#one i hate is when people say mortified meaning scared | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kafkaesque22girlfriend · 6 months ago

Text

The Damned Pt.7

Toji Zenin x fem!reader

Synopsis: forced to get in with the Zenin clan by your parents as a servant, Toji Zenin seemed to damn you more than himself….

hi guys i’m back :3 sorry for not updating. i have so many ideas for this fic, pls go back and reread if ur confusedddd. chap is coming after the sexy times that have just ensued :33

blood, sexy stuff, pillowtalk, violence, typical Toji stuff

Toji cleaned you up in the bath after such a passionate night. You were both silent. He dried your hair, dried your body. His gaze didn't align with his soft touch... so he could be gentle?

Interesting.

He was never this attentive to women, but this was something he wanted to do. Toji should have thrown you out right after, he should have been at his wits end and come to his senses- realizing that this was a mistake, a line he shouldn't have crossed.

He laid you on the bed, both of your clothes strewn all over the floor, you flushed at the sight of him.

“Stay with me.” Toji muttered, hoping to God that you wouldn't hear him, but he might as well hold a megaphone to your ear and say it- you listened to him as per usual. You immediately curled into him, resting your head on his chest, Toji was stunned, he didn't know where to put his hands, or what to do with his fingers. He hadn't cuddled before. The revelation was stunting him, he didn't know what to do, any of his upcoming actions were on instinct and should be considered pure, right? Toji reluctantly put his arms around you and brought you tighter to his chest, he hesitantly stroked your hair, enjoying the way such softness felt under his calloused fingers.

“Just for tonight. But that's all, I'm throwing you out in the morning." He said gruffly, he was contemplating the risks right now but he just wanted to feel a body without it hurting him.

You nod reluctantly as you agree. He was right and you loathed it, but this stolen moment would be something to be cherished along the twisted path borne of Zenin hate. “Can I ask you something?” You whisper softly. Your soft padded fingertips traced the little scars littered on Toji's chest.

He couldn't help his eyes widen as you so casually yet so intently thumbed at his scars. This was the first time in a long time that someone had asked about his scars. Normal people within the clan, the chambermaids, the gardeners, the cooks were afraid to even look because of the fear of being reprimanded by him. But you...you weren't scared. You were curious, he liked that about you. But he knows that you'll die because of it. “Ask away...” He said lazily.

“Do you have the same nightmare every night?” You mutter, your solemn tone pierced his ears as your words hang in the air. You were obviously referring to last night when you found him thrashing in his bed, he almost broke your hand because of it, the purple stain on your skin meant nothing to the stain you wished to know- the one burdening his mind. You wondered if he went through the same torment every night.

Suddenly he glared at you with cold steely eyes and gripped your wrists to stop you from touching his scars. “Don't.” Toji said firmly.

You were mortified. “I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry.” You murmur under your breath, he could tell it wasn't on purpose but he still felt agitated because of it. He watched as your face flinched, he had to take a minute to process things and in the end, he finally spoke.

“It's fine.. Just don't touch them again. Never. Do you understand?”

“I'm sorry.” I understand. You whisper, you knew he was protecting himself from you, he doesn't want toopen up and you understood that. But it was difficult for you to let go. He looked so scared that night, he grabbed your wrist so hard that the bruise was still in full bloom. Your eyes flit to your wrists to inspect it as you remember the event. "You were so scared... I've never seen you that scared before.” You mumbled as concern etched over every perfect feature.

Toji tensed up. He was ashamed of what he had done, the way he had acted, the fact he still had fears at all. He had never felt guilt in this way before, it seemed like you were guiding him through multiple firsts. “I'm sorry... for hurting you.”

"No!" You blurted absentmindedly. You clear your throat as your eyes lock with his. “No. It's not your fault at all.” Toji hated it, hated how you said such meaningful things as if it was a casual thing. It wasn't. Your mind reeled to what else he could have done last night, he could have killed you.

Toji's hands wrapped around your sides to keep your body pressed against him. He felt quite protective of you at the moment and he was becoming more and more confused, more and more unravelled by every passing minute. He couldn't explain it but it felt too comfortable. “Don't feel scared when you're with me…stop trembling…it’s pathetic..”

You frown at his words, why was he making this an uphill battle. A war waged on no-one? You sigh and roll over to your side, facing away from him.

“ I'm not scared...I'm just cold.” You reply firmly, growing abit tired and confused at all of this. Tonight was overwhelming to say the least.

Toji groaned in irritation, not wanting to deal with this little huff. “What are you so scared of? You're shaking like you're trying not to freeze to death. Are you...are you that afraid of me?” For a split second moment, a small hole pierced through his heart: Are you scared of him? Are you pretending not be?

“No. I'm not afraid.” You say simply, yet you weren't giving your thoughts away in the process. Toji was getting more and more irritated at the fact that you were making this difficult for him. He sighed and put his palm on your back. "If you're not afraid of me, I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me... I want to see the truth."

Your ears perked up at the sudden declaration, you turned your head to look him in the eyes, almost as if you were challenging him. “Do you want me to be afraid of you? Is that it?” You say softly, sadness dampening your features, you weren't scared, you were sad.

“If you want me to give you a reason to be afraid of me, I can do just that.” His jaw clenched, his hands flexed and it's obvious that he wasn't lying-

You turn back over to face him and after a few moments of silence and deep pondering, you sighed, a serious look covering your face. “ I'm trying to understand you. All I want is to be close to you, but you're making that really difficult when you keep pushing me away like this.”

His eyes widened slightly and the stern expression on his face softened just a bit. You hit him in just the tender spot and he didn't like how he was acting, he was ashamed of it. Toji didn't understand what he was feeling so he reverted to the only thing he could comprehend other than violence and hatred, he pushed you away. “Right...” He said lowly.

You avert your gaze from his, trying to figure out what to see to get through the cold exterior of his bloodied heart. You sigh, he didn't need to be reprimanded, he needed warmth. "I'm sorry I pushed you." You whisper. We don't have to talk about this. This is the only night we can spend together... So can I hold you?" You compromise, why should you waste a night in bed arguing? You wanted to hold him, one last time.

Toji let out a groan, your body was like velvet under his scarred fingers, your lips like rose petals. He won't ever have this ever again. He won't ever have you ever again, so why should you both argue? Toji didn't want to get too attached to you in a short amount of time... but it seemed that he really didn't have that much of a choice, and he could tell that his heart wasn't listening to his brain...he didn't want to let go of you at all. “Please….Just don't touch my scars.” His voice was almost desperate, pleading.

Toji looked gorgeous right now, his dark hair ruffled, his chest rippling, the pale moonlight dimly exposing every chiselled feature on his perfectly sculpted face, his scar quirking with every move of the lips you so passionately kissed. He pulled you close when he noticed your probing, that curious look on your face he couldn't deny. He wondered what it would be like to fuck your face, the thought was certainly intoxicating, yet he couldn't have it. The atmosphere was far too sensually charged for something as vulgar as that. You looked like an angel, it disgusted him. You rest your chin on his bare chest, refraining from touching any of his scars. You sigh softly and lean into his jaw. “I really enjoyed tonight...” You whisper.

Toji let out a husky grunt, your sweet breath tickled his skin. "You're getting pretty close...C’mere...let me kiss you.”

You pressed your fingers against his lips, softly stroking his lips, carefully avoiding the scar on his lip. "I like the way you press up against me...” He muttered against your fingertips, he fell so deeply into your eyes, he felt like he was protecting you from the whole world in his arms- like he's the only one that can protect you.

He moved your hand from his lips and immediately grabbed you by the nape of your neck. Toji put his mouth to yours, a sensual and deep kiss that stole the air out of your lungs. His hands buried into your hair, his face scrunched up in desperation, like your kiss was the breath of life in his world of death, your tongues melded into one. He pulled you onto his lap, Toji's warm palms lifted up his shirt that you were wearing. Your skin was like heaven, he kissed your neck and collarbone, he sucked on your breasts and nipples as your hands raked through his hair.

“Toji….hah…” You gasp softly, his passion was unrelenting. He pulled back and searched your eyes for an answer, a sign, to find something that he couldn't find within himself. “What are you doing to me?" He said through a strained breath, his words hung heavy in the air.

What were you doing to him...

He was weak for it

He hated it.

Toji could feel your body relaxingin his arms as it slowly made its way to laying on his chest. You nuzzled into his neck and you were pretty much fully exhausted and ready to go to sleep. Toji let out a hesitant deep breath as he let his eyes close. He had you in his arms, there was this overwhelming urge to keep you safe, he always wanted to protect you, this was his way of showing you that he had never felt his satisfied with himself.

Yet his love for killing was your toughest opponent in comparison.

The night chill was lulling his body, the soft whisps of wind flowed through the slightly creaked balcony door. The stars twinkled across the compound lake, the garden flowers fluttered in the breeze and the owls cooed. Everything was peaceful, serene, and quiet, but alas...nothing goes right too long for Toji.

Sweat soaked Toji's forehead, his heart thumped in his ribcage, his hands flexed his hands, his knuckles turned white, his jaw clenched.

That shouldn't be happening-

You're there.

You shouldn't be there.

“Toji. Wake up. Hey, hey....it's okay...just please wake up!'”

Toji shot up and awoken suddenly from his sleep when he felt you place your hand on his shoulder. The cold sweat was dripping down his forehead, a mere trickle that spurred on a consecutive series of horrifying events conjured up in his own head. His hands trembled, eyes narrowing into mere slits.

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

The Zenin's didn't exist.

He was making love to you, such sweet love.

You were happy.

He was happy.

“Toji. You were having another nightmare…it's okay. I'm here, you're fine.” You whisper, his face was pale, his heart was clenching, he felt like he was being strangled slowly. He saw you there, and he immediately grabbed you by the shoulders and stared directly into your eyes.

“Don't... You need to stay away from me...” He gritted out through clenched teeth. “I could hurt you..”

You sighed out deeply, a little frustrated about this undying conviction for him to push you away right now when this was the only night you would have together. "Hey.” You said firmly this time, tilting his chin up and holding his face softly so he could look up at you; deep, sad, distant eyes met yours. “It's just us - just you and me right now. No one else. I'm here, okay? I'm not leaving.” You lean in and give him a gentle kiss on the lips and pull away caressing his scalp slightly.

The words that spilled from your lips were like a soothing balm, and the simple touch of your fingers felt like the touch of an angel. Toji's narrow eyes softened the tiniest bit, that small kiss...

Your kiss. -

“You’re so gentle...” He muttered, his tone bittersweet.

In that nightmare, you were there. Caked in blood as he loomed over you. It was in your hair, on your face, your body…..Your throat slashed. A trademark Zenin cut.

the angst and the smut i have planned is diabolical.

Taglist (mwah!) @wo-ming-bai @xduskydollx @chilichopsticks @maskedpacific @kaizxnx @gojoslefttoenail @idreamitski @miraes-world @misscats-mha @niss2mpm @taylorazureeee @sweetteez @21aurora

#jjk toji #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen toji #jujutsu toji #toji angst #toji fushigro x reader #toji fushiguro #toji smut #toji x reader #toji x y/n

142 notes · View notes

real-fire-emblem-takes · 6 months ago

Note

I want to clarify in advance this is not about anybody specifically in this Fandom, this is just me trying to get my thoughts in order and perhaps to just feel like I am being heard in any regard. Likewise, do not take my word as gospel, for I am merely a lurker of the community who has never truly experienced Fandom outside of looking at fanart and fanfictions. I would like to start creating fanart, fanfictions, and even fancomics should I ever figure out how backgrounds work, but Fandom scares me, especially in regards to one as large as the Fire Emblem community. While I understand that just because one guy sucks in a Fandom it does not mean the whole Fandom sucks, I am also aware of how much damage one person can do, furthermore statistically there are likely to be more bad apples in this bunch then other communities I lurk about in, I mostly lurk in niche Fandoms with the exception being Fire Emblem. I already know my opinions do not tend to align with the majority, and while that is not necessarily a bad thing on its own, it does start to become a bad thing with the horror stories I have heard about Fandom. While I do hope they are just that, horror stories, there is still the nagging feeling of any of them having a basis in reality, I do not want to be a Fandom's punching bag, but I also do not want to remain a mere watcher forever. I have ideas for making fanworks myself, I want to work on these ideas, and I want to share them, perhaps even one day on my own blog instead of just anonymously, but the nagging fear in relation to the mortifying ordeal of being known is making it difficult. Things are only made worse because I find reading people difficult, less so when it is face to face, so the process of understanding whether somebody is jokingly calling something I make awful is completely unknown to me. Yeah, I know just block people who are being assholes, but what if it is taken the wrong way, and I proclaimed a thin skinned idiot who cannot take criticism because the person blocked took it out of context and yelled about it to the rest of the community, who took their word as truth. Only for me to be punished because of those very bad apples I have feared before. I feel as though I am a hypocrite, I have sent anonymous messages in before saying how much I love to see people sharing what they have created, no matter how supposedly cringe people may think it is, I say I live by the motto that cringe is dead, yet I still live in fear of the unknowns of Fandom, all because I have never truly participated in the past. I want to discuss the things I enjoy, yet it appears as though whether it is with those who have never played these games or even fellow fans, I may forever be an outsider in this regard, and I hate that such a thing is even a possibility. I love these games dearly, and I want to talk to people about the games, and all the different concepts I have had about the series, be it fangames, fancomics, fanfictions, whatever. Most of my concepts are in the au category, and as I have stated time and time again, I wish to share my ideas someday. I would like to act like none of this is actually concerning to me, but it would be a lie, no matter how many times I tell people I do not care it is all a facade, I care very deeply. I do not want to be hated because people see that I ship a rarepair and think that means I hate every other ship, I do not want to be hated because people think my au ideas are stupid, I do not want to be hated because I have never written a fanfiction before, nor ever posted about one. The mortifying ordeal of being known is living up to the word mortifying, and I hate this is even a problem for me to begin with, it just makes me feel like such a coward. Besides, I am still using anonymous for this confession, is that not truly the act of a coward?

#fe #fire emblem #fandom takes

12 notes · View notes

raccoon-eyed-rebel · 1 year ago

Text

Cinema

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Pairing: barista!Mike (Hellraiser) x reader (you)

Summary: Mike takes you to see a terrible horror movie...

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: Fluff. More fluff. Then some more fluff. Shenanigans. A makeout sesh... A cop. We're definitely still cockblocking Mikey. I'm still not apologizing for that...

If you like this fic, please let me know 🥰 and reblog so that others may see it too! <3

@deandoesthingstome @ellethespaceunicorn @sillyrabbit81 @peyton-warren @summersong69 @mayloma @livisss @geralts-yenn @ylva-syverson

Mike has taken you to what absolutely has to be the worst horror movie of all time. At least, that’s what the reviews said when you looked up the plot online beforehand. You don’t like horror, and this one is no different, yet you are here. All that proves, if you really think about it (which you don’t), is how much you really like Mike.

As you are waiting in line to get into the cinema, you can already tell that pretty much everyone – all forty or so people – is here for the same reason. Because the one thing these sucky horror movies are good for, is a good, old-fashioned, socially sanctioned make out sesh in the dark. You hate how perfect these dumb films are for it, and you especially hate that they genuinely scare you…

“I’ve never been here before,” you say as your eyes wander the foyer of the building. It’s a relatively new theater, but not so new that not having been here isn’t a scathing indictment of your nonexistent dating life.

“Really? I’ve been here a ton of times,” Mike says casually. It takes a few beats for him to realize what he’s said. “Eh… with friends…”

“Eh… on dates,” you correct him, and watch his ears go a little red from embarrassment.

“Well, they threw all these terrible scary movies at me the last year and a half… what was I supposed to do? Go see them alone?” he fake-complains.

“Oh, you went to see them, huh?” you tease. “What were they about, Mike?”

“Eh… People getting killed?” The girl in front of you just snorts outright, and one of the guys behind you does a half decent job at hiding his laughter in a suspicious cough. You follow the example of the girl.

“Mike, you idiot,” you blurt out. The look on his face is absolutely priceless; he looks mortified, and it somehow looks good on him. So good, even, that you grab the front of his jacket with both hands and pull him closer. When he looks at you, the expression of terror morphs into a smirk.

Finally, it’s time to find your seats. You follow Mike through the just a tad too dimly lit room. He somehow managed to get seats all the way in the back. They always sell out the quickest because… well… less people can watch you stick your tongue down your date’s throat there. Which is a nice thought, even though everyone who’s here is paired off and planning on doing approximately exactly the same – meaning no one will actually be watching you. Oh well. Mike also bought you popcorn, so he can stay, despite his outrageously obvious moves.

“This one,” Mike says as he sinks down on what should have been two seats, but isn’t.

“You know they have normal seats,” you say as you look around the room.

“Sweetcheeks, why are you making it sound like you don’t want to be near me?”

You sit down, putting as much distance between you and Mike as the small loveseat will allow. “I don’t know?” Because you don’t want him to think you’re easy? “This is a little transparent and… I have to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” What is wrong with you?

“Hey, are you here with Mike?” Oh god no… Some girl approaches you as you’re washing your hands, giving you a pitiful look when you nod. “Have you met his cats yet? Poor you.” She and another girl – looks like a friend of hers, you’re guessing they’re on a double date – laugh, and it almost sounds evil.

“Actually, I have,” you answer. “They’re adorable. And Mike is great.”

“They sleep in his bed. It’s weird,” the girl throws back at you, her voice absolutely dripping with contempt. You have to get out of here before you punch this bitch, but she stops you as you make a beeline for the door. “Hey! I’m just trying to help. He’s a weirdo.��

“He’s a vet,” you yell, “they tend to like animals. And it’s not weird. It’s sweet. Now get out of my way, I’m on a date.” You roll your eyes and push little miss spoilsport out of the way, leaving her there with a hideous grimace of disbelief on her pointy face. Okay, maybe she doesn’t look that bad, but you’ve had it with that cunt.

“Hey,” Mike says nervously when you come back to your seat.

“Hey,” you snap, still not over what just happened in the bathroom. When you look at Mike, there’s concern on his face.

“What’s wrong, Sweetcheeks?” he asks, his voice trembling ever so slightly.

“Have I ever told you you’re a great guy, and that I really like spending time with you?” you quietly blurt out as you sit down – close to him, this time. So close, in fact, that you’re almost in his lap.

“Eh, no you haven’t, thanks? Where is this coming from?” He looks a little flustered, clearly not expecting your compliment, or you sitting so close to him. You can’t blame him. Minutes ago, you were halfway through tearing him a new one for being a little obvious about wanting to make out with you.

“Some horrible troll-” You emphasize the word and speak up a little as aforementioned horrible troll passes by your seat – yes, you’re being petty, and yes, you’re going to keep being petty. “-attacked me in the bathroom calling you weird, and I need you to know that you’re not. And I really like being here with you, and I don’t actually care that you’re not being more subtle about this. I kind of like this. It’s cozy.”

“We don’t have to do anything, I just thought… you told me you get scared and I want to be able to hold you if you do,” he whispers, a little uneasy – and cleverly omitting the ‘easier to make out this way’ portion of his transparent plan, so you raise an eyebrow at him to coax the rest of the truth from him. “Baby, we’ve been cockblocked by cats, caught by my parents in their room and I was put on house arrest for three weeks… I just want you close. We can always just watch the movie.”

When he says that last bit, you laugh. “Then you really should have picked a better movie.”

You eat your popcorn during the commercials and the first five minutes of the movie. It’s plenty of time to determine the whole thing is absolute crap – and that the world probably could have done without yet another Hellraiser movie. In fact, you’re starting to regret not spending these five minutes making out with Mike. Luckily, with the way Mike kisses, he makes up for those five minutes within seconds.

Another lucky thing would be the fact that Mike still clearly realizes that you are, in fact, in a public place, which means he isn’t as handsy as he was last time… The last thing you need is to get caught somewhere on your way to half naked in a movie theater, that would be… bad. Let’s leave it at that. Now, that doesn’t mean Mike isn’t all over you in any way he can get away with – of course he is, and you want him to, but man, it makes you wish you were at his place right now, and his cats would leave you the fuck alone, and the turtles wouldn’t be slurping up all attention, and his parents wouldn’t walk in on you.

You stay snuggled up to Mike for the duration of the movie, and even though the few snippets you’ve seen are so horrible you can’t even describe it, you’re sad when it’s over. Hand in hand, you leave the cinema, walking towards his car just about as slowly as you can manage.

“I don’t want this date to end,” you confess as you finally get to the car. His parents are home tonight, he already mentioned that, and so is your roommate. Mike says nothing, and with slightly heated cheeks you get into the car.

