#on the one hand every time i spend time writing it's so validating to get to go. 'oh i DO love this. i really really do.'

[ch-4-eri]

First Time? — Lara Croft.

Lara X fem!reader

warnings: virginity taking, smut, fingering, pet names, lara being such a heartthrob. (proofread but sorry for any mistakes.)

anon request.

i finally finished writing this oooo, sorry i rushed the ending.

you were getting ready on the floor of your bedroom, your phone lighting up with a new text message from your girlfriend, Lara.

she promised she’d take you for a walk around town now that you have a break from college exams, random quizzes and all that.

you were very grateful she’s understanding, she did go to university herself, even if she was over five years older than you.

you dabbed some blusher on the apples of your cheeks with the mirror in front of you, then took a hold of your phone to remind her you’ll be there soon, you wouldn’t be late.

it was hours later as you begged Lara to sit down, your legs gave out from the walking you’d already done, sweat breaking out from your forehead.

“jeez, honey.. you’ve got the stamina of a baby.” she said, taking a seat next to you, opening her bottle of water to give you a sip, wiping your sweaty forehead with her palm, then wiped it over her shirt, you liked how Lara didn’t care much for such stuff, like getting your sweat on her clothes.

“drink up.” lara broke you out of your thoughts as you opened your mouth and took a sip from her bottle, lara fixed you up a little, patting down the flying out hairs off your scalp and the side of your face, grabbing a tissue to wipe your cheeks, she’s often motherly with you, at some point you did find it weird but now? you didn’t mind it one bit.

you liked how she took care of you without asking for anything in return.

as she allowed you another sip from her bottle you smiled and chugged it down your dry throat. “are you okay? damn, i’m afraid you’ll pass out on me.” Lara scoffed, smoothing down your shirt.

“i’m fine, sorry.” you finally chuckled, you had no idea why you were so lost in thought that day, you couldn’t help but think.

maybe what had you this hazed up is the thought of lara intimately the other night, and you forced yourself to sleep so you don’t have to think much of it.

Lara knew she had to take it slow as you were much younger than her, and she didn’t want to jump into anything that would make you uncomfortable, she’s so sensitive about the fact that she could do anything that would hurt you, or make you uncomfortable around her, so she hoped you’d initiate it first… until then she’s gonna wait, she’d wait forever for you.

but you? you couldn’t initiate shit, you were a nerve wreck, so damn awkward, maybe you were even slightly self conscious, Lara had no idea you were a virgin, she thought you had a wild past, considering you were in your early twenties, it’s valid for people this age to do so much and you didn’t wanna confirm nor deny things, so you kept quiet.

every time you tried to initiate something, you were worried you didn’t shave, or didn’t shower, you probably smelt bad, you’d just stand there like a fool and forget all about it, idea tossed to the side.

you brain was your worst enemy, and it didn’t help that Lara was one of the prettiest women you could ever be with, you can’t imagine being inexperienced with her, or doing something stupid or looking ugly in such a special moment.

Lara walked you home that day, then you insisted she spends the night, only because it would be fun… right?

Lara on the other hand didn’t think of it that way, she was so sure you’d finally initiate something, she felt so excited she couldn’t breathe at all.

as you opened the door to your bedroom, Lara walked in. just trying to act normal, for now.

she looked at your room, your bed, it was a single bed.. damn.

Lara cleared her throat and went through your books on the shelf, impressed by the variety of collections you had, small figurines she found adorable as you flushed in embarrassment, she was never in your bedroom, it felt nice to have her here though.

she finally took a seat on your bed then, stretching out on your single bed she’d definitely tease you for later.

“pretty room, never imagined your room to be this… singular though.” she giggled, leaning on her knees with a smirk, her brown eyes searching through yours, making your cheek flush a pink shade Lara adored.

“i… yeah..” you blushed.

“don’t be shy, singular beds can be nice too.” Lara said, kicking her boots off as she flopped down the bed, not having space much for you if she were to ever stay the night in your bed like this, she looked amazing on your bed, you couldn’t help but stare as a feeling pooled through you, your cheeks getting redder than before.

you were playing with the hem of your shirt as thoughts rolled around your head, listening to her breathe, her figure resting on your bed like that.

it was so tempting.

you wanted her.

every fibre of your being was aching for her, for her touch, but you couldn’t, you were so scared.

as your thoughts ate away at you, Lara caught on, she always knew, she just hated to pressure you.

she called your name, causing you to look into her warm brown eyes that looked yellow from certain angles and lightings.

“what’s wrong? you’ve been lost in that pretty head of yours all day.” Lara sat up on your bed, her hand taking yours as she placed a soft kiss to your knuckles.

you gulped, you’re gonna say it.

you’re gonna admit it, both the fact that you were a virgin, and the fact that you’ve been craving her for months.

you bit down your slightly chapped lip, turning on your bed to face her, there goes nothing.

it’s better than drowning in these thoughts and feelings, you have to be honest with her, it’s a commitment to do so and you were so committed to Lara.

there’s nothing wrong with being honest about your lack of experience; you knew Lara isn’t shallow and close minded.

you rubbed the side of your head as your breathing caught in your throat, your words choked, you needed to pull yourself together.

Lara took a hold of your chin with her free hand as she leaned her head closer to yours, seeking out your expressions, wanting to understand you and understand your feelings. Lara knew you were too hard on yourself sometimes and barely let it out.

she waited, squeezing your chin softly in her rough fingers.

“i’m..” you finally started, one step at a time.

“Lara i’m… um..” you paused, your tongue tied and your palms so sweaty.

“you’re what, honey?” Lara softly muttered, her fingers still placed underneath your chin, her other hand rubbing your thigh in comfort.

“a… virgin.” you whispered, your gaze averted, refusing to keep eye contact, your embarrassment was bad enough as it is, you can’t imagine how she’d look at you as your thoughts ate away every ounce of common sense you could have had over this.

Lara forced your chin upwards, your gaze falling back into hers.

“and that’s a problem, how?” Lara mumbled, leaning closer to you, the tip of her nose brushing against yours. “tell me.. how’s that a problem?” she asked, her fingers tightening against your chin.

“it’s.. n—not..” you breathed, unable to say anything, she made your brain a mush of mess, unable to think straight.

as if anything about her would make you straight.

Lara's lips made contact with your jaw, her hand on your thigh reached all the way up to hold your hip, pulling you closer.

“that’s right.. i’d get to be the first one to touch you, the only one who touches you…” she mumbled into your soft skin, she’d die doing this and she’d be the happiest woman ever.

“i wanna taste you so bad.” Lara moaned into your neck, bringing you by the waist on top of her, lying down on your small bed.

“Lara.. wait please.” you supported yourself on the bed, your hands on either side of her head as you stared down at your older girlfriend, her hands holding your waist.

“shh… it’s okay.” she cooed, placing soft kisses on your cheek. “i know… we don’t have to do anything, i just wanted you to be certain that i’d never judge you, never belittle you… so what if you've never had sex before?” Lara reassured you, her hand stroking your cheek softly, the pad of her thumb resting on your cheekbone.

“doesn’t make me like you any less, you’re still my girl.”

she smiled, nudging your nose with hers, her other hand gripping your waist in a comforting expression.

“is it… bad to say that i wanna do it with you?” you mumbled, staring at her brown eyes as she was beneath you, giving you the opportunity to be this close to her, her freckles like constellations, her scent so enticing and her warmth inviting, your lips found themselves on the corner of her mouth, feeling her hands on your lower back.

“not bad… i want the same thing, love.” her thick accent rang in your ears, her calloused fingers touching the inside of your shirt, the pad of her thumbs stroking every inch she can come across. your head dipped to the crook of her neck, her perfume even stronger as your nerves burned with desire.

this is the first time you’ve ever been this close to a girl, your lips attached to the soft skin of her neck, her moans echoing through the walls of the bedroom making your untouched pussy throb at the way she writhed and squirmed in your damned small bed.

Lara gripped your hips as she guided your hips closer to hers, “let me take this off.” she whispered, undoing your jeans, her fingers soft and tender.

you helped her take off the garment, Lara knew she can’t fuck up your first time in any way, so she got up from the bed and picked you up around her waist to place you down so she’s on top, your hands buried themselves into her soft hair, bringing your lips to her neck as Lara tugged at your waist, holding back her moans.

your legs were on either side of her, Lara felt so damn dizzy at the sight of your legs spreading for her, she knew you were ready, that you wanted it.

she couldn’t wait to stretch your virgin pussy.

“easy there baby..” Lara moaned, pushing you down the bed by the hips, her fingers moving to slide your panties down your legs, her breath caught over the sight of your pussy, you were so wet… such a virgin, Lara thought.

“oh my..” Lara breathed, bringing her pointer and middle finger to spread your folds, rubbing them into you as you closed your eyes and let her touch you just like how badly you wanted her to. “so pretty…” Lara smiled, rubbing her index finger against your clit, watching you drip.

“such a good girl..” Lara praised you as her wrist flicked and she pumped her index and ring finger into you gently, she made sure you didn’t get hurt, knowing no one’s ever touched you like that before, but oh how proud she felt, it was honour to take your virginity like that, and she was glad you picked her.

“does that hurt?” Lara asked, sticking her fingers into your hole briefly, seeking out your reaction, your body tensed and breath caught in your throat. “no..” was all you said as Lara pushed her fingers slowly just a bit further inside. waiting to see if you’re in any pain before she fucked her fingers into you.

you were so wet, and your muscles relaxed, you enjoyed this beyond words and Lara was so thankful you felt comfortable with her, her lips found your cheek as she slowly fingered you, listening to your soft moans and soft breaths, you were breathtaking.

“so beautiful..” Lara mumbled, smiling at the sight of you like this, it wasn’t long before you gently rocked your hips to match her pace. “don’t hurt yourself baby… let me do the work.” she cooed, holding your hip to keep you from doing anything that will cause you pain.

“need you deeper..” you whispered, Lara complied and moved her fingers deeper, only slowly and with so much caution, you were so tight. only wet enough to let her fingers get sucked inside of you with her movement calculated. “more…” you whined, making Lara smack her lips.

she couldn’t add another finger, that’s pushing it.. especially for a first time. the only moved her other hand to rub at your clit, her fingers buried inside of you just going faster. “that good..?” lara breathed.

“yeah… yeah, fuck fuck..” you moaned, your hips rocking along with lara’s movements, she couldn’t stop you now, she wanted you to cum on her fingers. “fuck!” you mewled out, squirming.

“cum for me baby..” lara rasped, both hands working on your tight sweet pussy, rubbing and thrusting. she leaned in and pressed a kiss to your neck, making you arch your back and rock your hips further into her thick fingers.

Lara slowed her pace just a bit as she saw you coming undone all over her, and all over your bed, mewling and crying into the pillow, she figured your first orgasm would be intense, so she let you ride it out then she pulled out her fingers gently.

she looked at how much you’ve gushed down her fingers and she couldn’t help but shove them in her mouth, licking it clean while rubbing a hand over your stomach to comfort you. “it’s okay baby.” she says, leaning down to press a sticky kiss to your cheek, laying down beside you to hold and comfort you. her arms wrapped around you securely, pulling a blanket over you both as you’re squished on your small bed.

[honeymark]

𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒏𝒄𝒕 𝟏𝟐𝟕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ㅡ

click 〔 here 〕 for the hyung line.

˗ˏˋ 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 :: hi miss soojin ! could u write smth ab 127 comforting their insecure gf ? thank u so much ! ´ˎ˗

⇢ 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐇𝐘𝐔𝐍 feels the most secure when you’re by his side, so he’s quick to notice when you start pulling away from him. at first, it was the texts — on the days you didn't see each other, you'd always text him throughout the day, even though you knew you wouldn't get a written response. it's not that he didn't read them; he was too busy with work to respond, so he'd always react with a thumbs up or a simple "haha." but then, your daily text threads stopped. he knew you had your own life, so he assumed you were too busy to send updates, but the nightly phone calls stopped, too. did he do something wrong? did you find someone else? what the fuck was going on?

he waits until the weekend to talk about it, and he listens attentively as you open up about wanting to be “less clingy and annoying.” he takes your hand in his with soft, cool fingers in a reassuring grip. “i didn’t know you felt this way, y/n,” he says softly. he presses a light kiss to your knuckles before delicately pulling you into a warm embrace. “you aren’t clingy or annoying, baby. you’re the cutest person in the world, and in a perfect world, i’d spend the rest of my life right by your side. nothing is as special as the time we spend together, and that includes reading your daily updates and watching all the tiktoks you send me and falling asleep to your soft snores on our nightly facetime calls. i love it all, and i love you, so don’t pull away from me, please?”

⇢ 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐎 isn’t one to ruminate on the past, mainly because he tends to overthink and overanalyze every little detail in a sticky situation. that being said, it would be a blatant lie to say that he hasn’t looked into your former relationships and partners. he’s matured enough over the years to keep his jealousy in check, but no matter how much time he spends with you, he just can’t seem to shake off a lingering insecurity that’s convinced him he isn’t fulfilling your needs…

which is why he’s all the more surprised when you bring up the same insecurities to him. he listens without judgement or interruption as you express how you’ve been feeling, his heart aching as you tearfully open up about not being enough for him. he waits for you to finish before enveloping you in a tight hug, and he thanks you for being vulnerable with him, reminding you that your feelings and concerns are valid. he gets carried away with listing all of the qualities he loves about you, and he doesn’t stop until you seal his lips yourself with a kiss. “there’s nothing to compare, my love. no one holds a candle to you. you’re the one for me, i mean it!”

⇢ 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊 knew from the moment you met that there was no hope for him; he was going to fall head over heels in love with you. it’s been five years since then, and his affection for you has only increased tenfold. he truly admires everything about you, from your ability to understand and empathize with others, to your independence and strength, to your resilience and readiness to bounce back from any setback, to your creativity and ridiculous sense of humor. of course, he appreciates your beauty (something that he reminds you of very frequently, especially at night 🤠), but more than anything, he loves you for who you are and genuinely cherishes the depth of your connection.

so, unsurprisingly, he’s concerned by how suddenly adamant you are about not wanting to get dressed in front of him, something you’ve been doing for years now. at first, he doesn’t think much of it; you reserve the right to privacy, and he respects that, but it goes on for over a week. he’s sure something is bothering you, and his suspicions are confirmed by how you immediately burst into tears when he asks you about it. he holds you in a firm embrace as you describe how insecure you feel because of your stretch marks and acne scars. nothing hurts his heart more than to hear you disparage yourself, and he waits until you calm down to share his thoughts.

"it's okay to feel that way, babe. but i'm going to be honest...i think you're beautiful no matter what. who cares about stretch marks or acne scars? those are just nouns. they don't mean anything, and they definitely don't take away from how amazing of a human being you are. you’re beautiful, and i can’t get enough of you.”

⇢ 𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍 is the first man you’ve ever met who’s been able to intellectually and humorously keep up with you, and you haven’t given him a chance to escape from your grip ever since (not that he’s ever wanted to, of course). the two of you met in college, and after months of constantly riffing off each other, you made the first move and confessed your feelings in an uncharacteristically sincere way. it’s been a few years since then, and while it’s undeniable that you two have the most fun when you’re together, you start to wonder if he really loves you. it’s not that your relationship was necessarily lacking anything; you two were plenty intimate, both emotionally and physically, but…it still couldn’t hurt to ask, right?

it’s one of those “let’s order pizza and rot on the couch for hours” kinds of nights when you finally find the courage to ask him, “do you love me?” he hears you, but it’s clear he doesn’t take you seriously; he doesn’t even bother looking up from his phone as he answers with a sarcastic “of course not.” he waits for you to respond with some sort of witty comeback, but you don’t. he glances up and nearly drops his phone on his face when he sees you tearing up. he immediately asks if you’re okay, and he solemnly listens as you make light of your insecurities. he pulls you into a rough hug and kisses you, his lips soft and sweet against yours. “shit, baby, i’m sorry. i didn’t know you were feeling this way. of course i love you. y/n, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and i’m sorry that i don’t say it enough. i love you, baby. i love you so much.”

[neowinestainedress]

‘CAUSE IT’S YOU | L.DH

TITLE: ‘cause it’s you PAIRING: lee haechan x fem!reader GENRE: hits different bonus, slice of life, fluff, smut, established relationship, relationship development, christmas, meeting the parents SUMMARY:  it’s been 3 years since you met, two since you started dating, but haechan still hits different. or; you and haechan spend your first real christmas together WARNINGS: smut, unprotected s*x (mc is on the pill), vibrat*r, getting caught, exhibitionism, edging, f!nger!ng, overstimulation, squ!rt!ng, dirty talk, praises, female joi, masturbati*n (f&m), voyeurism, n!pple play, the usual switchy dynamics, cheesy-romantic-love making, lots of kisses, l-bombs, aftercare, mentions of minor character death (before i get called a dumb bitch in the asks for not putting this), dealing with a loss and trauma, bi!haechanxbi!reader WC: 22.563k A/N: our favorite emotional support boyfriend is back! This was supposed to be a gift for the 4k followers this summer, but I didn’t finish writing it and I decided to give you tooth-rotting Christmas fluff and smut instead of another summer (on the coaAaAast). I’m excited and scared for this because when I was writing HD I wanted to show more after they got together (but it was too long), and then the story was such a hit (and felt complete anyway) that I wasn’t sure I wanted to write another part (or it was needed). I’m happy I didn’t finish it this summer because when I sat down for that, I feared I was right; it felt plotless, and I felt I was adding nothing to the story. Until I thought of this. I’m proud of how this came out because I feel this still has a valid plot and showcases the changes in their dynamics well. But since this is not supposed to top the original (it can’t) and I see it more as a bonus that’s optional to read, please take this as my 5k followers and Christmas gift for you! If you hated the mc in HD, this one is for you! I hope you can enjoy this, please let me know with reblogs (they help reach more people), comments and asks what you think about it! happy holidays ♡

“Where the hell are my panties?” You mutter under your breath as you look through the messy blankets with no success. 

“Babe, please,” Haechan mumbles, trying to push the sheets on his body and don’t freeze with each one of your tugs. 

“You know, you’re the reason I can never find my clothes, but you still never help me,” you groan, stopping to stare at him with your arms crossed. 

He raises a brow, and then his usual smirk curls his lips. “Three years and I still fuck you that good, you should be grateful.” 

You groan loudly before grabbing your pillow and hitting his face, eliciting a loud grunt. “You’re so annoying!” 

“Damn, laugh a bit,” he jokes, wrapping his hands around your body and pulling you flat on top of him. You’re face to face, his sleepy golden-brown eyes staring into yours and his lips pouting to leave wet kisses on your face. 

“Hyuck,” you complain, trying to pull away, but he flips you over, trapping you against the mattress, and going on with his sweet torture. 

“What? You’re not in a rush anymore,” he whispers as his kisses get less messy and move down on your body. “Can’t be lazy with me some more?” He lifts his hand up and you see he’s holding your panties. 

You gasp offended and he bursts out laughing. “You traitor! I went insane for five minutes trying to look for them!” 

“It’s funny seeing you do that every time.” 

You pout. “I hate you.” 

But Haechan smiles and leans in to leave a peck on your lips. “I love you, too.” 

“Give me them!” You scream, grabbing his hand and stealing your panties. “I wanted to make you breakfast, but no, you had to waste my time.” You push him off of you, and he just rolls to the side without complaining, still smiling as he follows you with his gaze. “Now you’ll have to wait.” 

He chuckles, moving to get comfy in the warmth of the bed. “Fine by me, I’ll wait.” 

You can’t hide the smile on your face, but you try to don’t show it by looking down, letting your hair cover your face, and pretending to be busy with your clothes. 

Haechan gets you now. He knows why you were always in a rush and that you don’t need to be anymore. He knows that now, behind your rush, there’s not the need to be as far away from him as possible but to prepare your favorite breakfast and slump in bed together to eat it. It’s just a habit you two picked. He learned you need habits; small things that keep you grounded, small moments you can always count on, and he doesn’t mind it. Actually, he likes it too, you are the calmness he needs in his rough sea. 

“Want me to help?” He asks once you’re done, ready to go in the kitchen. 

“No, I want to surprise you today. Stay here, I’ll be back soon,” you reply, smiling and sending him a kiss that he grabs swiftly before bringing it to his lips, making you chuckle. 

I’ll be back soon. 

It sounds wild in his ears if he thinks that just two years ago, every time you walked out of that door, he feared you weren’t going to come back. It’s even more insane when he stops and thinks you two are making it work. Looking back at your failed relationships, it’s safe to say that you both don’t strike as types to make a story last. 

Yet, here you are. On the bed, eating breakfast while you discuss your plans for the day. And then you’re in the bathroom, brushing your teeth side by side, playfully fighting to have access first in front of the small sink, and then you’re in the shower, no funny business, just a quick wash before going out. Lastly, in your bedroom, you’re getting dressed to go out, picking each other’s fits, and finishing the last touches. 

Everything in your house. The one you two now share. 

Moving in felt like a sudden move, and when the moment came, Haechan had been the one who tried to stick to his old habits, too afraid that such a big change was going to scare you away. But Mark and Minjeong got more serious, and Haechan was always at your place anyway (to avoid suffocating so Mark wouldn’t hear every time you fucked). Also, as much as you loved the company of the couple, you two needed time alone, so he moved in five months ago. 

But all his worries got flushed away pretty soon. You needed stability and your habits, the small things that made you feel grounded. And since you had come to terms with his feelings for him, moving in only solidified your relationship because you could have all that. There was nothing left of the insecurity of your friends with benefits phase, there was something that was planting its roots to grow strong.  

Your place is still a temporary solution before looking for something nicer (not bigger, for now, the only family expansion plans are plants, a cat, and a dog). 

But it’s yours. The same house you built so hard, the one you kept secret like an oath, the one he couldn’t even step foot inside, is now his too. There’s his guitar in a corner of the living room, his computer next to yours, and the game console under the TV. His clothes beside yours in the closet, his shoes in the hall right next to yours, and his jacket at the entrance. The lamps you bought together, the plants you picked together, and even a big photo of you two framed above the television; Johnny took it without you noticing, and it quickly became your favorite, so it’s there, to let everyone know who lives there. 

And most importantly, there’s Haechan. There’s his laugh, filling your nights and days that used to be empty. There are his failed attempts at cooking. The books he tries to read every night, with no success, while you read yours. Just for him to end up with his head on your lap as your fingers run through his hair and you read yours out loud. There’s him hyping you up as you run on your treadmill, dancing and singing around you because that’s training too. Finally, there’s a beating heart to listen to as you fall asleep between two arms that hold you. 

“I can’t believe you don’t have Christmas decorations.” This is the tenth time Haechan makes that comment as you walk around the store with the cart almost full of Christmas stuff, and you can only roll your eyes at it. “I’m sorry, babe, but… why?” 

“I had nothing to celebrate,” you reply, stopping to look at the garlands, inspecting which one is better. 

“Not even last year?” 

“We were at your place, and usually Johnny drags me with his family, he knows I will fall into a vertigo of depression if I’m not distracted during this time,” you reply. It’s not painful to talk about it, but Haechan can hear the subtle shift in your voice and the way your eyes avoid his. He learned how to study your smallest reaction, it was the only way he could get deep into you, even after you started being serious, it wasn’t so easy for you to open up. 

“If you don’t want to, we can don’t celebrate,” he says, trying to meet your eyes, and when he does, they’re wide open. 

“Why? I’ve got you now,” you say, lifting in front of his face the two garlands you picked, putting the right one in the cart once he points at it. “Fuck my family, I’m not alone anymore. And I don’t want to be sad, I want to celebrate, and make my little traditions, have our Christmas.” 

A small chuckle leaves his lips at your words, but then he gets serious again. “Are you sure? I always fear you push your limits for me, and I don’t want you to break —” 

You stop him with a wave of hand. “Hyuck,” you say, smiling at him. “I’m fine. I’m better than I’ve ever been. I want this to be special. I’m not making your family come over to an empty house for the holidays.” 

His eyes widen. “Wait, you’re sure about that too? My mom tends to get carried away and she just —” 

“Oh, oh, Lee Donghyuck, are you perhaps the scared one?” You ask with a teasing smirk on your face and burst into a laugh when he blushes and turns his head low. “Oh my God, you are scared of this. You’re shitting yourself, just like when I proposed to move in with me.” You nudge him, but he slaps your arm away playfully, and then you start walking again. “Confess, you liked me better when I was the one that ran away.” 

“God no, any version of you, but never the one that slips from my fingers with no warning. It was traumatic,” he confesses, there’s a smile on his face, but in his eyes, you see that thinking about it still hurts him a bit, and you’re so deeply sorry. 

“Promise, never again,” you say, kissing his cheek. “So, tell me, what’s so scary about your family?” 

He sighs, rubbing his temples before you both look on the shelves to pick the decorations to put on the garlands. “They’re loud and loud… and loud.” 

You chuckle, shaking your head. “I like that. What do they do? Talk a lot? Sing a lot?” 

“Sing a lot? You don’t want to know what we used to do. One year my sister even had a wardrobe of costumes to perform in front of us, I feared Mariah Carey was going to lose her yearly check.” 

You laugh at the image. And then caress his face. “Me, my brother, and Johnny used to do that too. Not with the costumes, I confess we weren’t at those levels, but nobody, I swear nobody, not even the pissy neighbor, could take away our performance. It was unfair because they would always make me play the elf, I was too short between those two giants,” you scoff, rolling your eyes before your laugh gets loud again when you remember something. “One year my brother almost got grounded because he had painted my face green using our mom’s make-up, it was so funny. She was so mad, but he couldn’t stop laughing because of me and Johnny.” 

Haechan laughs too, looking at you with softness in his eyes. You’re happy. You’re talking about your brother with a smile on your face, there’s no sign of a small twitch of your lips or the nervous playing with your fingers, just a genuine smile on your face. And you talk about him a lot, all the stupid things you used to do together, all the times he had your back, or when a song, movie, or book reminds you of him. A few months ago, you even showed him a photo book you kept stored under your bed and you talked for hours, some tears fell on your cheeks, but they were different from all the ones before. And Haechan is so happy to see you like this, to feel like your brother is still here with you, now that you don’t act like his death never happened, or his entire existence never happened. 

“The three of you were a menace. How did your families survive?” 

“I don’t know,” you giggle, looking at him, and smiling fondly. “I mean, without us, their lives would’ve been so boring. We always put a smile on their faces,” you say, and then sadness flashes in your eyes for a bit, but you wipe it away quickly. “You know, I wish that didn’t break my family apart. I wish my parents would’ve, I’m not saying I wanted them to fear losing me too, but at least cared about me more. Put the pride aside and welcome me back in, instead of pushing out their only child. I wish I could have them with me, laughing about the past… I mean, it’s not easy, and you know that I wasn’t like this until a year ago, but… don’t they feel like they’re grieving me too? I think I could still make them smile, I have so many stories about my brother that I haven’t told them yet. He could still live through us.” 

“I think they need more time,” Haechan says, reaching your hand that’s standing on the bar of the cart, rubbing your palm with his thumb like he always does when you need support. “But they will search for you again, more than the five texts you share in a year.” 

When he tells you that, you’re reminded of something you forgot to tell him a few days ago. “My mom sent me a recipe the other day, I thought she wanted to send it to one of her friends, but she wanted to send it to me.” 

“See? It’s a step forward unless she was foreshadowing that she’s going to kill you and cook you in the oven,” he jokes, making you laugh as you playfully push him away. 

“You’re always so stupid. Help me pick the last things, come on,” you say, changing the subject.

Yes, you can talk about this more freely, but you still need to chew on it, taking small bites, or else you’ll choke. 

You walk out of the kitchen with two hot mugs in your hands, just to find Haechan blankly staring at all the boxes on the floor with a confused expression, and you roll your eyes. “What now?” 

