#one of the things that made happy during that weirdass psychological time

[derrierelamaree]

in front of my window, there’s a couple of pigeons making their nest. sure the lady is expecting baby pigeons, she’s etheral in their tiny nest 🥺

[eldri-sv]

29 - Shinsou

Kaori Shinsou has always been fascinated by people’s minds. She is one of the best students in her Criminal Psychology course at U.A. and - being the lucky girl she is - her professor is not only one handsome dude, but is also working on the case of the serial killer Stain - a case that has been going on for years. As she is about to become Professor Aizawa’s TA during the next term, a lot of other interesting cases start popping up all over the country…

Oh, are we really born free?

(Nerina Pallot - Rousseau)

Kaori Shinsou wasn't sure what she was supposed to take away from this day. A whole lot had happened. It had started with her spilling coffee all over herself. She almost had fallen asleep in Ishiyama's course again, but thankfully he didn't notice this time (even though he made a remark about her coffee-stained blouse). Then, during lunch, Nishiyama had been making snarky comments at her constantly.

Kaori was trying to look for Hitoshi, but he was nowhere to be seen. She wondered if he had even gone to school. It was also during lunch that she had gotten that weirdass email from Aizawa. It really bugged her that he just wouldn't talk to her anymore. The only communication they had was via email. And even that was minimal. He only ever sent an email when there was something important now.

And now he wanted her to meet with Tsukauchi during office hours? What did Tsukauchi want from her? Kaori had hoped that she might hear something about it either before or after the Criminal Psychology class, but nothing. Everything was as usual, except for Aizawa completely ignoring her. It was starting to really piss her off how he was ignoring her all the time.

The rest of the day went by and Kaori figured it would be a good idea to see if she could borrow a blouse or a shirt from someone else. The thing was that only Takami was still on campus. Through some miracle of fate today was the single day in his whole life he was actually wearing a dress shirt. So they had met in the library and changed shirts. The good thing about Takami was that he just didn't give a shit.

So it didn't bother him walking around in Kaori's coffee stained blouse (which honestly looked ridiculous on him, because it was a woman's blouse and it was way too small for him). Kaori was pretty happy with this exchange. Takami's shirt was far from spotless, but there were barely any visible stains on it. At least she wouldn't look like an idiot in front of Tsukauchi.

After the exchange had happened, Kaori had decided to take a bit of a nap in the library, before continuing to study. She had a good bit of time until she had to go to her little chat with Tsukauchi.

She hadn't realised, however, how tired she was and was thankfully woken up by the librarian who shushed her out of the library, because they were closing. Which was just in time, because she really should have been at that meeting already. On the way to the classroom, she was quickly checking her texts and apparently Takami had ended up in detention. Whether that was for walking around campus shirtless or in her blouse was a little unclear and she had no time to ask.

And then Tsukauchi had asked her - the walking, talking mess that she was - whether she wanted to join the National Police Department for her work studies. What a question was that even. Anyone who'd say no to that opportunity was basically committing professional suicide.

And the whole interaction with Aizawa after that - it had been kind of awkward, but... she was glad that they were talking again and that she knew what had happened. She was still pissed about those rumours (which clearly came from Nishiyama, let's be honest here). But at least she was going to the summer camp with her hot professor and Nishiyama was... well, not.

Kaori opened the door to her home. Thankfully, it had been later in the evening when she was on her way home, so the sun wasn't beating down as mercilessly anymore. Today had been an insanely hot day. Maybe she should take the time and head to the U.A. pool one of these days. If the weather stayed as good as this, then maybe a nice refreshing swim would be worth enduring the crowded pool.

"Toshi, are you home?" Kaori shouted, as she dropped her bag on the kitchen chair. First of all, she needed coffee. She got the kettle and filled it up with water, before starting to clean out the french press.

"Where the hell have you been?" Hitoshi asked, sticking his head out of his door. He looked like he was up to something.

"Where have you been all day? I didn't see you during lunch." Kaori countered his question. He shrugged.

"I might or might not have gotten lunch somewhere else. How long do you think the shops will still be open?" he wanted to know. Kaori raised an eyebrow at him as she started putting the coffee grounds in the french press.

"What do you need?" she replied.

"Nothing, just wanted to have a look."

"Oh my God, Hitoshi, you're the worst liar in the entire world." Kaori said and poured the boiling water over the coffee grounds. She turned back to Hitoshi who was rubbing the back of his neck.

