Make out if you can’t even share a spoon with me.”

Lucy swallows. “Licking a spoon isn’t as exciting as making out. All or nothing.” She does a lot of big talk for someone with such low confidence.

Icy quirks a brow. “All or nothing.” She shrugs. And with an alarming abruptness, she pulls Lucy in by the collar and plants her lips upon hers. They are as frosty as she had expected and she tastes of spearmint and cigarettes. She smells of it too. She tangles her long blue fingernails in her hair. She is vicious and merciless, it’s exhilarating.

And she pulls back. “Wow, that was the most underwhelming kiss I’ve ever had. Usually they at least try to impress me.”

“I wasn’t ready!”

“Improv, my dear.” She drawls. She leans back once more, draping her hands on the arm rests.

And something snaps. Something that should have snapped ages ago. But it comes as a desire. A desire to shove the chair over if only to see that smug, conceited smirk crack. To shatter the woman’s ego if only for a moment.

“You know what, I don’t know why I tried!” She stands up with a quickness that knocks the chair to the floor. She has to keep her momentum before it vacates. “I think that it’s because I feel bad for you. You’re hollow and shallow and...and…” her lip twitches into a snarl, “you aren’t as amazing as you think you are. Do you even think that you’re amazing?” She isn’t sure how to end her rant so she finishes with the first thing that comes to mind, “you can have the most expensive guitar on the market but that doesn’t mean that you have the talent to play it.”  

And it is gone, that smug, conceited look. Gone and she hadn’t had to even raise a fist. She balls them both and makes her way to the door. She has dignity. She has self-respect.

And she deserves more than a stupid game. All or nothing. All of the nothing in the world is better than letting herself chase after one moment of false love. Her heart isn’t so foolish as she had thought.

.oOo.

It wasn’t supposed to have gone like that. Lucy wasn’t supposed to have left. That was her role. She rubs her hands over her face. She was supposed to be doing the humiliating. Not that she hadn’t been able to save herself the worst of it with a remark about how dramatic witches these days are.

But that isn’t it. That isn’t what keeps itching and clawing at her mind. She lightly raps her fist against her forehead, as though she can knock the deeper, more disturbing implications from her mind.

She wishes that the woman would have just flinched and cried like the rest of them. She wishes that Lucy were as unbearable, cringe-inducing, and repulsive as she had assumed that she would be. She was supposed to have been intolerably embarrassing to be around.

She wasn’t supposed to have talked about guitars or bands or anything that Icy is thoroughly and truly interested in. She wasn’t supposed to have made these things sound so intriguing and worth investing time into. And she certainly wasn’t supposed to have shown any teeth.

Icy doesn’t think that anyone has had the balls to stand up to her so publicly and, God, how intriguing it is. She cringes to herself. Not Lucy. Not loser Lucy. It can’t be her of all people. Especially not after the game she’d tried to play. The game that she’d lost.

Lost and swapped decks. She inhales deeply. She supposes that she will just have to do what she does well, encase her heart in ice much thicker and colder than before. The feeling will pass, it always does. She has just as little time for romance as she does for silly guitar riffs.

She lays back and stares at the ceiling until Darcy and Stormy enter.

.oOo.

She notices Icy lingering. Lingering and, dare she say, lurking. It is almost laughable.  It could be that she is waiting for an opportunity to strike, watching and observing for weaknesses, an opening to take her vengeance. But somehow she senses that this isn’t the case.

No. The witch is exuding the very same energy that she once had.

She thinks that it would be plenty satisfying to march right up to her and let her know that she has been well aware of her presence and watch her stumble over a lie about how she had only been stalking about for the sake of feeling out the enemy.

It would be satisfying twice over to make a scene of it, to deal out the same brand of humiliation that the ice witch had intended for her. If only Lucy didn’t still feel so drawn to her. If only Icy wasn’t  everything she admired in a person; bold, confident, suave, and cool. If only she weren’t so beautiful in a cutting, razorlike way that is all her own.

She can very well toy with the woman, blackmail and mock her, rouse her hatred and contemptment. She can’t help but do so at least a little. “See something you like?” She calls into the hallway. She expects the woman to slink away with a muttered curse or two. Instead she slips out into the open and leans against the frame of the door with her arms folded across her chest as though she had intended to be seen in the first place.

“Perhaps a few things.” She flicks her hair. “We didn’t finish our date, Lucy.”

“I lost interest.”

Icy quirks a brow, “did you?”

She wishes that she had. “Mostly.”

“That’s a shame.” She shrugs. “I admit, you piqued mine. I didn’t realize that you had fight.”

It occurs to her that perhaps the ice witch is very much into that. Into someone who is willing to get in her face and fight back. She can’t imagine that many people would.

“It’s compelling. Keeps things intense.” She continues.

“Well, while you look for fights, I’m going to look for respect.” Now that she has found it she isn’t willing to let it go so easily.

Icy is quiet for a moment. “You have already.”

“Was that a compliment?”

.oOo.

The deeper this conversation goes the less worth she thinks it has. She is going to make a fool of herself, and for what? Love? That isn’t the downfall she has in mind for herself. “Don’t push your luck, Lucy. I still have curses and hexes that will…”

“Make me regret ever setting foot in Cloud Tower? Yeah, I get the gist.”

“Do you?”

“Get to the point. Are you here to hex me or kiss me?”

Really, why not both? “I guess that, that’s up to you.” Though she supposes that she’d much prefer to have another go at the woman’s lips. “Show me what you can do now that you’re prepared.”

Lucy grips the door and Icy is certain that it is about to slam in her face. Instead the woman damn near throws her into the wall. Her kiss is rough, almost savage. Intriguing. She curls her fingers into strands of dark green hair and adds a frosty edge of her own. And then Lucy pulls back as abruptly as she had engaged. Her breathing is still decently ragged. “Improv, my dear.” She says again, “can make or break the moment, do you understand now.”

Lucy nods. “Perfectly.”

“Well then...” Icy trails a finger over the woman’s cheek, content to have taken back at least some control.

“Well then, what?” She puts her hands on her hips.

“Are you interested in a real date?”

