#one day when i can play a song with actual confidence i might post myself but that’s a hard maybe

[shakespearean-dream]

okay i’m allowing myself one more pointless ramble post into the void before i get off my ass and finish my IHNMAIMS designs

[sunshinebingo]

Writing tag game by @bonecarversbestie Thank you @sadiegirl2021 @aldbooks @hlizr50 for tagging me 🤭

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing?

My ideas can come from anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes it strikes me like lighting. Or sometimes I draw inspiration from literally anything... A conversation, song, a single word, an outfit, a colour, font, texture, a feeling, picture, a quote... Literally anything at all

One of my favourite part is the drafting. Mine can quickly escalade to something out of my control as new things come up as I'm writing one thing. It gets messy very quickly. There's a table that I love to do for some of my fics where I note down some silly things about my stories like what it tastes like, smells like, feels like etc. It helps me set the mood whenever I go to write the fic and it's really fun to do.

When I have big drafts, the writing is like assembling a giant puzzle with scattered pieces, some might get lost under the table. It can be anywhere between frustrating and fun. For the fics with drafts that aren't elaborate I just go with the flow and see where the story takes me.

I edit while I write. Mostly when I get stuck in the story or when I need a break.

When the chapter is complete, I like to go through the whole thing and "add some flavour". It's just sprinkling a few little things here and there that sometimes aren't really significant but which just add that little something. Like an adjective, or a small action like a smile or a glance, etc etc

Then it's editing again. Then sending to the beta readers sometimes. Then edit again based on their feedback. Then I struggle (in bold because damn it's hard) to pick a title.

Then it's making the moodboard or title card. I love this step too even though not all them turn out great. I like listening to music while doing this and play around with the pictures and colours, effects, fonts etc.

And then it's struggling again to come up with a synopsis/summary.

Then it's panic while I post because I'm always scared that people will find my stories and my writing terrible.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Both. Some of my drafts are really thorough with full conversations, detailed descriptions, the mannerisms of the characters etc. It's like you only need to add a few connecting lines and boom you've got the complete story.

But also, sometimes I just go with the flow. In fact most of the time I let myself be guided by the characters and just write whatever they are up to. I am often surprised by the things that happen in my fics.

The fact that the characters guide me sometimes happen while I'm drafting. Or other times when I am actually seriously writing it. Because of that, there are times when I finish writing and realise that "oh I forgot I actually had a plan. Well now it changed 🤷"

What do you listen to when you are writing?

Anything that helps get me in the mood of the story I'm working on. Could be songs, ambient music, movie scores, instrumentals, classical music...

What’s your drink of choice (while writing)?

Again, anything. I write at any hour of the day or night, whether in public or when I'm by myself. So water, coffee, beer, whatever

Promote yourself! What’s your favourite thing you’ve written?

Even Lovers Drown - The story of siren Gwyn who meets shadowsinger Azriel.

I learned a lot about my writing with this one. Notably that I love writing some bloody stuff.

I haven't updated this fic in a while because I've lost my confidence about it at some point and I'm finding it hard to continue it. But it still means a lot to me and I will finish it.

Another favourite of mine is one I haven't posted yet. It's a Gwynriel Sinner/Saint fic that I hope I'll be able to post for Halloween. There's just something about writing this one that I find different from what I have done so far. I'm crossing my fingers hard 🤞 that I'll be able to complete it and that people will like it

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

I'll repeat myself and again say Even Lovers Drown. I just love it. There's fluff, smut, some blood, some action, some cliffhangers. The settings include Summer, Night, some mentions of Autumn and a place that's not canon. It happens on land, in a lake, in the sea. The IC is there too.

Do you have any advice for new writers?

New writers are probably tired of hearing this but I have to. JUST DO IT!

Confidence is built with time and practice. I speak as a fanfic writer here, write for you first. Write whatever you want. Enjoy the process of writing - the daydreaming, the drafting, the research, creating a Pinterest board, making a pretty post etc etc.

Also, surround yourself with people with shared interest. I know it's hard for some me included trust me, but do not hesitate to reach out to other writers. You can ask for advice, ask for a beta reader, just to say "hi I write too" or anything else. We all have things to learn from and about each other and it's always nice to have people to share that experience with.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

Smut. I really struggle with writing it. I think I overthink mine too much. Sometimes I can't help but compare my writing and my stories to others which then lead me to be too harsh with myself.

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Eris Vanserra. I've never written in his pov but I love him and I love including him in my fics whenever I can. I love writing others opinion of him

Tagging (no pressure): @moonlightazriel @fieldofdaisiies @thelov3lybookworm @starfall-spirit

[feyascorner]

First off, I just gotta GUSH about how much I literally love your writings and all the little hc and tiny ideas you spit out on your blog~~ so much that you are actually one of the reasons I decided to pick up writing fanfic again and of course (Astarion is a literally, gem to write about)

I would like some advice if that is alright. How exactly do you get into the writing mood? I posted a chapter of a fic I am working on, but I seem to be in a slump right now. This is due to two things: I constantly feel this pressure while writing that it simply isn't as good as the fics I read myself, and I start to question whether or not I am actually doing well expressing the fic itself.

The second is, do you ever start listening to songs and get all these different scenarios you start planning on in your head, but when you try to write it, it just turns out to be bleh or nowhere near what you pictured in your mind? How do you manage to deal with that?

Thank you so much, and also so sorry for literally ranting/venting about this lol I think I just hold you in very high regard :)

Hello friend!! I'm so happy you decided to start writing again! It’s definitely a challenge sometimes w so much time that goes into it but it’s also very satisfying to watch it all come together :)

My writing process is a little more messy than it should be to be honest…i either just start writing for no apparent reason, daydream a lot throughout the day, but I think the most common occurrence is that I play the actual game and it just inspires me since I'm constantly talking to the actual character! It’s totally okay to be in a slump, it happens too often to me too. And as for feeling like your writing isn't good enough, please know that no matter how many fics there are yours is unique as your own. There's nothing like your own writing and it’s all the more reason to post it! And remember that writing is ultimately for your own satisfaction and nobody else’s! If you don't enjoy it there's no point! So try not to second guess yourself (I do this too but there really is no need to worry :)) if it helps I like to make some program read what I wrote out loud! It helps me catch mistakes and it makes me more confident in what I'm putting out so this might help you too <3

And yes I think it’s a universal author thing where you have so many thoughts but it just..doesnt work on paper? It’s the most frustrating thing ever but what I do is write JUST the dialogue first! I've seen this advice on other pages but if I write only the dialogue it’s harder to get stuck somewhere with description or actions. And if you like the way the dialogue came out you can just fill out the rest after :)

There's no need to apologize! I love that people trust me enough to ask for advice because I know how difficult writing can be…youre doing great just by writing a few words! Good luck I hope this helped even a little bit! ❤️

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 37

Chapter 37: “Escape”

I originally only wanted to point out yet another Ray head pat, but then I noticed the adorable scene with the kids is the exact hallway we see burning up. Yes it took me this long to make that connection. Hush.

Leslie!! You sweet boy, do not play with butterflies! They're a bad omen in this series! But oh you’re so lucky to have a literal angel descend upon you like that. Pfftt okay that may be pushing it; I know Isabella has done some pretty horrible stuff, but that’s all in the future! Right now she’s a totally innocent and adorable kid!

I love Isabella with all my heart and soul (as if that wasn’t obvious enough) but I still believe they should’ve gave Leslie the credit he deserves for his song rather than have everything be named and referred to “Isabella’s Lullaby,” especially the mandolin version from the first season ost! They could’ve easily named that after him instead! Yeah the significance it holds in regards to her and Ray’s relationship is huge, but at the end of the day it’s still Leslie’s original melody.

Let me get it all out of the way and just say the anime handled Isabella’s entire flashback so much better. It has an unfair advantage since we can actually hear the song, but also because her emotions during Leslie’s shipment make way more sense. The boy she loves is leaving the house forever so naturally she would be upset! Why the manga has her waving and smiling as she says goodbye instead is something I’ll never understand. But hey, that panel helps show that the mandolin wasn’t a totally random addition to the anime when they decided to have Leslie use one in the previous scene rather than sing as he did in manga.

I know Isabella had Ray at 19 (or 20 actually..? it might be that, whatever) and whether she was that age or not when she was finally granted a mom position, I’m in awe that she looks as just as beautiful as she did back then as she does when the series starts. It’s like she didn’t age at all.

I know people will always call her a bad mom because of how she walked the kids to their death and sorta used them for her own survival, but then that logic applies to all the moms & sisters of the story as well since it’s basically in their job description. Despite all the women having the same goal, Isabella strives for perfection for the children’s sake as well. Pardon me for quoting myself in order to save me some time (y’all will see this a week later but currently writing this post out while I wait for my copy of TotK to arrive.. happy release day!):

“She provided her children with a normal lifestyle, not only to keep up the orphanage facade, but knowing that their lives would all be cut shorter than they anticipate. She gave them love in hopes that no one would ever have to feel the dread she felt after Leslie’s death and/or finding out the truth. She tried to delay that horrific fate by encouraging them to learn all they can (like teaching the trio about strategy and chess) so they could achieve higher tests scores and (unknowingly to them) add a couple more months or years onto their lives. Yes it was her job to raise these children to such high standards but she excelled at it for their sake too.”

Of course the glaring difference between Ray retelling the deal flashback and Isabella remembering it is their own emotions. In all of Ray’s flashbacks up to this point, Isabella was cold, threatening and beyond confident, but when we see it from her perspective, she is completely terrified (if only briefly) as she find out Ray is her son moments before he offers the deal to her.

“All those years spent perfecting a fake smile and emotionless exterior like she was trained to have and her son shatters it in an instant... That one moment of weakness speaks volumes to me.” -me, once again being lazy.

The fact the anime had a handful of opportunities to animate this moment from Ray’s perspective and chose to show us Isabella’s memory instead.. aahh, it’s a good move. Granted, Ray never delve into his mother-son relationship whenever he mentioned it previously, so saving that critical information for Isabella’s flashback made the reveal hit so much harder.

Isabella’s desire to survive is a valid reason to accept the mom position, but doing so out of pure spite against the demons so they couldn’t have her as their next meal is incredible and just fits her personality so well in my eyes. Of course the big downside to all that is leading other children to their own demise, but in no way was she ever ecstatic about it. While I think no death made her as distraught as Leslie’s did, she loved all the kids she raised and I have no doubt sending them all off to their own shipments was still extremely hard for her. As we saw in ep1, Isabella was humming Leslie’s song while walking Conny down to the gate and as we learned in this chapter, our lovely lady sings that song to stay strong.

Can I please hug whomever it was on the anime staff that had the brilliant idea to have Isabella let her hair down because DAMN she is so GORGEOUS!!

The anime is superior in so many ways for this scene. Not only because of how beautiful Isabella is right here (though it is a real big reason for me), but with everything else previously mentioned too. I swear I’ll never get over this though.. oh what I wouldn’t give to see Demizu draw this woman like this just once.

Go ahead and catch me sobbing over all of this!!

Simply amazing how she somehow concluded that Phil was in on the whole plan as well. But look at her, openly caring for the children without even worrying about her caretaker status anymore. Seems no different from before, huh? That’s because she’s always cared! If ya listen closely you can hear the broken chidoroki record saying “best mom” on repeat. And I certainly can’t forget to mention the comforting head pat as well. Aahh, no wonder your son does this so much to the other kids too.

Okay well, hate to burst your bubble here sweetie, but just because you won’t personally see the shipments, doesn’t mean they’ll all stop completely. I assure you they’re still happening in the other plantations, even with Isabella reducing the frequency of them once she becomes Grandma. And the whole idea of not watching others die.. ohhh, I wish I could be hopeful for you about that but unfortunately y’all are still gonna witness some hard loses and countless close calls soon enough.

I truly am so proud that the fifteen of them managed to escape that harsh reality they were forced into. And as much as I don’t wanna mention the anime anymore after this because of that unspeakable second season, it’ll probably still happen. I enjoyed all the comparisons so far since both medias just had relatively small changes here and there, but with the second season however.. yeah there’s gonna be a ton of complaints. (I do praise it occasionally, but it’s still a huge upset.)

Favorite panel/moment:

There’s so many I wanna choose from thanks to all the Isabella moments, but I really love this entire page. Seeing her sing Leslie’s song to the children to calm them (& probably herself) down is so sweet. I wish the anime had given us that. They had the main theme playing which includes the song’s melody anyway, so I can’t really complain too much about that. But learning she indirectly helped the escapees by retrieving their ropes so the farm doesn’t know exactly where they escaped from is also wonderful. She really didn’t care about her life anymore once she accepted defeat, which is kinda sad in a way, but still so wholesome that she’s prioritizing everyone’s needs and happiness above her own.

Oh, you know how Isabella sings the song to keep herself strong? Ya ever wonder if Ray’s done so for the same reason? Yeah he used the song to help confirm he was Isabella’s son, but the only other time we hear it from him was right before Emma finds him waiting in the dinning hall. Just imagining him being that scared to finally put his crazy pyro plan into action to end his own life and using the song to try and calm himself down.. ow, my heart.

[cryptidsurveys]

Friday, August 23rd, 2024.

First thing you touched this morning? Most likely my phone or one of my cats.

Last thing you yelled at? My dad was downstairs sneezin' up a storm yesterday, so I shouted a few "BLESSIN'S!" to him.

Is your car a piece of crap? Nope. It's around sixteen years old, but it still runs beautifully.

What’s something you’re looking forward to in the next 7 days? Visiting the Mountain Park - hopefully next Wednesday or Thursday.

What’s annoying you right now? This damn headache. It's been coming and going since last Wednesday and I'm just so over it! D;

When is the last time you looked in the mirror? After my post-animal shelter shower.

Would you have a long distance relationship with the person you are with now? I'm not in a relationship. In general, I'm not entirely opposed to a temporarily long-distance relationship, but I would make it very clear from the beginning that I'm not going to be the one uprooting my life in order for us to be together.

Who was the last person to make you really mad? Probably my mom during the initial stages of our reconnection. I didn't let her see the full extent of it (I mostly went home and grumbled to my dad about it), but I did eventually speak up and she's been a lot better about certain things since.

Where is the last place you had sex? Home.

Who is the last person you had sex with? A past partner.

Do you enjoy watching porn? No.

What’s your favorite drinking game? I've never played a drinking game.

Do you cry often? I would say regularly but not excessively.

Do you think someone is thinking of you right now? It's definitely possible.

Choose one to have (beer, cigs, or weed)? Cigarettes. An unfortunate habit I still haven't kicked. I quit smoking weed several years ago; the few times I smoked after that left me feeling dizzy, so I don't think I'll ever go back to it. And when it comes to alcohol, I have to be careful because it's very much a slippery slope. I try to keep it to rare/special occasions only.

Do you wish on stars? I wished on 11:11 earlier because I just want this headache to go awaaayyy.

Are you a big flirt? No.

What is the most disgusting prank you’ve ever done? Probably those stupid prank phone calls I made when I was a kid. It was the one and only time I was ever grounded for something, lmao. I was totally out of hand.

What would you do if you became pregnant? Ugh.

When did you last make out with someone? Was it good? Years ago.

Do you like your body? I've been pretty happy with it lately. It's becoming increasingly toned due to animal shelter work, and the way I carry myself is changing too. I'm starting to look more laidback and confident instead of hunched and anxious.

Are you a likeable person? Yeah.

