#only 22 degrees
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umm I didn't order this soup, where's my air? my regular air for breathing?? take this soup away and bring me my usual air, please.
#its not even that hot out#only 22 degrees#but I am SO DAMP after going out to run a few errands#summer#humidity
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There's a lot of validity in the idea that older Bakugo is a traumatized pro-hero with major PTSD... but you know what's kinda fucked up to think about? The fact that Bakugo is also a 22-year-old pro-hero with major PTSD even before that, too.
It's almost easy to imagine that things are actually better when he's older (the therapy finally a routine, the trauma long set and on the path to being healed)... and that it's his whole 20s that are spent as a pool of disaster trying to recover from the war(s).
He looks back and barely even remembers being twenty, much less twenty-five or twenty-seven. Barely remembers how little he slept, not at the hands of trying to balance hero work and getting a degree at the same time, but just out of the pure insomnia that came from trying to move on and every nightmare attached.
Hardly ever showering, never shaving (not that he ever grew much of a beard, but the facial hair was definitely there. There's pictures of him on the news with an awkward, grown out haircut and patches on facial hair that make him look positively... immature), barely even eating more than a few protein bars or an energy jelly drink-a day. It's a blur, and his friends are hardly there to pick him up out of it because they're all going through it, too. Somewhat.
It's definitely weird if you meet him during this period. He's not all there, at least, not all of the time. He doesn't really register your interactions, the friendship you extend to him (a younger, or ever older, version of him would've shown you that deep seeded ferocity in response, tried to bite the hand that fed him, even if it were love... but 20s Bakugo... doesn't seem to notice). Even though only one of his eyes is clouded over, the good one never seems to brighten up.
There's definitely moments when the old him shines through: when he's with Deku, when he's in the midst of battle, when he finds out that Todoroki still does a shitty job at chopping scallions. But it's a long time before he's even close to the same, able to step out from underneath the fog of simply surviving and into the sunshine of recovering.
But I think sticking through it with him is worth it.
(It's a weird moment, a happy moment, the first time you realize that Bakugo has changed. That the pouring rain outside hasn't bothered him since he showed up at your apartment. He forgot his umbrella, he's been quite careless ever since the war—wet and shaggy hair frizzed up, cheeks red from cold—but he doesn't seem to mind, with his bare feet up on your coffee table, his eyes gazing out the window. You hand his tea, and instead of gulping it down in one go, letting it burn in his throat, he winces at the heat.
"Tastes like shit," he says, and you laugh because it always does. Just this time, he noticed.)
#bakugou x reader#bakugo#this is what crocheting a baby hat does to u#no im jk i was just thinking abt bakugo being like 22 and awkward as h*ck bc he still hasnt recovered from the war#i wanna talk abt what he's like more but this is what came out instead LOL#like i think he's really stubborn abt ... coping with after effects of dying#and then before he knows it he has major depression LMFAOO#and he can like go to work get his degree do all he needs to do as a 20-something year guy#but he's not like. *there*. you know#and you meet him and he's a binch but he's not hard to get along with#and u just sorta take him in and drag him places like idk#your school's halloween night.. or even just a night out with ur friend (he doesn't even know how to order a drink)#and he doesnt even process it all until one day he's like 'dang it feels like ive been asleep for years'#and he kinda was#but he knows youre the one who helped him and now he wants to fix himself for you bc he remembers u being there for him#but he's so funny im imagining him with like. frat boy facial hair and a really outgrown ugly mullet type haircut#and lowkey with like. greasy skin (ik he's perfect but he's in a bad state and it shows) and he eats instant noodles ever day#and only watches japanese top gear#and goes on patrols where he beats the crap outta ppl and then doesnt remember it#DREAM BOY#and then he's big hero later#anyway#caitie post#gen
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Today is the day everyone...
