#one major highlight of my boredom i suppose

[disengaged]

oh also i finished reading Kafka on the Shore and The Master and Margarita, highly recommend both

[curestardust]

Dust Watched: 86

Genres: Action, Military, Drama, Mecha // 11 episodes

Up, Down, Up, Down, Down, down, down....

✧  story  ✧

I haven’t enjoyed anything I’ve watched lately and honestly my expectations were as low as they could be for “86″ as it’s a light novel adaptation and was one of the most popular anime of its season, which I’ve learnt is ususally a bad sign because weebs apparently have no taste.

But “86″ starts off with a bombastic episode that (unfortunately) shot my expectations through the roof. In a beautiful mix of visual and contextual storytelling we’re basically introduced to the whole world’s setting in the first 10 minutes with barely any dialogue. We’re first shown the pristine and marble paved city which is populated by people who all share the same feature: white hair and eyes. This is where we meet our MC: Major Milizé or Lena. She works as a ‘Handler” for the army which means she uses a device called ParaRAID to communicate with the people on the frontlines and give them instructions on enemy positions and what movements to make. There are a lot of suspicious things going on already: there being 85 districts in the empire but the army constantly mentioning “the 86″, the public being told that the Processors are automated robots but the Handlers jobs being to help the *people* sitting inside and driving these robots. After Major Milizé is made to become the Handler of the infamous Spearhead splatoon, we finally see the second half of the story: a small barrack on the frontlines, full of very not white haired kids, who are known as the 86 and are the ones fighting in the war.

Before I go any further, let me just describe my main issue with this anime which is the pacing. After a frankly fantastic first few episodes, the anime settles into a very repetitive structure. Start the episode with one side experiencing an event, then show what the other side was doing and how they reacted to the event and then wrap the episode up with a new plot twist. This becomes quite boring, real fast, especially as the “twists” start to become extremely easy to predict so Major Milizé’s exaggerated reaction to them becomes comical even if the subject matter is supposed to be extremely serious.

But oh, it’s not over. After making me experience boredom so strong that I literally had to force myself to continue the anime, things finally come to a head with a “big” final battle. While this episode definitely brought tension and at certain developments I could almost scream “Finally!!” some of it went in such a cheesy direction I yet again couldn’t help but laugh. A robot with no explanation spouting luqidy iron arms and hands and a painfully slow flashback of a character saying another’s name over and over again were definitely highlights. Oh but, then there’s another problem. This is episode 9. There are still 2 episodes left. And those are completely useless. I would even say, they lessen the impact of the finale of the season. The thing we had to know for the next season really could’ve been shown in a 3 minute clip, everything else was meaningless in the big picture.

And closing off this section is what I left for last: this anime almost feels like a Nazi’s daydream. The white haired people are called “Alba” and anyone who isn’t an Alba gets thrown out into the battlefield and becomes an 86. To pull this off, rhetoric was spread about how the 86 were not “human”. They were animals, pigs, their lives and deaths meaningless. Rings a bell? Yes, the ideal society, the perfect Aria race living in comfort inside a city while the “lessers” are made to fight their battle for them. 

The only problem here is the writer’s apparent misunderstanding of this Nazi ideal. You think the Nazis would’ve been glad, hell, happy about being protected by people whom they didn’t even think of as people? The strong, proud Nazis being protected by “them”? Not to mention the anime’s absolutely pitiful attempt at handwaving away the question of why the fuck the 86 still fight when they know it’s futile and the people they’re protecting don’t even think of them as human. You know what excuse the writer came up with? “We’ve met some good Alba so not all of you are bad”. YO R U SERIOUS. Their second reason of “There are innocents too inside the city” is more acceptable, I mean the non-army people apparently don’t even know there’re people fighting outside the walls but????? Listen here, these characters don’t need grand excuses to paint them as saints. They fight for one reason only: because whether they do or not, they will be killed. The 86 don’t have a *choice*. There was absolutely no need for this almost nauseating scene of them being painted as patron saints for defending the Alba despite the fact that the Alba put them there in the first place. It almost felt like not even the writer themselves knew why they were fighting and tried to make up any excuse they could think of. Stupid. Also, I hope I don’t need to explain why this whole setting just makes me uncomfortable (especially as a European).

✧  characters  ✧

I really went off in the story section so I’ll try to keep it short from here.

Major Milizé is a pussy for the first 8 episodes. There, I said it. At first, I accepted it - she was our mirror into the story, we got to know facts about the 86 at the same time as her. But as the story dragged on, she became more and more frustrating to watch. Empty promises with no way of keeping them, constantly mumbling and asking stupid questions. She finally does step up in Ep9 and I was cheering like hell... until she reverted back to her same usual mumbling self. And of course, she is the only “sane” person who actually thinks of the 86 as human while everyone else scoffs at her and shouts angry racist bullshit.

The 86 are supposed to be characters you very much feel for and yet they’ve the personal development of a block of cheese. The very first character death hurt. But then not only I, but seemingly the anime as well, started caring less and less, more important side-characters basically being killed off screen. It could be a literal representation of how the 86 get desensitised to death as it happens constantly but even for the remaining characters, I felt nothing. Shin’s main goal also comes out of kinda nowhere and then has a... honestly, a pretty underwhelming conclusion. 

✧  art  ✧

Huge props in this department, especially with the set design and composition. The art style and animation also stay very consistent throughout and the CGI robots blend seamlessly with the environment.

✧  sound ✧

Also great. Very nice OP and multiple EDs with a nice OST.

✧  overview ✧

Honestly, this was a rollercoaster but like... a really underwhelming one? I’m still foolishly holding out hope for Milizé to go absolutely buckwild in season 2 but.... sigh...

My Rating: 6/10

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Featherine Augustus Aurora

What is this guide?

<< Previous (Lambdadelta)

Reading List: Highlights

Umineko Episode 6/Dawn “??? Tea Party” [ Video / Text ]

Featherine requests her old miko return to her service once more. (Everything to know about Featherine’s personality in one scene)

Umineko Episode 6/Dawn “The Witch of Theatergoing” scene

Video [Scene starts roughly 6:20 and continues to the end of the video]

Text [Search on “Amakusa ran his finger down my cheek.” Scene continues to end of the page.]

[Spoilers - this references several major twists from the previous two Episodes, though not the truth of the mystery.] Featherine ropes another human into acting as her miko. (A demonstration of the way Featherine/Hachijou blends the mundane and the magical worlds.)

Umineko Episode 8/Twilight “Magical Battle” scene

Video [Scene starts roughly 38:40, stop before 53:35]

Text [Start at top of the page and stop at the screencap of the key.]

[Spoilers - this is one of the battles at the climax of Umineko! It doesn’t involve the core mystery, but it will spoil which characters ultimately side with the protagonists.] A scene for if you’re curious what happens when Featherine gets serious.

Reading List: I want it all

(These are all repeats from the list for Bernkastel.)

”Whose Tea Party?” [ Video / Text ]

Bern gets invited to a tea party. (A simple and silly scenario, but also a window into the differences in how Featherine and Lambda think of Bern.)

”Bernkastel’s Letter” [ Video / Text ]

Bernkastel writes a letter to (maybe) Featherine, explaining what she’s discovered about the rules to Beatrice’s game. (This is a bit of a strange one - to me it feels like some details of Bern’s relationships in this early work were retconned by the time of Umineko Episodes 6-8.)

Umineko Chiru (Episode 6/Dawn, Episode 7/Requiem, Episode 8/Twilight)

Umineko Saku’s Last Note of the Golden Witch involves Featherine somewhat. Blink and you’ll miss it, but she’s in 07th Theater too.

-...And that’s it! On the plus side, it’s easy to read all there is of Featherine, since there’s so little. Unfortunately, as you can see from the Highlights, what does exist is often neck deep in spoiler territory…

Wiki Links

https://07th-expansion.fandom.com/wiki/Featherine_Augustus_Aurora [Some spoilers, though only the same as in the Highlights links above.]

Quick Facts

-As Hanyuu is in Higurashi, Featherine is the closest being to a god in Umineko.  However, while gods in Higurashi are related to Shinto concepts (plus parasites and viruses and aliens), Umineko’s godhood is based on the idea of an author being god of their story, summoning universes out of the nothingness of a blank page.

-Featherine’s unusual name is probably a reference to Hanyuu. The kanji for Hanyuu (羽入) are “羽=feather” and “入=in”. And Augustus Aurora = Hanyuu’s “Au au” catchphrase. Hachijou (八城) can also be read “yashiro,” as in Oyashiro-sama.

-Physically, Featherine appears as an elegant adult woman whose exact age is hard to place. She does not have horns, but she does have that suspiciously horn-like memory device floating around her head.

According to that Umineko Episode 8 battle scene linked above, Featherine’s memory device once was damaged, leading to Featherine having a different personality and appearance for a time.

(As it so happens, Hanyuu has a chipped horn and a very different personality from Featherine, what an intriguing coincidence...)

-Long before the events of Umineko, Featherine ascended to the realm of the gods and returned. She also goes through a cycle of sleep/death and rebirth which can last centuries.  All aspects that call to mind that ascension Hanyuu mentions in Saikoroshi.

-Outside the Meta-World, Featherine’s double is a mysterious and reclusive author who goes by many names. (Hachijou Tohya is just one of them.)

-Remember how Ooishi and Akasaka write a book called “Higurashi no naku koro ni” in-universe? Umineko does something similar, but explores the idea even further. Hachijou is the supposed in-universe author of some of Umineko’s arcs, and as such, some fans consider Featherine/Hachijou as a stand-in for Ryukishi07 himself.

Personality

-Much as Bern’s personality is similar to “dark Rika” but kicked up to eleven, Featherine’s personality is similar to Hanyuu when Hanyuu acts as a god. She’s calm, serious, and refers to humans as “child of man.”

-Lacking Hanyuu’s shy and childish mannerisms, Featherine comes across as intimidating and rather condescending. Though she’s more polite and reasonable than the average witch. (Which honestly says more about other witches than her, really...)

-Bern and Lambda are very fey-like, tricking and tempting mortals into doing what they want. Featherine, in contrast, doesn’t use tricks or threaten violence because she doesn’t need to. Asking for consent from mortals is a gesture of respect from her - you don’t have the ability to refuse.

-In almost the inverse of Hanyuu, Featherine has no problems getting other characters to perceive her; indeed, she’s subtle but often quite forceful about dragging others into conversations inside her realm.

-Also unlike Hanyuu, Featherine has no particular love of sweets (that’s Lambda), and does seem to enjoy alcohol.

-Featherine, an ancient being, suffers from the “disease” of boredom. Entertaining herself with stories is the only medicine for this ailment, and the relief it provides is only temporary.

-As such, Featherine enjoys stories as deeply and thoroughly as possible.  Meaning, she doesn’t just appreciate mysteries and characters as they’re first presented - she also likes to “tear out the guts” to see what makes them tick.

...Not with her own hands of course!  That’s Bern’s job.

What, did you think you were done with the Watanagashi imagery when you finished Higurashi?

-At several points in Umineko, Featherine a gets called a monster. While this may be yet another callback to Higurashi, unlike Hanyuu who hates that label, Featherine takes it as a compliment.

-So… is Featherine evil? Many characters, and even Ryukishi07 himself in interviews, call her such. That being said, in Umineko, Featherine can be callous, but she doesn’t revel in sadism the way other witches do. Although, presumably she was much worse in the past...

Abilities

-Featherine is the “Witch of Theatergoing” - she is primarily a spectator to the events of Umineko, rather than a player on the stage. (Just like Hanyuu.)

-Bern’s “Theatergoing Authority” may derive from her. She also has the ability to instantly promote a character to the position of Game Master.

-Featherine is an author and therefore a “Creator,” surpassing the level of even powerful witches like Bern and Lambda. Her powers function as her breaking the fourth wall and literally writing the rest of the script on a page.

-Like Hanyuu, Featherine can stop time. Though unlike Hanyuu, Featherine can act in the frozen time, including that aforementioned reality writing.

-Featherine’s home is the *deep breath*  “Great Witch of Theatergoing, Drama, and Spectating's Noble City of Carefully Selected Books” - an impossibly large magical library filled with countless stories, each a universe of their own like a Fragment.  (Everyone just calls it the “City of Books.”)

-Featherine’s servants are the main characters of these stories, now in the form of black cats.

-Featherine’s relationships with her mikos are also through the lens of an author. Featherine’s mikos are also known as “Readers” - they narrate the events of a game board to Featherine. As an author is a god, a reader is also able to put their own interpretation on the story they tell.

Featherine and Bernkastel

-As Hanyuu is to Rika, so Featherine is to Bern... more or less. They’re still a god and her miko.

-Unlike Rika and Hanyuu, Bern and Featherine do not share their senses.

-Rika and Bern have both lived beyond a normal human’s lifespan, but they both still consider themselves young in comparison to Hanyuu/Featherine’s ancient existence.

-When Rika would bully Hanyuu, Hanyuu did little but cry and complain.  Bern still backtalks and is generally disrespectful of Featherine, but the result is different - Bern’s the one acting defensive and scared while Featherine is merely amused by it.

-Bern is also distrustful yet subservient toward Featherine in a way Rika never was to Hanyuu.

-However, when Bern is in danger, she will demand that Featherine help her, much as how Rika did the same to Hanyuu once in Matsuribayashi.

Featherine and Lambdadelta

-Featherine and Lambda appear to be on amicable, if not especially close terms.

-On Featherine’s side, she primarily seems to know Lambda as Bern’s friend and playmate.

-On Lambda’s side, she knows she’s completely outclassed by Featherine, and is very afraid of crossing her.

-Lambda does know quite a bit about Featherine - including that tidbit about Featherine’s personality change in the past.

Featherine in Higurashi Gou?

Is this Featherine? And what does that mean for the rest of Higurashi Gou? 

Well, after reading this guide, what do you think?

Regardless, this is as far as I can guide you with my knowledge of Umineko. If you wish to go further, you’ll have to forge that path yourself, through the ravenous wilderness of unconfirmed theories and dangerous speculation.

Good luck!

PS: If you’d like a rough map of some popular destinations, I also have an old Bingo Card of Umineko-Gou connection theories.

PPS to folks from Reddit: If you liked this guide, I also do episode analysis/theory posts too.

[fabulaee]

COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE

// A 🐺 fic based on my Stay journey’s aesthetics which was a coffee shop au bc they remind me of those times when I used to go to the café to draw and would see fellow regulars but unlike y/n and Chan, I never interact with them. We all just share a table 😂😂😂

*

*

*

Monday. Wednesday. Friday

That was the set schedule for your coffee run. MWF from 9 am to 10, then coming back with your study supplies from 1 to 4 in the afternoon. It was routine; the small college café a safe haven from the slight messy floor of your dorm and the formal vibe of the library. Here you were focused and at peace of mind. The aroma of the coffee beans and soft sounds of the coffeeshop’s playlist serving as background noise.

There wasn’t much students at this time of the day compared to the much later prime of the evenings. The café then filled with college youths grabbing a drink after a long day’s worth of lectures and test reminders or staying to cram a night’s worth of information. There was something about cafés that seemed inviting and less suffocating yet at the same time a place where you can find the nursing students with their big thick books opened with streaks of neon yellow running across them.

“Vanilla Bean Cold Brew for y/n!”

Standing up, you went to grab your drink leaving behind the pastel rainbow set of highlighters and gel pens on top of your notes. You quickly thanked the barista as he handed you a straw before plopping back down on your seat continuing where you last went off. Something about the history of impressionistic art. You sighed as you lifted your eyes across the room, it was currently 2:30 pm on a Wednesday afternoon. A good time to take a break before your mind starts to commit brain fart.

*

Chris Bang. Affectionally called Bang Chan by his friends. Music major with golden hands, a good candidate for the honor roll, member of the varsity swim team, and resident social butterfly. An all rounder any college is proud to have.

You heard about him once or twice from your common friend, Yang Hongseok. They met at the gym apparently and became quick friends through the Japanese exchange student, Adachi Yuto, and their shared love for fitness.

You see him sit at the same spot everyday since the middle of sophomore year. His laptop with the cute decal of Deadpool open and his AirPods snugly tucked in his ears. He's always has his blonde head bopping to a song he's playing on either his phone or his laptop. Always seemed so engrossed in this little world he made for himself across the room, ignorant to the bustling crowd of students that come and go.

He looks up catching you off guard. His lips curled slightly upwards, chuckling to himself as he watches your cheeks turn pink in embarrassment. Great, he must think I'm a weirdo!

With a quick exchange of nods you both went back to doing your own thing. Just a regular day at the coffee shop.

*

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

It's the Friday following Monday's slightly embarrassing incident. You looked up to find the same Chris Bang, laptop in hand, smiling at you like a friendly yet lost puppy. Warm brown orbs looking back at yours.

“My laptop's about to die and this is the only table with an outlet.” He explains himself, a tiny awkward giggle making up as the period.

“O-oh, of course!” You stuttered, hastily making room for him despite the large space as you swiped for the stray pastel highlighters and napkins closer. “No one's sitting here so go ahead.”

He whispered a small thanks before setting down his laptop to grab his bag from his usual spot while you went back to your notes. It was silent for awhile, only the sounds of pen against paper and the soft tick tack of the keys. At some point you hit a mind block, eyes glazing in boredom as you stared at the blank space of your notebook. You felt your table mate leave his stationary position too. he stretched in his seat before turning his attention to you.

Sensing his sudden gaze on you, you flashed him a small smile. You were never one to start a conversation, often keeping to yourself and minding your own business. A bit of a complete opposite towards the friendly Australian who somehow knows at least three students from each program.