Who did you dream of last night? I don't remember last night's dreams. I'm also falling so behind on my dream journal… Maybe later I'll try to jot down any recent fragments I can recall.

Whose body do you wish you had? I'm fine with my body. I just wish it didn't get so many migraines. Or ANY migraines.

What is the first thing you are going to do when you get home? I am at home. I showered. Then I laid in bed for a bit and listened to a YouTube video.

When is the last time you saw your mom? Yesterday. My parents and I went out for lunch at Pizza Ranch.

Have you ever been so in love, you wanted to get married? Yeah. Lol that yearning feels so unserious now. I truly loved those people, but I was so naive.

Did you get lucky on prom night? I didn't go to prom.

Is there a song that makes you cry? There are songs that have that potential.

Are you normally a horny person? No. I'm actually afraid of that feeling.

Where is your self-esteem from 1 (low) to 10 (high)? It's pretty decent. I'd give it a 6.5.

What color are your eyes? Hazel.

Plans for tonight? Just chillin'.

Plans for the weekend? Volunteering. I think Saturday will be a full day and Sunday might (?) be a half day - it just depends on who's going to be there. If they're short staffed, then I'll probably stay all day.

[peacockrulz]

youre so right about narration!! i could go on all day really, its the biggest thing for me that takes a fic from good to great, especially with characters like j- characters with a persona of sorts, characters that lie to themselves or are in denial, or characters with a lot they need to sort through, and j is sort of all three in some capacity. i cannot wait for hostile takeover to update! if you ever decide to try writing a fic id love to give it a read! ive noticed you have a lot of interesting ideas about characters and their dynamics through your fanart, something i think could translate to writing well. you also clearly have an understanding of what makes a fic good- though i know from experience its often easier said than done. still, id love to see you try! this is actually my first time rp-ing canon characters, ever. right now im playing j (thanks hostile takeover) in a discord server, though i might try n soon because i reaaallly struggle with characterizing him. ive been roleplaying my whole life really! i started with roblox warrior cats though... im shuddering with you id kill for more dollxn art from you though. no pressure but you get them it seems. its been a while since i listened to final girl but its definitely their song suggestive lyrics or not i hope they die and go to robo-hell together <3 - juzi anon

*sigh* putting this under a readmore because HOO BOY did I maybe went full analyzer on this one. thanks for your time Juzi Anon <3

I've read alotta fics in my time on the internet and honestly? I don't think I've ever read a fic that hooked me on a character narration quite like Hostile Takeover's J. J's awareness of every part of what shes doing and how shes doing it makes it even more subtle when you realize that despite all of that, she has so little awareness over what she thinks. Like she doesn't question it. Uzi's narration makes a point to show how she censors her own thoughts, she doesn't allow her mind to wander to certain parts of the past, shes completely aware of how some thoughts sound and decides against saying it all together. Meanwhile, J will go on and on about how much better the job would be without V's constant talking back and N's inability to do anything right, and in the same paragraph be constantly thinking about the argument with V, and what got V so messed up to begin with. J is like a rock, a precipice of confidence. But the moments where she doesn't know what to do, (like when she thought she was going to die in that church tower from the rising sun) its almost like she has to put on appearances even in a moment where shes completely panic-ed, that she still somehow has to pretend she knows what shes doing, even with no one around. Its why the fic made me rethink J in general, I've loved J for while but Hostile Takeover was the first time I actually was able to SEE what J could be as a character story. It really puts into perspective how important narration can be in telling a damn good story. (Sorry this became a J paragraph. I could analyze fics for the rest of my life and be happy lol)

Haha maybe one day I'll finally sit down and write. I'm not really the greatest at translating my thoughts to text, for some reason its easier for me to illustrate my feelings about a character then to write it out. The only reason I can draw fanart like that is because I analyze these characters to death lol. Looking at all the angles of two characters and then asking the question of 'what would it take for them to be on friendly terms' is a pass time I indulge it frequently!!!! Thats why I like rarepairs, sometimes they're dynamics are alot more unique than most, even if they're 2 characters that have never once canonically interacted (which is my favorite. Alot more creative thinking with that one yknow?) Still, maybe I'll get to it :O (prolly would practice writing analysis post first. because I always have to stop myself from doing it on other posts XP)

I've also grew up on roleplaying (my brother is into roleplaying and that got me started on it lol) used to roleplay on roblox even before I could read (which. isn't a joke actually. who gives a 5 year old unrestricted internet access???) funnily enough I can't even say I ever completely grew out of it, I still visit alot of roleplay maps on roblox (including WCUE!! never actually roleplayed there but I think its fun to spec) but mainly I used to roleplay on animal-based mmos like FeralHeart in my younger days.

Iffff,,, I could say anything about N's character,,, to hopefully help inspire some ability to write him (and sorry this gets its own paragraph) I would probably say that he is a very self-destructively selfless person, whos never gotten over anything or anyone in his life (I.e when V was in stasis during their time in the manor, N constantly visited her and would draw pictures of the two of them together ((as lizards)) and is kinda implied to have been reading books to her during this time. Even after getting 'digitally lobotomized', while N couldn't exactly remember V as he knew her back then, he still carried that affection he had for her all that time ago. He never stopped caring about V, even when he forgot) while I wouldn't describe N as in anyway 'innocent' or 'naive', N still has a habit of unconditionally caring about pretty much anybody lol. He had like, what, a 27 minute conversation with Uzi? And while it wasn't enough to completely convince him, it still was something that made him hesitate ("I really enjoyed our time together,"). And while I'm here (having mentioned Uzi) I would also say N is a very lonely character, seeing as he was often belittled by his peers (J) or in some cases completely ignored (V, but she had her reasons and thats a different discussion) a funny part of N's character is just how much he IS like Uzi. A person completely isolated by his kind because of how he is, who was never given an explanation as to why, why everyone is so oddly cruel to him. The biggest difference though being that N never fought it, he completely accepted getting knocked around if it meant he could stick around. It took someone else to point out how fucked his situation was to make him think twice about it. Uzi is the type of character to go down kicking screaming and punching(asterisk but thats also a different discussion), and N, despite being in such a similar place to her, isn't that kind of guy. While I wouldn't say N is the type to take everything lying down, there is something to say about just how much he is willing to take before getting angry, yknow? Overall, I think N is a very loving, loyal-to-a-fault, kinda guy, but his compassion for those around him is often times the reason he gets so tunnel-visioned in the first place (i.e causing explosions and throwing rocks and debris everywhere in a mass, angry panic, trying to go save V.) and its why he is so willing to get himself hurt in the first place. ("I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with that thing.") (Or yknow, cutting his arm off, but thats alot less selfless-ness and alot more self destruction) His patience and understanding is one of his biggest strengths and somehow always the reason he gets hurt. Basically I think he need to go a lil insane as a treat.

((Oh its also good to note that his unconditional love for everyone around him is also the only reason why he has lived this far to begin with (the characters this includes: V, Uzi, AND Cyn.)))

I also think the above, is the reason why I enjoy NxDoll so much. it takes SO MUCH for him to hate someone and yet Doll did the one thing that would make him do it (hurting someone he cares about the most). I just knoooowwww if they saw eachother in that church it would've been ON. That fight would've taken out the whole god damn BUILDING. it would be two people fighting for the exact same fkcing reason!!! REVENGE!!! the horrible chain of trauma contuines with them!!! killing one will only leave the other with what remains!!!! And yet I also see them as two people who would really benefit from being on friendlier terms. Both becasue N's softness is just not something we ever see Doll treated with, and because Doll's avocation for justice might just be the thing N needs to get a god damn backbone for once and earn himself some self-appreciation.

But I also think its more fun when its enemies AND lovers.

They should make eachother worse <3

[3pirouette]

The Captain and the Missus (4/?)

Title: The Captain and The Missus 

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Spoilers: AU of CA:TFA

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :) 

Story Summary: Instead of wanting to recreate the serum, Schmidt wants every trace of it wiped from existence so he can be the sole one to benefit from it. This means that Steve’s life is in danger, and Peggy’s new job is to keep him alive as he travels in hiding with the USO tour. 

Story A/N: AU of CA: TFA, based on @roboticonography’s idea of having Peggy go on tour with Steve as “Mrs. America”

(Robot’s post HERE: https://3pirouette.tumblr.com/post/654017864817360896/steggy-24-49)

SO... Yes. yes, it's true. I've somehow managed to only update this once a year during the past three years for Steggy Week. At least I'm consistent.

For 2023, this satisfies Steggy Week Day 2: WIPs and Updates.

Chapter 4: Bubbling Pots

Summary: Peggy and Steve are off on their adventure, but she’ll need to start relying on him just as much as she wants him to rely on her if this is going to work.

A/N: My goal today was to reacquaint myself with the story and get a good outline going. After I did that, I realized that I do, in fact, have a fairly solid chapter. I only ended up doing a few edits. I spent most of my time working on where the story is going, and figuring out what comes next. So, you ACTUALLY GET A CHAPTER. And without having to wait a year!

~*~

Peggy sat in the audience, next to Steve, while the chorus girls sang on stage. She tried to keep a pleasant look on her face as the one on the end, Marie, warbled off key, but found it quite difficult. She and the rest of the cast were filling the seats as they slowly moved through the script. 

“This reads like a bad radio play,” Steve whispered, leaning over. 

Peggy hummed, nodding in agreement. The “scenes” they were to play between song and dance numbers were trite and silly. “Think of whose left, though. Wives and kids, mostly. They’re not looking for Shakespeare or Descartes, just some hope and a little time to forget.”

“True,” he looked around, leaning closer to her and dropping his voice. “Just seems so disingenuous.”

“Most of it is, anything they think will squeeze a penny from our pockets,” Angie leaned over the seatback between them, voice barely more than a whisper. “Since all the proceeds here are going to the war effort, you can almost forgive it, but that’s all showbiz is: trying to figure out what will get butts in seats.”

Peggy almost smiled, but winced as Marie missed another high note. She waved the script she’d been given just an hour ago when they arrived at the rehearsal. “You really think this drivel will get people coming?”

“That drivel?” Angie draped her arm over the seat and poked Peggy’s script. “No, not at all.” She shrugged and rested her chin on her folded arms. “And Marie’s gotta stop telling them she’s a soprano when she’s clearly an alto, or the little bit of draw we’ve got in the music’s gonna head south, too.” 

Steve dropped his head in his hands as the piano player plunked out a line of harmony for the singers. “This is going to be so embarrassing.” 

“Aw, don’t worry, Cap.” Angie’s sarcasm softened, “Usually after some rehearsal they figure out what fits, what doesn’t, and the show gets at least a little better.”

Peggy reached over, letting her hand sit on his shoulder. He wasn’t a boastful man to begin with, and she’d seen the little hints of panic in his eyes when they talked about the show. Getting on the stage was not going to be easy for him. “You’ve done many of these, Angie?”

“Many might be an exaggeration, but I’ve auditioned and understudied loads of them. Usually got cut by the time they had the show ready to take on the road, but that ain’t happening this time.” Her smile and confidence were infectious, and it bolstered Peggy. 

“I’d hope not,” Peggy supplied as they all clapped mindlessly as the trio of girls exited the stage and the director called up a pair of tap dancers. 

Angie leaned back. “Certainly won’t. I was ensemble then. I’m a feature now.” She sighed, picking up her script and flipping through. “Though, who knows. Last show I toured with they replaced a bunch of girls once they got to Chicago.”

“Why?” Steve tried to split his attention between the conversation and the dancing happening on stage. 

“Who knows? I mean, Doris was a rough dancer to begin with- and she wasn’t getting any better, so that’s probably why she got the axe. There were a couple of girls- well,” Angie leaned forward, a smile on her face as she stage whispered, “when you’re on one of these shows, there are rules about how late you can stay out and who with- be glad you don’t have to worry about those, English, because I think a few of the girls got caught with some GIs one night and that’s why they were ousted. We never knew for sure, but they were out all crying and sobbing the next day.” 

While Steve was enthralled and Angie was completely unbothered, the tapping was starting to fray Peggy’s nerves. She found it difficult to focus on the information Angie was giving her- information she sorely needed as she had almost none. “Who enforces such a thing?”

“They call her a chaperone, but she’s basically a baby sitter who rats people out when they want to have fun. I don’t think they’ve hired one for us yet, though. At least, if they have, we don’t know about it.”

~*~

“You know, we weren’t involved in any of the morning rehearsals, either,” Steve mused, underlining and making little notes next to his lines in his script as he sat on the bed. Peggy and Steve were dismissed for the day just before lunch while the director worked on the choreography they weren’t involved in. “They made us go just to get scripts?”

“Probably,” Peggy mused, trailing her own pencil against the back of her script, the list of the names of the cast lined up in her neat handwriting as her nails tapped on the wood. She’d told Angie she was horrible with names, and had asked the girl to go through each cast and crew member as she made a list on the back of her script. Now, she perused the names as she sat at the small table, mentally ticking off the little she knew about each of them. Usually, she didn’t have a problem connecting a face with a name, but she usually didn’t meet so many in such a short amount of time, and she usually had one or two to focus on. 

Steve hummed low in his throat, turning another page. “This is really horrible. ‘I’ll fight for the right of justice along the Earth!’ I mean, who talks like that?”

Peggy tapped her manicured nails along the edge of the table in a quick tattoo. “You do, apparently,” she replied with little thought. 

“’Where Hitler goes, I’ll follow.’ Really?” He huffed, shaking his head. He turned his head, taking her in when she didn’t reply, listening to the nervous tapping of her nails, watching as her knee bounced in time, her breathing just a little heavier than normal. “Peg?”

“Hum?”

He tried to smile, but couldn’t hide that he was a little concerned. “You’re gonna put a hole in that table if you keep tapping on it like that.”

She leaned back, the chair creaking under her. “We’re on our heels,” she muttered, lifting her hand from the table, the nervous tapping continuing as she placed it on her thigh without the tell-tale noise. “It’s a bad place to be.”

Steve set the script next to him. “What do you mean?”

She shook her head, rubbing her hand over her face before looking back down at her list. “I know nothing about any of these people, and from what I learned from Angie today it seems any one of them would be just as likely as another to be an operative.” She sighed, tossing her pencil on the table. “I should have traipsed around Europe pretending to be a lounge singer,” she mumbled, “less background to worry about than a secretary or a seamstress.” 

“But you said you can’t sing,” Steve supplied, trying to lighten her mood. 

“Don’t.” She didn’t turn her head, but looked at him before turning her attention back to the names. “I don’t sing. Doesn’t mean I can’t sing; I simply choose not to.” She leaned back and sprung from the chair at his interested hum, unwilling to give up on her frustration and pacing the room. “I don’t like being on my heels.” 

He slipped forward to let his feet dangle off the bed, closer to where she walked the length of the room. “I see that.”

“Usually I have something,” she scrubbed her hands down her thighs, trying to walk off the anger, “a place to start. Even if it ends up being wrong, I have a place to start.” 

He shrugged, pushing his script to the side and motioning towards hers. “Isn’t that list a place to start?”

She looked at him, pausing for a moment and bouncing her head on her shoulders in what wasn’t exactly a nod but wasn’t a shake, either. “Yes and no,” she muttered, moving back into her pacing. “Usually, I have a target or a suspect. Someone I can focus on.” She stopped leaning back on the stacked cases. “There’s no person of interest, no place to start at, just a list as long as my arm of suspects and nothing to go on, not until one of them tries something, which might be too late.” 

