#once again i am making myself sick to my stomach thinking about this so i’m stopping now.

[eye-of-yelough]

does electroshock therapy exist in bg3. because either way Gortash is the one who invents it.

[chunghasweetie]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐍’ 𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 | J.JK

— pairing | fem!oc x husband!jjk

— summary | jungkook’s been working non stop and you’re finally sick of repeating yourself (healthy argument)

— warning | bad writing (i’m doing my best) medium angst, workaholic jk, makeup sex, mentions of breeding kink, unprotected sex

— word count | 2.8k words

— song suggestion | thinking about you — ariana grande

He knew he messed up. Big time.

It was very late at night. Damn near 2am.

Jungkook had just barely arrived home to a silent house. He walked into his twin babies room, noticing that both baby Hiro and baby Liyah were already asleep for the night.

He hadn’t seen them in days.

He was working like crazy recently, going into work when he really didn’t need to.

He ran his own car line and was always on top of it when it came to work. The last month he had hardly ever been home long enough to interact with his family.

His wife knew what she was getting into when she married him. She knew his company was important to him and she completely understood.

But recently things had been different lately. He was missing doctors appointments, events, and simply quality time with her and their babies.

The twins were around 7 months old and were definitely a handful for his wife. She could handle everything on her own but it wasn’t always easy.

She needed him.

Tonight he really messed up.

He opened his room door, seeing his wife on her phone. He had promised her that he’d get off early to attend a family gathering but he chose to work again.

He knew she was greatly upset. “Hey baby” He announced his presence, cracking their door open behind him.

“Hey.” She replied dryly, not looking up from her phone.

She was beyond pissed and he could instantly sense it.

Jungkook walked over to her side of the bed, sitting down beside her. He knew she was upset with him, and he couldn't blame her.

"Y/n,I'm sorry. I really am." His voice was low, sincere, and full of regret. “I just got caught up baby.”

She didn’t say anything, simply rolling her eyes.

Jungkook's heart sank as he saw her roll her eyes. He knew he hurt her, and it was killing him inside.

He reached out and gently took her phone, setting it aside on the nightstand. "Baby, please look at me. I really am sorry."

“It’s fine, Jungkook.” The irritation was visible on her face. He’s been working all day and night and she needed him around.

She hardly ever seen him. He promised her he would go with her and he still didn’t go. She was hurting.

Jungkook felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he saw the hurt and disappointment in her eyes.

"Baby, I know it's not fine. I messed up. I promised you that I would go to the party with you, and I didn't show up." He admitted.

“You know how fucking embarrassing it was?” She looked at him.

“I looked like a hot mess today Jungkook and everyone felt sooo bad for me and I felt so humiliated” She continued.

Jungkook's heart ached as he saw the pain and embarrassment in her eyes.

He took her hand in his, his thumb gently tracing circles on the back of her hand. "I'm so sorry, baby. I should have been there with you. It must have been awful for you."

“Yeah you fucking should’ve.” She rolled her eyes once more. “You begged me for a fucking baby and I gave you twins and you can’t even show up for them. I’ve been doing everything myself.”

Jungkook's heart sank as he heard her words, a knot forming in his stomach. "I know, baby. I'm sorry. I never meant for you to feel like you’re on your own."

He pulled her into a tight hug, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I’m so sorry gorgeous.”

“Jungkook we’ve had this conversation so many times.” She shook her head “You’re a fucking workaholic.”

He knew she was right. There was no denying he was putting work over his family. He knew he had to make a change.

Jungkook sighed as he felt her frustration and disappointment. He couldn't believe he had let things get this bad between them.

"You're right, Y/n. I've been a workaholic, not giving you the attention you deserve." He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.

“It’s not even me it’s your kids you need to be there for. I know they’re babies and they won’t remember but they still need you Jungkook. I need you.” She sniffed, obviously stressed and fighting tears.

“You missed it, earlier at the function Hiro was trying to crawl.” She then broke down, letting her tears fall. “And you missed it.”

“Fuck.” Jungkook listened to her, realizing the true extent of the damage he had caused. He felt guiltier than ever.

"I know, Y/n. I've been selfish, thinking only about work, neglecting my children and my beautiful wife." He sighed. “You shouldn’t have to suffer on your own.”

“I just want change. I-I just don’t know what else to do.” She sighed. “Both twins were crying and needy. E-Everyone was doubting me like I couldn’t take care of my own kids.”

Jungkook's heart ached as he heard the pain in her voice. He couldn't bear the thought of her feeling alone in this, feeling like she wasn't doing enough.

He reached out and gently took her hand. "Listen to me, Y/n," he said softly, "You are the perfect mother. You are capable and strong and loving.”

He continued, “I was wrong to leave it all on you and I promise that I will change. I will be there for our children, I will support you in every way possible. And to those who doubt you, let them eat shit."

She cried more at his words, hardly able to compose herself. Jungkook's heart swelled with love at the sight of her emotion.

He pulled her into a tight embrace and whispered soothing words into her ear. "Shh, it's okay, mama. I'm here for you now, always. I will never let you down again."

“Please mean it this time.” She hiccuped.

Jungkook cupped her face gently and locked eyes with her.

"I have never been more serious about anything in my life. I love you and our children more than words can express. I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to make things right and earn your trust back."

Jungkook's heart ached at the sight of her tears.

He pulled her into a kiss, caressing her back gently. "It's okay, mama. I understand. I'm here for you now. What do you need me to do to make you feel better? I’ll drop everything immediately for us baby.”

“Can you just stay home tomorrow? Spend time with the babies— That’s all I want.”

Jungkook smiled softly at her and held her closely, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Of course beautiful. I will stay home tomorrow. I will be here for you all day, just like you deserve. I love you." He then kissed her forehead.

“I’ll stay home with you tomorrow, the next day, next week, next month. Shit, I’ll stay home with you until they’re in preschool.” He told her, making her eyes widen.

He knew he needed to do this. Her crying and confronting him gave him the wake up call he really needed. She didn’t deserve anything he was going to her and the kids didn’t deserve it either.

He wanted a baby so bad and he was fortunate enough to have his wife give him

two. He was taking that all for granted and

he knew that now.

“I love you too.” She wiped her eyes.

Jungkook's eyes shone with love and devotion as he looked at her. "I am so lucky to have a wife like you, mama. You are my everything."

He gently wiped away the remaining tears and hugged her tighter, feeling his heart swell with love for her.

“I’m luckier. I know I complain and I bitch at you a lot but I do really love you.” She told him, pecking his lips.

Jungkook's heart fluttered at her affectionate peck on his lips.

He smiled, feeling grateful for her. "You are amazing, mama. And I know we have our moments, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

Jungkook chuckled and deepened their kiss, feeling his love for her grow even more.

He kissed her passionately, savoring the taste of her lips and feeling his heart race with excitement. "I would do anything for you, Y/n. You’re my world.”

Jungkook smiled against her lips, feeling his heart swell with happiness. He deepened their kiss even further, his hands roaming over her body possessively. "You make me complete, mama. You are my weakness."

“Am I?” She giggled against his lips.

Jungkook couldn't help but chuckle at her teasing tone. He nodded and nuzzled his nose against hers.

"Yes, you are. You have me wrapped around your finger, and you know it." He gave her lips another kiss.

He couldn't get enough of her, couldn't stop himself from kissing her. "Mama, you make me so happy." He whispered the words against her lips, before pulling back slightly to look at her. “You’re so pretty.”

“Thank you babe” She blushed.

"I wanna make this up to you" He leaned down to kiss her neck, making her giggle and squirm in his arms.

She let him kiss all over her neck, loving how much attention he gave her.

He moved his lips from her neck to her lips, kiss immediately turned hot in seconds.

She made out with him on their bed, giving wet sloppy kisses.

Jungkook groaned as she started to kiss him, his arms tightening around her as he returned the kiss.

He couldn't get enough of her, couldn't stop himself from deepening the kiss. "Fuck mama..."

The two hadn’t got into it in some time. He had been working and she was always occupied with something else.

Now with built up emotions, it was just the time to ease up with one another.

Jungkook pulled back slightly, looking at her with a heated gaze. "You are so fucking beautiful."

He leaned in to kiss her again, before pulling back and standing up from the bed. "Wanna have you now. Gotta show my woman some

love.”

“You’re gonna make it up to me like this?” She bit her lips

“You want it don’t you?” Jungkook smiled into the kiss, his hands reaching for her silky pajama shirt. He tugged it up over her head, revealing her lacy red bra.

"You are so fucking hot, Y/n." He whispered against her lips, before leaning in to capture her lips in a deep, passionate kiss once more.

“I know. You have a hot wife who still tries to look good for you.” She smirked against his lips.

Jungkook chuckled, his hands reaching for the clasp of her bra. "And I’m beyond grateful. She’s the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Getting impatient baby.” She licked her lips, eyeing him.

Jungkook groaned at her words, his hands reaching for the button of his pants. "You have no idea how much I want you, mama."

He murmured, before pulling down his pants and boxers, revealing his hard cock. "I'm going to do you so good baby.”

“Better not disappoint me.” She replied jokingly.

Jungkook chuckled, leaning in to kiss her again. "I would never disappoint you and you know that.." He whispered, before guiding himself inside of her.

The couple both gasped as he slipped himself inside.

“Oh fuck” He looked down. “Missed this so much. To think I was missing this for work.”

“Fucking finally. Needed this.” She cursed, still taking him in. She was desperate for him.

Jungkook groaned at her words, thrusting deeper into her. "You feel so fucking good, mama." He growled, his hands gripping onto her hips as he moved in and out of her. “So fucking tight.”

“You could’ve been had this.” She hummed, “That’s your fault.”

"I'm sorry, mama. I know I've been working a lot lately." He whispered, kissing her neck. "But you're all I think about when I'm gone. I promise.”

“You sure? Prove it then.” She cocked her eyebrow.

Jungkook smirked, going harder into her, showing her just how much he loves and desires her.

"You think I'm not capable?" He growled in her ear before kissing her hard as he continued his thrusting. "You're the only thing on my mind."

Jungkook slammed into her, making her mouths shoot open in surprise at his new brute force.

"I'll take care of you real good." He promised, only after a few more hard slams into her. "So fucking beautiful. All mine.”

“Shit you feel good.” She whimpered, trying not to make too much noise. “Fuck that’s it.”

Jungkook smirked at her. "I know it does, mama." He whispered, his lips barely leaving her ear as he continued to thrust into her. "That's right. Take it baby.”

“So good— Missed this dick so much” She confessed.

Jungkook's eyes roll back as a moan of pure pleasure leaves his mouth. "Fuck, mama." He breathed out through clenched teeth.

"I missed this pussy, more than anything." He said, before picking up the pace, making their skin slapping louder and louder.

“My woman” He mumbled into her ear. “My wife. The mother of my kids. Rely on me more. Please.”

He continued. “Gonna fucking take years off work all for us. Gonna make more babies with you. Should I fuck another one into you tonight? Hm?”

She was beyond heated, unable to say anything but simply nod.

Jungkook chuckles as she admits what he already knows. "That’s it pretty girl" He groaned, slamming into her even harder at the revelation. "I haven't felt you like this in so long, I was fucking dying without you, Y/!.”

“You should’ve stayed home with me more— fuck.” She moaned quietly, “Only using my fingers was killing me”

Jungkook's thrust became wilder at her words, it's been so long since he heard her moan his name like this. "Fuck, mama. I will, I swear. I'll stay home with you every fucking night, no more having to do everything yourself.”

Jungkook leaned down, trailing kisses along her neck, then whispering against her lips.

She returned the energy. She made out with him roughly, taking her frustration out on him and letting it all go.

Jungkook deepened the kiss, pulling her closer and letting her release her frustrations.

His hand reached down, gripping her ass and pulling her even closer as he thrusts harder into her, grunting into her mouth. "Love it when you fuck me back, just like this."

“Can’t help it.” She fluttered his mouth with open mouthed kisses, whining.

Jungkook growls at the sound of her whine, his thrusts becoming more erratic as he gets closer to his release. "Fuck, I love it when you're like this. So fucking needy and eager for me."

“Been needing this dick for months now” She groaned into his mouth.

Jungkook smirks against her lips, his hand reaching up and gripping her throat gently. "I know, mama. I made you wait and I’ll never do that shit again. You deserve this shit every morning and every night."

“Better fucking mean that shit too.”

Jungkook chuckles, leaning down and sucking on her neck, biting down and leaving a bruise. "All to myself. I’m so lucky.”

Jungkook thrusts into her harder, losing his rhythm as he approaches his release. "Fuck, yeah, that's it. Come for me, mama. Show me how much you love my dick."

“Shit” She curses, “Fuck mm so close Jungkook.” She gripped on his hair roughly before finally reaching her high and cumming.

Jungkook groans and thrusts a few more times before he finally reaches his climax, filling her up with his hot seed, gripping her hips tightly.

"Fuck, Y/n. You got me going to make me fucking crazy with that tight pussy for years now.” He panted, trying to catch his breath.

“You look pretty with that afterglow.” Jungkook chuckles and kisses her forehead before standing up and grabbing a warm washcloth to clean her up.

“Such a gentleman.” She blushed.

"You're always so fucking cute, baby. I love it." He says, smiling warmly at her before helping her sit up and cleaning her down there.

“Thank you baby.” She caught her breath.

“Although you made it up to me right now, I really want you to spend more time with me and the babies.” She exhaled. “They’re only this age once.”

Jungkook nods, setting the washcloth aside before crawling back into bed and pulling her into his arms.

"You're right, mama. I'll make sure to spend more time with you and the babies." He says, kissing the top of her head. “I’ll be around 24/7 now baby. You never have to worry about me again.”

“Okay baby.” She pecked his lips, “I love you.”

Jungkook smiles and pecks her back before wrapping his arms around her. "I love you too, mama."

[stardew-bajablast]

if you haven’t at least tried sewing or crocheting or knitting your own clothes, you really should. even if it’s just one time and you never do it again, i really think everyone should do it at least once

learning how to crochet was what finally made me grasp the abject horror of the fast fashion industry and realize just how laborious and time consuming it is. i have to take a few days off a week so my back/wrists don’t get sore — and i get to do this as a leisure activity in the comfort of my own home, rather than in a sweatshop. it takes dozens of hours to produce a single item. there is just something about trying it yourself that makes you realize just how little the people making our clothes are being paid for retailers to be able to sell clothes at such obscenely low prices.

i understood in the abstract that people were earning literal slave wages to make my clothes, but that concept wasn’t real to me in a way i could understand until i spent 14 hours making something that i myself wouldn’t have even been willing to pay more than $10-20 for if i saw it in a store.

i have not bought any new clothes since learning how to crochet. every time i see clothes at a store (especially obviously handmade items like crochet), and i look at the price tag i feel genuinely sick to my stomach.

i’m not saying everyone needs to make their own clothes in order to be against fast fashion, but what i am saying is if hearing about the conditions and wages secondhand has not been enough to make you stop buying it, if you find yourself becoming desensitized to the suffering of the people who make your things, you should try making something yourself.

you need to see firsthand how physically and mentally demanding it can be and imagine how much worse it would be if you were forced to sit in a sweatshop for 16 hours a day doing it nonstop, earning pennies an hour to do so. you need to spend weeks laboring over something only for it to turn out looking like shit so you realize just how much wisdom and technical skill goes into these supposedly “unskilled” and undervalued jobs. if the abstract concept isn’t enough to get through to you, then you need to get hands on.

