#one of my proudest piece tbh!
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Once upon a time...
#daske art#fnaf#fnaf rebuild#michael afton#fnaf gregory#fnaf security breach#fnaf sb#five nights at freddy's#five nights at freddy's security breach#one of my proudest piece tbh!#i really really love how this turned out!#also baby greggy... my precious bby...
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day 4 - "I still have my friends!!"
#luffy week#luffy week 2024#one piece#straw hat pirates#straw hat crew#luffy#zoro#nami#usopp#sanji#chopper#robin#franky#brook#not my proudest tbh :')#just not what i had in mind#but there is a reason behind everything in this (one) piece
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the thing abt dysmas's design is that while i like to joke abt them being peak bc i don't have to deal with the accursed color and get to stay in my b&w sweetspot ultimately they are held back by the fact that you could make them in every picrew ever
#the bangs completely covering one eye. the excessive dark eye makeup. the droopy eye. the dark circle. st peter's cross makeup.#and that's just facial features. the fancy lace collar. rosary and veil are all perfectly cliched as well.#tbh i think the problem of dysmas is a natural consequence from the brief period of time when they were initially conceived as the 3rd piec#of the main trio (and were made nonbinary bc i didn't want to offset the boy:girl balance of the leads. + were made ambiguously aroace for#similar reasons. not my proudest moment) and were a. for lack of a better word. cloudcuckoolander comedic relief character there to turn 2#into 3. needless to say the third member of the main trio is now a girl and the issue of her and romantic relationships has become a centra#conflict and dysmas has been rendered major supporting character/exposition priest/comedic straight man/deus ex machina#which i find to be a major improvement.#romeo.txt
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Mailbag III âď¸
Wow, there were a bunch this time. Thanks everyone!
@theloramir:
Me! đˇ
If that doesn't count⌠Hmm. Cynthia from PokÊmon? Or maybe Tifa?
@scout90-again:
I've been interested in it for as long as I can remember. Even when I was really little, I liked to tie up dolls with string and put pieces of tape on their mouths. A bit more on that in an earlier ask here.
(MORE UNDER THE CUT)
@noteverysaurisadinosaur:
Uhhh... I'm gonna say... Golden Toad. I like Dodos too, but I'm guessing that's the "everything but country and rap" of this question.
@directivexero:
Aw thanks!
Lately I've been slowly making my way through The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles! I play it in bed each night to settle in before I go to sleep. It's like a good book. The fickleness of the jurors always makes me laugh.
Another recent one I liked: Thank Goodness You're Here! It's basically a little interactive animated movie. Matt Berry is in it. I once saw it described as "Untitled Twat Game"
Deadly Premonition is the worst game I've ever played by conventional standards, but I'd still recommend it because it's bad in really fun ways. Bring some friends and a case of beer.
I like games that provoke a strong reaction. I'd rather play something like DP than a "good" big-budget game that's smooth and pleasing but not all that memorable.
Also on the topic of weird games: This is the secret best channel on YouTube. The more you watch, the better it gets. I mean idk, maybe other people don't see it and I'm just deranged. Still though. I've cried laughing at some of these.
@patientbard:
Summer! Lots of happy memories from childhood. I like to swim.
@nixalegos:
I don't often try to go for a specific texture, but when I do it can be tricky. In real life I love soft jersey knit fabric. Despite my best efforts, I haven't been able to nail it in 2D in a way that really scratches that kinky itch.
In general, my drawings rarely come out the way I pictured them in my head. (I think that's how it is for most artists?) If it's looking really off then I might redraw a character or body part from scratch, but for the most part I just go with the flow.
@accretion-disk-anxiety:
To eat, crab; to not eat, turtle.
@damianblack:
I'm not really into furries, but I like furries as people. They seem like fun and I admire how welcoming and liberated their community is.
For a while I've had "draw an anthro character" on my bucket list. I think it'd be a fun challenge and drawing a gag for an anthro snout could be hot tbh.
@onidrills:
What was that thing from Jurassic Park with the big neck thing and the venom? Dilophosaurus?
Aw man...
@goodboynijian:
Thank you!
For proudest: Maybe animation loops?
They're not as elaborate as some other stuff I've done, but seeing an animation come together just feels so satisfying.
For hottest: I gravitate toward a certain weirder type of piece where I draw myself (or "myself") with super-exaggerated proportions and/or humiliating captions:
It feels exciting to just go totally off the wall. I get turned on not just by drawing these, but also posting them. I guess it's kind of a public humiliation/exhibitionism thing. (Actually, that's exactly what it is.)
I used to put them up on Twitter, but it got a little too weird and embarrassing. Now I keep them behind the safety of the paywall.
@t-oppenheimer:
Smash if that counts! I used to attend locals weekly and was decently competitive at my peak. I stopped going in 2020 due to covid and never got back into it after that. I still play with friends here and there though. I'm a Wolf main. đş
I've also done a little SF6, but I'm still in The Cursed Zone on that one.
@microfoamgaglover:
Yes
(old pic!)