He smiles back at you showing off his cute dimples and an outstretched hand. “Hey, I'm Chan. I never caught your name.”

Again with the cute giggle. It seems to be like a signature to him but it's cute still the same. You grasped his hand giving it a soft shake. “Y/n,” you answered curtly.

*

The following days you find yourself hanging around Chan more. Afternoon study sessions were no longer a date between you and the textbook or the small watercolor set you laid out on the table. Chan was there to fill the space making the long table that was a party of one to a party of two and maybe some on certain busy hours but mostly it was the both of you in your own tiny world.

You got to know him, his likes and dislikes. His major and passion for music, sometimes slipping in a few complaints about certain homework here and there; What else he likes to do. Apparently mr. Chris Bang was gifted in so many areas you often wondered what good he must've done in his previous life to be this gifted. Not only was he a jack of all trades, he's also the master of all.

You even had a small debate between Deadpool and Spider-Man. God, he's such a nerd it's adorable!

In return he knew these things about you. How you're taking up art as your major hoping to make it out as an illustrator one day—

“it would be so cool if you drew a variant cover for Deadpool!”

“Ha! We'll see about that, Chris Reynolds.”

He knows how you like to collect stickers and are quite passionate about making sure your notes are beautiful. He knows how you loved your drinks iced despite it being the middle of winter.

“Isn’t the weather too cold for that?” He’d ask with a quirk of his brow, amused brown eyes glancing at the iced hazelnut latte you have in your hands.

“Nope!” you replied, taking a sip as you did so. “It’s always the perfect weather for an iced coffee, Bang.”

He only chuckled at that.

*

It hit you like a freight train. You didn’t mean to fall for him. It wasn’t supposed to happen. You and Chan? No way, it was just supposed to be just friends. The kind where you hang out and have fun, no feelings attached. He was just supposed to be that regular from the café, right?

That was the plan, right?

But you can’t deny the small flutters from your heart much like those newly emerged butterflies. How you can feel that giddy feeling of excitement when you spot his mop of chocolate curly locks outside the café’s window. How you mirror his smile when you get together to talk about anything and everything under the sun. Bang Chan in all his cute dimpled glory, soft curls and hearty giggles was just too much to adore.

Yet it wasn’t that what pulled you in to the Music major. You felt love blossom when you both stayed up late, when the café was quiet after a busy day. The only people around being a couple medical students, some late night goers, and the employees. You felt the tiny flower buds start to bloom when he stayed with you then; keeping you company under the dimly warm fluorescent lights, laptop tucked away and a hand playing with yours.

You felt it bloom when you cuddled on the booth’s sofa one rainy November day. He scoots over next to you when he saw you shiver from the corner of his eyes. He’s naturally warm —you’d often tease him how he made the room hot. Why? well it’s because he’s from Australia! which earned the loud chorus of laughter from his friends and Chan’s ears turning into the color of the fire hydrant.

“Babygirl, you’re shivering.” He mutters as he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you gently towards him. You accepted the subtle invitation, sides sticking together as you both went through forgotten notes and half finished coffees.

You felt it when you caught yourself staring at him a little longer than intended. Eyes drifting from Jisung’s expressive face to glance at the older one. You watched him look at the former with such adoration in his eyes; how he looked like a proud dad. You watched him nod along and laugh to Jisung’s animated story about how he and Hyunjin would fight back in the day, a fact that still seemed to shock you seeing how they are the best of friends.

Your eyes would linger on him while he worked on his music; focused and determined, hiding the exhaustion and sleepless nights prominent on the dark circles under his eyes. He was handsome even if he looked like shit. Hell, he was handsome even when he sported the infamous broccoli colored hair. You’d find yourself in a trance, like it was a dream. The world didn’t matter as much anymore when it was only you and Chan in the small dimly table, surrounded by the aroma of coffee beans at the small quaint cafe at the corner of the street.

*

You loved him. You loved him in the most beautiful of ways; you loved him in the most perfect highs and in all those crevices full of flaws.

You loved him in those bright moments, when the lights were shining on him during a 3RACHA gig. How they made him more beautiful, how they made him stand out from the 2 younger members. You loved watching him do what he loves; how he immersed himself in a world that was different from yours. How his version of colors and dried paint were beats and melodies, rhythm and tempos.

You loved him in the lowest moments; when the tide was high enough to cover you. You loved how you fit perfectly in his arms, how he became a shoulder to lean on when you felt the world was against you and you to him. When he would open up to you about his worst fears and his grandiose ambitions; when he spilled his heart out at the underlaying insecurity that’s been biting him due to his perfectionist attitude. You became his confidante; the one he can trust his heart to.

You loved him in the times he was vulnerable. You loved him when he would bask in glory and shining lights. You loved him like those cheesy lines in love songs. You loved him like how the tides would look at the moon in awe and yearning; gravitating with every push and pull.

You loved him in ways words can never describe. How the seeds he planted in your heart bloomed to the most beautiful bouquet of flowers.

You love him simply because he’s Chan.

You promised yourself you’d be just friends. It was safer that way but then again, what is love when she’s not one without twists and turns?

What is love when she comes to you, sneaky and sly like a weed disguised as a flower, whispering into your ear that it’s him.

It’s him, it’s him, it’s him.

It was always him, it just took you some time to figure that out.

*

When you first met Chan, he was simply a friend of a friend. Someone you knew because your brothers are his friends. He was the guy you’d hear about in passing, the popular cool guy with a heart bigger than a massive sized teddy bear and a smile that could cure the most depressing of days. Someone who, in probability, would just be an acquaintance to you.

He was that guy you regularly saw at the coffee shop you visited every week. He was just some guy from the music department who would flash you a friendly smile because you were a familiar face.

Funny how fate made him more than what you originally expected him to be.

[bighengreads]

Discovering fantasy, in adulthood

For my 25th birthday, a friend bought me a book. We’d spent a lot of times recommending books to one another, but those recommendations never got followed through for one major reason - he basically only read fantasy novels, and I hadn’t touched one since I was 13.

Fantasy novels were something that only existed in my childhood, in the form of Diana Wynne Jones escapades and sprawling series like Harry Potter, Pendragon, and Eragon series. Becoming a very emotional teenager meant that I stopped looking for adventure in fantastical worlds, and looked for books that could relate and expand on the vast swirling cesspit of hormonal emotions I was experiencing. I took to stories solidly grounded in reality and characters with a rich, tumultuous inner world with bare and stark foregrounds (sometimes, the smallest semblance of plot). Books, where when someone asked me what it was about, I would struggle to explain it. 

To be honest, this fixation on emotional catharsis meant that my relationship with books became tiring. My early 20′s were years of picking up books that I could put down with little to no resistance. 

With this mindset, when I picked up the first book of Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy, The Final Empire, I expected an easy read that would not leave much of an impression. I ended up finishing the first volume in a week, and the entire trilogy in a month and a half, which was pretty astounding for someone who was averaging 6 books a year. 

It was immediately obvious what a behemoth of a task world-building in fantasy is. The author has the huge task of introducing not only plot and character, but the intrinsic laws of the universe that they occupy. 

It was an uncomfortable initially, where every new creature and environment felt reminiscent of a dungeons and dragon or lord of the rings scene (my only reference point for fantasy based storytelling). But when I let those pre-conceptions go, what I was left with was a growing attachment to these relatable characters (mystical powers or not), and a stronger and stronger immersion into these fantastical, and yet sociologically comprehensive societies. 

What struck me was how cinematic the experience was. Perhaps this is more an attribute to Sanderson’s dynamic writing, or more relating to action-heavy novels, but I could see every scene come to life in my mind. Fight scenes that extended to 15 pages played out like a high-budget film, with the added joy of a clever and exciting battle strategy dialogue playing along like the narrative of a director’s cut.

This experience opened my eyes to a whole new world. For one of the first times since I was a teenager, I had to keep turning the pages to find out what happened next. I was excited by what I was reading, and sometimes had to stop to catch my breath. 

With all the richness of this wonderful new world, there were some teething problems for me as well. The Mistborn world is jammed packed with themes, ranging from political strategy, to theological philosophy, to chemical alchemy, and the characters are the ones that carry these concepts to reality. But with some of the main characters, I found that their motivations and supposed relationships were more “told” than “seen”. 

(Spoilers ahead)

One example of this is the mechanisms used to remind us of the main protagonist, Vin’s traumatic past and her inability to let go of her survival instincts. It’s a rhetoric drilled into us at every major decision point, almost as though the author is saying “hey! Remember this plot point? It’s important for later so don’t forget!”. Vin’s character suffers from another standpoint, with her romantic relationship with Elend, which is a major driving force in the entire series, had the effectiveness a soggy slice of bread floating in a duck pond - every profession of love felt wholly unearned and painfully cringy. 

Another big issue I had was the pacing throughout the series. It was especially apparent in the last instalment, Hero of the Ages. Here we are at the convergence of all the plot and folklore the first two books spent beautifully crafting, and what did they decide to do with all the build up? They sent us on a wild goose chase (literally) of boredom, convoluted side-plots, and a building irritation at the fact that they were using up precious real estate that should have been used to answer all the questions that the series had us asking. 

The Mistborn series had the huge challenge of taking this sprawling world and delivering a satisfying ending. It did that, and it delivered it beautifully (even though I still don’t understand why they jammed all of it in the last quarter of the book instead of spreading it out). 

(Spoilers end)

After all that, I have to say that reading the Mistborn series was one of the literary highlights of my adult life. It allowed me to recapture the thrill of staying up to finish a book even when you have work/school the next day, and I was really blown away by the sheer love and craft that went into constructing this world. It also opened up my eyes to tasting more of what the world of fantasy has to offer., 

[moved-attre]

Here is my review of Cyberpunk 2077! It is a bullet point list of what I liked, and did not like about the game. I mean no offense in my writing, and am, of course, willing to be educated if I am wrong about anything! But please do not send me anonymous hate. I know many fans and haters of this game can be very, uh... So take it all with a grain of salt, and form your own opinions.

This is very long and likely boring so if you manage to make it to the end, I will be very impressed! Also, I may ramble or repeat myself, sorry. There’s more bad points than good, since the game is very glitchy and I couldn’t not mention the glitches I have experienced.

Obviously, this contains major spoilers! 👁👄👁

I’ll start off by saying, this is a game where you will likely not get what you expected. If you expected Cyberpunk 2077 to be a game filled with features that were never before seen, to revolutionise the gaming industry as we know it and become the most iconic video game ever made... You will not get that. If you expected it to be the worst, most irredeemable video game ever created that you’ll hate... You will not get that, either. If you expected a game that is a fairly standard RPG with some impressive graphics when played on a high spec PC, albeit with some bad glitches and a wonky story with lots of potential, then you’ve got it!

Pros:

The majority of the voice acting, such as in V, Johnny and Viktor, was very good and emotional. Viktor in particular made me tear up! And the way V manages to sound almost like Johnny with the subtle accent change was amazing!

The character’s such as Takemura, Jackie, the LIs, Johnny, Viktor, Misty (I could go on) and even many random NPCs were interesting! I wanted to know them and loved their relevant missions. The best ones were unromanceable, of course, but that’s what imagination is for.

THE ALDECALDOS! I love them! A found family, and I wish there was more to do with them other than Panam’s missions and a few side missions. I love found family, and I’m disappointed V couldn’t form their own, so I’ll take what I can get and love the Aldecaldos, even if V can’t join them until the very end. Panam had the best missions of all the LI’s, even if the last one felt very abrupt. (At least, on her friendship route.)

Night City felt alive. There was always plenty going on, it felt like a real city, and it could be beautiful.

Jackie and Corpo V’s friendship was lovely. I loved their “To this!” inside joke, and I loved how Jackie roasted V but would jump to their defence in a second. It didn’t feel forced at all.

There’s lots of environmental storytelling. The atmosphere of a city choking to death under it’s own pollution/corruption was very apparent in the areas not lived in by the rich. Lots of homeless characters, violence, drugs, absolute poverty, trash (The dump! I felt sick just looking at it, and I couldn’t even smell it! Poor V, though.) and general apathy from a lot of the residents really sold the concept.

Johnny and V’s dynamic was the best part of the story! I hated him at first, but slowly came to enjoy his commentary and advice. His interactions with V were very funny at times, and thoughtful at other times. He was an interesting perspective for the player to consider, while still being an asshole you could dislike for much of the story. He has some really emotional scenes and I played a V that viewed him as a friend, so it was really nice hearing him call V the closest person he’d ever had. They became so devoted to each other! CDPR did good with this element, but I can’t help wishing for more. The dynamic had so much more to give, and a romance/happy ending could have worked.

And to add on, the mission where Johnny takes over V’s body to go on a bender was great! I loved all the moments to play as Johnny in V’s body. All the symbolism between them was so good. Every mission matters, and you can replay to look closer at details! He also comments on other side missions with no personal relevance to him, which was neat.

All the enemies had unique names. A minor detail, but it made me feel some guilt over killing them. 🤣 I think all character’s had unique names, which is such a nice detail.

The soundtrack was incredible, I loved every original piece and radio song. I have several saved on Spotify, which is big praise coming from me! I very rarely listen to video game soundtracks.

V can adopt a cat! 🐈‍⬛ It was adorable, and Johnny’s interaction with it made me tear up!

The size of the map was good, not too big or too small. I got about 100 hours of play in by exploring, which is pretty good to me! I got lost a few times, but always found something interesting to do in the meanwhile. I loved the Badlands especially. 

Some of the side missions, particularly the more mysterious ones involving investigating deaths and the cyberpsychos, were very enjoyable! I’m a big slut for mystery, and there were some interesting cases to figure out. I wish we could’ve done missions like that with River, though, especially once he becomes a PI.

I was complaining about the lack of aliens in CP2077, but I suppose we did get a couple space themed missions which was pretty fun. I still want to go experience going into orbit, though. 👽 Or the moon!

Separating voice and body in the CC was a good idea, even if it was handled a little strangely. I’ll talk about this more in the ‘Cons’ section below!

Act 2 was my favorite part of the game, but it blended weirdly with Act 3 and that put me off. I am nostalgic for Act 1, but not eager to replay it because it felt so slow... I’m not sure on this point! I liked Act 2 because the story picked up and I was excited for more, but the more I got wasn’t as I expected. So, yes, Act 2 was good.

The scenery is very beautiful, and sometimes the outside lighting is absolutely perfect. The Arasaka parade mission was lovely to look at. I always stop the car and watch the sunrise/sunset, and I like going out to the Badlands to look at the stars!

An addition to that, is the lighting in some main quest missions. Very noir! It made for some beautiful screenshots. (Of which I sadly can’t share because my game doesn’t record well on medium settings. 😳)

The motorcycles are fun to drive! Mainly because I can zoom in between cars and Jackie’s motorcycle has a lot of sentimental value, as well as other vehicles like Johnny’s Porsche and Jake’s car. You can open the trunk to dump bodies in, which was a cool detail., and each one drives differently!

There could be amazing attention to detail, such as making Jackie look like his mother. I expected his mother to be a randomly generated NPC, but she was completely unique. It’s the minor things like that which stood out to me the most.

The scanner was a fun tool and very useful! I liked being able to find alternative ways to do a mission, it felt more realistic than the standard “massacre everybody, pick up an item and get out” fetch quests normally seen in RPGs. I could sneak in a tunnel or a side door! Perhaps irritating and unnecessary to some, but I liked it. I love utilising every possible option.

The interface color changes if you have Johnny controlling V’s body. Another small but good detail! The game is good with the minor details.

The sex scenes were not... awful. I expected much, much worse! I expected fully animated first person porn. Instead, I thought they were fairly realistic and intended to be romantic. Still very awkward, though, and unnecessary.

When they didn’t glitch, the animations were very good. Not as impressive as I hoped, probably because of glitches, but in line with other AAA games like Horizon Zero Dawn, I suppose? I noticed Judy’s animations in particular as being good, and Johnny had lots of unique ones too!

The clothing options are very fun, I like the holographic items and “Bitch” clothes, hehe. Also including Hijabs! 🧕 Great idea, and more games should do that.

The diversity of the NPCs was welcome. I enjoyed seeing Native American, Asian, Black and Latinx NPCs who weren’t there just to suffer! They would occupy important roles in the story, such as Fixers or friends/romance options for V, so they were pretty much unavoidable! It felt very natural, and they helped Night City feel more realistic.

Adding to that, the different cultures included were interesting too! I liked the Haitian characters in Pacifica.

The photo mode is pretty good. Not as good as I expected, the camera angle presets were useful but the filters weren’t very good. I liked that the photo mode could be used in cutscenes, though! It was standard, and I hope more bits will be added in for it.

A lot of the glitches are hilarious, but I recognise not all will share that opinion so I’m just adding this down here. The T-Posing NPCs are a highlight for me. Call that the Skyrim effect.

Cons:

No NB gender options/No pronoun options. Would they/them have been so difficult to implement?

No body or height sliders. There’s so many fat character’s in the game! Why can I not make my V fat? Or muscular?

Gender restrictive hairstyles and clothes. Come on, guys, it’s 2020/2077! Aren’t we beyond gender restrictive appearance options?

No tattoo parlours, no plastic surgeons and no hairstylists for V to change their appearance. I don’t understand why a CC was included at all, since we spent the majority of the game in first person. It reminded me of Far Cry.

The main story started off strong, albeit slow, picked up in Act 2, then felt very rushed in Act 3. The point of no return was very abrupt! 

The celebrity cameos felt very gimmicky. The one exception to this is Keanu Reeves, who did a very good job as Johnny. Genuinely brought tears to my eyes at times... but Grimes was just embarrassing! Why was she there! A talented VA could have done Lizzy Wizzy much better, giving her actual emotions instead of just monotone “boredom”.

