#on the plus side I finished women in love today

[euridise]

Getting by

[auspicioustidings]

Flinch

Summary: You thought you would die trying the day you tried to escape your abusive husband, but destiny has other plans. Words: 5.2k TWs: domestic abuse, rape

(I read this book months ago, forgot all about it and today it burrowed into my head again and I assume caused this so if you wanna read a good version of this concept I'd recommend it!)

You would die trying today. You had to. 

The 20 week scan had been yesterday and while your husband was away on a work trip he would return this evening. You knew your bodyguard had already told him that the baby inside you was a girl. He did not want a girl. You shook at the memory of when he left 3 days ago.

He had taken you on your hands and knees, no less cruel in how he did it than before you were pregnant, and told you about how his son would be his legacy. His hot, wet breath had been in your ear as he spilled inside of you. You’d better give me a son, wife. If you misbehave and grow a female I’ll need to fuck myself into your womb to get rid of the little slut and try again.

The baby had saved you the most severe beatings the last 4 months, but your husband found other ways to torture you. You could barely even look at your guard anymore knowing that he had been witness to the week your husband had made you spend in an open room penned in by glass. It had been a luxurious prison cell where everybody could see your every move, the bathroom facilities not hidden from view at all and your body on full display. He said it was so they could make sure you were healthy and happy during your pregnancy and then he had fucked your arse in front of his men and smacked you hard across the cheek when he was finished for being such a cry baby. 

He would certainly beat you black and blue for failing to bear him a son. But you didn’t really care about that, you had agreed to be his wife 6 years ago when you were 17 and thought he had hung the stars. But this baby who at first you had hated you had come to love. He would kill her. He would kill any of her sisters after her. You could take any punishment he gave you, maybe you’d get lucky and he’d finally kill you, but your daughter deserved a chance to live. 

So you would do something you had not done since your 3rd attempt 5 years ago had ended with broken ribs, a broken nose and a concussion that had made you dizzy and sick for months after. You were going to try and leave. 

It would be difficult. Your guard was loyal to your husband and never flinched at his treatment of you, so you did not expect help from him. Your left leg hadn’t quite healed right after it had been hurt a few weeks ago during a particularly rough fulfilment of your marital duties so you couldn’t put weight on it very well. 

Plus you knew you were ugly now. Your eyes had sunken in and were smudged underneath with purple from too many sleepless nights. One side of your face was mottled with bruises. The rest of your body was too thin but for your protruding stomach and covered in marks. You remembered your father yelling at you about beauty being the only thing women were worth when you were a child. Your parents had been happy when you got engaged to such a wealthy man and you had not heard from them since the day they handed you over. You had been pretty then. You wondered how disgusted your father would be with how you looked now. He certainly wouldn’t help you in such a state.

There wasn’t much time. Your guard was stuck to your side but for one hour in the afternoon where you were expected to thoroughly clean yourself and prepare yourself for your husband's return. The rules of that never changed regardless of your condition. You would spend the hour making yourself perfect, your holes clean and ready, your skin soft and fragrant, your hair braided how he liked it and a thin nightgown perfectly draping on your body. If he found fault with you then you could expect a great deal of pain before he brought in his men to redo the whole process. It was not pleasant when they did it. 

The fear made your mouth dry. Not only would you be punished for trying to escape, but you would be found lacking in your appearance and preparation and that would carry its own punishment. You could not do this.

A kick from your daughter argued that you could and it spurred you into action. This was it, your last chance to save her. 

–

“I’m gaggin’ for a pint.”

Ghost snorted a laugh.

“You’re always gagging for something Johnny” he quipped, Gaz elbowing Soap teasingly while Price just rolled his eyes from behind the wheel.

“You’ll behave back there. This truck has a no gagging on anything rule in place. Bunch of bloody moppets” he barked.

The Captain was mostly just glad to be heading back home. Some therapist would have a field day with him considering home to be a small off-the-record safe house on the edges of a tiny fishing village, but then he was sure they would quit long before he had gotten to that part with the amount of shite he had been through. 

His team had their own flats dotted around the UK, but they seemed to prefer to spend most of their down time together in the safe house. Maybe one day they would all admit that the safe house was just their actual house now, but it was unlikely to be anytime soon. It was still spartan after all, looking drab from the outside and as regimented and dull as any other military base on the inside. Not really homey. Garrick had sincerely attempted to start a little vegetable garden last year but it had been a resounding failure, meaning the little cottage was surrounded by weeds that choked the path. At this point the locals probably thought it was haunted. 

It was still a long way off. Two more hours to base where they could switch out the army issued truck for his own modern and well kept pick up and MacTavish’s frankly ridiculous little hatchback that should really not be able to handle the country roads leading to the safe house but was somehow still kicking. He swore he was some sort of car witch.

“Don’t worry Captain, I’m too classy to have a gag reflex!” Gaz shouted over to him with Soap snickering in the background.

“That right? Lieutenant.”

Price laughed at the carnage happening in the back of the truck as Ghost pounced on Gaz and tried to shove fingers down his throat to get him to gag while Soap took Gaz’s side as he almost always did when it came to a fight with Ghost and tried to fight him off. The rough housing in the back at least kept them occupied for a little bit while Price lit up a cigar.

He wasn’t paying as much attention to the road as he ought to, but then this stretch of road was almost always empty. They were more or less in the middle of nowhere, the nearest civilisation being some fancy gated community out past the right side of the forest this road cut through. 

Only 5 hours to go now and at least 3 of those would be done in his much more comfortable truck with climate control and not this tin can. 

Ghost chuckled as Johnny grabbed at Gaz’s top, trying to pull him back into the truck as Ghost was shoving him out. Poor Gaz’s top half was dangling precariously out the back and he could barely breathe through the wheezing laughter. Ghost was someone with fast instincts, so he felt Gaz tense and was immediately on guard even before the man yelled out and started scrambling to launch himself out of the back of the truck and onto the road before Price had a chance to properly stop the thing. 

“Stop the truck!”

“Bloody hell, Garrick get your arse back in here!” Price yelled and cursed as he brought the truck to a stop a little ahead of where Gaz had jumped out.

Ghost had a hand locked around Soap’s nape, the Lieutenant knowing if he didn’t keep the man grounded he would be out of this truck and by Gaz’s side without even stopping to check for danger. Price trusted him enough that he stayed put, watching the two of them who were watching out the back to see what Garrick did.

–

There was a man on the road. You were so sore and so tired, your adrenaline nearly exhausted. You had gotten so close, the road was right there. But he was one of your husband's you thought. Not one you recognised, but the casual clothes with military gear was just like your guards. 

The choice now was how hard to fight. It hardly felt like you could fight anymore, but somewhere in the woods you had made the decision that you were not going back. Better you die with your daughter than allow her to die alone. You hoped this man was ruthless and efficient about it, that he made this quick. You had to make sure he killed you. You were not going back. 

“Hey, it’s ok, I’m not going to hurt you. My name’s Kyle and I can help. Are you hurt?”

He sounded painfully kind and that felt unfair. It had been so long since you had been afforded kindness, why now? Maybe this was your last meal. 

“I- I won’t go back” you said, screwing up your courage and trying to stand as straight and strong as you could with the exhaustion and pain blanketing your body. 

The man slowly moved one hand to take off his cap while the other was stretched open in front of him. He was showing you he wasn’t armed you thought as his cap was put on the ground and he raised his other hand to show it was also empty and crouched a little lower than his full height. 

“Ok, I’m not going to make you go back anywhere. I just want to help” he said, gentle.

Throughout the years you had learned not to trust. When you were 10 and your mother had promised you a birthday party but then spent the money on a night out to the pub for her and your father instead. When you got your first period and you asked your father what you should do but he just smacked you for telling him something so disgusting. When your husband promised he would be gentle on your wedding night and it wouldn’t hurt, but he broke both promises. When a maid promised to help you escape but instead told your guard your plan. Your husband had fucked her in front of you while you were laying unable to move from the beating. You had never seen him be so gentle.

You so wanted to trust someone and not have it backfire. Just once. Just enough to give you some hope that your daughter could have a good life with people who would look out for her. But when he shuffled a little closer you flinched and stepped back. It was too hard to try and trust him. 

The movement put you more in the dappled early evening sunlight. It would be dark soon. 

– 

Kyle fought to keep himself relaxed even when the light revealed what he had missed before. The scared woman in front of him was pregnant. Couldn’t have been very far along with how small she was. Her face was a mess of bruises. He wanted to hunt down whatever useless piece of shit had done this to her. 

But he had to stay calm for her sake. He couldn’t start demanding information when he hadn't even managed to get close enough to examine her. He needed to get her far away from the danger first, get her medical attention and then get justice once she was happy and healthy and safe. 

It also needed to be quick. This was a woman who was running, so it stood to reason there was somebody chasing. But how did he convince her to get into a truck with a bunch of armed strangers?

She startled, looking like she had seen… ah fuck, Ghost had hopped out of the truck and walked over.

“You know how to use a gun?” he asked her, almost casual despite the grit behind it.

She shook her head and her eyes widened as Ghost lifted his sidearm into his hands. Kyle thought perhaps his Lieutenant had lost his damn mind when he started calmly explaining the basics of the gun before stepping forward, putting it on the ground and stepping back again.

“Sergeant, back up” he ordered and Kyle reluctantly took a few steps back. “You need help and we can give it. You pick up that gun, get in the truck and if any of us touches you without your permission you point and shoot. We’re about two hours out from a military base, there’s a doctor there who can check you over, make sure the baby is ok.”

Maybe Ghost was a genius or maybe he was a maniac, but then it wasn’t the first time he had flirted with that line. Kyle watched the woman hesitantly move forward. She reminded him of a little mouse approaching a piece of cheese. When she got close enough she darted suddenly and grabbed the gun, holding it up to them. Her arms were shaking.

He was used to the sounds of a bullet firing by now, but he still felt himself jump when she fired out into the woods on the other side of them.

“Y-you actually gave me a loaded gun?” she said breathlessly, seeming almost outraged that Ghost would truly do such a thing. Kyle sympathised.

“You feel better?” Ghost answered, nodding his head to the truck where Soap was watching with rapt attention. 

“...yes” the woman said before walking (although he noted it was more limping) over to the truck and letting Ghost help her in only after trying herself and realising she wouldn’t be able to hop up and keep ahold of the gun at the same time. 

–

The man in the skull mask didn’t ask any questions and he seemed entirely nonplussed about the gun pointed at him as the eerily silent truck took off. The other two in the back seemed nervous and the man driving hadn’t interacted with you at all, instead keeping his attention on the road. 

Skull mask made a call and his voice sounded like a shout with how quiet it was.

“I need you at Stirling Lines in 2 hours… yeah, needs to be you for this… send me the standard form and I’ll get the answers over to you… she doesn’t need delicate from me, she needs help… thanks for this, see you then.”

The one that shared a bench on your side with the mohawk looked increasingly alarmed at the conversation. 

“LT…” he started, some worried warning in his tone. 

The LT ignored him, looked at his phone and then looked up to you after seemingly finding what he was looking for. 

“Name, gender and birth date?”

“I… what?”

“Jesus Christ LT!”

“I need to get information for the nurse I have meeting us at base” the LT said, ignoring the mohawk man’s outrage and staring at you with those unsettling eyes sunken behind the mask. “The questions are going to be invasive. The exam is going to be worse and it’s going to take hours.”

“That’s enough Lieutenant” the man driving hissed, only to be equally as ignored as the Lieutenant's eyes stayed on you.

“Get through it. Get through it to spite the bastard.”

You felt a flutter of panic try to take hold. Your adrenaline was gone so it was hard to even feel that, but he thought… they all thought you had been raped. 

“It’s not… I’m married” you said by way of explanation. 

The atmosphere was tense, but after you said that there was a distinct feeling of sadness coming from mohawk and Kyle, a feeling of pity. The skull mask had no such pity emanating from him. 

“He told you that because you’re married you couldn’t say no. Reinforced that. It’s brainwashing and you can break that. It wasn’t marriage they used as a reason for me, but they tried to brainwash me to think I consented to it just the same. I didn’t and neither did you. Spite the bastard.”

Nobody else spoke for the next 2 hours but you and the man in the skullmask. He asked questions and you answered them. At the start you took time to answer, hesitant from the humiliation coursing through you and making you feel sick. An hour in and you had no emotions left to give, only cold answers that floated through the truck and hung in the air like the twisted body of the saviour had hung on your bedroom wall, watching and judging. 

By the time the truck was pulling through to a base you felt rinsed of everything, numb. The only shred of warmth came from the hand holding yours and you could not remember exactly when the man with the mohawk had put it there. 

–

“Simon…”

“It’s not like you hadn’t read my file sir.”

Price had read his file. He knew what Roba had done to this man. It didn’t make it any less jarring to hear his Lieutenant say it out loud in the back of a damn truck with a strange beaten woman and his two Sergeants who until now had no real idea of his past.

“You solid?” he asked, not wanting to push him to talk about anything he didn’t want to. 

“I’m angry.”

He knew that from Simon’s record too. It had taken a while for him to be cleared after Roba because he was so angry all the time, his aggression too volatile for even the military. This whole situation was bringing up old wounds in his Lieutenant and he was lost with what to do about it. 

“Lieutenant Riley” came a call from the nurse finally leaving the exam room. She had an American accent, Southern. He suspected she was probably the one who saw Simon after Roba considering that had been in Texas.

“Appreciate you coming on short notice” Simon replied with a nod of thanks. 

“Consider it payback for getting me my visa. No point in mincing words, it’s bad.”

“Consider it a matter of national security” Price said.

Technically he shouldn’t be told anything about the state of the woman in that exam room without her consent, but then it would not be the first time he got around GDPR citing national security. The nurse was clearly versed in how the military worked and handed over the clipboard she was holding. Simon read along with him over his shoulder.

“Bleeding Christ. She’s 21 weeks?” he asked, shocked.

“Long term malnutrition. She wasn’t given any control over her food. They gave her enough to keep her alive, but nowhere near healthy.”

“This…” Simon started, looking at the results from the x-rays.

“Consistent with prolonged torture. Some of the breaks never healed right. She’s still healing from a fracture and some ligament tearing in the left leg, a few broken ribs and a crack in her orbital bone. She said he had been more careful with her since finding out she was pregnant.”

Price swore loudly. He saw plenty of civilian casualties. He had caused the deaths of innocent people in the pursuit of saving other innocents. He was no stranger to evil. But this wasn’t a terrorist attack. It wasn’t a hostage in a facility. The woman was just an ordinary person who was being tortured for no large cause, not for the advancement of some twisted doctrine. She was being tortured for the crime of being a wife.

“Can you keep it off record?” 

He was a bit taken aback that Simon was asking that. Surely they wanted this on record? But then he followed that action to its conclusion. They found her near a community that very rich people lived in, it followed that this husband had money to spare. They would know she was missing by now and they would know the radius of where she could have reached by car or train. 

