#one time we were out of toilet paper so I used a little corner of a paper towel... transcendent

[nianeyna]

brand of toilet paper my parents buy shreds immediately into little dingleberries the moment it comes into contact with my butt and I don't know how to bring this up

[goldsbitch]

Could we dance in the past?

part 2 to I gave so many signs

summary: First unrequited love is not the one to ever leave your mind. Y/N looks back at her missed connection with Charles Leclerc from the time they were just teenagers and regrets having him slip away.

song fic (disclaimer: rights belong to the respectable owners)

right where you left me - Taylor Swift Before love came to kill us - Jessie Reyes

warning: Present time, the past....alcohol and typos

Charles did all he could to appear normal and not give away that he was shaking on the inside. He was used to masking his true feelings, can't let other drivers know you're nervous, ever. Years of training and overused trick with digging his nails to his palm paid back. His latest girlfriend didn't seem to notice.

Life's good and I'm gettin' paid, mm But I think about you everyday, oh no (still) When I miss you I medicate (pour up drink, drink)

They went home earlier than planned, but Charles could not spend another minute locked up in the same space as Y/N without acting out or worse - getting up to talk to her. It was surprising that his lame excuse worked and hadn't caused any alarms with his girlfriend. He tried his best to look chill, laughed at the jokes he would have, listened attentively, contributed to the conversation, kissed his so called love on the cheek and took her home, where he made her feel good, as he normally would. Only once she fell asleep, only when he was really sure of that, he allowed his mind to roam free. He had to get up and leave the bed their currently shared. If he had been a smoker, this would be the moment to drag out half of pack. In the end, he opted for a glass of his favorite drink, or at least something that would resemble that. As he sipped his faux Moscow mule, he cursed the day Y/N showed him this drink.

For a moment at least I know You were mine and it was beautiful

"Ok, ok, listen, listen Charles," Y/N insisted, waiving her drunker finger around with a drunken sassy demeanor. "Yes, mon chéri," he replied, so alcohol flowing through his system one could be surprised he was still lucid. "I absolutely hate this...this thing," she pointed to the contents of her glass. "Oh, come on! You can't leave me alone in this celebration!" he moaned like a little baby. It was right after one of his biggest achievements in racing yet, but he was just too young to celebrate publicly, so there they were, two teenagers discovering the limits of alcohol in Y/N's empty apartment. Charles was over the moon when he found out that her parents were out of town, already being high on the post race hormones. Sometimes the starts just align. "I'm not going to leave you alone, you're stuck with me. But! We have to stop pretending like this tastes good," she nearly threw her fancy glass containing her dad's whiskey. "I mean, it is absolutely horrible," Charles admitted and made Y/N laugh. One of his favorite things. He got closer to her, one narrow kitchen counter parting them. "So what will we do?" "Let's get creative," she exclaimed and started to google around and sent Charles over to the fridge for a variety of ingredients that did not go together in any situation. "We need to find our signature drink. I want to walk over somewhere one day and be like...one martini, dry," she played a parody of her older self. "Yeah, you're right. Because the whiskey is definitely not it," he agreed and spit the rest of his out. "That's like few hundred euros you spit there, buddy," she whispered. Charles's eyes went wide and immediately started to apologize and offering to pay back. He was not amused when she laughed at him and brought it up when he went to the toilet, saying that he did not have to pay for the toilet paper. When he came back from the bathroom, he managed to bump right into Y/N, who though that the best thing to do was to jump at him from a corner. This resulted in her spilling her Moscow mule on both of them. Charles found it funny at first and took it as a great opportunity to take his shirt off, with a little hope that it might actually impress her a bit. He had worked out a lot lately. This had totally backfired the minute he noticed that Y/N was also soaking wet. He had already noticed earlier that she was not wearing a bra and tried not to imagine what she would have looked like without her loose t-shirt. His imagination could have gone on vacation now, her nipples were poking through and the t-shirt hugged the shape of her breasts tightly. Once again, as he had been times before with this girl, he was speechless and frozen. The internal battle being that he wanted to be as respectful as one could be, but his dreams were also becoming real right before his teenage eyes. She seemed to be drunk enough not to take care. He peaked several times and cursed himself when he heard the diplomatic words coming out of his mouth, informing Y/N of her situation. She thanked him dearly and covered herself by wearing his hoodie. This image made Charles's situation ten times worse, especially when he saw the little blush on her cheek. For a moment he imagined that she was his and only his. Took him two years before he washed that hoodie again.

But I wanna hold ya Like it's June in the west end Back when you were my best friend Before love came to kill us

It was always hard, seeing Y/N. He thought with time and age it would get easier, but all those talks about talk about time healing wounds did not align with his experience. He somehow got over it, had several girlfriends after her and discovered he really was the relationship type. But she just shined in colors brighter than anyone else. They understood each other. Charles was aware of that when he was young, but underestimated the rarity of that kind of a connection. Years had passed - and it didn't seem to matter.

Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me

He loved his girlfriend. He must have. The note was there simply in case she woke up when he was on his fake midnight jog. Occasional midnight run was something he did from time to time, so it was not suspicious. To sell it properly, just in case, he put on his running shoes and a hoodie. Strangely similar one to the one he gave Y/N that one Moscow mule night.

She must have stopped going to their usual café spot. It had been weeks since they talked, Charles took the events that happened at her prom to heart and decided that it was time for him to get over his best friend. He was sure you'd be friends again, sooner rather than later, but he needed some time to process. Or at least he thought, this was all very new to him, nobody to talk to about it and nowhere to get some decent advice. But that was what all the songs he blasted for hours on end seemed to agree on, so he tried that. No contact. He caught himself taking the roads that lead pass the spots he knew you might be, whenever he was back home. His body playing tricks on him. He always peaked into the café window - what if... After sometime, the realization that Y/N had stopped coming there hit him hard. Suddenly, the possibility of you two never talking again started to look a little too realistic. No word from her, which was odd. She would always be the one to bombard Charles no matter how bad it got.

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight"

And with days adding up to their friendship hiatus, he started to literally occupy that café, way more that when the pair hung out there together. There were only two waiters there changing their shifts back and forth. What Charles didn't know was that they put a bet on how long it would take for the girl that used to accompany the young man, whom they'd known by his name at that point, to come back with him one day. Young love, they used to reminisce of their own first heartbreak whenever he left the door.

They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared Right where you left me

He imagined this is what it felt like to have an heart attack. She finally sent him a message. And with that one text, he threw away all the work he tried to accomplish by keeping his distance and ended up right back where he started. Madly in love.

It's gettin' late And I should go

He knew he shouldn't have. Was old enough to know better this time. Understood that it was all super toxic for him and that he was in a much better place now. Oh, and then there was the fact that he had a girl back in his apartment. And it wasn't Y/N. But still, he casually jogged right back to the bar they'd left not even two hours ago. Surely, she'd be gone by now. He'd just check it out, have one last Moscow mule of the night and call it a day. That would have worked just fine. Hadn't it been for Y/N, standing alone in front of the bar entrance. Charles saw her getting shocked the moment she noticed him and dropping her cigarette. He slowed down and stared back at her. As if to make clear that him being here was not an accident this time. And also to finally look at her gorgeous, now adult, face without having to hide it.

So under the mask of the moon Could we dance in the past? Before love Before love came to kill us

part 3

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Write a fic about where you are attending kindergarten and then there's a rat fighting off foot ninjas

and then TMNT x reader

Ninjas In Kindergarten (Angst?/Crack?/Fluff?)

Bayverse!Turtles x reader

A/N: In honor of the second rat we found in the toilet today, along with the signs of rats in the other parts of the kindergarten, daycare and staff room, I bring you this. I’ve changed it from Foot ninjas to a mouser, and brought the turtles in just for the fun of it. And oh yeah, they brought the rat hound in again. IT FOUND ANOTHER RAT WHILE WE WERE THERE. What an internship. It isn’t boring I tell ya.

Btw, me and the kids are now joking that it's Master Splinter’s unmutated family that wishes to recruit ninjas on their own. These little ninjas now do a double check before using the toilet.

Warning: Kids in danger, crying children, and spelling like always.

It was a surprisingly calm day for a Monday in a kindergarten. All handovers of the kids from their parents had gone smoothly, with the kids happily playing together on the mats, the pillow room or the play kitchen. Even the girl that tended to cry whenever her mother dropped her off was in a somewhat good mood, drawing with her two best friends at one of the tables.

You sat by the play kitchen area, plastic food all around you as the boys and girls around you handed you food, acting as if you were the only guest in an overstaffed restaurant. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see one of the adults cutting up fruit, while another one brought more pencils to the drawing table, all while the third one was changing diapers on the three youngest kids.

It was nice to finally have a calm day at your internship. The past few weeks had been somewhat chaotic. Not so chaotic that you couldn’t keep afloat, but enough to make you very tired whenever you finally got home. But damn it, these sweet kids made the whole ordeal worth it, only making you excited for the day you would have your own.

You and your boyfriend had started to talk about children. Nothing was set in stone yet, but the topic had been up several times. Well, if it was possible that was. With your boyfriend’s… less than human nature, none of you were sure that a child would even be possible. But nonetheless you dreamed, finding your heart jump whenever one of the kids accidentally called you mom.

“(Y/N)!”, one of the girls at the table called out, running to you with the drawing in her hands. Her 4 year old face, bright eyes and happy smile shined proudly as she held up her drawing for you. It was a blob of colors with no form of meaning, but nonetheless she was happy. “I made it for my mom!”

“Woooow!”, you smiled, leaning forward to show interest in the paper and the many doodles on it. “Did you really make that all by yourself?”

“Yes!”, she said with a little happy jump. “All by myself!”

“I think your mother is going to like it a lot”, you said, smiling as another kid handed you yet another piece of plastic food, adding it to the growing pile in your lap. “I think you should put it in your drawer. Then mommy will know where it is”.

“Okay!”, she smiled, running to her drawer with a skip in her steps.

With the paper in one hand, she opened her drawer, only to jump back with a scream, causing you and the other adult to jump, all turning your attention her way, all the kids doing the same in quiet shock. In her drawer was a mechanine, the size of a mouth, with one bright red lamp where its eyes should be, walking around on two feet. You jumped at the sight, knowing exactly what it was. You had seen such a thing several times with your boyfriend and his brothers, during your run ins with one certain scientist.

You quickly ran to the girl and pulled her back, just before the mouser jumped out of the drawer, snapping out at you. All the kids let out a scream, running for the farest corner in order to get away from the mouser.

In one swift move, you pressed the number that the turtles had given you onto the keyboard, sending an alarm signal to the ninjas, before giving the mouser a hard kick as it tried to get near you and the poor crying girl.

“Up on the tables!”, you yelled over your shoulder to the three other adults, quickly helping the girl up on the nearest table, before helping the next kid. “Keep the mouser away from the kids!”

And so you did, getting all the kids up on the tables, ignoring the questioning looks from the other pedagogues, as they wondered how you knew what that thing was.

You got the last kid up on the table, kicking the mouser back once more, before quickly jumping up on the table to the kids, before it could bite at your ankles. The kids on the table hug you tightly, crying as the mouser started to bite at the wooden legs of the table, trying to get it to fall.

Suddenly the door swung up, revealing your mutant turtle boyfriend in the front and his brothers right behind him. The moment he spotted the mouser at the feet of your table, he jumped into action, smashing it into pieces with his weapons, causing the room to fall quiet. Thankfully the kids weren't crying at the moment, but you could tell by the looks on their faces that the sight of four mutant ninja turtles would soon cause another round of crying.

“So”, you said, trying to defuse the building intensity in the room. “Kids, this is my boyfriend. You know, the one that was a little different with strong muscles? That is him”.

Your boyfriend waved at the kids with a somewhat awkward smile. When he and his brothers gave you that emergency number, he had never thought he would have to come and save you, three pedagogues and a bunch of kids from a rogue mouser.

To his surprise, one of the kids poked at him, staring at him with their big eyes and runny nose, not fearing his big frame as he looked at them.

“Are you green because you ate broccoli?”

“Yes”, your boyfriend answered with a smile, before knocking on his shell. “And I got this from drinking coconut milk”.

“Oh boy”, was the only thing you could mutter, before the questions came flying, all of the kids wanting to learn about your strange boyfriend and his brothers.

It didn’t take long before the kids started playing with your boyfriend and the other turtles. With Mikey they took turns to jump on the smashed mouser, laughing loudly at the sounds it made. Donnie drew with girls, taking a look at the drawing the girl from before had made. Raph played a throwing game, throwing the kids into a pile of pillows one by one, while Leo was making a tower of building blocks with the quiet kids, their eyes growing wider the taller the tower got.

It was safe to say that you would have to bring your boyfriend and his family to your internship a little more often, especially when the kids started screaming and asking you to bring them once again. There was nothing you could do. The kids had turned into big fans of the ninja turtles. And it was adorable.

[artiststarme]

Steve’s No Good, Very Bad Day

This is something a little different from what I usually do so I hope you guys like it! Please leave your thoughts and title ideas in the comments!

