#one of my very early memories was watching my dad play it. im a generational gamer i suppose

[get-more-bald]

one thing I dislike about the extended edition is that the added characters are voice-acted in english and no other translation as far as I know

[luci-cunt]

Tell me about Magneto🤭

MAY YOU CAN’T SEE IT BUT IM KISSING YOU SO PASSIONATELY RIGHT NOW

Ok so listeeennnn tooooo meeeee, okokokok, so a while ago I went on this James McAvoy bender--don’t ask--and I saw he was in the X-Men movies, whic hi haven’t watched since the Wolverine movies/ Last Stand when I was like, actually a baby. So anyways I flipped them on thinking “yeah what could go wrong?” except I watched them in the wrong order

Anyways here’s an essay on why neither Erik or Prof X was right and the actual answer would be to compromise and these movies how how because they’re both too stubborn and couldn’t it destroyed their friendship and fucked everything up. 

Also the fact that X-Men: First Class is the best Villain origin story to ever cross the screen.

Ok so spoilers ahead for X-Men: Days of Future Past and X-Men: First Class

Now, it should be noted that I’m no an X-Men expert I just love these two movies. 

So for some context: First Class and Days of Future Past are both kind of prequels, except DoFP is a prequel-sequel?? becuase of time travel?? I’ll explain don’t worry. The point is, they take place in the past where all the characters are younger. James McAvoy plays Professor X (who I’ll just be calling X for this whole thing), Michael Fassbender plays Magneto (aka Erik), oh and Jennifer Lawrence plays Mystic--who will be appearing in this essay XDD. 

Alright so first of all have a plot summary: DoFP is about Wolverine getting sent back in time so he can convince a younger Prof X to stop Raven (aka Mystic) from getting caught by this guy Trask who then uses her DNA to create super weapons that irradiate all mutants. The current future Wolverine is in, he, prof X, Magneto, and a few other mutants are trying their best to survive but it’s a losing battle and their only hope is to literally change the past. 

This one takes place after the events of First Class, which I will now explain. 

So in First Class a younger Prof X and Magneto team up to find and recruit bb mutants to X’s school because the government wants to use Mutants to help fight the Russians (oh head this takes placee in the 1960′s right before the Cuban Missile Crisis). This is essentially a Magneto origin story and also--in my opinion--the best villain origin story to ever cross the screen. 

OK so now some details on our main characters: 

Magneto/ Erik Lehnsherr: a literal holocaust survivor who’s only goal in the begining of the story is hunting/ killing nazi’s, specifically one nazi who tortured him specifically and I will get into him later don’t worry. 

Professor X: super smart rich white boy with a heart of gold but also enough naivete to make a lamb look like a Stephen King character. 

Already you can see very stark differences between the two of them. Erik is set up as being a staunch pessimist while X is a vivid optimist, and that makes sense. X’s grown up sheltered and never wanting for anythign while Erik suffered a trainwreck of the greatest traumas in human existence hitting him over and over and over again from like age fucking 9. 

Ok also tehre’s J-Law’s character Raven, who is a mutant that can change her skin to look like anythign she wants it to but her actual form is blue/ scaly/ “not pretty” (bullshit but ok). She met X when she broke into his house one night to steal some food and then they became friends, their relationship will become important later but for now that’s all u need to know. 

ok so anyways, in the begining of First Class Erik is hunting + killing Nazi’s, specifically looking for this one called Schmidt because when Erik was little he and his family were carted away to a concentration camp where Schmidt witness Erik use his metal bending powers and decided to “train” him. aka physically/ mentally abuse him for years. The whole thing starts with Schmidt trying to get Erik to lift a metal coin with his mind, when he can’t (because he’s a child who didn’t even know he had his powers until literally hours ago) Schmidt puts his mother’s life on the line and when he still can’t Schmidt kills her. This sends Erik it’s a rage and he crushes some nazi heads but then Schmidt is still standing and mentions how “oh gotcha, so it’s rage and pain that’s the key to your powers huh?” anyways this tidbit and the coin will become important later trust me--

Meanwhile Prof X is graduating from Oxford/ generally being an idiot pretty boy. He’s a telepath who knows about his powers and has used them from an early age. He also wrote some big paper on mutants, which gets the attention of an FBI agent who witnesses the villains being mutants and wants his advice

However, the villains just so happen to be Schmidt, who’s going by “Shaw” now, so when X and the agents catch up to him Erik is already there and on a mission to murder his ass. Some bs happens, Erik tries to pull a submarine out of the water but can’t (T-T this will be important) and X jumps into the water to stop him because the mental stress is literally killing him. 

That’s how they meet. 

It’s important to note: up until this point, Erik didn’t know there were other mutants, so meeting X, who’s friends with Raven, is kind of a big deal for him. He and X become very fast friends and also have a very homoerotic montage where they become dads for a bunch of mutant teenagers, because they realize they can use X to track all these baby mutants, collect them, and train them so they don’t grow up fearing their powers. 

Anyways, the other thing about this is that now that Erik has this newfound group of people that are just like him, he’s opening up, and X is helping him realize he’s actually so much more powerful when he taps into happy memories rather than fueling himself on pain and rage. This scene always makes me sob oh my god--

Also, fellas--is it gay to “access the brightest cortex” of your homies memories and remind him that hate and pain are not good motivators before reminding him that he has good memories he can draw on and showing him that his life has not been entirely painful?

YEs, the answer is yes are u shitting me??

ok so anyways--something to note about this is that X and Erik are both very protective of all their new kids, but Erik is especially so. I’m going to be getting into this more but just tab thsi thought for later :)

Now, the plot’s kicking up a bit, because it’s at this point that Erik and X capture one of Shaw’s (aka the nazi’s) main lackies and they question her until she gives them the info that Shaw’s planning on using the Cuban Missile Crisis tensions to start a nuclear war to wipe out all humans so that only mutants survive in the new world. 

Obviously they want to stop him, but also, you can kind of tell that Erik is not totally against this plan, which only gets to be more later but that’s for later. 

Right now I wanna take a quick break to talk about Raven--aka Mystic, aka J-Law. She and X were childhood friends and she kind of clung to him because she doesn’t have family/ anyone she can really be herself around besides him. 

X insistently says throughout the movie he sees her as a sister, but it’s kinda obvious she’d be down to fuck. She has this big plotline where she keeps trying to get X to understand why it’s so frustrating for her to have to be using energy to look “human.” Because her natural form is the one with the blue skin. X doesn’t understand this because his power is easy to hide, it’s simple for him to just fake-human and have no one be any wiser, Raven, however, doesn’t have that luxury and when she tries to explain this to X it just flies over his head, insisting she hide her natural self to better fit in if that’s what she really wants. 

Queue Erik, who comes in as a king of self love. He’s pretty blunt about it, but his point is basically “you’re wasting energy by constantly pretending you’re something you’re not--stop” and she responds essentially with “yeah but then no one will like me” to which he responds “then make them.”  

Raven’s relationship with both the boys is used through both First Class and DoFP to really highlight their faults. X believes humans and mutants can coexist but he thinks we go about doign that by completely ignoring the pages of history of abuse mutants have suffered--and it’s mostly because he hasn’t experienced it. 

Erik on the other hand will do everything and anything he possibly can to protect his new family/ people, and in his head that means exterminating any and all threats. By the end of the movie--humans become one of those threats. 

The point of this whole ramble is that: they both represent utter opposites, BUT, X’s blind optimism and Erik’s blind pessimism are equally bad.

Ok so back to plot for a second to prove this. 

Shaw is revealed to be a mutant himself and he also has a helmet that can block telepathy. (yes it’s the magneto helmetjasjd;fkjaskl;dfjasldkj jsut wait).

His plan’s complicated but basically: he’s going to poke America and Russia until they pop and incite a nuclear war. And it works. The whole pre-climax of the film sees X, Erik, Raven, and the other mutants all working double time to stop Shaw’s plan (AND IT INVOLVES ERIK SUCCESSFULLY PULING A SUBMARINE OUT OF THE WATER!!! BECAUSE NOW HE’S USING HAPPINESS INSTEAD OF ANGER/ PAIN!!!). 

Anywho, they’re doing all this, but then some bullshit happens, the plane they’re on crashes oh and -- yeah there’s this part where Erik uses himself as a seatbelt for X it’s fantastic but anyways--

This is finally the climax of the film. 

Also possibly the greatest scene in film history in my humble opinion. 

Because listen--in order to stop Shaw they need the helmet off of him so that X can telepathically freeze his ass and they can arrest him or whatever. So they split up--Erik rushes into the wreckage to find Shaw and X stays behind ready to freeze the guy as soon as the helmet comes off but--

Well, vengence is just too tempting. 

So when Erik gets Shaws helmet off, X freezes the guy, and he’s ecstatic, at least until he realizes Erik plans on killing Shaw. 

He’s pleading with Erik because this is vengence and he can’t chose that but Erik just puts on the helmet and--taunts Shaw, pulling out the coin Shaw taunted him with all those years ago and in a mimickry of the game Shaw forced him to play as a child and killed his mother over--he slowly floats the coin at Shaws head, telling him “I’m going to count to ten, and all you have to do is move.” 

But he can’t--because X is holding him--and that’s the point, Erik wants him as helpless as he was, and X can’t let his hold on Shaw go because that would mean putting Erik in danger but he’s also in Shaws head so he feels the coin go through his head as though Erik was doing it to him and the fucking cinematography in this scene is so fuaksdjf;laksjd;fjasd;lkfjadsl;asdjf;ljL:DKJFL:SDKJFL:D KFUCKKKKK

This scene is cinematic perfection don’t fucking lOOK at me unless you agree.

T-T and then, it only gets worse, because now Erik’s finally finished his original purpose--killing the man who killed his mother and ruined his life--and now he’s got a new one, aka protecting his new family aka the mutants. 

AND HE’S ONLY PROVEN RIGHT THAT HUMANS ARE A THREAT BECAUSE THEY TURN AND TRY TO KILL ALL THE MUTANTS IN THE PLANE CRASH AND JSUT--

And so he stops all the missiles flying their way, and turns them around on the humans and X has to stop him but he’s not listening and the rawest fucking line in the whole movie comes when X says

“There’s hundreds of men on those ships--innocent men. They’re just following orders!” 

And Erik simply replies, “I’ve been at the mercy of men ‘just following orders’--never again.” 

And then he goes to blow up the shipsthen one of the other characters goes to shoot Erik and he deflects the bullet wtihout thinking right. into. X’s. back. 

Paralysing him. 

And just akjd;fjasdflkjasd;lfkj this scene speaks for itself

Listen just--akjdsf;ljasdlk jguys this movie has no right being this good.

And then the movie closes off with X and Erik literally begging one another to just see it their way--because they both want so badly to be on the same side but they’re too stubborn and they refuse to see compromise and just ajkdf;lja;sdkfja;sdljkfsadlkf

Ok I realize now that I barely talked about DoFP but this is already so long. The major things I was going to bring up was teh absolutely fantastic bitter exes energy that McAvoy and Fassbender bring to that movie it’s excellent but also the fact that X is literally the only person Erik goes out of his way not to kill despite standing directly in the way of Erik’s goal. 

Like, you remember my whole deal with Raven??? yeah that’s x10 in DoFP (which takes place quickly after this movie) yeah so her and Erik are close, and shown to be close, but the second he thinks she endangers his fam he literally 180′s so quick and tries to straight up murder her. 

BUT HE FUCKING BENDS THE BULLET AROUND X’s HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X!!!!!!!!!! WHO’S LITERALLY 100% AGAINST HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST

Ok, that’s all. By the way I don’t want to like, up your expecations too much because I actually kind of hate X-Men: First Class almost as much as I love it?? it’s very..... of it’s era, and cheesy, and dumb--but fucking magneto you guys holy SHIT

[thtdamfangirl4]

thanks @pretend-im-normal for this set of questions!

i shall start with a christmas ask game (yes i know it’s january 28th) created by none other than archie’s husband

1. Their favorite Christmas tradition

I think for Archie it has to be baking christmas cookies. He loves doing it even if it’s just him, but especially doing it with the people he loves. He takes the decorating process way too seriously (this may or may not be inspired by my real life) and all the bois pitch in and reginald’s are always disturbing but annoyingly delicious and dorian’s are always a little goth and octavius’s are fabulous and archie keeps telling him that louboutins are not a christmas item but octavius insists that since he asked for them for christmas they should count, and archie loves him so he lets it slide. Eustace very carefully decorates and does his best and every time you eat one you can tell it’s full of love. Jasper wants everything to be as colorful as possible and he covers them in sprinkles. And nathaniel, lovely nathaniel, can’t decorate for shit but he just has fun with it and laughs the whole time and that makes archie’s chest feel tight for reasons he can’t explain until later. And then Archie and Nate finally start dating and during their first Christmas, aside from the bois cookie night, they do one of their own and Archie shows Nate how to decorate the way he does and Nate can’t quite get there but he’s following each direction with fervor and they look pretty good and he’s so proud of himself and Archie sneaks mistletoe into the kitchen and kisses him and now they do it every year, and every year Nate gets a little better. And eventually they have kids and they join the tradition (even the annual cookie decorating night with the bois), and Cam is fantastic at cookie decorating and Ben eats the dough and Archie swats him teasingly with a wooden spoon every time and Evie mixes icing colors cause she’s great at art and Nate washes dishes and makes a valiant effort and they dance around the kitchen and sing christmas music playing from Archie’s phone and he smiles the whole time and every year, he pulls out the mistletoe and kisses his husband and the kids go from thinking it’s cute to thinking it’s gross and embarrassing and all the way back to thinking it’s adorable when they’re old enough and one year Evie snaps a picture of it and it’s on the Christmas card the next year. Christmas is his favorite time of the year, and cookie days just feel like this magic untouchable place where he’s with his family and doing what he loves and to him, it is Christmas personified.

2. Their favorite Christmas song

It’s very hard to narrow down, so I’ll give a top three: All I Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey, Last Christmas by Wham!, and Mary Did You Know by Pentatonix.

3. Their least favorite Christmas song

This will not come as a shock, because well... I’m Archie. It’s Michael Buble’s version of Santa Baby. He loves most of Michael’s Christmas music, but in his words, Michael Buble “needs to man up and be willing to fuck Santa or don’t bother singing the song.” He just made it weird by having it be Santa Buddy and Santa Pally. And Archie loves this song. He tweets Michael Buble about it every Christmas, begging him to erase it from existence.

4. Their general feelings about Christmas

Archie goes feral for Christmas. He loves everything about it. Fun, family, love, festivity, good music, good food, an excuse to bake 24/7, baby Jesus, buying presents, getting presents. Archie prides himself on being the Christmas Bitch. He’s especially fantastic at gift-giving.

5. Their favorite Christmas treat

Octavius’s homemade pizelles dipped in spiked hot chocolate.

6. The best gift they ever received

When Evie is like 20, she gives him a scrapbook for Christmas. It’s filled with pictures of Archie, Nathaniel, the kids, and the other bois over the years. Every page has Taylor Swift lyrics that relate to the images and stories, as well as messages she’s written and cute captions. In addition to pictures, there’s little mementos like ticket stubs or receipts or notes she’s collected from her dad and her aunts and uncles and scattered throughout the book are cutout lines from a printed out version of the poem he wrote for his and Nathaniel’s anniversary. Archie cries for like 3 hours.

7. The worst gift they ever received

One year, Jessica gets him in the PTA secret santa, and she gets him a few workout shirts and an expensive bottle of red wine. He’s so offended. To an outsider, this may seem like a nice gift, but it’s very clear that she got him the shirt because she disapproves of his crop tops. And she knows full well that he doesn’t really like red wine. He’s a white wine bitch. She knows. It’s been discussed.