“Doesn’t have to be over,” he mumbles when he’s also seated and the doors are closed. You look at him, shock apparent on your face, and shake your head by means of a question. Mike makes a vague gesture around him. Does he mean…? He can’t be serious!

“In your car?” you blurt out in disbelief. Absolutely the fuck not!

“God, you’re hot.” So, you caved. Who cares? You’re young, and you’re finally alone, and it’s Mike’s hands sliding up your sides, underneath your blouse and his hands feel good, and there’s no cats to sit on anyone’s head, or… You’re not even overly worried about a serial killer showing up – which is a very normal fear for you after having watched a horror movie, but your little movie date with Mike involved so little actual watching that you’re not scared now.

“Babe?” Mike takes a short break from feeling you up to check if you’re okay, although he never actually takes his lips off your neck. Is ‘pulling on the hem of his shirt until he finally takes it off’ and answer to his question? Apparently. Your hands tangle in his hair, pulling him into another kiss. You used to think his enthusiasm was a little bit childish, but you have to admit; these weeks have taken their toll on you, too. At this point, you’re almost just as bad as he is, clawing at his back, impatiently dragging his mouth back to yours.

He's surprisingly strong, and not-so-surprisingly good at maneuvering you around in the backseat of this car. Ten bucks says it’s not the first – or second, or third – time he’s done this… Mike pulls you into lap, and the sigh that you let out as you straddle his thighs morphs into a chuckle.

“You’re happy,” you tease as soon as you feel his erection rub against you.

“Cats, parents, grounded,” he mumbles while kissing down your neck, towards your chest. With a few swift moves, he opens enough of your blouse to be able to reach your boobs.

“How on earth did you… That was fast!” you exclaim, staring at your now mostly naked chest in disbelief.

“I stick needles in squirming hamsters on occasion. Can’t do that without at least a little dexterity,” Mike deadpans. If there’s a good response to that out there, you sure as hell don’t know what it is.

You bite your lip and hold down a chuckle when Mike’s hands find their way into the back pockets of your jeans, squeezing your ass through the fabric and pulling you closer against him. When you roll your hips, he moans – the sound is music to your ears. There’s something about teasing this guy that’s… fun and easy but at the same time insanely satisfying. The way he squirms underneath you, the way he gets impatient and sloppy – well, sloppier… You’ve never felt like someone wanted you this much – and not just because he wants to see your tits, perhaps?

Somehow, Mike manages to get you onto your back in the backseat. It’s a less practical position, but it works – kinda – and that’s good enough for you. For all your talk about Mike being eager and impatient, this whole waiting thing is definitely also starting to take its toll on you.

Soon, it’s your hands in his back pockets – as soon as you’re done mapping every muscle in his back, that is. He grinds his hips into you. You’re wet, you’re ready; you need him. Slowly, one of your hands moves to the front of his jeans, struggles with the button for a moment, then…

Three raps on the window, Mike pulling away from you, buttoning his jeans, while you hastily try to button your blouse again. Before you can make yourself completely decent, another knock, and Mike rolling down the window.

“Officer,” he sighs, “good evening.”

“Michael.” The cop knows him by name? That’s not a good thing… Especially considering the fact that Mike turns around to you with a horrified look on his face.

“I swear he only knows my name because mom and I take care of the dogs!” Sounds plausible.

“Go home, kids,” the officer warns you both before walking away.

Mike kisses you again before reaching down to pick his shirt up off the floor.

“Sorry,” he says softly. “I know it was a horrible idea, I just…”

“You want to have sex with me,” you reply. He seems taken aback by your directness, but after a short while, he shakes his head, much to your surprise.

“I mean…” He sighs deeply. “Please don’t think that’s all there is to it. I really like you.”

“You’re just a little impatient,” you tease. He rolls his eyes before crawling back into the front seat, then he helps you get back in the passenger seat.

“C’mon, I’ll drive you home.”

#mike hellraiser #mike hellraiser fic #mike (hellraiser)#hellraiser mike #mike (hellraiser) x reader #hellraiser mike x reader #mikey x reader #henrycavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill characters

45 notes · View notes

thebanishedreader · 6 months ago

Text

Ongoing Book Review: Dead Inside (Chandler Morrison) Pt. 1

I take way too long to finish books since I read like 7 at a time, so I have decided to start posting my thoughts and reviews as I go along. Also, that way I can actually commit to posting these reviews once I finish the book, which is yet another thing the commitment devils have kept me from accomplishing.

Anyhow, though, here we go: the first ongoing review will cover what I have read so far of Dead Inside by Chandler Morrison.

(CW: mentions of necrophilia, cannibalism, and sex. NSFW I guess).

Description by Seller (amazon.com): "A young hospital security guard with a disturbingly unique taste in women. A maternity doctor with a horrifically unusual appetite. When the two of them meet, they embark on a journey of self-discovery while shattering societal norms and engaging in destructively aberrant behavior. As they unwittingly help each other understand a world in which neither seems to belong, they begin to realize what it truly means to be alive... And that it might not always be a good thing."

Here I am, 15% through the book. I know it's not far, but honestly, it's far enough. All I have to say is-- wow. Wow.

This book kinda sucks. Just an all-around drag. A bore, but not the pleasant boring drawl of a lecturer putting you to sleep. The harrowing, suffocating boredom of having to work a shift with that coworker that you hate, that makes you cringe so hard that it's not even entertaining to hate them anymore. Get me out of here. That's how this book feels.

For a book constantly boasting how readers say it's "not for the faint of heart," it's surprisingly underwhelming. I'm frankly disappointed, and yet this book keeps embarrassing itself so much within only 15% that I can't even be angry at myself for falling into its trap.

My reasoning falls into 3 categories: Let-Down, Cringe, and Excuses.

First things first - I was expecting something raunchy, something gruesome and disturbing. I'm not one of those people who shies away from Dead Dove content, far from it. I love that shit. Literature is a place to explore the dangerous, the taboo, the fucked up-ness of being a person. So, finding a book that pledged it was disgusting, disturbing, and medically horrifying? Sign me up. This book is... not that.

What was promised to be a horror novel that pushes the boundaries of what is too much horror, what toes the line between gratuitous and entertaining, this novel relies on one thing: shock value. And the biggest bummer for that tactic is this: if your audience is not shocked, then there is nothing left supporting the narrative.

Dead Inside relies entirely on the audience not being familiar with horror stories or even true crime stories involving necrophilia or cannibalism. The concept of a perverted security guard using his power to violate corpses is supposed to be mortifying, unbelievably despicable. Yet for a seasoned horror fan, it's nothing short of lame. Juvenile, almost. There is hardly any risk when our security guard goes into a morgue which he holds the key to, wherein there are no security cameras, where he can do whatever he pleases, lay on the floor afterwards, and go back to work-- in a tiny, unbusy hospital. It's boring, it's lame, who gives a shit if this weirdo gets his rocks off in weird ways; it's horrible to think of it happening in real life to the body of a loved one, certainly, but this is horror literature. Stephen King would have had worms crawling up the dude's dick and blossoming into a parasite that whispers in his ear until he castrates himself. Chandler Morrison just has our (I hate to even call him this) protagonist fuck a corpse. Cool, I guess.

2. Number Two. Let's talk Cringe Factor.

This narrator is unbearable. Unbearable. He sounds like the stereotype of a discord edgelord who is narrating this book with the sole purpose of scaring off the normies. He relishes in saying gross things, being gross, all while acting as if he is so much more sophisticated than he is.

It doesn't help that the book is narrated in first person. This goes back to how I described the experience of reading Dead Inside to be equivalent to working a shift with a coworker that is very much not your friend who disrespects you the same way a friend would tease. It's just plain oblivious. Our necrophiliac incel narrator is the epitome of the Riverdale meme where Jughead says "I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in. And I don't want to fit in." Like, Christ man, we get it, you don't shower and your hair is greasy and people don't want to be around you not because you're "weird", but because you're inconsiderate and unhygienic and put 0 effort into anything whatsoever. Having to listen to the narrator's commentary on how he's aware how disturbing his own actions are, how he knows the ordinary person would see him as a freak, it's just so lame. That's the only word I have for it, really. Just completely and utterly lame. This novel reads with the same tone as a Reddit incel jerk-off posting about Elliot Rodger. It's just pathetic, but there's no pity there. It's entirely self-induced patheticness that the narrator excuses as being "unique."

It's fine to have characters in books that are frustrating, irritating, that make you just want to smack them upside the head for yapping too long. But it's never a good sign when the person I want most desperately to shut the fuck up is the narrator. It's not good writing if my method of making the narrator quit talking is closing the book and contemplating whether or not it's even worth finishing. Extraordinarily poor quality character. But it's not intentional - we are supposed to find this character disturbing, threatening, and eerily fucked up. We're supposed to wonder why he got this way, and what it will take to break him. We are supposed to hate him, and relish in his demise. I feel nothing but exasperation from this man. The simplest way to resolve my hatred for him is to close the book and put it away. I don't give a fuck what happens to him. I don't think he even deserves my attention, and he's the narrator. This is bad.

3. And finally. Excuses.

This complaint is a short, but prudent one. The writing quality is mediocre at best. One of the biggest rules of any creative work, but particularly writing, art, and filmmaking, is that your audience is smarter than you think. Leave things open for interpretation. Leave opportunity for ponderance, and analysis. Show, don't tell.

Dead Inside is all tell, with nothing to show. Our narrator is a loser, but Morrison doesn't let us own it. Instead, excuses are made; the most infuriating example of this is after our narrator has finished fornicating with a poor, lifeless victim. The section goes:

"... but my lovers are all equipped with the best birth control the world can offer. As in, dead reproductive systems. I know that goes without saying, but I like to say it." (p. 21)

If it goes without saying, then don't say it. The segment would have been entirely fine without that last remark; if anything, it would have been better, and bolstered the narrator's character as a whole! And this is only one of the outright examples I have of this characterization.

The bitter, dark humor of our narrator would have been brilliantly given if the quote ended at "dead reproductive systems." We would have been left with the pure objectification and lack of emotion our narrator possesses, how he sees dead bodies purely as anatomical tools for his own peak control and pleasure, his own performance. We as the audience would have been victims of him as well, subjected to listen to the gross things he says and does and entirely unable to resist it-- pure puppets for his sick fantasies, just like the corpses he violates. It would have illustrated an actual level of mystique and unsettling nature to the relationship between narrator and narrated and audience. The novel's ongoing themes of fetish and object, the definitions of violation, it all would have been so interesting if only the narrator didn't say something so juvenilely self-aware every five seconds, like he's vying for our attention and approval. Look!!, Morrison makes our narrator constantly wave his hands in our face like a child, Look!! Isn't that fucked up!! Look at how fucked up I can be! Tell me I'm gross, tell me I'm weird!! Look at how gross that is, right!! That's scary, right??

No. It's annoying, and it gets old before it even got a chance to start.

Again, I'm 25 pages into a 191 page book. It's mid as fuck. I hope it turns around, but I don't think it will-- I can see from only 15% where this story is going, I bet I can plot out most if not the entire rest of the book. I think the concept is one spooky "what-if" that goes no deeper than that. Honestly, I'm really disappointed. I wanted to be disturbed. I don't have much motivation to keep reading this book except the pervasive nagging of my soul to finish most books I pick up. Plus, I want to know if I'm wrong about how dog this has so far turned out to be.

If you made it this far, holy shit. Congrats. You're running the Athens marathon by reading this. You're amazing. I'm giving you a small kiss on the forehead.

6 notes · View notes

fictional-love-is-my-life · 2 years ago

Note

Can I get some headcanons for how bayverse Optimus would react to being a step-dad to his s/o's teenage child. You know that cliché trope of it being really awkward between the step parent and the kid? How would he react to the kid being a little bit less than pleased with him being thrust into their life?

I'm going to write this as his S/O and the teenager are humans.

-He felt he had enough experience with 'teens' from Bumblebee. So he felt somewhat prepared.

-He was wrong. He was not prepared. On the outside he is still the calm collected Optimus, but on the inside he is very panicky and unsure what to do.

-It's super awkward and he has no idea what to do. Maybe it would have been easier if the kid was a bot. But being a human teen, they have nothing in common.

-He tries so hard though, because he love's his S/O. He tries to tell this teen about Cybertron. The kid is interested at first, and it's a stepping stone. But once Optimus has said all he could they go back to awkward silence.

-Optimus goes to Bumblebee to try and get information on current human interests and pop culture references. Bee's information helps a little bit, so Optimus doesn't feel so lost when the teen talks.

-Optimus asks the teen if they want a ride to school. The kid says no, they don't want to get bullied for riding a truck. One day his S/O asks Optimus to pick the teen up from school. Reluctantly Optimus goes. He causes traffic at the pick up line, because he doesn't know where to go and he's too big for the normal car spaces. Some of the kids are in awe and try to take pictures with him. The teen comes out and is mortified. The kid tries to walk past and ignore Optimus, but Optimus uses his really loud truck horn. At first it startles everyone, then a lot of people cheer. The kid stalks over to Optimus and gets in, slamming Optimus' door embarrassed.

-"Why are you here?" "Your parent asked me to pick you up." "God, you are so embarrassing." "Do you want to use the horn?" PAUSE. "Yes." Teen then uses the horn and scares some people, making them laugh.

-Optimus drives safely whenever the kid is with him. Bee told him human kids like ice cream. So Optimus stops at an ice cream shop and asks if the teen wants to get some. "No that's for babies." The teen complains. So Optimus drives away. Then remembers his S/O told him the teen says some things they don't mean. He stops at another ice cream store and offers again. This time the teen agrees. They get ice cream and eat it while Optimus drives home.

-They don't have a lot to talk about so there are so many times they will literally just sit in silence until the parent comes back. He sometimes feels like he would rather be fighting Megatron than sitting in silence with this teenager. But Optimus will lay down his life to protect the kid.

-There comes a time where the kid spent time at their other bio parents house, then they come home really angry at Optimus. Optimus tries to be calm but the kid yells at him. "You're not my real dad, you're just a stupid tin can, I hate you!" Kid proceeds to slam the door to their room and hide away. S/O goes to talk to the kid but to no avail.

-*Sad Optimus noises* He tries so hard, and feels disappointed when his efforts are futile.

-Optimus goes for a late night drive to get some space and let the kid cool down. On his way back home he sees the kid walking on the side of the road (running away). He stops and offers the kid a ride. The teen ignores him. "I'll take you to your other bio parent." Optimus offers. It is a long walk so the kid agrees. They drive in silence for a while then Optimus speaks in his Optimus way.

"I am not your parent. That is a role I was never trying to claim. Your real parents will always be there. I am here for your mother/father because I love them, and they love you so I want to be civil and be there for you as best I can. It is a struggle as I am not a human. There is much I do not understand about human culture, but your mother/father is helping me. And I would definitely appreciate it if you helped me with human customs as well. I never wish to impose, and if you so desire I will stay away from you. But I will stay by your parents side, and as long as you shall live I will protect you with my life because you are their child."

-It's silence for a couple minutes, then the child just starts crying. Optimus lets them cry and figure out what they want to say. "Can you take me back home?" Optimus turns around and drives back to his S/O's place. He also goes a little over the speed limit, to try and cheer the kid up.

-It takes a lot of effort on both parts. But with time they come to like each other and are able to hang out together and have fun.

#ask #optimus prime #Optimus #transformers #bayverse #bayverse transformers

35 notes · View notes

perilegs · 11 months ago

Text

So, yeah I've talked plenty about Nøkk using crowd controll spells to avoid satisfying his urges bc as good as it feels, it's also scary to have your body react to carnage with pure ecstasy. I know he gets a craving for murder and does satisfy his urge every now and then, but he tries to do it as little as humanly possible. But! I decided I'm making him have a big relapse kind of in Act2 :)

Nøkk will be putting himself in danger by starting to use offensive spells more and getting closer to the enemies to strike them with his sword. Which, is such a bad idea bc he's a squishy bard. This is ofc noticeable to everyone, but Nøkk will lie and say that his experience with the sussur tree made him realize he needs to be getting his sword skills up to what they once were. I don't think anyone is fully convinced, but they've got a lot on their plate rn with the shadowcurse and stuff.

Even though Nøkk is now indulging his urges more, it's not enough. Denying the urge to kill Isobel made it so much worse. Nøkk needs help, but is scared to reach out.

This culminates in the durge romance murder scene. He'll lose control again. Just like with that poor dragonborn bard. Nøkk is so terrified of not being in control of himself, but he knows, if he says nothing, Astarion will be dead come morning.

Nøkk has mentioned his urges before, offhandedly, he didn't mean to. But it didn't even matter as no one realized how serious it was. They wouldn't have understood even if he told them everything he was feeling. Well, he would have probably gotten a dagger through his throat if he did that. And that's not something Nøkk would ever do even without the threat to his life.

Anyways, this time, he HAS to act. I'm just going to use direct quotes from the scene and give some extra Nøkk thoughts on them.

"I've been cursed. When I fall asleep, I will try to murder you." then the comment about being the only dark power inside of Nøkk and "You could have told me before things got murderously bad, you know." Astarion's attitude with this whole thing is not helping Nøkk out.

He's growing more and more panicked, with his consciousness about to slip. He's at a state where he's almost ready to give into his urges and maim Astarion. Until. "Whatever it is that's controlling you, we can fight it. I know that better than anyone." Hearing that gives Nøkk reassurance. He's not in this as alone as he first thought. However, there's no time to finish the thought before he faints.

The night passes with Nøkk remembering nothing but vague glimpses of it. Astarion was far more calm, patient, and gentle with Nøkk than he would have ever expected anyone to be in this situation. Losing sleep, well, meditation, over, for, Nøkk. "You've got this. And I've got you." Such a simple thing to say, yet it will linger in Nøkk's head for as long as he lives.

Once Nøkk inhabits his own mind again, he feels mortified. He cannot look Astarion in the eye. He keeps his gaze firmly on the ground, even as Astarion cuts his binds, tears almost swelling up.

"We need to have a talk." That's it. This is where Astarion will confess he wants nothing to do with Nøkk ever again anymore. It was foolish for Nøkk to even think they could ever be anything more than strangers.

But. That's not what happens. Astarion is waiting for Nøkk to explain himself. Very uncharacteristic to himself, Nøkk tells Astarion all about his urges, and how he was strictly avoiding them at first, but now he's trying to overcompensate the other way. The way they make his blood feel and take his mind away from him. The awful, horrible thoughts and images he can't get out of his head. All the nightmares and sleepless nights. All he can remember. It's all he can do to keep from crying. Nøkk finishes his tale, he's still not looking at Astarion.

Nøkk doesn't know what to expect, but it's not words of comfort. People aren't supposed to just accept something like this. "You're allowed to hate me for this." "I don't hate you. Because this is not you." Nøkk is left speechless. Also let's all take a moment to think about both Astarion saying that about durge's urges and Withers' "he only managed to kill the part of you he knew."

Anyways, Nøkk finally looks up at Astarion. His expression is soft, Nøkk, however, looks like he's about to burst into tears. "Whatever this is, you will get through it. And I'll be here to make sure you do."

Astarion, picking up on Nøkk's embarrassement and not wanting to make him cry, says something about there being a new dawn while he stands up. He extends a hand to help Nøkk up. Nøkk takes it. Maybe his future needn't be so grim after all.

Nøkk starts trying to learn a healthy balance on satisfying his urges. Suppressing all of them all the time just makes them worse, but, putting himself and everyone else in danger just to deal the finishing blow on everyone they fight is also, very unhealthy. He somewhat opens up to the rest of his companions about his condition a bit more too, bit by bit. There are people making sure he's okay. He's not in this alone.

#hold on i might cry #oc: nøkk #oc: nøkk text

4 notes · View notes

dear--charlie · 2 years ago

Text

Dear Charlie,

It is I again ... :)

Well, I actually forgot about the existence of this blog, it has been ... 5 years? Is that possible? That sounds like a lot, it's scary how much of my life has already passed.

I am yet again depressed and disassociated. This time I also packed an eating disorder with me, so it's not all the same boring routine... Splendor at it's finest.

A year and a half ago or so I started university and honestly, I hate university. I have very few friends there and one of them forgot about me the second she got better so I decided to cut her off, to not feel the shame of being used. The other one is also quite mentally ill to be honest and she also suffers from an ed, which makes it hard for me to interact with her as someone trying her best to recover. I recently had a lapse (or relapse? I can never understand what's more appropriate and calling it relapse just feels like I am bragging for attetion) and when I decided I'd stop it and try to recover again, I had to bring the time I spend interacting with her to a minimum. Maybe some people will call me selfish, but do I care? If you were in my shoes, you'd talk differently. People's hate is just the cost of making your own decisions about life it seems.

