#one of my relatives was a school janitor for over 20 years — he loved his job and felt good abt keeping things clean
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people really need to start treating janitors and housekeepers better neither profession is ‘dirty’ and the way i have heard people talking about that line of work is disgusting
#as a Latina woman i have heard alllllll the stereotypes abt how it’s my place/my relatives place to be cleaning ladies#that isn’t my job — not that i would mind either career it’s just not where the cards led me#but it’s so?? insane to me that people act like it’s a bad thing#as if your worth can be measured by your career and even if that were true there is nothing wrong with it#one of my relatives was a school janitor for over 20 years — he loved his job and felt good abt keeping things clean#but ppl constantly disrespected him for it#even some of our other relatives who were much better off#it just. really drives me crazy.#🐈⬛
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A deeper look at: Thelonious Monk: Palo Alto (Impulse!/Sony /Legacy, 2020)
Thelonious Monk: piano; Charlie Rouse: tenor saxophone; Larry Gales: bass; Ben Riley: drums
Palo Alto, the much awaited archival find from Thelonious Monk recorded in 1968, serves as arguably the most significant release in two decades in what has seen a number of finds from the iconic pianist. The last 16 years have seen quite a few releases of “new” Monk; Live at The Olympia (Thelonious Records, 2004) the revelatory and now classic Thelonious Monk and John Coltrane at Carnegie Hall (Blue Note, 2005) and Paris, 1969 (Blue Note, 2013) which documented one of the pianist's final bands with tenor saxophonist Paul Jeffry, and a guest appearance from one of the Magnificent 7 of modern jazz drummers: Philly Joe Jones. What makes this new release so important is it stands as a mirror for contemporary times in the present moment-- How music can bring individuals together in times of racial and social crisis.
The dream of integration in the highly segregated town of Palo Alto, California if only for one afternoon, was brought about by a student at Palo Alto High School, Danny Scher. Scher had an unusual and voracious appetite for jazz beginning as an elementary school student, playing in the school band, lead his own dixieland group and taught lectures on jazz history. In order to quench his thirst for jazz, he would speak with local jazz disc jockeys and assist in helping hang up posters for artist's concerts. Knowing this incredible enthusiasm in such a young person was a rare occurrence, the DJ's would give out the musician's phone numbers to Scher so he could start booking them. Thelonious Monk was an idol for the booking prodigy and he contacted Monk's manager to discuss terms for bringing the iconic pianist to play at his high school. However due to racial tensions, Palo Alto being a predominantly white town, and the fact that Scher was promoting a black artist, the tickets for the event, with their (thinking of the present era) incredible $2 price tag were not moving as the community, and country at large were reeling over the death of Robert Kennedy and the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. Further, no one thought the pianist would show.
To complicate things, when Scher phoned Monk at the Jazz Workshop where he was the featured attraction, the pianist was simply unaware of the plans the high school student had to bring him in for the concert. After being assured he could get to and from Palo Alto high school via Scher's brother, in the pouring rain Monk's quartet with tenor saxophonist Charlie Rouse, (a member since 1959), bassist Larry Gales, and drummer Ben Riley arrived in a white van to eager fans, black and white. Scher would later go on to be the most important bookers in jazz and rock, booking and managing Jon Hendricks from his college dorm room, and later working with Bill Graham for over 20 years.
By the time of the October afternoon show, this iteration of the Monk Quartet had been together for five years. Gales had replaced Butch Warren and Riley, Frankie Dunlop. As 1968 rolled around, the pianist was having a tough year. The pianist had been in a coma as a result of several seizures and was being charged for studio time by Columbia, whom his tenure was ending with initially convened with the indispensable Monk's Dream (1962) and by the late 60′s he was playing his music the way he wanted.
Columbia had tried unsuccessfully to market him to the younger demographic, by creating the memorable, outrageous cover to Underground (1968) portraying the pianist, seated at a basement upright piano adorned with bottles of spirits, as if in a saloon, rifle strapped to his side with a Nazi SS member tied up in the background in a bit of absurdity. Monk’s Blues, recorded that same year but released in 1969, flanked Monk’s quartet with Oliver Nelson arrangements, in an attempt at recapturing the vitality and creativity of Hal Overton’s charts for the classic albums The Thelonious Monk Orchestra At Town Hall (Riverside, 1959) and Big Band And Quartet In Concert (Columbia, 1963) but the album was met with mixed critical reaction.
While many Monk devotees regard the groundbreaking Blue Note recordings, his Prestige and most notably Riverside catalog as the pinnacle, he settled into a comfortable groove at Columbia with little in the way of surprises, but the beauty of this newly discovered recording are the levels of interplay it contained. It can be argued that Charlie Rouse, as great as John Coltrane, Sonny Rollins and Johnny Griffin were at understanding the nuances of the pianist's music (Hank Mobley also served an undocumented stint), was the ideal foil for Monk. Rouse did have devices to be sure, but was wonderful at spinning inventive improvisations, as he does on the opening ballad “Ruby My Dear” here, wrapping the tune in a romantic, velvety longing. He finds delight in the uptempo material, launched by the pianist's provocative figures and mining the freedom when he's left to stroll on “Blue Monk” really laying into the cushion the rhythm section sets for him. Larry Gales provided superb bass lines with forward motion to the group and it is fascinating to compare his choruses of walking on The Complete Live At The It Club (Columbia/Legacy, 1998 rel. 1964) to his solos here that get to the heart of matter. He brings an agile fluency to “ Well You Needn't”, flexing his chops, even taking time to humorously quote “Boo Boo's Birthday”. Throughout the set the pianist showcases his gift with melodic variation in a solo rendition of “Don't Blame Me” which demonstrates this to the fullest, his left hand providing steady stride rhythms giving illusions of a complete rhythm section, his right often ornamenting with patented whole tone runs. Ben Riley is unusually energetic and responsive and contributes exciting, extroverted comping on “Well You Needn't” and “Blue Monk” also supplying some strong, inventive soloing, sticking and moving like a boxer with a strong jab and swift combinations. Perhaps the biggest surprise of the 47 minute set is Monk's brief reading of “I Love You Sweetheart of All My Dreams” as an encore. He was always great at choosing some off the beaten path repertoire and his comment to the audience, “we gotta go to work, you dig?” ends the set on a rapturous note.
Sound:
For a recording made by the Palo Alto High School janitor, Palo Alto is surprisingly good. The recording is mono, with Rouse's biting tone palpable, Monk's piano somewhat under recorded in the background. If there are minor quibbles to be made, Gales bass is VERY heavy in the recording and there is a hollowness to Riley's cymbals that carries a bit through to his brush work. All things considered, the recording which is from a 24 bit/44.1 review copy WAV file conveys a certain excitement that the Focal Chorus 716 speakers capture fairly well-- being matter of fact speakers which may be far from glamorous for some, tell the truth.
Concluding thoughts:
While Palo Alto finds the Thelonious Monk Quartet examining their typical set list there is a particularly energy that makes this new find a joy to hear. Those starting with Monk are advised not to start here but at the classic Blue Note, and Riverside recordings as well as a few of the Columbia albums, but for Monk fanatics it's a worthy find. The fact the group was promote harmony in a community and country in turmoil and perhaps the unusual high school gym venue was something that clearly inspired them as they gave the audience at Palo Alto High School a sparkling show.
Music rating: 8.5/10
Sound rating:7/10
Equipment used:
HP Pavilion laptop
Yamaha RS 202 stereo receiver
Focal Chorus 716 Floor standing speakers
Schiit Modius DAC
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a secret admirer
(rated G; 3536 words)
A Reylo Valentines AU from a cute prompt left by @nite0wl29 where Ben leaves secret Valentines cards in Rey’s locker! Thanks for the prompt, beautiful! I hope you all enjoy the adorableness! Happy Valentine’s Day, reylos! ❤
Read it on AO3.
10-20-30-40.
The lock opened into her palm with one firm pull. Rey slipped it out of its place and pulled her locker door open.
She was expecting to find nothing unusual inside her locker when she opened it, because it was her locker. No one knew the combination to get inside besides her. What else should she be expecting besides the same, small magnetic calendar that was two years out of date, but which she was keeping for the cute photos of kittens? What else, besides the little Polaroid pictures of her and her friends? Or the drawing she’d done of a horse that she was still quite proud of. Or the overdue library books, which were shamefully stashed away in the back, behind her textbooks and binders.
No, she did not expect to find any surprises when she opened the door. And yet, there was one, taped to the inside of her door so that she couldn’t possibly miss it.
A card, hand-made with fine, recycled stationary, decorated with gold leaf accents. Her name was printed in beautifully flowing calligraphy on the front, the ink a beautiful navy blue colour. She gasped as she saw it, and the fact that someone had been in her locker didn’t even hit her, so struck was she by the simplistic beauty of the thing.
Carefully, she pulled off the tape which secured it to her door and, leaning into her locker a little, opened it inside.
The same flawless lettering greeted her, along with something that completely shocked her: a hand-drawn portrait of herself, done in graphite and charcoal. In the drawing her hair was pulled back into her signature triple-bun style, and particular care and attention had gone into adding each freckle that graced the bridge of her nose and her cheekbones. Her eyes were downcast; her lashes, long and dark, casting a shadow over her cheeks. It looked like she was studying something, but there was a hint of a smile there upon her penciled lips, as though she had heard something amusing a minute ago. Whoever had drawn this had watched her intently for a little while. They had to share a class with her, she thought.
The other half of the card’s interior was dedicated to a brief but lovely message, which began quite eloquently with the opening stanza of Lord Byron’s “She Walks in Beauty”:
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heavy to gaudy day denies.
- Happy (almost) Valentine’s Day from your secret admirer.
P.S. I hope you like the portrait. Though it can never compare to the real thing.
P.P.S. You should really think about a more challenging lock combination. That was far too easy.
It took Rey another few minutes before she even began to realize how much her cheeks hurt from smiling. She closed the card and clutched it to her chest. She’d never gotten a Valentine like that before! Or at least, she’d never gotten one that didn’t have a cute bear or cartoon character on it, and those certainly never had romantic poetry included with them.
“Lord Byron…” she murmured to herself.
They must be in my English class. We just covered Lord Byron’s work a few days ago…
But…who was it?
She spent the next two days trying to puzzle it out on her own. This also meant that she had paid little to no attention in her English class since receiving the mysterious Valentine. The entire time her eyes had been secretly jumping around the room, as though she could catch someone staring at her, and maybe doodling in their notebook at the same time…
She ruminated the possibility of it being any number of people, but none stood out to her. She even thought about it maybe being her best friend, much to the detriment of her own anxiety, but then she remembered that Finn can’t draw, and he certainly can’t do calligraphy like that. No, it couldn’t have been him.
It was almost maddening, trying to figure it out. She began to second-guess herself. Maybe the Lord Byron thing had been a fluke. Maybe it was someone in her history class, or math. Maybe it was janitor Bob for all she knew.
Rey was starting to feel down on her luck when she opened her locker between fourth and fifth period and something fell out, gliding down to land perfectly atop her shoes. She bent down to grab it and her heart skipped a beat.
