#one day i won't write a fucking fanfic as a reply but damn i'm having a lot of thoughts

[fridgrave2-0]

Do you think Calhoun and Felix are endgame or Felix and Turbo? For example, if there was any kind of possibility Turbo could come back, would they get back together because of unresolved feelings or would or be an aggressive side eye situation? lol

if we take a situation where turbo is mostly forgiven by others and goes through his therapy arc, then actually think of poly

turbo would hate the idea of being around felix 'cause he still has to process the whole "he turned me into a boogeyman" thing, so he always reminds himself that he shouldn't be jealous bc of calhoun, he doesn't want this fixing piece of shit anymore (he does, but he lived with this anger on felix for 25 years so he can't just let go). turbo actually tries to interact with calhoun when felix isn't around and very soon he understands that she's actually very cool. he's been through some shit between roadblasters and sugar rush period, still feels a lot of regret and pain about turbo twins and can relate to calhoun's loss more than anyone else in the group. and, well, the whole cybug thing also adds to it. as much candybug felt excited about becoming this mutant, it was a lot from the bug perspective, and when turbo got the full control over his mind and body the terror did hit him like a bus. tamora was able to give him the understanding of cybugs, and he shared how he felt when he was eaten. "it wasn't painful or anything, at least i don't remember the pain. but i didn't feel like myself anymore, like i was under players control again, and any attempt of taking the control back just felt so wrong." it was something tamora needed, many years she lived with doubt. did her fiance even had a chance of being the man she loved after being eaten, or it would just be a monster with a familiar face. now this burden fell off her shoulders. she wasn't the one who killed him, the cybug was

turbo saw a lot of himself in calhoun. this need to keep the front all the time, to stay in control, to hide most of the emotions and do not look weak. and just like with him, she began to open up because of felix. turbo wanted to warn her, say that he already got burned by felix's light, got too close and paid for it. but keeping the distance with fix-it actually helped turbo see the whole picture, and felix seemed different now. and it shouldn't be surprising, people can change in 15 years of which he didn't see felix. maybe it was calhoun's job, or an experience of almost being unplugged, but fix-it looked almost sad everytime turbo was coming up with an excuse to avoid him. turbo learned his lesson. why did he felt so bad seeing an unspoken remorse in felix's eyes?

tamora was the one, who made them talk after too much time of walking around and playing hide and seek. in last months turbo taught himself to apologize and be genuine about it, and he was ready to do it, but with felix everything goes wrong, as always. this was exactly what fix-it wanted, it has always been like this. when turbo apologized, that was making felix in the right, no matter what was the reason. he knew felix saw the world in black in white, and that means always there's the one who's right, and the one who's wrong. and my any means turbo never was a perfect or even a decent person before, and he doesn't think so of himself now just because he realized his bad actions and said sorry couple of hundreds times. being eaten by a bug and burn in lava makes you reconsider a lot of things. but he knew he wasn't the only one who was wrong, and the idea hearing it again from felix was the worst. so turbo bit his tongue and kept his apologies

...only to hear felix saying "i'm sorry" for the first time in 30 long years. turbo didn't think it was possible, but here he was, sitting in niceland with silent but proud looking calhoun by his side while felix was pouring out his soul. apologies mixed up with tears - turbo knew that felix always cries when he gets too emotional - and felix just talked and talked for ten minutes straight, not seeing how the tension was leaving turbo's body. he relaxed, listening to felix not with a sense of triumph, but with a bit of fun. couple of times he turned to look at tamora only to see her sharing this look with him, and suddenly everything just became so simple and trivial that turbo made felix stop talking by pulling him into a hug. he wished for his apologies for 30 years, and now when he got them he didn't want to listen to it. because what was the point? turbo got the point in first two minutes, he knew felix was feeling sorry, and to list all their mistakes and bad choices would take too much of the time they had already lost

"i got the jist, big idiot, you didn't have to write a whole essay about how sorry you are", turbo said with a grin and heard felix chuckle. then he sighed and hid his face in felix's shoulder, still uncomfortable with being so open. "but thanks... i'm sorry too, y'know?"

turbo felt how felix relaxed in his arms

"yeah, i know, little idiot", felix replied, and for the first time in decades turbo felt like home. while he was keeping his face in felix's shoulder and breathing the familiar smell of pie and brick dust, felix looked at his wife, who seemed unusually soft, and uttered without a sound small "thank you". after all, without her they wouldn't ever try

[wolfiefics]

I have a TON of old fics on my AO3 wolfiefics account. I assure you, however, I'm still a fan of those fandoms and likely have some WIP kicking around still that I'm tweaking constantly.