[propertyofwhitney67]

May I get a short fic of PC breaking up with Whitney because they are tired of how they are treated by him? Maybe some make-up soft sex so Whitney can prove they know how to treat them well?

My Weakness

M! Whitney x AFAB! Reader

Words: 656

Tw: smut, smoking, Whitney trying to be soft

Note: I'm not sure how to feel about this one and I hope it isn't shit

Smoke from Whitney’s cigarette swirled around me, I did my best to wave the smoke away while I thought hard about what I wanted to say. I’m sick and tired of how he treats me, I still love him...but I can’t take this anymore.

Gathering up the courage I turned to face Whitney. He raised a brow as I began to speak, “I can’t do this anymore.” I took a deep breath, breathing in smoke in the process. “I can’t stand how you treat me. I’m not just some object you can abuse.”

His face darkened and his grip tightened around his cigarette, almost snapping it in half. “You’re breaking up with me, huh?” He was letting his anger take over, “You really think you can leave me?”

I nodded my head, trying to stay strong. “I do and I am.”

Whitney took a deep breath, grabbing my arm to keep me from leaving. “What do you want me to do?” There was pain in his eyes, but he was hiding it well. 

“What?” I asked confused, trying to free myself from his tight grip but it was no use. His grip was too strong. 

He tossed his cigarette aside and grabbed my other arm, keeping me in place. “I said, what do you want me to do.” He loosened his grip, not enough for me to free myself but it was no longer painful. “I want to show you you’re not…that you’re not just some slut that I can fuck with whenever I want.” He didn’t need to say anymore, I already knew what he meant. I was his slut. 

He began to drag me behind him, forcing me to go with him. “What are you doing? Where are you taking me?” I asked angrily, despite how scared I was. Was this gonna be some kinda last show of power over me? Was he going to hurt me? He only told me to shut up and keep walking.

I was even more confused when we ended up at his house. He dragged me to his room and tossed me onto the bed. “You want me to show you love?” He asked rhetorically and began to undress. I sat up, watching him. I couldn’t find the words to say anything but I felt like I too had to undress.

Something felt different as Whitney hovered over me and stared at me with what seemed to be love in his eyes. He seemed softer despite his previous action, “Don’t do anything stupid.” He grumbled and began to kiss my neck. 

I sighed softly as he kissed my neck and gently gripped my hip. I tried to stay strong, I really did, but he’s always been my weakness. “Whitney…” I trailed off but he shushed me, kissing a trail down my neck and to my stomach. 

“Let me show you how much I care.” He whispered, spreading my legs and lining his cock up with my tight hole. “Let me make you feel good.” He kissed me as he slowly thrusted into my cunt.

I moaned softly into the kiss, his cock stretching me out perfectly. He set an unusually slow pace, for once not chasing his own orgasm and putting me first. The whole time I've known him, he’s been rough, not caring about my feelings. So why was he doing this, why now when I tried to leave him?

Whitney easily pulled multiple orgasms from me, leaving me breathless. “Whitney…” I trailed off again, “Why are you doing this?” He’s been all over the place and I wanted to know.

He sighed, pulling me onto his chest and lighting a cigarette. “To show you I’m not always an asshole.” He rubbed small circles on my hips, “That I care about your dumbass.”

My resolve fully broke at his confession. I’ll never be able to leave him, and I can make peace with that. “Thank you…” 

𝘔𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

𝘒𝘰-𝘍𝘪

[seenoversundown]

For Death or Glory : Chapter Twenty-Two

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: Fluff (like sick to your stomach sweet), Sexual language, Insinuated sex (off page- sorry) 'Captain' is used, vague piratey verbiage, mentions of grief/friend who has passed away, Anxious Themes, unfortunate phone calls, the mean internal monologue makes their appearance, and vague description of a panic/anxiety attack.

Word count: 5k.

Summary: Charlotte get's to have a night with the laid-ease and ends up receiving a message that she probably should have expected.

Author's Note: Well folks, I've been humming and hawing over this chapter all week and to be so honest, I am probably feeling the same way as you. (Let's pretend you're reading this after the fact 😅) I don't have much else to say other than, we're all in this together. 🥺

Honey - Boy Pablo "Baby, you are really something else, 'Cause I don't think I've smiled like this before, When I spend my time with you it tends to stop."

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Waking up before him was a rare thing; the man never sleeps. So, lying here next to him as he’s still sound asleep is a treat. Moving the loose strands of hair out of his face, it’s hard not to stare at him. He’s so beautiful. His eyelashes against his cheeks, the perfect little slope of his nose, and the way I just want to kiss the tip of it every chance I get. His lips, the way they pout when he’s asleep, I’m obsessed with them usually, but good god, they look even better now. 

Resisting the urge to kiss him, I settle for just lightly running my thumb over his cheekbone for a minute. I could watch him sleep forever. I lightly traced my finger down the bridge of his nose. Letting my hand run over his cheek again before settling on holding his jaw. My thumb barely grazed his top lip; something about his cupid's bow will always be my favorite. He gently kisses my thumb before his arm pulls me closer to him, slotting my leg between his and scooting my head over to his pillow, our faces a breath apart. He plants a kiss on my forehead, wrapping his arms around me in a hug; his whole body is warm, keeping me tucked into him. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” I tell him, muffled since I’m trapped inside his arms. 

He lets out a long breath, “Not the worst way to be woken up,” his morning voice sends a little shock through my system. The rasp in his voice when he’s freshly awake is so sexy.  

“Remember when you said we should quit our jobs?” I ask, laughing as the question comes out. Listening to his giggle as his chest vibrates against me. 

He tilts to look at me, “Oh, now you’re on board?” 

“It’s never too early for pirate references, huh?” 

“Never.” 

Leaning in, finally getting to kiss that cute little pout of his. I can’t help myself when I whisper, “Well then, can I get you some coffee, Captain?” 

Once I was able to get away from him, approximately forty-seven “one more” kisses later, I started the coffee pot for us. Pulling out another mug and making sure it’s clean since I’m the only one who’s been here in a while. I stand there staring at it as the coffee slowly trickles into the pot. 

His arms slide around my waist, tucking his face into my neck as he hugs me. He’s such a gentle boy, a type of affection I’m certainly not used to. His muffled little voice told me, “Didn’t want to wait for you to come back.” 

My heart swells at his words, holding onto his arms as he sways us slightly. 

“Your parents aren’t just going to walk in, right?” He asks, still muffled. 

I giggle at the thought, “No, babe, you’re safe.” 

“I don’t think they would wanna see my half-naked ass in their kitchen.” His sweet laugh is in my ear, knowing he’s absolutely just in his boxers. 

“That would be a first impression for sure,” I tell him. 

We slowly made our way into the living room with our coffee. I drape a throw blanket over him to keep him warm, which really is a bummer for me. I could stare at him all day long, selfishly. 

“Quinn asked if I wanted to go over for a little bit,” I tell him. “I guess Mel and Iris are going to be there too.” 

He quietly asks, “Are you gonna go?”

“It sounds fun.”

“Oh good,” he says, leaning over and leaving a kiss on my cheek. “I’m glad you’ve found friends in all of them.” 

I glance over at him, letting out a quiet, “Me too.”

“I know it’ll never be the same as Cass,” he says, his hand sliding into mine. “But they’re all really good people, and I’m glad you have more people to lean on.” 

Jacob, oh my god. 

“I’ll cry if you keep talking,” I force a small laugh to try and stop the way my throat just tightened up on me. 

His thumb rubs along mine, “I’m just happy for you.” 

“Jacob, seriously,” I laugh, looking up at the ceiling to try and force the tears back in. He only makes it worse, pulling my hand up and kissing the back of it. The smirk that grew on his face was devious; I could feel it. 

He leans back over to me, kissing my cheek a few times and whispering, “You’re so beautiful, honey.”

“Jacob,”

“What?” 

“What are you trying to do?” 

“I'm just being nice to you!”

My eyebrows pull together as I stare at him. He’s fighting a laugh, so I know there’s something floating around in his head. I mumble, “That smirk is telling me otherwise.”

The laugh that came out when he threw his head back. I wish I could have that on a twenty-four-hour loop; I love seeing him so happy. 

“I don’t wanna say it,” his face goes red as he looks at me. 

“Ohhh,” I coo, squishing his face with my hand. “Now you have to tell me.” 

His eyes look between mine and my lips for a moment before he finally whispers, “Just like hearing you say stuff, I don’t know.” 

“That’s all?”

“Well,” he clears his throat before rambling out, “I just um—“

I raise my eyebrows, quietly asking, “What is it?”

“I like knowing I can make you yell my name,” his sweet face is still red, like he doesn’t whisper foul things to me during sex. 

“Mmm,” I hum. Deciding just to tease him a bit, “You’re good at it too.” Sliding my hand up his thigh as I look at him. 

“Char, you’re playing with fire,” his voice low. 

I lean in closer to him, “I don’t have to clock in yet.” 

“Well, in that case—“ he giggles, wrapping his arms around me as he falls back onto the couch, pulling me on top of him.

I can’t stop the small yelp that sneaks out, “Jacob!” 

He flashes me a smile that would have my knees giving out, pulling my face in for a kiss before mumbling into me, “I know you can be louder than that, honey.”  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Spending my mornings with him has quickly become one of my favorite things. I just get to sit with him while we both try to wake up and listen to him tell me things that he needs to get done before opening the bar– which, for most people, probably sounds incredibly dull, but even just hearing his voice is refreshing. 

Though we don’t always end up in compromising positions, we do tend to fall into them. I can’t lie; it’s usually me starting it. But when he’s just walking around like that, how am I supposed to keep it together?

He spent a few hours with me before he needed to leave, and every time we leave each other, we get increasingly more dramatic about it, to the degree of me lingering outside his car, trying to give him at least ten more kisses before he left. I honestly don’t know what’s come over me. 

Nevertheless, the drive to Quinn’s apartment feels reminiscent of when I would drive to Cass. The closer I get, the more I start to recognize, which is nice and simultaneously weird. They may have been almost neighbors at this rate. The weather this time of year makes for many empty trees, and if there’s no snow on the ground, it’s just a bit sad. 

Once I find where their apartment is and confirm that I’m not parked in someone’s spot, I find my way to their door and knock a few times. 

“It’s unlocked!” I can hear Quinn yell through the door. So I let myself in, sliding my shoes off so I don’t track dirt everywhere. Finding them in the kitchen, pulling something out of the oven.

“I’m so glad you decided to come over!” They giggle, dropping their oven mitts onto the counter and prancing over to hug me. “Mel should be here soon, too.”

“It’s been a minute since I had any semblance of a ‘girl’s’ night,” Making sure to toss some air quotes in there. “It’ll be nice to just laugh with you guys for a bit.” 

Mel showed up not too long after me, having Iris say hi to Willa and me before letting her cling to Quinn. It’s really adorable how much she loves them. The three of us find ourselves on the couch, just catching up about work.

“Do you like working at the bar, or is it terrible?” Willa asks her, looking over at me for a second. 

Mel laughs at her question, “Oh, it’s not terrible. It’ll be nice once Jake realizes that I do know what I’m doing.”

“He does hover quite a bit, doesn’t he?” I chime in, giggling because I’ve called him out for it a few times. 

Mel’s laugh fills the room before spitting out, “Like a helicopter mom!” 

We all fall into a fit of giggles at her comment, which is undeniably true.  

“Since we’re on the topic–” Quinn’s eyebrows pop up a few times when they ask. “So.. what are the updates with our friendly pirate?”

“What do you wanna know?” I giggle quietly. 

Mel quickly shouted, “ANYTHING.”

“We just need to know if things are progressing!” Willa chimed in right after. 

“Well.. we did basically go on a date,” I tell him shyly. “We just kind of didn’t acknowledge that it was a date.”

The instant squeal from everyone made me laugh. It’s cute how excited they are over it. 

Willa can’t hold it in anymore, “DETAILS GIRL!”

“I made him dress up with me a little,” I started. “And then we got dinner, and we went to a different bar afterward, and both of us got a little drunk..”

“What?!” They all yell at the same time. 

I laugh, asking, “What?”

“Jake almost never drinks- let alone gets drunk,” Quinn tells me. 

Mel reaches over, grabs my arm, and asks, “Is he still wild?”

“Oh- he was so goofy and giggly,” I can feel my face heating up as I talk about him. “Also, he was so, so, sweet. I don’t think he went more than a minute without making some sort of contact with me.”

Quinn let out a quiet,  “Oh, my heart.”

“He also started singing to me and made me dance with him.” 

“EW,” Willa yelps. 

I hide my face in my hands, mumbling, “I know.”

“How do you feel about him?” Quinn asks timidly. 

That really is the question, isn’t it? I can feel them all staring at me, waiting for my response. 

“Uh, I don’t know,” I say nervously, knowing they won’t buy it. 

Mel quickly piped up, “Don’t lie! We won’t say anything, don’t worry.”

“I mean.. He’s just.. He’s so nice and caring and..”

“And?” Willa’s eyebrow shoots up. 

I let out a laugh while admitting, “God, he’s so hot.”

“Tell me to shove it if this is too much but.. Have you considered just.. Actually dating him?”

I haven’t really thought about it, but being able to call him mine makes my heart feel weird. 

“Well, um”

“What’s making you doubt it?”

“Or what’s holding you back? Maybe that’s a better way to say it”

My job. Living up north. The fact that I’m scared that this is a fluke because I met him when I was so sad. But I can’t tell them that.. 

“I guess I don’t really know,” I lie. 

Quinn asks, “Have you guys like.. talked about that before?”

“No, we kind of just got into this situation and then left it at that.”

“Well, how did that conversation go?” Willa follows up. 

I sigh, “Naturally, he said whatever I'm comfortable with, so… everything is up to me.”

“Are you worried that he won’t be into it?” Mel asks quietly. 

“Honestly, no, not really. The way he treats me and talks to me tells me that he would be willing to work with whatever.” 

Quinn finally belts out, “LOTTIE— JUST TAKE THE CHANCE.”

But what if I don’t feel like I deserve him? I lied to be able to hang out here longer than I needed to. I’ve inconvenienced him for the last couple of weeks and probably stressed him out by never telling him his paperwork was good to go.  

“Yeah, girl,” Mel starts, “I would just maybe try to slip it into a conversation with him at some point. You’ll literally have the sweetest boyfriend on the planet; what’s there to lose?”

Him.

I hesitate,  “Um.”  I swallow hard, looking down and not knowing what to say. 

Quinn says, “Okay, okay, we can stop, but just.. perhaps think about it?” 

