#one guy just casually drops that he's part of the Nine Families like that means something

[dhwty-writes]

note to self: in the future, do not wait half a year to look at your first draft again

[anonymouspuzzler]

ok nine notes at time of writing and no specific character notes so here's nine big ones right off the dome (and by dome i mean "mostly my notes")

before he met Davey, Buck had Some Kinda Relationship with a tattoo/pierce shop guy for like. probably a few years. they had very different ideas of what the relationship was, though, in large part due to Buck being very non-communicative and emotionally guarded (his partner thought it was a casual thing for Buck and broke it off when he met someone he wanted a committed long-term relationship with, which really took Buck off guard - he didn't really reflect on how little he'd discussed what He wanted until years later when he was well into his relationship with Davey, where his communication is Much Better)

Davey speaks fluent Spanish - his mom's side of the family is from Puerto Rico so he grew up with equal parts Spanish and English in his household. Buck's picked up a very very small amount from him over the years, whereas Minnie has only had Middle School Spanish Class (which is to say she speaks functionally no Spanish)

when Minnie was Really Really Little she used to say she wanted to be a doctor. she's stopped saying that since, like, she knows no one's actually gonna ask her what she wants to be when she grows up, she's gonna be the next Captain Armstrong when she grows up. (she still likes to learn a lot about science and anatomy and biochemistry and medicine and such, though.)

Davey figured out he was For Sure Bisexual in like, his early teens (he'd already suspected Something and had little baby gay crushes when he was younger, but teens was when he felt confident enough to pinpoint it and really accept it). His first serious relationship was a girl at his high school who was Also openly bisexual so they became friends about it; they broke up amicably when she went off to college while Davey stayed in town to go to trade school

Dr. Practis knows Minnie's mom Betty. Even I don't know for sure what the fuck is going on with those two

long-retired classical hero Silver Fox has actually been quietly gay and in a long-term committed relationship with a civilian man for like. decades. he's extremely private about this (and most of his personal/non-hero life, frankly) and there's maybe five people who know about this, including the partner

both Leo and his and Buck's dad assumed Buck's powers meant he also had either a very high pain tolerance or couldn't feel pain at all. this is Extremely Not True and Buck feels pain pretty much on the same level as any normal guy (he just recovers from injury faster, and to avoid More Grief From His Dad And Brother tends to hide when he's hurt). this has led to such incidents as "Leo convincing one of the other hero kids their dad made them hang out with to light Buck's hair on fire because 'he won't even feel it'".

Minnie's dad Leo is actually the one who encouraged Minnie to keep her hair long (or at least to tell his wife they didn't need to bother cutting it short) - it's because it reminds him of his mom, who similarly had really long, thick red hair. Minnie's ambivalent towards it but also doesn't feel strongly enough to bother cutting it and learning to deal with a new hairstyle

Buck dropped out of high school when he was a teenager - by that point his dad was really doubling down on his and Leo's training, and even before that he tended to really struggle in classes. he's extremely self-conscious about this, doubly so since Davey and Minnie are very book-smart (Davey, for his part, knows and has Repeatedly told Buck it's nothing for him to be ashamed about, especially given the circumstances.)

i'm having a certain amount of Brain's Moment tonight so heres a thought. interact with this post in manner of your choose and I will dig through my shitty little personal character trivia doc and post a random little tidbit of oc trivia. if you wanna like reply with a specific Guy You Like i will talk about them. could be funny could be silly idk

[itsallyscorner]

Ik someone else already asked for like a delivery part (and honestly, that would be amazing. Like imagine the girls reacting to Baby Mix casually dropping it in their chat). But, also imagine Tom and Y/N haven’t released anything to the public and Perrie (my loose-lipped queen) let’s it spill over a virtual interview or something, how chaotic would that be????

Anyway, I truly loved your Baby Mix stories. You’re combining two of my favourite things so effortlessly. Thank you💜💜💜

Hello my love! So sorry for the long wait, I hope you don’t mind! Thank you for requesting this and being so patient with me❤️ I’m so glad you���re enjoying the Little Mix reader! stories🥰 I haven’t written a delivery part yet but I already had an idea of how I wanted to write this so...here ya go! Happy reading🤎🧸

💌.

Meet Aunty Pez

She would be the best aunty in the world, ugh🥺 Also I’m so sorry I haven’t been active, school has been keeping me busy, but hopefully it’ll ease up soon! Sending all my love to all of you💞

At 3:14am, on an early Monday morning, the bundle of joy that you and Tom have been waiting nine months for has finally arrived. After hours of enduring pain and labor, Amelia May Holland was born. Weighing at 7.5 lbs, she had the same bright chocolate colored eyes as her father, gorgeous brown hair, a mix of your and Tom’s nose, and thankfully she inherited your lips. She was a precious little thing, always cradled in the arms of either of her parents, since they both couldn’t believe she was finally in the real world with them.

The sun casted soft rays of light into the hospital room you and your little family occupied. The warm light added to the peaceful atmosphere you were all currently in. You were sat against the hospital bed, cradling Amelia in your arms, while you and Tom stared at her in fascination. You lean your head against Tom’s shoulder, eyes never leaving your baby girl, who’s nose momentarily scrunched up.

Softly chuckling, you glance at Tom, “Not even a day old and she’s already doing a habit of yours.” The gentle smile grows even wider on Tom’s lips, a sense of pride rushing through his veins.

“Well she’s definitely her father’s daughter.” He hums, his arm around your shoulder pulls you flush against his chest. Tom hides his face in the crook of your neck, placing feather light kisses onto your skin trailing down to your shoulder, where he rests his chin.

“I can’t believe we made her. Isn’t she the most gorgeous baby in the world?” He speaks in a hushed voice, cautious of startling his newborn daughter awake. He gazes at Amelia with a fond expression on his face, large fingers gingerly reaching out to softly stroke the back of his baby’s hand. She’s only been here a few hours and she’s already wrapped him around her dainty little fingers. He would go to extreme measures to do anything for her and to make sure she lived the best life she can. She was to be treated like a princess in his eyes; because she was his princess and you’ve been bumped up to be his queen.

“She’s all we’ve ever wanted.” You turn to face Tom over your shoulder. The whole morning, ever since you gave birth, the two of you spent most of the time admiring Amelia and would burst into tears at how proud you were of each other. Not only had you both just made the most precious baby in the world, but this was a new chapter in your lives. A new experience of life with a stronger bond, full of love, and years of memories that’ll be looked back on in the future.

Tom shifts his gaze to you, the look in his eyes changing to adoration. He tenderly kisses your lips, repeating the actions a few more times before speaking. “Thank you so much for this. Thank you for being an amazing wife and giving me a family. I love you so, so, so, so, much. You have no idea.” He brushes his nose against yours, shutting his eyes, to savor the meaningful moment.

“I wouldn’t be doing this with anyone else but you. You’re gonna be such an amazing dad.” You beam at him. Tom softly chuckles, leaning his forehead against your temple, “God, I hope.”

“You will, you’ll be the best one in her eyes. I already know it.” You reassure him, pecking the corner of his mouth. You turn your attention back to Amelia, who was still sleeping peacefully in your arms.

“So when should we tell everyone?” Tom asks, resting his chin on your shoulder again. You lean the back of your head against his shoulder, making yourself comfortable in his arms.

“I think we should tell our family and friends first. I’m not ready to share her to the public yet, I want her to only be ours for now.” You quietly explain. You feel Tom smile against your skin.

“Of course, darling. Whatever you’re most comfortable with, that’s what we’ll go with.”

(Y/n)🌻: sent a photo

We thought Amelia might want to pop in and say hello to her favorite aunties for the first time!❤️

Perrie🦋: oh my goodness! Congratulations🥳🥳 I’m over the moon for the both of you!!

Oh she’s precious! Look at those cheeks!! I can’t wait to meet her🥺

Jade💜: OMG WE SHARE THE SAME NAME!!

I’m so happy for you and Tom!! You guys are going to be the most amazing parents in the world!❤️

Leigh-Anne😻: Baby Amelia, you are the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen!!!😍 Babe, you and Tom have some really good genes👀

Congrats you two!! I’m so proud of you both❤️❤️❤️

Jesy💖: Thank god Amelia got (y/n)’s genes for her lips!!😂😂 I can’t imagine another loose-lipped Holland!

I’m so happy for you guys!! I can’t believe you’re already a mum, darling🥺 We love you so much and can’t wait to see you and Baby Amelia❤️

(Y/n)🌻: You guys🥺🥺 I can’t wait to see you all and get out of this hospital! This bed isn’t doing anything for my back😭

Perrie🦋: You must be so exhausted lovey, how are you doing? I hope everything went well during delivery!

(Y/n)🌻: Very painful, I felt like I was about to pass out omg😭 The doctor kept on telling me to push, I didn’t know if I was shitting myself or pushing the baby out😭

Tom’s been amazing the entire time. Bless him, I think I broke his hand while I was pushing :(

Jesy💖: Omg!! What was Tom’s reaction to childbirth?!!

(Y/n)🌻: If you thought he couldn’t get even paler, you thought wrong! He was as white as the walls in the room😭😭 He was a good sport through it all though!

Also, Amelia’s crying. I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you girls soon!! And good luck with the interview today, you guys are gonna smash it xx

Perrie🦋: Don’t worry about us! You’re officially on maternity leave now! We’ll send your regards for the interviewer❤️

Leigh-Anne😻: Look at our baby mama! We love you❤️❤️❤️

Jade💜: Say hello to baby Amelia and that Aunty Jade loves her🥰

Jesy💖: ^Kiss ass, she’s not even a day old and the competition for best Aunty has already begun smh.

Bye darling, we’ll catch up with you soon❤️

You smiled at your screen before turning it off and placing it onto the table beside your bed. Tom was pacing the room, cradling Amelia against his chest. He was gently rocking her back and forth, alternating from shushing her to humming some sort of tune underneath his breath. You sat back and admired the curly headed boy that’s claimed your heart. Not only was he the love of your life but he was also the father of your child. Sure you guys were young, both in your late 20s, but the daddy role definitely fit Tom perfectly.

Tom must’ve felt your stare because he turned around and sent you a tired smile. He walked towards your bed and motioned for you to lay down. Using one had to cradle Amelia, he used the other to help you get comfy in the hospital bed. Still with one hand, he fixed your hair on the pillow so that it was away from your face. His large calloused hand cradled your jaw, “Get some sleep, darling. I know how tired you are.”

You pouted at him, “But what about Amelia?” He shook his head, his thumb stroking your cheek, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll try and get her to sleep. You just close your pretty eyes and get some rest in.”

“What if she’s hungry?”

“If she doesn’t fall asleep, then I’ll wake you up. Just please get some sleep, love. You haven’t taken a proper nap since this morning and I know you’re already close to knocking out.” He reasoned with pleading eyes. You sigh finally giving in, lazily nodding in response. Tom beams at you and leans down to place a tender kiss onto your lips.

“I love you both.” You mumble against his lips. He pecks your lips once more, “And we love you too, mummy.” The moment you closed your eyes, you were out like a light.

You managed to take a nap for about half an hour until you felt a few pats on your shoulder. You were immediately awake, turning your head to look for Amelia. You looked at the hospital bassinet, where you could see her sleeping peacefully.

“What’s wrong?” You ask Tom. He was sat beside your bed with his phone held in his hand watching something.

“I’m so sorry for waking you, but you should see this.” He apologized with a pitiful smile. He scoots closer to the bed so you can look at the screen. Your brows furrow together in question as you stare at Tom; it was the girls’ interview.

“Just watch.”

“Hello ladies! Thank you for joining me today!” The interviewer started. A round of “hellos” and waves were seen on the recorded Zoom session.

“Thank you for having us!” Leigh-Anne said.

“Yeah, it’s always a pleasure to be on your show, Zach.” Jade gushed. Zach made a show of flattery making them all laugh.

“I mean I guess I should start by asking how are all of you?”

Jesy was the first to answer, “I’d say we’re all doing pretty good, aren’t we girls? You know—just trying to get by especially with all that’s going on in the world.”

Perrie agreed, “Yeah, we’re lucky enough to be healthy and have the privilege to work. So I’d say we’re very blessed and making the best out of situation.”

“That’s great for you girls. AND speaking of making the best of the situation, thank you for giving us entertainment! I’ve been watching The Search and I’m absolutely obsessed.” Zach began, complimenting the show. He continued, “Although I did notice, that there’s only four of you at the moment, and in the show. How is it like to not have (y/n) around?”

Jesy pouted, the other girls having familiar reactions at the lack of your presence.

“As much as we miss her, it’s best for her and the baby to stay home and away from the public. When it comes to your career or family; family comes first, so it was totally understandable.” Jesy explained.

Jade chirped in, “Well, she’s not completely missing out. She’s had a few virtual appearances on the show and we’ve all been in contact, we always know what she’s up to.”

“How’s she doing? With the baby preparations and all?” Zach asked the girls. Their faces immediately brightened with joy, especially Perrie how squealed and clapped her hands in delight.

“Oh she’s doing wonderful, we were just texting her! She’s officially on maternity leave!” Perrie cheered. On the screen, Jesy eyed Perrie warily.

“Officially on maternity leave?”

Perrie smiled widely, “Yes, she is! She sent us a photo of the baby in our group chat and my goodness! Their baby is so cute, I just want to pinch her little cheeks!”

The three other girls’ eyes widened at the things coming out of Perrie’s mouth too stunned to say anything.

Zach squinted at Perrie, “Wait she’s already had the baby?”

“PERRIE!”

“Yeah, today actually.” The blonde answered proudly.

“PERRIE SHUT UP!”

“STOP TALKING!”

Perrie stopped, looking at the three girls offendedly, “What?”

“Oh my god, she did not.” Leigh-Anne facepalmed herself. Jade’s jaw was slack and Jesy’s eyes were wide with horror.

“Babe, do you know what you just did?” Jesy questioned Perrie, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose in stress.

You paused the video, taking in what just happened.

Tom eyed you carefully, “Your phone’s been blowing up consistently. Pez even called me to apologize, she feels really bad (y/n).”

You frowned knowing that Perrie was most likely upset at herself. You’ve been friends with Perrie for years now. It was common knowledge amongst you and the girls that if something big and secretive were to happen, you were to never tell Perrie. Not that you all wanted to leave her out on propose, she just didn’t know how to keep her mouth shut. When Perrie found things that made her happy or excited, she didn’t know how to contain her happiness. So it wasn’t completely a surprise to learn she’s told the world you and Tom were finally parents.

Tom noticed that you were still quiet, “Are you mad, darling?”

You shook your head, “No—no, I’m not mad at her. I know Perrie can get too excited sometimes.”

“So you’re okay with this?” Tom asked you, knowing that just an hour ago you said you wanted to keep Amelia away from the public. His hand reaches for yours, grasping it.

You tilted your head at the ceiling, “Yeah, I guess I am? I mean it’s not like she said Amelia’s name or anything. All she told them was that I gave birth already.” You paused and turned to look at Tom.

“Plus, I think she’s saved us the trouble of figuring out how to tell the world about Amelia.” You send him a smile. He reciprocates the action and brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “We don’t have to tell them anything more. All they have to know is that you’ve given birth and our little princess is healthy. Also that we’re very happy. The rest of the details will only be for us. For now.”

“For now.” You confirmed squeezing his hand. You glanced at your phone and motioned for Tom to give it to you. Scrolling through your contacts you clicked on Perrie’s name, “I guess we should call her and thank her.”

You clicked on the FaceTime icon and not even a second later, Perrie immediately answered the call.

“I am so sorry.” She apologized, hand covering her face. You chuckle at her and shake your head, “We’re actually calling you to thank you Pez.”

Her face contorts into confusion, “What do you mean thank me? I just exposed the two of you during a live interview.”

Tom poked his head into frame, “Well one, you’ve announced that Amelia’s here already, so that’s one thing off our list. And two, you just saved me months worth of relief during interviews. Now that everyone knows we have a baby, I don’t need to be scared of accidentally slipping it out when I have to do promos!”

The blonde looked between both you and Tom I’m disbelief, “Are you kidding me? If I knew you two would’ve responded this way I wouldn’t have been spending the last hour beating myself up for it.”

You laughed smiling at her. Perrie beamed at the both of you, “For just delivering a baby, you look gorgeous hun. You’re glowing.”

“Aw thank you, lovey.” You look at Amelia from the corner of your eye. “Do you wanna see her?” Perrie eagerly nods at the camera. Tom takes the camera and rounds your bed to the bassinet. Aiming the camera above Amelia he said, “Amelia, meet Aunty Pez.”

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General Tags ↴

↪︎ @quxxnxfhxll @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @thegirlwiththediary

[sooghostwriter]

Only on the weekends

Member/Pairing: Do Kyung Soo x OC (Nameless)

Genre/Type: Mature, Romance, AU, smut.

Warnings: Full on sexy times, pegging (NOT daddy kink, NOT kink, just good old Christian pegging).

Word count: 11001 words (yikes, a third of the fic)

Notes: This story takes place wherever you want. You will see why it would be weird to center it in Korea.

Thank you to all of you who waited patiently for this last chapter. It was hard to focus on writing because of ADHD and life, but I'm glad I could finish it because I really wanted to write this scene. Scene that was the only reason why I started this fic, that then grew up a bit too much.

Also, thank you to my dear friend @thedeviousdo. Steph, thank you for answering whenever I asked you for your opinion and for fixing everything that needed to be fixed.

Summary: She is saved by a caring man from a little mishappening in the middle of the forest. A small act of kindness turns into seasons of laughs, food, fun, care, love, and sex.

Final Chapter

-Spring-

She was driving back home when she got a call from him. She pressed the answering button, and enjoyed how his voice filled her car “Hulder, I got good news”

“Are you getting a hot tub so we can have sex al fresco?” Kyung Soo snorted and told her he was still thinking about it “Anyway, as I was saying, I have good news, I got two weeks of vacations” Those were indeed good news “You got any plans, my man?”

“No, I want to stay one week at home, I have some things to do, but I don’t have plans for the other week” She offered him an idea. She told him that he could go to the city and stay with her. She had to work, but they could go out during the afternoon, and during the day he could meet his parents, friends, go to the cinema, shopping, etc. “I like it, I really like it, so this weekend, instead of you going to my place, I’m going to you”

“Sounds great, what about Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and the rest?”

“Chanyeol, the human, can stay at my house and take care of them, I need to buy food for him…so see you this Saturday morning?”

“Or Friday night” He agreed to Friday night. So instead of going home, she went to the supermarket.

Her home was clean, the heater was on, food ready to serve and Kyung Soo was parking in front of her building. She loved how he could make her feel butterflies all over her body just by smoothly getting his jeep between two city cars.

She greeted him with a long kiss. She was so happy to have him there, in her home, and for a week. This was going to be the longest they would spend together “What if this is some kind of test for our relationship and we end up hating each other?” She asked him as she served him a plate of creamy Ricotta Corn and Tomato Ziti. He grabbed a bite and took his time to praise her cooking before answering “I don’t think I could hate you, and I’m confident that this week is going to be me going out during the day, and us having sex during the night, there are a lot of surfaces we could try” He looked around nodding and took another big bite of food “Sir, I have to work, don’t forget that”

“I already thought about it, you finish work at six, I pick you up, we go out, we come back by nine, we fuck, and you are going to be sleeping by eleven” She was giggling uncontrollably “You have everything planned uh? I like it, probably I’m not going to function properly the next day, but who cares” He also shared with her his full schedule for that week. Visiting friends, going to the cinema, buying some clothes for the summer, it was a long list “It’s going to be fun” He commented cheerfully “Yeah I’m sure, you probably need to get your eyebrows done too”

“What?” He looked up from his plate, eyebrows up, eyes wide, completely lost. She kept quiet, controlling her smile “What? What do you mean? What’s wrong with my eyebrows?” He insisted, slightly annoyed, but still amused “Nothing, they are perfect, I’m sure you spend some time at the saloon fixing them”

“Are you making fun of me?” He was less annoyed now, smiling with her “A little bit, is cute” He rubbed his eyebrows, looking up “What’s with them, they are alright”

“They are perfect, I love them” He smiled and dropped the issue. But she kept giggling about it for a while.

She cleaned the table as Kyung Soo spoke with his parents, arranging breakfast and lunch with them. They knew about her, her parents knew about him, but none of their families were particularly nosy about their kid’s private life. And they weren’t in a hurry to introduce each other to their respective families.

She had just turned on the dishwasher when he walked behind her and captured her against his chest, dropping a kiss behind her ear “Wanna use one of your surfaces?” He asked, tightening his grip around her “We just ate, what about a nice walk around the neighborhood and then you fuck me”

“Sounds perfect” He dropped a kiss on her other ear and let her go so they could get ready.

As he promised. Kyung Soo picked her up at work every single day. They went on simple fun dates and then they arrived home so Kyung Soo could have his way with her. And she could have her way with him. Their time at her place made them very creative in the matters of sex. Slow, deep and messy or fast, hard and desperate. Sex where no words were needed. Sex where they kept making sure that the other was alright with what they were doing. Whenever they fucked at his place there was hunger in their movements. The first fuck of the weekend was always desperate, a bit harsh sometimes. Now it wasn't the complete opposite. It wasn't calmer, but the pace was different. They both knew that the next evening they were going to be at the same place. Time was different. Instead of enjoying the most from each other for two days, they had eight days to doing so. Although watching time pass was terrible.

By now she knew his body like hers. She could draw him by memory, with her eyes closed. She fell in love with waking up seeing his beautiful profile and going to sleep listening to his deep voice.

He left on Monday, and she felt incredibly sad to see him go. Instead of worrying about fighting with Kyung Soo after spending a week together, she should have worried about not wanting to let him go after spending a whole week with him. She got used to their casual intimacy too soon. She was missing his hand on her back as they walked inside a restaurant. His head on her shoulder when they were having breakfast.

She loved the small gestures and the soft displays of care. Always tender, always natural, and most of the time with a message of possession. And she didn’t care, because she was the same. She knew what her eyes said when she looked at him.

Mine.

---

She wasn't very fond nor connected with nature. But she felt like celebrating the official beginning of spring.

The weather in the city was still a bit cold, but the weather at the farm was already warmer. The threes were blooming, on their way to growing fruits during the summer. Baekhyun was shedding, and brushing his hair was one of her favorite parts of the weekend.

On Saturday, Kyung Soo had an emergency at work and left for the rest of the day. She was in charge of feeding the animal and making dinner. She fetched the veggies from his greenhouse all by herself, which later got her a congratulatory kiss from him.

They had dinner outside. It wasn’t warm, but nothing that a good poncho couldn’t fix. The sky was so clean that night, that they had to stay outside and enjoy the stars.

When they finished dinner, they sat outside, covered by a thick blanket and sharing a big cup of coffee “Love, I have an idea” He offered after sipping their coffee “Let’s go to the river for a night swim” She felt the excitement in her chest. Words weren’t needed, she stood up and Kyung Soo lead the way.

The flashlight they brought was unnecessary. The moon was bright enough to illuminate their path “Isn’t the water too cold to swim?”

“No, at night is always a bit…a tiny bit warmer, not super cold”

“Kyung Soo, just say is cold”

“It’s not! I swear is not as cold as during the day” She sank her hand on the water, and in fact, it wasn’t too cold, it was just cold. She turned around to mess with him but forgot her line of thought after catching him shirtless, pulling down his pants. The sight of his pretty butt covered in black boxer briefs was the only thing that mattered now. She felt like giving it a good bite. He folded his clothes and left them on top of a rock, away from the water “Are we skinny dipping?”

“That sounds fun, but I would rather not, I don’t want a river shrimp messing with my balls” She cackled, unable to continue taking off her shirt, so Kyung Soo helped her.

So, they got into the water on their underwear. And to her surprise, the water wasn’t very cold. Slightly lukewarm was probably the right way to describe it. And the outside was colder than the water, so it was a nice contrast. Still not better than a hot tub, which Kyung Soo still hadn’t bought “You will have your hot tub, I’m still thinking where can we install it so it looks good with the whole house, and we can also have privacy” He told her when she insisted “But babe, If you don’t want one don’t buy it, I just insist because I’m annoying like that”

“Nah, I want one too, Chanyeol’s mom got one and she always speaks wonders about it when I go visit her” She arranged her body against him, hugging his waist and resting her head on his shoulder “You go visit her often?”

“She is like a second mom”

“Invite her next week then, I will like to meet her” Some weeks ago she had met Kyung Soo’s friends. Finally, he decided to share his time with her, with his group of friends. It wasn’t something she would like to repeat too often though. It was a lot of work and energy. It was a group of four guys, but it felt like a village. They all had a lot of questions, a lot to share about Kyung Soo without his approval, a lot of stories. It was fun, messy, and heartwarming. Something that they could do once a month, not more than that. After all, their time was theirs and precious. She knew Kyung Soo was careful with how he shared his time. His work, his house, his farm, and his friends. At least that’s what she saw. She wondered if, in the past, a girlfriend was able to get into that schedule “Kyung Soo, You don't get lonely here?” She began building up her question “No, I spend a lot of time alone, which I like, but also I have my friends in town and I have you”

“What about before me, what about girls?” The building up kind of backfired on her, she wasn’t expecting the displeasure she felt the moment the word ‘girls’ left her mouth. She didn’t want to imagine girls, not in his present, not in his past “Girls?”

“Mmh, yes, girls, you didn't get lonely before?” She closed her eyes tightly, feeling stupid and hating where she was going with all this “No I didn't”

“That's good” Something in her voice made him search for her face, holding her chin softly “Is this jealousy?”

“No” She denied, poorly. He called her name followed by a chuckle, but she ignored him “Well, I must say, I like it, I like this jealousy quite a lot my love” She raised her right arm to slap his chest and make him stop, but he held her wrist and pulled her to his chest, capturing her between his strong arms. It was equally annoying and arousing “I knew who to call” He confessed, serious and honest “Good for you” He chuckled, caressing between her furrowed brows “But it's different with you”

“How?” She asked not sure of what kind of answer she was expecting “You don't shy away, you ask for more and I always want to give you more” He quickly clarified that he wasn’t comparing, but rather voicing out what he liked about her “I like some things, I enjoy doing some things and I know you can give them to me” She said through pouting lips. By now she kept acting like this because she knew Kyung Soo was enjoying it “I still don’t have enough of you, and I hope you are still excited about sharing time with me”

“I don’t think I’m ever going to feel less excited about sharing my time with you Hulder, ever”

“Are we talking sex-wise or love-wise?” She blurted out, not sure why she needed the clarification “Both” She sighed heavily, relieved and happy. Despite being surprised by her own questions, she knew that she could be this vulnerable with him. That he was going to answer, and maybe ask for clarifications later “I don’t want to make promises Kyung Soo, but you know that with me, you only need to ask and I will fulfill what you want” A smirk that she could only describe as dark arose in his lips “Are we talking sex-wise or love wise?” He threw it back at her “Both”

“Anything I want?” She nodded, her mouth replicating his smile. He called her with one finger. She moved her head closer to his, his warm lips brushing her ear. The noise of the river and the threes moving over them went mute and she could only hear his voice confessing what he wanted. She couldn’t believe how incredibly lucky she was, after hearing his whispered request. Later came the shock, after really processing what felt like a fantasy “You want me to peg you?” She asked in a soft whisper “I’m sure you are experienced” He commented offhandedly as he caressed her surprised face “How?”

“The way you touch me” He shrugged as his hand moved down her back, resting on her ass. Yes, she had played with his ass a couple of times, just because it was there and she knew it would feel great. She was surprised, and grateful when he accepted the touch “Are you sure?” She let herself show some of her excitement “I am” He answered amused “It could hurt”

“Not if you are careful”

“Have you done it before?”

“Not pegging, but I have done some things to myself” She closed her eyes, taking in his confession, imagining. And of course, getting aroused by it. The image of a Kyung Soo masturbating with some toy was something that never crossed her mind before, and now was everything she wanted to see. He looked gorgeous in her head.

He tapped her thigh and blew hair on her face “Stop imagining it”

“Can I see it?”

“No…well, we will see” That was enough for her “Can I see you?” He asked raising an eyebrow “Of course! I can do it now if you want, wanna watch me?” She started pulling down her underwear “Not now, just focus on the sky and the water” He stopped her hands and arranged her between his legs, hugging her against his chest.

---

She was out of the game one weekend because of her period. But at this point that was hardly something to lament. She still went to visit him, and still indulge with the pleasurable act of cuddle him and look at him. Caress his cute little head as he rested on her chest. Look into his magnificent wide eyes as he shared stories and sweet words with her. Kissing his button nose, caressing his soft cheeks, hear the prettiest laugh and his deep voice. At night she liked to play with his hair, rub his back and kiss the moles splattered over his body.

Those ways of intimacy, just whisper to each other at night, follow him around the kitchen just because she felt slightly cold and his back was always warm against her chest. Those moments made her see that all this was way deeper than any of them could imagine or recognize.

She knew his name and his smile will linger in her mind for a long time, even if everything ended at some point.

She used those previous days to prepare for Kyung Soo’s big night, as she liked to call it. He told her to order an extra bottle of lube because he was running out of it. Request that straight up turned her on. She had to do some shopping too. She had a harness that fit her perfectly and rubbed her in the right places, so she wasn’t planning on buying a new one. She did have to fish it from the bottom of her wardrobe since she hadn’t used it in years. But she did have to buy a new dildo. Hers was too big, and she didn’t feel like sharing it. So that night after work she went into her favorite sex shop website and bought what she needed. Next day delivery.

The moment she picked up her package she began feeling nervous. And that nervousness continued the following days. Kyung Soo noticed it over their video call and didn’t hesitate on making fun of her. But after he had his laugh, he made sure she was fine with all this “You want to talk about it?” He offered, sitting down at the table and resting the phone somewhere “Of course, I like talking about anything with you”

“What’s making you so nervous?” He asked calmly “Don’t laugh, but I started feeling a bit of pressure like you are losing your virginity and I have to make it unforgettable” He was quick to tell her how silly she was between giggles “Don’t laugh! I’m being serious, I’m preparing thoroughly” That caught his attention, his cute eyebrows showing his interest “What do you mean preparing? I’m the one that should prepare”

“Well sir, if you need to know, I just got in the mail the lube you asked for, and a new dildo”

“A new dildo?”

“Yeah, I could share mine, but it’s too big” He looked curious “How big?”

“As big as you, happy?” He chuckled again, shaking his head “I see, yeah, I think it could be too much for my first time…what else did you buy?” To his disappointment, there was nothing else to show. But the banter made her considerably less worried “I love that we can just talk about things like this”

“About you buying a dildo to fuck me this weekend?” He asked, looking serious but failing and breaking into a smile “Yeah, exactly that”

“Well, I love it too, I’m sorry it's making you anxious, but don’t overthink it and don’t worry, because I’m not, I can’t wait for this Friday” If Kyung Soo was there with her, she would be kissing him by now. They kept talking, with Kyung So throwing jokes at her nervous self until it was time to go to bed, and she excused herself saying she needed a shower “Take me with you then, leave the phone on the sink and keep the curtain open”

“Keep dreaming mister”

“I’m probably going to” She stuck her tongue at him and walked to the bathroom “Are you taking me with you?” He asked excitedly. She answered with an emphatic no “I know, I’m going to leave you then, have a good night of sleep and take care, I love you, beautiful”

“I love you too Kyung Soo, take care” She hung up after sending him a kiss and left her phone on top of the toilet.

She was exfoliating her elbows when it down on her. Kyung Soo said I love you and she said it back, as natural as when she cursed at her coworkers. Just coming from her heart.

She kept washing herself, not thinking too hard about it, only smiling the entire time.

She got ready for bed with the same smile, but this time wondering about things. Things related to Kyung Soo and their confession. She was sure she loved him. Whatever she was feeling could be easily described as love. He had become someone important to her. Probably one of the most important relationships in her life. And not only romantically speaking. She knew she loved him, maybe since a while ago. And now she knew he loved her, which was what was making her so happy. And she could only feel lucky by aiming her feelings and her dedication to him.

She was glad she said it back, like that, over the phone, after a fun, short talk. Easy going in comfortable, like everything between them.

Before falling asleep she stayed a long time staring at the ceiling. Covers up to her chin, feet moving under the covers, an incessant giggle rumbling in the back of her mouth. Pure bliss warming up her body as she thought about their first encounter and everything that followed. Spending almost a year with this beautiful man, which gave her butterflies in her chest and her pussy just by thinking about him. Who always gave it to her a little nasty and a little romantic.

----

She took the highway with a furrow on her face.

That Friday, work was horrible. She was tired, hungry, and slightly frustrated. It was 7 PM, the sun was still up and spring was already showing itself in each tree she passed by. Kyung Soo called her when she was halfway to his place. She put him on speaker and immediately relaxed a bit with his hello. She was sure Kyung Soo sensed something because instead of saying something about how excited he was, how he was waiting for her, he told her to drive carefully and that dinner was waiting for her.

After parking outside his house and pet Baekhyun, she went inside his house and greet him in the kitchen. He dried his hands and walked to her with a soft smile on his lips. He opened his arms wide and she felt something pulling her. With two quick steps, she reached for him and hugged him tightly, getting slightly emotional at the feeling of his arms enveloping her. She released a long sight and nestled her head on his shoulder, hiding on his neck “Long week?” He caressed her head and chuckled when she purred with his touch “Long and weird”

“Do you want to eat what I prepared for you and get drunk with wine?” She hugged him tighter, kissing his neck “That sounds amazing, but what about our night?”

“You mean you pegging me?”

“I have everything ready, but I’m so tired, and my head it’s just not here now” Kyung Soo grabbed her by the shoulders and made her look at him “Hulder, say what you need to say”

“You better offer it” He shook his head slowly, smiling warmly “You have to say it, you always have to tell me how you feel and what you need” She wanted to roll her eyes, but instead she hugged him tighter “Kyung Soo, can we leave the fun for tomorrow?”

“Of course we can, now go wash your hands, dinner is ready” She let go of him with a bit of resistance and kissed him on the cheek. Before going inside the bathroom, she called his name “Kyung Soo, what am I?” He put down the plates, chuckling. “You are such a good girl” She covered her mouth, shrieking, and went to wash her hands.

Kyung Soo prepared a delicious Cajun chicken with roasted potatoes and listened to her rant about work, the city, and the rude neighbor. They finished a bottle of wine over dinner and they opened another one to drink outside since the night was warm. In the beginning, they laid down in different deck chairs, but soon after Kyung Soo climbed on hers. Resting between her legs and laying his head on her chest. He dozed off a couple of times, but she didn’t. She was too focused on caressing his back and kissing his head “I like how warm you feel” He commented between yawns “Kyung Soo, when summer comes and it gets annoyingly hot, can I shave your head?” He knew how much she liked that look on him, so she was sure the proposal wasn’t strange for him “Sure... Are you planning on staying with me until summer?” His voice sounded playful, even confident. But the finger drawing circles in her waist betrayed him “I'm planning on staying with you until you get tired of me” He kept quiet. And he didn’t need to say anything. She could feel his response “Let’s go inside, it’s getting cold” He got up, rubbing his eyes, and helped her get up from the deck chair. She held his hand and didn’t let go as they got inside the house “Let’s go to the forest tomorrow” He offered as he locked the door, without letting go of her hand “Sure, I haven’t been there in months, but what if we met the real Hulder?” She covered her mouth in fake worry “If we encounter her, we share her” He giggled, like always, and walked her inside the house, turning off the light on his way “Ok, but you can’t fuck her, if you don’t satisfy her she could kill you” She teased “Why wouldn’t I satisfy her?!”

