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kazz-brekker · 4 months ago

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hotd episode 6 thoughts

boy oh boy this episode was so full of many delicious character moments, i feel very well fed

aemond really was in his best goth villain era tonight, honestly good for him!

i have never seen tyland lannister look more uncomfortable than he did with aemond looming over him lmao

i enjoyed the scene where aemond is firing alicent from the council while also simultaneously holding her hand in place so she'll keep touching his face…tasty tasty family issues

loved that song that the dragonkeepers were singing while summoning seasmoke, it was a very cool detail

also, it was really fun seeing seasmoke again, especially since he's grown bigger since we last saw laenor riding him

man, aegon and rhaenyra really need to put out an ad in the paper for new members of the kingsguard and the queensguard, those guys are dropping like flies

ever since daemon's visions at harrenhal started i really hoped that we would get to see viserys since so many of daemon's issues stem from being cast aside as heir by his brother so i'm SO pleased we got those scenes, it was a present Just For Me

daemon bro stop threatening simon strong he's a nice old man who's done literally nothing bad to you

greatly enjoying this dynamic of daemon and his new bestie the weird witch who may or may not be psychologically tormenting him with visions of his past mistakes and issues

genuinely alys is my favorite new character this season, she's so fun and i just adore her scenes

madam sylvi, dyana, and ulf getting together to bitch about the food shortages…the greens better look out the smallfolk are unionizing

i am getting the sense that aemond and madame sylvi had a…less than amicable end to their working relationship

aemond tormenting aegon in his sickbed really made me go c'mon dude haven't you made him suffer enough, leave him ALONE!

from rhaena's scenes in the vale it appears that they've cut the character of nettles and give rhaena her storyline instead. not sure how i feel about this…i'm all for rhaena getting more to do but nettles is also an interesting character in her own right

knowing alyn and addam's parentage going into the show i suspected that alyn shaves his head because he inherited the velaryon white hair and i was pleased to see i was right

baby stormcloud is so cute! but holy shit my the pit of my stomach really dropped when jeyne arryn mentioned the ship the gay abandon. my fellow book readers, i am full of dread!

i really liked the scene between gwayne and alicent, since he wasn't in the first season it's interesting to see how their relationship with each other and otto has been affected by that huge distance

i kind of miss otto, i hope he comes back by the end of the season

daeron mention! facts about daeron! a personality! never thought i'd see the day!

one of my favorite hobbies is being emo about scenes of alicent physically putting herself between her children and physical harm so i liked her and helaena fleeing from the riot together

that scene with larys and aegon was sooooooo interesting, there's definitely some manipulation/attempts to curry favor coming from larys, but i also hadn't considered that he might now feel some genuine solidarity with aegon after his injuries and can speak frankly about his disability and offer advice

i have been waiting since daemon got to harrenhal and began being tormented for him to have a breakdown and start crying so i was quite pleased when that happened :)

knowing that seasmoke is chasing after addam because he wants him to be his rider made that whole sequence really funny to me

i have often blogged about how daemon and rhaenyra each have what the other one wants (freedom and patriarchal status vs. viserys's love and position as his heir) so it was super fun for me to hear rhaenyra actually verbalize that

i have been super into queer readings of this show since the beginning and all season whenever rhaenyra and mysaria interact i've been like "hmm…are they flirting…" but i truly did not expect them to actually kiss. rhaenyra targaryen canonically queer! on my tv screen! never thought i would see the day!

crazy to think that we only have 2 episodes of this season left after this, can't wait to see what unhinged drama still awaits us

#lots in this episode! i had a very good time!#pie says stuff #hotd #hotd spoilers #house of the dragon #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targaryen #alicent hightower #aemond targaryen #alys rivers #mysaria of lys

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bhaalble · 1 year ago

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God Love Me Like a Fawn- A Dark Urge/Enver Gortash fic

I finally finish something for BG3 and its for the guy I didn't give a FUCK about my first playthrough. This is also posted on my AO3 (Skeletorific) if you prefer the formatting there. Anyways. A snapshot of pre-Crown of Karsus heist. Enver does his level best to make sure his alliance with Murder Incarnate doesn't wind up how this kind of union typically should go. Alternatively, the author's barely disguised fetish for men putting jewelry on other men

TW for Canon typical violence descriptions, disassociation, memory loss, and generally toxic dynamics. Dark Urge Tav is an oc, Melkior, who uses he/they pronouns. Nothing explicitly sexual. 3.5k words.

Excerpt:

Still studying, then?”

He’d had to repeat the question before Melkior’s eyes finally lifted from the page in front of him. Fiery yellow set deep in black. Not the most uncommon color for tieflings, but the effect of them piercing through shaggy dark hair was always a touch startling. He always held them a little too wide, blinked too little.

“......You’re back already?”

Gortash can’t help but smile, whisking the door to his office shut behind him. Melkior had been holed up for hours, carpeting his office in books and papers. Everything that had ever been written on Mephistopheles' vaults, accounts from the exceedingly factual to the patently deranged. Most of those hours had been silent, by necessity: the Chosen of Bhaal, prodigiously talented in all arts bloodthirsty, was an almost charmingly slow reader.

Silence was unbearable to Enver. He’d had more than enough of it for twenty lifetimes. It had been better, almost, when they were beating him because when they weren’t he was left below for hours, days, weeks. Not a voice to be heard or a person to see. He made his excuses to busy himself below, lose himself in the tangled noise of his machines and his lackeys.

“Already? The sun’s nearly set, you’ve been in here all day.”

Another slow blink. A scowl crosses the Bhaalspawn’s face, probably a startling visage for most. The grey-white death mask tattooed into his purple skin would twist, rippling over a nasty burn scar on his right cheek. The effect was entirely demonic.

Not for him. He knew better. Knew better of demons, and knew better of Melkior. This wasn’t a threat, but a sulk.

“I was busy.”

“Clearly.” He tilts his head, meaningfully regarding the rest of his office. “Not a drop of viscera to be seen, either. I commend the focus you’ve shown for this task.”

It’s hard to read blushes behind the tattoos, but the way his tail flicks nervously behind him is as good as any coloring. “Why am I the only one focusing? It’s your plan, Baneite.”

“Enver.” He says cheerfully. In two strides he’s crossed the room, taking a seat on the worn chaise he slept in more than his own bed. It was the only surface not entirely littered in paper. “I am focusing. But there are wheels in motion, my friend. Someone needs to make sure they don’t fly off before we’ve had the chance to make our play.”

“I have better-”

“The compliment was sincere, Melkior.”

He didn’t need words to know that was worse, leagues worse. Melkior snaps the book shut, rolling cat-like to his feet. Enver watches him tilt his chin, drawing himself up to his full height to look down at him on the couch. Blazing eyes, stony expressions, claws ever so slightly parted. Like in a twitch they might rend a throat. Divine wrath made manifest.

“I’m returning to the Temple. The flock needs tending. The cattle need culling.” He stalks past him, feet padding silently. “Call me when you have a more productive use for my time.”

Enver says nothing, yet. Waits for him to get nearer the door.

“Then I suppose you don’t want your present.”

Stillness, silence. So thick over his left shoulder it was nearly tangible. A lesser man, a man less practiced in his art, might’ve thought the tiefling had left.

Enver was not a lesser man. And Bhaal’s favorite bludgeon was more a child at heart than they realized.

“....Present.” Melkior’s tone is flat and heavy, trying to smother the curiosity out of his voice.

Without turning, he lifts his hand, holding the palm flat to reveal two delicate gold chains, bookended by clips set with rubies. “You have a penchant for jewelry, don’t you?” The carelessness rolls effortlessly off his tongue, the benevolent disinterest weaving the lie into the truthful statement. “I’ve noticed many of the tieflings in the city have taken to horn decorations of late.” Finally, a turn, a graceful smile sliding on. “A life in service to the Murder Lord doesn’t offer much exposure to the latest trends, I imagine.”

Melkior seems to have frozen mid-stride. He’s frozen in general. Among the more monkish of his habits: the ability to appear carved right from the rock. Even still, the argument clearly taking place in the theater of his mind is all but broadcasted. “...Why do you care?”

He shrugs, closing his hand over the trinkets and lowering it ever so slowly. “You don’t need to take it if you don’t wish. I’m sure I have a few other colleagues who would be interested. “

“I don’t-” His hand jerks. Enver feels the point slide towards him. He watches Melkior feel it slip away. A paroxysm of irritation passes over him, making his lip curl to bare fangs. An animal kind of frustration.

His palm opens beckoning.

“....You waste a lot of time on gestures, Baneite.” Melkior’s heels sink to the ground, pivoting towards him. Seconds before his claws can close on the proffered chains, though, Gortash’s hand snaps shut again.

“Enver.”

An annoyed twitch of the tail. Golden eyes are locked on his hand with a greedy gleam.

“You waste a lot of time on gestures....Enver.”

“Not so difficult, is it?” He smiles, gesturing in front of him. “Come here, I’ll put them on.”

“I can do it myself.” He follows the gesture where it leads, though, tugged a few steps around the edge of the chaise.

“You haven’t seen how they’re attached. I’d like my gifts worn properly.” He tilts his head up to look him in the eye. The bland smile never wavers. “Though, I can’t exactly reach from here.”

“Then...stand?”

“Ah, my friend, this seat is comfortable, and I’ve had such a long morning.”

This, actually, is where it becomes most dangerous. Not lightly do the Children of Bhaal open their space. Even less lightly should they be invited into yours. Gortash doesn’t break eye contact. Almost doesn’t dare to. The long ebony claws now mere inches from his face occupy the whole of his awareness regardless.

Melkior glances again at the hand holding his prize.

He takes a seat on the couch, settling awkwardly at the very edge of the worn green velvet. His gaze flickers towards him again.

“Better?”

The faintest knot of tension that had begun tying itself in his chest is swept cleanly aside. His smile deepens, sharpens as he sits up properly. “Better...but you are blessed with some very imposing horns, Melkior.” He glances at them, near vertical and spiraling like a goat’s. They add nearly half a foot to his height. It’s when the tiefling’s eyes dart up towards the same appendage, however, that he moves. In one blink, he plants a hand on his shoulder, sweeping him off the couch entirely.

In the span of a heartbeat, Melkior is kneeling before him.

Another heartbeat. Gortash half expects to feel a draft over his innards the next second. So, he doesn’t let himself pause. With deft hands, he plucks one of the chains from his palm and begins carefully clipping the first end near the base of his horn.

Melkior’s body goes tight. From this level, he has to look up at him. From the edges of his vision, he can feel those eyes held wide, burning into him. No doubt imagining a thousand ways to split him down the middle for the insult.

“Will this satisfy you, then.”

......

Enver’s been too well trained to let his surprise show. He doesn’t break his gaze from his work, even, carefully lining the clips along the ridges spirals of the horn, assessing placement to see if the chains will lay properly.

“For now.” He says softly.

Melkior rolls his eyes, arranging his legs to fold more comfortably underneath him. His hands clasp politely in his lap, for all the world looking like a penitent at his prayers. The visual has its appeals. Much more so the fact that he’s clearly trying to avoid eye contact at the moment.

Up close, it’s surprising how clean he smells. The undercurrent is there, of course, old blood and fluids of more unmentionable varieties. The reeking incense of Bhaal. Something antiseptic, a rubbing alcohol perhaps. But there’s linen too, notes of a soapy kind of a lavender smell. He wonders if it’s intentional, a way of hiding his nature. Or perhaps this was simply a clean outfit, yet unspoiled by the usual grisly tasks on Melkior’s to-do list.

The tiefling continues to sit quietly. An outside perspective might presume him to be meditating. Certainly his gaze seems far enough away for that to be the case. Gortash looks closer, though, and sees the barely restrained shiver every time he traces the edges of his horns.

Hears the slightly staccato rhythm of his breath.

“If I had known all it took were a few baubles to get you to behave, I would’ve sent earrings ahead of my first few envoys.” The spirals of the horns pose an inviting challenge, drawing the chains taut where they should instead drape. He recalculates the placement some. “Are all Bhaalists so materialist?”

“I don’t care about finery. I take trophies.”