I FINALLY SIGNED MY LEASE ON MY NEW APARTMENT AND I GOT AN INTERNSHIP AT NASA AHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm moving into my new apartment in a week and I start my new job/internship in 2 weeks
I finally feel like an actual adult 😭😭
#22 and THRIVING DAMN IT#All of the budgeting and having 8 dollars to spend was WORTH IT#I have 4 months worth of rent saved up and my new internship is paid so I'll be able to cover expenses after that time ends#Only downside is I have to move but where I'm going is near my school anyways so 🤷#I'll be able to work at NASA and complete my degree#After that I'll be able to translate my internship into an actual job#If i do well enough ofc#caspers random things
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look at my alternate yuu concept boy
#i just think the idea of isekaing at age 22 and being shoved into high school is so funny. shes just here now#185cm makes her the same height as leona btw. nearly six foot one. absurdly tall#she did not have friends b4 twst bc she had a Lot of ppl approach her bc of her parents#was very good at keeping a polite distance and went a little insane in twst as a result#fails all her classes at nrc bc she is going home at the end of this to her Real life so who cares shes here for a Good time#girl w/no subconcious desire to stay in twst tho i do think itd be good for her in the long run#she wants to go back to her own reality bc she wants to finish her degree. she was so close#Everyone's Big Sister (self-proclaimed) and incredibly obnoxious abt it#gets on v well with kalim and lilia and then cater is there in the background like. Please Let Me Out.#shes in gargoyle research. malleus is a little brother to her and i think he actually does see her as family more than a romantic partner#WHICH IS RARE FOR ME im usually all abt malleus > yuu but here it makes sense. they are platonic. u kno how it is#book 7 is a really bad time for her bc she learns all of lilias backstory and realizes how much shit he wasnt telling her#as if she were telling him anything serious abt herself LMAO but him leaving w/o sayign + finding out his backstory from a dream is just. h#book 7 i think is whats solidifying her desire to return home. she has a place where she belongs and its not here.#anyways ironically despite how much ive written here + how much ive thought abt her shes only a secondary yuu. yjn comes first always <3#i do really like her shes a lot of fun to think abt. very Messy and impulsive unlike yjn whos thoughtful and deliberate. u kno#god this was a tag essay. ok.#how do you art#twst oc#myuu stuff
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it's absolutely tragic to see the reality of how ahsoka felt about her training being nothing more than a legacy of death and war, but at the same time, that was the only thing anakin could teach her in the moment; how to fight and survive in the middle of all that bloodshed
#they were both kids! ahsoka was only a child thrown into the middle of this#anakin was what? 19-22 during the wars? i was fighting for my life in a uni degree at that time#dave filoni i will never forgive you for this#i've been having a category 8 autism moment for the last 4 hours straight#star wars#ahsoka tano#ahsoka series#ahsoka spoilers#anakin skywalker
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so scared of never finding a job that i like and now having to survive a few months without any income loooool so great
#fortunately my mom is more than willing to support me and i am really thankful for that#i also just need to remember that i'm still only 22 and i have my whole life ahead of me to get a job like jesus i'm so dramatic#even starting to think that this internship will be a bad idea#cos i am seriously doubting going back to uni it is just soooo long for a degree that ultimately does not have a lot of job opportunities
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im so considerate.... (<- guy not ranting about a thing it hates before its friend is done with the media)
#can officially say i finished the arkhamverse. didnt watch anything about that suicide squad one but i read all comics#a d watched the complete story & side mission gameplay for origins asylum city and midway through my refresher for knight#the biggest takeaway i have is wow these people are weird about convicts and addicts and love their toxic masculinity#but the gameplay and nostalgia impacts peoples opinions on it. maybe an enjoyable experience but for the story or universe itself#its a complete failure in every regard i can think of—only having glimpses moments of quality that makes the rest of it#be frustrating because the potential can be there. theres interesting premises occasionally but the execution and payoff doesn't make it#even worthwhile to get to those premises because of what you must wade through to reach them#<- thats me being my nicest and most spoiler freeabout it btw.#my other big takeaway is that tim is canonically older than jason and i think a grown ass man saying fuck that kid is really funny#[SPOILERS LOOK AWAY CJ]#<- tim currently works as a highschool science teacher while jason was shown to be adopted and made robin at 15#where he was then promptly captured and kidnapped by joker. he escaped half? a year later during asylum and AK takes place 2 years afterward#i think. the entire timeline for this shitty universe is awful and confusing. dick was robin for like 2 years its ridiculous.#and i think primarily so they can go noooo see bruce is a hot late 30 year old instead because you become dust at any older!!#but. back to the age thing. hes about 17 maybe early 18 during AK but because tim is a private school teacher he needs a bachelor's degree#and most people get it at 22/23ish and then theres the actual teacher application and being hired (or not because hes a nepo baby)#so hes early mid twenties or so. compared to a (presumably dead) teenager who he called a loser more or less.