Steve smiled, shaking his head. “You’re taking this way too seriously.”

She leaned back, affronted. “I am not.”

He looked at her back as she turned, opening the top case and pulling out the file she’d hidden in the lining the night before, opening it to reveal the scant information they did have. He sighed, “Ok, maybe that’s not what I meant, but so far I haven’t seen anything aside from that horrid writing that I would call dangerous.”

“That’s the point,” she huffed, turning back to him, top secret papers strewn across the top of her clothes is the case. “You don’t see it coming until it goes pear-shaped. And it will, Steve. We know it will.” 

“Brandt might be planning something. But right now, we’ve just got a bunch of show kids looking to put on a show. Not a single suspicious face in the crowd. Even if someone tries something, I’ll be fine.” He shrugged, trying to lighten her mood. “I can lift tanks, remember?”

Peggy swallowed, hard, and tried to keep her composure. “Oh, I remember.” She looked at him coolly, eyes falling to the floor. “I remember your blood flowing through my fingers, and Erskine’s on the ground next to me as it poured out of him.” She set her chin, looking at him fiercely. “Very few evil men telegraph themselves by wearing a swastika on their sleeve,” she bit out. “That operative didn’t, and someone in our ranks isn’t, and that means your life is in danger here, silly little show or not.” 

Something about her ire raised his own hackles, and his lips turned down, sour. “Well, then, couldn’t I be doing more somewhere else? Somewhere where they do wear their allegiance on their sleeve and I’d know who the bad guy was?” He stood, pacing himself. “Europe, for example?” He sighed, hands on his hips. “I’m not sure what you want, here, Peggy. Neither of us likes this.” 

The fight had bloomed so quickly she wasn’t sure where it had come from, or why his words hurt her so deeply. “No, I suppose neither of us do,” she replied, knowing it was harsh. She did, actually, like being with him very much. It was the intelligence side she couldn’t stand. “The quicker we figure this out, the quicker we’ll be done with all this.”

The words hurt the moment she said them, and she could see the pain in Steve’s eyes. “Sure,” he replied tersely, looking as small as the day she’d met him. “We get through this, we get an annulment, and you get to go back to the SSR and I’ll head out to Alamogordo.” He turned, heading for the door. 

She crossed the room, her hand on his wrist stopping him from leaving. “It’s not what I meant,” she whispered. 

“I think you might have,” his reply was soft, wounded. “I’m no prize, Peg, and we both know this is babysitting duty.”

She stepped in front of him, taking his hand. “This is not babysitting duty,” she whispered emphatically. “What has happened to you may be the most important discovery in the history of science. There may be a war on, and you may have been meant to be a soldier, but think of all we’ll lose if you’re lying dead on a battle field or in the footlights on a stage? Same result, either place.”

“So, I’m a thing then,” he resigned, looking away. “you’re stuck babysitting Brandt’s Science Fair winning experiment, is that it?”

“Stop being thick,” she ordered, turning his head back to her. “That laundry list of ailments you read me that kept you out of the Army is cured. Cured.” She softened, letting her fingers caress his cheek as they fell from his face. “With Erskine gone, you and Howard are the only ones who can recreate his work.” She stopped his response by speaking again. “How many able-bodied men would we have at our disposal if we could cure asthma? Polio?” She saw his self-deprecation turn a little at her words and she pressed on. “What would your mother have given to see you better as a little boy, hum?” 

“I don’t think Howard needs me to—”

“He might,” she interrupted. She shook her head and looked up at him, smiling. “Erskine gave the Army a super soldier because that’s what they wanted. But his research? His research had always been about helping people, curing people, making them better.” She stepped back, putting space between them. “You might be able to lift tanks and fight Nazis, but in truth Erskine was more interested in your health, and what that could mean for the future of medicine. He just didn’t have enough time to show you that.” She squeezed his fingers tight. “There may come a day when they call you to the front, but his life’s work lives within you, Steve. Don’t discount your safety so easily.” 

His ire was abated, and he nodded. “I’m sorry, I just…” he shrugged, looking down at their hands, at a loss for words. 

“We’re on our heels, both of us,” she pulled him back to the edge of the bed, sitting next to him and pulling her hand from his. 

He nodded, rubbing his fingers against his palm, his hand empty without hers. “But we’re a team.”

She smiled, a little calmer. “Yes, yes we are.”

He looked around, setting his jaw and his mind after a quiet moment. “So, how do I help you?” 

His question caught her off guard. “Help?”

He nodded, somber. “I can’t… do… anything right now but read these ridiculous lines over and over and get ready for rehearsal tomorrow. But it seems like you need help, so…” he shrugged. “How do I help you?”

She scrubbed her hand over her face. She’d always worked on her own, never had a partner to play out scenarios and thoughts with, she wasn’t exactly sure how to voice her process. “Well, I… I’m trying to get a handle on who these people are. It’s… infuriating how little I know about them.” She pointed towards her script. “The more I know about people, the easier it is to catch them in lies, or pick up when they mess up details. Right now, I can hardly put a face to a name.” 

“When you have dossiers,” he finally put together, “you have something to compare their stories to.”

“Exactly.” She nodded, feeling a little lighter with him taking on even the tiniest of the burden. “But I don’t have anything to compare it to, and quite frankly I’ve never had to try to weed out a suspect from so many unknowns before. Usually, I have no trouble with it, but keeping their details straight seems like a herculean task at the moment.”

Steve looked around the room and bounced up, quickly darting to his own trunk and coming back with his sketch pad, setting it on his lap to an open page and smiling as he split the large paper into four sections. “Who should we start with?” 

Peggy wasn’t sure exactly his plan, but she picked the most obvious and easy to manage. “Angie.”

“Angie,” he repeated, scratching out her name across the top of the first box. “What do we know about her?” he asked without looking up, instead concentrating as he sketched out a rough likeness of her face in the corner. He nodded as Peggy listed off the few concrete facts she’d mentioned, writing them across from her picture, just like it was his own classified dossier he’d seen often enough on Phillip’s desk. Below her picture he added his own words: friendly, talkative, and nosy. 

Peggy laughed, a smile on her face. “I believe ‘gossip’ would do well there, too.”

He nodded, adding it for good measure. “Anything else?”

“Not just now. Who else do you remember?”

“All of them,” he said shyly, one shoulder shrugging up. “I had a real good memory before the serum, but Howard called it ‘beyond photographic’ now.”

Peggy was astounded as Steve spent the rest of the afternoon sketching the cast from memory in quick likenesses, helping her recall details about their stories and listing them on the pages. As they completed each page of four people, she tacked it up inside the trunk’s lid with pins from her sewing kit, and by the end of the afternoon they sat staring at the entire cast and crew, laid out like any war room list of suspects she’d ever seen. 

“Thank you,” she smiled, running her hand over his shoulder. “We don’t know any more, but this…” she took a deep breath, “this makes me feel like it is a little less overwhelming.” 

He chuckled, looking over the nearly fifty faces. “I think it’s still pretty overwhelming, now that we’re looking at it.”

“But I don’t have to remember it all off the cuff while trying to memorize trite lines,” she added, standing and running her hand over it. “We can add what we’ve learned each night, compare and contrast what they’ve said. With a pool of suspects this big, this can only help.”

~*~

Steve was distant at dinner, despite the way he’d helped her and the smiles they’d shared after their strained afternoon. He remained thoughtful and stoic as she made her toilette and they swapped times in the small bathroom. He was still and quiet as she read in bed, sitting in the little wooden chair, staring out the window. 

It wasn’t until they were both in bed, lights out, that he spoke. “Bucky used to call me a self-righteous asshole after he knocked out whatever bully I’d managed to rile up,” he started in a soft voice, staring at the ceiling. “But my Ma just used to say I was like a little bubbling pot, I’d boil over when you least expected me to.” He laughed, a little burst of something between a happy remembrance and the darkness of loss. “I remember when I was a kid, sometimes I’d just get so angry…” 

She looked at him as he sighed, his long eyelashes fluttering as shadows over his cheeks, silhouetted in the moonlight, waiting for him to say more through long, quiet breaths. 

“I hid it, so much, until it would just burst out, you know? I’d be so mad I was stuck inside all winter that I’d finally lash out and have a tantrum, then end up gasping for breath, my Ma standing over me and shaking her head.” He smiled in the darkness. “She’d chide me a little, but mostly shake her head and remind me that the Asthma was why I was stuck inside instead of out playing in the snow in the first place.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I got better at hiding it the older I got. Let my anger out better places, but it still didn’t stop me from picking fights with bullies or doing some idiotic thing to make a point about a school rule or some other stupid, hare-brained stunt I’d come up with when I wasn’t thinking straight.”

He turned his head, looking at her in the darkness, eyes boring into hers. “I’m sorry I picked a fight.” She nearly stopped him, but nodded instead, curious to see where he was going. “It’s been a lot—”

She laughed, a light, soft sound. “Steve, it’s been less than a week since you were picked for the Project. You’re allowed to be a little overwhelmed.”  

“Doesn’t mean I can be rude or thoughtless or a jackass,” he shrugged, the blanket over them shifting. “You’re in this, just like me.” He smiled in the darkness. “We’re both on our heels.”

“I’ve never been in a situation like this before,” she whispered, reaching her hand out on the pillow between them. “I’ve always had an out, a safety, a handler who was just a phone call and an extraction point away. When whatever is going to happen here happens, it will be just us. You and me.” He reached out, taking her hand and twining them together as she continued. “We won’t have Howard or Phillips or the Army, just each other.”

“I think we can do that,” he replied gently. 

Peggy turned to the ceiling, not letting go of his hand but suddenly understanding the freedom the white plaster and cover of darkness gave her to be just a little more honest. “Every night when I close my eyes, I see it again: the bullet piercing you, you falling, Erskine falling just a second and a shot later. The blood pumping from your chest.” She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “I don’t ever want to see that again, Steve. Not ever.” 

“Not if I can help it,” he replied softly, holding her hand just a little tighter. 

“You won’t, not if you don’t take this just a little bit more seriously.” She turned back to him, knowing her eyes were pleading. “I know it’s not what you want, and I can’t make you want it. But we’re here now and there is a very real threat, that I can promise you.” 

He nodded, closing his eyes for a second. “I can do that. It’s just hard,” he barked out a laugh, tipping his head to the table where their scripts lay, “with that sitting there, staring me in the face like some farce.”

“It’s hardly Shakespeare,” she replied with a smile, “but needs must, and while it might not win any awards, there will be little children who might somehow find some solace in the thought that a great, big super hero will be fighting Hitler right along side their fathers on the front line.” 

He shook his head. “They should pick up a Superman comic, then.”

“They should look up to someone like you,” she rebutted, happy he couldn’t see her blush in the dark. “You may boil over a bit every once in a while, but Erskine picked the right man for the job. I know that, and he knew that.”

He kept her hand tight in his but rolled on his back, regarding the ceiling again. “I don’t know if I can do this, Peg.”

She didn’t move, didn’t even need to think about what she wanted to say to him. “After all the things you’ve done in basic training and in that lab, getting on stage is what scares you?”

He laughed at that, nodding. “I’ll try to take it all a little more seriously, I promise.”

“And I’ll try to do better asking for help, instead of bubbling over my own pot, alright?”

He hummed in acknowledgement and they both held the other’s hand just a little tight. 

Peggy wasn’t sure exactly when she fell asleep after that, or what time it was when she opened her eyes in the middle of the night, still turned towards the no-man’s-land of the pillow between them, their hands still tightly clasped together as he slept across from her, his mouth a  slack circle as his eyes danced behind his eyelids in dreams, but she knew when she woke up, still in the same position but devoid of his hand and his side of the bed empty, that something had changed last night. Whatever it was she was feeling, whatever he was reciprocating, was a danger they’d have to navigate just as carefully as they navigated the rest of the cast and crew. 

[sanchensky]

~ To get it all off my chest here are some BTS stuff and Sleuth Jesters sketches I didn't think were worth posting on their own but might as well make them an addition to this post <3

