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appendingfic · 5 years ago

Text

Sooo...

@c2ndy2c1d made a pretty fantastic comic, Rockababy (found here), which I would totally recommend reading. And if you can, bookmark and comment on it - good creator engagement can help them with further development on the comic, and I selfishly want to see more.

And I was really inspired and was in a place in my writing cycle that I wanted some (3,500 words worth of) shipping fic so.

I hope y’all enjoy!

Observation

Rating: T

Fandom: Rockababy

Ship: Richie/Shifty

Summary: The facts are undeniable - Richie has been watching Shifty very closely. To what purpose, however, Shifty is determined to find out.

Shifty was sitting at his workbench, but unlike other times, there was no gadget or technology to work with at it. Just a notebook - identical to the dozens Richie kept in his room, observations on aliens - more detailed, now, that he had regular access to all the species that had found their way to Earth.

Identical in all respects except for one.

This notebook's contents were exclusively about <I>Shifty</I>. He steeled himself to open the book again, page through notes that were both more detailed and less focused than he was used to from Richie's writings.

"Not ticklish," was scratched out, bold letters next to it reading, "Ticklish at base of spine/tail - DO NOT TOUCH". Richie had inadvertently (Shifty hoped) discovered that fact during one of their photo sessions, documenting the regrowth of Shifty's tail. The memory almost brought a smile to Shifty's face - Richie had been mortified, blushing as he apologized fervently from across the room when Shifty had nearly bolted off the exam table at the touch.

"Has a sense of humor", another page read. "Not slapstick - not observational. Absurd? Smiled at a pun - denied it BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH". Shifty actually smiled at that.

Another was a list of foods, apparently random unless you had been studying Shifty's tastes. Next to the word "Chocolate" was a doodle of Shifty's natural face, frowning. The discovery Shifty didn't like chocolate had seemingly depressed Richie, and Shifty still wasn't certain if he'd disappointed Richie by failing to enjoy that particular human treat. The page after that was another apparently random list of foods, again, unless you'd been trying to determine what foods Shifty liked. Six fruits were circled, lines drawn from them to a margin where Richie had written "FRUIT", and, next to it, "even Durian?" There was a doodle of Shifty's face - natural, again - smiling next to the word "peanut butter", and a line drawn between that and "bananas", a wholly intriguing proposition Shifty vowed to explore later.

There was something crossed out with heavy lines next to the word "suckers" - the only letters Shifty could make out were "OR-" and "-IXA-", and the tail end of a question mark. As he had no idea what the note could have been, he left it alone.

Especially as there were other, more puzzling notes filling the notebook. A list of numbers which had been mystifying until Shifty recognized one as his normal body temperature, at which point, the others included a startlingly accurate indicator of at what temperature Shifty started feeling cold. There was a number underlined several times, which Shifty recognized as the temperature the fever he'd had two months ago had pushed him to, and a rambling series of notes that Shifty recognized as documenting Richie's frenzied attempts at treatment when Shifty had finally admitted he was sick (not that the NESB didn't have perfectly adequate medical care, but Richie had been adamant Shifty shouldn't have to recuperate in their medical lab or, as Shifty had suggested, handle it himself).

Dozens of drawings - of the patterns on Shifty's skin, of his hands, of his tail. Detail of his face - or attempts, as Richie had scribbled over each one. Shifty stared at one such attempt for a moment before flipping to find the doodles next to the lists of Shifty's favorite and least favorite foods. Looking at those drawings, he couldn't pinpoint what had frustrated Richie about the others - the disappointed frown on drawn Shifty's face felt true to life, and while Shifty didn't see his own smile much, the delighted cartoon Shifty looked - much the way he felt when one of his friends drew a smile out of him.

The notes were clearly the work of months of observation - most, if not all, of the period of their...acquaintanceship (friendship. They were friends. The first people who'd seen his natural form and agreed to raid a corporate lab to rescue an infant alien were his friends). And Richie must have been keeping it with him most of the time, as Shifty had discovered the notebook on the couch when Richie had last visited.

So...months of observations. At first glance, somewhat scientific, unless you'd seen Richie's other work, and realized how little of the notebook's contents lacked the - objective veneer he maintained for other work. The notes he included with the photographs of Shifty he submitted to the NESB were professional, and rarely included any of the banter Shifty had to keep up to distract himself from the vague discomfort of being under such close examination.

This notebook was more of the same.

...Technically.

For all it didn't involve the complete suite of photographs sitting in an NESB lab somewhere, the notes were more intimate. They all touched on things that no one should know without having been close to Shifty. It wasn't that he suspected Riche were keeping the notes to - sell them to tabloids or something ("Aliens Love Peanut Butter" wouldn't sell papers, he guessed).

But not knowing what Richie was trying to accomplish with this left Shifty a little uneasy. They were supposed to hang out the next day, ostensibly to study for their calculus final, although both of them were far beyond needing the additional help, which meant it would be a perfect opportunity to get some answers.

Ms. Cunningham answered the door when Shifty arrived at their home, eyes brightening at the sight of him. "Blueberry!" she said, kissing him on both cheeks as she stepped around him to step outside, ignoring the flush on Shifty's cheeks (in human guise, it at least remained confined to his face). "I assume you're here to see Richie - he's in his lab, while I'm off to mine." She pulled Shifty in for a hug before letting go and stepping back to grin at him. "So you boys have fun, and make sure Richie eats."

"Oh - absolutely," Shifty replied, watching Ms. Cunningham drive away. He stepped inside; the Cunninghams had opened their home indiscriminately to Shifty, and he'd only recently become comfortable with it. He knew they had good reason not to worry about him wandering around their home, even if he was expected. He didn't have much reason to wander, of course, except, taking Ms Cunningham's comment into consideration, to bring Richie a sandwich (and experiment with the notion of peanut butter and bananas for himself).

When Shifty descended the stairs into Richie's home lab (an examination table, a desk, and a couch that had migrated down there at some point in the last several months), Richie barely looked up from a notebook he was writing in, at least until Shifty set a plate down next to him.

He looked up and smiled at Shifty, an open, bright expression that made Shifty glad he hadn't let his human form drop, because his tail had developed a traitorous tendency to wag when Richie smiled at him.

"Your mother said you should eat," Shifty said as an explanation.

"Oh, yeah, thanks." Richie picked up his sandwich, took a bite, and set it down again. He twisted around to look up at Shifty, a frown almost taking over his mouth before his expression smoothed out. "Did you want to get started on studying?"

"Come on," Shifty replied, leaning against the desk so he could look down at Richie's notebook (neat, organized, nothing like the one in Shifty's bag). "You and me have studied enough. I'm just here to keep you from starving to death."

Richie looked back at his sandwich, and picked it up for another bite, apparently focused on it while he ate, although Shifty was certain Richie kept glancing sidelong at him.

"You're, uh. Just trying to keep me fed?" Richie asked. There was a tone to his voice, almost - lilting, and Shifty suspected he was being teased.

"Well, I also wanted to ask you about something you left at my place," Shifty replied. "It probably fell out of your backpack or something-"

"I'm sorry!" Richie blurted, holding up his sandwich between them like a shield.

Shifty, who hadn't expected such a violent reaction, stood, shocked, until he saw jam leaking from the bottom of Richie's sandwich. He caught the drop before it could hit the floor and licked it off his finger.

When he actually looked back at Richie, Richie was staring at him.

"What?" Shifty demanded.

"You...aren't mad?"

"I don't know," Shifty replied. "I'm not sure what you're apologizing for."

"O - oh." Richie's cheeks flushed as he looked away from Shifty. "I thought you found the. Uh. Pictures."

"The drawings?" Shifty asked, and somehow, Richie's cheeks went redder, his entire posture tensing into something that made it look like he was about to bolt.

"Richie?" Shifty asked, leaning forward, realizing only as he reached out to Richie that he'd dropped back to his natural form, pale, clawed fingers coming to rest on Richie's shoulder.

"I kept some of the photos," Richie said. "The ones you didn't really want the NESB to keep because they were a little…" He trailed off, and Shifty, remembering the discussion and in his natural form, felt his whole body blush, because.

Richie had tried to be professional when taking the pictures, requesting standard, clinical poses, but even so, some of them had ended up looking a little-

Well, like the pinups Boomer had implied Richie kept in his room.

"It just seemed a shame, because they're good pictures, and you look really - you look good in them. I haven't shown them to anybody or anything, but…" He trailed off, staring at his feet, and if Shifty were inclined to hugging anyone besides Buttons, he might have tried to hug Richie to calm him down.

Except while Richie had panicked over the photographs, the mention of drawings seemed to have freaked him out worse.

"Can you maybe tell me what you found?" Richie asked, voice a little reedy. "So I know what I'm freaking out about?"

"It was a notebook," Shifty replied, pulling the book out of his bag and handing it over. "At first I thought it was one of your alien data books, but it was - about me, and sort of...personal?"

"I'm sorry," Richie repeated, snatching the book out of Shifty's hands to clutch it against his chest. "I wasn't like - secretly trying to find a way to hurt you or anything. Obviously, I've been paying attention if there was anything you were allergic to because I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I got you killed because you had a peanut allergy or something."

"You also appear to think it's a tragedy I don't like chocolate," Shifty pointed out, and Richie, who'd seemed to be calming down, flushed ducking his head to hide it behind his notebook.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"Don't be," Shifty said, settling against the desk so he could lean closer to Richie, squeeze his shoulder in a way he hoped was reassuring. "I mean, it's a little weird - and it's sort of driving me crazy trying to figure out what it's for-"

"I just wanted to figure you out," Richie said. When Shifty didn't respond immediately, he continued, knuckled still white from the strain of holding onto his notebook. "Like - I thought maybe I didn't understand you because you were an alien, so I started paying attention. Like if you were allergic to anything, or if you're ticklish or sensitive-"

"If I can get sick," Shifty interrupted, bringing Richie up short, quiet as he considered that.

"Yeah. And I didn't really have friends before, so I was also trying to figure out friend stuff, like what you liked, what you didn't-"

"I do like puns," Shifty said. At Richie's slightly shaky stare, he shrugged. "It's fun, playing around with words like that."

"I…" Richie's gaze drifted down to his notebook, one hand twitching; it was almost certain he was fighting the urge to document this new revelation immediately.

"You can write it down," Shifty said gently. "Now that I know it's just you being - observant, I don't mind."

"Oh." Richie set the notebook down and flipped open to the page on which he'd mused on Shifty's sense of humor, making a few notations on it. "Thanks."

"Don't worry about it," Shifty allowed. He eyed his own sandwich, forgotten in Richie's panic, wondering if it was safe to start in on it again. Probably not; this conversation didn't feel over yet. "I liked the drawings of me in the notebook. They're - good." He paused a moment, trying to sort out his thoughts. "I liked the little cartoons."

Richie scowled. "They're dumb. I only drew them because I can't get your face right when I'm drawing it seriously."

"I don't think it's dumb. That smiling face looks like - how I feel when I'm smiling."

"...Oh." Richie closed the notebook, but didn't move after that. "I'm glad. That you aren't upset. I don't want to upset you."

"Hm," Shifty replied. "I don't think you would. Do anything that would upset me." And now that he was...observing, considering facts with an assessing eye, Shifty had a - hypothesis.

Richie had been watching Shifty <I>very</I> closely. He had in his possession photographs they had both decided were a little - much for the scientists at the NESB to see. And there were...drawings, somewhere, that Richie didn't want Shifty to see.

Without his conscious input, Shifty's tail began to swing behind him, a slow horizontal drag that Richie had probably been watching Shifty closely enough to interpret. Shifty leaned over Richie, finding he liked the idea of - testing his hypothesis.

"You've been watching me pretty closely, haven't you?" he asked. And Richie had taken his eyes off of Shifty, because when he looked up, his face paled and he licked his lips, a nervous swipe of his tongue.

"Yeah, but not in a creepy way-"

"It's a little creepy," Shifty pointed out. "I'm pretty sure there's a drawing of the marks just above my tail in there. And I don't have much chance to look at it, but it's a pretty good likeness."

Richie closed his eyes. "Sorry, I-"

"Where did I give you the impression I minded?" Shifty retorted, and Richie's eyes snapped open, jaw dropped, and he just...stared.

"Wha," he croaked out after a few quiet moments.

"It's a little creepy for - professional interest," Shifty continued, as he let his tail continue to sway behind him. "But if it's a more - personal interest." He paused, hoping he hadn't read this embarrassingly wrong, or he'd never be able to face either of the Cunninghams for the rest of his life. And then he leaned down just a little more, so the next words were spoken just next to Richie's ear. "That might be a project worth - exploring."

In Shifty's defense, everything he knew about flirting he'd learned from television, and the "bad boy" type he'd sought to emulate always acted this smooth.

In Richie's (as Shifty learned later), no one had ever hit on him before.

So Richie's startled flailing resulted in a bruised and slightly bloody nose on Shifty's part, and a possibly fatal case of embarrassment and remorse on Richie's, as he sat as far away from Shifty as the couch allowed while Shifty iced his nose.

With Richie licking his (metaphorical) wounds at giving Shifty literal ones, Shifty suspected he would have to speak up if he ever wanted to resolve this.

"I'd sort of like to know," Shifty said, at last. When Richie looked up, his eyes were almost looking wet, just on the edge of tears.

"What?"

"If you're just - looking, or if you. Want," Shifty concluded, finding the words awkward to force out. "Me," he clarified, and he probably shouldn't have, because his face was starting to flush again, which meant it was a matter of time until it encompassed his entire body. "Because if you do, I'd. Apparently, I like smart, sweet guys who care about. Snakes." He wasn't certain how he'd managed to make this sound more awkward than it already was, but. Here they were. Shifty with all of his cards on the table, and Richie.

Staring.

He was used to Richie staring - Richie was the budding xenobiologist, and whether Shifty was in human guise or his natural form or somewhere in between, Richie wanted to see anything he did that was out of the ordinary. But he wasn't used to watching Richie staring, and Shifty suspected if he ever had, they might have had this conversation a while ago.

Because Richie's gaze dragged over Shifty, along the frills on his head and arms, the patterns along his skin, including the heart-shaped one on his forehead, the pointed, inhuman head, and his tail, from the tip to the base, where Richie knew Shifty was - sensitive.

Richie pressed his palm against the end of Shifty's tail, a feather-light touch. And then he trailed his palm along the frills, a lighter touch, if possible, and Shifty shivered. Richie's gaze shot up to meet Shifty's, eyes wavering, wide, afraid.

(Shifty dismissed the thought that Richie was worried what Shifty would do, but that left as the only possible conclusion that Richie was worried for Shifty.)

"Gentler treatment than I'm used to," Shifty said, winking at Richie. "Seeing as I live with a kid with grabby hands." When Richie didn't move, Shifty flicked his tail to brush the end against the back of Richie's hand. "You can keep going."

Richie's gaze shifted from his own hand back to the lazy waving of the tip of Shifty's tail. And the next touch was - firmer, more present, if still tentative. Shifty grinned and twisted around toward the back of the couch so he could provide Richie access to his tail without discomfort, even if he had to crane his neck slightly to watch Richie draw his hand along the frills of Shifty's tail.

It was - intimate, if at the same time a step back from some of the - implications of what they'd been talking about. Still, the slightly dazed expression on Richie's face faded over the course of several minutes, and gave way to something more - analytical.

"So," Richie mused. "There's some. Stuff. We haven't talked about. About your species and. You. And." His voice rose throughout his stuttering statement, until Shifty decided any amusement he took from Richie's slowly-growing discomfort would be cruel and a diversion from Shifty's - well, not ultimate goal, but his most immediate one.