The second she was admitted to a hospital as a malnourished and beaten pregnant woman she would go missing. He wouldn’t trust the police as far as he could throw them to protect a domestic abuse victim when the perpetrator was rich and powerful enough to track her down and pay them off. The military wasn’t any better. Hell he knew of monsters in his own department who would insist on taking her for a spin before handing her over. 

“I’ll talk with her” he said, Simon giving him a grateful nod. 

Somehow he needed to convince that woman that she was coming to the safehouse with them until they could deal with her husband along with every single one of his accomplices. They wouldn’t make it to prison.

–

You wanted so badly to sleep but the alarm in your head wouldn’t let you. You couldn’t possibly be safe. You were never safe. 

The nurse had been kind in her examination. She said this was specifically what she was trained for, that you were not alone. Others had been through this and survived. Others had went on to have brilliant and bright lives while their attackers had turned into insignificant, small creatures in their memories. You still found it hard to think of your husband as your attacker. All you had known growing up was that the man of the household owned the women in it and it was his prerogative how he handled them.

You hadn’t been allowed to shower first even though you wanted to. It was strange to think that it was deemed lucky that you weren’t permitted to shower outside of your hour preparation time and that you hadn’t been given that hour since your husband had last used you for his pleasure. He knew you desperately hated having to lay with his spend inside of you. You had begged your guard to let you clean up properly before getting your ultrasound, but he had only smiled as he said no. Of course he had. He was well versed in experiencing your humiliation and your husband was well versed in creating situations for him to do so. 

It was painful when she had examined you internally. She told you that it shouldn’t be, that you associated penetration with pain now so your body was seizing up making the speculum feel much worse than it normally would. She apologised, said that was something that wouldn’t happen forever once you got healthier and knew you were safe. You could hardly believe it when she told you sex wasn’t supposed to hurt for women.

You hadn’t thought you were capable of it after today, but you still cried when she did the ultrasound. There she was, still alive and well. You wanted to tell her it would be ok now, that you had done it, you had gotten away and she would be safe. But it didn’t seem real.

The exam had taken such a long time. Your clothes had been taken from you and the thin gown did nothing to make you feel less exposed. She wanted to take the bank notes stuffed into your pocket as well, promising that they would be replaced, but you had begged to keep them and she had let you. The MRI wasn’t mentioned when the nurse had first explained everything, but part way through she had asked if it would be ok for one to be taken. She made sure that you didn’t have to interact with anyone else but her which calmed you a little. 

Now you were alone. She told you that she would let you gather your thoughts and then a shower and clothes could be organised.

You needed to figure out your next move. £410 wasn’t a lot of money, but it would have to be enough to get your daughter somewhere safe. You could work. Your last job had been as a waitress when you were a teenager, but you were good at cooking and cleaning and willing to learn just about anything so you were determined you would find something. You didn’t have much choice. 

There was a knock at the door and you told them to come in. Your voice sounded awful, scratchy and hoarse. 

It was not the nurse. 

The man from the front of the car didn’t look at you unkindly, but it did not stop you from flinching as he stepped towards you. You wished you hadn’t let Kyle take the gun from you when you arrived. 

He immediately stopped and showed his hands just like Kyle had on the road. 

“My name is Captain John Price, the men in the truck are my team. You’ve been brave today and I know it’s been hard. I can get you a shower and some hot food, how does that sound?”

You felt yourself shrivel and shrink. A shower with him. You hated being in a shower with your husband, he always forced you to your knees. Whenever he gave you a chance to breathe it was only under the high pressure spray of the water and it made you feel like you were suffocating. He liked that. 

Could you get on your knees for this man? If it was for your daughter, if it kept her safe, then yes. It wasn’t so bad was it? You had survived worse. It was just your mouth. 

You stood shakily and nodded, eyes fixed on the ground as you picked up the bank notes on the side table and held them tightly in your hand. 

“Where did that come from?”

“I…” you started, taking a moment to try and think of a lie before giving in to the mental exhaustion and just telling the truth. “I stole it from my guard’s wallet.”

“Atta girl.”

The praise made your ears feel hot. You had half expected to be arrested on the spot, but the man, Captain John Price, just started leading you out of the room and down the hall to the showers. 

“Soap, that’s the moppet with the mohawk from the truck, volunteered some of his things. He’s a bit of a peacock, so there should be everything you need. It’s a communal shower but I’ll stand guard at the door for you so nobody will come in. You can lock the door, but if I knock I need you to answer so I can confirm you’re ok. Towels are here, clothes here. We don’t have anything for maternity so we’ve guessed on what size will fit.”

You were taken aback. He wasn’t going to be in here with you. You didn’t need to service him. Your grip tightened around the cash in your hand before loosening as you looked at it. 

“Don’t even think about it. You don’t owe anyone here a damn thing. Go shower.”

With that he left. You locked the door and waited for 10 minutes to see if he would unlock it from the other side and come in. He only knocked once and when you responded that you were fine he was silent again. 

Satisfied that at least you didn’t think he would come in you stripped off and finally had a shower. The hair products and shower gel left by Soap (you thought that was a funny coincidence) smelled nice, like pine and maybe a hint of something sweet. Your husband only ever let you use things with a heavy smell of roses.

The nurse had asked what you meant by preparing yourself when you mentioned that you hadn’t done so and escaped instead. She told you that you didn’t need to do that here, but then there wasn’t any of the equipment you were used to anyway. It felt luxurious in a way, to clean yourself just for yourself. 

The next time Captain Price knocked and you confirmed that you were ok, he kept speaking with you. 

“I would like you to come with me and my team. We are heading to a safehouse a few hours from here and it’ll be the safest place for you to recover. You would have your own room with a lock on the door.”

You were glad nobody could see the way your face screwed up in some grotesque mixture of fear, confusion and, worst of all, hope. 

“I… have money. I can pay rent.”

“...ok.”

He sounded somewhat reluctant to accept that but you couldn’t not pay for this. You would constantly be waiting for one of them to collect in some other way if you didn’t give them cash. 

You touched your stomach, silently asking your daughter if it was ok to trust this man. She gave a kick. 

–

Johnny didn’t think he had ever seen anyone so fragile. She had fought it Price had said, but eventually their new housemate had fallen into an exhausted sleep in the passenger seat of his truck. 

When they arrived it had been him who bundled her in his arms and carried her to bed. God she was so small for someone who was supposed to be halfway through a pregnancy.

He had watched her since Gaz had jumped out of that truck. She had flinched then, she had flinched when Si got out of the truck, she had flinched when Price had went into the room (he probably shouldn’t have been hiding out in the hallway watching through the open door, but he just couldn’t stop himself). 

She hadn’t flinched at all when he threaded his fingers through hers in the truck. Her hand was so tiny. Too tiny, much like the rest of her.

He put her to bed in his room since the spare was a bit of a wreck and he bunked with Gaz. They could sort it all out tomorrow after he had gotten her a massive breakfast. He was shite at cooking anything but a greasy fry up but he wanted only the best for her, so he’d already fired off a message to the girl who owned the best cafe in town and asked for a priority breakfast delivery that he was going to be paying a fortune for since it was last minute and out of the ordinary. 

He didn’t know this woman, but he knew intrinsically that he would.

–

You dreamt sweet dreams. A cottage made cosy. Cooking whatever meals you wanted with ingredients you grew yourself in the garden outside. The gentle pleasure of careful hands and tongues, opening you up to a new world you never thought existed, one where your pleasure was first and foremost and the press of a body into yours didn’t hurt. The give beneath your fingers when you touched your own body, fat and soft rolls that reminded you of how safe you felt, how happy and healthy you were. 

And a little girl running towards a returning hero, being swept up and laughing delightedly about it. 

Best of all in that wonderful dream, you didn’t flinch once. 

[fan-fantasies]

Whisper Sweet Nothings

A/N: this one won the vote so here ya go! Probably not quite what everyone imagined 😂

Pairing: Rhea Ripley x Reader

Warnings: teasing, oral (f receiving), choking, good old game of strip wrestling, mentions of using a strap

Part Two

“You ready, darling?” Rhea asked, fixing up the details of her gear.

You were the newest member of Judgement Day and it was your first live appearance with them. You were nervous but you trusted all of them to take care of you.

“I’m ready,” you nodded, taking a deep breath.

While you were new to JD, you were not new in the WWE universe, and you were no stranger to Rhea. You weren’t best friends, but you had a playful backstage relationship and you were excited to get to work with her. Plus, it didn’t hurt she was pretty easy on the eyes.

“And her opponent, accompanied by the members of The Judgement Day… (your ring name)!”

You all stepped out onto the ramp and people booed. You put on your best sinister smile as you stared down your opponent in the ring.

Rhea leaned down to whisper in your ear like she does with Dom.

“You’ve got this, pretty girl. Easy win,” she said. You tried not to let the fact she called you pretty get to your head but it did give you an extra boost of confidence that allowed you the edge to win your match.

The crowd seemed to accept you as the newest member and you were glad. They especially loved your connection with Rhea. They loved when she was flirtatious and she loved to direct that energy toward you. You did your best to give it back, but you hated to admit that she made you flustered.

Summer Slam was just around the corner and you all decided to train a bit harder than usual. Rhea insisted on training with you so you could both learn from one another. It was more distracting than helpful, having her hands on your body so often.

“You okay, babe? You seemed distracted today,” she commented after your workout.

“Oh yeah, I’m good. Just haven’t been sleeping well is all,” you lied.

“I must not be working you hard enough then; let me know if you ever need me to come over and tire you out,” she said with a wink. Your eyes widened as the implication of her words sunk in. She walked away with a smirk on her face, leaving you speechless.

Her teasing continued in the days leading to the pay-per-view. You were tense, wanting an outlet for your frustration.

“We’re up next, let’s go!” Damian yelled, waiting to go on the ramp. You hurried to his side with Rhea hot on your heels.

“Calm down, we’re ready,” she scoffed, throwing an arm around you.

“If you two weren’t busy making out, we wouldn’t almost be late,” Finn said jokingly.

“We were not,” you retorted. He just rolled his eyes as your theme music came on.

You did your entrance as usual, Rhea coming up behind you and leaning down. You were expecting her usual simple comments but you were taken by surprise.

“Trust me, if we had been making out, we wouldn’t be out here right now. I’d still be between your legs making you scream my name,” she whispered. You had to use every ounce of self control to keep from reacting, your normal sadistic smirk struggling to stay on your face.

Your mind was spinning so fast you almost missed your line. You had to focus extra hard just to finish the segment.

Rhea kept an arm around you the entire time and held you tight against her. Every time you dared to look at her you found she was already looking at you. Her piercing blue eyes sent chills down your spine.

A match was announced for Summer Slam for the women’s tag team championship with you and Rhea competing. Once the bit had ended you rushed backstage to collect your thoughts.

She was just joking with you, right? She hadn't really been thinking about doing…that…with you. Had she?

“Great segment, love. Training tomorrow at 9?” She asked, sneaking up behind you. You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of her voice.

“Y-yeah, that works,” you stuttered.

“You okay, babe? You seem tense,” she said, putting her hands on your shoulders. She began to massage them gently but it didn’t help your nerves.

“Never better; I’ll see you tomorrow!” You said, hurrying away.

You didn’t sleep well that night, worried about training with Rhea. You tried not to let your feelings come to the surface, but she was making it difficult with her lingering touches and tempting whispers.

The following morning you had an extra cup of coffee and made your way to the training area. It seemed as if you were the first one there, even beating Rhea.

You took the opportunity to stretch first, trying to loosen yourself up. You tried to get your mind into the right headspace and didn’t even notice the door opening and closing.

You jumped when you felt hands on your hips.

“Need some help warming up?” The accented voice asked from behind you.

“Jesus, Rhea! You gave me a heart attack!”

“Sorry, sweetheart; I did say hello when I walked in. Seems like your mind was somewhere else though,” she said with a hint of a smirk.

“Wonder why that is,” you mumbled, going back to your stretching.

She stood across from you and began stretching as well. You tried not to look at her but you couldn’t help it; she was way too gorgeous.

“I was thinking we could spar today,” she suggested, looking at you up and down.

“Sounds good to me,” you shrugged. You and Rhea had very different styles so it was beneficial to go up against one another.

The first couple rounds she took it easy on you and you could tell which only frustrated you more. You tried your best to get the upper hand but to no avail. Eventually, she pinned you, throwing your legs over her shoulders and grinding her hips into your ass as was her infamous pinning style.

“Are you even trying?” She asked, letting you up.

“Of course I’m trying!” You argued.

“How about we raise the stakes a bit, hm?”

“What did you have in mind?” You asked.

“For every pin, you take off a piece of clothing,” she answered. You must’ve misheard her.

“You can’t be serious; anyone could walk in!”

“I booked it just for us for the next hour. No one’s going to interrupt,” she replied. You thought it over for a minute- why the hell not? Worst case she gets some more material to tease you with.

“Fine, you’re on.”

“Really? I’m surprised you agreed,” she chuckled.

“Why’s that?”

“You always seem so uptight is all,” she said.

“I’m not uptight!” You shrieked. How dare she?

“Really? What is it then? Do I make you nervous?” She asked, stalking toward you. You swallowed hard and tried to stand tall.

“No, no you don’t,” you lied.

“Then let’s go.”

She looked at you like a predator looks at their prey before digging in. You squared up and you were determined to win. You fought harder than before, finding strength deep within. You wanted to prove yourself.

You finally got behind her and rolled her into a pin. It wasn’t the best but it did the trick.

“So do I get to pick what you take off?” You smirked. She rolled her eyes and took off her shirt leaving her in her sports bra. It was nothing new- sometimes she would workout in just that.

She quickly rushed at you, taking you off guard. She folded you in half, pinning your shoulders in under a minute.

“Don’t let yourself get distracted.”

You threw your shirt out of the ring and shook it off. If that’s how she wanted to play then so be it.

You pulled out all of your best moves but she was stronger and got the upper hand. She pinned you again and pointed to your leggings.

“Need any help getting them off?” She said with a smirk.

“I’m fine, thanks,” you mumbled angrily. You were left in your bra and underwear.

“That’s fine; I’ll take the next ones off with my teeth.” Her words set your core on fire, but you couldn’t let her play mind games with you.

You faked her out so you could run to the opposite side and climb the ropes. You jumped off without thinking, your legs landing over her shoulders. Your goal was to take her down, but she caught you easily. She looked up at you from between your thighs and you knew you were in trouble.

“Rhea, no!” You shouted before she slammed you to the mat. Your body bounced once before she was pinning you down.

“Decisions, decisions,” she said, running a finger down the length of your body, snagging on your panties and snapping them back.

You couldn’t move; one- because you were still reeling from that slam and two- because you were nervous now.

“My socks!” You said, remembering they technically counted.

“You’re no fun,” she sighed. “Next one, these are mine.” She grabbed your ass before pulling on your panties.