~ I finally have time to talk about this animatic, hurray xD

~~~

Some variant of this sketch originally had to become the very final scene for the animatic explaining how Detectives found out about Clip's hideout.

But it seemed to be too silly, I didn't really like it and had no time for redrawing so ended up leaving it out. Anyway, you can have it now xD

So, ever since I heard The Scorpion and the Frog I was obsessed with it and the idea of animatic :) But I've never done anything like this before and I'm not really good at drawing so I've decided to put an extra effort into preparation stage.

And here's my very first sketch where I was trying to understand how big is going to be the high deference between Eclipse and Vigilante

I've used Storyboarder to model the room where Vigilante was held- or at least how I imagined it xD Here are some test shots, the layout of the room and 3d model refs I did for scenes to make my life easier.

I had *so many* references I don't think I ever used that amount before in my whole life. Basically almost every scene had at least 3 refs to back it up. Photos of random people or my own, 3d models, Plum's lovely art. I've use it *all* Even some memes xD

The main goal was to try showing that dangerous dynamic between Vigilante and Eclipse via song and I'm extremely glad I actually managed to get it done somehow with expressions and poses :)

I didn't feel comfortable enough drawing blood or bruises so I had to scrap the idea of one scene where Clip would purposefully give Y/N a little scratch on a cheek with his sunray. Some other left out ideas were Clip playing with Y/N's ribbon and bells and gesturing at them with his cigar, almost touching their face with it but never actually closing the distance (he's a big show off after all)

Also I'm devastated I couldn't add a little waltz scene despite how badly I wanted to ;-; The height difference and the whole dancing thing would be just too much for me to try figuring out the science behind it.

<3!! @justaduckarts Eclipse's smiles! That was my very favorite thing to draw <3 Oddly enough the main inspiration here was Black Hat from Villainous xD Also somewhere around that time I saw rottmnt the movie and really liked the way they draw mouths there. Sharp and confident, definitely suiting for Clip :)

And the scene where Clip's eyes change was straight up painful to do xD

I knew Clip had to look scary at this one and the colour change of his optics *had* to happen but the whole pose and reveal of his last appearance had to be *impactful*. I honestly was slaying this scene for 2-3 days. Here are some of my very last sketches.

Eventually I had to stop myself but I still can't get rid of the thought I could have made it better. Thank you, perfectionism ;-;

Still when I look back at initial thumbnails- Let's say I'm glad I made it this far xD Look at all these angry little faces

Thank you so much for coming to my TED talk <3 Now I may rest in peace

Bonus sketch: a silly thing based on the comments to one of Plum's comic I did months ago :)

~ Clip JD, hell yeah~

Eclipse have had enough of Vigilante!Y\N's disregard.

It's gonna be their final talk.

TW Possesive behaviour, Mild (?) Violence

// there's a happy ending tho :)

~ ~ ~

Here's my little passion project based on Naff's Sleuth Jesters :) I'm still not quite happy with it but I really wanted to finish animatic before Christmas

♫ Used song: The Scorpion and the Frog / Trust Me

Sleuth Jesters by @naffeclipse

Detective!AU belongs to @starlightcloudbaby

Kudos to @crystalitar who originally recommended this song to Naff.

Also much love to @pure-plum who's art I've been shamelessly using as reference :)

[thegardenandthegrave]

There is something so fucking special about growing up and claiming or reclaiming the parts of yourself that you shoved down because society expected you to.

I grew up in a strict religious setting, desperate to keep my parents happy and prove I was just as gifted as they said I was.

And I know a lot of people have grown up that way. And there are still people being raised that way.

I remember watching Avatar The Last Airbender the summer I turned 18 because it had been forbidden for religious reasons. That damned show had nothing evil in it but it felt so rebellious to watch that I had to wait until I was an adult before I did it. I felt so ashamed hiding behind my laptop with my headphones in, jumping at every creak in the house.

And I've been on the outskirts of DnD groups since I was 13 but I only started playing last summer at 29. That's 16 years of communal storytelling and community and joy I missed out on.

Not because I thought it was wrong, or evil, or something I wouldn't enjoy. Because I had held on so damn hard to the identity that I had formed in my formative years that I just assumed it 'wasnt for me' and completely ignoring how envious I was of those who did play.

And I almost dated my (female) best friend the year after graduation, but we were renting a room out if my mom's place in a new city neither of us knew enough about to really be independent. And my mom caught us holding hands one afternoon, actually the very first time we were holding hands and blushing at each other and working up the courage to talk about it. . We didn't get the chance before my mom found an excuse to get me alone and then furiouslydemanded to know what was going on and saying the kind of words that aren't commonly spoken unless they're being used in a reclaiming way these days.

I spent the rest of the summer basically overdosing on melatonin from the near constant panic attack, wishing I knew how to get something stronger to numb myself out, and pushing this kind and gorgeous girl away so much she moved back to our hometown and we haven't talked since.

And when I was fifteen I looked up to my uncle so much and wanted to hang out with him all the time because he's be playing video games and listening to black sabbath and metallica. But I knew that was a boy thing, that girls weren't supposed to be into that. Especially not well mannered, straight A, college bound kids like me. I remember hearing adults talk about how his music was garbage and he needed to grow out of it and I spent that summer reading books in my room and pretending I wasn't also listening to the music through the walls.

But today, a month out from turning 30, I started playing a black sabbath song I thought I remembered from back then and I started bawling my eyes out because I liked it SO MUCH and it was so different from everything else.

And I reminded me of the all the times I passed on hanging out with friends at a local concert or begged off early from a hangout because the music wasn't appropriate. Wasn't something I out to like and so of course I hated it.

And at the end here you might be thinking this post is about regret and nonconformity and the 'cult shelterd gifted kid' to 'twenty-something burnout' pipeline.

And maybe it is all about that. But it's also about how today I'm editing a paranormal lesbian romcom series, plotting a very queer centric high fantasy, and incredibly open to everyone in my life about my bisexuality.

It's about how fucking excited I am to be turning 30 and finally getting to jam out to these songs, share that love of music with my uncle.

How I can watch whatever I want and decide for myself if it's good for me or not.

How I can discover how boring I find playing a sorcerer and just multiclass into a rogue and my DM will just roll with it because it turns out I'm not entirely a sorcerer and I'm not entirely a rogue.

I'm a little bit of both, and I've finally got the confidence to explore those parts of myself without shame, without listening through a thin wall or watching a show in secret, or pushing anything away that brings me joy.

Turns out growing up isn't the worst thing in the world and maybe it's actually a little fun.

[sprinklesandshatters]

A Review on NCT 127′s 3rd Album <Sticker>

So NCT 127 just came back with their 3rd Full Album <Sticker> and this is my first 127 comeback since I became a fan last year! Neozone is such a special album for me as it was their first album that I explored entirely. I've known NCT as the group who never fails any expectations so I've kept mine up although I know they'll exceed it anyway. And guess what, they did! I absolutely love their new album hence this review~

This isn't a technical music review—as I am not a musician myself—but rather a listener's honest takes, goofy notes, and interpretation on each of the tracks in the album. I admit I've also struggled to build my own opinions on some of the tracks until I listened to them over and over again.

I have also heard there are mixed opinions on the title track <Sticker> and a lot says it's another acquired taste. But I think it's not just that, as it can be a grower, just like how most of NCT's songs were for me. Maybe after a few listens and a right passage of time, it will grow on those people. The bottom line here is, I like it a lot! 😛

So I listed down the songs according to their respective track numbers and followed each with a bulleted list of my opinions and interpretations.

(Viewer/reader discretion: before you continue, minors, do not interact as there are few 18+ contents under the cut. Thank you.)

1. Sticker

THEY DIDN'T JUST PUNCH A NEW NOTCH ON THE BELT LIKE THAT

THIS SONG SLAPS, LITERALLY SLAPS… AND WHIPS 

The recorder at the intro boyyyy I thought something was wrong but then I remember it’s NCT lmao

It already stuck in my head from my first listen from the Instagram audio.

With Taeyong opening the verse with his divine rapping, I knew I'm in for a new ride.

STICK-UH STICK-UGH STICK-UGHGHGH

To those complaining it sounding like noise music, imagine it sounding generic. I don't think it would fit as the title track. Not a b-track or in their repertoire, even. They are called NCT because they define the NEO in the music culture and music technology!

It honestly was an unorthodox, just like all of their title tracks, which I’m inherently here for.

Literally, no one does it like them!

The growls and the vocal flexes and adlibs! (You can tell it has Yoo Youngjin's brand.)

The crisp metronome sound that’s consistently ticking except for the pre-chorus and the dance break adds depth to the soundscape. I love how it’s used instead of the usual snaps.

The production quality blew my mind. Like how can someone think those melodies would sound so exquisite? CAN I CALL THEM GENIUS?

The piano at the back, oh my God—Yes! It adds this mystifying element to the song.

I'm not sure if it's a midi violin at the pre-chorus, but it added thrill to the song. It was a great transition from the bass line in the verses to the combination of the flawless harmony with the same instrumental.

"You treat me like a boy, like a grown-up child chasing a dream" JUNGWOO BABY NO MORE HUH

Taeil, Doyoung, and Haechan—the bridge vocal trinity!

But why the heck are they cowboys? I dig the concept, but why? LMAO

BTW GUNSLINGER MARK I’M ON MY KNEES YEEHAW

This is easily one of my favorite tracks from NCT 127's entire discography 💚

2. Lemonade

(⌐■_■)

Jaehyun starting off this song with his deep voice eee

The song opens to a verse oozing with chill confidence. They're like, yeah you're lurking because we’re cool.

This is such a huge slap to their haters. NCT's not chillin' like a villain, nah they're the main characters!

Well maybe they’re villains, but still ya not cooler than them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny enough how they could have just referred haters as simply lemons whose sour/bitter to the taste, but 127 squad's success is sweeter than all the haters' spiteful remarks so yeah, SIPPY SIPPY LEMONADE 🧃

"WOOF"

I might have just barked too wOW

Yuta’s vocals hooooO his voice just sounds so glamorous mhmm

Also Mark referencing their previous title tracks such as: Firetruck, Cherry Bomb, and Regular (it's Irregular in the lyrics) in his rap part 👌💅

I just love Mark's energy when he raps. HE RESOLUTELY BITES AND STRAIGHT UP EATS EVERY TIME HE DOES.

3. Breakfast

Now breakfast time, oh jeez!

AAAHAHFU—

Summer 127's bestie!

If Summer 127 talks about dancing all night long, Breakfast is the morning after.

You know what it is.

"Even if I gulp and drink you, it's not enough for me." oho Taeyong no you ha—STOP

Sexual innuendos aside, isn't it just sweet if someone tells you they'd want to have breakfast with you every day?  Okay maybe I'm melting at the thought 😩🙈💞

And I can see myself dancing to this song as I make breakfast (in the afternoon or at midnight bc I’m crazy)

This was an okay b-track for me at the first skim on the album, but boy it grew on me wildly.

Honestly one of my favorite tracks in this album.

4. Focus

Did I just invade a private call? LMAO

The analog voice filters make it like so.

Dude, this feels intimate in the level of eavesdropping a phone call between seasoned lovers. Then you realize you hear them whispering their kinks over the line and you're ooh, that's sexy! hfgklhfhf

My first listen to this, I almost went feral because,

"I can't wait to eat you…" when it's actually "I can't wait 'til we chill…" aahaha

"Baby call me when you want me." OKAY!

This sounds relaxing and chill. I'd love to play this on a late night drive or just before bed time along with Fly Away With Me, Sun & Moon, My Youth, and Long Flight.

Belongs to ‘make out session’ playlist  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was lowkey a playlist recommendation, huh?

I'd be kidding if I don't say I could touch myself while listening to this song AHAHAFGHFJFJ

I didn't know this would grow on me this much lol I love love LOVE THIS!

5. The Rainy Night

Ooh, the holy melancholy!

Piano at the intro—I knew I'd cry to this.

This song isn't just about break-up, but the heartbreak after one.

The yearning; the remnant pieces from the shattering of what was once there.

I think I crumbled from this one.

This hit so hard I felt like I fit in the shoes with the lyrics throughout the entire song.

What’s fascinating is I clearly forgot the title when I mentally said this sounds like a sad rainy day song from the first listen.

Something I’d turn up when it suddenly rains, just because I want to feel the blues.

Taeil and Haechan singing in lower register? I wanna cry :( they’re just one of the best vocalists in K-music industry right now.

Could have been also nice if they added Yuta to the vocals.

"My selfish heart who waits for you to come back," OKAY WHO HURT THEM?

And the fact that they sang it so good that it translated every ounce of the emotions well even before I looked up for English translations is the reason why I love this song too.

6. Far

Hmm… What the hell?! Do I like this? Wait...

Alright!

The jumpy vibe from the first verse to the pre-chorus set the mood for this song. It sounds merry and heavy. It was honestly too much to take until I’ve reached the chorus part.

Honestly, I think this song could fit NCT Dream better, as it gives off a vibe similar to Hello Future's b-tracks. If some credible source say this could have made HF’s track list, I might believe you too fast.

Also Dream’s Deja Vu where they go na nananananana na na na~

Playful yet confident! That’s what I mean!

As usual, the vocals are insane! Vocal flex from left to right!

I swear Jungwoo sounded a bit like Taemin at the second verse that I had to replay it hahaha

I love hearing Johnny as a vocalist! SM, how many signs do you need until you utilize his vocal talent???

Taeil's part where he sings, "go nuts, go nuts, 'til we go bust, go bust" IDEK BUT I SNORTED A LAUGH AT FIRST LISTEN HFCAHKFHK

Not my favorite, but still great though!

But wait it’s actually stuck in my head???

7. Bring The Noize

Yes, they never beat those noise music allegations

HERE'S SOME NOIZE, BITCHES

I love me some noisy percussions. AND THE BASS YO

This screams so much confidence!

The build up from the pre-chorus to the chorus—FIRE!

This song reminds me a lot of SuperM's Super Car, especially with the engine roar samples and the battle cry-like singing at the chorus.

JAEHYUN RAPPING? You mean Jaehyun the visual, the vocalist, the actor, the model, the funny dude, aka my everything?! (markie bb look pls look away for a moment)

THEY DELIVERED IT STRAIGHT FROM NEOCITY THAT'S SOME NCT MUSIC RIGHT THERE NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM

When I said I'd play Focus on a late night drive, and if I add this in the playlist, VROOM VROOM SPEED LIMIT WHAT

OUTTA MY WAY

“We got no shame” ouh TAEYONG’S FLOW IS JUST VERY HIM AND HE’S IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN

You know what's so clever about this song? It's how it ended with Mark's final rap without any instrumental, leaving you  standing there with a doppler effect-like post experience.

A super car on a super speed just whooshed past you and you look its way as it zips through the road. It's gone in an instant but you're floored dumbfounded at a sidewalk. That's how I describe this song.

8. Magic Carpet Ride

This song… Wow. Oh gosh it's so beautiful.

Their harmony in the chorus—it makes me want to kiss someone so passionately that I'd cry.

This makes me want to feel love that transcends the universe. Literally, just please take me on a magic carpet ride :(

The background harmonies too oh my goodness—HEAVENLY.

Jaehyun's voice is so warm and soulful it fits perfectly with songs of this genre.

Okay alright Doyoung Grande!

And Taeil makes me feel like I'm listening to old school R&B.

The first time I heard this from the track video, I can't stop replaying because it's just that great.

This makes me want to love. I think that sums it up.

9. Road Trip

This is such a soothing song for me, especially how I easily become nostalgic thinking about the road trips I've had.

Whenever I listen to this, my brain immediately conjures up thoughts of my ideal getaways. Gazing at the sky through the car window, stirring up from a nap in the middle of the ride, and   eventually reaching your destination.

Oh, to travel around anywhere... (curse you covid-19)

Okay that's it. I'M PACKING UP.

But where do I go—

I could also imagine Mark playing this on the guitar and the other members sing along together, something like that.

Just Wholesome™ vibes.

I love how it evokes such a nice emotion within me effortlessly.

This isn't my favorite, but I still love this.

10. Dreamer

Eyyyy such a refreshing song!

This song is so bright it makes me want to dance. I play this first in the shower!

It reminds me so much of Elevator (from Neozone)

The horns make it more lively I think!

Yuta and Jungwoo's voice suits lively songs like this.

The background vocal in low register in Taeyong's part in the first verse is so good ahhfhf

Taeil, the R&B vocal king you are...

There's this part where Doyoung and Johnny harmonized, that at first listen they seemed to clash, but it sounded actually fine after a few listens. Maybe it's just that I've never heard them do it before.

And I think it's Doyoung's laugh at the end of the bridge? Oh my goodness I really love this too!

11. Promise You

MY FIRST LOVE AND MOST FAVORITE SONG IN THE ALBUM!!!

The first time I heard this from their NCIT Sharehouse Sitcom, I fell in love with the song already.

It sounds like something you'd feel from a warm, welcoming hug.

The lyrics are so beautiful and endearing. It's definitely a be-there-for-you type of song that will touch your heart.

It definitely sounds like a promise.

A song about platonic intimacy.

This really fits to be the closing song of the album. It's like the end of it but holds a promise that says “see you soon.”

Because they cherish their fans like that.

It's also like I've watched a movie with a happy ending, where the camera pans up to the clear sky and this song starts playing.