I don’t know what the point of owning apartments is. You can only sleep in V’s bed, what is the point of looking in the mirror? V has no use for their terminal in their apartment, they never get any messages after the first time they meet Johnny. It was so unnecessary, especially when there’s several across the map. I can access the stash of weapons and clothes from my car! Why would I ever need to go home? Judy gives me her apartment and I’m like, girl, I’m never visiting unless you have a mission to give me.

Also, there are no penalties for not showering or sleeping. I wanted character’s to comment on that! Call me stinky or tell me I look exhausted!

V doing side missions makes no sense, and no explanation is given for why we can do them. Why would V, who is dying and has precious few days left to live, be driving for hours on end to deliver packages and shoot random criminals? When they could be figuring out how to survive the biochip! Who the hell would care about a some extra money or buying every available car for sale, when they’re dying of something that could be preventable?

Some side missions were either very poorly done or obviously majorly glitched, since it felt like they skipped important parts and I was often very confused at the end of them! For example, the Corpo V side mission was so short! I expected to be able to hunt down Abernathy and get revenge for V and Jenkins, but instead, I shoot some random assistant I don’t even remember? And that’s it? Done in 2 minutes! If that! What is the point of that? I didn’t even have fun! Also, what happened to Garry? I wanted to save him but V just never follows up on it.

And, I wish we got closure with T-Bug. The fact that V never bothers to find her body and give her a proper burial was just poor form. 

The endings were not... good. There are technically 6 different endings, all wrapped up into 3 parts. In my opinion, the best ending is the one where V kills themselves and has a very “Arthur Morgan watching his last sunset” vibe. It made me cry. Another good ending is having Johnny take over V’s body forever, as you can really see how much Johnny has changed as a person thanks to V’s influence. But they still felt very... eh and the story just never got that boost it needed, ending before it could take off. In the “best” ending, the Nomand ending with Panam, V ”survives” but has only another few months to live. So they die off screen. Satisfying? Uh, no. Not at all. There’s no possible ending where V has any hope of survival, but I much preferred being there with V until the very end. I disagree with the people calling Johnny’s ending the “bad” ending, because it really isn’t! I ignore all of this of course, and my V is living happily ever after.

I kind of hate that CP2077 has this illusion of options when some are clearly intended to be chosen more than others. Judy and Panam have the best endings in term of romance. Why bother with River and Kerry? Kerry is more of a fling than an actual romance, and is met very late in the game at a point where you can ignore him completely and just end the game, and River’s romance is so glitched that many people can’t even do it fully, and in every ending he dumps you, so it feels like none of it mattered to him despite him being the most “domestic” of the possible LI’s...

Takemura’s ending! He died in my playthrough, because the game didn’t tell me I could save him. That really annoyed me. Also, I recognise that V is in no place to lecture him, and there is some wisdom to his quote: “You speak against corporations yet offer no valid alternative.” But, Goro, bro... anything is better than fascist mega corporations keeping most of the city in absolute poverty, while waging devastating wars against other mega corporations? I wish we could have opened his eyes a little. There’s a good, even ground between Takemura believing Corps to be doing the best for humanity and Johnny being willing to kill 12k people for a revolution. This game went a little “capitalism is bad, but the alternative is worse!” at times, in my opinion. I wish more could have been done against the corporations, instead they just kind of... exist... in the background. And I know, “Realism! “ because we live with massive corporations like Amazon in our lives and can do fuck all about them but we’re not V. V is an absolute unit who survives death multiple times... I wish there had been two paths, like do Johnny’s path and work against the system or do Takemura’s path and work with the system? Sort of like The Witcher 2?

You know how in Saints Row, The Boss has homies they can call on for help? I wanted V to have homies to help them out in fights. It felt pointless building trust with the Fixers only to not have them help out at all with fights against the NCPD/Militech/Arasaka in their territories. 

The stealth mechanics are not good. They are funny! But not very good. Often, It’s better to just attack and save yourself the trouble of sneaking only to get caught by a guard who can see through the back of his head.

The fact that you cannot get arrested and have someone bust you out of jail. Maybe RDR2 set my expectations too high, but I thought this would have been included.

I’ve read about the cut content, and I’m really disappointed they weren’t included in the game. Wall running would have been amazing! And the police hiring mercs to hunt V down? I would have loved to see it! 😔

Driving cars is terrible. Just awful. Sometimes, you crash. Other times you’re flung up into the air and break through the sky into the void, spinning for all eternity.

River’s glitched romance deserves a special mention. The relationship just drops off suddenly and you cannot interact with him properly again. It does not affect the main story at all, so you wonder, what was the point? The text messages also glitch and V will sent messages that you can’t control, leading to disappointing dialogue, like with Joss.

The romances in general were just not all that impressive. I was expecting something great, considering there was only 4 and thought they’d really affect the main story, but I’d only recommend Panam and Judy. I would have played the game just as well without romances, and they felt very unnecessary but I wanted to do one to get the most possible story content. I think we should all leave romances in RPG’s as the exception, not the norm. Some studio’s can do them well, other’s cannot. CDPR cannot, in my opinion...

Obviously the many glitches and bugs, several of which are game breaking. I usually have to reload a save at least once an hour, because an NPC won’t talk to me or I can’t move the mouse to select different dialogue options! Or my gun won’t equip, so I die.

The AI in general is very bad. Sometimes cars will stop in the middle of junctions for no reason, causing you to crash or mount the sidewalk to get past, meaning you’ll likely run someone down and get a police warrant. NPCs just walk from one end of the road and back again, over and over on a loop. It’s very creepy!

The lighting, mostly inside buildings. Everything is pitch black! Why does V not own a flashlight? The amount of enemies I’ve barrelled into and alerted because I couldn’t see is too much.

The lack of dialogue choice, it was less interactive than what I’d been told to expect. There was only two or three options, with one only ever rarely being unique to one of V’s three possible background choices and most will yield the same results with a few exceptions, like avoiding combat.

V’s personality is already decided by the game, and is not really customisable. Do not expect full control over your V’s personality, as they are very much a canon character and exist outside of your (limited) choices. I didn’t expect Baldur's Gate 3 levels of customisation, but I did expect something more like Dragon Age 2’s dialogue wheel? Nice, Sarcasm and Angry? You know?

Obviously, the seizure inducing scenes were very dangerous. I get a headache whenever I have to do a braindance, and I wish it was skippable!

Accessibility as a whole is very much an afterthought in this game, I think. The subtitles are in “speaking English”, so instead of: Hey, how are you? It’s: Heyyy, how’re ya? It is often difficult to understand, and sometimes I just couldn’t work out what was being said.

It’s nitpicky but I wanted to do a pacifist route and I realised you can’t, you need to kill certain character’s... 

The main “villains” such as Yorinobu and Adam Smasher were very forgettable, and V had no personal stake in taking them out. I honestly forgot all about them. Takemura was talking about revenge and I’m like, who? Who are you talking about? Why are we kidnapping Hanako Arasaka, again? Johnny, why would I bother killing Adam Smasher? If they’d personally murdered Jackie, then yeah, I’d understand! But all V needs is to remove the chip and I don’t know... I just didn’t feel anything.

So, to summarise: I think CDPR were out of their depth. The long, very long, troubled development process was an indication of this before the game was even released, and the story I’ve experienced in the game is proof enough. I don’t think they knew what they wanted from this game, and as a result, we have a game that is honestly very confusing and frustrating with a story that always got close to gripping, but never quite makes it. All in all, I found this game to be pretty average. When the bugs are ironed out, I will think better of it. But as it stands, if I had to score it, I would give it a 6.5/10 or maybe 7/10. Good concept, somewhat misguided execution. The best part of the game was the Johnny/V dynamic, but I wasn’t satisfied with how it ended. They needed more time together! Anyway, it will be interesting to see what happens next. 

[lady-griffin]

Emma. (2020)

So, I just saw Emma. with my parents and we absolutely loved it.

It was absolutely fantastic. The costumes, the acting, the tension and drama of Emma and Mr. Knightley and just the sheer opulence and indulgence of all the wealth. Just everything.

But especially the costumes, they were mwah!

Emma is my mom’s favorite Jane Austen book and she just loved this movie to pieces. I think this movie has become her favorite adaptation of Emma, which is saying something.

Autumn De Wilde did an amazing job with this. She really did!!!

Such a great modern adaptation of the story without it actually being modern in its setting. 

Here are some (ha!) of my thoughts and feelings for this movie 

Spoilers Below

I have always felt that slight connection to the story and the character, because I was literally named Emma because of the book. And I think some of Emma’s flaws and strengths are similar to my own.

Anna Taylor-Joy did such a truly wonderful job as Emma. You knew all the faults and flaws of Emma right away, but you can’t help but like her, sympathize with her and just be charmed by Emma.

In that way, I think the audience truly sees things from Mr. Knightley’s perspective despite him not even appearing on screen until a bit later on.

Taylor-Joy’s portrayal of Emma breathes new life into the character.

Box Hill Scene

I think that’s why the Box Hill scene felt so awful in this adaptation. My parents and I gasped, even though we all knew it was coming, and maybe I just haven’t watched an adaption in a while, but you feel it.  

You really feel it.

You feel so awful for Miss Bates and the awkwardness of the entire situation and of course you’re angry at Emma, but also feel so bad for her, because she feels so bad for her comment. 

Of course, Miranda Hart’s portrayal of Miss Bates is another factor to why this scene punches you in the gut.

You want Emma to apologize to Miss Bates, but you also want to comfort her.

It’s really done well. 

Frank Churchill 

Interestingly, this movie made me strongly dislike Mr. Frank Churchill.

In other adaptations and if I’m not mistaken in the book as well, it really is Emma misreading and misinterpreting Frank’s friendliness.

But in this one, he’s definitely putting on a show with his relationship with Emma for the single purpose of misdirecting people away from Jane and him.

When Emma feels that initial attraction to him when they meet, it certainly does seem like he is leading her on and it’s not just simple friendliness. 

And there does seem like the easy interpretation that he’s worried that Emma (especially since she brings up Jane Fairfax in their first meeting) might figure out their engagement, so he wants to misdirect her/ I don’t know how true that is or even the intention of the movie, but the thought crossed my mind when watching. 

In other adaptations, Jane and Frank feel like a good match and all that and I’ve always been curious to their own romantic story going on in the background. 

Here, I couldn’t help but think (despite we didn’t get a whole lot of Jane) that he’s the one who is so lucky and fortunate to have her and less so the other way.

He’s not sinister or anything and you get his motivations, but at the same time you kind of want to slap him or at the very least I did.

Especially in two particular scenes.

 1. The scene where he talks about how he doesn’t see himself as prosperous and privilege (they use another word but I forgot, but that’s the main gist)

He felt super unaware of reality, particularly since this adaptation highlights the ostentatious wealth and the ridiculousness of it all. Emma rolled her eyes and I was just like, “Bitch Please!” 

2. After Emma insults Miss Bates, he becomes standoffish and completely ignores her.

Only Emma is responsible for what she said, but yet I couldn’t help but be miffed at Mr. Churchill, because he’s the one who insisted on the game and “egged” on the scene out of boredom before the moment happens.

There is a shot of Emma looking at him and he’s in the foreground taking a bite of an apple and just…

This movie did a particularly good job of making Mr. Knightley’s dislike of him feel very valid and warranted. And I don’t think I’ve really ever had such a negative reaction or opinion of Frank Churchill as much as I did in this movie.

He’s not the bad guy like Mr. Elton, definitely not, but Mr. Knightley’s assessment of him is more accurate than in other versions.

Emma and Harriet 

I loved the friendship of Emma and Harriet. I felt the movie really pulled off their entire relationship from Harriet starting out as a “doll to play with” for Emma to a genuine and close friend.

At the end, Harriet tells Emma she’s engaged to Mr. Martin and she quickly side steps Emma. 

And you think that Emma’s earlier meddling is the cause, but Harriet reveals her father has revealed himself to her. He not some gentile gentlemen and she’s so worry that Emma won’t be her friend now because she isn’t the daughter of a gentlemen, which Emma suspected.

And the relief she feels when Emma tells her that she should of course bring him to Hartfield was just everything. 

Also, the fact that Harriet is clearly shown as being the best way to get to Emma – from endearing yourself to her to hurting her is just perfection.

The scene where Mr. Elton refuses to dance with Harriet, you just feel the pain of both Harriet and Emma. He wants to hurt both of them and he succeeds. 

And then of course Mr. Knightley saves the day when he offers to dance with Harriet. 

Mr. George Knightley 

Johnny Flynn did a fantastic job. He truly did. Just him being the critic Emma needs, to acting superior to her and learning to be better, to him being a disaster of a man who suddenly realizes he’s in love with Emma and cannot handle it in the slightest. 

Emma and Mr. Knightley

The Dance!!! The Dance!!!

From Emma not wearing gloves, to it starting out as just friendly/platonic to them both realizing they have feelings for the other. I loved it. I absolutely loved it!!

Their bare hands were touching -- the sexiness and tension of it all. 

And of course, the confession scene between Emma and Mr. Knightley. 

From Emma thinking/worried he’s going to confess feelings about Harriet to him thinking that Emma is heartbroken over the news Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax.

And the nosebleed.

Probably a bit different for me and my parents in its significance and relevance to us, just becauset that throughout my life I’ve had random (and severe) nosebleeds. A random and extra connection, besides the shared name.

I just loved that their big romantic confession scene was Emma’s nose bleeding and her ugly crying and Mr. Knightley being so awkward. It was just perfection.

Particularly since, while not said, you could feel (or at least I thought this) Mr. Knightley’s annoyance and antagonism for Mr. Churchill at its height.

Because as much as he likes Jane as a person, I couldn’t help but think Mr. Knightley was thinking “You could’ve been with Emma and you chose not to!!! How stupid can one man be?!!!”

And of course, there were so many other scenes where you fell in love with these two.

- Emma thinking that Mr. Knightley might have sent Jane the piano and might be in love with her. The sheer panic and spiraling on her face alone was amazing. 

- Harriet getting hurt and Emma thinking she’s in love with Churchill so she requests that he stays and Mr. Knightley go and the palpable dejection and hurt from Mr. Knightley was just everything.

- Mr. Knightley saying that the only woman who will invite guests to Donwell Abbey will be Mrs. Knightley and until she exists, he will do it himself.

I don’t know why that scene in particular stuck with me, but it did.

I think because in that moment it seemed like Emma just realized that there could be a Mrs. Knightley for her Mr. Knightley and now that she is aware of her feelings, she does not like that in the slightest.

- Mr. Knightley undressing and collapsing on his floor due to his feelings for Emma and thinking she’s in love with Churchill (also the servant entering and just leaving the room)

Just everything okay. I loved everything.

Major Highlights

-- Bill Nighy as Mr. Woodhouse was just an absolute treat.

He feels a draft that no one else feels and it’s absolutely hilarious and great.

Also, his ‘distraught’ of losing his eldest daughter and Miss Taylor to marriage and the prospect of losing Emma to him purposely giving Emma and Mr. Knightley some privacy in the end. Just my heart.

-- The scene where Mr. Elton says it’s supposed to snow that night and he says it so casually and calm and you think it’s just awkward small talk and then it suddenly turns into pure chaos. Amazing. Sheer cinematic gold!

-- Josh O’Connor did a great job playing Mr. Elton. From the ridiculousness of him to him just being the worse. 

-- Mr. Martin having like at most 2-3 lines. And yet still makes such an impression, well done Mr. Connor Swindells.

-- The costumes were truly stunning, they really were.

I highly recommend you go and see this film. I just loved and adored it. 

[morningfears]

Stacks

Rating: M | This is smut! No one under 18!

Summary: College!AU. Calum is usually into being watched but tonight, he wants to try something different. Ft. Voyeurism and public sex.

Word Count: 3.5k

The library is quiet around you, completely still and devoid of life. It’s the middle of June and though you’d rather be anywhere else, you’re thankful for the air conditioning and the lack of usual library inhabitants as you stare blankly at the history textbook lying open on the table in front of you. It’s barely nine at night, far too early to call it quits but late enough to feel tempted, and you force yourself to bite back a sigh as you lift your head to glance at the blonde sitting across from you.

Luke looks just as miserable as you feel as he stares at his literature textbook. His eyes lack the usual spark and his curls are unruly from the constant movement of his hand running through them. He checked out nearly an hour ago and, if you’re being honest, you’re ready to join him.

You quietly stare at him for another long moment before you sigh and lean back in your seat. “Honestly,” you begin, a little too loudly for the library, “I’m over this semester and it’s barely started. Who the fuck decided that summer classes should be a thing?”

“The same person that decided tuition should be a thing, probably,” Luke offers with a shrug as he continues to stare, bored beyond belief, at the open book lying on the table in front of him. He hasn’t turned a page in close to fifteen minutes and, normally, you’d call him out. However, this time, you’re in much the same position.

You nod thoughtfully at Luke’s assertion and move to rest your elbows on the table. “The university complex is ridiculous and overrated. We’re spending eons in classes, re-learning bullshit we were supposed to learn in high school, and we’re not even guaranteed to get a job at the end of it. What are we guaranteed? A piece of paper in a fancy cardboard holder and a year’s free membership to the Alumni Association, if we’re lucky. That’s a bullshit trade-off if I’ve ever seen one,” you huff as you return the cap to your highlighter and toss the yellow marker onto the table. “I need coffee.”

“Or sex,” Luke hums, his tone never changing as he grabs your discarded highlighter and begins to twirl it between his fingers. “Speaking of, where’s Cal? Wasn’t he supposed to meet us here?”