“I don’t know Kyung Soo, I’m not her, I don’t know what she likes” She let go of his hand as she got inside his room “I’m still not sure about that, I still have my suspicions about you being a Hulder”

“Well my love, I haven’t kill you yet, so If I am a Hulder, I’m satisfied” He gave her one of his goofy laughs, and held her face, kissing her cheek.

They chatted for a short while before going to sleep. As she cuddled in Kyung Soo’s chest, he kissed her ear and hugged her tighter “I love you” He whispered, “I love you too” The answer came as easily as before.

That Saturday was a slow one. They went out of bed late, she went to feed the chicken as Kyung Soo prepared brunch. Around five, they packed some water and food into a backpack and they went for their planned walk to the forest. Hansel and Gretel without the drama. This time Baekhyun went with them, but on a leash, his tail wagging in happiness.

The trees were bright green or deep dark. The smell of the leaves, the sun hitting the floor and the humble wildflowers hit her nose almost violently. Her senses were always invaded whenever she visited him. In the best way possible.

Kyung Soo held her hand, probably fearing another accident in the forest. In between comments about how beautiful that flower was, or gasps caused by wildlife passing by them, they held a light conversation. As always, the topics were diverse and flowed easily. Picking up where they left when necessary. When a bit of silence fell upon them, she asked what she had been wondering since the morning but needed some build-up to finally ask “Today we are doing it right?” She didn’t need to explain “Of course, did you change your mind?” He asked with his usual calm “No! Of course not, it's just I can't even imagine how to start” He stopped walking and turned around, grabbing her other hand and holding her stare “This is how we start, we take a bath, then you leave me there so I can prepare myself and you can go prepare too” She gasped “That sounds perfect, let's go then” She pulled him in the opposite direction, but he stopped her. He let go of her hand and passed an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in for a kiss. After kissing her long and hard, he let go of her “Now we can go”. He grabbed her right hand tightly and pulled her with him, almost making her trip.

They still had some things to do around the house. But they both worked quickly.

The gate and doors of his house were locked and every single animal fed “I’m going to get the tub ready” She told him as he connected his phone to the charger “Call me when is ready then".

She filled the tub with hot water, spread some bath salts with citric scents, and only called him in when she was naked and submerged in the water. Kyung Soo came in shirtless and gasped stunned “It smells so good, and you look amazing in there”

“Come and join me” She purred, opening her legs to give him space as he pulled down his pants. He looked at her amused when she told him to sit between her legs and rest his back on her chest. He liked the idea. When she hugged him closer to her breast he sighed happily, sinking deeper in the water. She cupped some water on her hand and spilled it on his shoulders, nape, and neck. She poured some soap on her hand and started lapping his body. His muscles relaxed under her hand. His skin kept getting warmer, and he kept sighing in contentment “Are you feeling ok?” She asked him, whispering in his ear. He chuckled and laid back, pushing her to rest her back against the bathtub “Now is perfect” She began washing up his chest, rubbing his skin softly, slowly. She enjoyed that part way too much.

Kyung Soo spoke softly, chatting about small, unimportant things. His way to relax her, she was sure. But he didn’t have to. Not that she wasn’t nervous anymore. She was just growing more and more aroused. The hot water, his body against hers, touching him everywhere she wanted. His hands were exploring her thighs or grabbing hers to drop a kiss or guide them wherever he wanted them. It was impossible to be nervous or worried when distracted by him like that.

But she noticed how he started to grow a bit impatient. He was moving slightly restless, his grip on her thighs slightly tighter “I think we got you clean babe” She whispered in his ear. He straightened up in one sudden movement, almost comically, and patted her leg, hurrying her up. She went out, splashing his head with soapy water, and grabbed one of the towels “I’m going to leave you so you can prepare then”

“I will be there as soon as I can”

“No, don’t, I mean, take tour time” Kyung Soo gave her an exasperated look calling her name, elongating the last sound, provably seeing the worry in her face and voice “Don’t worry, go get dry” He splashed her some water and she finally walked out of the bathroom.

Trying to follow Kyung Soo’s advice to not to worry, she began preparing too. She brought the lube, harness, and dildo from her bag and toss them on the bed. Immediately, questions began flooding her head. Was it too soon to use a strap? Kyung Soo did tell her that he had used toys in the past. But what if the dildo was too big? What if he didn’t know how to prepare himself? Should she had brought poppers? Where poppers legal? What if she hurt him with her big dildo, not enough lube, and the lack of poppers? What if she traumatized him for not being able to fuck her boyfriend the right way?

She was pulled out of her panic when Kyung Soo grabbed her hips and pulled her to him. Capturing her by the waist and pressing his body to hers. He whispered her name on her ear and nuzzled her neck “What are you doing standing here?” She didn’t know what to answer. He moved his hands over her body “At least you are dry…is everything alright?” After a couple of seconds, she answered, or tried to “Is everything going to be alright?” She asked him trying to, as always, find some calm in him “Everything is going to be amazing, fucking amazing” He was able to pull a laugh out of her “Are those your implements?” He pointed at the bed where the three pieces rested “Yeah, lube, strap, and dildo, you like it?”

“It’s pretty, good size too, can’t wait to see you wearing it, why aren’t you wearing it?”

She turned around, hugging him by the shoulders pressing her chest against his. She always liked how his face changed whenever she did that “I was panicking a little bit, and forgot what I had to do” He kissed her nose and gave her a soft slap in her left thigh “Get on the bed and kneel over there” He ordered pointing at the edge of the bed. She took two steps back and climbed on the bed. She kneeled where he said and stretched her arms calling for him. He walked into her arms with a grin on his lips, holding her close, as he always did “Kiss me” He whispered, not that she needed the order, but she appreciated the low whisper. As soon as her lips grabbed onto his lower lip, something inside of her unleashed. Something between them began. Kyung Soo always deepened the kiss, sucking on her tongue and getting her first moan. She was so addicted to grabbing his hair as he sucked on her lips, stroking his shoulders as he rubbed her tongue with his. With one last lick to her lower lip, he moved along her jaw and down the slope of her neck. Their hasten breaths were synchronized, as their hands caressed each other’s skin. His lips were just a breath away from hers as he whispered beautiful things about her body, about his want. And she wanted, needed to give him everything he wanted. But his touch always overpowered hers. His hand moved with confidence and decision over her body. Knowing that he had complete freedom to do whatever he wanted. Confident that he knew just what she liked. She had that confidence too. But she was always so distracted by him.

He moved his hands down her waist, fondling her ass sweetly, making her giggle with the tickles. His hand kept moving down between her thighs until he reached her center moaning in triumph as he moved his fingers softly over her folds, spreading her wetness “You are already wet” He said, looking at her with wonder “I sure am…you get me like this so easily”

“Is it my touch or what is about to come?” He held her stare as he kept moving his fingers slow enough to drive her mad “It’s both, it’s everything, are you nervous?” She was acting a bit selfish worrying about her side of the story, of what she could do wrong, without checking on him first. Although he kept reassuring her how much he wanted this, she needed to check every step with him. His comfort, and his consent “A bit” He scrunched his nose, looking down “Relax” She whispered, caressing his ear “Touching you relaxes me” He rested his head on her hand “Then go ahead” A rumble of laughter in Kyung Soo’s throat made her sight, feeling completely taken by him “You are really looking forward to this” He joked “Really, really, really” She hid her face in his neck, already feeling a bit too much. Feeling like melting into his body. She grabbed his right hand, and he stopped moving immediately “Not yet?” He asked, voice soft and genuine. She only shook her head and with frenzy licked her way up to his neck, getting more moans and whispers in her ear. Although she wanted her pleasure, and she knew she was going to get it later, this was about Kyung Soo. And she wanted to make him lose his mind between her arms and legs.

She straightened her back, and whatever look she was giving him, he liked it. She could tell by the slight blushing and the cute smile on his lips. She reached for him with both hands, caressing his cheeks, feeling their warmth. She followed the path of his necks, shoulders, her fingers brushing his stiff nipples. With only her fingertips she caressed the soft lines of her stomach and kept moving down, inexorably towards his cock, but she passed it by and moved down his thighs, before going back upwards. This time she did what they both wanted and with one hand she began pumping his cock and held his waist with the other. She pushed down towards his pubic bone and then hard against the top of his dick. He was now fully erect, thrusting into her fingers.

Shame or even self-control were two concepts that weirdly applied to their relationship, so with that freedom falling upon them, she put her hands to work. One hand went to his balls, massaging and pulling, just hard enough, using the knowledge she has gathered over months of knowing him and touching him. Her other hand clasped around the base of his cock and squeezed. He choked out her name, and grabbed her face in his hands, bringing her lips to his, without kissing her. Just breathing and cursing on her mouth. She stayed like that, one hand around his balls, the other around his cock, swelling it. He got his pleasure, she got hers, and also an injection of confidence with every word of encouragement he roared in her lips. There was fire flowing through them, melting every cell of their bodies. She wanted him to go down on her, to ride his thigh, suck his dick. So many things. But above all that, she wanted to feel the strap around her hips. The power and unrestrained satisfaction that came from it.

Following a long, deep moan, he let go of her face and grabbed her wrists, stopping her hands from moving. He kept quiet, staring at her lips, frowning, a light sweat forming on his temples. Her body shivered with the tension he was forming. If he wanted her to beg she would do it happily “Kiss me, Kyung Soo, please” She felt his grip tightened, as he granted her wish, kissing her hard and fast. The kiss was short, as he began kissing across her chest, slowly, firmly. He traced along her collar bones, her nipples, lingering there, biting them, and pulling them. She was suddenly very aware of them as one of his hands let go of her and traced a line down her sternum, across her stomach, and in one swift move he cupped her pussy and inserted two fingers in. He did it in time to his lips pinching her nipples. She shouted in pleasure, throwing her head back, moving her hips as his fingers continued moving inside of her. His lips kissed their way to her ear and with a low whisper he asked her “Do you want me to make you come?” She shook her head, her mouth too busy moaning “You want to make me come?” She nodded, searching for his lips, but not succeeding. He was now away from her, his hand had moved from between her legs to her hips “Then put that on and do it” He pointed at the middle of the bed where the strap on was. She noticed how his fingers were still wet, so in an attempt to balance the power, she grabbed his hand at took it to her mouth, sucking him clean “Sit down and watch me get ready” He smiled as she gave his fingers a last suck. Kyung Soo sat at the edge of the bed and handed her the strap. She grabbed it and told him to pay attention “So next time you can put it on me, it’s not hard, but I’m particular about the tightness”

“I’m going to burn it in my memory”

“Very good” She slid the piece up her legs and arranged the straps over her hips and under her thighs. With clumsy fingers, due to the whole situation and a bit of rustiness from her side, she arranged the sliders, tightening them around her body. The dildo moved rather comically as she accommodated the strap, but it was part of the experience so she just giggled. Once she was done, Kyung Soo reached for her, so she took a step closer and let his hands wander over her strap “It doesn’t hurt, or scratch your skin?”

“No, this is good quality, no chafe, water-resistant, I can even wash it in the washing machine” He chuckled and with one finger followed the line of the purple dildo “Nice color” He commented, weighing it on the palm of his hand “You like it? Like how I look on it?” He stood up and pulled her to him by the straps of the harness “I like it, and you look beautiful, tell me what to do now” She took a deep breath, her heart racing “Get on the bed, to start, get on your hands and knees, I’m going to prepare you and then we can start, is that alright?” He took a deep breath, clearly feeling the same things she did, and nodded once “It’s alright, I’m a bit embarrassed, I’m not sure that’s the right word, maybe a bit self-conscious”

“I think that’s the right word, but don’t worry, you are going to start enjoying it soon” He nodded again and gave her a peck on the lips, turning around and climbing on the bed.

She had to slap herself to wake up from the daze of watching him just give himself to her, and to pump herself up. This was going to be unforgettable for both. And it was all in her hands. And she was going to do it perfectly. She was going to fuck the hell out of him.

She already knew how much experience he had. How much he could take, after speaking long and open about it over a couple of phone calls. She knew she didn’t need to explain too much to him either. But she knew she had to check on him in every step, after all, this wasn’t the same as using his fingers or a butt plug. Kyung Soo handed her the bottle of lube and arranged himself on the bed, as he told him, on his hands and knees.

She felt so lucky, so incredibly in love with him. Especially when he looked over his shoulder and asked her what she was waiting for “I’m sorry, I was just taking you in”

“Yeah? Looks good?”

“So incredibly good”

“I’m glad, so…I just have to stay here” She kneeled next to him and held his cheek, making him look at her “Stay here, relax, tell me if you feel any discomfort and if you like it…I want to hear that too” He nodded and patted her thigh, hurrying her. She went back to her previous position and squirted a good amount of lube in her fingers, spread it around her dildo, and then reached for his hole. At the first touch, he jolted, so she stopped immediately. He told her to go ahead, so she did. She moved the tip of her fingers in circles, covering the exterior with lube. Massaging to help him relax and stimulate him. With one long breath, he bent his elbows, resting his head on the bed, bringing his hips up. She smiled to herself and followed the need of her other hand. She grabbed his thigh, moving her hand up slowly until she reached his behind giving it a hard squeeze “Kyung Soo, babe, can I spank you later?” He released a breathy laugh “Sure you can, it’s only fair, I always spank you”

“Thank you” She whispered, vibrating with excitement. She kept moving her hand up, caressing the dimples on his back, staying there a bit longer as she kept massaging his entrance. Feeling it warmer, and definitely more relaxed. She looked at his body, feeling some appetite growing in her. A need to lick up his spine and taste the gold that came from the sun. She kissed his lower back and kept moving up. Kissing and licking each bump of his spine. Kyung Soo had his face hidden on his arms, she could hear low moans escaping his lips as he moved his hips, seeking more of her touch. Arching his back, begging her to enter. She positioned herself behind him and held to his hips, grinding the strap onto him slowly. He released a breathy laugh “What?” She asked surprised “I’m so turn on is stupid” He followed by a chuckle. She laughed with him, grinding again against him, turning his cute laugh into a moan “I need to prepare you some more though” She offered with a bit of worry “I’m fine, I already took care of it” She didn’t want to make him wait anymore, so she reapplied lubricant on him “Take a deep breath, relax and release as it goes in”

“Ok”

“And tell me if it hurts”

“I will” She kissed his right cheek and eased into him slowly. She saw in awe how he opened up for her. Slowly, with a slight resistance, but with a soft yet constant pressure, she was able to get half of the strap inside him. She listened closely to his sounds. Grunts mixed with soft moans, his shoulders looked tense, but the curve of his back told her that he wasn’t that bad. She had to ask anyway “Are you feeling alright?” She stopped moving before getting his answer “It feels weird, but no pain whatsoever”

“Want me to go on?”

“Yes please, I want it all in” She jolted as she felt his sentence hit her right on her clit. Excitement rumbled in her chest imagining how good it was going to get. Because it was never enough, she purred some more lube on her and kept pushing in, holding his hips with one hand and the base of the dildo with the other. Soon enough, she was all in.

Kyung Soo asked her to stay there, without moving so he could get used to the fullness. She caressed his thighs and back, looking at where they were connected with a big smile. She liked looking at his buff frame in the bed, under her. Because even if they were the same height, she always felt smaller in his arms. A sense of him covering her, embracing her. It wasn’t bad at all, but she always enjoyed being on the other side. Now she didn’t feel bigger, she wasn’t seeking that. But she felt him as something precious between her arms. Someone she needed to take care of, be very careful not to hurt him. Never to hurt him.

Kyung Soo’s shoulders were now fully relaxed and breathing more steadily. He reached behind with one hand and grabbed her hand that was resting in his left hip “I’m good now, move” She didn’t answer, only held onto his hand and began moving. Her hips backed up enough to leave only the tip of the strap in, and then with a slow motion, she went back in. He offered less resistance this time, but she was equally amazed and aroused by his body taking her in. He shivered, breathing faster. His hand let go of hers and went to his dick, pumping himself slowly. She moaned, lowering her chest, and hugging him from behind. Kyung Soo answered with a moan, lifting his head from the mattress and resting on his hands. She kissed his shoulders and neck, and he moaned, turning his face, searching for her lips. The cuteness and sexiness of it all made her buck her lips a bit harder, to which Kyung Soo answered with a louder moan. She was going to apologize for the sudden move, but he interrupted her “Like that, keep moving like that babe” She held his hips and straightened her back, arranging her angle. Now that she had his permission, she began experimenting with different speeds. Going in slowly, bucking her hips harder, in one swift move or faster, going in and out quickly. He was gasping with pleasure, getting out soft moans. Heat was unfurling in her core and she felt a quickening in her veins. She wasn’t going to come, neither Kyung Soo, but the sensation was close to that. The faster she moved her hips, the more she felt the strap rubbing her. There wasn’t a direct stimulation, but rather a constant pressure that kept her aroused. That and seeing her boyfriend enjoying this. Kyung Soo’s back was glistening, his muscles showing more due to the current workout.

She lowered her hips, trying a different angle, and started making small circles with them “Fuck, that feels amazing” He grunted, his mouth open and panting. She repeated the movement and grew a bit more confident, finally owning her role. She began pulling his ass into her as she pushed into him. Then slid out of him, and squeezed his ass, dropping the first slap. He jolted, releasing a gasp mixed with a moan “Do it again” She repeated her moves, getting another moan.

After a couple of times, Kyung Soo patted her thigh, calling for a time out “It's everything ok?”

“It is, it really is, I’m just a bit…overwhelmed” She used that time to reapply lube in their dildo, as Kyung Soo controlled his breathing. She massaged his thighs and butt cheeks, and despite how beautiful was her current view. She missed his face. She missed looking at him as they had sex, seeing his pleasure take over. His dark eyes and red, wet lips “Kyung Soo would you turn around so I can watch you” She asked softly, sweetly, knowing that it will take some convincing from her side. And his answer was what she expected “Is it really necessary?” Followed by a groan “Please, do it for me, I really want to see you, and also is going to feel great I promise”

“I know it will” He grunted again and slowly turned around, hissing as he sat on the bed “What? What is it? Does it hurt? Did I peg you wrong?” He started chuckling, covering his face with both hands “No you didn’t peg me wrong, I’m alright” He arranged his head on the pillows, dried his forehead with the back of his hand, and looked at her with hooded eyes “What?” She asked, fixing her hair, slightly self-conscious under his stare “You look gorgeous” He muttered, uncovering his face “I do?” Kyung Soo’s legs were slightly open, so she got in between them, hovering over him, one hand on each side of his head “You too, so beautiful” He gave her a beaming smile, turning his head to the side to drop a kiss on her wrist. The shine of his neck, covered in sweat, caught her attention. She lowered her body and dropped a kiss on his jaw. When Kyung Soo tried to turn around and kissed her, she grabbed his chin and held his head still, giving her better access to his neck “I’m all sweaty” He complained, but she ignored him, leaving a couple of love bites on her way. After showering his face with kisses, she pushed herself up, arranging herself between his legs. She took in his current estate. Messy hair, red lips, and shiny eyes, his neck now marked by her, sweaty chest, still breathing heavily. She could tell he was enjoying all this. Hopefully thanks to her. But what made her the proudest was the red, hot erection he was displaying “Look at you, so pretty” She simply observed, but still made Kyung Soo chuckle with a bit of embarrassment. She was hovering over him again, trying to go for another kiss, when her hair popped out the bobby pin she had put on. Locks of hair cascaded over her face, tickling his face, getting in the way. She lifted one hand from the mattress trying to fix it, but Kyung Soo bit her on it. He passed his fingers through her hair and then carefully placed it behind her ear. With soft fingers he caressed down the shell of her ear, rubbing her earlobe. She moaned with his touch, closing her eyes in pure pleasure “You liked that?” He asked amused “I like how soft you are”

“Soft?”

“Yes, soft, because even when you are rough with me, it’s rooted in your tenderness, the calm you share with me”

“So it’s a good thing” He wondered, fixing her hair on the other side “It’s a perfect thing” He grabbed her by the neck and pulled her down for a kiss. His tongue tracing over her lips, a possessive hand on her neck “You are not done with me right?” He whispered against her lips, low and fast. She answered with a smile, moving away from him, this time for good.

She arranged a pillow under his hips, caressing his thighs on her way. She repeated the process of lubing him up and her strap. There was always a hint of a smile whenever she looked at him, already relaxed and less worried about being exposed to her like this “Ready?” She asked him, kissing his right knee. He only nodded, taking a deep breath as she rubbed the tip of her dildo over his ass. She pushed inside slowly, noticing how easier it was to get in. Kyung Soo released a long moan, lifting his head from the bed, looking down at them.

This position was definitely better. Watching his expressions, seeing his chest move in compass with his heavy breathing. She moved her hips slowly, watching her strap going in and out of him, feeling extremely aroused by the scene. Doing this now, knowing that he was watching her, made her feel bolder. More sensual and definitely more resolved to give him the best night. Kyung Soo's hands wandered down his sides, locking his fingers with hers. He pulled her hands to his hips and held them to his hipbones “Go harder” He mumbled, moving his hands over his dick, grunting as she obeyed, pounding him harder. There was a short moment, just a couple of seconds where she felt like looking away. As if this was too intimate for her to watch. Too beautiful and bright. As if looking at the sun. But after those two seconds were gone, she reminded herself that this was for them to enjoy, for her to watch. Just for her. And she was going to make sure that she was the only one having him like this. The only one that he could come to when needing this kind of pleasure.

A pleasure that she knew she was going to need again someday. Because the power she felt, the constant rush of pleasure between her legs, the drops of sweat falling down her back, and their sounds were unique and addictive. It was driving her crazy, and she could tell Kyung Soo was on the edge too. She knew him good enough now, she knew every single one of his gestures. Kyung Soo bit down his lower lip, grabbing her hands and tightening his legs around her. She grinned in triumph before he said anything “I'm going to cum” He grunted, bucking his hips restlessly. Her dirty mind worked quickly. She stopped moving her hips and made him look at her “Where do you want to come?” He kept silent, his ears reddening adorably “Please say it” She pleaded, rubbing the back of his hands soothingly. He groaned, and then pulled himself up, letting go of her hands to grab her face. He pressed his forehead to hers, their mouth so close that when he finally answered her question, his lips were brushing hers “I want to come inside you”

“Fuck” She grunted against his lips, pulling out of him and getting on her back. Because she wanted the same. She began pulling the strap loose to take it off, but Kyung Soo stopped her “No, leave it there” She felt her eyes water. Too good to be true.

Kyung Soo helped her arrange herself on the bed and then tried to reach for a condom. But without second thoughts, she grabbed his wrist “Don’t… I want it all inside me” He whispered her name in shock and asked her twice if she was sure “I am, do you want it too?”

“Yes, fuck, I want it too” She pulled him closer with her legs, and bucked her hips against him, desperate. He licked his lips in the most menacing yet sensual way. With a half-smile, Kyung Soo grabbed her by the strap pulling her closer. He caressed her pussy, up and down, slowly, covering his fingers with her cum “You are so wet, so hot, I can see you enjoyed fucking me”

“Kyung Soo, you can’t even imagine how amazing it was” He chuckled, grabbing his cock, teasing her entrance “If it felt half as amazing as it is to fuck you, then it was worth it”

“Did you enjoy it?” He chuckled again and began pushing inside her “Why don’t you feel how much I enjoyed it” He tried to do it slowly, but she felt how he began losing control, shoving his dick inside her in one rough push. She moaned loudly, arching her back, grabbing her breasts to enhance every sensation. Kyung Soo cursed again, bucking his hips slowly, his eyes tightly closed as he buried himself deep inside her. She sighed, feeling some sort of relief, surprised by how nice it felt to be stretched by him, skin to skin. She opened her eyes, looking over at him. He had his eyes closed, his long lashes fluttering, his nostrils flaring as he grunted long and low. He called her name a couple of times, a sharp inhale brimming with longing. He began moving his hips slowly, their moans harmonizing. She watched him struggle to keep his eyes open when she couldn’t close hers. Not wanting to miss any of his reactions, keeping all this in her memory. But her memory wasn’t enough. She wanted the feeling of his skin burned in hers, and the taste of his mouth in her tongue. She reached for him, stretching her arms, but only brushing his shoulders with the tip of her fingers. She called his name, a whisper that was barely audible between his grunts and her moans. She tried calling him louder, and he finally opened his eyes, an urgent look in his eyes. She moved her fingers, stretching her arms farther away trying to reach for him. Something close to a growl sounded in Kyung Soo’s chest, and he did what she was begging for. He dropped on top of her, taking her breath away. Their mouths, all thrashing lips and probing tongues, ravenous animals. His fingers rivaled to reach her ribcage and grab and squeeze her waist. He let go of her after giving a long deep suck to her lower lip and kissed his way down to her chest. Kyung Soo groaned, squeezing her breasts together, and sucking a nipple between his lips “Don’t stop, please don’t stop” Her fingers weaved through his thick, dark hair, holding him prisoner against her chest. His rhythm remained slow. He panted and groaned on every stroke. Her release was pooling, so close, but not there yet. The edging was maddening and addictive. With one of his thrust, she felt him deep inside, and he stopped moving. He stopped kissing her and just rested his forehead on her chest, breathing heavily. She rubbed his neck and caressed his shoulder blades, moving her hips to the side, just a small movement to gain some friction “You are so deep inside me baby” She purred, with a clear agenda. Kyung Soo bucked his hips, moaning and getting what she wanted. He lifted his head, locking eyes with her, his cheeks red and his eyes shining “You are so fucking hot, I’m going insane” He ended with a short laugh, giving a hard thrust. He pushed himself up, making her miss his chest against hers, but sure that it was about the get better. He lifted one of her legs up to his shoulder, opening her up even further for him. He pulled himself out of her, looking between her legs with wonder as he rubbed himself. She was shaking, breathing fast, her hands sliding down her body, wanting to touch herself, but the strap was still on her way. She tried to lose it, move it to the side, something. But Kyung Soo grabbed the dildo, and pulled her hips to him, ramming his cock deep into her. She moaned loudly, and lifted her back, propping herself up on her elbows. Kyung Soo’s pace took off at speed, each thrust more powerful than the last. He let go of her strap and grabbed her head, pulling her closer as he laid down on her, stretching her leg and moving deliciously inside her “I’m going to come” He whispered, looking her in the eye “Yes! Don’t stop and come with me, give it to me Kyung Soo, fill me up baby” Kyung Soo cursed loudly, giving short and quick thrusts, moaning against her mouth. One last curse came before he pushed hard, spilling inside her. In an attempt to shut his moans down, he sucked on her neck, making her see white, finally reaching her orgasm. She held to his shoulders as she could, moving her hips with

no control, moaning on his ear, feeling him all over her walls. His open mouth was panting against her neck, whispering her name as she was still moaning, moving her hips seeking for more, just a bit more. With a loud grunt, Kyung Soo pulled out until only the tip of his cock stayed inside her and then plunged back inside. She moaned again, as he gave her a breathy laugh. She laughed with him, her gaze fixed on his face, his pupils blown wide enough that his eyes looked black. His body undulated, rocking in and out for the last time. She could already feel him going soft inside her. The muscles of his shoulders and chest began to relax beneath his skin until he finally stopped moving, drying his forehead with the back of his hand. She felt the aftershocks of her orgasm ease down her body, making her stretch her limbs. There was a short silence after both of their moans ceased down and their breathing reached a normal rhythm “Are we going to need another bath?” He asked to break the melted ice. But she ignored him at first, focused on the way he was losing the sliders of her strap. She let him finish what he was doing, a small smile on his gorgeous lips as he pulled the piece down her legs and then tossed it somewhere in the room “A bath sounds good, but later, come here first” She laid on the bed next to him, her head on the fluffy pillows and grabbed his arm, pulling him to her. He laid next to her, passing an arm under her waist and a leg over her hips. She cuddled him closer, hugging him and pulling his face to hers, catching his lower lip with her needy mouth. As always, he responded with the same neediness. Kissing slow, nasty slow. His hand moved over her back with more gentleness, his breath and moans a soft whisper. She rubbed his left thigh, trying to ease some of the soreness he must have felt, and then over his lovely ass. Carefully, in case he was feeling any discomfort “I’m ok” He commented between kisses, reading her mind “You sure? It doesn’t hurt?”

“No, there is a ….sensation, but I wouldn’t call it pain” She sighed with relief. Kyung Soo opened his eyes, now less dark, but clearly a bit tired. He looked at her, making her feel flustered under his stare “What?” She felt her cheeks growing red and she loved that feeling "Stay, stay with me the rest of the week." He sounded so serious, she could almost feel the possessiveness in his hands that held her ribs. This was the first time he had ever said anything like this to her before. Not even as a joke. It was usually her that decided on the time they spent together, how long she would stay at his place. It was almost an order, he was taking control of their time. "I think your orgasm is talking." She tried to ease the intensity in his eyes, in his words. "No it's not, stay for the week, stay for the rest of your life with me." She giggled seeing his grin get larger, his tone softening to a light tease. She grabbed his face, squeezing his cute round cheeks before kissing him tenderly. "Let's talk about it over breakfast ok?" She asked, trying to appease his sudden need for her to stay. She wasn't trying to give herself time to think about it, she knew what she wanted. She only needed the time to make a few calls, move things around to free up her week. But there was a conversation they needed to have, needed him to hear. Because being with him for a week, at their beloved farm, will only make her wish for more. For more than a week here with him. And if she were honest, if that couldn't happen she'd just kidnap him and disappear in the forest. Away from work, away from weekdays, away from only weekends.

After all, maybe she was the Hulder he claimed her to be.

The End

[mae-gi-writes]

Obtuse | Bang Chan (Stray Kids) - PART TWO

Summary ☆ "I don't know. I want to be his friend but then again, I don't. I mean, how can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, you're thinking about how much more you really want?"

Genre ☆ bestfriends to lovers au, angst, slowburn, suggestive themes, college au, fluff, soft Chan x oc (Micha)

Word count ☆ 

. ° ☆ ° .

PART ONE | PART TWO

. ° ☆ ° .

Idiot, Micha kept on replaying the words like the words to her favourite song, Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

There she sat in the hospital chair beside her mother’s unconscious body, her life hanging by a thread with the help of the machine that beeped obnoxiously in the corner, and all she could think of was of the messed up realization that she was in love with her best friend.

Chan hadn't spoken a word as she'd sobbed and sobbed, even though she wasn't sure what she was crying about exactly. He'd only wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in to rest his head against hers in an embrace so firm and filled with warmth that her heart tugged in pain. He was so close that it pained her, the realization that he was so close yet so far was a blow that left a permanent bruise.

So she'd pushed him away, wiped her tears and gestured him to follow her.

He said nothing as he sat beside her, shifting every now and then as he succumbed to the dreadful silence filling the room.

And she hated it, that he was here as if this was the most normal thing for him to do. Because it wasn't. As if on impulse, Micha couldn't help but glance at his attire that confirmed her suspicions he'd just gotten out of the gym, probably having dropped everything to rush to her side.

"Who told you?" Micha asked. Her voice felt weird, strangled as she spoke.

Chan shifted and she felt his eyes on her face, the warmth of them permeating through her skin, "Felix called."

A stagnant pause ensued. In the silence, Micha forced herself to swallow down the lump of emotion stuck in her throat, forced down the feelings that seemed to have erupted through her every pore like she had just opened up a pandora's box of truths.

Go away, was what Micha's brain screamed. Go away.

But her heart protested. Please don't leave me.

Her brown orbs lifted to his side profile. Please don't leave me.

Even if I love you.

"You should go," is what she murmured out instead, "you're wasting your time."

"Don't say that," he replied, tone firm.

His silent assurance, that made it even harder to push him away. Micha didn't know how to feal with these feelings and though she wished she had stayed blossfully ignorant of them, there was no denying the cold hard truth that now blared atop her head like a red alert sign.

At some point, Micha's eyelids had fluttered closed for the next thing she knew she was squinting, disoriented and cuddled into a warmth that smelt of familiar pine and boy aftershave. Chan.

It was so familiar, laying on his chest and smelling that comforting scent of his, a scent that reminded her of home. She couldn't help but notice how well she fitted against him, the warmth of his hands casual on her waist and his nose nudging her temple and her heart skided to a momentary halt.

This was Chan. Just Chan, her best friend. Nothing else, nothing more.

So it was a relief once the doctor slid through the door, causing her to instantly jostle Chan out of the way. He stated that while her physical injuries would heal in a few weeks, though the one thing that worried him the most was the fact that her mother might not wake up from her vegetative state.

Micha would've fainted if not for Chan's strong hold on the back of her elbow and at some point, her father ushered her out with firm orders that the young man take her home.

"Here," he stuffed a few dollar bills in Chan's hand despite the latter's protests, "get some dinner. I insist."

The next few weeks were a blurry mixture of visiting the hospital while helping her father to run the family restaurant whenever she could. They took turns sleeping and watching over her mother's unconscious form, talked about the happenings of their everyday life in hopes that it would trigger something, anything.

The unforseen circumstances caused Micha to push back her internship by a semester and that so meant that she was permanently home and permanently swamped by none other than her best friend.

"What are you doing here? You’re supposed to have class," Micha asked upon noticing him slide out of the the kitchen with two sets of noodle bowls on a tray. It was no understatement to say that NomNom Noodles Restaurant was bustling with hungry customers as it was a Friday evening. What Micha hadn't expected though, was to see Chan's sloppy smile and sweaty forehead.

He shrugged, "your dad told me you could use the help."

Her heart tugged, partly churning with affection followed by this burning annoyance to get him out of her sight.

And he was helpful; he was a charming waiter that cracked jokes whenever he could, grabbing the dishes from her hands the moment she walked out of the kitchen, wiping tables he wasn't even assigned to. And all that made it harder for Micha to push him away. Oh how she wanted to ignore him, to make him understand that she needed a space, and a lot of it.

But she didn't want to hurt him. Not when he deserved so much better.

"Oi."

Micha was whipped back to reality when she felt Chan's finger poke her forehead, only to be faced with his dimpled grin, "earth to Micha. Customers are waiting."

Heat flushed through the back of her neck. She swatted him away, "don't touch me with your greasy hands."

"Aw shut up you," he made a move towards her, causing her to sidestep with ease, "stop it, Chan--"

She whipped around, almost bumping into one of the chairs as Chan's arms circled around her shoulders to pull her back to hug her close, "Chan!"

"Don't I smell nice? I'm just sharing it with you!"

And as if on cue, the door chimed open, both their heads whipping up with welcoming grins.

Only to face Ayeong's smile.

"Ayeong!" Micha all but shoved Chan away as she noticed the slight, barest slip of the said girl's smile.

Chan whooped and ran up to his girlfriend, cheeks flushed and eyes crinkling into crescents, "baby girl! You came!"

"And I brought company," she allowed him to kiss her cheek just as the door opened to reveal Minho and Seungmin bundled up into their coats.

Swalllowing down the sudden lump of pain, Micha went forward into Ayeong's open arms, "hey, it's been a while."

"I know!" Ayeong hugged her tight, so genuine that tears threatened to fall. Micha squeezed back slightly before quickly diverting her attention to greet the two other boys.

The restaurant was empty by the time their noodles were fresh out of the pot, meaning that they had the restaurant for themselves as they caught up on life and remembered their high school days. Micha learnt that Minho was interning at another restaurant, Seungmin had passed his Design projects with flying colours, and Ayeong had already signed a contract with the business hotel that she had trained with.

"That's amazing,” Micha said to Ayeong, "do you like it?"