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HELIA it is going to be 25 degrees on Sunday are you prepared
not in the slightest! i do not possess summer clothes in my flat, they're all at home. i am going to be sweating buckets :)
#the heat is okay but only to a certain degree#literally#25 might be pushing it#but then i dont think we're due for more than 22 by me#helia answers
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i need to bitch about my job for a minute in the tags
#ok so a senior role was made available in my team that i could’ve applied for#and there’s two of us in the team so. yknow pretty certain that one of us would get it#it was sort of replacing someone who left who handled a fucktonne of work across two other teams i work with#and ultimately i decided not to apply for the job because 1. the other guy on my team has been there two years longer than i have#and 2. my health is fucking precarious#mental and physical. i already work slightly reduced hours to try and manage my chronic fatigue but even then i have frequent crashes#and whenever my workload gets too much i just shut down. like the worst stress response ever#so my coworker got the job and a hefty pay rise and im like good for him :)#and then he went on leave for 6 weeks so i got handed 60% of his workload#and when you get handed people’s projects you get a good insight into how they work and how they coordinate shit/write documents etc#and not only are these projects a piece of piss compared to the aid programme stuff i’ve been doing#his actual work is like?? not great#i know i’m a perfectionist and i put way too much effort into my documents and reports but#there’s no way this guy is being paid $30k more for this!!#so now i’m like why didn’t i fucking interview for the senior role!!#i have this terrible impostor syndrome even though i’ve been there a year and get good feedback on my projects#part of it because i’m 22 and i am constantly like how the fuck am i here with an arts degree. i don’t know Anything#but shit man. if this guy’s mediocre work is worth a senior role#i have had a couple of job offers with a decent pay bump which is still wild to me. you want to pay me WHAT#<- well aware this is a great ‘problem’ to have#anyway i think i need a pay rise. we’ve just had a mass exodus from our team. i reckon if i threatened to leave they would lift my salary?#but i don’t know if i want to blackmail my manager lmao
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i don’t want to kill myself but looking at the future sometimes i feel like i have no other option. i fucked it up too far without anticipating consequences and it’s too late to make a change or strive towards any kind of hopeful meaningful existence. there is no way out for someone like me who has nothing going for them, squandered any opportunity, any talent, everything that was handed to them on a silver platter. no interesting personality traits, no aptitudes, nothing to make up for the gaping void where motivation and will to live and thrive and put in effort towards a goal should be. even the most basic steps are a pipe dream. i don’t want to die because i fear the possibility of hell but i no longer see any tolerable way of living.
#i reread parts of mark fisher’s capitalist realism last night and i know it’s unhealthy for theory to cement your own depressive spiral but#i’m thinking of him. even an accomplished thinker and it’s all the fucking same#i’m goinh to listen to swans and cry. i skipped class again and for fucking what#notice how it’s all i i i i i. i have no community no support network no close friends no partner nothing#only my parents who are affluent enough to support me financially but that support is conditional because if#they knew about what i was really like and even parts of my identity that support would be cut off and because i#have no marketable skills i would be left penniless to beg on the street#how long can i keep pretending to be cis and depending on them for vital necessities? until i’m 22? 25?#dropping out isn’t even an option because a bachelors’ degree is prerequisite to getting ANY job that pays above minimum wage but i#feel no passion for the subject i’m studying despite it being literally one of the only things i used to be GREAT at (media analysis; so —#lit major; on foundations for liberal arts; which should be all about PASSION FOR THE SUBJECT)#i’m teetering on the precipice of a steep cliff that drops down into the abyss of abject poverty with no way out#i don’t know what i enjoy doing; what to dedicate my resources and energy to; if i have none left. i don’t even smoke or drink or do drugs#it’s just sober suffering in silence. of course the meds don’t fucking help; meds can’t alter the world around us or our circumstances#this fucking close to going out and buying a rope. i have free will :)) hell can’t be real; it can’t be. worst that could#happen is reincarnation and honestly i could go for a second chance#jamie.txt#tw suicidal ideation
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I am a Jonathan & Nancy barely finish college before getting married truther and I hate myself for it a lil bit tbh
#Listen I may be a full 30 year old and think getting married at 22 is YIKES BUT#They'll be together for like 5 years at that point and they're already married in the big sense ya know#I fully believe that Jonathan would get annoyed introducing her as his girlfriend because it's not enough and then decide to propose#Like in my head they struggle to make it through senior year without getting married and their only reasons are#1. Joyce would kill them and 2. Nancy wants her last name on her degree#But I'm also a they get married in Fall truther because they're fall coded#so they plan a small wedding and everyday Jonathan is just like but the courthouse exists bc he wants to be married already#the boy suffers ya know#but his art hoe instincts kick in when Nancy is like the photos will be better#stranger things#jancy#jonathan byers#nancy wheeler
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Went to the grocery store 👍🏻 its extremely humid again today.. jfc🥵
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Oh how I long for the cold sting of winter, knowing fine well I would complain to the ends of the Earth about the chill.
