#on account of the effect on the liver I’m guessing? either way I’m pretty sure my medical condition makes Common Ingredient worse for my

[mangoku]

I’m not allergic but a secret forth thing!

[sonniquick]

  Listen to I’m Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/sonni-quick/im-someone-time-forgot

  I’m Someone Time Forgot 

  Jamie was stressed. It created a restlessness inside him he couldn’t get under control. He craved the feeling of walking. To go outside in the fresh air and push his legs to walk his full stride, and feel his arms swinging by his side. He wanted to walk with purpose because there was someplace he wanted to be.      He wanted to walk and breathe deep until his body was exhausted. He couldn’t do that in his cell with only two full steps of walking space before he had to stop and turn around. If he was outside the cell, walking down the hallway, he could walk in a slow, shuffling stride of about twelve inches, the length of the chain between his ankles. If he went any faster he would fall on his face. Since his hands were cuffed behind his back it would be a pretty nasty fall. Even so, the more he craved walking, and couldn’t, the more stress he felt.      He knew what Sonni would say, “Chant about it.” Taking in deep breaths to chant was like meditating and it had a calming effect. But right now he felt too hopeless to chant because everything in his life was out of control. It was so hot and that made it hard to concentrate. How was he going to make it through the remaining years he had when he could barely make it through the day?

Earlier, Jamie asked to be taken to see the doctor because he was having bad dizzy spells. All the doctor did was tell him to get some rest. Beyond that there was nothing he could do for him. What did that fool think he did all day in a segregated cell?      Jamie was afraid of falling. He had a couple bad falls during seisures and there were only hard things to fall on. He had some bad cuts and around here cuts got infected. The nurse always let injuries get infected before they did anything about it because they didn’t think there was any need to keep it from getting infected. Then, getting it treated by the doctor took time. Nothing ever happened fast. Infections could be prevented but they didn’t see it that way.      The doctor don’t treat nothing until it’s about ready to kill you. He seemed to hate his job, especially the inmates, like they weren’t worth helping. He never even said hello, or anything like he hoped you would feel better soon. A smile of friendliness? Forget that. It was part of his job to make you feel like shit because you were in here.      He didn’t like treating inmates. There were some scary ones he wouldn’t want to be around either, but he didn’t need to make sure everyone who needed to see him knew you were inferior to him because he was a doctor. This job at the prison was probably the only job he could get. Why would you be a doctor in here if you could get a job a somewhere else? Did they even have a valid license that hadn’t been revoked?      Jamie was lightheaded and passed out a couple times and now this fool told him that to fix it he was to go rest? Wasn’t it part of his job as a doctor to find out why it was happening, especially because of his epilepsy? Was it too far above what the prison allowed for the “adequate” medical care the law dictated. Ordering rest as a treatment didn’t cost the prison a cent. Running blood tests does. That ate into the profit they made off the inmates being here. They were kept alive with minimal food and care like other caged animals.      Sleep was beyond him at night because all he did was toss and turn. When he finally did fall asleep he would jerk himself awake. He was sure it had a lot to do with not knowing what was happening with his family on the outside.      He constantly thought about them, especially when he was trying not to. He hadn’t heard from no one in his family for a long time. Maybe no news was good news but he still needed to know. How was his son? Morgan wrote sometimes but she often put a lot of time between her letters.

Jamie lay on his bunk thinking about everyone he knew, one at a time. He didn’t have the mental strength to stop. When he got depressed this always pushed him further down the hole, and then he wanted to let it all go, but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt he was someone time forgot. Out of sight, out of mind. He didn’t exist for them anymore, until he got out. No one thought about the effect it was having on him right now as he lived it.      During these times of depression he always said he was going to give up, cut them off and never write to nobody again. He said that over and over through the years. He needed to hear from the people in his life who knew he was in here and that rarely happened. Almost no one took the time to do that to let him know they cared or write to tell him what was going on out there. No one cared that little Jamie needed him. Being in prison made it doubly hard for his son. He needed a relationship with his dad. All this made him terribly lonely.      He was worried about Morgan. She was working two jobs. She had no choice with kids to take care of. He needed to be able to do his part and couldn’t, and that made him feel guilty.      Sonni was sick and that was probably why she hadn’t written or come to see him in her dreams. Maybe she was saving her strength. Not knowing, he could only guess when it was time for her to get the liver transplant she was waiting for. She wouldn’t know until the last minute, so there wouldn’t be time to tell him.      When too much time passed between letters he always worried the time had finally come, that she was in the hospital and no one would be there with her except her husband. No blood family. A time when family should be there to wait for her to wake up and know she was okay – to support her and make her feel loved. He knew deep down that this was going to happen. No matter what differences there were, her family should be there. They didn’t live too far away. The writing was on the wall and he felt bad about that. He knew what it felt like and would there if he could. He knew he would.