"You heard about this black tie party that the Psychology department is organizing in Shibuya?" he asked. Kaori huffed. Hitoshi probably thought that this was inconspicuous, but it wasn't. At all.

"Who asked you to go?" she wanted to know with a smile. Of course she had heard of that party. It was organized every year and a lot of people got really, really blackout drunk every year.

"No one, I... I was wondering if you'd maybe wanna go with me?" he said. Kaori raised an eyebrow.

"Me? Why do you wanna go in the first place?"

"I thought it might be fun."

"Bullshit."

"I overheard Kaminari and his friends talking about going. So I figured, if I go we might get talking or something. Plus, it would make sense for me to go, since I'm in the Psychology department." Hitoshi explained, looking a little embarrassed. Kaori smiled and slowly pushed down the plunger in the coffee press.

"Why aren't you going on your own then?" she asked.

"Going alone would suck." Hitoshi replied

"Okay, that's fair I guess. Want a cup?" Kaori said. Hitoshi nodded.

"Is that why you asked about the shops?" she wanted to know. Hitoshi nodded again and grabbed one of the cookies out of the tin that was left on the kitchen counter. Kaori got two cups out of the cupboard and was about to start pouring the coffee into them when Hitoshi stopped her.

"Please don't." he said and took the french press out of her hand. Kaori watched impatiently, as he poured the coffee slowly. It was like torture. She needed a quick fix and Hitoshi was making a ritual out of it.

"For fucks' sake, Toshi. It's getting cold, before we can drink it." she muttered, tapping her fingers on the countertop passive-aggressively. Hitoshi just laughed and shook his head calmly.

"It won't get cold. Patience, Kao-chan." he replied and finished pouring the coffee. Kaori grabbed her cup energetically and of course spilled some drops of it on Takami's shirt. Didn't matter, she'd have to wash it anyway, before giving it back.

"So. Why are you back so late?" Hitoshi asked again, slowly sipping from his coffee. Kaori hopped onto the kitchen counter and leaned her head against the cupboards. For some reason she had always preferred sitting on top of the counter to sitting on a chair, like a normal person.

"I had a meeting with someone and they made a proposition. I accepted." she answered. Hitoshi raised an eyebrow, clearly not happy with that answer. Kaori felt lazy, however. If he wanted to know more he'd have to ask.

"What kind of proposition? Sounds kinda weird if you put it like that. And whose shirt is that? I know you don't own a shirt like this." Hitoshi replied.

"That's Takami's shirt. Had to borrow it, because I spilled coffee all over my blouse." Kaori said with a sigh.

"Ah, that's why he was running around campus shirtless. So what the hell was that meeting about?"

"Detective Tsukauchi asked me if I wanted to continue my work studies under him in the National Police Department." Kaori answered, as if it was completely unimportant. She just had no energy left at this moment. Hitoshi looked at her, his eyes full of disbelief. He shook his head.

"No fucking way."

"Yup. Gonna work with Aizawa. First thing I'm gonna do is help with the Stain interrogation. Kind of Hannibal style I'd imagine." Kaori replied with a shrug. Hitoshi's eyes looked like they might fall out of their sockets. Which was a disturbing thing to imagine, really, if Kaori hadn't seen worse.

"You're fucking with me." he finally said. Kaori laughed.

"No, Toshi, I'm not fucking with you."

"You and Aizawa working together is gonna get awkward, isn't it? Like, with the two of you not talking anymore and all?" he asked.

"I think it'll be fine actually. Aizawa and I talked after I accepted Tsukauchi's offer and we're all good now. He asked me to come to the summer camp with him, as his TA." Kaori explained.

"But you're not his TA."

"Not yet."

Hitoshi raised his eyebrows and Kaori could absolutely tell what he was thinking. She sighed and shook her head, taking a big gulp of coffee, before she even thought of replying to that face he was making.

"No. Don't say it. I'm not sleeping with my professor, okay? That's why he was weird to me, because he heard the rumours. But it's bullshit and we're all good again. Besties and what not."

"Well, if you say so. You wanna check for some clothes to wear to the party? We can see what we have and what we still need." Hitoshi suggested. Kaori nodded. She should be studying, but she knew Hitoshi wouldn't let her.

"Sure. The night is young."

