#only after we hung up the call did i realise. how fucking late i stayed up last night

[kalosbian]

everyone congratulate me on surviving a last-minute call into work on i think roughly four and a half hours of sleep

[justadeadreaper]

Summoning a spirit and more...

TW: Animal death, Disembowelment/Gutting, Nearly being SA'ed, Murderer and subsequent death, Demon summoning gone wrong, Please tell me if anything that should be put as a warning was not, thanks.

When your friend had asked you if you wanted to try and summon a Demon you had not expected this. Well, kind of. You had heard of multiple ways to summon Demons from all the media you had consumed which mostly ranged from sacrificing a virgin or by creating a summoning cycle or by just contacting one through an ouija board. You had expected the latter to just be cooped up in the abandoned house that seemed to haunt your friend’s street as you had an ouija board and a few candles littering the floor.

But no.

Your friend had to go all out. And by all out you meant all out. It sent a shiver up your spine to the point you thought that this was not the first time they had done this unlike what they had claimed when they had brought up the idea to you. This all seemed too professional, too thought out. But, what did you really expect? You knew how seriously your friend took shit like this, how much research would be put into things they seemed to enjoy and this seemed to just be another case of that passion acting out in full force.

You stood before the asylum your friend had asked you to meet them at. You pulled out your phone to check if you had the right location and time.

Meet me at the Anneliese Sherman Hill Asylum. Check.

2:50AM don’t be late! Check.

You had actually come a few minutes early to make sure you were there on time for whatever your friend wanted to do, you wanted to be a good friend after all. On the other hand you thought over if this was a good idea. You were in the middle of a forest in front of a ruined and abandoned asylum that you knew junkies would visit to shoot up as it looked like a light breeze would be able to knock it down. What if this was all a prank and your friend had actually tricked you into coming here for no reason? What if they lured you here to see if you would actually come so the whole school could laugh at you?

You were by yourself, you did not want to go in alone because God knows who or what could be in there. You were an easy target after all, any lunatic could grab you and do unthinkable things. Your paranoia made you think of all the missing posters that covered your small towns of young adults like you who had gone missing to never be found or the headline on your local new station of bodies that had turned up dead and raped with their hearts missing. You shuddered. You had known some of those people who had been left as nothing but bodies for people to gawk at and say how you had met such a terrible fate. 

As your thoughts began to overwhelm you and plague you with all the horrid outcomes that could come out of you going through with this you heard a noise from above. It broke you out of your train of thoughts especially when you realised that it was your name.

“Y/N! Hello Earth to dumbass! Anyone there?!” Regan called out as half of their body hung out of a fifth story window.

“Regan? Dude what the fuck! Get your ass back inside before you fall out!” You shouted back up as you watched how they nonchalantly stayed where they were.

“Are you my mom or what?! I’m not gonna fall! I’m perfectly fine!” they called back down to you with an almost song-like tone to their voice.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass! Go back in and come down here so we can get on with this!” you responded as their joy seemed to put you more on edge than anything else.

“Yes mother! Anything you say mother!” Regan grumbled as they went back inside so they could descend down the stairs and come fetch you to go through with your plan.

Insane bitch. But were you not just as insane for going through with this? Who cares? At least they showed up.

It only took a few minutes before Regan opened the door with an obnoxious creak. They saw the sour look etched onto your face and could not help but pout back at you.

“What’s up with you? I thought you were a night owl.” Regan whined.

“An asylum?” you sighed.

“Yeah, so?” Regan answered with just as much sass as you.

“Really? It’s an asylum.” You responded as you pointed at the building behind them as if they were an idiot who did not realise where the two of you were.

“By God! I didn’t notice that earlier! How did I not realise?! I must be an idiot!” They turned around to face the building acting like they had never noticed it before as they dramatically put their hands to their face to make the most over the top shocked face they were able to muster that was still somehow riddled with their usual sarcasm.

“Very funny,” you near enough snarled, which only brought a smirk to be smothered all over their face.

“Oh I know,” Regan responded.

“But seriously? An asylum out of all places?” You asked as you tried to swallow down the fear that had started to build in the pit of your stomach while you began to walk up the stairs to meet Regan at the door.

“Of fucking course! You know that asylums are some of the most haunted places in the world! It’s why they’re always used in horror movies or those shitty YouTube videos about ghost hunting. And since they’re so connected to the afterlife it will only make it so much easier for a Demon to come through.” Regan nodded as they pushed open the door so both of you could come inside. The inside was not any better than the outside, it was far worse than you could have ever imagined. Regan had turned on the torch in their hands and began to point it around what once would have been a reception area which now looked to be a demolition site. Most of the ceiling had fallen down exposing the skeleton that once had stood proud as it kept the asylum up but now was drooping as if it could fall to pieces at any moment. The wall paper had been peeled off most of the walls to lay in piles on the floor as the walls now were coated in a constant dampness that built the perfect playground for black mould to spring to life. The two of you began to climb the stairs, having to dodge certain spots where the wood was too weak from rot or where the rot had already fully eaten through to create holes big enough for two adults to drop through into a black void.

“Yeah they’re so haunted because of all the shit that happened here. I’m just saying if I was brutally tortured and treated like a useless baby as staff act like I’m a fucking idiot all because I had a disability I would haunt the place I died. Would probably try and get my revenge on the staff,” you muttered after you had truly seen the state of what once would have been a thriving business even if it had a gruesome history.

It only took a few minutes of climbing the stairs like an obstacle course to reach the floor that Regan had set up for the two of you to summon the Demon. It was unnerving, the whole place was unnerving but this floor was different, extremely different. All the hairs on your arms to the back of your neck had stood up, your whole body was on edge as all your senses seemed to be heightened that you were able to sense everything. All the dampness you had felt when walking through the other floors seemed to have disappeared completely, replaced by an overwhelming staleness that seemed to burn your nose while your lungs felt as if they were tightening at the staleness that overwhelmed them like it was depriving them of oxygen.

The two of you continued your walk as you went deeper into the floor. The hallways were covered in graffiti ranging from phrases to names to dicks with the latter covering most of the walls as they were most likely made by the immature teens from the local highschools that had come here to ditch school and get high or had come to the asylum for fear tests to see if they were cool enough to be part of the group with whatever group had sent them in there. You had continued to walk until you reached another large door that Regan pulled open with a huff to reveal the room they had set up.

It must have originally been a social room that had been turned into a restraintment room when the asylum became overwhelmed with too many patients. Chairs, tables, medical beds, restraints, toys, anything you could think of had been piled into the room but it did not have the former glory it once had once had decades ago. All had slowly rotted away with time with the rest of this damned pace but that did not matter to you, neither did the shattered windows that leaked in some of the cool night air and moonlight as its glass decorated the floor. The only thing that mattered was how Regan had set up the room.

For you to see there were candles scattered all over the floor and on certain pieces of the furniture in either bundles of three or seven. Most were burnt around halfway down as the wax trickled to the ground, melting into the cracks of the floor as if they were filling them in. Set up on an old medical table was an altar that had a black cat tied to it as it was connected by a simple chalk line to a summoning circle that spanned over most of the floor as an ouija board laid directly in the middle of it all. It was all too much, you knew that if you were in a horror movie that you would be the first to be taken out by whatever entity had decided to go on a killing spree that day. This looked like it was directly out of a horror movie and you did not want to be part of it. You wanted to immediately turn around and run away but something was stopping you, like a dark force beyond your comprehension had taken control and forced you to stay there and continue like this was a normal everyday thing.

The two of you slowly walked over to the board and sat around it, one of you on each side. Slowly you both put your fingers on the planchette and began moving it to spell out both of your names. First Regan’s and then yours.

“Anyone here with us?” Regan asked.

Ding, ding, ding.

The old church bells rang out, far in the distance from the safety of the town to officially announce that it was finally 3AM, the witching hour. The pit in your stomach seemed to grow to the size of a blackhole as you prayed that nothing would happen as you had wished you had brought some holy water from the church. 

The planchette moved.

Yes.

“How many are there?” Regan asked another question as you preferred to stay silent. The planchette continued to move as it slid towards a number.

One.

“What are you?” you asked as you hoped it was just a tortured spirit.

The planchette rapidly moved from letter to letter to spell out the word you dreaded.

Demon. Regan only smiled as you let out a breath you had never realised that you had been holding.

“Do you want us to free you?” Regan asked.

The planchette moved once more.

Yes.

“What will you give us in return?” Regan questioned.

The planchette moved for one last time.

Anything you wish.

Regan then got up and walked over to the altar. They reached over somewhere and pulled out a knife that you had not noticed earlier.

“What the fuck are you doing?” you asked Regan as they lifted the knife above their head.

“It needs a blood sacrifice to come through,” Regan answered.

“That’s a living fucking cat you can’t fucking do that!” You shouted back as you got up to stop them.

But you stopped in your tracks once you saw the look on their face once they turned to face you. Eyes once warm and full of life were now filled with this cold uncaringness that froze you still as it chilled your spine. Regan was normally so nice and loving but this was something different. This was not the Regan you knew. For a brief moment you thought that they were the Demon instead of the thing they were trying to summon.

“Don’t worry, I got her from a local shelter. Poor thing was in a coma, so they were gonna put her down anyway. I’m just doing it so at least her life could be useful in one way,” Regan shrugged coldly which only sent another shiver down your spine.

Although you were not able to fully process their words before they drove the knife right through the innocent cat’s body again and again and again. Blood splattered onto them in a bloody fountain while some leaked out from beneath the cat and dripped down over the edge of the metal bed as it collected in a puddle before spreading out and hitting the chalk that made up the summoning circle. The blood by some supernatural force started to multiply and flood the chalk with the crimson liquid before it came to life with a sudden burst of flames that knocked you to the ground with a thud.

Your head hit the floor and everything seemed to blur as you let out a pathetic groan. Even with the blur you could see the flames as they spread around the room causing everything flammable to catch alight to be turned to ash by its gluttonous hunger. You had started to accept your fate of being engulfed by the flames as all your body felt like it was being weighed down by a thousand suns making it impossible to scream. That was until you heard that glass shattering scream followed by a maniac laughter that echoed around the room. You just had to look up, how could you not?

Your eyes strained to try and figure out the shape hunched over the altar as your whole body screamed out not too as you began to force yourself to sit up. It only took a few moments before you saw it.

It was a disgusting thing you had never seen the likes of before. A ghastly mass of muscles and eyes that shambled in its movements, the only thing keeping it together were the scales scattered over the exposed flesh that glistened in the flames by the mucus that coated the veins that pulsed alive with the demonic blood that spewed through them. It made you sick. Especially when you saw the seven long, obsidian claws that were driven right through your (now ex) friend’s chest, blood gurgling out of their mouth with bubbles as it spilt onto the floor.

That thing unrolled a tumorous tongue from its skewered maul that was made up of eyes upon eyes piled onto flesh, exposing the rows upon rows that covered the inside of the dog-like jaw. The thing pulled it upwards, licking up all the blood with a guttural groan as if such a thing gave it a sickening pleasure.

“Thank you for summoning me, finally don’t have to use an avatar to have my fun now,” it told you with a sadistic smile on its face, it did not need to even move its mouth for its words to come out, you could still hear its raspy voice anyway.

It turned its head back to your friend and used its claws to carve its way down your friend's chest before pulling back their skin to expose their wet inside to the smokey air. First it took their intestines out and wrapped it around their horns which spiralled upwards as if they had once been joined together to make a circle. Then it pulled out Regan’s heart and chucked it into its mouth and chewed on it for a few seconds before spitting it out in disgust.

“Ugh, disgusting... impure..." It growled before turning to you.

It turned its claws downwards and slowly let Regan drop off like they were a toy that had unsatisfied it as it let their body crumple with a thud. It slowly began to crawl to you as it spoke again with that haunting voice that seemed to fill your body.

“I’ll have fun with them later but how about I try a pretty thing like you out first?” it asked mockingly as if it was trying to toy with you in what should have been your last moments.

You tried to desperately crawl away but your body was too weak from the floor to move to save yourself from whatever it wanted. You wanted to scream and shout to try and get someone to notice you so they could save you from your gruesome fate that played out in front of you. But your voice seemed to have vanished, replaced by the burning in your lungs that was caused by the smoke that seemed to fill the room as the oxygen was quickly used up.

Admittedly you sometimes wanted to die when life became too much and the voices seemed to drown out any rational thought but you had never planned to die like this at the hands of that beast. You kept trying to squirm away until it pounced onto your back, pinning you to the floor with an excruciating weight that stopped all of your movements as the little breath you had left was knocked out of you. You wanted to kick yourself free and beat the shit out of this sick fuck but your body had decided otherwise. In all honesty you began to give up especially when you felt its drool and breath run over your neck as it thrusted against your thigh. Tears started to swell up in your eyes as you wanted them to stay put but stream down all at the same time as that sick fuck began to laugh.

Then nothing.

It seemed to stop laughing or moving or even moving. Its weight then fell on you with full force keeping you pinned more than you thought it could before. Then you began to feel wet. Wet all over. As if a warm liquid had been spilt all over you. Then suddenly all the weight seemed to be pulled away as you finally seemed to be able to breathe a true breath even if it was filled with smoke.

You could not understand why it had suddenly stopped. Maybe it thought about how atrocious it was acting? Impossible. So you decided to turn around even if instincts were telling you not to and instead run.

As soon as you turned around you wanted to scream at what you saw. Laying in front of you was a dead Demon laying in a pool of black blood that had soaked into your clothes and behind it, oh God what the fuck was behind it. It looked like a man but it was too tall as four wings sprouted from its back while horns sprouted from its head much like the Demon it had killed but these ones were joined together to create a circle that emitted a light. From beneath the robes, chains, and bones that obscured its body you could see some clearly defined muscles riddled with scars that would have made you slightly blush if you were not thinking about the long metal blade it was pointing towards you as murderous eyes hid behind a skull of a more humanoid demon.

You coward in fear thinking it would kill you like it had done in fear. You whimpered as you pulled your body into itself in a pathetic display and it seemed to... hesitate? You reopened your eyes to look at it as its eyes seemed to be filled by something but you could truly not tell what. It looked away as if thinking for a minute before turning back to you as it lowered his sword.

“C’mon..." it said in a gravelly voice that seemed British as you first heard it.

You did what it said as you felt like you had no other choice as it could clearly kill you. You slowly got up with wobbling legs as you walked over to it to take the bandage hand it had offered. As you took its hand a beam of light came through the roof and not a second later you felt yourself being pulled up with great strength. You screamed as you felt yourself being pulled tight against its chest. Your arms wrapped tightly around the creature as you could feel the toned abs beneath the robes causing a blush to lightly dust your cheeks.

Below you saw the asylum as it burnt away to cinders with the body of Rean, the poor cat, and the Demon inside. Then you turned to see the being that had saved you once more as it continued to fly upwards. That was when you realised what it was. An Angel.

People joked about how Angels actually looked terrifying and that was why they said ‘Do not be afraid.’ when they first saw humans. When looking at the one that held you tightly you understood perfectly as to why. But for now you felt safe as you realised that it was most likely taking you to Heaven.

This was probably not the ending you had thought of when you had agreed to summon a Demon but maybe being saved by this Angel was actually the best choice at the moment.

Taglist: @diejager @frogchiro

So, hi. Sorry, I have not posted in a few days as I have been busy with family. I still can not believe that this is my last post of 2023 since I still can not believe it is the end of the year as it does not feel like it. So yay to a breakdown over the passage of time. To be fair I am not fully happy with it so I may come back and edit it in the future. I just want to say a quick thank you for all the support as I honestly did not expect anyone to enjoy my writing, I hope all your New Year's resolutions come true. Hopefully, I can post more in the coming year as I am planning for more AUs and hopefully a full rewrite of COD MW with some extras. If you guys like this fanfic I will try to post more fanfics and maybe make this summoning fic a series of Ghost taking care of reader and hiding them in Heaven. Or I will try to post some mini-fics depending on what people want so if anyone has any ideas just put them in my askbox and I will try to write a fic on it, even smut. And I may post some headcanons of the characters. Also if you want to be tagged in anything just say as I am trying to organise everything so we can have smooth sailing in the future. But I hope you liked this as I have not wrote a fanfic in a good while. But Happy New Year's Eve and Happy New Year!!!!

[oomslokop]

PINK

i was going for a drive to orange for hannah's wedding

she was getting married to a nice french dude or is that a garçon with sad eyes

one day i was riding in the action bus with them and for the whole trip he put his sad head on her shoulder

meanwhile claire was digging into my nails absentmindedly trying to clean them

that hurt

we were traveling in chloe's old subaru sedan. chloe was from orange

it was during a pit stop at a petrol station that i realised i didn't bring my good shoes that i was supposed to wear for the wedding

they were cream close-toed faux leather mandals that i didn't know were faux and i got them custom-made at one of the (back then) trendy jamet cobblers at perbanas

i was kinda glad i forgot them i started to think they looked shit. like shithousery fuckety fuck fuck unquiet not even luxury

it was during another pit stop this time at a lookout that i realised i also forgot my beatles-style four-buttoned prada suit

i opened the trunk and it wasn't there

it might've been subconscious but how was it SUBconscious when it was so fucking obvious

that i was sabotaging this trip subconsciously deliberately

we had a late lunch at chloe's parents' house and i borrowed my wedding outfit from the dad

they fit perfectly except now in a white safari shirt i looked like a white lotus dick

the only thing i had that was mine was a levi's dark navy twill pants that at a glance passed for a formal-ish chino because the fabric was kinda shiny

we stayed in errol's, hannah's dad's house on a hill in orange with a view of a single jacaranda tree we could see from our bedroom window

the house was all blonde wood which made it feel both unfinished and welcoming

errol was a late-blooming artist who spent most of his life working at the arnott's factory in orange

hannah was also an artist, went to the art school in canberra, and had had a group show at a tiny gallery in surry hills that i wanted to see but claire, her cousin, my girlfriend then, didn't

i went to see it one afternoon making sure no one else was there

she did pretty things with onion paper, tiny fragile things that resembled colonies or crumpled shredded skin

there was also an incompleteness to her works that was charming and welcoming

i wonder if she ever made it in the art world

after the beautiful outdoor wedding under a grey sky, me shivering in the cold sans jacket, lloyd, claire's dad got us to move out of the wooden house and camped out in the bush not too far away, i think it was still in errol's property

he even set up a portable shower, a massive army green canvas water tank that he hung off a thick eucalyptus tree branch, with a shower head at the bottom

i thought of telling him a mandi would be much easier to set up and much more water-efficient but i restrained myself

that happened later

i don't know to this day why we had to sleep in a cold tent when we could've stayed in the charming blonde wooden house

i don't think i even fucked claire in the tent

lloyd made good eggs for breakfast, so there was that

later on i wrote a poem about a tree, a pond, no ducks, and winter for my first collection of poems and called it orange

have you seen sidewalks of london?

people who stay outside for too long find inside not a welcoming place to be

[punkscowardschampions]

JC pt.2

Casey: only the sherry I were saving for next christmas and the christmas after that

Janis: what a shame, you’ll have to buy your own 👩‍🦳😘 gifts

Casey: know what to get you now, tah for the piss easy wrapping job

Janis: I get real presents

Casey: what’s realer than your new fave tipple

Janis: why are you so hung up on it?

Casey: calm down, you’ll get other presents off me an’ all

Janis: you better still like me then

Casey: by next christmas or the one after, do you mean

Janis: short and long term

Casey: I’ll still like you when you’re a proper real 👩‍🦳

Janis: more, pervert

Casey: could go for ‘til I’m dead and hit a different niche if you’re tired of that kink being the only talked about

Janis: necro is definitely much more niche, far as they go

Janis: you won’t tell me any real ones

Casey: you’ve not asked

Janis: because we’ve not had our drinks yet

Janis: but you’re scared that if we did it it wouldn’t live up to your fantasies, I get it

Casey: you are the fantasy, you’ve nowt to live up to

Casey: whatever we did I’d get new ones

Janis: and you know that nothing will stop us being best mates

Janis: it’s too late for an alternative

Casey: I just don’t want to lose you

Janis: You won’t

Janis: this is my decision, whatever I do, it’s not your fault and I’m not going to blame you or some bullshit 

Casey: okay, I hear you

Janis: how I feel about you has nothing to do with the state of the rest of my life, it’s separate, always has been

Janis: Bob would have it be that cliche and simple but it just ain’t

Casey: least it’s dead simple to keep it separate from him, however loud you scream my name

Janis: his one saving grace right now, yeah

Janis: +blind had to be too much to ask for though 🙄

Casey: come on, leave your sister’s name out of this, she’s as big of a turn off as him or me talking about my feelings

Janis: you only talk about your feelings with [the school therapist’s name]

Janis: see how it is

Casey: you remember where that got us, fighting her off to this day, speaking of turns offs

Janis: fighting with me is more fun

Janis: or have you forgot

Casey: nah ‘course not, nor have I forgot how fun it were when you said you’d fight her

Janis: still on the cards

Janis: how am I to know it’s little more than a baseless rumour

Casey: you always take my word and are on my side

Janis: ‘cos you do for me, we have to stick together

Casey: fuck it, I’ll pack you with the rest of my stuff

Janis: it’s pathetic how much I want to come with you

Casey: it’s mutual, I need you that bad all the time

Janis: I want to be back on the sofa with you 

Casey: we should be in my room, we’re not meant to have left yet or gone nowhere from when the film finished

Janis: Meet me there

Casey: stay there, don’t matter how wet you get my bed

Janis: I’ll sleep in your bed until you come back to me

Casey: you don’t sleep

Janis: Barely

Janis: but there’s a lot more I can do in your room rather than losing my mind in my own

Casey: I get it, I lose my mind here instead thinking about you there

Janis: I know it’s unfair

Janis: but I want to be closer to you, I have to do this

Casey: go and get in

Janis: [do and send him photographic evidence of you in his sheets without sending a full nude ‘cos obviously you are]

Casey: you gonna tell me how you feel or save that for [the school therapist]

Janis: she’d understand but 

Janis: I’m the only one that should be here, smelling you and seeing the evidence of you getting ready for work, the tea you left half-finished

Casey: you finish it

Janis: [not the video for the BIG swallow]

Janis: we share everything

Casey: never shared a bed before

Janis: we’re going to

Janis: I belong in here with you

Casey: I know, why I knew to change the sheets for you before I went out

Janis: Your girlfriend knew when I made her leave

Janis: how close we are, only getting closer

Casey: feels wrong even calling her that now

Janis: I can’t let anyone get between us, today made me realise what I was only pretending not to know

Janis: any girlfriend you have needs to get used to you being mine over everything

Casey: they can get used to it for us, I won’t, I told you

Casey: even when I’ve watched that vid ‘til I’m blind

Janis: You’ve always been my Casey

Janis: you’re not leaving me, not for nobody

Casey: tell me again

Janis: You belong to and with me

Janis: they want me to let you go but you want me to keep you close, hold you tighter

Janis: don’t you?

Casey: the grip I’d have on you right now if I could, you’d have no questions about

Janis: I’ll try not to rip your sheets with mine

Janis: but the neighbours know all about who I belong to now

Casey: put a hole in ‘em I can put myself in when you’re not there no more

Casey: I’ll use it to remind the neighbours of everything they’ve gotta know

Janis: 🥺

Janis: the sweetest boy, you deserve all the reminders yourself

Casey: [tell her which pillow is your fave/you use the most so she can leave you whatever reminders she wants with it]

Janis: you said it’s okay if I get your bed really wet, didn’t you

Janis: [send him a pic of said pillow between your legs]

Casey: we share everything, you said that

Janis: *our bed, you’re right

Casey: and you won’t want nobody else washing these work clothes ‘cause the state they’ll be in is all yours

Janis: I was thinking how good the clothes on your floor would look on me but

Janis: now I have to wait

Casey: you don’t, they was what I had on earlier, you can share them too

Janis: you promise that mess belongs to me too?

Casey: who else would it, today were our day

Janis: yeah

Janis: I looked after you every other way, it’s only right, really

Casey: put ‘em on when you can’t sleep, be like I’m holding you ‘til you do

Janis: Everything is going to smell like [whatever bubble bath he used and your shampoo and conditioner scents]

Janis: you can let it get you to sleep too

Casey: I used to nick your shampoo but some lad at school smelt it and called us gay, worth the suspension to beat the shit out of him and the time off school meant I could carry on for that fortnight

Casey: you didn’t notice back then

Janis: I weren’t allowed

Janis: how could we pretend I could sort it when it was my fault

Casey: nah, was his for getting close enough to smell my hair, that’s well gayer

Janis: I mean

Janis: you were in demand

Casey: fittest lad in Dublin

Janis: too right

Casey: leave it out, you’ve had to hang off loads of male models for pics and I’ve wanted to smash all their faces in

Janis: and you know they’ve all the personality of their vacant stares

Janis: just dead good at my job of pretending they ain’t the clothes horse stereotype

Casey: still, the ones who never came back to work were the ones I found and left in no state to

Janis: are you winding me up again?