On another note, I am going to therapy, yay. I also went to this ed treatment center when things got bad with eating and I am still going there in secret from my family.

Now that I mentioned therapy, there is one thing I really want to write here. It happened almost a year ago already, but it honestly still haunts me. Maybe I am too dramatic idk, people have it way worse...but this is MY note so I can write whatever I want right... xd

Well, when I became anorexic about 2 years ago, I sought out a therapist. She was recommended to me by my friend I mentioned above with whom I no longer interact. It was an old woman, 60+, very short, but this person had something so unsettling about her, Charlie, that you entered the room she'd sit in with a feeling of being somehow tried by a figure of immense evil. I felt something was strange about her quite early on, but this lady charged very little for her services and I am a poor student, so I didn't want to give it up... Until one time. She'd often make weird remarks about how pretty I am, asked me who had green eyes, if my mom or dad, I believe it was already on the first or second session... I felt weird, but decided to overlook it. She then later on kept mentioning another client of hers, telling me that I could meet him and talk to him as we both have a history of living with a very manipulative grandfather. I assumed she meant calling him to one of our sessions and having this weird group therapy. Well, I was wrong. One day she asked me if I've ever had a boyfriend - I haven't yet, so I told her no. She acted as if this was a problem - what a total c*nt tbh :^) - but anyway, she then later in the session mentioned him again and kept saying that he is old, way older than me. I felt weird, so I asked how old? And she replied: "Quite old." ??? red flags, I know, but well, I made her tell me he was 34 or so. I don't exactly remember. Well, she said again that we have to meet up, me and him. I was like mhm she probably means some different time. No. At the end of our sessions someome rang her bell and she replied: "*his name*, come in" I was scared, even though still trying to convince myself that nothing is wrong. Well, I wanted to leave, but the witch literally stood in front of the door and wouldn't let me. The man appeared at the doorstep. She told him he should take me for a ride somewhere in his car at the weekend and asked him if he had time - he said well yes. Then she asked me if I wanted to go and I felt so scared by that time - but I managed to say I'll think about it. Well, after this happened, I was mortified and I ended up ending everything with her.

This scared me so much, Charlie. I don't tell people about it anymore, but sometimes I see an old woman outside who faintly resembles her and get a shiver of dread up my spine. Sometimes the memories of her just come to me as flashbacks and I feel dirty. I felt dirty after this happened to be honest, even though nothing really happened to me. I guess I felt strangely exploited and objectified. I came to her for help but she did this thing...for what? God knows.

On another note, lately I am obsessing over a certain anime character and its weirdly healing me even though I am still feeling very bad. He is not a good person, but I relate to him a lot for some reason.

I also write a lot, Charlie, my stories are probably the only thing that genuinely makes me happy to be myself. I also try to draw when I can.

Well, this is all the brain vomit I can think of for today.

Thank you for listening.

-mv

#dear charlie #mv

2 notes · View notes

lovedvra · 2 years ago

Text

Purpose in pain, nope.

I've always hated pain.

Growing up the adage or proverb "who cyah hear will/must feel" was enough to keep me in line. However, my thoughts were always against it. Adults used it when children were disobedient, but the actions of those children were just a copy of what those same adults did on a regular basis. Yes, it kept me in check for a while. No one took the time to teach or to exemplify the type of behaviours expected of a child. A good child would need good adults around to maintain healthy habits. "Who cyah hear will feel". Feel the sting of a belt or a hand much too big to use against a child, yes we felt it. Scared, anxious, and mortified on the inside to make a mistake, the promise of that saying would keep me in check.

That's how God was introduced to me. Supreme being with supreme wrath for disobedience. God loved obedient, good children. It seemed unfair. No one remains a child forever, so what happens when we are longer little boys and little girls? Would God not love us then or love us less? Did He keep score of all the times I forgot to pray, said no to my parents, or didn't want to share my toys with other kids? Would God only accept me if I never made my parents angry or never expressed my own?

Those thoughts and the emotions attached ran through my mind and body for years. Who cared? Emotional suppression is what we accept as obedience and good behaviour only includes smiles and being agreeable, and easy to handle. To hear that there is a purpose in pain confused me at first. In our culture, where any emotional expression of difficulty is met with "there is purpose in your pain" or "if yuh wah good tings, yuh nose affi run", it never made sense to me.

No one, well most people don't like pain. It doesn't automatically mean that person expects everything to be easy.

Why should children have to bear pain to have a good life?

Why do so many adults think it's a right of passage?

What type of God would want that for his beloveds?

#thoughts

0 notes

roscgcld · 4 years ago

Text

HEADCANON + VARIOUS || daydreaming!reader turning into a toddler

request: Okay you know the turn into toddler on but with bimbo reader, she'd be so cute ❤️❤️as a toddler and they have an excuse to use the leash because children are fast

note: this was originally going to be an ask, but then I decided to write headcanons for our daydreaming!reader - so this was born lmaoooo. i hope you enjoy cx you can find all the original prompts for this under the hashtag daydreaming!reader on my profile!

also - yuta is going to be in this because let’s be honest - stressed yuta is lowkey really cute lol

pronouns: she/her

daydreaming!reader masterlist

let me say this - when she was first turned into a child, it was absolute chaos

the worse part was it happened mid battle - one moment she was charging to the curse with her katana in hand, next thing the rest of them knew she had shrunk and she was freefalling from the jump she launched herself into

yuji, who was the closest to her, widen his eyes before he ran towards his senior and caught her before she landed on the ground, holding her against his chest as he stares down at the girl with wide eyes; who blinked up at him as well

“Y-Y/N-senpai?” yuji mutters in shock as he stares down at the young girl in his arms, who just smiles back before she reaches up to cup her tiny hands on his sweaty cheeks.

“doggy.”

after the curse was exorcise, the rest of the first years gathered around yuji, since they were supposed to accompany their senior out to exorcise a curse in a nearby hospital

how are they going to go back to school carrying a child with them?

they did - and the first person they ran into was gojo, who waited by the door to greet his students; only to freeze when he saw the child staring back at him in yuji’s arms

“wait a minute,” gojo mutters as he pulls his blindfold down as he narrowed his sapphire eyes at the young girl, who just blinks and smiles up at him in delight. “holy shit - it really is her.”

the first stop they visited was ieiri, who held the giggling child in her arms after running a few tests. “it’s not permanent - it’s a cursed technique. I can’t reverse it since it’s not an actual wound, so the best remedy is waiting.” she stated as she bounced the young girl in her arms, who was busy playing with her hair in her tiny hands. “my guess is that it’ll last no more than 24 hours.”

24 hours wouldn’t be that hard, right? i mean, they already take care of her on the daily - what’s another 24 hours?

well - the fact that she runs on pure energy. fushiguro looked down as he pulled out a tissue from the packet he was holding in his hands for one second, and when he looked up again, she was missing

it took the three first years and their tall teacher a solid 10 minutes before they found her

she was curled up in inumaki’s arms, the cursed speech user just cuddling her without a care in the world while maki looked mortified that her already handful classmate was now a child

and she hates children with a burning passion

after getting the brief rundown by their teacher, they just watch how the little girl, who was now set down on her feet, ran about their legs as she giggles to herself; as if she was trying to traverse an endless maze. “what an idiot.”

the next person who saw her was yuta, who returned from a meeting with the higher ups

he had entered the campus, just in time to see gojo running past with a child on his shoulders, giggling to her heart’s content

that sight alone was confusing to yuta, but when gojo noticed him and came over with a grin, yuta got a good look at the child resting on his tall teacher’s shoulders

and then almost past out from the shock of seeing his fellow classmate blinking down at him, her small hands gripping onto gojo’s hair as she smiles down at him

after a cup of tea and a lengthy explanation, yuta watches the young girl play with the strap of his weapon’s bag that resting on the ground, making a noise

“at least now we have a reason to use the child leash.”

“..now that you’ve mention it - we should break it out.” maki stated simply before she got up and left, leaving yuta to explain to the confused group of people how him and maki had purchased a children’s leash to use on her whenever they go out to tokyo so they never loose her

they never really had a chance to use it; but since she is the way she is now, it was probably the better option then running around chasing her

so now there was maki, with one end of the leash wrapped around her hand whilst the other was wrapped around the young girl’s wrist as she ran about

feeding her was an absolute pain - it took a solid 30 minutes to get her eat half of the food since she kept getting side tracked and forget to chew her food. so it just sat in her cheeks as she played with yuta’s fingers or tried to catch a flying beetle

poor maki got the scare of her life when the little girl gifted her a squirming beetle that refused to crawl off her uniform; her grossed out expression evident as she flicked it off with her fingers

nobara and yuji were laughing their asses off as gojo recorded the entire incident. inumaki was biting his fist as he shook with laughter while yuta grinned and told the confused girl how she shouldn’t be picking up bugs at random unless she ‘wants them to give you an owie’

for once they had a relatively normal day - cloud watching, flower picking, feeding the koi fish in the pond on the school grounds, playing tag in the huge field. she forced everything to do the more mundane somewhat normal things as well, forcing everyone to take a well deserved break

by the time the evening arrived, many of the students and gojo were laying on the grassy field of the school compound, watching how the sky slowly started to bleed with different shades of reds and oranges as the sun started to set

“is it bad that i enjoyed this day?” fushiguro muttered as he closes his eyes, one arm covering his eyes whilst the other was petting his Devine dog that he had summoned to track the little girl down earlier

she had escaped to go and pick flowers in the wooded area, almost giving everyone a heart attack when they couldn’t find her.

“nah, it was nice.” maki said with a tired hum as she watches the clouds, her head laid against panda’s side whilst yuta laid on the ground beside her, watching the clouds with a content sigh. “who knew it took a brat to make us relax.”

said brat was fast asleep in nobara’s side, who cuddled the sleeping girl close. “well, whatever the reason may be - i enjoyed it a lot, and it will be fun to look back on in the future.”

somehow they managed to clean her from all the sweat and dirt before tucking her back in her room, and somehow had to read a few bedtime stories after she whines and refuses to go to bed until she was read to

by the time the others went to bed, they were pretty much dead to the world - having the best night’s sleep after having been worked to the bone by one child

when the next morning arrived, and maki saw a sleepy Y/N walking about tiredly as she tried to fill her bottle of water from the water fountain, she just sighs in relief

to the point where she goes over and hugs the sleepy girl, who just yawned and hugged her back with one arm while the other filled her bottle of water

“good morning to you too, maki.”

when she saw all the videos and pictures of what happened yesterday, she just smiles over at the tired students, clapping her hands softly in delight

“at least you guys had fun, no?”

her simple answer had everyone pausing as they shared a look with one another before they all just agreed, since yesterday was definitely fun

maybe having her as a child wasn’t that bad after all

2K notes · View notes

astaroth1357 · 4 years ago

Text

Demigod MC Series: Hades

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades

Lucifer

Well… this is awkward…

He’s actually met Hades multiple times for business reasons (Underworld-Devildom relations are amiable if not a little odd. Hades was something of an uncle figure to Diavolo as a wee demon lad, which should speak for itself really). He’s a gloomy fellow and not much for chit-chat, but he never thought they’d end up taking one of his kids by accident…

He had to send a formal apology letter to the Lord of the Underworld immediately, but thankfully he didn’t seem very concerned for his offspring - if anything he appeared to think the Devildom would suit them nicely which was… concerning.

And he was not wrong. The darkness, demons, ghouls, and frights of the Devildom hardly seemed to faze the MC, if anything they fit right in. He’d dare say they were thriving if not for one thing…

They were So. Damn. Bleak.

Getting a smile out of this one AT ALL was rare. For once he felt the need to check up on someone constantly just to be sure they were alright... They’d keep assuring the House that they’re not actually as sad as they look but it’s hard not to assume…

He was a little mortified at first when they first met Cerberus cause… well they called him “Cerbi” and the massive demonic guard dog rolled over for them like a Golden Retriever!

Apparently he and the Cerberus that they knew are from the same litter and they must have smelt familiar... He would have probably limited their interactions just to keep his dog on his side but after seeing the MC smile for once while they played with the big oaf well…

Cerberus got a new playmate and the MC got a massive, three-headed therapy animal. Win-win. 😌

Mammon

Do ya really gotta be such a downer all the time, MC…? 😔

He thinks they’re nice, like really nice. They’re always super concerned when his brothers attack him or when he gets injured, but he’s pretty sure it’s because they’ve seen people die before so…

At first, he had no idea why he had to be saddled with this depressing wisp of mortal but over time he started to understand that they weren’t all that sad. They had… Resting Gloom Face? Is that a thing?

They also had a different way of seeing things. He could win the lottery and they’d tell him to stay inside so he wouldn’t get hit by lightning or if he pissed off the wrong people, they’d joke about him keeping his fingers and toes. Dark stuff, but not intended to be so… well morbid.

However, what he eventually found out that the REAL advantage to having a Hades kid in the Devildom was that nothing scared them. Literally nothing. Not even the ghosts - which to reiterate, are terrifying!

Cue Mammon getting dragged to horror movies nights with his brothers and pulling the MC along to be his personal security blanket. He’ll hold onto them for dear life as they just pat his head or something, watching and not even flinching at the jumpscares.

The first time the House had an unexpected power outage he clung onto the back of their shirt like a lost child while they calmly looked for the circuit-breaker...

If he could jump into their arms every time something scary happened like Scooby-Doo, he absolutely would. His brothers make fun of him, but after seeing the MC handle Cerberus like a puppy any time something frightens them they hide behind the mortal as well…

Leviathan

In some ways, he totally relates to their moodiness but come on! Who can still look so sad when watching The Magical Ruri Hanai: Demon Girl?? Ruri-chan can make anyone smile! 😠

When he first met the MC, he was a little confused about why they didn't find him intimidating at all. He even reverted to his demon form and showed his fangs but no dice! All they said was, "I've walked along the edge of Tartarus. You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that, buddy…"

That was probably his first sign that the "human" wasn't normal…

After Mammon told him who their Dad was, things made a lot more sense. A child of Hades in the Devildom? That's ironic enough to be its own anime plot!! They certainly felt like an angsty protagonist at times. 🤷‍♀️

Truth be told, they could relate to each other in a lot of ways. You wouldn't think that an offspring of the Underworld and a demonic shut-in would have much in common but the one thing they share between them is that sense of never really fitting in.

Turns out that Hades kids are black sheep, even among other demigods, and Levi? Well, he's had trouble relating to others since his angel days. He and the mortal were like off-beat kindred spirits!

Which, I mean, you wouldn't get just by looking at them together. Levi being the impassioned super-otaku rambling their ear off while his somber companion would just go along with him quietly, but hey, there's more beneath the surface. Probably.

Now if he could just get them to cosplay as the Lord of Emptiness with him… They'd be perfect! Perfect he says!!

Satan

Highly considered drugging their food with antidepressants for a while…

This was before getting to know them better, of course, but for the first couple months he honestly couldn't shake the feeling that the mortal looked miserable!

Now, he's one to particularly care for the comfort of strangers, but just looking at them like that every day would sour his own mood quite considerably. It was very irritating...

It was only on closer inspection that he realized there was something else at play, though.

The mortal was different - even for a demigod he imagined. They took to the Devildom easily and the realm almost accepted them right back!

The flora looked better in their presence, the hellish beasts that roamed the wilds would roll over for them, and they even seemed to be welcomed in by the never-ending shadows…

It was fascinating. Like the effects of the Underworld were baked into their DNA and mingled with the environment around them… Two layers of darkness coexisting within one person.

I mean, what other creature - other than Lucifer - could ride Cerberus around like a pony??

Had they not been so kind, they'd probably scare him shit-less... Their potential power was too great to ignore. But after getting used to their gloom, at least they made for pleasant company. 🤷‍♀️

Satan likes them well enough, but even still he has to wonder just what they were capable of… you know?

Asmodeus

Oh. My. WORD. What a buzzkill!!!

Really, the new mortal was no good at parties or pictures for that matter!

Not because they looked bad, or even because he couldn't get them to smile, but because GHOSTS would always photobomb any pictures they were in!! 😫

One time he got a selfie with them on the couch and a creepy ghost child could be seen hiding behind the cushions so NOPE. No more photos with the mortal around!!

Aside from that, he couldn't say the mortal was all bad or anything…They were pretty friendly, despite their general look and feel.

Though, personally, he thought they wore far too much black... Even in the Devildom, there's normally a pop of color, you know? Was that just the Hades dress code?

And you want to know the weirdest thing? Despite everything about them screaming "Doom and Gloom," they're straaaangely popular among the RAD dating scene…

Like. Not as some heartthrob, "Love'em and Leave'em"-type, but he's found that there's a LOT of his demonic classmates who think they're cute or have a crush on them in some way…

Naturally, he can see the appeal of the mysterious, moody demigod with a dark, troubled past. It's just the demigod in question is completely oblivious to it! 🤷‍♀️

He tried to give them dating tips or play matchmaker from time to time but eventually gave up when it was clear they weren't interested. Alas, students of RAD, this is one forbidden fruit that refuses to be shared…! Such a tragedy… 😔

Beelzebub

They remind him of Belphie… like. A lot.

The similarities were obvious. They had a similar feel, made similar jokes, and even the same somewhat dreary attitude about them...

If he were being honest, at the beginning there were times when he'd open up to them a lot more than he intended because he'd forget that he wasn't actually talking to Belphie…

Thankfully, he knew better than to try and treat them like his replacement or anything. They were two different people after all. But it didn't stop him from feeling extra protective around them for a while.

Besides, there was ONE thing that set them leagues apart from Belphie and that was the fact they were a shit cook. Not quite as bad as Solomon but uh… Actually no, that's a closer call than it has any right to be...

Apparently, Hades kids don't need to eat as much and when you hang out with shades and skeletons for most of your life, you don’t really worry about making food that's any better than… "Well, technically it's edible." 🤷‍♀️

Their food won't kill a person like Solomon's, but you WILL start seeing stuff you probably shouldn't. He tried their "soup" once and swore he saw the ghost of his mother… and he doesn't even have a mother!!!

He swears that if he ever sees the MC and Solomon working together in the same kitchen he's skipping town… Whatever culinary abomination the two of them could create would probably gain sentience and eat HIM instead. He's always figured he'd go out with Death by Food, but not like that!! 😫

Belphegor

Ever meet someone who’s like looking in a mirror? Yeah, he’s getting those vibes…

He never expected the "human" to be so similar to him, it was kind of uncanny.

Upon first laying eyes on each other there was a pause… then a squint… and then… a nod.

Honestly, their combined dry wit, dark humor, and pessimistic outlook played off of each other surprisingly well. Too well for him to hate, really.

Not that it mattered because they didn’t believe him for a second when he tried to trick them (they had dealt with loads of lying monsters before). He hated to admit it, but they had a good head on their shoulders and knew better than to trust a locked up demon…

And yet, they seemed to stick around with him anyway. Because of the good conversation or just empathizing with his loneliness was anyone's guess. 🤷‍♀️

Sometimes they'd come up and sit outside the door in comfortable silence… Or they'd talk about whatever:

MC: *sitting out by the attic with their back against the door* So what happens to demons when they die…?

Belphie: *laying on the floor on the other side, staring at the ceiling* Depends on the kind. If I die, I'll just reform later.

MC: Like a reincarnation?

Belphie: Eh. *shrugs* Maybe. Haven't died yet.

MC: You could die in there, you know.

Belphie: *throws a side glare* Well thanks for bringing that up…

MC: *shrugs* What? It's true. But don't worry, I won't let you. *small-ish smile*

Belphie: *stares at them wide-eyed and pink-cheeked before turning on his side quickly* Ugh… whatever…

They did their word, somehow. They eventually got the door open and let him out, but by that time the anger was gone and he was just happy to finally talk to them face-to-face...

And good thing too, because apparently it's not smart to fight a death-child in what is essentially their element - as he saw when they summoned an army of skeletons to kick Levi's ass when he cheated them in Devil Cart...

He would not have lasted in that fight... Dodged a bullet there.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me demigods #obey me scenarios

2K notes · View notes

shingia · 4 years ago

Note

suna, iwa, tadashi, and atsumus reaction to their s/o getting hit in the face with a volleyball and crying?

