#on this miserable little ghost on the shore prologue
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
teddywormwood · 1 month ago
Text
1st Aug 85
Dear journal,
I wrote a letter to mum for the first time in years today. A proper one, like how this journal stuff used to be at the start. I told her about everything I could think of since we last spoke the last letter. I don't know what it was, but I woke up and knew I had to. It felt important.
Sometimes I feel like the entire island is holding its breath, waiting for something.
Maybe I'm the one holding my breath.
What am I waiting for?
Yours,
Teddy.
1 note · View note
guozhir · 10 months ago
Text
Chapter 1: On the Bridge (1)
Title: [Unlimited] What is it like being a ghost in a horror story?
Author: Guess who I am
Genre: Spin off - Romance - TV - Modern setting
Tags (up to four): TV fanfic, supernatural, rebirth, unlimited flow
Serialization date: 20Y3/3/17
Licensing information: Not licensed
Status: Serializing
Award: Groundbreaking (Rising Star Ranking)
Synopsis:
In the eighteenth year after my death, I got caught up in a scheme.
PS: Midnight Feast had its grand finale last week, did you guys catch it, my dears? Anyway, this distinguished VIP is ready for the second viewing! Xiaoyu-meimei's acting as Tangtang was so cute, she definitely has a bright future! A work from a small fan, centered around the heroine, supernatural paro, my dears, please support me and express your thoughts~
PPS: The content has little to do with the original plot, so those who have never watched the TV series can read it without worry.
Main character: Tang Guo, water ghost
Chap1 Prologue
Update time: 20Y3-3-17 12:00:00
Summary: Eighteen years after my death, am I...... breathing?
Text:
After drowning, I became a water ghost.
They say, only those who are obsessed with it will not reincarnate after death. They also say, leave when you're supposed to leave. Persistently entangled in the mortal realm for three lifetimes, is it not just wronging others and yourself? I feel that what they say is right. Sometimes I also preach to the other ghosts like this, but everyone knows the logical truth. When I think about myself, I still feel unwilling for no reason.
For what reason am I alone so miserable? What have I done that is so against heaven and reason, that I did not have a good life, nor a good death in the end?
But the Netherworld is more unreasonable than the mortal realm. I can't even think about it. Thinking just brings distracting thoughts. Either way, if my beliefs are not aligned, I cannot reincarnate. I would have to stay in the water, capturing a living person to be my "scapegoat" to escape.
Don't ask why, how should I know? Anyways, only we drowned people have this task, other ghosts don't have to do it. There is a hierarchy of distain for shitting and farting when we are alive. But there are still a variety of ways to die, how unlucky!
However, my conscience is still intact and I'm still rational. I really don't want to do those immoral things, so I chose to become a "vegetarian ghost."
This means, I only drag those who want to die, and are about to die, into the water, helping them and helping me, a win-win situation.
Unfortunately, ideals must be broken.
Every time I see those so-called "in complete despair" people, I wait beside them longingly. But as soon as I pull their feet a little, they start to kick their feet hastily, and some even scream for help. In the end, not only do I fail my task, but I also have to help rescue them. I can't tell whether I'm a ghost or a dolphin, which is outrageous.
But flowers have their blooming season, foods have a shelf life, and the water ghost mission also has a time limit. Legend has it that we have an eighteen-year death limit. If I can't catch a scapegoat within eighteen years, I will turn into foam like the Little Mermaid and submerge in the stinky sewer, unable to be reincarnated.
I didn't take it seriously before. After all, eighteen years is a long time and I've never heard of a loser who couldn't catch a scapegoat in eighteen years. Yet starting from the end of last year, I, who has no nose, suddenly felt like I was slowly rotting and turning smelly. I then realized I was the loser from the legend.
Time was running out, and I later realized that I was getting angry because of my anxiety. But I'm a northern ghost. The water here freezes over in the winter, even the shore is cold. Dogs don't come to pee by the shore, much less people.
