#on a related note i found a great pair of jeans in a fucked up biohazard pile outside of the home depot!

[adventures-in-poor-planning]

It's sooooo important to remember that there is life everywhere.

If you go to your average souless industrial transit desert, you will find willows and dogwoods sprouting from the drainage ditches. There will be sumac twining its branches through the chainlink, and crows building nests from the No Frills bags. There will be a fucked up black fungus the size of your head. There will be red-winged blackbirds with their liquid song, and you'll be startled by the bright patches of their wings like it's the first time. Where there's life there's hope!!!!! and there's nowhere totally without it.

[yjano]

Who I am now?

Part 19.

Pairing: Jake x Mc.

Genre: Angst, comedy, dark romance.

Warnings: Strong language, angst scenes. 18+ content can be found.

Words: 6.2k

Author's note: This story contains mature topics and is not fully related to the duskwood game. A different parallel with different personalities. Thank you everyone for following and liking this! lly.♡

•

.

Mc focus.

.

"Alright, what's your question for me?" Nymos muttered, driving one-handedly as his other hand used a balled-up paper towel to clean up any traces of coca cola on his skin.

"I don't have anything in mind, to be honest." I coughed, adjusting my shirt. "Um, do you have any photographs on you of you and Jake when you were kids? Like the ones in your home?"

"...I'm giving you the most perfect opportunity for you to find out more about my brother through me but you just wanna waste the opportunity by looking at our baby photos?" Nymos tutted, shaking his head in disapproval, but still reaching inside his jacket pocket for his mobile phone.

"Like, I can tell you so many things about bro that he'll never bother to share with you. Things like the first time he had sex with someone. Wasn't a great experience for him I'm guessing since he accidentally knocked her out, because she squeezed his bud too hard. He woke me up at 3 am in the fucking morning and made me drive him home because his dick hurt too much to do it himself." Nymos concluded, laughing and handing his unlocked phone to me. I took it with my eyes widening at his words.

I glanced down at his phone screen to see I was in his photo album app, staring at a grainy photograph of young Jake and Kaden grinning so hard at the camera.

"Swipe right for more." Nymos smiled. I did that as he said, giggling at the next photo which happened to be of either a ten-year-old Jake or Kaden glaring viciously at the camera whilst being kitted out in a black turtleneck, black skinny jeans, several pieces of chunky silver jewelry, and boots studded with little spikes. Additionally, the boy's eyes were heavily lined with black, and his face was powdered a ghostly shade of white. In the background, I noticed an infuriated elderly lady lifting a sandal in the air, seeming to be in mid-warrior cry.

Nymos, noticing me laughing especially hard at this photo, grinned widely.

"Bro tried going to school like that one day but our grandma saw and beat his vampire-looking ass, telling him she wasn't gonna drive him to the hospital if he got heatstroke."

I laughed harder in reply, swiping right with my thumb to find yet another low-quality photograph of both the twins in their final year at high school, dressed in muddied football wear and looking a lot more like how they look now. Tanned by the sun, muscular, dark hair tousled, and wearing grins that left me a tad bit breathless.

Fuck, I bet they were super popular in high school. I wanted to send this specific photograph to my phone so I could privately drool over them in their red and black colored football uniform. I suppressed the urge to do so and instead forced myself to swipe right.

"Oh my god, oh my god! What is this?"

"Hmm?" Nymos took a peek at the photograph and grinned widely.

"Oh, those are my old high school nudes," He hummed, amusement evident in his voice as he studied the image depicted on his mobile phone screen.

"Man, I was tiny back then. Don't worry, I swear I'm way bigger now."

"Why would I fucking worry about your dick size?" I choked out, hurriedly throwing his phone back as if the phone casing could potentially burn a rectangular-shaped mark onto my palm.

"Because you know, you might think Jake's tiny too. Because we're identical twins." Nymos shrugged, chuckling. "Don't wanna have Jake hunting me down later for spreading false information about his dick size."

"Kaden, please stop talking."

"So it's your turn to ask a question now, screaming baby."

We've been playing twenty questions for quite a while now, probably passing the limit of twenty long ago.

I thought for a second, chewing contemplatively on my straw before glancing at Nymos.

"Why...Why did you believe Ikari instead of Lex and Jake?" I asked, almost kicking myself for my incapable brain-to-mouth filter because as soon as those words spilled out from my lips. I found myself wanting to swallow back a very single word.

But what happened? There was nothing I could do to redraw the flinch that Nymos reacted with.

"Damn, we're going for the big questions now, huh?" He coughed, and the hand that was not on the steering wheel reached upwards to cup the back of his neck as he laughed awkwardly. I thought that he might have a habit of touching his neck whenever he felt uncomfortable.

I cleared my throat now, looking down at the half-empty contents of my can of coke that I stirred silently with my straw.

"Um, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I mumbled, feeling like I crossed the line with my question.

"No, I'll tell you. It's just a question that people surprisingly haven't bothered to ask me," He replied quietly.

-a year and a half ago-

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Nymos focus.

.

"Try not to hate me too much for making Lex work overtime on your birthday," Black shadow called over his shoulder as he walked away with a grin forming on his face when he heard me groan behind him.

"It's hard not to, fucker!" I yelled after him, watching the black shadow languidly draping his winter coat over his shoulders.

"But thanks for coming, bro." I grinned, lazily wiping the messily smeared buttercream icing off my cheek.

"We appreciate it."

"Of course, I'll come. You guys are family." He chuckled, walking towards the front door whilst reaching into the pockets of his coat in search of his lighter and the hand-sized box of cigarettes.

I was about to reply warmly back to my friend's statement when I was suddenly interrupted by someone flinging their entire, full weight into my side, throwing their heavy arms around me, and engulfing me whole in an overly tight bear hug.

My attention was immediately cast down on the mess in my arms.

"Kaden, your younger bro wishes you a happy birthday!" Jake exclaimed loudly against my neck as he clutched at my denim jacket. I almost instinctively wrapped my arms around my twin brother and laughed into his dark hair, responding with a muffled. "Happy birthday too, baby bro."

"No, happy birthday to you." Jake persisted in a croak before he started sniffling loudly and just as I had preconceived it, my baby brother broke down completely, sobbing and crying into my shoulder and weakly mumbling something along the lines of.

"Wish mom and dad were here to see us." And. "Fucking hell, aasshole, when did you get such a nice physique?"

Whilst Jake sobbed quietly and distractedly squeezed my left bicep, from his left, I heard Sam groans.

"Oh god, who the hell gave the sad drunk alcohol?"

"I'm not a sad drunk, asshole!" Jake protested tearfully, pulling away from me to glare at Sam through narrowed eyes before returning to my inviting arms and bawling like the sad drunk he is.

"Yeah, yeah, sure you aren't, dick." Sam smiled fondly, rolling his eyes when Jake mumbled a sequence of incomprehensible words directed at him. I, still laughing, comfortingly petted my baby brother's soft hair.

"Babe, come on, you're stifling Kaden." Ikari giggled, coming out from nowhere and resting her hand on Jake's back, patting him comfortingly.

The rather emotional Jake reluctantly shuffled away from me upon hearing Ikari's softly spoken words. But he doesn't let up at all on being a baby because the next thing he was doing, was crushing Ikari in a bear hug.

Making the startled, smaller girl stumble a few precarious steps backward as he tearfully choked out.

"I love you so so so much, Kari, you're the best."

Ikari, in reply, laughed softly, letting her emotional hulk of a boyfriend wrap his arms around her waist and draw her suffocatingly close to his chest.

"Love you." Jake hiccuped, "I love love love love you."

"Mm, I know you do," Is what she hummed to him as she reached up and soothingly ran her perfectly manicured fingers through Jake's tousled, jet-black locks. Glancing upwards, she met my warm eyes and she shivered under my gaze, smiling sweetly at me before mouthing.

"I'm gonna take him to the guest room and let him sleep it off. Is that okay?"

In response, I nodded and smiled gratefully at my baby brother's girlfriend before shifting my attention back onto a disgruntled Sam.

"There's something off about her today," Sam muttered, folding his arms over his chest as he followed Ikari's back with narrowed eyes.

"I mean, there's usually something off about her but today it's maximized a hundred times," Sam explained, flickering his calculative brown eyes onto me. "Hm, just be careful, Nym."

"Bro, you make it seem like she's a witch out to get me specifically." I laughed, shaking my head with disbelief.

"She is one," Sam muttered under his breath.

"Sam, Ikari's not gonna grow warts and green skin overnight and attack me in my sleep, okay? I think that is near impossible so stop worrying. She's a good person come on, you know that, you've seen her with Jake-she loves him with all her heart." I grinned, feeling happy about my baby brother's relationship.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sam dismissed, relaxing his stance and shooting me a small smile. "Happy birthday, sexy, you've grown well."

"You've grown well and sexy? What the hell does that mean? Are you a simp for me? Lex's going to leak your nudes to the government if she finds out, and Asher is going to get jealous." I laughed, raising an eyebrow at Sam. He just simply smiled knowingly at me before glancing over his shoulder and calling his friend's name. Asher was currently strewn across my and Lex's couch, chugging down the celebratory vodka he had bought for me and Jake as a gift.

"Ash, for god's sake, quit drinking already. I don't wanna have to spend all night holding back your bangs whilst you throw up," Sam groaned out loud as he walked away from me and towards Asher who giggled at Sam, not-so-discreetly tucking the bottle of alcohol behind his back and chugging some more.

I tore my attention off the 'couple' when a small "ding!" emanated from the phone in my palm, indicating that I'd got a notification. Glancing down at my phone, I smiled at the instant heartwarming message sent to me by Lex.

Baby L.

I might've missed out on your birthday party but I'm determined! To! Finish! Hacking this godamn database within an hour so we can celebrate your birthday a little before midnight comes. ;) Save me some birthday cake and alcohol if the dickwhores haven't downed it already!

Baby L.

So see you in an hour! I love you, my dumb idiot. <3

Baby L.

Oh and if Jake's still there at the apartment, tell him I said happy birthday and I love him lots and that his birthday gift's in the back of our wardrobe!

I pocketed my phone, smiling at my petite girlfriend's message. I was still smiling to myself like an idiot when I waved goodbye to an annoyed Sam and his bumbling drunk of a friend or boyfriend, we will never know. I was still smiling when I locked the door after them and moved to my hideously untidy kitchenette, fumbling around with the now-empty takeaway boxes of greasy pizza and the stray, half-melted candles decorating the kitchen countertops.

"Hey, there."

I glanced upwards at the sound of Ikari's greeting, offering her a small smile.

"Is Jake asleep?"

"Mhm," She reassured, "He's off to dreamland and snoring the entire way."

"Yeah?" I chuckled, heading towards the kitchen's bin and dumping the pizza boxes by its side, setting it as a reminder for me to take the trash out tomorrow morning. Remembering her presence I glanced back up at her.

"Oh hey, if you're tired, feel free to stay the night here with Jake. There's no need for you to make the journey back to yours so late at night."

"Thanks." Ikari grinned.

"No worries."

"Oh, and, Kaden, honey? You're not meant to clean up on your birthday," She hummed disapprovingly, shaking her head as she fully walked into the kitchenette's small space, her cream-colored heels click-clacked against the tiled marble floor.

"It's the unwritten rule." She laughingly announced as she strode over to the steel beast of a refrigerator, opening the appliance up and procuring more of Asher's celebratory iced vodka. Her neatly painted, red fingernails encompassed the glass neck of the bottle, its hand waving the said item tauntingly at me.

"I don't think that rule applies to the boyfriend of my beautiful baby Lex," I chuckled to myself, rolling up the sleeves of my thrasher hoodie and dutifully resuming my self-assigned task of cleaning the kitchen.

"Better to clean this all up than have my baby whining my ear off tomorrow."

"Oh, I'm sure Lex could let this pass," Ikari assured, walking towards the kitchen island where I was situated and she leaned against the polished counter.

"Come on birthday boy, I haven't seen you drink at all during the party." Ikari coaxed. Softly, settling the bottle of vodka down on the countertop with a pleasant 'clink'.

In reply, I raised a dark eyebrow at her persistency-to which she fluttered her eyelashes in response, smiling innocently.

"I really shouldn't-"

"Have one sip as least."

I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Just one sip?"

"Just one sip." Ikari agreed, handing me the bottle of alcohol for me to pop open. I did it with a soft sigh before lifting the opened bottle to my lips, tipping my head back, and swallowing more iced alcohol than just a mere sip.

"Thanks, Ari, but I think I should finish up on-"

"Come on, Kaden," Ikari drawled, gazing at me through her lashes, "Don't make me drink all this by myself."

-present-

"Next thing I know I'm in the hospital for alcohol poisoning and my friends and family fucking hate me." I sighed, almost tiredly. I glanced at Mc, "Screaming baby, I never intended to drink that much, and I never intended to do anything with Ikari. That night, I had no fucking clue what I was doing, I wasn't moving off my own accord. The selfish bitch just kept pouring alcohol down my throat until I was so fucked I could barely think."

"For fucks sake, I didn't even realize, she had drugged me and manipulated me into her selfish game. I broke my brother's and Lex's hearts. But the worst thing is she had recorded something when I was unconscious, and she pretended that I was harassing her. She told me everything when visited me in the hospital and told me she'll post the video online if I tell Lex and Jake the truth."

"God she's so fucking disgusting," Mc stated quietly. She looked up at me. "Why haven't you tried to talk with them still?"

"As soon as I was discharged from the hospital, I tried to meet up with Jake and explain what'd happened but he didn't let me speak, didn't even bother opening the door when I went around to his apartment. And then Black shadow who took Lex in didn't allow me to speak to her. All of our friends stopped talking to me after they found out what I 'did' with Ikari. I didn't have anyone apart from fucking Sam who kept staying over at mine. Yeah, he's the only one who knew the truth and kept it to himself when I begged him to. I was an idiot, I should've found a way to tell them. Now they're just hating me."

"You're not an idiot. You were alone and hurt. I knew you weren't the bad guy and Ikari was the bitch in your story."

I looked momentarily startled by her words. I wasn't expecting Mc to believe my words so easily let alone console me.

"And Kaden," Mc mumbled, gnawing on her lower lip, "You didn't give consent. So what Ikari did to you is sexual assault. You, you need to explain this to Jake and-"

.

Mc focus.

.

"I know what she did," Nymos mumbled and I noticed his blunt nails digging into the soft leather of the steering wheel as he spoke softly.

"But I'm not gonna file a complaint because it's kinda unfair, don't you think? Me getting her charged with sexual assault when I've done so much worse? Screaming baby, for god's sake, I once worked for a fucking human trafficking ring when I was eighteen."

Swallowing hard, I looked away from him at that, feeling so fucking angered, disgusted even, by what he just claimed. Looking plenty disgusted himself, Nymos continued speaking with his nails burrowing crescents into the leather of the steering wheel.

"And, I've already thought about explaining it to Jake or Lex but after really thinking it through. I've decided not to tell them because I despise nonconsensual sex, and I don't even remember what I told them that night, yeah. But in a way, I've still cheated on my baby bro and Lex. It's, it's just pointless now to explain my situation back then and try to win them back. It's been a year and I don't want to open the old wound I caused especially to Lex."

I didn't reply to his words and Nymos made no effort in trying to change my response from me. We both sat in the car in heavy silence and air too thick to breathe in without feeling suffocated.

Isa's passive-aggressive growls can't even mask the tension within the car as she was sleeping peacefully in her carrier.

"Do you, do you love her?" I asked quietly.

"Yes," Nymos replied firmly without a second thought.

"Then why aren't you still with her? Why are you not trying to win her back?" I asked simplistically, staring at his side profile as he was driving. "Win her back already and make amends with your friends."

"It's-" Nymos sighed, "It's not that easy, screaming baby."

"You make it sound like Lex is nothing to you anymore. But she's indeed your life support." I turned away, mumbling, "Maybe she's mad and hurt but I know that she loves you too, she even trusted you with her pup."

Nymos didn't say anything for a few seconds and again, I didn't press him for a response. I rested my head against the headrest of my seat and stared out of my window at the scenery flitting by until Nymos spoke up.

"... I know that she loves me. But I am bad for her." Nymos murmured, not looking at me but keeping his eyes on the road ahead. "That's why I keep my distance from her. I pretend to be playful and we end up having one-night stands and all. I'd rather suffer instead of hurt her."

Furrowing my brows, I swiveled my head to face Nymos.

"What?

He sighed.

"I'm not a good person, screaming baby. I'm a bad guy, and bad guys never get the good things they don't deserve it. It's practically a written rule that they should never get the girl, or in this case, Lex. They don't get good friends or a nice, easy life. I don't deserve to have Jake or Lex, I deserve nothing, of course, I try to stick by them but-. Do you..." He exhaled tiredly, "Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"That has got to be the most idiotic ideology I've ever heard in my entire life."

Nymos frowned at my strong words.

"Screaming baby, I-"

"Yeah, you're a bad guy. But so is Jake. He does bad things for a living, but that doesn't stop me from loving him, does it? Kaden," I exhaled, "Love has no bounds." I started almost fiercely. "Just because you're bad, it doesn't mean you can't love and be loved."

He didn't say anything in response.

The two of us were quiet after that. He was driving silently and I was resting my elbow on the ledge of the window, cupping my palm and staring past the glass. The radio was still on, playing so softly that it was not soon before it lulled me to sleep.

.

Nymos focus.

.

I noticed her head tilting forwards and jerking back suddenly with her bleary eyes blinking in bewilderment at her surroundings before closing once more.

"Screaming baby, if you wanna lie down, you can sleep in the back with the rabid bitch." I suggested.

"I'm okay," It was what Mc replied softly but made no movement to climb into the back. I quirked an eyebrow at this but let her doze off, not bothering to wake her up.

Five minutes later, whilst in traffic, I reached into the back for my denim jacket that lied across the seats and picked it up, balling the item into a makeshift pillow for Mc to use. Unbuckling my seat belt, I leaned over to cup Mc's cheek, lifting her head slightly to shuffle my denim jacket under before letting her go.

I smiled when I noticed Mc cozying up to my makeshift pillow. Drawing the seatbelt over myself, I turned away, still smiling.

"Thanks screaming baby. Thanks for believing me." I murmured.

Isa decided to wake up at that moment, immediately starting her bout of incessant growling. I rolled my eyes and replied to her.

"Oh, fuck off."

.

Mc focus.

.

I stirred in my sleep at loud laughter coming from my left, the sound of persistently loud chatter made me reluctantly open my eyes and blearily study my surroundings.

Isa yippee excitedly behind me, causing me to tear my gaze away from the denim jacket sitting on my lap as a crumpled mess, at Isa's little barks. I looked over my shoulder to see the small pup looking up at me expectantly, pink tongue lolling out of her mouth.