“Don’t you have a reputation to uphold?”

Icy rolls her eyes, “I’m the one who decides what’s in and what’s out. Welcome to the in crowd, Lucy.” So long as she keeps up with her newfound confidence she will stay for quite a long time. And with luck Icy won’t have to do any of the work to keep her at the top. “It suits you better, Lucy. This, self-respect thing.”

.oOo.

A second date. A real date. Her heart thrums faster than it has in a while. And the ice witch doesn’t think that she’s pathetic. And when they speak in the halls it feels different, she doesn’t call her a loser this time. She doesn’t dismiss her, doesn’t mock her with Darcy and Stormy when she is just on the fringes of earshot.

It doesn’t take terribly long for the two of them to get used to her stopping by the dorm. They still whisper. She still hears them questioning and pestering Icy. Icy invites her over more. Icy makes a point of slinking as close to her as possible, of getting handsy, of initiating deep kisses. “If they hate what your doing,” she mutters in Lucy’s ear, her voice husky with passion, “do it in front of them, exaggerate it, give them something to really talk about.”

She wonders if Icy has always been so bold or if it is the product of trial and error and one big sweeping success that has driven her to the top.

“You have much more allure when you aren’t copying everything that I do.”

“I’ve found that there isn’t anything worth copying.” Lucy smirks.

Icy gives a haughty sniff, “fuck you, Lucy.” She grabs her by the scruff of her shirt and pulls her onto the bed.

She wishes that she would have found her sense of self worth earlier.

[aeide-thea]

[cw for (thoroughly unsexy!) sex/embodiment omphaloskepsis]

[[MORE]] i feel like, if i actually contemplate any of the things i want in detail, there’s a pretty big tension between, like, what i physically want and the role i mostly actually find erotic? which is to say, mostly physically i want to be bracketed in close by someone’s body and get really overwhelmingly fucked or possibly fisted, but i don’t usually find that conceptually erotic or even consistent with my sense of self (probably because my sense of self is that i take care of other people very tenderly and solicitously and no one else takes care of me, though of course in practice this imbalance has left me so totally emotionally malnourished that i’ve just given up interacting with other people, because i’m too wiped to practice the solicitousness that comprises the only model of human interaction i really understand), so half the time i end up not really present in my own body, mentally, but instead sort of reflexively trying to attain the kind of separate third-person perspective you get in, say, fic, so that i can frame the fucking as, like, a dynamic that’s abstractly erotic, where i’m not limited to inhabiting only the role/headspace of the person getting fucked? though it’s not that i necessarily want a straightforward swap into the headspace of the person doing the fucking—if it were that straightforward then i could just strap it on and go to town and inhabit that role in reality!—but more that i want to have all the options and be limited to none of them, and also, i think, that i don’t want to relate to other people from the home base of this body, although it’s not as if i have some clear vision of a home base i would want instead, so like, thanks, brain, that’s real helpful…

also obviously there’s potentially some work to be done on how i’m framing fucking here, like, in theory it can be whatever power dynamic, obviously, but like, i do actually know how to be in charge while getting penetrated, it just hasn’t historically involved a lot of surrender to my own physical sensations, which is the thing i both want and don’t understand how to reconcile with my own sense of self: i can’t imagine trusting that someone could fuck me and not get bored, or fuck me while still seeing me as i want to be seen—though really, do i think anybody sees me as i want to be seen, whether or not they fuck me? because of course part of how i want to be seen is ‘not as a wholly failed project,’ which at this point is inconsistent with reality. but at any rate: much easier to use my body as a tool for pleasing someone else! but harder to wring physical pleasure for myself from that use case.

anyway i have no real conclusion here and certainly no solutions! and in any case the whole thing is irrelevant because in-person socializing (‘socializing’) is not precisely an immediate prospect. just, you know. wish i could work out a way of dealing with literally anything about being in this body that wasn’t just ‘feel alienated and hateful towards it while having no concrete picture of what would be preferable’! but unfortunately a lot of the problem is that literally everything about being a socially-embedded person has just been abstract theorizing in a vacuum for. quite a long time now. and that’s just Where We Are.

[punkscowardschampions]

Mattie & Lulu

Mattie: [So my vibe for it, she just shows up without knowing because by this point it’s been like 2 years since attempted contact so you wouldn’t think to check like, where do they go to school, especially if Chloe swore the grandparents to secrecy vis-a-vis the teacher situation because she would, so you probably think they’re still in Switzerland, and then I think we should say that one of them is in her form and one of them has her as a teacher for either Physics or Computers and whoever we pick as the form one could see her first and if that was Dolly she could tell Lulu to try and get in with her]

Lulu: [That honestly feels the most legit to me too, I was gonna say maybe put Lulu in her form so they have to spend more time together lol but your idea makes the most sense in terms of like starting this convo, also love you not being the 1st to know since you spoke for them both in the last convo so]

Mattie: [And if you had her for both subjects, you’d still see her a lot so it’s fine, also lessons are longer than form time but you’re meant to like, talk to your form teacher if you need something so we can say that Dolly is without having to do it obvs, so then my vibe for today is she obviously took Dolly to one side and was like I don’t know how this happened but I’ll follow your lead like if you want to swap forms you can but also you can stay and we don’t have to make a big deal of it. Mattie would have to let the School know like they’re my half-sisters btw, didn’t know they were here, but we had kids who were taught by their literal mums so it’s not like she has to leave or they have to move classes, just as long as you aren’t hiding it ‘cos that’d be weird on her part, so maybe we can say Lulu didn’t have either lesson today so we can do this like Dolly has just told her but Mattie hasn’t had enough time or reason to come find her in person?]

