#one of my favorite things ive made in a while ngl

[konstartis]

finn the punk!

[mochamadeleines]

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you. 

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.” 

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.” 

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.” 

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.” 

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

-

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.” 

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 

“Darlin’.” 

“Right.” 

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?” 

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.” 

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin�� my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 

“Oh fuck-” 

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 

“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 

[majorproblems77]

i saw this video on tiktok today while I was doom scrolling of this cat who liked getting (gently) tossed like a football onto a bed and it was really sweet and funny because it’d run up to its owner and get tossed and then sprint back. i have a HC that Warriors has two cats and i think he’d do whatever silly thing his cats ask of him because he loves them so much. i also hc that he knits and makes them little sweaters!! ive written a few fics with his cats in them but it hasn’t been in a while and ngl i miss those entirely fictional cats that i completely made up

ive been playing more skyward sword and im very close to finishing the game in this run through and im trying to get the hylian shield except the experience of getting it keeps stressing me out because i havent played in so long and im adjusting to the controls so instead ive been running around collecting things. it NEVER occurred to me that you could sneak up on the birds??? i just learned that was a thing you can do- it never even crossed my mind as a possibility alskdkkd

my favorite thing to do messing around is just fly back and forth between the lumpy pumpkin and skyloft because its just entertaining. i wish we could see like sunsets in that game if we sat around for long enough because its all just soooooo beautiful and i think thatd be cool

ive been feeling really overwhelmed today too, i hope you’re able to feel better 💙 get some water and maybe take a break if you can :)

- crazylittlejester

@crazylittlejester

As someone with two cats i can confirm they do dumb stuff all the time. My two play fetch with hairbands and one of them likes to drink water out of a glass and does a little dance when he does. Wars can hold a little cup of water to one of his two while doing his work like its perfectly normal to him

I like skyward sword, getting that shield took me several days worth of attempts but you just gotta keep going at it i think. I like sneaking up on birds and then watching them just chill before they fly away.

Flying around skyloft is wonderful, its great i should do that

please tell me more about Wars cats i love cats they are wonderful

[phighting-bean-husbandry]

// hi redshift! willow anon here with an ooc ask! i just want to say thank you for making this blog, its my favorite phighting tumblr blog and is insanely adorable and fun to read through! i have a few questions i would like to ask about you and the blog if you dont mind

what made you want to make this blog? do you also run the local beanologist blog, or is that a friend of yours? and finally, how do you feel about people making ocs based off of their bean owners? i cant lie ive become really invested in this blog's universe and i want to make an oc for my bean owner lol

// OOC

Hi!! First ask to me lesgo! Thank YOU for hanging around, willow anon! It's been a joy to have you and all of my askers around, honestly the time of my life. I'm ngl when I first made this blog I'd practically explode with happy stims for every ask I got lmaoo

I got inspired by an ISAT blog, actually. Isat/In Stars and Time is a video game I adore, and they have a bit of a joke of "isatlings" which are mini versions of the characters. Someone started an isatling husbandry blog, and I got inspired! I figured, since the beans were a very established thing in the fandom, acting like they're pets could be really clever while also giving me an excuse to indulge in my interests and infodump to my heart's content

@local-beanologist is run by a very close friend of mine! They saw me making this blog and got inspired, and decided to make a science-focused side since they already had a few concepts.

As for ocs: Frostbrand IS an oc, so go! Be free! Make as many as you want!!! I love seeing what this fandom creates, and it's even more amazing to be the one who inspired that. I'd love to see what anyone who enjoys this blog enough to make an oc comes up with! :]

Thank you for all your time sending asks, interacting, and having fun here. Here's to many more silly events, interactions, and concepts for the bean universe!!

[kavalyera]

Lettow for character opinion bingo!

mind everyone im still on chapter six on my rosemary run (banu haqim) and my… alpha😔 run with my friends (gangrel) is on chapter three (yes im slow as shit at reading) so all the lettow content i see is from those bare moments and tumblr shitposts ANYWAYS lettow !! probably my favorite prince yet mostly because he’s genuinely a really nice person for a kindred and also because my friends like him a little TOO much (“he’s the father of my children” my CIS MALE friend said be he does he ig) i dont know but everytime vtm night road says that lettow is smiling i imagine him smiling with :3 sorry thats my headcanon. it’s the furry in me. lettow is just :3 to me when he smiles idc if his art has him smiling normally i’ve decided he smiles like this -> :3 he’s a cutie patootie to me (he’s older than my country’s independence) in all honesty i LOVE how he’s one of the two non-ventrue princes in vtm video games because ngl ive HAD IT with these ventrue hoes😭‼️‼️

enough yapping about others i feel like lettow should be a more popular character because ngl i wanna see X READER FICS of him. i wanna see HEADCANONS LISTS about him. i want to see NSFW FANART OF HIM (i may be working on something rn…….) i dont have much headcanons of lettow YETT other than idk he’s a february pisces to me (projecting) and he smiles like :3 and that he lived in the forests as a child and another thing is god i fuck with his style so much. oh to wear a suit like the gangrel prince of tucson circa 2007-2008. plus i fucking want an eagle. who the hell just has an eagle? lettow does. i dont know maybe my opinion of him will change the further i proceed with night road because im just SO BUSY rn😭 but so far he’s made his way into my heart. and also my friend group’s heart. yeah idk he just makes his way into people’s hearts it’s like the new discipline for hot princes and while were speaking of hot how has lettow not been picked up by a modelling agency? im pretty sure he has but turned it down. nooo dont succumb to the beckoning haha you have to walk for gucci haha

wow that was long

[ficsiwontwrite]

Do you guys now that thing where people make lwj immortal so he can wait for wwx’s return and it ends up being centuries later, in a modern with magic world?