This was the worst thing that kept him awake at night, tossing and turning. It seemed to him that family thought they had the right to hurt you the most. It was important to him and important to Sonni to be there for each other. It’s hard to go through things like this and be alone. It messes up your head and makes you feel helpless to not be able to help. If only he could shut off the thoughts.      He liked calling her Mom. She knew he needed family and because she was his son’s grandmother they really were connected like they were family. It meant a lot to him because she stuck by someone like him the way she did. Some people look down on people in prison and treat them bad even after they get out like they weren’t already punished enough. She didn’t see him as a bad person. She never tried to make him feel bad. If she wanted, she could be angry at him because he did something that made her daughter’s life hard, but she didn’t. Now she was the only connection he could count on who always remembered he was here.      Now she needed him to be there and he wasn’t good for nothing and was letting her down, too. He loved her because she took the time to be good to him. He wanted to do the same for her.      It wasn’t unusual to hear this same story in here. He heard it plenty of times. Family stopped writing or visiting, or the drive was too long, or they got tired of being asked for money, like somehow the inmates found a way to get the things they needed without doing something that could have far reaching consequences. So they stopped answering letters. Maybe they didn’t want to know what was happening inside. Maybe they couldn’t scrape together twenty bucks between them to put on his account. A lot of dudes were on their own with no help. He had Sonni. He would never forget that.      Jamie knew his family hadn’t stopped loving him. They just didn’t know how to show it. Maybe they took his love for granted. He would love them no matter if they wrote. And he would, he always would, but it was hard to keep making excuses their absence. He knew they had their own problems to deal with. He wanted to know what was going on in their lives and they didn’t tell him. But he knew what was going on Sonni’s life because they wrote to each other. He could pray for her about that and feel like he did something to help because he needed to do something besides sit here.      Whether someone prayed to God or simply prayed and put it out there, it was the focus of the prayer and the mental energy that went into it that mattered the most. So he prayed urgently that she was okay. He needed her to be okay. He didn’t want to be without her. She was all he had.

Jamie looked up at the sound of banging on the cell doors. It broke into his thoughts and he stood up to go stand at the door. It was time for the meal cart to bring dinner. It had lots of shelves with trays stacked on top of trays. He was hungry tonight. There hadn’t been much for the mid day meal except two baloney sandwiches with nothing but a slice of meat and cheap bread. That wasn’t enough for a man his size.      He thought about a real sandwich. Lots of meat, tomato and lettuce, two slices of cheddar cheese with lots of mayo and pickles, too – and chips. That made him hungry. He laughed a little. He shouldn’t torture himself like that. It had been a good while since he had a hot meal. No matter what they brought to eat it was always cold when it was put through the slot. Sometimes he thought they never heated the meals at all.      The trays were prepared ahead of time and kept frozen in big freezers in the kitchen and were brought to them just as they were. They couldn’t prepare them at mealtime. How were they going to serve hot food to all the inmates? Were they going to heat them up in microwaves, or prepare trays one at a time like they would at a hospital? Fat was congealed on the meat like it hadn’t been heated again. It was bland, no seasoning of any kind. It was horrible food and he was always afraid of getting sick eating it.      The dudes in gen pop ate hot meals because they walked to where it was served. He was trying to get back to G4 so he could walk to chow. In the chow hall it was important to have eyes in the back of your head because you never knew who was gong to start trouble with you, but it was worth it for a hot meal. It wasn’t exactly fine dining but it was better than what was slid through the food slot.      Jamie had lost a lot of weight since he was locked up because he couldn’t choke down a lot of what was given to him to eat because it was so bad. No use complaining about it, though. It wouldn’t change anything. Jamie looked down at himself. It was getting hard to keep his pants up. He hadn’t been this skinny since he was a kid, and he was chubby then, too.      He heard laughing and the bang of a food slot slamming shut a few cells down.      “Oh, you thought you was gettin’ food tonight?” he heard one of guards say, laughing.      “I’m sorry,” he added sarcastically, drawing out the words. “I guess they forgot about you in the kitchen.”      A few seconds later he heard, “Too bad if you’re hungry. It’s not my fault. It’s too late to go get more. I’m not your servant and I’m not going to make a trip to the kitchen just for you.”      The guard’s voice started to get a threatening edge to it because the dude in the cell wouldn’t quit talking and getting louder, too. The guard only worked here. He didn’t make the rules. If he wanted to keep his job he did what he was told, and he was told to bring food to only some of the inmates. Was he supposed to care if they were hungry? They were fucking criminals. They should be glad he brought them anything at all. Sometimes he felt like a goddam babysitter.      “So I guess it’s no dinner for you tonight,” the guard sneered as he turned to walk away. “You’ll have to wait until morning. Deal with it,” and continued on to the next cell.      His drawn out Texas twang had a nasally sound like he had a marble stuck up his nose. It grated on Jamie’s nerves like hearing fingers scraping up a chalkboard. He could hear the dude in the cell raise his voice, calling him every name he could think of, but that only made the guard laugh. He turned around and stood there, far enough away from the door, hands on his hips where he couldn’t be reached through the bars. What a dick.

Jacking their food happened at at least for one meal a getting food. There was no reason for this. Messing with the inmates might feel like a sport to the guards but it would end up causing a lot of problems for all of them. You can only push people just so far before they come back at you.      The guards were finding ways to make the segregation inmates miserable. No one was going to stop them. They were probably encouraged to do it. Even if they all filed a grievance about it nothing would come of it.      It didn’t do it at every meal, but it happened enough times to make them all worried about being hungry. The food might not be worth feeding a dog, but it was the only food they had. Sometimes, when they brought a tray half the food was missing when they put it through the slot. Some of the dudes planned to get even with the guards because they had nothing to lose if they got in more trouble. Some were going to be here for most, if not all of their lives anyway. They didn’t care.      The day before, an inmate cut an officer pretty bad when he didn’t get his food. A lot of these dudes had a weapon of some sort they had made. They could get creative when finding materials they could sharpen and turn into a something they could stab into someone. This dude was waiting for just the right time and he cut him. He was lucky he didn’t kill him. What did the guards expect? They thought they could be assholes and no one would try to get even? These dudes had all the time in the world to plan what they were going to do.      Fires were set inside the cells and there were no fires extinguishers anywhere to put them out. It caused a lot of chaos and it was a mess to clean up. Others flooded the halls by stopping up the toilets and overflowing the sinks. It stank in here. The heat made it worse. Imagine breathing in that stink with every breath you take and you can’t get away from it.      Jamie didn’t want to be included when the officers retaliated so he drank a lot of water when they passed him by with no food and didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to react emotionally. It wouldn’t do no good. It wouldn’t make them bring him food, so he was better off in the long run if he just let it pass.      Joining in when they started getting crazy wasn’t a good idea, either. He tried to stay cool. The last thing he wanted was to do something stupid he would later regret that could get him written up or have more time added to his sentence.      That is where this was headed if it didn’t stop. He guessed that was what Sonni meant when she wrote about cause and effect. What he chose to do right now could affect his future and he needed to make the right choices.      The officers were taking it out on everyone on account of that guard getting cut. It wasn’t right, making all of them pay because of what one dude did, but that is the way they did things in here. There is no justice on the outside and there is damn sure no justice on the inside.      Jamie tried to do his best to cope with everything, but sooner or later he knew something would happen. Things got crazier every day as it got hotter. Tempers rose. Days went by. Hopefully things wouldn’t get any worse.