~*~*~*~

Steve was just wrapping up at work one day, getting ready to run some errands when the kids stampeded through the door. He hardly even had time to sigh before Dustin was trying to negotiate for him to give them a ride to the community pool. 

“Steve, it’s eighty four degrees outside right now and the community pool is a mile away. If we bike there in these conditions, we could get heat stroke and die. What kind of friend would you be if you let us die when you could’ve prevented it? Since we all know you’re my best friend, you should give us a ride.”

“Dude, no. I have errands to run and I’m really not in the mood to babysit,” Steve said, shaking his head. He had better things to do than drive them around town all day. Like buying himself groceries and toilet paper, interesting stuff. 

“Please, Steve? We’re counting on you! Just give us a ride and we’ll leave you alone for the rest of the weekend!” Lucas bartered. 

“I’m hosting DnD at my house tomorrow,” Steve said, completely deadpan. 

“And we’ll leave you alone until then!” Dustin jumped in. “Please?”

“Son of a bitch, fine! Go wait by my car. Jesus Christ, you’re truly annoying. You know that, right?”

“Thanks Steve!” Dustin called and ran to wait by his car. 

Steve just sighed and shook his head. He didn’t sign up for this. He loves those kids but goddamn, he just wanted one day to himself after working customer service and faking smiles all morning. Nevertheless, he climbed into his car and cranked the AC before heading towards the pool. 

“So where’s Will, Max, and El? Are you guys hanging out with them today too?”

“Of course we are,” Dustin answered snootily. “They’re our friends.”

“They’re meeting us at the pool,” Lucas added. 

“Well, thank you Lucas for answering my question,” he turned to look at Dustin in the passenger seat. “You need to lose the ‘tude, Henderson. I’m doing you shitheads a favor. Tone it down.”

“Sorry,” Dustin muttered. 

They traveled the rest of the way in silence with only the soft tones of Simon and Garfunkel playing softly through the radio. When they turned into the pool’s parking lot, something felt off. Steve couldn’t put his finger on it. Nothing looked out of the blue but something was wrong, he was certain. 

“Stay in the car, I’ll be right back.” He opened his door and Henderson opened his as well. “Dustin, please. Just stay in the car for a minute.”

“Wha- but…”

“Dustin!” He gave him a confused look but shut the door regardless. 

Steve saw Max, Will, and El rounding the corner and ran up to them. They looked fine too but something still felt off. His stomach was twisting in warning and he didn’t know why. 

“Hey guys-”

“Steve? I didn’t know you’d be coming. We could’ve used the ride,” Max snarked.

“Listen, something feels off. Get in my car,” Steve told them. His heart started beating faster and he could feel sweat dripping on his forehead. His adrenaline was going crazy and he didn’t know why. 

“Steve, there isn’t enough room. We won’t fit-” Will tried to explain but he was cut off by the sound of gunfire. El threw up her hands to telekinetically redirect the bullets and Steve tackled Max and El to the ground. 

He lightly smacked his head on the cement but he picked himself up soon enough. When he looked around the parking lot, there were dozens of government agents facing El with their guns drawn. 

“Eleven. We are with a secret department of the United States government. If you come with us peacefully, we’ll let your friends live.” As the woman in charge was talking, Steve noticed a man standing behind El raise his gun to her head. 

“El!” He jumped up from the ground the pushed her away from the path of the gun as it fired. He felt a sharp, searing pain in his shoulder and then he was back on the ground. 

“Steve!” She looked over at him but he just shook his head with his teeth clenched. 

“Kill them!” He felt bad about ordering a kid to kill the fifteen agents, not for them but for her. She didn’t deserve to carry their deaths on her conscience. But as he saw all of their necks snap in unison, he couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. 

All of the kids surrounded him worriedly. The boys looked slightly nauseous while Max and El were looking at his shoulder in concern.

“Steve? Are you okay, buddy? I’m pretty sure you got shot.” Dustin told him gently, just as he had in Billy’s Camaro all those years ago. 

“El… you okay?” Steve asked her quietly. It was getting harder for him to speak. It felt like there was a fog over him that was pulling him under.

“Of course I am okay, Steve. You were the one that was shot,” she told him matter-of-factly. 

“Hmm, yeah makes sense. Fucking... figures,” and then he lost consciousness. 

~*~*~*~

When he woke up, it was to a bland hospital room. His head ached, his shoulder throbbed, and his throat was dry. As annoyed as he was with the situation, Steve was glad that he had been there for the kids. Who knew what would’ve happened if he hadn’t gotten there when he did. Would El have that man’s bullet in her head? Would Max and Will be dead due to a slew of bullets? He’s glad he would never have to find out. 

He was so lost in his thoughts of what could have happened that he didn’t notice Hopper stepping in until he spoke. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Hopper hissed angrily. 

“What do you mean?” Steve asked in confusion. It almost seemed like Hopper was mad at him but he was pretty positive that he had no reason to be. 

“Why the hell were you taking the kids to the pool? You know that people are after her and you just took her out into the open? How could you do something so stupid?!”

Steve’s entire body flinched at his comment. “Hop, the kids were going anyway. The only reason I was there was to give Dustin, Lucas, and Mike a ride. The other kids were meeting them there. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You’re the adult, Harrington! You should’ve told them no and then none of us would be in this situation!” 

“Hop, I’m sorry. Next time I’ll be more careful. I know it must’ve been scary to see your kids like that…”

“You’re not my son!” He screamed at him in fury.

Steve’s blood turned cold. “Wh-what?”

“El is my daughter and your actions almost got her killed! And you put all the other kids in danger too. I don’t know if Joyce and I can forgive you for this, Harrington.”

Hopper shook his head derisively one last time and stalked out of the hospital room. Steve just laid there in shock. He didn’t know why Hopper was so mad at him or why he decided that Steve wasn’t worth any effort anymore. He didn’t know why he always pushed away his parental figures but this was three people now that he managed to disappoint so it had to be an issue with him. All he could do was close his eyes and cry at the unfairness of it all.

~*~*~*~

Between visits from Eddie and Robin, Steve was alone. The kids were banned from seeing him due to what Hopper had coined ‘reckless endangerment’ and it wasn’t like he had anyone else interested in visiting him. So it was a surprise when a chastened Hopper entered his room. 

“Hey kid, how are you doing?” He asked him softly. 

Steve just stared at him. He wasn’t sure where he and Hop stood after he screamed at him just a few days prior. 

“Look Steve, I want to apologize. I uh, I didn’t have all of the information and I blamed you when it wasn’t your fault. I know now that you were there to protect the kids and you did a great job other than getting shot and getting another concussion. I’m sorry.”

“I meant Will. When I said you were worried about your kids. I meant Will and El. I know you don’t consider me your son, why would you? Literally no one wants to be my parent so I get it-”

“Steve, I do consider you my kid. I shouldn’t have said that and I only did out of anger. You didn’t deserve that and I’ll make it up to you. You’re going to move into the house with us until you get better,” he promised him. 

Steve just shook his head though, “don’t worry about it. Eddie is going to stay at my house until I can use my arm. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Harrington, I don’t care if I have to kidnap your sorry ass. You’re staying with me, Joyce, and the kids until you’re better.”

“This is part of your apology, threats of kidnapping? What the fuck, Hop?” Steve exclaimed, absolutely perplexed. 

“Yeah, did it work?”

Steve huffed, “get me some orange Jello and I’ll consider it.”

They had a ways to go until they were back to where they were but they’d get there. Steve would forgive him in time and Hopper would forgive himself eventually too.

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[scullysexual]

a continuation of this. @today-in-fic

mentions of emotional/physical abuse.

“No, Mommy!” Emily cries, trying to squirm away from Dana’s hand. They are in the bathroom of a Walmart, a wet paper towel sits in Dana’s hand as she attempts to wash the dirt and grime of the past few days from her daughter’s face. The five year old has none of it.

“I have to clean your face, baby,” Dana says quietly. Truthfully, she doesn’t have the energy to fight with Emily today. She was exhausted; the stresses of her living situation catching with her.

Last night they had camped in the parking lot of the Walmart whose bathroom they were currently using. It was another cold night and Dana had barely slept. Despite the overnight parking sign, Dana had still been worried somebody would come along and throw them out even if she deliberately parked in the corner furthest away. That, however, had also come with its own issues: no streetlights. So while one half of her had worried about getting kicked out, the other half worried about getting her car broken into while they slept.

Emily, thankfully, had had no issues falling asleep. It was the daytime she struggled with. Unsimulated, bored, Emily’s tantrums had been getting worse lately. So far Emily had ripped one of her books apart and the corner of her tablet had a crack in it from when Emily had thrown it onto the parking lot’s tarmac. Dana tried not to get angry at her child, she was probably feeling the stress too now.

“Why can’t I go home and have a proper bath?” Emily asks.

Home. Every day Emily asked to go home. Every day Dana told her they couldn’t.

“Home isn’t safe anymore,” Dana tells her again.

“Daddy puts bubbles in my bath and let’s me play with as many ducks as I want.” Emily’s head lifts, almost challenging Dana to compete with her precious daddy. She hears what Emily doesn’t say. You keep me in a car all day and try to wash my face in stinky toilets.

Dana knows this already. She would listen as Ethan bathed Emily hours after a fight, like nothing had happened, meanwhile Dana would clean up the mess left behind.

She doesn’t tell Emily the other things Ethan does or says like how angry he becomes when he drinks or how she and Emily are the reason his life is so shit.

Well, they were out of his life now, Dana wonders if it was going any better for him.

Dana tosses the paper towel into the trashcan. She brushes her teeth and then disappears into the cubical to pee. She gets Emily to sing a song with her so Dana knows she still there and it’s during this time that something catches her eye. A leaflet sticks halfway out of the sanitary bin. Dana yanks it out as the lyrics to Wheels On The Bus trail off from her lips. Emily stops singing, too.

“Mommy, where did you go?” Emily cries.

“I’m still on the toilet, baby,” Dana answers though she is distracted looking at the leaflet. It’s a job ad; some time of nanny agency. Babysitting, Dana thinks. There’s a number on the bottom. An ideal striking, Dana gets off the toilet. When she opens the cubical, the leaflet still in her hand, Emily looks at her with relief.

“You took too long,” she says accusatory.

“I’m sorry,” Dana apologises. She shoves the leaflet into her bag and washes her hands.

“Can we go home now?” Emily asks.

“Soon.” Dana helps Emily off the counter and she takes hold of her hand, leading her out of the bathroom.

…

Dana listens as the phone rings, Finding Nemo plays in the background, Emily’s little laughter escaping her mouth as she watches. The phone rings five times and Dana is sure nobody is going to pick up. She’s about to give up when the ringing stops, there’s a slight pause, and then a woman’s voice rings through.

“Happy Nest Nurseries, Ellie speaking, how can I help?”

The voice on the other end takes Dana back a bit and she stutters slightly before she speaks.

“Hi, um…I’m Dana Scully. I was wondering if you had any positions available?” She bites her lip with trepidation, watching Emily through the rear-view mirror.

Ellie sighs. “I’m sorry, we don’t have any places, right now.” Dana’s heart sinks. Ellie goes quiet again and Dana hears the hustle of the phone being moved. There’s a conversation happening between Ellie and somebody else but Dana can’t quite catch the words. Finally, Ellie’s voice sounds through again.

“Actually, Monica says she might have something. Could you come in today?”

Dana smiles, happy and wide. “Yes! Yes, I can.”

“Great,” says Ellie. “I will see you then.”

They exchanges goodbyes and Dana starts putting the car into gear. The sound of the engine coming to life causes Emily to look up from her tablet.

“Are we going home now?” she asks.

“Not quite. Mommy has somewhere she needs to be.”

…

It’s only when she gets to the offices- the address listed on the leaflet and confirmed during a quick phone call to Ellie again- that Dana realises her appearance doesn’t exactly scream interview ready. She looks as tired as she feels, has aged about 10 years in three days. When she untangles her hair from the hair tie it falls down mattered and greasy, in need of a good wash, her curls in need of a reset (or a pair of straighteners) She finger combs through the ends, yanks out a giant knot with a wince, then reties her hair, this time into a ponytail. Then she pulls open the glove compartment in the hopes of finding a stray lip gloss tube in there. After rummaging around she finds not only the lip gloss but mascara, too, along with that a broken comb, couple of random receipts, a lighter, half a pack of cigarettes, Ethan’s ‘lost’ driver’s license- the memory of the day he lost that forever burned into her mind- and a teething toy from when Emily was a baby. Suffice to say, just about everything was in this glove compartment.

Dana shoves everything put the lip gloss and mascara away, she’ll deal with that junk another day. The uses the sun shield mirror and applies the products, immediately looking and feeling better about herself. She turns to Emily then.

“Emily?”

Emily remains half engrossed still by her tablet. “Hmm?”

“I’m about to speak to some very important people. I need you to be on your best behaviour, okay?”

“Can I bring my tablet?”

