#one of the hosts is this kid's dad and he and his wife discussed whether it was appropriate for her

[yourockthebeatofmyheart]

I'd like to encourage everyone who enjoyed the Nimona movie (or the comic, for that matter) to listen to this podcast clip of ND Stevenson answering a 6-year-old's Nimona questions (goes 'til about the 58-min mark)

Also, as a reminder, since this audio is from 2020, he wasn't out/hadn't publicly changed his name yet (so he's not being purposefully deadnamed) and the movie was still years away from being released (so the answers may be specific to comic!Nimona and not apply to movie!Nimona). Also also this was recorded remotely!

[topsyturvy-dream]

Title: Temptation

Scene Explanation: This scene happened during the night you and Jiraiya reconnected with each other. Jiraiya was the one you’ve been crushing on during your childhood years, and eventually pining for as you both grew up, but due to a fall out, your life took a different turn than what you expected. Now that you’re face-to-face again after many years, will you both give in to the temptation and act on the ‘”what could have been”?  

Artist’s Notes: I know that I said that this will be posted in December 2020, but then so many unexpected things happened and I only finished this art in early February this year. And then, more unexpected things happened once again, so it took so long for me to write the full background story (under read more). And so, here we are! 😂 Anyways, I’m so excited to get started on my next one, which will be about Minato! So stay tuned! 💕

OC Background Story:

You are a niece of Sarutobi Biwako, the Third’s Hokage’s wife, through your father’s side, and the cousin of Dan Kato through your mother’s side. When you were younger, you were placed in a promising team; however, because of a mission gone wrong, your sensei and one of your teammates were killed in action, and your third teammate decided to quit becoming a ninja. While trying to find a new team for you, Biwako insisted that Hiruzen take you in as a temporary member of his team, and thus, that was how you met and became fast friends with Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru.

 Growing up, you have always had a small crush on Jiraiya. His vibrant personality and unique looks caught your eye and your heart. When you reached your early adult years, your attraction to him was reciprocated, which resulted in a “friends with benefits” relationship. Late night pillow talks and increasing quality time spent together made you develop your feelings for him deeply. But even though Jiraiya is a frequent companion of yours whether in bed or in the streets, you know that his heart belongs to Tsunade. Unfortunately, you are not all kind. Seeing that Tsunade and Dan had an attraction to each other, you were the main reason that they ended up in a romantic relationship. After all, who better than to introduce your best friend to your cousin and fully support their relationship other than you. Maybe then, you can have Jiraiya; all is fair in love and war, they say.

 Your relationship with Jiraiya came into question during an important alliance mission. Visiting the foreign nobility’s court to discuss the alliance terms, one of the noble’s sons had a deep attraction for you. Throughout the mission, he would do everything in to woo you, send you beautiful flower arrangements, expensive jewelleries, and even try to accompany and show you around the country. As the time came for you, Jiraiya, and your team to go back to Konoha, the noble’s son decided to see you off the village, but not without inviting you to come back and stay so that he can properly court you.

 Back at the village, Jiraiya would frequently tease you about the noble’s son, especially when you’re both out with mutual friends. However, one day, you were having such a bad day and was in no mood for his antics, so you decided to walk out of the restaurant you were hanging out in and go back to your place to cool off. Jiraiya, who felt bad for making you more upset, decided to follow you to talk. Not being able to take keeping your feelings a secret anymore, you confessed your love for him at his instant, telling him that you don’t want to be his friends with benefit anymore because you love him and that you want to have a proper relationship with him. But like you feared when finally confessing, Jiraiya couldn’t return your love because he still has feelings for Tsunade. Hurt by this revelation of unrequited love, you ask Jiraiya whether you are just Tsunade’s replacement – a temporary fill in his bed to chase away the loneliness until Tsunade changes her mind and decides to love him instead – to which Jiraiya was speechless. Not being able to bear the sadness, you told Jiraiya “I thought as much” and left him alone.

 Needing time to process everything and because it was very awkward, you and Jiraiya would avoid each other. Very much heartbroken, you decided to be the chosen one to go back and reside in the foreign nobility’s court to lead the alliance efforts. Maybe that will help you forget about your heartache. So, you leave, and a few years later, the noble’s son proposes and you accept.

 Original Ending (Angst)

 Many years later, after losing most of his precious people from Konoha, Jiraiya decides to travel and work alone. He hates the quiet, because he would reminisce of days pasts, and he would often remember you and wonder what would have happened if he had given you a chance and moved on from Tsunade. It is during some of these musings that the regret will come, because deep down inside, Jiraiya does love you, too.

 It just so happens that fate or coincidence made him cross paths with you again. Somewhere at the edge of the country you’re in, Jiraiya foils a kidnapping attempt made at the youngest daughter of a noble family. Bringing her back to the village, he finds out that the child he saved is yours.

 Grateful for Jiraiya’s help in saving his favourite grandchild and also recognising him as one of the legendary ninjas, your father-in-law decided to host Jiraiya for dinner and let him stay the night in your home to rest before he continues on his travels. Since your husband is currently away from the village for some business matters, you were given the task of hosting him and keeping him company; after all, you did know Jiraiya from before you left Konoha. As the night falls, you and Jiraiya ended up having a drink together and reminisce about old times – laughing about some of your training antics and mission experiences together.

 Jiraiya suddenly turns serious; he asks you how you were and whether you’re happy. You were truthful with him. Your life has changed drastically. You’re a retired shinobi in a boring and loveless marriage with a womanising noble, which is definitely not what you pictured your future would have been, but here you are. Jiraiya, for once, doesn’t run away. He apologises to you for what happened that one fateful night many years ago. He apologises for not giving you a chance, even if he already had an inkling feeling that you have caught feelings for him. He says sorry for not realising sooner that cares so much about you too, that he does love you too. But as he was about to say those three words that you’ve always longed to hear, you placed your fingers on top of his lips to silence him, telling him that you don’t want to think about the what ifs. Jiraiya, understanding that you both can’t turn back time, kisses your fingers, your palms, looks into your eyes, and kisses you passionately on your lips. This led to the both of you making love throughout night, the first since years ago.

 Basking in the afterglow and lying in bed together, you decided to let Jiraiya know your real feelings. You told him that you waited so long for him. When the noble’s son wanted to marry you, you tried to put it off as much as possible. You waited, and waited, and waited for him to come get you; hoping of all hopes that maybe, he changed his mind and decided to move on from Tsunade and give you both a chance, because you know that deep inside, Jiraiya has feelings for you, too. You waited, until you can’t anymore. So, you said yes to the noble’s son, and the rest is history. You never did have closure. You were angry. You are angry, telling Jiraiya that “I hate that I still love you. I hate that I waited for you, but you never came.” So, you told him that this is the last time ever that he can come to this village, telling him that he’s not coming back to destroy your life anymore. After that, you had angry/hate sex together, and in the morning, Jiraiya is gone.

 You became pregnant with your last child that night, but no one really knows who the real dad is because your child’s hair colour and features are mostly the same as yours. The only thing that shows that the child’s father is Jiraiya is that they have his eyes, his smile, and his squarish jaw line. You never did tell anyone that it was Jiraiya’s kid; it was a secret that you kept till your grave. And Jiraiya? He never did find out that he had a kid, too.

 This ending is when Jiraiya eventually dies at Pein's hands. One of Jiraiya's unreleased books, which he kept somewhere safe before he left for the Pein mission, is based on what could have been if he hadn’t let you get away and the both of you had your happily ever after in each other’s arms.

Alternate Ending (Happy)

 Jiraiya, who decided to have some balls and confront his feelings, chooses to run after you, and asks you to wait a little bit more for him because he loves you, too. So, you decide to decline the marriage proposal from the noble’s son, and once the alliance was established, you go back home to Konoha and decide to travel with Jiraiya. During your travels, he really gets to know you on a deeper level, and he falls deeper in love with you.

 One day, you both came across Tsunade briefly in your travels. Knowing that Jiraiya and her need some time alone, you leave the two of them to catch up, thinking that Jiraiya might want to be alone with Tsunade; thus, preparing yourself to be let down and rejected by him. During Tsunade and Jiraiya's meal (with sake, of course), he realises that he has finally moved on from her.

 That night, as he went back to his and your hotel room, he couldn't sleep thinking about his realisation that Tsunade doesn't make his heart beat fast anymore. Then he looks at your sleeping face, and it's like a whole load of inspiration just exploded inside him and the epiphany that you are the woman that he wants to grow old with. He then immediately wakes you up in the wee hours of the morning, kissing you (and you almost punched him for waking you up from your sleep). Jiraiya's all giddy and happy telling you "I love you" repeatedly. You were a bit sceptical though, but Jiraiya promises to show you that he really loves you through his actions.

 He does - he tries to show his love and appreciation for you every day, and his main masterpiece is a book that he finishes - wherein the heroine is inspired by you - and he declares his love for you in that book he wrote (calling himself stupid for not looking inside his heart sooner or something along the lines). You both continue your travels, and eventually get married and have children (of course, he gets to make love to you all the time, which is a bonus). He also gets to watch Naruto grow old and become the Hokage he is like his father. All is well.  

[tabloidtoc]

Star, March 1

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Humiliated Jennifer Lopez used for money and fame by Alex Rodriguez

Page 1: Princess Eugenie and her husband Jack Brooksbank, who is a UK ambassador for George Clooney and Rande Gerber's tequila brand, welcomed a son on February 9 at London's Portland Hospital

Page 2: Contents, Robin Thicke in front of a piano at Gold Diggers studio in L.A.

Page 3: Star Shots -- Serena Williams honored late Olympic gold medalist Florence Griffith Joyner by rocking a one-legged Nike catsuit at the first day of the Australian open, Chrissy Metz brought some vibrancy to the virtual SCAD aTVFest where she discussed This Is Us and was honored with the Vanguard Award, Olivia Culpo checked out the view before heading to the Shaq Bowl in Tampa

Page 4: Inside Britney Spears' nightmare -- a shocking new documentary exposes how Britney was used and abused by people she trusted -- Britney's unable to communicate with fans directly without permission -- fans flooded Justin Timberlake's Instagram to demand an apology for what one called profiting from trashing a woman

Page 5: Facing a lawsuit from her estranged older sister has rattled Mariah Carey -- Alison Carey alleged to a NYC court that Mariah had intentionally inflicted emotional distress by writing about her in the 2020 tell-all The Meaning of Mariah Carey and Alison is seeking $1.25 million after the singer accused her of, among other things, throwing boiling hot tea on her and trying to sell a 12-year-old Mariah to a pimp -- now Mariah has become wary of even those in her inner circle and is making longtime employees re-interview for their jobs -- Mariah's always been on the paranoid side but everyone is a suspect now and she's grilling everyone from bodyguards to chefs to stylists and household staff who have been with her for years and if anyone pushes back they are shown the door -- her great fear is that people could cross over and spill secrets to the enemy because she's been caught off guard before by those she trusted

* Catching ZZZs has become a real problem for Kelly Clarkson -- between her gig as a daytime host, trying to sell homes in Nashville and Encino, and battling her ex Brandon Blackstock over custody of their two kids, she is beyond stressed and she can't sleep and nothing works; the most shut-eye she gets is two to three hours -- it's gotten so bad she's even tried hypnotherapy but her workaholic brain outwits it -- meanwhile her legal woes including a lawsuit with her husband and ex father-in-law's talent agency are getting nastier and Brandon has told her in no uncertain terms that he's not going to stop until he gets what he wants which is a ton of money and time with the kids

* She was the most loathed mother in America and now Casey Anthony wants her say -- 10 years after she was acquitted of murdering her two-year-old daughter Caylee, Casey is making a documentary about the trial and she thinks she can clear her name -- she's not looking for sympathy but she believes she's a victim too and was unfairly convicted in the public eye -- she is planning on dropping bombshells in the doc including her take on the theory that the toddler accidentally drowned in the family pool as well as shocking secrets about her own abusive upbringing but don't expect much remorse

Page 6: Just over a year after her father Kobe Bryant and sister Gianna Bryant perished in a tragic helicopter crash, Natalia Bryant who is Kobe's oldest daughter, has signed a modeling contract with IMG Models who also represent Bella Hadid and Gigi Hadid and the just signed Inauguration standout poet Amanda Gorman

* Rumer Willis was heartbroken when her months-long relationship with Armie Hammer fizzled out in December but after harrowing reports of Armie's alleged abuse of women including asking to barbecue their ribs and carry their severed toes in his pocket, Rumer is telling friends she feels lucky -- she wanted to defend him when the cannibalism stories first came out because she thought they were outrageous and now she feels badly for all of the victims and she's really grateful she didn't get caught up in the Armie nightmare

* Star Spots the Stars -- Eva Longoria, Mandy Moore, Demi Lovato, Dan Levy, Dorinda Medley

Page 8: Star Shots -- Meg Ryan wore some wide-legged trousers and a cute cap on a nature walk in Santa Barbara, Gavin Rossdale wore pink socks while playing tennis in L.A., Ciara holding six-month-old son Win during a family getaway to Hawaii

Page 9: Delilah Belle Hamlin and Love Island's Eyal Booker removed their masks for a quick street smooch during a coffee date in L.A., Sofia Richie enjoyed some PDA with shipping heir Gil Ofer in Miami

Page 12: Kate Upton doing yoga, Tia Mowry-Hardrict and her husband Cory Hardrict shared dishwashing duty after cooking at home, Robin Roberts tasted a treat on Good Morning America in New York City

Page 13: Pregnant Brittany Cartwright brought her dog along to retrieve the mail in L.A., Victoria Justice showed off her toned tummy post-workout in L.A.

Page 14: Goldie Hawn turned quality time with granddaughter Rani into a workout toting her in a backpack, Madonna and Guy Ritchie's son Rocco Ritchie waded in during a vacation in Tulum in Mexico, Lucy Hale on a stroll with her dog Elvis in L.A.

Page 16: Chris Noth put in a day's work on The Equalizer in Paterson in New Jersey, Flavor Flav and Flo Rida at The Super Glow Super Bowl kick-off party in Tampa, Bradley Cooper kept daughter Lea close as the two ran errands in NYC

Page 17: More than a week after celebrating 18 months of sobriety Lily Allen enjoyed a snack on-the-go in London, Jessica Alba lifted her son Hayes while riding scooters with husband Cash Warren in Beverly Hills

Page 18: Normal or Not? Cody Simpson got physical with new girlfriend Marloes Stevens during a romantic getaway in St. Barts -- normal, Selling Sunset's Christine Quinn picking up a portrait of herself in L.A. -- normal, Jack Black raised Thor's hammer in a parody posted on Instagram prompting Chris Hemsworth to call it the greatest thing he's ever seen -- not normal

Page 19: The Crown's Emma Corrin looked intrigued by a leafy object she stumbled upon during a stroll in London -- not normal, Sarah Jessica Parker kicked back in heels during a break from assisting shoppers at her flagship store in NYC -- not normal

Page 20: Fashion -- stars look sweet in tiered dresses -- Maude Apatow, Logan Browning, Margot Robbie

Page 21: Julianne Moore, Camila Morrone, Saoirse Ronan

Page 24: After months of quietly dating, Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley are ready to marry and they announced it in the most low-key way possible and the couple are madly in love and feel unequivocally that this is the real deal -- Aaron and Shailene were friends long before sparks flew in August last year and having to endure a long-distance romance during football season actually made their bond stronger -- Aaron and Shailene are already planning to start a family and they're at that stage when they feel ready to be parents and are keen to have a baby

Page 25: Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles have found another dynamic duo to spend their downtime with which is Florence Pugh and Zach Braff -- the foursome hit it off on the set of Don't Worry, Darling which Olivia is directing and in which Florence and Harry star -- they have the best time together and know how to forget the world outside -- as it turns out bearing witness to Florence and Zach's happy relationship despite their 20-year age difference played a part in Olivia taking a chance on dating Harry who is nine years her junior following her split from Jason Sudeikis and seeing them together inspired Olivia to go for it with Harry and she's so glad she did

* While some couples are overwhelmed being with their kids 24/7 in lockdown, Prince William and Duchess Kate have enjoyed the extended family time with Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis -- having the kids at home during the pandemic has given Kate baby fever and she loves being around them and wants to have one more and she and William are trying for another, with Kate saying she's hoping for a girl -- as for raising four young kids, the pair are up to the challenge because Kate's a pro at multitasking and William is a devoted dad and they'll split parenting duties

* Matt Damon is hoping a change of scenery will save his rocky 17-year relationship with wife Luciana Barroso as the couple and their three girls have set up house in a lavish $7000-a-night rental in Australia's tony Byron Bay while the actor films Thor: Love and Thunder -- the beachy new surroundings are just what the couple needs after hitting a rough patch and Matt is working overtime to make sure Luciana enjoys herself Down Under by arranging date nights and buying gifts for her to open every day and even when he's working he's got time set aside for just them and the gestures seem to be working and it's the shot in the arm they both needed

Page 26: Cover Story -- Jennifer Lopez humiliated and used -- shocking cheating allegations rock J.Lo's world as fiance Alex Rodriguez's mistress Madison LeCroy tells all -- while Jennifer is putting on a brave face the affair rumors are devastating to her whether she admits it or not -- after revealing she and Alex exchanged DMs Madison said she doesn't want anything bad for his family or for hers -- Alex says it was innocent and that nothing happened but Jennifer is not fully buying it -- Jennifer and Alex's relationship is personal but it's also business; together, their fortunes have doubled

Page 30: Chip and Joanna Gaines -- inside our farmhouse reno -- Chip and Jo are expanding and renovating their Waco home and it may be their toughest job yet

Page 32: Celeb Parenting Fails -- these celebrity moms and dads share their hilarious hapless moments -- Anne Hathaway, Brad Pitt

Page 33: Willie Geist, Mila Kunis, Pink

Page 48: Parting Shot -- Despite it being her first concert in over a year, Miley Cyrus was ready to rock while headlining the TikTok Tailgate Super Bowl pre-show event in Tampa -- the show treated 7500 Florida-based healthcare workers to a set that included guest appearances by Joan Jett and Billy Idol, who both collaborated on Miley's latest album

[doof-doofblog]

"I've Got To Go!"

Friday 2nd October 2020

Hello again everyone! I am back again with my second post of the day. This post will be covering Friday's episode of EastEnders. I'm just going to jump straight into it as I'm sure we have a shed load to get through.  So, the episode starts with Mick and Linda discussing the evening plans of going to the Drag Bingo! Linda is really looking forward to a night out with girls after being in lockdown for so long. Mick obviously has his concerns, as it's going to be the first time she's going to be surrounded by alcohol in a long time. Linda is instantly insulted by her husband, even though he states how proud he is of her for getting off the booze, he can't help but worry. She tells him that she hasn't had a drink in months and she knows what she is capable of, she knows she'll be able to handle it. Mick apologises to wife, insists that he was in the wrong and she should be able to enjoy a night out with her friends. Something does tell me though that something is going to happen? Whether Linda can't handle the pressure and takes a swig of alcohol and relapses? We shall have to wait and see?!

At the Mitchell household, Phil is sat with Ben and Callum, Phil is sat looking at news on his tablet about the car crash regarding Raymond. As he's doing this, Callum and Ben are having their own discussion about Callum's support worker and talking about how he's helping him to cope with what he's witnessed recently. Callum assures his boyfriend that his support worker is really helping him, just being able to talk things through about what he's thinking and feeling really helps. Ben is glad that Callum is seeking help with his recent traumatic experience - he turns to his Dad saying how much things have changed since his day, but Phil - obviously - hasn't been listening to the conversation. He turns the switch around and leaves the room. Ben and Callum are both a bit surprised as Phil makes his exit.