“If you get that far,” you snapped. She started to reply but you attacked her. You threw out every move you knew and eventually had her on her back. You resorted to sitting on her chest and finally pinned her.

“Pants. Now.”

“Sheesh, you’re bossy when you want something,” she sighed. She took off her pants and threw them at you, taking the distraction to rush you. You dodged her attack, however, and were the one on the offensive.

After minutes of back and forth, you were starting to fall behind. You managed to trip her, not your finest moment, but it allowed you to set up your finisher.

You pinned her with a victorious smile on your face. She scowled at you but wasted no time in pulling off her bra. Your jaw dropped at the sight before you. You certainly didn’t think this through- how could you focus now??

The answer was: you couldn’t. Rhea grabbed you and easily picked you up. She threw you on the ropes and when you bounced off she clotheslined you. She didn’t even bother pinning you, she just yanked off your underwear.

“Hey-“ you were cut off by her lips on yours. The kiss feverish and long overdue. You surrendered to her without a challenge, letting her hands roam your body. You pawed at her underwear, hinting for her to take them off.

“Nah, not so fast. You haven’t earned that yet,” she chuckled. You started to pout and she wrapped a hand around your throat. “You think you deserve my pussy?”

“Please,” you whimpered.

“Poor baby,” she sighed. “Don’t worry, love. You’ll get it. I’ve just been dying to taste you and I can’t wait.”

Her hand left your throat and she wrapped them around your thighs, pulling them open. She sunk down between them and licked her lips.

“I can see how wet you are and I haven’t even done anything,” she chuckled. “Or do you just like it that much when I throw you around?”

You didn’t answer so she slapped your cunt.

“Answer me.”

“Yes! Yes, I like it when you throw me around,” you said.

“Thought so,” she said before turning back to your pussy. She licked a thick strip up your center before focusing her attack on your clit. She had your head spinning and she had barely even begun.

Her fingers were digging into your hips as she held you in place. She ate you like a woman starved. No one had ever made you feel like that before and it had you chasing your high within minutes.

She circled your clit with her tongue before dipping it into you and fucking you with it. You started to grind your face against her and she moaned. She went back to sucking on your clit and it was enough to send you over the edge.

Her name spilled from your lips effortlessly, praising her over and over again. She slowed down, licking through your folds one more time before pulling away.

“Fuck, I wish I had my strap with me. I’d fucking destroy you,” she chuckled, watching you come undone before her. “Maybe that’ll be your reward if we win on Saturday. How does that sound?”

She crawled back up your body and kissed you. She bit down on your lip making you whimper.

“I asked you a question.”

“Yes, that sounds good. Please,” you begged.

“Such a good girl for Mami,” she smiled sweetly. She sat up and pulled her underwear off. “I think you’ve earned this now.”

She sat back and you eagerly laid down in front of her. You got comfortable before teasing your tongue through her folds. You were gentle, barely even touching her. You knew it would piss her off, and you were right.

“We’re not gonna play this game, love,” she growled before fisting a hand in your hair. She pulled you flush with her pussy and began to fuck herself against your face. You lapped at her pussy greedily and you had her a moaning mess almost instantly.

She slowed down and let you take the lead but didn’t loosen her grip on your hair.

You toyed with her clit before dipping into her entrance.

“Fuck, love. You’re doing such a good job,” she moaned. “You like when Mami fucks herself on your tongue?”

“Fuck, yes,” you answered eagerly.

She began to move her hips again in rhythm with your movements. She threw her head back and let herself get lost in the moment. Before you knew it, she was cumming on your tongue. You let her fuck your face as long as she needed to ride out your high. Plus, your name on her lips sounded too good to stop.

When she finally released you, you quickly crawled into her lap and pulled her in for a kiss. The taste of the both of you danced on your tongues. You were grinding on her lap and it made her laugh.

“Such a desperate little thing,” she teased. “I think our time is almost up, how about we take this back to my room?”

You simply nodded before throwing your clothes back on as quickly as possible. Rhea led you back to her room where she proved just how much you loved her throwing you around.

Saturday night came along rather quick, the crowd booing as your entrance played. You stood at the top of the ramp next to Rhea as she leaned down per usual.

“Just remember what your reward is if we win.”

——————

Please comment and reblog!

[thinkwosolife23]

I Can't Watch, Beth Mead

Y/N Mead. Beth Mead. A boxer. A footballer. But over anything else she was your wife.

You had just finished your last training session before the biggest fight of your life. Tommorow, you would step in the ring with the current Women's Undisputed World Champion. Savannah Marshall. Being the number 1 contender, tommorow you had the chance to become the world champion.

But for now, you just wanted to be at home, to be with Beth. So when you pulled into the driveway of yours and Beths home, it was the first time today that you had felt able to relax.

"Lover, I'm home!" The sound of your voice echoed throughout you home as you walked through the door, throwing your keys on the side before pulling your trainers off.

"I'm in the livingroom." Beth spoke back to you. You made your way towards your livingroom to where Beth was laying on the sofa watching something on the telly. She looked up towards you as you walked over and kissed her forehead before quickly pecking her lips.

"I've missed you," she said whilst you were walking back to the kitchen to grab a drink.

"I missed you too, today has felt so long." you told her as you jumped up to sit on your kitchen side.

Beth seemed to notice the tiredness in your voice and followed you to where you were sat, placing herself inbetween you legs, arms going around your mid section as yours rested over her shoulders. You being the taller out of the two of you, her head rested perfectly on your chest as yours slowly rested on top of hers.

"Bad training session?" She questioned you as if it was expected. "Nah, not really, Just the usual plus more. My trainers kept going over all the analysis and boring stuff. It just reminded me of all the pressure that's on me for the fight, the fact that i'm going into it as the challenger and should come out of it as the champion. It's just getting a lot now." You replied whilst Beth tucked her hands under the back of your hoodie, slightly scratching your bare back, doing the things she knows calms you down.

"Babe, you just need to trust yourself cause everyone else does, your so capable of winning this fight. And you've worked so hard for it." Beth responded back to you. But Beth herself couldm't tell you that your fight had been a constant thought in her mind over the last couple of weeks. Her thoughts constantly jumping to the worst conclusions. Broken nose, broken ribs, concussion. The potential that you could be knocked out, the view she had of your body splayed out on the canvas, not moving. After all that, her biggest worry was your mental health. She had seen how a loss affects you, she had first hand seen you shut yourself off from everyone, from her. She couldn't tell you that sometimes she wished you weren't a boxer.

You were in one anothers prescence for another 5 minutes, completly content with the comfort your wife was giving, always knowing exactly what you needed.

"I've got you, and that's all I need." You spoke, reminding her and you that she was your motivation: she was always your motivation.

Beth seemed to tense up when you said that, her body wanting to pull away from you. You pulled away from her, glancing at her face trying to find a reason for her sudden discomfort.

"What's wrong, love?" You questioned worringly. Her eyes refusing to meet yours as you jumped off the counter, standing in front of her, taking her hands in your own.

"I'm not coming." She spoke softly, the volume of her voice almost too quiet to even here.

You dropped her hands from you own. Your own hand going to your wedding ring, trying to calm yourself down and stop yourslef from getting angry.

"What do you mean your not coming?" The sadness and anger immediatly noticable within your voice.

"I can't watch it, Y/N. I can't watch you put yourself through that amount of pain. I can't be there when something bad happens to you. Everytime you step into that ring, I dread that you might get knocked down and you won't get back up."

Beth was crying by this point, the tears evidnent by looking at her face. You could feel yourself getting angrier, your nails digging into your palms where your fists were clenched.

"So, what? Me facing it on my own makes it easier for you. As long as it's easier for you, that's alright" Your voice raised as you spoke, you started pacing throughout yours and Beths shared kitchen.

"Did it not matter to you that I was there when you tore your ACL, that I was there waiting whilst you were having your surgery. I was there throughout your whole recovery doing everything I could to make it easier for you, to help you get through the process. God Beth! Did it mean nothing to you that I was there for you when your mum passed away." Your voice significantly quieter this time, the emotions were still evident within every word you spoke.

"That's not fair!" Beth snapped back. Her head coming up from it's dropped position, her eyes following you as you paced backwards and fowards.

"No! What's not fair is you telling me the night before the biggest fight of my life that you aren't coming. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health. You made them promises, you know when you married me. So much for being my wife."

The tears now fluent on yours and Beths face as you took your ring off and placed it on the side before going back to put your trainers on.

"Y/N, where you going?" Beth spoke as she watched you gather your things and grab your keys.

"Like you care!" And with that the front door was slammed shut. You quickly made your way into your car, no idea where you were going to go.

After 10 minutes, you eventually decided to message Alex (Scott). Funnily enough, she was the one who introduced you and beth to one another. Both her and Leah had become two of your closest friends.

Message: Alex x

Hey Alex, sorry for the late message. Me and Beth have had an arguement, am I alright to stay at yours tonight. Xx (08:37pm)

Hi Y/N, don't worry about messaging me. Course you can stay tonight. Drive safe, yeah Xx (08:42pm)

As soon as Alex had replied, you made the short drive to her house.

After getting there, you sat with Alex explaining everything that had happened between you and Beth not even an hour ago. All of your emotions soon flooded out and after a couple of hours of conversating with her, you both decided that it was best that you went and tried to get some sleep.

The next day…

You spent hours tossing and turning last night, your body clearly not liking the unfamiliarity of sleeping without your wife beside you. However, you did still manage to get an adequate amount of sleep.

You woke up to your phone ringing, flashing and just making a stupid amount of noise.

Notifications: Lover 😍❤️ 5 missed calls, 3 unread messages

Messages: Lover 😍❤️

I'm worried about you, can you please just let me know that your okay xx (yesterday, 11:20pm)

I'm sorry, please just come home xx (09:30am)

I love you xx (09:32am)

Your mind didn't even want to think about Beth, or anything that was said last night to be honest. You had to be in the right frame of mind today. The fight wasn't due to start until 08:30 tonight, but you were expected at the venue by 5pm.

Fight day rituals soon came around. Usually, it would be going on a walk with Beth, but today Alex had offered to go with you, the invite also extended to Leah who was straight round.

The rest of the day constisted of Alex and Leah trying their best to distract you from both the fight and Beth.

But all of it started to hit you by the time you were in all of your fighting gear, having your hands wrapped and going through some final combinations on the pads with your trainer.

You were quickly dragged out of your thoughts when one of the staff told you that someone was at the door wanting to see you. You walked towards your door and opened it to find that it was your wife stood there.

You were shocked but your face was tense and showed minimal emotion to her stood there. You turned around and went back to where you were originally sat, waiting for someone to put your gloves on. You glanced up to where Beth was stood, her body still fixed in the spot it was when you had opened the door, but her eyes were yet to leave yours.

"I want you all out." You motioned to everyone who was stood in the room.

"All of us?" One of your trainers relayed back to you.

"Yeah, all of you. I want some time with my wife. In private!" Beth eyes immediatly lit up at what you had just said. Everyone quickly dispersing out of the room, Beth soon walking in closing the door behind her.

Your eyes intensly watching her as she walked over to where you were sat. She picked your gloves up, gesturing to you to put your hand out so she could put your glove on.

"What are you doing here, Beth?" You questioned quietly, not needing another arguement before going out to fight.

"I might have had a bit of a telling off in training today by the girls. Even Jonas had a word with me."

"Good." Your response almost sarcastic.

"I am really sorry, Y/N. Your my wife, i'm meant to support you, be there for you. Through the good times and the bad. I went back on the promises that I made to you and I should've never done that." She said whilst she finished putting your gloves on.

"Come here, you soppy sod." You opened your arms to her, which she soon took advantage of. Wrapping her arms around your neck, yours going around her waist as you rested your head on her stomach.

Both staying like that until someone came in to let you know that it was nearly time for you to walk out.

You looked up at Beth, signifying that it was time for you and her to go. Her hands quickly coming up to your face, her fingers tracing over all of your features before her hands stayed rested on each side of your face. Both of you soon leaning in, your lips locking with hers. She pulled away after a few seconds but making sure here forehead rested against yours, the fear soon showing evident on her face.

"I'll be okay, y'know." You said trying to give your wife some form of reassurance.

"I love you." She said, knowing that it was the only thing you needed to hear.

"I love you." Your words indentical to hers. You stood up giving her one final kiss, "My beautiful girl."

One of the security guards came to take Beth to where she was sat as you were took in another direction.

Nothing will ever be able to describe the feeling of walking out to a full O2 arena, knowing that people are there for your main event. The second you were in people's view; the confident, almost cocky persona was on show. No fear was shown by your face or by your body language. You waited in the ring as your opponent walks out. Your eyes not on her at the minute though, they were trying to find Beth who was sat in the front row with her Arsenal teamates.

But now, your focus shifted. You had to be focus on this fight: not only were you in for the hardest physical battle of your life but you knew that this was a mental game aswell. Your opponent making it known by making a point of walking past Beth and holding her title up before stepping into the ring.

Once you were both in the ring, the spokesperson began introducing both fighters. Also, going over all the rules and stipulations of the match.

10 rounds. 2 minutes each. No headgear. Disqualification for either fighter for any low blows.

You bumped gloves before going back to your corner so the fight could begin.

The first few rounds showed the level of intenstity that this match held. Neither fighter backing down. You took some hard blows but so did she.

Round 6. That was when the balance of the fight took a complete shift. She was showing why she was the current champion. You were taking blow after blow from her, but you still managed to hold your own for a while. It was only when she had managed to land a combination that had took so many fighters out in the past.

She landed a harsh left hook to your ribs forcing you to hunch over in pain; her right hand then punched you square in the face sending straight to the canvas.

Immediately, you felt the pain of the punches you had took and then you felt the blood running down your face, you managed to roll yourself on the side so you didn't swallow any blood. Your eyes looked foward to find that Beth was directly in your eyeline, her eyes glued to your bloody state.

She was trying to figure out if you were able to carry on. Everyone could see that you were trying to get up. You were now on your knees, trying to muster up the energy to stand. But the referess count was already at 6. You were still looking at Beth, trying to use her as motivation and when she mouthed, 'I love you,' that was all you needed.

All of a sudden you were up and ready with a new founded energy.

Round 7: the momentum was all yours. She was getting tired and you knew you had to use that to your advantage. She had slightly dropped her guard and this was you chance to finish it.

Your left hand connected with the side of her head knocking her off balance before your right hand uppercut landed cleanly on her jaw.

She was down and with that the referee started his count.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

You'd done it. You had won. You were the world champion. You dropped to your kneew in disbelief, eyes full of tears that you had actually done it.

The crowd were full of cheering fans and the ring, by now, was filled with people. You stood back up and made your way over to the former champion. You gave each other a hug and spoke of the admiration and respect you held for each other.

The referee and spokesperson brought you too the middle of the ring: announcing that you were the new Women's Undisputed World Champion and gave you your belt.

