#one day I will write my thoughts about scotts 'sacrifice' in double life

[pineapple-cheese-bread]

I have a HC about the Winners of the life Series.

Essentially, everyone has a "Prize" and a curse, the reason I put prize in quotation is because the prize can amplifie the effect of the curses ( Only sometimes its a 50/50 chance (aka only does it when I want angst) )

as a disclaimer some are more thought out then others

Grian:

Winner of the 1st game where patterns and trends got established, the game with no extra gimmick. Grian pledged himself to Scar after accidentally killing him, he constantly remined others that it was just till he lost his first life, but that never happened. He sticks with his Scar, setting up traps and being the only green to kill, untill it was just the two of them. Grians game ended with a duel to the death between Him and Scar, a fist fight in a cactus ring with the sun rising behind the two of them, a part of Grian knows Scar let him win, all the same, after claiming victory, he jumps off a cliff and ends the game properly.

His Prize was a simple dagger with three hearts carved into the blade, a lether grip dyed cactus green and a handle that looks like a rising sun and his curse?

Grian constantly feels cactus spikes in his skin pricking just at the surface but, and he will never tell anyone this, his back hurts, not constantly but sometimes while he's just going about his day pain will bloom over his back and wings like he's just landed on it from a high place.

If he uses the dagger (and he gets unlucky) the constant prick under his skin turns painful the pain in his back that comes and goes a constant, he knows it will hurt but the dagger is a good reliable weapon.

Scott:

Winner of the 2nd game with the first gimmick, the trading of lives and the boogyman curse. He played the game honourably sticking with his allies and keeping his promises, He was the only person to resist the curse choosing to go red rather then to kill one of his allies. He won the game in a fair fight between the last 4 players getting the finale kill with the help of a Zombie under the Moon, the two symbols of his fallen allies, He didn't get to choose his final death, he was struck by lightning sent by the watchers he had upset.

His Prize? A wooden short bow that's beautifully curved with three Axolotls two holding each end of the string and the thirds the grip, in the space between are four hearts (two below the grip and two above) the hearts have a sort of aurora carved around them, the arrows of the bow are star shaped an infinity bow.

His curse? There's a constant chant in his head, telling him he needs to kill, someone needs to die so he can stay alive, he's pretty good at ignoring it. Sometimes Scott's body feels like it's full of lightning burning his muscles when this happens its incredibly painful to do anything but he grits his teeth and pushes through, it's usally gone fairly quick.

If he uses the bow theres a chance that the chant gets loud drowning out most other thoughts and the lightning pain is a constant, with this he doesn't usally use the bow, saving it for moments where he can afford to go through the pain, especially if it means saving an allie or friend

Pearl:

Winner of the 3rd game, a game full of heart break for some and loneliness for others, Pearl was alone for the major part of the game through by no fualt of her own, living in her tower with her wolves an honorary red name while still on green. Her game ended in bloodshed as all games had, killing the final two soulmates, taking pride in killing Cleo and Martyn two of the three people who had screwed her over at the start which left her and Scott. Pearl never got the final kill she wanted, never got the pay back for the pain Scott had caused her, her death was the result of Scott sacrificeing himself leaving Pearl as the winner.

Pearls prize is a Scythe a huge wicked thing with a cresent moon shaped blade, at the top and bottom of the pole is a heart conceted with a carved string however around the string are carvings of wolves some of which have the string in their mouth trying to sever the tie.

Her curse, Pearl has the echo's of her maddening loneliness forever in her mind, it's easier to manage when she's around others always apart of some group, sometimes heat prickles under her skin, heat pushing up trying to escape but never being able to.

She uses her Scythe in games always to scare others, she doesn't mind the side effects that could happen, doesn't mind when the madness takes over doesn't care for the heat that keeps pushing pushing at her skin trying to explode out.

Martyn:

Winner of the 4th game where time was everything, the clocks all ticking down a constant reminder that their time is limited. Martyn spent the game close with Scott his allie, he knew it was his best chance to win. Martyn spent his red and yellow life hungry for time, more time he always needed more time, he got his time and made it to the finale three. Him, Scott his allie and Impulse, a fair and honourable match was proposed, but there's no honour in a death game, it's kill or be killed he wasn't going to lose. Martyns game ended in betrayal, a betrayal that was always going to happen, Scott was first then Impulse. Martyn got his time but he, like everyone, had to run out of it eventually.

Martyns prize was a Cutlass covered in coral, an hourglass carved into the blade and a red planet made of gems in its handle, its a beautiful thing to behold.

Martyn constantly here's the tick ticking of a clock counting down to something. He doesn't have a reminder of his final death instead from time to time Martyns skin will dry out a remined of his time on the coral isles.

Martyn doesn't use his Cutlass very often if ever, the potential consequences not worth it, the ticking becomes louder he becomes obsessed with time again wanting, needing to kill to gain more and his skin becomes bone dry often starting to crack. Though it's a good weapon he doesn't want to take the risk unless absolutely necessary.

Finally Scar:

The winner of the 5th game, a game full of secrets, Scar spent the game alone but not lonely, there where others around but he never really had an allie, everytime he would plan to make friends and allies the secret keeper had other plans. Do the opposite of what people say, become the villian of the server sabotage three reds, he couldn't get a break. When the final came around, still without friends or allies, Scar went with whoever at the time and when the final two teams were left he had to choose between Gem and the Scott's and the Mounders, ending up with the Mounders, with the help of Pearl they killed Gem leaving just her and him. The final kill wasn't exciting in fact Scar missed it entirely having to be told by the Ghost of Grian, the first winner, that she was dead. Scar never got his own final death, he lived in the world for months following the end of the game wondering through the Sunflower fields untill finally he was pulled out officially ending the game.

Scars prize was a metal long bow not too diffrent from his Hot Guy bow but this bow is green and brown, with sunflowers and scrolls decorating it.

Scar doesn't really have any curses, maybe the Watchers were happy with how he played the game, but he's cautious he doesn't trust that he's safe, he wants to tell someone but he doesnt know how the other winners will take him not having any curses, so he keeps quite, never telling anyone and living with the secret.

Scar hasn't used the bow, there hasn't been a reason too, he has other bows and there hasn't been another game yet, so he's fine with just using it as decoration.

And that's all, I would add Cleo but in my head Real Life was just them all drunk and wasn't organised by the Watchers just a bit of fun sort of thing.

Also what do you think of the prizes and curses? All prizes have the gimmick of the game, a symbol important to the winner and their Celestial bodies,

The formula I used for the curses was something relating to the gimmick of the game plus their final death, Scar never had a final death so idk what to do there if anyone has suggestions I'm open to hear them, as well as any suggestions for how to amplifie Scars curse.

I would love to draw the weapons but I have 0 confidence in my ability to do it justice.

Anyway this was longer then intended I'm going to stop before I make it longer but if you want to hear me rant about my choices please tell me and I will.

hope you enjoyed it.

[irrealisms]

no apple but a heart liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

i had the idea of vitalasubz funerary cannibalism pretty immediately after seeing "cannibalism" on the prompt list. it's a good concept. but i wasn't sure if i could get it to the minimum word count (it ended up juuuuust scraping by) so i decided to write the time loop fic first and then do the cannibalism as a bonus if i felt up for it

and then one of my friends (unrelatedly! without knowing about this!) started talking about eclipse fed cannibalism on discord, and i was like Man....i should write eclipse federation cannibalism....unfortunately i only really have enough ideas for One Scene of it.....and they were like write one scene then! and i went You Know What. youre right. and wrote this in one sitting

for research for this fic i read all of @erstwhilesparrow's mcyt cannibalism fics in a row. check those out if you haven't already: double life desertduo(&/)boat boys, limlife mean gills, 3rd life desertduo, new life owen(&/)scott

i knew basically as soon as i had the idea that i wanted to do stuff with the despawn timer. how much can you eat in 5 minutes, when you're grieving and dissociating and in shock, your action spurred on only by the knowledge that whatever you don't eat will disappear forever? that this is the only way to preserve anything at all of the one you love?

in contrast i did not know until literally the day of writing it that i was gonna do something with hearts-as-hearts. it was a good idea, though.

did you know that after subz dies, vitalasy stands without moving or speaking for 50 seconds, turns slightly, and then continues standing there without doing anything or speaking for another 13 seconds. yeah. fun little canon moment. it's also 63 seconds off the 5-minute despawn timer!

the title is from quattrocento by margaret atwood, which is a great poem. idk how well it actually works for this piece thematically, it works okay i think but i'm not doing a ton with serpent imagery here (even though i could! subz and eclipse are in fact totally doing various mythological snake imageries!) or with garden-of-eden stuff? but the imagery always stuck with me when writing cannibalism stuff and i hadn't gotten to use it for a title yet and figured this was my chance

cannibalism as devotion.... cannibalism as memorial...... mm. good stuff. i should have made a way to make this Eucharistic somehow, cannibalism-as-worship doesn't show up here as much but it would've slapped.

something that didn't make it into the fic but that i did have some thoughts about is vitalasy's feelings wrt zam + subz after this. i think he's glad, on some level, that he got to eat subz and zam didn't, but also he feels kind of guilty for feeling glad, but also he's arguing to himself that he shouldn't have to feel guilty, it's not like he stopped zam from being there, zam wasn't there bc zam isn't/wasn't on their team.

other stuff that is even less fic-relevant but that i've been thinking about is that you could do a lot with "if you kill someone you get their heart" + the various meanings cannibalism can have. cannibalism as domination of an opponent. cannibalism as possession. cannibalism as respecting someone's sacrifice. killing someone and then handing them their own heart to eat, when you kill someone and give them back the heart. yeah. fun possibilities!

shoutout to ihob. nothing much to say here other than i'm glad i somehow included ihob in the vitalasubz cannibalism fic. i love ihob. i love that bacon only eats pork chops even though they're worse than golden carrots! he's on three hearts anyway, what's the added saturation gonna do! i love the dumb fucking three-way contract for its ownership. i love. ihob.

fun fact: the only other fic on ao3 tagged with subz's suicide stream is ALSO a vitalasubz funerary cannibalism fic. i genuinely did not know this until after posting. what can i say, it's a good concept.

[softspiderling]

watching the teen wolf movie bc i’m bored out of my mind i’ll answer the asks when i get in the right head space guys don’t worry

@stilinskiderek this is mostly for you😭

sorry but liam speaking japanese cracked me up

the alpha???? plssss can you make it more obvious i’m crying

not allison😭

uh oh the red blinking light cannot mean smth good

jesus

LMAO SCOTT SAME

Help

what’s going on (i have not watched the trailer btw i do not know the plot)

chris’ reaction to bardo help😭😭😭

still??? like she’s been stuck between life and death for like 10ish years??