“He had to help with orientation today. Represent the frat at the information session,” you sigh as you shove your history textbook back into your backpack. “He texted me, like, twenty minutes ago, though. The freshmen they’re hosting at the house are apparently all lightweights and have mostly passed out so he’s on his way. Wants to go over math notes or something with you.”

Luke frowns at this and shakes his head. “Why does everyone come to me for help with math?” Luke questions as he copies your actions and shoves his own textbook into his backpack. 

“Your mom’s a math teacher, Luke,” Calum reminds him as he emerges from between two shelves, a carrier full of coffee in hand and a grin on his lips, “and you did so well on your exams that you got to skip math. Not all of us are fucking nerds.” Luke makes an indignant noise at this while Calum turns to you with a smile and presses a kiss to your forehead before he takes a seat in the open chair beside you. “And not all of us chose majors that require the most basic math class and nothing harder,” he teases as he glances at you.

“Not my fault you want to do something with your life,” you shrug as you grab the cup from his outstretched hand, “I’m getting a liberal arts degree that’s going to keep me in debt and jobless for the rest of my life. But at least I sorta like my classes.”

Luke whines at this and shakes his head once more. “Can we stop talking about class and the future?” Luke questions as he takes his own coffee from Calum. “It’s depressing and I don’t want to have a mental breakdown in the library. Remember that one kid freshman year?” When you and Calum nod, Luke continues, “People still bring it up and tease him about it. And he’s, like, a super senior.”

“Fuck this bullshit,” you grumble as you nudge your coffee cup to the side and drop your head to the table with a ‘thump’. “I give up. I’m going to become a stripper. Did you know that was an actual goal of mine for, like, ten minutes when I was a kid?” you mumble, your voice muffled by the table. “Wanted to be a stripper or a Playboy Bunny. Couldn’t decide. Thought about both. Maybe a Suicide Girl.”

Calum makes a thoughtful noise beside you before he reaches out to stroke your back gently. “If you want to test any, or all, of those fantasies, see if you’d be any good at them, I’m more than happy to help judge,” Calum offers with a grin. When you reach out to swat at him half-heartedly, he grabs your arm and tugs you into his side with a laugh. “I’m kidding,” he assures you, a grin still present on his lips, “academia is for you. You’re just tired. You guys have been here for hours.” He pauses for a moment, looks you and Luke over, before he continues, “Seriously, you should take a break. Say fuck the reading, both of you. Let’s go run through the fountain naked or something.”

“Honestly, I love you, but fuck off,” you sigh as you prop your head on your arms and glance over at Calum. “I don’t feel like going streaking at the moment. I’m tired. And hungry. And also horny. It’s the worst combination of negative emotions and I’m actually going to combust if I don’t get out of this library. My soul is becoming one with these walls.”

Calum is quiet for a moment as he watches Luke draw haphazard circles on the table with the capped end of the highlighter while you stare blankly at your coffee cup. He wants to break the two of you out of your school-induced haze and, the longer he thinks about it, the clearer the perfect idea becomes. You’d mentioned it once, early in your relationship and under the influence of far too much weed, but Calum remembers clearly that you’d had a thing for Luke before the two of you got together. And Luke, God love him, doesn’t have a filter and has mentioned on several different occasions just how attractive he finds you.

Calum had admitted to you during a late night conversation after a few orgasms and in desperate need of sleep that he’d like to watch you with someone else. It was a fantasy he never though he’d have, he prefers to be watched, but the idea hit him and he hasn’t been able to shake it. That night, you’d been on board after a moment’s hesitation and Calum is thinking that now might be time to act. Especially, he rationalizes to himself, here in the deserted third floor stacks.

He knows that there’ll never be another opportunity like this. The library is nearly empty, quiet and devoid of life. The campus itself is empty, most students have gone home for the summer, and is running on a skeleton crew. Even if you were to get caught, which Calum highly doubts, it’ll likely be by someone who isn’t paid enough to care.

With that, and yours’ and Luke’s desperate need for a study break, in mind, Calum decides to propose his solution to the two of you. He breaks the lengthy stretch of silence with a quiet hum of, “I think I might have another idea. You guys trust me?”

Calum expects a moment of hesitation but without missing a beat, you nod. “Of course,” you assure him, lifting your head slightly to glance over at him, “you know I do.”

“Not in the slightest but I’m dying of boredom so I’ll bite,” Luke shrugs, although both of you know that he trusts Calum with his life.

Calum rolls his eyes at Luke’s response before he leans over and presses a kiss to your forehead. He hesitates for a moment, almost unsure of himself, before he steels his resolve, stands from his seat, and begins walking toward the back of the room. He’s heading for the back row of shelves, out of view of the cameras, and you frown as you watch him. When he doesn’t hear footsteps behind him, he glances over his shoulder at you and Luke. “You guys coming?” he calls over his shoulder, grinning when you and Luke share a wary glance before you both stand and hurry after him.

“Okay, not that I don’t fully trust you,” you begin as Calum leads you and Luke into a corner illuminated by the streetlight outside the window, “I just don’t get it. What are we doing in the dustiest corner of the library?”

The lights aren’t as harsh in this area, the florescent bulbs are blocked by the high shelves, but there’s still enough light pouring in that you can see the dust covered shelves and cobwebs. You can also see Calum and Luke clearly enough to notice that Calum has a mischievous glint in his eyes while Luke looks just as confused as you feel.

“You remember what we talked about a few weeks ago?” Calum asks you as he steps closer and reaches out to place his hands on your hips. When you stare blankly at him, he sighs. “We talked about things we wanted to try. I said I wanted to watch.”

It takes a moment but when Calum sees a flicker of recognition in your eyes, he grins. “Wait, what?” you laugh, “Here? Now? With Luke?”

“What are we doing here, now, and with Luke?” Luke questions, his eyebrows furrowing further with confusion. “What are you trying? What are you watching? I feel so lost right now.”

“Shut up for a second, Luke,” you mumble, glancing over Calum’s shoulder at him. He holds his hands up in surrender and turns his attention to the dusty, broken spines of old books as you turn yours to Calum. “Are you serious? Why here, why now?”

“I’m serious,” Calum nods as he squeezes your hips gently. “Here because it’s quiet and empty, now because the two of you need a break. Do you still want to?”

“I mean, yeah,” you nod, certain that sleeping with Luke is something you want, “but are you sure you’re okay with it? I don’t want to say you’re possessive but…”

“You’re possessive,” Luke chimes in, his attention still on the bookshelf and back still turned to the two of you. When you’re silent for a moment, he shrugs. “You’re right there, I can’t help but hear you.”

Calum rolls his eyes at this before he returns his full attention to you. “I’m okay with it,” he nods. “If I don’t like it, at least we’ll know and I can go back to being possessive,” he shrugs, adding the last few words with a grumble as he cuts his eyes to Luke (who you’re certain has a grin on his lips).

“Okay but that doesn’t mean Luke wants to,” you sigh as you glance over Calum’s shoulder once more.

“Luke definitely wants to,” Calum nods. He’s certain that Luke will say yes. He knows that this is something Luke has wanted for a while and will jump at the opportunity.

“If you two would stop talking about me like you think I can’t hear you, I’d tell you if I was in or not,” Luke huffs as he turns to face you and Calum. “What do I definitely want to do?” he directs to Calum as soon as Calum turns to face him.

“You definitely want to fuck my girlfriend.”

Luke stands there, frozen with his eyes wide and mouth hanging open, for a long moment before he shakes his head. “What? No, I don’t. What gave you that idea?” When he glances at you and sees your raised eyebrows, he backtracks. “I mean, I do. I find you very attractive and great and would love to but you’re with Calum! And I would never…” Luke trails off when he realizes you and Calum are both smiling at him. He’s slightly confused and doesn’t understand what’s happening as he grumbles, “Stop laughing at me. I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“Just say yes,” you encourage him with a grin. “Cal and I were talking about it. He’s always had a thing for being watched but now he wants to try the reverse, watching someone else.”

“Why me?” Luke asks, eyes still wide and a blush creeping up his neck.

“Because she wants you just as bad as you want her,” Calum shrugs as he wraps his arm around your shoulders and grins at Luke. “Either take it or leave it, Luke. This is the only time I’m going to play nice and share.”

Luke glances between you and Calum for a long moment. He wants to be certain that you’re both serious, that you’re not playing a practical joke on him, but he knows that neither of you would do anything that cruel to him. He knows that you’re both serious and, although he’s somewhat nervous, he doesn’t want to let this opportunity pass him by.

“Okay,” he nods, “yeah. I want to do this.”

Calum grins at this and nods before he releases your shoulders and brings his hands to your cheeks. He pulls you in for a quick, passionate kiss before he releases you and steps back. “I don’t think anyone will check back here but remember we’re in public. Keep quiet, baby,” he reminds you with a grin. After he nudges you toward Luke, Calum leans against one of the stacks, settling into a space where he can still see your face, and nods. “Go for it.”

Both you and Calum know that Luke won’t take the lead in this scenario. You know that he’s afraid to cross any lines or upset Calum so you make the first move. The moment Calum nudges you forward, you close the open space between you and Luke and pause before you touch him. “Is this okay?” you ask, wanting to be sure, “Can I touch you?”

“Please,” Luke nods, “it’s more than okay. Fuck.”

You grin at his excitement as you wrap your arms around his neck and tangle your fingers in his hair. You know that, even though the library is mostly empty, you’re still in public and need to be mindful of how long you take. However, you want to savor the first few moments. So you’re slow, soft and gentle, as you rake through the curls. “You can touch me, Luke,” you smiles, granting him permission, “I promise, Cal won’t be mad.”

Calum nods his agreement when Luke glances over at him but otherwise remains quiet as he watches Luke place his hands on your hips. Luke attempts to tune Calum’s presence out as you gently pull him down to press a soft kiss to his lips. Luke is somewhat rigid against you but the moment your fingers gently tug at his hair, he’s melting against you.

Calum watches as you lead the kiss. He watches Luke’s fingers dig into your hips, your fingers tug at his hair, your lips working seamlessly together. Calum shifts to get a better look as you crowd closer to Luke, your chest pressed against his as you release his hair and drop your hands to his shoulders. Luke breathes a sigh of content as he moves his hands to your ass. Calum grins at this, happier than he thought he would be at Luke finally playing along, and adjusts himself in his jeans as he watches your hands move down Luke’s chest.

“You can touch me, Lu,” you mumble against the column of his throat as you pull away to catch your breath.

“You should touch her,” Calum reminds him. “I’m enjoying this but we’re in public.”

Luke blinks as if he’s only just remembered this fact and nods. “Public,” he mumbles, his hands squeezing your ass before they move to the button of your shorts, “right.”

With the thought that the two of you are on a timer, Luke gains the motivation he needs to begin moving uninhibited. Calum is mildly impressed as he watches Luke dip his hand beneath your skirt and nudge your panties to the side. You feel your knees buckle as Luke’s fingers find your clit and he grins into the kiss as he wraps his arm around your waist to hold you up. As you focus on the feeling of Luke’s fingers rubbing at your clit, brushing your slit and attempting to open you up, you follow his lead and unbutton his jeans.

Calum steps just a little closer as Luke turns you and presses you against the window. Luke has his lips back on yours, his tongue licking into your mouth as he bunches your skirt up. He slips two fingers into your heat, working to prepare you, as he uses his free hand to nudge his jeans down just enough to free his cock. He feels something against his arm and pulls away from you, confused, only to find Calum holding a condom out to him. “Thanks,” he mumbles as takes the foil from Calum.

Calum nods his acknowledgment before he steps back and allows Luke to continue. Luke doesn’t want to rush this, he wants to savor the moment, but he knows that the two of you need to hurry. So as you press kisses to the column of his throat, he rolls the latex onto his length.

As Luke brushes his length down your slit, you meet Calum’s eyes over his shoulder. His eyes are dark with lust and his bottom lip is swollen from biting it. His arms are folded over his chest but you can see the bulge in his jeans and you know that he’s likely aching to be touched. You know that your night is far from over, you can tell by the smirk on his lips, and the thought makes you moan as you return your fingers to Luke’s hair. “Come on, Luke,” you groan as you tug at his curls, “fuck me, please.”

Luke groans at the feeling of your lips on his neck, of your hands in his hair, and nods as he places his cock at your entrance. He sinks in slowly, wanting to savor the moment, but as soon as he’s buried inside of you, his thoughts all vanish into nothing but how tight and warm you are around him. He remains still for a moment, breathing deeply as he attempts to control himself, before he sets a moderate pace.

His fingers are on your clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves quickly, as he fucks into you. Your free hand is splayed on the glass as you wrap your leg around his waist and attempt to hold yourself steady. You can feel the glass vibrating behind you, can feel the exhilaration as you think that anyone passing by might be able to see, and it all overwhelms your senses as you meet Calum’s eyes once more.

You keep your eyes on Calum’s as you cum and he has to bite back a groan as he watches you. He wants to step in, kiss you and hold you tight to his chest, but he remains in his position as he watches Luke chase his own orgasm. It only takes another moment, not long after your release, for Luke to join you in the afterglow of an orgasm. He’s still for a moment, quiet, before he pulls out.

The two of you are quiet as you adjust your clothes and Luke moves to step away but before he can, you pull him in and press a gentle kiss to his lips. “Thank you, Lu,” you mumble against his lips before you gently pat his cheek and step around him to reach out for Calum. Before you can speak, Calum pulls you into a heated kiss. His hands are against your cheeks, holding you in place, as he leaves you breathless.

“I liked it,” he mumbles against your lips in response to your unspoken question. “I really fucking liked it,” he breathes as he grabs your hand and guides it to the bulge in his jeans.

“I think I’m done studying for the night,” you breathe as you gently squeeze him, “we should go back to my place. My roommates are gone.”

“Or we could go to mine,” Calum breathes, “I don’t think my roommate will mind. He might even join us.”

The both of you glance at Luke who looks mildly surprised but nods just as quickly. “Fuck yeah,” he breathes as he grabs the hand you’re holding out to him, “I don’t mind at all.”

Author’s Note: I started this, like, ages ago for a request. And I just now finished it. If whoever requested this initially is still around, I’m sorry and I hope you liked it.

[misterewrites]

Jack’s Annoyingly Insightful Mall Trip

Hello everyone, Mr.E here with a fun little story. Working hard to get back into to writing and today I am happy to bring you a little nova story! YAY! been forever. So I have to make this quick because it’s late but basically my good friend deth @marionette-j2x asked me for a little oneshot story and here it is.

So basically a kinda noncanon story that is set a few months after the last major story arc of Nova vs. Jack is searching for a new bowtie in the one place he hates the most: the mall. During his search, he runs into a familiar blue haired maid and makes a deal in exchange to save his beloved accessory. 

That’s it for me for now. I am a bit rusty but I hope you enjoy the story. Also slight nova spoilers.  Jelina everyone’s favorite blue haired maid belongs to my good friend deth @marionette-j2x and Jack is mine. Have an amazing week and I’ll see you all soon!

Jack mumbled unhappily to himself as he wandered the Echo Creek Mall alone, the handful of people scattered about really highlighting the vast emptiness of the building.

Normally Jack wouldn’t have come at all on a Monday but with his mother currently overseas and the need for a new bowtie imminent, he had no choice to but brave the sea of similar stores trying to sell him the same thing.

He had been hoping his two best friends would have been able to join him on this trip but naturally the two were quick to play their excuses: Nova was supposedly forced to go to Mewni with her mother and Connor claimed that he was currently trying to prevent roombas from escaping into the outside world.

Jack scoffed in disbelief “They’re vacuum cleaners. Of course they don’t have any natural predators”

Jack stopped mid-step once he remembered what exactly Connor’s parents did for a living.

“Oh that’s actually terrifying.”

He shook his head, trying to clear the thought away as he resumed his search.

His eyes lazily glanced from storefront to storefront, each increasingly less appealing than the last.

A sigh escaped his lips as Jack rubbed the now empty space where his beloved bowtie once was. He felt so off without his signature accessory but nothing could be done about it. It was torn and Jack’s years of ignoring his mother trying to teach him how to maintain and fix various fabrics had gotten back at the magician at least.

Not that he would ever admit that.

Jack scratched his cheek mindlessly, trying his best to stay focus on the task but between the fact that he didn’t really want to be here especially alone and that none of the bowties he had seen so far really spoke to him, he really just wanted to go home and risk heading to the monthly magician’s meeting tie less.

“Ugggggggggggggh” Jack whined “Whyyyyyy is this so annoyingly hard? Why can’t it be like those cartoons where the character wanders around for like a second and then the perfect bowtie is just there, gleaming brightly within some unrealistic angelic glow, beckoning them to buy them. Probably at an insanely high price for comedic effect.” Jack gave a playful shrug “Thank Hades I’m rich annnnnd I’m talking to myself. Yeah, time to go.”

He pivoted on his feet, turning towards entrance when he was blinded by a harsh light. He covered his eyes, hissing furiously.

“Whoops” a voice called out “Sorry about that. Let me just put the cover back on annnnnd...”

The lights dimmed as Jack rubbed his eyes. He squinted carefully at the man putting the plastic covering back onto the overhead lights.

“Sorry kid!” The janitor apologized while he climbed down the ladder “I forget how bright these bulbs are.”

Jack groaned, absolutely done with this entire trip when he spotted a familiar person.

His eyes narrowed, unable to keep the glare out of his gaze as she came strolling into the mall.

Jack ducked behind a nearby trash can, squatting low to make sure Jelina didn’t see him.