Dana sighs. When she was pregnant with Emily she didn’t want to become that parent who handed their child a phone screen to keep them quiet. In fact, she had been very against the idea, upholding it whenever she could. It was Ethan who ruined that one. When Emily was two years old he handed her his phone and it had been that way ever since. It wasn’t the first time Dana tried to implement rules and restrictions that would get thrown out the window by Ethan a few hours later. Bubble baths and unlimited ducks one of them. There was a reason Daddy was the favoured one because he gave whatever Emily wished, Mommy was just mean.

“Yes but you’ll have to put on your headphones.”

Emily pulls the headphones out of her bag and puts them on, forgetting to plug the wire into the tablet. Dana laughs and climbs out, reaching back into the car to unbuckle Emily and plug the wire in. Dana guiding a screen-hypnotised Emily, they both walk into the office building.

…

She meets Ellie at one of the desks. The girl wearily eyes Dana and Emily before smiling that fake customer facing smile.

“Maria will be in her office. Follow me.” And Dana does, following Ellie to the end of the hall. Two knocks and when a voice on the other side of the door bids them entry, Ellie opens it.

“Dana Scully is here to see you,” says Ellie.

“Send her in,” says the voice.

Ellie opens the door wider and Dana walks into the room.

“You can go now, Ellie.” And Ellie does so, closing the door behind her.

The woman- Monica- does a once over of Dana.

“I’m sorry,” Dana says immediately. Between the looks Ellie gave her and now the looks Monica is giving her, she knows she isn’t making a great first impression appearance wise. “I just didn’t intend on coming here today.”

“That’s okay,” says Monica. “Who is this?” she asks with interest and a big smile at the sight of Emily.

“My daughter, Emily—” Emily is oblivious, her eyes still glued to the screen. Dana looks wearily towards the other woman.

“You know, a lot of our clients don’t like giving screens to children,” Monica says in a tone that is gentle but still conveys a certain amount of warning.

“I know. And I don’t usually like it either but she’s so restless, she’d only be pilfering through your stuff, she’s very curious. The screen gives her something to focus on, it keeps her quiet, it…” Dana trails off. She knows she isn’t making much of an effort to defend herself, coming up with excuses here and there. “I just needed her to be quiet for now,” Dana says honestly. “I try to restrict her screen time.” A half lie, she did try when she lived with Ethan.

“Sit,” says Monica. “Let’s have a little chat.”

The woman guides the two of them over to the chairs at her desk. Dana helps Emily onto her seat before sitting down herself. Monica watches, beady eyed. When everyone is settled, Monica speaks.

“I don’t often do this but we’ve had a client seeking a nanny recently,” explains Monica and Dana hangs on to every word. “She’s desperate, almost, and we’re fully booked. Or we were, until you called. Now, we will have to do background checks, make sure you’re legit, it’ll take about three days but if everything comes back clean, which in most cases it does, the job is yours. Would you like it?”

Dana can barely believe it. She smiles brightly and nods.

“Yes, of course.”

Monica smiles back. “Great. Let me get you a form.” She wanders over to a filing cabinet and pulls the top drawer open. Dana takes her chance.

“Um…I wondered if I could also get a proof of employment in those three days as well. I’m hoping to get onto a housing list.”

Monica pauses and sighs. “Unfortunately Dana, you have to pass your probation before we can give you anything like that.”

Dana’s heart sinks once more. “And how long is the probation?”

“Three months.”

Dana gawks. Three months! She can’t live in her car for three months. She looks away, willing herself not to cry.

“I also have to ask what you intend to do with Emily when you’re at work. We’re you intending on taking her along too or do you have somewhere to put her, someone she can stay with?”

“Would she be allowed to come with me?”

Monica sighs again. “It’s not advised. You’re protected under insurance if anything was to happen to you while at the house. Emily, however, would not be. It is a risk.”

Dana looks at Emily then. Who knows what type of person this client could be. She could be risking Emily’s safety taking her with her. But where else could she go? To go back home would mean seeing Ethan. Family is…tricky. Melissa isn’t cut out for caring for a child- not to mention if she’d be in any state to even do so- she hasn’t spoken to her parents since Emily’s fifth birthday and that ended in an argument between her and her father, Ethan’s mother despises her and while she loves Emily she’ll only accept Emily if Ethan is the one dropping her off. There was one last person, the only one who has actually offered any support for Dana in the five years she’s been a mother but she too comes at a risk.

But, depending on hours, a risk Dana was willing to make.

“Yeah,” she says. “I have someone she can stay with.”

“Brilliant,” says Monica. She hands the form to Dana. “Fill this in as quickly as possible.”

…

Diana Fowley is the name of the woman who’s kids she’ll be looking after. Two boys: William who was the same age as Emily and Arthur who was three. Simple. Easy. She can do this.

Diana is a lawyer and, according to Monica, going through a divorce. It’s messy, the father’s contact with the boys is limited to weekends or whatever reason and originally, he was the stay at home dead while she was the breadwinner. Now this divorce has meant Diana has to look at other options.

Dana can’t help but compare this father to Ethan. She could never imagine Ethan as a stay at home parent- that was relegated to her- for pride mostly but also for controlling reasons. If Dana has no income herself then she can never leave, forever dependant on Ethan for a home, for financial support. She wishes she could see his face now. I got a job, Ethan. Turns out I’m not as stupid as you made me think.

Not that she was ever stupid. She has a quarter of a physics degree, had a direct path into medicine. A doctor she was going to be, a heart surgeon of all things. She was Emily’s age when she decided that that was what her career was going to be. She had it all worked out: married at 30, a kid two years later. Only the marriage never came, the kid nine years too early.

Dana doesn’t regret Emily, she doesn’t blame Emily for how her life has turned out. Emily is her entire world, Dana just wishes she hadn’t been 21.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, Emily?” Dana asks as they drive down a suburb.

The tablet is still on, now playing Ratatouille.

“A chef!”

This would be wonderful news if, when Dana asked her a few days ago, Emily hadn’t replied with dentist because she was watching Finding Nemo. She expects her daughter’s answer would’ve been a superhero if she’d been watching The Incredibles. But whatever path her daughter choices, Dana just hopes she’s able to become whatever she wants.

Her stomach twists as the house looms in front of her. Bill’s house she thinks as her hands squeeze the steering wheel. No, Tara’s, Dana corrects. If she stays it’s Tara’s house then it is a lot less daunting.

“Where are we, Mommy?”

“You’re going to spend the day with Auntie Tara, baby.”

Emily recoils.

“I hate Auntie Tara!”

“Emily!” Dana admonishes, spinning around. “You don’t hate anyone. Auntie Tara loves you. She wants to see you.”

Tears come to Emily’s eyes as she furiously shakes her head.

“I don’t want to!” the child cries. “I don’t like Auntie Tara. I want to go home! I want Daddy! Why won’t you let me see Daddy?!”

Dana sighs preparing herself for another Emily tantrum.

“Take me to Daddy!” Emily’s foot kicks the back of Dana’s chair. “I want to see Daddy!” Kick. Daddy. Kick. Daddy. Kick. Daddy.

Dana closes her eyes, focuses on her breath, breathing in and out, in and out. She reopens her eyes.

“Emily,” she says quietly, not rising to her daughter’s level. “I need Tara to look after you today.”

“Why can’t Daddy?”

“Daddy’s busy.”

“But I haven’t seen him in years!”

She reminds herself that it’s only been a week.

“I know and we will see Daddy soon but for now, I need you to go with Auntie Tara until Mommy gets back, okay?”

“Where are you going?”

“I told you, Mommy has to go to work.”

The concept was baffling to the child.

“But you stay at home…” Emily says with a frown.

Dana smiles. “Not anymore. We need to find a house—”

“We have a house- Daddy’s house.”

Dana unbuckles her seatbelt and climbs out of the car. She opens Emily’s door, unbuckles Emily, and kneels down in front of her.

“I need you to listen to me, Emily. Daddy is a bad person. Do you know what a bad person is?”

Emily nods. “They hurt you.”

Dana nods in return. “They do. That’s what Daddy did- he hurt me. He almost hurt you.” She wipes a stray tear from her child’s face. “So I got us out of there. That is why we can’t go back home, we can’t go back to Daddy. I’m gonna get us a new house where nobody can hurt us but I need you to stay with Tara so I can do that. Do you think you can do that?”

Emily pauses, thinking it over hard as if she had any choice in the matter.

“Daddy was shouting and you were crying.” Emily frowns as if trying to remember. “And something hitted my head.”

Dana nods again, tears now coming to her own eyes. She thought maybe Emily would have forgotten that night. Clearly not. “It was a glass cup, baby. Daddy threw a glass cup and it almost hit you.”

Emily’s eyes widen. “Why? Did I do something wrong? Do I make Daddy angry?”

Dana’s heart breaks a million times over, the gravel currently cutting into her knees didn’t hurt as much as this. She gathers Emily into her embrace.

“No, baby girl…” She breaths in her unique Emily scent. “You don’t make anybody angry. Daddy meant to…” She stops herself. Daddy meant to throw it at me she almost says. “He didn’t mean to throw it at you. But it did get you so that’s why we had to leave.”

“Daddy let’s me have bubbles and ducks in the bath.”

Dana smiles despite having nothing to smile about. How difficult to must be to understand that the Daddy who gives Emily bubbles and ducks is the same Daddy who screamed at Mommy, made her cry, and threw a glass cup.

“I’ll tell you what,” Dana proposes, pulling away and looking at Emily once more. “If you stay with Tara now, when we get our new house, you can have all the bubbles and ducks you want.”

“I want a duck bedroom. Painted yellow. With little ducks like Quacky.”

Dana sniffles, giggling through her tears. “You can have that as well. You can have anything you want.”

Emily smiles, tears and tantrums over. Another tear falls from Dana’s own eyes and Emily reaches forward, wiping one away.

“Don’t cry, Mommy. You can have bubbles and ducks, too.”

In that moment, every single thing Dana has endured feels 100% worth it if it meant Emily got to be here. She pulls Emily back into a hug.

“I love you, baby girl. So, so much.”

“I love you, too, Mommy.”

Dana presses little kisses all over Emily face until the child laughs and squirms away. Then she stands and Emily resumes watching her movie. Dana knocks on Tara’s front door.

[tammyjackson50-blog]

- Picnic with my best friend ___________________

( Gif made by @luna-munson83 !)

Summary: You went on a chill picnic with your best friend Eddie, everything was going just fine until..

1/2

Last part ->

We sat on the mat in the park in the field on the green grass, the weather was pleasant, and the air felt clean and wonderful.

He sat next to me while I had my attention on a group of friends who were not far away from us, they had been singing songs together, it's nice to see people having fun.

I noticed him doing something out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked at what he was doing, I noticed that he had his phone leaning against his water bottle, he clicked on the option to make a video , so I moved away from the camera because I didn't want to be seen, but he suddenly grabbed me back toward him, " You're not going anywhere, I want you to be in the video" he said, not looking at me.

" Why are you recording a video? "

He raised an eyebrow and looked at me.

" Excuse me, are you the only one who can take pictures and record videos and make memories? besides I want you to be part of my memories "

I smiled a little, not wanting to show how much that sentence gave me butterflies in my stomach.

" If you insist dear sir, have fun. " I looked at the camera and stuck my tongue out, he looked at me through the screen of the phone, smiled, and said, " Thank you very much, dear madam. "

-------------------

The sun began to set after a while. He was eating the chips he bought earlier today when he said, " In a few minutes, we will be heading towards the beach."

" No problem ".

The group started packing things up, probably about to leave.

they were still singing, so I kept staring at them, entertained, as they sang some beautiful song.

I started humming the words of the song with them, I must have caught his attention, he looked at me and only after a few moments I felt it, I got goosebumps, I looked at the screen of his phone to see if I was right and yes, I was right, I looked back at him without trying to smile and asked " what are you looking at ? "

"On you of course " He responded, and for a brief moment I wasn't sure how to respond, but I shrugged it off because I knew he was playing. "Oh yeah sure, I'm a superstar, so people are always staring at me." he grinned and said " Nah,it's not like that ,It's just that seeing an alien singing songs is not something you get to see every day." I looked at him with a fake smile "ha ha ha how funny you are today " he didn't stop laughing, he laugh like it was the best joke that he had ever said, maybe for some people it could be annoying, but I really didn't care , because his laugh... he has a funny, idiotic, and cute laugh, and I didn't even start talking about his smile.

He has a smile that can make all of the pain you have disappear, just seeing him smile makes me smile, and those eyes......

I can sink into them...

"I hope that you're not going to cry, I just don't have any toilet paper to wipe your tears." I hit him on the shoulder "shut up idiot" I laughed with him as I turned to face the group that was already leaving while their music was still playing.

" Y/n, I...um " I was waiting for him to finish what he was saying while maintaining my attention on the group. " you are what? Stupid? Yes, I agree " suddenly it became quiet,he didn't say anything after that.

I looked at him, hoping he wasn't offended, even though we tease each other all the time, so there's no reason for that. right?