Lulu: [That’s so clever boo, such an excellent way to get around having to RP with yourself and yeah she could totally be taught by her for both lessons so that is probably more time actually like you said]

Mattie: [Okay so our vibe for form is it’s about 30 mins at the start of the day, after breakfast for boarders and before lessons, and there are 4 girls from each year in the form (year 7-13) so the energy is very look after the little ones and go to the older kids for advice and help, as well as your form teacher being your go-to teacher for things you need that aren’t related to your subjects, you probably also have a matron-esque person for things related to boarding; Definitely doing houses also and you get points for good behaviour, academic achievement and clubs and sporting, can also be taken away for poor behaviour and performance, Dolly and Lulu are in the same house just not form. HOUSE TEA, after research it seems like forms and houses are separated by boarding and day students as well as sex, so only boarding girls in your form/house, you literally live with your house if you board, it’s about 60 girls, and there is the housemistress (and her whole fam and dog lmao) a matron, the tutors of the forms in said house and then head girl as well as 6th form girls being prefects, absolutely can think of what the housemistress, matron, head girl and other tutors who live in are like; MORE TEA, school starts 8:25, chapel, assembly or form time, four lessons before lunch, after lunch from about 4:00, 2 clubs a day, sports, drama, art etc until 6:00, final reg ‘til 6:15, then there’s the ‘cultural hour’ til 7:15, prep aka homework for AT LEAST an hour after dinner assumedly, Saturday is chapel, three lessons, lunch, then sports all afternoon depending how much sports you do, there are like 150 clubs so get at it]

Lulu: [NGL love this, I’d be fuming if my mum worked there and I had to live there too but like such a fun vibe for us and it makes sense that you’re gonna end up getting close to Mattie like it or not]

Lulu: [okay so Lulu studies Physics and Computer Science with Mattie and then Mathematics makes sense to go with that]

Mattie: [Dolly Drama & Theatre Studies, German & Religious Studies]

Lulu: [Okay so Lulu’s clubs cos you have to do a sport I’m gonna pick Tennis as a throwback to your old school, Drama as I’ve mentioned in this convo, Model UN likewise as a throwback, Chess cos we love it and that Curie Society thing where they just chat about scientific discoveries and D of E]

Mattie: [Dolly’s clubs are Drama, Archery, Running Club, Chapel Choir, Cross Country & Swimming, will do Creative & Literary Society when we are in a better place but not like right away]

Mattie: [I think we can start this convo now we have an idea]

Lulu: Dolly told me you’re her form tutor… that’s unexpected

Lulu: how long is your placement here?

Mattie: Yes, very

Mattie: I had zero idea you two weren’t still in Switzerland

Mattie: Believe me when I say if I planned to initiate contact between us again, I would have gone for a more direct, far less convoluted route to do so

Mattie: The placement is 8 weeks, I’ve had to let the head know and I was going to come find you to see how you wanted to proceed

Mattie: Dolly was happy enough to stay in my form and not make a big deal about it, her words, obviously this is a shock for us all and I’m not going to minimize that for my own gain

Mattie: But I am taking you for Physics and Computer Studies, so you would actually be seeing more of me than Dolly, so that’s… a thing

Mattie: There is another Computer Science class in your year but Physics is already a small class with just me… I could see if there’s a possibility for a Physics teacher from one of the other years to swap with me, if that’s what you would like

Lulu: Of course you wouldn’t be aware of our move, and of course Dolly doesn’t want to make a big deal of you being here now that we are, similarly I’m not going to make a fuss about you teaching me, that’s all you’re supposed to do, professionalism is also a… thing and 8 weeks is bound to absolutely fly by

Mattie: If you’re sure, Lulu, then that’s absolutely how I am happy to proceed too

Mattie: It really isn’t long, in the grand scheme of things

Mattie: You aren’t obligated to share any more than you would with any other teacher, but I have to ask why the move?

Mattie: You seemed to really love that place

Mattie: Even though it seems very impressive here too

Mattie: I just hope you’re okay, is really all I’m trying to say with that question

Lulu: There’s no big secret, it was just time for a change, which is how you jolly well may feel after you’ve spent 2 months here 😅

Mattie: Oh no, you aren’t enjoying it here? Or just a bit of a culture shock

Mattie: It was for me too, my last placement was an inner-city comp

Mattie: but it’s different being this side of the student-teacher divide regardless, that’s for sure

Lulu: I’m not a student you have to try to find common ground with, you aren’t my form tutor

Mattie: How are you getting on with yours? She’s the Drama teacher, right, funny how that worked out

Lulu: Marvellously, it’s been one of my extracurriculars since year 7

Mattie: That’s great, and you get to spend time with your sister, now you don’t have your lessons together

Lulu: Yeah, Religious Studies isn’t my thing

Mattie: I can’t say it’s mine either 😅

Mattie: Also the man who teaches that scares me a bit but 🤫 I’m sure he looks more off-putting than he actually is

Lulu: It’s his 🐛 brows but your first impression and instincts are spot on too, he’s v intense

Mattie: I’ll break the ice by asking him to come get them threaded, that’s a great idea

Lulu: I’m extremely clever and that was a elaborate ploy to prove every idea I have is A* to you as my new teacher and earn house points as I’m so devoted

Mattie: I sadly think I know how the head would feel about merit points for beauty reccs but admire the dedication, that’s definitely a core value they want to promote here so

Mattie: Not not worth some ++

Lulu: It’d be beastly not to pass the vibe check after all this time, the most relief ever that I’ve worked out this place’s core values

Mattie: I think I still have the introductory pamphlet, should you ever need a refresher

Mattie: Core values, Latin Motto, the lot…

Lulu: [Whatever the school Latin motto is cos I tried to make a sassy one up but was cockblocked] I’m fine, but thanks

Mattie: Impressive

Mattie: Okay, I will see you in class tomorrow

Mattie: Potentially around the house before then but I’ll do my best to give you both space

Lulu: It’s called making an effort, which you’ll see me do in class too

Lulu: okay but don’t give us a lot of space or everyone’ll think we’re in some huge bind over you and like Dolly and I have both said, it’s not that big of a deal

Mattie: Pleased to hear it

Mattie: Understood

Mattie: I more meant it as a warning that I too room there so you might see me around, but I won’t make a point of showing up in your dorm

Lulu: I don’t honestly know what makes you think I would need a warning but thanks again anyway

Mattie: I’m not trying to make your transition here any harder than it needs to be

Lulu: You’d have to be a horrific teacher to make that sizeable of an impact, we’re both settled, the newbie here is you