At the restaurant, Max is sat reading the newspaper as Linda brings in his dry cleaning. She's surprised to see him sat there while she's struggling with his clothes, she asks him whether or not he was planning on picking it up, he truthfully says "No", saying he'd gotten too used to the personal touch. She smiles, sarcastically as she goes to leave. As a friend, he asks her whether anything was wrong, she apologises to him for her rudeness and explains she'll be looking forward to a night out with her girls when work is over, she informs Max that it's Drag Bingo night at the Prince Albert, he Max insists that he joins them and he'll be happy to buy the first 2 rounds. Linda accepts his offer and invites him along! I have to be honest, I do like the little friendship they've got going on, I just hope it'll be nothing more than that!

Suddenly, we can see that Denise has answered her door to someone, that someone being Phil!!! Denise seems surprised to see him, do you think she's suspicious that he knows about Raymond? She begins to apologise for slagging him off the other day. At first, Phil seems sympathetic, he states to her that his visit has nothing to do with her slagging him off, he admits there's no easy way for him to say what he's come round for to say, so he tells her straight and informs her about Raymond. Firstly, Denise plays dumb, as Phil gives her all the information he knows, Phil soon realises that she already knew!

Meanwhile, at the Taylor household, Karen is acting coy with Mitch. The last time we saw them, they almost kissed before Gray walked in on them. Karen is still reeling from recent events, she tells Mitch to forget what happened, for as far as she is concerned its was nothing! But Mitch can't let it lie, he asks what would've happened if Gray hadn't have walked in. But Karen reminds him that their daughter has just died, her head is all over the place at this moment in time, she can barely lift her head off her pillow most days. As they are having this conversation, Billy walks in asking if they're both okay. He tells them that it's nice to see them talking again, as he leaves Karen reminds Mitch that she and Billy are happy. Mitch asks her though, whether that is true, is she really happy? Karen worries as she contemplates Gray telling the children about her and Mitch, but Mitch is unsure how to respond to her, what is he supposed to do about that? She looks at him in pure dismay!!

Back with Denise and Phil, he is furious that Denise already knew about Raymond and didn't even think about informing Phil. She tells him that there simply wouldn't have been any point as neither of them are allowed contact with him. She explains that she only went to the hospital to make sure he is okay, but then she lets slip that Ellie found out who she was - and instantly Phil is eager to know who this Ellie is - Denise explains to him that she's Raymond's Grandmother. Phil can't believe what he's hearing, he reminds Denise that it was actually her who wanted to give up Raymond, Phil wanted to keep the child. She argues that it was a mutual decision, she softly tells him it would be impossible for him to have contact with the boy now, but he is insistent as he marches out of the house.

Back at the Mitchell household, Ben is making dinner as Callum is discussing taking Lexi out for an ice-cream, he explains to his boyfriend that doing something with the family would help him, considering he still can't stop thinking about the orphaned little boy (Raymond). Ben sees that it would be a big support for Callum so he agrees, it's then Callum basically says that you've got to look after the people that you care about! Ben looks at him with loving eyes and he admits that that is one of the reason why he loves him, because he cares so much, plus it'll also be a reason why he'll make an amazing copper! Ben then goes on to say that also perhaps, working for his Dad may not be such a good idea, but Callum doesn't want to hear it and tells him to end the conversation there.

At The Prince Albert, Linda is finally joining the Drag Bingo party. She finds Sharon and Max waiting for her, she goes up to the bar to buy them both a drink. As she does so, Mick informs her that out of the goodness of his heart, he's made her a drink with no alcohol in it! He even puts a little umbrella in her glass just so she knows it's hers. Mick is of course just doing the decent thing trying to look out for his wife, but it's clear that Linda isn't happy about it. Is she feeling like he doesn't trust her? She sadly takes the drink Mick has made her and walks away. Can I just also point out that I LOVE the fact that they've got the same Drag Queen for this Drag Bingo, who also performed "Proud" on their special Walford Pride episode! I LOVE IT! And also such a beautiful Drag Queen! Amazing! Tina notices that Mick is looking upset, she approaches him and tells him to forget the whole situation with Frankie, she can see that it's Linda who's on his mind, she promises him that as long they are both at the club, Linda will be okay! Back at her table, Max compliments Linda's glass saying that the umbrella looks cute, Linda is sarcastic as she responds with "Thank You" - Max can see something is wrong, he asks if she's okay, she simply shrugs it off, but I think we can all see what's about to happen, right?!

Meanwhile, Mitch decides to pay Gray a visit, as he enters he asks whether the children are home, Gray isn't really very welcome to his Father-In-Law. He asks him instantly what he wants, Mitch decides to go for the gentle approach and basically explains to him that Karen is worrying about what he saw the other day and whether or not he'll tell the children. He explains with everything that's going on right now, it may be for the best if the kids don't know. Gray seems to be insulted that that is all he's come round for, he's annoyed to the core that that appears to be all he cares about. He reminds Mitch that his wife has passed away and that he is hallowed under! That is how things are for him right now! It's then that Gray starts to say some nasty things towards Mitch, saying how lucky Chantelle was to never have him in her life, Mitch can't bare to hear the things he has to say but deep down, he knows he's right. He agrees and he says he's sorry. He can't begin to explain why he wasn't there for her as he can't even remember. Even when Chantelle met Gray, he wasn't in her life. As Mitch apologies, Gray is surprised by Mitch's reaction as he slowly begins to cry.

Back at the Drag Bingo event, Max appears to be enjoying his bingo experience, that is until someone beats him in getting all the numbers. Linda approaches the bar where Mick has made two new drinks, one for Max and one for Linda, Mick just so happens to mention that there's vodka in Max's drink. He also instructs her again that glass with the umbrella in is hers. We all know he's doing this out of love because he cares for his wife and wants her to be safe and not wanting her to fall off the band wagon. He politely asks his wife to look after the bar whilst he fills up another pitcher. As he disappears, it's then the sound goes fuzzy, the music drowns out the noise of the club and the Drag act hosting the Bingo. Linda is looking down at the glasses, they look exactly the same, only hers with a umbrella in it. At this moment in time I am shouting at the TV screen - "No! Don't do it Linda!" - but it's too late, she switches the umbrella into the other glass and takes a swig of Max's alcoholic drink, not just one but two big gulps! She takes a huge sigh of relief, as if she's been wanting a drink for so long. She turns around to walk back to the table, but we can see Max is staring at her, has he just witnessed everything? Has he just seen her down some alcohol? What is he going to do?!

Back at home, Jack returns to find Denise in a state. Denise reveals to him that Phil knows about Raymond. She's in despair of what Phil is going to do, she speculates to Jack of what plan Phil is going to do. She's worried he'll find a way to get contact to Raymond, she frets that Phil is going to make Raymond a part of his family, just like he did with Dennis. However that is of course just Denise's opinion, I simply just want to say that Phil doted on Dennis. He loved that boy like he was his own, he even ended up adopting him. Phil has always been big on family, regardless whether they've been caught up in trouble, family always comes first for the Mitchells. Jack promises Denise he won't let Phil get to Raymond, but Denise informs him that it's already happening. I am hoping here, that Denise and Phil will put their differences to one side and perhaps fight for shared custody of Raymond. I'm really intrigued as to where this story is going to go!

Back at the gay-bar, Tina is looking pretty pleased with Frankie. She informs her that she's got the job after such a successful event. Frankie tells Tina how much she loves working at the Prince Albert, as they begin to grow on their friendship, Sharon approaches the bar, she's won a round of Bingo and won an inflatable guitar! She tells Tina to make her way over the Vic so they can borrow some whiskey, she gives her the keys and tell her not to worry as Ian can pay for it, they laugh as both Tina and Frankie leave to get the alcohol. Outside the bar, Linda is confiding in Max. She can't even understand why she had a gulp of his drink, she's opening up to him, asking whether is this what it's going to be like from now on? Her being the alcoholic of the Carter of the family? Will Ollie end up growing up not being able to trust his mother? She explains to Max that she looks into the future and sees Ollie coming over to find his Mum in a mess. Max tries to reassure her, she's not an awful person, he understands what she's feeling, its then he decides to open up about his demons. He reveals to her that when he came out of prison, he used to hurt himself deliberately with cigarettes, burn himself on his arms so he could hide it from his family. He admits it did hurt but it was worth it because it was his way of dealing with it, his situation, his emotions, his feelings, his thoughts, everything. He tells her not to be ashamed of having a slip up, everyone makes mistakes and it doesn't make her a bad person. As Max is saying all this to Linda, it looks as if they have come to fully understand one another and they've somehow connected more in recent weeks, as they share a look between them, Sharon emerges from the bar all giggly and giddy from having a good time. She's waving her inflatable guitar around claiming that she's a winner! Max and Linda giggle at their friend, she's clearly enjoyed herself. Linda tells Max to put on his knight in shining armour act and take Sharon home.

At the Mitchell's, Jack is paying Phil a visit. He comes peacefully and tries to explain that Denise is worried about Raymond, more worried about the fact that Phil will try and get involved in his life. Phil informs him that Raymond is his son and he has rights, but unfortunately Jack responds with the fact that because he gave him up, he lost those rights 3 years ago. He warns him to stay away, to make sure that Phil gets the message he blackmails him, he warns him that if he doesn't keep his distance, he'll tell the police about the assault he did on him before Christmas, covered him with petrol and held a gun to his head because he believed he was having an affair with Sharon. Phil scoffs, he tells him that it was months ago and the police are hardly going to care for something that happened almost a year ago! It's then that Jack informs him that he is a sworn police officer, if he comes across any crime he has to report anything his is witness too, and if he does decide to talk, it may cause the police to start looking more closely at Phil.

Meanwhile, at the Vic, Tina and Frankie are making their way in through the back door to grab some alcohol, as they search the shelves Tina is complaining on what a mess Ian has left the room in. She states that Mick would never have left the room in that state. Frankie suddenly reveals she's found what they're looking for. Tina praises her and tells her to grab a few bottles so they can make their way back. As Frankie and Tina smile at each other, Tina takes her opportunity and leans in to kiss Frankie - but she backs away and apologises. Tina is obviously left feeling humiliated, is Frankie not gay then? But then also, I suppose Frankie can't get involved with Tina in that way if there's a chance she could be family? I do feel sorry for Tina as it looked as if they were both getting close, it's a shame as it would be nice for Tina to find love again.

Back at home, Denise is waiting for Jack to return, she doesn't know he's paid Phil a visit, she's sat waiting anxiously on the stairs, we hear the door latch and the door opens, she looks up longingly and Jack reassures her that everything is going to be okay. Denise is left is absolute relief! As this is happening, Phil is left reeling with his thoughts as Ben enters the room. Quick question - does Ben even know about Raymond? Is he aware he has a half-brother?! Something tells me I'm about to get my answer any moment now - As Ben comes in asking whether his Dad is okay, Phil tells him to take a seat, he obviously has some news he needs to tell his son. (Oh yes, he clearly knows!) Phil informs Ben that he's found out news about his brother, Raymond and that it just so happens that the accident Callum witnessed, was the one Raymond was involved in. Ben is clearly shook by this news, he asks whether he's been to seen him. Phil admits that he has and he states that no matter what anyone says, nothing is going to stop him from seeing his son!

The final scene of the episode, Linda is overlooking the barrier of the Prince Albert. Max finds her and joins her on the balcony. He informs her that he's managed to get Sharon safely home and he left her sound asleep on the sofa with a bucket next to her, just in case. As they share a little laugh, Max asks if he can tell her something, but it strictly has to stay between them. Linda promises not to say anything to anyone ... there is such a long pause, I'm beginning to think he's going to say he's fallen in love with someone he can't have (ie: Linda) ... or whether he was going to reveal some big secret that was going to kick off another big storyline, however he suddenly says "I hate Bingo!" ... and honestly, I'm left feeling disappointed, I was hoping for something big then but it turned out to be nothing. Anyway, Linda laughs and Max asks he whether she's okay, she says she is and they slowly turn to face one another, Max shuffles to be close to her, they lean in and they both share a very quick kiss. Linda pulls away very suddenly, but then - something brings her back and they kiss, for a much longer period. Linda pulls away for a second time as she realises she's made a huge mistake. She quickly makes her get away, insisting that she has to go, Max calls out after her, but she runs down the stairs and rushes back to the Vic as she weeps.

A very interesting ending to the soap I have to say, I did kind of hope that Max wouldn't cross that line with Linda, but now he has ... is she going to be the one thing that is going to be constantly on his mind? Is there going to be a Max and Linda affair or is it just going to be the one off? Will Linda come clean to Mick and be honest about what's happened. Will Phil actually get contact with Raymond? Oooo we have a whole new week to look forward to starting tomorrow! I once again apologise for the lateness of this post, but I hope you'll all enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing them. I'll be back tomorrow following Monday's episode. Enjoy the rest of your evening folks! Goodnight! xXx  

[jinxthinks]

Pat Was Used: Raising Dion Theory

Let me preface this by saying I'm in no way saying that Pat isn't responsible for being an asshole near the end of it all. What I'm saying is by the end of it he wasn't entirely in control.

What I mean to say by that is that I think there's a possibility the Crooked Man and Pat are two entirely different entities and that the Crooked Man needs a host in order to operate and absorb other super powered beings.

Okay so I'm purely going off of having watched it only once but, I have a theory on Pat's powers and why he went psycho near the end.

A lot of people assume it was all Pat. And to an extent I think it kind of was but at the same time I think he was a victim to his own abilities.

Spoilers for those who haven't finished or watched it yet, turn away now. But please come back later when you've finished watching it.

Anyways, Pat is defeated as The Crooked Man, and Mark has that speech about energy not dying it just takes on a new form. Right after that they show the farm and Braydens aunt either dead or seriously hurt. Brayden is being followed by the same cloud that followed around Pat and this is where I think it wasn't entirely Pat's fault.

I'm not trying to excuse how he was whatsoever. I just think that near the end, he wasn't as in control of himself as he thinks he was and that he was losing control of his own body to whatever gave him his powers.

One thing both Pat and Brayden have in common is they're jealous of someone else because of how they're treated by someone else.

Pat for as much as he loved Mark in his own way, did admit to feeling jealous of him because as Pat states, 'He was perfect at everything.'

Brayden is jealous to an extent of someone as well. When he tells Charlotte to meet him outside via telepathy, he tells her he's tired of being in the farm with his aunt and that he wishes the storm had taken him away with his dad instead.

So he asks Charlotte to take him with her but she refuses. So he tells her that he knows about Dion. Then he asks her what makes him so special that she would choose to sacrifice her own safety to protect him, but she refuses to do the same for Brayden despite him being in a shitty situation himself.

She ultimately leaves without him, and that plants the seed of jealousy that would ultimately lead to Brayden becoming the next host for the Crooked Man.

I don't even think it's just jealousy either that makes you vulnerable to getting taken over by it. I think it's any negative emotion.

If you look at Pat he at the time was the perfect vessel for the Crooked Man. For as much as he loved his best friend Mark like a brother, being around someone like Mark who had everything he wanted and more, it made him incredibly insecure of himself.

Mark had a beautiful loving wife, the career he'd always wanted and later on, a child which was a product of him and his wife's love for each other.

Meanwhile Pat just had a string of bad relationships and was working as Marks tech guy basically, when he'd much rather work alongside him as another scientist in the lab.

Even after Mark was gone and he started developing feelings for Nicole as a result, she rejected him time and time again. She's in her right to do so I'm not faulting her for that whatsoever. In his mind however, he probably thought, 'Why doesn't she see I'm the perfect guy for her? I love her kid as if he were my own son!'

Thoughts that the Crooked Man probably fed off of to make him do his bidding.

At one point, he was in complete control of his actions and body. As seen early on in the season and partially in flashbacks.

But much like everyone else's powers, his are strongest when he's feeling strongly about something. But in his particular case I believe it's negative thoughts as when his powers first manifested, it was because he was upset with his girlfriend at the time, having broken up with him.

I have no doubt that she probably was his... The Crooked Man's first victim.

So my idea is that this entity grants these people power over storms but as a result of its powers, they become infected and diseased.

Case in point Pat. He states his frustration near the end about how the very thing that gave everyone else powers, is eating him alive.

And I think in Pat's case that's what the Crooked Man uses to get them to absorb other supers. He makes them diseased as a side effect of being his host and plants in them the idea that they NEED to absorb other supers in order to survive.

In reality I don't think they even need to do that. I think the Crooked Man is just an asshole who has a secondary power to spread disease to whatever they wish to spread it to.

It would be mighty convenient for them if their host was dying of a disease that they convinced them could be held back by absorbing supers.

To what end you might ask? In the show he makes it a point to say absorb a few times. There's other times where he says kill as well of course and that IS a side effect of being absorbed by the Crooked Man but this is what I think.

The Crooked Man seeks to become more powerful. The most powerful super powered being out there. Or the only one out there.

By giving his hosts a disease then planting the idea in their heads that they NEED to kill other supers by 'absorbing' them, they succeed in either becoming more powerful with each one they absorb, or get slowly closer to being the only super powered being on Earth.

Not sure what the Crooked Man's end goal is yet since there's only one season. Hopefully Netflix makes another one so I can potentially add on to this theory later on.

Now how does this play into Pat's psyche near the end? I think there were moments where the Crooked Man was in absolute complete control of his body and other times where he'd kind of shine through.

Basically whenever it was most convenient for the Crooked Man to show a bit of Pat, he would.

Like when Pat told Dion about his illness and how it was killing him. I think that was mostly or entirely Pat.

Or when he was explaining himself to Nicole. I think that was mostly Pat except for when he hurt her as he left. As much as Pat was miffed at Nicole for rejecting him, I don't think he would hurt her to that extent.

He even admits to Nicole that he had no idea Mark was in New Orleans when he died. Essentially admitting that he had no plans to kill Mark.

And I honestly believe him. As Esperanza noted, the Crooked Man only sees super powered beings. Everything else is muted in color. And even the super powered beings in question are only dots of light.

Pat would have had no way of knowing who he was absorbing at the time. Which worked in the Crooked Man's favor because if he had known who he was trying to absorb, I have no doubt that he would have stopped himself from doing so.

He was jealous of Mark and his perfect life yes, but they were best friends all the same.

Basically what I'm saying is the Crooked Man uses a person's wants and desires and twists them so that they can do its bidding one way or another.

I think the Crooked Man knew that Nicole would ultimately reject Pat and was the one to ultimately go in for the kiss.

Pat explains afterward that he was basically having an internal battle on whether he should or shouldn't kiss her and ultimately ended up doing it.

One would usually attribute this to someone being indecisive, but what if it was meant in a different way.

Like he was literally having an internal battle. With what he wanted which was to not kiss her, and what the Crooked Man wanted which was to kiss her?

Don't get me wrong I'm sure Pat himself wanted to kiss her as well but I think he felt strongly against it as part of him knew and was afraid that she'd reject him just like everyone else. The Crooked Man however knew that would make him insecure enough that he could take over his body which would make things a lot easier on it for what it wanted to do.

Pat just wanted to be saved from the 'hell' he was living. Independently of whether Nicole loved him or not, that was his main goal. To be free of the disease that had been ailing him all these yrs.