Ive also read some intergalactic era novels (most about mecha ngl) and I gathered that most of them are set eons after earth…

Lwj immortal waiting for wwx until the intergalactic era

At first he might be trying not to cultivate immortality, he was grieving after all, but he puts a lot of his still long lifespan into studying souls and how to help hurt ones, once he realizes that wwx soul won’t go back to the reincarnation cicle organically all bets are off and he does cultivate to immortality with the goal of finding a way to mend his soul back together

And while he does find a how, it’s slow but he can be patient if it’s for Wei Ying yknow? Except is so slow the world changes and changes and changes and that ok, he can wait but them the world keeps changing and everything is dying and by the way things are going even when wwx is back he may be coming to a wasteland so he goes on to do what he can to fix things and it’s hard because he was never this kind of genius yk? The one who creates stuff but he does have a lot of sway in the world since he existence was never a secret

Man has lived for centuries in a purified burial ground, there are a lot of stationed researchers and cultivators around there who he has interacted with before but now he has to actually work with people to solve the world dying thing but it’s ok bc even if he’s not really good at the politics thing he is almost ascending and needs to put energy somewhere

They end up with a wall-e plan, everyone goes away while a lot of cultivation powered technology helps the planet heal from all the human abuse

Of course the energy comes mostly from lwj who just sinks a lot of power there, he ends up in seclusion alone in a world healing vc he’s afraid wwx soul would show up alone

There more poser them he can passively generate so he was cultivating again, he entered a meditation so deep centuries passed, the humans have stabilized themselves in more them one planet and are out there spreading but they do come back bc earth just has something that is better for cultivators and they end up waking up hgj but wy’s soul is still not whole again… he can’t bear to live for centuries more but he will wait, so he sets up an alarm spell thing and goes into a deep meditation again

It’s past another huge amount of time, there’s all the mecha and virtual reality stuff that happen in those novels, wwx comes back!!! His soul is whole but lwj who set up an alarm made a mistake… instead of waking him up the spell locked his consciousness…

So there is a ghost wwx who sees a clearly stuck lwj and a completely different world and!!! Ofc the answer is my favorite most beloved intergalactic era trope: ve game that heals someone

Yes, I made you read my tabling just to say

Ghost time traveler wwx who turns into a game developer to free sleeping beauty lwj

If you don’t know this trope: usually a mc creates a game (eg farming game) as a way to collect power (eg farming god need faith in farming) and helps others by the way (eg curing a stress induced beastly rage)

In this au ghost wwx creates a game to try to contact lwj consciousness and it works but in the game lwj can’t remember everything and he goes on to remember things slowly and it’s very angst but it’s also ok bc he has the support yk?

Also ofc the game is a cozy game, the yilling patriarch would make some game with stardew valley vibes for sure except it’s also have cool creatures to fight bc I think the eventual date hunting some monsters is just his idea of slice of life yk?

[hairscare]

i dont know anything ab vivziepoop or whatever her name is and her work but could you give some examples and like. maybe explain how far they are from actual demonology? i love haterisms and i love learning things

kisses you on the mouth id love nothing more than to spread hate and infodump abt demonology. let me preface this by saying ive never watched any of their content so i cant speak on much besides what ive absorbed via osmosis of being on the internet and what i can see in their designs

so my special interest has always been on the 7 Princes of Hell aka the 7 Deadly Sins so thats what I'm gonna focus on. I'm also gonna bring beloved otome game Obey Me into the mix for another example of modern interpretations of them. also keep in mind im not a believer in these figures, though my research comes from both christian and pagan sources, i just like them a lot

so lets start with Mammon, the prince of greed. mammon is always depicted as a very money and power hungry kinda guy. in heaven, he was so obsessed with the golden pavement that they kicked his ass out first. hes super powerful and has 6,660,000 demons under his control that he makes build the capital of hell called Pandemonium. im not making this up demonology is silly as hell. hes associated with wealth, gold, jewels and emperors.

you may be surprised by this interpretation from the dictionaire infernal, but from my understanding/perspective, i believe this is supposed to be a lure to get more money as a begger? normally hes described as decked out in robes and gold and jewels and all that. but you can see in the illustration the bags of money.

so yeah hes like a super money hungry emperor type- in my mind i always kinda think of trump ngl. power hungry, money hungry, you get it. so if youre like me, for a character design, youre thinking a ceo with lots of expensive clothes and jewelery.

now, lets see what our friend viv has to say-

... they made him.... a clown? keep in mind, i literally know nothing abt the role he plays in the show, but... why? why is he a clown? if anything, him being a jester is the opposite of the typical emperor depiction. like a king vs a court fool. completely erases the whole idea of his greed for power. part of that greed is that he already has it but he wants more! this jester angle doesnt make sense.

okay, now lets look at obey me. theres a lot of things i dont like abt obey me's interpretations, but theyre so much better than vivs.

first of all, the white hair and blue eyes are actually accurate! the colored illustration above of begger mammon is actually colored wrong, hes often described as having very light hair and icy blue eyes. this interpretation of mammon, while yassified from the old man and the emperor, is fairly faithful. hes obsessed with money, hes constantly stealing money from other people, he wears the most expensive designer brands, and he has gambling issues. its not perfect, but hes clearly based on the demon mammon.

now Asmodeus. asmodeus has always been my favorite. hes the Prince of Lust, but he himself isnt horny. he teaches people Forbidden Arts and Crafts and also geometry, hes a disabled king (walks w two walking sticks), he likes messing with people and he hates the smell of fish liver. one time he threw someone 400 leagues and stole his identity. what a guy

asmodeus is particularly monstrous. hes got 3 heads, a bull, a demon, and a ram, hes got a duck bottom, and he has a dragon cat service animal. i think hes beautiful <3 but you can see a lot of potential symbols you can incorporate into a design! all these animals, esp his three heads, are just waiting for a cool design. so vivs, whatd you do?