[serenagaywaterford]

14) possible. Huge mistake, imo" Yeah. The show is already dragging. If they keep this up, the series will eventually lose a lot of its charm and meaning. e) "So, without June around I feel like Serena will just go back to old ways. Which is ridic cos she is an intelligent, powerful woman when she actually has the balls." Indeed. It's like Gilead has taken its toll on her and reduced her to a coward. Pre-Gilead Serena was a firecracker, even if she was fighting on the wrong side (that sounded

15) manichaeistic, but you know what I mean). For the record, I do believe they’ll give her some sort of redemption at some point. I’m just a little pessimistic. How are they gonna sell it as plausible and organic after 2x10? We’ll see, I guess. f) “It was just such a prime example of exactly how they maintain power in Gilead and how they managed to get it working: estranging women from each other.” SO. MUCH. GOLD. Suffice it to say, I really liked that June confronted Fred, after she didn’t

16) manage to get through Serena’s walls (and pride).And don’t get me started on that white rose. Every single flower has a special meaning/symbolism on this show and given that the garden is the only thing left to Serena at this point (kudos for admitting that knitting sucks, Serena, I’m 100% with you on that LMAO)… Word though. That music box and the flower were certainly nice gifts (small steps are better than none), but I still think that Serena could have done better. If she could get rid

17) of Cushing that easily, she could have let June see Hannah. That would have been an EXCELLENT way to express her gratitude/show her kindness, but alas. As for June’s excitement with the gifts? I smiled, I couldn’t help it. But I also felt a little sad for her. She’s so used to Serena abusing her and treating her like a baby machine (instead of an actual person), that such a little kindness makes her happy af. It really astonishes me how empathic June is with Serena (funny aka not funny at

18) all how that same empathy doesn’t extend to Fred) in the finale, even after the 2x10 incident. She’s certainly got some Stockholm Syndrome going on, but it’s also not that simple? There’s the codependency (fuck you Fred), the intellectual compatibility (writer/editor), the fact they’re both victims of Gilead now and that they both didn’t try to burst their own personal bubbles when it mattered (pre-Gilead). Holly tried to wake June up of course, because things were looking grim, but June

19) ignored her. Damn, I could go and on about this toxic yet fascinating duo, but I’ll restrain myself.

———-

[I had to look up what manichaeistic means, and now I’ve learnt a new word! :D Also, yes, I totally get what you mean.] Firecracker is a good word. I feel like she’s one of those people who is super enthusiastic about ideals, and thinks they’re great ideas, and then… learns the hard way and is killed by their own ideas. (Literally or metaphorically.) She’s so interesting to watch because her pre-Gilead persona was quite a bit different, just in a different way than the other women. Hers isn’t so much a physical cage (like Handmaids and Marthas are literal slaves) as a psychological one. 

I honestly don’t know how they think they’re going to convince the viewers that Serena even deserves any sort of redemption story. 2x10 was a serious nail in the coffin. The only way I can even see it working if Serena suffers A LOT, shows genuine remorse and understanding, AND if we see things from June’s POV who gives Serena a pass for every single horrible thing she does. Serena is like June’s blindspot. It’s mental. Like you said, June is shockingly empathetic with Serena who doesn’t deserve it at all. She just never seems to give up on her no matter what horrible shit she does. Like??? And, yes, there is clearly some Stockholm Syndrome thing going on but it seems to me anyway, that June is very forgiving (most cos she has to be to survive physically and mentally) and that she’s really fucking good at compartmentalizing. If I’m correct about that last one, it’s going to come back and bite her in the ass one day and there will be a breakdown. You can only stuff things away in little boxes for so long before it all falls down. I have to think the relationship (whatever it is, antagonistic or cooperative) is so much more complex. 

I think to some degree, June sees Serena for what (a loser) she is and that is very scary for Serena, but for June it allows her to empathise a bit easier than most. I don’t think we as viewers even get many glimpses of Serena, just chilled out and herself as you would EXPECT a human being to be. One of those is 2x06 where I think the OG Serena comes thru esp the night fireside where Serena is like… a completely different person?? From the weird parroting of June’s slang, and probably one of the only times we actually see her smile authentically at feeling the baby move, to that weirdass attempt at bonding during that Handmaid party (wtf), she’s so socially awkward around women it’s unbelievable. (Maybe that’s the guilt when you’re faced with all these women your perfect society has enslaved!) But it’s like she really wants to make a connection for some reason. And then when June asks to see Hannah, and Serena just starts crying??? And we find out as she throws a plant pruning tantrum in her safe space lol it’s cos she thought her and June were actually becoming friends?????? LIKE. WHAT IS HAPPENING. What is this high school shit? That episode made it seem like Serena just really wants a girl friend and is pissed off cos she thinks June was only being nice to get close to her daughter –which duh. “I DID THESE WHOLE 3 NICE THINGS! WHY DOES SHE KEEP ASKING TO SEE HER KID? WHAT A DEVIOUS BITCH!!!!” (Clearly the other Wives aren’t real friends.) MAYBE, and I’m just throwing this out there, the best way to make friends is not kidnapping, enslaving, raping, and assaulting the girl you want to be your bestie lol??? Just a wild thought, Serena.

