#once every few months or so I try to see if I find something I like

[ashwhowrites]

Prompt angst 1 with Robin where reader hangs out less and less with Robin and when confronted it’s because she likes her but can’t compete with Vickie

What’s the point of trying if it just proves that I’ll never be good enough?

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

I hate her

Y/N tried her best to not fall for Robin's pretty face and clumsy personality. They were meant to be friends and nothing more, but Robin made her heart race and palms sweaty. But it didn't matter how Robin made her feel, she wasn't the one Robin wanted.

Robin had a crush on Vickie for over three months and it was silently killing Y/N. She was a good friend so she listened to Robin declare her love for Vickie all day every day. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad if she was honest about how she felt. There was a time before Vickie, when Robin and Y/N were dancing over the friend line. A slight tease of what could be and Y/N basked in it until the light went out.

Now it was all Vickie. Robin didn't even spare a second glance at Y/N anymore. Vickie seemed to offer something better and Y/N couldn't help but feel replaced. She felt as if her efforts weren't good enough and it stung. Whatever Robin wanted from Vickie, Y/N could easily do. She felt like a kid begging for attention, doing anything to get Robin to look her way.

Y/N felt tired of trying. She was tired of how upset she felt whenever Robin turned to Vickie instead. Y/N was the original but Robin didn't seem to care. Y/N knew she deserved someone better and someone who made her feel first.

She began to spend less time with Robin, letting her heart heal. She didn't want their friendship to end but she needed space. At first, it seemed like Robin didn't notice and that made Y/N feel even worse. It hurt to see Robin focus all her attention on someone that wasn't her. The jealousy wasn't firey, it was more cold. She wasn't jealous in the way she wanted to show Vickie who Robin belonged to, it was the painful jealousy that kept her up at night and made her think less of herself.