Mattie: Well that remains to be seen

Mattie: QTS will either be achieved by the end of this or not

Mattie: It’s a lot bigger than your last, your house has as many pupils as the entirety of Surval did, that’s a big change

Lulu: So was co-ed and day students, note my past tense though

Mattie: Right, and your subjects at A-Level are, sadly, pretty boy heavy

Mattie: You’ve got it all worked out though, I’ll be sure to ask for help if I get stuck

Lulu: Not something I expected to have to deal with, pre-fresh start, but I don’t have to teach them, only get on with my own work

Lulu: yeah, I could give an A* tour

Mattie: I’d call you lucky if I didn’t know personally that the workload is going to be intense

Mattie: but I’ve seen your grades so I’m not worried for you, you’ve got this

Mattie: I might take you up on that offer, though if you can secure one of the cute dogs I see running about, that turns might into a definite

Lulu: 😊

Lulu: Oh, this is the moment to let you know Skipper loves me

Mattie: I think Skipper nearly ran me down this morning

Mattie: assuming he’s the GIANT one that rarely listens to his owner 🤭

Lulu: He is 🥰💖 but he doesn’t realise 😆

Mattie: The best kind of dog 😌 It’s so cute

Lulu: My biggest soft spot is for little dogs who think they’re VIP as in v important humans, but we have one of those at home, for the best of both worlds

Mattie: Okay, yes, that’s a mood too

Mattie: What’s his name?

Mattie: Being currently without any pet I need all the surrogates, obviously

Lulu: Monty

Lulu: [show her a picture of him obvs]

Mattie: Oh, he’s a doll 😍

Mattie: a definite plus for being in England is you can go visit him more often

Lulu: Not really, I’m still boarding

Mattie: The 6-day schedule is intense

Mattie: I can see the benefits though, as long as the child is here because they want to learn, and not because their parent paid for an extra intensive education just because it’s the ‘best’

Lulu: Both can be true and mostly seem like they are here

Mattie: By your age, if it wasn’t suiting, you wouldn’t have made it, I don’t think

Mattie: At least you have Sundays

Lulu: You’ve seen my grades, who could fake making it that hard?

Mattie: I wasn’t accusing you of not being capable, not at all, sorry that wasn’t clear, just musing aloud that the people who aren’t suited to this model won’t make it past IGCSEs to A-levels

Mattie: but that kind of thing would fall under unprofessional, I imagine so let’s pretend I didn’t say anything

Lulu: It’d only be unprofessional if you shared who you think shouldn’t be here, which I’ll totally pretend you didn’t say after 🤭

Mattie: 😅😶 I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that and slip the list under your door when I’ve made it

Lulu: 🤫 to not turn you against an absolutely ridiculously high percentage of both your classes before you’ve taught them

Mattie: Definitely not the aim of my placement 😰

Mattie: Although someone has to be the teacher nobody likes, right?

Lulu: You could try that approach, but unless this tête-à-tête happening is what’s faked, I can’t see you making it work for 8 weeks

Mattie: Thanks, that’s almost encouraging 😌😜

Mattie: Over the initial shock, it’s good to see you both doing well here

Mattie: And if you do happen to need anything, you can let me know

Lulu: You’re almost my teacher, calling you a bitch wouldn’t get us off on the right foot

Mattie: I don’t think I can downgrade you for that, but no, I see that

Mattie: Professionalism works both ways, as it were

Lulu: And I could need an extension at any time, my lab partner is a perfect dunce who should be on your reject list 😓 I’d be pretty gassed if you would actually re-assign us, do you have that much power? 🤔

Mattie: It’s a possibility

Mattie: I like to switch it up anyway, you’re such a small group, it stops it getting clique-y, so you can all work together and swap around whilst I’m your teacher

Mattie: When you get a permanent teacher after I leave, they might see it differently but they’ve all been enthusiastic about my ideas thus far, though I just got here

Lulu: After you leave is after you leave, I feel seedy now and look like 💀 if you want to do anything about it

Mattie: What’s the problem with him, beside the dunce thing we’ve already covered?

Lulu: Isn’t that enough bad luck? I’m doing everything by myself while he’s high fiving his friends for getting partnered with me, like some incel

Mattie: Right

Mattie: Let me see it for myself and then perhaps I can do something about it, if it is that blatant

Mattie: You don’t need the teacher’s pet rep any more than I need accusations of baseless favouritism just because we’re related

Mattie: I believe you, but I’ll deal with it in class and in my capacity as your teacher and his, not like this, yeah

Lulu: I’m letting you know what I need, which is what you just told me to do

Mattie: Okay, I’ve heard you, I just want to make sure you understand that if you come to me with things related to class, then they’ll be dealt with in the proper channels

Lulu: 😬 sorry if you got the impression I’d come to you with anything unrelated to class, we’re not there

Mattie: You didn’t, I simply offered

Lulu: Grandma will be buzzing

Mattie: I’m not doing it to score points, or make a statement

Mattie: and undoubtedly you won’t come to me but I’m going to offer in case you need to, and because that’s what feels right to me to do, that’s it

Mattie: No hidden agenda

Lulu: Offer it to Dolly, that’s your job

Mattie: I have, Lulu

Mattie: Don’t worry

Lulu: Meaning?

Lulu: my sister is fine, I don’t have to worry about her

Mattie: Meaning just that

Mattie: I have a pastoral role as well as an educational

Mattie: If any pupil in my form needs help, they’ll receive it

Lulu: She doesn’t

Mattie: Glad to hear it

Lulu: You’ll have an easy time of it from both of us

Mattie: As long as you’re having a good time of it too, that works perfectly for me

Lulu: Il n’y a pas le feu au lac, as my previous mistresses were devoted to saying

Mattie: My French is limited to being able to order dinner with minimal side-eye from the waiters

Mattie: but I’ll take your very pretty words for it

Lulu: Whoops, I shouldn't have assumed, what language did you do?