"Are you all right?" I asked, confused by the silence, he wasn't responding to my question, so I glanced in the direction his gaze was going and noticed that he was playing with his rings.

His curly hair hid his face a little,So I couldn't see him.

" Eddie ? "

Fan fact: I wrote this about someone that I used to like, he drove to my city to meet me, and we went to some beautiful park and we were enjoying our time togther, yeah stuff wern't excactly as I wrote in the ff , but.... lets say that we did had our moments....but heck we are not even talking anymore lol.

anyways I liked the way I wrote this so I changed it a bit and made it a fanfic I guess @-@

[angelhwajoong]

Title: Rule No. 1

Chapter 3

Seonghwa blinked, trying to process what Hongjoong had just asked him. He swallowed his food and burst out laughing, shaking his head. "You're kidding me, Joong. What did he say?"

"Hwa ... I'm serious, if you don't believe me, call him and ask him yourself." Hongjoong spoke and took the plate from Seonghwa because his expression was changing into one of disbelief and fear. He set the plate down and pulled him into a soothing hug. "We don't know anything yet. Let's not jump to conclusions. Do you have one or want me to get one?"

"I don't have any .. I mean, Joongie... you are an angel and I am a vampire. That shouldn't be possible at all. It's probably just a flu or something?" But Seonghwa's voice didn't sound very confident. He didn't seem to believe himself. Hongjoong kissed his head and stood up.

"I'll go get one from the supermarket around the corner. Do you need anything else?" Even though, the vampire was scared, he was eyeing the pizza and clicked his tongue. Hongjoong couldn't help but chuckle and nodded, understanding. There was a pizza restaurant on the way. It also took off his mind a little. After all he thought the same as Seonghwa but San had been certain. He pressed another kiss on his lips and walked towards the door, taking one of Seonghwa's scarfs to hide his bite marks. No one would notice that he was an archangel but he rather played safe than risk anything. "I'll be quick, babe."

Seonghwa hummed and tried to calm himself down with the leftover slice of Hongjoong's pizza. He was the heir of their family business, Hongjoong had his own duties to take care of. His family was going to kill him. How would he explain this to his parents and moreover tell them who the father was. He couldn't even lie and say it was a one night stand because if he was really pregnant with Hongjoong's child, he'd never be able to get rid of it as his parents would demand. Although keeping it would be a huge risk and were they even mature enough to raise a child? He didn't even question whether Hongjoong would raise it with him because he was 100% sure that he would. But he knew that Hongjoong was worrying about his health, about the people around them to find out and his safety.

After finishing the pizza, he stood up with a sigh and filled a bottle with water. He'd empty it by the time Hongjoong got back. He wanted to get over with it fast. By the time, the scent of pizza filled his nostrils, Seonghwa had finished half if the bottle, though. His throat went dry as Hongjoong came through the door and he quickly took a few more gulps. He was feeling the need to use the toilet already, good.

"Hwa, sweetheart, I'm back. Did you know there are pregnancy tests especially for vampires? Apparently you guys need more sensitive tests." Hongjoong explained with surprise in his voice and put the pizza on the table - he got a huge one. Who was supposed to eat this monster? He was also holding a decent bag which Seonghwa just had to snatch away. When he looked inside, he saw at least 5 pregnancy tests, chocolate, tissues, his favourite face masks and candles. He looked at his boyfriend with a quivering bottom lip.

"To make sure the result is right. No matter what the result is, some chocolate for comfort, human food seems fine for you today so you will experience comfort food. Tissues in case you need to cry, I wasn't sure if you still had some at home. Your favourite face mask to make you relax and some candles for the mood." Hongjoong explained and was attacked with a tight hug. He coughed dramatically and cleared his throat. "I love you, too, Hwa but that's a little too tight."

Seonghwa quickly let go and tried to say something but the lump in his throat was too big, so he pointed to his throat and made an x sign with his fingers. Instead he cupped Hongjoong's face and kissed his lips to show him his gratitude. Then he took one of the tests and pulled Hongjoong with him. He stopped at the kitchen to get a paper cup and then walked to the bathroom.

"Let me give you some privacy, babe." Hongjoong spoke softly as he stopped in front of the bathroom. They didn't mind being in the bathroom together when one of them had to pee but this felt kind of intimate? Seonghwa pouted but nodded before entering and closing the door behind him. He did his business into the cup and dipped the pregnancy test before placing it on the sink and getting rid of the liquid and the paper cup. It wasn't his first pregnancy test. Now they had to wait for 3 minutes.

"Everything alright in there?" Hongjoong asked and Seonghwa opened the door. He nodded and had a worried expression on his face as he hugged his boyfriend and exhaled deeply. Hongjoong kissed his neck gently. "No matter what, I'll stay with you, Seonghwa."

"I want pizza ... I'm still hungry ..." Seonghwa whispered with a raspy voice and Hongjoong had to hold back his laughter. They could as well spend the waiting time with food. He pulled Seonghwa back to the living room and sat down on th sofa, pulling him in his lap. He opened the pizza box and took a slice to feed the vampire. Why did it look so adorable with his big eyes and those fangs when he ate, though? Hongjoong took a slice as well and ate happily, he had been hungry since he left but he didn't want to tell Seonghwa, not wanting him to feel guilty for eating the rest of his pizza.

The arch angel had almost forgotten about the test because he was so busy eating and feeding his vampire if it wasn't for the latter tugging on his shirt after they were half through the pizza. Hongjoong swallowed and stood up with him ro go back to the bathroom. Seonghwa looked at him, wanting the other to check instead of himself. The archangel gave him a reassuring smile and nodded, stepping inside to take a look. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt as if someone was suffocating him. Was he going to become a dad?

Hongjoong came out, chewing on his lips as he looked down and had his hands behind his back. He looked at Seonghwa and tilted his head, seemingly unsure what to express. Then his lips curled up into a smile and he held the pregnancy test up for Seonghwa to see. "We are going to be parents!"

Seonghwa's mouth stood agape and tears burnt in his eyes which caused Hongjoong's expression to change. He looked at him worriedly and was about to say something as the vampire hugged him tightly and started sobbing into his shoulder. "A-are we even ready to t-take care of a mini version of us?"

Hongjoong exhaled a deep breath that he didn't know he had held. He was already afraid that Seonghwa might not want to keep the pregnancy. Of course, there was a lot to discuss and prepare, but the image of a mini Seonghwa running around them was adorable. "Why shouldn't we? Yes, we are still young but there is never the perfect timing. We can do that and you will be a wonderful mom."

"You think so?" Seonghwa sniffed and looked at his boyfriend with teary eyes. Hongjoong looked at him so lovingly that he was about to burst into a new set of tears and then he even kissed his lips that were wet with tears. How did he find this amazing man? The archangel nodded and placed another kiss on his lips and then on both of his cheeks, his forehead and even his wet nose, which made Seonghwa cringe. "Joongie... I cried like a baby just now, that's disgusting."

"Hwa ... are you serious? I even sit next to you and hold your hair when you throw up. I think we are past that stage." Hongjoong chuckled and the vampire just grumbled something under his breath. "Let me call San for an appointment. I trust him but he doesn't know that you are my boyfriend. I didnt want too many people to know, it's risky."

Seonghwa nodded and broke the hug, following Hongjoong back to the living room where they sat down. While Hongjoong made the phone call, the vampire grabbed a slice of pizza and took his phone to dial Minho's phone number. Hongjoong hung up after 2 minutes and nodded.

"We can visit right away. His clinic is half an hour by taxi. Wanna eat up and then leave?" Seonghwa nodded, chewing happily on his slice. He was amazed and happy that he was able to eat this delicious stuff. Hongjoong smiled wide and patted his head gently. It was so cute to see him like that. They should focus on the positive things for now. Hongjoong would worry about their parents later.

When Seonghwa was filled they both got ready to leave. Hongjoong adjusted the scarf to hide his bite marks and checked his hair, while Seonghwa checked his full appearance in the mirror, especially if he had put on any weight already. "Babe, you're handsome and beautiful the way you are and no, you did not gain weight yet. Even if you do, there is nothing that can damage your beauty."

Seonghwa looked at him with a straight face but he could see tears threatening to spill and he quickly hugged the vampire and spread tiny kisses over his face. "No, no, no. Don't cry, my little bunny. I will shut up, okay?"

"It's just so much today. I'm pregnant and then you are here, my way too amazing boyfriend and I do believe you every single word when you say such things. They are not just to make me feel better and I'm just so grateful to have you." Seonghwa rambled quickly and squeezed Hongjoong lightly before letting go and wiping his tiny tears. "Let's go."

"Oh, wait- I forgot to give Minho a call." Seonghwa fished his phone out and called their friend. "Minho-yah~ I'm sorry, I'll have to cancel dinner. I'm on my way to the doctor with Hongjoongie... oh nothing serious, I will tell you guys when I'm back... yes, talk to you later."

"I already called a taxi, should be here in 5 minutes according to the app." Hongjoong smiled and took Seonghwa's hand as they left the apartment together. Both of them had a strange but positive feeling in their belly.

Half an hour later the couple arrived in front of the private clinic and San was already waiting for them at the entrance. The doctor bowed lightly and gave Hongjoong a handshake. He was well-built with wide shoulders and a buff chest and arms. He had sharp facial features and wore a pair of black framed glasses. "You're lucky, I have a free spot. The clinic was packed today, you wouldn't believe it."

"Good for u- my friend's boyfriend. He's been sick for a few days, can't drink blood packs but suddenly can eat human food. The test was very clear but we thought its better to get it checked out by a professional." Hongjoong and Seonghwa had agreed to keep their relationship a secret in front of the doctor even though he was Hongjoong's friend. "My friend had to take care of his sick mother that's why I offered to accompany Seonghwa."

Hongjoong gritted his teeth as he got elbowed by his boyfriend who gave him a subtle death glare. Okay, maybe that was a bit too much. They followed San to one of the rooms, passing a few couples on the way who appeared to be expecting as well. San was running a gynaecological clinic and seemingly seeing anyone regardless of race - seemed like a good guy.

They entered the room and San closed the door, signaling Seonghwa to take a seat next to the ultra sound. He disinfected his hands and took a pair of gloves as he sat next to Seonghwa who laid down and cleared his throat as he lifted his shirt, revealing his toned stomach. Hongjoong sat on a chair at the end of the doctor's couch and looked at his boyfriend with pursed lips. San didn't say much so far and put the cold gel on Seonghwa's stomach. The vampire didn't flinch at all.

"Okay, let's see what we have here. You said these symptoms are running for a few days? Nothing unusual before that?" San asked while checking the screen and moving the ultrasound device. Seonghwa shook his head no. "Found the sweethearts. Let me see which week you are. Since you are a very athletic and toned man, it may take a while until you will actually start showing. But if you feed them well, they might grow in no time as well. No excessive sports from now on. Some light training to keep in shape isn't wrong or harmful, though."

"Th-them?" It came in unison from both Seonghwa and Hongjoong and Seonghwa stared with wide eyes and an open mouth at his boyfriend. San looked at them with a smile and nodded. He pointed to the two little strawberry sized embryos on the screen.

"I assume it is about the 10th week. Two babies, it's very clear. Congrats on parenthood. But Hongjoong, I will be honest with you ... I never had a mixed race pregnancy in this clinic before and I also don't know of any case of angel and vampire ..." San sighed as he looked at him and then at Seonghwa. "I suggest you to be careful and listen to what your body says. Closely. It will know best what your babies need. About the gender, I can't tell yet, they are not in the right position."

"How ..." Hongjoong started but San just smiled at him. So they had been obvious. "We didn't want many people to know about us. I hope you understand. But ... this pregnancy can't be dangerous for Hwa, right? He can drink my blood, he's only getting sick from blood packs, not from my blood."

"Don't worry, you two. I need to protect my own kind, right?" San expanded his fangs for a moment for Seonghwa to see who visibly relaxed. "We can't control our love and even I can feel your deep connection with each other. Those rules reach far back into the past and we have to become more modern. I'm sure this is also a reason why you were able to get pregnant, Seonghwa."

San handed Seonghwa some tissues to wipe himself clean and rolled aside with his chair so Hongjoong could sit beside his boyfriend. He watched them hug and whisper things to each other, his own face adorned by a bright smile. "I'll have you registered as my patient and list the father as unknown as precaution. I don't want you to be at risk. I do trust my employees but better be safe than sorry."

The couple looked at San with a smile but teary eyes. Hongjoong spoke up for them. "Thank you. I don't know what to say."

"No need to. Seeing you two looking forward to become parents is why I love this job." San spoke and his voice sounded sincere. "Seonghwa, I'll prescribe you some vitamins and other supplements. If you notice any side effects, give me a call. Hongjoong has my private phone number. If you two need protection at some point because you think you are in danger, I have connections and vacation apartments here and there."

"Thank you so much." Seonghwa spoke and sniffed softly at so much love they received. He placed a hand in his stomach and looked at Hongjoong. They didn't expect two at all, but they would manage it nevertheless.