Casey: get back in my head and read

Janis: you never said anything

Casey: page 1, I can’t hack no dickhead touching you but me

Casey: don’t need saying

Janis: I like hearing it

Casey: [a voice note saying ‘you’re mine’ because simply must]

Janis: It’s right, that I’m yours

Casey: It’s wrong to pretend different now

Janis: I don’t know how

Janis: trying to get up and leave this bed, I seriously can’t

Casey: your body knows what position it’s meant to be in, it’s trying to tell you

Janis: I’m listening

Casey: and the where

Janis: nothing can be unsaid, undone

Janis: and I don’t want it to

Janis: you know how serious I am

Casey: play what I said again when you want reminding it’s mutual

Janis: meaning I’d have to have stopped yet

Janis: your voice is the only one in my head right now

Casey: [obvs send her another voice note telling her not to stop because again simply must, his voice managing to be even more indecent and !! somehow]

Janis: why haven’t we been talking like this forever

Janis: it was already my favourite thing to do but now

Casey: today made you realise

Janis: I’m not thanking either of them

Janis: only you, for not giving up on me

Casey: I don’t wanna share that with ‘em, you’re alright

Janis: You put in the proper work, it’s all good

Janis: no sharing

Casey: would’ve been better if I’d put in the work to cover your lips in something other than [whatever this dessert moment from dessertgate was] and watched you try not to lick it off

Janis: we needed to be sharing that thought

Janis: you’re too right and too far away

Casey: tomorrow I’ll fill up a shot glass and you can empty it in front of me

Janis: you’ll have to explain it’s another just for me

Janis: I can’t promise niceness as well as self-control, like

Casey: I won’t, they’ll know exactly who it’s for

Janis: I’ll prop up your bar all night, I promise

Casey: neither you or that glass’ll go far enough to be lost or nicked, I’m having both back home with me

Janis: I’ll write your name with my tongue when you finally let me have it

Casey: half my name’s yours already, only fair to give you the other for doing what you fancy with

Janis: [give him an updated name moment because you know it’s likewise beyond indecent and !! loud now]

Casey: [send your updated ‘fuck’ in response because unlike when you did it quietly during her massage moment this is loud af and a MOAN so you have to]

Janis: I don’t regret touching you there, to be caught

Janis: you know I’d do it all again to make you sound like that

Casey: I’ll not regret getting caught, if I am, for how I sound

Janis: I’ll talk to them for you, get you off

Janis: that’s what I’m for

Casey: yeah, getting me off is what you’re the best at

Janis: You know I love listening to you cum

Casey: no other lass knows how to make me the way you do

Janis: we’re the same, we always have been

Janis: I can’t wait to show you just how similar

Casey: I can’t wait either

Casey: I really can’t

Janis: I’ll lick your clothes clean, like I said, you can cum for me, it won’t go to waste

Casey: [send her the audio for that because she said she loves listening to it so you gotta, the levels of extraness in how he is cannot be overstated and she needs to KNOW cos he’s being so loud and can’t and won’t stop saying her name + the OG petname from the blanket playfight is defs also making it in there amongst all the noise]

Janis: That’s my fucking boy, goddamn

Janis: I’ve made a mess for you to clean up too, it just happened when you called me [the pet name] I lost any control over myself to you

Casey: I dunno how I’m gonna crack on with chucking [the studenty drink she mentioned] at pissheads like that didn’t just happen

Janis: How you’ve always done it, how we have

Janis: I could go downstairs if you want it to be a bit more fair but

Casey: but I don’t want you to move from my bed

Janis: [a pic that shows these sheets looking a whole mess how they would]

Janis: I don’t want to leave here, ever

Casey: stay, we both need you to

Janis: I will, you know what’s best for me and you always give it to me

Janis: can I make the fact you have to go and deal with dickheads again any better?

Casey: you’ve taken more than good care of us

Janis: I really do try

Casey: I’ll give you a proper reward when them dickheads ain’t waiting and only you are

Janis: 😇 ‘til then

Janis: let someone buy you a drink, you should hydrate

Casey: I’ll make myself [whatever drink she was making for him regardless of the fact I don’t think she finished before the Bobby interruption and icecubegate of it all so it’s adorably half finished and might not even taste nice but he’s intending to drink it like that unless she tells him what to add cos feels and mems]

Janis: [have a cute lil instructional to tell him the ingredients you didn’t get to so you can relive the mems but also make this drink as feelsy/hopefully nice as you can]

Casey: [ofc send her a video of your first SWALLOW of it like she did with the cold tea, complete with the absolute grin + heart eyes you can’t help at the end because it does taste nice and is feelsy]

Janis: I’ll be here forever 🔁

Janis: do you really like it? I’ll accept feedback just this once, like

Casey: I’d give it a 8.5

Casey: but be a 10 if you’d been here making it

Janis: I can work with that

Casey: improved on your 7 you got copying us

Janis: rude, I was watching and learning, have you know

Casey: sorry I messed up the teaching

Casey: you never found no more glass washing your hair, did you

Janis: I was proper careful, no more bleeding

Casey: alright, good

Janis: and Mags is going to replace the broken glasses

Casey: I’ll take some clean from this place, tell her it’s sorted before she legs it into town to buy owt

Janis: Betting she’d be liberating some from my ma’s, house or the shop but yeah

Janis: think it’s best she’s not stopping by, just another reason for Bob to be marding

Casey: how many did I break, just our 2 we was using or what

Janis: [let him know, the kitchen was famously clean so probably just the two and whatever you may have been using to mix]

Janis: it was the [spirit of your choice] that went everywhere, made it look like a bigger mess than it was

Casey: I’ll replace that an’ all, without nicking it from here, obviously, their spirits start out cheap and then end up watered down to shit

Janis: Uni kids don’t notice the difference

Casey: lets ‘em pretend they’re in [whatever the shit hol destination of the era for teens and messy 20s peeps is] when they can’t afford either the passport or the time off, whichever

Janis: Do you like it there?

Casey: more than [name drop some other clubs you’ve worked when you first started cos ofc they were the shittest as straight out of school jobs]

Janis: I remember when you were at [whichever was giving the craziest because you would]

Casey: I worried you

Janis: A bit

Janis: don’t take the piss though

Casey: helped us calm down loads since then, you

Casey: I don’t ever take the piss now

Janis: never ever, yeah

Janis: but really, it’s nice to not think you might die every time you leave the house, like

Casey: steady on mate, weren’t that bad

Janis: okay, seriously injured/banged up

Casey: oi, listen drama queen, you know I’ve crawled my way home to you spitting blood and I’d fight my way past loads of guards trying to arrest me too if I’d not had my goodbye

Janis: I’ll beat ‘em to the punch if you call me that again, boy

Casey: I’ll make it back to you no matter what, every night

Janis: nice save

Janis: You really will see me, I can’t stand it if you stay away now, it was already going to be shit

Casey: you’re my girl, fittest in Dublin

Casey: can’t stay away

Janis: say that again

Casey: you heard, we belong together not you in [whatever dublin number the jj gaff is] and me in [dublin numbers he gave before]

Janis: making me search the emojis to 🥰 like some kind of stupid girl

Janis: what are you doing to me?

Casey: I liked when you used 🥺 

Casey: what that did to us

Janis: You’re so not ready to see it in person

Casey: challenging me, are you

Janis: call it a warning

Casey: a real mate would prepare us

Casey: go on, show me your best 🥺

Janis: [of course you must]

Casey: I’ll not blink for a full minute, see if that’ll mean my heart don’t feel like it’s exploding out my chest

Janis: reckon my heart is keeping pace with yours, hard to believe I’ve not moved from this bed 

Casey: [send her your actual heart rate info, rn but also during those feral antics, because we’ve said in other convos we’ve done they’d have an app or whatever cos running queens and it’d be logged]

Janis: [send him yours to compare because you feel a type of way about this information of course]

Janis: it keeps telling me to rest but fuck that

Casey: might show mine to my boss so he reckons I’m about to have a [whatever your era’s slang is for whatever stimulants the cool kids doing] heart attack and sends us off early

Janis: might send you off in an ambulance and no one else is allowed to nurse you

Casey: I’d jump out at the first red, ain’t gonna be the first time I’ve done it

Janis: can’t support that behaviour but

Casey: probably have their sirens on for a proper emergency and run ‘em, what you’ve done to us

Janis: I could beat it there and my PR, to be alone with you now

Casey: my girl would behave like that

Janis: and she always has, any time you asked

Casey: why I fucking love you, sod whoever asked us not to

Janis: I’m sick of not giving you every ounce of love I have, you deserve it so much

Casey: tell me I can fake being, I’m sick of being nowhere near you, even if we’re not alone

Janis: come home to me, baby

Janis: you’ve worked hard enough staying standing

Casey: [a pause while you try and get in touch with your boss who is probably not even there and has left you in charge cos slow night]

Casey: Twat ain’t answering

Janis: ‘course he ain’t

Janis: probably had the same idea but way less fun

Casey: I’ll just walk, can only sack us

Janis: You sure?

Casey: it’d piss on tomorrow though and I did invite you down

Janis: and there were so many things we were going to do

Janis: maybe we have to be good

Casey: for the rest of tonight as trade off for how you’ll behave when you get here the next

Janis: exactly

Janis: you know you need me covered in your cum in public, it’ll be worth every second until

Casey: and you’ll wait up for us

Janis: you’ve got to tell me how your shift was, nothing wrong with that

Casey: brew and a blanket’s dead innocent

Janis: what are best mates for

Casey: [a nearby all night garage or shop that’ll be open by the time he finishes]’ll be open, might treat you to some right posh biscuits even

Janis: you spoil me

Casey: gotta keep your strength up

Janis: I think I need you to hold me and feed ‘em to me

Janis: you don’t mind, do you

Casey: think I can manage it, for you

Janis: just realised how weak I’m feeling all at once

Casey: close your eyes a sec

Casey: deep breaths for me

Janis: [recording this because giving big swallow vibes with this dramatic breathing]

Janis: like that?

Casey: that’s it

Janis: is your heart slowing down a little?

Casey: sped up, more like

Janis: I feel like mine weren’t beating before, now it’s all I can hear with my breathing

Casey: I had no clue my chest could ache hearing somebody else breathe

Janis: If all we can do is breathe together tonight

Janis: this will still be the best night of my life

Casey: and mine

Janis: feeling your heartbeat against me whilst you hold me, your breath tickling my neck

Casey: your hair trying to suffocate me

Janis: you want it in your mouth

Casey: you’ll want that an’ all when I pull it with my teeth

Janis: your hands will be around my throat, got to do it somehow

Casey: both of them this time, staying put for longer than the sec I got to touch you earlier

Janis: I keep coming back to those thoughts, how much further we should have taken everything

Casey: he’d have walked in on us

Janis: already did, apparently

Casey: but actually and he’s obviously never seen the likes of what I’d be doing to you

Janis: maybe he needs to, got to learn to deal with all that stress somehow anyway

Casey: gutted you was in my room where he’d not be seen dead

Janis: was a tiny bit paranoid he might come in to break some of your shit

Janis: but that’s not his style

Casey: no neighbours bothered calling the guards to check on you neither, what’s our street coming to, like

Janis: and you’ve been relentless, real danger here lads

Casey: screaming ages, you

Casey: pisstake of the lot of ‘em not to do the decent thing

Janis: they know what’s good for ‘em, have to say that

Janis: they know I don’t play when it comes to you

Casey: just with me

Janis: I miss my favourite playmate, you should be pinning me to this bed right now

Casey: you know you wanna hit us in the face with that pillow

Janis: do my best not to smother you proper

Janis: but you need to taste me whilst you’re gasping for air

Casey: ache I had has moved, thinking about the taste of you

Janis: [you tasting yourself off your own fingers indecently in a lil vid]

Janis: I’ll let you, if you let me feel how it gets you, sit in your lap

Casey: I’ll let you sit on the bar and try not to gasp like you’ve run flights of stairs at what you’re gonna feel me do

Janis: I can do it, I’ll be so quiet and good if you just touch me how I need you to all the time

Casey: you’ll be so loud they’ll reckon every song’s a remix they’ve not heard before but they’ll be requesting every night after

Janis: I’m yours every night, wherever we are and whoever’s around

Casey: nobody else is ‘round me when you are, I don’t even know none of them

Janis: only us matters

Janis: no one else will ever be able to touch me when I have you, who cares what they see

Casey: they’ll get a broken eye socket for looking too long

Janis: that’s my boy

Casey: ambulances for every other dickhead ‘til we’re alone

Janis: I would get so much bloodier for you than some cut, you know that

Janis: what I would do for you, want to

Casey: you said it, we’re the same

Janis: I love you like a brother, so deep

Casey: more than them pair, like the brothers I should’ve had

Casey: sister I never got

Janis: I’ll be everything I can be for you, I love having you all to myself, I can’t help it

Casey: I’ll be buzzing when you can meet mum though

Janis: I will be to see you so happy

Janis: it doesn’t matter what she thinks of me

Casey: but she’ll love you

Janis: why do you think so?

Casey: she used to ask me about girlfriends before she went and I had nothing proper to say then

Janis: You were a baby

Janis: you gonna talk about me, really?

Casey: *kid, but she’d call us a right little heartbreaker and shit like that

Casey: I’d write her a letter but you can’t give us a hand when it’s about you, it’ll have to wait

Janis: I can see it, you’ve always been adorable, moment I met you

Janis: but I’ll help you really, whatever you need to say

Casey: I get it, you fancy half the prison and whoever runs it knowing how I feel about you

Janis: an ego, me? Never

Janis: I want everyone to know, how it feels right now, however dumb that obviously is

Casey: it ain’t, I’d shout from the rooftops

Casey: have done when I were off my face on [a relevant drug]

Janis: I’ll cry or pass out or something drastic 

Janis: you can’t just drop that on me and not expect me to explode

Casey: [tell her more about exactly when it was and the things you remember saying/the things mates of yours still bring up that you said, I won’t commit us to any deets but we all know it coincided with some kind of feelsy jc moment before he went out which she may or may not recall when given said when, because always]

Janis: I should have known, I should have done things differently

Casey: you are tonight

Janis: Do you think she’ll still like me, I looked after you, even if I got some of it wrong

Casey: ‘course she will, loads of nights I couldn’t have got it wronger and you still liked me

Janis: I’m meant to be older and sensible

Casey: you’re hardly no older

Casey: and you make us happy, all she’s bothered about, that

Janis: okay

Casey: doing what makes you feel good is what makes Debs her and no other dickhead has ever got near you for it with me, she’ll be chuffed to bits

Janis: all I care about is you being happy

Janis: the past is what it is, no changing that but we have now

Casey: no denying I were a knobhead in the past and still a kid before then

Casey: I don’t blame you

Janis: There’s loads of reasons why we couldn’t, me more than you, not going to say otherwise

Casey: yeah, reasons we’ve no need to do our heads in going over

Janis: yeah, not now

Casey: they’re going nowhere

Janis: neither are we

Casey: you’re pinned to the bed, good luck, mate

Janis: I’ve got ways to make you give, if that’s what I want

Casey: bet you have, but you don’t wanna use ‘em at the minute

Janis: not even a little

Casey: you’ve gotta feel me on top of you

Janis: ‘til I can’t feel anything

Casey: ‘til you feel part of the bed, you’re pressed that deep in it

Casey: how deep I need to be in you

Janis: your boss is now on my hit list

Janis: it’s so wrong you aren't inside me now

Casey: you’ll forget hollow and only reckon you was ever full

Janis: keep me like that

Casey: show us the hole you ripped, I’ll tell you if it needs to be bigger, when to stop

Janis: [send that picture]

Janis: 👀

Casey: [do prepare her for however big your dick is via letting her know in this manner because you’re such a good friend like that nbd]

Janis: trust you’re not lying and ruining a perfectly good sheet for nothing

Casey: I trust you’ve gone scrolling through my pics to find the reflection proving I’m not

Janis: You have been keeping me a little busy

Janis: but I believe you

Casey: my bad, go and search now

Casey: I’ll do some work

Janis: you’re not worried about anyone seeing?

Casey: I’m in too good of a mood

Janis: you’re a show-off, what you are

Casey: if you’re really worried about us showing off to everybody, delete it when you scroll far enough

Casey: [not him giving her his log in deets so she can]

Janis: I’m as worried as you are I’ll read all your messages now

Janis: you’ve got every right and reason to show off

Casey: you can read how jealous she is of you instead of taking my word for it

Janis: what if I end up jealous myself

Casey: you already did

Janis: but fucking embarrassing jealous

Casey: I don’t reckon you’re capable of embarrassing yourself, never mind me

Janis: I just get jealous too easy

Casey: you get jealous when it feels right, same as I do

Janis: if you talked to her like this, any of them

Janis: then I wouldn’t know what to do

Casey: I wouldn’t know how to

Janis: I know you like her, that that’s normal and allowed 

Janis: but if we’re not special, we have to be

Casey: you married him, I had to try and like her

Casey: do something before I was an uncle and up on that roof to chuck myself off

Janis: don’t say that

Janis: forget I said any of this, I do know it’s irrational as well as unfair, we’re good

Casey: don’t do it

Casey: and I won’t like her

Janis: why does everyone think I’m pregnant, fucking hell

Casey: why else are people marrying

Casey: I thought you was going down the aisle

Janis: glad I looked that stunning for that assumption

Casey: I never said you looked like the baby’d be joining you for the reception

Janis: he’s never spoke about kids, for the obvious reasons

Casey: he don’t speak

Janis: he does to me

Janis: did

Casey: alright, congrats while that lasted

Janis: thanks so much

Casey: what do you expect us to bloody say

Janis: I didn’t bring this up

Janis: obviously it’s not a good idea to talk about

Casey: weren’t me who brought it up

Janis: then we can drop it

Casey: fuck’s sake

Casey: top idea

Janis: I can’t give you better news, my marriage failed and I’m never having kids

Casey: you could’ve said no to marrying him when I basically begged you not to 1st I heard about it

Janis: we said, I can’t go back

Janis: I don’t know why it’s not enough that it didn’t work, that it’s going to have to end

Casey: ‘course you don’t get why it’d not be enough, you’re used to giving us scraps and watching me take ‘em

Janis: you know why I married him

Janis: if you can’t get past it then just

Janis: tell me, you could’ve said sooner but oh well

Casey: you let us beg you, something I ain’t done since I was young and thick enough to reckon it’d stop my dad belting me and then you cracked on with buying a dress and all that bollocks as if you was fucking deaf

Janis: I didn’t ask you to

Janis: I know it was an impossible situation for you to be in, how do you think he’ll feel now

Janis: I can’t do right either way

Casey: I lost it, can’t remember weeks of then

Casey: I know how he’ll feel, what he’ll do

Janis: that makes three of us

Janis: and we’ve run this scene before so you can save yourself from the awkward repeat

Casey: [shoutout another bottle even further back in the cupboard than the sherry that’s giving random local spirit some brought back from holiday once but has been gathering dust since, we know the vibes, and his twist to make it vaguely bearable how he do, like if you wanna go back to drowning your sorrows again, go ahead]

Janis: That’s your professional advice, yeah?

Janis: thanks

Casey: as my boss didn’t bother replying and I’m the closest to professional ‘round here

Janis: fact you’re glad of now

Casey: don’t say that

Janis: you said it first

Casey: I never said I regret none of this

Janis: Yeah, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen though, and that’s right, sure, we shouldn’t do it to him

Casey: we’ve already done it

Casey: to him and each other

Janis: I know that

Janis: that doesn’t make when you decided to stop irrelevant

Casey: what are you on about

Casey: I’ve not made no decision

Janis: You said you know what he’ll do

Janis: I can read between the lines

Casey: ‘cause I’m not so thick I can’t read him

Casey: no shit I know what he’ll do, don’t mean it’s stopping us

Casey: when has owt he’s ever done, from the off

Janis: ‘cos none of us want him to top himself, however fractured your relationship, I know that

Casey: none of us are letting that happen

Janis: doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything to stop him

Casey: shut up, you would

Janis: it makes anything I do for myself selfish

Janis: because I could never be as sad as him, however shit I feel, I should just deal with it

Casey: however shit you feel, you do, there’s the difference between you and him

Casey: you don’t get to fucking break, you have to keep on and hack it

Janis: exactly and I have to stay with him even though he’s not even here so it is worse than just being alone

Casey: it’s fucked, it’s been fucked ages

Janis: I’m trapped and no one else gives a fuck, or sees it

Janis: about him or me

Casey: you’ve got me

Janis: Don’t try to leave me to it

Casey: I ain’t even just leaving him to it, never mind you

Janis: If no one else sees it, you do, you can’t pretend otherwise, that we’re happy

Casey: name 1 time I’ve ever, pair of you don’t work and you’re the dickheads pretending you could

Janis: I don’t want to argue anymore but we did

Janis: just don’t anymore

Casey: back then, years since, you can’t argue against that

Janis: day at a time turns into that without notice

Janis: don’t know how it’s been like this for that long

Casey: next you know you’re shaking a baby about and he’s drinking himself to death

Janis: It’s not happening, alright

Casey: you heard me, I can’t lose you

Janis: I’m not going anywhere without you

Casey: swear on his life ‘cause he’s going nowhere either while I’m still breathing

Janis: just because I couldn’t fix him doesn’t mean that’s not still what I want

Casey: and ‘cause it hurts us to feel it run don’t mean I reckon you can turn off what you feel for him like a tap

Janis: You can’t turn something into nothing

Janis: if it don’t exist to begin with, that’s easy, I don’t give a fuck about my dad

Janis: but you can’t stop loving your parents

Casey: exactly, our kid’s got no love lost from never having none he remembers to begin with, but I’d have ‘em both back in a heartbeat if they wanted to come

Janis: I know

Janis: fucking feelings, who’d have ‘em

Casey: I was a massive twat to throw my toys out over the wedding, you can’t undo it

Casey: just frustrates me, all the bollocks does

Janis: I get it

Janis: you know it wouldn’t make it any easier now, like paperwork-wise is about the only way and that’s the least of anyone’s worries

Casey: Bob’s probably got hold of it and he’s planning your murder on the back, like

Janis: All boys need hobbies, like

Janis: no one regrets going ahead with it more than me, might’ve been a wake-up call if I’d not

Casey: wake up calls don’t work on Jim ‘cause he don’t fancy waking up

Janis: I was as bad, not listening to you

Casey: and I’ve done the same, listening to my dad or going to his instead of you, how many times

Janis: not about to call you perfect, don’t worry

Casey: you obviously didn’t take my advice and another bottle out the cupboard then

Janis: thought you were being a dickhead just to be one

Janis: but I could do

Casey: oi

Janis: oi yourself

Casey: don’t start being a dickhead to me when I’ve not yet had chance to recover from how you was treating us before

Janis: It’s mutual

Janis: that’s why I freaked out so much, thinking you were saying what you were saying

Casey: I dunno how we got there, I talk too much on slow nights

Casey: weren’t meaning to fuck with your head right after getting close as I can for now to fucking you

Janis: I still like talking to you

Janis: maybe not quite as much as the latter but it’s still a close second

Casey: I’m sorry [+ the most horrific petname they managed to come up with when they were taking the piss]

Janis: down to 🥉 real quick

Casey: come on, send your 🥰 again

Casey: go on, please

Janis: um, shut up

Janis: that was a moment of weakness, I’m way too cool to act like that

Casey: nah, but I still love you

Janis: 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Janis: as you can’t tell anyone

Casey: and I said please

Janis: You know how to play nice when you want to

Casey: with you I’ve always wanted to

Janis: I’ll never get over you

Janis: how you make me feel

Casey: don’t, I’ll even say please a 2nd time if I have to

Janis: I won’t make you beg ever again

Casey: different circumstances I’d not be fuming to

Janis: reckoned you might say that

Casey: back in my head like you never pissed off out of it, as you should be

Casey: I’ve missed you

Janis: if I could live in your head as well as your bed, I’d be happy

Janis: not feeling close to you, knowing what you’re thinking and feeling, drives me mental, hate it more than anything

Casey: you can, loads of room for you where the reading and writing shit’s meant to be

Janis: You can do both, don’t be mean to my best friend

Casey: you don’t have to hype us up, it’s alright

Casey: I’ve been out of school years now, how thick I am don’t matter no more

Janis: but you aren’t

Janis: you just weren’t taught properly young enough so it’s not second nature 

Casey: I get it, you want your own 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Janis: it’s just the truth, you’re smart plenty of ways that count in the real world

Casey: shame neither brother lives in the real world but least I’ve got you

Janis: there’s hope

Janis: I dunno, it isn’t in my nature to be optimistic but they could both sort themselves out one day, none of us are dead yet

Casey: I were who you learnt it off

Casey: right little mr 🌞 back in the day, me

Janis: you reminded me of myself so much

Casey: we’re still that alike, remember

Janis: be why I like you so much

Casey: ‘course, bighead

Janis: you know I like you more than I ever have myself really

Janis: and I’m gonna make that drink you said so I’ll let you know if you can be smug yourself

Casey: *love

Casey: if you didn’t before the drink’ll swing it

Janis: not used to being able to say it

Janis: or the reaction my body has to it

Casey: grab my clothes off the floor, I need to hold you so bad right now

Janis: [send him those selfies asap, in a mirror that’s in the hallway or the lounge or somewhere because you’re going to the kitchen is the point]

Casey: I’m doing my own 🥺 no pisstake

Janis: do you want to share with me?

Janis: your clothes felt good against me on your body earlier but it’s even softer this way

Casey: I wanna give you them, with everything else I own

Casey: fucking have all of it, like

Janis: you own me now, I look like your girl

Janis: I can’t stop looking, seeing you all over me

Casey: nor can I 

Janis: I’ll bombard you with photos, whenever we’re not together

Casey: I’ll be able to take them of you when we are

Janis: and take off your clothes to see me, touch me

Casey: an idea you stick to the 1, [whatever this holiday spirit is] is lethal and you’ll be out of it before I get in

Janis: I can keep up with you, you don’t believe us but you’ll see

Casey: and I’ll keep you up, I need you keeping us company

Janis: I dunno how I’ll ever sleep again, how it feels

Janis: nor leave you to do anything boring and normal like work

Casey: I dunno how I’ll stop myself from sitting you on this bar every night

Janis: Don’t stop

Janis: I want it more than anything

Casey: I want you, over and over

Janis: how has it never happened, that doesn’t seem like it can be right

Casey: in our heads it has

Janis: untold times and places and ways, yeah

Casey: I’d get a headache of my own trying to write ‘em all down

Janis: tell me when you get here, as we won’t be able to do anything

Casey: alright, you’ve got yourself a deal and a date

Janis: alright

Janis: no big deal, he says

Casey: I can’t tell you how massive it is, be why

Casey: I don’t have words for how I feel having you waiting and that’s just the start

Janis: I’m counting down ‘til they’re out the door and we’re alone, horrible as it makes me

Janis: and knowing [however many hours ‘til Bobby gets back] isn’t long enough to show you how much I love you

Casey: you won’t get no judgement off me, I’ve been doing that count since I have to 10 on [the school therapist’s] reckoning it’ll cure us

Janis: we’re gonna have to give it a go, gutting as it is for me to have to involve her in any way

Janis: because I don’t see how I’m going to stop myself until [the aforementioned o’clock]

Casey: I could give her a ring, chat to her like I did [his gfs name] if you want her involved in a way what’s some use

Janis: exactly, you can make as much noise as you always do

Janis: me who has to shut up

Casey: I’ll help you, it’d feel different then

Janis: You’re sure you can stop yourself saying my name?