The twelfth lunar month, I struggled for a long time, and decided to give up my vegetarian diet. Regardless of whether the other person is alive or dead, I would pull them down as long as they jumped in the water, regardless of whether they regret it or not. After finally making up my mind, no one committed suicide in the twelfth lunar month.
The first lunar month, I got anxious. Using any means necessary, I carved a hole under the ice, preparing to catch anyone skating on outdoors ice. I was done with it, not caring for whether people died or lived.
Yet it turns out no one went ice skating!
After the Lantern Festival, I had no choice but to become a complete freak. I couldn't care less about propriety, justice, and integrity. I wanted a scapegoat!
I was prepared to use the seaweed to drag a living person from the shore as soon as the ice melted. Who knew that when spring had just begun, the damn municipal government would install iron fences by the water again!
Gosh!
Is this my retribution for being a good ghost for eighteen years?
It was getting warmer day by day, and I got more anxious day by day. Entering March, I was nearly in despair because the date of my death was March 17th eighteen years ago. Who knew it would be my death day again eighteen years later!
I got less and less clear-headed; day by day, I felt like I was gradually melting into this pool of stagnant water, and the seaweed no longer obeyed my orders.
Just like eighteen years ago, I drowned again, only this time it was longer and more torturous.
Right when I was at the end of my rope, half dead, I heard a familiar "crash" sound, and the waves brought the smell of life!
I revived like dying embers, almost crying with joy. Someone climbed over the railing and fell into the water!
Soon enough, I rushed over without hesitation, like a starving person who saw a large cake. I didn't even see clearly what person looked like. I impatiently weaved the seaweed around the person's feet, pulling the person down greedily and desperately.
Die, I'm begging you! Just die, I can only live if you die!
However, very quickly, I felt that something was not right. This person didn't resist at all. When I pulled them, they fell straight into the water, sinking like a rock.
Fuck, I thought to myself, they couldn't have already died right?
Then god really is messing with me!
I quickly went closer, only then seeing that the person who had been dragged down by the seaweed was a woman. She had very long hair, was of average height, very thin, almost as if she were paper. When soaked in water, she looked more like a ghost than me.
Suddenly, she opened her eyes, staring straight at me.
That's okay, she was still alive, but before I could relax, I was overwhelmed with horror.
In those pupils...... in those pupils was actually my reflection!
I haven't looked in a mirror since I died, and I came face to face with my own "exceptionally beautiful" face without warning. I was almost scared out of my mind, freezing for a moment. But at that moment, I felt those eyes getting bigger and bigger, getting closer and closer to me......
Then my vision went dark, a long-lost weight pressing down on my head, and cold smelly water rushed into my nose and mouth.
I'm a ghost, what nose and mouth?
But drowning was too painful, and I had no room to think about it at all. I instinctively kicked my legs, kicking away the seaweeds that were tangled all over my body. I struggled towards the shore, climbing up with all my strength, then sneezed loudly.
Wait a minute, I...... sneezed?
Eighteen years after my death, am I...... breathing?
I lowered my head blankly, looking at my dirty hands, dumbfounded.
I seem to have taken over her body.
Us water ghosts...... have this ability?
This woman hadn't eaten in an unknown amount of time; her stomach was pressed against her chest. When the cold wind by the water blew, I felt the long-forgotten hunger and cold.
I was confused at the time: Was she dead or alive? Am I dead or alive?
What exactly was going on with us?
Before I could figure it out, a flashlight swept over me. Someone had spotted me...... her...... ah, ah someone, someone, it's too weird.
The person who discovered me was a security guard who was patrolling at night. He had a very loud voice, being able to be heard from two zhang. People who were walking their dogs, night joggers, people practicing square dancing...... all appeared out of nowhere. He had attracted all of them. A lot of people surrounded me and asked questions.
I haven't spoken to anyone in eighteen years, and I was still struggling to find my voice. But at this moment, my tongue moved on its own.
It was like a squirming worm. I felt sick, subconsciously opening my mouth, and heard myself making a sound.
"I drank too much, and accidentally fell down......"
"I'm okay, thank you, I'm sober now...... I'm clear-headed."