Speaking of ending, I would love to hear them sing this as an encore stage in their concert. You know, that moment just before the stage lights die down at the end of the concert where they send final blows of flying kisses to NCTzens. Then you come home smiling and crying.

This wasn't supposed to be this long since I originally planned to write this with just simple phrases and emojis but I got too engrossed lol. I also meant to include my own ratings but I figured it’s pointless since I can’t really decide about them hahaha

I really enjoyed the whole album and I love how they're progressively defining what NEO means by breaking through standards. It's not NCT music if it doesn't make you say "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" But then you realize it’s stuck in your head and you’re enjoying it already.

✨ OVERALL RATING: 127/10 💚

if you’ve reached until here, thank you for letting me share you a braincell or two 💞

[lunawings]

So, a lot has progressed since I first made this post.

Let me give you a little background first.

I've always loved singing for fun, but I haven't wanted to take it seriously for a long time. Mostly because how embarassed/conflicted I've felt over how low my voice is. I dropped out of the school chorus after puberty when I realized I was no longer a soprano but had no desire to sing alto parts.

Flash forward to me today, frantically trying to make up for lost time.

In addition to regular warmups/training, I decided to try some exercizes that are supposed to increase your range in a matter of weeks. Heh, yeah right, I thought. But I decided to try anyway...

And... and it... it worked.

The voice teacher I saw that one time suggested that I do have notes up there, but they are just underdeveloped and... he was right. I realized that I never really learned to sing in head voice before now, and there's this WHOLE upper range sleeping up there that apparently I've always had and NEVER KNOWN ABOUT!?

It's kinda scary actually. Like a new super power I have to learn to control. I sounded shaky and terrible at first (and probably still have a long way to go) but over the past few weeks I've slowly started learning how to use it.

And I accomplished what I was originally training to accomplish. I've been singing with two other singers who are mezzo soprano and I was worried I could never match them, but now finally I can hold my own!

Except, as I've been becoming more and more confident with singing as a whole, another thing has changed. I've been thinking that... maybe I ought to embrace my lower range as well. The voice that makes me, me.

And so, it hit me one day, how about if I just pitch down girls idol songs, and sing them as myself? And so, I did. And it worked. Sort of.

It's fun for me to sing them pitched down, but when I play it back... it honestly just sounds like a boy trying to sing girls songs haha ha...

But at the same time I've been doing this, I'm still developing my upper range. And one day I realized. Wait. WAIT. I don't actually need to pitch these down. I... I can sing them now. It's all head voice, but all of these notes I never thought were possible, I can somehow kinda sort of reach them WHAT?

At the same time, I still feel scared and uncertain about singing high notes when I'm solo. It still doesn't sound natural. I still kinda sound like a boy trying to sing girls songs.

So then a third option came to me one day. What if I just... sing male idol songs instead? So I tried it, and found that a lot of them are... basically perfect for me.

But at the same time, I have a hard time imagining myself performing as a male idol. Like, I'm not opposed to it. It could be fun! But... it's just not me. Pigtails and fluffy skirts, that's me.

So. Now I'm having this huge internal conflict. I'm able to sing in a group, but I want to sing solo as well and I'm not sure which direction to go.

Since you actually read this far, here are some rough practice recordings I took today. Here I am covering Restart Pointer by IDOLiSH7. It sounds very much like me, or at least how my voice has always sounded up until recently.

And here is me covering Red Gem Wink by Ruby Kurosawa, 5 half steps down. This was how far I had to bring it down to sing naturally. I had a lot of fun recording this but it just doesn't sound... right...? I don't know.

And here I am, very shakily, singing it in the original key.

I'm literally terrified in this recording. I have to concentrate so much to maintain this voice. And it doesn't even sound that great. But I'm still kinda proud that I'm doing it! I literally could not sing like this at all a couple months ago. So, with practice, I could get better I think. Maybe.

Basically all three of the above are possible candidates I might use to audition for a future event. No matter which I choose and how bad I sound, I'm sure people will be supportive and cheer for me anyway.

But more importantly, I just want to find my voice and I'm not sure which way to go.

I took a very VERY big step into real life idol-dom today.

I took an online voice lesson. I have a lot to work on and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment, but I'm still really happy I made myself take the plunge and I'm feeling good about myself at the moment.

[glowingbadger]

SFW and nsfw request for Hilda, Marianne, and Dorothea pls!

Three lovely ladies coming right up ~ (I'm keeping things a tiny bit more brief than some other posts for each character since we have three this time around so this doesn't get too crazy long lol- I'm trying to pace myself a little better these days)

SFW (nsfw below the cut)

Hilda:

- Hilda is so fun as a partner, since she always knows how to have a good time without stressing the little things (or the medium things... or the big things...). She fully encourages you to join her in her lifelong effort to live as easily and comfortably as possible, and she hates to see you anxious or stressed. When you're in a bad mood, few people are as relaxing to be around, as she probably has a cute little craft she could use your help on while reminding you that "we're together, right? So between the two of us, we can get as much done with half the effort- so don't worry about the boring stuff!"

- She's the type to have really cute, thoughtful ideas for dates and gifts, but then to play it off completely when you thank or compliment her. She'll downplay gifts with a glib, "Oh, well, I was just in the mood to throw something together- it is nice though, isn't it?" doing her best to hide the please flush across her cheeks. She's confident, of course, but she doesn't immediately want to let on how much effort actually goes into her shows of affection. Overall, she's a little concerned by how her feelings for you make her want to put in effort, so if anyone comments on it, she'll do her best to disregard the conversation and act like her 'normal' self.

Marianne:

- As you might imagine, she needs a lot of assurance that you're sure you want to be with her- it simply seems too good to be true, when she harbors so many deeply seeded doubts about herself. With a good amount of encouragement though, she's a very loyal and affectionate partner. She's great at remembering birthdays, anniversaries and the like, always putting her whole heart into finding just the right token to show you the strength of her feelings. She'll also do her best to say it aloud, but she tends to murmur and stutter her way through her attempts- at least until a good while into the relationship.

- in a sort of cat-like way, her main way of showing her affection is to simply be near you (though of course, she asks over and over whether it bothers you to have her around). She loves to spend time quietly together, resting her head on your shoulder or your lap. The cutest thing is that, when you're relaxing together like this, if you brush her bangs aside and kiss her forehead, or simply smile warmly at her and tell her something simple and sweet, like how lovely her eyes are- and she just melts. Her face burns bright crimson, and she'll try to hide behind her hands, but it's obvious she's just overwhelmingly flattered.

Dorothea:

- Being with Dorothea is sometimes like dating a celebrity- you're asked for details about her and your relationship with her all the time, and you're considered more of a catch simply for being with her. She is, of course, aware of all of this, and simply rolls her eyes at the attention. For as glamorous as she seems, and as 'wild' as others assume your relationship must be, Dorothea actually has a rather classic idea of how relationships go. She enjoys all of the sweet little gestures and day-to-day expressions of affection- even just casually holding hands as you walk through town, or taking a bite of a pastry you hold out for her over tea.

- It's going to take a lot to make Dorothea feel secure enough to truly settle down with one person. It's always been her ultimate goal, of course, and her feelings for you are true and strong- but she's so accustomed to being self sufficient and independent. Best practice is to assure her that she's still more than welcome to exercise that independence as much as it suits her, and that you'll always be there when she does need your support. That level of understanding is a huge comfort to her. Perhaps paradoxically, knowing that she's free to do as she likes actually makes her far more willing to compromise here and there, and be giving and generous to her partner.

NSFW 18+ v

Mostly Gender Neutral, some AMAB

Hilda:

- It might not be a surprise that Hilda loves being coddled and spoiled in bed- but her absolute favorite is receiving oral. Her clit is very sensitive, and going down on her will have her moaning blissfully and arching up from the bed. If you're really devoted, it won't take long to learn how to get her to squirt like this. Pressing the flat of your tongue firmly to her clit and pulsing against her, moaning as you hold onto her thighs make her cum hard, her vision going white as she whimpers out your name.

- In general, Hilda likes to be with a soft dom. She likes a lover who takes the lead and directs her, but isn't too demanding or harsh, instead cooing to her about what a good girl she is for you, how wonderful her body feels, how cute she is when she moans your name. Her favorite position is to have you fucking her from behind with her lower body propped up on a pillow- and with time, she even discovers that she loves having you grab a hand full of her hair and tug on it while you thrust into her. It's a gorgeous view as well, since she has a nicely defined but plump ass that bounces beautifully against you as you buck into her.

- Hilda is quite fond of cockwarming and similar kinks, and the occasional slow, lazy love-making session with you spooning her in bed as your hips sway against her. She likes this relaxing, low-pressure way of feeling intimate with you, and given her clit is so sensitive, it's not like she requires a huge amount of stimulation to cum. She'll gladly spend a night in bed casually chatting as you slide into her and just savor the warmth of her wet cunt swallowing you.

Marianne:

- You're likely to be her first sexual partner, and it's going to take a long while for her to even feel comfortable exposing herself to you. With enough reassurance and a lot of pre-sex fooling around (one night you may just touch each other a bit while making out, then she may be comfortable with your fingers the next time, and so on), she eventually gains the confidence to realize that you do truly want her, and she wants you dearly as well. Eventually, the trust itself becomes oddly arousing to her, and while it will take a long time to discover this, she actually adores being blindfolded while you take your time touching and savoring her body. Being forced to focus so intently on physical sensation clears her mind of her anxieties.

- Marianne is surprisingly vocal in bed, though she doesn't want to be. It's honestly adorable, the way her hands cling to the sheets or to your body, her face a bright pink as she bites on her lip to stifle an adoring moan. Even light touches down the small of her back or up the curve of her inner thigh cause her to catch her breath, looking up at you adoringly with those big, shining eyes. Trying to hold back her moans is something she's not likely to 'grow out of' with experience, but she's so precious when her eyes roll back and she's whining and whimpering just to keep from crying out your name, it's hard to be upset about it.

Dorothea:

- Dorothea knows what she's doing, and she knows it- and she knows that she's tempting. While not an outright Dom by default (though she can definitely be encouraged into that role and she takes to it marvelously), she is confident and direct in bed. She'll smirk as she straddles your hips and runs her hands down your body, commenting on how she just can't wait to see you completely cut loose. In particular, she loves when you try to play cool and act as though she's not driving you mad with desire, only to fall apart as she pleasures you, gasping her name and leaning into her touch, or even breaking your sense of restraint and pinning her to the mattress to ravage her.

- She's not terribly loud in bed, much more likely to whisper sweet, sultry flattery into your ear. When she does let out an earnest moan, it's luxurious and lustful, almost song-like in its own right. Dorothea is also not shy about telling you what she likes or about trading notes on different positions or kinks you may want to try. She knows that everyone has unique desires, and she sees sex as both a bonding experience for the two of you, and as something that should be fun and easily enjoyed by you both.

- Dorothea loves giving tit-jobs and she is incredible at them. Even if you're just using a strap, she loves showing off her body to you, watching the expression of awe, admiration and a touch of disbelief as she puts on a lewd show of bouncing her breasts around your length. Her technique is impressive, and she's good enough at reading people that she'll easily figure out what you like best. Do you want to see the tip of your length pushing up from her cleavage, or would you prefer the warmth of her lips around your tip? How tight do you like her to squeeze her tits around you, and what pace gets you panting and bucking against her? She'll have you figured out in no time.

[joeynewgarden]

what kpop song do you associate with each of your favorite f1 driver(s)?

this is such a good question, thank you! here they are in the order in which i could remember their names. this is me outing myself as a ch*co and l*ndo supporter, sorry to whom my actions impact. i also linked all the songs!

lewis: imperfect love - seventeen. my fav song from my fav group. everything about this song makes me feel so warm and loved, yet like i could run through a wall? and i think that’s how lewis makes me feel honestly. like coming home after a rough day and your bestie saying “ok, now let’s run this 4 mile,” and bc it’s them, you find the strength to go. sometimes watching his ig story will piss me off bc it’s so motivating i will actually get up and go do the shit i need to get done and i hate it.

fav lyric: 까맣던 이 세상을, 행복하게 비춘 햇살, 밤 되면 별이 되어. the sunlight that happily illuminates this dark world, becomes a star when night comes

george: far - nct 127. george’s shonen anime arc fr. i feel like as he’s come into himself as both a person and a driver, he’s become more confident, and when he fully settles into being behind the wheel of a competent car (no shade to williams, my loves), he’ll be unstoppable. the hard percussion and the vocal line going the fuck off puts me in my “move out my way or be moved” zone and i feel like we’ll see more of that from george in the next few seasons. also i always think haechan and taeil’s part in the pre-chorus is “go off, go off, til we girlboss, girboss” even though that is very much not the lyrics but i think it fits george v well.

fav lyric: 나를 이끈 너머, oh-oh, 떠나 자유롭게 가자 far away. going beyond what led me, oh-oh, departing freely, let's go far away

sebastian: habit - seventeen. my standing under the shower fully clothed, tears streaming down my face, 90s music video in the rain, punching the wall song. i’m gonna miss him and i play this song whenever i miss someone a lot or i made a particularly difficult goodbye. and i know i’m not the only one feeling this as we say “see ya later” to seb, and this is the one that immediately jumped into my mind when thinking about this question. i almost said campfire by isaac hong, but i decided that was too sad.

fav lyric: 그때처럼 널 감싸 안으며, 웃고 싶다고 네게 ���하고 싶어. i want to embrace you like I did then, and tell you that I want to smile

lance: step back - GOT the beat. i might get hate for this, but again so does lance so maybe it works. just the most bad bitch, serving cunt, slightly problematic song i can think of, and it absolutely goes. matches his “dicks up when i walk in the party” energy. lance and me are besties for life and so if you have beef with him, you got beef with me. also he’s cooler than you and funnier. and his gf is hotter than your’s. also he’s an f1 driver. here’s to him making fernando’s life so miserable next year the man goes into retirement. permanently. fun fact: i was so obsessed with the choreo after watching smtown, i learned it in two hours the first time someone posted a clear shot of the dance.

fav lyric: Uh, 남자들 다 똑같아, 내가 뜨면 시선집중, 여기저기 flash 터져. boys are the same, all eyes on me when I appear, everywhere there's a flash

yuki: wishlist - txt. my one woman dance party song that makes me unreasonably happy. yuki’s honesty and lack of censorship is something i deeply admire about him, and this song is about someone getting so fed up with the person they love hiding their feelings that they’re just like “ok i’m done, tell me you like me now.” i feel like that fits yuki very well. i also associate yuki with txt. i think their youthful feel makes me think of him and my obsession with space/stars matches their star/multi-dimensional concept, and i feel the same about yuki. my little star that is way more than meets the eye.

fav lyric: 너란 별이 담긴 보석함이, 내 맘에 또 넘쳐서. a jewel box with a star called you inside, is overflowing in my heart

alex: i got a boy - snsd. i feel like i don’t have to explain myself. i really do got a boy and his name is alex albon.

fav lyric: i got a boy 멋진 i got a boy 착한, i got a boy handsome boy 내 맘 다 가져간. i got a boy a cool one, i got a boy a kind one, i got a boy handsome boy who took all my heart

mick: ooh ahh - twice: idk how to describe this but he really makes me feel like ooh ahh! i also like how this song is about not settling and knowing your worth, which i think is what mick did over this last season. the upbeat tone and the synth-pop moments make me feel like the teen i was when the song came out, and i always say mick has boyish charm to me, so i guess i just associate this song with him on vibes. the first race i ever watched was silverstone and watching him get his first points wooed me spectacularly.

fav lyric: 가짜 가짜 진심 없는 가짜, 잘 가 잘 가. fake, fake, empty-hearted fake. goodbye, good riddance

lando: blame me - monsta x. i did not want to like lando, i did not need to get attached to another mclaren driver, pato is enough, and a ton of people seemed to hate him. but that bugger weaseled his way into my heart and now he’s my little leopard gecko who i carry around the house with me. i’m the parent who said no dogs but then treats the dog better than their own child. the lyrics of this song match exactly.

fav lyric: if i’m falling, baby, don’t blame me

checo: lullaby (spanish version) - got7. everyone knows this is the superior version, just like checo is the superior red bull driver. one of the first things about him that made my heart soften a little was listening to him talk! i grew listening to mexican spanish primarily and was taught mexican spanish in hs, so his voice is very familiar and soothing to me. i think the song is really fun in general and the lyrics i think are pretty accurate to my experience of kinda giving up on not liking him, i was reeled in and i can’t really get away, but i don’t want to either. is this stockholm syndrome?

