#on life n myself in general. it all feels slightly off. but nothing is off in the right way tht aligns up w the symptoms of any particular

[yumenosakiacademy]

no discernable disorder tht changes the way one acts but an uncanny n v much different approach 2 things than most tht is often frowned upon or disliked but inexplainable.

[familyvideostevie]

a kind of hunger | chapter 1

joel miller x fem!reader

series masterlist

joel miller walks into your life just as it starts to fall apart. surely some hot nights with the bar's newest regular can't hurt, right?

length: 9.2k

warnings: 18+, mdni, smut, fem!reader, unspecified age gap, fingering, oral (m and f receiving), doggy style, missionary, slightly painful sex, dirty talk, size kink if you squint, joel is a liiiiiiiitle mean if you squint, general feelings of loneliness and angst from r in her free time

a/n: huge thank you to @strangerfreaks without whom this would never have gotten off the ground. also to all the joel writers on this site, i love you, i am in awe of you. please allow me to give it a go myself <3

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The first time you sleep with Joel Miller you know it won't be the last. 

But that's not where this story starts. 

It starts in a bar. Nothing special about it, really. Staffed half by college kids who come and go, half by drifters who, for some reason, stopped drifting once they found this dimly lit, sticky-floored hole in the wall. Not quite a local institution but not forgettable, never totally empty. It's got pool tables and a jukebox but also clean bathrooms aside from the graffiti and two new-ish TVs showing whatever the first guy who gets there wants to watch.

Point is, you work there. One of those drifters who stopped drifting. The guy who owns it, some crotchety old fuck called Bill, rents you the apartment above the bar for a decent price considering it's loud until 2am on the weekends and midnight all the other days. Loud enough that even on nights you don't work it feels like you're there anyway. But you get used to it. It's called Frank's, which you don't totally understand, but you're not about to ask questions of the guy who has finally allowed you to slow down and take a breath who is also your boss and landlord.

You've worked there long enough to have learned the names and orders of all the regulars who've been coming in since long before you walked through the door and to have seen some new regulars enter the rotation. In truth, you've worked there long enough to basically be running the place. It's still the bar in your head, not your bar because getting attached will do you no good. This is how it always goes: you care too much but it never seems like anyone cares back. You cut and run before you can be disappointed and you’ve already been here longer than you’d expected to be because it’s something close to comfortable. 

Almost no one messes with you despite being younger than most of the clientele and on the off chance some frat boy from the city decides to take a cheap shot you've got a small army of imposing customers on your side. Between them and your coworkers, it's almost like you're not alone. 

Almost.

The hours you spend away from the bar are spent alone. You don't have many numbers in your phone and the ones you do you don't call. You go on drives in the shitty truck you bought off some guy when you moved here. You browse used bookstores and suffer the heat of the day on long walks and wonder if this is all there is. You think of what it might be like to feel something other than rootless.

One thing that helps is…sex. Being close to someone for even a little while, letting yourself be seen in a way that doesn’t require you to totally show your hand. You try not to make a habit of actually fucking your clientele. It can get messy quickly, guys coming in and expecting more than a good pour. Being offended when you don't give them a free round, don't make eyes at them over the oiled wood. It's easier to be alone, that much you've learned. It's easier and it's simpler and it means you've only got yourself to blame for the hurt you sometimes feel laying in bed, staring at the ceiling as some rock song thrums up through the floor. 

And if you do fuck someone from the bar, you keep it simple. You do, however, try really hard not to sleep with regulars. And no staying over. A classic, unspoken rule of sleeping with strangers that you rarely verbalize but make sure to enforce every time. It keeps things neat. The last thing you need is mess. Who knows how long you'll stay in this town, in this little apartment and this shitty bar. You've got a lot of years left, a lot of years you should probably spend in classrooms or an office or falling in love with some nice guy with a nice family who can give you a nice life. 

But you're here. 

And then, one day, so is Joel.

Being a good bartender is memorization, paying attention, and keeping a level head. You know how to make pretty much any drink even though your regulars are mostly the simple beer or Jack and Coke kind of people. You swear you can tell when a glass is going to fall a second before it shatters, spot a punch before it can be thrown. So you notice when a man you've never seen before walks through the door.

You notice how the energy of the room changes, how multiple pairs of eyes follow him as he settles at the end of the half-full bar. Dark hair shot through with grey, green shirt rolled up over chorded forearms that he rests on the wood. It feels like you should know him but you don't. You've never seen him before.

You finish pouring beers for some giggly girls before making your way over to him. His eyes track you.

You wonder what he'll order. A shot, maybe, based on the tense line of his shoulders. Or a dark beer. Maybe something strong. You hope he won't be one of those guys you have to peel off the bar in a few hours. "Can I get you something?"

"Whiskey, rocks," he says. You can hear the Texas drawl even from so few words. Deep, low, measured. "Cheapest you got."

For some reason, it feels like he's returning and you're the new one. "Wanna start a tab?"

"I'll do cash at the end," he says. Ah, one of those. Guy getting away from his wife, maybe. Tough day at work. Doesn't want to leave tracks. You can relate to that.

"Joel fuckin’ Miller," one of your regulars says as you turn to grab a glass. He claps the man -- Joel -- on the shoulder. "Heard you were back up this way," he says. "Good to see you, man."

Joel simply inclines his head once like he's not thrilled to be recognized. The dismissal is clear. And, weirdest of all, it works. You've seen insults hurled between friends for less.

You set his drink down, the amber liquid sloshing around the ice. 

"Thanks," he mutters. The dismissal is...less clear, but you've got other customers to tend to. And Joel doesn't seem particularly chatty.

Your eyes return to him for the next hour or so but he never waves you over for another round. Heat trails up and down your spine and you have to tell yourself that he's not watching you. That would be too optimistic, right? At one point you take a bathroom break and when you're back he's gone, wrinkled bills stacked under the glass. Enough for his drink and a decent tip. 

Joel comes in three more times over the next month before you sleep with him. Each time he orders the same drink, leaves the same tip. He sits alone at the bar, occasionally saying hello when someone approaches but no one ever sits next to him. He's gruff but only ever polite to you, doesn't get impatient when it takes you a minute to get to him. 

And he's really something to look at. The tick in his jaw, the veins in his neck. His skin is tanned, dotted with small scars that must come from a lifetime of hard work. He wears a watch and jeans that hug his ass in an almost indecent way, a way that has you watching him when he's not on a stool. Sometimes you catch him smirking to himself when there's some shit going on at the bar, gossip or people being loud for no reason. You wonder what his laugh sounds like and scold yourself for it. No harm in looking but there's the possibility of harm in thinking too much. You know better.

The third time he comes in is a bad night. It's busy for some reason and everyone is a fucking asshole. You weren't even supposed to work tonight but one of the seasonal kids had banged on your door begging you to come help, promising you all the tips for tonight if you did. You knew it would make you look good to Bill and despite yourself, you didn’t want to leave them hanging, so here you are, sweaty and pissed and smelling like beer, doing your best to empty the dishwasher in between drink orders and praying the keg doesn't need changing. 

You don't even notice when Joel comes in, only spotting him once he's managed to scare some college kid from a seat at the bar. For some reason, his presence makes you a little calmer in the chaos. 

"Be with you in a sec, Joel," you say to him when you're near. You don't call him by his name since he never actually introduced himself to you but it slips out in the rush. His nostrils flare but you don't have time to linger on it even as you feel the hot weight of his gaze. 

"No rush."

You manage to get him what you know by now to be his usual only to be called over by your least favorite customer of the night as soon as he's thanked you. 

"Honey," the asshole says. This fucker's name is Seth and he's a pain in your ass. "Gimme another, will you? Make it a heavy pour." This would be his fifth and he's already slurring his words. 

"Don't think so," you tell him firmly. "I'm cutting you off for tonight, Seth." He's liable to start some shit or at the very least throw up on the floor and you don't want to deal with either. You don't have time to deal with either. 

His bloodshot eyes narrow and he slams a fist on the bar. You manage not to flinch, though pretty much everyone else does. "That's not good fucking service, sweetcheeks," he leers. 

"Good thing I don't give a fuck," you snap. "Get the fuck out of here before you do something you regret, sweetcheeks.” The venom in your tone seems to surprise him before sheer rage takes over. You've thrown out plenty of assholes in your time here but it's not always a smooth experience.

Seth leans forward over the bar, reaches for you -- to do what, you have no idea -- and you prepare yourself to yell for backup and then kick him out for good and maybe get a punch in as he goes. His fingers manage to hook in your shirtsleeve before a hand closes around his wrist.

Before Seth can scream he's got his outstretched arm behind his back, face twisted in pain. Behind him is --

Joel?

The bar is almost silent. You can hear a few whispers over the blood pumping in your ears. 

"I'd get out of here if I were you," Joel hisses. He glances at you, jaw tight and eyes narrowed. Are you okay? he seems to be asking. You nod. 

Seth whimpers. "Let me go," he says weakly. 

"Just gonna show you the door." Joel all but drags him through the parting crowd. 

"Jesus," someone says behind you. One of the seasonal kids. "You okay?"

"I'm taking my break." You leave the kid behind the bar to fend for himself and barrel into the back and through the side door into the alley where you always take your 15. It's one of those weird cold fall nights, just the wrong side of chilly to be here without a jacket but you left it in the bar office.

The milk carton you sit on has been turned over so you kick it back with a thud and slump down onto it. The light above the door flickers. "This shit is getting old," you say to no one. You kick aside cigarette butts that aren't yours and wonder how long you can do this. What would be next, anyway? You've got a laundry list of failed dreams and no one wondering if you're going to make something of yourself. Long nights at a bar you care about more than you should and rowdy customers and handsome men who barely say a word to you can't last forever, can it? Would anyone here even notice if you left?

The door flies open, startling you out of your thoughts. 

Joel steps into the alley. Somehow he manages to yet again look like he was meant to be here and you're the one who is out of place. You blink at him and he stares back like he wasn't sure he'd find you here.

"Got lost?" you ask. "Pretty sure you know where the front door is."

He lets the metal door swing shut and crosses his arms. "Was lookin' for you."

That catches you by surprise. "Why?"

Joel shrugs, a small lift of his shoulders. His expression doesn't budge. "Sorry for makin' trouble."

Oh, right. Seth. You wave him off. "Just another night," you say. "I'd have handled it." You stand from the crate and lean against the brick wall. It's true. Seth isn't the first asshole you've handled.

"I bet you would've," Joel mutters. He takes one step closer. You're reminded all at once how good-looking he is, how you've wondered what his hands would feel like on your skin. There's no way he's ever thought of you, right? You're just some girl who pours him drinks, too young and too forgettable. He was just having a man moment, wanting to save the day or some shit like that. 

"I don't have a cigarette or anything if you want to smoke," you say. This close he doesn't smell like tobacco but you don't know what else to say. "Sorry."

"So you just sit in alleys on your break for fun?"

"I like this alley," you say, suddenly a bit defensive. "It's a nice alley." You take a step towards him. He uncrosses his arms and his hands flex at his sides. You shiver. "No one bothers me out here."

Joel tilts his head to the side. "That so?" His eyes are dark under the dim light. When did he get so close? When did your face get so hot?

"Except guys who drink whiskey on the rocks, I guess," you say. It comes out much softer than you'd like, your voice cracking. The air doesn't have the same bite as it did seconds ago. Joel's expression hovers between something you recognize and something you don't, something you desperately want to figure out. "Good thing I don't mind." The adrenaline from the small altercation hasn't left and the swirl of emotions about your whole shitty life has you on edge, has you wanting to play with fire.

You're so close now that you can feel his breath on your face, feel the heat of him in the still night. Joel's eyes rake over your face, looking for something, something you try very hard to show him so that he might fucking do it, meet the want that is suddenly uncontrollable halfway, or at least tell you if he's not interested so you can --

Your name is a groan in his throat and then he's kissing you. His palm cups the back of your head as he presses you into the wall, his other hand firm on your hip, fingertips pressing into your skin through your shirt hard enough to bruise. He tastes like the whiskey you served him. You fist one hand in his collar and wind the other into his hair.

Joel controls the kiss but you give as good as you get. He licks into your mouth and you suck on his lower lip. His beard rubs against your face in a delicious burn and when you tug on his hair he makes a noise you must hear again. The brick behind you scrapes a bit but you hardly notice when he presses against you, slides a thigh between your legs and you feel him hard through his jeans. 

"S'not right, you lookin' so good yellin' at that asshole," he grumbles into your neck, teeth nipping at your pulse. You cant your hips and he hisses.

"Speak for yourself," you manage. "Always got your eyes on me, don't you?" It feels like a risk to call him on it. Control of the situation is slipping from your grasp, this man who you never thought would actually touch you now holding you in his arms, his lips on your skin. He pulls back from your neck and smirks, eyes dark. 

"'Spose I do." 

You can work with that. You surge forward to kiss him again and this time he lets you call the shots while still meeting your bruising caresses with his own.

"Joel." You tug on his hair.

He makes that noise again.

It might be five minutes, it might be an hour. You have no idea. All you know is you can still feel his cock through the denim and you're so turned on you might combust in this alley. Or at the very least let him fuck you in it.

"I don't close tonight," you pant. One of Joel's hands has worked its way into your back pocket and the other has rucked up your shirt to rest on your bare back. 

"What?" he growls.

"My shift. I'm off at 11." You tap his watch. He glances at it and sees it read 10:30. "Half hour. I live upstairs."

For a second you think he'll say no. Walk away with a nod of his head and out of your life forever. Wouldn't be the first, wouldn't be the last. You're already breaking one of your rules by even considering sleeping with him but there's just something about him. The way he looks at you, the way his hands feel on your skin. You want to know what he'll feel like inside you. Maybe you’re still in this town because you were waiting for him to walk through the door.

"Alright," he says. He clears his throat and releases you. You fuss with your hair and straighten your shirt and he adjusts himself in his jeans. "Half hour." His dark eyes narrow as he glances down the alley back towards the street. 

"Take a walk around the block or something," you tell him, swallowing the urge to laugh at him so handsome and disheveled from your hands. Never in a million years would you have predicted that tonight would go this way. "My door is on the other side of the building. I'll let you up."

The urge to flatten the damage your hands did to his hair is so overwhelming for a second that you step away from him towards the door. His eyes follow you, expression unreadable. How many nights would it take for you to know what he's thinking? Careful, you think, or you'll be tempted to find out. 

Joel watches you until you give him a little wave and slip back into the bar. The metal door clangs shut behind you and you lean against it, knees still wobbly. Is this actually happening? Are you really this overwhelmed by making out with some guy in an alley? You check the clock on the wall and curse. Your break ended ten minutes ago though since no one came looking for you it's probably no big deal. Being mostly in charge has its perks.

The bar is a little less crowded than when you left so you grab a rag and start wiping down the bar. Joel's seat is empty, his glass gone. 

"Oh, hey," the seasonal kid says. "That guy, uh, Joel? He said to make sure you get this." He pulls out Joel's usual tip from his apron and holds it out to you.

Considering you're planning to go upstairs and fuck him until you can't walk, you don't feel like taking his tip tonight. "It's yours," you say. "Thanks for handling everything while I was out back." The kid blinks at you but knows better than to refuse, pocketing the cash and going back to loading the dishwasher. 

You finish your shift. Your blood feels electric, your skin hot. Can anyone in this bar tell what happened in the alley? You haven't felt this way about a hookup in ages. Like you were wanted, not just convenient. It's just one night, right? Maybe he'll never come to the bar again, which makes your chest tighten for a second. Maybe you're about to ruin something you don't totally understand. But you haven't gotten this far in life by worrying about shit like that, so you clock out and wave goodbye and make your way to the other side of the building. 

Joel isn't there. You unlock the door to the stairwell so you can at least wait for him inside when you hear footsteps, the crunch of gravel under boots. You fist your key between your knuckles just in case but before you can turn around you hear your name in that Texas drawl. 

"Just me," he says. You don't know if Joel Miller is capable of looking nervous but this is probably close. He shifts from one foot to the other, hands in his pockets. A thrill runs up your spine. Are you really doing this? Are you really about to bring this man up to your apartment and hope to god he does whatever you want to you? 

"Come on up." Yes. Yes, you are. You give him a smile and he follows you up to the landing. 

"S'loud," he mutters once you shut the door. The bar's music wasn't that loud when you were in it and up here it's a dull hum, people's voices and laughter slipping through the cracks like a TV left on a little too high in the other room. These days it's background noise to you but you figure Joel lives in a house somewhere with lots of land and open windows and silence. He seems like the type to like silence. 

Jacket on the hook, shoes clumsily thrown on the mat, keys in the dish. Your normal routine except there’s a man in your living room, too. He looks around the space, hands still in his pockets. You try not to be self-conscious about your place. It's small, sure, the bedroom visible through the currently open French doors in the small living room. Your kitchen is tiny, bathroom tinier, but it's all yours. "You get used to it," you say. "I hardly mind it anymore."

"Didn't say I did," he says. You both stand there for a few moments before Joel takes two big steps and crowds you against the door, one hand on your hip and the other next to your head. "Means they won't hear us." You swallow a gasp as he drags his nose along the curve of your jaw, breath hot on your skin. You were going to ask him if you could shower first since you undoubtedly smell like sweat and beer but clearly, he doesn't mind. His tongue darts out and he sucks on your pulse point, your own hands clutching desperately at his shirt. If he moves you're sure you'll melt into a puddle on the floor. "Means you can be as loud as you want," he growls. "That sound good?"

Any breath remaining in your body rushes out and you jerk your hips to make contact with the hardness in his jeans. "Yeah," you gasp. You can feel something like a smile against your neck. "That sounds good."

It's a dynamic you don't mind stepping into -- whatever this is. Every second of your life you feel like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everyone around you to get tired. Your eyes are always on the exit, always wondering where you'll go next, what you'll leave behind this time. Even when you're fucking strangers you're always wondering how you'll get them to leave. You’re better off alone. But right here, right now, with Joel's heavy scent of sawdust and whiskey and something earthy, something grounding, in your nostrils, his hands and his mouth on you, nothing else matters. Your brain shuts off and you're just here.

You grab Joel's jaw and guide his lips back to yours. He allows it and you moan deep in your throat as he tongues back into your mouth, your own trying to give as good as you're getting. He pops the button on your jeans and you help him with frantic hands, shoving them down your hips along with your underwear so he can ghost his fingers through your coarse curls. He pulls back from the kiss to watch as he drags two fingers through your folds. Your eyes lock and he smirks as your lids flutter.

"Soaked," is all he says. You tip your head forward and rest your forehead on his shoulder.

"Don't be smug."

He huffs. "I ain't trying to sound like an asshole, but --"

"Already failed." He nips at your earlobe.

"Gotta work you open a bit, sweetheart," he says. His fingers circle your clit once, ever so slowly. Your grip on his bicep tightens and you wonder if you'll leave bruises. You hope so. "Gonna be a tight fit."

"Heard -- fuck -- that before," you gasp. Joel really fucking knows what he's doing. "I -- bed?"

"Smart girl," he says. You're pretty sure you get wetter. He pulls his fingers free but keeps a hold on your hip like he knows your knees are jelly. "Sit on the edge." 

You leave your jeans and underwear behind and make your way to the bed through the French doors, sitting heavily on the quilt, knees bent and leaning on your hands behind you. Before you can say another word, Joel lowers to his knees between yours. He pries them apart even further and runs his hands up and down your thighs. 

For a few seconds, you can't find the words. This man, older than you and impossibly handsome, face lined with years he's lived and hands callused with work he's done, this man that you hardly know anything about but can't get out of your mind, is on his knees before you.

"You gonna be okay down there?" is what you come up with.

"You always talk this much?" he mutters, though his mouth tugs up at the corner. Joel's forearms wrap around your legs and he tugs. You fall flat on your back in surprise and your ass almost hangs off the bed. He draws one of your legs over his shoulder and kneads the flesh of your thigh, eyes dark and jaw twitching as he spreads you open and just looks. "Might have to help me up but I think I'll be just fine."

"Joel --" 

The end of his name becomes a high-pitched moan when he leans in and buries his face in your cunt. He drags his tongue up and down through your folds, nose catching your clit in a way that makes you squirm. His beard scrapes against your skin deliciously, leaving a sting that you know you'll be able to see evidence of when he's done. He laps at you before finally taking your clit in his mouth and sucking like his life depends on it. It's only his hand on your outstretched thigh keeping you from suffocating him between your legs, though you're not sure he'd mind.

"Should be a crime," he says. You look down the length of your body at him. His chin is wet with you, eyes meeting yours when he feels your stare. "Cunt this pretty tastin' so good."

How do you reply to that?

He's back at it before you can even try. Joel gets messy with it, the sounds of his attention loud and filthy. He tells you how wet you are, how good you taste, and your eyes flutter shut again.

"How're we doing?" 

"Don't stop," you manage. "Just, don't stop--"

He prods your entrance with one finger. "Reckon you can take it, hmm? You're so wet it'll be easy." There's a bite to his tone, a sense of amusement mixed with awe like he can hardly believe it either. 

"Two," you gasp. "I can take two." You need two, in fact. His hands are one of the few parts of him you've been able to study and you know his fingers are long, much thicker than yours and you need them to fill you up, need them to stretch you out. You need something to clench around because right now you feel like you're on the edge of the pleasure building in your core and if you don't get a release soon you'll just…just…combust. 

Joel hums but you feel a second finger nudge into you. He slides them in and curls them as he goes. Your back arches off the bed.

"Dunno," he coos. "Pretty tight, sweetheart." The slight meanness to his words is in complete contrast with the gentle, attentive way he handles you. Who knew he'd be such a fucking tease.

"Well get to work, then." He scissors the digits inside of you in reply and returns to sucking on your clit. You reach down and bury your hand in his silver-streaked hair, tugging a bit harder than you intend to. Joel just moans into your cunt, the vibration making it feel like your very pelvis is rattling as he continues to fuck you with his fingers. 

Sweat beads on your brow as you try to hold on. He picks up the pace and presses into your walls with his fingertips like he's looking for something. His tongue wreaks havoc on the rest of you, sucking bruises into your inner thighs when he's not abusing your clit. If this is just the foreplay you don't know how you'll survive actually fucking him. And he hasn't even asked you to touch him, hasn't shown even a hint of expectation. He's doing this to get you ready but based on the blown state of his pupils he's enjoying it almost as much as you are. 

"Getting close?" he asks, breath ragged. Your skin is starting to feel deliciously raw from his beard and the hook in your belly is pulling tighter and tighter. 

"Yes -- fuck -- I'm close, Joel, keep --"

His hand moves faster than before and he latches back onto your clit. Your legs start to shake and you feel your orgasm coming, it's just right there, you just need him to --

His fingers find the spot he must have been looking for and your only warning is a sharp tug on his hair and then your back arches and you come all over his face. He fingers fucks you through it and you feel it as your walls clench around him, your mouth open in a high whine as your muscles finally relax and you flop back onto the bed. Joel keeps his face in your cunt, gently lapping at your release while avoiding your sensitive clit. You push his hair back from his face and try to get your breathing under control.

He manages to get up on his own with a grunt as you pant on the bed. "Okay?" he asks. "Lookin' a little tired." You show him your middle finger and he...laughs, lips shiny with your slick. So he can laugh. 

"Are you going to keep your clothes on?" you ask him. His eyes travel slowly over your bare bottom half, the redness of your thighs from his beard and the way your shirt has rucked up to the wire of your bra. 

"Nah." He sits heavily on the edge of the bed to take off his boots and socks. You want to ask him if you can undress him, slowly peel off his layers button by button and explore every inch of him but you won't be able to take it if he says no so you just watch. Already you know you'll be thinking about this night for a long fucking time. The way it seems like he cares about how you're feeling, how he wants to take his time with you, how he enjoys your pleasure. It's nice. It's...making you feel wanted.

His denim button-up is tossed on the floor and he stands, shirtless, to undo his belt. The forearms and small triangle at his throat that you've been treated with thus far when he sits at the bar in no way prepared you for the rest of him. Broad shoulders, thick, muscled arms from years of hard work. Graying chest hair that travels all the way down the slight softness of his belly and in a darker trail his jeans. Your mouth waters. 

"You're starin'," he says softly before unzipping his fly and pushing his jeans and boxers down in one motion. 

"Taste of your own medicine." The words come out with much less bite than you intended as his cock springs free. 

Well, he wasn't lying. He is big. You knew he would be based on what you felt through his pants, but seeing it is something else. 

You sit up and scoot to the end of the bed to be closer. Is he really going to fit? He's bigger than anyone you've fucked before, that's for sure. A ruddy color, a little darker than his tanned chest, the tip a little lighter and already leaking. A few veins run the length of him and the hair at the base of his shaft is clearly taken care of though a little wild and a shade of deep brown that hasn't grayed much yet. His balls hang heavy, one slightly bigger than the other. He twitches under your gaze. You look up at him and wait for him to call out your staring again but instead, he's just watching you, pupils blown. 

"You are...so beautiful," you breathe. He makes a dismissive noise but a flush travels up his chest and to his face. It's true. There's something about him that makes you think you could look every second for the rest of your life and not get enough.

"Should be sayin' that to you." He strokes himself once and you lick your lips. "You got a condom? Should be one in my pocket if you don't." Does he always carry one? Or did he hope to get lucky with you, just like you've been thinking about him?

"Bedside table drawer." He goes for it and you remember too late that the drawer has...other things in it, too. His eyebrows raise and he eyes your small collection of toys but says nothing, though his cock twitches again. If you asked, would he use them on you? He seems like the type to be into that. But right now you need him inside you so badly you might combust.

"Can I?" He pauses before handing the foil square to you. You take him in hand and stroke him from root to tip. He makes a noise low in his throat and you lean in to trace the vein along the bottom of his shaft with your tongue. His hips twitch forward just a bit like he's trying to keep control and failing. You know the feeling. He's warm and heavy on your tongue and the slightest bit salty. You kind of lose the plot for a second, thoughts of him fucking you fading with the desire to make him feel good like this, to blow him until he's moaning your name like you were moaning his.

Joel slides his fingers into your hair and you manage to take him about halfway before he tugs gently. "I'm not complainin'," he says, voice tight. "'Specially when you look so damn pretty like this. But I've been hard as a fuckin' rock for an hour and I ain't as young as I used to be, so..." He trails off.

You place a dainty kiss on his tip and pat his hip. "Another time," you say, realizing too late what you've implied, but Joel just smirks. You tear open the foil and slide the condom on as gingerly as you can but he still hisses your name like he's scolding you, that hand in your hair pulling once again just a little. You feel the arousal pooling in your gut, sticky between your thighs. 

He tugs on the collar of your shirt. "Off," he says. You're quick to obey, whipping it to a corner of your apartment along with your bra. Joel just looks for a second before reaching a calloused hand to palm one breast, thumb sliding over your nipple. "Look at you," he says, breathy, with a squeeze. "Christ."

"You gonna fuck me, Joel Miller?" You blink up at him. He swallows visibly, throat bobbing before that smirk is back. 

"Only ‘cause you asked so nicely." 

You scramble back up the bed on your hands and knees, leaning down on your elbows and presenting him with your bare cunt. "Cause I'm such a lady."

"That so?" he murmurs. He drags his fingers through your folds slowly, brows furrowed. You fist your hands in the sheets. "You want it like this?" he asks. He palms your hip, traces the curve of your ass and presses his fingertips into your skin. You wiggle at him a little. Most guys you hook up with want it like this. You don't mind being fucked from behind, don't mind being able to close your eyes with your face shoved in the sheets and just feel. God knows with a dick his size you'll be feeling it regardless of the position you're in. But part of you does want to look at Joel, to watch him, his expression, his handsome, rugged face. Feel his arms around you, feel the warmth of his breath on your lips as he fucks you. See what his eyes look like when he comes. But this is enough.

"Do I need to say please?"

The head of his cock presses against your entrance in reply. You crane your neck to see as much of him as you can. He's focused on your ass with a light frown, hands resting on your hips.

"Gonna go slow," he grumbles. His gaze meets yours. "For my benefit as much as yours."

Words don't come. You're breathless and dripping, desperate for him to just get on with it. 

"Joel, are you gonna just stand there --"

He slowly, torturously slowly, starts to slide into you. The stretch is immediate, has you face down in the sheets, eyes fluttering. Each inch of painful stretch fades quickly to throbbing pleasure, a fullness that has you keening. 

You press your hips back into him but his fingers grip tighter, holding you in place. "What did I say?" he grits out. 

"Feels so good, so big," you babble. There's nothing left in your brain, your body, but this. But Joel. You have to have all of him. "I can take it, I can take your cock, I --"

"Got quite the mouth on you, huh?" he says. He keeps pressing into you, filling you up inch by inch. "Okay?" he pants. "Look at me, tell me it feels good --"

You crane your neck again, tears gathering at the corner of your eyes and look at him. His own are lidded, mouth open in an "o" like he can hardly believe it himself. A flush runs down his chest and if you didn't know better you'd say he's trembling.

"Yes, I -- god, Joel, keep going, please --"

"Doin' good, sweetheart," he coos. His hand strokes up and down your spine. "Almost there. Almost takin' all of me."

He bottoms out and you see stars. You feel lips on your back, the warm puffs of his breath on your skin as he waits for you. It's a fine line between pain and pleasure and you're walking the tightrope but the stretch is delicious. You can feel every inch of him. Your heartbeat is loud in your ears and you shift your hips a little, loving it when Joel moans.

"Alright," you manage. "Move, please." His fingertips are back on your hips and give you a squeeze before he starts to drag his cock out of you. The tip of him catches the spot inside of you that makes your back arch as he pulls out and then again when he thrusts in. 

"All that work, my fingers and my tongue and you're still so fuckin' tight. Christ."

The only thing you manage to say is a litany of his name.

"Lemme hear it, baby," he grinds out. Baby. "Be so loud those fuckers downstairs hear you--"

You meet his thrusts as best you can and even though it feels so good, even though you're so full, it's not bringing you to the edge like you need. Your neck is starting to hurt from the way you're twisting to see him, your fingers gripping the sheets as hard as you can because you want to be touching him instead. But this is good, this works, maybe if you touch your clit, you'll --

You reach between your legs and Joel pulls out. You get off your elbows and turn around, almost gasping at the loss of him. "Is something wrong?"

He's frowning at you. "Should be askin' you that."

You don't know what to say. Your cunt throbs a little from being empty, the ache settling in now that he's not there to literally fuck it away. "What?"

"You stopped makin' those noises," he says softly. “The ones you were makin’ before.” You turn around and sit facing him, suddenly a little self-conscious. "Ain't gonna fuck you in a position you don't like."

"I --" You try to fight through the haze of your brain for words. "I liked it fine."

Joel waits. He just stands there at the edge of the bed and waits. 

"Maybe..." you try again. "Would on my back be okay for you?"

His eyebrows raise like he can't believe you'd think otherwise. "That'll work for me," he says slowly. "Grab a pillow." You shift back on the bed as he kneels on it, positioning himself between your legs. You hand him one of your pillows and he taps your hip. "Up." You obey and he slides it under you so your lower half is lifted a bit before he presses one leg to the side, spreading you open. He slowly bends the other so that your thigh is pressed against your torso in a deep stretch without being painful. You feel bare, exposed in a way he somehow hasn't yet achieved. 

Joel fixes his gaze on your face. "Let's try that." He strokes himself once and then leans over you, bracing himself on one hand near your head. He lines up to press his cock into you again. Faster than last time, you wince a little but you dig your fingertips into his back to tell him to keep going. He bottoms out and you immediately feel the difference, eyes fluttering shut. Before it was like he was plowing into you, like you were so full you could hardly handle it. But like this it's like he's melting into you, like there is no space between you anymore. You're full but it's not so harsh. You don’t know where you end and he begins.

"That better?" he croaks. You force yourself to look at him and find his face closer, closer than you thought he'd get, breath warm on your face. His forehead is beaded with sweat and his eyes search your face. This close you can see they’re grey, the lines at the corners deep with strain. Even like this, stuffed full of his cock, you could look at him all day.

"Move, Joel," you tell him. He takes that for a yes and starts at a punishing pace. You have no idea how he's kept it together this long, considering you've felt on the edge of another orgasm this entire time. You anchor your arms on his shoulders as his thrusts make you see stars. 

"Ask for what you want, you hear me?" His balls smack loudly against you and he presses his lips to your ear. "You ask and I'll do my damn best."

You don't know what it is -- the overwhelming sensation of his cock dragging in and out at this angle, how close he is, his words -- but you feel tears at the corners of your eyes again. You nod frantically, hands grasping for purchase on his back. 

"C'mon," Joel says. "Gotta use that mouth, sweetheart."

