#on friday i'll have a 10 hour shift so i'll do nothing

[spokelseskladden]

I've gotten into a cooking cycle that's both great and also hell. So I've made caramels today, and I bought a lot of cream for it. but I didn't use cream after all, so now I have a lot of cream I need to use. Well it's christmas so I can make risalamande with a raspberry sauce. to make risalamande I'll need to make a rice pudding, and there will be a lot of berry left after making the sauce so I guess I'll turn the rest into a jam so I don't waste food. BUT!

I've also planned to make some meringues to give away as presents, and then i'll be left with a lot of egg yolks, so I thought I'd make a lemon curd. And then I saw a recipe for lemon curd briochettes, and hey! I can use the rest of the milk i'll be using for the rice pudding! and yes I'll have to squeeze all of this into the weekend somehow, even though it's christmas on sunday so like. Wish me luck!

[lesbianloml]

the beginning

my babysitter au

type of piece(s): imagine, oneshot, drabble, series

type(s) of writing: smut, angst, fluff, dark (the story will contain all of the above)

pairing(s): milf!dom!dark!wanda maximoff x innocent!sub!immune!witch!fem!reader

warning(s): legal age gap (wanda is 33, reader is 21), perverted men, mentions of sex, this is just where they meet so nothing big

summary: when wanda hires a new babysitter, she is shocked to find that there are some things she doesn't know about her town. the biggest shock is you, you are immune to wanda's powers. an even bigger shock comes when wanda finds out you have powers of your own.

a/n: this series is going to be LOOSLY based on my wandavision dr. if anyone has anything they would like to see or something, let me know. and if anyone wants to talk about shifting, hit me up. i kinda imagined reader as a soft and quiet girl. also, you're kinda a whore. and you love to read and bake. in this series, wanda doesn't really do a tv show or different eras, it's all just normal. but the agents and stuff outside the hex have a big part. reader works at the local café that she owns and spends most of her free time in the library. anyways, enjoy part one!

1.8k words

(not my pics)

(pretend she had billy and tommy before the hex)

"what's the name for your order?" you asked, a little annoyed. you loved your job, but the older man standing in front of you made you want to throw your apron down and quit. "cohen, babe. don't forget next time" cohen shoots you a wink. you hold back a gag as you try to smile politely, writing the name on the side of the cup and turning your back to begin making the drink. grabbing a bag from behind you, you set the cinnamon pastry you made a few hours prior into a container and set it in the bag. as quick as you can, you mix up his drink and slap a lid on it while rolling up the top of the bag, wanting him to leave as soon as possible. "here you go" you say, spinning around and handing the bag and the drink to him. he gives you a look and opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, you tap the counter three times swiftly. your work best friend, sophie comes around from the back. "hey babe! is he causing you trouble?" cohen glares harshly at sophie, but one thing you love about her is the way she doesn't back down. sophie gives him a look that immediately has cohen scurrying out the door, tail between his legs. "thanks soph" "anytime love. we get off in fifteen, where you going tonight? your apartment or your mom's house?" you look around to see an empty café, emptier than usual. usually, the shop is packed full of starved or thirsty customers. but it's dark outside, and who would come get caffeine and food at 9:45 at night?

"I'll just stop by the library real quick before it closes and then head home and watch a movie or something." you say, smiling as you think about the old library downtown. it was your favorite place to be whenever you had free time or just needed some quiet. you turn and stacked some more cups and filled up the napkin container while waiting for your shift to end or another customer to walk in. you hear soph come out from the back room, where she was restocking supplies. "hey girl, can i ask a favor?" "yeah i'll stay and lock up so you can go fuck shawn" you say with a smirk and a giggle. sophie gasps dramatically. "how'd you know what i was gonna ask?" "because you ask me at least once a week. and the fact that you're a year older than me and supposed to be more mature makes it even funnier" "thank you! i'll see you tomorrow. don't forget, on sunday night we're baking treats for the elementary school bake sale on monday." "got it. i love you. see you sunday. enjoy shawn!" you sing as sophie laughs. "i will. love you too." "today is friday so on sunday, i need to be here by 5:00am so i can set up the tables and stuff to be ready to open at 6:00am. then i'll work until 10:00pm, close up, and help sophie bake some treats for monday's bake sale at the elementary school" you plan your day tomorrow in your head. glancing at the clock, you see it reads 9:55pm. 5 more minutes until you can lock up and leave. you work on monday, wednesday, friday, and sunday from 5:00am to 10:30pm. you usually open at 6:00am and close at 10:00pm 4/7 days a week. you love your job but hate the hours. your job at the coffee shop payed extremely well, so no matter how much you hated waking up before the sun, you weren't going to quit. you grab a rag and wipe the counters down. 3 minutes until you lock up and leave.

you spin around when you hear the little bell above the shop door ding, signaling someone came in. you almost drop the damp rag you're holding when you see her, a women, maybe in her early thirties. she had beautiful red hair and striking green eyes. her clothes were casual and relaxed, but you were sure she was some sort of powerful figure from the way she walked and held herself. you had never seen her in westview before, you were sure you'd remember her, and you'd lived in westview since you were eighteen, so three years now. you shake your head before walking around the counter to greet the women. she's even prettier up close. "you came in at the perfect time. i was just about to lock up." you tell the women with a smile. "oh, i can leave if you're closed-" before the women starts apologizing, you cut her off. "oh no, it's ok. i don't mind, i was getting lonely in here anyways. what can i get for you tonight?" "just a coffee and a piece of apple pie, please" you nod and turn to make her order. you don't ask her name, too shy to do so. it's a good thing that this women isn't. "i'm wanda." "y/n. i don't remember seeing you around westview. did you just move here?" you ask, sliding her drink and bag with the pie in the container to her over the counter. "no, we haven't moved here yet. i was just looking around, getting ready to move in with my boys" "oh, you have kids? how old?" "i have twin boys. they're ten" wanda's face lights up when she talks about them. "cute! i guess i'll be seeing you around more if you're going to move here" "you sure will, sweetheart." you wonder what that's supposed to mean as wanda smiles at you before paying and exiting the café, leaving a trail of perfume in her wake.

wanda turns the wheel to the left, not really knowing what she's looking for, but knows she's looking for something. wanda reminds herself that she needs to head back to the hotel and rest up for tomorrow when she and her boys were going to move into their new home. ever since vision kicked them out, they've been staying in a hotel but then wanda remembered the house that she owned in westview. the perfect place for her and her boys to start over. as wanda is thinking, her head droops and stomach grumbles. she hasn't drank or eaten anything all day. wanda continues driving around the streets, looking for a restaurant or something that she could get a bite to eat at. wanda slows the car when she sees a little café on the corner, letting out a sigh of relief as she sees movement and light from inside. she wouldn't have made it the forty five minutes back to the hotel without eating something. she quickly climbs out of her car and enters the café, not really paying attention to who's there with her. wanda just wants to get back as soon as she can. "you came in at the perfect time. i was just about to lock up" wanda almost falls over at the sound of the other female's voice. it was so relaxing and quiet. so beautiful. she glances up to look and sees you. wanda swears she stops breathing for a moment. you were the most gorgeous thing she'd ever seen. with the prettiest smile, even at the disturbance, and the softest voice, wanda swore she just met an angel. you had to be an angel. you're smiling. at her. "oh, i can leave if you're closed-" "oh no. it's ok. i don't mind, i was getting lonely in here anyways. what can i get for you tonight?" you were so sweet, so kind. "just a coffee and a slice of apple pie, please" wanda smirks to herself when she sees the tint of blush on your cheeks. you were so cute, too shy to talk to her or ask her name. "i'm wanda" "y/n. i don't remember seeing you around westview. did you just move here?" wanda watches you slide the bag and coffee across the counter towards her. "no, we haven't moved here yet. i was just looking around, getting ready to move in with my boys" wanda states. "oh, you have kids? how old?" "i have twin boys. they're ten" she smiles at the thought of her boys. "cute! i guess i'll be seeing you around more if you're going to move here" "you sure will, sweetheart."

as wanda clambers into her car to begin the drive home, she thinks about the girl at the counter. "y/n" wanda thinks to herself, smiling at the name. she thinks it suits you. and as wanda is turning onto the freeway, she thinks to herself, "that girl will be mine"

as you lock up the café and slide into your car, you think about the women you saw. she was very pretty, and you hope that her and her kids move in ok. as you turn you car on and pull out of the parking lot, you rest your hands on the wheel as you begin driving home. your mind is pleasantly empty on the drive back to your apartment.

the first time wanda ever met you, wanda thought about you the entire drive back to the hotel. you were the most angelic person she'd ever met, and she was enchanted by you. the first time that you met wanda, you thought about her once before driving home. she was just another customer to you. but little did you know, you were becoming so much more to her.

little do you know, this is just the beginning

[fuck-customers]

I loved my job when I got it but three years later it's taken a rapid descent into me hating it.

There's nothing I enjoy about it anymore. The things that were nice about the job (time off as needed, I can listen to music all day, I work with animals and I love seeing them every day, decent pay raises) have either become not worth it, something my coworkers have made terrible, or something the joy has just been vacuumed out of.

One coworker listens to music, tiktoks, and musicals on her phone without earbuds and extremely loudly. It's just her and me in the room. I'm stuck in there for 4 hours on a mindless task and I'm beginning to lose it. I hear her bullshit even with two earbuds in. My coworkers don't treat me like a person. I'm left out of everything. They ignore me when I speak. They move my supplies and the one who MAKES the materials for my job just doesn't sometimes, sometimes for a full week or more, which costs me multiple hours of work. I've been here longer than anyone and I don't know what I've done to deserve this. I've barely interacted with them. I love the animals still but I don't enjoy interacting with them as much as I used to. I clock in and out and spend every day either numb or angry. I get home and I want to cry.

I spend my days off dreading the next shift and my heart rate has gone up. I get up before work and I want to die. I have no energy at all. It's work, come home and shower, force myself to eat since I don't have the appetite before work or the money to order food at work since it's in the middle of nowhere. I'm barely sleeping. I need to go to therapy but that's $200 a session and I don't have time anyway.

I don't have options. It's this place or nothing. I'm disabled, I won't pass a drug test because I use d8 (legally) for pain, and everything around here starts at $9/hr if I'm lucky.