Thanks again to everyone who sent in questions! I'm feeling better now than I was this morning. If I didn't respond to you, it just means I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. I appreciate it all the same.
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a little while back i revisited my Dungeon Bun poster design (still one of my proudest pieces tbh) and gave it some color! i like it even more now
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Fandom creators self rec game! Choose five favourites from your own creations (and tell me why, if you like!), then pass on to at least five other people. I'd love to hear what you're proudest of.
Oh!!! Hello Tacky :) Thank you for passing this on!
đď¸ -The Cozy Blanket Drarry Comic: This was one of the first original Drarry comics I've ever created! Making this made me love my messy lines (something I struggled with for a long time) + explore more with this warm comic style.
2. đ¨âđž Single-Dad Draco @ the farmers market: One of my most popular posts! I was surprised by the reaction I received from this comic, it's not only my favourite because of how it turned out (tbh still feel self-conscious about it being unfinished) but by how much everyone enjoyed it! (and continue to do so!!) I ended up interacting with amazing people because of it (including you Tacky!!). Drawing babies was new to me too, I think I did pretty well :)
3. đŞ Wand tension Drarry...: I'm still really proud of this work! I feel like this shows how the warm tones I've been working with since the beginning evolved into this piece! Also, achieving a sense of tension through the mood lighting is a vast improvement!!
4. đ¨ My Drarry style: I remember in the beginning I was having a hard time figuring out how to draw these two consistently and needed to develop something I was satisfied with to use as a future reference. These sketches popped out and I really loved how their faces differ slightly! Harry's square jaw/wider face and softer nose. Versus Draco being more sharp and narrow (looking at it now I can def improve it). But still love it to this day.
5. 𧚠Quidditch Drarry Moment Comic: I drew this so quickly when it popped into my head, I'm still proud of the dynamic angles, expressions and storytelling I achieved through the short panels/greyscale palette!
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2, 4, 11, 12 - yes I'm greedy no I don't care xoxo MJ/kiwiana-writes
Like I could say no to you anyway, TBH đđ
2. a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!
King Grandpa is less overtly homophobic in the movie than Queen Mary is in the book because of the Harry & Meghan interview with Oprah where they implied that Granny (Queen Elizabeth) wasn't the prejudiced one in the family.
Also, Henry's one unsuccessful attempt to use Grindr was the guy King Grandpa found out about.
4. say something nice about a ship you don't ship (it can be another ship in your fandom, a mutual's OTP, etc.)
I haven't fallen into the Oscar/Raf rabbit hole, but I definitely appreciate the "Alex has two dads" concept -- especially if Alex is characteristically slow on the uptake and Raf and Oscar can make fun of him forever about it.
11. if you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?
I'm proudest of three WIPs and three published fics:
Be Worthy Love, and Love Will Come: childhood penpals to friends to lovers with bonus Arthur Fox Feelsâ˘
So I Will Weather the Storm: RAF helicopter pilot!Henry rescues FSOTUS and idiot!Alex from a mountain in Scotland after a little whoopsie
Late Bloomer: omegaverse, but Alex Claremont-Diaz says fuck your secondary gender norms
[WIP] Facing Tempests: lovingly referred to as the Big Giant AU; my King Henry IX fic I've been working on since last September
[WIP] Graceless Heart: my "sugar boyfriend" AU, in which Henry thinks Alex is his sugar baby and Alex thinks Henry is his boyfriend
[WIP] Meet Me on the Other Side: my RBB fic in which bounty hunter!Alex seeks runaway Prince Henry in Texas in 1890
12. compliment someone else in your fandom
Just one person? Absolutely not. Have several!
@seanchaidh7 makes phenomenal RWRB comics (including four and counting for Facing Tempests, which will be published with the fic once it's done). @cha-melodius' plot pacing is better than a lot of commercially published work. @england-would-fall's movie edits have made me literally cackle aloud, especially the Red Room one. And like, there's this one guy whose writing fits my brain like a... brain glove -- IDK if you've heard of @kiwiana-writes, though?
[Send me "love your fandom" asks!]
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29, 36, and 79 for the fic asks!! <3
29. Whatâs something about your writing that youâre proud of?
Oh this is a very healthy challenge for me today. Hmm. I am proud of the way I write smut, honestly. I draw on long-ago acting classes: connect to past experiences and try to inhabit the scene in my own body, with strong awareness of physical sensations at each moment â as well as what emotions/thoughts are provoked by those sensations.
It means that writing smut can be a slow process for me. I pause to fully experience each moment in my mind and do an imaginary body scan. And then grasp for the right words to express the sensations. And then let that moment tell me what the POV character wants for the next moment.
I got one delightful comment on AO3 (on Christmas morning!) that said âI like what you do with the sex: the moment-to-moment detail, not clinical or filthy but vivid and multisensory,â and that meant so much to me because that is what I strive for.