He lifts his head, walking toward you to grab his mug and leave a peck on your lips as a ‘thank you’ before he replies. “Don’t you think we went just a bit overboard? It’s too much.” 

“It’s not. And look, the tree is already up because you’re the best man ever and you were so quick at putting it together,” you say, batting your lashes, making him glare at you. “What? Can’t even praise you right, now?” 

“If you want my soul, I’m sad to inform you, you already have it,” Haechan says, pulling you in a hug before he kisses you again, this time it’s longer and more passionate. You chuckle when you pull away. 

“It looks like it’s a lot, but it’s not,” you try to reason. “Most of these are decorations that we need to put on the tree or on the garlands that you proposed we would make, together, as a lovely, madly in love couple.” 

“It wasn’t that cheesy when I proposed it,” he replies, grunting and scratching the back of his head.  

“Come on, I made you hot chocolate, and the biscuits are getting ready in the oven, we’ll put on some music, and we’ll have some fun,” you say, placing the cup on the coffee table to turn on the TV. “Are you sure you’re not having double thoughts about us?” You ask, stopping midway and looking as his eyes widen. 

“What? Why?” His voice comes out as a high-pitched squeal as he feels panic run through his body. 

“I don’t know, I thought Christmas was your favorite holiday and I wanted it to be special. But I feel like you’re not as excited as you are for other things and maybe you feel like we’re running or something…” you sigh. “Are you afraid I will disappoint your family? Maybe I’m not enough — I…”

“No, God, no,” he replies, shaking his head. “It’s just a lot, and I was wondering if we could get it all done this weekend, but it has nothing to do with us,” he says, walking to you, cupping your face in his hands.

“Hey, I love you, and I love this. Every little thing we’ve built and we’re building together. I admit I’m afraid for my family. Not a single ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend of mine ever met my parents so, yeah, this is a pretty big and scary step, but it’s with you. And truth be told, I’m not afraid because I don’t think this is serious, or because I think they won’t like you, confession time, my mom loves you already,” he says with a smile on his face. “I’m more scared you won’t like them, and well, that they will scare you away. I know you made some big steps forward, but… you still have your fears, and we both know sometimes they take over and sometimes you fall back into old habits. And it’s fine with me, I know how to deal with them and take care of you, but in this case, it’s not in my power, I can’t control them, and what if they say something wrong? What if they ask the wrong questions? I —”

You shut him with a kiss, pulling him close by the long hair covering his neck. “You sound just like me,” you joke, pulling away. “I know you don’t have control over them, I don’t need you to have it. I hope they can become my family too, and I’m ready to let them in, step by step. I’m so happy you worry so much about me, but I have it under control,” you laugh lightheartedly. “I don’t snap anymore when my brother is brought up, I don’t lie anymore, and I don’t run away. You taught me to always face my fears, right? And that’s what I’m doing. Maybe not all at once. Surely, I will need you to back me up at some point of the night, but I’ve got it, and I’ve got you, and… I’m ready.” 

The look in his eyes feels like home and so does the warm smile on his face. “I love you so much. I’m so proud of you, I can’t even explain it in words,” he says, kissing you again. 

“I know you are,” you reply, caressing his face. “I mean, the fact you’ve been keeping up with me for three years says it all.” 

“Two,” he replies. 

“Nah–ah, you’ve been keeping up with my mood swings and fucked up coping mechanisms since you fucked me in your car, or maybe even since we talked that night. I mean, that was my first lie to you, so…” 

He chuckles, nodding in agreement. “Mhh, maybe I should take you out tonight and make a stop there, our parking spot. Wouldn’t it be romantic?” 

“Mhh, yes, and then we can even smoke weed,” you add, laughing with him. “But I doubt we’ll be free from the Christmas tasks, so maybe next time?” 

“Yes, Miss. If my agenda is not booked, I’ll find a spot to slip you in,” he jokes before leaving a peck on your forehead and stepping back, going back to the boxes on the floor. 

You can’t control the smile on your face as you stare at him. This is your first holiday together and even if it has been a hell of a month for you in these past few years, you feel your heart explode with happiness right now. After everything he has done for you, you feel like you can finally pay him back, and do something that makes him happy. Haechan always told you how much he loves Christmas. Since he was a child, he felt that, after a year of sacrifices, his family could be together with fewer worries. It didn’t matter if there weren’t many gifts under the tree or no gifts at all, he was happy because his parents didn’t have to work, and they could pretend life wasn’t so hard for at least a few days. He also told you he loved how the cities would light up, and everything seemed better. 

“Will you help with the lights, or do I have to do it by myself?” 

You shake your head out of your thoughts and look up at him, shrugging. “No intention of doing so.” 

“Oh, come on, I will end up tangled in this mess,” he whines, pouting and looking at you with those big eyes you can’t resist. 

“Fine, but just because I really like you,” you say, walking to him, grabbing the other end of the lights. 

“Only like me?” He pouts as you both start walking around the tree, parting the branches to fit the lights in between them. 

“Mhh, sometimes I feel like I can barely stand you, so yeah, maybe liking you is too much, sorry about that,” you joke, making him scoff. 

Setting up the place with decorations was the plan, but with Haechan you learned nothing goes as planned. You’ve gotten used to it, it doesn’t trigger you anymore, not that much, especially when you find yourself in this situation. Laying on the floor with him on top of you, kissing along your jaw as his hand creeps under your sweatpants to reach your panties. That’s another thing you’ve gotten used to, the way, after years, you two still can’t keep your hands off each other. It’s surely different from what it was before, there’s no more fear, anger, and destructive passion when you two have sex, but the chemistry is still the same, just healthier. 

“Hyuck,” you moan when his finger teases your clit and slit, forcing your head to roll back on the cold hard ground. You could’ve easily moved this to the couch, but it was just easier to be there where you two ended up, the red decorations resting to the side, waiting to be finished. In your defence, you are almost halfway done; the tree is almost done, the small Santa clauses, reindeer, and trees are placed here and there on the shelves, and the strings of lights are running from corner to corner of the living room. 

“You’re so wet,” Haechan teases, trails of wet kisses painting your face before reaching your pouting lips, “I wonder why,” he jokes, his typical smirk sitting on his face as he looks at your face. 

Another thing you learned by dating Haechan, is that you will never get bored. He’s always thinking about something, coming up with ideas, planning things. He’s not much different from you after all, he simply doesn’t look over a plan more than twice (sometimes he doesn’t even get to the second time). This time it’s not any different. He was looking at you like a puppy that can’t wait to bite a bone, jumping on his seat on the floor as you two decorated with Christmas music filling the background. You know his eyes; when he looks at you without saying a word and just waits for you to catch up as if you can read his mind. You don’t get why he does it since he’s so impatient and surely not shy, but he finds it entertaining for some reason and you play along. 

“What?” You had asked, struggling to hide the amused grin on your face when his lips curved in a smile. 

“Want to try something new?” 

Those five words, followed by a bet to see how long you would last with a small bullet vibrator inside of you before begging for him to give you more, are the reason you’re so wet. You thought it would be funny and he would go gentle on you, but you were so wrong. And it took you less than fifteen minutes to beg for him to make it stop. 

“Don’t be so mad, I’m giving you what you want,” he pouts, kissing your puckered lips over and over. 

“You’re not. You’re teasing, like always,” you groan. 

“Am I?” he grins, pushing your hair back as he stares into your deadly glare. “Fine,” he groans, rolling his eyes back before bringing them back to you. “What do you want?” 

Another loud grunt slips past your lips, but you quickly force words to come out. “Your fingers, please,” the last word is filled with sarcasm, and he gives you a stern glare at which you only shrug. 

“You’re such a brat,” Haechan mocks, quickly flicking his fingers on your clit, watching with amusement as your eyes roll back and your teeth trap your lips to stop the loud moan to come out. “Is this enough?” 

“No,” you whine. “Take the toy out and fuck me,” you order, but you only get a mocking laugh in reply. 

“So bossy today. I let you decide so much already, I think you can leave this to me, uhm,” he teases as his fingers keep moving on your clit without giving you more. 

You sigh defeated and relax, your shoulders drop back as you decide to just enjoy the sensation of his stimulation, the filling of the toy, and the light vibrations. 

Just as he’s about to give you what you’ve been asking for, the loud sound of the doorbell stops you two in your tracks.

“Did you order something?” Haechan asks, hand still buried in your pants but still. 

You shake your head, shrugging, thinking it’s nothing and ready to beg him to keep going, but the bell rings again and you huff loudly. 

“The neighbor?” Haechan tries to guess again.

“She’s out, she told me a few days ago, it can’t — oh, goddamn,” you huff when it rings again. 

But your doubts are soon answered when the front door swings open and your heart jumps in your throat. 

“Is it possible that you two never hear the bell ring?” 

“Johnny!” You scream, pushing Haechan’s hand away and him off your body roughly, trying to fix yourself the best you can and get on your feet. 

“Oh, sorry,” your best friend looks at your dishevelled look with a grin on his face. “Interrupted something?” 

You groan and simply throw a pillow at him in response, but it does him no harm as he quickly catches it even if he only has one hand free. 

“No, we were decorating.” Haechan tries to save the situation, but you know it’s useless as you roll your head back and sigh again. Johnny’s not dumb, unfortunately.  

“Oh, is it a new slang? I didn’t know we call it like that nowadays, interesting,” he teases, walking toward the couch. “I always learn new things from you two.” He kisses your forehead, and you don’t even push him away, but rub your eyes when he passes over you to greet your boyfriend. 

“You can’t just burst in with no warning,” you sigh, turning around, watching as he studies the mess in the living room as if it’s his place. 

“I rang three times, not my fault your boyfie didn’t think of pulling his hand out of your pants,” he shrugs before lifting his head and smiling at you. 

“I’ll change the code, I swear,” you threaten, rubbing your temples. 

“And I will still know it in case of an emergency. Just because you got yourself the love of your life it doesn’t mean you downgrade me, hey!” 

Another loud annoyed sound comes out of your mouth, and you swiftly catch Haechan going red in the face after Johnny’s words, but you shake it off. “You wait for us to answer.” 

“You could’ve said ‘I’m coming’ or ‘wait a second’, you know? That’s what normal people do,” he reminds you, placing the bags he’s carrying on the floor to take off his coat, and placing it on the couch. 

“She swears it’s people that want to sell you something, so she looks out of the peephole and then pretends she’s not home,” Haechan explains. 

“Bullshits, she wanted to leave her best friend to freeze to death in the corridor,” he dramatizes, lifting a hand on his forehead and faking passing out on the couch. 

“You’re so dramatic,” you groan. “What do you even want?” 

“It’s been two weeks since we’ve seen each other, and this is how you greet me?” He gasps offended. 

“Don’t laugh,” you say to Haechan, who immediately stops laughing and apologizes with a shrug. “I’m sorry. How can we help, my dearest friend?” 

“Fake,” Johnny gags. “But I brought you two something,” he says, patting the space on the couch for you to sit and then lifting two bags. 

“Christmas is two weeks away,” you say. You already have your gifts, of course you do, but you still need to wrap them up like you want to. So, you hope these are not your presents because you wouldn’t be ready to give him yours. 

“I know, it’s not a Christmas gift, it’s just a gift.” 

Haechan raises a brow. “For us?” 

“Yes,” he replies. “The first one is from my mom, it’s a cake.” 

“You should’ve said that right away,” you say, grabbing the box from his hands. “It’s so pretty, and it’s going to taste so good. Thank her!” 

“About that, you can do that if you come to my place tonight. I told her you won’t be with us this Christmas, she had a mental breakdown, so please, can you two don’t fuck tonight and come to my place?” 

“We’re not perverts, you know,” Haechan scoffs. 

“Not sure about that,” Johnny mumbles, and your boyfriend slaps his arm. “What? You two were never able to keep your hands off each other.” 

“Look at him, rewriting history. You didn’t notice we were fucking until she told you!” 

“Tell him, Hyuck,” you back him up from the kitchen where you’re placing the cake so it can be safe from the mess of the other room. 

“Fine, but I still know you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Anyway, can we focus? The sooner I’ll leave, the faster you’ll go back to what you were doing.” 

“Yeah, that’s — oh,” you stop, eyes widening when you hear the vibrations pick up again. “We’ll come.” 

“I’m sure we will,” Haechan mutters under his breath and you glare at him, silently telling him to don’t even think about it, but he only smiles smugly and shrugs. 

You clear your throat, trying to walk back to the couch as if nothing is going on, and urge Johnny to finish this soon. 

“And this is a bag full of things my mom wanted you to have,” he says, handing you the other. “I don’t think it’s necessary anymore, you two got yourself a lot of things, but yeah…” 

You grab it with shaky hands and look inside. 

“Will she cry?” Haechan asks, and at the same time, you feel the vibration stop, which makes you chuckle under your breath with your head low. It’s sweet that he thinks adding fighting an orgasm to a breakdown is not a good idea. 

Johnny thinks about it, leaning to the side to look at you, and then hums. “Probably.” 

“I’ll take a look at this after, so I can break down crying with him alone,” you say, getting up, and stretching your arms out to hug Johnny. It’s your nice way to tell him you’re grateful, but also, he needs to leave. And it would work smoothly if only Haechan didn’t have other plans. 

“We baked cookies, why don’t you stay for a while? What about a cup of coffee too?” 

You glare at Haechan again when the vibrations start high, leaving you breathless, but quickly force yourself to smile at your friend. 

“Yes, I love cookies and coffee!” Johnny cheers, wrapping an arm around Haechan as he guides him to the kitchen.

“Of course you do…” you whisper under your breath, rubbing your temples and following them in the kitchen. 

You sit on a chair, hoping to bring yourself as little attention as possible, and that if you keep your thighs pressed enough you won’t come in your pants in front of your best friend. But Haechan is not exactly helping you, shifting the speed and waves so that you can’t ever get used to the sensation. 

“The cookies are amazing,” Johnny moans after a bite and you try to give him a gentle smile. 

“Thanks,” you dare to speak out, surprising yourself when you do with no sign of desperation. 

“The place is coming together nicely, by the way,” he comments, walking to sit in front of you. 

“We didn’t put up a lot, just the smallest things on the furniture,” Haechan comments, “and the tree, but well, we didn’t put on the balls so it’s empty.” 

“Shit,” you cry out when he rises the speed, but you quickly play it cool by holding the back of your leg, “a cramp.” 

Johnny’s eyebrows are raised in suspicion, not by your poor acting, but because Haechan isn’t on his knees in front of you in two seconds to make sure you’re alright, but he shrugs it away when your boyfriend asks if you need help. 

“I’m fine,” you mutter, stretching your leg to keep playing the part and massaging the ‘sore’ muscle.  

“So, what time should we be there tonight?” Haechan asks, and you hear he’s trying hard not to laugh. 

“Seven, so my mom can annoy you with questions before dinner and then we can start and eat in peace,” Johnny says, thanking Haechan when he brings the coffee cup to the table. 

“Your mom’s nice,” Haechan says, “and she’s an amazing cook. She will cook tonight, right?” 

“Hey! I’m good too. But yes, she insisted, so the kitchen is all hers,” Johnny huffs, “even if I will hear her complain because my things are not where she would keep them.” 

You try to laugh but quickly turn it into a silent giggle when you feel you can’t hold the sounds in easily anymore. Haechan’s hand is not in the pocket of his pants, busy preparing the last two cups of coffee, but the vibrations are stuck at the highest speed, and you’re squirming on the chair, nervously twitching your legs. 

“I saw Mark and Minjeong yesterday,” Johnny changes the subject as he suddenly remembers. “We should organize something all together before the holidays. It’s been what? One month now, since we’ve all been out together?” 

“We actually hung out with them last week,” Haechan says. “They finished remaking our old place and wanted us over.” 

“Y’all are cutting me out of your lives, I don’t like this,” Johnny complains. 

You roll your eyes. “We’re not,” you spit out, as fast as you can, so no shakiness slips from your lips. And then mutter a “Thanks,” to Haechan when he hands you the cup and then sits next to you. 

“It’s just because it was my place before, they wanted me to see the changes,” Haechan explains. “But I think they’re planning something with all of us soon. They’re just… busy.” 

Johnny quirks a brow. “Busy like you two bunnies or busy, busy?” 

“Shut up!” You scream, glaring at him. But can you blame him? Right now, you two are proving his point. He just doesn’t know it. 

“I’m kidding,” Johnny says, lifting his hands in the air before grabbing another cookie. “I know they are, Minjeong just changed her job, and Mark is Mark. But we should find a free weekend or something, we could even go to my beach house for New Year’s.” 

“Yeah, why not,” you force out, one hand slipping under the table to squeeze Haechan’s thighs, telling him to lower the speed, but it’s useless, he acts as if you’re not even there. 

“Can I change roommate this time? This one right here is a bit too clingy,” Haechan jokes, pointing at you with his head, making Johnny laugh. 

You force out a small laugh, rubbing your sweaty palm against your neck to fill your silence with something. 

“Man, I really need to find somebody,” Johnny sighs heavily, letting his head fall against the table theatrically. “You sweet couples make me feel so lonely.” 

“Weren’t you going out with,” you stop, pretending to think of her name but, in reality, you’re trying to collect yourself and don’t focus on the pulsing of your pussy. “Hana?” 

Johnny lifts his head and pouts. “We fucked.” He rolls his eyes. “I mean, it’s great, don’t get me wrong. But I’m too old for that, I want to settle down.” His hand points at your living room. “That shit out there? The cheesy lovemaking while setting up the place for Christmas? The way y’all live together? I can’t believe your cold-ass heart got it before me. I was Mr. Romantic, and look at me.” 

You chuckle tenderly, caressing his hand, trying not to make it shake. “And… will it just be sex?” 

“It’s not even exclusive. But it doesn’t matter ‘cause I broke it off,” he pouts. 

“You’ll find someone,” Haechan chimes in. “You are husband material, it’s impossible you’ll stay single much longer.” 

“Yeah, whatever,” he scoffs before his gaze falls on the clock. “Shit, I’m late, I have to go,” he says, jumping off the chair and walking to the living room. Haechan is quicker than you at following outside, but you feel like your knees could give up in two seconds, and you keep your hands tight in a fist, leaning against the door, watching him get dressed. “Thanks for the biscuits and the coffee, I had fun. See you tonight.”

“Bye! See you later,” you two greet, waving with your hands after he quickly hugs and kisses you both.  

When Johnny is out of the door, you jump on Haechan, and he laughs. “You’re a monster. This is not funny!” 

“A monster? You had fun, brat,” he teases, kissing you as he lifts you, walking into the living room, this time laying you on the couch. “And I won’t tease you anymore, I’ll give you what you want. But then we really have to wrap something up here and then get ready for dinner.” 

This time he’s true to his word, quickly pulling your pants and panties down before leaning down between your legs, leaving pecks on your thighs before he kisses your clit, making your hips jolt. 

A shaky sigh comes out of your lips when he pulls the toy out of you, leaving you empty before his fingers take its place without teasing. Your head rolls behind, this time meeting the softness of the couch, and your hands reach his arms, wrapping around them to hold onto something. 

“You’re even wetter now,” he teases, looking down between your legs. Your cum dripping down, making a mess on your ass and his fingers. “You’re such a tease, you know? You can’t even deny how much having people watching or listening turns you on.” 

You groan, hiding your face against the couch because all the teasing before already made it impossible for you to properly talk back. 

“Look at me,” Haechan orders, but you shake your head. He scoffs, cupping your chin to turn your face around. “You’re such a brat today.” 

You scoff, “me?” 

“Yes, you,” he whispers close to your face, lips brushing against yours as a tease but leaving you without the kiss you crave so much. “Think I didn’t see you before? Sitting on your heels, desperately trying to get off without me noticing,” he mocks with a chuckle. “I have to say, you were smart, talking to me and distracting me, thinking I’m stupid. But I saw that, angel.” 

Your body burns up in shame, and you once again try to hide, but his hold is firm, and you soon give up. 

“Is this what you want? Are my fingers fucking you well?” He murmurs, biting your earlobe, making you moan louder. 

“Ye-yes,” you cry out, planting your feet against the couch to have a solid hold as you grind your hips against him. 

“Look at you,” he mocks, pulling back from your face, letting go of it to wrap a hand around your waist and push it down, eliciting another whiny complaint from you. “I guess they’re not enough if you’re grinding on them like that.” 

You shake your head. “They are, I swear,” your voice breaks when his thumb presses against your clit, and your thighs fly shut. 

“Oh no, baby,” he scolds, forcibly pushing your legs apart with his hand. “Keep those pretty legs open for me, you’re not going anywhere.” 

“Please,” you cry out. “You edged me all afternoon.” 

He laughs, throwing his head back. “All afternoon? Damn, sex really gets to your brain. If it’s been an hour, it’s a lot.” 

You frown, trying to glare at him, but the furrow on your face only makes him smile. 

“Fine, fine. It looks like you really want to come, don’t you?” 

“Yes,” you reply weakly, but he doesn’t do anything. 

“Just a bit more. You’re just so pretty like this. And your pussy squeezes so nicely around my fingers, these beautiful sounds,” he hums, pressing against your sweet spot, forcing more cum out of you in dirty squelches. And the lust in his voice just pushes you even closer to the edge. 

“Haechan,” you cry out, eyes closing as your chest heavies more. 

“Use your words, babe. You can do it.” 

And you would do it easily if only his fingers didn’t pick up a faster rhythm, leaving you gasping for air as your eyes stare into his, the fake innocence and smugness behind them driving you insane. 

“Hyuck, please, fuck, please let me come.” 

“Mhh, you sound so pretty,” he coos happily. “Come on, I teased you enough. Come for me.” 

And you do, finally letting go of all the pleasure you’ve been holding in for so long; it doesn’t matter if it’s the entire afternoon or just an hour. Your body trembles against his, your thighs would clench if only it wasn’t for his hand keeping you spread open, and your head rolls back as loud moans slip out. 

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” Haechan moans, slowing down the pace of his fingers inside of you once he makes sure you’re done and then slowly takes them out. 

“Kiss me!” You order, pulling him closer. 

“You’re so bossy today,” he laughs when he moves away from the kiss, and you pout. 

“I need you.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He kisses you again. “Let me get out of my clothes, alright?” You hum, watching him get up to get out of his pants and underwear before trapping your body again. His lips meet yours, and your fingers run in his long hair, pulling hard enough to make him moan and rut his hips against you, but not enough to hurt him. 

“Shit, turn around,” he orders, moving back enough to give you space to move as he helps you get in the position he wants. 

When your face presses against the couch and your hips swing side by side, you hear him inhale deeply and mumble a curse under his breath. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Haechan comments, hands cupping your ass before he leans in, kissing your neck. 

“Please, fuck me,” you beg, ordering in a whiny voice. 

“So fucking desperate,” he mocks, slapping your ass before placing a hand at the side of your face to keep his body up. The other grabs the base of his dick, the leaking tip pushing against your awaiting slit.

You moan shamelessly, driving your hips back, thinking he’s finally going to sink in, but he doesn’t. He rubs the head on your clit, making you shiver, tremble and whine. 

“Please, don’t,” you cry, but he only laughs mockingly at you. 

“Look at you,” Haechan taunts. “How long has it been? One week?” 

“Two,” you mutter angrily. “Two weeks.” It’s not about the sex, per se, but you two have been so busy with work lately that you’ve barely had time to be together. Last week, he did go down on you, but it was quick since he had a phone call, and you didn’t even get the after-cuddles you love so much.  

He snickers, throwing his head back as he keeps teasing, this time pushing the tip in and out, watching your hole stretch and then clench around nothing. “Sorry, sorry. You don’t want my mouth or fingers, you want my dick. Still,” he lowers, hot breath hitting your ear, “don’t you think it’s a bit pathetic after two weeks to be so desperate for me?” 

You shake your head, biting your lips, moving your hips to grind against him and force him inside you somehow, but all with no success. 

“Can you humiliate yourself even more, love?” He jokes. 

“Hyuck,” you whine, searching for his hand. “Yes, I’m pathetic for you, are you happy now? Can you please fuck me? Or do I have to — fuck!” Your complaint gets shut down when he pushes into you, you’re so wet and relaxed he does it with no struggle, filling you deeply and leaving you breathless. 

“Happy now?” 

You nod quickly, smiling widely but letting out no words. 

“Good, so something does satisfy you,” he groans, head falling back as he holds onto your hips. 

You whine, wanting to scream that anything he does satisfies you and that you’re not that greedy, but you let it slip. 

And then it comes, his face hides in the crook of your neck and one of his arms sneaks around you, keeping you close. And you love this, it drives you crazy to know you can have the roughest sex and most mind-blowing orgasms of your life while still being loved and cherished so much. You love it so much that you don’t push him away anymore, but let him sink deeper. All over you. Deep into you. 

“Hyuck,” you call out his name, hand moving behind to search for his skin, and finding an arm. 

“I know, babe, I know.” His lips leave kisses over your jawline, biting softly every now and then, and his eyes roll back when you clench around him. “Am I fucking you good?” He hums, moving your hair away so he can see your face. “Deep and nice, just like you love it?” 

You nod in quick motions. Body squirming under his before it stills when you feel the toy press against your clit again and buzz against you. You let out a high-pitched cry, face pressing against the couch as your fingers fist the soft fabric.  

“Hush, babe,” Haechan whispers against your ear. “We both know you love this.” 

“Yes, but —” the words die in your throat.

“But, what?” He teases. “What’s wrong, honey?” He coos in a patronizing tone, and you groan. 

He knows how easily you come when you use any type of vibrator. He has seen you come undone with them so many times you’ve lost the count. And he knows it’s even worse when he’s deep inside of you, hitting all your right spots while the vibrating toy keeps stimulating your sensitive clit. 

“You — you know what,” you whine, trying to look back to pity him. 

His movements stop completely, and the warmth of his body leaves you except the hand on your waist. “Mh, no, I don’t think I do.” 

You whine louder, hips jerking up to urge him to pick up his thrusts again, and he does, snapping in and out of you like before. 

“So, you won’t help me? I’ll have to find out the problem on my own?” He teases. “But… you want this faster?” 

“No!” You yelp when he puts the toy at the highest setting, making you try to close your legs but with no success. “Hyuck, please,” your voice breaks, tears menacing to run down your face as you feel another orgasm build up in your stomach, fist closing incredibly tight around the pillow of the couch. 

“Oh… my bad. Does it make you come too easily?” Haechan says, faking a tone of surprise as he leans closer to you, finally giving you the warmth of his body again. It’s funny how you avoided contact before, and how much you need it now. 

 You nod swiftly, biting your lips to muffle the messy moans. 

“And my baby doesn’t want that?” He pouts, caressing your hair out of your forehead. “You were so mad I edged you for so long and now you don’t — fuck — want to come over and over again?” 

You don’t answer, not with coherent words at least, and groan again. 

“You can take it, I know you can,” he groans, inhaling deeply as he lifts his body and throws his head back. He teases you a lot but he’s just as sensitive and desperate. Two weeks too long since he had you, and your body is so responsive, clenching and dripping around him, making him go insane too. 

“Let’s come together, ugh?” He moans. “Then I’ll fuck my cum deep inside of you and you’ll come just one last time.” 

A guttural moan slips from your mouth at his words, the idea of him fucking his cum into you over and over until he’ll fill you up with another load driving you insane. 

“Close,” you mutter. 

“Yeah, me too,” he groans, “come.”

Your body lets go, orgasm setting free like a trigger, sending shivers down your spine. Your lips are free from the hold of your teeth, not caring if you’re too loud and someone might hear. It feels too good to hold back. Not only for the pleasure itself, but for the way your boyfriend’s hands run on your hot skin, how his moans and whimpers fill your ears, and especially the sensation of his cum filling you up. When his hips still against you, and his whole body presses you down, you’re still shaking from the aftermath. 

Your eyes flutter shut when he starts moving again, barely giving you the time to come down from your high. 