... okay. hes... kinda got the heads, but its the cowards route. he has... that weird ass body that vivs loves to give men. theres... some feathers so he kinda has bird symbolism? im pretty sure he owns a casino, which is actually accurate. but like. thats #notmyasmodeus. this guy couldnt throw me 1 league if he tried. hes not monstrous looking at all. his legs are thinner than my patience.

since we couldnt really dissect viv's mammon, ill bring this up here. a big issue i have with these designs is that theyre afraid to make demons ugly on purpose. dont get me wrong theyre all ugly as hell. but not gross. not monstrous. these sanitized tumblr sexymen designs completely betray what makes the original designs so fun. asmodeus doesnt have 3 heads, he has one that looks like an evil sesame street character. the design is simultaneously trying way too hard and so fucking generic. literally if you take out the two tiny head motifs in his... hair? theres no indication that this is based on the demon asmodeus

okay, lets look at obey me.

again, hes sanitized, hes conventionally attractive, and he doesnt have any of the demon asmodeus' symbolism. hes also super horny. he doesnt do geometry or arts and crafts or even own a casino. not faithful to the source at all.

before you accuse me of being a hypocrite for liking obey me, hold on. let me get through beelzebub.

Beelzebub is known for being "lord of the flies". its literally what his name means. i cannot emphasize enough that he has fly motifs. he is the Prince of Gluttony, aka overindulgence. its typically associated with food. but beelzebub is *extremely* powerful. in Paradise Lost, hes Lucifer/Satans right hand man. all other demons respect him immensely. hes supposed to be so powerful that summoning him is supposed to run a high risk of seizures and death. he also fucking loves architecture. when a ton of demons were called on by solomon to build, the other demons were so appauled that beelzebub was being made to do manual labor, but his crazy ass was giving solomon building advice

hes a bug! hes big beautiful bug. the crowd cheers. so the motif is kinda obvious here. i mean, its kinda hard to miss it, right-

what the fuck. what the actual fuck. "but grim shes got a bee motif-" shut the fuck up. this... fox? wolf? furry thing needs to be put down asap. i genuinely think theyre using beelzebub as an bad excuse to introduce their kesha dog character. bro what the fuck thats not a fucking bug. thats not even a goddamn bee. i hate it here

i cant do this anymore show me obey me.

hes a fucking fly thank god. sure hes conventionally attractive but hes not a dog with the smallest waist ive ever seen and disproportionate birthing hips. he eats all the time bc hes gluttony. okay fine whatever as long as hes a fucking bug im ok

so. lets address why i like obey me and i hate vivziepops interpretations. first of all i just fucking hate vivziepop so jot that down. but more importantly, obey me doesnt pretend to be anything it isnt. its a dating sim. of course the characters are gonna be hot and fit into archetypes. ive made my peace with that. besides, the game actually makes their sins pretty interesting by showing how they affect their personalities, motivations, relationships and lifestyles. its not super faithful, but its not supposed to be.

but helluva boss isnt trying to do that. from my (admittedly limited) understanding of it, its supposed to be a dark comedy gritty adult animation. the characters are supposed to be questionable and unconventional because theyre literally in hell. so i ask the question: why are they so afraid to lean into that with their character designs? why does everyone have to have barbie proportions? why is no one (purposefully) unpleasant to look at or monstrous? its sad to see a creator trying so hard to make something thats supposed to be graphic and brazen in its depiction of hell and demons, and yet is afraid to actually confront the conventionally unappealing aspects of the source material, or even touch the motifs of the demons

i love the 7 princes of hell. if you want to read about the strangest characters with the oddest stories, symbols and trivia, go read some websites about them. none of it makes sense. lucifer and satan are the same person but also not and sometimes the other 5 are also the same guy. belphegor is in love with paris and is the infernal ambassador to france and has a toliet wheelchair. satan is depressed. lucifer is sometimes depicted as an whiny brat child and sometimes as a humongous terrifying beast. leviathan does jack shit and just boils the ocean and eats boats. its literally so much fun. also please feel free to add onto this! demonology is fun in part bc theres so many different interpretations and facts from all over the place that make it a wild ride

tldr: vivziepops designs are lazy and unadventurous when it comes to their source materials

[kaananom]

so i feel very compelled to list out my favorites mangas which changed my entire worldview and shook me to my core. Here they are.

Lullaby of the dawn

This manga EASILY tops anything ive ever read. Im predominantly a romance reader so while going into this i assumed this was going to be a romance focused story but OH WAS I WRONG. While it does have impeccable romance, it has a well thought and an AMAZINGLY intriguing plot. It goes into the characters inner turmoils and it highlights many ideas that just makes you rethink EVERYTHING about society as a whole. The thing i loved most about this was that, the way it written made it feel like two PEOPLE, two distinct humans fell in love rather than two MEN who fell in love ykwim? Theyre not a couple just for the sake of the story being romance, theyre together because they truly connected with eachother and i think thats beautiful

2) love in the palm of his hands

First of all, THE TITLE???? ITS SO CREATIVE?? This manga follows the love story of a deaf person and a person who has a deep desire to communicate and connect with people. An absolutely bombtastic pairing. The way this manga delivers its emotions and experiences of its characters is genuinely MINDBOGGLING. As a hearing person i always love reading stories that represent the deaf/hard of hearing community as its something im not really familiar with, so stories like these give me a perspective on their day to day life and it makes me understand different kinds of people a little better. I love love this manga for beautifully encapsulating all that it does

3) Basara

Very very classic shoujo manga and youve probably heard all about it lol. NGL, i have some gripes with specific parts of it but the overall message of this manga really stuck to me. The characters fail over and over again and they get back up, but its no EASY process. Often id see stories gloss over how hard it is to get back up by throwing in excessive optimism but basara does not do that. Its ugly and its a painful process and theyre just so so human. The characters dont grow linearly, its a gradual growth with many many lows in the middle and i loveee that

4) Color•Collection

I LOVE SERIZAWA TOMO AND ALL THEIR WORKS but this one stood out to me a whole lot. Mainly because it offered a perspective of the formal part of the creative world (basically art school and compretitive arts), a world im very foreign to. For a manga with literally only 7 chapters, the impact it had on me is so crazy. I loved the characters, the way they were portrayed, the way they bonded, their thoughts, gestures, the way love was portrayed, the art itself, i adored everything about it basically.