Another Valentine! Written on the same paper! Oh, and the writing is the same…
There was no poem this time; instead she found a personalized message just for her:
Rey,
Still can’t puzzle it out, can you? That’s okay. I’m not giving you very many hints, am I? Maybe I should change that for you. I’m a male in your English class, if the Byron poem wasn’t a big enough clue. We’ve had lots of classes together over the years, but you’ve probably never noticed me before, not like I’ve noticed you.
I saw you looking for me the other day in class, though. You weren’t very sneaky about it, but I didn’t mind. You looked right at me for the longest second of my life, and I thought maybe…maybe you saw it in me, but you didn’t. It’s a good thing – I’d rather you see who I am outside of class anyway.
Speaking of, Valentine’s Day is only a week away. Think you can guess who I am by then?
- Your secret admirer
He had gifted her another portrait. This one was done faster than the other, and he’d left it looking half-finished, but she liked it like that. He’d captured her mid-laugh, with that cheesy smile of hers. He’d even gotten her dimples right. Even though his pencil had spent the briefest of time on this page, he’d created something which Rey thought was even prettier than the real thing.
“Whatcha got there?”
Rey jumped and the Valentine slipped from her hands. She bent fast to pick it up but another hand had caught it before she had a chance. Rose Tico’s eyes widened as they saw the beautiful calligraphy on the front of the card, addressing it to Rey.
“Oh, wow…what is this?” Rose inquired. She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Rey. “You’re already getting Valentines? What am I saying…of course you are, look at you.”
“I-it’s nothing,” Rey excused, trying to grab for the card to no avail. Rose kept twisting away, keeping it just out of Rey’s grasp. “Can you give it back please?”
“Who’s it from?” Rose grinned broadly and opened it up, her eyes hungrily skimming over the message. She gasped. “A secret admirer?!”
“Shh!” Rey demanded, finally swiping the card away from Rose now that she was distracted enough. “Say it a little louder why don’t you, I don’t think everyone heard…”
“I can’t believe you have a secret admirer! That’s so exciting and romantic!” Rose squealed, in a much quieter tone. “Who do you think it is? And am I mistaken, or does that message sound like you’d already gotten one card from him?”
Rey sighed, looked at her friend, and figured she had not one hope in hell of keeping this secret any longer. Besides, she thought, she could use the help figuring out who the mystery man was. So, she dug around in her schoolbag and produced the first Valentine, allowing Rose to read it, provided she keep it close to her person so no prying eyes could look over her shoulder and see.
“Wow…this is beautiful,” Rose whispered. “That drawing is…wow…”
“I know,” Rey said, swiping the card back and stowing it safely away, along with the other one.
“Who could it be, though? He said he was in our English class…”
“Yeah, I have no clue,” Rey groaned. “I’ve been trying to figure it out since I got the first card and I’ve gotten nowhere since.”
“Hmm…well, two minds are better than one. Let’s go grab some lunch and Nancy Drew this shit, shall we?” Rose offered Rey her arm, which Rey happily took.
“Let’s.”
The two settled themselves in a secluded area of the cafeteria, safely away from prying eyes or ears. First, they had to remember all the boys in their English class, which took much longer than they thought it would. Once they’d recalled mostly everyone (there were a few relatively new kids whose names they couldn’t remember, and so they were referred to as ‘boy with really thick glasses’, ‘boy who wears the same jacket everyday’ and so on), they began to break it down individually. This too was a little tougher than they had anticipated, once they eliminated all the boys they knew to be in a relationship. They were left with about ten viable options after that, and they had to go through each one and decide if they fit the bill or not.
Rey eliminated four of them right off the bat, either because she couldn’t stomach the thought of them leaving romantic notes for her, or they truly didn’t seem the type to think romantically, let alone write in beautiful calligraphy and make lovely sketches. Then there were a couple who hadn’t said more than one word to Rey since elementary school.
Suddenly, Rose gasped and made a low ‘ohhh’ sound.
“What?” Rey demanded. “What is it?”
“What if…no, he wouldn’t…or would he…?”
“Spit it out, Rose!”
“What if it’s Ben?”
Rey went still. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise but she didn’t move or speak for a moment. Rose was monitoring her reaction with keen interest.
Ben Solo. Tall, dark, with a boyish grin, he was alluring in the most unique of ways. He had thick raven hair and deep, soulful brown eyes; his strong, broad frame was built for endurance and power. But he hadn’t always looked that good. Rey remembered a young, gangly boy, with messy black hair and a pasty complexion, whose ears stuck out a little, running around the playground during recess with his toy spaceships, playing games with his friends.
It had been that little boy who Rey had opened her crying eyes to when she had fallen off the swing and hit her head in second grade. He’d been standing over her, blocking out the sun, and offering her his hand.
“Hi, are you okay? Do you need me to get the teacher?” he’d asked, and his voice had had a minor lisp, because he was missing two of his front teeth.
Rey had sniffed and wiped away her tears, not caring if the sand and dirt smudged on her cheeks. She remembered feeling flattered as she had taken his hand and allowed him to help her up. She hadn’t wanted a teacher to come over, and so he had offered to sit with her for the remainder of recess, until her tears stopped falling. And so they had sat together by the swings and talked and laughed until the bell rang, and by that time Rey’s head had stopped hurting, and she had long ago stopped crying.
“Ben…?” Rey whispered to Rose after mulling it over for a moment. “No…no, it couldn’t be. I haven’t had a real conversation with him since…middle school, I think.”
“So? He seems like the type to pine over a girl,” Rose argued. “You know, I’m sure there’s a proper gentleman beneath that surly exterior.”
“But he has lots of friends. Some of them are girls, even.”
“Again, I ask: so? He’s single, isn’t he?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Hm, well, I’m just saying. If I had to bet on it being anyone, I’d bet on him.”
Hmm…
*
She didn’t receive another card until Valentine’s Day, and even then she didn’t receive it until the day was almost over and she was cut straight through with anxiety.
During that time between card two and card three, Rey had tried desperately not to convince herself that it was Ben writing them to her, but it was tougher than she anticipated. She’d continuously catch herself absentmindedly referring to her secret admirer as Ben, and then she’d proceed to mentally slap herself for doing so. She hated getting her hopes up; she’d had them crushed too many times in the past.
But she was powerless against the idea that it might be him. The thought of him bent over a desk that looked far too small in comparison, his dark locks falling over his brow and tickling the bridge of his long nose, as he penned her part of a Lord Byron poem and sketched her image just made her feel giddy for some reason. It made the cards even more flattering, and she found herself looking at them repeatedly, reading and re-reading their inscriptions.
She also had found herself watching for Ben, something she hadn’t really done before. She’d constantly be looking past someone’s shoulder, or looking over her own, trying to spot him. Every now and again she’d hear his distinct laugh or his deep, warm voice, and she’d stand up a little straighter and fix her hair.
She hated it.
It felt like he had some kind of control over her. Only he seemed capable of making her palms that clammy. She’d find herself getting annoyed at him from a distance. Who does he think he is? Walking around in his dark wash jeans, with his hair all messed up like that, smiling that goofy smile. What have you done to me, you evil, handsome snake…
One of these times, when she was viciously cursing him in her head, her eyes had actually locked with his across the school courtyard. It had just been for the briefest of moments, but in that time it felt like all the sound was sucked from the world and everything around them stopped moving. Rey’s heartbeat hammered in her ears, steady and loud. There was something there, in the space between them. Something visceral and real and tender.
Or maybe it had just been wishful thinking.
And it was that kind of doubt which had fuelled her panic on Valentine’s Day when she arrived to her locker in the morning, after having practically ran the entire way there, only to find no card inside. And it didn’t help when Rose kept asking after every period of she’d gotten it yet, and Rey kept having to answer with ‘no’.
So when she got to her locker, fully exasperated and confused, at the end of the day as everyone else was scrambling to gather their things and get the hell out of there, and found a letter taped to the outside of her locker, she nearly squealed in excitement.
This one was safely kept in an envelope (which she tore open quite quickly). There was no drawing in this one, only an urgent message:
Meet me in the theatre, right now.
She didn’t even put her books back in her locker. She took them with her as she raced past the swarm of bodies towards the theatre at the back of the school. Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and every person who got in her way came perilously close to having their toes viciously stepped on.
This was it, she thought to herself. The mystery was finally coming to a close. She was going to find out once and for all who had been behind all those letters. She was going to see who her Valentine really was.
She braced herself when she got to the theatre doors, taking a deep breath in before pushing them open. Her nerves almost had her trembling.
She walked into a mostly-dark theatre. The only light was a silvery glow angled at the stage, where an old piano sat. Upon its bench was a person, playing its keys slowly and a little awkwardly. Rey didn’t realize she was holding her breath.
Oh my god. It’s him.
The door closed with an echoing click and the piano music abruptly stopped. Ben stood, all six-foot-two of him, nearly knocking the piano bench over in his haste. His eyes landed on hers, all the way across the theatre, and his hands rubbed themselves upon the thighs of his jeans.
There it was again – that crackling in the space between them, like a field of exhilarating static.
“Hi.”
His voice echoed, too; its deep, nervous lull drew her instantly closer. She walked down the aisle towards him, one step at a time, until she had reached the stairs up to the stage. Once there she paused, staring up at him as if she couldn’t quite believe he was really there – and a part of her certainly couldn’t believe that. But the rest of her was internally screaming because, damn it, she knew it!
“Hello.” She said, her voice strangely quiet even to her own ears.
He leaned down and offered her his hand. She appraised it for a moment, her eyes roaming over its lines and freckles, before slowly, temptingly, taking it. Their fingers wound around one another and held on lightly. She took the steps up to join him on the stage.
Suddenly their bodies were very close together. She could feel his warmth and smell his entrancing scent. Her eyes travelled up to his face, and she thought her heart was going to jump from her chest when she saw those deep brown eyes lingering on her; looking at her like they never wanted to look at anything else again.
“So? Are you surprised, or did you puzzle it out on your own?” he asked slowly.
“I…had my hopes up that it would be you,” she answered shyly.
He smiled that incredibly handsome, boyish smile, and it was just for her. She couldn’t help but giggle and smile back.
After a moment, she couldn’t help herself from asking, “Why me?”
“Why you?” His eyebrows raised in surprise. “I thought you’d know.”
She tilted her head, puzzled. “Know what?”
“Ah…do you remember back in like, second grade or whatever it was, when you fell off the swing?”
She blushed. “Yes, I do. You helped me up and wiped away my tears.”
“Yeah, and we spent the rest of that recess talking,” he smiled warmly. “I don’t remember exactly what we talked about…probably silly kid stuff. But, I do remember thinking you were pretty, and that you should never have to cry like that.”
“Even then?” she whispered.
“Even then.”
“Then why…why now?”
“Because…I suck. I spent all these years with a crush on you that I could never move on from and I…I was way too nervous around you because of it. I still am, but I just…well, it’s our senior year, so I thought it was now or never. And I realized I really, really couldn’t stand the thought of it being never.”