I want to stay in bed tomorrow and no call no show until they forget who I am. But they won't, and I'm the only person trained to take care of the animals. No one else has this job. I was their first employee and I'm irreplaceable and they know it. I basically skipped Friday without any consequences because what are they supposed to do? It's me or find someone who'll take the job and spend half a year training them.

But I want to leave so badly and I can't. I won't let the animals suffer because of me. Even if I'd love to leave the people there frantic to replace me.

I'm trying to schedule a meeting with my boss to request consistent hours, a decent raise of at least a dollar, and some fucking peace and quiet so I don't have a mental breakdown at 10 in the morning. Oh, and maybe figure out why grown fucking adults are pretending I'm invisible. Maybe if that works it'll get better working there again.

If not.. I guess I'll just continue to be miserable until I wake up one day and just can't bring myself to get up at all.

[avaguenotion]

10/29/2023 - i didn't quit.

Here we are on this Sunday the 29th of October and I can surely say that I have no quit my job at Target yet. Although today is the first day I cancelled a shift - I woke up way early in the morning around 3ish and my body was just so sore and I felt so constricted and overwhelmed that I chose - with great reluctance - to cancel my shift via the computer software "mytime." This is not something I want to do often and I really did hesitate for a while but ultimately I accepted that I just needed this day to rest before I go back again. Yesterday I worked with a new manager named Zack and he seemed pretty cool from what interactions I had with him. Only that he kept pressuring me - with good reason - to be more mindful of the time I had for my order. I ended up being way late on my GM pickup batch and I had to cut it short. It does make me feel bad when things like that happen but something about me is a little more tolerant and indifferent. I know that way back before medications stuff like that would have pushed me over the edge but now I kind of sit with it. I just accept it as something that happened and live with that slight disturbance but ultimately accept that they have not chosen to fire me yet and I have not chosen to quit so there really is nothing to be done other than to try harder next time. I really liked working on the "ship from store" order more than the "pick ups" because there was no time. Sure moving quickly is important but there really is no actual clock counting down the time. After this week I'm scheduled for a 30 hour week and then a 35 hour week which are both outside of my requested weekly hours. I think I can live with the 30 hour week but the 35 one is going to be insane. I'll probably talk to someone from HR about this soon. That's work...... Aside from that there's the general feeling of uncertainty I have about my future. It's so subtle and no one will understand unless they've been on these drugs but the level of apathy and amotivation that comes with antipsychotics really does make setting goals and taking initiative harder. I have truly lost a significant amount of my interest in science, math, and physics as well as my creative writing, drawing. The only thing that remains more intact is my interest in music and even that ebbs and flows. I don't know. I also had court last Friday on the 27th and the new judge is a bit more intense than the old one. They want that report from Anne Klein done ASAP which means some inpatient hospital time. The judge also wants to see me every 2 weeks until then I suppose. Finally, a report from my psychiatrist about my general well being I guess. A lot has happened since I've returned from florida. Day by day I reckon.

[insidekaz]

Lost my job today for bullshit reasons

Just when I thought I was getting a hold of this adulting stuff too, just when I thought everything was starting to mellow out and I would be able to take it slow for a bit, reality really just had to slap me in the face like that, huh?

Let me back track a bit and start off with my usual greetings. Hello everyone, Kaz here. I'm just your local internet nobody who has big dreams but even bigger panic attacks on a daily basis. I'm the type of enby who spends most of their days working hard for someone else while fantasizing about working for myself. I have an update video I've been meaning to make, I have Twitch assets I've been meaning to finish, I have writing that I've been meaning to hop back on, and all of it has been placed on an immediate halt as of late.

(Okay Kaz, now you're just starting to sound dramatic...)

I'll cut the excess fat of the beef here. I got fired from my factory job today. "Why?" is probably what you're asking. Well, long story short, it's because of the big ol' UAW strike that's currently going on. It's affecting a lot of automotive companies, my former one included. Because of this, my last job decided to let go a lot of people, explaining it to me as an "extended lay off" until further notice, the cherry on that collapsing sundae being that I would be getting a call from H.R. sometime between the next few days to within the next two weeks on whether or not they'll be able to find a position for me. To anyone else, that sounds like a

Fantastic Extended Vacation From Work!

...but I know when to take a hint when it hits me. I admit, I may be oblivious to most things that happen around me, but this was a pretty blatant sign to file for unemployment and start job hunting. The most bullshit thing about the whole ordeal is that they decided to pull me aside and let me go a good 8 hours into my 10 hour shift, specifically doing it about five-ish minutes before my last break. I couldn't bring myself to call my partner to tell them the news, nor sit around for two hours and wait for them to come and pick me up, so I dragged my angry ass home on my own two feet, cursing that factory, the management, and the matter of the existence of the whole situation. The only curtesy they did for me was allowing me to using the front exit instead of the side exit so that no one had to basically watch me take the walk of shame.

Thus here I am, sitting at my computer, blogging my feelings away to a Tumblr blog that I'm happy no one sits down and reads. Trust me, there hasn't really been anything too interesting so far. I'm just some guy who complains about his life to anyone who's willing to listen. Even then, I still hold my complaints back. My partner was entirely understanding of the whole ordeal, so my fear of them leaving me because of this has quickly subsided, but I can't help but feel like I'm still an overall failure. I mean, sure, I didn't exactly enjoy the job, but I'd rather be doing something I hate for money than be doing nothing at all. It's currently 3 in the morning when I'm typing this. My partner is sleeping in the bedroom, so I'm probably gonna take the couch and try my best not to wake them up. Today, I rest. Tomorrow, I start job hunting. By Friday, I should either have landed a job or at least have an interview set up to start a new one. Let's just hope everything works out.

Here's what I'm listening to today. I listened to it on my way home from work, and it surprisingly lifted my spirits a bit. Still not sure what the lyrics mean, but now I have time to dissect them. I wish you all a good day, and a wish that you don't do anything stupid. If you do, at least name it after me, especially if it was stupid and cool.

[rabbittrash01]

Life Update :D

Hi all! SO I'll try and keep this brief, I got a new job! I went from making 8.50 an hour (bi-weekly) to now 18.50.

So what does this mean for my art, commissions, and trades? Well, I went from working 3-6 hour shifts to working back-to-back 10-hour shifts. I need a reasonable amount of time to agust as I work 3rd shift (7:30 pm to 6:00 am). I'm already 3 days in and I would imagine, but this time (Friday the 14th) or next week (Friday the 21st) I'll have this all down pat and won't be near as sore and sick after my shifts. I do Factory work now, so I'm putting shit together all night.

however, for the time being, my commissions are closed.

Just give me the time to adjust to this new chapter in my life. This new job means I can live more comfortably as well as put some more money into my passion projects. you'll be seeing a lot more cool things from me once I'm used to this new job.

Big thanks to my lovely followers and the small community I've begone to build. Ya'll have been nothing but uplifting this past year.

Have any questions or concerns? Shoot me a message!

[thecheesywritingcabin]

Regular Routine

So, the last two months have been moving at a rapid pace. The third draft feels like it's about halfway done, but it's still too early to start talking about beta-reading and whatnot.

Since I'm working at the moment, I thought it might be nice to talk about my writing/editing routine. It might be nice in terms of catharsis, as well as gives me a little break from my edit today.

So, let me break down how I survive working on this and my job as a pathology collector. Spoiler alert: this is a very, very long way of saying "take some breaks".

What Is Your Current Writing Routine?

Unless I have time off, I only edit on Sundays. Sometimes I'll get spicy and do some the Saturday evening, but more often than not I'm dicking around playing video games and decompressing from work.

Now, sometimes I'll plan some extra writing time in around work, but that can be a little bit of a nightmare.

How Long Do I Work For?

I don't talk about myself much online, so let me give you some context. I'm in pathology, and my roster is a mess. In fact, Wednesday and Thursday I don't know where I am until 6am that morning, or the previous afternoon if my boss has had time to plan. Monday and Tuesday meanwhile I work two shifts that are both three hours long - this used to be eight hours accumulative, but the evening shift had its hours cut. Friday I work five hours and on alternate Saturdays I work three and a half hours.

So, this sounds manageable, right?

Here's where it gets weird. First of all, the mornings of Monday, Tuesday or Friday I can get redeployed elsewhere, working either longer or farther away. One time, I worked from 8-2pm, then 3-6pm about 30 minutes away from the first location. Early in my career, my boss was so short staffed I wound up working close to 12 hours. Never again.

Wednesday and Thursday meanwhile I've more or less been locked into a 9.5 hour shift because few other staff know how to work that particular room.

In summary, most weeks I work about 36 hours, not including the weekend or redeployment. That translates to 75.5 hours per fortnight, just 30 minutes shy of full time hours here in Australia.

How Do I Manage These Hours and Writing?

For those of you who haven't worked in my industry, there can sometimes be gaps as wide as 2 hours between clients. During this time, it's best to do the store orders, stock counts and any miscellaneous tasks since there are a lot of those.

However, doing all these tasks take up about 15-20 minutes of your day. In fact, it's pretty easy to complete them all in the first hour if no clients show up.

In my company at least, you can be sent to rooms where there is nobody but you on site, and your clients are in the single digits.

You can probably see where I'm going with this.

Once the daily chores are done and there's no clients, I will whip out my journal and set a timer for 10-15 minutes, taking advantage of the excess float time. If I'm doing a big chapter, I might even do a draft on my lunchbreak if it's long enough.

In fact, a good chunk of Draft 1 was written like this.

This Sounds Exhausting

Well, that's because it is. There's no nice way to say it, but there's a reason there were 5-6 years where I posted nothing on Tumblr. Writing on the job takes away time that I might have otherwise used to rest in between clients.

It's all about finding balance. I do it on days I have the energy, but if I had a busy day or things have been going badly I won't touch my pen.

I'm sure most of you have heard a variation of this advice: find the gaps in your day, maybe get up earlier or stay up later if you need to, so you can allocate that time to write. That's basically what I do, but sometimes you need to take a break.

The problem for me while writing Draft 1 of Case of the Crawling Shadow, at least for a while, I would try to cram writing into every spare gap I had. This is a side effect of doing Camp Nanowrimo in 2022, but even going into Draft 2 I tried to keep up that momentum.

I wore myself down until I feel like a nub of a person. I was trying to do 3 chapters worth of editing a week, and suffered for it.

What's Happening Now?

At this point, my goal is to finish the Case of the Crawling Shadow's third draft so we can start sending it to beta readers. It's about 50% done, but going slowly. My body is still a bit grimy from the whirlwind drafting process, and I've been working resting into my editing time.