I like kudos. But even THAT is disproportionate to the number of hits on a fic. A fic could have 3k hits but like 100 kudos. Maybe 6 comments and 3 of those are my responses. This study is interesting regarding comments, but it doesn't excuse a reader's inability to hit the kudos. What will it hurt, even if you didn't like the story? It's not like that author is going to hunt you down and word vomit gush about their nine planned sequels because you hit the little heart.

Fan art gets spread EVERYWHERE. Reblogged constantly on Tumblr, people pay monthly support fees on Patreon or buy merchandise on Tee-Public or Society6, or download it and post it on Twitter, Facebook, Discord, etc. Fanfic? "Meh. The author doesn't need to know I liked it." It's so hugely unfair! And unappreciative of the reader. I don't do this for shits and giggles. I'm PRODUCING A PRODUCT FOR YOUR CONSUMPTION. Hit the damned kudo button!

If all the fanfic authors truly considered the number of people, by hit counter, reading their story that took days, weeks, months, and sometimes years to create but no one shows any appreciation for it, what will you do if we stop publishing? Decide you don't like it, I won't bother to put anything else up! This excuse of "the writer isn't writing for me but for them" baffles the FUCK out of me. If that was true, why would I bother to put it on the internet? Do you think that once I write it, I no longer have access to read it myself? It just password locks immediately and disappears into the aether unless I put it on the Internet? That's an excuse to justify being callous and expecting to be catered to at someone else's expense. As long as I'm slaving over your entertainment, my feelings or any acknowledgment of my labor is pointless and not your problem. I stop creating? Complaints on various blogs and such how "there's no fics anymore! The fandom is dead!"

The inequality between writers and artists making visual media of any kind is STAGGERING. Apparently any monkey can put words on the screen but draw something, photo manipulate, mood board? Best thing since running water. The skill! The craftsmanship! You put so much time in it! You're so talented! Visual artists ARE talented, I agree. I squeal and drool and reblog and purchase merchandise or Patreon support constantly. The amount of @mintmintdoodles merchandise I own is unbelievable. I'm still waiting for some to ship, in fact. But..."Oh. You write? That's nice." Writing doesn't equal talent to the masses. In all truth, popular fiction has always struggled with that, though. Catcher in the Rye? Literature. Studied by professors in universities. Mystery novel set in small town bumfuck? Eh. But you'll buy that mystery before Catcher in the Rye, I'll bet, won't ya? (assuming you read mysteries, but you catch my drift lol)

The readers who use the excuse of "when i do comment, if the author doesn't reply, they obviously don't care about my opinion." WHAT?! Where did THAT obtuse thought come from So? The hell? My main gripe on THAT nonsensical opinion is, so if YOU can use the excuse of "I'm too busy to comment" (but apparently not too busy to read), authors are prohibited from using it too? You do understand that fanfic is UNPAID, FREE? All we do, I supposed is just write our every waking minute, stopping for tea, coffee, water, food, and bathroom breaks? We don't have families, jobs, school, LIVES like you? We live in a self-contained bubble doing nothing but being monkeys in front of keyboard? A bit...elitist, arrogant and stupid of you, don't you think? Second to that, what author DOESN'T want a review?! They have an entire industry of reviewers on published works. Fanfic authors are exempt? Or is it that you don't consider us "authors" because you didn't pay for it. If that's the case, fuck you, don't read my shit. Your comment would be suspect anyway with that attitude.