Rey hadn’t realized until just that moment that they had been slowly getting closer and closer together. When her chest brushed against his she couldn’t help the gentle gasp she made, or the steady pounding of her heart when he didn’t move away.
One of his fingers brushed a lock of her hair away from her face and she wondered, in that brief moment when his skin made contact with hers, if he could feel the heat he’d created upon her flesh. Did he know what he was doing to her? The undeniable nervousness in his shining eyes said yes, he knew firsthand.
“If I never got to see you like this, if I never got to be alone with you again…I think I’d go mad,” he continued, his voice a softly rasping whisper. “If I never got to kiss you…”
“Then do it,” she begged, daring to place her hands delicately upon his chest. “Kiss me, now.”
His fingers trailed along her jaw as he lowered his lips to hers, and she held his hand there, as she felt the roughness of the stubble on his cheek with her other. His lips were soft upon hers at first, and alluring. He was clearly allowing himself to enjoy every tiny moment of their kiss, and it was so romantic of him, but she couldn’t resist the insatiable pull she felt within herself. She wanted more.
Her fingers threaded themselves into his hair and pulled him closer, holding him there, securing him before her. The feeling of his hand travelling down her side and slipping around her waist almost made her moan. It felt like the world was finally giving her everything she’d ever asked for, and she felt equal-parts thrilled and stunned that it had been right in front of her this entire time.
When their embrace finally ended, they looked at each other through half-lidded eyes filled with stars.
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Ben whispered.
Rey chuckled and let her head settle on his chest. His arms wrapped protectively around her and she felt as comforted as she had that day on the playground.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Ben.”
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What sort of man is Gerhman for you? (Same question as with Maria)
He is a handsome piece of trash and I love him. THE END.
Oh, if only things were that simple! :P I will try not to turn this post into the ramblings of a shameless fangirl but I promise you nothing.
What I want to clarify right here at the start is that Gehrman is, overall, a good man. Yes, he is flawed, yes he is a closet pervert and yes he never really felt guilty for the slaughter of Fishing Hamlet. But all of this is what makes him the more human and relatable character in the Soulsborne series in my opinion and what intrigued me in the first place.
So, lemme give you some juicy and 100% fanmade backstory for this bad boi :P
Gehrman’s character and personality are definitely the results of his upbringing. Born frail and sensitive, he was forced into martial training since a young age and denied to pursue what was probably his true calling in life, that of the artisan. He had to ‘grow up fast’ to help to sustain his family (Gehrman’s childhood/teenage years follow the disastrous conclusion of a war between Carim and a foreign nation) and because of that he never got the chance to assiduously attend school. When he got hired at Byrgenwerth as a handyman at the age of 16, he could barely read and write. This poorly paid job was for Gehrman a pivotal turning point, because it allowed him to escape the clutches of his overly strict father and gain access to a world of higher-cultured people such as the students and personnel of the college.
And as time went on and Gehrman proved himself a skilled and hard-working lad, he forged a long-lasting friendship with the college’s gatekeeper/janitor Edmund and the sinister but caring scholar Dores. These two, are easily the most influential people in his life beside Master Willem. Dores and Edmund encouraged him to get back to study, lending him books and laboratory equipment so that he could put his -rusty, but brilliant- skills at use in his free time and asked Master Willem to grant him the permission to attend lessons alongside the students. Finally able to express himself without neglecting the martial training he got from his father, Gehrman quickly became essential to Byrgenwerth as a whole, serving both as a groundskeeper (and trust me, you need someone like that when your college is located in the middle of a damn forest!) and custodian. Everything that ever mattered to him, everything good that ever happened to him and that gave Gehrman some sense of pride or accomplishment was tied to Byrgenwerth and to the benevolence of Master Willem who provided him a place where to stay in exchange for his services. No wonder the soon-to-be First Hunter would become fiercely loyal to the Byrgenwerth’s cause to the point of self-detriment.
When the scholars unlocked the entrance to the Tomb of the Gods and faced the horrors of the Labyrinths for the very first time, Gehrman was right in the front line, clueless an unprepared. That first ‘hunt’, that resulted in dozens of students getting killed and our ‘hero’ crippled and scarred for life, was an experience so horrifying and traumatizing that most people would’ve just called it quits “Fuck the college, I’m outta here, I don’t get paid enough for getting my face eat by giant undead werewolves”-style. But Gehrman, somehow, probably out of fear of losing everything he ever cared about now that Willem considered him useless because of his injury, endured. He swore to himself he would find a way to fight the beasts and vanquish them and as his leg healed after the amputation he spent months researching and tinkering with weapons at his (at the time, quite small and disorganized) worktable. During that time, Willem hired several groups of mercenaries hoping that they would be able to clear at least the first floor of the Chalice but obtained no concrete results. Still bound to his wheelchair, Gehrman observed their equipment and strategies, trying to grasp what those experienced warriors were doing wrong and what he himself would do wrong in following his father’s teachings. Once able to stand on his two legs once again, Gehrman asked the captain of the mercenaries to listen to him, offering some advice and explaining what he had learned from the Pthumerian texts Dores was able to translate. The mercenary scoffed him at first, but then decided to listen to what the young man had to say and asked him for a demonstration. Impressed by the rudimental but quite efficient trick weapon (Gehrman’s first creation was the Saif, in my headcanons. Not the Burial Blade) the captain allowed Gehrman to train with his men and share his knowledge and tricks with them. The next expedition in the Chalices would be their biggest success so far and that very night Gehrman would come back to the college with a wide smile on his blood-smeared face and the severed head of a Scourge Beast as a trophy. He was 24 years old :3
But the real story begins almost 20 years later. 20 years that Gehrman spent devoting himself to the Hunt completely, perfecting his techniques, forging new weapons and taking the place of the captain of the mercenaries becoming, in fact, the Hunter Chief of the group, now composed of more than thirty members, all students of his. He came from nothing and crawled his way up to the top, taking pride in his accomplishments despite the fact that he had to put aside everything else, including his private life (which had been quite depressing and lonely since his childhood friend, Therese, married someone else) and with the constant awareness that everything he has is still just a kind concession of Master Willem and that he could lose everything in the blink of an eye. His workshop, his money, even his comfy studio filled with mechanical creations, everything belongs to Byrgenwerth.
Even now, as a grown-ass man with a reputation and devoted students of his own, Gehrman is still very much the same insecure boy he was when he joined Byrgenwerth. He still holds a grudge towards his father (it’s a mutual thing) is a walking disaster around women, is very dependable on Dores and Edmund and never questions Master Willem’s orders, not even the more despicable ones. And trust me, Willem often asked him, Dores and Edmund to do things that are, to put it simply, quite fucked up. For science, of course.
Overall, Gehrman means well. He does his best, tries to be impartial when it comes to his students and genuinely cares about their safety and well-being. He has seen many of them die in the course of his career and always blamed himself for their demise. Even if they signed up a contract knowing what they were getting into, that doesn’t make the departure of a colleague or friend any less painful for him, reason why he takes upon himself the responsibility of finishing off his students on the battlefield if there’s nothing that can be done for them. He is a really demanding teacher (which reminds him of how his father used to treat him and Gehrman kinda hates himself because of that. Yep, he definitely has daddy issues) and someone who wouldn’t hesitate to kick you out if you don’t behave, but he would do this only because he doesn’t want to see you dead.
Surprisingly, all the above also applies to Maria. No matter how much into her he is, during training, he never treated her differently than his other students. Never went easy on her because of her higher social status or the simple fact that she is a woman. (I mean, Gratia, Izzy and Henriett are women as well and they know that Gehrman doesn’t give a damn and they are glad he doesn’t.)
Speaking of which, it’s time to make this post even longer and spend a few words on Gehrman’s mania. He immediately found Maria extremely attractive since their very first encounter, and in a genuinely perverted way at that. He immediately had his mind filled with all sort of naughty thoughts while his reasonable side was there to remind him to “keep dreaming bro, that ain’t going to happen”. And at first, he was kinda okay with that. No matter how beautiful she was, Maria was a real pain in the ass at first and not someone Gehrman would’ve wanted to form any sort of relationship with. So his thoughts were, for quite some time, just thoughts. And not even particularly intrusive ones. But as time went by, the more he got to know Maria the more he realized that she was literally everything he ever looked for in a woman. That was the moment the whole drama began because at that point he became afraid of what Maria would’ve thought of him if she ever found out about his infatuation with her.
That is the point in the story when he began to hide, lie and avoid her while still dying to see her. This part is my favorite because Gehrman is very conflicted and does a bunch of dumb shit in pure cheesy Period Drama style. The worst thing he does is probably idealizing Maria beyond belief, putting her on a pedestal where no one (not even himself) can touch her while gloating about the idea that he is the one responsible for her talent. Which is relatively true, but doesn’t excuse the ‘ownership’ he claims over her skills. On a good note, he is very aware of how twisted his feelings have become and feels guilty about it, reason why he acts cold and distant towards Maria. A behavior that doesn’t fit with that of the other hunters who are now friendly and well-disposed towards her at this point in the story.
His internal turmoil is the reason why I do find Maria’s reaction to his extorted confession absolutely brilliant (props to Daisy who wrote it
Now, I could keep on rambling about these two for hours and about how the Old Blood and its effects on them (and the setting) affected the story but this post is already TOO long XD
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885
What Rhymes With “AKE”?
[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]
1. Does any part of your body ache right now? Not at the moment, but I will say that I’m now sporting several gashes on my arms and fingers thanks to Cooper’s feisty teeth. His grip is a lot firmer now so there’ve been a few times where he was able to grab onto my skin harder than I expected while we played. 2. How do you like your steak? Barely cooked. Blood oozing once I cut into it and all that. 3. Which bone did you last break? I haven’t broken a bone before. 4. How long is your break at work? Back in my internship, we had an hour for lunch and then we were allowed 30 minutes to take a nap. That was awesome to find out, that my boss would give her employees nap time :) The office lights were all turned off and I would even be told off if they caught me working. 5. What did you do over Christmas break? How about spring break? We don’t have spring break. For Christmas I mostly stayed off of social media. Gabie allowed me to open my presents earlier than the 24th because she got me painting stuff and she wanted me to have something to do before Christmas, which is the period where I get most anxious and depressed. Then for Christmas my siblings and I got a Switch from our parents, so most of post-Christmas was spent getting acquainted with it.
6. Do you know anyone named Jake? My fact-checking instructor was a Jake and I absolutely hated his guts. I really don’t like it when a teacher says shit like “I could very much fail you all right now” and says it proudly, and I don’t like how he refused to help and correct us in our articles just because “what [we’re] supposed to do was already covered in a past lecture and [we] should know better.” That’s why we’re enrolled in your class dumbass. We want to learn, but we’re bound to make mistakes too. Anyway, that was four months of pure hell. 7. What’s your favorite thing to bake? I don’t bake a lot but baking cookies has always been nostalgic for me. I love when I get to do it with friends or when my dad allows me to help out in the kitchen. 8. Favorite kind of cake and favorite kind of frosting? Cheesecake. My favorite frosting is either cream cheese or chocolate, especially on my cupcakes.