8. The best gift they ever gave

He likes to joke that the best gift he’s ever given is the supplementary bundle of “free sex” coupons he gave to Nathaniel their first Christmas together (he also got him a fluffy bathrobe, a playlist of songs that remind him of nate, an anthology of queer writing and letters from historical figures, and a trip to color me mine, don’t worry). But the real best gift he ever gave was years later, when they’ve been married for 5 years. He surprises Nathaniel with a trip to New York, where he’s also gotten them tickets to a revival of Hamilton, they go on a tour of diner breakfasts, and then have a shopping and spa day. And then he has them get dressed up but Nathaniel doesn’t know why and after they go to a fancy dinner, he takes Nathaniel to the Woolworth building on Broadway (where the ball scene from Enchanted takes place), and the whole place has been rented out there’s the actual singer from the movie and they slow dance in the romantic lighting to So Close (their wedding song) and it’s endlessly romantic and both of them are crying a lot little.

9. The worst gift they ever gave

No. Archie has never given a bad gift in his life.

10. How they decorate their house

dude. DECK THE FUCKING HALLS. There are two trees. One is picture perfect and looks straight out of a hallmark movie, and the other one is covered in popcorn strings and tacky ornaments from movies and shows and homemade ones by the kids and Ben always puts too much tinsel on it and Cam eats the candy canes so it’s a little wonky and that one is not-so-secretly Archie’s favorite. Beautiful wreaths on the doors and windows outside. Beautiful real-looking garland and berries and red ribbon and little bells decorate the banisters and staircases. There are lights everywhere. Christmas paintings. Outside is decked the fuck out in lights of all colors, he loves the icicles, no blow ups, but he does get a moving reindeer made of lights, and it’s a whole winter wonderland. Lots of seasonal scented candles. White lights on the mantle. Always a fire burning in the fireplace. A beautiful handmade and well-lit nativity scene. Cinnamon scented pinecones everywhere. Santa, reindeer, and snowman figures are in a lot of places. He puts mistletoe above every doorway, molding, entryway, high cabinet, or anywhere he can hang it because the man loves love and he wants as many excuses as he can get to kiss his husband.

11. Their favorite Christmas memory

On Evie’s first Christmas, she gets all fussy and cries a lot while they’re at Octavius and Dorian’s for Christmas Eve and so they go home early and they put her to bed but it’s only like 8pm. So they have their own end to the night and it’s just them in their pajamas, watching The Holiday and Love Actually while drinking tea and they just cuddle up under a blanket. Archie gives Nate forehead kisses and they fall asleep curled up on the couch halfway through The Year Without a Santa Claus. And he wakes up and Nate isn’t there anymore and he finds him holding Evie in her rocking chair humming Christmas songs to her and he just watches from the doorway until Nate finally looks up and smiles at him. And then they get everything ready cause everyone they know is coming to their house for Christmas and Evie wears an adorable Christmas onesie and they all open presents but. Those like 12 hours. Cuddling with Nathaniel and watching christmas romcoms and waking up to see his husband rocking their beautiful baby daughter to christmas songs. Yeah. That one’s his favorite.

12. Their least favorite Christmas memory

When he was like 12 (back in the regency days) he got sick on Christmas and couldn’t go to any of the events or parties and he hated it. But other than that,,, there’s a reason Christmas is his favorite time of year. It’s magic for him.

13. if/Where they travel for the holidays

Nah. He always stays home. He’s the Christmas Hostess With The Mostest. Always home for Christmas. He, Nathaniel, and the kids do go to Disney World for the week before/including New Year’s one year though.

14. Who they spend the holidays with

Obviously: Nathaniel, Octavius, Dorian, Reginald, Jasper, Eustace, Tyler, (and eventually) Evie, Ben, and Cam, and Eustace and Tyler’s kids. Gigi, Chloe, Jackie, and Liza, switch off every year whether they’re with family or the bois. Lynn and Suzanne always come to Christmas Eve and stop by on Christmas day before going to see their families. Every once in a while, Reginald brings a Doug who had nowhere else to go.

15. All of their Christmas traditions (not just their favorite XD)

jesus. well some have been listed. Cookies, decorating, hanging mistletoe fucking everywhere. he starts listening to Christmas music on November 1st. Snowball fight with the whole crew. Snowman contest with the whole crew. Getting drunk and watching Hallmark/Netflix Christmas movies. Making cinnamon rolls for christmas morning. wearing an entire christmas wardrobe in the month of december. Christmas treats at the bakery. Looking hot at Nathaniel’s work Christmas party. Wrapping presents for weeks after the kids go to bed. Making the world’s best hot cocoa. Bugging Octavius for his pizelle recipe (he won’t give it up). tweeting one direction and begging them to reunite for a Christmas album. Rewatching all the holiday seasons of the Great British Bake Off. Making roast for Christmas dinner. Making mulled wine at some point. Game day with the crew the day after Christmas. Writing Nate a poem every Christmas they’re usually really bad . eating one candy cane per season out of obligation and then going back to his hatred of mint. buying a million seasonal items at Bath and Body Works. watching It’s a Wonderful Life with Nathaniel on Christmas Eve Eve. Dressing his kids in christmas pajamas. That’s all I can think of for now.

okay i’m finally done this took me almost two hours oh my god. happy frat boi-ing.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Agh I read your recent post and realized: the entire Polycule absolutely commissions Magnus for gifts for birthdays/anniversaries/holidays. And he always insists they don’t pay bc it’s who he is but they all make it their personal

Lmao last ask sent too early. But the Polycule absolutely makes it their mission to pay Magnus by force if necessary. Simon literally hides money in the loft. Maia pays him back in free meals at Taki. Mel brings him Seelie weapons/charms/etc. Clary brings paintings as gifts, and maybe she ends up investing in a gallery and gifts a portion of the profits to Magnus. Izzy always pays for things on their shopping trips.

god yes hello how does it feel to be a genius? i absolutely adore this

truly tho this is so great. i particularly love the mental image of maia’s birthday since she’s dating everyone in the Polycule (love how we capitalize it that’s so hot girl summer of us) plus there’s also her pack and just generally she has a lot of friends and everyone loves her, as she deserves. so like 4 months before maia’s birthday magnus just starts sending ppl shit like “if you wish to commission a gift to maia roberts please come forward now so i have the time to properly work on all the requests. requests are open for the following month starting this date, and no later” because MAN the workload. one would think he’s the only warlock in this stupid town or something. seriously

but anyway they all want to get maia a little magical something to make it special, so he has to actually like, figure out a lot of spells. raphael’s first request of a gift to her is to make something that tastes exactly like chocolate, but isn’t, since she can’t eat it anymore after the lycantrophy and raphael is a softie who wants her to have all the food and sweets she wants. and raphael is obviously like “i know i’m asking a lot, which is why i came to you, because if anyone can pull it off, it’s you, but you can say no if you’re too busy-” and magnus is like “hush, my boy, you know i’d never say no to you. besides, i’d be happy to give maia this” so there magnus is, studying the chemical composition of chocolate and the werewolf digestive system like crazy. in the end he lowkey cheats - he creates these magical tablets that are actually tasteless, but look and have the texture of chocolate, and when eaten have an enchantment that activates all the same parts of the brain that chocolate does, so it “tricks” maia into tasting chocolate. but hey, it works, so, that’s a win! maia is so happy she just jumps in raphael’s arms and almost topples them over but raphael has the biggest smile on his face and kind of spuns her around a bit. she also gives magnus a kiss on the cheek, and it’s the sweetest thing aaa im so soft

then of course magnus refuses to take any payment because he’s not going to charge his son for a gift even if it was a real fucking bunch of work. so basically raphael comes to him on clan business and he’s like “you have to charge me because if you don’t charge the clan on official business this can create a diplomatic problem and all the other clans are going to come for you or us” and magnus is like “okay that’s fair what do you want” and raphael asks him for like one (1) bag of blood and pays him A Thousand Dollars (it’s his own money, not the clan’s, but like, it’s officially a clan transaction). i’m exaggerating but you get the spirit. and magnus is just like “that is not the price-” but raphael bolts

and just other little things. meliorn is a practical nonbinary entity so they get her a little necklace that basically protects her clothes when she transforms, then magics them back on her body once she goes back to human form (i know that meliorn has seelie magic but it doesn’t work the same way as warlock magic so maybe they can’t do that themself for some reason idk. like their magic seems to be more a “playing with nature” stuff). easier than having a bunch of clothes hideouts. simon gets her a kind of mirror that play whatever memory she’s thinking about when she touches it, so she can watch it like a video u kno. izzy gets her, like, A Real Lightsaber. clary draws a little comic book enchanted so the figurines actually move. etc. every year they get sweeter and more convoluted and obviously they don’t all always come to magnus (simon for example makes her a bunch of songs, izzy is lowkey an engineer so she can make her a bunch of stuff herself, rapha also takes pleasure in the mundane things and knows that maia feels the same way so he likes to get her special, mundane gifts sometimes, meliorn obviously has their own magic, etc), but it’s always something special when they do

and then there’s always the fun little cat and mouse game of Forcing Magnus To Take Payment. they aren’t afraid to play dirty. izzy gives the money to alec under strict instructions to only spend it on magnus, but magnus can’t pay it back because it’s technically alec’s money. meliorn gets magnus some seelie magic gifts so precious and rare it would be essentially disrespectful to give them back (both in the form of like, powerful charms and trinkets, and also like, priceless spellbooks that very few have access to, etc). maia tells him that if he doesn’t take her payment, she won’t take his tips, which leads to a battle of him tipping her exactly the amount of money she’s paid and maia finding new, stupid stuff to “pay” him for (sidenote: my dad and one of his friends do essentially this every time they go out, as does most of my mom’s family. his friend once literally stole my dad’s wallet when he wasn’t looking so he couldn’t pay for their meal and the friend could treat him. no joke). simon and raphael hide money in the loft and when magnus goes to them they’re like “what? no, this isn’t mine. i agreed to take it for free as a gift from you” with the absolute most innocent face you’ve ever seen in your life. and so on

raphael’s birthday is also convoluted because like, 4 partners, a clan, a thousand people he helps with taki’s and the soup kitchen, and he’s magnus’ son, so of course everyone goes to him for help. simon has a major freakout every year because he doesn’t know what to get him (look. raphael is very refined and simon. is not. plus he’s been known to fuck up with raphael so he’s always Nervous even if all the clary bullshit was decades ago), so he comes to magnus, like, begging for help so he can figure it out. which is just straight up stupid because he usually actually has extremely sweet, beautiful ideas (like the time he recorded rapha a CD with a bunch of songs he made for him in spanish and raphael teared up so hard) but he gets insecure and agitated so magnus’ job there is mainly getting him to chill. then it works out. he ends up not even needing magnus to do anything because again, raphael enjoys the simple things and everyday gestures and just... regular, mundane stuff. he misses it. you know?

but that’s not stopping simon from paying for the counseling because he’s sweet like that, and magnus deserves it

and then of course there’s magnus’ birthday which always comes with a bang and he has so many gifts he’s basically drowning, what with all his friends and kids and warlocks and just. people who love him. he’s a bit surprised every time, which makes everyone exasperated because he’s such an important member of their community, like wtf. but it’s always sweet when his birthday arrives and there’s a fuckton of magical gifts manifesting at his doorstep until he’s almost drowning in them lmao. i just aaa i love this they’re all SOFT

[cockbiteproductions]

all prime numbers in the Misc section and all multiples of 10 in the other sections

we shall go backwards as the question list was posted backwards...... (and also why i rbed it.... why is it backwards? i dont know but i love it. edit: now that ive seen question 1 it looks to me like one of those forum profile copy pastes where you fill out the entire thing and put it in your profile.)

200: My crush’s name is: hmm...... well. i would rather not say!!!! they could see this post!!!!!!! and we do not want that happening.......

190: My 1st job was: lifeguard in the summer after 9th or 10th grade i think? it was decently fun. i grew up swimming competitively so the swimming part was a breeze. the remembering what to do if someone is drowning part? a bit harder. memory bad. what to do if someone has a potential broken spine/head injury when they’re in deep water? i don’t know bud. but it involves 3 whole people to get them out. 2 in the water, one person at all times holding their head in line with the rest of their body, the other one strapping them to the board (these two people in the water switch off, too) and then one person standing on the side of the pool looking very concerned. also don’t tell anyone but sometimes if i had like a 6 am shift i would get really groggy and almost fall asleep on the stand.

180: Marriage is: whatever people make of it but unfortunately bogged down with like a lot of societal expectations. to me it just sounds like hanging with your “best” friend until you die but a lot of other people interpret it differently.

170: What did you do yesterday? LOL wouldn’t it be nice if i remembered. wait no i do remember. i woke up “early” and watched a dnd livestream and struggled through buffering from my shit wifi. then i took a nap. then i had a chipotle burrito that was way too spicy. and i played a lot of minecraft. and i wrote a bit. and i also did like another 2-3 pages of the codecademy html intro course im working on.

160: Soul mates: nope. [taylor mason voice] i don’t believe in the concept of a soul. you are compatible with some people more than others and that’s based on your values and interests and personality. nothing Soul about it. it’s fun in fanfic and fiction though, but that’s because it’s fiction.

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes..... i like brown hair! but blonde is nice too.

140: Mac or PC: clown face emoji. mac. It’s A Unix System. more convenient for me. my current mac is a giant piece of shit though. though i think that’s my own fault for keeping all my old files from my old mac. shoulda started over. i think i might try to get this one factory reset or something.

130: Wal-Mart or Target: idk walmart. i go there a lot during college. walmart just has a larger selection. i used to go to target a lot as a kid though because my mom liked it more. i think it’s like slightly more bougie?

120: Gay Marriage: fuckin go for it pals. sad that it took as long as it did to become legal.

110: My Neighbors: they are nice i think. the ones to the right are teachers or something. the ones to the left are.... idk. their kids were like maybe 5 years older than me and my brother when we were growing up though and sometimes they would indulge in us tiny annoying kids and hang with us

100: Cried in front of someone: when the finale of the clone wars came out a few months ago and i was sobbing and i ran into the living room to tell my roommate and friend that i was sobbing. i was sobbing. i also recorded myself watching the entire eps and i Sure Was Sobbing.

90: Texted: actual sms text, yesterday in response to a friend who texted me a tik tok. instant messaging like 20 minutes ago to milo. i havent responded yet because im answering this and i cant multitask for shit.

89: Who makes you laugh the most: me obviously. i think i’m fucking hilarious. me aside, @redvsblue​ is the funniest person on this planet. also my friend holly irl who shares my incredibly dumb sense of humor. also you!

83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmm........ in general or for me personally? idk..... a lot? i am not a very courageous person. so i guess being brave.

79: First time you had a crush: >:( not appreciating this line of questioning that lines up with the prime numbers/mult of 10. i will not be saying as they ALSO follow me on tumblr. though they don’t use it often. shout out to middle school.......

73: Tomorrow: hopefully wake up around 1 pm at the latest. make a plum smoothie. play some more minecraft and get more netherite (new update slaps). do more coding tutorials. get some writing done. the same ol same ol.

71: Next Summer: hopefully i will have a job lined up for the fall and the pandemic is Over. i would like to just [do nothing] for the last summer Ever before job starts. if i don’t have a job then it’s Job Hunting Time.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: what the fuck...... like in a bad way? good way? cry of laughter? sadness? me, probably. my own damn brain be like “well it’s time to think about Yourself and be sad!” i know. very narcissistic of me. also dave filoni (director, producer, writer on clone wars).