With any luck, we'll finally be able to start getting the ball rolling this year. I'm pretty excited for it. For now, I am alternating editing this chapter and building a McMansion in Sons of the Forest.

[calif0rnia-lovers]

#1: the proposal | plan b.

pairing: angel reyes x black!reader | chapter rating: 💙

total # of parts in series: 10

join my gc for updates since tags are acting weird

I keep falling for boys and mistaking them for men

series sum: After several failed relationships, you decide that you’re over waiting for Mr. Right to come around and help start a family. In a drunken ramble, you ask your best friend if he’ll be your donor. You didn’t expect him to say yes. As you and Angel enter uncharted waters, you both realize neither of you fully thought the initial proposal through.

words: 1.8 K

What is it they say…hope breeds eternal misery.

Or, as Angel Reyes likes to say, “I don’t know why you’re wasting time on that asshole.”

Asshole is the nicest term you can dub your boyfriend--correction, your ex-boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

It’s strange how quickly two letters--a simple prefix--can change your life.

One minute, you’re joining your boyfriend and his family on a getaway to the beach. The next, you’re being kindly escorted out of a restaurant for tossing a drink in his face.

When you’d left Santo Padre Friday afternoon, you had a single thought in your mind. He’s finally going to propose. The nervous behavior, the talks about moving to a bigger apartment, him inviting you to a weekend getaway with his family.

How else would a rational person explain this behavior?

Well, according to Michael, all of those things do not add up to a proposal. They add up to “softening the blow."

As you sit on the curb waiting for your uber, with Michael's big splurge of the evening in hand--a bottle of Cabernet, you realize his explanation was complete bullshit. How is dragging you to Santa Monica for the weekend "softening the blow?" If he was going to break up with you, he could have done it in Santo Padre.

As you double-check the ETA on your uber, you remember.

Michael didn't drag you to Santa Monica to break up with you. He dragged you to Santa Monica to ask you to "take a break."

Apparently, there's a difference.

As Michael put it, with his birthday fast approaching, he'd had an epiphany. He needed time to "get out there" and "explore" his options.

"We're in our thirties," he'd explained. "We only have a few years left before we're expected to settle down, have kids. I think we should take this time to get everything out of our system, so by the time we come back together, we're ready to start that family you're always talking about."

The nervousness you'd seen the past two weeks? Had nothing to do with hiding a ring, or trying to find the perfect opportunity to pop the question. The nervousness was Michael trying to find the right time to ask you not to renew the lease of the apartment, you share, at the end of the month.

The talk about upgrading to a bigger apartment? Had nothing to do with having an extra room for the kid you've both talked about having. It was so that he could move in with his two best friends.

Michael’s epiphany left you in shock. You were caught between realizing the entire revelation wasn’t a complete joke and realizing you were expected to ride home with his family in the morning. The drink tossing didn’t come until Michael rubbed his hands together, a knowing smile sliding onto his face.

Taking your shocked silence as a lack of protest to his idea, Michael nodded over his shoulder. “You wanna head back up to the room...have some fun our last night together?”

The weight of Samantha--wait. No. Savanna...Sabrina? No, Salena.

The weight of Salena’s body presses Angel into the mattress. Her body is nearly directly on top of his, her face nuzzled into the warmth of his neck.

He’s not used to women sleeping over. Angel has one rule. He wants to sleep alone. Translation, be gone when he wakes in the morning.

That’s why, when he wakes to the sound of a slamming door, Angel is pissed.

His initial thought is that Salena let the door slam on her way out. The only problem is, Salena is still in bed with him--sleeping soundly. If she wasn’t, he would have been up able to react quicker. Because if it’s not Salena leaving, it means that someone is coming in.

“You need to go,” Angel mumbles as he manages to escape her grip.

Salena responds by rolling over and ignoring his request.

When he leaves his bedroom, Angel finds his entire house in darkness. His hand runs down his face as your voice fills the air.

"Ow--shit!" Your keys and purse fall to the floor as you bump into the coffee table.

"Y/N, what are you doing?"

“What are you doing?” You counter the slurring of your speech causing Angel’s head to shake. “...standing in the dark like a fucking creep.”

“Are you drunk?”

Your head shakes. Even if half-asleep, Angel knows you’re not drunk. You’re hammered, at least by your standards. He’s known you long enough to realize you’re a lightweight. A two and a half-hour ride with a bottle of Cabernet meant you were well past your limit.

“And why are you back early--did you drive here?”

“No,” you scoff. “I took an uber obviously--”

A second trip into the coffee table silences the rest of your response.

“Alright, come on--” Angel takes your hand in his, preventing you from falling forward.

“I don’t need your help.” Yanking your hand free of his grip--with more force than necessary--you stumble backward. Between the late hour and his body still attempting to shake off its grogginess, the action is too fast for Angel to predict. “Or any man’s help for that matter...fucking men--always thinking they need to save me--”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you--and fucking...fucking Michael--that piece of shit...” Despite your previous attempt to escape him, you turn on your heels causing Angel to bump into you. Instinctively, his hands find your waist. An innocent attempt to help maintain your balance. “--I said I don’t need help walking, Angel--”

“Clearly.” The smirk on his lips narrows your eyes.

The pathetic attempt of a shove you apply to his chest is enough to tip your already unsteady balance.

In his defense, Angel isn’t used to “rescuing” you from a drunk faceplant. Usually, the roles are reversed.

It may not be the smartest move, but it’s the quickest way to prevent another one of your escape attempts. Angel tightens his grip on your waist, pulling a small yelp from your lips as he lifts you off the ground throwing you over his shoulder.

The sudden shift in your posture blurs your vision--sending the room spinning. The rush of blood to your head causes your palm to come down hard in frustration against Angel’s back.

“Put me down…” Angel’s head shakes as your slurred speech trails off for a moment. Seizing the break in your resistance, he carries you across the darkened room towards the security of the sofa. “...what the hell are you doing in my house anyway?”

“This is my house.” Angel huffs as he lowers you onto the sofa. “If you get up, I’m not stopping you. I'm serious, I'll let you bust your ass this time.”

But moving from the sofa has already left your mind. Instead, your focus has drifted. Scanning the living room as Angel disappears. Despite his words, you're still not sure why you've ended up at his house and not yours.

“Here drink this,” Angel sighs as he returns. He hopes the glass of water will miraculously sober you up. Between failing to kick Salena out, and you showing up drunk at 3 in the morning, Angel is considering giving up women. At least for a few hours.

Angel’s steps come to a slow halt as he rounds the sofa to find you gone. Somehow, in the time it took him to fill a glass with water, you have slid down to the floor. Your back against the sofa, you’ve given up the impossible task of unfastening your heels. Instead, you’re tugging at them. Groans of frustration fill the air once the heels remain in place.

The shaky breaths and trembling of your fingers widen Angel’s eyes.

“Shit--are you crying?”

“I’m not crying.” The shaking of your head only seems to push the tears out faster. The blurring of your vision makes the task at hand impossible. “I’m not crying.”

“My bad, you’re not crying,” Angel repeats, hopeful it’ll make the crying stop. Handling a crying woman is not his strongest suit. In fact, he tries to avoid crying women at all costs. He focuses on the easier task of removing your heels. He offers you an encouraging smile once he’s done. “See, you’re all good.”

“No, I’m not.” Reaching forward, you grab the nearest heel, launching it as hard as you can. “Michael got me these.”

You manage to grab the second heel before Angel can. You launch it in the same direction as the first.

“I’ve always hated those ugly fucking shoes.”

The second heel doesn’t land in the middle of the floor like its predecessor. Instead, it flies straight into Salena’s arm as she rounds the corner.

“Ow--what the fuck? Angel!”

The overhead light cuts on, temporarily blinding both you and Angel. When you open your eyes, you find a half-dressed Salena standing over you. Your discarded heel in her left hand, her narrowed eyes focused on you.

"So, this is why you wanted me to leave? Your girlfriend is home?"

"Neither of us is his girlfriend, sweetheart." you correct.

“I’m not sleeping in your bed ever again,” you clarify, your voice muffled against your palms. “Not until you wash your sheets.”

In the time it took to get Salena out of the house you’ve found that your body has begun to crash. The idea of laying down the only thought of your mind. That’s why the moment he’s settled alongside you on the floor, Angel’s shoulder becomes your pillow.

“Please don’t say I told you so.”

Passing up the opportunity to be right, is not in Angel’s nature. But one look at you, he’s biting his tongue.

“I never liked him.”

“You've never liked anyone I’ve dated,” you laugh quietly.

“That’s because you only date assholes.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“Exactly.”

Angel's arm drapes around you, the gentle squeeze he gives bringing a weak smile to your lips.

“That’s it,” you sigh. “I’m done dating. Forever.”

“Dating is overrated,” Angel notes.

It’s a phrase Angel has told you nearly a million times over the years. Typically, after you’ve watched him ensnare yet another naive woman with his smile. You typically roll your eyes at Angel's mantra, but right now, you don’t even bother.

“I’m serious, if you see me even blinking at the same guy twice grab me.”

“Yeah, okay,” Angel chuckles.

He knows there's no point in taking the promise any further. If Angel is a cynic when it comes to dating, you’re the poster child for hopeless romantics.

When you fall in love, you fall hard. When you get heartbroken, the fallout hits the hardest.

“I can’t wait until my forties to have a kid.”

“What?”

“I’ll be in my sixties when they graduate high school--my sixties!”

“That’s what this is about?”

“...he doesn’t want kids...at least not right now...he wants time to explore other options before being shackled to me forever.”

“I’m going to kick his fucking ass.”

“When you do, can I watch?”

“Fuck that, you’re getting in a few hits.”

“I can’t believe I wasted three years on him, thinking he was going to help me start a family,” you groan. “When I could’ve just asked you.”

Angel laughs, his smile growing as you giggle.

“I’m serious. Definitely would’ve happened faster.”

“If you want to have sex with me, there are much easier ways--”

“Shut up, it is not about sex,” you assure him as your eyes drift shut. “I actually pride myself in being one of the few women in this town you haven’t slept with. Being immune to your charm is a superpower.”

“You still ended up here tonight,” Angel grins.

You softly smile.