The next month didn’t get any better. Each day was like the one before it. When the heat started rising in March everyone knew it was fixin’ to be a long, bad summer. No way they were going to spend the money for AC unless they were made to do it legally.      Money the prisons paid out to families 11 people died was less than the cost of installing an AC or heating system. The winners cold get pretty cold, too. There were a few articles written each year but nothing was done and when it got hot the next year they wondered if would be bad enough to make the prisons fix it. The newer prisons were built with it, but not the older ones.      Jamie passed out from the heat one year. When someone gets that hot, and they haven’t been given their meds every day, it puts those people in danger who have high blood pressure or diabetes and other illnesses like him with epilepsy. But it keeps happening.      This year bad heatwaves were happening everywhere in the country, even up north. It seemed like it was getting worse every year. It was up over a hundred for weeks. That meant it was doubly hot for inmates in the south.

It was mid July and Jamie hadn’t heard from Sonni in more than a month. She had been saying the doctors told her to expect July would be her turn for a transplant because she was getting close to the top of the transplant list, but there wasn’t an exact day and all kinds of things could go wrong.      The reason she moved up the list so fast is because two cancer tumors were growing in her liver. If one more developed they would take her off the list because her chance of surviving the transplant would be less. If one got out of the liver it would over, too.      He wished he knew why she hadn’t written. If something happened, what if no one told him? The more he thought about it the more he worried. Add to it that it was so hot breathing was an effort and the water that came out of the faucet was rank. Terrible as it was he couldn’t drink enough of it. He couldn’t drink enough of it because he was so dehydrated.      There was nothing to do and nothing new to read. He didn’t feel like re-reading his books again or more time so he took out his letters and began reading them from the beginning. They were in order by the date so it was almost like reading a book. Some of the letters were almost memorized. He knew all the good parts. He held the images they created in his mind and tried to imagine living inside the stories.      He laid back down on his bed and had almost fallen asleep when he heard the mail cart outside his door along with his name being called.      “Cummings. Mail.”      Jamie jumped off his bunk and moved the few feet to the door. A Jpay letter was pushed through the slot. He thought it was from Sonni until he looked closer. It was from her sister, but she must have used Sonni’s Jpay account. He recognized her first name.      The waiting was over. It was finally over. The relief was overwhelming. She had the liver transplant two weeks ago and was home now. She hadn’t been able to write or type, that is why he didn’t hear from her. He was right in feeling so unsettled. He had been worried about her because he didn’t go this long without hearing from her, but she was okay. The stress of waiting was finally over. They had talked about the transplant happening for a long time.      The letter was dated, July 17th, 2012 and this is what her sister wrote:

“Sonni has asked me to write to you. She finally had her liver transplant on Sunday July 1. The six-hour surgery went well. She spent 10 days in the hospital and they have finally sent her home to start the slow healing process. Her recovery is amazing. She wants a normal life so bad. When I visited her on Saturday she told me she had received a letter from you. It will be some time before she can sit at her computer but she wanted you to know her long wait and surgery were finally over. She looks like my sister again, not a puffed up marshmallow. I know from our talks she cares alot about you and she didn’t want you to worry.

Take care and I know she will write herself as soon as she is able.”

On August 6, he got his first letter from her. He could tell it wasn’t easy for her to type. He was relieved to finally hear from her. Life was going to be rough for her for awhile but she made it this far and the transplant was over now.

” dear jamie-im getting a little better every day. slow and hard. i tried 2 send u money but my card was out of date. i have 2 call 4 a replacement. im learning how to walk n talk all over again. i am bored we each have a cell but i know that yours is much worse. i chanted nam myoho renge kyo so hard in my head-screamed it. pain meds dont work on me and i have felt everything they did 2 me.but ive turned a corner n its a little better. i think of u every day hoping u werent 2 worried. everyone has their own choices and does things that cause unhappy things to happen. my grandfather taught me from childhood – To thine OWN SELF be true. no one can know u really. some think once a loser always a loser. that isn’t true because i guess that would makes me a loser 2 – former drug addict and all that comes with it. i just didnt get caught. u arent a loser. neither am i. i have to go. nurse is here. be good! Mom”

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I’m Someone Time Forgot – Chapter From ITFO

Listen to I’m Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud I’m Someone Time Forgot 

I’m Someone Time Forgot – Chapter From ITFO Listen to I'm Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud I'm Someone Time Forgot 

[sonniq]

  Listen to I’m Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/sonni-quick/im-someone-time-forgot

  I’m Someone Time Forgot 

  Jamie was stressed. It created a restlessness inside him he couldn’t get under control. He craved the feeling of walking. To go outside in the fresh air and push his legs to walk his full stride, and feel his arms swinging by his side. He wanted to walk with purpose because there was someplace he wanted to be.      He wanted to walk and breathe deep until his body was exhausted. He couldn’t do that in his cell with only two full steps of walking space before he had to stop and turn around. If he was outside the cell, walking down the hallway, he could walk in a slow, shuffling stride of about twelve inches, the length of the chain between his ankles. If he went any faster he would fall on his face. Since his hands were cuffed behind his back it would be a pretty nasty fall. Even so, the more he craved walking, and couldn’t, the more stress he felt.      He knew what Sonni would say, “Chant about it.” Taking in deep breaths to chant was like meditating and it had a calming effect. But right now he felt too hopeless to chant because everything in his life was out of control. It was so hot and that made it hard to concentrate. How was he going to make it through the remaining years he had when he could barely make it through the day?