“You feel so good, I could stay buried in this sweet pussy for days,” Haechan moans, hiding in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent deeply and leaving kisses on your skin. 

You moan, letting your body relax to the feeling of him being all over you. One arm wrapped around your waist while his other hand roams around your body, caressing your stomach, your boobs, your thighs, everything he can find. 

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” he comments when he lifts his head, not enough to unstuck his chest from your back but enough to look at your wrecked face. “Most beautiful thing in the world.” 

You melt at his comments, feeling warmth in your stomach, this time not given by pleasure but love. You are loved, wholeheartedly, completely, and endlessly. Every part of you, every flaw, every masterpiece. Haechan doesn’t leave anything behind. He loves you. Deeply. Constantly. Inhumanly. Because you still can’t believe it’s possible for someone to love so much, especially when it comes to you. But he proves it to you every single day, from the sweet words to these passionate moments. 

“Ki-kiss me,” you mumble, pouting until his lips are on yours. The position is a bit uncomfortable but you two make it work anyway. Kissing each other over again, going from deep kisses to pecks. 

“Fuck, pretty,” he groans. “You’re taking me so well. My dick stretching you out, my cum filling you up, so much of it we’re making a mess. You love being my messy princess, don’t you?” 

You nod. “Yes — yes, love it.” 

“I know, princess, I know. Dripping all the way down my balls, drooling on the couch, staining it with your pretty tears.” Now that you’ve opened up to him and cried more than just once in front of him, he loves these tears even more because they are good tears, caused by him not because he’s hurting you but because he’s making you feel good. And he’s obsessed with it, with the way your eyes look. Long lashes clumped together, looking even thicker and longer. 

You’re about to beg him to go faster, but he obeys without you opening your mouth. Hips snapping fast against you, body pushing you even further against the soft couch. 

A small giggle escapes your lips when his hand searches and then finds your hand, intertwining your fingers while the other cups your ass cheek before leaving a small slap. 

“Shit, ever told you I fucking love your ass?” 

You hum, nodding. You’d use some words, but the bliss is too strong to let you do anything other than whimpering and moaning. Your clit is swollen, throbbing hard, extra sensitive with all the vibrations of the toy before, and each slap of Haechan’s balls against it leaves you gasping for air. 

Your hips squirm away, there’s not much room to go since your head is already pressed between the seat and the armrest, but you still slip a bit forward and Haechan chuckles darkly close to your ear. 

“Running away, sweetheart?” The condescending, saccharin-sweet tone makes more shivers run down your spine, toes curling up and stomach twisting. 

Your head moves in incoherent movement, and your hand holds his tighter for support. You feel like your head is spinning, and if it seemed like a good idea to keep the sweater on, now it feels like hell is on your skin. 

“You can take it, can’t you?” He asks, voice genuinely sweet this time, but his body is not more clement with you. The harsh sounds of his pounding are still filling the room, drowning out the Christmas music that’s still playing on the TV — thank god the playlist moved to an instrumental one, or some classics would be ruined forever with these filthy moments in your mind. 

You nod, but he’s not happy with a non-verbal question. Unless you’re fucked out, completely fucked out, he wants to hear your voice when he asks if you can take more. 

“Words. I need words,” Haechan reminds you a bit more sternly, and you whine. “Come on, talk now, ‘cause soon that pretty mouth of yours will be stuffed full.” 

With the risk of choking on your own saliva, you let out a barely audible “yes.” 

“Good girl, that’s my good girl,” he praises with a long hum, caressing your burning hot cheek before ordering you around again. “Open those pretty lips for me, will you?” 

You obey with no hesitation, ready to take anything he gives you. And when two fingers press down your tongue your mouth immediately closes to suck on them, eyes fluttering shut, pussy clenching around him and ass arching up. 

“Fuck, knew you would’ve loved this,” he groans. 

Over the years, you realized Haechan loves doing this. To you, it’s funny because he rarely lets you go down on him, always whining because he has to eat you out, so 80% of the time, when it’s time for oral, you’re always on the receiving end. You don’t complain, you honestly think it’s a blessing he’s so obsessed with eating you out, but you don’t understand why he’s obsessed with watching you suck his fingers and not as obsessed with watching you suck his cock.

His moans get louder and whinier and you feel your stomach turn upside down and your core get even wetter. You almost bite him when his other hand moves from your hips to your clit, rubbing it, making you arch your ass up at the overstimulation. 

Your wet eyes look up at him, begging him for release, but there’s not much to beg since you’re squeezing him, and he’s overstimulated too. 

When his fingers leave your mouth, you gasp, taking in all the air, and start slurring his name. “Hyuck, Hyuck, please, wanna — wanna come, please.” 

He leans down, kissing you. It’s a messy, wet kiss, with lips and teeth clashing, and your hand desperately reach for his body. “Come with me, princess. You deserve it.” 

The orgasm breaks through you, a tingling sensation of pleasure running through your bones making you squirm against his body pressing you down. With one last strong thrust inside of you, you can’t control the jet of liquid squirting out of you. 

A string of curses comes out of you, but Haechan is quick at shutting it up with more messy kisses and quick movements to ride the pleasure out. “It’s alright, you’re alright, you’re alright, babe. Shh, calm down, it’s fine. You did great.” 

Your body slumps against the fabric and you let the warmth of his skin warm you up as you come down from the high. Haechan never stops whispering sweet words in your ear, kissing and caressing you, as he slowly — and reluctantly — pulls out of you. 

“Fuck,” he murmurs when cum starts spilling out of you. “We made a mess.” 

You chuckle, shrugging. “We’ll clean it up,” you say. “Later.” 

He laughs, but turns you around, after laying against the backrest, pulling you close to him. “Want some well-deserved cuddles?” 

“Yes please.”

“Will you see what’s in the bag?” Haechan asks when he comes out of your bedroom, all cleaned up after the shower you quickly took together, and sees you stare down at the brown bag Johnny brought. 

You shrug. You don’t know what’s inside, you could barely get a glimpse when you peeked before, but something makes you fear there will be too many memories, and you’re not sure you’re ready for them all. 

Your head turns around when you feel the couch bend with Haechan’s weight, and it immediately finds his shoulder to rest. His arm wraps around you, sneaking under your sweater to rub your skin, and you sigh. 

“You don’t have to, not right now,” he whispers, kissing the top of your head.  

“But I do, I have to see her tonight, and I want to thank her.” 

“Okay but if anything triggers you, promise me you’ll stop?” 

“Promise,” you reply and then you flip it over on the floor. You can feel Haechan’s persistent gaze on you and you feel some sadness wash over you, but you feel fine for now. And then a smile appears on your face. 

“I didn’t know she had our socks,” you say, grabbing the red stockings with reindeer and elves, and studying them. The fabric it’s a bit ruined over time, but they still look the same, and you can still picture them hanging, either on Johnny’s fireplace or on the furniture your family put them on. Your fingers graze over your brother’s name and you smile fondly. “Can we hang them? So I… so I can pretend there will be something for him too?” You ask, turning to Haechan that’s already apprehensively staring at you. 

“Of course, we can even fill his with something, if you want to,” he proposes, but you shake your head. The idea of the gifts being left there would just make you sad, but this is a good compromise. 

“Our scarves!” You bend over to grab them. “We knitted them, and I think you can see it,” you chuckle, fingers running over the bumps in the wool and other imprecision. 

“Better than me if I would try now. My mom is excellent at it, she made me try once and I made way worse than this,” Haechan says, grabbing the other scarf and noticing that it’s not perfect but not even terrible. 

“I’ll keep in mind to ask your mom for this one,” you say, cuddling up to him. 

“Nope, you won’t,” he jokes, shaking his head with vigor, slightly blushing. 

There are other things in there, but mostly decorations, there’s even a Christmas decoration that you loved when you were a kid, and you’re so grateful she gifted it to you. But then Haechan is attracted by something else. “What is this?” he asks, lifting a gingerbread plush, and your heart sinks in your chest. 

Not a word comes out of your mouth for almost a minute, as you try to get some saliva in your mouth. “It’s — it’s me…” 

Haechan studies your expression and immediately puts it away, but you stop him. 

“I’m fine,” you mumble. “I just… I need time…” 

“I don’t need to know, it’s fine, really,” he reassures you, touching your hand, but you shake your head. 

“No, I want to,” you say. You wet your lips and fidget with your fingers before taking the plush in your hesitant hands.  

“It’s not a Christmas gift, but it’s the last gift I got from him… a few days before his death. He called me gingerbread because I was obsessed with gingerbread men as a kid. Honestly, I was terrorized by them, they were men, I thought I was committing cannibalism, but then I tried one and I loved being a cannibal,” you chuckle, voice shaking as you fight back tears. “And when I grew older, I wanted to make them myself, I wanted them to be our family thing, but they never became one. My parents worked until the 24th and didn’t have time to wake up early and make them with me, so it was only me and my brother. He would always wake up early with me and help me make them.” 

“You didn’t make gingerbread men today,” Haechan points out. 

“No, those are for the Eve and Christmas,” you say resolutely. “Don’t worry, I will make them for you,” you giggle, and he smiles. 

“Go on, I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s fine. I would be worried sick too to be left without my cookies,” you joke before turning serious. “A week before his death he walked in a street market and saw this,” you shake the plush in your hands and smile, “and he gifted it to me. He told me that it wasn’t Christmas, so that was a sign that he had to buy it for me and that it was scandalous that in fifteen years he never gifted me anything related to gingerbread men. And I remember that… I laughed so much when I saw it because it’s cute but also weird. The eyes are slightly not on the same level, the smile is funny, and the white lines are all different, this one doesn’t even reach the seam. And he told me that that made it even more special and that I’ve never been normal, so it was even more me.” 

“It looks like you now that I look better at it,” Haechan says, there’s a hint of irony but also sweetness in his voice.

You chuckle, wiping away a tear. “He used to often remind me he would always protect me, but when he gave me that, there was something different. And even if that was me, it was almost his way of telling me that he was always going to be with me, that’s why he had bought two. But his one was normal, and he kept it in the car.” 

“You can stop,” Haechan says as soon as he guesses when this is going, but you shake your head. 

“I held onto this toy for days at the hospital and it was the last thing he held before he… well… you know.” Your voice is broken by tears, the same ones that are rolling down your cheeks, but you’re fine. “I hated this, I hated that his got lost, destroyed, I don’t know, I… never dared to watch the conditions of the car after. I hated it because it was supposed to be me and this gingerbread man, not him. I hated it because it had lost his other half but didn’t feel half the pain I felt. So I threw it away.” 

“But…” 

“Is still here… yes. Because it’s me, and I survived,” you say, chuckling. “No, I’m kidding, no paranormal shits, it’s simply Johnny, I guess. He always knew what was better, and he must’ve kept it to the side, waiting for the right moment to bring it back to me.” 

Haechan hums, his thumb still caressing your palm. “Are you mad?” 

You raise your head, wiping away the tears. “No, I’m glad he always knows what to do with me. If you think you met me at my worst, you have no idea what Johnny had to go through when it all happened. He had to see the joyful, reckless, funny little girl he always knew turn into a cryptic, scheming, and cold woman from day to night and still decided to stick with me. He saw me at my worst, literally…” you breathe out. Another reason why you don’t like to think about back then is because you hate who you were. 

“You deserved him, you deserved to have someone that didn’t judge you or blame you.” 

You shrug. “I don’t know… I gave him a good dose of shit to deal with, as if he wasn’t mourning my brother too.” 

“You know, from all these conversations we had over the past months, and after I could see what you have with Johnny from a closer point of view, I think you’re missing something.” 

“Me?” 

Haechan nods. 

Your lips twitch in a wince, it’s been a while since Haechan taught you a life lesson, but usually you can see where he’s going, right now, you have no idea. “And what is it?” 

“You always say that Johnny is like your brother, but Johnny is your brother. The three of you were raised together, his mom loves you as if you’re her daughter, and we all know that your brother trusted him with you so much that Johnny promised him to always keep you safe. Johnny didn’t choose to stay because he’s a good friend, but because you’re his sister, and because after losing his brother, he wasn’t going to lose you too. Maybe you hurt him, I truly don’t know what you two have been through, but he loves you so unconditionally that I’m sure he doesn’t regret it. And he would stick by your side over and over again.” 

You smile fondly and hum. “You’re right, but I guess I’ll never get free of my guilt, will I? I mean, I still feel so bad for everything I put you through, no amount of good things happening between us makes me feel at peace with myself.” 

“Not to take your therapist’s place but remember what she told you? Why you love to punish yourself for every little thing?” 

You pout, nodding silently. Your awareness of you not being the cause of your brother’s death didn’t make the deepest parts of you aware in the same way. Something unconscious was still screaming at you, urging you to punish yourself even when there was forgiveness from the other side. 

“Can you hug me? I don’t know what else to say,” you confess, and he smiles at you, pulling you into a hug. It lasts for minutes. Minutes of silence, heartbeats, and nothing more. Comfort. Peace. Healing. And when it breaks apart, you smile, feeling another brick of your walls falling down. 

“Do you want to put this in a nice place or are you using it to take over your anger?” 

You smile, grabbing the plush. “I want to put it somewhere nice.”

You never felt so much anxiety run through your bones as you do right now; pacing back and forth in the living room, staring obsessively at the clock, waiting to hear the ring of the bell that will mean such a big change for you. 

You might’ve underestimated what meeting your boyfriend’s parents (and family) truly meant. All the hype you had until two weeks ago, disappeared when you remembered you had never met any of your partner’s parents before. 

“Okay, enough.” Haechan jumps off the couch and stops you midway, blocking your arms. “I usually let you do your weird things, but you will consume the floor if you keep doing this and you will drive me insane.” 

“But I’m nervous,” you whine, starting to torture your lips.

“Oh my god, stop that too,” he says, pulling your lower lip out of your teeth with his thumb. “Move and you’ll see,” he warns when he sees you lift your hand, knowing it will end up in your mouth to pull at your hangnails. 

You sigh defeated and slump on the couch. “I’m nervous.” 

“I got it,” he says, sitting next to you. “They’re chill, I promise.” 

“But I was fine before. Maybe this is a gut feeling, you know? Something is telling me this will go wrong…” 

“Yeah, and that something is your paranoid ass. Babe, come on. You’re perfect.” 

You’re far from perfect, and sometimes you wish you could see yourself from his eyes to see what he sees of you because you struggle to see the amazing things he notices about you. And you fear his family will be extremely disappointed when the fantasies his son tells them through the phone won’t meet the reality. 

Haechan is about to open his mouth again when the intercom rings, and you freeze. 

“Come with me,” he smiles, reaching out a hand, tapping his feet when it takes you too long to take it. “Babe, come on.” 

“I’m gonna pass out,” you mumble as your hand reaches him and you get up from the couch. Haechan sighs deeply as he basically drags you to the intercom to open the door on the floor. 

“You’ll be fine,” he says, trying to shrug off what he’s feeling. Now that you’re so anxious, he can’t help but feel it too. Maybe this was too soon, maybe you’re not ready, maybe this will be the breaking point and he will lose you again. 

But then the doorbell rings, and you’re the first to reach out your hand and open the door. 

“Hi, mom,” Haechan greets when he sees you’re struggling to find the words and throws himself in her arms to give you time to take it all in. 

“Hyuck,” she says, her calm tone filled with love, “look at you.” Her hands cup his cheek and squeeze them roughly, making him groan, and you chuckle. “And look at you,” she adds, bringing her attention to you. 

“Hello, Mrs. Lee,” you greet, bowing at 90°, but she laughs, and you freeze. 

“Oh, honey, please, just come here and let me give you a warm welcome to the family,” she encourages you, opening her arms. 

You quickly glance at Haechan, silently asking if this is a test, but he reassures you with a smile and nods in her direction. So, you step forward and hug her. 

“You smell so good, honey,” she compliments, squeezing you before letting you go, and resting her hand on your shoulder. “And wow. Haechan kept talking about you and I guessed you were pretty but not like this, you’re beautiful.” 

“You’re too kind, Mrs. Lee,” you say, lowering your head to hide how shy you feel right now. “You look beautiful too, now I know why Haechan is so handsome.” 

She chuckles and then pats your arm. “Thanks, sweetheart. And just call me by my name, please.” 

“I will.” 

“So, where are the others?” Haechan asks, looking behind his mom and seeing the empty corridor. 

“We brought something, your dad is taking everything from the car, and your siblings are helping him,” she explains, lifting her bags as you let her come in. “I wanted to dim her trauma of meeting the whole family at once, so I came here as soon as we parked.” 

Haechan rolls his eyes, grabbing the bag. “Food?” 

“It wasn’t necessary, we prepared everything,” you say. 

“I’ll never show up at your house with empty hands, darling,” she replies. “Also, I wanted you to try some of my specialties, I couldn’t wait anymore.” 

A warm smile spreads on your face as you feel you can finally breathe again. Maybe this won’t be a disaster. “I can’t wait to taste them.” 

Haechan was right. His family is loud. But it’s a kind of loudness you missed for so long, you can’t complain. His family is nice, and you can easily slide into conversations with them. The afternoon was mostly calm, you talked to get to know each other and ease the tension, you showed them the house —there wasn’t much to show, but they appreciated it anyway— and you even talked about future plans. 

But now you’re alone in the kitchen, placing the plates you used for the appetizers in the sink, and when you smell smoke, you know it’s time for everything that went well until now to turn into a mess. 

“Oh God, fuck no,” you curse under your breath, blocking your nose with your hand as you wave away the smoke from the oven and try to open it. “Not tonight, it can’t be fucking possible.” 

“Hey, what’s going on — oh,” Haechan says, entering the kitchen after he hears the clattering and your murmuring. 

“It burned. I burned the fucking lasagna. I have to make a good impression on your family and I burn it, I just burn it,” you almost cry, panicking over the burned pasta in the oven dish that now sits on the countertop. “Everything was supposed to be perfect, I had it all planned, and now, oh my god, the meat, check the meat,” you rant, turning around to check the oven again. 

Haechan sighs, head peeking out of the kitchen door. “Sorry, just wait a sec, we’ll be there with the first,” he warns his family before locking the door behind him, not waiting for their answer. It’s not like they care much, busy eating bread, drinking delicious wine, and still admiring the beautiful job you and him did with the decorations. 

“Hey, look at me,” he says, blocking you in place. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. It was supposed to be the first big serving of our dinner,” you whine, furrowing. “Our first Christmas dinner together and I fuck it up.” 

“You didn’t,” he says, looking behind you, trying to hide his face because yes, it is burned, but he’s sure you can find a solution. You two always do. “We’ll fix it.”

“I won’t serve your family a burned lasagna, I refuse,” you cry, hiding in the crook of his neck. “What will your mom think of me?” 

He chuckles. “Really? My mom is in love with you, she didn’t stop complimenting you for one second. The way you look, how smart you are, how pretty this place is and how well you keep it, the delicious food you’ve prepared. I’m sure she’ll have a story for a burned something too, come on.” 

“No, let’s take the first layer off,” you say, pushing him away. “It’s ugly.” 

“First,” he says, coughing, “we’ll open the window, alright? I don’t want to poison ourselves.” You watch him as he does and then go back to the mess in front of you. “And now, let’s fix this.” 

You two take the first layer off, but you don’t feel better, that’s not supposed to be the last layer. You put so much love into it, finishing it with mozzarella and cheese, and now it’s burnt. 

“It looks terrible, they will think I don’t know how to cook,” you huff. 

“I know how to fix it, any parmesan cheese left?” Haechan asks, and you nod, opening the fridge to hand him the box with it in it. You watch him as he puts it on, hiding the tomato sauce, and making it look a bit better, and you think that he’s always the one fixing your mistakes. “See? It’s perfect now.” 

You groan because it’s not what you planned. But it’s still better than before. “Let’s not make them wait longer.” 

“Everything alright? Something happened in there?” His father asks when you two come out of the kitchen, closing the door behind, so the air in there can change, but you won’t freeze in the living room. 

“Yeah, just a minor problem,” Haechan explains sitting the dish down, and you know he wants to pretend nothing happened, but you can’t keep it in. 

“I burned it,” you confess. “I’m sorry, but I got distracted here talking and I forgot about it, and I burned it. And we took the burned part out, but this is not my lasagna. I’m a master at it, and I’m sorry this mess is your first encounter with it.” 

“Oh, sweetie,” his mom says, “all the things I burned all the time. Try to manage four little demons and it will be surprising when you don’t make mistakes in the kitchen.” 

“Hey! We’re angels,” his youngest brother, Dongwook, complains. “Also, can I have the burned part? I love it when it’s crispy.” 

“It’s burnt, not crispy, it’s bad for you,” you say, but his big eyes pleading you, make you look at his parents for approval. 

“Can you bring it here, please? We’ll see how bad it is,” his father says. 

“Dad, Dongwook, you don’t need to see it,” Haechan intervenes, and you know he’s doing it to protect you but you reassure him with a hand on his shoulder. 

“Sit, it’s fine. I’ll go take it.” 

You take a deep breath and enter the kitchen again before coming out with the plate with what you and Haechan took off. “Here’s the mess.” 

“This is not burnt,” Dongwook jumps in his seat, grabbing the plate and smiling happily. “You took out the best part!” 

You look at his mother with concern because that is burned, maybe not a lot —you took out the completely black parts and only kept what could be somehow saved, less than half of the top layer— but it’s not crispy either. 

Mrs. Lee just shrugs and tells you not to worry with a wave of the hand and you relax a bit. 

“If it’s not good you don’t have to eat it, we have the meat, it’s still cooking, but it’s good,” you say as Haechan puts a slice in each plate. “I’ll get up in a few minutes to make sure that won’t burn.”

“Why are you so stern with yourself?” His sister, Dasom, asks and you freeze. 

“Dasom,” Haechan scolds. 

“What?” She scoffs. “She’s cool, if I was her, I would be annoying in the opposite way.” 

You chuckle and lower your head because they’re so nice to you. 

“You can’t ask people you’re not close with these questions,” he retorts, clearly not caring that her comment was supposed to be a positive one. 

“It’s fine, Hyuck,” you say, reaching for his hand now that he’s sitting back at its place next to you. “I’m just a bit nervous and I want this dinner to go well. I wanted everything to be as perfect as I planned and…” when things don’t go as planned, I go insane, your son and brother was a victim firsthand, “…when they don’t, it just throws me off a bit. But it’s fine.” 

“Shit!” Daehyun, the middle child, screams. 

“Ya!” Mrs. Lee slaps his arm, glaring in an admonition to not say swear words. 

“This is good!” he says, ignoring his mother. “Perfect. Girl, if this is not your best lasagna your best one is Star Michelin worth it!” 

“Oh, no, that’s too much,” you say, starting to breathe again because for a moment you feared he had found a bone or nerve or something else in it. But you can’t hide the smile on your face when the entire family praises you, the little one even telling you to always burn it because he loves the crispy layer. You’re sure they’re exagerating a bit to cheer you up, but you still think it’s kind enough that they care to put a smile on your face. 

Haechan nudges you subtly. “Told you,” he whispers, and you smile. 

“I’m glad you like it,” you say, shyly meeting their gazes and feeling full as you stare at their happy faces. 

And you remind yourself that it’s fine if things don’t always go as planned, sometimes mistakes and unforeseen can bring nice things. If it wasn’t for the unexpected, you wouldn’t have Haechan by your side and you wouldn’t be having a happy Christmas dinner with your new family. 

You’re happy, and you feel at home. 

“Mom,” Haechan whines, hiding his face against your shoulder before lifting it again, letting out another heavy sigh, “you didn’t have to bring the photo album here.” 

“Oh, she did,” you chuckle, sitting better on the couch to be turned toward his mom who’s sitting next to you with the book resting on her legs. 

You feel Haechan’s head rest against you again, this time completely given up and ready to face the humiliation. 

“Are there embarrassing pics of us too?” His sister asks, sitting on the arm of the couch, leaning on her mom. 

“Probably,” Mrs. Lee giggles before opening the book. 

As the photos pass by, you can’t help but wonder why he’s so embarrassed. “You haven’t changed a bit,” you say, turning to him, moving your arm so you can wrap it around his shoulder, and his head presses against your chest. 

“Thanks, exactly what I needed to hear,” he scoffs, his voice filled with sarcasm. 

“You still have the same smile,” you point out, “and the mischievous grin.” 

“Oh, that has always been him. Every time he did something he wasn’t supposed to do, or ruined something, that little smirk was there. I couldn’t even get mad at him,” his mom explains, and you smile at the image forming in your mind. 

“Don’t pout,” you pinch his cheek, making him yelp, “it’s cute.” 

“As long as you don’t have any from my teenage years, we’re fine,” he says, making his siblings laugh. “It’s not funny. You had the same phase as me,” he points at the two oldest, “and you are in it right now.” 

“I’m not. I’m cool, unlike you.”

Haechan rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” 

“Look at this!” You scream, pointing a finger at a picture of him at the pool, he’s wearing a life vest and has a pool float around him, and his smile is so big as he waves at the camera with both hands. 

“We went to the pool that day, he didn’t know how to swim, he even ate with the lifesaver on,” his dad says, eliciting another groan from him. 

“Stubborn even as a child,” you joke, intertwining your hands. 

“Let’s not get there,” his sister rolls her eyes, and Haechan pokes his tongue out in reply. 

“You have curly hair?” You ask after seeing other pictures of him. 

“Wavy, I would say,” he replies, shrugging. 

“You look even softer like this. How did you not want to bite him every two seconds?” You ask his mom, and she laughs. 

“The cuteness of his face really saved him from a lot of troubles,” she says. “Remember when you stole Mrs. Park’s apples?” 

“I didn’t steal them, I had no idea about capitalism and economy. She gave them to me once, and I thought I could just take them,” he explains. “Turns out the real world is not that easy.” 

“Uhm, a young thief, I didn’t know you were such trouble,” you tease, and he glares at you but then breaks in a laugh. “But seriously, you should wear your natural hair more often, I always thought you would perm them somehow or steal my products to curl them, I had no idea they were natural.” 

“I always told him he looked better like that, never listened,” Dasom chimes in. “But I’m sure he will listen to the love of his life,” she mocks in a high-pitched voice and Haechan throws her a pillow. 

You’d laugh at their exchange if only being called ‘the love of his life’ didn’t make your brain short-cut for a few seconds and send the beats of your heart to an insane rhythm. 

“The love of your life, ugh?” You whisper. 

“You know you are,” he says, smiling at you. “Or does this scare you away?” 

“Not even your emo phase scared me away, so nope, I don’t think this will.” 

“Hey! You didn’t see that yet.” 

“But we’re getting close, the middle school years are around the corner,” his mom says.

The middle school years don’t scare you away, if it’s possible it all makes you love him even more. But the pictures you loved the most were the ones of the family. The ones where he’s holding his sibling after their births, the ones with them on their bikes, on a swing, while playing football or going down a slide. The ones of their summers, mostly at the few parks they had near because it was hard to go somewhere else, but it didn’t matter. You find yourself in them, glimpses of your family and the struggles you went through, always ending in little things that were enough to make everyone happy because being together was all that mattered. And you find yourself in them even now, as they talk, telling you stories, bickering over details that are insignificant but at the same time mean everything, teasing each other in ways only siblings can do. And you miss that, you feel a deep hole in your chest as you watch Haechan laugh with his sister. The way he talks to her, teases her, but at the same time has her back, reminds you of your brother and you. You feel the same void when you look at his parents, how they smile at their kids, the gentle touches of his mom, and the awkward way of demonstrating love of his dad. It all brings you home, and you wonder for a second what it would’ve been like… if only your parents were there too, if only the holiday weren’t such a slap in the face. 

But after the cold shower, you feel a warm embrace. When his mom’s touch reaches you with soft pats on your knees or shoulder. When his sister talks to you to side against him. When his dad tells you he will show you how to carve wood. When his brothers eat your gingerbread men and keep praising you. 