I was surprised, to say the least when she started whining, nudging at the latch of her pet carrier dejectedly-so dejectedly, it pulled at my heartstrings and I immediately found myself reaching for the latch. I stopped myself short though, remembering this morning when she looked like she wanted to dismember me.

Isa whined again making me feel conflicted.

"Please don't bite my fingers off." I finally said, sighing before reaching for the pet carrier with shaky hands, unlatching it slowly, and allowing the pup to gingerly nose the front open. Delighted, she barked in what presumed its joy. Cute.

"Hey," I peered to my right when I heard Nymos by the car door opening. I sleepily watched him slide into the driver's seat, a packet of strawberry laces in his hand which he soon proffered to me.

Still half-asleep, I took the packet and simply held it in my hand, yawning.

"Are we nearly at my angry bird place?" I murmured, finally looking out of the window to see that we were currently parked at a busy petrol station and the cacophony that had woken me up and the smell of petrol that I now wrinkled my nose at. I wasn't one of those people who liked the smell of petrol.

"Yeah, we'll be at his in around thirty minutes." He hummed nonchalantly.

I, suddenly awakened, swiveling my head around to face Nymos with my eyes widened and jaw slackened with surprise.

"What? Thirty minutes?"

"Yeah, it's-"

Isa barked at Nymos. He glanced at the pup through the rearview mirror and immediately sharply inhaled at the sight of her proudly parading around atop the backseats of his car.

"Who the hell let the rabid bitch out?"

"I did," I muttered, distracted with tearing open my packet of strawberry laces, "She looked sad."

"Oh god, oh god, don't make eye contact with her," Nymos told to himself, "Don't make eye contact. Making eye contact with her is like challenging her to pee all over the seats. Or worse she's gonna claw the leather upholstery apart-"

"She seems sorta sweet," I said, chewing on a strawberry lace. "Come here, isa," I said, setting my gifted confectionary down on my lap and reaching carefully for the elated ball of caramel-colored fluff that practically jumped into my arms.

Giggling, I pulled her close to my chest before turning around to beam at scared Nymos.

"Fuck, screaming baby. She turned you over to the dark side-"

I burrowed my cheek against her soft fur and rolled my eyes at his words.

"Oh, don't be dramatic, Kaden."

Isa glanced up then and Nymos could swear the puppy was smirking at him.

Thirty minutes passed by in a flash.

Panicked I scarf down my strawberry laces, hurriedly shoveling them into my mouth and only slightly choking on them. I dismissed the concerned expression Nymos was wearing on his face when he glances over at me.

I climbed haphazardly into the back, taking isa with me and settling in the back seats with her. Nymos frowned at me through the rearview mirror, wordlessly questioning my actions with furrowed brows.

Completely oblivious to his quizzical eyes on me. I set isa on the leather seat beside me and once she was comfortable, I moved quickly to work on my appearance. I re-tucked my white tee back under the waistband of my jeans, throwing it atop the striped sweater I'd taken off earlier when it got too stuffy in the car, and carefully retied the laces of my sneakers.

I felt a little shy though when I unzipped my backpack and draw out my small vanity bag-feeling a tad bit self-conscious about the possibility of Nymos playfully teasing me for trying to look my best for Jake. But all Nymos said when I applied my moisturizing face cream was.

"Damn, that smells like fucking roses."

I smiled at his words.

Satisfied with my efforts, I climbed back into the passenger seat, not bothering to take isa this time as she was too busy gnawing away at one of the seatbelts much to Nymos' chagrin.

I draw my seatbelt over my chest, settling against the leather upholstery and sigh softly as my lidded eyes study the slow sunset taking place outside, the grey winter sky now consumed with soft pinks and delicate purples that had me smiling subconsciously.

"Excited?" Nymos asked, smiling.

"Mhm. Nervous too."

"I'm excited too," Nymos grinned. "I don't have to deal with you and Jake moping around me anymore."

"Oh, shut up," I laughed. "I know you've enjoyed this."

"I have, I have." Nymos agreed, chuckling.

I started biting my nails distractedly, staring at the sunset absconding behind silhouetted skyscrapers that tower overhead, resembling large, black, ugly shapes. I swallowed nervously.

Nauseating nerves overwhelmed me, easily outweighed my excitement from before.

I feared I was going to throw up. There are two minutes left.

There is one-

"Alright, we're here."

"What?" I choked out, straightening up in my seat and watching Nymos unbuckle his seatbelt with a grin on his face.

Busy with overthinking the idea of Jake casting me away with a look of distaste and a new partner on his arm, I hadn't even realized Nymos had pulled up to a six-story apartment that exuded the amount of wealth invested into the building.

What was stunning about the apartment was its sleek, smoked glass that covered a good two-thirds of the entirety of the building, the glass easily reflecting the city's bright lights and creating a kaleidoscopic effect of a thousand differently colored lights playing on the glass.

"Oh fuck," I cursed, turning away to face Nymos who already had opened his car door, slipping out without a word to me.

Panicking, I hurriedly opened my door and stumbled out, swearing under my breath when I nearly tripped over my own feet.

"Fuck, fuck. Kaden, I can't do this." I breathed, locking eyes with Nymos over the roof of the car.

"Yes, you can, screaming baby," Nymos replied, leaving his car door slightly to check on isa.

"But, I- Wait! How do I punch someone?"

Nymos quirked an unimpressed eyebrow at me.

"Is this necessary to know right now?"

"I swear this is necessary." I quickly said, resulting in Nymos. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Make a fist like this- Not with your thumb tucked away, okay? Because, like  I don't know? Some bad shit could happen to your thumb?" Nymos sighed sounding resigned.

"Screaming baby, you really shouldn't ask me this since I've dislocated my thumbs, fractured my hands, and bruised up my fingers way too many times to count."

I was oblivious to his warning and only focused on balling my hand into a fist like how he had demonstrated it. Nymos rolled his eyes at this.

"Alright. You practice, making a fist while I call up Jake and make sure he's at home."

"Wait, what?" I halted my ministrations, frowning at Nymos. "You drove us out here and you don't even know if he's at home??"

"He will be, he will be. Don't worry."

.

Jake focus.

.

I regretted not bringing my leather jacket with me to the convenience store opposite my apartment complex. Because now I was shivering in the winter weather, my nose and cheeks colored a soft red courtesy of the wind.

I sighed at my stupidity, lifting my lit cigarette to my mouth, inhaling the grey tendrils that creep down my throat and burn in its wake, at least now I had my cheap cigarettes to warm me.

Exhaling softly, I crossed the road, haphazardly. Ignoring the angered drivers I left behind, pressing their horns aggressively and spitting harsh insults in my direction. I didn't bother replying, just lifted my cigarette to my mouth and breathed in its dangerous fumes, continuing walking.

I was in one of those moods. One where you're oblivious not passive to almost everything. You just don't care about anything. I didn't care for the winter weather biting my fingertips numb. I didn't care for reporting that twelve-year-old kid who stole a packet of strawberry-flavored bubble gum. I didn't care what brand of cigarettes I wanted to smoke. I didn't care now for the crude words a middle-aged man threw at me from his cruddy-looking ford fiesta.

I continued walking, walking down the pavement towards my apartment complex, smoking my cigarette distracted. However soon I was broken away from the trance I seemed to have fallen into when my phone vibrated quietly in my pocket.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I swiped a thumb over the damaged screen. Courtesy of when I was in one of those moods, angry, frustrated, and desperately needing an outlet to vent my rage into. I placed my phone against my ear, listening and smoking.

"Hey, bro? Are you at home right now?"

Nymos said at once, almost excitedly. Rolling my eyes at the realization that Nymos was calling me. I sighed, replying with.

"Why do you wanna know? Are you coming over again with another one of your shitty mixtapes?"

"Shitty? Excuse me, you fucking love that mixtape, and no. Unfortunately for you, I'm not here with another one of those mixtapes."

"Then why the fuck are you coming over?" I grunted, stepping into the private parking lot allocated beside my apartment complex, walking past parked cars, and smoking.

"Wow, I'm hurt. Can I not visit my favorite brother without an ulterior motive?"

"First of all, you only have one brother, fuckass."

"And that's you! What a lucky boy."

"Kaden, I'm not in the mood to deal with you today so-"

"But I brought you something!"

"If it's not food, you're not coming in."

"Well... I guess you could consider it to be food."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I snorted.

"Because you could eat her between her le-Ow! What the fuck, screaming baby?"

I frowned, hearing indistinct, angry muttering over the phone but waited impatiently for Nymos to return to our conversation. Whilst waiting, I placed my cigarette between my lips, using my now free hand to run it through my tousled hair. Contemplating distractedly whether or not I should cut my overgrown mess of hair.

"Sorry, so sorry about that." Nymos wheezed, sounding ready to burst into a bout of laughter. I raised an unimpressed eyebrow despite him not being able to see me.

"Kaden, if you've seriously bought me a prostitute, I'm gonna-"

"Hahahaha, he thinks you're a prostitute-Ow! Fuck! Screaming baby quit it!" More angry muttering ensued, causing me to sigh. I was tired already of this conversation.

"Kaden, I'm hanging up."

"No, bro wait! I gotta- Hey, is that you?"

"Huh?" I frowned, glancing at my surroundings but I was utterly unable to identify if there was anyone around what with the weak, artificial light of the streetlamps limiting my sight to only my nearby surroundings.

"Shit, hold on." With that, Nymos hung up abruptly, without another word.

Furrowing my brow at the rather crude conversation I just had with my twin brother, I slid my phone back into my jeans pocket and with a sigh, I dropped my cigarette to the cemented ground below, purposefully crushing the cigarette to a stub underfoot.

I walked my way towards the entrance of my apartment, praying that there wasn't a- God save Nymos if more than one prostitute was warming my bed for tonight.

Shaking my head at the rather absurd thought, I was about to climb up the few steps leading up to the entrance of the building when someone timidly tapped me on the back, causing me to glance over my shoulder and- And abruptly get hit in the face by a fist.

Somewhere to the far left of me, I swore I could hear Nymos choke out an

"Oh, shit!"

Almost at once, pain pulsated throughout my nose, causing me to cry out, alarmed. Stumbling back and nearly tripping on the steps behind me, instinctively, my hands fly to my face, protectively cupping my nose, seething with both blinding pain and rage.

Who the hell dares to attack someone from behind? A coward, that's who.

My eyes blazed with fury, I looked upwards with pure anger thrumming through my veins, looking ready to swing my fist at my attacker when-

"Mc?" I breathed, with my eyes widening.

Mc fucking Estrada was standing a couple of steps before me with her tiny balled-up hands trembling by her sides, her shoulders were shaking with sobs she failed to suppress and her eyes were shiny with tears. That fell steadfastly down her cheeks, staining them. My breath instantaneously got caught in my throat.

"M-Mc? What-What the?" I choked out, all of sudden incapable of making eligible sentences for myself. Out of shock, my hands fell from my face, causing Mc tearfully wince at my now bloodied nose.

"Y-you! You were supposed to come back for me, you asshole!" Mc cried out, "Y-you were supposed to come back! I waited so many months for you!"

"Mc, fuck. Mc, I'm so- I'm so sorry." I breathed with tears prickling my eyes, "I'm so sorry for leaving you alone. I- fuck, I'm sorry. So sorry, baby."

Mc cried harder at my words, stumbling blindly towards me and reaching out for me. Her hands found purchase on my white tee and used her grasp on the soft cotton. Mc drew herself into my inviting arms. I wrapped my arms around her almost instinctively.

Now, I almost sobbed when I ducked my head slightly, burying my face in the junction of Mc's shoulder and inhaling vanilla and freshly washed cotton sheets. A scent I've missed sorely over these past few months.

"Fuck, baby. I missed you so much." I croaked out with tears falling freely from my eyes.

"I missed you too, angry bird."

I can't tell if I was laughing or crying at her words but I pulled away from her neck a little reluctantly though and lifted a hand to Mc's cheek. Cradling my face when I caught her tears with my thumb.

"Sorry for punching you on the nose." Mc breathed out shakily, her eyes flickered downwards with evident embarrassment on her face.

I chuckled softly in reply, tilting Mc's chin upwards so I could meet her gaze.

"It's okay, baby. I deserved it."

"Hmm," Mc nestled her head against my neck, finding relief in my touch and the slight warmth I emanated. I murmured something softly in her ear and noticed in the corner of my eye, Nymos leaning against the side of his car with arms folded over his chest and smiling at the two fondly.

I had caught his eye and mouthed a "Thank you. Thank you so much." To him. He simply chuckled to himself, shaking his head slightly when Mc started crying again.

[heyyallitssatan]

My boredom is immense, let’s fucking go

Soda cans

Lollipops

Bubblegum

A pleasure to have in class

Styrofoam cups

Grunge?

Headphones

Tv shows

Hot leather

Crab Soccer

Rice porridge

Angry dad rock

Lanyard

Lemon heads

Great Gatsby

The chaotic neutral

A very old pair of Nikes that I have worn holes into and the soles off, 10/10 v comfortable

Cloudy, 75°, 10-12 mph south breeze, between 40-60% humidity, it drizzled last night and everything is slightly damp without being wet so it’s not dusty

One my left side, right leg curled up to my chest, left leg down where my dog props her back legs up on my thigh, one arms under my pillow and the other scratching her head, I will wake up in the middle of the night with me flat on my back because I’m unable to breathe cause she’s on my chest

Sketchbook or notes app

Magic treehouse, I read all of them

Fuck if I know

I sing the pi song at half speed when I’m anxious

Rainbow quartz

I love rock and roll, I was six, I fully blame this moment for both my punk awakening

Swim

Wake up early to make coffee and waffles, then eat and drink on the balcony with my roommates

I love rock and roll, I don’t wanna go to heaven, Randy mcnally, raging on a Sunday, feed the machine

Read a book or watch a show with me and talk about thoughts/theories

Walmart parking lots, boba shops, the back of the library, anywhere at three am, treehouses

Band tees, patch work jeans, knee high pride socks and platform docs

Road work ahead? Uh yeah I sure hope it does, I said whoever threw that paper your moms a hoe, whaddup I’m Jared im 19 and I never learned how to fucking read, I don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets, it is Wednesday my dudes

Fuck if I know

JG Wentworth, 877 cash now

00:30

Grumpy cat

Duffel

Mix em together

Lemon cake

We had a bench that we carved the names of every kid that ever died there into, it was half full when I got there, and three quarters full when I left

My mum

Pants pockets

Hoodie

Peach

Fantasy

Boxers

Pepper Jack

Raspberry

Kindness is punk as fuck, be punk as fuck

It was my friends, we were drinking boba and trading gifts on Christmas, I don’t remember what anyone said or even what the gifts were, but I remember we were sharing food and I laughed harder than I had in a long long time, I was in a bad place but for a few hours they made it all so much better

School and finding a better job, dealing with my family, but things are better than they used to be

Courier

Hard

How not to burn myself

Pied piper

Christmas Potluck, my roommates and I for years now always get together on Christmas to share food and gifts

My bad eyesight, chronic joint pain, being queer and nonbinary

I’m flexible, can draw good sometimes, can write good sometimes, can read fast

A raised eyebrow and a sigh of derision

Shounen, bleach or Naruto style, but I don’t want to be a main character, I just wanna be the side character that shows up sometimes as a plot device to help the other characters while also being an ass and calling them idiots

No mourners no funerals

I don’t know, I see pieces of myself in most characters

Don’t threaten me with a good time, raging on a Sunday, American horror show, emperors new groove, verbatim

Cool math games had a choke hold on me

Wrecked my bike when I was younger, the front of both knees are basically all scar tissue now

I like wisteria and sunflowers

This cat head necklace my mum found at a fair once

Artificial grape flavouring, goes for medicine too

Hippos are more closely related to dolphins than any other species

Right

Paisley

Math

Raspberry, lime, vanilla, ginger, and cream soda

Six or seven

Six or seven

Cheesy mashed potatoes or fries with ranch

Aloe

I’ve had both, gas station coffee wins

School ID

Jewel tones

Fireflies

Console

Drawing

Talk radio

Polly pocket

Mythology

Cupcakes

Losing my mind

Writing a book

I don’t know

I got put in an archery club by accident when the school put me in the wrong class couldn’t switch cause all the other classes were too full, five years later and I was competing nationally with my two best friends one of which became my roommate

Fairy lights

Of course

Fall

Spotify

A beautiful sunset at the beach, I’m fucking with you it’s a rotating image of the aroace flag that says “fuck? No” in Burbank condensed

4

Edwardian for fashion, 80’s for music, Twenties for vibes, 60’s for rights, and Han dynasty for fuck yeah

weird asks that say a lot

in

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

12. name of your favorite playlist?

13. lanyard or key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

18. ideal weather?

19. sleeping position?

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

21. obsession from childhood?

22. role model?

23. strange habits?

24. favorite crystal?

25. first song you remember hearing?

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

28. five songs to describe you?

29. best way to bond with you?

30. places that you find sacred?

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

32. top five favorite vines?

33. most used phrase in your phone?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

35. average time you fall asleep?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

38. lemonade or tea?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

41. last person you texted?

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

44. favorite scent for soap?

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

47. favorite type of cheese?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

51. current stresses?

52. favorite font?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

54. what did you learn from your first job?

55. favorite fairy tale?

56. favorite tradition?

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

62. seven characters you relate to?

63. five songs that would play in your club?

64. favorite website from your childhood?

65. any permanent scars?

66. favorite flower(s)?

67. good luck charms?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

70. left or right handed?

71. least favorite pattern?

72. worst subject?

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

84. podcasts or talk radio?

84. barbie or polly pocket?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

88. your greatest wish?

89. who would you put before everyone else?

90. luckiest mistake?

91. boxes or bags?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

93. nicknames?

94. favorite season?

95. favorite app on your phone?

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

98. favorite historical era?

[sukirichi]

— there’s always a price to pay when you get your hands on a work of art.

PAIRING: tattoo! artist megumi x reader

REQUEST. tattoo artist au + mutual pining + size kink, praise kink, thigh riding + reader is shorter than megumi and isn’t shy 

WARNINGS: feral megumi, scratching, vaginal sex, size kink, praise kink, mature content, slight overstimulation, sexual tension lol, unedited story

NOTES: ah thank you so much for this request, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Here is my third contribution for FERAL MEGUMI FRIDAYS! and oh wow tattoo artist megumi uh no thoughts head empty

WC: 5.4k+

The tattoo saloon loomed over you, the neon signs almost blinding in the darkness. You could feel your heart pick up its pace in your chest as you hitched your bag up higher, the excitement settling in your toes. Mustering up the brightest smile you could have, you cleared your throat and pushed the door open, the tiny bell on top jingling to signal your arrival.

Your eyes roamed around the walls covered with intricate drawings, the leather seats dark and kept in pristine. Now that was rare – your leather couches always wore out in just a few weeks.