"No need...... no need to call the police...... I live nearby...... the community right there."
I got goosebumps all over my body, shutting my mouth from shock, and the thin and trembling words came to an abrupt stop.
Being struck by five thunders could not even describe the panic I felt at the moment, but the heart in this body's chest was beating calmly, completely out of sync with my mind.
The original owner of this body wasn't dead; she was still here, just stuck with me!
Two souls controlling one body at the same time was a lot worse than a "three legged race" where two people share a leg. If two people stumble around each other in a three legged race, what about our current situation?
The strange thing was, I can control this body rather smoothly. I can speak when I want to speak, and shut up when I want to. I can't feel her panic at all, but if I stop paying attention and loosen my jaw, she will automatically reply to the people around her, and even stand up on her own.
I bit her tongue harshly, tears welling up in my eyes, but she didn't resist at all!
I felt as if I was driving a car on a steep slope; it stops when I step on the breaks, and it drives automatically when I take my foot off!
She wasn't panicked, wasn't afraid of me, didn't reject me, didn't stop me, only holding those unknown motives staring at me...... quietly in the dark.
I should have jumped into the water and downed her immediately, but there were too many spectators, and there were even a few meddling old men and women who said they wanted to call the police, making me break into cold sweat from fear. I'm a pussy 1! I'm scared of light, fire, and Yang energy. There are so many warm living people surrounding me, and I'm already suffocating. I'm afraid that if a few more citizens were call over, would I not just die on the spot?
I was also panicking at the time, only knowing how to repeatedly incoherently say to not call the police, I can just go home.
A passerby couple recognized the original owner of the body, saying that "I" was a resident in their building, and they wanted to give me a ride home.
What skills we water ghosts have can only be used in the water where we drowned, unable to be transferred to other bodies of water. This broken body was both thin and weak; I became panicked and short of breath when I walked to fast, completely unable to get away from these two living people. I had no choice but to be "escorted" by them into a building.
Fortunately, the original owner's body automatically pressed the elevator floor. It wasn't until I got off the elevator that I got rid of the two nosy people, ready to sneak downstairs and return to my territory as soon as they left. Who knew that the second the elevator doors closed, and before I even had the chance to press the button again, a door would suddenly open behind me.
My...... no, the heart in this body of mine thumped, a chill running down my spine.
A head popped out of the open door, a woman, appearing to be twenty-four or five? Or twenty-eight/nine?
I couldn't tell. Her makeup was half done, her face as pale as a freshly painted wall. She had long curly hair, which was dyed reddish brown, and braided into two fluffy braids. Her facial features were memorable, and her figure was also rather nice. I couldn't find fault with her, but she wasn't good-looking at all, because her eyes were sharp and cold, like a snake. As soon as I saw her, I felt the original owner's body tense up, trembling, and what little energy she had almost disappeared.
The woman frowned, dragging me into the apartment: "What madness did you get into, looking like this?"
Her nails were harder and sharper than her head. I could clearly see that those wasn't a hand at all, but a claw covered in human skin.
The claws were arid, cold, and powerful. The strong scent of rose water hit me, hiding the fishy and putrid smell.
Just what monster was this?!
This weird girl could see water ghosts in the water, and there was a yaoguai by her that was not easy to deal with. What on earth have I provoked?!
Also...... we water ghosts typically cannot possess living people. So in this current situation, is it me who has possessed her or...... or has she captured me?!
She did it on purpose, no wonder why she wasn't worried about being possessed by a ghost at all!
"I told you to make a phone call, did you make it yet?" The female monster pulled me into the apartment, leaving me by the door of the bathroom. Then she turned around, continuing to put makeup on while facing the mirror, as if she didn't notice my presence.
I knew that I would never be able to beat her in a fight. Out of fear of being exposed, I didn't dare to speak, hoping the original owner would speak, but the original owner also refused to make a peep.
"Can you do anything?" The female monster seemed used to the original owner's silence, and didn't mind. After putting on lipstick, her gaze drifted from the mirror, and landed on me. She glanced at me, then said with disgust, "Why do you get uglier the older you get?"