What could’ve been doesn’t matter because there is something now. This is good. You see a light at the end of the tunnel. You feel that your ‘what ifs’ might turn into reality one day, that maybe not next year, but in three, your family will be here too, and you will tell your stories just the same. Because you have a lot of them, and you’re sure your parents would get along with Haechan’s so well. This is warm. There’s not the cold of your lonely apartment or the awkward, abrupt silence as Johnny’s mom went back to her words, terrified of ruining your day. The void that opened in your heart is easily filled by them, and even if you can’t follow everything perfectly, and sometimes it gets overwhelming, you have Haechan’s hand on yours. He never leaves it, it’s there, right on top of yours, caressing your skin, keeping you grounded. 

But then the question everyone has avoided comes. It’s like a drop falling on a vase full to its brim, and it freezes you and Haechan right on the spot. 

“Can I ask where are your parents?” 

“Mom,” Haechan is the first to talk, the stern gaze he gives his mom makes you feel worse than the question she asked. 

“Sorry, I… I didn’t know, I thought she wanted maybe a break to call them or —” 

“Mom!” 

“It’s fine,” you stop him, looking into his eyes to calm him. “I’m fine.” 

“You don’t have to tell them. They were doing fine without knowing anything,” he replies, looking at you. You can feel the anger in his voice and his eyes. 

“I can tell bits,” you say. “Small steps, remember? You taught me that.” 

You can feel the confused gazes in the room, and the attention annoys you more than having to explain yourself. 

 When you turn around, you see his mom, who is about to apologize again, but you stop her by lifting your hand. “My parents are not here,” you say. “I mean it’s obvious, and I guess you want to know why. I’m…” you chuckle nervously. “I’m pretty sure we… we go along well, and we’re family now… right?” You ask hesitantly. 

“Yeah, of course, you were family the moment I saw Haechan’s eyes shine bright when he spoke about you,” his mom says, and you smile. 

“Good. And families should be open with each other, but there are some things I… I still want to keep to myself.” 

When Haechan hears your voice shake, he places his hand on your back, and you relax at the touch. “Me and my parents basically don’t talk anymore. We text for the birthdays, and the important holidays but that’s it. There’s a reason behind it and I think no one is to blame, something happened and the three of us reacted badly, so I don’t want you to think they’re bad.” 

“We’re sorry,” they say at the same time, and you chuckle. 

“We would never think that anyway, not without knowing people’s stories,” his mom says. “I’m sorry I asked. I didn’t think that since you didn’t bring it up, you didn’t want to talk about it.” 

“No, it’s fine. I’m glad you did, so you at least know this of me,” you reassure her. “And I’m sorry I’ve been quiet about myself. I prefer present-me to past-me, especially if I can’t talk about… if I can’t tell the full story.” 

“It’s like Haechan’s middle school pictures,” his sister says, clearly to take some pressure off your shoulders, and you laugh. “Imagine seeing the photos and not telling that he did that to get a girl’s attention.” 

“Dasom, it was a serious moment!” Haechan says. 

“What? She laughed! She’s prettier when she laughs, and she was sulking. You shouldn’t want to see your girlfriend sad,” she justifies, sipping on her drink, and you high-five her. 

“I don’t like you two being so close,” he jokes, pulling you back next to him. But with the corner of your eyes, you notice that his face is much more relaxed now. 

“But seriously, I… I thought I could talk about it, I do with him,” you say, pointing at Haechan. “But your stories were so happy and I miss that kind of thing, you know, a family like yours, so I prefer to listen to you. It made me happy, and I don’t want to make me and all of you sad.” 

You can see the pity behind their eyes. They don’t know what happened, but they can guess, and anything it’s not a happy guess, so they’ll want to tell you something but you stop that from happening. 

“And since it’s almost midnight, and we need to open the gifts soon, why don’t we lighten the mood with some music?” You say, standing up. “Dasom, what about your karaoke?” 

She gasps, staring at Haechan behind you. “You told her?” 

“Of course, I needed her to be ready.” 

“I wouldn’t have done that here, with her, on our first meeting,” she says. 

“But I want you to, I used to do it with my brother, so it would mean the world to me.” You see that when you talk about your brother it’s like she realizes it, something makes her understand what happened, but she doesn’t say anything. She smiles, gets up, and grabs your hand. You jokingly find yourself thinking that if anything will ever go wrong with Haechan, you might try to date her. 

“I’ll go get something else to drink,” Haechan says, getting up, “you two monsters come with me.” 

The rest of the night goes smoothly. You sang for a while before sitting on the floor around the coffee table to eat the dessert you and Haechan’s mom prepared. Popped the champagne when the clock hit midnight, exchanged gifts (his mother gave you two homemade matching sweaters, they were so beautiful you struggled to have a normal reaction), and then played board games.

“I really wish you could stay but this place is so small, I wouldn’t know where to make you sleep,” you say when you’re exchanging goodbyes. 

“You worry too much, honey,” Mrs. Lee says, hugging you. “Everything was perfect, from this afternoon to the dinner, and then the photos, the singing. I never had so much fun. And you know what, I was truly sorry for your lasagna, but it was so nice to not be the one that has to worry about that for once,” she jokes, eliciting a quiet laugh from you. 

“I’m glad you had fun. I never planned a Christmas dinner before, and I feared making you come here from the afternoon would’ve bored you or something, but I think it was a great idea.” 

“It was. And for being your first time, you were amazing. You have nothing to worry about, also the mistakes and the funny things end up in the stories we tell in the years to come, right?” 

“Right.” 

“Get dressed,” she orders the youngest before glaring at Daehyun, “you’re twenty, you should do your things without me telling you.” 

You laugh when they resume bickering while putting their coats on. You catch her rolling her eyes before bringing her attention to you. 

“You know, Donghyuck didn’t bring many people at home before. Most of the time, I had to guess he had some flings or something, but even the ones he felt were worth meeting us, weren’t like you. And I’ve seen him in love, I’ve seen him do crazy stuff, but I’ve never seen him like this,” she smiles fondly. “A mother notices a lot of things, and I’ve noticed his touches on your hand, how he plays with your hair or caresses your back, I’ve seen him rage when one of us overstepped. But most importantly, I see the love. I already had the feeling through the phone calls, but seeing his eyes light up, watching him get lost in you with every breath… wow, I fear you put a spell on him,” she chuckles. Her gentle eyes move between you and her son as a soft smile curls her lips, creating some wrinkles on her cheeks. 

“He loves me like nobody ever loved me before, and…” you pause, turning your attention on him, watching him laugh with his dad, smiling in reflection before your eyes are on his mother another time. “I know it might sound exaggerated from the outside, but his love saved me more than I knew I needed to be saved.” 

She smiles, caressing your arm. “Yeah, I noticed that too. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if that made you bond more, but if you ever fear he’s not into this, I want you to know that he’s serious. When he told me he moved out of his apartment to live with his girlfriend, I was speechless. I thought he was never going to settle down, especially not so soon. But he did that, and even if he was afraid, he was happy about it.” 

You want to tell her he was afraid for you, but you can’t or else she might think you don’t love him just as much, so you smile and nod. “This was a big step.” It’s not a lie, it was a big step for him too. His life was completely different before you two met and everything changed. 

“Oh, but an amazing one. Look at how cute your place is, it feels like home. Even if it’s not big, even if it doesn’t have design pieces, even if it’s not in the center of town, you’ve got each other. And that’s something you can’t ever take for granted,” she says, and you see her smile sadden a bit as she looks over at her husband, who’s now busy talking with Haechan and Dasom. “But I don’t want to talk about what I had to go through with my husband, what matters is that we made it, and we raised four wonderful kids. And I don’t know if you want them or not, it doesn’t matter, there’s time to grow and change, but you’re young now, and have all your life to live, just the two of you. I just want you to remember to always have each other’s back. Even if you both decide you want to make another big step, you have to have each other to give love and water another flower.” 

You wipe away a tear, lowering your head, and she coos, caressing your cheek. “No, darling, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” 

“It’s fine,” you reassure her. Her words made you sad for other reasons, stinging right at the missing piece left by the absence of your parent’s love. “I’m very lucky to have him. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

“Mom,” Haechan’s voice rings behind you, and you notice his worried look when he sees you wipe away some other tears. 

“We were just talking, I’m about to cry too, it’s normal,” she explains, smiling at you and you smile back. 

“Sure?” He asks you and you nod. “Yeah, also, I’m just a bit tired.”

“We’ll go now, seriously. We stayed way too long,” she says, calling the sibling at her side with a snap of the fingers.

“Tomorrow at lunch you’ll be here, right?” Haechan asks. His arm wraps around your waist, and he pulls you closer, thumb caressing your side in gentle motions. 

“I do not plan on eating at that hotel, so you can bet I’m going to be seated here, eating the amazing food she cooks,” his dad replies, and you chuckle. 

“Even if I burn it?” you joke. 

“Yes, even if you poison it, honestly.” 

“He ate something at the buffet when we arrived and wanted to change the hotel,” Haechan’s sister adds, rolling her eyes, and making you all laugh. 

“That’s where you get the overdramatic-ness,” you whisper only for Haechan to hear, and he mocks you with a stupid face. 

“Well, time to go, we annoyed them enough,” Dasom says, pushing the younger out of the door. “Merry Christmas, and thank you for everything!” 

“Merry Christmas to you too!” You and Haechan greet again, watching as they all make their way out of the apartment. “See you tomorrow.” 

“Cover up, it’s cold outside,” you say. “And drive safely, please.” 

“We will, it’s not far from here,” his dad reassures you. 

“Goodnight!”

When you make sure they enter the elevator, you close the door behind, and you sigh. 

“Yeah, I now realize I should’ve made you meet them sooner for a shorter amount of time,” Haechan says right away with a hint of irony in his voice. 

“You’re kidding, they’re amazing. I love them.” 

“So you’re not overwhelmed?”

“Maybe a bit, but they’re so much fun. Your mother is lovely. And I love your sister, I need her number so we can become friends.” 

“Nope, not happening. You two together will be the death of me,” he laughs, shaking his head.  

You stick your tongue out before opening your arms to him, begging for a hug. He doesn’t hesitate to pull you in, breathing deeply your sweet scent as he caresses your back. “You did so well today, I’m so proud of you.” 

You don’t reply, just smile in the crook of his neck as your arms hold him tighter and feel all the pent-up stress leave your shoulders. You let his perfume lull you, and the warmth of his body calm you. You two stay there for a while, he leaves small kisses on the top of your head, and you chuckle when it tinkles, and just hug him tighter. And you think that, even if you’re always all over each other, hugging is not something you do a lot, and you need to change that. But you’re both starting to feel the tiredness of the day, and you’re the first to pull away.

“Come on, let’s go get changed, I want to slump in our ugly pajamas together.” 

In less than twenty minutes, you both have showered and changed into your matching pajamas, the lights in the living room are off, and you’re ready to go to bed.

When you enter the bedroom, you see Haechan at the window, looking outside, and you quickly reach him, hugging him from behind and starting to leave kisses on his neck, making him giggle.

“What?” He hums when he looks behind and finds you staring at him with big doe eyes. 

“You were so cute as a kid,” you whisper. 

“Yeah, I noted that you would’ve had a crush on me if we met during kindergarten,” he chuckles, and you do the same. 

“No, dummy,” you scoff. “I mean, yes, probably. You were a charmer with your pretty curls and that smile. Would’ve swept little me right off my feet.” 

He turns around, hugging you. “Should we go back in time and see?” 

“Nah, I like our romantic start with the fuck in the car, more appropriate for adult-us,” you joke, and he laughs. “But little you got me a baby fever.” 

“Oh,” Haechan says, furrowing. “You run fast when you want to.” 

You shake your head, snickering. “I’m not that serious, I don’t want it right now, but... it sparked in my mind just for a moment.”

“Yes, we would make pretty kids, that’s what you’re saying.” 

“You ruin all the fun with all this mind-reading,” you pout, crossing your arms on your chest, and he laughs, kissing your pout. 

“Sorry,” he says. “I can’t give you a kid right now, but we can practice, so we know what to do when we want one.”  

You stare at him. “Tell me this was not supposed dirty talking because it’s the worst line that ever came out of your mouth.” 

“Hey! I was trying to be sexy.” 

“You’d be sexier if you just straight up told me you wanted to fuck. Because it’s also what I’ve been subtly trying to tell you.” 

“Nah-ah, you said you wanted my kids,” he teases, kissing your lips. 

You roll your eyes. “Not what I wanted to say.” 

“I don’t reckon a breeding kink, though. Missed something from your bdsm test results?” 

“Shut up, that’s weird. I was being sweet before, not horny. And breeding kink is only funny when it doesn’t turn into actual pregnancy.” 

He stares at you with a confused face, and you scoff, waving him off with your hand. 

“Can I give you the special Christmas gift?” You say, changing subject, batting your lashes seductively at him.

“Sure.” 

“Sit on the bed,” you order and then watch as he does what you say before you take a few steps back so there’s some distance between you. 

“You will not striptease with that ugly nightwear on?” 

You roll your eyes and sigh heavily. “Why do you have to ruin all the fun? This is the best part of it all, the ugly nightwear. Now, will you let me do what I have to do, or do I have to go to somebody else? You know, we don’t have Mark next door anymore, but the neighborhood down the corridor is always so nice to me, and he used to flirt before you moved here, so I’m sure he would appreciate it.” 

“Oh, shut up! He’s lowkey a creep, and he always stares at you as if he’s never seen a woman his entire life. He probably wouldn’t even make you come, but he’ll nut in his pants as soon as you’ll touch him.” 

You chuckle at his accurate description. “So, you don’t want all this to go to waste, right?” you ask, pointing at your body from head to toe. “You better shut up and let me do what I have to do.” 

“Go on,” he says, nodding, and then sits more comfortably on the bed. 

Your dance as you strip is not exactly the sexiest thing on earth with the fluffy, baggy pants and no music playing in the background, but Haechan is having a lot of fun anyway watching your hips move, your hands run on your body, and your teasing faces. 

But it quickly turns serious when you lift your top off your head, revealing a red lace bra. 

“Fuck,” Haechan mutters, sucking his breath in and squeezing his thighs for a second. He has your body imprinted in the back of his mind by now, yet, every time, you leave him breathless. 

You keep going, letting the pants fall on the floor and gracefully picking them up to lay them on the chair, hips swinging as your hands run on your exposed body. You turn around, giving him a perfect view of your ass, and he bites back a moan. You chuckle delightedly, feeling shivers form on your skin when you hear him shuffle with his pants, probably pulling them down to ease the boner. 

You bend over, looking at him upside down, winking when he meets your gaze, before giggling when your eyes fall on his fist wrapped around his dick. 

“Hard already?” You ask teasingly, standing up and facing him. 

“What does it look like?” 

You pout, tilting your head. “I guess we have to do something about it. It’s too easy to turn you on.” 

“It’s not my fault you know all the right bottoms to push,” he replies. 

You huff. “Please, I just danced a bit, like this,” you stop, swinging your hips again and touching your body, cupping your boobs in the see-through red bra before reaching your neck and moving down again. “And bent over.” 

He sighs again, but you notice the gulp when he follows your body. “Dance for me?” 

You smile. “You don’t want me to take care of you?” 

“Not yet,” he breathes out. “Just dance for me, I’ll put some music on.” 

You smile and start moving, this time with slow music filling the silence. The Christmas lights hanging in the bedroom make the room look like a club, and you quickly get into the vibe. 

Seeing Haechan stroking his hand on his hard dick lazily while his eyes are stuck on you, is turning you on much quicker than expected. It goes on for a while, your body moving to the rhythm while his hand gradually picks up the pace, especially when you get in more provocative positions or get close to him, only to leave him with nothing.  

“Touch yourself,” he orders after long minutes of silence. “Bring the armchair in front of me and touch yourself with me.” 

A small gasp leaves your lips, but you’re quick to follow the instructions. You slowly sit, trying to maintain the sexy vibe. 

“Don’t undress.” His voice stops you right when your hands are about to pull the panties down. “You look too good in that set to throw it on the floor already.” 

You smirk, and then your hands move on your body. You throw your head back on the chair as you enjoy the sensation of your hands running on your skin, teasing your nipples, and slowly —too slowly, from Haechan’s annoyed groan— you start parting your legs. It’s clear it’s not enough when he says a stern call of your name. 

“Something wrong? Do you need something?” You tease, tilting your head to the side while your hands never stop touching your body, everywhere but where he wants you to. 

His eyebrow raises, and he scoffs. “You shouldn’t be naughty on Christmas, you know that?” 

You snicker, rolling your head back for a second before locking your gaze again. “Pfft, I already had my gifts, I can be as naughty as I want to.” 

“But do you? Do you want to?” He teases you, leaning a bit over. “I can see the dark spot from here, are you sure you want to punish yourself any longer?” 

You gulp at the intensity of his eyes. One second, you two are in a teasing-switchy-mode, and then one second later, he has this hold on you with just one look, pinning you down, leaving you no choice but to obey. 

“Good girl,” Haechan praises as soon as your legs spread open, one dangling down the seat, the other dangling on the armrest, and your fingers start moving your clit. 

A gasp of relief comes out of your lips, and your eyes flutter shut.

“Nah-ah, look at me. I want you to keep your eyes on me.” 

You lock eyes with him, feeling warmer. You love the way he looks at you, you’re sure you’ll never get tired of it. His eyes are full of lust and love, making you feel desperately wanted and loved. You feel so comfortable in that, knowing you can let him do whatever you both want and never feel used. It is a recurring thought every time you’re exposed to him because it’s something that you didn’t experience in the past. 

“Can — can you tell me what to do?” You shily ask. 

His lips curl in a smirk. “You want me to give you instructions? Not in the mood to have control tonight?” 

You shake your head. You don’t feel like it, even if you love teasing and being bratty, tonight you want to leave the reins in his hands and let him guide you. 

“Good.” Haechan clears his throat and sits better on the bed, his hand still slowly touching himself while the other lays flat on the mattress to keep his body up. “Tease your nipples with your other hand, I know you love to play with your boobs.” 

Your hand moves up swiftly, not wasting a second, and a shaky breath comes out of your lips as your fingers rub the hard, sensitive bud. They’re already hard from the chilly temperature of the room, the heat warming it up just enough to be warm if dressed up, but soon get even harder from the stimulation. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” He asks with a teasing edge in his voice, and you nod. “Move the panties to the side, let me see how wet you are.” 

As soon as you move the crotch to the side, his eyes intensely stare between your legs as he licks his lips, watching your cum drip down, and you have to bite back a moan.

He snickers and you raise a brow. “And to think all you did was dance for me.” 

Your throat goes dry at the mockery but you find the words anyway. “But you — you are touching yourself.” 

Haechan chuckles again, throwing his head back to push back his hair before lifting it. “Yes? It turns you on so much to see my hand wrapped around my dick? Want to have your hand wrapped around it?” 

You nod as you bring your thumb to your lips, biting a hangnail. And he laughs. “You’re serious about me guiding you, torturing your pretty nails to contain yourself and don’t let a finger slip inside of you.” 

At the call out, you move away your thumb but he only laughs louder. “It’s fine, it’s fine. Slip a finger in and tell me what’s running in your mind.” 

Your finger slips in with ease, bringing relief, but words struggle to come out of your mouth as you feel smaller and smaller under his gaze. “I want to — I want to suck it.” 

Haechan smirks, tilting his head to the side. “Really? Want to be on your knees, between my legs?” 

You nod with much more enthusiasm needed, but you don’t care. It’s too tempting now that he has his legs vulgarly spread, his thick thighs begging to be touched as you take his dick in your mouth, and his eyes slightly glossy with pleasure. It’s not a common sight, but you love it. Looking up and seeing his face wrecked, his eyes teary, but what you love the most are his moans and whimpers, so high and needy, as he unconsciously starts fucking your mouth to reach his high. 

“Maybe I’ll let you do it after, but first take care of yourself…” 

You huff but don’t complain further and start to move your finger faster. 

“Good girl. Push another finger in, come on, fuck yourself faster,” he encourages, clearly understanding you’re growing impatient and want more. “You’re so filthy,” he snickers. “So fucking wet, listen to the pretty sounds you make.” 

A muffled moan is your reply to his comment, but your body speaks more than words. Your head rolls back and your eyes close before you remember he told you he wants you to keep eye contact, and your pussy gets even wetter with each pump of your fingers. 

“Please, another one,” you beg. Typically two fingers are perfect, but with each sound of his hand sliding up and down on his dick, and the sight of his length throbbing as droplets of cum roll down his cock and hand, you can’t help but want to fool your body that he’s inside of you. 

He smirks, but it’s not as teasing as before, he’s starting to falter too. “Go on, add another one. Stuff yourself full, pretend all you want that’s my dick inside of you.” It’s not much the dirty talk, but the way he knows you so well that makes you shiver and close your legs for a split second. There’s nowhere to hide with him. 

You bite your lips to push down your throat a pathetic, high moan when he stops his movements to take his top off, leaving it on the other side of the bed. He’s completely naked now, one hand running in his long brown locks before it goes back to his side to keep his body up, and the other wraps around his cock. 

“You’re so hot,” you whine, huffing. And he chuckles, cheeks blushing a bit. You rarely compliment him during sex, too fucked out to vocally tell him what he does to you, and it’s always your body speaking to him. So when it happens, he’s not used to it. 

“Am I? Or are you only turned on by this?” He jokes, head pointing between his legs. 

You shake your head. “It’s you, fuck. Your hair, your lips, the moles on your skin.” 

He chuckles, stopping your praises. “My moles?” 

“Yeah, your moles, I love them,” you confess. He should’ve got this a while ago, considering you always let your fingers brush them and connect them with invisible strings. “I love your stomach, your waist, your thighs. And your hands, fuck, they’re so beautiful.” 

This time it’s a genuine smile that spreads on his face before he lowers it to hide the effect your words had on him, and you smile too. 

“Want to come?” He asks, still overwhelmed by the praises, and you giggle. He’s always so confident, you can’t believe he’s acting shy now. 

“Yes, please. Together?” 

“Together.”

You pull the third finger out, prioritizing swiftness and deepness over thickness — you’ll have time for that. And start to quickly move your two fingers in and out while your thumb rubs your clit. Your other hand plays with your boobs with more eagerness, pinching the nipples and cupping the soft flesh as you please. And soon enough you’re both coming. Haechan’s fast strokes and loud moans are the last thing you need to come, unexpectedly squirting and hitting him too. 

“Fuck, that’s hot,” he groans, biting his lips, hips squirming as more cums keeps coming out of him, messily hitting his stomach, chest, and legs. 

Your head rolls back as the pleasure starts slowing down, your fingers are still lazily riding out the orgasm, and your eyes fall shut as your lungs take deep breaths. 

“Fuck, come here, this is torture,” Haechan groans, getting up to pull you on the bed on top of him, not waiting to be steady on his knees. 

You chuckle at his eagerness, honestly, you’re surprised he lasted that long without touching you. 

“Next time we’re doing this,” he hums, kissing you, “you’ll sit between my legs. I need to feel you close.” 

“Yeah, I noticed,” you giggle, pushing him flat down the mattress, and straddling his lap. Your hips grind on him, smearing the cum that splashed on his stomach on you, but you don’t care. You’re focused on kissing him, letting your fingers run in his long hair while enjoying the sensation of his running on your skin. 

“Mhh, are you going to be offended if I ride you instead of sucking your dick?” You ask, smiling awkwardly. 

He bursts into a loud laugh and then shakes his head. “Do you think I’d say no to that?” 

“I don’t know, I was kinda drooling over that, maybe the idea turned you on.” 

Haechan shrugs, pulling you into another kiss as his hands cup your ass. “It did turn me on, but I can’t stand another second not pressed against you. Why don’t we flip position, mhh? You wanted to be pampered tonight.” 

You smile, nodding. “Yeah, I’d prefer it. I don’t think I would last long on top.” 

He rolls you on your back, his lips never leaving yours and you chuckle in the kiss, trying to get rid of your panties, but he stops you again. “Keep them on, please.” You do as told, choking on a silent moan when his fingers brush your clit as he helps you keep them to the side. 

“You love this set, don’t you?” 

He nods, giving two tugs on his dick as he starts pressing it against your soaked slit. “Looks good on you.” 

A breathy, shaky moan slips from both of you as he sinks in, slowly as he always does, enjoying the feeling of every inch filling you up until he bottoms down. 

“You alright?” Haechan asks, and you nod with a small smile on your face. 

“Please fuck me?” You ask, trying to don’t show how eager you are. 

He chuckles but doesn’t tease you, instead, he places a hand on your hip and the other at the side of your head on the bed as his hips start moving. Each thrust is deep and long, knocking the air out of your lungs. And you get lost in the smooth movements of his body, rolling so easily to please you —God bless all those years of dancing. Your head rolls back when he snuggles in the crook of your neck to leave kisses on your skin, and your arms fly to wrap around him and bring him closer. 

You barely notice how one of his hands sneaks under your arched back to free you from the bra, and only sigh at the feeling of freedom that quickly gets overwhelmed with pleasure when his lips wrap around your hard nipples. 

“Fuck, Hyuck,” you whimper with your fingers clenched hard around his hair. You’re tempted to look at him, staring at his concentrated face as he sucks on your nipple, sending more shivers down your spine, but you’re too lost in pleasure and can’t bring yourself to look up. 

You bite your lips when he moves to the other side and the chill air of the room lingers over the warmth left by his mouth. The constant stimulation of your sensitive buds sends new shivers down your spine and makes the knot in your stomach tighten. 

“Fuck, babe, your boobs are so soft,” Haechan moans against your skin. His other hand creeps up and wraps around the neglected one, squeezing tight. 

A breathy moan rolls from your hips as your hand tangles in his hair and your hips jerk up against him.

“What? Why are you pulling away?” You ask in a whine when Haechan moves away from you and pulls out. 

“I don’t think you want me to rip them, right?” Haechan snickers as his fingers pull your panties down. 

“Oh, I thought — never mind,” you mumble, feeling heat creep on your face.  

He smiles, his gaze is gentle as ever as he lifts your face. “You thought I was leaving you?” 

You nod shyly, biting your lips. 

“I would never. See? I’m right here,” he reassures you. His lips meet yours, one hand cups your face and the other helps him slide into you again. 

You moan in the kiss while your hands reach his hair to pull him against you. “Want you,” you slur, watery eyes looking into his. 

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers. “I just needed to get them out of the way.” 

Your lips meet again, and never truly part again. His rhythm picks up again, but this time he pushes your legs against your chest, reaching deeper, making you feel every inch more. 

“Hyuck,” you whine, throwing your head back as you gasp for more air. 

“Feels good? Do you like it when I fuck you like this?” 

You nod frenetically. “Feels — feels good.” 

Haechan smirks, thumb brushing on your burning cheek before running over your quivering lips. “You’re so beautiful when you’re vulnerable like this,” he whispers, and you’re not sure you were supposed to hear it because it feels as if he’s talking about something else. It’s about you showing yourself fully to him, with no armor, and no mask, and not only during sex. 

“Fuck, that’s it, baby. Taking me so well, so warm and wet,” he mutters under his breath, messily kissing you again, and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his. With each drag of his dick inside of you, you feel closer to the edge, and automatically your legs wrap around his waist, pushing him deeper. 

“Fuck,” he groans, not expecting you to do that, and you feel his hips falter for a second, but he swiftly picks up the steady rhythm. 

“I’m close,” you whisper, and he hums. 

“Wait for me, can you, princess? I’m close too, just — fuck — just a bit more.” 