I’m not trying to woobiefy Serena, but when I watch that episode, it’s just such a different Serena than we’ve seen except in other glimpses (and usually those were just because Serena was directly getting something she wants), but in 2x06 she stays very consistent in it. And, incidentally, she doesn’t attack June at the end. She just runs off and sulks like a child. Then 2 episodes later, with Fred out of the picture, she’s back to wanting to be besties again, coming to June’s room and confiding in her and asking her advice and blah blah blah. It’s shit like that that make me wonder if that’s the side June relies on in order to be able to forgive Serena–for her own survival.

Maybe I give Serena way too much credit. That’s possible. She’s still an awful terrible person, but there may be a tiny sliver of humanity in there somewhere.

So if we see more of that Serena who doesn’t resort to violence every time something doesn’t go her way, and we view her thru June’s eyes rather than our own, perhaps they can finagle some sort of not-completely-bonkers redemption arc. But it’ll be really difficult imo.

ANYWAY. 

Yes, I thought those moments at Serena’s door and then going to Fred was brilliant. Like, you can see that June knows EXACTLY what is going on with Serena, and how disappointed and annoyed she is that Serena folded so easily, and now June’s on her own again so she has to go protect herself and kneel to the king to save herself.

I have mixed feelings about the music box. It’s so… trivial and stupid and juvenile on the one hand. It’s very symbolic on the other, even June sees it. The girl in the box. And then, when you consider that Serena likely has very little she can give to June in terms of physical objects (since basically Wives had to throw away everything) so she gave her her childhood music box which she was likely saving for her imaginary daughter. If you take it that way, it is meaningful. But that’s just fanwank really. And, it locks. That may mean nothing, but it may mean something. June has literally nothing else of her own that has any sort of privacy but Serena gives her a box AND the key to lock it. 

Honestly, lol, when I first watched 2x08 and Serena is like, “I won’t forget your help”, I turned to my friend and was like, “Was that a threat?” Like you just can’t tell sometimes with Serena. I was relieved when it wasn’t in fact a threat lol.

I agree SO HARD about the flower/music box gift in 2x08 though. Like, c’mon. Firstly, bitch, you’re recycling gifts now? You’re just giving her BACK something you took away to punish her. And a flower, which will die. With all her connections, she easily could have given June something about Hannah, either a visit or a photo or a drawing or SOMETHING. This is something I still don’t get about Serena: why she is SO FUCKING OPPOSED to letting June have anything to do with Hannah? Maybe you have a theory? It’s one of those things I don’t get. Is it cos she’s jealous June has a child and she doesn’t? Is it just a power play thing? WHAT THE HELL IS HER PROBLEM WITH JUNE AND HANNAH? Like, she easily could have June eating out of her hand if she arranged a visit(or two) with Hannah. Instead, she throws temper tantrums any time June brings up Hannah. IDGI. Sigh.

And yeah, if you really want to show June your gratitude, it takes more than a fucking child’s toy. And ITA. The saddest part was how happy June was just to have that box. She was literally hugging it like a child and it broke my heart. Like, that’s what she’s been reduced to by Gilead, and the Waterfords. 

(Side note: I feel like June is one of the worst treated Handmaids on a daily basis? Like, sure, Naomi doesn’t like Janine but they have a much nicer house, gorgeous room, she gets ice-cream, etc. Janine fucking BIT Naomi to the point she bled, and she doesn’t appear to be punished for it at all! Can you imagine if June bit Serena? All hell would break loose. There’s that Wife that feels for Emily and tries not to do Ceremonies, and she plays with the dog and stuff. And I don’t know how bad/good it was for Lilly, but she said she preferred it over her previous life. Meanwhile June’s trapped in the dark, musty attic and Serena insists on making her life extra-miserable every chance she gets, including not even allowing June to wean Nicole (intentionally).)