[serenatheseraph]

lucifer battles for florida charmin toilet paper

So I made this (couldn’t find the human world Lucifer that was already transparent and I’m too lazy to edit clean like that anymore so deal with it)

I’m rooting for mephistopheles but I feel he won’t win. 😭

Thirteen: What are you doing here Solomon!

Solomon: *pushing a cart filled with mechanical repair things like wrench’s and a lot of stuff saying “fixes washing machine” blah blah and of course the detergent he needed*

Solomon: Trying to make sure Purgatory Hall still gets clean clothes…?

Thirteen: Ah I don’t care…but why’s purgatory hall altogether here!

Solomon: I didn’t take them with—

(Behind the bikes there were three sets of familiar blue eyes slightly declining in height through the small cracks you could see)

Solomon: Me. Get over here you three.

Luke: Hey! I didn’t even want to come here…he did! *points to Raphael*

Raphael: MC always talks about this Florida so I wanted to come also.

Simeon: And I do too!

Thirteen: Oh boy…lemme guess you came mainly so Raphael doesn’t fuck anything up?

Luke: Language!

Simeon: *Stares at Raphael who’s now emptily staring over at the office supplies across from them and then back at Thirteen and nervously nods*

Raphael: I could see that in the corner of my eye.

Mephistopheles: Are me and Lucifer suddenly just specs to you, Thirteen! When will we get this competition going?

Lucifer: Calm down, Mephistopheles, you may make this all much more foolish than it already is.

Mephistopheles: Says the same demon who shouted at the sight of seeing absolutely no charmin like a little girl!

Lucifer: I’m sorry, I’m not the same person who ran around Walmart in stilettos!

Mephistopheles: Why you…

[Out of literal no where a portal opened and Lord Diavolo, Barbatos, and Beelzebub came out. Lord Diavolo having his swimsuit on (with actual pants) and same for Barbatos] Diavolo: Hellooo Lucifer!~

Mephistopheles: And Mephistopheles!

Diavolo: Of course. Hello to you also Mephisto!

Luke: Hello, Lord Diavolo!

Barbatos: What are you all doing here?

Lucifer: Well. *inhale* Mephistopheles’ wanted to cause drama.

Mephistopheles: Me?! I saw that charmin first!

Lucifer: You and the lice in your hair!

Mephistopheles: How dare you!

Beelzebub: Why do you respond so generic…

Simeon: Why are you two fighting for toilet paper…

Solomon: Because humans are shitting more during the lockdown and there’s only one charmin in this whole Walmart.

Raphael: Pardon?

Luke: He means that all of a sudden people need to use the bathroom two times more than before.

Raphael: Humans are so strange.

Beelzebub: I second that.

Thirteen: Anyways. The first challenge is to get someone to help you get something out of one of the locked cabinets.

Lucifer: You mean all of the shelves? Their all locked!

Thirteen: Not from the cabinets out here I mean in the beauty section.

Mephistopheles: But they take literal hours getting over to the beauty section, even the person at the cashier register there!

Thirteen: You want charmin or no?

Lucifer and Mephistopheles: Y e s.

(They both race over to the beauty section, the rest of them following. Mammon on the other hand was stuck on the top shelf of the toilet paper)

Mammon: Help...guys?

Raphael: *looks up and sees Mammon, but decides to just walk away*

Mammon: RAPHAEL PLEASE!

Simeon: Who's doing all that yelling? They sound like Mammon!

Raphael: No one important.

Mammon's trust in Raphael: 💔

Thirteen: Anyways. Hope you guys have fun *pulls out popcorn and foldable chair*

Diavolo: I'm so glad I decided to come here, this is so fascinating!

Raphael: They're just repeatedly pressing the assistance needed button.

Diavolo: So intriguing.

Raphael: 💀

(Mephistopheles was standing at that one aisle thats legit right by the cashier buzzing the button while Lucifer was in the one before that, where the moisturizer cream stuff be at usually)

Little kid: Mom whys that guy pressing the button when the cashier is right there.

Mother of said kid: I don't know, Jimmy, but don't look at him.

Mephistopheles: Huh?!

Lucifer (other side of the wall): Haha.

Some other little kid: Woah sir your doing this for charmin?

Lucifer: Yes...sadly.

Some other little kid: I'd say what would you do for a tootsie pop but dang!

Lucifer: 💀

(Eventually after 2 hrs of waiting someone came to Lucifer)

Employee 1: Hey there sir what do you need?

Lucifer: ...My dignity and charmin.

Employee 1: What-?

Lucifer: A break.

Employee 1: Wh-

Mephistopheles: *storms over there* HEY! Your supposed to come to me first before Thirteen notice-

Thirteen: One point for Lucifer!

Mephistopheles: GOD DAMMIT LUCIFER!

Lucifer: Why are we in the garden section when it's 12 am.

Thirteen: I wanted yalls to find the biggest bird.

Solomon: That's a joke right.

Thirteen:

Solomon: RIGHT?!

Diavolo: *hiding on those high ass shelves somehow* Hehe they'll never figure out im the actual big bird *has big bird costume on*

Beelzebub: If their finding a bird wouldn’t it be inside by the poultry?

Thirteen: An alive big bird.

Beelzebub: Ooohhhh

Mephistopheles: But I’m wearing my favorite tie!

Thirteen: You want charmin or no.

Lucifer: He doesn’t he’s indecisive.

Mephistopheles: EVERYTHING I DO IS FOR DIAVOLO SO I DO WANT IT.

Lucifer: God dammit.

Luke: What type of bird lives in the garden section of Walmart.

Thirteen: The biggest bird.

(Diavolo seemed to have forgotten he needs to be quiet to not be seen so they could hear his goofy ass laughter echo in the many rows of garden shit)

Mephistopheles: Lord Diavolo is the biggest bird?

Thirteen: I wish Lord Diavolo could have kept quiet for longer.

Lucifer: Say goodbye to the charmin, Mephistopheles. *Lucifer soon jetted off looking through the shelves*

Mephistopheles: Oh no you don't! *Just picture this man struggling with those stilettos*

Luke: All for charmin.

Raphael: All for charmin. 💀

(Soon these idiots were tied 45-45)

Mephistopheles: Certainly I deserve charmin right?

Lucifer: I think we all can agree he can just buy rich people toilet paper.

Lord Diavolo: I can buy it for--

Lucifer: No.

Thirteen: If any of ya two can get the charmin first it's all his.

Mammon: YALL AIN'T GETTING THE CHARMIN!

(They all turn and see Mammon at the bike stand thing--holding the charmin)

Mephistopheles: You put that down, idiot!

Lucifer: You'll make him hold onto it, fool.

Lucifer: MAMMOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN PUT THAT DOWN AND GIVE IT TO ME BEFORE I STRING YOU UP FOR THE NEXT FIVE CENTURIES!

Mammon: 💀Nah.

Raphael: Give it to me, Mammon. Now.

Mammon: No >:c

Solomon: Why can't we just go somewhere else for charmin.

Mephistopheles and Lucifer: THIS IS A BATTLE BETWEEN US NOT YOU, HUMAN!

Solomon: Tsk. Okay.

Beelzebub: Hey is that MC.

Everyone but Beelzebub: WHERE?!

Beelzebub: False alarm...where'd the charmin go, Mammon?

*Somehow it sjust fucking gone*

Mammon: WHAT?!

you'll never know what happened cause i didnt have the balls to finish this >:)

[fangirlstorycreator]

Max Parish X Reader

Context: Max has been pranking you recently, so you get him back, while hes at work in the police station 😂💚

Even though you and Max were boyfriend and girlfriend, you still played pranks on eachother like you did when you were bestfriends. Recently, Max had been pushing his luck, throughout the police station. Everyone was getting annoyed at him, and you decided to try and give him some payback.

You had spoken to the other men in the station and told them your idea, and you said where the normal toilet paper was hiding so they could use it, and Max would get the prank one. Max came in 20 minutes later, and carried on with his usual routine, and you smiled with the other officers, all of you knowing what would soon happen. About an hour later, Max makes his way to the bathroom, and you let out a little giggle in anticipation. Everything was quiet....until....

"Hey! What the hell?!" Comes Max's voice from the bathroom. Everyone in the station starts laughing, loving that the prank worked. "Hey guys! Who the hell did this?! Come on! This isnt funny!" Laughing to yourself, you lean against the outside of the bathroom door so he can hear you better. "Oh are you sure it isnt funny? Because lots of people are laughing out hear" "Uugghh! Of course it was you wasnt it babe! Seriously?! Where is the real toilet roll?" You look to your work colleagues, who are struggling to stop giggling, and have a little think. "Hmmm? I suppose I could give you the toilet roll.....for a price" "You have got to be kidding me?!" "Nope. Just think of it as payback for all the pranks your have played recently. Like when you pranked Joe and made him smash his mug?"

"Hey hey that was an accident! I only wanted to scare him" "And the time you filled Adam's desk with bbq sauce?" "But he deserved it!" Adam hears this and shouts out to Max. "Screw you Parish!" So you then tell Max what you want. "If you want the toilet roll, you'll have to pay for it. $5, per sheet!" "Are you kidding me?!" "Come on babe, I dont see any other way out of there without paying?" You hear him grumble, and pull out his wallet. He then slips $20 under the door for you to pick up. "There, are you happy? Now give me some toilet roll" You smirk to yourself, then tell him "Oh sure no problem....just as soon as we get back from the coffee place around the corner" "What?! You said if I paid you, you would give me the toilet paper!" "Oh I know I said that. But I never specified "when" I would give it to you. See you in a little while babe" You and your colleagues chat and giggle as you leave the station. "Oh! You are so paying for that!"

[lab-trash]

Spin-Centric (Trans Spin Fic)

This may be emotional for you if you're trans; just a warning. Like, I'm pretty sure I wrote this when I was feeling particularly masc and dysphoric.

After leaving the bionic army, Spin learned more about things that were considered feminine and masculine. 

Dancing? Feminine. Sports? Masculine. Long hair? Feminine. Short hair? Masculine.

He caught on pretty fast. And the stereotypes didn’t stop with hobbies and style, it also applied to other things. Bodies. 

To anyone else, they’d consider Spin’s body to be feminine. He was little and pathetic and just a little curvier than other guys. That and the fact that he was, what was the term? AFAB. 

It made him feel awful. The first time he went out into the real world, he was asked ‘Oh my goodness, are you lost little girl?’ and his world shattered. 

But everyone else in the bionic academy knew he was a boy. He said he was a boy, and that’s all they need. Plus, it’s not like they’d seen his body, and even if they did, he was so young that he hadn’t started developing yet.

So he usually didn’t have to deal with it. 

Until Leo Dooley. 

Stupid Dooley’s first comment about the one thing that Spin was happy with (his bionic abilities) was that he twirled, like a ballerina, like a girl. 

He didn’t let it show, but that hurt him to the core, even though he knew it shouldn’t have. 

After that, the only reason he used his spinning ability was to show up Leo. The only reason he spun was to make Leo upset. It didn’t matter that once he started spinning, he also started crying. Because the tears would fly off and once he was done spinning, no one was the wiser. 

After a while, he ignored it. He ignored his body, he didn’t shower, he almost never got changed and he always found a way to get out of any physicals that they were holding. 

But he couldn’t really ignore his body anymore when he woke up from excruciating pain in his lower stomach. Later, when he used the restroom, he found blood in his underwear. He didn’t know what was happening, but it was strange and concerning. 

He used some toilet paper to clean up the blood as well as he could and went on his way, trying to ignore it as much as he could. During training though, it was hard. Because it hurt his stomach too much to stand. He’d sit in the corner with his knees pressed to his chest because he figured out it was the least painful way to sit. 

He was mostly unnoticed, as he was short. But someone noticed. Leo Dooley. Stupid Dooley. 

“Where’s Spin?” He asked Bree. “Did he give up on training til he hits puberty?” He asked with a laugh. Spin didn’t know what puberty was. Bree pointed to Spin, who was still sitting against the wall, hugging his knees. “What’s wrong with him?”

“I dunno. He’s been sitting there since we started training, I didn’t think to ask.” 

Leo walked over to him, followed by Bree. 

“Dude, why are you just sitting there?” Leo asked. “You usually don’t shy away from trying to show everyone else up.”

“I feel like I’m being stabbed,” Spin replied weakly.

“What?” Leo asked. “Where? Why? When?” If Spin didn’t know any better, he’d think Leo was concerned, but he did know better. Despite that, he moved his legs down and pressed against his lower stomach. 

“Right here. I don’t know why, and since this morning when I woke up.”

“Maybe we should get you over to the infirmary,” Bree suggested, squatting down, starting to try to help Spin up. 

“Yeah, we should also look at the bleeding,” He said, getting up. 

“Bleeding?!” Leo asked, reaching toward Spin's stomach before being slapped away. “You’re not bleeding,” He said. 

“Not there,” Spin said, annoyed. 

“Oh,” Bree said. “I… huh, wait, that makes no sense,” She said, confused. 

“Yeah, I know, bleeding isn’t really normal,” Spin said. “I’m pretty sure people don’t just wake up bleeding.”