So Shifty tugged his tail from Richie's grip and crawled the short distance that separated their bodies, leaning up just enough to kiss Richie. Just a press of lips, more a statement of intent than anything.

Richie didn't jerk backward - but only just. His cheeks were red, and he was looking at anything but Shifty. "What-"

"You were working your way up to a question," Shifty replied. "I was giving you an answer. As for romance, that's a yes. As for kissing, that's a yes. As for - other concerns, I figure we can...explore that question in further detail if the rest seems to be working out." Shifty smiled, aware the slow, deliberate expression was likely one Richie hadn't seen before, a notion confirmed at the distant, glazed expression on Richie's face (either that or the promise that any forays into more complicated activities would come with the expectation of scientific inquiry and rigor, even if Richie and Shifty were the only people who ever benefited from it).

Shifty leaned back in toward Richie, pausing this time when he was almost close enough to touch. "Soo," he drawled, grinning. "What's the verdict?"

Richie crossed the few remaining inches to press his lips against Shifty's, and then press forward to - experiment, Shifty realized, to observe and detail his findings. Shifty grinned against Richie's mouth at the thought, surging forward to contribute to Richie's obvious desire to explore.

They passed an hour or so that way, before Shifty dropped his head onto Richie's lap, looking up as Richie traced along the marks on Shifty's face, face fixed in concentration, until that concentration faltered and Richie gave Shifty's mouth a strange look.

Shifty smirked. "What's that look for?"

"Your smile is - you're really pretty," Richie stammered.

And Shifty might have - suspected Richie thought that, but hearing it sent a thrill along his spine, and his smile widened. "I guessed," he replied, "seeing how you kept all those photos."

Richie ducked his head away, covering his face with his hands. "Oh god, please don't bring that up. It's embarrassing."

"Is it?" Shifty asked, stretching out (and not failing to notice how Richie's gaze darted toward Shifty's stomach as he did so). "Then maybe we could talk about the drawings that came up earlier."

It would take some time, Shifty suspected, before he got a straight answer about those (even if Richie's embarrassment was incredibly telling about the nature of said drawings). But Shifty was certain enough about his intentions, and Richie's own, not to worry overmuch about it. Richie had better things to occupy his time with, now, anyway.

#fanfiction #fanfic #writing #rockababy #c2ndy2c1d

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arofili · 4 years ago

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how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community,

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

#silm #silm fandom #silmarillion #fan culture #tmi anna #(for real this time sjdfhdkfh)#tefain nin #long post #anon #answers

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tank-grunt · 4 years ago

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Hi I just wanted to say you're one of my fav blogs.... I love reading your posts and they fuel my love for this game!! Anyway--I'm actually here to ask if you have any favorite headcanon about Tank or tank/Johnny because I'm always interested in that 😳

awww thanks! as for favorite headcanons, uhh... hmmm. i have different headcanons based on the different games they appear in together so i’ll uh, categorize those i guess (also warning: long. i am very dramatic and thus am prone to waxing poetic about how i perceive a relationship)

sims 2 pc - tank is just a repressed gay with no idea how to cope with it because of ... you know... everything. he can’t recognize his feelings, he doesn’t know how to cope with them, and he’s so frustrated by everything all of the time because of the kind of home he’s grown up in that all the wires are being crossed, and he’s kind of an asshole to people who don’t deserve it because of that. in theory he really, really likes johnny... johnny’s nice, he’s handsome, and likable... but that’s also why he really, really dislikes him and is supremely jealous... he isn’t in a place where he can realize anything positive he feels. tank doesn’t get why his pulse speeds up or his face flushes when johnny’s around, he doesn’t know why he craves his attention - for anyone else it should be obvious, but for him there’s just too much going on. but he knows when he sees johnny surrounded by people who like him, he wishes that he were johnny, and he knows he’s an alien ... tank knows what to do with that.

in theory johnny could have really, really liked tank too - he’s fit, athletic, he can be witty and goofy and creative - but... johnny doesn’t get to see the part of tank worth liking. the parts that he would like, that he likes in others already. tank won’t show him. tank can’t afford to be vulnerable! so because of tank’s issues, he causes issues for johnny and johnny only sees the tank who is kind of a jealous repressed loner. and he’s already friends with ripp through ophelia so he’d already be aware of how tank isn’t exactly brother of the year as golden child to ripps scapegoat. and with no way of figuring out that the way tank’s treated isnt actually any better, johnny’s a bit biased. but johnny’s bio says he dreams of being a hero on a white horse, so i always kind of interpreted that as something of a hero complex - so i imagine he’d soften quickly if he had any idea the full extent of whats going on.

oh, weirdly, that segues into -

sims 2 psp - not a very romantic headcanon - more about coping with circumstance - but theyre both victims of abuse from buzz and johnny knows it.

but so is ripp. so they’re not close, because johnny can see how the brothers are pitted against each other and he doesn’t like it... but johnny understands tank now, he understands why he’s like that, and he can’t really bring himself to be angry with him or blame him, even when tank is preventing his escape. he still has a hero complex. he sees the way tank has been hurt. he sees the way ripp is hurt, too. but he just can’t be mad. the fact he’s held captive by buzz isn’t the only reason why he hates him so vehemently, so passionately. he hates that he can see a father treat his sons so callously, so cruelly, and can’t do anything about it.

not that he’d put up with tank’s bs... but just sometimes trying to reach out, trying to talk sense into him. and maybe, because the nicest guy he knows is making some good points, maybe tank has doubts. maybe he questions buzz. johnny is very convincing. it’s not his fault!

basically im a sucker for the hurt/comfort of johnny’s kindness and his bluntness and courage helping tank realize that none of whats going on is right, or good.

sims 2 ds/gba - i believe in ds/gba era tank/johnny supremacy, first and foremost - it’s always good! but there’s just something so nice and comforting about it in ds/gba... from their perspective, things are so different and yet also so similar... and there’s a certain kind of comfort with each other in seeing how different they’ve become, but how familiar they are. how they’ve grown and improved, and forged a healthy friendship and connection... and they know each other better than anyone else in town at that point - everyone is either dead, or left town.

and the idea that tank just regularly comes into the pawn shop just to see johnny because he’s grown up and he knows how to follow his heart now... and johnny really is all he wants. maybe all he’s ever wanted, really. and johnny likes that. happiness is a good look on tank, and he likes seeing tank. you ever notice how johnny sells lotto tickets with tank’s face on them? i like to think he designed them himself, because he ... you know, likes tank. likes to see him.

when johnny’s not busy at the pawn shop, when tank’s not busy running the medical center he lives in... i imagine theyre supremely cheesy together. i mean, tank totally goes out of his way to help johnny around the pawnshop. i’ve always personally viewed johnny as supernaturally strong without trying, but i mean... us legbets just loooove to watch objects of our affection lifting things, and i can totally imagine tank just casually lifting things to impress johnny. he’s a bit humble but he likes attention from johnny, always has. and yeah, johnny can outbench him, but he enjoys the view.

and i KNOWwww that tank primarily lives in his dumb little medical center bunker he’s running, but i like to imagine that johnny has an apartment above the pawn shop (um, in the ds version anyways, it doesnt seem like the gba version has one but ... you know tank does spend a lot of time with a telescope up there sooo) and they live together, with a cat. its a very nice, domestic life that they’ve worked hard to manage with each other, and they’ve earned it

sims 4 - they’re gallery sims with no relationship or connection with each other but it’s an alternate timeline so i like to take advantage of the fact :)

you know everything i wrote about tank having a crush on johnny he had no idea how to deal with? i love the idea that it’s the reverse in sims 4 timeline. tank in every other appearance he’s had has been so... insecure, reserved. but tank in sims 4 is confident! outgoing! athletic! ... johnny doesn’t stand a chance. he’s just a useless bisexual and he thinks tank is really cute and doesn’t know what to do about it... but how convenient for him, tank doesn’t have the same problems that really stood in the way of a relationship that he had in sims 2.

lyla’s ghost being around to shape the household post-mortem has definitely had positive effects on the family - the grunt siblings have better relationships with each other, they have their mother to guide them and intervene if buzz is ever unfair to them, and to question his authority...

tank knows johnny likes him, in this timeline, and he’s a bit smug about it. but its ok! he kind of likes the scrawny green kid too. so what if he shows off a little more lately to get his attention? so what if he gets a little close in the hallways at school? whats a little kissing between homies?

#bulletin board #this is so long i am so sorry.#simpuke

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otonymous · 4 years ago

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hiii, first off i love your works 🥺💕 they’re so good and that angst 😪👌 gorgeous. sooo, i myself am also a fanfic writer and tbh that’s what i’ve always specialized in when i first started writing. that’s why when i say this, it honestly hurts me a bit... but i feel like i’m gonna outgrow writing fanfics. what makes me feel sad is that, i don’t actually want to outgrow it. i just feel like at my age i shouldn’t be writing it or smth along those lines. like whenever ppl ask me my hobbies my immediate thought is always writing. then they proceed to ask what genre and i always feel kind of scared to say fanfic since i feel like i’m kinda getting old for that... i still love reading it ofc, tbh it’s better than a lot of actual books i’ve read. but i just feel that if i say it out loud people will judge me. (that last one is more of a self confidence issue but yeah 😞) seeing you and other fanfic writers rlly inspire to continue doing it but i’m not rlly sure anymore ig. i still love writing it, i do. but ig i’m just scared to tell others? i’m not sure... but what would you do 👉👈😞

Hello dear Nonny!

Thank you very much for your kind words! I really appreciate all your support! 💖

Furthermore, thank you for sending me this very important Ask. I honestly think it’s something that a number of fanfic writers may come across at some point or another. Let’s examine this question from a few different perspectives.

1) Many famous authors write fanfiction

Just for the record, there are a slew of published authors who have written fanfiction at some point in time.

Naomi Novik, for instance — founder of the Organization for Transformative Works (from which the Archive Of Our Own is derived!) and author of Uprooted— wrote fanfiction. So did Andy Weir, author of The Martian. He wrote fanfics based off of Ernest Cline’s awesome Ready Player One.

(Check out this article by Catherine Kovach on Bustle.com for more!)

So as a fanfiction writer, you’re in good company. It doesn’t make you any less a student of the craft than someone who dabbles solely in original work.

2) Everyone doesn’t need to know everything

That being said, I still feel you, dear Nonny. You may be at a party, meeting new people, and the question inevitably comes up: “So, what do you do for fun?”

And while there is no way of knowing beforehand who would be absolutely thrilled to have a fanfiction writer in their midst (for the record, I know I would’ve been even if I didn’t write them myself), there is also a chance that some people may not understand it. And that’s perfectly fine too. If you think about it, belonging to a fandom is a very special thing. You, along with massive numbers of others (depending on how big your fandom is), have some sort of common ground which serves as a source of joy, fun and excitement. It allows you to connect with people from all walks of life, all over the globe. I know my life is enriched by the fandoms of which I’m a part of. It’s honestly a wonderful thing.

But to the uninitiated, the concept may seem a bit alien. They might not get it. And if you’re concerned about what they might think to learn about your beloved hobby for any reason, then I would be inclined to say that they don’t need to know everything.

So if I were to find myself in a situation where I was uncomfortable with full disclosure, I would just simply state that I write fiction. Romance, fantasy, adventure, horror, comedy, sci-fi, etc., all of these genres are found in the wonderful fanfics I’ve read. If someone were interested in finding out more about what you write, try describing it in those terms.

3) You never outgrow the things you love

Based on your Ask, dear Nonny, I get the sense that you feel like some things have an “expiry date,” that once you reach a certain age, you should’ve moved beyond things you loved and enjoyed in the past, such as fanfiction.

There are some people who are old and grey and still live their lives to its fullest, smiling with a twinkle in their eye that makes them seem much younger than their years. And then on the flip side, there are people who seem much older than they really are, perhaps by the way they carry themselves. My point here is that age really is nothing but a number, and (biology aside) you are as old as you choose to feel. No one has the right to dictate what is deemed acceptable behaviour for another person of a certain age, as long as what they’re doing isn’t hurting themselves or others.

I’m aware that societal pressures exist, that we may feel like we have to conform to what others expect of us — family, friends, etc. But we also have to remember that at the end of the day, this life is ours to live. And it would be a very sad life indeed if we lived it solely according to the standards of those around us, allowing ourselves to be stripped of the things we hold near and dear, such as hobbies we thought we should’ve outgrown.

There are times when I like to engage in a thought experiment that goes something like this:

If this were my very last day on earth, what would I most want to do? What kind of life would I have liked to have led? What do I want to be remembered for?

Time is precious. We can’t afford to waste it on caring about what others think of us. Chase what makes you happy, my dear. No one has the responsibility of living your life but yourself. And it is you that you only need answer to.

I hope this helps you in some way, shape or form, dearest Nonny. I wish you the best of luck in your writing journey. 💖

- XOXO, Otonymous

#q&a #anonymous #thank you so much #hope this helps!#fanfiction #advice #writing advice #life advice #naomi novik #ao3 #andy weir #ernest cline #source: giphy

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twinklecheeks · 5 years ago

Text

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 8

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does. You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.

Warnings! Pregnancy, Mentions of sex.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6, Part 7,

Word Count: 1.4k

Since last night, all y/n could think about Jeff telling her that he loved her! She doesn’t know whether it’s her actual feelings or her hormones making her crazy. She didn’t think that Jeff would try to step up and admit his wrong doings. Was she still in love w/ him? How is she gonna survive the weekend in Big Bear w/ him AND David??

Jeff: *texts y/n* Hey, I’ll be there in 20.

Y/n: Okay, see you soon :)

Y/n pov:

*talking to the mirror while doing makeup* Ugh fuck me. I hope I look cute. WAIT what the fuck am I saying? It’s only Jeff. But he’s the father of your kids. But you haven’t broken up with David yet. So you can’t think that way. Jeff probably thinks you look gross anyways. Last time he fucked you, you had a bangin ass body and now you’re a beached whale. Ugh the last time he fucked me… That was… Ugh, I’m getting horny just thinking about it… David is sweet and gentle but Jeff is something else. They way he would- Why tf am I thinking about fucking Jeff before an appointment? I swear these hormones mess with me at the wrong times... Jesus take the wheel!

Jeff: Hey, I’m outside.

Y/n: I’ll be down in a sec.

Y/n: *looks in the mirror one last time* Please don’t be a dumb bitch today…

Car Ride

Y/n: Heyy, you nervous?

Jeff: A little. They’re not gonna poke you with needles and shit, right?

Y/n: No but if they see something wrong, they’re gonna have to.

Jeff: Oh I hope not..

Y/n: So how was your Thanksgiving?

Jeff: It was boring as usual. My mom asked me questions about my dating life.

Y/n: Really? And what did you say?

Jeff: That I was on a break… But Karyn knew something was up.

Y/n: Did she drag you to filth?

Jeff: Maybe…

Y/n: That’s why I loved Karyn. She’ll always tell you anything straight up.

Jeff: *Smiles* Good thing she did.

5 month Ultrasound appointment

Doctor: Well hello y/n, your belly sure has grown.

Y/n: Haha I definitely feel it growing.

Doctor: *sees Jeff* And your name is?

Jeff: Oh I’m Jeff, I’m the father.

Doctor: Well, I’m glad you were able to join y/n today. You excited to see the babies?

Jeff: For sure. Can you also do the 4D ultrasound?

Doctor: Since my next appointment isn’t for another 2.5 hours, I’ll be able to do it.