fav lyric: háblame dulce, es mágico, no me puedo escapar de ti. talk to me sweet, it’s magical, i can’t escape you.

charles: so bad - stayc. bc i do! i want him so bad, it’s sick! everything about him has bewitched me, body and soul! i call him my little mong mong (i saw someone call seungmin this on twt and i was like “oh my god, charles.”), bc he really is my little shining star, love of my life, sugar cookie. baby boy i will follow you to the ends of the earth, i adore you. he is such a fighter and i’m glad to see him stick up for himself more that the end of the season (should of been earlier), and i hope we can see him fight for the title next year. i will be rooting for him always. another alaysia fact: this mv came out on my birthday and i was hooked immediately, learned the dance the second the dance practice came out and i credit this song to being my bridge into kpop.

fav lyric: 정말야 I want you SO BAD, 난 니가 필요해 yeah. for real, i want you so bad, i need you, yeah

[btsandvmin]

A personal dilemma

I feel like I have to explain properly why I have reacted the way I did and why the asks about me not doing videos for Vmin affected me so much. I am sorry for dwelling on this subject so much but it is something that is important to me and effect what I do and how I do it a lot.

This post is a bit confused and I might also come across both as a hypocrite and as "high and mighty". But I believe every person has a responsibility for what they do no matter how small the effect. And I need to get this off my chest. This is a conflict within me that I don't have an answer to yet.

For the last few days I've seriously considered if I should continue with writing analysis for Vmin or not. Because at the end of the day I know what I do have a sort of snowball effect that is out of my control. So asking me to not do videos in worry about Vminies getting delusional faster or me being seen as a analysis maker more similar to some ji/kookers or tar/kookers like tkk/lives made me wonder not only if putting out videos was something that bring more bad than good, but if making any analyses at all was something that brought more bad than good.

Even if I try hard to stay away from sounding delusional and to warn my readers of the problems with believing the things I point out and the narratives I share might still lead to more confidence in Vmin being superior or real. Even if it's not my intention I can't control what people do after reading or watching my material.

Thus if creating leads to more bad for both the Vmin community and perhaps in the long run even Vmin... How can I in good conscience keep doing it?

I always believed and hoped that my way of writing, and of being open and transparent with the problems with shipping analysis would rather at least to some extent halt the ones reading and understanding my stance from turning delusional or over confident etc. That I could be clear about the difference between facts, theories and narrative and make others aware too.

When I started this blog I was just shipping happily and reblogged others posts. Until the "you can't ship Vmin they are friends" issue bothered me enough to write about it so I wrote "The “bromance” issue". Then I kept making material to show why Vmin is just as good and easy to ship romantically as any other ship. Thus my 10 reasons to ship posts etc.

The first time I truly got into analysing territory was with my first song analysis. And even then it was just a feeling that the songs could match and speculation mostly for fun. Vmin kept doing things, and yet I saw a lot of people get angry or defensive just for shipping Vmin. For example as 4 o'clock came out and Vminies got attacked for "making it about Vmin". Already feeling like Vmin's songs kind of fit together, and how other shippers tried to make the songs about their own ships (including 4 o'clock) I started to look closer at various ship analyses and seeing the lack of Vmin analyses compared to other maknae ships made me feel like people just zoomed in on their own ship and ignored everyone else. I couldn't help but want to add my own Vmin interpretations. I wanted to add a Vmin perspective as a sort of counter weight. Especially since I felt the things I saw had more to them than similar theories from other ships. For example the songs, being soulmates, using army as a substitute for each other or my own version of Vlive analysis, which was that Vmin seemed to avoid it rather than them hiding in each other's room. Other ships had these theories, despite Vmin having at least some of these things confirmed. So in a way, the soulmate claim and 4 o'clock was my starting point to look at Vmin in a different way and a bit after that I started making analyses.

It felt weird to see all of these things go ignored when other ship communities made their followers believe in the relationships with a lot less than I felt Vmin had. I never got confident that Vmin was real and I still think the odds of any ship being real aren't that big. But I did feel like many people completely ignored Vmin both as soulmates and as a ship.

So, while asking my fellow Vminies to be careful with believing I kept looking at Vmin and added my biased theories to show it could very much be done with Vmin as well. I never wanted to make people delusional, but having been in many fandoms before I also knew that with size that is something that can't be avoided. I saw that as BTS kept growing and as big Vmin moments happened, that more and more people shipped them. It made me happy. But I also knew it would mean more and more would eventually start to question Vmin the way other ships got questioned. I really think it's something that happens eventually with enough of a following. There are so many ships in Kpop that people believe in and try to prove, it definitely wasn't exclusive to BTS. (You can even look outside Kpop at things like the Sherlock or Supernatural or even Hunger Games fandoms where many speculated that the actors weren't just close, they were romantically involved.)

I wanted to talk about Vmin, but I didn't want to be one of those that told people what to think and to believe me no matter what. I wanted peope to question without "knowing" what the truth was. I was hoping to bring something different than just the safe "this is just my thoughts and you can take it or leave it" disclaimers. I wanted to explain the problems and to remind ourselves (me included) that shipping is something that can easily turn into more if you don't actively remind yourself that we actually don't know the truth. We have narratives that seem to make sense, but so does other shippers... So for many of these belivers it is impossible to be right. Not everyone can be right about their "truth", if anyone, since they go against each other. If Vmin turn out to not be together I do not want to be the one responsible for people believing they were real, only to get hurt when they aren't.

This is something I've always felt, and as I kept writing analysis I always wondered if I really should. Especially since I saw some Vminies get inspired by me or even taking some of my theories and run with them as facts rather than the theories they were. I put things out there, moments and ideas. A narrative for Vmin. And I saw others adapt them and go further with them. I wasn't sure how to feel as I realized my blog perhaps contributed to Vminies feeling more suspicious and slowly more confident in Vmin being more real than other ships.

Even if it was my goal to make people look at Vmin, I guess with all the things Vmin did it all started to feel more "real" for me too. So many of my theories seemed to work and even get proven or added new material. The songs kept coming and Vmin kept being Vmin. But I also knew this exact thing happend with ji/kookers after G.C.F came out. New material that "confirmed" their beliefs and in turn allowed them to become more confident in being right. So I kept reminding myself not to get swept away, because in the end I don't think no matter how much we have gotten, that it has to prove anything besides how much Vmin mean to each other. Romantic or platonic truly doesn't matter.

Another thing that makes a difference to me is also the way I view the different ships if they would actually be real. For example watching ji/kook and ji/kook theories it seems pretty clear they don't mind people shipping them or seeing things between them. I've never seen Jimin be careful, but instead rather bold and almost pushy, with moments with JK. If Ji/kook is together their shippers too believe that they want people to know. With Vmin I saw it a bit differently... I've seen Jimin be careful with how he and Tae comes across since 2014. Why I don't know. But if we imagine there to actually be something between Vmin, then it doesn't seem like it's something Jimin wants us to know. Taehyung is a bit bolder, but either way the "narrative" I see for Vmin if they would be real is that they are careful with getting exposed. Thus there is also that factor to consider when writing theories about them. If Vmin would be real somehow, and they don't want to be "exposed" how is what I do the right thing?

I have had a post in my drafts for a while and I wanted to add it here in case you are interested. After all, this isn't something new that came after the video asks, but rather something I've always questioned. Which is why it really got to me when I got asked to stop doing something for the sake of the community, myself and Vmin.

This is something I wrote a while ago and I decided not to post at the time. I hope you will understand my feelings a little bit better after reading all of this.

I hope you understand where I am coming from and excuse me for generalizing and speaking about the Vmin (and other ships) community as if it's one big force and not many individuals.

***

Now, I have debated for a long time if I should talk about this at all and basically take a stance in a way I would prefer not to. I know I will lose followers over this, and that's ok. I can't force anyone to listen. But with the way I see the Vmin community grow I also see the confidence in Vmin being real grow. It's natural and happens with all ships eventually, but I still hope Vminies can look at shippers from other communities and realize the same kind of reasoning applies to us all.

I get more messages that sound borderline delusional now than ever.

I always suspected we would reach this point, because again, as things get more normalized and ok to talk about the bolder statements and theories will become. It literally happens with all ships, slowly at first and then gradually worse and worse until you reach truly delusional levels where Big Hit are playing up other relationships to hide the truth or trying to create a glass closet for another ship and where every choice and action has a possible agenda. I don't think Vminies will get worse than other ships that are much bigger and bolder. But I do think we have already changed a lot in the last year. Even looking at my own posts I seem to have at some point escalated from "Vmin seem to have these push and pull moments" to "Vmin's push and pull" if you see the difference. It might be small, but it definitely matters in how my views comes across.

When I write I do try to present facts and then speak carefully and not confidently about narratives or meanings. If we take my song analysis for example I think there is a substantial amount of things even when just looking at facts. But, saying what those facts might mean will in the end always remain a biased guess. Especially since other shippers have their similar theories as well that they believe in 100%. I mean, I could make a case for Tae and Hobi's songs being connected as well. I've seen analysis like this from all shippers at this point, and I can't dismiss them anymore than they can dismiss mine. (As long as they keep to facts.)

I am careful, and even then I see some of my theories being talked about as fact, or att least very close to facts.

From what I have seen I have moments between Vmin I have notcied and shared that haven’t been picked up on before I did it. I still have some things like this I haven’t shared at all, simply because I think fans would run with them and become more delusional simply by knowing about them.

Sadly, the way things are going I feel uncertain if I should share more of these things at all. I don’t want to have to go around and debunk Vmin moments or urge people to watch other ships, because in the end every person has the right to enjoy a ship in their own way. But I do think confidence is dangerous no matter how good moments we get.

Ji/kookers got a lot worse after GCF Tokyo and started to talk about how Big Hit might be working towards a glass closet. And that might sound ridiculous, but I have seen Vminies say the same with the way Vmin has been "shown" as Friends came out and other pretty good Vmin moments from the last year. The question of "Do you think something is up with Vmin?" or "Do you think they are planning something based on the amount of moments we get?" are questions I have gotten many times.

You might think I am being too careful, but because I have been in many fandoms in a period of over 15 years I literally see the same development happen for all different kinds of shipping communities. Real and fictional. Where the fans get more and more confident as the groups gets bigger. It’s a gradual change towards feelings certain and allowing more logical leaps to fill the gaps, but it will get faster and faster once it starts.

I don’t want Vminies to get more and more similar to how many ji/kookers and tae/kookers act and think. Where we find suspicion in everything and allow ourselves to feel confident. (Or worried whenever something goes against that belief.)

I might sound a hypocrite considering I do write analysis on Vmin, but I am sorry to say, the way things are going maybe I shouldn’t anymore.

Every ship in BTS have moments, and every ship in BTS even have believers who truly KNOWS their ship is real. I often used to get the question “do you know this or that about this other ship” and “if you only looked at and knew about xxx you wouldn’t ship Vmin” etc. And honestly, they have a point. Only I think it works both ways for all shippers. We all mostly look at our own ship and have our own narratives and reasons to think they make the most sense. But as soon as we allow narratives to sound like the only or most logical explenation we have lost a big part of our ability to question others and ourselves. That's why I wanted to add the Vmin narrative in the sea of ji/kook and tae/kook theories.

Recently I posted Can shipping turn into conspiracy theories? and part of the reason I did so was because I have seen an increased tendency in the Vmin community to walk this thin line between shipping and belief.

I feel very conflicted honestly. I want our community to try and stay away from being sure, no matter how compelling the arguments. Again, I have literal hundreds of pages about Vmin being weird or doing things I think make them the most likely to be real in some form when looking at BTS.

AND I AM STILL NOT GOING TO BE CONVINCED.

I have followed another group where members kiss when drunk and talk like they ship each other and even if a ship might seem real there is just too much we don't know. And a lot about other ships we decide to ignore or don't know. I have been accussed of being a ji/kooker because I won't say ji/kook being real is impossible. But how can l? How would me saying ji/kook can't be real be any different to the aggressive ji/kookers who has come to me to say "Vmin is cute but ji/kook is real".

Of course every person might have their own level of what might convince them, but we also know that literally millions of other people are convinced of completely different things with incredible certainty.

I don't want to be scared to put my theories out there so they can be taken as facts.

I have said it before, and I know shippers are drawn to confidence, but that's the exact reason to why I choose not to be confident even though it gets me more hate and less followers.

***

So this is what I wrote a while ago... And hearing people worry about what might happen if I start making videos just made these thoughts resurface. Especially since I didn't feel that video was very analytical, but it still likely would make people notice Vmin in a "what if they are real" way. Again, I use moments that exists, but I also add them in a different context, with a Vmin narrative. If what I write or make seems legit and makes sense then my tone of being careful might not matter. People will get exposed to moments and ideas I highlight and then take them further. That's why I hesitate.

I don't think I am big or influential enough to do much, but just doing 'a little' shouldn't excuse it if it in the end leads to something bad, more than it leads to something good. That's why adding YouTube as a platform doesn't make much of a difference in my mind if I still do what I do here. Sure YouTube is bigger and things get spread faster... But I write much more analytical and questionable things here than I did in that video, and even if it gets spread slower and to less people isn't what I do here in a sense then worse?

If me making videos makes some of you nervous (which I understand and relate to) then what will it lead to if I post basically a book on everything weird I've seen and thought in regards to Vmin?

I want to feel like I add more good to the community than I bring bad. I always thought I was doing the former as I tried to make my followers feel open minded rather than convinced. Now I don't know where I stand anymore and so I feel even more unsure of what to do.

Maybe I should have kept this all to myself and not vented out my worries to you. But I take this rather seriously and while I love what I do and love being part of the Vmin community I am feeling conflicted and I felt like sharing why might be good for me.

I know this was long and I applaude you if you managed to read through it all. I am truly so happy to have gotten so many nice and understanding and kind messages from you all. And many of you even saying you are happy you came across my blog and that I brought a new perspective, made you more open minded or even kept you from turning delusional. It makes me feel like I at least did some things right. I purple you all. 💜

[bandhyukoh]

[Secret Magazine] Yaeji and Oh Hyuk Embrace the Passage of Time

Disclaimer: This interview belongs to Secret Magazine. Find the original source (part 1) here. Part 2 posted by hyukoh updates. Interview by Jeff Ihaza, Fall 2021.

After a meteoric rise within indie and dance music circles, the musician Yaeji found herself within a whirlwind of success. Just before the pandemic hit, she released her debut mixtape What We Drew on XL records. It was poised to send the singer, DJ, and producer on a world tour, soidifying her as one of the biggest new acts around. Then, of course, everything came to a screeching halt. For Yaeji, born Kathy Lee in Queens, New York, it might have been a blessing in disguise. “I needed to pause. I think if I did go on a tour that year, it might’ve depleted my energy and my soul,” she tells me over Zoom. “I came out of this, understanding myself so much better. Which can only help with my music because it is about what I understand. So in a way, I am just grateful.”