9. Do you know someone who is fake? Most of the popular girls in my high school were fake but idk, they’ve since seemed genuine in the few times I talked to some of them throughout college. 10. Which lake is closest to you, geographically? Taal. 11. How would you like to make a difference in the world? Ending up the complete opposite of my mom. I just want to prove that some kids don’t always end up the same as the shitty environment they were brought up in. 12. When’s the last time you used a rake? Maybe in high school? We’d have special days where we were assigned to help our janitors and other auxiliary staff ~as a way of saying thanks~ and it’s likely I used a rake at least once. 13. What would you like to take a class in? If I could, I’d take all the history courses that exist. But other than that, I’d love to take a class that covered different countries’ cultures. It was too late when I found out my school has a department that offers classes that taught Japanese, Turkish, Russian, etc. cultures, so that’s a bummer. 14. Have you ever been to a wake before? Yes, a handful. I’ve been to the wake of the relative of my dad’s friend, Sophie, my grandfather...Nacho’s was the most recent. 15. Have you ever used the phrase “for Pete’s sake?!” Maybe once or twice. I’ve gone with its more inappropriate sibling, for fuck’s sake far more often. 16. When’s the last time you felt wide awake? Saturday evening. 17. Do you know how to change the brakes on your car? No. I always forget that you can do that, lol. 18. Do you enjoy listening to Drake? Sure, especially his songs that came out while I was in high school so from 2012-2016. Again, nostalgia just hits differently when it comes to his older songs. 19. When’s the last time you’ve seen snowflakes? Never. 20. Have you ever been called a flake before? I don’t think so, no. 21. When’s the last time you felt your body quake? Two days ago. I walked into the kitchen as my dad was kicking away a ball of dust and I thought it was a rat, so my whole body shuddered and shook lol 22. Favorite type of milkshake? Anything unhealthily sweet. 23. Do you ever try to shake something in order to get it to work again? That’s how I was when I still used TV remotes. I don’t shake things as much anymore. 24. Are you afraid of snakes? Only venomous ones, and ones that can swallow humans alive. I’m not scared of all snakes, in fact I’ve held a few and put them around me in the past. 25. Has your life ever been at stake before? Not that I can recall. 26. Have you ever had to do picture retake at school? I don’t know what this means since we don’t use this exact term, but I’ve needed my college ID re-done TWICE because I also ended up losing my replacement ID haha. In the end, my mom ended up finding my actual original ID just hiding in one of my bags. 27. Are remakes of things better, or the originals? Either have the potential to be better, it’s not black-or-white. Like I’ll always prefer the original 1976 Carrie movie, but I know that the most recent adaptation of Little Women got very good reviews too. 28. Do you call them hotcakes or pancakes? Pancakes. 29. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. 30. What’s the last mistake you made? I shared an article about an update on Naya Rivera but I didn’t notice until after sharing it that it came from TMZ, and we all know how shittily they handed Kobe Bryant’s death. Immediately deleted my post after seeing that no other news outlet had confirmed that it was her body that was found.
Still, the team in charge of finding her in the lake confirmed that it was her a few hours after the TMZ report came out. I’m absolutely gutted. 31. What activity would you like to partake in right now? Any activity that would involve going outside. 32. Have you ever had a teacake before? How about a clambake? I’ve had neither. Clambake looks super appetizing though. It reminds me of a seafood paella that’s served at a local Fil-Mex place I love going to :) 33. What is one of your keepsakes? A Ferrari keychain that JM gave me and our other orgmates as a souvenir from his trip to Singapore to watch the Grand Prix last year. 34. Do you like cornflakes? They’re okay. I’d rather eat them as it is though, and not as a cereal. 35. Have you ever made a fruitcake before? Nope. 36. Do you like strawberry shortcake? How about coffeecake? I’ve had a few slices of coffee cake before. 37. Who’s the last person you gave a handshake to? Probably one of the applicants in our org. 38. Favorite flavor of cheesecake? Oreo! And New York-style. 39. Have you ever felt an earthquake before? Yes. Nothing too extreme though, like no books falling off the shelves or anything like that. They were strong enough for it to be just noticeable.
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Disuphere (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 58
CHAPTER 58
8:57 PM
It felt like they stared at each other forever. Mom looked older but the same. Jesus knew he didn’t look anything the same which was why he showed her his scar. That way, she would know he wasn’t lying.
She kept swallowing and there were tears in her eyes. Jesus didn’t like thinking he might have made her upset, so he glanced at the clock on the wall. His heartbeat sped up. Almost 9:00 at night. Only two hours left until He got off work. Jesus had to be sure New Kid was safe, too.
“Mom,” he whispered again, motioning her close. When she leaned in, Jesus whispered in her ear. Gave her His name and the car He drove. Told her which school He worked at as a janitor. Jesus gave her the address of both the school and His house. Then, he said: “Ten days ago, he got another boy. He calls him Caleb, and he’s in the basement right now, and he can’t get out. Please tell the cops to go get him before He does. Tell them to bring a saw or an ax. Something strong enough to cut chains.”
Jesus hovered next to Mom as she gave the other cops all the information Jesus told her. His eyes got big as he watched them leave right away. Everybody but Mom and Officer Saunders, who were there to protect him.
Still, Jesus felt so nervous. What if He was there when the cops got there, and He killed Caleb and used the hole Jesus dug yesterday to bury him in? Jesus paced back and forth. It was the same thing He did when He was stressed. The realization had him lurching for the garbage can and throwing up.
Mom was there, but Jesus kept her back.
“Don’t…” he begged even though the sound in his head was so loud he could see her talking to him but not hear her words. “Don’t touch me, I’m gross.”
The longest six minutes of his life passed, and then Officer Saunders told them Ethan Hall had been found in the basement, at the address Jesus gave.
The noise was starting to clear from Jesus’s head. “Alive? Is he alive?”
“Yes. He’s alive. He’s being taken to the hospital to get checked out.”
“You should get checked out, too, my baby…” Mom said so nicely, he wanted to cry.
(Jesus hadn’t been her baby in so long…)
“Can I look at you?”
Jesus felt Level 3 coming again, fast, but he fought it back. “How?” he croaked in terror. He took a step back even though he didn’t want to.
“Honey, I’m not going to hurt you, okay? I’m your mom. My job is to keep you safe and you are safe right now. That means no one can do anything to you that makes you feel unsafe. If they do, I’ll stop them. I wanted to know if I could look at whatever hurts. Maybe your arms or your legs? You show me when you’re ready.”
“Look with your eyes, not with your hands?” Jesus asked, in a whisper. Seeing Mom made the phrase come back. She used to tell that to him all the time.
“You remember that, yes?”she smiled. “So do I. And I promise, I won’t touch you.”
First, Jesus showed her his hands, blistered from hours of digging. Then, slowly, he knelt and pulled up the same pant leg he had before to show his scar. This time, though, he took his sock and shoe off part of the way, to show the spot where the chain dug in around his ankle all yesterday.
Just like she said, Mom looked but didn’t touch. Then she said: “I think we should go to the hospital, just to make sure you’re okay.”
“I am,” Jesus said, sure.
“I can see you’re very strong. You’ve had to be, yes? You’ve had to be strong and say you’re okay, even when maybe you weren’t? Even when, maybe, your hands were sore? And your ankle? I’d like a doctor to look at them.”
“Why?” Jesus was scared but didn’t know why exactly. “You looked at them already.”
“I did, but I’m not a doctor--”
“Child and Family Services need to interview the boy,” a dude cop said.
Jesus hid out behind Mom. “I wanna stay with you. Let’s go to the hospital or whatever.” Anything to get away from the dude cops and all their questions.
They left right then, after Mom yelled at all the cops that interviews could wait. They rode in Officer Saunders’ car which was so much better with Mom and no handcuffs. He sat next to her and stared out the window.
At 9:14 (Jesus checked the time), a cop said on the radio that they had arrested Chris Mitchell.
“Where’s my backpack?” Jesus asked, worried. If He got taken to the very same police station, He could see Jesus’s bag and know it was him that told.
“It’s safe,” Officer Saunders reassured. “So are you. Right, Mom?”
“That’s right. We’ll get your backpack as soon as possible, love.” Mom said. “Getting arrested was smart thinking. What made you think of that?” she asked, not moving as he grabbed her arm and leaned against it.
“You. In my head.”
“I told you to get arrested?” Mom asked, like she might laugh.
“Brandon told me if you break stuff at a store, you get arrested. You agreed with him.”
“Well, I guess I can’t argue with me, now, can I?”
“Nope,” Jesus said feeling almost normal.
“We were with you in your head?” Mom said quietly.
Jesus nodded. “Yesterday, you were there a lot.”
“I’m so glad. I’m so glad you didn’t think you were alone. You know, I did talk to you, too? I came to your room and said goodnight to you every night.” She sounded all emotional - like He would make fun of - but Jesus never will.
“Did I say it back?” Jesus wondered instead.
“No. Not that I could hear.” She sounded sad.
“Don’t worry,” he said, squeezing her arm. “I’ll say it back now.”
9:45 PM
It took forever to get to the hospital, but that was okay, because Mom was there. When they got there, there were tons of cameras and Jesus froze, and buried his face in Mom’s arm.
“I don’t like cameras…” he said.
Even though his voice was muffled against Moms sleeve, Officer Saunders still understood. “I have a blanket, Stef,” she said, reaching over the seat.
Jesus flinched and didn’t think. He just slid off the seat onto the floor of the police car. Mom talked to him for a while about how Officer Saunders was giving them a blanket so Jesus could cover himself. That way the cameras couldn’t see him. Even though he still felt like he was trapped and couldn’t breathe, he wanted that blanket. Eventually, he sat back on the seat and Mom told him how to put the blanket so nobody could see him if they tried to take his picture.
The flashes were bright inside the blanket, but Mom and Officer Saunders were there, protecting him and making sure he didn’t trip.
When he was safe inside, Jesus took the blanket off his head, but he still held it. It was scratchy, but a scratchy blanket was better than no blanket.
“These doctors are going to help you, okay?” Mom said.
“Will you stay and guard the door? In case He gets free?” (They had TVs all over the hospital, reporting that Ethan Hall had been found alive with Jesus. He always watched the news to see if anybody was talking about Him.)
“You bet.”
Jesus had to change into a gown like a dress. They checked his smashed finger from before sixth grade. His hands. His wrists. But when one dude doctor said he had to look at Jesus’s junk, he screamed and fought:
“I’m safe now! I’m safe! Stef!”
She was right there like she promised, standing between him and the doctor, blocking Jesus.
“Ma’am,” the doctor said like he didn’t respect Stef at all. “The boy is safe now. We need to be able to do our job here.”
“Officer Adams Foster. San Diego PD.” Stef showed her shield. “This is my son.”
“We have a social worker on the way. You’ll have to wait outside.”
Jesus’s heart beat so loud. (Please don’t go. Stay here.)
“I need you to understand that my son and I have been separated for more than four years. I cannot leave him, especially when he is feeling unsafe.”
“Well, you’ll have to.” Dude Doctor was an ass.