5) A brief moment of ichika

This one just broke my heart honestly LMAOO and i was so occupied with sadness and existential doom that i kinda forgot what intricate things i love about it WAHAHA i just remember how i felt through out the story 😭 what i will say tho, it really does make you question all you know about life and death. The philosophy tag in this rightfully claims its place.

[definitelynotshouting]

7, 16 or 25 for the ask game !! Weird choices yes, but I have strong feelings for specifically 7 - Microsoft word’s new default font my detested

-🫧

fic writer asks

OOOOOH okay okay okay these are fun ones LETS GOOOOOO

7.) your preferred writing fonts

Okay this might be a strange take but i honest to gods just use default font for EVERYTHING like ive never once changed my font and page settings for google docs or microsoft word (beyond setting word to dark mode, thats about the only change ive ever made to it). Its not that i havent tried it out before-- every so often i attempt to shake things up and see if it makes writing any easier, but it never seems to work for me the way it does for other people. Ive tried a variety of fonts and page colours, but i always always end up back at the default settings, and thats where i tend to write best

If i had to hazard a guess as to why, id say i think fonts, when it comes to writing, are virtually invisible to me. Im not really looking at the shapes of the letters, im paying attention to the colours they make together with my synesthesia, and the rhythm each word brings to a sentence, and how everything flows together on both an individual and overall level. The shapes and page colour dont matter at that point to me, its all about whats in the content

... also ive found if i take the time to fiddle with settings instead of jumping right in then the writing just does NOT happen 😭😭😭😭😭

16.) favorite place to write

The couch!! Undoubtedly the couch, i really enjoy posting up at 2am and writing on my phone in the dark for a little while. I do a good 60% of my writing on that couch im ngl SKDNSJNDSDHSJ

25.) besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

Gaming!!! I pretty much only play minecraft by myself, but every sunday my cousin and i huddle in his room and play games together for the rest of the day :] we just started The Callisto Protocol together and we're having an absolute blast with it!!! Also me and my good friends @/corvidaearts, @/kunehokki, and @/cocoabats have started streaming games to each other while voice acting for them, which is a TON of fun (massive shout out to eirian's mirabelle and bonnie voices during our ISAT playthrough, that way he switched on a dime between them was CRAZY)

I also like scrapbooking quite a lot, though ive fallen off of it a bit recently. Reading probably goes without saying, and i also really really enjoy watching my friends stream art in discord :]]] im a little community guy, what can i say

[vacantgodling]

for Ship Classifications: i'd love to see just. 4 random ships and what category they fit into and why

LMAO thank you for asking—i’ll do this for just my ocs but if you want fandom ships as well just lemme know 💀

MAKES SENSE / COMPELS ME

i think the most “traditional” (in terms of tropes) variation of this type of oc ship that i have that checks all the boxes for fandom madness would probably be di/toph in lukewarm rejection ngl. (1) monsterfucking (toph is a demon) (2) bickering to lovers (3) chemistry the second they meet (4) punk x reformed goody two shoes (5) religious guilt and childhood trauma makes you seek the bad boy type. (6) hot. i do kinda miss the more dramatic layers that their old wip had but it was good for my brain to let go of it finally. maybe the ashes of that wip can be something else. anyway, here, art of the sillies be upon ye.

MAKES SENSE / DOESNT COMPEL ME

calvin im/jake deluna from purple haze. as much as like. they have literally everything that constitutes one of my favorite ship dynamics (best friends to lovers) the two of them are just completely strictly platonic in my mind. i toyed with the idea of them being a thing but every time ive tried to think about it, even in a crack sense, its just made me go 🤢 LMAOOOO and i think its the two of them also protesting LMAO. they’re just more like brothers more than i can see them being romantic so even tho usually i can turn best friends into lovers, not these two. they’re just the best bros ever :DD woe, art of the sillies be upon ye.

DOESN’T MAKE SENSE / COMPELS ME

this is a bit hard to answer bc i tend to make a lot of things i like canon However after looking through my oc list i realize that i actually have many many ships that dont become a “thing” BUT i still enjoy them. that doesn’t mean they dont make sense tho, which is what im hung up on. i think a ship that’d fit this category would be kirsi/lord flykrost in alizath. and like hear me out: it makes Absolutely no sense. (1) he’s like 20+ years older than her (but that’s hot— *is spritzed with water*) (2) he’s married (3) kirsi already has two perfectly good handsome men she’s gonna end up with (amarette and juven respectively) (4) they literally canonically are going to have more of a father/daughter or mentor/mentee type relationship BUT THIS DOES NOT STOP MY BRAIN APPARENTLY. lord flykrost is hot to me. i can’t explain what he looks like bc i haven’t solidified that yet but just know he’s hot. more than just physically tbh his entire vibe is giving nanami from jjk so ig that’s why he’s hot to me (and if you don’t know said character dw about it bc i literally don’t go there i only care about him; tldr men who cut the bullshit and take responsibility and look after those younger than them or less privileged or capable than them are hot ? also Big. Big man. tiddies. thank you for coming to my ted talk). so idk the idea of him being all strong romantic lead and taking care of kirsi is very woof woof awooga to me LMAO. but like i said this just isn’t gonna happen it just lives rent free in my head 💀💀💀💀

DOESN’T MAKE SENSE / DOESN’T COMPEL ME

genuinely if (and probably when) i see people ship madja and jihi in tcol i will actually kill people LOL. like no spoilers ig but like while cnc can be fine in some instances this is very much a nc situation so like. you do you ig but like i actually can’t stand madja GJRJRJRJRJ