“Yeah, a different note,“ Willa starts, “I have this shoot coming up.”

Thankful that Quinn segued the attention off of me, but now my brain is all over the place. I don’t even know how to begin having that conversation with him. I quietly nod my head, listening to Willa explain the shoot that she has. I know I live only a couple of hours away, but would that make him not want to actually date?  I can’t imagine him giving this up that easily.. Feeling Iris tap my leg, I look down to see her precious little face. I pull her up to sit on my lap, and she leans into me. 

“Oh, how sweet,” Mel coos at the sight of it. 

I glance down, smiling at her, quietly laughing, “I’m glad she’s comfortable.”

“Must be something about you that she likes,” she tells me. Well, if my heart didn’t hurt already, now it does. I was watching her play with the bracelet I had on, thoroughly distracting me for a few minutes. 

“So, Lottie, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

Forcing myself back to reality, “I have to go back up North and hang out with my parents and sister, unfortunately.” 

“Oh! I forget you don’t just live down here.”

Yeah, me too, apparently. 

“What are you guys doing?” 

“We’re,” Quinn starts. “Going with the boys to their parents’ Airbnb. It’s going to be interesting  since it’ll be the first holiday with everyone.”

I can see Jake’s face in my mind, the way he looked so sad that he would be the only one there alone. 

“It’s already overwhelming just being around the three of them, and from what I’ve gathered, their mom is basically the same as Josh.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” 

“Quinn, you don’t have to suck up to him.. He’s not here.” 

“I’m not! I’m just going to have a positive mindset about it. I’m sure she’s great.” 

They bicker like an old married couple. 

Mel finally chimed in, “I’ve met them, and they’re wonderful, but yes, Josh is a carbon copy of her, so Willa strap in.” 

I wonder who Jake is more like. 

“I think Danny and I are going to hang out with my Dad for a bit, but then probably make it over to the Kiszka’s because he’s basically part of their family,” Mel tells us. “Plus, it’ll be nice to see them and let Iris meet them since I spent a good amount of time around their house before they moved.”

“Oh, that sounds so fun,” I let out. 

Willa adds, “It’s too bad you won’t be there with us.” 

“Well! Are you going to come by the bar Wednesday night?” Quinn asks. “I think everyone will be there at some point.” 

“Oh, yeah, I figured I’d at least stop in before I head up North.” 

Quinn was excited right away, “Yay! Okay, good! We can all have a drink together before you go!” 

“I’m sure Jake will be happy to see you before you disappear for the weekend, too,” Mel slips in.  

I know, I’m dreading it. 

“We already agreed to bug each other all day since I’ll be bored at home, and he’s the only single one going to Thanksgiving,” I tell them, though it feels like I should have maybe held that in. 

Willa’s face contorted as she said, “Ugh, you two are so cute already; it’s disgusting.” 

“Stooop,” I laugh quietly. 

“I know we said we’d stop talking about it,” Quinn says. “But you guys are honestly precious together.” 

I know it’s probably going to cause a scene, but I ask, “Have you seen the pictures we took in Salem?”

“THE WHAT?” Willa about screamed. 

I bark out a laugh at her reaction, “Hold on, I’ll show you.” 

I slide my phone out from under my leg, swiping through to get to the photos and then handing it over to them to look through. The sounds alone had me laughing, but the way they would all gasp when Willa would swipe to the next photo. 

“Look at how he’s looking at you, oh my GOD.”

“Charlotte– WHY DIDN’T YOU SHOW US THESE SOONER??”

Willa flips the phone around to see the photo of us looking at each other. “GIRL.” 

“What?!” I can feel the heat in my face. 

She turned the phone back to herself, zooming in and then turning it back to me. She zoomed in a little on Jake’s face, his smile, full-on teeth smile, as he looked at me. 

“Be so for real, Charlotte,” she says, letting out a laugh. 

Mel’s eyes flit between my phone and my stare, “Girl, that man l–  adores you.” 

 He WHAT? There’s no way. I mean, I definitely have a crush on him. Maybe a little more than a crush. Okay, I don’t know how much I actually like him. 

“Oh, you both look so happy,” Quinn’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. 

Willa hands my phone back to me, and Iris is still sitting on my lap. She sees the photo before I lock it. 

She points at it, looking at Mel and signing something to her. 

Mel signs back, speaking under her breath as she does, ‘Yes, baby, that’s Uncle Jake.’

You have to be kidding me.  I swipe through the photos as she beams at them, giggling at him for a moment before she looks over at Quinn and starts to climb off my lap. 

We all sat around chatting about whatever came to mind for a while. My phone lights up, looking at it, fuck, and it’s my boss. I look over at Quinn, pointing at the call and then nodding towards the door and quickly hustling outside, dreading the call preemptively. 

“Hello,” I answer, trying to sound confident. 

“Charlotte, we gotta chat,” he says matter-of-factly. 

I know I have to sound terrified when I finally say, “Okay.”

“I have been trying to stay flexible with you,” he starts. “But considering your lack of response the past few days, I’m going to be very real with you.” 

I try to interject, “I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy and forgot to reply-” 

“I’m sure you have been, but,” he says, unfortunately, he isn’t willing to hear me out. “You need to be in the office again on Monday. Otherwise, we’re going to have a problem.”

I start to add, “But I–” 

He cuts me off, “No, you’ve had enough time. If that bar is struggling so badly, fixing it is not your job. Your job right now is to show up Monday morning.”  

I stare at the ground silently, fighting the urge to cry.

“You still there?” he asks. I wish I weren’t. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” 

He sighs, “I really don’t want to see you get let go, Charlotte.”

“Wait.. I would be fired?” the panic lacing my voice is unmistakable.  

He hesitates to respond but finally replies, “I’m not going to say for sure, but I can’t say that some of the other higher-ups are thrilled with this situation right now.” 

“Oh… Um okay. I’ll be there Monday,” I let out, my voice timid.  

“Wonderful. Have a great weekend and happy Thanksgiving.” 

I quietly say, “Yeah, you too.”  

I swallow hard as I hang up, locking my phone and staring at the ground. My mind is already racing with conflicting thoughts. 

Well, shit. 

Now, isn’t this the consequence of your own actions?  

But.. Jacob. 

Your job is more important, Charlotte. 

How do I tell him? I don’t think I can just let go of him. 

Well, you’re going to have to; you can’t just throw your career away. 

Maybe he wouldn’t care that I can only visit over the weekend.. 

Literally, you told him friends with benefits; this is your own fault. 

I can’t end it with him. I’ll break his heart. I can’t do that. 

You should have considered that when you decided getting laid was more important.  

I didn’t plan to fall for him. You don’t choose that. 

You chose to fuck with your job and his feelings.  

I just wanted to be happy. 

The thought sits in my mind; he makes me happy. Haunting me, I never anticipated it. Cass, what am I supposed to do? I found him, but I think I messed up. My throat starts to tighten. No, I can’t cry right now. Feeling the sting in my eyes, I look straight down at the ground, blinking the tears out. My breathing picks up as I stand here, trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do. I can’t do this right now. Taking a deep breath, I wipe my eyes carefully. 

“You just need to get through the rest of tonight,” I whisper. 

I slip back into the apartment, sliding my phone into my pocket as I grab my drink from the counter, looking over at Quinn.  

“Lottie… what’s wrong?” Quinn whispers to me.  Shit. 

“What do you mean?”

“Your eyes look like you were crying, babe..” 

I lie, “Oh, it’s just chilly out, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? Did we say too much?” They ask, grabbing my arm gently. 

I choke out a laugh, “No, no, I’m okay, I promise!” Forcing a smile before continuing, “The cold air just got me good, I guess.” 

“As long as you’re sure,” they look at me a little concerned but squeeze my arm a few times, padding back off to play with Iris. 

I sit on the couch, sipping on my drink. My phone vibrates against me, and I want to ignore it so badly, but I don’t. 

Jacob: i know youre at quinns but im bored without you 

Me: Miss me already? 

Jacob:  i may 

Maybe they’re all .. right? 

Me: I miss you too baby 

Maybe he is what I need.. 

Charlotte.. 

I’ll figure it out. I don’t want to lose him. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Once it was close to Iris’ bedtime, I took Mel’s lead and decided to head home. I start the drive, not even realizing the music isn’t playing through my speakers because I haven’t stopped talking to myself in my head. 

I can’t let him go. I haven’t felt like this before, and I don’t want to ruin it. The visual of him pulling me into his arms in his office plays in my mind. The quiet ‘oh honey’ that came out of him, basically choosing the pet name for me at that moment. He kept me in his arms until I was ready to be done. He does everything right. 

The look in his eyes when he watches me talk—the way he always reaches for my hand when we’ve done things. Something about him just draws me in, and I can’t figure out what it is. The pet name he chose, ‘Honey,’ feels so personal as if he only uses it for me. He always wants to pay for things or bring me places without hesitating. Maybe I do want more with him. My eyes fill with tears over the thought of him, oh, my precious boy. 

I pull my phone out once I’m parked and see his name already sitting on my lock screen. 

Jacob: i know youre driving but

Jacob: i hope you had fun with everyone. let me know when you make it home 🖤

I wipe my eyes before replying. How is he like this? He can’t be real. 

Me: I did! I just got home 🥰

Jacob: good :) i’m glad you had a good day 

I wish it were a little better. I pace my kitchen, and my hands shake as I try to think of what to say to him. It would probably be better if I just told him the truth. You should have started with the truth. I didn’t know I’d like him this much. 

I looked back down at my phone, staring at our messages. His little contact photo is sitting at the top, one of the pictures we took in Salem together; his smile was so genuine, and he looked so happy.  

Me: me too. How’s the bar tonight? 

Jacob: honestly, it’s not very busy so i’ll probably head up soon. Tomorrow will be hectic enough lol 

Oh my god. The bar’s anniversary is Wednesday. My heart starts to race as I remember that. I can’t tell him tomorrow. He’s already going to be busy, and I don’t want to do that. Then, the anniversary day. And then the holiday weekend and then I’ll be.. I’ll be back home and–

The anxiety coursing through my body as I try to figure out how to untangle this mess I created. I don’t think he’ll be mad, right? He said whatever I’m comfortable with, and maybe we can figure something out. What if he doesn’t want to deal with that?  

A new wave of panic sets in. What if he doesn’t..? No, there’s no way. The thought of him just calling it quits on everything because I don’t live close makes my chest ache. I feel like I know him better than that.. He would be sad, but I think he would tough it out.. Right? Questioning everything I think, every option starts to make me second-guess myself. 

I finally just stopped. Standing in the middle of my kitchen, it hits me all at once. My ears feel hot, and pain starts to form behind my eyes. I swear I can feel the blood coursing through my veins. I slowly squat down, setting my phone on the floor before dropping my face into my hands. 

“What did I do?” I whisper, my throat feeling tight as it comes out. I feel the tears start to sneak out, fuck. Finally sobbing out, “Cass, why aren’t you here?” 

I can’t hold back the sounds that come out after. I need her to tell me what to do or talk me off a ledge—something because I don’t know how to handle this anymore. I fully sit on the floor, feeling incredibly pathetic as I loudly cry into the quiet of my house. I can hear Jake’s voice in my head telling me to breathe; he’s always so good at handling things like this. 

After a few minutes, I picked up my phone and saw another notification from him.

Jacob: i think i’m sneaking out of here in like 10 mins and then i’m gonna shower but i’ll be free after that 

Jacob: if you want company 

Wiping my face, I stand up, grab my keys, and let the front door slam behind me. Sitting in the driver’s seat, I turn my music up loud this time; anything that’ll drown out the noise in my head. I focus entirely on the road until I reach a red light, looking at my phone quickly to see if he’s sent anything else. The thirty-minute drive felt like nothing. 

Me: are you out of the shower now?

I send him as I walk up the stairs to the apartment.  

Jacob: mhm literally just got dressed 

I knock on his door a few times, sliding my phone into my bag. The door creaks when he opens it, and his eyes widen when he sees me. He’s standing there in just his sweats, his hair still soaking wet from the shower, and just seeing him makes my heart slow down a little. 

“Hi,” I chirp out. 

He looks all over my face, “Is everything okay?” No. Everything is actually really terrible right now. 

“Just—” I hesitate. Don’t say it, just lie. Now is your chance to come clean, Charlotte. I know I should, but I–  “I found something of hers at the house, and I…” 

He grabs my hand, tugs me inside, shuts the door behind us, and pulls me into a hug. 

“I’m sorry, honey,” he whispers; the sound of my pet name makes me want to crawl into him. “Do you need anything?” 

I shake my head, tucking my face into him. Tears prick my eyes when I whisper back, “Just you.” 

“Well, you’re in luck then,” he tells me, kissing the side of my head. “I’m all yours.” 

God, I hope you still say that once I tell you everything. 

He tugs me along, bringing me to his room and grabbing a comfy sweatshirt from his closet before we crawl into bed. 

Quickly curling myself up into him, and let my face rest against his skin. The smell of his cologne is almost calming; he always smells warm, like cinnamon. Which feels fitting for him; he’s such a warm person, so comforting. 

It stayed quiet for a while, and we enjoyed each other’s presence as he ran his hand through my hair, and I traced shapes around the freckle on his stomach. 

He finally breaks the silence when he asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Yes, but also no. 

“No, it’s okay,” I tell him, glancing up at him. “Just not being alone is nice.” 

He tilts his head slightly, resting his lips against my forehead, pressing a kiss into me, and then mumbling, “Whatever helps hun.”

My throat tightens, and I try to take a deep breath subtly.  Just feeling his lips against my skin, his little breaths, and how he’s holding me, my heart starts to race again. 

I can’t lose him. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Three

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[againstme]

idk man i’m just thinking about against me! and transness, especially cause we’re coming up on ten fucking years of transgender dysphoria blues, on the 21st.

lyrics have been swimming in my head lately.

“what god doesnt give to you, you’ve got to go and get for yourself.”

“if i could’ve chosen, i would’ve been born a woman. my mother once told me she would’ve named me laura. i’d grow up to be strong and beautiful like her.”

“you wouldn’t think something like gender identity would complicate something like asking for some company.”

“she spent the last few years of her life running from the boy she used to be.”

“standing naked in front of that hotel bathroom mirror, in her dysphoria’s reflection, she still saw her mother’s son.”

“agitated states of amazement, never quite the woman that she wanted to be.”

“you want them to see you like they see every other girl, they just see a faggot, they hold their breath not to catch the sick.”

“chipped nail polish and a barbed wire dress. is your mother proud of your eyelashes? silicone chest, and collagen lips. how would you even recognize me?”

“no more troubled sleep, there’s a brave new world that’s raging inside of me.”

“all my life, wishing i was one of them. there will always be a difference between me and you.”

“what’s the best end you can hope for? pity fucks and table scraps?”

“all the young graves filled, don’t the best all burn out so bright and so fast?”

“sometimes at night, i pray to wake a different person in a different place.”