A younger doctor took Stef to make her leave. “Ruby!” she called. “Stay with him, please? Jesus, honey, I’ll be right outside. I’m not leaving.”
“I’m okay,” Jesus said, even though he was shaking. Ruby was Officer Saunders and she promised to stay and not let them kick her out. She looked tougher than Mom.
Jesus couldn’t understand a lot of the medical stuff they said, but when the camera came out, he jumped down off the table and hid behind Officer Saunders.
“Give us a minute?” she asked, and the cameras backed off. Officer Saunders turned to him:
“I know you don’t like pictures, but these are going to help us put the man who hurt you in jail for a very long time.”
“But He already has a bunch of those,” Jesus whined. “Check his phone and his laptop. You guys don’t need new ones.”
Officer Saunders’ face showed something unreadable. “Those pictures will be very helpful, Jesus, but so will these. Can you be brave for me just a little longer?”
Jesus sighed. “I guess…”
After 20 billion pictures, Stef came back to talk to him about what was gonna happen next.
She said rape kit and told him what it was. She said he could be asleep for it, and when he woke up, they’d stay a little longer and then go home together.
“What if I don’t want to sleep?” Jesus asked, nervous. (The only thing worse than being awake for Something Else was being asleep for it.)
“It’ll be very uncomfortable,” a girl doctor said.
“I can take it. I wanna be awake. Please,” Jesus added, because it was always better to be polite, in case it made them nicer.
Stef must’ve seen the way Jesus panicked about going to sleep, because she nodded. “These doctors will explain what they’re doing every step of the way, and why, so you won’t be surprised. Okay?”
“And after, can we go home still?” Jesus asked. That was the only way he’d make it through what was coming.
“Yes. After we’ll go home.”
“Will you be in my head?” Jesus asked.
“Every minute. I promise, my baby.”
Jesus swallowed and nodded as one doctor came toward him. It would be hard, but Jesus would stay here the whole time. No blanking out.
(No more disappearing.)
That way, he could still hear Mom.
10:30 PM
When Stef returned to the waiting room, she found Mike waiting there with coffee. She had forgotten completely that he had come with her, but she breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’m so sorry,” she apologized.
“No. Stef, are you kidding? Don’t be sorry. Is he okay?” Mike asked.
“Relatively speaking,” Stef nodded, not wanting to compromise her son’s privacy. “Oh God. Lena. I told her I’d call her hours ago, but Jesus is gonna need clothes, and I wanna stay close by in case he needs me and the damn press is everywhere, and--”
“I got it. Don’t worry about it. You call Lena. Stick around for Jesus, and I’ll do some shopping. What’s he need?”
“Everything. Jeans, shirt, boxers, socks, shoes.”
“Don’t suppose you’d know what size he is?”
“He’s about as big as Jude. Maybe a little bigger. So around a 10-12. Maybe a 6 or 7 shoe?” Stef managed, wiping her eyes.
When Mike left, Stef took a deep breath. So far, all she’d managed to do was to text Lena to not answer the phone, not to watch TV and make sure the kids didn’t have their phones. Based on her reaction (which Stef just read now - OMG Stef no - with a line of crying faces) Stef knew she assumed the worst.
“Hopefully she answers for me…” Stef said to herself, listening as the line rang for half a second before Lena answered, in tears:
“He’s gone, isn’t he?” she managed, crying softly. “He didn’t make it?”
“What?” Stef asked, too shocked to speak.
“You said not to watch the news or answer any calls...to take the kids’ phones… He’s dead, isn’t he?” Lena sobbed as if her heart was breaking.
“I said that because I didn’t want you hearing half the story on the news, love. Jesus is alive,” Stef managed, through her own tears.
“What?”
“It’s Jesus, Lena. I couldn’t call sooner because I couldn’t bring myself to leave his side. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner.”
“He’s alive?” Lena asked, sounding shocked.
“Got himself arrested breaking smart TVs at a Target in LA.”
“Oh my God! Is he okay? How does he look? Is he there with you now?” Lena fired questions at her.
“The doctors are examining him. Wouldn’t let me stay. But when he’s done, we’re coming home, my love.”
“When? God, I have to clean his room! Will I have time for that? At least to get the clothes off the floor?”
“It will probably be several hours here and then three hours back, so possibly early morning?”
“Oh my God. Are you sure, Stef? There’s no way this is a false alarm?” Lena begged.
“When I went to check him over myself, he said, and I quote, “Look with your eyes, not with your hands.”
“Oh my God it is him!” Lena squealed. “Well, should I tell the kids? Wake Mariana?”
“No, let her sleep. But contact Sanchez and tell her you and the kids won’t be in tomorrow?”
“Good idea. Oh, I love you so much. And tell Jesus I love him so much and that I can’t wait to see him....”
“I will,” Stef promised.
“How are you?” Lena asked, sounding concerned.
Stef thought for a minute and then said the single word that captured everything she was feeling: “Grateful. I’m grateful.”
“It’ll be a long road for him. For us,” Lena observed softly.
“But he’s here. And we’ll go down any road together.”
“Yes, we will,” Lena said.
Stef stayed on the phone, listening to Lena clean. Lena, listening to Stef breathe, and finally break.
Lena just listened, murmuring:
“He’s home now, my love. He’s coming home.”
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WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND – May 11 (Mother’s Day!)
Usually, the second week of May wouldn’t necessarily be a dumping zone, but you’d rarely find a big hit, because whatever movies open are usually going up against the second weekend of whatever big superhero movie is kicking off the summer, usually something from Marvel Studios. That would be the case again this year except that Marvel Studios moved Avengers: Infinity War forward a week, which means that it’s now in its third weekend. That makes it a great time for a little female-friendly counterprogramming as two movies try to take advantage of the Mother’s Day holiday on Sunday.
LIFE OF THE PARTY (New Line/WB)
Actor/comedian Melissa McCarthy is back in theaters with a third movie directed by husband Ben Falcone following 2014’s Tammy and 2016’s The Boss. This is McCarthy’s first movie in almost two years after starring in Paul Feig’s Ghostbusters, and it’s basically a remake of Rodney Dangerfield’s Back to School, in which she plays a mother who goes to college with her daughter after getting divorced.
McCarthy’s been making a name for herself as a comic actress since Paul Feig’s hit Bridesmaids, for which McCarthy was nominated for an Oscar. She reteamed with Feig a number of times after that for The Heat, Spy and the aforementioned Ghostbusters, all relatively big hits. In the last couple years, McCarthy has been seen more on television with regular appearances on Saturday Night Live, which probably has helped keep the attention of her younger fans, so we’ll have to see if her absence from theaters has created a vacuum that needs to be filled. (McCarthy has a couple more movies coming out this year, although they’re smaller releases.)
Life of the Party is a PG-13 comedy which means it won’t be limited by its R-rating, although it still seems like the type of movie that will appeal more to older women than younger ones. Guys? They’ll either go see Infinity Waragain or stay home and catch up on TV, since they’ll be out in force for next week’s Deadpool 2. I personally haven’t seen the movie (thanks for not inviting me to a screening, WB!), but I also haven’t seen much in terms of promotion, which isn’t a good sign.
McCarthy still has enough of a fanbase that I can see Life of the Party opening with $18 million or more, but it doesn’t seem as strong as some of McCarthy’s other offerings in terms of potentially bringing in a wide-range audience, and that’s likely to keep it under the $20 million mark, even if it gets a nice Mother’s Day bump.
BREAKING IN (Universal)
Offering some counter-programming for audiences wanting something a little darker is this high-concept psychological thriller starring Gabriel Union as a mother trying to protect her family during a home invasion of their high-security home. It’s the latest thriller from Will Packer, who has had quite a few hits among African-American audiences including Think Like a Manand its sequel, the Ride Along movies as well as last year’s summer comedy hit Girls Trip.
For this one, Packer is teaming with Final Destination and American Pie producer Craig Perry and director James McTeigue, who is best known for doing 2ndunit with the Wachowskis and directing V for Vendetta. Packer previously produced thrillers Obsessed, which grossed $68 million,and No Good Deed, which grossed $52.5 million after opening with $24.2 million. Both movies were quite profitable since they were made for less than $20 million, and this is Packer’s fourth movie with Union, who has carved a nice niche for herself among African-American audiences with movies like Love and Basketball, Bring It On and others.
Universal is well aware of the movie’s Mother’s Day weekend opening and the business it can bring in from women who happen to be mothers with the tagline for the film being “Payback Is a Mother,” which could give the film a nice bump on Sunday it might not have received otherwise.
Breaking In is opening in over 2,500 theaters, which is more than No Good Deed, but it’s about a thousand less theaters than Life of the Party, which means it’s likely to end up in third place with somewhere between $13 and 16 million. (I will add a caveat here that I tend to under-estimate Packer’s films, maybe because I don’t see nearly as much as the marketing as I should to be able to gauge interest in his movies.)
This week’s Top 10 should look something like this…
1. Avengers: Infinity War (Disney/Marvel) - $60 million -48% 2. Life of the Party (New Line / WB) - $19 million N/A 3. Breaking In (Universal) - $14.8 million N/A 4. Overboard (MGM/Pantelion) - $7.1 million -51% 5. A Quiet Place (Paramount) - $5.4 million -30% 6. I Feel Pretty (STXfilms) - $3 million -38% 7. Rampage (New Line/WB) - $2.8 million -45% 8. Black Panther (Marvel/Disney) - $2.1 million -32% 9.Tully (Focus Features) - $2.1 million -37% 10. Super Troopers 2(Fox Searchlight) - $1 million -49%
LIMITED RELEASES
There is an absolutely CRAZY number of specialty releases this weekend, and as before, I’ve seen merely a handful of them, although there’s definitely some intriguing options to the wide releases if you live in a big city.
We’ll start with one of this week’s stronger genre films, Coralie Fargeat’s action-thriller Revenge (Shudder, Neon), starring Matilda Lutz as Jen, a young woman on a romantic getaway with her married boyfriend. When his two hunting buddies join them, one of them rapes Jen, and as she tries to escape, she falls off the edge of a cliff. Left for dead, she somehow survives and returns to get…. Okay, you read the title of this movie, right? Then you kind of know what to expect. I liked the movie but didn’t think it went far enough in terms of Jen’s revenge. It was gory enough, sure, but the trailer’s better than the actual movie.
I saw Michael Pearce’s Beast (Roadside Attractions) at Toronto last year, and it was also okay, starring Jessie Buckley as 27-year-old Moll, who has led a sheltered life in a small island community when she meets Johnny Flynn’s Pascal, a stranger who Moll is immediately attracted to. When she learns he might be responsible for murders, she worries that moving in with him might be a mistake. Ya think? It opens in New York and L.A.
Anton Chekhov’s play The Seagull (Sony Pictures Classic) gets the big screen treatment with an all-star cast that includes Elisabeth Moss, Saoirse Ronan, Annette Bening and Corey Stoll, directed by Michael Mayer (Flicka). Bening plays aging actress Irina Arkadina who visits her brother Pjotr and son Konstantin (Billy Howle, who is amazing in the upcoming On Chesil Beach, also starring Ronan), bringing a novelist Boris Trigorin with her. A young girl named Nina falls in love with Boris but is rejected, and man, this does sound a lot like a Russian play. I haven’t seen it and have no interest in seeing it, but it will open in New York and L.A. if you do.