Making your way inside, grip on your sling bag still tight, you bit your lip as you peaked behind the counter. Empty. No one was there, and the nearby opened rooms were empty as well. Scratching your head, you scrunched your nose in confusion. You were sure you got the right place.

With a heavy sigh, you turned to leave, then stopped in your tracks when a dark-haired man exited a door you hadn’t even noticed at first.

He was tall – taller than you; his arms stretched until the sleeves of his black hoodie were pulled down, revealing a sliver of black tattoos that marked his skin. Upon hearing your awed gasp, his cold blue eyes fluttered to yours, the man – who was absolutely handsome despite his frown – froze in his spot.

You waved a hand to him, your smile bigger than ever. “Hi!” So you would be working with this cute guy? Maybe job-hunting wasn’t such a bad experience, after all.

“Hey,” he drawled out hesitantly, approaching you with his ink stained fingers pointed at you. He was still frowning, which was a damn shame, since you were sure he’d look even hotter if he smiled. “So...you’re Y/N.”

“Yeah!”

“And you...” he tilted his head to the side, inquisitive eyes studying your form. You would’ve felt conscious with the way his brows furrowed, eyes unreadable and lips pressed into a thin line, but you were sure you dressed to impress on your first interview. You admitted, however, that maybe wearing a white collared shirt with a pink tennis skirt made you stand out like a sore thumb in the heaviness of the studio. “...want to be a front desk man here?”

“Yeah!”

“What makes you think you’re qualified for this?” he crossed his arms on his chest, and you didn’t miss the slight bite of his voice. So he was handsome – but cranky. Great. “You don’t look like you fit in here.”

“Judging someone’s appearance and inferring that it has any relation to their credentials isn’t such a professional thing to do, you know,” you raised your chin proudly, jutting a pointer finger to his chest. He clearly didn’t expect this because he scowled and took a step back, while you fought the grin that threatened to paint your face. “Would you like it if people told you that you’re not qualified to be a lawyer because of your tattoos and piercings?”

He scoffed, “I don’t want to be a lawyer. As you can see, I’m a tattoo artist. And to answer your question, no, I don’t give a fuck what people think about me.”

“I can tell,” you muttered to yourself before smiling back up at him. He was too easy to read; his brow quivering and lips firm at your faux enthusiasm. “But yes, I do believe I’m qualified! I’m a fast learner and I’m even quick on my feet! I’m really good at talking to people too so I believe I can help schedule client appointments really well and guide them with this whole process.”

“Being front desk man doesn’t mean serving the clients tea and biscuits.”

“I know.”

“You know?” he snorted with a roll of his eyes. He then gestured you to follow him all the way back to the front desk. You expected he’d teach you about how to handle the appointment books or pick up phone calls, but instead he plopped down on the leather couch of the waiting area, his legs crossed on top of the other.

Your eyes followed the patch of pale skin exposed from his ripped jeans before you looked away, not wanting him to see that you found him attractive despite his less than welcoming personality.

“What exactly do you know about this industry?”

“Nothing, to be honest, but I’m not here to be a tattoo artist or anything. I just really need a job and I assure you I’ve got plenty of experience and knowledge when it comes to manning front desks or counters,” you stated confidently, “I know I look out of place, but I really need this job.”

The man only narrowed his eyes at you. Contemplation was written all over his face, probably wondering why you couldn’t just work somewhere else. “Why come here, of all places?”

“Because it’s the only one that has a flexible schedule,” you sighed, “I can’t work shifts anymore because I’m too busy at university. From when I talked to your boss – Geto, was it? – he said that the salon was open 24/7 and I could work until before my classes start. He’s not really strict about that kind of thing.”

“So you mean to tell me,” he leaned forwards, looping his fingers with one another while his ice cold gaze slithered over your desperate ones. “You’ll be at university for half the day, sleep until midnight, and then come here to work and attend class a few hours later? Isn’t your schedule a little irregular?”

“Oh no, it’s not like that! I also have mock classes after uni and it lasts until late at night, then I help clean at the local shelter. They’re running out of volunteers and the dogs are really adorable and take my stress away so...I make sure to come by when I have time.”

“You are one odd creature,” he noted loudly, almost as if he wasn’t completely aware he vocalized his thoughts. Well, at least now you knew he wasn’t the type to think his words over, which either made him more entertaining – or insufferable the longer you worked with him – if you began working anyway. “You could’ve used your spare time to rest. Do you even eat?”

“Yeah, I have a granola bar right now with me! I actually brought two,” you pulled out the snack from your bag, “You want some? I only got the oats, though.”

“Keep it to yourself,” he rolled his eyes, slapping his hands over his knees before rummaging over something behind the counter. “Fine. If Geto said he’s okay with you, then you’re hired.”

“Really, that easy?” your eyes widened, but then you chuckled when this strange man glared at you in response. He sighed as he pulled out a piece of paper, a pen on top of it. The papers read something about application forms and credentials, and you beamed, happily writing your information away with a slight bounce in your toes.

Unable to keep your happiness to yourself, you looked back at the bored man, wiggling your eyebrows playfully. “Huh. I was kind of expecting you would grill me – you’ve got that scary look in your eye. Let me guess, you often scare clients off?”

It seemed he could never get tired of glaring at you, because his eyes fuelled with heat as he leaned against the wall.

You hated to admit that he looked ridiculously handsome like that – the guy wasn’t even doing anything remotely attractive in the first place!

“I’m the most booked artist here, and I ask that you don’t get too comfortable with me. You haven’t even started working here and you’re already riling up on my train,” he groaned when you merely laughed in response. He made quick work of signing something in your form before handing you a key. “Here’s for your locker. Come to work tomorrow. Geto won’t be around for a week so I’ll be the one judging your performance. If you fuck up in the slightest – I won’t hesitate to fire you, you understand? We always have Yuuji coming around anyway, you’re really not that needed for the front desk.”

“Oh,” you nodded at his harshness, unsure whether to feel threatened or amused. “O-okay. I’ll do my best then. I look forward to you – ah, wait, what’s your name?”

“Fushiguro Megumi.”

“Oh, that’s a pretty name,” you muttered to yourself, uttering his name over and over again until it rolled smoothly on your tongue. “Shame you have a shitty attitude along with that handsome face, though.”

“You trying to say something?”

You faced him, about to laugh when he scowled at your not-so-subtle comments. Waving your hands to him, you made your way out the door, your smile only irritating him further. “No, I wasn’t. I’ll be taking my leave then – see you tomorrow!”

Seems like working in a tattoo studio wouldn’t be so bad.

You came to work the next day early and pumped with adrenaline. The idea of meeting the moody tattoo artist caused you to be giggly and happy the whole day, not even feeling the exhaustion of a long day of hard work as you made your way inside the shop.

Clocking in at exactly two in the morning, you proudly tugged your name badge on top of your left breast, patting it for good luck.

The bells jingled, making you look away from your tag. “Good morning – oh, where’s Megumi?” The man standing in front of you was taller than Megumi, his head nearly knocking over the doorframe if it wasn’t for his poor, slouched lanky frame.

He had white hair that brushed atop his cerulean blue eyes, and your eyes widened because wow, he was beautiful.

“Hey, you must be Y/N! Megumi told me you came around yesterday but he didn’t tell me the counter girl was this pretty,” He was in front of you the next second, his nose nearly grazing over yours that had you leaning back into the wall for space. “Hmm...he didn’t tell me that at all.”

“Oh, thank you. You are...?”

“I’m Gojo Satoru, one of the senior artists here. Since Megumi isn’t here yet, let me give you a tour!” Before you could react, Satoru already had an arm wrapped around your shoulder, his other arm waving and pointing to all the hung paintings and labels on each door. You found it odd that he treated you like you were an old friend, but you weren’t going to complain. Nice co-workers were always welcomed.

“Here is the holding area where clients wait to get their session done. This is Geto’s studio and right next to that is his office where he does all the finances and all that jazz, while this is my studio. Cool, isn’t it?”

Your mouth fell ajar as Satoru led you inside his studio, the walls painted the same aquatic shade of his eyes, but what caught your attention was the galaxy themed tattoo designs he made. They came in different shapes – a volcano head, a dragon, a worm, a four-armed monster – but inside them were all galaxies with sparkling and burning stars. You could see everything and nothing all at the same time.

“Whoa, you made all this?!”

Satoru’s chest puffed out proudly, “Yeah, I did. I’m flattered by your reaction, I really am, but you haven’t seen Megumi’s yet. There’s a reason our salon boomed even though he’s only been working here for two years.”

At the mention of his name, your interest was piqued, all ears and curious smiles directed to Satoru. “Oh, can I see Megumi’s studio?”

“You can – if you book an appointment.”

“But I don’t plan on getting any tattoos,” you frowned.

“You’ll never get to see his work then,” he chuckled to himself, the sound growing louder when you visibly deflated. What was the point of getting your hopes up like that then? “Megumi doesn’t like letting others in his studio without permission or an appointment.”

“Why not?”

“He’s just iffy about it,” he shrugged, “Don’t bother trying to decode his personality anymore, Megumi’s very hard to understand. Though if I were to make sense of it...” he rubbed his chin, eyes looking out into the distance. “I guess you could say Megumi’s not the type to be showy when it comes to his work of art. Did that clear it up?”

You blinked back blankly. “No, not really. But it’s fine – I don’t plan on getting to know him anyway.”

That was the biggest lie of your life.

The moment Megumi came around a few minutes later, a loud groan upon your animated greeting over his arrival, your chest bloomed with a different kind of fluttery warmth. He rarely came out after that, clients swarming in to both his and Satoru’s studios, but each faint glimpse of his door cracking open that allowed you to see him focused as he worked, you could no longer deny the heat burning down your legs.

You crushed on the grumpy tattoo artist.

And the more you came around work, greeting him zealously and teasing him to no end that he’d look hotter if he smiled, your crush only intensified for him – completely unaware that he too, couldn’t get his thoughts off of you even with his door closed.

In fact, he kept his door closed all the time because your voice distracted him too much.

“Hey, Y/N, you free?”

You looked up from the textbook you were reviewing, slamming it shut when Satoru’s head peeked out from his studio. He was still wearing gloves with a pen between his fingers, most likely still in the middle of a session.

“Yep! We don’t have appointments yet and I’ve already closed it for non-appointees. Did you need me to get you something?”

“Yeah, could you get Megumi for me? He isn’t picking his phone up and one of our special clients are coming soon. I’m packed right now so I can’t fetch him. I’ll send you the address and you get him, yeah? Just open the counter if you need money for a cab.”

You blinked owlishly at him. On one side, you’d be more than glad to see Megumi again. He hadn’t arrived despite it being four in the morning already, and you were worried, but you also didn’t have his number to ask how he was doing. Progress with Megumi was...slow, to say the least.

He still holed himself up in his studio, coming out only for bathroom breaks, although you noticed a drastic improvement when he finally began to mutter an almost shy “good morning” under his breath for the past few weeks.

It wasn’t much, but you’d have to make do.

“Uhm, when is this client of his coming? Should I run...?”

“Yeah, you need to fucking run. They’re coming in an hour and a half!” Satoru exclaimed, flailing his hands around like a madman.

Even after working with him for some time, you still couldn’t believe the older man was practically a man child, even asking for head pats sometimes. He would lean down with a pout, using a squeaky voice to call your attention, which always succeeded in Megumi fake gagging before he locked himself inside his studio.

“Forwarded you his address. Really sorry for the inconvenience, Y/N!”

“It’s okay!” you jumped out of your seat in an instant, not bothering to take your name tag off anymore as you left the salon, hailing the nearest cab.

Megumi lived quite far from the salon, which had you wondering why he chose to work there when there were plenty of salons in his area too. His place looked shady, as well, his apartment in a high-rise building with endless graffiti and several drunk stragglers hooting for you.

You ignored them all, taking two steps at a time from his staircase, your hands on your knees as you panted for air. Why did he have to live on the tenth floor?

“Megumi! Megumi!” you banged your fist on the door, throat parched from your sudden cardio session. You were sure you burned ten calories just from that sprint, and you sighed in relief when Megumi swung the door open, still looking handsome – and sleep-deprived – as ever in his black shirt and black skinny jeans.

“What?” he demanded. After seeing that it was you, he quickly snatched a water bottle and passed it your way, closing his door behind him. “Y/N? What are you doing here? How’d you know where I live?”

“Satoru said you had a really important client. You weren’t picking your phone up so he sent me to come get you.”

“It’s my day off,” he grumbled, answering your silent questions, your worries dissipating into thin air. Once you’d satisfied yourself by basically dunking the entire bottle, Megumi rolled his eyes, his hands flat on the small of your back while he guided you downstairs. The sudden touch flamed your cheeks; a stupid smile on your face. You were shameless, though, leaning back closer to him in the darkness of the early morning. “Why does he send a girl out of all people?”

“Something wrong with that?”

“It’s unsafe. My neighbourhood isn’t the best and who knows what would’ve happened to you if some goons came out?” Megumi hailed for a back, surprising you when he let you get in first and paid for the fee despite your outstretched hand prepared with the bills. “I can’t believe Sukuna chose this day to come of all times. I can never get a damn break.”

“Sukuna?”

“A special client. He’s a really huge tipper and comes on odd schedules – I didn’t think he’d come now.”

“Yeah, I checked the papers and he wasn’t there,” you frowned to yourself.

Megumi pressed his head against the window, eyes closed as his chest heaved up and down rhythmically. With the sun slowly shining from behind you, the golden stretches of it outlined his sharp features you adored, and you rested your chin on your palms, eyelashes fluttering at his beauty. “You know, Megumi, you’re really pissy sometimes – but you’re quite nice, aren’t you? I’d say you were even worried for me.”

He cracked one eye open, those blue eyes still shining with irritation, but make no mistake since his ears were flushed red. “I’m not. I just don’t want to be involved in a police investigation if they find your body near here.”

“How sweet of you.”

“Shut up.”

You and Megumi were beginning to get closer. You couldn’t pinpoint where he started to grow more comfortable with you, but it was definitely there and it was painfully evident that even someone stupid like Satoru noticed the sexual between you two.

He would always sniff the air whenever you and Megumi sat next to each other during lunch breaks, a wide grin on your face while Megumi buried his face in his hands, groaning because he knew the moment Satoru opened his mouth, nothing but dumb comments would come out. And dumb comments they were; the white-haired man merciless as he teased Megumi for acting like a cute little kid around you.

You never took it to heart, though. It was Megumi you were talking about; he was hot and cold; sweet then distant from one moment then an entire person the next.

Not that you minded, it only added to your fuelling crush on him, but you couldn’t control the way your heart fluttered every time Satoru whispered that he did like you, excusing that Megumi just wasn’t the best with words. Apparently, Megumi had spent too much time holed up in his apartment and studio that he had zero to little knowledge on how to talk to pretty girls – especially one that was clearly attracted to him as well.

Satoru encouraged you to go for it – that you should confess or break the ice first otherwise Megumi would never do anything about his raging boner every time you came around.

You only flushed at his statement, but you couldn’t deny that you too felt the same way.

One morning where Satoru and Geto were out restocking supplies, you and Megumi were left alone in the salon. Of course, he still resorted in the comfort of his studio, muttering under his breath that he wanted to try some designs before disappearing. Only this time, he left the door slightly open, the lights peeking through the slight crack.

Walking up to him with muted footsteps, you leaned over his shoulder, glancing over a sketch of...you? “Are you drawing me?”

Megumi yelped at your voice right next to his ear, throwing the paper away on the other side of the room before glaring at you. You laughed at his reaction, because how was it possible he was both so criminally sexy yet adorable? He looked terribly gorgeous today, as well, wearing a short sleeved black hoodie and black sweatpants, looking so comfortable and boyfriend like – and you couldn’t even begin to express your appreciation over his new lip piercing.

“Why do you always sneak up on me?” he snapped, “Didn’t I tell you I wanted privacy?”

“Then why aren’t you pushing me away?”

Megumi sighed exasperatedly, turning back to organize his pencils before glaring at you. “What do you want? Got no one else to bother since Satoru isn’t around?”

“I just wanted to see your art,” you mentioned, but kept your eyes directed on him instead of the plethora of sketches and designs hanging from his wall as to not offend him. “Satoru told me to never come inside. He said you’re really...private when it comes to your works,” you furrowed your brows at the last part, feeling your heart beat pulse at your tongue.

It was now or never.

“Can I see your tattoos too?”

“Why do you want to see them?”

“A work of art on a canvas who’s also a work of art himself?” you finally gained confidence to tease him again, getting riled up further when Megumi stiffened at your curious hands travelling under his shirt. His breath sharpened as his glare only deepened, though he didn’t make a move to stop you. “Why wouldn’t I want to see that?”

“Being flirty doesn’t work on you. It’s not cute.”

“You’re blushing though,” you remarked. Megumi groaned and pushed your face away until your buttocks landed on his recliner. Satisfied with Megumi not completely kicking you out, you swung your legs back and forth, still staring at his hoodie as if it was an offensive material.

“Can I...see?” Megumi rolled his eyes before he lifted his shirt up, revealing to you intricate patches of black ink splattered over ripples of muscles. Your mouth salivated, and somewhere down there, you drooled too. Tentatively, your hands reached out to finger the image of canines, Megumi shuddering over your cold touch on his warm skin. “It’s beautiful. What does it mean?”

Megumi pursed his lips before whispering, “These are the dogs I had as a child. My father got me them so I wouldn’t be too lonely when he’s away from work.”

“They’re very pretty. They look like black and white wolves,” you smiled, elated that he was opening up in more ways than one. Your touch flitted over to a winged creature under his left collarbone, small letters beside the image. “And this bird? Nue? He’s so majestic,” Your hands never stopped in trailing over his skin like a lost wanderer, sweeping over ink ink until Megumi completely discarded his hoodie to the side, his back faced to you.

A white viper tattoo stood large on his broad back, crawling until over his shoulder with the fangs ending just above his pecs. Megumi swallowed at each slivering touch, your fingers dipping and caressing every dent and curve of his body.

You couldn’t get your eyes off of him, your breath hitching in your throat as one of your hands gripped his biceps subconsciously. “You’re so beautiful.”

Megumi stiffened when your thumbs grazed over his nipple right next to the viper’s fang. Almost as if a switch was triggered inside him, Megumi growled, ducking to capture your lips with his in a sloppy, heated kiss. His hands tugged at the ends of your hair to arch your neck to him, his knees slapping your legs open before he settled comfortably between you, his low groans mixing with your breath moans.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. From the moment I met you,” he nibbled your lips, hands trailing down to thumb at your hipbones. “I knew that innocent good girl look was nothing but an act.”

You smiled through the kiss, a tiny gasp falling from your lips when Megumi pulled you closer until your heat grinded against the hardness inside his pants. Laughing at his harsh movements, you let Megumi tilt your head back, his lips sucking and teeth gently nipping at the sensitive flesh of your neck.