"I do," Ayeong beamed, "and my superiors are nice too. They're all a bunch of guys so they aren't complicated."

"Careful Ayeong, one might think that you're gonna change boyfriends," Minho teased and caused the girl to stick out her tongue at him before leaning against Chan's shoulder.

Micha's eyes instantly shot away, swallowing hard at the knot forming in her stomach. She couldn't help it. It was like second nature to hurt herself by catching small glimpses of their entwined hands, of the adoration dripping from their eyes and she wished she could just make all the pain end.

It seemed like Minho noticed her unusual demeanour, for as they were leaving the restaurant after washing up the dishes, he'd stopped by the door to shoot her a concerned look.

"You okay, Micha?"

Surprise flitted through her face for a few seconds, "uh, yeah. Yeah I'm fine."

She saw him glance at Chan's figure before looking back at her with pursed lips, eyebrows knitted together as if deep in thought, and shook her head.

After all, who could deprive Chan of his happiness?

. ° ☆ ° .

It was safe to say that Micha fell into a routine; waking up to visit her mother in the early morning hours, replacing her father at the restaurant when it was his turn to sit at her mother's bedside, avoiding Chan at all costs even though he was practically throwing himself in her way, and locking up at around ten, nine earliest if the restaurant was void of clients.

She would've made a much greater effort at pushing Chan's helping hand away if not for the fact that her mother was mostly occupying the forefront of her mind. The truth was, a small part of her was actually relieved that Chan stayed no matter how angry she seemed, how cold she was to him. He was a big puppy constantly coming back for more no matter how much she kicked at his countenance.

And that made her feel even worse.

"Me and Aejong made pancakes the other day," Chan chatted on one late evening as they were clearing the tables, with Micha responsible for wiping them down while he mopped the floor, "she's a horrible cook. As unbelievable as that sounds."

"Why? Because she's too good at everything?" Micha knew she sounded bitter, but her tongue seemed to have a mind of its own, lashing out without control.

Chan, as oblivious as he was, didn’t seem to catch her sense of mockery, “maybe not everything. But she’s definitely very talented in many ways. I never knew she took piano lessons until she was seventeen. She passed the exams and all.” 

"Good for her.” 

“You know what’s the best thing though? I really like that she never boasts about herself. That, I admire that--”

“Yes Chan, I get it,” Micha finally snapped.

Chan paused in mid-mop, “What? What did I do now?” 

Her teeth sunk onto her lower lip as she kept on wiping down the tables instead of answering his question. 

“Why are you angry with me?”

"I’m not angry with you,” she folded her dishcloth a little too aggressively and turned to the other table. 

“Then why are you talking to me like that?” 

“It’s nothing.” 

“Micha.” 

“I said it’s nothing!” Micha finally whipped around to scowl at him and maybe it was the mixture of saddened pain whenever she thought of her dying mother along with the continuous stab, stab, stabbing of knives that pinched her heart every time she saw Chan so much as utter his lover’s name, a name that wasn’t hers, that brought tears to her eyes despite her not wanting to let him in, not anymore, not when he was one of the sources causing her pain. 

But the young man’s frustrated expression gave way to instant worry the moment he caught her eye. He made a move towards her. 

And that was when she burst into a fit of angry, heart-wrenching sobs. 

It was as though all the pain and the pent-up emotion that she’d stuffed at the back of her heart like an unused closet she could throw away the key suddenly burst open without warning, for once she started crying, Micha found that she couldn’t stop. Her tears only heightened upon feeling the warmth of her best friend’s embrace, pulling her closer and allowing her to sob her way through the tides of pain and worry and sadness that seemed to have taken over her countenance. 

Cheek pressed against the side of her head and hands softly rubbing comforting circles along her back, Micha just allowed herself to feel sorry for her state, if only for this one night where she thought that everything was slipping through her fingers; her mother, Chan. Her career. Her future. 

Once Micha had cried all the tears from her body so that there were none left, she could only rest against Chan as he rocked her from side to side, the only comfort that was holding her broken pieces together at this point. She hated it, loathed it. His kindness, his genuine concern for her. 

It made it so much harder to push him away. 

“How long have you been holding this in?” came his softened murmur against her hairline. She shivered unconsciously, hating the way her heart seemed to beat a little faster merely for his alto. Or maybe it was the closeness, the intimacy of his touch, especially in the dim lights of the restaurant with only the soft distant sounds of traffic in the distance to keep them company. 

“It’s not about how long,” Micha’s fingers unconsciously gripped the back of his hoodie, hoping to extend this moment for a little longer. Just for tonight. She continued in a mumble, “everything is...everything is just so overwhelming.”

"Want to talk about it?” 

Micha’s lips pressed into a thin line. When she spoke after her slight bout of hesitation, her voice trembled, “it’s like I’m not even in my life anymore. I feel like I’m in a nightmare-- and I can’t wake up.”

He hummed in reply, hugged her just a little tighter and kept rocking from side to side. That was all the encouragement she needed. 

“I mean, my mom’s a vegetable and she’s--dying,” a small sob echoed through her throat, “I know how these patients end up. I see no other solution. She’s going to wither away in that bed and I can’t do any fucking thing about it. And then there’s my degree which I’m not completing because we obviously need the money for mom so I don’t know what’s going to happen to me, to my life and to my career and just, I just can’t breathe Chan and it scares me, it scares me so damn much--”

“Hey hey,” he pulled back just enough to see another path of tears dribbling down her face, thumb reaching up to brush it away, “it’s okay, shh. Enough crying, hm? You know I hate it when you cry.” 

That only incited her to cry some more and Chan made a noise of protest before he cupped her cheek, gently wiping them away as they fell, “I know that everything sucks right now. I--I can’t even imagine how impossible everything must be for you, and I can’t tell you that things will sort themselves out because we never know what might happen.”

“But,” he continued with a gentle squeeze to her hip then and she tensed slightly at the intimacy of his gesture, “I swear it gets better. I swear it on my heart. And if you want to cry then cry, I’ll be here. If you need to shout, to scream, to punch someone, I’ll be there Micha,” tilting her chin up so that she had no choice but to gaze at him, he cracked the softest of smiles that left her all giddy inside, “I’m not going to let you go through this alone, that I can promise you.”

Swallowing thickly, it was hard not to squirm underneath the soft glimmer of his soft maroon-eyed stare. So she dropped her eyes while mumbling out a soft, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he whispered back.

“You don’t deserve to be here, you-- you’ve done so much for me and I don’t even know how I’m supposed to repay that--”

“There is nothing,” he cut her off firmly while his hold tightened unconsciously, “to be sorry for.” 

Still, Micha’s eyes suddenly found interest in the patterns of her best friend’s shirt, knowing that there was no possibility of eye-contact now, not if she wanted to keep her self-control in check. Maybe it meant nothing for Chan to hold her so casually in his arms, but there was no denying the fact that anyone looking through their restaurant window could mistake them for a couple, and the thought caused Micha to reel back in self-disgust. 

As if sensing her inner turmoil, her best friend’s hand went up against the back of her head before he nudged her to his shoulder. And while Micha’s brain was shaking in disapproval, she couldn’t find the strength to fight against what her own body yearned for, returning back into his arms and telling herself that it was just for tonight. Tonight, she would push everything at the back of her mind and just for now, would enjoy the mere warmth and comfort that came with Chan’s arms.

Burrowing her face into the crook of his neck and taking in his scent, Micha allowed her eyes to slip closed for a moment, trying her best to engrave this into memory. 

Just for tonight, she promised herself inwardly. Just for tonight, she would be selfish. 

Just for tonight, she would imagine that Chan was hers. And no one else’s. 

. ° ☆ ° .

"Do I have to be there?"

Micha caught Minho's eye as he helped her hand through her coat sleeve. The said young man's eyebrow rose at her question as if she'd never asked a thing so dumb, "yes you do."

"But why?" She stomped her feet while whining, "I don't even like to drink. Or dance."

"It's my birthday. I call the shots."

"I hate you."

"Aw, me too," he pinched her cheek with aggressive fondness and Micha batted him away with her hands, scowling and muttering a string of curses under her breath as she trailed after him towards his car.

Minho's birthday was to be special as he was turning twenty-two, the perfect excuse to go out and drown themselves in alcohol. Felix, Changbin and Jisung had even rode all the way from their campus to stay over for the long weekend, taking advantage of the public holiday to party the night away.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Minho asked as he slowed to a stop at a red light.

Micha turned to him, "yeah?"

He hesitated for a few seconds. Then, "do you like Chan?"

It was so sudden, like ice running down her back and making her go tense, fingers curling onto the material of her dark pants. Micha gazed out at the stop light until it went blurry, not knowing what to say to make it sound truthful.

"No--"

"I know he doesn't see you," Minho spoke up hurriedly, "but I see the way you look at him. I couldn't help but ask."

It wasn't like she had planned to let her secret out so soon. But he'd caught her red-handed. Her shoulders slumped, followed by the softest of sighs escaping her lips.

"You caught me," was the only thing she said.

Another pause that allowed the words to settle between them, before the light turned green and the car moved forward. A good distraction against the awkwardness sticking to Micha's heart like sweat.

"Do you..." Minho paused, "do you think you should tell him?"

"No."

"Don't you think he needs to know?" Minho turned his car down a street lined with pubs. They were slowly approaching their destination, “It’s not fair to him.” 

She kept her gaze out of the window, partly too embarrassed to face him and partly to keep herself from crying, "what good would it do?"

She was glad that they had reached the parking lot of the restaurant bar at that point, for she had no intentions of continuing a conversation that led to nowhere and, ignoring Minho’s call for her name, quickly jumped out of the vehicle and strode right up to the doors of Seniora’s. 

The restaurant was already full and she was glad that they had at least booked a private VIP spot in advance, thanks to Seungmin’s amazing organization skills. Micha weaved her way through in the dim spotlights shining atop dark mahogany tables that blended in with the darkness, trying to find their respective table among the throng of pretty, made-up girls in too-short dresses and guys who had no problem puffing out their cigarettes right into her face. 

“Guys!” Felix’s voice boomed through the jazz notes floating through the air, and Micha turned towards his voice to see him waving frantically, a huge grin on his childish face, ‘over here!”

His excitement was contagious as it caused her own lips to stretch into a mirroring grin. She bounded into his arms without hesitation, “Felix! You made it! You said you had an assignment to finish.”

“You know how convincing Minho hyung gets once he sets his mind to it,” the freckled man gave her a once over before he whistled, “don’t you look--”

“--Fucking gorgeous, Micha,” the pair turned towards the voice, seeing Changbin with open arms while she squirmed at his compliment. He was being too kind, though her sleek black jumpsuit that clung to her curves was definitely a contrast to her usual sweater and jeans. Behind him stood Jisung and Seungmin, as well as a few other of their classmates, girls and boys included.

Her eyes suddenly locked onto a familiar pair of dark orbs. Chan. 

“Hello! Hug, please?!” Changbin’s hand brought her attention back as he waved before her, scowling in mock annoyance. Micha grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck, “come here you big baby.” 

“Careful Mi, he might have wandering hands now that he sees you’re more than just a replacement for Chan,” Seungmin commented while giving her shoulder a squeeze. 

That earned the latter a glare from the said muscled man, “what? I’m just stating how beautiful she looks.” 

Micha made her rounds of greeting -- did Minho’s friend group triple by tenfold since she was gone?-- and was exhausted by the time she finally stumbled before Chan.

“Hey, look at you,” Chan offered her a dimpled grin and she swore she wanted to coo at how cute he was. Stop that, Micha gave herself a mental slap as he continued, “all I’m gonna say is, stay away from Changbin tonight.”

“He’s not going to do anything,” she rolled her eyes, “I’ve known him long enough. I’m basically his brother.” 

Her best friend said nothing, only gazed at her in that undecipherable way of his, like he was trying to solve a puzzle that couldn’t be solved.

“What?” she asked. 

“Uh--nothing,” he dropped his gaze, looked away just in time for their attention to be diverted by Minho calling for a round of shots, “alright alright everyone! I’ll open up the party, shall we?”

Before she knew it, Micha had been tugged along by none other than Felix only to be dragged to the counter where a row of shots were being filled to the brim. She didn’t have to ask, knew instantly by smell that this was definitely not water. Her nose burned at the sting of vodka permeating her nostrils and she cursed under her breath as Minho handed her one with a teasing, yet sympathetic grin.

“I think you’ll need it tonight,” Micha couldn’t stop herself from scowling at the underlying meaning in his words. She swore at him, “dick.” 

Micha hadn’t realized how monotonous, how boringly routine, her life had become ever since she flew back to her motherland. What with her mother’s situation in hospital and her running around trying to cover up all of her father’s blind spots, Micha had forgotten how it actually felt to be young, to be as carefree as she usually would be during university in-between her constant flow of assignments, how she used to get into this ‘fuck-it’ mood and hit up the arcade with the rest of the boys before winding up at one of the local bars, beers in their hands as they competed on who could chug down their drinks faster. 

So she took advantage of Minho’s birthday to let herself relax and actually pay attention to what was happening to her, around her. Just in this moment. Nowhere else. And it felt good. It felt...alive. Free.

She danced along to the music, chatted with the other girls who she now realized were quite cool and sassy in their own flirtatious ways, drank shot after shot every time another one of her friends dragged her back to the bar without realizing that maybe she should’ve kept count.

Until it was all too late. The alcohol didn’t have any effect. Until it hit her like a tow truck.

And maybe this sudden rebellious streak had manifested itself the moment her eyes lingered over the familiar pair of figures on the dance floor, chest clenching and heart crumbling at the sweetest brush of Chan’s fingers against Ayeong’s forehead. Micha turned away just in time to halt the tears burning through the corners of her eyes and she impulsively made a grab for Changbin’s arm before pulling him along with her, “let’s get another drink.” 

“Are you sure Mi? You kinda look tipsy already--”

“It’s on me. Now stop being a wuss and come on.”

Seniora’s was filled to the brim now that it was almost past midnight and the sea of bodies aided to calm the storm threatening to split her heart into. It made it easier to breathe, easier to push back the thought at the back of her mind as the alcohol paved its way through her blood and thrummed against her veins. 

It felt good. Too good. And Micha wanted this numbness to last forever.

. ° ☆ ° .

Unfortunately, it didn't.

"It's alright, you're alright," Changbin's soothing alto comforted her as she kept on throwing up the contents of her dinner, continuously dragging her hair back to hold it up and out of the way.

"Oh god--" Micha's stomach lurched "I'm sorry--" she couldn't stop herself from vomiting once more and boy, was she glad that Changbin had dragged her out of Seniora's just in time.

"So?" Felix called from the corner of the small street in which they were hiding from curious eyes. No point in giving people something to talk about, "how is she?"

"Holding up," Micha called back despite the sour taste in her mouth. When it felt like she wasn't going to pass out anymore, she slowly dragged herself upwards, throwing Changbin's concerned expression a weak smile.

To which he replied, "you look like shit."

"Thanks Changbin. That's exactly what I need to hear," Micha rolled her eyes, feeling his strong arm wrap itself around her waist. She allowed herself to lean into him just this once, fearing that she might trip over her feet and fall flat on her face if she wasn't careful.

They stumbled over to Felix who, upon giving Micha a once-over, stated that she was to be sent home at once.

"I'm fineeee guyssss," Micha whined through slurred words, "pluss, I really wanna...dance y'know?"

She swayed a little for good measure, only to stumble and she would've landed flat on the sidewalk if not for Changbin's arm holding her upright.

"I'm bringing you home," Changbin's tone was firm.

"Nooo, I don't want to go home yet!"

"Micha, you and I both know that you're too drunk to make those decisions right now."

"But Changbinnieeee I just--I really want to--" and as soon as the picture of Chan's face flashed before her eyes, she felt her resolve crumbling into the form of tears, "I want to...forget about him--"

It hurt too much. She couldn't keep it together. It was like she was forcing herself to hold in the pain burning through her loins and no sooner had had she tilted up to meet Changbin’s eyes that she burst into wretched sobs.

She felt him still for a moment, arm hesitantly tugging her closer, hand wrapping around her head in comfort, “h-hey,” he peered into her face, slightly panicked at her outburst, “what--what’s the matter?” 

“Mi?” Felix’s voice joined in. Warmth swept over her side, “Mi, what’s wrong? Do you not feel good? Do you want to go home?” 

Micha nodded, and felt herself getting tugged to Changbin’s chest. That made her cry even harder, for while his scent was nothing short of comforting, it wasn’t the warmth she was looking for.

All she wanted was for Chan.

But he wasn’t hers. And he never will be.

“I got her,” she heard Changbin’s words over the raging storm tossing her heart aside. Warmth circled her shoulders -- his leather jacket, no doubt -- and she allowed his hands to steer her away from the loud bass beats of the restaurant bar and she had to give that to him. No matter how much of a bad boy he was, no one could possibly deny him of his heart of gold. That Micha was pretty sure of.

They were halfway up the street with Changbin flailing for a cab when a familiar car pulled up their street. Its window rolled down, causing Micha’s breath to halt in her throat.

“Need a ride?” Chan’s eyebrow was raised in amusement, only to drop in concern upon noticing her pale composure, “what the--Micha?!” 

“No,” Micha quickly stuffed her face into Changbin’s shoulder, “Changbin, please...” 

The latter, as confused as ever, nudged her towards the car, “come on Mi. Chan’ll take you home.” 

“Nooooo.” 

"Not the time, Micha. Seriously, get in the car.” 

“I said noooo--”

Too late, for Changbin simply whipped her up in his hold, walked right around to the passenger door while ignoring her trying to sock him one, before plopping her into the seat. He slammed the door in her face and waved goodbye, “see you tomorrow, loser!”

Great. That was exactly what she needed. To be alone with Chan.

“Well someone drank a little too much tonight,” was the first thing he said the moment he pulled onto the street, a little smirk sent in her direction. Micha only sighed heavily, before leaning away to look out of the window pane. 

This was painful, sitting here with Chan with all those unresolved feelings burning her loins while he sat, totally oblivious and charming and just so breathtaking that it physically hurt her fingers from stopping any attempts to hold his hand, just touch his skin, just-- feel him. 

“Where’s...Ayeong?” she mumbled against the glass.

Just the name caused her chest to tighten. 

“I dropped her off with the other girls. They’re having a sleepover or something.” 

“She’s not spending the night with you?” 

“No.” 

“Ohh how dumb of her,” the words rolled off her tongue so easily now that there was alcohol swimming through her veins. It actually felt good to know that Ayeong was not to be with Chan that night, “it’s her-- it’s her lossss.” 

“Oh you are so drunk.” 

“I am...” she hiccuped and threw him a scowl, “not drunk!” 

Chan chuckled, reaching over to ruffle her hair playfully and that simple act merely got her heart racing, “I’ll see if I have some extra aspirin to give you for your headache tomorrow--” 

"Chan, can I--can I tell you something?” 

He stopped at the red light and as his head turned, eyes finding hers in the darkness of the morning hours, a surge of courage suddenly overtook her.

She wanted to blame it on the alcohol even though deep down Micha was certain a small part of her had always wanted to let her best friend in on the most deepest, darkest secret she wished she could carry to her grave.

But this secret that had been eating her from the inside out, was something that was making her heart to burst at the seams. And while she never even imagined of hurting Chan that way, she knew that this was inevitable. It had to be done, for her to move on from it. Because she’d realized then and there, that it would be impossible for her to just bury those feelings away, no matter how hard she tried.

So that left her with no other choice.

“I think that,” her hand rose up as if on instinct to poke his cheek then, eyes drooping with sleep, “I think I....might be in love with you.” 

-----

Tagging: @allyg-onz​ @elysianxshepherd​ @rindomo​ @freckledquokka​ @maedesculpaeusoubi​ @missskzbiased​ @seungoclock​

[asset35-maya]

HEAT WAVES

Short series written as part of the DBH LATE SUMMER PROMPT CHALLENGE

@connor-sent-by-cyberlife

[Part 5/7: 4TH OF JULY]

(Read Parts 1 , 2 , 3 and 4 first!)

//

“What the…”

“Good grief! When did this happen?”

“You owe me fifty bucks, Captain! Told you this was coming!”

“And you owe me that hamburger, Nines. Hurry up and flip that patty!”

“So that’s the hottest patrol chick officially off the market, huh?”

“Gavin, did you know? No? Wow…”

Murmurs and exclamations of surprise filled the air in Hank’s backyard. Most of it was coming from the group that was supposedly manning the barbecue… but actually ogling the couple sitting intertwined on the porch.

“That’s disgusting. Is he analyzing the inside of her mouth or what?”

Sixty’s eyes were fixed distastefully on Connor and Tina’s embrace. He slapped a hotdog into a bun and squirted mustard onto it with uncalibrated force. Some of it ended up on Nines’ shirt and a small argument broke out. Gavin casually inserted himself in between the bickering brothers.

“What’s got you so salty?”

“Why the hell would I be salty, Reed?”

“You’re jealous. Cause no one wants your damaged ass.”

“For fuck’s sake, the crack on my forehead is only superficial!”

“That’s the part of the statement you take objection to?”

“I take objection to you even talking to me.” 

“Don’t deflect, jelly bean.”

Sixty slammed his metal tongs on the grill and turned away fuming. Nines tsked at the outburst and retreated inside the house, presumably to go change his mustard-stained shirt. The rest of the little crowd also hastily dispersed from the cooking station with their food and drinks in hand. 

Hank and Fowler glanced over with concern from where they stood chatting with Captain Allen. Gavin waved a dismissive hand and their superior officers returned to their conversation. Hank’s eyes lingered cautiously on his most volatile and unpredictable son... as well as his formerly volatile and equally unpredictable son-in-law.

“Seriously, Six. What is going on with you?”

“What???”

“You always look like someone pissed in your cereal… er thirium… but you’ve been angsty as hell recently.”

“Work’s been a bitch.”

“That excuse doesn’t fly in this backyard. We all have the same job. Spill, Six. Tell me what’s wrong.”

In the absence of others, Sixty looked for a moment like he was considering saying something. Then his LED ran through a series of yellow flashes, and he shook his head moodily, eyes fixed somewhere in the distance. Gavin sighed. 

“Look man... I’m the last person who’s gonna judge you for whatever-” 

“Reed, I’m going to tell you only once. Drop it if you know what’s good for you.”

“You don’t scare me, idiot. I’ve been through the same shitty angst spiral a hundred times before your plastic ass was even assembled. And let me tell you literally none of it was worth it. You’re not intimidating anyone. All you’re doing is shouting your insecurities from the rooftops... and being a pain in the ass. Your friends and family don’t deserve that shit. Grow the phck up.” 

“Are you done? Pass me the oil spray. All that chatter and the meat’s started sticking to the fucking grill.” 

“Here. And no, I’m not done, Six. Seriously. I think you should go do something about... whatever’s bothering you... before you implode like a nuclear reactor and ruin our Fourth of July barbecue.” 

Sixty snatched the can of oil spray and pressed hard on the nozzle in anger. The liberal amount of liquid ignited and created a fireball. Gasps of shock sounded through the backyard and Gavin slammed the lid of the grill down to stifle it. He gestured at it with mock wonder. 

“See what I mean.”

Sixty dropped the tongs and shook his head, looking skyward.

“I do... but there’s nothing I can do.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I ran twelve hundred preconstructions with a ninety-eight percent failure rate.”

“Ah-hah! So there is something you want!”

“That doesn’t mean anything. Everyone has desires. Even the most godforsaken creatures.” 

“Uh-huh... and here I thought I married the most dramatic brother... Look Sixty, I don’t mean to give free advice, but desires will remain only as they are until you act upon them. And if they’re not meant to be, you’ll move onto the next... desire... and the chance for it to materialize. Please don’t get stuck in your own head. You should just... try.” 

The dark brown eyes had softened. Barring the gashes on his forehead, Sixty suddenly bore a strong resemblance to his fellow RK800. Against his will, shreds of optimism had crept into the android’s expression. 

“Try what?”

“Telling him how you feel.” 

Sixty’s eyes widened in shock. Gavin clasped his forearm.

“It’s okay to be scared. I nearly passed out trying to ask your brother to dance at that Christmas party. Stuttered and spilled my drink and embarrassed myself beyond all hope, but he thought it was cute.” 

“He’s my boss...” 

“And Nines is my boss’s son! Come on, Six. Don’t make excuses. Life’s too short for that shit. Just tell him.” 

“Tell who what?” 

Allen was standing in front of them. A slight smile played on his simple features.

"The fireworks are about to start. You guys should turn down the grill for a bit and come watch.” 

“Yeah, I’ll go get Nines. He’s probably still stressing over which shirt to put on.”

Gavin lowered the flame and flipped open the machine. He flung the charred meat onto a plate and clapped Sixty firmly on the shoulder before leaving. Allen nodded genially at him before turning back to face his SWAT teammate. 

“Shall we?” 

“What?” 

“Grab a spot? I think all the good ones are taken though. The young guns are on the street and the vets have all cornered the porch.” 

“Where does that leave us?” 

Allen smiled wider, his cheeks creasing in well-formed lines. He glanced upwards.

“Where are we usually?” 

Sixty followed his line of sight to the roof.

“Lead the way, Cap.”

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Nine

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: reading canon eris discourse literally makes me dizzy but in this fic he's pretty chill

***

“Any plans for Thanksgiving?” Emerie asks as they stroll between the shelves of the library.

Nesta runs her finger down the spine of a textbook on corporate law. “Not really,” she murmurs distantly.

She’s been doing her best not to think of the upcoming holidays, in fact. Cassian is going to Velaris for Thanksgiving, and of course Feyre invited Nesta as well, but…

She’s always ignored her sister’s holiday invites, but this year is different. Cassian, a recent constant in her life, will be gone, enjoying himself for the first time in months without her presence. And Nesta will be at the cabin alone, because of course she can’t celebrate Thanksgiving with Feyre’s found family. Being friends with Cassian hasn’t changed that.

“Well,” Emerie is saying, “a bunch of us can’t go home for the holidays for one reason or another, so we’re hosting a small Friendsgiving at my apartment. You’re invited.”

Nesta glances at her, surprised. “Who’s going to be there?”

“The same guys from drinks night: Eris, Justinian, Isaac. Maybe a plus one or two if we’re lucky.” She elbows Nesta. “Maybe a girl for me to take home.”

“I thought the party was at your home already?”

“You know what I mean. Anyway, are you coming?”

Nesta purses her lips. “But you said it was a Friendsgiving. Those guys aren’t my friends.”

Emerie looks at her like she's insane. “Uh, why not?”

“Because,” Nesta states, “we’ve only had one real interaction all semester.”

Emerie scoffs. “You talk to them all the time in class, Nesta.”

“Yes. Out of necessity.”

Emerie raises a high brow. “That’s how you view spending time with us? A ‘necessity’?”

She’s upset, and Nesta doesn’t know what she said wrong. “That’s not what I meant,” she tries to say.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I just…” Nesta shrugs. “I thought it took more to make friends than a single night out.” Those are the rules, right?

Emerie narrows her dark eyes at her. “I’m sorry we’re not up to standard, then. But for your information, those guys liked you. I’m sure they considered you a friend.” She turns to leave, but Nesta is so stunned she can’t even try to stop her. The click of Emerie’s heels resonate long after she’s gone.

“Hey,” Cassian comes up to her later that day. “About Thanksgiving—”

Nesta drops her dinner plate onto the island with a clatter. “What is it with everybody and Thanksgiving?” Her voice is unnecessarily loud.

Cassian blinks. “Well, it’s only a few days away—”

“I know,” she says. “I’m fine staying home alone. We never celebrated Thanksgiving growing up, you know? It’s really not a big deal.”

“Will you let me finish, Nesta?”

Nesta presses her lips together.

Cassian takes a breath. “I think you should— I would really love it if you came to Velaris with me this weekend.”

There’s a silence as he waits for her to answer.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she says after a moment.

Before he can press the subject, she blurts, “I already have plans.”

“You do?” Nesta can’t tell if he sounds disappointed or surprised.

She straightens her back, lying through her teeth, “Yes. Some friends from school are getting together for a Friendsgiving, and I’m going.” She almost bites her tongue on the word friends. She doesn’t even know what that means anymore.

“That’s amazing,” Cassian says, though he still looks a little taken aback. “I’m glad.” He looks down at the marble counter then, trying to smile. “Sucks for me, though.”

Nesta huffs a laugh. “Please, like you won’t be having fun with your friends whether I’m there or not.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but why go for half the fun when I could go for double?”

“That’s not how math works,” she snipes.

Cassian grabs a fork so he can sit down across from Nesta. “Don’t you ever bring up correct math in this house again.” He points his silverware at her threateningly.

From there, they can devolve into their usual dinner habit of bantering that leads to more serious conversation. Cassian has recently been on a French movie binge, Nesta learns, and even though she despises the French, she listens closely to his analysis of each film and offers her own thoughts back. She even promises to rewatch one or two of his favorites at a later time. The giddiness he gives in return makes her almost wish she had accepted his invitation earlier, if only so she could keep making him happy.

God. What is he doing to her?

Later that night, Nesta pulls out her phone and opens up her messages with Emerie. She doesn’t want to have rejected Cassian just to end up staying home alone all weekend. She types out five different messages and erases them before settling on an apathetic, Is the invite for Thursday still on?

Emerie takes her time to reply, likely to punish Nesta. After some minutes, she finally texts, Yes.

It’s all she can expect from Emerie, and it’s all she needs to see.

Nesta: I’ll be there.

***

“Cassian!” Feyre swings open the door with an overjoyed smile, ready to greet him.

He laughs and steps in for a hug, going so far as to lift her feet off the floor. Because damn him, even with his conflicted feelings towards Feyre lately, he’s missed her. He’s missed all of his friends, even though he’s found something precious while he was away from them.

He’s ushered into the penthouse, which Feyre and Rhys insist on calling an “apartment”, as if that softens the blow of their extravagant wealth. Cassian and everybody else goes along with it, however, because the rich have committed worse crimes. At least that’s what Nesta says.

“Rhys is out getting last minute beer from the gas station,” Feyre says as she takes his overnight bag. “And you’re the first to arrive, which means I have you all to myself.” She whirls on him with a predatory gleam in her eye. “Tell me everything about the last two months with you and Nesta, ASAP.”

Cassian’s heart starts racing at the unexpected interrogation, but he laughs it off and shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just roommates.”

“Well, I know that.” Feyre rolls her eyes. “But what is it like? How is it going? Is she okay? Are you okay?”

Before he can answer a single question, Feyre goes on. “I haven’t heard from either of you in eons, it feels like. Is Nesta still picky about her foods touching? Does she get upset when you play music too loud? Does she—”

“Jesus, Feyre,” Cassian interrupts loudly. “Not everything in my life is about your sister. Give it a rest.” He takes his duffel bag back from her.

“I’m just curious!” she says indignantly, but Cassian is already heading up the winding stairs to his guest room, going as fast as he can without outright running.

“I need to get washed up!” he announces before Feyre can make him stop and come back for more questioning.

In the safety of his bedroom, he releases a breath.

If Cassian thought keeping Nesta’s health issues from Feyre was difficult, he couldn’t have predicted how painful it would be to hide his feelings for Nesta. Still, he doesn’t dare expose what he can’t yet define, especially not to his nosy-ass friends. Some things just aren’t matters for gossip.

***

Nesta hesitantly enters Emerie’s small studio apartment to a party in full swing; “full swing” being Justinian and Isaac playing video games on the couch while Emerie is in the kitchen area attempting to make drinks. Nesta stops near the kitchenette and crosses her arms, surveying the scene. “Something about this doesn’t look right,” she says aloud. Emerie doing the hard work while the men play? Antithetical to her very nature.

“I know,” is all Emerie says without looking up from whatever hellish concoction she’s whipping up. “But I’m the host, so this is my role.”

“Hey, Nesta,” the guys speak up together, not taking their eyes off the TV. Isaac is the first to break his concentration from the game, glancing at Nesta and doing a double take. “Woah, you look good today.” Is he blushing?

Emerie finally looks up at that, eyeing Nesta’s modest black dress. “A little funeral-chic, but still hot as ever, babe.” Right after, she makes a face at the term babe. “Nope, I tried it and I hate it.”

Nesta hates it just as much, but goes over to help Emerie with what she now realizes are oddly colored Jello shots. She picks up a little plastic cup with dark jelly in it and wiggles it around. “What color is this supposed to be?”

“Brown.” Emerie blows a piece of escaped hair out of her face. “They were supposed to be Thanksgiving themed.”

Nesta surveys the shots arranged in various fall colors. Definitely an interesting choice for a twenty-four year old law student, but what did Nesta know about parties?

“Where’s Eris?” she asks casually as she helps arrange more cups. Her argument with Emerie is far from forgotten, but the two women are too alike for their own good. They’ll ignore the lingering tension until it dissipates, and that will be the end of that.

Before Emerie can answer Nesta’s question, a loud bang comes from the entryway as the already open door hits the wall. Eris Vanserra sweeps inside in his designer coat and sophisticated boots, followed by a new, striking face. “It’s fucking freezing,” he announces, just as the new guy quietly shuts the door behind them.

“You’re late,” Emerie says in her usual flat tone.

“I had to pick up my twerp brother.” Eris tilts his head toward the redhead behind him.

“I didn’t ask to come,” the new guy, Eris’s brother, chimes in.

Nesta is perked up now, angling to get a better look at him. Same hair color, same eyes, different skin tone from Eris. He looks like the relaxed, unpretentious version of his brother. Someone pauses the video game.

“I’m Lucien,” he awkwardly raises a hand.

Justinian looks at everybody else. “I’m confused— does this mean we can finally replace Eris’s punk ass?”

The thought of an unexpected guest first makes Nesta clench up, especially when she’s seated right next to the damn guy at the dining table. New people means everything about the regular social routine will be changed up, and she isn’t at all prepared for it.

It takes maybe fifteen minutes for her to realize that Lucien is nothing to worry about— much quicker than she’s ever warmed up to a stranger before.

He has the affected quiet confidence of someone who would rather be anywhere else but here. No one knows that mask better than Nesta.

Against all odds, she’s the first to initiate a conversation.

“Why are you here?” she says bluntly.

No hello, no how are you. Fuck, this is why she doesn’t talk to people.

Lucien looks surprised at the sudden acknowledgment, but answers, “My plans got cancelled at the last minute.” His mouth tightens as he looks toward his brother. “So Eris dragged me here instead.”

“You don’t like your brother?”

Lucien narrows his eyes at her, defensive. “Is this an interrogation or something?”

Embarrassment heats Nesta’s face, but she hides it under her usual cold stare. “Never mind.”

She turns back to her food, refocusing on an anecdote Isaac is giving about a girl he met the other week. A moment later, Lucien says lowly, “I can’t stand my brother.”

She laughs a little too loudly at that, and everyone looks at her.

Isaac grins. “See, Nesta thinks it’s a funny story.”

Nesta frowns. “No, I don’t. You told it last week and no one laughed.”

His face falls. Eris laughs out loud at him, and Emerie tosses wadded up napkins at both men. “You’re both deeply uninteresting. Let’s talk about me.”

She launches into a heated discussion about how she plans to defeat “that bitch Brian” for the internship at Velaris’s biggest law firm next summer, with Eris interjecting that she wouldn’t survive a day in the big city. Nesta turns back to Lucien. “I understand how you feel.”

“You hate Eris too?”

“No, but I have sisters.” Eris is nice, if a pretentious asshole at times, but she empathizes with Lucien either way.

He raises a brow. “And you’re here for Thanksgiving instead of with them?”