“My favorite assassin, this is a trophy.” Slowly, ever so slowly, his free hand slides into his hair, threading through dark tangled strands to sweep them from his face. This is almost a bridge too far. Melkior’s shoulders snap to attention and his lip curls. Enver only presses firmly on the top of his skull, tilting his head back gently until his eyes meet his own. “We’ve secured our means into the hells.” Not quite a murmur, not quite a whisper, but something velvet and soft and prayerful in his voice all the same. With his hair pushed off his forehead, he can see glints of amber and red swimming in the molten gold of Melkior’s eyes. “Our victory is within our grasp, and I’d say that merits a reward.”

Melkior’s chest rises and falls in sharp movements. The dark purple of his lips peeks through, the usual white paint scraped away by his teeth. “We haven’t won yet.”

“True. But it’s as simple as closing our fist.” He presses his thumb pointedly to the center of the tiefling’s forehead, biting back a laugh when his eyes briefly cross in their attempt to track the movement. “Not comfortable being touched?”

“I’m not frightened of you.”

“I didn’t ask if you were frightened.”

“People who touch me don’t find it ends happily for them.” He still hasn’t moved. The pressure he’s placing on his head is tight, not easily breakable, but Melkior hasn’t so much as tested it.

“I didn’t ask how I’d end up either. Even if I did.” He tilts his head, lifting free hand to show the mark matching the one blazoned on the Bhaalspawn’s shoulder. “We have certain oaths to prevent exactly this. Your Urge isn’t complicating that?”

Melkior huffs, darting his eyes to the side. “No. Father made...allowances.”

“Then you’ll forgive me if I continue to place my trust at your feet. So far as I can see it, then, the only reason for me to not touch you is if you prefer not to be touched.” He’s still looking away. It won’t do, it needles him where he needs to remain placid. He taps his chin, drawing his gaze back where it should stay. “Do you prefer that?”

The office isn’t silent. A draft beckoned in by the open window carries the din of the city below, the echoes of small lives and ways. The floor buzzes with his machines, the clanks and crashes so familiar they felt like music.

Just as familiar is the sensation he feels. A leash, tied around Melkior’s neck. The end lays in front, his for the grabbing. He could layer his voice with such powers as Bane made available to him, let the sensation of his touch seep into that too addled mind neatly cupped in his hands. A final completion of his art, dominating that which was by its nature untameable. Violence incarnate in his palm. Perhaps impossible, but the temptation was there all the same. Nearly overwhelming, even.

He doesn’t reach for it. It means nothing if taken now.

Melkior blinks. Blinks. Blinks. Blinks.

“.....You’ll touch me unless I say no?”

“Correct.”

“........For how-....” His brow knits together. For once not in anger, but confusion. “Continuously? Or just now? Or-”

He can’t hold it back anymore. He laughs, for once not the boisterous, controlled thing he saved for meetings. He might even go so far as to call it genuine. It seems to worsen the confusion, but Enver only ruffles his hair before getting to his feet.

“We can work that out later, then. For now, I think it may be time to speak with our diabolist.”

Melkior scrambles to his feet, the new chains jingling slightly in the motion. He seems wholly taken aback. “I didn’t give my answer.”

“Later.” You did . He claps his shoulder, smiling brightly. “Duty calls”

Enver slips out the door before he can say another word. He glances back only once, when the expected footfalls don’t hit his ears.

A gift of his own. Who else in the last century can claim to see a Bhaalspawn smiling without a hint of bloodlust?

------

Some Months. Years. Decades. Eons. Time Later

The patriars are all speaking at once, their chattering so loud as to nearly drown out the whirr and clank of the Steel Watch. The metal monstrosities tower around his party, flatly beckoning him into the fray. All of it fails to overpower the sound of Melkior’s own heartbeat.

The tiefling’s feet strain against the boots Shadowheart had wrestled him into. Without his calloused heels touching the earth he feels untethered. So many people, their reek hit him like a fist to the face. Unbidden a frenzy of gore-spattered images swim past his eyes, made sharper and angrier by all his unrestful heart. The duchess, her legs discarded as bloodied stumps on either side of her. One of the country lords to his immediate left, gagging on Melkior’s staff as it punched through the back of his skull. A sizzling smell of cooking meat as he imagined the Steel Watch chassis stuffed full of lordlings to get acquainted with the infernal iron buried within.

He didn’t even bother to breathe right now, to try grounding himself. There were simply too many things to distract himself from. Easier to let it swim by. His hand twitches instinctively towards Gale’s, but can he trust himself then to leave the limb intact?

The wizard notices the motion. Gale knows enough not to touch him, but he does favor him with a kind smile nonetheless, reassurance dripping from that soft voice of his. “Not far now, my love. We won’t let you lose control.”

“Right. Or if you’ve got to, I’ve got just the dickhead in this room for you to aim it at...” Karlach grumbles just behind him. Gale looks at her disapprovingly, though the regret seems to hit her even faster. “Sorry, that’s not funny.”

“He’ll be with my father.” Wyll says. Urgent, so urgent, his eyes scanning the throng. Those eyes aren’t meant for anything but Ulder Ravengard at the moment, they can’t be spared for the fearless leader. “Likely near the front-...BLAST these crowds, can you see him?”

“We’ll find him, Wyll.” Melkior says faintly, voice so small it immediately becomes lost in the pandemonium. “And the others...” Though what he’s meant to do about it in here he couldn’t say. This hall. He’s never been in it before, he can’t have been, not with the way everyone’s eyes seem to slide right off him. But something lingers in the hall, a miasma that claws into the aching gapes in his brain.

The machine had known him. He eyes the mechanical soldier like it might echo with that voice again.

Karlach hisses. It’s joined by a flare of heat just at his back. Lucky they were on the edge of the carpet, or it might’ve started smoking. “Got him. Just at the end there.”

“With my father.” Wyll says, relief palpable in his voice. He starts forward reflexively, but hesitates, glancing back at Melkior. “.....How do you want to do this?”

Melkior sees a flicker of strain behind his eyes. The compulsion to move towards his father. Or not, that strain had been flickering ever since Last Light. Since the cler- “It’s your father, Wyll.” He says, strangling the thought in its synapse. A shaky smile forces its way on his face, like it might make them all friends again.

Wyll smiles back, like he might be able to accept it. “And the Steel Watch let you in, my friend. I’ll follow your lead.”

“ Fuck strategy, we should just rush the bastard. Letting him even speak is a bad move.” Karlach says, glaring daggers at the room at large. “Fuck, hang on, he’s on the move. Can’t see him from here.”

“He can’t have gone far” He rocks up onto the balls of his feet, craning his neck above the cross to try to find where Wyll and Karlach’s gazes point. “Is it-"

“ There you are.”

A headache splits his skull, so sharp and profound that the word ceremorphosis floats to the front of his consciousness. It's not me , rumbles the Emperor, but he’s momentarily insensate to it. His heels crash to the ground and he staggers. The cobblestone and the rich carpets swim in front of his eyes. The voice, the voice from just behind him, the whole universe in a voice.

Vaguely, he’s aware of the voice of Gale, concerned, and a yelp from Karlach. All he can do is lurch forwards, dragging a head that seems ten pounds heavier up to meet the origin of the voice.

Black and emerald leathers, set deep with gold. Are all Bhaalists such materialists ? Above them swims a face, the features refusing to resolve themselves. It's like it's being blocked. His face won’t render them into anything human, just swirls them into a sickly whorl of flesh. All that pierces through are two dark eyes, deep and shadowed and taunting.

He nearly doubles over to vomit. The eyes narrow, tilting to the side. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

The voice again, deep and smooth as spider’s web, I’d tear the voicebox out to keep it on my pillow, but I can’t, but I can’t, it won’t sound if it's not where it should be

“Melkior, can you hear me?” Gale’s touch on his shoulder, pulling him upright, and Karlach’s big arms hauling him to his feet at the waist. All feel wrong, itching, pulling.

“What the hells did you do to him?” Karlach growls. Time was he’d love to wrap himself in that protection, in the ferocity of love it signified. Now he shoved hard at her arm, scratching like a caught stray.

“While I appreciate the faith in my abilities, Karlach, I think you overestimate them a hair. When would I have had time to do a thing to him?” There’s a laugh in his voice, and it makes a mouth sprout in the skin spiral. Smiling, always smiling, dark stubble dotting the jaw. The nose follows, and dark brows. “I think he can stand for himself, now, can’t you, Melkior?”

The face is just a face. He shoves hard until Karlach drops him, lurching forward the last few steps. The last thing he feels is Gale’s hand sliding off his shoulder, the kind touch evaporating like a dream.

He stops a hair short of the dark-haired man. The Chosen, the Absolute, Gortash, Baneite, but he’s missing a name, isn’t he? Treasure locked behind that name, prizes, secrets.

Trophies.

On the last step he pulls himself up. Melkior sinks his claws deep into the fabric of his trousers, planting his feet squarely apart. There’s barely a meter between him and the stranger now, a meter that seems to draw his breath out from him entirely. This is not the Urge, not his father, and yet he fights for control all the same.

“Who....who are you?” His voice rings out impossibly loud. The crowd of nobles immediately near him look around in stunned surprise, creating a ripple of silence.

Gortash scarcely seems to notice. He tilts his head, regarding him with a detached sort of warmth. The look Gale gives to his books that used to claw at him so, the look Astarion gives a willing neck before his teeth sinks in.

The headache is worse. He won’t let himself react, even as his vision whites out-

There is a gentle warmth on his forehead, edged in something sharp and metallic. It brushes the hair on his head back, sweeping the overgrown tangles back between his horns. He blinks hard. He’s touching my head like I'm a sick child , comes the realization like thunder.

“My favorite assassin, what have they done to your eyes?”

His entire face feels hot, the stone set in his left socket itching self consciously. “What are you-”

“Don’t fucking touch him!” Karlach barks.

“No need to be like that, Karlach. He may not remember it, but...”

Enver tilts his head. He smiles. For just a second, Melkior’s head feels just fine.

“I do have permission.”

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #durgetash #enver gortash #the dark urge #dark urge spoilers #enver gortash x dark urge #dark urge x gortash #oc tag: melkior #long post #apologies to my followers on mobile #goretash

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theliterarywolf · 1 year ago

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In the interest of fairness and seeing things from all sides, and all that other good wholesome stuff.

98% of the Actor/Writer union demands are perfectly reasonable. Two in particular I feel I have to side with the studios on (while acknowledging that their refusal to come to the table on anything makes them the unambiguous bad guys in the situation)

Writers: demanding a minimum number of writers on EVERY project just reeks of nepotism. "You have to give all my friends a job even if the project doesn't need them"

Actors: demanding hazard pay for wearing corsets. I've worn them, they're uncomfortable at worst.

See, here's someone actually presenting legitimate concerns with the strike demands that don't just read 'Hollywood is shite anyway, weh'

So while I do STRONGLY believe that the issue of Nepotism in mainstream media -- particularly Hollywood but this also includes other facets of the creative industries like the Western Book Industry and video games -- is an issue that will need to be addressed in the near future, when I read 'demanding a minimum number of writers' I see it less as 'I have to get all my friends jobs' and more 'Look, if you guys want an unrealistic turn-around on scripts and screenplays, we're going to need more people on the team'.

The corsets: I can't say anything on this one way or the other because while I have also worn corsets, I haven't had to be on a studio set for a full shooting day so I'm not sure if it's 100% unbearable or if there are ways to make it tolerable for an individual.

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shenashygans · 3 months ago

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(photo is r🐘)

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY -59-

i know. it's Monday again. we're too busy yesterday kaya eto nanaman ako. at hinahanap nanaman ng jowa ko 'to. so here's another TSC form yours truly~

CURRENTLY

Reading

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. hindi ko pa tapos, tas kinukwento ko na agad sa jowa ko hehehe

Writing

TSC 58 on a Monday again. promise, next time Sunday na talaga lol

Listening

to the Metro. we're currently on our way to work. the Metro is saying we're in Union na hehehe

Thinking

of what to do this weekend hehe. I'm excited with our staycation and i can't wait to just relax with the love of my life. thinking of what to but for snaxx and thinking of buying bath bombs because we deserve it hahahaha

Smelling

coffee. coffee breath? i drank coffee from my jowa's tumbler. napa-woooo nanaman ako sa tapang :))

Wishing

for cold weather still. well, it's not really that hot na? nasa 40⁰ nalang ngayon eh. hahaha oh yes. mainit padin. pero hindi super init? hahahuhu wag nalang sana humid.