“i don’t want to hang around the graveyard, waiting for something dead to come back. i know you think you’ve got one up on me, that you can see something i can’t.”

“i wanna be so real, you can see the difference.”

“dig up your bones, early graves are not homes.”

“come on, shape shift with me! what’ve you got to lose? fuck it!”

“confessing childhood secrets of dressing up in women’s clothes, compulsions you never knew the reasons to.”

“i’m sick of feeling like i’m losing my mind. sick of doing the same things most nights after night. sick of self loathing and self absorption, self destructive narcissism.”

some of these are directly referencing transness, some just alluding to it. some are just ones that i relate to as i’ve grown up struggling with my gender and sexuality and accepting my own transness and dealing with self harm and self destruction and relying too much on drugs.

finding myself buying baggies of coke and just stuffing them in my wallet while i walked downtown, feeling this immense guilt at the bottom of my stomach for essentially just wasting 25 dollars on a drug that wasn’t doing much for me besides making me feel like i was feeling something different than what my life was. getting scared shitless while in the line at the convenience store after picking up, seeing cops come into the store, and the small tied up bag filled with what was more baby powder than coke in my back pocket felt like the the heaviest and most obvious thing in the world.

and then i’d find myself on calls with my friends, with my camera turned off or pointing at the ceiling, suddenly muting my mic holding a cut up piece of a straw in my teeth as i crushed shit up with my library card from a city i wasn’t planning on living in again. just having them talk while i was racking baby lines, tilting my head back and rubbing it on my gums after. i was sniffling all the time. sometimes my nose would bleed when i would wake up. and i wasn’t even really feeling much; i didn’t know at the time that this would be because of having adhd and just basically spending money on overpriced shit that was just like taking an adderall, but it was a drug in front of me, that gave me the idea or the false hope of running away from my life during the short lived high.

“before you know it, here i am again, fucking 6 o’clock in the morning, rolled up dollar bill in my hand.”

“what the fuck are you cutting this with, anyway?”

“how low can you go before you can’t turn around?”

i don’t think that when i was 14 and getting into against me! that i would ever actually get to a point of fully relating to those lyrics. of running away from such a huge part of yourself or your problems, trying to fill the void with drugs that you’d plow through so quickly, faster than you thought you would every time.

the thing is, was that at this point, i had already started my transition. i was already “passing.” but i never got to the root of it. sure, i’m trans, but who am i? and i didn’t know how to answer that question. so i just pushed it away, pushed it under the rug.

“you can pray all night and day, but you’ll still wake up the same person in the same fucking place.”

against me! has been there for me for ten years. throughout so many transformations of myself, so much shape shifting, so much dysphoria, so many late nights wishing i was a different person in a different place.

i found solace in their lyrics. it gave me some small bit of hope, some realization that i didn’t know that i needed; that trans people always have been and always will be here, that being able to be trans and be alive is possible, and that i don’t have to be digging my own grave, spending late nights staring at the mirror and seeing the girl who i used to be.

against me! gave me the courage to be alive.

[cutiecorner]

Can We Fix It?

fic • caregiver J'onn J'onzz, regressor John Stewart

still on my John kick. Might write more for these two!

John was feeling under the weather. He hated to admit it, but he was. He was stubborn when it came to taking breaks from hero work - but this flu had progressed to the point he could barely stand. He laid face down on his bed, groaning through the tight pain in his stomach. His groan melted into a whine as his stomach rolled. Ugh, not this again, he found himself thinking. This flu would not make him regress, he promised himself that. Though, when he reached for the water bottle on his night stand, it spilled. He hated messes. This day just went from bad to worse. 

He took a deep breath and prepared himself to roll out of bed, preferably into a standing position. That didn’t happen though, as when he rolled over he rolled clean off the bed, into the puddle of water. John’s face twisted into a pout and he hit the ground with his fist. Ugh! Now he was all wet too? How was he gonna change his shirt if he couldn’t even get up? It was all too much. He hit the ground more and more. His mom’s voice rang through his head, John Marshall Stewart, you better fix your attitude. He stopped his flailing. His mom. He wanted his mom so bad, and the way he was acting? His mom would probably be disappointed. He covered his face with his hands, trying to hide the tears from an imaginary audience. He hated regression. Hate, hate, hated it!

“John?”

A rumbling voice cut through John’s loud thoughts.

“J’onn?’ He replied.

Said martian was hovering right above him, looking worried at his spot on the floor. Everything’s fine, John thought, act casual.

“H-hey man,” John’s voice cracked. Seriously? 

“Are you alright?” J’onn asked, his voice painfully gentle, “Your tracker sent an alert that your heart rate was elevated, and I know you’re not well,”

John grimaced at the pain blooming in his back, “I’m fine. Just rolled off the bed is all.”

“Let me help you,”

Before John could protest, he was being lifted by his friend. J’onn set him back in bed, and laid the back of his hand on John’s forehead.

“Getting anything from that?” 

J’onn shrugged,“... No, but Clark did it to me when I was sick.”

They shared a laugh.

“Thanks for checking in on me, Big J,”

“Of course. It wasn’t just the sensor that sent me,”

John quirked a brow.

“Your mother wanted me to check in on you,”

John hid his face in embarrassment, mama! He grumbled.

“Think nothing of it, my friend. I’ll be staying with you to make sure you recover,”

“Oh, J’onn, you don’t have to do that.”

“Are you suggesting I disobey a direct order from Shirley Stewart?”

“Oh, yeah, you better stay.”

They laughed again.

J’onn examined John’s face closer, finding the tear stains. He reached up a hand to wipe the still-wet tracks away.

“Little one…” 

John flinched.

“Nope, nope, none of that,” John pouted. He crossed his arms and looked away.

“John, I don’t mean to assume, but if this illness is making you regress -”

“It’s not.” he huffed. J’onn retracted his hand.

“Alright, if you say so.”

John perked up at the success. Ha! He was not regressed. Even J’onn thought so.

"Will you at least let me help you out of your wet shirt?

John had already forgotten about the shirt.

"I can do it by myself, thanks,"

With great struggle (and perhaps a hand from J'onn) the shirt was discarded and replaced with a soft Howard University sweatshirt. 

“Is it okay if I put something on TV?” J'onn asked.

“Of course, I’ve got some DVDs on the shelf.”

J’onn walked over and thumbed through the shelf. A smirk crossed his face, but was quickly covered with his usual neutral expression. He popped the DVD in the player, and an animated selection screen flicked on. A familiar song started to play.

“J’onn. I know what you’re doing.”

“What am I doing?”

“Bob the Builder? This is a kid’s show.”

“Oh? I wasn’t aware. You’re the one with the DVD.”

John huffed. “Touche.”

The theme song played on. Once the episode proper began, John propped himself up to see.

“What is that?” J’onn asked, pointing at the contraption on screen.

“You’ve never seen a steam roller?”

“I don’t get out much.”

“Well, now you have,” John said, “his name is Roley.”

“Do all steam rollers have names?”

“No! Just this one!” John giggled.

…giggled?

“What are the other creatures' names?”

“They’re not really creatures, J, they’re machines,”

“Then why do they have eyes?”

“I dunno!” John was laughing now.

“Well, what are their names?”

“Okay okay… can you… can you look in that bottom drawer?”

J’onn opened the drawer, finding little plastic figures inside.

“Oh! It’s Roley!” J’onn held up the green steamroller. 

“Bring ‘em all over!”

John was sitting up in bed now, trying to curb his growing smile. J’onn spread out the toys on the bed.

“Okay so this is Scoop, he’s a backhoe loader, and Muck is a dump truck - dump trucks are my favorite - and Dizzy, a cement mixer! And Bob, obviously.”

“Bob is the only human among them? How did he come to know these sentient machines?”

John laughed, “I dunno!”

“Maybe if we watch, we’ll find out.”

“Sit here, J!” John beamed, patting the spot next to him.

“Of course, little one.”

[cardboardclownery]

...hi guys :]

so uhh. folie a deux posting again-

this issss the first chapter i wrote for this!! cookie and i split the chapters among

ourselves specially based on their content and when pitching the idea for this one cookie said they felt sick while reading my idea so. i was chosen to write this one for his sake -v-

SO!! sit back, relax, and enjoy the horrors my friend B]

(also sorry about the bracket bits at the start, we havent made placeholder town names yet or anything ;v;)

FOLIE À DEUX - CHAPTER 5, DRAFT 1

big tw for: graphic depictions of violence, cannibalism, dark themes(?? its freaky idk what youd call it)

I’ve once again found myself in the dark, suffocating woods surrounding the towns of Eastridge. Realistically, I could’ve stayed in [town name] for a bit longer– I had only just started living there before moving out again. Despite that, something in my head is telling me that I have to leave. Telling me how that place is too close to my old home, how easy it would be for Lankmann to find me there.

That voice has been leading me fairly well so far, so I have no reason to stop following him now.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling a bit doubtful, though. I have no reason to believe he’s right or wrong, but a voice telling me to walk endlessly through the wilderness with unconfirmable reasoning isn’t exactly easy to believe. What other choice do I have, though? Stay put and see if it’s proven right, only to risk being put back into that hellish asylum?

No. That isn’t an option. We– I’m not going back there.

God, I’m hungry.

Still, I keep walking, ignoring how much my stomach growled. If I just make it to the nearest town soon, I can get something to eat. I think I still have enough money left to buy something. If not… hopefully they have a soup kitchen. I never imagined I’d end up in a situation where I would depend on something like that. I guess I never considered how people end up homeless or unable to feed themselves.

It feels odd calling myself a “person” now. I don’t know why, but it just seems… wrong in some way.

…I smell something. What is that smell? It’s visceral, almost like raw pork, and yet oddly sweet. I feel drool well up in my mouth and drip down my chin. I quickly wipe it off with my sleeve as I feel my heart begin to pound. Why am I so shaky? And why am I so much hungrier than before?

I look around for the source of the smell only to see a person walking not too far off in the distance. The trees make it hard to see them very well, but I can tell it’s a person. I know it doesn’t make sense for them to be the source of the smell, and yet something’s telling me that they are.

I find myself unable to look away from them. I don’t know why, but I just can’t.

Something about them makes me feel even hungrier.

Why am I hungrier? That’s a fucking person, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I just look away– I keep trying but I can’t get myself to look anywhere else but at them. My jaw falls open, letting more saliva spill out. They start walking farther away, I should walk away too.

But I can’t stop staring.

I can’t stop drooling.

I can’t…

I can’t…

stop…

…

…What...

What’s…going on..?

I can’t remember…how I got here…

I feel something in my mouth…I’m chewing something. It feels like steak, yet tastes more like ham. There’s so much of it, I feel it spilling out over my chin. It’s so warm… and wet… Is it covered in blood..? Was this even cooked at all? What the hell am I eating!?

I look down and–

And–

Fuck. Fuck, I–

I choke on what I was chewing, covering my eyes.

This isn’t fucking happening this isn’t happening–

I uncover my eyes and look down again. I see the same thing.

That person I saw. They’re right here, laying right in front of me. They won’t move, there’s a tear in their neck and they’re bleeding. They’re bleeding a lot.

Their leg’s bleeding too– there’s a deep gash in it. It looks as if an animal had torn it open with its teeth.

There’s blood on my hands. And my face, and my clothes.

There’s so much blood.

A sob pushed at my throat as I willed myself into looking at the person’s face. Another slipped out as I saw them staring back at me, making me look away again. I can’t bear looking at them like this. I can’t believe they’re even alive, let alone conscious.

It would’ve been so much easier if it wasn’t…

…What do you mean, “it?”

They aren’t an “it,” that�� that’s a person that’s not–

I shake my head and look back down at its– their leg. The wound left in it is so deep, almost reaching the bone. For some reason, when I looked at this…

When I looked… I felt so, so hungry.

I swallow what remained in my mouth. It tastes… good.

Why does it… taste good..?

Without thinking, I lean down, hold the person’s leg in place and tear off another hunk of flesh with my teeth. The person doesn’t even resist or scream. It just lays there, whimpering in pain.

Its meat tastes so, so good.

I quickly chew up the viscera between my teeth and gulp it down along with the blood it was drenched in. I lick my lips to take in the mess on my face. It was oddly savory, even sweet. I tore off another chunk from its leg.

“I…I-I’m so…I’m sor…ry…” I choked out between chews. “I’m so… so, sorry…”

I swallowed down the mush in my mouth before croaking out another “sorry.” I couldn’t stop repeating as I ate, “sorry,” “sorry,” “I’m sorry,” as if it would do anything. It didn’t take long to notice the person stop responding. It finally died off as I sobbed pointless apologies, devouring what was left of its leg.

My sobs became incomprehensible blubbering after this. I couldn’t bring myself to eat anymore. I just buried my head in my hands, muffling the nonsense tumbling from my throat.

…It’s so odd.

In less than a week, I’ve transformed from a deer in headlights into a predator– a beast perhaps even more frightening than the one I had been running from all this time.

…

I can’t remember exactly how we- I got rid of the body. I just remember panicking, dragging the corpse for hours without thinking. I can’t remember where it is now. I think I stepped on something. Just above my ankle, there’s a bloody gash that must’ve been there for a while now. It’s from a bear trap I think. I probably shouldn’t be walking with a wound like that in my leg. I probably shouldn’t be able to walk with that in my leg. It stings, but it doesn’t hurt as much as it should, I don’t think.

I’m still damp from washing in a river. I think it was a river. It might’ve been a lake, actually. I can’t really remember that, either. I just know I was covered in blood, then went somewhere that had water and left without any blood on me. I couldn’t get the stains off of my clothes, though.

Hopefully no one noticed.

I’m in an apartment now– a small, run-down one, but an apartment. I’ll be stuck living here for a while so I need to get used to it. I’ve been staring at the same spot on the beige, hole-filled wall for a few minutes now, standing just in front of the door leading outside. My bag is lying next to me, having been dropped just after walking inside and closing the door.

I should go to bed.

I should unpack.

I should take a proper shower.

I should turn myself in to the police.

I should

I

don’t

I don’t. Know.

What do I do now?

Where do I go from here?

What… what do I do..?

I… I killed someone… I can’t even remember where they are now…

I just… hid them… like it was nothing and walked away.

I ate their fucking leg.

Why… why did I… Why…

Why…

I…

Can’t… breathe…

I fall backwards against the door. I can’t breathe. I choke on nothing. I can’t stop shaking.

My eyes start to sting from the tears forming in them. My fingers curl against the floor. My nails dig into it as they do.

Inhuman sounds bubble in my throat.

I feel something heavy wrap around me but nothing is there.

It becomes easier to breathe somehow.

The invisible weight around me grows heavier, pushing me down to the floor.

I curl into myself, lurching with each choked sob of a breath. Despite there being no source of it in the room, I swear I can hear music.

I really have lost it, haven’t I.

[chaotic-fandom-writer]

Adam x Reader P.5 (Hazbin Hotel)

Warnings: Heavy cursing, violence, adult themes

Chapters I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII

You

After a while, your neighbor began to visit you again. He didn’t explain why he disappeared, but you didn’t bother asking. Everyone has their own lives, you thought. 