But now all you wanted was to find was person. You got out of the ring walking round to where she was. Her eyes were filled with tears and it only made it worse when she seen you coming over.

When you got to her you put your belt over her shoulder before she jumped on you, wrapping her arms around your neck and her legs wrapped around your waist.

"I'm so so proud of you, baby. My wife. My world champion." She said to you as you slowly put her back on the ground before attaching your lips to hers causing the whole arena to arrupt again.

You did it, you were now the World Champion. But nothing came over Beth, you knew that everyday you had her by your side and that was someting no trophy or title would ever beat.

After all… you were

Y/N Mead. Beth Mead. A boxer. A footballer. But over anything she was your wife.

[ciggarettesoutthewindow]

Miguel O’Hara x Plus Size! Fem!Reader drabble

(as a plus-size person, I’m overly ecstatic to be writing this tho it may not be the best🥹💀)

warnings: mentions of injury, little mention of being insecure, eepy Miguelito, mainly just fluff

word count: 606 words

enjoy this little blurb as much as I do LOL

Miguel is a COMPLETE sucker for chubby women

Like, he will go out of his way to just squeeze and massage your plump flesh- whether that be your tummy, thighs, breasts, cheeks, ass, or arms- it doesn’t matter to him, it brings him so much comfort, and happiness, and he loves marking your soft skin with his teeth and plants the softest kisses on them, and you're just as on board with it as he is

It took you a while to get used to it, but seeing him happy makes you happy, and it makes you 10 times more confident about yourself when you’re feeling insecure

Today, in particular, Miguel had come home from a rather difficult mission all marked up and bruised as you were cleaning in the kitchen and the sight of him caused you to panic

He tried to tell you not to worry, that he was fine; he knew his body would regenerate itself fast but you wouldn’t hear it

You grabbed the medkit and dragged him by his hand to the couch

He slumped down on the couch with a sigh, marinating in its cushiness as you softly climbed onto his lap, straddling him

He grabbed your hips to keep you steady, subconsciously making soft kneading motions into your skin

You placed the medkit delicately on the side table, opened it and took out the contents you needed, and got to work

His suit fizzled away, leaving him only in his boxers as you dabbed away at his small wounds, catching him off guard by placing your soft, delicate lips on his cleaned scratches

His heart swelled as you did that, a small smile making its way onto his lips as he stared at you with so much love as you worked

That’s one of the things he loved you for, you being so delicate and compassionate for people in ways that were unreal to him

You were too busy to notice, being occupied with being attentive to his wounds, but a closed loving smile was on your face

You were almost done, you just finished cleaning the one on his cheek when he brought his hand to your cheek, softly pushing your head to look at him as he kissed you

You cupped his face in your hands, kissing back so softly that it made his head spin

He sighed into the kiss, slumping softly, too exhausted to move

He broke the kiss and placed his head on your chest, sighing through his nose, closing his eyes

His hands moved from your hips to your thighs, squeezing softly, the gesture caused you to giggle as you wrapped your arms around his neck, running your fingers through his slicked back and silky smooth brown wavy locks

You heard soft snores emitting from him, you sighed contently, maneuvering off his lap and onto the cushion

He slumped over a bit, fast asleep

It made you happy to see him finally relax for one, he was such a workaholic that you barely saw him most days, but moments like these the both of cherished tremendously

You pulled his sleepy form into you gently, placing his head on your chest as you wrapped your arms around him as he rested peacefully between your legs

He moved and wrapped his arms around your torso, grunting softly, falling asleep once more

You grabbed the blanket behind your head and draped it over the both of you

You shifted a bit to get more comfortable, placing a kiss on his head and letting sleep overtake you as the both of you reveled in this peaceful moment

[average-kitty]

A Special Bouquet 💐 Part 3

Warnings: SMUT- fingering, Hair pulling, a little bit of degradation?

word count: 2254

A/N: Yall got part 2 to like almost 40 likes so here you go yall crazy ferals, your mean Jenna 🙄

Jenna and you had started dating not too long after the whole- “incident” and y’all actually got along pretty well, Jenna was always- always offering to help you after she was doing whatever she needed to do for the day. Yet, you always tried to talk her out of helping you but Jenna was stubborn- you learned that pretty quickly. Though even though you always told her she didn’t need to help you out she always did, it could’ve been the smallest thing and she would help you with it. 

Since you and Jenna started dating your shop seemed to always be crowded, Jenna suggested buying a bigger place for the shop but you refused to move, you loved the small and cozy feeling of it- plus you had saved up for all by yourself, way before Jenna. It was a special place for you, Jenna as well but she just helped out so she had an excuse to be with you. You always thought it was a bit stupid of her to come during your work hours but she didn’t seem to care, just dropping in whenever she could.

 Today was like one of those days, you were helping a few people pick flowers out, making sure they didn’t pick the wrong ones for their occasions. It was draining to say the least- you usually only had desperate husbands and older folks coming in and they were pretty easy to handle, but now your spectrum was much wider. Young teens, married couples, or couples who were planning their wedding, you name it they came to your shop. As you were finishing up with a few guys after they had finally decided on what to get their girlfriends you waved them bye- as they walked out the door, Jenna walked in.

“Jennaaaa…” you chuckled softly “What?” She gave you a small smirk as she walked behind the counter giving you a light kiss on your forehead “I thought I might as well stop by, I was close by.” You rolled your eyes at her with a small smile “You were literally not even a block down today…” “My point exactly.” She retorted, you scoffed at her snappy attitude “Geez you’re a bit rude today aren’t you?” You tilted your head to the side at her, returning her smirk. Jenna snickered softly, nodding her head with a small smile. “I just missed you, now you’re making me feel bad for loving you.” “Jenna quit it…!” You giggled softly as you shoved her back lightly, she took a dramatic gasp “After all I’ve done!” 

She threw her hands up acting extremely offended, you just laughed at her as you rolled your eyes yet again. “Now go home will you? I’ve got this, it’s only 30 minutes before I close up.” Jenna had a bit of a worried look as she sighed “Are you absolutely sure Y/N?” You scoff at her, crossing your arms. “I did this for 5 years before you walked in, im sure I can manage what I started.” 

She didn’t respond for a few moments before she let her head hang. “Fine, but if you’re absolutely exhausted when you get home, remember that it’s not my fault.” “Yeah yeah, now shoo!” You giggle as you walk her to the door “I’m going I’m going!” She chuckled before turning her head to give you a quick kiss on your lips, then she finally walked out and waved you bye as she hopped in her car. You waved her bye as well, watching her drive off, then you walked back in to clean up and do whatever you usually needed to do before leaving for the day.

<3

You finally locked up the shop for the day, sighing deeply, in the last 5 minutes of your open hours a large group of women walked in, and of course, they were looking for flowers for a friend’s proposal. You were absolutely exhausted, like Jenna had told you you would be. You walked to your car as you got in taking another deep breath, pulling out your phone and pulling up your texts with Jenna- sending a message to her:

Y/N💕: Just got done, be there in a few sorry

as you sent down your phone you started up the car, not even a minute later you begin to drive to your shared apartment with Jenna. 

About 4-5 minutes later you pull into the front of the building, pulling your key out of the car and parking it. You stepped out of the car, closing the door behind you and stepping into the building, making your way to the elevator and pressing the 7th floor. Once you heard the ding of the elevator you stepped out and walked to the front door of you and Jenna always walked through, you unlocked the door as gently as you could trying not to make any loud noises just in cause Jenna was asleep. You walked in and closed the door behind you, locking it again as you took off your shoes and set down all of your stuff. 

Jenna immediately perked up from her stop on the couch, smiling at you and getting up and walking over to you, though usually- you loved being greeted like this by her you held your hands out in front of your body, keeping your distance from her body. Jenna looked at you with a puzzled expression “Baby? Are you okay?” The obvious worry was easy to hear in her voice was she spoke. “I just- need to go lay down…” you sigh as you tried to talk to the bedroom but Jenna gently grabbed your wrist stopping you “Y/N- did something happen?” 

You were already ready to snap- you really, really didn’t want to yell at her but you couldn’t hold in your frustration anymore “NO! NOTHING HAPPENED OKAY?!” You snap at her harshly, though Jenna didn’t budge “You should’ve let me stay and help you…” “I DONT NEED YOUR HELP WITH THE SHOP ALRIGHT? YOU DONT NEED TO WATCH OVER ME LIKE IM A LITTLE KID!” You hiss at her, your words hurt her a lot- but she could tell you were just stressed from the day. 

Jenna’s brows furrowed at your harsh done, her grip tightened around your wrist “So that’s how you’re gonna talk to me? After what I’ve helped you with? You’re just gonna treat me like I’ve been doing the wrong thing this whole time, I thought I was being a good girlfriend to you.” She scoffed “I never said you weren’t Jen-“ Before you could even finish your sentence her other hand had grabbed your hair, wrapping around her fist as she tugged it sharply making you wince “Shut up. If you want a bad girlfriend then fine, I’ll be a bad girlfriend.” She muttered at you in a Husky voice, your eyes widening at her sudden aggression. 

She walked you to the kitchen counter as you were stumbling backwards, she turned your back to face her as she shoved you down on it, making you groan in frustration “Jenna quit it-“ “I  told you to SHUT UP, are you fucking deaf?” You flinch back from her words, you want to apologize for how you yelled at her but you felt one of her hands on the back of your left thigh, the other still holding your hair tightly. 

She didn’t say a word as her hand worked it’s way across each of your thighs, a soft whimper escaped your lips as you felt her soft skin touching yours. “J-Jenna wait please-“ Her hand pulled your hair a bit making your head lean back, a groan escaping. “I don’t care if you’re not ready now, you’re gonna have to deal with me now- whether you like it or not.” She almost growled the words at you, a tingle being shot up your body. Her hand continued to work across your thighs before you felt her lifting your skirt a bit- you hadn’t had time to change when you got home since you had yelled at her, now you regretted opening your mouth even more. 

Her fingers gently glided across your thong as you almost immediately let out a soft moan “Geez your acting like you’ve never felt something like that…” She scoffed in a teasing manner “I haven’t, I never do anything sexual to myself- or other people for that matter….” You grumble, trying to ignore the fact that her single touch had already made you feel sopping wet. “Well I’ll tell you one thing, in the future I’ll be a lot gentler- but today I could care less how much you don’t want it.” She let her fingers run up against you again as you whimpered softly, your body eager but your mind wanting anything but what she was about to do to you- as you, were of course expecting the worst. 

She pushes your  thong to the side and before you can get a word out she presses her finger up against your clit, and just like that you let out a deep and desperate moan- your legs shaking. Jenna only chuckled as you were trying your best to keep from seeming like a complete- slut… her finger started to rub your clit as it ached for any sense of pleasure it could get, you continued to let a few moans slip out as Jenna continued to tease you. “You like that huh?” She softly whispered, you immediately nodded your head at her question, your body being lost in complete and utter pleasure. 

“Do you want me to go further…?” You let out whined of desperation as you nodded again, without even giving you a second to prepare yourself she moved her hand to your entrance and slid a finger in. Your body shivered at the sensation as your legs shook, you wanted to hide your red face from her but she still had your hair in her grip. Your stomach felt like it was in a knot as you groaned softly, the years of refusing to experience this type of pleasure made it feel like every single little touch was the best thing to ever happen to you.

 Jenna sighed softly at the sight of you, feeling your muscles tightening around her finger, she gently leaned her body on top of your back as she exhaled against your neck causing you to shiver. “You’re gonna love every second of this….” She sighed in a hushed voice, her lips pressing against your neck as she kissed you gently, her tongue circling the kiss as she chuckled softly pushing her finger farther into you. You took a shaky gasp of air, exhaling in- as much of a muted moan you could manage, biting your bottom lip as she kissed your neck again.

You felt her teeth digging into the skin on your neck, you whimpered softly as she held the bite for a little bit, obviously wanting to leave a mark. Once she felt like she had made a dark enough mark her teeth let go of your neck and she gently licked the marking to soothe the stinging pain you were feeling. She slowly started pumping her finger in and out of you, causing you to bite your lip harder in an attempt to keep yourself quiet. 

“Where’d all those moans and whines I was hearing earlier go…?” Jenna questioned in a soft voice her mouth near your ear as she spoke, you whined softly in response, not wanting to give into her teases at all. Jenna frowned a little bit, taking your silence to be a challenge- as you were struggling to keep your shaking body until control you felt another finger or two slip in immediately causing you to let out a loud moan of pleasure, your hips leaned into her fingers, whining desperately. 

Your mind was a fog of Pleasure and desperation, you wanted so much more of what little she was giving you, your body was aching for more. “p-please…” You mumble, Jenna perked up a bit at the sound of your slightly raspy voice “Please what? You’ve gotta specify what you want…” She chuckled “That’s kind of basic human knowledge-“ she snickered with a hint of teasing giggling hidden in her words “please…j-just give me more…I-I can’t take this…” you pant softly biting your lip after you finished your sentence, your hips still trying to find any sort of friction from her fingers. “You sure you want more?” Jenna questioned with a tilt of her head, you nodded your head frantically. 

You were half expecting Jenna to continue but you felt her fingers slipping out of you, causing a soft groan to roll off of your tongue. “Well you’re gonna have to learn to take breaks if you want more of that.” She crossed her arms as you mustered up all of your strength to turn yourself around to look at her. “W-wait what…? You’re just gonna stop?!- just like that?” Your eyes were wide with surprise as you were looking up to Jenna’s cold doe like eyes. “Just like that.” She retorted to you, then she let a soft sigh out and walked to the shared bedroom of you two and locked the door behind her.

Leaving you at the counter, hair a mess, sweaty and dripping wet. You couldn’t even say anything you were so shocked, but maybe she had a point-

“HEY WAIT THATS NOT FAIR!-“

(part 4 isn’t ready yet so no like goal for this one 🫶)

[ninapi]

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┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺╚══ A Perfect Circle ╝

Premise: When you like the guy who likes the guy that likes you, things get a little out of hand, when a triangle becomes a circle not just one gets hurt.

Word Count: 2266

Note/warning: in this series I'm going for a bit of punk Yamaguchi, even if it isn't cannon is just my personal favorite, lol. Also he's bi here, so you've been warned, while this is not full blown yaoi or anything of the sort it does have mention of feelings for the same sex. Nothing hardcore, reader is female.

Chapter 1: Midnight Kisses

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

College wasn’t easy, your time off was basically non-existent, if you had any it was mostly to complete your assignments or study for a test, that of course plus the time you had to spend in your part-time at a local coffee shop.

So when your classmate, friend and crush, asked you for help doing his hair, you had to call in sick and forgo sleeping the night before to finish an assignment just so you could hang out with him at his dorm, of course, he doesn’t know any of this.

Yamaguchi Tadashi sits beside you every Thursday in finance class. 