Casey: I haven’t called no other lass it yet, and I constantly think of you

Janis: me either but you’ll be inside of me in the real world as well as you are in your head

Casey: I’ll say it inside your mouth, make you swallow

Janis: good answer

Janis: you’re so [and one of the disgusting pet names because having violent FEELINGS about this rn]

Casey: only fair to give one, you’re a good girl

Janis: 🥺 fuck you, Case

Casey: fuck me, I’m so hard I’m lightheaded

Janis: I want to be the best girl for you, that’s the truth

Janis: I’m on the counters that she cleaned

Casey: she cleaned every single one of ‘em

Janis: because you told her to

Casey: for you to make a mess on is what I’ll tell her

Janis: does she know

Janis: how you want me, on every and any surface

Casey: whole of this town does

Janis: they’ll know when it happens, you disappear because I can’t let you out of my sight

Casey: I’ll chuck my phone away too, can’t go into work or be bothered by no other mates if they can’t get hold of us

Janis: we only need each other, that’s felt true for longer than it’s been acknowledged

Janis: have [how long y’all have known each other] to make up for, world can wait

Casey: been true from the off, you mean the world to me

Janis: I can’t feel guilty now, not how I did

Janis: you’re not a kid and you feel it too, that was all that was ever keeping me from loving you like that

Casey: I don’t love nobody else

Janis: I meant when I said you’d be a good boyfriend

Janis: you deserve to love, like that

Casey: I really meant it about trying but 

Janis: trying isn’t faking, can’t be, if we can learn anything here, like

Janis: not saying you couldn’t love anyone else, of course I don’t want you to though but we know I’m selfish

Casey: she isn’t enough like you to make it real for me, no lass is

Janis: you’re a one-off too

Casey: I get it, seriously won’t be able to show my face here again blushing how I am, you’ll get your way

Casey: least it’s moved the blood ‘round a bit, tah for that

Janis: no consideration for me on the bar for everyone to see, boy

Janis: you’re so used to doing all the work and getting no reward clearly

Casey: I’ve told you what’ll happen if they look

Janis: They can look at you, I would

Janis: but no touching

Casey: they’ll piss off and leave us alone, they know what’s good for ‘em

Janis: but the way you blush is so cute

Casey: [send her a picture obviously, having deliberately gone somewhere with the best lighting for her to actually be able to see a damn thing, I’m imagining outside like he’s innocently having a smoke break for the added hotness of that being included]

Janis: fuck

Janis: that’s what I get for teasing you

Casey: should’ve sent you a pic of what your teasing has actually done

Janis: [something that is comparable in size to what he told her his dick was like via the hole in the sheet, like yes, I’ve not stopped thinking about it, thank you]

Casey: [him here wracking his brain for things in the kitchen that are the size that she could put inside herself nbd a not at all casual list of suggestions]

Janis: Jesus

Janis: you’re so

Casey: you

Casey: *[an updated list of things she could reach without getting off the counter because doesn’t want her to have to move]

Janis: you’re okay with this being all your fault, yeah

Janis: because it’s a have to now

Casey: you won’t get no arguments off us when you tell me to clean the kitchen up this time, it’s alright

Janis: I’ll let you make a bigger mess first, promise

Casey: counters are already gonna be somewhere I’d eat my dinner off before I start

Janis: do need your strength

Casey: you do, all my strength fucking that [object] into you

Casey: I’ll let you borrow it for a bit, sort of mate I am

Janis: you’re so good to me, why you’re my best friend

Casey: maybe you’ll have a new one in [said object] and I’ll have to break it ‘cause I’m jealous

Janis: I’m just using it until I can see you

Janis: nothing or nobody replaces you

Casey: how’s it feel

Janis: [sending the tiniest snippet of audio like literal seconds because all you need to know]

Casey: good answer

Janis: if I could give you a good enough comparison I would but it’s not as easy

Casey: if any comparison existed I’d have found it, looked everywhere and tried everything I could think of

Janis: gonna need you to prove that but 

Janis: we’ve all the time in the world

Casey: challenge accepted

Janis: You can use everything you suggested on me, be able to tell you what’s closest 

Casey: [obviously suggest more things, in every room of this gaff, getting more feral with it like you got more ridiculous with pet names, it’s what y’all do]

Janis: I get it, you really don’t want me moving, yeah

[randombush3]

Two Affairs and a Baby

florence pugh x reader

Summary: you and Florence are not working out

Word count: 811

Warnings: it’s just angst

The red carpet is the last place you and Florence want to be seen together. You come in separate cars. It’s for your newest movie, something that you’d begun filming a week after your daughter was born. Your wife almost didn’t attend out of spite.

You’d been to marriage counselling a few times, tried to fix the relationship. She was too busy. No, you were too busy. She felt like you left her to do all of the housework. How could you do that when she was always out?

Night after night was spent arguing about something or other, never letting the other person talk. Fights would end when your daughter woke up from the shouting, screaming her head off at the two of you because it was so selfish to put your marriage before her sleep. It was selfish to put yourselves before your marriage.

You were grocery shopping for the week when you met her; beautiful, familiar. She’d interviewed you once before. She didn’t care if you didn’t remember her name. Somehow she’d gotten you back to her place, telling you nobody would know, and you’d listened to her, letting her unclasp your bra while Florence changed the nappies.

It was meaningless.

You didn’t tell Florence.

She questioned why you’d come back home late, or why your daughter was always left at home during those ‘errands’ you quickly went from despising to enjoying. “I feel like we’re not communicating,” she’d say, not realising how blatantly obvious it was that you were fucking someone else. Surely she could have noticed? You never slept together anymore. It was an achievement to make it into the same bed.

You took her ignorance as her not caring about you. The spark had ignited only briefly, of course. The press would say celebrity marriages just get shorter and shorter, and add you two to the list of names that once loved and no longer could. “It was no one’s fault,” would be your statement in the next interview, “we just drifted apart.” She would say, “it was just not meant to be.” And to the comments about you two being so in love, you’d have to reply that you were, it just didn’t last.

It just didn’t last…

And then you’d found out Florence was seeing someone else. It was hurtful. Sex with that woman was just a cry for attention with the bonus of momentary pleasure. Your wife was actually going on dates with that man.

Stuck in between this, your daughter grew up. “Mummy’s in her flat,” would be the explanation as she was dropped from place to place with minimal contact. You guys were still legally married. No one knew.

Christmas that year had rolled around sluggishly. Florence took your daughter to England, staying with her parents for three weeks. You spent the day with two bottles of wine and the night with a different woman. The first one had declared that she loved you more than Florence ever could. That was hard to do. To the Pughs, you were filming and couldn’t make it, but you wished you could. Your daughter didn’t know if she should be telling Auntie Raffie that her mothers don’t live together anymore.

Raffie called you to ask, not wanting to bring it up with her sister when it was clear her sister did not want it to be known. “I don’t know,” you’d answered when she asked about getting divorced. “It’s complicated.” It had been two days after the twenty-fifth, then. Most of your feelings had subsided. You were on auto-pilot. “She’s having an affair.” You hung up straight after.

Florence came back after New Year’s, joining you in the bed you’d once shared. The house was under both of your names. You’d stayed there because the paparazzi usually camping outside had started to realise that no lights were on in the house yet you were still frequenting the grocery store.

She had kissed you softly, thumbs wiping your tears, climbing on top of you. It was the most intimate you had been with her for a year.

When you both lay there, breathless, she told you she wanted a divorce.

“You love him,” you stated plainly, letting the words break each of your bones. They severed your nerves, numbed your skin. Your mouth went dry.

“I just can’t love you anymore.”

It was okay. You’d be okay.

Her tears made the pillows wet, and yours added to it. “I know you’ve been sleeping with other women. I’ve known for a while now.” She wasn’t stupid. She did care.

“Why didn’t you bring it up?” The accusation was more pathetic than you’d aimed for. It sounded desperate. You had wanted her to bring it up. She shook her head, hair falling about her shoulders like feathers thrown unwillingly to the wind.

Neither of you apologised.

[webofpassione]

Small Breaks

Fugo x Reader

Content Warnings: References to Polygamy

***

When Fugo was having a bad day, you normally offered to go and spend some time with him. He’d be in a foul mood for the entire time but you took more care to step around any potential triggers than the others often did (Giorno being an exception).

Bucciarati had been on the fence about letting you go out on a night mission with Fugo for multiple reasons. Danger, sleep schedules, and all the other stressors that would come but Giorno was exhausted and you were more than willing to argue your case. So, with about twenty promises to stay in the car and more emergency phones than you knew what to do with, you’d headed out.

It was a long drive and you spoke for none of it.

Your time was spent staring out the window and watching the scenery creep by in the darkness, pretending your hands weren’t interlocked between the seats.

The mission went off perfectly though you didn’t really want to know how Fugo managed to pull it off in record time. With the purple cloud you’d seen drifting up from the old barn, you guessed it didn’t go too well.

Flames licked up the side of the building as you drove away. Bucciarati hated causing destruction to property but it was often the only way to get rid of manufacturing hubs.

And then, in the middle of absolutely nowhere, the car started spluttering.

It came to a lurching stop in the middle of the road, wheezing until it went quiet and darkness wrapped around the vehicle like a blanket. It was so dark that you couldn’t see in front of you properly.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Fugo snarled as he shoved open the door and marched out.

You climbed out your side, eyes flickering across the dark land around you. There was nothing around. You checked the wheels while he desperately tried to get the car started again.

Sighing, you leaned against the side of the car and looked up at the sky. Clouds covered the stars and your gazing was cut short when the entire car trembled under the force of a kick.

“Get inside before something comes and grabs you!” Fugo snapped.

You slid inside and yawned. It was getting really late, actually, the clock having crept past midnight without your notice. “Should we call somebody?”

“I’m already doing that.”

Shrugging, you crawled into the backseat, purposefully bumping his shoulder with your hips just a little. “Want to join me here after you’re done? We can cuddle until they come and get us.”

Fugo didn’t answer, speaking quickly to whoever answered the phone. You got the idea that your rescue would be arriving in just over an hour – not too long at all.

He hung up and you repeated your question.

“If we fall asleep, we’re going to be vulnerable,” he hissed.

“I didn’t say anything about sleep but it’s going to get cold,” you said. “And I have blankets because I’m quite sure they expected me to pass out early.”

“I expected that too.”

You rolled your eyes. “Suit yourself but if you’re going to insist on staying there, let’s see if we can share the blanket.”

You didn’t have to figure out a way because after realising your insistence, Fugo joined you in the backseat. He didn’t want to be too close but he didn’t mind having your legs over his lap so that was how you ended up sitting.

He stared out the window while your eyes drifted over him, watching him when he didn’t know you were looking. Even in the dark, there was something about his expressions that just drew you in. They made you curious to know more about the person that was hiding beneath the very irritable exterior.

“Panna,” you said. “Did you hear about the art thing that’s coming to town?”

“Obviously,” he said and you could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “It was announced this morning. I’m not that slow with news.”

“Do you want to go?”

He scoffed. “No, not at all. It’s not like it’s a fascinating exhibition that will be filled with history and provide great opportunities to learn about various art mediums. There’s no way that I would want to go.”

“We can sneak in,” you offered. “We’ll stick a wig on you and you can steal one of Mista’s outfits.”

Fugo’s voice softened. “I don’t think I’d be able to go even if we did that.”

You had been so excited when the art exhibition had been announced out. Narancia had made plans with you to take Fugo on the day of opening but then its location had been announced and your options were destroyed. It was at Fugo’s old university, sponsored and hosted by the artistic courses.

And that, you had known, was the start of his bad day.

“I refuse to go anywhere near that place. If anybody even vaguely recognises me, you know that my parents would hear about it immediately.”

“And then I tell them to go fuck themselves,” you said without entirely meaning to.

Fugo chuckled without humour. “They’d probably tune you out. There’s very little that you can say to get under their skin.”

“You’d be surprised. I’m very good with insulting people,” you laughed. “I mean, you never know. It’s been years since you’ve spoken to them. Maybe they’ve forgotten you exist.”

“That would be lucky. Maybe they’ve died but I think I’m being a tad too hopeful with that.”

You laughed properly at that and Fugo joined in, the sounds reverberating around the car and almost melting some of the ice in the air. It became more comfortable afterwards; your conversation circling more on him than it normally did.

An hour passed without your notice, cuddling under the thick blanket until you glanced out the window.

“The clouds have passed,” you pointed out. “Come on, let’s stargaze.”

Fugo frowned a little but then he met your eyes and you watched the protest disappear.

The moon gave you a bit of light – though it wasn’t enough. The sleepiness seemed to vanish as you flopped down onto your back, the blanket sprawled beneath you, and your arms behind your head. Hundreds upon thousands of stars stretched across the inky sky, their twinkling lights making you grin.

Fugo lay down beside you, his side brushing against yours. There was a moment of hesitation and then he took your free hand and laced his fingers with yours.

“I used to make up my own constellations as a kid,” he said. “I don’t know why but I always liked to find new patterns rather than identifying the ones that I was taught.”

“You were taught constellations?” you asked. “Why?”

“I don’t know why I was taught most things. Probably just bragging rights.”

You shuffled closer, the cold nipping at your exposed skin now that you didn’t have a blanket. When Fugo didn’t respond poorly, you snuggled against his side. “It’s pretty incredible how much you can remember,” you said. “How does it feel to be the smartest in the group?”

“Giorno’s smarter.”

You raised your head so you could frown at him. “What?”

Fugo seemed confused. “Giorno? He’s considerably smarter than I am. Have you not seen some of the ideas he comes up with?”

“Giorno’s good at thinking on his feet but he’s not smarter than you because of that. He takes chances that pay off. Trust me Panna, you’re smarter than like half of us combined.”

“If you’re including Narancia in that half, it isn’t saying much.”

You pushed his arm, trying not to laugh at that. “Don’t be mean. Nara is just smart in other ways. After all, nobody else would have the solution of, ‘If he doesn’t want to go to the show, we should steal the artwork and bring it here’.”

“Please tell me you’re not going to be doing that.”

You made a sign of zipping your lips. Sure, both you and Bucciarati had said no to the idea but that rarely meant Narancia wouldn’t do it. Especially because he’d have Giorno on his side this time around.

The others showed up not too long after and you passed out on the way home, your head against Fugo’s shoulder.

And sure enough, when the day of the exhibition rolled around and you took him for breakfast in the morning, you arrived home to find several canvases sitting in the living room.

It wasn’t a big deal. They’d return it.

After, you made them promise. After, the university has already gotten in trouble and gets banned from hosting another event again.

[quindolyn]

Midnight Walks || James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Reader

Word Count: 4363

Note: Dedicated to 🦎anon from @/randomoutsiders blog. Where I live it’s already 84℉ so this completely feasible but if you don’t live in hell and it's still cold and wintery outside just push it back a few months.

Warnings: Insecure reader, like 2 sexual comments because I’m filthy, talk of men being pigs and not keeping their hands to themselves, lots of fluff, modern muggle au, monkey bars, public nonsexual stripping,

Masterlist

Part 2

There were ants in your bones, there must’ve been. Either that or someone was trying to feather dust their way out of them. Your entire body itched with the urge to move, to run, to scream and jump in the middle of the street. You couldn’t quite put your finger on what drove this overwhelming desire, perhaps it was some sort of primal reason coded into your DNA, alternatively maybe it was the sitting at your computer all day. One could only attend so many online classes before they went insane, and a decent way into your second semester and still no sign of going back in person anytime before the next school year. You were like a purebred who desperately needed exercise. It would’ve been a simple enough fix if it wasn’t already 10:17, the sun having set four or so hours ago, even though you lived in a pretty nice area you didn’t feel comfortable going out. Men were disgusting, and going out this late alone meant risking life and limb because too many men thought it was okay to touch what wasn’t theirs. Fucking toddlers. So instead you were forced to open your windows in attempts to replicate the natural breeze and try to find another outlet for your energy. You tried. You really did. Jumping jacks, planks, the few yoga poses you could recall off the top of your head, dancing around your house to your favorite songs, but the music didn’t feel like it usually did, even it couldn’t soothe the itching in your bones. You were fucked, simply and truly. Too energetic without the proper outlet. After none of those things worked you sat down to attempt to get some of your weekend homework done, but somewhere between ionization energy and confidence intervals you found yourself picking at your nail polish instead of paying attention to your work. Groaning you threw your head down onto your desk, wincing as the pain from the impact spread through your skull. Closing your eyes you tried to imagine it, the cool night air in your face, blowing through your mangled tresses, the thud of your feet against the pavement of the sidewalk, the feeling of the grass at the park tickling your exposed skin as you stared up at the cloudy sky, looking for stars. You swore you could almost feel it all, almost pulled into bliss when you were yanked from your reprieve by the buzzing of your phone. Groaning, you pulled your head up, it wobbled on your neck, as though it was loose and needed to be tightened. Had you wanted to you couldn’t have stopped the smile that broke across your phone when you saw the notification on your lock screen, a text from James. Can I call you? Sure. You typed out waiting anxiously for your ringtone to blare through your room. Instead you were met with another brief buzz. One second, Sirius is being an idiot. Another smile, smaller than the last, bloomed across your face, Sirius was often an idiot. Picking up your phone you pressed it to your ear just in time to hear James greet you. “Hey baby.” Loving James was potentially one of the easiest things you’d ever done, if asked you would've said it would be easier to stop breathing before you stopped loving him. There was just so much to love and as his voice tickled your ear you remembered one of the things you so loved about him, the sound of his voice. With two simple words he was able to soothe you, if only a little bit. But still the ache to be outside lessened a little. “Hi Jamsie.” You crooned into the phone as you shut down your laptop coming to the conclusion you were going to get jack shit done tonight. You distantly heard Sirius in the background but couldn’t make out any words, “Pads says hi.” James conveyed. “Hi Siri!” You yelled into the phone, you waited until the bickering and laughing on their side of the phone quieted before continuing, “Whatcha callin’ about bub?” “Missed you is all, was wondering what you were doing?” “Nothing much, tried to get some homework done.” James chuckled knowing how distracted you could get if someone wasn’t there to help you stay on track, “How’d that go?” “Not well,” You grumbled, “S’not my fault either, can’t focus. I just need some fresh air, I need to go on a walk but I can’t.” Flinging your body onto your bed and landing on your back you pulled the phone from your ear, turning it onto speaker and setting it on your belly, liking the vibrations against your body as James spoke. It was almost like he was there with you. “I’m sorry darling,” James knew exactly what you were talking about. Unlike a lot of men he wasn’t afraid to broach topics like these, he would sit and kiss your head if some guy at the grocery store had been a prick and couldn't keep his eyes or his hands off of your ass, or if one of the boys in your class had made an objectifying comment. He’d listen to you lament and apologize, on behalf of all men, for the disgusting things you were forced to deal with. He had learned a lot since you started dating, he’d always been a feminist but before you hadn’t really understood what that meant. His mother and father always made sure he was aware of gender biases and he’d heard stories of women being assaulted, harassed, discriminated against and perhaps it made him a bad person but when it happened to you, when you told him about these things it was different, it was worse, he couldn’t control the rage that bubbled up inside of him. You were (Y/N) (L/N), you were his, you deserved to be treated like royalty. No one got to disrespect you. He felt the pang in his heart when he pictured you holed up in your house, like a caged animal, desperate to get out. “I know, and I love you.” You responded, knowing he hated how you had to be afraid and cautious all the time. “I love you too.” “What were you doing before you called?” You asked after a beat. “Watching a movie with mom and Sirius.” A twinge of guilt twisted in your stomach, “Oh, you should go back to them Jamsie, I don’t want to keep you from your family.” James stopped himself before he could tell you that they’d already finished the movie as an idea hit him like most of his ideas hit him, suddenly and fleetingly. Remus once compared them to a freight train. “Okay angel, talk to you later.” “Bye, Jamsie.” He hung up immediately as the last syllable left your lips causing a frown to tug downwards at those aforementioned lips. Sure, you felt a bit guilty that he’d bailed on his mom and Sirius for you but you couldn’t help feeling a little sad that he was so ready to get rid of you the second he had a chance. Feeling all too familiar insecurity simmer from under your sternum questions popped into your head one after another. Did he really want to be with you? Was this all because he just pitied you? Were you just a substitute for Lily? Did his heart still belong to her? What did he even see in you? You couldn’t help but feel like nothing compared to her, she’s Lily Evans. And you’re, well you’re just not. Time had slipped away from you, you hadn’t realised how much until you felt your phone buzz against your stomach and saw that almost 15 minutes had passed since James had hung up on you. You only briefly noted the time before your eyes flashed down to the banner displayed across your screen, another text. Look out your window. Lifting your torso, propping yourself up on your forearms and twisted your head to see James’ smiling face plastered against your window, a huge, beautiful grin, stretching across his face. You could feel a matching one fan out across your face as you skipped to the window, pulling it open relishing in the cool breeze that let itself into your room. “Hey there handsome.” You joked. “Hey beautiful.” “What are you doing outside my window?” You were befuddled, wasn’t he supposed to be watching some Quentin Tarantino or equally violent movies that he and Siri liked? “I was thinking we could go on a walk,” He explained unabashedly. “A walk?” You asked, a blush blossoming on your face, creeping its way down your neck. “You wanted to go on one, yeah?” “I love you.” Was all you said in response, he caught you as you threw yourself into his arms, the middle of your thighs biting into the sill of your window, but you didn’t care. How could you? All you could focus on was the way his arms wrapped around your body, pulling you close to him so he could bury his nose into your hair. “Love you too darling.” There was a part of you, an admittedly large part, that wanted to stay standing there forever but the cool evening air reminded you about how much you wanted that walk. Peeling yourself away from him you placed your chin on his pectoral, not considerably comfortable for either of you, but you were close to each other, and that’s all that mattered. “Come in.” “I was waiting for you to ask.” He winked, slinging one leg over the windowsill giving him room to maneuver his rather large body through the small opening, but James had experience fitting his body into tiny things (namely your cunt). “Are your parents home?” “No, everyone’s gone for the night.” “Why didn’t you tell me baby, I would’ve come over and kept you company.” You felt heat creep back up your neck to your face, embarrassed by the answer. Though your insecurities could swallow you whole when you were alone, they seemed trivial when James was actually there, staring down at you with so much love in his eyes. “Don’t want to be clingy.” The confession bringing even more heat to your cheeks. “Never, (Y/N), absolutely never. If anyone here is clingy it's me not you.” You corrected him, “You’re wonderful.” “So are you bub.” Reassuring you he brushed a piece of hair out of your face. “Now come on! Let’s get some shoes on you and we can go out.”

James was filling up an old water bottle he found in one of the cupboards in case either of you got thirsty when you entered the kitchen, shoes and socks in hand. Your boy smiled at you, twisting the cap of the water bottle on all of the way before setting it on the countertop and moving towards you. “Want me to put your shoes on for you?” “Yes please.” You nodded, grinning cheekily. His large hands found your waist, lifting you up and setting your bum onto the cool counter. Slipping the socks from your hand he knelt down to roll them over your feet, leaving a kiss on the inside of each of your ankles. “You wanna walk to anywhere in particular?” “The park?” You offered, handing him one of your tennis shoes which were a little beat up, but still a long way from needing to be replaced. “The one with the fountain?” “Do you know of any other parks within walking distance?” You snarked, swinging your legs, feeling the need to be outside return, faster and more powerful than before. “Guess not,” He grumbled, looking up at you with a playful smile so you would know he didn’t really take your sarcasm to heart. “Hey watch it!” He chuckled when you accidentally swung your leg a little too hard and knocked his left shoulder with your socked foot. “Sorry.” You apologized looking about as sorry as Sirius usually did when he was apologizing, which honestly wasn’t much. “There you go Cinderella.” He said, as he pat your thigh once he finished tying your laces, rising from his kneeling position. “You think you’re funny do you Potter?” “In fact I do (L/N).” He grinned, sliding you off the counter, onto your feet. “Shall we?” You offered your hand to him which he accepted like a true gentleman. “We shall.”