Y/n: *lifts up her shirt*

Doctor: *Put’s the jelly on y/n’s stomach* And those are your 2 little girls. Looks like one of them is a little shy today.

Jeff: Wow. It’s really them. Two girls. Two little princesses.

Y/n: *looks at Jeff in the eyes* Yeah. Two little princesses.

Doctor: *turns of the heart monitor*

Jeff: *speaking in his head* Two little princesses. Two strong heartbeats. Boy you were fucking stupid to ever have treated y/n the way you did. I’m gonna be a dad to two girls. Fuck, I swear if any boys hurt my baby girls, they’re gonna fucking regret hurting my kids. If one or both of them are into girls, then it’s y/n job to chase after them. I don’t care how my kids will turn out in life, I just know I will love them no matter what.

Y/n: *looks at Jeff* Are you okay?

Jeff: *has tears in his eyes* Huh what? *wipes his tears* Nah I’m good. Totally cool.

Doctor: And now I’m going to switch to the 4D, and those are your babies.

Jeff: They kinda look like aliens.

Doctor: All babies on 4D look like Aliens haha. Oop it looks like the shy twin is being a little troublemaker already. It looks like she’s giving us the middle finger.

Jeff: Yup she is for sure daddy’s little princess already.

Doctor: I’ll print all the pictures out and do you mind if we run some tests on both of you today? When it gets to the halfway mark, we like to run tests on both biological parents to see if there’s a chance of abnormalities with the child. We can see on both ultrasounds that everything looks fine but we’d just like to make sure.

Jeff: Yeah sure. How long would test results come back in?

Doctor: Since it’s getting close to Christmas and not many people are coming in at the moment. Might come back in 48-72 hours max, might be even faster.

Y/n: Okay that’s fine.

*After the appointment*

Y/n: Was it just me or were you crying at the appointment.

Jeff: Cryin? Haha you wish. It’s allergies. I think some dust went into my eye.

Y/n: Okay big tough guy.

Jeff: You hungry?

Y/n: That’s the dumbest question you can ever ask a pregnant girl. Of course I’m hungry!

Jeff: In n Out?

Y/n: You know me too well.

Jeff: You nervous about the test results?

Y/n: A little but no one that I know of in my family has a condition or anything.

Jeff: Yeah neither do mine. Karyn’s kids came out just fine.

Y/n: Hopefully the results come back after we get home from Big Bear cause we’re already leaving tomorrow.

Jeff: You were also gonna break up with David after…

Y/n: Ughhhh. Why does so much have to happen during the holidays?

Everybody meeting at David’s house the next day (12/14/19)

David: Okay so in my tesla, it’s me, y/n, Natalie, Jason, Zane, Jonah and Suzie. In Toddy’s, it’s him, Jeff, Matt. I know the rest of Jonah’s family is coming. Carly and Erin are driving up with Mariah & Heath. I feel like we’re missing people.

Jason: I think that’s everyone.. .I don’t know. This is a big group.

Natalie: Not to mention that there’s more people coming later.

Y/n: David, can I talk to you?

David: Yeah sure.

Y/n: Sooo, Jeff apologized for everything the other day…

David: He did? When was this?

Y/n: About 2 days ago

David: So you’ve kept this from me for 2 days? I thought you would’ve told me sooner…

Y/n: Ummm I don’t know where all this attitude is coming from but I didn’t need to tell you. He is the father of my kids after all, not you.

David: Well thanks for reminding me… Maybe you can ride with him since he’s the father.

Y/n: If you’re going to keep acting like this because Jeff is actually doing something right for once, THIS is not going to work out between us.

David: If that’s how you feel, then so be it.

Y/n: Fine then. *turns to Carly* Hey, can I ride w/ you & Erin?

Carly: Of course.

*Everybody stands around awkwardly after seeing what happened*

Car ride to Big Bear

Carly: Wait, David actually got mad at you because Jeff apologized?

Y/n: Basically. He came at me with an attitude but didn’t think he was in the wrong when he said he still liked Madison during a lie detector test. But whatever, I’m pretty sure we were a fling anyways.

Erin: Yeah we lowkey thought that too.

Y/n: haha what.

Erin: Well, you know how excited he is about babies and how easily he gets baby fever. It looked like he was getting close to you because of it.

Y/n: That’s what I said to Jeff!

Carly: So do you think you and Jeff are gonna get together?

Y/n: I think it’s too early to tell. I still don’t completely trust him. Remember, he’s on a trial rn. Awww but he did cry at the ultrasound appointment the other day.

Carly: He can cry?

Erin: I thought the botox in his face prevented that

Y/n: GUYS STOP MAKING ME LAUGH OR I’M GONNA PEE.

Okay so I KNOW that this chapter was ehh BUT it’s because I wrote 3k words and I decided to split the chapter into 2 because I wrote A LOT. A warning for the next chapter, most of it is pure filth and I demand y’all get some holy water.

Comment if you want to be on the taglist!

Taglist: @elvlogsquad @siemprestan @zavidzobrik @galxydefender @iminlovewithenchilidadas @ilsolee @ranprivate @one-sweet-gubler @thoughtfullymysticalpoetry @sunwardsss @shamalamashams

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jawusa · 5 years ago

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Goldie’s Adventures on the Moon - Day 4

Chapter 4: Pagoda in the Shadows (The Finale)

To my own surprise, I actually enjoyed the past three days on the moon! At first, I was soo looking forward to returning home again, I was complaining about every single thing there and didn't even let anyone cheer me up! Suddenly, it was completely the opposite on the last day? I felt something I never felt. I wasn't even homesick or missed any of my friends at school! I did wonder though how my friends back at school were doing... how my sister Candy was doing. She must have given birth to her baby already... whether it's a girl or a boy? Either way, she hadn't contacted us ever since we arrived here on the moon, but that's what Candy usually does anyway, so this didn't surprise me... not even a little bit! Anyway, yesterday, when I was hanging around in the zen garden, Rhett found an old map which was apparently buried in the frontyard of some old teahouse/or wherever he was spending his time in these days. It looked like a treasure map, but this can't... just... HOWW? It doesn't make any sense, does it make sense? No, it doesn't. Get it! But my father was so keen on that map, so I just had to go along with them! Either way... the map was not even complete! It had some directions... but there were in fragments and there was no info about the exact location. Let alone where to find the treasure at all...? But for some reason, Dad and Rhett were convinced they'd find it once we arrive there anyway!

The map was seemingly leading to nowhere! We left the little colony named Moonbase Apollo (which was the only colony anyway in that area?) I didn't look like there were others... the surrounding area was completely empty, looked sad and deserted... somewhat creepy, too! For a second or two, I thought I'd hear something, but no, there was this absolute silence! Sometimes, I even had the impression, I'd hear my breath... or my blood in the veins. I tried to keep myself calm and tried to pretend that it never happened, I just kept breathing and breathing and breathing... but it never seemed to end! The "treasure hunt" was getting creepy as well! I wondered what this "treasure" is... and where all of this led to? I really began to question everything... even questions like "Are we going to make it out... alive at all?" or "What if this map is just a trap? Who buried it there at all... how did Rhett find that in the first place?" Also, we shouldn't have gone without knowing much about the place! We should have asked the locals around town! Suddenly, we saw some creepy looking rocks and behind these rocks, there was a mysterious pagoda in a dome. The dome looked much like the other buildings downtown. But this one here was different! It was nestled in a tiny crater and it was at a quite high altitude (compared to the other places)... between the rocks, we could even spot the colony - Moonbase Apollo from the distance. This remote place was creepy indeed! I couldn't even tell whether this was a forgotten/abandoned house once... or whether some sinister organisation constructed this thing here on purpose... to spy the people around the colony, which might be a thing, since the area was covered with those large rocks!

Anyway... we entered the dome and were dazed by what we saw! There was such a dense garden and bamboo forest... with an old bridge and all... the pond surface was all filled with waterlilies everywhere! It didn't look well-tended at all! No, much the opposite! There were weeds everywhere! The water was full of algae; the air around there felt rather humid and wild! Whoever belonged this garden to, they either did a lousy job at gardening... or they deceased a long time ago and nobody even noticed! Well, I hoped it was the first theory, because I didn't want to believe in the other one. I was really NOT interesting in seeing any ghosts!

When we had a quick look around and there... there was this shrine thingy again! I and Rhett tossed a coin once and it brought us both luck! So, Dad wanted to toss a coin as well. I wanted to warn him though, because... that shrine looked way different than the ones I and Rhett had used. Something about the shrine was odd, it didn't look cute or promising at all... this one here looked rather creepy! But Dad had the strong impression, he'd find the treasure in there... so, he tossed a coin!

I remember this eerie red-ish smoke which was emitted right away when he tossed the coin into this devilish shrine. All of sudden, he got a whole swarm of...

Moon-bees? (or how should we cal them?) chasing him! As if this wasn't enough, I heard eerie sounds from above! There... I knew it! THIS PLACE WAS HAUNTED! THERE'S A GHOST UPSTAIRS!!!! Rhett tried to calm me down and he'd say things like "Yeah, you've watched way too many of those stupid soap operas on TV..." and all... which, ehh? I didn't anyway? And they're everything but stupid! HIS... whatever he's watching on TV shows are stupid! Sheesh!

Poor Dad, though! I really felt sorry for him and was also scared of what's coming next! I remember seeing this one Horror movie where the Goths would go on vacation and then be trapped by aliens in this creepy tomb! I just KNEW the same would happen to us, too! Since... you know, we ARE on the moon and there were many, MANY aliens wandering around here! I didn't want to follow Rhett, I really didn't! But I couldn't have let him go on his own, too! He insisted on going upstairs to see what's going on... and I just couldn't leave him behind, could I? Either way... I had goosebumps all over my body! This clearly wasn't it!

"Hey, check this out! You can see all the gorgeous ladies from here above!" "Rhett!! Stop being a jerk, this is serious! I'm scared and look what you're doing!" "I think, you're exaggerating Goldie..." "DIDN'T YOU SEE THOSE MOON-BEES ARISING OUT OF NOWHERE??!!" "There were so many plants down there, I bet Dad just upset the bees, that's all! There's no supernatural things going on here.. this's just a place where you can stalk... ahem, just look at other sims... who are uhmm.. good looking!" "Whatever... but I could have sworn, I've heard noises from above!" "Why don't you then go explore yourself? I just don't want to be involved with this thing... count me out, really!"

Rhett was being sooo annoying again, but I noticed some hidden stairs behind the benches while arguing with him... so I went there to have a closer look! I felt... the presence! I thought there was a ghost there on the top! I could feel my heart pounding like CRAZY!! I've never been this scared in my whole life! I was like "WHYY is this place considered as a treasure then? If it just brings misfortune and all...?" Well, the garden was kinda beautiful, so that's the treasure? Naah, that'd be stupid! The garden only looks good NOW because it grew throughout all these years! I bet it was pretty boring when that stupid treasure was buried somewhere over here! Though, when I finally dared to go upstairs, I saw this old man hanging around here? He wasn't an alien... so, he didn't look as if he were from here... or was he? Anyway, I should have been scared, but I was not! Not even a little bit! Or was he also a victim of some alien traps? Just like us? OMG! What if he's gone through the same as we did? Wait, no, this can't be the case! Otherwise, we wouldn't have been able to find the map? If he was here before... so, he must be someone who already knew how to get to this place... without the aid of a secret map! Or was the map which Rhett's found his map? Anyway, I tried to greet him, just in the way how Q's taught me! This old man indeed looked like someone who could help us!

"Good evening, sir! I'm.." "Hmmmm..." "I'm..." "Hmmm..." "Goldie Hart... I and my family were here on..." "Hmmm..." "Vacation and we'd like to ask you for help? If you could help us, please?" "Hmmm...." Well, he was being very weird FOR SURE!!! I felt ridiculously uncomfortable standing next to him! He wouldn't even answer any of my questions... or whatever! He didn't even notice I was there? Maybe that's why! I thought, maybe the smell of good tea would literally wake him up?

"Maybe, I misjudged you! I first thought you have traveled far but not seem to be knowing!" "What are you talking about, sir? I just asked you for help and you didn't reply!" "Hmm..." "Oh, NOOO!! Please, do not start with that again! Just, drink your tea, sir!" Thankfully, I didn't have to stay alone with him all the time! Dad and Rhett got aware of the smell and came to join us!

"So, she's her daughter?" "Yeah, Goldie's my daughter! I also have another daughter named Candy, but she couldn't travel along with us." "I know." "Uhmm, OK, so... why do you ask me then when you actually know my daughters?" "I just do." That conversation and was MORE THAN CREEPY! I don't think I've ever seen such an awkward looking sim who also behaves soo awkward? So, yeah... apparently, he lives there in that creepy pagoda in the shadows! But still, that day was SOO weird! I was tired because of the long walk; I was upset because nobody took me seriously; I was bored because I couldn't use the internet at all; I was hungry because this old man didn't even offer food to us? We were his "guests" and he NOTICED that we had a long journey behind us and that we might possibly be hungry? But he didn't even offer us anything at all... he only offered us to sit downstairs to talk a bit more in his patio... I guess we were all just being polite to him. Lol! But that day really wasn't being it!

For some reason, he'd always stare at me and sit next to me when we'd be chatting... one more reason why I found him weird? It wasn't even enough to say "he was weird" because he was literally beyond that! We kept on talking on his patio for such a long time, our stomachs growled and he'd still not be offering or let us just go? OMG, and when the sun was setting and he was right by my side...! ... OK, OK, we got it! I won't be writing a diary entry full of complaints! At some point, he suddenly stood up and said: "You seem to possess the charm and panache necessary to bear The Legend!" "Uhmm, OK? I'm sorry to sound rude, but you won't give us any food? Because we're leaving!" "You'll be awared with the biggest treasure in your life!" So, we thought, he'd finish telling this stupid legend and then, he'd serve us some food! So, we could get away from here and especially from HIM! We had to listen to him... unfortunately!

"... and that was The Legend! The treasure is yours now! Keep it well and farewell!" *vanishes in air "Hey, you can't treat us like that! Come back here you fool! You can't leave us behind like this? We listened to your stupid story and you wouldn't even do us a favour in return?!" Dad was really upset... so was I and Rhett. But we decided to just leave that place, we stole grabbed enough fruits from his garden and just went back to the suite! It was already very late in the night... almost early thing in the morning when we arrived there! We'd have to leave soon anyway, so we just packed out stuff! While this wasn't the greatest day in Moonbase Apollo, I've learned a lot from my journey during these days and overall, I still think that this vacation was a great success! The shuttle's just arrived and it was time to say goodbye to Moonbase Apollo! I'll miss this superb place! But thankfully, I got the phone numbers of both; Qiu and Hua, so, I can still keep in touch with them back in Widespot! I'm really excited to show them my hometown one day, too! I'm sure they'd love it, wouldn't they?

The End.

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quiveringdeer · 4 years ago

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Now i want to know your answer to this one if you please :D Cloverfield: If you were in the zombie apocalypse/alien invasion, would you hide, and if so, where would you hide? What group of people would you want with you through this?

Ooooo!!!

Zombies: Ok so i consistently thought of this through hs and college. Now it just pops into my head every so often. While I don't ever feel like I want a gun of my own it just came up at dinner last night that a friend is gonna work to get their license here and I'm thinking of tagging along cause I dont wanna be in a situation where I dont know how to use it and also suck at aiming. So practice practice.