“Innocent girl?” you echoed, legs now wrapped around his waist to pull him closer. “What makes you think I am?”

“White lace panties? Short tennis skirts and sunshine smiles?” Megumi clenched his teeth, his hands eager as he tugged the white lace down until it looped to your ankles. You gasped, back arching when he thrusted two fingers inside you, curling and fingering against your bumpy walls. “You’re not fooling anyone, baby, especially not me.”

“Took you long enough to understand I wanted you though,” you chuckled through broken moans, eyes shut tight while your legs opened wider, heels digging into the hard cushion of his seats. “I was wondering when I’d get to break you from that tough guy act of yours and have you fuck me good,” Megumi growled at your words. You leaned forward to scratch at his chest, your tongue licking the shell of your ear as you rasped, “And on a side note, I am a good girl – only to those who can make me feel good, of course.”

Megumi cupped his palm to collect your arousal dripping of his, finally shutting you up when his fingers grazed over your sweet spot that had you clenching around him. And those were just his fingers. “You’re something else, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I know,” you nodded smugly, hands coming up to tug harshly at his hair. Megumi hissed at the sharp pain, prompting him to fuck his fingers in and out of you faster until you leaked down to his chair, thighs trembling and your high-pitched moans coating the walls of his stupid. “Megumi, ah! Just shut up and fuck me already – been wanting you long enough.”

“Needy little girl,” He pressed you down on the reclining seat, settling between your legs before he spread your lips open with two thumbs. At the sight of your bare cunt clenching around nothing, Megumi groaned, teeth biting his lip because he could cum right then and there. “Fuck, look at you. So wet already,” he ran a hand over your slit to collect your arousal, eyes dark with lust as your juices webbed between his fingers. “All this for me? You’re so good.”

“Fuck – yeah, yeah I am,” you leaned back harder into the seat, groping at your own breasts while you nodded dumbly, too fucked out to even form a coherent response. “Going to be good for you, Megumi, gonna make you feel good.”

“Sorry, babe, maybe next time. I’m too impatient to not feel your pussy around me,” he pushed away at your hands that planned to pump his cock, his hand coming down to push you hard against the seat until his weight loomed over you.

You felt Megumi begin to align his tip at your center, dampening his mushroom head with your arousal first that had you both moaning left and right.

Hands scratching down his back as your teeth dug into your lips, Megumi pushed into you with one thrust, the sudden stretch making your legs shake and your body writhe underneath him. “Shit, why are you so tight? So fucking warm and perfect,” he rasped next to your ear, and you could hear how hard he was breathing as he thrusted into you, his cock hitting all the right places.  “Could fuck this pretty pussy all day, baby, shit.”

“Me-Megumi – t-too big!”

“Shh, you’ll be fine. You’ll take it like a good girl, won’t you?” he cupped your cheek, grinning sinisterly as he watched the way your greedy walls sucked him in. “See how you take me so well? You’re so small and pretty wrapped around my cock. I could break you if I wanted you,” he growled, his hands gripping hard at your hips when you clenched around him, enticing the man above you to quicken his pace.

Megumi watched with a lust filled gaze as your breasts bounced at the relentless pace he started, his balls slapping at your ass. “Oh, you’d want that, wouldn’t you? You want to be stuffed with my fat cock in you? Fuck you until you’re a drooling mess? You’re so gorgeous when I fuck you stupid.”

“Yes, Megumi, agh. Keep going, keep going, I’m so close!”

“Oh, you feel like heaven around me,” he praised at your neck, his cock stretching you wide and pushing into you. Megumi groaned lowly at your ear as his palms flattened over your stomach that bulged every time he thrusted in, his balls tightening at the sight. “Look at how big I am for you, baby, but you’re doing so well. You were made for me – made to take my cock, shit, you’re so perfect around me. Gonna make you feel good, yeah? You’re such a good girl for me. Cum, baby, that’s right – I’m allowing you to cum.”

“Gumi, Gumi, fuckkk,” your legs tightened around him as Megumi panted with each harsh thrust, the black marks over his skin expanding and stretch when his forearm rested beside your head. His muscles clenched as he fucked into you deep, over and over again until he pushed you over the edge.

A silent sob left your lips when you came around him, your juices creaming around his cock. A few thrusts later, Megumi fell on top of you as you felt him spill his seed inside you.

He had too much that you felt both your cum dripping down your ass; Megumi pulling out with a slight wince from the oversensitivity. You struggled to catch your breath as you laid there, legs wide open and the cool air hitting your bare pussy. The door was still open, and Satoru and Geto could walk in on you both looking like this, but you couldn’t care, not when you could barely feel your legs.

You dropped your arm over your face, hearing Megumi pull his pants back up. “That was...”

“Intense?”

“Yeah,” you chuckled, wincing as you sat up. Your hair stuck to your forehead in sweaty clumps, dawning on you now that you were still very much covered in your sticky cum. You recoiled from the seats as you realized Megumi hadn’t even put on a towel underneath.

“Shit. Is this chair even clean?”

“I sanitize it every after session. Don’t worry about it,” he rolled his eyes, his tattoos covered and hidden from your sight once more when he pulled his hoodie over his head. Megumi retrieved a clean towel from his drawers and wiped at your sensitive pussy, your legs immediately closing around his hands when the towel accidentally grazed your clit.

Megumi gripped your knees with a silent glare. “Stay still. I’m cleaning you up.”

“I didn’t peg you as an aftercare guy. Thought you would leave me hanging here,” you teased, but really, you were feeling warm all over again as you watched Megumi wipe you all the way down to your other hole, your legs still tensing up.

Once he left to wash his hands, you could relax, tugging your panties back up with immense struggle. He wasn’t kidding when he said he’d fuck you good – you could barely feel your legs now.

“And have you make a mess by ruining my seat?” he sighed as he returned, helping you seady yourself while he snapped the slightly soaked panty back to your core. “No thanks.”

“You’re so mean, Megumi. I’m hurt.”

He rolled his eyes at your pout, leaning down to kiss you square on the lips. This time around, the kiss wasn’t rushed; it was slow and sensual, firm yet gentle, and his hands carefully massaged your sore hips that would soon bruise from his grip before.

“No, you’re not,” he mumbled through your lips, mimicking that lovesick smile on your face as he pulled away. “But babe, you know the rules. Now that you’ve seen my work of art – what tattoo would you like me to give you? My name on your inner thigh?”

[yourlmanburg]

and i'll be here, my love // c!dream x gn!reader

word count: 1,781

summary: you finally cave in to your emotions and visit your boyfriend in prison

request?: thank you anon!! i really enjoyed this one :D

this fic takes place after dream kills/revives tommy but before quackity's visit!! also i proofread like half of it pls forgive any mistakes

---

You thought you were ready, you thought you could handle seeing him again. You really did.

Turns out you were very, very wrong.

When you turned up to Sam's place in tears, begging to be allowed to see your partner in the prison that he was in charge of, he was shocked to say the least - but even so he found himself without a reason to deny your desperate request. And so today was the day; you were going to see Dream for the first time in two months.

A lot had happened since the last time you saw him. You'd always worked alongside Dream and everybody knew that, yet he was the one who faced the severe consequences. You didn't care about the fact that he killed Tommy. In fact, you were happy about it! He deserved it. Annoying little bastard. But there was something that just didn't feel right about the thought of visiting him and it stopped you for this long, but you refused to let the thoughts get in the way any longer.

You made your way through the Nether Portal on Sam's command, shaking like a delicate autumn leaf on a windy day. You gave the creeper hybrid a forced smile as you approached him, your heart racing faster than ever and your palms clammy.

“Hi.” you greeted, and Sam smiled back sympathetically.

“Hello,” he replied, his voice plain. This is what must be known as his Warden State. “I just have a few questions to ask before we get started, is that okay?” you simply nodded in response, expecting the worst as per usual. “Alright, when was the last time you visited the prison?”

“This is my first time.”

“Where is your place of residence located?”

“I don’t, uh, I don’t really live anywhere.” you admitted with a pink tint to your face, you’d been so caught up in what was going on that you just didn’t think to build yourself a house. It’s not like you needed one, anyways.

“Mhm, okay. Do you believe the prisoner is deserving of being locked up?” well shit. How the fuck were you mean to answer this? Of course Dream didn’t deserve this! You weren’t stupid; you’d noticed how tense Sam had been around you, especially after you completely revealed yourself to be not only on Dream’s side, but his significant other, too.

“Yeah, yeah I do.” you lied. “Despite the feelings I hold towards him, the things he did are truly unforgivable and that’s why I’m here today; I need to talk things through with him.” probably the best to add that in for good measure. Sam nodded and you could see his shoulders sink a little, great - you were beginning to get on his good side, you hoped at least.

Look, it’s not like you were oblivious to the fact that you were a bad guy. If anything, you loved it, and you loved Dream! You two were a pair, and there was nothing that could come between you, not even what he did… you struggled to admit to yourself that what he did was going a little bit too far. But this must be part of some greater plan that you didn’t know of yet, it must be! Surely he wouldn’t do these things for nothing?

“And what are all your prior relations with the prisoner?”

“A friend then a lover. Perhaps an enemy - we’ll see how this goes.”

“Right. Are you willing to submit to any and all physical exams?” you nodded your head once again, aching to be in the arms of your lover once more. Even if it meant living a lie, telling everyone you’d moved on and you never wanted to speak to him again, you’d do it. For him. “Do you acknowledge that you may not bring anything into the prison with you?” “I do.”

“And do you recognise that I, Awesamdude, am the ultimate authority on the grounds and what I say goes?”

“I do.”

“Okay,” he said, dragging out the “o” as he finished scribbling down your answers in his book. He then placed another book on the lectern in front of you, asking you to read through the waiver out loud and then to sign it, which you did. Once the waiver was signed and you were ready to go, Sam instructed you to place all of your belongings in the locker to your left and you complied, trying to be as fast as possible so you could see Dream a little bit sooner.

You were then faced with many aforementioned physical examinations to make sure you were not a threat to the safety of anyone (which you weren’t) and it was finally, finally time to lower the bubbling lava surrounding the main holding cell. The cell that he was in.

You couldn’t lie, you were absolutely shitting yourself. It had been two months since you and Dream had last seen each other, and as far as you were aware he didn’t know you were visiting today. What if he was mad at you for leaving it this long? What if he’d fallen out of love with you? What if-

“Make sure you move with the bridge, okay?” your spiralling panic was thankfully interrupted by Sam and you looked up from the spot on the floor which you zoned out on, to see an awfully familiar green hoodie paired with ripped blue jeans, to see him.

And funnily enough, the segment of the stone floor you were standing on began to move. You wobbled a bit at first which panicked Sam a little, he couldn’t stand being responsible for a second death, but you regained your balance and felt the nerves rise up as you neared the cell. He was there. He was waiting.

You stepped off the platform once it reached the obsidian, waiting for the barrier to be lowered.

“Y/n?” was all he said, his eyes filling up with tears as the lava was lowered once more.

“Dream!” you exclaimed in glee, hopping over the barrier to be engulfed in his warm hug. You could feel his bones through the ripped green hoodie he was wearing and his mask was in anything but a good state, his dirty blond hair had grown out a lot and the bags beneath his eyes were more prominent than ever. You decided not to mention any of the alarming things you noticed though, taking note of the very little space and furniture he’d been living with. To think this is what he’d been dealing with while you had no idea… you felt terrible. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been okay, I’ve been okay. Decided to do a little experiment on Tommy, did you hear about it?” he asked excitedly, a genuine grin painted across his face.

“Have I? It’s been the talk of the town! Everyone fucking hates you for that, you know.” “Everyone?” “Almost everyone. The Eggpire celebrated the news and Puffy was livid about it, and acting as if I cared was more exhausting than it sounds. You did a good deed honey, you really did.” you said with an honest smile, properly looking Dream in the eyes for the first time in a long time.

His green irises stood out as always, piercing through your own e/c eyes. There was a hint of desperation in them, it was as if they were screaming at you to let him out of this absolute hellhole of a place. You couldn’t blame him, really - what did he have? A cauldron of water, a chest and a lectern with an empty book placed on it. Your heart ached for the man who stood before you, you wanted nothing more than to get him out of this horrid place.

“Great!” he said with enthusiasm in his voice - but something was off, it was more than obvious.

“Dream, love,” your eyes softened as you spoke, taking his hand in your own and gently rubbing your thumb along his knuckles. You adjusted his mask so you could see his face properly with your other hand before tracing it across a fresh scar that reached right from his eyebrow to his chin, but that was a topic for another conversation. “Tell me the truth now, how are you holding up in here?” the smile he held faltered as he looked towards the floor, the grip you had on his hand tightening ever so slightly.

“It’s not too bad, I guess. Just tiring, y’know? All I have to eat is raw potatoes and that’s the only reason Sam ever comes to visit me. I used to have a clock, too, multiple actually, I’d always throw them in the lava so he’d come and give me a new one and he’d be forced to visit me, but I’m not allowed another one now. Tommy’s come to see me a few times, but you already know that, and Sapnap’s been and he said he’d kill me and Bad’s also been and he was the only person who’s been nice to me, besides you of course, and Sam hates me and everything’s just been a mess and-”

“Shhh,” you ever so gently placed a tender finger over his lips, stopping him from spiralling. “Breathe with me, okay? You’re panicking again.” you took Dream through a few deep breaths in and out, in and out. He began to calm down and after pulling his mask over his face to hide his tears, he pulled you into the tightest hug yet. You felt him shaking beneath your touch, and you felt absolutely terrible for him.

“Say, how about I come and visit you every day? I can whip up some lame excuse so Sam doesn’t suspect anything. I’ll come here and I’ll talk to you, I’ll keep you company and we can talk through things, because I think we can agree there’s a lot we need to go through in regards to recent events. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds great. I’m so glad I get to see you again my darling.” he cupped your cheek in his hand and you placed your own palm above his hand, clasping it and placing a soft kiss on his lips beneath his broken, white mask.

“I love you, Dream, never forget that.”

You hugged one last time before calling for Sam, assuring him that you’d be back tomorrow. And you were, and again the next day, and the day after that, and so on and so forth. The love you had for Dream was endless and you were forever grateful that he trusted you enough to see him like that.

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust pt.7 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: It’s the night of the party and Y/N is having seconds thoughts about going but her friend Kim convinces her to go and have fun. While things get more complicated with Peter, Y/N and Josh get closer at the party. 

Word Count: MF 7.7K ( This is my longest piece I-)

Author’s note: YALL HERE WE ARE! THE BIG OOPSIE DOOPSIE OF LOVEDUST! This is probably my favorite part that I have written so far- it’s fairly long but boy did my heart HURT. I would say we have about maybe 2-3 chapters left give or take and I’m so bummed the story is almost over :(. Thank you all for being incredibly kind, your support means so much I can’t thank you guys enough. ALSO hehe there’s a lil easter egg from the first chapter and the chapter with Y/N having a nightmare. If yall pay attention to some of the wording at the end...

Warnings: Underage drinking, adult language, angst, mentions of death

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || part seven || part eight || epilogue

You wanted it to be a normal night, one that in hindsight, would’ve worked out in your favor if you were normal to begin with. You weren’t the partying type or maybe, you just convinced yourself that it wasn’t the case since you were hardly invited to them to begin with. 

As if it made any sense, you felt eerily similar to Cinderella at this moment; even though she was one of the worst princesses in your opinion, you still sympathized with her story. The idea of wanting nothing more than to leave the confines of her dusty attic to dress pretty for a ball was something you could sadly relate to. 

While the Avengers complex was by far well above the average means, it was Cinderella longing for just one night away from her complicated life that made you see the story in a different light. 

But after years of wondering what it would be like to go to a real party (now that you were offered the chance to go) it wasn’t the way you dreamed it would be. As you stood in front of your closet, recalling the times you had put on outfits that you thought would be the perfect party attire just seemed like pieces of cloth, nothing more and nothing less. 

Because you didn’t care about the stupid party. You cared about Peter. 

You had put so much blame on him for everything; his feelings that he couldn’t control and his past which he apologized for multiple times. When you had the chance to fix everything, you were too scared to be vulnerable with him and admit that maybe you were falling for him. 

You weren’t a coward, you wanted to convince yourself that you could still move on and have fun without thinking of him but you felt almost embarrassed that you were feeling the opposite. 

“ I don’t want to go anymore. This isn’t right,” You sighed as you turned to your phone that was propped up against your dresser,” I can’t just leave him here while I go off to some party.”

You watched Kim through the facetime call as she put down her mascara to take a second to look at you,” Y/N, you have been talking about this party all week. Hell, I gave you that blue top that makes your boobs look great and you even said you couldn’t wait to wear it to the party!”

You only hummed in response as you moved aside the hangers in your closet to find the top that Kim had let you borrow. 

“ We mentally prepared for this, we watched Superbad and Booksmart in one night to get the full spectrum of high school parties and we even practiced how to play beer pong!”

“ That was on our phones, I’m sure it’s different in real life,” You sighed as you took off your shirt and slipped on Kim’s blue blouse,” I just feel awful about going to a party knowing Peter is just gonna be here all night.” 

“ Y/N, you deserve this party. You’ve worked your ass off for four years and I know how badly you wanted to go ever since we got uninvited to that one theatre party where Timothy Chalamete supposedly showed up to. I know you feel guilty about Peter and yeah, you kinda fucked things up, for now, but you deserve a goddamn break,” Kim practically yelled through the screen, doing her best to hype you up,” if you don’t go, you’re gonna regret it, you and I both know that. So just get dressed, do your hair all cute and shit, put on makeup or whatever you do and go have fun at this party with Josh.”

“ Fuck, Josh! I completely forgot about him, he’s supposed to pick me up in an hour!” You said as you suddenly felt a wave of nerves come over you,” what do I do about Josh? What if he tries to make a move on me tonight?”

“ Do you want him to make a move?”

“ I don’t know...not really but then again, I wouldn’t mind. Don’t hate me cause I know this sounds shitty, but maybe I need a distraction from Peter...is that awful?” You asked as you slipped off your pajama pants and rummaged through your dresser for jeans,” don’t answer that, I know that’s awful to say. Am I turning into a fuckboy?”

“ If you feel empathy than no, you’re not turning into a fuckboy,” Kim laughed as you found a pair of jeans to slip into,” look, I know how you feel about Peter and if you see yourself wanting to be with him than this thing you have with Josh won’t happen. At the same time, even if you do like Peter and you want to have fun with Josh for a night, you’re not a shitty person for wanting that. You’ve been through the wringer with Peter and to be honest, Josh is literally a goddamn angel so I don’t blame you for seeing him as an option. Either way, you’re hot, smart as fuck, and you are a fucking Stark; you don’t owe Peter or Josh anything so do what you want to do because you deserve it.” 