“That’s because you’re my best friend, and you always give the best hugs when I feel like shit.”

series taglist: @youlovetkay @mochachocolatteyaya @chaneajoyyy @sesamepancakes

angel + all mayans tags: @turn-thy-paige @finalgirlhales @jadesid @poetically-0riginal @diaryofkali @babaohhhriley @katastrophic04 @partypoison00 @rose-bliss @mayansxlover @joannasteez @headrushxreeta @brwnlikefoxy @nemesis729 @destiny-tsukino @inyourbackpocketisbutterflies @straightestgay-voice

all stories: @rosieposie0624 @amberritonicole @agoldin @est1887@toni9 @chaneajoyyy @relaxing-najee @awkwardtayler @siempremamita @seize-the-droid @glimmerglittergirl @cutiebubbleboo @pearlkitten33 @tian-monique @megapeacelovemusic-blog @sincerelykas @brattyfics @ladyofsoa@browneyes912 @beiroviski @sadeyesgf @mrsmarvelous1995 @everyhowlmarksthedead @ourlittlesecretsoveragain @demonquartz @appropriate-writers-name @ughdontbeboring @cocotheclown @thesandbeneathmytoes @queenbeered @starrynite7114 @wiccanmetallicrose @tomhardydallasstarsgirl

[jojotichakorn]

song rec anon will forever be my bad buddy alter ego (i had to put it in my description sorry not sorry), but you may use my url as my tag 💛

i survived this friday, but i'm already dreading two fridays coming up. not sure when i'll get to watch on dec 24th (since we celebrate on christmas eve here) and on dec 31st (because i'll be away), maybe i'll go to the bathroom for an hour or four x 15 minutes /hj

i can't get over this episode. the rewatch value it has. i'll legit be rewatching it every day until the next episode. might be because i was very tired when i first watched it, and i'm not sure if i can put my finger on what exactly, but something was off with the episode at first. it felt different from the last few episodes to me (maybe the pacing) and a little rushed. all in all i love the episode tough. esp after having seen it again. it included everything i love. so light. the comedy elements made me giggle. and just a pinch of angst (that'll hopefully be addressed later)

ok first of all, i was literally so happy to see it in your description, so there is nothing to apologize for!! and as we are revealing your identity, i implore everyone to go follow @friendunfriend for some great tags and amazing content in general <3

i understand you completely because episode 10 comes out on 31st, and that's new years which is what we celebrate here where im from, and i'll be needed to cook food and do lots of other stuff that day, and i will also not be home for a week after, so i will do my best to stay present and active, but i will probably not be here nearly as much as i usually am 😰😰😰 and in general, i won't be able to live and breathe bad buddy as much during that week. which,,, awful.

and ah yes, the episode!! it was truly perfect to me, i would not change a thing, i love it. but i think perhaps the time jump that shifted the mood a little bit made things seem kind of off to you? that's the best i can come up with.

[shiberpostshere]

The Kiss Thief - Park Seonghwa Social Media AU

10. Chapter Six: It's okay buddy, get used to it✨

(Images below Text)

Previous Part✨ Next Part✨

Masterlist of the AU✨

Date: 07.09.19 ✨

You and your friends have been frequenting Cafe Utopia these days due to the fact that San works there part time and Wooyoung dropps by often as his dance studio falls nearby. You might end up becoming a regular since the Dazzling Night crew uses the place as a daily meeting spot if not working in the recording studio.

The interior of the cafe is as the name suggests, magical and mesmerising. The entire furniture is ebony and golden bulbs hang low from the ceiling, the lighting being ten out of ten.

San had left with Yeri fifteen minutes ago after his shift ended to hang out at the apartment with Wooyoung and Yunho, who together went to the dance club and were also flat-mates.

You might as well just make a friendship chart to trace back all your recent friendships somehow to Seonghwa.

The first ever meeting is to be held today at 5PM. Jongho and you arrived an hour earlier to calm down with caffeine and to pretend to do college work while you just conversed about random topics leading nowhere. He slurped his iced americano as you sipped your black coffee.

“So, you're all cool now? Hundred percent?” He murmurs under his breath while scanning the script given by Yeosang.

The topic of embarrassment hadn’t surfaced back onto your consciousness after texting Seonghwa as you had distracted yourself by binge watching Brooklyn 99 with Yeri for half of the night. Classes occupied your mind in the morning and you only thought about Seonghwa's text with full concentration for fifteen minutes while waiting for your orders at the cafe.

At the end, you decided to just deal with it.

You chug down the remaining beverage. “Yeah. I've decided to face Song Mingi and Park Seonghwa with the power of caffeine and god by my side.” The empty mug feels irritating.

San had warned you before leaving not to get another refill, presumably what might have been your seventh cup of the day.

“You literally groaned like a dinosaur after receiving his text.” He gives you a long face.

“Of course I would! He called me cute, he’s obviously making fun of me.” You pack your study material and open your laptop for the meeting.

He considers a thought for a moment. “Maybe he’s just clueless.”

“He’s actually that clueless.” The sudden comment from Yeosang makes you and your friend jump as he settles down at the table.

Mingi takes a seat beside him along with Hongjoong. "I can vouch for that, you know I've known him since high school."

You and Jongho look around for a moment before taking in the group's sudden arrival.

Seonghwa occupies the remaining seat, beside you and your friend. "I'm literally right here, guys. Hi (Y/N), hey Jongho."

"And?" Mingi says as he unpacks his laptop along with his friends, except Hongjoong.  

You shake your head, crossing your arms below your chest. "You guys are sure acting all cool about the group chat."

Hongjoong is the only one with a notepad in front of him and he replies while studying some scribbles. "We're pretending to be cool about it."

"You seem quite unphased too." Yeosang states with a brow raised.

Jongho answers in your stead. "She's buzzing with caffeine, nothing can affect her."

You nod proudly in agreement and point at your now empty mug. "Yeah, I had six cups of courage coffee."

Seonghwa begins to type on his laptop. "That's disturbingly unhealthy."

"Okay, Grandpa, sure."

"That's no way to address your college senior." He attempts to deliver the statement with a serious voice but you catch the corner of his lips lifting up.

Mingi leans forward gleefully, placing his chin in his palms. "Oh my god, look at you two, flirting like the old times." His eyelashes blink at you devilishly.

You hold up a palm at him like the traffic police, "Okay, Song Mingi, sure." At which he feigns a shocked expression.

Even Seonghwa appears surprised by your response.

Jongho pats on your back, you chuckle. "You go, (Y/N)!"

Hongjoong clears his throat and garners everyone’s attention, “Enough bickering. Meeting time.”

Everyone naturally falls silent at his words.

Seonghwa rubs his palms together. “Okay, alright. (Y/N) and Jongho, welcome to the Dazzling Night team. I will just go through some details, if you wish to, you can note them down.”

Seonghwa begins explaining the agenda and workings of the radio show to you and Jongho. Meanwhile, the others discuss something of their own. You decide to note down the important details.

You learn that Dazzling Night airs from Monday to Friday, every night at 10 PM. Jongho will be joining Yeosang as an announcer. Hongjoong is mostly absent due to other commitments and Seonghwa monitors the process under the guidance of Professor Lee.

You pause for a moment, looking back and forth at the two involved in the conversation. “Hold up, if Hongjoong isn’t involved every night then who will I be working under?”

Seonghwa ponders for a moment on how to answer your question, whilst Jongho avoids your gaze.

A finger taps on your shoulder. “Hi.” Mingi grins at you widely.

Your eyes widen. “You’re the audio engineer?” He nods with the grin ever present.

Hongjoong gently taps Mingi’s cheeks with his pen. “You will be but he attends the dance club in the evening so I will be guiding you through it, don’t worry.”

You fall back into your chair, feeling deflated like a balloon. “Great, that’s great.”

“Who will I be working with?” Jongho questions.

“We’ll be meeting together everyday to go through the script, rehearse and make changes.” Yeosang answers his question.

"And, we'll have follow up group meetings to join those fragments of work together." The mullet guy concludes.

Curious, you turn towards Seonghwa. “What about you?”

He too, offers you his full attention. “What about me?”

“What about him?” Mingi’s voice interjects. “Are you asking what’s his deal? He’s single.”

“I am” The male besides you answers and your jaw drops with shock altogether.

“Why would you answer his question! That’s not what I was asking! I was asking what role do you play!”

You hear Jongho snicker and shove an elbow to silence him.

“Oh.” He bites his tongue in between his teeth. “I am the team leader, I observe and finalize things.” His expression truly appears clueless or he’s extremely good at faking it.

“Um, anyway. Seonghwa will also be monitoring you for the following week. I can’t stay back so he’ll be correcting you in my stead.” The composer’s words cause you to fall back more and more, hoping the chair would come alive and suffocate you to death.

“You’re not entirely unphased.” Mingi eyebrows dance up and down.

Yeosang closes his laptop, concerned. “Seonghwa tends to be like that. Why did you like him back then?”

Mingi attempts to hold back his laughter at the question.

Yep, chair, c’mon, kill me.

Seonghwa slams his palms on the table with a gentle thud. “I am right here, I am literally right here!”

Unable to fathom what's going to happen anymore, you place a hand gently on his shoulder. “It’s okay buddy, it’s okay. Get used to it. It’s the only way.”

Seonghwa glances at your hand, trying to hold back his smile at your gesture.

✨

✨

Pairing: College Student! Seonghwa x College Student! Female Reader

Genre: Fluff, A teeny tiny bit of smut with a pinch of angst

Synopsis: High school crushes are often silly and forgotten. However, you cannot forget the one senior, you "borrowed" once a kiss from. Years have passed and it's a memory you laugh at but what will happen if you're to encounter the same senior in a much different setting and situation? Especially during your first year of college.

A/N: What is Seonghwa doing? 🤔 (Tumblr didn't save my draft so I had to make the post twice 🙃) Also, this needs serious editing which I'll be doing tomorrow.

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist 💫

🌸Tags:

@enigmaticsal @missiopk @stardusthyuck @preets-kpop-world @rae-wo0 @sanisms @minjiyeonnie @retrofuture-ism @hongjoongsnoona

Unable to tag: @mingiibabieee

🌸

Please do not repost, modify or claim these images.

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Fresh start part 9

Loved writing this part. It is long, but worth it.

Warning: This does talk about reader being kid napped. 