Also as for where to hide out. I currently live in the southern appalachias and I think mountains are totes the best place to be for zombies. I've also thought rhat while most people will be headed to walmarts or lowes and places like that I'm gonna skip those as they will probs have a high infection rate in the beginning. People be hidin wounds and shit. So no thanks to epicenter places. Even these buildings in rural areas are gonna be a no for me. I do think I'd hit up any smaller medical pharmacy and such if others had already broken in to begin looting--tho with this recent year's experience the panic buying of pains meds and stuff may deplete those rather quickly, outside of the like stronger stuff in the back you'd need prescriptions for. Which would be my main objective in a looting situation! First my own depression meds and shit cause i dont want to deal with that on top of the apocalypse. And then higher dose pain meds for when I now doubt have to amputate someone's limbs who has an extremity bite. But also like common first aid stuff in bulk. Cause the goal is to hole up somewhere far away from populations.

Also there is an army surplus store around here so I'd have a friend go with me if we had early stage warnings and stock up on MREs. Dried beans, rice and other non parishables. Oh! And water pruification tablets/drops. I have a life straw but not passin that around.

as for shelter I was thinking that most public land agencies (of which I work for one and wouldnt have thought of this otherwise) but they generally have multiple maintenance yards/compounds that are generally completely fenced in with sliding gate systems that work with a code, which hopefully could be modified to be done by human effort to conserve energy resources. There are also a number of places that have solar panels on buildings here so tracking those down to being to whichever maint. yard my crew chooses. Probs would be stickin with coworkers and callin close friends to invite them here. Then it'd be a matter of building up the integrity of the fence structure, adding in barriers to keep things further from the chainlink, ala the way Negan's camp is in the walking dead?? where they even employed zombie wardens out front to cut down on humans trying to infiltrate.

There is also my thought that I may consider moving north where snowfall and ice are more prevalent. It'd be fuckin miserable to live theough the winters. But on the off chance zombies existed even though I feel like rotting corpses couldn't maintain the musculature control to remain upright for long--plus without pain sensations they're more likely to overexert their muscles and stuff which leads to tears in muscles or tendons which would lead to lower mobility I could assume. Since pain keeps us from breaking ourselves by not exerting to our fullest capabilities. Anywho, regardless of all that. Heavy snowfalls and freezing temps should render them almost inert in the harsh northern winters. Making them easier for human hunting parties up for the task, to decimate their populations around the area.

Though the thaw in summer would probs be awful with the smell, while our mighty decomposers do their job! not to mention these wonderful animals, insects included, who have larvae that thrive on eating rotting meat? those guys will be active during the warmer times and help more quickly decompose the zombies. Yay nature havin our ill-adapted/evolved humans!!

So then it's a matter of waiting out things. I may even draft up a email with my plan to be able to mass send through our agency servers so others could hopefully mimic in their areas so that we could have multiple holdouts of humans to be able to have an better mix of human genetic diversity once we wait out the zombie decomposition and need to repopulate.

Also, another thought. I'm sure many Indigenous people, especially those unfortunately forced on reservations, will be amazing strongholds. Cause when they shut their borders they SHUT their borders lol From experience with the tribe next to my park and their protocols for the early pandemic. So potentially calling in friends and contacts to set up alliances eventually.

I think that's all the main important bits. I wont drone on with plans for accepting those in need into the compound and such. Cause while i'll definitely be using my voice to speak up for that, if it works out that a bunch of coworkers from my park are within the compound with me those decisions will probably run through the incident command protocols and hierarchies already set up within the national park structure. I'd just try to implement myself within those teams that are making decisions cause I feel I'd have thw most useful plans, obviously. 😌 lol

but yeah. Thanks for asking this question my darling!!! There are other things i probs left out but it's super early and my cats are yelling at me that i havent fed them since i chose to answer this upon waking lol

Aliens

suicide mention in this one 😬

Ok so aliens i havent thought about as extensively. I'd probs try to communicate I'm not a threat and hope they arent the type to want to subjugate humans. If so I mean my fantasy brain is like-- are they attractive aliens to me?? cause 👀👀👀 If not and they're the subjugating kind I'd probs off myself I guess?? Like I don't want to be forced into perpetual servitude and hiding out to try and survive without being captured seems miserable sooo yeah.

#nat talks #zombies

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galaxae · 4 years ago

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3, 7 and 18 for as many as you can answer; btw do you still have an ocs page? like with introductions and all that

wow this took forever oops!

tysm for the ask!! i’ve been meaning to make a carrd or something with oc intros, but i have so goddamn many ocs and so little time now that i’m in college and all that. and i have the code saved from my old pages before i remade, but those are kind of outdated and incomplete

that being said i’m probably gonna end up making that carrd regardless of how busy i am cause special interest indulgence and all that, so i’ll post about it when i do

anyway! i’m putting the actual oc answers under a readmore because i’m gonna try to do all the ocs i listed and it’ll be kinda long lol

3. What does your oc’s voice sound like? (Or, if you have one, what’s their voiceclaim?) Can they sing, whistle, or roll their rs? Do they have any speech impediments or notable dialects/accents?

how does one even describe voices... ok here goes

avani: she’s my character for a ttrpg campaign, so her voice sounds basically like mine (which might not help much cause you don’t know how i talk lol), but when i’m talking as her i pitch my voice up a bit and make it a bit more nasally. she’s not much of a singer, nor can she whistle, but she can roll her r’s pretty well. also, since she’s autistic and hard of hearing, her tone of voice often comes off the "wrong” way

farhan: he’s another ttrpg character i play lol, or at least he will be next semester, so his voice is again kind of like mine. but when i talk as him i pitch my voice down and it’s a bit hoarse. ig his voice would also be more “masculine” than mine but whatever. he can sing and whistle but has a pretty small vocal range (since he’s, like, 13 right now and will be 16 when i rp him next semester)

carter: i imagine his voice as low and on the quiet and raspy end, with a tiny bit of a lisp. he’s way too insecure to try to sing or even whistle or anything like that, though if he practiced at it he’d probably get pretty good

calira: she’s mute so n/a i guess. but she talks pretty formally in her dialect of elvish sign language, which is definitely unusual

sam: they have kind of a low voice that’s also raspy, but with quite a bit of pep and variation in their tone. they can even sing pretty well and they like to whistle constantly while working. that creates some kind of whiplash cause sam comes off as a typical edgy teen a lot of the time

jizoriel: high-pitched with lots of voice cracks, peak pretentious preteen/early teen jerkass. he can’t really sing or do anything similar, nor does he want to very much

victoria: so quiet and raspy that you can barely make out that it’s low and has a soothing and pleasant tone to it. she can sing well, or at least she could once upon a time

rowan: just! the happiest and most cheerful voice you can imagine! so much love behind how she talks! her voice fills up her whole head and the whole room!! and she whistles sometimes while she walks

ace: defies any masculine or feminine labels, smooth and cool in theory but they stutter quite a bit

charity: gruff but with a hint of cheer and clarity behind it that comes out when she’s startled. she loves to sing but can’t whistle and can’t roll her r’s either

jamal: i actually have a voiceclaim for him! it’s this (the voice that sings from 1:51 to 1:58)

kimberly: her voice is a bit high and a bit... idk how to say it exactly... i guess shrill would be the word?

fabián: his voice seems higher-pitched than it actually is cause he talks higher when he’s anxious, and he’s always anxious. it’s a bit hard to describe his voice otherwise tbh. i can hear it in my head but i can’t quite put it to paper oops. oh yeah also he has a great singing voice but never uses it sooo

7. What song reminds you of this oc? Does this match up with the type of music your oc likes to listen to?

this question opens up a wormhole cause i have playlists for many of these guys but instead i’ll just provide one (1) song for each and vaguely describe their music taste, how does that sound

avani: honestly “mr. capgras encounters a secondhand vanity” by will wood is a “her” song to me. her music taste leans a lot more toward older music though (like some classics from the 70s and 80s and such)

farhan: he’s still very new so i haven’t really found a song for him yet. but i know he absolutely loves peppy and energetic pop music and also sappy gay love songs

carter: (slaps my hand away when i try to type another will wood song) “fantasy island” by the shins always launches me into daydreams about him. which kinda roughly aligns with his music taste, he listens to a lot of those “mainstream indie” artists. he’d also listen to will wood because he’s gay and mentally ill <3

calira: one of my favorite songs on her playlist is “maximillian von spee” by dirt poor robins. but the music she listens to is basically all invigorating church-loving stuff with medieval-era instruments lmao

sam: “sometimes” by nick lutsko is an absolute bop and very much a sam song. sam actually doesn’t go out of their way to listen to music though, but when they do they listen to either the most soothing and relaxing stuff or to the angriest metal emo music. no in between

jizoriel: i’ll go the less emo angle here and say a song that reminds me of him is “upside down” by jack johnson. jizoriel’s music taste is like. old choir music and shit plus incomprehensible magical music that doesn’t even sound like music. if he was from earth he’d like my chemical romance

victoria and rowan: i’m grouping these two together here because a song that reminds me very strongly of both of them/their relationship is “human” by dodie. which actually fits very well into both of their music tastes!

ace: again, going the less edgy angle here, “auntie earth” by walter mitty and his makeshift orchestra. but ace mostly listens to uh, classical flute music and flute covers

charity: absolutely “dance and cry” by mother mother, that’s pretty much her theme song. it’s among her favorite songs in canon too

jamal: “tire swing” by los elk, since his arc is about letting go of childhood and all that jazz. he’s more inclined to listen to fun. and other pop artists and rappers and such. he likes janelle monae

kimberly: “best tears” by the happy fits for sure. in terms of her music taste though, her taste is pretty similar to jamal’s. they bond over being janelle monae fans

fabián: by god does “heal” by so much light fit him. his taste is that he rotates through three (3) specific obscure indie artists lmao, so theoretically i guess that specific song is included in there

18. How does your oc see themself? How does this compare to the way other ocs see them?

i am gonna do my best to keep these short cause this is a loaded question for all of them hoo boy

avani: how she sees herself: honestly the worst person alive. unless she spends every moment of her time trying to make up for what she’s done, she’s worthless, and she doesn’t deserve to love herself in any capacity how others see her: her brother (farhan) really looks up to her! most of the time. the superhero team she’s on (other people’s ocs) all think she’s generally smart and capable enough, and her boyfriend in particular thinks she’s incredible

farhan: how he sees himself: as of right now? a misunderstood emo middle schooler who’s still kind of cool i guess how others see him: his sister (avani) thinks he’s quite an impressive and charismatic young man

carter: how he sees himself: 1/10 awkward and annoying how others see him: carter reminds calira too much of her old self, so she love-hates him. sam thinks he’s weak and cowardly but admires his kindness. and jizoriel clings to him as a caring father figure and loves carter’s passion for natural studies

calira: how she sees herself: it goes back and forth between “i’m the greatest chosen one ever im such a strong warrior” and “wow i’m literal trash why did the gods pick me for this” how others see her: carter is a bit intimidated by her but appreciates her attempts to vibe with him, sam thinks she’s an annoying pretentious self-important bitch (but their opinion softens over time), and jizoriel sees right through her facade and feels comfortable around her because of it

sam: how they see themself: evil and in need of redemption, kind of similar to avani ig but with 10x more confidence in their skills and also much more violent how others see them: carter knows theyre doing their best even if theyre kind of an asshole, calira is a fan of their strength and determination, and jizoriel Hates Their Guts (at first) because they baby him too much

jizoriel: how he sees himself: a fucking fraud of a prince. all he has going for him is his abilities as a mage, but even then those are shaky how others see him: carter knows he’s very insecure and wants to comfort him, calira admires his magical prowess and noble air, and sam thinks he’s a snarky little pretentious douchebag but also he reminds them of their late brother and they want to protect him at all costs

victoria: how she sees herself: basically dead. only good for interacting with ghosts. not worthy of the human world or of friendship how others see her: she reminds rowan of her old self. rowan sees a glimmer of love and hope in her and wants to bring it out

rowan: how she sees herself: a fucking mess but she’s trying her best and that’s what counts! how others see her: victoria very much appreciates her cheerful air even if she doesn’t act like it

ace: how they see themself: way too weird to be human, way too weak not to be. their self-image changes constantly. theyre very confused about everything please help how others see them: charity is literally dating them lol she thinks theyre the cutest person alive, jamal appreciates how hard they try as a friend, kimberly thinks theyre an alien invader whom she can study and use to get further in life, and fabián knows more about ace than anyone else and loves them for it

charity: how she sees herself: a Teenager who’s struggling. she desperately wants to be young without the burden of her trauma but whether she thinks of herself as emo and sad and angry or not depends a lot on her mood how others see her: ace adores everything about her, jamal loves how cool and fun and sociable she can be, kimberly is annoyed with her rebelliousness, and fabián worries very much for her well-being and can’t shake the image of her as helpless (oops that’s gonna cause some drama)

jamal: how he sees himself: just a chill guy trying to get by. unremarkable. how others see him: ace is grateful for how forgiving he can be but is still terrified of him being angry over [spoilers], charity loves how sociable and fun he is and how protective he can be of his friends, kimberly secretly envies his carefree nature, and fabián sees him as a solid acquaintance to whom he did not give a good first impression

kimberly: how she sees herself: not good! if she can’t grow up fast and do science well then she’s useless how others see her: ace wants to be friends with her but doesn’t know how to do that, charity is annoyed by her rule-bound-ness, jamal thinks she’s cool but should unwind a little, and fabián resents her at first but would still like to play chess with her sometime

fabián: how he sees himself: he has a moral responsibility to help people Or Else. way too anxious and stuck up but he doesn’t know how to change that how others see him: ace fuckin Loves this guy, charity loves him too but she gets pissed when he tries to help her with anything, jamal genuinely thinks he’s a great guy and wants to get to know him better, and kimberly is actually impressed by him and envies his apparent confidence and charisma

ok ok that’s it i promise. sorry this is so long and tysm for reading if you made it this far!! feel free to ask more oc questions literally whenever, that goes for anyone reading this <3

#pey talks #ocs tag #this was so fun to write thank you for asking ;-;#ace #avani #calira #carter #charity #fabián #farhan #jamal #jizoriel #kimberly #sam

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cowboyguts-moved · 5 years ago

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how would your ocs get into the halloween spirit ?

wow what a great question (:

sooo Lewis my baby always needs help with halloween especially around the time that he’s new in mystic overhang which is the fictional town part of our ocs live in. he needs help because he isn’t accustomed to the ways of halloween! he’s never celebrated it before he was 18 because of the very conservative and abusive way he grew up in his commune… so chris, his boyfriend will take him to stores to look at decorations and thrift shops for costumes and explain something about halloween that he hasn’t already gone over and lewis is really excited about it because dressing up for no fucking reason sounds weird and like it could be made up almost but he’s easily swayed into believing stuff because he’s a liiittle gullible, and he tends to go along with what other people want to do because he has trouble thinking for himself. so chris will suggest costumes until lewis likes the sound of one (he goes as frankenstein’s monster the first year he’s in the town in 1989 even though he doesn’t know what frankenstein is (: HFJBSFDJ it’s a simple costume and he loves the thought of being painted green and having cute pants with patches on them. and his hair at that point is already really short and PURPLE so (:) basically what he does the first few years is follow chris’ lead in costumes, decorating, candy buying, and going to parties and mistakenly drinking spiked punch!!! there’s also an annual mystic overhang halloween festival they go to that some people mysteriously disappear at (: that’s cause their town has a lot of dark secrets and happenings and something Peculiar is going on within it ha ha….