36. What fic are you proudest of?
Set Me as a Seal Upon Your Heart â an Ineffable Wedding (and wedding-night) fic. The whole of the Auprès de ma blonde series is about marriage â how I experience it and think about it: not only about the joy of private commitment, but also about the power of having everyone around you recognize and validate your commitment. And that fic is the most about marriage. It has so many threads about ritual, and belief, and love that doesnât have to hide anymore, and joy.
Writing it was such an unexpectedly delightful process, too. It grew and transformed and coalesced. Brief vignettes opened up like flowers. I delved into the perspectives of other people around the Ineffables, and that was so surprisingly rich and satisfying.
79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?
Tbh, the smut-writing process in my answer to question 29 is advice I love to share! Writing smut can be so hard â it can feel so awkward, self-conscious, or even detached, like youâre just reporting an observed sequence of events. I think the âmethod actingâ approach helps a lot to get at that juicy internal experience.
Other advice:
It helps to become aware of patterns in your emotions as you go through the process of writing, revising, getting beta feedback, more revising, and publishing. I go on an entire emotional roller coaster every time. Itâs less scary now that I know what to expect.
For example, I always go through a phase during initial revisions where I feel like my fic is hot garbage and I am a trash writer. Itâs temporary. It usually means I am really starting to get at the main ideas of the piece, and realizing where I need to do more to explore/express them.
I always go through a phase of feeling Very Delicate when I get beta feedback, no matter how kind and helpful it is. I just have to let the anxiety pass (which can take hours or days), and then I will be able to feel good about people being awesome and helping me make the fic better. (I am always scared that this will make people afraid to beta for me. I truly feel love and gratitude for everyone who beta-reads for me! You are helping me! You are not responsible for my weird brain reaction!)
And I always go through a stage of high anxiety right after I publish a fic, terrified that maybe this time everybody will hate it.
Itâs useful to recognize these emotional stages, and know that they will pass.
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Ivy finds out a little bit more than expected.
Ships: Lyrassir/Ivy/Raphaella/Marius (tho Marius is just implied tbh)
Gace myself the challenge of "Don't use the same pronouns for Lyf twice"
While reading please invision @/reegis 's designs <3
Also @hurtmionedanger you were excited so-
Ivy was not having the best day. Or, well, couple of months really.
Both Lyf and Raph had been having near constant nightmares that Ivy couldn't soothe, and though Marius was mostly helpful, he could only do so much. The only information she had was that both were having nightmares of their families and death. So, Ivy did what she always did; took to her files to find answers for these nightmares so she could be better equipped. It always went at least somewhat well!
It wasn't going well.
Ivy was reviewing her files over and over, but coming up empty. Sure, it helped that she had her guilty pleasure playlist on, but she was still stumped. She hummed along to bubblegum bitch whilst translating old norse and copying pieces of asgardian police reports to a document full of clues.
She'd figured out that Lyfrassir wasn't a midgardian when they were back in Yggdrasil, and she'd recently gotten the information that he was half jĂśtunn, which were normally restricted to the planet JĂśtunheim, however that clearly wasn't the case for her dear (ex-)inspector. So pan must have at least one partially non-JĂśtunn parent, which made the scope both bigger and smaller for potential family members.
Gently singing Dollhouse (one of these days she was going to cover some of these old earth songs even if Johnny complained), she finds an⌠interesting picture.
"D-O-L-L-H-oh, what's this?" She mutters, examining the photo.
It's distorted and damaged, but nothing she can't fix with some time. The caption reads, "Family Photoshoot Before The Trip!". It shows three people, two adults that are sloppily scribbled out, and a child. The adults are standing on either side of said child, who has the biggest and proudest grin on their face. That child is, as expected, Lyfrassir Edda. This is what Ivy thought she would find, what she hoped to find, even. But this isn't what catches her off guard.
What makes her falter is the fact that the adults are wearing Midgardian Resistance uniforms.
Now, she'd known Lyf had asgardian blood in her, xe were relatively open with the fact even in Yggdrasil, so ae being a child from the time before Odin fucked it all up with her train made sense, given asgardian life spans. But a child of the midgardian resistance? She hadn't even considered it, let alone had a percentage in place. The up-tight cop who had seemed just as pro-asgardian as the other cops (an issue Ivy and the others in jail had known would be worked past), was from the resistance. Okay. Sure.
Ivy set the photo up for restoration, to find out who Lyf's parents were, and got to looking through Raph's oldest sketches to distract herself.
There were a lot of designs for medical stuff and toys, the latter likely due to her being younger when designing them. What's interesting is that Ivy finds designs for wings. No, not wings⌠wing extensions, designed for underdeveloped wings, sort of mobility aid for flight, with a note in Raph's handwriting on what seems to be the finalized version;
To my father,
I feel these new designs I've made could have massive impacts on life for people with conditions like mine. I hope that you might see the same potential in my work.
Your child, Icarus.
Icarus.
Oh.
It all starts to fall into place in Ivy's mind.
Raph would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and would immediately check to make sure her wings were there, not letting anyone touch them. Of course she wouldn't let anyone touch her wings after those nightmares. Ivy could almost see what had happened in her mind, based on what she had heard of "Icarus", now Raphaella, and the records of Raph pre-mechanization flashing through her mind.