✗ HQ BOYS REACTING TO THEIR S/O BEING HIT IN THE FACE WITH A VOLLEYBALL

I LOVE THIS TY FOR THE REQUEST and sorry it took me so long to post it, school was kinda hectic 💀

-> suna, iwaizumi, yamaguchi, atsumu

-> reblogs are and will always be very sexc <3

pt.2

— SUNA

• let’s be honest here : his first reaction is to laugh. and it takes him a painfully long amount of time to realize that you’re actually not ok

• at first he thinks you’re being a bit dramatic, but then he replays the scene in his head and he’s like « oh fuck. that hit them in the face ? »

• absolutely PANICKING on the inside, but barely shows it - which is actually very reassuring

• he knows he’s supposed to check for any sign of a broken nose or any bruise on your cheekbones, but he can’t focus on anything while you’re crying

• unfortunately - and as we all know it - volleyball shorts don’t have pockets, so he doesn’t have any tissue close at hand

• he thinks about wiping your cheeks with his jersey, but he’s afraid that it might not feel very nice to have your cheeks wiped with an already sweaty cloth

• so he just uses his hands, and you have never seen him be so careful while touching you - he acts like you’re made of thin glass

• he’s really good at making people stop crying, especially when they’re physically hurt - probably has a lot of experience with his sister (my hearttttt 😩)

• absolutely babies you for the rest of the day because, as i said, he’s used to do that with his sis

• but it only takes him a day before starting to tease you. because now he thinks it’s peak comedy to give you huge warnings before throwing the smallest things at you, like an eraser or a hair-tie

— IWAIZUMI

• he has never ran so fast in his entire life, literally crosses the court in a split second

• if he’s the one who spiked it (first of all : how are you still alive ?) he’ll apologize for hours. but if someone else spiked it then they better start running now

• well, actually they have a few minutes to start running because iwa wants to make sure you’re not hurt too badly before he starts yelling at them (or hitting them, depends on who it is)

• he’s probably the one who reacts the most calmly, he perfectly knows how to handle the situation and immediately takes you to medicine cupboard in the storage room

• and the pain suddenly seems much less sharp now that you’re being taken care of by him. you’re not sure if it’s because of the ice pack or because he’s being extremely attentive right now. maybe both

• he most definitely orders you to go back home right after, but he promises that he’ll meet you there once practice is over : and the least you can say is that iwa is a man of his word

• aaand a man who takes the time to buy you a few snacks on his way to your house. mainly because he feels responsible for this little accident

• he probably forbids you to ever come to the gym ever again. and if you don’t listen to him then he’ll make sure that you at least stay as far away from the court as possible

• and he won’t hesitate to pause his training to tell you off if you try to come closer : he’s not joking

— YAMAGUCHI

• he’s absolutely mortified. why did he have to hit the ball so hard ?

• he is afraid that it might be considered as domestic abuse, poor boy is already thinking about what he’s going to say in front of a judge

• probably the most scared out of the four, and his reactions are a tiny bit dramatic

• because he lets out a literal scream when he sees you crying

• so you start to scream too because you think that your nose must at least be broken for him to have such a huge reaction

• basically you’re just two panicky messes who need the help of a third person to calm down (probably one of the third years because let’s be honest, the other first years probably didn’t even see what happened)

• i think yams would hug you for three reasons : 1. he hates to see you cry 2. he’s stuttering too much to apologize with words, 3. he starts to overthink everything and fears that you might suffer from internal bleeding or something, so he’s absolutely terrified

• he definitely needs to be reassured so please just tell him that you’re ok

• his biggest fear is that the impact might leave a bruise on your face, because he knows it’ll be painful to look everyday

• so he smears almost a whole tube of ointment on your face, and he won’t listen to any of your complaints

• also, he beats himself up pretty bad afterwards, so plz reassure him AGAIN because he probably thinks he’s the scum of the earth for hurting the person he loves

— ATSUMU

• *insert a thousand curse words in kansai dialect*

• his first reflex is to cup your face with both his hands and to apologize profusely. but atsumu is very very tactile so the best way for him to apologize is by placing as much kisses on your face as he possibly can

• but your face is already burning from the impact and your nose is still very sensitive, so you have no choice but to push him away and wince in pain

• that’s when he starts to panic : did you just break up with him ?

• he will never admit it but he is this close to start crying too

• everything he does from that moment on is to 1. make sure that the pain is going away, 2. make sure that you won’t dump him later

• and he knows he will be much better at number 2, which is why he thinks it’s more clever to ask for help for number 1 : so whoever is the closest to him is being ordered asked to go get an ice pack

• probably tries to blow on your face to cool it down, he’s trying his best ok ?

• once the ice pack is here, he lets you hold it against your nose yourself because he’s too afraid to hurt you again

• but then he feels bad for letting you do it : basically, he’s in complete panic

• once the tears have stopped, he has to physically refrain himself from booping your nose. and by that i mean that he literally holds his own hand back. it takes him a few days to allow himself to do it again

🏷 taglist : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @boo-marie @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos

click here to be added to the taglist <3

#atsumu blowing on your face to make the pain go away is probably the most canon headcanon i’ve ever written 🤚🏼#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!!#suna rintarou x reader #yamaguch tadashi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #suna fluff #yamaguchi fluff #iwaizumi fluff #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu fluff #suna headcanons #atsumu headcanons #yamaguchi headcanons #iwaizumi headcanons

800 notes · View notes

seijorhi · 4 years ago

Text

Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you

Me attempting a multi-part fic?? More likely than you think! I wrote this fic because this blog started with Hawks and Dabi and kinda got a bit of traction with soulmate au’s so to me it made sense to post it for my first anniversary. I hope you guys like it! 💕

Touya Todoroki (Dabi) x female reader, Keigo Takami (Hawks) x female reader

TW canonical character ‘death’, a little angst and maybe a slight hint of dub-con (if you squint your eyes a little)

Part I, II

You’re eleven years old when your parents take you by the hand, sit you down on the couch and tell you that your soulmate is dead.

It doesn’t make sense. There’s a hollow ache inside of your chest like something important is gone but you were with Touya only yesterday. You had the rest of your lives together, you were gonna leave with him, start something better…

You feel empty and you can’t understand it. He can’t be dead, that’s not how it works. You find your soulmate and you get to ride off into the sunset. You get to be happy, everyone knows that.

But it doesn’t sink in until you’re kicking and screaming by his grave and Endeavor won’t so much as meet your eye and your parents are pulling you back because there’s no body.

There’s nothing left of Touya Todoroki.

And there’s nothing left of you without him.

—

They call it the bloom. A simple touch, the first from your soulmate’s hand, and the mark appears on your skin like drops of ink spilled into water. You’ve always thought it beautiful, the delicate black pattern imprinted on your wrist.

You can still remember the heat you’d felt when it happened. Not the burning kind you knew him capable of, but like the warmth of a fire seeping through you. And you remember the way those bright, blue eyes had widened as you’d tripped and fell, taking him with you. His mark was over his heart; Touya always was stupidly smug about that.

You were just kids. Angry and scared and lost, but you had Touya and Touya had you.

(Not that that counted for anything in the end. He still died alone.)

They say it’s rare to find your soulmate before adulthood, but you’d been one of the lucky ones.

Lucky.

The word tastes bitter on your tongue now. It’s not that you disagree exactly – even now, years after his death you’re glad that you had time with him. You would’ve been grateful for a minute, for a mere glance at his face. Two and a half years with your soulmate was a gift, but having him, losing him so young only meant that you had more years of your life to struggle on without him.

And sometimes you catch yourself staring at your mark, lost in thought. Touya was the one with all the plans, you were always just the tag along, happy to go anywhere so long as he was the one leading you. You wonder what he’d think if he could see you now. Not the Hero you’d let yourselves imagine, though you suppose you both knew deep down that was nothing more than a pipe dream for someone like you.

Gazing around your cramped, messy apartment, debating exactly how badly you need this shitty, barely-enough-to-scrape-by job, you can’t imagine he’d be impressed.

God knows your parents are disappointed, but that’s nothing new. The Quirkless daughter of two mid rank heroes – well, the only thing you ever had going for you was being Enji Todoroki’s future daughter in law, and everybody knows how that one ended.

But part of you likes to think that maybe Touya wouldn’t judge you too harshly for it. You’re doing the best you can. You’re surviving, all on your own, that has to count for something, doesn’t it?

There’s a text message awaiting you when you roll over and grab your phone.

Happy Birthday x

Natsuo never forgets. The rest of the Todoroki’s – you ceased to matter to them the day they buried an empty casket for their son. Natsuo’s the only one who bothers to check in on you, make sure that you’re keeping your head above the water. It’s usually just a message here and there, and he calls you on Touya’s birthday. And on the anniversary of his death.

It’s painful for him, but you suppose you’re the only tangible connection he has left of his brother.

You stare at the message for a moment longer, a strange feeling tugging at your heart. Typing out a quick reply, you set your phone down and fall back onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling with a sigh.

Today of all days, you’d honestly rather just roll over and let the hours pass you by, but your boss isn’t that forgiving and as much as you hate to admit it, you need this job.

The hotel’s already abuzz by the time you clock in, your manager’s jaw tight, a frown pinching at his face. As much as you don’t like him, you can’t exactly blame him for the bad mood – in less than three hours, the ballroom will be filled with a media circus and a plethora of pro heroes. Some big promotional event before the hero rankings are announced; you honestly don’t care.

It just means that everybody’s on edge, you’re gonna spend all day stuck in heels, smiling blandly while you serve people who won’t so much as look twice at you.

And then there’s the real reason you’re dreading today. 6’4”, blue eyed, broad shouldered, currently burning holes into you from across the ballroom while you carry around a platter of canapés. The last time you’d seen Enji Todoroki in person was two weeks after the funeral, and he’d ignored you entirely.

That was years ago; you weren’t even in your teens. Half of you had hoped that in his infinite arrogance and the complete lack of care he’d shown since his son’s death he would’ve forgotten about you entirely.

From the way he’s spent the last twenty minutes staring at you while bulldozing past reporters, though, you’re not feeling all that confident.

And for the life of you, you can’t figure out why your presence seems to be disturbing him so much, considering you’re really only there to serve and then fade into the background. It’s not like you’re chasing after him, demanding an autograph much less any kind of acknowledgement – you’re not exactly thrilled to be here either. Things work just fine with the two of you pretending the other doesn’t exist.

Does he think you’ve planned this? Some big ‘fuck you’ to try and mess with what you’re sure will be an announcement of his retainership of the number one position? Even while Touya was still alive, his father didn’t have a place in your life – he was off training his youngest, you barely saw him and you were glad for it.

While he might have hated him, some part of Touya still idolised him, craved his approval, but Enji had never been anything to you but a selfish, unfeeling monster. A bully.

But now he’s staring at you, slack jawed and wide eyed like he’s seen a ghost and it’s harder than you thought it would be to keep that smile plastered across your face knowing he’s watching your every move.

Your cheeks feels hot, and it only gets worse when you realise that Endeavor’s less than subtle behaviour is slowly but surely drawing attention from others in the room. A few curious reporters have shot you odd looks, heads cocked for a moment before dismissing you as just another waitress, hardly headline worthy.

The other heroes are less quick to brush you off. Mirko, current number five, elegantly clasping her glass of champagne in a gloved hand keeps shooting furtive glances between you and Enji, Gang Orca’s beady eyes following you across the floor, a flicker of what you’re fairly sure is concern maring his face.

It’s mortifying. Your smile is stretched and painful, your throat tight and you feel utterly exposed, but there’s nothing you can do. The flame hero doesn’t seem to care about the attention he’s drawing, or that with every passing minute it gets harder and harder for you to maintain that professional, customer service demeanour you need for this job.

And you’re beyond caring if he’s embarrassed to find his firstborn’s soulmate has sunk so low in his absence, you just want him to stop staring so you can finish your shift in peace. But it seems like the flame hero has other plans, because you’re just beginning to seriously weigh up your chances of keeping this job if you just up and walk off right here and now when Enji’s limited patience finally reaches its threshold.

He doesn’t bother offering excuses towards the poor reporter trying to pry an interview out of him, he just abruptly sets his drink down and starts stalking towards you. Rationally, you realise that with all these people here, he can’t make too much of a scene.

It’s just that even the thought of having to talk with him, to look into those blue eyes that are so painfully familiar yet wrong–

You can’t do it.

Not today.

And so you spin on your heel, stomach lurching. The silver tray in your hands stacked high with champagne teeters and falls, crystal glass shattering on the marble floors drawing gasps from the crowd. Endeavor calls out your name but you block him out, desperately weaving your way through the stunned mass of people.

Most of them give you a wide berth, likely due to the oversized hero barrelling after you. He calls your name again, louder this time. It’s not a scream, or a yell – it almost sounds pleading, though you can’t possibly imagine why. Endeavor doesn’t do pleading.

Your cheeks are burning; there’s too many people staring and hot tears begin to prickle at your eyes. A flash of red blurs past your field of vision and you start, a sharp squeak slipping out as a figure lands before you, blocking your exit.

Handsome with bushy eyebrows, dirty blonde hair messily brushed back and golden eyes gleaming; the hero in front of you would be impossible to mistake, even if it weren’t for the sweeping blood red wings sprouting from his back. Hawks, the current number two pro-hero and the only man standing between you and your fumbling escape.

Your body’s slow to catch up with your mind though, and as you try to stop, backpedal and side-step him at once your foot catches on your ankle. It’s instinctive, the way your arms fly up, wildly trying to catch yourself before you fall on your ass.

Just like you suppose it’s instinctive for him to rush forward to do the same.

It happens in a split second, your fingers brushing the skin of his neck just above the collar of his shirt, his hand grasping at your waist to steady you. Beneath his gloved hand a familiar burst of heat warms your skin.

Time slows to a crawl. The ballroom, all the gathered heroes and the press, your co-workers, they all fade into the background as your eyes dart to your fingertips, resting gently on the side of Hawks’ throat. There, a soft, inky black mark begins to unfurl spreading up to his jaw, disappearing below the collar of his turtleneck.

Over the quiet hum of the classical music playing in the background, you hear his breath catch.

He has you dipped, the two of you frozen as if in a dance and for a moment you dare to meet those piercing golden eyes. There’s a clicking sound, a camera shutter you distantly register, but while it makes your heart jump, Hawks pays it no mind.

He stares at you with impossibly wide eyes; open, vulnerable and raw.

And then he blinks, and that glimpse is gone, his grip tightening as he slowly sets you right. He doesn’t let you go, however.

“Hawks,” Enji’s tone is low and gruff, a warning this time.

Tension, thick and crackling with electricity hangs in the air between the three of you, amplified by the crowd of onlookers. All those journalists, chomping at the bit with the realisation of a juicy story playing out right in front of their eyes. Your name’s called out again, not by Endeavor, but by the reporter he’d cut off before – eyeing you now with an eager leer that has you recoiling back into Hawks’ embrace.

It’s enough to jerk the winged hero into action. His mouth finds your ear, his thumb sweeping soothingly along your side as he speaks low enough for only you to hear.

“You wanna leave, baby bird?”

You don’t remember nodding, but you must have, because in the space of a single heartbeat Hawks has you hoisted up in his arms, those powerful wings spreading wide – and you’re flying.

—

“I don’t think I have a job anymore,” you laugh drily, staring down at the city lights twinkling on the horizon.

Beside you, Hawks snorts in agreement, “Hell of a way to make an exit, though.”

He’s not wrong. You can only imagine what the tabloid headlines will say tomorrow ‘Pro Hero sweeps hotel waitress soulmate off her feet’ ‘Hawks mates for life; Endeavor jealous?’ Even if by some miracle your boss wasn’t intent on firing you on the spot, you’re not sure you can even bear to show your face there again.

It’ll be a pain though, trying to find a new job while your face is plastered across every less than reputable news outlet.

Perched atop the rooftop of Hawks’ hotel, halfway across the city, the wind ruffling gently through your hair, everything feels… surreal almost. It’s your birthday, and instead of crashing through the door of your apartment, exhausted and aching before falling face first onto your bed and not moving for the next few hours, you’re here. With the number two pro hero. Who, incidentally, is your second soulmate.

Having more than one soulmate, it’s not unheard of, just… rare.

And your hand’s entwined with his, his gloves long since discarded, his fleece lined jacket draped over your shoulders. Touya’s mark, long since blossomed across your inner wrist lies starkly between the two of you, unignorable.

“It was his son, wasn’t it?” he asks eventually, breaking the fragile silence as he toys with your fingers. When you nervously risk a glance up, Hawks doesn’t look angry or upset or even that jealous. Those golden eyes study your face with an odd kind of curiosity, but there’s no trace of resentment there. “Touya, the one who died. He was your soulmate.”

It’s not a question, but you find yourself nodding anyway. A part of you’s almost surprised he put it together so quickly, but you guess being a pro hero of that calibre requires a little more than just having a strong quirk.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, because what else can you say?

You can’t possibly imagine how he’s feeling right now, what thoughts are running through his head. You’d accepted a long time ago that while you’d love Touya Todoroki until your dying breath, he was gone; that chance of a fairytale happily ever after going with him. Another soulmate wasn’t something you’d ever considered, much less wasted time longing for.

And yet here you are, another mark inked across your skin and it feels wrong somehow, yet also completely right. Imagining being on the other foot; putting yourself in Hawks’ shoes – a pro hero soulmated to some insignificant, quirkless waitress, and not only that, but finding out she has another soulmate, somebody she loved before you, a ghost of a memory you’ll always be competing against… you honestly don’t know how you’d feel.

“Look at me,” he whispers, calloused fingers coaxing at your chin. Heart thrumming like a hummingbird's you comply, letting out another soft squeak as Hawks takes the hand still entwined with his and lifts it to his neck, right above his mark.

He smiles, nuzzling into the touch as your breath stutters. “You’re mine, aren’t you?” Again, you find yourself nodding without even really being conscious of it. It doesn’t seem to matter to Hawks though, whose smile widens at the sight of it. He leans in closer, his breath fanning across your face as molten pools of honey drink you in. You wonder if he can feel the way your pulse is racing under his touch, mixed emotions warring inside of you as he cups your cheek.

“And I’m yours. That’s all I care about, baby bird.”

He’s drawing you into a kiss before you can even comprehend the words, soft lips moving against yours. Gently at first, but that sweetness gives way to a burning urgency as he pulls you closer, holds you tighter.

Hawks kisses you like your lips hold salvation, and it’s frightening and thrilling and it feels like every nerve in your body is electrified when his teeth catch at your bottom lip and he moans your name.

There’s some part of you that realises that you’re moving too fast – soulmates or not he’s practically a stranger – but as you break for air, panting and breathless and Hawks looks at you with those burning, beautiful eyes; you’re helpless to resist.

“Keigo,” he tells you as he lays you down on his bed, crawling up between your thighs with a gleaming, hungry smirk that’s nothing less than predatory, “Call me Keigo.”

#yandere bnha #yandere hawks x reader #yandere dabi x reader #yandere keigo takami x reader #yandere touya todoroki x reader #tw character ‘death’#tw dub con #soulmate au #I’m not even sorry #except I am #lmao last one I promise

714 notes · View notes

babymetaldoll · 4 years ago

Text

DIWK - Chapter one: "Yes, I'm a genius"

Word count: 10,5 K

Warnings: Cursing, but it's mostly a fluffy nerdy start to our story. Mentions of the L.D.S.K episode (Season 1, E06) and A real Rain (Season 1, E17).

Summary: Spencer meets the BAU new member, a young S.S.A. who happens to be just as nerdy as he is. (Y/N) is excited to join her dream job finally, but she is decided to create an imaginary barrier between her personal life and her job 'cos she doesn't want to make the same mistakes her father had done.

A/N: It's happening!!! I'm so excited!! I'm sorry it's gonna be long, so I hope you enjoy the ride 💕. Let me know what you think!

Series Masterlist

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅༻❁༺┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

Spencer's point of view

I remember everything that happened the day (Y/N) first arrived at the BAU. It was Monday, November 7th, 2005. Morgan had teased me for a whole week already, as soon as Hotch told us a new member of the team had been selected.

I first saw her when she had her last interview with Aaron and Gideon. My eyes were glued to her from the moment she stepped into the bullpen, and of course, Derek saw me.

- "What caught your eye, kid?"- he asked, walking to my desk. He sat on it and cut me one of his smirks, telling me he knew something was going on. I cleared my throat, trying to turn to my pile of paperwork, going through the papers, and narrowing my eyes, pretending to read.

- "What?"- I know I couldn't fool him, but at least I tried.

- "Do you know her?"

- "Who?"- Morgan looked at me in silence. He knew I knew what he was talking about- "The... no, Hotch is talking with someone..."

I was completely flustered.

- "That I can see, do you know her?"

- "No..."- I whispered and looked over again, this time staring at the scene inside the office, trying to figure out what they were talking about.