"Yes," you pant. "Yes, yes, Joel, yes --"

"Fuckin' perfect for me," he moans. His lips trail up your cheek, tongue catching your tears before he presses them to yours in a messy kiss that's more teeth and breath than anything else. 

"Joel, Joel, Joel --"

"Gonna come for me? Gonna soak my cock like you did my face?"

Your orgasm comes like the snap of a rubber band. You hold him as tight as you can as it washes through you, the waves almost painful as he keeps fucking you fast and hard, your name a series of broken sounds from his mouth until his hips stutter and he groans deep in his chest. You try to keep your eyes on him as you come down from your high and are rewarded with the scrunch of his brow and the slight part of his lips as he comes. Beautiful, you think. 

The room is all of sudden much quieter without the sounds of your fucking. It's just the dull sounds of Frank's through the floor and your combined panting as he pulls out of you and flops on the bed beside you. You wince this time, the soreness really settling in. Joel finds your hand and kisses the back of it in a move so unexpectedly tender you can't look at him, raw as you are already. The bed shifts and you figure he's throwing out the condom. 

"You okay?" he says. You open your eyes and find him standing at the edge, looking at you. He's holding your robe from the bathroom. You stretch and let him look. 

"Yeah," you reply. You give him a smile as you scoot to the edge and wrap yourself in it when he holds it out. "Thank you." Joel grunts. 

You go to the bathroom yourself to pee and see the damage. Hair a mess, your mascara gathered around your eyes like you've been working hard. You've got hickies forming on your neck and chest, the skin rubbed a bit raw from his beard around your mouth. You love how you look right now. 

You look like you got fucked well. And you did. 

But now you want a shower and a snack and to go to bed. 

You half expect Joel to be gone when you go back into the bedroom. You remember belatedly that you don't let hookups stay the night. Will he leave if you ask him to? If he's already left then you don't need to worry about it. A small part of you worries you won’t ask him to go.

Instead, he's sitting on the edge of your bed putting his boots on. His shirt is unbuttoned but other than that he's dressed. He looks up briefly. His own hair is going in a thousand different directions and if this wasn't a one-night stand you'd fix it for him, a hand pushing it back like you did when he was between your thighs. But things are different outside the heat of the moment. 

"You want some water or anything?" you ask instead.

He shakes his head and finishes his boot, stands and buttons his shirt. "Nah," he says. "Should just head out."

You wonder belatedly if there's anyone at home missing him. Maybe he's got a wife. Maybe he's got a life that he's running away from and into your arms. 

"Bar'll be closed by now, or as good as," you say. You spy his jacket by the door and bend to pick it up. "No one'll see you."

Joel's face does something funny that you don't quite know how to read. He takes his jacket from you and shrugs it on. "Alright," he says. 

He looks awkward in a way you didn't know he could so you throw him a line. "Thanks," you say. For fucking me. For listening to me. For making me feel good. "It was fun. See you around?"

His expression softens. He steps close and gently holds your chin with his thumb and forefinger before kissing you once, firmly but chastely compared to what you were doing before. 

"See you around," he says. And then he opens the door and disappears down the stairs. 

You hear the outer door close and only then do you let out a breath. Your entire body feels like you just spent hours at the gym. But your mind? It's going a thousand miles an hour. You don't know what to think about first -- how Joel looked, how he spoke to you, how his hands felt. How he implored you to ask for what you wanted, how he made you feel good because it made him feel good. How you desperately, desperately want to see him again, to know him in every possible way. How you want him to walk back up the stairs and hold you until you fall asleep.

And that's not how you expected to feel. It's not how you should feel after a one-night stand with a guy you serve a few times a week at your place of employment. Like he saw right to the core of you, like he gave you something you didn't know you needed. 

You need to get a hold of yourself. This is how it starts -- this is how you get hurt. You care. Well, you always care, but no one has to know that. You let someone care about you. Not that Joel does, but he could. 

But isn't that the one thing you want most of all? 

You sleep in the next day. There's not much that needs to be done at Frank's besides bookkeeping and inventory which doesn't take you long. When you finally make it downstairs, three Advil popped to ease the soreness of your entire body, you're surprised to find Bill himself sitting at the bar. 

He looks just as you remember, hair a little longer and a little grayer. Shit kickers and jeans, a hunting jacket and trucker hat. You'll bet his actual truck is parked around back where no one from the road can see it. 

"Uh, hi?" Bill hasn't come around for at least a year, which is making your stomach sink a little. The last time was when there was a fire because some dumbass tried to smoke inside and he wanted to make sure you weren't going to quit on him for having to throw water on the nasty curtains. 

"Heard about Seth," he says. Always right to the point, this guy. He's drinking what looks to be Coke with a lemon. "Sit." You do as he says. So much for bookkeeping.

"Yep," you say. You have no idea where he heard it and know better than to ask. "No big deal."

"I want to retire."

What? "Do you...work here?" Bill appreciates honesty and he's the kind of asshole that respects you if you're an asshole back. 

"No," he says. "But I own the fuckin' dump. And me and Frank want to retire."

"There's a Frank?"

"My partner, dumbass. Keep up."

You were already groggy and still muddled from last night but this is forcing you to bring everything into sharp focus. Bill wants to retire. Which means he wants to...

"So my options are to sell this dump or find someone to take it."

If he sells the bar you're shit out of luck. No way another owner would let you live upstairs the way you do for next to nothing and let you work here and run the show. This is...a lot to take in.

"Are you listening to me?" Bill says. You blink a few times. 

"No," you admit. "Can you say that again?"

He sighs. "Do you want it?"

"The bar?" you ask incredulously. 

"No, idiot, the dumpster out back. Yes, the bar." He raps his knuckles on the bar top. "You could keep everything the same. It's just paperwork, really. I'll just give it to you. God knows a young person like you could make it nicer, turn a better profit." He says it like it's an insult. 

"Are you fucking serious?" This goes against most every rule you've had for yourself for the last who knows how long. Don't get attached, keep moving. No one really needs you so you can disappear whenever. You haven't gotten bored yet, haven't gotten restless, but you know it'll happen. There's no way you can do this forever. But owning a bar? That would make you stay. You'd have no out. You’d have to let yourself be seen, let yourself be needed. You’d have to commit. You’d have to not fuck it up.

"Why not?" he shrugs. "I know you said it was temporary back when you moved in, but you practically run it."

He's right. Everything is temporary for you. But would sticking around be so bad? Would trying to actually make a life for yourself, have a home base, a thing you care about be the end of the world? And then there's Joel...No. Not going there. 

"I..."

"Either you take it or I shut it down." Bill gets off his stool and looks around. "No one cares enough about it to try to sell it."

"Then why me?"

"Do you care about it?" he asks. His piercing stare pins you to your stool, compels you to be honest with him where you're rarely honest with yourself. 

"Yeah," you say. "I do."

"Then there's you're fuckin' answer. I know you do. You clean the shit out of this place and train the seasonal dipshits and learn the names of the fuckin’ drunks and live upstairs and make this a good place for good people to come. You think no one notices, but I notice. We all notice." It's possibly the most words Bill has ever said to you in a row. 

"Can I...think about it?"

He shrugs. "Sure," he says. "Not too long, though. Gotta decide by the end of the year. Maybe earlier."

That gives you three months, give or take. To figure out what the fuck you're going to do.

With one conversation Bill has shattered your entire life here. Now there’s actually a timer on it, this little piece you’ve carved out and started to enjoy. Could you make it a real thing? Could you finally admit to yourself that this is what you want – to be wanted? To be needed? To have something that’s yours?

The bar door shuts and you realize Bill has left you alone with your thoughts. You shift in your stool and a wave of soreness rolls through you from your core. 

You thunk your forehead on the bar. “Fuck me,” you say to the empty room. 

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback!

[buckybabesonly]

Dirty Little Confession

Summary: Part 2 to Dirty Little Secret, can be read as a stand-alone. You and Bucky start dating, and during your first time, he tells you exactly how he used to fantasize about you.

Pairing: Bucky x Female!IReader

Genre: Smut / PWP

Warnings: Use of pet names (princess), dirty talk, size kink (kinda), Bucky being nastehhh and telling you exactly what he wants to do to you, first time having sex with Bucky, unprotected sex

Word count: 2.6k

A/N: You guys asked for it 👀 Also sorry but just could not for the life of me find an appropriate saucy gif for this one so enjoy a generic long-haired Bucky gif cos he still be adorable. And I just hit 1,000 followers today! Thank you!

You giggled as your back hit the mattress, bouncing slightly as Bucky crawled over your body, relentlessly kissing your mouth, your neck.

Nervousness laced the sound of your laughter - your heart was beating rapidly, blood rushing to your face as you tried to catch your breath.

“You okay?” Bucky murmured against your skin, pulling back slightly to study your face. His body was so warm, comforting like a heavy blanket.

“Yeah,” you said, nodding. “Just - just nervous.”

He gave you a reassuring smile, pecking the tip of your nose.

“Don’t be. I’ll take care of you.”

His words made you shiver in anticipation, a small moan escaping your lips when he placed a knee between your thighs to separate your legs, his mouth reattaching itself to your neck and down to your collarbone.

He wanted to worship every inch of your skin, now that he finally had you in front of him.

“I used to think you didn’t even know I existed,” you said suddenly, your fingers threading through Bucky’s soft brunette tresses. It felt like a daze, having him on top of you, caressing you.

He chuckled, looking at you once more. “Believe me, I knew.”

“Mmm-hmm.” As you suspected, your crush on him hadn't exactly been subtle, and he probably noticed the way you ogled him all the time.

“I used to think about you all the time, too.” He nibbled your ear lobe gently, his voice deepening. “Used to get myself off every night imagining what I’d do to you.” His right hand slipped under your shirt, pulling down the cups of your bra and massaging your breast, making you gasp.

If you weren’t riled up before, you definitely were now. You groaned at his words as he slowly began to grind his clothed crotch against yours, all whilst continuing his ministrations on your breasts. You could feel how hard his cock was through his jeans, and you wanted nothing more than to rip off your clothes and have him inside you right now.

“Did you really?” you asked, wanting - no, needing him to tell you more.

“Yes,” he growled. “How could I not? Seeing you every day, looking at me with those eyes. Took me a long time to get the courage to ask you out, though.”

“You can say that again,” you joked, trying to maintain your focus as Bucky continued sucking and licking your neck in between his words.

“I was nervous,” he smirked. “Imagine that.”

“So what did you do?” you promoted, feeling your core burning with need. “What did you think about?”

Bucky smiled to himself, understanding exactly what effect his words were having on you and your body.

“Sometimes, I’d think about bending you over at your desk,” he began, sitting back on his haunches to peel off his shirt, his muscles flexing. Your hand lifted reflexively to touch his abdomen, marveling at the chiseled muscle. “I’d lift up your skirt, tear a hole in your pantyhose, take you right there and then.”

He lifted your torso up off his bed, holding you against him so he could hook his fingers under your shirt and lift it off, revealing yourself to him.

"Other times, I'd think about fucking you in the shower. I'd have you pressed up against the tiles, legs around my waist, and I'd have you bouncing up and down on my cock."

He loved the way you looked in your simple black bra, but liked you more without it, unhooking it deftly with a snap of his fingers.

"I'd think about having you on your knees, my cock in your mouth, you'd be gagging for me. I'd cum all over you pretty face."

The way he undressed you piece by piece, like unwrapping a gift, left you feeling a tad impatient. His dirty narrations was making you soak through your panties.

“Bucky,” you whined in minor complaint as he tossed your bra aside, pushing you back down so he could latch his mouth onto your left nipple. His tongue swirled around, licking and flicking it. He swapped to your right breast to give it the same treatment, capturing your nipple gently between his teeth and pulling.

“You moaned exactly like that in my fantasies,” he marveled, feeling his cock straining. But he wanted to make this last, savor his first time with you. “My dirty little princess.”

The lewd nickname made your folds even slicker, and you lifted your hips to buck against his, wanting him to give you something, anything.

His hands moved down to remove your jeans and panties at the same time, and you eagerly shimmied your hips to help him. Once your clothes were discarded to the side, he unclasped his belt, the sound making you salivate in anticipation. He slowly, slowly pulled his belt through the loops of his jeans, making a show of it, relishing how you eyed his crotch.

"Next time, I'll tie you up with this," he said casually, weaving the leather through his fingers, "but not tonight." He discarded the belt and shed the rest of his clothes, giving you the view you had been waiting for.

You were both silent as you looked at each others naked bodies for the first time. When you imagined this moment, you thought you would self-conscious and exposed, but the way his gaze roved over your body made you feel reassured. Loved. He looked at you almost in awe, his tongue pushing the inside of his cheek as if he was decided which part to devour first.

Your eyes became fixated on his huge appendage, slightly curving up towards his stomach, tracing the veins that ran along its length. The head of his cock was red and throbbing, aching to be put inside you. You were somewhat shocked - and intimidated - at its size, but you just knew how good it would feel sheathed inside your cunt.

A ravenous look appeared as his eyes drifted, first across your face, then to your breasts, then your cunt, presented to him in all its wet glory. God, finally.

“I’ve imagined this so many times,” he said lowly, his tongue wetting his lips. “So. Many. Times.”

You reached down between your legs, for his cock. He thought he would stop breathing when your soft hand wrapped around his girth, hesitantly at first, then with more confidence. Your grip tightened as you stroked him, thumb lightly sweeping over the top of his dick, admiring its thickness and weight.

“Fuck,” he hissed, head falling back. He couldn’t wait any longer, hand reaching out blindly to find the condom he had placed on his bedside table earlier.

“No,” you said suddenly, making his eyes snap open. “No condom.”

He froze, feeling his arousal grow all the more but needing to know that you were certain.

“Are you sure?” His voice was gentle. “I don’t mind using one, princess.”

“I want you inside me,” you said desperately. “Bare. I want to feel you. Please?" You added at the end, peeking up at him through your lashes shyly.

Now you had said that, there was no holding back.

A near animalistic sound released from the depths of Bucky’s chest as he lined himself up with your entrance.

“Thought about this moment so many times,” he grunted. “Thought about how you would whine like a kitten whilst I fucked you with this cock. Think you can take all of it?”

The size of his dick made your pussy clench. Whilst he might not have been the longest that you had (although he was getting there), he was definitely the thickest, and you could only imagine how it would feel.

“I’m not sure,” you confessed, your nerves revealing yourself to him once more. His face softened as he brushed his thumb against your cheek, moving down to cup your chin.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go slow,” he said. “You ready?”

You nodded frantically. “Need you. You have no idea.”

He chuckled, the sound like honey. “Princess, I’ve not had sex since the 40’s,” you scoffed, but your face fell when you realised he was being serious, “you have no idea how much I’m holding back right now.”

“What?” you blurted out in shock, nerves rising again. “What if it’s not as good as you remember?” It was a dumb thing to say, but you didn't want to disappoint him. First time having sex in over 70 years was a long time.

“Trust me. This will be worth the wait.”

You felt the tip of his cock prod you, and you kept your eyes fixed on his beautiful blue ones when he breached your entrance, his mouth parting slightly. He was monitoring your expression for any sign of discomfort as he slowly entered you, stretching you open.

You could feel your walls struggling to accommodate him, and you forced yourself to breathe slowly and relax, delighted when your core gradually began to swallow him up.

“Ah - fuck,” you cursed, one hand reaching up to press lightly against his chest, startling him as you rarely swore. The stretch was delicious, the pleasure beyond anything you could have imagined. God, you had barely even started and he was making you so needy.

“You okay?” He stopped his movements, making you grab onto his shoulders with both hands instead.

“Yes, yes, yes,” you panted, nodding. “All the way. Put it all the way inside, now.”

He smirked, the corners of his mouth twitching as he thrust the rest of the way inside you, making you release a guttural sound of pleasure.

“You like that?” He asked. “Tell me how much you like it.”

“So - so big, Bucky,” you gasped breathlessly, “so huge.”

He propped himself above you, and you could see his arms slightly shaking as they braced themselves on either side of your head. He was holding back.

“You can move,” you reassured him. “Just fuck me.”

"Your wish is my command," he grunted, and he began to move.

The thrust and slide of his dick inside your pussy made you both moan simultaneously. The feeling was electric, and you swore you could feel every vein of his cock as it dragged along your walls, filling every available space, probing your depths.

He began moving at a steady pace, fucking you with vigor, his eyes watching how your breasts bounced with every movement, how you closed your eyes blissfully and kept your mouth open to release a steady aah - aah - aah - aah with every snap of his hips.

"It feels so good, please don't stop," you garbled almost incoherently.

He couldn't believe how tight and warm you were around his cock, massaging him, threatening to tease an early release from him. You felt so good, and he sat back on his heels once more, hands on your waist to pull you down onto his cock, slamming into you harder.

"Oh God, Bucky."

The way you said his name made him even harder, if that was possible.

"Fuck, princess," he managed to spit out as he fucked you harder, fingers digging into your supple flesh as he drove his cock into your aching cunt. "Imagined this so many times. Touched myself all the time thinking about how I was gonna ruin your pussy. Now I finally got you here, and you're so tight and hot around my cock. You're taking it all so well."

He lifted your legs suddenly and placed them on top of his shoulders, allowing him deeper access into you. You were practically bent in half as he leaned forward, drilling his dick into you. In this position, he was able to kiss you, and his tongue licked into your mouth, hungry and desperate. He didn't even want to give you time to breathe, desperate to taste you on his tongue.

You were trembling as he continued fucking you relentlessly, the pleasure building up in your center in waves, reaching the crescendo.

"More, Bucky, I need more," you begged, holding onto his biceps, nails dragging along his skin.

You squealed when he flipped your positions without warning, moving with the grace of a cat, rolling onto his back and pulling you so that you were on top. He raised you easily back up and onto his cock like you weighed nothing, and continued to lift you up-down, up-down on his cock.

"That enough for you?" he asked, a seductive arrogance soaking his voice.

You were not composed enough to respond as you tried to hold onto his forearms for balance all the why he continued to move you on top of his dick like a doll, his face contorting in pleasure.

"Feels - so good," he exclaimed, his voice gravelly like he was struggling to voice exactly just how good it felt. "I'm gonna cum."

You could feel yourself reaching the peak already, sweat glistening against your skin as you panted and moaned, your hands lifting to your own breasts to squeeze and play with them.

The sight of you, moving like a jackrabbit on his cock, hands cupping your own tits, was a sight that sent him over the edge. He quickly lifted you off his cock, his hand grabbing his slick length and stroking him through his orgasm as he shot his seed all over your belly, high enough to almost paint your face, his groans loud and clear as he sent his creamy cum all over your torso.

You mourned the loss of his dick inside you, wishing secretly that he had cum inside, but didn't have time to voice your complaint when he laid you on your back once more.

"What are you doing?" you asked breathlessly as his chest heaved, his cock still semi-hard.

"Admiring the artwork," he murmured, giving you that god damn smirk again before his face disappeared between your legs.

You held onto his hair, nails scratching his scalp as his tongue delved past your folds, licking your combined juices, flicking your clit playfully as you struggling to hold back your screams.

"You taste good, princess," he complimented briefly before continuing to eat you out, the muscle in his mouth working on you expertly, dragging your orgasm out.

"I'm nearly there," you whined, and he kept up a consistent pace, doing his utmost to pleasure you as you felt your high approaching. "Oh, don't stop Buck, keep going, keep going - OH!"

Your orgasm reached the top and spilled over, making you convulse with pleasure as Bucky grabbed your thighs to keep your legs apart, his tongue lapping at every part of your pussy he could access, making you writhe uncontrollably.

The aftershocks it ran through your whole body, literal tears springing to your eyes at the pure ecstasy of it. The feeling was blinding white, addictive.

"That feel good, princess?"

He took your gasping as a definite yes, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he covered your body with his once more, kissing your swollen lips yet again.

"That was amazing," you said eventually, your breathing loud and blood gushing in your ears as you tried to focus your vision. The orgasm had been unlike anything you had ever felt before, like you had lost total control of yourself, but it was exhilarating.

"You were amazing," he said, sucking your skin delicately, his hands roving as if he just couldn't get enough of you.

You giggled when he pulled the covers over the two of you, wrapping you up in his arms, continuing his whispers of what else he was going to do to you.

"Hey, I was just looking at this report and - holy shit, is that a hickey?"

"Nat!"

[starstruckmiraclekitty]

a moment of sadness and sweetness in one bottle. What to do if there was a quarrel between the characters and Y / N on stupid grounds, for example, they misunderstood each other, or maybe someone didn’t buy something that he had been asked for a long time in the store, or said something unpleasant, although it might not even be addressed to the second. Someone will be very offended, and the second will try to correct the current situation. In general, everyday moments, with an exceptionally good ending!

Yess! Happy to do this one, love me a bit of angst/fluff🙃 thanks for the request! Hope this was okay for you!

141 + König Having A Small "Fight" With GN! Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, crying, bickering, mentions of depression and self conciousness ‐‐ends in fluff!!

Simon Ghost Riley-

Simon was in a dreadful mood. He and the team had just gotten home from a mission that didn't go well for any of them. He wanted nothing more than peace and quiet and to lay in bed for the remainder of the day.

He walked into your shared some and was immediately hit with the smell of his favorite food cooking in the kitchen, and gave a heavy sigh. He tried to muster a decent enough mood for you, as it was clear you were just trying to make him feel better.

He walked in and found you dancing around the kitchen, putting the final touches on dinner. "I'm home, Y/N."

You turned to him with a bright smile. "Hey! Dinner is almost ready. I'm not sure if you were hungry or not."

You walked over to him and embraced hom tightly. Simon stood stiff, not returning the sentiment, causing you to pull away immediately.

"If it's alright, I'll eat it in the bedroom." Simon said, his eyes leaving yours to look at the floor.

"Oh, that's fine." Your smile fell ever so slightly. "Is there anything else I can do to help?"

"No. I just want to be alone." He mumbled, tapping his fingers on the table.

You nodded meekly and went to prep his plate, handing it to him nervously. "I hope you like, I spent all afternoon prepping it."

"I'm sure it's fine, Y/N. It's just food. Can I go now?" Simon instantly regretted the tone of his voice but couldn't bring himself to reflect on it. He had too much swirling on his mind already.

You swallowed thickly and nodded at him, watching him make his way to your shared room, slamming the door behind him.

You knew when getting into a relationship with him that there would be days like this. He went through so much in his personal life, and his job was far from easy. He'd been gone for nearly 3 months, and you missed him terribly, wanting nothing more than to embrace your boyfriend when he got home.

He told you it was a rough mission, so you thought surprising him with his favorite home cooked meal might help him decompress. You'd had the whole night planned out to take care of him, and now here you were eating alone.

You felt tears fall down your cheeks and stared at your food, your appetite now gone.

~

Later that night, as you were unsure if you could approach him, you'd decided to sleep on the couch.

Simon had come out a few hours after you'd fallen asleep, wondering why you hadn't come to bed, and his heart shattered when he saw you.

He walked over to your sleeping form and crouched down beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Y/N, sweetheart."

Your eyes blinked open and looked up at him. Even in the dark Simon could tell you had been crying, and he felt horrible. "Simon?"

"Come to bed, love."

You shook your head, a sad smile forming on your lips. "It's okay. You wanted to be alone."

Simon placed his hands on either side of your face gently. "Just for a little while was all. I didn't want to take my shitty mood out on you. I should've gone about it a different way, though. The food was incredible, I'm sorry I made your hard work seem like it wasn't worth it."

You nodded slowly and moved to sit up. "Im sorry for my part. I knew you had a hard mission, and I let myself take it personally."

"Bugger off with that. C'mere." He pulled you into his arms, carrying you bridal style to your shared room. He laid you carefully on the bed, and slipped into the covers behind you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist.

"I love you, Y/N. Thank you for being you." He declared quietly as he pressed a kiss to your hair. "I don't know what I'd do without you in this world."

König-

"Maus, are you almost ready to go? Our reservation is in 20 minutes!" You heard your boyfriend's voice call from outside your room.

"Y-Yeah. I'll be out in a minute." You replied, staring at your reflection in your mirror. You'd spent the last 30 minutes applying makeup and weren't happy with the end result. You kept reapplying various products, and nothing seemed to be making it better.

König made his way into the room after a few moments to see what the holdup was. "You ready?"

"I'm just trying to make this look good. It's not looking the way I want it." You huffed in frustration.

"You spend so much time getting ready. It's not going to help your self esteem throwing all that stuff on your face, Maus."

"...what?" You turned to him, not knowing if you heard him correctly. He knew of your self-esteem issues, and you were surprised he threw it in your face.

"I said you don't need that crap on your face. It won't help you feel better." He said, his eyebrows bunching together in confusion. Was he saying something wrong? He truly felt you didn't need it.

You turned your head away from him as you felt hot tears beginning to fall down your cheeks. "Oh."

König heard your voice break and immediately panicked. "Maus, are you okay?"

You nodded your head and made your way to the bathroom, grabbing a makeup wipe. You began to aggressively wipe away the makeup on your face as your tears continued to fall.

König followed behind you silently, and his heart shattered upon seeing your tear stained reflection in the mirror. "Maus... tell me what's wrong."

You whipped your head in his direction, fully sobbing now. "I feel so ugly König. Makeup is the only thing that helps me with my self-esteem, and you...you made it seem like it was stupid."

König felt horrible. He truly didn't think much of his words. He thought you were truly beautiful inside and out and didn't need something as trivial as makeup. You were already so beautiful without it.

"Schatz, no, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant to say you don't need it. You're so pretty without it. I don't know why you don't see yourself the way that I do. You are so stunning, I wish you could see that. I promise you I did not mean to belittle how you felt, sweeheart." He slowly approached you and gently started to wipe away your tears. "I love you so much, please don't be upset."

You cried harder at his words, and König almost lost it himself. He was about to speak up himself when you threw your arms around his midsection and buried your face in his chest. "I'm sorry, Kö."

"What on earth do you have to be sorry for?" He asked, bewildered.

"I just.. I feel like I'm not good-looking enough, so I turn to makeup." You mumbled in his chest.

He pulled your face away gently. "Y/N. Remember when we first started dating? I felt horrible about myself and my scars. It's one of the reasons I always wore my hood. Until you. You made me feel good and happy within my own skin. Please, love, let me help you."

You gave him a smile and pressed your lips to his. "I love you so much, Kö. Thank you."

König returned his arms around your waist giving you a tight hug. "I'm always here, Maus. And you are the most beautiful thing in the world to me."

Kyle Gaz Garrick-

You and Kyle were sitting on the couch as you played one of the video games he'd been addicted to lately. You wanted to show more interest in the games he liked, and were delighted when he gave you the controller.

You were coming up on a boss fight, and assured Kyle you were okay to win it. "I promise Ky, I got this."

"I'll lose all my items if you don't, it took me forever to get it. Please be careful." He said, watching you play with worry.

You nearly defeated the boss, when you all of a sudden forgot to duck and were struck with a killing blow.

"Ugh, I'm sorry, I almost had him." You chuckled, turning to see your boyfriend staring at you with an angry look on his face.

"Sorry? I've been at this for hours, and you just let my character get killed, I lost all of my items Y/N!" Kyle's voice rose, causing you to flinch slightly.

"I said I was sorry, I feel bad. I just wanted to try this game out since you love it so much. I didn't mean for this to happen." You mumbled quietly, shifting your eyes away from his.

"This is the last time I let you play any of my games. You ruin everything." He said through gritted teeth. "Now I've got to go back and fix all this no thanks to you."

Your bottom lip trembled slightly as you stood and ran to your bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind you. You honestly hadn't meant for it to happen. You were just trying to show interest in a game he loved.

~

It was about an hour later when Kyle came into your room, his heart hurting at the sound of your muffled sobs. "Babe?"

You didn't reply, as you kept your head buried in your pillows. He came over to you, and sat beside you on the bed, rubbing your back soothingly. "I'm sorry. I was an absolute ass. You were trying to show interest which I so appriciate, and I just threw it back in your face. I'm so, so sorry baby."

Kyle bent down and began to pepper light kisses all over your face, making you giggle. "What do you say we go and play Mario kart? I may even let you win a match."

"What? Ky you know I whoop your ass at that game." You giggled, wiping your tears away.

"That's a load of rubbish and you know it. Loser makes dessert?" He asked, a wide smile forming on his face.

"You're on, Garrick."

Johnny Soap MacTavish-

You'd just gotten home from a shopping trip on your own, and were unloading the bags in the kitchen when your boyfriend Johnny walked in.

"Hey babe, thanks for going." He pressed a kiss to your cheek as he started to help you unload the bags.

"Y/N, where's the hair razor?" Johnny asked, tearing through the shopping bags.

"Oh, crap I forgot it, I knew there was something I was missing. I'll get it next trip!"

"You forgot it? I've been asking you nonstop about it and put it on the list like you asked me to! I shouldn't have to wait until next trip!"

"Okay, okay, im sorry."

"You probably forgot because you were too busy wasting our money on shit we don't need, instead of focusing on the stuff we do."

You swallowed thickly, as his words hit you like a thousand bricks. "Okay."

Johnny threw his hands up in frustration and walked outside to the porch, slamming the door behind him.

You grabbed your keys on the table and made your way to your car.

~

"Where've you been? I came back inside, and you were gone and didn't pick up your cell."

"Went back to the store, here." You said, shoving the razor box into your boyfriend's hands. "Sorry again."

You threw your purse down onto the table and started to make your way to your room before a hand came out and grabbed your wrist. "Y/N, wait."

You turned around to him, your face showing no emotion. "What."

"I'm sorry, babe. I shouldn't have said that shit. I just got frustrated, but that's no excuse." He reached for both your arms and rubbed at them soothingly.

You sighed deeply and met his eyes. "I'm sorry too. It completely skipped my mind when I was there."

"Ah, it's fine. Honestly. I was just being a prick. I appreciate you going back to get it, I really do."

Johnny came up and gave you a bone crushing hug, spinning you around. "I love you, kid."

"I love you too, Johnny." You chuckled before your face fell. "I uh... forgot we needed batteries for your razor."

John Price-

John had been in his home office nearly all day on call after call. It was supposed to be his day off, but he hadn't left his room in hours. You were slightly worried about him, as he hadn't eaten all day so you decided to make a small snack for him and bring it into his office.

You walked in quietly, pointing to the plate of crackers and cheese as he looked at you pointedly. "Just bringing by a little snack."

"Yeah, yeah, love. I'll be out later." John waived his hand at you dismissively. You gave a small smile before making your way out of his room, closing the door behind you. You were just about to walk away when you heard something spoken, muffled by the door. "Just annoying, you know?"

You felt your heart drop upon hearing those words and walked to your bedroom, not wanting to hear another word. Did you really annoy him? You were just trying to make sure he ate he hadn't left the room in hours.

You laid down on your bed, and tears came to your eyes. You'd been feeling rather depressed lately, like you weren't good enough for him, and his words stabbed at your heart. It was impossible not to keep replaying them over and over in your head.

You'd ultimately decided to give him space for the remainder of the day, not wanting to burden him in any way.

~

"Hey, sorry I've not been able to get off that damn phone all day. Want to go grab a bite?" John's voice came from the doorway.

"No. I'm okay. Thanks, though." You replied, not turning to look at him.

"Oh? Are you sure? It's dinner time, and I figured you haven't eaten." He tried again, walking over to you, and stopped in his tracks when he saw the tear stains literring your cheeks. "Baby, what's wrong?"

You looked up at him, your bottom lip trembling. "Am I annoying?"

"Annoying?" John looked utterly perplexed at your question. "Not at all honey, why would you think that?"

"When... when I closed the door earlier, I heard my name through it...and afterward you said "just annoying"." You sniffled out, unable to meet his eyes.

John sat for a moment, replaying the conversation in his head before remembering. "Oh! God no baby, that wasn't about you. I was on with Kate, and she asked if I'd been able to spend time with you yet since I got home, and I told her I haven't, and it's annoying. I don't think you're annoying at all."

He pulled you into his arms, pressing a kiss to your temple. "I'm so sorry you thought that."

You shook your head, a small laugh bubbling in your chest. "I shouldn't have even thought anything of it. I've just been down, lately, I suppose."

"Honey, you should've told me. I can't help you if I don't know what you're feeling." Price put his finger under your chin and lifted for you to look at him. "Why don't we go get some takeout and have a movie night in? How does that sound?"

You nodded your head and pressed your lips against his. "I love you John."

"I love you too, always."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: didn't go too angsty on this one lol. Thanks for reading!!