LMAO NOT BEWCON HILLS

i thought that’s where they were but i guess they’re in la

wait he hasn’t been back in beacon hills??

the way they act like they left after allison’s death lmao

bruh. i cannot look at holland the same after the shit she said about arden

HELP HAHAHAHHAHAHA

she still does the same face

the outfit is not giving

EWWWW

the ending of the series doesn’t even match up with the beginning of the movie but pop off i guess

OMG MINI STILES

you cannot tell me he’s NOT stiles’ son they’re exactly the same

HALE AUTO😭

he’s so babey

OMG ZADDY jordan

not that guy again (i forgot his name)

“his son” bruh the fixation on the jeep is family given

THAT ENTRANCE IS SENDING ME

HAHAHAHAHHA PLS CALL YOUR SON

derek is so daddy

eli is so derek and stiles’ son

“bc he knows i hate it” HELP

he even jumps out of the jeep likes stiles

he doesn’t even look like derek’s son😭

sorry but what was jeff thinking writing miniature stiles even though he despises sterek he’s so dumb

the trauma of allison’s death seems way too recent

there were like 3 seasons after her death and he never seemed to be affected by it until knoow

i know i know it’s bc of the plot

this outfit is way better

so what pairing was canon when the series ended? i legit can’t remember

EW NO

Not them

the amount of dirt seemed to have doubled in his fist lmaooo

LMAOO wait isn’t melissa here??? weird asf

jackson’s entrance is weird asf

how did lydia and stiles leave off?

jackson and ethan are still a thing😭

that is not how i pictured derek’s house to look like

LMAOOO

i missed his lil annoyed expression

THAT’S SUCH A STILES THING TO SAY

i’m so confused

LMAOOOOO

oh dang

so where’s his ‘mom’

oh jordan my man where’s all your hair

is he still a

WTF

ewwww

GROSS

Disgusting

that pairing doesn’t even make sense to me

he prolly left derek

oh man he’s so fed up poor baby

ew

skip

wasn’t he dating lydia at one point???

help that dude couldn’t have been chris right

LMAO right scott and malia used to date

awkward asf

this is so sus

what is GLING ON

OMG THWT IS NOT DEATON THATS THE NOGITSUNE i’m calling it

OMG WAIT CHRIS IS THE NOGITSUNE

LMAOOO ELI stiles’ son

it’s giving stiles

so they were walking through the woods for like an entire day

eli’s entire character is stiles coded

are they resurrecting her

they prolly did. and she’s gonna show up the next day or smth

WHAT RHE FUCK

why are all of them naked

omg it is melissa

ewwww

omg it’s coach

lmaooo

LMAOOK THE GRANPA LECTURE

“no that’s stiles’ son”

ALLISON DAME BACK TO LIFE WITH A MANICURE???

if she’s supposed to come back to life looking like she did when she died when is her hair long

why aren’t they sniffing her out

i am so confused

omg no chris 😭

bruh none of it makes sense

LMAOOKTHIS IS JUST MIRRORING STILES AND DEREK

bruh

they killed derek just like that?

doesn’t make any sense

that’s fucked up

oh okay he’s not dead yet

but like close

why isn’t he healing

doesn’t make any sense

bruh really peter

i do not understand the plot man

also liam’s role is so unnecessary??? and so is his gf??

what the hell just happened

PLSSS DEREK IS SO ADORABLE

“did you see your eyes”💀😭😭😭

LMAOOO YOU FUCKING IMBECILE I FSNT

why doesn’t derek turn into a real wolf tho

lmaooo ewwww

WHAT RHE FUCK

Emotional damage

why did derek have to sacrifice himself??? sorry but that doesn’t make ANY sense but okay

okay i need to process this shit

[cyclopstm]

                         DISABILITY && MENTAL HEALTH

This post will cover items such as disabilities, mental health, PTSD and trauma in relation to Scott. These are things which are either canon for him, or headcanons I want to pay more attention to on my blog.

I do not have any personal experience with any of the items I will address in this post, which means that most (if not all) of my information is gained through reading and research online. If there are items I missed out on or have described incorrectly, you may contact me about this to kindly help me figure out a new/better way to put things into words. It’s in no way my intention to upset anyone, or bring forth wrong information.

To me, it just feels like Scott is a good opportunity to improve the representation of characters and people who deal with visual impairment because the narrative that disability is binary caused that most blind characters in popular media have no vision at all. Blind characters in heroic roles like Daredevil, have powers that completely compensate for their blindness while blind people who don’t have these compensations are usually portrayed as helpless.

As a team leader and a superhero, Scott offers a good opportunity to include people who are visually impaired, yet often ignored or left out of the heroic narrative.

Needless to say, do NOT reblog this post && don’t interact with it if you’re not a RP blog.

                                             _____________________________

TABLE OF CONTENTS : 1. Scott’s brain trauma and injury 2. Scott’s PTSD during his youth 3. Symptoms and signs of PTSD for Scott 4. Scott is (legally) blind 5. Scott cannot distinguish colours 6. How Scott deals with his visual impairment 7. The X-Mansion and dealing with trauma 8. Additional notes

                                      ________________________

1. SCOTT’S BRAIN TRAUMA AND INJURY When Scott was a young boy, he went on a travel with his parents and his little brother Alex. The family’s private jet was ambushed by an alien Shi’ar scouting ship. The boys lost their parents on that unfortunate day and in the crash, Scott took a hit to the head after his mutant powers manifested for the first time and allowed Scott to break his fall and allow him and Alex to survive. The head injury Scott suffered on that day would permanently disable the part of Scott’s brain which would have enabled him to control his optic blasts. Additionally, Scott (as well as Alex) suffered traumatic amnesia regarding the accident. Unlike his brother, Scott was forced to remain hospitalized for up to a year.

As a teenager, Scott began to suffer from severe headaches and he was sent to a specialist (Mr. Sinister in disguise) who provided him with lenses made of ruby-quartz. Scott’s mutant power erupted from his eyes as an uncontrollable blast of optic force and the only means to control it ever since have been the ruby-quartz lenses Sinister gave him. Sinister knew the lenses would help due to experiments and research he had been doing on the boy while Scott lived at the orphanage where Sinister had feigned being the owner.

2. SCOTT’S POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER DURING HIS YOUTH After losing his parents and waking up alone at the hospital after the plane crash, Scott was placed in the State Home for Foundlings, an orphanage in Omaha (Nebraska) where he was subjected to batteries of tests and experiments by the orphanage’s owner, Mr. Milbury (alias, Mr. Sinister). He placed mental blocks on Scott and took on the role of ‘Lefty’, who was Scott’s roommate and bully at the orphanage. During his time spent at the orphanage, Scott was subjected to several occasions which would leave him traumatized — such as the attempt of one of the other orphaned boys at taking his own life, and Scott’s failed attempt at saving him. Any time anyone came close to adopting Scott, Sinister intervened.

At some point, Scott demolished a crane with his optic blast, by accident. He had saved a crowd of people by using his blast again to destroy the crane before it would crush the people, but they believed he was out to kill them and chased the young mutant boy. Scott woke the attention of a mutant criminal who sought to use Scott’s powers in his crimes, but abused the kid when Summers refused. At that time, he had also attracted the attention of Charles Xavier who tracked down Scott and took him in as the first of his team of X-Men...

3. SYMPTOMS OF SCOTT’S PTSD — Reliving the traumatic event (during his childhood) :: as a boy, Scott was fond of airplanes and dreamed of becoming a pilot himself one day. But when he was taken to an air show by one of the orphanage’s nurses, he had a violent traumatic reaction in the middle of the show, reciting things he otherwise doesn’t consciously remember. — Negative Thoughts and Feelings :: Scott often deals with feelings of anger, guilt, fear or numbness. He’s prone to blame himself for things going wrong on missions with the X-Men. When someone comes to pass, he’s quick to take up responsibility and the blame for it, and occasionally even deals with survivor’s guilt. Scott also feels cut off from his friends and family and hardly keeps much interest for day-to-day activities. He hardly does them to relax, but rather only when they become necessary. — Avoidance :: Scott feels like he has to keep busy at all times, he doesn’t want to think or talk about anything in relation to his past, feels emotionally cut off from his feelings, struggles to express his emotions or affection towards others and thus comes across as numb and cold and very serious and occasionally does risky things which could be self-destructive or reckless. He’s often the first in line to sacrifice himself for the X-Men not only because he’s their leader, but also because he has little to no value for his own life. — Disturbed sleep and lack of sleep. — Taking risks and hypervigilance. — Intrusive thoughts. — Nightmares. — Trust issues. — “No one understands.”-mentality. — The sense of never being at peace.

4. SCOTT IS (LEGALLY) BLIND While Scott was born with perfectly normal eyesight, and perfect vision, he no longer has the ability to see without his ruby-quartz lenses ever since his optic blasts came to manifest. Only ruby-quartz can keep the optic blasts under control, meaning that any other means of vision such as regular glasses or lenses would not be of help for Scott. Scott literally can’t see without his ruby-quartz shades. Opening his eyes would prove incredibly destructive to his nearest surroundings.

Someone who is completely blind can’t see any light or form. Of the people with eye disorders, only about 15% can see nothing at all. If you’re legally blind, you can still see, just not that clearly. Normal vision is 20/20. That means you can clearly see an object 20 feet away. If you’re legally blind, your vision is 20/200 or less in your beter eye or your field of vision is less than 20 degrees.

In addition to being unable to distinguish colors due to the red tint in his glasses, they also reduce his low-light vision, which means Scott deals with low vision.

5. SCOTT CANNOT DISTINGUISH COLOURS I’m not using the term colorblindless in this post for the main reason that Google gives me too many search results in relation to racism, and I do not intend to use a term that has a double meaning that could be taken the wrong way.

Scott’s ruby-quartz lenses cause him to see the world through a veil of red. The lenses are tinted in red which alters Scott’s general, every day perception of the world. He sees the world in shades of grey, white, black and red and can no longer distinguish any other colours. Maybe rather than ‘colourblindness’, Scott deals with something alike to monochromacy. Though, Scott’s monochromacy is perhaps not of a kind that has been officially diagnosed in real life cases before.

The comics and movies rarely acknowledge Scott’s eyesight aside from him claiming to have an ‘eye condition’ as an excuse for him to wear sunglasses all the time. Scott’s adaptations to being unable to distinguish different colours would be mostly rather subtle and maybe it doesn’t inherently add onto the story a comic book or movie wants to tell, but they shouldn’t be ignored in how I wish to bring Scott in my writing...

6. HOW SCOTT DEALS WITH HIS VISUAL IMPAIRMENT — High contrast text and browser extensions for reading. — Color coding his outfits. He labels them with what color they are and organizes his closet by items that go together. — As a prodigy at billiards, Scott has a special billiards set adjusted to his specific needs. — Large prints for letters, books, digital fonts, etc. — Increased brightness on any of his devices’ screens. — Assistance from ‘self-driving’ tech when flying the Blackbird or riding his motorcycle. He knows the majority of controls through muscle memory by now. — Assistive technology to improve contrast, especially at night. — Scott owns a touch-based Rubik’s Cube. — Help from his closest friends.

7. THE X-MANSION AND DEALING WITH TRAUMA Scott and Ororo both (among others), are hyper aware of the traumas some of their students have experienced. They recognize behaviours and reactions in trauma survivors because they have been in such a position themselves as well. They made sure the school has a clear set of rules and policies on the safety and comfort of students. The school faculty received training in mental health first aid, there’s places students can retreat to when they feel anxious or suffer from power meltdown.

People like Scott, Jean and Rogue would know how to handle students who have gone through different types of abuse. As trauma survivors themselves, they’d take extra steps to reassure students who have every reason to distrust adults. They would announce themselves when approaching students from behind, maintain wide personal space bubbles and refrain from initiating physical contact such as hugs or touching students without asking them first. They see there’s no use in raising your voice to the kids, and won’t tollerate any kind of jokes about trauma. Scott is rumoured to be very strict on the rules of the house concerning mental health.

8. ADDITIONAL NOTES While Scott is aware that there is no shame in any of what he deals with every day, he still keeps it under wraps a lot. He doesn’t ever want for his visual impairment or his trauma to become his only and main personality trait other people associate with him. This is why a lot of people may not even know that he is dealing with these things on the daily. He’s very subtle about everything and only those who get to know him better may begin to see and notice things which indicate that he’s disabled. Scott has grown so adjusted to living with his disabilities that they commonly no longer cause him trouble.

The only people who know Scott is visually impaired because he told them himself are Charles (confidant and father-figure), Jean (lover, the person he maybe trusts more than anyone else), Hank (as the resident scientist), Ororo (as his fellow team leader) and Emma Frost (as his therapist).

Scott has been able to take therapy sessions with Charles during his early years, and later on with Emma Frost. Jean has also helped him an incredibly great deal on coping with his trauma and PTSD, lack of self-esteem and dealing with his emotions and expressing them more openly.

To this day, Scott still suffers from migraines and occasional moments of memory loss. His brain injury does not always allow him to maintain or store knowledge accurately. His migraines are a result of his optic blast building up surplus energy. When Scott can’t use his optic blast regularly, he will build up a surplus energy which manifests into migraines.

[whimsicalethnographies]

My Thoughts on Endgame

Major spoilers and a TL;DR on how it all collapsed under its own wibbly wobbly timey wimey logic

So, to start, it was fine.  Like, it was just fine.  There were parts I liked, parts I hated, parts I refuse to except as canon (and may not have to), and parts that just didn’t make any damn sense.

And at the bottom of it all, is how the movie was “a gift to the fans” and, while unspoken, a swan song.  The fan service was TOO heavy, and it really felt as though they thought of their fanservice moments, and then built the story around those, rather than building a story and finding fanservice moments to sneak in.

Ok, things I liked:

There were genuinely funny moments, most of which didn’t feel smushed in.  Nobody likes the stairs Hulk, and I’m glad that Steve has accepted that sometimes his Cap lines are a little Too Much.