Here he was now, in your home, eating dessert he brought over to share. Michael, he said his name was. He was a friendly enough guy, and it actually sometimes felt like maybe you had a friend up here. 

“Michael, did you want more cake?”

“No, that’s okay thank you. I really should be going now, but I just wanted to come by and say sorry again for disappearing for a while. And hey, maybe next time, your husband could join us?”

You blink, confused. “My husband?” 

Michael nods. “Yeah, Adam?”

You feel your stomach drop and your blood boil at the same time. “Adam?” 

He nods again. “Yeah, I thought.. I mean, he told me a while back that you two were married.” 

You stand. “That fucker is NOT my husband, and I don’t know where he got such an idea. I’ve honestly started to question how he's the leader of the angel army, considering he’s clearly insane.”

Michael chuckles at this, standing too. “So, you’re not married then?”

“No, I’m not. Why do you ask?”

He gently takes your hand. “I was hoping maybe we could have dinner sometime. Maybe outside of this room?” He laughs. 

You feel heat begin to rise in your cheeks. You quickly pull your hand away. 

“That’s nice and all, but I’m not so sure-” Michael stops you with a hand. “Don’t answer now, just think about it, okay? Now, I really do have to be going, but I’ll be by again in a few days.”

“Um, okay, sure.” You walk him to the door. He gives you a quick hug before disappearing into his own room. 

You take a deep breath. “What the hell?”

--

Adam

He visited AGAIN, Adam thought to himself, I thought I made myself pretty fucking clear.

“Sir. Sir.” Adam is snapped out of his own thoughts by the sound of Lute coming up behind him. 

“Jesus fucking christ bitch, don’t scare me like that!” Adam grabs at his chest dramatically. 

“Sir. You know you aren’t supposed to be here.” Adam rolls his eyes. “Yeah and last time I checked, neither were you, but here we both are.” 

“Why do you keep coming back?” 

Adam scoffs. “Isn’t it obvious?” 

“You love her?” Adam chokes on his own saliva. “NO. No, that is NOT what I am saying Lute. Fuck’s sake.” 

“Then what, sir?”

Adam pauses, glancing up at the window again. There you stood, as beautiful as a porcelain doll, watering the plants in your home. “Because..” Adam pauses, trying to think of a valid excuse. 

“Because did you see that fucker next door who keeps trying to hit on her? He’s definitely bad news. I think he’s trying to take advantage of her. We gotta stop him.”

Lute sighs. “It’s not exactly wrong for him to be visiting her. She almost seems happier to have a friend-” Adam cuts her off. “Absolutely not, he isn’t trying to be her friend he’s trying to take fucking advantage! Do you see how hot she is? No way he isn’t up to something sick.”

Lute sighs again. “Okay, so what do you want to do? You know you can’t harm another angel.” 

Adam looks up at you again. “I have to make her believe me. I have to show her the truth.” 

“Sir, you can’t mean-”

“I’m breaking into Sera’s fucking office, and I’m getting those documents.”

“What about the runes? You know they made that seal to prevent the two of you specifically from opening that box.” 

“Well.. that’s where I was hoping you’d come in.”

--

Under the cover of night, Sera’s office is once again broken into, this time by Adam and Lute. 

“Adam, I swear to god, if we get caught-”

“Relax bitch, we won’t. We just have to be fast.” 

They make their way to Sera’s desk, knowing exactly where to look. 

Adam opens the hatch, then steps back, allowing Lute to open the box.

The runes glow bright blue when she brings her hand near, and then die out at her touch. She removes the lid, pulling out a folder with yours and Adam’s names written on the front. 

“Can we go now?” 

“Yeah, hurry up.” The two put everything back the way they found it, and start to head for the door, when they hear voices coming from the hall. They freeze in their tracks, not daring to even take a breath. 

Faintly, they can make out a conversation. 

“Hey, is Sera going to be available for a meeting in a couple days? I had some things to go over with her.”

“You’ll have to check the specific day, because I think she has her own meeting she’s holding soon too. Actually, did you not get an invite? I’m certain you were on the list, it’s a very important meeting.”

“I’m not sure, I’ll have to check. What’s it regarding?”

“(Y/N).”

Adam’s mouth goes dry at the mention of your name. 

“Gotcha, I’ll be there. Have a good night!”

“You too!”

They wait until the footsteps fade out, then quickly exit the building. 

Outside, Adam turns to Lute. “I have to eavesdrop on that meeting. I know damn well Sera excluded me on purpose. She thinks I have a bias.”

“I mean, don’t you, sir?”

Adam glares at Lute. “No, the fuck I do not. I’m just, I’m doing what’s right okay? I’m setting a fucking example or something.”

Lute stares at Adam, unsure of how to reply.

“Lute, I’m going to that fucking meeting.”

--

Sera

"Sera, where is Emily?" 

Sera looks towards the side of the room where the voice came from. 

"With the gravity of the discussion today, I thought it best she stayed behind.

Today, we are here to discuss how to get rid of the sinner." 

A random voice pops in. "Get rid? You aren't suggesting.."

Sera shakes her head. "No, of course not. But it is possible to send her back. The problem is, we cannot send her down into Hell with the knowledge that she possesses. We don't want sinners knowing they can get into Heaven.

We've discovered that all it does is cause mass chaos and panic for our people, and our people have to come first. The ones who are deemed pure at the divine gates come before the sinners of Hell, redemption or not."

Another angel raises their hand. "So, what can we do then?" 

Sera takes a deep breath. "I am proposing another memory wipe."

Shocked gasps fill the room, people whispering to each other over the news. 

"Can we really do that?"

"She's already been through one.."

"Sera, we all know what happened last time.."

Sera raises her hand, silencing the room. "Yes, I remember full and well. But she was still sent to Hell then, was she not? So even with those.. complications, our ultimate goal would still be achieved. 

And who's to say the same events will repeat themselves? We have people who have been working hard to perfect the memory wipe, to see that we don't repeat those mistakes."

Murmurs of agreement come from around the room. 

"Maybe she's right.."

"I trust Sera!"

"Our people have to come first!"

Someone else stands. "Just one thing, Sera. How is Adam going to feel about this?"

Sera's eye twitches slightly at the mention of Adam. "He will obey my orders or there will be consequences. He knows this." 

--

You

A few days later, as promised, Michael came to visit again. 

He came with pie this time, and a bottle of wine. 

“So, I don’t want to pressure you or anything like that, but I was wondering if you’d thought about my offer anymore?” He flashes you a cheesy smile. 

You smile back. “I’m not sure, Michael. I haven’t really thought it through, if I’m being honest. It’s just a lot to handle right now, with me being from Hell and everything.. I’m surprised that doesn’t bother you.”

Michael smiles again, taking your hand. “If you were redeemed and sent to Heaven, it means you are a good person. And I think good people make mistakes sometimes, but that shouldn’t define you. Getting to know you has been such a pleasure, and I just-”

He’s cut off by a loud banging at the door. 

"(Y/N), please open the door it's fucking important!"

Your eyes go big, recognizing the voice. You glance at Michael, considering ignoring the door, when more banging comes. You sigh, shooting Michael an apologetic glance before opening the door.

“Adam, this really isn’t the best-”

He shoves his way inside. “Adam! What the fuck are you doing?” You shout.

He looked panicked, his eyes wild and his hands shaking. He yanks you to the side, slamming the door shut and bolting it.

"Woah, what the fuck is your deal?" You yell. Michael stands. “Hey, man, you should let go of her.”

Adam directs his focus on Michael, glaring. “I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from her!”

Taken aback, you yank your wrist from Adam. “Adam, what the fuck? You don’t get to control my life because of your crazy delusions! You’re insane!”

Adam completely ignores you.

"(Y/N), shut up and listen, for real this time. We've got fucking problems. 

I was listening in on one of Sera's meetings, okay? I wasn't supposed to be there. And I overheard her talking about you. She wants to kick you out of Heaven."

You laugh, throwing your hands up. "Fucking great, I was going to get myself out if she wasn't.” Michael turns to glance at you, a hurt look in his eyes. You turn away, feeling your stomach sink a little bit. “When can I leave?"

Adam shakes his head, grabbing you by the shoulders. "No, (Y/N), she won't let you leave knowing that sinners can be redeemed. She wants to wipe your memory again, (Y/N). We need to go." 

You blink, unsure how to process all of this. "Adam, are you serious?"

He grabs your hands now, pulling you close. "This isn't something I would just make up. And I'm not letting it happen, either. I promise I'll protect you." 

Michael steps in between you two, pulling your hand away from Adam forcefully. “Adam, you’re being insane. Sera would never do anything to hurt anybody, and she certainly wouldn’t kick somebody out of Heaven when they’ve earned the right to be here. I think you should leave.”

“I think I should kick your fucking ass right now!” Adam steps forward, but you put your arms up in between the two of them, yelling. “Both of you stop it!” 

Michael grabs your hand again. “(Y/N), you don’t actually believe him, right? You can’t want to go back down there.

You feel a knot forming in your stomach. “Michael, it’s not that simple. I know to you, Hell just seems like.. well, Hell, but my whole life was down there, I had friends down there, they were my family.”

“But.. I thought maybe we had something special. I can make you happy, (Y/N). And I can protect you from guys like him.” He nods at Adam. 

“Fuck you bitch.” Adam rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “(Y/N), you know I’m not lying, and you know we need to go now. I don’t know how we’re getting you out yet because I’m pretty sure Sera cut me off from making portals, but..” Adam trails off, realizing he hadn’t considered this part of the plan yet.

 You would usually brush him off as just being crazy again, but the sincerity in his tone and the way his hands were shaking was enough to convince you that he was being serious. 

“I.. I might have something.”

“You do?” Adam asks, shocked. You nod, pulling the gem from it’s hiding spot. “Is this anything.. useful?” You hand it to him, and a big grin spreads across his face.

“Fuck yeah it is! It’s a teleportation crystal for going between Heaven and Hell! But where did you get this?”

“I.. may have stolen it from Sera’s office.” 

Michael gasps at this, and Adam grins. “Great minds think alike babe.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Michael grabs you by the shoulders this time, facing you towards him. “(Y/N), you can’t possibly want to go with this lunatic. You said it yourself, you know you were never married to him. And you can’t want to go back down there, what could possibly be better down there?”

You grab Michael’s wrist, trying to pull his grip off your shoulder. “Michael, you’re hurting me.”

“I can make you happy, I can give you everything!” His grip tightens. “Ow! Let go!”

Suddenly, Adam lands a punch directly on Michael’s jaw, causing him to release you and fall to the ground. “You ever touch her like that again, and I won’t go easy on you next time motherfucker. You have five seconds to get out of my fucking sight.”

Michael scrambles for the door, looking back at you for just a second before finally fleeing.

You release a shaky breath you didn’t realize you were holding in. 

“S-So.. what do we do?” You ask.

"We need to get out of here, and then it's time for me to show you who you really are." 

Adam grabs you by the hand, and the two of you leave the building. 

As you're walking out, you bump into Emily. You start to panic, but notice she hardly looks at you, staring only at the ground. Adam speaks up. 

"Emily, please, just-"

"Go, Adam. Get (Y/N) out of here."

You both glance at each other, confused. "Um, not that I'm complaining, but why?" You ask. 

Emily still doesn't meet your eyes, head tilted down. "I know you were eavesdropping on the meeting, Adam, because I saw you. I was too. 

I know what they're planning to do. And I don't want that to happen. I didn't want them to kick her out in the first place. None of this is right-"

Emily's words are cut off by her choked sobs. Tears spill freely from her eyes, and she wipes at them furiously. "Just, go, okay?" She turns to leave. 

"Thank you, Emily." 

Both you and Emily turn to stare at Adam, shocked to hear him so genuine and kind. Emily nods. "Just go." And with that, she leaves.

"Alright, ready for this shit?" Adam picks you up suddenly. You squeak with surprise. "Hey, what are you doing?"

He scoffs. "How the fuck else are we getting out of here? We have to fly." 

He opens the portal, and you tighten your grip around his shoulders as he takes off. The two of you fly straight through the portal. 

Straight into Hell.

--

Don't forget, I'm always accepting requests!

Chapters I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII

[embrosegraves]

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕄𝕠𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕤

(request) Sebastian Vettel x Reader (he/they) Kids: Vincent/Vince (4) and Miriam/Mimi (5 months)

Warnings: Mentions of Reader not having a good childhood, mentions of Bad Mental Health™, self-doubt from reader, badly written angst?

It had been an unbelievable few years for the Vettel household. First Sebastian married the love of his life and they moved to a farm in Switzerland. They spent three years together before they adopted an energetic 2-year-old boy named Vincent. They were a perfect family of three. Sebastian retired from Formula One when Vince was 3 and a year later they found themselves at home with a now 4-year-old son and a newly adopted 5-month-old baby girl, Miriam.  

It was everything Seb could’ve asked for. He had a husband and two gorgeous children, he had never been more satisfied with anything in his life. 

Sebastian was so in love with his life that his heart shattered when he saw his life partner struggling. Y/n put up a good show in front of the children, but Sebastian and Y/n had been together for close to 9 years. Not to mention that they had known each other for 13 years. All that to say, Sebastian basically knew them better than themself. So he knew that while Y/n was outwardly happy and excited, their mind was in the trenches between anxiety and doubt. 

Seb could see that he was struggling with something and it physically pained him to not know how to help. Y/n was the single most important thing in his life. Every fibre of his being was made to love him and to make him feel happy and safe. He had to try something to help.

Prior to getting together with Seb, Y/n had explained vaguely what it had been like growing up for them. How they had to basically raise themself from a very early age. The sad fact was, Y/n had never had a consistent flow of positive affirmation or physical affection until finding Sebastian. Growing up both things had been a taboo. Meeting Sebastian had made Y/n determined to break the generational cycle before it had time to fully begin. Sometimes that mindset was hard to keep. Especially when asked a seemingly innocent question from a totally clueless 4-year-old. 

Vince hadn’t even asked Y/n the question, but he had overheard the small boy ask Sebastian. 

“How much am I loved?”

Those five words had sent Y/n into a silent spiral for days. Y/n hadn’t bothered to stick around to hear Sebastian answer the question. Instead, they tried as best they could to continue the day as normal. Why did Vince ask that, of all questions? Y/n was aware that children were always curious about everything, and they knew that it was more than likely just a child’s healthy curiosity. But curiosity had to start somewhere, right? What happened for their son to ask how much he was loved. 

Had he turned into his parents? Had he, without realising, not shown or said how much he absolutely adored his child? Did he somehow do the one thing that he swore he never would? Just the thought of it made him feel sick to his stomach. 

Sitting on the couch one evening, Baby Mimi asleep in one arm while the other circled around a sleeping Vince, Y/n found themself within their mind once again. Thinking about everything they had done leading up to Vince asking that dreaded question. He couldn’t pinpoint anything that seemed out of the ordinary. Nothing had changed in the dynamic since they had adopted their first child. Y/n blinked away the tears forming in his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, my loves.” Y/n whispered as they looked at their children. Their voice was choked with emotion as they spoke.