Now, after what by today’s standards might seem like a long hiatus, she’s ready to emerge with a distinctly new sound. She recently connected with friend and fellow musician Oh Hyuk for a pair of tracks that feel as liberated as the musician describes herself as these days. “29” and “Year to Year” confront the passage of time with delicate care and confidence. In conversation, the two artists describe making music with intention, and rejecting society’s obsession with youth.

So, talk a little about how you both met and how the collaboration started.

Yaeji: We have a bunch of mutual friends in Korea and, I think for me it was mainly through Dawn and Dasom, who I’ve known for a bit. When Dasom introduced us, I was already familiar with Hyuk’s music. We got to hang out a few times throughout a couple of years before we got into music.

Hyuk: Yeah, that’s how we met.

Were you always thinking about making music together, or did that happen separately from you guys being friends?

Hyuk: It was more out of coincidence. We weren’t planning anything, but after we met a couple of times, it just came out naturally.

What made you feel like it was a good creative match?

Yaeji: I think for me because I’ve always been super particular about who I collaborate with. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve ever collaborated with someone in this way, where it’s from start to finish and the boundaries are blurred of who’s producing, who’s writing, and all of that. I think trust and faith came first for me, just from speaking with Hyuk and getting to know him and knowing that we have all these mutual friends that I love and trust. For me, I felt like we had a lot of similarities as people, and in the way,, we grew up, and things like that. So then the music came more naturally after that.

What was the songwriting process for the two songs?

Yaeji: For “Year To Year,” which came first, I had initially written the demo two years ago, and I played it for Hyuk when I first went over to his place with Dasom. He was like, “It’s cool.” Then I think it was a year or so later that we started writing stuff together. When we got together in person we were like, “should we revisit this?”

For “29,” I specifically wanted to sing about the push and pull of time, and the different ways time feels depending on whether I’m in Korea or America. Then when we were finishing it together, Hyuk wrote the other half of the lyrics, which then became the intro to the track.

Hyuk: For the intro, it was also about time. The importance of age 29 is very prevalent in Korea. So, I thought it would be interesting to focus on that. 29 marks the end of your 20s, it’s like an end of a decade, but it’s also the start of another decade. So that’s what the lyrics also talk about.

Both of you are younger than 29, right?

Yaeji: We’re both 28. Actually, Hyuk turns 28 on his birthday in October. But in Korea, the age system is different. Everyone turns a year older on January 1st and you’re already one when you’re born. So I was always older in Korea by a year or two. I think there are overlapping things between different cultures, like the significance of your 20s, and what it means to enter your 30s, and all these milestones the world tells you to meet before you enter your 30s. So I think it’s just about sitting between all of these thoughts.

Especially since you travel between Korea and the U.S., can you talk about navigating that different sense of time? Do you feel like you have to act more mature in one place over the other?

Yaeji: Not only that, I feel like my family is there, which means I have to click into a slightly different mode. I become a slightly different person when I travel back to Korea. I end up having different dreams. When I talk about these thoughts that I have in the States to my friends in Korea, that’s actually when I feel most liberated and it gives me a new perspective. That’s a big part of why I feel so good right now, and why I’ve been feeling positive about all my shows, and everything going for us. I think it comes from this really special perspective I got from being in Korea more often.

When you guys were writing these songs, were you thinking about coming to peace with aging, coming to peace with leaving your 20s?

Yaeji: Yeah. I think something Hyuk mentioned earlier is that this song is also about diving into our 30s, and with open arms. Receiving our 30s, and looking forward to what’s to come. For me, I wanted it to be a way I can redefine it and own it, and feel comfortable in it. This is a way we’re documenting that uneasy tension of that exact transition that happens. I feel like you hear it in “Year To Year.” Even if you don’t know the lyrics, sonically, I think it feels emotional, but in a happy tears way. With “29,” there’s a back and forth tension happening where it’s really hard and dark, but then it opens up and it’s super joyful. So that’s how it feels.

“29″ is interesting too, because the refrain of, “I got to go, I got to go” is pretty big there. Where did that come from?

Yaeji: Yeah, the lyrics to that came together in 10 minutes. I don’t know. Hyuk made that demo first on his iPad and then we were bumping it, and I immediately was like, “Oh, I know what I want to say.” I don’t know, that’s how it happened, but I guess personally it’s been something I’ve wanted to express because when I wrote those lyrics, I didn’t hold back. I think usually both he and I tend to write more abstract lyrics, more metaphors. But with this one, when I heard the demo, it was mostly percussive. I just felt like there should be no filter on this. I wanted to speak about all the bullshit we had to experience and how I deal with the bullshit, how I’ve learned to move on from it as I grew older. I think as I repeat, “I got to go,” the meaning changes because the first time it’s like, “I got to get the hell out of here.” But then the second half it feels like we’re all going somewhere together, and it’s not as much like running away.

So, you wrote the lyrics, Hyuk?

Hyuk: Yeah. The lyrics for “29” came from childhood. What’s funny is I have a slightly different perception of the meaning of, “I got to go.” For the first half, it’s like, “I got to get the hell out of here,” but for the second half I thought of it as more sarcastic. So all of the melodies and the beats were focused on the sarcastic meaning.

Yaeji: Which I love, I didn’t know this until now. Because there were no guitars or anything when we did the vocals. Then there was another session, and I was showing Hyuk music I was listening to, and there’s this YouTube algorithm hole of Samba drum and bass, Bossanova drum and bass and he was into it, he was like this is what I was thinking of with the demo and then laid down all the guitars. So I didn’t know it was him thinking, “Oh, this is sarcastic.”

Hyuk: It was like a tease.

This is sonically a pretty big departure from the clubby sounds you're known for.

Yaeji: Right before the pandemic hit, I bought my first guitar and it was just an impulse thing. I was thinking about how my dad was in cover bands, playing guitar. So I was just like, I never learned it, but I was just playing with it. Then, serendipitously, the year after, Hyuk and I started making music together. The way he plays the guitar is really different from how I feel like people normally play. There were sounds he was making that made the guitar feel like a totally different instrument, it's more plucky at times and he has crazy pedals. So when we run them through, it just when sounds completely different. Then for me, since I had never mixed guitar before, and I do a lot of mixing in my music, that was really fun. Because it's a completely different palette, completely different frequencies. That got me super excited about it. But obviously, in the subconscious, there is a lot of rock and indie rock music I did listen to growing up. So maybe there's a bit of that as well that I'm reaching back into. But that wasn't as conscious for me.

Hyuk, talk about your approach to playing the guitar.

Hyuk: I first started the guitar because, of all the instruments that I had my hands on, the guitar was the one that I could play the best. That was my first approach to the guitar. For this project, I was familiar with Yaeji's music, even before we started this project, so I tried to match my guitar sounds with Yaeji's music as much as possible. Because normally my guitar sounds would be more on the analog side, and a little bit warm. But for this project, I tried to change the guitar to a more digital style so that it would be a match for Yaeji's music overall.

What drew you to one another's sound?

Yaeji: I think I first discovered, or not first, but definitely, it played a lot because my dad is a huge fan of Hyuk. So either I listened to it in the car or at home, and then I started listening to it separately. I wasn't listening to anything like it because mostly I'm digging for dance music or listening to electronic music. But there's something, I don't know, Hyuk's music changed a lot. So the music that I first heard back then were the biggest hits, it goes straight to your heart, and his voice is unique. I thought the songwriting was beautiful. I had the feeling that he's probably listening to all kinds of stuff, not just band music or rock music, and then it turned out to be true.

Hyuk: When I first heard Yaeji's music, it was very minimal and dynamic. I don't know how to express this, but in Korea, we say that the music has a headline, that's an attention grabber, something that grabs your attention, and pinpoints right into your ear. Yaeji's music has that.

Yaeji: Also, something interesting I've realized with our voices is that when I'm mixing it, I usually have to trim certain frequencies in my voice because of just my mouth shape and how I sing. With Hyuk's vocals, I do the same treatment, I just copy-paste my EQ on there. So I thought that was special and interesting, and possibly why our voices worked well together.

It's so interesting that your dad was a fan. When you guys were recording together, did he come?

Yaeji: He didn't know if that would be weird for Hyuk, right? I think he's a shy guy. But he did come, I didn't tell you this, Hyuk, but he came when you were in the studio. 

Hyuk: Oh really?

Yaeji: You left your pedals and stuff there, and he was like, "Is this Hyuk's?" And he's like, "You think I can touch it?" and I'm like "I mean, I'm sure that's fine." But yeah, he was geeked out about it but he didn't share that with any of us, he held it in.

Is it hard to navigate the creative process when there's the element of fame in the air?

Hyuk: Before I started working with Yaeji, I did most of my work in a studio. But for this project, it was a time to visit the home-recording style that I worked in before I was in a studio. So that was pretty fun because working DIY matches the sound that I usually want. 

Yaeji: When you started, you were just working on your laptop in a dorm room.

Hyuk: Yeah.

Yaeji: So you're familiar with this, but you're revisiting it for the first time in a while, right?

Hyuk: Yeah.

Yaeji: I think both of us were saying that we were finding this process of writing not as inspiring or enjoyable right before we working together. Then through the process, for me, it brought a lot of joy and excitement back. 

Did you learn anything working with Hyuk and seeing someone else navigate a large following?

Yaeji: I guess, when I'm with Hyuk, it just feels like I'm with a homie and I truly forget how famous he is. It's only when we're walking around and then I'm like, "Oh yeah, we should be low key right now." Because people might take pictures, then I'm like, “Oh yeah, I forget.' So yeah. But in our music careers, when I'm thinking about that, I feel like actually when he's touring Europe or the States, we've played at a lot of the same places. So we're received in a similar way out in the West. This was the first time I became friends with a musician that I truly feel like a peer, like an eye-to-eye level. So that was a big part of why this collaboration and friendship was important for me.

Your debut mixtape came out right as the pandemic kicked off. What was it like? What was that transition like for you?

Yaeji: Rough. But we were talking with the label the whole time, because this was my first release on XL. They were like, "Should we just release it?" Because we had set the date. I said, "Lets just release it because this is music I wrote in solitude in my room or at the studio alone. This was me recording my everyday. Right now we're about to be in our rooms alone, spending every day, so I just want to be honest with it." Then there was this long pause, right? Not much happened, and we had a tour for this mixtape that got canceled. So I think the tricky part was that I didn’t know what everyone was thinking about it. I didn't get any reactions, I wasn't able to sing with everyone. But at the same time on a personal level, I needed to pause. I think if I did go on a tour that year, that might've depleted my energy and my soul. A lot of interpersonal things happened that year, but I needed that. I came out of this, understanding myself so much better. Which can only help with my music because it is about what I understand. So in a way, I am just grateful too.

Obviously in the US, K-pop is very much the main conversation. What do you feel like the expectations are from you guys when you tour the West or share music with the West?

Yaeji: Hyuk, do you want to go?

Hyuk: First of all, it's a fact now that K-pop is popular around the world. But in Korea, there are also a lot of other types of music, and genres, but due to the market size, the volume of the market is relatively small. So there aren't many chances for those other genres of music to go outside into the world. It's like the example in Japan, people call Japanese music and genres J-pop as a whole. So that's how the Korean music scene is referred to, just K-pop as a whole. But there are also a lot of genres and good music that would work in the global market, but there are limited chances. So those types of music don't have a chance to meet the global audience yet.

Yaeji on your end, it's almost like you get to occupy both and show something different.

Yaeji: Yeah. It's interesting also who decides to categorize me as K-pop and then who doesn't. It's interesting also looking at my related artists on Spotify, for example, how there are mostly Korean fans. But to the West, it's West-centric, so when they hear music from the East, like say Korea, then it's just easy to be like, "Okay, this is all one thing.' I think, yeah, there's a bit of frustration that comes with it and I mean, Hyuk and I have a lot of thoughts on K-pop. Something that he was talking about was new knowledge for me, how K-pop's precursor was J-pop and how a similar thing had happened to that genre years before. 

In a lot of the earlier press you got, there was a big push to put you in that box of Korean musicians. How do you see that now with some distance? 

Yaeji: Yeah. Well, I guess I have my fair share of frustrations with how ... I mean it's tricky because as musicians we put music out and we have our whole experience with it. But then the people that translate it to listeners are writers and writers often have to categorize music so that listeners can understand it easily or are spoonfed it. I think in the beginning I had to be categorized to go through that whole process. I mean, being called a Korean musician was one thing. But then also being limited to house music producer or at times rapper for some reason was confusing to me. I think it was a learning process for me to understand that this is how it is and that this is how the system is, so let me try to figure out ways around it. I think it's still a thought in progress, but it's interesting because it's like we made this, so ideally we tell our whole story about it. But attention spans are getting shorter, and algorithms are happening, and it's so hard to make my life experience succinct for somebody, but I know it has to happen too.

What are you guys looking forward to in terms of people receiving this music?

Yaeji: Well, we're interested in what the reaction will be here versus in Korea. We were talking about how "Year To Year" has more like Korean lyrics, that's the most obvious difference.

There was a lot of conversation about the fact that you sing in Korean and English. Is that something you still think about?

Yaeji: I think the reason why I switch back and forth is completely different now because in my early interviews, I say how in college I made music in Korean because most of my friends couldn't understand it. So that was a way for me to just sing about what I wanted to, and it's because I was shy about what I wanted to think about. Now, I think I switch between them freely. I'm not more self-conscious, it's just that some things I can say through the Korean language, and there's no other way to say it and vice versa... Hyuk, you sing in English a lot as well, no? I was always curious why.

Hyuk: I didn't write English lyrics to make a global debut or anything. But when making music, some lyrics just come to my mouth that just feel right. This also goes for tracks as well, for certain tracks, the diction and the accent in the Chinese language would feel right, and in other tracks, the smooth flow of the English language would feel right. So there's not a specific reason, but when making music and making tracks, there are some certain language lyrics that feel right for the track and music. Sometimes when I write lyrics in Korean, I feel somewhat bare and a little bit more pressure when I write in I Korean. Sometimes English is also more comfortable when writing lyrics.

What's something both of you learned from the other person while recording together?

Yaeji: Something I've been processing since I came back here is how my outlook on everything has changed. But mainly for my work in music and specifically right now for touring and I realized this because when I was there and not even when we were just making music, like when we were doing the photoshoot or the music video shoot, I saw Hyuk. I looked around and I saw all friends, and it made me realize for the first time that all of these people have come together and are losing sleep and giving their all because they believe in us, and they want us to be able to put our music out in the world with the exact intention that we wanted. It served as a mirror to me and what I have here. Then in the most simple sense, I just became grounded and grateful. So yeah. I don't know how else to put it, honestly. My outlook on everything is so much more optimistic and I'm just so down now, like yeah. It's for playing these festivals, normally I'd be so sad and stressed out and anxious, and I felt so happy and excited. Some things like that to me, I just, every decision I make with Yaeji now, I think Hyuk was able to give me a new perspective on it.

What about you, Hyuk?

Hyuk: Well, first of all, the way Yaeji was very calm and relaxed, that's something I learned from her. Music-wise, the detailed bar-to-bar production approach that Yaeji had was very refreshing and new to me. So I'm really into that production approach these days. Also I became more interested in dance music. So these days I'm trying to work on new dance tracks. So that's also an interesting thing that I learned too.

Kathy, are you going to take him to a rave?

Yaeji: Oh, yeah, for sure. When he comes to Brooklyn, we'll go to a warehouse, 24-hour rave, no sleep.

Hyuk: Sure.

Yaeji: This was like confessions. Because we never tell this to each other, Jeff. You're mediating us, just being honest with each other.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

a poem for small things

by Admin 1 & 2