The original owner and I, one ghost, one human, continued to not speak.
"Get yourself cleaned up." The female monster with boundless power gave cold orders, "Wash up and put on a facial mask. I'm taking you to dinner with people tomorrow. If you keep acting like that, you better watch out."
I saw faint traces of blood on her teeth and shivered. Before I could think more about it, my legs dragged me to the bedroom towards the south like a ghost, and closed the door.
Temporarily out of sight of the female monster, I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the door, vaguely feeling as if I had forgotten something.
There were no lights on in the dark room. At present, I was attracted to the only source of light. There was a digital alarm clock on the bedside table. It was ticking, displaying that the current time was March 16, 20:08.
My mind buzzed, and I recalled: the 17th was less than four hours away!
There are less than four hours left. If I cannot escape, I will fall into despair!
Comments on this chapter (by reply time):
[Little Miss Dragon] 0 min just now Newcomer topping the list, preserving courtesy. I haven't seen a supernatural work on the list for a long time, good luck big shot!
[Caterpillar No 3] 0 min just now It's a bit scary, not my type of story, sorry.
[Don't be afraid, Tangtang] 0 min 1 day ago A gourmet chef who accidentally opened this calmly clicking x. [My Husband is 2D] replied: Not by accident, you were tricked into it right? The blurb clearly says Midnight Feast fanfic, but the text is of lower quality.
[My Husband is 2D] 2 min just now Writing horror stories under the modern sweet romance genre, shamelessly riding on the popular tag Writing horror stories under the modern sweet romance genre, shamelessly riding on the popular show tag Writing horror stories under the modern sweet romance genre, shamelessly riding on the popular show tag Writing horror stories under the modern sweet romance genre, shamelessly riding on the popular show tag Trash, if you have the ability, then remove my comment again
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[Snow Skin Rice Cake] 5h 2 min ago Sending 3 [roses] to the author
[Gourmet food never surrenders] 5h 0 min ago ??? can the gourmet chefs who were lied to by the tag gather here, what does this work have to do with our sweet drama? [Sugar sugar sugar sugar] replied: Arriving +1 [kkrtt] replied: +2 [Little Miss Dragon] replied: +3 [Don't be afraid, Tangtang] replied: +10086
[Crayon] 1 day 0 min ago A supernatural suspense novel? [Tang Guo waifu wait for me] replied to [Crayon]: It's a Midnight Feast fanfic, I don't know what paro it is, respected author write more ah [Sugar sugar sugar sugar] replied to [Tang Guo waifu wait for me]: Nope, the gourmet kitchen is withdrawing, sister read the text, it has nothing to do with Midnight Feast, this is purely for traffic.
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[kkrtt] 1 day 0 min ago This is a fan? How weird.
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[Everything is fishy] 1 day 2 min ago Sending 1 [rose] to the author
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[Wangchai Mom] 1 day 0 min ago Oh my, this comment section is so bloody. This author is better than Nezha!
[Unripe] 1 day 2 min ago Sending 19 [roses] to the author
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[Eating without a word] 1 day 2 min ago Sending 1 [rose] to the author
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[This comment has been reported and removed]
[Vinegary Sophia] 1 day 2 min ago Sending 3 [roses] to the author
More >>>
Footnotes
1 priest uses the term 陰物 which refers to female genitalia
1 note · View note
weirwoodsea · 7 years ago
Text
Throbb Secret Santa Gift for @thespiritofeon
AO3 LINK 
I am so so SO very sorry it took me so long to post this! I hope you like it! @averythrobbxmas @robb-greyjoy
In silent screams and wildest dreams, I never dreamed of this
Prologue
Reek’s broken body was pulled and stretched in the tide as if he were a doll made of cloth. This is what it is. He thought. This is what it means to die. Torrents of water covered him, burning through his nostrils and into his lungs as the relentless drowning machine of the tide thrashed him in it’s cycle of watery destruction. The salt water was unforgiving and it stung his human skin with numbing coldness. There was no longer seal fur to cover and warm him, not since the master had taken his skin. Reek remembered that fire burns as well as ice but so does salt. So does salt. He used all of strength to try to move his limbs but they were as crippled by the waves as they had been by the master’s tortures. The sea pulled him back, pounding and punishing him for escaping his master, for having the audacity to return to the ocean without his skin. The massive curl breaking him with a heaving crash until the waves, like great water wings, spread wide and then enclosed him in their merciless grip. He whispered “Robb…” with his last breath before plunging down beneath the waves.