61: My Car: not really mine. i just use it. beige 201? toyota camery. my brother tried to convince my dad he needed it more than i did last school year. my brother, who lived on campus in boston and flies to school from nc when he goes there, needs the car more than me, who lived off campus and drove to and from school to get back to nc, thinks he needed the car more than me. what a guy.

59: The movie I cried at was: last movie huh......... when was the last time i saw a movie? idk probably the rise of skywalker when leia died. i don’t know. i sure as hell didn’t cry at cats.

53: How do you like your steak cooked: i am vegetarian.

47: Who’s your best friend: @worthyghouls​ i guess. but also concept of “best friend” is so weird. No Best Friends. just lots of people i am good friends with. feels weird to all my other friends to pick One of them and be like “well i like you more than everyone else” :)

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: only in the vaguest vaguest vaguest sense. i would like to graduate with my bs degree. i would like to live in a city (doesn’t have to be a super big one. where im at rn is fine). i would like to have my first or second job i feel comfortable doing related to the degree i am getting. i would like to live in my own apartment (with roommates)/not with my parents. i would like to not be rent burdened. i would like my roommate to know how to take care of a cat or be okay with helping me learn how to take care of one. i would like to have a cat with said roommate. and that’s about it tbh. not very ambitious, i know. i just want a simple life......

41: Have you pre-named your children: bold of you to assume i will have children. no. if i ended up with child it would be like that tag on ao3 called “accidental baby acquisition” and i would name it on the spot.

30: Actress: hmm..... lauren marcus. lauren lopez. does fiona nova count if she’s going to be in rvb zero? also lindsay jones. aubrey plaza. idk. not many actresses i follow from project to project. it’s more i will see them in something and appreciate them in that role immensely. 

20: Holiday: halloween is pretty chill. just getting candy from strangers? dope. scary aesthetic? amazing. i also like christmas just for the sole fact that i get time off from [life].

10: Restaurant: a favorite restaurant??? who has one of those???? i sure don’t. and i’m not gonna say something cringey like olive garden or mcdonalds. i simply do not have one.

[wildshero]

ooc: welp i went ahead and spoiled AoC for myself, under the cut are spoilers you have been warned

im super disappointed in nintendo for making everyone live. the game would have been so powerful to have the true ending that leads straight into botw. but they just love their split timelines don’t they. not every game has to end happily at risk of spoiling spider man: miles morales that game has a very bitter sweet ending with death involved, and no one is complaining. i just don’t get why they had to ahead and ruin a timeline they already firmly set up. like the game was described as being a view into what happened before the 100 years, but its not that if you go and change the whole damn story.

like ngl if botw 2 takes place after aoc i’ll be kind of disappointed, like aoc erases everything from botw

like all the heartache and shit is erased in aoc, and it takes away everything that link and zelda fought for in botw in order for it to not happen, which is fine, but at the same time like calling forth the “new” champions from the future to fight alongside you isn’t an answer to the problem. it just creates a huge paradox

so from here on out are basically my thoughts to watching the cut scenes

its just bad writing, not to mention straight up stealing the fact that zelda and impa can understand the egg from droids and their “masters” from star wars, the egg is her music box... and plays her lullaby. like stop forcing the egg on us please

why can no one see hestu til zelda can? like scuse me, no link can see the giant brocoli just fine despite this cut scene. also hestu not remembering link in botw if this scene is real? like COME ON

mipha is shit at hiding her crush

the not ganon character is a seer who wants to control their own calamity possessed egg, and sooga is like its not for mortals to control

it is weird seeing link without the slate on his armor, there’s a place for it, but its like not there.

i know its hyrule warriors and you gotta have more than two people going but like impa being there at the spring of courage... like love her all you want but nah fam this aint it also it steals story elements away from link, i know the boy is selectively mute BUT JESUS give him something please

also its like link being the hero means nothing in terms of the slate and the towers, and then the shrines. its like all of it is meaningless in this game, which like revali says what’s the point of link then

calamity comes early? what the hell? this game. im so upset, but also like rhoam getting unnecessarily angry at link for doing what he’s supposed to like jesus fucking christ then he lowkey dies like okay

purah being there when zelda breaks down and its not just link... like the whole story of botw is like fucked, and zelda has time travel tears now

like all the things that happened in botw that built the characters is erased, like everything is a group effort which like is disappointing. i love how the new champions come BUT at the same time it defeats the point of the champions ballad, and the solo battles that link has to face.

alot of the story telling elements are repeated like more obviously than in botw which is saying something

all that the new champions are seeing is for nothing... like they will go back with these memories and it will suck cause they know the current state will have been changed and so what they see will be burdens they carried alone and for nothing for their future people

link’s sacrifice is for nothing, so thanks for diminishing that for me AOC. like him fending off the four blights unlocks zelda’s power but like seriously what is the point of him in this game, he is literally useless, like he straight up disappears. and her power isn’t unlocked via her love, but seeing link fight, and then thinking of the loss of her father

the yiga joined the good side? the fuck aoc

oh link is magically back now. why is he even in this game?

her father isn’t dead but was transported to the temple of time cause of a relic zelda and her mom found. THE PLOT ARMOR, its a shield its literal plot armor oh my god. which lead to her power awakening having no real meaning

literally everything from botw is unwritten, all the strife and everything that was fought for in botw is literally gone

i liked that teba was not a fan of revali’s attitude but like he then becomes a simp for him like dude you can still be in awe and think he’s a jerk to link and in general

ah a blood moon at the end... *eyeroll* okay

harbinger ganon... *squints*

the seer becomes sucked into ganon and the egg attacks zelda and link deflects its blast killing it... WHAT IS THIS WRITING

cool zelda is crying more over this damn egg than her people in BOTW, so zelda is like 5 when her mom dies in the castle (?) its not clear, and her dad is like training only now

also the eggs name is terrako

who needs the master sword the darkness when you’ve got egg boy and zelda’s sealing power, no wonder its shit 100 years later. fi realized she wasn’t fucking needed

slice him through like butter link that’ll do it *eye roll* what happened to that courage power from the fucking master sword scene? what sealing are you doing with that sword? you sliced through him. LIKE?

things that i kinda like, and appreciate character wise

link gets flustered easily. revali revels in the fact that link will be the fallen knight and his reputation what little he has will be ruined, it is also well known that link is in fact a nobody meaning his family is not noble born, but that does not mean his family, read his father, on this blog is a nobody.

urbosa defending link from revali’s bullshit

link fighting malice champions from the totally “not ganon” hooded figure

link is officially considered a champion, and talks with urbosa

impa being pissy with the egg, i feel it. i am tired of the fucking egg pushing himself in too

sooga is the only character i want to see in botw2

link can teleport more than one person is confirmed, though three max is like it in a weakened state.

as much as i hate how many paradoxes this creates, yunobo and sidon’s enterances are very good, and teba’s and riju’s are similar. urbosa recognizing she’s in trouble is very in character for her imo.

i liked that all in hyrule worked together but like at what cost

i prefer this design of calamity ganon

the master sword lets FUCKING DISCUSS

ahahaha no. link pulls the sword when he’s a kid. I WANT TO HAVE A DISCUSSION NINTENDO GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER

like the scene is cool and all but we’re gonna be rewriting that bullshit. the only thing im taking from it is apparently link and the sword together have some courage power a-la zelda’s healing power... NOT THAT IT MATTERS CAUSE HE DOESN’T GET TO FUCKING USE IT

HOWEVER he does not pull it for the first time right then and there, sorry nope, not happening

The story is very much zelda’s which it should be, but like every moment that could have been link’s was taken by another character because of how hyrule warrior’s opperates. like if you want to play as zelda this is your game

im just disappointed, it erases everything from botw quite literally. it gives the new champions memories that they bare alone because zelda and link wont be there in 100 years to help them with it...

link was useless in the game. like you could literally write him out and have the same game, having the master sword literally does fucking nothing because of how OP zelda is. like its called legend of zelda and rightfully so but Link becomes a literal footnote. purah and others takes his place in all the important scenes that were his before.

and like i said if BOTW2 takes place after this its gonna be disappointing and not as dark as nintendo is intending IMO, they should have let this game end the way it does in the lead up to BOTW, it would have been so much more rewarding in my opinion yes you “technically lose” but you would still get some awesome final moments with zelda, and it would hype you up for BOTW.

there were parts i liked obviously, but there were major issues, and this is JUST STORY BASED, im not even talking game play.

[defkooka]

I KNEW | HENDERY

Pairing: Hendery x Reader

Summary: You’ve always been by his side. You probably knew him better than he knew himself, but those forbidden feelings always lingered in the air. It just comes down to what you’re willing to do about them.

Word Count: 2.8K

Scenario: requested!!! prince!au, angst?, romanceee

A/N: okay so hendery is one of my wayv biases and i kinda, maybe, accidentally got carried away with this... but im not sorry hehe. also thank yo to the amazing person who requested this! i just kinda went with what my mind told me and it YELLED to do a prince au so here you are :) pls keep requesting i love reading your comments lol. 

NOT PROOFREAD YET

“Do I look okay?” He asked as you finished buttoning the last of his shirt that stuck perfectly to his body. His black hair swooped to one side exposing his face that laid no imperfections, his two silver earrings that his parents were very against; but he still did during his ‘rebel’ days. You still laughed at the memory of him sitting in the chair, gripping your hand tightly as they put the needle through his earlobe. It was one of your happiest memories.

You slid the jacket over his shoulders and inspected it to make sure no thread was out of place. He ran his large hands over the soft fabric as he patted it down to get the wrinkles out and looked himself over.

“You always do my prince. Perfection.” You said as you backed up and watched his gaze meet yours through the giant mirror that took up most of the space in the giant white wall in his even bigger room. His bed laid a mess from you having to literally drag him out of it because he ‘refused to get up this early’. His words, not yours.

“You always say that. You kinda have too.” He chuckled and turned around to look at you better, he played with the silver rings on his hands as he did so. Something that he always did when he asked your honest opinion about something and he was anticipating your answer.

“It’s the truth prince Hendery. You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.” You looked at him sincerely and gave him a small smile. It was true. He was the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. Ever since you were kids, Hendery has always been the apple of your eye and nothing in this world could change that. 

Henderys family had been in reign for years. His great grandfathers crown passing on to his grandfather, then passing it on to his dad; and soon to him. They were royalty at it’s finest, and also the kindest people you have ever met. Not like your typical spoiled kings and queens.

Then there was your family. They served his family for generations, your mother growing up along is father and taking care of all his needs, meals, clothing, anything. She was his guide through life, making sure he made all the right decisions as king and being his support system. Like his adviser.

Now it was your turn to do the same thing with Hendery. 

You two played along side one another growing up, instantly becoming the best of friends; You two were inseparable. You took naps together, played together, and even went as far as eating every meal together. You two were even closer than ever during your teenage years, you were there for everything. His first day of high school, his first kiss, first girlfriend, and first heartbreak. You were always the one that was left to take his heart and mend it back together, making him smile and hope for better days. And along the way; you fell in love with him.

You would think that spending so much time with someone will eventually make you sick of being around them. But it was the opposite with Hendery; it made you crave more of him. You wanted to be there for every smile, every laugh, every tear, and every time he was angry. But you knew you couldn't. 

He had to get married soon, to someone on his level. Not the right-handed woman. You meant to guide him through his life, to make sure he was making the correct decisions. Not love him.

Henderys loud laugh brought you back to reality as he rolled his eyes and took a seat on his chair, slouching down even though you have constantly told him to fix his posture.

“I don’t wanna goo!” He whined for what felt like the thousandth time in the last 20 minutes.

“Well too bad. You have too, you’re dad wants you to meet the princess.” You felt a sting in your heart as the words left your mouth. Even the thought of Hendery getting engaged, and then married to one of the princesses almost brought tears to your eyes. 

You knew. 

You knew that one day it will eventually happen, and that you would have to stand right there and watch it all pass in front of you and not being able to do anything about it. It scared you, but at the same time it was your fault for feeling this way. 

No one said that you had to fall in love with the prince. It was a mistake you committed and now there was no turning back from it.

“I don’t want to meet any princesses. I have one right here.” He grabbed your wrist that was absentmindedly folding the mess of clothes that laid on his bedroom floor. Blood rushed to your face making your cheeks turn a bright red. You shook your head and scoffed to try to hide the dramatic red of you cheeks and turned to keep doing your task.

“You and I both know I ain’t no princess.” You laughed and placed the clothes neatly on the side of his bed.

“You are to me.” You heard him say from across the room and you felt your heart sting once again. In a good and bad way.

“Come on. We have to head downstairs now.” You made your way to the door and waited until you heard his footsteps behind you to continue to the dining area of the palace.

“What do you think she’ll look like?” He nervously asked as he walked next to you. Hendery was never the one to do good around new people he meets, he tends to get shy around new people even through his humorous personality.

“She’s probably really pretty.” You blurbed out. Every time he had a dinner with his parents and another family you always got nervous. It meant that he was getting introduced to another princess that he’ll perhaps marry. You prayed that every time there was always something about them that Hendery didn’t like. And its been working up to this point. 

But you knew it was wrong. The one thing that you wanted most in this world was for Hendery to be happy, even if it wasn’t with you. 

But you couldn’t help the anticipation that creeped up your neck every time he came back and ranted to you about how he didn’t like the princess personality, or how awkward the whole dinner was without you there. You knew it was wrong, but you still did it.

“Please don’t make me go in there along.” He clinged onto your arm like a kid. Your body tensed and you turned to look up at his big brown eyes that captivated you. Hendery could feel how tense you were under his grip and he quickly let you go as he furrowed his eyebrows and looked over your face.

“Are you okay? You’re very tense today.” He looked at you with worry in his big eyes and you almost melted at that look. 

“I-I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” You assured him and nodded as you grabbed his arm and finished leading him to the big ball room where the dinner was being held.

You stopped right before the big silver doors and turned towards him to see him biting his lip and messing with hands.

“Are you nervous?” 

His eyes snapped down at you for a second and they snapped back back towards the big doors before he answered. “A little. I know I’m not gonna merry. I’m still not ready for this whole marriage thing, but I just have a bad feeling about this.” 

“Its okay, don’t be nervous. Everything will be fine my prince. Just remember I’ll be waiting upstairs as soon as that clock strikes 10. You can get through this dinner just as you got through the rest Hendery.” You gave him an encouraging look as you too stared at each other for a few seconds longer than usual.

All of the sudden you felt him pull you into a tight embrace as he snuggled his head between the crook of your neck. You have hugged Hendery dozens of time, but this time it felt different. Like this hug held every piece of emotion he had and just wanted to share it all with you.

“Thank you Y/N. I wonder how the hell am I going to get through life without you here by my side. I love you.” He whispered the last part into your hair as he slowly pulled away and held your stare for a little longer, before letting your body go and heading inside the bright ballroom.

You were left standing dumbfounded as his words. Hendery always shares his appreciation for you every chance he gets. But not like this. It’s usually a casual ‘Thank you” or a ‘Couldn’t have done without you’. But this time even though it wasn’t very long, it felt like he just spilled his heart out to you with every word that left his mouth

You blinked a couple of times before snapping yourself out of your daydream and before someone caught you staring off into space like an idiot.

It would be a long time for the dinner to be over so you decided to make your way up to your room and catch some rest before you met up with Hendery.

What was just ‘resting your eyes’, turned into long hours of you snoring your life away. By the time you woke up it was already past midnight; which meant that Henderys dinner ended hours ago. 

He was probably off looking for you and soon gave up after not finding you, you thought.

It was probably too late to go wake him up so he can tell you everything about the dinner, so you decided to get up and go get yourself a cup of water.