let’s see. church’s favorite holiday is halloween!! he’s a very morbid dude and he’s obsessed with the occult and aliens. i think he has specific music that reminds him of halloween from his childhood that he always plays… he loves music and i have a whole playlist for him (for chris, lewis and mikael as well) so he locks himself in his room at the trailer he and his brother live in and he blares it while he eats a hotpocket and stares at his ceiling that’s crossed with banners and streamers for halloween and theres a big ceiling light shining down on his face but he’s sleepy and content and the weather coming in from the small open window is cold and pushing the decorations around. he probably has books that get him in the mood too and he’s an avid reader, anything from bigger college books to Goosebumps really he just loves to absorb that stuff. church is a fly by the seat of his pants kinda boy, his plans are made On halloween night. he’s pretty cool and people like him and he gets invited or welcome to everything and it’s likely cause he smokes weed there HHHSDFHJ and that always gets you friends at those things. church is very dedicated to halloween though its important to him that it feels right and he follows his own traditions and some from being a kid. the right foods, the right decorations, music, books, pumpkin carving, summoning spirits in the living room and the like. after a few years he doesn’t put energy into much because he’s a generally SUPER depressed person and very cynical and angry but i think he always tries at least a little with halloween. uhh when tristan drew him in a halloween costume months ago he was a clown (: big surprise that i wanted him to be that

tan the man ie tanner works at a haunted house on halloween and amiyah, his gf does his makeup. he works there with other hockey players, his friends and does it all through mid september to halloween, i think he kinda has to? because he’s in hockey… but he loves it. he looks all bloody and decayed and carries a fake axe and he has overalls on its very cute (: but he’s very cold. i think in general tanner loves halloween especially how it revolves around the stuff he loves like d&d, lord of the rings, other nerd shit because there’s halloween themed stuff and editions of things etc that he’s apart of. and he also likes witch craft because his mom does and i feel like they have SUPER weird halloween traditions his mom makes them do but tanner secretly loves, i can’t even think of any right now except maybe salt circles where they all (him and his siblings) sit and hold hands and make mixtures for the pagan god and goddess. but there’s many others and he’s done them since he was a damn Baby so he loves it.

tristan answered for his boys and girl (:

Chris:

okokokok so fuckhole chris has lived in mystic overhang for his entire life so he’s always been aware of the strange happenings in the town and he Loves it. he’s always loved spooky things like that, so when halloween comes around it’s important to him not only to celebrate it but to Feel it and Experience it within the creepy town that they already live in. he obviously spends it with lewis, and he helps lewis find what he wants to wear and be and i think thats his favorite part. but when it’s His turn, he really gets into it and he goes full out whether its dressing up in drag and being a naughty nurse with his puffed out curly wig and ruby red lipstick and the prettiest red pumps….. or even if it’s just a simple grey shimmer dress that cuts off at his mid thighs and shows his asscheeks a little because hes a whore and he likes that with little pink lace undies underneath so that he can flash lewis his grade a tuck job from across the room. he loves to decorate, too, i think. he likes to listen to certain records that remind him of october as well, dancing to them in his basement with lewis. and he loves to go to the parades with lewis too and the parties just to get drunk off his ass on bad beer and kisses ( the chocolate, too (: )

mikael:

HAHA okay now mikael, chris and lewis’ friend….. likes to get high. he loves to get high on halloween and dress up as serial killers! like jason and freddy and michael meyers. he likes to scare kylo a lot, and especially ben because ben gets so tense and spooked on halloween night which mikael thinks is FUCKING hilarious (kylo nd ben are their other friends we love them). he enjoys halloween, but i don’t think it’s his favorite holiday. he does visit church during, though, (church and him have a thing (; ) and i think he’s the one who always invites him out because he wants to go places with him during the cold candy filled night and smoke weed and eat kitkat bars under a bridge that has three homeless dudes playing flapjack under it. he enjoys seeing everyone’s costumes, i think because it reminds him of his foster home and when he’d gaze at all of his foster siblings in their own costumes ranging from princesses and angels to zombies and mad scientists and everyone had smiles on their young faces.

amiyah:

amiyah LOVES to go all out for halloween, starting october 1st. she decorates her house and ignores the protests from her father, spiderwebs in the kitchen archway and pumpkin baskets full of candy on every surface that a hand can get to. she loves to take her brother out trick or treating on halloween, too. tanner joins her (and i think they did this even before they dated) and they all three go door to door and get candy. amiyah usually dresses up as some mythological or medieval thing, like elf princesses and witchy warlocks. shes also kind of a nerd when it comes to those things, but she’s much more quiet about it than tanner is. her and her brother watch a lot of scary movies together, too, to get into spirit. i think each year they have strict guidelines retaining to the movies they watch so that they HAVE to watch one each night of October or else it ruins the tradition. criminal, their pet raccoon, will join them in their endeavor obviously. sometimes amiyah dresses him up too, no matter how many times he’ll try to hiss and bite at her (:

#Anonymous #ocs #original character #tanner #amiyah #church #mikael #chris #lewis #we got plenty more ocs but this is long as hell

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tokidokifish · 5 years ago

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sooo i wanted to share this even tho it is INCREDIBLY niche

a little thing i wrote abt my boy alphinaud and the wol! post-main story stormblood so look out for spoilers

...

Alphinaud Leveilleur was a young man who did his best not to allow himself the folly of hubris, not again, not after paying so high a price for it. He knew he was talented in many aspects - exceptionally talented, even - but he tried not to get too carried away in the idea of his own expertise.

All that having been said, however, Alphinaud rather thought there was no one in the world who better understood the Warrior of Light. He had, as far as he was aware, spent more time with them than anyone else. They had been beside him at his lowest, a quiet, reassuring presence that he had come to cherish. He considered them his best friend, and considered himself lucky to have the privilege.

And so - after their fight with the monstrosity that Zenos had made himself, after he had taken a blade to his own throat, while everyone else was basking in the heady relief and joy of victory - he realized that there was something... perhaps not wrong. But certainly there was something weighing on them, as they turned away from the body in the flowers; he could see it in their eyes, could almost pinpoint the moment they chose to push their own feelings down and focus instead on Lyse and victory. He suspected it was something they were used to - something that they had, at one point in their life, made a habit of: disappearing in a crowded room. It was harder now that they were the vaunted Warrior of Light, slayer of eikons and dragons, ender of wars. But they could still do it, given the right situation - and the right motivation.

And certainly he wasn't going to fault them for that. It was, perhaps - probably, even - not the time. So he waited, until everything had died down, when they were back in Rhalgr's Reach. And then he went looking for them.

The fact they were clearly making themself scarce only affirmed the idea something was bothering them. He avoided the more crowded areas, filled with noise and too many people, and found them in the second place he looked - the first had been the entryway to the temple; they told him they liked the flowers, and the cool quiet dimness. But there was also a guard posted, and perhaps even that was too much company for their mood.

Insteady, he found them tucked up under one of the bridges, at the edge of the water, their knees drawn up and tail wrapped around their ankles. Somewhere private, near the water - which they liked - but protected, somewhat, from the constant roaring of the waterfalls, which bothered them.

"Hello," he said, softly. An ear flicked in his direction, and then they looked up at him. "Do you mind if I join you?" They were quiet. "If you would prefer not to be bothered, I can leave."

Their not unfamiliar silence stretched on for a moment more, and then they shook their head. "It's okay. You don't bother me, Alphinaud."

"Anyone can be a bother, in the right - or rather wrong - situation," he said, but he was relieved, rather embarrassingly. He knew that he often bothered people. Prim was one of the few who could reliably put up with him.

And that's why he was here. He climbed under the bridge to join them, and quietly took them in. Since Doma, they had been wearing half of a stolen Imperial uniform, both because it amused them and - they had confessed - they rather liked the style. But now they were back in a simple camisole, and he realized there may have been another reason they wore that borrowed uniform: because it had at least somewhat hidden how very small they were. It was often hard to miss, when they were literally dancing across the battlefield, but he was only one minor (and frankly overdue) growth spurt from completely outstripping them in terms of height - but perhaps they were due for one, themself. He wasn't entirely sure how old they were; he rather thought, from what he knew about their past, that even they might not know. But he did know they were young, younger than any of the other Scions, and made to carry so much.

Even he had asked them to shoulder not just impossible burdens in service of Eorzea, but also the weight of his own worries. It seemed like the least he could do was return the favor.

"Is aught amiss?" he asked.

They made an uncertain noise, and looked over at him again, and he could see conflict on their face.

"I thought you looked troubled," he explained. "And - well, you've certainly listened to enough of my troubles, haven't you? I thought it was high time I returned the favor."

"You don't have to," they told him. "I don't do it because I expect to be repaid."

"I know," he said. "But I want to. Because you're my friend."

They looked down, and for a moment he thought they wouldn't want to speak after all. But then: "I'm not sure where to start."

"Is it Zenos?" he asked. "Are you upset with the way things ended? I'll admit, at the time I was a bit... carried away by my emotions, but looking back it was rather... well, upsetting to see, wasn't it?"

"It was," they agreed, voice quiet. "And he - talked. A lot. Before all of you got there. And at one point, he said... he said that he thought we could have carried on as friends. If I would accept him." Their eyes found his, again. "I said no. And now, after everything... I can't help but... wonder. If I had answered differently. Would that have... changed it, in the end."

For a moment, all he could do was stare. He knew that they weren't hard-hearted; far from it. He knew they still carried the weight of those they had lost, some of it almost too heavy to bear - he had, very sincerely, worried for a moment if they were going to be able to carry on after Haurchefant had died. But...

"As gentle a soul you may be, I never would have guessed that such compassion would extend do our enemies," he said. "Especially not one like Zenos. You are nothing like him!"

"But I am," they said, immediately. "Like him."

Once again, he was startled into silence. But this time, Prim went on.

"I know what it's like not to feel things the right way," they said. "To look at people experiencing something and have it be completely alien to me. And I... I've learned to handle it better, but I have to wonder how much of that is me and how much of that is the people I've surrounded myself with. If I had grown up in the same circumstances of Zenos - if I had even just grown up in the Empire - would I have been like him? Capable of the same things he was? And I can't help but think that - if all I had known was emptiness or the thrill of the fight, and I finally found someone I thought could understand me, and I reached out my hand to them, even for a moment, only to have it rebuffed... what would I do in that situation?"

They shook their head, ears pressed flat. "I recognize the things he did. You called him a rabid animal, and I understand why. But I think I understand too much, and that's why... that's why."

They shut their mouth, and buried their face against their knees, swaying a little in place. For a long, long moment, Alphinaud couldn't think of a thing to say, overwhelmed by a sudden new understanding of his quiet friend. But then he realized there was one thing he was absolutely sure of.

"You still aren't like him," he said. "Do you know why? Because you're a Warrior of Light."

They looked at him, brow creased with hurt, and he shook his head.

"I don't mean that you're special because you're a Warrior of Light," he said, quietly. "I think you're a Warrior of Light because you're special. Because Hydaelyn saw something in you. Something that we all see in you, that draws us to you, gives us hope. It's not the light of the crystal, it's just - you, Prim."

He reached out, and touched their hand. "You don't talk about yourself, but from some of the things you've said - I know you haven't had the easiest life either. Maybe it wasn't being raised as the crown prince of a dictatorship, but I know you had chances to become someone - someone other than who you became. You didn't have to join the Scions, you could have abandoned me after the Sultana's banquet - you've made a thousand choices that led you to this place. You talk about the people you've surrounded yourself with, but even that was a choice. You could have walked away at any time."

They fidgeted a little. "I couldn't have."

He smiled. "The fact you think you couldn't just proves my point. And just like you've made your choices without even thinking about them, so too did Zenos, and look at where you both ended up. That hardly seems similar to me - and hells, even if you were..."

He shook his head. "I find it hard to believe he truly wanted a friend, even in the end, and I doubt your answer would have changed anything. It's understandable to carry the weight of what happened with you - I'd expect nothing less, actually. But... it also wasn't your fault."

They were quiet, staring at their knees. He let them have a moment.

"Oh," they finally said, softly.

"Do you feel any better?" he asked.

They tilted their head, clearly considering the question and their own feelings, and then smiled just a little. "Yes."

"Good. I'm glad," he said, but there was still something bothering him. He looked at them, all curled up in a little ball, and then realized. "Would a hug be alright?"

They nodded, with what looked like a flash of relief, and when he wrapped his arms around them, they snuggled in immediately. He thought he could hear a purr.

"Thank you, Alphinaud," they said, and he smiled.

"Anytime. And I do mean that."

#fish plays ffxiv #local teen finds kitten under bridge - what happens next will warm your heart #i have gotten very attached to alphinaud and i guess it isn't a surprise #he's an over-educated under-socialized nerd #whose biggest fault is believing the best in people #he is essentially a more competent version of me #anyhow:#long post

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five-wow · 6 years ago

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The Melissa mystery: a look at canon facts

Sooo recently there’s been a lot of confusion about where the hell Melissa is, because she seems to have been forgotten by H50 canon, but we’ve never seen or heard anything about Danny and her breaking up. Are we supposed to assume they did that off-screen and it went unmentioned? Are they still together but so low key that it’s basically invisible? Did Melissa run off with Lynn and/or Charlie Fong and that’s why Danny never mentions her because it’s too painful and/or awkward? Do the writers even remember that Danny used to have a longterm girlfriend? Does Danny remember he has a girlfriend?

> Getting to the actual content of this post <

I can’t answer any of those questions, but what I was able to do is go back through the most recent couple of seasons and search the dialogue for any trace of Melissa. Fair warning that there are a lot of opinions peppered in here.

> Why not look at the episodes she appeared in? <

That would be better, of course, except that there are shockingly few of those for a woman that Danny has been dating for five years by now (assuming, for the moment, that they’re currently still together). That’s half a decade, people, shit, and in all that time she only physically appeared in six episodes, the most recent of which was almost two years ago (hence the understandable confusion in fandom about where she went).

Here’s an overview of episodes with Amber/Melissa in them:

4.12 O kela me keia Manawa (her first meeting with Danny; she introduces herself as Amber)

4.19 Ku I Ka Pili Koko (Amber and Danny’s first time and Amber accidentally meets Grace; Steve and Danny are trapped under a collapsed building and say “I love you” to each other for the first time)

5.16 Nanahu (s5 Valentine’s Day episode: Amber’s abusive ex-husband turns up and stabs Danny and she runs him over with her car; from this point on, she goes by Melissa, her name from before she had to go in hiding from her ex)

5.24 Luapoʻi (the episode where Danny learns Charlie is his son; he gets texts from Rachel asking him to come meet her and he tells Melissa it’s work, but when he goes to take a shower his phone keeps buzzing and Melissa discovers that he was lying to her)

6.14 Hoa 'inea (s6 Valentine’s Day episode: Melissa writes Danny a card telling him she loves him, but he doesn’t say (or write) it back even though they’ve been together for two years; they have a fight because she wants to feel like a priority in his life, which is never resolved on screen)

7.16 Ponui I Ke Aloha (s7 Valentine’s Day episode: Melissa, Danny, Lynn and Steve go on a double date organized by the women, but Danny spends most of the weekend chasing some kid around; Danny at one point super casually says “I love you” to Melissa during a game of volleybal, in a way that doesn’t look like the first time, so apparently he did start doing that at some point after 6.14)

Conclusion: Melissa’s appearances span about three seasons/years, but half of the time we get to see her, she’s making an appearance because it’s Valentine’s Day, which bugs me for reasons that aren’t what this post is about. In short, it seems to suggest she’s only useful when some romance is required and she has literally no other relevance or link to anything else in Danny’s life, which is... not healthy, unless they’ve talked about that, which the show never suggests they have. Rather the opposite, what with Melissa wanting Danny to take her seriously.