Watching

we watched 2 movies that surprisingly, we genuinely enjoyed. hehe. first was, Jackpot! starring John Cena and Awkwafina. it's where you can (legally) kill the [lotto]jackpot winner (within the day) and get all their winnings. ang saya lang kasi andun si Dolly de Leon. gulat kami lol. si shangchi din andun :)) basta hanggang sa credits hooked kami kasi may mga bloopers. hihi. second was, Mission Cross. a korean movie about a secret agent husband and a detective wife. it became messy when the wife finds out his husband has been lying about his identity. but in the end, they worked together to defeat some bad guys. mixed of action, drama, and a bit of life. always tell your partners your past, and together you'll both face the present and future. must watch! feel good movies lang sila :))

Hoping

for happiness and good health for all my loveones. been seeing news about another outbreak. gahd. hoping all us are healthy all throughout this outbreak and no one gets sick. hoping for a long and out of town vacay with the loml. i just want for us to get away from it all sometimes hehe

Wearing

my brown (beige) dress! terno pa kami ni tropa hahaha

Wanting

more sleep. we slept late kagabi kasi nag-gala kami hahaha want new (couple) shoes for us. been eyeing on NB, Asics, & Nike hahaha been wanting to travel far away din and cruise hehe

Needing

mani-pedi/pamper day. needing to drink more water because yesterday we drank soda a lot hahaha

Loving

bonding time with my partner's friends. naka-bond ko na ata GS/HS/College friends niya. kahit mga kapitbahay. lol. ibang friends nalang sa Pinas. sana makabakasyon kami together. para atleast mameet nadin niya friends ko hehe. lagpas 20k steps nanaman kami at alam kong ayaw niya naglalakad. pero pinagbigyan padin naman niya ako pumuntang Kinokuniya just to look at books yeey 🥰 tapos siempre i love that we ate at Five Guys. guilty pleasure na'min yun eh. love na'min ung fries and burgers üwü

loving the flower bouquets the loml gave me. ang sweet kasi. ahh to feel loved palagi by this human bean~ di ako sanay eh. minsan ang awkward ko sa mga ganito. deserve ko ba? ano ba gagawin ko? bakit ang sarap sa pakiramdam? may mali ba? grabe ang trauma ko sa past, na medyo naapektuhan ung ngayon. pero siempre i won't let it ruin my mind. i deserve this because my lover loves me. i deserve everything just because 🥰💜 thank you for making my day extra special 💜

Feeling

sleepy and full. haha kinain ko ung baon ko bago ako umalis ng bahay. thankful ako sa jowa ko for fixing my baon palagi :3

Manifesting

STABLE JOBS (FOR US). FINANCIAL ABUNDANCE. GOOD HEALTH (FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS). HAPPY LOVE & SEX LIFE ✨ (uulit-ulitin ko ‘to) HAPPY MARRIED LIFE 💜 NEW CAR/HOME FOR US ✨

- have a great week ahead!

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sithisreadingcorner · 1 year ago

Note

Sorry i forgot to send birthday data😭

29/12/2004 T.K/she/her/Capricorn🦚☄️🪐May i have a reading of how could it be our relationship between me and my futurespouse if you give me a chance? Thank you !

👁️

Thank you so much for the ask TK! 🥰I rephrased your question slightly, in a way that I hope will be also useful in the present. Namely: If nothing changes, what qualities are you bringing into the relationship, and how will the relationship be affected by that?

knight of swords (good boy). the magician (ganesh). ouroboros

I can immediately tell from this reading, that to you in a relationship loyalty is the most important, in every sense of the word. And I think in your future marriage you will find someone who feels about that the exact same way as you do, which should mean that you are looking towards a strong and blissful union. There is a little pitfall to this however that you should keep in mind, because if you don't, it might risk your relationship as well.

The thing is, that I think to you loyalty also means that things need to happen in a certain type of way, by the book if you will, which is not necessarily a part of the loyalty itself but if the conditions are not fulfilled then the loyalty will be immediately questioned. I'm not talking about cheating or anything like that - let me tell you an example. Say you are at work and your future spouse is at home, and you asked them to complete 3 tasks before you get home. They did one, and they genuinely wanted to do it all but then something happened and they forgot to do the other two. You come home, you see that barely anything got done, and feel like your spouse doesn't give a shit about the house or you, and start an argument. And then the spouse feels like they are not given space to make mistakes, and they are really hurt as well, and so you guys argue even though you really love and care for each other a lot, and it puts your relationship on risky ground. I think generally the way you have to think about this is that you need to accept that your spouse expresses their loyalty in a different way than you do, and if you are receptive to that, this will be a really good relationship.

I think it's true of you generally, that you kinda go through certain cycles that happen in the exact same way every time. And I think you maybe even perceive this repetition and identified that this is a problem. However underneath that, there is a more pressing problem that needs fixing - rather that the cycles always play out from beginning to end. Like in the above case, the pattern would be that if your spouse forgets something then it will always end in an argument with the exact same words. Now the goal is not to have the argument with different talking points, but rather, how can we play out this situation that each of us feel heard and there is NO argument? Ya feel? I don't know if you are an argumentative person per se, but either way, I think there is some kind of pattern here, that needs working on. You need to intercept it, and figure out a different way. But if you work on this, it will strengthen your relationships a lot.

I think you got what it takes, you only need time. I know that you are an insightful person and a hard worker. This is exactly what the kind of person whom you would like to marry finds the most attractive about you. All you need to do is just keep in mind that there can usually be multiple paths that lead to the same goal, and as long as you eventually get there, it doesn't matter that much which one you took. 🥰

I don't ask this normally, but if you can spare me a few words for an honest review how this resonated, I will really appreciate it 🙏 Im documenting the accuracy of my readings for a project!

august readings (2 of 5)

tips? 💗

#txt #tarot #alleymans tarot #free tarot readings

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blzzrdstryr · 3 years ago

Text

Generous offering

Yandere!Zhongli x gn!Fatui Harbinger!reader

Wordcount:1843

CW:Yandere themes

There are several simple things one should know before dealing with the archons - be respectful and polite, speak only when you’re allowed to and most importantly - never forget that archons aren’t humans.

The first two rules are instinctive - it’s natural for humans to simper and bow before the forces far greater than them, while the latter is not; on the contrary it’s counterintuitive and unexpected. People tend to project, tend to humanize - they see kindness when there’s none and make a huge mistake of assuming that archons see things the way they see it.

Tsaritsa, for example, lacks humanity, despite holding the title of Goddess of Love. The love that she holds for you is different from love mothers and fathers give to their children, or love that young sweethearts share at night, it’s cold and impersonal and undeniably cruel.

Tsaritsa says that she loves all of you and she loves Snezhnaya, yet she lashes out a harsh and gruelling punishments at every perceived failure and rules her land with an iron fist, one would think that the cryo archon is a liar and a hypocrite, who uses pretty, flowery words to hide the atrocities she commits, but this perspective is flawed. Tsaritsa loves all of you and she loves Snezhnaya, she’s just not human enough to properly express this.

That’s why it’s a bit jarring to see the ancient lord of these lands in his mortal form - he lacks the same otherworldly terror and grandiose that every of Tsaritsa’s move and word carry, yet he also possesses the air of wisdom and elegance so refined that rare person can reach it. It’s easy to assume that he’s human.

Rex Lapis, or “Zhongli” as he calls himself now invites you to the Liuli pavillion the second day after your arrival, for tea and local cuisine as he says, and who are you to decline a God?

Liuli staff hurries and dashes around, preparing their best room for you - Fatui are known for their seemingly endless finances, no wonder they’re in haste. “Please make yourself comfortable, dear guests”, the waiter curtsies and leads you to the dining room, which happens to be richly furnished and decorated with high-quality darkwood furniture and the hand painted wall panels further accentuating the luxury of the restaurant.

One of these panels illustrate different scenes from the Liyuen mythos - a battle of mighty and wise adepti against the horde of demons, Rex Lapis aiding his people in building the Harbour and the most spectacular one - a majestic dark brown dragon with golden fur and feathers descending to the devoted worshippers, who in turn present him with their offerings and gratitude.

He orders tea and meals for both of you, as you start to converse about the plan that he is determined to bring into life - the so-called test of Liyue, and the guarantee of you obtaining his gnosis.

“And what about your colleague?”, he sips a bit of his tea, intense amber eyes piercing right through you. He looks both human and non-human in this moment, both undeniably mortal softness and frailty seen in his figure and the barely concealed divinity, the sense of awe slowly seeping into air mixing in one person.

“And what about him? Tsaritsa and you have negotiated everything beforehand, I will make sure that he plays his part properly”, he hums at your answer, lowering his gaze deep in thought. You start on your own tea.

Ah, Childe, if only he knew why exactly he’s here - a distraction and a scapegoat. You even feel bad for him - it’s truly unfair to be lied to by your own Goddess. However, it’s also not a big surprise - Childe is the loudest out of all Harbingers in all senses. Infamous for his skills and battle obsession, his name is enough to have people both shivering in fear and cursing him.

“What do you think of your archon? Was serving her of any use to you?”Rex Lapis unexpectedly asks.

You lean back in your seat, thinking what to say.

“Tsaritsa is a gentle soul, she declared war only to protect us, her subjects and I am ready to aid her in whatever undertaking she starts”.

“Will you continue to serve Tsaritsa, if her action might put you in danger, make you suffer and bring unnecessary grief?”, he leans closer to you, his human features distorting enough to reveal the ancient dragon sleeping inside. His eyes shine a cold golden glow and accurate fingernails morph into sharp, dark claws.

“Yes”, you breathe out, mesmerized and terrified by the sudden change: “Her love knows no bounds, yet she always puts the needs of the nation before anyone else. If my suffering can help Snezhnaya, then I will accept it with open arms”, he moves back at your answer, all draconic traces gone in an instance, upper corner of his lips subtly rising - whatever you said must’ve pleased him immensely.

The conversation flows back into the territory of plans to be realized, yet the cold sensation of dread still clings to you, your gut feeling yelling at you to get up and run. You remain seated to the end of your meeting, politely conversing with the God that terrifies you.

***

Days slowly grow into weeks and Childe acts just as you have expected - the Eleventh Harbinger might be smart, yet even he wouldn’t be able to see what two of you are scheming. Still, you request Ekaterine, a spy you planted in Northland bank, to keep you updated on the Tartaglia’s actions - extra caution never hurts.

You continue to meet up with geo archon, as you two discuss your next actions. Tartaglia has started cooperating with that blonde foreigner Signora has warned you about, and while this union doesn’t pose any threat to your plans, it’s always good to have a plan B, just in case something happens.

Sometimes your conversation develops into a more unexpected direction, as you find the archaic lord more chatty and tending to ramble, than any of Liyuen historians would dare to picture him as. One on such occasion he talks with you about dragons - benevolent deities who protect and bless their people in an exchange of generous offerings.

His eyes devour you, as he retells you ancient folktales and you suppress your discomfort, preferring to attribute his honestly unnerving behaviour down to his lack of humanity - he was never human in the first place.

That’s why you also prohibit yourself from viewing him as anything but God - Rex Lapis in his “Zhongli” persona is genuinely attractive, he’s well-mannered and obviously handsome and far more knowledgeable than any mortal should be. If you didn’t know of his true nature you would have fallen for him by now - it’s hard not to.

Life, how strange that wouldn’t sound, goes as usual - you get Ekaterine’s report on what Childe’s up to and if it’s something unexpected you book a Liuli pavilion room and send an invitation to the funeral parlour consultant. You only need to wait until Childe gets desperate enough and decides to use the sigils of permission to unleash the well-awaited chaos.

This routine however is soon broken by the appearance of familiar ashy-white hair in the distance. She doesn’t wear her signature mask or dress, nor are there agents at both of her sides, yet you can still clearly recognize her. Signora leaves the Wangsheng building in haste, cape with the hood concealing most of her face and figure, except the long locks of hair, peeking from inside.

What is she doing here?

You thought that Tsaritsa sent two of her servants - Tartaglia and you, him to “test” Liyue, you to oversee the former’s actions and obtain gnosis, there’s no need to send her too.

Your mind races, as you search for a logical explanation of Signora’s presence as your memory supplies the piece of first conversation you had with “Zhongli” - could it be that Tsaritsa also sent you to play a role you have no idea of?

