#one of my favorite monologues in the game tbh

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

I came across Clemente Sanchez's "Sao Sebastião" a while ago and was immediately struck with the need to draw Lae'zel in the same pose

I had a lot of fun with the process but I might take the sketch/underpainting and make a different version with my usual techniques

[crowcryptid]

damn they got a glassing beam in this

[fuckentoastybitch]

I played Assignment Due: Project Blue in July but I just remembered I didn't talk about it at all here.

I was very busy with uni, still am tbh ;-;

Aaand there are also a bunch of other VNs I've played besides bloomic that I haven't shared my thoughts on on this blog. I swear I want to expand more than just BP but IRL stuff gets in the way y'know.

ANYWAYS. I checked the dev's (reidubu) twitter and I saw that they're gonna add updates to the game? Or something like that? I'm not caught up with everything but I just wanna gush over my favorite things about the original game.

I think it goes without saying, if you haven't played Project Blue before then beware for spoilers below! I don't go into detail about the actual plot with the exception for some screenshots.

Everything about the game from the aesthetic (baby blue and pink are one of my favorite color combo and I love bunny themed aesthetic), to the story is absolute perfection.

I feel like this game was almost made specifically for me lol because Asher, the love interest is literally the embodiment of my irl taste. My fictional tastes are a little more questionable but let's ignore that

I mean????? He's smart but super humble, clearly likes soft and cute aesthetics too, likes bunnies and froggos hello??? Wears comfy sweater AND THE GLASSES AND CHAIN oh my god just looking at him makes me blush.

Not only that but the MC also kinda talks like me?? At least they banter the same way I do with my friends in dms. I showed my best friend one of their dialogues and even she agreed the MC sounded so much like me lmao

and finally.. my most favourite part:

The "you're a good blue to me" monologue

Absolutely ruined me.

When people who love you say that you're a literal personification of their favorite thing >>>>>>>

UGH /pos

Okayyy that's all the thoughts I have for now djghjfhsd thanks for reading 💙

[lesbiansanemi]

SHINOBU FOR ASK GAME!!!

OFC OFC HELL YES MY BELOVED SHINOBU <3 TY JAYFORD <333

Favorite thing about them: There are so, so many things I love about Shinobu, but ultimately I think my favorite thing has to be her all-consuming desire for revenge. That sounds so edgy, but it is very rare that I get to see a female character have a genuine revenge plot line, let alone that being the main focus of her story, and it actually gets to end with her killing the man she wants revenge against. So many revenge plot lines (especially ones given to women) end with the character giving up vengeance, or allowing someone else to take it for them. Not Shinobu. She got what she wanted and told Douma to go fuck himself in hell. Queen shit

Least favorite thing about them: I tried so hard to come up with something, but I truly have no genuine complaints with Shinobu's character and how she's written. So I'll choose something petty. Her hairstyle. Like, pinned up it looks fine, I like it, but we never see her hair down so I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IT DRIVES ME INSANE. I def don't think she has very long heir, I tend to go with shoulder length, but god I would love to know

Favorite line: Tbh her whole monologue from her opening scene still sticks with me. Her cadence and word choices and cheery smile as she talks about torturing the sister spider demon did such a good job of introducing her as a character, and their the lines I can most clearly remember off the top of my head

brOTP: Now.... hear me out.... Shinobu and Sanemi. I like the hc that they grew kind of close themselves when Sanemi and Kanae were Hashira together. I think they probably would have gotten along pretty well (well, by Shinobu and Sanemi standards) before Shinobu adopted a lot of Kanae's mannerisms and personality after her death. Because of this, I like to think that Sanemi is one of the few people she will fall back into her "old" personality with, at least in small ways. I do think they drifted apart after Kanae's death though. Partially because Shinobu emotionally distanced herself from pretty much everyone, but also because Sanemi didn't like her trying to emulate Kanae in the ways that she did. He found it weird and unsettling. But, every now and then, in brief moments where they're alone together, they can fall into old teasing and banter more easily than they realize

OTP: ShinoMitsu, easily! It's one of my favorite kny ships in general. I think that Shinobu and Mitsuri compliment each other as characters very well, and there is so much angst potential regarding their relationship (I know you know what I'm talking about, you understand Jayford haha). Mitsuri inspiring Shinobu to want to live again but she doesn't know how is actually something that can be so personal

nOTP: Shinobu x any man. Sorry that's a whole lesbian. But more specifically, I really can't fuck with Giyu//Shino or Dou//Shino. Keep that shit AWAY from me. I just don't like them in general, but I find so much of the content for them leans very heavily into "woman fixes sad broken man" and makes Shinobu way too nurturing and mothery which.... eugh....

Random headcanon: I like the headcanon that she opens the Butterfly Mansion to any women who need a shelter/resources for any reason, related to demons or not. The estate is huge, and as a Hashira, money is not an issue. So she's more than happy to give any women and girls a place to stay if they need to get out of bad situations (be it related to family, marriage, or something demonic). She is obviously very busy, so she's not directly involved with a lot of the women who are in and out, but she does what she can for them. She's also very willing to get any girls to good trainers to become swordsmen, if they want

Unpopular opinion: I feel people in the fandom swing wildly between two misinterpretations of her. The first being where people act like she's a much "better" person than she is, and who seem to fall for her smiles and pleasant tone. They treat her as if she can do no wrong, and tend to get mad/upset if someone depicts her as less than perfect (wild to me, esp considering canon makes it very obvious that she has many flaws). However, you also have the other side of the spectrum, where people act as if she's a horrible, awful irredeemable bitch and disregard her kindness as nothing but an act because she's complex and sometimes does questionable things. I do think both of these things are rooted in misogyny, the belief that women have to either be perfect goddesses, OR they're two-faced fake bitches, and unfortunately because Shinobu is so nuanced, she tends to get both. But yeah I hate both these interpretations of her and they are both very wide spread. Like guys... can we please just appreciate her for being a nuanced character who has both good and bad aspects, I'm begging

Song I associate with them: I have a couple! Kamikaze and Spoils of War for Shinobu specifically, and then Thank You For the Venom and Dying Star for some ShinoMitsu vibes imo (I should make a Shinobu/ShinoMitsu playlist)

Favorite picture of them: Every time I think of this little drawing I lose my mind, it's so cute and the way Shinobu is just fucking staring at her.... Real

[theo-files]

hi im new to ur blog and love b99, so obviously i have questions :3

fav character? fav couple/duo? fav scene/s? fav season? fav episode? how do u feel abt s8 (not mentioning the finale, bcuz it was amazing, but like the rest of the season)? oh, and do u quote any specific scenes on a daily basis (bcuz i do. a lot.)? that's all lol

hello!!! firstly i LOVE your pfp (don't ask me abt clancy tho i haven't listened to it yet 😭)

okay so i have a whole post of jake peralta images so...yeah my fave is jake!! love that silly guy with my whole heart. fave duo has to be jake and holt and tbh i don't really care for much of the couples lol. they're all cute though, don't get me wrong (i mean, have you seen jake and amy? kevin and holt??).