You nod and then feel the urge to do something. You’ve got more comfortable with time, but eye contact can still be pretty hard and vulnerable for you, yet you don’t think much when you cup his face and force him to look straight into your eyes. This time your stomach flutters from love, and you melt in his golden brown eyes looking into yours with nothing but love. And you can’t hold it anymore. “I love you,” you whisper, the sincerity and vulnerability in your voice watered down by lust but clearly there. 

Haechan doesn’t expect it; you see it in his eyes widening and you feel it in his hips slowing down for a few seconds. This is the first time it comes out of your lips while you’re having sex, he’s always the one getting a bit more caught up, confessing his love even in these intimate moments, while you save it for other times. He gulps, not knowing what do to, but then a shy smile creeps on his face as he lowers it again; just the time to regain his usual confidence before staring back at you. “I love you, too.” 

You smile, feeling warmth spread across your chest, and pull him in a kiss. 

And after that, you two are just skin and bones burning in synch in the passion of your love. One of your hands is in his hair, tugging a bit, while the other is wrapped around his shoulder, your nails scraping his delicate skin, and your legs are still wrapped around his waist. While Haechan’s hand is resting on your hip, and the other is holding his body up now that he’s lying closer to you and has more risk of losing balance. 

The orgasm washes over you at the same time as he keeps fucking into you and you kiss each other, moaning in the messy meeting of your lips. His fingers dig in your skin and your nails dig in his scalp, but none of you feel pain, just more pleasure as you both ride out your orgasm. 

Haechan doesn’t pull out right away. His head falls in the crook of your neck where he leaves more kisses, praising you in whispers, and you lay there with a dumb smile on your face. 

“Can I stay here inside of you forever?” He jokes, looking at you with a playful smirk on his face. 

You chuckle, shrugging. “I would lie if I said I’d be bothered, but unfortunately it would be impractical.”

“Fine, then just a bit more.” 

You both enjoy the intimacy of this closeness, occasionally kissing and caressing each other and when he pulls out of you, you groan, feeling suddenly cold. 

“I’ll be back, just let me get something to clean you up,” he says, leaving a peck on your lips before leaving. 

Haechan comes back with a wet towel in hand, sits next to you, and gently wipes you clean. Your legs close at the stimulation but his hand on your thighs helps you don’t focus on the fabric passing over your sensitive core. It’s quickly done, and he can come back next to you after a few minutes. 

You rest your head on his chest, feeling his heartbeat, and smile when his hand wraps around you and starts caressing your back after pulling the covers on top of you. 

“Thank you,” Haechan whispers, eyes fixed on the ceiling. 

“For?” 

“For trying,” he replies, looking down at you to meet your eyes. “This time of the year is always so hard for you, and even last year you hated it, even if we were already together. I know you used to love it, but I thought it was going to take more time to live it with a light heart, well, as light as it can be,” he chuckles, but it’s an awkward laugh. There’s some pain in his voice, and you know that if it was possible he would take your pain and put it on his shoulders, but he can’t. 

You flip on your stomach, to look at him better, but that doesn’t stop his fingers from dancing on your back. 

“You underestimate me,” you joke. You’re not sure you want to talk about this now. The holidays are long, you’ve planned the entire week with his family, except for two days, you might still have some lows. But Haechan seems to always appreciate every small step you take, and you feel good in that pride. 

“No, I know how hard some things are for you. And even if I want you to get better, I would never force you into anything. And it’s… it just means so much to me that you did all of this for me. I mean, for you too, but you started planning months before, you proposed to invite my family over for me. And trust me, I know that our house is still a sacred safe place for you, and you still don’t easily let people in, but you let them. And letting them in is probably scarier than when you let me in back then. But you did it, because you know how much I love my family and how much I love this month and this celebration, and what you did means everything to me.” 

You chuckle, pushing back some tears because you don’t want to cry. “You gave me the strength to do it. I couldn’t stay anchored to the past any longer, it was now or never. If I started hating the holidays even with you by my side, it would’ve been the end of it all. I… once I start relating negative experiences with something I never stop doing that. As much I loved the way the Suhs invited me over in the past years, I knew I couldn’t take another pity-Christmas-dinner. We should have one with them too one day, maybe, but no more pity, I can’t take it anymore.” 

Haechan smiles, caressing your face. “You were different when we ate at Johnny’s last time, I think his parents saw that too. And they weren’t walking on eggshells anymore. Let’s be honest, with you it’s not eggshells, it’s bombs, so I can’t blame them.” 

A soft laugh rolls off your tongue as your head falls against his chest, but the lighthearted moment comes to an end when a veil of sadness falls on your face. 

“Something wrong?” 

You shake your head. “No, I just realized some things.” 

“About you?” 

“About you,” you say. “I feel I will never be able to make you understand how much you changed my life for the better. And I know that in your eyes I sound so dramatic at times, but…” you sigh, eyes falling on the white sheets before meeting his curious gaze again. “But you mean so much to me, and you taught me everything I had forgotten with time. I used to go on with my days, but I didn’t fully live them. I was constantly afraid: of failing, of hurting someone, even killing someone, so I didn’t love, I didn’t feel. All my emotions in the past years were felt by a 30%, just to fool myself that if I didn’t give, if I didn’t put myself out there, I was safe, and… looking back at it now, it sucked.” You stop again, trying to give an order to your thoughts, and Haechan gets it. He doesn’t talk, he waits and listens. Haechan listens. To your words. To your cries. But most importantly to your silence. Because with you, at times, it says much more than words. 

“Somehow, I had died with him that day. Not physically, but I was quick to kill myself to punish myself for what happened. And then you brought me back to life. I was so scared with you because now I… I can die again. Now I have something to lose, I have so much to lose, and it should be scary, but I weirdly feel at peace. I know it doesn’t look like it, but I notice it because I scheme for the little things now, and just let life wash over me. I don’t want control of the bigger picture, I can direct the behind-the-scenes, I guess,” you joke, and he laughs too. His face is relaxed, and it feels good to be an open book, to have no fear of opening up and fearing that the other will leave. “Your mom told me something that made me think of this. As long as we’ll have each other’s back, it won’t be as scary. And this would be scary too if I felt that one of us wasn’t 100% sure of this relationship but, I don’t know, I have the impression that we might want to be in this for a long time.” 

Haechan chuckles, and then nods, pretending to think about it. “Yeah, I like ‘for a long time’. It’s stable but not forever. Let’s be honest, would I want to date you even in the afterlife? Nah, come on, give me a break at least there.” 

You laugh and then wrap an arm around his torso. “Just two dates with other ghosts, and then you’re coming back to me.” 

“Yeah, fine,” he huffs, but his voice is filled with irony, and then his lips are on yours again. 

“Be honest, was the lasagna that good, or did they fake it?” You ask with a furrow on your forehead, still tangled in the hug. 

Haechan laughs. “Oh my god, I gave you a mind-blowing orgasm and you’re still thinking about that? But yeah, it was good, if it was bad, you would’ve seen it in their faces. They loved it, and they love you.” 

The conversation doesn’t die there, but shifts from funny moments you had yesterday and the plans you have for the days to come. Then you realize you haven’t texted Johnny and his family a Merry Christmas yet; you could’ve done it in the morning, but you were used to waiting at midnight together and even if it’s almost 3 am, you still want to do it to somehow keep your tradition alive. 

You grab your phone, and write him a text, finishing it with the promise you’ll also be calling him tomorrow. You have so many things to tell him, you know it’s going to be a long call in the morning as you prepare everything for lunch. And right before you’re about to lock the screen again, Haechan stops you. 

“Wait, wait, wait, what? Who’s that?” He says, pointing at the name of a contact and you laugh. “Why are you laughing? What’s funny? My pathetic loser?”

“With a heart at the end,” you add, showing him the phone. “It’s you by the way.” 

Haechan gasps offended, but you see it’s all an act and he’s just curious to know why you have him saved like that. “Really? I’m a loser? A pathetic loser?” 

“No, you’re my pathetic loser,” you correct him.  

He scoffs, shaking his head. “Oh, wow, that makes me feel better,” he jokes. 

“Well, it’s how I saved you when I got your number three years ago.” 

His eyes widen even more, and you’re not sure he’s completely faking it. “And couldn’t change it to something more romantic over the years?” 

“This is the romantic version. At first, you weren’t mine, just the cheesy, annoying, simpy, guy Johnny tried to make me hook up with, but now, you are the cheesy, annoying, simpy, love of my life.” 

He groans, ripping the pillow from under his head to hide his face and scream in it and you laugh at his reaction. “And then I’m the cheesy, romantic one!” He points out and you only shrug. 

“I can change it if you don’t like it,” you say, snuggling closer to him, pulling the pillow away to kiss his jawline and caress his hair back, soft and long, framing his face perfectly. 

“Are you kidding? I love it,” he says, pulling you on top of him, and kissing you. 

“Good, I’m glad you like it, my pathetic loser.” 

It’s late, but you can’t stop talking, tangled up in the sheets, after slipping back into your comfy pajamas, peeing, and leaving the shower for the morning. You tell him the stories you didn’t say today, and he tells you some others his family doesn’t know, and just when the clock hits 4, sleep starts to take over. The soft caresses on your back and his warm body close to yours lull you into a comfortable sleep.

It’s Christmas, you’re in Haechan’s arms, wearing matching pajamas, and your hearts are beating as one. Today will be another long day, but you’re confident it will be amazing, and what’s left of your fears won’t eat you up. They don’t matter, the past doesn’t matter, there’s only one thing that matters now. 

There are only three rules left: be alive, love, and be loved. 

general taglist: @froggyforyoongi , @wingsss45 ; @tddyhyck ; @technologyculturedneo ; @yellowgirllsblog

hits different taglist: @adorejaehyn​ ; @matchahyuck​ ; @jjhmk ; @ourbeautifulaffair​ ; @what-the-jams :​ @oleoleniall ;​ @kundann ; @bbagu​ ; @ismileeprnc-responder​ ; @produmads​ ; @zkdlllin ;​ @yesohhsehun​ ; @aliceinwhateverland ;​ @strangevante​ 

taglist with some people that interacted under HD (i hope this doesn’t bother you, just thought you might’ve liked being tagged since you showed love to the first one): @rjtulips ; @lmnhead ; @girlwholoveslpreppyattire ; @lovingvoidgoatee ; @brownsugarbaybee ; @canknot ; @adollsblog ; @ch1llkill ; @bacons-thighs ; @emptynote ; @addyanm ; @marklovexs ; @softieehcficrecs ; @brightestmark ; @jyanigoth ; @haechskies ; @rum-gone-why ; @melloworm ; @cheolctrl ; @taegr0wls ; @onlyseokmins ; @xtrataerrestrial ; @222brainrot ; @johnny-sassville ; @ujisworld ; @cup1dton ; @21497s ; @slushhie ; @sakamoto-hey ; @uyukyeom

taglist with people that interacted with the post: @harrypinks ; cont in comments

© neowinestaindress; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours. you can find my works on ao3 (neowinestaindress) and wattpad (winestaintedress_; currently inactive).

[olderthannetfic]

I accidentally killed my own desire to write, and I need some advice. To be really blunt about it, what's the point of writing? When I would spend lots of time laboring over making a good story with a plot and characters who were in-character and connecting all the dots narratively so payoffs were satisfying, my reward was dead silence and virtually no clicks. I posted some mindless smut to my side account one day and got more hits in a day than most of my other works combined got in a year. I know, I know. "Write for ~*~yourself~*~" is the common response. It's the "be yourself!" of writing. It's supposed to be a magical phrase that'll make everything okay. But... I don't like knowing that something I spend months working on won't be read by anyone while something I write in a car while bored got thousands of clicks. I don't like making something I'm proud of and then no one ever looks at it. That's not fun for me. It's not fulfilling.

For a solid decade, I've tried to ignore how the level of interactivity in fandom is falling. Fewer comments. Fewer kudos. No comments in the bookmarks. You put your tumblr and Discord in the AN and get a handful of asks and one person who adds you, talks to you twice and then ghosts you. Most of the comments are "well, actuallys", made even more annoying by them being wrong as opposed to actually correcting an error. I avoid fandom drama, wank, and infighting. I don't engage with things I know will make me unhappy. I try to be happy over in my own little corner. I comment on every single work I read. I want people to enjoy fandom. I used to.

Some dumb smut I wrote in 40 minutes gets five times the hits of the writing I'm most proud of, and it gets it in just under three months. I am not a great smut writer. I haven't stumbled onto an incredible talent I had that makes it so the issue is that I'm so amazing my smut brings all the boys to the yard. People just don't like what I write and put effort into. It's very likely that despite 20 years of writing fic, I suck at writing. And people enjoy my writing most when they don't have to put up with anything substantial and can just skip to the sex.

So for the last eight months, when I write, I just sort of give up. Close the Word doc without saving. No one will read this. No one cares about this. There is no fan eagerly awaiting every update like I await updates from my favorite authors. There's not even someone saying, "update soon!" Close the Word doc. Delete old WIPs. There's no point. I do not tell stories worth reading. I used to. In the FFN days people genuinely enjoyed my work. I'd never have had an opportunity to do the 'I won't update until I get 3 reviews' thing because getting that many on a chapter was usually something I'd do overnight. Post before bed. Wake up. Read the reviews before school. I peaked in high school, I guess.

And now I'm just sort of lost. I still have lots of ideas. Ideas for fics fall into my head all the time. That's never been a problem. What I don't have is any motivation to write them. What's the point of writing? If no one else is reading, I guess the point would be so I could go back and read my own story and have fun with it. Write for myself. But I can review the story and have fun with it in my head without writing it down. It's substantially faster and more importantly, isn't incredibly depressing.

So, at the risk of definitely being calld the second-coming of True Art Anon or a troll or validation-seeking or haha mentally ill haha... what's the point of writing?

--

Okay, so write porn in a car while you're bored.

Look, you can whine all you want about my response, but what you've written here is blatantly about depression.

Lots of people in fandom are still interacting. And no, it isn't just on fics that are objectively written to some pro fiction standard or whatever. Teenagers still breathlessly review poorly spelled cracky masterpieces about this year's big anime and so forth.

Yes, there may be reasons why you in particular are in a slump when it comes to fandom friendships or "plz update" comments. We can talk about that. But this ask is all gloom about fandom in general. That's not realism: that's you having a problem.

--

As for why a person should write: because the actual hours you spend doing the writing are fun.

If they aren't pleasurable in some way, find another hobby.

--

But if you want an answer to the age old "Why did my 5 minute fic get 1000000x more asspats", I've seen meta about this for literally decades.

The most likely reason is that the fic we write quickly and without much thought often feels fresher and more fun. The things we labor over endlessly can feel overworked. Even in cases where they don't, they're often heavier subject matter or more niche subject matter. On top of all that, we just care more, so even a high level of feedback doesn't really feel like enough for the effort and care we put in.

--

Do you really need me to tell you why you don't feel the same as in high school when things were fresh and new?

Go read up on combatting burnout or dealing with post-college anxiety or managing stress in a dead-end job in your 30s or finding meaning in your 40s or whatever is going on.

Everyone goes through fallow periods in fandom and in life.

Feeling reinvigorated has to do with internal factors and some general life circumstance stuff. It doesn't have that much to do with number of kudos. That's just the surface trigger for a mood that was already there.

[subtlelovers]

Choso Kamo headcanons

Creator: Yall reblogs, likes, comments and suggestions are GREATLY appreciated!!!! I never knoow who to write these about so I just chose Geto, the nsfw is marked in red mdni

He loves to be babied, considering he always puts up the tough big brother act it's nice to be the one taken care of too.

He will carry your bags for you.

Loves hugging you against his chest, or him hugging your chest.

When going to bed he will practically want to be almost inside of you while cuddling. (not literally though)

With the one above mentioned I totally think his love language is physical touch.

He loves when you two have taken a shower or bath together and afterwards you blow dry his hair while fixing it for him or just in general if you brush his hair after a shower chefs kiss

He loves giving you forehead kisses. Or just kisses in general anywhere on your face, nose, chin, cheeks, lips, jawline so on.

If he sees you talking to someone else that is flirting with you and just obviously wants you, he will shoot them a deadly glare but afterwards he will pout and whine about it like he didn't just scare the person off.

HE LETS YOU DO MAKEUP ON HIM 🙏

It doesen't stop just there, nono. He also lets you paint his nails and do skincare too, because of the babied thing as well as he just enjoys spending that time with you.

While physical touch is his love language I think he definetely is a sucker for quality time. Watching movies, picnic dates, making food together, anything he can do with you that brings a smile to your faces.

It's no suprise he loves his brothers, he always hangs out with them. At least often and if he likes you, which he does. He brings you along.

Whenever you two watch movies he will guess the plot and when you get mad at him for ruining the movie he will hug you and say sorry over and over again untill you forgive him, mostly sarcastically.

He comes off a bit guard dog-ish with the way he hovers over you. When you're in public you bet he has a hand on your lower back kind of steering you as you both walk, in a loving non controlling way

I am sorry but he is the type of guy to pull a push door, vise versa.

He gets annoyed at other people very easily but with you it's like he is immune.

NSFW MDNI

I think fanon Choso is wrong, I fully belive he is top. Maybe he isn't super dominant but I can't imagine him being submissive.

This guy is LOUD in bed, he's not proud of it and I assure you he tries to supress it but can't.

Always talks sweet to you, reassures you and also asks things like "This 0kay?" "You comfortable?"

This guy I feel like really enjoys handjobs idk why but he especially likes taking your hand in his and guiding you to it but eventually he lets go and lets you finish the job iykyk

He always need validation after. "Was it good?"

He is definetely not into the whole "master" or "daddy" thing i think but I feel like he enjoys more subtle or even wholesome names like "Darling" or "Love"

I feel like he would kind of soothe himself in you gently and then get rougher as time went on.

I don't think he manhandles you a lot but it definetely happens every now and then, somehow he would still make it loving and gentle if that's possible.

Again like most jjk men in my opinion he is an eater.

who do I do next? Make sure you check out my Gojo and Geto ones too on my profile!

[lunatic-pudge]

Scout, Pyro, Demo, Medic, Sniper, and Spy Relationship Headcanons

Can you tell which ones are my absolute favorite:')

Scout

• Unsurprisingly, it takes him a long time to get over his infatuation of Ms. Pauling (I'm 110% convinced she's a lesbian), so you must be basically a deity to be catching his attention (though he'd the type to flirt with EVERYONE)

• Golden retriever energy, also youngest child energy. Constantly wants to do everything for you but also needs constant attention. He's also used to be getting picked on by the other mercs and his older brothers so he'll be going to you for validation. But he also doesn't want to appear weak so it'll take some time to break through his (fragile) shell.

• Love language: physical touch and acts of services. Will be constantly trying to act like a macho man for you but will also beg to hold your hand. Cuddles are constant. He may not be good at being a handyman, but my gods he's gonna try his darndest. Plz tell him that he did a good job, he's trying his best.

• He's the best person to go to if you wanna go on randon and unexpected adventures. One minute you're both in Teufort, the next your across country at the beach up east coast. Poor thing gets yelled at a lot for just uping and leaving without notice.

• Local snack dealer. Ma is always making sure that he's got sweets on hand. His room has care packages from her with some of the most wholesome letters from her and the box if FILLED to the brim with sweets, treats, and soda

Pyro

• My little baby boo, a wholesome partner who would kill for you. Can get jealous very easily so you might have to hold them back from committing manslaughter.

• Love language: quality time and gift giving. Time with Pyro is time well spent. Constantly just wants to be in the same room with you. They don't do well when you're not around. Also loves to give gifts. Most of their gifts consit of stuffed animals and handmade drawings. Your room will be filled with gifts from this goofball.

• In my opinion, they're a lot more there than people realize. Some days are better than others though. They were literally CEO of an engeneering company! And I believe they made all their weapons to but I could be wrong on that. Homie is definitely reliable when they're having a good day, but on the bad days, just sit and spend time with them. You don't gotta say anything, just knowing your right there beside them is enough conformation to know you'll always be there no matter what.

• You two are little troublemakers. You'll constantly be up to no good with them. It seems like harmless fun, but you've both almost burnt down the base five times just this month!

Demoman

• Probably one of the best lovers you could have out of all the mercs (aside from Engie, they're competing for the number one spot). I'm deducting points cause of the nonstop alcohol consumpution. :(

• But he is a happy goofy dunk so thank gods for that. Always happy to be here. Very attentive, caring, cuddly, overall a good person to date or even just be friends with.

• Cause the constant alcohol ruined a good portion of his memory (and Medic as well), he writes down every little detail of you that he can in a little journal he secretly keeps on his person. Important dates, likes, dislikes, ect. The man has it on file in case of emergencies.

• Love language: gift giving and act of services. He works three jobs and makes over 5 mil a year, he's LOADED. He's gonna buy you the world if you ask. Definitely good at money managing so he never worried at how much gifts cost. He's also gonna try his darndest to help you out with any problems, though it can be a bit hard when you're constantly drunk. Hims trying his best, okay?

• Wants his mom to approve of you but knows how critical she is of him. Poor baby has some self-esteem issuses cause of her so please give him lots of love and support. It's hard when your mom never has anything nice to say about you and compares you to everyone else. It's a neverending struggle. :(

Medic

• You're definitley into weird and questionable people if you like this man, and that means we're best friends now. :D

• He will ask you to help him out with surgeries and organizing his lab. You're hims little nurse. He'd probably (absolutley) be getting you a nurse outfit with his symbol on it.

• He's very much the possessive type. What's his is HIS, no if, ands, buts, or questions about it. Would put a tracker in you so he knows where you are at all times, but someone would have to talk him out of doing it... for now...

• Constantly talks about you to his birds, if any on them ever have babies, he's naming one after you. Would get you a stuffed dove plushie to cuddle with at night when he can't be there with you

• Love language: physical touch and quality time, you're ALWAYS welcomed in his lab, in fact, he expects you to be there with him. Is the type to ask you to grab something and will graze his hands against yours when grabbing it from you. (then give a shit eating smirk afterwards) He'd also be the type to stand VERY close to you, and stand behind you in an intimidating way to keep others from talking to you.

Sniper

• This man is my all time baby boy so I have LOTS to say about him and how much I love him :')

• Is someone who takes a while to get close to, especially in a romantic way. He's just a shy little boy who's used to being alone. But isn't introverted, just has introverted tendencies (you literally see him hanging out with some of the other mercs in Expiration Date)

• Love language: words of affirmations and physical touch, he sucks at verbally saying how he feels about you but will leave cute little love notes around for you to find. He's also VERY touched-starved so he will just flat out lay on top of you if you let him. Loves hearing you say how much you love him, plz just hold his hands and say how much he means to you, he might just cry from it.

• Is also someone who goes on random adventures, but they're usually just out and away from everyone. But I could see him taking you to a zoo or aquarium to look at the animals. But you're not allowed to go to a Humane Society cause you'll be walking out with all the animals they have and raising them like they're your babies,

Spy

• Another gremlin who takes a long time to warm up to you. He's a grumpy old man who's never really been with someone in such a serious light (aside from Scout's Ma)

• Love language: gift giving and words of affirmation, another merc who would buy you the world if you asked. Will only buy you the best of the best and will throw hands with someone if it's not up to his standards. He could go on about his love for you. His words sound like poetry. You'd wake up with a bouquet of roses and one of the most beautiful love letters anyone has ever read.

• Is 50/50 on PDA, he'll wrap an arm around your waist, call you beautiful, and give you a peck on the cheek in front of others but that's about it. Any extreme PDA is to be in private or you're getting a scolding.

• Would definitely help you learn French. He's way more patient with you than anyone else. You've seen him yell and insult every merc a couple times (Scout getting the brunt of it), but he refuses to ever say anything negative about you

• Definitely the bragging type. He'll put you on a pedestal and go on about how gorgeous you are. How you were crafted by gods, and so on. He thinks he's better than everyone else so if you're with him, than you're right up there with him.

[turtletaubwrites]

Don't Get Lost ~ Part 2

Pairing: Zoro x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,570

This is part 2 of the Series 'We've All Got Needs,' linked below:

We've All Got Needs Masterlist

Ao3 Series Link

Summary: You’re still reeling from the amazing sex you’d had with your crew mate the day before, and the arrangement you’d agreed to. To help each other out. So you join the swordsman as he heads to town to pick up some necessary supplies. Can you keep yourself from getting flustered around him? You give it a try.

Rating/Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, Reader Insert, Fem!Reader, 18+ Only, MDNI, Smut, Rough Sex, Penis in Vagina Sex, Blow Jobs, Face Fucking, Hair Pulling, Choking, Cunnilingus, Swearing, Casual Sex, Praise Kink, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Condoms, Aftercare, Alcohol, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Shameless Smut, Friends with Benefits, Crewmates with Benefits, Zoro's a straight to the point kinda guy, and we love that

A/N: More Zoro smut for you! I swear I'm trying to write short smut with zero plot, but then my lil fingers keep tapping. I've got more plans for these crewmates with benefits, so I hope you enjoy this one!

Last night, Zoro had helped you to your quarters and you’d passed the fuck out. Sanji tapped on your door after dinner to bring you a plate which you’d gratefully devoured. 

I can’t believe that actually happened. 

Every time you remembered Zoro’s hands, his mouth, his everything on you, you had to fight an audible moan, your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

I’m in deep trouble now. 

You’d managed to get ready and make it to breakfast. 

Zoro gave you a subtle wink as he sat down next to you before addressing the group.

“I’m heading to town, gonna pick up a few things.”

“You should have come with us yesterday! We’re leaving in the morning, I don’t want to spend the whole day looking for you when you can’t find your way back.”

You bit back a laugh at Nami’s valid concern.

“I’ll go with him, make sure he won’t get lost,” you caught yourself saying. Your eyes went wide as you worried it was pushing things with Zoro too far. Zoro’s thigh pressed against yours and you hoped your skin flushing with heat wasn’t too noticeable. 

“I’d like to get some air before we leave,” you lied.

Nami crossed her arms at you and muttered, ‘fine,’ before barking orders at Usopp to check the sails after breakfast.

The walk away from the docks toward the town was awkward. You felt embarrassed, like you’d pushed a date onto him when it was supposed to be casual. You wanted to explain, but everything you came up with seemed like it would make it worse. 

“I wouldn’t have gotten lost.”

Zoro’s low declaration made you snort, and you clamped your hand over your mouth. 

He turned to you, an eyebrow raised as if in challenge.

“Got something to say?”

You remembered how flustered he’d made you last night, and you didn’t want to be stuck in that quiet, desperate state every time he was around you. You straightened your spine a bit and responded, staring into his dark, dangerous eyes. 

“You would totally have gotten lost.”

Zoro’s lips twitched before he sucked on his teeth, eyeing you up and down. 

“You’re going to pay for that.”

He kept walking while you had to stop and catch your breath from the chills that tickled up your neck and shoulders at his threat. 

“You comin’?”

You shook your hands at your sides a few times as you sprinted to catch up. 

The condoms he’d promised to buy were easy to find, and your eyes almost popped out of your head at the insane amount he’d purchased. 

“What? We don’t know if the next spot we land will have any. We’ve gotta be ready for anything.”

His smirk didn’t match his casual tone, and you caught yourself unable to speak again. 

You started to head back toward the Going Merry, but Zoro tapped you on the shoulder.”

“You hungry?”

Once again, you were overthinking things. We’re just crewmates. That fuck. We eat together all the time. Just cause we’re eating alone together at a restaurant doesn’t change that. 

Zoro had ordered a few beers for lunch, and you joined him. You knew you couldn’t keep up with him, so you didn’t try at all. Just enjoyed the food and drink, even if it wasn’t as good as Sanji’s. 

You looked around the little pub, and enjoyed people watching. That was one of your favorite things about being a member of the crew. All the places you got to visit, all of the people you got to meet. 

Zoro leaned toward you over the small table, and his long legs shifted until his knees were between yours. You’d been mid sip and almost choked on your beer. You watched his knowing smile deepen as his knees pushed yours outward, spreading your legs under the table. His skin was so hot, even through the fabric between you. 