“Well, guys don’t,” She said with a laugh. Leo laughed weakly, getting the joke, but not being the right audience for it. But Spin felt like crying because of it. So much so that his eyes did start watering, but he just blinked it away. “Woah, Spin, are you okay?” Bree asked. “I was joking, you know about periods,” She said nervously. “Haha, funny, monthly pain,” She said.

“What?” Spin croaked, extremely confused. “What the hell’s a period?” He asked. Leo laughed nervously and started backing away. 

“Welp, I don’t wanna be here for this conversation. Good luck, Bree,” He said. He patted her shoulder before dashing off to join Adam in some sort of bro-down. Bree rolled her eyes. 

“Here, I’ll tell you while we walk to the infirmary,” She said, motioning for Spin to start walking with her, and he did. 

They got a few steps away from everyone else before Bree spoke up again. 

“So, uh, once a month, us girls get this thing called a period,” She said awkwardly. “We bleed out of our uh,” She motioned downward, “And get really bad cramps and generally feel like death. Comes with mood swings too, super fun,” She said sarcastically. 

“That sounds like what I’m going through,” Spin said with a weak laugh. ‘Us girls.’

“Oh,” Bree said, turning to walk into the infirmary. “I thought you were a guy,” She said, motioning for Spin to sit up on the gurney. 

“I am a guy,” Spin managed to get out, his voice cracking badly, feeling like crying. 

“Woah, Spin, it’s okay,” She said. “Are you okay?”

“No,” He said quietly. She took a deep breath. 

“Okay, I’m going to ask you something really really weird, but just… go with it, okay?” She requested. Spin looked taken back, so Bree quickly tacked on “It might help figure out what’s wrong.”

“Okay,” He said quietly. 

“Do you or do you not have, a uh…” She cleared her throat. “A wang?” She asked quietly, her voice squeaking. 

“A what?” Spin asked. 

“Like, a dick,” She said, getting to the point. Spin shifted nervously in his seat. 

“Uh…” He started quietly. “No,” He mumbled. 

“Oh,” Bree said. “Okay,” She said. “Well, uh, I can help with what’s going on then, because it’s probably a period,” She said with a nervous laugh. “And I don’t have to tell anyone else if you don’t want me to,” She said. 

“Please don’t,” Spin whimpered.

“Okay, I won’t,” She said. “It’ll be our little secret. I’ll help you with the period stuff, don’t worry. And you don’t have to train for the week if you’re not feeling up to it,” She said. 

“The week?” Spin asked, confused. 

“Yeah, it uh,” She cleared her throat. “This lasts all week,” She said. Spin finally broke. He started crying. This pain, this discomfort, this dysphoria. All week. Bree wrapped her arms around Spin, which did help a bit. “It’s okay, Spin,” She said. “This dumb thing, it doesn’t make you any less of a man,” She said. “And I’ll help you through it.”

“Thanks, Bree,” He said as she pulled away. 

“I don’t know a lot about trans people, but I’ll do some research and come back with anything I think might be helpful,” She said. Spin tilted his head. 

“What’s a trans person?”

“A trans person is someone like you,” She said. “Like, born in the wrong body. You’re a guy, but you were born in a ‘female’ body,” She said, using air quotes. “There are plenty of people like you, don’t worry,” She said. “And there’s nothing wrong with it. And there are ways to deal with it.”

“Okay,” Spin said quietly. “I’m sorry,” He said. “I don’t mean to inconvenience you,” He said. Bree sighed with a small, lighthearted laugh. 

“Aw, Spin!” She said, ruffling his hair. “You’re not inconveniencing me,” She said. “I’m your mentor, and I want to help,” She said genuinely. “I’m happy to help. And I’ll keep your secret, don’t worry. You don’t have to tell people if you don’t want to,” She said again.

“I don’t want to,” Spin said. “Thanks, Bree.”

“Of course."

[musekicker]

Beef finds another in the line of annoying holiday singing decorations.

It was just the first of November but the holiday decorations were already out. As seemed to be the way earlier and earlier each year. The Tobin family were not here for holidays decorations though. Many of them were here for the cheaper day after Halloween candy. Moon had made that a demand for this to be a tradition after every Halloween.

Beef had wandered off to look for batteries. That's when Beef heard it. 

A different song, the same sort of voice that Beef had heard from two old decorations before. Only somehow even more annoying. With dread, Beef followed the song, finding the source just as the song ended.

It was the same company that had made the likes of Skanky and Sleezy. Instead of a S beginning name the thing was named Rod. Rod the reindeer. The name did not quite match the theme that Skanky and Sleezy had. But the thing itself absolutely fit into the family of holiday decor that they had been from in physical form.

Rod oddly was made with big pectoral muscles. Big enough that even the likes of a professional wrestler would be jealous. The word for this things build was buff. Rod had a little outfit too. A jolly looking pair of red and green pants and a red vest. The vest was covered with little bells. The bells jingled a bit each time Rod moved. Which with how erratically it moved that was

He knew one important thing about Rod the reindeer.

That there was no way that his family could see this thing. If they did they would demand that it would become a part of their yearly holiday decorations around the house. And even though Beef had opened up about his problems with Skanky last year, it did not mean he wanted the likes of Rod in his house.

Beef was not proud of himself. But he had to attempt it. he was going to hide Rod. The space behind the twelve roll packs of toilet paper seemed like the best place to hide Rod. He looked left... then right. Not seeing anyone, Beef moved to hide Rod. But then, disaster. In trying to place Rod, his thumb pressed against the play me button.

"Happy holidays!" Rod called out.

"Shhh." Beef told Rod.

Rod, only a holiday decoration, had no will to be silent or not. That did not stop Beef from feeling like it was personal when Rod let out what seemed to be a louder then normal "Have a rocking holiday!" and started to sing a off brand holiday based version of the song "Rock Around the Clock."

After what felt like longer then the thirty seconds the song played, Rod went inert once more. Just in time for Beef to hear his family talking and starting around the corner of the aisle he was standing in.

Beef was trapped.

"Dad? Why are you hiding by the off brand toys and toilet paper?" Ham asked.

Beef thought that maybe, for one brief moment he could come up with a good excuse. Or even some sort of distraction.

"I was... um, looking to see if there are any new low price but high entertainment value tapes that would fit well for many a family movie night." Beef said.

For a moment it looked like maybe his family would believe the excuse and move on. But then Moon, ever observant noticed that Beef was hiding something behind his back.

"What is that?" Moon asked, straining his neck to try and see around Beef to see what he was hiding.

"What is what.. oh, you mean that really good sale on batteries sign behind me?" Beef said.

Wolf was the only one to glance at the batteries sign.

"Oh! That is a good battery sale!" Wolf noted.

"We weren't talking about battery sales dad. We were talking about what you're clearly trying to hide behind your back." Judy said.

"Come on dad. Show us what you found." Ham said.

"Uhh, well you see..." Beef said.

He looked out of the corner of his eyes, looking for a possible escape route. But there was no getting out of this. Even if he tried to run Moon was fast and might possibly be able to take down a running person. There was no more hiding Rod. So with no other choice Beef brought the decoration in front of him. There wasn't that look of enchantment as the kids had had with Skanky. Not yet. Maybe Rod would not be as interesting to them as Skanky and Sleazy had been.

But then Wolf was the one to push the button. And Rod once again broke out into it's version of rock around the clock, the jingle bells as background. Now there was that enchantment. The kids were all gathered around Beef and the decoration now.

"I love it! We need to buy and bring Rod the reindeer home with us immediately." Wolf said.

The joy in his children's faces was the only thing that was keeping Beef from throwing the hideous decoration down the aisle and running. Beef cursed himself silently for not having found the thing sooner and hidden it.

Though the kids were happy, Honeybee was the only one who did not look very happy about the existence of Rod. At least there was one person that was on Beef's side on how much this thing was a abomination.

Honeybee leaned in to look Rod right in the face, pointing a finger at it.

"You can stay." Honeybee told Rod. "But only out during the holiday season you hear me? The moment it's December twenty-sixth , bam! Back to the decorations storage."

"Aw. He can't stay out even until the first of January?" Wolf asked.

"No." Honeybee said.

Wolf sighed but easily relented.

"Fair enough."

With Rod now in the shopping cart, the kids headed towards the cash register. Honeybee stood back a bit so she and Beef were close enough that she could whisper.

"Don't worry. I got Wolf a Shrek ornament that says get out of my swamp and farts. He's going to forget all about Rod after this." Honeybee said.

Beef nodded at this.

"A farting ogre decoration would be preferable to Rod, I'll admit."

It was just a week until Christmas. Beef would just have to possibly have to deal with Rod for one week.

He hoped he could make it with out throwing it in the river.

[jodilinbio]

The night I panicked, I practically fell against the chain-link fence surrounding the desk where Officer Rule sat. Something must have wanted me to live that night, because I’d thrown myself at the right DO. Anyone else might not have given a damn.

“I’m going to kill myself or do something very stupid if I don’t get the hell out of here! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t!” I wailed, hysterically.

Without a word, Rule reached for the phone, dialed Medical, and told them what I’d said. Then she stood up and motioned for me to follow her. She led me to Medical, where I poured my entire sob story out to an older nurse.

“I can’t work because I just can’t sleep in that zoo. It’s like trying to sleep in the middle of a circus! Besides, I have a problem with working for free and an even bigger one when it’s for the very system that screwed me over.”

“Then you’ll be locked down and on restriction,” the nurse said dubiously.

“So be it then. I have no choice. I simply can’t do what I can’t do, and I can’t work without sleep. Plus I’m gagging on cigarette smoke. You know they smuggle that shit in there all the time, and you know I’m asthmatic.”

Though it seemed rather ridiculous, I signed an agreement promising not to hurt myself. I mean, what were they going to do if I actually killed myself? Charge my corpse with suicide? Then again, I wouldn’t put it past that state to try such a thing!

“Officer Armstrong is here to take you to A Tower,” the nurse told me on my way out.

Then Rule told me to wait a minute while she pulled Armstrong aside in the hallway. I couldn’t hear what they said, but by the way Armstrong glanced at me a few times, I assumed they were talking about me. When they finished, Armstrong went in the opposite direction, and Rule turned toward me. In a conspiratorial tone, she informed me there was another option.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Ad-Seg.”

“Ad-Seg?”

“Administrative Segregation. It’s like protective custody. You’ll still be locked down twenty-three hours a day, but this way, you’ll only have up to two cellmates, and you’ll be able to keep your privileges like visitation and commissary rights.”

“Oh, that’d be nice. I’d hate to not be able to see my husband over this.”

“We’ll have you fill out a form, but you have to be very careful about how you word it. You have to tell them you fear for your safety. Use the smoking to your advantage. Tell them you snitched because of your asthma.”

We returned to the tents, where I filled out the Ad-Seg form. Then she took me back to my tent to retrieve my few precious belongings before escorting me to A Tower.

A Tower held one hundred and thirty inmates. There were four pods surrounding the tower. Two of the pods were general population, one housed the chain gang, and the other was for both desegregation and Ad-Seg inmates because both were only allowed out of their cells for one hour a day.

Each pod had fifteen cells. The pod I was in was the only one with an extra set of bunk beds in its cells. They put up to three people in these cells. The cells were about eight by twelve, with nothing more than a small metal table bolted to the wall, a small metal stool bolted to the floor, and a toilet. The back wall had a narrow strip of a window near the ceiling.

In the dayroom, there were tables, two shower stalls, and some payphones. A camera sat high on the wall, aimed at the main section of the room.

Although the DOs walked through each pod every fifteen minutes, inmates got most of the things they needed, like soap and toilet paper, through the trustees on their hour out.

A Tower had plenty of mice, and I’d drop little pieces of bread for them late at night. Tom found it kind of funny when I told him that a mouse once ate a corner of a candy bar I had stashed at the head of my bunk. I had just been about to nod off to sleep when I heard papers rustling by my head. I fumbled through my stuff but never did see the mouse responsible. The next day, I discovered the nibbled candy. I simply broke off where the mouse had chewed, then split the rest with my celly.

M Dorm, where I spent most of my sentence, was much smaller, cleaner, and quieter. No mice there, unfortunately, since I loved the little cuties. M Dorm had an open area for drug offenders that held about thirty inmates, much smaller than the other dorms. The dorm also had two identical pods. One was for juveniles, the other for Ad-Seg. These pods only had five windowless cells. Two held four people, and three held two. I hated the big cells—not just because of the extra cellmates, but because of how exposed I felt in them. Bars were a thing of the past. Everything was now concrete, steel, and tempered glass. The big cells had glass doors and two glass windows, making me feel like I was in a giant display case with no privacy whatsoever. Being in a big cell also meant having to use the toilet in front of more people. The toilet could be seen perfectly from the tower. The small cells had just two strips of glass in their doors. All cells had metal desks with shelves and movable chairs on hinges.

The dorm, commonly referred to as “the princess dorm,” also had a dayroom in its pods with tables, payphones, and a shower room, though the pods were much smaller.