[scourgefrontiers]

oc spotlight: ive

oh my god. oh my GOD ive. my sweet baby boy. my beautiful sunshine child

ive (pronounced eve) is definitely also one of my top favorite ocs ive ever made. he started as just like...i think a sort of spiteful oc?? as in i made him to spite the haters lol. i wanted to make a very powerful saiyan with an all-new transformation that was even more powerful than super saiyan blue and was also rainbow bc fuck u. and that was ive!

here's his first ref

compared to his newest (which still holds up even tho its old so i never bothered to update it but i kinda want to ngl)

ive went to being the one-off final boss for mirrors to being one of the stars of the sequel, facets! his development is off the charts actually. originally a soldier that got kidnapped and used for an experiment by an evil wizard, he eventually got taken in by the universe's god of destruction, who saw his potential to become the next god of destruction with the proper training. he eventually fulfills this role and while he struggles with it he gets the hang of it over time!

his power is what really grew over time though. he started out with just super saiyan albedo--my original rainbow transformation that surpassed blue and could only be defeated by THREE fusion warriors, two of which were blue and one that was ssj4. it was already insane. but then he learned ultra instinct. and if that wasnt enough, he eventually developed a super saiyan form that surpassed even ultra instinct--in fact, it surpassed someone else's form that already surpassed ultra instinct. AND THEN? due to out of control negative emotions, he accidentally brought on this form that would tear the multiverse apart if it wasnt controlled. luckily it was, and he was taken under the grand priest's wing to further train him and hone his power and control over it.

basically he's my most OP dbz oc currently LOL. and god i love him so much. b/c despite his insane powers, he still chooses to be kind. he chooses to love, and he chooses to forgive, and he's just so. HES SO GOOD I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL ANYMORE

look at him in his little god of destruction uniform. look at him

anyway ya. i cant wait for facets bc that means i get to show more of ive's character development and power journey. im so actually excited to get to him at all

oh right one more thing: his relationship with moja, the current god of destruction. he definitely sees moja as a mix of a mentor and a father figure and he cares deeply about him. thats all i really had to say about that but it was important nonetheless

[de4dlyniightshade]

heyy :) erm im gonna fangirl really quick and then the request will be at the end incase you wanna skip to that part or anything, lol. okay so this is very much unnecessary and unasked for and blah blah but i don't care! i believe writers need to hear how much we appreciate them and their works because whew mama! ive been trying to write fics for like months and it actually is so horrible. i genuinely start to angrily vibrate bc my thoughts don't flow on the notes app. but i just wanted to say, nightshade, (ehehe that's so cheeky and silly for some reason) that i reallyyy love your work. its actually like horrific how much your writing just makes me so 😜😊🤭 i know you're not like a celebrity or anything, so it's gonna be weird with this like mini parasocial relationship thing, but please know your work has an impact !! a few months ago, i did something extremely bad and out of character while i was spiraling, and i decided that the best decision for me would be to quit using social media. (and beforehand i had quit using tiktok for like 7 months already and i wasn't that addicted to my phone but i still was consuming negative media) so, ofc, i stopped completely for a good month or so and only ever using youtube every now and then. buttttt, one of the first social media platforms i came back to first... was tumblr! it's actually so silly too because i only used tumblr like 4 times beforehand so i was quite new. but anyway anyway (im a yapper UGH) i really found that your posts had made me feel happy :) idk they kinda reminded me of myself before i went big bad that one time and it made me inspired to go back to how i used to be... u get me?? you're writing literally haunts my brain oh my lord it should be illegal to read your stuff because afterwards i literally have this crazy ass urge to read more and more and more. im lowkey an addict cause i be having my deadlynightshade withdrawals. the way you write is just so 😫 gosh, it's beautiful. i also love ur sillyness because like ME TOO. your random little posts are so me coded and i love it. YOU'RE SO FUNNY 😭 uhmm i just wanted to say thanks for being super cool and talented because believe it or not, the stuff you put out makes me really happy! (that was so melodramatic like mf they write about spencer being a pathetic pussy drunk bitch why are you saying it changed ur life?? its true tho.) erm yeah that's the end of that part i just again wanted to thank you 🙏 i wish we were friends SO BAD like you're actually awesome what the fuck.... but like how do u even become friends w ppl?? LMAO ERM ANYWAY 😍 can you write a blurb or h.c or something (honestly anything will make me happy) about valentine's day?? 🤭 basically spencer being SO FUCKING SHY because you can't stop touching his hands or hair subtly or like kissing his cheek leaving marks from lipstick or like getting him his favorite snacks/drinks/books/textures/ basically a gift that made u think about him?? ugh or him doing the same with you like him being the best fucking nerd boy ever and spoiling you so much like he goes ape shit spending well over his funds limit but it's worth it because it's you? or like sweet soft cutie pie sex? at the end of the day and he's like... Erm.. Pussy for 1 please! you were so pretty today... You always are-! (I'm mentally ill and writing this at 8:37 pm on a thursday night.)

this is. the sweetest shit anyone has ever said to me i actually cried ngl to you.

i'm genuinely so thankful for the little community i have created here i never expected such an insane amount of positivity and love from people just for the whack ass shit i write but that's probably just my perpetual self hatred and disbelief that people enjoy anything about me🤞

i think it's crazy how people on the internet who have never met me, don't know me, what i look like, or anything can treat me better than any of my friends have and i'll always be thankful for that.