You were right, but then again, when were you ever wrong? Fresh air was exactly what you needed, the feeling of the wind in your hair, the twigs snapping beneath your weight, the solidness of the ground. You couldn’t remember the last time you had felt this alive. That was probably stupid but it was liberating to be out of your house, and on top of it it was nighttime too. You weren’t often able to be out this late because you usually didn’t have someone to go out with. You had almost forgotten how beautiful it was when there was no glass separating you from the moon and the stars. Despite the fact that his legs were far longer than yours James still had to speed walk to keep up with you. His heart swelled seeing you so happy and carefree as you strode unapologetically down the sidewalk. “Stop walking so fast.” He complained, finally matching your stride as he loosely looped his left arm around your waist, pulling you as close to him as possible while still keeping the two of you moving forward. “Not my fault you’re a slowpoke.” You retaliated but nevertheless still resting your head on his broad shoulder. “It’s nice out isn’t it?” He pondered aloud. “It’s wonderful,” You agreed, closing your eyes and turning your face up towards the sky, trusting James to guide you safely down the sidewalk, “I’m sorry you had to ditch your mom and Siri to come be with me.” You apologized as another wave of guilt from earlier hit you. “I didn’t bubba, we’d already finished the movie when I called you.” “Really?” Your head perked up. “Mhm.” James hummed. “Why didn’t you tell me that?’ “Wanted to surprise you.” He explained and your heart soared, he really was indescribably sweet. “Well I was surprised.” “Good.” “What movie did you watch?” Wondering if your suspicions had been correct. “Forrest Gump.” He responded by popping his “p”. You laughed squeezing two of James’ fingers on the hand splayed across your stomach. “What?” “Nothin’, just thought you and Pads would’ve made your mom watch Reservoir Dogs or something.” “Come on, you know me and Padfoot (Y/N), nothin’ but a couple of softies the two of us.” “Yes, yes you are.” You responded completely seriously. “You were supposed to disagree, he whispered into your ear. “I cannot tell a lie.” “Hey!” He exclaimed in mock offense. “Come on I found the two fo you cuddling when I came over Wednesday, he was literally spooning you Jamsie. It was rather cute really.” James let you have the last word and the two of you were silent for a minute as you passed a house with a line of cars in front of it, stupid fucking people and their stupid fucking parties. You thought, thinking they’re more important than the rest of us, that it’s okay to throw a party during the middle of a pandemic. “There’s a pandemic going on people,” James muttered as you crossed in front of the driveway, as though he was reading your thoughts. You just nestled into him more. Once you cleared the super spreader house it was only a few feet before you turned the corner and your desired destination came into view causing a ginormous smile to practically crack your face in half. “Come on Jamie!” You giggled, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the street towards the park, not even looking both ways as you bolted across the street to the park. You’d always thought that parks and playgrounds and such looked a bit creepy after dark and while today was no exception you still didn’t think twice before bounding up the steps of the play structure. Laughing, you turned your face back up towards the sky as you reached down to slip your shoes and socks off, tossing them off the play structure onto the wood chips scattered across the ground. “You look beautiful up there.” You hadn’t noticed James approach you, but he was now standing at the foot of the play structure, looking up at you. “Come up here with me Jamie, please?” You pleaded, tugging on his arm. “How could I deny you anything?” “Simple,” You responded, “You can’t.” Pushing himself up onto the structure he tried to envelop you in his arms but you squirmed away, giggling. As you ran toward the slide at the opposite end of the playground he broke out into a run after you, purposefully keeping his strides short to give you the upper hand. Breaking out into a sprint as soon as your feet touched the ground you raced towards the open field, James hot on your heels. He chased you around the perimeter of the grassy clearing, the two of you yelling at each other and laughing until your lungs hurt when he finally caught you in his arms, trying to get you as close to him as possible. He loved the feeling of your body against his more than he loved life itself. Or even Sirius. “What should I do with you now that I’ve captured you?” He mused tauntingly, tightening his grip on you. “Well I know one thing you could do to me.” You murmured. “(Y/N) (M/N) (L/N), get your mind out of the gutter Miss,” “Make me.” You teased, wiggling in his grasp. “I know what’ll fix your attitude.” James declared, adjusting his so his arms were around your waist instead of one there and one wrapped around your shoulders. “And what’s that?” “A nice February swim!” He roared jovially, hefting you over his shoulder as he bounded towards the fountain located on the east side of the park. “Jamie!” You shrieked as you bounced against him, “Slow down.” “Sorry Princess,” He huffed once you reached the fountain, he carefully lifted you off his shoulder and sat you down on the ledge of the water feature as he kneeled before you, hands pressing against your thighs. “Come on baby, go swimming with me?” “Course.” You smiled as you reached for the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head, throwing it somewhere over Jamie’s shoulder. You didn’t bother watching where it landed, too enraptured with the gorgeous boy on his knees in front of you. “You look gorgeous (Y/N).” He murmured, taking it the sight of your bare stomach and chest clad in a lacy lavender bra. “I let you see mine, now get your shirt off Potter!” You commanded impatiently, you loved James all the time, but you especially loved James shirtless. “Okay, okay woman, calm down, I'm moving.” He playfully chastised shrugging off his jacket which you just now realised was his varsity jacket, his last name emblazoned across the back of it. When he caught you staring at him he teasingly played with the hem of his shirt, rolling it in the tips of his fingers until you lightly kicked his bent knee. He then discarded his pants, throwing them and his shirt somewhere to his right, carefully laying his jacket on a bench a few feet away he was left only in his boxers and you took this time to appreciate how his skin shown in the moonlight, his darker complexion brilliant in the darkness of the park. “You wanna keep your shorts on? He lilted, moving towards where you sat on the bench encircling the fountain. You nodded in response, not wanting to be so vulnerable in such a public space. “Okay baby sounds good.” James leaned in towards you pressing his lips to yours before he scooped you into his arms before stepping into the fountain, even though it was warm ish outside the water of the fountain hadn’t had enough time to truly heat up because the water that lapped at his midcalf almost had him feeling bad for what he did next. Which was dropping you into the freezing cold water, keeping you upright by his hold on your shoulders before you were able to ground yourself on the floor of the fountain. With water sprouting up from the top and cascading down 4 smaller tiers reminiscent of bird baths, getting larger and larger in radius as they went down, cold water nipped at your skin. “Agh!” You shrieked, “It’s freezing!” “Calm down drama queen!” James snorted, “Little cold water never hurt anybody.” “Speak for yourself!” Screaming as James bent down to splash you with water you tried to run away resulting in you falling backwards onto your bum. “You okay baby?” James asked nervously bending down next to you, surveying your near naked body for any cuts or bruises. Your response came as you looped your arms around his neck and pulled him down, submerging the entirety of his body in the chilly water. He quickly pulled you down with him so that your head was submerged, your hair billowing out around you in the water. When you pulled back up to the surface your wet hair was plastered to your face. And though you were cold, wet, and maybe a little banged up your heart was aflame, this had been exactly what you needed, to run around like a little kid and lose yourself, if only for a little while. Glancing back down your jaw dropped, the light coming from the fountain walls made the shadows of the water reflect on James’ dark skin making him look even more beautiful, like something out of a book. He took your temporary lapse as an opportunity to flip you around so that he was on top of you, he thought you were always stunning but something about you beneath him made you shine like nothing else he’d ever seen. Taking good care to make sure your head didn’t bump against the fountain, and that your head was above water, he trailed kisses from your temple to your jaw. When he reached your chin the second freight train of the night hit him head on and he stuck out his tongue licking from the point of your chin, up your lips, the bridge of your nose, and up your forehead until he reached your hair line where he left one more gentle kiss. “James Potter!” You shrieked, a giggling mess, “What the hell?” He lifted himself off you so he could once again scoop you into his arms, “Come on my little water nymph, let’s get you dry, don’t need you getting sick on me.” “Think you should’ve thought about that before you dunked me into the fountain in nothing but my bra and shorts.” You retaliated to which he only rolled his eyes, before shaking his head like a wet dog. “I swear to God Potter, you’re a Golden Retriever.” “Hmh?” He asked, stepping out of the fountain. “Playful, loyal, energetic, smart.” You explained, planting a kiss on his nose. “Shaking off to dry like a fucking dog.” “You love me.” He grinned, like the thought was just now hitting him, like you hadn’t said it already multiple times that night. “That I do Potter.” You agreed as he set you down on the bench where he had laid his jacket, taking care to slip your arms into it one at a time he pulled it close to your body to keep you warm before coming up behind you, tipping your head back so he could wring the excess water out of it, taking this as an opportunity to kiss the hollow of your throat to which you hummed. Upon slipping on his previously discarded pants and shirt, an endeavor you watched very closely, not wanting to miss a second of how his muscles shifted underneath his smooth, taut skin, he sat down next to you. “It’s a beautiful night.” “That it is.” You agreed. The two of you sat there for a moment before James carefully stood up, “Where are you going Jamie? Too tired now, m’done playing.” “I know angel, come on, not gonna play, just get more comfortable.” He soothed, taking you by the hand and walking you over to a set of fairly new monkey bars. Picking you up from the bottom of your thighs he pushed you up and above his shoulders to sit on top of the monkey bars and you were reminded why it sometimes came in handy to be dating the captain of the football team. Swinging up next to you on the monkey bars he slid his arm around your shoulders, both of your legs meeting the edge of the cold metal at the bend of your knees, your bodies there down hanging off leaving the both of you on your backs staring up at the unusually starry night sky. “There’s Orion.” You lifted your arm to point out the constellation, “ Surprised we can see so many.” You marvelled. “It is rather pretty.” “‘Rather pretty’?” You gasped exasperated with the boy next to you, “It’s not just ‘rather pretty’, it's gorgeous!” You corrected with a huff, turning your visage back up towards the heavens. “Eh,” He shrugged, “I’ve seen better.” “I swear to God, James Fleamont Potter if you say ‘You’re prettier than any constellation’ I’m going to push you off these monkey bars.” A chuckle pushed its way past his lips as he brushed his lips along the part of your hair, “You know me too well don’t you (L/N).” “Yeah, I’ve got your number Mister.” James pulled out his phone to check the time, “Hey baby, it’s midnight.” He whispered in your ear, turning his phone screen so you could read the time. “Happy Saturday my darling boy.” “Happy Saturday Princess, let’s get you home.”

Note: I know in my initial ask on @/randomoutsiders you guys went home and more fluff ensued. Maybe a part two?

tagging: @randomoutsiders​ 

[citydreamgrls]

yes, captain

fred weasley x fem!reader

words: 2,675

a/n: thank you so much for all the love on ‘a christmas treat’ it’s been crazy how many of you enjoyed it <333

warnings: smut , 18+ 

“What do you mean he’s sick?” The twins cried out in unison. I had heard voices before I’d reached the common room, but seeing them shocked wasn’t what I had been expecting. In fact it was a rarity to see them surprised at all.

“What’s up?” I asked them both, just as Lee was leaving. George had his head in his hands and Fred’s lip was blatantly chewed up.

“Wood’s sick, he’s off for 2 weeks.” He explained.

“Oh shit, that’s not good. So does that mean you two ar-”

“Co-captains.” They groaned in unison, used to having people follow them but not usually having to be in charge of anyone.

I put my arms around Fred, who was still in his quidditch uniform from practice, and gave him a much needed hug.

“You guys will be great, I’m sure of it.” I promised the twins, letting them clean up before dinner.

-

“So… how does it feel to have a boyfriend who’s the quidditch captain.” Hermione teased me, finding this to be more interesting than her book of all things.

“Fred’s co-captain, remember, and besides they only found out today.”

Harry came and sat in front of us with Ron as his side, who was more bothered by his food than his older brothers.

“I think they’ll be great captains,” Harry said, excited to have the troublemakers taking charge.

“Well of course you’d say that,” Hermione scoffed, opening her book again.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Ron looked up, clearing his throat as though to speak but the girl beside me cut him off before he had the chance.

“Harry’s the team’s seeker, he just has to do his job. That’s easy. It’s the chasers that cause trouble, they’re always squabbling over who goes where and how many goals each of them scores.”

“Yeah, what Hermione said.” Ron rolled his eyes and carried on eating.

“Guess we’ll see tomorrow afternoon eh?” Harry sighed.

“Do you think you guys will be ready for the match against Ravenclaw?” I asked.

“Hard to tell, we’ve got some time… but we’re out of a keeper now Wood’s off sick.” He huffed.

Just on cue both Fred and George turned up, looking as confident as ever as people congratulated them on their temporary promotion. Fred sat down beside me, giving me a kiss quickly before any of the others could complain.

“Ron, we need you to be our keeper.” George told his younger brother without hesitating.

Poor boy almost choked on a mouthful of potato when he realised what the twin had told him. Harry had to slap his back to get him to look alive again, making Hermione giggle from behind her book.

“Me!”

“Yes you, come to practice tomorrow and we’ll see if you’re any good.” Fred added, giving my hand a squeeze under the table.

-

“So I guess this means you’ll be too busy with captain duties,” I teased Fred as he tried to write an essay on the common room sofa.

“Oh yes, too busy for girlfriends. Especially when I have so many.”

I rolled my eyes and mindlessly played with his long hair.

“You don���t have the energy for too many girlfriends, me and George are enough for you.”

“You’re not wrong.”

He closed his potions book with a sigh and threw it to his feet, finally able to relax a little bit and lay with his head in my lap.

“Are you nervous Fred?”

“About what?”

“About being captain silly, you do have a practice tomorrow remember?”

“Oh no it slipped my mind, because I really have so much more going on right now.” He huffed sarcastically.

“I’ll take that as a yes then,” I laughed and he nodded sheepishly. “It’ll be fine, I said I’d help Ginny with some homework tomorrow though so I can’t come and watch.”

“That’s actually a bit of a relief, I’d hate to embarrass myself in front of you.” Fred sighed.

“You’re the most confident person I know, not to mention the goofiest. When have you ever been worried about embarrassing yourself?” I pointed out, and he couldn’t help but agree.

-

The next day, after practice, the team filed into the common room kinda quietly. Making both Hermione and I frown at their sudden gloomy nature.

Fred and George were last and stopped at the two of us leaning up at them on the sofa.

“How was it?” I asked, still hopeful.

“Pretty bad,” George grunted before kicking off his boots and flopping into an armchair.

“Two of the chasers got into a fight and targeted each other any time we tried to play, it was useless!” Fred exclaimed as I played with his quidditch robes.

“Told you so.” Hermione hissed, but I just ignored her.

“They’re bound to be a bit unruly, it’s probably because they’re used to Wood.” I tried to reason with them, but neither twin seemed convinced by my theory. “It’ll get better.” I whispered to Fred.

-

It could’ve been possible that I cursed it, because things seemed to spiral from then on. Ron had doubts about being a keeper, Harry was always turning up to practices late and leaving early. The chasers refused to talk to one another, and things just took a turn for the worse when the twins started to argue over how to fix things.

It was 3 days before the match and the team was more divided than ever before. Making Fred feel responsible for the downfall.

“It was two weeks, that was it. And I couldn’t even control things for one day!” He complained aloud as I sat on his bed, hoping he would chill out a bit. I opened my arms, letting him crawl into them as if he was a child.

“I’m helpless y/n.” He huffed.

“No you’re not.” George walked in, saw his brother and immediately went to walk back out. They had been avoiding each other ever since their argument, and it was time for things to go back to normal.

“Oi stop right there.” Both boys froze as I spoke, I moved Fred off me and stood up. Not that it was intimidating to either of them, but it was worth a try. “You two need to forget whatever you were mad about and forgive each other, because nothing’s gonna go right if neither of you can agree.” I stated, their heads hung in the realisation that what I was saying was right.

“If we did things my way we could actually win.” Fred grumbled from his bed.

“I don’t care,” George seemed caught off guard that I wouldn’t immediately take my boyfriend’s side. “If you did win, it wouldn’t feel as good than if you did it together.”

“She’s right.” The boy by the door finally spoke up, holding a hand out to his brother. Fred shook it with an awkward smile. “Sorry Georgie.”

“Now. let’s figure out what to do with this team.” I sighed.

-

After a whole night of negotiating, Fred and George settled on a game plan and went to the last practice with hope in their hearts. Hermione  and y/n watched them fly about from the stands, unable to hear the boys talk, but unable to spot any problems as they played through the upcoming match.

Once it was over Fred came straight over to y/n. He was grinning wider than she’d seen all month.

“Better?” She laughed.

“So much better.”

-

“I like seeing you happy,” The girl told her boyfriend later that night, promising not to keep him up too late. They needed to be awake early of course. Her and Fred were standing at the top of the astronomy tower looking over the grounds as the sun went down.

“Thank you for helping us,” He whispered. He loomed behind her and rested his arms on the balcony in front of her, caging her in.

“Yeah well you owe me, big time.”

“Oh don’t worry, you’ll get a reward.” He smirked, making a chill run down her spine.

They’d had sex before, plenty of times, and many after winning games. But something more rested on this game, if he won there would be an even bigger feeling of achievement for the boy. Who was usually quite happy to take sidelines as one of the two beaters in the team. Now, he was a captain and it would look good if he won.

“Stay with me tonight?” He asked y/n.

“I shouldn’t distract you, rest is the only thing you need Fred.”

“It’s not what I want though,” She felt his body press up against her and she wondered whether getting fucked by him up there would be all that bad. However, she decided to wait, knowing it would be even better after they won.

“Fred. I’ll see you in the morning okay?” y/n smiled and slipped out from under his trap, giving his cheek a kiss and running off.

“Oi, that’s not a proper goodnight. Come back here!” He called out with laughter, a chase beginning on the twisting steps back down to the castle.

-

Hermione always claimed she couldn’t care less about quidditch, but as soon as she saw Ron as Gryffindor’s keeper she suddenly became yet another teenage girl screaming his name in support. Y/n laughed, seeing her friend switch up so quickly.

Then again, her voice always went hoarse after cheering on Fred and George so violently it sometimes felt like she’d never talk again. But she would never do it differently. Seeing the twins in their captain’s robes made her heart swell with pride, especially when Fred flew past their stand to give her a wink like he did before every game. It was practically tradition by this point.

“Go Fred!!!!” She screamed as he swung his bat around, sending bludgers flying through the air and towards Ravenclaw’s chasers. One of them almost fell to the ground trying to dodge it, and in turn losing possession of the quaffle to the Gryffindor chasers who had finally learnt to work together. They flew in formation, passing the ball between one another to throw off the other team. Then as one of them went to score, the other two held off opposing beaters so they could score.

To Hermione’s joy; Ron was amazing. He barely let a single goal in, kicking them off and thwacking them away with his broom. After a while he began to show off, but no one minded because he still managed to defend the goal.

Fred and George were working their asses off trying to hit off bludgers, not stopping for a single second to notice what else was going on. Y/n could watch her boyfriend work like that all day, his face laced with determination and joy whenever he hit one off successfully. Even more so whenever they scored another goal. Ravenclaw had never had a chance against them.

The match ended as always, with Harry just about catching the snitch before the other team’s seeker got there. He flew down to find the team hugging one another in joy, the rest of Gryffindor house racing from the stands to join the celebration. It wasn’t long before Fred and George were carried back to the common room, their names being chanted like gods.

Y/n caught a flash of her boyfriend’s red hair disappearing into the crowd as her and Hermione followed the flow of people into the castle.

-

“There you are!” Fred had called, finally finding y/n amongst the people partying later that night. “Thought you’d sacked me off.”

“As if, you’re the winning captain now I’m basically a celebrity by default!” She joked, taking the drink from his hand and sipping it hesitantly.

“Oi, what was that for?” He complained.

“I don’t trust my own drinks round you and George.”

“You’ve learnt then,”

“Yep, the hard way.” He smirked at my words and pulled me aside to talk quietly.

“Speaking of hard things, I’m on an absolute power high and really need you.” He said, never one to beat around the bush, well they’d done it once in a bush.

“Give me 10 minutes,” she told him.

“I’ll be waiting in the secret hallway, near potions?” y/n nodded and Fred disappeared off to wait for her, hoping no one would stop him on his way there.

Y/n went up to her dorm room, quickly knocking back a few shots before fixing her makeup and making her hair look less flat. Hermione saw her sneak through the common room and sent her a wink, making the girl blush as she slipped out into the main castle.

It was a Saturday night, and everyone would be gathered in their common rooms by now if there wasn’t already a party going on, so the castle was quiet as she walked through it. Footsteps sounded from somewhere in front of her. The girl slipped inside the transfiguration class, keeping the door just ajar to see filch walk past. Seconds past before she ran back out and straight to the secret passageway her and Fred had discovered a few months prior.

“Fred?” She called out quietly, not able to see him yet. He came out of the shadows with a smirk on his face and rested on the cold stone wall.

“Hello beautiful.” He said, as she took no time to jump on him. Y/n wrapped her legs around his waist, immediately enthralled in his kiss and the slight taste of licorice that seemed to constantly linger on his tongue.

“It’s been so- so hard not to just come f-fuck you right away,” She moaned admittedly between breaths, struggling to speak over the sheer lust coursing through her body.

Fred’s hands played across her neck, rough as always from the cold air, and travelled across her body. He didn’t dare waste time taking off clothes, and grabbed her waist to push her away. She gasped at the sudden lack of touch, but obeyed his every move as the boy laid himself down on the cold steps. Y/n knew what to do. Fred pulled out his cock as she took off her panties from beneath her skirt. She straddled his lap, letting him slip inside her.

In that moment, as their heads were involuntarily thrown back, both groaned out with immense pleasure. Y/n knew how cocky Fred would get after a quidditch win, this position being their own kind of celebration. But there was something different about the boy this time.

He was pounding harder, and deeper, and encouraging the girl’s sweet moans every time one slipped from between her beautiful lips. She could feel his grip, tighter than ever, leaving little finger sized bruises on her hips as she rocked back and forth.

The sheer size of his cock inside her made y/n tense up, Fred having no choice but to speed up.

She screamed, suddenly very appreciative of the passageways seclusion, her chest heaving as the girl had to take a second to adjust to the growing desire in the pit of her stomach.

“You’re close aren’t you?” Fred laughed, revelling in how good he was making her feel. Y/n could only nod in response, her lip tight in her teeth. The boy laughed again, but she could never feel nervous around him.

A hand came up to her neck, she felt it first before she saw it. He clenched the sides with his long fingers as y/n gasped out. He watched her moan lightly, almost begging incoherently as he got her closer and closer.

One last push with his hand made the girl scream, her pussy tighter than he’d ever felt it before. The boy struggled to hold back much longer, pushing her off so he could cum.

“Fuck,” Fred groaned.

“Please, promise me one thing.” Y/n asked, making her boyfriend frown.

“What?”

“Never let anyone else be captain again,” She gasped, still worn out from how ruthless he’d been with her.

[anabsolutetrainwreck]

but we’re still young || h. styles

warnings: mentions of alcohol, references to alcoholism, swearing, brief mentions of death, sexual references, discussions of infertility, googled medical diagnoses, breakup, references to covid, not really proofread

word count: 7.2k

summary: anecdotes of a relationship destined to collapse...

01 march, 2013

“Just talk to her, man!” Liam yelled over the deafening music of the club. Harry sighed, his eyes drifting between the drink in his hands and you. You were dancing with your friends, laughing as the skinny girl tripped over her own feet. Snapping his eyes away from you, he glanced across at Liam, “Bit creepy, though, isn’t it?”

“You have been staring at her for the past five minutes. That’s creepier than just talking to her,” Liam shrugged, patting Harry on the back. 

The band had been given the night off. Finally. Collectively, they’d all decided to go out together. That’s not to say they would be staying out too late, though - they had an early start the next morning. “Yeah, man,” came Niall’s voice. “Just go buy her a drink or something.”

“No,” Louis said quickly, arriving at the bar with Zayn. “Don’t do that. They’d rather you just spoke to them than try and buy them a drink. It makes it seem like you’re trying to get them drunk and, you know…”

Harry finished the rest of his drink, running a hand through his hair. Zayn glanced between him and the exit to the club, “Harry, mate, maybe you shouldn’t. If somebody sees you talking to a girl and leaks it to the press-”

“Well, then they’re a dickhead,” Liam said. “It’s your life, Hazza. Worth a shot, right?”

Zayn sighed, “Yeah, they’re a dickhead. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be her who faces the consequences for talking to you. You know what they’re like whenever we talk to a girl.”

“Too late,” Niall said quickly, gesturing over to the three girls walking over to the bar. One of the girls was considerably drunker than the others, both of them having to support her. The five boys tried to be subtle as they carefully watched you and your friend sit the drunker one down at the booth by the bar. They could just about hear your conversation over the music. After all, you weren’t sat all that far away. “Jesus, Eileen,” you sighed, examining your giggling friend. “What did you drink?”

“I think we should take her home,” your other friend said. 

“No!” Eileen protested. “We’re having so much fun!”

“You’re so drunk,” the other one laughed at Eileen and your frustrated expression. 

“You know me, Nelly, I love a good vodka and coke!” Eileen grinned. “Once I have one, I can’t stop.”

“Have you considered therapy?” Nelly joked. “An AA meeting, maybe?”

You scoffed, slumping back against the padded fabric of the booth. Brushing the loose strands of Eileen’s hair out of her face, you wrapped her jacket around her bare arms. “Come on,” you sighed, “let’s go home.”

You and Nelly carefully lifted Eileen up from the seat to guide her out of the club. The cold London air was refreshing against your flushed cheeks. Yes, you may have been slightly tipsy, but you were nowhere near as bad as Eileen. Besides, Nelly was entirely sober. The only thing she’d drunk that night was a glass of lemonade. She wasn’t much of a drinker. She’d have a glass of wine at fancy dinners and that was usually the extent of it. 

Back inside the sweaty club, Harry was beginning to regret not saying a thing to you at all. He’d watched you leave the club with your friends and he suddenly just wanted to go home. “Tough luck, mate,” Louis sighed, smiling sadly at the deflated boy before him. 

Fortunately for Harry, he noticed something on the table of the booth you’d just been sat at. It was a set of keys. He quickly snatched them up and ran out after you. There was hope for him yet. He ran down the street after you. Thankfully, due to Eileen’s stumbling, you’d yet to get too far. “Excuse me!” he called. “Excuse me, I think you dropped your keys!”

It was you who turned back to look at him. His arm was outstretched, the keys between his fingers. You thanked him as he dropped them into your hand. Once he straightened his back from being hunched over, trying to catch his breath, and his face became illuminated by a streetlamp, did you realise who he was. Harry Styles. You didn’t say anything, though. You assumed he probably got enough of people telling him who he was on the daily that he wouldn’t need an extra one from you. He reached out to shake your other hand, “I’m Harry.”

“I know,” you smiled. “Y/N.”

He grinned. Y/N. He knew your name. Your hand was soft against his. You were wearing this black dress, or maybe it was blue. It was too dark to tell. Your lips were red, maybe pink. You smelt of strawberries. “I think you look really pretty,” he said, thankful it was so dark to hide the red tint that graced his cheeks. 

You smiled politely, trying to ignore the sniggering of Nelly and Eileen from behind you. “Thank you, Harry.”

He nodded, unsure what to say next. But he knew he couldn’t let this opportunity slip from his grasp. “Can I have your number?” he asked, already knowing what the answer would be. Of course you weren’t going to just give him your number. 

You shrugged, “I don’t even know you.”

That wasn’t necessarily true. Your younger brother had given you a full debrief on the members of One Direction last time you’d gone back home to visit your family. He’d made sure not to miss a single detail. So, yes, you did know him. Not personally, of course. But it felt personal. He hung his head, “Yeah. Of course. Why would you trust me?”

You knew he wasn’t saying it in an aggressive or sarcastic way. Really, why would you trust him? You sighed, “You’re famous?”

It was a joke. You were joking. And it took him a split second to laugh. Well, he chuckled, really. “I’ll give you my number if you write a song about me,” you smirked. Again, you were kind of joking. And yet, he nodded. 

“Deal.”

20 november, 2013

And write a song about you he did. You found yourself tangled up in the sheets of his bed five days before his third studio album was set to be released. Two months you’d been together now, and they’d been perhaps the happiest of your life. Running your fingers delicately through his mop of hair, smiling contently as he closed his eyes in utter bliss. It should have been sunny outside, the golden rays practically pouring in through the windows of his flat. But alas, it was pouring with bitter rain. “I have to go soon,” he grumbled, nuzzling his tired face into your waist, wrapping his lethargic arms around your thighs. 

You nodded, sighing, “I know, baby.”