The other half of the time, Danny seems to be lying to her or avoiding her, even though we never see her do anything that would warrant this kind of behavior (and she comes straight from an abusive relationship, so please, do fucking better, Danny, because I know you have your own history and insecurities, but you’re being an unintentional asshole). But again, not strictly what this post is about.

> So we last saw her in 7.16. What about everything after that? <

That’s what I wanted to know, too! Because I didn’t have time to rewatch almost two full seasons (as of the time of posting this, the most recent episode is 9.14), I instead went for a somewhat less elegant approach: I ctrl+F searched episode scripts from this website for every episode post-7.16 for the keyword “Melissa”. There are two immediately obvious problems with this approach:

The scripts are pretty rough. They’re pretty much dialogue-only (transcripts, really, not scripts), but that’s not a problem if spoken words are the only thing I’m looking for anyway. The bigger danger is that there could be discrepancies between the transcripts and the actual dialogue, but everything I’ve seen (and I’ve used this website a lot in the past) seemed pretty accurate.

I only searched for “Melissa”, so if Danny ever mentioned her as just “my girlfriend” or anything similar, my method didn’t pick up on that.

> Gasp! So what did you find? <

[insert drumroll] 🥁 Frighteningly little!

Here’s an overview:

8.06 Mohala I Ka Wai Ka Maka O Ka Pua

This is the episode where Danny hires a stress counsellor for Steve. Melissa is mentioned (by Danny) when the counsellor asks how many times a week Steve has sex, and Steve exaggerates the number and Danny corrects him, saying he knows “because Lynn speaks with Melissa and then Melissa shares with me”, which freaks Steve out a tiny bit. The conversation moves on after Steve asks Danny to do him a favor and stop discussing intimate details of Steve’s relationship with his girlfriend.

In other words, Melissa’s name is mentioned here, but in a discussion that’s actually about Steve’s sex life (which makes it very shippy on the McDanno front in the most ridiculous of ways, but that’s a different story). It does, however, tell us that Melissa is still in touch with Lynn, Steve’s girlfriend at the time, which shows that she has at least some outside connections to Danny’s life.

And then... nothing. No, seriously, 8.06 is the only mention of Melissa (by name, at least, but it seems odd to have Danny talking about a girlfriend without naming her, so I’m going to assume it really is the last time) after her last appearance in 7.16.

Other thing to note: Melissa is not anywhere in Danny’s visions of the future in 8.11. Kono and Chin are included by way of pictures on a wall, because they’re characters whose actors left the show, but Melissa isn’t in those pictures.

> Conclusions <

Here are my main take aways:

Danny and Melissa are still together in 8.06, because he definitely talks about her like they are.

At the time of writing this (early February 2019), 9.14 is the most recent episode to air, which means that Melissa hasn’t been mentioned in the past rougly one and a third season.

Each season of H50 covers about a year, because the show seems to stick relatively well to our irl passage of time. This means that between 4.12 (Melissa’s introduction) and 8.06 (last mention of Melissa’s existence) very nearly four years would have passed. Danny and Melissa therefore have a relationship of four years before she vanishes, then we get a year of nothing, and now, in season 9, Danny is possibly flirting with Rachel and there’s no mention whatsoever of whether he’s single or not.

Which, to contrast this, does happen in 7.20, in which the news of Rachel and Stan’s divorce breaks and there is a character explicitly suggesting that Danny would want to get back together with Rachel. In that episode, Danny says he doesn’t want that and he has a girlfriend who he “like[s] very much”.

The last time Melissa is mentioned is when Danny tries to justify telling Steve and a virtual stranger that he knows intimate details about Steve’s sex life. Chew on that one for a bit.

In the last three episodes where Melissa physically appeared, things never went very smoothly for her relationship with Danny. One time he lied to her, one time they had a big fight, and the last time she had organized a romantic weekend and he spent most of it distracted by, with all due respect to Danny, very petty nonsense. Melissa says she’s okay with it all, but it wouldn’t have been super weird if at some point after 7.16, the show had somehow worked in a mention of a break-up (if they couldn’t bring Melissa’s actress back to show us that scene, which would have been ideal - they did that very nicely for Gabby, Danny’s only real canon girlfriend before Melissa).

Steve and Lynn, on the other hand, do get a formal mention of a break-up (in 9.01). They were together for two and a half to three years before splitting (their first date was in 6.07). This all makes the whole silence on the Danny and Melissa front even stranger.

Most important point, perhaps: there is no mention of Danny breaking up with Melissa. There is no mention of Melissa leaving. There is no mention of Melissa still being around, either, but that’s the state the show left things in last time we heard of her.

> A last word / Conclusions part 2 <

Clearly, Melissa got abducted by aliens.

Okay, so maybe not. She did disappear, however, and to the best of my knowledge she did so without a trace, even after I put some serious effort into finding her. She is last seen in 7.16, last mentioned in 8.06, and we don’t know if Danny and she broke up at some point after that or not.

Of course there’s a near-endless number of possible headcanons to fix this glaring plothole (she’s still around but very much in the background; there was a quiet break-up and Danny doesn’t like to talk about it ever; their relationship is and always has been a cover story for something and Danny has just given up the pretense at this point; Melissa has been working as a secret super scientist and has been travelling back and forth to Mars to find a way to achieve world peace and she’s so close that she hasn’t had time to come home in two years but Danny totally understands and supports her career; [make up literally whatever you like]), but really, at the end of the day, the people responsible for canon very seriously dropped the ball here by not even alluding at a breakup, which would have been so easy.

So was this laziness on the part of the writers? Maybe. Probably, even, because somewhere something went wrong (assuming this isn’t part of some secret bigger plan which they’ve waited literally years to reveal) and it’s kind of their job to make sure it doesn’t. I guess they might have meant for Melissa to come back at some point, but when things turned out differently (for whatever reason, such as changes in the plot or scheduling issues with the actress), they feared that it had been too long and viewers would have forgotten her, so they ignored the issue completely, which is fine, except that it’s also nuts. This show is known to make characters vanish sometimes, but I don’t think it’s been this bad for anyone with a huge personal link (and established four-year romantic relationship!) to any of our main characters.

But yeah, whatever the underlying reason, in-universe or out, this seems to be the state of things. I honestly don’t even know if I’m mad. Mostly I’m just completely baffled, I think. Despite her long involvement with Danny, Melissa is a very minor character and I never meant to spend this much time thinking about her or writing up long Tumblr posts, but dammit - she deserved better, and the way she’s been treated feels emblematic of Things H50 Does Wrong, specifically in regard to minor characters, women, and romantic relationships. That’s what gets me the most, maybe. She’s all of those problems, compounded into one, cranked up to eleven and with a bow on top.

> A shameless plug <

Should anyone need a healthy dose of catharsis after this, here’s a fic I wrote a while back where Melissa dumps Danny because he’s a better boyfriend to Steve than to her, which feels more relevant than ever after writing this: Please don’t tell me (how this story ends). It has happy ends for everyone, because that’s my jam. ✨

> The tl;dr version <

Melissa? Melissa who? (Alternately: What the fuck, dear H50 writers?)

#h50 #melissa armstrong #meta #this is a Lot Of Words that i did not mean to write #but i guess i'm still frustrated gosh #the melissa mystery #*#also to be clear i do enjoy the show (i do! i promise i do!) but i also think it has Issues with a capital i #and i know the general thinking in the fandom is 'ugh the writers don't know what they're doing anyway'#but i still think it's worth mentioning #it's worth it just for my own peace of mind because apparently i really needed to write this out

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sup-hoes-its-me · 7 years ago

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Depreciation (Oikawa x Reader)

A/N: hey hey. im back at it again with another oikawa one. this one is a Soulmate AU! yay! I love these but i never do them justice. im fairly happy with this one, so i hope you like it too. Thank you!!!!

word count: 4226~

Everyone loved Oikawa Tooru. He was handsome and funny and passionate and athletic and just a seemingly pleasant person to be around. But, he was so terribly fake. For years, he naively assumed that his best friend, Iwaizumi, was the only one to know about his painful insecurities and self-doubt. He really believed it could be kept a secret.

One other person, someone the boy didn't even know, knew all about his problems. Y/N, the shyest girl in the entire class, knew everything. She had her secrets too, big, terrible secrets no one could ever know about. The most concerning of all those secrets: she was his soulmate. Just like Oikawa, she kept her secrets under lock and key. Not her best friend, not her mother, not her siblings...No one would ever know.

He could never know.

Oikawa was meant for someone else. He was meant to fall in love with a beautiful girl with flawless skin, a charming bright smile, and a voice that could swoon anyone. Instead, he was fated to be with her, the outcast of the school, the girl who locked herself in her room when she got home and avoided the vast majority of her peers like the plague.

No one could ever know she shared the same marking as the famous Oikawa Tooru. He was too good for her. Too handsome. Too popular. Too funny. Too perfect. No one would ever fawn after her like his fangirls did. Because she was nothing, and he was everything.

Y/N never took off her cardigan, nor did she push up the sleeves. It would only be disastrous if she attempted such a thing. People would see the mark inside of her wrist. They would see it and they would know. Most girls, they knew what Oikawa’s mark looked like; it was engraved into their brains much like their own mark. They studied it, checking time and time again to see if it matched, as if it would suddenly change to quench their desire for the masterful setter.

Even though Y/N knew she would never get to fall in love with her soulmate, she still sought information about him. She watched him through the gym windows as he practiced, seeing his talent and his pure, intense drive that kept him soldiering on. She listened to him talk to Iwaizumi at lunch when they ate in the same classroom, memorizing his mannerisms and his voice and the delicate ways he teased his best friend.

All she wanted, deep down, was to know her soulmate. She just wanted to talk to him. To find out what he loves and he hates. To find out his birthday, and his favorite color, and his favorite season, and his favorite movie. She wanted to know if he preferred pop or rock, if he liked chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Did he have any pets. What's his favorite holiday. What's his phone wallpaper…

She wanted to know everything about him.

Her heart always beat faster when she saw him, not because she loves him. No, it was because she was so afraid. She feared all the things about her that he could never find out. If she talked to him, the tug in her heart directed at him would only grow stronger. That's what happens to soulmates. There's a tight rope that connects them, and it constantly haunts them. Since she knows it's him she's destined to be with, the sense is only heightened until it's sometimes the only thing she can think about.

One afternoon, she sat outside the gym on the ground, cold and hard under her. She didn’t really know why she decided to sit there, right across from the room her soulmate was throwing around a volleyball with his teammates. The distinct sound of spikes rung out in her ears, balls pounding to the floor like rockets. Thud, over and over again until it was only background noise.

She found herself stuffing her earbuds in her ears, desperate to avoid the sound. Even with the music up, the memory of the noise still wreaked havoc on her concentration. Why couldn't she just stand up and leave? Why didn't she just go home? Why did she torture herself by sitting there, foolishly waiting for the practice to end just so she could see Oikawa leave the gym with a smile on his face and a bounce in his step, Iwaizumi right beside him?

For a long time, she watched the wind. It blew at the trees scattered about. It whistled past her ears. It kissed her skin, one thing she would never receive in her life. She wanted to be kissed like never before, to feel her heart racing, her hands running through his hair, rough hands roaming her waist and hips; she wanted it all. Yet, she settled for the wind.

The gym doors opened. A few members exited, ones she didn't know, nor did she particularly care about. It took a couple more minutes for her one and only to leave the gym. He looked positively gorgeous, almost glowing in the dusk. Oh, how she wanted to say something to him.

Iwaizumi walked out behind him, shutting and locking the door for the night. He was always the responsible of the two, she’d noticed. Oikawa liked to have fun, be reckless and exhausting while the ace took his time to scold his captain for those qualities.

Y/N pretended to be reading a book. She always pretended to read as to not get caught being a creep waiting outside the gym for a glimpse. She wasn't a fangirl; she was an observer of the ugly truth.

Unfortunately, today she caught someone’s eye.

The boy she stared at on a daily basis came walking towards her alarmingly fast. If he were any slower, she could manage to escape without being thrown into a trainwreck of a conversation bound to happen. She didn't want him to know her. She wanted to stay anonymous on the sidelines.

She only ever wanted to be a background character.

“Hey! I see you around all the time. I've been wondering why you always sit outside the gym,” his voice, so vividly cheerful, rang out in her ears. She removed her earbuds, shoving them into her pocket. Although she was afraid, there was still an intense need to hear his voice directed at her.

Her head did not lift from its downward tilt at her lap; it was suddenly too heavy to pick up. Her throat ran dry like a desert as she struggled for something to say. Anything. She could say almost anything. It didn't matter.

“I like the wind and the trees.” That was all she could say and all she wanted to say. It wasn't deep, and it barely meant anything. It was pathetically simple, yet so confusing at the same time.

“Come on, shittykawa. Leave her alone,” the strict one groaned, urging his friend to leave. For some reason, unbeknownst to him, he was curious about this one girl. He wanted to know her, as strange as that seemed. He’d never met her, although he saw her around often.

In a moment, instead of turning and walking away like the girl and his friend wanted him to do, his form plopped down beside her and propped against the wall. He leaned in to see what book she was reading. The topic was aliens, those damn extraterrestrials that he found so compelling. She shared an interest, a very weird one at that, which only caused him to need answers.

“I’m Oikawa Tooru,” he introduced. She knew his name though. Who didn't?

He waited for a reply. So, she gave it to him. “I’m L/N Y/N.”

She was so quiet. So different from him. Her voice radiated a sort of reserved kindness, a soft wisp of silent hopefulness that he needed to know more about. Again, he had no idea why he felt so obligated to do this.

He felt like he needed to know everything.

“Sooo, L/N-chan~, you’re reading a book on aliens,” he commented, scanning the book again. “Do you believe in aliens?” It was a silly question, a very stupid one indeed. He was just dying to start a conversation.

She nodded softly, daring to peek up at him. He had such beautiful eyes, soft brown ones she's only seen from afar. Now, being so close, she didn't want to ever look away. Yet, she did.

“I’ve always been interested in them,” she confessed nervously. What if he thought she was some weirdo for believing in something so nonsensical as aliens. It was making her brain hurt just thinking about the ridicule to come.

Only, it never came.

“Me too! I watch those sci-fi movies all the time!” He had this stupid smile on his face that she knew she couldn't dare look at. If she did, she wouldn't be able to look away. Instead, a small curl of her lips bloomed on her own face. “Have you ever seen Space Uprising? It's my favorite,” he asked.

“Of course. It's my favorite too.” What a coincidence.

“Wow, L/N-chan!. That’s awesome!” Finally, she felt herself unraveling. The caution she had did not dissipate completely, no, but she felt comfortable. She set her book to the side, letting her eyes lift to gaze at his features.

He couldn't help but gaze back, wondering how he missed this girl for all these years.

______________________

Y/N still wasn't used to hearing his voice call out for her. He would rush up behind her in the hallways, crowded with girls who wanted to stab her. Most had never seen her before, and wondered how such a weird girl could gain the attention of their favorite princely setter.

Everyday at lunch, he made sure she sat with him and Iwaizumi in one of the near empty classrooms. He would call her first name in an almost sing-song tone. Dammit. Y/N loved his voice. It was so sweet and cheerful, yet so full of life that it made her feel alive too. Part of her lived just to hear his melody.

“Y/N-chan, please give me some milk bread, please! You know it's my favorite,” he whined, watching as she unwrapped the delicious treat. Little did he know she only bought the snack because he loved it. Subtly, she wanted him to ask her for some just so she could hear him whine like a little kid. It was addicting.