“I’m sorry I haven’t done better. I promised myself that I would be better, and it’s not just myself that I’ve let down.” Y/n sniffled. “I said, years ago, that I would never become the people that raised me. That I would stop the cycle before it could begin, but clearly I’ve failed.” 

Sebastian had stopped just before the doorway to the living room, having heard his husband speaking to the no doubt sleeping children. 

“I wish that I could take back every moment you ever doubted my love for you. Prove that I am not my parents and that you are the most important parts of my life. I never want for you to feel how I did as a child.” 

Sebastian couldn’t take it anymore. He walked into the room, gently picked up his son and sat down next to Y/n. Keeping an arm around Vince, he used his free arm to wrap around his partner and pull them close to him. 

Sebastian pressed a lingering kiss to Y/n temple and whispered to him. “They do not doubt your love for them, Blume. I promise you.”

“How would you know that? I have failed as a parent if my child has to ask if he is loved.” Y/n took a shuddering breath, trying to stop themself from bawling their eyes out. 

“I know because I asked. Vince knows how much you love him, he knows how much I love him and I have no doubt in my mind that Mimi also knows how much we love her.”

“Papa, how much am I loved?” 

Sebastian looked at the 4-year-old in his arms, “Why do you ask?” 

“Baba always says that he loves you to the moon. And then you always say that you love Baba for all the stars.” 

“We do say that, yes.” Sebastian could help but smile at his son. He knew that for the young boy to know the endearment he exchanged with his husband, he would’ve had to hear it often. It pleased him to know that his children were growing up surrounded by the notion that affection and openly loving someone was a good thing.

“I just wanted to know how much I was loved. Like you and Baba.”

Adjusting Vince so that he could see his face, Sebastian gave a kiss to his forehead. “Baba and I love you so much that there is nothing we could compare it to”

The boy looked at his father, “And Mimi too?” 

“Of course Mimi too. There is nothing in the whole world that Baba and I love more than the two of you.” 

“Not even your trophies? Baba says you love them a lot.” Vince said, laying his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“My trophies don’t even come close, Kleine.” 

Sebastian pulled his husband closer as he finished speaking. I was silent for a moment before Seb spoke up again. 

“You have not failed as a parent, and I know that you will never fail. I have seen how much our son adores you. In every language I know there are not enough words to explain how much he loves you.” 

Sebastian knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to convince his partner that they didn’t need to be upset or worried. He knew that it was hard to come back from your mind. Especially if you had been there for a while. Sebastian was determined to help his partner, no matter how long it took him. He would go to the ends of the Earth if it meant that Y/n knew how much their little family loved them. He would trade every Championship trophy in the world to show Y/n that they are nothing like the people who raised them (because they sure as shit weren’t parents). 

“I love you so much that seeing you doubt yourself hurts me. You are the best damn parent for our children and I just wish that you could see that.”

It might take me a while but I can potentially do a part 2 for this if people liked it.

but anyways, I hope everyone enjoyed <3

[dakotalun]

Want Part 2 | Eddie Munson

pairing: Eddie Munson X Fem Reader

summary: PART 2-- Eddie hangs out with someone and you confront him about it. Eddie shows up again with a surprise.

warnings: oral (f. receiving), praise kink, pet names (good boy, baby, ma'am, babe), sub!eddie, fingering, swearing

word count: 2.9k

a/n: been a whole month...whoopsies. But I am coming back with a nice and long fic for y'all. I also have a few things in the works that will be multi parted. I hope y'all enjoy and have an amazing day!! :)

*******NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS*******

Eddie's been gone for what feels like hours, I’m completely broken and hurt while he's probably off with Chrissy again. Out of all the things I could've done today, I chose to ruin my relationship. I slowly raise to my feet but upon seeing the plate that Eddie had haphazardly thrown to the counter I start to feel sick. I rush to the bathroom and throw up.

Hours pass by. I'm sitting on the cold bathroom floor, refusing to move. I've thrown up twice since Eddie left me, once when I realized what he had been doing for most of the day and again after throwing up everything that was in my stomach. He still hasn't called or texted me. I really fucked this up. And I have no clue how I'm going to fix it.

My stomach tightens again as I feel another wave of vomit come up. And that's how I spend the night, laying on the bathroom floor occasionally barfing as I cry over Eddie. I can't believe I've made such a big mistake.

I wake up the next morning feeling drained and exhausted. The events from last night are still fresh in my mind and I can't seem to get myself out of bed. I turn over, a sliver of hope that Eddie came home last night. But all I find is the empty, cold space where he should be. I grab my phone from the nightstand and check for any messages, nothing. A sigh leaves my mouth as I come to the full conclusion that I should maybe leave for a while, this was Eddie's trailer first after all.

I peel myself out of the sheets and trudge to the bathroom. Getting back I search the messy closet we share for my duffel bag, finding it under a mess of dirty clothes and an old amp Eddie keeps saying he'll throw out. I pick out some comfortable jeans and a few t-shirts, stuffing them into the bag and slipping my feet into a pair of sneakers.

After grabbing my phone charger and headphones I grab the keys from the counter and walk outside. A cold gust of wind blows in my face as the seasons change from summer to fall. I plug my headphones in but just as I'm about to put them on I hear a loud boom of music coming from the street entrance of the trailer park.

I look up to see none other than Eddie driving his van, music blasting and flowing through the open windows. He's driving with little regard for anything around him, nearly hitting the neighbor's fence before parking. He shuts the van off and hops out, stumbling slightly. Yeah he's clearly drunk, or at least he was at some point since I last saw him. His face is red and slightly swollen, stains line his face from tears.

He finally looks up to see me standing on the porch of the trailer, staring at him a broken look in my eye still. He slowly and hesitently steps towards me.

"Hey," Eddie reaches up and rubs the back of his neck, a nervous tic.

"Hi."

The two of us stand there for a few seconds just looking at each other taking in the events of last night. I'm the first to talk.

"I'm gonna stay with Rob for a few days, just so we can kinda, you know," I don't finish the sentence, too scared to make this a reality.

"Don’t. Please," His eyes are softer now, no anger or resentment behind them. Just pure love and adoration, "I need you here. Please stay."

"Eddie," I look down at my feet, now finding the slowly rotting floor boards more interesting, "Look, I wish I could stay with you. I really do, but after last night. After what you said, what I said. I just don't think it's a good idea."

I don't notice how his face drops, a small frown taking place on his lips. He takes a few more steps closer to me, now at the bottom of the porch.

"Please. I don't want to lose you too. Not after all this time. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me." His words break my heart all over again, "You coming into my life was the besy thing to ever happen to me. I wouldn't have ever had the courage to really try and finish high school without you." 

He speaks he walks up the steps, getting closer to me, enough to finally smell the alcohol on him, "If I could go back in time and not hang out with Chrissy I would, in an instant. But I can't," He's finally reached me. He brings his hands out to hold mine, I look at him. Really look at him for the first time since yesterday. I can see how much he means this, and how much he wants me to say I'll stay.

"I don't know if I can trust you anymore Eddie. You lied to me about where you were, and what you were doing. You're still selling even after I told you not to," I scan his face, trying to find something, anything, "And then there's Chrissy-"

"There's nothing going on between me and her, I promise! I really was just catching up with an old friend."

"Then why did you leave?" There it was. The question at the top of my mind ever since he walked out that door, why. If she was just an "old friend" then he shouldn't have felt the need to leave me. To let me cry until I was physically ill.

I pull my hands away from his, missing the warmth of them. I start to head towards my car, needing to be out of here, out of his space, away.

"Wait, please," He turns with me, following, "Babe, I love you with everything I have, and ever will have. You are the only person on this planet for me. You're the only person I can open up to. The only one I can be myself around, I need you."

He's saying all the right things except for one, the one I really need to hear from him. I stop and harshly turn to him, "I know Eddie! I know you love me and need me and all that bullshit but that's not what I asked you! I asked if you want me? If I will be enough for you, if I'm just another girl for you to fuck and pretend to love before you throw me off to the side like trash? So, do. you. want. me?"

My hands are shaking, both from the cold and my anger. I wait for him to answer, wishing he would just say yes so we can go back to normal or no so I can move on and get away from him.

"I- OF COURSE! I want you more than anything!" He runs up to me, placing his hands on my cheeks, shielding them from the cold. "Could you come with me?"

"What?" I’m confused by the sudden change in questions. Where could he possibly want me to go right now?

"Just come with me? I need to- I want to show you something, please," He's begging. Eddie Munson has never begged for anything in his life and yet here he is, practically on his hands and knees for me.

"Fine," I sigh.

His eyes light up, hands falling from my face to interlock with mine. He pulls me to his van, opening the door like he always does. Forever a gentleman. He all but sprints to the driver's side before quickly starting the old van and driving out of the lot he just came into.

We drive to the other side of town, where all the rich kids live. We trun the corner and Eddie looks over to me.

"Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Close your eyes. It's a surprise," A grin has spread across his face, crinkling the sides of his eyes.

I groan lightly before shutting my eyes, wondering what the hell Eddie is up to now. Not long after, we are parking and Eddie's grabbing my hand to lead me wherever we are at.

I giggle a little as he all but pushes me through a doorway, "Eds what are you doing? Where the fuck are we?"

"You'll see, just keep those pretty little eyes closed alright?" He walks me a few more steps before postioning me in place, "Alright, open."

I open my eyes and am momentarily blinded my the bright florescent overheads before noticing we are standing in front of a door.

"Eddie. What the hell is this?" I turn to look at him, his signature shit eating grin plastered on. He holds up his keys, searches for the right one then opens the door in front of us. He leads me inside, looking at my every facial movement.

"This," He gestures to the large empty living room, "is our new apartment. That is if you're not still mad at me?" His face is soft and sweet, waiting for my answer.

"Eddie this is- how did you? I don't understand," I shake my head slightly trying to understand what's going on here, "What do you mean this is our apartment?"

Eddie stands in front of me blocking my view. He reaches for my hands and holds them in his, taking away some of the anxiety I have right now.

"I've been working extra hours at the auto shop down on Main, and selling a little bit too," My face drops, "I know you told me to stop! But I saw this place a while ago, when Wayne was house hunting. And I just knew it was perfect for us."

He squeezes my hands, pulling me to the large windows on the other side of the room, it overlooks Main Street and all the little shops he knows I love, "Every dollar I’ve earned this past year has gone into a down payment on this place. It took a lot of haggling with Ted on my wages but I finally had enough. Then we had our fight last night," He looks down, ashamed at himself for what happened, "When you asked if I wanted you I don't know what happened but I just knew that now was the time to finally pay for it. So I raced down here and payed the guy, because I want nothing more than to have you in my life forever."

As he's talking, I realize I'm crying, I can't help it, I feel so much joy and pain all at once. Eddie's hands grip tighter, keeping me from falling to the floor, "If you don't want this just tell me, give me the word and I won't bother you again," He places his finger below my chin to make me look at him, his eyes are rimmed with tears just like mine are, "But before you do just let me tell you what I did last night was stupid and I promise I will never do that again. I love you with everything I have and I always will. But if I hurt you too much just tell me and I'll back off."

I can't think straight when he looks at me like that, his big brown doe eyes staring at me with all the love a person could ever hold. I look around the apartment one last time, out the big window to our right, and finally back at Eddie.

"Alright."

"What? Alright? Like you'll live here with me?!" His smile has returned, eyes finally letting the tears fall.

"Yes, Eddie. I'll move in here with you," He picks me up off my feet in a giant bear hug, spinning us in place as he yells in excitement, "On one condition."

He puts me down, hands still around my waist, not letting me move any further away, "Anything. Just name it."

"No more selling. You focus on school and I'll focus on the bills."

"Baby I can't-"

"This won't be for forever Eds. Just until you graduate then we can both pay the bills, just please promise me that?"

"Yes ma'am." He smiles and pulls me into a searing kiss. One that feels like we haven't kissed in years, and won't ever get the chance again. The kiss makes me weak in the knees and I can feel the wetness growing in my pants.

Eddie groans into the kiss before pulling away, "I gotta stop kissing you or else we'll be ruining this place before we even move in."

"And what's so bad about that? It seems like it needs a good cristining don't you?"

"Babe," Eddie's eyes grow wide and look to the side of us, where the floor length windows stand, uncovered, "We can't. What if people see us?"

I walk over to the window and look out onto the street. It's a quiet day, only a few people walking around. "So what? They'd all get to know that you're mine and I'm yours. Forever."

I can feel Eddie's chest on my back as he presses against me, his boner growing slowly, "My naughty girl," His hands go to my hips but before they can travel anywhere I turn around and pin them to his sides.

"That's ma'am to you. Got it?" I don't know where this confidence came from but I’m enjoying it. And so is Eddie, he nods his head vigirously, "Sorry I can't hear you."

"Yes ma'am."

"That's my god boy," Eddie's eyes close at the nickname, his body shivering, "You like that don't you? You like being called my good boy?"

"Mhmm. Yes ma'am."

I stand on my tiptoes to reach Eddie's ear and whisper, "Then get on your knees and show me just how good of a boy you are."

Before I can even blink Eddie is on his knees in front of me, unbuckling my jeans and pulling them down to my ankles. The sight of the wet patch on my panties has me in pieces, slowly losing all composure.

He looks up to me as he hooks his fingers into the waistline of my underwear, "May I?" I nod and he pulls them down, the slick from me making them stick to my folds. He groans and starts kissing up my thighs, towards the place I need him most. His kisses are featherlight, slowly making me dizzy, I wish he would go faster.

"Eddie," I sigh as he finally plants a kiss to my clit, so soft it's almost missed. Once he gets a taste of me he dives right in, licking a stripe up my folds to collect the juices. He moans at the taste, licking me like a dog starved.

I unravel above him, my knees becoming weak and numb. The way he eats me out is heavenly and I’ve never wanted a thing to stop less than right now. Moans and sighs are falling past my lips with each lick and suck of Eddie's mouth. I begin to feel that wonderfully familiar knot tightening and begin tightening around Eddie's tongue. He feels it and moves his ministrations up to my clit and shoves two fingers into my entrance.

"Fuck!" I keel over on top of Eddie, one hand braced on his head and the other on his shoulder, "Just like that. I'm so close Ed." Eddie picks up speed and bends his fingers to reach that spongey spot inside with every thrust of his fingers.

"Come on baby. Cum for me, let me taste you. I missed the way you taste so much. Please come for me, please."

His words send me over the edge, white lights blinding me as the string finally snaps and I’m cumming all over Eddie's face and fingers. He doesn't stop his movements, he pulls me through my orgasm, spewing words of affection and love the entire time. Once he notices that I’m starting to slow down he releases his mouth from me and removes his fingers, eliciting a whine from my lips.

"Thank you, thank you so much," Eddie slowly stands, holding me as my leg strength still haven't come back.