It had been a few weeks since that night out after the win. Everything just seemed to have fallen into place. You both knew the demands of your jobs but you still made it work, you both knew soon you would have to tell Liv, it was getting harder and harder to hide it. If he was still at the office when you finished, you would swing by with dinner, or he would come past your place on his way home for a cuddle. On weekends he took you out on the most romantic dates. Granted most of those times lead to heavily making out and extremely heavy petting, but you guys were taking things slow, enjoying each other. You both felt so deeply about each other you wanted to make it work.

****

You had just finished an afternoon shift with Nick on Friday. You were slowly getting used to afternoon and night shifts at SVU. He was going to Amanda's and you were headed to Rafael's for the weekend, secretly hoping this was the weekend you guys would take everything to the next level, you would have too soon, things were getting too intense and it was getting hard for you both to stop when it got to that point.

8.05 pm-You: Just finished my Rafi! On my way to get a taxi! Can't wait to see you xx

8.09 pm- Rafael: OK mi Hermosa, see you soon! Promise this weekend won't disappoint xx

You stood outside the priciest for a few minutes waiting for a taxi to drive past. But it wasn’t unusual that there were no taxis this time of night on a Friday. You started to walk up to the next block which met a cross street hoping for better luck. “Not many people around” you thought to yourself as you walked. Your mind was filled with happy thoughts, about what the weekend may hold and butterflies flying around your tummy just thinking about it. Rafael treated you so well, sometimes you wondered if you really deserved him after all. You had seen a completely different side to him, a side you were falling in love with, and a side that was just for you.

You had just about walked past the ally and about to step up on the side walk, when you felt an arm grab you around your middle from the back, pinning your arms to your side and before you could scream, cold metal to your temple.

"A pretty little Detective like you shouldn't be walking around by herself this time of night. Didn't Benson teach her squad better?" You were frozen in place not knowing what to do. 

"Sweetheart, you’re going to come with me now on a little adventure, and if you scream I'm going to put a bullet in that pretty little head of yours".

 Tears starting rolling down your face. The man, who you hadn't seen his face yet, pushed you towards a car parked down a bit in the ally, still holding the gun to your head. He opened the back door and threw you in on the back seat. It was so dark you couldn't see his face; he got rope and tied your hands to the door so you were forced to lay down across the seat. He grabbed your bag, opened it, pulled out your phone, threw it on the ground smashing it and then stomped it with the heel of his foot. He then pulled out your wallet, pulled out the cash and handy card and then threw the empty wallet and your bag with your badge in it to the side. He got in the driver's side and started to drive.

Finally through the tears and the street lights, you managed to get a look at the guys face in the review mirror. You almost passed out in shock....William Lewis...... how was he out of jail? What was he doing with you?

You didn't know much about what happened between him and Liv. Only what you had seen and read, it was before your time at SVU and never came up in conversation, so you never asked.

“Don’t worry yourself Detective, as long as Benson does what she is told, you'll be fine, and you’ll get to see that ADA boyfriend of yours again."

----

Rafael was so excited for the weekend he had planned. A Romantic dinner and theatre show tomorrow night, breakfasts in bed, and hopefully something more. He was finding it hard to control himself, and he knew you were too, but he didn’t want to ruin it. He was enjoying himself with you and was starting to fall hard for you, but it was too soon to say anything like that just yet. You understood him; you liked him the way he was. You knew his fears about relationships after everything that had happened to him in the past, always being pushed aside for someone else or just there for a root and boot. He knew and understood your fears as well, your last relationship really took a lot out of you. You were different and he knew that. He was worried about the age difference, you weren't. He was worried you might meet someone younger and leave him. But you reassured him in ways he had never been before. He just wanted to be with you whenever he could. He looked at his phone, 9 pm and you still weren't there. Even on busy nights, it never took this long to get to his place.

9.01-Rafael: Where are you Hermosa?

10 minutes later, still no reply. That's odd he thought, but he let it go for 10 more minutes, maybe there was traffic or your phone battery had died. He picked up his phone and called, straight to voice mail. This was strange; he had never heard your voice mail before, you always answered.

 9.30 with another text sent and couple more calls, still nothing, straight to voice mail. He looked through his phone, he didn't want to call Liv, she didn't know about you guys yet and he didn't want to put his foot in it just in case your phone battery had died. He kept looking through his contacts and came to Nick’s. He didn’t get along with your partner at all, not since the Alex case, but he needed to know you were safe and he knew Nick did care about you. You guys had this weird bond. He dialled the number, it rang out and went to voice mail so he called again, after 4 rings Nick answered;

"Barba, it's Friday night, I'm off duty"

"Have you heard from Y/N? She messaged me saying she was on her way, she still isn't here, I have messaged and called her, just goes to voice mail."

“She left when I did, maybe her phone has died, relax Barba" and he hung up.

10.....10.10......10.20.....10.30.......10.40

Call after call, message after message, you still weren't there and still going to voice mail! He went into his contacts and called Liv

"Barba, everything ok?"

"Uh....Y/N was meant to be here around 8.30, she still isn't, she isn't answering messages and it's going to voice mail. Something has happened, I'm worried."

"Oh, OK! Let me try and I'll call you back."

Liv hung up and tried to call you, straight to voice mail. This wasn't like you, even on weekends and early hours of the morning you answered your phone, this was the first time she even heard your voice mail.

Liv called Barba back,

 " Meet me at the predict."

Liv called Fin on the way and filled him in and asked him to come in.

Rafael rushed down into the bullpen straight into Liv's office. Fin was on the phone to TARU, who was tracing your phone. Liv walked in behind him and put her hand on his shoulder;

 "It’s going to be OK" he huffed back at her frowning.

Fin got off the phone, "Her cell phone last pinged from the ally at the end of the block, let's check it out."

The 3 of them walked out of the building down to the ally, Fin and Liv had a police torch each, they knew how dark that ally was at night. They turned them on as they rounded the corner into it.

"Oh No" said Liv, she looked down and seen your smashed phone, Rafael almost threw up. “Over here" yelled Fin, there was your bag, badge and empty wallet. Rafael walked over to a wall and lent on it so he had support in case he fainted. Next minute Liv's phone was ringing via video from an Unknown number. Fin put the torch up to her face for light and she answered,

"Hello Olivia, I've missed you!" It was Lewis, "I ‘am disappointed in you Olivia, don't you teach your new pretty detectives night street skills?" He flipped the camera around to you in the back seat with your hands bound to the door, and your mouth ducked tapped. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying. Fin caught Liv as she lost her balance like she had all the air knocked out of her; tears came to Rafael’s eyes.

"Do as I say Olivia, or she will enjoy me as much as you did." And he hung up.

Fin grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialled Amanda, “You and Nick need to get the station now, Lewis has Y/N".

-----

Nick and Amanda ran into the station, into Liv’s office,

"What do you mean Lewis has Y/N? He's been locked up." Said Nick

"He escaped." Said Liv, "he tricked everyone and got away. He grabbed Y/N as she walked down the block to get a taxi, we have the footage. He held a gun to her head. We found her phone smashed; he took her money and handy card with them, and left the empty wallet, her badge and bag in the ally. We have a trace on the card, but no hits yet. He called while we were in the ally, he has her tied up to the car door and mouth ducked tapped, he used a burner cell that can’t be traced and we are still trying to work out what car he is driving"

Rafael was sitting on Liv's couch with his head in his hands trying to hold it together as much as he could, Nick started to walk towards him.

“I’m sorry Barba, I should have taken you more seriously", Rafael raised his hand to stop Nick from talking,  

“You have the be the worst person to be partnered with in the whole of the NYPD! WHY DIDN'T YOU DRIVE HER TO ME? Instead of letting her catch a cab" he yelled, Nick walked out before he lost his cool.

Liv followed him out, Amanda was close behind,                                             “You two need to get to the prison now and find out how the hell this happened." Nick and Amanda both walked out headed to where Lewis escaped from.

Liv walked back into her office to Fin and Rafael, her phone buzzed with a new message from an Unknown number. It was a video, Liv gasped, Fin and Rafael rushed up to her side. It was a video of you, you looked like a mess;

 “Liv, William wants me to tell you; you know what you have to do, tell the truth" You said through tears. “William said you have 48 hrs" you sobbed. “Tell....tell Rafael, I love him." 

And the video ended! Fin and Liv both looked at Rafael with their mouths opened and they seen he had tears rushing down his face. 

****

The next 48 hours was a blur, Lewis moved you around so much and kept giving you vodka, you didn't even know where you were. Liv had made a live confession that what she said during the trail was false and she was sorry for what she did to Lewis. Liv finally had enough when Lewis sent her a photo of you being hung up on a metal frame by your hands at what looked like a quarry.

She didn’t have to the heart to show Barba, he was already a mess as it was, but she knew you were still alive, which was the main thing for now. Liv had a soft spot for you, you reminded her of her young self. She was so glad she had you on the team, and you knew how to keep Nick in line and how to handle Barba at the best of times. She couldn’t bear to see what happened to her, happen to you now you and Barba were a thing. What happened to her, cost her, her relationship. She was older and married to the job, you were young with your whole career ahead of you and had a man that she knew adored you by the way he reacted to the video. She couldn’t let this affect your future like it had hers.  She did what he wanted and came to him when he told her too.

 He brought her into the room where you were tied up, Liv rushed over to you and put her hands on your cheeks and kissed your forehead. 

“It’s going to be ok Y/N, I’m here now Sweetie”, before he pushed her away from you and tired her to the table in the corner of the room.

 Nick, Amanda and Fin knew something was wrong when Liv didn't turn up the next day and she wasn’t answering her phone. They traced her phone and the GPS last pinged at the quarry.

What felt like forever was finally over, you remember Liv and Lewis fighting, and click sounds back and forth, you had been forced fed vodka and you were that dehydrated everything was blurry like a dream. Your eyes shut most of the time, falling in and out of sleep and your whole body ached from being tied this way for far too long. You remember hearing a gunshot, yelling and then Nick’s voice telling you everything was OK and that he was here now. He held up your body while Fin untied your arms and you blacked out as soon as you hit his shoulder.

****

"I have heard a lot about you two! Haven't done a very good job of looking after her have you. You should both be ashamed of yourselves." You slowly opened your eyes, the room was dim, and you let your eyes adjust.

 Your Mum was standing next to you holding your hand; which had a cannula in it, Nick was standing at the end of the bed with his head down and Rafael on your other side looking at the floor next to him. None of them saw you waking up.

"Don’t be like that Mum, they may not be perfect in your eyes but they are in mine." You said with a little smile.