“Do you want to help me out today, Y/N?”

You bit your lip, trying not to move your body closer to his as you ached for more. 

“I could do that.”

He smiled, downing the rest of his drink. 

“Head to the bathroom. I’ll pay the tab and meet you there.”

Adrenaline pumped through you and you focused on walking nonchalantly instead of running to the bathroom. Luckily there were two, and you picked the nicer one. You raced to the mirror and mussed your hair how you liked it. You didn’t know what to do as you waited, so you sat in the little chair by the door. It felt like it was taking a while, and you chuckled at the thought that he might’ve gotten lost. 

Then he knocked before poking his head in, grinning when he saw you. He closed and locked it behind him, then motioned for you to stand before putting the chair in front of the door. 

You laughed at his overkill, but your laughter died in your throat when he turned to face you. 

“You said you’d help me out, how did you plan to do that?”

He stood close to you, his eyes even darker than normal. 

Your mouth watered, and you smiled before putting your hands on his waist, using them to slide down as you dropped to the floor. 

Zoro’s head fell back with a soft moan as your fingers pulled at his pants. He stepped away for a moment, removing his swords and placing them carefully within reach. Zoro walked back to you, watching as your tongue hung loose in your mouth and you bounced lightly on your calves. 

��Such a dirty little girl, so eager to feel my cock down your throat.”

You whined for him, feeling wetness already dripping between your legs. 

He chuckled as he freed his length from his pants. Your eyes rolled back for a moment, your memory of how long and heavy it was from the night before hitting you again.

You reached for him, wrapping your fingers around him, moaning as you felt him twitch. You licked his tip, looking up at him as you licked up the precum pooling there. His eyes rolled back, and then you hummed at his groans as you took in as much of his length as you could. You pulled back, dragging spit down his shaft so your hands could help you work. 

Zoro’s moans and shakes of pleasure sent chills along your skin, and you smiled with him still in your mouth. 

“Are you ready to help me out now?”

You looked up at Zoro with questioning eyes, only to see mischief in his own. He wrapped his fingers into the hair at the back of your head, you had a second to breathe and decide. You nodded and moaned your yes, and then choked as he shoved his cock down your throat. 

He pulled back to give you time to breathe, then tightened his grip on your hair more and continued his brutal thrusts. 

You held on for dear life, never having done this so intensely before. Tears and spit poured down your face, and you might have stopped it. Except Zoro’s grunts of pleasure and praise made your body clench in need, and you didn’t want to stop. You wanted to help him out, know that he was going to make you fucking weak with pleasure whenever you wanted him to. 

“That’s right, fuuck. Your throat feels so fucking good. I’m close, Y/N. Be a good girl, and swallow it all for me.”

You managed to moan under him, grasping at his thighs to steady yourself. You met his eyes, and seeing the feral heat the moment he went had you reeling. You did your best to relax, feeling his cock pulsing as hot cum poured down your throat. It was intoxicating, feeling his pleasure running through your body. Knowing he’d used you, taken you, and that your body had given him what he needed. 

Zoro pulled out slowly, and you swallowed, licking at him as he pulled away. He knelt in front of you and you gasped as he gripped your chin, sticking his finger in your mouth. 

“Show me,” he demanded in a near growl. You opened wide, sticking your tongue out as you whimpered and ached for him.

His satisfied smirk made you shiver as he kissed your lips softly. He pulled back, and you were breathless as he pulled you into the air. 

“Looks like you’ve earned dessert.”

Your eyes rolled back as Zoro pushed you against the wall. He tore you out of your pants and gave a low chuckle at the sight of your drenched panties. He shoved his fingers into your folds, and you bit your lip to keep from crying out. 

“Fuck, you’re so fucking wet, Y/N. You loved sucking my cock that much?”

“Mm, yes, Zoro. I loved your cock down my throat.”

He groaned. “Damn, you’re so fucking needy. I might need to fuck you again right here if you don’t stop your begging.”

You cried out, almost losing balance. His face was by yours, one hand pressing your shoulder into the wall, while his other hand fucked your dripping cunt. His fingers went so deep, curling and torturing that sweet spot inside you, while the heel of his palm rubbed along your clit with each push. He shifted his other hand to your neck, and started choking you lightly as he whispered in your ear. The feeling of his fingers around your throat getting tighter almost had you coming right then.

“Is that what you want, Y/N? You want me to fuck you against the wall? You’re that fucking desperate, aren’t you?”

“Fuck you, Zoro,” you breathed out, trying to gain some footing with this intense man.

He laughed as his fingers brought you closer and closer. 

“Well, is it true?”

You groaned, body betraying you, and you had to give in to his smug look. I’m so fucked.

“Yes, Zoro, please fuck me right here.”

He gave you a shit eating grin, and you whined as his fingers left you, leaving you just on the brink.

He chuckled at your panic as he dug in his pockets.

“Finger yourself, needy girl.”

You brought your fingers to your clit, wanting his long, powerful fingers back where they belonged. But your mouth fell open with need as you watched Zoro put the condom on. He smirked at you while he forced it down his length. 

“You really do want this cock that much.”

It wasn’t a question, but you nodded anyway.

“I want that pretty pussy of yours too, baby.”

Your eyes rolled back, and you heard Zoro hit the ground. By the time you’d opened your eyes, Zoro was on his knees, pushing your hand aside, and kissing your clit, then licking, sucking, and biting just as he plunged his fingers back in to attack your g spot. 

You chewed on your wrist, panting and drooling as you tried not to scream. 

His movements were so rough, but it just built your pleasure faster until you came on his face. His low chuckle rumbled through you as he licked you up, and it sent more pleasure and twitching through your body.

“Your pussy tastes so good, Y/N. I’m going to fucking ruin it.”

You moaned, then bit back a scream as he flipped you around, shoving your face into the wall. Your cunt was still throbbing from the orgasm he’d just given you, and he stuck his fingers in your mouth to muffle your screams as he shoved his cock into you. 

It was too fucking much, so much as he slammed harder and harder. With one hand gripped on your waist, he fucked you into the wall, it felt like he’d fuck you out to the other side. Tears streamed down your face as you choked on his fingers, about to tap out until you felt yourself there again. 

“Fuck yes, come on my cock. Show me how much you love it, dirty girl.”

Zoro’s own voice was strained, and you felt his punishing thrusts starting to stutter. You were so close again, the pain and pleasure taking you over. Zoro leaned toward you, growling against your skin.

“You want my cock again, you’d better come right the fuck now.”

His threat tickled along your ear, and it sent you over the edge. You felt your pussy milking him so hard, and his groans of pleasure as he came kept yours going. You thought you were going to shake out of your own skin with how intense the climax felt. He stayed in you, removing his fingers from your mouth as you both came down. Little twitches kept moving through both of you. He groaned as your body clenched around him again, then his cock twitched inside you, and you both laughed at the cycle. 

Finally, he pulled out, and helped you sit in the little chair. What a perfect little bathroom to fuck in. 

You giggled at your thought and he tilted his head at you while he removed the full condom. Your mouth fell open at the sight and he shook his head at you. 

“You really are something, Y/N.”

You managed to smile at him, still not able to move much else. 

“What am I?”

Zoro wet some towels and came toward you, kneeling before the chair as he started to clean you up gently. 

“Fucking needy, for one thing.”

You stuck your tongue out at his smug face.

“That’s alright though. Now I can take care of that for you.”

Your eyes fluttered closed at the promise of more of that. 

You had no fucking idea what time it was, as Zoro helped you walk through the pub. 

“Sorry everyone, this little girl couldn’t handle her beer.”

You wanted to punch him as your cheeks flushed red, but it sure looked like it with how he still had to help you walk. 

You finally managed to walk on your own, noticing it looked much later than you expected when you got outside.

“You’re gonna pay for that,” you muttered.

“Oh, what are you gonna do to me?”

Zoro’s teasing face looked very punchable, but you knew that would be an impossible task. 

You smirked back at him, and teased before trying to run for the ship. 

“Next time I’ll just leave you somewhere, and you’ll get so lost you won’t be able to find another needy girl to fuck.”

Laughing, you almost tripped over your feet while sprinting. The ship was almost in sight, but Zoro’s strong hand caught your wrist, making you yelp. 

“That’s not gonna happen. I won’t get lost. I’m not done with you yet.”

Zoro gripped your hair and made you face him, then traced his fingers on your lips, drawing your lower lip down until it pulled back into place.

You whispered his name, heart racing at his intensity. His eyes seemed to refocus and he dropped his grip. 

“Let’s get back to the ship. We need to scope the place out to find the best spots. We’ve got a lot of condoms to go through.”

You choked with laughter, then followed Zoro back to the ship. You hoped the rest of the crew wouldn’t notice a change. 

And you hoped the swordsman would stay and keep his promise. Don’t get lost. 

Thank You For Reading! 💜

TurtleTaub Fanfic Masterlist

Part 3: Does That Work For You, Needy?

Buy me a coffee ☕🙏🏼

[kywaslost]

Hiya! I read your platonic shinsou fanfic and I was wondering if you could write a fanfic where y/n (fem please) is a pre-teen and gets adopted into the erasermic family but she has a fear of men, and she struggles to do things because she's worried she would look bad/they might do something. Thank you if you do xxx

You’re Safe Here - Shinsou Hitoshi

A/N: Now that I’ve written this entire thing, I’ve realized my dyslexic self read your request as mainly Shinsou. I feel stupid. I’m so sorry lol. If you’d like me to rewrite this I will. I was going to but I really like how this turned out. Please forgive me <3 I also used the prompts below that I found because I thought they’d fit the request.

Prompt/s Used: Lighting whumpee’s favorite candles, or listening to their favorite music, to tell whumpee that the space is theirs and that it will always be safe. / You don’t have to tell me. But if you do decide you want to. I’ll be here. / You don’t feel safe here, do you? 

After being tossed between foster homes for so long, you should be ecstatic to finally be adopted, right? Except you weren’t. You were petrified, to be honest. Usually, you’d meet your supposed new adoptive family and spend time with them while papers and forms were filed and signed, or at least that’s what you’d heard from other foster children throughout the years. But for some reason you were told to back your bags one day to meet your new family. And to top it all off, you were being adopted into a house consisting of only men.

It was a childish fear, to be afraid of almost every male on the planet, but it’s not like you can help it. Men from your past weren’t kind to you, resulting in an aversion to guys of almost every age. You avoided them when you could, fearing they would criticize you, or worse, use you. Being a young female in today’s society isn’t always easy, and you thought it would be safer to just avoid men as best you could.

You met your new fathers first. They were the ones to pick you up from the park where they agreed to meet you with your social worker. They seemed nice enough, but you couldn’t help but hide behind your social worker as they approached you.

“Excuse her,” your social worker smiled. “She’s a bit weary around men.”

“That’s alright!” The one with blonde hair smiled widely. “We understand!” The man was practically vibrating with excitement. So much so the man behind him had to place a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down, Hizashi. You are going to overwhelm her.”

You shot the black haired one a grateful look, thankful for his calmness. You were overwhelmed with anxiety and fear, and you couldn’t help but fear the blonde.

“I’m Shouta. Shouta Aizawa,” the second man said, crouching down a few feet in front of you.

“And I’m Hizashi Yamada!” The blonde smiled brightly, standing beside Aizawa.

Shouta slowly extended a hand out towards you, offering a small smile. “I understand that this is very overwhelming for you. A lot of new changes and new scenery, and I understand you are a bit afraid. How you feel is valid, I promise you. We will be here every step of the way to help you through it.”

You looked between the two men, then to your social worker. She just smiled and nodded encouragingly. Taking a deep breath, you slowly reached out and took Aizawa’s hand. That’s when your social worker patted your shoulder, then voiced that she’d be taking her leave now that you were in the hands of your new caretakers. Your breathing hitched as you watched her leave, panic slowly taking over your body. You jerked your hand back from Aizawa, pulling it to your chest without any thought, too caught up in trying to suppress an oncoming anxiety attack. 

“That’s alright, you don’t have to touch me yet. That’s ok, take your time,” Aizawa said calmly. Both him and Hizashi started to notice your growing panic, glancing quickly at each other before Aizawa stood. 

“Hey, why don’t we sit, yeah?” Hizashi offered, worry clear in his eyes. You nodded sharply, slowly following Hizashi over to a bench. He let you sit down before asking, “Can I sit over here?” He motioned to the other end of the bench and you nodded. You pulled your knees up to your chest, closing your eyes to concentrate on your breathing. 

Eventually you evened out your breathing and calmed your nerves ever so slightly. Uncurling yourself, you stood as you took in one last deep breath. Aizawa was sitting in front of you again, watching you closely. So was Hizashi.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “I’m ok now.” 

The two men also stood. “Don’t apologize,” Aizawa said softly. “Take as much time as you need. We can sit here longer if you’d like?” You shook your head.

“You’re sure?” Hizashi asked and you nodded in response.

“Let’s get you home then.” 

You followed them to their car, freezing as Hizashi opened the door for you. You began to shake slightly again. Getting into the car encloses you with two men whom you barely knew. Needless to say, you were uncomfortable.

“Would you feel more comfortable if we walked?” Aizawa offered from the driver’s side of the car. “We aren’t too terribly far, it shouldn’t take too long. Would you feel safer if we walked?”

After thinking about it, you mumbled a quiet, “Can we?”

Hizashi responded, “Of course!” He turned to his husband. “I can come get the car later after patrol.”

You met their son later that night once dinner was served. It took a while to get used to the thought that you had a family now, and you spent several hours on the couch in the living room trying to grasp the fact that you were now living with three men. It calms your nerves to know that Aizawa and Hizashi were pro-heros, and their son was a hero-in-training, but that didn’t mean you were still on edge. You knew very little about your new family, and until then you would hypothetically sleep with one eye open.

Shinsou seemed nice enough, and he even watched whatever you wanted while your new fathers got ready for patrol. You assured them that you would be alright staying behind with Shinsou, and they apologized profusely for not being able to get out of work for the night. 

Once they had left, it was just you and Shinsou sitting in the living room. You were curled up on one end of the couch, and he was at the other end, giving you your space. You couldn’t help but watch him out of the corner of your eye, afraid he may make a move when you weren’t looking. The purple-haired boy noticed your staring, then turned his gaze from the tv to you.

“You don’t feel safe here, do you?” He asked. His question caught you off guard, and you didn’t answer. “Dad and Pa told me that you may be on edge for a while, that you had an aversion to males. I can only assume it has to do with childhood trauma? You don’t have to tell me. But if you do decide you want to. I’ll be here. I’m a good listener, and I don’t know, I always find it easier to talk to people closer to my age. And if there’s anything I can do to help this transition be smoother for you, please tell me.”

Tears brimmed your eyes as you looked away, nodding. “I think I’m going to go take a shower,” you said as you stood, hugging yourself tightly.

Shinsou nodded, eyes softening. “Ok. Do you remember where the bathroom is?” He helped you find everything you needed, even offering you a pair of his sweatpants and an old shirt to change into.

You took your time in the shower, even taking a moment to sit and cry. It had been a long and tiring day. You were so excited to have a permanent home, but still nervous given the situation. Once you had composed yourself, you stepped out of the shower and got dressed.

The house was silent as you stepped out of the bathroom, just as it was before. You could hear the TV in the living room where you assumed Shinsou still sat on the couch. Except when you entered the hallway, you could hear music coming from further down the hall. You made your way to your new room, not thinking much of it. Shinsou’s room was across the hall, so it could have been him.

You pushed your door open, standing still in the doorway when you took in the room. Your stuff was still sitting on the end of your bed, except now there was a lit candle on your night stand. And the music was coming from your room. A laptop sat open on the small desk in your room, spotify open and playing your favorite music artist. 

“I hope you don’t mind,” Hitoshi said behind you. You turned around to see him standing in the hallway. “Dad and Pa had a list of things you like, so I looked at it.” He smiled softly, putting his hands in his pockets. “I-I wanted you to know that this is your space. You’re safe here. So,” he chuckled, “the candle is, uh, it’s (fav. scent). And I made that playlist while you were in the shower.”

Your eyes welled with tears again. You couldn’t believe how thoughtful Hitoshi was.

“I’m adopted, too, and it was difficult for me at first. And dad did something similar for me. It helped me so I thought it’d help you.”

Shinsou froze as you dove into him, hugging him tightly. He snapped out of it quickly, though, and hugged you back just as tight.

“Thank you,” you cried into his shirt. “Thank you, Hitoshi.”

He smiled, so proud of you hugging him despite your fear. “Of course. Anything for my new sister.”

[tomblythismyhusband]

sweetest con [ billy the kid x fem!reader]

[summary]: billy the kid x fem!reader | you and Billy enjoy a quiet morning before he has to leave town.

[warnings]: just fluff :), mentions of violence (murder)

[wc]: 1860

[authors note]: this was so cutesy to write. i love soft billy. i feel like it kinda got a tinsy bit sad at the end, was thinking of doing a part 2 but idk!!! lmk!

The sun fell in warm beams through the curtains of your bedroom. The warmth enveloped your body, making yourself smile. Your eyes cracked open and your heart fluttered at the sight of Billy, still lying next to you, soundly asleep. His face looked peaceful, his hair a perfect mess.

You laid there for a moment watching him, debating whether or not to wake him. You felt a sense of pride that you were the one to see him sleeping and in such a vulnerable position like this.

When the name “Billy the Kid” was usually mentioned, fear swept through the minds of those who heard it. He was a wanted man, a murderer. He was said to be cold blooded and ruthless. It was valid for anyone to be wary but you knew the real him.

Instead of terror your body was always filled with love whenever you heard his name. You always had to be careful how much you felt these emotions when out on the town. It would be very suspicious if you were all smiley when someone mentioned him. No one knew it, but he was yours and only yours.

You shifted your body to lay on your side, staring at Billy’s sleeping face which was now illuminated by the sunlight. You could see the dots of faint freckles on his nose, the perfect shape of his soft lips, and the hint of blush in his cheeks.

He looked like art. Art that you could never get tired of.

You took a hand and gently ran it over his cheek. His skin was warm and comforting. You brushed some of his messy brown curls off his forehead as he stirred a bit.

His blue eyes fluttered open and a small, groggy smile pulled at his lips.

“Mornin’ beautiful.” He mumbled, the smile still on his face. You always liked him in the morning. He was always softer, more down to earth.

You leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his nose. He let out a deep hum in response.

“Morning to you too.” You whispered, your face still close to his. Billy let out a sigh, staring up at you. The sunlight seemed to make his eyes glow an even brighter blue.

“You always look so gorgeous in the morning, darlin’” He said softly, running his finger gently through your hair. The feeling of his fingers brushing their way through your locks made your head feel like it was buzzing. You leaned down to plant another kiss on his nose, overcome with happiness.

“I like it when you play with my hair.” You sighed once you pulled back. “It feels nice.” This earned you a smile in return from him.

“Well I like being this close to you.” He said in a low voice.

His eyes studied your face, taking in every perfect.

“I would never leave this bed, and stay here with you forever if I could.” He whispered, moving his hand up to trace your lips with his rough fingers.

You pursed your lips, kissing his thumb as it gently ran across your mouth. He moved his thumb off your lips and you spoke.

“We don’t get to spend time like this together often… its rarity makes it more special don’t you think?” You said softly.

Billy let out a small chuckle. “You’re right…. But in all honesty I could do the same thing everyday with you and it would still be special, y/n.”

You felt your cheeks warm at this and leaned in for a kiss on his lips. Unlike your usual kisses with Billy, this one was soft, slow, and gentle. The usual roughness and need for dominance had melted away.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as you slid closer to him, not breaking the kiss. When you finally pulled back he wrapped his strong arms around your body and held you tightly, as you placed your head on his chest. You felt butterflies in your stomach as you laid there. Billy gently ran his fingers over your hips, tracing every delicate curve with love.

“Do you know what time it is?” He mumbled into your hair after long moments of silence. You shook your head letting out a sigh. You dreaded this question, but you knew it was coming.

“Do you really have to go Billy? Can’t you stay a bit longer?” You whispered, a hint of sadness in your voice.

Billy kissed the top of your head softly, letting his lips linger for a moment. “You know why I can’t stay darlin’. It’s too dangerous for me right now.” He said in a low voice.

As much as you hated it, you knew he was right. He was on the run. In sweet moments like these you always forgot that he was a wanted man. An outlaw. In a perfect world he would be safe from the law, but the world wasn’t perfect.

You tilted your head up to gaze up at him. “Please don’t go away for too long this time ok?” You said quietly.

Billy gave you a sad smile. He wanted to comfort you, tell you he would be back soon, but he also knew he shouldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep.

“I’ll try my hardest darlin’…..” He paused for a moment, lips parted. Finally he spoke again. “But I can’t make you any promises…”

You let out a huff in reply, squeezing him closer to you. He combed his fingers through your hair in a comforting way.

“Darlin’ the worst case scenario would be me gettin’ caught, because I’m sure as hell not coming back if I’m hung.” He said in a serious tone.

You squeezed him a little tighter. “I know…..” You said sadly. “Your constant runnin’ just really is the sweetest con.”

A small laugh puffed past his lips. “And why’s that?”

You gazed up at him. “I don’t like how you always have to leave… but at least I know I still have you, at least you’re still mine.”

Billy leaned down and kissed you softly on the lips again. You wished that you could lie like this with him forever.

He then shifted his body, almost like he was signaling to you that he had to get ready to go. You released your grip reluctantly and watched him sit up. You stayed laying down, your head in the soft pillows as you watched him stretch up his arms and let out a soft grunt. You liked the view of his broad shoulders, and bare chest in the morning sun. All these little things about him made it even harder to watch him go.

You watched him as he turned his head towards you. “Now don’t get all pouty on me darlin’” He teased, brushing his fingers on your arm.

You let out a breathy laugh and pulled yourself up from the pillows so you were sitting next to him. Your messy hair and rumpled clothes made Billy admire how effortlessly beautiful you were. He took his hand and ran it across your collarbone while staring deeply into your eyes.

“Every second I’m gone I’ll be thinking of you.” He whispered.

My cheeks grew warm, as a smile spread across my face.

“I love you Billy.” You said softly. A look of excitement flashed across Billy’s face, before it turned loving. He had never really had someone who he had truly loved. All the women he had been with were always temporary. They were only interested in late night meetups, and casual flings. It was comforting to have you and to know that this wasn’t temporary, this wasn’t a fling, this was real.

He leaned in to kiss you on the forehead with a smile. “I love you too angel.” He said quietly. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

He gave you one final kiss on your lips before pulling back the covers of the sheets to climb out of bed. He was still groggy, his movements a little sluggish. You flopped back down on the pillow watching him with admiration.

You watched as he roamed around the room collecting his things. You noticed how his back flexed as he pulled on his shirt.

“Darlin’ don’t you know it’s rude to stare?” He teased when he noticed your eyes roaming his body.

You giggled and sat up in bed, pulling the covers off of yourself. “I can’t help it. You know I have a thing for rugged outlaws.” Billy let out a chuckle at your teases.

You got up handing him things like his socks and his suspenders. You sat down at your vanity and brushed out your hair. He was almost dressed when suddenly he frowned.

“Y/n where are my boots?” He said, searching around the room. His eyebrows were furrowed.

You looked at him through the mirror and smiled. “If I tell you then you are able to leave.” You pouted. Billy came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. He placed his head in the crook of your neck and stared into your eyes through the mirror.

“Darlin…….” He sighed. It pained him to see you so desperate for him to stay.

“Fine…” You breathed, leaning your head against his affectionately. “Your boots are beneath my bed.”

Billy let out a small chuckle. He placed a kiss on your cheek. “Thank you.” He said softly as he pulled away to grab his boots. You watched as he bent down and spotted the pair near the front end of the bed. He sat down and yanked them on.

You knew that it was time to say goodbye once the boots came on. It was almost routine now.

You stood up as he slung his gun over his waist and placed his hat on his head. You walked over to stand in front of him, his tall body towering over you.

“Be safe ok?” You whispered, grabbing one of his hands.

“I will be. Don’t worry.” Billy said softly. His voice had a tinge of sadness to it. It made you feel better knowing that you weren’t the only one saddened to have to be apart.

His hand squeezed yours in a comforting way. You tried to soak in every aspect of him because you knew the moment he left the loneliness would creep in.

You leaned up to kiss him. You savored the kiss. You memorized the shape of his mouth, the softness of his touch, the warmth of his breath. You didn’t know when he would be back, it could be days, weeks, maybe even months.

You pushed down the looming fear that this could be the last time. The world was a dangerous place for him. The slight chance that the next time you’d see him would be at his grave scared you.

Billy could sense the tenseness and anxiety in your body. He cupped your face gently.

“Y/n, I’ll be fine. Please trust me.” You could see the sincerity in his eyes, and nodded.

“Goodbye Billy.” You whispered.

“Goodbye darlin’. I love you.”

And with that he was gone. To your disappointment he seemed to have left quickly. A part of you pursued that he would come running back, but he never did. You couldn’t help but relish in the feeling of sadness that had crept into your heart.

He came and he went. And you couldn’t help but wish that his boots were still neatly tucked beneath your bed.

[minnie-cai]

i saw your art x physical therapist and tashi x makeup artist post and i know you’ll understand what im about to say: being a trainer/ makeup artist/ something along those lines and hooking up w two of your clients. is it a little unethical?? maybe, but you’re a grown up, and you can do what you want! and you really like both of them and they bring very different things to the table. but at the donaldson x duncan home, both art and tashi are having affairs and trying to keep it a secret from the other person and failing pretty hard. little do they know, they’re hooking up w the same person: you. and maybe, just maybe, they’re falling for you a bit. thoughts? feelings?

holy fucking shit i was smiling and nodding while reading this. yeah. yeah, you GET IT💜 i’m so writing something full-length about this about this but until then, have some thoughts.

not proofread, just shitposting. also, not a hairdresser. i can’t even braid hair. if you are one and throughout my thoughts on this scenario i fuck up, please correct me.

I think with Tashi it would be pretty quick with the physical aspect and emotional connection would come into play later.

She starts connecting to you when she realizes you’ve done something small for her that she doesn’t pay you for. Don’t get her wrong, she knows Art loves her and he’d bend over backwards for her approval and validation but he is too caught up in how miserable their routine is to keep noticing details about her. Art is her husband who had been pining over her for years but you know her coffee order and it’s on your table by your next appointment, casually waiting for her to take it, not making a big deal out of it. She tilts her head a bit and furrows her eyebrows, thinking of whether or not she’d asked her assistant for coffee but soon enough you emerge from your break with a small smile, untangling the cable of your flat iron.

“Morning, Mrs Duncan!” You beam and she gives you a small nod, clearly caught up in sizing the plastic cup because she feels like she’s gone insane. “I hope it’s not wrong.” You chime in on her thoughts, as if reading her mind. “You ordered this?” She asks pointing to the drink and raises her eyebrows when you nod, an almost repressed but impressed expression on her face. “Well, thanks.” She mumbles taking a sip and her spot on the chair, sitting in the same place she did every time.

She wouldn’t admit it but she feels a bit bad when people take her stand-offish attitude personally. She doesn’t like it when they change their personality to be quieter or less sociable around her just because she wasn’t very talkative or was particularly professional, she felt like they had no backbone, that they were fragile to be affected by whether she approves of their behaviour or not. She enjoys the fact that you don’t. You’re still sweet as sugar and by that point you’ve just figured her out. In contrast to Art, she likes to spend her appointments quiet as you pamper her and hum. It gives her time to think peacefully, even with your humming.

On the other hand, Art sees you as a break from life.

When he comes in and he sits in that chair in front of you and starts talking about something random like the music you have on, his brain is empty. It’s like for the first time in so long he doesn’t have to think about anything else. The next time he’s doing his warm up before training, he’s listening to the songs you recommended to him instead of the brown noise his trainer has said he should listen to in order to focus and it feels good to add a little something of you in his day, it feels like color in his sad, beige gym and boring green juice.