ALSO! i love being called funny pls kiss me i never think i'm actually funny istg

i was also planning on writing a valentines fic ALREADY but this made me wanna write it even more as a thank you for this message it genuinely made my week(can't promise it ON TIME for valentines but i can try!)

i'm also so glad that my work and blog makes you happy, there's no privilege greater than making someone smile even when they don't feel like it</3

[morethananhour]

putting all my concert thoughts in a poast before i forget. here we go mucho texto warning. also setlist talk is gonna be out of order probably

the drive to the venue took longer than anticipated, traffic was so backed because dfw is just Like That. dont come here. and ft worth especially oh my GODDDD but we made it in time for the maine. i missed the first opener again its fine

ive only listened to the maine casually over the years and i like them but THEY WERE SUPER FUN LIVE????? the energy was so high for such a short set and they honestly sound better live than album recordings. i may have to stan

also Bassist Hot whats his number

theyre all kinda hot really. from my distance at least. sorry

robby energy

the sound at dickies arena in general is just soooo much fucking better than an outdoor stadium the guitars and drums were up to 11, ppl werent wrong abt the sound quality in this venue. sux its in ft worth though ONE MASSIVE DOWNSIDE kfmjsdkglafk

amazing sound at the cost of my hearing because. i forgot to buy ear plugs again it hurt just a lil bit. especially the pyro. at least its only been 2 times so far I WILL LEARN MY LESSON NEXT TIME LOL

i accidently sat in the wrong section but the my actual tickets i bought were closer so WE TAKE THOSE!!! not close enough to see skin pores but still very much enough

jimmy sounded great!! didnt know most of the songs despite doing a bit of listening but i got bleed american and the middle at the end which both ruled so. worth it

kinda wanted the maine back but ITS OKAY NO SHADE

patrick message on the projector. which is funny for anyone at home but FOR ME THERE I WAS LIKE [DREAD] [DREAD] [DREAD] FUCK DFW WEATHER

imagining patrick doing vocal warmups in the car by himself did lighten my mood just a tad. i had no proof but a feeling he did that

and then the pete images. only got a glimpse thru shitty venue connection but that made me laugh

and my battery was already low so the waiting and stalling was painful 😭

i was directly diagonal from the guy in the east wing lower bowl that started a monkey-see-monkey-do light show thru the whole stadium while waiting for fob and i just love the goodness of people at concerts its everything to me PEOPLE ARE GOOD

the woman next to him also danced like a beautiful drunk swan the entire show and idk if i wanted to be her or be her friend

also if u saw plain ol me clear glasses brunette hair tourdust shirt and bracelets HI YES WAS I

i didnt feel like going around to trade bracelets again as nervous anticipation set in but i DID pick out an american psycho bracelet from a person who came up to me so i completely unknowingly manifested there holy fuck. im cherishing it forever thank u to that person

WRECKING BALL. LMAO

also i sang along to Thats What You Get by Paramore playing in overspeakers because thats my fucking band but I HEARD MORE PPL IN THE CROWD SING ALONG TO OLD PANIC WHICH PERSONALLY OFFENDED ME JUST SAYIN

wdstf singalong was everything. again the energy at concerts <3333 my people

LIKE 30-40 MIN LATER FOB IS ON FINALLY. i did not cry this time to lftos i was just glad they were there the worry Dissolved

joe and andy were so visible from my seats i stared at them both nearly the entire show. patrick brain out the window they are SO MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE IN PERSON IM TELLIN YALL 4K HIGH DEFINITION THRU MY EYEBALLS GOT MY BRAIN IN A. TORNADO!

photos and videos were not fantastic my phone is nawt the latest model so nothing worth posting here sadly. but for myself? everythang

IM KICKING MYSELF because i so clearly had andy in view for HIS DRUMSTICK THING DURING SUGAR but MY FINGER DIDNT PRESS RECORD BUTTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please. please if ur close to andy, video that for me i need it for no reason other than its my favorite lil thing that nobody at tourdust shows. thank u so mch

NO CHICAGO FOR ME THIS TIME getting doa twice is kinda crazy ngl

patrick apology (no tears) for grand theft autumn was funny

andy and pete had cute smiley interactions around disloyal order during the set. or before that idk. i know a bubble hit andy's drum kit (or he swatted it away himself?) and they were smiling at that 😭😭😭 theyre litrly besties do u understand.........

of course p squared still did their signature scissoring techniques thank u for that old men

NO HEAVEN IOWA. THEY SKIPPED HEAVEN IOWAA FOR DOLDRUMS. i still went hard of course but CONSIDERING HOW GR8 THE SOUND WAS I WAS ONLY SLIGHTLY BUMMED

you dont even wanna know how estatic i was for hum hallelujah. i had to get myself proof of it for it to be real. tahnk u. ill never recover ever. peace and love in my brain

i dont rememebr certain songs where joe had this very specific swagger but he so very much did i saw him. with my own eyes. (in the voice of the luke skywalker tweet) dont worry joe i'll appreciate ur cuntiness

headfirst slide. in this venue.

oh my god bro

both p squared riffs <3 especially the one near the end where pete saw someone watching shit on their phone nd said it was basketball JEYDEUGHEKDLK patrick chiming in w something about dont make fun of his step-dad. gold.

saying smfs reminded him of texas #TEXANPRIDE #COWBOYS

PATRICK DURING RIFF SAYNG HIS GLASSES ARENT CURRENT PRESCRIPTION. THE REVEAL THAT HE STILL CANT SEE. WE LOST

medley was like. a relief to me because i expected it it was like a cool towel in the midst for what was about to come. cant blame the guy for getting literally zero practice beforehand fmdsjfdslg

the 8 ball.

i cried BIG PHAT BABY TEARS

i love them more than words can say. i didnt know i needed it but i did

im still emotional thinking abt it

saturday aftercare cured all (even though i was WOOPED from going so hard EVERY SONG. couldnt scream anymore my voice is still shot. i refuse to NOT go as hard as i do)

i think that is all the notable stuff i remember i wish i couldve written down stuff on the ride home BUT i will add more if i think of it. overall its hard to say which show i liked better they both meant the absolute world to me!!! FALL OUT BOY FOREVER

[lord-shitbox]

ok whole ask game have fun

SPOILERS! readmore cos its long

Favorite main 6 omori character?