“So much fucking press,” he groaned, forcing his eyes open. “Same fucking questions. What’s your favourite off the album? Who is this one written about? Are you single? Everyone’s in love with you, how does that feel?”

You smiled down at him softly, “Good thing you love talking about yourself then, isn’t it?”

He grinned, “Exactly. Just wish they’d ask something novel and somewhat fucking entertaining. Podcast or songs in the shower? Would you ever become a classical composer? Hardback or paperback?”

“What, and ‘podcast or songs in the shower’ is novel and somewhat fucking entertaining,” you couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, a real exclusive for the journalists.”

He chuckled, dragging himself out of bed. He slipped into the bathroom, emerging in no time at all dressed in a t-shirt and some jeans. Unplugging his phone, he pressed his lips to yours. “I’ll see you later,” he said.

You threw the covers from your body, following him through the flat. Harry grabbed one of his coats, before hugging you tightly. “I love you.”

You pulled away quickly, staring up at him, eyes wide, “Really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I guess I do.”

“I guess I love you too.”

When he returned, it was dark. You were lying in his bed, your eyelids heavy. He crept in, kissing you lightly. “I wrote a song about you,” he whispered. 

You smiled up at him weakly, “You did? You kept your end of the bargain.”

He nodded. And so, he played it for you. You were curled up in his bedsheets, listening to a song a guy had written about you. And it was pretty fucking good. “When did you write it?” you asked as it came to an end.

“A few nights after we met. Do you like it?” he asked nervously.

You nodded, grabbing his face to kiss him, “I love it. What’s it called?”

“Little Black Dress.”

07 january, 2014

Months passed. And every single one seemed to get better than the last. It felt as if you were high, right up in the clouds, every waking moment. But you were nervous. Your fingers were practically shaking. However, as soon as Anne opened the door to greet you both with her warming smile, the nerves just seemed to disappear. Vanish. She hugged you first, squeezing you tightly as if she’d know you all her life. She hugged Harry next, hurrying you both in. 

The house was warm and cosy and oh so welcoming. There were pictures on the wall of Harry and Gemma as kids and some of Anne and Robin on their wedding day. You couldn’t help but smile at them. Harry noticed you admiring the snapshots of history that had been framed and hung up on the wall. “Cute, wasn’t I?” he joked, squeezing your hand. 

You shrugged, “Not as cute as Gemma.”

You had met Gemma before. You’d gone out to dinner with her and Harry when he decided he wanted you to meet his family. She was lovely and too kind to you. But this was your first time meeting Anne and Robin. Their warm smiles and kind words did nothing but make you feel at home. 

After chatting for a while, they let you and Harry get settled in. You’d be staying for a couple of days before heading back down to London. He showed you around his childhood bedroom, which did nothing but fill you with joy. “Nothing’s changed,” he smiled, eyes exploring the room that still made him feel like a kid again. “I love coming back. Brings me back down to earth, you know? Back to home. I know it’ll always be here, no matter where I go.”

“That’s poetic,” you said. His lips curved up slightly and when he pressed his lips to your head lightly, you couldn’t help but smile too. It almost felt illegal to be so innocently intimate in his childhood bedroom, filled with long-forgotten memories of a life once lived. 

Later, as the sun set over the house that you already felt so welcomed in, you found yourself sat beside Harry in the kitchen. You’d become acquainted with the cats that inhabited the home and Anne’s gorgeous cooking. As Anne and Robin got to know you, you made sure to ask plenty of questions about them. The smile that adorned your face throughout the evening and the following days never seemed to fade or die away. And, by the end of your stay at Harry’s childhood home, you felt as if you’d known Anne and Robin all your life. As if you’d known the walls of the house all your life. And the pictures of youthful ignorances and watercolours of distant landscapes. And the cats that purred loudly as they ran their head along your legs the last thing before you slept and the first thing before you woke. 

And you were sure you could revel in the feeling of warm, welcoming homeliness of the home and the family for the rest of your life.

12 october, 2014

Nelly had looked truly ravishing on her wedding day. The white dress was an unusual contrast to her jeans and sweaters. You were convinced there was nothing she couldn’t pull off. Harry had been hanging off your arm all evening, like a lost toddler. He’d acted like one too, making comments about being tired and his feet hurting all day. You paid no mind to him, though. This was Nelly’s day and she was your friend and you wanted to be there to support her. You’d known the girl since your first day of secondary school when you were both a mere eleven years old. 

Eileen plopped herself down beside you, her eyes exploring the faces that were lost on her in the large hall. Everybody was mingling now, catching up with people they hadn’t seen since 2010. Her presence pulled you away from your hushed conversation with Harry. “I don’t even know who half of these people are,” Eileen sighed. 

“That’s how it usually goes at weddings,” Harry replied, taking a sip of the provided champagne, slumping back in his chair slightly. 

“Like, who even is that?” she sighed, gesturing subtly to an elderly man stood with Nelly and her mother. 

You sighed, “That’s her granddad.”

“Oh,” Eileen said. “Are you sure? I thought her granddad died last year.”

“No, that was my granddad,” you chuckled. “That’s Nelly’s Granddad Joe.”

“If you say so,” she sighed, finishing the rest of her gin and tonic. “They all look the same to me. White hair, wrinkly.”

Harry stifled a snort at Eileen’s nonchalant tone. You patted her shoulder lightly, also amused. Eileen had a habit of growing very tired of boring occasions very quickly. It had happened numerous times before and it always cracked you up. She started up again, “I never mind the actual ceremony, like that’s somewhat interesting. It’s the mingling I can’t stand. We’ve been here for two hours, Nelly’s already married, why do people care about this stuff so much?”

“Because it’s nice to catch up with people,” you replied. 

She lay her head down on your shoulder tiredly, “That’s what Facebook is for.”

Harry chuckled, “Well, she isn’t wrong.”

You tried so hard not to sigh so loudly, but it still came out louder than you perhaps would have liked, “Will you two at least pretend to give a shit? Eileen, this is our best friend getting married and you don’t care. We’ve known her for ten years, liven up. Harry, this is my friend and I want to celebrate with her. Just suck it up and deal with it. We’ll go soon.”

You were quite literally dealing with toddlers. You looked up when Nelly finally came and sat down at the table you’d been huddled around. She finished what was left of her drink and threw her head back. “I’m so tired,” she sighed. Even the bride was beginning to act like a two-year-old. 

“I can imagine,” you offered her your best smile. “So, how does it feel to be married?”

“Relieving,” she explained. “But somewhat anticlimactic. My feet hurt and I’m sick of having to say hello to every single aunt, uncle, cousin, nephew, niece. Just to get told ‘oh, I never thought I’d see our Nelly get married’ or ‘my, haven’t you grown’? Yes, Linda, I have. Because it’s been seven years since you’ve last seen me, I’m not thirteen anymore.”

The three of you exchanged amused glances at Nelly’s grumbling. She was throwing her arms about, staring down at the white tablecloth that had a big wine stain in it. Your mother had knocked over her wine when explaining to Harry how much of a teacher’s pet you were in school. Obviously, you had to interject and explain that caring about grades didn’t equal a teacher’s pet. “Oh, you never thought you’d see your Nelly get married, did you? Well, maybe that’s because gay marriage was only legalised last year. Fucking disgusting,” Nelly went on.

Eileen quickly held up her hand, “Please, we’ve heard this rant before.”

Nelly sighed, glancing boredly at Eileen. You all sat in peaceful silence for a moment, comforted by the feeling of Harry’s large hand on your leg. When your mother finally came over, telling you she was heading off, you decided it was time for your departure too. So, congratulating Nelly and her new wife, Emma, on their marriage and beautiful ceremony and bidding farewell to those you were sure you wouldn’t see again until 2016, you and Harry ventured back to your little flat. 

Once you were showered and out of the dress you felt so beautiful in, you tumbled into bed, happy to finally have those heels off. Harry’s suit was stranded across your bedroom floor in little piles of shirt and trouser and sock. “Can I perform at our wedding?” he asked, turning to look at you as you lay your head back against the inviting softness of your pillow. 

His question and casual tone is what awoke all the life in you. You didn’t sit up dramatically and make a scene about it. You merely rolled over to face him directly, smiling softly at him, “Who said we’ll be getting married?”

He shrugged, “I think it’d be quite nice if we did one day.”

“Maybe,” you hummed, finding a wonderful level of contentment in the discussion of the future with Harry. “But you’re not performing at it.”

He chuckled, “Why not? Me and the boys. The lads and I. A bit of Up All Night? Some more recent stuff? Come on, Y/N, you’d love it.”

“Not when my new husband is singing with his little boyband.”

Hearing you refer to Harry as your ‘new husband’ certainly made him light up inside. And his head was suddenly filled with all sorts of fantasies of what it would be like to wake up beside you every day. To come home from a long day and order food in because neither of you could be bothered to cook. To get your first pet together, probably name it after a character in a show you were presently obsessed with. To raise a family together. To fight through the sleepless nights of infancy, but knowing it would all be worth it because, at the end of the day, he knew you’d always be there. Just as he’d always be there for you. 

And he smiled, because he knew this was where he wanted to stay for as long as he can. With you. 

15 may, 2015

It felt different waking up under the sun in Italy. Same sun, just… different. It was Italian. It was glorious. Perhaps it was the peacefulness of not having management drag Harry out of bed in the early hours of the morning. Perhaps it was the refreshing release of the pressures of university coursework. Perhaps it was the mere fact that you were completely alone with nobody to interrupt you. 

Harry’s hair was splayed out across the cool silk pillows that rested quite perfectly on the bed you wished belonged to you. His tattooed arms were slung lazily over your body and the thin sheets had been kicked to the bottom of the bed in your sleep. It was something about being on holiday that always made you tired, despite doing nothing but reading or lounging about in the sun or splashing about in the pool. 

He was snoring quietly, still sleeping soundly. You were happy, though, staring out the large floor-to-ceiling windows that replaced a wall of the bedroom in the villa you were staying at. It opened up onto the pool and had a simply marvellous view of the blue sea. It was a short walk into town, but you and Harry had made a point of exploring it all within the first three days so you could spend the rest of your overdue holiday cuddled up together in the sunlight.

When Harry stirred, his tired eyes still full of sleep, you finally sat up. He wrapped his arms around your waist, trying to pull you back down. You laughed, trying desperately to pry his fingers off your skin. “I’m getting up now,” you said happily. 

“Don’t,” he grumbled, closing his sleepy eyes again. “Why get up when we can stay here forever?”

“Why stay here forever when we’re literally in Italy and there’s a pool outside?” you countered. 

“But why go swim in the pool when we did that yesterday?”

You shook your head at him, laughing. You pulled yourself away from the bed that could only be described as heavenly. He watched you leave, smiling away to himself. Was this what it felt like to be in love?

Carrying a bowl of fresh strawberries, you wandered out into the garden of the villa. Soon enough, Harry joined you in his yellow shorts. Of course there had been paparazzi pictures of you and Harry exploring Amalfi, hands clasped together tightly. But, for once, you paid no mind to them. Usually, you found it hard not to stare at the pictures of you and Harry for hours, picking apart all the pixelated details of your face and body. You would be lying if you said it didn’t take a toll on you mentally. But, when you were able to turn your phone off for a week and just enjoy the world around you, it left you feeling refreshed and cleansed. 

Harry sat himself down by the side of the pool, letting his legs swing between the cool ripples of water. He lay his head back, letting his eyes flutter shut. No words were exchanged, for none were needed. You were both in silent agreement that this was where you wanted to go when you died. 

When you finished your strawberries and your lips and fingertips smelt suitably like them, you clambered up from the bench and slipped quietly into the pool. The water was contrastingly cold compared to the sun that beat down relentlessly but perfectly. You swam towards Harry, interlacing your strawberry-scented fingers with his own. He looked down at you, smiling brightly at the sight of such. “I love you,” he whispered. 

You grinned, “I love you too.”

“I’d call it more of an unhealthy obsession with me,” he replied, shrugging jokingly.

You scoffed, “If anyone has an unhealthy obsession with someone, it’s you. Let’s go to Italy, you said, you can finish your uni coursework later. You begged me to come here with you.”

He smirked down at you, “Begged? You seemed pretty eager to me.”

“Well, you never have been very observant,” you joked, squeezing his hands tightly, before dragging him into the pool with you. 

When he finally resurfaced, brushing his long hair out of his green eyes, he reached out to grasp you. He pulled you close, wrapping his arms around your body submerged in the water. Placing a gentle kiss on the tip of your nose, he held you as if he was scared you were going to be pulled away from him. As if was the last time he would ever get to feel your skin against his own. “When we go home,” he whispered, “move in with me.”

You lay your head against his shoulder, softly closing your eyes. All you needed was the sound of his light breathing and the increased beating of his heart as he waited for any kind of indication of a response from you. “Yeah, okay,” you replied, equally as quiet.

You didn’t want to make a deal about moving in with Harry. The setting wasn’t right. You were holding each other tightly in the pool of an Italian villa in Amalfi, the world around you warm and serene. So, you agreed gently, buzzing violently inside at the prospect of all the adventures you and Harry could get up to living together.  

02 july, 2016

You’d lived in Harry’s flat for a month before you both decided to buy your own house. It was a lovely home in Chelsea that you and Harry had simply fallen in love with when you first saw it. It felt perfect in the sunlight and in the pouring rain. But, as you both returned from going out for drinks after your university graduation ceremony, you were quickly irritated by the half-painted walls and flat-pack furniture. 

A week or two prior to your graduation ceremony, you had both been sat at the island in the kitchen, when you both decided that you wanted to renovate the house. Maybe replace the grey walls in the living room with a forest green and swap out the black and white furniture for navys and mustards. The modern style of the house had been nice at first, but it quickly began to feel like less of a home and more of an office building. So, you decided to change it up a bit.

Harry recently got back from America after finishing some last-minute shoots on the new Christopher Nolan film he’d been cast in. While you’d visited him once when he was shooting in Dunkirk, you still felt eternally grateful to have him back home. And, while you could sit and hear him talk about what it was like working with Christopher Nolan and the likes of Tom Hardy and Kenneth Branagh, you grew increasingly stressed about graduating and renovating the house. But now the graduation was over and you were officially free of education. The renovation was well underway and you were actively seeking a job with your English literature degree. “Thank God that’s over,” you sighed, sitting down at the kitchen island after pouring yourself a glass of chocolate milk. “Finally free of the tiresome shackles that are higher education.”

He snorted at you, “I’m proud of you. Just think, you were only in your first year at university when we first met.”

You couldn’t help but smile. So much had changed in the last three years of your life. You were sat with your boyfriend, who had just come back from shooting a movie, in the kitchen of your own house in Chelsea, London having just come back from your university graduation ceremony. One of your closest friends was married and had been happily for coming up to two years. The other had just got herself into a relationship after ranting to you about how she wanted to stay single forever countless times before. Life was good and you were content in where you were for your age. Who wouldn’t be? You’d just broken into your 20s and were about to enter the brutal world of careers. “I miss your long hair,” you said suddenly, pouting slightly at the sight of Harry without his hair you’d grown so used to. 

“I don’t. Dries so much quicker after showers,” he said. “Stays out of my face when I’m doing stuff. Doesn’t get knotted so easily. So many perks to shorter hair.”

“But you looked so hot with it,” you said, mocking a sad tone.

He smiled, “Don’t I look hot now?”

You shrugged, “You always look hot. Just less hair to grab now.”

His cheeks flushed and you couldn’t help but laugh, “You’re so cheeky sometimes!”

“Just speaking the truth, your honour,” you raised your hands in surrender. “What shall we order in for dinner?”

“Up to you, it’s your day after all,” he smiled. “I’m just going for a shower, so just order me whatever.”

As he got up, he pressed his lips to yours briefly as he walked past, squeezing your shoulder. It was the domesticity of it that made you fall in love with him more and more. Late nights binging crappy tv shows and early morning leftovers and the moment of realisation that you’d forgotten to water the plants by the kitchen window. It was what you’d imagined the entire time you’d been with Harry. All of these hypotheticals that you had stored away in your mind were now your simply marvellous reality.

10 may, 2017

The topic of children had been brought up a few times before. You’d both agreed that you wanted them one day. Mid-twenties maybe, 25 or 26? You’d been together since you were both nineteen, but you were still young. That’s not to say that if you happened to fall pregnant now you’d be entirely opposed to becoming parents. Your house had long been finished and you had a decent job and Harry had his debut album and his film coming out. 

But presently, you found yourself sat on the sofa, listening to Harry’s completed album. Anne was sat beside you, silently absorbing the masterpiece that her son had crafted. As Two Ghosts slowly became Sweet Creature, you felt yourself tear up, only to look over and find Anne in floods of tears. You knew, as you listened intently to the lyrics, it was Harry’s way of assuring you it was going to be okay. You didn’t need to worry about starting a family yet. You didn’t need to worry about arguing with him. It would all be okay in the end. 

As the final note of From the Dining Table echoed across your living room, it was safe to say you and Anne were both desperate to hear it all again. Harry Styles being unapologetically himself was something you would be eternally proud of him for. 

21 july, 2017

Maybe if you hadn’t gone to the Dunkirk premiere on Harry’s arm, you wouldn’t be feeling so uneasy. You were there to look nice and give the newspapers something to talk about the next morning. Always something about ‘HARRY STYLES AND LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND Y/N Y/L/N AT DUNKIRK PREMIERE’ which would be full of meaningless facts about your relationship, your education and career and family, who styled the two of you. Of course, you were excited to see Harry in a project he’d put so much life into and you were so proud of him. But it was when you and Harry were being interviewed that you began to feel uncomfortable. 

It had started off fine with questions about what prompted Harry to star in a film, what it was like working with Christopher Nolan, that sort of thing. But, as usual, the interviewers managed to make smooth transitions into Harry’s personal life. “Y/N, you and Harry have been together since 2013, how does it feel to see him succeed on such a global scale?” one asked. 

Your gaze shifted between Harry and the camera behind the interviewer, “Well, he’s happy, isn’t he? And, as long as he’s happy, I’ll always be proud of him.”

He couldn’t help but smile to himself at your answer, as did the interviewer, who knew they were getting some good footage. It wasn’t often you did publicity things. Obviously, you would have to be in certain places with Harry to spark some news articles, which were completely set up by Harry’s management. You didn’t mind that so much. But being asked about yourself and your relationship was something you didn’t like all that much. You’d go live on Instagram sometimes and you would get a couple of questions about Harry, which you were usually happy to answer. And if you felt uncomfortable answering them, you could just pretend you hadn’t seen it. But in real-life interviews, there was no escaping them and the hole the camera burnt into you. “So, you two have obviously been together for nearly five years,” another began, “is there any possibility of children in your future?”

Harry had been getting the kids question since he turned twenty, but this one seemed to make him flinch slightly. Maybe it was the recent tension you’d both been feeling about starting a family. Were you ready? Weren’t you? Should you get a home that wasn’t so central first? All these questions that neither of you knew the answers to. Maybe it was the recent loss of Harry’s stepfather and the ripple that had caused within the family. “I think we should get a cat before we have a child,” was your reply, your tone joking and your smile friendly, but your answer serious. 

Harry chuckled, “I think we’re both still quite young and we’re both committed to our careers, so having a child right now would just be illogical and impractical. I think it’s healthy to focus on ourselves and our relationship for a few years more.”

But that wasn’t the last question about parenthood. And with each one, you began to feel the pressure of society to start a family more and more. It was actually such a relief to get into the cinema, sit down and just enjoy the film. When you finally got home and up into bed, you had to roll over and voice your thoughts to Harry. “Should we have a baby?” you asked quietly.

“Not if you’re not ready,” he replied in a hushed tone as if he’d been expecting you to bring such a topic up. And, truth be told, he had. He had watched your eyebrows furrow more every time you were asked about kids and your tone become an increasingly stronger mix of shakiness and aggressiveness. 

“Everyone expects us to, Harry,” you said. 

“Well, they’re not in our relationship. It’s your body, love, when you want a kid, we’ll have a kid.”

09 january, 2019

One year ago, you and Harry had decided to start trying for a baby. You had both reached a point in your lives where you were happy and comfortable. You decided it was the perfect time to start expanding your quiet little home. Neither of you were to know the stress that would come in the following months. 

It had been a year. A year and not even a single sign of pregnancy. None of your periods were significantly late, you never felt the urge to throw up in the morning. No weird cravings, no weight gain. 

You were round at Nelly’s house with Eileen. Her wife, Emma, was out for the day so Nelly had invited the two of you round. Six episodes deep into the latest craze of television, the three of you found more interest in conversation. “How’s Harry?” Eileen asked after she’d finished telling you about the new dog she and her boyfriend, Charlie, had adopted. 

You sighed. You didn’t want to lie and say he was fine; that the two of you were fine. Because you weren’t. Every single negative pregnancy test resulted in an extra argument, more pressure and stress and lots more guilt on both ends. “Yeah, yeah, he’s good. We’re good,” you said. 

“You’re such a liar,” Nelly laughed. “Tell us what’s wrong.”

Taking a deep breath, you prepared to explain everything to your friends. From the pressures of the media to the failure to conceive. The two girls sat and listened in silence, absorbing the piles of information you were presenting them with. And, when you were finally finished, Eileen said, “Maybe you should go to the doctors about that. If it’s been a year and you still aren’t pregnant, it might be something they can fix… you know, cure.”

“I’d rather not know if there’s something wrong with me,” you grumbled. 

“I think you would. It would be better to know, right? As Eileen said, it might be something they have some pills for,” Nelly said.

“They have pills for everything,” you sighed. “But fine, I’ll go to the doctors. Only if you come with me.”

“Of course,” Nelly smiled softly as Eileen leaned over to squeeze your trembling hand. “Are you going to tell Harry?”

“I’ll tell him if something happens. If they say it’s nothing, then he doesn’t need to know,” you said quietly. 

Nelly and Eileen exchanged a silent glance, before Eileen said, “It’s been a year, Y/N. It must be something.”

17 january, 2019

You sat nervously opposite the doctor. Your knee was bouncing and your heart rate can’t have been healthy. You had gotten up early, leaving Harry asleep in bed, to come and collect your results from the doctor. She smiled softly at you and it definitely made you feel more comfortable. “So, Y/N. Your results came back and it appears you have Diminished Ovarian Reserve, or DOR. Basically, you have a lower number or quality of eggs, which makes it harder to reproduce. Essentially, you don’t have as much reproductive potential left within your ovaries.”

Her words quickly became a ringing noise rooted deep within your ears. Your eyes fell from her own and found the horrible carpet on the floor far more comforting. You were alone now and you were beginning to wish you’d brought one of the girls or your mother or even Harry. “I-is there any kind of treatment?” you asked. 

She leant back in her chair slightly, interlocking her hands on her lap, “We can prescribe some supplements, which will hopefully increase fertility. But if you want a child, there’s always adoption or we can even try IVF. It’s up to you, Y/N.”

You nodded, grabbing your coat from the chair beside you and slipping your arms into it. You thanked her quickly, taking the supplements and leaving. Everything seemed to pass you by in a blur. It took you a long time to collect your thoughts. And, as you reached your front door, it hit you that you were to blame for the lack of positive pregnancy tests. It was your eggs that were fucking it all up. You might even have a baby right now if it weren’t for you. You took a moment to wipe away the tears that were falling freely from your eyes. You rested your head against the front door before finally pushing your way through. 

Harry was sat at the piano in the corner of the living room. He was still in his pyjamas and there was a glass of half-drunken orange juice on the coffee table. He didn’t turn to look at you when he heard you enter, he just said, “Morning, love. Where have you been? You weren’t here when I woke up.”

He was busy scribbling in his notebook to take any real interest in your whereabouts. This was the problem with the hole you and Harry had dug yourselves trying to conceive: nobody cared anymore. He didn’t care where you went or how you were. He didn’t care how your mother was. You didn’t care about how his day was. You didn’t care how his friends were getting on.  Nobody cared anymore and it was driving you insane. “The doctors,” you said firmly, standing in the doorframe of the living room, waiting for him to turn around. To face you. To fucking look you in the eye and not be a coward for once in his life.

But alas, he didn’t. He kept his eyes trained on the scribbles of lyrics, “Oh yeah? How was it?”

“Shit,” you snapped. “It was fucking shit. I can’t have kids. We can’t have kids. If you cared to know.”

“How come?” he asked, his back paying you more attention than his eyes. 

“Because, Harry, I’m fucking infertile. Okay? I’m infertile. I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve. So, we can’t have kids, so there’s no point in even trying anymore.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “We can try again later.”

He wasn’t listening. He didn’t know what you were talking about. You finally snapped in that moment. You’d had enough of living like this. “Why are we trying, Harry?” you asked, the tears you’d tried so hard to hide resurfacing.

“Because I thought you wanted kids,” he replied. 

“No, Harry. Why are we trying? With us. Neither of us cares about the other, we’re both miserable. You’d rather be anywhere but here. And I can’t stand this house any longer. We’re both fucking miserable so why are we still trying? Why are we still fighting for this? Why are we still fighting for a relationship that died months ago?”

He turned to look at you. The scribbling had stopped. The tinkering on the piano had stopped. He was silent. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that, so he didn’t think about it, “I am happy, love. Can’t you see?”

You shook your head, stepping back, “No, you’re not. You’re angry at me and you’ll only blame me because I can’t give us children. I need to leave, Harry.”

“What? Y/N, wait,” he said, but you’d already marched up the stairs to your bedroom. He knew you were packing your things up and what you couldn’t pack you’d come back for later. He knew he couldn’t stop you from leaving. He knew he’d be wrong for trying. Maybe you were right, maybe he was miserable, but he still loved you. God, he was so fucking in love with you. And now he was watching the girl he’d loved since he first laid eyes on her dancing in that club with her friends in 2013 walk out of his life. 

When you came back down the stairs, some bags thrown over your shoulder, you stood in the doorway to get a final glimpse of him. He looked up, meeting your eyes. Your pretty eyes. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. But he knew you weren’t apologising for the outburst. He knew you weren’t going to come crying into his arms and apologise profusely. He knew he wouldn’t have the chance to explain that they could work through it together. As they always had done before. 

“Me too,” he said quietly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And you were gone. You did love him. You felt obliged to tell him so. But you needed to leave. You were being strangled in that relationship, in that house. And you knew he was too. You’d grown to resent each other, but you were sure you would love him forever.