Gemma Arterton and Dominic Cooper reunite for Dominic Savage’s The Escape (IFC Films), which opens in New York at the IFC Center and L.A. at the Laemmle in Santa Monica. Arterton play Tara, a woman who wants to ESCAPE from her boring and mundane life, something her husband (Cooper) doesn’t understand. I love Arterton as an actor, and I’ll definitely try to see this one soon, as she can do no wrong in my book.
Timothy McNeil’s rom-com Anything (Paladin) stars John Carroll Lynch as Earl, a widower who moves to L.A. to be with his family who rents an apartment in a bad neighborhood, meeting all sorts of characters include Freda (Matt Bomer), his transgender next-door neighbor. The film also stars Maura Tierney, and it opens in select cities Friday, including a first-run at New York’s Roxy Cinema, which looks to become a player in the city’s thriving indie theater business.
Vaughn Stein’s Terminal (RLJE) looks to give Revenge and Breaking In a run for their money with its tagline “Revenge never looked so good”… and it stars the beautiful Margot Robbie, so it might have a point. It’s about two assassins on a mission to kill a teacher, a janitor and a waitress, and it co-stars Simon Pegg, Mike Myers (where has HE been?!?), Max Irons and Dexter Fletcher. It’s in select theaters and On Demand/Digital HD.
The Japanese Anime film Lu Over the Wall (GKIDS) from Masaaki Yuasa (Mind Game), this one a family-friendly adaptation of the fairy tale about Lu, a mermaid who comes ashore and joins a middle school rock band, taking them to great fame. It opens in a bunch of theaters.
Let’s get to this week’s docs…
Sara Driver’s Boom for Real: The Late Teenage Years of Jean-Michel Basquiat (Magnolia) looks promising, and it’s fairly self-explanatory from the title. Jennifer Peedom’s Mountain (Greenwich Entertainment) is a doc about mountains… what else?
I can highly recommend Filmworker (Kino Lorber), Tony Zierra’s documentary about long-time Stanley Kubrick accomplice Leon Vitali, who played Lord Bullingdon in Kubrick’s 1975 film Barry Lyndon and then went on to become Kubrick’s right-hand man on films like The Shining. This intriguing doc is a must-see for Kubrick fans, and it’s opening at the Metrographin New York in conjunction with an 8-film retrospective, some of which I haven’t seen on the big screen. Filmworker will open in L.A. at the Nuart on May 18.
Always at the Carlyle (Good Deed Entertainment) is the new documentary from Matthew Miele, which looks at the Upper East Side institution whose guests have included George Clooney, Wes Anderson, Anthony Bourdain and more. It’s opening at the Quad Cinema in New York and elsewhere.
Other films out this week include Jim Loach’s The Measure of a Man (Great Point Media), based on Robert Lipsyte novel One Fat Summer, about a bullied teen and starring Judy Greer and Donald Sutherland; Pat Kiely’s comedy Another Kind of Wedding (Vertical) starring Kathleen Turner (holy shit! Where has SHE been) and Kevin Zegers; Elissa Down’s The Honor List (L) about a group of teen girls who go on a journey to fulfill their bucket list after tragedy strikes; and Eric Stolz’s teen comedy Class Rank (Cinedigm ) starring Skyler Gisondo, Olivia Holt, Bruce Dern and Kristin Chenoweth. I tell you, that’s a lot of talent for a bunch of movies that are mainly getting digital/VOD releases this weekend.
This week’s Netflix offerings include its new true crime series Evil Genius about one of the strangest bank heists ever, and the streaming network will also premiere something called The Kissing Booth from Vince Marcello, which stars Joey King as a girl who has never been kissed so she starts a kissing booth.
That’s it for this week… I’ll be back next week with my thoughts on Deadpool 2!
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Car Insurance Problem Please Help!!!?
"Car Insurance Problem Please Help!!!?
Hi everyone, somebody hit my car and drove off about 3 weeks ago. I phoned my insurance up and made a claim, the problem lies now on my son, who is the addtional driver and who hasnt been driving my car because he doesnt need to. The problem is that he has had drink driving conviction and no insurance conviction for about 3.5 years. Prudential my insurance company want to see my licence and his licence counterparts, BUT we completely forgot about the convictions etc. So now I have a problem where i think my insurance will be void but he doesnt drive the car nor was he involved in the accident. What happens now as they have requested both photocopies of our licences, is there a way out of this, thank you
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I have had Progressive for many years and no claims.We do deserve cheaper rates because of our age and driving record and low mileage. I recieved a much lower quote from Indiana Farmers Mutal Insurance. I have a 2000 Tahoe that is like right off the show room floor and I understand most companies are allowed to relace parts from a junk yard or for much lower than would it would cost unless it is under 2 years old. Has anyone placed a claim with either of these companies and what was your satisfaction? Because of the condition of our Tahoe, which is perfect and just over 30 thousand miles and a limited edition, who has ideas on the best auto insurance out here in Indiana?""
I need good car insurance?
i just got a car, and it isn't insured for the road. it's a 2002 mercury cougar and it's pretty pricey for insurance, in between 400 and five hundred. i live in ontario canada and i was wondering if anyone has any recommendations for insurance, the cheapest quote i got was from bel air insurance and that will run me around 400-500 a month, anybody know of a cheaper insurance company with fairly good coverage? i am 16 years old getting my g2 in january and i have completed drivers ed. please help. and also anywhere i can get free quotes would be great too. thanks!""
""Any good, affordable companies to get life and disability insurance from?""
Any good, affordable companies to get life and disability insurance from?""
Can I put my mom in my health insurance?
Can I put my mom in my health insurance?
Car Accident in Michigan and no insurace?
I was in a car accident in Michigan and did not have car insurance, police did come, i did not recieve any tickets and it was determined that it was not my fault but my car is messed up pretty bad and so is the other car, now i am wondering even though the other driver said it was his fault and said his insurance would pay for it I know does not neccisarily mean that it will, but I did read somewhere that I might be counter sued, or that i may just have to pay his deductable, does anyone have any insight about this and what I should expect or expect nothing at all, yes i know i should not of been driving a vehile without atleast plpd but the car is not mine and not in my name so please no rude comments just asking for advice about the situation. Please and Thank you ;)""
I Need Car Insurance Help?
I am about to buy a new car and will be 17 maybe 18 when i get it. Its a 350Z so it has to be 6 cylinder which means its a sports car. How much will it raise my insurance.
Best Place to get a Car Insurance Comparison Free Online?
What sites are best for car insurance comparison? I am trying to find a site that has the widest range of quotes and policies so I can pick insurance cover that is right for me, the plan I have that's due to expire soon is terrible and I feel really ripped off. It's just proving really hard to find something affordable and with good quality cover. Has anyone tried a car insurance comparison site that offers quotes from more than just the usual four or five insurance providers?""
Can I lose my job for not having insurance?
I have heard so many different things. But I called my job today and I found out that they are offering insurance but it is to high to buy for me because it would cost $30 per week. ...show more
Being denied by insurance for pizza delivery?
I applied for a driving postion at a local pizza resturant, and when i went in for the interview I was told so long as the insurance approved me i would start training in a week, and when i called today i was told the insurance did not approve me, and was not given a reason why, and i have no tickets or accidents at all on my driving record, any body in the insurance or pizza delivering bussiness know possibly why i was denied by the insurance?""
What is the best place to find cheap autoinsurance for teens?
i am getting my licence soon so i will need car insurance. i will not be getting a car just using my parents car. is there any really cheap auto insurance that you all can help me find. thanks P.S. please and the link you found so i can click on it and check it out
Car insurance scenarios?
i need help with a few car insurance scenarios, please. 1) A seventeen year old male has just purchased a used Corvette. Three insurance companies have turned him down. Is there any type of plan that will let this person buy insurance? What type of coverage will this person probably only be able to purchase? 2) A friend has just bought a two year old mid-sized car. What type of coverage would you recommend? 3) You just purchased a ten year old compact to drive back and forth to school. What type of coverage should you buy? If you could explain why, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm not exactly sure if the information given is enough to explain, based on what I know.""
How much does it cost a 16 year old to insure a Jeep Wrangler?
Hi; I'm a 16 year old girl as of next month and I'm looking at cars. I'm trying to find a car that is good on gas, cheap to insure, not too expensive to buy, and not an embarrassment to drive. The three cars I am looking at right are the Jeep Wrangler, the Dodge Stratus, and the Dodge Neon. I tried to get a quote on the three and was surprised, (Especially at the Neon) to find that I would be paying over 100 dollars for each of them, monthly! Am I looking at an illegitimate quote or is it really that expensive to insure these cars? What kind of numbers SHOULD i be seeing, reasonably? Thanks""
""If you were non-insured for health coverage, what would you prefer?""
Would you rather be under a government-run option that decide who you could see, what procedures are allowed and when you were allowed to have those procedures done? Or would you prefer a tax credit that would allow you to choose a private plan that you want, that allows you to see who you prefer, have the coverage that you need and treat you in a timely fashion? Today the Republicans have proposed an option that would give you such a choice, but Democrats have shut them out and don't want Americans to know that they have such a choice in healthcare.""
Affordable Motorcycle for college student?
I own a car already, and I'm thinking about getting a motorcycle as an option to take. What models are usually affordable for a 18 year old college student?""
Insurance cost for Corvette?
Hey I'm 16 and have quite a bit of money saved for a car so im gonna get a decent one nd i was thinking a corvette. I was wondering about (I know no one knows exactly) how much the insurance is going to be on like a 00 or 01 model. Also if you know insurance cost of a 350z too that would be great. Thanks for the help
Car Insurance Problem Please Help!!!?
Hi everyone, somebody hit my car and drove off about 3 weeks ago. I phoned my insurance up and made a claim, the problem lies now on my son, who is the addtional driver and who hasnt been driving my car because he doesnt need to. The problem is that he has had drink driving conviction and no insurance conviction for about 3.5 years. Prudential my insurance company want to see my licence and his licence counterparts, BUT we completely forgot about the convictions etc. So now I have a problem where i think my insurance will be void but he doesnt drive the car nor was he involved in the accident. What happens now as they have requested both photocopies of our licences, is there a way out of this, thank you
""Does anyone know of an auto insurance provider that does not require a credit check in Vancouver, WA?
I switched from Progressive to Allstate online about a month ago. I started the policy and paid the premium. Now I get a letter from Allstate saying they are unable to carry a policy for me due to my poor credit. I'm angry and totally disagree with my credit score having anything to do with my driving ability. I refuse to do business with any company that uses a credit score to determine auto insurance rates or availability.
""If you have Amica car insurance, how much does 1 speeding ticket cost you?""
I live in Massachusetts. Have a perfect driving record but now I'm charged with 1 speeding ticket. How much more in insurance premiums will it cost me if I plead guilty? It's a regular speeding ticket, not DUI or wreckless driving. THanks""
Can employer force health insurance on me?