I have been writing since I was 10 years old. I am, as of June 4, 2020, 48 years of age. That's 38 years off and on scribbling stuff. I used pen and paper, then the old electric typewriter my aunt gave me, then in college a word processor (as in that's it. It created textual documents. NOT a computer at all as you younglings understand it), then when I could afford it, a real live desktop computer I bought with hard earned money from fast food jobs. Now I use a laptop. I have three shelves of nothing but books on writing: plotting, creating scenes, creating characters of all personality types and how they mesh, thesauruses on words and emotions, world-building, different genres from historical to mystery to romance and even writing comics and screenplays. I have been a member in good standing of Romance Writers of America for almost 10 years, serving on the board of my local chapter twice (am currently secretary until the end of the year). I have given and taken workshops, panels, and conferences on various aspects of writing elements. I'm going to attempt my first pitch to an editor in August (which I'm nervous as hell about). I have four finished manuscripts in one series with the fifth 2/3 finished. Two books out of 4 in another series (which spun out of a Captain America fanfic I never finishedand converted). Plotted out four books in another historical series (1st attempt on book one, not so good). A paranormal series plotted for maybe the Harlequin lines. Several plots setup for single titles spanning from Alexander the Great, to a medieval male/male romance, a Stuart Era, and a Victorian. I have rough plots of a mystery series during Alexander's time. I've got shit to work on that might make me MONEY, and you think I'm writing fanfic for myself alone or a small, elite minority? REALLY? I want feedback! It doesn't have to be a New York Times or Book Review critique (though I won't turn it down lol). "It was cute!" Or "I like how you portrayed CharacterA". Even "good job". I know what I've written. I'm looking for a response to it. Do I continue? Is whatever new technique or experimental thingamajig I put in that story worth exploring and using again? They liked it! Maybe that sequel I've got in my brain is worth working on. No kudos, no comments? Failed experiment. Don't do that again. I suck at that pairing/writing style/plot device/whatever. Never. Do. It. Again. Noted. And you who enjoyed it but were an asshole and didn't kudo or comment, so sad for you! Nothing new to read. And it's your own damned fault.

It's just mind-boggling at how readers justify to themselves, to the point they now believe it as gospel, various excuses to get out of a social nicety. The only excuse in all of this study I'll concede to is social anxiety. Been there. Done that. On the meds, got the hospital bills and stays, panic attacks in public, all that to prove it. Lost jobs too. Even in the cocoon of anonymity for some its still too much exposure. I get it. Free pass.

All of my accounts have anon allowed. Tumblr and AO3. I have no grand expectations other than acknowledging I worked my ass off on what I posted. You don't like it, fine. You do you. Personally I kudo even on stuff I didn't like or thought was poorly executed. I don't know how old the author is, if they've been writing long or studied the craft. Maybe they don't speak or write English well and this is practice for them. Maybe grammar or spelling is not a strong suit, for whatever reason. They TRIED. They put it out there. It's their baby. They worked on it. They obviously have some pride in it, otherwise they wouldn't have made it public! Have a damned heart and some compassion! Golden Rule mean anything anymore?

I answer all my comments. I usually shoot for an evening after dinner once a week and answer them. Some VERY kind readers comment on every chapter if it's multi chapter. Those are rare. I hoard them like gold. I don't respond generally to every one unless they have a question or make a point that I feel needs a response. But I answer. I'm not a Big Name Fan of anything by any means so I don't get dozens of comments at a time. Some authors do though. Don't hold against them the fact they don't answer every one of them. Usually in the author notes (which you should be reading too, right?), they blanket thank for comments and kudos. Remember, we've got lives too. It takes a long time to answer continually dozens of comments everytime we post something. I assure you though, we're screaming our heads off, thrilled beyond belief. A comment = a writer orgasm. Just saying.

So next time you read a fic, even if you don't have time to write a comment, even a brief one, hit the damned kudo. We get notifications on those too. Seeing a reader's name over and over? Thrill a minute, I assure you.

So stop with the excuses and give us our due. We're writing for YOU. Show some appreciation, if you please. It's the polite thing to do.