For a while, that was all there was to say about him being in your life, however, his shy demeanor and cool appearance managed to captivate your heart from day one.

The transition from classmates to friends was fairly painless, he was funny and smart, you enjoyed his company a lot and he did as well, you were caring, helpful and smarter than him, meaning you could help him study. Great foundations for a friendship, if it wasn’t for his stupidly good looking face and those cute freckles that don’t even let you go a night without dreaming of them.

Thinking of confessing was pretty much not an option though, as when you became friends you got to learn he’s had an all time one sided crush on his best friend since high school and that friend happened to be his own roommate.

And a guy.

While it did break your heart for a while, you noticed he did like girls after all, he was open minded and gender was not one of his concerns when choosing a partner. So it wasn’t all lost, at least not for you, one sided crushes get old, and if the right person for you comes to your life they can turn to dust. Or that’s what you told yourself at least, to find motivation.

Yamaguchi had invited you over to his dorm a couple of times already and you met this other guy before, while you could appreciate his good looks and how tall he was, he didn’t seem at all like the most lovable guy out there, they barely had a conversation and it was mostly one sided as well, just like their entire relationship. It did make you feel bad for him, but it also made your heart shine with hope. He didn’t seem so hard to defeat and Yamaguchi certainly deserved better than that.

You arrived earlier than expected to his apartment, ended up taking a taxi afraid of being late and Yamaguchi was still on his way back from school; his roommate opening the door for you.

“Um, hi! I’m Yamaguchi-kun’s friend, is he back already? I’m supposed to help him with something today.” the tall blonde just moved to the side of the door letting you into their shared small home.

“He’ll be home soon, stuck in traffic.” he just nodded towards the couch motioning for you to just sit there and wait like a good girl, quietly. But where’s the fun in that?

“Tsukishima-san right?” unwillingly he just nodded once more, unplugging the kettle from the wall.

“Tea?”

“Thank you, that would be lovely.” Tsukki wasn’t used to this type of sunny smiles, while he does have women chasing his every step, he manages to kick them all away as fast as possible; none of them ever caught his eye nor made him want to even chat with them.

But this time was different. He’s heard a lot about you from Yamaguchi and he feels like he already knows you, as weird as that sounds, he didn’t feel uncomfortable around you and that was definitely new.

“I have some fancy fruit tea my mom brought the other day, would you like to try that or green tea is fine?” why was he even bringing this out? He hasn’t even thought of this damn tea for weeks, but now he was suddenly very aware of all the snacks around the house that girls might enjoy.

“Oh I love fruity tea!” a small smile crept over his face, one that could creep someone out if seen up close, but thankfully you didn’t notice. 

“It’s a berry one…is that fine?”

“Yeah that’s lovely, thank you! You’re nicer than I thought you were.” chuckling, you nervously played with the tips of your hair, while you knew you’d be safe with him, this was pretty much the first time you talked to one another and were completely alone in the house just the two of you at the moment.

“Oh? Nah, you got it right, I’m not nice…” sighing, Tsukki shook his head while preparing your tea, then he brought out a tin with cute looking cookies which were not his in the slightest, yet he set a few on a small plate and handed it over to you along with a steaming mug of delicious smelling goodness.

“I mean…just look at those cookies and fancy tea! If you weren’t nice you would have left me here on my own and stay in your room eating all this goodness by yourself.” you were so delightful, he didn’t even think it was possible for a girl to be this nice to be around. No obnoxious questions or loud laughter, no flirting. Your smiles seemed real, you were truly enjoying his treats and company, no insults were needed, he could get used to this even if that on its own was a terrifying thought.

“Alright you got me, just don’t tell anyone…would hurt my reputation...” he laughed quietly and this made you smile even more. He wasn’t as bad as you thought and that was an understatement, he was actually nice and you didn’t mind one bit sharing some of your time with him.

A little under thirty minutes passed before Yamaguchi finally arrived home. He came in panting heavily, his face red with excertion as he kicked his shoes off and ran inside. “(Y/N)?”

“Yams! I’m here in your kitchen!” confused, he walked over to where your voiced echoed from, and was welcomed by a rare sight, Tsukki was sitting next to you on the other stool, both of you holding a mug in between your hands and eating some cookies while talking about turtles. Why turtles though? What did he miss? Was Tsukki smiling just now? He had so many questions.

“Are those…my cookies…?” he let out a loud gasp, an evil looking smirk covering Tsukki’s face immediately. “Can’t give her just tea, you know…I don’t own cute food….” he wasn’t mad at him for giving away his cookies, not at all, in fact he was enjoying how cute you looked with that bunny shaped cookie pressed to your rosy lips, a great use of the cookies he won at the convenience store lottery. What threw him off a bit was that Tsukki had just taken them without asking first, is something he’s never done before at least not with things like that.

“I’m leaving, have practice.” he got up from the stool, though not without giving you a soft smile and a nod before doing so, a rare sight indeed.

“Yeah….um (Y/N) is staying for the night. I think I told you already, but that’s fine right?” a part of him wished he’d get angry, jealous even, he wanted him to look his way, to feel threatened by the lovely girl spending the night with him; and he unexpectedly did look jealous, quite a lot I would say, but not for the same reason he wanted to.

“Yeah it’s fine, I left the air mattress on the couch so she can sleep better there.” when Yamaguchi looked towards the couch the front door could be heard being closed shut as Tsukki left the apartment, startling you, yet what startled Yamaguchi wasn’t the  loud bang but the fact that Tsukki hadn’t just pulled out the air mattress for you, but also set up two pillows, sheets and a fluffy blanket, his fluffy warm beloved blanket, one not even Yamaguchi has gotten to touch before. Just what on earth did he miss?

Deciding on ignoring his friend’s confusing behavior he went back to you who immediately fed him a bunny cookie as to distract him from the entire ordeal, which earned a smile and a giggle from him.

“Thanks, I needed that. Sorry I came home so late I tried getting here faster but the traffic was awful..”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t have to wait for long and that tea was lovely~

So what did you need my help with?”

Yamaguchi’s hair has been getting longer and he wanted to do something fun with it before he had to cut it all off for his internship next year, “Oh yeah! Can you help me bleach the underside of my hair? I suck at it…”

“Sure! Just bleach? Or are you going to color it too?” Yamaguchi truly enjoyed the simplicity of this conversation. It was always like this with you, everything was so warm and cozy, lots of laughs and lingering looks, it felt different for some reason, like the entire opposite of the way how Tsukki is with him, he felt wanted.

“Just bleach for now. I think it’ll look cool. I also have been browsing online for tattoo artists, wanted your opinion with that too.” It’s been in his mind lately how he wanted to do something liberating, something that would mark a milestone, the day he decides to move on from Tsukki, to finally confront reality and be with someone who truly appreciates him and wants to be by his side, romantically, hopefully that person would be you.

“Oh show me, show me! Do you have an idea of what you want already?” scooting closer to him, you looked like a cute little girl trying to look at his screen, it was endearing, made him want to squish your face and made his heart skip a beat or two at the closeness.

“Just some lettering…though still not sure what I want it to say…maybe on my wrist, something I could cover if I wear long sleeves.”

“Oh this one looks nice!” the picture featured stylized lettering with butterflies on top of some letters of the word to accentuate the fancy turns and swishes, making it look like a fairytale title in some book. “Shall we get matching tattoos? It’s such a pretty style!”

This made Yamaguchi blush, his heart fluttering, while he hated the idea of matching tattoos within couples, it was such a pure hearted request it made him smile at the thought of sharing something like this with you.

“You mean like the very same phrase or like you have one half and I have the other?” 

“I was thinking of the first one but I must admit the second one sounds even more cute.” you were blushing too, both of you were sporting a lovely pinkish skin tone, as you both smiled at each other like fools.

“Then lets do it! How about the lyrics of a song we both like? Would be more meaningful and only us two would know what is it about.” this was exciting, you honestly didn’t think he’d say yes, that’s usually reserved for couples, but you weren’t going to complain, is what you wanted after all.

You spent the entire night listening to your favorite bands and taking notes on phrases you both would find meaningful or interesting, eating some pizza and laughing at each other’s silliness until both ended up falling asleep on top of each other on the couch after his hair was done. 

Yamaguchi opened his eyes first and noticed how you were dozing off on his shoulder. Your hand was fisting the side of his shirt while you nuzzled his arm like a cute tiny kitten. Made him want to kiss you, and that wasn’t normal for him. Since he remembers he’s only liked Tsukki, only wanted to kiss him, only wanted him. But you were making his heart burst every few seconds and you made him feel excited about the littlest things, life was brighter, happier, it was something he didn’t want to loose next semester if you end up in different classes. He wanted to move on with his life, to bring you as much happiness as you brought for him.

Unconsciously, he leaned closer and closer until your faces were only inches away, his nose pressed to yours, as he glanced down at you with a loving gaze.

His nose tickled yours and made you stir, though having him this close meant this was certainly a dream right? Why else would he be at a kissing distance? For sure a dream, so why not enjoy it…?...closing the short distance, you pressed your lips to his and he kissed you back right away without hesitating. It was a soft kiss, loving, tender, yet quite intense; lips molding with each other, hands gripping clothing and hair, cute mewls and little moans leaving each other’s lips every few seconds. In all truth you have no idea how long this kiss was, but as soon as the kitchen clock announced midnight, a loud horrified gasp and the front door slamming shut could be heard, Tsukki had come back from practice a bit latter than expected tonight and had witnessed the tail end of the passionate encounter.

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Masterlist Next Chapter

[accirax]

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 11

oh my god

i had already guessed that Alec was lying (much like Jake did), but this was a really nice explanatory touch! Alec and Riya's friendship is, as usual, one of the season highlights for me.

would've been a lot more interesting if the campers could have chosen their own partners in one way or another, imo, but that would definitely eat up a lot of time in an already packed episode. plus, some pairings (like Connor and Riya) probably couldn't have happened this way, given how Riya wound up reacting to Connor.

"alright Fiore, here's how we prevent you from going home this week," one could say.

i was SO worried that Alec was going to have another confessional at some point being like "lol i was testing my acting skills on Fiore too" but he DIDN'T. which means this is CANON. THE ADOPTION IS BACK ON!!!!!!!!

okay, i actually love the decision to pair Hunter and Grett together here. both of them are the "very flawed but kinda mistreated partner of their appearances-obsessed date," so it makes sense that Hunter could give Grett a good perspective on this. also, is it just me, or did they rework Hunter's personality in this episode to be more like S2? i liked it.

i'm going to put every Fiore and Alec moment in this post and you can't stop me. i am initially thinking about them.

"joke's on you fucker i didn't teach her literally any of this. she's just built different."

as much as i enjoy Alec appreciating his daughter's sass, this does seem like a pretty radical heel turn from "i only voted Connor out of this game because it was what was best for him." i guess maybe spending time with Riya and the other villains has caused Alec to fall further off the deep end/forget about Connor's genuinely nice qualities...? or it's inconsistency between different writers, who knows.

i am 0% a jul(?) shipper, but, damn, the jul shippers were eating well this episode.

Yul is such an interesting little guy.

James flexing his character arc, we love to see it.

WHAT IS IT WITH THE CYAN WOMEN AND SECRETLY BEING JACKED????

society..... it's becoming more utopian........

see, this is why i didn't think Tess would be the one to return to the game.

Aiden is such a hater, i love him. but, overall, i agree with Lake. we're definitely sowing the seeds for a Jake redemption(/winner?) arc and a heroes' reunion.

Riya, finally finishing what she started in S2 of making the gays fall off cliffs.

villains are so fun. i love villains.

THE SOFT DAD SMILE IS BACK :D

ooh, nice callback.

this is an objectively funny screenshot. why does Alec yell like that

what a surprising outcome! (/s /lh)

:,) <3

i wish Aiden and James had more of an opportunity to talk during this episode :/ it's fine, though-- i think that James and Lake's characters were used more effectively this way.

they're getting back together after this trust me guys i'm disventure camp

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

they truly are family now. i love it.

"not that bad" is a weird way to describe your would-be crush.

this will be a fun scene! idk which episode "Saturday" will be, though. both because idk how many days will pass in any given episode and also bc i don't recall which day today is in canon.

i do wonder what evil Gabby is doing here. i guess maybe it'll just be the side of Gabby that wants to run with the villains alliance for power vs the side that wants to follow Ellie's advice? that seems kind of weird. maybe it'll be more like the side that wants to go mad with power on the revenge quest vs Gabby's more rational and strategic side? either way, strange cliffhanger.

can't we just have everyone here... always... all the time...? no? okay :( well, it was still really nice to get the whole gang back together for this episode. i'll look forward to seeing them again in the finale.

and, hey, Connor's back in the game now! and he can't be eliminated next episode, at least. are there going to be three players with immunity...? that could get spicy. we'll see how the heroes and villains smack down when the next real elimination rolls around. back up to ten to nine again... see you next time!

[walrus150915]

Hey it's been a while I posted here right

I have my own reasons for that (school) SO UMMM SORRY FOR NOT BEING HERE THAT OFTEN!!!!

The meal I made for you today has been cooking in my head for a while actually but the reason I post it now is bc I saw a post of one artist I follow who drew genderbent Goldenheart and!!!! Let me say!!!! My hand slipped

How I think Ballister and Ambrosius would look as women (let's go lesbians let's go)

I am deeply sorry for messing up Goldenloin's armour, I confused two shades of yellow😭

Basically no changes except the facial hair?? Oh yep and Ballister's a hijabi😎

I have thought about whether I should make Boldheart wear hijab but the idea to draw it as an upside-down shield (shield is Ballister's symbol according to the artbook) won me over😭 plus I made it look like his own hair shape from the side!

Drawing Ballister's face without his moustache was a challenge tbh😭😭 his facial hair is what completes his look and he looks weird without it

This little thing I made grey in the drawing? It's not hair, it's the first fabric under the brown one. I wanted it to resemble Ballister's haircut but also like not really

Now, to Ambrosius ig???

Nothing too complicated, it's basically him but with bigger chest and some resemblance of hips (have you seen my man? His cake so small it isn't even a cake)

I also like the idea of longer hair but like. You can't take away lesbian's undercut, she will collapse to the floor and dissolve

Idk guys imo if Ambrosius were a woman he'd be a soft butch or something ajzjajjeje😭😭😭

These lovelies together bcuz of course. Nothing is as lesbian as chopping your lover's arm off

(If you think about it, original Goldenheart is already yuri enough)

So ummm yeah that's the end of the post. I have a fic to finish and a long night to spend, hope you enjoyed! <333

[detroit-grand-prix]

letzte rose - ein ode an die pflicht

Toto Wolff x Susie Wolff Royal/Historical AU

Chapter Summary: After his time reflecting and soul-searching on how to resolve his loneliness, the Emperor decides to take his daughter up on an invitation for an evening out to the opera. When the curtain goes up, he realizes that maybe his heart hadn't been buried after all.