"That's my good boy," I pull him in for a kiss, tasting myself on him. He pushes into me making his erection rub against my exposed thigh. His eyes squeeze shut at the feeling.

"Can I fuck you now?" His eyes are pleading and full of lust.

"Take me home first, Eddie," I look into his eyes and feel nothing but love for this man. The way he treats me with so must love and attention makes me want ot hold on nad never let go, no matter what happens to us.

"We are home sweetheart. This is home now."

"I know. I just love the sound of it," I pull Eddie in for another kiss, this one sweet and gentle. Nothing like the ones from before, only love and adderation fills this, as I try to show him how much I feel for him.

I’m so caught up in the kiss that I don't even notice Eddie dip down quickly and place his hands on my thighs, but before I can question he lifts me up. I instinctivly wrap my legs around his hips and circle his neck with my arms.

"Eddie!" I squeal from my upward position.

"What? I wanna take you to the bedroom, it's got a walk-in closet," He smirks at that last little detail before walking down the hall toward the rest of the apartment.

Eddie Taglist: @ali-r3n @dixontardis

[jesssssssssica]

won't say i'm in love gr63

get a grip y/n. look at you, falling for a guy with two first names. curse you george russell and your gorgeous green eyes that lure you in and your muscles that for some reason make me starstruck every time i see them.

for some reason you make my stomach feel so strange like there is something in there, and no before you say anything, it’s not butterflies. no, it’s probably just me feeling sick whenever i see your face because you annoy the hell out of me, yeah that’s probably it, definitely not anything to do with me maybe possibly just the tiniest bit in love with you. that's simply not possible.

i don't even know why i continue to think about this topic, this possibility that i, even in the slightest, could possibly love, no like a man like you. especially not when no man has ever made me feel like this.

how come the first man that makes me feel as if i'm someone is george freaking russell? the same george russell that pushed me off the goddamn track and ruined my chances of getting a world champion title. the same george russell that would always seem to roll his eyes and scoff at anything i would say when interviewed together.

how could i ever feel such a thing for a man that angers me so very much? or am i just overexaggerating everything? maybe we're just close to the border that separates love and hate. either way i'm sure it's just a little thing, i'm sure it'll pass soon and that way george russell will just be another one of the 19 drivers that i have to go against every weekend. i'll just remember him as someone that was part of that weird phase that everyone goes through.

i mean if i was wanting to start a relationship with someone why would i choose someone that i spend so much time with, someone that i literally have to compete against every single week? it just doesn't work and besides all that it's george russell.

it doesn't help either that i always have lando and alex down my ears going on and on about how george and i are "made for each other". oh how i wish they would realise that nothing is ever going to happen between us, even though that would be nic- what am i talking about.

every time lando and alex bring him up i can't help but listen to the 'proof' they have that something is brewing between me and number 63 and i have to give them credit because sometimes it even has me believing in the possibilities. i mean the last time they spoke to me, for the rest of the day, i was constantly blushing and getting flustered every time george would pass by me, occasionally brushing against each others sides. but nonetheless i will forever see george russell as nothing more than competition, which once again shows that we would never work out, how can you love someone and yet still want to punch them so hard in the guts.

even if i were to possibly like him, i wouldn't dare ever say it out loud, not a chance. i mean how cliché is it that the girl who swears she absolutely hates this one boy ends up falling for him in the end.

and it's not as if i don't understand the self sabotage i'm doing to myself, i've been through this before and by now i thought my heart must've learned its lesson, to not fall in love, but no here i am falling in love with him.

and yeah maybe it will feel so good in the beginning, having someone that treats you like a queen, desperate to impress you so they can reel you in but then it turns sour but it's strange because it's almost like a nice sour, oh i really am desperate.

i know how wrong this is of me, feeling as if i've committed a sin, for falling for someone, especially a man like george russell, a man i was committed to hate for the rest of my life, though i can’t seem to help myself.

i can’t help that he has the most gorgeous eyes and the most perfect face and soul and i most certainly cannot help it that whenever i’m around him, my stomach seems to explode into a hundred pieces.

i can’t help it either that george just won’t seem to leave me alone, no matter how obvious i make it that i want to put some distance between us, making it practically impossible for me to not find him a little pretty.

i thought i’d learnt my lesson from the rollercoaster of my last relationship, where it starts out peaceful and lovely and then you suddenly want to rip your hair out in frustration, crying your eyes out at the stupidity of the situation. 

though it seems i had not. 

of course i didn’t. 

and of course the reason i find myself falling is because of george william russell. 

brilliant. 

though i’ll never say it aloud. never. i can’t let myself fall for another person, not when i know i could get hurt. i want to say something but surely this is all just an exaggeration, i’ve just never been able to tell the difference between love and liking someone in a platonic way. 

yes, that’s it, i’ve just finally come to the realisation that me and george are friends and that’s this feeling that i’m going through.

oh, let’s be realistic y/n you love him. 

but i will never say it out loud.

[random-vore-blog]

Sugar and Spice

I came up with the title for this one (sorry if I kept making you do Rengoku I’m just a huge fan of him and he’s my comfort character but this character is different!) I was thinking of Sanemi X Reader sfw Vore story, where Sanemi was just trying to tell his feelings to the reader but he couldn’t and when he was training with the reader, they get injured and Sanemi wanted to keep them in his stomach after Shinobu treated their wounds and gave them medicine, idk I’m just very tired and in the mood for Sanemi and Genya but I’ll request Genya later if you like-

I love this boy! And wanted to use my au for this! And sorry if this is late or not what you wanted, I tried. Enjoy!

" Can you ever be weaker?!"

Those words were something I have gotten used to. How my brother was able to ignore his rude comments was beyond me. But it wasn't like I could fight a Wind Hashira. No... he was the second strongest Hashira in this forest.

His white hair stuck out from his tanned features and scarred body. His gorgeous purple eyes stared at me with his exposed, scarred chest...

" ..."

I said nothing and just got up. This was no time to be weak in fromt of him... there was no way I could be weak in front of the Wind Hashira.

" But I am different."

" STOP WITH THAT BULLSHIT! YOU AND YOUR BROTHER THINK YOU ARE BOTH THINK THAT YOU ARE ABOVE US!"

" ... I- ..."

I kept my mouth shut, keeping quiet as not to anger him any further. Why didn't he look at my wrists and see the blood dripping down onto the ground? Was he blind?

" And why are you bleeding?"

" Training."

" Training? You have weak skin."

" How did you know my skin was weak?"

I asked oh so plainly. How did he know my skin would break by just the mere touch of a twig? Just a pinch to the skin in one area? The largest oragan covering my body and hiding my flesh and muscle?

I saw his eyes widen slightly, the scowl gone and turned into something of shock. I have never seen a reaction like that from him, never.

" What?"

He breathed out, something below a whisper but I could hear what he asked. It was almost as if... he was worried? Was he worried? What did worry sound like in someone's voice again?

" What- how- would you repeat that."

" How did you know I have weak skin?"

I repeated the question, and I swore that his cheeks flushed red. Was he sick? Did he catch a fever? Should I take h-

I felt myself being picked up, the rough but soft surface of Sanemi's skin made contact with my wrist as I held his arm out of reflexes.

" What are you doing? Put me down."

" We are going to see Kocho. Your hand is bleeding more ever since we kept speaking."

" There is no need to take me."

I insisted, but he ignored my words. I was at a loss for words. Really, I was. I didn't know that he cared about me this much. However, I don't think he does care about me. I am just like mg brother, Giyu. Why would he like me if I am related to Giyu?

-x-

" How is she, Kocho?"

" Well- she is currently unconscious and seems to be like Tomioka in a way."

" Which is?"

I questioned, mixed feelings swirling around my mind and heart. Why didn't I just confess my love for her?

" Sleeping a lot."

" Pardon?"

" She likes to sleep in questionable areas like Tomioka."

This was getting weirder and weirder. First she asked how I knew that her skin was weak- which I had no idea, and now I find out she has questionable sleeping habits that are worrisome?

" I found her in a pond once."

" HUH?! How does one manage to fall asleep in a pond?!"

" I don't know."

I swore that I was going crazy, because I thought I felt my soul leave my body. This wass just getting weirder and weirder.

...

I stared at Y/n, and sighed, looking at the hand that held the plant that could shrink anything.

I swore that I was not intending to have done this, but I couldn't keep it a secret anymore. My cravings grew each passing day whenever I saw Y/n.

Slowly, I rubbed the ripped off end on her skin, making sure to be as delicate as possible as I squeezed all the plant juice out onto her arm.

She slowly shrank, and I could feel my mouth water. Kocho was the one who knew about my love for Y/n- the romantic one.

I shivered as I gently picked her sleeping form up in my hand after the shrinking stopped. She was so small compared to my palm.

My mouth slowly opened and I gently tossed her inside before closing my mouth and swallowed. I could feel the small, warm and fragile body slip down my throat and into my stomach.

It felt... nice, in a way. Even if Y/n was unconscious, it still felt nice to have a little weight in there with the knowledge that she will be safe. God I missed this feeling so much.

I stood up and climbed in her bed, curling up as I felt drowsiness creep up my spine. I'll confess later. For now, I knew we both needed to rest after such a long day.

And then, as soon as I closed my eyes, I fell into the world of sleep.

The End

[a-lonely-dunedain]

(hi sorry yes I'm writing this trope again bc no one can stop me. I need Margim hurt/comfort like I need air ok. she's literally everything 2 me. I'm normal about them. I'm sooo normal about the traumatized berserker lady and her soft healer husband <- *lying*)

------

Blades cut, bones crack, orcs and men die screaming.

There is horror in the familiarity of it all, how readily it comes back, the sick feeling in my stomach, the deafening noise, the smell of sulfur and death, little rivers of blood before my feet, dripping from the hands of this monster they call the Executioner of the Pit. There is horror in how, almost, natural it feels to be here. How the life I built for myself in the north now feels so distant now, like a foolish dream, one that I have now awoken from and found myself back in the Pit of Thorzhaf.

At some point, I wake up from that nightmare. It does little to help. Ah, so it’s going to be one of those nights.

I sit up and rub the sleep away from my eyes with shaking hands. I shouldn’t expect to get any more of it now anyway, not when my sleeping mind has seen fit to torment me so every time I close my eyes. The house is mostly black, with only a dim trace of light emanating from the dying embers of the firepit, but I can still see clearly enough that it is my home in Lhan Tarren. I turn to see Celeair sleeping soundly in the bundle of blankets next to me, I’m relieved I did not wake him.

I can hear the rain outside, I try to find it comforting, for there was no rain in Mordor. The sound is usually a boon in quieting those memories, yet I do not think anything will drown them forever. Especially not tonight. 

I take deep, steady breaths, like Celeair told me to, but my heart still thrashes in my chest like a caged animal.

I know I am not in Mordor, I know I know I know, I am safe here, but the memory is so strong now, it drowns out all other sensations. I listen to the rain, I still hear screams. I grip the blanket with white knuckles, trying to feel its softness, but I still feel blades beneath my skin. A low rumbling of thunder becomes the uneasy murmurs of Orodruin, for a moment I can taste ash in the air, feel its heat on my skin.

This isn’t working. Unnamed and irrational terror grips my heart once again, and it will not let go so easily.

I consider waking Celeair. He could help. I want to let him hold me again. I need his soft voice and gentle hands to drive away this… this madness.

But my throat tightens and my hands tremble, my eyes burn with uncried tears. An all too familiar fear seizes my heart now. I could not speak without my voice breaking, I feel weak and pathetic. I cannot let him see me like this. I stand up, quickly and quietly as I can, and head outside. 

The rain pours down in heavy, loud sheets. The cold water shocks my skin as I walk further out. That’s good. Cold is good. It’s far away from Thorzhaf. I lift my face to the black sky and let the water wash over my face, quenching the burning in my eyes. The rain is loud, everything else seems quiet. Finally. I stand there for a long while, letting the rain be the only thing I feel, hear, and think as it soaks through my hair and clothes. I finally feel like I can breathe again.

I do not know how long it's been, but I guess I should head inside soon, although I am reluctant to leave this cold reprieve, everything I came out here to escape is all too likely to come back then. Maybe I can stay out a little longer.

I thought I heard someone say something, that’s odd-

“Margim…?” Celeair’s voice almost makes me jump, how long has he been out here? I see him standing nearby with his cloak drawn tightly around him, straining his eyes to see me in the darkness.

“Yes, I’m here,” I answer quietly, barely being heard over the rain.

“Are you alright?” A rhetorical question, for he already knows that the answer, if not an outright ‘no’, is most certainly not ‘yes’. I think that normally— and I will fully admit my point of reference for ‘normal’ is shaky at best— most people do not stand out in thunderstorms in the middle of the night when they’re having a good time. Suffice to say, I’m in no position to lie to him. But I hesitate, the worry in his eyes fills me with shame. “I… do not know,” I mutter in response.

He steps forward and gently takes my arm in his hands, “let’s go back inside,” he says softly, “I think this rain will do little good for either of us.” he takes a step back towards the door, and I wordlessly follow him back into the house. 

He wastes no time in stoking the firepit and providing it with fresh logs, and soon enough the room is lit up with an inviting orange glow. I stand nearby, half expecting an interrogation as to the reason I was seemingly trying to catch my death of cold, but Celeair asks nothing of me. Instead he just sits down in the small pile of furs near the fire, leaving plenty of room for me beside him. 

“Well, you’re not going to get very dry over there” he looks at me expectantly, but I can still detect concern in his voice. Reluctantly I sit down next to him, the heat from the fire feels soothing, and I try not to let it remind me of anything else.

“...I’m sorry,” I murmur, “I did not mean to wake you.”

“You’ve nothing to apologize for,” he says plainly, stretching out his hands to the fire to warm them “Truly, I think being awake is the least of my concerns at the moment.”

“It was only a nightmare, I did not mean to trouble you over it,” I look away from him, ashamed “I just… needed to clear my head.”

“You know, you don’t have to worry about waking me up next time, if you think it could be of any help. I wouldn’t mind.”

“I know… I wanted to but I… I don’t know why I couldn’t," the words come haltingly from me "It’s just… I felt so weak, on the brink of shattering, I couldn’t… I didn’t want you to see me like that.” my brow furrows in frustration, I make it sound like a matter of wounded pride, but that is not what I’m trying to say to him. I am not a prideful woman, I think there is little for me to be proud of. It’s just that Celeair is not a fighter, he knows not how to wield a blade nor has any desire to, so to a large extent he relies on me for protection. I don’t like letting him see me so weak. I want him to feel safe around me, like I can protect him from all harm, but how can he when I cannot even protect myself from myself? When I can be broken by a mere memory? I hate the thought of anyone seeing me in such a state, especially him.

Celeair reaches for my hand and gently holds it, his fingers slotting perfectly between my own. He says nothing, merely offering a simple gesture of comfort as he sits in thoughtful silence.