Mattie: Mandarin, which was a huge plus on my application, with the college in Malaysia and the Mandarin course they do here

Lulu: Wow, how difficult is it? I’d love to have learned

Mattie: It is challenging, but a fun one I’d say

Mattie: It’s a shame they only have the one teacher, so they can’t make it a club too, they’d be run ragged

Mattie: I could teach you the 101 basics, I’m confident enough to do that much

Lulu: You didn’t want to be accused of favouritism and I don’t want to make an ass of myself

Lulu: I’ll have to move there and hope it’s not yonks before the immersion and fluency, I’ve only ever learnt a language that way, I don’t know if even the basics are doable otherwise 😟

Mattie: Well that’s certainly the best way to learn but not the only

Mattie: I wish I was here longer so I could commit to starting a club for the pupils like you who are interested but it wasn’t viable to pick as an A-Level

Lulu: I’ll download an app or something, delete it if it’s too embarrassing

Mattie: I’ll check in to see how you’re finding it

Mattie: You do have a wealth of extra-curriculars, you have zero reason to be embarrassed

Lulu: Only one of those is new and I get to talk in English on subjects I’m never out of my depth with, so yeah, that’s a reason

Lulu: I don’t have time to pick up Chinese Chess either 😭 maybe I can if I do move there

Mattie: The world is seriously going to be your oyster, you can do whatever you want to do, wherever you want to be

Lulu: Is that, like, your teacher catchphrase? 😅 totes inspirational

Mattie: I’ll get a poster made ASAP then 😏

Lulu: Do you need me to draw you a map to art first?

Mattie: Oh, absolutely

Lulu: [do draw her a little map of the key places in the school even though it’d obvs be really simple which might make it more confusing than the actual map cos we’re missing stuff out]

Mattie: [when you didn’t think she would and you’re lowkey touched lmao]

Mattie: That’s perfect, I should actually show up on time for our lesson tomorrow now, thanks for that

Lulu: I draw the line at teaching myself [a thing from both subjects she’s struggling with or doesn’t like lol] as well as Mandarin

Mattie: Now that we can 100% get down before my placement is up, that I can guarantee 😊

Lulu: so you’ve guaranteed yourself a thrilled student quote for the poster

Mattie: Everything’s coming up me 🙌🙌

Lulu: 🤞🏻 you keep that energy going tomorrow

Mattie: I’m not going to oversell it to you, but I do know what I’m doing, in terms of having me as your teacher, I don’t think you’re going to be disappointed

Lulu: They wouldn’t have you here as a teacher if that was your vibe, overselling is honestly closer to what they’re about, you must be worthy of 🙌🏻

Mattie: Bragging is never my vibe but I got the placement here for a reason, and I’m glad I did, so I won’t be wasting the opportunity

Mattie: I went to a good school, but the boarding lifestyle is something I’ve never experienced

Lulu: And I’ve never not, how odd, but you won’t have to experience it that hard as a teacher, they don’t even make you share or suffer through the indignity of inspections

Mattie: My room is a mess of notes and first-day outfits currently so that is definitely a good thing 😬😅

Lulu: The second-day outfit is much less pressure, especially in a class that’s v boy heavy

Mattie: Is that a promise you won’t judge me? 😏

Lulu: I’d come off worse, this uniform is not a mood, they never are

Mattie: At least there’s no boater, the full fantasy

Lulu: It’d add some interest, at least, to how plain everything has to be

Mattie: Thank Goodness for Sundays, you can express yourself then

Lulu: Are you promising not to judge me back? Awww! We’ve got a pact happening

Mattie: As long as there are no sacrifices or blood oaths I’d say that’s above board

Lulu: Sunday’s the chapel’s busiest day and without an altar what are we doing? 😬 Bad luck

Mattie: I do keep forgetting we’re CoE, I’ll have to carve that into the nearest tree or whatever so I don’t arouse suspicion with any 🔮ness

Lulu: Or 🤔 you could use the ⛪️🙏🏻 time to mentally outfit plan for the week if you’re for real awfully nervous, null and voiding the demand for the pact and witch vibes at all

Mattie: You’re very sensible

Mattie: though lesson planning is ultimately the best use of my time, if the big man upstairs is cool with that

Lulu: I use mine for [idk whatever maths or physics shit she could do in her head] and I’m blessed to have not been struck down yet

Mattie: 😅 Well I approve even if the jury is out with the 😇😇s

Lulu: Thanks

Lulu: did Grandpa teach you to play chess too? I need to practice

Mattie: He did, clearly very serious about passing on his chess knowledge 😌

Lulu: Relatable honestly if he just got sick of telling Grandma how the horse and castle move over and over for years 🙄 I tried to teach this boy once and never again

Mattie: Poor Grandma 🤭🤦‍♀️ Is that a boy from home?

Lulu: Golly, if that was how I spent my hols 🙈 No, his mother was a music mistress at our old school

Lulu: he tried but didn’t manage to teach me guitar either

Mattie: Oh, that makes a lot more sense

Mattie: I know the sort

Mattie: Everyone here seems to have little kids or grown-up kids right now, some of the little ones are super cute

Lulu: What sort?

Mattie: The walking-talking Netflix teen heartthrob type

Lulu: Yeah, no, you don’t know him, or me

Mattie: I didn’t mean anything by it

Lulu: And I meant what I said, I’m being welcoming and chill as it’s your first day, but you don’t know me like that

Mattie: Okay, I apologize

Lulu: It’s fine, I’ll see you tonight, not to ruin the surprise but there are other welcoming first day dorm traditions I have to be there for

Mattie: Oh, okay, cool

Mattie: When you want to practice Chess, let me know, we can do it after prep time

Lulu: Okay 👋🏻 for now

[jesawyer]

Hey Josh, just asking the question I asked previously again, apologies if I’m a pest! So, since you’re big into cycling as a hobby, what brands of bikes could you recommend for someone for general use, just looking to ride around my general vicinity and get some exercise in. (Pre-assembled bikes would be what I have in mind, as I have no knowledge of or desire to build my own). Any suggestions would be appreciated! :) P.S- I hope your wounds from your recent crash heal soon!

One thing I would suggest is to avoid Wal-Mart bikes or anything new that’s in the sub-$400 range.  They’re demonstrably unsafe and may be extremely frustrating/unenjoyable.