[n3ptoonz]

hellooo it's okay if you choose not to write this!! but like im going thru it rn & was thinking how would the mk men be with someone who thrives off of being validated? i'm thinking raiden, kung lao, smoke, but anyone else you want too! kinda like some fluffy pick me up content :(

ofc i can do this, seems easy enough and i hope you're doing alright anon <3 if not at the moment, this feeling won't last forever!

mk1 hcs: how raiden, kung lao, smoke, and rain give praise/validation to their s/o

no warnings just fluff, more bullet points than usual since i'm doing four characters (and writing for them har har har) i use praise and validation interchangeably here if that's okay

hope this is good!

Raiden

raiden is almost always giving you praise and validation for just about anything

your skill, how well you cook, if you don't cook how well you help him out, to even how well your cleaning is

a swift "wow, you're amazing" "do i tell you i love you enough?" "how did you do that? impressive!" are in order whenever he deems fit (literally all the time)

don't let him find out you're down about something, because you're not leaving this house until he sees that smile

he holds you close more often and whispers cute things to you. some jokes, some things are more personal/targeted comments of validation

"you do know that i love you, right?" "you're the best thing to happen to me." "whatever has you down, we're in this together."

don't be surprised when you wake up one day and there's baskets full of freshly picked fruit on the dining table too. he hates to see you frown, so he does everything in his power to hear your laughter again

Kung Lao

as much as he loves receiving validation and being told he's the best at any given moment, he loves giving it too

for him it's usually on occasions where he really means every single word he's saying. like if you were to finally get a move you've been trying for like a week, he's your number one cheerleader

"i saw that out there, you're doing so well!" "shit, where'd you learn that from?! teach me!" "i am so proud of you"

if you're down, he's dropping everything to be by your side, if he can. whatever plagues your mind is an enemy of his now

he holds your hand(s) and is surprisingly very patient with you. well, is it really surprising when he professes his love for you every chance he gets?

"i'm here for you, love" "whenever you're ready, i'm always listening" "do i need to beat anybody's ass? just say the word."

he would also bring fruit (yes, he stole raiden's idea) and offer to train with you more for comfort or to tease you to take your mind off things (code word for endless flirting)

Smoke

when it comes to tomas, contrary to the popular belief of him being a smug thug that beats up old ladies, he's from shy boy city. population: him

on both ends he doesn't know how to react/isn't that good at giving praise. he'll either stumble over his words or do something else to show you he cares. it's really only when it comes to you cause he has to be confident around everybody else

he'll give an enthusiastic thumbs up from across the room, walk past you and whisper "great job!", or wait until it's just you two in the room so he can pepper your face with kisses (i need him so bad)

but hold up...you're feeling down? nah, that simply won't do. his shyness is gone and he's a little too ready to bring someone's head as a treasure if someone hurt you

"are you alright? i've got your back." "i would do anything for you" "i love you so much, don't forget that."

he would try his best efforts to spend more time with you and do more things around the house. hell, if he really had it his way you would never lift a finger ever again

Rain

rain is a man of few words. the way he operates is he doesn't really feel the need to keep saying the same thing over and over again, but that changed with you

now it wasn't a huge change, but he definitely had no opposition to letting you know when he noticed you, and he knows you'd do the same if not more

"i like what you did there, keep it up" "how did i get so lucky?" "you make me great at what i do"

he finds out you don't feel too hot? prepare to know what royalty feels like, because that's how he's going to treat you. technically you have a walking water-cooler at all times, so now you're definitely never doing anything yourself again

"i've got it taken care of, don't you worry about a thing" "your wish is my command." "if someone did something to you, they will regret it. i promise."

behind that calm and cool demeanor he was lowkey freaking out because he doesn't like seeing you down. he'd offer to make all types of natural medicines or potions, and when you tell him you just need him around, he's fine with putting work off until you feel better

a/n: i found out a few weeks ago charles from rdr and rain mk1 share the same va. i KNEW he sounded familiar mm mm mm

[sequinsmile-x]

I’d be so so keen to read something about Em coming out as bisexual to Aaron (aware you’ve had an ask for this I just want to stress the interest 🫶🏼)

It’s something I struggle with myself and the validation of being bisexual is something that’s very real. It would be lovely to read something like this as something that seems realistic for Em. The way you write is so beautiful and intricate and I know you’d do a wonderful job.

For anyone else reading this - you are valid whoever you are and whoever you choose to love <3

Happy Fridayyyyy!!!

Hi bestie <3

I've been asked to do this a few times, and as a bi girl myself it is very close to my heart. I wanted to make sure I did it justice so waited until it felt right and now really does feel like the time. It is also coming to the end of Bi Visibility week, so here we are!

This feels oddly personal, almost like I'm putting out some pages of a diary out there for people to read, so I hope this is as cathartic to read for those who wanted it as it was to write.

As always, let me know what you think, I'm nervous about this one because it feels important!

-x-

The Past is Never Far

She’d told herself for years that she’d never mention it. It was, after all, not the biggest secret she had kept.

Emily and Aaron walk into an ex of hers when they are out on a date, and it prompts her to tell him something she's not told him before.

Warnings: Coming out (mentions of past bad experiences doing so)

Words: 3.2k

Read over on Ao3, or the below the cut

Emily hums contentedly as she squeezes Aaron’s hand, her eyes catching his as she looks up at him and smiles, “This is nice.” 

He smiles back, relaxed and content and handsome in the fading light as he lifts her hand to kiss her knuckles, “It is,” he replies, kissing her knuckles again before he tucks their joint hands into his coat pocket to protect them from the chill in the air, “We’re near that ice cream place you like, we could get some on the way back to the car?” 

Date night was something they’d established early on in their relationship. They had so little time just the two of them so it was important to them both to have this one night every month where they could have just that. Jack would spend the night at Jessica’s, often pouting that he wanted to come with them too, something Emily and Aaron would salve with love and assurances they’d all have breakfast together the next day, and the two of them would go to one of their favourite restaurants. The nice weather was fading, summer disappearing into Autumn. It was Emily’s favourite time of year. Not because her birthday was coming up, or because Jack and Aaron’s were too, but because of the cool air and the sun on her face. The ever-present reminder in the wind about the beauty of change as the colour of the leaves started to fade to orange and gold. 

Aaron knew she loved this time of year, so he’d been easily convinced to go on a walk with her around the block before they returned to his car and back to their apartment. She’d moved in with him and Jack recently, the apartment that was once just theirs hers now too, and they were looking for a house. A place they could buy and call home, something they both wanted so desperately and had been denied for so long. 

She smiles, leaning in so her shoulder bumps against his, “It’s too cold for ice cream.” 

Aaron chuckles and kisses her temple. He stops them on the street, the hand not linked through hers on her hip as he guides her backwards so they don’t block the sidewalk. He leans in to kiss her, “You’re the one who told me it’s never too cold for ice cream,” he replies, leaning in to kiss her, stamping his lips against hers once more before he removes his hand from her hip and digs through his other pocket, smiling in victory as he pulls out a pair of her gloves, “Plus, I came prepared. Your hands won’t get cold and you can still have Rocky Road - the best of both worlds.” 

She beams at him and cups his cheek, pulling him in for a kiss before she rests her forehead against his, “I love you.” 

“Love you too, sweetheart,” he says, kissing the corner of her mouth before he pulls back and they continue walking down the street, content and happy in each other's company. 

He buys them ice cream once they make it to the store, a double scoop of Rocky Road for her in a cone and one scoop of coffee in a tub for him. He chuckles at her as a drip of ice cream falls onto her gloves and she narrows her eyes at him, making a point of maintaining eye contact as she licks the remnants of it from the ridge of the cone, her smile wide as she watches him swallow thickly. She’s about to say something, to add to the teasing, when she hears a familiar voice behind her, one she hadn’t heard in years. 

“Emily Prentiss?” 

Her eyes go wide as she turns around, uncharacteristically caught out as she clears her throat, scrambling for something to say as she comes face to face with a piece of her past she hadn’t expected to see again, “Cat.” 

Cat chuckles as she steps forward, pulling a still shell-shocked Emily into a hug, “I thought it was you, Em,” she says, squeezing her before she steps back, “It’s been a long time. 15 years maybe?” 

“Closer to 20,” Emily laughs, the shake to it grabbing Aaron’s attention as he watches the interaction between the two women. Emily looks at him and curses herself internally for getting so flustered, “Aaron, this is Catherine Thomas, Cat, we…” she swallows thickly, her lips pressed together to keep the whole truth back, “We go way back,” she smiles as she turns to Cat, sees a spark in her eyes she hadn’t thought about in years, “Cat, this is Aaron. My boyfriend.” 

Cat smiles and holds her hand out for Aaron and he shakes it, “Lovely to meet you, Aaron.” 

“You too,” he replies, looking back and forth between the two women, curious at his girlfriend’s reaction, at the way her shoulders are slightly tight as she watches them interact. 

“Anyway,” Cat says, looking back at Emily, “My wife is just getting some ice cream. I can’t believe you still come here after all these years.” 

Emily nods, “Best ice cream in the city.” 

Cat looks up at Aaron, “Emily introduced me to this place when we first met,” she says, smiling fondly at a memory that was just theirs, “And I bring my wife and kids here now too.” 

Aaron smiles, “My son loves it here too.” 

“Cat?” 

They all turn at the sound of another woman’s voice to see her standing there with two pre-teens, both of them looking relatively irritated at being forced to spend the evening out with their parents, her expression curious as she looks at her wife. Cat nods and indicates she’ll be over in a minute before she turns back to Emily and Aaron.

“Well,” she says, “I’ve been summoned. It was good to see you, Emily. You seem well,” she hugs her again, something Emily returns, careful not to drip ice cream on her back.

“Nice to see you too, Cat,” she says, smiling as she pulls back, her gaze falling on her family behind them, “Your family is beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” Cat beams before she looks at Aaron, “Nice to meet you, Aaron.”

“Nice to meet you too,” he replies. They watch as Cat walks back to her family, gratefully taking her ice cream from her wife as she makes it to her side, saying something they can’t hear, “She seems nice.” 

“Yeah,” Emily says, feeling out of sorts from the flashback to a past life, something from so long ago it felt like it had happened to someone else. A part of her she kept secret, even from Aaron, “She is.” 

“Shall we go home?” He offers, his gaze on her as she smiles at him, a tenseness to it that she doesn’t hide well as her eyes meet his. She nods, shaking her head to rid herself of the feeling that had settled over her the last few minutes. The strange mix of nostalgia for her past when she was young and unburdened by responsibility and everything to come, and happiness for someone she’d once loved, all whilst she stood next to the person she knew was the love of her life, the man she’d spend the rest of her life with. 

“Yeah,” she says, smiling as she presses her lips together, her focus back on her ice cream as she eats some more, “Let’s go home.” 

___

She thinks about it for a couple of days.

She’d told herself for years that she’d never mention it, her relationship with Cat and the other women she’d dated over the years, because it wasn’t relevant. Since she’d come back to DC, still on uneven ground after being Lauren Reynolds and being with Ian, she’d only dated men. It wasn’t a purposeful act, not something she’d particularly tried to do, but it had happened. So it meant telling her friends, her new family, seem unimportant. 

It was, after all, not the biggest secret she was keeping from them.

She’d never even told her mother. Sure that, at best, her reaction would be to tell her it was ‘just a phase.’ At worst, she was sure her mother’s rather selective catholicism would make itself known, and she didn’t want to put herself through it. Instead, she kept the few relationships she’d had with women from her, and the one time she’d met Cat she’d introduced her as a friend, something that she hadn’t known at the time would start to unravel their relationship. The first pull at the thread that held them together, Cat’s confidence in her sexuality so much stronger than Emily’s had been at the time. Cat had been out and proud the entire time she’d known her, and, in the long run, their difference in how they approached it would never have worked. 

There were times when Emily had considered telling the team. When she’d make eyes at a woman across a bar when they were all out together, but she’d always chicken out, even with her tongue loosened and her cheeks warmed by tequila. People, mostly ex-boyfriends, had reacted poorly before. Either telling her that bi-sexual wasn’t a real thing, dismissing something she’d always known to be true about herself, or over-sexualising it, a familiar look in their eyes as they saw how her sexuality could benefit them. 

After Paris, she decided she’d simply keep it to herself. Her friend's view of her had been changed anyway, the person they thought she was dead and gone, buried in the grave that had always been empty. She couldn’t bear to do it again, to once again change what they thought they knew about her, even for something like this, so she didn’t. Even when she started dating Aaron, sweet, kind loving, Aaron who had never been anything but supportive and unflinching whenever she told him anything she hesitated.

Ever since they’d walked into Cat, she felt the need to tell him. To uncover this last final part of herself that she’d kept hidden away. He knew everything about Ian. He knew about Rome. It was time he knew about this too. 

Even though she wants to tell him, she feels nervous. A familiar kind of anxiety settles in her chest as she snuggles up on the couch with him one night, determined to not put it off any longer. Jack was in bed, safe and asleep in his room down the hall, and the TV was on, a movie they’d watched countless times before fading into the background as she sinks into her boyfriend’s side. She presses her face against his shoulder, breathing him in, breathing in the last few moments of how things were before she changed them forever. 

“I need to tell you something,” she says, her words partially muffled by his shirt before she pulls back, her brows furrowed as she corrects herself, “Actually, I don’t need to tell you. But I want to.” 

He watches her carefully for a moment before he nods, reaching for the remote to turn off the TV, ensuring she has all of his attention. He turns so he’s facing her, his knee skimming her thigh as she turns too, her focus on the top of the couch. She tugs nervously at a loose thread, a nervous habit he’s grateful distracts her from her cuticles. He thinks of the ring he has tucked away in his sock drawer, of how he pictures her twisting it around her finger when she is nervous or worried. He reaches out for her, frowning when she jumps ever so slightly when his hand lands on her knee. He squeezes gently, smiling even though she doesn’t look up at him.

“You can tell me anything, you know that,” he assures her, and she nods, her lips pressed together as she continues to pull at the thread on the couch. 

“You…” she swallows thickly, her eyes closed as she trips over the words she’d practised in her head for days, “You remember that woman we bumped into the other day, Cat?” She asks, her eyes darting up to his face as he nods, “She…she wasn’t just a friend. She was my girlfriend. We dated for almost a year when we were both in college,” she blows out a breath, her chest shuddering with it, feeling somehow lighter and heavier at the same time with the admission, “I’m Bisexual.” 

Her words hang in the air around them and she holds her breath, waiting for his reaction, unable to bring herself to look at him, worried about what she’d find. 

“Thank you for telling me,” he says, his words even and calm, his softness so jarring she looks up at him fast enough it cricks her neck, a pain she barely feels as he carries on, “And thank you for trusting me - I know that can’t have been easy.” 

She chokes on a humourless laugh, “Thats…that’s it?” 

He smiles at her, his dimples carved out in his cheeks in a way she loves, and he squeezes her knee, “Did you…want a different reaction?” 

“No,” she replies, shaking her head, choking on something she can’t name - a sound between a sob and a laugh caught in her chest, “No, not at all. I’ve just never had someone react so…well before.” 

He furrows his brow, “What do you mean, sweetheart?” 

She laughs bitterly and shakes her head, wiping away a tear she hadn’t expected until she felt it on her cheek, “I once had an ex-boyfriend ask me if it meant we could have a threesome,” she says, scrunching her nose up at the memory. She looks at Aaron and smiles at the pure horror on his face, his brow furrowing in indignation for a past version of her, “I broke up with him when it became very clear he already had a list of women who’d be ‘up for it’ at the ready.” 

He clenches his jaw, “I’m sorry he reacted like that,” he replies, “You deserved better than that. You deserve better.” 

She presses her lips together and shakes her head lovingly as more tears slip past her lash line, “Well, I have better now,” she says, playing her hand over his on her knee, linking their fingers together, “Do you have any questions?” 

“Have you dated any other women?” He asks softly, curious more than anything, and she nods, running her thumb back and forth over his hand. 

“Yeah, a couple of others but none as serious as my relationship with Cat. And I’ve had a few dates and drunken hook-ups,” she replies, her cheeks burning with embarrassment she knows she shouldn't feel. 

“Have you always known?”

She nods, “Since I was pretty young,” she smiles her lips pressed together at the memory, “Let’s just say, The Dukes of Hazzard was a bit of an awakening. Luke Duke was hot…and so was Daisy Duke.” 

He smiles and squeezes her hand, lifting it to kiss her knuckles, “What made you tell me now?” 

She blows out a slow breath, “After we walked into Cat, I realised I didn’t want to hide it from you anymore. All the reasons I had for doing so suddenly didn’t make any sense.” 

He pulls her into a hug, his arm tight around her as he kisses her cheek, “I’m glad you told me,” he says, smiling as she turns her head to kiss him.

“I’m glad I did too,” she replies, nudging her nose against his, “I…I was so worried it would change how you looked at me.” 

He frowns and pulls back to look at her, shaking his head as he tucks some of her hair behind her ear, “Never,” he assures her, “Nothing ever could. Especially this.” 

She furrows her brow and tilts her head at him, “What do you mean?” 

He sighs as he chooses his words carefully, “You’ve always been bi, sweetheart, right? It’s been part of who you are as long as I’ve known you, and it’s been part of you as long as I’ve loved you,” he smiles as he reaches out to wipe away a tear from her cheek, “So it doesn’t change anything because it’s always been who you are, even if you hadn’t told me.” 

She leans forward, her forehead against his neck as she breathes him in again, the world the same as it had been before she’d told him, but somehow different too. His understanding of her deeper but everything else unchanged. She takes a moment to hold him close, and she plays everything he’d said back in her head. A conversation she’d remember again and again as a reminder of how much he loved her, how well he loved her. Something she thinks that, after everything, she might just deserve. She furrows her brow as she thinks about it, the way he’d said part of all those wonderful things catching in her chest. Aaron was purposeful in everything. Not calculated, but purposeful. He never said anything he didn’t mean, and she narrows her eyes at him as she pulls back. 

“Wait…you said ‘even if I hadn’t told you…” she tilts her head as he clears his throat, avoiding her eye contact, “Oh my god - you knew?” 

He sighs, scratching the back of his head with the hand not tangled up in hers, “Sweetheart-”

She scoffs and lightly hits his chest, her cheeks burning at the thought that she’d got herself so worked up over something he apparently already knew, “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

He smiles at her indignation, catching her hand before she slaps his chest again for laughing at her. He kisses her knuckles and smiles fondly at her, disarming her ability to be annoyed at him so easily she’s annoyed at herself. 

“It wasn’t my place to, Em,” he says, “It’s your story to tell.” 

She knows he’s right and she huffs out a breath, her cheek against his shoulder as she pouts in a way she’d deny if he brought it up, “How the hell did you know?” 

“As someone who has been in love with you for much longer than I care to admit, I paid close attention to your interactions with anyone I thought might be flirting with you,” he smiles as she tilts her head to look at him, “It didn’t take long to realise you have chemistry with literally every person you ever meet.” 

She suppresses a laugh, her lips pressed together as one more wave of anxiety rolls through her, “And you don’t mind?” 

He shakes his head, leaning in to kiss her, his hand on her cheek to hold her in place, “If anything, it just makes me feel even more lucky that out of everyone you could be with you chose to be with me.” 

She sighs but it catches in her chest, love for him filling her lungs so fast she can’t catch her breath, “Oh, no honey,” she says, placing her hand over his on her cheek, shaking her head as he catches a tear the moment it slips free from her lashes, “I’m the lucky one.” 

[pedropascallme]

What about Pedro smut with a tattooed reader and maybe a hint of body worship on both ends? No one can tell me he wouldn’t be the most giving partner. (I’m also on board for it to be Din x reader if you’re not comfy writing smut for Pedro) 💕

AN: This isn't as smutty as I was intending for it to be originally, but I'm in the middle of writing a uuuhhhhh really intense Joel smut fic so. I promise I will make up for the lack of filth in this. Still, I hope you like it!!

If he could, Pedro would live between your thighs; he’d spend every waking our between your legs, parting you with his tongue and feeling you squeeze yourself around his head, hand fisted in his hair. His hands grabbed your hips, holding you firmly down so he could continue his movements while you pulled the hair at the nap of his neck. 

“Taste so good.” He moaned into your core, the vibrations traveling through your body. He had made you cum once already, but he was desperate to make you do it again. He rutted into the mattress while he sucked on your clit, delirious with lust over the taste of you. “Please baby, gimme another.”

You arched your back, and he wrapped his lips around your clit once again, nipping and sucking at the swollen bud until he heard you gasping, felt your hand tighten in his hair and attempt to pull him off once it became too much. He couldn’t help the way he lingered, though; how he buried his nose and mouth into you before he finally brought himself up to you at face level. 

You were panting, your eyelids heavy as he began tracing a finger gently over the tattoo on your chest. He followed the curve of the linework over your breasts before switching gears and tracing a smaller one on your shoulder that fit into the sleeve you had been working on finishing for months now. 

“Felt good.” You whispered, looking up at him.

“Tasted good.” He smiled and you let out a contented hum. He pushed himself up and crawled over you, kissing your neck.

“Always taste so good,” He licked a stripe up your throat, “my perfect girl…” You sighed and brought your hands up and around him, grabbing at his back before sliding them back around to his stomach, chest, and then back to his stomach. Maybe it was corny the way you and Pedro were so passionate about each other; there was no question that the two of you were downright obsessed with the other on an emotional and physical level. There was just something that felt so right about worshipping each other, spending time and energy validating one another. 

“You always make me feel so good.” You smiled, and he put all his weight on top of you, kissing you behind your ear and using the tattoo behind your lobe as a target. “So pretty, Pedro.”

“Was thinking the same thing about you, baby.” You wrapped yourself around him, enjoying the pressure he was applying to you. “You need to get your sleeve finished. Need more shapes to trace over while you come down.”

“I’m going to. Eventually, I mean.”

“What if you just got my face tattooed really big on your elbow.”

“That would be so hot, I’m sure nobody would notice how fucked up the lines are as long as I told them it was meant to be Pedro Pascal.”

“Damn right.” He smiled wide, flipping you over so that you were lying on top of him; he squeezed you while you settled over him. 

“You make me feel so pretty.” You mumbled into his neck.

“Then I’m doing my job right.”

“Do I make you feel pretty?” You pondered aloud.

“So pretty, querida,” He chuckled, “So pretty.”

[whorecrux-of-slytherin]

Slytherin Boys try to impress you with their idea of an ideal date.

(part.1) : Draco | Blaise | Theodore

Warning - mentions of kissing, slight toxic behaviour if you squint. This is not proof read, so kindly ignore any grammatical errors or typos

a/n . I have only included Draco, Blaise and Theo in this because if I add the rest of them ( Enzo, Matheo and Tom ) it'll be far too long. But for the most part I'm too lazy to write for everyone in one go. I don't mind writing a part 2 if someone requests. Also yes I made the mini mood boards ���

Kindly do not copy my work.

DRACO MALFOY:

Draco Malfoy is the definition of generational wealth, so there's no doubt that he'd plan something romantic and lavish to spoil his partner.

He's not the best at expressing his feelings through words, so he loves making grand gestures in spoiling you. This is his way to show his upbringing and heritage; that he is worthy of your time and can treat you right.

Firstly he would pick you up personally then gift you a bouquet of your favourite flowers & something exquisite, like some custom made jewelry -an elegant bracelet maybe.

He'd go all out and book a private roof- top classic candle light dinner at the most famous and exclusive wizarding restaurants with the perfect view of the Eiffel tower in Paris. He'll hold your hand across the table, gently rub circles and occasionally give it a kiss. He also arranges for a pianist to play your favourite pieces.

After dinner, he would surprise you with a suite at a luxurious hotel to spend the night together. He'd run you both a bath and wash your hair for you while you enjoy some champagne and the most delicious macaroons you've ever had.

BLAISE ZABINI :

Blaise may come off as the most unbothered slytherin boy and honestly speaking, he is. But not when it comes to you.

You are special to him and he'd make it a point that you know. To prove this he would opt for an unconventional but romantic date night idea.

I just feel that he'd know how to drive a charmed car and owns a wide collection of vintage cars ( few from his ex step -fathers' as well). So he would take you on a romantic drive in the evening on his favourite classic vintage Porsche.

Both of you spend the night driving through the night sky watching the city lights of London; making conversations about what you like the most about each other.

Then he'd make a stop at one of his favourite spots secluded from the city to spend time watching you gaze at the stars and cuddling to get warmth from each other's bodies while he hums a soft tune.

He'd then drop you home safely but not before he kisses you passionately and say those three special words for the very first time.

THEODORE NOTT:

Theo is the pretty boy of the group. He is no doubt loaded with money- their family basically mints money for Gringotts from generations (so duh-) but he doesn't like to flash it the way Draco does.

He uses the 'dead mother' card to pull girls but in reality, he is quite the player. Deep down he at times, craves for female validation or attention. So he surrounds himself with different girls every few weeks so that he wouldn't get too attached to them.

But then he meets you and he just knows that you're the one for him. So he chases you down until you fall for him and now he wants to surprise you with the perfect date idea.

He invites you to his holiday home in Italy for the first time. The place where he grew up until his mother's death when he was 7 years old. He shows you around the huge property facing the sea and telling you about his childhood adventure there and secretly hopes that he would one day get to spend his life there with you.

He would then cook you dinner himself. Spaghetti- in the traditional Italian way with some vintage wine from his family's vineyard in the countryside.

..........................................................................................

Thanks for reading! 🤍

Do like, share and comment down about your thoughts 🤔💭

Who would you go on a date with and why?? 🐍

[zeltqz]

USED [1]

Ran Haitani seems to have some sort of fixation with you so suddenly, and though you despise him, you don't miss the way your strict father hates his guts, so you ultimately use him to get back at your father.

ran haitani x fem!reader

tags: (5.8k words) one-sided enemies to lovers, college student!reader, implied bet on reader, toxic relationship with reader's father, tenjiku ran haitani, i tried to make ran irritating as possible, but i love him too much, lolz, explicit sexual content: kissing, oral (f), implied blowjobs, fingering, exhibitionism; ran fucks you in a car park, alcohol usage, you work at a bar

author's note: this was based off a request from 🍉 anon (ps i love u so much. i had so much fun writing this). and as majority of my fics are, it's too long to fit into one part so i'm splitting it up....lmao

You know Haitani Ran from the way he walks into class late, unbothered, with a prep in his step, hands shoved into the depths of his pockets, taking his sweet time to walk all the way up the lecture stairs to his seat at the back right of the top row. The entire class sits still, women admiring him with flushed faces, whispering to their friends next to them about him, the boys spiteful, bitter at the reactions of the girls to his mere presence. Ran’s infamous, “Sorry, sorry for being late,” line is one the lecturer is prepared to hear every Wednesday. He slots himself down in his spot, which happens to be next to you. 

As someone who takes their education very seriously; it’s unfortunate to be stuck with such an idiot as a seatmate, always looking over at your paper to copy your answers, and if he’s not copying, he’s on his phone, playing an obnoxious game that’s quiet enough for everybody else not to hear, except you since you’re seated so close. 

“Did everybody submit the assignments?” The lecturer asks, disappointed in the way half the class sweat in panic, the other half nodding, a monotone yes , sir filling the air.

Being part of half of the class that bothered to do the work, you don’t panic, rather feel confident in your abilities, leaning back in your chair as you can spend the next few weeks relaxing for the final exams. 

It’s amusing seeing Ran’s eyes go wide, from the corner of your eye, at the mention of an assignment, his delusions so high that he’s reaching inside his bag for work he didn’t even know existed.  

You can’t help but scoff.

That catches his attention, and you stiffen up when you feel him look at you. 