While I hated the death, I do like that Tony Stark is literally the messiah of the universe.  He didn’t owe anybody anything anymore, but he still took the step and made the sacrifice to protect his wife and his reality and his children.  Plural.

I did like Tony being done, wanting out, yelling at the group.  He was at his end and couldn’t do it anymore, and while there are legit discussions to have about CW--I think they were both wrong in a way--but the fact is he was right about the greater threat and nobody believed him.

I can’t believe a dorky photo of Peter Parker looking like a fish and messing up bunny ears and Tony Stark not smiling saved the universe.

Tom Holland is gonna win an Oscar some day.  I knew what happened going in--I HATE not knowing--so while I got teary during several points, I started blubbering when he said, “we won, Mr. Stark.  Mr. Stark, we won.  You did it, sir.”

RDJ should win an Oscar for this.  There were moments that were OOC but he still put everything into it.  Him, Nat, and Peter were really the only ones I *felt* in this movie.  

Their reunion hug--Peter coming back and being Purely Peter, and Tony looking at him, like oh my god, he’s exactly the same and I can’t believe he’s rambling like this I missed him so much.”

“Activate Instant Kill!”  Oh, my sweet baby boy Peter.  You kept the gauntlet safer than longer than anyone.

Tony Stark has been my Pretend Superhero Dad since I first saw Iron Man in 2008 in a dollar theater while munching on a sneaked-in Whopper.  He is Iron Dad, both to Morgan and his Spider-son and he took an extra step, one he didn’t have to do, to make sure they both made it ok.

Also, and I love Carol, but Thanos yeeted her the fuck off the field with the power stone.  Tony Stark withstood the power stone using his nanotech shield on Titan.  Most Powerful Avenger.

Scott is a joy.  

Cap and Mjolnir was an okay scene I enjoyed, but it was a prime example of writing the story around fanservice.  Yeah, it was fun, but it was better to imagine he couldn’t fully lift it in AoU because he knew about Bucky and the Starks, so he wasn’t fully worthy.

Now, the things I *didn’t* like:

How did Carol find the Benetar?  And how did she get it back?!  Like, I know because she’s the embodiment of the Space Stone she technically has omnipresence and/or is capable of light speed, but does that extend to other objects?  Wouldn’t it have torn the Benetar apart?  

The time jump was *off.*  And I have a hard time believing Tony would have just moved on like that.  I think he would have tried, but it was too easy, considering.

The strange mismatch between desolation--NYC, arguably the most important city in the world, is a ghost town, while other places are fine?  More on infrastructure problems later.

Hulk dabbing.  Come on.  Was that a joke on Bruce being old and out of touch, or are people still dabbing in 2023?

Thor.  Oh Thor.  His PTSD was treated as a joke--save his convo with Frigga--and it sucked, especially since they did so well with Tony’s PTSD.  That’s the writers, who we all know have had their noses up Cap’s butt since forever.

The fact that it’s implied Pepper knew Tony wasn’t really happy when he went to talk to her about solving time travel.  That he wasn’t settled, that this still weighed on him, even when it was hopeless.  Why’d she let him build that life then?  

“You can rest now.”  Yeah, ok.  Suffer so much, finally get what you want in your grasp, then your reward is death.  See above.  It cheapens his sacrifice because it’s implied he was never fully immersed and happy with his life.

Nat got done dirty.  I wasn’t ok with it.  I know it was supposed to be the final, “erase the red in her ledger” moment but why?  Like Tony, she already had. 

The infrastructure issues.  The universe was halfed, then doubled, five years apart.  Even if we accept that all of Peter’s friends and Flash were snapped, still doesn’t fly.  See below for a possible out.

Cap.  Oh Cap.  My guy is dead but at least he’s The Hero.  But they ruined Cap’s character.  I don’t for a second believe he’d just sit and hide with Peggy.  And they discussed heavily what happens when you subtract something from a timeline, and the splits, but what happens when you ADD something?  I know the implication is that he was always Peggy’s husband, but it still doesn’t work, for the timelines stuff AND his character.  And who’d he steal the shield from?  He took something!  And I don’t for a single second believe he went to Vormir.  Nope.   This was Steggy fanfic.  And I don’t honestly care, but the fact is that he’s been working on moving FORWARD.  A man out of his time trying to find himself.  He literally took a step backwards.

Ok, adding on to that, the timey wimey nonsense.  The movie spent SO MUCH TIME explaining the logic of their own rules and then don’t follow them.  Here are some diagrams from my childhood bestie who gets time shit more than I do.

Apparently here is what they were trying.

They seesaw back and forth, but in the end Timeline F is the same as Timeline A, or the one they started from.

BUT, here’s her diagram of what actually happened:

It’s a big fat mess, and if the End Timeline is F, then the timeline where Tony snaps is D, and it got very confusing very fast.  She’s going to type it up for me, but apparently the last third of the movie can’t exist per their own logic, least of all the end, especially because we don’t know exactly what Tony wished for.  Was it the destruction of Thanos?  What happens when you add a past to a future then delete that past?  Where’s that timeline?  What happened with Steve’s stuff?  LOKI? A1 never ended because they literally took it. It’s not there anymore.  Steve stealing the Pym Particles?!  He took something and didn’t put it back. Another branch off.  Did Tony wish, “give me what I need to fix this?”  IF he did that, she posits, he smushed the timelines together to make everything coherent, AND potentially fix the infrastructure issues, so while A Tony’s BODY may have died, which Tony was it?  Did he have a moment in the soul stone, like Thanos?  Is that a requirement?  What did he do/say there?  (Also, just pointing out, never trust a funeral without a body, and the power of the Soul Stone is literally that no death is permanent.  That’s its canonical power!!)

There’s so much mess and I’ll have more when my friend sends along her stuff.  But I have NO problem deleting most of this from my mind, and I already have ideas to fix it, but I’ll leave those stories in the hands of people better able to tell them (I’m looking at you, @iron--spider) because I’m a dialogue bitch myself. 

I told @iron--spider last night I felt adrift, and typing this out I know why.  I’m not mourning, I’m not excited.  I’m devastated by Tony’s death but there’s so many logic holes my brain isn’t even struggling to see a way around it.  I’m livid about Steve, because he went backwards.  Thor’s trauma was played for laughs.  I have no satisfaction because of ALL THE HOLES, and because they literally wrote a story around fanservice--a huge amount of it their own--instead of writing the story and then adding fanservice to it.  

It was fine.  I’ll probably buy it when it’s released, but I don’t need to see it again.  And I’m curious about Far From Home because of the infrastructure but I don’t know if I’ll wait until it’s out on video just because I don’t have any urge to watch Peter Parker mourn another parent.

In the meantime, until the fix-its start rolling in, here’s a ready-made fix-it that Iron--spider wrote last year, to hold us through:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/15183011/chapters/35211239

It was fine.  And so full of holes it doesn’t even cement its own canon, despite what Disney officially decided to put on the big screen.  

“I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

So I finally saw Endgame. And I’m not remotely sorry I waited this long. 

But now I do understand why when I came back to tumblr there was absolutely nothing on my dash about it. 

I saw it last night and I’ve been so angry this whole time I couldn’t sleep. What even the fuck was that?! Look, as a Thor fan, I’ve grown accustomed to having my baby written poorly. but WHAT the FUCK was THAT?!?!?!

Holy christ. Holy god. Just... just... I’m so angry. 

I thought Tony’s arc was good, but, as usual, he carried the fucking movie because Tony is the only character they can consistently write. Everyone else eventually devolved into trashfire. Well, that’s not true, Scott Lang sure got some good shit in. So, if you’re an Ant-Man or an Iron Man fan, this movie was a good time for you.

But everyone else... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god. 

I’m 50-50 on Steve. There were some good Steve moments, I liked that FINALLY we got a taste of the consequences of Civil War that I have BEEN WAITING FOR. It fucked me up watching Tony pull off his heart and shove it into Steve’s hand saying, “Take this and hide behind it.” I... wow. holy fucking shit. I’ve been waiting for THAT. And Steve did a good thing when Tony comes back, all fucked up about Peter, and Steve has the good grace to say “We lost him” to acknowledge Tony’s guilt and to understand, apparently for the first time, that Tony always thinks it’s his fault and he will carry this burden right into the fucking grave. Thanks for retroactively paying attention to Tony’s character arc Steve. 

So, that bit was good. But then we married him to Peggy? Really? Like, Peggy Carter is a wonderful lady but... we’ve spent the majority of Steve’s arc digging him out of this, getting him to move on. And I know every team movie has amnesia and doesn’t understand how character development works, but you have all of Steve’s relationships right here. Bucky’s alive, Sam’s alive, but no, Steve goes back in time to live out his days peacefully with some lady? Again, not that Peggy doesn’t matter, she does, but.... oh my GOD WHAT EVEN WAS THE POINT of introducing Bucky back into Steve’s life if not to force him to live in the NOW? Why bother giving Steve ANY friends??? I just... UGGGGGHHHH. And doing that ACTIVELY CREATES MORE PROBLEMS. What if they had kids??? We don’t know if the super soldier serum can get passed on. What if the descendants of Steve Roger are running around??? I just... I get that we had to put these characters at peace and they tried to give them a “happy ending” but... this seems like a backtracking. Steve could still pass on the mantle in the present without totally fucking over his character arc. 

Bruce... was fine. Thought it was a little rough how they addressed the Bruce/Natasha situation but as apparently everyone retroactively thinks that was a bad idea... I guess this is what we get. Also, I love how we nixed all of the possible ships with Valkyrie in this one. Which I guess follows what with NO ONE knowing how to pick up from Ragnarok. I mean... okay, I guess. 

But SPEAKING OF NATASHA.... fuck you. Just... fuck you. Clint easily could have died there and it would have been justified and it would have been fine. It wouldn’t have affected the plot in any way. You do sort of double-down on taking fathers away from their families by killing both Clint and Tony, but... Clint’s character has been a trashfire this whole time. The man wanted to go to atone for what he had done in his family’s absence. And I know Marvel offered us the peace offering of lining up every female Marvel character to protect Spiderman to prove how many female characters they have and it was really nice to see Pepper matter again and that great scene with Frigga and that’s all really sweet but... you still killed Nat for no reason. And definitively made her one of the two people that cannot ever come back, Incidentally, the only two people who can never come back are women, so. No matter how you sliced that, it was always going to be one-sided one way or another. 

But I really do think it was justified to sacrifice Clint to the Soul Stone. Clint had other people in his life, his family, he was functional, supposedly, before all the shit went down. Natasha has always had nothing, Clint’s always been remarkably important to her. As a sacrifice, killing Clint feels worse than killing Nat. And Nat’s been trying to die for her found family this whole time, those scattered people she was trying to hold on to, that she struggled to function for. It just would have been nice to reward all her trials by giving her her family back and letting someone else take the bullet for a change. *siiiiiigh* 

Nebula was great, I liked what was done with her. I fully gave up on our time travel making any sense when she shot her past self and then didn’t blip out of existence. I guess the argument for that is that the Nebula that exists branched out further back in the time line so killing herself from slightly further ahead does nothing, but... still, our time travel was a hot mess and y’all know it. 

I think I’ve covered all the major players now except... my baby. So, the first half was great for Thor. I love that he was the one to behead Thanos. I love that he was SUPER fucked up about his failures, his failure to protect his family, to protect his people, his failure to make good on all his promises. Absolutely accurate, Thor WOULD be wrecked by what he couldn’t do. And, sure, okay, he drank enough to give him beer gut, I... fine. I do NEED to point out that he’s a god, his metabolism is different so the quantity he would need to drink to even achieve that level of pudge is beyond reckoning. And, as a god, he should have been able to drop it too. But Okay.

And then there’s that sweet scene with Frigga. I did love that we brought back an underserved female character and let her have a moment with her son. I enjoyed that a lot. What I did not like was Everything That Came After That. I don’t like that they wrote Thor tackling his guilt as a stumble in his self-confidence. I don’t like that because Thor’s depressed now, he’s also stupid. But, y’know, no one has EVER written Thor’s intelligence well (Except you Taika, you, as always, did nothing wrong and I love you) so why the fuck should that change now. I don’t like that Thor ABSOLUTELY should have used the gauntlet the first time because then MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T FORGET TO WISH BACK ASGARD. Like that’s an actual, genuine plot hole. Half of Asgard is STILL DEAD and that’s never addressed because y’know fuck the Asgardians I guess. What they lost doesn’t really matter because that didn’t happen during the Mass Dusting so fuck your problems Thor. No no, it’s fine, it’s absolutely fine that Thor had to destroy his homeland, lost half his people, lost every meaningful relationship he had and then FUCKS OFF WITH THE GUARDIANS?!?! FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT! 