OKAY favorite scene is 100% in s5e14 the box when jake storms into the interrogation room and starts to monologue (im about to monologue, son) to the murderer/dentist guy and purposefully downplaying the murder so the dentist gets angry and confesses (bc he realized the dentist guy wanted people to that he's smart like how he wants holt to know that he's smart)

favorite season is either season four featuring jake's frosted tips and kiss with holt (it's 2016, man) or season five with jake and rosa in jail. favorite episode however is s2e01 undercover with mafia jake!! he actually looks so good in that episode im losing it.

season eight was AMAZING. starting off with the good ones where they actually talk about police brutality and rosa becoming a PI. jake being forced to realize how police brutality affects BIPOC and understanding why rosa left the nine-nine. then the lake house with the dramatic kevin and holt kiss lol. balancing is really funny tbh with jake and amy getting lice and trying to take care of mac. im also p sure that's the episode where they almost hire a criminal as a babysitter. PB & J is also amazing and so is the game of boyle's.

beside cool (x3) i also somehow quote "the doctor said all my bleeding is internal! that's where the blood's supposed to be!" a lot. we've also got "head first, eyes closed, can't lose." and "i don't just think it will, i KNOW it might!" now ignore that those are all jake peralta quotes.

thank you for letting me geek out abt b99!! very much appreciated :)

[kustas]

dagda and olruggio for the aak game!

My first impression

Dagda: I actually don't remember! I don't think I paid much attention to him at first. He's very much an npc with little personality in the first chapters he appears in

Olruggio: hello handsome followed by woah. Here comes a true hater

My impression now

Dagda: very underrated character, I really like him but I'm not sure if at this point it's the character or my interpretation of him I like most! I used to have a lot of headcanons about his past who all got disproven by the story but I still think a lot about what he'd have been up to before plot beats, and what he's like as a person.

Olruggio: I'm fond of him! Goofy and endearing, really good foil to Qifrey, and nice with the girls....:) he's also a very relatable character to me, in many ways! And his design goes extremely hard

Favorite thing about that character

Dagda: how he views his relationship with his son. It's tragic but loving at once, that he sees him as his biggest triumph and the only worthwhile thing he's done in his life. If only you knew how highly your little guy thinks of you...

Olruggio: as mentioned before I share a lot of his personality traits and it's relaxing to me to see him portrayed as sympathetic for it. I also really like his place in the story, as someone with good contacts in witch society and legal obligations, his position as the Eye brings both tension to the story and real nice hints of world building elements

Least favorite thing

Dagda: hard to tell because he doesn't have a lot of screentime tbh. I wish he did not get murked because it feels distasteful to give Custas this much trouble when he's already struggling enough. But that's not really about Dagda isn't it

Olruggio: how he's reduced to blushy tsundere for fandom tropes' sake. He is those things but he is more than that

Favorite line/scene

Dagda: Either the monologue where he talks about Cus being the only good deed he's done, or the short flashback where he's spared by the musicians after accepting they were going to kill him

Olruggio: I struggled to pick, but I'm gonna say, the moment he finds the disabled kid in the street. It's such a good scene in terms of drama and in relation to the wider themes of the series

Favorite interaction that character has with another

Dagda: When he replies to his boy begging him to abandon him with a silent hug and wet puppy eyes

Olruggio: Previously mentioned scene with the lil kid, how he snaps at Agott during the river rescue mission, his tense little staircase moment with Utowin

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

Dagda: of the ones he's interacted with previously : Lulucy, Olruggio, Coco. His interactions with adult witches are interesting because of the balance of power. I could write an essay about his relationship with Lulucy just based on that alone! With Oru, it's because I believe they have a lot in common and could actually get along well. With Coco, I find endearing how gentle it is to her, and given she mostly knows him as a father and her own dad died when she was very young, it might be cool to see how that goes.

Of the ones he has not interacted with previously, I am begging mentally for him to spend a significant amount of time with one of the Wise Three, the king, or both - to contrast between the leaders of their respective societies, and a guy who is the lowest of the low in said societies. Also I really want a world where he hangs out with the atelier girlies and they get to bother him

Olruggio: of the characters he's interacted with: all the girlies...especially Riche and Agott. He's less...overtly affectionate? Than Qifrey, more frank and snappy but it feels like they like him for that. Dagda as previously mentioned. Beldaruit bc their interactions were rly funny lol

Of the characters he's not interacted with yet: Lagler, because they're both witches who work with unknowings with strong moral compasses. Ininia, because I want to see him react to a kid who's unapologetically in his opposing faction. Atwert, because given that guy's current situation and his own empathy it would bring up lots of interesting elements I feel

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

Dagda: they have nothing in common personality wise but lots of contextual parallels with a character I adored as a kid, Dustfingers

Olruggio: as previously established, Me from Real Life (jk. I couldn't find a good one for him)

A headcanon about that character

Dagda: I think he's a very meek and submissive man who's seen a lot of shit but has never tried to fight against it properly. Haven't decided yet if it's because he's a pessimist or just doesn't care. Also I think he's not very clever

Olruggio: That one's basically confirmed but I like to imagine he gets wooed a lot even by unknowings, and absolutely hates it LOL

A song that reminds of that character

Dagda: Corvus Corax - La i Mbealtaine. It's my voice claim for him, and given he's named after a Celtic god and he's a minstrel, a gaelic song made from a medieval poem feels fitting

Olruggio: can't think of one ;_;

An unpopular opinion about that character

Dagda: nobody ever talks about this bloke lol there are no popular opinions. I'm the only one. Hello. Hi

Olruggio: I'm not denying there's something kinda gay in the air in that Atelier but the fandom's accepted romantic pairing of him and Qifrey feels completely OOC. It would not be a nice sweet relationship, Qifrey is a sneaky elusive man with deep rooted trust issues and Oru strongly corrects him. I think they have deep affection for each other that manifests in commitment and boundaries but that their actual communication is entraves by both their personalities and that in their current state at least they would never enter a traditional relationship

Favorite picture

Dagda: this panel bc it's closets to how I draw him/imagine his face! He's got some cute panels too tho

Olruggio: yes it's not in the manga but man. Unmatched swag and the details are so sweet. U know crumbs fly off when he sits up. I could NOT find the full pic but you need to know he's wearing fuckass flipflops with this fit

[writer-darling]

Folie à Deux

READ PART 1 HERE

Rating: T - TEENS (13+)

Pairing: Marcus Pike (The Mentalist, 2008) x GN!Reader

Warnings: Gender neutral reader. Pre-established relationship. Post-breakup. Whole lotta angst. Cursing. Mentions of being drunk. Love confessions. Crying. Marcus done goofed big time and he knows it. Reader is stubborn but still loves him. Lotta groveling. Poor Marcus gets ragged on but tbh he kinda deserves it. Teresa Lisbon slander. Both Marcus and Reader are touch-starved (it’s my favorite trope, leave me alone). If there are any that I missed, please inbox me to let me know and I will add them in :)

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary!: Inspired by Pedro’s “For All the Lovesick Mad Sad Geniuses” monologue for The 24 Hours Plays channel on Youtube

******

You wish you could say that you stormed your way into his apartment, guns blazing, and demanded to talk to him. In reality, you almost chickened out halfway to his place. But you knew that if you didn’t go now, you’d absolutely never go again. And you needed to see him. You needed to talk to him. You park behind his Grand Jeep Cherokee and take a second to calm the nerves in your gut. His lights are off and you begin to think maybe he’s asleep already. Oh well.  