“Somethin’ funny?”

“Yeah,” you challenge, turning to face him, meeting him eye to eye. “You.”

He does an excellent job at hiding his surprise, but you’re good at reading people, picking up on the way his head jerks back a little at your response. He chuckles, short and sweet, resting an elbow on the table, leaning his face on his palm and stares down at you. 

“Yeah? What about me?”

It’s probably the first conversation you’ve had with him since you started studying here. He’s popular, not just in school, but outside. Infamous for…loads of things. Just know he’s not a good person, the police know that, the civilians know that, the school knows that; yet they turn a blind eye to his antics. Is it his charisma? Does he pay them off? You feel like you’re the only one with common sense in the entire city, because you have a valid reason to hate a delinquent like him.

You don’t bother to dignify him with a response, rolling your eyes and turning back to your laptop. 

Ran won’t lie; he’s a little stunned at your behaviour towards him. So used to girls practically falling at his feet, kissing his shoes, fainting at his presence. That last one was pretty exaggerated, yes—but it happened once at a club. Maybe it was influenced by alcohol, or drugs…but it happened. For once in his life, he’s stumped, sneaking glances at you every now and then. 

You’re typing away at your laptop, getting started on the next assignment. Your education is something you take a lot of pride in, not only for your future self, but for your father. Overall, he doesn’t really care about you, not as much as your brother. The favourtism is obvious even though he insists he doesn’t exist and you’re just being dramatic . 

If you were to ask yourself why you’re spending so much studying just to impress him, why you’re craving fatherly love from someone who can’t give it to you. It’s been your only motivation to study, the thought of your father being proud of your accomplishments.

Ran’s stare is…distracting, to say the least. Whether you think he’s staring hard deliberately, or staring obliviously, it doesn’t matter because it’s still fucking annoying. 

With a hefty sigh, you stop typing, turning to face him. “Do you mind?”

There’s a sweet saccharine smile on his face as he leans on his elbow, looking down at you like you’re the best thing in the world. You shift in your seat, not liking how your body reacts to that stare, but keep your face stoic. 

“Mind what?” 

His smile only grows when you roll your eyes, shifting your chair away from him to focus better. Briefly, you look around the lecture hall for empty seats. There’s no way in hell this guy will follow you if you do choose to sit somewhere else. Not only would that be irritating as fuck because he’s probably found a new target to leech onto, but you’d automatically turn into Public Enemy No.1 if you were now labelled as Ran’s plaything . Eesh, even the thought of being that makes you shudder with disgust. 

Your lack of sexual nature is one thing you take pride in. Most people your age couldn’t go more than two weeks without sex. It’s not that hard , you think, but then again, when you have attractive idiotic men running around with their dicks out like the dude next to you, it is pretty hard for some girls to resist. 

Deep down, you know if you were more like them, you wouldn’t be able to resist him either. He smells good, always . A smoky signature scent that if someone else tried to replicate, it would be obvious who they were inspired by. It’s so strong that the scent stays lingering in the area even when he’s not around. A constant reminder marking his presence. 

For someone that hates him so much, there’s a part of you hoping he comes in everyday, just to smell him. As creepy as that sounds, you don’t go and sniff him like some dog with no home training, just a small sniff whenever the scent wafts in your direction. 

It’s not your fault, nor your nose's fault that he uses such a nice smelling cologne.

Either way, it doesn’t matter; because the lecture is ending earlier than usual; the professor had to go to a meeting so class dismissed.

As you pack your bags, you’re vaguely aware of him staring at you again. It’s hard to ignore, but you refuse to let him know that he has an effect on you. His gaze follows you down the steps until you exit. 

The following evening, you’re working your night shift at the campus bar, wiping down freshly washed glasses with a cloth when you hear his obnoxious voice behind you, laughing loudly at something his friends are saying. Your heart drops down to the floor when you realise he’s seated in your section, meaning whether you like it or not you will have to serve him sooner or later. With a sigh, you grab at your notepad and pen far too aggressively for someone that should be obeying the bar's policies, ‘always serve the customers with a smile !’ or the one your manager had reminded you far too many times because of your resting bitch face, ‘always look approachable .”

Yeah. Whatever .

It’s obvious you’re stalling with the way you’re dodging Ran’s table, taking everyone’s orders, smiling that perfectly trained smile you forced yourself to plaster on your face from the hours of 1700 to 2300 every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Before you get to dodge his table once more, there’s a tug at the hem of your uniform, skirt flowing from the force of it. It’s strong enough to stop you in your tracks, but not enough to force you to fall over or something. 

Turning to face the man himself, your smile instantly drops, back into your unamused expression. It seems that no matter how hard you trained your facial muscles, you couldn’t force that smile for someone that doesn’t deserve it. 

“Have you been avoiding me?” He speaks questioningly, and you curse the fact that his brother has stopped talking, now directing his attention over at you. His stare is just as, if not, more intimidating than his brothers, and you feel a shiver run across your body.

“No. I just didn’t see you,” you huff in annoyance; an obvious lie that has his perfectly shaped brows wrinkling. 

He’s probably trying to figure out how someone just happened to not see him.  It’s not out of cockiness, or arrogance—which seems to make up most of his being—but as stated before, being infamous for doing all sorts of things makes him pretty popular in this city, whether he intended that or not. So it’s only natural for someone to notice his presence. 

“Yeah, okay ,” he’s scoffing like he doesn’t believe you. To be frank, if you were him you wouldn’t believe yourself either.

“Who is she?” His brother asks, taking a sip of the water he’s been forced to drink because a certain someone wouldn’t take their order.

“If I play my cards right, my future girlfriend.” Ran also takes a sip of the water, smacking his lips, when he practically hears you squawk out in shock. 

“As if ,” you bite out, clutching your notepad closer to yourself, deciding if getting sent home early for refusing to take someone's order and losing out on money is worth being here with him for one more second. “Now tell me what the fuck you want to drink and stop wasting my time.”

“Fiesty one, huh?” His brother looks over at Ran who nods his head in appreciation.

“Yeah. Ain’t she cute?” The fact he’s talking about you like you aren’t even there, or aware is aggravating. 

Looking down at the imaginary watch on your wrist, you click your tongue, sighing exasperatedly. “You have three more seconds to cough up your order before I abandon you.”

Ran doesn’t catch your bluff. “Guess I’ll be having a wonderful discussion with your manager then, aye?”

Yup, that does it. You poke your tongue at your cheek, closing your eyes and counting to three in your mind, facial muscles twitching in pain as you force the smile back onto your face. “Hi. What would you like today?”

Ran leans his elbow in on the table, smiling up at you contentedly. “Your name and number, please.”

It takes everything in your power to not drop the smile, but it already took the majority of your energy to put on, so you’re not about to ruin the facade even more. 

“I’m afraid that isn’t on the menu ,” you say that part a bit more aggressively, mildly gesturing to the closed menu pamphlet on the wooden table that he didn’t even bother to open. “Maybe if you look at it , you’ll see what we serve.”

He looks down at the menu, and his brother chews at the whites of his nails, watching the scene with a slight interest. 

“I’ll have whatever you recommend for me, and your name and number.”

“Would you just —” you shut up before you could get violent, closing your breath and inhaling deeply to steady yourself. Since your eyes are plastered shut, you vaguely miss the look Ran sends his brother, and how it sends him off into a laughing frenzy. “Look. At. The. Menu.”

He makes a show of looking at the menu for a new record of around .34 seconds, somehow already coming up with a drink of choice. “How about a cocktail that’s as sweet as you, hm?”

You know what. That’s good enough. Probably the closest answer you’ll get to the real thing.  “Sure, whatever.” 

You approach your co-worker behind the bar, tell her the drink is for Haitani Ran and watch as her eyes practically morph into hearts, doing your best to ignore her asking if she makes the drink well enough, will he fall in love?

“Do me a favour and pour vinegar in his drink.” You take a shot from the clean glass she just washed, uncaring of the way she frowns.

“No! Why would I do that?” Ai seems genuinely horrified at the idea, wondering if you know who he is and why you would want to prank someone like him.

“‘Cause he deserves it?” 

Ai shakes her head, mixing the drink as well as she can, pouring all her love into it before sliding it onto a tray, handing it to you. “Voila! If he likes it, tell him to gimme his number, yeah?”

“Cool, whatever.” You walk off before she could say anything further. 

If this was a plate of food, or a bottle of water on the tray, you would’ve slammed it onto the table, uncaring of the mess it makes after. But since it’s a very delicate , fragile cocktail glass, you fight back on that urge. 

“Enjoy it,” you say with the most monotone voice, stalking away before he could find something else to say. 

The rest of the night goes by quickly, and peacefully, and it wasn’t until you were closing up for the night, you felt those same pair of lingering eyes on you as you mopped under the tables. 

“How the fuck are you still here?” You ask, going borderline insane, looking over at the same table the two brothers have been occupying for the rest of the night. 

Rindou has his chair tilting back on its heels as he leans back, feet on the table, and your face scrunches up when you realise you have to do extra cleaning tonight. Ran stands from his chair, hovering over you, enjoying the way you don’t even bristle, or look away like most girls would. 

“Wasn’t leavin’ without your number.” 

“Then I hope you brought a sleeping bag.” 

You try to move to clean the rest of the floor but of course , he stops you, extending his arm out to curl around your side, pulling you back to him. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening to me right now,” you mutter more to yourself than to him, the thought of Ran Haitani now leeching onto you as his latest target was annoying in itself. 

He holds his hand out, not saying another word, presumably waiting for you to hand your phone. You reach down to smack his hand away, but his reflexes get the better of you, gripping onto your hand tight in a way you struggled to escape out of. 

“I’m not playing these games with you, Haitani.”

“Neither am I.” With an irritating amount of nonchalance, he extends his spare hand (acting like he isn’t currently squeezing the life out of your own hand), and gestures over to your phone, prominent in the pocket of your uniform. “Number please . See? I’m even being polite.”

“How generous.” The sarcasm drips from your voice blatantly, but he either is too idiotic to pick up on it, or just ignores it completely because he’s so persistent on getting your number. “Fine,” you kiss your teeth, giving in, thinking if you ghost him it might be enough to decimate his ego to the point of no return.

“Yay ♡ ” He sounds as giddy as he looks and as annoyed as you should be, you find it kind of cute that he’s this excited to contact you. 

“Take it.” You hand him the piece of paper you wrote your number on, pulling it away before he could grab at it. “But if you spam me, I’m blocking you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Obviously you don’t plan on doing anything with him, just ignoring all his messages till he gives up and finds a new girl to leech onto. There’s plenty of pussy in this campus for him anyway, yours just happens to not be easily accessible. It’s not like he would have trouble finding a new target. Hell, you can already name fifteen girls in your Monday 10AM lecture alone that would drop everything to lay in bed with that man. 

By the time you get home, he’s already sending you a text that you ignore in favour of taking a shower. Your father looks like he’s in a bad mood, so the last thing you want to do is talk to him and provoke him further with your presence alone. But it seems when he’s angry enough, he’ll look for anything to argue with you about.

After eating dinner, you were perched up on the living room couch, enjoying yourself some pity ramen as you watch Love Island USA, engaging in on the drama before your father storms in; clearly irritated as he hears the stupid voices on the TV. 

“Can you turn that crap off ? My news programme starts soon.”

You barely bother to look at him, focusing back on the TV, more specifically, the shot of Tommy, 27, as the camera pans downwards towards his abs. It’s a bit annoying he had to walk in now , but you don’t care. You’re ‘grown’ according to his words whenever you ask him to help you out with something. You’re a grown woman now, what do you need my help for? Act like an adult. 

And acting you will . 

He seems offended that you don’t respond, instead drool over some dude on the TV. “When are you going to start acting your—”

“My what ? My age? I’m nineteen, not 34 with three kids. You should be lucky that I’m not out there, doing drugs, sleeping around, getting arrested like most people my age are! Because if you want that, just tell me. I’ll do it.” 

“They’re being irresponsible in their own way. What about you? When was the last time you even showed me your grades?”

“Because the last time I recall, you told me I’m a grown woman, so why should a grown woman show her father her grades, like I’m a fucking child?”

“Do not swear in my house.”

You take a moment to chew your food before cussing up a storm, spewing out every swear word you can think of. The argument escalates with both of you yelling at each other, expressing your differing opinions and frustrations. The tension in the room was palpable, and the exchange of your words became equally hurtful. 

“You never listen to me, Dad! You’re so focused on yourself and your failing business that you can’t see that I’m not you and I won’t sacrifice my happiness just to please you.”

“This is not about me ! What don’t you get?! This is about you being responsible and making something of yourself. Right now? All I see is a pathetic girl, crushing over men that are twice her age on the TV. You’re just being stubborn and selfish.”

“Oh, so you want me to go after real men then? That what you want? You want me to find some toxic asshole that would ruin me so I can come back home to you so you’d have some sick pleasure of saying I told you so ?” At this point, you feel emotionally drained, too tired to keep arguing like this. 

Your day was going well-ish , minus the pest called Ran Haitani, but removing him from the equation made your day overall a 9. Knowing your father, he would only continue escalating the issue at hand because he can, so you hand him the remote. “ There . Change the damn channels and enjoy your news programme.”

He seems awfully proud of himself, like he didn’t just verbally abuse his child all for some goddamn news programme. You can’t find it in yourself to walk out of the living anyway, so you both sit there in silence. The only sounds are the remote buttons clicking as he types in the channel.

As the news unfolded, the anchor mentioned the infamous delinquent gang known as Tenjiku, followed by the name you were all too familiar with: Ran Haitani, and a few other random guys he’s criminally acquainted with. Your father’s face tightens and he looks over at you.

“Those boys are you age, right?”

You fight the urge to say, yeah, want me to join them? , choosing to be the bigger person and nod your head in silence.

“This is what I hate about your generation—”

And here he goes again. You tune him out now, instead focusing on the news reporter discussing how gang violence has been increasing rapidly over the course of the last few weeks as many young influenced middle school boys are now joining more gangs. In the background, your dads rant comes to a stop.

“I’m glad you stay at home all day instead of being around bad news like them. I don’t want my child getting caught up in their mess.”

You sigh, not bothering to comment on how your dad is a fucking hypocrite, but realise that his concern stems from a desire to protect you. It’s a shame you didn’t care because you found your hands moving to your phone, sending a quick text out to Ran, asking him to hang out this weekend. 

Is it wrong of you to be using him like this just to get your dad angry? 

Yeah, probably. But Ran was most likely using you in the same way just to impress his friends, so in a sick sense, you were both even. 

Days pass by after the living room encounter with your father, and you found yourself deep in thought. One evening, you decided to take matters into your own hands, determined to seize the opportunity, you snuck out of your room, venturing to Tenjiku’s hangout location; just an abandoned car park. Ran spots you looking around the place uncomfortably, so obviously out of place, and hops off the wall to head over to you. His expression shifts from surprise, to amused, chuckling as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Well well well, look who’s finally caved.” 

If it wasn’t for the fact you just spent the last fifteen minutes walking here, you would’ve abandoned the plan you made and gone home already. His cockiness was something you weren’t excited to entertain. 

“Don’t get too excited before I change my mind,” you say firmly, ignoring the flutter of nerves in your stomach when his eyes shamelessly wander down the length of your body. 

“I like that attitude,” he admits with a smirk, tilting your chin up with his finger, making you meet his gaze. 

Maybe it was out of pure shock,  but you don’t remove his finger, just let him redirect your gaze to meet his eyes. You notice how nice his face is up close. Regularly, you can’t bear to stare at him for longer than five seconds at a time, but with his finger keeping your face upright, it allows you to notice his long lashes, how they’re curved upwards almost perfectly, the faint splatter of freckles dusted asymetically across his cheeks. His hair…you refuse to comment on it, lest you say something you’d regret. But that aside, he wasn’t bad , and you maybe…just a little— (a smidge or a pinch) see the hype around him. His voice wasn’t anything to play around with either, and you’d think if it didn’t belong to an ingrate like him, you could successfully admit without a shadow of a doubt that you liked it. 

You seem to be oogling his face, sending him mixed signals because he’s leaning in, capturing your lips in a heated kiss that instantaneously sends a rush of adrenaline through your body. You were too stunted to push him off, despising how you’re enjoying the feeling of his lips moving against your stiff ones. It wasn’t your first kiss, but it had been a while since you kissed someone, so you were a little off. It was like he could sense your hesitation, your awkwardness, because his hand cups the back of your head, gripping your hair as he moves your head in the way he wants you. 

The fact you now know that Ran Haitani is a good kisser pisses you off because that was information you couldn’t care less about storing inside your brain. But what pisses you off more is the fact you still haven’t pulled away yet , and his friends are not even a couple metres away, smoking or whatever it is they do in their free time. 

He bends down to pick you up from your thighs, relishing in the way you yelp from being lifted from the ground so suddenly, holding onto his shoulders for balance. 

“Relax, would ya? I’m not gunna drop you.” He’s referring to the tight grip you have on his shoulders as he walks towards his car.

“You might as well. I need some sense knocked into me anyway.”

“That’s not the only thing I’ll—” He stops himself with a grin, refusing to finish those words and leaving you second guessing.

Obviously you’re not stupid , you have some vague idea of what dirty joke he’s implying. “You’re sick.”

“‘M aware of that.” He puts you on the hood of his car, laying you flat as he steps in between your open legs. 

It seems he misunderstood what you came here for because you didn’t come here for this, yet you still can’t find it in yourself to push him away, moaning softly when his lips crash down to your neck, sucking away at your skin. Maybe tricking Ran into dating you would do no good, he’s not cut out for relationships anyway; your brain tries to persuade you that revenge on your father isn’t worth your dignity but with the way he’s kissing down your neck, so sensual, you can’t help but clasp your arms around his head, guiding him further down your body.

He goes further downwards and lifts your shirt up to reveal your stomach, kissing the soft skin there while simultaneously hooking his fingers between the layers of your shorts and panties, tugging them off your body, placing them next to you on the car. 

Is it a little (just a little????) crazy that you’re about to get eaten out in public, on a hood of a car ? Yes, it is. But the rush of adrenaline hits you before you had the chance to fight it off. You’re aware you’re a bit of a hypocrite but looking down at him between your legs had shifted the narrative of your thoughts a little.

He kisses the flesh of your thighs, teasing you as he surges upwards to around your pussy, pressing a light kiss to your clit before moving back to your thighs.

Irrirated, and desperate, you call his name out as harsh as you can, only for it to come out as a breathless plea. “Stop messing around, Ran.” 

You’re not ready for him to flick his eyes up at you, those damn hooded eyes staring at you with a longing hunger. “So you do want this?”

“I didn’t let you lay me on your fucking car for no reason, Ran.”

His fingers dig painfully into your thighs, reminding you he has the upper hand here. “I’d like some respect when you speak to me from now on.”

“Suck a dick.”

“You will later. For now though…” he trails off as he  looks back down at the wetness that accumulated between your legs and leans down, sticking his tongue out to lick a stripe from base to tip, circling his tongue around your clit and repeating the shameless action.

You bite down on your lip, hard, in an attempt to silence yourself. The loud laughter coming a couple feet away reminds you that you’re not alone, and the last thing you’d want is for his friends to find you like this. Especially not his brother, oh no , he’s the last one you’d want to see right now. He’s the only one out of the group that witnessed your initial disdain for his brother, and you’d at least like to slither away from this night with a shred of dignity, knowing that to the rest of the general public that know you, you didn’t just fall to your knees for Ran Haitani. 

Your moans shift in pitch when he begins working you open with his tongue, wrapping your legs around his head so his hands are free, he rubs his finger up and down your folds, enjoying the way you squirm from the sensation.

It’s hard to stay focused on him, his tongue, his finger that just slipped inside you. It’s even harder to stay focused on controlling your noises when he curls his finger just right . He pulls his finger out, spreading apart your folds with two fingers, and licks you up, flicking his tongue on your clit.

He really knows what he’s doing, doesn’t he? Fuck, you’re frantically looking to the side, at the sound of his friends, stomach twisting in knots from the anticipation of being caught.

Knowing that your attention is elsewhere pisses him off, shoving two of his fingers back inside you without fanfare; you let out a loud moan, instantly covering your mouth and glare down at him, ready to hiss at him before he’s standing up, holding you by the throat to pull you forward into a sitting position. His fingers are still ravaging your insides as he looks at you, keeping you steady by the hand on your throat. 

“Focus on me , not them.” He watches your eyes threaten to roll back when he twists his fingers perfectly, curling them against your g-spot. 

“I—I ca—” He kisses you again, hot and heavy, not letting you explain yourself. Though you should smack him for choking you like that, you’re partly grateful because he’s doing a great job at silencing you, swallowing your moans down as his tongue slides against your own. You can taste yourself in the kiss, and it’s bitter , but Ran seems to enjoy it because he’s pulling away to kneel back between your legs.

You shift to lay down  against the hood once more but his spare hand grips your hips, stopping you. 

“Stay there,” he says, pulling his fingers our momentarily to tug your body towards him. 

You almost fall off the car, and you most definitely would’ve fell forward if he wasn’t steadying you. He shoves his face back between your legs, devouring your pussy with his lips and tongue, overstimulating your clit to the point of no return as he clamps his lips around it, sucking hard before you fall apart. Goosebumps form on the surface of your arms as he flicks his tongue against your cunt at a rapid speed, slurping your wetness hungrily. 

You slap your hand over your mouth, having to bite down into it to conceal your moans as he works you through your orgasm. Your thighs twitch and convulse by his face as he looks up at you, watching you fall apart. He shamelessly watches your chest inflate and deflate with every fast paced breath you let out. 

“So fuckin’ pretty ,” he stands, laying you back down against the hood of his car. He cages you in, kissing you without letting you catch your breath. 

Your legs wrap around his waist, locking him in close as his hand grips onto your chin, tilting your face up so he could kiss you deeper. He’s such a good kisser it’s almost humbling how quickly he can placate you with his lips alone. 

He pulls away with a devilish smirk on his face and you roll your eyes, pushing him away from you to slide off the car.

 “Don’t get all cocky now ,” he coos, wondering where this energy was not even ten seconds ago.

Your legs wobble and you fight to stand upright, but manage just fine, refusing to give him that much power over you. Grabbing your pants and shorts, you change back in shame, meanwhile he just leans against the hood of the car, watching you with a satisfied look on his face. 

“Nothin’ to say?”

“Take me home.” At least tonight wasn’t a total bust; you can still go home and have your dad see him bring you back. You can still have a little bit of dignity left.

He shrugs and fishes out his car keys from his pockets. His car smells just as nice as him, you think as you step inside, tugging your seatbelt on. 

“Where do you live?”

You tell him your address and it’s weird how he knows the city in and out, not even pulling out a GPS before figuring out the direction to your house. He parks right in front of your gate and you’re already unbuckling your seatbelt to get out. You’ve spent more time here than you’d initially planned anyway. 

Except he locks the doors before you could get a chance.

The irritation bubbling from earlier comes back and you’re reminded of all the reasons why you despise him. 

“Let me out.”

“Not yet, pretty.” He turns off the car and turns to face you. It’s amusing to him how you still haven’t quite caught your breath yet, still panting slightly as a result from your orgasm. 

“What do you want now ?”

He hums in contemplation, musing his thoughts over. “Honestly? To bend you over my backseat.” He sends a suggestive look over to the back and your lips part open in shock. Mainly shocked due to how shameless this guy actually is, but also because you…liked the—no. 

No. Moving on.

“Well that’s—uh—” You’re at a loss for words, mouth opening and closing like a fish, struggling to think of something witty to say and the smirk on his face has you wishing your brain was actually functioning right now so you could say something to wipe it off. 

“Looks like I finally broke that know-it-all brain of yours.”

“You didn’t—” Your voice gets tinier and tinier as he leans forward, cupping the back of your head to kiss you again. This time, he’s much slower than the previous two, taking his sweet time to work you open. His tongue sweeps along your bottom lip and you subconsciously hold his nape to tug him closer. 

He pulls away before you could fully get into it, eyes lingering on the swell of your bottom lips before flicking up to your eyes, looking down breathlessly at him. 

“Think your pops’ is mad at me.” He nods past your body, out the window revealing your dad on the doorstep of your house, looking positively furious, arms crossed by his side, waiting, daring you to step foot inside his house.

You whip your head backwards, eyes widening marginally at his face. 

You’ve never seen him that mad before….

“On second thought…” you bite your lip, picking your dignity again over your mental well-being. You’re far too out of it to have another argument with him tonight. “Can you take me to yours?”

“Fuck, ‘course I can.” 

i'll upload part two later this week once i finish writing it 👻

extra author's note: just a lil fun fact of the day : the arguement between reader and her father was actually one i had with my own dad😒 except obviously more exaggarated to fit in with the storyline. funnnnn...

[frompearl]

Love and War !

A/N: This is the 2000’s love triangle yandere cringe blend that I have been dying for all my life. This is just me going crazy. Expect a little cringe and those classical cliche moments. :)

(If no one’s writing a y2k Yandere love triangle reader insert featuring a rock band—— then I will 😤)

(Yandere x Female Reader) (slight NSFW)

-Y/N who’s childhood friends with the lead guitarist & singer in a band. Keith and her have been closest friends since the earliest she can remember. The poor boy has been crushing on her since the beginning of time, she does too but she hasn’t realized it yet.

-Being the curious girl she is, she’s been meaning to lose her virginity for a while. With no one else to trust, she turns to Keith asking him if he’d be willing to take her first. She wants him to do it because she wants it to be memorable and she wants to lose it to someone she can trust.

-Shocked, but flattered, Keith hesitantly agrees. Both of them do it…and instantly get addicted.

-Thus a best friend with benefits situation is born. The line between lover and friend becomes a blur as their relationship becomes more intimate. Gone are the days where Y/N sees Keith as her friend, she starts to see him in a new light.

-But the downside is that their relationship becomes unclear. Keith desperately wants to wife up Y/N. Y/N, who feels that Keith is way out of her league, scolds herself for feeling more towards him. He is her friend and she’s convinced that he’s only indulging her out of pity.

-So she tries to move on from him and just try to remain best friends with him. But that’s a bit hard when she has to follow him everywhere on his tours. Especially when she sleeps in his bed every night.

-Enter Silver, a cold and ruthless manager recently hired for Keith’s band. He’s a tyrant to the band, but the others bare it because of his stellar performance and the connections he’s gained in the past. They know he can give them the chance they need to show the world what they’re made of. So if they have to follow his demanding orders, so be it. They won’t fight him.

-Well, everyone except Keith. Who Silver quickly wants out of the band.

-Both are always butting heads. If Silver says the sky is blue, Keith will say it’s red just to spite him. And if Keith makes a valid point or stands up against Silver’s unnecessarily cruel behavior towards the band, Silver will turn up his nose. If they’re in the same room, you bet they’ll be arguing or holding back from mauling the other.

-Keith knows how to lead his band, he knows what music will stick or flop. He can help his band grow and improve. No prissy boy could ever be of help. In his eyes, Silver doesn’t know shit and is unnecessary baggage in his band.

-Silver on the other hand schemes to take out Keith and ruin his career. He wants Keith out of the band and to ruin his reputation beyond recognition. He wants to destroy Keith so that he’ll never play on stage ever again.

-But then, Silver catches a whiff of Keith’s cute little friend. The man is instantly smitten by you. You’re pretty big blue eyes and you’re soft hair. Supple lips that are begging to be kissed. And the plentiful curves of your body.

-The man lusts after you, falling deeper in love as he spends more time with you. Both of you are the managerial side of the band, planning what will be good for the band. He finds you adorable and shamefully has you stay longer with him than necessary- to the annoyance of Keith.

-His new goal: Destroy the career of Keith and then steal you as his prize.

-None of them want to give you up. And they’ll fight each other to the death if they have to.

-After all, all is sane in love and war.