Robb
“Nor chains of love...” Robb muttered to himself as he sat vigil by the half drowned man who had washed up on their shores earlier that afternoon.
“What are you saying Da?”
Robb met his young daughter’s eyes, like blue piercing mirrors of his own. But her hair was dark, as her mother’s had been before her death.
“Don’t worry yourself, Theona,” Robb said. “I was just thinking about something old mother Nan had told me about selkies. Old Nan. She was still alive, weaving her tales and warnings, ancient as the sea and sand itself. So many lives lost- his parents, his brothers, and yet Old Nan remained.
After another brief silence, young Theona asked expectantly, “Well then? What did she say?” Robb smiled sadly at his daughter. “She told me… that once a selkie finds it’s skin again, neither chains of steel nor chains of love can keep them from the sea.”
“The man is a selkie!?” Theona gasped, standing up and coming closer to get a better look at the unfortunate soul. “But he is so ugly!?” She exclaimed, so engrossed in looking at Theon that she didn’t notice her father wince violently at her words. “In old Nan’s stories, the selkie men were always handsome. And no woman can resist their charms…” she looked around, “If he is a selkie, where is his skin?”
“Bedtime.” Robb barked at his daughter, perhaps more sharply than he should have. She was only a wee lassie after all, living alone with a sad, distant father, surrounded by ghosts.
When Robb had seen his daughter to bed, he came back to where Theon was lying by the fire. Ugly…. Theon? True, his old friend had obviously been badly hurt. That was an understatement in fact. The horrific scars that covered his body were painful to think about much less look at. Robb had had to send Theona out of the room while he and Old Nan dressed his wounds. Some teeth had also been knocked out and his hair was now white as bone. But ugly? From the moment Robb had first met the captured selkie boy to now, Theon had never been anything but beautiful to him.
Robb reached out a timid hand and touched Theon’s scarred cheek. The same cheek he had kissed, the night he had watched Theon leave. Robb had found Theon’s sealskin… tucked back in a secret truck hidden amongst the cobwebs and ghosts. He had run to his friend immediately after finding it and handed it over. He’d always been like that, he thought bitterly. Doing things he thought would make Theon happy with little thought to the consequences. Little thought to how it would affect him or his family. Loyal to a fault. Loyal and stupid and so so in love with the wild selkie boy. Robb’s eyes eyes filled with traitorous tears. “You promised you would come back,” he whispered, broken. “You promised…”
Reek
Reek kept his eyes shut, as consciousness gradually broke upon him... he was aware of the warmth surrounding him and the softness- the impossible softness of blankets and furs, and the crackling of a fire. The familiar sounds of a home that was never quite his… He was afraid to open his eyes and find himself where he thought he might be but he was more afraid to open his eyes and find that he was not there.
Finally, drawing bravery from the memory of a selkie who used to be called Theon, he peeled his eyes open and Robb’s concerned, freckled face loomed before him. Reek felt his chest filling with something like the memory of joy as he beheld him. The emotion was as foreign as it was alarming, but he wanted to go on feeling it. And for the only time in his brief life, Reek smiled. The smile was completely inappropriate. Robb would want to kill him of course- for all Theon had done. Theon had betrayed him, his only friend. Theon had betrayed Robb’s family when he deserted them and left them to sail the treacherous seas without the protection that owning a selkie afforded them.