A quiet Monday afternoon followed a very busy morning, spent mostly receiving official guests in the audience chamber. Toto ate lunch alone, finding the need to decompress after a long morning of talking. As he sat and worked on the things he had set aside for the afternoon, he found himself feeling antsy.

“Maybe going for a walk would help”, he thought. He could stretch his legs, and clear his head. It had been three days since the gardener had given him the white rose, which was now on his desk, and his thoughts were buzzing after the epiphany he had come to, that maybe it was time to seek the companionship of another.

However, he didn’t want to bother with the list of names of eligible women his mother gave him, not yet. 

Toto liked to walk through the gardens when he could. He loved the palace gardens, and both the Schönbrunn and the Hofburg had extensive gardens with a wide variety of trees and plants, statues and fountains. His ancestors who had built both palaces had clearly always valued the beauty of nature, and brought it in from the world over, including an orangery filled with fresh citrus trees from the Americas, and a palm house filled with plants and trees from the tropics. 

The gardens at the Hofburg were much smaller than those of the Schönbrunn, but no less picturesque, but the way the biting November gales rattled the windows in his bedroom and study, plus the gloomy gray light, told him that today was best spent indoors.

So, he found himself walking the halls of the palace, toward the west wing that he rarely saw these days, aside from going to the chapel. It was clear from the reactions of some of the palace staff that it was a surprise to see Toto roaming the halls of this part of the palace at this time; even as they bowed and curtsied, he could see the mild shock on their faces as he acknowledged them with a nod. 

He continued walking down the hallways, his mind feeling pleasantly vacant of thoughts, just enjoying the journey without having a particular destination in mind. He thought about making essentially a large loop around the building, but he was stopped in his tracks by the distant sound of soft piano music. It was hard to make out what was being played, but as he drew closer to it, he was able to recognize the piece as the first movement of a Mozart piano sonata he quite liked. It was number 11, he believed, in A major. Whoever was playing it was quite talented, perhaps one of the court musicians. 

He was delighted when he arrived at the right room, and peeked carefully around the doorframe, not wanting to be spotted and end up interrupting whoever it was that was playing so wonderfully. 

To his pleasant surprise, over the top of the music rack, he saw his daughter’s head, the dark blonde ringlets at the side of her head swaying gracefully with her movements as she worked her way through the bouncier, more upbeat variations. He couldn’t help but smile, unable to resist the temptation to keep watching from the side of the doorframe. Thankfully, the end of the piano faced the door, and while it obscured most of her from view, it likely obscured Toto from being spotted, as he didn’t want to interrupt.

So he thought.

— I can see you, you know — Rosi said, though she did not stop her playing, except to finish the first Andante grazioso movement before moving onto the Minuetto. Her voice sounded cheerful, like she had to stop herself from giggling.

Toto blushed as he stepped into the doorframe, making little effort to hide his sheepish smile from view as he walked into the room, sinking into one of the elegant chairs set up around the piano. Rosi continued playing, giving Toto a slight smile as he sat down. The room was set up for a private salon, but Toto was not sure the last time he had attended one. He knew they were popular with some of the court’s ladies, and his mother frequently played hostess to them.

It was open, but relatively small and plain in comparison to the other rooms near it. It was on the second floor, almost directly above the chapel. Toto’s mother had had it redecorated a few times, very obviously not knowing what to do with its interior, and it showed. The walls were covered with a green floral wallpaper and matching window appointments that Toto thought clashed horrendously with the rich red carpeting and reddish wooden molding and wooden paneling along the lower part of the wall, and the enormity of the paintings and tapestries of the room didn’t help it look any less stuffy. 

But, it didn’t matter, he never came down to this room, and even now, he was too entranced by his daughter’s playing to notice the decor. 

Toto sat and listened as Rosa finished the grand-sounding Minuetto movement, and moved into the dizzying quickness of the Alla Turca. 

Rosi finished the last few chords with a flourish, and Toto applauded politely as she moved the bench back to stand and take a mock bow.

— That was wonderful — Toto said. He felt himself beaming at her with pride. Whereas Benedict had developed a talent and passion for sports, Rosi’s talents and sensibilities were firmly in things like music, and art. She had taken piano lessons from a young age, and while she had come to learn many instruments and had an impressive knowledge of musical theory, the piano was her passion — It’s been too long since I’ve heard you play, I think. So I am glad I decided to come this way.

— I was going to say — Rosi said, quietly playing something Toto thought sounded familiar, but couldn’t place it; another one of Mozart’s sonatas, if he had to guess — It has been a while since I’ve seen you outside of your office, aside for church and supper.

— Well — Toto said, with a smirk — You would have seen me at breakfast the other day, but you were with your aunt. So instead, I had the pleasure of only having your grandmother’s company.

Rosi giggled. 

— Yes, she told me that she brought up the idea of you remarrying again, and that you… uh, did not receive it well.

— Oh, is that all she said about it? I’m surprised — Toto leaned back a bit in his chair as he cocked an eyebrow. 

— Well, no… she said you had a bit of a tantrum about it — Toto laughed — That you stormed off in a huff and went to play with your horses, she thinks, just like you used to do when you were a boy.

Toto chuckled and shook his head.

— She’s not wrong, and I’m not proud of it. But, I’ve told her time and again that it’s not something I wish to discuss — Toto said, an air of concession in his voice. 

— I understand your frustration. She started talking to me about the suitors she has lined up for me, all of these men that are handsome and charming and are a perfect match for me because, but all of them are probably twice my age and will see me as nothing more than the daughter of Emperor Christian.

She finished her playing by pressing a random assortment of keys, making a sharp, crunching chord, and turned on the piano bench to face her father with a sigh.

Toto was always impressed by his daughter’s acerbic wit and wisdom beyond her years. She may have mostly gotten Toto’s features — his square jaw, wide smile, shapely nose, high cheeks, and dark brown eyes, but there was no question that she got her intelligence from her mother.

He chuckled softly. 

— You never know. I had not expected much when your grandmother arranged my marriage to your mother, but I would say that it worked out wonderfully. But, out of curiosity — Toto asked — And if you don’t mind my asking, I know this is not something we’ve spoken about before, but… what sort of man would you marry, if you had a choice?

— Hm — Rosi said, tilting her head back in thought. She was leaning with her hands on the back of the piano bench, swinging her feet back and forth gently as the toes of her shoes skimmed the top of the carpeting — I suppose I haven’t thought about it much. But, I would hope that he would like music, like me, you know, going to operas and concerts and the ballet. I’d want him to be intelligent, the sort of man who likes to read, has some curiosity… but, he should be kind, most of all.

Rosi’s eyes dropped back toward the keyboard of the piano in front of her. Toto knew that his daughter had seen many women of the court enter into marriages of obligation where a man would take a wife and, at best, ignore her, and at worst, treat her horribly. Toto certainly wouldn’t willingly marry his daughter off to some noble scoundrel to have her be miserable for the rest of her life, but without Stephanie, the matter of setting up his daughter’s future betrothal was mostly in the hands of Archduchess Johanna.

He wasn’t sure what to say, but before he could respond, Rosi spoke up.

— Speaking of operas, I know this is a long shot, but a friend of mine, Andrea, you’ve met him, but he goes by Antonelli, he’s one of the cellists for the company at the Kärntnertortheater, he says they have a new opera debuting next week. I know it has been a long time since you’ve gone to the theater, but… perhaps you’d like to go with me?

Toto blinked, surprised at the invitation, and trying to remember the last time he had gone to the opera.

He and Stephanie used to attend the theater frequently; both of them especially loved operas. Toto thought for a moment; the last one he remembered attending was the second premiere of Kreutzer’s Das Nachtlager in Granada… but that had to have been a decade ago, shortly after his wife passed. 

It was his first time going to a public event after her funeral, but the experience of going somewhere in public without having his wife to speak to. He hated having to sit by himself in the imperial box, he hated the way he kept seeing everyone glancing his way. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t used to standing out in public; it was impossible to go anywhere as the ruler of an empire without attracting attention, but when he was with members of his family, the attention didn’t feel like it was trained so sharply on him. 

Not to mention looks of pity and sadness that people gave him that night, his first time out as a widower, and without his children — made him uncomfortable enough that he decided it would also be the last. He could rule the nation, yes, but he couldn’t go out in public without someone by his side; the realization of which brought him great shame, furthering his disinterest. It was like he was trying to pull out a splinter, but only driving it deeper under his skin. 

The timing of Rosi’s invitation felt like another sign. He couldn’t undo the last eleven years and face them with more bravery and resolve, but he could face the future with it. 

— You don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course, I know you don’t really like… going out in public, not since mama died — Rosi said — But… I just thought, you know, maybe you would like to see this show. I’m told that it’s very funny. And that the lead soprano is very talented. I thought it might… cheer you up, and we could spend some time together.

Rosi took a long breath in and sighed, almost as if she was trying to steady herself before continuing.

— It is very fortunate that you’ve come down here, because I have been wanting to talk to you for a while, but you’ve been so busy that I haven’t been able to see you, but after I heard your argument with grandmother, I got a little worried that being so isolated for so long might be affecting you. I know it’s been very hard since mama died, but Bene and I have both been worried about you for a long time, and we just think it would be better if you got out more, like… you used to.

Toto’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

— I’m sorry if that was out of turn, but, I swear I’m just concerned for…

— You don’t have to apologize, my daughter. You are absolutely right, and I had actually arrived at the same conclusion myself after I spoke to your grandmother. I did some thinking to myself when I was in the Stallburg, and prayed to the Lord that He might send me some direction, and… well, I think it is time I stop hiding away. I think your mother is probably quite disappointed in me and would want the same — he said, remembering Phillip presenting him with the white rose; it was surely the sign he had asked for from Stephanie, her permission and reassurance that his life did not have to end with hers. 

However, the meaning of the rose — to him, at least, would be his own little secret, one last inside joke between Toto and his dearest departed wife.

— Now — Toto said, abruptly, hoping to change the subject — Tell me about this opera.

— It’s called Martha, I think, and it’s by Frederich Flotow. He premiered another opera called Alessandro Stradella here in Vienna two years ago. I hadn’t seen it, but I heard good things — Rosi said, her voice full of delight — Apparently this one is a romantic comedy… oh, and the woman playing the lead, the soprano? She’s from England, I hear!

If there was one thing that Rosi had loved as much as music, it was traveling. She had loved it since she was a child, as her mother did. She hadn’t traveled widely since she was younger, but being at court afforded her the opportunity to meet lots of people that came to Vienna from all sorts of places, like the diplomats, artists, and musicians that came to the palace, or to perform at one of the theaters in Vienna. 

When she was able, she loved to ask these visitors questions about what their home countries were like, what sort of food they had, what cities they had come from — really, all manner of things. Benedict had always been a bit more reserved, but Rosi was as outgoing as they came. 

— England? Interesting — Toto said. It was not unusual for guest artists to come from all around Europe to perform; having so many well-known composers hailing from Vienna over the last century had turned the city into somewhat of a hub for music, opera, and ballet, but he couldn’t recall ever having heard of someone coming so far from the west in a while — I wonder how she’s getting on with the language, I’m not sure if most of the English speak German.

— I asked Andrea that, too, since they've been doing final rehearsals this week, but apparently her German is rather good. I imagine she would have not gotten the part if it wasn’t, the libretto is in German.

— I see. It should be a wonderful show, then. I’m sure we will enjoy it.

Rosi’s expression changed once more, going from excited to pensive.

— Father… are you sure you want to go with me? I know you haven’t gone to any events in a very long time, and I know a big premiere like this will draw quite a large crowd, and I know you’ve never loved being in crowded places, so I don’t want to make you…

Toto was quick to get on his feet, walking to the piano bench without a word. He took both of his daughter’s hands in his. Rosi stood up to try and meet his eyes — a difficult task given how tall Toto was.

— What…

— My dear daughter — Toto said. His hold on his daughter’s hands was gentle, but there was a firmness and resolve in his voice that even surprised him — I would love to go with you, and I am so happy you thought to ask me first.

Rosi’s eyes widened, and a smile started to spread over her features that made Toto’s heart flutter. 

— I know that I have neglected a lot of my duties in the last few years, both as emperor and your father, but I feel that God is giving me a chance to put all to rights, so I shall take it — he punctuated a statement with a kiss to the top of his daughter’s hand — Besides, you will be with me, I have no reason to be nervous.

A look of pure elation spread across Rosi’s face as she took her hands back, throwing her arms around her father’s midsection. He stumbled back a bit so as not to fall over as his daughter buried her face in the lapels of his jacket.

— Oh, papa! — she squealed — I’m so happy!

Toto did his best to hug his daughter back, but found it difficult to bend over much further, so he settled for affectionately patting the back of her head, careful not to disturb her hair that was tied into a neat chignon. 

And so, on Thursday evening, Toto found himself seated in a carriage with his daughter for the very short ride from the Hofburg to the Theater am Kärntnertor with his daughter, flanked by a host of Imperial guards. 

Ordinarily, he would opt to wear his military dress uniform when appearing in public. He was proud of his military history and even now, thought of himself first and foremost as a military man, but Philipp had convinced him to wear a more ordinary evening dress; after all, he said, he was not attending the opera as the head of state, but as a father spending the evening with his daughter. 

It had been a long time since he left the walls of the Hofburg palace for an extended period, other than leaving to spend the summer in Bad Ischl, or to go to the Schonbrunn for state purposes, so it had been a long time since he had seen the way people stopped in the streets as the carriage went past to bow or curtsy. The way people looked at him — with shock or surprise — made him feel uneasy, but it wasn’t unwarranted, he supposed. He did his best to smile and wave in return.

The mood of the crowd inside the theater was a little different — the noise of the crowd rose to almost a buzz as people whispered excitedly as his retinue passed through the entry foyer on the way up to the imperial box, though they still bowed reverently, he noticed a lot of them were smiling.

He did his best to acknowledge as many people as possible, but by the time he and Rosi reached their seats in the imperial box, he felt a familiar anxiety creeping in. Rosi, perhaps sensing this — she was keenly observant — dropped back to walk alongside her father, giving his gloved hand a gentle squeeze as they ascended the stairs to their seats.

Toto felt a bit better once he and Rosi had taken their seats, with a pair of guards posted by the doors. 

The imperial box was, naturally, the best seat in the house, placed in the dead center of the mezzanine, hung with scarlet buntings and curtains trimmed in gold. A set of doors in the rear of the box lead to a grand-looking reception room, where there would be a private reception for the cast and musicians following the show, along with 

— Oh, there’s Andrea! — Rosi said, eagerly tugging at her father’s sleeve as she pointed into the orchestra pit just in front of the stage. — There, on the outside of the second row!

He glanced over and saw a young-looking man with a round, almost cherubic-looking face and a mass of unruly-looking dark curls on his head. He was deftly playing through his warm-ups as he noticed Rosi pointing him out, and shot her a small smile in return. He didn’t look like he was any older than Rosi was; Toto thought that he must have enormous talent to have gotten a seat in the Imperial opera company at his age.