Kim was every protagonist’s wet dream; the side character who had more to offer every time and yet, she practically thrived off of hyping you up. You knew that she had a point, she always did. 

A part of you could tell which way she was leaning in terms of who you would go out with and yet, she only cared that you were making the right choice for yourself and your own happiness. 

“ You really are a ride or die friend,” You said honestly as Kim smiled back,” I’m going to get ready but I’ll see you there okay?” 

“ Will do girlfriend!”

Once the facetime call ended, you leaned back in your chair and stared at yourself in the mirror. 

You didn’t know what your intentions would be for the night and even though Kim had said you wouldn’t be a bad person if you had fun with Josh, you knew you would still feel shitty doing so, especially when you knew that you had strong feelings for Peter. 

As you fixed up your hair, all you could do was replay the conversation with Peter in the rain and how close you were to confessing everything. Looking back, you knew you were stupid for running away, if you really liked him than what was the problem of letting him know how you felt?

Because you knew once he was cured, he wouldn’t share the same feelings for you. 

In every sense of the lovedust, the way Peter felt about you wasn’t natural and yet, it was the lovedust that really made you like Peter back. 

You were just saving yourself from future heartbreak and given your past relationships, you had a reason to be hesitant in being that vulnerable with another guy. 

And yet, you still feel like you owed Peter an explanation. 

You got up from your seat and walked out of your bedroom, making a beeline towards his room. You were sure he was done with testing at this point but after knocking on his door a few times, there still wasn’t a response. 

You opened the bedroom door to find his room completely empty with everything neatly tucked in place as if he was cleaning up for a guest. 

The complex was big but you knew you would run into sometime before Josh showed up so you walked straight out and went to the elevators to make your way up to the labs. As you pressed the elevator button, you felt some unease sitting at the pit of your stomach. 

Something felt off, whether it be your natural woman inclination or just the fact that you were nervous to confront Peter. 

The elevator doors slid open and you walked in before you pressed the button to the designated floor like it was second nature.

Just breath, you’re fine, why are you freaking out?

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket and once you pulled it out, you felt your heart skip a beat when you saw Josh’s contact name pop up. 

Josh: I just left my apartment! I’ll see you in 20 min!

Your stomach shifted once again as you replied back before stuffing your phone back into your front pocket. 

Twenty minutes. 

That was enough time to confess to Peter right? 

The elevator doors opened to the lab and you walked towards the main zone with a slow pace, as if the anticipation would suddenly make you feel less nervous. 

Once you rounded the corner to where your dad and Banner were usually working on Peter, you found the room to be completely empty besides for a few lab technicians who were working rather quickly. 

You took a moment to give one last look into the lab before going down the hallway to peek into the other glass rooms to try and find Peter. You had a feeling that maybe you should’ve checked the gym before coming all the way up to the labs but once you found yourself in front of the last room, you spotted your dad and Banner walking out with grim faces. 

“ Dad? Is everything okay?” You asked as their heads whipped around to turn to you,” have you two seen Peter anywhere?” 

You studied your dad’s face carefully but he gave no inclination of what the situation was, a talent he had grown accustomed to since he was your age. You gave up on your dad and watched Banner’s face, a face you always had a talent of reading easily. 

He kept his eye contact anywhere but towards your direction and the collar around his neck was wet, a sign that he was stressed out.

“ Banner, where’s Peter?” You asked again as you looked up at him before moving your eyes toward the room they had just walked out of,” is he in there?” 

“ He’s-”

“Resting. He’s had a day full of tests so we put him in one of the hospital beds just to keep an eye on him,” Your dad interrupted as you watched Banner gulp,” it’s not a big deal kiddo.”

Liar. 

“ Okay...well if it’s not a big deal than I’m gonna go check up on him to make sure he’s okay,” You said wearily as you tried to walk in between your dad and Banner but he took a step to block you. 

“ Y/N, he’s not feeling well-”

“ Why are you lying?” You asked as you looked back at Banner,” what are you two not telling me?”

Your dad kept up the charade and sighed as if he was annoyed,” Kiddo, he’s K.O’d for the night. You know, lots of tests and meds that’ll have him relaxed for a few hours. Maybe you should check up on him tomorrow.” 

You could tell he was trying so hard to keep up the lie and while your dad was a phenomenal liar, you were smart enough to see right through his act. 

All you could do was nod as you played coy,” Okay, that’s fine. Oh! I wanted to let you know I’m going to that party tonight so I won’t be home until later.”

As you were studying Tony, he was doing the same right back at you. It was like a game of chess; who would break first, who had the upper hand, and who was going to make the next move without disrupting their own game. 

“ Alright, just be safe than. Be back before eleven,” Tony said as he patted your shoulder and started walking with you back to the elevator, his hand almost leading you away from the door,” Remember; Beer before liquor, never been sicker.”

You couldn’t take it anymore, you needed to know what was wrong with Peter. 

You stopped in your tracks as you turned around to face your dad and Banner, who was still avoiding your gaze. You knew something was up, it was painfully obvious and you weren’t going to just turn over and accept defeat. 

“ Would you ever lie to me?” You asked as your dad inhaled sharply, immediately shaking his head without a second thought,” okay.” 

You peeked your eyes back to the door and before you knew it, you ducked under your dad’s arm and ran over to the room where you were sure they were hiding Peter away. 

“ Y/N, stop!” 

You ran even faster as you practically slid against the tiled floor before throwing open the door to find Peter in the hospital bed. A huge heart monitor was connected to the side that had immediately spiked when you entered the room. 

“ Y/N? What are you doing here?” Peter asked as he sat up in his bed as your eyes traveled to several IV’S that were attached to his forearm. 

The first thing you focused on was how pale he looked. Whatever the hospital gown couldn’t cover showed almost a ghostly touch to his usual lush color. Since the lovedust, he had always had a blushful expression, accessorized with flushed cheeks or red tinted ears but now, there was none of that. 

You could hear your dad and Banner behind you but before your dad could drag you back, you could hear Banner talking your dad out of it to ‘give the kids some time.’ 

You didn’t even bother saying thank you as the door shut behind you, leaving you and Peter alone in the room. You were almost scared to come closer to him, he didn’t look like himself at all. 

You looked towards the heart monitor again which caused Peter’s heart rate to spike up with the thought alone. 

“ Tell me what happened,” You finally said as you made your way over to sit on the edge of Peter’s bed,” it’s serious, isn’t it?” 

Peter swallowed nervously but shrugged like it was nothing,” Your dad was there before anything bad happened.”

You shook your head, you weren’t going to get any information out of him like this. You turned to the side of his hospital bed and picked up a clipboard with his medical information. Peter tried grabbing it out of your hands but you stared him down, as if to say ‘ don’t try me.’ 

Peter backed down as your eyes scanned the sheet carefully, trying to decipher all of the medical lingoes that were vaguely familiar from watching Grey’s Anatomy. 

You felt your breath hitch as you read over the same diagnosis. 

“ You had an acute heartattack because of me, didn’t you?” You finally said as you carefully placed the clipboard on the desk beside you,” because of our argument... and you weren’t going to tell me.” 

“ Y/N, there was no reason to worry you-”

“ You’re so stupid Peter, why wouldn’t I be worried for you? You think an acute heartattack is something as normal as a fucking cold?” You snapped as you watched his heart rate rise. You took a deep breath and ran your fingers through your hair to calm yourself down,” I’m killing you. Loving me is literally killing you Peter.”

Peter watched your gaze fall back to the IV’S while he kept his eyes on you the whole time. You looked absolutely defeated and he didn’t blame you. The way you stared at his arm made him feel like you were trying to somehow reverse the lovedust, as if you could take his pain away. 

And yet, what you didn’t know was that Tony had just come in minutes before you to announce that yes, you could actually take the pain away forever. 

“ What about you? Is it killing you?” Peter asked as you tore your eyes away from his IV’s and locked your gaze on him.

“ Seeing you like this? Of course it’s killing me, I’m not that cruel Parker.”

“ No,” Peter swallowed dryly,” is it killing you that you might love me?” 

Your first instinct was to laugh. What kind of sick joke was coming out his mouth? You tried to force any sound, anything that was a resemblance of something from English translation but your brain mentally stuttered. 

It was as if your mind and words went on pause to let your thoughts catch up to you. Were you really that easy to read or did Peter know you better than you know yourself? 

“ How do I answer that?” You asked quietly as Peter was quick with a reply. 

“ You answer it honestly.”

“ Oh, because you have been so honest with me?”

“ You haven’t been telling me the truth either. You’re a lot of things Y/N, but you’re not innocent.” 

“ Oh yeah? What am I then? Since you clearly know so much about me,” You replied to somehow detour the conversation. 

Peter gladly took the bait as he chuckled,” You’re stubborn. You’re the most stubborn girl I have ever met in my entire life and I love that about you. It makes things interesting knowing that you don’t roll over for anyone, even when you know you’re wrong.” 

You only hummed, he had a point. You had learned that from Tony and you weren’t ashamed about it one bit. 

“ Well, I love how foolishly selfless you are. You always put everyone else’s feelings before yours even when your health is at stake,” You said back as Peter’s smile faltered. 

Oh how spot on you were. 

Cause in this moment now, Peter was between a rock and a hard place. He had information that you didn’t have, information that would seemingly fix everything and yet, he didn’t want you to know. 

The cure for the lovedust. 

“ You’re keeping something from me, aren’t you?” You said after studying his expression for a moment as Peter released his bottom lip that he was holding in between his teeth nervously. 

Yes. 

“ I think you’re the one not being honest with your feelings,” Peter said as a matter of fact,” why won’t you admit it?”

You wanted to swallow your pride because damn it, you didn’t want a repeat of earlier. You didn’t want to chicken out but could you afford to be vulnerable again?

“ Peter...I don’t want to admit anything until you’re in the right state of mind,” You finally said, which was the most honest answer you could give,” after all, we both know what you’re feeling for me isn’t the same as how I feel for you...it’s a side effect of the dust.”

Peter only nodded, even though there was so much to say to you. Peter felt like he was in a slowburn novel, but damn, even at this point there had to be more to give right? If this was a story of two people who were meant to be together, then why the hell is it taking so long? 

If Peter could have it his way, he would rewrite it to where they could be happily ever after in the first chapter but sadly, this was real life and there wasn’t that kind of luxury. 

“You’re right, it’s not the same,” Peter said bitterly as his sympathetic smile faded,” just a side effect.” 

You both understood. As things stood now, it was more of a standstill than anything. A pause, a pitstop, anything to halt whatever momentum the two of you shared.  You felt absolutely broken that he admitted it, his “love” for you wouldn’t ever be the same as however, you felt about him in that moment. 

Just like that, you both knew you were doomed from the start.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket and you already knew it was Josh. You inhaled deeply as you gave Peter’s hand a squeeze before rising from his bed,” I’m gonna go but if anything happens, call me okay?” 

“ Same goes for you. Be safe,” Peter said in almost a whisper as you nodded before turning to the door. 

You walked out of the room and leaned against the door for a moment collecting your thoughts. You ignored the gaze of Banner and your dad and seemingly walked through the two without batting an eye. 

Tony felt guilty knowing that you had caught him in a lie but he really thought he was doing his daughter a favor. Once he knew you were gone, Tony walked through the door to find Peter deep in thought. 

Tony shut the door behind him and walked over, taking a seat in the chair beside Peter’s bed. No one said anything for a moment but Peter was the one to break the silence first. 

“ I didn’t tell her about the cure. I don’t think she would even want to...” Peter admitted as Tony nodded. 

Tony crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, his mind wandering in every direction,” Good call. Thor said our time is fleeting so we need to make sure it works.” 

Peter shifted nervously in his spot,” You and Banner won’t stop finding a different cure though, right? Just in case?” 

“ Yeah, just in case.” 

                                                       -------

“ You look nervous,” Josh pointed out once the two of you pulled up into the driveway of Amber’s house,” did you want to wait a second before we walk in?” 

You shook your head as you tried to swallow any nerves that were building up in your throat. You couldn’t believe you were actually about to go to a party after everything that has been going on. 

“ No, I’m fine...It sounds stupid but I don’t really do parties so this is all kinda new,” You admitted as you took in another deep breath. 

“ It’s not stupid at all. If it makes you feel any better, I usually get pretty antsy before preforming but now that I know you’re going to watch me, I feel less nervous,” Josh smiled warmly as you started to feel your senses ease,” parties aren’t as scary as you think. Yeah, there are always a lot of people I don’t know but seeing a familiar face is always reassuring.” 

Josh had a way of calming you down that no other person could do so easily. You wondered if someone else had said the same thing to you like Kim or Peter and if it would have the same effect but maybe it was just exclusively Josh that had that sort of charm. 

“ Okay, I’m ready.”

The funny thing was, you really thought you were ready until you stepped into her house. The floor vibrated along to the beat of whatever song was blasting along the speakers and the smell of alcohol and weed felt almost suffocating. You were immediately overwhelmed with the amount of people already there and of course, you hardly recognized anyone from school. 

“ Here, hold on tight,” Josh intertwined his fingers with yours as he led you both through the crowd of teenagers almost too effortlessly. 

He led you outside and you thanked god the stage that was set up for his band was in the backyard. You walked along the poolside, following closely behind him before you felt someone splash you with water. 

“ Hey what- Kim!” You shouted excitedly as you let go of Josh’s hand to crouch down beside the pool to where Kim was swimming in just her bra and underwear,” you’re not even wearing a swimsuit? You dirty bitch.”

Kim laughed as she rested her hands against the edge of the pool,” Took you two long enough. Joshua, how are you this evening?” 

“ It’s going good Kimberly, I hope you’re enjoying yourself,” Josh teased back as Kim playfully rolled her eyes,” Y/N, I’m gonna check in with the guys real quick. Are you cool to stay here for a second?”

You nodded and shooed Josh with your hand,” Go, I’ll be fine.”

Josh gave you one last nod before jogging over to where his band was setting up. His bandmates had seen you walking over hand in hand with you and were now giving Josh hard pats on his back, as if to say ‘ nice job.’ 

“ He’s so respectful it physically hurts. Like I know the bar is so low for men but Josh checks every box. It’s annoying,” Kim sighed as you dragged a lawn chair from the grass and put it next to the edge of the pool to continue talking to your friend,” I would kill to be in your shoes right now. Oh to have two, brown-eyed guys fawn over me!” 

You couldn’t help but laugh as Kim dramatically placed her hand over her forehead and all you could do was shake your head,” Whatever, you didn’t even like Peter. You said so yourself he was a total douchebag.” 

“ Was a total douchebag and look, not that it’s any competition but I’m hashtag, team Peter. I’m a sucker for a good enemies to lovers trope,” Kim sighed as you felt your chest tighten up at her proclamation. 

You moved your eyes away from Kim as Josh came back over to you,” Did you want me to get you a drink?”

“ Thank goodness yes-”

“Y/N you should go with him,” Kim insisted as you turned to give her an odd look,” don’t get me wrong Joshua, I trust you but ya know, parties and alcohol and...men. Just to be extra safe.” 

You wanted to drown Kim on the spot for even insinuating that Josh would do something as terrible as spiking your drink but luckily, Josh gave a sincere nod. 

“ Of course, that’s not a problem. Men really are the worst,” Josh said casually as the two gave each other a little salute,” ready Y/N?”

Josh interlocked his hand with yours once again as he led you back into the house and through the kitchen as some people called out to greet him. 

“ Look at you Mr. Popular,” You teased as Josh squeezed your hand before opening up the fridge.

“ This is your first time drinking right?” Josh asked as you nodded, almost embarrassed,” Hey, that’s alright. You and I are gonna stick to the light stuff tonight, these taste better anyway.”

Josh pulled out three bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and popped off the bottlecaps with a bottle opener before pouring it straight into two plastic cups. 

He tucked the third bottle underneath his arm as you watched him curiously. Josh caught you eyeing his actions as he handed you the cup carefully. 

“ Why not just drink it straight from the bottle?” You asked as you watched Josh take a sip,” I feel like we’re hurting the environment.” 

“ Looks cooler in a red solo cup,” Josh admitted bashfully as he clinked his cup with yours. 

You took a small sip, expecting it to burn like how it was always described in coming of age books but surprisingly, the fizzy taste of citrus wasn’t overpowering in any way. Josh raised his eyebrows and playfully nudged your shoulder,” See! It’s good, right? If you drink enough of these, I’m sure anyone could get tipsy but the goal of this party is to actually remember it the next day.”

There was just something about Josh that made you feel so much safer than anyone else. He didn’t tease you for never having gone to a party before or having alcohol; if anything he did his best to make sure you were as comfortable as possible. 

“ You’re being unreasonably cool, you know that right?” 

Josh smiled as he reached for your hand instinctively for the third time that night,” Only for you baby.” 

Smooth smooth Josh. Like putty in his hands, he led you back to the backyard but the whole time, you felt your heart practically melt at him calling you baby. 

Was it pathetic how easily you leaned into his touch? Maybe. 

But god, he really did make things harder for you. You had come into this party with your eyes on another guy and yet, Josh always managed to turn up the charm whenever necessary and you ate it up. 

Josh might be the charming, golden boy but you knew you couldn’t be too naive. Everyone had flaws, maybe Josh’s was that he was too nice and too friendly, or possibly him being a complete lightweight was the only thing holding him back in life. 

Lucky bastard. 

Once you made it to the backyard, you found Kim with a towel around her body, sitting on one of the lawn chairs. Josh walked over and whistled at Kim to look up from her phone, to which he handed her the bottle of Mike’s and she sounded a quick thanks in response. 

“ I’m gonna warm up with the guys. We’re only going to play a quick set but after, I’m all yours,” Josh promised as his cheeks started to get red at his own words but he turned back around at an attempt to hide his face. 

You took a seat next to Kim as you felt your heart practically skip a beat,” He’s really something isn’t he?”

“ Mm, he’s something alright,” Kim sighed as she struggled to open up the bottle,” dumb bitch, he didn’t bring a bottle opener or something?” 

“ It’s the thought that counts!” You said back as Kim popped the bottle cap using the metal part of the lawn chair.

As you listened to Josh’s band start their first song, you couldn’t help but feel guilty on how you were feeling. A part of you was holding on to the idea of you and Peter being a possibility but things were always so complicated with him. 

There was more to lose in being with Peter and it was painfully obvious that Josh made things so incredibly easy. You didn’t need to walk on eggshells when you were with him and sure, things were new and always changing but Josh could eventually be a person you could lean on. 

You reminded yourself that Peter “loved” you and that you did feel something for him that Josh couldn’t make you feel, but it wasn’t real love and that alone completely sobered you up from your moodiness,” Cheers Kim.” 

She watched as you drank whatever was left in your cup but Kim only ooo’d, knowing it wasn’t enough to get you drunk. 