The time has come, the first proper post for this segment we’ve settled on calling a poem for small things, a nod toward BWL and its Korean title. Like we said in our call for submission post, this is supposed to be something like a place full of positivity for vminnies (and perhaps the occasional namjinist) where you (and us) can share whatever we’d like in connection to vmin, both as vmin and as Jimin and Tae the individuals, and have something to raise our mood and also strengthen our vminnie confidence. We’ve gotten several wonderful submissions and quickly realized that for this first post the theme is mostly how I became a vminnie, even if three submissions talk more about vmin moments they enjoy instead.

I think it’s a really interesting theme, especially since everyone’s story is different, and everyone seems to find something else about vmin that captured their attention and hearts so sharing these memories and experiences is a great way to start off this segment. We’ve said it many times before, though I don’t think you can say it enough times, but this bond that Jimin and Tae share is truly special and so one of a kind, it’s wonderful to see how we all relate to and resonate with it in our own way and find something in it that makes us fall in love with their loves, regardless if we see it as platonic or romantic love. Love is love after all. 95z is love.

For the order of these submissions, we’ll simply go in the order in which we’ve received them. Most of them came from anons, which is more than okay. We’ve also opened the possibility of submitting posts for those who would like to submit wordier posts/asks, should we do another edition of this. It all depends on how much you’ll enjoy it and if you’ll come through with more submissions that could be gathered for future posts.

Anyway, enough talking from our side, let’s dive into these submissions below the cut, shall we? Like we said in the original post (and demonstrated in the preview post), we’ll add some of our commentary and observations along the way, too.

From anon: This is going to be long winded story but Vmin is like a Serendipity to me. I've heard of BTS mainly from my hubby when he complains that times sq is packed because of BTS (when they’re in town and doing their rounds of morning shows). I knew they were very popular but it was a great surprise that i discovered them after watching ILand during lockdown. Their songs were great and i started playing their classics like Fire, DNA Fake Love etc. Then they did an appearance in the show...

I love how you heard about BTS because of your husband and Time Square being packed, this is honestly the most original and unique version of how I’ve come across BTS I’ve read over the years. Amazing!

I was drawn to Taehyung's beauty during their appearance in Iland. And my first Vmin ? moment was when Tae commented about being handsome and attractive are 2 things and being attractive weighs more - along those lines... then JM made a comment that its unfair that he's both and Tae was like Im talking about you... I went like ok he thinks JM is attractive- theyre good friends.... then Jimin did the FakeLove choreo and the camera focused on Tae and he had this wide smile...The Iland Tae/Jimin clips made me do a double take but I dismissed it since it was just only a few seconds worth of screen time but still...

I-Land vmin was really something else in both episodes. 

Fun fact: I-Land was the first Korean survival show I’ve ever watched, mostly because it had something to do with BH and since it was streamed online with subs in real time. Unfortunately, my faves—Daniel and Taki—didn’t make it into ENHYPEN, though I’m happy that Taki will be in a future Japanese BH group.

But, going back to vmin, that moment with Jimin dancing FAKE LOVE and Tae looking at him with that boxy smile as though Jimin hung the stars in the sky? I melted, even if it was just one of those brief moments, yet still it’s so cute! And it was all over sns being shared by vminnies and non-vminnies alike. What a great time that was.

Then VMAs Dynamite perf happened- both Vmin looking good. I saw a lot of their promos especially the Jimmy Fallon interviews... and I noticed in hindsight how JF was so careful when referring to Jimin ... Since Tae was my first bias, I searched YT for Tae related content eventually saw in my YT feed Vmin moments. Theres a lot of Vmin content in YT or maybe the T*ek*ok ones didnt really register as extraordinary to me. But defo the Vmin moments were extraordinary to me,,,the BV4 sleeping together, kitchen role play & BV3 JM excited to see Tae and them holding hands and then Tae crying and then Tae's busking with Jimin cheering him on were all amazing to see. Up to this day this specific YT vid stood out to me first 

I actually went to check what video this is, and also looked at the comments where my favorite was this one: The staff member went straight to Jimin to tell him V was crying. That's all you need to know. They’re not wrong with that one, are they? That is pretty telling. BV3 vmin were a work of wonder, truly. Jimin watching Tae sing that Sam Smith song during the dinner in the sky looking all soft and endlessly fond?

Jimin encouraging Tae to busk and gently petting his hair was just such a pure moment and showed how much Jimin appreciates Tae and the talent he has, how in moments when Tae might brush aside wanting to do something, is a little hesitant and unsure, Jimin will stand up for him and give him strength/encouragement, which reminds me of Tae’s vlive in April 2020 and the fact that Jimin had told him that he wants to be his source of strength. Beautiful. And it shows that it wasn’t just pretty yet empty words, but something he truly meant. They both do.

Then i came across vid trans of Friends & cried first time hearing it especially when it got to the part "One day when the cheer dies down, stay hey.." It felt raw and honest to me. Then there's MOT:E concert and that part in Dynamite where they bumped their heads seemed bizaare to me - i was like were they fighting? because JM looked really fierce(or maybe emotional) then i saw the close up. i couldnt remember the exact moment I became a Vminie but it made quarantine easier...

This, I’ve noticed, seems to be a recurring theme among quarantine ARMY and vminnies, the fact that becoming ARMY and vminnies made it easier, and it fits with what we’ve been saying about BTS for years: they will find you when you’ll need them most. And in these trying and uncertain times, it’s certainly proven true once again.

Thank you of much for your submission and sharing your story with us, and I’m glad they could make quarantine a little easier for you.

From anon: I've been following BTS on and off since BST, but only really consider myself a true fan late 2019. I can't recall having a bias at first, but I was captivated by Jimin's everything when I binge-watched all their content. I must admit, my first OTP is T*e/k*ok, where I fell down the route of considering Jimin 'an interfering 3rd party' in their relationship, and it shamed me. Since then I've been cycling through Jimin ships, namely yo*n/m*n, j*n/m*n, m*ni/m*ni, and I even thought that j*/k*ok was real at some point. Strangely, Vmin never struck me as something extraordinary. I don't want to blame anyone, but Vmin caught my eye after I watched official BTS content without filter (presumed bias/judgement) all in their glory. I realized that while other ships may go up-and-down as in one day there's a frenzy and another day quiet af, Vmin has been and is still going constant. That's what makes me love Vmin, and for the first time in my fandom life, I have no qualms about whether they are real or not. Their bond, whatever it is, is already precious and something to be cherished forever. Thank you for providing us vminies a special corner to speak up about our experience 💜

You’re very welcome! I hope you’ll like how this turned out as well. Thank you for sharing your story with us and personally I find it fascinating how, despite Jimin being the one who captivated you most at first, you still fell into the “he’s an interference for my ship” trap that’s quite popular with that particular ship. I’m glad though that that never ruined your love for Jimin. It’s also really interesting for me how you went through different Jimin ships yet it took you the longest time to notice vmin. I feel like, because vmin and vminnies are more “low key” than the other bigger and louder ships, as well as Tae and Jimin simply being quieter in their interactions (not always but you get the point) as compared to, for example, Jimin’s interactions with Hobi, Jungkook, or even Namjoon, it takes people a while to really notice them.

This is my favorite part of what you wrote, and I think it’s a great way to describe vmin in general and what makes them different from other ships in the grand scheme of things: I realized that while other ships may go up-and-down as in one day there's a frenzy and another day quiet af, Vmin has been and is still going constant.

From vminot7: So i fell into BTS hole after watching blood sweat and tears mv casually on youtube. Jimin immediately stole my attention with his unique voice, graceful moves and handsome features even though i didn’t know their names at that time. I watched more MVs and jimin continued to hold my attention but i was also extremely drawn to taehyung's voice and facial expressions. So i started looking for more content such as RUN BTS and other compilations and realized my love for all 7 of them. I also noticed how jimin always had a soft spot for taehyung and was curious about their dynamics. I started looking at more of vmin content and i was really surprised to see how in the early days they were nowhere near as soft with each other as they are now. I think they have a unique bond and i have never come across anything quite similar. Now vmin are both my biases and my bias wrecker is hoseok.

I admire jimin for being a hardworking, passionate perfectionist but also a caring soul who is always ready to offer love and comfort to people in need. I love taehyung for how he looks at the world in his unique ways and how he has a childlike awe for things and how he is so passionate over the things he loves. The thing i love about vmin together is how they are so different yet work so hard on their relationship when it would be easier to just not try that hard.

Ah, another mention of the queen that is Blood, Sweat and Tears. The MV truly is such a masterpiece so I’m not surprised that it caught your attention, and especially Jimin since he was…something else in that MV, or like Tae said, his eyes were temptation (this boy, I swear). Since you mentioned how in the first years they were nowhere near as soft with each other as they are now, I think watching their dynamic and relationship change and evolve over time showcases the one thing I think a lot of people (as well as movies and TV shows) forget or gloss over, despite it being so incredibly important: in order to make a relationship of any kind work, especially in order for it to grow as deep and strong as the one between all members and especially vmin, you need to put in the emotional work to make that happen. You have to make an effort, have to learn to understand the other person and teach them to understand you as well, learn to appreciate and love their little quirks and how to accept others. And it’s so clear that that’s what vmin did, continue to do, and it more than paid off in the long run. I’m glad you highlighted that in general but also as something you love about them.

While the overall bond between the members is a class of its own, I think especially what vmin have achieved is a whole masterclass in relationships and fostering strong ones, in and of itself. There is a lot I think we can learn from them and I’m so happy that people recognize how special they are.

Thank you so much for your submission!

From anon: There’s this small moments in Dear Class of 2020 that i just adore! I’ve watched it at least 20 times this past month

It starts with “Spring Day”- tae and jimin laugh and look at each other and it’s just so sweet!

Also, maybe it’s my delusional mind but after tae’s and jin’s small and adorable moment- it seemed that jimin did the same with junkook right after maybe out of i duuno if jealousy but like “pay attention to me too” kinda way- dont know really and maybe it’s me being extra🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree partially, in that Jimin watched Tae’s and Seokjin’s adorable moment, obviously must’ve thought of it as cute just like we did, and thought he could do the same with JK. I don’t think it had anything to do with jealousy, especially if we work off of the idea that vmin are a thing, but also because it’s a performance and these things primarily serve the purpose of being cute and entertaining use, in other words, it’s fanservice (which isn’t the evil word some portray it as). Also, within that same performance, Tae and Jimin actually sang some of the lyrics toward each other, therefore they, too, had a cute moment they shared with big smiles and everything, just like you mentioned.

But we’ve gotten to see much more of Tae’s friendship with Seokjin in 2020, and especially the second half, so it was really sweet to see them interact during that song. Their friendship and dynamic is really a beautiful one, just like JKs bond with Seokjin, which I feel we’ve also gotten to see more of in recent months. Part of me (and that part can very well be wrong) feels that perhaps once the members caught on to Seokjin feeling the way he said he did/does, they decided to give him an extra dose of love and affection, off camera but also on where we can see it. That isn’t to say that they didn’t show him any of that before, but maybe they increased the intensity a little, a reminder that Seokjin truly is loved, that he deserves all of this, that it’s just his imposter syndrome (or at least what sounds like it) lying to him.

I’m still so touched and moved by the fact that he trusted us enough to share his feelings with us, to gift us Abyss and how it came to be, and that Bang PD was on his side and coaxed him into pouring his feelings into music, even if it would be “bad”, that the fear of it potentially being “bad” shouldn’t hold him back (and Namjoon helping in even if just a tiny bit with the lyrics). It was one of those times where I feel like we were all reminded that regardless of our opinions of BH and their doings, the members are surrounded by kind people who have their best interest in mind. After all what’s good for Bangtan is also good for the company, a win-win for everyone.

…wow, okay, I kind of went off on a tangent, I’m sorry…

Either way , then we have “Mikrokosmos” where we have a sweet moment at their part and towards the end where they switch mic and hear each other

I love this performance overall and especially “spring day”- jin’s and j-hope’s lovely voices and of course tae’s!! This song fits them so well and all the members of course

Well this is my rent , i love your blog and always wait for another post! Also i love the new idea and look forward to it!

Thank you so much for your submission and for bringing up their Dear Class 2020 performance. It was a truly magical one, and after reading this the first time, I did go and watch it again. To this day I’d still very much like to know how and when and why the mic switch between vmin happened, and I kind of hope that we might get a Bangtan B*mb or EPISODE about this eventually and it might shine some light on that question. Overall it was one of my favorite performances on 2020.

From Sky: While I enjoy cute, physical moments with VMIN, I really do value how emotionally attached they are to each other. For example (I don’t know if it fits as vmin moment but), I love how Jimin asked V to take the Promise cover photo, and how he ended up putting V’s name for credits on the cover. (Special Thanks to V, Best Photographer) This really shows a lot. Coz he can easily choose any Bighit photographer to take it. He could have chosen JK because we know how he takes good pics and vids too (and also apparently alot of people say that vmin had a falling out and that Jimin and JK were much more closer, lol). Or he could’ve asked Suga too bec he’s into cameras too. But he didn’t. He chose V, and chose to shout it out to the world how thankful he is for V’s help. RM co-wrote Promise, and maybe had offered more help in this project, but he didn’t put it in the cover. I’m not saying Jimin is ungrateful for not crediting RM in the cover. The difference is that he and RM had a vlive regarding the making of this song, a lot of people already know RM’s participation, he was officially credited as co-writer and Jimin really showed how thankful he is to RM. But no one knows of V’s participation (except for a snippet in that Run ep), so Jimin felt the need to tell it to everyone. I’m sure it’s not only the photos, I think he wanted to acknowledge how V helped him through the process, whether directly or indirectly. Also, remember this is Jimin’s first non-album solo single. By putting V’s name in it, he is sharing this very special song with his soulmate. How endearing it is! V also included Jimin in his first full English song. He used the two bears given by Jimin as Winter Bear’s cover photo and he included the photo Jimin took (sleeping V in the plane) in the MV. Like, seriously, they are trying to consciously imprint each other in their life’s milestones, openly or subtly. I’m crying. 😭

This was lovely, and yes, Jimin could’ve asked whoever to take those pictures, could’ve chosen any other ones, and yet he wanted Tae to be the one to take them, wanted those specific ones as covers. It’s very sweet and creates this subtle connection between Jimin, the song, and Tae. Sure, it isn’t the first time a picture Tae took is the cover for a SoundCloud song (the picture of JK on the 2U cover was also taken by Tae if I remember correctly), but it’s the fact that Promise is Jimin’s first non-BTS song, his first solo release, that makes it that much more special. Even more so when you think about how meaningful that song is to Jimin, and by having Tae as cover picture photographer, he’s in a way forever attached memory wise to that song as well, right?

The same also goes with Winter Bear and the two ceramic bears. Remember how excited Tae looked when I kinda spoiled that gift being a thing happening in an upcoming RUN episode during Jimin’s vlive during the summer 2019? Adorable. It’s also curious how though the title is singular—winter bear not winter bears—there’s two ceramic bears. One for Tae, one for Jimin? Maybe, or maybe I’m reading too much into it. Either way, it’s really cute, and it was a very thoughtful gift, even more when we think about just how much Jimin loves that song.

From anon: Love this idea it's super cute!! 1st thing that came to my mind is a rather simple moment, jimin bopping taehyung's nose and making a lil game out of it

Taehyung asking for more and that dazed smile 🥺 he had the same expression in that concert when jimin placed his face just above him, tae's smile afterward... it was so pure u could almost read "love" in his eyes lol

What a lovely note to end this post at, thank you for that. I don’t know what got into them during that photoshoot for Season’s Greetings 2020 but this was so disarmingly adorable. I remember when that moment appeared all over every sns and everyone just melted, myself included. Their smiles, the cute clothes, Tae’s head on Jimin’s chest, the softness and innocence of it, just all of it. It truly was so pure and like this sweet visualization of ‘love’.

And with that, we’ve reached the end. Did you like this? I had a great time reading your submissions and adding my little comments to them. If you’d like for us to continue this, same rules as last time, send in a submission marked with “VMC” and once we’ll have enough of them gathered, we’ll do this again, if you’re interested in more, that is. Send in whatever positive vmin you have, a thought, a moment, a memory, whatever you’d like.

Thank you once again to everyone who participated! :)