Cryo archon is a goddess of love and her love is cruel and unforgiving, she has sacrificed countless chess pieces before, so it wouldn’t be surprising if she did that again - you are nothing but a pawn after all, one of the tools she uses to exact her will and force her vision, all of the Harbingers are.

You want to believe that you can accept and resign to whatever hardship and fate your Goddess might subject you to. You can’t.

***

Adepti and Qixing converse at the pier of the seaport, as you hurry to the Northland Bank, a slight smile playing on your lips - Childe has finally done it - he summoned an ancient god to lure out Rex Lapis, ultimately proving that Liyue can stand without him.

There are sounds of heated argument heard when you open the building’s door and then you see it - Signora and Tartaglia exchanging barely concealed insults and “Zhongli” standing nearby.

“[Harbinger]? What are you doing here?”, the ginger shifts his gaze onto you, a rare emotion of hurt and disbelief flickering in his dead fish eyes. “Of course, Tsaritsa sent you too”, he smiles, angry and disappointed. “Seems that whole world wants to make a bad guy out of me”, he stomps out of the room, leaving you with Signora and “Zhongli”

“[Harbinger]”

“Signora'', you acknowledge each other, after she trails exiting Childe with her eyes.

“I am here to take the gnosis of Rex Lapis”, she says and you nod, accepting that your Goddess lied to you too: “Tsaritsa also asked me to give you this letter”, she extends her arm, a thick envelope with the familiar seal catching your attention.

With the trembling hands you snatch it out of her hold and almost rip the envelope - for what reason did Tsaritsa send you here?

She writes that you need to stay in Liyue for an undetermined period of time to upkeep “the agreement” made between her and Rex Lapis. You read her message silently, yet when your eyes trace over these words, the sensation of “ “Zhongli’s” eyes on you becomes ten times sharper and stifling. You don’t know what to do.

The other Harbinger leaves too, taking the gnosis with her, as “Zhongli” takes a couple of steps to you, touching your shoulder in a somewhat reassuring gesture. “[First]”, he starts, tone sympathetic and soothing. You don’t fall for it.

“You had your hand in it, didn't you?”, you hiss and accuse, throwing an angry glance at him, momentarily forgetting about the first two rules of dealing with archons.

He smiles, revealing two sharp fangs, his surprisingly scaly hands snaking around yours. “Yes”, Rex Lapis admits, and looks nothing like gentle and knowledgeable “Zhongli”. How could you forget? Archons aren’t humans, humanity is just a fancy dress they don to toy with mortals. He is the dragon, not the benevolent deity that is painted on the wall panels of Liuli pavillion, but a greedy and ancient creature, hungry for gifts and gratitude.

You are his generous offering.

#yandere genshin impact #Yandere genshin #Yandere Zhongli #Yandere Zhongli x reader #Yandere genshin impact x reader #Yandere genshin x reader #Male yandere #my writing #Yandere x reader #Male yandere x reader

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textsfromthefifthbasement · 3 years ago

Text

I finally finished MAZM: Phantom of the Opera! I’m leaving the review under the cut because it’s long and also spoilers for some elements of the game that aren’t in other Phantom adaptations.

General

First off, I loved the art style of the game. The character designs were quite adorable, and it definitely seemed like they made an effort to follow the original Leroux character designs. They had a blonde Christine and an olive-skinned, dark-haired Meg. I also thought they did a great job with Erik’s character design (though there was too much hair). The sets were beautiful. The majority of the main plot of the game does follow the Leroux book, which I really appreciated. There were some favorite moments in the book that I wish had been incorporated, such as Raoul waking up to find Erik watching him sleep (don’t judge I just find it freaking hilarious), but they incorporated so many other small scenes from the book, such as the managers trying to prevent Erik from taking his salary by using the safety pin. As a history nerd, I also really appreciated the collectible notes giving historical context to some of the discussions, including about three notes on the Paris Commune/Bloody Week. I wished the characters would have had different outfits rather than wear the same outfit the entire story. At the very least, I wished they had made a Red Death outfit for Erik during the masquerade.

I also want to point out and give a warning to anyone who has suicide ideation before they try this game. Pretty early on in the story, you play an episode in which you control Joseph Buquet after he’s dropped into Erik’s torture chamber, and eventually, you have to walk to the noose and pick it. The scene cuts right before he hangs himself. About partway through the story, when you control Christine, there’s a scene in which she has to talk Erik out of killing himself with a shard from a broken vase. At the end, when Christine and Raoul go down to Erik’s house to bury him, they found that he had committed suicide.

In all, I spent about 23 hours on the game from start to finish. I still need to go back and replay a few episodes to complete the achievements. I missed quite a few of the historical notes, and there are parts where you can make different decisions to influence what happens.

In this game, the studio added a lot of subplots that didn’t exist in the book and expanded on some canonical subplots as well. I did enjoy quite a few of these.

The Dancers

Meg, Jammes, and Sorelli are all major characters in the game, and I loved seeing them have more characterization and actual character arcs. Jammes, as a character, doesn’t change as much as the others, but she is only a child. As in the book, she is pretty frightened of ghost stories, strangers, and the Phantom, but in the game, she also loves and takes care of the stray cats living around the opera house and does turn into a bit of a spitfire when her friends are threatened by the various happenings at the opera. Sorelli has a knife and is not afraid to use it, and she comes to realize that her fear of being alone led her to stay with Philippe de Chagny in spite of the fact that he would never officially acknowledge her. Meg, in the beginning, seems afraid of her own shadow, but throughout the game, definitely comes into her own and also develops a much healthier relationship with her mother.

Union

This had to be hands-down my favorite subplot of the game. In the beginning, when Moncharmin and Richard first become the managers of the Palais Garnier, they mistreat Christine and mass fire anyone who mentions the Phantom of the Opera. When Christine goes missing for several weeks, Meg, Sorelli, and Jammes finally decide they have had enough and basically unionize the ballet dancers. There’s an entire protest, a performance in which the ballerinas refuse to perform, and they end up getting a promise from the managers to stop indiscriminately firing and mistreating people.

Christine’s Ending

GUYS. When I joked about Christine just traveling the world and performing instead I had no idea that was an actual choice you can make for her. It’s such a bittersweet ending, but I personally hope that one day she would have emotionally healed enough from her ordeal to come back to Paris and reunite with her old friends.

That being said, there were also a lot of additions/changes that I…really wasn’t a fan of.

Melek

So, for context. During Christine’s first stay at Erik’s house, she decides to do some exploring while he’s gone. While in his room, she hears a woman’s voice behind a wall and goes to investigate. She discovers a hidden door, and behind that hidden door is Melek. We find that Melek is a blind Turkish woman who had been one of Erik’s servants during his time in Constantinople. She had refused to marry him, and so he had kidnapped her and had kept her locked in that room for ten years.

Yes, I have a lot of problems with this.

I think the first thing is that when Melek was introduced is when I really realized that the game was never going to go in the direction of presenting Erik as a character who was sympathetic at times and not so much at others. The game had already painted him as a very unsympathetic character up until then through showing how he had gaslit Christine as the Angel of Music. Introducing Melek really drove that point home, which was kind of disappointing seeing as how the literal point of Leroux’s Le Fantome de l’Opera was that we should pity Erik for how he was treated because of his face.

Additionally, Melek’s character just…didn’t do anything. The more she was around, the more I wondered what the point of her character was. She does offer Christine support half of the time, and then the other half of the time is her being upset because Christine wants to change Erik rather than murder him. Ultimately, it’s my point of view that her character was not a great addition to the game and would have preferred a closer adherence to the book in that regard.

Hatim and PTSD

*sigh* This part seriously pissed me off. While Raoul and Hatim (the Daroga) are in the torture chamber, Hatim tells Raoul the story between him and Erik. We end up playing through a flashback of when Hatim discovers Erik living at the opera house ten years ago. As they discuss their past, we and Hatim quickly realize that Erik has PTSD, and mentioning the Shah of Persia is a serious trigger for him. Which, alright. That does make some sense story-wise.

And then through other flashbacks, Hatim proceeds to use this against Erik. Like he literally would trigger him purposefully as a punishment. And say that he was doing it for his own good.

Like, excuse me, but. What the fuck. What. The actual. Fuck. No. Don’t ever do that, that’s shitty.

Anyways by the end I was legitimately rooting for Erik to punt him.

Erik’s Ending

In the original Leroux novel, Erik presents Christine with a choice: turn the scorpion, and she will marry him, or turn the grasshopper, and the entire opera house will blow up. Christine chooses the scorpion, kisses him on the forehead, and he is so overwhelmed by the action that he saves Raoul’s life and lets them go together. The only promise he extracts from Christine is that she will come back and bury him when he dies, which he believes will be soon. Two weeks later, an ad runs in the newspaper that reads simply, “Erik is dead.”

Yeah. The game really went off the rails here in respect to following the Leroux book. After Christine turns the scorpion, Erik pulls Raoul into the lake and leaves him there, thinking he’ll drown or freeze to death, and then returns to force the marriage. He does eventually let Christine and Melek go, as Christine tells him that she will never love him and that she believes he is a monster, all while he is on his knees begging her just to love him a little. There is no forehead kiss. To the end, Erik writes and tells Hatim that Christine is the devil, and that she abandoned him in hell and wants her to suffer for the rest of her life knowing what she did to him. Yeah, I wish I was making that up.

There is one point where Christine tells Erik it’s not her job to save him. Which I agree with. I feel like whoever wrote the story had a misunderstanding of the ending of the book, or else thought the idea wasn’t explicitly stated enough. The forehead kiss does, in some respect, save Erik. It makes him realize how badly he’s treated everyone and yet Christine is still willing to extend kindness towards him. But it’s not Christine saving him, it’s him coming to that realization on his own. Ultimately, the game traded that idea for a way more heavy-handed “I am not here to save you, I am going to make my own decisions from here on.”

And then, in the face of all that, we’re also missing Erik changing and redeeming himself despite the fact that he’s close to death. Instead, he dies while leaving basically a suicide note to Hatim saying that Christine is the devil and he made her promise to return to bury him to hurt her. Which is so out of character if we look at the book characterization.

Like I knew I was signing up to get my heart ripped out, I just figured it was going to maybe be the brand of Christine having to choose whether or not to stay while Erik dies. And damnit, I just wanted a single forehead kiss.

Anyways, I really enjoyed the game up until the ending. I just seriously disliked the ending for the most part. If you’re more of a fan of the idea of Christine being on her own and finding her own path, that is an enjoyable option to go with. I still need to play through that episode with the marry Raoul choice and see what happens with that option though.

#mazm phantom of the opera #mention of suicide #the phantom of the opera #poto #review

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slythraco · 4 years ago

Note

I love tour work sm! Please could you do a sfw alphabet for Tom?

Author’s note: yeees omg !!! I’ve been waiting for this one ! Turn in up ! 😂 (thank you for your compliment btw, means the world to me ❤️)

Masterlist

_____________

A = Attraction (how do they show their attracted to you?)

Compliments, a lot of them, all the time. He wants you to feel like the most beautiful thing in the world and it started before you even started dating. He was just so pleased by your smile when he was complimenting you so he never stopped since then.

He also tease you a lot, but it’s never in a rude way, as a genuine funny men it’s really just in his nature to annoy the persons he likes so he always make a little fun of you before making himself apologise to you by complimenting you. It’s his way of having your intention.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/why not?)

It’s a big YES ! You actually talked about it really seriously and considered having a family in a close future. Partly because Tom is already 33 years old so he don’t want to wait to much but also just because he knows you would do an amazing mother at his side.

Not that he wants to put pressure on you but he does talks about it a lot and likes to give slight clues that he wants to make a baby with you really soon. It’s actually a matter of time before you start expanding the family.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Tom’s favorite activity with you is probably it, he could spend his life cuddling with you. Something he loves to do is laying on the couch, his head on your lap as you play with his hair while you’re watching tv. He easily fall asleep in this position which can’t help but making your heart melt every time.

He also loves to lay in bed with you while you read your favorite book. You’ll have you head on his chest and it will be his turn to play with your hair or caress your skin, never failing to give you goosebumps.

D = Dates (What are dates like with them?)