You opened your door and silently made your way through the long corridors of the enormous palace. You passed by Henderys room and felt curious of to what he’s up too. He’s definitely sleeping so I shouldn't bother him.

You hurriedly went to the kitchen and got yourself a glass of water and quickly came back up. 

On nights like these the castle was quiet, all the staffs were exhausting and went right to bed knowing that they had to get up during early hours in the morning. But these were the most peaceful of nights. You and Hendery would sneak off and watch the stars when you were teens in complete silence, stealing quiet glances at each other. Those were the days you were careless and didn't care about ‘rules’, you just enjoyed spending time with him and being around him.

You passed by Henderys room once again and the urge to open his door just to watch his sleeping figure surged back up. This time you didn't stop yourself from slowly and quietly opening the door to his pitch black room, the only source of light was the bright moon that shone through his window, outlining his silhouette that sat up on the edge his bed.

He refused to have curtains in his room, saying that “natural light was the best kind of light and it helps me photosynthesize”. Again. His words, not yours.

A quiet sob came from where he was sitting up on his bed, his hands covering his face as his shoulders bounced up and down. Your ears perk up at the sound of his sobs that almost broke your heart. You silently closed the door behind you and the sobs stopped. He automatically knew it was you in his room, since you were the only one who can come in without knocking.

“My prince, whats wrong?” You almost ran towards his bed, quickly dropping to your knees in front of him and holding his wrists trying to pry them from his face.

“I-I can’t d-do it.” He said between sobs. Hendery hated to cry in front of people, especially you. He thought that if people witnessed him cry; they would view him as weak. And if hes weak, they would think he isn’t ready to take the thrown.

“Hendery, what happened?” You sat next to him and brought his head to rest against your shoulder as he silently cried; letting out quiet sobs every once and awhile

You stopped asking him questions after a lack of responses from him and just let him cry on your shoulder. You ran your fingers through his black hair, letting them gently massage his scalp; which through the years you learned that it helps to relax him.

After a few minutes he finally calmed down and just stayed there, face buried between your hair and neck.

“Hendery, please tell me whats happening. It’s the only way I can help you.” You lifted his face out of your shoulder and held it between your hands like it was the most precious thing in this world.

“There’s nothing you can do. So whats the point?” He coldly replied. You watched the dry tears on his cheek, his eyes red and puffy, and his hair a mess from probably constantly running his hands through it.

“What happened down there? Please tell me.” Your eyes begged for him to open up to you and finally tell you what was so bad that has led him to crying; which is something that never happens.

“They married me off to her. They didn’t ask me. They just handed me over like some worthless possession. They want me to just get married to a person I hardly know? Without even thinking about my feelings?” he spoke almost as if he was talking to himself.

You felt your heart drop to the pit of your stomach, feeling as if the walls are just crashing down on you. The blood in your veins ran cold, and you held in every tear that was threatening to spill out because this wasn’t about you. It was about him.

He took your silence as a cue to keep going, “They said they’ve given me enough time to pick, that coronation is coming up and I need to be married now.” He looked down at his hands that laid on his lap, intertwined with yours.

“I-I” You couldn’t find the right words to say as millions of emotions and thoughts came into your body as fast as they left.

“You know, I always dreamed that the girl I got to marry was you.” His words made you snap your head up and looked at him with disbelief. “Since I was little and I proposed to you that day at the playground with a stupid candy ring; I always knew-” He paused as another hot tear rolled down his cheek. He caught his breath before starting to speak again.

“I knew that you were the girl I wanted to get down on one knee for. You were the girl I wanted to rule this kingdom with. You were the girl I wanted to have kids with and grow old together. I always wanted it to be you.” Tears were now rolling down your face as you stared at him.

“Why are you waiting until now to tell me this? Right before you’re about to get married.” You looked at him through teary eyes and watched as he silently looked over every feature on your face with full adoration in his eyes.

“Because I cant have you thinking that I never loved you. That I didn’t spend nights awake just waiting until the next morning for you to burst into my room and drag me out of bed.” He laughed and you chuckled as the tears kept flowing, soon enough it would be a pool of tears in here.

“I want to marry you. And only you.” You stared at each other as silence fell in the dark room, but soon enough realization started to hit you.

“You can’t marry me Hendery.” The look on his face fell when he heard the words that left your mouth. “You’re meant to be a king. I’m just there to take care of you. What will people think when they find out that you married the adviser?” You looked at him with sad eyes and tried to pull your hands from the tight grip on his lap, but failed because he just ended up holding them tighter.

“Does it look like I care what people think? I fell in love with YOU. I didn’t fall for the amount of money you have, or what family you come from. Its always been you.” He let one of his hands come up to caress the side of your face and you couldn’t help but lean into his gentle touch.

“I don’t want you to regret this.” Your other hand came up to hold the one that laid on your cheek and ran your thump over the top of his hand, feeling the softness of his skin.

“Trust me, the only thing I ever regret doing is not telling you this any sooner.” A smile came upon his features as he looked from your lips to your eyes; asking for permission.

You slowly leaned in and he met you half way. Your lips slowly melted into one another in a soft gently kiss. He leaned away to look you in the eyes. “I love you so much” He whispered against your lips.

 “I love you too” You replied before he closed the gap once again and rejoined your lips into a more passionate kiss as your lips danced against one another.

You knew. You always knew that he was the one made for you.

A/N: This story was actually pretty decent i’m not gonna lie. Definitely doing a part 2 to this in the future ;)

[mochismilesbrighterthansun]

Poisoned

Chapter 2

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x reader

Warnings: This story in general deals with dark themes but more into the story. Smut. Choking, dark smut. Degrading names, rough dirty smut. 

Word Count: 4,499

Genre: Smut, Angst

Summary: You always knew what you wanted, you had it all planned out. But on a vacation to visit your parents you met the new tattoo artist in town and you couldn’t stay away from him.

A/N: This story will deal with darker themes. I suck I’ve been meaning to update but I hadn’t had the time. I promise not to wait so long to update again.

You couldn’t sleep after that, your mind kept revolving around one little fact. You basically agreed to sleep with the guy and he flat out rejected you. How were you supposed to face him in the morning? You hugged the covers to your chest thought about leaving.

So you waited until you heard no sounds, then you got up and walked past a sleeping Tae. You went downstairs and exited making sure to semi lock the door before leaving. It was almost dawn and it was freezing. By the time you made it to Jungkook’s the sun was already up.

It wasn’t until you knocked and a disheveled Jungkook answered the door that you realized he didn’t sleep looking for you.

“Where the fuck were you?!” He asked frantically looking you over.

“I’m sorry there was a storm and I was hiding out in one of the shops downtown.” you explained not completely lying.

“Whose clothes are those?” Jungkook eyed you suspiciously.

“It’s just some sweats Jungkook. Sorry I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Not just me, your parents have been calling me non stop. They said you ran away and they assumed you’d be here. I mean same I thought the same you know?, courtesy and all.”

He eyed you suspiciously. He knew you were hiding something but didn’t want to push you too much.

“I have my clothes. Can we just dry them?” you began moving inside his home.

This you were familiar with. His home, his parents gone already running the super stores in town. Your head kept going back to Tae and you couldn’t help the humiliation that overflowed within you. But you would make it a point to avoid him at all costs. And it wasn’t like it would be that hard I mean you barely saw the guy.

That day you spent it with Jungkook hiding from everyone in his bedroom watching movies all day. The day was pretty gloomy outside either way. You decided to go back home the next day, but you asked Jungkook for a ride instead.

“Are you ever gonna tell me what really happened or is that to remain a mystery?” he asked while driving.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” you replied looking out the window.

“Whatever you say. Just remember I am your best friend and I do think I know you pretty well.” he probed before ignoring you completely.

Your parents decided to ignore you throughout the day. Even during dinner silence prevailed, while you looked between both of them you realized you were at your breaking point. This was pointless. They would never let it go, or you for that matter.

So on the fourth day of their silent treatment you decided to start packing. You stared at your suitcase for what seemed like hours before you placed it on your bed and began slowly packing your clothes.

“Is this a joke?” Jungkook’s angry voice filtered through the silence. His voice rose even more after you stayed silent and continued shoving clothing into the suitcase. “Y/N, Is this a fucking joke?” he pulled on your wrists to face you and realized you were crying.

“I can’t do this. You said they supported you while you needed them. Why can’t they do the same for me?, if they love me why won’t they want what makes me happy?” you asked brokenly.

Jungkook sighed and wrapped his arms around you.

“I guess they think that by trying to make you do what they want it will make everything better for you. That eventually you’ll be happy.”

“They don’t understand and I can’t be here and feel like I am not.”

“Why don’t we both talk to them?” Jungkook suggested.

You shook your head. “I’ll talk to them.”

Jungkook went outside and waited for you to talk to your parents. You sat down at the living room where they sat.

“I have something to say.” you announced.

Only your mom turned to look at you.

“If you guys mean it and think that what I am doing is wasting my time. I am leaving right now. My bags are packed. But if you want to make an effort for our relationship to be better we can do it, I’ll stay until it’s better. I love you guys.”

“Honey we want you to stay. We only want what is best for you.”

“I know that mom, but I know what I want and what will make me happy.”

At that your dad turned.

“Whatever makes you happy should make us happy.” he mumbled. “That’s what Jungkook said before leaving.” he turned back to the television. “We want you to stay.” you were about to object but he continued, “For however long you can. And then I’ll drive you to the airport.”

He didn’t move, too stubborn to show even the lightest affection towards you. You rose from your seat and hugged him tightly before kissing his cheek and doing the same to your mom.  You rushed outside finding Jungkook by his truck. He saw your smile and rolled his eyes. But you still hugged him.

“Thank you.” you mumbled.

“No problem.” he mumbled against your hair. “Now let’s go celebrate.”

You both made your way to the club; the only source of entertainment in this small town. As you entered you couldn’t help but to feel wary, searching for the dark brown eyes that had haunted your memories for the last couple of days.

But as you entered you didn’t see him anywhere. Finally you gave up and went to sit at your usual stool with Jungkook. You stayed there for a couple of hours and then Jungkook walked you home. Your mind was still thinking about him when you felt a shiver run through you. You stopped and turned expecting to find someone behind you.

“You okay?” Jungkook asked stopping to watch you.

“Yeah I just could have sworn ….” you trailed off, “let’s just get home yeah?” You smiled at Jungkook and continued to walk towards your house.

As soon as you arrived you realized something was wrong, there was a small brown suitcase at the entrance. You took your coat off and hanged it looking around for either one of your parents.

“Mom? Dad?” You called into the house.

Your mom appeared by the doorway to the kitchen.

“Sorry sweetie we didn’t hear you come in.” She wiped her hands in a cloth.

“It’s okay I just got here.” You pointed to the suitcase. “What is that for?”

“Oh your dad received a call earlier. Thomas his friend from the city said his wife unfortunately passed away, so we are going to go to the funeral. We weren’t sure if you’d want to go.” Your mom explained.

“Oh I’m sorry, well I didn’t really know them” you stared at the suitcase. “When do you guys leave?”

“Tomorrow early in the morning, we should be back in a day or two. Will you be okay on your own?” She played with the small necklace around her neck, despite you living on your own she still felt nervous about leaving you by yourself.

“Oh yeah, I’ll call Jungkook. I’ll be fine mom go.”

She approached you and hugged you tightly against her.

“Okay, Dinner is almost ready.” she turned and walked back into the kitchen.

Dinner was something comfortable now. Conversation didn’t flow as easily as you wanted but they still asked questions about your life in college. And you answered them fully and eager for more questions. You liked them being interested in that other part of your life that was very important as well.

After dinner you went to your bedroom and closed the blinds, you began pulling your pijama out from your drawer when you felt a hand wrap against your mouth. The hand muffled the scream that tore out from your chest.

“Sshhh it’s just me.” Tae whispered against your ear.

His body was flush against your back as he held you tightly against him.

“I’m going to move my hand now, don’t scream yeah?”

You nodded quickly.  He removed his hand and stepped away from you. You were confused and angered as you turned to face him.

“What the fuck is your problem why did you sneak into my bedroom?” You whispered harshly.

“You left, why did you leave?”

Your face scrunched up at that, “huh?”

“You left before I woke up why?” he tried again.

“What do you mean? How did you even know this was my bedroom??”

“I watched you move your curtains.”

“Oh God is that supposed to make it less creepy or more creepy?” Your voice was coming out in angry whispers.

“Will you just answer my fucking question?”

You sighed. “What?”

“Why did you leave? Last night?” he tried again.

“I didn’t I mean I stayed till the rain passed.” You eyed him then, “Why does it even matter it’s not like you wanted me there.” You turned away your cheeks burning in shame.

“Why cause I didn’t fuck you silly?” He was already at your back and you jumped at his deep voice against your ear.

You turned not moving away from him.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You tried to sound bored but your heart was beating faster by the second.

He backed you against the wall.

“Last night. When you asked me to help you sleep princess.” His arms caged you against the wall.

“My brain was all wobbly I don’t remember.” You lied.

“How about now?, do you want me to help you sleep?”

You looked up at him at that, your mouth turning dry at his words.

“I bet you do, I bet you’re wet just thinking about the things I’d do to you.”

You were breathing hard, you squeezed your legs together at the shot of arousal that shot through you.

“Would you like to know?” He asked, his breath fanned your face. Slowly you nodded not being able to talk out loud. “Oh you have no idea, first I’d make you beg for me. And you would, you would be desperate for me to touch you. Just like you are now.” You made no move to deny his comment.

The tips of his fingers played with the waistband of your jeans. Your breathing came out shallow. You made no move to stop him as he began unbuttoning your jeans. You said nothing as you leaned completely against the wall. His eyes didn’t leave yours as his hand dipped inside your jeans and began touching you through your underwear. You left out a shaky sigh at the contact.

Tae growled as his fingers began massaging your folds through your underwear. “So fucking wet like I knew you would be.” You grabbed onto his shoulders as his pace quickened. He buried his face on your neck, “I wonder if you taste as sweet as I imagine.” You moaned at that, “would you like that? Would you like it for me to get on my knees right now and eat you up?” He growled against your skin.

Before you could nod or make any affirmative indication there was a soft knock on your door. It was soft but you heard it nonetheless. You jumped and pulled Tae’s hand from your pants as you made your way to your door in shaky legs. You turned off the light.

“I’m getting dressed!” You yelled through the door.

“I just wanted to say goodnight and we’ll see you soon sweetie. In case we don’t see you in the morning.” Your mom's voice filtered through the door.

“Okay mom have a safe trip.” you locked the door and turned to find Tae grabbing a pig from your bed. When he noticed you staring he smirked, and threw the plushie down. “You need to leave.” You said pointing at him.

“That’s not what you were saying a couple of minutes ago.” He plopped down on your bed.

“Listen I’m sorry for leaving like that but you can’t be in here my parents are down the hall.” You crossed your arms across your chest.

He rose from the bed then walking towards you in short strikes across your bedroom finally reaching you. His whole presence was intimidating as he looked down on you with dark eyes.

“Come to my place tomorrow.” He demanded. It wasn’t a question.

“What?”

He rolled his eyes. “I said fucking come over tomorrow.”

“This is a very unconventional way of asking someone out.”

“No princess this isn’t a date, just to finish what we started. I want to fuck you dirty, the kind that doesn’t wash off.” He reached for your hand and placed it over his clothed dick. It was hard, and the bulge was big. Your eyes widened at the contact. “Fuck, what I wouldn’t do to have those pretty lips wrapped around my cock right now.” Your eyes shot up to meet his. He walked away from your touch towards your window. “If you wanna fuck you know where to find me.” He called out before slipping out the window.