His mind raced with suspicious thoughts: Though Star and the council had cleared Kim and his maids several months ago citing some sort of mind control played a part in Nova’s abduction, Jack was naturally less inclined to trust them. Especially with the whole shooting a rocket at him and his favorite human.

Might’ve made it a bit personal to him.

Just a little.

If Jack didn’t know better (Which, luckily, he did) he would’ve guessed she was a simple, slightly robotic looking human just exploring the mall. She was dressed far more casually than the last time the two meet: A blue blouse with black undershirt, dark blue demi jeans and flipflops though she still kept her hair up in her buns with her two headphone..antennas? Were they antennas or…

“Focus Jack!” the magician scolded himself.

He expected Kim and her sisters to come walking in after her but aside from checking her comically large purse for a moment and quizzically staring at her surroundings, no one came and Jelina tentatively began walking towards the center of the mall.

Jack rose to full height, still openly glaring. She had to be up to something! She was a demon lord’s maid and Jack knew first hand the only reason demons come to Earth was because they’re bored. He should know that’s why he lived here.

“Hey kid.” The janitor asked with a hint of concern “Are...are you okay? You’re still squinting. I-I can get you some eye drops if you need them.”

“I’m fine” Jack growled

“…..okay.”

Jack bolted, quickly closing the gap between him and Jelina. He was going to find out what evil deed she was up to, no matter how long it took!

10 minutes later

“Ugggggggggggggh” Jack whined, trying his best to prevent boredom from overtaking his resolve as he hid against a wall.

Jelina was a very uninteresting subject to follow. So far she wandered aimlessly, taking a second to look at a store or vendor booth before timidly shuffling to another location. Once or twice she would take a step forward towards entering a place before changing her mind and altering course. The only thing that seemed to really catch her attention were some stuff animals at a toy store but even that wasn’t enough to lure her within. Jack was starting to suspect she knew someone was tailing her and was trying to bore them into leaving. That was the only explanation he could think of about her strange actions though he was fairly certain she wasn’t aware of who was on her trail.

“Hello Mr. Ordonia”

Jack jumped back startled, wincing in pain when the back of his skull slammed into the wall behind him.

“Oww! Son of...” He grimaced.

Jelina’s face was indifferent though Jack could see the subtle crook of a smile.

“I am sorry if I startled you” She spoke neutrally “It was not my intention.”

“Sure” Jack replied sarcastically “How did you even know I was here?”

Jelina gestured to her headphones “I heard you talking to yourself about me. I suspect you assume I am for some sinister purpose. I can assure you I am simply a tourist today.”

“A tourist? To Earth?” Jack rose an eyebrow “No demon is that bored!”

“Good thing I am a cyborg.” Jelina answered. Jack could hear the sass behind those words.

“Let’s say I believe you.” Jack began.

“You clearly don’t.”

Jack ignored her “Why the mall? This place isn’t even exciting during peak hours. Pretty strange place to pick on your day off. If it is your day off!”

Jack gave an accusatory point with his finger but Jelina just nodded “Yes it is in fact my day off.”

Jack’s finger dropped as he tried to process this information “I...but...”

“To speed this along, my lord, my sisters and I are currently under probation. After being monitored for several months along with full cooperation, the council has agreed to lift the dimensional travel ban under the condition we do not cause further trouble. Master Kim felt terrible about the situation we accidentally were dragged into and gave us each a day off.”

“So where are your sisters?” Jack eyed the surroundings carefully, half expecting them to jump out in an ambush.

Jelina took a deep breath “While I am grateful and respect the lord of the manor, I am afraid we would return to a pile of ash if we left Master Kim unattended for a day.  

Jack laughed “Hahah that’s funny. Demon lords are so helpless.”

“Like you?”

Jack huffed causing Jelina to grin mischievously

“So let me guess, it’s your turn and you decided to come to a mall?”

“Of course.”

“Why?”

It was subtle but there was a shift in Jelina’s stance. What was once indifference was now guarded though timid.

“I am afraid to admit to you that I do not leave the house often.”

“No kidding” Jack smirked.

It was Jelina’s turn to glare “Well in any case I decided my first trip onto Earth should be the mall. It is such staple of many movies it seemed a perfect first choice.”

“Riiiiiight okay I’m going to go now. Bye!”

“Wait.”

Jack paused, surprised at the softness in the maid’s voice.

“I...” Jelina gulped nervously “I...don’t know how this works….”

“The mall? It’s not….” Jack caught the embarrassed blush on her cheeks “...always easy to navigate the first time.”

Jack let out a sigh “Okay, look if I help you through the mall, can you do me a favor?”

“Oh?” Jelina tiled her head quizzically “I admit I wasn’t expecting that to be honest but I suppose if it’s within my power and reasonable.”

“You’re a maid, right?”

“You know this Mr. Ordonia.”

Jack narrowed his eyes at the smiling Jelina “Call me Jack. Anyway, I take it you have someone who maintains Kim’s clothing? Like a tailor?”

Jelina nodded in agreement “Yes. Do you need something made or repaired?”

“Yeaaaah. If I show you around the mall, will you have them fix my bowtie?”

“That seems fair though you may have to wait a while for the tailor to perform their work.”

“That’s fine, better than wandering this hellscape for a replacement. Alright, where do you want to go first?”

_____________________________________________

“Sooooo” Jack gestured halfheartedly to the loose circle of various food booths “This is the food court where there is a court..of food.”

Jelina’s blue eyes sparkled with excitement “Interesting though I imagine this must be difficult for someone particularly indecisive. I am surprised the Underworld hasn’t adopted this as a form of torture.”

“Oh I’m sure my father is working on it” Jack murmured unhappily.

Jelina glanced at the half demon out of the corner of her eye but decided it was best to say nothing.

“Do you think we can try one?”

“Umm yeah...sure. What are you feeling? Burger? Chicken bowl? Pizza?”

“…..”

Jack rose an eyebrow as Jelina stood there, eyes darting back and forth between the various options.

“You trying to pick?”

“Yes”

“Indecisive, are we?”

Jelina’s indifferent face broke into a surprisingly cute pout that caught Jack completely unaware.

“No, I am calculating the best choice for a meal.”

“Yeah, I’m not buying that.”

“That is because you suck Jack.”

Jelina giggled playfully, breaking into a sprint as Jack gave chase.

______________________________________________________

Jack lazily tossed a fry into his mouth as Jelina cheerfully finished up her burger.

“I think I want to go here” Jelina gestured to a storefront, making her way within with Jack close behind.

“There seems to be a theme here.” Jelina thought out while she took in the various clothing options and designs “Are you sure a demon didn’t create a mall?”

Jack shrugged “Who knows but either way they were clearly some sort of evil.”

Jelina pursed her lips, eyes scanning the room as she wandered about.

Jack rolled his eyes, batting at various articles of clothing out of boredom. Just pat that, move this, touch this jacket for a while because the fabric felt nice.

“Jack?”

Jack snapped out of his thought, dropping the jacket sleeve as Jelina stared at him curiously.

“Are you alright? You weren’t talking about yourself so I assumed you had been arrested for shoplifting.”

“Ha ha. Shows what you know, I wouldn’t have been caught.” Jack beamed with pride.

“And you’re proud of this?”

Jack grumbled “You are just the worst….”

“Anyway” Jelina continued “I managed to find some clothes my sisters would love.”

Jack glanced over the articles of clothing and scoffed, snatching them from Jelina’s grip and shoving them onto the clearance rack.

“Hey! I was going to buy those!” Jelina angrily shouted, reaching for the discarded clothing only to have Jack stop her with an outstretched hand.

“No you’re not. That brand is my mom’s chief rival. You don’t want that trash.”

“I will not conform to your biases Jack. If I wish to buy these items, I will.”

“Fine but you’re going to have to have your tailor stitch holes and tears by next week assuming if they even last that long. The fabric is cheap, the sewing shoddy and it’s overpriced.”

Jelina rose an eyebrow “and I’m supposed to believe you?”

Jack waved his hand dismissively as he made his way out of the store “What do I care? It’s your money you’re wasting. My mom’s a lot of things but at least she takes pride in her work.”

Jelina thoughtfully watched the retreating figure of the magician.

Jack fumed on the outside bench, hands cradling his head while he murmured to himself “I really shouldn’t have said anything. What does it even matter? I don’t care. Why should I care what she spends her money on?”

What was he even doing? This was the same person that tried to blow him apart half a year ago and while she ultimately helped and even saved his life, it was less of being a good person and more to save her master. He should just go home and accept that his bowtie was dead and there was nothing to do but give it a proper viking funeral.

Jack went silent as he heard the clack, clack, clack of Jelina’s flip flops approaching.

“I take it your mother is a fashion designer?”

Jack scoffed “What gave it away?”

“Since you convinced me not to buy second rate clothing that my sisters would’ve adored, can you help me find your mother’s brand? And for your sake, they better be as cute as the ones I found.”

“….Fine but only because my mom would kill me if I didn’t at least try to push a sale.”

Jelina gave Jack a gentle smile.

Jack coughed awkwardly as he stood up.

______________________________________________

“So does Master Kim not give you ice cream or do you not know what it is?” Jack teased as the two patiently waited in the line.

Well Jelina was waiting patiently, Jack had his arm crossed, tapping his foot in an annoying fashion.

“Of course I know what ice cream is Jack” Jelina shot back “But this would be the first time in a long time that I wouldn’t have to fight off my sisters for such a treat.”

“Why don’t you all just buy your own?”

“We do. We really just love ice cream.”

“I can strangely relate. I too usually am trying steal ice cream from my friends.”

“I cannot see why Connor puts up with your antics”

“Probably my charm and good grace.”

“It’s certainly not for you humor that’s for sure.”

Jack mumbled under his breath while Jelina gave a crooked smirk. He opened his mouth retort when he caught sight of the headphones covering her ears. She had been wearing them all day. He assumed that it was a personal preference but in this moment, he couldn’t help but recall her words earlier. She was a cyborg which meant she possessed robotic parts intermixed within her human body.

Did Kim do this to her? Was it to save her life or maybe to ruin it? Demons weren’t exactly known for their kindness and that thought made Jack squirm uneasily.

“Stop staring Jack. It’s quite rude and for you, that’s saying something.”

Jack snapped out of it, trying to ignore the icy glance the blue haired maid was sending his way.

“I wasn’t staring, I was thinking.”

Jelina’s eyes widened in surprise “That explains the smoke coming out of your ears. Must be overworking your poor brain.”

“More like underworking.”

“That’s not a word.”

“And you’re not even human!”

Jack hadn’t meant to snap. He didn’t even know why he responded so poorly. It wasn’t anger. It wasn’t even embarrassment. Maybe some part of him realized how much fun he was having with a near stranger. Maybe he was scared of being lured into a false sense of security, of being set up for some malicious or ill intent. Maybe it was because how easy it was to be so comfortable Jelina that threw him off. He had only met her twice and he already felt like he knew her his entire life. A strange and foreign connection that formed far more quickly than he expected. Someone as sassy and witty as him that he didn’t mind spending time with.  

There was a thick pause as the words tumbled out of Jack’s mouth. If Jelina was hurt or shocked by his response, she didn’t show it but Jack could feel her attitude shift, a distance that wasn’t there before  suddenly grew once more.

Jelina sighed “I am human. Just not completely. Was that what you were thinking of?”

“I...”

“Everyone does” Jelina spoke softly “Sooner or later they noticed my antennas or my headphones or the camera lens in my eyes.”

Jack was confused “Wait, there’s camera lens in your...”

“And they always think how human I must really be” Jelina pushed on “I am very human Mr. Ordonia.”

“Wait, that’s not what I...”

“I think I should go.” there was a finality in her voice that made Jack fidget guiltily.

She turned to him, shook his hand politely and gave a little nod “Thank you for your time”

“Hey wait a minute” Jack growled “I wasn’t thinking about how human you are. I was thinking….”

Jelina was unconvinced “You do not have to lie to me Mr. Ordonia. I know it is your prefer method of avoiding responsibility but I can assure you I am used such responses.”

“Fine” Jack huffed “Fine, what do I care? Just...fine!”

Jack stomped off, unable to control his rage despite his best efforts.

This is why he didn’t help people. This is why he hated the mall and this is why he was just going to go straight home.

____________________________________________________

He hadn’t. Guilt set in shortly after and when he returned to fix his mistakes like Connor taught him, Jelina was nowhere to be seen.

Many people who knew Jack would assume by performing this bare minimum effort to apologize he would clear his conscience and was now able to go home.

But those who truly knew him knew what he was about to do, driven by deep seated moral code he pretended he didn’t have.

He searched the mall. The second floor, the various stores, the court of food, even asking people to check the bathrooms for him. Seconds into minutes into an hour and still he searched.

He nearly gave up and took the weight of his guilt home with him until he heard the scuffling of sneakers across the sleek mall floor somewhere close by. Jack may have been a subpar student with an attention span of a rodent when forced to deal with things he’d rather not but that didn’t mean he was some simpleton.

That particular squeak was caused when someone was putting all their weight down on the balls of their feet, usually in order to brace for impact or preparing to lunge at someone.

Jack rounded the corner to a group of older teens, hands clenched into fists and snarling at Jelina who stood in front a younger girl who clutched at the blue haired maid’s bag fearfully.

“We just wanted the money she owed us” One of the boys shouted, eyes narrowing in righteous fury.

“Stop lying” Jelina scoffed “I know a bully when I see one. You will leave this poor girl alone.”

The trio laughed “Or what?”

“You really don’t want to know” Jack spoke up without warning.

The tap on his shoulder caused one of the bullies to whirl around in surprise, fist raised but Jack had flicked his nose, sending the unprepared bully staggering backwards.

“You best be off and mind your own business.” The leader spoke up, eyes shifting warily between Jelina and Jack on either side of him.

“Bold words for someone whose on fire.”

“What?”

Before anyone realized what was going on, the teen who stumbled over Jack’s sneak attack spontaneously caught ablaze,  flame burning the fabric for a moment as smoke rose upwards. An alarm blared while the sprinklers sprung to life, dousing the flame and bullies into a soppy wet mess. They shouted obscene curse words as they bolted past the lazy magician, tripping and flailing of over the slippy wet floor, the yells of the security guard trailing close behind the trio as they attempted to escape.

Jelina sighed in relief before glancing at the little girl “Are you safe?”

She nodded happily “Thank you!” and she launched herself into Jelina’s arm, wrapping the maid in a tight hug before leaving to search for her mother.

Jelina smiled warmly at the act but when she glanced back, Jack was nowhere to be seen.

Jelina raced down the hallway as quickly as she could only to find Jack casually leaning against the wall, grinning mischievously at the sight of the bullies being hauled away by mall security for setting a fire.

Jelina stood there awkwardly, unsure what to say to the demonic prince. While she no doubt could’ve handled those punks with no issues, she was grateful she didn’t have to wipe blood from her knuckles.

“You’re welcome.”

Jack’s soft voice surprised Jelina.

“I could’ve handled it myself but thank you all the same”

Jack stretched his arms “I know but I figured this was better than you getting in trouble with the council. Wouldn’t want you to be stuck at home for another god knows how many months.”

Jelina hadn’t thought of that. Had she picked the fight with the bullies, even in self defense and defense of another, it was entirely possible the council would’ve viewed it as causing trouble and forced her under harsh monitoring.

“….Thank you Jack.”

Jack grinned impishly “There’s the real one. Well since that concludes our business together.”

Jack pushed off the wall, turning away towards the exit when a hand gripped his shoulder gently.

“Jack….what were you thinking when you were lost in thought?”

“Oh now you believe me.” Jack raised an eyebrow.

Jelina pulled back her hand “You did set someone on fire for me after presumably looking to apologize. It’s only fair I hear what lie you came up with.”

“I never apologize” Jack exclaimed before glancing away “But I have to admit when I really thought about your….cyborgness...”

“Not a word.” Jelina cut in.

“Not caring” Jack continued “I wasn’t thinking if you were human because you clearly are. Like duh. I was thinking did Kim save you or did he do that to you. Demon lords aren’t exactly known….”

“For their kindness” Jelina finished “That is a fair question. I am not used to someone who understands the inter workings of demonic culture so intimately.”

“Yeah me either.”

Jelina paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts and deciding on how best to answer the question “Yes Master Kim did perform the operation on me though it was to save my life and the lives of my sisters. We owe him so much and he has always been kind to us. That’s why we refused to leave his side even when he was clearly not himself.”

“And why you were willing to free me and Connor.” Jack filled in.

Jelina nodded in agreement “You were our best hope….I am sorry I assumed poorly of you. Despite this last hour, I had fun today.”

“Well I didn’t”

Jelina’s face fell “Oh….I...”

“But” Jack rubbed his neck timidly “That’s my fault. I was so caught up in your angle and what you were planning that I pretty much was on guard about everything. When I finally actually stopped and looked at you, thinking about what you’ve been through….well I dunno I guess I wasn’t liking the fact you weren’t as bad as I thought you were. Even if you are really annoying.”

Jelina stifled a chuckle “Just because I do not think poorly of you does not mean you are not irritating.”

“Look, about the bowtie….”

“Oh right” Jelina snapped fingers “Do you have it on you? Given how far you were willing to go just to repair it, I suspect you do.”

“Yes” Jack began slowly “But given how much trouble I almost got you in, it’s okay if...”

“Hand it over Hellspawn.”

Jack wasn’t sure how to feel about the sudden name calling, no matter how accurate, and decided perhaps it was best to just to give her the bowtie. He fished it gingerly out of his pocket and carefully handed it over. It didn’t really matter, the tailor must’ve been back in the Underworld and lord knows how long it took them to fix tears on fabrics. It was only fair that he wait however long it took.