Really cheesy and romantic, one thing he loves to do is prepare surprise meal so you’ll get back from work and discover the whole house decorated in a romantic ambiance. Candles, roses, warm light and Tom in his best costume. Than you’ll share the meal he either spent the whole day making and almost burn the house at least 3 times or pay someone to do it, but it’s always delicious anyway.

One day he brought you to a fairground and you both went back in childhood for a night it was magical ! One of your best date with Tom.

E = Emotions (Do they express their emotions? If so, how?)

Yes ! Tom is a very emotional person and you’re the only one that even if he wanted to, couldn’t hide they’re feeling. He’s also a really authentic person so if he’s happy he will smile and laugh with you but if he’s sad he won’t be scared to cry if front of you because he feels safe enough around you.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love)

One day he was just looking at you while you were telling him about your day while cuddling on the couch like you both love to do, and it just hit him, he realised how he loves to just sit and look at your beautiful face. He could listen to your voice for the rest of his life.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Yes, he’s the most gentle person in the world. Every time he touches you it’s always super soft and loving. He loves to caress your skin and never falling to give you chills down your spine.

He’s also super gentle in his words, he always careful of what he says to not hurt you or say something you could take wrongly.

H = Hands (Do they hold hands? If so, how?)

Yes, all the time, but literally ALL THE TIME. He just need to feel you hand in yours, so outside when you’re walking together he takes you hand, when you’re sitting on the couch, he takes your hand, even in public when there’s paparazzi following you around he takes your hand to make sure everyone knows you’re his.

Btw, Interlacing your fingers together is a must for him.

I = Impression (What was their first impression of you?)

The first thing he noticed about you is your smile, you directly seems like a sympathetic person which he loved. So he had a really good impression of you.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

A little bit, like every relationship there’s always a bit of jealous when a guy compliment you a little too much but he genuinely trust you so you are not the person to make him jealous.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who intiated the first kiss?)

Kissing Tom is always soft, passionate and just full of love. Also, you do it all the time, it’s like he can’t get enough of your lips, he could kiss them for hours if he didn’t need to breath to survive.

He’s the one who kissed you first, he just couldn’t control himself anymore that night so he kissed you in a passionate and hungry kiss and let me tell you, it was the best kiss of your two lives.

L = Love language (What are their love languages?)

Affection, Tom gives you a lot of affection, he wants you to feel loved and appreciated. He likes to cover you with kisses all over your skin, or hug you for hours. He’ll never get enough of feel your body against his.

M = Mornings (Are they a morning person? What are they like in the morning?)

Definitely not a morning person, it takes him ages to wake up, you usually have to return in your room a few times for him to actually wake up. And when he’s up, he’s really grumpy and slow in his movement, it’s funny and cute to see and you love to annoy him in the mornings.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil you? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Yes ! Your smile, is the most precious thing to him and he just love to see it when he buys you something. But, Tom offer gifts pretty rarely, one occasion like your birthday, Valentine’s Day, any important day in your couple and maybe a few times between them. But when he offers something it’s always full of meaning !

Like, one time he bought you a shelf necklace because one day, when you were at the beach without him, you took a shelf and brought it back to offer it to him.

O = Open (Do they say everything about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or overtime?)

Tom is a really open person, very talkative so even before you two were dating he already like to talk about his life considering the fact that he had a pretty crazy one. But it’s was mostly about his work and anecdotes on set etc. When he started catching feeling for you he felt comfortable enough to talk to you about more personal things like his past relationships or the problems he struggled with in the past and he just got you two even more close.

P = Patience (Do they have patience? Are they angered easily?)

Tom is the most patient guy on earth, You often wonder how he puts up with you. He needs a lot to get angry at you or anyone else, this is something you’re really wanting to learn from him.

Q = Quaint (What’s their favorite non modern thing to do?)

Take Polaroid pictures, he has that old camera that he carries everywhere and he takes photos of every moment he feels like to picture. He stock his photos in a little hidden box, sometimes you two like to open it again and just remember memories you made together. The pictures are mostly you and willow or him with you.

Your favorite picture is one you took the first night you slept at his house, you can see the naked man being the goofy Tom he is by walking out of the shower with a “hat” made of bubble from the bath you took together. It was hilarious and you two always laugh when you see the images.

R = Remember (What’s their favorite moment in the relationship?)

The first time you told him: “I love you” ! You said it without even realising it, it truly came from your heart and it surprised the both of us but it was such a important moment for Tom that he will never forget it.

S = Security (How protective are they?)

Tom is really protective, he cares about your security a lot and always gets worried when you’re about to do something dangerous and he only calms down when you’re safe again.

T = Talking (what do they like to talk about?)

Everything and anything as long as it means talking to you but the two subject he could talk for hours are dogs and music. You can sit in front of him and just nod a couple time without even responding and he would go on a full conversation about the different breeds of dogs and how they are amazing. And honestly it’s super cute to look at him all excited and passionate about these two subjects.

U = Ugly (Whats a bad habit of theirs?)

Does Tom even have defaults ? Oh yeah, He loves to devalue himself, for absolutely no reason. This breaks your heart every time and always comfort him so that he can love himself more. He’s so perfect to you that sometimes you don’t understand why he’s so hard on himself.

V = Vaunt (Do they like to show you off?

Yes...all the time, the little smile on his face every time he present you as his girlfriend is just too adorable. Then he would talk to everyone about amazing you are and how lucky he is to have you in his life. He’s just proud of himself and proud of your union.

W = Whole (Do they feel incomplete without you?)

Tom is a different person without you. When he has to leave to a set for a movie he looks a little sad. He misses you every time you’re not together and always count the days before retrieving you.

X = Xylophone (What’s a song that reminds of your guy’s relationship?)

It will rain - Bruno Mars

Z = Zzz (Are they a heavy or a light sleeper ?)

Heavy sleeper for sure, like said before you have to shake him up a few times before he actually make up so yeah. He loud snores can testify it !

#sfw alphabet #tom felton fluff #tom felton request #tom felton x reader #tom felton imagine #tom felton one shot

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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years ago

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If it’s not too much to ask, can we get a part 2 for the Chisaki meeting eri again? But this time it’s her and the other heroes trying to “save” Angel and the children but realized how much he changed after meeting Angel and his family. I bet they would be shook that this man is capable of love, I just want to read their thoughts reactions, especially Eri.

"Papa let me brush your hair!" Kin asked cutely at her father whose was reading a book. He arched one eyebrow at her request before hissing at his older son picking his pierced ear.

"Kaito you brat let go!" He growled as the boy laughed but pointed to the board of shogi on the middle of them.

"You promised to play with me!"

"Now, now.." you came with a tray of snacks and put on the coffe table, catching your kids attention as Kai let out a sigh of relief "Dont be too pushy on your dad kiddos, is not always he has a whole week of a break so he needs to rest as well."

"Thanks my angel." He sighed while letting his head rest on the back of the sofa before he almost shouted in pain when both Kin and Kaito tackled him on a hug on the ground somehow... Kin was poking her daddy's head as Kaito laughed on his back while the man only managed to mutter a dramatic 'help' to you.

You giggled at the scene before Kurono entered the room and chuckled at the scene as well.

"Not wanting to disturb the family moment here, but Chisaki." He called at the man on the floor "There are some heroes outside the gate and told they wanted to speak to you."

"Boooo!" Kaito pouted, still sitting on his dad's back as he made a thumb down as Kin hugged her daddy's neck with a whine.

"No! Papa is ours now! Heroes go away!" The dark brow haired girl whined before giggling when her father pushed himself up with a sigh and stood there hanging on his back as Kaito yelped but immediately launched on his right leg.

"It has to be now?" The male asked Chrono as he only answered with a nod. He sighed and manage to pry his kids off of him as you giggled at his almost desperation "Those two become leeches or what?!"

"They only want their daddy." You giggled with crossed arms before gladly picking up Kin as you accepted Kaito's hug. You gladly agreed to watch over haru as well since Hari asked you while he accompanied Kai.

He rolled his eyes at you before following Chrono out of the house.

"Have any idea whose sick are out there?" He sighed with hands on his pockets as Kurono shrugged while scracthing his neck.

"No.. Tabe was the one to answer it first then soon went after me." He commented as Kai gave a signal to open only to be greeted by the heros Eraserhead, Lemillon and Deku... and one person in spefic left not only him but Hari as well frozen in place as they saw her ruby eyes staring aprehensively yet determined at them.

Eri... out of all people... He had given her orders to NOT coming back after he let her go to raise a family correctly... yet, there she was.

"We can talk a bit right? You dont see occupied." Aizawa commented blantly already making his way inside the yard as the others quickly followed him.

"What is the meaning of-" he tried to speak but Lemillion beat him to it.

"Dont worry mister! Is just a quick investigation." He patted Eri's head as she gulped, looking at everywhere but in Hafi and Kai's eyes.

"Investigation for..?"

"Abuse." Deku answered which let Chisaki and Kurono almost panicking "We received an... anonymous warning about you Mr. Chisaki."

"Anonymous..." he muttered while sending a death glare towards the girl who manage to hide her gasp.

The heroes forced their way into their house as Chisaki only crossed his arms and refused to speak first. The pros only staring at each other before Deku made the first move.

"S-so! You have any children?" Kai only narrowed his eyes at the young boy but nodded his head slowly.

"How you usually treat them?" Aizawa arched an eyebrow and Chisaki felt his hives going crazy on his skin as he started to scratch his forearm.

"Are you insuaniting something? Hero?" He said nonchantly the words but Eraser didn't even flinched as Eri gulped and took the courage.

"Where a-are they?"

"Not even one of you will see my kids." He growled as Kurono closed the door... but not enough to prevent a pair of golden and (e/c)'s eyes to see what was happening.

"Why not?" Lemillion asked in concern.

"Do you hurt them? That's why you're hidding them?" Eri asked, tears almost dripping from her eyes as she stared at the two "Do any of you not remember at hurting anyone?!"

"Eri-chan." Deku put his hand on her shoulder as she controlled herself.

"We also wanted to speak to your wife at least." Kai widened his eyes at that "Hinst of abuse acn be spotted pretty clearly when we talked to-"

"I. Dont. Hurt. Them." He gritted his teeth together "I wouldn't dare to lay a finger on-"

"Only her?" Lemilliom asked with furrowed eyebrows.

Kai was about to combust before all heads were turned to the door opening as Kaito and Kin entered.

"Papa?" Kin asked in concern while patting his knee.

"What are you doing with my dad and uncle? Back off!" Kaito exclaimed while standing in front of his father.

"Kaito." The man sighed while letting his gloved hand on the boy's head "take your sister and get out. Everything is alri-"

"No it's not!" The boy shouted, surprising everyone in the room "Those heroes always think us are the bad guys but you're not dad!" The boy cried as Kai widened his eyes in shock. As he felt a damp on the place where hsi daughter was holding onto.

"Hey hey that's okay you two." Lemillion cooed at the two kids as Eri blinked in shock as well at how much these kids seemed to love him... him.

"Dont take my papa..." the little girl cried making Chisaki a bit lost as he furrowed hsi eyebrows together and sighed. Regaining his compusture and looking at the heroes with much more calmness than before.

"Give us a minute?" They all nodded and went to outside, only for Eri to lift her eyebrow up and return only for peeking at the scene of the two children weeping as Kai, kneeled on one knee, trying on his own way to comfort his children.

"What..?" Eri muttered in shock before seing a woman entering along with a white haired shaped arrow girl... The woman went to the dark brow haired kids and man while the little girl launched herself on Chrono.

The way Chisaki stared at the kids and wife was so much different than what she once knew of... It was still serious as ever but it held a bit of... emotion on it. It held love...

It was so strange seing him that way. Like the man over there wasn't the one who threatened and almost succeed on making her own blood into bullets.

She narrowed her eyes a bit to see better and saw the little amber eyed girl and the (e/c) eyed boy pouting at Kai talking with them before hugging the man tightly with tears on their eyes... Chisaki stood there with his hands up in the air awkwardly before slowly lowering them down to hug them close as well.

She gasped in shock at scene. Knowing that once this man hated to be touched...

Looking at the scene and back at the heroes she took the courage to enter again as soon as the woman and children left.

"... you changed." Was the only thing she could muster, noticing the way Chisaki and Kurono tensed at her voice before they turned to look at her.

It still remained silence before Eri clenched her hands and dared to continue asking.

"Why? Why did you let me go?"