I could see (Y/N) smiling at Hotch, and he... smiled back, which still surprises me. Our Unit Chief never smiles in the office, and somehow, (Y/N) always manages to make him grin and express tenderness. I guess that's one of the things about her I love, the way she always manages- somehow, I still don't know how- to make everybody around her happy. Especially me. I had never been as happy as I've been since I met her.

- "Hey, Hotch!"- Morgan waited until she was into the elevator to call Aaron and start asking questions- Who is she?

- "That's Supervisory Special Agent (Y/F/N) (Y/S/N) (Y/L/N), and she is going to be part of the team, starting next week."

My heart stopped. (Y/N) was gonna work with me. I was never going to have another intelligible thought or idea if she was going to be around. Of that, I was sure.

Derek turned to me with a grimace of taunt as I tried my best to look away and hide my red blushed cheeks. Damn it. I hate it when he makes me feel like a kid. He did that then, and he still manages to do it now, even when I'm already thirty years old.

- "Did you hear that, pretty boy?"- I was so glad it was just him and Hotch. I didn't want anyone else to listen to that conversation- "You are going to get many chances to talk with that pretty girl."

- "We are going to have to go through the fraternization policy then."- Hotch joked. Yes, he joked and smiled as he walked away.

I could barely talk or even look at her during her whole first day. I was so embarrassed that week 'cos I had just failed my firearm qualification, and I knew everybody was judging me. At least that's how I felt. It didn't work that Morgan welcomed me that morning with a freaking whistle. I felt like the mockery of a Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and of all days, (Y/N) had to arrive that morning.

We had a long briefing that day, JJ catching (Y/N) up with a few cases we were reviewing, and Hotch gave her the proper induction to the team. Penelope loved her. It was friendship at first sight.

- "I'm so happy you are here to stay! There aren't enough girls here at the BAU!"- she nearly squeaked as soon as we left the meeting room- "I want to know everything about you! We are going to be best friends. I can feel it!"- (Y/N) smiled at Garcia and nodded.

- "If you are a cat lover and a sucker for nerdy things, then I guess we are already family."

Her answer made Penelope shriek in excitement as I walked back to my desk quickly. I knew Derek wasn't going to waste the chance to embarrass me in front of her, and I needed to avoid it no matter what.

- "Considering it's your first day, and so far we haven't got a case, I say we should all have lunch together. There's a small place nearby"- Morgan smiled sweetly at (Y/N), and she nodded.

- "I'd love to."

- "Spencer here was just telling me how he wanted to know how you got to the BAU so young; he is excited not to be the team's baby anymore"- I turned to Morgan slowly. I swear he could feel the daggers from my eyes.

- "How old are you?"- she asked, and her smile left me speechless. I tried to answer, but I couldn't make any sound but an awkward stutter.

- "He's twenty-four"- Elle had to answer for me, 'cos I had literally lost all my verbal abilities- "His birthday was a few weeks ago."

- "Congratulations! I'm twenty-four too! I'm so happy I'm not the youngest! My brother teased me about it for the last couple of days and got me all freaked out."

She looked so happy to be there. When you spend day after day surrounded by the worst of humankind, you seem to enjoy and appreciate the little gentle things in life. Her excitement was one of those. It was refreshing.

- "That's..."- it was so hard to pronounce any word at that moment. I was flustered and mortified 'cos I was making a fool out of myself.

- "That's great."

That was all I managed to say. Then, I looked down at the papers on my desk, doing my best to avoid any conversation. JJ and Elle talked to her for a few more minutes before returning to their duties, and Derek tapped my back as he walked to his desk.

- "Way to go, Romeo."

- "Shut up."

We never made it for lunch that day, 'cos we were called for a case in Illinois, and I was embarrassed in front of (Y/N) for the very first time. The first of many.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I could never forget the day I met Spencer. We were just kids. We were both twenty-four, and that was the first thing that caught everybody's attention on my first day at the BAU. We were the youngest, though he was a genius. I was an average kid who graduated high school at sixteen, got good grades at college, and got into the academy at twenty. Somehow I managed to kick ass until I got the position of my dreams in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I felt too young and inexperienced to be there, but seeing Reid's face made me feel a little better.

Hotch introduced me to everybody: Morgan, JJ, Elle, Penelope, Gideon -the legend- and Doctor Spencer Reid. He didn't shake my hand, explaining he has a "germs thing." I waved and said I understood him because I've always had a "hug thing," so we are both on the same page.

- "I don't like people touching me if we are not close friends or family."- I explained, and he smiled right away. That smile. It lit up my days for years to come.

- "Me neither, so don't worry, I'm not gonna try to touch you"- I bit my lips as I nodded, and his cheeks turned blood red with embarrassment immediately

- "Sorry, I mean, I'm not going to do anything that might bother you, like hugging you or..."

- "Don't worry, Dr. Reid, I understood what you were trying to say"- he kept nodding and excusing himself, and I tried not to laugh. He seemed to be so nervous it was endearing.

- "You... you can call me Spencer, or Reid"- he added- "You don't need to call me doctor."

- "You can call me (Y/N)"- and he nodded again, looking like a ten years old kid.

I remember clearly that second, right away, I thought he could be my new best friend. There was something about him that made me want to get closer to him.

- "Great! Now we've got two weird kids."- Morgan quickly said, chuckling, and I frowned at his words. I wanted to give him the snarkiest answer, but I remembered it was my first day, and I was still trying to give a good impression to my new coworkers, so I just stared.

- "You know, treating them like kids won't make you look wiser."- Elle whispered, though I heard her perfectly, as Hotch called to the briefing room.

- "I'm just joking with them! Don't you get a joke?"

I thought it was rude to joke around with someone you had just met, but soon after that, I realized Derek Morgan meant no harm. He was like that. And soon, he became the older brother I never thought I was going to need at work. After all, it was my first official job, and it was a very stressful one.

My first case was nerve-wracking. Gideon snapped in front of me, and I felt I wasn't helping at all catching the sniper. We are not supposed to use that word, but fuck it. Besides, Spencer and Hotch were kept hostage by the unsub. And Aaron had to beat the shit out of Reid to save all the hostages. Reid was so embarrassed, and I was so scared.

Scared of looking weak in front of my team. Afraid of not deserve being at the BAU.

I remember Elle brought me a coffee on the jet on our way back and said the words that resonated in my head when she left.

- "No one expects you to be perfect at what you do. We just need someone who gives the best every day."

I looked into her eyes and nodded. That was one of the few intimate conversations we had. Elle wasn't the one to open her heart and share her feelings. But she was always someone who could tell you the truth and support you when you needed it.

- "Hey! Reid!"- I waved at him from my car as I stopped next to him outside the BAU. It was already two in the morning, and he was outside the main building waiting for a cab.

- "Hey (Y/N)."- he whispered as I rolled up the window and looked at him.

- "Do you need a ride?"

- "No... no, thank you"- he hesitated and waved- "I already called a cab."

- "Are you sure? it's gonna start raining any minute now."

And just as I predicted, a few seconds later, Spencer's glasses were covered with tiny drops of water. He smiled and took a step closer to the car, opened the door, and got in.

- "Th... thank you"- he whispered as I smiled

- "It's ok, I couldn't let you there, on your own, waiting for a cab, not after coming back from a case."

- "I'm ok..."- maybe he thought I was implying the beating he got from Aaron earlier that day, so I did my best to tell him otherwise.

- "I bet you are, but it's fucking freezing, and we are all tired. There's no way you are waiting for a cab if I can drive you over... what about your car, by the way?"

- "I'm not a fan of driving; I take the subway to work every day."

- "Really? Why not?"- I was surprised by his answer, but I was way more surprised we were talking, finally.

- "I don't know, I don't feel comfortable driving... the guys say I'm weird."

I turned to him, raising an eyebrow. He looked so nervous it made me feel bad. Maybe I had done something that had bothered him and never noticed it.

- "That's not weird"- my voice was soft, trying to calm him down. Spencer looked like a scared kitten sitting on my car's passenger seat.

- "If you don't like driving, that's ok... I don't like talking on the phone with people. It makes me anxious for no reason."- I confessed, keeping my eyes on the road. But I know he turned to me and nodded.

- "That's completely normal. It's called "telephone phobia" or "phone phobia," which refers to the irrational fear or discomfort with speaking over the phone. Psychologists believe that this condition is related to social anxiety, which causes a person to avoid situations where they will need to act. Making a call is essentially a performance, and some people dread making a mistake, freezing up, being ridiculed, or not being able to perform in front of an audience."

- "Really?"- he just nodded and kept his eyes on the road- "I didn't know it had a name! My insurance should cover it."

And he finally laughed, which made me feel he was maybe a little more relaxed around me.

- "This is me."- he announced, and I parked outside his building. It was a nice place, and conveniently, it was very close to my house.

- "Great! I live just a few blocks away. I can give you a ride to work whenever you want"- I might have sounded a little more excited than I should have, but I wanted to be friends with him. He was the closest in age with me at work, and he looked so shy and friendly. He was a magnet. Spencer Reid was calling for my friendship. I could feel it.

- "Th.. thanks"- he stuttered and nodded as he opened the door and step out of the car- "Thank you, again."

- "You are very welcome!"- I answered with a big smile. He stared at me for another second and waved before turning around, basically running into the building.

I wish I could go back in time to those days. Everything was more uncomplicated, we were getting to know each other, and everything was brand new: Reid's rambling, my bad jokes. I miss that. I miss us.

It wasn't easy to get close to Spencer. It wasn't easy to get close to the team, probably 'cos I was overthinking every single thing I did. In my first couple of weeks, I was as friendly as I have ever been and made my best to be the (Y/N) I had to be as an FBI Agent. I was making a tremendous effort to fit it. I was nervous and walking on eggshells the whole time. Every time Hotch talked to me, I was sure he would tell me I was fired. When Gideon looked at me, I was sure he thought I was the dumbest agent he had ever met. And every time I spoke at the morning briefings, I just could feel Spencer thinking I was stupid.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)! I was looking for you!"- Penelope ran into me outside the lady's room and jumped on my face, making me scream- "Sorry!"

- "It's ok, you just almost killed me of a heart attack, but that's ok... I'll survive."- I joked as I kept feeling my heart jumping in my chest.

- "Sorry, I'm just excited 'cos everybody is in for a little gathering tonight at my house. I need to give you a proper welcome! You've already been here for nearly a month, and we still don't get to know much of you."

Hanging out with my coworkers outside the office was strange. Not that I didn't want to get to meet them, it's just that... they were FBI agents. Sure, so was I, but it was my first official Supervisory Special Agent job, and I was only twenty-four. There were so many of my teenage days I still wasn't ready to let go. And so much of it, I didn't want them to know.

- "Sure!"- I replied and smiled at her face lighting up. You could tell Penelope was excited to host a party at her house.

- "Great! Tonight! my place! I'll text you the address! you have to be there!"

- "I will, I swear!"

Spencer's point of view

Oh, man! The first time I actually talked to (Y/N) was on a get-together Penelope organized at her apartment a few weeks after (Y/N) joined the team. Garcia made an effort to make her feel welcome, she even invited Elle, and we all knew those two weren't incredibly close.

Derek drove Elle and me to Penelope's, and I was mortified every minute I spent in that car. He wouldn't stop teasing me, and Elle asked over and over if I had a crush on (Y/N).

- "No! I don't have a crush on her! can you knock it off?!"- I finally snapped as I got off the car outside Garcia's building.

- "Just because she is my age doesn't mean I have or should have a crush on her! she is our new colleague! so please! Stop!"

I slammed the door and walked inside. Did I make an unnecessary scene? Yes, but I couldn't handle anything better at that moment. They were driving me crazy.

- "Welcome! Welcome!"- Penelope opened the door and invited us in. (Y/N), and JJ were already there, holding a beer and laughing. I stared at the two of them and knew I wasn't going to say a word the whole evening.

Back then, I still had a small crush on JJ. We had a terrible date after Gideon gave me tickets for a football game with her favorite team. That was his way to encourage me to ask her out, which I did... but apparently, I sucked at it, 'cos she never got it was a date and invited Penelope to come along. Worst date of my life. But still, I got flustered around her, and my mind kept coming back to her from time to time.

- "So, pretty girl, why did you want to be part of the FBI?"- Morgan asked her after a while of small talk. She was sitting on Garcia's coach, next to our host and JJ. I turned to look at her from my chair, and I swear I felt Elle's eyes on me for a few seconds.

- "Do you usually call girls names?"- (Y/N) answered the questions with another question and frowned at Morgan. He just wide opened his eyes and smiled, surprised.

- "He calls everybody names."- JJ replied, chuckling

- "Hey! he calls me sweet names! Just me!"- Penelope got all jealous and possessive right away.

- "Did you know according to some studies, the reason people in relationships use pet names for their partners is that they're harking back to their own childhood experience and their first love, which usually relates to their mother"- facts came out of my mouth faster than I noticed. I didn't have a chance to stop myself.

Derek frowned right away and (Y/N) bit her lips, trying not to laugh. Elle lost that fight and let out a burst of loud laughter along with JJ.

- "Are you trying to tell me I've got mommy issues, Reid?"

- "No, no, of course not!"- my voice was agitated as I shook my head and hands frenetically. If there's one thing I never want to do is get Morgan mad. He is scary when he is crossed, and back then, we weren't as close as we are now. Let's say I was a little afraid I might say the wrong thing. I always said the wrong thing... I don't know when to stop.

- "I call people pet-names too, once I get to know them, so don't worry"- (Y/N) smiled at turned to Derek with a smile- "And to answer your question, why did I join the FBI? I guess I tried to follow dad's steps. He is chief of police here at Quantico... and my older brother is a detective at NYPD, so... I guess I never really thought about it. I knew where I wanted to be."

- "I bet they are proud"- JJ smiled at her, and I held my breath for a second. I don't know why I did it; I just remember feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. Not because of JJ, but because I wanted to learn more about (Y/N). I wanted to know everything, but I had no idea how to ask her anything.

- "Well, my brother is very jealous since I joined the BAU"- she chuckled with a playful smile- "Now I'm dad's favorite."

She told us about her academy experience, and we all told her a little bit about ourselves. Morgan was nice enough to tell her everything about my degrees and IQ because, well, my IQ dropped to twenty when it was my turn to talk to her.

I found out she has a MA in Linguistics and was considering doing the DA, which she did. That's when I managed to speak, and we talked about our college experiences for a while.

- "Oh, no! I wasn't popular at all. When your dad is a cop, kids usually don't wanna talk to you or invite you to parties."- she explained as we stood at one side of the room. Talking to her on our own was a little bit easier than doing it with everybody else watching. I don't know why. So I took my opportunity when Derek was out getting more beer with Elle, and JJ and Garcia were in the kitchen.

- "Being fourteen and riding my bike to college didn't make me very popular either."- I confessed, and she chuckled

- "Sorry."

- "Don't be"- I smiled and looked down at my shoes- "I guess at a certain point in our lives, we have to start laughing about some of the bad things that happened to us"- her cellphone rang that second, and she looked at the screen with a small smile.

- "Sorry, I have to answer this, it's my boyfriend."

Boyfriend. I should have seen it coming.

I walked to the kitchen, defeated, and sighed. I left my empty can of Coke and looked at my friends.

- "I think I'm gonna go home."

- "What? No! It's too early, Spence!!"- JJ argued right away- "You never want to hang out with us outside work!"

- "Yeah!! Don't you want to have fun with us?"- Garcia begged and pouted. I wasn't sure I wanted to be there. I was very uncomfortable 'cos social gatherings weren't my thing (they are still not my thing anyway) until I heard her voice.

- "So, what are you guys doing?"- (Y/N) walked over and stood next to me

- "Who were you talking to?"- Penelope asked right away with a wink.

- "My boyfriend"- she was joyful, I could feel the happiness in her voice- "He just wanted to know if I was ok."

- "Boyfriend?"- JJ smiled, and I could feel her eyes glance over me.

- "I need to know everything!"- and Penelope hyperventilated right away- "How long have you been dating? Are you getting married soon? Is he the love of your life?"

- "Who's getting married?"- Morgan walked in and wide opened his eyes as he questioned the room.

- "(Y/N) is getting married!!"- Penelope nearly shrieked as (Y/N) shook her head laughing.

- "I'm not getting married! Paul and I started dating just a month ago; it's nothing serious."

I took a sip of the beer Elle gave me and sighed, staring at the bottle. I made my best not to look at Derek for the rest of the night. I didn't want him to give me any sorry glance or anything that might make anyone believe something that wasn't real.

It was a fun night, after all. After my beer, we talked; I felt a little looser and managed to ask (Y/N) about herself and told her I had overheard her telling Garcia she was a sucker for all nerd things.

- "Yeah, I'm a huge nerd"- her cheeks blushed with her confession.

- "I bet you can't beat baby genius here"- Morgan chuckled and tapped in my back, making everybody laugh... at me.

- "I've got the feeling I can top him... you have no idea the kind of geek I am"- she looked straight at me- "How many Star Wars conventions have you been to this year?"

- "Just one, you?"- I raised an eyebrow and watched her chuckle.

- "Five... last two I was in make-up and custom"- I wide opened my eyes as she bit her lips nervously.

- "And Doctor Who conventions?"- I asked her, way more intrigued than I had been about her before.

- "Only two this year, the academy and school got in the way of most of my fun..."

- "Do you have a favorite doctor?"- I had to ask

- "From the new series, ten, the classic Doctor who I have to say four."

- "Tom Baker is by far my favorite doctor of the whole series."

- "But you can't overlook the fantastic job David Tennant has done! He is the one who managed to charm a whole new generation with the show!"

- "Yeah, he is excellent! but he ain't no Baker"- I loved that conversation

- "Baker's popularity is 80% because he had Sara Jane, who is by far one of the best companions the doctor has ever had. She made him human and relatable"- she had a point, but I needed to argue with her. I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't because Morgan's voice was louder than my thoughts.

- "Ok, geeks, you can ramble about your tv shows and nerd things some other time, now let's make a toast. To our newest member, we hope you feel welcome working with us, 'cos you are gonna see us way more than you see your boyfriend"- she chuckled at those words and nodded.

- "Thank you, guys. You have been so nice to me these couple of weeks. I've got the feeling we are gonna get along."

- "Do you need a ride?"- (Y/N) turned to me as I grabbed my satchel, and she put on her coat.

- "Thanks, but Morgan is gonna take me home."- I whispered, scared to be alone with her again.

- "Actually, kid, I was planning to hit the club right now, it's still early, and we don't get many free nights, so..."- he looked at us and shrugged.

- "You don't mind?"- I asked her, and she gave me the warmest smile.

- "I just offered to do it, of course, I don't mind at all."

- "Thank you."

I didn't know if I wanted to kill Morgan or thank him. Either way, (Y/N) waved goodbye to everybody and walked out of Garcia's with me, after thanking everybody for the hundredth time for everything.

- "Are you tired?"- she asked me as we both sat in her car. She started it, and the music that came from the radio was so loud, I nearly covered my ears- "Sorry! Sorry! I was rocking my favorite album on my way over."

She quickly turned off the radio and gave me a guilty smile

- "It happens when you drive alone a lot."

- "Did you know listening to loud music helps you liberate stress?"- I started rambling- "There is a direct connection between your inner ear and the pleasure centers in the brain. Shortly explained, when you listen to loud music, endorphins are released, that act on the opiate receptors in our brains, they reduce pain and boost pleasure, resulting in a feeling of well-being."

If I was going to work with her, I had to find a way to talk to her. Even if that way was to ramble facts over and over again. Anything was better than silences, I guess.

- "Yeah! and it also works like a stimulant, which I needed after the week we just had..."- I chuckled, and she looked at me for a second- "By the way, I noticed you have a problem with coffee and sugar"

- "I don't have a problem with coffee!"- I felt nearly judged by her statement.

- "And sugar!"- she added and snickered

- "You know you shouldn't profile other profilers"- I made my best to make a joke, and I guess I nailed it, 'cos she chuckled.

- "That's hardly profiling, Reid! that's just watching you prepare your coffee every morning"

- "Have you been spying on me?"- I could help but to chuckle at that conversation. I was having fun.

- "No way on earth! I just happen to like to drink coffee too, which leads us to the question I wanted to ask, it's still early; Morgan was right, do you want to have a coffee or something... I'm in the mood for something sweet."

- "And you were judging me for my coffee with extra sugar!"

- "I'm not judging you! I'm just pointing out that I noticed what you are doing and wondering how many cavities you already have."

I laughed. An honest, real, pure laughter. She has always made me laugh as I've never had. Like there are no problems, no worries, no traumas. Nothing bad.