Jelina studied the rip on the strap cautiously as she fished out a small square kit from her purse. She pulled out a sewing needle and thread and before Jack could mutter a single confused curse, she began stitching the beloved bowtie back together, her work fast, efficient and effortlessly. Less than a minute later, the repair work was complete and Jack held his precious bowtie in his hand good as new.

“Thank you for a wonderful day Jack.” Jelina politely bowed and quickly strolled away.

“You are the literal worst maidy!” Jack called out, no real bite to his insult.

Jelina simply smiled to herself, humming softly as she made her way back home.

[concentratedsmartass-fics]

The Devil Made Me Do It

Summary: A fire sends Natalie and Lucifer to stay at a motel, and it definitely wasn’t Lucifer’s fault.

Words: 879

Notes: Don’t know what this is! I had a very vague idea for this one, and I just kind of sped through it so I could get to ‘hell’. Almost caught up. For @natanweek day 6, Motel.

Natalie practically threw her bag on the bed before turning to him, anger burning in her eyes. He could feel the irritation coming off of her in waves, and he couldn’t help the smile that stretched over face.

“Would you care to explain why we have to be in a motel right now?”

“Are you insinuating that you blame me?” He pressed a hand to his chest, feigning hurt.

“Lucifer, look me in the eyes and tell me, with a straight face, that you didn’t start a fire.”

He schooled his face into passivity, looking into her eyes. “Natalie, I--” his lips twitched. “I did not--” He had to bite his cheek to stop the corner of his mouth pulling up. “I didn’t start a fi-” The look on her face had him laughing. “Nope, I tried.”

“What the fuck, Luce.” And oh, her cursing just made it funnier.

Long story short, what had happened was this: he was bored.

He honestly hadn’t meant to set the complex on fire. But once the fire had started, he wasn’t bored anymore, so he couldn’t really find it in himself to regret it. No one had been hurt, no major damage had been done (when had he started caring about that?), and so it was just endlessly hilarious.

Natalie had been at work, and he’d gotten out of a meeting with some demons hours before he’d thought he would. When he’d gotten home, Natalie had still been out, so he had to find something to entertain himself.

He’d decided to go out on a walk, and that’s when he’d spotted an electrical box, a key hanging out of the door, leaving it slightly ajar. Whoever was working here must have gotten distracted and walked away, or had already finished and just simply forgotten. Either way, Lucifer had found an opportunity to appease his boredom.

His goal had been to cause a power outage. Instead, he’d found a box of wires that were severely neglected, and he’d managed to do something to one of them that had started a fire. It wasn’t his fault that fires catch more easily in the summer. He didn’t think he could even be entirely to blame for the fire, either. He’d barely touched anything and the fire had started. The fire likely would have started if he hadn’t come along, possibly even on its own, without anyone touching the wires at all.

Still, watching people hear the alarms go off and flee their apartments, watching them huddle outside as they looked for the source of the fire, the ensuing chaos... it was easily the highlight of his day.

Considering how much he snickered anytime someone was wailing about “what would they do”, it didn’t take long for Natalie to figure out the basics of what had happened.

The fire itself had been stopped in short order, but the complex had been declared unsafe until the wiring could get looked at, so here they were in a nearby motel.

“Well? Are you going to explain?”

“I demonstrated to the tennants the danger that the complex posed to them.”

“Oh, that is such bullshit.”

That set off another fit of laughter, and she glared at him, looking like she was trying to stab him with her eyes. It wasn’t a look she wore often, and he knew he should stop laughing but really, who could blame him?

“I thought you were done doing evil things.” The anger had bled from her voice, and she sounded almost... disappointed? No, that wouldn’t do at all. That was significantly less funny.

“I am.”

“Then why are we in a motel, Lucifer? Why did you start a fire?”

“It was an accident.”

“An accident? Really? That’s the best you could come up with?”

“When was the last time I lied to you, kid?” She narrowed her eyes, studying him. He wasn’t laughing anymore, wasn’t so much as grinning. “I wanted to turn off some lights. The fire was an accident. It was supposed to be a stupid fucking prank.”

She sighed and nodded, the anger draining out of her like air being let out of a balloon. “Fine. Let’s just... go to bed.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry for saying you were doing evil things.”

“I’m the devil, kid. I’m supposed to do evil things.”

She frowned, shaking her head. “That doesn’t mean you do. You’re more than just Satan. You care, and people who care don’t do evil things, and I shouldn’t have said that.”

He shrugged. How she had so much faith in him never ceased to amaze him. She had always treated him like he was something more than his past, like he was someone worthy of the adoration she showed him. She was already on her way down a spiral of guilt for even suggesting he was anything less, and he had to put a stop to it. “The devil made you do it.”

She froze, trying to glare at him for the joke, even as her lips twitched. “Really?”

“What? I’m the devil, and you were responding to my actions. The devil literally made you do it.”

She threw her head back and was laughing, the rest of the tension leaving her body like it had never been there.

[florafaunaandeldritchhorrors]

instead of a chapter this week, here’s my writeup of how the first session of DIE went with my group. (sorry) (hopefully this is as entertaining)

In 2007, Tomb of the Worm King, a high fantasy-in-space mmorpg, launched. Three months later, it closed before the Worm King raid was even released. During the beta, the developers grouped testers together into artificial guilds... and after the game fell apart, our group of testers tried to homebrew a trpg system in order to keep playing. Needless to say, it didn’t go well. 

It’s 2027 now. 

Below the cut: everything my players are not allowed to read. Starting with the DM prep I did, if you’re planning a game and just want to read that.

Prep:

It wasn’t feasible for me to bring my laptop to the space where we play, so I had to try to write down everything that I wanted to remember for the session that wasn’t already on the cheat sheets. 

Things I ended up needing that I prepped: short versions of who to give the archetypes to, the long list of monster special abilities to create a custom fallen on the fly, rules for the Dictator targeting multiple people, melee/close/medium/far range rules.

Things I prepped and didn’t need this time, but probably will: God Debt rules, other ways to bring a Fallen back (taking memories sounds rad).

Things I forgot and wished I had written down: That the Neo’s systems coming online is supposed to be dramatic and have visual effects, that the book recommends offering a major miracle in the first encounter.

For Fair Gold, I tried to clean some pennies but ended up tarnishing them. Luckily, the person who’s condo complex we play at had some gold spray paint and we did that after the first session. For cheat tokens, I’m using popsicle sticks marked on one side, because the world’s oldest board game used them instead of dice, and Kieron says he like using weird dice but it gets confusing. 

Oh, and we ended up making folded name thingies for our personas, like we were still in middle school. That was a good idea.

The Cast:

Franz Gibson, a volunteer firefighter who quit his job as an accountant after he found out his wife was cheating on him with his boss. Has twin 7-year old boys who he misses terribly, and only weekend visitation. Was 17 in 2007. Playing Whylock the Enlightened, a Godbinder. Core desire: feels out of place in real life, more out of place in the game.

Sophia Twist, a Dickensian orphan who was 12 in 2007 but pretended to be 17. Inspired by Tomb of the Worm King, went to school to become a computer scientist, but decided not to go into game dev and became a cyber security expert. Playing Intel, a Neo. Core desire: I’m guessing her parents.

AJ Bryant, a culture reporter by day and youtuber by... afternoon? Started as a Let’s Play channel, but came out as a trans man and started transitioning a few years into it, and ended up doing a lot of leftist reactions to current events. Was 16 in 2007. Broke up with his boyfriend of over 4 years just under a year ago, and spent six months completely out of it. Playing Jett, a Dictator. Core desire: wants the privacy he was denied when he became a minor internet celebrity young.

Thomas Bryant, an accountant who hates being called Tommy. Was 14 in 2007, which made him the group baby. Worked at Walmart for a long time, but eventually went back to school to get his current job. Has been on and off with his boyfriend Michael for four years, and was planning to break up again, except Michael’s mom just died. Ouch. Playing Genevieve, an Amazement Knight. Core desire: not sure, but maybe boredom? Boredom got him to go back to school, and he is playing a knight of surprise.

Tripp Declan, a skeezy used car salesman and former frat boy. Was 17 in 2007. The less said about his attitude towards women the better, but his core drive is a fear of getting older. Playing Flip, the magnificent Fool.

Elena Forbes, who in 2007 was 21 and secretly a developer monitoring the group’s dynamics. After Tomb of the Worm King shut down, revealed her true identity to the group. Recently laid off just before a game shipped, so her name won’t be in the credits, so she can’t claim the game on her resume. Many years ago, warned Sophia not to go into game dev. Artistically frustrated. The Master, of course. 

Yes, I named my persona by mashing up two characters from The Vampire Diaries, knowing no one else at the table had ever watched it. 

(setting it in 2027 turned out to be a mistake, because whenever I prod people for popular culture they get vague because we don’t know what people in 2027 will be watching/reading/playing. but also, most of our players were 10 years old in 2007, and pushing back our teenage years back too far would be weird. and I wanted that where-did-my-life-go feeling from the comic.)

The Session:

During persona generation, I make sure to say Elena lives in a place with a space like the room we were playing in. I also take the hit as the person who falls prey to the Geek Social Fallacies enough not to kick Tripp out for being a creep. There’s an interesting divide between the players who work out their personas aloud and the ones who want to have a nearly-finished product before they say anything.

During character creation, when Tripp reads the beginning of the Fool’s character sheet aloud everyone groans at “their friends have to deal with the consequences”. This will probably happen with a lot of groups, if you give the Fool to the obvious candidate.

We ordered food in between persona generation and character creation, but we actually ate it in between character creation and getting sucked into the game world. This worked out great because doing character creation entirely in character was a bit much for me, so we ended up eating dinner as our personas instead. Turns out Franz has the same nut allergy as his player, but his sons love peanut butter. A modern tragedy.

After being sucked into the fantasy world, Elena transforms into Vesuvia, High Priestess of the Worm King and recognizable NPC from the old game. I don’t highlight that she transforms after grabbing her die hard enough, and have to make the other dice glow in order to prompt my players. Thomas tries to grab Tripp’s die when they’re the only two left, and I almost want to let it happen, but then I imagine running  Tripp as an Amazement Knight and... nope. 

Before the fighting starts, Thomas’s sword tells him to look at the door opposite the one the Fallen use to enter, ensuring that he’s surprised. I don’t give him a disadvantage on initiative, but when he ties with someone, I make him go second.

The first encounter reskins the Fallen as the Xenomorph ripoffs from Tomb of the Worm King’s starting zone, except they’re cybernetic in a way they weren’t before. After the first round of combat, a knockoff Xenomorph queen appears—the final boss of the only raid that the game launched with. Elena’s sent it as part of the first encounter to demonstrate that she’s done with old content. It’s time to get to newer things.

The Neo hasn’t read her character sheet completely and is very surprised when I tell her she has a slot in the back of her neck. Her AI System is more fun to act as than the Knight’s “aggressive” sword. The Lady of Ashes—the Godbinder’s fire god—is more fun than either. (Luckily he only casts fire spells this session, so I get some time to think about his other two gods: Brightbearer and the Master of Windows.)

After they defeat the Fallen, Thomas opens the door his sword pointed out to him earlier revealing... the Academy, part of the game’s starting zone. End of session. We go spray paint some coins.

Plans:

Give Sophia a chance to save her parents. Give Franz a chance to one-up James. Tempt Tripp with beautiful women. Unsettle AJ with the fact that as a Dictator, he doesn’t have any more privacy here than in the real world. 

Tomb of the Worm King didn’t give the players spaceships, just teleportation pads for jumping between planets. Give players a choice between hopping between pads to get to the final encounter or going overland to find and defeat those guarding the pad that brings them straight there. They’ll encounter similar encounters, but with different texture.

During the final encounter, Elena reveals that Vesuvia was always supposed to defect and help the players defeat the Worm King. All they need to do is agree to stay, and they can finish the raid, and then keep playing. Keep playing forever. Oh, and she’s not going to agree to leave.

[excitedneuron]

Finished Reading: American Psycho

I really enjoyed this book. Haven’t read a book that gave me such intrigue and curiosity to keep reading like this book for a while. I’m surprised and slightly disappointed it is only 3.8/5 stars on Goodreads but then, I suppose the level of graphic violence must have put off a lot of readers. For me, being the slightly morbid reader I am, I was impressed by the graphic writing. The writing style was clear and crisp, you could easily grasp the distinct voice of Patrick Bateman when he begins to narrate the story. Interestingly, the story does not start with Patrick narrating. Instead, it begins in third person describing a conversation between Tim Price and his unnamed companion (which a few pages later on turns out to be Patrick). It is interesting we don’t instantly get inside Patrick’s head, it is only a few pages in the story suddenly turns into the first person voice of Patrick Bateman. I think of the first pages demonstrating Patrick’s detachment from where he is in the moment of the scene, which is a recurring theme throughout the book.  For me, I almost felt tricked by Patrick and by the author; I fall into the trap of trying to like Patrick. It’s easy to be fascinated by psychopaths, and with that fascination comes a sprout of attatchment to this monstrous character.  Scenes where I am especially having feelings of amicability for Patrick are ones where he appears to show disgust or boredom for the rich, boring individuals he surrounds himself with. Blandness is at the core of their culture, and the fact that Patrick deviates from this blandness into psychopathy makes me more accustomed to liking him. This is of course before I have encountered any of the killing/sex scenes. 

My opinion of Patrick drastically changes when the author vividly describes Patrick’s murders. He commits acts so sickly and horrifying it blows my mind how the author founds the inspiration to physically write these descriptions. As horrific as they are, I also must commend the author; enabling a reader to physically cringe over a passage of words is an achievement. It is a skill, a craft to write so vividly. The story has no clear trajectory, instead of chapter numbers each chapter name describes the scene which Patrick finds himself in. These scenes can be months,days even hours apart. I liked this style, for one thing it allowed me to tell what each chapter would be about from the title.However, there is no clear “plotline”, the book is merely describing points in time of Patrick’s life in his perspective.  It’s only during the killing scenes that I realise how warped Patrick’s mind really is. When he kills, he does not hold back at all. Despite having rigorous exercise and facial hygeine routines, when it comes to willpower over committing murder and other attrocities, Patrick really does struggle to control his willpower. Willpower or not, Patrick takes pleasure out of these acts, (as much as experiencing pleasure is possible for a psychopath like himself), it continues to hold his interest unlike the majority of things in his life (people, materialism). 

Something mildly frustrating about American Psycho is the lack of depth the story goes into Patrick’s backstory. We find out very little about his backstory and past, which I imagine the author made sure of intentionally to keep Patrick more ambiguous and mysterious. Thus it is hard to deduce the extent to which we can blame his psychopathy on his genes or family or whether it is in fact due to the rich and bland culture he grew up in. It is likely to be a mixture of both, the details that we do grasp of his past are all connotated with evil and immorality. He rapes his “maid” at only 14 years old, a detail only briefly mentioned in the book, but totally jarred me. If at 14 he is capable of sexual assault, it is almost no wonder he becomes the person he does by the time he is 27. We also are shown a scene between Patrick and his younger brother Sean. It is made obvious that Sean is more successful than Patrick, such as his abillity to easily get seats at the restraunt “Dorsia”. Dorsia is Patrick’s enemy, he can never get seats at this restraunt no matter how hard he tries yet his brother secures them easily. Whilst this seems trivial, it highlights 2 important facts. Patrick feels insecure compared with his brother. And his brother is “higher up” than Patrick. I wondered when reading the scene between Patrick and his brother, how similar Patrick’s brother might be to Patrick, could he too have psychopathic traits? It is not made obvious, but I would presume that Sean could easily be a psychopath too but unlike Patrick does not need to murder. After all, not all psychopaths are murderers. As well as his brother, we are also shown a scene between Patrick and his Mother. Patrick visits his Mother in hospital, though mostly shows detatchment throughout the visit and is described looking at his hair through most of the visit; he is naturally more concerned with his appearance than with his Mother. The conversation between Patrick and his Mother shows very little other than the fact they have a poor relationship. I would imagine that Patrick and his relationship with his father would be most interesting of all his family relationships. Sadly, we find out the least about his father. Patrick describes his father’s eyes as cold and lacking emotion, traits the reader easily would match with Patrick’s own personality. I think it would be a fair statement to say that potentially, the psychopathy runs in the Bateman family. Another interesting detail is that Patrick does not need to work, one of his ex-girlfriend’s Bethany mentions, the Bateman family business must be so rich that the fact Bateman is working seems odd to Bethany. Patrick argues that he works anyway to keep up appearances. 

Appearances are a huge theme in the book. It is because of Patrick’s appearance, his status as well as his good looks which make him seem like the most unlikely to commit murder. Patrick’s “appearance” essentially shields him from having to face the justice system/police like an ordinary middle classed person would. He is protected by his lawyers as well as his appearances. In one especially iconic scene, Patrick claims he murdered “Paul” but this particular man cannot believe him simply because he is sure he has seen Paul in London. He hasn’t of course, the problem with Patrick’s wall street life is that everyone looks the same; people are constantly mistaken for others; this is pure normalcy in their circle. People who have only watched the movie argue that this scene is proof that all the murders were in Patrick’s head. Perhaps one could make that argument for the film, but I would passionately disagree that is the case for the book as well. One of my favourite quotes from the book and film, which really epitomises the theme of appearances is when patrick in his head says “The inside...doesn’t matter”. Because for Patrick all his life, this has been the case. It doesn’t matter that on the inside he is a monster. Even the fact that he commits these monstrous acts doesn’t matter because they could never be associated with him. He is utterly shielded by his appearances, and perhaps part of him wants to be caught; he after all knows how easily he is protected by his status.