"Oh sweetheart" your mum lent down and kissed you on the forehead.

"My Raf" you looked over at him with tears in your eyes, he put his forehead to yours, and you felt his warm tear drops land on your chest on top of your hospital gown neck. He stepped away and brushed your cheek with the back of his hand with a small smile.

You let go of your mum's hand and reached out for Nick, he walked around, grabbed it and kissed your knuckles. You looked at him, 

"Next night shift we do, you need to drive me where ever I need to go when we clock off, even if it’s to Brooklyn." You said with a giggle.

 “I’m so sorry, I completely understand if you want a new partner". You squeezed his hand, 

“Don’t be silly partner. I need you now more than ever" he gave you a small smile back.

“I’ll go and call Liv, tell her you’re awake." He kissed you on the top of your head and turned to your mum, 

“How about I take you to a late lunch, I'll drop you back at Y/N apartment so you can shower and rest?" 

Your Mum looked at you, “Go mum, I'll be fine, Raf is here."

Your Mum walked over and kissed you on your cheek. "I’ll be back later, you look after her".  Looking at Rafael, and she walked out with Nick.

You adjusted yourself to sit up in your bed. Rafael helped. You needed water; your mouth was so dry and felt like sand paper. You patted your hand on the bed so he could sit down across from you, and he took both your hands in his, careful of your hand with the cannula in it. You had a lump in your throat, but you swallowed it down, tears came to of your eyes,

 "I thought I would never see you again Rafael. I meant what I said in the video, I love you Raf, so much! I know it's too soon and I understand if you don't feel the same...."

He didn't give you a chance to finish, his lips were on yours. This was the sweetest most loving kiss he had ever given you; he pulled away and put his forehead to yours.

"I love you with my whole heart mi Hermosa."

 You looked up at him, “He didn’t do anything to me Raf, and it was more emotional stuff really. He knew about us and he used that against me, but I can’t work out how he would have known. I don’t think I’ll be able to ever drink or smell vodka again” you crinkled up your nose just thinking about it.

 He looked at you with his jaw clenched.

“He’s gone now mi amor. He can’t hurt anyone anymore. You will never see him again, and I promise to keep you safe as long as I live.”

Rafael filled in the blanks, you didn’t remember much after you took the video; He didn’t do anything to you, other than making you drink vodka for nearly 3 days and emotionally torment you. While he was talking to you, a nurse came in and put a new bag of fluids, which started to make you feel better. You asked if you could use his phone to call your mum so she could pack a bag for you so he could go and pick it up and bring it back to you. You were lying on your left side in bed, and he was sitting right next to you on a chair, holding one of your hands, and his other hand running it through your hair.

 “I have never been as frightened as I have been the last few days. I was with Liv when the video call came through the first time, you looked so scared and I couldn’t do anything, and then when she got the video I was there as well.” He paused “When I seen Nick’s call this morning, I nearly didn’t answer because I’m so mad at him that he let this happen to you, but something made me pick up and he me told that they had found you and Liv, Lewis was dead and you were both on your way to Belleview and to meet them here.”

 “Raf, it’s no one’s fault. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time; it could have easily been someone else. You need to not be so hard on Nick, he tries his best. He has trouble keeping up with me” you giggled

 You both didn’t even hear the door open, “Hey Guys. Sorry to intrude.”

 You both looked up to see Liv standing there with a big bunch of flowers and a medium size paper bag. She sat them both on the small table and started to walk towards Rafael. He gave her a big hug and then lent back down and gave you a kiss on your forehead.

 “I ‘am going to go home and shower. I’ll pick up your stuff on the way back. I won’t be long.” And he walked out the door, after giving Liv’s arm a squeeze and a smile.

 Liv sat on the chair he was on and grabbed your hand. She looked better then you remember seeing her. She had showered and had different cloths on. She had bags under eyes. You guessed that no one would have had much sleep the last few days.

 “How are you feeling?”

 “This is my second bag of fluids, I feel good now, are you OK?” you squeezed her hand and she nodded back.

 “I ‘am sorry you got pulled into this. I shouldn’t of have left it that long to come and get you. He didn’t......he didn’t do anything to you did he?”

 “Liv, don’t be sorry, you came that’s the main thing. No, he didn’t. Other than making me drink vodka nonstop and emotionally hurting me, he somehow knew about me and Rafael and he used it against me. I ‘am sorry about the video. I didn’t want to do it, but he told me if I didn’t he was going to shoot me, I don’t remember much after that.”

She stood up and pulled you into her arms and then kissed your forehead and sat down.

“At least I hold the record for the most eventful start at SVU.” You both laughed and wiped away tears.

 “The next couple of weeks are going to be busy and hard. We have both been called to make statements to IAB and 1PP. But know, I’ll be beside you every step of the way, and if this goes to trail, you will have all the support you need.” You nodded and gave her a small smile.

“So.... You and Barba hey.” You went red.

“I ‘am sorry I didn’t tell you Liv. We were going too but.....” she held up her hand to stop you from talking

“I’ am happy for you both. As long as it doesn’t interfere with work it’s all good with me.” She looked in your eyes and you and smiled. “I think you are good balance for him. You make him human, not just an ADA for sex crimes......OH” she stood up and grabbed the paper bag off the table and handed it to you.

“What’s this?” you said,

“Open it.” You opened the top of the paper bag and pulled out a new phone in a box, your badge and new wallet.

Tears came to your eyes, “Liv you didn’t.”

“It’s the least I can do, the sim card is tapped to the box, it’s the same number as your old one, you just have to set it up.” 

“Thank you so much Liv.” You reached your arms out to hug her; she lent down and hugged you back.

 Next minute, in walked Amanda, Fin and Nick.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Nick smart mouthed, Fin and Amanda laughed, then rush other and hugged you.

“We brought your favourite sandwich and an iced latte. We called before and asked the Doctor If you can eat now.”

You all sat in your room and laughing and mucking around. Everything that happened of the last couple of days faded away for a little while. You knew the next couple of weeks would be hard, knowing you had to go to IAB and 1PP, and then most likely go to trial, but you could do it. You had the best support system money could buy.

[ms-rampage]

Eden's Gate: Left Behind Chapter 2 - Secret Admirer

Warnings: None

Word count: 1.5k

Once again John Seed is slightly out of character (because Winchester 😂😂). Locations I added in for this series that don't exist in game because #HeacanonShit.

*****************************

Kate’s been living in Hope County for a week already, and she starts her first day at the University that same morning, taking 8 classes, and working 4-7 hours shifts at the cafè & diner on the weekends and her days off from class. Her class schedule is.

Introduction to Therapeutic Skills

Monday & Tuesdays: 8:30am-11:00am

Human Sexuality 

Monday & Tuesdays: 12:15pm-3:00pm

Drugs & Behavior

Mondays & Tuesday: 3:30pm-5:45pm

Abnormal Psychology 

Wednesdays: 7:15am-10:15

General Psychology 

Wednesdays: 10:45am-1:30pm

Social Psychology 

Wednesdays: 2:00pm-3:55pm

Adolescence 

Thursdays: 8:30am-11:30am

Personality 

Thursdays: 12:30pm-2:15pm

She wakes up at 6:30am, slamming her hand down on her phone trying to shut off the alarm. She forces herself to sit up, rubbing her face aggressively. 

After a few minutes she gets up and takes a quick shower. 

She gets dressed, grooms and eats something. 

She looks at her phone for the time it's 7:21am. 

She feeds Haley, she grabs all her books, and other class supplies, puts them in her backpack. Still has over an hour until her first class starts. 

Looking at her work schedule, she starts her job at the cafè on Thursday from 4pm until 10pm.

Thursdays: 4:00pm-10:00pm

Fridays: 8:00am-5:00pm

Saturdays: 8:00am-5:00pm

Sundays: 9:00am-5:00pm

She goes over her class material, looking through her syllabus, modules and everything else. She checks the time, 7:32am. 

"I gotta get going" she says to herself. 

"Bye Hale I'll be back later" she says petting her dogs head. 

She goes outside to her car, locks the front door, and drives off to the University.

*******************************************************

Meanwhile at the Seed ranch, John is working on his computer, paperwork, lawyer shit, and sending out threatening messages to property owners to take over their properties to expand the Project. 

His mind keeps throwing him off his work. Kate keeps coming to mind, he kept thinking about her non stop even when he was asleep. 

She kept interfering with his thoughts, he didn't even know her name. 

Only that she drives a black 1970 Chevy Monte Carlo, he leans back in his chair, and closes his eyes. He sees her face, how she walks, how her brown eyes reflect off the sun. 

He gets up from his chair and looks out a window. 

"What's going on?' he asks himself, that feeling in his stomach comes back, he tries to ignore it but it won't go away. 

It takes him a moment to realize that he's fallen in love with her. 

How can he fall in love with someone he doesn't even know?!. 

He doesn't know her name, where she lives, what she does for a living. 

Is she a sinner? a nonbeliever? 

Should I have her confess and atone so she can be near me!? So she can be underneath me!?. All these thoughts come flying into his mind. 

He takes Joseph’s advice, he should go to her. 

He goes back onto his computer, and accesses personal information about the residents of Hope County.

He goes onto some illegal public records website. 

Types in “Hope County, Montana residents” and a bunch of names pop up. 

Scrolling through the names. He figures, she's new, because he’s never seen her before. 

He narrows it down to recent residents of Hope County, he finds Kate but it only gives him her first initial, middle initial and last name.

"K.E. Winchester?'' he mutters to himself. 

Taps the keys on his keyboard, and shows an image of her house 

"That house looks familiar" he tells himself. 

Zooming in on the photo to see the cross streets 

"Melrose and Kelley?" he asks himself. 

A few hours go by. He was able to get her full address. 

He wasn't able to get her first name. 

All he knows is that it begins with the letter K, her middle name starts with an E, and her last name is Winchester. 

************************************************

Kate is sitting in her first class 

Introduction to Therapeutic Skills, listening to the professor go over their syllabus and the lecture. 

She still has 2 more classes to go to that day. 

*A few hours later* 

Her class finishes, she walks out the building, and looks at her clock on her phone, she has a whole hour and 15 minutes until her next class begins. 

So she goes back home and checks in on Haley. 

As she’s walking to her car, her friends Alissa and Sarah call out for her.

“Kate!!!!” they call out. She turns to them. 

“Hey!!” she responds.

“What are you doing on Friday?!” Sarah asks.