The next couple of days you spent them in a foul mood. First of all Tae had left you horny, and all you could think about was his fingers on you. His hands on you, and that clouded everything else. You went to the bar on two occasions looking to get at least a glance of him. But he was nowhere to be seen.

So on the fourth day Jungkook finally snapped.

“What the fuck is up your ass?” he complained harshly.

You turned away from him, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Fucking bullshit, you’ve been acting like a fucking stick is up your ass so fucking explain or calm the fuck down.”

“I’m just….” you trailed off.

“Just????” He prodded.

Your cheeks burned in shame.

“Just horny” you mumbled.

“Huh I didn’t hear you?” Jungkook asked getting closer.

“Horny! Okay? I’m fucking horny get off my ass!” You yelled out in frustration.

A couple of persons turned to look at you but you hurried down the hall pushing the grocery cart. Jungkook trailed closely behind you.  

“Fuck, shit my bad. I didn’t know.” he tried scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Look sorry alright? It’s just been a while.”

“Um your hand?”

“Can we just change topics please?” You begged in shame.

“Of course. When are your parents coming back? It was supposed to be a short trip?”

“Uh yea they called me earlier, they told me they were gonna take a few more days.” You pushed the cart further down the aisle with Jungkook right behind you.

“Do you not own a vibrator or-?”

You stopped abruptly causing him to crash against your back.

“Jungkook we are done talking about this, let’s go pay so I can go home and burn in shame.”

Jungkook chuckled walking with you to the register, he drove you home but only dropped you off leaving you alone to fix the groceries by yourself.

You had thought about going to Tae but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. He plainly stated all he wanted was sex, and by this point you were so horny any doubts were beginning to fade. Maybe just one time to get him out of your head. One time to know what sex with him felt like. You knew Jungkook would not come back for today, it was already late.

You thought about just going ang giving into this lust you felt. You sighed and decided to go take a warm shower and go to bed. After you showered you went into your room looking for a brush for your hair. You shivered as you felt a breeze.

You frowned as you went to close the window, you didn’t remember leaving it open. You closed it fully and pulled on the curtain. As you turned you saw someone laying down on your bed. You jumped in fear but it soon dissipated as you recognized him.

“Tae you gotta stop sneaking through my window and knock on the front door like a civilized fucking person would.” You complained ignoring him and walking into the bathroom.

“And miss that cute face you make when you are terrified come on now.” He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed.

He played with the lip piercing on his lip and you wished it was you playing with it. He smirked through the mirror.

“I thought I told you to come see me.” His gaze turned dark.

“Uh yeah, but where is the fun in doing whatever you ask me to do.” you said before starting to brush your teeth.

“Oh you will princess. You will start doing exactly as I say.”

You rinsed and walked past Tae into your room. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you began to prepare for bed.

“Is there something you needed?” You stared impatiently, feigning boredom but that only made his smile widen.

“Why are you acting like you don’t want me to fuck you, we both know you have been drooling for my cock ever since you touched it.”

That did it. The shred of pride left vanished and all you wanted in that moment was for him to take you however he wanted. He must have noticed a change on your face because his smirk returned. He went to sit on the chair by your desk and widened his legs. You took that as and invitation and on wobbly legs you began walking towards him only to have him lift his hand to stop you.

“First you are gonna be a good girl and sit on the bed.”

You frowned but did as he said.

“Open your legs, show me that pussy.”

You blushed, and when you hesitated he groaned.

“Do what I’m telling you or else I’m leaving.” He threatened.

You slowly parted your legs, you shivered as you felt the breeze against your bare pussy.

“Touch yourself for me.”

“What?” Your face showed your surprise, you had never done anything like that in front of anyone before. Your legs sealed shut and you rose from the bed clenching the towel against your body.

You saw Tae rolling his eyes and eyeing you.

He tapped his thigh.

“Come sit here princess.”

You looked around your room awkwardly and then back to him.

“I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with.” He tried again.

You walked to him slowly and sat awkwardly on his lap. He began rubbing your thighs slowly, he grabbed your hips and positioned you to sit in between his legs. He kept rubbing your thighs and slowly his fingers inched to where you wanted him. The rings on his fingers felt cold against your skin.

His fingers reached your pussy and began sliding his finger across your slit. He groaned at the contact.

“You’re so fucking wet like I knew you would be princess,”

You rested your head against his shoulder as you let out a soft moan.

“That’s it princess let go,” he mumbled against your neck.

You began moving your hips chasing his fingers.

He chuckled lowly, “what do you need princess?, tell me what you want.”

“Your fingers Tae please.” You moaned out.

“I like hearing you beg, do it again.” He demanded stilling your movements with his other hand.

“Please, please finger me I need it so bad Tae please.”

“I like how pretty you sound begging. But wouldn’t you rather my cock?”

You moaned at that and nodded quickly.

“You need to earn my cock though baby.”  He mumbled sucking on the skin on your shoulder.

“Pleasee.” You tried again because you needed his fingers anything.

“I said you need to earn my cock.” He said more forceful.

“How?” You groaned.

“You know how.”

Oh, you did in that moment. You knew he wanted you to blow him. And right then you didn’t care.

“Okay.” You said.

He stopped all of his movements and allowed you to get on your knees in between his legs. He leaned against the cushioned chair and placed his arms against the arm rest.

He caressed your face then. “Are you gonna be a good slut and suck my cock?” His words shot arousal straight to your center. You nodded. “Take me out then.”

You unbuckled his belt and began undoing his jeans. You reached for his dick and when you grasped it your eyes widened. It was so much bigger than you anticipated, long and thick and that was not gonna fit your mouth.

“I wanna see you choking on my cock like a good slut yeah? I’m gonna fuck your mouth and I won’t stop till I want.”

You looked up at him and didn’t respond because yeah you were so turned on you wanted all of that. So you allowed him to wrap his long fingers on your hair and lead you to his already hard dick. You opened your mouth as wide as you could. He began pushing you slowly down his length. He let out a growl as your mouth wrapped around his tip and he had to stop the urge to thrust into your warm wet mouth.

“Fuck yeah just like that fuck your mouth feels so fucking good…… come on take a little more for daddy you can do it.” He encouraged pushing you further down. Your eyes began to water as he pushed you further down his length. Once you gagged he pulled you off saliva dripping from your lips. “Do that one more time and I’ll fuck you. Choke on my cock for a little longer and I’ll give you what you want.” He led you once again but faster, this time not stopping when you gagged or as years began streaming down your face. He groaned loudly and pulled you off his dick. “Fuck I was about to cum down your throat.” He looked down on you with lust filled eyes. “Hands and knees on the edge of your bed.”

You rushed to comply, you heard slow steps behind you and the sound of his belt being pulled off. He ripped the towel from your body and caressed your ass with one hand.

“Do you trust me?” His voice was even deeper and it made you shiver.

“Yes.” You mumbled.

He leaned over you and placed the belt around your throat, you flinched and tried to move away.

“No baby wait, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He whispered against your ear.

You stopped moving as he placed a finger against your throat and tightened the belt not completely choking you. He pulled on the belt and you realized then it was like a leash. He was treating you like his animal and you didn’t know why but that just turned you on even more.

“I’m gonna fuck you now.” He warned aa his length dipped along your pussy collecting your juices. “Do you want it?” He asked teasing your clit with his tip.

“Yeeees pleasee” you moaned out.

“How bad do you want it slut?” His pace was torturously slow.

“Fuck soo much I need your cock so bad Tae, please just fuck me.” You begged.

“I don’t know if you really want it you didn’t come to my place like a good slut would.” He stopped his movements and pulled on the belt.

“Fuck I’ll come everyday for your cock please, please give me your cock.” You didn’t even know what you were saying all you knew was you wanted him to fuck you.

“Yeah? You’ll come get fucked everyday?” He began squeezing your ass with one hand as he pulled on the belt.

“Yes please.”

“Just for me right?”

“Yes Tae just for you please I’ll do anything.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” He growled, then you felt the tip against your entrance. He began pushing slowly, the burn replaced by pleasure almost immediately. “You’re so fucking tight.” He groaned as he continued to push. And in a final push he seethed himself all the way. You moaned loudly and when you tried burying your face against the sheets he pulled on the belt harder. “I don’t think so, all those sweet moans belong to me, this belongs to me now get me?” When you didn’t respond he pulled on the belt.

“Yes fuck yes it’s yours Tae.” You almost screamed.

You couldn’t see the smirk he had at that moment. But almost instantly he began a brutal pace, you felt as if you were gonna cum almost instantly. And he felt your walls tightening around his dick.

“Do not cum unless I tell you to, be a good slut and hold on for me.” He said pounding into you as hard as he could. The headboard began slamming against the wall at the brutal pace he was going and you were pretty sure your moans could be heard outside but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “You are such a good bitch for me holding on, this tight cunt feels so good around my cock fuck.” He growled.

“I need to cum Tae please.” You said hoarsely.

“No.” Was all he said before spanking your ass. You moaned louder at that. “Fuck you like that?” He did it again eliciting another moan for him. “Fuck you’re perfect, I’m gonna fuck you so good little whore.” He pulled on the belt and you were almost kneeling on the bed completely standing up. He reached for your clit and began rubbing in fast circles. You whimpered at that. “Fucking cum around my cock right now.” He wasn’t asking he was demanding, and you did in a silent scream. Your orgasm was so intense you fell forward on your hands. He let go of the belt and grabbed your hips as he began an even more brutal pace pulling  your hips to meet his. You began feeling yourself nearing another orgasm. “Where do I cum?”

“Inside my pussy, fill me up with your cum.” You groaned feeling yourself about to cum again.

He reached for your clit again. “Fucking cum, squeeze my cock again.” He demanded, he felt your walls tightening around him once again and he came almost instantly, you felt his cum inside and all you could do was whimper.

You never felt his weight on top of you. So you turned to see him using your towel to clean his dick. You looked at him curiously.

He looked at you when he felt you staring. “Fuck princess you look so good all fucked out with my cum seeping out from your cunt.” He tucked himself in and chuckled when he saw you shivering. “You like dirty talk?” He questioned. All you did was nod. “Good to know,”  he turned and walked to your door. “I’ll call.” He said before opening the door and leaving.

A/N: thanks so much for reading!

[pavlovers]

blossom, blush, breeze, bright, cuddly, daisies, precious, smile, starlight, thimble, wispy

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

book: for sure the great gatsby! almost every sentence in it is just gorgeous and it’s consistently been a book i feel like i can always come back to and gain something completely new out of it. 

movie: hmm this is a bit hard because i dont watch movies all that often and i even more rarely rewatch movies. but off the top of my head, heathers (1988), my own private idaho (1991), mysterious skin (2004), pan’s labyrinth (2006), and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (2004) are all insanely good. oh and yesterday i actually did end up rewatching a movie (better off dead (1985)) with my friend and like,,, that movie is so stupid its borderline amazing. and oh of course i cant not mention paddington 2!!! unironically though that movie is so sweet and wonderful  :-)

song: lately tbh i have only been finding myself listening to various neil ciceirega mashups but yeah “rollercloser” (which is a mashup of the ohio players’ love rollercoaster and nin’s closer) is just,, it works too well. who allowed it to be that good?!

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

honestly from what i can remember and the very few anecdotes my parents have told me about my behavior as a small child i dont think there was ever a stuffed animal that i had a really strong bond to. not that i had that many anyways, but i still remember some of the ones i did have. i had a teddy bear with a little red shirt that said “hope” on it, a plush of the bear from bear in the big blue house, and a care bear plush (idk of which one since i never watched the care bears as a child but im p sure it was the pink one?). also idk if it counts but i also had a panda pillowpet.  

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

either playing the game of life with my friends during indoor recess or playing tag with my friends at,, (normal?) recess. elementary school for the most part was alright. 

bright; mermaids or fairies?

while i greatly admire the concept of luring sailors to their death via song, i think im gonna go with fairies. being tiny, having wings, living in the woods and causing mischief sounds v rad to me. 

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

musically & aesthetically im gonna go with late 70s/early 80s. fashion-wise ill say the late 60s/most of the 19th century (referring to men’s fashion of course). 

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

3 days ago when i was at an orchard w my dad snatching up as many ripe peaches as we could from this peach grove even though the orchard specifically said that they were only selling blueberries and raspberries for the time being. it was just 5-10 min of my grubby little hands going ham. the cashier was very nice about it though and let us buy the peaches. 

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

that i owe a lot more to myself than i do to others. and that receiving assistance from others is ok! and essential sometimes. 

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

this might be a very obvious answer but well, the internet. i mean it’s shaped my tastes in art/entertainment, my politics (for the most part), my views on myself and my mental illness, and countless more aspects of my personality. its probably the single most formative part of my life (as im sure it is for most people nowadays) besides yknow my family life. and school. 

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

kim possible, wizards of waverly place, danny phantom, the emperor’s new school, etc. 

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

theres some aspects of my dad that i really admire. hes definitely not perfect but he really is hardworking and motivated when it comes to his career and completing adult responsibilities in general. and hes also great at talking me down and explaining things to me in a calm, rational manner whenever i happen to get terribly anxious about anything. my friend grace, even though she’s a year younger than me, is also just,, a huge blessing. she’s a big idealist and amazing at so many things??? (writing, drawing, straight As, soccer, violin & piano). and shes also so empathetic and has the biggest heart, and has given me so many pep talks whenever i happen to be freaking out about anything school-related. 

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

i am perhaps biased because my childhood was and has not been the best but yeah i am not my hometown’s biggest fan. its most likely due to the fact that most people who live in my town are quite old and as a result there’s not a lot of spots for people my age to like,, hang out/meet up at, or really that many places where you can just enjoy yourself, so i dont really go out all that much. and personally i find living in such a sprawling suburb where its basically impossible to go anywhere without a car to be kinda suffocating. so yeah im not planning on staying here for long, but mostly because i feel that i badly need the fresh start. 

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 2

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1

Notes (I guess): I am equally in love and in deep hate with some (a lot) of what’s going on in here, and I am terribly, terribly sorry. And also there are some characters I wanted to explore a bit further than what had been in this part, but... I’m working on it. Give it a bit and I’ll get there. Again, credit to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for screaming at me to write this, and to @whatwashernameagain for Keep Him Safe, and also a tiny tiny lil bit to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their general support and for being such great sports about me annoying them with my ideas... (oops).

(I’m trying to find a way to write my notes, so bear with me until I find a way to… it might take a hot minute.)

(KHS) Tag List (sort of): @em-be-lievable, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @adoratato, @supremestoverlord, @royallyanxious, @madly-handsome, @hanramz-the-fander, @the-incedible-sulk, @poisonedapples, @virge-of-a-breakdown, @winglessnymph, @princeanxious, @smokeyrutilequartz, @im-bad-at-life (if any of you could tag the rest, please do! I’m improving my memory from day to day, but… yeah…)

Tag list: @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter in particular includes some very heavy misgendering and deadnaming (if you get what I’m saying). Please be careful.

—————

Science of Living Systems 20 actually wasn't as bad as Remy thought it would be. It was rather cool, actually.

Well, at least he hoped it was.

The head of the department was… an interesting individual. Remy met with him during the application process. The man insisted on calling him "Miss Harris" and speaking to and about him in girl pronouns, and Remy understood why.

For some reason, though, Remy expected all the professors to be like that. And not such was the case.

"Rebecca Harris, I want to see you later in my office."

Doctor Gilliam was in his late thirties, called everyone by their first and last names, thought that being single was hilarious, made really bad puns in his lectures (though Remy heard, not as much outside of them), and tried his best to be "hip with the kids". It was worrying, to say the least. And… yeah, Remy was slightly terrified.