No no ABSOLUTELY FUCK YOU. FUCK. YOU. I am SO mad. God, what a CARDINAL misreading of Thor’s character! And HOW DARE YOU use that “Be who you are, not who you’re supposed to be” BULLSHIT! How DARE YOU use Frigga’s words to negate Thor’s character development! We settled this back in THE FIRST FUCKING MOVIE but no one can EVER be bothered to write Thor right so FUCK ME I GUESS. Absolutely FUCK THIS. No yeah no, Thor who has been constructively making amends and shouldering his father’s mistakes FROM THE BEGINNING no no, he’d just fuck off, abandon the people he failed, yeah no it’s FINE That’s ABSOLUTELY FINE yeah Thor feels absolutely no loyalty to his people or desire to do right by them, fuck every last one of you sons of bitches. 

And I won’t lie that I am personally pissed about Loki but this disgusting, final betrayal of who Thor is is the Last Fucking Straw. And if the point was to retire the originals WHY DID YOU SADDLE HIM WITH THE GUARDIANS WHO OBJECTIVELY ARE NOT FINISHED?! Like, they have past Gamora now who has no relationships with any of these fucks, their shit is NOT straightened and you’re just throwing Thor into the mix??? What the fuck for?! Just let him be king of Asgard and then you NEVER HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN. That was his retirement! Ruling his people like a GODDAMN MONARCH. Y’KNOW. LIKE HE’S ACTUALLY GOOD AT AND HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. *screaming* 

I can’t, I just... and “Asgard already has a king” exCUSE ME?! Valkyrie’s only been back with her people for FIVE YEARS after being gone GOD KNOWS HOW LONG. Literally LONGER THAN YOUR LIFESPAN THOR. And Valkyrie ISN’T a leader! She’s a soldier! What did we watch her lead??? What exactly are yoru examples of her credentials??? What proof do we have that the, I remind you, GREATLY traumatized, Asgardian people even trust her?! It heals far more damage to let the prodigal son redeem his family and make up for the mistakes. And this isn’t to shit on Valkyrie, she’d probably do fine ruling Asgard but she DOESN’T want to, there’s absolutely nothing in her character description that says ruler and this was all just a fucking excuse to let Thor go off and play Big Lebowski with the Guardians of the Galaxy and I am PISSED TO HIGH HELL about it! 

The thing that pisses me off the most is that it would not have materially changed their plot in anyway to just bring Asgard back, let Thor use the Infinity Gauntlet. Yes it would have fucked him up, but does that really matter? You weren’t using Thor for jackshit anyway. Let Hulk triple team Thanos instead, you know you want to. As you bothered to write Bruce like a person today. What would it have changed to bring back Asgard? Other than y’know providing more hands to fight Thanos’ army. Like, did anyone else notice that Wakanda is apparently the only army we know? That was some fine ass tokenism at the end there, woof. Letting Thor use the gauntlet was their last chance to let him be the person he actually is. And... instead they trashed them. Because they have never cared about Thor. They NEVER believed they could sell him, never had confidence in him as a character, never marketed him effectively, convinced themselves that the audience didn’t care for Thor... and so here we are. 

I’m so... mad. About all of that shit. That not once could these writers do right by Thor. I’m just going to go back to living in Ragnarok, fuck all of this.

[all-alone-he-turns-to-stone]

We don’t believe what’s on TV - Chapter 25

<<Chapter 19 / Chapter 20 / Chapter 21 / Chapter 22 / Chapter 23 / Chapter 24 / Chapter 26 / Chapter 27 / Chapter 28 / Chapter 29

Resume: I had an ordinary life, or that’s what I wanted to believe. I lost myself in the TV series that I listened to forget the normal boring life. What I didn’t know, however, was that my life would change completely overnight.

Finding myself in 2013 at Beacon Hills County.

This will be a Stiles x Reader but only further in the story

In this chapter: Hypnosis and demons, what’s inside my head?

Word count: 5783

A/N: Yeah yeah I know I’m a week late but I got a double words chapter! This chapter is the hypnosis as you could have guessed. It’s more on the reader story line, and y’all can learn a bit more of what’s happening to her and how she got there. But especially, what’s inside her head. Thanks to @maddie110201 who proofreaded it tonight, you know you’re the best, right? I hope y’all like this chapter! I’m a bit nervous about it so please tell me what you thought of it! (Ps: if you’re on the tag list or if you really enjoy this series it would be super kind to leave a feedback! It makes the author wanna continue! And especially with this story, it takes a lot of time for me to write it but only a couple of seconds are needed for a feedback!)

"I don’t think it’s actually a good idea ..." I murmured, my arms crossed against my chest, staring at the metal basin filled with water and ice. "Finally I don’t want to very much," I continued, laughing nervously, feeling the gaze of far too many people on me.

"Y / N ..." A voice came close to me and warm hands rested on my bare, cold shoulders. My body was already cold and I hadn’t even put a foot in the basin. "If you don’t want to, nobody's going to force you," Scott finished, stroking my shoulders gently. I glanced around at the animal clinic where Scott was working. The exact place where Isaac was hypnotized in the same basin in the same way and where Scott, Stiles and Allison would make the sacrifice to the nemeton in order to find their parents at the end of this season.

In front of me, on the other side of the basin was Deaton. He had his arms crossed on his chest and was waiting, his neutral gaze hiding all his thoughts. Scott was on my right, supporting me as best he could. Stiles was on my left and when my eyes met his, my heartbeat slowed slowly.

I didn’t know what to do. I had agreed to come, agreed to be hypnotized even if I had to get into the damn bath filled with iced water, and why? Why. I already had my memories, it was the biggest lie I had told them, my so-called memory loss. What would happen if the words came out of my mouth without my consent? The voice was angry at what I was thinking about doing, I could feel a dull ache in my chest. If I went into the basin, I didn’t know how I would get out of it.  

"And what is he doing here?"

I turned slightly to look at a fourth person who was in the clinic a little behind, his back against the wall and his gray scarf inappropriate in the warm weather of the past days.

"Isaac has already been hypnotized, so having him with us is an asset, Stiles," Deaton replied and Stiles rolled his eyes mumbling whatever was with this scarf dude.

"I'll do it," I decided finally, closing my eyes tightly to take a deep breath that made shake my whole body.

" You are going to regret it. "

I then opened my eyes, really convinced. If ever Deaton could get crucial information from me to save lives in the future, even if it made me suffer, it was a good thing. And even though the voice was angrier than ever, I didn’t care. I hated its continual presence in my head that kept me from sleeping, thinking, living. Nightmares and blood were invading my dreams every night. If I could get rid of it, or at least make it angry, I would. It was a bit of a personal revenge.

And that was the biggest mistake of my life.

The water was frozen as my foot broke the watery surface, causing me to shiver, my breathing cutting through the shock. Scott helped me get into the basin while Stiles looked at me, biting his fingernail mechanically, surely very nervous. I entered my other foot and this time, the shock of the cold water brought out a painful sound from my mouth frozen in O.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Stiles asked as he moved his hands towards me, his look worried. "Isaac is a werewolf, but she's a human. In the very lethal sense. "

"If Y / N doesn’t stay too long there won’t be any problems," Deaton explained as I sat slowly in the water, my eyes closed and my teeth clenched so that my jaw didn’t tremble. Scott's warmth on my arm left, so I found myself sitting in the basin, the icy water to the shoulders.

"No problem he says ..." Stiles grumbled before turning his back to us, putting both hands in his hair. For my part, the cold prevented me from thinking rationally and speaking because my jaw had started to slam.

"And now?" Scott asked Deaton in a pressing voice, meaning that even if he had been the one proposed the hypnosis, he was very worried about me and not very much for the drastic methods of the basin filled with water and ice.

"Someone has to keep her under water, someone who has a strong connection with her, someone who can bring her back," Deaton mumbled and then only the sound of my teeth slamming together filled the silent room.

"Stiles.” That was all Scott said before he got away from the basin. Stiles jumped, not understanding why he was chosen, especially since he visibly hated the idea. But he didn’t refuse and came to me while passing a hand in his face to stand behind me. I only knew he was there when the warmth of his hands could be felt on my half-submerged shoulders.

"Y / N, are you ready? "

I swallowed hard and nodded positively as the words could no longer get out of my mouth properly. I was just wondering how I could answer his questions with the cold that was paralyzing my facial muscles. The water was so cold that a burning sensation was replacing the icy water on my skin.

Then Deaton nodded and a pressure on my shoulders tipped my head under the water. I had just enough time to take my breath and close my eyes that the cold and the blackness engulfed all of me, even my thoughts.

The darkness. That's all I remember, that's all I could see. My body was immersed in a space without movements or limits, numb, as if it didn’t belong to me. Something was wrong, especially when the feeling of cold that accompanied me at the beginning disappeared completely.

And that's when I heard the screams.

Heartbreaking screams piercing my eardrums painfully. But I couldn’t cover my ears because my body was absent.

The taste of blood on my tongue was strong. I no longer felt my tongue but the taste was present. Just like this desire for murder, strange and above all, an envy that didn’t belong to me.

Then the sensations came back into my body. Slowly my feet began to peck and my hands burned. I could feel something against my body, soft and wet. A cold wind passed over my back and my wet hair fell against my face. I moved my feet and then my fingers and it was at the moment my skin recognized the surface against which I was lying flat on my stomach that I understood something had gone wrong.

My eyelids opened abruptly as my head turned in suddenly in all directions to pick up an element that could help me situate myself. And unfortunately I recognized too well where I was.

The forest.

Panicked, not remembering to have walked so far and even less to have gotten out of the basin, I straightened up too quickly. But my muscles protested under my gesture and I fell flat on my stomach, grunting in pain. How could I be here? Soon the panic took possession of me and I began to breathe quickly and with difficulty, my eyes filled with water. My lips parted in the hope of making a sound, but my throat was dry, irritated, as if I had been shouting for hours. And the metallic taste in my mouth didn’t make me want to calm down.

I crawled on the ground to the nearest tree trunk, sobbing and weeping. I was lost. With a bonus memory hole. And above all, I was alone and unable to get up.

Then I began to weep for my incompetence and my weaknesses. I should never have accepted. Never.

As my panic attack rose in me uncontrollably, only making me more panicked, a noise behind me made me jump and immediately froze afterwards. I was still on the ground, belly crawling, my fingers leaving traces in the malleable mud. My breathing stopped immediately and my heart began to beat so hard in my temples it was all I could hear. A branch cracked and my fingers sank even deeper into the ground as I closed my eyes, a new sob trying to come out of my mouth. I held it as much as I could, but a pathetic little sound came out all the same. And when something landed on my back, the cry that came out of my mouth was painful.

"Y / N!” A voice I took several seconds to recognize spoke and I turned abruptly towards its source, my mind bathed in the confusion to see him.

"Derek?" I mumbled with difficulty, my voice hoarse and inaudible, only seeing his red eyes shine in the night. Among all the unimaginable people, it was Derek who found me? How did he know? How did he find me? Why was he here?

"I'll bring you back." He said to me, avoiding crossing my gaze by taking me in his arms. At the time, I didn’t think to be wary or ask myself more question, the relief to be found by a familiar face burying all questions. The warm idea of ​​going home was so comforting I could only snuggle my face against Derek's neck, whom was now walking slowly in the forest in total silence.

Then it struck me.

"Where is Scott?" I finally managed to ask, the words forming with difficulty in my mouth still numb and my throat, irritated, still burning. I hadn’t noticed how cold I was, my clothes and my hair were still wet.

"He had to do something," Derek answered but I knew he was lying. Something was wrong, his explanations made no sense. His tone itself, which was sure, hard and neutral, hid a hesitation.

"I disappeared and he has better things to do?"

"We have separated to seek you," he added afterwards, as if his lie needed rectification.

"What happened," I insisted, fear slowly grabbing my stomach as my hands grabbed on his t-shirt, my eyes filling with water. Something had happened. Something serious enough for Derek to come pick me up in the middle of nowhere. It had to be pretty serious for Scott to not find me before him.

" I don’t know. "

Derek Hale hadn’t look me in the eyes when answering my questions either time, lying to me twice.