Though it’s great that so many people are getting into/back into cycling during the pandemic, a side effect is that many bike shops have been sold out for months.  It may be easier and more price-effective to find a used bike through Craigslist or equivalent.  Obviously only consider bikes that have been well-maintained or barely-ridden.

Setting aside specific brands or models, there are two things that are very important: you like how the bike feels to ride and you like how it looks.  If you like how the bike feels to ride, you are more likely to ride it.  If you like how it looks, you will also be more likely to ride it.

Sometimes people recommend bikes that they think someone “should” ride and ignore what makes them feel good and happy.  What I enjoy and am used to riding (road bikes with drop bars and unpadded leather saddles that sit higher than the handlebars) will probably not be what you enjoy.

For that reason, it’s very important that you see the bike in person and take the opportunity to ride it.  Only think about how many gears it has in relation to the riding you’re going to do.  Yeah, if you’re doing a lot of hills, you will probably need a bike that has a cassette in the back with 7+ gears.  If you’re just doing mostly flat stuff, anything will be fine.

Get a bike with handlebars that you’re comfortable on, a saddle you’re comfortable on, and aesthetics that make you want to keep looking at the bike.  If you get really into cycling, you can swap out parts/the entire bike later.  For just getting into it, your comfort and enjoyment are the most important things.

Thanks for the well-wishes re: my crash injuries.  They’re mostly healed and I’ll probably get back on my road bike in the next few days.

Good luck.

[mikumoduleoftheday]

I also have... thoughts on the new Mirai game. Don’t get me wrong — I played it for 6 hrs straight w/o realizing bc it was so fun and I’ve been waiting for it to come out in English we since they made the announcement for the Japanese version. 💖 But Project Mirai DX’ on 3DS controls are waaaay more comfortable for me and seem more in sync With the right and left hand?? I don’t really know how to explain... What are your thoughts on it??

I will NEVER stop my promoing for Project Mirai DX. I want Project Diva to be MORE like Project Mirai. I genuinely wanted a new, amazing installment of Project Mirai on the Switch as opposed this Diva game. This is my unpopular take and I will not repent for it. Also, I hope you realize what a wall of text you unleashed by asking for my thoughts.

About Mirai vs Diva in general:

The use of the track that notes were placed on in Project Mirai was so good and I really miss it going into Diva. The random placement of upcoming notes in Diva, especially with busy background pvs or fast notes, leaves me scrambling sometimes. Not to mention the way the track would be incorporated as almost another level to the PV in some songs, like it tracing rabbit shapes in Lots of Laugh or making liberal use of the rainbow colored hold bonuses in Reverse Rainbow. It really felt like an extra level of care from the creators.

Also the timing is so much harder in Diva oh my god. Project Diva is so demanding. Janitor Mod enjoyed the few songs that had an Extreme Mode chart in Mirai, but is struggling with Hard Mode in Diva. (Edit: I found out recently that her issue is most likely caused by lag from the joy-cons while I had the Switch hooked up to the TV. There’s a way to calibrate your lag, although I wish the game would have told you up front about the option kinda like Taiko no Tatsujin does. It really seems either playing in handheld mode or with a wired procontroller is the most recommended.) As someone who objectively sucks at rhythm games, it’s been kicking my butt.

I loved the level of customization in the outfits. The outfit swaps were not limited by character, only by gender. I think this would be appreciated a lot be people who’s favorite character is less loved in the outfit department too, it really expands the outfit selection when Meiko can wear the other girls’ clothes and whatnot. Not to mention that some outfits have recolorable sections that allowed you to really tie more disparate designs together.

Minor and inconsequential note in the grand scheme of things, Mirai felt like a bigger game with all of the tiny random things you could do, like the mini games and music editor and the buddy system. It probably doesn’t matter to people more invested in core rhythm gameplay, but even when I wasn’t in the headspace for rhythm games (or in a physical space that would prevent uninterrupted timed play), I still had other options to be engaged with. I miss that in Megamix.

About Megamix specifically:

Most of the issues I have are minor. This is my first Project Diva game, and as such, it doesn’t bother me in particular that its basically a simple rehash of Future Tone. I never had any of the previous games to get bummed that this is the same thing. Obviously, your mileage may vary. From what I’ve heard from others: don’t bother if you already have Future Tone really.

I’m also kinda peeved that there’s no physical English release, not even a limited preorder run. I’m a huge proponent of physical media for a few reasons, but come on. Previous English Diva series got physical releases.

I really dislike the art direction of the actual characters. I prefered the look of the models from Diva F and Diva X more than these. I just like the less exaggerated anatomy.

And yeah, the shader sucks. I tried not to hate it, but it does just look like someone was abusing the saturation sliders in a bad photoshop. It’s too bright and washes away already subtle facial features, almost always leaving them noseless. Characters look especially out of place in any stage that isn’t entirely abstract lights or shapes, as the backgrounds seem to use a different shader? If they really wanted to use the toon shader for the whole game, I wish at least they would have used the Diva F models. I think the simpler style of those models would have fit better at least.

Also, why no new modules besides Catch the Wave?? I know that the ones that stick to 2D pvs are by choice of the producer, but what about the 3D pvs? Seriously why couldn’t they have added Magical Mirai 2016 in for 39 Music?? They already have the design for it. No new design for Alien Alien, nothing for Teo or Hibana. And Roki just reuses the modules that are for Kodoku no Hate.

I personally don’t find any of the the DLC packs as enticing enough to actually buy. None of them have more than one or two songs I want. This will obviously vary on your taste.

I can’t wait for touch play mode to be added to the English version, I really preferred tap mode in Mirai so I’m was really pleasantly surprised to hear it would be added to Megamix.

That said, the menus are clean and mostly user-friendly with the exception of a few confusing names. The game play is fun, the load times are quick, and the song choices are safe but fine. Very Miku heavy, but that’s what I like. The shader means Future Tone’s unholy lighting bloom issue is reeled in (even it just looks bad in a new and different way). I’m glad the hairstyles are interchangeable even if I miss Mirai’s outft swaps not being character locked. The important points of it, you know, being a rhythm game are good. I’m just forever, and probably annoyingly, bogged down in aesthetics.