Wing Status: Cut Off At The Top Of Back
Nine words brought far too much anger than they should have, but Ivy didn't care. If they ever got back to The City, Ivy would like to personally strangle Daedalus-
Ding
Ah. The photo was restored. Well, it'd provide a good excuse for Ivy to calm down a bit. She viewed the newly restored image and-
âŚ
......
.........
what the fuck.
why were Loki and Sigyn there.
what.
Ivy took a few moments to process before reflecting on the past few minutes and her newest data, before concluding she really didn't want to just walk away because what the Hel-
In all honesty, maybe she should have expected this. Maybe the utter disdain in "extorting quicker tyranny to midgard", and awe for Loki and Sigyn being on the Ratatosk that was shown in Lyf's voice in the original transmission should have given it away, but fuck it if Ivy wasn't shocked by it anyway-
Well. At least she could help her partner's with nightmares now...?
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wait a minute, how the fuck did i not realise you're the author of 'in my mind, you are safe'???? i somehow missed that???? it's my absolute favorite strollonso fic (straight up one of my favorite fics of all time tbh) so how i missed it i do not know???? makes complete sense in hindsight tho 'cause the characterization is A+++ and that's something i think is very prevalent in your writing đ (also will probably be doing all ass essay on what i love about that fic at some point so be prepared đđ
)
Yeah, thatâs me đ
.
It was my favorite fic to write tbh, started as a simple prompt fill and turned into one of the pieces Iâm maybe proudest of. I maybe sometimes wish I could write more, but I donât want to draw it out. I just think about it frequently, little pieces of their new lives and how they grow and change together đĽš.
And if you did actually review it I would maybe love you forever. I always love your thoughts! â¤ď¸
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đĄ đŞ đ?
Hi! Thank you so much for asking! I sorely needed a distraction.
đĄWhat is your perfect writing envrionment?
I tend to write best in a dim, warmly lit room with folk music playing and a candle burning. Basically, those "aesthetic writing blogger" situations, tbh. I think the thing that actually matters is the ritual about setting up my room that way, more so than the actual atmosphere. There's an intentionality to shifting tasks that way. I think it helps.
đŞWhat motivates you to write?
Ha! Good question. For the pieces I'm proudest of, it's been because I wanted the story to exist. It felt like it was burning a hole in me and I needed to write faster than it burned. Now - a lot of that sudden flame has cooled off - probably because I have learned a lot about writing from a craft perspective and have perfectionistic tendencies (that I'm fighting but it's a whole war over here). I don't think I'll ever be one of those people who can write a truly rough first draft. I keep going because I want the stories told, but it's harder than it used to be.
đWhat's something you learned while researching for a fic?
Oh - a lot of things. I tend to go into research rabbit holes because they are fun for me. I didn't know how to spin silk thread before I wrote Scars. I knew about drop spindles, but I didn't understand the specifics of how the silk was softened in hot water and unwrapped from cocoons to twist into thread. This made it into a scene because I wanted them to have silk thread for sutures, though I invented a flower to be the source of silk instead, because fantasy and I wanted to, lol.
Thanks for giving me a chance to ramble â¤ď¸
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unique writing asks: 1, 5, 7 (for any and as many WIP/s as you want), and 30
thank you valen <3 i hope you're doing good!
1. What themes would you like to write about that you feel donât get explored very often?
tbh its less about what doesn't get explored often and more like, the way that a lot of people do it doesn't do it for me so i gotta make it my fucking self. a lot of it does center around representation for men especially and most importantly queer and poc men. mlm relationships that aren't just teenagers, that aren't just completely happy and non problematic, that have MASCULINE men and positive visions of masculinity. nonbinary masc leaning characters, men over 30 that are complex and have rich inner lives and rich emotions especially with other men.
also black fantasy that isn't "black first" -- i really don't know how to explain it but as a black person i am MAD tired that every fantasy that a black person is in always tends to come with some caveat about being black or showcases black struggle, or they're a minority. i want fantasy that is a majority black cast and has nothing to do with them being black. i want fantasy where every character is an individual and their skin tone has nothing to do with the story. i want queer people who's stories who deadass have nothing to do with being queer they just ARE. i'm tired of having to lead everything with my identity and not being able to be just a GUY and i feel strongly about that in my works too. like yes, all my works are queer and poc and nd centered. but them overcoming these things or having challenges with these things isn't always the point, ESPECIALLY not with race like i am SO FUCKING TIRED of my race being a factor in fantasy man like i'm exhausted.
5. Would you rather write a happy ending that soothes the soul or a tragic ending that hurts the heart?
happy endings. i refuse to write sad endings. AT MOST i will write bittersweet endings, but i just dislike writing endings that are tragic. tragedies can be super good but i just don't like things to be super dour and i don't like things that steal away my hope. i want there to be some sort of hope there, even if it was hard won and hurts a little.