You step out of the car, walk across the small lawn, and knock on his door. Waiting a couple of minutes, there’s no sign of him being inside. That doesn’t stop you from knocking again.

“Oh, I’ve been looking for that shirt.” That’s the first thing out of his mouth when he opens the door, his eyes fixated on your torso before meeting your eyes. You roll them in response to his nonchalance and push your way past him into the house.

“What the hell kind of game are you playing, Marcus?” His dark brows draw together in confusion as he closes the door behind you both as you turn to face each other.

“I’m, um, not-not playing a game. I just missed you.” He admits. He’s still buzzed, but his speech pattern is a little more stable and he doesn’t look as crazed as he did in the video. Still, you know it’s from tonight. He’s wearing the same white t-shirt with the red bullseye and his facial hair is as long and unkempt as it was then.

“You miss me?” You ask, scoffing.

“Is that really so hard to believe?” He asks, his hands in his grey sweatpants’ pockets. 

“Uh yeah, considering you’re the one who broke up with me.” You reply, your eyes turning to slits as you give him your nasiest death glare. He grimaces, looking down.

“I-I know, honey I’m sorry. I should have never-”

“Don’t call me that.” You cut him off, the pet name just feeling like salt on the wound. After not hearing it for so long, it stings, sitting like acid in the back of your mouth. He nods, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and glancing up at you.

“Right, um sorry. Force of habit.”

“Why did you send me this video? To mess with me?” You ask. You hold your phone up to him with the text thread open. 

“What? No, of course not. I um, I just thought that uh maybe I could… Jesus, I don’t know, get all my feelings out without bothering you. You made it clear on the day we broke up you never wanted to see me again, and I stayed away. But I- fuck, I just missed you so much. I… I needed to see you. I knew if I sent that video, you would come.” He moves closer and you take a step back, even placing a palm up to warn him to stay away. He respects that and moves back again, even as his eyes lock with yours, pleading with you. You sigh and run a hand through your hair, pacing in place. He continues on, watching as you move in a small circle back and forth.

“It’s pathetic, I know. But, I just-” He swallows, unable to stop himself from taking another, smaller step towards you. “Really fucking missed you.” You scoff.

“You’re right: it is pathetic.” You respond, stopping in your tracks with venom in your voice. He doesn’t argue. You sigh, running a hand down your face. “I shouldn’t have come here, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.” You take a step towards the door but he moves, not towards you but placing half of himself between you and the door.

“But you came. You’re here. Please, don’t go.” He pleads, still keeping distance between you two but you notice his body twitching with the urge to cross the room towards you. You cross your arms over your chest defensively in response to that.

“Marcus-”

“Breaking up was a mistake. I never, uh, never-never meant to hurt you, I never meant for things to turn out like this between us. I-I- shit - I was a fucking idiot to ever break up with you, and I’m sorry for everything.” He looks like he’s about to drop to his knees and your heart tugs at the sight. You’re silent for a few moments, letting the pause linger between you two.

“What about Teresa?” You ask. He’s shaking his head.

“It’s-It’s over. She never wanted me, and I knew it the moment I tried to make it work with her again..” He insists, but he can tell you don’t believe him “I knew she was only playing me. But I still fell for it. I wanted to believe that she cared about me like I used to care about her but uh, I guess she didn’t. And-And I tried to love her like before, but I couldn’t. I knew I wanted you.” His eyes flick up to your again. “I ended it months ago, I swear.”

“Swearing isn’t gonna just fix things, Marcus. Neither is some drunk excuse to see me.” You respond.

“Then what will? Tell me, please, Christ I-I’ll do anything.” 

“Anything? Gee, why don’t you pay for my next $100-dollar-an-hour therapy session?? Or uh I know, how about giving me the last ten miserable months of my life back??” Your tone is cruelly sardonic, but you don’t care. You’ve been through hell for almost a year and he never once tried to reach out until now. He still doesn’t argue, just gives you those same sad eyes, and that makes you angrier. “You broke my fucking heart, Marcus. And what’s worse is: you did it for your fucking ex.” The ex that practically used him as a rebound. The ex that broke his heart and then threw it away at the last possible second like yesterday’s garbage. No tears come this time, and you’re glad for it. You don’t want him to see you cry.

“I know I did, and I’m more sorry than you’ll ever know. So, let me make it up to you. Let me show you that I won’t ever make that mistake again.” He tentatively approaches you, his eyes searching you for any sign that you still want him to stay away. You don’t though, your resolve lessening, and that gives him courage. He places his hands on your upper arms, still moving as slowly as he can. When you don’t push him or step away, one corner of his mouth turns up into a small smile. “I’m an idiot and an asshole and I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“No, you don’t.” You say, but the anger in your voice is gone, visible shivers going down your back from his touch. He brightens up a bit at that, a hopeful glimmer in his eye.

“I know… Stay, please? Even if it's just for tonight? Please?” He asks again. He uses your ultimate weakness, rubbing open-palmed from your elbows up to your shoulders. You shiver again, the warmth of his hands making you lose your focus, even making you shut your eyes. Damn, you really had missed him. “Please, honey, stay with me. Let me make it all up to you.” 

You shouldn’t do this. Giving him another chance would destroy you, wouldn’t it? And, shit what does this say about you?? Going back to an ex just like him. It’s stupid, pointless! But ever since stepping into his place, since even seeing him, you’ve been itching with the urge to touch him too. To be near him again. He waits as you think, his eyes scanning your body language, your face, for any inclination to what you’re thinking. Finally, you make your decision. You open your eyes and meet his gaze. 

“You can start by taking a shower because you smell like a fucking liquor store.” You respond, stepping away from him. Your tone isn’t angry or cruel, just serious. Your body immediately misses him. He grins wide, and immediately turns to go, not even giving you time to change your mind. That doesn't stop you from speaking up though, "Marcus?"

"Yes?" He asks, looking at you from over his shoulder.

"The facial hair looks good on you." His grin returns, wider this time, and he goes.

 Your attention zeroes in on him the moment you hear the shower shut off. When he exits the bathroom after a few more minutes, he’s sobered up and smelling like his tea tree oil shampoo. You’ve been sitting on the couch, waiting for him. You’re exhausted now, this rollercoaster of emotions draining you more than you could’ve expected.  

“Better?” He asks, making you take a good look at him. The healthy post-shower flush gives his skin a glowing rosiness, his hair is slicked back, water droplets plopping down the fabric of the dark blue t-shirt he’s wearing. His brown eyes are no longer glassy or red-rimmed, making him look more alert. He’s kept the facial hair, though it’s trimmed and neat now, making him look less disheveled. Your eyes can’t stop themselves from travelling down further, taking in the planes and angles of his body. The urge to touch him again overtakes you and he notices, smirking a little. You avert your eyes, sighing and standing up. 