And despite that, June is still like, “Well, Serena deserves my kindness.” WHAT. June is a much better person than I would be. Then again, I can’t help thinking at least in the finale, that June felt a little guilt. Serena never would have lost a finger if she hadn’t pushed her to do it. BUT THAT’S MOTHERHOOD. Sacrifice not for yourself (like Serena does), but yourself for your children. I read some interview where the showrunners were saying the main line through S2 was June teaching Serena how to be a mother. And that really didn’t make sense to me for a while. And it really solidified June’s pure, unabated hatred for Fred. As if slapping him wasn’t hint enough, she leaves Serena’s room after comforting her, and confronts Fred about it. If I was Fred, I’d be even more concerned then than when I found the rose tbh. If June is willing to come after Fred directly after he had his own wife maimed, in defense of said wife, that’s some bond right there. But then, June doesn’t seem to give a fuck about Fred at all and isn’t scared of him at all. Which, is smart in a way, cos he’s so grossly obsessed with her that she can get away with virtually anything. 

“There’s the codependency (fuck you Fred), the intellectual compatibility (writer/editor), the fact they’re both victims of Gilead now and that they both didn’t try to burst their own personal bubbles when it mattered (pre-Gilead).“

OMG. OMG. OMG. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOMEONE SAYS IT!!!

That last bit is something I sort of keep to myself cos like criticising June isn’t on my list of fav things to do but I thought the show was trying to make it REALLY clear that June was pretty late to the party when it comes to Gilead. Like, she had so many warning signs, even Moira was calling shit out, and she just sort of went along with the Gilead prep. Holly (a lot) and Moira (to some degree) were both like “WAKE UP!” But June and Luke just la-dee-da’ed around like “Oh it’s not that bad.” There’s the bathtub analogy and she even comments on how nobody really paid proper attention when it was building. So, at least she knows. 

I’m not hating ofc. I think almost everybody would behave the same. You see it already in some places. So, I’m not saying June is terrible for not doing more and it’s easy for us to say, “OMG. If that shit started here I’d be outta America so quickly!” But, at the end of the day, most people just sit by and watch.

But I mean insinuating in any way that June deserves what she got gets the wrath of Hell. Not that I am saying that! Nobody deserves what those women get but it’s important to think critically about these characters and if June recognises she was idle until it was too late, I think as viewers we should be able to say the same. Without it being taken as victim blaming, which I am very much NOT doing.

Also, as an aside, I understand how problematic it can be to suggest that June’s forgiveness of Serena is the desirable outcome cos IRL I think forgiving abusers is a very dangerous path to go down. It never ends well. (Although I am also someone who counts restorative justice as a viable option for some crimes. I studied it for a term in uni and it’s not something I can discount. I don’t think punitive/retributive justice is always the answer. Note: I’m talking about Serena’s crimes against June specifically here; her other wider crimes require something stronger than a healing circle lol.) The only thing I can think of is the entire environment of Gilead is so different that perhaps if you remove environment, people can change. It’s a very dangerous game to play and I certainly wouldn’t suggest this to anybody in the real world... I just, I want Serena to get some sort of redemption--and I don’t mean “happy ending”. Just something... else. And I am not opposed in the THT universe to June forgiving her. Simply cos there’s a bit in the book (IIRC) about forgiveness being true power and it seems like the idea the show is playing with. It’s something I remember from my childhood indoctrination at church as well, this whole “forgiveness is power!” mantra. I’m not sure I buy it. (I think it could be freedom, but I dunno. I’m no theologian or philosopher.) Ah. I’m conflicted.

“Damn, I could go and on about this toxic yet fascinating duo, but I’ll restrain myself. “

PLEASE DO NOT RESTRAIN YOURSELF. IMO they are indeed the most toxic yet fascinating pair on the show and I could read your thoughts about them forever. Not to mention, I feel like the actors have really good chemistry and play off each other exceptionally well. Again, I can’t recall the exact interview but I think it was Yvonne talking about the process and she and Moss really walk thru it and figure out everything. All that work shows. Honestly, this cast is strong. Like I can think of 6 of them that are excellent, a few that are pretty good, and then some blahs (no names mentioned lol). Ann Dowd totally deserved that Emmy for S1 and I honestly, I know I’m completely biased and all, but Yvonne’s S2 performance was stronger than Ann, AND everyone else in that category tbh. So nuanced.