For the first time all night, Nesta remembers that Cassian is having fun in a spacious penthouse with Feyre and Elain and the others, likely eating much nicer food than store-bought turkey and Jello shots, and she almost deflates. Almost. Because as much as she enjoys this— spending time with people that belong to her, not Feyre or anybody else— there’s a hollow space in the room that Cassian usually fills. She doesn’t know how she can miss someone and be this thoroughly content at the same time, but she tries not to ponder on her feelings.

She shrugs at Lucien’s question. “We’re all here instead of with our families.”

What would have been a thirty-minute meal on Nesta’s own stretches into a long night of full bellies and fuller conversation. Justinian demands a toast in honor of Friendsgiving, and Emerie tells him not to pull that cringy shit, but everyone ends up raising their small Jello shots to clink against each other.

Thanksgiving might be Nesta’s favorite holiday.

***

Cassian doesn’t know what this feeling is: the itching, nervy sense of impatience that plagues him the longer dinner drags on. All he knows is that tonight Mor’s laughter is just a little too loud, and Amren’s quips are just a little too sharp, and Rhys’s stories aren’t very interesting for once.

Nothing about his friends have changed, but somehow, Cassian feels different. Empty. He can’t stop thinking about what Nesta is doing right now.

He checks his phone under the table for the sixth time in three minutes, for what, he doesn’t know. Maybe she’s in trouble and needs his help. Maybe she’s having a bad night and wants to talk to him. Maybe she’s just bored and thinking about him.

None of this is true, evidently, because his phone remains dead silent.

“Cassian.” It’s Elain’s gentle voice that draws him out of his head. “What’s it like having a roommate for once? I know you and Nesta love being alone.”

He nearly jumps out of his skin. “Alone? No we don’t. Why would we love being alone together?”

Elain looks at him like he’s grown a new head. “I didn’t mean alone together. It’s just that you’ve always spent your time boarded up in that mountain cabin on your own, and before Nesta moved in, she wouldn’t leave her apartment even to see me.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Feyre butts in. She whirls to Cassian with her hands under her chin. “All this time I was wondering what you and Nesta living together would be like, and I didn’t even consider you guys avoiding each other.”

Cassian scoffs a laugh but doesn’t know how to respond. He just wants Feyre and Elain to stop poking at this raw, fresh thing in his life before his nerves get worse, so he turns to Amren and brings up the thing he knows will shut everyone down: work. “How much longer is Rhys gonna have you playing double agent at Adriatic?” She’s been acting as brand ambassador to the West Coast-based conglomerate for the past five months, playing nice while gathering information on Night Court Inc.’s biggest competitor.

Groans resound around the table, but Amren’s eyes brighten frightfully. “If he keeps me there any longer, I might end up staying for good.”

Rhysand smiles thinly. “Amren has a crush on their new CFO. If she keeps going on about Varian’s pretty face I might pull her out of Adriatic by the end of the year.”

Just as Cassian is about to convince himself to care, his phone vibrates in his hand. Everything tunes out as he sees Nesta’s name on the screen, attached to a new text. He clicks into it.

A picture of Nesta and her friends around a dinner table pops up, smiling and laughing. His heart catches in his throat at the image.

“What did we say about phones during dinner, Cassian?” Rhysand interrupts just then.

Cassian stands up quickly, stammering, “Uh, I just need to answer this call— it’s important.” Azriel is staring up at him like he’s lost his mind, but Cassian doesn’t notice or care as he rushes out of the room with his phone in a death grip, overcome.

Alone in a hallway bathroom, he lets himself look at the picture again, hungrily absorbing every detail he couldn’t catch the first time around: her face is flushed and her hair is down, wilder than usual. Her smile is so rarely genuine that it kills him a little just to see it; he doesn’t know whether to be relieved or pained that she’s having such a good time, that she isn’t missing him like he’s missing her. A sharp-faced girl that Cassian assumes is Emerie is holding the camera, likely having stolen Nesta’s phone to demand a picture, and the two women are surrounded by guys he doesn’t recognize. Except—

The face beside Nesta’s catches Cassian’s attention, and he clicks to zoom in. “Is that Lucien Vanserra?” he mutters.

Elain’s ex gets to hang out with Nesta while he doesn’t? This is fucked.

He doesn’t have a reason for his actions as he shoves his phone into his pocket and exits the bathroom. He just knows he needs to get out of here, away from this place that’s so far from Nesta’s heart.

His keys and coat hang near the front door, and he can hear Feyre’s voice from the dining room. “Cassian? Where are you—”

The door slams behind him before she can finish.

***

Being the only one who refused to get drunk off Jello shots, Eris offers to drive Nesta home for the night.

While Lucien is passed out in the backseat without a care in the world, Nesta is so awake she can feel her nerves buzzing. She knows as soon as she leaves this car, the bittersweet loneliness that comes after a party will set in, but for now…

What a night. She sighs and lets her head fall back against the seat, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Damn,” Eris lets out a low whistle as he pulls up to the mountain cabin. “This is your place?”

She lifts her head, realizing she’s home. “Ah. It’s only a temporary living situation,” she explains. “It’s my— friend’s place.”

“Friend or sugar daddy?” Eris smirks.

Nesta scowls, grabbing her stuff and pushing open the door to leave. It’s not Eris’s fault she’s unable to take a joke about Cassian, but that doesn’t change the sensitivity of the topic.

“Hey, wait—” he calls after her.

She pauses to look back at him. He hesitates, then says, “Good night.”

“Take care of your brother,” she directs. Stepping out of his fancy car, she shuts the door and raises a hand in goodbye, watching him pull away from the cabin.

Alone in the driveway, Nesta stands under the moonlight for a long moment, letting the chill seep into her bones. She’s dawdling.

She pauses again at the front door, her hand on the doorknob. The dreaded loneliness is already coming over her, crawling over her skin and making a home in the cage of her ribs.

A whole weekend without Cassian.

Maybe she should have asked Emerie if she could stay over for the night, but a part of her knows it would have been futile. Emerie can’t replace Cassian’s constant presence, no matter how much Nesta likes her.

It’s only three days. She steels herself and unlocks the door, prepared to be greeted by darkness and hollow silence.

The first thing she notices when she steps inside is the sound of crackling, followed by a warm glow from the living area. The lights are all off, but the fireplace is ablaze.

Nesta’s brows furrow, confused, but then she sees on the couch— “Cassian?”

***

a/n: i know justinian and isaac are names for side characters that sjm has used before but in this case they're completely different ocs.

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

1D Monthly Fic Roundup

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for May 2021! Below the cut you’ll find 17 One Direction fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup.

New York Kiss by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

[Louis/Zayn, Mature, 47k, tumblr post]

“Also, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m quite the narcissistic type, and I didn’t want that cute guy to have a bad opinion of me for the rest of his life.” “Who, me?” Zayn bats his lashes jokingly, ignoring the fact that his heart skipped a beat at Louis’ words. “Yeah, you. So, shall we go?” Louis drops what remains of his cigarette on the floor and steps on it to light it off. Meanwhile, Zayn makes a reckless decision. “Alright. Lead the way, De Niro.”

Or: A strangers to lovers AU where Louis is an actor, Zayn is a writer (among other things), and they meet each other literally by accident in NYC, just as the world is about to turn upside down.

I Love The Very Blood Of You by lovelarry10 / @chloehl10 

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 129k, tumblr post]

“I don’t just like him …” Harry muttered, fiddling with the string at the waistband of his jogging bottoms that had definitely seen better days. “I love him, Zayn. I’m in love with Louis. With a vampire.”

He looked up just in time to see a small smile on Anne’s face, and she reached out with a hopeful look. Harry couldn’t resist, and put his large hand in hers, letting her comfort him for a moment.

“I could tell there was love between you,” she confessed softly, a light blush on her cheeks. “When I met you, I knew you were smitten with each other. I won’t pretend it doesn’t make me nervous, but … I can’t tell you who you can and can’t love, sweetheart.”

A vampire. A human. A broken arrangement. A love long since forbidden. Hunted by hate. Destined.

One More Taste of Your Lips by MsHydeStylinson @mizzhydes and @canadianlarrie

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 80k, tumblr post]

It had been eight years since the hiatus began, and Louis had spent that time writing and recording music, touring and making it safely through the pandemic. When the opportunity arose to go back on tour with One Direction, Louis knew he'd be a fool not to take it. Sure, life on the road would be different after all this time apart, but he was looking forward to experiencing that comradery again.

What he hadn't realised was that living the better part of nine months in each other's pockets was bound to dredge up issues from his past. And when one of the pockets belonged to Harry, who he'd had a rather unconventional friendship with that drifted apart during their last tour, life on the road again would upend both their lives in irrevocable ways.

***

Harry wasn’t that sixteen year old boy anymore. Nor was he the young man in his late teens who was on the cusp of conquering the entire world.

But some traits seemed to remain the same; his vibrant green eyes, the dimples set deeply in his cheeks whenever he laughed earnestly, or his curls that were the same shade of cocoa that Louis remembered fondly.

And yet, Louis had absolutely no idea who this man that stood a mere twenty paces away was today.

take my hand, wreck my plans by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose

[Harry/Louis, Teen & Up, 38k, tumblr post]

Louis meets the man in the center of the room, feeling every eye on him.

“Mr. H,” he whispers.

The man smiles brightly and laughs as if he can’t believe his eyes. “It’s you,” he says breathlessly. “I didn’t think I would see you again.”

“Nor I you, especially under these circumstances.”

“Even so,” Mr H says, his eyes bouncing from Louis’ eyes to his lips. “Will you do me a great honor and join me in leading the first … um…”

“Dance?”

Mr. H laughs and nods. “Yes, that’s the one.”

Louis bites his lips and doesn’t hesitate before whispering, “Yes.”

Mr. H beams and reaches for Louis’ hand. Sparks fly at the touch and a zing of excitement shoots through Louis’ body. His face heats up as he’s afraid his scent would give away his feelings towards the other man.

Winter Light by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

[Liam/Zayn (Liam & Louis, Harry/Louis), Teen & Up, 58k, tumblr post]

“Do you think this place is dead?” he suddenly asked, his eyes focused on one of the two oaks, whose bark was grey and trunk cracked. 

“What do you mean?” Zayn inquired, joining him by the tree. 

“Well, it’s winter now, so obviously everything looks dead anyway,” Liam said. “But do you think come spring, this place might look like the way it looked before?” 

Zayn took his time to think about Liam’s question. “I think all things are salvageable,” he eventually answered. “Including this garden. You just have to try hard enough.”

After his mother’s death, Liam is sent to live at his estranged uncle’s manor in the North of England, where new friends, mysterious places and family secrets await him. A Secret Garden inspired Soulmate AU

Cake and Kiss by @loulovehome

[Harry/Louis, General, 2k, tumblr post]

The one where omega Harry didn't like cake and wants to throw up when his alpha kisses him.

Love After the End of the World by writing_practice / @mercurial-madhouse

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 150k, tumblr post]

“Wait. Just so I’m clear in me fucking noggin,” Niall says. “An international worldwide takeover is well under way and the only thing standing between having hot showers and a second end of the world is us five fuckers?”

-----

Society shattered when all electricity suddenly cut off across the globe, plunging the world into darkness. Now, Prometheus Industries is the sole remaining supply of power, a saving grace to those who survived Lights Out. As fugitives in no-man’s land struggling to break into Prometheus HQ, death lurks around every corner for Louis and Zayn. Things get complicated when a routine recon falls apart and Louis collides with Harry and his mates Niall and Liam, survivors with their own agenda.

When staying alive is already a constant battle, the deadliest weakness is to be in love. For Harry and Louis, finding each other sits on top of the endless list of What Else Could Go Wrong.

Hometown by @allwaswell16

[Louis/Harry, Not Rated, 2k, tumblr post]

On the day Harry gets his driver’s licence, he drives through the suburbs, heartbroken that he can’t drive home to Louis.

Baby Blues by @kingsofeverything

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 12K, tumblr post]

8 mpreg Harry snippets originally posted on Tumblr. Mostly smut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But If This Ends by nonsensedarling / @absoloutenonsense

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 107k, tumblr post]

Harry’s life as a vampire is routine. He spends his years moving around from place to place, learning as much as he can, and falling in love whenever the universe sees fit. When he tries to move his casual relationship with Louis to something more, it all gets turned on its head. As they navigate confusing thoughts and complex emotions, Harry finds himself torn between the love he feels for Louis and everything he thought he knew.

Featuring pet names, love letters, secrets, meaningful friendships, and two insecure boys desperately in love.

Pretty in Pink by lovelarry / @chloehl10

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 18k, tumblr post]

“Love? Can I come in?”

Harry sniffed and shook his head before he realised Louis couldn’t see him. “No. Go home, Lou. Please.”

“I’m not leaving,” the Omega insisted, his voice full of concern. “And I’m not judging either. Just… talk to me, Haz.”

Harry briefly considered changing or at least ripping everything off and greeting Louis in his boxers before he realised that might actually be worse, that Louis had seen him dressed up and there was no need to hide anymore. He meekly shuffled over to the door and pulled it open before he backed away, refusing to meet Louis’ eyes.

To the Omega’s credit, he walked straight over to Harry and wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his cheek between Harry’s shoulder blades.

“This top feels nice. Soft. I see why you like it,” Louis said quietly from behind him.

*****

Alpha Harry loves to secretly dress up and be pretty. He loves his feminine side, even if it’s not typical of an Alpha. But when Omega Louis finds out, it might just the start of something even more beautiful for them both...

Plant New Seeds In The Melody by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 58k, tumblr post]

After losing his husband in a tragic car accident, the last thing Louis needs is to keep running into popstar Harry Styles, who David was quite fond of.

Obviously, that’s exactly what keeps happening.

But as their unlikely friendship blossoms, Louis realizes that, maybe, having Harry in his life was the only good thing that came out of his adverse circumstances. Harry could be just the right person to help Louis find trust and intimacy in someone new.

We are the same, you run in my veins by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers

[Louis/Harry, General, 4k, tumblr post]

When the time for Louis to become the Alpha leader of his pack comes, he can’t rise to the occasion for not being yet bonded. A series of trips to neighbouring packs in search of his soulmate is fruitless until he meets one of the other packs’ Alpha heir.

Harry.

The world seems to stop turning for a second and then it shifts, clicking into its axis. All the distress and wrongness he felt until that very moment suddenly disappears. Louis is finally whole.

But two Alpha leaders from different tribes soulbonding is something unheard of before.

evergreen, evermore by docklands / @hershelsue​

[Louis/Harry, General, 2k, tumblr post]

The year is 1979. Their entire lives, Harry and Louis have lived in Chichester, home to the best watermelons in the world. An unruffled life in the country has always served their long term friendship well. It all shifts when Harry has to move away to a bigger city due to his mother’s job, albeit his love for his hometown and for Louis. It’s even harsher when the moving truck leaves on his birthday, of all days. When all seems lost, Louis ends up having to pull some strings to ease the pain in Harry’s heart.

When The High's Too High, and the Low's Too Low by DaysLikeMasquerades

[Louis/Harry, Mature, 22k+ (wip)]

Two perspectives of growing up neurodivergent

Some days Harry wondered if he would ever find a friend who could look past all the things he couldn't change. Someone who didn't care that he could spend hours talking about his latest fascination without calling him obsessed. Who didn't laugh when he couldn't stop his hands from expressing his emotions. Who didn't care that he was 13, but he'd start crying if he went into too many stores, because they were too bright, too loud, too smelly, and it was all just too overwhelming. Some days he thought someone like that just didn't exist.

Most nights Louis wondered if there would ever come a time when he didn't hate himself. When he would learn to control his emotions and the mood swings that seemed to take over everything and leave no room for himself. He wondered how he could live with himself when he only seemed to hurt the people he loved. His teachers thought he was a wonderful boy, but he knew the truth. Most nights he cried himself into exhaustion wondering how it was possible to feel so broken at only 15. He wanted to be happy, but he didn't know how and that scared him more than anything. Most nights he just hoped he could figure it out before it was too late.

Make You Never Wanna Leave (so Don’t) by @beelou​ / cherrylarry

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 3k, tumblr post]

“You look hot in plaid.” “What?” “I said you look like a dad.” “No, you didn't.” “Yes, I certainly did, Harold. You have no proof.” -- Or, the one where Harry wears plaid.

a little tenderness by @disgruntledkittenface

[Harry/Niall, ​Not rated, 10k, tumblr post]

“Listen, my alpha and I broke up and it turns out that all of our friends were really his friends and I need someone to help me through–”

“No,” Harry practically shouts, the word bursting out of him unbidden. He cringes when he sees the shock on Niall’s face, his pale skin flushing lightly. “I’m sorry, but my answer has to be no. I don’t help omegas through heats. I’m really sorry, Liam knows that, so I don’t know why he would give you the idea–”

“It’s not heat, Harry,” Niall interrupts. “It’s depri.”

“Oh. Fuck.”

Touch deprivation makes a lot of sense now that Harry thinks about it. Niall seems generally unwell; he appears to be weak, his skin is pallid and his lips look chapped, and his breathing is ragged. He’s wearing a cozy-looking sweatshirt, but even over FaceTime, he kind of seems cold, hunched over with his arms wrapped around his body. Harry’s never been around an omega in depri as bad off as Niall looks; most of the time, there’s an alpha friend or family member who can help out with scenting and physical contact.

Oh.

[kissinginkitchens]

You Bring Me Home—Chapter Ten: When it Rains

a/n: hi besties!! This one is... tough I’m ngl to y’all. It is the second to the last chapter which is so wild to think about, but alas all good things must come to an end. Hopefully you don’t hate me too much by the end of it but feel free to vent in my inbox :))) much love, Mel <3

Pairing: Hawai’i!Harry x Original Character (Halani <3)

Warnings: swearing, some suggestive humor, ANGST (!!)

Word Count: 7.4 k

catch up on parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine

“Is that my shirt?”

“No,”

Alani squints at the cartoon bee printed on Harry’s white t-shirt and crosses her arms in disbelief. 

“Yes it is! I’ve been looking for it everywhere,”

“Don’t worry, you can have it back soon,” he admits, crawling back into his bed with an apologetic kiss to her pouting lips. “Doesn’t smell like you anymore,”

“Thief,”

Harry scoffs and props himself up on an elbow. “Don’t act like my Spice World jumper isn’t hanging at the foot of your bed right now,”

“You left it there,” Alani defends. “I was merely being kind and looking after said hoodie because it was abandoned by its owner,”

“Oh yeah and you’ve fought real hard to reunite us,”

“Can we get back to the main issue at hand? Which is that I’m kinda pissed off that you look better in that shirt than I do.”

Harry chuckles to himself and presses an affectionate kiss to her temple. “You’re too kind.”

Alani rests her cheek against his chest and listens to the rain pattering harshly against the window, admiring the flashes of lightning that illuminate the dimly lit room. Harry had convinced her to stay the night, worried about her driving home alone in the storm, and he was met with very little resistance. Secretly, he thanks the rain gods for allowing him another night to hold her close. 

********

“H, you gotta tell her,” Jeff had warned the previous night. “I already pushed the flight back a week—”

“I know,” Harry huffed. “I just need a little more time.”

Jeff sighed, rubbing his tired eyes with the heels of his hands. “You have until this weekend when we go away with the girls. One week in Maui, and then it’s back home. I’m sorry.”

********

Harry’s stomach turns remembering the conversation, but he decides to push all the nagging thoughts to the back of his mind and focus on the present. 

“You all packed?” he asks, trailing his fingers up and down her arm. 

Alani drapes her leg over his hip and nods. “Been packed since last week.”

She had been ecstatic the day after Mila and Chad’s wedding when Harry invited her to tag along on the couple’s trip with Jeff, Tom, and their significant others. His eagerness to include her in his friend group was not only reassuring, but exciting. It felt like their lives were coming together, even more so after she had introduced him to her parents. They, of course, had adored him and quickly given their seal of approval. While Alani knew that it was ultimately her choice, it still felt good to have support from the most important people in her life, and she hoped to win his friends over just as easily. Harry, on the other hand, had no doubts that she would fit right into his chosen family. Her name had been cautiously dropped during a weekly FaceTime call with his mother and sister, and he was overjoyed when they enthusiastically grilled him for details. 

What Harry was less sure of, however, was how Alani would react upon hearing that his vacation was up and that he would be headed back to L.A. in a week’s time. It was still early in their relationship and an indeterminate break seemed less than ideal. He had tried to convince both Jeff and the label that he could finish the album in Hawaii, but the same couldn’t be said for Jeff Bhasker, Mitch, Tom, and his new bassist, Adam, who all had families waiting for them back on the mainland. It was too risky personally and financially, so Harry reluctantly negotiated one last week to persuade Alani that a long-distance relationship wouldn’t be a death sentence. 

“What d’you wanna watch?” he asks, sitting up against the headboard to turn on the T.V. 

Alani sighs and settles deeper into his side. “When Harry Met Sally,”

“But it’s not Christmas or New Year’s,”

“So?”

“So,” Harry explains. “We have to wait ‘til the holidays, wouldn’t be right otherwise,”

Alani scoffs and peers up at him with a judgemental look. “So I guess Serendipity is also out of the question?”

“We’ll have all Christmas to get through that list, darlin’,”

Her stomach flips at his suggestion of their future holiday plans. Privately, she had wondered about such things, as well, including what gifts she might get him or where they would spend the holidays. Though still months away, it suddenly felt within reach. 

“Fine,” Alani softens. “The Notebook,”

“And let you drool over what’s-his-face?” Harry pokes. “No fuckin’ way,”

Alani pinches his side and sits up. “Would you stop being insecure about that? I’ve already told you I was just kidding that time,”

“Yeah well, it still stings,”

“Why don’t you tell me your celebrity crush? You know, so I can be totally fine about it because it doesn’t mean anything,”

Harry shrugs, the corners of his lips turning into a playful smirk. “Don’t have one,”

“Liar,”

“M’serious,”

“Why, because you’ve already dated them?”

“Hey,” Harry pouts. “That was a bit snippy,”

Alani’s muscles tighten. She hadn’t realized that his dating history was a sore spot, but she takes a deep breath and plants a sweet kiss to his jaw as an offering of peace. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,”

“S’alright. Truce?”

“Deal,”

“Jennifer Aniston,”

“Huh?”

“My celebrity crush,” Harry explains shyly. “When I was younger,”

Alani giggles lightly. “I see. Good taste, she’s hot,”

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna leave me for her too,”

“I just might,”

“Can’t say that I blame you,”

“Look I know this is a cute little bit we do,” Alani sits up, her gaze dead-set on Harry’s to communicate the seriousness behind her words. “But I just want you to know that I feel so lucky to be with you. I’m not going anywhere any time soon,”

Harry swallows harshly. It was everything he’d ever wanted to hear and it kills him that he can’t return the sentiment with full honesty. A little less than a week is all he has to prove that even though he physically has to go, his heart will remain wherever Alani is. “Me either,”

Another round of thunder booms outside and the lights fizzle out, leaving the room completely dark save for the intermittent flashes of lightning that gently illuminate the room. 

“So much for watching a movie, huh?” Alani sighs. 

“I think I know some other ways we can keep ourselves entertained.”

********

Harry sets a steaming cup of tea down onto the table in front of Alani and she looks up from her tube of nail polish curiously. Harry flashes a dimpled grin in her direction and whistles a familiar tune, one that she had heard in the studio when he was busy doing his Bob Dylan impression. 

“What’re you singing?”

“Hm?”

“The song,” she clarifies. “You were singing it the other day, what is it?”

Harry serves her plate of hash browns and shrugs. “Dunno, just a little tune ‘ve been workin’ on,”

“It’s nice,”

“Thanks, sweets,” he offers, setting her food down and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“Hey Alani,” Jeff interrupts, stepping into the kitchen with his cellphone pressed to his shoulder.

“Glenne wants to know if you’re okay with her setting up a spa thing for you guys,”

"Yeah, definitely,” Alani perks up. 

“Cool, thanks.”

“Look at you,” Harry teases, taking a bite of his toast coated in strawberry jam. “Minglin’ with the girls,”

“They’re not even here yet,” 

He scans over her appearance and his brows furrow, hit with the sudden realization that she’s dressed in formal attire. 

“What’s with the fancy outfit”

“I have a meeting, remember?”

“With?”

Alani blows on her freshly painted nails and holds up her other hand for Harry to do the same. 

“My senior advisor. We’re going over my research project,”

Harry’s brows raise. “Smarty-pants,”

Alani had scheduled her meeting with Dr. Hudson months ago and had, truthfully, forgotten all about it until she had received a courtesy email the day prior. She had been working on her proposal in the spare minutes she had away from Harry, which were few and far between, but she knew the initial meeting would be much more casual. Alani checks the time on her phone and stands quickly when she realizes that she is supposed to meet Dr. Hudson in  less than thirty-minutes. 

“Gotta go,” she offers, shoveling potatoes into her mouth and grabbing her bag. 

Harry ceases blowing on her nails and kisses the back of her hand before sticking out his lips for a kiss of his own. “Good luck, darlin’. Meet me at the studio after?”

“Sure thing, sunshine. See you later.”

********

“How did the Joni Mitchell piece go? You never told me,” Dr. Hudson questions, taking a sip of her coffee. 

Alani offers a shy smile and toys with the hem of her skirt. “A flop,”

“Just one more closer to the winner,”

“Yeah,” Alani sighs, stirring her smoothie. “Maybe it’s time to move on from that,”

The professor shoots her a disapproving look and sets her drink down. “Alani—”

“I just think maybe there’s more realistic—”

“You are not giving up,” Dr. Hudson reassures her. “You’ve come too far and you’re a terrific writer. One of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of teaching. These things take time,”

Alani nods gently, her lips pursed in a tight smile. “Thank you, that really means a lot,”

“What are you working on right now?”

Absolutely nothing, Alani thinks, but then she remembers the half-written article about Harry sitting in her files. 

“A short piece about… a local musician,”

Dr. Hudson’s brows raise, intrigued, and she nods. “That sounds interesting. Definitely more personal,”

You have no idea. “Thanks. I mean, it’s not really anything—”

“I’d love to read it when you’re finished,” the professor continues. “What’s the scope?”

Alani thinks, trying not to give too much incriminating detail about her subject or their relationship. 

“Well,” she starts, hesitant. “He’s writing new music and working on his first album. I guess I kind of want to follow his journey and redefinition of success in the music industry,”

Dr. Hudson hums. “I love it. Send me a draft.”

Alani swallows and takes a minute to consider the offer. Surely there couldn’t be anything wrong about sharing her work privately with her advisor. She had been so excited about the potential of the article when it was first started, but it had since been neglected like so many of her other rejected pieces. Starting again seemed exciting, and she knew that Harry would be pleased to play such an important role in making her dreams come true. That had, after all, been the initial terms of their agreement. 

“Okay,” Alani accepts. “I will.”

********

Harry draws out the last note and Mitch lets the chord ring between them for a moment. 

“I think that’s the one,”

“Yeah, I liked that progression better,”

“Hope you got that, Bhasker,” Mitch calls to Jeff in the sound booth, who gives a thumbs up in response. 

Harry continues humming, his head still bobbing to the tune, when he hears the studio door creak unpleasantly. His eyes shoot up to find Alani wincing and timidly stepping into the room. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,”

He softens and beckons her over. “Never an interruption, sweets,”

Alani slots herself between his legs and wraps her arms around his neck, giving a gentle peck to the tip of his nose before pressing their lips together.

“How’s the weather?”

“Just got a lot sunnier,”

“Meeting go well?”

She nods and twists a lock of his chestnut hair between her fingers. “Yeah, actually,”

“Then we should celebrate!” Harry perks up, peppering a kiss to her cheek. “Dinner, wine, movie, the whole shebang,”

Alani frowns, thinking back to the article she promised Dr. Hudson. “Hmmm, raincheck?”

Her boyfriend deflates. “You’re ditching me?”

“Just for one night,” she explains, pulling him closer. “I wanna finish up some school stuff before our trip. Otherwise I won’t be able to give you my full attention,”

Harry pouts, but he nods understandingly. “‘Kay,”

“I’m sorry, sunshine. I’ll miss you tons,”

“Ditto, sweets,”

Alani presses her forehead against his and her fingertips wander through the growing curls at the nape of his neck. “Please don’t be upset,”

Harry smiles warmly and smoothes his hands up and down her back. “Never, m’love. Could never be upset with you,”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he nods, planting a sweet kiss to her lips. “Hey, I wanna play you somethin’,” 

Alani grins and pulls back a bit to read his expression. “Let’s hear it,”

Harry grabs the guitar next to him and slings it over his shoulder before adjusting the capo. The song starts sweet and gentle, his voice light to match the tune. 

And oh we started 

Two hearts in one home 

It’s hard when we argue 

We’re both stubborn I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home 

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home 

Alani watches in awe as he pours so much emotion behind every word, his vocals effortlessly powerful and rich. She claps when the song finishes and leans in for a kiss. 

“I love it,”

“S’not finished yet,” Harry shrugs, still fiddling with the strings. “Just the chorus right now,”

“Will you teach it to me?”

His brows raise in surprise. “You play?”

“No,” Alani admits. “But I have a feeling you’re a good teacher,”

“Well, let’s see what you got,”

Alani turns and Harry props the guitar in her lap, his arms wrapping around her as he guides her into the right position. His left hand demonstrates the beginning chord and she replaces his fingers on the fretboard to try for herself. She strums and the beginning note resonates in near-perfect pitch. 

“Hey,” Harry beams. “You’re a regular Hendrix,”

He continues positioning her fingers over the right spaces and letting her strum, humming the lyrics softly into the shell of her ear. 

“We don’t argue that much,” Alani defends playfully. 

Harry chuckles and kisses her temple. “Maybe not, but we’re really good at makin’ up.”

“Easy, Styles.”

********

Harry: Hungry?

Alani peels her eyes away from the computer screen and reads the message lighting up her phone. 

Alani: Not really

Harry: …

Harry: oh 

She laughs and pads over to the window. Sure enough, Harry holds up two bags and flashes a cheesy grin down below. 

“Need a study break?”

“I’ll meet you at the door.”

Harry makes himself comfortable in the middle of her bed and unpacks the bags. 

“I’ve got a California and a spicy tuna for my favorite girl,” he announces. “With a side of eel sauce,”

“And the world's best boyfriend goes to Mr. Harry Styles,” Alani grins, taking a seat next to him. 

He smirks and pulls out his own order of miso soup and sushi. “How’s the homework comin’ along?”

“Not too shabby,”

“Glad to hear it,”

“Hey, what time do I meet you at the airport tomorrow?” she asks, dipping her roll in the sauce. 

Harry freezes and turns to her with confusion written all over his face. “I’m sorry, did my girlfriend just insinuate that we’re not leaving for the airport together?”

“I really need to finish this,” Alani explains. “It’s almost there,” 

“Two nights?” he complains. 

Alani nudges him with her shoulder and shakes her head. “We’re gonna be spending an entire week together, non-stop. You’re gonna get sick of me,”

“Never,” Harry rebuts. “Not possible,”

“Just one more night,” Alani bargains. “Then I’m all yours, no interruptions.”

He nods and takes a sip of his soup. “Alright, deal.”

You have to tell her, Jeff’s voice rings in his mind. 

********

The airline stewardess ushers Harry and Alani to their seats while Scott and Miles settle down a few rows behind. She didn’t know exactly what to expect from first-class, but suddenly the perks of having a famous boyfriend increased tenfold by the sight of their luxurious accommodations.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Alani asks while Harry hovers over his chair. 

“Sitting, or I was about to,”

“And you’re not even gonna offer rock-paper-scissors for the window seat?”

Harry shakes his head with an amused chuckle. “No because I already know that you’re gonna get up to pee every five minutes,”

“Not true,”

“It is too true and it’s exactly why we can’t cuddle while we fall asleep,”

“Or maybe the reason is because I’m claustrophobic and I just don’t wanna hurt your feelings,”

Harry frowns. “Really?”

“No,” Alani admits, taking the aisle seat. “I just said that so you’d give me the window,”

“Get up, we’re switching,”

“Thank you, sunshine! You’re the best,”

Harry slumps into his new chair and crosses his arms. “Forty-five minutes and we’re already fighting like an old married couple,”

“Oh really?” Alani smirks. “Is that what old married couples argue about? Who gets the window seat?”

“And leaving the toilet seat up, going antique shopping—” 

“—What old married couples have you been hanging out with—?”

“—Picking up the kids from school,”

Alani presses a kiss to his shoulder and rests her head in the crook of his neck. Her eyelids are still heavy from staying up the night before, but her article was completely finished and sent off to Dr. Hudson just like she’d promised. Now, she could enjoy her vacation free of any worry or obligation, completely focused on the perfect boy still rambling next to her. 

“But, obviously I mean that doesn’t count, right?” Harry asks, craning his neck and smiling softly when he sees that his girlfriend has already dozed off. He kisses the top of her head gently and lets his own eyes flutter close with a deep, contented breath. 

********

“And then I’ll have to repaint it, but I haven’t decided on a color yet,” Glenne explains to Alani as they stroll through the airport. 

Alani hums. “It was your grandmother’s?” 

“Well, it was somebody’s grandmother’s. We picked it up at this little antique shop in Santa Monica.”

Jeff escorts Glenne into the shuttle car while Harry and Alani share a knowing look and stifle their laughter. They shuffle into the back seats as Tom and his wife, Jenny, claim the middle row. 

“So you’re a journalist?” Jenny asks, turning in her seat eagerly to face Alani. 

“Not quite,” she explains with a polite smile. “Still a student, but hopefully someday,”

Jenny nods and twirls the ring around her finger. “Sounds exciting. Maybe you can hitch a ride on tour with this one and do some writing there.”

“Yeah,” Alani smiles, settling further into Harry’s side. “Maybe.”

The idea of traveling the world with Harry and being a part of the excitement of touring the album was something she had considered briefly, but hadn’t allowed herself to fully indulge until this moment. It was already thrilling to see him polish the songs he had begun during his trip, but she could only imagine how much more special it would be to see him perform them for the rest of the world. A twinge of jealousy sparks at the thought of having to share any part of him with the public, but Alani knows that his gifts are much too special to keep all for herself. Harry was golden and he deserved to shine in all of his radiant glory. That was exactly what she had penned in her article, and she said it not because he was her boyfriend and there were clear personal investments, but because she knew it was true even before he had shown any romantic interest in her. 

“What’s tour like?” Alani pipes up as Harry watches the landscape out his window. 

He considers it for a moment and clears his throat. “Fun, mostly. Can be tiring,”

“Lots of partying and adoring fans?”

“No,” he chuckles to himself. “Not so much the partying. Enthusiastic fans, sure,”

Alani narrows her eyes. “No partying?”

“Nope,” Harry reiterates. “Don’t really like to do all that stuff when I’m working. Also just didn’t wanna…”

He trails off and Alani waits a beat to see if he’ll continue. “Didn’t wanna?”

“Fuck it up,” he finishes. “You know, like, be the one who ruined a good thing for a little bit of fun.”

She lets his words settle in, rubbing a reassuring circle on the back of his hand. “Makes sense. Sounds really responsible of you to do that.”

Harry presses a soft kiss to her temple and resumes his study of the scenery. They chat amongst their friends for the remainder of the drive and Alani immediately presses Glenne and Jenny for information about her boyfriend in his younger years. They indulge her inquiries and ask their own questions, deciding privately after a few minutes that her and Harry are a good fit. 