“It’ll do for now.” You respond. You walk over to his linens closet and open it up, grabbing some extra blankets and one of the extra pillows he has in there. He stays quiet, until you begin spreading one of the blankets out on the couch.

“What are you doing?” He asks as he watches you..

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m setting up the couch so I can get some sleep.”

“What?? No, absolutely not. Go to the bedroom. I’ll sleep on the couch.” He says, making a grab for the other blanket.

“Marcus-”

“Go.” He says, his voice soft but unwavering as he meets your eyes. You give him a long look but he just smiles, nodding in encouragement towards the bedroom. “C’mon, for me, hon.” You reluctantly let the blanket go, into his hands. You’re too tired to argue anymore. You take a few steps towards the bedroom, but pause when the scent of him wafts over to you from the open bathroom. You turn to look at him over your shoulder.

“Come to bed with me.” It’s not a question, and he doesn’t have to be told twice, immediately walking over. 

“Are you sure?” He asks. You decide to be honest, shaking your head as you grab his hand in yours and guide him to the bedroom.

“No.” You give him a tentative smile and he returns it, nodding and following along quietly.

There’s a brief moment before fully waking up that makes you think this is another dream. Another perfect subconscious scenario where you wake up in Marcuses’ arms and you’re perfectly happy. Right before there’s literally a rude awakening and you’re forced to ignore the hollow sadness in your chest for the rest of the day. But this time, it doesn’t come. His warmth doesn’t melt away as your mind pulls you from your fantastical refuge. The tears don’t suddenly flow from your eyes as you take in your surroundings. Your heart doesn’t skip and stutter when you realize you’re alone and lonely as ever. 

Instead, the arms around you pull you closer once he feels you shift. The wispy strands of his hair tickle your jaw from where his face is tucked into your neck. His breathing is even and warm against your skin, while his chest is even warmer against your back. Now, tears do come, but this time for an entirely different reason. You try to keep quiet, to keep him from waking up, but you know you fail when he lets out a groggy, gruff, “Honey, what’s wrong?” He releases you to let you turn in his embrace. He’s alert now, and he grabs your face in his hands, wiping the tears that prick the edges of your vision.

“Nothing, I’m-I’m fine, actually.” You let out a soft, disbelieving chuckle. “For the first time in a long… I’m fine.” You admit. His worried expression softens and he kisses your forehead. You decide to change the subject, embarrassed by how much crying you’ve done in the last 72 hours. “How did you sleep?” You ask him, sniffling a bit.

“The best I’ve slept all year.” He replies. You can tell he means it too. You nod quietly, smiling and he smiles back. “You wanna get up yet?” You shrug, enjoying this too much but wondering what he has in mind. He’s always thinking ahead.

“What’s your plan exactly?” You ask. He hums pensively and lets out a relaxed exhale. 

“Consider this my offer, for now: I want to take you to Betty’s Breakfast, come home, and spend all day making this whole mess up to you. I’ll buy you flowers on the way home. I’ll cook for us both. And I’ll shower you with affection.” His offer is tempting. You pretend to mull it over for just a beat too long, and he smiles again.

“It’s gonna take more than one day, you know?” You say, meeting his eyes.

“I know; I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if that’s what it takes.” He swears. You laugh softly again and he grabs one of your hands, bringing your palm up to his jaw. You cradle his cheek, staying quiet. He pauses, his gaze flicking down to your lips before returning to your eyes. You give a soft nod and he moves, kissing you first. You kiss him back, melting into him. It might take days, or weeks, or months, but you know Marcus will make it up to you. And you look forward to letting him.

******

I’ll be 100% honest and say: I did not expect this story to get as much traction as it has been. However, I am very glad for it because it proves Marcus P is a highly underrated Pedro character who deserves so much more hype. I know I racked on him here but hey, c’mon, he kinda deserved it. I left the bedroom makeup stuff up to interpretation, which I don’t usually do, but I liked the ambiguity of it. It gives you folks a chance to decide what you think might have happened. Anyway, thanks a million for reading, hope you enjoyed, and see you in the next one!

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[karouvas]

adam from trc? (for the characters ask game!)

Why I like them: Difficult to sum up since he’s one of my favorite characters of all time, I mentioned he’s probably my second favorite specifically male character in media and I stand by that <3. He has a lot of traits that appeal to me between the control issues and emotional repression and being curious and wanting to know what is up at all times and being a resourceful smart bb who can probably (the traits that most make me vibe with male chars tbh), his ambition and drive and desire for autonomy is really admirable to me but I enjoy that his arc in original trc is about learning he’s worthy of loving and being loved and about the value of that, that vulnerability isn’t automatically going to lead to being ruined in a sense. And his whole journey/arc in original trc is really beautifully done, one of my favorite character arcs ever to this day. On the flip side he’s a freak and a menace and I adore that as well, his internal monologue and pov is truly unhinged in the most fascinating and fun way. I definitely wouldn’t be nearly as attached to him without that. And I love stories about identity and masking and characters who feel alien and other having malleable relationships to identity to conform… so that might have started a bit with my love for Adam I’m realizing.

Why I don’t: I’m satisfied enough with how the arc played out in canon to not hold this against him when it comes to my feelings about his char especially since the breakdown of Blue and Adam’s relationship is pretty compelling to me in general, but anytime I see fandom takes that act like he Never treated Blue badly during their relationship at all and blame her for everything … Bombastic side eye doesn’t begin to cover it. But that’s only related to fandom bs, in terms of moments I actually dislike him which are not reckoned with by the narrative at all obviously it’s the racism re: Henry in TRK, ugh.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): tbh so much of my favorite Adam content comes in his internal monologues and PoV rather than what he’s Doing in a scene… but DC Party scene is incredible <33. If you made me pick another scene would go with him blackmailing Greenmantle nefarious king <3. Oh but also being unbothered by Kavinsky’s death iconic… wait I actually changed my mind pretend I never said those things it’s definitely the sacrifice scene in TRB yes that is my final answer.

Favorite season/movie: I love his entire arc and journey in trc so much so it really could be any book each for different reasons but I’ll say TDT, I love a Downward Spiral that’s interesting and messy <33. But also his BLLB arc rules… but it is the more obvious answer since it’s more positive/uplifting so yeah will stick to TDT answer and unpopular opinion but he’s the best part of that book for me.

Favorite line: lonesome internal monologue is iconic for a reason it’s incredible… also his whole internal monologue about being jealous of all combinations of his (hot) friend hanging out without him is soo real and iconic. Oh also ik I slander TRK but his monologue about loving magic and not knowing he was capable of love before and then Cabeswater showing him the images of his friends in moments linked to heightened emotions surrounding them… went off. If we’re going with just dialogue World’s Ending Folks! tirade is iconic + the internal monologues surrounding it… so much fun to dissect together.

Favorite outfit: the white shirt and cargo pants from BLLB ig my man has no drip… actually changed my mind it’s the secondhand tweed suit Gansey’s dad gave him he wears at Harvard for symbolism reasons.