Off soapbox because I really need to dry my hair, read a bit then get ready for more overtime tomorrow. Adulting sucks. I assure you, I'd rather be writing.

commenting is hard and scary: general trends in the reasoning of fic readers

an incredibly academic review of answers, asks, and replies by me, 2017, tumblrdotcom

Introduction

This post concerns the super scientific survey from yesterday.  A couple of you asked, so: the reason I wanted to know why folks don’t regularly comment is a combination of things.  The first is writing for spones, which is a rather new experience, and the comparatively tiny number of comments on what I think is a pretty darn good story, compared with the overwhelming enthusiasm for the s/u piece I posted the other week- it got me thinking, needless to say.  Second is the ever present discrepancy between number of comments and read-counts on new chapters when I post them.  Third is receiving comments that start ‘I never comment, but’ and finally giving into the curiosity of what that’s like, to read all this fic and not comment on it.  Fourth is the always circling posts of ‘comment on the fics you read!’ with explanations of why and how - it seems like those don’t totally get through to people?  I don’t know, maybe they do, but it’s not like I reblog one and wake up the next morning to a bevy of comments.

Methods

Participants included the metric butt-ton of anon commenters, plus those who replied to the original post which you can read here.  Too many to respond to without clogging everyone’s dashes, so we’re doing this instead.  

Results

There were five main categories that responses fell into: not having much to say (and the temptation of the kudos button), RL issues, finding commenting stressful, perceptions of the author, and other.

The Profundity of Comments

The most reoccurring reason for not commenting (or not commenting regularly) was a feeling of not having much to say other than ‘I liked it.  As one anon wrote, “i just honestly never know what to say and other comments are so well-constructed that i feel like my random “aww theyre so cute” would be inadequate.”  This pressure to feel profound was reiterated by others, such as another anon who suggested “I think not all readers are former lit majors who may get intimidated to leave a “thoughtful” comment and are reading to de-stress or something.”

Beyond this lack of profound and interesting statements on fics, there was a general feeling that leaving a kudos, favoriting a fic, or creating a bookmark was akin to leaving a short comment saying ‘that was great’.  One anon put it this way: “if I’m just saying ‘great fic’, it feels interchangeable with giving them a kudos”.

RL Issues

There was a reoccurring sentiment related to feeling like one has to be profound: not having enough time to sit down and leave the type of comment the reader wanted to.  Also included in this was not having the energy to do so, either because readers were enjoying fic as a way to relax and de-stress, or because they were reading in bed and were tired.  Another issue raised was the fact that mobile reading doesn’t lend itself to commenting, and it’s awkward to have to switch to a desktop to comment.  Finally, there was the simple problem of forgetting, despite all best intentions.  Life, as we all know, gets entirely too busy sometimes.  @samttuummaa ties this all together nicely and puts words to what a number of other folks said in their own replies: “Here’s the recipe: start with I read on my cell, where typing is a moth#£$&#@! of an experience. Combine that with the fact that I always had a million things to say so the reviews were rarely short. Toss that with a toddler wanting my attention. Let it all simmer in the fact that I only got to read in spurts of just a few minutes at a time… modify this recipe by adding a 2nd baby”.

Commenting as a stressful activity

This section of results fell into two main categories.  First was readers who struggle with social anxiety.  Second was readers for whom English is a non-native language, and either the difficulty of writing in english was prohibitive, or they were too self-conscious of their writing to enjoy the process of leaving a comment.

Author as a roadblock

Interestingly, many folks wrote about ways in which authors themselves were an impediment.  There was a general sense among respondents that if authors don’t respond to comments, it’s not worth leaving them a comment on their story.  One anon raises an interesting question, writing: “if the author then doesn’t engage with the comments… why is a comment better than a kudos?” Additionally, readers felt that writers who don’t respond to comments might ignore the comments they leave, or commenting might be bothersome or irritating to these authors.

Some readers had negative interactions with authors which turned them off from commenting.  One anon wrote: “Actually I left a good comment to a fic arthor and she didn’t reply back to my comment but replied back to everyone’s else and felt so horrible.”  Another recounted a story of an ongoing correspondence with an author that went south for no discernible reason, which made them wary of engaging with writers in the future.