When the group arrives at the resort, Glenne takes charge and instructs them all to meet at the lobby for lunch in twenty minutes. They collect their keys and head up to their respective rooms, which are all located on the very top floor. 

“What a view,” Alani muses as she takes in the sight from their private balcony. 

Harry admires the wonder on her face and nods, his eyes not leaving her side profile. “You’re tellin’ me,”

“Let’s never go home,” she poses, arms snaking around his torso. “Let’s stay here forever, just me and you,”

His throat tightens as he thinks back to the inevitable conversation waiting for them. Harry didn’t know why it was so hard to think about leaving because he had every intention of keeping touch and making their relationship work at all costs. But there was a part of him, a very tiny recess in the back of his mind, that feared the possibility of Alani not feeling the same. 

“Yeah,” he agrees with a gentle kiss to the tip of her nose. “Whatever you want, sweets,”

Alani senses a shift in his demeanor, but she can’t read it. “You okay?”

“Never better,” Harry swallows, mustering up a small smile. “But I am hungry,”

She isn’t entirely convinced that there isn’t something bothering him, but she decides not to push it and tightens her grip around his waist, instead. 

“Race you to the lobby.”

“You’re on.”

********

“You’ve never seen Finding Nemo?”

“Was I s’posed to?”

“My god,” Alani marvels. “You know, I’m starting to believe those rumors that you were grown in a lab,”

Harry’s brow raises and he blinks. “That I was what?”

The restaurant that Glenne and Jeff chose features an aquarium tunnel at the entrance, much to both Harry and Alani’s excitement. Fish, large and small, swim around them and the pair take turns pointing out their favorite colorful species. The Hull’s snap photos for their four year-old daughter, but Jenny also secretly captures one of Harry and Alani with their hands clasped under the mesmerizing blue lighting as a keepsake for her friend. 

“Add Finding Nemo to our movie list,” Alani says, admiring a clownfish that swims close to the glass. 

“S’it  gonna make me cry?”

“Probably,”

“Goddamnit,” 

Alani giggles softly and turns her head away from the glass to silently observe Harry under the lighting of the rippling water. The combination of his serene features and the sound of Billie Holiday’s I’ll Be Seeing You over the sound system creates a perfect image in her mind, one that makes her afraid to blink, lest it be gone forever. Harry glances over at her through the corner of his eye and his lips curl. 

“Checkin’ me out?”

“Always,”

“Like whatcha see?”

“Love it.”

His heart nearly stops at her words, but before he has a chance to process their implication, the hostess calls on their group. 

“And I’ll have the piña colada,” Harry orders once they're seated. 

“Oh my god, H,” Glenne laughs from across the table. “That reminds me, remember your birthday last year when James got trashed and hoarded the karaoke machine for, like, two hours?”

“Ruined that song forever,” Jeff quips, reliving the memory of the Late-Late host drunkenly serenading the entire party with the same song on repeat. 

Harry cringes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I try not to,”

Alani watches as they reminisce on the event, adding their own details and pieces to the puzzle. It’s amusing to watch, but a small part of her also has to fight the pang of exclusion settling into the pit of her stomach. She feels guilty for being affected by it knowing, logically, that it isn’t intentional or malicious in any way. Still, Alani is painfully reminded of the vast differences between their worlds. Harry had gotten to know practically every part of her life, including her family, but there was still so much that she didn’t know about his. It was something she worked hard not to dwell on, given the novelty of their relationship, but she also worried that fear and insecurity would prevent her from investing what little of her heart Harry hadn’t claimed yet. 

“Who was it that started dancing on a table and almost broke a chandelier?” Tom asks, wracking his brain. 

“I think it was Ken—” Jeff hesitates, clearing his throat. “Actually, I don’t remember,”

Harry shifts in his seat beside Alani and reads over the menu, quickly changing the subject. “What’re you gonna get?”

“I don’t know,” Alani admits. “Everything looks so good,”

“Oh look,” Jenny pipes up across from Harry. “They’ve got your fav, the mango sorbet. I wonder if it’s as good as the one in Italy,”

Harry beams and reads over the item. “Oh yeah, that was amazin’,” 

Alani files the detail to the back of her mind. She hadn’t known mango was his favorite flavor of anything, and while it was a trivial detail, she realized that there were so still many little details about him that she wanted to know. Harry had made such an effort to remember everything about her, like her go-to sushi order and the fact that she always saved the kiwis for last in her fruit salad, so it made her feel a touch guilty that she hadn’t made the same effort. 

“Wanna share the coconut shrimp?” Alani asks with a gentle nudge to his shoulder. 

“Oh, uh—”

“He’s allergic,” Glenne says offhandedly, not cold or condescending, but more in the same way that an older sister would. 

“Oh my god,” Alani’s eyes widen. “I’m so sorry,”

Harry laughs lightly and shrugs. “S’okay, I’d let you poison me,”

“I didn’t mean to be rude,” Glenne apologizes, reaching her hand out to Alani. “I thought you knew.”

Alani accepts the hand and waves away her concern. “No, don’t worry about it. I didn’t know, actually.”

“We can stop talking about my defects now,” Harry teases. “‘M not dyin’,”

He leans in closer to Alani and presses a kiss to her temple. “But if I was, it’d be an honor to have my last meal with you.”

She responds with a soft smile before returning her attention back to the menu. His sentiments, however sweet, unfortunately did very little to soothe the embarrassment of her mini faux pas. It was irrational, Alani knew this, but it made her wonder what else she didn’t know and what bigger secrets he was potentially keeping. Whose name had Jeff meant to say earlier to identify the mystery dancer at Harry’s party, and why had it created an awkward shift in the air? She decides not to let the spiraling questions spoil her fun and takes a generous sip of her cocktail to avoid them for the time being. 

********

Harry sets the room key on the nightstand next to their king sized bed and lets himself sink down into the soft mattress. The group had spent the entire day sightseeing, from botanical gardens to scenic beaches, but he was really itching for some quality time alone with Alani. Lately, their time together had been cut frustratingly short by work, school, and life in general. Even when they were seated right next to each other with arms linked or fingers interlocked, she felt far away and he didn’t know why. He hoped that this trip would allow them time to reconnect and solidify their relationship before he had to return to California. 

“Mini bar,” Alani comments, kicking her shoes off and wandering over to the small refrigerator in their suite. “Who’s paying again?”

“The label,”

“Thank you Columbia Records,”

She swipes a few bottles of tequila before climbing into the bed next to Harry. 

“Wanna play a game?”

Harry props himself up on his elbow and nods. “What kinda game?”

“Never have I ever,” Alani explains. “But instead of putting your finger down, you take a shot,”

“Sounds dangerous,”

“It’ll be fun. You can go first if you want,”

He hums and nods in agreement before sitting up to face her. “‘Kay. Never have I ever...named my car after a musician,”

“Cheap shot,” Alani narrows her eyes, taking a sip from the bottle of Jose Cuervo. 

“Your turn,”

She fiddles with the bottle cap, a question already in mind, though she isn’t sure if she should ask it. 

“Never have I ever… dated a model,”

Harry’s brow furrows, but he opens his own bottle slowly and takes a sip. “So it’s that kind of never have I ever,”

“Just trying to keep it interesting,” Alani shrugs innocently. 

“Right. Never have I ever slept with a guy named David,”

Her eyes widen, but she laughs half-heartedly and takes a sip. “Jeez, okay. Never have I ever—”

“Wait, so you two actually…” Harry interrupts, trailing off at the end. 

“I mean,” Alani starts, her eyes wandering to the ceiling. “Yeah, a long time ago,”

“How long ago?”

“Okay, maybe this was a mistake—”

Harry shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry. I’ll play nice,”

“Alright,” Alani accepts. She knows that she should probably steer the game back onto safer territory, but the wound has been re-opened and she can’t resist the urge to keep picking at it. “Never have I ever slept with a fan,”

Harry takes a slow sip. “Never have I ever cheated on my partner,”

The bottle stays put in Alani’s hand. “Never had I ever gone on a vacation with my partner before this trip,”

The tequila washes over his tongue bitterly like the faint memories that it symbolizes. “Never have I ever dated someone just for the publicity,”

The bottle in Alani’s hand doesn’t move, much to Harry’s relief, but her mind is not as tranquil. 

“Never have I ever told someone I loved them when I didn’t,” she says slowly.  

Harry takes another shot and it burns all the way down. “Why are we doin’ this?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t wanna play anymore,”

“Alani,” he starts, springing to his feet when she leaves the bed. “Hey, look at me, please,”

She blinks back the tears that threaten to spill over her lower lashes before turning to him. “I’m sorry, that was a stupid game,”

“S’just all out of context,” Harry offers, reaching for her hands. “Wasn’t the right way to have all of those conversations,”

Alani takes a deep breath and nods. “Yeah, you’re right,”

“What’s really botherin’ you, hm sweets?” He coos, bringing her cold knuckles to his warm lips. “Tell me, please?”

She releases a shaky breath and tries to sift through the fog in her brain for the right answer.

 “I don’t know, really, I just,” Alani hesitates. “Am I a bad girlfriend?”

“No,” Harry says quickly, his hands lifting to cup her face. “God no, you’re the best,”

“Then why didn’t I know that your favorite ice cream flavor was mango? And why didn’t I know that you were allergic to coconut, and why—”

“Hang on, is that what this is all about?” he questions. “Cause I’ll go eat an entire coconut right now,”

Alani laughs lightly and pinches her eyes shut. “No, it’s not about that. I just feel like you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and you make me feel so fucking special and, God, I just wanna be good enough for you because—”

Harry holds his breath and watches as her eyes gloss over. 

“Because I love you,” she finishes, voice small. “More than I ever thought possible,”

His own eyes sting, but he doesn’t fight the tears that fall as he presses his lips to hers firmly. 

“I love you, too,” Harry murmurs. “I love you so fuckin’ much it drives me crazy,”

Alani chuckles softly. “Ditto,”

“I’ve been wanting to say it for ages, can’t believe you beat me to it.”

“Guess you’re not the only one full of surprises.”

********

The early morning sunlight creeps gently into Harry and Alani’s room, casting a soft, golden glow onto the bare skin that peeks through the white duvet. Harry stirs first, a strand of Alani’s hair tickling his nose and making him smile. He prys his heavy eyelids open and winces at the dull aching of his head aggravated by the light. Alani hears his muffled groan and sighs, willing the sun to go back down and let her sleep a few more hours. 

“Mornin’ sweets,” he rasps with a warm kiss to her bare shoulder. 

She peels her own tired eyes open and flashes a sleepy grin. “Good morning, sunshine,”

“How’d you sleep?”

“Super. You?”

Harry props himself up on his elbow and rests his chin in his palm as he admires the traces of sleep still on her face.

“Just swell.”

Alani chuckles lightly and reaches a hand up to comb through his unruly bedhead. His skin is warm to the touch, and the light from the window casts a heavenly glow around his visage. She pokes her finger into his dimple, which elicits a soft laugh and makes his smile grow wider. They stay intertwined under the sheets as the sun fully rises and soak up their own details to keep as souvenirs from this moment. Alani takes in the scent of vanilla and the juxtaposition of Harry’s inked bicep against the plain, white sheets. He stores away the image of her sleepy, mocha eyes and the pink, manicured fingernails that trail up and down his arm. Neither of them are sure exactly how long they remain in this moment, for all they know it could be hours or days. But whatever the duration, it doesn’t seem to be enough. I need more time, Harry had told Jeff, but there was no more left to give. He had to tell her, and it was now or never. 

“Hey,” he begins carefully. “I need to tell you something,”

Alani sits up to be eye level with him and nods. “Anything,”

Harry waits a beat, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and pressing his lips to her bare shoulder before letting the confession spill out. 

“I have to go back to L.A.,”

 “I kinda figured,”

He draws in a deep sigh of relief. “You did?”

“Yeah,” Alani shrugs. “Hilo isn’t exactly Hollywood,”

“I asked for more time, but the label—”

“No, I get it. So… when? Next month?”

“Friday,”

Alani’s brows furrow. “This Friday?”

“Yeah,” Harry admits with a gulp. 

“The last day of our trip?”

“Yes,”

Her heart drops into her stomach and she feels sick. It all made sense now why Harry’s mood had shifted when she jokingly asked him not to leave, and why he had been so insistent on spending as much time together as possible this week. Their game of never have I ever turned instantly defensive when asked about his dating history. Never had I ever gone on vacation with my partner before this trip. Never have I ever told someone I loved them when I didn’t. He had whisked her away on a farewell trip and God knows who else had been in her place before, or worse, who would be in it next. Harry was saying good-bye. 

“Wait,” Alani says finally, mind still racing too fast to process. “How long have you known?”

“Alani—”

“How long?”

Harry swallows. “Couple of weeks,”

“You knew for weeks and you didn’t tell me?” she questions incredulously.

“I tried—”

“You know that I hate surprises, you know how I feel about plans—”

“I’m sorry,” Harry insists, sitting up straighter. “I wanted to tell you so many times, but it just never felt right,”

Alani rolls her eyes. “So what, you were just gonna leave a fucking sticky note on my pillow and hope for the best?”

“Don’t say that—”

“Is that why you brought me here?” she asks, voice hoarse. “Is that why you gave me this necklace? A souvenir of our little summer fling so you could leave with a clear conscience?”

Harry’s jaw tightens. “How could you even think that?”

“Because maybe it’s true. Why else would you wait until the very last minute to tell me about this?”

“Maybe we should take a minute,” he suggests, the whites of his eyes now bloodshot. “Before we say something we’ll regret,”

“I think I already did.” Alani admits. Never have I ever told someone I loved them when I didn’t. 

Harry’s head pounds and he feels like he’s drowning, treading water in every direction only to be dragged further into the current. He quickly pulls on his clothes from the night before and tries to steady his breathing. 

“M’gonna go wait in the hall,” he offers. “Give you some space to think and then we’ll talk, yeah?”

Alani doesn’t respond or even meet his pleading eyes. She simply tightens the duvet around her body and turns her head to the window, letting a single, bitter tear roll down her cheek. The door closes softly and she is immediately filled with regret and guilt. Had she truly meant all of the things she said? Or was it fear and the instinct to flee taking over her mouth? Alani wanted to believe that she was wrong and that Harry hadn’t intentionally kept her in the dark, but from where she stood, the sun had long disappeared behind the clouds and all that was left was the storm. 

Harry trudges down the hallway and the walls spin, closing in on him slowly. If he had just told Alani sooner, everything would be different. He had avoided doing so for this exact reason and out of fear that their relationship wouldn’t be worth the risk in her mind. It was selfish—he was selfish—to try to make the decision for her, and now the woman he loved was getting ready to walk away because he had broken her trust. What else was there to do? His back meets the wall and he sinks to the floor. 

“Hey H,” Jeff clears his throat from above. “We should talk,”

“She knows. Didn’t go well,”

“So she did approve the article?” 

Harry lifts his head and his brows furrow. “What?”

There’s a harsh knock at the door and Alani jumps. In Harry’s absence, she had managed to cool off and sift through her frantic thoughts. She had been wrong to think that he used her, all it took was a quick stroll down memory lane to prove otherwise. He had never given her any true reason not to trust him, so there had to be some other reason why he hadn’t told her about his plans to leave so soon. Alani pads over to the door and unlocks it gently. 

“Harry, I’m sor—”

“Wanna talk about surprises?” he seethes. “What the fuck is this?”

She squints at the phone screen that he holds up to her face and the title of her unpublished article stares back at her. 

“I don’t know—”

“Well it has your goddamn name on it,” Harry shoots back. 

Alani steps aside and lets him into the room before she closes the door behind her. “I can explain—”

“Did you write it or not?”

“Yes, but—”

He shuts the phone off and slams it face down onto the night stand. “How fucking dare you call me a liar and then pull this shit behind my back,”

“I didn’t lie,” Alani defends, voice weak. “I had no idea it was going to be published, please just listen—”

“A class project,” he interrupts with his back still turned. “That’s what you said,”

“It was never meant to be released,”

“How do I know that? How do I know you’re not just trying to cover your ass?”

“Please,” Alani begs as her vision begins to blur. “I was wrong, I shouldn’t have said all those things,”

Harry runs a hand through his hair and casts his eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to quell the emotion that pools behind his eyes. 

“So why did you?”

“I was scared,”

“Of?”

Alani takes a deep breath. “Of losing you for good. Of falling in l—”

“Don’t,” he interrupts. “Don’t finish that sentence,”

“I don’t know how,” she tries again. “And I don’t know who released it, but I swear—”

“You really expect me to trust a word you say after you accused me of lying about this whole thing, about us?”

Harry’s  gaze lowers back to hers and the bright, green eyes that she has come to love are replaced with a blood-shot, stormy sea that makes her stomach drop. The words get caught in her throat. 

“I fucked up,” he continues. “I know that I should’ve told you. But I’m having a hard time believing that this wasn’t planned, that this random website would just accidentally publish your work without your consent,”

Alani can’t explain it either, she truly had no idea how her writing had ended up in the wrong hands. There was only one other person she had entrusted it with, but surely Dr. Hudson hadn’t betrayed her, had she? Alani didn’t know who to believe anymore. 

“Harry, I’m so sorry,” she tries. “I didn’t mean what I said, and I know I can’t take it back, but you have to at least believe that I never wanted to hurt you,”

Harry is silent for a moment, and Alani decides that it’s her turn to tell the truth. There was nothing left to lose. 

“At first, I did want to publish it,” she explains. “But I changed my mind and I scrapped the whole thing. In the end, the only person I intended to show it to was you,”

“So how did it get onto the internet for the whole fucking world to see?” he presses. 

Alani sighs. “My advisor wanted to know what I was working on, so I sent it to her, but she never had my permission to publish it. Now I realize how stupid it sounds, but it’s the truth,”

“If you had come to me, I would have given you permission,”

“I’m so sorry,”

Harry’s shoulders tense. Every fiber of his being  wants to believe her, but how could he? She had told him herself that things would be messy and warned him that he didn’t know what he was asking by pursuing a relationship with her. Maybe it really was all his fault for not seeing the signs, but that still didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t trust her anymore. And based on her reaction to the news of his departure, it seemed as though Alani didn’t trust him either. 

“Even if you’re telling the truth,” Harry begins, slow and deliberate. “You still thought, after everything, that I would abandon you. And if that’s the kind of person you think I am, if that’s the person you wrote about—”

“Harry—”

“Then I hope you got all the material you wanted.”

“Please, don’t go.” Alani cries but it’s too late. The door slams and her heart falls. 

After a beat, she races to the door and into the hallway but there’s no sign of Harry. As quickly as he had appeared into her life, he had vanished. Gone without a trace.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Soldier Boy (Part 2)

Summary: The reader spends the day with Dean getting to know him some more when she catches him in a lie and discovers one of his most dark secrets...

Masterlist

Pairing: Superhero!Dean x reader

Word Count: 2,600ish

Warnings: language, mentions of death, angst

A/N: Enjoy!

____

“So how old are you, Solider Boy?” you asked the next day as you walked around the park. 

“Thirty,” he said with a smirk.

“Solider Boy’s been around since the second world war. So. How old are you really?” you asked.

“I was eighteen when I was injected. I’ve aged very slowly. I do age, but it’s slow. They...I shouldn’t talk about this stuff,” he said, kicking at the ground with his boot. “Ah, fuck it, it’s in the news anyways.”

“The compound V?” you asked and he nodded.

“First successful try right here. I was still going through puberty so it took,” he said. “I guess. The science is very complicated they said. They just said you want to serve your country and I signed up.”

“What year were you born?”

“January 24th, 1926,” he said. You paused and he chuckled. “I know some women aren’t into older men.”

“I must seem like a child to you,” you said, walking again and crossing your arms.

“You’re twenty nine. I’m thirty. What’s such a big deal about that?” he smiled.

“You’re sweet,” you said. You dropped your hands by your sides, Dean taking one of them in his. “Old man ain’t wasting his time.”

“Keep it up, kiddo,” he laughed. You laced your fingers together with his hand and smiled as you looked at him. A flannel and t shirt. Jeans and boots. A baseball cap on his head. He looked so ordinary and yet he was the first superhero in existence. “I’m sure you’re wondering if I ever had a family.”

“A bit. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” you said. 

“No, I want to. I don’t talk to anyone anymore. Aside from the people at Vought to try and get in The Seven but that’s like beating a dead horse at this point,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Apparently I’m too similar in the market sector as Homelander. Go ‘merica and color scheme and that shit. I didn’t ask to be the leader or anything. I just...want to get off the kiddie squad, go do real shit out there, help people, not the stupid stuff I do now.”

“Maybe that’s why you don’t fit on The Seven. You want to help people, you don’t care about the photo op,” you said.

“I’m gonna keep trying,” he said. “But to answer your other question you didn’t ask, no, I never had a family. I had parents and a brother but they’ve all passed away. All my friends are gone. It never seemed right to love a girl and have a family and watch them all grow old and...honestly I didn’t want to watch my children grow older than me and die. I can’t imagine anything worse than outliving them.”

“You’re a good man, Dean.”

“I had the occasional acquaintance, don’t get me wrong. But it was always casual, no titles, nothing formal.”

“Is this casual?” you asked. He shook his head and you bumped his shoulder. “What’s different this time?”

“A chemical made me this way. Maybe a chemical can unmake me this way. We are so advanced now compared to back then. Maybe I can age normally with some other combination. Maybe I’m stuck like this forever. I just know that the numb pit inside of me woke the fuck up when I met you and it has been quiet for a very, very long time.”

“My mom’s quiet a bit older than my dad. Age gaps don’t scare me,” you said. He chuckled and you held onto his arm. “You don’t sparkle like the twilight guy though right?”

“Oh my God, no,” he laughed. “No sparkles here. I do make sparks when bullets bounce off of me though.”

“Well now you’re just bragging,” you said. You rested your head on his arm, thinking back to a movie you used to watch as a kid, Solider Boy the lead in the thing. “Dean.”

“Hm?”

“Why did you just lie about not having a family?” you asked, pulling away from him. You knew you could have let it go, should have let it go for the sake of the mission but damn you were pissed off at him for lying to you. You crossed your arms and he frowned, going over to a nearby bench. You sat down next to him, Solider Boy rubbing his hands together. “You were in this movie my brother loved so I watched it all the time. He was a huge fan and he would never shut up about you. I never paid much attention but I remember. You had a wife and kids once.”

“You’re gonna leave after I tell you this part,” he said, a sad smile on his face.

“I’m gonna leave if you don’t tell me the truth right now. You will never see my face again. You promised you would not lie to me. Out with it Dean.”

“I wasn’t always a good person. It’s very...difficult to stay good when there’s so much bad around you. When there’s no consequences.”

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

“My son and daughter died hating me, thinking I was a monster. They died because of me. That was the breaking point for me. I walked away after that, I started over. I’d turned into this thing I didn’t recognize. I became Soldier Boy. Dean Winchester...he died back in that war. Not until the nineties did I realize what had happened to me. So I left. Went away from the world. Brought Dean back to life and Soldier Boy came back but different. Good this time. Greed, corruption. It’s not happening this time. Then you said...you made that comment about me being naive, that I’d turn eventually into an asshole supe like the rest of them. I’m terrified of that happening to me again. Maybe that’s why I like you, cause you’ll remind me not to be a monster again.”

“Why do you call yourself a monster?” you asked quietly.

“The first time I killed someone, I was mortified. The last time I did it, I laughed. It made me happy. I hurt him before I did it even. I stopped caring about people. My wife wanted a divorce. I thought she was hot, she fit my image. I told her I didn’t want one so she took some pills and told me she’d rather die than live with the devil. My kids were young adults, late twenties. I snapped at them when they blamed me for their mother’s death. My son hit me so I pushed him and he hit his head. My daughter ran out, afraid of me and was hit by a car. They died because I didn’t want to lose my image. I wasn’t even that upset at first. I thought a widow superhero, that’ll boost my numbers.”

“If that didn’t…” you said, Dean running his hands over his thighs. “What made you change?”

“I found a drawing my daughter had made me when she was small,” he said. He took out his wallet and unfolded a laminated sheet of paper holding it out to you. It was done in crayon, a few stick figures with one of them wearing a superhero outfit and the word “daddy” written above it. “She loved me once. I ripped it away from her. I found that cleaning out the house and I realized what I’d done. I’m worse than any bad guy there ever was for doing that to them. I stopped caring. When you stop caring is when you lose those bits of your soul. They break off until there’s nothing left. I am a monster, Y/N. Nothing I ever do can make up for it and save whatever shattered pieces are in there. But I owe it to my kids to be good and stay good.”

You handed the sheet back and he tucked it away, his wallet going in his pocket as he stared out at the trees across the path. 

“I understand if you would no longer like to see or speak to me again. Or if you want to slap me in the face. That’s also acceptable,” he said.

“What year was all of this?” you asked.

“They died in ‘92. Then I ran away to Kansas, worked as a farmhand for a while,” he said. He rubbed his palm and stared down at his lap. “Just...be careful at night and try to stop walking down alleys for me, okay?”

“Why are you saying that?”

“I’m never going to see you again after you get up from this bench.”

You stood up and he let out a sigh. You took a step to your left and sat down closer to him, turning your head as Dean looked so horribly confused at you. You couldn’t walk away. It wasn’t an option. But while you knew you couldn’t walk because of the mission Butcher had you on, you didn’t want to. There was so much self-hate inside of Dean he hid well and part of you ached that he considered himself sub-human.

“Y/N, what are you doing?”

“Dean. What happened to your family was horrible but they were accidents. Your daughter, your son. Your wife, did she even let it sink in for you before she did that? If I was married to someone and they suddenly asked for a divorce my gut reaction would probably be no too. I’m not saying you didn’t play a part but those were her actions that trickled down and affected the rest of you. Letting yourself become corrupted means you’re human. We all make fucking mistakes. Yours are a little big, I admit that. But you try to make up for it. All you can do after the fact is try and you’re doing that. There’s a soul in there Dean. If there wasn’t this wouldn’t be eating you alive. Cut yourself a break. I gotta process everything you said but I’m not walking away. Promise you will never lie to me again and I can promise you that I won’t judge you, no matter what you’ve done.”

“I’ve been around 95 years and I’ve never met anyone like you,” he said. “That’s a good thing. I will never lie to you again. I swear. I’m sorry. I was...frightened of telling you who I was deep down. I like you. I’ve never felt like this before. It’s the first bit of happiness I’ve felt in a long time and I don’t want it to go away just yet.”

“It’s okay that you were scared. Maybe on our third date we can have a less intense conversation. We can talk about how you’re older than sliced bread,” you teased. 

“You youngin’s don’t know how good you got it,” he chuckled. You took his hand into your lap and he smiled. “Not a monster to you?”

“No. Just be a good guy and I’ll be happy,” you said. You leaned over and kissed his cheek, Dean looking you up and down.

“I wish I knew you when I was a dumb kid that let them shove that stuff in me. I never would have said yes if I had a girl back home.”

“Well, from now on, maybe just ask if you think I’d be proud of what you were doing. If the anwer’s no, maybe don’t do it,” you said.

“I’m gonna keep that one,” he said. “Also did you subtly drop that I’m getting another date despite all of that?”

“You told me the truth, even though it was hard. That’s why I like you too,” you said. “Plus you’re really old so you must have like, sex down to perfection by this point.”

“Gonna blow your fucking mind,” he teased. “Eventually. I know things are different nowadays but…you’re special. You’re not a hookup.”

“When you’re ready, you let me know and we’ll go from there, okay?” He nodded and you gave him a hug, Dean hesitant at first but he quickly relaxed into it. “You alright?”

“Been a long time since I had a hug is all.”

“You need one, just come to me,” you said. You sat back and he smiled. “So. Let’s go do something fun. You look like you could use it.”

“Night,” murmured Dean as he kissed you at your doorstep that evening.

“Night,” you said, not moving away from him just yet. His ears perked up and he forced himself away. “Trouble?”

“Yeah. Nothing major. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said.

“Bye Dean,” you said, watching him take off running far faster than any human man could. You smiled as you locked up, a loud thud coming from your kitchen. You unlocked the door and looked around. “Hello?”

“For such a nice house you have an incredibly small kitchen,” said Butcher as he walked out with the bottle of your nicest bourbon.

“Oh come on, that was a housewarming present,” you said.

“I swipe you some more,” he said, taking a long swig. “How’s it going?”

“Good. We got close today but Butcher you seriously can not come back here again. Dean was this close to coming inside tonight.”

“Dean. I thought he was Solider Boy.”

“You know what I mean.”

“You want to wind up like his last broad did? You give him the puppy dog eyes and then we make a move,” he said.

“I’m starting to think we might get further with sugar over spice. Billy he wants to make up for his past. If he gets into The Seven he could be a serious asset.”

“Are you going soft on me?” he asked, an edge in his voice. 

“Let me work him the way I know best. Trust me,” you said.

“Don’t forget what this is for. You call when you’re ready,” he said. “Don’t take too long.”

He left out the back and you sighed, running your hands over your face. Sure, Dean had done some bad things in the past but who hadn’t? He wasn’t playing you, he had no reason to. The part of you that wanted revenge was still there but he didn’t cause your brother to die, not really. He was simply a prime target at the moment.

You swallowed and went to the kitchen, taking the bottle of alcohol to the family room. You sat on the couch and took a swig, letting it burn your throat.

You didn’t want him to get hurt. You liked him. A lot. Maybe you could convince him to go away, be someplace safer. Your head turned when you got a text, the alert saying it was from Dean and him asking you if you wanted to get out of the city and go hiking tomorrow.

Maybe that’d be a good time to tell him the truth. He was bound to find out eventually and if he got mad, at least you’d be the only one in danger. Billy’s voice was at the back of your head but you ignored it. He’d been angry for too long, couldn’t see the good in people anymore. Dean wasn’t what you thought he was at first. He was good deep down.

You’d tell Solider Boy the truth tomorrow and hoped you lived to see the next day.

______

A/N: Read the Final Part here!

[ateezmakemeweep]

wooyoung x jealous!reader

word count: 9k

angst (warning: infidelity)

request

you had always trusted your intuition. because while you weren’t very book smart, just getting by with b’s and c’s in most of your classes, you found it incredibly easy to read people. 

their eyes were always a dead giveaway. whether they were able to look you in the face or not, if they were twinged with happiness and amusement or tight with fear and apprehension. 

wooyoung’s eyes were the thing that first caught your attention, the older boy you’d seen so many times in the hallways or in the cafeteria laughing with his friends or looking around happily. but on this one particular day, he plopped down next to you during lunch and completely caught you off guard.

“hey,” he said casually, like this wasn’t the first time he’d ever spoken to you or acknowledged your existence. you looked at him warily, smiling in confusion as you waved at him hesitantly. 

“hi.”

“you’re cute,” he told you bluntly, smiling in a way you know should be getting your heart and stomach fluttering. but you couldn’t help but feel skeptical of the boy, raising your eyebrow at him in confusion. 

“okay...” you said, the smirk on his face at the hesitation in your voice far too handsome and charming. 

“usually, someone would say oh, thank you or you too,” he says, his eyes widening playfully as his eyebrows shoot up teasingly. but you don’t want any part in what he’s trying to offer you, knowing far too well an older boy like him wouldn’t want anything other than...fun with you. and that’s not something you can offer him. 

“i didn’t ask for the compliment,” you say, feeling yourself grow more defensive and snippy as he leans in closer to you. like he’s becoming more and more enticed at the way you dismiss him. “why are you even talking to me?” 

“why are you trying to not talk to me?” he counters, cocking his head to the side as his eyes pierce yours. it makes you unbearably nervous, how confident and sure he can stare at you without the slightest bit of hesitation. “i wanna get to know you.”

“why?”

his lips quirk to the side like he knows he doesn’t really have an answer for you that would make sense. just that anytime he’s seen you around school, he’s been intrigued by you. he likes that you seem just as comfortable alone as you do with other people, how you always make sure to throw out all your wrappers and that you take the same routes everyday. 

he can’t quite pinpoint it, he just likes something about you.

“because i have a feeling we’d be good for each other.”

and to this day, after nine months of dating, you still don’t know how he knew that. he had sat with you everyday that first month, getting to know you and watching you slowly open up to him. it had taken a bit longer than he initially thought but once it happened, you both saw he was right. 

you had a natural chemistry and banter that only certain people had, something innate within the both of you bringing you closer and closer. he had asked you on a date one friday afternoon, suggesting to wear something comfortable and that he’d pick you up at six. 

it had been the most chaotic first day of your life, a bizarre restaurant where you were blindfolded while you ate your meal followed by skating hand in hand at a roller rink. you both left with bruises littering your knees and hands, something very unsuspecting for a first date.

“i didn’t anticipate what a shit show that was gonna be,” he told you honestly when he dropped you home, walking you to your front door as you giggled; that was the best word to describe the evening. 

but it had also been one of the best nights of your life, his contagious laugh and smile only making you laugh harder and smile wider. and when he asked you to be his girlfriend at your doorstep, he only continued to make you the happiest girl alive.

you couldn’t believe he had spent his senior with you. took you to his prom and after-prom in the mountains, got you a ticket to his graduation and showed you off proudly to his family, took you to every party that his fellow classmates had and always made sure you felt comfortable and included. 

but you guys also talked about the elephant in the room, the fact that he’d be attending a college over an hour away while you stayed here to finish your last year of high school.

“what are we gonna do?” you asked one night, laid out on a blanket as you looked up at the sky. stargazing was something you guys had always done, doing it on a whim one night before it turned into a weekly date night activity. 

he rolled over and held himself up on his elbow, reaching out to smooth out your hair as he looked over your face. “what do you mean?” he asked softly. and when you turned to him with tears in your eyes, he immediately took you in his arms. 

“baby, what’s wrong?” he cooed. the night had been going fine, all smiles and laughs as you ate your incredibly unhealthy fast food under the night sky. 

“i don’t wanna break up,” you whimpered against him, your hands fisting his grey sweatshirt as you hid your face in his neck. he pressed a kiss to your head, bringing a hand to your back as he rubbed up and down soothingly. 

“who said anything about breaking up, my love?” he cooed, the term of endearment causing your stomach to swoop. he had just started calling you that after he told you he loved you a few weeks ago, remembering the way he looked at you so sweetly when he confessed those words.

“i-i just assumed you wouldn’t wanna be with your high school girlfriend in college,” you say quietly against him. “it would make sense, i guess, so i can’t say i blame you but-”

he brings your face to his as he places a firm kiss on your lips, melting into you as he palms your cheek softly. you kiss him back immediately, feeling your heart break at the thought of never being able to do this again. 

“i don’t know why you’re thinking like that,” he mumbles once he pulls back, running his hand through your hair before tucking the strands behind your ear. “but get those thoughts out of your head. i’m not breaking up with you, baby. in case you forgot, i just told you i loved you the other day.”

“i know but-”

“but what?” he asks with a smirk, pushing you down on your back and rubbing the stray tear off your cheek. “you think i just say shit to say it?”