However, I think the Crooked Man had started setting it's eyes on absorbing Dion the moment he cured Pat's migraines.

If you notice, episodes prior to that and the one where Dion gets sick, has Pat battling a constant migraine. But after that episode where Dion 'cures' his migraine and gets sick as a result, he never mentions it again.

One could say he didn't want to upset Nicole and him by reminding them of a time when Dion almost died trying to heal him but...

I think it was also because they were in fact cured. Pat's cured migraine caused the Crooked Man to fear Dions healing abilities.

If he could cure a diseased fox and Pat's migraines, it meant he could possibly even cure Pat's entire body from the disease that the Crooked Man himself caused.

Which would mean he'd no longer have a puppet to do his bidding.

I need to check when exactly the Crooked Man is outside of Dions window just staring, but I think there's a high possibility it was after he came back from the hospital and whatnot.

I think that's all I have on this theory at the moment. Please be sure to discuss in a civil manner if you wish to do so as I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Also please be sure to share this if you enjoy it as well.

I hope that if there's a season 2 they'll delve more into the Crooked Man and what it is hopefully, since it left more questions than answers, and I'd definitely love to add on to this theory.

[thainews1]

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

More than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes traumatizing, news events on TV. It seems that violent crime and bad news is unabating. Foreign wars, natural disasters, terrorism, murders, incidents of child abuse, and medical epidemics flood our newscasts daily. Not to mention the grim wave of recent school shootings.

All of this intrudes on the innocent world of children. If, as psychologists say, kids are like sponges and absorb everything that goes on around them, how profoundly does watching TV news actually affect them? How careful do parents need to be in monitoring the flow of news into the home, and how can they find an approach that works?

To answer these questions, we turned to a panel of seasoned anchors, Peter Jennings, Maria Shriver, Linda Ellerbee, and Jane Pauley--each having faced the complexities of raising their own vulnerable children in a news-saturated world.

Picture this: 6:30 p.m. After an exhausting day at the office, Mom is busy making dinner. She parks her 9-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son in front of the TV.

"Play Nintendo until dinner's ready," she instructs the little ones, who, instead, start flipping channels.

Tom Brokaw on "NBC News Tonight," announces that an Atlanta gunman has killed his wife, daughter and son, all three with a hammer, before going on a shooting rampage that leaves nine dead.

On "World News Tonight," Peter Jennings reports that a jumbo jetliner with more than 300 passengers crashed in a spinning metal fireball at a Hong Kong airport.

On CNN, there's a report about the earthquake in Turkey, with 2,000 people killed.

On the Discovery channel, there's a timely special on hurricanes and the terror they create in children. Hurricane Dennis has already struck, Floyd is coming.

Finally, they see a local news report about a roller coaster accident at a New Jersey amusement park that kills a mother and her eight-year-old daughter.

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"Dinner's ready!" shouts Mom, unaware that her children may be terrified by this menacing potpourri of TV news.

What's wrong with this picture?

"There's a LOT wrong with it, but it's not that easily fixable," notes Linda Ellerbee, the creator and host of "Nick News," the award-winning news program geared for kids ages 8-13, airing on Nickelodeon.

"Watching blood and gore on TV is NOT good for kids and it doesn't do much to enhance the lives of adults either," says the anchor, who strives to inform children about world events without terrorizing them. "We're into stretching kids' brains and there's nothing we wouldn't cover," including recent programs on euthanasia, the Kosovo crisis, prayer in schools, book- banning, the death penalty, and Sudan slaves.

But Ellerbee emphasizes the necessity of parental supervision, shielding children from unfounded fears. "During the Oklahoma City bombing, there were terrible images of children being hurt and killed," Ellerbee recalls. "Kids wanted to know if they were safe in their beds. In studies conducted by Nickelodeon, we found out that kids find the news the most frightening thing on TV.

"Whether it's the Gulf War, the Clinton scandal, a downed jetliner, or what happened in Littleton, you have to reassure your children, over and over again, that they're going to be OK--that the reason this story is news is that IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. News is the exception...nobody goes on the air happily and reports how many planes landed safely!

"My job is to put the information into an age-appropriate context and lower anxieties. Then it's really up to the parents to monitor what their kids watch and discuss it with them"

Yet a new study of the role of media in the lives of children conducted by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation reveals that 95% of the nation's children ages 8-18 are watching TV without their parents present.

How does Ellerbee view the typical scenario of the harried mother above?

"Mom's taking a beating here. Where's Dad?" Ellerbee asks.Perhaps at work, or living separately from Mom, or absent altogether.

"Right. Most Moms and Dads are working as hard as they can because we live in a society where one income just doesn't cut it anymore,"

NBC News correspondent Maria Shriver, the mother of four--Katherine, 13, Christina, 12, Patrick, 10, and Christopher, 6--agrees with Ellerbee: "But Moms aren't using the TV as a babysitter because they're out getting manicures!" says the 48-year-old anchor.

"Those mothers are struggling to make ends meet and they do it because they need help. I don't think kids would be watching [as much TV] if their parents were home organizing a touch football game.

"When I need the TV as a babysitter," says Shriver, who leaves detailed TV- viewing instructions behind when traveling, "I put on a safe video. I don't mind that my kids have watched "Pretty Woman" or "My Best Friend's Wedding" 3,000 times. I'd be more fearful if they watched an hour of local news.That would scare them. They might feel: 'Oh, my God, is somebody going to come in and shoot me in my bedroom?'"

In a move to supervise her own children more closely since her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, became Governor, Shriver scaled back her workload as Contributing Anchor to Dateline NBC and set up her office at home: "You can never be vigilant enough with your kids," she says, "because watching violence on TV clearly has a huge impact on children--whether it's TV news, movies, or cartoons."

This view is shared by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which states: ""TV is a powerful influence in developing value systems and shaping behavior...studies find that children may become immune to the horror of violence; gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems; and resort to anti-social and aggressive behavior, imitating the violence they observe."

Although there are no rules about watching TV in 49% of the nation's households, TV-watching at the Schwarzenegger home is almost totally verboten:

"We have a blanket rule that my kids do not watch any TV at all during the week," she notes, "and having a TV in their bedrooms has never been an option. I have enough trouble getting them to do their homework!" she states with a laugh. "Plus the half hour of reading they have to do every night.

According to the Kaiser survey, Shriver's household is a glaring exception to the rule. "Many kids have their own TV's, VCR's and video games in their bedroom," the study notes. Moreover, children ages 8-18 actually spend an average of three hours and 16 minutes watching TV daily; only 44 minutes reading; 31 minutes using the computer; 27 minutes playing video games; and a mere 13 minutes using the Internet.

"My kids," Shriver explains, "get home at 4 p.m., have a 20-minute break, then go right into homework or after-school sports. Then, I'm a big believer in having family dinner time. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting at the dinner table and listening to my parents, four brothers, and my grandmother, Rose. We didn't watch the news.

"After dinner nowadays, we play a game, then my kids are in bed, reading their books. There's no time in that day for any TV, except on weekends, when they're allowed to watch a Disney video, Sesame Street, Barney, The Brady Bunch, or Pokemon."

Beyond safe entertainment, Shriver has eliminated entirely the option of her children watching news events unfolding live on TV: "My kids," she notes, "do not watch any TV news, other than Nick News," instead providing her children with Time for Kids, [Teen Newsweek is also available], Highlights, and newspaper clippings discussed over dinner.

"No subject should be off-limits," Shriver concludes, "but you must filter the news to your kids."

ABC's Peter Jennings, who reigns over "World News Tonight," the nation's most-watched evening newscast, emphatically disagrees with a censored approach to news-watching: "I have two kids--Elizabeth is now 24 and Christopher is 21-- and they were allowed to watch as much TV news and information anytime they wanted," says the anchor. A firm believer in kids understanding the world around them, he adapted his bestselling book, The Century, for children ages 10 and older in The Century for Young People.

No downside to kids watching news? "I don't know of any downside and I've thought about it many times. I used to worry about my kids' exposure to violence and overt sex in the movies. Like most parents, I found that although they were exposed to violence sooner than I would have liked, I don't feel they've been affected by it. The jury's still out on the sex.

"I have exposed my kids to the violence of the world--to the bestiality of man--from the very beginning, at age 6 or 7. I didn't try to hide it. I never worried about putting a curtain between them and reality, because I never felt my children would be damaged by being exposed to violence IF they understood the context in which it occurred. I would talk to my kids about the vulnerability of children in wartime--the fact that they are innocent pawns-- and about what we could do as a family to make the world a more peaceful place.

Jennings firmly believes that coddling children is a mistake: "I've never talked down to my children, or to children period. I always talk UP to them and my newscast is appropriate for children of any age."

Yet the 65-year-old anchor often gets letters from irate parents: "They'll say: 'How dare you put that on at 6:30 when my children are watching?' My answer is: 'Madam, that's not my problem. That's YOUR problem. It's absolutely up to the parent to monitor the flow of news into the home."

Part of directing this flow is turning it off altogether at meal-time, says Jennings, who believes family dinners are sacrosanct. He is appalled that the TV is turned on during meals in 58% of the nation's households, this according to the Kaiser study.

"Watching TV during dinner is unforgivable," he exclaims, explaining that he always insisted that his family wait until he arrived home from anchoring the news. "You're darn right they waited...even when my kids were tiny, they never ate until 7:30 or 8 pm. Then we would sit with no music, no TV. Why waste such a golden opportunity? Watching TV at mealtime robs the family of the essence of the dinner, which is communion and exchange of ideas. I mean, God, if the dinner table is anything, it's a place to learn manners and appreciation for two of the greatest things in life--food and drink."

Jennings is likewise unequivocal in his view of junk TV and believes parking kids at the tube creates dull minds: "I think using TV as a babysitter is a terrible idea because the damn television is very narcotic, drug-like. Mindless TV makes for passive human beings--and it's a distraction from homework!

"My two children were allowed to watch only a half an hour of entertainment TV per night--and they never had TV's in their bedrooms.It's a conscious choice I made as a parent not to tempt them...too seductive..."

Adds Ellerbee: "TV is seductive and is meant to be. The hard, clear fact is that when kids are watching TV, they're not doing anything else!"

Indeed, according to the National Institute on Out-of-School Time and the Office of Research Education Consumer Guide, TV plays a bigger role in children's lives now than ever before. Kids watch TV an average of14 to 22 hours per week, which accounts for at least 25 percent of their free time.

"Dateline NBC" Anchor Jane Pauley, intensely private, declined an interview to discuss how she and her husband, cartoonist Garry Trudeau ("Doonesbury") handle TV-watching with their three teens, two of whom are fraternal twins. But in a written response, she agreed that kids need to be better protected from the onslaught of violence: "I was a visitor at a public elementary school not long ago, and was invited to peek in on a fourth-grade class on 'current events.' The assignment had been to watch the news and write about one of the stories. Two kids picked the fatal attack on a child by a pit bull and the other wrote about a child who'd hanged herself with a belt! They'd all watched the worst blood and gore 'News at 11' station in town. The teacher gave no hint that she was as appalled as I was. My response was to help the school get subscriptions to "Time for Kids" and "My Weekly Reader." People need to be better news consumers. And tabloid TV is very unhealthy for kids."

On this point, Ellerbee readily agrees:"I really do believe the first amendment STOPS at your front door. You are the boss at home and parents have every right to monitor what their kids watch. What's even better is watching with them and initiating conversations about what they see.If your child is watching something terribly violent, sit down and DEFUSE it. Talking makes the ghosts run...and kids can break through their scared feelings."

Adds Pauly:

"Kids," she maintains, "know about bad news--they're the ones trying to spare us the bad news sometimes. But kids should be able to see that their parents are both human enough to be deeply affected by a tragedy like Columbine, but also sturdy enough to get through it...and on with life. That is the underpinning of their security."

"I'm no expert on the nation's children," adds Jennings, " but I'd have to say no, it wasn't traumatic. Troubling, shocking, even devastating to some, confusing to others, but traumatizing in that great sense, no.

"Would I explain to my kids that there are young, upset, angry, depressed kids in the world? Yes. I hear the most horrendous stories about what's going on in high schools from my kids. And because of the shootings, parents are now on edge--pressuring educators to 'do something.' They have to be reminded that the vast majority of all schools in America are overwhelmingly safe," a fact borne out by The National School Safety Center, which reports that in l998 there were just 25 violent deaths in schools compared to an average of 50 in the early 90's.

Ellerbee adds that a parent's ability to listen is more important than lobbying school principals for more metal detectors and armed guards: "If there was ever a case where grown-ups weren't listening to kids, it was Littleton. First, don't interrupt your child...let them get the whole thought out. Next, if you sit silently for a couple of seconds after they're finished, they'll start talking again, getting to a second level of honesty. Third, try to be honest with your kid. To very small children, it's proper to say: 'This is never going to happen to you...' But you don't say that to a 10-year-old."

Moreover, Ellerbee believes that media literacy begins the day parents stop pretending that if you ignore TV, it will go away. "Let your kid know from the very beginning that he or she is SMARTER than TV: 'I am in control of this box, it is not in control of me. I will use this box as a useful, powerful TOOL, but will not be used by it.' Kids know the difference.

"Watching TV," Ellerbee maintains, "can makes kids more civilized. I grew up in the south of Texas in a family of bigoted people. Watching TV made me question my own family's beliefs in the natural inferiority of people of color. For me, TV was a real window that broadened my world."

Ironically, for Shriver, watching TV news is incredibly painful when the broadcast is about you. Being a Kennedy, Shriver has lived a lifetime in the glare of rumors and televised speculation about her own family. Presenting the news to her children has therefore included explaining the tragedies and controversies the Kennedys have endured. She was just eight years old when her uncle, President John F. Kennedy, was assassinated: "I grew up in a very big shadow...and I couldn't avoid it," she admits. "It wasn't a choker, but it was a big responsibility that I don't want my own children to feel." Yet doesn't her 15- year marriage to megastar Schwarzenegger add yet another layer of public curiosity close to home? "My kids are not watching Entertainment Tonight--no, no, never! And I don't bring them to movie openings or Planet Hollywood. I think it's fine for them to be proud of their father, but not show off about him."

How does she emotionally handle news when her family's in it? "That's a line I've been walking since my own childhood, and it's certainly effected the kind of reporter I've become. It's made me less aggressive. I'm not [in the news business] to glorify myself at someone else's expense, but rather to report a story without destroying someone in the process. A producer might say: 'Call this person who's in a disastrous situation and book them right way.' And I'm like: 'Ahhhh. I can't even bring myself to do it,' because I've been on the other side and know the family is in such pain."

A few years ago, of course, the Kennedys experienced profound pain, yet again, when Shriver's beloved cousin, John F. Kennedy, Jr., was killed in a plane crash, with his wife, Carolyn, and sister-in-law, Lauren Bessette. A blizzard of news coverage ensued, unremitting for weeks. "I didn't watch any of it...I was busy, " Shriver says quietly. "And my children didn't watch any of it either."

Shriver was, however, somewhat prepared to discuss the tragedy with her children. She is the author of the best-selling "What's Heaven?" [Golden Books], a book geared for children ages 4-8, which explains death and the loss of a loved one. "My children knew John well because he spent Christmases with us. I explained what happened to John as the news unfolded...walked them through it as best I could. I reminded them that Mommy wrote the book and said: 'We're not going to see John anymore. He has gone to God...to heaven...and we have to pray for him and for his sister [Caroline] and her children."

Like Shriver, Jennings is personally uncomfortable in the role of covering private tragedies in a public forum: "In my shop, I'm regarded as one of those people who drags their feet a lot at the notion of covering those things," he explains. "During the O.J. Simpson trial, I decided not to go crazy in our coverage--and we took quite a smack and dropped from first to second in the ratings. TV is a business, so when a real corker of a story like Princess Diana's death comes along, we cover it. I think we're afraid not to do it. We're guilty of overkill, and with Diana, we ended up celebrating something that was largely ephemeral, making Diana more than she was. But audiences leap up!

"I was totally opposed to covering John F. Kennedy, Jr.'s funeral, because I saw no need to do it. He wasn't a public figure, though others would say I was wrong. On-air, I said: 'I don't think the young Mr. Kennedy would approve of all this excess...' But we did three hours on the funeral and it turned out to be a wonderful long history lesson about American politics and the Kennedy dynasty's place in our national life.

"Sometimes," Jennings muses, "TV is like a chapel in which we, as a nation, can gather to have a communal experience of loss.We did it with the Challenger, more recently with JFK Jr.'s death and we will do it shortly, I suspect, though I hope not, with Ronald Reagan. It's not much different than what people did when they went West in covered wagons in the last century. When tragedy struck, they gathered the wagons around, lit the fire, and talked about their losses of the day. And then went on. Television can be very comforting."

In closing, Ellerbee contends that you can't blame TV news producers for the human appetite for sensational news coverage that often drags on for days at a time:

"As a reporter," she muses, "I have never been to a war, traffic accident, or murder site that didn't draw a crowd. There is a little trash in all of us. But the same people who stop to gawk at a traffic accident, may also climb down a well to save a child's life, or cry at a sunset, or grin and tap their feet when the parade goes by.

"We are NOT just one thing. Kids can understand these grays...just as there's more than one answer to a question, there is certainly more than one part to you!"

[girllovescomic]

Winter Begonia episode 3

This episode opens with the audience waiting on our little divo.  Minister Jin asks Boss Niu whether SXR has found a replacement for the violinist.  If not, he will make good on his threat. Weasel Dengbao repeats what Minister Jin said to his dad, like the man was not sitting right next to the corrupt politician.  The father replies if that is not exactly what he wants, to which Asian Crispin Glover bemoans that he is not that cruel. 

Meanwhile, Fan Lian acting like the typical fan wants to know what to know what SXR will be playing.  CFT like the good boyfriend he will become says that whatever his bae plays will be excellent.  Can I have my own Er Ye?  

Our pouty lips divo finally arrives on stage holding a Chinese violin.  Everyone is intrigued, wondering if he can actually play the instrument.  Daddy weasel Jiang explains that it takes hundred days to learn the dizi, a type of Chinese bamboo flute, a thousand days to learn the xiao (Chinese vertical flute) and ten years to be experienced enough to play the huqin/Chinese violin.  I guess all these instruments are used in the opera.  This worries Niu Bao Lan who clearly cares for our lil penguin. 

But no worries, our boy is a musical genius and he showcases it by playing the violin expertly, much to the dismay of the Jiang pair.  Fan Lian is obviously amazed by how talent his idol is, while CFT is all smiles and heart eyes.  Like bro, can you be more obvious in your fawning over your crush? He confirms what SXR had told him about being a hero.

Looking at his bae with open admiration.  Xirui share the wealth, sis!

Dengbao is clearly not happy that SXR will now be even more popular because of his prowess, but daddy tells him not to fly the white flag just yet.  SXR must have a weakness and they will find a way to exploit it. 

 Indeed, they find a way to manipulate SXR’s self-righteousness and stubbornness by loudly giving away the slush fund to Minister Jin’s secretary.  

It is obviously a trap to push the impetuous young man to make a major faux pas. Just as Daddy Jiang predicted, SXR decides to go back to the stage and sing an opera, as a laosheng (an older male role, something he hasn’t done in a while) about a corrupt Ming Dynasty minister who stole money from the empire. 