Earlier, Jamie asked to be taken to see the doctor because he was having bad dizzy spells. All the doctor did was tell him to get some rest. Beyond that there was nothing he could do for him. What did that fool think he did all day in a segregated cell?      Jamie was afraid of falling. He had a couple bad falls during seisures and there were only hard things to fall on. He had some bad cuts and around here cuts got infected. The nurse always let injuries get infected before they did anything about it because they didn’t think there was any need to keep it from getting infected. Then, getting it treated by the doctor took time. Nothing ever happened fast. Infections could be prevented but they didn’t see it that way.      The doctor don’t treat nothing until it’s about ready to kill you. He seemed to hate his job, especially the inmates, like they weren’t worth helping. He never even said hello, or anything like he hoped you would feel better soon. A smile of friendliness? Forget that. It was part of his job to make you feel like shit because you were in here.      He didn’t like treating inmates. There were some scary ones he wouldn’t want to be around either, but he didn’t need to make sure everyone who needed to see him knew you were inferior to him because he was a doctor. This job at the prison was probably the only job he could get. Why would you be a doctor in here if you could get a job a somewhere else? Did they even have a valid license that hadn’t been revoked?      Jamie was lightheaded and passed out a couple times and now this fool told him that to fix it he was to go rest? Wasn’t it part of his job as a doctor to find out why it was happening, especially because of his epilepsy? Was it too far above what the prison allowed for the “adequate” medical care the law dictated. Ordering rest as a treatment didn’t cost the prison a cent. Running blood tests does. That ate into the profit they made off the inmates being here. They were kept alive with minimal food and care like other caged animals.      Sleep was beyond him at night because all he did was toss and turn. When he finally did fall asleep he would jerk himself awake. He was sure it had a lot to do with not knowing what was happening with his family on the outside.      He constantly thought about them, especially when he was trying not to. He hadn’t heard from no one in his family for a long time. Maybe no news was good news but he still needed to know. How was his son? Morgan wrote sometimes but she often put a lot of time between her letters.

Jamie lay on his bunk thinking about everyone he knew, one at a time. He didn’t have the mental strength to stop. When he got depressed this always pushed him further down the hole, and then he wanted to let it all go, but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt he was someone time forgot. Out of sight, out of mind. He didn’t exist for them anymore, until he got out. No one thought about the effect it was having on him right now as he lived it.      During these times of depression he always said he was going to give up, cut them off and never write to nobody again. He said that over and over through the years. He needed to hear from the people in his life who knew he was in here and that rarely happened. Almost no one took the time to do that to let him know they cared or write to tell him what was going on out there. No one cared that little Jamie needed him. Being in prison made it doubly hard for his son. He needed a relationship with his dad. All this made him terribly lonely.      He was worried about Morgan. She was working two jobs. She had no choice with kids to take care of. He needed to be able to do his part and couldn’t, and that made him feel guilty.      Sonni was sick and that was probably why she hadn’t written or come to see him in her dreams. Maybe she was saving her strength. Not knowing, he could only guess when it was time for her to get the liver transplant she was waiting for. She wouldn’t know until the last minute, so there wouldn’t be time to tell him.      When too much time passed between letters he always worried the time had finally come, that she was in the hospital and no one would be there with her except her husband. No blood family. A time when family should be there to wait for her to wake up and know she was okay – to support her and make her feel loved. He knew deep down that this was going to happen. No matter what differences there were, her family should be there. They didn’t live too far away. The writing was on the wall and he felt bad about that. He knew what it felt like and would there if he could. He knew he would.

This was the worst thing that kept him awake at night, tossing and turning. It seemed to him that family thought they had the right to hurt you the most. It was important to him and important to Sonni to be there for each other. It’s hard to go through things like this and be alone. It messes up your head and makes you feel helpless to not be able to help. If only he could shut off the thoughts.      He liked calling her Mom. She knew he needed family and because she was his son’s grandmother they really were connected like they were family. It meant a lot to him because she stuck by someone like him the way she did. Some people look down on people in prison and treat them bad even after they get out like they weren’t already punished enough. She didn’t see him as a bad person. She never tried to make him feel bad. If she wanted, she could be angry at him because he did something that made her daughter’s life hard, but she didn’t. Now she was the only connection he could count on who always remembered he was here.      Now she needed him to be there and he wasn’t good for nothing and was letting her down, too. He loved her because she took the time to be good to him. He wanted to do the same for her.      It wasn’t unusual to hear this same story in here. He heard it plenty of times. Family stopped writing or visiting, or the drive was too long, or they got tired of being asked for money, like somehow the inmates found a way to get the things they needed without doing something that could have far reaching consequences. So they stopped answering letters. Maybe they didn’t want to know what was happening inside. Maybe they couldn’t scrape together twenty bucks between them to put on his account. A lot of dudes were on their own with no help. He had Sonni. He would never forget that.      Jamie knew his family hadn’t stopped loving him. They just didn’t know how to show it. Maybe they took his love for granted. He would love them no matter if they wrote. And he would, he always would, but it was hard to keep making excuses their absence. He knew they had their own problems to deal with. He wanted to know what was going on in their lives and they didn’t tell him. But he knew what was going on Sonni’s life because they wrote to each other. He could pray for her about that and feel like he did something to help because he needed to do something besides sit here.      Whether someone prayed to God or simply prayed and put it out there, it was the focus of the prayer and the mental energy that went into it that mattered the most. So he prayed urgently that she was okay. He needed her to be okay. He didn’t want to be without her. She was all he had.