Post Touch Play addition edit: The system for choosing Touch Play vs button mode, quite frankly I’m sorry, fucking sucks. Having it be buried under layers of menus instead of a separate category like Mix Mode is infuriating. Just have the option come up along with the other two in the selection page. If you didn’t know it was an option, you would never find Touch Play. You would never even know about this whole game mode. As for how the mode actually plays, it’s fine. It feels really crowded on the bottom of the screen, but I’m not sure how else I would have done it? I don’t actually know which I prefer, button or touch screen.

I hope that if you’ve never played a Project Diva game before due to not having a Playstation, that you can get Megamix, I certainly don’t regret the purchase.

[dgcatanisiri]

This is too long for me to be comfortable to put out without a cut, but dear god, did I need to rant and ramble on this subject...

I always feel awkward when I want to complain about how video games portray and fandom reacts to queer men, because I feel like the conversation (at least here on Tumblr) gets focused on the female protagonists - you know, the Commander Shepard or Alexios/Kassandra debates and that sort. The things where there’s valid comments to make about how important these female protagonists are, especially in an industry that is deeply misogynistic, and, in the case of the Assassin’s Creed protagonists, keep being developed with an eye towards the female-only protagonists, only to have a male protagonist shoved alongside them, if not upstaging entirely (such as Jacob being the center of Syndicate’s marketing, or how Bayek was originally going to die and Aya be the central protagonist of Origins, or the creation of Alexios and probably male Eivor on the basis of “women protagonists don’t sell.”)...

BUT, when I want to talk about my perspective as a gay man, as wanting to play these games for that empowerment, get to enjoy these games for representing me as a gay man, because Shepard, Ryder, Alexios, etc. get to be played as such, that having these male characters who are able to be played as attracted to other men means something to me, and that leads me to not just play the male characters, but prefer them to the female characters, or even to talk about the subject of homophobia in both the games themselves and the fandoms surrounding them... I do feel like there’s this pressure to just effectively shut up and stay quiet and let the women have their empowerment, that the moment needs to be theirs, not mine, that “fandom” (meaning the monolithic entity that is ‘the fandom’ and not necessarily any singular individual who I’m referring to or anything) is pressuring for anyone who enjoys the male protagonists for whatever reason to be silent and let the women enjoy their win, even if there’s a win for underrepresented men in there as well, or even a need to address the problems of homophobia by not representing queer men. That in its way, it’s effectively saying that a win against the sexism against the industry is outweighing or more important than any win against the homophobia. (Or, since I brought up Shepard, racism, considering that Shepard, Ryder, any game with the character creator, can be different skin tones as well, but that’s outside my lane.)

Like, this isn’t a callout post or any kind of directed screed against anyone, just... I suppose it’s a cumulative effect, based on the fact that I remember what the internet in the corners I frequent was like when Odyssey dropped, focused very much (and understandably - let me be clear that I have no desire to step on anyone’s victory or enjoyment of these games here) on Kassandra, and it felt like the fact that I got to play a character I could portray as gay (don’t start me on the bloody DLC though...) was a victory celebration at a table set for one, while (to really stretch my metaphor) seeing this massive party happening across the dining room at the same time, and that (and again, I’m really straining my metaphor, I’m aware), if I wanted to join that party, they would not combine our celebrations, I would have to join in theirs, and, in my wanting to pay attention to my victory, getting laughed at for it. It’s one of those things that makes fandom feel a little alienating, because I don’t particularly have much of a place that feels like it’s a space for me to celebrate my victories, rare as they are, and on occasion, even end up with the impression that, so far as fandom at large cares, that victory I want to celebrate is somehow less important. That the importance of Alexios, playable as a gay man, meant less than Kassandra, period. And, with Valhalla and Cyberpunk’s release on the horizon, along with (maaaaaaybe?) a Mass Effect Trilogy remaster, I find myself bracing myself for this to start up all over again.

And I know some of this is based in the fact that Tumblr and the transformative elements of fandom in general are more of a space that is dominated by women in fandom, who are going to celebrate the wins for them. That’s just how things shake out, I understand that it’s as much the place I’m going for involvement and interaction with fandom at large as it is anything else. Just... I obviously don’t fit in to the areas of “straight male” fandom, and then getting to the places in the “marginalized” segments of the fandom, it still feels like I need to find my way over to the margins of the margins to feel like I have a place in fandom more generally.

Like, I understand that I have male privilege and that is a factor in things - the male characters are probably more likely to be the ones in the marketing, so I get to see that idealized image of myself individually all over the covers and posters and trailers. BUT that doesn’t remove the straight privilege of the people who are shutting down conversations about the importance of the male PCs being portrayed in M/M relationships, even starts going into the realm of casual homophobia - because no acknowledgement of how important it is for the portrayal of gay men, or bi men, IS homophobic. I mean, how often do these companies have their official accounts post images of the M/M pairings? I’ve seen BioWare account retweet FemShep/Garrus and FemShep/Kaidan things, on top of the MaleShep/Female LI pairings. I’ve even seen FemShep/Liara content, which... We could go into the way that F/F pairings get fetishized and tend to be there as either fodder for cishet male titillation or just because the female PC gets swapped in for the male PC (in the way of Peebee riding a non-existent dick in the FemRyder romance scene in Mass Effect Andromeda), I don’t mean to discount that being a thing, so queer women are getting a short stick too. But where’s the M/M relationships? Hell, remember the whole #MakeJaalBi thing? After we got that notice about the patch for his romance would come... Has any official Mass Effect account actually SHOWN content of BroRyder and Jaal?

I mean, remember the Citadel DLC? The appearances of Kaidan’s romance material included FemShep, and Cortez’s content included a split second shot of just him and Shepard holding hands, and since it was blink and you’ll miss it, that means that it doesn’t even make any effort to portray the M/M relationships. And since I brought up Jaal already, BioWare had to be publicly shamed into offering M/M relationships in equal amounts to the other pairings in Mass Effect Andromeda. Like, it’s bad that Peebee’s romance for FemRyder just had the model swapped in for BroRyder, sure. But at least that content was THERE, at release. For gay/bi men who wanted to romance male characters, we have to make sure that we get that patch downloaded (meaning if you play the game without an internet connection, you can’t get access to his romance) - and only because the outrage actually GOT a response, which is not necessarily the norm in this industry.

