#on days when the people who have claimed i'm unintelligible in bad faith; because i talk in a way that's easy to *make* unintelligible

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i think it is probably a sign of the process of healing from the trauma of having every word out of my mouth ripped apart, mocked, and treated as an unforgivable offense warranting Extreme Rage and Vitriol, and having it explained to me in excruciating and hateful detail why my thought processes and basic turns of phrase and the things i thought were worth expressing were stupid worthless gibberish, unbearable to listen to, and the root of everything wrong with society, by redditor-ass faux-intellectuals in my life growing up for being awkwardly phrased/not concise enough/mildly whimsical, that some days i'm proud of my meta and some days i can barely stand to look at it. but god that does not make the second one more fun.

[thecottageinthedark]

#whosebaby talks#personal stuff#abuse cw#ableism cw#gaslighting cw#it says something that i considered just leaving this in my drafts solely for being an awkwardly phrased; probably hard-to-read run-on#when that is literally what the post is about lol#and i will count it as a victory that i caught myself went fuck that and posted it anyway#it is not morally wrong to speak awkwardly#doing my best to be clear about important distinctions and concepts in the ideas i am expressing is not synonymous with#'sound polished and perfect; sound like a professional lecturer reading off a prepared speech'#'never write a sentence someone may have to reread a couple times; never use a word too many times; never use a cliche turn of phrase'#and it's also not synonymous with 'never express a feeling or use a metaphor; or talk about an idea of any complexity'#'or say things that are Obvious(tm)'#i believe i am good at expressing ideas and the ideas i feel are worth expressing matter.#believing that; so i can do my best to work to live up to it; is an active choice.#i have chosen to believe based on the evidence available to me that i make a hell of a lot more sense than it feels like#on days when the people who have claimed i'm unintelligible in bad faith; because i talk in a way that's easy to *make* unintelligible#if you know where to strike to throw me off and keep me from pulling an idea together#are loud in my ear#but like. it's okay. It is Okay. to express yourself and fucking be awkward about it.#it's okay to be Emotional in a way that's not the Current Acceptable Style. it's okay to use lots of heavy emphasis#it's okay to repeat yourself. it's okay to sound Pretentious(tm) and it's okay to sound 'childish' and it's okay to run on sentences#and a thousand other things. the things you have to say do not matter less for it and you have no less right to attempt it#you're not stupid or unbearable; it's not a waste of people's time to listen or make the effort to understand you#and it's not entitled of you to expect them to damn well try. it is not on you to do all the labor of chewing their food up for them#so they don't have to meet you halfway. you shouldn't have to put up with people being lazy dismissive assholes bc you're at a disadvantage#which like. i say this for myself; but if you're reading these tags and you needed to hear someone say any of it; it's for you too#fuck em. you're allowed to talk.

i think it is probably a sign of the process of healing from the trauma of having every word out of my mouth ripped apart, mocked, and treated as an unforgivable offense warranting Extreme Rage and Vitriol, and having it explained to me in excruciating and hateful detail why my thought processes and basic turns of phrase and the things i thought were worth expressing were stupid worthless gibberish, unbearable to listen to, and the root of everything wrong with society, by redditor-ass faux-intellectuals in my life growing up for being awkwardly phrased/not concise enough/mildly whimsical, that some days i'm proud of my meta and some days i can barely stand to look at it. but god that does not make the second one more fun.