The crowd is clued in of the opera’s implication, including Fan Lian.  CFT, the opera novice, meanwhile is unaware of it and even claps thinking it is just a good performance.  When Fan Lian explains it to him, he even more impressed at how gutsy his crush is.

Hero gaze activated.  Anyone who touches bae will get the beating of his life.  I swear his attention perks up whenever someone threatens his lil penguin!

Minister Jin tells his secretary to send some guys after SXR.. Our little divo is no slouch in the martial arts department and is able to escape.  His dashing hero is waiting for him in the car and invites him to hop in.  

Minister Jin is surprised that SXR was able to slip through his fingers, but decides to not pursue him all the way to the opera house, not wanting to waste time on someone so insignificant.  Oh boy, if you only knew who is future boyfriend was!  Talking about boyfriend, CFT praises his lil divo’s martial arts skills; of course, SXR boasts that he is skilled in both singing and kung fu, without a hint of humility.  CFT asks if his little act was to his satisfaction and of course, Xirui answers in the affirmative.  CFT lets him know that his act will have consequences since he drew the ire of a powerful man by exposing his bad deeds and this matter will not be let go.  Xirui asks CFT what he should in that case.  CFT tells him he cannot do it alone, he will need help and then explains why Minister Jin tried to embezzled the money.  Apparently it is not really about the money, but about securing his position in Beiping against the juggernaut that is Commander Cao.  Unfortunately this flies over Xirui’s head who is probably looking at Er Ye’s beautiful profile and thinking of a few operas he wants to sing for him. Or how lucky he has found such a sexy daddy. Oh, I wish I was in your place sweetie. CFT promises he will take care of the situation for him and offers food, which he seems to know it’s something his crush understands. Then they gaze into each other’s eyes with Er Ye smiling softly and holy shit, like the gaze actually last more than a second! How this past censorship, I will never know.   

Xan Er Ye gaze at me like that too

We see Minister Jin acting like the pompous ass he is, walking down the street with his loot.  Someone shoots at his hat, creating a diversion to take said loot, which he realizes too late. 

Ohh so that is CFT’s plan, as we see his crew bring back the money.  He tells them to send it to the anti-Japanese coalition. This little act sinks Minister Jin who is accused of corruption and loses his fight against Commander Cao without the latter raising a finger.  

This obviously does not sit well with weasel Dengbao who complains, like the little bish he is, to his father.  Apparently, Xirui found another opera house to perform; it’s a popular house that has hosted many big opera performers (jue’er). His father tells him that they may not have to lift a finger, others will do the heavy lifting for them in dealing with Xirui.  He lets him on a secret about the so-called bad blood between Commander Cao and Xirui back when they were in Pingyang.   

Weasel Cao decides they need to spill the tea about the situation 

The next day, Xirui and his troupe come into the opera house and find Dengbao’s troupe, Longchun Troupe, in their space and the cattiness ensues.  I swear, it feels like watching the backstage of a theater or Hollywood, where rival actors get in each others’ faces for some primetime. 

Dengbao sneers, telling Xirui the opera house is now his territory. Whatever Asian Mr. World. There’s a staredown which is interrupted by the opera house manager.  

SXR demands an explanation for basically reneging on their agreement. The manager tells them he has his reasons for doing so, but if they want to perform they can take the morning spot, which is basically relegating a rising star, like Beyonce, to be the opening act instead of the primetime act, which is a major downgrade.

  Not only that, but it will be doing so until another performer, who is currently sick, returns.  Best girl Xiao Lai tells SXR to find another spot to perform, offended by the obvious downgrade.  

The manager lets them know that other houses will probably turn them down. It turns out that removing Minister Jin in favor of Commander Cao has made his previous encounter with the warlord resurface and no one wants to deal with this hot mess, in fear they will draw the wrath of Beijing’s new boss.  SXR looks at Dengbao and I believe he realizes this was his doing.

He discusses the matter with sexy crush while eating a steak like a country girl at a fancy debutante ball.  He tells CFT that the gossip is blown out of proportion; he doesn’t really have any feud with the commander. It turns out the commander wanted to keep the troupe as its personal entertainment, which goes against SXR wish of performing on stage. After all, the stage is everything for him.  He refused to continue singing, which led the commander to threaten him with a gun.  Our little divo showed his backbone, not flinching a tiny bit while feeling the cold barrel pressed against his head. . Xirui tells CFT that all the other things are unfounded gossips, there is nothing more between them.  A sidenote, in the novel, SXR was actually Commander Cao’s boy toy, which drew Meixin’s jealousy, forcing SXR to hide in his room to avoid her. He left for the same reason. Like a good boyfriend, CFT shows his understanding of the situation, replying that no one else was there so people ran with the gossip.  Xirui sees the people who believes the rumors as brainless, and I have to agree with him on this.  Even in modern time, people will believe whatever they want to believe about celebrities without using logic.

Can we take time to see how beautiful Yin Zheng look here?

Sexy CFT agrees and even brings up the fact that if the rumors were true, SXR would have been six feet under.  He knows his BIL very well.  Unfortunately, this does not change the fact that people will believe the gossip especially if the parties involved do not clarify the situation. CFT offers to remedy the situation by inviting SXR to sing at his son’s first birthday, where the commander will also be in attendance to celebrate his political win. SXR is honored to come sing for the Little Master and would have done so even without the added benefit.

We see two people walking and I smell trouble. The woman seems taken by the environment surrounding her, as if it is the first time she sees such luxury. Her husband is very sweet and soft-spoken and you can tell he is very much caring towards her. They are even holding hands like a pair of teenage lovers. Hmmm...could this provide a parallel between CFT and his wife?

Fan Lian greets them and we find out it’s the rumored couple mentioned in the gossip about SXR when he was still in Pingyang. The woman is Jiang Menping, Xirui’s former senior sister and her husband, Chang Zhixin, is Fan Lian and Er Nainai’s cousin. They have come to Beijing because the cousin works in government. Apparently the mention of Shuiyun is persona non grata around Meiping. She looks a shy and pensive woman, a complete contrast to the childlike and wild SXR.

They come to visit Er Nainai and CZX is taken by Er Nainai’s son, doting on him, which seems to sadden Meiping.  Er Nainai, after chatting incessantly about it until she notices Menping’s sad gaze. We learn she has been trying to get pregnant but her body is unhealthy or unable to produce children.  CZX showcases how much of a doting husband he is, stating that he actually does not like kids at all, which is a sweet lie.  He only wants her, nothing else.  Sigh...will I ever find someone like this.  

I digress...He adds that since he comes from a large family and had to deal with a lot of crying brats, he has grown to dislike kids.  You can tell he is saying this to make her feel good and she knows, but she is grateful and bask in his love. Er Nainai notices the sweet moment and you can tell she wishes that Er Ye was that loving. 

She gives Menping a pair of earrings as a wedding gift, which she could not attend.  Menping feels the jewelry is too luxurious, which makes me think they are a frugal type couple, despite the high level job he has and his aristocratic background. Er Nainai apologizes for her faux pas earlier, which Menping assures her it is okay.  CZX cannot stay a few moments away from his wife, acting all anxious as if she had disappeared.  She reminds him that it has only been 30 minutes, but in his mind, it felt like a day. I may get diabetes from all that sweetness. He quickly notices the earrings.  He tells Er Nainai that he notices everything about Menping, down to the details like new earrings. Oooh, the look of envy is all over Er Nainai’s face.

Is he for real??

We see Er Nainai trying out new earrings, obviously in the hopes that dashing CFT will notice.  Oh sis, your relationship is not the same as your cousin.  CFT comes in and thrown himself on the bed, fully clothed.  He looks like he had a full day. She helps him out of his jacket and tries to draw his attention to the earrings. Oh sis, i am telling you that you are wasting your time.  His heart eyes are not for you. He jokes that she looks chubbier (BRO!) and she pushes him back on the bed.  He wants to know what has gotten in her to make her irritated towards him. She pouts and walks back to her dresser, obviously disappointed that he did not notice the minute change. 

BRO! The last thing a woman wants to hear!

He’s like, okay fine, I am going to wash up, but by the way, next week is our son’s first birthday, so take care of the preparation, especially since my BIL will be coming for his big celebration. As he walks away, she mutters that she’s no better than a servant and takes off the earrings.

It’s the day of the Little Master’s birthday and Meixin is acting like a good hostess, guiding the servants and being the mistress of the house.  Apparently, Er Nainai is still pouting in her room.  One of the servants inform her the opera troupe is here and it is obvious that she has no idea who it is. By the way, let me pause again and talk about the fashion. Meixin’s dress and the mink she wears is gorgeous.  Good lord the details in this show!!!  Ok, so back to the program, she tells the servant to warn the maids not to go near the performers, again highlighting the prejudice carried against the performers, who were lower than even prostitutes.  Sigh, hierarchical societies are bleh. 

Meixin inquires about Er Nainai and right on cue, we see her, gazing into space, clearly still not over the fact that her husband does not pay full attention to her. Gurl, your marriage cannot be compared to that of your cousin! He married for love, while your husband married you for convenience.  Even if you are in love with him, the same cannot be said about him! He still showers you with affection and care, some people cannot even find that! 

Ugh, Meixin barges in and they have a little sister chat about the birds and the bees, the difference between men and women when it comes to love. Meixin wonders if she has a fever or something, and Er Nainai explains that she read an opera script (really sis?!) that claims if a woman has never or be loved, is she living in vain and I am sitting here, looking at myself, feeling forever alone... 

Sis, way to twist the knife in my wound

Meixin dismiss this nonsense, telling that most opera scripts are fake to fool young girls (that sounds familiar) and that as an housewife, she has obligations to fulfill. Er Nainai insists the stories are real and brings up the real reason why she feels out of sorts. 

 Meixin is like, the hell girl, why are you bringing this nonsense up? Did my brother offend you or something? Er Nainai says no, but she feels Fengtai is not like other men, which Meixin tells her it’s a good thing. 

 Every men are not supposed to be the same and Er Nainai acts like she’s a little girl. Meixin explains that some men are verbose with their love, while others carried in their hearts.  There are other men who sleeps around (hmmm is this a reference to novel Fengtai?) while others simply do not understand romance.

She thinks Fengtai is of the latter (maybe because he has not found the person to display his love to). Meixin reminds her of the type of man her brother is, someone who is bright and sensible, and she should be happy to have someone like this as a husband, instead of a gruff like Commander Cao.  No truer words spoken, sis!

Oh SIS! I hope you never see your husband’s face when he looks at his chubby cheeks bae.  You might be too mad to see such obvious display of adoration

Meanwhile Hot daddy CFT struts his stuff into the banquet area of his house, schmoozing to his guests.  Mr Hao Lan, who I believe is the head servant of the household, urges him to go outside and wait to greet the Commander. CFT tells him not to fret, the man of the hour will probably fashionably late. 

His mind quickly shifts to his bae and he inquires about the troupe.  As soon as he finds out there are already in his home, he goes out to check. Oh boy, the man is enamored, completely unaware that his wife is having a heart-to-heart about their relationship. 

He hears some of the singers fighting with their troupe leader, irritating Shang Lao Ban so much, he storms out. As soon as Xirui sees CFT, he is all smiles while CFT gives him his soft gaze that shows all the affection he has for our adorable divo.  Oh, if Er Nainai had seen this, she would have blown a casket.

If I could find a man who looks at me like Er Ye looks at Xirui

He claims to come and get a look at his bae check the preparations, wondering if it was bad time since he overheard the arguing. Sis, you are here to gaze at your crush

 SXR chuckles, dismissing the silly fight.  Er Ye tells him that he has hired photographers and reporters to help with dismissing the rumors. The headline, according to him will read “Shang Xirui’s beautiful voice caused Commander Cao to light up and smile”. Geez can I get a hype man like this? SXR is grateful at all the support CFT provided and wonders how he is going to repay him.

Sigh...

Right at this moment, the man of the hour arrives with all the pomp.  Lao Han rush CFT to the front door to greet the Commander. CFT reminds SXR that the rest is up to him to either fail or succeed in dispeling the rumors. SXR tells him not to worry and CFT replies with another one of his killer smiles. He runs to the door as Commander Cao steps out of the car. BIL tells him that he saw him running to greet him instead of waiting for him, all in jest.  

They clearly have a good relationship. CFT even jest that he doesn’t have another elder sister to give away for marriage when Commander Cao brings out all the gifts. Not to be outdone in the hilarious department, Cao tells him about the gift he brought to his little nephew and I swear I am endeared by the gruff old man when he describes the noise made by the toy train.  

Fan Lian is acting like the young master of the house, walking aimlessly towards the kitchen where he finds his cousins helping out. He’s like, what the hell are you guys doing? You are guests, not helpers! He tells them to go change and attend the banquet, hoping CXZ could rub shoulders with Old Cao for his career, but CXZ sounds like an honest politician.  

Commander Cao and Fengtai are jesting again, and you really feel their relationship is not based on hierarchy, but one of affection.  I think this is the first time I see a Republican Era drama that shows a warlord’s softer side.  Is this show for real???? They are discussing the tense relationship between his son, Cao Guixi who is also a top member of the army, and him.  Lol, he even calls him a son of a bitch, which makes CFT spit out the hazelnut out of his mouth. Apparently, the son is being ungrateful after his father gave him a golden ticket by sending him abroad, but he is turning out to be rebellious, even hanging out with sketchy people. 

Unfortunately for the Commander, since it’s his only heir, he can’t do much to suppress the young master. 

Oh, is the young master cause problem later?

Fengtai suggests that Commander impregnates his sister so she can give him another heir (no worries, this is said in jest) and he can shoot the current heir.  Fengtai asks why the Commander is so sweet with him (hmm because you are so damn charming, who can resist you?) while so stern with his son. The Commander does not want to talk his son because the latter infuriates him.  He then calls Fengtai using a feminized version of his name (Feng’er), which shows the kind of affection they have between each other.  Awww...Fengtai playfully acts embarrassed, which only prompts the Commander to yell out the girly nickname. LOL, I cannot! 

He then tells the Commander that he has brought Shang Xirui to perform for him, but if this offends him, he will send the troupe back.  He informs him of the situation the opera singer has found himself because of their nebulous past, but it seems, based on the Commander’s reaction, to be water under the bridge.  The Commander finds the gossip silly since he does not consider the lil divo as a worthy enemy.  Relieved, CFT tells him that he will make SXR sing a great piece for him and even apologizes, but the Commander knows the lil divo is a stubborn child who does not bend over for anyone.  The Commander requests a popular Shaanxi Opera called Qinqiang (I may actually make a post about the different operas). CFT orders the manager to inform SXR of the request.

SXR is not too happy about the sudden change, since he doesn’t have the right costume and makeup to perform this opera.  Oof, any creatives reading this will understand his fretting. We like to be perfect when we deliver our art and any last minute inconvenience can throw a major wrench in our delivery. 

Manager Han tells him it was a request from the Commander himself, so basically he has no choice. Despite having a well-know stubborn personality, SXR acquiesces, but he is not happy about it.  He knows he has no choice but to please the Commander since his future depends on it Even his troupe member comments at this overbearing commander’s unfair request.  SXR asks Xiao Lai if he should perform without all of his accoutrement, which best girl agrees. 

He is going to need far more food than the dainty offering from la casa de Cheng.  

She goes out to get something heavier, while Manager Han catches up with Meixin to let her know that her hubby is here.  She spots Xiao Lai and you know trouble is a-brewing.  She asks who that girl is as she looks familiar and learns which opera troupe was invite.  Realizing the impending trouble since Er Nainai’s cousins are also attending the banquet, she ask the manager to quickly fix this messy situation.

Ooph, there are so many good moments in this episode, especially with SXR calling out the minister for embezzlement, showing CFT that despite being a dan, he is no damsel.  We find out that he has martial art skills, which will probably be handy in later episodes.  We also finally get a chance to see the Commander and more family dynamics on CFT sides.  His relationship with this BIL is quite interesting and despite the obvious difference in status, they are quite affectionate with each other.  I feel like I am watching a more Westernized relationship than a typical Asian one.  Additionally, we get to see the much talked about Jiang Menping and her husband.  Their relationship is again a very Westernized lovey-dovey relationship, that of love, not one of arranged marriage, which contrast immensely to Fengtai-Er Nainai’s relationship.  This makes Er Nainai yearns for such devotion from her husband, which we know she will not get since a lil divo has bursted into the scene and crept up inside CFT’s heart.  I feel for her, you can tell she has love for her husband, but she is equally naive when it comes to relationship and how to deal with men in general.  She is after all a very conservative woman, who unlike her well-cultured husband, represents the vestiges of a fallen dynasty and society, that is still trying to hang on desperately.  I sense trouble brewing between Xirui, the cousins and Commander Cao

[itnews452]

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

KIDS AND THE NEWS

More than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes traumatizing, news events on TV. It seems that violent crime and bad news is unabating. Foreign wars, natural disasters, terrorism, murders, incidents of child abuse, and medical epidemics flood our newscasts daily. Not to mention the grim wave of recent school shootings.

All of this intrudes on the innocent world of children. If, as psychologists say, kids are like sponges and absorb everything that goes on around them, how profoundly does watching TV news actually affect them? How careful do parents need to be in monitoring the flow of news into the home, and how can they find an approach that works?

To answer these questions, we turned to a panel of seasoned anchors, Peter Jennings, Maria Shriver, Linda Ellerbee, and Jane Pauley--each having faced the complexities of raising their own vulnerable children in a news-saturated world.

Picture this: 6:30 p.m. After an exhausting day at the office, Mom is busy making dinner. She parks her 9-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son in front of the TV.

"Play Nintendo until dinner's ready," she instructs the little ones, who, instead, start flipping channels.

Tom Brokaw on "NBC News Tonight," announces that an Atlanta gunman has killed his wife, daughter and son, all three with a hammer, before going on a shooting rampage that leaves nine dead.

On "World News Tonight," Peter Jennings reports that a jumbo jetliner with more than 300 passengers crashed in a spinning metal fireball at a Hong Kong airport.

On CNN, there's a report about the earthquake in Turkey, with 2,000 people killed.

On the Discovery channel, there's a timely special on hurricanes and the terror they create in children. Hurricane Dennis has already struck, Floyd is coming.

Finally, they see a local news report about a roller coaster accident at a New Jersey amusement park that kills a mother and her eight-year-old daughter.

Nintendo was never this riveting.

"Dinner's ready!" shouts Mom, unaware that her children may be terrified by this menacing potpourri of TV news.

What's wrong with this picture?

"There's a LOT wrong with it, but it's not that easily fixable," notes Linda Ellerbee, the creator and host of "Nick News," the award-winning news program geared for kids ages 8-13, airing on Nickelodeon.

"Watching blood and gore on TV is NOT good for kids and it doesn't do much to enhance the lives of adults either," says the anchor, who strives to inform children about world events without terrorizing them. "We're into stretching kids' brains and there's nothing we wouldn't cover," including recent programs on euthanasia, the Kosovo crisis, prayer in schools, book- banning, the death penalty, and Sudan slaves.

But Ellerbee emphasizes the necessity of parental supervision, shielding children from unfounded fears. "During the Oklahoma City bombing, there were terrible images of children being hurt and killed," Ellerbee recalls. "Kids wanted to know if they were safe in their beds. In studies conducted by Nickelodeon, we found out that kids find the news the most frightening thing on TV.