Kai refused to look at her before sighing.

"I dont feel like you need to hear it.... but it's just.. wasn't right. I couldn't keep doing that with my son coming."

"... you changed." She smiled with a soft look "You arent the monster I remembered of." Eri spoke softly as Kai only glared back at her.

"And I remember giving you orders to go and not coming back." He growled the words as Eri only stared back.

"I had to make sure those kids were safe. After all, I have my reasons." She arched her eyebrow at him as the both man only stared back.

"You will continue this?" Kurono asked in a growl as Eri shocked her head.

"No. As long as those kids are safe my duty as a student of U.A is done."

Kai almost wanted to puke at that but still remained silent. Eri soon convinced all the heros on his yard to go back since it was nothing... he didn't know how, but they left as soon as Eri talked to them.

Kai stared at the gate as Kurono let out a heavy sigh.

"And here I thought it was about to be a damn headache eh?" He elbowed Chisaki who seemed lost in thought "... You're okay Kai?"

"... Go spend the rest of the week with your daughter blockhead." He spoke in a sigh, walking away and leaving a very confused yet happy Kurono behind.

He opened the door to see his wife sitted on a bench as his kids played on the back yard, soon gasping at seing him closing the door and walking towards them.

"Daddy!" Ths both spoke in union before hugging his legs as you came to him.

"So?" You asked in concern as Kai pulled his mask down to show a smile me before he kissed your lips, mindful of Kaito's complains and Kin's cheers.

"Nothing. It was a mistake, just that."

"Gross." Kaito kicked slightly his father's leg as he only stared down.

"... so. You two wanted me to play?" Kai asked in the most boredoom tone as his kids let out confused noises before he suddenly grabbed your waist and tossed over his shoulder. You gasping at his actions as he stared at his kids nonchantly but with a smirk present.

"Better run or else both of you will get in trouble just like your mother that wasn't fast enough." The kids gasped and run off as you laughed at him putting you down again on the bench.

"Who are you and what did you do to my husband?" You giggled as he softened his gaze before staring at his kids running.

"Let's just say I have to enjoy and apreciate the moments I have with the people I learned what the word "love" meant." He spoke before walking towards his kids to agree to play whatever they wanted as you stared just a bit before joining along.

A/n: okay I have to apologize because I dont feel this was a good work of mine neither I did a good job on the things I wanted to work out

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #overhaul #chisaki kai #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #bnha au #bnha ocs #kaito chisaki #kin chisaki #zuffer writings

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vivithefolle · 4 years ago

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I'm a bit confused. You said in one post that you thoroughly dislike Hermione and that you had no respect for her at all. Yet ... you like Romione? idk, it seems contradictory tbh. I like when Romione shippers acknowledge her flaws and messed up moments but when someone that dislike and even hate her character that much ships Romione and I see them posting about them and calling them "cute" just seems weird

I’ll share with you my whole thought process so you can understand where I’m coming from:

Itty-bitty Vivi who read Harry Potter for the first time (at 13/14, so not so itty-bitty I guess, oops): Woaaah Hermione and Ron yaay!!! They're awesome I love them! They're my OTP always and forever!! Best thing to happen in Harry Potter!! JKR is a genius!

Slightly less itty-bitty Vivi discovering the Harry Potter fandom online (thankfully years after the ship wars, else I probably wouldn't have survived): Why is there so much hate towards Ron? And why are people so opposed to Romione?? It was meant to be since the first book! Or, okay, the second book is when I realized it was gonna happen, but still! Oh well, here is a fic where Hermione berates Ron for everything and he is the only one actually working for their relationship. Cool, more Romione!

Even less itty-bitty Vivi starting her own Tumblr and going around, adding her grain of salt to debates and talking about stuff: Yeah! Ron is great! He's done bad things of course but Hermione has done her fair share of bad things too! Actually, now that I'm rereading the books, I'm reminded of this person I used to call a friend, who was quite smart and cultured but would often be very harsh to me because they claimed it was “for your own good" and “because I'm more mature than you"… I still wanted to be around them, because they were just so smart and passionate, but we often rowed and eventually they really just went too far and tried to make ME out to be the bad guy and most people believed them because they had a reputation as someone cool and logical while I was known for being emotional… wait, what the fuck, that's… that's exactly what happens in the fandom with Ron and Hermione! What the fuck, was I Ron? Admired their intelligence, praised and supported them, fell in love even but was met with scorn and open disdain?!… no, no, come on. Hermione wasn't that bad.

Vivi rereading Half-Blood Prince (and no, this wasn't about the canaries, but about what Hermione was doing after): Oh my god she was that bad.

Vivi as she ponders alternately: Wait, what about JK Rowling? What does she think about all that? What was her intention, what did she want to accomplish with the characters? I know books belong to their readers but if I want as objective an analysis as possible I must try to understand her thought process while she wrote.

Vivi learning about a staple of British literature called “literary alchemy”: The quarreling couple!! Sulfur and Mercury, the Red King and the White Queen, who must marry for the story to end happily!! And their union is represented by… a rose!! Oh my god, that is brilliant, that is so cool! Romione was ALWAYS going to happen, I knew it! Ha!

Vivi discovering the “[Ron] needed to make himself worthy of Hermione” quote: Wha… but… what? Worthy? As if Hermione was some sort of precious trophy or whatever? What the hell? Wait, Ron had to make himself worthy of her but Hermione didn't have to make herself worthy of him? Is it because Ron is the boy or some shit like that??

Vivi going through JK Rowling's interviews and finding sexism and double-standards galore: Yep, it's because he's the boy. And that bit about Hermione being based off herself when she was younger… ouch. And to top it off the scriptwriter pretty much worshipped Hermione…

Vivi rereading the books again: Is it just me, or does Ron hardly ever get any praise or acknowledgement from the adult characters? Meanwhile Harry and Hermione get stuff like “as good as Charlie Weasley" or “brightest witch of her age"! And, damn, I used to side with Hermione because I love cats, but she was completely awful in POA! She apologized but then the plot made her out to be right even then?? And I always thought her Yule Ball entrance was kinda over-the-top, but damn if that's not compensating for something! Also what the hell, I get that Harry is suffering and all but will someone PLEASE pay attention to the fact that Ron is being bullied BY A FOURTH OF THE STUDENT BODY AND NOBODY SEEMS EVEN REMOTELY CONCERNED????? Also what the hell is wrong with the sixth book, I never liked it much but it's like it's trying to make every character look bad, wtf?? And, and, holy shit I never noticed but Ron was asking legit questions during the Horcrux Hunt debate but Harry kept deflecting or mocking him but it's still Ron who had to apologize in the end??? And I've read a whole post about how Hermione punching Ron is the appropriate reaction for a very small child and not a supposedly “mature" character, and that Harry had to SHIELD RON FROM HER, oh my god?? It's… oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with JK Rowling?

Vivi, in denial: Well, Harry Potter is decidedly not a romance. It's about love, but romantic love is quite far down the priority list when it comes to it. JKR has herself confessed that she wasn't too good at writing romance, and I don't blame her because writing romance is hard. But I did enjoy Romione! When I was little I saw it coming from a mile away, granted I was already savvy in literature but that must have been because she was doing something right! And then the sixth book happened… the sixth book which… which was released after the Harry Potter movies were being filmed, wasn't it?

Vivi looking up the timelines: Oh my god. Oh my god it's even worse, the movies were being discussed before Goblet of Fire came out. Come to think of it, I always found that the Trio felt… different, after Prisoner of Azkaban. Harry and Ron especially felt like they had gotten dumber? And Hermione was suddenly explaining everything when exposition used to be split between her and Ron…

Vivi, in mourning: So that's what happened. Ron ended up being shortchanged to make Hermione look better, because Rowling was fonder of Hermione than she was of Ron, and the scriptwriter too come to think of it. Curse you, Steve Kloves!!!

Vivi, who is nothing if not what Pokémon fans call a nostalgiafag: But… but… yeah, it sucks that Ron was shortchanged, and actually yeah it's a freaking travesty and I WILL freaking spread the world about this, mark my words, but, but I still… I can't help it, when Hermione “looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt" I melt too. When Ron compliments Hermione or tries to take care of her as much as he can I… it still does something to me, I still find myself rooting for them even if I know there's the awful sixth book and the stupid post-Locket beatdown. Their kiss, for God's sake, I've just realized that Ron may have swept Hermione off her feet physically, but it's Hermione who jumped him, you could say Hermione metaphorically swept Ron off his feet!! God damn it, that's good, that's so good!

Vivi, at war with herself: No, I can't let myself be blinded by nostalgia!! The facts are that Hermione shows borderline abusive - even actually abusive - behaviour, this can't be denied! I don't want to root for an abusive relationship! I don't want to root for a relationship that relies on my favourite character being dumbed down to work!!!

Vivi, about to uncover the secrets of the universe: … wait a second. I don't have to.

Vivi, having an epiphany: Reading Solstice Muse's Romione fanfics gives me such happiness because she just gets the characters! She doesn't portray Hermione as perfect and never fucking up, and she always treats what happens to Ron with respect… Well, especially since she can't play them off as a joke since she often makes Ron the POV character. But, yeah! I can still like Romione… if it's well-written. Which, well, isn't the case in the original books… at least, isn't the case anymore after Rowling's bias got the best of her. Even though they do have their great moments.

Vivi, finding purpose in her life: I am going to spread awareness. I am going to tell the world. Fuck, just rereading the books, I've noticed how blatant the favouritism is and how unbalanced it can be. No wonder the fandom seems to collectively scoff at Ron - the books themselves do whenever it's convenient for them! The fandom plays favourites, because the author herself played favourites, and the worst part is that she didn't even realize it! Imagine you spend your life getting into traumatic situations out of love for your friends who always receive compassion and validation for their feelings about said traumas, but YOUR trauma is hardly touched upon and in the rare case it is, it's only to be mocked or used against you… Fuck! You're a piece of work, JKR! And the fandom just swallows it whole like a bunch of lobotomized snakes! Screw it! Screw it, I'm going to say it like it is, and I'm going to say it LOUDLY! People are going to hear about what Ron goes through and we'll see if Harry and Hermione look like the only ones worthy of therapy then!!

Present day Vivi, as she scrolls through the (heavily filtered) Romione tag on AO3: Ugh, another Drarry… and another… and another… oh, a Hinny-centric fic for a change, cool but I'm looking for more Romione than that, sorry. Gah, why is it that Romione appears as a secondary ship everywhere but they can't get their own stories? I've just seen a Snupin come up for God's sake! Oh, finally, a full Romione!! *clicks* … … … awww that was so sweet. Kudos! Okay back to the search… oh, another one!! *clicks* … … … it's Ron-bashing. It's Ron-bashing and it's not tagged Ron-bashing and that's why it showed up in my search AND I'M GOING TO FREAKING RIOT-

#vivi answers #ask #romione #ron weasley #hermione granger #ron weasley defense squad #ron weasley defence squad #ron x hermione #harry potter series #anti jk rowling

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pyraffin-drgo · 4 years ago

Text

All Heavy interactions in Poker Night at the Inventory.

For you to interpret however you wish.

Video Version

(They have [bootleg movies] in your country?) "I like movies, yes." (Yeah, like what? [Lists movies]?) "No. My favorite are The Dirty Dozen and the first twenty minutes of Rocky four."

(We can talk Tetris?) "Hmmph. Tetris is baby game." (Tetris Attack keeps it hood!) "Why does everybody think I love this Tetris? It is just stacking!"

"[To Strongbad] Tiny Heavy." (What is it?) "Do you get the nightmares?" (I get the jibblie nightmares. [Describes silly nightmare, shivers].) "I am talking about the visions of endless suffering. Dead doctors everywhere. Spy can not be found. (No, but that sounds like the Jibblies.) "I do not like these 'jibblies.'"

"Strong and bad. How is boxing career?" (These. Are. My. HANDS!) "I was boxer, once. In school. We have to either box or learn to herd goats." Silence, looking concerned. "I am not good with goats..." (Too much information, man.) "At first, I do not like punching other boys... But then I learn to love it." Punches his palm menacingly.

(Find any rare drops lately?) "I do not understand." (When you get a kill, you get a present?) "When I get kill, I get honor of team." Smile drops. "Sometimes... I also get nightmares. A man does not go home to his wife and children." (So, no loot?) "Oh! You mean hat! Yes, I love hats! Sometimes, I get these. They are the best."