Reek knew he would be punished for smiling, punished for remembering Theon, but he could not stop, even as his broken teeth distorted his face and his eyes filled with tears that flowed down into his mouth. He had never dared to dream that he would see Robb again. Robb… he had forgotten everything while the master had his skin, but not Robb. Robb was a name he could never forget or forsake. He always knew Robb’s name even if he could’t remember his own. He knew he shouldn’t be smiling. He knew he should be bowing his head, begging forgiveness, offering his miserable life in payment for his wrongs- what was left of it anyway. But all he could do was lie there smile at Robb. Smiling in pure relief. Smiling at his death.
Theona
The strange man made Da happy and that was all that mattered. He was very timid and agitated around her. He never spoke to her unless she asked him something. The first thing she asked him was his name.
“My name is Theona, what is yours?”
“… R-Reek, miss.”
“Reek?” She wrinkled her nose. I’ve never heard anyone with that name before… nobody has my name either.  It is like Fiona but with a “th” she put her tongue between her teeth to make the sound for him. Da says he named me after his favorite brother who was lost at sea. Da said he was a selkie. Selkie’s can never die though because they are already dead. They are the souls of the drowned men. Most of our family drowned in a shipwreck… Old mother Nan says that Da is surrounded by ghosts of our family…” Theona said with a solemness more appropriate for a child much older than her seven years. At the man’s stricken look, she reached out and touched his gnarled hand. “It’s alright. I like your name. It rhymes with speak.”
After that day, she followed “Mister Reek" around everywhere, insisting that he lean on her if he needed help walking and prattling on to him in the magical language of childhood. If he was disturbed by her constant presence, he never dared to say anything, but accepted it without complaint as if he were afraid to reject it.
Mister Reek had horrible nightmares, they woke Theona on many a night and she would creep into her Da’s room to see him coaxing the trembling man back from whatever demons had their hold on him as he murmured his constant apologies. He often asked for her father to kill him during these times, but Da just held him close, kissing and smoothing back his white hair.
But there were happy times as well. Da laughed much more and no longer paced on the beach at night searching longingly for the ghosts Old Nan said plagued him. He was more successful at his work, bringing home teams of fresh fish from the sea that she and Mother Nan would clean and cook. Theona’s favorite times were when the three of them would walk on the beach together and Theona would run forward, laughing and collecting more sea shells than she could carry to bring home to old mother Nan who was cooking them dinner. Sometimes she would run into the water with Da and they would dance and play in the salty spray. Reek never came close to the water, he always hung back. But he would look at them with a mournful longing, a quiet, mysterious smile tugging at his lips.
“Will Mister Reek stay forever?” She asked Da as he tucked her in at night. Da would just smile sadly and tell her to get some sleep. But his eyes would turn sad, as if she had just awoken him from a beautiful dream.
Robb
In spite of the cold, Theon was outside, wrapped in fur and staring out into the vast expanse of the dark winter sea. Robb approached cautiously, bending to build a fire for them. If Theon insisted on staying outside, he didn’t have to freeze to death.
Theon didn’t turn to look at Robb, but kept his eyes trained on a small form in the waves. “Asha,” he murmured to Robb. “It’s Midwinter night… a time that my people are believed to be able to transform into their seal like form and come back home to the sea. She is waiting for Theon. She is the only one who waits for Theon,” he said regret thick in his voice.”
Robb let the silence penetrate, groping madly for the right words to say. When they came out finally, they were clumsy and stumbling. “Are you going to leave. Will you return again to the sea? Theon…”
“Not Theon! Reek,” Theon Reek looked straight at Robb now, his eyes desperate.
“Alright… Reek,” Robb said, but it felt like acid on his tongue. “Theona is so fond of you. You fit here with us. We could make a life here. Like we always talked about before… and there is no one left to tell us it’s wrong.” Robb realized that was the wrong thing to say as Theon Reek cringed and curled back into himself. “Theon- sorry, Reek. It was not your fault that my parents were ship wrecked. We had no right to keep you with us. Your protection was not owed to us. I do not blame you anymore. I never should have.” it felt odd to admit that his parents had been in the wrong. He’d always thought of them as so honorable But how honorable is it to capture a young boy and force him to serve them and keep them safe from the perils of the sea? They had used a young boy for their own safety. Where was the honor in that? “Please,” he found himself begging. “Theona will be heartbroken if you go…”
“I shouldn’t be around her Robb,” Theon said suddenly, venom and bitter sorrow in his voice. “I shouldn’t be around any children. I- I killed mine.”