30. What is some of the best writing advice youâve read or received? Why does it work for you?
honestly the best advice i ever learned or got was to write things that make YOU happy and to worry about the themes and shit later. the thing is: everyone has morals or things they believe in or shit that is important to them; trying to force them out and into a story is the easiest way to stifle whatever creativity that you have about the idea or the characters etc. if you're trying to FORCE yourself to create a message instead of letting one form naturally, then it just gets rough as shit. and at least for me, i've found that when i write what i want to write and focus on the shit that i enjoy, messages and themes come out on their own anyway.
7. Favorite description in your wip? (If asked more than once, respond with a new piece each time)
prepare for a lot and so i'm putting it under a cut lmao: sorry in advance for this overload but prose is probably the thing i'm proudest of generally speaking
CAGE
His first study of Hanzo wasnât entirely fair to the man; clouded by anger, and distrust, and not to be dramatic, but definitely a bit of apprehension, but perhaps this was the first time Cassidy was truly seeing Hanzo. Heâd thought the elder Shimadaâs nose was like the jut of a mountain cliff; but was there anything more majestic than seeing the peak of a mountain obscured by clouds at the crest of dawn? His eyebrows were severe, but why did Cassidy only just now notice that they feathered at their ends like the wings of tiny birds? Hanzo looked like Genji in Blackwatch; when he snarled, when he let his expression fall flat, and lifeless. But here, and now, with a soft linen towel draped about his shoulders, his dragon tattoo near iridescent in the cresting evening, his hair once again down and fanning his shoulders, and gazing up at the expansive blanket of the stars with a quiet and meditative eye, Hanzo looked practically seraphic.Â
COME TO BED (one of my 3 buddy daddies fics)
âWe canât do this unless you take it off too.â And as with everything, Rei ceded. It was a painful show of trust; Kazuki could see it in how he hesitated but his hands kept moving, kept unzipping his tracksuit, tossed it; shrugged out of his tank top revealing a chest Kazuki had seen many times before riddled in scars. But it was different now; to touch it, to taste it, to feel Rei shudder beneath his ministrations, to watch him gasp and tilt his head back. Kazuki wasnât sure what was more intoxicating: his skin, his reactions, or the trust they suddenly built here. They couldnât go back after all of this, and like with Miri they wouldnât. Theyâd fight, theyâd fuck up, but Kazuki was beyond the point of not putting a name to this thing between them and Rei mustâve felt the same because he was here. He was here, here, here. Kazuki thought it and kissed it like a mantra to Reiâs collar, Reiâs stomach, Reiâs thighs.Â
WILDFLOWERS IN THE PAVEMENT (one of my 3 buddy daddies fics, warning for nsfw)
Better. His eyes seemed to say. That Rei looked better like this; domestic and falling apart in the safety of his arms, bangs sticking to his forehead from sweat and love. Rei felt better like this. Suwa Rei was becoming some distant thing to himâsome cloak he donned before slipping out into the night, some second skin that was becoming too small to crawl in. This Rei, who let Kazuki strip his cock raw until he was over sensitive and panting, wrapping his legs even tighter around Kazukiâs back. This Rei, who met Kazukiâs wine dark eyes with a plea, a promise, with love, with need.Â
âK-Kazuki.âÂ
âIâve got you.â Kazuki said and it was enough, it was enough.
PARAMOUR -- dude there's gonna be a lot i went loco on the paramour prose
Hyacinthus glanced over his shoulder, only slightly; not enough to draw attention to it. The voice that rang in his ear was but a passing whisper, smokey like an open fire, and sent that same warmth chasing through Hyacinthusâs gut. In his peripheral, he caught sight of a plain black crow mask. In the dim electric light of the room, it glimmered with embedded black gems, only just so to give it the illusion of motion. It was a half mask like his own; the slow smile that came to the personâs face when they realized Hyacinthus was looking was far too telling.
##
Pretty dead leaves of fire and gold had begun to coat the cobblestoned streets of Halifax when Hyacinthus received another one of Aloeâs letters.
##
He didnât take Hyacinthusâs hand, merely started off through the suffocating mass leaving Hyacinthus no choice but to follow. Hands and bodies pressed close from all sidesâwrithing and grasping, seeking to touch, to steal, to feelâto take anything they could get their hands on. Hyacinthus squared his shoulders broader and began to push. Whether his shoulders or the severity of his expression told them to move a small channel around him slowly began to take shape. That was the difference between himself and his wiley butler, who weaved and bobbed in and out of the crowd with ease. Whenever there was an opening, like water, Amon slipped throughâfluid and malleable. Hyacinthus however, shaped any opening to his own size. Water in a vase, as was water to a mountain. They pushed and shaped each other, in ways uncomfortable to dwell on.