(Hey, Heavy. You know any hot Russian spies?) "I hate spies." (But you gotta have the inside line on some deadly minxes.) "You want hot spy?" (Am I not wrestle man?) "I have friend who gets you a hot spy. (Get em on the two-way, man!) "His name is Pyro." (Tycho, to Strongbad: The spy is hot because it is on fire.) (Oh...)

"[To Tycho] What do you do with life?" (Me?) "Yes. What is possible with tiny, frail body?" (I occupy myself with simulations... of various kinds.) "What is these?" (Struggles to explain.) (Strongbad: He lives in his parent's basement.)

(So, is there a Mrs. Weapons Guy?) "No. Sasha is my only love." (Sasha kills people, I presume?) "No." (Oh?) "WE kill people."

"[To Strongbad] Maybe you and I box?" (I can't risk my beautiful face, it's the franchise.) "We spar. For fun." (I don't think so.)

"Strong and bad. You wrestle? With mask?" (No, I'm a wrestle man, not those hack wrestle-LERS.) "Not like Iron Sheik?" (No, Iron Stake is a LER.) Heavy nods. "Hmm. This is too bad."

(So how long you been with those Team Fortress fellas?) "I do not understand." (The game's been on Steam for like 3 years. I imagine there was some audition process?) "Ohhh! Yes, I understand! I kill many men VERY quickly." (Excuse me?) "I kill record number of soldiers, and I am commissioned to join RED team."

(Mr. Weapons. I am in the market for a new firearm. [Specifications].) "Hmm, for you I do not recommend minigun then. You know, there is this fast baby man that annoys me greatly with shotgun." (Oh! Oh! What are the available options? I'll spring for leather!) "Da, this is good for you. I suggest Force-A-Nature." (I'll tell them [shop owner] Heavy Weapons Guy sent me.) "It is no need. I know guy."

"I will make hat from you, little bunny." No reply from anyone. A reference for the player to the Max hat in TF2.

"You look familiar, bunny." (How closely do you follow the Manhattan Crime Blotter?) Also a reference to the hat, Tycho then takes over conversation.

(If I need someone snuffed out, what's your going rate?) "Five hundred thousand U.S. dollars." (Steep.) "Cash." (You can do it discreetly?) "Sasha... not so discreet." (That's fine.)

(How did you guys hear of the inventory?) "My engineering friend brought me one night."

(This reminds me of the time Artie Flopshark rigged an entire poker tournament to pay off his loan shark.) "I know of this. This is respectable profession in motherland." Conversation is stolen by Tycho.

(This reminds me of [story]!) "I am reminded of time Engineer kill my entire team." (Damn Heavy, that's... heavy. Sorry to hear that.) "I search entire base for him. He tries to kill me with turret and mini turret, but I crush his toys like they are made of paper." (Sounds like crappy toys.) "Then I find him. Hiding by teleporter. I take his gun away from him. He tries to hit me with wrench! Hahohoh! So I take wrench away from him. I take his wrench and shove it down his throat, all the way down to the handle." (Christ!) Heavy laughs. "Then I rip off all his fingers one by one!" He talks while laughing. "Lets see you build toys now!" He breaks out in laughter. "There's blood- everywhere! And- he's crying!" More laughter. "I think he cries out for mother, but- but-" Crumples over laughing. "The wrench is stuck in his throat! And it sounds like-" Makes choking motions and noises then laughs. "Is this not the funniest thing??" (Horrified looks) (Head shakes slowly.) (That's some bleeped up bleep, man!)

(How about you, Heavy weapons? I'm guessing you're a vodka guy?) "Peach Bellini. But bubbles can give me headache."

(Mr. Weapons, how do you like your line of work?) "It is good. There are many benefits." (Oh! Like a free pass to snuff out bad guys or a waffle bar?) "Both. And full dental."

(I wonder if this dump is haunted.) (I hope so! Roughing up who can't die is fun!) "...I do not like ghosts..." (It's okay, Mr. Weapons. I have [extensive experience]. I can handle a few ghosts.) "...You will take care of ghosts for me?" (You bet cha!) Heavy nods at him. "I like you, tiny rabbit."

[Story including a union] "I am union. RED local six fifteen." (You guys unionized?) "Eh. It was necessity for group medical."

"Tycho. This sweater, is special equipment?" (No, standard issue.) "You have no class specific head gear?" (Got a motorcycle helmet that protects from 100% of UV rays.) "This sounds beneficial."

(Why do you keep calling me 'Tiny Heavy'?) "You are Heavy. Tiny. No? You are RED team. You have killing gloves of boxing. You earn these for being great killer! You should try out for RED team." (Hmm. Guess I could join your team of ruthless killers and lame hat wearers and watch you get grenaded by 8 year olds.) "You will take many bullets before dying I think."

(Hey, Heavy. I just finished [Russian fantasy book]. Ever read it?) "No." (Oh. What's your favorite book?) "I prefer war." (Ah, War and Peace. Tasteful.) "No. Just war." (Art of War?) "Nyet." Silence. "I like 'Tsar Hunger' by Leonid Andreyev. You know this?" (...No.) "Is classic."

"You have hands like young girl." (I keep them shits moist.) "...So you are more of sneaky, stabbing type?" (In an extreme circumstance, I guess.) Heavy looks at him suspiciously. "I keep my eyes on you." (No, no no- I wasn't implying that-) Heavy looking at him angierly. (Shit.)

(Ever listen to music while you work?) "Yes! I just buy new walkman." (What gets you in the killing mood? Icelandic death metal?) "I just get Huey Lewis tape. Keeps spirits up on battle field."

"[To Tycho] You have woman?" (Not with me) "She is pretty?" (Yeah, cute, glasses, red hair.) "She has the red hair??" (No, Heavy! She is not on the other team! Don't have to kill her!) "No. But I love the red hair!" (Well, you can't have her, either.) Re-used image of Heavy looking at him angrily. (Well, maybe we can work something out.)

(Hey, Heavyman. You think you can 'take care' of the King of Town for me?) "I can assassinate king, yes. It is expensive, though." (By take care of I meant sneak in and shave off half his mustache.) "I am not best at sneaking." (Confront him in a dark alley then?) "This is better. That way blood wash away in rain."

(You have any interest in moonlighting?) "WHAT? I am not moonlighter!" (Just a little work on the side with Sam and me beating up goons!) "Oh. I can not do this." (C'mon it's fun and free!) "No, I am sure it is." (Then what's the problem?) "I have non compete." (Ah, yeah. Lawyers.)

(All these aces reminds me of [weird dream]. You have any weird dreams, Mr. Weapons?) "I sometimes dream that I am killed. There is blood everywhere. (Tycho gives him a weird look) But then I wake up and I realize this is ridiculous! Nobody can kill Heavy weapons guy! (Riiiight...)

"[To his chips] This is good Solider. This one is good Doktor. You are demolition man."

"Saaaandvich, sandvich, I love you sandvich!" (Would you like someone to order you some food?)

"Blue man." (Tycho.) "Tycho. What college do you go to? You are educated, no?" (Actually, no.) "No?" (I studied at Gygax Polyhedral if you catch my drift.) "I do not. This is good school?" (Uh. The best.) "I went to Soviet College of Mines, Farms, and Science. I have PhD in Russian literature." (Do you.. use that in your work?) "More than you think."

"Tiny Heavy, who is your favorite to kill in war?" (Those discount three-pack green helmets.) "To kill spy is glorious thing! How about you, Max? You are killing type." (My favorite enemy? Like asking me to choose between my children!) Heavy laughs. "You crack me up, little bunny!"

(Hey, Hefty Bag, you ever play video games?) "Just one." (Oh yeah?) "It is called-" (Tycho: WoW?) "Nyet. That is not popular. It is called 'Where's an Egg'." (Strongbad: I love Where's an Egg!) "Where's an Egg is as big as Tetris in homeland."

(Concerning your firearm, whay caliber we talking?) "Big." (What, we talking 300 Weatherby Mag here?) "Bigger." (50 cal, whereabouts?) "Bigger than 50 caliber. They are hand made custom tool cartridges with classified diameter." (Why's that?) "So enemy canmot use ammunition. But Sasha can chew through theirs." (Diabolical!) "I think so." Nods.

(Alright, big pretend killer man. Tell me the most awesome story you have with plenty of senseless violence!) Heavy thinks. "When I was boy, I was at camp, being trained in many ways of combat." (Assassination camp for kids! This is gonna be good!) "There was sparrow sitting on fence. Snow falls quietly around me. Without notice, another boy jumps from behind tree and kills sparrow with throwing knife. The boy runs away." (And then??) "I pick up sparrow, and hear his last breath before digging him tiny grave..." (Tycho crying) (Max silent) (That's not even a little bit funny, man.) Heavy shakes his head solemnly. "No..." Sits back. "It's not."

(So, what do you do for fun?) "Clean Sasha. Use Sasha... Clean Sasha again." (Proper maintience is crucial.) "I also collect old coins." (A fellow numismatist!) "Which I melt down to make custom bullets." (Of course.)

"I am hungry for sandvich." (Then order a sandvich, man.) "Oh, I can not have sandvich! I become unstoppable killing machine!" (Yeah, maybe order a water.) "Is best."

"You wear blue sweater." (All the time.) "What are you?" (Haven't we went over this?) "You are not Scout. Maybe very tricky blue Spy? Maybe... new class?" (I can use a keyboard to sabotage your entire team, steal your intelligence, and have your sister delivered to my doorstep in one afternoon. Yes, I'm a new class.) Heavy, shocked, "This is true??"

(Hey, Heavyman, what's your living situ-aysh?) "I live in RED barraks. Is nice. There is foos table." (How about taking a room in the house of Strong?) "There is vacancy?" (First you'll have to dump the current person in your room.) "This is enemy?" (He won't put up much of a fight.)

Hope you enjoyed, spent most of the day copying all these down. The non-Heavy lines are paraphrased for shortness. Heavy's are full, how they are in game.

#long post #tf2 #team fortress 2 #heavy #tf2 heavy #heavy weapons guy #poker night #poker night at the inventory #neat

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psalmonesermons · 3 years ago

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David J Meldrum shares how he first encountered Christ.

The testimony of David J Meldrum

You are good and what you do is good; teach me your decrees Psalm 119:68

My plane touched down in Scotland on a dull, grey, January day and I felt miserable. I had just spent what, at that time, had been the happiest month of my life in the USA. Now, back in Scotland, everything I cared about was thousands of miles away.

It had all begun more than a year earlier when I started university. I was going to St Andrews to study and one of the first people I met was an American girl who was in Scotland to study for the year. What happened was that we started seeing one another regularly and fell in love. Most of that year we were together. At the end of the summer she had to return to the States to complete her studies, but, by this time, we were very serious and wanted to spend our lives together and so we were confident that we would be seeing one another again come Christmas. As it turned out, instead of her coming back to Scotland, her father offered to pay for me to spend Christmas in their home. I accepted and it was wonderful.

Now, back in Scotland, the thought of being apart until the summer was painful and I felt very alone. I tried to do some studying in the university library, but my mind was on the other side of the Atlantic. So I packed up my books and went back to the residence where I was staying. I wanted company, so I went to the common room where some guys were together, chatting. I found it interesting when the conversation became about people's views of what heaven is like. Some people have unorthodox ideas!

Anyway, I didn't think too much about it until the next day when one of these students knocked on my room door. When I answered, he reminded me of the conversation and gave me a card inviting me to a meeting of the university Christian Union where there was to be a talk entitled, “What is a Christian?” I took the card, but had no intention of going along. I was feeling low and lonely and most certainly did not want to be pursued by people I considered to be “religious fanatics”.

Nevertheless, when the day came, I found myself making my way to the meeting with a couple of Christians. I didn't want to be there and felt very uncomfortable. When the speaker started his talk, for the first time in my life I heard the gospel of Jesus Christ presented in a way which really challenged me. The fact was that I had been in church on Sundays most of my life. I believed there was a God and so I concluded that I was a Christian. However the speaker made it clear he believed a Christian is someone who has a personal relationship with Jesus.