While I was in A Tower, I met with a therapist a few times. Her name was Kara. She was very supportive and encouraging, though like the others, she couldn’t do much to help me.

Somehow, I managed to sleep through most of the noise and commotion around me, though not very well. My usual sleeping hours were from around 2 a.m. to 10 a.m., but not without many interruptions in between. I usually slept in spurts and spent a lot of time being tired. Eventually, it caused me to catch my first cold in four years, another thing I could thank my abusers for. Breakfast came as early as 5 a.m., and then other things would wake me throughout the morning—uniform exchange, sheet exchange, underwear and towel exchange, hour outs, etc. Some cellies were harder to sleep with than others. Those who were up when I was asleep and weren’t very quiet or considerate made it harder to sleep.

When you’re told to “roll up,” it means you’re to gather your things to be moved to wherever they’re going to put you. One of the hardest things about being in jail was all the moving around they made us do. Just when I’d get comfortable with one celly (or two), I’d be moved to a new cell with new cellies. On top of missing Tom and home, being forced to interact with people constantly was the hardest thing. Having to interact with coworkers was one thing, but living with strangers was another. I felt so smothered, and not having any space or privacy sucked, even though I spent about two out of the six months I was there alone.

Another thing that was hard was having to use the toilet in front of others, and how so many of my cellmates would constantly beg for things. When it got out of hand, I wouldn’t hesitate to remind them they weren’t my responsibility. Although most of the inmates were just regular people like anyone else, there were also a lot of crazies in there. Sometimes, I felt more like I was in a mental hospital than a jail.

The showers were usually either ice cold or scalding hot.

During my hour out, I’d usually shower, sweep and mop my cell, get pencils sharpened, stock up on soap and other essentials, and call Tom, depending on the time of day. He was working day shifts at the time, so I couldn’t call him during the weekdays.

Since I was in Ad-Seg, I had closed-contact visits with Tom twice a week for half an hour to an hour, depending on how much time he signed up for. We had a total of an hour and a half each week. We sat in little rooms, not much bigger than phone booths, with a bulletproof window between us. It was hard not being able to hug him.

Helen, the therapist I had started seeing before my sentencing, stuck by me throughout everything. She sent cards and letters, even visiting me once. I received a few letters from Paula and a Chanukah card from Tom’s mom and sister. I wrote to them once or twice a month.

Luckily, I wasn’t on any life-saving medication, because if I had been, I’d be dead for sure. It took two weeks just to see a doctor. I was still using inhalers at the time and needed them for three to four years after quitting smoking. Sometimes, I’d get my inhalers on time, but more often, I had to fight for them.

We could request items through “tank” orders, medical tanks, and grievances. Tank orders were for things like library books, legal information, or Bibles. Medical tanks were for medical and psychological requests. Grievances, though, were mostly a waste of time. While inmates had the right to complain about the living conditions or the conduct of the DOs, a sergeant would always back the DOs. You could say a DO slapped you, threatened to kill you, or harassed you in any way, but they’d stand by them. Only after numerous complaints from multiple sources would anything possibly be done.

About a month into my sentence, I found out I was eligible for work furlough. I declined for several reasons. First, I didn’t have a job to go to in the city. Second, any money made went to the jail, and there was no way I was going to work for them. Third, I could barely sleep inside the jail, let alone in the tents, and I was too run down to work. Lastly, I knew it’d be too tempting to run if I was let out, and honestly, I would’ve done just that.

As I sat on my bunk, somewhere in the middle of my sentence, I thought back to the day I was sentenced. It felt like an eternity ago, as each month in jail seemed to drag on and be double in time.

Ratsy had died two days before my sentencing. He was two and a half years old, old for a rat. Our only remaining rat was Houdini, and rats need companionship. Rats loved to play together, just like kittens. So, the plan had been to stop and get a new rat and mouse on our way home from court, even though I had a bad feeling that day. But instead of going home with new pets, Tom went home with an empty passenger seat and two empty cages, thanks to the twisted events that followed.

Four months into my sentence, Tomasewski came to tell me that The Arizona Republic wanted to do an interview with me, but I quickly declined. I wasn’t about to be made a fool of again. They could say whatever they wanted about me. They could even call me a mass murderer, and I wouldn’t care, but I wasn’t going to assist them in making a spectacle out of me.

Tom regularly sent letters and pictures of himself and the animals. I avoided looking at them too much because they only made me break down in tears.

One day, I found myself wondering how Kim and Bob were doing. I hadn’t talked to them since we left Phoenix. I also wondered if any of my jailhouse experiences were similar to Bob’s time in prison.

I thought about Andy and how he once suggested I write novels in addition to journals.

“But what would I write about?” I had asked.

“I don’t know. A mystery, a romance, whatever. Maybe even a lesbian love story.”

So, we talked about me writing a story about a woman who gets framed and thrown into jail or prison, only to fall for a female guard who returns her feelings. At the time, I had no idea that the fantasy we concocted and that I put into print was about to become a reality. I never would’ve believed it if someone had told me this would happen!

My first cellmate was a 21-year-old named Kim, a proud member of the Aryan Brotherhood. However, she didn’t have an issue with Jews because she saw Judaism as a religion, not a race. Despite prioritizing drugs and gun-running over her own kids, Kim was surprisingly smart for someone her age.

When Kim told me most of the inmates were bisexual, I thought she was exaggerating. But as it turned out, all but a few of the 25 cellmates I had celled with had been with women at least once in their lives.

“Not bad for a hate symbol,” Kim once joked while I jogged in place.

I glanced at the Nazi symbol tattooed on her middle toe and said, “I wish I had my little mister to cool me down.”

“Oh, those misters are amazing! Definitely a gift from God, don’t you think?” she replied.

“Actually, mine was a gift from my husband,” I said with a grin.

About a week later, 24-year-old Jessica, who was naïve and a bit flaky, joined us. She’d ended up in jail for leaving her one-year-old son in a shopping cart at a grocery store. She and Kim eventually got into a fight, and Jessica was moved out.

“Has the fact that it was Black people who put you here changed how you feel about them?” Kim asked me one day.

Had it? Did this whole ordeal make me racist? I thought about it for a moment and replied, “Well, what they did certainly didn’t help. What they did is not a good way to get people to like and accept you. But I also know there’s good and bad in every group. It’s just going to take some time for my mind to focus on the logical side of things and not the angry side.”

And it would indeed be a while, and to be honest, I don’t think I could ever forgive those involved in jailing me, including the very white DA and judge. Even if I’d been totally guilty, no one deserves such a ludicrous sentence.

I constantly tried to remind myself that everyone deserved the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn’t want to be blamed or automatically hated for something another Jew or white person did. But being “fair” proved difficult at times, and I couldn’t help but worry about other Black people deciding to hate me for some reason and then crying racism against me, especially in a state and time when it was all too easy to do so. It was unsettling to know they would almost certainly be believed no matter what I said. Still, I hoped that the tactics being used then wouldn’t work forever, and eventually, the race card would lose its power as it became overused.

Next came 35-year-old “Agent Tara,” who claimed she had worked for the FBI since she was a baby, after being created in a laboratory. She said she knew the government killed her children when her breasts suddenly appeared smaller. That was before they stole her ovaries to make pies with.

This is what drugs did to her mind. Any questions?

In just a few days, the “agent” was gone, replaced by 40-year-old Bible-thumping Gretchen. She was in for drugs, and her way of coping with jail was to recite 400 Hail Marys three times a day, even when I was trying to sleep.

Although Gretchen was half-Black, Kim tolerated her until she was moved.

Then came 31-year-old loudmouth Lora, also in for drugs. According to her, she was once a CO in a prison, and that’s why she was in Ad-Seg.

Kim and Lora were moved to M Dorm one night, leaving me alone for a day or two until I was moved there too. Kim and I had been there once before, in a small cell, but we were sent back to A Tower when a closed-custody hermaphrodite named Alex needed our cell.

This was when I got my first taste of how miserable it was to be in a big cell. Besides dealing with Lora again, I was now with 21-year-old pregnant Madoline and 34-year-old Deanna, both in for drugs.

Although Madoline could be just as obnoxious as Lora, I preferred her. We even developed a little evening ritual where we’d argue in a fun and playful way.

Deanna snored worse than my husband and mother combined, but for some reason, it didn’t bother me, even though it drove everyone else crazy. I guess it was the consistency of the sound that helped; it was the unexpected noises that usually bothered me when I was trying to sleep.

On the morning of my 35th birthday, Deanna and I staged a fight to get me out of there, knowing how much I hated big cells. At first, I thought she was genuinely mad at me for yelling at her earlier about some annoying moaning sounds she was making, but then I realized it was all part of the plan.

A month and a half later, Deanna and I ended up as cellmates again in a two-man cell, but it didn’t work out. She wouldn’t sit still when I needed to sleep. We tried staging another fight, but the DO on duty wasn’t stupid. Fortunately, we managed to get separated after a few days. I wasn’t happy with her either, as she, like so many others, used race as an excuse to get us separated when it wasn’t the issue. Our incompatibility was the problem.

Once I was in a small cell by myself, my craziest cellmate yet joined me—33-year-old schizophrenic Melinda, in for drug and littering charges. She was not only delusional but also the loudest, most hyperactive person I had encountered. She’d climb around the cell like a monkey, tear up magazines, and yell out the door. I could only sleep when she was asleep.

After warning a DO about what I might do to her if one of us wasn’t moved, I was sent to Alex’s cell while Melinda was in court and Alex was in D2, the psych ward.

Then Alex returned. Not wanting to go back to the psycho, I was thrown into a four-man cell again. A week later, Deanna and I staged another fight to get me out, and I ended up back in A Tower because no other beds were available in that dorm.

For about a week, I was alone in A Tower, then I was moved in with 43-year-old Tina, who was also in for the usual thing…drugs. If it wasn’t that it was prostitution. Tina and I argued a lot but eventually got along. She just drove me crazy at times with her constant chatter!

A few days later, 21-year-old Rosa joined us. She became my favorite cellmate. Rosa didn’t speak English, so I was grateful that I spoke Spanish, and Rosa appreciated it too. I’d often translate for Tina.

I was shocked when I saw Rosa’s papers, which stated she was in for child abuse and second-degree murder. I thought, This girl? A baby killer? My gut told me she was innocent, just as much as Myra over in M Dorm was guilty of child abuse and molestation.

Rosa told me that her 1-year-old daughter died after falling and hitting her head while she had left the bathroom for a moment. Her husband, who visited her regularly, wasn’t charged with anything. She had also recently found out she was pregnant with her second child.

In Spanish, I told Rosa not to show anyone her papers. Meanwhile, she took my mind off my situation, making the days pass faster. She was cheerful and easy-going and would console me with a hug when I felt homesick. We’d even play jokes on Tina while she slept, doing silly things like pretending to blow our noses into toilet tissue and then putting it in her open mouth while she snored. We’d try hard not to laugh loud enough to wake her.

After a couple of weeks, I was moved from Rosa and Tina into a cell with 42-year-old Ruby, who was in for drugs. Supposedly, I was placed there to “babysit” her because she was epileptic. At the time, I had no idea that Officer Palma, the hot DO who moved me, was attracted to me (though I didn’t always care for her personality), and that she was jealous of my friendship with Rosa.

Although Ruby didn’t believe much in showers and therefore didn’t smell great, she was an okay cellmate. She slept a lot, and when she was awake, she loved to chat.

A few days later, I was moved again, this time in with 39-year-old Carolyn Peterson and 43-year-old Marian, both in for drugs. Monday was also in for prostitution.

I didn’t enjoy my week with them. They’d chat while I was trying to sleep, and Carolyn wouldn’t stop talking about God when I was awake. This drove me nuts.

“If God’s so wonderful, why is the world in shambles?” I asked her one day. “Little kids are kidnapped, raped, and murdered. How can we call that ‘God’s will’ and still worship Him? It just doesn’t make sense to me. How can we say God has justified reasons for letting such things happen? You say He doesn’t want bad people in His “house”—well, I’d be more than happy to stay out of His house if He’d have let me stay in mine.”

On New Year’s Day, I was moved to M Dorm for the last time. That was the day I met Mary. As soon as we met, I knew we’d be friends after getting out, though she was still inside at the time of this writing. We write regularly, and I’ve helped her with her book by typing up some drafts. She was the one who informed me that “Teddy Bear” was transferred to Madison St. jail six months after my release for flirting with too many inmates.

Mary didn’t seem like a typical inmate. She was slim, pretty, and always wore a friendly smile. The 23-year-old brunette had the ends of her hair dyed bright red, and it looked great on her.

We were very compatible as cellmates. Both of us were night owls, and we had a lot of good talks, laughs, and even tears as we poured our hearts out to each other.

I felt bad for her. She didn’t deserve to be in jail any more than I did, though for a very different reason. Her ex killed her one-year-old daughter, but she was charged with neglect. I suppose they felt she should have left him before it happened, and I know she regrets not doing so.