"Whether it's the Gulf War, the Clinton scandal, a downed jetliner, or what happened in Littleton, you have to reassure your children, over and over again, that they're going to be OK--that the reason this story is news is that IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. News is the exception...nobody goes on the air happily and reports how many planes landed safely!

"My job is to put the information into an age-appropriate context and lower anxieties. Then it's really up to the parents to monitor what their kids watch and discuss it with them"

Yet a new study of the role of media in the lives of children conducted by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation reveals that 95% of the nation's children ages 8-18 are watching TV without their parents present.

How does Ellerbee view the typical scenario of the harried mother above?

"Mom's taking a beating here. Where's Dad?" Ellerbee asks.Perhaps at work, or living separately from Mom, or absent altogether.

"Right. Most Moms and Dads are working as hard as they can because we live in a society where one income just doesn't cut it anymore,"

NBC News correspondent Maria Shriver, the mother of four--Katherine, 13, Christina, 12, Patrick, 10, and Christopher, 6--agrees with Ellerbee: "But Moms aren't using the TV as a babysitter because they're out getting manicures!" says the 48-year-old anchor.

"Those mothers are struggling to make ends meet and they do it because they need help. I don't think kids would be watching [as much TV] if their parents were home organizing a touch football game.

"When I need the TV as a babysitter," says Shriver, who leaves detailed TV- viewing instructions behind when traveling, "I put on a safe video. I don't mind that my kids have watched "Pretty Woman" or "My Best Friend's Wedding" 3,000 times. I'd be more fearful if they watched an hour of local news.That would scare them. They might feel: 'Oh, my God, is somebody going to come in and shoot me in my bedroom?'"

In a move to supervise her own children more closely since her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, became Governor, Shriver scaled back her workload as Contributing Anchor to Dateline NBC and set up her office at home: "You can never be vigilant enough with your kids," she says, "because watching violence on TV clearly has a huge impact on children--whether it's TV news, movies, or cartoons."

This view is shared by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which states: ""TV is a powerful influence in developing value systems and shaping behavior...studies find that children may become immune to the horror of violence; gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems; and resort to anti-social and aggressive behavior, imitating the violence they observe."

Although there are no rules about watching TV in 49% of the nation's households, TV-watching at the Schwarzenegger home is almost totally verboten:

"We have a blanket rule that my kids do not watch any TV at all during the week," she notes, "and having a TV in their bedrooms has never been an option. I have enough trouble getting them to do their homework!" she states with a laugh. "Plus the half hour of reading they have to do every night.

According to the Kaiser survey, Shriver's household is a glaring exception to the rule. "Many kids have their own TV's, VCR's and video games in their bedroom," the study notes. Moreover, children ages 8-18 actually spend an average of three hours and 16 minutes watching TV daily; only 44 minutes reading; 31 minutes using the computer; 27 minutes playing video games; and a mere 13 minutes using the Internet.

"My kids," Shriver explains, "get home at 4 p.m., have a 20-minute break, then go right into homework or after-school sports. Then, I'm a big believer in having family dinner time. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting at the dinner table and listening to my parents, four brothers, and my grandmother, Rose. We didn't watch the news.

"After dinner nowadays, we play a game, then my kids are in bed, reading their books. There's no time in that day for any TV, except on weekends, when they're allowed to watch a Disney video, Sesame Street, Barney, The Brady Bunch, or Pokemon."

Beyond safe entertainment, Shriver has eliminated entirely the option of her children watching news events unfolding live on TV: "My kids," she notes, "do not watch any TV news, other than Nick News," instead providing her children with Time for Kids, [Teen Newsweek is also available], Highlights, and newspaper clippings discussed over dinner.

"No subject should be off-limits," Shriver concludes, "but you must filter the news to your kids."

ABC's Peter Jennings, who reigns over "World News Tonight," the nation's most-watched evening newscast, emphatically disagrees with a censored approach to news-watching: "I have two kids--Elizabeth is now 24 and Christopher is 21-- and they were allowed to watch as much TV news and information anytime they wanted," says the anchor. A firm believer in kids understanding the world around them, he adapted his bestselling book, The Century, for children ages 10 and older in The Century for Young People.

No downside to kids watching news? "I don't know of any downside and I've thought about it many times. I used to worry about my kids' exposure to violence and overt sex in the movies. Like most parents, I found that although they were exposed to violence sooner than I would have liked, I don't feel they've been affected by it. The jury's still out on the sex.

"I have exposed my kids to the violence of the world--to the bestiality of man--from the very beginning, at age 6 or 7. I didn't try to hide it. I never worried about putting a curtain between them and reality, because I never felt my children would be damaged by being exposed to violence IF they understood the context in which it occurred. I would talk to my kids about the vulnerability of children in wartime--the fact that they are innocent pawns-- and about what we could do as a family to make the world a more peaceful place.

Jennings firmly believes that coddling children is a mistake: "I've never talked down to my children, or to children period. I always talk UP to them and my newscast is appropriate for children of any age."

Yet the 65-year-old anchor often gets letters from irate parents: "They'll say: 'How dare you put that on at 6:30 when my children are watching?' My answer is: 'Madam, that's not my problem. That's YOUR problem. It's absolutely up to the parent to monitor the flow of news into the home."

Part of directing this flow is turning it off altogether at meal-time, says Jennings, who believes family dinners are sacrosanct. He is appalled that the TV is turned on during meals in 58% of the nation's households, this according to the Kaiser study.

"Watching TV during dinner is unforgivable," he exclaims, explaining that he always insisted that his family wait until he arrived home from anchoring the news. "You're darn right they waited...even when my kids were tiny, they never ate until 7:30 or 8 pm. Then we would sit with no music, no TV. Why waste such a golden opportunity? Watching TV at mealtime robs the family of the essence of the dinner, which is communion and exchange of ideas. I mean, God, if the dinner table is anything, it's a place to learn manners and appreciation for two of the greatest things in life--food and drink."

Jennings is likewise unequivocal in his view of junk TV and believes parking kids at the tube creates dull minds: "I think using TV as a babysitter is a terrible idea because the damn television is very narcotic, drug-like. Mindless TV makes for passive human beings--and it's a distraction from homework!

"My two children were allowed to watch only a half an hour of entertainment TV per night--and they never had TV's in their bedrooms.It's a conscious choice I made as a parent not to tempt them...too seductive..."

Adds Ellerbee: "TV is seductive and is meant to be. The hard, clear fact is that when kids are watching TV, they're not doing anything else!"

Indeed, according to the National Institute on Out-of-School Time and the Office of Research Education Consumer Guide, TV plays a bigger role in children's lives now than ever before. Kids watch TV an average of14 to 22 hours per week, which accounts for at least 25 percent of their free time.

"Dateline NBC" Anchor Jane Pauley, intensely private, declined an interview to discuss how she and her husband, cartoonist Garry Trudeau ("Doonesbury") handle TV-watching with their three teens, two of whom are fraternal twins. But in a written response, she agreed that kids need to be better protected from the onslaught of violence: "I was a visitor at a public elementary school not long ago, and was invited to peek in on a fourth-grade class on 'current events.' The assignment had been to watch the news and write about one of the stories. Two kids picked the fatal attack on a child by a pit bull and the other wrote about a child who'd hanged herself with a belt! They'd all watched the worst blood and gore 'News at 11' station in town. The teacher gave no hint that she was as appalled as I was. My response was to help the school get subscriptions to "Time for Kids" and "My Weekly Reader." People need to be better news consumers. And tabloid TV is very unhealthy for kids."

On this point, Ellerbee readily agrees:"I really do believe the first amendment STOPS at your front door. You are the boss at home and parents have every right to monitor what their kids watch. What's even better is watching with them and initiating conversations about what they see.If your child is watching something terribly violent, sit down and DEFUSE it. Talking makes the ghosts run...and kids can break through their scared feelings."

Adds Pauly:

"Kids," she maintains, "know about bad news--they're the ones trying to spare us the bad news sometimes. But kids should be able to see that their parents are both human enough to be deeply affected by a tragedy like Columbine, but also sturdy enough to get through it...and on with life. That is the underpinning of their security."

"I'm no expert on the nation's children," adds Jennings, " but I'd have to say no, it wasn't traumatic. Troubling, shocking, even devastating to some, confusing to others, but traumatizing in that great sense, no.

"Would I explain to my kids that there are young, upset, angry, depressed kids in the world? Yes. I hear the most horrendous stories about what's going on in high schools from my kids. And because of the shootings, parents are now on edge--pressuring educators to 'do something.' They have to be reminded that the vast majority of all schools in America are overwhelmingly safe," a fact borne out by The National School Safety Center, which reports that in l998 there were just 25 violent deaths in schools compared to an average of 50 in the early 90's.

Ellerbee adds that a parent's ability to listen is more important than lobbying school principals for more metal detectors and armed guards: "If there was ever a case where grown-ups weren't listening to kids, it was Littleton. First, don't interrupt your child...let them get the whole thought out. Next, if you sit silently for a couple of seconds after they're finished, they'll start talking again, getting to a second level of honesty. Third, try to be honest with your kid. To very small children, it's proper to say: 'This is never going to happen to you...' But you don't say that to a 10-year-old."

Moreover, Ellerbee believes that media literacy begins the day parents stop pretending that if you ignore TV, it will go away. "Let your kid know from the very beginning that he or she is SMARTER than TV: 'I am in control of this box, it is not in control of me. I will use this box as a useful, powerful TOOL, but will not be used by it.' Kids know the difference.

"Watching TV," Ellerbee maintains, "can makes kids more civilized. I grew up in the south of Texas in a family of bigoted people. Watching TV made me question my own family's beliefs in the natural inferiority of people of color. For me, TV was a real window that broadened my world."

Ironically, for Shriver, watching TV news is incredibly painful when the broadcast is about you. Being a Kennedy, Shriver has lived a lifetime in the glare of rumors and televised speculation about her own family. Presenting the news to her children has therefore included explaining the tragedies and controversies the Kennedys have endured. She was just eight years old when her uncle, President John F. Kennedy, was assassinated: "I grew up in a very big shadow...and I couldn't avoid it," she admits. "It wasn't a choker, but it was a big responsibility that I don't want my own children to feel." Yet doesn't her 15- year marriage to megastar Schwarzenegger add yet another layer of public curiosity close to home? "My kids are not watching Entertainment Tonight--no, no, never! And I don't bring them to movie openings or Planet Hollywood. I think it's fine for them to be proud of their father, but not show off about him."

How does she emotionally handle news when her family's in it? "That's a line I've been walking since my own childhood, and it's certainly effected the kind of reporter I've become. It's made me less aggressive. I'm not [in the news business] to glorify myself at someone else's expense, but rather to report a story without destroying someone in the process. A producer might say: 'Call this person who's in a disastrous situation and book them right way.' And I'm like: 'Ahhhh. I can't even bring myself to do it,' because I've been on the other side and know the family is in such pain." Read more here ข่าวไอที

A few years ago, of course, the Kennedys experienced profound pain, yet again, when Shriver's beloved cousin, John F. Kennedy, Jr., was killed in a plane crash, with his wife, Carolyn, and sister-in-law, Lauren Bessette. A blizzard of news coverage ensued, unremitting for weeks. "I didn't watch any of it...I was busy, " Shriver says quietly. "And my children didn't watch any of it either."

Shriver was, however, somewhat prepared to discuss the tragedy with her children. She is the author of the best-selling "What's Heaven?" [Golden Books], a book geared for children ages 4-8, which explains death and the loss of a loved one. "My children knew John well because he spent Christmases with us. I explained what happened to John as the news unfolded...walked them through it as best I could. I reminded them that Mommy wrote the book and said: 'We're not going to see John anymore. He has gone to God...to heaven...and we have to pray for him and for his sister [Caroline] and her children."

Like Shriver, Jennings is personally uncomfortable in the role of covering private tragedies in a public forum: "In my shop, I'm regarded as one of those people who drags their feet a lot at the notion of covering those things," he explains. "During the O.J. Simpson trial, I decided not to go crazy in our coverage--and we took quite a smack and dropped from first to second in the ratings. TV is a business, so when a real corker of a story like Princess Diana's death comes along, we cover it. I think we're afraid not to do it. We're guilty of overkill, and with Diana, we ended up celebrating something that was largely ephemeral, making Diana more than she was. But audiences leap up!

"I was totally opposed to covering John F. Kennedy, Jr.'s funeral, because I saw no need to do it. He wasn't a public figure, though others would say I was wrong. On-air, I said: 'I don't think the young Mr. Kennedy would approve of all this excess...' But we did three hours on the funeral and it turned out to be a wonderful long history lesson about American politics and the Kennedy dynasty's place in our national life.

"Sometimes," Jennings muses, "TV is like a chapel in which we, as a nation, can gather to have a communal experience of loss.We did it with the Challenger, more recently with JFK Jr.'s death and we will do it shortly, I suspect, though I hope not, with Ronald Reagan. It's not much different than what people did when they went West in covered wagons in the last century. When tragedy struck, they gathered the wagons around, lit the fire, and talked about their losses of the day. And then went on. Television can be very comforting."

In closing, Ellerbee contends that you can't blame TV news producers for the human appetite for sensational news coverage that often drags on for days at a time:

"As a reporter," she muses, "I have never been to a war, traffic accident, or murder site that didn't draw a crowd. There is a little trash in all of us. But the same people who stop to gawk at a traffic accident, may also climb down a well to save a child's life, or cry at a sunset, or grin and tap their feet when the parade goes by.

"We are NOT just one thing. Kids can understand these grays...just as there's more than one answer to a question, there is certainly more than one part to you!

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

11 podcasts to listen to if you want to laugh your ass off

Life is hard. The news is stressful. And sometimes you just need a break from *gestures broadly at everything happening in the world right now.* .

Fortunately for anyone looking for a bit of escapism of the madness of everyday life, we have two words for you: comedy podcasts.

While there are heavy-hitter comedy shows like The Nerdist, Comedy Bang Bang, and WTF With Marc Maron, there are also a plethora of other podcasts that will help you digest what's happening in the world, expose the absurdity what's happening in the news and pop culture, and ultimately leave you in fits of laughter.

SEE ALSO: Here are 5 unrealistic things that happen in every romantic comedy

Some of these shows cover current events and some of them will give you (extremely dubious) advice, but no matter what, these 11 podcasts that will make you laugh your ass off.

1. My Dad Wrote A Porno

My Dad Wrote A Porno has a purely descriptive title: host Jaime Morton discovered that his dad had a secret hobby of writing erotica. So Morton did what any person would do: read it out loud and broadcast it to the world.

In addition to reading from his dad's book, Morton is joined by two friends — James Cooper and Alice Levine — who deconstruct what happens in each chapter, switching between hysterically laughing at some of the more absurd sections of the book to deadpan analysis of our protagonist Belinda Blumenthal and her adventures.

Tl;dr, it's very awkward and very NSFW podcast about what happens when you discover the sexual fantasy of your parents. How can you not laugh at that?!

(Author's note: This podcast literally had me cackling in the street while listening. Sorry to the Brooklynites that I scared with my sudden outbursts.)

Episode to start with: "The Job Interview"

2. Keep It

Crooked Media may have launched with a slew of politics shows, most notably Pod Save America, but if you're not listening to the network's pop culture show Keep It, you're truly missing out.

Hosted by journalist Ira Madison III, who is often joined by Kara Brown and Louis Virtel, the show is a weekly discussion podcast that breaks down what's happening in the entertainment world.

The title comes from Madison's Twitter catchphrase "keep it," which is the two-word clap back Madison uses to shut down the trash news that comes through his Twitter feed. But what makes the show especially good is the extreme amount of chemistry between the panelists as they provide pop culture analysis that's simultaneously thoughtful, brutal, and hilarious.

Episode to start with: They Cancel Roseannes, Don't They?

3. Baby-Sitters Club Club

Aaaaahhh remember the Baby-Sitters Club, that classic '80s and '90s children's book series about a group of babysitters who are just trying to earn a buck while also dealing with the challenges of growing up. Well, have you read those books again recently, as an adult?

Hosts Jack Sheppard and Tanner Greenring have, and wow, those books are nothing like you remember. 

Each week in The Baby-Sitters Club Club, Shepherd and Greenring read one of Ann M. Martin's classic novels, and deconstruct it. But what makes the show so hilarious are the many theories that Shepherd and Greenring generate about what's actually going on in the town of Stoneybrook. Is the Baby-Sitters Club marxist? And are the characters secretly in a parallel universe that's actually a beehive? Who knows, but after listening to this podcast, you won't be able to read The Baby-Sitters Club the same way again.

Episode to start with: Kristy's Great Idea

4. Judge John Hodgman

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and you just need a little bit of advice. And that's where Judge John Hodgman comes in.

In the podcast, comedian John Hodgman (who you may know as PC from those early aughts Mac vs. PC commercials) arbitrates the petty grievances that crop of in our day to day lives.

Whether he's deciding if a wife should be freed of her lifelong agreement to let her husband order the toppings of the pizzas they order or whether it's okay to meditate at work, Hodgman delivers very serious rulings to very absurd debates that'll leave you in stitches.

Episode to start with: Pizza Parley

5. Lovett or Leave It

Sometimes the best way to deal with news is to laugh at it, and for anyone who wants to poke fun at current events, there's Lovett or Leave It. Each week, host Jon Lovett is joined by comedians, journalists, and more to "deal with whatever bullshit came flying over the transom in our broken, insane political nightmare factory."

Episodes are recorded live in front of an audience and include a mixture of discussions, pop quizzes, and games, which means you'll be just as informed as you are entertained.

Episode to start with: Rudy Giuliani, Esquire

6. The Read

You know those conversations with your best friend that get crazy because you hold absolutely nothing back. That's exactly what The Read is.

The show is a pop culture podcast hosted by friends Kid Fury and Crissle. Each episode is composed of a few segments: "black excellence" (where the hosts shout out good news that's happening to the black community), "hot topics" (which is a discussion of what's happening in the pop culture), "listener letters" (where Kid Fury and Crissle give advice to people who write in), and the titular segment "the read" (where the hosts each rant about something that's weighing on their hearts).

But what makes the podcast so funny is that Kid Fury and Crissle will drag literally anything and everything. Passionate and irreverent, listening to The Read feels like hanging out with your friends.

 Episode to start with: Beychella

7. How Did This Get Made

Have you ever watched a movie that's so bad that you asked yourself "how the hell is this even real?!" If so, you're not alone because that is the exact subject of How Did This Get Made.

Each week, actors Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, and Jason Mantzoukas watch movies that are so bad they're amazing and talk about it. And you know that feeling you get when you watch an objectively bad movie and just spend the entire time making fun of it with your friends. That's exactly what this podcast is, for 189 episodes and counting.

Episode to start with: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

8. All Fantasy Everything

You've heard of fantasy football. Maybe even fantasy The Bachelor and fantasy RuPaul's Drag Race. But have you heard about a fantasy breakfast food draft? Or a fantasy "Mike" draft (you know, who's the best person named Mike). 

Enter All Fantasy Everything. As the name implies, the show makes a fantasy drafts out of, well, everything. Then, host Ian Karmel along with a rotating cast of guests debate each topic until a champion is crowned.

Episodes are ridiculous, unexpected, and sure to make you laugh.

Episode to start with: Fictional Detectives

9. 2 Dope Queens

If you've ever wanted to see a comedy show but don't have the time to go in person, we have three words for you: 2 Dope Queens.