OTP: Adam/Gansey. I love him with Ronan too and find stuff to be compelled by re: him and Blue but Adansey just hits on a different level emotionally and narratively they are everything…

Brotp: Persephone I love their psychic mentorship in BLLB.

Head Canon: would not have said this was my take before this reread but I do actually think of Adam as having some more internalized homophobia than most of the fandom, not as intense and exacerbated by religious shame as Ronan’s but there in a subtler way. I think Adam at the beginning of the series has some level of awareness about his attraction to men without fully registering it/accepting it, when he thinks about a model for success in TRB&TDT it’s this very heterosexual WASP ideal him watching Declan and Ashley as a model is very this to me for instance and I reblogged some older meta posts about this I agree with (stopping myself here because I kind of want to make a separate post about my thoughts here at some point).

Unpopular opinion: He’s quite an emotional mess for most of the series so fanon portrayals of him as totally cool and collected and put together rub me the wrong way especially after rereading where it Really stood out to me how much fanon and canon tend to diverge... He’s a logical, pragmatic person and a brilliant problem solver but that boy is emotional as fuck (Not soft at all which is totally different from emotional imo) and his efforts to deal with that logically make it worse (I can relate but that’s beside the point), he’s also really not smooth it’s just that Ronan and Gansey’s disasternous is more telegraphed and it makes Adam’s easier to downplay, also a trademark of Adam narration is that He prefers to see himself as a totally logical in control of emotions person and will downplay his emotional investment/emotions as a factor even when his feelings come out in other thoughts and especially especially when you look at his actions….

A wish: makes me deeply sad that even though he clearly values knowledge, loves when other people love knowledge for it’s own sake and get’s a taste of that passion himself when it comes to how much he loves being a powerful psychic/doing magic, he never gets to have that in his academic pursuits because they’re all tailored to get him out of Henrietta / help him win at the capitalist American dream… I so want for him to find a major he’s actually passionate about.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: well from the Greywaren spoilers I heard (I read CDTH and MI when they came out and now that I’m done rereading the original series am rereading them and will then read Greywaren so will.. try to reserve judgement but what I’ve heard to me is 😬) but aside from that I did always hate the idea of him losing his psychic powers and I’m glad that specifically didn’t happen.

5 words to best describe them: ambitious, observant, obsessive, practical, neurotic

My nickname for them: don’t have one, but I did call him a Freak (affectionate) a lot while rereading so I guess you could count that

thank you so much! (send me a character for ask game)

[thesedamncannibals]

tag game!

tagged by @shithitsmynipples

Do you make your bed? Never! Idc. Also I take naps so I don't see the point.

What's your favorite number? 108. . .cuz its tim rogers @ on twitter. IDK.

What is your job? I don't have one :( I wanted to work when I was a teenager but my parents don't want me to and I can't drive and theres 1 car, etc.

If you could go back to school, would you? I'm going to school soon and I'm not that excited. But in the future if I want a career change I could go back, sure.

Can you parallel park? (ㆆ_ㆆ)

A job you had that would surprise people? None, omg this is for people with independence

Do you think aliens are real? I mean yeah, but they don't look like grey humans or whatever.

Can you drive a manual car? I don't think I even want to drive. But most countries barely have any public transport so idk.

What's your guilty pleasure? I have no guilt about my pleasures tbh. Probably because none of them make me feel EXTREMELY good y'know?

Tattoos? No but I want one. Maybe a back tattoo. A back tattoo of a double headed snake. My skin scars easily though it might not work out. I have so many keloids lol

Favorite color? Red.

Favorite type of music? I don't listen to a whole lot. I guess I like heavier stuff? Chat pile is my favorite band.

Do you like puzzles? I like video games. I did play sudoku for a bit but I got bored.

Any phobias? Not any real ones. Spiders I guess. The fear of my life slipping away from me without me ever getting to be independent and alone. um, being stuck in bureaucracy hell ykwim.

Favorite childhood sport? In my childhood the boys played soccer and the girls didn't do shit. And I.. . did homework in class.

Do you talk to yourself? No, I don't even like the sound of my inner monologue.

What movies do you adore? This is hard! The Passenger, Peep Tv Show, Talk to Me, Any Alan Clarke film, Let the Right One In, Gonin, Scream, Dinner in America, Blindspotting, Swallowtail, Summer Vacation 1999, I saw the tv glow, Cure, etc. I watched hunger (2008) and all of us strangers recently. Those were great.

Coffee or tea? I like both, I drink more tea though. Warm water win.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? Psychologist. LMAO.

tagging @ereb1d , @wheelsup30, @mifhortunach, @constant-fagging and anyone who wants to :^)

no pressure.

[eurydicees]

Random ask, who are your top 5 (or top 3) fav characters from Haikyuu? And why do you love them? Also, what are your top 5 fav moments from the series? Thanks if you want to answer....

oh i would LOVE to answer !!! sorry it took so long to get to this!! this was sooooo hard to do. it's not in any particular order because i can't bring myself to do a favorites list like that, as i have so much love in my body to give to the world and also haikyuu specifically. under the cut because this got long!! there ARE manga spoilers in this post!!!

top 5 characters

oikawa

yeah we all say this one coming let's be honest with ourselves here. his growth as a person genuinely makes me crazy. he's so well developed and he's truly such a fascinating character. his arc is beautifully tied in with the MCs and beautifully ended. the way it all ties together and comes together with him at the end...chef's kiss. i have a whole theory about the way it all comes back to oikawa that i have ranted about on discord but i have not posted it...oops.

bokuto

my beloved............he means so much to me. he's so special in my heart. adhd representation fr. he's so much smarter and has so much more depth than people give him credit for--which drives me crazy and i hate it--and he genuinely has such an impact on the narrative that doesn't get appreciated enough. i love him so much.

atsumu

i really don't know how to put this into words but i'm so obsessed with him. he's so important to me. it's smth about the drive and hunger to get better at what you love, the absurd confidence in yourself that is earned rather than a facade, the way he never sees another option but putting all of your heart into what you love and want to do....he means everything to me.

akaashi

i don't know if this one will come as a surprise to people, but he's fr one of my favorite characters. he's so interesting. his mindset is really interesting and i absolutely loved seeing him in the fukurodani v mujinazaka game--it's about how he recovers, how he learns to keep trying as best he can no matter if he's worth it or not or strong enough or not, how deeply he loves his team and how deeply they love him, how he learns to love them rather than try to control them. it's just like. you and those you love being the most important people in the world, the protagonist of your own story and life, but also not being afraid of losing. not being afraid of trying, even if it means you may fail. give me your 120%. i know you can. man. i don't even know. he makes me crazy.

kenma

oh man. his journey and arc makes me...i don't even know. it means so much to me. the promise to make him say something was fun or frustrating--then nekoma's loss, and him saying it was fun anyways. oh my god. crying about it tbh. his development as a character: not particularly remarkable at first sight, but cunning and smart underneath what he looks like, learning to put every piece of himself into a game, learning to have fun while playing even if he loses. man. yeah. kenma.