##
Moonlight washed the courtyard in pale blues and serene milk whites. Below this floating palace, the lights were harsh and gold. He could almost taste the stiffness of the air; choked with mirth and alcohol and the fervor of the night. The packed rooms of The Nimbus, the claustrophobic walls of winding back alleys, the grunts and groans of passion and pain; all of the worldâs earthly pleasures, finite and pale delights compared to this quiet.Â
Entranced wasnât the right word. It wasnât strong enough. Transfixed. Illuminated. Anchored. Their lips had yet to touch, yet the only thought in Amonâs mind was the pleasures of the divine; lips and tongue and tastes of the gods. Hyacinthus was before him, yet he wasnât close enough. He wanted to be one in the same skin. To follow the thread of intimacy until he forgot who he was supposed to pretend to be. For a drop of mercy he would kill for it; beg for it. A soft indulgency that could never be his but how Hyacinthusâs gentle caress of his cheek made him yearn.
##
Narcissusâs world was like glass. Delicate, intricate, finely blown and shaped, to a perfect sphere she could cradle within her hands.
THE GRAVES WE DUG
His thoughts wandered, as they tended to these days. Dark, hooded eyes roved over the small bits of scenery presented to him. Drunkards lavished themselves over poker and pool tables; brims of their hats tilted high in jubilation or low in deception. Gravesâs own gambler was tipped low down; to keep the bright, fly addled, naked bulbs above from creating blind spots in his sensitive vision. He was a creature of the darkness and this saloon was too bright; too close to a normalcy long foreign to his mind.
He drained his bitter dram, then set his glass to the side. The girl who refilled it was prattling on about something he wasnât hearing. He let his eyes slip closed.Â
Then, he was standing on the balcony of The Rome.
#i don't think i worded that first question well but i can't tell you how annoyed i am#i love being black but i'm tired of everything having to do with me being black#why can't i just ??? be in scifi or fantasy or romance and not have my race be a point of contention or something constantly mentioned#im tired#about renjamin#ren writing#ask games 2024
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2022 Writing Evaluation
I was tagged by the wonderful Bella @clumsyclifford (thank you for digging this up and tagging me first because i 100% was going to do it anyway lol)
also my pseudonyms are combined on ao3 so although this is my 5sos blog you will be hearing about my other fandom writing as well
1. number of stories posted on ao3:Â 17!
2. word count posted for this year:Â 124,269 on ao3, 23,433 for ask box prompts, so a grand total of 147,702!
3. fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, 1d, It (2017 and 2019 movies), Stranger Things, HSMTMTS, Cobra Kai
4. pairings: on ao3 we have some nice crisp muke, lashton, mashton, mashton (friendship version), cashton, cake, malum, narry, lilo (and then also kiaz and caswen (friendship(?) version) and reddie and hellcheer). adding in the ask box prompts and we also have 5sos ot4, roylum, and lashton (friendship version)
5. story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: for all of those itâs technically my hellcheer fic, but for the 5sos ones hits and kudos are The Catch, comment threads is pas de deux!Â
6. work iâm most proud of (and why): pas de deux hands down no question. itâs my longest fic by over 20k! i wrote it almost constantly from november to december and had a goal to post each chapter on christmas and the four sundays leading up to it and i actually accomplished that goal!!!! iâve never successfully focused on one particular fic for that long, and it actually worked!!! plus, for such a long fic, i think i did a relatively good job of keeping characterizations consistent and sensical throughout, as well as finding little themes to carry through the entire fic (which i got lucky with tbh, some things that became running pieces of the fic were not planned out before, i just caught them as they were happening). i havenât read the fic back since completing it so itâs possible itâs not as cohesive or as good as i think it is, but iâm extremely proud of myself for it nonetheless.
7. work iâm least proud of (and why): right now, itâs probably when i watch the world burn. i struggled with that one and in the end i donât think it quite got to where i wanted it to, but i was on a time crunch. itâs a lot different from what i usually write, but i donât know if i made that transition to a different story style and topic as smoothly as i would have liked.
8. share or describe a favorite review you received: someone left a very long and gratifying comment on both Puzzle Pieces and its sequel Bedroom Activities back in February. grey114 if you see this i love you. it was really gratifying to get a comment on a piece that i love so much that was over a year old at that point, especially since they said it was a reread and they just touched on a lot of things in a really sweet way and that made me feel very happy to have written those fics.
also i know this doesnât technically count because it got it today but amanda read when i watch the world burn (again, not my proudest work) and said that although this âisnât her kind of ficâ she said that that particular fic is the âbiggest proof that itâs the writer more than the content or pairingâ because she enjoyed it, which was really nice to hear especially when iâm not feeling the best about it. itâs also just an insane compliment because i absolutely love amandaâs writing, and every time a writer i love also confirms that they really like my stuff it makes me feel good lol
9. a time when writing was really, really hard: the entire first 3/4 of the year, tbh! i was in a big writing slump earlier in the year and it seemed to keep going forever, then I was super busy in the summer and simply didnât have time. i donât think i hit my writing stride again until i let myself impulse-write for other fandoms. i think thatâs what i really started to realize exactly what it means to write what you love uninhibited, rather than writing what you think you should. like. i have 10k of an angsty caswen at college fic in my drive that may never see the light of day because itâd be super long, but letting myself go to town on that with no expectations of necessarily posting it or even completing it was really healthy for me and extremely enjoyable, and it loosened all the writing mechanisms in my brain to get me back in a writing groove.