13 april, 2021

The baby gurgled loudly, clasping your hair between his fingers. You smiled down at the little miracle in your arms. He was only six months old. But what a little bundle of joy he was. You looked up at the sight of Eileen emerging from the shop, tucking her mask into her pocket, “Thanks for taking care of him.”

You handed him back to his mother. You had swiftly agreed to look after baby Oliver while Eileen ducked into a shop to buy Charlie his birthday present. You both wandered through the hot streets of London, patrolling the fresh fruit market that radiated a vast variety of marvellous scents. Oliver was asleep, the sun making him tired. You liked the little world you’d built up for yourself since 2019. You were a couple of years older with a flat of your own, with plants you still forget to water. And yet, you couldn’t help the prideful smile that took over your features when you heard that Harry had won a Grammy. Any bitterness you’d felt for him soon dissipated. It was your fault for the collapse of your relationship as much as it was his. 

But, when you saw Harry Styles purchasing some fresh strawberries just a few metres away, it all came flooding back. A tsunami of forgotten memories. You felt like a young and innocent university student who fell in love too quickly again. Maybe that was the reason you approached him. As he turned to leave the stand, his eyes connected with yours. You smiled softly, “Hi, Harry.”

[hoebii]

No Doubt About It

Pairing : OT7 x Reader

Genre : Angst? CEO!Au

Rating : pg15

Warnings : swearing, I have no idea how pawn shops work, Jimin is a jerk

Wc : 1.7k

A/N : Lord help me Idek what this is anymore... Thank you @agustdjoon for being my amazing beta! This fic would be a bigger hot mess if it weren’t for you lol Also this is supposed to be a two-shot so don’t @ me for keeping the ending as it is huhu. Place your bets, how long will I take to finish the second part? As usual, hope you like this hot mess~ Feedback is always welcome!

Next ->

--------------

Jungkook sat on the couch, typing away on his laptop. He didn’t even know what he was typing anymore, fingers moving over the keyboard without a thought. He should’ve been paying attention, but he couldn’t get the earlier events out of his mind.

Giving up on work, Jungkook leaned away from the screen, hands coming up to run through his hair, tugging on it in frustration. Why was something like that getting to him so much? He should be used to people talking shit by now but this time it stuck. Why? He wasn’t sure. Maybe it was because they tried bringing you into it, but then again why was his mind fixated on it for so long?

Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back and rest against the couch. Cracking one eye open when he felt someone begin to play with his hair, only to close it again when he saw it was Hoseok.

“What’s on your mind, Kook-ah?”

Jungkook sighed, rubbing his face, “It’s just… what that asshole said before… I can’t get it out of my head.”

Hoseok glanced at Jin when he heard a scoff, raising a brow in question. Jin slammed his laptop shut and put it aside, face red from anger. “How dare that guy say something like that about our baby? Who the fuck does he think is he calling her a gold digger?”

Continuing to play with Jungkook’s hair, Hoseok was about to reply in hopes of calming Jin down when a quiet murmur caught everyone’s attention.

“What if he was right, though…?” Jimin asked, eyes downcast and lips tugged down into a frown, “Maybe she really is using us for money…”

The whole room fell silent. None of the boys made a sound; in that moment you could hear a pin drop. No one knew what to say, on one hand they loved you with their whole hearts and would never think such a thing, but on the other hand no matter how much they tried not to give into those thoughts, a part of their mind kept asking, what if?

Taehyung got up from his seat, walking over to Jimin and sitting beside him, “Don’t think that way. You know Y/N, you know she isn’t like that. She’s with us because she loves us, not for our money.”

“Do we really? What if it’s all just an act to get to us. This wouldn’t be the first time someone has tried this, you know?” Jimin replied, looking up to meet Taehyung’s eyes.

Scoffing, Taehyung abruptly stood up and started pacing, “Don’t compare them to Y/N. She is not like that and never will be! I’m not going to let you ruin what we have with her just because of a baseless doubt!”

Sensing a fight about to break out, Namjoon sat up straight, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention, “Both of you, calm down. Y/N is upstairs, she can hear you if you argue right now.”

Taehyung looked away, jaw clenched in anger. Hoseok looked at Namjoon and gave him an appreciative nod, quietly thanking him for stepping in before something bad could have happened.

“We could ask for some money from her and see how she reacts,” Jin suddenly proposed, anger no longer present in his voice.

Hoseok stared at him in shock, did he hear him right? When no one replied, Jin shrugged, “I mean think about it, the maknaes are fighting over this and I know you people have doubts too, why not test her?”

“I agree with hyung,” Yoongi spoke up after staying silent the whole time, face void of any emotions as he did so, “it’s not a bad idea, we get to see if she’s really here for the money or not.”

Seeing how no one protested against the suggestion, Taehyung sputtered, “That’s a terrible idea. Where will she get the money? We’re the ones who made her quit her job, this is absolute bullshit!”

Maybe it was pettiness after the little argument with Taehyung or perhaps it was simply because he wanted to test you, Jimin agreed right after Taehyung’s little rant. The others humming in agreement or vocally letting the rest know that they were in, it was decided between them that they would ask for some money from you as a ‘test’, much to Taehyung’s chagrin.

------------------

You hummed happily as you walked downstairs to check if the boys were back and maybe get some food. You hadn’t eaten anything the whole day, too busy working on the book you were writing. Usually at least one of them would check up on you and if you had eaten if they were at home. You smiled to yourself at the thought, how lucky you felt to have the fortune to call such amazing people yours. You’d always be grateful for everything they did for you, they were the reason you had enough courage to leave your job and follow your dream of being a writer.

Your smile dimmed as you stepped off the stairs, Taehyung was sitting on the couch alone, a frown on his face. Walking to him, you sat down beside him, placing a hand on his lap as you looked at him. You couldn’t help but smile when you felt him grab your hand and squeeze it tight.

“What happened Tae, why the long face?”

Taehyung sighed at your question, refusing to meet your eyes when you tried looking at him, “I..I need your help, Y/N.”

“Help with what, bub? I’ll try to assist you in any way I can.”

He finally looked at you, tongue slipping out to lick his lips, “I need some money…”

Your eyes widened, Kim Taehyung, one of the CEOs of Bangtan Co. was asking for money? This had to be something serious.

“Why?”

“It’s eomma… she’s sick. I can’t withdraw enough money at once from the bank due to previous withdrawals… I don’t know what to do.” Taehyung explained, voice thick with sorrow.

“How can I help, baby?”

He bit his lips, seemingly contemplating his words before saying, “Can you lend me some money? The others are going to chip in too but it’s not going to be enough.”

“How much do you need?” you asked, already trying to formulate a plan in your head.

“Approximately three million won”

You sucked in a breath at that, how were you going to get that much? You shook your head at the thought, “How soon do you need it?”

“As.. as soon as possible.” Taehyung answered, hesitation clear in his voice.

Nodding, you got up from the couch, Taehyung looked at you in question as you did so, “I have to go right now, but don’t worry Tae. I’ll try my best to come up with something.”

He said nothing as he watched you rush out of the house, frowning to himself at your departure.

-----------------------

“So how was it? How did she react?” Jimin asked, as he and the others strided into the room where Taehyung remained seated.

“She left.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened at his words, “What do you mean she left? Where did she go?”

“I don’t know. All she said was she had to go and that she’d come up with something,” Taehyung answered, his frown only getting deeper as he spoke. Maybe Jimin was right after all? No he couldn’t think like that.

“So let me get this straight,” Yoongi started, looking at Taehyung with furrowed brows, “You asked her for money, and she left? After saying that she would ‘come up with something’?”

“Precisely.”

Jimin scoffed and rolled his eyes, “I was right then. She’s with us for the money.”

As much as the others wanted to argue, no one said a word.

-------------------------

The bell chimed, alerting anyone inside of your arrival as you stepped into the little pawn shop. Eyes darting around nervously before they settled on the man tending to the cash register. You gulped, wringing your hands together as you slowly walked towards him.

“How may I help you today, ma’am?” the man asked, giving you a smile.

“I’m here to pawn some jewellery?” You answered, though it felt more like a question when you did so.

“Of course. What are the items you want to pawn?” he inquired, the smile never leaving his face.

You fidgeted in your place for a second, contemplating if this was what you really wanted before deciding that yes, this was what needed to be done. Taehyung asked for your help, and you were not going to turn your back on him. Not after everything he and the others did for you.

Taking off the diamond ring that you had gotten from your mother, you placed it in front of him. Then your hands raised to unclasp the necklace that hung around your neck before placing it down too. You smiled wistfully at the items; the necklace was a gift from the boys for your first anniversary while the ring was your late-mother’s. It was the last thing you had to remember her by but now you had to part ways with it, even if it was only for a while.

“Is that all?”

“Yes,” you started, looking him in the eyes, “how much are they worth?”

------------------

It was near midnight and you still weren’t home. Jin paced around in front of the entrance, while the others sat or stood around, all of them worried.

“Where is she?” Hoseok exclaimed, anxiously running a hand through his hair.

“Ran away when she realised she wouldn't get any money, I bet,” Jimin chimed in, rolling his eyes in annoyance as he leaned back into his seat.

Taehyung growled, speed walking towards the man and grabbing him by the collar, “I am tired of you. No one fucking asked you to stay up and wait for her.”

“Taehyung!” Namjoon shouted, rushing towards the duo alongside Jungkook to break them apart, “Now is not the time to fight.”

“Then tell him to either leave or to keep his mouth shut,” Taehyung hissed, glaring daggers at Jimin who just rolled his eyes again and remained silent.

Hoseok sat on the couch and watched the scene unfold in front of him in worry, “Where are you Y/N-ie?”

[shurisneakers]

shut in [9]

Summary: When your high profile mission goes terribly wrong, you’re forced to hide in a safehouse with a man you’ve never met before. With seemingly nowhere else to go, you’re forced to work together to figure out who is trying to have you assassinated before it’s too late. (Sam Wilson x Reader, Hitman AU)

Warnings: cursing, anxiety, ptsd, shooting

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: ok ok ok ok sam deserves the world and im mad that he’s not getting it

i also appreciate feedback so if you would like to, please consider dropping me an ask or comment ly guys!!

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Shut In Masterlist

He was gone.

10:00am

Time had begun to slip past you. Days where you were forced to wake up at 4am were just a dreary memory you didn’t want to revisit. The rough shoves in the morning to have you awake enough to be in training by 4:30am only fell into the category of things you had forgotten over the time you had stayed here.

Maybe sleep wasn’t a luxury you weren’t allowed to afford.

10:30am

By the time you step into the kitchen, the loose structure of the day you had ahead of you was forming. Maybe if you revisited the small makeshift shooting range you had set up for Sam and you to practice. A couple of old soup cans, a flat boulder for them to sit on and you were good to go. He had allowed you to use his giant board for knife throwing too, laughed when you asked for permission before saying it was for the both of you. 

You made a sandwich for yourself, forcing it down your throat with water. Bread was starting to feel like cardboard and the jam just tasted like nothing. Peanut butter was even worse.

Losing appetite wasn’t an option, even though it had eroded a while ago. The best option was to just scarf it down with water. 

11:00am

Sam isn’t in the house, you had deduced. A morning run or maybe just some fresh air.

You checked for the notes he sometimes left for you when he went out. Something along the lines of when he’d be back, or why he’d left, or where you could find him. 

You looked on top of the fridge where he generally left them; someplace he knew you’d see. You didn’t find one.

You shrugged it off. 

Something felt wrong about the arrangement of the kitchen but you couldn’t place a finger on what it was. All the chairs were in its place, trash appropriately in the bin, no bowls were left from soup day in the sink to wash. 

The origami swan you had made still rested next to his paper airplane. Nothing seemed wrong or out of place. 

You pushed yourself to shake off the nerves, to get dressed instead. The shooting range was waiting for you.

12:45pm

When you shoot for thirty and get all thirty, it tends to get a little boring. Not that you were complaining; if even one was off you’d spend the whole day trying to make up for it.

Violent hobbies weren’t ideal. They weren’t even hobbies per se. Just skills you needed to keep sharp if you wanted to survive.

You even shot at the targets that you had hung up on the trees. Dangerous and completely Sam’s idea. Said the wind made them act like moving targets. Nevermind the possibility of a ricochet.

The target board was empty too. Admittedly, knife throwing was a little harder  to get used than shooting to but it still only took a few tries before you were hitting bullseye over and over again.

There just wasn’t anything to do. And you realised it had been this way for a while but you never noticed due to his lively chatter or how competitive it got with stupid games you were making up as you went. 

1:00pm

You learned against the counter as you ate, eyeing the room, trying to figure out what you had misplaced. The air was cold, even more so after the shower, so you threw on an extra t-shirt to aid you.

You made a noise of disapproval when you couldn’t find what was wrong. A quick wash of your hands before you made your way to the TV, fully intending to doze off while watching Megamind for the fourth time. 

You passed by the mini fridge on the way, noting how you needed to restock the ice cubes when you suddenly stopped in your path.

Your eyes peeled back to the small paper bowl Sam had crafted expertly that was still somehow managing to stick together. But that was what was wrong.

The keys were missing.

The fucking car keys and the pocket change you had taken from Pierce’s house were no longer there. 

Your body moved on autopilot, dragging you towards the front door. You yanked it open, door creaking under the pressure you applied on it.

Your heart sank. 

The car was gone.

1:20pm

You had all the possibilities listed out in front of you with the rest scratched out after you had rationalised it.

Someone had come in and taken the car, which wasn’t likely. 

Sam had stepped out but hadn’t mentioned it to you. If he did, why would he need the car?

Someone had abducted Sam, which was absurd on paper but still left a twinge of uncertainty because you couldn’t definitively rule it out. 

He had just left. Decided he was done and left. 

You stared at the last option. 

“Fuck,” you cursed.

You could feel his muscle shift as he looked at you. 

“What’s wrong?” 

You opened your mouth but shut it again. How do you explain it to him without sounding utterly ridiculous?

You wondered if it was that conversation. 

He wouldn’t leave after you told him, would he?

You hesitated before shaking your head.

He’d come back. He would.

1:45pm 

You had added a few more possibilities to the list but discarded it almost immediately.

You now found a place in front of the TV, watching but not registering what was said. Your fingers kept itself busy by playing with the hem of your shirt. You had thrown another one on since his jacket was missing with the rest of him. It had gotten colder.

The woman droned on about how much her husband loved the recipe she was making. It was Sam’s favourite segment, not because it was particularly fantastic or anything, but because it gave him forty five minutes of free content to trash talk.

Your eyes kept glancing up at the clock. Was it broken or was time much slower than you initially thought?

You almost felt like you were in a cognitive dysfunction; you couldn’t do anything other than while away time till you figured out what had gone wrong. 

2:00pm

If you weren’t paying attention, you wouldn’t have heard the soft crunch of twigs. The whirring of the wheels as it turned gently only made you sit up straight, hands on the gun that rested on the couch beside you.

It came to a stop. The gun was fully in your grip now, TV turned off to determine what the noises were.

It was the most agonisingly slow minute you spent listening as the car opened and shut, muffled by the distance. You were near the door, using the adjoining wall as a hideaway. 

The doorknob shook as someone tried to push their way in. 

“Sam?” you called out cautiously against your better judgement, mentally cringing. 

It took a second for his reply to return. 

“Hey, sweetheart. Let me in, will you? Stupid door’s not opening.”

Of course it wouldn’t. It was fingerprint activated.

Relief flooded your system, letting yourself hold the gun with only one hand as you hastily made your way to open the door.

However, you paused. As much as you wanted to fling the door open blindly, you waited, hand on the knob.

“Is someone out there with you?”

“What?” he sounded confused. “No, it’s just me.”

You opened the door slightly, peeking out through the sliver of open space. 

Sure enough, it was only him. The car was returned to the same spot that it was.

“Where were you?” You yanked the door open. You sounded way more aggressive than you planned to, you were sure. It didn’t matter though.

“Went to the store,” he said nonchalantly, stepping inside, and dropping the keys back where they were.

“What?” 

He was so relaxed about it, like it was nothing. It only irked you further than you already were.

“Drove the car till the highway, walked into town and went to the store.” He set the bag down. “What’d you do all day?”

“You went to the town,” you emphasised. “To the fucking store.”

“Yeah, I figured you would be up by the time I came back.”

“You were gone for hours.” You crossed your arms over your chest, fighting the urge to yell. You could talk it out calmly. You didn’t have to snap

You hoped he had a good reason. You sincerely hoped, for his well being and security, that he risked his life to go to public space.

“We’re way further out than you think. Nearest dollar store’s almost the next fuckin’ state if you’re walking. Had to ditch the car because it’s a little too flashy, even for me.” He lifted up the bag next to him. “Got us some ramen. And juice. That’s all we had cash for anyway.”

You stare at him, mouth slightly agape. 

“You could have been seen, Sam,” your tone was corrosive, the next best you could do instead of yelling. “For all we know, you could have been followed.”

“No one followed me. I made sure.”

That did nothing to alleviate the anxiety that was crawling into your head. 

“You’re ridiculous,” you muttered. “Fucking ridiculous.”

“Where are you going?” You ignored him, turning on your heel and walking to the bedroom. You didn’t care if it was his day that day. He could rot in the kitchen with his stupid ramen for all you cared.

You cursed as you slammed the door behind you, launching yourself onto the bed. 

There was no denying you were relieved that he was still alive and here. But fuck him. Fucking dickhead. 

Fucking juice.

You spent the next couple of hours feeling absolutely embarrassed for yourself. Why did you spend hours worrying if he was safe when he was out there, gallivanting in public for some stupid noodles?

Both of you could have been absolutely fucked if he wasn’t careful. He may have just jeopardised your entire set up.

But deep down, no matter how much it was annoying to acknowledge, you knew he wouldn’t have. He was smart, strategic. 

Why would he do something like this?

How much you were worried scared you. There was no time where it had occurred that maybe you were in danger too. Every possibility you came up with only pushed the thought of him possibly in trouble further into your head. 

But the more you spend time overthinking, the more you realised that him being in danger wasn’t the entire cause of your worry. 

What if he didn’t come back? Why’d he come back? 

He had the means to leave, the will to and clearly was able to go undetected for a while. He didn’t need to return, but he did. 

And for what; to give you some food he bought from the dollar store. 

He seemed excited about it too, before you had closed the door on his face and decided to spend the next few hours self-destructing.

Fucking ramen.

Maybe if you could just lie there until you decomposed, then you wouldn’t have to have a conversation with him about this. That’s what you would have done a couple of months ago. 

But now the idea of communicating had been implanted and implemented several times before. It didn’t feel right to push it away, not when you’d come so far. A chance to heal.

You groaned, shoving a pillow onto your face before getting up grumpily. 

Fuck this man and his stupid, healthy methods of coping. 

___

You opened the door slowly, creeping into the hallway to assess what he was doing. It had been a few hours of silence in the house. He had given you space, not come knocking on the door to explain himself. 

You took note of the kitchen. The table had been laid with two bowls of noodles covered with a plate along with a glass each of juice. It was domestic. Cute.

He was watching Die Hard but the volume was turned down low. If he was anything like you, he wouldn’t have been paying too much attention.

You cleared your throat awkwardly to grab his attention.

His neck craned to look at you, surprise flashing across his face for a second before he leapt up, turning off the TV in an instant.

“Y/N,” he stated as normally as he could.

“Samuel,” your tone was steady. 

He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Wasn’t sure if you were gonna show up.” 

“Neither was I.” You looked at the table, gesturing towards it with your shoulder. “Watchu got there, Gordon Ramsey?”

Because screw him, but the longer you stood there staring at the bowl, you were starting to understand the lengths he went to to get something other than bread, peanut butter and soup. As much as the prospect of being petty thrilled you, you had survived on nothing but them for the past few weeks.

“Got a few packs of ramen and a gallon of juice from the store. Thought you- we deserve somethin’ nice.” You noticed his quick coverup but didn’t acknowledge it. “It’s not Michelin star worthy, but it’ll do.”

You nodded, avoiding looking at him.

“I-”

“Hey-”

Both of you started at the same time, only to be cut off by the other. You mentioned for him to continue.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I should have told you before I left,” You didn’t expect the sincerity that exuded from every word he let out and you found yourself unable to look away. “I’m not used to people worrying about where I go... but things are different now. I won’t do it again.”

You weren’t used to the feeling of lightness that accompanied an apology. Relief. 

“Thank you,” you said breathily. His face noticeably brightened. “But why’d you come back?”

His small smile left as soon as it came, as his face fell into a frown. “What?”

“You could have just left. You had the car, the-” you stopped yourself from listing out reasons why he should have. “Why’d you come back?”

He looked completely confused. 

“Because I wanted to,” he voiced. “Leaving you behind was never an option. I wouldn’t-”

He trailed off, eyes never leaving yours. 

“You’re stuck with me,” he urged softly. “We’re a team.”

You lingered on him longer than you wanted to admit. He wasn’t lying, you had realised. 

“Care to join me for dinner?” he asked, extending a hand to you.

You rolled your eyes but took it, feeling the heat creep up your neck. He smirked at you and fuck, he was frustratingly cute. 

You understood. You totally understood when you nearly died at the first bite you took, vowing to never take food like this for granted again. It may have been the absolute bare minimum; just the seasoning and noodles he had cooked in the microwave, but it was the best goddamn meal you ever had.

“Good, right?” He looked about as content as he could be. 

“Best fuckin’ day of my life.”

He kidded around some more. You choked out a laugh at some, wholly ignored the others to which he took complete offence. You saw it as a way to humble him.

This was the normalcy you had crushed your craving for so long ago, accepting that it wouldn’t ever happen. A normal dinner with someone who made you smile, no impending doom lurking around the corner and maybe a shot at a glimmer of something happy. 

It was strange that you found it with another hitman in a safe house, hiding from authorities and who knows what else, with food worth a couple of cents. You wouldn’t want it any other way.

Yet there were things that had to be discussed. Conversations that needed to happen.

“Sam, we need to talk about it.” You didn’t have to explain, he knew what you were talking about.

“What’s wrong?” 

“I need to tell you something and I need you to hear me out before saying anything,” you pulled away from him, shuddering at the sudden cold that enveloped you. 

“I’m listening.”

“We do,” he agreed, and you could feel the atmosphere in the room begin to shift. “But we don’t have to do it now.”

He reached across from where he was sitting, hesitantly interlacing your fingers. The sense of fluster you experienced wasn’t healthy, you decided.

You just ducked your head, fighting against the damn smile that was trying to make its way onto your face. You didn’t pull away.

“Okay.”

Next part

[ninyard]

i want to know ANYTHING and EVERYTHING about the andrew meets neil as stefan au

YES PLS OKAY

(holy shit this was supposed to be a HC ramble/snippets from the fic but uhhh….here’s a mini fic instead????? The actual fic I wrote isn’t even set back in California it’s set in PSU??? This was supposed to be short backstory!!!!!! Anyways lmk if u want the foxes stuff lol Enjoy <3)

Neil had natural looking ashy blonde with green eyes at the time, no older than 14 years old, going by the name Stefan Montgomery. Him and Mary ended up in a motel in Oakland for a couple weeks, regaining their footing after a close-call somewhere in Oregon.

Mary had hit Neil a gnarly heavy-handed blow after he forgot which name he was using in Eugene. Was it Sam? Or Dylan? Or had it been Joseph? A nice inch wide cut sat where his perfect court tattoo would sit, just on the turn of his cheekbone below the corner of his eye, bordered by a healing purple-brown bruise. Stefan was born on the border between California and oregon, stolen from a waiter at a pit stop diner, who didn’t let their coffee cups go empty as they mapped out where to go next.

He had met Andrew by chance; Stefan had been sitting on the bottom of the metal stairs that led up to the floor they were staying at. Mary was having a shower, dying her hair, becoming Georgia, perfect mother, a beautiful, average woman. He was people watching, looking at the cars pulling in and out of the car park, making up his own stories about who was who, what their names were and if they were worth stealing when they inevitably moved on. Andrew hung around the motel because just behind the building was an old, decrepit playground that’s should’ve been foreclosed years ago. Nobody ever used it, so it was a quiet place for him to be alone. He’d been walking through the parking lot after having just grabbed a chocolate bar or two from the vending machine when he stopped in front of Neil.

“What happened to your face?” It was quiet, barely a sentence, not big enough of a question to be intrusive or over-stepping.

“I’m a boxer.” That was the lie he’d been using for a few days. “I had a fight a couple days ago.”

You see, Stefan was a name Neil didn’t want to remember, like a bitter memory he forced himself to forget. It was just before Mary’s paranoia began to spiral even worse that it had already been. Stefan was keep your head down, we won’t be here long, give it a week, give it a week. Stefan was sleepless nights, watching his mother sat upright almost all night, eyes on the door, a knife under her pillow. Stefan was you don’t need friends, they’ll drag you down.

Mary didn’t know until the end that they’d been friends, Neil teaching Andrew the little boxing he knew, Andrew teaching Stefan how to keep yourself busy when you needed something to do. There was something about Andrew that made it impossible for him to stay away; he wasn’t a particularly happy kid, but the way he spoke, the way he cared about the fake life Neil had made up, the way he saw Stefan’s life as something he could never have.

“Have you ever thought about kissing a boy your age?” They’d been in Oakland for three weeks, and the two kids had made plans to meet every time Mary was occupied and Andrew was around. Neil didn’t really think to wonder why Andrew was always around. Didn’t he have a family who would miss him being gone all this time? Didn’t he have a home to go to?

“No,” Neil answered honestly. There wasn’t time for thoughts like that. Kisses weren’t signs of affection; kisses were lies, kisses were dangerous, kisses occupied a space in the mind that could be filled with run, run, run.

“Do you think it’s wrong?” Andrew had been swinging on the swing set, his feet dangling from the chipped plastic seat, the creaky chains holding him up. The question was loaded. Behind it was a conversation he’d had with his foster-mom, a slur from his foster-siblings, another hit from his foster-father.

“No,” that was an honest answer too. In his head his answer sounded like I’ve been told all kissing was wrong. But he couldn’t say that. Normal teenagers thought about kissing, and boyfriends, and girlfriends, and worried about how they looked in front of their crush. “Do you?”