"I'm kind of worried, kid," Gilliam said the moment Remy walked in. "You don't look too-"

"Excuse me, Doctor, but I don't know what this is about."

"Have you heard about shadows and personae, Rebecca Harris?" Remy shook his head, terrified to say a word. "Well, it's quite an interesting concept. According to Carl Jung, you'll learn about him later, the persona is the mask you wear in the world. It's what you want others to see. The shadow is your innermost self, the parts of your identity that you wish to hide from others."

"Okay, and?"

"I think your persona might be cracking."

What… was going on?

"I'm not making sense, am I? I'm sorry. There's a lot that goes into that theory and I shouldn't confuse you this much, at least not until we get to it."

Yeah… it was weird.

"So, my point is… you can talk to me if anything is making you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay… I guess."

"Well, that is all," Doctor Gilliam said, fixing his glasses.

That… was weird. But okay. If that's how he wants to do things. Remy wasn't going to complain.

He was definitely better than the head of department.

—

There was a knock at the door.

Abby, their RA, was over earlier. Apparently Katherine had a bit of a scene right after class. So naturally, Remy assumed it would be Abby. No one else could be knowing on their door at ten thirty pm-

"We don't have your bunny this time. You can go."

Oh.

"Oh, no, I just…" Remy could hear that… kid? Whatever his name was, from the door. "I just need… I need someone to help me with something. And…"

"Oh. Remy can help."

"No I can't," Remy replied. "I need sleep and so do you!"

"It won't take long, I promise!"

"...fine." Remy got off the couch - the nice, comfy couch, where there was a blanket and his sols20 book - to the door. Where that kid (Emile? Emile) was looking at him with those big blue eyes and…

Yeah, Remy regretted unbinding. (Well, no. He did not. But also kind of did.)

"Hey… Rebecca, right—"

"His name is Remy."

Emile seemed shocked for a moment. Oh shit. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know. I just… I see you in most of my classes, so… never mind. So… how are you with baking?"

—

"So my sister Julie is LaVeyan—"

"Aren't we supposed to be baking cookies, babe?"

"Yeah, but… the stuff's all in the cabinets and I'm looking!"

Emile was a disaster child, Remy decided after only five minutes alone together. He brought a violin and his bunny to the kitchen in the pursuit of baking cookies - like, what even? - and he just seemed so… energetic? Happy? Whatever the word was. A couple minutes ago he was talking about the cookies, sure, but then he switched it to the importance of guided imagery, and then why Li Shang from Mulan is bisexual, and now… what was he even talking about?

"So my sister is a LaVeyan Satanist," Emile repeated himself, almost climbing on the counter to reach a cabinet. "It's kinda funny, actually. My dad's side of the family are all Catholic, and�� can you put the sugar on the countertop, please? Thank you!"

"Sweetie, for the eleventh time this past ten minutes, I understand nothing you're saying."

"Am I speaking another language or something? Because if so I'm sorry!"

"No, it's just…" How does he not hurt his feelings? "It's just… you talk fast and about a lot of subjects at the same time."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

Maybe he thought Remy couldn't hear, but there was definitely a "this is just one of the things that are wrong about me" thrown in the air.

Emile didn't speak to him for the rest of the process. Maybe once or twice he pointed out a step or an ingredient, but overall he did not speak. At all. And then the cookies were in the oven…

And then he pulled out his violin.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"Emile, is it because of something I said?" Emile, still pouting (as he had been for a good hour and some now), nodded. "Well, I'm sorry. Please don't silent treatment me."

"I talk too fast and too much."

"Not what I said. I just said I can't follow you. I didn't say it's your fault. Please don't—"

Emile pretty much just ignored Remy (uhh, rude!) and positioned his violin, and started to play something… quite angrily.

After a minute and a half Remy recognized it as Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty.

After another three minutes, he dared open his mouth again. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean to. Do you accept my apology?"

"...fine."

It was not fine. Absolutely not.

"Thanks for the help with the cookies," he said as they separated at the top of the stairs, all one-hundred-and-ninety cookies (Emile insisted on quadrupling the recipe) safely packed in plastic boxes and hidden away. "I… I'm gonna go now."

"Emile, please." He turned around, still looking quite pissed. (It was probably the hour, Remy tried telling himself. It's already past one am. This is not good.) "Are you mad that I said I'm confused?"

"To be honest with you, yes! Yes, I'm mad. I know it wasn't your intention but I heard you say shut the fuck up when you said that. And it hurt. Very badly."

...oh.

"I'm going to forgive you, but it's going to take me a bit, so please don't be mad at me, okay?" Emile honestly looked close to tears. "Good night, Remy. I'll see you in living systems tomorrow."

And then he went to his suite, violin and bunny with him.

Remy just got himself into a huge mess.

—

It was a beautiful afternoon in Boston when Remy found himself at the rather posh Italian place his mom wanted to meet at.

Before their divorce in late 1999, just after Remy turned fifteen, his father started contacting a charity organization dedicated to help transgender youth. He educated himself. Tried to educate his wife as well. But… apparently it was the last straw for Linda. The very night he tried to even just explain that it's not her fault, that it's how he was born, she packed up her things and left.

The divorce papers came in less than two months later. The divorce was finalized in November 1999. Remy did not see her since.

(Yeah… that was a lie. He actually hasn't seen her since Christmas 2001. But that was still a very long time. Almost a year is a long time.)

"Well, at least the weather's nice." And there she was with her new boy toy. Glamorous as ever, with her stupidly huge sunglasses and her bright red (disgustingly fake, makes India's hair seem real) curly bob, looking exactly the same as she did that day Remy came out to her.

A few hours later, though. When she thought he was asleep and left the house to go to some party.

"Well, at least you're still not very nice, Linda," he said with a smirk as he sat down next to her boy toy (he actually looks kinda nice, for a forty-something year old). "But much unlike the weather, I don't think this is a thing that can change so easily."

"Where are your manners, Rebecca?"

"The same place those diamond earrings you forgot when you left us are. At home with Dad, probably watching South Park."

"Well, at least we left the girls at home." Linda took off her sunglasses and replaced them with a normal, frameless pair of glasses. "I don't believe you met Stephen before, Rebecca."

"I don't believe I've met a Rebecca before, Linda."

"Are you ready to order?"

It took about two minutes for all the orders to place (of course Stephen had to order something overly fancy, because why the fuck not) before she started yapping again.

"Rebecca, I didn't ask to see you for you to be so rude to me."

"I didn't ask to see you, period."

"What would you like to be called, then?" Stephen asked. Well…

"Remy. My name is Remy."

"Your name is—"

"My name is not Rebecca! I haven't gone by that name since I was fourteen. Dad never called me that since the day I asked him to call me Remy. You're the only one who ever insisted, how do you think it made me feel?"

"How do you think it made me feel, Rebecca?" Remy hoped no one was looking. "My own daughter. I jeopardized my own high school graduation to have you because your father was dumb enough to forget the condoms. I gave up life-long dreams just to raise you, because that retard of a father you have couldn't. Is this how you repay me?"

There was a very awkward silence, that was broken by an unfamiliar voice - deep, with a southern drawl - and a confused "Rebecca?"

India. Without her makeup, her hair pulled back.

Looking almost perfectly manly.

"Excuse me?" Linda straightened her glasses, glaring at India. Oh, how Remy did not want this to happen… "And you are?"

"Ian McGinty, ma'am. I'm her boyfriend."

Oh.

"Your father didn't tell me you have a boyfriend," Linda spoke slowly.

"Because he doesn't know everything. And my name is still Remy."

"Ethan and I are gonna go now," India said, her voice still lower, still more southern than normal. "Text me when you're done, we'll go get ice cream?"

"...sure."

And then she leaned down and said, in the voice Remy grew to know and absolutely adore, "we're going to talk about this. Don't worry, I got your back."

And then she was gone.

"So a boyfriend, huh?"

"...so how many men have you fucked before meeting Stephen, Linda?"

—

"I'm so sorry about your mom, baby."

India's brother, Ethan, looked nothing like her. Well, he looked like a more manly, less boyish version of ‘manly' India, but also nothing alike. He also didn't talk much. So that was fun.

India took them to get ice cream indeed. (And much like her music taste, her favorite ice cream flavors - burnt caramel and earl grey - were rather… interesting. But she did swear that Toscanini's was probably the best ice cream in Cambridge, and who was Remy to argue with her?)

"It's alright. She's always been like this."

"Doesn't make it alright." Ethan grunted in agreement. "Take it from me, Remy. It's never alright."

"Does he have an Esther?"

India's eyes rolled so far back. "Do you think that every trans person have to have an Esther, Ethan? Do you truly think it's how we realize our identity?"

"It's how you did yours."

"I knew I'm a girl since the moment I understood who I am. Any related accidents after that are purely incidental."

"India, I think I fucked up." She looked up at him from her half-melted ice cream cup. "I told you about Emile, right?"

"You're still stuck on that?" Remy nodded. "Look… that kid told you he forgives you. You saw him in class since then, he didn't say anything to you… you're doing fine, sweetie."

"Is that his real boyfriend?"

"Ethan, shut the fuck up or I'll call mom. Remy…" India turned to play with his hair.

Yeah, it was very calming.

"He sounds like a very sweet kid. Trust me, there's no way you fucked anything up. You'll be okay. You'll get to hang out with him again, and it will be okay. Now eat your ice cream, you have the best ice cream, and then we're going back to your dorm and we're going to watch Priscilla. Or Hedwig. Whatever suits your fancy, okay?"

"...okay."

"Now, let's talk more about your mom and why it isn't okay that she treats you like that."

And for a bit, everything just seemed alright. Well, almost.

[jane-wei]

3am bordem

1 Favorite place to be?

A quiet cinema with a massive screen

2 Something I can never live without?

Water

3 Hobbies that I’ll never give up?

baking

4 Three words to describe me?

Proffestional, day dreamer, loyal

5 My biggest fear?

ebaressment

6 What makes me angry?

ignorance towards others

7 My inspiration?

creativity and passion of others

8 Favorite wild animal? Why?

any big cats, because they literally are just big cats

9 Favorite food?

pizza, always

10 First memory of life?

probably playing with lego and having my dad make me spaceships out of lego

11 The best advice I got?

write every day

12 Where do I see myself in 10 years?

hopfully own my own flat or house, maybe running my own production company, maybe acting in some plays

13 Books reading these days?

im not a big reader, but when i read i read loads, i must read DUNE soon

14 The fictional character I want to be?

Luke Skywalker

15 My hidden talents?

quiet farts

16 Favorite type of music?

electronic or classical, if its both at the same time its magic

17 When do I feel happy?

when things are going right for collegues or loved ones

18 Which song would I like to hear to be happy?

duran duran ordinary world

19 My favourite word in English?

surety

20 My favorite word in Spanish?

da nada, that count as two?

21 Top 3 things on my bucket list?

visit hobbiton, sky diving, meet mark hamill

22 The most heard song in 2017?

redbone by childish gambino

23 Last book you’ve read?

probably a comic book or an excerpt from a book on how to direct actors

24 Favorite quote?

All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king. 

J.R.R. Tolkien

25 If I had a superpower what would it be?

Creating objects, although that has a lot of responsibility, but it would end world hunger

26 Favorite sport?

rugby, its the only one id watch begining to end, but to play definatly badmington, brutal game

27 Biggest Dream?

be a jedi

28 Favorite Singer?

the chap who won x factor uk last year, Dalton Harris, that guy can create magic

29 Favourite Cusine?

italian

30 A positive quality about me?

I want to know what you have to say, i might get  nervous at the answer or speaking other people in general but im interested

31 A negative quality about me?

push down my self confidence

32 Best place I’ve visited?

brecon beacons in wales

33 When do I laugh the most?

when something is funny, but also breaking through social conventions in a dark kinda way, nothing insulting just a little dark here and there

34 When do I get creative?

when travelling, trains and buses are great, but only when i can see a wide vista, so trains goign through the countryside are ideal, or in a creative soace with othe rlike minded creatives. enough of creativity for now eh?

35 Favorite lyrics?

nothing overlly specific, but i like Plan B’s stuff, Radiohead always do somethign interesting, A Tribe Called Quest are geniuses with words

36 The most scary thing I’ve done?

confront people, its tough, especially when you know something has to be resolved by words and talking

37 Biggest accomplished achievement?

going to film school, something i thought was impossible for a working class lad like me

38 What am I horrible at?

not keeping healthy

39 Favorite book genres?

sci fi and fantasy for sure

40 Any adventurous thing I want to do?

travel

41 Something I would like to try?

sports, i feel that if i was encouraged at school in sports id be a real jockey

42 Optimistic or pessimistic?

depends on the day, optimistic is the goal, that way your always looking up

43 Favorite TV show host?

Mel and Sue, old school bake off

44 A talent I want to acquire?

playing the violin and anoy other musical instrument i can egt my hands on

45 Something from my childhood that I still have?

1 teddy bear and 1 fluffy teddy style cat, those are going to be family heirlooms

46 If I had a chance to change something what would it be?

death of family members, but you cant dwell on such things, itll drive you mad

47 What would I do to calm myself?

music and cleaning

48 When do you find yourself singing?

while out walking or home alone

49 What do I consider unforgivable?

any attack on others, physical, psycological, verbal, insinuated

50 Have I ever sleepwalked?

as a kid yes but not since, if i did id definatly wear some kind of body camera and find out where id go

51 If I got a chance to go somewhere, where will it be?

everywhere, every continant at least 5 times

52 What is my dream career?

feature film writer/director

53 An impossible wish?

a real lightsaber

54 Who is my greatest role model?

i like elders who are accepting of others and those who take great joy in heling others

55 If I could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

does the U.S.S ENTERPRISE count?