Hero :)

Favorite side character?

Brett, the ankylosaur cashier at dino's dig. fishboy also

favorite songs from the OST?

All the deeper well OSTs, Bready steady go, GOLDENVENGEANCE, dear little brother, it means everything, world's end valentine are Most of them i think....big fan of carrot113's remixes

favorite bosses?

i like spaceboy/boyfriend/exboyfriend/husband/exhusband. and mutantheart

favorite photos from Basil's album?

picnic one is good

Favorite area in headspace?

orange oasis & deeper well

favorite area in black space (1 or 2)?

the watermelon & mewo rooms are messed up. <3 just realized i didnt go into black space 2 actually..

favorite area in faraway town?

didn't poke around in here very much tbh. basils house is pretty cool

do you prefer headspace, black space, or the real world? why

black space fucks severely

favorite omori ships (if any)?

not super into omori shipping. kel/sunny fanart is usually pretty swag tho

do you kin any of the characters? who?

no i gender envy hero tho

favorite route & ending of the game?

true route/ending

any headcanons?

mm i think sunny actually didn't want the violin his friends got him & eventually broke it in frustration, which is what caused his fight with mari at the top of the stairs

(citations: the "present" item in the game inflicts Angry ("it's not what you wanted...") & in one of the lost library scenes sunny is upset he has to miss out on saturday morning cartoon time to practice, + the broken violin at the bottom of the stairs before their fight)

favorite moment in the game?

memory lane was pretty cool. + black space watermelon. i like the messed up stuff

What stood out to you the most?

hero's "you have to trust that we'll forgive you" line

favorite in-game items, skills, or moves?

veggie kid charm is cute. I like combining kel's Tickle with omori's Red Hands & aubrey's headbutt/beatdown/last resort

favorite boss fight?

humphrey is creepy. it got to me the first time so it's very good

most annoying part of the game?

rerunning it for achievements...actually finding berly's ball was hard screw that shit

what do you dislike about omori?

took me a while to figure out how to figure out where to go/what to do. isnt always easy to figure out how to start a new day either

something you wish was different in the game?

i dont tend to think of these kinds of things

if you could change something about the game, what would it be?

nothing in particular. id like an "ignore all minor enemies" mode to just blast through areas if ive got somewhere to be but it takes some of the point away

what was your initial reaction to the true/good ending?

oh boy

to be real my initial reactions are always dimmed it takes me several hours to process anything

what was your initial reaction to the bad/neutral endings?

underwhelmed, ngl

scene in the game that scared you the most?

see below i think. i enjoyed it greatly

what do you think is the scariest thing/event in the game?

the hands cat in marina's area of humphrey (experiment 667)

do you own any omori merchandise

nope

How did playing omori change you (if it did)?

hmm..i think my perspective has been expanded. really liked the nonsensical aspects of the game

Have you made any new friends after playing the game?

a little! got closer with an ig mutual who likes it

has playing omori introduced you to new games or hobbies?

very vaguely. theres a sort of "if you like undertale youll like omori" attitude that finally got me to try it

why is omori special to you?

has a lot of the things i like. good ost, visually interesting & appealing, surreal/nonsensical elements, funny, fucked up shit, scary shit, plants, dinosaurs

do you want to high-five Kel?

don't see why i wouldn't

[paintcloset]

Week 2 Plus Weeks

On Monday I went to the Zuidplein Library for the first time to study. I covered Neutral adn Charged objects, charge interaction, and Newtons third law. That law states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. That night I drempt of opposite charges attracting and Newtons third law.

Later that day I went to Karin's studio visit. One of the studios we got to visit was Inge Aanstoot's painting studio. I LOVEEEEEEd her work. Literally how I picture my art studio to look one day hopefully.

Her work is very detailed which is very up my alley. I was very intrested in her process because the paintings themselves seemed to be very rich in information and research which I was correct about

This is a pieace of her painting "Nature, nurture, faults & culture" which we got to see and she a explained the reaserch behind it. I though it was really intresting, because she said that even though her work, especially this one, has a lot of background research, its not important for the audience to pick up on all the information pictured, but it is important for the creation of the piece. Also super cool to learn that she doesnt sketch out the work on paper first, but instead takes a lot of notes for it. This is really resonating with me currently since most of what Ive been doing id research and notes.

Tuesday was more physics research, now at school. Went through the books in the library just trying to see what we have on electronics, physics and musics. Couldn't spot a section on music which I found strange but I did find quite a few things on physics and electronics! Didn't start reading due to knowing I need to learn more about the basics before diving into the details

Wednesday I went to Gelijkstroom studio viewing. Hella cold but relatively close to me. I went over with my dad whether its a viable option to join the vereniging, and after clarifying some details about the contract and set up, Im in :D ! The countract starts february first, which also when we first pay rent and start setting up so Im exhited to finally have a painting studio.

Thursday I got to school and realized I left my research notebook at home. I was getting a bit bored of simply following the physics curriculum so I didn't really mind. Instead I decided to sit down and write a think piece about academia from everything I had been thinking about while getting more involved in learning outside a class curriculum.

Then I started thinking about how to make my research into something physical based off the conversation I had with Desiree.

I was thinking of the experiments associated with demonstrating physics in classroom. The one on the right is the Van de Graff generator, which is a static ball. The one on the left is a demonstration of Newton's Third Law.