As the days passed, Y/N barely saw Robin. Which is what she wanted but it proved that she only saw Robin when she initiated it. Robin didn't bother to make time to see her, which made her think the friendship might not be worth saving.

~~~

Robin swallowed her tears as she saw Vickie press her lips against a guy. They seemed familiar with each other, almost like they were a couple. Robin had this hope that Vickie was gay but she was wrong.

Steve placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, knowing how crushing the moment was for Robin. But Robin shoved his hand off and ran out of the store. She allowed herself to cry once she made it outside, the reality that she and Vickie would never be settling in.

~

Y/N was surprised to see Robin at her door but welcomed her in.

"What are you doing here?" Y/N asked, and her question sent Robin into a breakdown. Robin sobbed, making Y/N's heartbreak. She quickly wrapped her arms around her, trying to calm her down. "What's wrong?"

Robin pulled away to collect herself, wiping off her face. "Vickie has a boyfriend," she said in between tears. Y/N fought back the want to roll her eyes. She was unsuccessful in holding back her scoff though, easily catching Robin's attention.

"What?"

"I haven't seen you in days and you finally come but it's because you want comfort because of Vickie!" Y/N exclaimed, annoyance clear in her voice.

"I need my friend! Which you haven't been for the past few days," Robin bit back, her blue eyes squinting into a glare. Y/N laughed humorlessly, she crossed her arms and created more space between them.

"And yet you never cared enough to ask so seems like we are both shitty friends," Y/N snapped, a sharp smile on her face.

"What is your problem? What's with the sudden cold shoulder?" Robin asked she wanted her friend but she couldn't find her. "All I wanted was some comfort after my heart was shattered and you don't seem to give a shit."

"Because I don't, Robin!" Y/N snapped, her voice slightly rising. "I don't care about Vickie and I don't care about your love for her. I never cared and I never will. I hate Vickie. I hate the way she makes me feel and I hate how much you feel for her."

"What is that supposed to mean? How can you hate her when you've never had a conversation with her?"

"It doesn't matter," Y/N shrugged. "Maybe you should go."

But Robin stayed put. "No, we are going to talk. You are done avoiding me. I don't know what your problem is with Vickie but she doesn't deserve your cold treatment."

"What’s the point of trying if it just proves that I’ll never be good enough?. What is the point of telling you how much I'm in love with you when you'll never look my way? My problem with her is that you love her, Robin. And you don't love me." Y/N admitted, tears falling down her face as she looked at the floor.

Robin was stunned. She never once thought her best friend was in love with her. Hell, she didn't even know she was into girls. Robin swallowed her spit as she felt her throat get dry.

"I-um-I" Robin stuttered, truly at a loss for words. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

Y/N bit down on the inside of her cheek, trying to keep more sobs back. "Can you just tell me if there's a chance for us?"

Robin looked into her wet eyes, watching the tears disappear down her chin. She watched as Y/N chewed on her cheek, trying to stand strong but it was clear to tell she was falling apart.

"No," Robin whispered, her heart aching as Y/N turned away from her. She reached out but Y/N flinched away.

"Please leave"

"Y/N, can we please talk through this," Robin pleaded. She didn't want to lose a friend. Y/N shook her head, still not turning around as a few cries left her mouth.

"No, Robin. No amount of talking will make this work. I can't be your friend, it's too hard," she sobbed.

"So that's it? We just walk away and never talk again? That's not fair!" Robin fought.

Y/N turned around a defeated look on her face. "I don't care. I need to be done."

Robin scoffed, she couldn't believe Y/N was going to throw away their friendship over something Robin couldn't control. Y/N was determined, and she wasn't going to change her mind.

"Fine, have a nice life," Robin spat as she walked out the door. Y/N closed her eyes as the door slammed, the sound ringing in her ears.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. It was going to be hell getting over her but it was possible. And she knew she'd be okay in the end.

[admirationandromantics]

Going overboard, 1: Memento Mori

Okay, so first the prologue, and now the first chapter. As I've said before, not all chapters include a Josh-interactions because of accuracy to the game, so you'll just have to live with it. If you haven't read the Prologue, go to my profile, then the masterlist, Josh Washington. You'll find it there. Get ready for tomorrow!

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Chapter 1: Memento Mori

After what happened up on the mountain last year, Josh didn’t stay in touch. At first we all tried to talk to him, help him, but we gave up one after another. He talked with Sam a lot. I think she did the most she could until he cut contact. I didn’t want to put too much on him, and we all were in grief as well, so it probably was the best solution. 

Sam and I had regular coffees. It helped us both. We shared stories about them, and she told me about everything which happened that night. The prank wasn’t about me, nor Josh. Not even Beth, but she still had to suffer the consequences. Poor Beth, and poor Hannah. We all knew she had a thing for Mike, but setting her up like that was not okay. I now despised them all, Jessica, Emily, Mike, Matt, Ashley. Matt was such a sweet guy, I couldn’t imagine him standing there with a camera, recording everything. For me though, Ashley hurt the most. I loved her, I truly did, but I cut contact quickly after I got to know about the evening. She sent me a bunch of texts, begging me to talk to her. She was sorry, she was drunk, caught up in the moment, and everyone was doing it so she felt like she had to. She never knew that the aftermath would be as bloody as it did. I still didn’t text her back. 