After nine days of being cellmates, one of my least favorite DOs swapped her with Deanna because of a fight in the big cell next door. Neither Mary nor I was happy about it.

[nathank77]

9/30/24

8:54 p.m

Idk what to do. They did another cat scan on my mother bc her pain isn't getting better and the abssess is the same exact size and the colon walls i believe are thickening. If her pain doesn't get better by tomorrow she's having surgery Wednesday morning.

Someone stole one of my pairs of hyper tough gloves.... I'm pretty sure it was liv. I left them out in the kitchen two pairs and one of the pairs is just gone. Bro I'm a person with ocd on disability. I need them. I've used them everyday since we got Riley. They didn't just walk out of here. Idk what happened but I looked fucking everywhere. And liv actually said she thought she saw them outside and my sister said they were hers... maybe it was skye idfk.... .

I'm upset about it bc I need them for Riley and a lot of stuff..and I don't have money for them and I need them if I play with Riley or walk her or do anything around the house.....

My mom is frantic bc the surgery means a colostomy bag... and I can't make her feel better. I'd kill myself. I didn't tell her that but I'd kill myself if that was the only option.

It was poison ivy.... I correctly identified it... cause yea.. I'm pretty sure they nabbed my gloves and cleaned the poison ivy up with them. They stole medical gloves out of the hospital for me so I can clean my mess in the house cause I stole one pair and cleaned the bathroom and did a bunch of stuff... like cleaned the toilet bowl not water... and the sink and the shower. And I cleaned the bathroom floor with pinsol and water and a new pee pee pad which I used my shoe to rub it around...

And when they were stealing the gloves they were like wait you're a large... and I'm like yea a large cause the medical gloves fit snug in large... but they were really like not mediums... yea in my hyper tough gloves I'm a medium....

I'm pissed cause I need those gloves... and I'm worried bc Riley nose was above the poison ivy and what if her whiskers touched the poison ivy...... I'm so worried about it. And she loves me to death. She listens about getting in the crate... but she's in the crate almost all day cause I put her in when I visited my mother in the morning... then I came home walked her... and she pooped on the carpet again... and then liv put her in the crate and I cleaned everything while she was in there... not the poop... liv did that.

Then I let her out. And I played with her after a little and then i had to go see my mom so I had to put her back in the crate... I get home around 8 p.m. they walked her... and now I'm in my room. Riley is free roaming but this is no life for a fucking German shepherd. AND they said they have the papers and if I surrender her they'll say I dog nabbed her.... so I guess tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping. Riley will be in the crate from 12:30 until I make my chicken... and take a shower.... cause I haven't showered in 2 days now.... I feel disgusting..... and then I'll let her out walk her and then i have to put her back in there to see my mom at the hospital.

When I grabbed my backpack she got all possessive like she always does but she went in the crate when i said crate. So I have no choice but to crate her when I leave the house.....

And then Wednesday if my mom has surgery... which she probably will Riley will be in the crate all day while I'm there.

I'm fucking livid at everyone. I'm dealing with all my ocd obsessions... freaking out with anxiety. Over washing my hands. My skin is crawling.

AND THE DOG IS STUCK IN A CRATE ALL FUCKING DAY AND THEN I GET HOME AND GO TO BED AND SHE LAYS BY HERSELF WATCHING MY DOOR FROM HER CRATE.

ITS FUCKING AWFUL AND IF MY MOM NEEDS THE BAG. EVEN IF SHE DOESNT... THE SURGERY WILL KEEP HER IN A LONG RECOVERY..

THEY STOLE MY GLOVES. AND THE DOG IS SUFFERING AND I CANT BE WITH RILEY AND BE WITH MY MOM AT THE SAME TIME AND I CHOSE MY MOM BUT I MEAN COME THE FUCK ON. IF SHE GETS THE BAG SHE CANT HAVE RILEY JUMPING UP ON HER.

We compromise with a long line in the corner of the yard... with the pool blocked off... and where she can't go anywhere near my window or NALAS GRAVE... by the shed.... and they are going to use ply wood to block off the weeds..... but yea it's still no life for a German shepherd..... and I can't rehome her. That won't be done for like a fucking week!

I do love the dog. Especially after getting her to go in the crate for me. But it's not the right home for her. I can't save her. And all she gets to do is sit in a crate.

When I say possessive. She sees my backpack and goes wild trying to play. Dropping toys at my feet. And I know if I let her free roam eventually she will bite me bc of the nipping. She has to be crated when I leave. there is no choice in it. She listens she's good she goes in there. But I feel awful cause yea.

My right ear has felt full and painful... I haven't been able to schedule the mri bc of my mom.. I'm going to try tomorrow.

I'm a mess.

[bike42]

Thursday September 5, 2024

Our little cottage has paper thin walls. Sounds of cabin mates snoring, dogs barking, kids crying didn’t make for a good nights sleep. Our bed and pillows were rock hard, so I stuffed my puffy jacket to use as a pillow, and laid on top of my puffy sleeping quilt for additional padding, that helped a bit but it was a restless night. At 8am, our cabin mates were ready to go in search of coffee. They headed out to the resort restaurant while we ate our yogurt and bananas and packed up for the day.

By 9:15am, we were on the coastal path heading north. It was sunny and warm, but most of us had thin long sleeve shirts on - it was very windy!!

We came to Vila Cha - another adorable fishing village, and also creative mosaic work on several buildings in town. Just before town, the boardwalk was under construction and we had to walk on the beach for a bit. I took the time to take my shoes off and walk barefoot on the beach - it felt fantastic. There was a cafe with chairs and a cute scene of “beach people” made from what looked to be recycled products and Super Bock hats!

We continued walking - more of the same, boardwalk, sand, cafes, and lots of wind. It was a bit overcast and the temperature was very comfortable.

Just before Vila do Conde, the boardwalk was being completely rebuilt and the route was detoured on to city streets, then onto the dunes. We climbed onto the partially completed boardwalk (no railings or corner junctions) and walked that into town. There the route went through a residential area, then across the bridge and to a bustling city. We were ready for lunch, but only saw fancy restaurants serving large lunches. I googled “sandwich shop” and a Subway appeared just off our route so we went there. It was a nice break. Jeff and I ordered a “foot long” each and planed to have the other half for dinner.

Across the street was a sports park where we found clean toilets and a place to refill our water bottles. From there, we rejoined the trail along the river and then back to the Atlantic.

Next we came to Póvoa de Varzim which was the most vibrant city we’ve been to so far. Lots of creative statues and art, and a whole wall of tile mosaic depicting their history, which seems logically based on the sea (fishing, exploration and shipwrecks). We took another extended break there before continuing on along the sea.

The three had an apartment just north of town, so they pealed off there. Jeff and I continued along the boardwalk another 1.5 miles to the hotel we’d booked, Santo André Hotel.

Along the way, we watched an elaborate sea weed processing production in play. They’d have a pile of fresh seaweed, people would spread it out in a thin layer presumably to dry. Then a tractor would pile the seaweed up and into a bale and they’d cover it in plastic. Is it for fertilizer, food? At one place we saw it looked like they were being used as a base to rebuild a dune? We’ll never know I guess.

We checked into the hotel - a bit dated, but nice, clean and quiet. We had a room with a balcony on the beach side. We showered, did laundry and hung our close line outside where our clothes dried quickly!

We ate our left over subs and collapsed into bed - too exhausted to even play cribbage!

[psych---ologically-deranged]

Remind me to stop commenting on the commentaries. It will take up all the time I'd be able to use posting fanfiction that I have half written

2x01 commentary american duos

SF, chris henze, KK, JRr & DH

JRr & CH did this one

"American Duos" was all we had, they had to go undercover

The frog has a name

John Landis

"put a prop in front of improv guys & you're in trouble"

Up something?

"more contempt" I've never been asked for more contempt

No not the names of the judges. They have never signed their emails with their real names?

Licorice?

Shoe?

Dulce?

If only they had rockwell

One eyebrow shaved & drawn back on

Lester played Tan Guy In Field on the speed dating episode

This kid's first acting job? Good for him!

This guy was in Woman Seeking Dead Husband

JRr has great names

Wait this was filmed in Roday's trailer

Canadian special effect? what does that mean?

As long as you pepper in a little bit f psychic here & there, case related or not...

Sit.

John Landis my man

THOSE TILES ARE TAPE

Aw man I WISH he was on the telenovela episode DH: I guess he wnet to jail so maybe not

BACKWARDS OVER THE CHAIR IS SO GOOD

Playing cards. (& money on the table!? gambling around cops? I mean cops taught shawn how to play)

Birth of this thing in the season XD finger pointing

tony randall, mr bean, (poor omundson), flat stanley

I like how he's chewing gum in s1e1 & now he's chewing a toothpick

Is it a match or is that fancy plastic paper on a toothpick? No it's a match, it has a square end

Sharp as cheddar!

You don't need the MOST well known song of the band!

They were supposed to be singing a song in s1 & then they didn't get it in, BUT they did it much better here

Sage Brockelbank got to hug tim curry

put it back in, take it back out, put it back in, take it back out

John Landice put in the blank spot in the TV "I put it in there for a reason!"

the screen saver XD

I love hearing them just laughing at their jokes. Three full cobs.

DH: [Gus] didn't even want it! [the three full cobs.] I offered it to [Nigel] at the end of the scene. KK: He just didn't want [Shawn] to have any

SF: You're insisting on three corn cobs on a plate right between you!

I love it when even the people making the commentaries make lip smacks too

No the audience thought it was the other dude, lester, when he said suck it up

The original necklace was a necklace of blue beads, & ofc the killer scrambles topick em all up when it broke, but misse the one in the toilet

Emilina died in one of the versions

KK: I rarely take credit for anything, but the toilet POV? The toilet POV!!! That's all you babey

The slap

I THOUGHT THE HOSPITAL ROOM LOOKED LIKE THE POLICE STATION

SF: We do the show on about three dollars. Maybe four for the season finale *wipes his hand on the pillow*

the slap

DH: Most of the time when I'm doing lines in front of a screen, I am reading them right off the screen

She was sleeping on a car, at one point she was sleeping in the guard shack & a life guard stand

"When we first came up with the idea for the episode, it was just: they got on american duos, they want to kill the head judge, & at the end he criticizes his killer's plan"

DH: Now I've got to tell you about how cool it was to dress up like Michael Jackson doing thriller when John Landis directed the real Thriller. KK: He loved it DH: He did say it was weird shooting it though

CH: For those of you watching this, if you ever meet James Roday, he'll probably be sitting in the corner, with like, a ski vest on, not talking to anybody, you ask him a question he's like [softly] "yeah thanks man" but to see him in his element right here JRr: & we got approval to use that song From Tears For Fears! He Emailed! Curt Smith! SF: & I hope this starts a mini revival for Tears for Tears JRr: Love that band

That speech was twice as long in the original draft. "That was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen that didn't involve natural childbirth"

[declanfs]

January 25, 2024

Today we went on a BIIIG Walk. From our house, down the trail, past the water tower, across the the creek, cut the corner of the field behind Courthouse Road, down and up a valley, across a field, and then up like 12 steps to the OTHER elementary school park near us. I would guess that it was at least 1.5 miles round trip and you walked the whole way. You didn’t even ask to be picked up or say you were tired or anything. I’m sure it helped that we spend at least 45 minutes at the creek, and then an hour or so at the park, but you walked the whole way back and it was probably .75 miles. I’m so impressed by you.

While at the creek, you said you had to pee. You specifically said you wanted to pee in the creek, so you did. Then like 10 minutes later you said you had to poop, so I helped you get set up to poop outside. You are 100% potty trained and even did it out in the big, wide world. We used leaves for toilet paper and then I dunked your butt in the creek to clear off the rest. you totally get it, mission accomplished.

It’s also nice that it’s the end of January and it was nice enough to wear shorts and tshirts.

We also went to the library today and read Room on the Broom and it’s probably my favorite book so far, it’s so cute. I LOVED the Gruffalo, but Room on the Broom might be in my #1 spot for best children’s book right now. We have been having lots of fun and you are so funny, but of course when I have the chance to sit down and write something, I can’t think of anything specific. I need to keep little notes in my phone to remind me. Just know, every day, multiple times a day, you say such funny and clever and insightful things that make me laugh and wonder and I just enjoy your company so much.

I got my old beanie babies from granny and pa’s house, and it’s been so fun to play with them with you. You’ve really gotten attached to this big orange kitty of mine. Which is not surprising because you also LOVE our big orange kitties haha. You just told me to stop looking at my iPad so I gotta make this brief.

Linky Loo

Yesterday we went to the pool with Paula and Jace and there was a little old lady there that scared you so much. You were still talking about her this morning. But it’s so fun seeing you and Jace grow up. I hope you stay in touch. I hope we can recreate these photos when you are still friends in high school. I hope!

The past two nights, we have started a new family tradition of having one fancy chocolate together after dinner. You always want a second one, but I know at some point you’ll know its just one. It just takes practice to learn a new thing. And this will be a special thing to do together that feels sweet and small and we can do every single day.