“I don’t know.” His words were a sigh. Andrew trusted Stefan in this weird, out of character way. He’d never met anyone who’d been more interested to hear about his life than talk about their own. Of course, half of it was a half-truth, lies weaved into the story of Andrew.

Andrew was the first person who made Neil smile in a very long time. It was foreign hearing himself laugh, a sound reserved for fake interactions with strangers who couldn’t help but prying. Neil trusted him. His honest eyes often burning a hole in his face, on the days when Neil couldn’t bare eye contact. Andrew was a rock that Neil could feel himself becoming more and more attached to, more and more…attracted to? He didn’t know what that feeling felt like, but when he caught himself thinking about what a long hug from him would feel like, or a kiss on the forehead, the cheeks, the nose, the….

It was an impossible thought that Neil kept buried. Until Andrew had a bad day. Until Neil met him in the playground and he was sat underneath the slide, face buried in his knees that were pulled to his chest. Black hood pulled so far forward it almost covered the wet cheeks and puffy eyes he tried to hide. Stefan sat just across from him, the tips of their shoes not quite touching, but Neil rested his open palms on his shoes for Andrew to hold if he needed. He didn’t ask what was wrong.

“You’re my friend?” Andrew asked, half statement, half question. There was no hesitation in Neil’s “Of course.”

Andrew gently weeped, babbling on about wishing he could feel normal, or have a normal family. He wished he could understand himself. He wished he didn’t have to hurt so much. He’d looked up at Neil with his red eyes and wiped the tears from his face with the cuff of his sleeve. “Can I trust you?”

The statement hurt Neil far more than he thought it would. He hated that words spilled out of his mouth, his eyes stinging at the thought of saying what he really wanted to say. His mouth said “You can tell me anything,” when his brain said “I think Stefan dies in a week”.

Andrew told him about how he thought he was gay, and how embarrassed, alone, and ugly he felt to think that way. He didn’t know what normal feelings felt like. He didn’t know what it felt like to kiss someone he actually wanted to kiss. The statement hung in the air like a floating question. Did he…? Andrew had brushed away the thought almost as quickly as Neil did, but not without both their cheeks flushing pink at the unspoken idea. Neil watched as Andrew messed with the strings on his hoodie. Andrew cheered up after a little while, but when Neil realised how long he’d been gone for, he panicked. Instinctively, he pulled Andrew into a hug before running back to the motel room.

Stefan was bad memories, he’d always had to remind himself. Stefan was a mistake, a fuck-up, a vulnerability he would never, ever show again. Stefan was a slap across the face when he came back late. “Where the hell have you been?” Followed by a lie, then another, then another. Neil had only lied to his mother a handful of times in his life, but when it came to Andrew they seemed to slip out of his mouth at an alarming rate. The next time he seen Andrew, his swollen, burst lip barely hidden, Andrew had brushed his fingers across it and sarcastically asked if it was the product of another boxing match. Neil shushed him when he asked if his mother had done it. That was too personal. He was letting Andrew in too far and he was rotting Neil from the inside out. His hardened exterior fell away when he was around Andrew, and boy, was that dangerous. It shattered into a million pieces when they sat at at the top of the jungle-gym and Andrew asked so gently if he could kiss him.

No, no, no. The ghost of his mother’s hands in his hair told him to walk away. The phantom pain of a slap, and a hit, and a deafening lecture about his safety told him to stop letting Andrew in. He knew it was dangerous. He knew it, he knew it, he knew it. So why did his lips automatically curl around the word yes and his heart start pumping a hundred miles a minute? They looked each other in the eyes for a few seconds, minutes, hours, days, until they were both so close they couldn’t see each other anymore. It was only a peck, a playground kiss, but Neil’s stomach flipped. Andrew pulled away as quickly as he’d leaned in. He didn’t look at Neil for the rest of the hour they spent together, but Neil didn’t look at him. That wasn’t to say they each didn’t have to constantly fight a love-struck smile off their faces every few minutes.

Their meetings started to get less frequent after that. Andrew stopped showing up, but instead left little notes carved into the yellow plastic of the slide. ‘R u grossed out? -A’ was the first one he left after their moment’s kiss. All Neil wrote back was ‘Never’. The next time they seen each other in person they sat hidden again in the top of the jungle gym. Neil knew Mary was planning on them moving on in the following days. He couldn’t tell Andrew. Even the thought of it broke his heart. Regardless of the kiss, or kisses, they shared, Andrew had become the closest friend Neil had ever had. Neil had to remind himself more than once that everything Andrew thought he knew about Stefan was a fabrication. They spoke about sexuality again, hands brushing off each other, sometimes intertwined, sometimes resting on the others leg or arm. Andrew asked if Neil was gay, and his face fell when Neil said no, I don’t think so. It took him a moment to add on “I don’t know what I am”. They left kisses on each other’s lips that lingered for hours, for days. The more Neil let Andrew in, the harder it was for him to keep lying to his mother. She began to get suspicious of where he was going when she left him alone.

Even still, Neil didn’t hear when Mary came into the playground the last time he seen Andrew. Andrew had his head rested on his shoulder, their hands intertwined and hidden between their outstretched legs. They’d been talking about something and nothing at the same time. Neil’s stomached bottomed out when he saw her brunette hair and tiny figure step around the rusted green fence. He let go of Andrew’s hand as quickly and as subtly as he could, but he knew it was no use. He didn’t know how long she’d been standing there. Andrew looked into Stefan’s green eyes as Neil stood up, searching, scared. Neil sent him a weak smile. This was the last time he would ever look into those hazel eyes, his light eyebrows furrowed as he watched Neil begin to walk away. Neil had nodded his way, and whispered a frightened ‘See you around’ before he walked over to join Mary. She grabbed his arm and pulled him towards their motel room, already mentally packing their bags. Not before she beat him harder than she ever had before. Neil expected it. But every blow reminded him of Andrew until Andrew was no longer gentle touches and honesty and kisses. Andrew was a kick to the back of the knees as he walked through the motel room door. Andrew was a slap, and another, and another. He was a screaming, crying, angry mother, shoving whatever belongings they owned into their single duffel bag. Andrew was leaving their key at reception at midnight and starting their journey to another town. Andrew wasn’t worth it. Andrew was the swollen ankle he walked on for miles. Andrew was Mary pulling roughly at his blonde hair to dye it black in some random gas station that night. He wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it. Neil left Stefan with Andrew in Oakland. He tried to leave the memories there too. Oh, how badly he tried.

The worst part was, Andrew didn’t know that was the last time he would ever see Stefan again. He waited every day for him to come back. Every day came and went and every day he never showed up. Neil didn’t know about that part, you see. Neil thought Andrew would forget about Stefan like a childhood crush, thrown away, moved on to the next cute boy who listened to him talk. They shared a thought, though, drilling the regret and shame into their minds. He wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it.

(Part 2)

[princehairsupremacy]

84, 90, 99, and 102 for a enemies to lovers harry styles smut please and thank youuuuuu ;)

84. "How are you so arrogant?"

90. "Do you have to be so rude?"

99. "I never said I hate you."

102. "Answer the phone, don't worry, I'm not stopping."

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Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: use of the word daddy but only like twice and jokingly, mentions of masturbation, thigh riding, oral (f receiving), spitting in mouth, vaginal sex

afab!reader, she/her pronouns

You'd been working on getting this promotion but in the end he got it.

Harry Styles.

Of course, he got it, every time you guys compete over something he seems to win and you don't know why. Maybe its his charming smile, or nice hair, or pretty face- okay, you did not say all that.

"How's it feel to lose." He walked up to you and grinned his infamous grin. "I always win don't I."

"How are you so arrogant?" He tutted and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, making you flinch and him raise an eyebrow but ignore it.

"I just like talking about how I win."

"That's what arrogance is, Harold." He moved his arm away from your shoulder and glared at you, making you smile.

"Told you not to call me that, you know I don't like it."

You patted his back and gave him a fake smile. "I'm sorry, what would you prefer? Annoying whiney bitch?" He smirked and looked at you.

"I prefer something like daddy." You gasped and stepped back from him. "Oh, you would like that wouldn't you?"

"It's the end of the day, it's time to go home." You said quickly, walking to your office with him following you while you grab your bag.

"Aw darling, don't go. Don't you wanna stay here with daddy?" You ignored him and continue to pack up your things, gasping when you were pushed against your office wall.

"Ignoring me now? I don't appreciate that." You raised your eyebrows at him.

"What the fuck are you doing! I'll ignore you if I want to." He grabbed your hands and placed them above your head, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Do you have to be so rude? Acting like you don't think of me late at night, when you're all desperate and needy. God knows I do." You widened your eyes and saw the heavy blush on his cheeks from his confession.

"I thought you hated me." He shook his head and squeezed your hands that he was still holding above your head.

"Fuck Harry, I don't know if we should do this." You said, all the while slightly grinding on his thigh like a horny teenager.

"I never said I hate you. You know how they say that little boys are dickheads to the little girls who they have crushes on?" You nodded and swallowed heavily. "Well I was acting like a little boy, now I'm acting like a man and owning up to how I feel. I think you're fucking wonderful and I wanna fuck you so hard." You pressed your thighs together and he obviously noticed, shoving his thigh between yours and pressing it against you, making you gasp softly at the contact.

"We definitely can do this. Looks like you're already getting started, no shame in that." You looked away from his eyes, a little embarrassed but didn't let your hips stop what they were doing.

"Shit, look at you, grinding on my fucking thigh. So hot..." He moved his thigh away and you whined, making him smirk cockily. "Didn't know you would enjoy my thigh that much. Why don't you go take your trousers off and sit in your chair." You started taking off your clothes quickly, him quickly grabbing your wrist. “Slowly for me?”

You lifted your shirt over your head, dragging your hands down your sides sensually while keeping eye contact then unbuttoning your trousers, closing your eyes when you felt him grip your waist and bringing you closer to him. “Do you enjoy being a little tease?” He gripped your trousers with his large hands and bent down as he took them off, kissing new skin that was exposed as he was taking your trousers off. “You’re beautiful.” He stood back up and looked at the chair, making you remember what he said, sitting down in the chair.

“You’re such a good girl, aren’t you?” You nodded and he got on his knees in front of you, pressing his fingers over your underwear and kissing your thighs. He moved your underwear to side and then gasped as he looked up at you. “Fuck, you’re so ready for me aren’t you? I can’t wait.” He placed his hands at the waistband of your underwear and ripped them, making you scowl and him grin. 

“If you’re mad about that, I’ll buy you new ones later. Don’t focus on it right now.” He leaned forward and got to use his tongue once before your phone started to ring in your bag. He leaned back and caressed your thighs. “Answer the phone, don’t worry. I’m not stopping.” You quickly grabbed your phone so he could start, answering the call and pressing it to your ear, hearing your friends voice immediately.

“Hey! I hear Harry got the promotion, so sorry, you totally deserved that promotion!” You tried to keep your composure when answering her.

“Yup, Harry got the promotion.” He mouthed at you to put the phone on speaker when he heard you say his name and you rolled your eyes but obliged.

“God, you must really hate him right now.” You hummed in agreement and Harry looked up at you, pressing his tongue against your clit and successfully making you squirm.

“I think you should just fuck him, to get all that anger out.” Harry stuck a thumbs up and you slapped it away, making him grin then get back to what he was doing.

“Oh god no, I don’t think I could ever fuck Harry. He’s too fucking annoying.” Harry then stuck a finger into you and moved it aggressively, obviously his way of showing how he felt about what you were saying about him while he was literally on his knees for you.

“No! There’s so much sexual tension, I’m surprised he hasn’t dropped to his knees for you yet!” Everything in you was screaming at you to tell her ‘he literally is right now!’ but you knew you couldn’t and it seemed Harry beat you to it when he pulled back, wiped his mouth and grabbed your phone.

“Harry speaking.” Your best friend gasped and you tried to grab your phone back but you didn’t really want to chase him around with no underwear.

“Harry? W-why are you on my best friends phone right now?” Harry smirked at you and you knew he was about to fuck everything up.

“Well you said you’re surprised I haven’t dropped to my knees yet but actually as you were speaking with your precious best friend I was on my knees, so I have in fact dropped to my knees and you kind of interrupted it.” Your best friend let out an ‘oh my god’ before Harry hung up and got back on his knees.

“Why would you do that?!” He shushed you and stuck his tongue back out, distracting you from your embarrassment almost immediately. He kept doing all the right things until you came and he picked you up and sat you on your desk. 

“Come on, come back to me.” He stroked your hair as you gained your vision back and the room stopped spinning. “You ready?” You nodded and he unbuttoned his shirt, revealing many tattoos that you hoped to look at later. He unbuttoned his trousers and lead them pool at his feet before stepping out of them and kissing you. “Just realised I haven’t kissed you yet, don’t know how I could every forget to.” He pressed himself against you and you felt him against you through his boxers. “You feel that? That’s from when I made you cum, wanna do it again now.”

He reached behind you and tried to unbuckle your bra, after a few tries and you laughing at him, he finally got it. “Aha! Why do they make these so fuckin’ complicated?” He took it off and threw it behind him, starting to kiss from your collarbones down to your chest. “As much as I want to kiss you all over, I really need you.”

He took his boxers off and you widened your eyes, looking up at him. “It’s gonna be alright, I mean you’re not a virgin, right?” You shook your head and he sighed in relief at your answer. “No shame to virgins, but I’m glad you’re not one, makes it easier.”

You rolled your eyes and rested your head against his shoulder. “Just shut up and fuck me. You never seem to make it better with talking.” He nodded and pushed his tip in you, giving you a few seconds before he kept going slowly, not wanting you to be in pain because of him.

“You feel so good.” He started to thrust his hips, you gasped and laid back on the table, staring up at the ceiling with your mouth open wide as he kept going. He leaned over you and now all you could se was his face and what looked like a mane of curls hanging around it. “Don't know if it’s weird to ask this but it’s worth the risk, would you mind if I spat in your mouth?” 

“Definitely not weird to ask.” He smiled and places his thumb on your lip, keeping it open then spitting and aiming for your mouth. He closed his eyes and rested his head on your chest once he done it, lazily moving his hips.

“This is the nicest sex I’ve ever had.” You smiled and stroked his hair, feeling him relax under your touch. This sex didn’t even seem to be about just getting off now, it was more about connection. It had never been like this for you before, this was turning sort of sweet and no one had ever been sweet for you before.

“Do you me to ride you?” He reluctantly lifted his head up then nodded, he pulled out slowly then and sat in your office chair, holding his arms out for you. You stood up and slightly stumbled on your feet then walked over to him. You placed your legs on either side of him then sank down, lying against his chest when he was fully in.

He wrapped his arms around you and laid his cheek on your head, it was like no one could be bothered moving. You started to grind a little and he let out a laboured breath, grabbing your hips and helping you. It didn’t take too long for you to cum like this since you were rubbing your clit against him every time you kept grinding on him. When he felt you tighten up around him and cum, he gave a heavy groan in return. He picked you up again and placed you on the desk, quickly pounding in to you since you were sensitive and he needed to cum. 

“Fuck...” He came and then pulled out of you, grabbing some tissues you had on your desk to clean you up. “That was long overdue. Do you wanna go on a date now?”

[eelistolvanen]

Bruises that you left behind - Travis Konecny Pt.3

A/N: So since we’ve almost reached 100 notes on Part 2, I finally got the motivation to finish the next part. So thanks to everyone who liked, reblogged or commented! Let me know if you like it! Part 4 is in the works but I’d greatly appreciate some feedback :) 

So here it is, there will finally be some Travis x reader interactions, so buckle up folks ;)

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Angst, mentions of suspected cheating, no proofread (as usual) 

You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

_____________________________

You were nursing the worst hangover you’ve ever had the morning after. You’d already drunk enough at the party, but after Kevin had left, once he brought you home, you’d downed a entire bottle of red wine in self pity. You weren’t really sure anymore what triggered your episode. You wanted to blame your outburst against Travis on the alcohol, but deep down you knew there was another reason, the alcohol just aided it. After all this time you were still hurt. You’d never really gotten over it.

Getting out of bed proved to be a real struggle. But after half an hour you were sitting at your kitchen island trying to eat some breakfast. The pounding headache had gotten a bit better after taking some painkillers, but was still noticeable.

For a quick moment you though the ringing in your ears reappeared, then you realised that someone had actually rang your doorbell. You could already imagine who was standing behind the door as you approached it. Not entirely ready to face one of his lectures, but you couldn’t really avoid it.

“Damn, you look a lot worse than I expected you to.” This was all you were greeted with as Nolan moved past you into your apartment.

“It’s nice to see you too, Nols.” You scoffed sarcastically.

He sat down at the kitchen island and waited for you to join him. Both of you stayed silent as Nolan let his gaze wander over the mess in your kitchen. Surprisingly, he didn’t comment on it, a quick headshake was all that you got.

“I know Haysey already told you that we didn’t know that he would show, but I just needed to tell you myself. We really didn’t know. He wasn’t even invited and I have no idea why he thought he needed to make an appearance. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You knew that he felt bad, just like Kevin. But it wasn’t their fault. And as much as you wished not to have to see him, you also knew that there always was a chance that you’d crossed paths somewhere.

“It’s fine, Nols. I’m not mad and you did nothing wrong, so no need to apologize. It should probably be me apologizing, after all I’m the one who called his girlfriend a puckbunny, so… “

Nolan chuckled at your words. “I’m pretty sure they’re not dating, so don’t be sorry. I mean, I thought it seemed to be very fitting for her but anyway… Let’s forget about that.”

You gladly accepted. The two of you hung out for another hour or so, before Nolan decided that he probably shut head over to Kelsey’s.

 Sometime in the afternoon Kevin texted you and asked if you wanted to hang out in the evening. You agreed to it even though you knew that Kevin would bring up the whole Travis thing as well.

It did take Kevin surprisingly long til he brought Travis up though. And you knew that this conversation was about to come.

“He called me today.” Kevin didn’t have to name any names for you to know he was talking about him. “And he asked about you.”

You waited for him to keep going but he stayed silent.

“So?” Kevin exhaled loudly and made eye contact with you. “I just thought you wanted to know…”

“Do I?” You couldn’t stop your voice from being laced with poison. You were being rude and you knew it. Kevin never asked to be dragged into this.

“Ahh, I don’t know Y/N. Come on, I’m trying here. Well anyway, he wanted to know about you. What you were doing at the party. Why we went together. Why you’re in Philly.”

You felt irritated. Why on earth would he care. He felt. He had no right to ask Kevin about you.

“So you told him, huh?” You were being unfair, you knew you had to stop acting like a bitch towards Kev, but God you couldn’t help it.

“ No, Y/N! I didn’t. I didn’t tell him anything because I didn’t want you to get hurt-“

“You also told him that he wouldn’t show to the party.” That was low, even for you.

“For fucks sake, Y/N! He wasn’t invited, he wasn’t supposed to show up, okay? I get it, you never wanted to see him again but it’s to late now. Just don’t take your anger out on me, I did nothing wrong.”

You deserved to be called out like this. He was right after all, you had taken it out on him. And Nolan. And neither of them did anything wrong.

“So what do I do now? I mean this is the exact reason why I left that life behind. Because even though you’re my family, it also means that everything I tried to avoid is catching up to me. And I don’t know how to handle that, Kev.”

“But you can’t run away anymore, Y/N. You have to face it. And maybe talking to him would do you good. You know, talking like adults. Civilized.” He meant well but you still felt like he was accusing you.

“Civilized? So I don’t know how to talk civilized?” There was disbelief in your voice. Was he serious?

“No, you do… It’s just that swearing at him and calling him names won’t get you anywhere. That’s all I’m saying.” He was right but you still hated to hear it. There was so much pent up emotion inside you, you had to get rid of it somehow.

“I know what you mean Kev. But I can’t just forgive him…”

“And I’m not asking you to. But I know that you want to know the reason and you won’t get an answer unless you talk to him. An I know he wants to talk to you…”

He was speaking softly, quietly asking you to speak to Travis. You were walking a fine line, you knew that. But you were also painfully aware of the fact that you wouldn’t get any better unless you started to face this. Face him. And your feelings towards him.  

----------------

Every turn Kevin made, made you feel more nauseous. The closer you got to him the more you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“I don’t know if I can do this Kev.” Your voice felt weak, barely above a whisper.

Kevin quickly glanced over to you in the passenger seat. A worried look flashed over his face.

“Yes you can, Y/N. At least try okay? You agreed to meet him and if it gets to much, I’m gonna be waiting in the car, okay? And I’ll keep an eye on you.”

You felt yourself relax slightly. You were still nervous but knowing that Kevin was close by, put you slightly at ease. You had to do this. For you.  

Kevin parked the car in a parking space beside the sidewalk, only meters from the entrance to the park. You hadn’t been here in a while. You hadn’t been here many times anyway. A couple of times with Travis, when you were walking the dogs. It wasn’t your usual spot, which was exactly the reason why you choose it. It didn’t hold any particular memories that could hurt you. You barely even remembered what this park looked like. Kevin pulled you out of your thoughts as he put his hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N. You can do this. And I’m here, okay?” You could feel him squeeze your shoulder as you slowly nodded and got out of the car.

You saw him as soon as you walked through the entrance of the park. He had his back to you and you couldn’t see his face but you would always recognize his silhouette. You felt your heart get heavy. You started to walk towards him, fighting all the urges to turn around and run away from him as fast as you could. He hadn’t noticed you, so you could still pull out. But once you got within a 10 feet he must have heard your footsteps. He wiped around quickly and you were left wondering how this movement didn’t give him whiplash.

“Y/N. You came.” His voice was quiet and he send you a quick smile. It didn’t reach his eyes though, they were filled with sorrow. His sad smile made your heart ache.

You looked at him. For the first time in almost 2.5 years you really looked at him. You almost felt yourself taken aback at the dark rings underneath his eyes. He looked tired, exhausted even and completely worn out. In a way he looked almost the same than he used to. But in some way he also looked like a completely different person. The radiance, the light that he used to give off seemingly had vanished. His bubbliness seemed to have made space for something darker. He looked hollow, almost as if the Travis standing in front of you was a ghost of the man he used to be. To a stranger he probably would have looked completely normal. Physically he hadn’t really changed that much, but all those little things that made Travis Travis weren’t there anymore.

He had noticed your shocked expression as well as you gave him a one over.

“I look like shit, huh?” He was trying to lighten the mood, but if anything it made it worse.

“No no, you just look… different.” You knew he didn’t buy your lie, but you didn’t feel like pity him so you did what you did so well. Turn defensive.

“So your girlfriend let you go and talk to me?” Travis scoffed at your words.

“She’s not my girlfriend. And you don’t have to worry about her, you won’t see her around again.”

“I still shouldn’t have called her a puckbunny. That was low.” You genuinely felt sorry about it. Even if she was one of those girls, calling her out in front of the entire team wasn’t your proudest moment.

Travis chuckled slightly. “Nah, it’s fine.” His expression turned serious again, almost sour. “You and Hayesy, huh?”

At first you didn’t even understand what he meant. It took you a moment to regain your composure.

“What? No, we’re friends. Same as we’ve always been. Nothing more.”

At first he looked sceptical but slowly he seemed to relax. Which then sparked anger inside of you.

“It shouldn’t really be any of your concern though, I mean what do you care? You left me.”

Your emotions were bubbling inside of you. And as hard as you tried tears were scarily close to spill as you tried to choke back your pain.

He groaned loudly. “I know. I fucked up. I made a mistake. And I’m so sorry for doing this to you, Y/N.”

This was too much for you. You couldn’t hold back your emotions anymore. Tears were rolling down your cheeks.

“You just left and I’ve never heard of you since. Not even a single word. Nothing.”

“That’s not true, Y/N. I reached out to you. Afterwards. But it was too late. When I came back to our house the first time after that day, you were gone. Every trace of you had vanished. An I tried to call, but I could never get through to you. And eventually I had to accept that I lost you.”

“Don’t put this on me! What did you expect Travis? That I’d wait around in our house hoping that maybe one day you’d return? That maybe it was all just some sick joke? You left me standing on our wedding day and you don’t get to blame me for trying to pick myself up again and start fresh.”

He stayed silent for a while. The guilt seemed to consume him. He abandoned the most important thing in his life and he knew that you had every right to hate him. He had no right to ask you for forgiveness and he knew that. But that didn’t meant that he wouldn’t at least try to mend the things he broke. You could hear him inhale sharply.

“I know that I hurt you. I fucked up, big time. And I’m painfully aware of it.” Even a complete stranger would have been able to identify the pained expression on Travis’ face. He was being completely honest with you. Not that it mattered though.

“Yeah, you did. You broke me Travis, you realise that, right?” He felt like someone shot a dagger through his heart. He knew he hurt you. Badly. But hearing you say it made it real. He would never be able to forgive himself. And you wouldn’t either, Travis was sure of that.

“I know Y/N, just tell me what I can do to make it better. Please, Y/N! I want to fix this. Fix us.”

He had tears in his eyes. You could see that he wanted to touch you, hug you, comfort you but he also knew that it wasn’t his place to do so anymore. It killed you to see him like that. So broken. How ironic. Both of you broken beyond repair.

“You can’t, Travis. This isn’t something you can fix.” You paused, thinking over your next words.

“You know I wish there was a evident reason, one that I knew back then. That you had some mistress, stopped loving me or something. But… I thought everything was fine. I thought we were great. I had no indication that something went wrong between us and I think this is why it hurts so much. One day everything seemed great and the next… everything was completely shattered.”

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes. Quickly you turned around. You couldn’t do this. Standing across from him, talking to him, hearing his voice. All it did was remind you of the pain he put you through.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”  He tried to reach out to you, catch your arms but you slipped out of his grip before he could get any closer. “Y/N!” But his pleads fell onto deaf ears. You’d already turned your back to him and were walking away as you heard him speak up again. It was quiet but you could hear it clear as day.

“I still love you Y/N! You have to know that. And I will never stop loving you, even if you hate me now.”

A quiet sob escaped your lips. This is why you wanted to stay as far away from his as possible. Nobody was able to hurt you like he did, even if he didn’t intent to. So you kept on walking.

When Travis left the park he caught a glimpse of you, sitting in Kevin’s car, seemingly hugging him. And although he knew that you had been honest with him when he asked you about Kevin, he couldn’t help but feel jealous. Jealous that someone else was the one comforting you now, when it used to be him who held you when you felt like you were falling apart. Jealous that someone else got to go to a Halloween party with you and dress up in stupid costumes. Jealous that someone else got to see you smile now.