“no, but-”

“then stop. i’ll tell everyone at college i have a high school girlfriend and they won’t have shit to say about it.”

you giggle softly at his tone and then even more when he tickles your sides, your screeching causing him to smile and bend down to kiss you again. it’s a night you think you’ll always remember, a night that really solidified your relationship and made you put 100% of your trust in him. 

it’s why now, as you help him move into his college dorm, you have not a single feeling of doubt or anxiety. you told each other you’re gonna alternate weekends, him driving to you or you driving to him on weekends you’re both free of school or sport obligations. 

his roommate mingi was a tall, intimidating boy who the second his mouth opened you took a liking too. he was bouncy and happy and loud and him and wooyoung got on a little too well. you were concerned about the wellbeing and ears of everyone in the dorm, seeing how playful and friendly the boys were with each other already.

you had left to go home with a parting kiss on your lips and his lowly mumbled “i’ll see you soon, baby,” in your ear, his words immediately sending excitement through you. because you hadn’t even left and you were already so eager to see him again. 

and for the first two months, everything had been great. you texted and facetimed everyday, he went to you and you went to him and he made you feel as welcomed at the college parties as he did at the old high school ones he’d take you too. 

but then your first inkling that something didn’t feel right was at a halloween get together at his friend’s frat house. hongjoong was the type of a guy you think most college girls longed for: attractive and alluring but extremely unattainable. wooyoung had introduced him as one of mingi’s best friends, the small group of men as nice as they were handsome. 

there had even been a few girls, all of them either friends or lovers of the boys, who welcomed you with open arms and took you under their wing. but then there was one girl who the second you met her, she rubbed you the wrong way. 

“lisa!” one of them said, grabbing a pretty girl with black hair and bringing her over to you. “this is y/n. wooyoung’s girlfriend!” 

“ahh this is the high school girl he always talks about,” she says excitedly, her voice high and nasally as she brings you in for a friendly, gentle hug. “nice to finally meet you.”

“you too,” you smile. “are you one of the guys girlfriends?” 

she smirks at your question and something about it unnerves you, the way her pretty lips pull up and her eyebrows raise causing you to cave in on yourself. 

“nope, no boyfriend for me,” she says. “but i’m hoping to find one....soon.” you watch her eyes travel toward wooyoung and his group of friends, you heart twinging with the slightest bit of insecurity and fear, before she looks back at you. “how long have you and woo been together?”

your eyes narrow at the nickname but you shake it off, smiling at her as you tell her it’ll be a year next month.

“aw, how exciting! that’s a long time for people so young.”

you choke out a laugh as you nod your head, watching her eyes filter over to wooyoung and his friends again. she really is one of the prettiest girls you’ve ever met, not seeing why anyone in that group wouldn’t jump at the chance to be with her. 

but then wooyoung turns around and his eyes light up upon seeing you, walking over and wrapping his arm around your waist. 

“hi, baby. i see you met, lisa.”

“yeah,” you say quietly, shyly smiling at him before lisa’s voice cuts in. “you didn’t tell me you guys have been together for a year!” 

“almost a year,” you mumble but it goes unheard as wooyoung tightens his hold on your waist. “yup,” he says, placing a kiss on the side of your head and you can’t help but press yourself into him. “it has been pretty long, right, y/n?”

you lick at your lips as you nod your head, something about his words making your stomach knot until he squeezes your waist affectionately. “i want you to meet someone, my friend yeosang just got here.” you’d heard a lot about that boy over these past few weeks, someone in a few of his classes who rivaled him in terms of sassy remarks. 

“okay,” you say softly, smiling up at him and he places a peck on your cheek. “it was nice meeting you, lisa.” she smiles at you in a way that seems forced, her mouth tight and eyes looking between you two with a cold, almost mocking expression; it’s hard to explain really, you just know you don’t like it. 

“you too, y/n, i hope we can hang out some other time.” you smile at her as you nod your head, wooyoung dismissing the girl with a “see ya, lisa,” as you make your way to the other room.

you don’t question wooyoung until later that night, your head on his chest as he absentmindley plays with your hair. “woo, how do you know lisa?” you blurt out, his nickname falling from your lips causing her voice to ring in your head.

“she’s friends with mingi and them,” he tells you lazily, his eyes closed as his fingers continue to rake through your hair. “think she’s also in my english class.” you take in the information and nod your head, your quiet “oh,” causing him to pop open one eye.

“why do you ask?” 

you shrug your shoulders as you turn to bury your face further into him, feeling his hand quickly pull you away so you can look at him. “y/n...” he says and you can’t help the way you let out a tiny sigh. you don’t know why it’s been bothering you all night, the way she kept looking his way and called him by that name, but it has. 

and now you’re looking like a stupid, insecure girlfriend the second you meet one of his female friends. (except you didn’t have a problem with the four others you had met, it was just her). 

“what?” you squeak quietly. he takes your face in his hands, thumbs softly rubbing at your cheeks as he looks down at you with soft eyes. soft and honest and sweet, the way they’ve always looked at you. 

“what’s wrong?” 

“nothing,” you insist, shaking your head as his warm hands cover your cheeks. “i just...she’s pretty.” the last two words are squeaky and fall flat, a tiny sigh leaving him as he brings your face in closer and pecks the tip of your nose. 

“so are you,” he says, his thumbs caressing your cheeks again as he looks at you. “you’re pretty and you’re mine,” he says, snaking his hand down to tickle at your stomach. you giggle and wriggle against him, your tiny squeals of his name and his deep chuckle settling the sinking feeling in your stomach. 

you’re just being insecure, you think, wooyoung had never given you a reason not to trust him. 

three weeks later, on your one year anniversary, wooyoung comes down from school and spends the day with you. he took to the same restaurant and rollerskating rink like he did so long ago, when you were shy and reserved and still a little confused as to why he wanted to spend time with you.

but this time was even better than the last, still chaotic and a bit of a mess but some much needed time with your boyfriend. because with his coursework picking up, you haven’t been able to talk with as much during the week. but now you’re back at your house, laid out in your bed with your head on his shoulder as you watch a movie; or at least try to. 

because ever since the horror started, his phone hadn’t stopped buzzing. he kept kissing your head in apology, taking it from your bedside table and typing out message after message; you didn’t say anything until he had gone back and forth ten times. 

“do you want me to pause it?” you asked, moving your head off of him and scooting over. he looked over after he sent the message, shaking his head before putting his phone face down on the table; you try not to feel uneasy.

“no, love, i’m sorry,” he says, throwing his arm back around you before tugging him in to you. “lisa just had a few questions about an english project due next week.” 

you feel yourself grow stiff at the mention of her name, the casual way in which he says it not settling you in the slightest. instead, it makes you remember just how unsettled her presence made you. how something about her words and eyes seemed disingenuous. and perhaps you still think it was your own insecurities but you’ve also never not trusted your instincts before. 

“oh.”

he looks over at the tone in your your voice, frowning ever so slightly before pulling you into him. “i’m sorry, babe, i promise i’ll pay attention now,” he says, nuzzling his face into your neck. you smile as his hair starts to tickle your neck, giggling when you feel his lips on your skin before you’re screeching his name when he gets you on your back.

“stop,” you whine playfully, despite the way your arms wrap around his shoulders. he looks at you and smiles, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. you hear the faint double vibration of his phone on your bedside table but you both ignore it, allowing his tongue to slip into your mouth as his hand rests on your waist. 

“love you, baby,” he hummed lowly when he pulled back, trailing his lips down to your neck before they go farther and farther until your mumbling your cries in the crook of your arm.

and because he loves you, he always understood you didn’t like to drink. you didn’t like the taste of it or the idea of not being in control of your body, settling for a coke or water at any party you went to. 

but a week before his semester was over, you drove up to visit and found yourself at another frat party. it was just as packed and loud as it was last time, the slightly overwhelming scent of alcohol and chattering of college kids making you uneasy. 

wooyoung and his friend’s made it easier, though, including you in the conversation when prompted and sitting with you as they waited for their turn at beer pong. “are you sure you don’t wanna play, love?” he asked you lowly, knelt between your knees as he looked up at you. 

“you know i don’t drink, wooyoung,” you said lowly, cheeks burning because you feel like a stupid little kid here. and he knows you don’t like these things in the first place so why would you wanna play? 

“i know but it’s just a game ba-”

“wooyoung! c’mon, i need a team member still,” lisa’s voice whined, smiling at you before her gaze trains on wooyoung. you narrow your eyes slightly, a sinking feeling deep within the pit of your stomach as you watch wooyoung nod his head at her. 

“i’ll be back, love, watch how quick i win,” he winks, raising up to place a peck on your lips before snaking over to the table. you watch with a small smile before it falls from your face, looking down to play with your fingers. you wanna play with him but the crowd and environment is too much, coupled in with the fact you’d be experiencing this firsthand in front of a bunch of seasoned college kids who will probably laugh at you. 

you look like you don’t belong here and you feel like it too. but wooyoung does, his handsome smile and infectious laugh just naturally bringing people in. an excited squeal leaves lisa when wooyoung’s ball lands right in the cup, his and her hand meeting in a high five that lingers just a little too long. 

you’re sitting there for twenty minutes, just watching pathetically as wooyoung and lisa land ball after ball. every time she gets in it, she’ll throw her arms up and her pretty long hair will swirl around gracefully. you have to resist the urge to roll your eyes, taking your phone out to distract yourself.

“hey,” you hear a voice say. your head pops up to see if they’re talking to you, the boy wooyoung introduced to you as yeosang looking down at you. he had described him as sassy and a bit of a blunt asshole but you hadn’t gotten that impression at all. he seemed sweet and kind, a soft-spoken voice with even softer eyes. 

“hi. yeosang, right?” 

“yeah,” he smiles, taking the seat next to you. there’s a few moments of silence and you look over again when lisa’s squeal pierces your ears. you take a sharp inhale, averting your eyes before you can see her and wooyoung celebrate together again. 

“why are you sitting here alone?” 

you peak at the boy looking thoughtfully at you and shrug, your lips quirking before you look back down at your hands. “just waiting for wooyoung to be finished,” you tell him. but then you hear someone say “rematch!” and your head snaps over, wooyoung smiling challengingly as he nods his head. 

his eyes graze over to you and they turn sympathetic, a frown on his face before he mouths “sorry,” before holding up one finger. you let out a sigh but nod your head, sending him a small smile that drops when his attention is pulled away by lisa. 

“you should tell him it bothers you,” you hear yeosang say, looking over at the boy with a wide eyed gaze. he says it so straight forwardly that it causes you to grown nervous, biting your lip before you open your mouth to speak. 

“what?”

he raises his eyebrow and you know he’s seeing through your lie. the lie that you’re not all bothered by being here and watching him play with another girl. a girl you’re almost positive has ill-intentions. and now you see where yeosang’s bluntness comes in. 

“that him and lisa make you uncomfortable,” yeosang tells you, looking over and seeing them smile at one another in victory. “because you’re worried, aren’t you?” 

it’s the first time it’s been verbalized and it makes your stomach squeeze painfully, sadness and anger and disappointment flooding through you. “should i be?” you squeak, since you know he sees you them a lot more than you. 

“i don’t know,” he says, the both of you looking over in time to see lisa smack wooyoung’s arm playfully as she throws her head back. “should you be?”

your conversation with yeosang rings your head for the rest of your time you’re there, wooyoung coming over after the eventual third game and taking you in his arms. “i’m so sorry, love, these pussies just wouldn’t accept losing,” he says loudly enough for mingi and another shorter boy to hear.

“it’s okay,” you say softly, begging him with your eyes to get out of here. and he must see it immediately because he takes your hand in his and pulls you up, snaking his arm around your waist tightly. “i’ll make it up to you, i promise,” he hums against your ear, “you wanna leave?” 

you nod against him as you smile shyly, pushing yourself further into him. wooyoung says his goodbyes to his friends, the girls you’d been talking to before waving at you and saying they hope to see you the next time you come up. all the girls but lisa, who snaked her way over with a frown on her face.

“you guys are leaving?” she whined, looking over you quickly before switching to wooyoung. “but what if i need other partner?” your boyfriend chuckles at the girl, tightening his hold on you when he feels you stiffen. 

“san’s pretty good, i’m just better,” wooyoung says before looking down at you. “little one wants to leave, though.” he says it lightheartedly but it makes your cheeks warm, like he’s talking about you as a little kid. 

“oh c’mon, y/n,” lisa says, her cold hand touching your arm playfully. “we were having fun.” you smile despite the rage coursing through you, shrugging your shoulders as you mumble out an excuse that you’re tired. 

“ah, right, i always forget you’re just a little high schooler,” she says, her voice snide and mocking like she knows that was one of your biggest insecurities. about you and wooyoung staying together. “you don’t like this kind of stuff, do you?” 

“i don’t like my boyfriend ignoring me, no,” you snap, lisa’s eyebrow raising as she looks between you and the boy staring at you in shock; you never snap like that and he hadn’t realized you felt that way. 

“yikes,” she mutters, her eyebrows shooting up sarcastically before looking at wooyoung comfortingly. “well i’ll see you guys soon, maybe,” she hums, might as well having said maybe, if you guys are still together come the spring semester. 

“what was that?” wooyoung asks when you get outside, your hands intertwined as you walk to his dorm.

“what was what?” you mumble, your eyes trained down on the street in front of you. you hadn’t meant to snap like that but you couldn’t help it, the whole night had been rubbing you the wrong way. 

“i wasn’t ignoring you, y/n, i was just preoccupied with the game. i asked you if you wanted to play.”

“when have i ever wanted to play drinking games, wooyoung?” you ask him, turning your head to look at him. “you know parties aren’t my thing.”

“then why’d you say it was okay to go?” he asks, the slightest hint of annoyance in his tone making you flare with anger. is he serious? he’s annoyed right now?

“because you wanted to go,” you say, eyebrows narrowed at him in confusion. “i wasn’t gonna ruin your last weekend here and say we shouldn’t go.”

“well i also don’t wanna fight with you my last weekend here, baby,” he says, smiling softly as his eyes roam over your face. he stops you both of you from walking and brings a hand to your hair, tucking it behind your ear gently. “we got through the first semester with no problems, love, let’s not ruin that, okay? i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to make you feel ignored.”

you let out a sigh at his voice, hating the way his soft tone and eyes can always make you feel relaxed. your eyes bore into his and he raises a brow, tapping the tip of your nose before leaning down to kiss it. “i’m sorry, babyyy,” he drags out, wrapping his hands around your waist and placing a peck on your neck. “don’t be mad at me.”

“i’m not mad at you,” you sigh out, not being able to help the smile on your face at his whining. and once he feels your body relax, it’s like he knows he’s clear. because he pops up and kisses you on the lips, his hand reaching up to cup your cheek. 

“let’s get home now, yeah? i want you sitting on my-”

“wooyoung!” you squeal, your hands flying up to your red cheeks as his loud giggle echoes through the street. 

you don’t know when exactly you felt the slight change between you and wooyoung. it might have been during christmas break, those six weeks of what was supposed to be bliss something of a reality shock. 

you thought spending everyday with him would be perfect, basking in the way you’d be able to do everything together again: go on dates and watch movies and have sleepovers so you could fall asleep next to him and wake to a kiss on your cheek. but instead, tensions began to form. 

it was almost unrecognizable at first, your dates still full of smiles and laughs but always ending short. “i’m sorry baby, my mom needs me to watch my brother,” he’d say, “i gotta wake up early tomorrow, me and the boys are gonna go to the gym in the morning.” 

but then when you guys actually were together, he’d seem distracted. absentmindley watching tv or playing games with you, his phone constantly vibrating as it lay face down on the table or bed. you’d ask him about and he always said it was probably seonghwa, jongho and yunho going crazy in the group chat. 

then the one night you caught a glimpse of him texting, you hadn’t even meant to. you just leaned over him to grab your glass on the table, pecking his cheek in the process and hearing him chuckle happily. but then your eyes caught the name lisa at the top of the screen and you nearly dropped the drink in your hand. 

“who are you texting?” you asked, holding your breath because if he lies, you know your heart’s gonna crumble right here. 

“lisa,” he says and, while you’re grateful he doesn’t lie, it doesn’t seem to lessen the blow. “she’s registering late for classes so she was just asking me which ones i’m taking.”

“oh,” you squeak out, bringing the cup to your lips so you don’t blurt out something you can’t take back. you swallow it down as you watch a smirk cross his face, typing out a message before he puts his phone back down. 

“you good?” he asks, turning to look at you watching him. you nod your head and place it back on the table, the phone buzzing again. 

“do you text a lot?” you blurt out.

you watch his expression soften and he pulls you into him, his arm around your shoulder as he holds you tightly. “baby...” he says. 

“what?” you squeak, feeling your cheeks grow warm. you hate that you feel this way, insecurity and doubt in him and your relationship laying heavy on your heart. but you have to imagine if you were texting another boy that wasn’t him, he wouldn’t like it. but you also don’t know, you never put him in the position to feel that way before.

“we’re just friends,” he says and you bite the inside of your cheek so you don’t scream; you hadn’t said anything like that so why is he telling you that? “she only texted me for the schedule, love.”

you look up to meet his gaze and see a frown on his lips, his eyes trailing over every part of your face. “do you trust me?” he then asks suddenly, seeing all of the doubt and hesitation over your face. you immediately nod your head, feeling tears burn the back of your eyes at the idea of starting a fight. 

“then why does it seem like you don’t?”

and you don’t think much of this comment at the time, simply telling him all of your concerns about her being pretty and fun at parties and maybe being a better fit for him. 

but in retrospect, when you’ll look back at this moment, you’ll realize just how manipulative he was. how this was the moment wooyoung looked you in the face and told you that he didn’t care about any of that, that he loved you and only you and that as long as you were his, he’d never look at another girl. 

that he let you think for two more months that your intuition was wrong, that you were just an insecure girl not capable of trusting her perfect boyfriend. but he wasn’t a perfect boyfriend, you were coming to discover, especially when you sat alone in a restaurant near his school for your belated valentine’s day dinner.

he told you to come up that weekend so you could celebrate the holiday, saying just to meet him at a cute little cafe he’d been wanting to take you to. you arrived on time and waited in your car, looking around the area for his familiar face or figure. but after ten minutes, you shrugged it off and decided to get you guys a table. 

but you sat there for almost forty minutes now, texts and calls going unanswered by him. workers and other customers were starting to notice you get more anxious, looking at you with sympathy in their gazes like you’d gotten stood up on a first date. 

but this was your boyfriend of over a year, for your valentine’s day date, with a last minute gift you made for him weighing down your purse. feeling stupid and embarrassed, you shot up from your seat and charged back out to your car to drive to his dorm. 

you walked the familiar path to his room and banged on the door, mingi’s face falling slightly when he sees the expression on your face. “hey, y/n,” he says, his voicer louder than usual. “what are you doing here?”

but sick of being meek and polite all the time, you push your way through and are hit with the stench of the small room courtesy of lisa, wooyoung and san passing a joint as they sit on his bed. four other people are also spread out on mingi’s and the dusty floor, looking up at you and nodding their heads at you; you’ve never seen them before. 

wooyoung’s eyes widen the second he sees you, realization swarming in his face before he shoots up from his position.

“oh shit. hey, babe.”

you narrow your eyes at him, looking at the other people and seeing lisa staring right into you before you let out a humorless laugh, shaking your head and turning right around. 

“y/n, wait,” wooyoung says, but you’re already out of the room before he can say anything else. angry tears sting your eyes as you stomp down the hall, footsteps behind you following quickly. 

“y/n,” your boyfriend’s voice says again, tone begging and desperate for you to stop. but you only walk faster, walk as fast as you can to the door and push it open until the cold hair hits your face. 

“y/n,” he says firmly one last time, grabbing you by the arm firmly but gently. 

it fills you with so much rage, ripping it from his hold and spinning around to look at him. he has the balls to look sympathetic and upset, like he wasn’t getting high with random people, with lisa, while you were waiting for him on the date he planned.

“what?” you snap, looking at him and narrowing your eyes when he only looks at you taken back. “what wooyoung? what? you wouldn’t stop calling my name and now you don’t have anything to say?”

“i’m sorry,” he breathes out, stepping forward to put his arms around you but you step back and shake your head. hurt crosses his face and you wanna slap it off, thinking he has no right to be upset right now. 

“why were you- i was waiting for you,” you tell him bluntly, voice strong despite how weak and defeated you feel. you know things have been rocky these past few months, missing each other’s phone calls and elapsed silences when you do see each other but missing a date? 

“i know, baby, and i’m so sorry but i got distracted and didn’t notice the time and-”

“you’re the one who planned it wooyoung!” you yelp, “you got me excited thinking you actually wanted to see me and you left me waiting there for forty minutes.”

“i did wanna see you,” he says, stepping forward and grabbing you before you can move again. “i do wanna see you. i’m sorry. mingi’s friend’s came and we lost track of time.”

you press your lips into a tight line, wanting so badly to scream at him some more. these are all lousy excuses, they sound like bullshit to your and probably his own ears. if he didn’t wanna hang out with you, he could’ve just told you and saved you the-

his arms wrapping around you in a hug cause your thoughts to stop, arms shooting up as you consider pushing him away. but then his face falls into the crook of your neck and he tightens his hold on you, his mumbles of apologies and sweet nothings softening you slightly. 

“why were you smoking?” you ask. you didn’t have a problem with him drinking or smoking, you just had no idea he did that now. you feel like you don’t know anything about him anymore. 

“san brought it,” he says, pulling back and bringing his hand to your face. he caresses your cheek gently and a tiny frown covers his mouth, feeling a pang of guilt and hurt in his heart. “i really am sorry, love. i didn’t mean to forget and i’ve been so excited to see you. the time just got away from me.”

you purse your lips to the side in contemplation, looking up at him and shaking your head when, after a few silent moments, he smiles cutely at you. “i got you gift, too.”

you shake your head as you look at him, allowing yourself to move closer to him as he pulls you into his body. you’ve missed being like this with him, accepting the comfort and warmth and happiness he brings you. 

“i did too,” you tell him, “even though i should make you wait.” 

you know a pout is on his face before the whine leaves him, squeezing at your ticklish sides and making you spring away from him. “not fair!” you yelp. and then the teasing, borderline sadistic smile he gives you causes you to back up even more, speeding off in the direction of your car as he follows behind you. 

you struggle to walk with his arms wrapped around your waist, the both of you giggling as you fumble to your car. a small voice in the back of your head is telling him you let him off too easy, that you’re stupid to not have asked more questions and to listen to the pit in your stomach telling you something’s wrong. 

but you’re happy about the fact that you guys are good right now, that he’s smiling over at you with the softness is his eyes that remind you so much of the time you guys first started dating.

when you heard one monday that school would be closed on friday for testing, you immediately got the idea to surprise your boyfriend. you hadn’t been able to go up last week due to a family party and had really missed seeing him, his face on the camera of your phone not being enough to dull the ache in your chest. 

so when friday morning came, so did your overwhelming excitement. you jumped in your car and drove to his college happily, knowing he didn’t have class until later in the day and hoping you’d be able to just lay in his arms for a few peaceful hours. 

you stopped to get two coffees before you pulled into the parking lot, making your way into his building and down to his dorm. you do your best to knock on the door with your hip, surprised when it actually pushes open slightly. you hum happily, securing the two coffee cups in your hand before you open the door further.

“surprise!” you say teasingly, the happy smile on your face falling off immediately. because the surprise was actually for you, a shirtless lisa straddling your boyfriend’s lap as they kiss so naturally it makes you wanna puke.

you almost don’t believe what you’re looking at, the coffees falling from your hands and splattering on the floor. this isn’t real, there’s no way he would do that. he wouldn’t cheat on you, that’s not what your boyfriend wooyoung would ever do. 

but in the way your heart is pounding rapidly and threatening to break, the way lisa’s head snaps away from wooyoung’s and looks at you in shock, your boyfriend’s eyes widening before he pushes lisa off to the side, you know he did it. he very well had lied and cheated and completely betrayed you. 

“y/n, it’s-”

“not what i think?” you ask, voice eerily calm and even despite the chaos inside your body. 

“it’s actually exactly what you think,” lisa’s snide voice says and the hatred that courses through you, you don’t think you’ve ever felt before. you wish you hadn’t dropped the coffees so you could’ve thrown it in her smug face. 

“shut the fuck up, lisa,” wooyoung’s voice says, deep and low with an uncharacteristic growl in it before he makes his way over to you; it’s such a familiar scene, him moving toward you as you back away. except this time, you know you’re not forgiving him and the pain in your chest is ten time worse. 

“baby, i-”

“don’t call me that,” you say, voice raising but still strong and even as you continue to walk backwards.

“okay, okay, just let me explain-”

“it doesn’t matter,” you say, shaking your head as you look at him with tears building in your eyes. you don’t wanna cry and scream and give the smirking girl looking at you the satisfaction of watching you have a breakdown. but you also can’t control the tears, watching him look at you with sadness and sympathy swarming in his eyes. 

you thought you knew them so well and yet, he’d been lying to you the whole fucking time. 

“it does, y/n, i have to tell you-”

“how long?” you ask. you don’t know why you ask, you don’t wanna know. but you can’t help it, the kiss looked far too natural and familiar to be something that happened in the heat of the moment. 

“baby-”

and you can’t even help it when you stomp toward him and slap him across the face, your palm stinging as you his head snaps to the side. “i said to not fucking call me that,” you scream, wishing you could slap and punch and hit him over and over again for what he’s put you through these past few months. “now tell me. how long.”

and the coward that he is, with a red slap mark on his cheek, he shakes his head and looks at the coffee covered floor. you debate kicking him in the shin, just because you can and just because you have so many emotions swirling in you, before lisa’s voice pierces the air again. 

“last day before christmas break,” she tells you, her shirt back on as she lays back in his bed like she belongs there. “i kissed him and he kissed me back.” you look at her and are half tempted to go and slap her as well, a humorless laugh leaving you. it sounds manic and unhinged, like you have two minutes before you completely absorb what’s happening and have a breakdown, but you can’t stop yourself from shaking your head.

“why do you sound so proud?” you ask her, voice shaking and threatening to break. “you knew he was with me. you knew he had a girlfriend. why did you always-” your voice breaks and you have to stop talking, holding in the tears and screams wanting to leave you so badly. 

“i told you,” she says, cocking her head to the side as she looks at you. “i was hoping to find a boyfriend.”

“you didn’t find one,” wooyoung snaps, looking over her with disgust and rage in his eyes. “we were only-”

“hooking up?” lisa says, looking at him with a smirk before a melodic laugh leaves her mouth. “yeah, that sounds a lot better for your case, woo.” her eyes travel back to yours and she can only shrug her shoulders carelessly. “sorry but i saw him and wanted him. wish i had a better explanation for you.”

you bite the inside of your cheek and you think you’re probably drawing blood but you only nod your head, looking between her and wooyoung one last time. “well you have him now,” you say quietly, voice teary and breaking but it doesn’t even matter anymore. “enjoy.”

and like the dramatic exit any girl makes after she finds out she’s being cheated on, you turn around and slam the door before walking back outside. you feel the wet tears streaming down your face but only sniffle, wiping at your cheeks before the cold air finally hits them.

and that’s when you allow yourself to let out the first whimper, shaking your head as the tears start flowing because you can’t believe that just happened. you knew things had been rough and you knew you didn’t trust her so it’s not even like you can say you were surprised that she had gotten to him.

but that’s exactly the point. she had gotten to him, it was his duty to tell her to leave him alone and to stop talking to him and that he had a girlfriend he claimed to love. but now you have to get yourself together and drive home and wipe away every reminder in your room of-

“y/n, please,” you hear wooyoung say, his dejected form standing just outside the dorm building. you turn and his face crumbles when he sees you’re crying but really what the fuck does he expect? “please, please hear me out and if you never wanna see me again-”

“i already know i never wanna see you again,” you say, your voice back to being quiet and timid because you can’t take crying. you hate it and you hate that he did this. “so just go back inside, wooyoung.”

“no. not until you hear me out.”

and that sends another whole wave of emotions through you, mostly anger and rage as you stomp toward him and push him backward with all the strength you could muster. 

“go fuck yourself, i don’t have to hear out anything from you. you’ve been cheating on me wooyoung. for three months. do you not fucking realize what you’ve done?”

“of course i do, y/n,” he says and you see tears welling up in his eyes now but you can’t find yourself to care. “i knew it was a mistake and i tried to break it off so many times but then-”

“you knew how i felt,” you say and now your voice holds no anger or strength. it’s just purely devastated and broken and shaky. “you knew i didn’t trust her and that i was insecure and you just kept telling me i never had anything to-” a sob leaves your mouth and you shake your head, backing away from him. 

he already knows this, he heard this from you and lived with it for all of these months. he knew it before he started and while he did it, telling you that you trusted and loved each other, that you were his and he was yours and everything was gonna be okay. 

“you’re such a fucking asshole,” you cry and a tear rolls down his cheek as he steps closer to you. “y/n.”

“i’m never gonna trust anyone ever again. do you fucking realize that, wooyoung?” you cry, his voice ringing in your head from january, when now you know he had already been with her, asking why you didn’t trust him. “you were with her and turned it around on me and asked why i didn’t trust you.”

he only starts to cry more as you piece together his lies and disgusting behavior, his gut wrenching and heart pounding the more this plays out. 

“i’m sorry,” he says shakily, moving closer to you and taking your hands in his. “i’m sorry, y/n. please. please forgive me just this once and i promise i’ll-”

“you’re not seriously doing this right now,” you snap, eyes shooting up to his tearful ones and looking at him in outrage. 

“i need you, baby, i love you and i fucked up but please, you can’t-”

“get away from me,” you say, attempting to rip your hands from his grasp. but he only tightens them and brings you closer to him.

“if you just listen to me, maybe you’ll-”

“stop,” you say, struggling to pull your hands free. you need to get away from him. you can’t hear him sound this pathetic and sad and begging. 

“no. i need you to fucking hear me out and-”

“let go of me,” you say through clenched teeth, hot wet tears burning your eyes and running down your face; he’s making this a lot more dramatic and heartbreaking than it already is. but then he pulls you into him and wraps you in a hug and you’re so close to kneeing him between the legs. 

his buries his head in the crook of your neck and holds you like his life depends on it, like his life just crashed down as he realized what the fuck he’s been doing for these past few months.

but you’ve realized for these past few months that things were different, that an awful strain was happening between you two and there was gonna be a sad ending no matter what.

so you push him away again with all the strength you have left and take a few steps backwards. “you lied to me, wooyoung. you lied to me and betrayed my trust and cheated on me with someone i told you i didn’t trust.” 

“y/n, i know but-”

“i never wanna see you again. or talk to you again. do you understand me?” 

“y/n...” tears are in his eyes and streaming down his cheeks and you’ve never seen him look so broken and fucked up before. but you’ve never felt this broken and fucked up before either, feeling like you’re about to collapse from the emotional havoc within you. 

“we’re done, wooyoung,” you say, with a tone of finality and strength you can’t believe you have right now. but you also have to get one more dig in because you think you have the right to after all of this. “go back to lisa, now.”

you walk to your car and feel relieved when he doesn’t follow you, slamming your car door and locking it before you allow yourself to really cry. sobbing uncontrollably into your hands, to the point where it’s hard to breathe and you don’t think you’re ever gonna remember how to breathe again. 

a tapping at your window has you jumping, getting ready to take off in reverse if it’s wooyoung begging for a second chance. but your teary eyes widen when you see his roommate mingi, looking at you with sad eyes. you swallow down the lump in your throat and get out of the car hesitantly, looking around to see if wooyoung was lurking.

you don’t say anything when you get out but mingi doesn’t say anything either. he just takes in your red eyes and teary, puffy face as the sounds of your sobs ring in his head over and over. sobs he feels at fault for, too.

“you found out?”

and even though you were already so broken and upset, those words somehow completely shatter you. your head snaps up and mingi’s face turns even more guilty and sad. you thought you and mingi were friends, always hanging out in the dorm with wooyoung and really coming to like the banter you three had. 

but that question really makes it seem as if...

“you knew?” 

he bites at his lip and doesn’t make a move, but the look in his eyes gives you all the confirmation you need. the way they look at you so apologetically and with pity, before they start roaming ever part of your face but your eyes. 

another choked, broken laugh leaves your mouth and you just turn around to get back in your car. but mingi’s big hand takes the top of the door and stops it, his deep “wait,” causing you to snap around.

“why?” you snap, “you fucking knew and you didn’t tell me, mingi!”

“he’s one of my best friends and my roommate, y/n, what i was supposed to-”

“and who am i?” you scream, because you’ve taken just about all you can today. “i thought we were friends too, mingi.” his soft, sympathetic eyes roam over your face and his giant frame deflates, biting down on his lower lip hesitantly. 

“i only found out last month,” he tells you honestly, “and he told me he was gonna stop.”

“oh, so what, he cheats on me in secret for a few months and everyone keeps me in the dark like a fucking idiot?” 

mingi looks down at hearing the brokenness and anger in your voice, his lack of a response or justification the only appropriate thing about this moment. because it doesn’t matter, none of this matters anymore and you just wanna drive home and forget about all of this. 

“it doesn’t even matter, mingi,” you say, taking his hand off your car door before dropping it in the air. “it’s over now. we’re done and they can be happy now.”

“he loves you, y/n,” the boy says quietly, like that’s supposed to make you feel better and run back into wooyoung’s arms. but you only laugh and shake your head, closing the door in his face before starting up your car. 

because if that’s love, you hope to never be loved again. it made you go against your intuition and doubt yourself and allowed you to stay with someone who just ended up lying to you and hurting you.

(part 2)

[catchmewiddershins]

Haikyuu Hugs pt 2:

AOBA JOHSAI:

Oikawa Tooru: 

Really affectionate and clingy, will beg you for hugs with NO. SHAME.

He’s definitely a running fingers through hair and burying his face in your clothes, hair, back, shoulders etc kind of guy

So many little kisses!

He’s the sort of hugger who picks you up; he either lifts you so that you can wrap your legs around his waist or he’ll place you on a table or countertop, especially if you’re a lot shorter than him, just so you can be at equal level

Also likes to rest his chin on top of your head and hug you from behind while you’re working or doing something else (washing up, cooking, etc)

Might grab your butt if he’s feeling particularly teasing, but definitely won’t if the hug is just so you can hold each other

Likes to do fairy kisses (idk what they’re called, this is just what my family calls them) when he flutters his eyelashes against your cheek, it makes you both giggle

Will fall asleep while laying across your stomach

Likes to hug you when wearing an enormous fluffy dressing gown, he’ll wrap you in it and snuggle

Has leapt into your arms at some point for a hug... you dropped him. He’s not going to stop trying though!

Lightheartedness aside, he knows to come to you for cuddles or hugs when he’s feeling down, you’ve often had hug sessions when he feels inadequate as a setter, or if he’s feeling insecure

Pouts when he wants hugs

Iwaizumi Hajime:

Wraps you in his big, muscley arms (the dream of many of us, I’m sure)

This man is SUCH a secure hugger, it’s amazing, he just folds you into his embrace and you never want to let go

Warm hugs and tight hugs, like a comfy straight jacket

He always knows when you want to let go... it is rare that you want to

The kind of hug that’s like instant stress relief, side effects include:

Falling asleep

Dozing

Relaxing all of the muscles you didn’t know were tensed

Bursting into tears because you’re actually really stressed or worried and the hug was just the trigger for you to let it all out

He likes to give you massages, all you have to do is curl up on the sofa with him to watch television or read or anything and he’ll lean against the side, place you in front on him, all stretched out across the length of the cushions, and just massage your back, neck and shoulders (you don’t know what you’d do without him)

His hugs are so warm that you just hug him as a replacement for a jumper or hot water bottle... sometimes you just don’t turn the heating on. Really. His skin is a radiator!