You shook your head as you tried to think of anything but Peter. Tonight was your night to be free and you didn’t want to have to worry about who would be waiting for you once you got back home. 

And yet, deep down, you wondered why a part of you felt like it wasn’t right to hold Josh’s hand. Maybe because you knew you liked holding Peter’s more. Even as you looked up at Josh who stole a few glances your way, you silently prayed that it was Peter up on that stage instead. 

“ I can’t do this,” You said after a second of overthinking everything as you pulled your phone out of your pocket,” I need to text him.” 

“ Um fuck no! No drunk texts, that shit is so embarrassing Y/N!”

“ This is less than 5% alcohol, I am definitely not drunk Kim,” You mumbled as you slapped her hand away and pulled out your phone to text Peter,” I thought you were on team Peter?” 

Y/N: I need you

Y/N: *address*

Kim watched as you texted Peter but before you could send it, Kim leaped out of her seat and snatched the phone out of your hand,” I swear-! Yes, I am a new fan of team Peter, although Josh is getting major brownie points, but I have been a loyal member of team Y/N way before anyone else. I’m doing you a favor, what is texting him going to solve?” 

You pouted as Kim slipped your phone into her bag, unbeknownst to the both of you that the message had accidentally sent. 

“ Now get the hell up and lets dance bitch!”

                                                         ------

You and Kim had perfected your mental state to a tee; not drunk enough to trip over air and make complete fools of yourselves but tipsy enough to where even the slightest look at each other was enough to make you break out into a fit of laughter. 

You still ‘danced like people were watching’ but you managed to still let loose enough to where the music flowed so freely between your fingertips. 

“ Josh you guys were great!” You shouted as you pulled him into a surprise hug, which he happily accepted,” I think I’m officially your number one fan now.”

“ Wait in line,” Kim scoffed playfully as she grabbed her bag from the floor,” I’m gonna go get a cheese plate or something. Don’t do anything gross while I’m gone.” 

You shot her a prompt ‘ why would you say that’ with your eyes before turning back to face Josh. You weren’t sure where things would go next but he took your hand and led you to the other side of the backyard to a wooden bench, claiming that he just wanted to rest a bit after singing for so long. 

The bench was small enough to where your thigh was against his but you didn’t mind the contact. 

“ Thanks for coming out by the way. I know these type of things are pretty overwhelming but I’ve been having fun so far. How about you?” Josh asked as you exhaled deeply. 

“ I’m glad I came...thank you again for convincing me to come out here. I feel like there’s been a lot of stuff going on at home and it’s kind of nice being a normal teenager for once,” You said honestly as Josh rolled his shoulders back. 

You could feel how nervous he was next to you but for the most part, he didn’t really show it from his facial expression. 

“ Can I ask you something?” 

You nodded, trying your best to be as cool as possible but all you could think about was how dry your mouth felt. 

Oh fuck, the million-dollar question was finally here, wasn’t it? Was he going to reveal his feelings? What if he was going to make a move?

“ Is there something going on between you and Peter? The other day when I came over, it felt...intense. I didn’t want to overstep by coming over or anything,” Josh hesitated as he tested the waters. 

Oh. 

Well fuck, that question was just as nerve-wracking as the others. You wanted to be as honest with Josh as possible but at the same time, you didn’t want to ruin any chances you had of possibly having him around if Peter didn’t work out. 

You knew that was such a shitty mindset but Josh had a way of making you feel so comfortable and you weren’t willing to let that go. 

“ I thought I had something with him but it’s complicated,” You answered honestly,” you saw him, he’s...sick and I feel like the sickness is making him feel things that aren’t actually there. I don’t know, it’s so weird to explain.” 

Josh bit his bottom lip nervously as he hung onto your every word,” So his feelings for you aren’t there like he thinks it is?” 

God, it sounded so simple the way Josh said it when it was so much worst in reality. Of course, it would be way easier to tell Josh everything from the toxic relationship you and Peter had to how the lovedust was emotionally and physically a toll on both of you. 

For obvious reason, you could never reveal that much to him. 

“ Yeah, exactly that,” You sighed, sounding a bit too disappointed and Josh had caught the shift in your voice,” feelings are always so complicated.”

“ Not all the time,” Josh said quickly as he caught himself,” I mean, liking someone doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes it’s really easy because love shouldn’t hurt, you know?” 

You only nodded because you could tell Josh had more to say. He took this opportunity to shift his body to fully face you and you scooted your back against the armrest so you could show him that you were attentive. 

“ I mean, when I like someone, all I think about is how much I like being around them. Everything else kind of just falls away and it feels all warm like how the books describe it,” Josh could feel a blush creep onto his cheeks yet again but he knew there was no point in covering it up now,” it’s a cliche but I think when you have a crush on someone, everything just falls into place... And I feel that when I’m with...you.”

Your heart practically drew closer to him because what is going on, this was different. Even though Peter had generally been saying the same things to you for days on end, this was more. 

There wasn’t some magic space dust that was making Josh confess his feelings, it was just pure humanistic drive to step out of one’s comfort zone that had tugged on Josh harder than ever before. 

As if time had slowed down, you watched closely as Josh placed his hand onto your knee before leaning in, getting dangerously close to your lips. Josh stopped only a mere centimeter before your lips touched, as if to give you a chance to back away and yet, you stood still. 

You were trying to make sense of what your heart and your gut were telling you but you thought back to Peter admitting to you that the love he felt for you was a side effect of the lovedust, nothing more and nothing less. 

Peter would never like you back. 

That’s what pushed you over the edge and so, you closed the gap between you and Josh as you kissed him back. You could feel Josh smiling against your lips but the pure sensation of the kiss didn’t last. 

Kim had witnessed everything in slow motion. The text from Peter, indicating that he had entered and was heading to the backyard to watching Josh lean in to kiss you. It was like a sick hypothetical they always asked in ethics classes when presenting the Trolley Dilemma and yet, she barely had enough time to make a decision. 

All she could do was shout but it was a little too late. Peter saw everything. 

He saw you close the space between your lips and Josh’s. He saw Josh smile against your lips. He saw you pull away before leaning in for more. 

Peter knew what was coming next, he practically braced for the pain that he knew was coming because just earlier the same day, he had a miniature version of it. But he never expected the pain to be this unbearable. 

His ribs felt like someone had just swung a bat into the center of his chest and he could feel every bone splitting into various small fragments that were too small to ever glue back together. Each little fragment of whatever was left had seemingly pierced his heart in a thousand different places as more and more pressure starting to build in his chest. 

He couldn’t even let out a cry for help, not even a whimper because no air could come in through his mouth. 

The fear alone made his chest tighten up to the point where he felt his lungs almost give in from inside of him. His vision was the next to get blotched out with a violent array of reds and oranges, moving at a fast kaleidoscopic rhythm that sent Peter deeper into a panic.

The last to give was his legs; the dizziness from the complete distortion had made his knees buckle from the pain, sending him straight into the pool. 

You heard Kim cry out first as she pushed her way through a crowd that was blocking the door. You moved away from Josh to find the commotion and even though you couldn't see who fell into the water, you knew deep down who it was. 

You ran over to the edge of the pool and without a second thought, you dived into the water. Josh quickly followed behind you; it took him only a second to kick off his shoes before he jumped in after you. 

What scared you the most was how eerily quiet it was underwater. You could hear some muffled shouts but that’s not what was so quiet. His body was motionless in the water, there was no sign of struggling or thrashing or convulsing like how it was in the movies. 

Everything just felt slow as you desperately reached your arms out to swim faster to him. You only had one focus once you wrapped your arms across his chest and kicked up to the surface. In your mind, you were already going through how you would start compressions on him once you reached the top. 

You were panicked and scared but you knew you had to pull yourself together, pushing away any thoughts of how far gone Peter could be. 

You broke the surface with Peter in your arms as you called out to someone, anyone to take him from your arms. Kim and one of Josh’s bandmates helped lift Peter’s lifeless body onto the concrete as Kim quickly called 9-1-1. 

Her hands were shaking as she tried to press the three buttons and after an eternity, they picked up the phone. 

You scrambled up from the pool and hovered over Peter’s body and without a second thought, you started doing CPR. 

For a moment, that’s all you were thinking. Like a machine, over and over again on an endless cycle, chest compressions, open his airway, give rescue breaths. When you found yourself thinking about how panicked everyone else was and how pale Peter looked underneath you, you continued to give compressions until you felt like your arms would snap from the pressure. 

You don’t know how much time has passed but enough to where there would’ve been a sign by now. You sobbed for Peter and kept calling out to him, your voice shaking like a child, the same child who lost her parents all those years ago. The same child who held that heavy towel, pressing it against her fathers chest to stop the bleeding- no. 

You couldn’t think about that, this was different. You could save him. You kept reminding yourself over and over as you did a round of chest compressions, opened his airway, and gave more rescue breaths. Over and over. Non-stop. 

Again and again without hesitation. 

At this point, you couldn't stop your mind from thinking of Peter and the possibility of him actually dead. How long was he under? What had happened before? He must’ve seen the kiss- oh my god you killed him. 

You can feel it, building up inside of you like an unstoppable path set ablaze like pure lava. 

You thought about never hearing his laugh again, the one where he would grip his sides so hard, he would wheeze like an old dog toy. Chest compressions. Airway. Rescue breaths. 

You thought about him never calling out your name, whether it was followed by an insult or a loving comment about how you made him feel. Chest compressions. Airway. Rescue breaths. 

You thought about never touching him again, his strong arms holding your shaking body when you had that awful nightmare or how perfect his hand fit in yours when you two walked together in the rain. Chest compressions. Airway. Rescue breaths. 

You thought about never telling him how you actually felt, how stupid you were forever letting him get away because it was him all along. Chest compressions. Airway. Rescue breaths. 

It was always him. 

You were in love with Peter. 

And suddenly, almost finally, Peter jolted up and coughed up the water from his lungs. 

You stopped the compressions and held your own breath as Peter continued to cough up more water, his eyes squeezed shut. 

“ Peter? Can you hear me?” You called out between your choked cries as you snapped your fingers close to his ear.

After a moment, an agonizing moment, Peter nodded, as everyone else collectively let out the breath they didn’t know they were holding. Peter opened his eyes slowly, taking in everything like it was his first time seeing the world. 

“ Oh thank god, don’t worry, help is coming. Stay awake for me, okay?” You sighed in relief as you tucked a strand of wet hair behind your ear,” I’m so glad you’re okay.” 

When his eyes lock onto yours, he feels an odd sense of deja vu that he can’t explain. His chest isn’t tight anymore, his hands don’t feel as clammy as before, his mind feels almost cleared. 

He focused on your eyes while everything else drowned out around him. Your pupils, they’re big and they’re filled with a heavy deal of worry but there’s something else. Your eyes, he’s looked into them so many times before but why is it different? 

As shaken up as you are, you manage to cup his face carefully to console him, or more so yourself. Your hands are shaking but they’re warm against his cheek and he can’t help but reach his hand to lay across the hand that’s cupping his face. 

Peter feels his face flush, but this time it’s different, it’s...euphoric? Peter wasn’t even sure if he was saying the word correctly but that’s how he felt. 

Your eyes, he’s so enamored by the way you’re looking at him. You were worried of course, but no, there was something else. 

“ You’re safe Peter, you’re okay.” 

“ Don’t worry I got you.”

“ Just breath for me, okay?” 

There it was, the same deja vu. You had said that to him before, or maybe he had said it to you before through broken sobs when you had the nightmare. 

Peter’s breath hitched as it all finally hit him, he figured it out just by holding your deep gaze. 

Oh my god.

The lovedust had worn off, it was gone. All the anxiety and nerves from having it in his system had disappeared, evaporated off of him almost. The chest pains and the shortness of breath had gone away but Peter still felt something pulling, tugging at his heartstrings. 

The lovedust was gone, he knew that well enough.

 The only thing he could feel as he stared back at you was a pure, undivided, longing for you. 

That’s right, Peter Parker was still hopelessly in love with you, no lovedust required.

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[stilemawillow]

Romantic? More Like NO [Levi | Reader]

Prequel: Fairy Tale NOT Like

"Levi, I really am irritated right now." Hearing her voice from the female showers made him just as irritated because she might’ve been pretty but she had no tact and it was too early for him to get another headache.

"As if I don't fucking know that already. I'm irritated, too." He was leaning on the wall next to the door and leaning slightly to the side would expose her whole body to his eyes but it was a thing he - one, shouldn’t do and two, wasn’t interested in doing. He’d be lucky if Mikasa Ackerman didn’t show up for her early shower because if he were to be seen waiting on a grown-ass unknown woman by the door, he’d quickly go from Humanity’s Strongest Soldier to Humanity’s Biggest Pervert.

"You're not the one having to play a ninja around an army's headquarters." She snapped from the inside.

"Yes, but I'm the one who has to play the stupid ninja’s bodyguard around the headquarters of the army I'm supposed to be second-in-command in." He hissed in return, listening to the slowly decreasing sound of water hitting the floor.

"Just tell me one thing." The warmth was first, then he turned his head and the tip of his nose almost bumped into hers. Pupils dilating in surprise, his orbs followed the droplets rolling over her skin but his corssed arms stood ridig as if glued to his chest. "What am I going to wear now?" Her sweet voice was laced with fake innocence but her lips wore a small smirk. He snorted but kept quiet. "You're not going to give me any of your clothes, are you now?"

The situation was so messed up right now.

After he’d brought her the coffee, Levi had hastened to point out her stink and immediately after force her into the showers, dismissing her concerns on what she’d wear afterwards by telling her he had a plan. He, in actual fact, had not even an inkling of a plan. Every option he could think of was either humiliating, incriminating or straight-up perverted.

If he gave her his clothes and they were seen together, there would be assumptions. Her dress was already with the piles of laundry that would be washed today, stealing somebody else’s clothes was plain ridiculous, asking another female cadet for an outfit would lead to even more assumptions and making her sneak around the HQ in nothing but a towel was a scene out of a book Hanji would write. He considered finding clothes for her on his own but leaving her alone was too risky. And since the showers would start filling up soon, he had no choice but to take her with him.

"You're going to wear something. Follow me and be quiet." He ordered, heading down the hallway and looking around every time a sound erupted from a room. It could’ve been a snore, the shuffle of clothes or a blanket - it didn’t matter because Levi was paranoid. Then his heel made an unstable plank creak in the silent space and he mentally shat himself.

He was supposed to be a soldier, a former thug, flexibe and agile, and strong, but no--- he couldn’t even walk without making the floor creak like it would break. He held back a groan and resumed walking only to feel something pulling him back by the wrist. (Y/N)’s determined expression faced him the moment he turned back. He awaited her words with a thinning patience. They were making progress and she just had to stop him for God knows what.

"You do know that even if people see us together they wouldn't speak, right?" Her question - naive, stupid and anything but reasonable, made him want to facepalm against the wall.

"And how does that help us?” He frowned. They were so close to the staircase. Why did she have to stop and ask stupid questions?

"All I'm saying is you can make anybody who sees us keep their mouth shut.” She reasoned, making his brow twitch in annoyance. His voice, however, managed to stay quiet.

"It's not that easy."

"Because they’d talk about it behind your back?"

"This isn't even a---" His voice grew in volume as his patience ran out but his incoming outburst was quickly cut off by a muffled voice coming from behind the door they were standing next to.

"Armin, did you hear that?"

"Fucking shit." Levi cursed under his breath, exchanging a panicked look with (Y/N). That was Jean Kirstein’s voice. His brain went into overdrive  - they couldn’t run up the stairs, couldn’t wait to be caught here either.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the other side of the narrow hallway into the first room he saw, which was seemingly the last one in row. He hastily opened the door, gripping (Y/N) and feeling his heart on its way to burst. He wouldn’t allow to be caught with a half-naked woman by his own squad.

He heard her call his name as the door was shut - she was pressed against the wall, feeling her towel slip. She held her breath and the fabric fell to the floor, except she couldn’t pick it up since one of her hands was captive and the other was the only thing holding her upright and quiet. The raven-haired man was staring at the door but he would look at her sooner or later.

"I think I heard someone." Armin's voice sounded as he exited the room and looked around, three pairs of footsteps following close behind. (Y/N) couldn’t tell Levi not to turn - a whisper could ruin everything. So she’d keep quiet because the raven seeing her naked in the dark was better than them being found.

"Berthold, do you see anyone?" A masculine voice was heard, one that Levi recognised as Reiner Braun's.

"It's too early for this Reiner." Berthold stated quietly, probably trying not to wake the other cadets.

"I bet I heard someone, guys." Jean's voice sounded next and Levi knew he was fucking doomed. Four damn cadets were going to find him in a closet with a half-naked woman - great.

"Maybe the girls were just heading to the shower."

Levi turned around and his eyes widened. He could hear (Y/N) gulp, then he drew a sharp breath and bit back every vocal reaction which came to mind.

"Maybe we can get to see Mikasa today."

Realising that he’d been stopping her from covering herself, the male let go of her wrist and watched her shakily cover her breasts as her free hand began blindly searching for her towel.

"As if. Come on, Jean. If she doesn't kill you, Eren will try."

The cadets’ conversation was white noise to his ears, his eyes couldn’t leave (Y/N)’s body and his ears could only hear his blood rushing around his body at the sight.

"And maybe after that Corporal Levi will end you completely."

He caught the sound of his name but paid no attention to it, fixed on the woman who finally found the towel and attempted to hide herself. Only then did it occur to him his gaze brought her discomfort. He faced the other way quickly, momentarily stunned by his own rudeness.

"Why would the Corporal even care?"

He heard an almost audible sigh come from her lips once she was covered so he turned, watching her hands grip the upper part of the towel as her gaze avoided his eyes at all cost. Her previous confidence was nowhere to be found.

"He is in charge of Eren after all. If Eren ends up getting hurt during the fight, both the Corporal and Mikasa will beat you up. He's obliged to do it, while Mikasa..."

"Is Mikasa."

"Anyways, let's stop talking about this. Do you know the time?"

"We have time before breakfast."

"But the Corporal will punish us if we end up sleeping in."

"I’m with Berthold, let's go for the showers."

"No, we better sleep a little more."

He made a step in her direction, to which she tried to retract and her foot hit something which then dropped to the side with a loud clangour. Fucking bucket. (Y/N) looked at Levi like a deer in headlights and he, despite his stoic persona, related the same panic she did. He cursed under his breath.

"Did you all hear that?" Jean's startled voice reached their ears as they stood motionless as possible in the closet, fearful of doing as much as breathing.

"Is there an intruder?"

"Jean, come on. Who would sneak into the headquarters? They must be crazy or stupid. The Commander would make Corporal kill them or something." Reiner said and (Y/N) eyed Levi.