Another aspect of the way in which readers’ perspective of the author interfered with commenting was a perception that fic authors don’t like short comments.  A second was that authors - myself included - are annoyed by pleas for updates, but that is what the reader really wants to write. (footnote 1: there is a difference between ‘update please!’ and ‘can’t wait to find out what happens next!!’  For me at least, the latter is more than welcome, while the former does tend to feel quite rude)

Finally, @what-if-im-a-mermaid and @mizjesbelle offered insight into the feeling that authors have their friends in fandom and that fics have an ‘insider/outsider’ culture, which the reader can be very much on the outside of, or that as an unknown reader, that feedback wasn’t pertinent compared to the author’s friends comments.  As @what-if-im-a-mermaid wrote “I also remember having this vague impression of fandoms as these groups of people who all know each other and comment on each other’s work and are friends and feeling, idk, ‘excluded’ is not the right term because i wasn’t sad about it, but like it was something I wasn’t part of? Like it didn’t concern me?”  @mizjesbelle follows up this comment by writing, “@what-if-im-a-mermaid I know what you mean about a comment section sometimes feeling like a club you’re not part of. I follow a lot of webcomics, and there are some I don’t comment on because everyone clearly knows each other. I know they don’t mean to be unwelcoming, but it can feel awkward.”  (footnote 2: I have made all of my fandom friends through discussions started in comments on stories and trust me, if you comment on a story of mine, I remember you and I love you)

Other

There were a number of reasons that fell outside the above mentioned themes.  These are that a fic is bad and the reader doesn’t want to leave criticism, being overwhelmed with feels after finishing reading a fic, the story is old, as a writer themselves they don’t care to receive comments and therefore don’t leave them as readers, and not realizing how it feels to put yourself out there and publish creative work.  @what-if-im-a-mermaid writes, “I think part of it is that if you’re a casual fic reader and you’ve never put yourself out there by posting stuff you created to The Interweb it can be hard understand how incredibly rewarding receiving any feedback at all is. For the longest time I thought of fic writers as a bunch of people who find writing so easy and intrinsically rewarding that they post billions of words on line for free, because it makes them happy.  They’re obviously Real Writers, very good at what they do, so why should feedback from a random girl who knows nothing about lit and writing affect them in any way? ‘ (footnote 3: it does make me happy, it’s so asldkfjasldkjf not easy, and if you enjoyed my story, you’re not random, see footnote 2 about how much I love you)

Discussion

Overall, a number of reasons stated here have made the rounds in fandom before: old stories tend to get few comments, folks don’t want to be rude and leave criticism, English is a ridiculous language, talking to authors can be scary, commenting is just plain hard when we all have work/school/kids/whatever, and the kudos button is right there for the clicking.

One aspect of these responses that surprised me was the variability.  A lot of people have very different reasons for not commenting, which I hadn’t ever really considered before.  As a writer, I interpret a lack of comments to mean that my writing is bad or boring, and even if folks are reading it, it’s more so out of not being able to find better fic than any true enjoyment.

Another thing I hadn’t thought about was the fact that for readers, the kudos button can feel the same as leaving a short comment - I don’t know about other writers, but those two feel entirely and hugely different to me.  However, having read through all your responses I think I can change a bit and take kudos more to heart and hear what you’re all saying: you enjoyed the story and had you commented, that’s likely exactly what the comment would read.  At the same time, I’d encourage all of you to consider how it feels to see a list of names of folks who have left kudos and know full well that only a handful of them stopped to tell you that they liked your story.

I was also surprised by the way in which a writer responding to comments made such an impact.  I had no idea anyone responded until one day I left a comment and got a response back and then I started doing it myself.  I mcfreaking love talking to readers through comments, especially on chaptered fic as I get to see their reactions as the story develops.  It’s like getting to read my own story through someone else’s eyes and experience it as if I’m the reader who doesn’t know what’s coming up in the next chapter, with all of that thrill and fun.  The same goes for one shots, though I don’t get to build that rapport over the course of the story.

Further Research

One question I’m left with is: for those of you who do comment, what is the draw for you?  And for those of you who don’t, is there a way for authors to engage you so that you would comment?  An anon wrote, ““FFN has this culture of the idea of asking for reviews being tacky, probably from the occasional ‘I’ll post the next chapter after 100 reviews’ fics” which I’m not suggesting or anything of the sort.  I don’t think that begging for comments is exactly the way through this.  I’m more curious as to whether there is anything that might change your commenting behavior - because trust me, I’ll do it.

Conclusion

Fandom is the best and continues to be one of the great joys of my life, and I imagine many of yours.  I wish I could convince everyone to comment, but I also respect all the reasons all y’all have furnished as to why that’s not realistic to ask.