10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: hmmmmm letâs see. honestly i was most surprised to write anything for hsmtmts or cobra kai, let alone something from johnnyâs pov, but for 5sos stuff i was surprised to write so much feldy. he became a pretty big player in pas de deux and when initially planning that fic i donât think i realized how much screen time he would have. ashtonâs characterization in when i watch the world burn was also surprising. i didnât know when i started writing that he would be like that.
11. a favorite excerpt of your writing:Â hereâs a little bit of the ending of undeniable you
When Ashton fully wakes up, he can hear spring rain pattering against the roof. Â The room is still blanketed in gray, but Michael is still glowing, even if Ashton only has a view of his bedhead from the way theyâre cuddled together. Â He shifts right before Ashton musters up the willpower to leave the comforting warmth of their bedroom and begin breakfast, as if he can sense that Ashton would rather spend the morning talking with him in appropriately hushed tones than leaving the cozy atmosphere that surrounds them. Â His eyes are fuzzy and sleepy when he blinks up at him, but he smiles like heâs never been more sure of his place here.
12. how did you grow as a writer this year? i finally truly understood what it means to write for myself!!!! to write for the enjoyment of writing!!!! to stop holding myself to arbitrary standards of what fics i should be working on and how often!!!!!! this year i really let myself work on what i want when i want, and it really did wonders for me. also, i discovered that for the most part outlining does genuinely help me
13. how do you hope to grow next year? mostly i want to continue to write what i want to write. i want to maintain this peace and enjoyment of writing that iâve found and continue to treat myself with kindness when it comes to this hobby and not let it become unpleasant. that being said, i do also want to focus on individual projects more. i think the key to ensuring these two things arenât mutually exclusive is to find projects that i genuinely love and to add little bits in there for me to enjoy, like all of the minnesota references (and the csi miami reference) in pas de deux.
EDIT: I also want to start replying to comments this year! i might not reply to new comments on old fics just because iâd feel weird not replying to the comments before (and i have fics form 2016, so i feel like itâd be weird if i went back and replied to those) but iâll at least reply to comments put on pas de deux onwards.
14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? okay iâm going to list four (4!!!) different people. bella @clumsyclifford and annie @carouselstars have both been extremely supportive, especially while iâve been complaining in the club nearly every day for the past two months. theyâre always encouraging me. i also need to give a big shout out to megs @igarbagecannoteven and gregory @doomeddiabetic for being great sounding boards! pas de deux would not have been completed without megs helping me sort things out in the very beginning, and gregory is willing to talk shop about fandoms theyâre not even part of.
15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? little things here and there! itâs most prevalent in pas de deux, where i highkey projected onto both characters and forced them to exist in minneapolis. i have been to mia and love all of the art pieces i mentioned in chapter 3. my favorite ballet is dances at a gathering. i, like calum, must always remind people of famous minnesotans. shayla is my favorite newscaster. i watch csi miami and ncis when i need something mindless on in the background. i namedropped my old tech director and ballet teacher in that one. pas de deux is full of little hazel pieces lol
16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? find what pleases you! find what you enjoy, and donât turn writing into a chore that you have to do, but rather a special treat to enjoy! this doesnât mean that itâs going to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, of course. maybe youâre the type of writer who gets immense satisfaction from finishing a difficult piece, and that far outweighs the frustration and struggles to write it! everyone is going to be different with figuring out what constitutes enjoyment, but thatâs what helped me, at least.
17. any projects youâre looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? iâm trying not to put too much pressure on myself but i really hope to finish three particular 5sos fics. i think they could become my new favorites. i also have a cobra kai fic that iâd love to write! also, i really want to post at least one chapter of unmute, given that i didnât do that this year
18. tag some writers whose answers youâd like to read:Â Â @igarbagecannoteven, @carouselstars, @lifewasradical, @jbhmalumm, @lukemichaelcalumashton, @babush-cat if youâd like!
#tag game#those with 911 blogs and pseuds feel free to do this there as well#i like doing stuff like this#and i feel pretty proud of myself!#overall this year was a big success i'd say which is nice because at the beginning i was really struggling and unhappy with writing
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Hii lookie! Even though I only made like 4 fully rendered pieces this year, I'm happy with what I've done this year!
(For months where I dont't have fully rendered finished pieces I put in the next closest thing I have that month.)
Ramble under the cut where I try to go over each month
General overview:
Funny thing I've noticed is how often I used cool tones this year bc my older art (that ive never shown from like 2 years ago) was characterized by warm tones
Even though I work through fully rendered pieces super slowly and barely come out of the year with any, I'm super proud of my progress this year! I've learnt and grown a lot as an artist and have also realized my potential. With that though also comes my fear of not being able to top what I've done, which I'm trying to work on! My issue is I tend to produce a lot of art when feeling highly inspired by a media, and right now I don't exactly feel the same kind of spontaneous and passionate inspiration as I did during the year. I'm definitely dealing with some sort of mental block right now when it comes to digital art and I'm hoping to get through that soon because I miss the process of making something I love through drawing!!