Jamie looked up at the sound of banging on the cell doors. It broke into his thoughts and he stood up to go stand at the door. It was time for the meal cart to bring dinner. It had lots of shelves with trays stacked on top of trays. He was hungry tonight. There hadn’t been much for the mid day meal except two baloney sandwiches with nothing but a slice of meat and cheap bread. That wasn’t enough for a man his size.      He thought about a real sandwich. Lots of meat, tomato and lettuce, two slices of cheddar cheese with lots of mayo and pickles, too – and chips. That made him hungry. He laughed a little. He shouldn’t torture himself like that. It had been a good while since he had a hot meal. No matter what they brought to eat it was always cold when it was put through the slot. Sometimes he thought they never heated the meals at all.      The trays were prepared ahead of time and kept frozen in big freezers in the kitchen and were brought to them just as they were. They couldn’t prepare them at mealtime. How were they going to serve hot food to all the inmates? Were they going to heat them up in microwaves, or prepare trays one at a time like they would at a hospital? Fat was congealed on the meat like it hadn’t been heated again. It was bland, no seasoning of any kind. It was horrible food and he was always afraid of getting sick eating it.      The dudes in gen pop ate hot meals because they walked to where it was served. He was trying to get back to G4 so he could walk to chow. In the chow hall it was important to have eyes in the back of your head because you never knew who was gong to start trouble with you, but it was worth it for a hot meal. It wasn’t exactly fine dining but it was better than what was slid through the food slot.      Jamie had lost a lot of weight since he was locked up because he couldn’t choke down a lot of what was given to him to eat because it was so bad. No use complaining about it, though. It wouldn’t change anything. Jamie looked down at himself. It was getting hard to keep his pants up. He hadn’t been this skinny since he was a kid, and he was chubby then, too.      He heard laughing and the bang of a food slot slamming shut a few cells down.      “Oh, you thought you was gettin’ food tonight?” he heard one of guards say, laughing.      “I’m sorry,” he added sarcastically, drawing out the words. “I guess they forgot about you in the kitchen.”      A few seconds later he heard, “Too bad if you’re hungry. It’s not my fault. It’s too late to go get more. I’m not your servant and I’m not going to make a trip to the kitchen just for you.”      The guard’s voice started to get a threatening edge to it because the dude in the cell wouldn’t quit talking and getting louder, too. The guard only worked here. He didn’t make the rules. If he wanted to keep his job he did what he was told, and he was told to bring food to only some of the inmates. Was he supposed to care if they were hungry? They were fucking criminals. They should be glad he brought them anything at all. Sometimes he felt like a goddam babysitter.      “So I guess it’s no dinner for you tonight,” the guard sneered as he turned to walk away. “You’ll have to wait until morning. Deal with it,” and continued on to the next cell.      His drawn out Texas twang had a nasally sound like he had a marble stuck up his nose. It grated on Jamie’s nerves like hearing fingers scraping up a chalkboard. He could hear the dude in the cell raise his voice, calling him every name he could think of, but that only made the guard laugh. He turned around and stood there, far enough away from the door, hands on his hips where he couldn’t be reached through the bars. What a dick.

Jacking their food happened at at least for one meal a getting food. There was no reason for this. Messing with the inmates might feel like a sport to the guards but it would end up causing a lot of problems for all of them. You can only push people just so far before they come back at you.      The guards were finding ways to make the segregation inmates miserable. No one was going to stop them. They were probably encouraged to do it. Even if they all filed a grievance about it nothing would come of it.      It didn’t do it at every meal, but it happened enough times to make them all worried about being hungry. The food might not be worth feeding a dog, but it was the only food they had. Sometimes, when they brought a tray half the food was missing when they put it through the slot. Some of the dudes planned to get even with the guards because they had nothing to lose if they got in more trouble. Some were going to be here for most, if not all of their lives anyway. They didn’t care.      The day before, an inmate cut an officer pretty bad when he didn’t get his food. A lot of these dudes had a weapon of some sort they had made. They could get creative when finding materials they could sharpen and turn into a something they could stab into someone. This dude was waiting for just the right time and he cut him. He was lucky he didn’t kill him. What did the guards expect? They thought they could be assholes and no one would try to get even? These dudes had all the time in the world to plan what they were going to do.      Fires were set inside the cells and there were no fires extinguishers anywhere to put them out. It caused a lot of chaos and it was a mess to clean up. Others flooded the halls by stopping up the toilets and overflowing the sinks. It stank in here. The heat made it worse. Imagine breathing in that stink with every breath you take and you can’t get away from it.      Jamie didn’t want to be included when the officers retaliated so he drank a lot of water when they passed him by with no food and didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to react emotionally. It wouldn’t do no good. It wouldn’t make them bring him food, so he was better off in the long run if he just let it pass.      Joining in when they started getting crazy wasn’t a good idea, either. He tried to stay cool. The last thing he wanted was to do something stupid he would later regret that could get him written up or have more time added to his sentence.      That is where this was headed if it didn’t stop. He guessed that was what Sonni meant when she wrote about cause and effect. What he chose to do right now could affect his future and he needed to make the right choices.      The officers were taking it out on everyone on account of that guard getting cut. It wasn’t right, making all of them pay because of what one dude did, but that is the way they did things in here. There is no justice on the outside and there is damn sure no justice on the inside.      Jamie tried to do his best to cope with everything, but sooner or later he knew something would happen. Things got crazier every day as it got hotter. Tempers rose. Days went by. Hopefully things wouldn’t get any worse.