top 5 moments

tanaka's mediocre me monologue (chp 263)

aaaaaaaa. this idea that you may be mediocre but that doesn't mean you can't risk it all and push yourself further and be the best. it's the whole POINT of haikyuu. don't limit yourself because of your insecurities or because someone tells you that you can't do something. you don't have time to waste by giving up or doubting yourself, because there's so much you can do. this is the moment that solidified tanaka's character for me; i hadn't super loved him before this moment and then i got to this and went. oh. yeah. ok. that's really good actually.

nekoma's loss to karasuno (chp 324)

oh my god. this makes me crazy. i don't even have words for it. don't make me think about it. i'mc rying.

kiryuu's monologue (chp 334)

it's just. the idea of this top 3 ace who doesn't have enough confidence to believe in himself learning to "channel your inner narcissist." AND ITS BOKUTO WHO INSPIRES IT. CRYING. and like just this idea that well, you may not have confidence in yourself, but other people believe in you and you believe in them, so don't let them down by talking down to yourself. and like..."it takes everything i have to keep up with this man, it takes everything i have to play volleyball" and playing anyways...i'm biting things .

oikawa's volleyball is fun moment (chp 373)

oh my god ok. this moment means everything to me. it's about the burn out it's about the passion it's about the rediscovery it's about the fun it's about the love it's actually the point of everything it's what matters it's one of the best chapters in the manga, one of the best pieces of development for oikawa, one of the best pieces of development for hinata, i'm going crazy i'm so insane about this moment . i actually cried reading this for the first time. tears streaming down my face. i have a more in depth post about this moment here!!! but like genuinely as someone who experiences artistic burnout so easily and so often, the reminder that what you love is fun is so important to me. easily one of my favorite moments in any piece of writing ever.

the ending (chp 402)

i'm not gonna include the whole monologue but it makes me fuckign wild. i just. yeah. yeah. yeah. haikyuu. it means so much to me.

honorable mentions for top moments:

"if i'm here, you're invincible" don't touch me i'm crying

NISHINOYA FOOT RECIEVE

yamaguchi's failed serve and the way karasuno recovers & yamaguchi's six points & tsukki and yamaguchi's serve and block panel with the shield and spear. going insane.

"when oikawa is backed into a corner, he'll set to iwaizumi" i'm actually crawling up the walls about this

the last point in the second aoba johsai game. enough said.

tsukki's Moment TM . you all know exactly which one i'm talking about.

kenma calling yamamoto tora

"volleyball is a sport where you're always looking up".......garbled screaming at this

HINATA PERFECT RECEIVE

tsukki's "if i could stuff this now i'm sure everyone would go crazy, but i can't, so...you better be there hinata" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the last inarizaki point. the reflection in kita's eyes. the flashes of we don't need the memories. this angle, this position, it's perfect. the parallels to the last aoba johsai point. speed isn't invincible...those two understood that a little better than everyone else. oh my god. shaking.

can you tell that my favorite game is the inarizaki one. because really i should just say my favorite moment is that entire game.

kenma's "it hurts. it's painful. i don't ever want this to end." & "don't give up on me now hinata"

the kenhina knife fight. oh my god. i feel deranged with the way i talk about this panel.

"someone even better will find you" oh my god kageyama my sweetheart

[themyscirah]

Jess? Or Hal? For the ask game (And if you've done both of them, just pick your favorite super)

I haven't done either yet! I'll do Hal in this post and maybe Jess in another after this

Tw for canonical past suicide for later in the post (skip the story idea section)

First impression:

My real first encounter with him was probably as a guest appearance within Green Lanterns, but the first book I read with him was GL/GA. I don't remember too much of what I thought of him there, it was probably more of a general "oh he seems cool I guess" kind of neutral/positive attitude. By the time I read a Hal comic I'd already met Simon, Jess, and Jo so he wasn't a contender for the spot of my favorite lantern. I never fully finished GL/GA though bc I had the book on loan

Impression now:

Mixed. There are some Hal moments I genuinely do love and like, but tbh he can get on my nerves very easily. Of the Earth lanterns he's either my least or next to least favorite (which doesn't mean I don't like him!) but he's also like the "main character" of GL so I get annoyed when I feel like other GLs are being ignored in favor of Hal.

Favorite moment:

With that said there are sooooooo many Hal moments I just love. He's very much a character made by specific moments for me (rather than a general appreciation of who he is overall). Some Swishy fave contenders include his "Avenge me" internal monologue when he fights Mongul in GL (1990) #46, and OFC the Emerald Twilight arc a few issues later. Also in the very first issue of that book, where he jumps off a cliff in front of some campers (waiting until the last moment before using his ring) was an important moment for me in reading Hal, because it was the first time I went "oh! This guy is crazy!"

Idea for a story:

An exploration of the fact that Hal literally killed himself on panel in GL (2011) #19. Because like what the hell, why did this happen and then NO ONE EVER TALKED ABOUT IT. (This is insane to me). I think I'd probably revisit it in a dream sequence, maaaybe doing a rewrite/reimagining of his Knight Terrors issue (which I have NOT read lol) to kind of address that and talk about his mental state and things that had an impact on that, stuff like his parents, the Guardians, PARALLAX. Basically it'd be Hal and the ghost of Tomar-Re just talking about how he is not okay. A pretty heavy response to a pretty heavy topic.

Unpopular opinion:

I'm going to be so real here like 95% of my Hal opinions are unpopular bc its just me talking about how I think he's overrated. Like we're bros ig but still. Overrated.

Like I LIKE him but I'm annoyed at him like 80% of the time bc DC is always putting out a mid story focusing on him while ignoring my faves WHO ARE SO COOL AND DESERVE STORIES 😤💔😭

I guess one beyond that is I'm not a fan of his friendship with Barry. Maybe this is just because I haven't read anything where they're like... interesting? But I just don't get the hype. ESPECIALLY compared to his relationship with Oliver which is absolutely insane in comparison. Like why are we talking abt Barry rn when OLLIE LITERALLY SHOT HAL AND HAL RESSURECTED OLLIE. like guys. Guys. Are you seeing this shit.

Favorite relationship:

Like ship wise? I'm not a huge Halcarol fan personally but I do think they're kind of the epitome of "you're perfect for each other. Never involve anyone else in what you have going on," kind of messy drama-filled relationship with a lot of history.

I also really like halollie and their relationship but not in like a "they should date" way or anything like that. Like they're bros to me who emotionally have a whole complicated little thing going on like idk

Within the lanterns I think the frenemy whatever thing Guy and Hal do is SO funny. I love especially the beginning of GL (1990) where Guy just in his free time shows up to ruin Hal's life while Hal is just so sick and done and mad about it. Peak comedy, Guy never change

Fave headcanon:

Do I have any headcanons about Hal? Not really. I try to think about him as little as possible (kidding). No um I'd say I don't really have any, and if I did they'd probably be really basic or smth like that he cries watching both Top Gun movies.

[ssmtskw]

20 Questions Game for Fic Writers!

Tagged by @blairwaldcrf (I haven't done this yet to tag you so I'll take it as you tagging me.)