"Not knowing the Corporal and being stupid are vastly different - one is called being uninformed." Jean argued, much to Reiner’s dismay.

"And the other is called being crazy. Now let's just go to the showers."

(Y/N) was about to stifle a giggle when Levi’s reflexes acted - knowing when something wouldn’t go as planned. His hand covered her mouth and she held in a yelp as her balance was knocked off and her back hit the wall with a thud.

"Okay, I definitely heard that one! Is someone pranking us?" Jean's voice grew in pitch and volume, meaning he was approaching the closet.

"Jean, what’s all the fuss about?" Another voice (Y/N) didn’t recognise joined the conversation, to which she glanced at Levi in confusion, mouth still covered by his cold hand.

"The suicidal bastard was freed from his cell." Jean's mocking remark almost made (Y/N) snort.

"Hanji came to unlock me for showers and breakfast." The other voice responded just when (Y/N) picked up the unmistakable speech of her hyperactive friend. She felt herself tensing alongside Levi.

"Hello, kiddos! What's up?" Hanji greeted, to which Jean had an immediate reply.

"I heard a sound---"

"Jean is being delusional." Reiner cut off, setting the other boy off.

"No, I definitely heard something! Someone is sneaking around!"

"Who do you think is sneaking around the headquarters?" Hanji questioned curiously, clearly doubting the cadet’s accusations.

"I don't know! Probably a cadet who went to town. They do it often." Jean tried to reason with Hanji and the others, but they weren't ready to accept his seemingly delusional point of view yet.

"I know people do that, Jean. I do it to meet up with (Y/N) and the plank in front of Erwin’s office always creaks." The mad scientist complained and Levi made a mental note about Hanji sneaking out. And about the creaky plank. Armin and Eren went on to ask who (Y/N) was, which just prompted Hanji to rant. “An old friend of mine. She's extremely sweet! And such an eye-candy! Levi couldn't get his eyes off her yesterday!"

Levi couldn't get his eyes off her now either, but he wasn't going to let that information become public knowledge. He was sure she’d sensed it too - the sexual tension drowned by the panic and anticipation they felt.

"Corporal couldn't what?" Eren sputtered, almost choking in shock.

"What was Corporal Levi doing with (Y/N) yesterday?" Armin's voice rang, announcing to (Y/N) and Levi the erasure of Hanji’s brain-to-mouth filter.

"Oh, we went to that ball Eren was whining about! It was fun, Levi took (Y/N) as his escort, he had a suit, flowers and everything!" Levi would’ve facepalmed if possible, whereas (Y/N)’s discomfort grew to the point she contemplated giving his handsome face a slap and walking out of the closet. It would ruin only his reputation either way - but that was the problem.

The whole Survey Corps would suffer if their most valuable member was caught breaking the rules. His authority normally prevented people from badmouthing him but even that wouldn’t save him if rumours of him having a lover got out. It was something (Y/N) couldn’t allow - besides being interesting to her, he was also willing to land her a job.

"And what happened then?" The question derailed her train of thought and she was back in the dark closet, painfully pressed against the wall. She tried to change that by moving just a little and that was when the old forgotten bucket came back into play.

"Oh, well, Levi---"

(Y/N) gasped as her mouth was released and her foot slipped on the bucket - then Levi’s fast reflexes saved them a very painful fall by pushing their bodies back against the wall, except it cost them their low profile.

"Okay, that's it! Now everyone heard that one, right?!" Jean's voice echoed as the others shuffled about.

"You weren't lying after all." Hanji’s statement was heard over the shameful admittances of the other cadets confirming they’d finally heard it themselves.

"Is there someone... in that closet?" The words that exited Berthold's mouth made (Y/N)'s eyes fill with fear. Levi’s composure was also slowly starting to leave him.

"You know the only way to understand."

"Rock, paper, scissors - loser opens the door?"

Besides his composure, his self-respect evaporated at his own squad’s stupidity. He felt more humiliated listening to their problem-solving tactics than imagining himself getting caught with a half-naked woman in a closet. A few seconds of silence later, a small sigh left somebody’s lips, to which the duo in the closet exchanged worried glances.

"Armin, go for it." A voice was heard and said blond sighed again before asking:

"Why do I even have to---"

"Just do it." Jean insisted and the others hummed in agreement.

"You won't die."

"On three." Hanji announced.

Armin’s steps approaching the closet were heard. (Y/N) felt her heart was about to burst and Levi could already picture decades of reputation crumbling to the ground. Years of being a cold-hearted ass with a deadpan, years of fear and respect and not an ounce of regret.

"One..."

The woman met his gaze, feeling his fingers twitch in the slighest over her waist. She mouthed a small apology and he shook his head. He wanted to blame her for everything but he couldn’t stoop that low.

"Two..."

Her fingers were digging into his rigid shoulders when he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to look.

"... three!"

There was the opening of a door. Nobody was saying anything---

Thud.

Crash!

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

"Shit! That scared me." Jean's voice was just as muffled. Levi slowly opened his eyes to witness the confusion on (Y/N)’s face in the dark.

"It was just a racoon." At Armin’s statement, both their heads whipped back to look at the closed door with wide eyes.

"Mystery solved. At least Jean hasn't gone delusional yet." Hanji mocked cordially, making said boy give an exclamation of indignation. Everybody else was chuckling and (Y/N) and Levi hadn’t begun getting over their shock.

"Now let's go to the showers."

"Okay, okay."

"I'm going to visit Erwin. See you at breakfast, kiddos!" Hanji was off, her footsteps fading up the stairs.

"How did that racoon even get in there?" The boys discussed, voices dropping.

"I don't have an idea..."

Once their footsteps had faded down the hallway, Levi let go of (Y/N), deciding it was safe for them to go out. He dusted himself off and slowly opened the door.

"That was a close call." (Y/N)'s words made him sigh as they slipped back into the empty hallway. He noticed her voice had a sweet ring to it when she was nervous.

"Tell me about it." He snorted and observed the open door of the other closet, right next to their hiding spot.

"I'm sorry about that." Her apology was mumbled in mild shame as he clicked his tongue.

"I raised my voice. Whatever, let's just go." She followed him up the stairs, noting their luck and making him hum along in agreement - it was something he’d never know had made her knees feel like jelly. To her next question of what they would do now, he had an answer at the ready. "I'm bringing you to my office. We dress you up and send you off to town." There was a pause on her end, then a ‘why’ Levi considered rather stupid. "Because you can't stay here."

"Did you forget why you brought me here yesterday?" Her inquiry made him frown but it was just so it wouldn’t betray his ‘oh shit’ face. "Maybe because I had no home at the time?" She pressed further, making him curse as he turned to face her. “You did forget.” Her blunt statement made him snort, rolling his eyes and deciding to play it cool.

"And what of that?" He asked, annoyed and with his arms crossed.

"Well, it intervenes with your plan. And you promised me a job. I can find myself a place to stay but it won’t happen fast, so I’m sorry for being insolent but I’m going to hold you to your word.” Hands on her hips, she was glaring and he avoided looking anywhere but her eyes. She was right and he knew it.

"Let's just go to my office. Discussing this in the middle of the hallway is no good." He commented with a click of his tongue, watching her lips purse as her eyes narrowed. However, she still complied. They passed Erwin’s office, tactfully avoiding the creaky plank and soundlessly slipping in his office. A sigh left his lips as he locked the door.

"Now. You’ll need a plan." (Y/N)'s serious voice helped him shake off the relief he felt. He rolled his eyes, annoyance brimming. He wanted to avoid thinking of a new plan, and the complications that would surely come with it.

"You still need clothes, so we'll find you some. And after that...” He trailed off, making her eyebrow quirk as she waited for his brain to think of the best course of action. “I suppose I’ve got only one choice.” He concluded with a sigh, leaning back against his desk and contemplating. Rumours could spread but it was the only way to keep his word whilst creating the least misunderstandings. “I have to introduce you to everybody.”

"Ready?"

"Never been, never going to be. Let's just do this." Her statement evoked a snort from him as he suppressed the chuckle at the back of his throat. She seemed more nervous than him and it was amusing to say the least. Still, he held out on giving her advice on how to fix it because something told him she wouldn’t manage either way.

The raven-haired male entered the mess hall and she walked at his side; suddenly there were gazes on them, on the baggy clothes she wore that kind of looked to be his size, and whispers slithering round the room. He ignored everything and approached his squad’s table, sitting down and watching before him his usual cup of tea whilst his squad stared at him in bewilderment.

"Uh, Corporal Levi... who is she?" Eren’s hesitant question made Levi glare at the brunet - he was a tad bit anxious but he needn’t admonish his subordinates verbally because of it.

"I'm a friend of Levi's. (Y/N), nice to meet you all." The woman flashed them a smile and voiced a casual introduction before Levi could even begin to speak. He wouldn’t, however, get angry at her, she seemed to be doing well.

"Corporal, I made your tea, it's a bit cold, but---"

"It's fine, Eren." Levi cut him off, taking a sip from mentioned beverage and sighing. So far so good. He briefly glanced at the superiors’ table where he usually sat, finding his Commander’s insistent gaze on him. He wanted to avoid everybody who knew (Y/N) but an encounter was inevitable so he was only stalling even though he was well aware Hanji had already seen them walk in and had probably informed Erwin and Mike of their presence. 

"So, Corporal, how did the ball go yesterday?" Mikasa asked boredly while Eren pouted on her left, disappointed still that he hadn’t been invited. Levi and (Y/N) exchanged an alarmed look but neither gave out their concern. The Corporal looked back at his squad: Jean and Eren were impatient to hear his answer, Mikasa was quiet as per usual, Armin was silently observing, Connie and Sasha were gorging on their food and Ymir and Christa were whispering of other topics.

"Not that it's your business but it was shitty. Eren, you can stop whining about not getting invited, it wasn’t worth it either way." The raven took a sip from his cup, watching the four reactions his words caused. Eren’s face dropped as he dismissed his frustration on the matter, Mikasa visibly became suspicious and Armin’s gaze grew uneasy due to the fact he might’ve already pieced everything together and, finally, (Y/N) snorted with laughter and coughed to cover it up. “What seems to be so funny?” Levi faced her with a scowl.

“That was a complete lie, sir. You almost got drunk, you watched an eating contest and you were hit on multiple times by gorgeous noble ladies. I'm afraid you liked your night out. " (Y/N) explained with a smirk, making Jean and Eren gape as Mikasa and Armin's eyebrows raised to the tops of their foreheads. He glared at (Y/N), noting how she’d omitted to mention herself during the story she told - it was something that ticked him off. And he had no idea why.

"Not like you're one to talk - you did get drunk, you fainted, you danced terribly and about half the males in the hall were undressing you with their eyes." He retorted and she looked at him, visibly surprised, while his subordinates curiously observed their exchange.

"Was that a subtle compliment or just a horrible attempt at an insult?" She asked with a terribly attractive smirk, which wasn't good for his moody insides as of lately. His stomach did loops at random ever since he met her, his heart would sometimes skip a beat and his skin would get irritatingly itchy when she touched him. He couldn’t go on to think normally, an image of her smile always had to interrupt him and it was fucking annoying - this whole thing.

"Neither - it's summing up your night there." He clicked his tongue and watched her smile - exactly the thing he didn’t need after the kind of inner monologue he had.

"Whatever it is, I don't mind it. Although I must thank you for making my night so nice." She added at the end, making his eyes narrow. (Y/N) bit her bottom lip to stop herself from grinning, but it was inevitable and the fact she tried to hide it put Levi at a loss for words. Staring at her face and her eyes there was hardly anything for him to think besides:

Fuck, I think I want to kiss this woman right now. His eyes widened at the notion and his rational mind slapped him so hard he suppressed the urge to turn his head to the side in reality. Instead, he only shook it and cursed himself multiple times while sipping on his tea.

"I've done nothing deserving of your gratitude." Levi mumbled in a cold voice once having calmed down while (Y/N) only smiled at him, this time without saying anything.

He wondered whether he’d actually taken a liking to a woman he met just the night before. He knew nothing of her yet he couldn’t simply ignore her like he usually would - he wanted to learn a bit more. He didn’t think himself a naive fool as to let her influence him to this extent - but then again she couldn’t be a witch either. Had it been any other woman, things would’ve been different - and then it clicked. Things were like this because it was her, because she affected him and because she interfered with how he usually thought and acted. He didn’t know why but one thing was clear and it was something he’d never admit to himself, Hanji, (Y/N), Erwin or anybody else. He’d die before saying it out loud.

"Corporal is everything alright?" Jean Kirstein's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and softened his expression. Levi looked up with a sigh.

"I have something to do." Groaning inwardly, he pushed himself off the bench and stood up, meeting (Y/N)’s worried gaze and hastening to ease her concern. "You stay here and chat with them or whatever. I'll be back." He headed towards Hanji, Erwin and Mike. Before doing anything else, he had to distance himself from (Y/N) and cease all contact with her after his part of the deal was done. For that to happen, he had to talk to his Commander. He’d promised her a job and, under the man who’d loved her or not, he’d get it for her.

"You're in." He stated coldly with crossed arms.

"I am?" She was literally beaming.

"I already said it, idiot. Are you fucking deaf?" He snapped but her grin was still and so was her posture.

"This is great! Now I get to spend time with my friends, I have a job and a home. Thank you so much.” (Y/N) piped excitedly and he only snorted.

"Anyway, until we find a free room for you you’ll be sharing with somebody.” He stated absentmindedly, feeling just a bit ticked off on this particular topic. Not that he had a reason to feel irritation because he’d known her for a day and she didn’t mean anything to him. That was how things should’ve been.

"Hanji?" (Y/N) guessed as she took a seat in the chair in front of his desk and he looked at the papers before him, pretending to read and trying his hardest not to pay attention to her. He reasoned why she wouldn’t be staying with Hanji and she went on to ask if it would be him she’d share a room with. He almost let out a snort and answered her question with a cold ‘no’. “Then who?” She pressed curiously, making him grit his teeth. He didn’t understand what he was so angry with. Maybe himself.

"Erwin."

"You're kidding me." She blurted out, to which he glared at her. She didn't seem overjoyed by the fact she was about to spend an unknown period of time with the handsome, tall and successful man that had feelings for her, instead she looked confused.

"Do I look like I enjoy joking around?" His questioned was a hiss and his eyes were cold and unforgiving. Her brows twitched.

"But Erwin’s the Commander, it’ll be troublesome for me to stay with him." (Y/N) reasoned, (e/c) hues gleaming as she spoke.

"He volunteered to take you in. Guess his feelings aren’t entirely gone." Levi commented after giving a spiteful click of the tongue, making (Y/N)'s eyes narrow at his visage.

"And how do you feel about that?" She inquired curiously, almost as if seeking confirmation on a topic she knew the answer to. The question ticked him off.

"What does that have to do with me?" He was playing unemotional and oblivious - he knew it had a little if not a lot to do with him but he refused to admit it. She shrugged, stating she’d just asked, and, without thinking at all, he got ahead of himself. "It doesn't make me feel anything. Did you expect me to argue with my Commander over you? Assert myself as the person who shelters you? If anything, I feel relieved to finally get you off my case. Whatever fantasies you might be harbouring, the reality is that I escorted you to a ball because I needed somebody and now you may go next door to let Erwin instruct you on your job."

Levi's scowl may have been terribly scary, but on the inside, he was on the verge of hitting himself because of how unreasonably rude he was being to a woman he thought he felt something for. (Y/N)'s reaction wasn't one of shock, nor one of heartbreak - it was one of deep indifference. And indifference was a mask he used all too often to let himself be fooled by it. She was offended and hurt as she stood up and headed to the door, then, with her hand on the doorknob, she turned her eyes to him.

"Just for the record - I expected nothing from you and I harbour no fantasies, you're right when you say Erwin still has feelings for me, but you're wrong when you say you’re impartial. Even if you don't like me, I have to say I took quite the liking to you." He could almost hear how her voice broke at the last word. "I’m just sorry I won’t have the chance to say it to your face as a woman instead of a stupid peasant."

The door closed after her, leaving behind the voice which had betrayed her upon the word ‘peasant’. If he’d known more about her, he would’ve realised how it hurt her to say it because that’s what she’d been her whole life - a faceless nameless stupid peasant. But he didn’t know. He leaned back in his chair after realising he’d tensed with the intention to stand and go after her. Shoulders slumping, he groaned and closed his eyes at the thought of having made her cry. He was getting a headache.

"A lovers quarrel a day after your first meeting. Fucking way to go." He praised himself mockingly and wished to endure the worst headache in existence if it would give him the chance to fix this situation. It was an unrealistic wish but he wanted it nonetheless. He tried beating it into his head that he’d known her for a day but he wanted to see her smile again and it was a pity he probably never would.

He started this conversation so angry and ended it so regretful that it was a pitiful thing to watch.

"Is this your way of saying 'sorry'?" She asked with disbelief as he looked at her with pleading eyes.

"You could say so." He nodded weakly and she snorted.

"It's not romantic at all." She placed her hands on her hips and his brows furrowed as he glared at her.

"Is it supposed to be?" He inquired and she smirked slightly. He hadn’t realised how much he missed that - it had been a goddamn month since it had been directed to him last.

"Of course, after all the indirect insults you threw at me."

"If it makes you feel better if I was still a thug, I'd want to fuck you senselessly." His deadpan statement was an attempt at brightening the mood and it brought him so much more when she began laughing - a month since he’d heard that one too.

"Enough of a compensation. But I don’t get why before is different from now since you’re the same person." Her objection made his eyes narrow - of course they weren’t much different in nature but he couldn’t let himself rush into something he hadn’t had ever. He didn’t need love and support - he’d been fine without them until now. Sex was another thing he could get but preferred not to because she, unlike him, probably connected it to something more emotional. 

"I have boundaries now and I’m more self-conscious." She snorted with laughter once more, though he would be surprised to hear why.

"Of what - the perfect body, the flawless face, the smooth voice or the heart of gold under all the piled-up bad experience?" Her mocking question made it hard for him to distinguish whether she’d meant to tease or compliment him. Maybe both - it sounded like her.

"Of the fact I’m far from flawless yet I'm supposed to be a role model to young cadets. Of the fact I fight and promote that others die as they fight. Of the fact I’m worshipped by kids who don’t really know me, kids I’ll probably outlive." His voice was low and deep, tired, morose. Silence followed. Then (Y/N) nudged his shoulder and he watched her empathetic smile. She couldn’t say anything to make him feel better. "Does this mean you accept my apology?"

"Of course. Who can resist when it’s obvious you’re trying so hard?" (Y/N) chuckled when the raven glared at her but quickly calmed down, only to glance shyly at the ground right after. "I'm sorry, too. I rushed to snap back at you."

"You've nothing to apologise for, I deserved it.” He countered, making her blush slightly before she patted his shoulder with a smile.