The next month didn’t get any better. Each day was like the one before it. When the heat started rising in March everyone knew it was fixin’ to be a long, bad summer. No way they were going to spend the money for AC unless they were made to do it legally.      Money the prisons paid out to families 11 people died was less than the cost of installing an AC or heating system. The winners cold get pretty cold, too. There were a few articles written each year but nothing was done and when it got hot the next year they wondered if would be bad enough to make the prisons fix it. The newer prisons were built with it, but not the older ones.      Jamie passed out from the heat one year. When someone gets that hot, and they haven’t been given their meds every day, it puts those people in danger who have high blood pressure or diabetes and other illnesses like him with epilepsy. But it keeps happening.      This year bad heatwaves were happening everywhere in the country, even up north. It seemed like it was getting worse every year. It was up over a hundred for weeks. That meant it was doubly hot for inmates in the south.

It was mid July and Jamie hadn’t heard from Sonni in more than a month. She had been saying the doctors told her to expect July would be her turn for a transplant because she was getting close to the top of the transplant list, but there wasn’t an exact day and all kinds of things could go wrong.      The reason she moved up the list so fast is because two cancer tumors were growing in her liver. If one more developed they would take her off the list because her chance of surviving the transplant would be less. If one got out of the liver it would over, too.      He wished he knew why she hadn’t written. If something happened, what if no one told him? The more he thought about it the more he worried. Add to it that it was so hot breathing was an effort and the water that came out of the faucet was rank. Terrible as it was he couldn’t drink enough of it. He couldn’t drink enough of it because he was so dehydrated.      There was nothing to do and nothing new to read. He didn’t feel like re-reading his books again or more time so he took out his letters and began reading them from the beginning. They were in order by the date so it was almost like reading a book. Some of the letters were almost memorized. He knew all the good parts. He held the images they created in his mind and tried to imagine living inside the stories.      He laid back down on his bed and had almost fallen asleep when he heard the mail cart outside his door along with his name being called.      “Cummings. Mail.”      Jamie jumped off his bunk and moved the few feet to the door. A Jpay letter was pushed through the slot. He thought it was from Sonni until he looked closer. It was from her sister, but she must have used Sonni’s Jpay account. He recognized her first name.      The waiting was over. It was finally over. The relief was overwhelming. She had the liver transplant two weeks ago and was home now. She hadn’t been able to write or type, that is why he didn’t hear from her. He was right in feeling so unsettled. He had been worried about her because he didn’t go this long without hearing from her, but she was okay. The stress of waiting was finally over. They had talked about the transplant happening for a long time.      The letter was dated, July 17th, 2012 and this is what her sister wrote:

“Sonni has asked me to write to you. She finally had her liver transplant on Sunday July 1. The six-hour surgery went well. She spent 10 days in the hospital and they have finally sent her home to start the slow healing process. Her recovery is amazing. She wants a normal life so bad. When I visited her on Saturday she told me she had received a letter from you. It will be some time before she can sit at her computer but she wanted you to know her long wait and surgery were finally over. She looks like my sister again, not a puffed up marshmallow. I know from our talks she cares alot about you and she didn’t want you to worry.

Take care and I know she will write herself as soon as she is able.”

On August 6, he got his first letter from her. He could tell it wasn’t easy for her to type. He was relieved to finally hear from her. Life was going to be rough for her for awhile but she made it this far and the transplant was over now.

” dear jamie-im getting a little better every day. slow and hard. i tried 2 send u money but my card was out of date. i have 2 call 4 a replacement. im learning how to walk n talk all over again. i am bored we each have a cell but i know that yours is much worse. i chanted nam myoho renge kyo so hard in my head-screamed it. pain meds dont work on me and i have felt everything they did 2 me.but ive turned a corner n its a little better. i think of u every day hoping u werent 2 worried. everyone has their own choices and does things that cause unhappy things to happen. my grandfather taught me from childhood – To thine OWN SELF be true. no one can know u really. some think once a loser always a loser. that isn’t true because i guess that would makes me a loser 2 – former drug addict and all that comes with it. i just didnt get caught. u arent a loser. neither am i. i have to go. nurse is here. be good! Mom”

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How own your home is slowly killing you!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

How Your Own Home is Slowly Killing You

House pollution problems 

   One of the topics related to breathing which, along with smoking, is not particularly focused on in my book is pollution. I figure most people already know; it is not good to breathe in either of those things. The less pollution we must process and the better our fresh air quality is and the more time we spend in environments with purified air the better and I guess most people can gather that but I want to talk more about some specific things to consider with home pollution to respond to some feedback I’ve gotten and to help you out.

   Home pollution: referring to the levels of toxic and irritating substances in the air at home, is caused by numerous things we keep and pretty much need around the house in this day and age. This will give some of us who are opening our eyes to a new awareness of our breathing all around and idea of what to look out for and how to deal with it.

   Causes of home pollution are everywhere. From the clothes we wear, the cleaning fluids we use and the materials used to construct the home, there are places where substances simply break down into smaller particles that hang around in the small enclosed spaces we occupy until they’re eliminated.