“Why didn't you bring your own, dummy?” she asked as she broke the small loaf in half. She always did that, scolded him but still offered to help him. It physically hurt her to see him sad. She gave him the half, and the brightest smile broke out on his face. “Happy?”

“Very! You're so nice to me!” the boy cheered

She nodded, about to say something else. But her phone stopped her. Normally, she never receives texts, not unless they were from Oikawa or Iwaizumi. Obviously, they weren't the culprits.

Quietly, she slipped her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it, scanning over her notifications. There was only one actual text, the rest were a bland, disappointing series of unread emails and app messages from companies.

The text was from her younger cousin. For a few seconds, she wondered what the hell she could want. They never spoke, only at parties and holidays.

When she read the text though, her heart sunk in her chest.

‘Hey! I found my soulmate. We met in the mall this morning! His name is Mika, and I can't wait until you can meet him!!’

Her chest tightened. Breaths became ragged. Her heart sunk, soul clenched, mind ran wild. She felt like she was dying, but she couldn't let go.

As she stood up, chair scratching against the floor with a terrifying screech. She didn't say anything, finding that there was no possible way for her to explain how she felt. Oikawa called to her, concerned, but she couldn't turn around. She rushed out of the classroom into the nearly empty hall.

And it was then that she began sobbing. She buried her face into her palms and screamed into her skin. She wanted to just collapse into a pathetic lump on the floor and never get back up to face her friends again.

It always hurt knowing she could never be with her soulmate but hearing of other people enjoying their fate, and it made everything come crumbling down. So, she cried. She cried because she could never love her soulmate. She would never kiss him, hug him, or feel her hands running through his hair. It was all a stupid, reckless dream.

Footsteps approached her, coming from the classroom. All she could think was that Oikawa would come asking her what was wrong, and she would have to keep her mouth shut. She would have to make up some lie, fabricated just to prevent the truth from slipping off her tongue.

Instead, when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, a deeper voice rung in her ear. “L/N, I saw what the text said.”

She kept silent, only whimpers escaping her lips and shaking her body violently.

“You’re not jealous, so what’s the problem?” he questioned, his head tilted down by her ear so he could whisper. Listening ears and prying eyes could sneak into their conversation, and neither wanted that.

All she could do was shake her head and mutter, “You couldn’t understand, Iwaizumi. You just can't.”

“I have a soulmate, too. I can understand.”

“No, this is different,” she told him without so much as an explanation. He was still deep in the darkness of not knowing, yet he felt he was getting somewhere. There was something locked up in her mind that she refused to let out; it raged on, but she wouldn't accept it.

It was always there, that lack of trust, the single secret that plagued her. Oikawa might have overlooked it; Iwaizumi, though, had his eyes on her from the moment they officially met.

“You’ve been lying to us this whole time, haven't you?” he accused. There was a silence, tense and thick. She had nothing to say. She couldn't lie no matter how much she wanted to. He already knew.

He grabbed her arm before she could yank it away from him. Her precious sleeves were pushed up for the first time in years to reveal that little mark on her wrist. Only three little lines, each one with a small bulb on the edge. It was so simple. So recognizable.

A grimace crossed her face, consuming her emotions with pure fear. He knew. Now, everyone would know. It was horrifying.

“You can't tell him.”

He ignored her as he dropped her wrist from his grasp. “How long have you known?” he asked lowly, his eyes sliding to the door to make sure the boy subjected wasn't listening.

She sighed. “Second year of junior high.”

That was a damn long time. How could she never say anything? It was infuriating. “And you never told him?”

“You know I can't.”

“Actually, no, I don't know,” he growled. “You are his soulmate. You have no right to deprive him of his fate just because you have some inferiority complex.” It was true. She never really thought about it that way. She assumed he needed to be with someone better than her. He did, but she was his soulmate…

Still, she believed fate had made a terrible mistake.

She pulled down her sleeve and shuffled. “Promise me you won't tell him.”

“Will you?”

“I’ll try.”

“That's not good enough. Swear to me you will tell him,” he lowly commanded, his hand going to grip her shoulder. He needed her to do this one thing, this one terribly important thing. It wasn't her choice, but instead a moral obligation. “If you don't, I will.”

She could only nod. It was time. God, she dreaded the day for years.

_________________________

It was around seven that night. She waited around the gym, watching Oikawa and Iwaizumi practice until they were both tired and hungry. They worked so hard, her soulmate especially. It made her chest bubble with pride.

Tonight, she would reveal that painful secret she kept hidden for years. It had been a week and a half since she was threatened by Iwaizumi, and she knew she didn't have much time left before he went through with his threats. So she waited for them to be done, like she did every day. Only, the other days she never felt like impending doom was reigning over her head.

What if he rejected her? Despite knowing it was the most likely outcome, she couldn't accept it in the pit of her stomach. It ached and stung and turned throughout the night before and into the next day. She wanted to throw up, but it was only in her mind.

That didn't make it hurt any less when she thought about their friendship ending that night. Tears gathered in her eyes as she realized she wouldn't hear his voice, or listen to him rant about aliens, or get his help on her stupid English homework, or watch him beg for her sweets at lunch. She’d never walk home with him again. She’d never ride the train beside him again. She’d never get to hug him again.

She did all her crying the night before, truly the entire week before this day. So, she just sat there, internally wallowing in her crushing self-loathing. How could he possibly fall in love with her one day if she didn't love herself?

Practice ended quickly, faster than she thought possible. And she watched as they walked out of the locker rooms with their club jackets on and bags slung over their shoulders. Oikawa smiled at her, and she couldn't help but send a small smile his way as well. Really, she just wanted to scream.

She stood from the bleachers and walked to her friends’ sides. Iwaizumi wished them a goodbye as he walked down the lengthy sidewalk into town. They were heading the other way, to the train station.

Until the train arrived at their stop, she listened as Oikawa went on about some nonsense he read in a book the night before, something about creatures of the night and a haunted house...She was so lost in thought, she barely listened.

And then they were walking down the road, which was about ten blocks from her house. He always walked her home first and then to his own a little ways away.

“Y/N, what does it feel like to meet your soulmate?” he asked lightly, hands shoved in his pockets and head hanging to stare at his steps. He asked that so suddenly, and she wondered why he would ask her, of all people. For all he knew, she's never met her soulmate. “I mean like, what have you heard about it? From your parents or friends or something…”

“I heard it's an instant connection. You only have to see them before you feel yourself pulled to them. And when you first talk to them, you want to know everything about them, so much that it hurts you. You fall in love with their voice, and their quirks, and their flaws,” she explained, her voice softening. “It only takes a few minutes or even seconds. You fall in love with everything.”

It was quiet for a minute. They kept walking, but she felt like she could just stand there with him for hours. He still didn't know, but it felt like she got a chunk of her confession off her chest. He sent her a side-eyed look, questioning her, “Sounds like you have personal experience.”

“Not really...It's only what my mom and dad told me,” she brushed off the thought swiftly.

He sighed, looking down at the sidewalk once again, eyes shut peacefully. She waited for him to say something...anything. Anything to ease this tension. “I’ve definitely felt that way before. In fact, I’ve felt it everyday for months now. Maybe I'm just exaggerating the symptoms, but I swear it's real, Y/N.”

“Who?”

“That's not important. We’re not soulmates so it doesn't matter.”

He loved someone else.

It was exactly that moment when her heart tore in half. Yet, the pain sent adrenaline through her veins. All those doubts were still there, in fact, she believed that she would be turned down one hundred percent...But, with her heart clenched and a head full of doubts wreaking havoc on her well-being, she felt like it was time. She would lose him now. At least the burden would be lifted from her shoulders.

“Tooru, I lied to you. I’ve met my soulmate.”

He turned to her, stopping in the middle of that empty night sidewalk. His fingers wrapped around her left wrist, the one void of the mark. He stared, so intensely that she thought it would pierce her. “You have?”

“Yeah.”

He only shook his head, hair bouncing around his face. Desperation. It was all over his face and in his eyes. He knew this day would come, but he always dreaded it. “Well, who is it? Do I know him?” The thought of her with someone else physically tortured him, heart beating out of his chest and his legs growing weak.

She shook off his hand gently, moving her fingers to the sleeve of her cardigan. This was the last real moment of their friendship, for better or worse. The last deep breath she took lasted too long and she still felt empty; she felt empty and scared and pitiful.

Her fingers rolled up her sleeve for the first time in his presence and she showed him the mark. “I’m sorry, Tooru. I know I shouldn't bother you, but I just had to tell you, just so you wouldn't look for her anymore,” Y/N whispered, unable to look up at him.

“Why didn't you tell me?” he questioned, gripping her wrist in his hand and staring at it. It was distinctively his, but it didn't make any sense. He couldn't understand. Nothing was making any sense. Did she hate him? Is that why she never told him? “You’ve known all this time and you never said anything? Do I mean nothing to you?”

Fuck, he wanted to be angry, furious, so mad he wouldn't hold back. He was too sad to feel anything else other than the blunt force of dejection.

“No. I care about you. I just couldn't hurt you like this. I never wanted to tell you-”

“Why? Why the hell do you think this hurts me? It hurts that you weren't going to tell me. If you loved me, you would have told me something!” he exclaimed, his passion running dry. He was just so fucking put out by the entire situation. “What is wrong with you?”

Tears fell from her eyes and her face turned red. She knew this was going to happen. She knew telling him would ruin everything. Her breaths came out ragged. It just made her want to run away. He was so angry and hurt and harsh to a point she’s never seen him before.

She whispered to him, so softly you could hear the quivers and hesitation, “I’m sorry. I was afraid. I just wanted to give you a chance at someone you actually want, not me-”

He interrupted her, his voice getting louder and louder as it got harder to breathe. “I want you! I want you so much it hurts. I thought you weren't my soulmate, and I would never have a chance with you,” he exclaimed. “Do you know how much that hurt?!”

The girl stumbled back a bit, her hand pressed to her chest. She could feel the rapid pulsing of her heart against her palm. “Tooru, I-I…” But he did not let her speak.

“I love you! The whole entire school knew I loved you! How could you not get that?” he asked, clutching his hands into fists by his sides as he stared at her. His eyes creamed pain and anger while hers were cold and full of fear. As she shook, his eyes took in her form, her teary eyes and her shaking body. She looked miserable, and regret came crashing down on him. He was still angry that she kept this secret from him all this time, but happiness was beginning to bloom in his chest.

The girl he was in love with was his soulmate.

“Tell me you love me, Y/N.” It was only a breath, a few words to fall from his lips.

She looked up to him finally, her red eyes staring into his. “I’ve loved you for such a long time, Tooru. I’ve always loved you, dammit.”

After a moment, she lost control. The girl rushed up to him, crushing the space between them and crashing into his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her face pressed into his chest. There was no hesitation when he hugged her back, pressing her shaking body to his chest and nuzzling her hair.

“It’s a good thing we’re soulmates then,” he whispered beside her ear.

She laughed, nodding into his chest. “Yeah. A really good thing.”

#oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #one shot #haikyuu one shot #writing #oikawa

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sugasbong · 6 years ago

Text

I was tagged by @kissingeve forever ago and just now actually got on a computer

Rules: Answer the questions and then tag 10 followers who you would like to get to know better.

Star Sign:

Virgo

Height:

5′2

Put your playlist on shuffle and name the first 4 songs that play:

Right Here Right Now by Jesus Jones

Feel Invincible by Skillet

Alone Together by Fall Out Boy

Yes by Demi Lovato

Grab the nearest book next to you, turn to page 23. What is line 17?

"...crashing down together amidst the rushes in a tangle of...” from A Clash of Kings, the second Game of Thrones book

Ever had a song or poem written about you?

Yea my girlfriend has written me a few songs over the years

When was the last time you played air guitar?

tbh probably like yesterday. i can’t dance so my jamming out to a song is like 90% air guitar

What’s a sound you hate? You love?

hate that error noise your computer makes when something goes wrong. love the sound of a fireplace burning, i usually put on youtube sounds of it when i study.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Nah

Do you believe in aliens?

Kinda like not in the classic Star Trek sense. I feel like there’s just some other life forms out there minding they’re own business not giving a fuck that we’re out here

Do you drive? And if so, have you ever crashed?

yeah I got my license when i was 16. uhhhh i’ve crashed a few times (just wanna add none of them were my fault!)

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

love it

What’s the last movie you’ve seen?

Watched some Hallmark winter romance movie with my mom last night, it was pretty good as far as those movies go lol

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Uhh related to the “have you ever crashed” question. Was in a roll-over car accident a couple years ago and i got a nasty concussion from it

Do you have any obsessions right now?

UGH i’m so obsessed with Killing Eve rn since they announced S2′s date. i’m so HYPE.

Do you tend to hold grudges?

idk i wouldn’t call it grudges per say but i am a bit of a serial bridge burner. so like i won’t hold a grudge i’ll just kinda be done with you LOL

In a relationship?

yep! gonna be three years this April (:

sooo i’m really bad at picking people to tag for these things so i’m just gonna pick a few people sorry i didn’t do 10 lol

@evanelle @anna-wa @eve-and-villanelle @celestictarot @wagtobin @blue-dreamer-13

and anyone else who wants to do one of these

#me #i guess

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lovemesomesurveys · 6 years ago

Text

What’s your name? Stephanie.

What time is it right now? 11:01PM.

When were you born? 430 PM.

Who are you closest to in your family? My mom, younger brother, and my doggo.

What is the closest green item to you? The straw I’m using.

Would you rather text people or talk to them on the phone? Text. I am sooo not a talk-on-the-phone kind of person.

What program on your computer do you use the most? Firefox.

Do you have a cat? No.

What is your middle name backwards? Nah.

How often do you visit this website? I keep Tumblr on tab, ha.

Are you a good speller? I believe so.

Are you good at baking cupcakes? I don’t bake ‘em from scratch or anything, but I make some good cupcakes outta the box, ha. Good enough for me.

Do you currently have a job? No.

What year did you/will you graduate in? I graduated college in 2015.

Do you have your drivers liscence? No, just an ID. I don’t drive.

Does it take you long to fall asleep at night? Gotta love insomnia. I’m up until like 5AM every night. :/

Do you think other people consider you a flirt? No.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Well for one I don’t “get ready” unless I’m going somewhere, which isn’t that often. If I actually put some effort in and do my makeup, then it can take an hour. On days where I’m just going to the doctor, it takes like 10 minutes.

Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? No. Not unless I had an issue that was affecting me in some way. Like if something happened to my nose and it was crooked and/or I couldn’t breathe well. Something like that.

Do you smoke pot? No. It’s been years since the last time.

Who is your hero in life? My mom.

What is your favorite breed of dog? Labs and German Shepherds. (:

Where is your favorite place to go out to eat? I don’t like going out to eat anymore to be honest, I’m much more of a takeout kind of gal where I can just enjoy my food at home.

How long have you known your best friend? My whole life, almost 30 years.

What are your thoughts on abortion?

When do you think the world is going to end? No one knows exactly when it will happen.

Do you think there are aliens out there? I don’t think so. There’s living organisms of some kind out there, but not aliens in the way that’s often portrayed.

Do you believe in God? Yes.

Are you still a virgin? I am.

Are you comfortable with our current goverment? Going on a month now of a government shutdown.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? A lot of things, but if I could only choose one I’d have to go with improving my health.

Are you a fan of anime? No.

What kind of cell phone do you have? iPhone XR.

What color do you want your next car to be?

Can you type without looking at the keys? Yep. I’ve been typing and using a computer since I was like 9 years old. I’m almost 30, so you have to remember that for me that was back in the late 90s. Nowadays kids have been using computers and cell phones since they were like 2 years old.