[bless-my-demons]

Redamancy: Chapter Nine

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: Cussing and a mild mention of killing vampires

Notes: This chapter is… the longest one yet and definitely my fav so far - I love me some protective men, enjoy!! [FYI: Y/m/n is your middle name]

Word Count: 5096

Series Masterlist

• March 12th, 2005 • Forks, WA •

Jasper

I pull my motorcycle to a stop at an outlook over the Olympic Forest just outside of town, not wanting to go far for her first ride, but also wanting to get her alone and just be. I reach a hand behind me for her to take as she climbs off before I pop out the kickstand and get off myself. She’s handing me my protective gear as I turn to see what’s got her eager to leave my side and I’m met with the second most gorgeous view, the first being the girl before me.

The deep green of the forest clashes against the oranges, pinks, and purples of the descending sun to make for a spectacular sunset. To make it even better, I can see the reflection of it in her eyes - the duality of beauty rendering me speechless for longer than I’d like to admit.

This gorgeous creature, this kind and beautiful soul before me is meant to be mine. My singer, the greatest temptation a vampire could ever experience and I have found her. How on earth a monster like me is supposed to be an equal for an angel like her, I might never know.

Reader

He’s staring at me in such a way that I feel completely alive. It’s causing my face to heat, but I could care less about being embarrassed-this beautiful sunset and the vampire next to me have snatched all rational thought.

I turn to meet his eyes and I can tell a million things are running through his mind by the slightly unfocused look. The hint of a grin on his perfect lips bring a smile to my own, “Penny for your thoughts?” I ask.

“You’d have millions.” He jokes, but I’m slightly lost and tilt my head. “My thoughts are nothing but you, darlin’. You’d have millions if you had a penny for each one.”

My mouth gapes like a fish for a few seconds, for someone so stoic usually, he sure can make a girl swoon. So instead of replying, I turn my gaze to his hands, running my fingers over them and up his wrist. Before they could ascend any further though, one of his hands reaches up to stop me. Fearing that I’ve unknowingly pushed a boundary, I glance up in alarm.

“There is a reason I wear sleeves, sweetheart.” He explains quietly with a sad half-smile.

“If you think any part of you could scare me, you’re wrong Hale.” I mean it and I know he can sense the truth of my words.

“I’ve done things, horrible things for a horrible person, and I did them without question-“

“So tell me and let me prove that none of that matters now.” I lift a brow daring him to defy me.

In response he pushes the sleeves of his shirt up to reveal scarred forearms. Not just typical scarring, but bite marks. I let out a gasp at the hard ridges and pits that penetrate his skin, there must be hundreds and they have to have been painful to permanently damage the skin of a vampire. My wide eyes meet his and I can tell he’s holding his breath for what I might say.

“Who-what could do this to you? Why? How?” Questions begin tumbling from my lips as my fingers float across his damaged skin, anguish beginning to seep into my bones as his explanation begins.

“I was the youngest major in the Texas Calvary, evacuating women and children from the battlefield when I… came across three women that I thought required assistance. Being the gentleman and soldier I was, I offered them aid and it cost me my life.” He inhaled a deep breath before continuing, still watching my hands explore his skin. “Their leader Maria, was the one that changed me with the intention to use me as a general for her own army. An army of newly turned vampires, impossible for anyone, human or vampire, to beat. I was…” A heavy pause, “Also in charge of dispatching them once they outlived her usefulness for her.”

I meet his eyes as he struggles through that last sentence. Unbelievable. This man? This kind, gentle, sweet, considerate man was used to train and then kill other people for a woman clearly not strong enough to do it herself? I’m in shock at the audacity.

“If you’re waiting for me to run screaming, you’ll have to try harder.” I whisper, afraid I might scream in frustration should I speak any louder.

He puffs out a breath at my words and shakes his head. “You amaze me at every turn, you know that?” One hand pulls away from my touch to run fingers across my cheekbone in a tender gesture, drastically contrasting the story his skin tells.

“You think you can scare me, but I’m still here.” I’m here because I’m a magnet drawn to you and I don’t ever want to be pulled away, but I keep those words from slipping out with the rest.

“I’m a monster that has killed more people than I can remember, and that’s okay with you?” He asks honestly and bluntly, eyes searching mine.

“You did what was asked of you by someone that manipulated you, that is not on you and it does not make you a monster, Jasper.” The conviction in my voice is strong.

“You feel so strongly for my past and my demons, but you won’t let me in that pretty little mind of yours, why is that?” He taps on my temple gently, questioning my very being.

“Who said you aren’t already in here?” It’s my turn to tap my own temple, but my words and actions are a little more harsh now that my own demons are rushing to the surface. “You are in every single thought night and day, Hale-“

“Then why do you play this game - one moment you’re all in and the next you’re scared-“

“Because someone like you don’t waste their time with someone like me!” The quiet is deafening for a few beats following my confession. “You are gorgeous, and-and mysterious, and everything a girl could dream to have-“ but he interrupts my ramble with hands cradling my face.

“And utterly taken by you. You, darlin’. Never have I felt so alive, so seen by someone. Someone that is so incredible she caught me off guard with a door and a simple look, me-a vampire!” His words are frantic.

“I’m just a plain ‘ole regular girl like everyone else, the one you date before the real one comes along and-”

“No.” One word, one syllable and yet it holds so much weight. “Do not diminish yourself because of the value you’ve placed upon me, I will not allow it.”

What do I even say to that? Before I could articulate a response, his face lowers and his forehead rests on mine. “You are everything I need and I want you to understand that I’m not going anywhere and no other will ever take me away from you or catch my eye if you’re worried about something like that.”

A rumble in the distance reminds us of our surroundings again, darkness having moved in and a storm notifying us that it’s on the way.

“Let me get you home, sweetheart.” A kiss is delicately placed high on my cheekbone, tender and cool to soothe the heat that might be permanently settled there.

• March 13th, 2005 • Home •

Reader

The outing with Jasper yesterday has had my mind in a spin since he dropped me off at home. I can’t believe he not only indulged my request, but that I got to essentially be a human backpack for an insanely hot vampire. And our conversation… I can’t even - he flipped my world around and stole my breath away.

I’m still breathless. And looking for my stupid hat.

“Mom, have you seen my Cubs baseball hat?” I yell from the top of the stairs.

“No sweetie, did you check the bottom of the hall closet? Maybe it fell in there!” She yelled back from her spot fixing lunch in the kitchen.

I huff and run to the closet, swinging the door open and spotting the blue hat tossed haphazardly on top of our snowshoes. Great, now I’ll smell like feet. I hurry to the bathroom and grab the fabric spray from under the sink as the front doorbell rings.

Shit-shit-shit, he’s early! I finish tying my shoes to prevent myself from tripping down the stairs in my haste. As I reach the top, I hear my mother beat me to the front door to invite Jasper in, swinging the door wide in her excitement at a boy standing on our front porch.

“Good afternoon, ma’am.” He drawls in his southern accent, he offers his hand out to shake my mother’s, “Jasper Hale.” His eyes flicking up to meet mine as I descend the stairs, my mother accepting the gentlemanly gesture.

“Oh good afternoon dear!” My mother turns to me, “I made lunch in the kitchen if you two are hungry.”

“No thanks mom, we’ll just get going!” I tell her breathlessly, popping a kiss to her cheek as I brush past, “Love you!”

She sputters a second, trying to catch up, “Love you too dear, just be home at a reasonable time!” She yells after me, standing in the doorway to our home.

“I won’t keep her too late, ma’am.” Jasper flashes her a smile, “Promise I’ll keep her safe, to the best of my ability.” Finally he gives in to my tug of his jacket sleeve to follow me down the front steps.

My mother continues to stand on the porch, watching us like a hawk as Jasper opens the passenger door for me to Edward’s Volvo. He throws a wink at me before shutting the door and walking around to the driver’s side, waving goodbye to my mother who returns it.

“In a hurry, doll?” He asks, placing his right hand on my headrest as he leans over to back out of my drive.

I can’t think straight when he invades my space like this, “I just spared you from the third degree my mother was about to lay on you back there. You’re welcome, Hale.” I huff, trying to not let his proximity affect me.

He chuckles, for what I’m not entirely sure: my increasing heart rate or the comment about my mother.

“I think I can handle your mom.” He eventually responds, hands now having returned to safe territory on the steering wheel.

“Oh of that I have no doubt, but she would’ve kept us entirely too long and I’m not about to let you keep me from watching the most interesting game of baseball I’ve ever witnessed.” I responded.

Lord knows my mother would’ve embarrassed me by asking what his intentions were and we don’t need that kind of talk. We don’t need it yet, anyways.

• March 13th, 2005 • Cullen Residence •

Reader

Jasper parked the car in the garage of his massive home, if a work of architecture could be called ‘home’. He speeds around to the passenger side to open my door before I even got the chance to reach for the handle.

“I can open my own door, you know?” I mention as I stand from the car.

“Where I’m from, a lady should never have to open a door for herself.” He states matter-of-factly, shutting the door and moving past me to lead the way, arm brushing my shoulder and creating goosebumps in its wake.

Flustered by his chivalry, I follow him silently inside.

“Where is everyone?” I ask, taking in the view of the forest from the large windows.

It takes him a minute to respond, having disappeared somewhere momentarily just to return with a jacket draped over his arm and a warm-looking scarf in hand.

“Edward is picking up Isabella and should be here any moment to get us. The rest of my family is in the clearing warming up.” He answers, draping the scarf around my neck with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

Before I could comment on the look, Edward honked impatiently from the driveway.

Jasper

A little part of me wishes I just ran to the clearing while Y/n rode with Edward and Bella, just to clear my head from her scent. The rest of me is happy to have a few more moments in her presence, even if for just a little while.

I make eye contact with my brother in the rear view mirror, knowing he can read my thoughts. He gives a small dip of his chin in acknowledgment, as if to say he understands the internal conflict of wanting to be close to her while knowing it’s also torture to do so.

“Are you warm enough?” I ask, catching her rubbing her hands together in her lap.

“Oh I’ll be fine, I’m just excited is all.” She responds, I can tell she isn’t entirely telling the truth the way the little white lie taints her emotions. Unfortunately I can’t tell if it’s about the temperature or her excitement at the prospect of watching a vampire baseball game. I chuckle and glance out my window, now I know how Edward feels not being able to read Isabella’s thoughts.

My brother lets out a small laugh himself causing the women to turn on us, “What?” They ask in sync.

“Edward finds my thoughts amusing is all, nothing to worry about darlin’.” I tell Y/n. I notice her face blanche and immediately realize I never told her of Edward’s power.

“He-he what?” She stutters, clearly worrying over the invasion of privacy she was never warned about and I kick myself for not having this conversation beforehand.

“Edward can read the thoughts of those in his vicinity. He’s respectful with his power though, he wouldn’t invade your privacy like that.” I reassure her, using a portion of my power to round out some of her nerves.

“I can hear you, but it sort of passes through.” Edward hesitates, “It’s like sitting in a room full of people conversing, but not really paying attention even though you can hear them talking all at once. I’m used to communicating with Jasper this way, I apologize for not prefacing my abilities sooner.” He finishes, glancing back to look over his shoulder with a sad smile.

“Thank you Edward, I appreciate that very much.” Y/n sighs, “I think it’s actually a pretty amazing power to have.” She tells him with a smile.

“Sometimes it is,” Edward glances to Bella, “Sometimes it isn’t.”

“Why did we have to wait for a thunderstorm to play baseball?” She turns to ask me innocently after a beat of silence.

“Oh you’re about to see.” I tell her with a grin as Edward pulls the Jeep to a stop at the edge of a clearing, the rest of my family gathered not far away.

As I help her out of Emmett’s Wrangler, I remove my jacket to place around her shoulders.

“Before you say anything, I don’t need it. Keep it warm for me.” I can’t resist placing a kiss to the crown of her head, her scent mingling with mine making for a heady mixture. I turn and lead her to where everyone is gathered, Emmett sending a pointed look my way at the interaction he just witnessed. I shrug as a way of answering, trying not to make it a big deal since he’s always been worried about my loneliness the last few decades.

“Alright let’s pick teams!” Carlisle announces, attempting to wrangle our rowdy bunch.

Reader

As the Cullen’s separate into their teams, I follow Esme as she tugs Bella and I over to home plate explaining the game. Carlisle and Rosalie play-flight over who gets to go first, but my eye is on Jasper as he warms up with a few test-swings with a bat.

“We could use a few impartial opinions.” Esme smiles at us, shifting Bella and I to stand behind her as she assumes the ‘catcher’ position.

Rose is up to bat first, Jasper and Carlisle on her team while Emmett, Edward, and Alice make up the opposition. The latter taking up her place at the pitcher’s mound - she nods her head and announces, “It’s time.”

First pitch from Alice and Rose absolutely smashes it, the thunder cracking in time with the strike of the bat.

“Okay, now I see why you need the thunder.” Bella says, impressed. “That’s gotta be a home run, right?”

Rosalie rounds second and heads for third, a blonde blur on the field. “Edward is fast.” Esme tells her with confidence.

Right when I think there’s no possible way Edward could get his sister out before she slides home, a baseball rockets it’s way out of the woods and straight into Esme’s hands. Tagging her adoptive daughter with the ball, she looks over her shoulder at us for confirmation.

“You’re out!” Bella motions a thumb over her shoulder at a very not happy Rose.

I turn to look at Jasper, completely blown away by what transpired, but I’m distracted in the way he idly spins his baseball bat. My emotions must catch his attention, because he doesn’t stop as he makes eye contact. Who knew something so basic as flipping a bat could be so attractive?

“Babe, c’mon! It’s just a game!” Emmett yells from across the field, garnering my attention from his brother.

Rosalie brushes past Bella to intimidate her umpire call as Carlisle takes his place at home plate. Another beautiful pitch by Alice and powerful swing by the doctor, the ball heads straight for the middle ground between the two brothers in the outfield. Colliding together, they miss the ball and their dad claims second base.

Next up is Jasper and I’m positively vibrating with excitement to see him in action. Showing off again with his idle bat tossing, he settles in and sends Alice’s next ball into orbit, but Emmett manages to snag it out of thin air.

“My monkey man.” Rose says proudly from her spot next to me, I huff in aggravation at Jasper getting out so early.

Just as Rosalie takes her second turn and is running for first base, Alice yells out a warning, “Stop!”

After a few seconds and hearing something that clearly Bella and I fail to pick up with our human ears, the family not gathered around us returns to our sides in a hurry.

“They were leaving and then they heard us-“

“Let’s go.” Edward cuts off Alice to grab for Bella, but Carlisle stops his son.

“It’s too late.”

Jasper is at my side as the rest of his family shuffled around us, “What’s happening?” I ask him worriedly.

“Vampires, they heard us playing and are on their way here.” He answers me completely serious, zipping up his jacket that I’m wearing. “Stay behind me, don’t move and don’t attract their attention.”

“Jas-“

“No one touches you.” He meets my eyes as his words send ice through my veins, will it come to that?

I will my heart to calm as I get shuffled to stand behind him and Emmett, I rest a hand on Jasper’s back to anchor myself.

I can’t see them from my hiding spot, but I hear one with a slight accent, “I believe this belongs to you?”

“Thank you.” Carlisle replies curtly.

“I am Laraunt, this is Victoria and James.”

“I’m Carlisle, this is my family.” I feel Jasper tense under my hand like he’s concentrating. Readying for a fight? What do I do if this turns into a vampire brawl?

I turn to look at Edward over my shoulder but he doesn’t meet my gaze and Bella has her head turned down. Hiding her eyes I realize - her human eyes, acting shy in the face of new vampires so that they might not be interested in her.

Carlisle and the one speaking for the group, Laraunt, continue their efficient conversation as I step closer to Jasper. From this position I can see all three strangers and fear begins to worm it’s way into my chest. I’ve become so comfortable with the Cullens’ that I’ve forgotten they’re vampires. Vampires as dangerous as the ones before me look, minus the red eyes.

The tall one missing a shirt, James presumably since Laraunt and Carlisle are still conversing, seems to lock in on Bella and Edward. The grip I have on Jasper tightens and he reaches a hand back to pat the outside of my thigh in reassurance at his earlier statement.

“So, could you use three more players?” My heart almost stops, how do we get out of this? “Come on, just one game?”

Seemingly reading my mind, Carlisle plays along with a little chuckle, “Sure, why not. A few of us were leaving, you could take their place.” I feel Jasper’s arm nudge me in the direction of Edward and Bella, a sign to join their departure.

“We’ll bat first.” Carlisle announces, throwing the ball to the newcomers as our group begins to separate.

“I’m the one with the wicked curve ball.” The female, Victoria taunts in a low voice.

Jasper let’s out a low laugh, “Well I think we can handle that.”

As everyone begins to take their new places and I make my way towards Bella, I notice that one of the new males seems zoned-in on Edward, or rather, Bella. Next thing I know, a breeze shifts Bella’s hair and my heart shudders in my chest - the wind, our scent-

“You brought a snack?” James threatens as he leans into a crouch. Snapping his gaze to me as I let out a gasp, “Two snacks?”

Jasper let’s out a deep growl as he lunges in front of me, the rest of his family surrounding Bella and I in a protective stance.

“The girls are with us.” Carlisle asserts, “I think it best if you leave.”

“I can see the game is over, we’ll go now.” The one in charge tries to placate the tense situation. “James.”

As the new vampires turn to leave, Carlisle urges Edward and Jasper, “Get Bella and Y/n out of here, go!”

The four of us jog back to Emmett’s Jeep, Jasper keeping me from stumbling in the mud.

“Okay I’ve got it-I’ve got it, I’m alright!” Bella yells at Edward while he tries to buckle her in. “What, n-now he’s coming after me? Us?”

“Listen to me-James is a tracker, the hunt is his obsession. I read his mind, our reaction on the field set him off. We just made this his most exciting game ever, he’s never going to stop.” Edward explains, frantic in his words and his driving.

“So what do we do?” Bella panics.

“We kill him-“ Jasper starts.

“Rip him apart and burn the pieces.” Edward finishes.

“Where are we going?”

“Away from Forks. We’ll get a ferry to Vancouver.”

“I have to go home, now. You have to take me home.” Bella orders him.

“You can’t go home, he’s just going to trace your scent there-it’s the first place he’s going to look.”

My chest constricts, my mom. Jasper grabs my hand, no doubt feeling my growing fear. “My mom.” I whisper to him as his eyes bounce between mine searching for what to say.

“My dad is there!-“

“It doesn’t matter!”

“Yes it does! He could get killed because of us! What about Y/n’s mom?!”

“Just let me get you out of here first, alright? Neither one of you are safe.”

“It’s my dad, we have to go back!” She argues back, exasperated. “We’ll figure out a way to lead the tracker away somehow-I don’t know, but we have to do something!”

“Jasper, you have to take me home.” I plead with him while squeezing his hand.

“Darlin’, I-“

“I’ll go anywhere you want me to, I just need to make sure she’s okay! If I disappear, she’ll hunt me down.” I try to reason with him, short of panicking myself.

Pulling up at Bella’s house, both her and Edward leap out of their seats and for the door. Just as Bella slams the front door in his face putting on a show, Jasper hops in the driver’s seat and peels out of the driveway in the direction of my house.

“You go inside, make up a reason to leave tonight. I’ll wait in the car, but if you aren’t out in five minutes, I’m coming in to get you.” He orders me and I nod.

“Thank you, I can’t leave her without saying anything… Thank you, Jasper.”

“Don’t thank me yet, I’m taking you far from here until this is settled.” His voice steady even though my life is turning upside down as we speak.

As the large vehicle rumbles to a stop just in front of my porch, I leap from my seat. The light above the door flicking on, my mother swings it open before my fingers could grab the handle.

“Everything alri-“

“No, mom.” I brush past her to ascend the stairs. “Bella is leaving for her mom’s tonight, I need to go with her!”

“Sweetheart, it’s too late for a drive like that!” She says, chasing me.

“She can’t drive by herself, she needs me mom! I can make sure she’s safe and keep you updated.” I plead with her as I throw random articles of clothing in my empty gym bag.

“Y/n, you can’t-“

“Mom,” I turn to her, dead serious, “I’m going whether you let me or not. She’s my best friend and she needs to leave. I can at least make sure she’s okay and gets to her mom’s. I’ll turn around and come right back afterwards!”

“Your phone stays on and charged.” She says with her hands on her hips, “I call, you better answer after the first ring. Anything - and I mean anything happens, you call me and Chief Swan immediately, Y/n Y/m/n.”

“Yes ma’am.” I snatch my bag and give her a hug as I rush out of my room. “I love you.” I murmur into her shoulder.

“You’re my world, sweetheart. Please be careful?” I nod, “I love you too.”

After a peck to my head, I race down the stairs and back out to the Jeep.

“It’s going to be alright.” Jasper tries to soothe me, both with his words and an artificial wave of calm.

“Don’t.” I bristle, “Nothing about this is alright.”

Immediately the foreign feeling vacates me and a coldness slides into my chest. I know he was only trying to help me, but I can’t take it, I can’t take the easy way out right now. So I glance out my window as the trees rush past on our way to his house.

• March 13th, 2005 • Cullen Residence •

Jasper

This day-this whole thing is fucked. And not at all how I saw this weekend going. I promised her mother I would keep her safe and now a fucking group of nomadic vampires is hunting her and Isabella.

Three vampires aren’t really much when it comes to my family of seven, but seeing as I’m the only one trained to… deal with the dispatching of vampires besides Carlisle, the odds aren’t great that we all come out of this unscathed.

And Y/n. This fragile human that already means so much to me is caught in the middle, caught up in my dangerous world. I told her that nothing and no one touches her and I meant it. If I can be sure of one thing, I know I can do this for her.

Slamming on the breaks as the Jeep slides into the garage, I grab Y/n’s hand as she meets me behind the vehicle. I tried to soothe her worry after we left her house, but I obeyed her request to stop. I almost feel useless - not being allowed to do what I do best and fix emotions, but I know her sense of autonomy shouldn’t be infringed upon if I want her to let me in. I slam the button to shut the garage door to shield us from potential prying eyes and make my way across the enclosed space.

“What now?” Y/n asks me as I throw her bag in the trunk of Carlisle’s Mercedes.

“I stay with you, no matter what. You and Isabella, I can protect the both of you.” I turn and meet her gaze, resting a hand on her cheek in reassurance. “You are mine to protect and I take that charge very seriously.” My words snatch her breath, so I give her a half-smile.

“After… everything, you’re not opposed to violence, Hale?”

“For you? Violence is my middle name, darlin’.” Before I could comment on the shudder the wracks through her and the arousal trickling into her scent and emotions, my family rejoins us in the garage.

Snatching the keys to the Mercedes Emmett tosses my way, I seperate myself from Y/n.

“I’ve had to fight our kind before,” I hesitate choosing my words, glancing at Y/n, “We’re not easy to kill.”

“But not impossible.” My brother responds.

“I don’t relish the thought of killing another creature, even a sadistic one like James.” Carlisle laments.

“What if he kills one of us first?” Rose questions harshly from her seat on the counter.

“I’m going to run Bella south and lead the tracker away from here-“ but Carlisle stops Edward before he could finish.

“No, Edward. James knows you’d never leave Bella. He’ll follow you.” My adoptive father glances at me, “Jasper-“

“I’m not leaving her.” I level my gaze on Carlisle and boost my words with my power, “None of you are trained like me, I stay with what he wants - the girls.”

“I’ll go with them, Jasper and I will drive them south.” Alice pipes up, “I’ll keep her safe, Edward.”

“Can you keep your thoughts to yourself?” I can feel Alice’s hesitation in what I feel is her confidence in the outcome of all this.

I will that emotion away immediately, nothing will hinder a positive outcome in this scenario. Y/n and Isabella will make it through this unscathed and James will die, end of story. Nothing threatens what’s mine or my family’s and lives, nothing.

Next

[yamigooops]

DiE4U

“you know that i’d die for, i’d cry for you know that i’d die for you you know that i’d breathe for, i’d bleed for you know that i’d breathe for you” - ‘DiE4U’ by Bring Me the Horizon

summary: when you are given the mission to infiltrate bakugou katsuki’s life and become his lover in order to quietly assassinate him, you never expected it to make your world crumble around you…

words: 16.7k

warnings: enemies to lovers? fluff to angst, main character death, seriously no happy ending, fem reader, oral sex (fem receiving), cockwarming, light impact play (literally one spank), light degradation, unprotected sex (WRAP THAT WILLY FOLKS), general dirty talk… if i missed anything let me know

a/n: i’ve literally worked on this piece for months and now that it’s finally done i don’t know what to do with myself… i cried multiple times while writing it, as it’s literally one of the saddest things i’ve ever read, much less written. so hopefully it makes you cry too because i don’t wanna be the only one. if it does lemme know because i want to know if i hit my goal lol. i’d say enjoy but hopefully you’ll be broken by the end soooo…….

It was always going to end like this. But it was never meant to hurt so badly, was never supposed to be this excruciating. Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan, and now you were paying the price.

It started almost a year ago. May 24th, an unassuming Wednesday afternoon. You’d been on your way home when you fell victim to a villain attack. However, the whole thing lasted hardly any time at all as Pro Hero Dynamight was on the scene in seconds when he heard your panicked scream from just down the street.

Now, it wasn’t his usual protocol to give his number out to victims. But he was so overcome with your beauty and courage in the face of danger that when you asked him for those ten digits he couldn’t help but scribble them down on a scrap of paper you handed him. He hadn’t planned on responding to your messages that night either, yet he found himself doing so anyway. His fingers flew across his screen as he accepted your offer to buy him a coffee the next morning, and the rest is history.

Coffee dates turned into grand dinners, which then became late-night ramen runs to his favorite hole-in-the-wall stalls after spending the night together. His days off were spent in your company, and his closet eventually came to house a small portion of your wardrobe. His bed came to bear two divots instead of just one, and his shower now held more soaps and bath necessities than it ever had in the past.

He invited you into every part of his life, and you tried desperately not to get too attached, knowing it would only hurt more in the long run. But dammit he made it so hard.

Waking up to the feeling of his calloused fingertips running soothing circles at the base of your spine had become one of your favorite feelings in the world. The love he held for you was so apparent in that small action that it nearly broke your heart.

Nearly.

You still had a job to do, and the end date was fast approaching whether you wanted it to or not. The day would come that all of this would come to an abrupt halt, and you’d have to move on with your life as if nothing had happened in the first place, hoping you’d made the right decision and that you could live with yourself after it happened.

But that was for future you to deal with. Right now, you let yourself bask in this soporific atmosphere. Took in the light that spilled through the crack in the curtains. Shifted your feet slightly as you readjusted atop your lover, legs tangled in the soft sheets. His chest rose and fell with the calm tempo of his breath as his heart pumped steadily within it, drumming a beat that you wished would never end.

But the nagging voice in the back of your head reminded you that if all went according to plan that beat would be cut short all too soon.

You adjusted slightly above him, positioning yourself against his bare skin so you could access the thick column of his throat. You placed delicate kisses on the skin there, glossing over the marks blooming from the night before. They’d last a few days at least, and the thought made you grin before you realized they’d likely still be there when you had to…

No, this wasn’t the time to think of that. In a few hours, you’d be on a plane headed to a beautiful destination with your lover. You were going to have the best few days of your life, and you refused to let the future destroy those plans.

“Mornin’ cutie,” Katsuki rumbled, eyes still shut as he continued to trace along your back with all the ease of a man with a day off.

“G’morning love,” you mumbled against his skin. Your fingers delved into his soft, tangled hair as you nipped at his ear, pulling a breathy chuckle from his lips.

“You ready to head to paradise?”

You sighed, nodding. “Boy am I ever. A whole four days of just you, no hero work, no distractions?” You pulled back enough to look at his sleepy, beautiful face. He cracked one eye open to meet your gaze as you hesitated for a moment. “Sounds like a dream come true,” you whispered in awe.

A genuine smile caught the corners of his mouth and tugged, cracking open that all-too-stern expression and giving way to a happier one. An expression you found you could look at from dawn until dusk, one you saw in your dreams. That smile would come to haunt you, but in this moment it was everything you ever needed and more.

Suddenly, he was rolling you over and pressing your back into the mattress, his arms caging you in and his thick thighs framing yours. “You don’t think you’ll get sick of me, huh?” He murmured as he buried his face in your neck, lips brushing your skin ever so lightly. “Don’t think you’ll want some time to yourself?”

You could barely breathe, your head descending into the fog of lust as he slowly ground his – very conveniently—bare hips against yours. His length was already hardening, and the breath caught in your throat as you lifted your hands to run your fingers over his chest. You savored the feeling of his hard muscle, overlayed by countless scars and a dusting of chest hair that you found incredibly attractive.

“And miss out on all this?” You hummed, dragging your nails lightly from his shoulders down over his pecs before looping your arms under his and caressing his back, pulling him closer. “Why would I ever do that?”

“Haven’t you heard, baby?” He moved farther down your neck, his lips dusting over your collarbones as he continued. “I must be ‘brutish and savage in bed, a complete asshole of a partner.’ Because the tabloids know everything, after all.” He made it to the valley of your breasts, and you unhooked your arms from him before winding them through his hair once more.

“And who said I don’t like assholes, hmm?” Your back arched involuntarily as he pressed a particularly sweet kiss against your sternum, sending shivers up your spine.

He chuckled above you before shoving the duvet off the both of you with a huff and readjusting. He pulled each of your legs up one at a time, kissing from your knee up the inside of your thigh before switching to the other with a shit-eating grin at your needy whine. Before he reached your core after the second leg, he grabbed a pillow and eased both of your legs over his shoulders. He then slid the pillow beneath your hips and settled down on his elbows and stared at the scene before him. He had a look similar to reverence in his eyes as his hands soothed over your hips and stomach, and it had your heart fluttering in your chest.

“Why’re you looking at me like that,” you mumbled, trying not to sound too needy or embarrassed, but knowing you didn’t succeed at either.

“Just taking in the meal before I dig in.” His voice sent a thrill through you, and you didn’t even mind the use of a cheesy line when he said it like that – with such intensity and love that it made you want to melt into a puddle before he had even started.

But then he began, and digging in could hardly explain what he was doing to you. He savored you, taking his time working you up with languid swirls and strokes of his tongue. He switched between stimulating your clit and delving as deep into your depths as possible. When you got too used to one method he would jump back over to the other to keep you on your toes, which were currently curled as your heels dug into his back.

The breaking point was after he slipped two fingers into you, easing them in and out of your slick hole as his tongue worked on that sweet bundle at the apex of your thighs. Your grip on his hair had him moaning against your aching sex, and with one strategic curl of his fingers, he had you crumbling. Had you been standing your legs would have given out completely. The sound he ripped out of you was primal, almost animalistic, and as he worked you through your orgasm you saw your life with this man play out on the backs of your eyelids.

You’d get married in the next few years, and have a kid or two. He would continue with his hero work but would cut back on it a bit to be there for his family. You would put your children through all of the best schools, and make sure they got the best educations possible, so they’d have the opportunity to be whatever they wanted when they grew up. Katsuki would eventually retire, and once your children were all grown up and moved out you’d go somewhere magical, maybe even travel the world together.

But as the euphoria left your veins and Katsuki moved to hover over you, your essence glistening on his lips and chin, you reminded yourself to stay in this moment. To not get too far ahead of yourself. That would only bring more pain. And right now, you were about to get your brains fucked out.

As the two of you sat together on the private jet later that day, Katsuki’s hand rested on your bare thigh, his thumb stroking the soft skin there as he skimmed through a few work files with the other hand.

“Hey, I thought you said no work on vacation. Didn’t your sidekicks even yell at you to take a break?” You huffed, leaning your head against his shoulder with a pout on your lips.

He chuckled, squeezing the meat of your thigh lightly. “I said no work on vacation. I never said anything about on the way to vacation.” He pressed a kiss to your hair before returning to the documents. “Besides, what else is there to do to pass the time? It’s not like we can throw a party with just the two of us.”

You sighed, relegating yourself to spending so much of your remaining time with the man of your dreams watching him read through reports before the most obvious solution came to mind.

“Well,” you started, rising from your seat, and easing the tray above his lap off to the side as you stepped in front of him. “It might not be a party, but as you said, it’s just the two of us…” Thankfully the two of you had been seated on a couch along the side of the cabin, so there was ample room to place your knees on either side of his thighs. You pulled up your thin, flowy dress enough that it wasn’t caught beneath you as you settled on his lap, knees folded beneath you. Your hands found the sides of his face as you stroked at his cheeks, smoothing out his scowl lines as you gave him a soft, flirty smile.