The silence was deafening as Robb let Theon’s revelation wash over him. “What do you mean?” He finally asked in a small voice.
“Exactly what it sounds like,” he spat out, but his face was twisted with remorse and he couldn’t meet Robb’s eyes. “There was a fisherman’s widow who came to the shore… she cried seven tears into the water and I came forth to comfort her- as I did for your mother those many years ago when she cried for your father to return home. But I was a man grown when I met the fisherman’s widow and she needed a man to warm her bed, not protection for her husband. I shed my skin a few times to lie with her, to keep her from loneliness- myself as well. But one time I wasn’t careful and she stole my skin. She wanted me to stay and be a father to her son, Jack. I didn’t mind staying. She had a lively sense of humor and Jack… I grew to love him very much,” he said very quietly “And I didn’t really have a reason to return to my family… they never truly saw me as a seal again once I returned to them. They could understand me being a selkie but, most selkies aren’t taken as children. They don’t live with humans for such a prolonged time, especially the men. When I returned home, there was too much I did not understand about their ways. I tried to prove myself to them. Tried to prove I no longer cared about my human life or my human… human family,” the last word sounded strangled. I promised you I would return to visit you and I didn’t. I… I could have protected your family’s voyages but I took my charms away… I thought you were on that ship, I thought you’d died with them. After that, I knew I’d chosen wrong. I started coming back on land more. I knew you were dead but… I suppose I still thought I would see you again.” he inhaled sharply the memories like a knife.
Robb nodded and clasped Theon’s hand. Jeyne has been laboring with Theona at the time. He hadn’t wanted to leave her to travel with his family. Theon took a breath and went on. "Eventually my the fisherman's widow bore another boy. Billy. We were happy for years… I thought I was a good father to them. I tried to be good. But one day… the boys brought me my skin.” He paused again. Swallowing down his tears. Robb remembered the look  on Theon’s face when he hd give his skin back to him those many years ago. The look was one of complete longing mixed with utter sadness. “You can’t understand what it is like, to belong to both worlds. When selkie are in the ocean, we long to walk on land. But we were not meant to live here, to be human for prolonged periods of times. When we touch our seal skin again… it’s like taking a breath after living in a cell with no air.  You can’t stay with those you’ve grown to love, even if you want to. Even if you wish you could. There is a tide inside you, calling you that will not let you be. I explained to the children that I had to go back to the sea but that I would visit them and make sure they were alright. I really intended to do that,” Theon’s eyes bore into Robb.
Robb nodded, “I believe you,” he said.
“I slipped my skin back on and began my swim,” Theon continued. “It felt so good to be back in my skin, back in the salt sea… I could already hear Asha calling to me, but then I saw my boys swimming after me.” Theon had to stop again and choke back a sob. “If I had been a woman I could have taken them with me. When a female selkie carries a human baby, the baby is formed differently. They can survive in the ocean as long as they are with their mothers. But the boys. I had not carried them in my body. They were fully human… I didn’t turn around… I ignored them. I thought that they were going to have enough sense to give up and turn around if I gave them no encouragement. But… the tide was viscious that day…”
Robb tentatively put his arms around Theon and after a moment, Theon let himself relax into his embrace.
“After that, I didn’t feel right returning to the sea… I would come out too often trying to fuck the pain away with fishwives and sailors. Anyone who would have me… I was reckless with my skin… and then I met… the master…” Theon lips began moving wordlessly and his eyes looked blankly out into the sea. Robb held him still in his arms. He could see Theon’s seal sister clearly now. He tightened his hold around Theon as if to exert his dominance and keep protected from her, even though he knew he couldn’t.