He nodded in Andrea’s direction, and busied himself with looking at the playbill, trying to ignore the excited pointing and whispering of the parts of the audience that had doubtlessly noticed that the imperial box was occupied for the first time in a while. He browsed through the names of the cast, a few of which sounded familiar, probably from the newspapers, like the lead tenor, Mr. Erl, but his eyes kept going back to the line with the lead soprano billed. 

— Fraulein Stoddart — he said quietly. Something about the name piqued Toto’s curiosity; maybe the fact that Rosi had told him that the lead soprano was an Englishwoman, though it could have passed for sounding German if he didn’t know any better.

Before long, the house lights dimmed and the audience fell into a hush, and the conductor came out to applause and to tune the orchestra. Toto felt a strange shiver of anticipation before the overture started; not only it had been a long time since he had been to the theater at all, it was the first time he’d been to an actual premiere performance. Operas he had been to before had all been performed for years, so familiarity with the storylines was simply common cultural knowledge. 

All that the playbill had revealed was that the show was a romantic comedy set in England during the reign of Queen Anne, and very little else. 

During the overture, a lone costumed French Horn player came out onto the stage, in front of the curtain, setting up a small stool as he played a lyrical-sounding solo before being comically chased off by an actor in an English police uniform.

The overture ended with applause, and the curtain opened a few moments later to reveal a set that appeared to be the bedroom of a wealthy woman. There was a full troupe of maids onstage, and two women in elegant gowns, the likes of which Toto had seen in paintings of some of his ancestors. There was a brunette woman in a sky-blue gown, and a blonde woman, sitting on a chair in the foreground, facing away from the audience, her posture such that she looked positively disinterested in anything going on around her. 

The chorus of maids, including the woman in blue, started singing, and when he realized what he was hearing, his stomach dropped. 

— You have been so strange, my lady, may we know the reason why? You have seemed to change, my lady, with each day that passes by. Why are you so discontented? Do you want for anything? You have all that life can offer, all that rank and wealth can bring — they sang. 

If they weren’t using the term Lady, Toto thought they may as well be singing directly to him.

He turned his head to quickly glance at Rosi, but she was focused on the stage, but his emotions made another violent turn as the lead — this Ms. Stoddart — finally began to sing about the flowers and gifts she had been sent.

The moment she turned her face to respond to the chorus, there was a sudden squeeze on Toto’s heart. Her voice was heavenly; it was rich, full, and clear, and it rose over the orchestra with ease. He was unsure if her dramatic hairstyle was a theatrical wig or her natural hair, but it glowed like spun gold in the stage lighting.

— Leave me — she sang — Let me be blessed by loneliness. My joy be shared, I bear my pain alone!

By the time the introduction ended and the chorus of maids dashed offstage, Toto felt like his mouth was dry and his heart was pounding, but not in a way that made him feel uncomfortable.

No, it was something else.

He was enthralled. He was alive. He was in love. 

[mercerislandbooks]

Our Favorite Nonfiction of 2024

It's very nearly the last minute, and, just in the nick of time, we have our list of favorite nonfiction from 2024. I will admit that this area is not my strong suit, so my coworkers are doing the heavy lifting. These are for the readers who want to more deeply understand the world around us, the history behind us, and the future to come. Brave readers all.

If you're looking for a behind the scenes peek at the giants of the American writing scene, pick up one of Brad's favorites, A Chance Meeting. Brad says, "American Luminaries... they're just like us! They hang out, have coffee together and get into arguments. In Rachel Cohen's wonderful new book, we eavesdrop on artists and writers from Henry James to James Baldwin and witness the impact these men and women had on each other."

As for the editing and publishing side, Caitlin loved The Editor: How Publishing Legend Judith Jones Shaped Culture in America. "Judith Jones was the legendary editor at Knopf. She shaped the careers of Julia Child, Madhur Jaffrey, Anne Tyler and John Updike. Early in her career Jones saved The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank from the slush pile. What a life!"

Speaking of Julia Child, many of us love to cook (as well as read) at Island Books, and Laurie highly recommends Seriously, So Good by Carissa Stanton. She says anyone can cook from it and the food is delicious, which is exactly how I like my cookbooks!

Laurie also found Ina Garten's memoir, Be Ready When the Luck Happens "full of humor and dishy storytelling. The Barefoot Contessa entertains as she weaves the story of her childhood meeting Jeffrey and becoming THE Ina Garten. You'll enjoy this from start to finish!"

As for Cindy, her favorite nonfiction was Doppelganger by Naomi Klein. She says, "In Doppelganger, Canadian author, activist and cultural analyst Naomi Klein tours the persistence of The Doppelganger in history and literature while reckoning with her personal doppelganger, Naomi Wolf, author of The Beauty Myth turned conspiracy theorist ("Other Naomi"), with whom she is chronically confused or interchanged with by the public, mainly online. Part memoir, part social critique, Klein touches upon on issues of self-identity, self-presentation, online identity, the rapid dissemination of bad information, news, fake news, and the simmering entry of AI into our online constructs among many other factors that over the last few decades have contributed to the accelerated political polarization and societal disparity we are experiencing today."

Back to the realm of what we can control, from the author of Four Thousand Weeks, Victor highly recommends Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. "The perfect book for embracing and accepting your imperfections." Sounds like a good way to start out the new year!

Looking for a seafaring adventure to fill the void left by David Grann's The Wager? Brad says, look no further! "Hampton Sides brings Captain James Cook's final voyage to life in The Wide Wide Sea, while thoughtfully addressing the moral complexity of Cook's encounters with the indigenous populations of the Pacific Ocean."

If you'd like to explore a little closer to home, Nancy can't stop talking about Born of Fire and Rain. She says it's for the reader who is interested in the science and ecology of the Northwest. Plus it's beautifully written and illustrated. Come for the cover, stay for the words.

And for the micro-ecology of our own backyards, Backyard Bird Chronicles is perfect. Nancy says, "This is a great gift for anyone who likes to look out the window. Tan is showing us how to observe with no ulterior motive. Just the birds and beautiful drawings provide wonderful entertainment."

Caitlin loved There's Always This Year, saying it's "a book of fathers, sons, life, and, of course, basketball." And she picked Bluff, by Danez Smith, as a standout poetry collection from this year. She says she often read through individual poems multiple times, and calls it a "deeply thought-provoking look at civil action."

My own contribution is How to Winter, which I enjoyed so much that I wrote a whole blog about it. It's perfect for this time of year, but has tools that can help us shift our mindsets during any challenging times.

I hope one of these catches your eye, either for you, or for the nonfiction reader in your life! This link will take you to the book list on our website:

2024: Our Favorite Nonfiction

Happy perusing!

-- Lori

[ms-nesbit]

can you PLEASE do another jason todd x reader thing? mayb a short ficc?

honestly i loved doing one yesterday, and i've no problem with another today. ig today is good for taking requests overall!!!

summary: y/n is a bookkeeper and Jason is a regular customer (but only on the y/n's work days).

note: again, fluff. I am aware of Jason's relationships with women in the comics, and I want to strike a fair compromise (since I really do write him as demisexual in most AUs).

The bell attached to the entrance door to Gomez Books rang, signaling y/n to perk up from her seat behind the register.

"Good morning, welcome to — oh, hello, Mr. Todd!" she smiled brightly once she identified the tall figure near the register. "How was Memphis?"

Jason nodded. "Quite good, actually. A tad too realistic, but sometimes we all need that, right?" he chuckled, to which y/n laughed sympathetically. "But I was wondering if you recommend something new for me? If that isn't too much, of course."

He reached around and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, exposing some of his bicep from the t-shirt he wore. Y/n watched as the muscles tensed, distracted from the conversation for a moment before clearing her throat. "Yes, certainly! It is my job, after all!" she rose from her seat and brushed off her trousers. "Would you please follow me?"

Jason obliged, and followed behind y/n as she guided them through aisles of shelves and stacks of books. Occasionally, his eyes would wander to her hips, wondering how soft she would feel, or if she would beam as brightly at him as she would at her books.

"And here we are!" she chimed, handing Jason a book titled Stardust. "Since you made the comment about realism, I thought perhaps this would spark some interest."

Jason thumbed through the pages, sharing mild interest. "It's about a boy's travel to manhood, and the real meaning of love and self-worth." Y/n slipped her hands in the back pockets of her trousders nonchalantly. "And I think your girlfriend would like it, too. Or boyfriend!" she hesitated, laughing nervously.

Oh my god she's adorable he thought to himself, eyes beaming at her. "I don't have either of those." he smirked. "Is it like, heavy on the romance?"

Y/n sighed. "Yes, it is. It's not about some American values, if that's what you're worried about. But it does contain some symbolism that I personally found interesting."

Jason's head cocked to the side as she spoke, in awe by her devotion. I'm in love with a damn bookkeeper. "That sounds decent. Plus it's relatively short, so I may finish it before the end of my shift." he spoke solemnly as they walked together back to the register.

"If you want," y/n started, "I can lend you my personal copy, and you can return it whenever you're finished." she sat back down in her seat, flipping through her knapsack. "Here." she removed another copy from her bag, this one showing obvious signs of love. "Sorry for the little water stains and whatnot."

Again, Jason smiled brightly at her. "And you'll be around by like 5 this evening so I can bring it back?"

Y/n shook her head. "I get off in a couple of hours at 3." She tried to suppress a smile, as she knew exactly what he was thinking.

That's because he only frequents the shop when y/n's around, Mr. Gomez divulged a little too eagerly.

Who's that guy? Clarice asked y/n, pointing at Jason, I've never seen him around.

"Oh." his shoulders slumped as his grip of the book tightened. "W-would I be able to keep it until your next shift? That way I can return it to you directly?"

It was the first time y/n saw Jay so nervous. "How about this:" she began, rising from her seat and reaching over to slip a note in the book, "you can return the book back to me tonight and we can discuss it over dinner."

"Y/n." she finished. "And, uh, wear something red, if you will." she checked him out and flashed him a titillating look.

Heat rose to Jason's cheeks as he nodded. He opened the book to read the note, which read Call or text me, Romeo xoxo with a phone number scribbled at the bottom. "I think I'd like that..."

Jason grinned from ear to ear, beginning the first chapter of Stardust after he sang, "I'll pick you up then, y/n."

[not-so-private-thoughts]

On lesbian relationship abuse

I really do think that queer women* are uniquely vulnerable to abuse in first queer relationships. It’s an experience that I’ve seen anecdotally over and over again in niche queer circles but rarely discussed beyond that. I know there is writing about lesbian domestic abuse from the 1980s and 90s, but I don’t know of much from more recently. With the growing mainstream awareness of queerness, there has been a growing push to sanitize and purify experiences of queerness in order to gain acceptance. This has resulted in moves away from talking about the ugly things that are also a part of queerness. Something from Carmen Maria Machado’s memoir “In The Dream House” that really stuck with me was the idea of over-purifying being dehumanizing. Humans are imperfect and placing the expectation on one group to be above that removes them from that level of humanity. I think that widespread conversations on lesbian relationship abuse will have genuine positive impacts on many lives. It’s hard for me to say if these conversations would do much to prevent abuse or flag early warning signs, but certainly, it’s something that will help survivors. I also know that there are parts of this that will be relevant to straight experiences of relationship abuse, and even other gay experiences, but in speaking from my own experience, this will draw heavily on experiences of lesbianism.

Machado is nearly 20 years older than me, and her experience of queerness is necessarily different than mine because of that. She didn’t talk a whole lot about her early experiences with ideas of lesbian relationships, but I believe that the way we conceptualize those is important. When I was just coming into my queerness, I believed relationships with women to be magical. Why did I place women on this pedestal? I wasn’t as deeply into online spaces as a lot of my peers were, but I dabbled. I was present enough to absorb general attitudes of queerness from queer women. And they were ones of fantasy and perfection. They taught me that girls are soft and sweet and warm. Growing up disillusioned with relationships with men, feeling something for a girl only served to confirm these ideas. The girls I had crushes on gave me butterflies with their smiles and their giggles. The boys I knew bothered me with their boisterousness and grossness and everything else that is just a fact about teenage boys if you ask a teenage girl. Plus, I was a girl, and that sameness immediately earned these crushes an extra level of familiarity. Familiarity, closeness, trust, it all gives someone passes to be shitty. And that’s not to say I am disillusioned with love or care, I believe wholeheartedly in the importance of companionship and partnership. I just also know firsthand how someone can break you by knowing you.

Since rereading “Dream House” this fall, I really haven’t been able to stop turning these ideas over in my head. I see them everywhere. It’s become an obsession. Maybe it’s to do with the closure I never got and my experiences of abuse that have never been voiced or validated. I think moreso though, there is a pervasiveness to these ideas of queer female fantasy that are lovely but so dangerous. They blind us to the cold reality that some women are scary. Like not in a fun romantic way, truly the stuff of nightmares years later. (As a side note, the nightmares that I run into now nearly three years out about her are that we meet today and she is kind to me. Those are the scariest ones yet, because they mean I’ve been wrong all along.)

This isn’t a finished thought, I really do have a desire to turn this into something more, but I have no idea what that means. I want it to be something that has the depth, rigor, and simultaneous accessibility of a high quality video essay, but I have none of the skills for that. And so for now it will simply grow between a personal google doc and an unnoticed tumblr blog.

🪼

*The language here is imprecise and imperfect. By queer women, talking about these relationships, I’m referring to people who are in relationships that exhibit the positionality of lesbianism. Neither party in the relationship must necasarily be a lesbian or a woman. I will contunue to use the words lesbian and queer woman but the understanding of nuance in those terms should be assumed throughout, these words are used for convenience.

[stormblessed95]

Hi I’m an 8th/9th grade teacher and I’m looking to buy some new books for my classroom and you seem to be reading a lot of YA recently!! Would you mind sharing some recommendations you think are uh appropriate for me to purchase through the school? You seem to read a lot of fantasy/sci fi/romance which is a lot of what my kids like 🥰 thanks!

YA fantasy/scifi and romance! Yessss I can!