I currently have and paid for my own health insurance. I recently got a new job and was told that I had to elect to participate in one of my employer's health insurance plans. I politely told them that I had my own health insurance and wish to opt out of the employer's plan options. My employer told me I had to elect, participate, and pay. Can they make me do this?""
Average car insurance for 17 year old male?
An average second hand car, In the UK.""
Motorcycle Insurance 16yr Old?
I am 16, I am thinking about getting a crotch rocket, and just wanna know about insurance. State: Minnesota Year of bike: 1995-2005 I am thinking 650cc - 750cc I have experience on motorcycles (dirt bikes) I do realize their is some difference I have a grade average of B's or higher.""
How much would basic insurance coverage be for a 19 year old male wanting a 600cc sportbike in NC?
Hello, I am 19 years old. I was looking into getting something like a 2006 cbr600r or Yamaha r6 or something. I just wanted to know how much the cheapest insurance i could get would be? I have a clean driving record. Thanks""
Life insurance for an elderly sick parent??
I want to buy some life insurance for my dad. He is 59 years old and is a stroke victim. He doesn't live with me he lives in an assisted living facility. Is there an affordable life insurance policy that I can buy for him? I tried Globe Life but they rejected him due to his history of stroke and high blood pressure. I am trying to find something that is very very affordable because I will have to be paying for this myself along with my own personal bills. Thanks
Any ideas on how to get cheaper car insurance?
Any ideas on how to get cheaper car insurance?
Do you need insurance on a leased car?
Easy question...do you need insurance on a leased car? I heard that the company you are leasing from takes care of it.
What is the required age for a young driver to drive a VW T4 or T5?
What is the minimum age limit to drive either a T4 or a T5 VW van and does anyone know a rough estimate on how much the insurance would be?
Car and car insurance?
Okay so I want to buy a car. My credit score is 633. I am 19 and in january I opened 2 credit cards which I pay my bills on time. I also have a phone bill i pay on time. If i wanted to buy a 10,000 dollar car or maybe 8,000, I was wondering how much my APR would be and how much my monthly bill would be. Also how much I would have to put down on the car at first. And I was also wondering how much my insurance cost would be seeing that I am a 19 year old female with 2 tickets on her driving record. (One for speeding, one for phone use.) i just need a rough estimation... Thank you :)""
What do Republicans think President Obama health insurance is really about?
Do you think hes trying to give Insurance to poor people on welfare? Because they already have insurance, it's called medicaid. Do you think he's trying to give insurance to lazy people? Because MANY people have jobs that either dont offer insurance or they don't qualify. Perhaps they have preconditions. Also for college students who work part time jobs who don't get enough hours for insurance. Do you know that medical bills are the leading cause of bankruptcy and debt in America?""
18 Year Old Male's Car Insurance?
Hi, I passed my driving test in September 2010. I've been looking at insurance quotes for small run arounds like Renault Clios, Vauxhall Corsa's, Volkswagen Polo's etc but cant find anything lower than 6000, and thats without evening paying another 1400 for the car itself ! I've been thinking about getting insured on my dads Toyota Corolla, its a 1.4 diesel hatchback and he's had his license for 30 years and his premium is 400. If i were to get insured on it the price would be 2500, do you think thats worth it or is it better to shop around and get insured on my own name ? I just want to use the car now and then rather than using it regularly because i dont really need to right now..""
How much do you pay for your car insurance?
I'm just trying to pick a car insurance thats affordable. How much do you pay monthly? Also I'm 22, no driving tickets, my car is a 2005, Hyundai Accent. OR AT LEAST WHAT IS AN IDEAL PAYMENT MONTHLY FOR CAR INSURANCE?""
My son wants to buy a car. Can he use my car insurance?
My son wants to buy a car but he is only listed as a household driver on my insurance policy. He is 23 years old. He lives with me in Pennsylvania. Must he have his own insurance to purchase a car?
How Much Would My Auto Insurance Cost ?
Im a 20 Year old Male in New York City. My Parents never drove so i am looking to start a policy under my name. I bought a 1997 Accura CL Coupe a couple days ago for $2000. I have my Permit and i have my road test in 3 weeks so i should get my license shortly after. I know New York usually has higher rates but i checked a free online quote from Geico & it was about $600 a month / $3600 for 6 months. This looks way too high to me. Is it this high because i don't have my insurance yet ? And how much do you think it will be when i do get my insurance with the state minimum insurance ?
Does anyone have a Pontiac G6 GTP?? i need to know how much car insurance are on the them?? please let me know
Does anyone have a Pontiac G6 GTP?? i need to know how much car insurance are on the them?? please let me know
What factors affect how much i will pay for car insurance?
what are the factors that affect the amount i pay for insurance on a car? im looking to purchase my first vehicle and want to know what i can't afford.
Car insurance help please?
I'm living in Ireland and I'm hopefully getting a car next year. I'll be 17 or 18 when I get it and I'm just wondering about how much car insurance would be for me? I'd be just getting a car like a Honda civic or something like that. Any help is appreciated. Thanks
Approximately how much would Comprehensive car insurance be for these luxury cars?
Im currently doing an assignment where I have to compare running costs of three different cars. I can't get an online quote for comprehensive insurance for these three luxury cars: Let's say the driver is a 30 year old with a perfect history/driving record. BMW 740i (Price: $183,000) Audio RS4 (Price: $187,500) Mercedes CLK-63 AMG (Price: $199,100) How much do you think APPROXIMATELY, the comprehensive car insurance would be for each of these cars? (Annual) AS A GUIDE.""
Auto insurance question in Michigan?
i am making monthly payments on a brand new 2008 colbot that i got in dec 2007. I have shopped around for cheaper full coverage auto insurance, that what i already have. I can't seem to find no car insurance cheaper than what i have. My car insurance is more than my car payment. I have talked to a few insurance companies and we went over different things that could make it cheaper. But, they can't beat the price that i already have. My credit isn't the best, but shouldn't a car payment be more than insurance? Anyone have any ideas where and how i could get a cheaper car insurance policy?""
Can i drive my dads car without insurance?
Alright so i live in Ontario, Canada. I just recently got my G2 licence, and i am dying to drive the car, but my dad isnt sure if he would need to get insurance in my name on the car which i will drive. he already has insurance on the car, however its on his name. Can i legally drive that car if the insurance is not on my name?""
Insurance for first time male driver (16 years old almost 17)?
I'm two months away from being 17 and I'm looking at getting a 2001 E46 BMW 325i. Does anyone have a guesstimate or actual cost to insure myself? Would there be anyway I could insure myself under my parents name to lessen the price?
Chevy camaro insurance?
How much is the chevy camaro insurance a month please answer asap it's important bc my daddy said it's time fa me to starting looking at cars so I can hv one my senior year
Im 16 and trying to get my license but my parents won't let me because of insurance costs
anyone have any ideas?? btw im not allowed to work
Car Insurance Problem Please Help!!!?
Hi everyone, somebody hit my car and drove off about 3 weeks ago. I phoned my insurance up and made a claim, the problem lies now on my son, who is the addtional driver and who hasnt been driving my car because he doesnt need to. The problem is that he has had drink driving conviction and no insurance conviction for about 3.5 years. Prudential my insurance company want to see my licence and his licence counterparts, BUT we completely forgot about the convictions etc. So now I have a problem where i think my insurance will be void but he doesnt drive the car nor was he involved in the accident. What happens now as they have requested both photocopies of our licences, is there a way out of this, thank you
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-penalty-driving-without-insurance-california-joseph-williams"
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Why I Hate School
I know I should be grateful for the education that I have received. I know that many will just view this as the whinings of a teenager. I know that others have it worse than I do. I know.
I just need to vent a bit.
I have been going to the same small, private school since 1st grade. It’s all I know. I’ve had the same classmates for 11 years. I’ve had the same teachers for 11 years. I’ve had the same administrators for 11 years. I know this school better than most.
These past 11 years, I’ve made some observations:
1. Gossip spreads like wildfire. Most of it starts out as truth, but as time goes on it turns into a big lie.
2. If you aren’t in a clique, you don’t have friends. Even if you are the type of person that is friendly with everyone, you don’t have friends.
3. The teachers are either amazing or terrible, depending on whether or not they like you.
4. 75% of classwork is busywork, and is completely unnecessary.
5. 75% of homework is busywork, and is completely unnecessary.
6. You can work as hard as you like, but in the end you and the person who didn’t work at all will get the same grade.
7. Discipline is relative. If you are a good student you will get punished more than a student who gets in trouble more often.
8. Carpool is a lie. One parent ends up driving every one else’s kids. It’s never fair. It’s just like having a bus, but free.
9. Everyone was “best friends” with students, alumni, and teachers that died.
10. There are very few boys who you can date because most boys either have a girlfriend, are socially awkward/ complete jerks, or are gay. Seriously, you would be surprised at how many gay couples can be found in a Christian school.
These are but a few, but I don’t want to bore you. How about a real life example?
The worst experience I’ve had at this school (by far) was my 5th grade/ 7th grade teacher. Thankfully, I don’t have any classes with her, but I still have to see this woman everyday.
It all started when I got sick during school. I was in 5th grade, and I was mortified when I came in from lunch and barfed all over my desk. My teacher was pregnant at the time, and when it happened she ran out of the room because she didn’t want me to get her baby sick. The teacher then called for all the other children to leave the classroom so that they wouldn’t get sick either.
She called the janitor before she called the nurse. It was actually the janitor who called the nurse for her. I don’t remember much else from that day except that I went home early, and that once I came back, 5th grade would never be the same.
My teacher had liked me before. The class was challenging, but she was always there to answer questions. She wasn’t nasty to me, and I did not hate her. I did not understand why other kids in the class didn’t like her.
When I came back from being sick, my desk had been moved as far away from my teacher’s as possible. She would no longer answer my questions, and when she did she complained that I wasn’t smart enough. Suddenly, my papers that I wrote were getting worse grades.
She also had this weird policy in math where she gave certain kids one homework and other kids another. She said it was because she didn’t want us to cheat. The reality was that one homework was significantly easier than the other. She switched me to the harder homework. Suddenly, homework that would take me fifteen minutes took me over an hour. This was just math- I had other homework, too. I started my homework as soon as I got home every day (around 4pm), but I wouldn’t finish it until 8 or 9 pm. I was in 5th grade. It’s no wonder why I would always cry on my way home from school everyday.
I remember we had this kid in our class who had autism (my parents were close friends with his so I knew this kind of stuff), and one day my teacher spent a solid 20 minutes yelling at him. She told him he was retarded and would never have a future. My whole class watched, horrified. He was sobbing the whole time. He never came back to our school after that day.
Eventually, 5th grade ended and my teacher left to have her baby. I was so happy to finally be done with her! But it didn’t last for long.
In 7th grade, she was hired again as a math teacher. My math teacher. I though that since 5th grade had been a long time ago, she would have forgiven the sins of my past, but no. She was just as viscous as ever.
She still had the different homework policy in place, and I was once again put in the hard group. I think I learned most of my math from my parents that year, because she refused to answer any of my questions because I “wasn’t listening.”