     First off lets talk about 1) Cleaning fluids. If you are not using some of the better environment and human-safe cleaning products like those made by seventh generation, you are putting harmful chemicals into the air when you clean and on surfaces from which they will linger and evaporate for some time after the cleaning is completed. Substances used in cleaning products like ammonia, butyl alcohol, trietholyne glycol, and countless others are carcinogenic and harmful for any living being to breathe in. Using human-safe and organic cleaning products is one way to drastically reduce these chemicals and making sure that when you clean you do so in a well ventilated environment and give some time for things to evaporate afterwards.

   2) Clothing and fabrics are usually made up of fairly harmful substances when breathed in although they are not harmful to wear as garments, when stored for long periods of time especially, the fabric in clothing often breaks down as it oxidizes and reacts with the oxygen in the air. The same way everything spoils over time, fabrics deteriorate and as they do, they become brittle and begin to break down into tiny breathable particles and these substances are not meant for your body to process- at all.

    3) Dust in general comes from most of the fabric in the household but deterioration of constructive materials of the house (paint, drywall, wood, etc.) can also breakdown and release itself into the air on a microscopic level and this is bad stuff as far as the lungs are concerned

   4) Smoke from cigarettes, incense, cooking, candles and even dust baking on light bulbs (even though you can’t see it) will produce soot and other harmful vapors, some of which will coagulate on surfaces in the household and continue to disperse over time long after smells that humans can detect are gone.

    And finally…

5) Carpet, which is made of fabric, gets its own paragraph here because carpeting is a particularly harmful concoction of industrial fabrics, dirt and grit, which will grind up and wear out carpeting causing the fibers to break up a great deal. This is what causes the worn out pattern in carpet over time and the missing material has to go somewhere so it lingers in the air. Carpet also acts like a magnet for all types of other fabric particles and dust and it is hard to clean these particles since vacuuming often only clears up larger dirt particles but send the smaller more harmful ones back into the air (that’s what causes a nasty smell when you’re vacuuming) Carpeting as a harmful pollutant is responsible for numerous illnesses and is subsequently the subject of many lawsuits over negligently dangerous workplace conditions. Looking into the type of carpeting that you have installed is not a bad idea but no carpeting is safe enough to not need a good deal of maintenance and care to reduce indoor pollution.

   There are plenty of other toxic substances that linger around the home like perfumes, and aerosol sprays but the five mentioned here account for a great deal of the contaminants we can eliminate and are almost always present in modern homes. Some of the things that are best for remedying the situation are simple and require no special equipment but I have also included some suggestions for devices to help clean the air, fabrics and carpet in the house-hold. Cleaning the air is important but one of the most beneficial and often overlooked solutions is really quite simple.

#1 Go outside. This is the best remedy!

    The Air indoors is hardly ever near the quality of the air outdoors and we forget to make time for this since many lifestyles today don’t require outdoor exposure. There are too many situations where people go straight from being in a car to-being at work to-being back home to-being out at a restaurant or somewhere were something is being done indoors and we forget to just get outside. Until recent steps in society and living conditions, humans were outdoors a whole lot more. Our bodies are used to it and they need this fresh relief more frequently than the modern day encourages.

    Indoor pollution winds up in the lungs and consequently must be dealt with by the same organs responsible for cleaning up most messes in the bloodstream: The liver, the kidneys, the pancreas etc. and these fragile organs become over-taxed and toxic themselves when not taken care of. The levels of indoor pollution in a home can be a contributing factor to reversing, or developing diabetes and other blood related diseases and disorders (hypertension, high cholesterol), yes that’s right I am telling you that the clothing in your closet and the spray for the windows can contribute to diabetes. Let me say that again, indoor home pollution is often a contributing factor in people who develop and continue to suffer from type 2 diabetes. That is how toxic some of these things are even though we welcome them into our home regularly. So here are some things that can be done to eliminate the problem at home, where we all need to be so much, understandably. 

1)      Open windows and doors as often and as wide as is reasonable or possible. Keep this ventilation in mind during times of cooking and cleaning especially. Too often during the winter months when the outside air is so cold we forget this so prepare for I t in the winter and occasionally turn the heat up and open the windows to exchange some fresh air without letting you house get too cold. Some people will note here that this is not especially efficient in terms of saving energy which is such a consideration these days and with many good reasons. I’m not suggesting that your home not be thoroughly insulated winterized and that your heating mechanisms should all not be green and energy-efficient machines- they should, but saving a few cents or reducing energy emissions by such a small amount is hardly worth making ourselves sick over. I think mother Earth would prefer her people healthy even if they have to let some of this precious stuff we call energy float out the window. With so many new breakthroughs and such a focus on the efficiency of energy in homes and cities across America and the world perhaps we can all take comfort in the fact the each day more is being done to make it less harmful to use up energy and electricity so don’t worry so much about your heating bill that you make yourself sick alright? We want you healthy and happy, remember- we already have small rooms with air quality so bad, that it kills people to even breathe in these rooms. They are called gas chambers and they work quickly, but we don’t need to make our homes into the slower-working versions so let’s move onto the next tip to creating a sanctuary of more breathable air in the home.