As evil as Patrick is, it is clear that the people around him aren’t much better. I would argue Patrick is the physical manifestation of an accumulation of the sins, evils and immoralities of the wallstreet, the rich and the bland. Another scene that especially sticks out to me is one between a taxi driver and Patrick. The driver has recognised Patrick from a “wanted poster” with his face on it; he realises Patrick is the one who murdered “Sully”, a likely close friend of the driver’s. The obvious outcome was that the driver would ring the police; he had a gun whilst Patrick only had a knife, he was the one in control of the situation. But instead, the driver demands Patrick hand over his watch and credit card. Because there was no “reward prize/money” for finding Patrick, the driver had sought out his own reward. This scene for me, suggests that Patrick might never get caught. Money plays a far bigger role than justice. Having said that, as the story progresses Patrick becomes increasingly sloppy in his killings, his perfect “mask” constantly slipping at the wrong moments so I suppose I could counter that if Patrick continued in this downward trajectory he would get caught.

I did not expect to find myself writing what feels like so much about this book. I really enjoy it a lot. The writing style, the characters, the themes. All gold. I’d easily give this book 5 stars out of 5.  

[johannesviii]

The Adventuress of Henrietta Street

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (The Adventuress of Henrietta Street).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

“Let’s wish for something simpler next time. I need a break.” (me, right after reading Grimm Reality)

OH SHIT OH PLEASE NO NOT NOW. NOT. NOW.

This is not what I wanted.

I’m not going to make any friends here, first because I’m sure this book has a ton of fans, and second because I don’t dislike it for the reasons you might expect. Sure, it sidelines Fitz and Anji, sure, the ideas aren’t as numerous or groundbreaking as the ones in Alien Bodies and Interference, sure, the pace is extremely slow, sure, it does some debatable things with the internal logic of the series, and yes, sure, it mostly takes place in a brothel. But while these things can be considered problems, they’re not real problems to me. Some of the most creative things in this story are actually possible thanks to them.

No. I have a problem with the way this story is written and framed. And I can already hear someone saying something like "what, is the academic style too much for your small brain?", but I actually think it doesn’t go far enough with its fake academic style.

By all means, write a fake pseudo-academic paper! Invent a ton of fake sources and names! Write horribly long digressions in footnotes until they eat up the rest of the page! Analyse this story like a bad history student and put on paper some really weird conclusions about it- most of them probably wrong. Even if you don’t go all out and write House of Leaves lite, at least write Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell lite, please. Have. fun. with. it.

But it’s not written like a fake master thesis, because there’s no sources, no footnotes, no actual goal or real analysis (right or wrong), and in the end, it’s mostly written like a normal novel, except it has a very flat tone and often digresses to talk about historical events. Reading Henrietta Street is not like proof-reading a badly organised master thesis written by a dispassionate student: it’s like trying to read a novel buried under piles of gratuitous infodumps. And that’s a real shame, because there’s an interesting story somewhere in there. 4,5/10

Okay, this is interesting.

That’s VERY cool.

That part made me laugh pretty hard.

Apparently the biggest danger that sex workers face in their line of work is accidentally summoning demons, and that also made me laugh pretty hard.

I’m not sure this is supposed to be funny, but it sure is.

Aaaaaaand she actually summoned a demon by accident and that guy was killed. Okay.

That’s very nice but there’s a distressing lack of footnotes and fake references in that pseudo-academic book. Also if there’s no quote from the dream journal (or if there’s some, but boring), I will riot.

Okay, first, I have to say Scarlette sounds incredible.

Second, I immediately pictured her like Mylène Farmer’s 18th century libertine persona, except with black hair.

This is probably a bad thing.

Oh my god

Ah, I was starting to wonder where our main idiot was.

Please tell me Eight is fencing with Scarlette. PLEASE.

YESSSSS Oh my god what a wonderful mental picture.

SCARLETTE, NO.

WAIT WTF EIGHT HAS A BEARD NOW?!

Ooohhh, he has finally discovered where he was from and probably what happened to Gallifrey! Interesting!

We already kinda knew that was what made The City of the Dead and its magic possible, but it’s always nice to have a clear confirmation.

I’M HOWLING

"Hello I’m the Doctor, can I stay here" "Sure"

So he’s looking for magicians. And clearly doing some research. I have to ask, though: where are Anji, Fitz and the TARDIS?

Meanwhile, on "The Doctor Is Asexual", episode 75647

These books have recently acquired a strange taste for tarot reading.

Wait, the Doctor is sick?

That’s all very interesting but could you please hurry up a little bit?

Again, I wish this kind of fake document had fake sources and/or footnotes to accompany it.

Again, I wish there was a fake drawing and a fake source there.

Interesting.

Also... is it bad if I’d like to read that book instead of the one I’m currently reading?

So the demons actually look like apes. Uh.

How much do you want to bet these creatures were inspired by this painting?

I love this dialogue.

What is your plan and what the hell are you trying to do.

"When Scarlette asked reasonably what on Earth she thought she was doing"

I laughed out loud at this awful, awful typo in French. That should be "par les couilles" and the level of sheer incompetence on display here is worse than any misused French ever printed in these books (yes, even the non-sentences of The Turing Test).

If you don’t speak the language, don’t pretend you do & send it to an editor anyway. You already know I don’t speak English very well, but you don’t see me trying to get my English typos printed in a book costing actual money and bought by actual people.

What are you trying to achieve.

Well you’re not wrong.

FINALLY

This is a wonderful little scene.

"It’s worth stopping" YEAH YOU THINK

WAIT WHAT, THEY DIDN’T ARRIVE WITH THE TARDIS

WHAT’S GOING ON

Another wonderful mental image.

Okay so I think that’s an important character. I don’t think anyone spoiled me anything too important about this book, but I’m pretty sure this guy comes back later.

The fact I didn’t stop to consider how awkwardly Fitz would behave in a brothel is all you need to prove how innocent minded I tend to be

This would be so much better if it was either written completely like a fake academic work or completely like a novel, because this weird hybrid thing isn’t working.

CUTE

How much do you want to bet he did a James Bond impression.

Fitz no.

Also this is a pretty great scene.

Is that a compliment or an insult

Oh. So he was looking for magicians of sorts who could act as a replacement for the Time Lords?

Anji as a prophet and a force of nature is a marvellous thought.

"But they had a tendency to giggle every time [Fitz] walked past"

Okay, I guess Sabbath is bad news, then.

 Is Sabbath actually human? Because if he’s a Time Lord survivor, that would explain a lot of things.

Probably panic.

It’s not a real EDA until someone is coughing up blood

Or because this book is clumsily organised.

And here’s another typo in French (éventrés).

Also who is that random guy with a rosette and why is he, like, metaphorically eating popcorns in the background?

Is that battleship a TARDIS?

It’s completely anachronistic, so it could very well be.

A question you could be asking yourself in quite a lot of these books, Doctor.

Take a shot every time an adjective reminds you that Sabbath is fat.

I’M HOWLING

Ohhhh is it his fault because he destroyed Gallifrey? Is that it?

What the fuck are you two talking about.

So the wedding is some sort of ritual? What?

What inspired the author to sit down and write this book also remains unclear.

That still sounds wonderful and I’d gladly read that book if it existed. Although it’s easy to picture it like some sort of Codex Seraphinianus variant.

A strange way to talk about regeneration, but a pretty cool one.

Of course, Doctor, of course.

Why is the author so fucking terrified by this very mundane detail about women.

"Assassin" as a noun doesn’t have a feminine equivalent so this is yet another typo in French.

Ohhh, is he trying to rebuild a TARDIS? Where is the real TARDIS, anyway?

You really don’t want Anji to have any kind of major role in that story, do you?

So this is what the ‘horizon’ is like. I like the black sun thing. Well okay it’s a bit of a goth cliché, but still.

I SPAT OUT MY TEA

DON’T MAKE ME THINK OF BETTER STORIES

And I’m pretty sure this would be a lot more dramatic if this book was written like a novel OR like a cold academic piece, but it’s neither, so it just sounds disinterested.

At least we have excerpts from the dream journal mentioned at the beginning!

...we know. It’s a very, very mundane thing, dude. It happens when a lot of women are living together. It happens in nunneries too. There’s nothing magical or evil about it, and this is getting very ridiculous.

Recently, in one of these liveblogs, I was wondering how many stories had living planets in Doctor Who and particularly in the EDAs... so I’m glad somebody else thought it was a recurring theme as well.

No seriously who the fuck is this guy.

Okay okay I laughed pretty hard.

I seriously doubt that.

138 PDF pages, and next to nothing has happened yet, apart from a lot of exposition.

Yes okay but could you please do something with this idea instead of just exposing it layer after layer?

A bit too meta for my taste, but still enjoyable.

Again, more explanations for this very cool concept, but nothing new.

Okay. Now do something.

We knew this already. Now do something with it.

An interesting parallel but the book still refuses to do anything with its ideas at this point.

Meanwhile, nothing happens.

YOU DON’T SAY

OH. Okay. At least we know the purpose of that wedding thing now.

It’s… very weird, honestly. I mean, the Doctor never really had ‘roots’ with Gallifrey, he hated the place (in Classic Who, at least – and in New Who as soon at it existed again) and tried to get away from it as soon as he could. But hey, fluidity in canon and all that, so why not. Can’t say I like it, but yeah, why not.

Meanwhile the Doctor gets worse and worse and Fitz finds yet another girlfriend "out of boredom"- which is understandable at this point.

Usually I would be like "OH NO" but since something is happening at last, I’m like "OH MY GOD, FINALLY"

Wait wait wait.

You know I try to avoid spoilers for these books but I couldn’t avoid this one. So.

Is this the book where Eight loses a f█cking HEART

I WISH

And now the Babewyns have a leader, since you persisted to do nothing.

Again, I wish this book was full of fake sources for this kind of things.

Good description of the TARDIS’ sound!

Finally, someone’s doing something about the Babewyns! Go Scarlette!

I like this detail.

WAIT A F█CKING SECOND

IS THAT THE MASTER

IS THE MASTER JUST CHILLING IN THE BACKGROUND OF THIS STORY WITH POPCORNS WHILE WAITING FOR THE SHIT TO HIT THE FAN

Okay, so the wedding plans had to be changed and now the bride will be Scarlette.

And the Master is drinking in the background, like:

Eh eh, so Moffat wasn’t the first one to think about this!

Take a shot every time an adjective reminds you that Sabbath is fat.

Holy shit, Scarlette rules.

And this is very sweet.

Well you’re not wrong.

Eight you are literally dying, there is no shame in using a wheelchair, okay

This is a great mental picture.

I’m pretty sure "howl of laughter" wasn’t the intended reaction, but I’m sorry, he kissed Scarlette and instantly started the apocalypse, I can’t stop laughing

You know what, just for fun, I am going to pretend this is a post-apocalyptic version of the Library of the Serpent’s Hand from the SCP mythos.

Ooooooh boy.

YEP. YEP, YOU ARE THE MASTER. YOU LITTLE SHIT.

At least he’s being reasonable for once.

How very convenient for you.

Yes I was about to ask, could you please hurry up and die already?

OH SHIT JULIETTE HANGED HERSELF.

YEAH YOU THINK

ISN’T THAT OBVIOUS WTF

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

FDSDFGHFDSGHFDFH I KNEW IT

To be honest, this book is FINALLY getting intense and interesting.

WELP, FITZ ISN’T THE LEADER ANYMORE, BYE BYE FITZ

YOU DON’T SAY

Bye bye, Master.

You weren’t very useful, were you.

YOU DON’T SAY

This place looks terrifying in my head.

Finally, FINALLY, this book is gripping.

But it took the Doctor, literally dying on the floor, in a pool of black blood, in a post-apocalyptic dimension for it to become gripping.

Or just a self-insert.

OHHHH HERE IT COMES, FOLKS.

Ah yes, one last typo in French, just because.

YOU DON’T SAY

Hey, isn’t that the cover?

SFSDFGHGFDHHHH ONE OF YOUR HEARTS WAS LITERALLY TORN AWAY FROM YOUR DYING BODY FIVE MINUTES AGO, CAN YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN FOR A SECOND BEFORE CHALLENGING GIANT MONSTERS IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH

Hi happy Eight, we missed you!

YES BUT SCARLETTE WITH A SWORD IS AMAZING

Holy shit, Eight.

Holy shit dude.

I hope Scarlette isn’t really dead.

Apparently she is. F█ck.

There’s hugs, though. Hugs are always good.

DOCTOR WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT

OH SHIT SCARLETTE FAKED HER OWN DEATH

And she’s still pretty great, too.

How very convenient for you.

EXTREMELY OMINOUS.

Phew. I’m glad this book is over. It was just as exhausting as the previous one, although in completely different ways.

[skateurgency]

Netflix Death Note 2/10

I watched this POS. I watched all of it. I forced a friend to watch it with me because I couldn’t go through it alone.

I couldn’t go more than 5 minutes without pausing it to sCREAm at how poorly it captured the original. I dented my wall guys. I became so enraged seeing one of my favorite series brought this low. It destroyed its source material and left behind the worst adaptation yet of Death Note and just an all around poor quality film. If you haven’t seen Death Note and are afraid of spoiling the source material with this film, don’t worry! Maybe 7% is the same. Maybe. However, there will be spoilers below.

Oh Boy. It was hard to get through. There as just so much wrong with it. Light’s a little bitch. Ryuk is barely there. Misa, aka Mia, is one of the most unlikable charterers I have seen in a long time. Granted, I didn’t care much for Misa Misa in the manga, but Mia took it from indifference to strong dislike. Mr. Turner (Light’s dad in this version. I can’t recall a first name) is such an unlikable man. Also, a plot point is that Light’s mom is dead and he doesn’t have a sister so you know right there that the whole Mellow arc is basically scrapped.

Now I know that this was an “adaptation” of the manga, and an Americanized version. There may have been a few too many creative liberties used because almost nothing followed the source material. It seemed more like a bad high school drama than Death Note. Hell, an important scene takes place at a homecoming dance. Light Yagami (Turner) at a homecoming dance. Talking about the Death Note in BROAD FUCKING DAYLIGHT.

After watching the film I made a comment to my friend that you could have taken out Ryuk from the film and it wouldn’t have changed the plot one bit. Except we would have been spared the scene of Light shrieking in fear and cowering under a desk. If you’ve made a Death Note adaptation that could easily remove the shinigami and nothing would be different, you know that you messed up right there.

Speaking of Ryuk, he is an odd presence in the film. He is no longer bound to the owner of the death note, instead it seems like he comes and goes while he pleases. Also, now he can only be seen by the owner of the death note, not just anyone who touches it. Thus Misa (Mia) can never see or talk to him throughout the film, which leads to some odd exchanges. Unlike the manga Ryuk, this one never goes in to the boredom speech. Remember when Light asks what he did to receive such a great power and Ryuk tells him it was just dumb luck that he picked it up, Ryuk just dropped it because he was bored? Yeah, there was none of that. There isn’t the scene of Ryuk telling Light that if he uses the death note that he won’t go to heaven or hell, and that Ryuk will be the one to kill him in the end. I always liked that scene in the manga, it gave Light’s choices more weight.  Ryuk honestly... doesn’t do much at all. He eats some apples, that’s pretty neat. Ummm... he has a nice line at the very end of the film... I think that’s it, asides from Light screaming or threatening him a few times.

Which really bothered me. Like, REALLY bothered me. This movie screws up shinigami death, along with a lot of the rules of the death note. Light tells Ryuk he’ll write his name down in the death note, and Ryuk just tells him “the most anyone ever got was two letters.” You can’t kill a shinigami by just writing their name down. There’s only a handful of beings that know how to kill one, two of them being Ryuk and Rem, who isn’t in the film at all. Yes, a shinigami can die if thery forget to put names down, but a way to kill one is by having a shinigami extend the life of a human they care for when that human’s life was supposed to be up. Rem’s friend does this for Misa Misa and then brings her his death note per his request. Not like any of that comes up in this film. Misa (Mia) never gets a death note, never becomes the second kira, and never gets there eyes. Because oh yeah, something key like the shinigami eyes and this girl being so in love she quarters her life span for a guy doesn’t make it in to this film.

A few other rules are off though, such as the way ownership works. The film makes it no longer Ryuk’s death note and has a scene about how it will pass from human to human (I don’t remember the specifics and I’m not about to watch it again) after a certain amount of days. I also do not think the owner loses their memory. There’s also this odd clause that if you write a name down but later destroy the page before it happens the death will be cancelled. But you can only do this once. This becomes a major plot point for the film when it isn’t at all in the manga (that I recall. Feel free to correct me on this.) Also, you apparently don’t need the right names because Light fucking writes down Watari as fucking Watari AND IT WORKS. WHAT. WHAT THE FUCK. WHY?

This is getting very long winded because I have a lot of rage, so I’m going to break this down by issues I had with each character and how off they were from their manga counterparts.

L - I’ll start of positive. For the most part, I liked L. The actor was much better than his rival, and made L seem human. His performance was a highlight. My main issue with L was the weird limo scene with some odd neon shades and asking Watari to sing him to sleep. It also upset me that he showed his actual face in a press junket. They focused more on his candy than how brilliant L actually is. Both he and Light don’t seem to be anywhere near as intelligent as they should be. In the film there is scenes of L coping with the loss of a friend that wasn’t in the manga since L and Watari die at about the same time. It was actually nice to see and made L seem a little more warm and human.

Watari - Good actor, gave a good performance. Odd casting choice in my opinion? Watari was one of the few Japanese actors in the cast when he’s playing the only non Japanese character. Watari was an old English gentleman. His name is Quillish Whammy for fuck’s sake. The actor gave the roll a good go, unfortunately it was just written poorly and most of his scenes take place at what looks like an old horror movie set.