- "I have no cavities, thank you very much!"

- "Fine! and are you in the mood for a late coffee and cupcake with me?"- I stayed quiet and looked at her- Don't feel pushed to do it just because I'm giving you a drive

- "No, no, it's not that. I just don't wanna bother you"

- "If I am inviting you, Reid, it's because I want to do it, not because I'm feeling forced to do it"- she kept her eyes on the road, but her voice was so reassuring I couldn't doubt a word.

- "Wouldn't your boyfriend get mad or something?"- I whispered the question 'cos I was scared of the answer.

- "Why should he?"- she looked shocked by the questions- "If he gets jealous, then he is not the guy for me."

I cut her a short smile and nodded. Her personality was so different from mine. It was exciting to have her around.

- "I could eat a donut"- and she clapped at my answer, thrilled with the plan.

- "That's the spirit! I know just the place!"

We talked until four in the morning that night. I don't know how I managed to do it, not because I was tired, but because I was very nervous. Well, I was at the beginning, but talking with (Y/N) has always come easy to me, somehow. To the guy who was never able to speak in public or with any girl, spending three hours in a cafeteria talking, eating donuts, and drinking coffee in the middle of the night was the most significant achievement.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "How do you know a place open at this hour?"- Spencer asked me the very first time we were out together for coffee. It was already close to four in the morning, and I had started yawning, 'cos even with all the sugar and caffeine I had consumed that night, I was weary.

- "Sorry to break the news, doctor, but are not the only one with a sugar problem"- I licked a little frosting from my finger and grinned- "Sometimes after classes, or when I was too stressed studying, I would come here, get a coffee, a cupcake and just... do nothing for a while, just to let my brain rest I guess"

- "That makes total sense. The brain needs free time to process new information and turn it into something more permanent. Though the amount of time a mind needs to construct a durable memory probably varies from one person to the next, it also depends on the complexity of what that person is trying to learn"

- "Well, believe me, it felt like I needed two weeks to process all the information, but I only had half an hour if I was lucky"

- "Then you are already trained for this work. We don't have much time to do anything when we are on a case"

- "That's what I've seen so far... but at least you all get along. It would suck to be stuck in a team that fight egos and divisions."

- "Yeah, you are right, we are lucky to have very nice people working with us... everybody brings something different to the team"- I nodded at his words and looked down at my fingers as I tried to wipe the leftover sticky glazed with a napkin.

I had been working there for four weeks already, and I still felt like I didn't belong. Honestly, it was such hard work being there, not because they weren't a great team, but because it was more challenging than I ever imagined. Profiling and traveling all over the nation catching serial killers was... stressing, to say the least.

- "You bring a completely different point of view in every case"- he continued speaking and looked down at his cup- "And your knowledge in Linguistics adds more information to the profiles, which helps working faster and better."

I held my breath at his words. I knew he was just polite, just trying to make me feel better about my job performance these weeks.

- "I can assure you, you have been an incredible addition to the team"- he stayed quiet for a second, still just staring at his cup.

- "Thank you."

- "It's true; I'm not telling you this 'cos I think you need to hear it. I wanted you to know 'cos that's how we all feel."

I know I was blushing. I don't know how to take a compliment. Not that I get many, but it's always weird to hear someone telling you so nice things about your work.

- "Thank you, Spencer"- he finally looked at me and nodded. We stayed in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what else to say, and he seemed to be embarrassed.

- "Thank you, actually"- he finally whispered.

- "Why? I didn't do anything"- I was confused, but he was earnest about his words.

- "Thank you, 'cos you have been very nice to me, even though I am a barely tolerable person."

- "What? Barely tolerable? What the hell are you saying?"

- "I mean, I know I drive people crazy 'cos I am always rambling and giving unnecessary facts all the time"- I narrowed my eyebrows, not getting why he was saying those things.

- "You do not do that."

- "Maybe you haven't been here long enough to realize I am always giving facts, and..."- he was honest. He actually believed people were annoyed by him. It hurt me to know that's what he thought of himself.

- "I realized that within the first three hours into the job, but I think that's amazing."

- "People would always say it's annoying."

- "Why would they say that?"

- "Because... I know they do."

- "Well, whoever says or thinks that are assholes, I like your rambling."

Reid snorted, and I hit his arm with my knuckles softly. I really felt bad he was so insecure, and most of all, he thought everybody hated him.

- "I mean it, Spencer, I wish I knew half the things you know, and if being with you means having to listen to your rambling, I think it's incredible, 'cos it gives me the chance to soak some of that knowledge."

The way he smiled, it was like his whole face lit up. He blushed, obviously embarrassed, and it also blushed me, 'cos he was gorgeous when he smiled.

- "So please, don't stop the facts, not with me"- he nodded and sipped what was left of his coffee.

After another few minutes, we left, and I drove him home. We were in a small sugar rush; we were too tired to have a full effect. I knew all I wanted was my bed and sleep the whole weekend.

- "I had a great time tonight"- I parked my car outside his building and smiled- "At Penelope's and with you"

I was so excited we had finally talked and gotten closer. I wanted to be friends with him so badly. Why? I don't know. I just knew I needed him in my life, from that minute on.

- "I had a great time too"- he smiled and held his satchel- "See you Monday"

- "Yeah! See ya!"

- "Drive safe!"

- "I will!"

I got home that night and laid on my bed, fully dressed. I barely took off my shoes and fell asleep right away. I was too tired to think, too tired even to put on my pajamas. But I wasn't too tired to remember Spencer's smile while he ate donuts. His dorky glasses, the way he gesticulated everything he said when he was excited about a subject. I was glad I had finally gotten to talk to him for once. And I couldn't wait to do it again.

Back then, Paul and I had just started dating. I wasn't in love with him, but he was a nice, funny guy I loved spending time with. I met Paul a couple of months ago at a friend's party. He was fun to be with, and we had a lot of things in common. We were both into music. He had a band, I didn't back then, but eventually got mine over time. He was like me, nothing like my friends at the BAU.

I thought that was cool, 'cos he represented a part of me I didn't want to lose working at the FBI. I was terrified I was going to lose myself in my new job. I saw how it affected dad's and my brother's life, how they were consumed by it in almost every single way. It was why my parents got divorced. It was why my brother couldn't keep a girlfriend for longer than a few months. 'Cos work was first, and their job was everything. The crazy hours, having to answer every call, no matter how busy you were. I thought it was sick how work could be your whole life. I was decided not to let it happen.

Yeah. I had no idea what I was getting into.

Soon after I joined the BAU, the nightmares began. I guess nothing prepares you to see so many people die. And nothing prepares you to kill someone, no matter if that someone is a child abuser.

I took the shoot, didn't even hesitate. It went right between his eyes. It was him or me, I know that. He was going to kill me. But still, it was hard.

Derek turned to me as I stayed still, in shock. It took me a few seconds to even breathe. I had just killed a person. It wasn't just some random thing.

- "(Y/N), are you ok?"- he landed a hand on my shoulder, and I quickly nodded.

- "Yeah, I'm ok... that was fast"- it was all I could say and turned to him. He gave me a short warm smile and wrapped an arm around me. I flinched at his touch right away and held my breath again. I don't know if he felt it, but still, he didn't let me go.

Derek has that thing when he doesn't care if you want it or no; he will give you his love and friendship when he feels you deserve it. I guess I'm lucky to call him my friend. And he really pushed that hug thing I still have.

- "Are you ok?- Spencer's voice was a sweet whisper. He sat carefully next to me in the jet and gave me a warm cup of tea- "I made you the one you like"

Of course, he had noticed my favorite brand, 'cos that's what Spencer does, he takes mental notes of everything and never, ever forgets. I wonder if that's a good thing or not. I guess it depends on what you remember.

- "Yeah, just tired"- working at the BAU, you can hide any kind of feeling behind the "I'm so tired" excuse. Mostly because we are indeed tired the whole time.

- "It was an extreme case"- I sipped my cup of tea and nodded at his words- "Do you..."

- "No, I'm ok, I don't wanna talk about it"- he bit his lips as he smiled. We both stayed quiet for a while. He read (somehow, at a relative normal peace), and I drank my tea. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so I just looked outside and tried not to think about the unsub's face and how he looked when I killed him.

- "How was your first time?"- I finally asked him, and I think my question caught him by surprise, 'cos he nearly jumped on his seat- "Not your first time in the sack, the first time you had to..."

- "No, I got it, I got it"- he was already blushing, it was adorable- "My first time was actually the first time you drove me home"

- "Really?"

- "Yeah"- he made a pause and gathered his thoughts, I guess- "I didn't really go out to the field a lot before 'cos I didn't have my firearm qualification"

And suddenly I remembered how embarrassed he was about it on my first day at the BAU. Derek made sure everybody knew about it 'cos he thought it was hilarious. And I thought he was a jerk for making fun of him.

- "And did it affect you?"- it was a stupid question. I knew Spencer was a sensitive person; of course, killing someone was going to affect him in many ways- "I mean, how did it affect you?"

- "I couldn't feel anything at first"

- "Shock?"- he nodded and sighed- "Gideon said that maybe I didn't know what I felt and that's why I thought I didn't feel a thing, but that wasn't it, it was like I was numbed inside... but then when it hits you"- he murmured- "And you can't stop thinking about it"

- "I think it hit me sooner than I thought"- I closed my eyes and sighed, but even then, I could feel those empty dead eyes staring at me.

- "Wanna know what helped me?"- Spencer's voice was velvety and soothing. It felt relaxing talking to him.

- "What?"- I whispered and turned to look at him

- "Remember two things: you did what you had to do"- I sighed at that with a small smile. It didn't sound like something I could believe at that moment.

- "And the second?"

- "A lot of kids are alive and safe because of you"

Now, that made me feel a lot better. Reid was right. I did what I had to do to help people. That guy wasn't going to stop.

- "Thanks"- I managed to give him a slight smile, and he did the same.

- "I'm here to talk if you want to"

It felt like he was really making an effort to say those words. I didn't know why it was still so hard for him to talk to me. Maybe it was still a sensitive subject for him, so I did what I do best: I joked about it.

- "Thank you... I'll try to avoid the issue as much as I can, but when I collapse under the pressure, I promise I'll come to you"- he chuckled at my answer and nodded right away.

- "Great plan."

And a few days later, I couldn't sleep anymore. I kept waking up to those eyes. I kept feeling guilty for killing a child abuser who was trying to kill me. I relived in my mind that moment over and over again.

- "Babe, come back to bed"- Paul found me sitting by the kitchen island staring at a herbal teacup at two am. It was my third insomnia night.

- "Yeah, I'll be right there"- he turned to walk back to the room but hesitated and looked at me again.

- "Do you want to talk about it?"- I shook my head, still not taking my eyes from the cup. He slowly walked to me and held my hand - "Come on, babe, everything looks worse at two am."

And he was right. Everything seemed to be worse when it came to my mind in the middle of the night. But it didn't get any better during the day either. He cuddled with me in my bed and fell asleep soon after. I just stayed there, feeling his chest moving softly with his soft breathing, thinking I had killed someone, and it wasn't going to be the last time I was going to face something like this.

Spencer's point of you

Do you want to know something sad? I was excited we had an unsub in New York 'cos I had never been there. Back then, I didn't know my colleagues were going to tease me about it. I didn't give it too much thought. I honestly wasn't good at leaving my house when we weren't in a case. Most of my traveling had been due to work, and other than La Vegas and Pasadena, I hadn't been to many cities just to sightsee.

Why am I thinking about that right now? 'cos we were in New York the day (Y/N) gave me her first gift.

Everybody had made fun of me during dinner because I didn't know how to eat with chopsticks. JJ tried to teach me, which also caused hours of Morgan's teasing for the rest of the trip. Thankfully, they dropped the jokes when we went back to the police station to take one last look at the profile after we got a call out unsub had killed a cop this time.

But after two hours of thinking, neither of us was honestly able to give any new idea to the case. Hotch insisted we head back to the hotel to have some rest. (Y/N) was one of the last ones to leave, along with Gideon and me.

- "Stop looking at the board"- she said, standing by my side, bag in hand- "Let's go. Your big brain needs to rest."

- "I won't be able to sleep knowing I'm missing something"- I answered, not taking my eyes from the board

- "Come on"- (Y/N) playfully hit my arm- "You need your eight hours of sleep to be a fully functional genius"

- "You should try to get a full night's sleep as well"- I turned to her and watched her eyes widen- "What? Do you think I didn't notice you haven't been sleeping?"

- "No, but I thought you were going to wait until I had a mental breakdown to force me to talk about it; that was the plan, right?"

I tried not to laugh, but it was hard; she is so funny, though I knew that was a sensitive subject, it had been weeks since the incident, and it was clear (Y/N) wasn't processing everything right. If anything, her jokes were a coping mechanism to avoid talking or even thinking about what had happened.

- "We can also talk about it, just... talk"

- "I know what happens with me, Reid"- she whispered and looked around. Gideon was outside, no way near us, but still, she kept her voice low. It made me see she was scared he would hear her, 'cos she didn't want him to think she was weak.

- "I guess I just have to make peace with it. It was gonna happen, and it will happen again, it's my job, it's part of what I do, end of it."

I looked at her and nodded in silence. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't shake the thought she was going to laugh at me.

- "Do you want to?"- I made a pause and took a deep breath. Yes, I was very nervous- "Do you want to walk back to the hotel? it's just a few blocks and maybe... fresh air can help you relax?"

I didn't mean to hesitate so much, but it was scary for me to ask her to spend time on our own. I don't know why. It wasn't just with her; it happened with everybody at that point in my life. I was sure no one wanted to spend time with me. Why would they?

- "Can we have a midnight cupcake?"- she asked and smiled. I bit my lips and pretended to give the idea a lot of thinking, though I was craving donuts ever since we didn't have time for dessert at dinner.

- "Just one, and no coffee"

- "What are you? The sleeping police?"- she teased me and led the way. We waved at Gideon and walked outside the police station.

For a rainy night, it was freezing. But I didn't care much. I was too busy looking around, it was technically my first night out in New York, and though I was just leaving work and walking back to the hotel, it was the biggest adventure I have had there so far.

For the first couple of minutes, we walked in silence. (Y/N) looked at her feet, hands stuffed in her pocket as I walked next to her, holding my umbrella for the two of us. I tried to take in everything that was going on around us. It was exciting, being there, alone. I was a twenty-four-year-old Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and I was excited to walk with a friend in the New York city streets. No wonder why Morgan called me "kid."

- "Did you know more than 800 languages are spoken in New York City? that makes it the most linguistically diverse city in the world"- I had to start rambling facts after a while because I guess I couldn't help it.

- "Vraiment?"- she answered, and I chuckled. Of course, Master in Linguistics.

- "Oui"- I thought we could have a whole conversation in french; it would have been fun and fascinating, but my French was very rusty, and I didn't know if she was fluent or just learned a few things.

- "When I was a kid, I dreamt about living in New York. I was obsessed with it"- she kept looking down at her feet as she spoke, and I turned to look at her for a second. She looked sad somehow, or that's what I read from her. I've always done my best not to profile profilers. It's harder than you imagine.

- "Why?"- she chuckled at her thoughts and kept her eyes on her shoes.

- "You know how they always make you feel no matter how weird you might be, you are still going to fit in New York?"

- "You are not weird"- I couldn't help but frown and look at her- "You are..."

- "I am weird, we are all weird, that's what makes us great"

I loved that thought. That's why I've never forgotten it. Lie, I can't forget. I remember everything we've said to each other because I want to, not because I have an eidetic memory.

- "But when you are in school, everybody is trying to fit it and be normal, and that wasn't me at all..."

I didn't see that coming, and I have to admit it, I loved it. I often felt I was an outsider at the BAU. Hotch, Gideon, Morgan, Elle, JJ, they all fit in everywhere we'd go. Meanwhile, everybody looked at me, wondering what the hell am I doing there. I could read it on their faces. The fact the team had to introduce me as "Doctor Spencer Reid" is a sign they are making an effort to make me look older and more experienced. Reliable, even.

- "Why would you say you are weird?"- I had to ask- "You look very normal to me, I mean it"- she raised an eyebrow and didn't say a word. She just pulled my jacket and dragged me to a coffee shop.

- "Cupcakes, Reid, you can't expect me to tell you embarrassing facts about my life without a cup of coffee and a mountain of sugar."

JJ always said I ate like a kid, too many pastries and candy, no salad. Meanwhile, (Y/N) kept pushing sugar into my body. I liked that. They were both so different. JJ treated me like I didn't know how to deal with life. (Y/N) treated me like I could help her deal with life. JJ wanted to help me grow up. I could feel (Y/N) wanted to be my friend, and I loved that. I had never felt someone longing for my company. It was always the opposite. I usually felt people were stuck with me.

For months I kept comparing the two of them in my head. JJ had such condescending manners, it sometimes made me think she might actually have feelings for me. Other times, Morgan would call her my mom, which took all the hopes from my mind.

- "What do you do in your free time, Reid?"- (Y/N) sat in front of me in a booth. Right in between us, a table with two coffees, a red velvet cupcake, and a chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles.

- "I read, study..."- I didn't give much thought to my answers- "I also write a letter to my mom every day"

- "That's so cute"- I felt how my cheeks turned blood red, and she smiled at me sweetly.

- "Thanks..."- I sipped my hot cappuccino and winced as the coffee burned my tongue, and she chuckled.

- "Slowly, doc, or are you in a hurry?"

- "Definitely not, I have no other plan, I mean, I could sleep, but I know I won't, and, and I know you won't sleep either, so"- the words left my mouth at such a fast pace, not even I got them all. (Y/N) nodded and started taking apart her cupcake, little by little.

- "That's awesome, 'cos I like hanging out with you, and I don't feel like hanging out with Elle tonight. We are sharing rooms."

- "You don't like her?"- now that was breaking news- "I thought you two got along"

- "Don't get me wrong, I like her. I just don't feel like being the version of myself I am when I'm with her"

I looked at her, not sure of where she was going. She took a piece of cake and ate it slowly.

- "You lost me"- (Y/N) sighed and ran a finger around the edge of her cup.

- "Are you really you the whole time when you are at work, Reid?"

- "Well, yes?"- I wasn't sure that was the answer she wanted, but it was the only one I had- "I don't know how to be anybody else"

That was the whole truth. That's still the truth. Maybe that's why I have never been popular. People say I have no empathy, that I can't read any social cues. If I knew how to be someone else, I would probably try to change that and be a Spencer that's entirely sympathetic and social, like everybody else. But I can't force myself to act differently.

She stared at me, and I could feel the frustration piling behind her small smile.

- "Do you want to know something weird?"- her eyes shone as she stared into mines asking the question

- "Always"

- "You are the only person at the BAU I feel I can be myself with"- she whispered and sipped her coffee again.

- "Thanks?"- I was confused- "But... you are not that different with me than you are with the rest of the team"

- "Well, I am... I don't share who I really am at work because I am afraid"

- "Why? What scares you?"- she sighed and laid back on the seat. I kept my eyes fixated on her until she furrowed her brows, staring back at me

- "Are you trying to profile me, Spencer? 'cos we are not supposed to profile each other. I'm pretty sure it was in the contract I signed"- I smiled, busted, and nodded.

- "If it makes you feel any better, you are hard to read"

- "I'm a good liar, don't tell anyone"

She was proud of her answer, and I guess she should have been. You have to be an excellent liar to catch unsubs, get in their head, play with them when you have to make them talk. I guess she was ahead of me in that area.

- "Well, If it makes you feel better, I feel more comfortable around you than most of the team"

I closed my eyes as I spoke, and I knew my voice had been so low and soft, it hadn't been surprising if she hadn't been able to hear me, but she did.

- "Is it because I don't like touching people either?"- she joked, and a small smile stretched across my lips

- "It is because you"- I stopped and rearranged my thoughts. You could tell she was eager to hear the rest of my answer, and I was making sure not to make a fool out of myself.

- "It's because it feels you don't judge me for being me"

- "That's exactly how I feel, Spencer"- her smile was so big it made mine grow bigger as well.

- "But, why can't you be you with everybody?"- (Y/N) took a big bite of her cupcake, feeling more confident about our conversation and nodding.

- "Mmm, this is so damn good, you should try it, Reid"

- "Answer the question, (Y/N)"- I ignored her random comment and asked again- "Why can't you just be you?"

- "There are two answers to that question, and both of them are real"- she finally confessed and bit her lips, playing again with a little piece of cake on the dish.

- "I'm waiting"

- "You know, for someone who said has all the night off, you are indeed in a hurry now!"- she snickered and stuck out her tongue at me.