The show is part standup set, part discussion podcast hosted by comedians Phoebe Robinson and Jessica Williams. In each episode the duo talk about everything from online dating to the tiny house trend, which means conversations are always fun and varied. Additionally, episodes are recorded live, giving each discussion a performative flair that'll make you feel like you're carrying around a comedy club in your pocket as you listen. 

Episode to start with: Sitting Too Close to Queen Latifah

10. Dear Hank and John

If you're a human on the internet, you probably know John Green and Hank Green, the brother duo that helped shape the YouTube world with their vlog series The Vlog Brothers. And then by launching VidCon. And then with John's hit novels The Fault In Our Stars, Turtles All The Way Down, Looking For Alaska, and more.

But did you know that the duo also has a podcast too? And it's freaking hilarious.

Dear Hank and John is an advice podcast where Hank and John attempt to answer your most absurd questions, like "what are the rules of doctor-patient small talk" and "what do I do with 23 plastic molds of my teeth." In addition those bigger advice segments, the show is chock-full of jokes hiding everywhere from their intro where they announce "the elephant in the room" to phrase of the week where each brother is challenged to sneak a phrase recommended by a listener into their conversation without the other brother noticing, which means whether you're a new listener or an old fan, you'll still find something fresh and new in each episode.

Episode to start with: Eleven Peas

11. Thirst Aid Kit

Listen, we all thirst. It's human. It's natural. And it's the topic of writer Bim Adewunmi and Nicole Perkins' show Thirst Aid Kit. 

Thirst Aid Kit is a weekly about your love, sex, and your favorite celebrity boo thangs. The podcast is unapologetically filthy, as the hosts talk about your crushes, read fan-fiction, and in general, share the thirst that we all know and feel.

Episode to start with: We Learned to Spell Jake Gyllenhaal

WATCH: Here are some things you didn't know about "Super Troopers"

[ddaddsprompts]

Idk if you're taking asks but... omegaverse!AU where the Alpha!Dads bite Omega!Dadsona to show they are mates. And imagine how the cul-de-sac and respective kids would react

To me, a bite mark is (most of the time) a permanent thing that’s basically the Omegaverse version of bonding? So that’s what I wrote it as! I hope you’ll enjoy! - Mare

Thebarbeque is already well underway by the time you dare to leave the house. Youspent a lot of time in front of the mirror, staring at the mating mark [Dad]left there and wondering whether you should cover it or not, but in the end youdecided against it. Doesn’t mean you aren’t nervous about basically letting thewhole neighbourhood know you’ve been claimed. Your hand keeps on shootingupwards to your neck, where you can feel the light imprint his teeth left inyour skin; you catch yourself doing it just as you cross the threshold toJoseph’s backyard and blush. Everyone’s enjoying the burgers, chatting andlaughing, and while they greet you, no one seems to immediately notice themating mark.

🥃 You’re surprised to see Val,but in a positive kind of way. You didn’t know she’d be there. She’s talking toMary – the two got along like chalk and cheese – but ends the conversation andwalks over to you once she notices you arrived. There’s no sight of Robert, butyou know he’s been here; the scent of his cologne, mixed with the faint scentof woods and cigarettes, lingers in the air, at least to his mated Omega. Justthinking that makes you blush again. His Omega.Val zones in on that like a shark on blood. “Y/N.” She pointedly looks you downwith an arch to her eyebrow, which nearly disappears in her hairline once hergaze falls on the mark. You nervously tug on your collar and shift your weightaround on your feet. Robert and you hadn’t talked about how you should telleveryone. He just does things, without thinking, and goes from there. Marking you had gone the same way; hejust did it in the heat of the moment, not that you really mind. You lookaround the backyard, but there’s still no sight of him. You meet Craig’s gazeand try to give him a reassuring smile, but he doesn’t look convinced. Maybeyou’re already giving off distress pheromones. It would explain why everyone issneaking glances at you. Or they spotted the mark. “Did you change yet?” Val’svoice completely catches you off-guard. She cocks her head to the side andgestures towards your neck. “Can’t decide whether it’s a vampire or a werewolfbite. Too round for wolf teeth, though. Are you craving blood?”“Only thing he’s craving is the D.” Robert, appearing out of nowhere smellinglike cigarettes, wraps an arm around your waist and clinks his glass againstVal’s. She gives him an unimpressed look. “That tiny thing? Doubt it.” Herwords startle a laugh out of you. Robert scowls.

🍸 You smile when you see Mary with thekids. They’d been at her new place the last days, so they weren’t around whenJoseph marked you. The twins are probably too young to fully understand what itmeans – their mother is a Beta, so she doesn’t have a mating bite – but Chriswill and you’re worried about his reaction. Seeing Joseph is no longer busypreparing burgers, you walk over to him. His face lights up even more when hesees you and he immediately draws you into his arms. After a chaste kiss,Joseph brings a hand up to brush over your mark. He looks downright smug aboutit. Of course, now that he drew attention to it, the others notice it too. Youalmost suspect that was his intention. “Well, well, congratulations.” For amoment, Mary’s arrival brings tension, but that thankfully disintegrates withinseconds. “I was worried Joseph wouldn’t get his act together and claim youbefore one of the other nerds snatched you up,” she says and nudges herex-husband in the side. He pouts. Something, or someone, tugs on your arm. When you look down, your eyes meetChristian’s. “What’s that thing on your neck?” Rubbing the back of your head,you get down on eye level. “You know I’m an Omega, right? Your Dad left thatmark on my neck to let everyone know we’re together. Almost like marriage.” Only permanent, you add in your head.Christian frowns, but then nods. “Okay. Christie and I found a toad, want tosee?” You take Christian’s hand and let him lead you towards the bushes. Onyour way, you pass Chris, playing with his hand-held console. He must haveoverheard the conversation, since he’s looking at your neck with an unreadableexpression. After a few seconds, he nods and turns back to his game. To you,that feels like you passed. “Where’s the… Christie, we talked about this,please let the toad go—“ 

☕ The moment Mat sees you, he walks over and greets you with a kiss onyour forehead. Then his gaze falls on your neck and he blushes. You two talkedabout the idea for a very long time. Mat’s late wife had been an Omega, too, andpart of him was unsure about ‘replacing’ her, so you didn’t press the topic. Hebrought it up just last night, saying he had come to a decision. Said decision nowgraces your neck. “Hey, baby.” You lean in for a quick kiss on the lips andwrap your arms around his torso. “Hey.” Your private moment is interrupted byBrian, who seems to be the first to spot your mark. “Congratulations,” he saysand musters it from up close. “Seems like you were the lucky guy that got thejackpot, Mat!” Part of you is annoyed at the implications, but you know Briandoesn’t mean it like that. Mat, face a deep red, mumbles his thanks. Briantakes his leave again, heading straight for Damien, Craig and Hugo, who aretalking to each other. He says something, then the four look your direction.All the attention makes you feel uncomfortable. “Hey, Y/N, are you okay?”Carmensita jogs up to you and takes your hand in hers. “You look upset.”Shaking your head, you lean down to kiss her forehead. “No, dear, don’t worry.”The angle you’re in exposes your neck, but it still takes a few moments untilCarmensita notices. She gasps and reaches up, but catches herself and drops herhand again. “Is that…?” You look at Mat, then back to her. “Yes, your Dadmarked me.” A plethora of emotions passes over her face. Maybe you should haveincluded her in your discussions about marking, you think, worried. Carmensita suddenlywraps her arms around you and buries her face in your belly. “Are you okay?” She nods. “I’m happy.” Yousmile. Mat visibly deflates in relief.

🌹 “Would you look at that that!” Hugo’s hand shoots out to steady you as youstartle so hard, you nearly fall over. “My apologies, Y/N. I didn’t mean totake you off-guard.” He turns his head to the side. As you follow his gaze, youcan see some of the dads look at you. Are you imagining things or does Josephlook disappointed? “I apologise if the question is insensitive, but… it’sDamien’s, right?” The question confuses you. You and Damien have been togetherfor a few months, so who else should have… “Gosh, Hugo, yes! I know there wassome posturing, but none of them ever approached me like that once we made ourrelationship public. They wouldn’t have…” Forceda mark on you. The mere thought makes you shudder. A warm hand comes torest on your shoulder. Your body leans into Damien’s half-embrace as he comesto stand next to you, automatic like breathing. “Are you alright, my dear?” Atyour questioning look, Damien taps his nose with a smile. Right. Since youbonded, his senses must have become even more attuned to your scent. “Congratulations,Damien,” Hugo says and shakes his friend’s hand, the one that’s not resting onyour hip. “Do you intend to host a bonding celebration?” You look at yourboyfriend in confusion. “It was custom during the Victorian age to announce one’sbonding via party. Almost like a wedding celebration, if you will. I did intendto ask you if you would be comfortable with such an event but Hugo beat me toit.” The other Alpha smiles sheepishly, then excuses himself, leaving youalone. “Only the neighbourhood. We don’t have to. I just thought it would be—“You interrupt him with a kiss. As always, the public display of affection makeshim blush. “It would be nice, yes. Let’s do that.” Damien smiles and presses akiss on your forehead. “Ugh, gross,” Lucien huffs out. He tries to hide itbehind his phone, but you can see him smile.

🎣 Not a second passes before Brian is at yourside. He lifts you into his arms and hugs you tightly. “How is my Omega doing?” He says that loudenough for Craig and Robert, standing close, to hear. Craig puts aside hisplate, walks up to you and pulls you into a hug. “Congrats, bro! Congrats,Brian!” Brian returns the bro-fist and grins. “Thanks, Craig.” You notice thenoise has died down a little and that everyone is now looking at you. Some ofthe gazes, you realise, hold undertones of disappointment. Wait, where didRobert go? Wasn’t he just… Confused, you look around, but there’s no sight ofhim. Shrugging, you turn your attention back to your boyfriend. Only toinstantly regret that decision as he’s now bragging about you to the more orless willing audience of Joseph, Mat, Craig and Damien. You extract yourselffrom the group and walk over to the table, where the food everyone brought isexpertly arranged in bowls and on plates. You’re torn between several optionsand so lost in thought, you don’t notice Daisy joining you until she tugs onyour arm. “Is it true?” Brian just marked you last night, when Daisy was overat a friend’s place for a sleepover, and since today is a school day, that’sthe first time you see each other since then. Instead of replying, you tiltyour neck to let her see. Daisy beams. “Are you okay with that, Daisy? I knowwe should have asked you first, but it was a spontaneous thing and— Oof!” Shereleases you from her hug after a few moments, shuffling on her feet andblushing. “I’m okay with that, Mister Y/N. I’m happy for you and Dad.” Hearinghis ‘name’ apparently summoned Brian, as he’s suddenly behind you and sweepsyou and Daisy into a group-hug. He looks so proud and happy, you can’t help butgrin too.

👟 At the sight of Hazel and Briar chasingCarmensita around the yard, you feel something heavy settle in your stomach.They were happy when you and Craig told them about your relationship, but thatdoesn’t guarantee they’ll be happy about him having marked you. Joseph doesn’tserve anything harder than beer, but you could really need a glass of liquidcourage right now. Mac ‘n cheese would have to do; you load a large scoop ofcheesy glory on your plate. “Bro, do you know how unhealthy that is?” You don’tbother turning around, not that you could have, with Craig’s strong, largehands settling on your hips. “Do you know how little I care, Craigory?”“Ouch, that hurt.” He bends down to kiss your neck. His breath ghosts over themark, making you shiver. He tightens his grip a little, pulls you closer andpresses his lips against the mark, just like he did when—“Ew, gross!” You pullapart immediately. In your embarrassment, you’re too slow to stop Hazel fromstealing some of your food. At Craig’s look, she shrugs. “Compensation forhaving to witness that?” Craig thinks about it, but then nods. “Accepted.”It doesn’t surprise you that Briar’s the first to notice, since her sister isbusy trying to sneakily eat more mac ‘n cheese. “Is that a bite mark?” Youpause, mid-eating, giving Hazel the chance to steal your fork with a maniacallaugh. You’re proud of her. “Yes,” Craig replies in your stead. “I, um… markedhim.” The twins look confused, but then understanding dawns on Hazel’s face. “Youmarked-marked him?!” Her tone ofvoice makes you tense up. You brace yourself for a pre-teen explosion, so whenthey only smile and offer you their fists, you blink and numbly fist-bump them.Suddenly, the two launch themselves at you. It’s only thanks to Craig’sintervention that you don’t fall. “Still gross, but cool.” Briar tiptoes andtaps your nose. “You’re it.” They run away from you before you can protest.With an exasperated look at your boyfriend, you run after them.

📖 It doesn’t take long for someone to notice. That someone is Robert, whogrunts then turns his attention back to his whiskey. Well, you think, that wasn’tvery spectacular. You search the garden for Hugo. He’s talking to Joseph aboutbook recommendations when you walk over; he briefly pauses to kiss your cheek butcontinues explaining. The topic doesn’t interest you that much so you decide tomake yourself useful. You take an empty bowl of salad and walk into the kitchento fill it again. A faint smell of smoke catches your attention. You frown andsearch for the source, finding it in Ernest who’s sitting on the couch, vaping.Though you doubt Joseph allowed him that, you don’t scold or lecture him; youjust say hello. He whips around, probably to tell you to get lost, but hismouth falls closed again. His gaze is fixed on your mark with such intention,it makes you squirm. “Ernest?” Your voice seems to pull him back to reality. Helooks away and your breath hitches. You’ve never seen him look so young andvulnerable. Without thinking, you walk over and put your hand on his shoulder.He doesn’t shake it off as you expected, but leans into the touch a little. Yousilently thank evolution for giving Omegas a calming aura. “Are you okay?” Youask quietly. Ernest doesn’t reply immediately, but takes a few moments. “ThatHugo’s?” When you nod, he meets your gaze. “Thanks, Y/N.” The next second, thespell is broken. He pushes off your hand, his face closed-off again. “Now leaveme the fuck alone.” Perplexed, you only nod and do as he says. The change intone still confuses you even as you walk back outside and put down the salad bowl.“I apologise for ignoring you before. Joseph needed some advice,” Hugo says,leaning down to kiss you. “Is something wrong, Y/N?” Briefly, you considertelling him about the encounter. But you shake your head. “No, nothing.”

[acsversace-news]

As we’ve discussed, people are not born sociopaths. They are made. And it generally happens in early childhood. It’s a humbling thing for a well-meaning but fallible parent to contemplate, and the idea at the core of “Creator/Destroyer” from the first minutes, in which we see young Gianni Versace in his mother’s dress shop in Calabria, watching her work and sketching. It’s not… well, it’s not entirely a “boy” thing to do in midcentury Calabria. Potentially the kind of thing a conservative parent would try to quash.

Instead, his mother (Francesca Franti) teaches him her trade. Boys in school pick on him for being queer and his teacher tears up his sketches, but his mother promises her support in whatever he wants to be and do—and she means it. When he reports that the teacher has called him a pervert, she quietly reassembles the torn pieces of his sketch and says, “It’s beautiful,” then proceeds to show him how to make it.

And that is one big reason why Gianni Versace grows up to be Gianni Versace, and Andrew Cunanan (Darren Criss) grows up to be a fraud, a pathological liar and a spree killer enraged by men who have earned respect for their work.

We cut to 1980 San Diego, where the Cunanan family is loading a moving van under the direction of Andrew’s father, Modesto (Jon Jon Briones), a man whose ego issues are apparent from the first frame. The rest of the kids are sweating in the heat while Modesto bombasts about how he will turn the $500 they would have paid for professional movers into $10,000. Meanwhile, Andrew’s upstairs reading Brideshead Revisited. They arrive at, well, let’s say a bit of an upgrade from their previous digs, a huge, white suburban house, and Modesto leaves his three other children and his wife to unpack while he takes “Prince Andrew,” who is blatantly and toxically favored by Dad, into the house for a private grand tour.

Interestingly, Andrew hadn’t been lying about his parents giving him the master bedroom. One of the weirdest details in his bizarre spiel to David Madson was actually true. Modesto says he’s giving the bedroom to Andrew because “When you feel special, success will follow.”

There it is, in a nutshell. One child is told to “feel special,” while the other is guided through the concept of “special” being something you work your ass off for, for years. One is taught empty entitlement; one is given tools.

It gets creepier. Modesto and Andrew get dressed side by side, each laying out their suits and attending to every fussy little detail while staring at their reflections in a closet door mirror (more Narcissus imagery). Andrew goes to a school interview while Modesto does the same at the local branch of Merrill Lynch (so there’s some truth to that, too—sort of). While Modesto goes on like a used car salesman about having come from nothing and pulled himself up by the bootstraps (obviously a superior recommendation to a degree from Harvard), Andrew’s interviewers ask him what he’d choose if he could have one wish. He rattles off a list of cars and assets; the question is re-asked and he answers simply, “To be special.”

Modesto gets the job. Now we know where Andrew’s recurring Lobster Dinner motif comes from. And we get a flash of how Mary Anne (Joanna Adler) became… a bit off. Modesto’s a wee bit of a gaslighter—show of hands, who’s surprised?—as well as a Big Fat Liar at work—again, surprised? He interrupts Andrew and his mom trying to do homework together because he’s bought Andrew a car (Andrew is about twelve and has several older siblings whom Modesto basically ignores). Mary Ann protests that it isn’t fair to the other kids, who are actually old enough to drive, and Modesto calls her crazy again, and grabs her by the throat and throws her to the ground while Andrew watches. Modesto tells Andrew that his brother and sisters aren’t “special” and that his mother has a weak mind and that Modesto is his mother and his father. As Mary Anne dusts herself off and approaches the car, Modesto puts the window up, so her face is reflected in the glass, with Andrew and Dad enclosed on the other side. Andrew mentions wanting to be a writer. Dad says it’s better to be “an opportunist.”

We cut to 1987, when a decidedly queenly Andrew sashays out of that car and into a yearbook portrait session, where he gets called a “fag” for increasingly loud protests over the uniforms and identical poses. “If being a fag means being different,” he says to the jock who’s insulted him, “sign me up!” He marches to the front of the line, unbuttons his shirt, and strikes a campy pose.

Oh, and Modesto’s not at Merrill Lynch any more. He’s doing “trades” from a seedy office in a strip mall. And he seems to be ripping off little old ladies. Hmm.

Andrew’s mom can tell from his cologne that he’s seeing someone: “Who is she?”

“What would you say if I said she was over 30?”

Mary Anne says a young man should be with an older woman, who will teach him to be a man. Andrew goes upstairs and dresses for his date. The date’s definitely over 30, and doesn’t appreciate being brought to a high school house party because he’s married and can’t be seen out with Andrew like that. So Andrew goes to the party alone, tossing aside his trench coat and swaggering into the party in a tomato-red leather jumpsuit. This definitely clears him a lot of space on the dance floor, and also attracts the attention of the delinquent house sitter who’s hosting the party. Hey, Lizzie! (Annaleigh Ashford). She takes to him at once and confides that she’s not a high school student but a bored housewife who promised the owners-—he daSilvas— that she’d watch their place while they were out of town.

So Andrew has now made one of the two closest things to an actual friend he’ll ever have (Jeff Trail will be the other). Meanwhile, the stockbrokers are on to Modesto that he’s been conning little old ladies over fake stocks. The feds are involved. Modesto runs for it, pretty literally—he’s still in the building when the FBI shows up.