January:
honestly thought the boatem piece was done last year so I was surprised to find it in my January files! This piece was kind of a turning point for my art as it was my first more complex pieces (i had not previously done a piece w more than 1 character in it really). It was a lot of work and I was very nervous about it but I'm quite proud of what I was able to do!
Late january is also when i started sketching out the ethubs piece actually (i work slow)!
February:
I didn't actually do a ton of art this month, as I tend to take a break and slow down right after finishing a piece. At this point I was very keen on doing pose studies traditionally. I posted some of these and most of them were desert duo.
This month i started to really figure out my dnd character Ethe's main design as our campaign was starting. So, i did a portrait of her for that. The rest of February was working on ethubs and studying how to paint grass and clouds and just sketching here and there. I think desert duo brain rot was strongest this month
March:
March was also a mix of pose studies and random sketches and FINALLY FINISHING ETHUBS. I was also doing some art for dnd ^_^
April:
I finished the dragonborn npc centered dnd piece this month, and also began sketching out the cleo piece. In between working on cleo I did some joe art including an animatic featuring the wordle boarder and the sketch for biblically accurate joe :D
May:
Pretty much anytime i had procreate open in may I was working on Cleo. This is the most ambitious art project I have taken on and I wasn't sure if I was able to make it how I wanted, so I was kind of slow and on and off with it. I ended up putting it down towards the end of the month and did some more personal illustrations
June:
Big month for my dnd blorbos tbh! I introduced a sister for Ethe and was working on her design and their interactions. I also got a bigger sketchbook this month and did a bunch of traditional studies. I finished the flats for cleo this month and took a break so most of the art I did were sketches
July:
I was in the home stretch for cleo and with the help of my friends telling me to finish it i finally pushed through and finished it. I couldnt be happier w the results!! it's one of my proudest pieces this year and I put in so much work for it. But after I finished it i took a huge break from mcyt art and focused on dnd art yet again.
August:
My work for the multidimensional big bang started this month!! I worked out the character design early august and had a sketch for the full piece by the end of the month. In the meantime I was actually working on a cat painting I never posted... maybe I'll post it in an end of year art dump
September:
This month was all about the big bang piece. I had so much fun doing it and am super proud of the finished product. Im especially happy with the composition and inclusion of the background characters!!
October:
Again. Major break from making full pieces after finishing a huge one last month. I think I spent more of my creative energy elsewhere like my writing. Also school started again and I had moved apartments and there was a lot of irl stuff preventing me from drawing. I did try to do traditional studies if I could
November:
Kind of a dead month for drawing. Super busy w school, chugging my way through Ethe's ref sheet i started months ago.
December:
Literally haven't drawn anything new besides a new years illustration for greeting cards. I picked up crocheting again and have been spending a lot of creative energy on that instead, but to keep my drawing going I've been doing more figure studies in my sketch book i guess!
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congratulations cas on your milestone!!! you really do deserve it sm love! hope you know there are so many people out there who appreciate you for sharing your works<3 tbh seeing you on my dash after a long day makes my day sm better. Love you and hope you keep gaining moređŤśđâ¨ď¸
Also on this special day I wanted to ask which work of yours makes you the proudest? Like it doesn't need to be the one that has the most notes,but the one you really love. And among all your upcoming fics which one are you most excited to work on/release??
thank you so much!!! its absolutely insane and i'm so thankful (and grateful) to everyone! i'm happy i can provide you happiness, i hope i can continue doing so <3
my proudest work... i'd have to say 'this is (not) easy'. it was one of my favourite pieces to write and i had a lot of fun doing so! upcoming fics... ynfalm i'm exicted for. very much so.
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WDYM ART ENVY I LOVE YOUR ART I ART ENVY Y O U SOMETIMES YOUR ART IS SO CUTE AND THE COLORS ARE ALWAYS SO NICE
ndajkhdsjka awwwww thankyuu ~ i really appreciate that~
i mean we all have strengths and weaknesses: ussually ill envy art that's strength is one of my weaknesess: tbh i only will get art envy if the artist is younger then me: because then that means they devoloped their strengths like more than me if that makes sense?
i think it does help to remember that the artists i envy probably have artists they envy and their art weak spots as well, and to look back on my work that im proudest of and my old art to remind myself of the time and effort id put into developing my skills
i am always open to constructive critism on my work: i want to improve as much as i can >:33
I also really want to start making like: guides to drawing? like teaching art and sharing what ive learned from studying(aka just observing) different pieces as well as my own process: and if want the topics of them to be super specific (like instead of just colors: it would be making color schemes that pop, and instead of just composition it would be using empty space to frame a subject etc)
i think part of why art envy in general comes from for a lot of people is that they dont know how to like, start, like they dont know how to go about trying to do that one thing that they admire in art: so i think that it'll make a positive impact to try and share all of our skills owo~
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