- "Fine, here's the truth: I don't want to share my whole real me at work because I am scared people will judge me and think I'm weird and too immature for the job, but at the same time, and this is the second reason, I don't wanna show my whole me at work 'cos I am afraid I'll lose it along the way, I am worried the FBI will take that weird part of me and will turn me into an SSA."

- "You are an S.S.A., (Y/N)"

- "I know, but I'm afraid I might end up being an ASS, Reid"

Her joke made me laugh so hard, tears fell down my cheeks. And she looked pleased to see me laughing.

- "See? That's me, the girl telling weird jokes the whole time 'cos can't stand a serious "grown-up" conversation. Can you imagine this (Y/N) talking with Hotch? Seriously, Reid, can you imagine?"

- "No, I can't"- I shook my head, still chuckling, and took a bit of my donut- "But I would definitely love to."

- "Do you want to know what I do in my free time?"- my mouth was still full, so I just nodded, feeling a little guilty I hadn't asked about her when she had asked about my hobbies.

- "I ride my longboard and play bass, do you think an SAA should be doing that? Do you think Elle does it? JJ? they are the perfect fit for the role. I am that kid at the back of the class who got a stroke of luck and managed to hang out with the cool kids"

- "Am I one of the cool kids?"- I had to ask

- "Yes, Reid, why?"

- "I've never been one of the cool kids before"- she gave me a severe look and sipped her coffee.

- "Here I am, pouring my heart and soul out for you, and all you care about is being one of the popular kids. That's being a lousy friend, Reid."

She was joking, and we both chuckled, but my chest tightened at her words, and the smile on my lips grew wider. She called me her friend for the first time that night.

- "I think you are overthinking this whole thing, (Y/N)"- she sighed at my words and finished her coffee- "We are all weird, you said it yourself"

- "Some on us more than other"

- "Yes, but that's what makes us great and unique. I told you, your vision brings a whole new point of view to the profiles, and I know what it's like to feel insecure people will judge you for being too young"

- "I know, that's why I'm glad you are here"

I am sure I was blushing, and I am absolutely certain she noticed because I heard her giggle as I looked down at my empty dish and fidgeted with my cup.

- "And... are"- I stuttered and narrowed my eyes. I knew I had to stop being so nervous around her; she was my friend, she had said it herself- "Are you ready to talk about your nightmares?"

- "Are you profiling I have nightmares?"- she raised an eyebrow and questioned my question

- "I am staring at the back rings under your eyes. It's clear you haven't been sleeping and considering we both know you went through a traumatic incident, to call it that way, you are clearly going through night terrors or nightmares"

- "Did you go through the same?"

- "Yes, I did"

- "And how did you overcome it?"

- "I haven't. I just made my peace with it"- you could read the deception on her face. That wasn't the answer she was waiting for.

- "They will be more sporadically, I promise, (Y/N)"

- "That's what's scares me too"

- "What?"

- "That one day I won't have the nightmares 'cos I'll be used to seeing the darkness and horror around me."

When we left the cafeteria, it was two in the morning, and the night was freezing. It was no longer raining, and the cold wind could freeze your skin in a second. (Y/N) looked at me as I shivered and opened her bag.

- "Here, put this on"- it was a purple scarf.

- "Thank you"- I was so cold I didn't hesitate. The wool was warm, soft, and it smelled like her- "It's pretty"- I felt I had to compliment it, 'cos she was too nice with me.

- "I made it myself"- you could tell she was proud. I tightened it around my neck and continued our way back to the hotel.

I hadn't felt I could count on someone at the FBI as I did with her. She wouldn't think I'm a kid; she wouldn't be forced to hang out with me. It felt pretty good to have a friend again. Ethan had been the last one I had lost. I always lose the people I love.

- "Thank you"- we were standing outside (Y/N)'s room back at the hotel. I took off the scarf and tried to give it back to her, but she didn't let me.

- "Keep, it's a present for being my first and best BAU friend"- I felt profoundly flattered, and I'm pretty sure I giggled, blushing- "Besides, purple looks good on you"

- "It's my favorite color"- I confessed- "And I'm not saying it just to make you feel good"

- "Then you have to keep it. It was made for you even when I didn't know it"- she smiled one more time and opened the door- "Good night, Reid."

- "Good night, (Y/N)."

----------

Series Masterlist

Chapter two

Do you want to comment this chapter? share a thought? or maybe join the tag list?

🤓 you can send me a message 👉🏼 here

#spencer reid #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #penelope garcia #jeniffer jareau #jason gideon #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x you #diwk

554 notes · View notes

slasherhaven · 4 years ago

Note

Can I make a request with the slashers(whoever you would like)who has a s/o who doesn’t know what they do so when they catch them in the act, the s/o reaction to it is scared and they want to or try to leave the slashers. (If that makes since)

The Slashers’ S/O finding out about what they do:

Thomas Hewitt

You had known Thomas for a while now. When he worked at the meat processing plant. He was quiet, kept to himself, but he was sweet. The sweetest man you had met in that place.

The two of you became close, you started dating.

Then the factory closed, most people moved out of town. You were trying to stay but it was getting difficult.

But the Hewitts stayed and you visited Thomas everyday. Luda May loved you and you loved her, thinking of her as a mother figure.

You loved Thomas and he loved you, more than anything.

You visited everyday, and today it seemed that nobody was home. But the door was open so you just let yourself in, knowing nobody would mind.

You called for Thomas but got no response. But you heard a sound in the basement.

Maybe he was doing some repairs or something down there? You just shrugged and headed down the stairs.

You froze at the bottom of the stairs.

There Thomas was, the man you loved, hacking up a body, reminding you of his time at the factory...but much more disturbing.

The stair creaked as you shifted, catching Thomas’ attention.

He turned, expecting Hoyt or Luda May but he saw you and froze.

“Tommy...”

You looked between him and the body of a young man before coming to your senses, darting back up the stairs and out of the house.

Thomas followed behind you. He wanted to explain...to beg for forgiveness...or do something.

He stopped at the front door, watching you cry as you climbed into your car and drove off.

Hoyt would have told him to go after you, you were a witness, he had to stop you. But Thomas stayed in the door way, tears staining his cheeks as he watched you leave. He let you go.

You were the best thing that ever happened to him, the only person to show him kindness and love. You made him feel like he might actually deserve love, somebody as good as you, but he didn’t. Of course he didn’t.

And he didn’t blame you for running.

He’s glad you did. He’d miss you more than anything, he would always love you, but a part of him is glad that you ran.

You deserved better than this, better than him.

You didn’t deserve to be dragged into this.

He wasn’t mad at you, just distraught that he didn’t get one more chance to tell you that he loved you, to hear you say that you loved him, before you left.

You decided that this would be a very good time to finally get out of time. For good.

You just didn’t know how Thomas was capable of this. He was always so sweet, kind, and considerate. Despite his size, he was incredibly gentle whenever he touched you, with everything he did.

You would never have guessed that he could hurt somebody, kill somebody and then...chop them up?

You wiped your tears as you drove home. Planning on grabbing your stuff before heading out just like the rest of the town had. They had it right this whole time...

Bo Sinclair

Keeping someone oblivious to the sinister truth of the town was difficult but Bo would be damned if he didn’t try his hardest to keep you away from it. You were the only person who could calm him down, the only person who had such a soothing effect on him and accepted him for who he was. He didn’t want you to find out.

But it was only matter of time and it happened in the worst way possible, you saw him kill somebody.

He hadn’t even noticed you until he stood up and turned to you, seeing you frozen to the spot, eyes wide in fear.

“Sweetheart, listen to me. We’re alright, you don’t need to freak out” Bo held his hands out to his sides, like he was trying to show you that he wasn’t going to hurt you.

“Freak out?! Bo you just-you killed him!” you exclaimed, completely horrified.

“There’s so much you don’t know” he told you, making you even more confused. Had he does this before? What else had he been hiding from you?

“Let’s just go back to the house, forget all about this” he suggested, walking up to you.

“...he was a nice kid...even apologised for cussing in front of me...he wouldn’t have hurt you and you-you killed him” you shook your head, taking steps backwards to keep your distance from the man you loved.

“Come on” Bo muttered, grabbing your arm firmly but not hard enough to hurt, before pulling you back up to the house.

You fought against him, nervous to even be around him.

“What about him? What are you going to do with him?” you asked, glancing back at where the body lay but it was soon out of sight.

“Vincent will deal with it” Bo assured you.

“Vincent? What the hell is going on, Bo?!” you looked back to him with wide eyes. Vincent wouldn’t hurt anyone...right?

Soon enough, you were back in the house. You wanted to give Bo the benefit of the doubt, maybe the man attacked him? You doubted it but it could have happened...

But those hopes where smashed when Bo told you the truth about everything, seemingly mad at himself.

“You mean...the figures...oh god” the horror on your face make Bo’s stomach tighten in the most unpleasant way.

You were mortified by the truth, scared of what happened here, scared of him.

“I...I’ve got to go” you mumbled, like you were in a daze, but all you knew was that you needed to get out of the town.

“Oh yeah? Where are you going to go?” Bo snapped slightly, his anger at you wanting to leave him getting the better of him for a moment.

“I’ll figure it out” you didn’t know, you didn’t care. You just had to get away from all of this.

“Y/n, you’re smarter than this. Now that you know about all this...we can’t let you leave” he told you. That was exactly what you were worried about.

“Bo...please...” you pleaded, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“I’m not going to hurt you” Bo promised but how could you take his word for anything any more.

“Then let me go” you begged.

“I can’t” he shook his head.

You made a rush for the door but Bo quickly caught you, his heart aching when you screamed out.

But he tried to shush you, tried to sooth you. Holding you against his chest tightly.

Eventually your body stopped fighting and you went limp in his hold, crying into his chest as he held you, one hand stroking your hair.

Everything had changed, nothing would be the same again. You were the one person who hadn’t treated him like some sort of monster or nuisance. You loved him, cared for him, and now you might never do that again.

But he couldn’t risk you leaving and telling people about the town, he just couldn’t.

Vincent Sinclair

How he had managed to hide the dark truth about the town from you, Vincent had no idea.

He felt awful for lying to you but you came here during a hard time in your life, found a home here...you had treated him with so much love and kindness.

He loved you so much and you loved him dearly. So, he wanted to keep that a secret from you, to protect you from the awful things he and his brothers did.

But you found out...in the worst way he could imagine. He hadn’t locked the door to his workroom, and you wanted skipped right down the stairs.

You expected to find the man you loved working on his next piece of art, not covering a living human being with wax. By the time you got there, it was too late to stop the process.

“Vincent?” you spoke before you could think.

Despite being horrified, you couldn’t bring yourself to be completely scared of him. You thought you had known him so well, that he was the gentlest man you had ever met. He was so sweet, gentle, considerate, loving, timid...how could he hurt somebody like this?

Vincent quickly turned to you, completely mortified that you had seen any of this.

You couldn’t stand the sight, it was disgusting and not something you would quickly forget, so you quickly made your way back up the stairs.

Vincent hurried behind you. He wouldn’t grab you and he’d try not to scare you anymore but he couldn’t just let you run off. He hoped that there was some way you could forgive him for all of this...but he knew it was unlikely.

You had just left the house as Bo climbed out of his truck. It only took one look at your scared, teary expression to know what was going on.

It was Bo that physically caught you, asking what was wrong. But you tried to get out of his hold, knowing that whatever was going on here had to involve all of the brothers.

When Vincent hurried out of the house, seeing you and Bo, he headed over. He placed a hand on your shoulder, batting Bo away from you.

“You better handle this, Vincent. They can’t leave” Bo’s tone darkened slightly before he walked away, heading inside.

You quickly turned back to Vincent, eyes wide and teary.

You felt sick. Seeing that...knowing what Vincent did...what they all do...remembering all the times you had praised Vincent on the figures and how realistic they looks, oh god, you might throw up.

Vincent could see that and instinctively tried to comfort you, his heart stinging when you flinched away.

“...Bo’s not going to let me leave, is he?” you asked, voice cracking slightly, already knowing the answer.

A part of you still believed that Vincent would let you leave, he had never been anything but wonderful to you, you had to believe that at least some of that was real. But Bo had always been more wary of you, more intense, and you knew he was in charge here.

Vincent just shook his head, hating the way that the answer made you cry.

He knew you were scared and you had every right to be, but it still hurt that the thought of staying here with him made you sob like that.

“Please, Vinny” you pleaded.

What were you meant to do? Run? Bo would catch you and there was nowhere to do. There was no way you could make it to the nearest town without Bo finding you and bring you right back.

The look that Vincent gave you was sincerely apologetic and his touch was still gentle as he walked you back into the house, patient with your reluctant steps.

Nothing was going to be the same. Vincent knew what. You might have to stay here but now it will be against your will.

You will still be here but he had already lost you. Vincent knew that.

Lester Sinclair

You had thought Ambrose was a blessing. The three brothers taking you in during your time of need. You moved in properly with Lester a little later when you started dating.

But this town was far from a blessing, you realised that when you discovered the truth about the town, learning about how the brothers got their victims and what they did to them.

As soon as you saw all of this, you hurried back to the home you shared with Lester.

Oh Lester...sweet, energetic, kind Lester...how could he be apart of this?

You packed up a bag of things you’d need but before you made it out the door, Lester arrived him.

His heart broke when he saw you with your bag. You knew...you knew everything and you wanted to leave, you wanted to leave him...

“Y/n, I...I’m sorry” was he apologising for being involved in those people’s deaths, he guessed so. He knew it wouldn’t help but he hoped you could see his sincerity.

“How could you be a part of this, Lester?” you asked, tears staining your cheeks. You just couldn’t picture the man you loved ever purposely hurting an innocent person.

“I...I’m sorry” he wanted to give you an explanation just like you deserved but he didn’t have one, not one that would make things better. So he just apologised again, because he was so sorry that you had to see any of this. “...you’re leaving?” he asked, already knowing the answer and it killed him.

“Will you let me?” you asked, a little nervous about his response. You were terrified of what was happening in Ambrose, you didn’t want to be terrified of him as well.

Lester just nodded, giving you some sense of relief. You were free to leave.

You hung your head, unable to look at the man you loved, as you walked past him.

“Please, Y/n” Lester’s cracking voice made you stop, ready to hear whatever it was that he had to say. “...please just forget about Ambrose...” he pleaded with you. This time you just nodded before walking out the door.

You hoped you would be able to forget about this place but you doubted it.

Lester knew that he had to let you go. He shouldn’t have let you stayed in the first place, he shouldn’t have dragged you into this, he had to let you go because he loved you and thought you deserved better.

But he knew that Bo was going to go crazy about this but Bo wasn’t here right now, he wouldn’t have to find out until sometime tomorrow. By then you would be long gone.

Asa Emory (The Collector)

It was pretty late and Asa was staying late at work again (at least, that was what he told you). You were just about to turn in for the night when there was a knock on the door.

It wasn’t like Asa to forget his keys...and he took the car, so it couldn’t have been him.

You answered the door but nobody was there, just a folder on the doorstep. Asa would have chastised you for picking up a mysterious package and taking into the house but you were curious.

You sat down in the lounge and took a closer look, the notice taped to the front making you pause.

“Do you know where he goes at night?”

Was whoever left this for you talking about Asa? They had to be...

Your mind instantly went to that he was cheating on you. Now, you really didn’t think he would be cheating on you, that he would do that to you, but what else could that note mean?

You opened the folder and pulled out a stack of photos. You gasped at the images, nearly dropping them at first.

Various images of mutilated bodies, horrific...creations? God, why would anyone send you this and what did it have to do with Asa?

Coming to the last few photos there was a man with the victims, wearing some sort of dark mask.

It wasn’t until the last two photos that you knew without a doubt what all of this was about. The last photos showed the man removing his mask, revealing the face of the man you loved.

He made these...things? With body parts of people he...murdered? How could he do something so awful?

You threw the photos down onto the coffee table, wiping your tears and trying to not throw up your dinner. Asa hurt these people, killed them and made monstrous creations...and you had absolutely no idea...

You had to get out of here before he came home...

You jumped to your feet and headed for the bedroom. You needed to pack some belongings and leave, you were worried about what he would do when he found out that you knew. Even if you still couldn’t fully believe it.

The sound of a car pulling up outside made you pause.

Asa was home.

You heard the front door open and close. The lights were on, he knew you were still awake, so he called for you.

You panicked, tears still rolling down your cheeks as you locked the bedroom door.

Asa’s brow furrowed when he got no response from you but he paused when he walked into the lounge, seeing the photos scattered over the table. Who had sent these to you? He was going to kill them...

He called your name again but it only made you cry harder.

He walked up the stairs and towards the bedroom door, attempting to open it but finding it locked.

“Y/n. Open the door” he ordered, surprisingly gentle. “I know what you saw, let me explain everything to you.”

You had nowhere to go, you were locked in the bedroom. The only way out was through that door and Asa was on the other side.

“Did-did you do it?” you asked. You just needed him to give you an answer that proved those images wrong, to give you an explanation. You needed him to convince you that he hadn’t done those things.

Both of you were standing on either side of the door now, talking through the wood.

“You saw those photos. You know it was me. I’m not going to insult you by lying to you, you wouldn’t really believe me anyway” he sounded so calm. Too calm. It wasn’t the voice of somebody who’s partner just found out they were a serial killer.

“...why?” you had no idea why you asked that question. It didn’t matter, in the end. But a part of you needed to know why the man you loved would do something so vile.

“I don’t think I have a satisfying answer to that question” was his answer. He was right, that wasn’t what you wanted to hear at all. Though, you didn’t really know what you wanted to hear.

“...what now?” you felt safe behind this door. Even if you knew that you couldn’t stay behind it forever.

“I can’t let you go. Not knowing what you know, you know that” his calmness was more unsettling than the images...how could he be so calm about this?!

“I-I won’t tell anyone” you promised.

“Y/n, you know I can’t risk that” he was right and even you knew that.

“...please” you pleaded.

“I’m not going to hurt you, you just have to stay. I promise you’ll be okay, with me” Asa sounded convincing and you wanted to believe him but how could you when you found out that he had been hiding so much from you?

“Asa...”

“Open the door” he ordered again.

You didn’t. You fell asleep eventually, waking up to the door still locked. You thought that maybe Asa had given up but you knew that wasn’t like him. You whispered his name through the door and he was quick to respond. You weren’t getting out of this room without running straight into Asa.

That’s when you realised that you weren’t leaving. Asa couldn’t let you go.

Jesse Cromeans (Chromeskull)

Jesse has plenty of enemies, not that you know that, and it was one of those enemies that decided that the best way to get to him was through you.

You were home alone, Jesse away on a business trip, when somebody rang the doorbell.

When you answered the door, nobody was there. Just a box set on the doorstep.

You were careful, you looked around, gently opened the box but only saw videotapes. Weird.

You took the box inside and took a closer look. There were plenty of videotapes, the box full. Each one was labelled by a state, a town, a month. You didn’t know what any of that meant.

So, like an idiot, you played a tape.

You were horrified. The video was of a young woman being murdered gruesomely.

Why would anyone send you a box of snuff films? Who could be so disturbed.

And something in your gut told you that these were real.

You were just about to turn it off, sick to your stomach, about to call the police. About to message Jesse about this awful thing.

But then a man walked into frame. Bald, tall, fitted black suit, and wearing a chrome skull mask. Something so...unsettlingly familiar.

It couldn’t be...it just couldn’t be your Jesse...

But it was and you knew it. You turned off the video, ejecting the tape and throwing it to the ground, tears streaming down your face.

All these tapes...proof of the horrific, sadistic murders that the man you loved had committed.

The front door opening and closing made you jump...

You turned and came face to face with the man.

He was about to sign a greeting as he approached you but stopped when he saw your terrified, tear stained face.

He took in your expression for glancing down at the box of tapes, noticing the one you had thrown down and broken...how did you get those tapes? Of course, he knew what they were instantly.

He was going to find out who gave you these and he was going to make sure they regretted it.

“Jesse...please tell me these aren’t real...that, that isn’t you” you pleaded with him, even if you knew the truth now. He didn’t respond, just stared at the box of tapes. “They’re-they’re all yours?...all you?” you asked.

You let out a broken sob when he nodded. There was no point lying now, you knew, it was over.

How could the man you loved do these things? He had always be so wonderful, so perfect, if you didn’t have all this evidence, you wouldn’t have believed it.

“...are you going to hurt me?” you asked and he shook his head.

God, you wanted so badly to believe him but after seeing what he was capable of...you just didn’t know anymore.

“How could you do those things, Jesse?” this was the man you wanted to marry...but you didn’t know him at all.