A month before the anniversary of their disappearance, Sam got a video message from Josh. He invited her up to the cabin again, stating that this would be a way to honour their memory, and relive the experience, but with a good ending. There would be booze, partying and just making new memories. Based on the video, it seemed like he asked everyone in the old group. Everyone except me. I felt hurt. Betrayed in a way. I was one of the few he talked to, cried to. Our relationship didn’t evolve after the event, but I was still there for him, trying to comfort him. Sam told me that I should come with her, but I declined. If he didn’t want me there, it was okay. She couldn’t understand why, but she kept being insistent, urging me to give it a chance. I didn’t have to be there the whole time, and if I wanted to, I could leave the very next day since the bus went through the area once every day. 

It would be good to talk to Josh, maybe even if he didn’t want to. I was selfish, I knew that, but I had to see him. I wanted to see how he was doing, how he was feeling. This also made me think of Chris. He would probably be there, and I hadn’t kept in touch with him either. I felt bad, but at the same time, we weren’t that close. I knew that he still hung out with Ashley sometimes, and maybe that made me a bit afraid. Maybe she would try to contact me through him? Maybe I wasn’t just selfish. Ashley also needed to talk. Talk to me, clear the air. I would let her. I finally agreed to come with Sam up to the cabin. 

***

The bus is empty, except for Sam and I of course. She didn’t pack much, and I didn’t either. I figured that I wouldn’t stay long. I just needed to talk to people, get some weights off my shoulders. The radio is playing, and no surprise, it’s about Beth and Hannah. I hold my composure, trying not to cry. The trip is long, and I end up sleeping on her shoulder for a good amount of it. Sam is watching something on her phone, but I don’t peek. I simply look out the window. There is an eerie feeling to these mountains. I felt the same last year, but this time it feels stronger. The black trees are covered in snow, untouched by animals. 

Finally we reach our stop. The sign says “Blackwood Pines” and hadn’t it been for last year's events, I would still love the name. Being here for the first time felt magical, straight out of Narnia, joining a winter wonderland of mystery. Now, I feel nervous. The air isn’t as fresh, the ground not as hard and the snow was too white. Instead of smelling winter, I smell something musk, like a dead animal or rotten meat. I look over at Sam, and I think she notices too. 

We start walking in silence, through the gate and up the trail. As we walk, she stops. 

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” I whisper, getting anxious. Maybe it’s a wild animal, a wolf or a bear. 

“Hello!?” Sam shouts, and my eyes widen. Why would she do that, what if the animal looks at us as a threat now. I look around, expecting something to pop out, but it’s silent. 

“Sorry, I probably just thought I heard something,” she says, continuing walking. She notices my tenseness. 

“Are you okay?”

“No, absolutely not” I state, looking around again. 

“Hey I get it, this is weird, but we’re doing this for Josh right,” she starts, taking my hand, stopping me. 

“I hate to say it, but you need to relax. Nothing bad is going to happen, and people are just being friendly”

“I know, I know. I just can’t shake off this feeling that there’s something here”

“It’s because of last year. We’re all still thinking about it, so we know how you’re feeling”

I look up at her. She’s right, I’m not alone in this, and we’ve both been there for each other the whole year. 

“Yeah, thanks for the talk. It’s just… well, weird”

“It is, but I think this is good for you. This trip could be a way for you to let go, get some closure. They both would’ve wanted that for you” she says, before pulling me into a hug. I breathe, and some of the tension lifts. Thank God I still have Sam. When we pull away she looks at me, smiling. I smile back, before looking behind her. My mouth opens, eyes widen and my breath hitches. I grab her hand, holding hard. 

“S-Sam, c-c-careful. Stand s-s-till,” I whisper. She holds her breath while searching my face for answers. 

“Boo!” I shout, punching her with both my hands. She screeches, jumps and I feel her pulse in her hand. 

“Got you” I laugh, while she’s still trying to compose herself. 

“Fucking asshole” she says. I can’t stop laughing. 

“You know, you’re going to ‘wolf wolf’ me.”

“I can live with that” I continue laughing, before starting to walk again, her following after. 

“I’m joking, that was out of line, sorry” I say after a while. 

“At least you got to see my ‘frozen’ face”

“Yeah that’s why I laughed” 

We reach the gate, and a piece of paper is pinned on the lock. 

“The gate’s busted, climb over -Chris” 

“I guess we have to climb,” I state, looking at the gate. There are big spikes on the top of the gate, so I look over at the side. It’s a stone wall. 

“Right up my alley” Sam says enthusiastically. Of course it is. 

“I’ll give you a lift first if you take my bag” she says, already taking off her bag. 

“Fine, just don’t throw me over with those strong climber-arms of yours” I reply, taking her bag and making my way to the wall. She puts out her hands and I grab somewhere safe on the wall. She helps me get up, and I jump down the other side, looking up, waiting for her. 

“Gosh, the stones are cold” she complains, finally getting to the top. 

“Should’ve worn gloves” I smile, showing off my red-covered hands in a theatrical manner. She laughs before hopping down. I give her backpack back, and we continue up. 