Andrew’s senior yearbook page is captioned, “Apres moi, le deluge.”

“I dunno, it just sounded sorta cool,” he says to a classmate of the enigmatic words, attributed to Louis XV and/or Madame Pompadour.

Meanwhile, Modesto runs home, pries open a floorboard, removes cash and passports, knocks his wife out of the way and flees. Andrew pulls up just in time to see Dad jumping a fence. “Don’t believe a word they say,” he says to his son, and takes the car keys from his hand.

Mom tells Andrew they have nothing left, that Modesto had even secretly sold the house because he knew they were coming for him. Andrew decides to go to Manila to track him down, over Mary Anne’s hysterical protests. “He’s dangerous!” she screams, and Andrew puts his hand over her mouth.

“You’re wrong about him.”

Gaslighters are interesting folks, folks. Here’s a kid who has grown up watching his father mentally and physically abuse his mother, and when she says he’s dangerous, he disagrees.

He finds his father in his home village outside Manila, staying with an uncle Andrew’s never met. No, there is no money, and no plan; yes, he defrauded and stole. Modesto never stops defending his actions. Andrew loses it.

“You’re a lie! And if you’re a lie, I’m a lie, and I can’t be a lie!”

Spoiler alert: That ends up not being strictly true.

Modesto’s response? “You’re weak, just like your mother.” Spits on him. Says he’s ashamed of him. Calls him a sissy. Andrew jumps up with a knife in his hand (He’s been chopping pineapple with it) and Modesto dares him to use it. Instead, he just grips the blade until it cuts through his palm.

“You don’t have it in you,” Modesto sneers. One wonders, had his father not said that sentence, whether any of what happened afterward might have been different. See, being a narcissist-sociopath-psychopath involves total dependency on the projections of others. If they say you’re nothing, you’re nothing. If they taunt you to prove them wrong, you’ll do it.

We use the word “ego” almost as if we’re describing a character flaw. In fact, the literal translation of the word is “I am.” To be completely egoless might be the ostensible aim of some religious philosophies, but there’s a big difference between relinquishing one and never developing one in the first place. People with broken or empty or malformed egos are miserable and very often highly dangerous. This episode is basically a primer on how to build a human being with no stable idea of who he is. The pressure of that instability is like the seismic buildup between tectonic plates in a subduction zone. The longer the pressure builds, the more catastrophic the quake’s going to be when the ground finally gives way.

Andrew comes home and applies for the job at the pharmacy, telling the elderly Filipino proprietor about his dad in in Manila running pineapple plantations. “Is that so?” the man says, a bit skeptically.

Cunanan’s eyes are dead as a fish’s. “As far as the eye can see.”

[christinegphillips]

How To Stand Up For Yourself And Be Assertive

Today we are going to talk about how to stand up for yourself in life. This page will cover the audio above, the transcript and then we will discuss further tips,frequently asked questions about standing up for yourself further down the page.

Stand Up For Yourself Transcript

0 (1s): Hi there and welcome to the podcast for changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, your host talking. And today we are going to talk about how to stand up for yourself because I’m sure everybody, at some point in time, has kinda felt as if there either being bullied or their doing something that they don’t want to do, or they are having a conversation that isn’t going their way and trying to be assertive and dealing with it in the right way is really difficult. But if you don’t stand up for yourself, the problem is is you kinda become weaker inside to the point that you probably go away and you will be unhappy with the situation and it won’t resolve itself.

0 (42s): And the situation will probably get worse, but you don’t have to be rude when you are standing up for yourself, you have to be assertive. So you have to make sure, first of all, that you listen to what that person is saying. And then you need to think before you speak, when you deliver your message to them, because otherwise, what you’ll find is, when somebody’s talking to you, when they are not happy with you, when it is a confrontation, they will say all sorts of different things.

0 (1m 13s): And if you get sucked into that conversation, you will end up retaliating, getting your back up and probably, either acting aggressively or saying the wrong things. So its really important that you listen to what that person is actually talking to you about then work out, whether it is something that is something that you’ve done or it’s something that they’ve done. As an example, I had a young lady working for me and she was under so much pressure at work and she thought the program manager was being rude.

0 (1m 47s): She didn’t think she was doing a good job. And she got herself really, really upset. And when I spoke too her, I said have an appointment with the program manager sit her down and just tell her how you feel, tell her how its making you feel the way that she is treating you and as a result of that. What happened was the program manager was actually in agony, she had a really bad back injury and unfortunately the drugs, they were taking weren’t working very well. So she was just being abrupt and she was being a little bit ruder than she would normally would be.

Stand Up For Yourself – Photo by Castorly Stock from Pexels

0 (2m 22s): But after that, because this lady had pointed it out to the program manager, the program manager then obviously started to behave in a much better way. So if you deal with things like that in a sensible way, then you will find that the solution is much better and talking to people, working things out without getting irate without getting agitated, without doing a tit for tat conversation, then things do get better, but you cannot just sit there and let people walk all over you.

0 (2m 57s): Unless you know, some people say kindness is weakness, kindness is not a weakness, kindness is the best gift that you can bestow upon anybody, but where kindness does become a problem is when you do not stand up for yourself and that is if people are taking advantage of your good nature, if they are not being polite, if they are not helping you, if they’re not giving back and that’s where you do need to stand up for yourself and it could be to stand up for yourself, with your parents, with bullies, with lots of different scenarios at work, but don’t let it lie.

0 (3m 34s): The best thing to do is to have confidence in who you are and confidence we’ve talked about before you build confidence up by being positive about your own persona, being happy with who you are and the way that you respond to situations and being a good and empathetic person. And by being empathic, that means that you’ve put yourself in that other person’s shoes. You look at the conversation from their perspective before you stand up to them.

0 (4m 6s): But sometimes conversation’s as well. You will get to the point where you do have a disagreement. You do have a stalemate. You can not move forward with it and in that case, you, you still stand up for yourself, but you agree with that party to disagree on that, but move forward because as adults, as we move through life, we’re gonna come across people that treat us badly, that treat us in a way that we’re not happy with. And if we don’t stand up for ourselves then we’re gonna get walked over. We’re not gonna have our points of view, we’re not going to be able to say what we need to.

0 (4m 41s): But you need to deal with it in a really professional and sensible way, which means tackling it when you’ve got time to think about it properly, that you’ve got clarity of mind. So that you’re saying the right things, you’re doing, the right things. Your not being aggressive, but you’re just talking to that person about how that situation makes you feel and I guarantee on the majority of occasion’s most people just snap. Their under stress. They are having a bad day.

0 (5m 11s): There is a misunderstanding or they haven’t listen properly. And if you take the time to discuss it with them, if it turns out that they are just a knob, then you need to walk away from them. If they don’t understand where you’re coming from, and you put across, your points of view in a really calm and clear way, and they don’t understand it, then walk away from them because sometimes you can’t argue with stupid and that’s something that my wife says, not to me, but you know, in previous experiences and its very, very true because when somebody doesn’t see your point of view, when somebody wants to dominate you, when somebody wants to make you feel bad about yourself, that’s them trying to control you.

0 (5m 55s): And you should never let anybody control. You should be your own person. You should deal with that. And as another example, I worked for a big insurance company once and I was a manager of one of the sites and I went on holiday. They put somebody in to replace me, but they never did all the reports. And while I was away. So when I went to the management meeting just before Christmas, the managing director told me that my reports haven’t been submitted. So he’s gonna deduct 40% of my pay.

0 (6m 26s): And I was like, hold on a minute. I wasn’t even there. I didn’t, I didn’t have anything to do with that. You put this person in and they said, no, no. We’re going to deduct 40% of your pay. And I was livid. So rather than let it lie, I did stand up for myself. And I wrote the CIO, a letter to say that it was actually against the law to take money out of my account. It didn’t turn out well, to be honest, what happened then was a, I got a phone call from the managing director. I got sacked on the spot.

0 (6m 56s): Then I got a phone call from the regional manager saying I wasn’t sacked and I could go back in to the office. Then the regional manager come round and started giving me written warnings and verbal warnings about dust on the photocopier and all sorts of things and the end I had to leave the job. There was no way that I would accept being bullied by this person who was just being completely irrational and completely un-understanding. So sometimes you do have to walk away.

0 (7m 27s): Sometimes you can’t win these conversations, but if you don’t stand up for yourself, you will become a mouse. So you need to raise your shoulders, walk around, be confident in yourself. Be Assertive, don’t take crap from people unless they’ve got something to say and it is relevant and you’ve been an idiot and you have been silly and you have done the wrong things. And then you need to look at it from their perspective, from your perspective and use that to grow as a person and become a better person as a result of that, because we all do wrong things.

0 (8m 1s): We all make mistakes in life, but you really do need to stand up for yourself. And my dad always told me when I was the kid and don’t do this yourself. Okay. But when we were younger, obviously things were a bit different at schools and stuff, generally you sorted things out with your fists rather than anything else was completely the wrong way to do it. But my dad always taught me to stand up for myself. And if someone bullied me was just to have a pop at them first, because bullies pick on people that they think they can take advantage of that they think aren’t confident and assertive enough to be able to deal with it.

0 (8m 38s): And they will continue to do that. They wouldn’t walk up to the most confident, assertive person and bully them because they know they wouldn’t win, or they know that they would be in for a challenge. So when you are assertive, when you are calm and you talk to people about the situation understand what’s happening, deal with it in a, in a sensible way, then you can come out with a good solution to the problem. But you do and always have to stand up for yourself.

My Top Tips On Standing Up For Yourself

Don’t be scared – The likelyhood is that if someone causes you to have to stick up for yourself then you will feel like it has put you in a bad position. Just don’t let those intrusive thoughts put you off, just approach them in calm manner, take deep breaths and wait for them to finish talking. Then think about you are going to say but be clear and make sure that you get your point across.

Take your time – don’t let anyone suck you into an argument straight away. If you need too ask the person if you can come back to them on that as you would like to think about it. When we react to things, we generally say or do the wrong thing. It is always better to have clarity of mind and come out with a good story when sticking up for yourself.

Be courageous – Know that if you don’t stand up for yourself that you will be walked over. People will back down when you speak up for yourself. Hopefully you will also point out that they were wrong and that they should have approached it in a better way. Pluck up the courage to be that strong person that you are.

Believe this will make you stronger – Learning about ourselves is a really important part of self development and when you learn to speak up for yourself, you will have a voice. People will listen and you will adapt your behavior to fit in as you find out more about who you are as a person too. Every conversation we have can be taken in a different way by everyone that is listening. Some people will only get half of the picture because they were not listening properly in the first place. So become a strong person and get your view point across.

Learn to say no – If you disagree with something that someone has said. Learn to say no, I don’t agree with you. We should all be able to have discussions rather than arguments and if you can come to an agreement between you. Then you are much better placed than creating an argument or simply leaving things.

Have confidence in yourself – Learning to value yourself as a person will also give you the confidence in your voice. I have a clear definition that i am always kind to everyone. This is not a weakness but i know that i have done everything I can to be a great husband, father, work colleague. So if someone does argue with me it is normally them that has the hump and not me. It is so much easier to stand up for myself when I am doing all the right things in the first place. Yes sometimes i can be an idiot too and I accept that but when someone stands up to you too, that is your opportunity to be empathic and see the story from their side as well.

Don’t be a hypocrite – If you have a habit yourself of pushing someone around or dominating them, then you cannot complain if someone does this to you. Karma has a way of coming around and giving you the same treatment. So if you want to speak up for yourself, then encourage other people around to do the same too.

Situations Where You Might Have To Speak Up For Yourself

Against bullies – There are bullies everywhere to be honest with you and learning to deal with this is an important part of life. Unfortunately we cannot get away from these critters. The best thing here is to report their behavior and let someone else correct it. It is likely that they might not see your point of view at all, it is always worth trying but if they continue their behavior. Then report them to the right person and do not put up with it.

Against parents – We all have run ins with our parents. We go through stages were we think they do not understand us and they don’t care. Generally this is not true and they will be looking out for you. Again sit down and talk calmly with your parents and let them know how you are feeling about things. Ask their advice and take their advice, but you will never know what it is like as a parent until you become one yourself. So look after each other and learn to discuss things rather than get into arguments.

In a relationship – Relationships are meant to be great and yes sometimes you will have disagrements on things. Again if you love each other then you will see eye to eye eventually. However if you are being bullied or not listened to by your partner, then you do have to stand up and speak up for yourself. If you don’t then you will just stack up issues against each other and then one day you will burst and say everything you wanted to say. It is okay to disagree with people but you have to have decent conversations and agreements to move forward to make things work out properly.

In school – This is a hard one because kids can be cruel. They will be even crueler however if you allow them to pick you and don’t stand up for yourself along the way. You don;t have to be rude or cause problems here though, take the person to one side and tell them how this situation makes you feel. I am sure if someone was doing it to them then they wouldn’t like it either. If they continue to be horrible then report them and at least you have given them warning here.

To your boss – This can be difficult but your boss is no different than anyone else. So you need to approach this with tact and also make sure that there are no flies on you either. If your boss is giving you trouble because you aren’t doing your work, then that is a very different problem than them being rude to you. If it is the latter again sit down with them and tell them how you feel and how can you resolve the issue for the best result for both parties. Hopefully they should listen and by speak up for yourself, you will have at least tried to resolve it, rather than it rearing it’s head again in the future.

Frequently Asked Questions About Sticking Up For Yourself

What to say when standing up for yourself? This will change based on circumstances. What I do is. I ask the person to repeat what it was that they said. This allows them and I to understand exactly what the problem is in the first place. It might be just a misunderstanding or it could be that the person is being rude or acting in a way that requires me to speak up. So verify the conversation and have a discussion over it to see whether you can see common ground. If the person is trying to pursuade you in a way that you do not agree with, then tell them that. Let them know why you don’t agree and how it makes you feel. Also understand why they are asking in the first place however too. Everything we do in life will take some type of negotiation and you with practice you will learn the right things to say without being rude.

How do you be assertive whilst standing up for yourself? Tell the person NO that this is not what you want and the reason behind it. You don’t have to be rude but if you do not believe the situation is true then get your point across in a calm and well mannered way. Sometimes we get our own backs up first before really listening, so if you fully understand the situation then saying NO can be a good thing to do. Do not let people walk over you and make sure that they are aware that they have disgruntled you and why. Again you don’t have to be rude, but just say. Hi did you really mean to say that in that way, because this is how I took it.

How do I stand up for myself as a guy? This is the same for everyone to be honest. Guy or girl, we all need to speak up and not get walked over.

What happens when you to stand up to a narcissist? The likelyhood is that they will continue to argue with you. They might be up and down at times and agree with you sometimes and not others. This is more reason to get your point across and speak up, otherwise they may take advantage of you and the situation.

Why is it so hard for me to stand up for myself? Becasue sometimes we lack confidence and it is hard when someone is beating on you. The more you get used to doing it however, the easier it becomes. You just have to muster up the courage to stop the conversation and steer it in the right direction. I don’t take anything personally from anyone because generally their opinion doesn’t matter and as I said if you are kind and considerate to people, it is generally them that feels a fool in the end anyway.

How do I stop being a pushover? Learn to be more confident and take baby steps towards speaking up. It is a good thing to do to look after yourself, so don’t let people take advanatge of you. Believe that you are worth more than that and the way they are viewing you is wrong. Give unconditionally but don’t expect anything back and just be kind. Be happy in your own mind, unless someone is paying your bills, is your child or spouse then you shouldn’t let anyone push you over.

How do i speak for myself without being rude? You think about what you need to say and approach it in a calm and collected manner. You keep your cool and explain yourself in a way that gives the other person your viewpoint without attacking them or pointing out that they are wrong. When we get into tat for tat conversations they aren’t healthy. But if you adopt a calm approach to just expressing your feelings, you allow the other person to do the same too.

So that is everything I have to say on standing up for yourself today. If you want to improve your life, see it in a different way and learn to speak up for yourself. Then please do join my transformation program below and we can have a laugh along the way too.

Wishing you all the very best in your future Scott

How To Stand Up For Yourself And Be Assertive published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

[celebritylive]

Johnny Galecki is hoping to see pink very soon!

One week after Galecki, 43, and his girlfriend Alaina Meyer confirmed they were expecting their first child, the Big Bang Theory star appeared on The Talk, where he opened up about his little bundle of joy on the way.

As he chatted with the hosts, Galecki was asked about his bright pink nails and whether the color was any indication of his upcoming child’s sex. Despite the choice being mostly about superstitions, Galecki revealed he was secretly hoping for a daughter.

“I get a little bored looking exactly the same way for 9 and a half months every year playing Leonard,” he said of his Big Bang character. “So we wrapped and I threw some blue in my hair, then I got superstitious that I was manifesting a boy, when I kind of prefer a girl.”

Catching himself, the actor added, “Don’t play this tape for my child years from now!”

“So, I painted my nails pink to try to even out the energy there,” he finished, noting that his baby’s health was the most important thing to him.

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Want all the latest pregnancy and birth announcements, plus celebrity mom blogs? Click here to get those and more in the PEOPLE Babies newsletter.

While on the show, cohost Sara Gilbert also shared a funny story about how Galecki revealed to her that his girlfriend was expecting at the Big Bang Theory‘s finale wrap party.

“I’m sitting with Johnny and his girlfriend … and he’s like, ‘I gotta tell you, we’re expecting a baby,” Gilbert recalled. “When he said that, I burst into tears, so tears are coming down my face … and Stephanie, sees me and she walks up and says, ‘I know, isn’t it so sad that the show is ending?'”

“And I couldn’t say anything, so I was like, ‘Oh yes, yes,'” Gilbert, 44, added.

RELATED: Bazinga! Big Bang Theory‘s Johnny Galecki and Girlfriend Alaina Meyer Expecting First Child

Last week, PEOPLE exclusively confirmed that the actor, who has been on the Big Bang Theory for over a decade, and his girlfriend, 21, were expecting their first child together.

“We are absolutely over the moon to announce that we will soon be welcoming a little one into this crazy and wonderful world,” the couple told PEOPLE.

“We ask that you please respect our privacy during this celebratory time for us and our families. There truly is love out there for all. We hope ours is the ember of yours, as we feel yours is the ember of ours,” Galecki and Meyer added.

RELATED: Johnny Galecki and Girlfriend Make Red Carpet Debut as a Couple at People’s Choice Awards

The pair went public with their romance in September 2018 and made their awards show debut in November at the E! People’s Choice Awards 2018 in Santa Monica.

Then in December of that same year, Meyer shut down engagement rumors after fans speculated their relationship status on Instagram.

Galecki had shared a photo to Instagram of himself and Meyer with their arms wrapped around each other and both wearing rings on their ring fingers.

While the bands spurred speculation among some of Galecki’s fans that the two could be married — “I see matching rings,” said one Instagram user, while another commented, “Are you married???” — Meyer set the record straight.

Posting the same photo that her boyfriend shared, Meyer captioned the image,  “#notmarried.”

View this post on Instagram

Happy birthday to this miraculous man! I feel so lucky every day I get to wake up with him. I love you mister

A post shared by Alaina Marie Avery Meyer (@alainamariemeyer) on Apr 30, 2019 at 10:46am PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

While Galecki is over the moon about his baby on the way, don’t expect his Big Bang character to be a dad as well.