He took a step towards you but you took one back. You were scared of him...and that was the last thing he ever wanted.

‘I’m not going to hurt you’ he signed. ‘...I’m sorry...’ he apologised because that’s all he could do. There was no explanation he could give you, no gift or gesture that would earn your forgiveness, there was nothing he could do to make this right. All he could do was give you a weak apologise.

“...you’re...I don’t know you, you’re not my Jesse...I...” he stepped towards you again but you took five steps back this time.

The images on those tapes flashed through your mind. Those women, the way he killed them...how could he ever do something like that and come home to you. To touch you, to love you. You were disgusted with him and yourself.

It must have been the adrenaline in your body but you finally took action, not bothering to grab your coat as you hurried past him and towards the front door.

You gasped when he caught your arm, looking up at him with fearful eyes. His grip was firm but he was true to his word, he wasn’t hurting you.

“I’m leaving, Jesse” you told him as firmly as you could, voice faltering.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Still holding you as he typed something.

He turned the screen to you so that you could read it.

‘NO POLICE’

What where you supposed to do. Whatever it took to get out of here.

So, you nodded.

He turned the phone back to himself, typing something new and showing it to you again.

‘I LOVE YOU’

You let out another sob and he released your arm.

You left the house, no knowing where exactly you were going. A friends house? The police station? You didn’t know.

All you did know was that more gifts kept arriving expect these were clothes, jewellery, just stacks of cash. Was Jesse apologising, trying to win you back, pay you off, buy your silence, or just making sure you’re alright? You didn’t know.

Obviously, you left Jesse but that didn’t mean that he had to like it. He still watched over you, made sure you had the money you needed to live a good life.

Jesse sincerely hoped you would keep your promise of not going to the police. If you didn’t, he could just let you go, keep you on your feet. But if you went to the police...he would have to deal with it one way or another.

Otis Driftwood

Otis had met you in a bar, it was that simple. The two of you hit it off like he had never done with somebody before. He never hid any part of himself (other than the crimes he’s committed) and you still seemed interested in him.

You knew that he and his family were...beyond odd, but you didn’t know that they hurt people. So you continued to give him the benefit of the doubt.

You dated. You loved him and he loved you.

You had gone to the Firefly residence and let yourself in like you usually did. You normally planned a time to meet with Otis but you decided that you just needed to see him now.

You called out to him but no response came, nobody was here but the door was unlocked...

You were just going to wait or come back later but then you heard something bang in the basement.

You had never been down there before, you never had a reason or desire too but if somebody was down there, maybe they could tell you when Otis would be back. Or maybe it was Otis!

So you headed down the stairs and into the basement.

“Oh my God...” you completely froze when you stepped into the room.

People, held in cages, were cowering together, bloody and beaten. They begged for mercy, for your help. But what you were staring at was Otis, covered in blood. He had turned to you, surprise on his face and knife in his hand.

Otis knew it was only a matter of time, the family didn’t hide their true nature very well. He just didn’t think it would be now, he wanted longer with you. Because he knew that as soon as you found out, you’d be gone.

You ran. You had that much sense.

You ran up the stairs, through the house, and out the front door, with Otis right behind you.

You always knew he was strange, had an interested in morbid things, but you never would have guessed sadistic killer. Who would just assume that?!

You never worried that he would hurt you, but now you did.

Once you got a few feet from the house, you had to come to a stop. Even if your whole body was telling you to keep running but you curled over and threw up.

Those poor people...all the gore in that basement...on Otis...what had he done and how many people had he done it too?

“Y/n-” Otis’ voice coming from behind you made you snap back up, turning to him but stepping backwards.

“Get away from me” you were terrified and disgusted, he could see it on your face.

“I would never hurt you. You know that” Otis assured you, while he stood there splattered in somebody else’s blood. It would have been comical to somebody with a fucked up sense of humour.

“...I don’t...” you shook your head, your answer quiet.

“’course you do. Have I ever hurt you before?” he asked but that didn’t matter anymore.

“You hurt those people!” you remined him.

Maybe if you knew the details of his other crimes, you wouldn’t have been able to snap at him so easily. You definitely would throw up again, that’s for sure.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Baby’s cheerful voice caught the attention of both of you. “Oh shit...they found out, didn’t they?” she asked, still smiling like nothing was wrong.

“Go inside, Baby” Otis ordered sternly.

“Aw don’t worry, hun. Otis ain’t gonna hurt ya, he loves ya!” Baby assured you.

“I’ve got to go...” you mumbled, turning and making your escape again.

“Are they going to talk, Otis?” Baby asked her brother, both of them knowing they can’t let you go to the police or anything.

“I have it handled” Otis huffed before following after you, making Baby scoff.

Well...you weren’t dead, but your relationship with the family was far from over. Otis couldn’t just let you go around running your mouth about them but he didn’t want to hurt you either.

Hopefully, the two of you can figure something out once you’ve calmed down...

#thomas hewitt x reader #bo sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x reader #asa emory x reader #the collector x reader #jesse cromeans x reader #chromeskull x reader #otis driftwood x reader #slashers x reader #slasher x reader #slashers #slasher #my writing

1K notes · View notes

vogueinnie · 4 years ago

Text

HEAVEN OR HELL ; part. 2 TEASER - PART 1 - PART 2 - (...)

━ WARNINGS ; demon!hyunjin, virgin fem!reader

if you feel uncomfortable with the mentions of religion, please don’t read this story cause there are a lot blasphem, mentions of Lucifer and Mammon (Lucifer’s son)

corruption kink, fear kink, humiliation (and not only in a sexual way), mention of killing a cat, pet name (angel), manipulation, mention of alcohol (wine), reader is ashamed of herself, sir kink, nipple play, clitoral masturbation, grinding, very slight choking, slight possessive kink, no penetrative sex

━ WORD COUNT ; 3.3k ━ NOTE ; part 2!!! the smut part is kinda... soft? but the naaaasty is coming!!! also sorry for that cliffhanger at the end zjfhdzfz. feedback are so welcomed!!

The sinister forest in which you walked every morning now was very different from the glittering glade you were used to. The trees were whopping and if you looked at them for too long you can see red eyes forming in the wood. Or was it your imagination ? No one never knows. No beautiful tulips, no cute birds tickling your ears with their cute whistles, no bunnies jumping here and there. Just dead flowers and a mortifying dead silence.

Everything was dead.

All the love and joy living in your heart were starting to fade away. You can’t even remember for how long you were stuck in this place you don’t belong. The time seemed to be unfairly long. The days were all the same, empty, but tormenting in a certain way. You even started to forget how it was, in Heaven.

But in your misfortune you were lucky. Mammon chooses you. He was one of the most powerful of this world, after all. You were constantly watched, mocked by the people living here for being an angel. But what was wrong in being good ? Hyunjin was walking you everywhere like a trophy, or a dog, exposing you to everyone with the leather leash he used on you the first time you both met. They all seemed both amazed and disgusted by you.

“Why did Mammon chooses her ? Is she that special ? She’s an angel, how can he spends his day with her ?” were most of the words you were able to hear when you were around the devilish creatures. And Hyunjin never answers one of those questions, but his legendary smirk wnever left his face. It was ever more painful for you to understand that you were nothing but a toy for him. But what did you expect ? To be fully accepted as a sweet person ? Bullshits.

The only time he left you alone was on mornings. That’s why you always ended up in that scary forest near the huge castle you were left. Well, alone was a big word.

Jeongin was following you everywhere. He was Hyunjin’s personal and favorite servant. A strangely gentle and obedient demon. He looked young and pure, his beautiful angular face was surrounded by his dark blue hair. And you found that there were bright shades of red waiting to sparkle in his eyes. He was tall, not as tall as Hyunjin, but tall enough to be impressive.

There was no in between in this world. Demons were either painful to watch or absolutely breathtaking.

You were walking in the dead grass with him next to you, breathing the fresh matinal air. A beautiful black cat presents himself in front of the both of you, rubbing against your legs and purring loudly enough for you to hear.

A smile finally draws on your feature and you kneel to pat his head and scratch his chin.

“Look, Jeongin ! He wants hugs, poor thing... You’re probably hungry... Jeongin nods, looking straight ahead. But it’s the first time I saw a black cat... Are they common here ? You turn your face to look at him with a smile but still, his mouth stay closed. Hm, yeah, I see... You whisper softly, a little discouraged by his constant silence with you, making you realize that you were really alone here.”

Still without a words, he resumes his walk towards the castle, silently asking you to follow him. And you did, with the cute animal on your step. You were playing with him, walking fast or slow to see if he was still behind you. A laugh escape your mouth seeing the fluffy cat struggling to follow your speed. Not that you were fast but he was a little bit confused.

You bump into someone not on purpose and immediately your blood went icy. Respectfully, and especially cause you were too scared to look at the demon in front of you, you bow your body so low it was almost painful for your back. But you better hurt yourself than being hurted by someone else. Especially in Hell.

“There, there, there... What do we have ? This voice... I knew you were stupid but not to the point of not looking where you are walking. His words were painful but you didn’t move an inch, not wanting to bother him even more. The cat behind you was meowing and if you could you would see the confusion on the man’s face. What’s this ? Jeongin, kill it.”

“No ! No, no ! N-no...? Your voice had suddenly risen to end up being very low. You lift up your chin to finally see Hyunjin in front of you. He was only dressed in a black silk bathrobe embroidered with golden pearls, his long hair was half-tied in a low ponytail and he was holding a glass of wine in his right hand. He... He doesn’t mean you any harm, Sir... He just wants a friend...? His laugh was cold and heartless and he was scanning your body up and down with his piercing eyes.”

Suddenly, you felt a cold sticky liquid running through your face and you just understood that he literally threw the wine in your face. Your lips were parted in shock and that’s the moment you could hear vicious laughs behind him. Of course, Lucifer’s son always need his public. He drops the glass on the ground, glass shattering into thousands of pieces near your feet.

Hyunjin grabs the back of your neck, bringing your face close to his. Close enough to let his tongue slowly lick your cheek wet with wine.

“Remember when we first met, angel... What did I say ? A lot of things, actually. But you didn’t answer and he grab a handful of your hair.”

“That you wanted me ! A-and... That I was a mess... That you hated dirty things, Sir... You answer quickly with a shaking voice. He lets go of your face abruptly with a wide smile, nodding his face.”

“Yeah that’s it ! And what did you just make ? He pointed your face nonchalantly, making you whisper A mess with a tiny voice. A fucking mess, I hate it, in the name of Lucifer... I hate it ! His pupils were all black, you couldn’t even see the white in it. And you knew you messed up.”

He was hysterical and the screams, laughs and encouragements from the lower classes encourages him to act even more crazier. He grabs your wrist merciless to the applause of the crowd and he leads the two of you in the part of the castle which belongs to him.

Faster than you would have liked, you were in his room. It was always cold, not welcoming and way too dark for your eyes in need of nothing but sunshine. Hyunjin stayed silent but the creepy smile on his face was enough to makes you shiver in fear.

It was crazy how easily he switched from being insane to quiet.

Once you were in his private bathroom he made you look at you through the big golden mirror in front of the black marble bathtub. And you could see the damage, the deep red liquid running down your face, some strands of your hair are wet and the front of your black lace dress is also ruined with wine. You feel your back burning from his stares, and it’s even more humiliating than your physical condition.

“I think my angel needs to take a bath, don’t you ? You nod slowly, playing nervously with your fingers. What are you waiting for ? Go ahead.”

You look up at him leaning against the door frame, panicked. He raises an eyebrow and you shake your head. No, impossible. You probably misunderstood. Or he misspoke. How can you get naked in front of him ?

“Need some help, maybe ?”

Still through the mirror you can see him approaching you to stand behind you. Your body was frozen, not that you were afraid, but you were mostly intimidated. Your aura may be a pink pale tone but his own was... Like a dark shade of the deepest blue. The ocean itself is bright compared to what emane from this demon.

He puts your hair on the right side of your neck to have a full access of the left side one. His breath against your shivering skin was hot, and it probably burns you in the best way. The warmth and the softness of his lips against your skin were painful and you couldn’t help biting your lips and squeezing your eyes.

The inner fight you waged against yourself scared you more. Do you really want to push him away ? Or can’t you wait to be naked for him ?

Slowly, his long fingers trail the curve of your body, from your shoulders, to your waist, your hips, but strangely... Never your intimate parts. And you swear, at that right moment, you needed that more than you could ever imagine. Your body was squirming against his and slowly he grabs your chin with his thumb and forefinger.

“Look at you, angel. You open your eyes to see your back totally glued to his chest, making you blush in an instant. Don’t be shy with me, I told you. I’m your owner, there’s no need to be shy. You couldn’t stop looking at him and when he pushes his thumb against your lips you opened it to take it in your mouth and to start sucking it. He chuckles, nibbling your ear, his hot breath awakening all your senses. So nasty, are you really a child of God ?”

His last sentence makes you shiver. He was right. Did you deserve to be considered pure when you wanted him so badly ?

Hyunjin slowly untie your dress and the unknown feeling of being naked in front of someone was as arousing as scaring. Only his sharp eyes was touching you. As usual, he was looking at every details of your body and you can tell how badly he restrains himself to not put his hands all over your frame.

Why was he even nice ? He was almost hysteric few minutes ago. But the answer was evident... He was a demon, after all. They don’t need an excuse to act like crazy.

You didn’t move, looking shamefully at your body for reacting to every ones of his caresses, looks and words.

He takes you out of your mind, grabbing your wrist to lead you in the bathtub, hot smoke escaping from it due to the water. You put your body in it and you look at him undressing. He was as naked at you. His body was slim, his thighs and abdomen were muscular, his body was sculpted by the the God himself.

How funny is it to think that when he’s the son of Lucifer himself.

It doesn't take long for him to join you, placing his body behind yours. You didn’t know if it was because of the water relaxing all of your nerves, or his strangely calm aura, but you felt good. Hyunjin grabs your shoulders to make your body leans against his, slipping his wet hands on your face to clean your features from the liquid that he himself threw at you.

A little sigh escape your mouth and you allow yourself to pretend that you’re not in Hell. That you’re in your own room with all your green indoor plants surrouding you. You even have the impression that your favorite sugary smell is all over you, and you can even feel Felix scratching you neck and chin cause he knows how much you like that.

Wait... But you’re not in your room. And there’s no Felix.

Hyunjin started to kisses your neck slowly, licking your skin with the tip of his tongue, making you moan unintentionally. You open your eyes, ashamed of how pathetic you melt in the hand of the one and only Demon who can controls you. He probably feels your body tense and he starts to draw some invisible circles against your tummy.

“It’s funny how I want to protect you and ruin you at the same time. You bite your lips, gulping slowly just imagining the two situations. Yeah, it’s funny. How I want to take care of you, kiss you everywhere, makes you feel good. His words are accompanied by gentle caresses, he brushes your boobs with his fingertips, making you shiver and squirm against him. Even if he was behind you you can feel his gaze on your naked body exposed to him. How I want to hurt you in the goodest way, makes you beg and cry. He pinches one of your already hard nipple with two of his fingers and again, you moan softly. Isn’t it supposed to hurt ? Then why does it feels good ?”

He chuckles when he hear your voice, rubbing now your two buds in his digits. You can’t control your body and the sensation you’re feeling and quickly you came to the conclusion that you want more. You want to feel more, you want that heatness in your body to be more intense, to explode.

The back of your head falls against the crook of his neck and his strong woody smell makes you loose your mind. Hyunjin turns his head to put his forehead against yours while his fingers travel all around you naked figure against him. You can feel him everywhere and nowhere, it's like he can touch your whole body at the same time.

“Don’t stop looking at me. He whispers in a low voice, his eyes fixed on yours.”

You nod slowly even tho it’s difficult for you to stay focused when one of his hands glides along your exposed pubis. His other hand is still firmly gripped to your boob, massaging it in both a soft and harsh way. It was his power. To be gentle and rough.

Instinctively you open your legs. More, more, more. That’s all you can think about right now. And it seems that he exactly understand what you want. More. His long fingers run through your womanhood, wet because of the water, but not only. You can feel how burning it is, how good it feels when he slides them against your two intimates lips. More. You try to keep your eyes open as much as possible to not break the intense contact you’re sharing. A little oh escape your lips when he circles his fingers around that tiny, little, swollen bud. More, you want more.

“You don’t have that in Heaven, uh ? You never felt that good, did you ? You shake your head, half closed eyelids due to everything you’re feeling. That’s the real Heaven, angel.”

His wide black dilated pupils were magneficient, you couldn’t even think of looking away. He continues to rubs your most sensitive area and the hot water just help everything to be more soother and slicker. He teases your nipple, kissing the tip of your nose with a smirk drawns on his beautiful lips and you start to buck your hips up to feel more of the frictions he was offering to you. Slowly, you grip his wrist to push his hands even more against your intimate area. He chuckles, again, at your eagerness and soft moans crash on his lips when he taps your pussy. It was tickling, weird, but oh so good at the same time.

Slowly he grabs your waist to turn your body around so that you are facing him. And it’s even more intimidating to see Hyunjin with his eyes totally lost in the luxurious world. Almost automatically you stick your body to him, surrounding his waist with your legs.

If only you know that doing that made your pussy crash against his, you can really feel it, hard and pretty long dick. Your cheeks were now probably a bright tint of red. And you can see that he wasn’t in a better state.

“S-sorry ! I didn’t meant to do that, Sir !”

“Don’t be sorry, angel. Do it again, can you ? You nod slowly, pressing your two hands on his shoulders to give you a little bit of support. You move your hips slowly against his body, his hard-on hitting your core everytime you moved. Yeah, just like that, keep going... How does it feel ?”

Your only answer was to nod again and bite your lips. It felt too good to be real. Your two bodies stick together were hot and you swear, the burning flames in Hell wasn’t as hot as you. One of Hyunjin’s hand was grabbing your waist to help you move and grind above him while the other one found their way to your exposing neck.

All of your body was covered with shivers and you didn’t know if the cause was his eyes on you, his hands gripping your throat without squeezing it, or your core sticking and rubbing on his rosy tip.

“You’re mine. You can hear his hoarse voice whispering in your ear as he still grab your throat in a possessive way while his hand on your waist tighten it firmly. You’re mine. I choose you not only cause I know you were obedient... His hips buck up into yours, making the both of you crash your crotch together in a moaning symphony. Because I knew you were going to love it a lot more than you should.”

You felt light-headed for a moment. Hyunjin’s words was arousing, making you feel like the dirtiest angel. And it was too much. Too much new sensations for your body. The knot in your stomach were growing to the point that it was consuming you so you speed your own pace, helped by his hands, his breath, his moans, even his praises “pretty, hot, good girl” were the only words you were focused on. You felt enveloped by your devastating orgasm, your face leans back and a silent moan escapes your parted lips. It was difficult for you to keep your eyes open, your bordy starts to shake against his and you scratch his shoulders to hold on to reality. It was insanely good to be on cloud nine, a soft smile draws on your lip as every muscles of your body relaxed and tensed at the same time.

You feel him chasing his own high, patting his veiny and leaking dick on your swollen and overstimulated bud. You wanted to escape his touch as much as you wanted him to keep doing that delicious feeling.

You let yourself totally go in his arms when the both of you come back down from your high. Hyunjin was as breathless as you and he rubs your back in slow caresses, kissing your temples with a little grin.

“I bet Felix never made you feel that way. You frowned your eyebrows, why was he talking about Felix now ? You lift your face to look up at him in a confused way. Oh, you probably didn’t know... You shake your head slowly. He was my servant. You both have the same disgusting sugary smell. ”

Your jaws dropped and you blink your eyes. Felix, the purest heart you have ever known was once... A demon ?

—————————————☠︎︎ —————————————

━ TAGLIST ; @sailorhyunjinz - @minholuvs - @that-anxious-bisexual - @ohmysparkle - @yuminsung - @minaamhh - @kittykatvenom - @bubblelixie - @imagineinnie - @ronnieissupermegafoxyawesomehot - @etherealeeknow - @linours - @starry-jinnie @p0t4t0don14ll - @straytannies - @binnie-m00n - @formidxble - @skzcvre - @titleisyettobemade - @bythesunnotbythemoon - @nada-disso - @characha - @lizsvcks - @pxnidxjks - @ninjaleeknow - @solistired - @keloiu - @staaaaaa - @journalskz - @bubbl3gunz - @tinyminari - @hyuneytoast - @s4ilor-m4rs (if you want to be added to the taglist feel free to send me an ask!)

#skz smut #stray kids smut #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin smut #heaven or hell ; the serie

304 notes · View notes