When we finally arrive at the cable car station, the place seems empty. I see a couple of cars in the parking lot, but don’t want to check who they belong to. One of them must be Josh’s. I walk up to the bench, noticing a backpack and a ringing phone. My curiosity is immense, but I don’t touch it. Sam notices who’s bag it is. 

“Hey Chris!” she yells, looking around for him. 

“Hey guys” he answers, and we both turn around. He seems older, more harsh than the year before, but I don’t comment on it. 

“How are you ladies?”

“Well, as you can expect” Sam answers, still smiling. I smile as well, keeping the mood light. I don’t notice how much I’ve missed him before seeing him now. Something in me breaks a little. 

“Oh, so, I found something kind of amazing”

“What?”

“I’m not gonna tell you got to see for yourself” he smiles, grabbing his backpack and leading us around the house. We get to the other side where we’re met with a shooting range. Barrels and bottles stacked for hitting, as well as bags hanging from the trees. 

“Ta-da! Pretty rad right?” Chris exclaims, loving this a bit too much. Sam forces a smile, guns are not a source of happiness for a pacifist. 

“A gun range on the bottom of a ski lodge” I comment. “How… nordic?”

Chris picks up a gun before looking at me. 

“Well, have you met Josh’s dad?”

“Yeah”

“Then we shouldn’t be surprised” he says before turning and aiming the gun. I hold my breath, not comfortable with this funny clumsy guy holding a death-weapon. He shoots the bags and one of the cans. I’m kind of impressed. 

“Nice shootin Tex” Sam teases, not impressed. I guess it would take something better than shooting to impress her. She fakes an annoyed look before turning my way. 

“Wanna try?”

“You know what, sure. It’s been a while” I say before taking the gun from him, taking off my backpack and laying it beside me. 

“You’ve done this before?”

“Josh has taken me shooting several times, not hunting though, luckily” I smile, remembering how close we felt the first time he showed me how to use it. 

“I bet that’s not the only thing you two have done” he comments, a smirk on his lips. 

“Haha, funny guy” I tease back. Sam holds her laughter. I shoot a couple of bags, stopping when a squirrel jumps on one of the barrels. 

“I guess that’s our sign to start going to the lodge,” I say, leaving the gun and grabbing my bag. 

“Jeez, I wish Josh would take me shooting,” Chris says, and I smile. 

The cable car is coming, and Sam makes her way over there. I use the opportunity to grab ahold of him. 

“Hey Chris, about this year-” I start, but he holds a finger up, signalling for me to stop. 

“I get it, if I were in your shoes I would’ve done the same”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s weird being back, but I’ve been wanting to clear up everything. We should keep in contact, even though you don’t want to talk to Ashley, I understand”

“When did you become such an understanding gentleman,” I tease, punching his arm and start walking. He lifts his arms in the air. 

“Haven’t I always been?” And I laugh at him. 

We all get in the cable car, and it starts moving up. Chris starts talking about how he and Josh met, and I pay close attention. I’ve only heard this story from Josh, and I love getting the different story-perspectives. 

***

We arrive at the top, I stand and try to open the door. It will not open. 

“Uh, guys, I can’t get the door open.” Chris tries, but can’t manage either. His response is to smack the window. 

“Ahh, what the hell!” I hear someone say. Jessica. I compose myself. 

“Jess! Over here, open the door!” Chris shouts. I see her through the window, and I bite my lips from having to look put together. Don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like you have anything against this piece of scum. I keep chanting in my head. 

She opens the door, and we all thank her. As we walk out, Chris starts whining. 

“Oh my god. I thought we were goners. Another ten minutes in there and I would’ve chewed off my own leg.”

“Aw, sick Chris,” Sam comments. 

“Look, I’ve got a lot of meat on my bones. This is all muscle down there.”

Sam rolls her eyes. “Yeah riiiiiight”

“Keep telling yourself that Chris,” I add, clapping him on the shoulder as I walk past him. He lowers his voice to a whisper. 

“Well, we all know who’s bone you want to jump…”

I turn around, mouth agape and eyes threatening. He immediately puts his hands up in defence, walking backwards two paces. 

“Just jokes, just jokes” says, voice cracking. 

“Dickhead”

“Notice how I’m not going to make another joke about that,” he answers. I quickly make a snowball and throw it at him, hitting his chest. Sam places herself between us, arms tense as if waiting for someone to attack. 

Chris uses this opportunity to snatch whatever Jess is holding. 

“Well, well, well… What do we have here?”

“Chris” Sam starts. He opens it, a surprised look on his face. 

“My goodness! Seems like someone has a crush on our good friend and dear class president Michael Munroe.” Shit. That’s not good. 

“Chris,” I threaten. 

“And what kind of sizzling erotica might our Jessica be capable of imagining, I wonder…”

Before he’s able to see more, Jess quickly snatches the item back. 

“If you must know-” she starts.

“Mike and I are together now.” We all look at each other. 

“Drama,” Chris answers. 

“No, pretty cut clean actually. Em’s out, I’m in,” she explains. I look over at Sam. She doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, Chris breaks the awkwardness. 

“Well, we should keep going” 

“You go, I’ll be waiting here for a bit”

“Waiting for Mike?”

“Just go”

We oblige, walking further and leaving her behind. The trail is quite big and visible. It’s comfortable to walk on. As we turn a corner, I see the cabin. The cabin where Josh is, where Ashley is probably waiting. The cabin which was the last place two of our best friends were seen alive one year ago.