“Besides, I heard there’s some club you get to join? The sky-high club – something like that…”

He placed his hands loosely on your waist, tilting his head slightly to look at you with hooded eyes and an emerging smirk. “The mile-high club, you mean?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, letting the word slide off your glossed lips like honey. “That one. Never done it before. Wanted to do it with you on that last flight, but it was too crowded. What better time than now when we have the whole plane to ourselves?” As you spoke, you ground your hips against his ever so slowly. The friction wasn’t enough to do much, just enough to try to convince him to follow up.

“Baby,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “I wanted to get this shit done before we landed so I didn’t have to worry about anything while we’re there…”

“That’s okay, I can sit still,” you shrugged. “Just… need you so bad.” Your glossy pout was working its magic, grinding him down until he couldn’t say no and gave you whatever you wanted. And right now, that was him. Inside you. For as long as he would allow, or until one of you broke. Whichever came first.

He raised a brow, looking at you skeptically. “You seriously think you can do it?” He lowered his voice, gripping your chin and tugging you closer until you could feel his minty breath on your cheeks. “Remember last time, when you wouldn’t listen, and I had to discipline you? And over my desk too,” he tsked, shaking his head in disappointment.

You shook your own in response. “No, I promise. I can do it. I just need you so bad,” you begged, your hands slipping down to grip the fabric of his shirt.

“You really think you’ll last? I mean, we still have…” He looked down to check his watch for the time. “Two and a half hours. You think you can make it two whole hours? If you can, you get to do whatever you want for the last half hour. But if not, that thirty minutes will be punishment. You up for it?”

You nodded vigorously, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from squirming in excitement. “I can, I promise. Just need you, please.”

He stared at you heatedly for a moment, one brow raised in a look that would have weaker women on their knees. But as you sat there with that pleading look in your eyes, he caved and nodded. “Alright then,” he huffed, as if this wasn’t something he was going to enjoy immensely as well.

With that, you excitedly reached down to tug down the front of his joggers, finding a bulge there already and grinning in excitement. As you eased out his cock, you found it flushed and leaking, already prepared to impale you. It sent a rush of heat through you, and you resisted the urge to lick your lips at the sight of it.

Standing briefly, you rid yourself of your lacy panties, the ones Kats had insisted you wear, simply for ease and comfort. Returning to your spot on his lap, you took him in your hand and guided his cock to your cunt. You were already soaked, the banter and anticipation getting to you more than you’d anticipated. You ran him through your folds a few times to coat his length in your essence, and you tried to keep from grinning at his little sighs of pleasure and the way his hands tightened their grip on your hips.

When you were satisfied, you raised on your knees and aligned his tip with your entrance before looking him in the eye and impaling yourself on his thick cock. You moved so slowly it made your thighs burn, but the way his eyelids fluttered, and his brows knit together at the feeling was more than worth it. Inch by glorious inch, he disappeared into your silky depths. That full feeling that you always craved was so satisfying you could cry, but you couldn’t give him that satisfaction. At least not this early into it.

As you came to rest back on his thighs, you found it a little hard to breathe. You felt so stuffed you could hardly think, much less form coherent sentences. He was nestled so deep inside of you that you could nearly feel him in your throat, the head of his dick pressed snuggly against your cervix. So, you were grateful when he took your chin in his fingers and tugged you forward to press a soft, chaste kiss to your lips before tucking you against his chest.

As he moved to retrieve the documents on the tray you’d moved earlier, you readjusted, moving so your legs were slightly more comfortable and your dress wasn’t pulled tight beneath you. His hand was seemingly faster than a bullet as it came down on your plush ass, the sound loud and abrupt in the quiet space of the cabin. Even with the covering of your dress it still stung like a bitch, but the moan that spilled from your throat was undeniably one of pleasure.

“I thought I said no moving,” he growled in your ear.

“I-I was ju-” you choked out, breath coming in short gasps as you tried to regain the ability to speak clearly. After swallowing and taking a few deep breaths you finally got the words out. “Was just getting comfy,” you whimpered meekly, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Didn’t mean to squirm so much, ‘m sorry.”

He sighed before the same hand which had inflicted the pain came to soothe it. “Alright, I’m sorry. Thought you were trying to pull one over on me. Just… warn me next time. And let me know if your legs fall asleep, okay? We can readjust if you need.” There was genuine care in his voice, and it nearly brought tears to your eyes as his hand stroked over your throbbing skin.

As you nodded, he retrieved the documents from earlier and returned to reading them. You, on the other hand, had only him to entertain you. But that was more than enough, as you soaked in the feeling of him against you, inside you, wrapped all around you and engulfing you in his scent and his presence. This man had truly become your entire world in less than a year, and that should scare you more than it did, especially knowing what was to come.

But as his warmth and love enveloped you, there wasn’t enough room for all of the worry and doubt, so you cast it aside in favor of soaking him in instead.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 The fading sunlight shone through the leaves of the thick foliage as you stood on the balcony of your treehouse escape. It was a cozy place, an A-frame cottage held aloft in the trees near the shore of a small river, but it was secluded and comfortable. And the best part was that it was all the way over in Washington state, where no one knew who the two of you were. Here you could just be normal people instead of getting swarmed by paparazzi wherever you went. Thankfully both of you had a good grasp of the English language, so everything thus far had gone smoothly. You were just happy to be away from all the chaos of the daily hero life back home.

But could you actually call it that? Home? Surely it had begun to feel that way. But given everything that would transpire in the coming days you weren’t sure you deserved to use that term.

Again, you tried to push those thoughts out of your mind and remain in the current moment. The air was crisp here, and the sky shone with emerging stars and the fading glow of twilight as you sipped on your glass of wine. With a sigh you turned around to face inside, where you could see Katsuki standing with his back to you as he cooked dinner for the two of you. The sight of him nearly brought tears to your eyes. To see him so raw, so unguarded and pure, made you want to forgo everything you’d been directed to do and run away with him. But you knew they’d only send someone even worse to finish the job.

At least you would make it as painless as possible.

Throwing back the rest of your wine in the futile hope that it would give you the courage to face him, you pushed off the balcony rail and headed back inside. The tiny living space was warmly lit with a plush couch, a small kitchen, and a quaint dining area. There was a metal spiral staircase leading up to the second floor, which only extended over the kitchen, leaving the space over the living area wide open. The entire wall facing the river was glass, providing an unimpeded view of the forest beyond. Upstairs was a simple area, with just a king-sized bed and huge skylights opening up to reveal the night sky above you. It was gorgeous.

The perfect place to kill your lover, you thought sadly. It was quiet and remote, a ten-minute drive from the next closest home and a twenty-minute drive from the closest town. There would be ample time to dispose of his body and clean the crime scene before anyone suspected anything, and you’d easily be able to disappear into a new country where you’d form a new identity and escape the bonds of the organization you’d been forced to serve since you were a child.

You only wished you’d be able to take him with you.

“Whatcha cookin’?” Your voice was soft in the wooded structure, the natural materials and fabrics everywhere absorbing any echo that may occur.

“Just some ramen, nothing special. Didn’t have time to get much from the store, so we’ll have to go tomorrow and do some shopping.” He sounded so at ease at the stove, and you couldn’t help but step behind him and wrap your arms around his slim waist. You pressed your lips to his spine between his shoulder blades, and he sighed gently, placing his free hand atop yours.

“I’m sure it’s gonna be delicious anyway,” you smiled, resting your forehead against his back, and closing your eyes. You would give anything in the world to live like this for the rest of your life.

“You like my food no matter what, babe. I’m starting to think you’re just saying that to stroke my ego,” he chuckled. The sound was warm as it bubbled out of his chest and brought a genuine smile to your lips.

“And have you get an even bigger head than you already have?” You teased, your fingers slipping beneath the grey t-shirt he wore to skim along his stomach. “If it gets much bigger you’ll be the most insufferable man alive. I mean, you’re already the number two hero for fuck’s sake.”

He let the spoon he was stirring with rest against the side of the pot and slowly turned around in your arms. Coming to face you, he slipped his hands beneath your ears to caress your face with his large, calloused hands. It always surprised you just how gentle those hands could be, that while they could do so much damage, they were also capable of such love, such soft touch.

“To hell with all that bullshit. All I need is you,” he replied carefully, almost shyly. “I’m nothing without you, Y/N. You keep me sane, keep me grounded. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

As you stared into those claret eyes you felt your chest tighten and your stomach tumble over itself. It wasn’t often that he shared his emotions so honestly, but every time he did it made you want to cry.

“Katsuki… I-”

He cut you off with a kiss on the forehead and a thumb brushing across your bottom lip. “I don’t think you fully get it. Every time I come home having been unable to save people, having been beaten within an inch of my life, and I get to see you there waiting for me? Waiting to love me and take care of me? There ain’t a single better feeling I’ve ever felt.” His lips brushed your forehead as he spoke, his fingers running across the skin of your jaw and neck and lips as if he didn’t know what else to do with them.

“Before you I had nothing. I’m pretty sure half my friends didn’t even really like me, the media was up my ass about every little thing I did, I hadn’t seen my family in years… My life fuckin’ sucked before I met you.” He pulled back just enough to look you in the eyes, and your heart cracked as you found tears in those burning eyes. “Then I saved you on the street that day, and everything started to get better. I know I suck at saying this stuff out loud, but you brought love into my life, and I can never fuckin’ thank you enough for that.”

Everything was quiet for a long moment as you simply looked at one another, drinking in the moment and the soft bubbling of the ramen and the chirping of the crickets outside. Your fingers clutched at the material of his shirt as you fought back your own tears.

“I don’t know what to say, Kats,” you murmured into the quiet.

He smiled slightly, leaning down to rest his forehead on yours. “That’s usually my role.”

You chuckled softly, closing your eyes, and reveling in the feeling of his hands against your skin, his breath on your cheeks. “I wish I could protect you too, Kats,” you whispered. “I wish I could keep all the bad things from you, but sometimes I feel so helpless… Like you’re the only one doing the work here.”

At this, he straightened and guided you into his chest. His arms enclosed you and his warmth seeped into your very being as he rested his cheek against your hair. “You do protect me though,” he replied after a moment of thought. “You give me the strength to keep fighting. You give me something to live for, and that’s enough to keep me from giving up. I’ve never felt stronger than when you came into my life.”

The tears which had been pooling in your eyes finally slipped past your lashes as you buried your face in his chest. His words had you rethinking everything you’d been directed to do, had you second guessing whether you’d really be able to carry through with it. In that moment you didn’t think you could. He had wormed his way into the heart you had once thought to be dead and had brought you back to life. As much as you had tried to keep that from happening he had somehow slipped past the guard you had so meticulously built over the course of your life to keep anyone and everyone from seeing what was inside. From seeing just how broken you really were.

But he had seen that chaos and ruin inside of you and started to rebuild you. He hadn’t shied away like so many others, but instead worked with you to improve and heal. Because he had a great deal of healing to do as well, so the mutual understanding you formed helped both of you.

“I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you breathed into his chest, keeping your words just audible and allowing them to be muffled in his chest as you cried into it. His arms tightened around you as he kissed your head.

“You’ve got me, love. Until death do us part, or whatever the saying is. Besides, I’m not going anywhere anyway.”

You allowed yourself to keep crying, mourning the man you had come to love as you finally let it settle in that in a few days he’d no longer be there to comfort you. And the worst part was that he had no idea that his words hit so close to home.

The last three days had been absolutely magical. Spending so much quality alone time with Katsuki was like living a dream. You spent that time hiking, tasting local cuisine, lounging together, and of course, fucking like animals. He’d taken you on practically every surface in the house, and even convinced you to skinny dip with him in the jacuzzi outside, promising that the property was secluded enough that no one would see. That of course turned into a passionate few rounds of heated sex.

It was the final night the two of you had together, having rented the property until tomorrow afternoon, and you planned on taking advantage of every second you had left. He currently had you on your knees as he languidly thrust into you from behind. Your cries and moans were muffled by the mattress, and he kissed and bit at the back of your neck as he murmured such sweet words into your ear.

“Ah, fuck baby. Still so tight for me even after all this,” he growled lowly. His left hand gripped the meat of your hip as the right held your hair off to the side to expose your face and neck. “God, you were fuckin made for me.”

“Kats, need m-more,” you whined, your fingers tangling in the sheets. His thrusts were slow but powerful, and each one hit so deep you rapidly lost the ability to think coherently.

“Yeah? You need more, you greedy little thing? Tell me what you need. Can’t give you more if you don’t tell me.” He bit at your shoulder, sucking what you were sure was a deep purple mark as you tried to gather your scattered thoughts.

“Harder,” you pleaded. “F-faster. Please!”

His moan had a thrill running through you from head to toe. “Fuck baby, that what you want? Want me to fuck you into the mattress?”

“Yes! Please, need you so bad!”

He gave a particularly harsh thrust before stilling deep inside you. You whined at the loss of friction, but his fingers snaked around your hip to find your clit, where it started applying such sweet pressure.

“I don’t know sweetheart, I’m getting a little tired,” he murmured into your ear. “Kinda wanna see you put in a bit of effort, know what I mean?”

You groaned, feeling yourself rapidly falling down the hill of pleasure he had so tentatively built up. “Just need you, Kats, I’ll do anything.”

“Yeah?” Katsuki’s voice was playful as he released your hair and wrapped his right arm firmly across your chest. He then rolled to the right and switched positions, placing you atop him before coming to grip your hips, which were still impaled on his thick cock. “Then show me, pretty girl. Show me how bad you want it.”

You moved to turn around to face him, but his hands tightened on your waist, hindering your movement. “Wanna see you, Kats,” you cried, looking back at him.

He had a sly smile on those kiss-swollen lips that had your stomach churning. “But I wanna watch you like this. Just for a bit at least. C’mon baby, you’re a big girl. You can hold out a little longer, can’t you?” His tone was taunting, almost like he wanted you to fight him on it to see what he would do. But your nerves steeled at his words, and you narrowed your eyes.

“Fine, be that way,” you hissed, turning back around, and placing your hands on his thighs. “I’ll do it myself then.” You began grinding your hips against his, your fingers digging into the firm muscle of his legs. They were so thick you could barely fit a hand across the top of them, and the thought of grinding against them was almost tempting enough to leave his cock behind.

But not quite enough.

You slowly raised yourself onto your knees before dropping back down quickly, repeating the process over and over as your fingers found your clit and started working it. As good as Katsuki was with the little bundle of nerves, you knew your body better than anyone, knew which patterns and how much pressure would work yourself up the fastest. So, the added stimulation of his cock impaling you and his hands working the fat of your ass and hips had you falling into the throes of pleasure faster than usual.

As your head fell back, your mouth hanging open in a silent moan, Katsuki threaded his thick, calloused fingers through your hair and tugged. Your back arched as your free hand flew back to support yourself on his solid stomach. He began thrusting up into you, his movements matching yours and coaxing you to move faster and faster. The loud squelching of arousal mixed with your breathy moans and his deep growls to create a symphony of debauchery that had your head spinning and your chest heaving.  

You drew closer and closer to the edge of pleasure as he thrust ever more vigorously into your silky, creamy depths, and you were growing louder by the second. His knees came up as he gave himself more leverage to pound into you even harder, and you were falling apart in his arms before he knew it.

You nearly screamed at the shattering of the dam inside you, pleasure washing over you like a tsunami as he continued pumping in and out of you. You faintly registered his words as he coaxed you through your release.

“Fuck yeah baby, let it all out,” he groaned. “Shit, that pussy’s gonna squeeze the life outta me.”

Your legs had turned to jelly, but you tried your best to match his movements as he chased his own high. You could tell by the tension in his stomach and the shortness of his breath that he was getting close. But the growing overstimulation had you crying atop him as he pounded into you from below, his hands both firmly grasping your hips to help you bounce on his cock like a pliant little fuck toy.

“Goddammit, so fuckin close,” he cried, your moans and pleas driving him ever closer to the breaking point.

“I fucking love you, Bakugou Katsuki!” You couldn’t hold back the words even as your nerves were overwhelming you with painful pleasure, even as his fingers dug into your flesh and your insides burned with his passion.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. In a rush of pleasure and adoration, he fell off the cliff and into the depths of hedonism. Like a floodgate being opened you were filled with heat, his hips stilling beneath you as a loud, beautiful moan tore out of his chest. You wished you could see his face, but you were too overwhelmed to even think about looking behind you.

Easing his length in and out of your leaking cunt a few more times to draw out his climax, his hands ran over your hips and bottom. They warmed slightly with his quirk to soothe the forming and past bruises there as you both heaved for air.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he huffed, easing you down against his chest. Your skin stuck together with a sheen of sweat, but you couldn’t care less. You simply basked in the feeling of his arms around you and his chest moving beneath you and his heart racing against your ribcage.

“Fuck indeed,” you breathed, reaching behind you to thread your fingers through his damp hair. He sighed heavily at the feeling, his chest lifting you and easing you back down.

“I could die right now a happy man,” he chuckled, his hands roaming your chest and stomach and hips.

His words had your heart dropping in your chest. Did he know? Was he aware of your plans, your mission? Did he figure out that you had been tasked to get close to him so you could assassinate him and rid the world of the shining light he cast in hopes of snuffing out the shadows of villainy?

But how could he? You had never said anything, were a trained assassin, had been taught everything there was to know about stealth, misdirection, infiltration, all of that. And you’d been trained since the age of 6 when you’d been found abandoned on the streets by one of the worst criminal organizations in Japan. The whole situation which led to your “chance meeting” had been a ploy strategically executed where he’d been patrolling that day. Your quirk, “Comply,” had been perfect for this mission because it helped you convince him to give you his number, to let you into his life. But you’d stopped using it months ago when you realized he might truly like you, maybe even love you.

And that’s the part that hurt the most.

Both of your feelings had become genuine, and now you were about to betray that love, that trust, and kill him. And it had to be done tonight. There wasn’t much time left, despite wishing you’d had more of it. But as you’d told yourself so many times before, if you didn’t do it someone else would. And they would make it much worse for him than you would.

“Don’t say that Kats. You don’t know what that means,” you pleaded softly. You tried to focus on the feeling of his softening cock inside you, tried to get your mind to shift to any topic but this as you prayed he would drop the subject. But to no avail.

“But I would. If it meant keeping you safe I would take a bullet to the heart,” he whispered into your ear, placing soft kisses on the shell of it.

You reluctantly rolled off his chest and onto the sheets beside him, resting on your elbows as you looked at him. “Don’t make me think about that, please.” Your eyebrows came together as you begged him to stop, and he looked at you with wide eyes, surprised at your response.

“Y/N, I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he tried to comfort you, easing onto his side, and placing his hand on the back of your head. “But I would still do everything in my power to protect you, you know that, right?”

You nodded sadly, looking down at your hands. “I know you would,” you mumbled. And that’s the problem, you added in your head. Taking a breath, you shook your head slightly to try and clear it. “It’s fine. Let’s just not talk about you dying, yeah?” You looked at him once more, and he nodded with a small smile. “Ok, good. Now I’m gonna go shower and make us some tea.”

“You want me to join you?” Katsuki raised one brow suggestively as the hand he had on the back of your hand traveled downward along your spine, eventually making its way to pinch your ass. You flinched slightly before huffing and pushing back onto your knees out of his reach.

“No dummy, we just went 3 rounds. My poor vagina needs a break. Plus, if you do that we’ll never get out. I wanna watch a movie or something before we have to leave tomorrow. We never get to do that.”

He sighed, “Yeah, guess you’re not wrong. I’ll take one after you.”

You nodded before scrunching your nose playfully. “Good, because you’re stinky. Don’t wanna cuddle with you till you smell good.”

He looked like he wanted to shoot back with a snarky comment, but you scrambled off the bed and clambered down the stairs before he could do that. Heading to the small bathroom, you turned on the shower and looked at yourself in the mirror above the sink. Your hair was a mess, and your neck, shoulders, and chest were all covered in bite marks and hickeys. You ran your fingers over them, noting their positions as they were likely the last ones you’d ever receive. You weren’t sure you’d ever be able to love after Katsuki. You weren’t even sure you’d want to.

Looking down at your hips, you found his fingers had left behind small bruises from how hard he had loved on you, and you found yourself smiling sadly at them. As you stepped into the shower, you let your hand roam between your legs, finding the entire area wet and sticky with a mixture of both of your cum. The fluid was milky and thick, and you couldn’t help but place one finger on your tongue and suck it clean before the water washed away the rest of it. It was salty, the aftertaste earthy and heady.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, you tried to rid your mind of your love and adoration for this man and tried to focus on the task at hand. You started by cleaning yourself, moving through your shower routine almost robotically. You couldn’t think of all the showers you’d taken with Katsuki in the past, couldn’t remember the feeling of his fingers against your scalp as he helped wash your hair, or how he would drag your loofa across your skin and down between your legs in the aftermath of a hot round of sex. If you thought about those things you would lose the nerve to go through with your plan and would lose this prime opportunity.

Turning off the water, you stepped out onto the warm wooden floor and wrapped yourself in a fluffy towel. You didn’t clear the mirror of fog as you normally would because you knew you wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of yourself right now. Instead, you just dried yourself off and slid into the silk camisole and shorts you’d brought with you. Opening the door, you turned toward the kitchen and found Katsuki in his full naked glory standing at the counter with a pot on the stove, making what you assumed to be popcorn.

“Makin’ snacks for our movie?” You asked, even though you knew the answer.

He nodded, watching as you found the kettle and filled it with enough water for two cups of tea. “Well you can’t have a movie night without popcorn, idiot,” he replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I can finish it,” you gestured toward the pot handle. “You can go shower. It’ll be ready by the time you’re done.” You’d be lying if you said you didn’t use a hint of your quirk there, needing him to be in the shower so you could prepare for what was to come.

“Ok, just make sure you don’t burn it,” he smiled, grabbing the sweats and tee he had brought down with him.

“I won’t burn it you doof,” you rolled your eyes and took the handle he offered you. “Go shower so you don’t stink anymore.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” he groaned, putting his hands up in surrender. He chuckled as he made his way to the bathroom, however, he stopped outside the door to turn and look at you with a sly grin on his lips. “You should order me around more. It’s kinda hot.”

You felt your cheeks warm at his words and looked down at the pot in front of you. He laughed at that, and made his way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. As you heard the water turn on, you waited a few moments until you were sure he’d gotten in before making your move. Using all the stealth you’d learned over your years of working for villain organizations you made your way upstairs. Since you’d been here for a few days you knew where the stairs and floor were creaky, so you carefully avoided those areas.

Picking your way over to your bag, you reached into an inside pocket where you had a bottle that held pain relief pills. Pouring them into your hand, you searched for the one that looked different, just slightly off-white compared to the white pain relief pills. Making your way quickly back downstairs as the popcorn began popping, you retrieved two mugs from the cupboard and dropped the tablet in the left mug.

The water was just coming to a boil as you placed the tea bags in each mug. Shaking the popcorn pot once more, you filled both mugs, starting with the left one to give the tablet ample time to dissolve. It was a neurotoxin that was colorless, tasteless, and odorless. Mixed with the tea, it would kill him within minutes. That would give you enough time to hopefully explain the situation and get the guilt off your chest, at least as much as possible. It would always be there, and you’d simply have to live with that.

Pouring out some of the popcorn into a large bowl, you recovered it and placed it back on the stove to let the rest of it pop. Your heartbeat was slowly increasing as you stirred the teas, watching as the tablet dissolved and mixed with the hot beverage. As the water turned off in the bathroom, you poured out the rest of the popcorn, took a deep breath, and placed the pot in the sink.

You heard the door open a few minutes later to reveal a freshly cleaned Bakugou Katsuki as he rubbed at his hair to dry it. The strands were soft and damp beneath the towel, and you wanted nothing more than to run your fingers through them and kiss him silly. He looked so at peace in his light grey sweats and t-shirt, and if you ignored what you were about to do to him you could imagine you really were just about to sit down and have a nice movie night together.

“It doesn’t smell like burnt popcorn,” he chuckled as he stepped beside you and looked at the white snack. “I’d say that’s a win.”

“Katsu, that was one time,” you whined, putting your hand on his face, and pushing him away playfully.

He laughed heartily, grabbing you by the wrist and gently pulling you against him. “Babe, you almost caught the whole kitchen on fire. There’s a reason I’m the one who does most of the cooking.”

“I do some of it,” you huffed, pouting dramatically. “And I haven’t caught anything on fire since then.”

He shook his head, still grinning. “No, I suppose you haven’t. Still doesn’t mean you’re a master in the kitchen though.”

“Yeah, well, I’m better than I used to be so that’s something.” You shrugged against his chest.

“It is, I’ll give you that. You’re a very good sous chef.”

Sighing, you pulled back enough to look up at him. “Okay. Here’s the big question: what should we watch?”

He chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he leaned back against the counter, his hands coming to rest on your hips. “I don’t know, you got anything in mind?”

You pretended to think, already knowing your answer. “Not sure… What’s your favorite movie ever? You’re into sappy romance shit, right?”

Katsuki scoffed, brows nearly meeting in the middle as he scowled at you. “N-No, where would you get that idea?”

“That right there would be my answer,” you grinned, noting his stutter. “So, what’s your fave? The Notebook? Titanic?”

He growled, eyes looking anywhere but your own as his cheeks glowed a faint, lovely shade of pink. “None of that shit, idiot,” he grumbled. “It- it’s Totoro…” The final words were nearly too quiet to hear, but you caught them, nonetheless.

“My Neighbor Totoro?” You clarified, and he nodded shallowly. “Well, that’s great, because that’s my comfort movie. So, we’re watching that.”

He sighed, leaning his head back in mock defeat. “If you insist,” he groaned dramatically. A chuckle slipped from your lips, which you briefly pressed against the pulse beating in his neck, savoring the feel of it while you still could.

“I do. Now let’s go get cozy and watch that shit.” You reached behind him to grab the bowl of popcorn and took him by the hand, half dragging and half guiding him toward the couch. You purposely left the mugs of tea on the counter, hoping to get just a little more time with him before the end.

As you placed the bowl on the coffee table, he flopped onto the couch, making sure to take up as much room as possible as a shit-eating grin spread across his face. As you turned to sit, you placed your hands on your hips and tried your best to look annoyed as a smile tugged at the corners of your own mouth.

“And where am I supposed to sit?”

He spread his arms and made grabby hands, a gesture he only made once in a blue moon when he was feeling particularly domestic. “Right here, obviously.”

With a playful huff, you climbed aboard, straddling his hips as you settled atop his chest. It took some adjusting, as the piece of furniture wasn’t all that big, but eventually you found a comfortable position where no limbs should fall asleep, and you were nestled squarely in his arms. He had even managed to spread a blanket over the both of you.

“You’re my very own weighted blanket,” he chuckled as you used the remote to search for the movie.

“And you’re my own personal space heater, so I guess we’re even,” you retorted, poking him in the cheek. You selected the movie and placed the remote on the table before you, realizing that the popcorn you had made was somewhat inaccessible due to the position the two of you were in. You decided to leave it there in favor of spending the remainder of your time with Katsuki tangled up together. You couldn’t be bothered to worry about the white snack when he was so all-encompassing anyway.

“Shush, dumbass. The movie is starting,” he quipped, hand coming up to flick you on the tip of the nose. You playfully huffed and swatted at his hand, before returning your own to rest atop his shoulder. He was right, though. The opening scene played, and you hummed along to the song that introduced the movie.

As it played out before you, it took everything in you to not cry. Knowing this was the last bit of time you’d be spending with him had a sense of finality to it that you wished you never had to feel in the first place. As his fingers eased their way beneath your silken shirt, he ran them across your skin at a pace that would have anyone else falling asleep in his arms. But your current predicament had your nerves on fire and your mind racing, even as one of the most calming movies you’d ever seen played out before you.

Very few words were spoken as you reveled in each other’s presence. You weren’t sure you’d even be able to form words as the lump in your throat grew nearly unbearable. You could hardly breathe, and you knew that at any point you could break down in tears. Nevertheless, you had to stay strong-willed and determined. This had to be done tonight, by you, or it would just be so much worse for both of you.

“I love you, Katsuki. You know that, right?” You mumbled the words against Katsuki’s chest as the movie neared its conclusion.

“Course I do, little one.” His voice was soft as one of his hands came to rest on the back of your hair.

“No, like I really love you. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore, and I am terrified of the day I lose you. Whether that’s tomorrow or fifty years from now. It’s going to be the worst day of my life.”

He sighed, drawn out and thoughtful. His fingernails ran gently over your scalp, and you allowed your eyes to fall shut at the feeling. “What’s got your mind going to such a dark place, baby?”

You were silent for a moment, hoping to make it a bit closer to the end of the movie before starting to give anything away in the slightest. After all, he hadn’t ingested any of the neurotoxin yet, so you couldn’t raise any suspicions yet.

“I don’t know, I just get really worried sometimes when I see you on the news fighting all these shitty villains. Even though I know you’re stronger than them, I can never stop wondering if one of these days someone is going to get the upper hand and seriously hurt you.” You gripped the material of his shirt as you whispered the next words. “Or even kill you. I would fall apart. Sometimes the thought makes my chest hurt so bad I have to go somewhere quiet and just cry.” Your words weren’t a lie, but you couldn’t tell him that you were going to be the person about to get said upper hand.

Katsuki took in your words seriously, letting them sink in as the end credits began to roll. You could practically hear the gears in his head whizzing as he formulated some kind of answer that might ease your worries. But that was a difficult thing to do when you loved someone as much as you loved each other, and one member of the relationship was constantly putting themselves in danger’s way for their career.

“Do you believe in me?”

His response made you pause. Of course, you believed in him. You knew that this man could do anything he put his brilliant mind to. He could solve any problem, defeat any villain, save any person he wanted to. But what would he do against a poison that would kill him within minutes in such a remote place? The antidote would be nowhere near close enough to save him in time as you had brought none with you. So, while you believed in him in every other situation imaginable, you couldn’t say you did in this particular instance.

“Of course I do,” you murmured.

The hand which had been running along the length of your spine came to ease your head up to face him, your chin resting against his collarbone. Tears had begun to sting your eyes as you looked at his own determined ones.

“Then I need you to trust that I will always come back for you,” he stated, his tone indicating that he took those words as a fact. Those words weren’t just a flimsy promise, but an oath. And that was what had your tears falling yet again. They slipped from the corners of your glassy eyes and cascaded down your cheeks, only to be brushed away by careful, comforting fingers.

“But what about the day that you don’t? What do I do then? Where will blind faith get me when I’m standing here alone without you?” Your bottom lip trembled as you whispered your fears into the quiet between you. “You are my compass, Katsuki. I’m lost without you.”

“Y/N, even after I’m dead and gone I will still be with you. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m too much of a stubborn bastard to let something as trivial as death separate us, right?” He tried to sound upbeat, obviously eager to get off the topic of his inevitable fate but still hoping to ease your worries.

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you let him wipe the last of your tears away. “Yeah, sounds like you.”

“And here you are doubting my resolve like a damn idiot,” he grinned softly. “Why don’t we go grab some fresh tea and we can head up and read or cuddle before bed, yeah?”

You nodded, trying to ignore the way your stomach dropped at the reminder of the tea. “Yeah, that sounds nice. ‘Bout time we get off this tiny damn couch.”

He chuckled, easing the blanket off your body, and helping you maneuver off his chest and onto solid ground. As you stretched your arms above your head to get the blood flowing once more, he reached over to place a playful smack on the exposed skin of your ass. Whipping around to give a halfhearted glare, you were greeted with the sight of a sly grin and adoring eyes as he tucked his hands behind his head and crossed his legs against the arm of the couch.

“Just admiring the view, babe. Can’t go around lookin’ like that and expect me to keep my hands to myself the whole time.”

Rolling your eyes, you fought a smile as you made your way to the counter. Now came the moment of truth. You’d thought over how you would approach getting him to drink the tea throughout the entire movie and had come up with what you hoped was a decent plan. You opened the microwave door and picked up both mugs, placing them on the glass dish inside. You placed his with the handle facing the wall of the device while the handle of yours pointed toward the center of the dish. That way, even if they were in a different position when the timer went off you’d still be able to tell which was which.

“No, no, no. What the hell are you doing, dumbass?” He called from the couch as he sat up. You turned to grin at him.

“I figured that while in America we should do as the Americans, just once. I want to see how it turns out,” you giggled. “I’ve seen people trying it on TikTok and I wanted to do it myself. And I’m making you do it with me.”

Katsuki scoffed, nose scrunching up at the thought. “The thought that you’re about to microwave that shit when you could make a perfectly good cup in five minutes is repulsive.” He grunted softly as he stood, following your lead, and stretching languidly. As he did, his shirt rose and exposed how dangerously low riding his sweats were. The dark trail of hair disappearing beneath them had your mouth watering, clouding your mind briefly before he dropped his arms, and you snapped back to reality.