56 Favorite song currently?

Tiny Dancer by Elton John

57 Advice to people?

try to be understanding of others, dont put yourself or your skills down, make every day count, give yourself some credit for what youve done so far, make sure you get a little tlc every now and again

58 How do you handle jetlag?

sleep

59 Describe your style?

nerd

60 Favorite makeup product?

i dont use any, but i do get asked if i use mascara, all natural

61 What’s a guilty pleasure you have?

early naughties action movies, Van Heling with Hugh Jackman the main culprit

62 Favorite Star Wars Character?

The crew of the Ghost, you could never pick one over the other

63 Any pet peeve?

laughs with high pitches

64 If you could die your hair, what color would it be?

red

65 What’s your schedule these days?

in need of a job so a lot of job hunting, school is 2 days a week(ish) got a few writing jobs so putting pen to paper, need to start learnig lines for a play in the summer

66 Have you ever cut your own hair?

only the fringe and i didnt think it was that bad but when i got into school EVERYONE laughed #embaressmentismykryptonite

67 Who’s your style icon?

my friend zach, simple gorgeous colors

68 Do you consider yourself a good liar?

if the lie is a simple one

69 Favorite movies as a child?

star wars, star trek, lord of the rings, predator which i watched way before i was supposed to, i was also in the spy kids generation

70 Last show you’ve binge watched?

star wars rebels and the eric andre show

71 First toy you’ve had?

probably my teddies, but i do remember having star wars actions figures and lego very early on

72 What can you see from your window?

a main road which many buses travel down, a bus stop, a residential row of houses leading to a park, a betting shop

73 What’s for dinner today?

my other half makes great tempe and gyoza

[icecreamkink]

so im watching ice princess bc. brain empty. it has been like legit 15 years since i watched it! this was the very first ice skating thing i have ever watched and i was OBSESSED with it when we rented it in vhs. i wouldnt get Actually Into figure skating until sochi but this movie was the reason i was gliding around in socks on the floor and started watching winter olympics as child

it starts w this song that sounds like a ripoff of this OTHER early 00's girl movie song that i cannot remember (or prob never learned lol) the lyrics to and its driving me crazyyy

the ptbr version is called 'sonhos no gelo' aka dreams on ice and i personally think its a better name than ice princess

then again dreams on ice is such a ice show name so maybe thats why they chose not to lol

the music that is playing when hayden panettiere (??) first talks to georgina from gg is. . . weirdly soft porn-y. harold-

OMG WHO IS THE GENERIC "HOT" JOCK. WHERE DO I KNOW HIM FROM

i feel like sasha cohen being who makes georgina go 'omg. moving on ice requires physics!!!and thus Plot' would generate Some Type of dumb discourse today. i cant explain it i just feel it

that tv is very very old .

im so happy that joan cusak is playing an annoying judgy feminist she looks like shes loving it as she should

color coded skaters!

kim cattrall as a scary retired Did She Break A Competitors Leg Did She Not Guess! coach mom named tina is also what she Should be doing

i remember she and joan cusak fight ?by the end? so we are looking forward to That

is this another 'give the girl that the mc has chemistry with a brother for no homo reasons' example; never rewatch your heroes

juniors faking landing quads in 2005? sounds kinda precocious but what do i know

movies abt artistic sports usually Highly overestimate how nice the training outifts are but caseys a woman of the people

georgina wearing kim cattralls old outfit and the yoiness of it all. idk how to feel abt that. blueprint

honestly if my mom hated fs costumes and made me wear That i would definetely rebel

ok listen. i dont Really Know, and i guess the point is that as a Physics Person with Talent she like breaks the barriers or something but . . 'tucking ur arms in' 'pushing with your toepick' are pretty standard things people are conscious of and i dont think theyd make a girl whos been training for a couple months land a double ? would she even have the muscles for that . i mean OK ITS A DISNEY MOVIE IK i Know IM JUST. ok ok

whys georginas token best friend so likeable. get it ann

teddy, the no homo zamboni driver

joan cusack and kim cattralls passive agressive interactions!!!!!!!! ty for my life

Unlikely Complex Computer Program Check

jen! im not dressed for a party! sigh. shake it. ??? eye roll your hair >>>>>

GENERIC HOT JOCK IS SHANE OMEN OMGGGG I KNEW I KNEW HIM

hey! you get paid to be a has been on ice ok. and its Awesome. and its probably more fun than competing all things considered lbr

no but like, its not like georgina couldnt go to college during or after a skating career..... plenty of athletes do that.....

considering she could retire circa 2015, she could even become a youtuber on TOP and capitalize on yuri on ice. joan cusack has no eye for the future smh

but making her mom not simply a controlling academic but instead a working professor regretting probable wasted potential was a smart choice

aw cds !!

'youllbe be worth even more when you win' damn dont hold back tiffanys dad

i feel seen with the way the parents are so obnoxious in this movie

i mean i feel seen bc i had to deal w ballet parents not that i am a obnoxious parent myself, i. i dont have kids

i wish i could say omg thats so dumb as if athletes are always at each others throats like that but uh. on junior level? it happens

hayden panehfd and georgina ending up together would have been so cute sigh

only the girls/women are important in this movie and im into this. rip teddy

zoey bloch sure can rock

i wish i knew how to hidroblade :( or. skate. at all; lmao

nikkis regionals costume was very cute , prize for the jumping bean!! . eh shrimp

so who choreographed georginas programs? tina? did she do it herself? is that why they look kinda meh. why didnt they show it

ok but like. needing to break in brand new shoes is . is it not . common knowledge. :for anything. ?

LIKE im not defending the sabotaging of a teenager but. as a Smart Person who Knows Physics and has been training in a high impact sport and STUDYING IT, did it rly not occur to her that like. competing in brand new, though skates might be a Bad Idea? she figured out how to land a triple in months but not that performing on brand new shoes sounds kinda stupid??

ooo~~ its just like sarajevo~~

JOAN CUSAK AND KIM CATTRALL THROWING IT DOWN YES

the dramatic fight makes it kinda inescapable that they act circles around the kids but oh well

why didnt kim cattrall push teddy to be a figure skater too. like double the odds of a success, seems kinda obvious

its noT MY DREAM MOM. ITS YOURS

*hayden panerimo, voice cracking* anD I WANT *kim cattrall*okay okay thats enough -

drama in the hallwayyy

georgina answering "why are u passionate about harvard" with essentially "im not" kinda iconic ngl

its noT MY DREAM MOM. ITS YOURS²

whys she not wearing the new skates. she already has them now, and for free too

i have never seen an actual frozen lake in my life but are those cracks supposed to be like that

yes it IS a beautiful sport casey tell em !!

kim cattrall was a such a big brain choice. who else would sell 'im not gonna apologize for sabotaging you and taking advantage of ur stupidity" to a 16 year old in a disney movie

"i dont have to like or trust my coach "kjasdkfn casey,,,,, sweetie. i mean eteris girls do win trophies back to back so I Guess In A Way but also.,,,,,, sweetie-

i know that she meant it in a general way, but the Possibility of kim cattrall and joan cusack going to high school together and somethin something Watching and Envying the pretty prom queen/world champion, something being tired of performing feminity something something short skirts something harsh realities of academia and pro sports careers / anywhere for women something. something something.

michelle kwan!! i did not remember her in this

forget georgina and hayden panettone, otp is hayden / ann . hann!! tutor trope!!!!

omg does joan cusack teach at a community college or a encceja type of thing . bitter moms plot thickens

zoey skated to toxic! queen.

i watched this movie so many times in the days i had it rented that i actually still remember a lot of the final programs choreos lmao

skate w the heart uwu

costume prettye

ah!! i used to try to copy the programsss thats why i know the moves LMAO the memories ,,, keep coming back to me

whats this gala lighting all of a sudden???

hann keeps on winning!! look at that hug!they left together! arms linked!!!!!!!

centering the mom daughter relationships is a :'''') for me

we stan nikki

dramedy centering on joan cusack and kim cattrall navigating georginas career

FEEL THE RAIN ON

YOUR

SKIN

NO ONE ELSE CAN FEEL IT FOR YOUU

this was nice :') its confirmed ive had good taste since toddler age 🤷

[freshberries]

um thinkfast and.... all of them..... but mostly 1 3 13 & 20 because all of them is a lot

Willow you know me so well

This ones a long one boys

Who is the most affectionate?

I like to believe that once they have settled down into their relationship, that Tommy has learned better ways of coping besides running, so, for me it’s Tommy, he loves David with all his heart he really does, and tbh big fucking kin.

Most common argument?

I’m stuck between arguing over Tommy eating healthier (Listen as much as Tommys gotten better with cooking, if given the opportunity, he will binge on fast food like crazy, and David’s in the background like “Tommy please the SODIUM”) and David overworking himself (”Babe its 3AM, you can do the taxes later come back to bed”) 

Either way it comes from a place of love and concern for the other because they are both HEAD OVER HEELS IN L O V E WITH EACH OTHER AND IM SOBBING.

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

First time they’ve held hands period its David, but in general? I’d say its an equal amount once the relationship settles down

With David, sometimes he notices Tommy’s stressed and needs grounding or he himself needs an anchor. He probably used to have a stress ball but finds this works better and also makes him like, ten times happier

Tommy doesn’t do it when they first start dating, being afraid of showing affection and all, but like one day Tommy is just like “fuck it” and grabs onto his hand and David turns to him with the BIGGEST HEART EYES cause he LOVES HIM and Tommy starts doing it more often from there, and David never stops with the heart eyes cause hes literally gone for Tommy and would go to the moon and back for him, you know how it is.

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

I’m not counting Mary and Frank Shepard cause fuck those losers

Christopher and Dorothy Alleyne love Tommy cause like Tommy is one of the few people that can get David to stop working himself to an early grave (other include America, Nori, and Kim), but yeah they love Tommy a lot.

Christopher seems a lot like a football playing dad from what I remember of him so I imagine one day while David and Tommy decided to visit the family Christopher just turns to Tommy and goes “Wanna go outside and play some catch, son” and Tommy is like surprised for a second, but like accepts because David and Dorothy are catching up and ✨ father son bonding time ✨.Tommy even tries not to use his powers (sometimes fails cause he has a lot of energy and that’s okay) and they end up having a lot of fun, they make it a thing to do whenever they visit

Tommy learns that David got his love for jazz from his mother when he catches her cleaning while humming a song playing on the radio, he starts to help her clean and ends up humming with her because it just so happens that David loves this song and he sometimes sings it while doing taxes like a loser. They end up just dancing in the living room and when David goes to check on them after he and his dad finish cooking and cleaning the kitchen, he ends up leaning against a wall watching them cause his life is SO PERFECT right now and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Kim and Tommy meet and its half chaos half calm. Kim shares the dirt she has on David and David just groans the entire time but Tommy’s just laughing cause oh my god, were you really a duck for your first Halloween? David stop putting your head in your hands you look cute please I love you.

Tommy loves kids though so even though she’s like, at very least a teenager, he loves spending time with her and she thinks Tommy’s totally a blast. That can sometimes he bad because sometimes things turn out to be flammable and that’s not good. But yeah, she loves Tommy and loves bullying David about how in love David is with Tommy but David doesn’t care because he loves his little sister and he loves Tommy and likes knowing she approves of their relationship (not that he ever though his family wouldn’t, they took the mutant thing well, I don’t think their son being bi changes much for them.)

Rebecca and Jeff Kaplan don’t care cause Tommy is literally soul twins with their son, being bi isn’t more surprising than that. Additionally, I don’t think they would care about Tommy being bi if they didn’t care about Billy being gay? Either way they are real chill about it. Rebecca offers David banana muffins whenever David and Tommy come to visit the them, idk why she just likes making muffins. Jeff Kaplan kinda isn’t real to me at times so idk what hes doing, probably reading a newpaper as Rebecca and David make polite conversation like they’re at a book club of some shit. Tommy’s probably playing with the younger kids cause, once again, he loves kids. Also he might have accidentally set something on fire again, he really doesn’t mean to do it it just happens sometimes.

Wanda is really happy Tommy and David are happy together, and she loves David, but she sometimes worry's that he doesn’t like her because of everything that happened with M-Day, so after a while they have to talk about it. The thing with that is that, David will never forget that day, forget how 40 of his friends died, how he should have died, how he lost his mutation, M-Day haunts him, and it will never completely stop haunting him. But things get better, at least a little bit. David gets his memories back, he learns how to deal with his trauma, mutant kind becomes a little less endangered, and sometimes if he wakes up in the middle of the night because of nightmares, being around Tommy helps.

M-Day will always haunt David, but things get a bit better for him. He understands why Wanda was so upset, it doesn’t change what she did, but he understands, and knows shes trying to make up for it. So David basically explains that to her and they are good and can have like, a conversation since they now both have their peace. Wanda would defiantly offer to restore David’s powers, but tbh I’m not sure whether he’d accept it or not, I’m already so off track anyways so I can talk about that at a later date.

Pietro is kinda like Kim but instead he bullies Tommy about how much he loves David, its typical family teasing though, he loves his nephew and his nephews boyfriend.

I ALMOST FORGOT MAGNETO. They are super fucking chill with it cause all mutants are gay, he’s the OG gay mutant and he’s happy his children and grandchildren are carrying on Magnetos Gay Legacy™️ and that’s that, period point blank.

Billy and David are fucking chill and I’ll demolish ANYONE who says otherwise, but Billy does give David the shovel talk. Besides the shovel talk, Billy is happy for his brother and his friend and really wishes the best for them.

Teddy and David are also fucking chill and I’ll fight anyone on this fact too. Teddy kinda gives David a high five because Teddy’s a chad and that’s the only way he knows how to express emotion. But its kinda like a “Cool! So we’re kinda like brothers now!” high five and David understands his friend is just trying to be supportive.

Kate just kinda fucking, yells, she a chaotic bi that’s just how it works. She’s basically really happy for them and since Kate and Tommy gossiped to each other about their crushes back when they thought it wasn’t reciprocated (as best friends do) and she’s like really happy things worked out for the both of them.

America smirks and looks her platonic soulmate (David) and is like “You finally asked him out? Good job” and like pats him on the back because they lived with each other in college and while he doesn’t drink often, lets just say when he does drink, David is a sappy drunk gay. Internally she’s like, very much crying because, oh my god? Davids so happy and she’s so happy her friend is happy. Shes an emotional gay she just likes to pretend shes not and that’s fucking valid.

Loki just kinda, has a realization about it. About why David literally spent two weeks tracking the young avengers down, about what David meant when he said he’s into good guys. Loki’s a chaos demon so they just kinda let out an “ohhhh” and turn to Tommy and say “I would’ve made the same choice buddy.” and like, disappear. They’re happy for their friends of course but their love of starting shit wins out.

Noh just kinda shrugs, he doesn’t care of course but he also doesn’t care enough to really react, he might say something like “good job” cause hes dumb but that’s about it

Eli would come back to visit the young avengers while David and Tommy are well into their relationship, so he’d kinda just be surprised by how calm Tommy looks and he and David would get along very well, considering they are both leaders by heart. Eli starts to visit more often after that first visit, its one of the main reasons David and Tommy always have a guest room set up now.

Cassie is kinda just like “Another brother, sweet” and rolls with it. Totally loves asking Tommy for updates on their relationship because Tommy could talk forever about how much he loves David, it makes her happy knowing her brother is happy.

There are so many of the New X-Men I can’t name like all of them but I’ll get through the ones I remember. If I don’t name one of your faves just assume they approve because all the x-men are gay anyways and everyone loved David so its not like someone would like, fight him or anything.

Josh is really chill with Tommy, and he tells Tommy about all the adventures they’ve had (Tommy lowkey freaks at the time David got his heart ripped out but hes fine now! its okay don’t worry I made him a new one!). Josh and David of course need to catch up though and Tommy sometimes just watches David as they talk because he can tell David is really happy talking to his best friend.

Nori and Tommy aren’t awkward, cause fuck that shit they’re adults now and David and Nori totally talked shit out. Instead Nori and Tommy just kinda laugh at David cause like, you totally have a thing for speedsters David, don’t even pretend.

Julian and Tommy are equally chaotic so they run around doing dumb shit while Davids talking to the new students.

Santos reaction is kinda funny cause hes like, wait, YOUR IN THE YOUNG AVENGERS NOW? AND YOUR DATING ONE OF THE YOUNG AVENGERS? And David totally wasn’t there for that conversation where Santo found out about the young avengers and now Santo really wants to meet Teddy for some reason and Tommy looks to David for an explanation but he’s just as confused.

Cess, Sooraya, and Laura are in the same boat of “I’m happy your happy” since I don’t remember them being too too close to David but I know at the very least that they were friends, and they would be happy that David got someone that could get him to relax, even just for a little bit.

Sorry this took so long Willow, I got off topic a little bit but I tried my best.