Now I was in a really awkward position. I was already feeling low and now I was faced with the possibility that I might be on my way to hell. There was a battle going on inside of me. One voice was saying that I tried to be a good, moral person and that I was ok. Another voice was saying, “But what if what the speaker said is correct?” I knew for sure that I did not have a personal relationship with God.

I was really challenged by this and wrestled with the issue internally. Then I had an idea. I had always had a respect for the bible, so I decided I would try to find out what it said about a relationship with Jesus. I knew someone who had a bible and actually read it regularly, so I went to ask if I could borrow it. He agreed and I went back to my room where I read all of Matthew's gospel. I still hadn't found the answer to my dilemma. I thought maybe Mark's gospel would tell me, so I kept on reading.

Shortly after this, the student who had lent me his bible came to see how I was getting on. I tried to explain the battle that was going on inside me. He listened and something he said caused me to break down in tears. Sensitively, he made no attempt to push me into making a decision, but rather got up and withdrew from the room.

However, by this time I knew I had to make a decision. I felt as if I was being torn apart. The speaker at the meeting had given me a gospel tract and, at the end, there was a prayer for anyone who wanted to have a relationship with Jesus. I got down on my knees and surrendered my life to God. I didn't hear angels singing or feel anything special. However that night I slept soundly for the first time since my return from the States.

And so began my relationship with Jesus who came to earth to be the Saviour of the world. My Christian life had begun, but there was so much I did not yet know or understand. Now, many years later, knowing the love of God and his nature which is good, kind and forgiving, it seems strange that I should have been so hesitant to get to know him --- his love, his forgiveness.

The amazing thing is that Jesus didn't come for “religious people”, or “good people”, or “special people”. He came for anyone who is willing to accept his gracious offer of love, forgiveness, and eternal life. And when we begin that relationship with him, our heart changes and our desires change as we live our lives following the one who truly loves us and wants to be our best friend.

DJM

For a printable copy with photos (and many more teachings) please click on the link below

https://www.psalmonesermons.com/post/the-testimony-of-david-j-meldrum

#psalmonesermons #christianity #bible study #bibletruth #blog post #blessings #faith #personal testimony

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yukipri · 4 years ago

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Marco’s Bauble Part 4 - a One Piece Mermaid AU Text Story

Next part of Marco’s Bauble! Was posted in advance on Patreon ^ ^

In which the Whitebeards gossip

Contains mention of Marco x Luffy.

Continues off of, and should be read after:

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 1

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 2

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 3

Namur values his crew's privacy. And given that he doubts he was even supposed to see Marco's secret, he absolutely can't disclose it to anyone.

Which is why he's snuck into Izo's room at ass o'clock in the morning, when everyone but the morning shift is asleep, but Izo's awake because he takes a few hours doing his hair and makeup.

"This had better be good, I don't usually enjoy an audience before I'm presentable," Izo says.

Namur doesn't really get what's unpresentable about Izo now. Sure he looks different, with his ridiculously long hair still loose and spilling to his waist, pulled back from his face with a seemingly simple band that Namur saw Izo drop a small fortune for. Izo's plucking up various bottles of liquid lined up on his vanity, methodically shaking a few measured drops into his palm before patting them into his face. Namur doesn't see any difference before and after the drops are applied.

"It's...it's not my secret to tell, but no one else seems to know, and I need to talk to someone, it's too big for just me," Namur says, reluctantly. "But you can't tell anyone, Izo, I mean it."

Izo just hums in response, and Namur sweats. He seems to be doing a lot of that these days. Maybe he needs to take a few days to just swim, being above sea level for too long can be stressful for fishmen.

Because this is already seeming like an increasingly bad idea. Izo isn't known for being particularly good at keeping secrets; if anything, he's a known gossip. That being said, he's also one of the best listeners aboard the Moby (it's how he gets his info), and more importantly, is the third best person to go to for good, thoughtful advice.

The best person to go to for advice is, of course, Pops, but Namur wilts at the mere thought because it really, really isn't his place to talk to Pops about this without Marco's consent. And unfortunately, the close second for Best Person to Go to For Advice is none other than Marco himself, everyone's Big Brother and caring Mother Hen Supreme.

And, well. It's not like Namur can go to Marco to talk about Marco.

"Well, I'm waiting," Izo says, and apparently he'd gone through his entire lineup of six little bottles of mysterious liquids, and is now blotting some paste onto his skin with a weird brush-like contraption. Namur squints, but can barely see any difference between the areas with the paste and without.

"Please don't tell anyone, unless they already know," Namur stresses again, praying.

"Yes, yes." Izo continues blotting.

"Marco proposed to someone."

Izo continues blotting.

Namur sweats.

Izo's hand gradually slows, and Namur realizes he's finished covering his entire face. Namur sees zero difference.

"Just so we're clear," Izo says, as he finally turns to face Namur. "When you say 'Marco,' we're talking about the fire chicken one, and when you say 'propose,' we're talking about the marriage, weddings, and babies type?"

"Babies?!"

No, no, that actually hadn't crossed Namur's mind, but it's there now, and he knows logically that devil fruits don't work like that, but his mind is suddenly filled with the image of an entire school? flock? of tiny colorful winged merbabies, and he's oh, oh NO they're so cu--

"Namur! Focus, please!"

Namur blinks. He doesn't know when it happened, but one of Izo's eyebrows is more defined than the other now.

"Yeah, that Marco," he confirms. "And I, I don't know about...the last thing, but yeah, if successful, usually the kind that results in marriage type."

Izo's oddly calm, and is facing his mirror again. He frowns momentarily, but then smooths his expression and begins applying his other eyebrow. Namur realizes that Izo's able to keep his face so smooth because he wants to draw on his face evenly, and that's actually quite impressive. Though, he has no idea why Izo needs more eyebrows, when he already has perfectly normal ones growing on his face.

"Who's the boy who stole the stupid pineapple's heart, it must be someone we know," Izo says, voice light.

Namur wasn't exactly planning on disclosing this much, he'd just wanted someone else to help him think of how best to support their brother's potentially upcoming union, but Izo's definitely not taking no for an answer, and that's a fight he knows he can't win.

"It's Ace's little brother, the one Thatch went to go fetch," he says reluctantly. "And even though she's his 'little brother,' she's apparently a girl, and a mermaid."

There's a clatter, and Izo curses. Namur tries to peer at Izo's face in the mirror, and notices a weird black blob by his eye that Izo's now trying to delicately smudge off. It wouldn't have been there in the first place if Izo hadn't been trying to poke himself in the eye with the weird brush thing. Namur really doesn't get this makeup business.

"You're telling me," Izo growls, and Namur flinches at the irritation, though he gets the feeling it's directed mostly at the eye blob. "That Marco's straight? I could have sworn he was gay!"

Namur blinks at Izo.

Izo blinks at Namur through the mirror. The eye blob makes his face look slightly crooked.

"Oh, right," Izo mutters, picking up his brush with face distorting ink again. "I thought Marco only liked guys like that, so it surprised me that he likes a girl. Maybe he's bi. Don't worry about it, it's a dumb human thing."

"Oh," Namur says, and yeah, he's heard vaguely about humans being weirdly obsessed with only liking a specific gender or two. It's a very foreign concept that Namur doesn't really get because it doesn't exist on Fishman Island, and romance stuff rarely comes up on the Moby, shockingly enough, or at least in front of Namur. But he's glad Izo doesn't seem too upset, because that would upset Namur. Namur's never met Ace's little brother, but he imagines she'd look so very charming next to Marco, given how in love Marco looked when he was sending off his proposal. He wants to root for them.

"Although, hm, does Ace know? I doubt he'd be very happy about Marco sweeping his dearest little brother off her feet, er, fins," Izo says, seemingly more relaxed now that his face distorting paint is cooperating. His face is now even, although his eyes actually do look different now, more like the Izo Namur usually sees. It's fascinating.

"I don't know," Namur confesses, and he's suddenly feeling very glum at the thought of their little fire cracker baby brother not being happy. Even though Ace didn't formally join, he's still their littlest brother, and Namur's very fond of him, and has honestly lost track of the number of times he's dived into the sea to fetch the reckless kid. He was honestly devastated when Ace said he was leaving. It's alright now, now that Namur knows it was just to bring home Marco's future bride, but he hopes Ace will be supportive too.

"And how did you know he was proposing?"

At this point, what does it matter what else Namur shares? "Well..."

By the time Namur's done answering all of Izo's questions on Fishman Island courtship and Marco's respectful application of it, Izo's done with his face.

"Well, that was certainly a fascinating talk," Izo says with lips the color of a raw fish's innards. "Now I'll have to kick you out before I do my hair. At least I finished my face."

Namur knows he's been excused. "Thank you for your time. Also, it looks very nice, your face," he says politely as he gets up. It seems awkward not to comment on it, after having watched Izo work so hard on it for the past half hour. "Although it looked nice before too. I like the eye paint."

Izo pauses contemplatively, then nods. "That's an acceptable compliment. Thank you. Now, shoo."

"So, who's the wedding for?"

Izo jolts as Haruta settles his tray on the other side of the table.

"What wedding?"

"Don't play dumb. You're planning a wedding. I noticed some of our books were moved in the library, and you were the only one who was in there before me. You were looking up Grand Line marriage traditions, and going through shitty wedding magazines that no one's touched in a decade," Haruta rattles off as he stirs his soup, and Izo inwardly curses.

He thought he'd placed them all back where he'd found them, but alas, apparently nothing gets by Haruta's observation skills, and his talent for butting into business that has nothing to do with him.

"And given the selections, I'd say it's not for you." Haruta continues, as though he knows Izo's tastes by heart and sadly, he probably does, and not just Izo's but the whole crew's. "So someone's getting married, or they're thinking about it, and you're planning. I want to know who."

"You're a nosey little shit," Izo says, because he knows there's really no point in denying it to Haruta without tangible evidence, which he lacks. He's also too tired to deal with this shit, because he did his hair in a hurry in order to make it to the library before everyone woke up, which means it's slightly less perfect than usual. And being anything less than perfect is a truly exhausting business.

"Mm-hmm," Haruta says, and momentarily seems distracted by his plate. There's a tiny, almost imperceptible frown on his lips, and Izo only recognizes it because he'd had the same thought.

The food's by no means bad, and they have many fine cooks on the Moby. It's just, it's a little different, without Thatch's personal touch. Izo hates that their brother's temporary absence is so tangible. Damn him for going on his little vacation.

They continue their meal in silence, and Izo hopes that Haruta's forgotten, his mind having moved on to terrorizing other innocent brothers. Izo thinks he might be able to get away, when Haruta gets up right alongside Izo to return his tray.

"So who is it?" he repeats, as though they hadn't just sat in thirty minutes of silence, and Izo wants to tear out Haruta's hair in frustration, because Izo would never tear out his own hair for any reason.

"It's none of your business, don't you have work to do?"

"My work is knowing stuff. Tell me."

"This isn't something you need to know. That's what I'm telling you."

"Nice try. Lemme guess. Is it Marco?"

Haruta laughs at his own joke, and promptly walks into Izo's back. Izo tries to get over his momentary freeze, but the damage is done.

"Holy shit, it's MARCO?!"

"What happened to Marco?" Vista has the absolute worst timing in entering the cafeteria, because he's standing directly in front of them. He already has his sword sheaths removed from his belt, no doubt so he can polish them in a corner after he's done eating, as is his usual ritual.

Haruta's eyes are blown wide, and Izo wants to stop him but no one can out-talk Haruta when he wants to talk, so it's like watching a cannonball hurtling towards an inevitable collision.

"Marco's getting married."

Vista never drops his swords.

Vista's swords clatter to the ground.

And now everyone inside the cafeteria, and those in the line forming outside behind Vista, all stop to stare.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

And as always, comments/reblogs/tags always immensely appreciated!!! People sharing their thoughts with me motivates me to write so much more, and update more frequently, so thank you so much for everyone who’s so kindly done so in the past!! ;A;

(The next part’s already up on Patreon if anyone wants to read in advance <3)

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

Read the next part: Marco’s Bauble, Part 5

~This ask has been added to the Mermaid AU Text Headcanons Compilation post~

#OnePieceMermaidAU #One Piece Mermaid AU #Marco the Phoenix #MarLu #Whitebeard Pirates #MaLu #Monkey D. Luffy #genderbend #text headcanons #fic #longpost #long post

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xanderwithanx · 3 years ago

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Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

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