Turning back to the microwave, you shut the door and set it for a minute before hitting start. That should be enough time to get the liquid piping hot, enough to get him to wait until you were upstairs to drink it. Though Katsuki was notorious for drinking his beverages at a much higher temperature than the average person, so you planned to carry it upstairs yourself anyway.

“When in Rome, do as the Romans, right?” As the plate started spinning you kept your grip on the door handle, needing to hold onto something to keep your balance. Your head was swimming as the reality of your situation truly sank in. You were really about to assassinate not just your lover, but the number two hero in all of Japan. A man who was supposed to be invincible, untouchable.

And he had absolutely no idea, so far as you knew.

There was a haziness to your mind from then on as you forced yourself into the headspace of the assassin you were by trade. That would be the only way you could get through this without coming clean and dooming you both. You had to block out any feelings that may slip in and compromise the mission.

Your stupor was shattered by the sharp stabs of the microwave timer, and you almost robotically opened the door and pulled out the mugs. Katsuki had made his way over to the base of the stairs and waited patiently as you padded over to join him. He made no move to take his cup from your hand, just allowed you to go up first with a steadying hand placed lightly on your hip.

Making your way over to his side of the bed, you placed his mug down on the polished hardwood side table and moved to your own side. He climbed onto the mattress, which he had hastily covered with the duvet after you’d gone to shower. There was a throw blanket on the floor which you picked up and tossed at him playfully, aiming right at his face. You had to keep this as normal as possible so he wouldn’t suspect anything.

“Hey, watch it brat,” he huffed, pulling the fabric from his head and grinning at you. You found a similar expression spreading over your own features as you put down your own mug and leaped on top of him. A grunt escaped his lungs at the impact, and you went as limp as possible in an attempt to hold him down.

That grunt was followed by a low, rumbling laugh as he threw the blanket over you, rolling you up like a burrito and trapping you beneath his body. The entire time you found yourself giggling uncontrollably, reverting to a natural, lovesick state of mind for what might be the last time. You squirmed beneath him, trying to escape, but he simply straddled your hips with his powerful legs and framed your head with his arms, staring down at you with glittering, mirthful eyes.

“This is what brats get, yeah?”

“Katsuki~” You groaned through your laughter. “You can’t just put me in a taco every time I annoy you!”

“Oh yes I can,” he shrugged, one brow lifting as he rocked back to sit on your thighs. His chest lowered to lay atop your own, and you huffed as he crossed his arms across your chest and rested his chin on them with that shit-eating grin. “I wish I could just wrap you up and put you in my pocket all the time, actually.”

You chuckled again, attempting to free one of your hands to no avail. “It would probably be gross and sweaty in there.” You feigned a look of disgust, at which he laughed once more.

“That’s probably not wrong, though you’d deserve it after being such a little shithead.”

“Yeah? Well…” you tried to think of a snarky retort but found yourself losing your train of thought as his eyes softened. “Well, you’re just a-a nerd, so ha!”

A puff of air made its way from his nose as he lifted his chin to allow one hand to come up and caress your face. “I thought you liked nerds,” he murmured, fingers running over your skin as you pouted slightly. “Means I’m smart right?”

“Well of course you’re smart, idiot. Doesn’t mean you’re not still a nerd. I mean, just look at your All Might shrine at home! That’s nerd behavior.”

Laughter shook through the both of you as Katsuki buried his face in your chest. It was genuine, from the heart. It was also one of your favorite sounds in the world, and you tried to savor it as it happened so rarely. Not to mention that this would be the last time you’d hear it.

“I guess you’re right on that one,” he choked out through his fits of delight. “It kinda is a shrine, ain’t it?”

His joy was contagious it seemed; you began to shake with your own laughter. “Yes, it absolutely is!”

As the two of you settled he raised his head once more to look you in the eye. His face was a fair shade of pink and the humor still sparkled in his expression as he raised himself enough to press a sweet kiss to your neck. Your giggles petered out soon after as his lips climbed the column of your throat, then across your jaw and up the other side of your face, following the path of your hairline. They smoothed out the slight line between your brows and trailed down the bridge of your nose, and all the while he murmured soft praises against your skin.

“I love you more than All Might any day of the week, sweetheart. You’re the most captivating, fascinating, quick-witted person I know. The best lover I’ve ever had. You’re my everything.”

His love swept over the apples of your cheeks; your eyes fluttered shut and you savored that love as it filled the cavity of your soon-to-be-empty chest. He paused, lips just a hairsbreadth away from yours as he seemed to think over his next statement.

“I hope you know that I will always love you.” The words were barely audible, yet they took all that warmth that had just spread throughout your body and crumpled it up into a cold, dead weight that settled into the pit of your stomach. As Katsuki’s lips made contact with yours, one hand coming to cradle your head as the other held him aloft, you felt tears prick at the backs of your eyes.

The kiss lasted but a moment, yet it left you breathless and dazed. He lifted himself from his position above you, moving off to the side to settle against the pillows. He watched with a small smile as you struggled to free yourself, with no help from him. As he waited, he reached over to pick up his cup, and you forced yourself back into that cold headspace as you prepared for the inevitable.

He waited, however, until you had escaped your fluffy binds and sat beside him, your mug in hand. You took a sip, finding the liquid still scalding against your tongue. He snickered as you flinched away from it, quickly breathing in and out through your mouth in an attempt to cool your scorched skin. You noticed from the corner of your eye as he took a big gulp of his tea, and you had to fight the voice screaming in the back of your mind to stop him. To warn him that it was going to be the end of him.

He slung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side before taking another sip and resting the cup on his leg. “I mean, it’s certainly not as good as fresh tea, but it’s not as bad as I had expected,” he shrugged, referencing the fact that it had been microwaved.

“Heh, yeah, not wrong I guess.” You forced your lips to curl up at the corners as you took an actual sip of your beverage. There was silence for a long moment, the tension unlike anything you had ever experienced with the explosive man beside you, as you prepared to come clean. He took one more sip, and you took a deep breath.

Now or never.

“Katsuki, listen… I-”

“I know,” he cut you off gently, softly, as if he didn’t want to scare you off. Your head snapped up to look at him, only to find his blank gaze fixed on the tea in his hand. “I already know,” he stated once more as you looked at him with thinly veiled shock.

“W-what do you know? What are you talking about?” You knew you should play this incredibly safely just in case he wasn’t privy to the actual plan.

“I know that this tea is poisoned. I know you were sent to kill me. I know who you’re working for.” His voice was sad, almost regretful as he met your gaze. “I know everything.” You couldn’t speak for a long moment, simply staring at him with slowly widening eyes as he gave you a sad smile.

“How do you…” Your voice trailed off, your mouth going unbearably dry as you tried your best to wrap your head around what he was saying.

“I’ve only known for a few weeks. Intel came in about a group that was planning to kill me, your group. Word had it that they’d gotten an assassin to infiltrate my inner circle in order to take me out quietly, and I wracked my head for days trying to figure out who it could be. Every path I followed brought me to one person: you.” He leaned over to place his steaming mug on the table before licking his lips to remove any remaining liquid and returning to you. “You were the only person who had gotten close enough to have even the slightest chance of taking me out in the last couple years, the only new variable in my life that could have presented such a threat. And even though I didn’t want to believe it – fuck, I still don’t want to believe it – I knew in my heart that it was you…”

“Katsuki, I-” You choked on guilt and remorse over the knowledge that he knew. He had figured it out. You knew this man was brilliant, that he was the number two hero for a reason. You’d seen him in action more times than you could count at this point, and he never failed to amaze and impress you with both his physical and mental prowess. So, you weren’t sure why it was coming as such a surprise that he had figured this out.

“Y/N, it’s okay,” he whispered. His free hand reached over to loop under your legs, easing them across his lap so he cradled you close to his chest. “I get it. I understand why you had to do this. Your life was on the line, right?”

You felt all the tension in your body at that moment, your hands shaking slightly and your mind racing. “Yeah,” you croaked. “If I didn’t do it they were going to torture and kill me…”

He sighed softly, his hand running soothingly up and down your leg. “Kinda figured the bastards would do that. And was the plan the same for me too?”

You nodded silently, tucking your hands between both of your chests and curling into him. You were ashamed and slightly horrified that he had found out already. You were also dully angry at yourself for not realizing it sooner. Surely he had to have acted differently in the last few weeks, right? He’d have to be insane to just accept his death like that, especially having the status and influence that he had… He was the symbol of victory, after all. He couldn’t afford to lose; it would disrupt the whole society of Japan just like your gang wanted.

“Why are you just letting me kill you, Katsuki?” You had to know, the words slipping through your lips like the silk of your shirt through his fingers.

He was quiet for a moment, thinking over his response. “Do you remember what I told you earlier?” You tried to think back on what he could be referring to, but you were having trouble recalling anything but the current moment, so you shook your head. “I told you that if it meant keeping you safe I was willing to die for you. And I meant it. I knew that at some point you were going to have to do this, and I kinda figured it would happen sometime while we were here. It would give you the smallest chance of getting caught, and the highest chance of escape. It makes a lot of s-sense, really.” His voice faltered as he spoke, and your head snapped up to look at him.

His skin was growing sallow, and beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead. The poison was starting to kick in.

You quickly moved to straddle his lap, bringing your hands to cup his chin as the reality of the situation threatened to crush you into a million tiny shards. “I’m sorry, Katsuki,” you cried, tears once again forming in your eyes as his clammy fingers slipped under your shirt to caress the skin of your sides. “I just couldn’t let them torture you. I know how strong and capable you are, but no one who’s stood against them has survived. They would have killed you, or at least hurt you to the point that you’d be out of action for the rest of your life. Which I know for you might as well mean death. I just- I couldn’t let them do that…”

“I know baby, I know,” he murmured. There was a dull thump as his head fell back against the headboard and he fought to keep his eyes open. “I just need you to know that everything I felt for you was real, still is real. And I’m sure it may have just started as a mission for you, but I’m pretty sure-” He broke off to take a deep breath, swallowing dryly. “I’m pretty fuckin’ sure you loved me too by the end of it, right?”

You nodded vigorously, the tears breaking the confines of your eyelashes and flooding down your cheeks as you fought for air. “I absolutely did. I love you more than anything, Bakugou Katsuki. I was an orphan when they took me in, and I was raised as a killer. I never thought I’d find love, but then you saved me that day, and we went on that date, and I knew that I was fucked.”

He chuckled wryly, coaxing a similar sound from your own lips. “That was a setup, right?” You nodded slowly, hating to admit it even as he was dying. “And do you have a quirk?”

Again, you nodded. “It’s called Comply. But I only used it a couple times before everything became so natural that I had no need for it anymore… I could tell that I was going to be completely empty after I carried this out.” Your voice shook with emotion as you tried to make him out clearly through the blurriness of your tears.

He slowly, shakily raised a hand to your face and brushed his thumb under your eye, his touch weak compared to how firm it usually was when he swept away your tears. “Please don’t blame yourself, love,” he muttered, brows furrowing. “I know you didn’t choose this.”

A guttural sob ripped from your throat as you collapsed into him, burying your face in his shoulder, and wrapping your arms around his neck. One hand came to cushion the back of his head, your fingers threading through his hair as you tried to hold him back from the throes of oblivion. His skin was feverish and clammy as the toxin spread through his body, and you attempted to hide your sorrow, tried to let him go peacefully.

“All I ask is this,” he whispered. You lifted your head slowly, using the hand not supporting his head to scrub at your eyes so you could see him a bit more clearly before nodding. “Escape. Tell them the mission is done, do whatever you have to do after this to hide the evidence. But once that’s all done-” he took a ragged breath, eyes fluttering shut as he tried to stay conscious. “After that get the fuck outta here, got it?”

“G-got it,” you forced out. Your lips trembled as you fought back more tears, attempting to stay strong even as the man you loved was dying in your arms. “I promise.”

He nodded, smiling slightly. “Good. Those bastards can f-fuck off. They won’t be able t-to hurt you anymore. Once you finish up here, destroy your phone so they can’t track you. There’s a new one in my bag that’s all set up with everything you could need. Contacts for all the top pros, my family… m-my bank information. That’s signed over to your name, so you have access to it all. My passwords for different accounts are in there too in case you need ‘em.” His eyes opened slowly, clouded with some emotion that you couldn’t quite place. But you could see the tears in them, and your heart, or at least what was left of it, was stuck in your throat at the sight of them. You had only seen him look like that just a few times.

“Katsuki I-”

“Once you get somewhere safe contact Deku. Tell him what’s happened. B-be honest with him, ‘kay?” His words were quicker now, like he knew his time was near and he needed to get everything out. “He’s gonna be a fuckin’ wreck, but if you explain everything, and you tell him that this was m-my choice to let it happen, he’ll come around eventually. But I’m assuming they’re gonna come for him next, and I want him to be prepared. I’ve left videos for everyone important on that phone. Do me a favor and share ‘em with the people they’re meant for, ‘kay?”

“Of course I will, Kats. Anything for you,” your voice shook like the last leaves of the season in a cold winter wind.

Katsuki chuckled gently, letting the hand that caressed your face drop to entwine his fingers with your own. “It’s also got all our photos and videos on it too…” His voice was sad, with a hint of anger over the reality he was facing. “It’s got a-” A ragged cough burst from his lungs, accompanied by a light spray of blood that had you cringing. “Got a video on there f’r you too,” he rasped, determined to say what he needed to say even as his speech was strained, somewhat slurred. It cut you like a knife.

A fresh wave of tears spilled down your face, the crystalline droplets falling to your joined hands. “I’m just so fucking sorry Kats…” You tried to suppress your panic and sorrow, so as not to let him witness it in his final moments, but you realized that would be insincere, especially when you’d been hiding such a huge secret this whole time. So, you let any walls crumble in the looming shadow that was his imminent death.

“I know, sweet girl. So am I. Sorry I never got t’ marry you, never got t’ start a f-family, grow old, all that s-sappy shit…” The blood that had sprayed from his lungs now stained his lips, creeping between the cracks and providing the most color anywhere on his ashen face. “Most of all, ‘m sorry you were f-forced to do this. But y’know what ‘m not sorry for?”

You shook your head, wondering what on earth he could find positive in this situation.

“’m not sorry I met you… got to love you, got to have you in my life, even if just for a little while. L-like I said… y’r the best thing that’s ever happened to me. ‘nd I mean it. E-even if y’r the end of me, I’ll love you even from the grave.”

“Katsuki…” He struggled to bring your hand up and pressed his smiling lips to the back of it. “I love you too, so fucking much… I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I-”

You were cut off as he mustered what was left of his strength to lean forward and capture your lips in a gentle kiss. It tasted of blood and tears, defeat and anguish, but there was a sweetness to it as well. There was forgiveness and understanding and love that had you aching deep in your soul. As he broke off his head slumped forward, landing heavily on your shoulder as he took labored, uneven breaths.

“It’s alright, Y/N. I would have stopped ya if there was any other way…” His breath was hot against your skin, his grip on your hand limp. “It was m-my choice. Y’r worth it.”

“No, I’m not! You are so important to so many people, to all of Japan! You keep people safe, give them hope,” you sobbed, burying your face in his hair, and cradling him as close as possible, as he had done earlier. “I’m just some worthless orphan who only hurts people and brings people pain and suffering.”

His head shook minutely against your skin. “Not to me,” he breathed. “You’re m-my… my everything, got it? You better go on livin’ ‘kay? Otherwise ‘m gonna beat ya up in the afterlife. ‘Nd ya better not just live… Do something g-great. Go somewhere beautiful f’r me, yeah? Go on an adventure. Otherwise, I’ll haunt you.” He could hardly get the words out, but as he did you felt small pinpricks of heat on your exposed thighs. You didn’t need to look down to know it was his blood, vibrant and red as his eyes.

You nodded fervently, kissing whatever places on his face you could reach. “I will, I promise I will. And I’ll send the videos and warn Izuku and… and I’ll go somewhere b-beautiful. I just wish you could come with me.”

“I do too…”

There was a moment of silence between you that was filled with so much emotion it was nearly overwhelming. There was sadness most of all, under which brewed anger and resentment and regret. But there was also love, understanding, and what you could only describe as… hope. Hope for your future, hope that you could eventually find peace, or at least something close. That you would finally be able to live for yourself without having to go on killing and suffering at the hands of villains that only wanted to use you.

You lifted his head from your shoulder with a gentle hand and rested your forehead against his. “I love you, Bakugou Katsuki. More than anything.”

“And I love you too, Y/N. You’ve made my life worth living,” he whispered into the space between you. “Keep living, got it brat?”

“You got it, shithead,” you laughed weakly, before kissing him softly. You hoped to convey all of your love, passion, regret, and heartache through that final gesture. Yet all you felt in return was love, adoration even. It gave you hope that, despite the fact that you would never be quite the same, you may be able to find some modicum of peace in the future.

With a final wheezing breath, Katsuki broke away from the kiss, his body going limp and sagging against your own. His fingers were still entwined with your own, only his grip had gone slack. His skin was still damp and hot, but when you placed your fingers on the artery in his neck you only felt stillness. A lack of pulse.

Death.

You have no concept of how long you sat there weeping over his motionless body, holding him against your chest as you mourned him. Mourned the loss of the only person you’d ever loved. The stillness of his body against you was eerie. The lack of breath against your skin had you feeling cold, even as his own body lost its heat. His skin grew ghostly, and his limbs stiffened as you grieved.

It was really done. He was really dead.

It had been about 6 months since you had assassinated Bakugou Katsuki, and to say your life had changed would be a serious understatement.

Hiding the evidence hadn’t been difficult. You had spent the entirety of that night scouring and bleaching every possible surface of any biological evidence that you may have left behind, and you even destroyed the bed sheets and towels, replacing them with identical ones. Thankfully you and Katsuki had booked the place under aliases, knowing that there was certainly a chance of your vacation spot being leaked to the public had he used his real name.

Disposing of Katsuki, however, proved to be more of a challenge.

You ended up cremating him, figuring that would be the easiest way to lay him to rest while also minimizing your chances of his remains being found. After you had finished clearing the cabin of any evidence you packed the car with both of your belongings before carrying him out to the firepit by the river. You sat and watched as the flames consumed him, finding it the slightest bit poetic that such an explosive man would go out like this. By the time the sun rose, you were still sitting before the smoldering ashes, tears long since dried on your skin and limbs sore from how long you had sat still. The weight of him rested on your shoulders long after he had burned away, and you could still feel him there to this day.

You had gathered his ashes and scattered them in the river, allowing them to wash away before you returned to the car the two of you had rented. Taking one last look at the cabin, at the location where your heart and soul had gone to die, you had sent one final message to your boss before obliterating your phone:

[ It’s done. ]

You now found yourself in Greece, settled in a nice little villa situated on a mountain overlooking a turquoise sea. As you sat on your balcony the wind tugged at your hair, and you paused to take in the setting sun. The sky was a vibrant orange, the shade of which almost perfectly matched the color of the trademark “X” that had once adorned a certain Pro’s uniform.

You found him in everyday life, almost constantly reminded. When you woke to a cold bed at the start of a new day. As you watched children run through the streets on a warm summer evening with sparklers in hand. Sometimes you still found yourself cooking double portions of meals, tearily packing up the leftovers for later. When songs you used to dance to in your pajamas would play as you sat in a café, alone.

And that wasn’t even mentioning the phone. It contained every picture he had ever taken. Every selfie, every candid, every unflattering angle… And while there were plenty of the two of you, most of them were just you, taken from his perspective. They were moments that he had thought were worth capturing. Some were on dates, where you had put some effort into your appearance even if it was just a nice dinner together at home. But others you had no idea he had taken. Images of you asleep on his chest, doing your makeup, hard at work on your computer, and making a stern, concentrated face…

They were moments when he had found you beautiful, as he had told you in a letter you’d found in his notes app, where he had left you a plethora of love letters he had written to you over the time you had spent together.

You had also made sure to follow his final instructions and sent the videos to the proper recipients. As Katsuki had predicted, Deku had been an absolute mess when he had found out about the fate of his best friend. However, after watching the video Katsuki had made him, Midoriya had insisted he didn’t blame you. He had also sworn to find and defeat the group you had worked for, and with your assistance, he and the Hero Commission did just that. They brought down the entire organization, freeing you of the fear of being sucked back into their clutches, or being captured and tortured for trying to escape in the first place.

The one thing you hadn’t mustered was the courage to watch the video intended for you.

It sat untouched in the camera roll just waiting for you to gather the fortitude to see what he had to say to you. Out of respect for those which he had left other videos for, you hadn’t watched those either, so you really didn’t know what to expect. You only knew that when you finally hit play you were in for a world of emotion.

But tonight, you had finally convinced yourself to press the button. With a glass of his favorite wine in hand and the Dynamight plushie he had bought you almost a year ago hugged to your chest, you tried to prepare yourself for the torrent of feelings you were about to undergo. With your headphones on snuggly in order to immerse yourself in the presence of your lover and to minimize distractions, you started the video.

“Hey dumbass,” he started. The sound of his voice had you choking up already, but you didn’t want to cry yet, so you held back your emotion. “So, I’m guessing you probably waited a while to watch this, right? You were probably scared to because it would mean admitting to yourself that I’m gone. Well, I’m gonna say right now that I think that’s bullshit. I’m right here, idiot. I always will be. All of this shit is backed up on the cloud, so even if you lose this phone it’s all still gonna be there. Can’t get rid of me that easy.” His chuckle was laidback, almost carefree. As if he wasn’t recording a message to be watched after a death he knew was coming.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s taken me a while to record this for you. I’ve already done everyone else’s because I had to really think about what to say to you, and I’m pretty sure this is attempt number eight? Maybe number nine… I don’t fuckin’ know. What I’m tryin’ to say is that I know you’re probably hurting the most out of everyone right now. Yeah, my family is probably crushed, and shitty Deku probably feels responsible or whatever… But you?” He paused, looking away from the camera for a moment in thought. You felt tears welling in your eyes as he continued somewhat carefully.

“You were the one who had to carry out your mission. And I just want you to know that, in a weird kinda way, I respect that. You had to do what you had to do. For the sake of yourself, and in a way… for my sake. They were probably planning on killing both of us if you didn’t do it on your own, right? And it would probably include a lot of pain and suffering, if all the intel we’ve gathered on these bastards is correct. They seem like real assholes, y’know?” You couldn’t help but smile gently at his words, as he didn’t even know how true they were at the time.

“But I don’t want you to blame yourself, got it? I obviously don’t know all the specifics of your situation, but I do know one thing. I know that you’re one of the most thoughtful, caring, and kind people I have ever met. And even if everything else has been part of an act, I don’t think those things can be faked.” There were those goddamn tears again. They began to blur your vision, and you took a moment to wipe them away before they could fall.

“I don’t think your love is fake either.” His voice was soft and seemed to be slightly strained. “Everything I feel from you in that respect seems… very genuine. At least I really fuckin’ hope it’s real. Because I know that everything I feel for you is as real as it gets. And I swear to god if you don’t actually love me back, even just a little, I’m gonna come back and haunt you from the dead, got it brat?” If you weren’t mistaken you thought you could see tears starting to form in his eyes even as you found yourself chuckling at his faux aggression.

“I just- I’m sorry that you have to do this… Heh, weird that I’m the one apologizing when you’re the one that has to fuckin’ kill me. But, while I plan on telling you this in person before it happens, and I’m pretty sure I know when it’s gonna be happening…” He paused and took a deep, stabilizing breath before trucking on.

“I would do anything to protect you, Y/N. I would go to war, stop a train, take a bullet straight to the heart… I am willing to die for you if it means you won't have to deal with those scumbags anymore. I’m hoping that after this all goes down and I’m dead and gone you’ll be able to escape them. I’m putting together a contingency plan, hence all the videos and shit. I want you to be able to live for yourself, finally, instead of having to live your life as a criminal, constantly putting yourself in danger and having to do what those assholes want you to do.”

You took a breath as he paused again, reaching up to scrub at his eyes, which had steadily been growing red with impending tears. “I honestly don't know what else to say, but I don’t want to end this yet…” He chuckled somewhat ruefully, his brows coming together in a look of what you could only describe as defeat.

“I guess I should say that I was uh… I was planning to propose in a couple months. I don’t want to make you hurt worse than you probably already are, but I don’t want to hide that. I’m probably not going to before it all goes down, but I uh, I kinda bought a ring and everything. I gave it to my ma and told her not to give it to you till you asked for it. I figured you might not want it, so I didn’t wanna tell you about it. Guess I wanted to wait till you watched this, so you’d get the full picture on where I stand with the whole situation. If you want the ring, just tell her you watched this and decided to get it. But I understand if it would be too painful to have a reminder of me sitting on your finger every day… A reminder of everything that happened…”

Your hand came up to cover your mouth as you paused the video. You needed to take a moment to process what he was saying. He was going to propose? He had already bought the ring? Tears were flowing down your cheeks freely now, and your heart felt so heavy it seemed like you had a sandbag on your chest. You had thought about what it would be like to marry him, sure, but you had never allowed yourself to seriously entertain the idea as it was too painful to imagine such a thing while knowing what you’d eventually have to do to him. Hitting play, you resumed the video.

“Just know it’s there if you want it. Guess it could be a reminder of my love for you. Of how much I truly care for you. I just need you to get it through your thick skull that I really do love you. Even if it was all for the sake of a mission, which I kinda refuse to believe, what I feel for you is, and always will be, real. Even after I’m dead I’ll still love you.”

As the timer on the bottom of the video steadily scrolled toward the end you could see a few tears falling down his cheeks as he chose to forgo wiping them away. “Well, uh, I guess that’s pretty much all I had to say then. You better not be curled up in a ball somewhere dark and dingey wasting away and letting your sadness eat you alive, dumbass. I want you to go out there and take life by the fuckin’ balls. You deserve to live for yourself from now on. I probably told you this before I left you, but all of my bank accounts have been signed over to you, so hopefully, money won’t be a problem for the rest of your life. For fuck’s sake, I don’t even know why I get paid so much, but I have literally no clue what to do with it all, so it should at least get you pretty far. Do something fun. Travel the world. Go on an adventure and do something you’ve always wanted to do, ‘kay?”

He had indeed signed over all of his accounts to you, and when you accessed them for the first time the numbers you found sent your head spinning. He also had copious amounts of money invested in numerous companies, so the numbers kept increasing over time as well. When you had gone over it all with a financial advisor, she had instructed you on how to keep everything in order and how to properly invest in the future, if you so desired.

“I just ask that you take care of my family if they ever need it,” he pleaded gently. His eyes had softened as he brought up his loved ones. “I’ve already left ‘em a buncha money, which is probably surprising considering the huge amount you hopefully have already found in the accounts I signed over to you, but like I said the Commission pays me a disgusting amount. It’s honestly kinda ridiculous… all of that money could be going to something much better, but I digress… If they ever need something, promise me you’ll help ‘em out, alright? They’re probably fuckin’ wrecks over the fact that I’m gone, and while I’ve explained everything in their video, they may appreciate it coming from you as well. I just hope you guys can come to terms with each other. Because as you know my ma can be… a lot,” he chuckled sadly.

“Just know I love the fuck outta you, and I’m so proud of you for having to get through all the bullshit you’ve been through. I’m not mad about the situation, and I hope you understand that. But I am pretty sad that it’s gotta go down like this, and that I’ll never get to grow old with you like I’d originally planned. But, like I’ve said over and over at this point, I’d gladly die if it meant saving you, and hopefully freeing you from these villain bastards making you do all this shit.

I hope you don’t miss me too much, and I don’t want you to be afraid of finding someone else to love. I just want you to be happy, and if that means finding someone new then I support you. Just make sure they deserve you, because you’ve got so much to give, and I don’t want you wasting your time with some fuckin’ loser. But if you don’t end up with anyone else, please… just don’t let yourself fade away. Find at least one thing to give you happiness. Because you fuckin’ deserve it, idiot. This isn’t your fault, and I don’t want you blaming yourself. Also, make sure to kick those shitheads’ asses for me, alright? Lock ‘em up in Tartarus for all eternity. That’s what they fuckin’ deserve for making you do all the shit they did.”

He looked down at his hands, fiddling with them off-screen as he thought for a moment before looking back up at you. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N. You changed my life for the better, taught me what love was all about, and showed me more love and kindness than anyone else. I refuse to believe that was all an act. It sure as hell wasn’t an act on my end. And if it was real for you too, if all of this was as real for you as it was for me, then I hope you know that you held my heart in your hands and I will love you till you are dead and gone like me. And I ain’t got a clue what comes after life, but I’ll sure as hell be waitin’ for you on the other side. I promise.”

There were tears in his eyes yet again, glittering like diamonds as they wavered on his lower lashes. Your stomach clenched at the sight as you reached up to brush away your own.

“Alright, fuckin’ dumbass. Get off your phone and go live your life. I hope you’re somewhere beautiful. Somewhere as beautiful as you are. The world is a better place because you’re in it. Or… at least my world was better because of you.” The tears quivered once more before slipping down his cheeks as he gave you a sad smile from his place in the past. “Live enough for both of us, yeah? And don’t join me too soon, otherwise, I’ll be pissed. I don’t wanna see your face wherever I am for another 50 years, you little fucker.”

“You got it, Kats,” you laughed tearily, unable to stop your response from slipping from your lips as if he was really standing right in front of you.

“Think ‘m just rambling at this point, ‘cus I really don’t want this to end. But I guess I’ve gotta save some space on here for everything else I wanna leave for ya. One last time, I love you, princess. I always will. Live a good rest of your life, and don’t come lookin’ for me till the time is right.” He raised his hand and gave a small wave.

“Goodbye.”

[haechannielove]

                                          High and horny (M)

Preview - He takes your hand and rubs it on his bulge, through his soft shorts. “Do you feel what you do to me? This is all yours.” you start to feel the tension in your chest. “This is all mine Renjunnie?” He lets out a small soft whine.

Pairing - stoner!renjun x fem!reader

Au - Non-idol

Rating -  18+, fluffy at the end I guess LOL

Word count -  1.4k

Warnings - high sex, unprotected sex, touching of the private area (both reader and Renjun touch each other)

Setting - readers bedroom

A/n - made for anon (im pretty sure I know who requested LOL (not in a creepy way I was just digging around 😭)) ANYWAY ANON I HOPE YOU ENJOY PLEASE PLEASE DO AGH im so excited to be back!! Also im sorry for ANY typos or anything!! Agh enjoy

The night has been pretty tame since you and your best friend have finished the blunt off. There’s some slow conversation going on and lots of giggling and eye contact. Some conversations relating to school life, occupation, even some words about past relationships. 

You and Renjun have been good friends since elementary school. You’re both all grown up now and it feels pretty amazing to be able to see each other so often. Both of you were pretty busy as children, one was always busy with sports, jobs, after school activities in general. But now that you both can drive and both are out living on your own, you see each other almost daily. 

“Jun” You cut yourself off to make sure he’s paying attention to you. He looks over at you. There's that eye contact again. You continue. 

“You do know that you can talk to me about anything right?” he just looks at you.

 “Of course, why do you say that?” you look at him again, staring into those beautiful eyes.

 “I just want you to know that even though I am a girl-” he cuts you off, whispering something under his breath 

“a beautiful one” you just look at him. 

“What did you say Junnie?” you’re not sure if what you heard was accurate.

“Nothing, continue?” you carry on, “Just because I’m a girl doesn't mean you can't tell me about your feelings and such. You know that right?” he blinks and nods his head. 

You both continue with your conversations, jumping from each topic like a frog to a lilypad. The endless stories you guys have together keep spewing out of your mouths like endless ropes of words. Though your words are jumbled, you both understand each other like no other. 

Some more time passes and for some reason there’s tension between the two of you. Renjun keeps looking down at your lips and at your breasts… and your thighs. 

“y/n” you look at him. those damn eyes. 

“Hm?” he opens his mouth hesitant. “Your tank top is coming down really far” he giggles.

 You look down at your falling top and laugh. “Why are you looking then, hm?” you say sarcastically. “Because I can’t help myself” he says and you smile at each other. 

You both move on for a bit until you look down and see that Renjun is hard in his loose cotton shorts. You point down at it. “What's that about?” his face flushes. “Happens sometimes” 

Maybe it's because you're both high out of your minds, or maybe the dim lighting around, maybe even the fact that you're both in barely any clothing sitting on your bed. Who knows? 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t find Renjun extremely attractive. I mean he’s everything anyone would want in a man. Beautiful voice, boy can he sing, he’s kind and considerate, everything. 

You close your eyes for a second.

 While your eyes are closed you feel his soft hands caress your face. You open your heavy lids and look into his. He lightly bites onto his bottom lip and slowly lets go. You move closer to him to close the gap between you two. Your knees are touching and you’re just looking into each other's eyes.