Ryuk - I already touched on Ryuk previously. The VA did a fine job, he actually looked pretty decent. Sadly, his lines are all pretty worthless and for the most part he just makes Light nearly piss himself when he shows up.

Mr. Yagami (Mr. Turner) - This man is such a fuck. I disliked him so much. I really respected Yagami in the manga. He made tough decisions and was ready to do what he must to catch Kira. In fact, he quits the police force in near disgrace to fight Kira. That scene where he asks L to confine him as well because his son is confined in suspicion of being Kira? That scene where he is prepared to shoot his son and then himself? His father trading for the eyes but never using the death note on Mellow because he still wants to redeem him? Yagami being a good, developed character? Yeah, none of that. Instead we got tense conversations between him and Light because they don’t like each other. We get him choking L out at a family dinner because L says Light is Kira and Yagami abandoning L to protect his son at all costs. He even finds out his son is for a fact Kira and does nothing. 

Misa Misa Amane (Mia) - Boy did I dislike Misa in this film. The first scene is her being a cheerleader but being too “over life” to do the cheers? God, she is such an unlikeable, uncharasmatic bitch in this film. That’s such a big change from bratty but cute and bubbly superstar model Misa Misa. The actress had very little charm in her delivery. A lot of her scenes were of her trying to convince Light to kill more. A lot of them. Most of her scenes in the later half of the movie. She seemed to be going for a Harley Quinn vibe, complete with a “normal people scare me” hung up in her locker. Misa steals pages from the death note (since she doesn’t have her own) and sneaks behind Light’s back to kill the FBI agents trailing them. She also writes Light’s name down in the death note, to try and gain ownership of it. It honestly seemed like Light and Misa’s personalities were switched from what they were in the manga. Maybe it was to try and make her a strong female character, but it fell flat. What I found was one of the major characteristics of manga Mia was that she loved Light. She would do anything for Light, such as trading for the eyes twice or giving up her death note and memories when Light asks her to. This Misa seems to care much less for Light and more about the death note and killing. It doesn’t make her endearing to the audience, I don’t know what they were trying to do with her.

Light Yagami (Light Turner) - Where to begin. The acting was quite weak. The boy can scream and cry and beg, that’s for sure. However, he’s playing Light. There should have been no need for any of that. If only. I think what upset me most was that this film didn’t make Light seem smart. He does people’s tests for them at school and... that’s it. That’s where you’re supposed to infer that he’s a brilliant top of his class, getting primed for great things. Film version Light isn’t liked at school where as manga Light isn’t super popular, but he has friends. He has girls ask him out a few times. There’s some dialogue between Ryuk and Light about how popular he is with the ladies. Whereas Film Light is pretty much alone except for deranged Misa. There’s also no secrecy about the death note. He fucking has it in his lap during gym class, just chilling there. Misa asks what it is and he shows her how to use it. Just like that. They talk about it and killing people constantly out in public or in classes. It’s so unrealistic. Light doesn’t try to hide anything. On his first time meeting L he confesses to being Kira, just like that. He confesses it to his dad later on as well. He has a few exchanges with Misa about how much he wants to give up the death note and run way together because he loves her. After all, there was a montage of them making out while writing down names, it’s true love. The climax of the movie has Light writing down “if Misa takes the note book from me she will die” and Light telling her “it’s the notebook or me.” She chooses the notebook and you see him sob “I never thought you would take it!! I thought you loved me!!” and it’s so very manga Misa Misa. Light acts like the worst parts of manga Misa. He’s always ready to just give up and cry under a desk. The only good thing he does in this film is kill Misa.

One of the brilliant things Death Notes does is it challenged the reader about what is truly good and evil. Reading it for the first time I remember siding with Light up until he makes the jump to killing anyone after him. Then I was with L and the SPK. But then L dies. The leader of the “good side” dies and Light has his iconic “I win” panel. The whole world turns to Kira in support, and the reader does once again. He won out, he must be the good force after all. Then Near and Mellow show up and once again the reader is unsure of who to support. Mellow uses such underhanded tactics and causes Mr. Yagami’s death so he can’t be good. Near was a little kid so by virtue he had to be good, although personally I dislike Near. L and Mellow grew on me, Near didn’t. At this point Kira can’t be attributed solely to Light as he has Mikami and Misa working for him, but Kira is the bad guy again to the reader. The reader is thrown back and forth with who they support as things develop, but the characters themselves still fully believe that they all are what is good. The side of justice. The SPK thinks that they are in the right by bringing Kira down. Kira thinks that he is right by serving out justice and acting as god. It makes the reader really, really question what they think about right and wrong.

This movie version stripped that away. I never got the feeling that Light believes he is actually doing the right thing. He constantly is questioning their actions and wanting to stop. The viewer never thinks Light is in the right for a second, the viewer never wants him to win. You never have to question is Kira’s justice right or wrong.

I think what sums it up better than I could is the difference between these two scenes (Please note I do not have my copy of the book on hand and I’m not rewatching the film so this is from memory. Words may not be exact but the overall sentence is). In the manga Light comments “They have chosen to call him Kira. I don’t particularly like it as it sounds similar to the American word for killer, which is not what Kira does, he is justice.” In the film, Light states “I chose the name Kira because it’s close to the Japanese word for killer.” There ya go. Light chooses (CHOOSES) the name Kira because it sounds like a nice edgy name that is a word for murderer, which Light views himself as.

Bottom line, don’t watch it unless you too want to be upset. L, Watari, sometimes Ryuk, and the plethora of awful snapchat stickers my friend and I got were the highlights.

 2/10 - just not no chip scene, barely any scenes from the manga.

[gregzillagt]

Gregzilla’s Thoughts on The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Breath of the Wild is a very good game.  Very good.  Great, even.  If you’re a Zelda fan or a fan of open world adventure games then I absolutely recommend it.

I just wanted to make that very clear so I don’t get ravaged for having plenty of negative things to say about it.

(I’ll keep this free of major spoilers, but I think this game is more enjoyable the more blind you go in, so if you want absolutely nothing spoiled then maybe play it before you read this.  If that’s all good, then read on.)

(Reviewing the Nintendo Switch version)

-I am not a fan of open world games, but it’s one of the best open worlds I’ve experienced.  Most open world games nowadays bore the shit out of me, as they’re usually just tons of space without much meaningful content.  Lots of repetition, lots of samey quests, and a severe lack of discovering anything truly special.  BotW doesn’t avoid this entirely, but the beautiful environments, likable and active NPCs, fun abilities, and varied terrain go a long way to making it more fun to explore than its contemporaries.

-Gorgeous visuals, a strong contender for best art style in the series.  When the sun shines on the grassy fields, it creates a beautiful lushness the likes of which I haven’t seen in a game before.  Characters are also much more expressive than Twilight Princess or Skyward Sword, capturing a bit of that Wind Waker charm that I’ve really missed.

-Combat has some great new additions, especially the new Flurry Rush, which rewards you for performing a dodge at the very last second.  It gave me a Platinum games vibe and I hope stuff like this carries over to future games.

-One of the hardest Nintendo games in recent memory, and a complete reversal from the hand-holding of Skyward Sword, which is incredibly refreshing.

-The puzzles in the shrines and dungeons utilize Link’s abilities and the player’s spacial awareness very well to create some fun problem solving situations.  Another breath of fresh air after the dull, tedious challenges of the previous two 3D Zelda games.

-The Master Sword actually feels like a very special goal to work towards, something many of the recent Zelda games really lacked.

-Many of the side quests are fairly engaging.  I particularly enjoyed the quest requiring you to find locations based on pictures (outside of one or two that were overly vague).  In general there were several quests that I felt the need to go out of my way to do, which I can’t say about many side quests in games.

-Voice acting is not particularly good.  Outside of a few good performances, most of the voiced characters sound forced an awkward, like a mediocre anime dub.  Zelda herself, while not a bad actor, has a very unfitting voice - she’s supposed to be around 17 but ends up sounding 30.  I’m glad they tried it once, but unless the quality is upped considerably then I think I’d prefer they stick to text and grunts, or maybe Hylian.

-I was not a huge fan of the main story.  Most of the big events revolve around characters from Link’s past who you don’t really interact with as a player, while there are four perfectly good characters you DO actually go on quests with and are active in your adventure that would have been more satisfying to see stick around in the story.  Additionally, Link is often recognized and hailed as the legendary hero, which is a story element I don’t really enjoy.  Wind Waker Link is really the only one I enjoy as a character, because he (and the player) actually has to prove himself due to his complete lack of legendary status.  BotW brings everything back to “Link is destined to beat the bad thing,” which is pretty tired at this point.  Zelda’s character development via flashbacks was one of the better aspects, as they gave her more conflict and personality than most Zelda incarnations.

-This is probably one of the most boring incarnations of Ganon to date, having basically zero impact on the gameplay experience until you actually go to face him.  Outside of summoning enemies into the world now and again, the world seems to be doing pretty alright even as the demonic pig cloud is hanging around the castle.  The primary motivation is to save Zelda, as well as PREVENT the world from getting its shit rocked, which isn’t a terrible motivation, but certainly pales in comparison to Ocarina of Time, in which you actually get to see the direct results of Ganon’s takeover.  For the most part it’s very easy to forget Ganon’s even there, which doesn’t make him a particularly strong villain.

-The shrines, while having very good puzzle design, feel completely detached from the world.  I’m glad the puzzles themselves are improved, but at times it feels less like I’m playing a Zelda game with better puzzles, and more like I’m playing a Zelda game that temporarily turns into Portal whenever I enter a shrine.  The big open world and the enclosed shrines feel totally separate, and I would have liked to see more of these kinds of puzzles utilized in the actual overworld.  It feels incredibly artificial, and at first it’s not an issue, but as the game went on I found myself getting very bored at the concept of the shrines, as it turned the whole experience into a formula.

-The dungeons are a similar issue.  While they have some of the best puzzle design of any dungeons in the series, they all look basically the same and don’t have much personality.  No dungeon really feels special or standout from the others, they’re all a pretty samey aesthetic.

-The bosses have the same issue as well.  The main bosses of the game all look almost identical and don’t really feel that different, which is one of the biggest disappointments for me.  I also found them incredibly frustrating, doing unreasonable amounts of damage and often attacking erratically, which could often feel like too much to handle considering switching between weapons and shields can be a bit more awkward this time around.

-The final boss is the exception, it feels much more polished and up to the series’ standards, though it was a bit strange how easy it was compared to the dungeon bosses.  I died many, many times on all the other bosses, but I played through the final boss twice and didn’t die once.  Regardless it’s a satisfying finale, probably one of the better ones in the series.

-The scenes BEFORE the dungeons, involving some of the more memorable characters, are very exciting and fun, probably some of the most engaging moments in the game.

-Enemy outposts are fun to take on at first, but it didn’t take long for me to just start ignoring them.  I didn’t find much desire to experiment on ways to take them on when it was usually just a better idea to pick my strongest weapon and wail away, or use bombs and arrows to set them ablaze.  

-This is more of a personal opinion, but I just am not a fan of the emphasis on equipment and picking up tons of items survival game style.  I really just don’t dig when games stuff your inventory full of tons of shit to keep track of.  I much prefer Zelda to leave the RPG elements on the lighter side, and stick to just a few weapons and permanent arsenal upgrades, as I feel that creates a stronger sense of progression and makes every item feel special.  I can see why Nintendo tried the survival game angle, and it certainly has its charm, but I hope they don’t try it again.  I know Zelda is often referred to as an action RPG, but I never wanted the RPG side of that to be that prominent.

-There’s some very fun and likable NPC characters, made even better by having schedules and not just standing around waiting for Link to show up.  Highlights include the painter Pikango, the Sheikah tech lab scientists, and of course Sidon, the internet’s new favorite fish boy crush.

-Optional minibosses in the overworld are a very fun addition, though there’s several of each type, which makes them feel less special.  

-The music is surprisingly sparse for a Zelda game.  Considering the vast open world I can see why they would try this, as the mellow piano tunes certainly compliment the calm atmosphere.  I do wish there were a few more memorable tunes though, because when I think Zelda, I think truly masterful soundtracks.  The Hyrule Castle theme is by far one of my favorite tracks in the series, however.

-Shield surfing is the best.

-Pretty much every NPC species is something we’ve seen before.  Rito, Gorons, Zora, and even Koroks are back.  There’s plenty of likable characters in the bunch, but it would have been nice to visit a region with a whole new species instead of just reusing old ones.

-Finally, while exploring the world is absolutely enthralling for a good while, I unfortunately began to feel my typical huge open world boredom as the hours racked up.  Over time the rewards for exploring began to feel less exciting and more formulaic, which sadly just seems inevitable whenever I play a gigantic game like this.  I just prefer the smaller, tighter, more intimate worlds like Majora’s Mask and A Link Between Worlds, or other games like (shocker) Dark Souls and Bloodborne.  This is more of a personal opinion, again, but I really do gravitate towards games with a more hand-crafted and dense feel, where every single inch has something new and interesting.  BotW certainly comes closer to capturing that feeling than most giant open world games, but in the end when a game is this gigantic, it��s bound to bore me sooner or later.

So there ya have it.  I know this sounded very negative, but just know that I really did have a good time with Breath of the Wild, and I think it represents a very good change of pace in Nintendo’s game design.  The fact that they were so willing to totally rebuild the Zelda experience from the ground up leaves me very hopeful for them to be more adventurous like this in future games as well.  There were plenty of moments I truly enjoyed myself, and it really is a beautiful world to explore.  But for me, I just don’t think bigger is always better.  It’s very much worth playing, and I’m glad Nintendo gave it a go, but it’s not personally my ideal Zelda experience.

[83unsungheroes]

Hello, if we were having a coffee this week, it would be nice to have it inside because this week I’ve been drinking a lot of hot chocolate outside this week.

If you haven’t noticed from my Instagram pictures below or posts over the week, I’ve been away snowboarding this week in Val Thorens in the French Alps.  My snowboarding revolves around not snowboarding… That’s to say that I snowboard to my first hot chocolate, then to my lunch, then to my second hot chocolate, and then back to the chalet for cake.  After having dinner, I then don’t snowboard to the pub.

I’m not one of these people who worries about doing every run, or getting a certain distance or speed throughout the day.  I like to have fun, so I loved the powder on the first day, but not so much when the light was bad.  On the last day I was just pottering around on the snow on the edge of the pistes, working out that it’s far easier to jump off-piste to on than vice versa where I just tended to sink!

One day I put Ski Tracks on on my phone and really went for it, but I’m not sure it was working because it recorded my fastest speed as the first run of the day and I’m sure it wasn’t.  It certainly didn’t feel like it.

I wasn’t that impressed with Crystal who we booked with this time.  I’ve used them before, but this time they didn’t have reps on the transfer bus, they didn’t make breakfast when they said they would so making first lifts was hard, they didn’t know the wifi password for the chalet and they didn’t vacuum the rooms all week… Our chalet hosts were nice enough but the consensus was that it felt like they were there to feed us and go skiing themselves rather than making our holiday.

When they weren’t feeding us, on their night off, I tried snails and a creme brûlée flambéed with génépi.  I wouldn’t have the snails again, although pleased that I tried them.  They were just a bit chewy.  The dessert was lovely.

That wasn’t the first time I had alcohol this holiday.  I was given a shot for helping the waitress collect empty glasses in an aprés bar called Snesko.  It was awesome! The music was great, but they never stopped letting people in so it got stupidly packed.

Other food highlights came from the first day tartiflette which was basically just potatoes with a massive wedge of cheese on top.

I stayed in room number 1, but it did also have a number 3 on the door frame, which annoyed me a little!

I was strangely enamoured by being able to see snow flakes clearly.

I know it feels obvious to say, but when you’re in the mountains it reminds you how big the world is.  All you can see, as far as you can see, is snow and mountains.

I really enjoyed it, but I was ready to come back home.  I’m not sure if it’s home sickness anymore of just boredom.  Maybe even boredom isn’t the right word.  My interest in the new possibilities becomes outweighed by what I could be doing with the additional freedom of being at home.  I’d done some snowboarding, now I wanted to do something else.

Our flight back home was delayed because two people managed to go missing in the airport.  The person picking me up was supposed to be using my season ticket to go with someone else to the match in Liverpool instead, but when they’re friend bottled it, it was decided that they’d pick me up to go to the match with them instead and we’d see how much of it we’d miss.  This was a good job as I picked my back up off the belt at 13.44, and my one and only train back home was leaving the other side of the airport at 13.47.

My head was banging due the altitude changes and the little bit of a cold I had (possibly some dehydration too), but I was walking down the stairs in the stadium just as the game was kicking off, which I think was perfect timing.  Liverpool won 3-0, which is a good way to arrive back home.

I planned on doing somethings last night but it would appear that I fell asleep at around 20.30 having polished off a Chinese takeaway.

Moo was very pleased to see me come home and literally hasn’t left my side since.  He was nudging me for his breakfast before 7am this morning though, so he nearly got put in another room while I slept!

Before I went away I committed to something which will be a major challenge to me, both physically and mentally.  Because of the size of that challenge, I’m not sure I’m going to talk about it too much yet, in case I decide I need more time and change plans slightly.  I’m not saying that because I want to quit already, but there might be a more practical option.  I started the preparation today, though, and it went OK.

Two new Pokémon while I was away.

I hope you’ve had a great week too.  I’ll speak to you next week when I’ve settled back in to normality.

The Coffee With A Bit More About My Holiday Hello, if we were having a coffee this week, it would be nice to have it inside because this week I've been drinking a lot of hot chocolate outside this week.