Unconscious squeezes

Squeezes in general, he’ll squeeze your waist or shoulder walking past, pull you to his side and give you a squeeze, sit with you and just give you a quick squeeze, it’s adorable

You know he wants a hug because he gets slightly clingy but won’t admit it to your face

Sometimes huffs playfully or teases you when hugging you, you know he loves you though

(Seriously though this boy’s muscles are perfect huggers)

Matsukawa Issei:

Tall boy hugs (I mean, depending on what you think is tall - he’s 6′2″ that is enormous to me)

This guy actually really likes jokes so you bet he’ll hug you and then absolutely WREAK the atmosphere by whispering the cheesiest jokes into your ears

You: Yay warm hug time! ~ Mattsun: what does a cheese say when it looks in the mirror? Halloumi!

Easygoing hugs, pretty casual... he uses you as an armrest at random moments

He likes to hug you from behind as well, sneaking up and putting his head on yours, long arms draped over your shoulders

Likes to tell you about all of the stupid stuff Oikawa did throughout the day while you snuggle

Back of the neck kisser 

Hanamaki Takahiro:

If you compliment his hugs, he will either awkwardly blush and go weird or be super cool and suave but be dying inside... no in-betweens

He’s a lot calmer than his fellow teammates and so, if you’re really tired and stressed, he is definitely the go-to person to hug

He will stand there and hold you for a while, perfectly still, so you can listen to his heartbeat

Has a habit of sitting on tables, he’ll lift himself onto one and ask you sit with him and then he’ll pull you to his side and urge you to tell him about your day

Lukewarm hugs... not cold but not warm either... if tepid water was a hug

He likes it if you kiss the top of his head

Yahaba Shigeru:

This may seems surprising to some, but Yahaba is BIG on PDA

He loves to show you, and your relationship, off to others, be it teammates, other teams or even random strangers

How does he do this you ask? He’ll walk up to you (literally even mid-conversation) and hug you. Not a casual sidelean, not a sweet little waist or shoulder squeeze, no no, the WHOLE NINE YARDS! One moment you’re talking to a friend and the next thing you know, he’s behind you, yanking you to his chest and squeezing the life out of you

Sometimes, if he’s being clingy, he’ll turn you around so you’re facing him

He would turn you around more but you told him not to because it’s rude if you’re talking to someone

You two always walk with an arm around each other’s waist

When it’s just the two of you, he’s a lot calmer, very much into forehead kisses while hugging you, your hands resting lightly on his chest

He actually really likes it when you fiddle with his hair, you tend to twist that curl at the front around your fingers

If you’re ever down on yourself, he snaps and forcefully grabs you into the tightest and most aggressively loving hug of your LIFE

Watari Shinji:

Watari is very gentle and encouraging, and that shows through his hugs

As a libero he’s very perceptive, learning exactly where the ball is going to go and having to devise how to receive it

Therefore, that skill bled into his relationships, and he can tell immediately when something has you upset or worried

His solution? Cuddles!

The two of you like to cuddle sitting down, leaning against each other, you sitting on his lap, blankets, stretched out over one another, everything

He has a habit of tapping out little rhythms on whatever body part of yours is closest to him

Face nuzzles

You like patting his head because his hair is fun to touch

But really, if he sees you’re sad, he’ll take your hand and gently lead you somewhere, sitting you down and just pulling you into a warm embrace where you eventually spill everything that’s bothering you

Sometimes his perceptiveness is unnerving, it seems he knows how you feel before you do (happened to me today... weird experience) but that just means that the two of you love away those nasty feelings before they even take root

Kyoutani Kentarou:

MAD DOG! TIGHT HUGS!

I do sort of think that he can give soft hugs too but they are special, you know... reserved for mental breakdowns

He’s pretty aggressive but he’s DEFINITELY not a bad person - he will hug you if you want it!

His hugs, as aforementioned, are tight! as! his steely arm muscles! 

He will drag you to him and crush you against his chest, you both just squeeze each other like your lives depend on it

He is especially like that after matches, you run over to congratulate him and he just grabs you, hugs you and then throws you into the air

When you’re together, he is softer

You fiddle with each other’s fingers and he often crosses his legs before plonking you in his lap and possessively curling around you, arms circling your waist and squeezing, chin in the crook between your neck and collarbone

Sometimes he likes to smother you with kisses while holding your back to his chest... just *kisskisskisskiss* at the speed of light, crook of neck, elbow, head, face, stomach just aggressive fast kisses and you love it because it tickles and he always blushes a lot after doing it

If you ask for a hug he might make a sort of growly huff noise and ‘reluctantly’ side hug you (he loves it really) 

He likes to completely relax and flop over the sofa, taking up the entire length with his feet dangling off of the end and let you lie on top, falling asleep to the rumble of his chest while he strokes your hair and watches TV

Kindaichi Yuutarou: 

Kindaichi the sweetheart is very soft and so are his hugs

He is also a tall boy, a very tall boy, so you often just hug while facing each other

He likes to pat your head, back or hands gently while hugging you

Sometimes he says little sweet things so you’ll be hugging and he’ll just say quietly that you look very nice that day and then blush extremely hard

He rests his head in your lap while you’re doing something and he’s lying down

When he does this, you like to squish his hair flat to see how it looks, he doesn’t understand that he looks like an onion

He gives very warm hugs too, very good very nice

Sometimes he hunches over to bury his face in your shoulder, he does this for two reasons

It’s either because he loves how you smell and just loves how comfy your shoulders are

The other option is that he’s beating himself up over what happened between him and Kageyama, thinking that, since Hinata is able to hit the ‘king’s toss’ that it wasn’t Kageyama’s fault for being too demanding but his for just being a useless player

Your hugs always cheer him up when he feels like that

The reverse is also very possible, feel sad? Hug Kindaichi, you’ll cheer up!

You two are definitely snugglers and pyjama people, lots of late night movies that end in falling asleep on each other

Kunimi Akira:

So Kunimi is lean and therefore pretty skinny

That in no way means that he isn’t a good hugger

You two don’t hug that often and definitely not around other people

He is the ✨epitome✨ of lazy hugs, think of him like a boneless rubber chicken, he just droops onto you, arms dangling and long legs and torso melting onto you, whatever position you’re in (usually hunched over working)

He also is the master the casual arm sling around your hips, and the elbow on head

When you two actually hug properly, standing, he doesn’t pull you in or have his arms tight, he just has his fingers loosely interlocked, hands resting just above your butt while your have your arms looped around his neck, his head in your hair

Falls asleep on you a lot, you’ll be leaning on each other and, next thing you know, he’s dropped right off to sleep 

Soft snores 🥺

He nuzzles into your stomach unconsciously while he’s sleeping

Literally any time he’s tired, he’ll trudge over to you and lay his head on yours, sighing

BONUS:

Idk why I put him with Seijoh but I can’t be bothered to write for his entire team

Hyakuzawa Yuudai: 

VERY VERY VERY TALL BOY! VERY TALL! VERY! I JUST ABOUT COME UP TO THIS MAN’S STERNUM!

So his height makes him an optimal hugger, you can take so much comfort in the safety he makes you feel

And guess what? He’s also a very sweet guy so EXTRA SPECIAL

I honestly love him, he’s very soft-spoken and calm, he likes to whisper little endearments to you while you hug

His favourite thing is when you stand on a stool, chair or table in order to be at equal height (or near enough) with him so you can look into each other’s eyes when you hug

He sometimes just picks you up instead

He’s also very respectful and polite so you better believe that he always makes sure that you’ve had a good day and hugs you in whatever way you need

If you’re sitting down, he just w r a p s his very long legs around you and you sit in his lap, reading, watching something, drawing, playing a game or whatever, his arms are around you and in front so you can do things together

[sugarbooger513]

Holding On (Chapter One)

I love writing OCs so much. This is the beginning to a fun JJK fic I had some ideas for. It will include spoilers and end up straying from the canon story. Please beware of that. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do <3

Mara belongs to @katgalle

Warnings: soft Gojo, mentions of guns, Gojo being... well, Gojo.

How long had it been exactly? Nine, maybe ten years? Nova blinks slowly before closing her eyes. It hadn't exactly hit her that she was back where she grew up. Maybe Tokyo hasn't changed much.

Sadly, she had changed a lot from that day.

She can still remember the laughter they would share. The simplest things would send them both into fits of hysteria. She hasn't looked at stupid cat videos the same since her second year of high school.

"Nova? Are you asleep?" "If you thought I was asleep," Nova sighs softly, "why would you ask?" When she peeks her eyes open, Mara smiles sweetly. "Ah, just thought I would be a bit polite. How are you feeling about moving back?" Nova's nose scrunches slightly. "It hasn't hit me yet."

Nova knows that Mara can read her better than she lets on. It's the curse of being twins.

"What about you? We've been in Osaka quite a while now." "Well, I can't say I'll miss it. I don't care where we go. It's just nice still being beside you." Nova can't help but smile softly. Truly, Mara has been there when she had no obligation to be.

When Nova's phone rings, she answers it with a sigh. "We should be pulling into the stop within the next ten minutes or so, Aunt Cammie." "Oh, good! I can't wait to see you two again!"

That's one of two reasons Nova can think it's a good thing to move back home. Aunt Cammie gave up her entire life to move to Japan in order to raise the twins. She could have allowed them to go into foster care, but she didn't. She could have forced them to move back to America with her and leave behind everything they ever knew, but she didn't.

Shortly before the twins went into high school, both of their parents were killed by a special grade curse. The worst part was that their mother wasn't even a Jujutsu sorcerer. She just happened to be around their father when it attacked.

"We'll see you in a few. Love you." "Love you too, sweet pea." When she lowers her phone, Mara places a gentle hand on her sister's shoulder. "She's been texting me non stop since we got on the bus." "Yeah, I kinda figured she would. She's excited to have us home."

"You called it home, Nova." "I'm trying to get over what happened. I really am. It just hurts." Mara leans over, resting her head comfortably on her twin's shoulder. "You're allowed to grieve as long as you need to, sis."

They stay quiet for the rest of the bus ride, casually leaning against one another. When it finally comes to a stop, the first thing they see from the window is their Aunt's flaming red hair, which both of them somehow inherited.

Mara races off the bus, grabbing her suitcases on the way, while Nova takes her time making sure everything was taken off the bus. Before walking off, she leaves the driver a tip.

"Nova!" Aunt Cammie engulfs her niece in a tight hug full of love. Nova drops her bags so she can return it. "I missed you girls so much. It's been so long." "I now, Aunt Cammie, but we're here now." She places both of her hands on Nova's face to stare lovingly into the eyes that match her dear sister's.

"You both still look so much like your mother." "Somehow we got your fiery hair though." Mara giggles and makes a point by swishing her flaming red hair around. Aunt Cammie gives both girls a kiss on the cheek before she starts helping them load her car.

"Your rooms are set up just like they used to be, right next to each other. I put some new sheets and blankets on the beds, new carpets are in the rooms, and- " "Aunt Cammie," Nova stops her aunt's ranting, "we still plan on getting out own place. For Christ's sake, we're twenty-seven."

Cammie's smile makes both girls feel a bit lighter. "I know, baby. I don't expect you two to stay long, but I want you to know that you will always have a home with me. I don't care what age you are."

Mara spends the entire ride singing her head off with Aunt Cammie in the front. Nova's phone starts exploding with texts from her second reason for coming back.

'I can't believe you're back! We have to catch up ASAP! Coffee later?' 'I didn't take you as a coffee person, but that sounds amazing.' 'Really, I'm not. The shit makes me feel like some old geezer, but I remember how you would get some every morning before school. Is your sister going to hang out with us?' 'Maybe? It'll depend on how well she can compose herself. I'm not sure how much she knows about you now.'

"We're home! Nova, what are you doing?" "Just texting a friend. He wants to hang out today, so we're making plans." Aunt Cammie grins like the she-devil she can be. "Really? I'm so glad!"

Mara had already made her way out of the car to start unpacking, so Nova does her best to catch up, but the twin is just too excited to be back home and races ahead of her into the house. "Well," Cammie rubs the back of her neck, "that probably isn't good." "What did you do?"

"Uhh, well, your friend had texted me this morning and asked if he could hide out here so he could greet you as soon as you got back.." Nova's eyes widen in shock. "It.. wouldn't happen to be the friend from high school, would it?" Cammie laughs a bit awkwardly. "The white haired boy.. that Mara always had that massive crush on..?" Nova drops her bags and races into the house without another thought.

Once she makes it inside, she sees Mara staring, slightly confused as the tall man towers beside her. "Why are you in my aunt's house, dude?" "Huh, you aren't running from me? Does that mean you're over that high school crush?" To Nova's own surprise, Mara only tilts her head. "Who are you again?"

The sound of that question is enough to make Nova let out a snort of laughter. The sound catches Gojo's attention, and he smiles brightly. "There's the woman I wanted to see." Gojo slips past Mara with a soft pat on the head.

Nova doesn't really expect Gojo to hug her, but he puts his infinity down just to wrap his long arms around her. Her head rests just below his shoulders. "Gojo," she laughs and places her arms around his lanky body, "I've missed you so much." "I've missed you, too. I see you haven't gotten any taller." "And I see you've grown even more, fucking string bean." He lets out a small chuckle as he pulls away from her.

"Sorry about the surprise. I just wanted to see you." "No, I appreciate it a lot. It's nice knowing you still care." Gojo's gorgeous blue eyes seem to sparkle behind his sunglasses. "Of course I do. Keeping in touch for nine years would make most people bored out of their minds, but I'm not like any other person."

Despite him trying to be cocky, he has a point. Anyone else she went to school with stopped talking to her less than a year after she moved. While they didn't talk daily, Gojo always sent her random texts throughout the week.

"I know, Gojo. Trust me," she walks forward and lays her head back on him, "I know. I'm so glad to have you back." His long fingers rake through her red curls effortlessly. "I'm right here, Nova. I'll be here as long as you need me to be."

"I didn't get to say good morning to you, Satoru! It's nice to see you again." Gojo chuckles and gives aunt Cammie a quick hug. "I should visit more often, work just keeps me away." "Well," she smacks his arm softly, "I hope Nova will entice you to come over more." "Of course, Aunt Cammie."

"Nova, love," Gojo leans to whisper in her ear, "tell Mara to put the gun away." "Mara! You know Gojo!" Mara scoffs slightly. "Can't believe I didn't recognize him. Sorry, I don't well to men showing up form nowhere." "Technically," Gojo turns to face her, "you showed up here. I've been here for at least an hour." "I still have a gun out. DO you want to continue this argument?"

He smirks, suddenly leaning down close enough that Nova can see his lips brush against her ear. Mara's eyes widen in shock as he chuckles. "Go ahead, sweetie. I want you to do it."

Nova can't help but let a small fit of laughter escape her, which earns her the look of all death looks. "Anyways," Gojo leans back up and turns to walk out the door, "I'm gonna pull my car around. I owe you a coffee date. Don't keep me waiting, baby."

Once he shuts the front door behind him, Nova sighs softly. "One of these days I'm going to- Holy shit, Mara! Your face is so fucking red!" Mara hides her now tomato colored face in her hands with a small squeal.

"I know it is! Damn it, I thought I was over his dumb ass!" Nova rubs the back of her neck. "Well, you didn't run from him this time." "Oh, I wanted to. I really wanted to, but instead I summoned my fucking glock!"

Aunt Cammie takes over calming Mara down while Nova rushes off with a bag to change. Opening her old bedroom door hits her with a wave of nostalgia. It really is how she left it.

On the bed is a basket filled with all kinds of goodies from Aunt Cammie. She even remembered that Nova's favorite animal is a buffalo, and included a cute stuffed one.

However, when she starts digging through the basket, she notices a few pictures that she printed off.

The first is one of Aunt Cammie, Mara, and herself. It had to have been long before the girls' parents passed away. Actually, if she remembers correctly, it's form the first time they met Aunt Cammie on a trip to America. They were no older than four.

The second picture is one of the girls getting accepted to Jujutsu Tech. Aunt Cammie must have taken the picture because the girls were busy being hugged to near death by their parents.

The third one is form her graduation. Gojo had graduated the year before she did, and he made it to her graduation when he wasn't sure he would be able to. In this picture, he has his arms around her and his face buried in her red curls. Truly, he was the only non family member she ever went to after her second year.

The last one has a note attached to it. She places it aside to stare at the picture. It had to be from her first year of high school. She was sitting on a pier, and next to her was a boy. His raven colored hair was pulled into a man bun. Behind their backs, his hand was on top of hers, almost enclosing the entire thing.

Thinking of that day brings tears to her eyes. She places it on her bedside table to grab the letter.

Nova baby,

I doubt this picture will bring you a real smile, but when I saw it in your box of memories I had to pull it out. No matter what life looks like now for him, or even for you, the two of you shared something special. Despite him only being a stepping stone in your life, he helped shape you into the strong woman you are today. Don't think about who he became because that isn't the same boy you found your happiness in. Think of the boy who made it a point to buy you flowers once a week before school, the boy who always asked me permission to take you to dinner, the boy who you and Gojo spent hours with daily. Think of the boy who loved everything about you. I love you babygirl, and I know that your journey in life has just begun.

Aunt Cammie

[occult-castiel]

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Suptober. Day 13: Rewind Dean has a few things to say to Cas. Word count: 2542 [Read on Ao3]

3 Weeks.

Dean's been stealing glances at his phone for over an hour. The dim light of the hall that creeps from under his door is the only reason he can see the thing, blurred out to a barely-there grey hunk of plastic.

The idea is fucking stupid. He doesn't care what Sam thinks. Sam wasn't even supposed to know. Let alone have fucking opinions.

But Dean slipped.

And it took more effort than he will ever admit to walk out of the kitchen without clocking his brother in the goddamn jaw.

Fuck Sam and fuck the phone.

He turns around, away from the stupidest temptation of his life, and demands sleep come.

It's only mildly successful.

2 Month, 1 Week.

Nothing bad can happen from a phone call. Doing it once can’t hurt you any more than you are now

Sam's a well-meaning kid. He really is. But sometimes he just needs to can it.

'Cause he had to go and say some shit like that, completely unprompted — they were talking about potential witch activity in Utah, not Dean's feelings, for Christ's sake — and now it's all Dean can think about now that the distractions of the day have bled into a dark room and cold bed.

And that gray hunk of plastic on his desk is laughing at him. He could reach it if he sat up. Stretched a bit.

But the idea is dumb. And Sam doesn't get it. He really fucking doesn’t.

Except Dean knows he's kind of full of crap.

He grits his teeth, shoves the covers to the side, and grabs his phone.

With each passing buzz, his heart stutters, breath cut into shorter and shorter spurts.

Stupidstupidstupid.

It- it isn't like he's gunna answer. Dean knows he not, but it just rings and rings and —

"This is my voicemail. Make your voice… a mail."

And it hurts.

He calls again every night for the next week. Of course, he never picks up. Sam doesn't ask.

4 Months.

Dean kicks the door after it slams shut. Throws his gun at his headboard, if it goes off and shoots him, oh fucking well. It's great. Just fantastic.

He pulls his phone out without thinking. Clicks Cas.

It rings, and for a moment his shoulders relax as the familiar greeting plays. Cause its Cas' voice. And fuck. Just… fuck.

Then it beeps, and he actually does the one thing he's wanted for months.

"None of your douchebag family will answer me. And I've tried friggin' everything, I swear to Christ."

He runs his hand over his face, glances up at the sour-yellow ceiling.

"How you ever stood them is beyond me dude."

And then, like a rational human being. He hangs up and pretends that whatever that was didn't happen.

Once the bitter taste of angels that don’t pick the fucking phone up from earlier that day fades, Dean stares at the darkened ceiling.

He left a voicemail. A fucking voicemail.

Pathetic.

4 Months, 3 Weeks.

So he hasn't called again since his, uh, slip up. And Sam keeps giving him these little looks. And he knows that Sam knows, and knows he isn't calling because he's a changed man or whatever.

Maybe Sam would drop it, whatever the hell he thinks Dean's mess is, if he could manage to eat.

Jody, Claire, Kaia, and Alex are all around the table with them. Jody's the charmer she always is, talking about how she's grateful for the help and oh, of course you guys are gunna stay for dinner! Ah-ah! No buts.  

There was a hunt in town she tracked down with Claire, a huge vamps nest — we're talking dozens — and called them over for help. And is now feeding them. Because she's a saint and never deserved to be in the know in the first place.

Dean looks at the food. Pork lathered in dark brown graveyard with a mountain of buttery mashed potatoes. There's a pile of carrots on Sam's plate. Dean opted out.

Not that he's eating now. No, mostly just pushing it all around. He does eat in general.

But Claire isn't looking at him. Hasn't. She barely managed a glance up when he saved her — just a small nod and weary glance.

Sam, on the other hand, may as well be ogling.

Dean wishes he could read Sam's mind, find out where he's keeping it so Dean can wallow in misery without his brother being keen on some of the finer details, thank you very much.

He manages a few bites. Its excellent, mouth-watering, home-cooked goodness he's missed fiercely since he got a taste for it the few days Mrs. Butters was around.

But right now? Turns his stomach.

On the way back home, Sam clears his throat. Dean grips the wheel a little tighter.

"So —"

"I didn't ask for your opinion, Samantha."

In the corner of his eye, Sam's shoulder slump. His brother looks down and sighs out a sad little noise.

But the rest of the drive is quiet. And that's a win in Dean's book.

*

It's roughly midnight, and books are scattered across the library table. They're all open to different pages, but none of it matters. Not really.

Dean's combing through it all anyway. Has been since Heavens decided they have a no-call policy with anyone named Winchester.

The piles he has laid around him have grown increasingly larger as the weeks have drug on. Spiked exponentially when he decided not to call anymore.

"Hey Dean."

Dean snaps his head up mid-sentence. Sam stands in the threshold, holding a plate. In pajamas.

Dean just looks at him. "What?"

"Made you food." He lifts the plate up a fraction

"That looks like a cold cut, so made is a generous word."

Sam has the audacity to slump into himself, full-on wounded-puppy mode. So Dean rolls his eyes and waves him over.

The plate gets sat down with a distinct clank, and Sam pats his shoulder.

"You know I just… want what's best for you."

Dean tenses his shoulders, closes the book in front of him. He speaks through his teeth.

"Yeah, well I never had it in the first place. And now it is gone, and there's nothing I can do."

"You don't know that Dean."

He glues his eyes to the back of the book. Balls his fists.

"Don't I? That — That fucking thing just —"

"I know. But it's also gone. We don't know what happened."

Dean chooses then to look over, fix his brother with a proper glare so he'll go the hell away — but sees it.

Sitting innocuously on the plate, like it isn't an affront to everything Dean would rather not, is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Sam's talking but he can't hear it. His brains turned to mush, a radio-static circus of nothing.

The bottom of his chair screeches as it drags against the floor.

And Dean can’t see.

Sam grabs his arm, he shakes it off. He moves decisively, tries too, but his eyes prickle and he can’t see shit, and he isn’t about to cry right there in front of his brother, validate every stupid thought the guy has that’s probably one-hundred percent right.

His door clicks shut, and he pressed himself against it. Slides down until he hits the icy floor.

Dean's throat is a constricted cage, each breath in has to be muscled in, down, out. Each wobble as much as the last.

Sam doesn't know shit. He doesn’t know what he's talking about. He really doesn't.

Calling someone who can’t answer, won’t ever answer, is fucking stupid. It's not therapeutic.

When he rubs a hand over his face. It comes back wet, and his eyes sting.

"Fuck."

He fishes for his phone. Going to Cas' number is muscle memory at this point.

It rings. Cause Sam can't help but keep the thing charged.

"This is my voicemail. Make your voice… a mail."

The ball in his chest is impossibly tight. Why hasn't he called? Just to hear him again, the gruff tenor that's like gravel and silk and the only thing he ever wants to hear, ever. And now he only has nine words he'll ever hear him say again.

That's it. Two sentences.

You saved the whole world. He didn’t save shit.

And what the fuck is he supposed to do now? How is he supposed to do anything? He’s never been any good, not as good as he needs to be. Maybe if he would’ve been — or did somethin’ different, anything different —

Dean threads his fingers in his hair and balls his fist. Squeezes his eyes shut against the pool of tears that just leak out, and curls in on himself. His guts are twisted and tight, just like the rest of him. Every part of him shakes, the hand vice-gripping his hair should hurt, should be enough to pull him back to sanity, but the tears don’t stop.

And really what does it matter if he cries. Chucks gone, and The Empty, that — that thing got what was coming to it.

But Cas didn't come back.

He lulls his head against the door, untangles the hand from his hair like his fingers piston operated they ache so bad

God, Cas should’ve just left him in Hell.

Maybe he's Heaven, Billy had said with a shrug. Casual. Like she didn't understand. And Dean knows she does. She gets it more than any of them, saw just what this shit did the last time. Saw exactly how much he didn't want to be around.

Jack had to fuck off to put the universe in balance, so he’s MIA and no help. And Heaven doesn't seem to give a shit.

There must've been a beep somewhere, so Dean just goes with it. Presses the phone to his ear again and works his jaw open until it’s loose enough to allow something resembling words can happen.

"It's — it's bullshit." God Dean can't recognize his own voice, pulled thin and hoarse. "You — you know that right? Bullshit." He shakes his head. Tries to take a deep breath that comes out only slightly less ragged. "You always left. And I — I get that you had to sometimes. But no one wanted you here more than me."

He wipes his face off with the collar of his shirt. His skull screams in sharp pain, and his temples thud. And normally this would be too long of a pause, but normally you don't start a voicemail off trying not to sob, and normally they're made for people who can actually listen to them. So whatever.

"This is stupid. It's not — voicemails ain't your style." His breath leaves, and exhaustion sets deep into his bones. "You always just called back for the explanation. You'd leave 'em, though."

At least Dean assumes. Every call back he'd ever gotten from the guy he'd have to fill him in on whatever was happening anyway. Guess it makes sense in a way. If you have enough time to listen to a message, you've got enough time to call.

The space behind his robes aches when he says, "We both shoulda picked up more, I guess. And Sammy wants me to call now. Like it makes up for shit. It doesn't."

He swipes the little red phone to the left, and stares at the word Cas in his contacts page.

But the screen goes blank, and all he can see are his puffy red eyes reflected in the black screen, and that's motivation, so he gets ready for bed.

1 Year, 10 Months, 13 Days

He calls a few times after that. But tries not to leave voicemails for someone that's just gone, in every sense of the word.

It’s dumb. Still really dumb. And he has no defense for it. Eventually Sam hands him Cas' old phone and a charger. All of the missed voicemails untouched.

Dean could swear he remembers ever last one.

They're mostly simple crap, sometimes. Updates.

"Sam and Eileen are getting hitched. They're pretty fucking disgusting together. But sometimes they look at me, and I can just see it, man. See how they like, bubble themselves off." He laughs, but it's strained.  "Guess it just be written on my face. Which is just friggin’ fantastic. Cause I'm happy for them. I've always wanted that for Sam. But I wanted it for us too. Fucked up that I can only say it now, huh."

"I don't like the way burgers taste anymore. And I, uh, have a bumper sticker now. It's a bee. I kept it together until Sam got misty-eyed." There's a pause for a touch too long, then, "That mixtapes been the only thing in Baby for a month."

"I kept the trenchcoat. Wore it earlier. Got cold out for the first time since —" he sighs. "You wore it better. Looks like shit on me. It pretty much lives in my closet. Can't get monster guts on it that way."

But sometimes it's just a confession, none of the other bullshit. Just the truth.

"Look. I'm not mad. So don't think that. Cause I'm not. Wish I was. It's — it's always been easier. But I was trying to get my head on straight. I would've for you. I just… Don't know how now."

"Can't tell if I like using your old angel blade or fucking hate it. Don't like much of anything anymore. You were better with it."

"Id pray to you, but this is all I got. And I wish I could hope you're up there. But then I'd hope there isn't any pay per view Earth or whatever. Cause this shit? Is pitiful." A sigh. "G'night, Cas."

And one night, a long time later, he's sitting with his back against his bed, nestled next to the end table he never used, he says the truth in a way he knows he should've years and years ago.

"Guess this is like prayin', ain't it? Sammy caught me a few months ago. He wasn't even surprised I'm still doing this. Told me it was, uh — It was okay. Even if I just… never did. And you know what? I don't think l can." He gives a small laugh. "Hell, I only leave messages when I'm feeling, I dunno, brave? Like some part of me thinks you could still hear it and tell me to get lost."

Logically, he knows Cas wouldn't have kicked him to the curb. Wanted him just as much.

"God I listen to it almost every night dude. Just hearing this stupid fucking line —  It's like hitting rewind, for a few seconds."

The rest comes off easy, in its own way

"I miss you, Buddy. And I — I love you more than I know what to do with. I wish it would've been enough. But instead, it killed you."

He ends it, and calls back. Just to listen to the only thing he'll ever hear Cas say again. It’s not a replacement, never will be until he can see if Heaven really does have an angels left.

But the only faith he ever had is just an echo on the other end.

"This is my voicemail. Make your voice… a mail."

[cynicallystiles]

Seasons of Love: The One with the Cabin

Disclaimer: Moodboard made by me. Pictures found on Google!

Author: @cynicallystiles

Request: @itrocksmysocks​ basically requested this by making me obsessed with the triplets a year ago.

Warning: Swearing. Slight sexual content.

Notes: Chapter four is here! The whole thing still isn’t finished ahead of time like I wanted. Annnnndd I’m already falling behind schedule lol! Thanks for your patience! Please COMMENT/REBLOG if you enjoy it!

Pairing: Kallie Hayes (OC) x Mendes Triplets

Masterlist Series Masterlist

Chapter Three Chapter Five

Words: ~5.37k

"Kalliope!" The sound of her name accompanied by excessive knocking stirs her awake abruptly.

She startles and rolls off the bed onto the floor. "Ah! Jesus, fuck!" She groans and sits up, rubbing her shoulder.

"Is everything okay?" Her sister asks through the door, and Kallie can hear the amusement in her tone.

Pulling herself upright, she glances at the bed and sees Shawn's smooth, muscular back. "Fuck," she mumbles, barely holding in a laugh. "Uh...yeah! I just tripped getting out of bed!" She calls back with a little chuckle.

"It's nine right now, goober. Figured you'd want to be up in time to shower and help with breakfast," Cassie chuckles before her footsteps recede down the hallway.

Releasing a breath of air, Kallie turns back to the bed to find two brown eyes looking at her. "Jeez!" She gasps and closes her eyes to normalize her fast-beating heart. "When did you wake up?" She asks when she opens her eyes again.

"Hard to sleep with all the noise around here," Shawn teases. He rolls over and stands, allowing the sheets to slide off of his almost naked body. Kallie's eyes watch his muscles tighten as he stretches his arms above his head. "I can feel that ya know," he laughs.

She scoffs and stands to make her bed as he finds his clothes. "No, you can't," she argues with warm cheeks as she finds a loose shirt to pull over her shoulders. "I told you you weren't supposed to sleep here!" She groans and starts pushing him toward the window.

"Hey!" He protests as she gets the rope ladder. "You're the one who told me to hold you more," he reminds her and opens the window quietly.

As she secures the ladder to the window and rolls it down the side of the house, her eyebrows furrow. "No, I didn't," she denies, focused on making sure he won't injure himself.

"Yeah, Kal, ya did," he insists while hanging halfway out of the window.

Kallie shakes her head. "Well, I don't remember. Now, go! Before, anyone sees you," she giggles and places her palm flat against his forehead to push him down the ladder.

Shawn quietly enters through his front door and tries to sneak upstairs. His foot doesn't even hit the first step when a voice behind him makes him jump. "Where the hell have you been?" Turning, he sees Peter and Raul entering from the living room.

"Just went for a morning jog," he chuckles nervously.

Peter squints at his attire and crosses his arms. "You don't look like you went for a jog," he accuses suspiciously after seeing no sweat despite him wearing pants and a hoodie in hot weather.

"It was a light jog," he shrugs innocently, "didn't want to stink too much for breakfast since you two always take the hot water."

Raul rolls his eyes and shoves his hands in the pockets of his shorts. "Well, I showered last night. So, there's water left to clean up before we head over," he explains casually.

"Wait," Shawn stops leaning against the railing and takes a step forward. "You never shower at night," he states in confusion.

He just shrugs. "Yeah. Kal and I got a little messy last night," he chuckles and heads back into the living room, ignoring the twitch of Shawn's eye.

The boys arrive at Kallie's just as she's setting down the final plate of food on the table. Her hair is still damp around her shoulders from the shower, barely curling as it dries. Conversation flows chaotically while the boys catch up with Cassie and her moms.

Shawn catches Kallie's eyes as she takes the last sip of her almond milk. She asks him what's up by pinching her brows together. He nods subtly toward the kitchen. Concerned, she stands up.

"I'm gonna start clearing the dirty dishes," she informs everyone as she gathers some plates.

Shawn follows suit. "I'll help," he offers.

"But, cleanup is my thing," Peter points out in confusion.

Patting his shoulder, Shawn takes the dishes he's holding around the table. "Relax, for once. I've got it covered." He disappears into the kitchen after her.

"What's going on?" She asks in a hushed tone as she leans on the counter next to the sink.

Setting the dishes in the sink, he crosses his arms and turns to her. "What exactly did you and Raul get up to last night?" He sighs.

A chuckle slips past her lips before she sees the distraught in his eyes. "We just got ice cream and went to the park," she explains with a shrug.

"And that's it?"

Kallie lets her mouth part in surprise. "Should there be something else I don't remember?" She didn't like the accusation in his tone and Shawn's increasing jealousy was starting to irritate her.

"No," he deadpans, looking out the window above the sink. "It's just that Raul said you guys got messy but you didn't have dirt or anything on you when I came over."

Kallie clicks her tongue and scrunches up her face. "Are you kidding me?" She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms as well. "We got a little childish and were fighting with the ice cream, Shawn."

"But, you-" he begins but she inhales deeply and he cuts himself off.

"I got it in his hair, but he only got it on my arms. It was easy to wash off in the sink before you came," she scoffs.

He drops his arms and steps toward her. "Sorry, I just-"

"I know what 'you just'," she sighs in disappointment. "You can't keep getting jealous every time I hang out with him. Or Peter."

Looking at his feet, he mumbles, "I know."

"I think we should pause this," she declares quietly.

He quickly looks up to meet her eyes. "What? No! I'll stop being jealous. I'll-"

"It's not about that," she lies. She could feel things getting complicated between them and she didn't want that. "We're gonna be at the cabin all summer and there won't be time for it anyway. I don't want to ruin our last summer there with the drama if we get found out."

Nodding slowly, Shawn starts to calm down a little. "That makes sense. But, what about when we go back to university? I mean, we all still live together," he points out.

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet," she admits. "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." As Kallie finishes her sentence, Peter wanders into the kitchen. "What's up?" She asks with a gentle smile, causing Shawn to look toward the door.

He shuffles shyly toward them, causing her to giggle. "It felt weird sitting out there not doing the dishes with you," he admits with a small grin.

"Then, come help me, Penguin. Shawn is terrible at rinsing," she teases. Shawn meets her eyes with a silent look of fading sadness as Peter sidles up close to her with an enormous grin at one of her many cute nicknames for him. He watches them bump shoulders and giggle before leaving with a sigh.

Later in the day, the boys help load Kallie's bags in the back of Shawn's Jeep before they start their trip to the lake. After hugging her moms and Cassie, they all head out of the house.

"Lemme guess...Kallie gets front seat as always," Raul teases, heading for the backseat.

Shawn nods with a cheeky grin, but Kallie also heads for the backseat. "Actually, I wanted to share the back with Peter..." She sneaks a glance at Shawn who has shock written on his face. He's worried that this 'pause' might be about more than she's letting on.

"Why though?" He clears his throat as Peter catches up to them after saying extended goodbyes to her family.