#it is just too! hot!#and it's not even as hot as it can get#if we have a heatwave like last year the boiling air of summer I feel now will be nothing more than a simmer#most would think im silly because it's only 22 degrees#but im dying in my house it's far too hot with the sun
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#hoo boy lads I’m going out of my mind I have so much to do and no time to do it#‘you could have planned this out better’ Bitch I am the first person in my immediate family#who has even thought seriously about moving to a different country#and I HAVE ALREADY lived in another country before but it was within the confines of an exchange programme#nobody knows what I’m doing this time around and therefore nobody can help me plan#I’ve been feeling burnt out since Fall of 20-goddamn-22#and last semester I learned that my master’s degree programme cannot accommodate the thesis I want to write#life took my plans and ripped them up into millions of little pieces#and yeah you can say ‘tough shit. that’s life’ but I’m SO TIRED of this happening#because my whole life has been like that#‘you can make your own decisions when you have your own house/apartment/life’#OKAY you’ve been telling me that my whole life BUT WHEN IS IT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?#I am TRYING to take my life by the horns and make things happen but#I can’t help noticing how precarious my position is#I have to drive across country hoping my only form of transportation doesn’t somehow fail me#I have to set up a new life in a new country where I don’t know anyone and I have never lived before#it’s like trying to build a house off the side of a cliff. one wrong move? one really bad day? and I’m toast.#and yeah I signed up for this but it’s because I’M SO TIRED OF WAITING for things to fall into a place that would make this change easier#nothing’s getting easier! everything just keeps getting harder! and no matter how many times I keep beating my head against the wall#hoping I can make things fall into place…nothing seems to change for the better. and I’m sick of it!#they say good things come to those who wait but I’ve been waiting for twenty!! goddamn!! years!! and things are still the same#like standing water it just sits there and festers#I want to stop merely surviving and start LIVING for once#I want to *do* something but I need support and I feel bad asking for it#why is it so hard to make myself believe I’m allowed to take up space? why is it so hard to ask for help??#maybe because I’m worried that I’m not allowed to take up space..and I know that when I ask for help#it’s often met with non-committal sayings and shrugs and ‘well okay. you tell me what you need to do and we’ll figure it out.’#maybe I don’t know what I need to do! maybe I need help figuring that out! it doesn’t help when all I hear is ‘yep. adulting is hard’#LIKE I DIDN’T FUCKEN KNOW THAT. maybe instead of stating the obvious we could FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MOVE FORWARD?!#I’m going absolutely out of my fucken mind
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so if i do this ill be graduating the same year as my sister which feels so weird
#might go back to uni#weird thing to say as someone who has not currently finished uni#but i think i need to get something practical#i’m not going to be an academic#so we’ll go for degree number 2 i reckon#if i get in#(also it’s gross that i’ll technically be classed as a ‘mature student’ apparently#i’ll only be 22 😭)#i talk and its probably something weird
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this is seriously ridiculous every time i'm home from work it rains non stop. and whatever today's a national holiday. but i took 2 days off tmrw and friday and it's gonna KEEP RAINING
#i did want to rest. but also maybe do something FUN. rain is only nice when you're home doing nothing. reading. sleeping#it's been raining so much northern italy don't piss me off i'm tired of it#not that i want the oppressing heat either. i just want a bit of sun and like. 22 degrees. no rain. no 30+. god please#i know this is a dumb complaint there's worse things to worry about. but EVERY time i'm off work the weather's shit????? come on now#nico rambles
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