She looks around, humming incoherently.

“Nothing. Why?!” she replies.

“We’re gonna all hang out Friday night at the Whitetails” Alissa says.

“Sounds fun. Who else is gonna be there?!” Kate asks.

“Me, Alissa, Morgan, Ryan, Dylan, Kevin, Becky and a few others” Sarah answers. 

Kate shrugs, and says “Yeah sure, I’ll be there. Just text me where its gonna be, and I’ll be there”

“Awesome, see you later. Bye” Alissa says, and they all go their separate ways. 

Kate goes into her car, and drives back to her house. 

*10 minutes later*

She pulls into the driveway and goes inside her house. 

Leaving her backpack and books in the car. 

When she opens the front door Haley jumps at her in excitement. 

"Hey girl, I'm gonna be leaving again in 45 minutes. I'll give you more food before I leave" she tells her, petting her head. 

Dropping herself on one of the chairs, turning on the TV. 

**************************************************

At the Seed Ranch, a desperate John looks up potential names for his mystery crush. 

Klaire Winchester?. No records. 

Kara Winchester?. Nope.

Kali Winchester?. Nope. 

Kimberly Winchester? Nothing. 

Kandace Winchester? Nothing. 

Kristen Winchester?. Still nothing 

Tapping the keys of his keyboard on his computer. 

None of those names come up in any records. 

He groans, leaning back in his chair. 

Groaning somewhat frustrated. 

He can't seem to figure out her name. 

It's probably something simple, and he can't think of it. 

He has her home address. He can probably send flowers, or something to her house. 

That’s what he does, take notes fellas. 

He puts in an order of roses to be sent to her house that same day, and as a bonus he puts in a card with a short but to the point message. 

Time passes by relatively fast. 

Kate looks at her phone's clock 11:55am. 

"Shit I gotta get going!!" she says, shooting up from her seat. 

As she's about to open the door. 

Haley lets out a loud bark to get her attention, 

"What?" she asks her. 

She lets out another loud bark. 

"Oh that's right, I have to feed you". 

She goes into the kitchen and pours some food into her bowl. 

"Okay I'll be home later" she says, petting her head. 

She goes into her car and drives back to the school. 

Driving the 10 minutes back to school, going to her next lecture which is in the same building as her first class that morning. 

*An hour later*

Kate is in her Human Sexuality class sitting at her desk taking notes while the professor goes over the lecture and class work. 

Several hours later at 5:45pm, Kate leaves her final class for the day, and walks back to her car. Throwing her stuff in, starts up the car, and drives off. 

She decides to go into town and buy some stuff for dinner. 

Parking her car in the same spot as before next to that gas station. 

She walks to the same grocery store that's near the church. 

John, who is at the church, sees her walking in the distance. 

His heart literally skips a beat.

He steps outside, taking a drag of his cigarette. 

"A student?" he says to himself. 

Admiring her beauty as she walks by 

"Kaitlyn? Kourtney? Karen? Katherine? Kara? Kathleen? Khlöe?" he whispers to himself. 

Trying to guess her name. 

"Math? Science? History? Law?" he continues to whisper to himself. 

She looks back coincidentally, looking in his direction.

Giving him a little smile. 

He smiles back while taking another drag of his cigarette. 

She walks into the store, grabs a shopping basket, browsing the aisles, and grabs stuff for dinner. 

John stands outside the church waiting, and hoping she walks by like she did the other day. Maybe he can say more than "Nice car" to her. 

Kate pays for her stuff and goes outside. 

John sees her walk out the store. and prepares to say at least more than 2 words to her. 

But unfortunately God wanted him to be patient. 

She doesn't walk by the church.

Walking on her side of the street. 

"Damn it" John mutters to himself, disappointed he really wanted to get to know her. 

Hopefully the flowers he sent made it to her house. 

He leaves the church, goes to his car, driving to her house. 

Hoping he beats her to her house so he can see her reaction to the flowers. 

5 minutes of driving, he makes it to her house. 

She hasn't made it home yet, the flowers are sitting on the front porch. 

He parks his car across the street while trying to remain hidden. 

A few minutes later he sees her car from up the street. 

Kate pulls into her driveway, and sees something at her front door when she gets out of her car, she sees that it's a vase with 2 dozen white and red roses. 

Surprised, and completely caught off guard by the unexpecting gift. 

She picks it up, and sees a card on it. 

"You're beautiful ❤" a smile on her face, and she goes inside her house. 

A smile grows on his face just by seeing her smile.

******************************************

Later that night, John is doing lawyer stuff and gets an unexpected visit from Joseph.

“John!” he says, walking into the ranch. 

He turns around, and sees his older brother.

“Yes, Joseph?” he says.

“That girl?. Did you do what I told you to do?’ he asks, his voice soft.

“I-I sent her flowers” he answers, his going soft.

Joseph nods his head, and says. 

“Don’t let her slip from you John. God has plans for the both of you. She will be one of us”. 

[riderdrauggrim]

Day Unknown. Friday. Sep 25. 2020.

I'm not dead! But my battery is.

Riding up to Fort McMurray, through to see the Giants of Syncrude - old massive mining machines by the roadside.

ABS light comes on. Weird. Maybe something to do with the new tires. Should fix with a restart.

Dashboard display turns off. Worrisome. No speedometer, gas level etc. But I don't need those immediately. Start looking for someplace safe to pull over.

There isn't any. I'm on something locally known as 'Supertest hill'. A very long climb. It's three lanes wide, with no shoulders, and a deep several meter dirt ditch slanting down the right side. I realize if I crest the hill, I'll be virtually invisible to anyone making their way up it, so I make the judgement call to pull over as far as I can maybe 300 yards before the top.

The road edge is loose dirt and gravel, I have trouble with footing to stabilize the bike and get the kickstand down. I turn off the machine. Wait a few. Turn it back on. The display reappears, but not as bright as usual. I press the starter. The display vanishes and the starter makes a few weak clicks.

Shit.

Well. I thankfully decided to bring my emergency booster. Almost hadn't because it's very heavy, but added it back in at the last second. Dismount, unhelmet, dig it out of the tail pack, hook it up, wait. My cigarette lighter socket USB charger/voltmeter reads around 10. Usually it's around 12. 14 when running.

I get it back to about 11.6 and decide to try my luck. It starts! I rush to repack my tools and put my gear back on. I get on the bike and notice the voltage is dropping. Try to go and... Dies again.

The sun is starting to set and I am in a BAD location. Time to call CAA.

I don't know if I just need a Boost (bad battery? End of life? Unable to handle the extra drain of the phone/gps and the new chain oiler?) or a full on Tow (where to? There's no motorcycle shops on her list. The tow driver can't let me ride along because of the pandemic. How do I get back? Where do I go?)

The tow company calls me. He suggests 4G Motorsports, a Can-Am and Ski-Doo dealership. It's that or a Harley place. 4G, please. He is currently on a tow and will be here in about an hour.

I have a reflective vest on, but I'm standing on the ditch side of my bike for safety. There are no road lights. And obviously my hazards don't work. A few semi trucks come uncomfortably close as they struggle up the hill in the growing dark.

I shift the vest to drape over the tail luggage, and abandon attempting to boost the battery, using the charger instead for its blinking flashlight feature, pointing it down the hill and activating the three pulse flash.

Nothing to do but wait. Behind me, over the forest, a pillar of smoke wafts high into the night sky. The stars are out. At least it isn't raining. Each time a vehicle approaches, I brace, praying they see me and shift away from my precarious position.

I glance back to the forest and notice the smoke pillar has warped and shifted, and there was other light glowing overhead.

Oh, shit.

It wasn't smoke at all.

I'd finally found the Northern Lights.

I tried to enjoy the show, in between tensing as trucks surged past, as the green band stretched and wriggled through the planet's magnetosphere, or whatever the correct term is. Pictures proved elusive, as single snaps resulted in too dark an image to share the sight, and iso delayed shots would lose the definition of the individual bands of particles. But that didn't stop me from trying.

I'd love to be able to relax and enjoy the show some night, but at least I got this.

The tow service arrived, EMI - Eastern Mechanics Inc. Kind young gentlemen, the driver from Nova Scotia, came to work the sands like so many young people of the Atlantic provinces. A game attempt at a boost proved ineffective as the battery again tapered out once the charger was removed. The driver, his buddy, and me struggled to get the bike up the dual incline of the hill AND the angled flatbed, but eventually everything was secured. They called a cab for me and waited until it arrived, destination 4G Motorsports, Fort McMurray.

The cab got there first, the driver perplexed as to where I would spend the night. The local hotels have a monopoly on shelter, so the prices were all upwards of $120 for the night, and me facing an undefinable repair bill. That and the night was already half over - no discount for only using a room for four hours. I assured him I'd be fine.

The tow pulled in about ten minutes after, same driver, different buddy. We unload the bike, they refuse a tip (thank gods, I'm so stressed about finances), and now I'm alone. 4G opens at 9am on Saturday, so I do the logical thing and set up my bivy next to the bike at the edge of their parking lot. The Aurora is gone, but I was too exhausted to watch the skies any longer anyway.

I sleep.