 “y/n I really really want you to touch me right now” You look up at him with your head slightly tilted downward. “Please dont look at me with those eyes baby” 

He takes your hand and rubs it on his bulge, through his soft shorts. “Do you feel what you do to me? This is all yours.” you start to feel the tension in your chest. “This is all mine Renjunnie?” He lets out a small soft whine.

You decide to move your hand up and down his hard dick. With each movement he lets out heavy breaths and whimpers. His soft voice making way into your ears like a sweet song. He stops you and you look up at him confused. 

“Please let me touch you as well, please y/n. I’m craving your body, I'm hungry and eager to touch you, just please.” you quickly nod your head. 

You've never felt so horny in your entire life. The boy you grew up with is now the boy roaming his hands all over your body. He’s now the boy who's showing you how much you affect his own. 

You take his hands off of you for a second so that you can strip yourself of your clothes, but before you do you look at Renjun. His eyes are practically in the shape of hearts, all for you. 

“Wanna undress me Renjunnie?” You can tell that nickname gets him going. You’re certain by the way his cock twitches anytime you say the name. 

Renjun reaches his arms out to take your tank top off first. Your boobs are perfectly sitting in your bra. His breathing starts to hitch. “y/n you look so fucking beautiful, you take my breath away.” you literally do. Renjun takes a second to pull your bra down a bit to expose your nipples. 

“Please take it off for me babe.” He obliges.

He’s now holding your breasts in each hand.  Rubbing his fingers over your hard nipples. He takes one into his mouth while rubbing the other one with 2 of his long slender fingers. You let out soft little moans that make him feel even more high. 

You eventually take your pants off while he does the same. You’re both left in your underwear. He's rubbing your sensitive clit through your silk panties. 

You both take the rest of your clothing, the only thing left of each other is the radiating horniness and tension that somehow keeps getting even thicker. 

His cock is so pretty. Pretty deep pink head, long and thick, but not TOO thick. Fits right in your hand, eventually finding out how well he fits in your throat as well. 

Renjun lightly thrusts his hips upward, occasionally gagging you. You bop your head up and down slowly, everything is moving so so slow, the passion is peaking by the second. 

Before Renjun feels he is about to finish, he stops you. 

“Would you be willing to let me fuck you? I promise to make you cum, not a single day goes by where im not thinking about fucking the daylights out of you y/n.” you just stare into his eyes once again, something about his fucking eyes. You feel as if you can see galaxies spinning in  them. Renjun is a walking beauty in your mind. He always has been. “I one hundred percent want that Junnie.” 

You’re both so horny and out of your mind that you don’t even care for a condom, you make him promise to pull out. 

You straddle him, aligning your wet heat with his erect dick. He slowly pushes upward, causing a breathy moan to come out of your pretty mouth. 

He continues to go in and out of you while whispering things into your ear. Things like, “youre the only girl I know who could ever make me feel this fucking horny baby” “you make me feel so good, your pussy is so tight” “I’m so addicted to you baby, this feels like a dream”. 

He reaches a hand down to play with your clit, you’re getting closer and closer by each thrust he does inside of you. The atmosphere is full of complete lust and the air is filled with sex. 

“Junnie youre doing so good, I love this feeling of every inch of you inside of me… mmmh fuck”  you whisper into his ear. He’s still rubbing your clit and thrusting all of his length inside of you.

“y/n i'm going to cum baby… are you close?”  the words spill out of his pretty lips quickly but smoothly. 

“I'm going to cum soon just- mm please, please keep going.” you’re completely breathless and dick drunk. 

Renjun gets you to climax better than anyone ever has before.

“M’junnie you’re so good to me” you say at your peak.

“y/n please let me cum in your mouth” you nod your head

Renjun ends up fucking your mouth a little bit before completely finishing and to say the least, he tasted amazing and this was NOT the last time you guys did this.

Afterwards, You both took a nice warm bath together and smoked a little more. You guys had something to eat and watched a movie together. You both fell asleep in each other's arms and this was sure as hell not the last night that this occurred.

All rights reserved © haechannielove

[tcwmatchmakingau]

Date Night Pt 1

Pairing: Rex x f!Reader

Rating: SFW

Warnings: Just fluff, snogging is as far as it goes.

W/C: 3,300 (And my ficlet phase has passed). 

Summary: Captain Rex of the 501st Legion led men into numerous battles. He had fought by the side of one of the galaxy’s greatest Jedi and received commendation from the Republic’s top leadership. And nothing terrified him more than the newest challenge Anakin Skywalker laid at his feet ... a date.

A/N: This was inspired by D's lovely ask as I was trapped in the airport about a double date with Rex and Cody. Here's the Rex chapter, featuring Cody, who will be up next.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Rex, you know I’d do anything for you. But this?”

Rex knew this would likely be the outcome, but he wasn’t admitting defeat just yet.

“Please Cody? I just … I have to go, but I just can’t get myself to go alone.”

His closest brother and commanding officer sat across from him in the mess hall of the Coruscant barracks, the 501st and 212th being on shore leave. All units not engaged in relief missions or suppressing the remaining Seppie forces were actually on leave, meaning Rex felt himself almost whispering, not wanting the wrong ears to overhear their conversation in the crowded room.

He’d never live it down if Torrent Company especially got wind that he was considering a trip to the matchmaker set up specifically for clones.

“You don’t have to go, though. It’s not mandatory. I know the transition to peace time is going to be tough, but they’re not forcing us into civvie life just yet.”

“It’s not that. General Skywalker is … insisting.”

“He can’t command you to go on a date. Just tell him no.”

“I can’t, Cody! You know the face he makes when you tell him no.”

“Then look the other way.”

Rex doesn’t have a rebuttal. Strictly speaking, Cody is right. But …

“Unless you actually want to go?” his brother nudges.

“I …” Rex paused, holding still as a statue for a moment until he released his breath in a huff. “Ever since his relationship with the Senator came out, Skywalker has changed. He’s lighter, happier. And I can’t help but wonder what that feels like. It was never in the cards for us before. I know some had it, like Cut, but I could never abandon my duty. Now that I don’t have to … I don’t know. What if Anakin is right?”

Cody smiles at him warmly before answering simply, “Then you should go.”

Rex levels his friend with a blank stare. They both knew that Rex would never take this leap without a wingman.

“FINE I WILL GO WITH YOU.”

------------------------------------------X------------------------------------------

The office was nicer than he had imagined. Not that he thought it would be a dump, but it would seem his anxiety colored his expectations.

Cody sat by his side, the pair having already filled out the required paperwork digitally. He thanked his brother again for coming with him and though the only response was a dry side eye, Rex knew Cody understood what this meant to him.

The door behind them opened, and both men jumped to attention.

“At ease, gentlemen. You’re off duty, remember?”

A woman walked past to take a seat opposite the desk from them as they settled back into their own seats. Her casual attire betrayed the slightly impressive decor of the top-level office, but the warmth she exuded made it clear she belonged here.

“I’m Yen, and I’ll be the matchmaker assigned to you both,” she said, reaching across to shake both their hands. “Now, I’ve reviewed your applications and I have a few potential matches in mind, but first I want to hear from you, your expectations — both of this first date and overall.”

Rex turned to look to Cody, defaulting to letting his CO answer first, only to see his brother returning the expectant look. So, he started, laying it all on the table and earning a few laughs from the other trooper.

Cody followed suit, his own answer much shorter, though it’s a testament to the professional that she was able to even get as much out of the Marshal Commander as possible.

“Okay, well, I believe I now have everything I need. I’ll send over one profile each to avoid overwhelming you both, and if you’re amenable, I’ll set up the time and place and comm that over,” Yen confirmed.

Rex appreciated her approach, calm yet confident. He was still hesitant about stepping this far out of his comfort zone, but if she was leading the way, he could at least follow.

“Now, I do have to warn you that while I understand the appeal of a double date, I’ve found it can often lead to … unnecessary problems. I can see if the partners I have in mind would be open to going to the same venue, but I strongly recommend focusing on your date and not spending time as a group.”

“Problems?” This time, it was Cody who spoke up.

“Yes, assigned dates wanting to switch has been known to happen, which just creates bad feelings all around. Or people tend to focus more on their friend since that’s familiar and end up alienating their dates. I’ve found that outcome more common with troopers.”

The two clones share a look, and when Rex turns back to Yen, a knowing smile graces her face.

“Well, this is your area of expertise. We’ll play this your way.”

---------------------------------------X--------------------------------------------

A week later, Rex watched Cody walk to the floor with his date, trying to push down his annoyance over the fact that you still hadn’t appeared.

If he was being completely fair, you weren’t late. But he was already second guessing himself and each moment he stood there, on the edge of the room unsure of what to do with his hands, was another moment adding to his anxiety.

Rex was just about at his limit when the door slammed open. The woman in the threshold peered into the crowd, scouting as if she expected danger rather than dancing to greet her.

And suddenly, his nerves got better and worse.

It was you. He recognized you from the profile image Yen had sent him. You hadn’t stood him up and left him looking a fool. But he had a feeling he’d act like one because stars above he had never seen any creature quite as lovely. What the kark was he supposed to say to someone so pretty?

While Skywalker seemed to revel in going into situations blind, Rex usually did everything to avoid it. But he didn’t plan for this. Your holo was taken by a buffoon since clearly it did not do you justice.

Absently, Rex realized he should probably introduce himself. But he decided taking advantage of this opportunity to gather intel was the smarter option.

You weren’t timid so much as cautious in your movements as you slowly made your way through the room, clearly looking for someone but oddly insistent on not making eye contact, quickly looking away once people noticed your staring.

Finally, you turned and caught his eye across the room, looking away just as quickly. In only took a moment before you snuck another glance, but this time, you kept eye contact and tilted your head in question. Nothing could stop him from smiling softly at the gesture as he gave a quick, efficient nod. You sported a matching one as you made your way through the crowd to him.

“Are you Rex?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

You giggled, and it was so sweet he almost missed what you said. “Do I look that old?”

Shock flooded Rex like ice water. “Huh? N-No, you don’t. I mean, not that that’s bad. But you definitely don’t. You look lovely. Not that old isn’t lovely, but I, uh,” he floundered, trying to understand what just happened.

Your eyes grew wide as plates as you raised your hands, waiving them in front of you frantically. “Ah, no, don’t worry about it! I was just teasing since you said ‘ma’am’ and I’ve never been called that before and in fact the only people who’ve been called ma’am, at least that I’ve heard, have been older, so that was the first thing that came to mind and …”  

Rex had never heard anyone speak that fast. He was impressed you had enough breath for it, but your rambling made your abrupt stop into pure silence jarring.

“Sorry, I was trying to be clever but I’m a bit too nervous for that, it seems.” You looked up at him but stopped just shy of actually catching his gaze. He wasn’t sure if that or the way you bit the corner of your lip as you offered a sheepish smile was more endearing.

“Please don’t apologize. I’m a bit out of my depth here, too.”

Rex had never and likely would never understand the Force as the Jedi talk about it. But as you shared a small, understanding smile with him, he swore he could feel something shift. It was significant, even if he couldn’t understand why.

“Well then, since neither of us seem to be doing too well with conversation, want to try dancing?”

“I doubt that’ll go better on my end, but let’s give it a try,” he says lightly, holding out a hand to allow you to pass.

You led the way to the dance floor, and his heart stuttered when you turned, looking up at him expectantly with bright eyes. He was only half listening to the instructor, just enough to get the gist of what to do. The rest of his attention was firmly occupied with getting lost in how you looked at him.

You looked at him like he was someone worth staring at.

Karabast, I’m in trouble.

“Ready?” You ask, sweet but pushy, nudging him out of his stupor.

“Uh, yeah,” Rex nods, stepping closer and taking hold of your hands. They were cold in his, so he held them just a bit tighter.

Fortunately, the class was geared for beginners, so the instructor started with basic footwork which solved one problem of his – he could focus on his feet instead of trying not to stare at you like a creep.

At least, for a bit. Damn his enhanced training; the steps were barely a challenge, leaving him looking down unnecessarily, unwilling to look up just yet but also aware that the longer he looked down the more awkward it was.

Why was dancing at 79s hard but this was too easy? Maybe it was his brothers’ fault. Yeah, that had to be it. They complicated everything else, why would dancing be different?

“I’m glad they’re really breaking down the basics. I usually have two left feet,” you offered, and it felt like relief in the midst of battle washing over him.

“Same. I’m not usually much of a dancer,” Rex replied, beyond grateful that he wouldn’t have to rely on one of the awful pickup lines Jesse had insisted on teaching him when word inevitably got around what he would be up to tonight.

“Oh? Then what made you choose dance lessons for tonight?”

“I, uh …” He hesitated. The truth was it was an option that Cody was open to and both Boil and Fives insisted it was the best idea. “Honestly, my brothers talked me into it. Said it would strike the right mood.”

“The right mood?”

“N-not like that! Well, actually, I’m sure Fives meant exactly that. But that’s not what I mean. I mean ���”

“It’s OK, Rex.” He should be more upset that you’re laughing at him, but there’s no malice in your eyes as they smile along with your lips. “I know what you mean. It’s fun, but easy enough that we can talk.”

“Not sure I’m doing so well with that second part,” he grumbled.

“I’ve got no complaints,” you reassure with a soft squeeze to his hands. “Besides, I’m very much enjoying being on this side.”

“This side?”

“Oh yeah. I’m usually the one tripping over my tongue meeting new people. It’s not just my feet — I’m clumsy all over,” you proclaim almost proudly, earning a chuckle from him.

“You don’t seem clumsy to me.”

“You’re sweet, but I’m literally holding onto you right now. Hard to be clumsy with support, though I do like to consider myself an overachiever.”

Rex let out what was probably his first genuine laugh since starting this whole endeavor. “Well, I’m happy to act as support as long as needed.”

Your lips twitch to the side, and if not for the mischievous spark in your eyes — a sight Rex had learned from his men usually meant nothing but trouble — he’d assume you were upset. Confused, he waited for you to continue.

“Happy to act as support? Are you sure?”

Everything about your tone is screaming that he’s out of his depths. You’re plotting something, that much is clear, and he’s not sure what. And he certainly can’t reprimand you the way he does wayward troopers.

Still, nothing to do but jump in at this point.

“Yes …?”

Your smile broke free from the tight, wry curve of your lips to engulf your entire face.

“In that case …” You stepped closer to him, pulling your joined hands behind your back, forcing yourself into his arms. Chills slid up his arms along with your touch as your hands finally settled on his shoulders, leaving his splayed out against the expanse of your back. “Better that we dance like this. More secure, you know.”

The boys would often tease Rex for how easily he would flush. It was something he cursed his whole life, always envious of Cody for his incredible composure. Now, however, despite feeling the heat in his own cheeks, the sight of your eyes refusing to settle on one place, least of all him, and the awkward shift in your stance, he understood the teasing.

You were adorable when flustered.

But more than he enjoyed seeing you worked up, he desperately wanted you to be comfortable with him. And he wanted to show his appreciation that you took the first leap of faith. So he stepped just a little further into your space, slightly tightening his hold on you so you could feel him support you.

“Sure. Just tell me if you want me to let go.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna happen.”

It wouldn’t be right to say conversation flowed. There were still awkward bumps and turns. But you were gracious about them, and honestly guilty of a few yourself, which helped Rex lower his guard even more.

It didn’t hurt that you seemed to pick up the footwork just as easily as he did, letting him lead you around the floor easier than he anticipated so he could fully indulge in how you pressed ever so lightly against him as you lead the conversation.

It was mostly small talk, getting to know you staples. But you never made him feel awkward or like you didn’t care for his answer.

In fact, he had never felt so tall before being the center of your attention.

Sooner than he realized, the class ended, and the dancers began dispersing. A quick scan of the room made clear that Cody and his date already cleared out. When, he wasn’t sure. But it left Rex standing in the middle of the floor with you in his arms, looking at him expectantly … and he had no clue what to do.

All he knew was he wasn’t quite ready to let you go.

“Do you walk home?” he asked, immediately realizing what he had said and groaning. “No, not that. I mean, do you mind if I walk you home?”

You laughed at him, but again, it was a soft thing without a trace of mockery. “I’d love that, thank you.”

If asked right then, Rex would say that laugh was his favorite sound. But he didn’t let that thought linger too long.

You looped your arm through his and laid your opposite hand on top, taking him aback with how comfortable you seemed around him even without the pretense of dancing. Though you stopped right at the line of too forward, a courtesy he was grateful for.

And it appeared a more strategic choice than he first gave you credit for. With your arms woven through his, you were able to lead the way and keep pace with him easier. You walked to the inter-level lift and rode it down a few levels to more modest apartments before meandering through the streets for a few blocks, chatting softly the whole time.

“This is me.” You waved your hand absently to the building behind you as you turned to face him.  You were looking at him like that again, like he was the only thing in this galaxy worth looking at. If he wasn’t careful, Rex could easily grow addicted to that look. “I had a really nice night. Thank you, Rex.”

“No thanks needed, mesh’la,” Rex said softly, hearing the endearment slip in before he really registered it. It fit, though, and he was willing to bet you didn’t speak Mando’a. “I had a good time, too.”

He felt like time itself was suspended. Like the two of you existed within a ray shield and nothing outside mattered. He felt himself pulled closer to you until he was standing with barely an inch between you. Glancing past your eyes for just a moment, he felt his breath catch at the sight of your chest just missing brushing his as you take heavy breaths.

Usually, clarity felt cold when it washed over him. This, however, was warm, fueling his courage just as much as the realization that you could feel the gravitational pull between you as well.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, bolder than he felt as he leaned down but still not trusting his voice as he invaded your space and reveled in the proximity, eyes constantly searching for any sign of hesitation.

There never was one. You tilted your head back, bringing your plush lips almost up to his.

“Please.”

It was the sweet, needy, breathlessness of your plea that made Rex vow then and there to do anything to hear you beg for his kisses again.

It was the soft give of your lips, the insistent yet gentle pressure you applied and the succulent yet swift swipe of your tongue against his that made him vow to give them to you as often as you asked.

Gods above, there was nothing so wonderful in that moment as your kiss. It wasn’t hot and heavy, as his past experiences had been; those one-night stands nothing more than moments of stolen pleasure speaking only to present need.

This was the opposite, chaste in all but promise, speaking without words of your passionate intentions.

You pulled away, and he should have let you go. Rex had always prided himself on being respectful, doing the right thing. And yet, the only thing that felt right was to chase your lips with his, looping his arm around your waist to pull you in closer.

Reason eventually won out, as it always did for him. Keeping his hold on you, Rex pulled back and rested his forehead against yours. “Sorry.” His breathing was heavier than expected, and he questioned if his conditioning was really lacking, or if your kisses would always steal his breath. “Got a little carried away.”

You shook your head against his, and only then did he realize you had tangled your hands in his jacket, fisting in the fabric tightly. He couldn’t pull away without applying some force, and that knowledge buzzed pleasantly through him.

“No you didn’t. Not that I didn’t want, anyway.”

A worry line appeared on your forehead as you turned to glance at your front door over your shoulder. Your lips pursed, and while he wouldn’t claim to know you well, he could hazard a guess to your conundrum.

Gently, Rex lifted a hand to turn your face back to him before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. He wasn’t sure, but he could swear he heard you sigh.

“Goodnight, mesh’la,” he offered, and to his relief, he saw you relax. You stepped back, out of his arms, and he was surprised by how much he didn’t like that. “I’ll comm you tomorrow?”

Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough if that’s how you would smile for him every time. “Yeah, I’d like that. Goodnight, Rex.”

Captain Rex of the 501st Legion led men into numerous battles. He had fought by the side of one of the galaxy’s greatest Jedi and received commendation from the Republic’s top leadership.

But no victory had ever felt as good as walking away from your apartment that night, one successful date under his belt and hopefully many more with you on the horizon.

[kyusunyu]

SUNWOO ↳ “𝕺𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖚𝖕𝖔𝖓 𝖆 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊”

a TBZ frat boyz series.

kim sunwoo x f!reader :: ex lovers/soulmate tropes

warnings: some explicit content 👀, hardly smutty. lots of feels though. (rough edit)

𝔬𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔲𝔭𝔬𝔫 𝔞 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔞 𝔥𝔬𝔱 𝔰𝔬𝔠𝔠𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔢𝔞𝔪 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔤𝔶 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴-𝔦𝔱-𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔟𝔬𝔬𝔨 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔪 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔪𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔬𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔞𝔤𝔞𝔦𝔫 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔬𝔫’𝔰 𝔣𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔯𝔰 𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔫…

“Bite me.”

you were a realist.

far from delusional,

even if the stars aligned on a full moon night.

nothing could convince you to believe that a frat party would be a hell of a good time.

“I have too much shit.” you annunciate, yeeting a pencil in your best friend’s general direction. “Ask Mina. I’m sure she’d find sweaty people and an uncanny amount of booze fun.”

your model of a roommate sulks.

bummed you weren’t like the rest of the girls around here.

like who in their right mind would decline an invite to the biggest frat house in SK?

“Leave it to you to pass on a good time. Boo, tomatoes.”

you send her a merciless smile. “I feel less of a detriment to society this way. Have you seen me in anything other than sweats and a hoodie? It takes effort to look as good as you. Effort I cannot spare for myself.”

“Talk about dramatic.”

dramatics aside,

there was nothing that could possibly be done to drag you out of this dorm room and into the pits of hell called TBZ.

that godforsaken frathood might drive you off a cliff.

you’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

they were far from hideous— a sight for sore eyes really.

intelligent, sociable, and athletic.

all 11 of them.

even if 2 happened to be both your exes.

once upon a time..

“Well, i’m leaving.” the gorgeous red head flips her hair, model figure hugged in the little black dress she sported. “If i’m not back by morning, send a search party. I love you! Don’t study too hard my little book worm.”

yes.

there were some perks to being roommates and best friend’s with your polar opposite.

a stable social life.

free clothes.

and invites to the biggest parties?

too bad you hardly found any of those to be useful to you.

“Hello?”

“Y/n?” her voice sounds irritated, slightly slurred and strained against the echoing music of the party. “Y/n, can you come get me? Fuck— these people are losers. I’m drunk.”

you grimace.

she’s upset.

it’s only midnight and of all people—

Taeri was upset.

“Did something happen?” you mumble sleepily, sitting up to turn on a light. “Are you okay? DId someone hurt you?”

too drunk to process the question, she groans. “Will you just please come and get me? I feel like I’m gonna explode.”

“O-okay, just give me a couple—“

the call flat lines.

great.

the day has finally come that the stars aligned on a full moon night.

albeit, you still didn’t think the frat party was gonna be a good time,

but i guess you’ll bite.

it didn’t take long to wash up a little, whipping out one of Taeri’s hand me down’s.

10 minutes longer and you had your liner drawn and a simple red tint to your velvet lips.

you absolutely dreaded having to face the day you’d ever come to this—

a strapless top, tight jeans and mid height high heels.

but you had some class.

you weren’t gonna be a detriment to society by showing up in half ass pj’s.

“Hey.”

the hottie by the door makes a double take.

“H-hello.”

your forehead creases, eyes looking into the still much alive party. “Aren’t you gonna ask for my name, pretty boy?”

pretty boy doesn’t respond.

honestly, too stunned to answer.

because god damn.

god damn—

“Damnit.” Eric blinks furiously, wiping at his shirt upon spilling some of his drink. “Sorry, name?”

“Y/n.”

“Y/n, you’re on the list— Y/n?”

at this point, he’s completely disregarded his drink.

the rest spilling all over his thousand dollar shoes.

“Y/n.” you affirm with a slight chuckle. “Taeri called. Is she alright?”

no, of course she’s not.

the sole reason for her coming, being her ex boyfriend who happens to live here—

who undoubtedly was the cause of the phone call in the first place

“Well all hell hasn’t broke loose yet.” Eric manages to make it through a sentence. “You don’t normally come to these things, don’t you? Taeri said you’re not much of a party goer.”

“Great observation, pretty boy. I was summoned. If Taeri wasn’t in trouble, why’d she call me then?”

he aimlessly shrugs. “Hyunjae hasn’t touched your hot model bestie all night. I mean Sunwoo’s back in town so maybe—“

oh god.

OH MY GOD.

fucking hell on earth.

“Hey, didn’t you and Sunwoo—“

“No I don’t know a Sunwoo.” he elicits a pressed panicked grin by you. “And Sunwoo doesn’t know me. Are we understanding each other? Do I make myself clear, pretty boy.”

the pretty boy grins back. “Fucking crystal.”

you pray to the stars in the sky to disarrange.

you pray for anything but the storm that brews ahead.

you pray for the sake of your roommate,

that this was nothing but a coincidence.

“— that Sunwoo’s back in town, can you believe it?”

you refrain from putting that stranger into a chokehold.

wanting nothing but to be home in your covers.

you’re no cinderella but,

it’s past your damn bedtime.

“Where the fuck is she?” you mumble to yourself incoherently, searching the heavily intoxicated crowd for your best friend.

leave it to her to make you the damn search party.

these heels were killing you.

but those heels on you weren’t just killing you,

it was killing everyone else too.

“You won’t believe who just walked in.” Eric came back to his group of troublemakers, kissing his lips through a devious smirk. “God damn, you won’t believe me when I tell you. Who just walked through our fucking doors.”

Sunwoo’s a little less interested.

tired is a simple word to describe his current attitude.

he just got back into town, man.

it’s been a stressful week for him.

the last thing he wants to deal with was Eric’s crazed nonsense.

Hyunjae’s shoulder’s perk from on top of the counter. “If you’re talking about my god forsaken ex again, we’ve already crossed paths. Like fourth party in a row.”

“Not your ex.”

Eric’s feverish.

he’s only heard about the legend of y/n.

the closed-off maths geek Sunwoo had a boner for freshman year.

the hardly qualified best friend of the hottest model on campus.

“But she’s so fucking hot though.” Eric dreamily drools, nodding from the corner in which they gather. “She’s drop dead gorgeous, Sunwoo. How could a star soccer player like you, drop a once in a lifetime shot like that?”

“What the fuck are you on about, you— you’re kidding.”

the star soccer player can’t remember the last time he saw you.

well, to be fair, the last time he saw you,

you were in an oversized hoodie, worn-in sneakers, and sweats doubled your size.

now people are expecting him to believe his ex girlfriend stalked the halls of his house—

in stunning Louboutins nonetheless.

leather tight top hiked too far up the stomach, cleavage half out and bed hair making you look like a 5-star Michelin.

those heels.

the heels are killing him on you, he doesn’t know what to do.

“You’re fucking kidding.” Juyeon jumps from his seat, the rest of the males following suit like a pack of hungry wolves. “That’s her?”

Sangyeon whistles at all that. “I’ll be damned.”

Sunwoo can’t say a thing.

nope.

he’s not allowed to.

leave it to you to sweep the entire party of their feet right after he did.

“Taeri!” you call, unbeknownst to the lingering eyes around you. “Taeri, where are you!”

your heels click at the tiles,

excusing yourself in the crowd like the prim you are.

noting to run as soon as you find,

“Kim Sunwoo.”

your breath’s taken away.

haphazard and eyes blown out of their sockets.

you can’t run if he’s the one that finds you.

“Sunwoo, I—“

he doesn’t let you manage even a word.

clearly won’t let you say a thing.

not that you weren’t allowed to.

after all,

he’s the one that got away.

“Not you.” you tear his hands from tugging on your wrists. “Of anyone in this damn frat house, not you, Kim Sunwoo. I want absolutely nothing to do with you.”

leave it to Sunwoo to look at you like the mad man he is.

the hot shot playboy of IST,

this was your sumptuous ex boyfriend.

your only ex boyfriend.

“— the last thing I want to see. Get away from me.”

his eyes roll and he pins you to the wall of his bedroom,

making sure to lock the door behind you.

“The last thing I want to see is my beloved ex girlfriend showing up half naked at one of my frat parties. But life’s unfair isn’t it?”

he elicits a pitiful snort and you dare yourself to retort back. “The thought never bothered you before when you begged me to be your damn side piece, once upon a time.”

“Once upon a time, you were mine. Let me make myself very clear, you were my girl. And right now, I don’t get that luxury— i’m not allowed to call you that.”

“If you’re looking for permission, you’re far from it. I’m not here for you, i’m here for Taeri.”

Sunwoo’s never liked that girl.

always trying to get you to wear the skankiest clothes.

present you like a centerpiece.

taking you whenever she wanted.

(she had her work cut for her)

when all he wanted was you all to himself.

“Trying to prove yourself by being hotter than her?”

you pry his body off of you,

heated.

absolutely heated you could explode.

“Trying to prove myself by not being a damn joke. Isn’t that what I was to you, once upon a time Kim Sunwoo? The reason you dropped me because I could never prove myself to be the girlfriend in Kim Sunwoo’s hot fucking life.”

his chest rises and falls as fast as his blood boils.

he always loved firing you up.

you were so hot, he couldn’t tell you why.

but he always wanted to strip you out of your oversized clothes and get you completely naked anyway.

the thrill of seeing you naked being a blessing in disguise.

right now,

you were already half way there.

“I loved you.”

“Loved me?” you laugh incredulously. “The sex was good but other than that, what can you say you loved about me? Other than lying to my face, nearly ripping out my hair, telling me your cock only belonged to me? But digging it inside other women like that didn’t matter at all.”

he’s taken by surprise.

that dirty mouth of yours.

he’s been needing a stress relief.

and suddenly, he’s not that stressed about any of his circumstances.

especially the ones he faces right now.

in fact, he’s more laxed than he’s ever been in his entire life.

“Still thinking about my cock, are you?”

“Yours and 5 others, baby. It stopped being all about—“

his lips crash against yours and the wall is suddenly your best friend.

so much for Taeri—

god, Kim Sunwoo was just so irresistible.

“You.” he growls into your lips while ripping off his shirt. “It’s always been all about you, hasn’t it?”

an arduous moan escapes your tethered lips,

melting in the hands of your inconceivable ex boyfriend.

“Im gonna make those 5 others look like training wheels, baby. I’m going to make sure you know who you belong to.”

it’s been 2 years.

you weren’t gonna wallow over your breakup with Sunwoo forever.

yes, you’ve slept with other people but damn.

other people will never be Kim Sunwoo.

“I won’t even have to beg for you to be my side piece when i’m finished with you.”

Taeri and Hyunjae were fine.

Taeri was upset but hey,

Hyunjae beat you to it anyway.

while Sunwoo’s beating into you,

Taeri stops to look at her ex, “Have you seen y/n? She said she was gonna come get me.”

Taeri’s never really liked Sunwoo for you either.

he was always possessive.

always center of fucking attention.

too big and mighty for her little know it all.

but god damn.

if there was anyone who made you happier than she’s ever seen you,

it was that poor unfortunate soul.

“She’s gonna eat him alive.” Taeri chuckles with her hand on her ex’s lap. “Poor thing, y/n’s balled up her anger for him for years. You think he’s gonna be okay?”

that was the thrill of you, you know.

always one step ahead of everyone else,

Sunwoo had to put a leash on you.

he was so tired of chasing,

“You’ve let go, Sunwoo.” you’re hyperventilating over his broad chest. “Where’s all that control you had now?”

you were gonna be the death of him.

he had to juggle loving you, paying the frat, his soccer career—

“I’m sorry.”

3 rounds later and Sunwoo’s spent.

ravishing in your beauty,

the yearning of something he didn’t think he needed in a long time.

you made him the happiest man alive once upon a time.

“I don’t deserve you.”

3 rounds later and you were convinced.

ravishing in his warmth and comfort—

you haven’t felt this content in a long time.

“You deserved all of me.”

you loved him.

god you loved him and you don’t know how to stop.

2 years later and he’s still the man you love.

“I loved your wide smile. I craved your touch. I wanted your attention every damn day and you deserved every minute of having me. I loved everything about you, Kim Sunwoo. But you made that decision to let me go a long time ago.”

he kisses the places your tears stain,

fingers shakily threading through your now long hair.

“I was tired of convincing myself all of that were true. Tell me, baby. What else did you love about me?”

you catch your breath, nose brushed against his.

“Your eyes. Your nose. Your dick.”

his throaty laugh fills your ears like music on christmas morning. “What else, baby?”

you lean in, humming against his cheek.

eyes shut in absolute bliss.

remembering the subtle scent of bergamot and sage that stained his skin.

“Your lips? The way they move when you kiss me. How they feel when you tell me you love me.”

his arms clasp around your hips.

high on your euphoria with you pressed against him like this.

the stars were in his favor tonight.

perfectly aligned in the sky when he finally tells you,

“I love you.”

you’re convinced he’s joking.

you have to convince yourself he was making you a joke.

but Sunwoo holds you like he’s gonna lose you.

afraid you were gonna let go.