How much money do you have on you right now? I’m broke.

Do you smoke? No.

How tall are you? About 5′4.

What is your favorite Christmas movie? I have many. I love Christmas movies.

Do you celebrate your pet’s birthdays? Yep. My doggo turns 2 years old next month.

Would you consider yourself selfish? I think everyone can be to an extent, which isn’t always a bad thing. Some people are extremely selfish and that’s where it becomes a problem. As for me. I feel like I’ve been more selfish that I’d like to be these past few years. My health, especially my mental health, has really made me someone I don’t like. Not an excuse, I’m just keeping it real.

What kind of mood are you in right now? A sick mood. My immune system has really been tested and working hard for like a month now cause I’ve been in the same household with 2 people who were really sick. My mom just found out she has bronchitis. I feel like I’m losing the battle now, though. D:

Name your favorite song from the 80’s. I have a lot of those, actually.

Are you a fan of Spongebob Squarepants? Eh. I wouldn’t say I’m a fan, but I watched it sometimes when my younger brother did when he was a kid. He and one of my cousins were obsessed with it. I became familiar enough with the old episodes and appreciated some of the jokes and such, but I couldn’t even tell you the last time I’ve seen an episode.

Do you like fruits or vegetables more? Fruits.

How much time a week do you spend watching TV? I mean, my TV is usually on most of the time but as for how much I’m actually watching... it really varies day to day and what’s on. I admit it serves as background noise a lot.

Do you play any sports? Nope.

Who was your last text message from? My brother.

Do you like Taylor Swift? No.

Do you enjoy going grocery shopping? Yeah, I go with my mom to do our big grocery shopping trips at Walmart.

Do you like skim milk? I use soy or almond milk if I need it for something.

Name two people in your life that mean the most to you. I have 4 people who mean the most to me.

Do you like short surveys or long ones better? Long ones. At least 20-25 questions.

Are you a Facebook addict? Nah. I go on there and scroll down the news feed for a few minutes a couple times or so a day.

Have you ever appeared on television? When I was a baby after the accident.

Do you like to read? Love it. I just wish I read more often.

What is your favorite kind of cookie? Sugar or shortbread.

Do you have any kids of your own? Nooo.

What was your first job? Never had one.

Do material things matter to you? I can’t say that I don’t enjoy things like my laptop and phone, but they’re not the most important things in life.

Where is your favorite city? I have a few that I’ve been to in California that I love.

What was your last dream about? I don’t remember.

Are you currently going to college? Nope, I graduated in 2015.

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one.

Do you shop at Wal-Mart? Yep.

Do you usually have good luck? I don’t believe in luck, but if I did I wouldn’t say that I have it.

Do you get bored easily? Some days I’m just especially bored with everything and the things I like to do everyday just aren’t cutting it and the day seems to just draaaaaaaag on.

What annoys you the most about other people? Closed-mindedness is one thing.

Are you currently in a relationship? No.

Have you ever been drunk before? Yeah, a few too many times.

Are you afraid of flying? Yes. I get the itch to travel somewhere by plane sometimes, though. I’ve flown a total of 2 times in my life, but that was over 10 years ago now.

Have you ever been bitten by an animal (not an insect)? No.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? Nope.

Are you good at drawing? No. I think I color pretty good, though. Ha.

How many text messages do you think you send in one month? I don’t know, but not a lot at all.

Have you ever had a stalker? Not to my knowledge.

What grosses you out the most? I’m pretty squeamish.

How much sleep do you get every night? I actually get like 8 hours usually, but it never, ever feels like enough. I don’t wake up feeling rested.

When’s the last time you threw up? Early last year.

What is your idea of the perfect date? I’m not hard to please, honestly.

Are you more of a morning or night person? I guess a night person.

Can you speak more than one language? Very little Spanish. I’m especially rusty now; though, than I used to be.

Do you own anything from Hollister? Not anymore, but I used to have some shirts and hoodies.

Are you immature for your age? I can be.

Are you afraid of spiders? EXTREMELY.

Are you tired right now? Yes. Always.

What was the last thing you ate? Chicken strips and fries.

What is your favorite flavor of milkshake? Banana or strawberry.

Have you ever seen the movie Rent? No. I know that one popular song from it, though about time and such.

Who is your favorite celebrity? Alexander Skarsgard.

What’s the highest number you’ve counted to out loud? I don’t know.

What is your favorite video game? Mario Bros will always be a favorite.

Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses.

Are you looking forward to summer this year? Ew, noooo. I’m no rush at all.

Do you have trouble letting go of the past? Yes. :/ I dwell there too much.

Do you like your hair better straight or curly? Straight.

Do you wish you would grow taller? Just a bit taller would be helpful.

Do your parents make you do chores? No. I mean, we’re 4 adults living here so we contribute in some way and clean up after ourselves, but it’s not “chores.”

Have you ever been to the circus? Yes, when I was a kid. Never again.

What’s the longest word you know? I know the name for the fear of long words is super long. I couldn’t tell you what it is, though.

Do you use teeth whitener? No.

Do you keep your room neat and clean? I try, but it’s a bit cluttery now than I’d like.

Can you count to ten in French? Nope.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Bob? No.

Do you have a little sister? No.

Do you speak with an accent? >> Everyone does, to someone. So, yes. <<< True. It’s just weird for me to think of myself having an accent as I’m just a gal from California lol.

We’re you a bad child when you were younger? Nope.

Do you get grumpy often for no reason? Yes. I get very moody and irritable all the time. :/

Do you want to have kids/more kids in the future? No kids for me.

What is your dream career? I don’t have one.

Do you iron your clothes? No.

Do you like to go tanning? No.

Are you the type of person who likes to party a lot? Ha, nope. I don’t party at all.

Would you consider your family “rich”? No.

Are you addicted to sugar? Not really. I get my cravings for something, but it’s not something I want all the time.

Have you ever tried using a dating website? Nope. I have no interest in doing so.

What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? I don’t know. I’m very picky.

What is/was your favorite class in school? English. And of course a lot of my psych classes in college.

What is your favorite type of exercise? None.

Do you believe in getting revenge on someone who’s hurt you? No.

Do you live near any volcanoes? Nope.

Name one word that you always have trouble pronouncing. Hmm. My mom just got Azithromycin and I can’t seem to pronounce it at all lol. Like I know it in my head, but it won’t come out right.

Have you ever ridden in a taxi? Yeah.

What’s your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, dusty rose, yellow.

Would you rather use crayons or colored pencils? Colored pencils.

Have you ever had a migraine? No. I did used to get terrible tension headaches often in high school. I still get them every now and then.

Tell me something about yourself that you don’t normally tell people. I already tell you guys more than I tell anyone.

Have you ever served in the military? No.

What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Eggs and hash browns, especially with sausage gravy, or oatmeal.

Do you go to the gym? Nope.

Do you know how to write HTML? I only know the very, very basics.

What is your favorite book? Too many of those.

Do you have any songs that seem to fit your life perfectly? It definitely feels that way with certain songs.

How many concerts have you been to? I think 6 or 7.

Have you ever tried “planking”? No.

Do you shop at Hot Topic? Yeah.

Are you confident with your appearance? Not at all.

Do you have trouble sitting still for long periods of time? Oh yes.

Do you use the alarm clock on your phone or do you have an actual alarm? I use the one on my phone.

Is your internet connection fast? Yeah.

Do you enjoy snow? Yes, but I live somewhere it doesn’t snow so for me it’s such a novelty. People who live where it snows often don’t like it so much.

What are your initials? Nah.

Are you paranoid of other people talking about you behind your back? Yes, but not as much as I used to be.

Are you germaphobic? I know some people really suffer with that, so I don’t want to use the term lightly, but I never share drinks or eat off the same fork or whatever with anyone. I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember.

Do you get along with your parents? Yes.

Have you ever had food poisoning? I don’t believe so.

Are you impatient? Very.

What is your favorite thing to put on a sandwhich? Turkey, provolone, mustard, mayo, and pesto.

Do you trust yourself with big responsibilities? I wouldn’t now. :/

Do you like long car rides? Depends.

How often do you shower? 3 to 4 times.

Do you consider yourself a bully? Only to myself.

Who were you last mad at and why? Me cause I’m like... *gestures vaguely* this.

Are your parents currently togther? Yes.

Do you find the rain calming? Yes.

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? Strawberry.

Do you follow football? Nope.

Have you ever had an emotional breakdown? >> Yes. It still amazes me that there are people walking around that have never had one, ever. Wild. <<<<

Do you think tomorrow will be a good day for you? I’m just looking forward to getting a Souffle from Panera Bread, ha.

Are you in a good mood? I’m siiiiiick.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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acarolingfae-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Hana

“So, why are you here?”

What do you mean?

“I mean, like... what are you doing here?”

Well I'm kinda here doing a favor for your subconscious.

“So, you're not my subconscious?”

Nah, I just work for him. He’s a cool guy though. I kinda exist on a necessitation basis.

“Which means?”

Okay, so... I exist because there's an objective requirement for the duties I perform. It's part of the Universal Creation Imperative.

“Are you just making up phrases to mess with me?”

Nah, man. It's the cornerstone of the doctrine of rules that facilitate and protect the fate of everything that you know to exist.

“This is bullshit, man. You're like a hallucination or a demon or something I gotta get you out of my head.”

Wait man just hear me out. If you listen to everything I have to say and still never want to see me again I'll go away forever.

“...How do I know you will?”

Hey man, it doesn't really matter does it? It's basically no extra work, and if I was gonna stick around I would do it anyway, right?

“...Alright fine. Go ahead.”

Thank you. Alright. First off, since I'm a product of YOUR subconscious I don't know anything that you don't already know on some level, or can't deduce based off what you already know. This is a really important thing to establish, though it might not be relevant right now; we'll see. Second, whether or not you can sense me doesn't matter. I'll be a part of your mind until you die and I have been since you were old enough to think in more than just vague concepts. At the end of my spiel and your questions you will have the choice between keeping me in your life or forgetting about this whole conversation and never seeing me again. If you choose to forget me, I'll just recede back into your subconscious and do stuff there. Either way, I'll be guiding you toward your predetermined fate. It's just that if you DO see me, I'll be less subtle about things so you get to see all the cool shit I can do. Plus, I'm already calibrated in a way that fits your specific personality, so we're guaranteed to get along famously. Anyway, do you have any questions?

“Uh... yeah... so if you're ‘guiding me to my fate,’ what is my fate exactly?”

Well eventually you'll die.

“Yeah I kinda figured. But what about before that?”

I dunno *shrug*

“What?”

Dude, I already told you I don't know anything you don't know. And you definitely don't know the future.

“So how do you know what you're doing is right?”

Because I'm doing it.

“What?! That doesn't--”

Look man, I exist by “necessitation.” I was created with pre-calculated values to match my personality with yours, with that fate in mind. I am what's needed; whatever I do needs to be done; whatever I say needs to be said. It's the same thing with you: you will never think anything that hasn't already been mapped out, and every one of your thoughts exists for a reason, though you might not know what it is at the time.

“Hmm... fair enough. But don't you ever doubt yourself?”

Nope. YOU feel doubt because it's a good safety mechanism. Otherwise, if you do everything you want you when you want to do it, you will kill us all in a spectacular fashion. I, on the other hand, don't need to reconsider my decisions, because I'm not a real person like you are. It’s a bit redundant on me.

“Riiight... so, what do I call you?”

Ooh, this'll be fun. I'm a product of your subconscious so whatever name you assigned to me without realizing when you first saw me is the name I go by.

“So how do I know what that is?”

Why don't you think hard for a sec, and on the count of three I'll say my name while you say what you think it is.

“Okay...”

Ready? 1... 2... 3!

*Both* “Hana!”

“Woah...”

Pretty cool, huh?

“Totally. So, does everyone have one of you?”

Pretty much, yeah. There might be a few people out there that don't, I dunno. Not a lot of people can see theirs--in fact, you haven't met a person who can--but everyone you've met has one.

“How do you know? Can you see others?”

Yeah, man. Every time you consciously exchange ideas with a person, whether by talking, texting, or whatever, me and their guide also have a little chat. Your subconscious is used every time you make a conscious action, so whatever you do I know about it too.

“So you're like a ‘guide.’”

If you wanna think of it that way, sure.

“You just called yourself a ‘guide!’”

Then apparently you must think of me that way.

“But...I...whatever. Then how would you think of it?”

Well I'd like to be known as a trailblazer, seer, warrior-philosopher type, but really I'm more like a close friend that only you can see.

“An imaginary friend?”

Sure, but that's a little degrading innit?

“Sorry, but this whole thing is still a little overwhelming.”

That's okay. Hey, remember that book with the fighting bears? You really like the series, with the alien creatures that evolved to use tree seeds as wheels to roll around on.

“Yeah the... uh...” *snap* “His Dark Materials series!”

Yep. Remember in that one universe, where everybody has a daemon that represents their soul?

“Oh right! Are you-”

Kinda, but it's a little different from that. I can't quite remember it ‘cause you haven't read it in a while, but it's not like I'm your soul, or I can die or anything.

“You're immortal?”

No because I'm not technically alive. I'm tied to you, but not the 'you' you think of. I mean the whole 'you,' including your subconscious and everything else that ticks in your mind. And body.

“I'm not sure I follow.”

Look man, you might think that everything you are aware of is everything that you are, but you're dead wrong. You may not realize it, but YOU also exist out of necessitation. Your conscious mind is a creation of your brain to help you arrange executive orders and make macroscopic decisions. The other parts of your mind deal with the mundane details like growing hair or redirecting sodium so you can focus on whether or not those jeans make your butt look big enough. Which they don’t, by the way.

“Yeah, that's not my issue. How are you not technically alive?”

Well, living as you know it is a highly independent experience. Something that is alive supports itself physically and biologically, recycling resources and energy to keep on keeping on, ya know. You aren't alive either, your body is.

“Fine, but my decisions have a tangible effect on the physical world.”

And mine don't? Up until now you've been sending vibrations out into the air just because I decided to show myself to you.

“Isn't that more of an effect by proxy?”

Yes, but how are you any different?

“Well, I can choose when to act, and you must choose when to make me act.”

YOU are not acting. "YOU" *circling motion* are. The machine that is your human body is what’s doing stuff. If we could isolate the neuronal connections that facilitate YOUR existence and keep them in a jar, none of your decisions would mean squat. Effectively, you wouldn't be making any choices because there's no difference in tangible outcome.

“Okay, but telling a machine to move and telling a person to move a machine are pretty different.”

You don't think I have control over your body too? You know how many times I saved your clumsy ass from falling off a bunk bed?

“I've never--”

Yeah, because of me you donut. You're welcome

“Thank you?”

Yeah, whatever. Do you have any other questions?

“Um, yeah. Sure... why, umm... why are you... whatever it is you are?”

Hey man that's pretty rude, not gonna lie. I think you look pretty weird too but I don't spout off about it all the f-

“Sorry! Sorry. It's just... I've never seen one of you before.”

It's alright. I am whatever my calibrations make me.

“So you're some kind of... furry dishwasher?”

Well I don't wash dishes, but I do like the cubular shape, sooo...

“So for the rest of my life, I'll have to look at an imaginary fuzzy cube that talks to me?”

Not necessarily. I'm a representative of your subconscious, so I will gradually change as you do. And, if you ever get into any major life-changes, I'll probably look pretty different at the end of it.

“Oh thank god.”

Yeah nice to meet you too, fruitcake.

#hana #dialogue #fiction #subconscious #metaphysics #short story #banter

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