2)      Vacuum using a super efficient-filtered, high-quality vacuum like those manufactured by the Kirby Corporation. These are not gonna’ be available for purchase at your local store and they will cost more than a “normal’ vacuum but you get what you pay for. A Dyson just won’t do it, I mean I have a Dyson and don’t get me wrong, that ball is fun to play with but a vacuum is not a toy it is a life saving tool! That’s why I recognize my Dyson is only cleaning up stuff I can see but to get the carpet actually sanitary, I use a Kirby which also has a DRY-foam shampooer. Do not use wet-carpet cleaning companies and shampooers. They are dirty, leave behind dirt and most importantly feed mold and mildew by soaking un-breathable fabric in water. Wet-shampooing the carpet creates indoor bacteria plain and simple. To find a high-quality vacuum in general you’ll need to go to a special allergen-reducing products store (if you can find one) or order one through an online site that specializes in air quality and allergen related products like www.achooallergy.com. These kinds of companies also carry products for leaning the air itself and they are a great product comparison and research tool. Always learn more about what you are investing in before you buy it, especially since you should look at these kinds of household machines as life-long appliances that you will live with for as long as they last. Do not use carpet powder or spray on carpet cleaners with chemicals as these will only release themselves back into the air for you to breathe.

3)      Get an Ionizer like those you have probably seen on TV in infomercials. There are a few good ones out there but be careful about grabbing a cheap one especially from any discount store. It’s probably junk that does little to nothing but, the tremendous effect that a good ionizer can have on improving the air quality in the home is priceless. Shelling out five-hundred dollars on one may not be necessary but is probably a good idea.     I’ve always been really impressed with efficiency quality and power of ionizers available from The Sharper Image. Some other decent machines from Sunbeam and Oreck are also quite reliable in my opinion but The Sharper Image seems to have a real edge on ionizer technology. Negative Ions, or negatively charged air, is what makes the outside air fresh and clean most of the air that is near the surface of the Earth where we breathe. Falling water as from waterfalls or rain creates negative ions and really any time water interacts with air it “cleans” the air mostly because it charges that air with negative ions, that is the reason higher pollution levels from industrial companies is allowed toward areas where there are large bodies of water. The stuff is powerful and it can go a long way in reducing symptoms from and reversing asthma, emphysema, allergies, diabetes, even stomach problems and whole list of other ailments. These days many ionizers also contain germicidal elements that kill off viruses and bacteria in the air that cause common colds and flu. They are truly life-saving machines and we should all have them in our homes even more so than we should have furnaces, air conditioners, fans and humidifiers. If you can spend the money on any of those things, you can afford to invest in an ionizer and should get one as soon as you can. Also invest in good sized houseplants as these are extraordinary natural air purifiers and suppliers of fresh oxygen. They are an affordable way to clean the air in the home and beautify your living space with a personal touch.

4)      Monitor and screen some of the things coming into your home more carefully. Once inside many of these things are going to plan to linger and bug you so prevent the problem before it happens. Check into getting some more environment safe products like cleaning fluids and detergents manufactured by seventh generation. Use only these kinds of biodegradable cleaners like simple green and pro-tech solution. They are phenomenal household cleaners and can probably replace most of what’s you have under your sink if you haven’t used them they are amazing. Pro Tech solution is particularly versatile, really powerful, and human friendly. I also use a solution of Everclear and water to disinfect things to replace Lysol type products and I know most people won’t take it that far but isopropyl alcohol is actually a really dangerous poison. It shouldn’t really come into contact with humans much at all, it is just too harmful even though it’s in lots of things and we use it medically to clean things. We shouldn’t inhale the fumes or have it on our skin because it wreaks havoc in the body as it is processed. Now I don’t know how they get away with it but there is nothing natural about anything on a product made by Clorox or Lysol or any of the other major brand name cleaners. In my opinion that stuff is all poison and if you use it right now don’t feel bad, I grew up with the same notions that it was all ok but after looking into what’s really there, it just makes sense to stop poisoning the home slowly. Even Swiffers are manufactured of material that shouldn’t be in the home and I think they do an outstanding job of cleaning up dust you can see, but I’m a little concerned about what we can’t see so I will say I haven’t eliminated using them completely, but I do so sparingly. Also beware of scented candles and room sprays. I would never recommend anything Glade has to offer because of the harmful ingredients, which I was unhappy to find out about because I used to love burning glade scented candles in my rooms. I did it for years and years but now I know better and if you like the same kind of pleasant perfumes in the air like I do I’d say look into essential oil fragrance kits for the home and use products like Pure Citrus Orange Air Freshener. Check out the materials in fabrics you bring into the home. The next time you invest in drapes, carpeting, furniture, comforters or even buy a blanket look into the fabric composition and ask about materials used in them. Avoid acrylic fabrics and synthetic fabrics in general, especially things that appear like softer fabrics or imitate cotton. Materials like Satin are usually less likely to break down as readily as some other natural fabrics like cotton and cotton itself is fairly dangerous because of this; most of the pesticides used to treat cotton on farms, ends up in your clothing. It can’t quite be washed out completely and is almost impossible to detect or maybe we could regulate it better. Cotton that is not organic is always a toss up so whenever possible, only bring organic cotton made clothing, sheets and other organic fabrics into household.

5)      Relax. Stress is only going to cause a more debilitated and shallow form of breathing and will also slow down metabolic reactions that are breaking down toxins so remember to relax at home and outside. Don’t freak out about the idea that your home is poisoning you, but rejoice at the idea that you know so much about how to make your home a haven for clean air and the most effective methods here are the cheapest ones: opening windows more often, switching to “green cleaners” and get excited about how clean your home air can be, it might just be life changing for you. I’ve seen childhood asthma cured because someone invested in a Kirby. I’ve seen people healed from hypertension and diabetes because they simply started going outside more, and kept a window open, I’ve seen people get rid of allergies and asthma with a single ionizer and people with debilitating illnesses like carpal tunnel, arthritis and chronic pain miraculously healed after they got rid of toxic cleaners in the household. I’ve also had my own breakthroughs as well, and if this fresh air in the home can do so much for all of these people, it can work wonders for you, and it will.