Because this should have been him.

 -----------

You were sitting on Nolan’s couch, trying to figure out how your life slipped from you, when you thought you had everything. You tried not to think back to that day, but every time you thought about Travis the memories just kept resurfacing. You couldn’t get his face off your mind, it almost seemed like his image had burned itself into your memory.

Someone ringing the doorbell ripped you from your thoughts.

“Are you expecting anyone?” He didn’t answer, he just gave you a quick headshake before making his way to the door. You didn’t want to eavesdrop but your curiosity took over. You felt yourself freeze as you recognized the voice at the door.

“I need to talk to you, Pat.” There was urgency in his voice, he sounded almost desperate.

You could Nolan calmly reply: “Now is not a good time, Travis.”

“But it’s important. Please.” It really must have been important, considering that Travis didn’t usually begged for someone’s attention like that.

“I.. I can’t, Teeks, I’m busy.“ You couldn’t see Nolan’s face but you could sense the uneasiness in his voice. And of course Travis had picked up on it to.

“You’re busy?... She’s here, isn’t she?” You couldn’t hear Nolan’s answer but the commotion coming from the hallway pretty much gave away that Travis knew that you were here. You could hear Nolan and Travis speaking over each other and moments later you could hear footsteps coming down the Hall. You could hear Nolan telling Travis that he needed to leave.

“I have to talk to her.” With that he appeared in the living room. “Y/N.” It was more breathed over his lips than actually spoken and it instantly send shivers down your spine.

“What are you doing here Travis?” You felt so little, sitting curled up on Nolan’s couch while he was standing in the entry of the living room.  

“Can we talk? Again?” He seemed surprisingly calm. He was wearing a snapback and that yellow hoodie that you used to love so much. He used to radiate almost as much brightness as his hoodie, but now he constantly seemed as if someone dimmed his light. He looked tired, just as the other day.

“We have talked.” You tired to be as cold as possible, trying to shield you from the emotions that were rising inside of you.

“Yeah, and you ran away.” You sucked in air, trying to interject before he spoke up again but you came up empty.

“Please Y/N. And if you feel like it’s too much or you want me to leave I’ll leave, just let me at least try to explain.”

You wouldn’t get rid off him that quickly, so you took a deep breath before nodding.

You led him out of the living room towards Nolan’s bedroom. As much as you wanted Nolan by your side you knew that you needed to have this conversation in private.

Once the door was closed you looked at Travis expectantly. He seemed to be fighting for words.

“So? You wanted to talk. So talk.” You were being cold but you didn’t feel like standing in a room with Travis while the both off you stared at each other in silence. As if there wasn’t already enough tension between the two of you when you spoke.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I-“ You interrupted him. Was he really doing this again?

“Yeah, you already said that.” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“And I mean it. And you need to know that. I know that I hurt you. Badly. And there’s nothing that I regret more than walking away that day. I made a mistake and I ruined my life with it. And there’s not a day in my life where I don’t wish I could undo what I’ve done.”

“Well, you can’t Travis! Did they tell you that I tried to come after you? That I tried to track you down? Tried to find you and change your mind? Only to find out that you had packed a bag and already left the country? And then you flew to..”

Your voice broke, your eyes were teary and you felt like you could barely breathe. The guilt on his face made you feel nauseous.

“Why?! Why Travis, just tell me why you did it?” You sounded raspy, you barely recognized your own voice.

“You know why, Y/N.” “No, I don’t! You never bothered to tell me. YOU JUST LEFT, without a word!”

He took a step back in surprise, certainly not expecting this outburst from you.

“You read the letter, I didn’t know how to tell you in person.”

A humourless laugh came from your lips.

“I never read the letter. I burned it.” Your entire body was trembling now. You weren’t sure why though. Maybe you were nervous, anxious even or maybe it was the anger inside of you.  

“You.. burned… the letter.” He was in such shock at your words he nearly seemed to swallow his own tongue. He stood frozen, unable to move even a single muscle. This was the last thing he expected you to admit to him.  

“I just… I don’t get it, Travis! What have I ever done to you to deserve this? What did I do to you to have a reason to leave me standing at the altar?” Your voice softened, ”What happened, Trav?”

He looked like a fish out of water. He was still fighting for words, closing and opening his mouth. If you weren’t so hurt and angry you could have laughed at his expressions.

“I.. I don’t know Y/N. I just couldn’t do it.”

Anger started to rise up in your chest. God, you wanted to punch him. He’d always been a bad liar, you could smell his lies miles away.

“That’s bullshit Travis! We both know that, so stop lying to my face. You know how much I hate lying. You were able to write it in a letter but you can’t say it to my face?!” You tried to calm yourself. Take some deep breaths and steady your breathing. To no luck. Even Travis could see your trembling hands. You let out a shaky breath and kept going: “Was there someone else? Is that it?”

Your jaw clenches at that thought, you really didn’t think that Travis would ever cheat but who knows. You also didn’t think he would leave you on your wedding day but here you where.  Apparently you didn’t knew him as well as you thought you did. He seemed absolutely frozen for a moment, too shocked at your accusation to answer. But his hesitation was leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

“No, Y/N! That’s not the reason-” “So what is it then? God Travis, just tell me. What on earth could have possibly been a reason to break off our engagement? Our relationship. Years spent together and without a warning you left.” You felt yourself starting to crack, a lump started to form in your throat and you knew that you would break soon enough. “ Did you just suddenly, one day to the next, stop loving me? Did you fall out of love? Was I just not good enough for you? What happened, Travis? Why did you leave me?” You weren’t even gonna try to hold back the tears streaming down your face. You just let them all out, sobs racked your body. The anger had left your body now and made way for the endless pain you felt when thinking about that day. You completely broke down in front of him

“Y/N…”

He knew that there was nothing he could say that would ease your pain. The damage was already done. You could feel Travis trying to reach out to you, but you pushed him away. You couldn’t see the expression on him face but if you did, you’d seen the agony that mirrored yours. When you let out a sorrowful quiet cry, he couldn’t compose himself anymore. He couldn’t watch you being in this much pain. He’d never hated himself more than in this moment. He knew that he was the reason for all this pain. So he fled the room.

Nolan stormed into the room only seconds later. Wrapping his body around his, as if he was trying to keep all the broken pieces together. And for what felt like eternity he just held you like that, at least you knew that he wasn’t going to let go of you.

“I think there was someone else, Nolan.” You broke the silence first, knowing that Nolan would give you as much time as you needed. The confused look Nolan gave you now, told you that he wasn’t exactly following what you were saying.

“That’s why he left. There was someone else. That-“ Nolan interrupted you before you could get another word out.

“This can’t be. Someone would have known. He would have told someone by now. I mean, did he admit that there was someone else?”

“Not technically, but he kinda hesitated when I brought it up. And he also didn’t actively deny it, so..”

Your voice started to cut out and you could feel the lump in your throat form. You were so sure of it now that you thought about it. His hesitation, the way he deflected the question. This had to be the reason. There was nothing else that could have been the reason.

“There was someone else, I just know it.”

Part 4 

[egyptsblackrose]

Dancing with Strangers

There will be one more part to this story after this then I think this story is complete. I have other projects in the works and other passions I want to devote some time to. Hope your all doing well and please enjoy.

No actual smut in this one, but reference to intimacy probably still 18+ though so minors please do not read

Part 4- https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/652018121062989824/dancing-with-strangers-more-filth-for-this-story

Part 5-

Your senses slowly brought you out of your peaceful, heavy slumber, though your mind was not ready to open your eyes just yet. First thing you felt was comfort, soft, warm, heavy sheets keeping you safe and cozy. When you focused more, however, you realised that part of your arm that was not in your little cocoon, was radiating the kind of heat only the sunlight could bring. So it was clearly day time, maybe even afternoon. No matter, you did’t have any classes today, that was why you agreed to going out to the clubs with your friends.

Your friends… You gasped and sat up with a jolt, only to groan and hiss. Rubbing your lower stomach and back.

Oh… right… you had gone home with not just one but TWO strangers and had a THREESOME!

Your cheeks set on fire as the events of last night played out in your head. The pleasure, the desire. More had happened after they had each taken a turn with you. Kakashi had been painfully hard again watching your brains get fucked out by Gojo, so you had rolled over and sucked him off lazily, taking your time to tease. That had lead to the boys getting revenge, Satoru holding your hands hostage as he fucked your mouth, while Hatake ravaged you again, harder and more forceful till you squirted for him as well.

Then you had been carried to the shower, Kakashi tenderly, lovingly holding you bridal style in the walk in shower as Gojo massaged your entire body with wonderful smelling shower gel. Only your moans had turned the men on again. Gojo took you this time, having you pressed against the wall with him on his knees, Hatake standing and receiving another blow job from you. Kakashi had to wash your face and hair when he tried to pull out too late, but you had been quick to defend him when Satoru’s teasing went too far.

By the time you were all dried, your legs had stopped working and you could barely keep your eyes open, the sun was peaking through the curtains gently to hint as the beginning of sunrise, and you all settled into bed. Never before had you been so comfortable, resting your head against someone’s chest while being spooned from behind, wearing a really comfy large hoodie and boxer shorts for bed while the two men only wore old shorts.

But glancing around at the bed, you found your companions gone and the bed cold. Nibbling on your bottom lip in thought, you quickly did a body check. Toes were wiggling; but it took effort and there was still a little pain, your stomach felt a little uncomfortable and sore but nothing you couldn’t handle. You smelled good- to your relief- though you needed to brush your teeth immediately. Your hair felt smooth and smelled great as well, your make up had clearly been removed, your cloths were at the end of the bed; freshly washed and folded.

You had clearly been well taken care of, their after care game was obviously on par with their A game. And yet the niggling doubt set into your mind.

Why take such good care of you and then leave you alone? And there was no sounds in the whole apartment from what you could hear. Had they left? There was no note from what you could see. Maybe they’d gone out or to work and hoped you’d be gone by the time they got back. Why else leave your cloths close by, in obvious view and clean to wear. This was their hint to get out. They’d had their fun, so had you, now it was time to leave.

The thought made you a lot sadder than you would like to admit. But then again, the two men were clearly experienced, your friends had even said so last night, that’s why they encouraged you to go through with it. You were not the first girl they did this too, and chances are you weren’t the last. How many other girls out there had woken up exactly like this? With a pout and painful groan, you slipped out of bed and started getting changed on wobbly legs.

This was for the best anyway, you told yourself. They were policemen, they were successful men, there was TWO of them. And you were just a Uni student, you weren’t even half way through your final year, you had yet to successfully land an interview. You didn’t even know if you wanted to stay in Japan after you graduated, if you wanted to graduate here or go back home to your family… There was still so much you needed to figure out, you were just beginning. And successful men like that would want a successful woman, or women rather.

Once presentable, borrowing some mouth wash from the bathroom seen as you did not have your own toothbrush, you took a few deep breaths to sike yourself up. The fact that not just one, but TWO god level men had chosen you to spend the night with them meant something, even if it was short lived. THEY had picked YOU, called you beautiful, whispered sweet nothings into your ear, taken care of you. And now it would be a nice memory, and you could wear this win like a badge of honour as you leave. Just think of how many women would kill to be you.

Opening the bedroom door, your heart sank a little more at not seeing even one of the handsome men. A little part of you had hoped that maybe they were up, and that little part of you made your eyes scan the living room and kitchen desperately for a note or a sign that you hadn’t been left behind. But all you found was a clock above the cooker that read 10:20 am.

Hu… earlier than you thought, but not an unpleasant surprise.

Thankfully the door was unlock-able from the inside, but you weren’t sure about the elevator, seen as they had used a key card to activate it last night. It seemed luck was on your side, however, because pressing the down button meant the elevator was automatically called to you, opened, and a frigging bell boy was waiting with a smile and a polite nod. How rich are these guys?!

“Ground floor Miss?” The young man asked. You nodded numbly, stepping in and moved to the back of the elevator. It seemed the new face could tell you didn’t want to talk, so the journey down was gratefully a silent one as you stared at the floor. How many young women has this man escorted down and out of the building for these two men?

You frowned at yourself. Why were you so hung up on that? You had no right to the answer and no right to even ask the question. They weren’t yours. You weren’t theirs. And it didn’t even matter. But you couldn’t free yourself from the feeling of being used.

Raising your head at the ding, as soon as the doors started opening you dashed out, wanting to quickly get away from this place and move on. The quicker this…mind blowing experience became a fond memory, the better.

Following your memory from last night of being in the taxi, you knew that you had passed your street on the way, and it didn’t seem like such a long ways away. You started walking without hesitation, head down as you messaged your friends that you were on the way home. They replied excitedly, clearly wanting to talk about the events of last night, but you quickly shut them down. Miku seemed to get the hint immediately that you weren’t feeling like yourself and something was wrong, promising movies and home made goodies from her mum who was visiting.

The thought made you smile. Miku and Sakura’s parents had basically adopted you as soon as you got back to Japan, all four insisting on introducing you to as many of their friends and neighbours as possible, promising you and your worried parents that they were only a call away. Miku’s mother was particularly affectionate, a little unusual for Japanese culture, but she often cured your home sickness with gentle hugs and head pats, pinching your cheeks and promising a nice warm home cooked meal and a few wise words. And such parental affections was too good to pass up right now.

Raising your head with slightly watery eyes, you quickened your pace. Only for your wrist to be grabbed in a unyielding hold.

“Y/N!”

“Beautiful?”

The voices made to freeze, eyes widening as you slowly turned and gasped. It was them.

“Kakashi? Gojo?” Your voice was nothing but a whisper from how surprised you were.

“Baby, why are you leaving already?” Hatake asked worriedly, frown in place.

Satoru wagged a disapproving figure at you. “I thought I said we were staying in bed today to have fun.”

“But…” Swallowing thickly, you turned more towards them, wide eyed and confused. “I woke up in bed alone, you were both gone, my cloths were clean and folded beside me…I thought you wanted to me to go…”

“What?!” Gojo yelled in an exaggerated tone, quickly moving to wrap his arms around you from behind and rubbing his face into your hair. “What a silly little head our beautiful girl has Kakashi!”

“Y/N…” Hatake soothed quickly, seeing you frown at Gojo. “Baby I wasn’t there when you woke up because I left to do a little shop of things me and Gojo were out of, and also pick you up a toothbrush for when you woke up. And our idiot here wasn’t with you because I sent him to pick up some breakfast for us all. You said at the club that your favourite thing to wake up to was _____, so we thought we’d treat you. We both went so we could be back as fast as possible, we didn’t think you would wake up so soon, let alone think we wanted you to go. So imagine our surprise when we pull into our usual parking spot across the street and see a figure and outfit all to familiar walking away from us? We were worried you decided that YOU wanted to go.”

The words sunk in slowly and made your eyes water more, especially when you heard Kakashi use the term ‘OUR idiot’ when referring to Gojo. He was including you in their bond. “So… you weren’t trying to give me the hint to leave so you wouldn’t have to see me?”

“Beautiful, are you stupid?” Kakashi sent a glare to Gojo, but the other white haired male continued. “Last night was amazing, and I said that this was the beginning. Do I seem the type to lie to you beautiful? I don’t just say that to anyone, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever said it before. Me and Kakashi want to do so much more to you, with you, and not just in the bedroom…and not just sexual things either.”

The clear implication and teasing was not lost on you, making your cheeks light up a rosy pink. Hatake chuckled sweetly, stroking your cheek as he stepped a little closer. “There’s that blush we love. Y/N, I won’t lie to you. We have had one night stands before, we have had times where we either take the girl home or ask her personally to leave, but neither me or Gojo want this to be one of those times. We don’t want a one night stand with you, your different, special. We actually like you, as a person, and we’d like to see if this…if WE could be something.”

Your mouth fell open in shock. Where…where they SERIOUS? These beautiful, amazing men wanted you in their lives? “But why?”

Kakashi frowned. “Why?”

“Yeah. Why? Why me?”

Gojo chuckled, nuzzling your neck to draw your attention back to him. “Because Kakashi’s right, your different. Most women are flirty with us cause they want some fun. YOU were flirty with us cause WE were fun. You listened to us, you didn’t try to be something or someone your not, you were very real. And the real you is awesome. And we want to know that real you more.”

“Y/N,” Hatake’s hand, that was still on your wrist, moved down to take your hand, stroking the back of it soothingly. “Gojo and I have a strange relationship, we know that. We are more like brothers than friends, and there’s never been any attraction between us. But we have only ever had a functioning, healthy relationship when the two of us put in the effort. We are not perfect, but together we are. And for a long time we have looked for someone who can complete us, who can make us both happy. It’s too early to tell if that’s you, but surely even you had to feel how RIGHT everything felt last night.”

Flashes of charming smiles from the club took over your mind, how easy the flow of conversation was, how natural it felt to have both their hands on you. You had been saddened so much to think that something so good was already over. But here they were, telling you it didn’t have to be. Looking into those amazing dark grey and blue eyes of the two white haired men, you could see how they desperately did not want you to go.

“Ok… we can see where this goes. But, I want to try do this properly, and I want this to be open between the three of us.” Both men looked at each other in confusion, so you continued. “If something happened with just one of you while the other is away, I don’t want it causing fights, I also want to spend time with you, and not just doing…intimate stuff. Dates, together as a three or just as a duo, actually getting to know one another, honesty, proper communication. All of it.” You said firmly. “When I devote myself to a relationship, I do it whole heartedly, and I expect the same from my partner. Just because there’s two of you, doesn’t mean you can put in half the effort. I’m mostly looking at you Satoru.”

The blue eyed man gasped on horror, hand over his heart like it was clutching a fatal wound. “Beautiful, you think I wont treat you like a princess?”

“I don’t want to be treat like a princess.” You shot back firmly, but smiled softly. “I want you to treat me as your equal, like your friend, like your partner, because to me, that’s what a relationship is. I don’t want to be babied or spoilt, I just want to be treat fairly and honestly. And if I find out either of you cheated on me…just remember that BOTH my parents are amazing lawyers and I have another country I can easily move to.” The three of you laughed easily, smiling at each other with warm smiles as you each earliest that this was the start of something. Something beautiful.

Part 6- https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/655347185273241600/dancing-with-strangers-this-is-by-far-the-longest

[kindnessisweakness2]

Delusional - Part 9!

When Delaney woke up she didn't recognize anything around her. One thing she did know is she felt like she had been hit by a truck. Looking around her, the dimly lit room was empty apart from a shabby wooden table a few feet infront of her with a camera tripod placed in the centre. Looking down at the uncomfortable chair she was sat in she silently thanked god she was still in her shorts and Jax’s T-shirt she wore yesterday. As her head pounded painfully she tried to think back to yesterday and how the hell she ended up here. She couldnt remember anything after crying in the bathroom as Jax left. Jax. Oh God. He was probably hauled up with Tara making up for lost time. he probably didnt even know she was gone. Tears welled in her eyes as she realised no one was looking for her. No one knew she was gone. Before she could let herself panic too much the heavy steel door to the right of the room was slammed open. Out walked Kevin and Delaneys stomach dropped heavily. Yes Kevin was weird but he couldnt be the matermind behind this. NO. Delaney was 100% sure there was something else to this. She didnt have to wait long to get her answer either. A few minutes later Alex followed Kevin into the cold room with a video camera held tightly in his hands. Delaney Knew she was right. Her Jaw fell slack as she made eye contact with the man that ruined her life and nearly killed her. The man she was convinced for years she loved deeply. “Hey Babe, Did you miss me?” Alex smirked at the shock that was still clear on he face. “What? W-why? H-how?” Delaney could barley speak never mind stutter the small questions she do desperately wanted answers to. “Oh sweetie ill explain everything dont you worry. But first things first-” Alex raised his finger dramatically and turned to the video camera that now sat firmly on the tripod. Pressing the ON button and connecting a cable it beeped to life. “ I dont think your little Biker Bitch will want to miss out on this.” Before Delaney could say anything a chain was tightly hooked to the handcuffs around her wrists and yanked upwards. In seconds she was hung from the ceiling with her arms suspended above her head. Gasping in pain she clenched her eyes shut tightly. Her shoulders were on fire immediately and her toes barley brushed the damp floor. Glaring at Alex as he came to stand Beside her Delaney scoffed. “So whats the plan? Kill me? Send the video to the club? You know they’ll kill you right? You kill me and Jax will come for your head.” Alex burst out laughing and shook his head. “Oh Baby girl, you’ve grown some balls since you were mine.” Grabbing her face tightly he yanked her forward on the chain so she was closer to the camera. “This is being streamed to the Clubhouse as we speak. Kevin here managed to change the connection at the last beer delivery and you didnt even notice.” Tutting at her sarcastically Alex let go of her face and smiled at her. “Kevin here is a sucker for a pretty face. He fell for you pretty quickly. I find it quite rude you weren’t particularly nice about the gifts he left for you. The notes were me ofcourse. Poor Kevin here doesnt have the same artistic flare as me.” Alex’s smile was sinister as he turned from Delaney to take a Knife from Kevin. Delaney’s stomach turned as he made his way back towards her and grabbed her neck tightly so she couldnt flinch away. The grin on his face made Delaney feel sick as he cut the navy blue SAMCRO T-shirt from her body. She could only hope that whatever it was he had planned for her, he would kill her quick. 

The slamming of the clubhouse door hinted at Jax’s arrival. Half sack had called him to explain what showed up on the bar TV and within minutes every club member and Gemma was crowded around the large screen. Jax’s heart broke as his eyes locked on Delaney’s fearful ones. She was hung from the ceiling in nothing but a black lace bra and black cycle shorts. “So this is what you’ve been planning for the year we’ve been seperated? Finding me a stalker and planning your revenge?” Delaney spat angrily. Kevin stood in the corner just staring ad her as she was suspended half naked in the dirty room and it made her want to vomit. Jax turned up the volume on the TV just as Alex came into view. Looking at his mother Jax’s eyes were on fire with anger. “I thought you said he left her and moved back to England?” Gemma glared at her son. “ And i thought you were meant to be protecting her? You left her and the bastard swooped in and took her! I’m not the only one with some explaining to do am i?!” Jax shook his head and turned back to the screen. Now was not the time to argue with his impossible mother. He needed to focus on finding Delaney. He focused his attention back on the screen just in time to see Alex put the Knife to her neck. “You were mine. You really think i was going to let you go that easy? We would still be together if it wasnt for Jaxon Teller. You didnt care about me anymore once you met him.” Alex Gripped Delaney by the Hair and pulled her head back exposing her neck more. “You’re wrong! About everything.” Gasping in pain as strands of her hair were pulled out by the roots Delaney had to argue. She couldnt let him blame everything on Jax. “You’re just upset you lost your fucking punchbag! You beat me almost every day i was with you for nothing. The day i got that Job at Teller-Morrow was the day i got part of my life back. I wasnt just your housewife anymore. I had my own money and i was saving up to leave you.” Alex stepped away from Delaney his face crimson red with anger, But with tears streaming down her face she continued to tell him the truth. Her Truth. He needed to know just how much of a monster he was. “Then i came home late from a club party late, they’d asked me to work the bar, do you remember? How you accused me of sleeping with every member? How you told me the only thing i was good for was being passed around? That no one would ever want me?! Do you remember Alex? How you beat me so bad my eyes were swollen shut for days. How i was unconscious on our kitchen floor for 2 days. How you stomped on my chest the next morning and broke 4 of my ribs because i physically couldnt get up and make you breakfast! How you made me clean ourhouse on my hands and knees because i was in too weak, in too much pain to stand!” Alex scoffed as Delaney sobbed. “You fucking deserved it! You were sleeping with Teller behind my back! you just wanted to get rid of me so you could be with him. you never paid me any attention and hung around him like a desperate whore. You think i dont remember those times i came to pick you up from work to see you flirting with him right infront of my face. Laughing and Giggling like a teenage school girl! You were practically begging for him!” 

Grabbing hold of the chain Delaney was tied to he spun her around. Delaney knew what was coming next and couldnt help but squeeze her eyes shut in fear. “You didn't waste any time did you you bitch? you got his crow tattooed across your shoulders. Isn’t that how that sordid little club marks women as theirs?” Delaney stayed silent and hung her head as she felt Alex press the knife into the middle of her back where Jax’s initals sat underneath the black crow in flight that stretched across her upper back and shoulders. “Its not like that.” Delaney muttered as tears welled in her eyes. “Oh did he mark you as his then threw you away like the cheap little bitch you always have been? Poor Delaney, no one ever wanted you so you throw yourself at the first man that looks your way.” More tears fell from her eyes as she Shook her head, “You know NOTHING about him. He’s more of a man than you’ll EVER be. He’s a good person, Hes loyal and he would do anything for family. You? Youre a fucking coward.” Alex’s face was like thunder. Pulling the chain hard making her yelp in pain as she was quickly turned to face him he punched her in the face making her swing backwards. Feeling the blood run down her lips Delaney grinned as she met Alex’s brown eyes. “Point proven! You’ll put your hands on a woman but you’d never hit a man. As a Great friend of mine would say you’re a Slimy Wee Bastard.” Her heart clenched painfully as she thought of Chibs he was like a father to her and she wouldnt even get to say goodbye. 

Back at the Club house the other members of SAMCRO couldnt hide their shock at the revelation that Delaney had Jax’s Crow. “You marked her?” Clay nearly exploded. “You marked her as shes not even your old lady?!” Gemma didnt even jumped to her sons defence as Clay shoved Jax hard. “Its not like that. It just happened!” Jax didnt bother trying to explain. There was so much more they didnt know about his and Delaneys relationship. “But what if she wants to be with another guy? Maybe another member?” Jax lunged for the prospect at the thought of his girl being with someone else. “O-or E-even a-another guy. J-just a normal regular guy?” Juice smacked Half sack around the head for his stupidity as Opie pulled Jax back from ripping the prospect apart. “Can we please focus on trying to find her? Every minute she’s with that psycho is another minute we are closer to him Killing her.” Gemma refocused everyones attention back on the screen trying to find anything that looked familiar in the room. The needed to work out where this Idiot would take her. Jax mentally made one promise as he watched Delaneys terrified eyes. Once he had her safe in his arms. There was no way he was ever letting her go.