I just finished Legendborn by Tracy Deonn and started it's sequel today and it was AMAZING. Highly recommend. It's a King Author + magic retelling, Black Main Character written by a Black Author and done SO WELL because duh, own voices. It's dark academia fantasy and such a killer debut novel FOR SURE. And it's got a the classic YA love triangle and some romance thrown in too. Plus February is Black History Month, great time to support BIPOC authors 💜 (Duolgoy)

Scythe by Neil Shusterman is a YA SciFi dystopian and its SO GOOD. It's a story about how in the future, death no longer exists. The only way a human can die is by being gleaned, aka murdered, by the Scythes. They are trained to deal out death to those who deserve it and contain the human population in the most humane way possible. Yet, there is lots of betrayals and power plays and double crossings happening between those in power of the Sycthe organization. And yes, a very cute side plot romance here too (Trilogy)

The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong. It's a YA Paranormal Urban Fantasy. It's actually like the YA verison of one of my favorite adult series of hers and it's set in the same world with little Easter eggs connecting the series. But can be read as a standalone trilogy. It follows Chloe discovering she is a necromancer and thrust into this supernatural world and all that comes with it, including a werewolf love interest and the classic YA love triangle and romance. Still so good honestly too. (Trilogy)

This Savage Song by V.E. Schwab. It's a YA Dark Urban Fantasy that basically explores the overall themes of how humans can be the monsters too. It's SO GOOD. Basically 2 kids of powerful men on either side of a war that is destroying their city, must choose whether to become heroes or villains—and friends or enemies—with the future of their home at stake.... and while one is human, one might be something else entirely 👀 Literally it's so good. And yes, it does end up having romance too (Duology)

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas. It's a YA Paranormal fantasy story about a gay trans boy who while trying to get his family to accept both his gender and his powers (the men are traditionally spirit guides and the women are healers), accidentally summons a ghost, who then refuses to move on. And yes, its got a VERY sweet and cute romance here too. Plus own voices trans rep (Standalone)

Illuminae Files by Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman. A YA SciFi Trilogy where it's one of the most unique formats of crafting a story I've ever read. It's told through a series of files and emails and transcripts and it's SO FUN. It follows the story of Kady and Ezra and the journey they go on after their tiny space mining colony was attacked and destroyed. And oh yeah, they had just recently broken up but they Still love each other 😏 and what in the AI happens in this book too! Lol (Trilogy)

And I really wasn't kidding about it being a uniquely written book and yet somehow the audiobooks are just as well done too lol

Warcross by Marie Lu. A SciFi YA Dystopian Novel that is basically like an emersive video game. It follows our main character as she becomes lowkey a spy and bounty hunter. Yes, it's got romance and betrayal and plot twists and rainbow hair and constant reminders that nothing is truly as it seems. And it's so good. (Duology)

As always, make sure you look up content warnings. I didn't list them here this time. But these are all scifi/fantasy YA novels that include a fun romantic side plot that I've LOVED when I read them. Hope this helps and thanks for asking! I have more I can suggest too of course

[summersnow82]

Somethin' Bad - Part 18

Summary: We get a glimpse into the Hackett's past.

Trigger Warnings: Attempted murder, abuse, pregnancy loss, miscarriage

Author's Note: I apologize for the delay - I've had some medical issues that have taken up a LOT of head space for me, plus it's baseball season for the kiddos. (Y'all, T-Ball is the cutest thing EVER!) Thanks for sticking with me. This chapter's a bit short, and I'll do my best to get the next out quicker.

Part 18

“Who did you lose, Travis?” The question hung in the air, and Travis let the silence grow between him and the younger man. Sean’s gaze didn’t waiver, and he seemed content to wait for an answer.

Travis looked away first, scoffing as he grabbed for the bottle again. “Shaddup.” Sean waited, his piercing blue eyes steady on Travis; blue eyes much brighter than Evie’s.

“Oh, honey, that’s… that’s a big question right there.” Annabelle was surprised her question was the one thing to seemingly throw Darlene’s composure. “I mean, you really should be asking Travis about this.”

“Travis isn’t here, though,” Annabelle replied gently. “And honestly, after what happened today I think I have a right to know what’s going on if I’m going to stick around.”

“Tell her, Darlene,” Frank’s said, stopping in his tracks to turn and look at the two women. They’d finally left Travis’ house, and Frank had insisted on carrying Annabelle’s backpack. She’d crammed as much of her and Sean’s things in as possible, and the weight was clearly getting to the older man. “Tell her,” he repeated. “She deserves to know if she’s going to continue seeing him. Needs to know what she’s getting herself into.”

Darlene sighed, resigned to the fact her husband was right. That didn’t make it any easier, though. “Oh, honey.”

Evelyn House was one of the prettiest girls in North Kill. Her beauty radiated from the inside out, only emphasizing her chestnut curls and slate blue eyes. She was fair of face with a figure like a 1950s starlet, and she was known for her keen intellect and gentle demeanor. It was odd to the townsfolk of North Kill she would willingly choose to date a Hackett boy, especially Travis. Despite their prestige and history within the town, everyone knew Constance Hackett had lofty goals for all her boys, none of which included dating a small town girl.

Travis, on the other hand, fell for Evelyn the first time she smiled at him from across the chapel during mass. She was surrounded by kids from their class, but it was clear she would have preferred to be by his side.

“Travis has always had that air about him like a wounded animal. Makes a kind soul like Evelyn want to take him in, and breathe life back into him.”

And she did.

Whenever Travis was around Evie he felt loved, important, seen. His mother’s criticism didn’t sting as much, and his father’s indifference didn’t seem as palpable. Constance noticed, and she did not approve.

“I planned to marry her. Planned to have a whole mess of kids with her. An unplanned pregnancy before the wedding didn’t bother me, but it sure bothered her pa.”

“I will never, ever understand parents who cast their children out,” Darlene said, shaking her head sadly. “Travis was so brave, standing up to Hugo, and telling him a baby was a blessing no matter what. Telling him they were going to get married anyway. Her daddy wouldn’t hear it, though. Said he’d give her the abortion himself.” Annabelle shuddered at the thought. “I’ve never seen Travis so terrified.”

Frank had slowed his pace, wrapping an arm around his wife as he sensed her grief. “Darlene took Evie in after that. The poor girl was too scared to stay in her own house.”

“She finished the semester out with me. Her parents didn’t even come to graduation, although I know her mama wanted to come. I knew Hugo was a hard man, but I didn’t know how hard.”

Annabelle felt a chill run down her spine, and the hair on her arms raise; some of the puzzle pieces were beginning to fall into place.

Constance Hackett never liked Evelyn, but Chris and Bobby adored her. Travis was excited for the baby, and they were happy for their brother and soon to be sister-in-law.

“I suppose… you hope for something long enough when it eventually happens you don’t stop to question why it’s happening. I should’ve warned her. Should’ve been more suspicious. But I thought...”

“Evie wanted Connie to like her so badly, especially after everything that happened with her folks. She was so happy when Connie invited her over. ‘Just us girls’, she’d said. Had the boys set up to go fishing while they had tea and talked about the nursery Connie was working on.”

North Kill was quiet as Darlene spoke, as if the town knew what was coming, and it held too much respect for the past to make a sound. The trio stood in a small circle on the sidewalk under a tree slowly waking up to the coming spring. Silent tears ran down Frank’s face while Darlene’s eyes shone brightly with her own tears threatening to overflow.

Sean’s breath was caught in his chest. Travis had been silent for a long time now, staring off in the distance, reliving the past. When his eyes finally fell on Sean they looked vacant and hollow. “You’re lucky you survived that house, you know. Most of us don’t.”

Looking back, Evelyn admitted Constance’s insistence of having the nursery on the third floor was odd. Evelyn overlooked it, though, chiding herself for even acknowledging the mental red flag when Constance was making such an effort to bury the hatchet. One minute she was standing at the top of the stairs, and the next she was in the hospital in anguish.

Annabelle was shaking her head, willing away the words she knew were coming next. “No.”

“The baby didn’t make it,” Darlene whispered, a sob breaking through, and she buried her face in her hands.

Frank moved to wrap his arms around his wife, meeting Annabelle’s horrified stare as she continued to shake her head. “No. No.”

“Dunno if it was the surgery or the understanding of what happened, but Evie barely made it through. Her folks didn’t show for awhile. Her ma finally came by to say she could come home now that the baby was gone.” Travis’ mouth twisted into a hard knot, and he took another swig from the bottle.

“...and your mom?” Sean was afraid to ask. The nausea was building, bile rising in his throat as the story continued to unravel.

Travis cast a withering glare in his direction. “What do you think, college boy?”

Evelyn refused to press charges even though everyone suspected she didn’t lose her balance as Constance claimed. Any cordial feeling Constance had presented were gone, and she never stepped foot in the hospital. It was suspected, though never proven, that Evelyn laid on the floor far longer than Constance originally stated; an ambulance only gave Constance the illusion of caring, and the doctors suspected the bruising on Evie’s stomach was from more than a hard fall down several flights of stairs.

“Hank tried to get Evie to press charges, but she wouldn’t do it. Kept saying it wouldn’t bring back her baby boy. All it would do would cause Travis more pain, and she wouldn’t do that. Loved him too much.”

Annabelle felt cold all over. “Get in the house before someone dies,” she murmured, recalling Travis’s words earlier. She felt like she was going to be sick again. “Where is Evie now?” She asked hesitantly.

“Her aunt and uncle down in North Carolina heard the news. They were livid with her folks. Came all the way up here, and offered to take her back with them. She could go to college there, and what scholarships didn’t cover they’d take care of for her.” Travis shrugged. “Seemed like good people for the short time I met them.”

“He told her to go. Told her it was a chance she couldn’t pass up. Tried to seem casual about it, but I know that boy inside and out,” Frank said softly. “He cast her out like he did you because he knew in his gut what his mother had done. Knew it even if no one could prove it. Knew she’d try again, and this time Evie wouldn’t survive.” Frank held her gaze steady and intensely, and Annabelle knew he was thinking of what could’ve happened if they hadn’t shown up this afternoon. Annabelle’s chill grew. “He didn’t turn you out because he doesn’t love you anymore,” Frank said firmly, holding her gaze. “He turned you out to keep history from repeating itself.”

Sean swallowed the bile rising in his throat. Travis was wrapping his story up. “… last I heard she was teaching Kindergarten. Got married, adopted a couple a kids on account of…,” he trailed off, sniffing and taking a long pull from the almost empty bottle. “On account of my mother’s handiwork preventing her from having kids on her own.” He shook his head, laughing bitterly. “Called herself damaged goods. Said I should marry someone who could give me kids of my own.” Travis slammed the bottle down on the desk so hard a framed picture tipped off the side. Sean reached for it quickly, catching it before it hit the ground. “See how well that worked out, huh?”

Sean stared at the picture in front of him. Travis was in his army uniform, kneeling next to a little boy.

“My nephew Caleb,” Travis told him, reaching for the picture. “One of the few who tried to save you from that hell of a house.”

Sean was silent for a moment, trying to read Travis’ face. “I’ll make sure to thank him,” he replied softly. “Travis - ,” he began.

“Don’t.” Travis shook his head, tilting the bottle back to finish it off. “Just… you asked. Now you know.”

“So now you know,” Darlene said, her voice wispy from her tears.

“Yeah,” Annabelle replied quietly, nodding. “Now I know.” And I kinda wish I didn’t, she added silently. Because now… now she understood Travis on a whole new level. Now it felt like there was much more at stake than just ending a werewolf curse.

[yumenoyousei]

Wash day, a Jason Todd x Black!OFC Drabble

Rated: G, around 750 words Summary: It's Shay's wash day and she worries about which hair style to do.

Also cross-posted on ao3 in my DC OC drabble collection, Phenomenal. Get to know my OC, Shay Frank in this post. All the fics are in a ao3 series, and the main fic is Awaking in Gotham.

This is an absolute self-indulgent little story. Dedicated to all the black girls who struggle with their natural hair. ❤️

Her hair day was sacred and it annoyed Shay that she hadn’t had the time to do one.

As much as she loved to be pampered by Deena or her girls, she liked the calm of doing her hair by herself. The time it gave her to reset, to relax and be one with herself.

But while she took the time to feel anew, it was also the time she decided on her next look and vibe. This time around, she had no clue what to do.

(That was not true. She had one idea. She still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.)

She shook her head and focused on the now: her braids had been unbraided, she detangled and pre-poo her hair, she would shampoo and put an overnight treatment.

The rest could wait until tomorrow.

-

Shay was massaging her live-in conditioner through her hair and the idea just couldn’t leave her.

She wanted to go with a gel-based wash-and-go. 

She hadn’t done one since her days in Metropolis, encouraged by Jen. She still had some water-based gel, even if she rarely used it.

Shay sighed, her fingers getting tired. She could do a wash-and-go for a couple of days and wig it once tired of it.

Uncertainty swirling in her heart, she took the water-based gel out of her shelves.

-

Shay had forgotten how long and painful it was to dry her hair with a diffuser and gave up halfway through. She stared at her reflection, her curls were defined in their 4C tightness. They were longer than when she had been in Metropolis, finally touching her shoulders.

Though, the shrinkage was real and she wanted to have more volume. She stared at the dryer once more, remembering that Deena had told her that a diffuser was the key to volume. She wrinkled her nose.

Instead, she found her hair pick comb and started to pick the roots gently until she had a tad more volume. 

“You done?” She heard Jason say from the other side of the apartment, not yet seeing her.

As the uncertainty came back to her stomach, she managed to say: “Yeah.”

Jason’s head popped in the mirror’s reflection and Shay’s eyes stayed glued to his reaction.

“You haven’t done those since we’ve been together. How you call it? Wash-and-go?”

Her shoulder sagged a bit, her lips curled up. She couldn’t believe he remembered. “Yeah. I usually don’t have time for it but I dunno I felt like it…” She shrugged.

“I like it,” he replied, eyes full of sincerity.

“You do?”

Jason stopped for a second. “Shay, you could shave your head and I'd still think you gorgeous. Plus, I know you love those hairstyles. You always, always compliment them when you see a girl in the streets or when on TV.” He paused. “Why you so afraid of?”

Shay sighed. “I’m a public figure and a black woman. I know the algorithm favours Black women with silky hair or braids. And that’s not even the political statement I make just because it's my natural hair, even if all I had in mind was being cute.”

“Fuck ‘em.”

“Jay…”

“No seriously Shay, for today, for this week, fuck ‘em.” He gently kissed her temple. “Besides, you have a good fanbase that won’t unfollow just because your hair ain’t in their standards.”

Shay looked again at her reflection, seeing the smile blooming on her face. “I do look good with it.”

“There’s my girl.”

She snorted and turned before wrinkling her nose. “You got gel on your chin!” She took a damp towel to wipe his chin while Jason laughed. 

“Let’s go on a date today,” Jason exclaimed.

“Huh?”

“You said you had nothing today, not until later. And you finished your hair. Let’s go out. We haven’t had one of those in a while.”

It was true that they hadn’t had a date, a real date that wasn’t just chilling on the couch, in a while. “You got somethin’ in mind?”

Jason only smiled.

Shay wouldn’t know if Jason had planned it or if it was truly a spur of the moment, but she was grateful that he brought her to Gotham Botanical Garden, recently reopened with Poison Ivy’s (unasked) remodelling.

He took so many pictures of her that she had to post them on her social media accounts.

And watching herself smile so widely, surrounded by beautiful flowers with her natural crown, she could only find herself beautiful.

In the end, she stayed with a wash-and-go for a month, every other day finding new ways to style them, and every day appreciating her hair more.

The End