The worst part of that year was when she called me out in front of the whole class. I get it. I was in 7th grade. I was weird and crazy and still going through my anime phase. But looking back, I think this is where my social anxiety stems from. I still remember her calling me up to the front of the class (which really surprised me, since she still treated me like I had the plague) and saying these exact words:
“I don’t know why you think you’re funny. You’re not- you’re just annoying. Everyone in your class thinks it. And the more you try to fit in the worse you get. Don’t you understand that no one wants to be friends with you? Why do you keep trying so hard. You’ll never fit in. You aren’t smart. What are you even doing here?”
When I told my parents, they must have thought I was overreacting because they said, “Just deal with it. It’s not that bad.”
I barely talked to anyone for the rest of the year, fearing that I would just be bothering them. I lost basically all of my friends during this time.
Ever since then I’ve had to hang out with the outcasts. I don’t feel like one of them. To me, they are hopelessly socially awkward. They’re the closest things to friends that I got. I feel like a terrible friend though. I don’t like them at all. People don’t like to hang out with me because they associate me with them. I can’t make new friends. So I just hang out with them, so that they can have a shitty friend, and so that I don’t feel so alone.
And I know what you’re thinking, “Why don’t you just talk to your parents and have them send you to another school?” Trust me, I’ve tried. Both my siblings, who are alumni of that school, have tried for me. They’ve had similar experiences.
My parents love this school because they want me to grow up in a Christian environment. I don’t mind that so much. But they are blind to the obvious flaws that this school has. They think that the good outweighs the bad. But it doesn’t.
Our school has basically no fine arts program. They education is second only to sports. Most teachers don’t care. Most students don’t care.Those of us who do work hard get the same grades as those who don’t. We don’t have a guidance councilor. Our school is barely accredited. The church takes all the money the school makes for its own ministries.
I have two more years left. I really hope it gets better.
#personal#school#why i hate school#private school#small school#ventings#all this is true#believe it or not#text#text post#serious
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'Air Bud' is good
20 years later, a fresh look at the classic film.
I’ve never seen Air Bud. Think about how weird that is: The movie came out in 1997. I was eight, the perfect age to see a movie about a dog that plays basketball. Everybody saw Air Bud. Everybody loved Air Bud. The Air Bud franchise was to children in the ’90s as the 50 Shades of Gray franchise is to suburban moms now, just with more sports and no sex stuff.
And yet, I missed it. I blame this on the fact that I’m an only child whose parents are more into Proust than they are Disney movies (they’re very smart and wonderful people). But because I didn’t have cable or siblings to tell me what was cool, I grew up watching PBS and not knowing the lyrics to the Spice Girls’ songs. My 1990s cultural blindspots still haunt me. Case in point: Kel Mitchell went to Super Bowl media night as his Good Burger character, and I got mercilessly roasted when I asked my colleagues who the guy in the fast food uniform was.
I’m telling you this to explain why I’m sitting at my desk watching Air Bud in the SB Nation offices at 4:25 pm on a Thursday. This year marks the 20th anniversary of the film’s release, the NBA trade deadline is over, the Oscars are this weekend. I felt like only way I could create content of dubious quality honoring all three momentous occasions at once was to finally watch Air Bud and blog my experience.
I also want to see if you guys have been right this whole time. Is Air Bud as good as everyone’s been saying it is for the past 20 years? Let’s find out.
HERE WE GO!
The movie opens on an idyllic country road, and, oh my god, what is happening? A giant wooden clown head is cresting over a hill. It’s perched on top of a pickup truck driven by a guy dressed as a clown.
I’m confused. Is this a horror film or a movie for children? Is Air Bud actually the prequel to Saw? Has everyone has been lying to me about this movie a part of some sick, elaborate prank?
Things start to make more sense when I see a dog in the back of the pickup truck. I’m pretty sure it’s Air Bud himself, dressed up as a clown.
It turns out that Bad Clown Dude performs at kid’s birthday parties, and Air Bud is his sidekick who does tricks with balls. Bad Clown Dude is a real dick. He beats Air Bud and decides to take the dog to the pound after things go awry at the party. I hate this man with my entire being.
Fortunately, the gate of the pickup truck is down, so Air Bud’s crate — with Air bud locked in it — falls out the back. Trucks are screaming by as he’s trapped in the middle of the road, and then he gets hit by a car.
I mean, not, like, badly, but hard enough so that his crate topples over and he pops out. I know I’m not supposed to laugh right now, but a dog in a clown suit is pretty funny. The mom driving the SUV that hit him is like, “Huh, hit a dog, whoops,” and then keeps driving.
What kind of monster hits a dog and doesn’t stop to save it?
We can tell that her son Josh — who’s sitting up front because no one gave a damn about air bags in the 1990s and we all turned out okay, okay? — is the main character by the way the camera lingers on his face. He longingly watches Air Bud trot down the road behind the car.
Josh and his family have just moved to Fernville, Washington to be near his mom’s relatives after his dad passed away. A shot of Josh in his empty room holding a box of stuff shows us how lonely and sad he is. In the kitchen, Josh’s mom is on the phone having conversation that clearly isn’t relevant to the plot but intrigues me, because I hear her say, “I understand that Bolivia didn’t get the napkins, and Venezuela did?”
“Napkins” is definitely code for “cocaine.” Josh’s mom is an international drug lord.
Drug Dealer Mom hangs up on whatever cartel runner she was talking to and asks Josh how school was. Josh says his first line of the whole movie: “It sucks.”
School does, indeed, suck; Josh tries to sign up for the basketball team, but the asshole coach makes him be the manager instead. I feel bad for the kid, but things start looking up when he finds a magical basketball court behind his house. It’s on the edge of a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains, and it’s a good thing Drug Dealer Mom is a kingpin, because otherwise this family wouldn’t be able to afford such prime real estate.
There are bits and pieces of a clown suit strewn about the court. We hear barking from the bushes. And then ****SPOILER ALERT**** Air Bud shows up! He eats a pudding cup that must’ve fallen out of Josh’s backpack. Pudding can’t be good for dogs, but Air Bud is dirty and hungry, so we aren’t supposed to care.
Josh picks up a basketball and tosses it to Air Bud. Because he’s a trained clown dog, Air Bud can balls out, and the two pals have the time of their lives playing together. I start laughing because it’s so delightful, but I’m also tearing up, because it’s very moving to see Josh finally make a friend.
I’m starting to understand why everyone loves this movie so much.
Josh brings Air Bud home. Air Bud eats Spaghetti-Os in the bathroom, and I will honestly be shocked if this dog is alive in ten minutes given all the crap this boy has fed it. There are five open cans of Spaghetti-Os on the ground. The poor animal is going to have to get his stomach pumped.
Josh is wearing a suit of old time-y rain gear. He gives Air Bud a bath and brushes his teeth.
Drug Dealer Mom comes home from dealing drugs and gets pissed when Air Bud spills paint all over the house. But she lets Josh keep the dog, because if she didn’t, the movie would be over.
Now we’re at the school gym, where Josh meets a kind, older man who works as a janitor there, because what would a ’90s movie be without a non-threatening black man whose backstory is developed just enough — but not more — to serve the narrative needs of the white protagonist? It turns out that this guy was a great basketball player for the Knicks, and I’m like, “Uh, why would a former NBA player now be working as a janitor at a middle school in Washington state as opposed to sipping margaritas in Tulum or hosting a show on ESPN?”
But I let it go, because I start wondering what happened to Josh in real life. What if Josh is hot now?
He is. I just Googled him. Check out how hot Josh is.
He’s over-groomed, but the man looks good. This is not a Haley Joel Osment situation.
Things are getting better for Josh. Buddy (that’s what Josh calls Air Bud) performs basketball tricks during halftime after Josh makes the team. Josh even has a friend, this kid with an aggressive bowl cut who carries around an orange peel that Scotty Pippen once threw away, as well as a piece of chewed-up gum that Dennis Rodman once spit out. I don’t know where he’s getting all this famous trash. The boys put it in their socks for good luck.
The asshole coach ends up getting fired when the principal catches him pelting Trash Kid with basketballs in a dark gym. This feels a little heavy for a children’s movie, but it works as a plot device, because it means that the basketball-great-turned-janitor can take over the team as Good Coach and preach the beauty of teamwork.
The inevitable Scary Moment Where Everything Could Fall Apart comes when Bad Clown Dude shows up to reclaim Air Bud. Josh steals Air Bud back, but worries that he’s just going to get taken again. So he hops a ferry with the dog and goes to an island.
“Go on Buddy, you’re free now,” Josh says, crying, as he makes Buddy leave him. I feel this sharp pain in my chest. Buddy hops into the water, whining as he watches Josh get carried away.
I’m softly crying. I’m glad I didn’t watch this movie when I was little because I don’t know that I could’ve handled heartbreak at such an early age.
Josh is back at school playing basketball. I’m still broken up over the fact that he left his goddamn dog on a goddamn island. But then we hear barking and — could it be?! — BUDDY RETURNS! Thank god I only had to suffer like that for seven minutes.
Josh’s team only has four players on the court because one just got hurt. There’s no rule that dogs can’t play basketball, so Buddy, wearing little doggie basketball shoes and an adorable doggie jersey, checks in. I’m laughing and crying again as I watch Josh and Buddy win the game.
It’s 6 p.m. now, and the office is emptying out.
I breathe a sigh of relief knowing there are only 15 minutes left and more truly bad shit can’t happen. But there’s going to be some slightly bad shit, because Bad Clown Dude shows up again.
Drug Dealer Mom says something along the lines of, “Hell no, you’re not taking my dog!” Bad Clown Dude goes, “I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT!” Donald Trump plagiarized Air Bud.
I guess legal fees don’t matter when you’re Drug Dealer Mom and want to be sure your kid doesn’t lose his dog, because here we are, in court. Thankfully, Good Coach shows up and saves the day; it turns out that he used to be the old, curmudgeonly judge’s favorite player.
Good Coach proposes that Buddy choose who he wants to belong to. After a few suspenseful pump-fakes, Air Bud obviously chooses Josh, jumping up to give him a hug. The movie ends with a huge crowd cheering outside the courthouse.
Hulu asks me if I want to watch Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco. Yes, Hulu, that’s literally all I want, but it would be weird to stay in the office until 9 p.m. watching another kid’s movie about dogs, and I’m emotionally exhausted, so I go home.
THE VERDICT:
Air Bud is good. I love Air Bud. I think I probably would’ve questioned less — why is Josh wearing foul weather gear to take a bath with his dog? Why are bullies in ’90s movies always chewing gum? Why do the feds never show up to investigate Drug Dealer Mom? — if I’d seen this as a kid.
But I’m glad I didn’t. Watching it now reminded me what it felt like to be a child. It brought me back to the days when all I worried about was if my crush would pick me to be on his soccer team at recess and if there was a new episode of Wishbone that night. When a new set of baseball cards could bring infinite happiness.
Air Bud stands the test of time. It’s a cinematic masterpiece that gave me a respite from being an adult almost two hours. What could be better than that?
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