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

It's only 14 right now but including the 4 I've orphaned so far, 18!

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

It says 60,364! (not including the orphaned works)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Haikyuu, BNHA, RWRB, and Shameless!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

some part of me came alive | rwrb | 10,979 words

Smoke Slow | rwrb | 2,026 words

On the Off Chance | shameless | 5,780 words

Terrible Things | rwrb | 4,038 words

dreamy little you | rwrb | 1,666 words

5. Do you respond to comments?

I dooo I always dooo.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The one I repurposed for FP because that plot went down the worst way.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

To date it's probably some part of me came alive or Love Songs in the Key of Liam. (I'm realizing yet again that most of the shit I write have no comfort.)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No one's directly spoken about it to me yet so no.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I don't know what kind I write LMFAO. Mostly fade to black beginnings of a hook up but full on smut I've not exactly tried yet.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Haven't yet but I've been wanting to!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes but it's a very old oneshot someone requested me to translate in Tagalog.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Yes.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I had an elaborate outline and draft for a Matsuhana college AU once but... creative juices no worky.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Inner monologue probably.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue ALWAYS.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

This depends. Is the entire fic in a other language? Yes, bet. Is it not? Still interesting I would eat it up. (forever just happy to be here)

19. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Please don't perceive me.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Bloom. I'm plugging it because it's the first Matsuhana retrospective no comfort piece I wrote (that comforted me as I wrote it tbh), it's basically my firstborn on ao3 as well. I feel about it deeply simply because I also wrote this at a very memorable time in my life. I channeled a lot of shit into that thing, hence my unlimited overprotectiveness and fondness for it.

Tagging you guys if you haven't done it yet! @littlemisskittentoes @kiwiana-writes @later-2-dae @read-and-write- @happiness-of-the-pursuit @inexplicablymine @movetoheavens @rockyroadkylers @user-anakin @affectionatelyrs @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @heartitinthesilence @14carrotghoul @44whispers @arand0mdutchgirl

[yourlocaltoad]

⭕, 🌊 and ☔

⭕ What skylander do you want the most?

good one shit little complicated cuz I do have NFC cards so I have access to everyone one, but I still buy figures that are cheap would love to have thrillipede, he's my fav supercharger and I adore his figure ooo i would love more of the trap team cores like fling kong and bat spin! i love them but they are so expensive

🌊Favorite water skylander

This is a tie between tidepool and lob star tbh adore both their move sets especially all the fucking hops and combos tide pool does, but I am a sucker for the lobster he is peak autism

☔ Which game was your least favorite?

Ok I would usually say SSA cuz it was a bitch to emulate and has to repeat levels thus I hated it, but that would be giving the game a fair chance. But the game I have played fully with no problems and despise is Imagintors. I ADORE the senseis (sensei brain rot is so real for me right now) love they have their shrines and their little monologues expressing themselves like extracting their voice lines for the first time was a blast. And that's about as far as my compliments for imagintors goes. A lot of the issues I have with the game can be contributed to the mess that production was (poor employees, tbh). After the first 3 levels, I think the whole game falls apart like it was such a drag for me to get through. I just finished superchargers and was so ready to finish the franchise, but the game ended like a fish flopping out of the water, slowly suffocating. I still play the game with my irl besties, so they can play the senseis and just mindlessly play a skylander game. Sorry I'm so mean to imagintors, but i hold a lot of hate for it.

Ty for the ask! :DD

[bloody-wonder]

top 5 villains in fiction? Or alternatively, top 5 antagonists, totally up to you.

thank youuuuu :)

lol so i'm very obnoxious about what kind of character does or does not constitute a villain/an antagonist so these are like top 5 that passed that rigorous selection process

graham reid malett aka gabriel (the lymond chronicles). so my problem with villanous characters is that i'm a contrary bitch and when authors want me to really hate someone i usually end up either not caring either way or actively rooting for them lmao. but with gabriel dunnett managed to create someone truly terrifying and compelling at the same time. he's sort of a variation on lymond himself in the sense that he's what other characters think lymond should be - he's a version of lymond that conforms. or seems to conform, to put it more accurately, but that's the horror of it all - being a good man vs. seeming like one, and who's to say what's more important in the grand scheme of things? so the depiction of how any reasonably talented sociopath can charm his way to power and none will be the wiser is very realistic and scary but also - his villain monologues? outstanding. his gaslighting game? virtuoso. the homoerotic tension with the hero? off the charts. yet to be dethroned as my favorite villain of all time.

azula (avatar: the last airbender). i just like how cool and competent and dramatic she is and tbh the gaang were able to beat her only bc she conveniently got a bad case of mommy issues at the end. the last agni kai lives in my mind rent free - truly one of the greatest moments of cinema history.

milady de winter (the three musketeers, especially the 1978 adaptation). i knoooow she's the problematic femme fatale trope or whatever but i don't care. she's the blueprint. she has that sad backstory of being used and abused by men but i don't even particularly care about that either. she's an evil spy ladyboss i connected with on a neurological level when i was 11 and i have loved seeing her winning battles and losing wars again and again ever since.

lord voldemort (harry potter). tbh just a classic nostalgic "i want dominion over everything" kind of villain who at the same time represents evil and insidious real world ideologies that we like to think we defeated once and for all until they rise again - and in a very ironic fashion too, given by whomst this particular villain has been authored. i like voldemort's iconography and origin story but i also like how at the end of the day he remains a "flat" sort of villain with none of that boohoo nonsense. like, seriously, sometimes one needs less snivelling and more "there is no good and evil, there is only power and those too weak to seek it". i like the trope of having to collect a number of macguffins and do things in a very specific way in order to defeat him - and it does feel satisfying to see the characters finally accomplish it.

shen jiu (the scum villain's self-saving system). lol unlike in the case of milady i do care about shen jiu's backstory insofar as it means he has done nothing wrong ever in his life but he's on this list bc he's the titular scum villain and the book itself is about interrogating the roles people play in each other's lives and how those can be reframed if we change the perspective of the narrative. shen jiu is the villain bc luo binghe is the protag - the book tells us so on the meta level. but then as shen yuan learns more about shen jiu - and especially when we read the extra stories from shen jiu's pov - "villain" does not apply anymore as per my very specific criteria lol. in this regard shen jiu is also notable for asking one of the realest questions: while trying to get him to reconcile with liu qingge yue qingyuan says something like "do him a kindness and he'll return it tenfold" - to which shen jiu replies "ah but that's the thing - why should i be the one to be kind first?". bc if you think about it "why should i be the one to break the cycle of violence?" is one of the fundamental villain questions.