During the current 12th and final season, Leonard and wife Penny (Kaley Cuoco) have had discussions about raising a family together. However, during the “The Paintball Scattering” episode, Leonard tells Stuart (Kevin Sussman) that he’s terrified about pushing Penny to have a kid (something she has said she doesn’t want) and subsequently her ending their relationship.

With the risk of losing Penny, Leonard told his wife that he’s changed his mind on wanting to have a baby with her.

The Big Bang Theory‘s two-part series finale airs May 16 at 8 p.m. EST on CBS.

from PEOPLE.com http://bit.ly/2Yf4Hs8

[harryandmeghan0-blog]

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry wedding drama FAQ: All the gossip you really want to know - The Washington Post

New Post has been published on https://harryandmeghan.xyz/meghan-markle-and-prince-harry-wedding-drama-faq-all-the-gossip-you-really-want-to-know-the-washington-post/

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry wedding drama FAQ: All the gossip you really want to know - The Washington Post

Emily Yahr

Style reporter covering pop culture and entertainment

May 17, 2018

On Saturday, Prince Harry, 33, and Meghan Markle, 36, will wed at St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle in a ceremony officiated by . . . sorry, we almost fell asleep there. We know all those details. You know what’s much more fun to discuss than wedding logistics? Wedding drama.

And unlike many royal weddings, there has been no shortage of it, especially in the last week. Here’s all the gossip leading up to the year’s most anticipated nuptials:

What’s up with Meghan’s dad?

Thomas Markle Sr., 73, used to work as a TV lighting director and cinematographer and has since retired to Mexico. Much has been made of Meghan’s relationship with her dad, as he and her mom divorced when Meghan was 6. Thomas has never met Harry, but they’ve reportedly spoken by phone. An “insider” recently told People magazine, “Like any father-daughter relationship, there have been ups and downs over the years. But they are in a good place now.”

Then it gets confusing. In early May, Meghan’s half-brother (more about him later) sent a nasty letter to Harry, imploring him not to marry Meghan and calling it “the biggest mistake in wedding history.” The letter, obtained by In Touch magazine, claimed Meghan’s father had not received an invitation to the wedding. However, the palace released a statement at the time confirming that Thomas would walk his daughter down the aisle. So that was weird.

However, things fell apart this week when it was revealed that Thomas Sr. had been working with the paparazzi to stage photos of himself: Reading a book on Great Britain, getting fitted for a suit, etc. This did not go over well, as the palace had chastised the media for badgering him. On Monday, Thomas told TMZ that he regretted the photos, saying they were “stupid and hammy,” and said he would not be attending the wedding because of a recent heart attack. A day later, he changed his mind and said he would love to go. Then, he contacted TMZ once more to say that he had to undergo heart surgery on Wednesday, and he would officially not be attending.

Early in the week, the palace sidestepped commenting on this mess, as a spokesperson simply said, “This is a deeply personal moment for Ms. Markle in the days before her wedding. She and Prince Harry ask again for understanding and respect to be extended to Mr. Markle in this difficult situation.”

On Thursday, Markle finally weighed in: “Sadly, my father will not be attending our wedding. I have always cared for my father and hope he can be given the space he needs to focus on his health. I would like to thank everyone who has offered generous messages of support. Please know how much Harry and I look forward to sharing our special day with you on Saturday.”

(Chris Jackson/Pool/Reuters)

And what’s up with her half-sister?

Samantha Markle, 53, is Thomas Sr.’s daughter from his first marriage and lives in Florida with her three kids. She made headlines early in Meghan and Harry’s relationship when it was reported she was penning a tell-all memoir called “The Diary of Princess Pushy’s Sister.” (The two reportedly haven’t spoken in years.) Samantha also trashed her half-sister in interviews, calling her a “shallow social climber” only interested in fame. Later, she changed her tune, saying Meghan was “absolutely lovely.”

So guess who wasn’t invited to the wedding? Plus, Samantha admitted this week she was the one who persuaded their father to take those staged pictures, thinking it would help improve his image. This earned her a dressing-down from TV host Piers Morgan, who called her a “little vulture.”

Why did Meghan’s half-brother write such a cruel letter to Harry?

It’s unclear — maybe Thomas Jr., 50 (Thomas Sr.’s son from his first marriage) was upset that he was left off the wedding guest list? “Meghan Markle is obviously not the right woman for you,” he wrote to Harry, adding his half-sister was a “jaded, shallow, conceited woman that will make a joke of you and the royal family heritage.” Thomas Jr. later appeared to regret this, as he gave a follow-up letter to In Touch in which he begged Meghan for a wedding invitation, trying to guilt her with the line, “We are all still family.” We’re guessing that it did not work.

However, Thomas Jr.’s ex-wife, Tracy, and their sons, Tyler and Thomas, did not let that deter them — they recently landed in London, where they’ll be acting as wedding correspondents for “Good Morning Britain.”

Meghan Markle watches the closing ceremonies of the Invictus Games with her mother, Doria Ragland, in Toronto last year. (Nathan Denette/The Canadian Press/AP)

What about her mom?

Doria Ragland, 61, is a yoga instructor and social worker. Meghan is her only child, and they’re extremely close. Before the engagement, she met Harry, who proclaimed her “amazing.” Tabloids reported that Doria, who lives in Los Angeles, recently quit her job at a mental health clinic. (Hmmm, could she be moving out of the country sometime in the future?) It has been speculated that Doria could walk her daughter down the aisle. (Update: Prince Charles is actually going to do it.) Either way, she arrived in London earlier this week to spend time with Meghan and meet the royal family.

Is her ex-husband really producing a TV show based on their relationship?

Meghan married film producer Trevor Engelson in 2011; they split two years later. In September 2017, Deadline reported that Engelson was shopping a fictional TV comedy with the description: “Divorce is hard. Sharing custody is harder. Sharing custody with the British Royal family when your wife marries a prince, in the unforgiving spotlight of London’s tabloid media, is next level.” Hmmm. The idea was apparently sparked when Engelson and another producer were talking about what could have happened if he and Meghan had kids.

However, the Sun recently reported that Engelson, after being persuaded by Meghan and some mutual friends, has put the project on hold — for now.

Is there any drama on Harry’s side of the family?

Have you seen “The Crown”? You have? Good. That’s probably all the intense Windsor drama you’re going to get. Because Harry and Meghan limited the size of their guest list — it still includes 600 people, so everyone can chill — some distant relatives who were invited to William’s wedding were not invited to Harry’s. The royals are trained in remaining tight-lipped about most drama, of course, so we don’t know whether these minor snubs have caused any problems.

What’s up with those rumors about Meghan and Kate feuding?

Meghan’s eloquence and openness have earned her comparisons to Harry’s late mother, Princess Diana, often called the “People’s Princess.” Several tabloids report Kate is jealous of this comparison and Meghan’s overall popularity with the family and public.

But some rumors are simply rumors, friends, as Meghan and Kate have shown no signs of fighting — in public, at least. They both attended a Royal Foundation event with their significant others in February, during which the foursome were asked whether they ever disagree.

William replied, “Ohhh, yes,” according to Vanity Fair. Harry elaborated: “I think it’s really good we have got four different personalities and we all have that same passion to make a difference. We have different opinions and they work really well [together].” He then noted that they are all “stuck together for the rest of our lives,” to which Meghan added, “Togetherness at its finest.”

Prince Harry, Meghan Markle and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, attend the first annual Royal Foundation Forum. (Chris Jackson/AFP/Getty Images)

What roles will William and Kate have in the wedding?

A few months after William said his younger brother had not yet asked him to be his best man — “It could be a sensitive subject,” he joked on a radio show — Kensington Palace announced that William would, in fact, return the favor that Harry did for him in 2011. Kate probably won’t have a formal role during the ceremony, according to a Vanity Fair source who said Meghan and Harry “just want Kate to be able to enjoy the day and not worry about anything.” William and Kate’s older children, George and Charlotte, will be in the wedding party, while young Louis will stay at home.

[Little royals George and Charlotte threaten to upstage everyone else at Uncle Harry’s wedding]

Are Harry’s exes invited to the wedding?

Probably! Harry is said to be on good terms with Cressida Bonas, whom he dated for two years, and Chelsy Davy, whom he dated on-and-off for seven. There’s also precedent: Several of William’s exes attended his wedding, and Prince Charles’s then-ex-girlfriend — now his wife, Duchess Camilla — attended his to Diana.

Which celebrities will be there?

Never forget that before she ascended to royalty, Meghan was a mere Hollywood celebrity. Several actors from “Suits,” the USA network legal drama that propelled her to fame, are expected to attend the ceremony: Gabriel Macht, Patrick J. Adams, Sarah Rafferty, Gina Torres and Rick Hoffman. All five Spice Girls — British royalty in their own right — likely will, too, along with Meghan’s pals Priyanka Chopra and Serena Williams. Despite their friendship with Harry, Barack and Michelle Obama will not be present.

Read more:

Meghan Markle, Prince Harry’s bride: A ‘confident mixed-race woman’ marries into the royal family

What to expect from Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s royal wedding 

Meghan Markle is officially done with ‘Suits’ — here’s how she exited the show

Source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2018/05/17/meghan-markle-and-prince-harry-wedding-drama-faq-all-the-gossip-you-really-want-to-know/

[ryanmeft]

My Favorite Performances of 2016

These are the 15 movie roles this year I most felt deserved highlighting. Man, there were some great roles this year, introduction, introduction, introduction, how many words does this have to be? You don't care and I certainly don't. On to the list!(Note: except for the top two, this list is in no particular order).

Glen Powell (Everybody Wants Some!!) The entire cast of Richard Linklater’s spiritual follow-up to "Dazed and Confused" is one riotous bundle of joy (and a cure for the usually cliche portrayal of college kids), but Glen Powell's Finnegan is by far the standout. The scene that makes his character comes at a party for the "artsy fartsy" crowd when, after encouraging a freewheeling spirit of sex, booze, drugs and rock 'n' roll throughout the film, he actually gets for real hurt when his proteges crash his chances with a girl he happens to like. Finnegan is on the cusp of adulthood and leadership heading into one of the most tumultuous decades of American history, but he's not quite there yet...and it's the leftover, subtle vulnerabilities of the kid during his last days of youth that make him so unbelievably endearing. If there's any justice in the world, EWS!! will do for him what Dazed and Confused did for...well, most of the cast.

Tilda Swinton (A Bigger Splash) The (in my opinion, overblown) controversy over Swinton's Doctor Strange role sadly overshadowed her performance in this Fellini-esque story of beautiful people behaving in decidedly un-beautiful ways. Playing a major, David Bowie-esque popstar who has gone near-mute from the stress of living in public, Swinton has few lines but somehow manages to steal the show from a simmering Matthias Schoenaerts and a manic Ralph Fiennes. Being mostly robbed of the ability to speak, Swinton has to convey a massive range of emotions largely with body language---a task she accomplishes with all the skill you'd expect from one of the world's greatest actresses.

Natalie Portman (Jackie) Frail and tough, honest and veiled, open and censoring---Portman's portrayal of the most famous First Lady in American history is riddled with contradictions that, in her hands, become a coherent character. She can sink to the depths of unbearable anguish at a moment's notice, and five minutes later it is as if nothing very bad had happened. Yet, there's always something boiling under the surface...perhaps an understanding that history will forever place "JFK's wife" next to her name, whatever else she may do with her life. At times, Portman seems to barely hold it all in, yet when we leave the theater she is still a mystery. Maybe that's how it should be.

Joel Edgerton (Loving) Rarely does more go unsaid or understood than passes behind the face of Joel Egderton as Richard Loving, one half of the married couple whose simple wish to live in their home state of Virginia dealt a death blow to laws banning interracial marriage in the United States. Edgerton says little, and when he does it is in as few words as possible...every one of which speaks his entire mind. Key to the performance, though, are scenes of him simply sharing intimate moments with wife Mildred. At a time when the stereotype of the traditonal American husband and father of yesteryear is often held up for all the wrong reasons, Edgerton's performance is crucial.

Emma Stone (La La Land) Until near the end, the music is the driving force of La La Land. Then someone asks the character of Mia to "tell a story", and Emma Stone delivers one of the best scenes of her career. The strength of the "Audition" number redefines what has come before for the character, and solidifies her as both someone we can really root for, and the personification of dreamers, however hopeless they might be. The final look she gives Ryan Reynolds in the film speaks more than a page of dialogue ever could.

Viola Davis (Fences) Before the era of feminism, there was an unspoken agreement between married couples in the U.S.: a wife was to put up with her husband's shit, even when he was full to bursting with it. It was hard to pick one of the two main performances in "Fences" to single out, but ultimately Davis's simmering cauldron is the heart of the story, enabling her to both survive and love life with her deeply, deeply flawed husband. Unlike Denzel Washington, who gets to vomit forth an endless stream of anger throughout the film, Davis is tasked with saving her one great outburst for when it is most needed and has the most impact, creating a scene the trailers should not have featured; it should have been allowed to burst on audiences like water from a broken dam, rolling over everything in its path. Five minutes later, she's calm again, but she's also a different woman...or maybe just another woman who was hiding behind the first all along.

Sunny Pawar (Lion) The trailers all emphasize the adult Saroo's search for his home, but the bulk of the movie is taken up with a young Saroo getting lost in the first place, and Dev Patel is overshadowed by 8-year-old Sunny Pawar...not an easy feat. Like Quvenzhane Wallis and Jacob Tremblay, Pawar takes a role that could easily have been phoned in (since we have natural sympathy for kids) and makes little Saroo into an enormously relatable character, a lost boy whose stomping ground is no Neverland. It isn't any wonder the filmmakers keep coming back to him in flashbacks after his character is grown. He's the heart of the film.

Hailee Steinfeld (Edge of Seventeen) I swear, my generation moons over the era of John Hughes High School comedies so much they seem to forget that being awkward, out-of-place and unable to wait for the day after graduation day isn't unique to them. Every year we get a handful of largely unheralded comedies about that very topic, and Hailee Steinfeld's performance as a morbid, confused and, yes, aggressive (bad female! bad!) teen who openly discusses her sex life, alcohol habits and dark, dark, dark humor elevates "Edge of Seventeen" to the top of the pack. With acerbic wit, pinpoint aim, and unflinching pessimism, Nadine Franklin manages to skewer not just every aspect of High School life but many of life in general. The only target she routinely misses? Herself.

Kate Beckinsale (Love & Friendship) It is exceedingly rare that a woman in the movies can be aggressive and acidic at the same time. Kate Beckinsale's Lady Susan is such a character. It is impossible for all but the most ardent feminists to actually like her, and you'd never want to be drawn into her poisonous circle of rumor, manipulation, innuendo and life-destroying gossip, but you have to admire her for taking charge of her own life at a time when women were tasked with hosting guests, looking pretty and shutting up. These days, she'd almost certainly be described as a sociopath, wrecking lives for her whim and amusement, yet you can't look away. She's the year's best villain...or is she?

Ben Foster (Hell or High Water) Chris Pine's well-meaning father is our anchor to this story of two desperate brothers in hard times, but Ben Foster is the anarchic, destructive force that keeps our eyes glued to the screen. Whereas Pine's dad doesn't think of himself as criminal and Jeff Bridges's sheriff has spent far too much time watching old westerns, Foster knows exactly what he is: a violent criminal whose psycopathy he might be able to turn to his brother's aid in one last blaze of glory. There's never really a question of him surviving the story; he's not a man, he's a storm, and he's here to rage harder than he ever has before blowing himself out.

Naomie Harris (Moonlight) Talk about embodying multiple people in one role. Harris plays mother to a young, gay black man at three different stages of his life, but she's not the kind of perfect mom the movies prefer. She's a drug addict at a time when the War on Drugs refused to treat such people with any sort of humanity, and she's got a temper to match the times; when she screams hurtful words at her own son, the decision to remove the audio from the scene makes her come off as near-demonic. Simplicity, though, isn't really what Moonlight deals in, and there are layers and regrets to her revealed as the film goes on. Her final scene asks a rather important question: should any time be too late to be forgiven?

Anya Taylor-Joy (The Witch) For the most part, horror will forever be considered beneath the notice of those who hand out accolades, which means even if you turn in one of the most startling performances of the year, it doesn't really count if it's in this genre. That's a shame, because unless you count a tiny, uncredited role from 2014, Taylor-Joy makes the most impressive film debut of any actress this year. Called upon to do things involving animal blood and demonic possession that a more image-concerned person might spurn, she handles the role of a teenage girl whose family is being assailed by the forces of hell by taking it all absolutely seriously, which is essential; any hint that she thinks anything she's doing is silly, and the film falls apart. There's reason to question whether anything supernatural is really happening in the New England wilderness of the late 1600's, but no reason to doubt the strength of Taylor-Joy's performance.

Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool) Not everything has to be so serious, something Deadpool would probably remind you of right before delivering a kick straight to your kibbles and bits. As the star, producer and driving force behind the hilariously raunchy R-rated superhero flick, Reynolds is the most eminently watchable and entertaining a comic hero has been outside the suit since Robert Downey Jr. swaggered into the Iron Man armor. Mel Brooks once famously described his films as rising below vulgarity, and whether Reynolds is taking time out to break the fourth wall or making incredibly lewd comments at his blind, elderly, female roommate, he's bringing the spirit of "Blazing Saddles" to a genre that sometimes really needs to get over itself. In a year where "Batman vs. Superman" took itself more seriously than a second heart attack, Reynolds's Merc with a Mouth is the filthy, over-the-top cure the doctor ordered.

And my top two performances, starting with my choice for Best Actress:

Isabelle Huppert (Elle)

In arguably the most challenging role this year, which comes in certainly the most challenging film, Huppert plays a woman who, after being raped, plays a cat-and-mouse game with the rapist. Whether she is trying to catch him or get caught again is another question. The role was turned down by multiple more well-known actresses, before being taken by Huppert, who deserves to be more well-known outside her native France. Key to her performance is that her character is not altogether very likable, and if she were not a victim of a heinous crime, you'd have a real difficult time feeling empathy for her. That takes far more guts, I think, than playing out brutal scenes of assault, since we tend to demand our heroines be pure as the driven snow.

Casey Affleck (Manchester by the Sea)

He's been turning in the best work he possibly can in every role he's had, big or small, for two decades, always overshadowed in fame by his older brother, but this year is Casey's. Angry, violent, adrift and bereft, Lee Chandler is a man with no purpose in a world that demands every man have one, not that he grasps himself on that level: he's simply a man who has been struck over and over until nothing but armor remains. Forced to deal with the issue of custody for his nephew after his brother dies, he portrays a truth no man wants to face: not all of us are cut out for responsibility. Despite this, Affleck walks a fine line, making Lee simultaneously a jerk and someone you'd really like to see come out on top. Unfortunately, as Lee well knows, the world just isn't that simple.

Honorable mentions: I limited my list to 15, and even after expanding from ten it was still difficult. There are lots of great roles that didn't make the cut, and here are the ten that really gave the winners a run for their money, in one big list. If you don't see your favorite, remember: it doesn't necessarily mean they weren't good, just that I can't possibly list them all.

Kristen Stewart (Cafe Society) The Cast of Don't Think Twice Royalty Hightower (The Fits) Meryl Streep (Florence Foster Jenkins) Lou de Laage (The Innocents) Ruth Negga (Loving) Lucas Hedges (Manchester by the Sea) Jessica Chastain (Miss Sloane) Pretty much everybody in Moonlight (Moonlight) Katie Holmes (Touched With Fire)