"You know that your mania for answering without really answering is really frustrating.” I mumbled between my teeth, feeling the anger rising from not knowing, my hands holding his shirt released the fabric to form weak fists. But Derek didn’t add anything afterwards.

Finally we emerged from the forest under my most obvious relief. I sighed, still sobbing a little as Derek walked to his car parked just off the edge of the reserve. He opened the passenger door with one hand and then placed me inside and before I could glance at him or add anything, the door shut in front of me. I heard his footsteps circling the car and he embarked on the driver's side, turned on the engine and started the car.

During the ride, Derek had made a phone call.

"Yes, I found her. She’s fine. Okay. "

And he hung up. I hadn’t even bothered to ask him who it was because I knew he wouldn’t answer. So I could only fix him, sitting in a ball against the door, my stomach turning in my belly, anxiety wreaking havoc. My body was still trembling with cold and fear, uncontrollable and very unpleasant tremors. I had no control over anything. Everything seemed to escape me, the truth flowed between my fingers. I was so weak.

A street light temporarily illuminates the interior of the car and I noticed something abnormal that made me straighten out while sniffing. I didn’t remember wearing red clothes today, but my memories were lacking so I didn’t pay more attention than that. But when a dim light illuminated again the dark interior of the car, I finally understood, raising my hands in front of my face which decomposed itself in horror.

My clothes were not wet with water. And under the dirt that covered my fingers, there was only red.

I was covered in blood.

"Stop the car," I panicked, glancing over at Derek, who left the road with his eyes for a few seconds to stare at me before putting them in front of him. His expression didn’t help me calm down. He was hiding something and I knew he felt compelled to do so.

"Stop the car Derek! Stop the damn car!” I yelled, knocking against the door several times, pulling on the handle while weeping with all my might.

"Shit," I heard briefly before the car made a quick and sudden turn to the right and as soon as the vehicle was immobilized, I rushed outside. My legs didn’t support me so I fell on my knees immediately, a high up in my throat with a sob of horror. I trained on all fours to reach the headlights of the car illuminating the deserted road in a sinister way. I didn’t want to know. But I had to see.

Once in front of it, I had confirmation. And the fear only intensified.

I was covered by mud and blood. My clothes, hands, everything. My sweater had a collar of red that stretched towards my pants, torn and covered with dirt.

"What happened?" I cried, my nerves dropping me. I didn’t understand anything. Nothing. Nothing made any sense anymore. "Tell me what I've done ..."

I couldn’t lift my head to look at him. It was too hard, the weight on my shoulders, imposing and painful, made me inevitably fix my hands in front of me, trembling and covered with blood. But whose blood? And why did I feel so weak?

"I was asked not to tell you anything ..." Derek started and I knew he got closer by seeing a shadow appear near my hands. "But I don’t agree with them. "

Surprised, I raised my head abruptly towards him, my eyebrows rising in the meager hope of having explanations. He crouched at my height in front of the light of the car and placed his hands on mine which stopped shaking. His gaze was worried, from what I could see in the darkness and the tears that confused my vision.

"I don’t know much because I wasn’t there when it happened. I was called, with Scott's phone. But it wasn’t him, it was Deaton, his boss. He looked panicked, and his voice pressing. He only told me I had to find you, that it was urgent. That I shouldn’t ask questions and that I had to call the number when I got you near me. And especially not to tell you. "

"W-why ..." I tried but my voice, trembling, made it very difficult to speak. "S-Scott ... not ..."

" I don’t know. I'm sorry, Y / N. I wish I could tell you more. "

The discussion brought me nothing but sobs and a growing fear of having done something horrible, or worse, hurt someone. I couldn’t live with the idea that the blood that covered me was someone else's blood.

Derek helped me back into the car and took us home, at his loft. I didn’t ask why, I was too afraid to know the answer and I was too lost in my thoughts to do so. At that moment, I would have liked Stiles to be there to take me in his arms. I would have liked to cry against his chest while his comforting hands were circling against my back to calm me down. I missed him terribly, and never before could I admit it.

But I could just hardly walk to Derek’s bathroom, helped by him.

I took a shower to clean the dry blood off of my body and tried to drown fears under liters of hot water, stolen smoke.

I walked with difficulty to Derek’s bed who told me he was lending it to me for the night.

All this happened in a fog of sadness and fear. The mattress cracked slightly under my weight as Derek helped me to settle down there. He had lent me his clothes, since mine were still worn out, and put the blanket near my chin. His kindness was so new and unexpected that for a moment I forgot the cause of my suffering.

"Why?" I murmured, still trembling. Cold or fear? Surely the two, mixed with the dull and omnipresent pain. "You do this for me ..."

"You saved my life, Y / N. I can lend you my bed for one night,” he smiled softly.

"Tomorrow ..." I asked not knowing what would happen afterwards. What was going to happen when the sun would rise? Would I stay here in silence and without knowing what had happened at the clinic? In fear and the unknown? The anguish was so intense in my belly that my heart began to ache and I felt nausea coming.

"Tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet," Derek murmured in a grave voice where I could detect pity. Then I met his eyes and I understood. It wasn’t pity, but empathy and understanding. "Sleep, now," he added before putting his lips on my burning forehead, a gesture that left me surprised all the more because he hadn’t hesitated to come to me. I didn’t know Derek very well, but his gesture was so soft and caring that a faint smile stretched my lips as my eyes slowly closed under the sudden inexplicable fatigue.

And I saw everything. I saw what happened in my dream, as if I were present in the room. As if I was watching an episode of Teen Wolf in my living room but way 2.0. And it was so strange that for a moment I thought myself at home in front of my television or in front of my computer watching the show. But I was really in the clinic, my body not appearing when I stretched my hands in front of my face. I was there by not being there, as if my mind was visiting my buried memories.

I couldn’t feel anything. My body was floating in this space where the last things I remembered were happening in front of me. No cold, no heat, no pain, I had no body. While the me of my memories entered the basin, I turned my head on all sides, looking for what was going to degenerate, the cause, the beginning of the end. And above all, I was waiting to see what had happened and how I had ended up in the forest. But I couldn’t look far, because the hypnosis had begun. My attention was then immediately on the scene and I don’t know how, but I managed to advance towards my body. My head had come out of the water, and Deaton was speaking softly to me, while Stiles' hands, still resting on my shoulders, were shaking slightly. I first thought it was the cold making them shudder but then I saw his gaze.

He was scared.

Suddenly everything degenerated. My nightmares changed shape completely, the walls began to flow blood and the image became blurry, tangled as a shrill sound echoed in my ears. Around me everything went black.

And when the image came back and the rest of the scene continued, I shouted.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to suddenly awake from a dream, sometimes shouting, others, moving in all directions. But this time, when I awoke from this dream or rather from the nightmarish memories that I would have liked to never see or live, I was no longer there. My mind was buried beneath a sea of ​​guilt, sadness and anger that made me sick. I almost threw up, but nothing came out. And with good reason.

My body moved of itself, like a robot, as my gaze fixed the void. My hand resting on the mattress and my bare feet walked without feeling the cold of the floor. I was wearing only a t-shirt that was too big for me that Derek lent me for the night and my underwear that I had kept, so I knew the cold would soon strike. But I walked all the same, one foot in front of the other, my face lost, my head full of remorse and my heart cut in two.

I left Derek’s loft without anyone seeing me or stopping me and headed towards the forest as if I had always known the way. As if I was destined to return there from the beginning. Everything had begun there, and everything had to end there.

Nor did I feel the gravel beneath my feet or the dead branches of the forest when I reached it after I no longer knew how many minutes or hours. The sun was just beginning to dawn on the horizon, and never did the silent tears stop rolling over my cheeks like the sobs in my chest. The pain didn’t leave my heart, poignant and stabbing.

I had to leave. I should’ve left at the beginning, the moment when Allison made me question my decision. I shouldn’t have listened to her, leaving was the best choice from the beginning.

"Where are you going? "

My body froze when I recognized the female voice. The branches cracked beneath her feet as she walked around to stand in front of me. Her brown eyes were sad and worried, but a resolution also shone in them.

"You won’t go far dressed like that and especially barefoot," Allison pointed. I realized that the last time she had stopped me from leaving, she almost told me the same thing.

"How did you find me?" I asked, trying to hide my surprise to see her amongst everyone.

"I followed you, Derek called me, he had to go out so I watched over you. When I saw you leave, I preferred to follow you to find out where you were going. "

"I have to go," I murmured, swallowing a sob with difficulty. "Do you know what happened? What have I done?” I added, the pain betraying my emotions on my face.

A time. A silence. A pause of a few seconds that lasted an eternity of suffering.

"Yes," was all she said. Allison lowered her head to hide her face behind her hair and she tried but in vain to hide her emotions that I could easily detect.

"Are they are okay? Is Stiles doing okay? What about Scott? They must hate me ... you should hate me. You should put an arrow in my heart before everything degenerates to such a point again. "

"Everybody's fine," Allison whispered softly, cutting me off in my words. "Everyone is doing well," she repeated more for herself than for me, sighing. She didn’t tell me everything.

"Allison ..." I asked, fear returning painfully, my hands shaking. She sighed again, rubbing her forehead with her fingers mechanically.

"Stiles got out of the hospital, he had a concussion. He doesn’t remember what happened," she ended up saying.

A long sigh of relief escaped from my lungs, less pressure on my shoulders.

"It’s for the best. It's better he doesn’t know ... anyway ... "

"You remember what happened?" She changed the subject by raising her head after discreetly wiping her eyes with her sleeve, my self-destructive words wounding her.

" Yes. I ... my memories came back to me in a dream and ... I can’t believe that ... I ... Stiles ... Scott ... Isaac ... I ... they ..." I couldn’t finish my sentence because I burst out sobbing suddenly, incapable of keeping them anymore under the flood of memories that invaded my mind. All the restrained tears ran down my cheeks and a cry of pain tore the silence of the night. Mine.

Allison came to take me in her arms. I didn’t expect such gestures on her part especially after what I had done.

"It wasn’t you," she said softly. "It wasn’t you and we’ll find a solution. "

And it was in these arms that I decided to let myself go to my memories. We fell on our knees on the cold ground, and hardened by the fresh temperature of the morning. My knees got scratched as I passed, but it didn’t matter to me. Memories invaded my closed eyelids like an interminable horror film.

"Y / N, you must listen to my voice, my voice only. Can you hear me? "

" Yes… "

" Okay. You have to tell me, Y / N. Do you remember anything before you came to Beacon Hills? "

The water in the basin overflowed the edges as I moved my head frantically from left to right, not wanting to answer the question. He saw me. He watched me. I was scared. My eyelids contracted even more.

"Don’t be afraid, Y / N. You're safe," Deaton continued, and the pressure on my shoulders suddenly calmed me down. The sensation, the unusual heat in the biting cold that enveloped me was relaxing and comforting. My body stopped its spasms and my tense face relaxed.

"Yes," I replied, seeing red eyes in the darkness of my closed eyes. It was there. It looked at me. It was waiting.

"Where do you come from, Y / N? "

My heart beat unequally, causing my body to tremble abruptly in the cold water.

"I can’t answer ..." I murmured, feeling sharp claws colder against my heart, more painful than the icy water in which I could feel my body bathed.

"Y / N, where do you come from? You can answer. Everything is fine. "

My heart missed a beat once more and this time it was so painful my mouth opened to scream.

"Doc, stop!” A voice I recognized shouted and the sudden pain stopped as my body dropped dead in the basin. The red eyes approached, it wanted to hurt me. It wanted to silence me in all the ways possible, its dry lips stretched to show its long and sharp teeth.

"Elsewhere," I replied like a machine.

"I don’t think all of this is normal," another voice spoke as the lights started flashing, but in my memory I couldn’t attach a face to the voice.

"Everything is okay, Y / N,” Deaton went on, ignoring the other voice." What are you doing here? "

"I ..." I started to see the thing coming closer. It was getting closer. Its red eyes burned with anger and impatience to hear my answer. Its smile stretched further, breaking the skin of its cheeks, causing the blood to flow over its chin. "I ..." I tried again, its long fingers stretched out toward me.

"I want to change the future, save ..."

But I could never finish my sentence.

Because the hand reached my face.

Its fingers forced into my mouth, dislocating my jaw in an impossible angle, preventing the cry of pain from coming out.

Blood invaded my mouth and stuck in my throat as the monster, the monster of my dreams, entered me. He took my body and put it on as if it were just a jacket.