She shrugs while Raul is already riding shotgun. "This time we're learning sign language." Kallie then looks at Peter as she teases, "We've only got around two weeks left to become fluent."

His eyes flit between Shawn and her, picking up on the unsaid tension between them. He's quiet. But, he's not stupid. Peter lets his features melt into a smile that puts Kallie at ease.

"Sweet!" Peter jostles her by the shoulders excitedly before opening the door for her. With a small glance at Shawn, she gets in the backseat. "Wait...is the sign for 'cabin' this...or...this?" He asks to distract her from whatever is upsetting her. She chuckles as he slides in next to her practicing two gestures that look similar, but neither are anywhere close to meaning 'cabin'.

Clenching his jaw, Shawn slides into the driver's seat and pulls out of the driveway. The usually short two-hour drive to Muskoka was going to feel a lot longer without Kallie up front with him.

The first time that the Mendes' took Kallie to their beautiful cabin at Lake Muskoka was the December after she had first met the boys. Before she was allowed to go, their parents had to meet her parents. They ended up getting along so well that they invited her parents and her sister along as well.

After finally pulling up next to the cabin, Shawn flings off his seatbelt and races toward the door. "I gotta use the bathroom!"

Both of their parents chuckle. "We told you not to drink a whole hot chocolate before we even left Pickering, son," Manny reminds him playfully.

The adults work on unloading the bags, while the rest of the kids pile out of the vehicles. Kallie's eyes are immediately drawn to the lake nearby, covered in white. "Woah," she breathes out, a little intimidated by how big it is.

"You remembered your skates right?" Peter asks from a few steps behind her. She nods silently, not wanting to say that they all had to go out and buy new ones for this trip.

Before Peter can make more conversation, Karen calls out to them, "Lunchtime first! Then, you can skate all you want!"

"I'm starving!" Kallie declares with a giggle as she loops her arm through his. He's a bit surprised but he doesn't say anything as they walk quickly back into the house.

Peter is helping Kallie shed her coat just when Shawn comes back from the restroom. "Kallie, come sit next to me! I'll share my Oreos with you," he entices her.

"Oh, okay!" She says with a small glance at Peter. Shawn is so excited that he runs to the dining room without looking back to save their seats. Leaning toward Peter, she whispers conspiratorially, "You can sit on my other side if you want."

He nods happily and they join everyone else for a quick but filling lunch. Raul is the first to finish. He practically flings his dishes in the sink before issuing a challenge. "Last one on the ice is a loser!"

There's a brief second of silence before the sounds of chairs scraping on wood and dishes clanging overlap. Each one hurries to put their dishes in the sink and get their winter gear back on. Shawn is second out the door not long after Raul, both carrying their hockey skates by the laces.

Cassie and Kallie are neck in neck as they fly through the door in their many layers with brand new ice skates in their mittened hands. They get to the edge of the lake and make quick work of changing their footwear. Cassie throws herself onto the ice in third place, not even caring that she has no idea how to work the skates.

When Kallie knots her last lace, she stands up and puts her mittens back on to dust off the snow on her jeans. She hesitates at the edge, uncertain of how to get started. Her right blade almost touches the ice when she hears the door close in the distance. She looks back to realize that Peter wasn't racing with everyone else.

He takes his time to make his way to the lake while the grownups file out of the cabin behind him. They go about getting the fire pit going so they would all have somewhere to warm up in between activities.

Peter has a bag slung over his shoulder that looks a lot like the one he keeps his drawing stuff in. Kallie was going to wait for him to catch up, but Shawn skids to a stop mere inches from her.

"Let's go, Kal!" He urges and takes her hand to pull her onto the ice. "Once you get going, it'll feel easy!" She tries to protest as he pulls her further onto the ice, too far away from the bank to leap to safety.

Her skates glide along easily as Shawn skates backward, pulling her by the hands. She looks up to see Raul skating in a figure eight, while her older sister seems to be catching on fast. Raul breaks his formation to speed past and bump Shawn's shoulder.

"Hey! I'm gonna get you for that!" Without thinking, he lets go of Kallie's hands to chase after Raul.

She automatically bends over slightly to gain some kind of balance, arms outstretched in front of her in case she falls. Slowly, she pushes off one foot to slide a little faster. An excited giggle escapes her as she continues to practice this in a safe little circle.

Deciding that she's got the basics down, she stands up straight. Her arms stay poised to catch her if something bad happens but she manages to skate in a wider circle. She picks up speed and feels the cold wind whip at her face.

A little further ahead, she sees that her path is going to cross with Shawn and Raul's. The two of them were done with tag and were now racing in a circle. This makes Kallie realize very urgently that no one taught her how to stop.

Panicking, she tries to veer to the left. The tip of her skate catches a chip in the ice and sends her sprawling toward the bank of the lake. She sits up with a hiss, clutching the knee that took most of the impact.

"Kalliope!" She turns toward the sound of her name and finds Peter gliding toward her from the bank. She watches the way he tips his foot upward to use the back of his blade as a brake. He squats down beside her and looks at her knee. "Are you okay?"

She purses her lips and looks away, embarrassed about the crash and burn. "Yeah, it's just scraped," she mumbles, noticing his drawing materials scattered around his bag as if he dropped them in a hurry.

"Then, let's go again," he replies simply and stands up while holding out his hands for her. Kallie turns her head sharply toward him. "I promise I won't let go of you until you want me to."

His reassuring but crooked smile made all of her embarrassment go away. He doesn't care that she's bad at skating. It also made her happy that he would stop doing his favorite thing to teach her how to skate. So, she grabs his hands and lets him help her up.

Peter begins explaining all the "do's and dont's" of skating on lake ice. Apparently, it's different from skating rink ice. He tells her a fun fact about penguins and she laughs, bringing Shawn's attention back to her once again.

He skates over quickly and takes her hand that's not clutching Peter's forearm. "I can teach her from here! You probably want to go back to drawing anyway," he dismisses Peter.

"I don't wanna slow you down," she offers. "You play with Raul while I learn the ropes and tomorrow you can teach me hockey!" He looks at her skeptically, glancing to Peter on the other side of her who is pretending to be very interested in his skates. "Promise."

He nods. "Okay, if you're sure..." Kallie smiles in return and Shawn can't help but smile back. "Be careful, okay?"

"Always, duh," she teases before turning back to Peter. Shawn hears the conversation fade as Peter leads her around the lake. "So, penguins really build nests out of rocks?" She laughs.

He nods with a chuckle before spending the better part of two hours patiently teaching her how to skate. Once he's sure she's got it, he lets go and watches her glide ahead of him. She's so enraptured in skating that it takes a minute to realize he's not holding her hand.

Kallie immediately digs her heel into the ice and turns back. "Hey!" She crosses her arms with a pout as he skates up to her.

"What?" He laughs, "you were doing amazing!"

Her lip quivers the slightest bit and she avoids looking directly at him. "You promised you wouldn't let go," she murmurs.

"Kalliope," Peter breathes out her full name guiltily, "I'm really sorry. You were just doing so good and that's how mom and dad taught us how to ride bikes...so I figured..." he trails off with a shrug.

She sniffles and he's unsure if it's because she's sad or because of the cold. "Don't do it again," she pleads before carefully unfolding her arms to her sides.

"Promise," he instinctually replies. She raises her eyebrows at him. "For real this time." Peter grins and takes her hand tightly in his. Kallie can't help but smile as he pulls her along the edge of the lake.

"Moms! Look! I'm doing it!" She yells in excitement at her mothers. They both get up and quickly make their way to the edge of the lake with their cameras.

Proud looks cross their faces as they capture the two of them skating close together, hands tightly clutching each other. Manny and Karen come up behind them and share a knowing adult look. Cassie skates over to get in the pictures before Raul and Shawn join. Soon there's a picture of the five of them all wrapped around each other that they have framed and hanging on the living room wall of the cabin.

Kallie runs her fingers along the wooden frame of that picture in the living room, in the exact space on the wall that it's been hanging for about twelve years. She grins momentarily, the nostalgia quickly fading to sadness as the reality of it all hits her. This is probably the last summer they're gonna spend together here.

As the door creaks open and the boys clatter inside with arms full of bags and laughing, she shakes herself out of the sad mood. "I could've helped carry my stuff in, ya know!" She chuckles and moves to close the door behind them.

"That is absolutely not happening on our watch!" Shawn spouts nonsense while he struggles to keep a grip on her duffles.

She nods empathetically before taking them out of his hands with zero effort. "Seems like you need to hit the gym, Mendes," she digs at him as he automatically stands up straighter without the extra weight of her bags.

Kallie makes her way upstairs toward the bedrooms while the boys stare after her. "How is she doing that?" Shawn muses out loud and with a little envy.

"When did she get more ripped than you, bro?" Raul teases to Shawn's chagrin.

Peter interrupts as he walks backward toward the stairs. "She's always been able to carry her weight. You two have just always been too busy staring at her ass to notice." With a smirk, he spins around and jogs up the stairs, bags slung over his shoulders.

"Okay..." Shawn stretches out the word. "But, when did the runt start lifting like that?" Raul laughs out loud while he jostles Shawn's shoulders and shoves him toward the stairs.

When they were younger, the boys would share one room, the girls another, and both sets of parents had one to themselves. Since they're here by themselves, each could have their own for the whole summer. Kallie stands in the hallway debating which one to take as the boys catch up to her.

"What are you doing?" Raul questions with a chuckle. "Unpack so we can hit the lake before dark!"

She looks between the four doors and then the three boys. "Who's staying in what room, though?"

"Well, which one do you want?" Peter asks her and she quirks her brows together.

"Whichever one is left after you guys pick." She says it so simply. Like it's the most obvious thing in the world. The boys loved that about her. She always made sure they were taken care of.

"Dibs on mom and dad's old room, then!" Raul shouts before taking off toward the end of the hall.

"No fair!" Shawn shouts after him.

"I'm the oldest! Of course, it's fair!" He calls back.

Peter chimes in with a laugh. "Technically, Kallie is the oldest! But, whatever!" He shrugs.

"Guess I'll take our old room," Shawn sighs, unhappy with being cheated out of the master bedroom.

As he wanders back in the direction of the stairs, Peter touches Kallie's elbow gently. "You okay?" She'd gone quiet since looking at the door to the girls' old room.

"Mhm," she takes a deep breath and zones back in on Peter's concerned look, "promise." She forces a small smile.

"You can have the room your moms used," he offers kindly. "I don't mind staying in the smallest one."

When she glances back at the door, she can't bring herself to disagree. "Thank you..." she says quietly. He nods in understanding. "I haven't been able to go in there since..."

"I know." He takes her hand and squeezes it before going to settle into his room. She stands there for a second more before heading to her moms' old room and unpacking briefly.

That room holds a lot of memories for her. For all of them really. Not all of them good ones, though. She finds her favorite swimsuit and throws it on before putting her hair in a single braid. Meeting the boys out front, she doesn't fail to notice how all of their gazes linger on the dips and curves of her body. She shakes it off and heads to the water with them in tow.

Later that night after everyone's showered and dinner was long over, she sits on the bed in her room scrolling through Pinterest for new recipes to try. A knock draws her attention to the doorway where Raul leans against it.

"Hey," she sets her phone in her lap, "need something?"

He shrugs, almost stepping into the room but hesitating. "Just wanted to make sure you're doing okay," he confesses. Kallie takes a deep breath. "We haven't been back here since senior year..."

"Yeah, I know," she deadpans and looks toward the window. She closes her eyes and sighs. "Sorry. Thank you, I'm fine."

This time, he doesn't hesitate to enter and sit at the edge of her bed. "You don't have to apologize. It's okay to not be fine." He sets his ringed hand atop her knee over the blanket.

"I know," Kallie pauses, "I know that." She sounds like she's trying to convince herself more than him. "It just feels wrong to not be fine, ya know?" She shrugs and plays with the yarn of the blanket.

He chuckles lightly. "It's also okay to be fine." She glances at him before he continues. "I know you miss her. But, you can miss her and move on. Lin wouldn't want you to be sad forever. That's not who she was," he comforts her.

"I don't wanna move on, Raul," she whimpers finally and reaches her arms out to him. He instantly brings his arms around her waist and squeezes her tight.

"That was a poor choice of words on my part," he admits into her hair. "I meant..." he pauses, struggling for the right thing to say as he rubs her back soothingly.

Kallie rubs her nose along his neck and he stills. "I know what you meant." She sniffles and pulls back from him, wiping at her wet eyes. "Thank you."

"I'm just down the hall if you need anything," he promises as he gets up. She smiles softly at him as he leans in and kisses her forehead. Sighing at the soft gesture, her eyes close in response. "Night, Kit Kat."

She fights a grin. "Night, Playboy."

Kallie lays back on her pillows as Raul leaves. She's about to turn out the lights when Shawn walks by toward his room. "Hey," she calls softly. He freezes and backtracks a few steps to be in the open doorway.

"Hey, Kal," he replies while sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. Her eyes flick to his chest and his lack of a shirt before reeling in her thoughts. "Everything okay?"

He heads into her room and closes the door behind him by habit. Her eyes widen and he realizes what he did. Shawn turns back to open it but she stops him. "It's okay, you can leave it closed," she chuckles.

"Right..." He makes his way over to her and sits gingerly on the bed. For a minute, they just sit in silence. It stretches on awkwardly since they haven't really talked since she asked for a 'pause' on their pact. "I'm really sor-"

"I just wanted to-" They both pause after talking over each other and giggle. "You go." She nudges his hand with hers, leaving it close by but not touching.

He nods. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for how I acted this morning," he begins timidly. "It was wrong of me to accuse you of anything and to not trust you."

"It's okay," Kallie responds automatically even though Shawn shakes his head. "No, it really is. I get the whole sibling jealousy thing. It's not as intense with my sister but I get it," she chuckles and he cracks a grin. "You're all my best friends and I don't want to cause trouble between you three..."

Shawn sighs. "Is that why you paused us?" He questions. Slowly, she nods and he closes his eyes to compose himself. "Thank god," he breathes out. When he opens his eyes, she has a confused look on her face. "I'm relieved that it's not because of me or something," he laughs.

"No!" She laughs too. "I guess I just wanted to cut it off before any complications started messing with our Musketeer dynamic." His eyebrows scrunch together, wondering what she meant by that. "Never mind," she scoffs, changing the subject, "I'm glad we cleared this up though, eh?"

He blinks a couple of times, his mind trying to find what exactly has been 'cleared up.' "So, this means..." Shawn stalls, hopefully sending the message for her to finish the sentence.

She giggles and finishes it, "That once we go back to Toronto...we can unpause." His lips pull into an elated grin, causing her cheeks to blush for no reason. "We're all gonna be really busy, but if our schedules allow...then, yes. We can unpause," she informs him.

"Yes!" He cheers before catching himself and regaining composure. Clearing his throat, he responds, "I mean, thank you. I would very much like that. And I promise to keep my jealousy in check from now on."

Kallie nods like it's an appropriate response. "As you should," she giggles.

"I'm gonna leave before you change your mind," he declares. Before he does, Shawn leans in and places his lips on hers briefly but passionately. He pulls back with a knowing look. "Just to leave you wanting more until the next time, eh," he teases as he practically sprints to the door.

She throws a pillow at him and misses. "Goodnight, you heathen!" He rolls his eyes and disappears down the hall.

After a moment, Kallie turns out her light and closes her eyes to go to sleep. She tosses and turns for a while before throwing the blankets off of her in frustration. She grabs her phone and unplugs her charger from the wall before creeping down the hallway.

Quietly, she raps her knuckles on the bedroom door a few times. A few seconds pass and she hears him call out in a whisper-yell, "It's open!" She carefully opens the door, trying not to make it creak, and peeks her head in.

"Hi." She hesitates in the doorway, looking around and then at her feet. Taking a deep breath, she tip-toes in, closing the door behind her with a light 'click.'

Peter turns his book over and lays it open in his lap when he realizes she just walked into the room she hasn't step foot in in almost four years. "Hey, Kalliope." She smiles softly as her full name leaves his lips. Kallie doesn't know why, but he's always called her by her full name. And he's the only one who does.

"I forgot to bring Copper," she admits, dragging her feet as she walks toward the bed. Silently, he flips the blankets over so she can crawl in next to him. He knows she can never sleep without her stuffed fox. The only way she can is if she can cuddle someone in his place.

Kallie quickly tosses him her charger to plug in. Then with a childlike grin, she crawls over him to settle in under the blankets. Peter looks away as the T-shirt that she's wearing lifts up, exposing her underwear slightly. He didn't want to, but he notices that they were men's boxer briefs and he has to stifle a laugh. Kallie always prefers comfort over anything else, gender norms be damned.

She's about to cuddle into his side when she realizes that he's shirtless. Swallowing slightly, she tries not to rake her eyes over his smooth chest and the way his butterfly tattoo accentuates his bicep. You wouldn't know it when he's wearing his sweaters, but Peter stays fit.

"I can put on a shirt if it'd make you more comfortable." He snaps her out of her daze when he notices her staring.

Kallie quickly makes her eyes meet his warm caramel ones. "No, you don't have to do that," she breathes out, "I was honestly just thinking about the last time I saw you shirtless."

"Oh..." A blush crawls along his neck and up to his cheeks. "It's been a minute, eh?" He chuckles. She tips her head to the side and pulls up one shoulder in a shrug with a giggle.

With a comfortable atmosphere, she scoots closer and he lifts his arm to make more room. Kallie leans up and kisses him on his cheek, lingering a second longer than usual. He breathes in deeply, notes of cherry blossom drifting from her hair. When she pulls back she looks at him for a second before laying her head down on his chest.

He makes sure she's comfortable before pulling the blankets back up and positioning his book so that he can hold it with one hand. His other gently caresses her side and rubs circles into her back. Peter begins to read out loud even though Kallie doesn't know what the book is about. Truthfully, she never cares. She likes him reading out loud to her because of the sound of his voice mixing with his heartbeat under her ear.

Occasionally, he lifts his hand up to play with her hair or run his fingers along her scalp. She hums contently and cuddles closer when he does. He finishes his chapter and sets the book on the nightstand before turning out the light. He wraps both arms around her and settles into the pillows.

His hand finds hers in the darkness laces their fingers together. Carefully, he brings her knuckles to his lips and lets them linger there. When he's finished, he rubs her knuckles with his thumb. "Goodnight, Kalliope," he whispers, assuming she's asleep.

Kallie's head nuzzles his chest and he feels her lips brush the skin of his collarbone before pressing in for a long moment. She angles her head up to his ear and whispers back, "Goodnight, Peppermint."

Tag List: @marissje​ @mariamuses​

[five-hxrgreeves]

I Won’t Back Down - Five Hargreeves x OC

Word Count: 3,597

You can stand me up at the gates of hell But I won't back down I'm gonna stand my ground Won't be turned around And I'll keep this world from dragging me down

1 | 2 |

Pt. 1- 10 Days Until Apocalypse I, 2019

Lola Gimbel was a very peculiar child and it wasn’t because she was one of the forty-three children born on that fateful day in 1989. Instead, she was strange because at the ripe young age of fifteen, she had already started her autobiography. It wasn’t that she was famous and needed her life written down, or that she was planning on dying anytime soon; on the contrary, she planned to live a long and fruitful life.

(One must be careful with what they wish for.)

Instead, her inspiration came from an eleven-year-old girl who’d lived over seventy years ago in a fictional work called The Book Thief. Lola admired Liesel’s perseverance and survival skills during war-torn times and the romantic part of her wanted someone like Rudy to stay by her side. This created the urge to pen down her own life story, first by asking her family members about the early years beyond memory until she could rely on her own.

Then, she spent many, many nights hidden in her basement writing by the aid of flickering candlelight. Of course, she didn’t need to use such old-fashioned ways, but the atmosphere helped set the mood and was a replica of how her book-hero wrote. Unfortunately, Lola didn’t think she had anything interesting to write even in the two and a half notebooks and counting. So far, she had:

My name is Lola Gimbel and I was born August 1, 2004. My family consists of my mother, Diana Gimbel, my father, Edmund Gimbel and my uncle, Edward Gimbel. I go to the local public high school in downtown Toronto, Canada. My father and uncle own a department store downtown called Gimbel’s Brothers. (An original name, I know. Don’t tell them I said that.) This is where I spend most of my free time after school. My mother works long hours as a nurse and apparently, I can’t be trusted enough to stay home alone after burning eggs one morning.

I’m getting ahead of myself; I was born in Toronto General Hospital at 9:15 a.m. According to my birth certificate, I weighed five pounds, five ounces. Tiny, I know! My mother was in labor for almost nine hours and when I finally arrived, she named me Delores. I hate my name because it sounds so old fashioned and it means sadness. I’d like to think I was a gift to my parents, but maybe not? and I know they love me, so instead of telling them that, I call myself Lola, which is better. It’s still a derivative of Delores, after all. As for appearances, I have shoulder-length brown hair with mid-length bangs and blue eyes.

The writing continued on for pages and pages, detailing everything she could- and couldn’t-remember from her life. There was one thing that she did not include, however, as it would give her parents a heart attack: the mansion the next block over, home of the long-forgotten Umbrella Academy, housed the biggest library she’d ever seen, and she stole books from it.

Three Years Ago

It had really been a coincidence that she’d taken any interest in the building at all. While it was the biggest thing in the city practically, the old man who lived there was an eccentric recluse who never left the house. And, despite it’s past grandeur, the once-grand entrance had faded with time and memory. Even those who’d grown up in the golden years of The Umbrella Academy had let their passions for the group of crime-fighting children go by the wayside as they grew up, leaving the large house to sit without audience for years on end.

Still, that didn’t stop some interested passers-by from peering in occasionally and Lola was among them. One night, she’d been passing by on her way home from a late-night walk and had travelled by the house on her way home. She’d passed by the house hundreds of times before, but that night she’d seen something. Or, someone. A slightly stooped figure had lingered in the window until they’d sensed they were being watched and had disappeared.

Since then, curiosity had plagued her to go check it out. Maybe, just maybe, she’d have something interesting to add to her life’s story. Her mother would cluck her tongue and say curiosity killed the cat, but her Uncle Edward would wink at her and chime in with but satisfaction brought it back. So the next night, Lola didn’t hide in the basement. Instead, she donned all-black clothes and crept to the house.

She’d never broken in anywhere but she had an inventive, quick mind and could almost always come up with a solution. The first-floor windows and doors had been locked and secure but after a few, terrifying minutes of climbing- luckily, the old stone had great places to cling on to- she’d reached the second level. Despite the ache in her fingers from grasping the side of the building, Lola had pressed on, hoping for luck, which arrived in the form of a second-story window being unlocked.

The brunette pushed it open carefully and dropped in, keeping low. A young girl would hardly trigger any alarms, but she wanted to be cautious anyway. The room she’d landed in was dark and with only the faint filter of light from the street lamps, she made her way into the hallway. A part of her hoped to find the figure she’d seen, but the other part- the larger part- hoped she wouldn’t meet anyone.

Despite the age of the house, the floorboards were in excellent condition and made no sound as she walked down the hallway. After trying a few doors to find them all barred, Lola hesitated at the back staircase. She should really stay on the floor with the escape, but something was encouraging her exploration upward, so she climbed.

There, at the end of the hallway, stood two large, double doors. Her anticipation heightened and it took everything in her not to sprint towards them. Instead, Lola continued at the same pace and, with bated breath, tried the handle. To her surprise, the door swung open immediately. The room was dark but her eyes had gotten used to the lack of light by now and she could make out towering, floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. She gave a squeak of excitement. Books! Now she could really be like Liesel Meminger!

Sure, there were libraries, but this was so much better. Her feet moved quickly, closing the distance between the door and the books. She ran her hands enthusiastically along the spines of the volumes, unable to read their titles due to the dim light. Which one should she take first?

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Someone was outside the door. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but the air suddenly felt… charged.

Quickly, she pulled one volume off the shelf and close to her chest. At the same time, a shadow appeared in the open crack of the door.

Oh no, oh no, oh no- Lola shook her head furiously, clutching the book. Panicking wouldn’t help. The room was dark enough that whoever it was probably hadn’t seen her, so she could still get away. Her eyes darted around the mostly open space.

There was a couch with side tables, a working desk, library nick-nacks and- aha! she thought triumphantly, soundlessly making her way to the window.

The figure in the door entered the room, peering cautiously around before backing out again, closing the door with a sharp click!

Lola, from her hiding place in the curtain, let out a relieved breath. She took this as her queue to leave, exiting with her prize out the same window she’d come in. While she was triumphant in her first heist, her mind was whirring. The figure had been obscured by darkness, but the outline had been clearer than when she’d seen them in the window- that, she was sure of- and it seemed like the person wasn’t actually a person at all, but a- monkey.

9 Days Until Apocalypse I, 2019

After school hours usually found Lola en route to her father’s department store where she would spend time until closing working on homework or hanging out with the staff that was on break. While the back room wasn’t the most ideal place for studying, she’d become used to the constant comings and goings and the noise that came with the workers.

Now, she was sitting at a table in the cluttered space at the back of the store working on her math homework while the daily news played on a small, old-fashioned TV hung up in the corner of the large room. Three of the staff members, Sam, Eric and Brittany were sitting at the table with her. The first of the workers’ attention was fixed on the small TV while the second two where scrolling through an app on their phones looking as bored as Lola felt as she completed her assignment.

With a loud sigh, she looked up at the trio hopefully, “do you guys want to see a magic trick?”

Brittany rolled her dark eyes, “what, are you gonna pull a quarter from my ear?”

Lola grinned, “nope!” she said cheerfully, shifting slightly in her seat to pull out a deck of cards from the back pocket of her jeans.

Sam huffed, “are you going to do the ‘pick a card, any card?’ schtick?”

“You guys have no faith in me,” the brunette complained, pulling the cards from the container and proceeding to shuffle them, “I’ve been practicing.”

Eric sighed, “fine, I’ll bite. Hold ‘em out.”

Discreetly, the brunette flipped the bottom card of the deck over and then fanned them out to the other teen, careful not to let the different card show, “alright, pick a card, any card,” she said this part sarcastically with an eye roll towards Sam.

The blonde boy reached forward and pulled out the card he wanted.

“Show it to everyone but not me,” she commanded, “make sure you remember it.”

“Aye aye, Cap,” Eric said, flipping the card to reveal his choice.

While he did so, she flipped the deck casually in her hands, feigning nonchalance. She took it back from him, placing it carefully in the middle of the deck, “now, I’m going to find your card without looking.”

Lola hid the deck behind her back, flipping the top card over. At this point, even Brittany had put away her phone to watch. She revealed them again showing a face-up deck and carefully shuffled through the cards to reach the only face-down card.

Flipping it over, she showed the eight of hearts, “is this your card?”

Eric let out a low whistle, “well, I’ll be damned. You have been practicing.”

The dark-haired girl beamed happily, pleased that she’d pulled it off. The first time she’d tried this with her uncle, she’d accidentally revealed the workings of the trick as the deck slipped out of her hands.

“That’s definitely better than a quarter,” Brittany said begrudgingly.

Before anyone else could say something though, the jingle of the breaking news broke through the work room.

“This just in! Moments ago, police reported the death of the eccentric billionaire, Reginald Hargreeves. More on this story after the break.”

Sam’s head snapped towards the TV, “Hargreeves- that name sounds familiar.”

“That’s because he ran that Umbrella thing, idiot,” Brittany said with an eye roll, “they were all the rage during the early 2000s. My brother went nuts over them.”

“The Umbrella thing?” Lola questioned, curious.

“Oh yeah,” the older girl said, “there was this group of crime-fighting children that was run by Hargreeves. They became famous after stopping a bank robbery but they went downhill after one of their members went missing. Tommy was heartbroken.”

“Went missing?” Lola asked, “as in kidnapped?”

Brittany shrugged, “no one knows what happened to him. Hargreeves isn’t exactly an open book, either. There were several unsolved documentaries but they flopped since there’s not a ton of information. You can look it up if you wanna to know more. Personally, I was more of a Disney fan.”

“Of course you were,” Sam said in amusement.

The dark-haired girl glared at him, “what’s that supposed to mean, moron?”

The blue-eyed boy shrugged, “just that it’s a girly thing.”

Lola rolled her eyes as Brittany shot something back at the boy, tuning them out as the attention shifted away from her. She made a mental note to research The Umbrella thing, as the other girl had said. Standing, she stretched and made her way into the main area of the store to take a break.

Despite all the time she spent in here, Lola didn’t think she’d ever tire of looking at the constant rotation of styles and colors. Her favorite thing to do was run her hands along the racks, feeling the shifts between soft, scratchy, wooly and a hundred other different cloths.

Her favorite section was the formal wear for the vast amount of sparkly dresses that her father decided to sell. She particularly liked the sequins because of the shine they gave off and the unique texture that passed under her fingertips. While she wouldn’t necessarily consider herself a girly-girl, she did appreciate a nice dress and the occasional accessory, even owning-and wearing- an assortment of hats and dressy items containing her favorite material.

This was the section she made her way over to now, immediately reaching her hand out to touch the slightly-rough, slightly-smooth fabric of a long, strapless dress covered in a layer of silver-and-gold sequins.

She jumped when a gentle, warm hand came to rest on her shoulder, “hey, Sequins.”

Lola rolled her eyes, “Uncle Ed, I thought I told you I hated that nickname?”

Her uncle smiled goofily at her, “what, I can’t call you something that you love?”

She huffed, “it’s dumb.”

“That’s what your mother said when you wanted to go by Lola but you did it anyway.”

“Ouch, I think I need ointment for that burn.”

The man laughed loudly, attracting some stares from other customers. They both ignored it, Lola being used to her uncle’s easy, hearty laughter, “I thought she was going to have a conniption when you told her.”

Lola’s face warmed, “are you ever going to let me live that down?”

He gave her a bright smile, “no way, Dolores.”

The brunette gave him a half-irritated, half-playful glare, “please, Uncle Ed.”

8 Days Until Apocalypse I, 2019

That evening before dinner, Lola sat herself down at the computer in her room and typed in the first part of a search inquiry: The Umbrella and then Google helpfully suggested the rest: Academy.

Clicking on the first result, her blue eyes widened in shock as an image appeared on the screen. The building she stole books from almost every night was home to heroes. Good god, what if she’d been caught? She would be dead for sure. She thanked her lucky stars that she’d only met the slightly-stooped figure a handful of times and had never spoken to anyone.

She scrolled further down to read about The Umbrella Academy.

On October 1, 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth simultaneously, despite none of them showing any sign of pregnancy until labor began. Seven of the children are adopted by eccentric billionaire Sir Reginald Hargreeves and turned into a superhero team that he calls "The Umbrella Academy." Hargreeves gives the children numbers rather than names, but the public gives them codenames. Spaceboy, Kraken, Rumor, Séance, The Boy and Horror. While putting six of his children to work fighting crime, Reginald keeps the seventh apart from her siblings' activities, as she supposedly demonstrates no powers of her own.

Intrigued, she clicked on a few more links that showed poor-quality pictures of six kids in domino masks and black uniforms after complete missions. Sometimes they’re covered in blood, sometimes they’re not. The group visibly diminishes in number after 2002, a few years before she was born. Then, when they’re in their teens, it shrinks again before all articles about the group cease to exist.

Frowning, Lola then typed in Reginald Hargreeves. There are, unsurprisingly, few articles about the man himself. There were a few about his notable achievements including his knighting and entrepreneurship but most involved The Umbrella Academy. There was even audio recording of one of the few interviews he’d done, showing the man standing outside of a bank as he introduced the group to the world.

“Our world is changing. Has changed. There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary. I have adopted six such children. I give you the inaugural class of The Umbrella Academy!”

Abilities beyond the extraordinary? Lola thought, weren’t they just regular crime-fighting children? She snorted at that. There was no such thing as regular crime-fighting children. She entered her next search: Umbrella Academy superpowers.

Many articles were speculations of the full extent of the powers the children possessed, what-if questions and potential side effects or results of their use. She did learn, though, that the six powers were as followed: super strength, super accuracy, altering reality, ghost summoning, teleportation and time travel and summoning inter-dimensional beings. Lola could barely believe what she was reading. Children like this existed? And here she was, writing down her autobiography like she was someone important!

She shook her head, forcing her jealousy to dissolve. The media tended to sugarcoat everything; these kids probably didn’t have a very fun life if they were constantly on the job. And besides, of course she was important, she had time to do something noteworthy. Still, it felt like she’d entered an alternate universe and couldn’t believe she hadn’t been aware people with super powers even existed.

A part of her wanted to stop searching then and there with how muddled her mind was currently feeling but an almost morbid curiosity forced her to continue. As her final search of the night, she typed in The Boy disappearance.

Here, even less credible evidence popped up and she sifted through what she found until she had enough of a framework for a story. Apparently, he disappeared on November 10th, 2002 and his adoptive father proclaimed him dead. There were several conspiracy theories but nothing concrete, causing her to eventually give up on finding information. There was more to be found on the other siblings, she knew, but her curiosity had been satiated and she had other things to do tonight.

Standing from her desk, she went to her bedside table and opened the drawer, pulling out the two hardcover books she’d hidden in there. Tonight, she’d return them to The Umbrella Academy’s library- that was hard to believe- and get two more. Placing them in her bag, she wondered about the lack of security for such an at-risk family, but she’d seen pictures of Hargreeves; he was old, and despite being incredibly smart, he probably had difficulty with technology like any older person. It wouldn’t matter much now that he was dead, though.

Turning her feet towards the door to head downstairs for dinner, she wondered if the stooped figure she’d seen had been Hargreeves before quickly discarding the thought. While the man had appeared old, he’d always stood straight and proud, never bent with age.

During dinner, she let her parents and uncle talk around her while she puzzled over the mysterious Umbrella Academy. They seemed to have a fairly large fanbase in their youth, but all information on them was practically made up or guessed. Lola had always liked puzzles.

Finally, towards the end of dinner, she broke her silence, “mom?”

Diana turned towards her daughter, pushing back her short, brown hair behind her ear, “yes, Dolores?”

The younger girl winced. Her mother insisted on using her formal name, “do you know anything about The Umbrella Academy?”

Now she had both of her parent’s attention as Edmund cut off the conversation with his brother, “The Umbrella Academy?”

Lola nodded, “the superhero children of Reginald Hargreeves?”

Her mother shook her head, “a bit after my time, dear.”

The brunette girl rolled her eyes, “you’re not that old, Mom.”

Diana shot her a look, “I never said I was old, just that I didn’t know them.”

She grumbled under her breath, crossing her arms and pouting. She’d only been trying to give a compliment. Unfortunately, the dark-haired woman leaned over and gave her daughter a firm smack on the back of her head, “don’t grumble, Dolores. You sound like a caveman.”

There was just no winning with her. Thankfully, her Uncle Edmund came to the rescue by changing the subject, “any progress on your autobiography, Sequins?” he asked with an amused twinkle in his hazel eyes.

The brunette sighed and uncrossed her arms, using one of her hands to push her hair away from her face, “I don’t know what’s even the point anymore,” she complained, “especially with super-powered kids who are more interesting than me.”

Her father gave her a fond look, “you’re just as important as they are, don’t think that you’re not. And besides, this Umbrella talk reminds me- one of the children of the Academy published an autobiography a few years back, you might want to take a look at it.”

She shot him a surprised look, “really? Exposing superhero secrets?”

He shrugged, “I’m not sure of the extent of what’s written, but it’s probably worth taking a look, right?”

She chewed her lip in thought for a moment before nodding, “okay, thanks Dad.”