“In my line of work I see everyone at their lowest,” he says quietly after some thought, “rendered helpless by sickness or injury. I’ve tended to everyone from the common man to the mightiest of warriors, and never thought any less of them for it,” he gives my hand a gentle reassuring squeeze, “because no one is untouchable. You aren’t weak for being hurt.”

“I certainly don’t feel very strong either,” the slight tremble in my voice betrays that fact all too well.

“No one does, not when they’re in this much pain." his thumb gently bushes mine in a soothing motion, "It’s nothing to be ashamed of, especially after everything you’ve lived through.”

I just look on into the fire, not knowing what to say. I know he’s telling the truth, I know he is the last person in the world who would ever think less of me for even a display as pathetic as this, but it still feels pathetic nonetheless.

And, I do not think it’s just that… the thought of allowing myself to be so broken, openly, for someone to see -even someone I trust as much as Celeair- just feels so wrong. Terrifying, actually. Weakness and fear go hand in hand for me, where one is the other follows closely behind. If I am weak I am afraid, weakness meant death in Mordor, and it is an instinct that is not easily unlearned. I know that no harm will come to me here, but my heart never seems to believe it. 

“I am not ashamed, I’m just afraid.” I finally croak out, wishing my voice would not so readily betray the fact that I am on the brink of tears. I swallow hard and squeeze my eyes shut, desperately trying to bury the sorrow welling up in my eyes. To my credit, after a few shaky breaths, I manage it.

“Is there anything I might do to help?” he asks.

I pause in thought, I don’t know if there’s anything he can do to make this go away, but… “a hug couldn’t hurt,” I reply sheepishly.

Swiftly but gently Celeair puts his arms around my waist and pulls himself close to me. I instinctively return the hug, wrapping my arms tightly around him desperate to feel his warmth.

…and forgetting that my clothes have not yet had time to dry. “Oh. Now I’ve gone and soaked you too…” I mumble apologetically.

“Oh noo, how horrible,” he says with a soft laugh, laying his head on my shoulder as he snuggles closer to me, completely undeterred by my sopping wet clothes “I suppose we’ll simply have to huddle for warmth then, nothing else to be done about it.” I cannot help but smile slightly at his words. It’s a good thing he doesn't mind, because I do not plan to let go of him anytime soon. It's hard to think about much else when I'm holding him like this.

Everything is finally quiet again.

[maccreadysbaby]

how do I write a character with emetophobia?

Writing Characters with Emetophobia!

from your neighborhood emetophobia haver, aka me!

TW for emetophobia things under the cut (emetophobia is a fear of vomit or vomiting)

so you want your character to have some quirky fear, and the fear of puking is what you landed on! I’m here to tell you what it’s like to have severe emetophobia and what that entails for my life. all of these struggles and symptoms are personal and doesn’t apply to everyone with emetophobia. it is a very individual phobia, this is just how my body and mind reacts

Living with Emetophobia ↴

this post has no real structure, it’s more or less just things that have happened to me. i’ve had this phobia since my inception, so here’s a list of things your characters with emetophobia might do.

Avoiding foods or actions that (probably won’t, but could) trigger sickness: I was terrified to eat anything that contained dairy because — one singular time — I heard that milk makes you throw up if you have a fever and I swore it off from the time I was 8 until I was about 12. I was literally nine years old reading labels in the store for dairy and violently throwing it back on the shelves if it contained it. Not to mention my mother was lactose intolerant (Which I’m not) but seeing her fall at the hands of dairy didn’t make me feel any better about it. During this phase I only ate about three things and you literally couldn’t get me to eat anything else to the point where I was nearly anorexic. Once my friend told me she coughed so hard she threw up and I didn’t let myself cough when I was sick for a long time after. I also ran away from anyone who coughed near me. (I was such a psycho.) Now I will eat most foods given to me, but if something repeatedly offends my stomach, I usually just stop. I’m not so dramatic about it anymore lol. (I am much healthier now, too.)

Literally running away from sick people: I will never forget one time, my brother got sick. I wasn’t even in the same room as him. My mom yelled “maccreadysbaby, can you bring me some wipes?” I did. And as soon as I saw what happened I threw them at her, ran across the house, hid behind the couch, covered my ears and started crying. Another time, my mom informed me that my brother had thrown up while I was not home for a few days, and I avoided him like the plague. Literally like I would die if I touched him. My parents stopped telling me if my siblings got sick while I was away after that. When I was in gradeschool, a classmate got sick on a Tuesday and I was fine for the rest of the week. Then I puked on Saturday. For years afterwards, if I was ever around a sick person, I’d always count four days and if I didn’t throw up on day four, finally relax. (Again, I was such a psycho.) This instinct is still here as an adult. For example, my sister just recently thought she was gonna get carsick (while I was in the back with her) and let me tell you I was so squished up to my door I couldn’t breathe. I still sort of do the day counting thing if I’m completely honest, but I’m not so terrified and incessant about it.

Thinking that they’re sick all the time: This was a terribly big thing for me. For a span of 5ish years, at the same time I swore off dairy, I basically categorized myself as gonna throw up all of the time, even when I was perfectly freaking fine. I woke up, assumed I would puke that day, because why wouldn’t I, and triggered my anxiety. Which would actually trigger stomachaches and stuff. I would sit on the stairs and beg and cry until my parents let me stay home from school, and we almost had to go to court for the amount of school I was missing because I pulled this crap every day. This phase of my life only ended when my mom took me to the doctor (while I was literally fine) and made him tell me I was just anxious and not actually going to puke. (As you can see, I was a very fun child to raise.) I don’t behave this way anymore, but if my stomach does hurt for some reason, I immediately spiral into oh SHITE not HAPPENING territory.

Have debilitating anxiety: This is one of the things on this list that still happens to me regularly. If my stomach hurts in any capacity (even on my period) I am immediately thrusted into I’m gonna freaking puke mode. I get really cold, start sweating, start trembling (like, shake the whole couch trembling) and just sit there while my anxiety eats my brain. I can’t move because some part of me thinks moving an inch is going to make me puke. No matter how much I tell myself you’re fine, you’re not going to puke, this happens to you every day and you haven’t thrown up since you were twelve, you’re being so dramatic, it doesn’t stop. I just have to sit there and wallow in my pain and anxiety until my stomach stops hurting. Then I laugh at myself for being stupid and move on, even though I routinely worry about it coming back throughout the day. If it does I rinse and repeat. If I do puke (which I fortunately haven’t done since I was twelve) I can confidently say there’d be a lot of crying and minimal screaming about how I’m gonna die.

Here’s a recent (as of literally this morning) emetophobic thought pattern for you to analyze, to help you understand what your characters minds might be doing when they’re freaking out:

I received a text that my cousin, who I saw last night, was throwing up. I was still asleep but I woke up and checked my phone anyways. This was my exact thought process.

oh SHITE I was around him, wasn’t I? Well, I guess not a lot, he spoke to me a few times and I was near him at the campfire, but I maybe not enough to make me sick. But you know who was around him? My freaking sister. And if she gets sick there’s no hope for me. oh my GOD does my stomach hurt right now? I think it does. Wait, shut up, maccreadysbaby, you’re being stupid. Think about something else and go back to sleep. Why are you SHAKING stop being so pathetic. Your stomach totally hurts right now. You have plans today maccreadysbaby you can NOT get sick you can NOT be the reason your plans are canceled. I’m totally going to throw up today as life’s way of spiting me. Shut up and go to sleep, you weren’t even around him. But I WAS we ALL were, sitting across the table doesn’t count as being far away. Maybe he just got carsick or has acid reflux or something. Today is Saturday so if I make it to Wednesday I should be fine. But what if I ACTUALLY throw up I don’t even want to think about it oh my God what if I do? Okay, you’re fine, shut up and go back to sleep.

I went back to sleep (eventually) and woke up twice more to go through that entire process again before my alarm went off. It’s basically that on repeat every time I hear of a sick person or my stomach hurts. Fun times 😬👍.

[theburnoutgiftedkid]

Holy Shit

Pairing: Steve Harrington x pregnant!Reader, sprinkle of Nancy x Jonathon and Robin x Vickie

Summary: The kids, who are now of legal drinking age, are home for the holidays. Steve and Reader have big news to share with the gang and they decide Robin is just right to do the job. Also Eddie teaching kids swear words lol

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Reader referred to as she/her, talk of pregnancy, Steve being protective, fluff fluff fluff, use of Y/N once, mention of eating, swear words, I don’t think any specific holiday is mentioned, let me know if I missed anything

A/N: this is the first thing I’ve written in a hot second so I cannot promise good quality :’(

———————

“Where is your scarf?” You heard your boyfriend ask. Ever since you both found out you were pregnant, twins to be exact, he was doting on you every second of the day. “What about your gloves. I think I saw them on the end table. Wait here, I’ll get them. The heat is on, so just adjust it how you-“

“Steve,” you said calmly, a slightly amused expression on your face. He paused and looked at you with his brows furrowed and a worried look on his face.

“What? Are you okay? Are the babies okay? Are you sick? I can call Nance and just-“

“Steve!” You giggled as he patted you down. Your un-gloved hands circled around his wrists to stop him. “I am fine. The babies are fine. You’re worrying again. My scarf is in the backseat because the heat is blasting. Also we’re late.”

“Oh,” he looked down at his watch, seeing that you both were, as you said, a whopping twenty minutes late for the holiday dinner at the Wheelers/Byers. “Shit. Okay. I’m gonna grab the gloves and then we’ll head out.”

Before you can tell him that you don’t need the gloves, he’s carefully jogging back into the apartment building leaving you in his red BMW where you had just sat for the better half of twenty minutes. You rolled your eyes with a smile and rolled your window up. He’s back down five minutes later, sliding into the driver seat and placing the black gloves into your purse.

“Okay baby, you buckled?” He checks you over for the nth time, finding you happily strapped into your seat. “Alright, let me know if you want to just go back home or if-“

“Steve Harrington, if you don’t start driving, I am going to throw you out of this vehicle and drive myself,” you deadpanned.

“Copy that, driving now.”

On the way, you put your hand on the center console where he usually took your hand immediately. Steve didn’t this time, claiming that he needed two hands on the wheel just to keep you and his babies safe. You pinched his arm, to which he moved his arm out of the way, taking one hand off the wheel.

“Oh look! We didn’t crash!” You said with fake enthusiasm before offering your hand out to him again. “Hold my hand.”

He grumbled a little, but took your hand, pressing a kiss to the back with a smile. You understood his nerves, appreciated the doting and constant attention. You weren’t married or even engaged, not to mention the small apartment that was just big enough for you two, let alone another two. But you and Steve, though it was unexpected, we’re overjoyed to be starting a family together. You knew that he’d always wanted kids and you were also worried that it was a little early to dive into this, but Steve would be the best dad. You could both make this work.

“Alright, do you need me to get the buckle?” Steve asked, hand already reaching for it. You swatted it away and hopped out of the car before he could react. He quickly circled the car, grabbing your purse on the way out and looking you over. “Baby! What if you slipped getting out? You can’t scare me like that!”

“I’m barely pregnant, Steve,” you chuckled, a hand tasting on you stomach while the other laced with one of his. “I’m an adult, I think I can handle unbuckling myself.”

“Okay, sorry,” he kissed your forehead softly. “Let’s go.”

You got about halfway down the driveway before you remembered the drinks in the backseat, “Oh, Steve! The cider! It’s still in the back.”

He hesitated for a second as you glanced back at the car, a good 15 feet away. You looked back and said, “I don’t want to walk that far. You get it.”

Steve’s face lit up and he quickly kissed you and ran back to the car. You laughed lightly before he came back and you both made it into the house, being greeted immediately by Dustin and Eddie.

“Jesus I thought you guys had ditched us,” Eddie pulled you into a hug before helping you shed you jacket while Steve gave Dustin a his own hug now that he was back from college. “You look great, by the way. You cut your hair or something?”

“Or something,” you replied cheekily.

“The Harringtons are here!” Dustin called out, immediately followed by a small stampede of now college kids. Steve huffed as each of the kids practically barreled into you to hug you, Dustin being the first. “How’s it going? He pop the question yet?”

“No,” you laughed, squeezing him tightly before pulling away. “No ring just yet. You’ve still got time to woo me.”

You happily greeted the other kids, noticing Steve getting more and more anxious with the amount of tight embraces. At last, Nancy and Jonathon’s little girl, a sweet four year old, ran up and held onto your leg.

“Oh my goodness! You’ve gotten so big Ashley!” You put your hand on her head as she giggled. “You know I think in a few years, you’ll be taller than Uncle Steve.”

She giggled happily and made grabby hands, so you picked her up and put her on your hip. Steve quickly jumped in and took her, Ashley easily adjusting and babbling on to Steve.

“Makes you think, huh?” Nancy came in with a rounded belly.

“Sorry?”

“Steve, kids, you know?” She smiled at you. Your face reddened and you waved her off. “I’m telling you, he’s made to be a dad. Whenever you both decide it’s time, assuming you want kids, I think he’ll be wonderful.”

You all migrated to the dining room and ate, chatting and catching up on the new developments. Dustin was having the time of his life at MIT, Lucas got a basketball scholarship at a school in Chicago, Eddie had finally opened his mechanic shop on Main Street, and Robin and Vickie were officially moving in together.

Speaking of Robin, she was uncharacteristically quiet. Almost as if she were biting her tongue. You caught her eye multiple times but she always snapped her head in the opposite direction and stuffed something into her mouth.

“So-“

“Steve’s pregnant!” The table was silent and everyone turned to look at Robin, “I’m sorry, I just can’t keep my mouth shut which both of you know which is why I was wondering why you even told me since I can never shut up but I cannot live one more second keeping this a secret especially from Vic because she knows when I’m keeping secrets so she’s been suspicious all week and-“

“You’re pregnant?!” Dustin exclaimed, looking over at you.

You looked over at Steve, who smiled and took your hand under the table. See, the two of you couldn’t figure out how to tell them, so Steve had the bright idea of telling Robin under the guise that you and him each told one person and he had chosen her. You both knew it was only a matter of time before she spilled the news.

“Yeah, I am,” you smiled over at Dustin. Everyone erupted in congratulations and laughed happily with you.

“What happened to time to woo?” Dustin jested, sending a smile your way.

“So… do you know yet?” Nancy asked, pouring herself some more cider.

“Not yet, no,” Steve answered, squeezing your hand. “But the Doctor said the babies are healthy and doing just fine.”

“The what?” Eddie’s jaw dropped. You laughed as Steve confirmed that you were eating for three. “Holy shit! Two more Harringtons?!”

“What’s shit?” Ashley pulled on Eddie’s sleeve. His face paled as Jonathon and Nancy both glared at him.

“Uh, ask your parents,” he deflected, looking back at you and Steve. “Anyway, the Harringtons are pregnant! Yay! Let’s talk about that!”

Ashley whispered to Eddie, who had to bend down for her to reach his ear. She asked what that meant so he said, “It means you’re going to have two cousins soon. Uncle Steve and Auntie Y/N are going to have two babies.”

“Oh,” she said, then smiled, “Holy shit!”

“Eddie!”