"At last ..." Its hoarse, dark, dull and painful voice echoed in my head. And it was weak and impotent that my eyes suddenly reopened, the light of the clinic causing no burn on my pupils until then accustomed to darkness. My field of vision wasn’t normal, it wasn’t human. Everything was red, shiny, visual faculty multiplied by 100.

"Y / N ...?” Deaton's voice spoke, but my head leaned to the side, a small smile on the corner of my lips as my hands stood on the edge of the basin to help me get up.

"Y / N ... is asleep. We should not wake her up, right?” My mouth was moving. My voice sounded like an endless echo in my ears. But I wasn’t the one in control.

"Y / N, wake up please," a voice came from behind me. A voice that warmed my chest and spasm made my weak body tremble.

" Not him. Not him again. I have to kill him. He's always there when I'm about to take control. I need get rid of him. "

My eyes fell on Stiles, who stepped back from seeing my face, frightened. My legs left the bath and my bare foot landed on the cold floor, followed by the second to slowly walk to him. And when my hand stood up, ready to hit, nothing happened. I hold on, the most I could, using all my remaining strength.

"Stupid human."

The relief then invaded me, lowering my guard. Everything happened so fast. At the moment when I thought it was over, after I had used all my strength to prevent the thing controlling my body from harming Stiles, weakness invaded me, giving the monster all its desired power. The weaker I was, the stronger it was.

And without me being able to control it, my hands clamped on Stiles' chest and I pushed him brutally. So much he revolved a few meters backwards and crashed against the back wall to fall to the floor, unconscious.

My voice screamed in my head and my actual hands clutched my ears as I did. Stiles, not him, not Stiles, stop, don’t, no, don’t hurt him ...

But I was weak, and my words did nothing. Powerless, I could only look.

And cry pathetically.

As Deaton went to Stiles, I turned to look at Scott and Isaac. Scott had his face torn. He had just seen his best friend being pushed like he was weighing nothing. He didn’t want to hurt me. But Isaac, meanwhile, charged without thinking, his claws out.

I don’t know how, but I was the last to stand, the two werewolves on the floor. Scott probably hasn’t given everything he had, he knew me, he didn’t know what was happening to me, he didn’t want to hurt me. Isaac, for his part ... his reluctance to hurt me was questionable. However, I couldn’t think long. The blood covered my hands, a few stains permeated my clothes. And my friends, the people I held the most were on the ground, all wounded and unconscious. All except Deaton who could only look, his eyes widened.

The sight did me something. Stiles. Scott. Isaac. All three were wounded. The inhuman force that was in me, the thing that controlled my body was not me. Hate, desire for murder and anger were not mine. My eyes filled with water slowly as my hand I didn’t control came to wipe my cheeks and my mouth sighed.

I could only do one thing. To save those I loved, I could only do one thing. It was dangerous. Deadly. Dumb.

"Allison is going to die. "

I could use the pain against itself.

The words had an instant effect and even the thing that possessed me didn’t expect it. It didn’t expect me to have enough strength to pronounce a single sentence. But I did. Seeing them hurt, I just couldn’t stay still. I couldn’t stay crying of despair in a corner of my mind. Adrenaline and rage invaded me, strength following close. The pain caught my heart and twisted it in all directions and I began to spit blood more than ever before. I said something so important, something I couldn’t have said in normal conditions.

The blood sank on my chin, fell on my hands covered with the blood of my friends, soaked my clothes with the sinister red hue. It was so intense and painful that my body, the monster controlling my body fled from the clinic, coughing in my own blood. It rushed into the forest. And it was exhausted, weak, hurt, unable to walk a single centimeter more, cursing me with all his rage. As I fell to the ground, the monster that possessed me, the most affected by pain, could no longer keep the controls.

And that's how I woke up after the hypnosis. In the forest. On the ground. The taste of blood on my tongue and my body weakened.

No one except Deaton had heard my confession, Scott, Isaac and Stiles being still unconscious, none of them could hear the words coming out of my mouth. I didn’t know why and how I'd done to defeat them, where the supernatural came from, but that wasn’t my biggest worry at the moment.

I wounded them. I didn’t even know if they were safe. Or how I could have put them in such a serious state that even hours later, Derek was the one who had to come get me.

My mind couldn’t chase the image of Stiles' face when the hope of seeing me had disappeared to give way to fear.

I suddenly returned to the present moment.

Allison still held me in her arms, in the forest.

"I am ... tired of being weak," I sobbed loudly, my jaw possessed by uncontrollable convulsions. "I-I-I can’t… B-be-powerless… I can’t… I never w-wanted… Need to l-leave…"

"Y / N, you can’t leave. We'll find a solution, you'll see. We’ll… "

"Why c-couldn’t I go?" The wind blew through my back, silent and cold, just like my mind, mute and frozen in denial.

"Because Scott would be demolished. Because I would miss you.” Allison sighed. "Because Stiles wouldn’t survive.” Before continuing, Allison drew back from my shoulder slowly to look me in the eye. I could see no fear in her pupils.

"I'm not afraid," she confirmed. "I know you don’t want any harm. You want to save us." She continued before stopping again to take a deep breath. "I know how it feels… I once felt weak, powerless. I know what it is. And that's why I'm going to teach you. "

"W-What are you going to teach m-me?"  I didn’t understand. How could she want to help me after everything I had done? Why did she stop me from leaving? Killing me would have been simpler. Everything would have been finished.

"All I know," Allison finished as she stood and stretched out her hand.

My gaze passed from her hand to her eyes, which, in the morning light, shone with a thousand lights.

I took her hand.

In the next chapter : Training. Lying. Saving. Or at least, trying. 

Tags: @kwien-cee @saoirsewhittle @standalls @anonimereader06 @shantayok @thiscuriouslymiss @dashofsunshineblog @negative-love @sarasmismyonlydefence @sharenaloveyoux @hoedorshegort @tomlinsonlovers @brianaisasongbird @xcastawayherosx @reganf @quit-it-stilinski @captainsherlockwinchester110283 @bunnyboo10154 @pass-me-jeez-it @maddie110201 @lovelustmendes @imaginationgotmegood @5sospoplikerock @mmeyers915 @caitsymichelle13 @capandbuck @tegan-eva @zoejane28 @mysticalbanshee @artgurl559-blog @roscoes-backseat @teenwolfimagines1841 @jimmyisfab @chivesoup @stilesxxl @slightly-depressed-idiot @parislight @yougottalovefandoms @eleventhdoctorsangel @ajlly @hattyohatt @xqueenariax @meliv99 @tarared @sometimeshopedisappear @susybird @marianakebe11 @drivebywaystobetherewithyou @nitro-girl @idkmilla @pacifythepanda

(I can’t tag the one on bold)

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[mrjohnangulo]

PAX Unplugged 2018 II: Previews of Godsforge, Wavelength, Ubongo! Fun-Size, and Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

by W. Eric Martin

Following BGG.CON 2018, I had thought that I was through with con coverage for the year, but then I asked Scott about attending PAX Unplugged, which took place in Philadelphia from Nov. 30 to Dec. 2, and he said sure, so off I went. I hadn't attended PAX Unplugged when it debuted in 2017 as it took place the same weekend as BGG.CON 2017, so this was new to me — and new to many other people as well based on the size of the crowd. The exhibitor space had roughly doubled in size from 2017, but the crowd seemingly hadn't — or at least that's what some publishers told me, with them estimating that the increased competition for attendee dollars hadn't been matched by a corresponding increase in attendees. Of course maybe the other exhibitors just had better things for sale. So many factors play into such things that it's hard to know for sure, and PAX has not released attendee figures as of this writing.

When can be said for sure is that publishers both announced new titles at the show and had upcoming games available for previewing, but they had done little in the way of marketing them ahead of the show — or perhaps I'm just no longer hep enough to track all of the social media platforms on which publishers do things these days. (Using the word "hep" is probably a good indicator of this.) For example, the first sign of Godsforge on Atlas Games' social media accounts that I see is a tweet that was posted on the second day of PAXU only twenty minutes prior to me tweeting about the game after having played it. Weird. In any case, Godsforge is a 2-4 player game from Brendan Stern with hypnotic otherworldly art by Diego L. Rodriguez that would ideally be on a six-foot-tall banner in order to attracts the eyes of passersby. Each player starts with 20-30 life depending on the number of players, with everyone attacking left and defending right in order to be the last one still in the game. On a turn, everyone simultaneously rolls four dice up to three times using standard Yahtzee rules, then each player lays one of their four cards face down in front of them. In any order you want, players reveal those cards, paying the cost of them via specific numbers on rolled dice, the sum of rolled dice, veilstones, or a combination of the above. On the dice, 1s can be any number you wish, while an unused 6 can be spent to acquire a veilstone. Spells provide one-shot effects, while creations go into play in front of you, with some of them providing one-shot "enter play" abilities in addition to possible attack and defense values and sacrifice abilities. Once all the cards have been resolved, players assess damage comparing their attack value against their target's defense. You then ditch any cards you don't want, then refill your hand to four. Once a player is eliminated, everyone still in the game starts taking damage from them each round in order to hasten the endgame. I played a shortened two-player game with an Atlas representative and enjoyed the back-and-forth of play, the call-and-response of cards as my opponent attempted to chain out multiple creations in order to take advantage of special abilities, while I tried to keep him in check, boosting my health through spells, then digging for veilstones in order to put out a powerful creation that required the sacrifice of veilstones or one of my creations each turn. This style of gameplay is familiar from other games, but the art and graphic design is not, and Atlas would do well to highlight this as much as possible.

Sample cards in Godsforge

• Designer Elisa Teague was in the Ultra PRO booth for much of PAXU to demo her new dice game Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!, which debuted at the show from UP's Playroom Entertainment brand. The game includes 25 dice, and each of the 2-5 players in the game start with the same number of dice, which show a lion on one side, a blank on the opposite side, and a bear and a tiger twice each on the other four faces. All players play simultaneously within a round, starting by rolling all of their dice on the table. Each player then chooses one of the three animals from among their rolled dice, with lions being worth four points each, tigers three points, and bears two. After choosing an animal, the player sets aside all of the matching dice, then decides whether to roll again. If they roll the right animal, they'll score more points, with non-matching animals being irrelevant; roll any blank sides, though, and those dice are returned to the box. As soon as all players stop rolling in a round, whether voluntarily or due to them having no more dice to roll, they score points for their chosen animal, then a new round begins. As soon as a player loses their final die, they're finished, and once all players have lost all of their dice, the game ends, and whoever has scored the most points wins.

Earring dice not included in the box!

• Thames & Kosmos, the North American branch of KOSMOS, debuted Grzegorz Rejchtman's Ubongo! Fun-Size Edition, which is yet another take on the Ubongo family of games that debuted in 2003 and that has sold more than five million games according to the cover of this particular item. As in Ubongo, players of Ubongo! Fun-Size Edition compete to solve individual puzzles as quickly as they can. Each player has a set of eight polymino pieces, each a different color. Players decide before the game begins whether they'll use the A- or B-side of the puzzle cards, with the A-side puzzles requiring exactly three pieces to complete and the B-side puzzles requiring exactly four. Which pieces? Well, you have to figure that out for yourself, with each puzzle having at least three different solutions. At the start of a round, each player receives a new puzzle card and must race to fill in the blank spaces as quickly as possible. As soon as one player has done this, they start counting down to zero and everyone else must complete their puzzle before time is up. Whoever completes their puzzle card in time keeps the card for a point; the player who started the countdown both keeps their card and earns a gemstone worth one point. After eight rounds, the player with the most points wins. To even the playing field between adults and children in Ubongo! Fun-Size Edition, the adults can play without the yellow piece — a straight line that covers three spaces. All of the puzzles can be solved without this piece, but doing so will be more difficult than normal...

• Wavelength is the creation of designers Alex Hague, Justin Vickers, and Wolfgang Warsch, and a prototype of this 2019 release from Palm Court was available for playing in PAXU's First Look area beside the exhibitor space. Wavelength is a party game in which you try to get your teammates to correctly guess where to place a dial along a spectrum, the endpoints of which are defined for the round by two bipolar concepts, such as "mysterious — expected", "round — square", or "useless emoji — useful emoji". In more detail, the cluegiver looks at a card that shows two pairs of bipolar concepts, then chooses one of them and places the card in the device's holder. They close the window on the device, then spin the wheel to randomly determine where the target will be — all the way at one end of the spectrum, in the middle, or somewhere between the middle and an end. They close the window and give a clue to their teammates, who then move the red dial to where they hope the yellow bullseye target is located. The other team then guesses whether they think the first team is on target or to the left or right of the target. Teams score points depending on how well they do, but as with many party games, the points are kind of beside the, um, point. Ideally everyone is giving clever and amusing clues, and the table gets to feel what it would be like to have hung out with Oscar Wilde.