“He burned my skin. So I could never return to the sea. He made me watch him burn it. I almost died, the pain was so great.” Robb could only stare at Theon, mouth agape. So that explained the scars covering Theon’s emaciated body- scars that looked as if his skin had been brutally ripped off of him. Robb swallowed to keep himself from retching. “I wasn’t a selkie anymore. I will never be one again. I am not Theon anymore. Theon died that day. Theon deserved everything that happened to him. He betrayed people he loved to save his own skin. He deserved to lose it. He deserved to be Reek. Reek never betrayed a friend. Reek never let his sons die…”
Theon buried his head into Robb and sobbed against him. “You shouldn’t worry about me leaving,” Theon said. “I can’t swim anymore. “It’s not my choice to leave or stay. It’s yours. Though I don’t know why you would want me now after you know everything, I’ve done. I wouldn’t.”
“Shhhh…” Robb said as he brushed back Theon’s brittle hair and kissed his forehead. “I want you. I want you now and always.”
Theon
Robb must have carried him to bed after his confession. Reek woke up when it was still dark with memories of the night before that belonged to Theon. Robb’s mouth capturing his again and again, his tongue exploring and prodding him, sweet and insistent. Filling him up with his warmth and his seed that tasted like salt on Theon’s tongue. Robb hadn’t minded how he had looked. He’d kissed every scar… Reek curled into himself, filled with equal parts of shame and pleasure at the memories.
He heard old Nan singing off key as she made breakfast in her lilting, slightly annoying voice. “Either death or yourself you will find in the sea… Either death or yourself you will find in the sea…” So many dead and forgotten, yet that old bat continues to live, bleating her inane songs into eternity he thought. He froze when he realized that was something that Theon would think.
He rose from Robb’s warm bed. Something was wrong. Apart from Old Nan’s song, the cabin felt entirely to quiet. Empty... Asha had been near the shore last night…
Before he had the terrifying thought he was already pulling his clothes on and before he got his clothes on, he was already stumbling out the door as Old Nan’s shrill voice followed him, “You’ll find me in the sea in the sea… in the deep dark sea.”
He could see the struggling forms of Robb and Theona in the waves as he ran down the beach. He realized Theona must have gone in, perhaps intrigued by the form of his seal sister dancing in the waves, and Robb was trying to pull her back and getting sucked out himself. “Curse you Asha,” he shouted as he ran… another child’s death and it’s your fault he thought as the salt spray leapt up around him burning his skin and his eyes. What are you doing? You are worthless. They are more likely to die with you trying to help. He tripped and fell as he ran into the break, but caught himself by beginning to swim. Swim… he was swimming…
He pushed ahead, emptying his mind of anything until he reached out and grabbed Robb by the arm. The waves pushed and pulled them mercilessly but he managed to hang on. “I’ve got you!” He shouted at Robb. “I’ve got you, grab her!” It felt like an age where the three of them struggled to hold on to each other. Finally Robb managed to grasp Theona’s fingers.
Theon pulled with all his might, pulling them to land, to breath to safety. The waves pounded and thrashed them as they were washed to the shore. Theona collapsed when her feet touched the shore. And she threw up water and coughed and cried. Robb began yelling at her enraged in his fear. “What were you thinking? You could have drowned! You could have drowned!”
Theona tried to stand but her legs were like the sand beneath her and she collapsed again crying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…” her eyes wide and fearful, staring at nothing. Theon crawled over to her and touched her cheek. “It’s alright,” he told her kindly, “It’s not your fault, don’t fret. You know me. I’m Theon, you remember.” He hadn’t realized he had referred to himself as Theon until he looked up and saw the tears of relief and love shining in Robb’s eyes. A moment later, Theona’s little wet arms were around his neck and Robb was embracing him as well. Feeling a little child’s body so close to him made him weep for Jack and little Billy. The sons he had failed to save. Billy had been so very small the first night he had held him in his arms. The night he swore he’d protect him now and always. The memory made him want to run and hide himself from the smiling faces of Robb and Theona. But instead, he swallowed a wretched sob and put his unworthy arms around them both. The dawn broke gently on the little family, huddled on the shore where the land meets the sea.
29 notes · View notes