Hell, the disparity there actually GOT noticed - if you include Scout Harding as a romance, M/M romances are the lowest numerical romances in Dragon Age Inquisition as well, with only Dorian and Bull as options. And I didn’t even realize this until this past year, despite being disappointed in those two options. Even recognizing that Harding is more of a fling than a full romance, it’s still more than M/M romances had. The closest we got was being able to flirt with Cullen twice before he shuts it down (and the rants I’ve had on THAT subject...). 

And that’s just the focus with BioWare - I saw it all through the initial release of Odyssey, while I know that the official metrics are all saying that Alexios saw more play than Kassandra, Kassandra got a lot of positive response in the fandom that was often framed in opposition to Alexios, that she was the “better” protagonist. 

Like, I’m bolding this for emphasis, and so if anyone is TL;DRing this it’s eye-catching enough: My issue is the dismissal and denigration of the male PCs when building up the female PCs. It is not being against celebrating the female PCs. It’s just the way that people will, in their positivity towards a female PC, dismiss the audience who relates to and connects with the male PC. The way that I’ve seen since day one the common “joke” that male Shepard is unnecessary, condemning the voice acting, even asking why he’s there when female Shepard is “the real Shepard”.

It makes fandom a hostile place to be when you’re looking to that character as your representation, your inspiration. Yeah, it’s a joke, but when it is coming from all corners, or at least feels like it, all the time, the humor dies, and you’re left with just the words. The words telling you that this mirror for yourself is something that people don’t care about.

Again, it’s that feeling of already being on the margins and then being pushed further. You are the freak among the freaks. 

But it feels like saying any of this, like I have, is opening the door to be dismissed as being sexist, or misogynistic, or lesbophobic, or anything like that, because people want to boil down what I’m saying to no more than “but what about MEN? Why aren’t you talking about MEN?” in that dismissive way that so many MRA trolls attempt to derail the conversation - except, no, I am TRYING to have a genuine conversation, about men who aren’t represented, men who need these male characters as much as women need the female ones - queer men get the short stick in a lot of cases, like this goes back to the representational matters in a lot of kids TV shows - while we can absolutely talk about the bad representation it was broadly, I remember when Voltron concluded, having Shiro, having arguably the lead male character of the show, end the show marrying and kissing another man... That was heavily ignored by Tumblr. Meanwhile Tumblr EXPLODED for Korra and Asami or Bubblegum and Marceline. 

It’s seeing what is representation for me as a queer man being played down or ignored while the queer women are praised. And, again, I’m not trying to take anything away from queer women, or women in general, but... Where, exactly, am I supposed to look for that same empowerment? And, more importantly, when the same media offers the empowerment for both groups, like video games do, why does it seem almost expected that I as a queer man back off and allow this to just be for the women in general, when the whole point of a variable protagonist is that it allows that empowerment for EVERYONE?

I mean, I say it feels like “opening the door” to these comments because it has happened before, and likely will again. Because saying “this joke feels hostile to me, as a member of an underrepresented group, can we please not?” or speaking about my individual experiences and feelings - often even just in my own space, on my blog, frequently only tagged with my individual tags for organization in my space, rather than publicly shouting it through a megaphone by putting it in public tags, and somehow STILL getting attacked for these comments - is apparently all those things... That’s been the response I’ve gotten to saying things like this in the past. 

And, in case I haven’t been clear with the repeated comments and the bolded statement above, it’s not about me, a man, trying to take away this thing for women. Rather, it’s me, a queer person - and fine, yes, a queer man - who wants to celebrate being seen, wants to celebrate what is still not a common thing of seeing myself in my media, and then feeling like I’m being shoved out of the way because other people celebrating their representation is considered more important, to hell with me and my mirrors.

Like, I’m not saying any of this is anything actively conscious or even intentionally malicious. It does seem like a reflexive defensive position - “men have tried to take this from us, so we’re not letting ANY man through.” I don’t want to come across as flippant or not aware of the fact that this isn’t a walk in the park for women. I get it, I really do. I’m just... It does feel like my struggles are something that I’m being told to downplay in the name of allowing others to have their celebration.

Thing is, my own experiences as a queer person already leave me feeling like I’m getting that as well - I mentioned before (and have elsewhere) that Dragon Age Inquisition’s M/M romances didn’t work for me. But I have often felt like I need to downplay the fact that I don’t emotionally connect to Dorian as a character - in the immediate aftermath of the game’s release, you could not say ANYTHING negative about him without getting shouted down as either a homophobe or dealing with internalized homophobia. Meanwhile, I’m here, pointing out that, hey, the previous games did not really have any direct homophobia, and the little bits that did lean in that direction felt more like the writers living in a homophobic society and not able to wholly divorce that in their writing than anything in-universe. To me, Thedas was a place where being gay was a difference that made no difference. And then Inquisition tore away that escape from homophobia so bluntly.

So, Dorian doesn’t empower me, you ask, so what about Bull? Yeah, I identify with “queer man” because while I’m a man romantically attracted to other men, I’m also asexual - just regular vanilla sex is in the fringes of my comfort zone. Bondage is an outright catapult out of there. At mach three. So I’m left uncomfortable by both of my “options” in Inquisition. And the response I have always braced myself for when I bring this up, when I do add my voice to the conversation about the M/M options, is “well, they can’t please everyone, and this was good for some people, so you should be content with that.” Being told I can’t have everything, so feeling uncomfortable at best is just something I have to live with, because hey, THOSE OTHER PEOPLE got satisfied, and so you should just be happy for them.

It’s that pained metaphor I offered earlier - the victory celebration isn’t for me, I’m on the outside looking in EVEN STILL. I am the freak among freaks. 

Where is my place to belong, in all of this? Because it’s honestly hard to find, when all the spaces deemed “for me” still feel like an exclusionary party?