We had only three players, so we fudged teams and did round-robin sessions of clue-giving, guessing, and counter-guessing. Overall the game delivers on what it's trying to do — assuming that the cluegivers can do their part, of course — but the turns in which the bullseye falls at the far end of a spectrum are disappointing because there's no mystery about them, nothing to discuss or puzzle out. If you have a spectrum of "evil — good" and the cluegiver says "Adolf Hitler", then you dunk for the round, shrug, and move on. The middle 80% of the spectrum is the interesting part because that gives everyone trickier challenges, and I'd prefer the device be reworked so that you can have a bullseye only in that range. The game is still in prototype form at this point with a somewhat wonky device, so we'll see what it all looks like some months from now when it's actually coming to market. (By the by, bipolar concepts like "ugly — beautiful" are used in semantical differential questions to measure how individuals evaluate words and phrases. Psychologist Charles E. Osgood started this line of research in the 1950s, and people still use such studies today because they're sometimes viewed as less loaded or more meaningful than questions that pose more of a agree/disagree option. This latter style of question is the Likert scale, and you might see a question such as "Is this game challenging?", then you're asked to fill in a circle: strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, strongly disagree. By contrast, a semantical differential question might have a direction such as "Please rate this game", then confront you with something like "challenging ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ easy", giving you something to bounce off the word "challenging" rather than you considering it in a vacuum. More on Wikipedia...) from BoardGameGeek News | BoardGameGeek https://ift.tt/2SulQeH

[thefreshfinds]

Pen Soul: Jodie Jo’

There’s a story to be told and in Pen Soul Jodie Jo succeeds at doing so.

As quoted in the description on Soundcloud, "Jodie Jo' uses this double entendre to show that his soul is in his pen, or per-say, his writing. Everything comes from within, if looked at from a spiritual point of view, most would consider it God sent." He tells many stories from another's perspective in this 16 track LP, reeling out subconscious thoughts and pinned up emotion.

“The backstory of Pen Soul is just the experiences I've encountered in my day to day life.” says Jodie “The tracks on this project deal with a lot of internal issues that cause negative impact on relationships such as, holding grudges, miscommunication, judging, blaming, ignorance, and lack of leadership, but also it brings in the solutions to these issues that can be heard in various tracks, such as forgiveness, apologies, understanding, knowing self, vibrating higher, and finding purpose. So Pen Soul really derives from my soul, the things that I've struggled with, and how I overcame things, but I wrote the songs in a way where it's not telling my personal business, I paint scenarios of other people's lives and situations which can be related to, while giving a message that can't be heard unless dissected.“

Truly Pen Soul speaks on the problematics of our society, of Black America. It uses a range of beats that incorporate a jazz, nostalgic feel while taking you back to your roots.

Pen Soul starts off with Enter the Course (Intro) which gives us a sneak peek of what to expect next. Building up, the track starts off with a gun shot and then a British accented lady begins to speak as if she is giving a friend a word of advice. Afterwards, there is a bit of everything in the audio snippets from "Black Household" or "Church Sunday, Stripper Monday" to police sirens (to even some news documentations.) which adds a sweet touch to a transition.

The second track, Hard Heart (Part 1) drones into your ear sockets with a dash of ethereally, low drum kicks, saxophones, soft yet angelic singing and mellow back phrasing. He feeds the mind with a spoonful of knowledge about dealing with obstacles that life throws at you. Going even further, Jodie says that you shouldn’t let these same obstacles (like battle wounds) or past situations harden your heart. Life can flash before your eyes, so it’s best to just love with all you’ve got. Towards the end he speaks for the hurt by saying “How can I love someone who wants to do me wrong?” As a result, we begin to think of ways to get over those hurdles within ourselves and even though it can seem difficult, Jodie’s symphony makes it easier.

Black Household puts you at ease with its nostalgic yet soulful aura. In an instant the listener is able to understand what it’s like for those who live either with a single black household from the perspective of the mother and the kid. It really reflects on the deep emotion a mother must sacrifice in order to make ends meet but at the same time, she shouldn’t treat him the way she does because of stress and he seems to agree. Overall this track shows a strained yet loving relationship between a son and his mother.

Some shake it for the glory. Some for the gold. But in this women’s case, she does it for both. In the fourth track Church Sunday, Stripper Monday Jodie Jo’ is the narrator and he tells a brutally honest story about a woman who thinks she is rebuking her sins on the weekdays by going to church. His words are centered by an elevated production that has some passionate melodies, enticing saxophones and finger snapping snares. All in all the song gives off the feeling that it’s meant to: wise words and gospel thrown in with a pulsating tempo.

With the ongoing daunted tone from the piano chords, fast paced drums, cymbals, passionate saxophone and clickers to follow, Mama Drama (The Tale of The Good Baby Daddy) bangs in as the fifth track and tells a story about a mother who keeps a loving man away from his kids (which can be surprising to some because it is usually the other way around.) The production and words that Jodie choose to use are hard hitting. These two elements also wring out the right emotion from your heart, making it easy to feel the fathers pain.

Announced as the sixth track Feminine Myocardium to me, is a man's proclamation of love towards a woman who just doesn't show him ordinary love. The track is followed by reverse tape effects, minor saxophone blares and guitar chords, making the listen more sentimental and in turn, easy to recall past experiences with an old flame.

The seventh track Yeah Yeah, Sure Sure is about the mindset one is in during an argument but shows that love always outweighs the flaws seen in one another. Jodie's floetry in this piece can be characterized to Andre 3000’s due to the structure of syllables and grammatical phrasing that he decides to use. The production has the same reverse tape effect and blaring saxophone as the last but it also includes some warm, splashy piano chords and muffled drums.

"And they fight, and they fuss", thats what Jodie Jo paraphrases in the chorus of the eighth track called Ignorant Love. As it starts off with some deep twilight effects, the track raises the tempo with some light tamborine play, 808's and the same blaring saxophone. The message in the song is told by Jodie Jo who uses duality in his delivery and flows. To sum it up, the character in the story just wants all the fighting to end. It's taking a toll on the relationship that the lovers have.

As Ignorant Love fades out, the ninth track Aniyah's Melody is able to fabricate a cut of funk and soul. Backed up with melodious singing, spacey syntheziers and saxophones, Jodie Jo is able to spar out remorseful notations as the character to the woman that he loves.

The eleventh track Asthma & Pneumonia to me, sounds like The Way by Jill Scott except it's a little bit more slowed down and Jodie replaces the words "Is it the way.." with "Mama I can't breathe.." and adds "I got asthma & pneumonia" in as back chorus. As Jodie goes down the storyline about his asthma attack, Jodi tells us that we shouldn't take this life to granted. The lively saxophone and drums help from beginning to end, taking the track to a close and leaving some space for Puff, Pass to start.

The hardest to make for Jodie, Puff Pass wafts in as the twelvth track of the LP. As quoted by Jodie "It was one of the first tracks I started, but ended up being the last one I finished. Whenever I approached this track, my mind went blank. I didn't want to approach the song in a boring way, nor be too cliche with the topic about smoking.” Jodie’s smooth words are followed by some lighter flicks, spacious droning and low hitting drums. As a result the song transports the listener on a stimulating trip.

In the midst of Puff, Pass fading out, the thirteenth track Vibrate Rendition zooms in the perspective of another who has a sincere apology to those that he has been a “burden to”. Frankly, the character doesn’t want to cause pain anymore.. he just wants to make things right. The powerful words that Jodie uses are followed by some deep soul and sultry jazz to stress the endearment he feels. Jodi even takes us back to the Speakerboxx/TheLove Below days as he chants the excerpt from the song Vibrate in the middle to end!

A continuation of Hard Heart Pt 1, the fourteenth track called Hard Heart Pt 2 speaks from the perspective of others who let their anger or grudges get the best of them. This track is relatable to everyone because we’ve all had those people who have crossed us, but Jodie assures us that we just need to let it all go in order to live a prosperous life. Getting the point more across, the drums and piano also add a “rise and fall” effect to the storyline!

Second to last, the fifteenth Death & Fear takes an nostalgic approach. The drums and piano give the song a warm feeling and gives Jodie some free room to speak on all of the things he plans to accomplish.

Last but not least, Dreamville Audition II is just a scenario of how his audition could go once he meets Mr. Jermaine! I won’t give out too much detail but, I will say that this track bangs! It really captures Jodie’s versatility, solid bar structure multi floetry and powerful cadence.

To conclude, Pen Soul is one of many projects that really reflect the hard work that Jodie puts into his craft (you can even see where his inspirations root from: J.Cole & Andre 3000.) Jodie is here to make the world listen and be aware of what’s going on around them. Every time Jodie Jo raps, it is always different and he is constantly showing growth. All in all the lyrics and soulfulness hold weight on your mind but after you listen to the full collective.. expect to feel uplifted.

After all, Jodie Jo is the teacher and we are just the students.

LINK: https://soundcloud.com/jodieraps2/sets/pen-soul

By Natalee Gilbert

* Additional information about Pen Soul & more:

1. What are the steps that you took to create Pen Soul?

Jodie: The steps I took to make this album happen was first and foremost to pray before I worked on anything. From beats to lyrics, to brainstorming, to looking for inspiration. God plays a big part in my creativity and creations. After that, comes preparation, I make about 3 beats in a day and just get in the booth and freestyle over the beat. Usually I find a hook melody first before writing verses, if that sounds like album potential, I write a song to that beat and see what I get. Usually 2 or 3 days later it sounds wack to me and so, that's how tracks get denied. So pretty much I followed that process until I composed 16 tracks, that I felt were fitting for my intentions for the album.

2. In your opinion, what is the best album that was made in history?

Jodie: In my opinion, the best album made in history would have to be Songs in the Key of Life by Stevie Wonder, that being after Pen Soul of course.

3. What’s the difference between Pen Soul & Big Ups to Tha Homies?

Jodie: The difference between Pen Soul and Big Ups 2 Tha' Big Homie first and foremost would be the replay value, Pen Soul I believe has more songs that can be put on repeat while "BU2TBH" has songs that you'll play once and then come back later and be like "Oh yeah, this was my song". Next would be the soulful touch, Pen Soul is considered my only classic in my personal accumulation of projects. Pen Soul is diverse in the production, it has saxophones adding to it's spice, and it all together is greatly put together and much more thought out than BU2TBH.

4. Upcoming Songs:

Jodie: Keep a look out for around Christmas time, that's all I'm gonna say there.

5. What advice would you give to your younger self?

Jodie: If I could give my younger self advice I would tell me to talk to God, take life as it comes, truly develop a belief that anything is possible, don't stress about society's idea of success, count your blessings, and tell your parents, siblings, and loved ones about your love & appreciation for them more often.

6. Who do you admire in Underground Hip-Hop?

Jodie: I truly admire my homeboy Jodie Jo', because he's so consistent and true to himself and those around him. I think he has potential to be a legend amongst legends.

7. Advice to artists working on a project:

Jodie: It's okay to hate your work for a period of time. Get true feedback from people who aren't just pumping you up. Get inspired, try to talk about something nobody is talking about, or at least in a way that nobody else has. Be creative with your voice. Don't create songs based on other people's taste, create your taste and you'll attract people who have your taste. Get an ear for your voice, and your sound. Speak with clarity.