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[alicedoessurveys]

loooooong survey

Childhood

Did you spend your childhood time with mostly real or imaginary friends?: real. I spent most summers/half terms with my cousins and my neighbour’s grandkids. Did people consider you an odd child?: not odd, just shy  Do you have memories that go back to when you were only a few months old?: nope Do you remember any thoughts you had when you where very young?: not really nope  

Were they intricate or simple thoughts?: probably simple but I can't remember 

If you answered “intricate”, give an example of one of those thoughts: n/a

Were you dreams very vivid as a child?: yes, still do. I also used to get really bad night terrors a lot as a kid What is the strangest memory you have from early childhood?: can't think of anything strange.. Were you a child prodigy or did you display any gifts at a young age?: I drew a lot, but I was no prodigy What was the most “grown-up” thing you ever said as a child?: I have no idea What were your favourite TV shows in early childhood?: I grew up on Fairly Odd Parents, Rugrats, Tracy Beaker Were you afraid of monsters?: yes, especially zombies Did you believe that fictional characters were real?: yes Were you more quiet and artistic or loud and physical? quiet and artistic  Issues and stuff Do you eat meat?: yup, but only beef, chicken and bacon/sausage  If you do, what is your justification for it?: I dont feel I need to justify it, just like I wouldn't expect a vegetarian to justify why they dont eat meat. each to their own.  If you could legalize 3 things in the US, what would they be?: I dont live in the US, I dont really know their laws and I dont really care  Do you believe in the death penalty?: nope Did Mumia do it?: do what..? If you had a choice, which country would you have chosen to be born into?: I like that im English, I just wish I was born in a different part of England cause Birmingham is a shit hole What are your opinions of Michael Moore?: I dont know who that is  Describe your feelings about marijuana legalization: I think it should be for those who need it for medical stuff Red, White and Blue is a ghastly color combination, right?: nope What television news coverage do you detest the most?: all of it, I dont watch the news What will you do if Bush is re-elected? Im British, I dont care  Which state do you think will drop off into the ocean first?: idk Who do you consider “American Heros”?  I feel like these questions are very aimed at Americans  Completely Obtuse And Silly Questions Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it worked? yes  Do you ever yell at the television while you are alone? Reason?: not yell, but talk to the telly yeah. and not even just while im alone.  Name a few things (if any) that you bought on Ebay recently: I cant remember the last time I bought something off eBay  Are the Muppetes sinister? Think about it.: nope... o.O Do you watch the Science Channel (Discovery) on a regular basis?: no ive never watched it  Ever gotten into an “in person” argument with a total stranger? Discuss: yup. basically I was at this event thing where they had boats and pretty floating lights and shit on a river. we had waited all day to see them and when they were finally coming past we couldn't see them because it was so crowded and there was a “security guy” stood in the way. There was kids infront of me who kept saying they couldn't see because of him so I yelled “MOVE” and he turned around and started arguing with me. Long story short, he eventually moved out the way and found a space where he wasn't blocking anyones view and the people around me thanked me. I felt so awkward after cause im not a confrontational person at all but I was so tired & irritated that I just snapped.  Sugar or Honey?: Sugar What’s on your desk right now?: im not sat at my desk atm  How many e-mails do you recieve a day?: about 20 Do you think that time travel is a possibility?: no Are you slightly addicted to online tests and surveys?: not addicted, I just enjoy doing them to pass time San Francisco or New York City?: ive never been to either, but I would like to go to New York  What are your favorite color combinations?: grey and light blush pink looks nice Close your eyes and type the first random image that pops into your head: I cant because im listening to hairspray so thats all I can see right now  Do you enjoy night or day better?: depends what im doing  Favorite animal: Dogs   Have you ever been to a protest?: Nope, but ive ended up in the same place as a protest was taking place and it was horrible Aggravated a cop on purpose?: No Ever gone train hopping/ridden the rails?: Nope If you could choose a time period in which to live, which would it be?: I’m fine with this one Ever put your hand through a window?: no List a few words you hate the sound of: the c word And a few you like the sound of: idk Are you sick of this survey yet? not really  Emotions And Such Have you attempted suicide more than once?: No  Cutting?: Yes Do you get violent when you are angry?: Not with people, just with myself or just like throw stuff on the floor like a brat  Which emotion are you most consumed by?: fear Are you highly emotive?: Yes Do you discuss problems or keep them to yourself?: keep them to myself, and if I do discuss them I downplay or make jokes Do you fall in love easily?: not in love, but I do fall for people too easy What age/year was the most difficult for you?: around ages 19-now How do you channel your anger/sadness?: shut myself away and cry  Ever been addicted to alcohol or drugs?: No

Ever been homeless?: No List a few simple things that make you happy: playing sims, Tumblr, theatre When were you most recently your happiest?: hanging out with nick and Addison the other day  Do you consider yourself empathetic?: yes Friends Do you have friends that are drastically different from each other?: my main group of friends is only like 3 people and they have their differences but not drastic differences List a few key traits that all of your friends have in common: my friends are all into gaming, watching films & eating Do you keep in touch with friends from high school?: yes, two of my best friends are from school Have you lost touch with many of your friends?: almost everyone I become friends with end up losing touch in the end but ive been friends with Addison for 10 years and Rhys for 20 years Are they mostly local or long distance?: local  When you go out with friends, what kinds of things do you do?: usually go to the arcade, cinema and get food Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend?: yes If yes, are you still friends with that person?: no Are your friends mostly your age, younger or older?: rhys & Addison are 23, nick is 25, I am 22

Do you have a hard time making friends because most people bore you?: no, I have a hard time making friends because im socially awkward Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups?: groups, it takes the pressure off in conversations Which of you online friends do you have the most in common with?: I dont have any online friends Family Are you close to your family?: yes What traits are you glad you inherited from them?: faithfulness & a good sense of humour  What sitcom does your family most remind you of?: I cant think of anything other than that me and my mom are a lot like Miranda and her mom from the sitcom ‘Miranda’ Does your family live locally or far away?: local Have you ever stopped speaking to someone in your family?: yes Have either of your parents died?: no, thank god Is your family very much like you or are you opposites?: a lot like me  How many siblings do you have?: one older sister Has your family ever thrown food at each other?: yes, every christmas season we throw chocolates at each other from the Quality Street or Roses tins Are the holidays a nightmare or a time of joy?: I love Christmas Day and I normally love christmas shopping but this year I found it all very stressful because I was so busy at the theatre and I had no money to buy gifts  Do you look like your parents?: ive been told I do List one interesting fact about your family: apparently my dads side of the family is descended from royalty Lovers Gay, Straight, Bi-sexual or no idea?: Straight Married/partnered?: Single Ever gone out with someone you were embarrassed to be seen with?: no Ever broken someones heart?: someone I “dated” in infant school told me when we reunited in senior school that I broke his heart. but I didn't actually do anything so I dont know where he got that from  How many serious relationships have you had?: none Have you ever lusted obsessively over someone you knew you couldn’t have?: not obsessively lusted, but I have fancied guys that I knew nothing could ever happen.  Do you believe in the theory of soulmates?: yes Ever cheated?: No Been cheated on?: No Thrown someones stuff out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?: Nope Had your stuff thrown out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?: Nope Most important emotional qualities of a lover?: someone who makes me feel happy and can make me smile, makes me feel comfortable, is caring, trustworthy, honest, affectionate  Most important physical qualities?: I dont think physical qualities are super important but I do fall for peoples eyes & smile Food & Drink Non-alcoholic beverage of choice: cherry coke or caramel hot chocolate Alcoholic beverage of choice: cider Foods you crave on a regular basis: chocolate

Salsa and Chips or Pita and Hummus?: neither Meat or Tofu?: Meat Soup or Salad?: soup Soda or Juice?: Soda Can I get you anything else?: You didn't get me anything..? :’) Favorite candy:: chocolate in general Favorite food to make: lasagne 

Food brand that you hate?: idk Do you try to buy all organic?: nope  Favorite fast food?: mcdonalds Final Questions Ever had a great song ruined for you after it was used in a commercial?: yes

Ever yelled at an SUV?: nope A Hummer?: Nope Ever faked being sick to get out of going somewhere?: yes If you could turn back time and change one thing, what would it be?: stay in college Bambi or Nemo?: Nemo List 3 things that are worrying you right now: 1, money. 2, a meeting I have to go to next week that im absolutely dreading. 3, I have this constant annoying anxiety that tells me my friends dont actually like me and that I get on everyones nerves.  Do you think you’ll ever have children if you don’t already?: not my own now, but I hope to adopt Do you think there is life on other planets?: no Have you ever broken a leg or arm?: nope Would you rather stay in the house or do things outside: depends on my mood David Letterman or Jay Leno?: I dont know who they are  Last words?: Bye

[stateofgrace-acoustic]

Taylor and Me

with reputation out and me loving it so much, i keep getting really nostalgic and astonished by how long i’ve been a fan of taylor’s and al the things she has accompanied me through. so i felt like posting a little reflection thing, feel free to ignore totally :D

like a lot of people Love Story was the first song of hers I heard. i was on the bus home with one of my friends and she let me listen to it. i was so young back then, oh my god. (like 12?) i think i found it catchy, but didn’t think much about it afterwards until two people had a presentation on taylor in music class. (we were all supposed to introduce our favorite artists). they played some more songs from fearless, and i can’t recall exactly what my reaction was but i know i wanted the album. i asked the presentation people if i could borrow it, and i remember looking through the booklet thinking how beautiful it was. i think even back then when i was so young i sort of intuitively understood what an amazing songwriter taylor was and how much work and effort she puts into everything she does.

fearless was for me very much an escapism record. i listened to it to enter this realm of magic and fairytales and dancing in the rain that was so far away from my everyday life and issues. i could never really apply her love songs to my life in a direct way, but i still felt like they were relatable for me, in a more abstract way - the feeling that came with them, a sort of freedom and passion, was how i felt in my happiest moments, when i didn’t feel inhibited by fear and doubt as i often did. and her nostalgic and sad moments i could relate to my own nostalgia as well. 

my mom bought me the fanbook for christmas, and that’s when i started being interested in taylor as a person as well., and how she sort of became my role model. i read about her childhood and the way she tried to achieve her dream so hard until she succeeeded. about how she wasn’t afraid to put herself out there, to open herself up completely in her songs. i admired how she put kindness above all else, how in touch she was with her fans, but also how intelligent she was and how all of her decisions in her career were her own, how she didn’t let anyone else take control over what her life or ‘image’ to the public should be. all of those things and values i took to heart and tried to live them in my own life as much as possible. looking back now i couldn’t be happier with my choice of a role model. taylor helped guide me through some years that were difficult, as they are for pretty much every teenager i guess. ‘fearless is living in spite of the things that scare you to death’ was the motto i needed so much in my life, because i was very much defined and trapped by my fears in my teenage years - of social interaction, of taking risks, of failure.. taylor’s music was something i could always turn back to to give me strength.

i remember when speak now was announced, i was excited out of my mind. i wrote the tracklist down onto my computer and kept looking at it. i loved all the released singles so much and listened to them for days on end. i painted 13s onto my hands and danced around the living room. that is one of the main things that comes to my mind when i think of happy teenage memories: this image of me dancing to a taylor swift song. 

speak now was an album that completely blew me away. i loved every single track from the first listen. it is still so incredible to me how she wrote that album completely by herself at 19; how talented she is with lyrics and melodies that completely fit together. i had some fan account back then on twitter and didnt shut up about taylor ever. 

around that time, my parents and i were planning this huge vacation in Calfornia that would turn out to be one of my best - perhaps THE best experience of my teenage years, and we figured out that a the time we wanted to go, the Speak Now tour was in LA. my parents agreed to get tickets because they knew how much it meant to me, and also because they were lowkey fans themselves:D you can’t imagine how happy i was. it was my first concert ever, and the fact that i got to experience it in that huuuge location with so so many other people, it was like a dream. i was pretty far away from the stage at the side, but it was perfect for me - i think the huge crowd would have overwhelmed me. i was completely enthralled by the huge setup, the stage aesthetics, the costume changes, just how big and well planned it all was. i ended up thinking all concerts were like this, but i remember my dad saying that artists usually don’t talk that much during concerts. but taylor told the stories behind her songs, universal experiences that people could relate to, inspirational messages she wanted to get out to her fans. she really cared so much about connecting with all of us. when she was in the love story cage thing flying around the arena she even waved in the direction of our seating area even though we were so far up! 

my favorite song from speak now was always long live, and i had desperately wanted her to play the song for the entire night. i loved all the rest, obviously, but i was telling myself not to be disappointed if it would be cut out. but then, almost at the end, she did play it! you can imagine small!me standing there almost crying quietly singing along in a state of absolute happiness. the memory makes me tear up right now ahhh, it was such an amazing moment. 

then came up the red era, and i remember staying up til super late to watch the announcement of the new album. the thing is...to make it short, red simply came too early for me. i was not ready, and not being able to fully comprehend and appreciate, the emotional maturity and sheer genius of the red album. i did not really like wanegbt at first. when red came out i did listen to it a lot and like it, but like i said, i could not fully appreciate it. hearing the general fandom discussions i feel like a lot of people had a similar experience, because red was such a leap from speak now in terms of the tone of the writing. im also gonna be honest here, i was influenced by the negative portrayal of taylor in the media that kinda reached its first peak back then, and even though i didnt buy into what they said about her because i knew better, it still influenced me like subconsciously, you know? i was also a bit sceptical at her direction towards pop music. so overall, i became a bit distanced from taylor. i felt like i needed to ‘outgrow’ her. a lot of it also had to do with the fact that it was my Edgy Phase where i thought being normal was a bad thing and i wanted to be as Special and Grownup as possible. (i think everyone has that cringeworthy phase sometime in their life but i hate remembering it:D). 

but the thing is, i think i needed that kind of alienation to eventually realize that taylor had grown up just like i had, but that didn’t mean we had to grow apart. by the time 1989 was announced i had actually done a great leap in maturity and had outgrown this thing where you idealize celebrities, and was able to see taylor as a person, with flaws and insecurities like everyone else, and that this didnt diminish her incredible talent of what a kind and wonderful person she is. 

i was not the biggest fan of 1989 itself (multiple reasons; i still liked it though, just didnt love it), but paradoxically, I felt closer to taylor again during the new era than during red. i kinda missed the red era now and regretted that i wasnt more involved when it was there (i still do). but i loved taylor’s new attitude, i was glad she had found happiness in independence and relying on herself. i loved the cat videos and the polaroids and the voice memos that gave insight into the creation of the songs. also, blank space was my jam and still is. since that ive been a huge fan of this super smart move of hers of taking all the things people throw at her and embodying it ironically. iconic!!

so since i was a bit more involved again (though clearly not as much as in my early swiftie days) i wanted to see the 1989 tour, and did! throughout the show i realized how much had changed, but also everything - the important things - that stayed the same (her interactions with the fans, the speeches, etc.) and i had tons of fun. it was like a giant party with strangers - which is obviously a very different feel to speak now, but loved it :D

i was worried that taylor would go into hiatus after 1989 because she always talked about how it was her best work yet, and it broke so many records and won so many awards, that i thought she might be scared she couldnt top it, and taylor always wants to top herself. i ended up being right, though the hiatus was more about all the drama and accusations because people just cant stop being awful. they cant take the idea of a smart talented woman who also shows vulnerability. 

but ive been awaiting a new album all this time, because generally i thought taylor doing pop had so much potential, i just wasnt completely a fan of the general direction of 1989. however....i never would have imagined loving the album as much as i do. i wrote a separate review about it, but basically - i totally love how reputation is big and confident but also super up close, intimate and deep at the same time. it’s darker, but it’s a powerful and sensitive sort of dark at the same time, if that makes sense. i can totally vibe to the general mood of the album because i think i can relate it to how i feel about my life right now a lot. also loving how taylor has truly found a place of happiness and trust after having been let down by ...the world?...so harshly. i love the aesthetic of the magazines and the poems, just everything about this era.

so basically, this album has completely pulled me back again to stanning taylor, and i think it’s kinda beautiful how i’ve come ‘full circle’ and am now back to hyping her music again as i used to :) i connect some of my most life defining and most precious memories with taylor, and i am glad i somehow found back to her and her music as i start off my twenties. 

im looking forward to getting involved in the fandom again so much, and i can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for us all :’)