“I’ll never deserve you but i’ll love you for the rest of my life if I have to in order to convince myself I do.”

“What do you love about me, Kim Sunwoo?”

the full moon is in your favor.

illuminating the room just enough to meet his colorful eyes.

just enough color to remember how he looked at you once upon a time.

“That you’ll be the only girl that I get to love in my entire life. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you, baby. Not even if the stars start crossing in the sky.”

you a side piece?

hardly.

no, Kim Sunwoo never left your side.

he was like an overbearing parasite,

only having to move elsewhere when he wanted to be on top.

or when he kneels in front of you to ask you to be his wife.

and to think he would’ve had to beg once upon a time.

@kyusunyu / @kpopinesss / @atinybitofau

[twoidiotwriters1]

Almighty (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: Happy anniversary of The Daughter of Olympus! -Danny Words: 2,255 Series' Masterlist Book II // Next Chapter Listen to: 'Talking To Myself' -by Gatlin

I: Born to Say 'Fuck Off' Forced to Say 'Yes, Sir'

Ara can think of ten different things she could be doing outside of this musty old place that would make a difference in the world instead of this. I'm the daughter of Olympus, she sulks, giants fear me, monsters want me, but I can't get rid of Marcus from Spanish class.

First day of High School. She's looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, hyping herself up to survive the last three hours of the day. It would be less aggravating if Percy had qualified to attend his last year at Goode's, but apparently, disappearing in the middle of the school year gets you expelled, go figure.

Arae Jackson.

The girl gives a start and looks over her shoulder at the stools, where none other than Poseidon meets her eye. "My lord," Ara's voice trembles. "This is a girl's bathroom."

The god raises a brow as if silently asking if that's truly her main concern. "I'll be brief with this visit. My son needs you."

"Which one? Tyson?" That sentence immediately puts her on edge. "Percy? What happened?"

"Oh, nothing yet," the god sighs. "Percy must do a series of tasks and Zeus has forbidden me from aiding him, yet he never mentioned I couldn't bestow upon you the duty to ensure Percy's triumph."

She stares at him. "You mean a quest, sir?"

"As daughter of Olympus, you must do what the gods ask of you, I hope you haven't forgotten?" He crosses his arms.

"Of course not, my lord, but I'm a little lost," she raises a brow. "Why are you drafting Percy into this if I could do the tasks myself?"

Poseidon smiles but seems tense. "My son will explain everything to you. Goodbye, I expect good results."

The god leaves, and Ara turns to the mirror. "This is what you get for bitching."

When Ara gets home, she finds Grover at the door. "Hey, man," she musters a tired smile. "Came for dinner?"

"It's your first day of High School and Percy's senior year, of course I'd come," he grins. "How are you?"

Percy opens the door and welcomes them in. "Hey! I was wondering where you two were..."

"I brought strawberries." Grover shoves the basket in the boy's hands. "Is that tofu stir-fry?"

"Hello to you, too," Percy answers, throwing a bemused glance at Ara.

"I love tofu stir-fry!"

"Ara and Grover are here!" Her brother announces over his shoulder. "They brought strawberries!"

Sally comes out of the kitchen and takes the basket. "They smell wonderful! Perfect dessert!"

"Last crop of the summer," Grover informs them. "Now we have to get ready for gourd season. Don't get me wrong. I love decorative gourds, but they're not as tasty."

Sally pats his shoulder as she walks past. "We'll make sure these berries don't go to waste."

Ara stares at them. Everyone thought Leo would be back by the last week of August... She keeps smiling like his absence does not bug her much, partly because she doesn't want to be like those girls who whine about their boyfriends, and also because a General being sad about a boy is plain stupid, but it's more than that. Now that their curse is—presumably—broken, nothing assures her that he'll love her still, he didn't address her in the scroll he sent, after all.

He has a whole life ahead of him, and he might decide that even if they share soul lights, his calling is somewhere else, somewhere she doesn't fit in. He's free, but nothing has changed for Ara. Hercules warned her, and she didn't take it seriously at first, thinking she'd die before she could get a chance to see how that would play.

"Who's hungry?" Paul enters the room, and Ara feels slightly better.

While the family catches up, Percy shares his conundrum: He's been asked to get three recommendation letters from the gods by doing three separate quests. "Well then, we'll do these quests together!" Grover speaks before Percy can even finish.

Percy's shoulders relax. "Grover, you don't have to—"

"Are you kidding? A chance to do quests, just the four of us? Like old times? The Fantastic Four!"

"The Beatles," Annabeth smirks.

"The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," Percy adds.

"The Golden Girls," Ara finishes.

"I wanna be Betty White."

The teens laugh, and Paul raises his drink. "The monsters will never know what hit them. Just be careful, you four."

"Oh, it'll be fine," Grover brushes it off, but he's anxiously nibbling a napkin. "Besides, it always takes a while for word to get around among the gods. We've probably got weeks before the first request comes in!"

It did not take weeks.

The next day, Ara notices a guy seated next to Percy at their favorite smoothie bar, one that she knows. "Ganymede." Her smile is one of intrigue. "The hell are you doing here?"

Usually, she doesn't speak to godlings like that, but Ganymede's like the cousin you see once a year and with whom you sneak out of the family reunion to talk shit about your aunts and uncles, and heck, he talks. She met him during the winter and summer solstices that she attended as the daughter of Olympus.

"Oh, is my disguise worth nothing?" He huffs. "It doesn't matter. Dear Arae, I require aid. I would've come to you, but..." he makes a face. "Well, if I use you, the gods might find out about my problem."

"What problem?" Ara sits next to Percy, taking a sip from his smoothie.

"I have to be sure this is completely discreet," he leans forward. "You cannot tell anyone else. Is that understood?"

"Discreet is what we do," Grover says.

"How much do you know about my responsibilities on Mount Olympus?" Ganymede questions.

"You're the cupbearer of the gods," Annabeth replies.

"Must be a sweet job," Grover sighs. "Immortality, godly power, and you just have to serve drinks?"

"It's a horrible job."

"Permanent waiter position with no chances of promotion," Ara nods in understanding.

"When it was just at feasts," Ganymede continues, "that was one thing. But now ninety percent of my orders are deliveries. Ares wants his nectar delivered on the battlefield. Aphrodite wants her usual with extra crushed ice and two maraschino cherries delivered to a sauna in Helsinki in fifteen minutes or less. Hephaestus... Don't get me started on Hephaestus. This gig economy is killing me."

"Okay," Percy shrugs. "How can we help?"

"My most important symbol of office... Can you guess what it is?"

"Since you're cupbearer of the gods, I'm going to guess... a cup?"

"Not just any cup!" Ganymede hisses. "The chalice of the gods! The goblet of ultimate flavor! The only cup worthy of Zeus himself! And now..."

"Oh, it's missing, isn't it?" Annabeth guesses.

"Not missing. My cup has been stolen." He bursts into tears.

Percy looks at Ara, she gestures at him vaguely and he reacts stiffly. "There, there."

The waiter hands Ara her usual drink, then he notices the crying boy. "Is the smoothie not okay, sir? I can make you something else."

"No." Ganymede sniffs. "It's just... I can't stand seeing so many cups. It's too soon. Too soon."

Ara looks at the waiter and flashes him a smile. "Thank you, Steve. I'll make sure to tip fifteen percent." The guy seems satisfied with that and leaves them alone. 

Grover turns to the god. "You know, the kids at Camp Half-Blood make some great arts-and-crafts projects. They could probably fashion you a new goblet."

"It wouldn't be the same," Ganymede whines.

"Or you could look into single-serving cups made from recyclable material."

"Grover," Annabeth intervenes. "He wants his special cup."

"I'm just saying, single servings might be more hygienic. All those gods sipping from the same goblet—?"

"You said it was stolen," Percy moves on. "Do you know who took it?"

"I have some ideas," he glares at the table. "But first, you have to promise that this remains confidential. The goblet makes drinks taste good to the gods. But if a mortal got hold of it... one sip from it would grant them immortality." 

Ara and Percy make the same face. "If it's so powerful, why would you trust us to get it back?"

"I couldn't trust anyone else! You've already turned down immortality once, Percy Jackson."

"Yeah, what a weirdo." Ara retorts sarcastically.

Percy kicks her foot. "Okay. Totally confidential."

"And these others?" Ganymede looks at her friends. 

"These others know how to keep a secret," Annabeth smiles. "Loose lips are never a good strategy."

"Totally," Grover nods.

"We're all best friends," Percy says. "You can trust them as much as you can trust me."

"Yeah, besides, you and I come from way back," Ara states confidently.

"Fine," he sighs dramatically. "I suspect someone on Olympus is trying to embarrass me, make me look bad in front of Zeus. If he finds out I lost my cup... No. I have to recover it."

"You have enemies?" Percy asks.

"Oh, yes. Hera, for one. She's hated me since the day Zeus snatched me up to Olympus. Zeus was always complimenting me, you see—how handsome I was, how much I brightened up the palace. It's not my fault I have nicer legs than she does."

Ara wants to erase that sentence from her memory. Annabeth shivers. "Let's hope it's not Hera."

"No... Probably not. She would consider it beneath her." Ganymede mumbles. "But there are others—Everyone on Olympus hates me, really, because I'm a newcomer, an upstart kid made immortal. They call me a gold digger! Can you believe that?"

Percy and Ara share a look again, having a tough time not blurting out their silly thoughts. "You suspect anyone else in particular?"

"Before I was the cupbearer," he lowers his voice, "there were two other goddesses who had my job. First Hebe. Then Iris."

"Iris seems kind of chill to be stealing chalices," Grover replies.

"Perhaps." Ganymede pouts. "But Hebe..."

"The goddess of youth," Annabeth hums. "But, Ganymede, you're, like, eternally young and beautiful. Why would she want to embarrass you?"

"Oh, you don't know her," Ganymede scrunches up his nose. "In the early days, every time I would serve drinks at the feast table, she'd mutter Spill it, spill it as I walked past. She's so immature."

"Well, if she's the goddess of youth..." Grover starts.

"That's no excuse! She needs to grow up!" 

"Okay," Percy brushes it aside. "Do you have any proof she took it?"

"Proof? That's what I need you for. Don't you heroes dust for fingerprints, analyze DNA samples, that sort of thing?"

"You might be thinking of CSI. But okay, we'll start with Hebe. Then check Iris."

"Fine." Ganymede takes a sip of his drink. "Hmm. Not bad. Maybe when I get fired and turned back into a mortal, I could work here."

"You'd make a great himbo," Annabeth nods. "So how long has your chalice been missing?"

Ganymede squints. "A century?"

"A century?!" Percy squeaks.

"Or a week? I always get those time periods confused. Not long, anyway. So far, I've been able to fake it with my delivery orders. The other gods kind of expect to-go cups with those. But if I don't get my proper chalice back before the next in-person feast, everyone will notice. I'll be humiliated!"

"When is the next feast?" Grover inquires.

"I don't know! Zeus is unpredictable! He might schedule one in twenty years. Or it could be tomorrow. The point is, I need that goblet back before word gets out! Question those goddesses. See what they know. But don't offend them. And don't say I sent you. And don't give away that my cup was stolen."

"That'll make it hard to question them," Annabeth responds. "Any idea where these goddesses hang out?"

"They stay close to Mount Olympus. I mean Manhattan. They should be around here somewhere. Do this for me, Percy Jackson, and I will write you a letter!"

"This recommendation letter will be positive?" Percy lists. "And you'll actually sign it?"

Ganymede scoffs. "You drive a hard bargain, but very well! Now, away with you, before I am undone!"

The moment Ganymede is gone, Percy turns to Ara. "You're friends with that guy?"

Ara puffs out air through her mouth and leans back tiredly. "Dude, when you work part-time in Olympus, there aren't many options."

"Well..." He looks at the others with a little smile. "This should be fun. Any ideas where to start?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Grover pouts. "But let me finish my drink first. We're going to need our strength."

Compared to what they used to face when they were younger, this is easy, and they also have each other. It surprises her how easily her brain accepts this and moves on. For years she'd been part of this family and felt the same they did about most things, but being a daughter of Olympus was shifting her character in ways she couldn't even notice until it was too late. 

Ease up, sunshine—She can hear Leo's voice in her head, twisting the perspective so it looks like something fun instead of dangerous. Before meeting him, that voice was her own, but now... all things joyful are him—this will be such a cool story at parties.

Ara makes a beeline to her room and stops only when Percy calls after her. "Yes?"

"Wanna play?" He's showing her the PlayStation remote with a strange look in his eyes, almost holding his breath while waiting for an answer.

Ara replies awkwardly. "Ah—I've got camp stuff to review. Bunker, cabins..." Her feet are already moving forward. "Sorry..."

The girl enters their shared room and closes the door. On her side of the room, right above her bed, she spots the Polaroids Leo gifted her a few months ago, and her smile drops. Gods, she's dead worried. Ara presses her back against the door and steadies herself. You got this. Her hand dives into her pocket and closes around Almighty with a tight grip. She takes a few steps forward and collapses onto her bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

Next Chapter –>

Taglist.

@siriuslysirius1107 @ask-giggles1303 @im-planning-something-look @bandshirts-andbooks @coolninjapaper @thewaterlily @whenisthefall @1randomcomic @you-bloody-shank @sunflowergraves @owlalex44 @taylordaughter @typicalsolangelolover @writingmia @espressopatronum454 @slytherinnqueen @orbitingpolaris @obxstiles @ellipsisspelled @thepixiechicksh @ebony-reine-vibes

[jadedlavendergemini]

Number One Patient

———————————————————————————

The med bay was having a slow day, not like if there were any real kind of battles going on. A mission every once in a while involving traveling to another planet to help other life forms with healthcare came along. But not today. You found yourself going through your inventory of supplies in the back, just trying to make your shift go by faster.

You were in the middle of counting packs of gauze when one of the other medics cut your concentration.

“L/N, patient in room one is here for you.” Lorne, one of the medics states.

You turn towards him. “Lorne, I’m in the middle of inventory, could you just take it?”

You watch as a small smirk comes across his features. “Actually, this patient is specifically requesting you.”

You sigh before tossing a pack of gauze at him, only for him to catch it. “Finish up for me then will you?

“Yes, ma’am.”

You exit the supplies area and make your way to one of the desks and fetch a data pad. Pulling up with the patient’s information with your credentials.

You prepare yourself with a kind smile but drop it once you see the patient’s name.

Commander Poe Dameron

You can’t help but roll your eyes as you pull back the curtain to the bed in room one to find your boyfriend sitting on the bed, legs swaying slightly as he waits for you.

“Poe,” you shoot him a look. “What is it this time?”

“Y/n,” he shoots you a charming smile. “My favorite medic.”

You sigh before taking another step towards the resistance’s golden boy. “You better have a broken bone this time.”

Poe let’s out a small chuckle before pulling his hand out for you to see. A large laceration reaching from his lower right side of his thumb to his pinkey on his right hand resides, slightly bleeding.

You nod, entering a few notes onto your data pad before setting it down on the counter. You moved around the room for a suture kit, gloves, bacta gel and numbing anesthetic.

Once you’re all set up, you glove up and begin cleaning the cut. “Any particular reason for me today? You know Lorne is just as capable as me.”

“Yeah but I like to have someone pretty to look at while I’m in pain.”

You scoffed. “Ah, so you do feel pain. By the way,” you add as you pull out you anesthetic. “This is gonna pinch a little.”

You try hard not to smile as his cocky attitude changes when you here him hiss. “Yeah, more like a sting!”

“Well, you certainly don’t want to feel it, do you?” You ask. “How did you manage this anyway?”

“Fixing up BB-8. One of his mechanisms was a little messed up so I tried to fix him up myself.”

“Poe, we have droid mechanics here on base for a reason,”

“I know, I know.” He shakes his head, a single curl falls on his forehead. “He’s my buddy though. Anyway, I accidentally came across a sharp scrap inside.”

You began your sutures carefully and you notice he’s either looking at you or away in general. “What? Does it still hurt? Do you need more numbing?”

“No, no. It’s nothing.” He says, tapping his other hand over his knee. “It’s just- has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes look when you’re concentrated?”

You stop kneading the thread and look up. “Poe-“

“I know, sorry,” he waves his good hand around. “I forgot no flirting in the workplace.”

Your cheeks burn as you go back to suturing his hand. “No more fixing BB on your own and please do not use this hand for a week. I need the tissues to heal correctly.”

“Doesn’t the Bacta gel to that?”

“Well yes, but if you’re constantly moving your hand around and disrupt the process, it won’t work Poe.”

“Right, right.”

You clip the final suture and remove your gloves. “Alright, I’m done.”

You move to bandage his hand and wrap it tightly in some gauze.

“Come back at the end of the week for the suture removal.” You say, typing in you final notes onto the data pad.

Poe hops off the bed and stands, careful of his now injured hand. “Thanks, y/n.”

“Anytime,” you give him a tight smile as you continued to type.

He moves past you but stops next to you. “When you say no activities with this hand for a week-“

Your eyes snap up to meet his smirk. “Does that include….?”

“POE-“

“Sorry!” He moves just out of reach when you moved to smack him with the data pad. “See you tonight!”

And then he’s gone. You loved that man but hated when purposely made those comments around your fellow resistance members.

———————————————————————————

I wanted to right more Poe so I had some time today! Enjoys!

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Permanent

A/N: I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt like this, but I remember someone once telling me something along the lines of, “You’re the girl boys are going to marry. Those other girls are the one’s they’re just playing with for now.” I’m not trying to put other women down at all, but I think I’ve struggled a bit with looking at relationships I’ve had in such a logical sense that I’ve never been able to truly apply myself or feel anything more than a sense of temporariness. So this is about the girls that boys marry, and giving all those girls a bit more peace of mind about their true potential.  Pairing: Gerard Way x F!Reader Word count: 3,304 words Warnings: Angst, panic attacks and anxiety, swearing

You had… struggled with men.

It wasn’t necessarily that you were the problem per se, it was more so that your expectations were. Even in your early 20s you had wanted so badly a boyfriend who was ready to settle down at least a bit, even if it only lasted two or three years. You would’ve never minded the weekend outings with his friends or the independence that most relationships were built on nowadays, but you at least expected some domesticity and consistency.

And according to everyone, especially your friends who were on boyfriend five or six by the age of 25, that wasn’t reasonable.

“Listen, Y/N,” Jessica said through the loud conversation of the bar you were in, music interrupting just a bit in the background. “It’s not that men don’t like you, or that you’re an undesirable person, it’s that they don’t want you right now.”

“You’re the type of girl they’ll marry.” That was the key phrase, the one that had been repeated over and over to you. At this point you were sure it was being said solely because if your friends said it enough, they believed it would come through. You were also slightly relying on that theory too.

And sure, just looking at the men around your age in your life and backtracking their behavior and relationships could easily prove that theory. Most of the girls they dated didn’t last longer than a couple months, a year if they were somehow lucky enough to stick. They were usually more wild, wanted to go out every Friday and Saturday until they were completely wasted and walking through the streets of New York aimlessly. Nothing against them, that just wasn’t you.

“Gerard will inevitably go for you,” Georgie had said optimistically, “Just give him time, ya know? He’s going for crazy girls right now, give him another two years. Once men hit 30, they have a switch go off in their brains and suddenly all they want is to wife up the right woman, buy a house in a nice suburb, and trade in their fun car for a reliable 7-seater SUV.” You groaned a bit at the wait time she proposed and the generally unlikely thought that someone like him would actually date you, let alone marry you.

Sure your crush was relatively obvious, but that’s all it was. A crush. A stupid little liking because, yes, he was attractive, and you two seemed more than comfortable with one another. Only in those fantasy worlds you dream when trying to fall asleep would the two of you be married in a white picket fence house. To begin with, neither of you would completely apply themselves to that lifestyle, and Gerard was off in his own world doing his own things and would never think of you in a way that would allow for such a relationship to exist.

And now, sitting here in a club you didn’t necessarily want to be at, those worlds seemed to divide even more. You slowly sipped on your vodka Red Bull that was meh in the grand scheme of drinks you had drank in your years. Your friends sitting next to you at this round booth that was obnoxiously worn for how nice it looked were off in their own conversation about something you lost track off long ago. Your eyes were now far more focused on the way Gerard was interacting with his newest fling, whatever her name was. He was currently going through a stage of girls he found so disposable that you didn’t even have to know the names of them. Soon enough, they were gone too.

Your stomach only knotted itself in a more complicated tangle when her hands drifted around and to the back of his neck, using his slightly taller frame to balance herself with a stupidly innocent yet dangerous smile on his face, that judging by his smirk/smile combo he was eating up, unlike you. And finally, the way their bodies touched in such close proximity, his hands tightly grasping the hips of her tiny and snug dress, and their lips met it what seemed to be at least a halfway genuine kiss had caused your brain to enter overdrive.

You placed your glass down on the table, the outside now dewey from the contrast of how long it had been out to the growing heat with an obnoxiously large amounts of moving bodies everywhere. “Y/N-“ One of your friends called, trying to grab your attention. 
“I need- air.” Was all you were able to muster out, grabbing your coat. Scrambling through these large bodies of people only made your emotions more spiked and generally freaked out, and finally by the end you were in a dark hallway leading to the exit. You marched towards it and outside.

You were hoping for some fresh air, but living in a big city held no such luxury. Instead, all you could smell was a nearby sewer, cigarette smoke, and some pizza place a couple storefronts down. None of this was helping.

After a moment of contemplation as to whether going back in there was a good idea, your minds reaction switched to a simple “run” and that led you marching home. You were grateful you had gotten over the “I want to look cute so I’ll wear high heels” phase of your life, because your tennis shoes right now were saving you from days of pain and blisters at the pace you were walking.

You weren’t sure anymore if you were running from the club itself and the atmosphere you could care less for, or him. This was a cycle that happened every time and everywhere you went with him. You would show up with your friends to clubs or bars thinking it was somehow, magically going to be different from the last time. Within an hour, you had left usually with the excuse you had a lot of work to do over the weekend (a very blatant lie) or that you just weren’t feeling well (code phrase for: I’m sick and tired of seeing him all up on other girls). You wanted tonight to be different though.

You had quickly decided to not respond to his texts. You would get home, text one of your friends letting her know you were safe, and turn off your phone for the night. You wouldn’t be the one to deal with his text messages that came flooding in about how much he adored you, how pretty you were, how he never wants to make you feel uncomfortable because you’re just such a special person to him. It was probably the adrenaline high, gaining mass amounts of validation from girls prettier than you, but you were over his tendencies to fuck with you and make you believe there was even a slight shot you had at a relationship with him. It was like he ignored your Monday movie nights which always ended up in you cuddling together, or every Wednesday when he would take you out to dinner just to “check in” since you were that important to him. But in moments like these, you realized you were the last thing on his mind. And that was the problem.

As soon as you got home you had followed the plan as created. Texting your friend to tell her you were at home and nothing had happened to you, and shutting off your phone loosely throwing it onto your bed. You slipped off your shoes and took off this stupid little back dress that you couldn’t help but wonder if you even looked good in anymore. He went with you to the mall when you found it. Called you gorgeous, and insisted you buy it, stating “that dress was made for you”. Clearly it wasn’t amusing anymore. You carelessly threw it on the floor of your closet next to old boxes of shoes and hoped it would be eaten by them and never seen again.

You decided on a quick shower, letting the steam and scorching hot water burn your feet a bit before stepping out and prepping your hair for the night. You decided on a sleep mask a friend had gotten you for Christmas from a store that specialized in products for sensitive skin, which unfortunately was perfect for you. Finally, you settled in bed with your computer, debating whether to find a good book or TV show.

Maybe a minor mistake. You quickly realized that your texts transferred over to your laptop, and now here you sat debating whether to open up the five unread messages from Gerard. You decided against it, despite the little red bubble in the corner of the icon that was obnoxiously yelling at you to open it up. But you had some element of self control even in an emotional state, and knew you couldn’t deal with a man child right now for your own sake.

You had curled up with an old comfort show of yours from when you were a kid. Your mind immediately flashed back to the couple of moments when you weren’t doing well, Gerard coming in to check on you and watching it with you. Despite it being a literal kids cartoon probably produced for seven year olds, he had no protests to your knowledge and seemed to enjoy it. But you quickly pushed those remaining thoughts out of your mind and tried to focus on the present itself.

You were nearly on the brink of falling asleep, having gotten through a good four or five episodes, your brewed and boiling tea now room temperature and the surface of the water now staining the inside of the mug where its edge met the ceramic. That was when you got the little ding on your computer, looking at the top right corner where your notifications came in.

“I’m outside your door,” The words flashing under the name Gerard Way made your eyes grow wide. “Please open up, I don’t want to knock and disturb your neighbors.”

Oh, so now he’s being selfless, but only for your damn neighbors who you barely knew. You decided to leave it be, assuming he would leave soon enough.

“Open up. I will start knocking.” Was the next text. You scoffed at the tone of his message, coming off as a complete and utter dick. Which right about now he was.

Only 15 seconds later and the string of knocks came, literally not stopping.

Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock-

The man would not leave your door alone and was clearly unwilling to unwind his fist and take his ass home. You stomped out of bed and up to your door where you swung it open, to reveal Gerard there in that damn leather jacket you loved so much on him, hair in multiple different directions, and eyeliner beginning to smudge and look more like raccoon eyes. “What the fuck do you need.” Was all you stated as he tightly smiled at you.

“It’s nice to see you too,” Was all he could say, trying to casually step into your apartment but promptly being blocked by you moving in his way. 
“If you need something right now, tell me. I’m not playing games.” He took a sigh, leaning against the doorway and crossing his arms, clearly too oblivious to understand any ounce of the problem you were currently having with him.

“Why did you leave? Again?” He asked as if your want to leave a boring and shitty club was your fault.

“Are you for real right now?” You asked him with a scoff as he stood there in his self-righteous glory, “You do this every fucking weekend. Invite me out with our friends, leave me as soon as we get into the fucking place to go and hang out with- whoever your fucking now” He seemed intrigued by your tone judging by his face of amusement which only fired you up more, “And I’m left in the fucking booth with nothing to do.”

“You could come out and dance with me-“

“Bullshit!” You immediately called, interrupted him, “Not when you have a girl pressed up so close against you that you would actually be fucking her had you not had clothes on.”

This time he seemed more startled by your outburst, “Listen,” You sighed a bit, trying to take a deep breath and calm yourself before your apartment manager was called by the neighbors. “I’m really done with this whole situation. If you’re not interested in me, genuinely, please just leave. I can’t deal with someone nagging me on like a dog with a bone, and expecting they’ll put as much thought and effort into this when they don’t. I get you’re still in your phase of experimenting with people, totally fine. But don’t play with me when you know I’m ready for something bigger and more permanent.” You gave him one more tight smile, the most genuine you could pull as he stood there in a bit of awe, “Goodnight, Gerard.”

You were closing the door when you felt a force push back, and this time Gerard actually managed to maneuver his way in. Before you could even process his presence, he had taken your cheeks in his hands and pressed his lips against yours. You froze for a good couple of seconds before giving in against every logical neuron firing their cannons in your brain, and kissing him back. It felt needed, so passionate and powerful that you felt your entire body heat up as if every blood vessel wanted to be known with a blush tone painting your skin.

As soon as he let you go to give you some breathing room, his hands still on your face, you pulled away. You only got a glimpse of his softened face and wide eyes before they turned to disappointment and face dropping in the same fashion. “D-don’t do that.” Was all you could mutter out, now on the brink of tears and choking on the sudden dryness in your throat. “I- we can’t- I can’t do this.”

You had felt your body go to its natural reaction when entering a panic attack, your face scrunching up so it turned sour, breathes beginning to stumble on each other, and body feeling like it was shaking. “Shit.” You heard Gerard mutter, feeling his arms wrap around you and slowly walking you to your couch.

You felt the cloth couch under you given that you were wearing loose shorts and Gerard let go of you which actually felt a lot better than the squeezing sensation against your shoulder. “Sweetheart,” You heard lightly through the pounding in your ear drums, “I need you to take deep breaths, count. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2…” The sequence continued as you slowly started focusing on your breath again and back to having relatively more control of your consciousness. As soon as you felt like you could speak again, you mumbled out.

“I- I’m s-sorry.” It was all you could say as your tears stained your face even more. It was a natural response for you to apologize for overly-showing emotions, despite years of therapists and others telling you it wasn’t something you should do.

“No, honey, it’s okay.” He reassured, placing his hand on your thigh, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that and led you into a panic attack I- that’s so fucked up.”

“You didn’t mean t-to.” You managed to say out loud. The room was silent for a few more seconds, Gerard grabbing the TV remote and turning it on. 
“Ah, perfect.” He said as your comfort show was of course the first thing that popped up. He hit play without asking for any permission. He got up, finding your pile of blankets on one of the chairs in the back corner of the living room, picking one out and coming back, draping it over the two of you. He was quick to place his arm around your shoulder, allowing you to find the comfort of his shoulder as a resting place for your head. He gave you a kiss on the head before whispering into your ear, “Anything else I can do?” You shook your head deciding you needed some more time to calm down before pursuing the serious conversation you were inevitably going to have tonight and just trying to enjoy the moment.

It all felt a bit surreal, and more like a movie. You had questioned if this was Gerard again just trying to keep you at bay, and if your words actually meant nothing to him but a manipulative tool to make sure you stayed. As your mind ran with this, you finally had to pop the question. “Are we doing this, yes or no?”

Simple as that and turning to him now more serious, he looked back at you, then at the TV with the remote to pause the show. It was a bit comical almost to see this very serious conversation was about to begin with a cartoon character in the background. “Do you want to?” Was all he asked back.

“I’ve wanted to for a while. It’s you I’ve been forced to wait for.” He smiled a bit at your response with it’s hint of snark, “And don’t just say yes to keep me, I can’t deal with this again. If you want to do this, you need to be 100% sure. If you need more time, you can take it. But I don’t want you to say yes for me, you need to say yes for you.”
 He took another moment, his eyes scanning your face while his small smile still remained. “You know I would say yes to anything you wanted.”

“Gee that’s not the point,” You argued back, “I don’t want to be stuck in a full blown relationship if you don’t want one. But I also don’t want to continue to play cat and mouse with you and be left waiting alone every night while you’re out with other girls. If you want me, you have all of me. If you don’t, you have none of me.”

You were finally turning the tables, letting him know how it was going to go. Finally taking control of this uncontrollable ship that was on its way to sink for a while. This was the sink or float moment.

He took a sigh, “I think I’m ready, if we’re being honest.” He admitted, “I’ve kind of realized how stupid it is to spend all this time with these girls who I know I’m never gonna be with in the long run. I would much rather spend it with someone I can picture marrying.”

Well that was a bomb if one was ever dropped. You stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds, before he spoke up again. “Most of the girls I dated was to distract me from you, anyways. I think I was running more from the idea of commitment than I was from you. But I’m ready to settle down, call it quits. Just be normal.”

“You mean it?” Was all you could manage to respond with, “Please tell me you mean it.”

“I never lie to you, sweetheart, you of all people know that.”

He wasn’t wrong. In your years long of friendship/flirty/kinda-dating-but-not-really-situationship he had never lied to you once. He had fucked with you a bit to keep you on edge with him, but never truly, fully lied. You hoped that this was no different.

“This better not be the first,” You said back, “Because I’ll give up anything and everything for you.”

[laysdimplesareillegal]

Character Development: Chapter 5

Pairing: Monsta X Changkyun x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: yandere themes, kidnapping, general delusion, angst

Character Development Masterlist

“Morning,” Changkyun whispered.

Seeing him lying next to me, inches away from my face, was shocking. I screamed and stumbled to get out of the bed.

“What the—why are you here?”

“In my bedroom?” He asked me while laughing, “Sorry, our bedroom”

I shook my head, “But I locked the door.”

He laughed again. “I have a key, of course”

One moment of peace, that’s all I'm asking for.

“Get back here, it’s still early.” His arms reached out to me.

Not. A. Chance. He gave me a pout. “No, I’m good.” I crossed my arms over my chest, was it always this cold in the house?

Changkyun watched me try the door; it wouldn't open. I whipped around to look at him, jiggling the handle loudly. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to ask properly. “Why won’t it open?” I demanded, ending softly so as not to provoke him.

“I locked it,” he answered simply, now sitting up, one hand resting on the bed where I had been.

I could feel my stress levels rising. I’m locked in a room with this psycho. And apparently, he can lock and unlock any door. Whereas I am becoming progressively more and more helpless. It was one thing to be sitting in the open floorplan of the kitchen-dining-living room downstairs. But here, it was as if the walls were closing in on me.

“Come back to me.” He requested.