8. Words to the supporters:

Jodie: Y'all are real as ever, God has his hand upon out unit, I am appreciative of everyone that reaches out, everyone who shares, everyone who goes the extra mile. And I will never take the love given to me for granted. We are headed to the top y'all, Dreamville finna come sign ya boy! I'ma make y'all proud

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Accuracy in Media

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Big League Politics

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Daily Caller News Foundation

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Geller Report

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Hot Air

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Newsmax - America

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Sessions Open to Probe of Social Media Giants - 9/11/2018

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Newsmax - TheWire

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El Nino Event Is 70% Likely This Year, UN Says - 9/11/2018

Alex Trebek's Beard on 'Jeopardy!' Causes a Stir - 9/11/2018

Mac Miller Autopsy Performed, More Tests Needed in Rapper's Death - 9/11/2018

Lifelike Pediatric Robot Creeps Out Docs in Training - 9/11/2018

OAN Newsroom – One America News Network

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WATCH: Potential False-Flag Attack in Syria Could Trigger U.S. Military Strike - 9/11/2018

FAA: Pilots advised to exercise great caution while in Iranian airspace - 9/11/2018

3 Chicago teens shot near high school - 9/11/2018

WATCH: Remembering 9/11 - 9/11/2018

Politichicks.com

Michelle Owens of the Center for Prosecutor Integrity Discusses DOJ and Corruption in DC - 9/12/2018

Anni Cyrus: Nike’s Kaepernick ‘Just Do It’ Jihad - 9/12/2018

Reminder: Benghazi “Whistleblowers” Confirm Lies, Deceit, Cover-ups - 9/11/2018

When is Enough? When All Firearms Are Taken Away! - 9/11/2018

Six Years of Benghazi: The Comfort of Friends - 9/11/2018

Populist.TV

How did the #CIA React to the Events of September 11, 2001? | Guest: @JohnKiriakou - 9/11/2018

How did the #CIA React to the Events of September 11, 2001? | Guest: @JohnKiriakou` - 9/11/2018

Remembering September 11, 2001 & What it Means to be a Patriot | Guest: @skepticalvet - 9/11/2018

Headlines + What’s Your Best Trick for Separating Truth from Fiction??? Call-In NOW @ 202-521-1320!! - 9/11/2018

What is the Current Situation in #Syria? - 9/11/2018

Sara A. Carter

McConnell Suggests ‘Ethics Inquiry’ over Cory’s ‘Unusual Behavior’ - 9/7/2018

Trump Calls on Sessions to Investigate Anonymous NYT Op-Ed Author - 9/7/2018

Corey Booker’s Grandstanding Stunt Backfires - 9/6/2018

Lawmakers Call on Trump to Declassify Carter Page FISA - 9/6/2018

Meadows: Demands AG Sessions Investigate Bruce Ohr’s Role with FBI - 9/5/2018

The American Conservative

U.S. Again Cries ‘Chemical Warfare’ in Syria - 9/11/2018

Congress’ Deadline for Yemen Certification Has Arrived - 9/11/2018

The Communalist Mormons Mitt Romney Would Have Hated - 9/11/2018

Is ‘Universal Authorship’ Such a Good Thing? - 9/11/2018

Sweden: The Latest Nationalist Domino - 9/11/2018

The Black Sphere

Chuck Schumer Comes Unplugged and Unhinged - 9/9/2018

‘Bleeding Blue’ Film Examines the Dangers and Politics of Policing in America (VIDEO) - 9/6/2018

‘Bleeding Blue’ Film Examines the Dangers and Politics of Policing in America (VIDEO) - 9/6/2018

Nike’s Bad Publicity * VIDEO * - 9/5/2018

Tiger Woods Defends Trump, Blasted by ESPN ***VIDEO*** - 9/1/2018

The Daily Signal

The Daily Signal Podcast: ‘Gosnell’ Filmmaker Shares Why This Story Had to Be Told - Invalid Date

Brett Kavanaugh’s Opponents Aren’t Really Against Him. They’re Against the Constitution. - Invalid Date

Newly Disclosed Strzok-Page Texts Shed New Light on ‘Media Leak Strategy’ at FBI, Justice - Invalid Date

America Has Strayed From Founders’ Vision for Economic Freedom and Limited Government, Walter Williams Says - Invalid Date

Government for Hire? Emails Show ‘Climate Industry’ Funds Jobs in Offices of Governors, Attorneys General - Invalid Date

The Epoch Times

Hurricane Florence Approaches Carolinas as Wind Speeds Reach 150 MPH - 9/12/2018

East Coast Military Bases Brace for Hurricane Florence - 9/12/2018

New York Beats London to Top Financial Center Spot Amid Brexit Fears - 9/12/2018

Shen Yun Symphony Orchestra Receives Rousing Welcome at Taiwan Airport - 9/12/2018

UK Prime Minister Theresa May Could Face Leadership Challenge - 9/12/2018

The Federalist

Podcast: Democrats Push Single Payer, Republicans Push Paid Family Leave - 9/11/2018

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[britishdeepstate]

Key Figure behind Sharif Hussein Revolt: British Spy Lawrence

Key Figure behind Sharif Hussein Revolt: British Spy Lawrence

Despite the massive financial and logistic support of the British, the revolt failed to turn into a movement that represented the entire Arabic world and was rather limited to the participation of four to five thousand armed people. During the riot, one person played an especially key role by helping Mecca Sharif Hussein. He was a British intelligence service agent and an archeologist: Thomas Edward Lawrence. As a British deep state representative, Lawrence collaborated with the Mecca Sharif Hussein and one of his sons, Faisal, to organize the Hashemite Arab uprising against the Ottomans.

British author David Garnett, who wrote a biography of Lawrence, says that he was an arrogant person with a victim complex. According to Richard Aldington, Lawrence had ‘pretentious egotism’, was ‘faked, boastful’ and a ‘homosexual’. In other words, Lawrence displayed the typical characteristics of the British deep state members. ( Richard Aldington, Lawrence of Arabia a Biographical Enquiry, London: Collins, 1969, pp. 312, 331-332, 380)

At this point, it is important to remember that the British deep state takes care to choose homosexuals to do its bidding and especially for risky missions.

Born on August 16, 1888, in Tremadog, Wales as an illegitimate child, Lawrence began to take an interest in Arabs in 1909. Two years later he went to Tripoli for excavations, and began to live with the Arab tribes, dressing and acting like them. Despite his fascination with the Arabs, Lawrence harbored an immense hatred for the Turks. In a letter he sent to Ms. Reider in Oxford on April 5, 1913, he told of his dislike of them:

As for Turkey, down with the Turks! But I am afraid there is, not life, but stickiness in them yet. Their disappearance would mean a chance for the Arabs, who were at any rate once not incapable of good government. (T. E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom, 1922; Garnett, p. 15)

In another letter he sent to Ms. Reider on September 18, 1914, he voiced his thoughts on the prospect of Turks entering the war:

I have a horrible fear that the Turks do not intend to go to war, for it would be an improvement to have them reduced to Asia Minor, and put it into commission even there.(Geoffrey Miller, Straits, University of Hull Press, 1997, p. 303)

After WWI broke out, Lawrence was stationed at the British intelligence office in Cairo as a lieutenant in December 1914. He would interrogate the prisoners of war, draw maps, assess the intelligence reported by agents operating beyond the Turkish lines and build strategies with the input of the Arabs in a bid to destroy the Ottoman Empire.

He later took over the ‘Arab Bureau’ newly set up in Cairo. His unbridled Turkish hatred could not be contained and would show itself on many occasions, including in a letter he sent to his archeologist friend D. G. Hogarth on April 20, 1915:

Poor old Turkey is only hanging together. People always talk of splendid show she has made lately, but it really is too pitiful for words. Everything about her is very very sick…(T. E. Lawrence, “To D. H. Hogarth April 20, 1915”, The Collected Works of Lawrence of Arabia, 2015 )

After a short while, sent to Iraq on a secret mission by the British War Office, Lawrence re-emerged in April 1916 to help save the 13,000 British troops under General Townshend’s command, who were held under siege by the Turks at Kut Al Amara. Together with Colonel Beach and another British officer named Aubrey Herbert, he met the Turkish General Halil Pasha with the intention of offering him first £1 million hoping that Halil Pasha would release the British garrison. According to the plan, if he rejected, they would double the amount and offer £2 million instead. Halil Pasha, completely disgusted, not only flat out refused the offer, but also exposed their attempted bribery, humiliating them.

In the meantime, the representatives of the British deep state were deep in negotiations with the Sharif of Mecca, Hussein, for his riot against the Ottoman Empire. And Lawrence was trying his best to convince the Iraqi Arabs to join and cooperate with the British army, promising Shia leaders the caliphate. He failed.

After Sharif Hussein started the revolt, Lawrence went to Arabia in October of the same year, this time as a captain. There he met Abdullah, Ali and Zaid, the sons of Sharif Hussein, and Faisal, whom he would later greatly help in his ascension to throne in 1921 in Iraq. Together with other British officers, he helped supply weapons and money to the revolt, which was in its initial stages, and also gathered together and organized the rioting tribes and staged attacks on pre-determined targets.

After joining the forces of Faisal as a communication officer, Lawrence continued his spying activities and participated in the actual fighting against the Turks. With hit-and-run tactics, he inflicted damages on Ottoman units and supply lines and captured Aqaba Port, which won him a medal and the title of lieutenant colonel. He staged attacks on Hejaz railway. Hundreds of Ottoman soldiers were martyred in the ever-intensifying attacks, and the British won the battle. Lawrence didn’t refrain from revealing his twisted state of mind as he boasted about his success:

And we were casting them by thousands into the fire to the worst of deaths, not to win the war but that the corn and rice and oil of Mesopotamia might be ours. The only need was to defeat our enemies (Turkey among them), and this was at last done in the wisdom of Allenby with less than four hundred killed, by turning to our uses the hands of the oppressed in Turkey. I am proudest of my thirty fights in that I did not have any of our own blood shed. All our subject provinces to me were not worth one dead Englishman.( T. E. Lawrence, “Introductory Chapter”, Seven Pillars of Wisdom, 1922)

Lawrence was the principal driving force behind the Arab revolt against the Turks, and he would also admit that his duty was based on hypocrisy and deceit:

My people have probably told you that the job is to foment an Arab rebellion against Turkey, and for that I have to try and hide my frankish exterior, and be as little out of the Arab picture as I can. So it’s a kind of foreign stage, on which one plays day and night, in fancy dress, in a strange language…(SOURCE)

In the attack staged against the 4th Ottoman Army in September 1918, Lawrence ordered his men to not take any prisoners. As a result, upon the orders of Lawrence, 5,000 Ottoman soldiers were beheaded in a shocking massacre. By the end of the same year, together with his entourage of murderers, he entered and terrorized Damascus.

In October 1918, Lawrence set out for Britain, before which he would write the following lines to Major R. H. Scott on October 4:

We were an odd, small group but I believe we changed the course of history in the Middle East. (Toby Thacker, British Culture and the First World War: Experience, Representation and Memory, Bloomsbury Academic, p. 222)

In the preface of his Seven Pillars of Wisdom, Lawrence explains how the British deep state, with him as their representative, deceived Arabs with false promises so that they would be convinced to riot against the Turks:

The [British] Cabinet raised the Arabs to fight for us by definite promises of self-government afterwards. Arabs believe in persons, not in institutions. They saw in me a free agent of the British Government, and demanded from me an endorsement of its written promises. So I had to join the conspiracy, and, for what my word was worth, assured the men of their reward… It was evident from the beginning that if we won the war these promises would be dead paper, and had I been an honest adviser of the Arabs I would have advised them to go home and not risk their lives fighting for such stuff: but I salved myself with the hope… I risked the fraud, on my conviction that Arab help was necessary to our cheap and speedy victory in the East, and that better we win and break our word than lose.(T. E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom, London: Manning Pike and H. J. Hodgson, 1926)

Emir Faisal, the son of Sharif Hussein, who started the riot against the Ottomans and shed Muslim blood, eventually saw through this deceit when he saw that none of the promises given to him were kept and belatedly said:

I’m not going to be able to face the Muslim world. I asked them to fight the Caliph, and to sacrifice. But now I see that the European countries, whose purposes we served, are dividing the Arab countries.(Foreign Intrusion in Ottoman Riots, How An Empire Was Dismembered)

The Sharif Hussein-Faisal-Lawrence alliance inflicted one of the greatest damages to the Islamic world. The policy of making Muslims fight each other first started with this alliance and now represents the pivotal point of the British deep state’s carefully engineered plans. This example shows the presence of hypocrites that have always existed in Muslim communities. These people fall for the lies of the British deep state and do not refrain from betraying their own countries for petty gains. The British deep state will be a risk for the Islamic world only when it uses hypocrites. For this reason and for the sake of the Islamic world, it is vital that Muslims are extremely careful and wary of the hypocrites that fall for the satanic games and ploys of the British deep state.

Key Figure behind Sharif Hussein Revolt: British Spy Lawrence BritishDeepState.net