Then we went to Melly with Farah to see the Patterns of Exploitation/Strings of life exhibition

This was my favorite piece called "Love Letter to People and Places" by Ottavia Natoli. Teared up a little ngl

Friday I stayed home and decided to make the sketch I made earlier in the week into a digital painting. I used a technic I had previously done in high school of drawing with a mouse. I originally did it when the touchscreen on my previous laptop had stopped working and I wanted to see if I could still digitally paint with a mouse. I find this method a lot more intuiative than drawing on a touchscreen to be honest. Just feels like Im layering paint. Its like digital pointilism and lets me give up a certain level of control that I have when painting, making it less stress free. Might render more in the future

[sunnybubblezzz]

SUCH A GOOD WEEK

okay well first of all i’ll start with just how great this weekend was. like UGHHESAHDH and then im just gonna say how grateful i am to God because woah im soo happy.

okay well first of all, DUHHH BIRTHDAY WEEK. i genuinely forgot this week was my birthday and MANNASND IM SO HAPPY. like i didnt get to do ALL the things i wanted for my birthday and i didnt get everything i wanted ofcofc but woah this week was amazing.

I GOT TO SEE THE HUNGER GAMES. THAT MOVIE WAS INCREDIBLE and i got to go with two of my close friends. i was really really sad bc i thought we wouldnt be able to go and i DOOO wish more of my friends were able to come with me.

BUT LIKE IT WAS SOOO GOOD AND I LOVE THE FRIENDS WHO CAME WITH ME.

you guys are never gonna see this but i loved that day and it brought me sm joy you have no idea. PLUS I GOT TO SEE SNOW???

my birthday day was eh BUTBUT EVERYONE SENT THEIR BIRTHDAY TEXTS TO ME AND I NO LIE GOT SOO HAPPY. i didnt expect all my friends to remember idk but they did and i was OVERJOYED.

THEN I GOT TO GO ICE SKATING FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY? it was SOOO nice and was SOO much fun plus that was an amazing time with my friends

and my friend gave me a birthday gift..

I LEGIT SHED TEARS (okay not in front of her but still) LIKE I CANNOT. it was only one person but man sometimes i forget how good it feels to get a gift from someone.

like… im always the one giving gifts but it really really touched my heart to get one from her and I LOVE HER SM AND I CANTTT IT MADE MY DAY.

i love you i really do.

then ofc i saw one of my closest(?) friends (and i lowkey felt we were drifting apart) like FOUR TIMES THIS WEEK BACK TO BACK. okay okay trust me thats a lot for us 💀.

we went to the mall together which was lowkey weird bc she never asks me to hang out like that. AND I GOT THE PERFECTT DRESS LIKE I LOVE IT SMM??

then WE WENT TO THE GENSHIN CONCERT

moment of silence for just how GRATEFUL I AMMM.

i love you SMMSMM for getting me tickets like the opportunity of a lifetime?? ngl i lowkey was kinda mad bc the friend we took wasnt as grateful as i felt she should have been… thats how grateful i was like “how can someone not thank this girlie with all her might”

it was a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE and im only sad that one of out other friends couldnt go.

I WAS JUST

AHSDHASHDHSDHHS

IT WAS SO GOOOD

okay and now for one of my favorite moments..

okay so we were taking pics with some of the cosplayers and then this other cosplayer talks behind us… i look behind me, look at her cosplay and immediately say, “YING?” AND SHE SAYS YES???

like in the car we were looking at twitter for who’s going and was AMAZED that ying was and hoped we get to see her. I DID NOT EXPECT US TO?

LIKE I JUST RECOGNIZED HER FROM HER VOICE. the last time i listened to this girls voice was months ago but SHHH that’s unimportant.

what ISSS IMPORTANT IS THAT I SAW HER, FANGIRLED OVER HER, SHE CALLED ME PRETTY, THEN I WAS JUST OVERJOYED.

THENNN I WENT HOME, POSTED THE INTERACTION ON TWITTER, AND SHE SAID SHE REMMBERED ME.. HELLO??

LIKE WHY ARE SO MUCH GOOD STUFF HAPPENING TO ME ITS NOT ADDING UP.

i wouldnt call myself an unlucky person (luck isn’t real). but i will say that a lot of unfortunate things happen to me usually and ive just learned to go with the flow. but idk im just just so HAPPY and so GRATEFUL and and im scared that it’ll all get ruined when i wake up but man cant i live in this moment of happiness forever?

then today was just such an amazing day like such a great end to my birthday week i just. im just.

anyway to end it off, one of my friends from a while ago texted me asking if i ever drew this picture for this girl named sarah.. it took a sec, but i recognized the drawing and remembered.

I WAS IN SHOCK IT WAS A LITTLE BIRTHDAY DRAWING I DREW FOR THIS GIRL LIKE YEARSSSSSSS AGO?

she said she really loved it sm, kept it for years, and that i was super nice.

OKAY LIKE I CANT BELIEVE SHE KNOWS THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS FIRSTLY. BUT SECONDLY WHAT?? LIKE IM JUST FROZEN WITH JOY SHE KEPT MY DRAWING FOR YEARS? not a rip in sight…

its just SO encouraging and so so idek im just so happy.

then to end it off, the artist WHO WAS MY MOST LISTENED TO ARTIST OF 2024 WITH 2,000+ MINUTES OF LISTENING??? SAID SHE WOULD POST MY SKETCHBOOK SPREAD (inspired by her music) ON HER STORY WHEN I FINISHED IT?

i

i love you God so much.

just i was feeling so down this past idek month or more because i just have such idek its just so much things happen to me and i just have to go along with it and not let it phase me. i feel so much emotions but none of them bring me down yknow? like i have to be happy and i dont FEEL happy…

but this.

this week makes me feel like God loves me and all of these things happened because of Him. I love him and I love all my friends, I really do love all of you guys.

some of you guys DOO get on my nerves, some of you guys ARE confusing, some of you guys are kinda weird, and i do feel like i love some of you more then you love me.. but in the end you guys are my friends. i love you guys.

and i love you God. I love you for everything you do and I dont know why you love me but I’m sososo happy you do. no one will ever love me like you do. thank you for always being there for me. i love you.

and so we end this. i KNOW that ill cry bc of sadness again (probably in the near future ngl) and I KNOWW that this happy feeling wont last. but for right now im gonna treasure it… please ANDDD thank you.

happy birthday to me.