Obeying felt like throwing away my dignity, but I was in constant fear it would be that or my life. My skin crawled as I climbed back onto the bed, almost falling off the edge to sit as far away as possible. Too close. Still too close. His face brightened and he tugged harshly on my arm, pulling me toward him. Manhandling me as he saw fit.

“This makes me so happy, you know.”

“I know.” I sighed, feeling utterly defeated. My back to his chest as he played with my hands.

For an hour, we sat like that. Or at least, I thought it was an hour. There wasn’t a clock in the bedroom. There wasn’t a clock in most of the rooms, except for the kitchen. Time seemed to drag on–more so with Changkyun here than before. Thankfully, he didn’t make me talk much, mostly just rambled to himself. I even managed to block him out at some points.

“--beakfast.” I heard, snapping back from zoning out.

Changkyun lifted me slightly, just enough to move me out of his lap, positioning me beside him, and got out of bed.  He must have said something along the lines of ‘Let’s have breakfast.’ I smirked and silently congratulated myself on being able to drown him out.

“Your smile is beautiful.” He grinned at me. “I told you, you would be happy here. I’ll make you happy.”

I had let my guard down. When I looked back up from my hands I’d punched the bed with, Changkyun was looking back at me, taking off his shirt.

“What are you doing!?” I looked away.

“Uh… getting dressed.”

“Go into the bathroom or something,” I shouted at him, averting my eyes.

Changkyun chuckled, “My y/n, so innocent and shy.”

He took some clothes and walked them to the bathroom. Despite it being him who was shirtless rather than me, I felt violated. Get me out of here.

“Are you not going to change?” He asked, re-entering the bedroom. “Wait,” he threw his pajamas, “I know just what you should wear!” He rifled through the dresser. Great, he had my whole wardrobe memorized now?

“I can find something mys–”

“No, this is perfect.” He held out a bulky sweatshirt of mine. “Then we can match,” he beamed.

I glanced from his excited expression, to the baggy white sweats he was wearing. “Great, we can match.” I mumbled sarcastically.

“Like a real couple,” he mused; I took the clothes he was holding out to me.

Gag me, I whispered.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, I’ll change, and uh meet you downstairs.”

He offered to wait for me, but when I assured him on how hungry I was, he rushed downstairs instead. I can’t get a grip on his personality. He’s so hot and cold. It's as if my tone could determine his whole state of being. But he also didn’t seem to care as long as I was saying what he wanted to hear. This is limbo. A continuous state of high tension, confusion, and most importantly, never ending mental torture. As easy as he was to set off, it was just as easy to please him.

I sat alone in the room after getting dressed. I needed to be alone to sort out my thoughts. What I wouldn’t give to at least step outside. I should have pushed through my drowsiness last night. Tried the doors or tied him up when he slept. Surely Changkyun would have to go back to work eventually, right? I just have to wait it out until then. If I spend this time learning about Changkyun, learning about the house, maybe I could find some way out. Or at least get a key to one of the locked doors. I had begun to understand why all the cleaning supplies were locked away.

The quiet was nice... To be away from Changkyun’s delusions. And then, of course, cue the bedroom door opening. Changkyun looked concerned as he had been calling out my name, “You haven’t come down for breakfast, is something wrong?”

He can’t be left alone for five minutes. “Just starting my morning off slow.” I answered although it was perfectly normal for me to have held back a couple minutes and needed absolutely no explanation. 

“Oh… okay… But I want you to come downstairs now.” This was not a request but a demand.

“Coming,” I stood up.

“I love that we’re matching.” He repeated.

“I know you do,” I signed, following him down the stairs.

“How about pancakes,” Changkyun suggested when we walked into the kitchen together. I shrugged. He stared back blankly.

“Sure.”

“I’m so excited to cook with you! You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this!”

Domesticity, I groaned, silently of course. “Changkyun I–”

“Yes love?”

My final straw, “I don’t want to cook with you,” I burst out. “I don’t want to match clothes with you! I want to go home!” I shouted at him while we walked. He did not look pleased.

“I think we need to talk,” was all Changkyun said. However, he was very deliberately directing me to sit down at the table. I don’t know what overcame me, I was becoming just as turbulent as him,

“No,” and possibly a little cocky.

His eyes widened. “I’m telling you to take a seat. It looks like you’re forgetting your place here.” Clutching my shoulder roughly, he walked me to the table. After pushing me down into one of the chairs, he added, “And that place is under my thumb,” for emphasis.

Fisting a handful of my hair, Changkyun forced me to look up at him. “When I ask you to do something, you do it.” His grip loosened and he let his hand glide through my hair. “I’m taking such good care of you,” he traced my jawline.

“My home is much better than where you were living before, and I’ve supplied you with anything you’d need. And I’ve not gotten so much as a ‘thank you’ from you. I even transported you here comfortably,” he was now smoothing my hair back and staring through me. “...tied up all your loose ends. You were bored of your job. And your family? How much have you thought about them really, since you got here?”

Every moment of every day. In fact, I even wrote them letters in case I never make it out of here.

“It’s time you stopped being so combative." he continued refocusing cupping my cheek and soothing my cheekbone with his thumb, "It was cute when you acted like that with other men, but I’m really not interested in it anymore. We’ve had a rocky start, but it will make our story all the more romantic. Now, kiss me and I’ll forgive you.” He closed his eyes and smiled, showing off his dimples.

I stared blankly and we sat there for a minute. He huffed and rolled his eyes, I felt like I was in a cringy coming of age argument.

“I guess I wasn’t clear enough. When I ask you to do something, you jump at the chance to fulfill my request.” He grabbed me by the jaw and forced a kiss on me. “See? That wasn’t so hard now, was it?” He whispered against my skin. “I forgive you,” He punctuated this with a pat on my head. He pulled away to hold me at arm's length by my shoulders, “I could never stay mad at you. Now let’s make breakfast.”

And so, Changkyun gets everything he wants.

Doing anything with Changkyun was a painful ordeal. He didn’t make anything easy. At one point he threw flour at me. I cringed and laughed to cover my blatant agitation. I imagined what would happen if I poured milk on him… probably best not to find out.

“Jagiya,” I didn’t realize I had zoned out again, while he handled the stove, ‘don't want you accidentally burning yourself.’ When I refused to answer to his pet names, he called out my name, “--I’m speaking to you.”

“Yes?”

“You don’t look like you're having fun.” I’m not. Changkyun gazed at me with disappointment.

“No,” I did my best to preserve the peace. “No, I’m having so much fun” I dipped my finger in the batter and swiped it across his cheek, “...with you.”

He looked slightly shocked, and then burst into a smile and started giggling. Honestly, that felt like a 50/50 shot. I joined him in laughing, though mostly out of relief. He cupped my face, with a sincere look in his eyes. Now I laughed genuinely. I couldn’t take him seriously with the batter smeared on his face,

“You look ridiculous” I blurted out. This obviously hurt him. He thought we were having a moment and I quite literally laughed in his face. “Uh, because of your face.” I was not remedying the situation. He pulled away. “I mean because of this.”

I grabbed him and aggressively wiped at his face. This only made more of a mess. Twice now, I've touched him voluntarily, and my hand burned because of it. Not that I was keeping count–he probably was though.  He froze, and coughed awkwardly–or, more likely, because of the smoke billowing off the pan on the stove.

Twice as flustered now, “Go over there, don’t breathe in the smoke, it's bad for you.” Changkyun prompted me to leave the kitchen. I obeyed, at least I don't have to clean it up. In the meantime, I made my way to the bathroom down the hall and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

“He is despicable.” I looked myself in the eyes. “He’s not friendly, he’s dangerous. A loose cannon and a criminal. Remember twenty minutes ago? Do not feel bad for hurting his feelings. He deserves every insult in the book, he is a monster.” After a couple more minutes of reminding myself Changkyun did not deserve me trying my hardest, I re-entered the kitchen.

“Sorry I ruined breakfast,” Changkyun looked at me with a discouraged expression.

“It’s not ruined, there's still some batter left!”

“If you like them with a little smoke.” 

“It just gives them an edge. Besides, there wasn’t that much smoke.” I was already back on my bullshit, and he didn’t even seem convinced. And then it hit me–how stupid I was. I hacked out a fake cough, “On second thought…” This made him panic. “Maybe we should open a window?”

He guided me out of the kitchen. “The windows don’t open.” He laughed incredulously.

“Oh… Right,” I chuckled, “Then maybe the back d–”

“No.” he said sternly.

We wound up in the library and didn’t speak, but I knew better than to try and leave when he shut the door purposefully behind us. Choosing to sit in the chair by the window, I drank in the midmorning sunlight. I wasn’t sure why he was so quiet, but busied myself reprimanding myself for falling for his puppy dog eyes and self-deprecation.

At some point he left; I stayed, so as not to look like I was following him. Eventually, he came back. I tried to act like I didn’t notice, like I was too wrapped up in this book, but the truth is I was painfully aware of his every move. My head ached from the hypervigilance, and it's been forever since I ate last. The sun and barred windows came together to cast harsh shadows on the floor, it must be past noon now.

Changkyun broke the silence, “This isn’t how I wanted to spend our first full day together.” That’s right, it’s only been a total of one full day. He crossed the small room to kneel in front of me, “please don’t ignore me.” This sounded much more like a plea than usual, and he placed his hands gently on my knees, “I ordered us something.”

I looked down my nose at him, doing my best not to shudder from his touch. Hopefully, he thinks I’m waiting for him to stop talking so I can carry on reading.

“Since apparently neither of us can be trusted to cook,” he let out a weak laugh, and looked away. I am not impressed. I know I’m most likely testing his patience, but I could get used to openly showing my disgust for him. “I’m sorry for putting you in danger. I never want you to be uncomfortable,” He looked away.

I raised an eyebrow, so this is why he was being so mild, he thinks I’m upset with him? Danger? Uncomfortable? A little smoke’s not gonna kill me. I rolled my eyes, internally of course. And don’t even get me started on being uncomfortable.

“The smoke’s all gone,” he said hopefully.

I would assume so, it’s not like the house was on fire. I brushed his hands off of me, “Is the food here?”

“Any minute now,'' he reports, delighted.

Gently, he plucks the book out of my hand and places it on the windowsill. I try to tug my hand away, but he already has a merciless grip on me, accompanied by a blissful smile on his face. I let him guide me into the kitchen while he rattled on about “Sorry” and “we’re so silly” and other things about us that he made up, like how similar we are. 

Lunch passed slowly also; except this time, I wasn’t allowed to leave when I was done. Although, I learned some things about Changkyun: he is a nepo baby, he travels relatively often, he's wildly obsessed with me, and his favorite color is purple (although it is unclear whether or not that is because it’s my favorite color). Of course, those were all things he told me. On inference, I learned he’s relatively estranged from his family, he’s a homebody, and him thinking I’m upset with him is much more propitious than me actually being upset with him. In other words, the cold shoulder is highly effective.

Since lunch was so late, I requested that I skip dinner. He did not oblige so I picked at my food and sat with him. We got onto the topic of hobbies which I thought was pointless because he made an effort to brag about how much he knew about me. This morphed into hobbies I should take up.

“You know what you need?” I stared at him. “To brush up on your Korean.” Brush up? I didn’t know any. “Not that it’ll be anytime soon, but when I go to work, I want you studying. And then we could talk to each other in Korean.” He swooned.

“Are you fluent?” He nodded; obviously happy I was inquiring about him. But that was the extent of the questions I asked.

And so the day crawled to a close, ending with us arguing about him leaving the room while I showered–I won after appealing to him: I’m, “still so shy. It’s cute.” I ended up leaving the shower running so I could fall asleep alone.

[casspurrjoybell-26]

💖Sweet Revenge💖 - Chapter 12

*Warning Adult Content*

Blake Welling

I had everything planned out in my head... exactly what I was going to say... exactly how I was going to say it but when Aaron opens the door wearing nothing but a pair of pale blue briefs, my train of thought goes straight off the rails.

My eyes drink in miles of milky skin and toned muscle, picking up all the details along the way... smooth shoulders, small, pink nipples, a tapered waist and lightly defined abs, the sharp angle of hips and finally, a generous bulge in the front of his briefs.

I swallow hard and swear.

He swears too and tries to slam the door in my face.

I catch it... barely... and by some miracle convince him to let me in and now I'm standing awkwardly in his small apartment while he quickly throws on some clothes.

"I don't need your concern," he says, facing away while he pulls a shirt over his head.

"I'm perfectly all right and have been for the past ten years, thanks very much. I don't need you barging into my life... into my apartment... for fuck's sake... telling me you're worried about me. Like I said last night, you don't know anything about me."

"I know something," I say, stubbornly refusing to be put off.

He spins to face me, his pale face drained of color, though from what emotion is hard to tell.

"Oh yeah and what version did you hear? Is it the one where I slit my wrists or the one where I tried to drown myself in the lake?"

"N-neither," I stammer, taken aback.

"Well then, what?" he demands.

"A b-bridge," I say.

He stares at me a moment, perfectly still, mouth slightly open.

"Shit."

He walks the two paces to his narrow bed and drops onto it, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands.

I stand for a moment, immobilized by uncertainty, before crossing the small room to sit beside him.

I don't touch him and I keep a few inches between us.

I just want him to know I'm here and I'm listening.

He looks up at me, and his eyes are slightly red, though whether from emotion or a rough night's sleep is hard to tell.

"I don't know what you heard or where you heard it from but I never tried to hurt myself, Blake. I didn't need to. You and your friends hurt me enough."

"They weren't my friends," I protest quickly.

He shoots me a glare.

"That's not what they told me."

"Who was it anyway?" I ask.

"Does it matter? What are you gonna do, track them down ten years after the fact and tell them off, Tarantino style? It's too late for that and I wouldn't want you to anyway."

"I can guess," I say grimly.

"I bet it was Chad Wilson, Brad Smith and Owen Forbes."

"Which one was Owen?" he asks, looking at his hands.

"Tall white kid with acne and creepy-pale eyes."

"Oh, yeah. That was him."

"Those three were the worst. The rest of the team were really sweet guys, believe it or not."

He's silent a moment.

"I do. I knew, even then, you weren't like them. They were hateful and ignorant and Chad at least was seriously repressed. You were just scared."

"I was," I admit.

"My parents are pretty religious and I was afraid they wouldn't love me anymore if they found out I was all about 'Adam and Steve.'"

"Do they know now?"

A little color has come back to his face, tinging the tops of his cheeks slightly pink.

The very fresh memory of him in his underwear intrudes on my mind, and I feel my own face grow warm.

"Yeah," I say, clearing my throat and leaning back on my hands.

"I came out a little while after the . . . after you gave us those chocolates. It just started to eat at my soul... that I'd done something so mean just to protect myself from the truth. I was afraid of people finding out who I was but I was more afraid of who I'd become if I kept doing stuff like that."

"What happened?" he asks, eyes as wide and blue as the sky.

I feel like I could fall into them.

I shrug.

"They weren't thrilled but they were more open-minded than I gave them credit for. They didn't disown me or give me any bullshit about 'lifestyle choices.' In fact, their main concern now is how soon they can meet their adopted grand-kids."

He smiles but it's stained with sadness.

"I'm glad it turned out okay for you," he says.

I'm a little afraid to ask but I do anyway.

"What about you?"

"My Mom wasn't in the picture," he shrugs.

"I think my Dad always suspected but when he found out for certain he kicked me out. Fortunately, my Grandma was a woman ahead of her time and she took me in until I left for college. I think she was the only one... besides my friend, Nina... who believed that I hadn't... that it was an accident."

He stares across the room and I follow the line of his gaze to a little glass display-case on a bookshelf.

Inside is some sort of tattered-looking book.

"Aaron?"

I lay my hand gently on his back and he startles beneath my touch.

When he turns to look at me, it seems like he's looking from a thousand miles away.

"I believe you, okay?" I say.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want. I . . . I'm actually not worried about what happened in the past. I'm worried about you now. You're pushing yourself too hard. Believe me, I recognize the symptoms. You're exhausted and unhappy and if you don't take care of yourself you're gonna make yourself sick. If something's bothering you..."

"It's you, Blake," he snaps.

"You're bothering me."

He stands, moving out of my reach.

"Look, I'll make you a deal. I'll tell you everything... every... fucking.... thing and then I want you to leave me alone."

He holds up his hands when I start to object.

"No... listen. I'm not saying forever. I know you're not the same guy you were ten years ago. Neither am I. We've both grown up and been through some shit and learned a thing or two along the way."

He pauses and bites his lip, adding in a softer voice...

"I like you, too... a lot but I'm asking you to leave me alone while I figure some stuff out. When I do, I'll come to you, okay?"

All I want to do is wrap him in my arms, take away every hurt he's ever felt, kiss him breathless and then fuck him 'til he can't walk.

Instead, I nod.

"Okay but can I buy you breakfast, at least?"

He blinks, clearly surprised I've agreed and then he laughs.

"Sure. You can do that."

[the-fiction-witch]

The Procedure

Media IRL

Character Thomas Brodie Sangster

Couple Thomas X Reader

Rating Sweet af

Concept The Procedure

I hummed my little tune to myself as I added the buttercream icing to the top of my freshly baked and freshly cooled Victoria sponge cupcakes. I headed the front door so I glanced up seeing Thomas set down his motorcycle helmet, slip his jacket off and hang it on his hook put a hand thought his hair as he sat on the last few steps of the stairs to untie and slip off his chunky motorcycle boots kicking them into the general direction of the shoe rack. 

"Hello darling" I cooed as I worked 

He came thought to the kitchen fixing his dark blue slightly washed out jeans and black slighly silky button down shirt with small white spots, he set his perculator to prepare him a coffee before he came over giving my cheek a kiss 

"Hi baby doll" he smiled

"How did it go?" I asked as he returned to creating his coffee

"Oh yeah great, got stabbed. I think I'm going to have a wicked bruise on my warm" he says showing off the inside of his elbow where he had a small plaster and yes by the look of him he would definitely be getting a bruise there infact it has already began to form. 

"Ohh you poor thing,"

"I'll be alright" he shurgs coming over to sit at the kitchen island with me 

"Did you want me to kiss your boo boo?"

"....yes please"

I smiled and gave his arm a kiss making him smile 

"Thank you"

"Your welcome, what took so long anyway you've been gone for ages?"

"Oh they where running an hour late when I got there"

"An hour late?"

"Yep" 

"My god you where only going in for a blood test Thomas"

"I know. Doctors waiting rooms are really boring. But they did have a motorbike magazine I could read"

"Aww that's good then"

"From 2001"

"Oh. Well… did you learn anything?"

"I leant what was the most popular motorcycle of 2001"

"Which was?"

"Ducati"

"Hu. I would have guessed Harley"

"They where second" 

"Atleast you learnt I suppose," I shrug and just then I noticed his hand creeping close to the cupcakes trying to sneak one away but I slapped his hand 

"Oww"

"No. Not Till after dinner" I told him as I finished the last one

"But babydoll you make the best cupcakes"

"Flattery will not give you cupcakes" 

"Ohh I almost forgot while I was waiting for my test I got really bored and I started looking around at the phanflets"

"Oh no. Your not convinced you have another disease are you?" 

"No. I'm thinking about something and I got a phanflet to maybe read a little more into it"

"Oh? I to what?" I asked taking the cupcakes to the fridge as to not tempt him further and when I returned to the kitchen island there sat a small white and blue NHS information phanflet with a word on it. A big word. "Your serious?"

"I'm thinking about" 

"Okay, did you want to discuss it?'

'i would yes help me talk it out"

"Alright go on then" 

"Well I'm getting to an age-"

"Your thirty two Thomas don't say your getting old"

"No, but I've been thinking alot about what I want out of life and all that" he explained "we have discussed at length that neither or us want kids"

"True."

"And even if let's say another ten years down the road we feel some magical instinct to want kids we both heavily favor both adoption and fostering over bringing another life into this fucked overpopulated world" 

"Very true"

"And my opinion on that isn't going to change"

"What if you get a girlfriend who wants kids?"

"I don't see that happening." 

"But if we broke up and you met some other-"

"Y/n. I'm not going to find someone else. I've found you. Your my girl." He smiled kissing my hand "if nothing else it's certainly a sign of commitment" 

"There are ones that wouldn't require permanent surgery" 

"Yes but a wedding is several thousand pounds, on the NHS a vasectomy is free" 

"Good point" I laughed. "what's some pros and cons then?"

"Pro. Improved sex"

"Con. Your mother will be angry"

"She'll get grandkids out of Ava" 

"Con. It's perminate and you might change your mind"

"I don't want kids"

"We could break up"

"I don't see that. I love you too much"

"I love you too, but you must have loved the girls before me?"

"I did. But I saw an end with all of them I don't see one with you" 

"That's sweet Thomas"

"Pro. Condomless sex is more pleasurable, and way more fun in general"

"Con. Messier"

"Pro. We don't have to buy condoms ever again there for saving in the monthly budget" 

"Okay, your going to be in pain. Alot of it"

"It's worth it. For the peace of mind."

"This is something you really want?"

"I do. The only thing holding me back is you. Your my girlfriend. I love you. This is something that lets be honest it's not really relevant to me it's relevant to you. If I do this I can't ever make you a mother. I can't give you a child. And I know it sounds like a dick thing to say but you could turn around five ten years down the line and want me to give you a baby, if I do this I can't."

"I'm not in charge of your dick Thomas"

"No but your opinion is greatly appreciated. And let's be honest you tell me to do anything with my dick I'm probably gonna do it since you are the one able to give or deny me blow jobs" 

"True. I don't want children Thomas now or ever. If at some point I feel the need to nurture. We will get a cat. And if that doesn't work then there are always options" I smiled

"But it can't be ours."

".... If you want you can always save some before the procedure? Just in case"

"Just in case. That's an option" 

"I'll still love you no matter what you pick but it's your decision"

"Okay." He nods 

I sat in bed reading my book as Thomas sat on the laptop,

"Stop reading your just going to make yourself feel worse" I giggled

"I'm just worried"

"I know that's why it's good to weigh the options"

"I know."

"How does it work then?"

"They snip the tube so they don't cut anything off just disconnect it so the little swimmers don't come out" 

"Hu okay"

"I have to be awake. While they do it"

"Oh dear. At Least you won't have to deal with being knocked out though you never do well with that"

"Because they always give me way to much and it takes a while to clear my system which always makes them panic and assume I'm dead"

"How long where you like medically comatosed after that motorbike crash?'

"Two days"

"I thought you were dead"

"Honestly so did I" He explained "99% effective, that is reassuring." 

"It's there like any risk it can like reconnect" 

"A very small chance but it can be snapped again if so" 

"How long I the recovery?"

"Well it'll be painful but you can go back to normal within like two or three days"

"Thats good"

"Just no heavy lifting and such so no motorbike stuff for a few weeks"

"Understandable when they have just stabbed your crotch" 

"No sex for a week after and I have to do two tests to check the tubes are clear of swimmers" 

"Okay, like the one they made you take before allowing you to be referred?"

"Yeah I just have to jizz in a cup And bring it to them I had to for the referral he had to check I didn't have like super rare sperm or something"

"Do you?"

"No I have idiots"

"Idiots?"

"Four of them were swimming the wrong way and half of them didn't have tails or did and where broken and going around in circles and that was just the sample he showed me"

"Hu. Yeah little idiots"

"He asked me if we had kids and I said no and he literally told me yeah I doubt you after looking at these" 

“Stop reading thomas you’re just going to worry yourself now come on get to bed” I smiled putting the laptop away 

“Alright” he smiled giving me a little cuddle 

“Did you want a snuggle before tomorrow?”

“No it's okay, I’m waiting till after when we can snuggle without risk” 

“Alright, goodnight”

“Goodnight” 

[keffirinne]

Here it is! The first request in queue. Hope it will be to your liking anon :) It's also something I wanted to write myself, an attempt to glance behind Roman's mask.

I came also to conclusion, I'd like to finish this series with this chapter. I will pobably post more, have requests and drafts in queue, but they will be oneshots, less or no at all referring to previous chapters. It helps my brain to understand that I can finish things, hehe.

So, have fun reading!

Roman Sionis oneshots - part 10

Pairing: Roman Sionis x Y/N

Summary: It’s a rare moment, when Roman’s mask cracks for a short time, revealing a bit of his side that he keeps only for himself.

Y/N comforting Roman.

A MAN BEHIND THE MASK

Slowly, you got up from your knee, numb and worn. For the last minutes the whole weight of your body was spread on your knees and elbows, that you rubbed now with a visible grimace on your face. Inside, you were still wet and swollen. Every rapid movement was bringing back the stinging sense of pain. Your body was sore from the aggressive and selfish sex and though you reached the climax, it didn’t bring you the full satisfaction. Today was one of those days when Roman wasn’t in a good mood, so it was pointless to count on any attempts from him to make it even. As soon as he finished, satisfying himself, he slipped his cock out of you and started to get dressed. His hair disheveled, face still redded from exertion, all the visible traces of a passion you just shared were disappearing in his blank eyes. He threw a shirt on his back, which hid traces of your nails dug in his flesh in an ineffable act of passion, and he started to button it mechanically. His chest was moving up and down in an accelerated rhythm, you silently observed as he puts on his clothes and gets himself ready. Not a word, not even a glance at you. As if you even weren’t here anymore. Just a remedy for his condition. The illusionary closeness between you from a moment ago was now completely gone, replaced by an invisible wall of cold and distance.

“Leave.” he said coldly.

You knew this pattern well and what was about to happen next, but it didn’t change the fact that it still was bitter to hear it spoken out loud. Every time he kicked you off, his words were leaving a hurtful dose of rejection you were suppressing inside. After rolling out of bed, you gathered your belongings and made a move towards the exit, giving him the last glance over your shoulder. He sat down on the bed, slightly hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, resembling now more of a statue than a living man. One of many he was collecting himself, displayed in his living room. Cold, untouched, inaccessible. How unreal it now felt that just a few minutes ago he was inside you, buried in your warmth, giving you the best substitute of closeness you could count on. Even if the feeling was only superficial, it felt real. Now, it was completely gone. What remained was a closed, unreachable fortress.

You stopped in the door.

Where did this sudden doubt come from? You didn’t have to stay, why would you? And what would you want to achieve? He didn’t want you here, he said it clearly. You weren’t Tony Soprano’s psychologist to impose yourself like that. Comparison to her made you wince. You had a tone of your own problems and not enough altruism to deal with someone else’s unresolved issues. Especially if that someone didn’t want your help in the first way.  

He’ll get over it.

You would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t wonder what was going on in his head. You didn’t know much of Roman’s past, just the general facts about his messed up family he had no contact with now or short episodes in Arkham and Blackgate which was probably just the tip of the iceberg of what he had been through in life. It didn’t excuse his actions of course, nothing did, but it was giving some understanding. He just reacted the way he did because it felt natural to him, it was his way of dealing with unwanted emotions and problems. Nothing that should concern you. You and him weren’t even together, you had been dating for a few weeks, for sex mostly, it wasn’t a real relationship. 

Am I completely fucked up?

Standing in the door, you turned on your heel and hesitantly took a step back, and then one more. Roman didn’t move, already acting as if you were no longer here. Maybe he didn’t even notice that you didn’t leave? You slowly walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress, not far from him. He was turned back to you, so you couldn’t see his face. When the mattress moved under your weight, he lifted his head to glance at you. His bright eyes were now ice cold, not the look you liked. 

“I told you to leave.” he said, his tone rough and angry.

He did, but you stayed. You wanted to say something back, but you couldn’t find the words. What was the reason you didn’t leave? It wasn’t clear to you. You reached out your hand towards his shoulder to rest it on it, but you stopped it in mid-air. After a brief pause of hesitation, you made up your mind and gently placed it on his back. You expected rejection and that was what happened, Roman straight off threw your hand away.

“Fuck off.” he growled.

You should have listened to him and respected his wish to be left alone. But despite all the logic, you moved closer to him. You remained silent, waiting for his reaction but also because you didn’t know what to say. Roman didn’t do anything, he just kept ignoring your annoying presence. It probably was annoying, he told you to get away already three times, what else was he gonna do? In the end, he didn’t push you away, so maybe it was some kind of reaction. Taking it as a good sign, you stayed in this position, sitting close to him for some time in complete silence. The only sounds were your breaths, quiet and steady, interrupting the stillness from time to time. As the time passed by, you had your doubts about the whole point of being here and not doing anything, but some invisible force was stopping you from leaving. You couldn’t articulate what it was, but a part of you wanted to stay. The curiosity, what would happen if you broke the pattern just once. In the worst case scenario, Roman would kick you out and call you names, your ego would be hurt, but it wasn't anything you couldn’t handle. A single, disturbing thought crossed your mind whether he would be able to hit you. He’d never done it, but you’d seen him in a bad mood before and the likely answer made you anxious. You could always break up with him, that was always a way. After all, you weren’t even together so not sure if it would even count as a breakup. You two would just stop seeing each other. Roman, despite his possessiveness and other toxic traits wouldn't’ take it too hard in your opinion, maybe his ego would show up a little but nothing more. You weren’t a big deal. To be honest, you didn't expect your fling to last this long, not with his character and reputation. If you left now, you could pretend it never happened. You would wait a few days to enjoy a momentary substitute for closeness again.

But you stayed.

“Are you deaf or stupid? I told you to fuck off.”

You lifted your head to look at him. He was in the same position as before with his back turned to you, his face hidden from your eyes. He was just next to you, yet the invisible wall of coldness and distance between you was making him inaccessible. Maybe it was an instinct, or maybe a simple curiosity, but you reached out your hand once again, gently, just brushing his back with your fingertips, and placed it on his shoulder. All tense, you were waiting for the rejection. But to your surprise, Roman didn't throw away your hand this time. It was possible that the touch was so gentle that he didn't even feel it. You froze, afraid to move in any way to not scare him away. Your heart started to beat faster, preparing for any possible response. But as time passed and Roman didn't react at all, you took it as an unspoken permission. Slowly, you got even close so that your hip was now touching his, shortening the distance between you. Carefully, you placed your other hand on his back. The sudden warm feeling of his body radiating from under the thin material reminded you that he was no stone statue, something you managed to forget. You had touched him so many times, dissolving his hair, digging your nails into his back until they left marks, but somehow, it felt like you were doing it now for the first time. This was different, and strangely even more intimate than all the times you had had sex. If he pushed you away now, you would let him do it, you would probably leave, forgetting it ever happened. But inside you didn't want him to do that. You wanted him to let you get closer to him. You wanted to see that part of him that he never showed, that you knew was hidden behind that mask of arrogance and cynicism. Was it selfish? Maybe. But the temptation was too big. Now, like never before, you had the chance to glance under the facade and see him as he really was. That vulnerable image he didn't allow himself to appear in front of anyone, not even himself. You ran your hands over his arms, slowly sliding them down his back. You slipped them then under his arms, placing them on his chest as if you were hugging him from behind. It might have been the stupidest thing you could think of, but you pressed your chest against his back and rested your cheek against it. The scent of his body mixed with his cologne danced in your nostrils. Blame it on the pheromones, but you liked the way he smelled. Your heart was racing like it was about to burst out of your chest, but you remained in this one-sided embrace. Under your fingertips you sensed the beating of his heart, it was fast. The anxious thought of him hitting you crossed your mind again.

“Why are you doing this?”

When he spoke up unexpectedly, breaking the stunning silence, you almost jumped. His voice was quiet and low, but there were no hints of anger in it anymore.

“I don’t know.” you answered sincerely.

You tried to loosen the grip, but his hand stopped you. He pressed it with his big, cold palm to his chest, stopping you from taking it away. Completely taken aback, you froze. It wasn't out of lust or flirtation, it was a simple and sincere gesture. Something real. The weight of his hand on your, the brush of his fingers, not forcing but to keep you close. It was the first moment he wasn't playing. When he was just a man, hidden behind the mask. 

~ ~ ~

the Roman Sionis Toxic Love Fangirl Taglist

@thegreatwicked @tarrenterror25 @daenerys-skywalker @supernatural-lover @hereticpriest

-> link to AO3 <-

For the Roman Sionis oneshots series, can I request one where he shows the reader his softer, more vulnerable side? I know he has that buried somewhere under all the smugness.

Like maybe he confesses to the reader that he actually does have feelings for them, or something goes wrong with his business and the reader comforts him? Anything like that <3

Uuuu I like this so much! I actually have something similiar already planned in my drafts, something very subtle, showing a bit of Roman's vulnerable side, but nothing too excessive. I might go with it a bit further with it and see where it leads me.

Not sure yet when I'll post it, upcoming weeks in March seem busy, but I'll try my best.

Thanks anon for your request and your comments! Always happy to read them :3