[apocalypticdemon]

got this a few days ago but was in academic paper hell, so i'm sorry for the delay! thanks for the tag, @clandestinegardenias and @sunlaire!

do you make your bed? i definitely should, and i absolutely do not lol

what's your favorite number? i've had a personal fondness for 13 ever since i was a kid, but i also really enjoy the number 117. for nerd reasons

what is my job? that's. a moving target tbh. during the school year, i worked as a TA at my university, while working weekends at a coffee shop as a baker. now that it's summer, i'm going to have to get a second job, but the jury's still out on what that's going to be.

if you could go back to school would you? i am currently in school, and i'm hoping to get a PhD, so i don't think i'll be going back to school right now, lol. but in a hypothetical future, just to do whatever? absolutely. i would get another bachelors in neuroscience or some other field of biology, probably for medical research.

can you parallel park? absolutely. but i fuckin hate it, lol, and being on the road makes me nervous, so i avoid it at all costs. but i can do it

a job you had that would surprise people? dunno if i have anything in my history that has been surprising. i guess the lab technician one is kind of the outlier.

do you think aliens are real? yeah, but it's probably microbial life of some sort.

can you drive a manual car? i learned the basics, but all i can really do is drive in circles in a parking lot in second gear. my mom tried to get me to drive it on the road and i got scared, lol, so i never fully learned how to do it.

what's your guilty pleasure? honestly it's TV from the 70s. begrudgingly i have to admit i like CHiPs. Emergency! is a non-guilty pleasure, though. love that one with my whole heart. but a lot of older stuff has some... pretty not great politics involved, but i still really enjoy them. also have to admit that i really like those terrible Dan Brown movie adaptations, lol

tattoos? i want at least 3 and have plans, but i haven't found an artist yet to get them. but i don't have any as of yet.

favorite color? tbh it depends on my mood. the goth in me says that it's a deep burgundy or a velvety black, but really deep greens or very vivid sky blue is also very good. saturated jewel tones as a color class are my jam, i guess.

favorite type of music? this is a cruel question to ask me. i have so many. i've been on a real rammstein/alt metal/nu-metal kick lately, but i also really go for folk, hard rock, prog rock, and 1980s new wave music. but i'll listen to just about anything. if i'm going for orchestral music, i have to say minimalism all the way. i adore the work of philip glass and arvo part

do you like puzzles? absolutely, in any form. jigsaw puzzles are really soothing and engaging, but i also adore puzzle games. i've revisited the Portal franchise lately, and i have a game series called The Room (not the movie...) that's only a series of puzzles. they can be frustrating, but i adore them

any phobias? i am a deeply anxious person, but i am petrified of fire. it's kind of unreasonable. bugs and germs also make me lock up really hard, too, even though i can rationalize my way through them. but all of them freak me out really badly.

favorite childhood sport? oh it was definitely competitive swimming. soccer was really really fun, but i miss being on the swim team. though i did like 5 sports growing up and truly would just love to have joints that would let me do any of them again

do you talk to yourself? oh yeah. internal and external monologue, baby. my college friends got to be on a call yesterday and listen to me talk my way through editing papers, lol. i talk to myself while doing laundry, cleaning, just walking through the house or from my car to my place. truly, i never shut up

what movie(s) do you adore? there are a lot, honestly. Castle in the Sky, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, Crimson Peak, Pacific Rim, The Nice Guys, and For A Few Dollars More are probably the movies i've watched the most. also literally any Dan Bluth film. the animation is always so gorgeous

coffee or tea? definitely tea. i love herbal teas, but i can't do caffeine, so like. there are only so many things i can drink now, lol

first thing you wanted to be growing up? paleontologist. hands down. i wanted to be a paleontologist from age like 6 until 15 or 16. then i had to do a research project on what jobs are growing and found out there aren't many job openings. so i pivoted to music. and then music academia. lol. lmao (i say it cynically, but i genuinely love what i'm doing, it's just funny to me)

this was lengthy, but if you want to participate, consider yourself tagged!

[hikarry]

You used to be an actor? Why did you give up? Do you have a favorite part you've played?

Yeah! I was an actor for 5 years

I was forced to stop because of college. With classes I just wouldn't have time for rehearsals so I had to let it go. But I really want to go back when I'm finished with my studies. You have no fucking idea how much I miss the stage and performing

My favorite role?

That's hard to choose

In most plays I participated I was casted as the lead so that was always exciting

But if I had to choose one, I would choose my first play

At first I was casted as the male lead (we didn't have enough guys on cast and, well, I wanted that role tbh), but then some guys joined the company and they gave the male lead to another guy and they pushed me to be the female lead

I was playing a teenage girl that was in love with the male lead and was discovering her own sexuality and herself in general. Long story short, she gets rapped in a barn by the male lead (yes, I had to lay on the floor with my legs open while a man was on top of me, grinding on me while he was moaning and I was screaming of supposed pain and for help). After that scene I think I had the longest monologue of my career. It was a page and a half of the script and I had to say it while crying

Bla bla bla my character ended up getting pregnant and her mother (who's actress would become my first girlfriend an year later) forced her to have a home birth. My character dies giving birth and I spent the rest of the play on the floor without moving a muscle (around 15 minutes). Being still for that long is very difficult, let me tell you

But, boy, do I have very found memories of the rehearsals and the cast of that play in general. If I could go back in time, I would go back there just to live it all again. I am so so happy on stage

After that I participated in 6 more plays. 5 of them I was the lead. 3 of them I played a guy (a teacher, a refugee and Romeo), the other two I played a woman (a matches seller and a detective). I had lots of fun with all of those (especially the male ones. Trying to conceal my chest and my long hair was an absolute nightmare every single time), but my first play really marked me

Fun fact, I had a massive crush on the guy that played my romantic interest at the time (ironically enough he came out as gay 2 years after I did), but the girl that played my mother was always trying to keep us apart. Eventually I started falling for her and, my man, you can't imagine the religious crisis I went through

I had been teached homosexuality was a sin and disgusting ever since I was like 6 and now I was tits over in love with one of the female cast members?

It was fun while it lasted. We would sneak into the dressing room to make out constantly or if we arrived before anyone else we would just straight up fuck there. She was so jealous of the main lead, it was actually cute

Too bad that bitch cheated on me and gave me numerous traumas but, looking back, her dick game was strong. That does not forgive all the shit she did to me but eh. It's an upside, is it not?

I went to my Instagram to look for some pics of the performances or the backstage, but apparently my mother was the one with all the performances pics and all my backstage pics have my friends faces and I don't really want to put them on here without consent, ya know. Best I can do is this picture of a rehearsal back in 2018 with their faces censured by my bitmoji 👏🏻

I am also there, but which one am I? Who knows.

In my last play I ended up playing 4 characters because we were short staffed and apparently I was the one that could switch roles faster. Changing costumes in that play was a nightmare. Sometimes I only had a scene's worth of time to change from full on military outfit to a dress. I had to learn a lot of tricks to make all that work. I literally spent most of the play with a dress under a set of leggings and another set of jeans, a black t-shirt, a white button up shirt and a jeans jacket. Coming up with a strategy to switch clothes fast was...honestly? Extremely fun. Stressful as fuck, but fun nonetheless

Also, this was our mascot. She was the baby I had in my first play and she kinda just stuck around through the rest of the years. Pretty sure they still have her

Anyway, I'm sorry for the rant. I spoke more than you requested but I get excited when people ask about my acting career and...well, I got carried away. Sorry about that

Here, have a David