[hardlicorex]

09/23/22

OK. Boss was like you got a really great check coming Friday- Friday comes - paycheck not so great - still under 1k -_- I've done better J... Anyway, I had 3 - literally 3 advances 2 100 and 1 60 dollar advances so that drops my 972 dollar check down to 700 immediately - I was counting on a 1200 dollar one but apparently I didn't do as well as I expected -_- I'm done taking these advances - D isn't getting any money this check. He'll be fine - I am NOT doing a big grocery order this time either. We can both stand to lose a good 10 pounds so I'll get food day to day. I need clothes bad so I'm going to see about going thrifting. I absolutely have to get a side gig going ASAP - I have to before the end of the month I think which I'm already exhausted after a shift at my first job already :/ I still haven't started reading or studying and haven't picked up dancing or martial arts or rock climbing yet - nope. Nothing - not even pottery - because I'm broke AF. I have so many things I need to get and it's just looking a bit dismal. Plus on top of it the cat has fleas and I am bit the fuck up and also I need a facial and my hair fixed and so much done to improve my appearance. All that being said, I did get accepted to ASU - so that is epic. I actually have an opportunity to go back to school - the only thing scaring me is the cost factor - I have enough financial aid for maybe 1.5 years - but not a full 3 to complete the program. I definitely have to fix a lot of things in that first year to ensure I can actually complete the program - best option seems to be working at starbucks part time to cover it - which I'm already a barista so maybe that isn't as bad as it sounds - it's just the hours are going to be long but at the same time - there is a lot of time in the day and once I get used to it - it might not be so bad. If I could manage to increase my pay another 2k a month - up to 3500 to 4000 a month - that would be extremely helpful for a better standard of living. Anyway I absolutely have to start a hobby this paycheck and I'm nervous but excited to do something new. I am happy I can start school in 3 months - so I need to start prepping now. Books are going to cost a lot and like I said I definitely need to consider my options to help pay for it as well as getting a car soon. I weigh 112.8 this morning. I keep getting mixed reviews on my looks -_- sometimes I'm told I look 19 other times I'm told I look my age --- SOOO yeah. I definitely would like to lean towards the 19 but I'm a little paranoid since I AM going to be 30 in 7 months - which I had plans to completely reinvent myself BEFORE turning 30 flirty and thriving :D I wanted to be established overall - also I connected with an old English prof a few days ago and it's made me want to try writing again as well. I gave up poetry and short stories and I really used to be good at that - I wish D could have seen when I first started college and how epic I was lol I don't even feel like I have that in me anymore - but I haven't tried anything in such a long time - I just exist day to day - I watch way too much television and focus too much on simple pleasures like eating and what not. I don't like alcohol - I am essentially sober aside from the occasional drink every 2 weeks or more. I don't even drink THAT much. But yeah I'm missing out in more ways than one with this existence - I need to start traveling too - I'm missing out :/

[pbandjesse]

Today was weird. I didnt sleep great and when James's alarm went off I was like dizzy I was so tired. James left me in in bed and went to get ready. I fell back asleep. And he went to work.

I slept until like 930. I didnt feel a lot better but I knew I had to get up and go to my meeting with Brian. I was not looking forward to it though. I don't like confrontation and I didn't really know how this was going to go.

I left here around 10:15 and like downtown. James was at Taney so that he could be there before and after the meeting just in case. So that was really nice of him. He left his sunglasses somewhere and his charger here at my place so I brought him those things and then went over to talk to Brian.

It was a productive meeting. Basically I got in there and he told me that when he got the email he was really bummed out for the rest of the day. And I feel bad that I bumped him out but I also really needed to say all of those things. All of it this how I was feeling and I didn't want to let it stew like so many other people seem to do when they have a problem here. I still really like my job and I really like the people I work with but I can't let something like this just fester and feel like no one ever heard me. A lot of things were cleared up. It turns out it wasn't just photographs of me the stack was pretty big. And the board member that apparently took the pictures actually belongs to ships company. The people that are reenactors that come once a month. And when he brought it up Chris and a whole bunch of other people on the board shut them down immediately. They said that it was inappropriate and that that wasn't the way to go about dealing with uniform issues. I did feel like that could have been said to me earlier when everything went down last week. But I'm glad to know that management at least seems to be standing out for us. Apparently Chris also want to Brian after I confronted him on Saturday and was very upset that I was upset. Brian says that pretty much everyone in management and above knows about me and how hard I work. And that felt nice that I am being acknowledged inside the company even if I don't know about it. It's just the way that the museum is structured makes it hard for people above us to really get to know everyone on Frontline staff. I think it's something that should be addressed and Get to know us and work with us but I understand that there's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that we don't know about. But like I told Brian and I wrote in my chapter for the book that I'm working on I think that the Frontline staff should be given some more information about what's going on behind the scenes. It only makes our job better when we know what's going on.

We ended up talking for an hour. And it was decided that I'm going to just move to the weekends. I'll do overnights and Fridays. Brian very much made it clear that he doesn't want to lose me. That he wishes more people had my attitude. And he was upset that I was upset but he wanted to try to make it better. He also really took it to heart my comments about working hard on the tasks but not being able to be fully qualified because we just aren't running the programs. I'm so I am now officially a museum educator and my pay has been bumped up to go with that. He also told me that as a company they are looking into the pay and general because we're not competitive to other museums anymore. And all of that is definitely going to help. We'll just have to see what happens but I do feel like I was listened to and that helps. I really would like to help make the museums culture better. And I think just my positivity will help that. And I think it has already especially with the new people coming in. We just have to see what happens now. I'm still hoping to get that other job but knowing that even if I just want a couple hours in the morning that is something that they can do. I didn't exactly know that they would be accommodating. So it's cool to know that They are willing to work with me.

I was going to be a couple minutes late to my shift but it was fine. I biked over to Constellation after I said goodbye to James. Sean had called me and texted me a whole bunch of times worrying about where I was. But it was fine. I was at the desk to start and I finished editing my chapter for the book. I'm pretty much completely done. It's about five pages single-spaced. And the woman whose compiling the whole thing seems to really like it. She's just going to change some of the formatting but we both agree that like where it went is really good. So I'm excited about that. And I got a copy of the book and I'm going to pay it so that's always nice.

Eventually Stephanie came down and took the desk for me. I went upstairs. It was such a beautiful day up on Deck. There's wind and it wasn't a lot of customers but the few people I did talk to it which is so nice. These three brothers, old old men, had all these questions and I think they were just asking each other but then I started answering them and they like lit up. They came over and they were asking all the stuff. And they were like we're so glad that you're not just a ticket taker. It was a very funny. So when I was outside they talk to me a little bit more and they were just really really nice.

Brian came back over to Constellation because he ask during our meeting if I wanted to finish up the other tests ASAP. And the one that's been the problem has really been commence firing. The one where we actually fire the cannon. And that's really been a problem because the last two weeks every day I've been there it's rain. And you can't practice in the rain. But it wasn't raining so he came over and I learned how to pack a charge. Put the gunpowder in the tinfoil and hit with a hammer. And then he had me pull up firing pin for the first time. I actually almost fell over doing it because I pulled a little too hard and hit myself in the arm with the little metal hook that holds the primer into place. But I did it in one pull. And it was loud! I was surprised. I guess I never really considered that the actual primer is loud as well and not just the gunpowder part. The Mercury and gunpowder that's coming out of the copper tube is also causing an explosion it's just tiny. But I did it and now I get to keep practicing and I'm going to get to fire the cannon. That's crazy.

Around 3 one of the ships that are coming for Fleet Week finally crested into the harbor. I think it's called the godspeed. It's a recreation of the Jamestown ship that brought over the first people to Jamestown. And it was so tiny. But they sailed here from Jamestown and that's really cool. It was really neat seeing it, and that's the first time I've seen one of the ships actually come in the harbor and not just already be there when I get there. But then it was time for me to leave. I went and got changed and across the street. I had a pretzel and a soda and I went home.

I stopped at the grocery store for milk and eggs. And then I came back here. I was pretty tired but I had wanted to clean and stuff. I didn't know if I could make that happen. I have a snack and then I went and got in bed and I slept until almost 7. I was pretty Delirious what I got up. I had to clean I had to make art. So I did vacuum at least the bathroom and the kitchen. I need to do the rest of the apartment or so much cat hair in here. But at least I did that. I went and worked in my studio for a while. I'm really really pleased with myself for these little details I'm doing in the diorama this week. Plant ones are always really hard for me so I hope this one looks good and all the work that I put into these little shelves it's not for nothing.

And now I'm just hanging out my living room. I think I'm going to go take a shower and watch maybe a movie. I'm hoping to wake up a little bit early tomorrow. Try to get some stuff done before work. But we'll see I'm not that concerned about it. Tomorrow's the first day of Fleet Week. I hope it's fun. We do have a couple ships that pulled out so we'll see what happens. I think it'll still be pretty good.

Good night everyone. Sleep well

[dailyangelrant]

long day

I realized that the process of becoming more positive means I need to be more positive here as well. Let's try that today. (after I rant about everything)

I have had a lot on my mind these past few days. Warren has been a forethought for most of it. Now that I am no longer with Ramseys, Warren and I have been talking more. I wonder if he likes me. I feel like he's showing signs that he might but he also might have just warmed up to me as a friend. Who knows.

Tomorrow is Theo's birthday. I got him a few small gifts but nothing crazy. I feel bad. I'm going out to dinner with him and his family tomorrow night.

I met this guy on Instagram on Friday. We talked for a bit and jokingly said that we'll FaceTime tomorrow (Tuesday). I wonder if he was kidding or not. I guess we'll find out.

I have 2 exams tomorrow. One for AP Environmental and another for AP psychology. I think I'll do fine on them and if not, oh well. I'm not going to let myself stress too much about it. I'll be alright.

Today I interacted my ex-bf (John). I don't think I've ever mentioned him here. I think he was my first love. Anyway, we ended on good terms like 2 years ago but we've just been awkward and don't really talk. He's in my chemistry class and I make a point to not really try and look at him. Since Ramseys and I are now broken up, I went to eat lunch with some of my friends and he eats there too. There was a lot of laughing and mostly us doing dumb stuff. At one point, he was emptying out a bag of cookies and all of the guys went rabid. He was splitting them in half for everyone at the very last half he went, "Angel, do you want one?" So I think he doesn't hate me. I don't think I'm his favorite person, but at least I know he doesn't hate my guts.

I saw Devin today. I haven't really thought about him in awhile. It took me so long to get over him. I remember how difficult it used to be to not think about him. For some reason, he was always a thought in my mind. It would physically bother me how intrusive the thoughts were. I've finally been able to get past it and move on. I was walking the dog outside after school today and I thought I heard him drive-by. But I wrote it off because there's someone in my neighborhood with a similar sounding exhaust. Well, I was wrong. As I stood up and looked at the car, it was 100% him. Then I realized, his semester is over and he's probably here for the summer. FML.

After all of this, I went to the gym. I got a great workout in. The gym was a little crowded but I just focused on what I had to do and got a solid hour in. I think I'm going to try and be consistent. No more excuses.

I feel like I can spend more time to myself. Practice more mindfulness. I am no longer looking at the clock waiting until 9:30 for him to call me. I can do what I want with my night. I feel like I have so much more time. Normally, now, at 10:19, I would be talking to him on the phone. Instead, I was able to clean my room some, shower, wash my face, and now I'm here journaling before bed. Hopefully I will start feeling good. I have the time to show up for myself. I just need to choose to show up for myself. The only one that holds me back is me. I need to keep working on shifting my mindset and perspective. I can show up for myself. I just need to not give up. It'll be harder but I think it will be far more rewarding. I can do this.