"Since we're going to be seeing each other often, let's talk when something like this happens again, alright?" Levi rolled his eyes before nodding - way nonchalant than the furious ‘yes’ pushing at his lips. The small ‘fine’ he uttered earned him one of her grins. His stomach took a turn. He focused on his heartbeat - either it hadn’t skipped or he’d been lucky enough not to have heard it. "But next time be a bit more romantic." She joked whilst getting up, to which he only glared.

"Romantic? More like no thanks. I’m not romantic and will not attempt to become romantic." He stated coldly as they walked out the mess hall and headed towards their respective rooms.

"I can teach you." She suggested with a small shrug and he snorted at her.

"As if you're any better."

"You don't have a way of knowing. I may just be a hidden romantic." (Y/N) flashed him yet another terribly attractive smirk and it would've been a lie to say it didn’t make his heart beat faster but he was adamant not to admit it.

"Or I may just be the princess of the walls." He teased, his voice rid of all emotion. The woman next to him was still able to sense his sarcasm. He rolled his eyes and she slapped his shoulder playfully, laughing and feigning offence - it ended in vain. Maybe he could learn to accept the fact he regarded her in such a way after a few months. Just a few. And maybe if he got the chance he’d tell her too. Or not. He was fine with just watching her smile and , by god, if somebody took that from him he would kill to get it back.

Such determination was so him in spite of the topic, he never understood how all of this became so natural to the point it happened every day.

[waywardodysseys]

Finders Keepers - Oneshot

gif by @rainbowkisses31​

Pairing: Chris Evans x female reader

Warnings: fluff, SMUT, oral receiving (m & f), unprotected sex (wrap it up), beard burn, cussing

~   ~   ~

The smell of tomato, basil, oregano, and garlic fill the expansive kitchen as you stir the homemade sauce for the made from scratch meatballs you made earlier in the day. Being stuck in quarantine had made your inner Julia Child explode. It didn’t help your boyfriend encouraged you to cook more often especially when he loved devouring the homemade meals you made for him when he returned from being away from work for long periods of time, walking the halls of D.C., or stuck doing press tours for upcoming projects.

A happy bark and the click clack of toenails against the hardwood floor break through the quietness. You turn and look towards the living room. Chris is walking towards you in jeans and a red-black flannel shirt. You can’t help but smile and shake your head.

“What?” Comes Chris’ snarky yet kind remark as he closes the distance between the two of you.

You run your hand over the buzz cut he’s given himself. “I can’t believe you decided to cut it.”

Chris shrugs his shoulders, “I had nothing else to do.”

Dodger sits on the floor, moving his head back and forth as he keeps his eyes on the two of you.

You hum as you face the stove. You check the display, noting you must place the meatballs in the sauce in ten minutes. You feel Chris’ arms wrap around you and his rough beard scrape you neck.

“Chris,” you ground out as his teeth nip at your skin.

“Y/N,” Chris whispers in his smooth baritone voice.

Shivers run down your spine as his hands dip under your shirt and stroke your skin. Your body hums as his hands move up your stomach and cup your breasts. He squeezes them lightly as he grinds himself against your ass.

You moan lightly as you feel his hardness. You try to keep your focus on stirring the sauce.

“Please tell me we have time,” Chris moans.

“We have plenty,” you pause, “later.”

Chris sighs heavily, “I guess I should do the vid for Save with Stories. Get it over with.”

You smile, “know what book you’re going to read?”

“If You Give A Dog A Donut,” Chris replies, “Dodger needs to stay in here with you.”

“I know. You know he and I get along great. Even greater than you and I.”

Chris grazes your skin with his teeth, “hey now.”

You laugh wholeheartedly at his sarcasm.

Chris removes his hands from your body then kisses your neck gently. His beard scrapes your delicate skin which sends a heatwave through your body.

“You should go,” you squeak out, “before we do something, forget dinner, and burn the house down.”

Chris chuckles lowly as he smacks your ass playfully. “I’ll be back in a few.”

You hear him shuffle away then his soft whisper to Dodger “stay here with her. Protect her Dodgy. She’s important to us both.”

From the corner of your eye you watch Dodger lower himself to the floor. He crosses his front two paws and looks up at you.

“Good boy,” Chris whispers.

You shake your head and smile as you hear Chris walk out of the kitchen to somewhere else in the house.

-------

Hours later, after dinner and approving one of Chris’ umpteenth takes on his book reading, you are sitting in an oversized chair when the doorbell rings.

Dodger removes himself from beside your chair and walks to the door with Chris.

“Thank you,” you hear Chris’ voice state as sounds of bags make their way to your ears.

Chris had said he was overseeing dessert earlier in the afternoon. You wondered what he had delivered because there was ice cream in the freezer and brownie mixes in the pantry. Your mind tries to think about what day it is because with the quarantine they’ve seemed to all run together.

It’s neither of your birthdays, nor Dodger’s. You know it’s not an anniversary either. It’s the end of March. What could possibly be at the end of March?

Then it hits you like a runaway freight train.

Two years ago, you had been sitting outside the Martha-Mary Chapel on the Longfellow’s Wayside Inn estate in a bubblegum pink bridesmaid’s dress when a plate was placed in front of your face. You had looked up and into Chris’ blue eyes.

“My mother has always advised me to never take cake from strangers,” your voice had a hint of sadness yet bewilderment to it.

“This is,” Chris had said, “the best chocolatiest cake in the entire world. The frosting alone,” Chris had done a chef’s kiss motion with the sound, “perfection. Try it.”

“Why me?” You had asked with a raised eyebrow as you took the plate and one of the two forks he had.

Chris had taken a seat beside you. His body was warm, and you had burrowed into it because of the night chill.

“Everyone here is all smiles except you.”

“I was smiles earlier.” You had retorted with sarcasm before taking your first bite.

Oh, my fucking word, your mind had thought as you tasted the most meltingly delicious chocolatiest cake of your entire life.

“For the ceremony, pictures. Yes.” Chris had remarked. “Talk to me.”

You knew who he was, knew he was a friend of the groom. You were related to the bride.

You had shrugged, taken another bite. “I’ve been in three weddings in the last ten months. Will be in two more. One I am the maid of honor, wedding of my best friend. Probably the only one I’m happy for. I mean, I am happy for them all, but you know,” you had shrugged, “I haven’t been as lucky as the couples.”

“Love is hard. Finding it, keeping it. Making it thrive.” Chris had implied as he looked at you with a sly grin.

A month later after that night, you and Chris had become official.

You now watch as Chris walks into the living room. Dodger walking beside him slowly. The wide brown eyes looking between his dad and you.

“Sit at her feet,” Chris whispers as he finally stands in front of you.

Your eyes move between the human and the animal. Your heart quickens as Dodger sits then Chris kneels in front of you.

He holds out a plate big enough for two pieces of cake from Longview but only one is on the plate along with the words “will you marry me” handwritten in chocolate sauce.

“You know I like to celebrate the night we met, because it changed my life and I know it changed yours too. We found love together. We’ve made it thrive. We’ve kept it strong through the battles we’ve encountered. I want to keep our love thriving. Finders, keepers,” Chris glees as love makes his eyes twinkle.

As if on cue, Dodger raises a paw and places it on your lap. Tied lightly to his paw is a bubblegum pink ribbon which is holding a princess cut ring in place.

“Dodger wants you to be here forever too,” Chris whispers as he hands you the plate then unties the ribbon.

When the ring is free from Dodger’s paw and the ribbon, Chris cups your cheek and strokes your skin softly. You wouldn’t trade this man for any other in the world. He was right.

You and he found love with one another. The two of you made it thrive and survive with his busy work schedule and your fast pace career. You and he weathered battles together and always won.

“Marry me Y/N,” Chris whispers as he looks into your eyes.

You see the gleam of the love, and the forever he’s promising you.

You smile brightly, “yes.”

Chris smiles widely as he chokes back the tears. He reaches down and grabs your left hand. He slides the platinum band on your left fourth finger as you lean over and press your mouth against his.

Minutes later you pull faintly away from Chris, both of you breathless and filled with loved for one another. You wanted him; you didn’t care for the dessert you held in your hand.

“Chris,” you sigh happily, “I’d rather have you now then dessert.”

Chris grins as he stands and holds out his hand, “I see no harm in giving my fiancée what she wants.”

Fiancée, you think. You never thought about finding and keeping love until Chris walked into your life. Part of you grateful he liked celebrating the night you two met.

You hold onto Chris’s hand as he walks back through the kitchen, takes the plate from your hand and sets it inside of the fridge. The both of you move towards the bedroom.

Chris wraps you in his arms as he kicks Dodger’s lion out of the room and into the hallway then closes the door. Chris kisses you deeply as your hands travel up his arms and across his broad shoulders.

You place your hands on the back of his neck and pull away. You look into his blue eyes and smile. You then run a hand over his buzz cut. You like the short hair yet preferred it slightly longer so you could run your fingers through it.

“It’ll grow back,” Chris whispers.

“I know,” you whisper in return, “I’m soaking you in under a new light. Fiancé.”

Chris chuckles low in his chest, “wait till it’s husband. Missus future Evans. Future wife.”

You sweep your lips against Chris’, “well mister Evans, I want my dessert,” you roam your hands down the flannel shirt he is wearing and begin unbuttoning it, “and you are it.”

“You’re mine,” Chris growls as his fingers dance along the waistband of your pants.

He pushes his hand into your pants and palms your core. His fingers tease your folds as your fingers move quickly to open his flannel shirt, exposing his skin to your eyes and touch.

You move your hands up his muscular abdomen and chest. His skin is soft yet warm. You enjoyed burrowing into him on cold nights during a Massachusetts winter. He’d wrap his arms around you and hold you close. You’d inhale the cedar and lemon smell of his cologne, and know you were loved and at home.

You moan lowly as your body begins to hum with pleasure and consumed with heat. You walk Chris back towards the bed, making him remove his hand from your core. You push the flannel shirt off him then push him down on the mattress.

You straddle him and place kisses along his neck then across his collarbone. You move your mouth slowly down his chest and stomach. Your fingers fumbling with his pants. After getting them undone, you reach in with one hand and find him hard. You stroke him slowly, making sure you tease the tip with your thumb.

“Fu—mmm,” Chris moans as he feels your hand wrap around his cock.

You push down his pants, with his help, and reveal his lengthy and girthy cock to your eyes. You moan lowly in your chest before dipping your head and wrapping your lips around the tip. You swirl your tongue around rapidly as you let one hand stroke the rest of his length.

Chris’ hands move through your hair as his orgasm rises inside of him. He inhales a sharp breath as you move your mouth down his length slowly. Once your mouth hits the base you move your mouth back up his length, your salvia lathering him.

Chris’ low moans and slight pull on your hair encourages you to reach up and cup his balls. Your tongue swirling around the tip of his cock then you lick his entire length slowly up and down.

“Y/N,” Chris moans as his body ramps up on pleasure and his orgasm increases its buildup.

You lower your mouth onto his cock and bob your head up and down a few more times before you release it. You kiss your way back up his stomach and chest. You nip teasingly at his neck as his hands find their way under your shirt and onto your skin.

Chris places a finger under your chin, making you look at him. He grins as he lightly places a kiss on your lips then uses the strength he has to flip you onto your back.

You sit up for a second while Chris removes his pants. You discard your top and bra as well as wiggling out of your pants and underwear. You lick your lips as Chris returns to the bed and moans loudly at your naked body.

Chris runs a hand down your body and finds your core. You’re hot and wet. He grins against your skin as he hears a moan vibrate in your chest.

“Chris,” you sigh as pleasure seeps into your body.

Chris grazes his beard roughly against your flesh as be begins moving his mouth down your body. He knows the gratification you get from feeling the prickliness of hairs against your skin, he knows you like the burn marks his beard leaves on your skin.

Chris flicks one nipple as he moves a finger along your folds. His tongue swirls teasingly around the bud as his thumb grazes your clit.

“Fuuu—mmm,” you pant breathlessly. You need his tongue on your sensitive nub, you need to his beard against your sensitive flesh.

Chris flicks the other nipple before he continues moving his mouth down your stomach, making sure his beard grazes your skin roughly, sending your body further into the depths of fulfillment.

“Chris, please,” you plead in a whisper.

Chris dips his head between your legs and uses his fingers to open your folds. He moans inwardly at seeing your wetness and knowing how sweet you taste. Chris runs his tongue up your sensitive folds and swirls his tongue around your clit.

Your hands grasp the sheets under your body as you feel Chris’ tongue against your sensitive nub. You moan loudly as you feel his beard against the sensitive skin of your folds. He knows to pleasure you with both his tongue and beard against your most sensitive area.

You roll your hips lightly increasing the pleasure both his tongue and beard. Your orgasm rising inside of steadily as you feel euphoric in every sense of the word.

“Fuck,” you whisper in a pant, “Chris!”

Your orgasm is cresting, and you move one hand to his head. The prickliness from his buzz cut adds to the pleasure and sends your body into overdrive – your orgasm crashes inside of you making your body tremble.

“Chris!” You breathlessly pant as you let the aftershocks of your orgasm ripple through your body.

Chris hums as he kisses your inner thighs. He scrapes his beard against your flesh.

Your fingers grasp the sheets as his beard sends goosebumps over your skin. You look down at him and see his trademark smirk.

“Yes?”

Your body is on a high from your orgasm and you need Chris inside of you more than ever. “I need you inside of me.”

Chris kneels between your open legs, “anything for you.”

He takes his hard cock and strokes your sensitive folds. When he hears your low moan he sinks himself slowly inside of you, making sure you feel every inch of him as he claims you again yet this time you are his fiancée, the forever love he’s been looking for his entire life.

Your breathing has increased as you feel Chris’ cock stretch you. Your slick walls wrap around him tightly as he lowers all of himself inside of your warmth and wetness.

Chris hisses as he feels your slick walls clutch his cock. You’re tight as glove around him as his entire length is buried deep inside of your depths. He feels your hands roam up his chest and land on his shoulders. He feels the light squeeze you give him – an encouragement for him to begin thrusting in and out of you.

Without hesitation, Chris begins pounding himself in and out you slowly, but his pace surging as his orgasm begins rising inside of him steadily. It was simmering and now that Chris inside of you, it’s cresting near the edge once again.

“Y/N,” Chris growls as his breathing quickens.

“Chris,” you moan in return as you lean forward and nip at his neck. Your teeth graze his skin lightly, then your tongue licks it slowly as you reach around him and dig your fingers into his back.

Your teeth and tongue send Chris over the edge. He thrusts into you once, then twice as he climaxes and empties himself inside of your pussy. He thrusts again, making sure every drop is inside of you.

Chris captures your mouth and kisses you deeply. He wraps his arms around you as you return his kiss. He feels you bring him down on top of you.

You don’t mind Chris’ body on top of yours. You enjoy his sweaty hot flesh against yours as you both come down from the highs of sex.

Chris pulls faintly away from your mouth. He notices the slight beard burn on your chin; he kisses the redden area lightly. Chris enjoys marking you, and with the ring on your finger, he knows he’s marked you forever.

“I love you Y/N.”

“I love you Chris. Finders, keepers.”

[shuahoonie]

you [tom holland] - eight.

PAIRING: tom holland x female!celebrity!reader

SUMMARY: ah, to be young and in love. it sounds great if only you and tom were actually dating out of pure love and not for the sheer reputation of your careers. it also should be great if you two actually got along, but life isn’t that easy.

WARNINGS: mostly swearing! some fluff here, some angst there. it’s haters to lovers / fake dating au so take that information as you wish! also, their relationship is improving yall 🤧

WORD COUNT: 5.6k

SONG INSPO: mxmtoon - used to you

A/N: surprise! I actually updated after five/six months??? a lot of things have happened during the time that I was gone. most of it revolved around my mental health and uni. not a great time to have a career crisis whilst living in the middle of a pandemic lmao. 

the last time i updated, i gave you guys the gift of fluff. maybe i should tone down a bit? or maybe not? i’m also sorry if this took ages. had an awful writer’s block. oooh, also i wrote an interview excerpt for this chapter. i added a link if you wanted to read it but no pressure! it’s just a lil’ sumn sumn :) anyway, enjoy reading!

hope you guys are safe & healthy! keep practicing social distancing and please wear your masks! sending all my love ♡

UPDATES EVERY SATURDAY 11 PM CST WHENEVER I CAN 

gif credits: @tommybabyholland​

vanessa’s masterlist | preview | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight.5 [interview] | 

Your friends have told you countless times to bite the bullet, however, you’ve seemed to swallow it instead. Here you were, lying in the same bed with Tom Holland, mere inches against each other. 

If anyone told you that you would be lying on the same bed as the guy you swore you hated a few months ago, you’d probably laugh at their face. 

You were definitely considering that maybe this whole fake dating thing wasn’t such a horrid idea after all. 

The room was dimmed to almost pitch black now. You could see a small streak of light peering from the curtains, probably from all of the street lights outside, allowing you to at least see something. You were exhausted but somehow you couldn’t sleep at the same time. 

The only reasonable thing that you could put your blame into was your heart, which was beating quite rapidly, by the way. You didn’t even know why you felt this nervous around him, it’s not like he’s a complete stranger. 

You’ve known Tom for a good two months—two and a half if you want to be specific. You picked up on his little quirks: his eyes crinkle when he laughs genuinely, he doesn’t like that much sugar in his tea. He likes his dog, Tessa, very much which you were already a goner for. He also hums when he’s happy which surprised you one day, not knowing what to do with that information. 

You also found out that his hands were always cold, which always startles you as your hands were extremely warm. Like right now, you could feel his fingertips grazing upon yours. As if your heart can handle even more of your emotions right now. 

You were confused as to why you were extremely nervous around him all of a sudden. Is it because this is the first time your sharing a bed with your pretend boyfriend? Is it because the last time you shared a bed with someone who you had no relation to is with your ex-boyfriend? 

It was driving you insane and you really had to get it together. You were both lying on your backs so all you could stare at was the empty ceiling. You took a quick look at Tom, who was already sleeping. 

Ah, so he snores. You made a mental note to yourself, wondering how you can use that information and pester him with it. He didn’t have loud snores, just soft ones but still loud for you to hear.  

You turned your body and lain on your side, choosing to face Tom. He really looked peaceful sleeping and the sight of him be at peace was enough to calm you down. 

With that, you found your eyes slowly start to droop down. The image of Tom sleeping soundly was the last thing you saw before you drifted off to sleep.

You noticed three things as soon as you woke up. You still had your eyes shut, only because you refuse to accept that it was already a new day.

The first thing you noticed was the annoying alarm tone that kept ringing on the bedside table. One of these days, I’ll end up throwing and smashing my phone. 

The second thing was how hot warm you felt. You felt the heat radiating beside you and you weren’t exactly used to it. You like the feeling of sleeping in a cold room while also burying yourself with blankets. 

The third thing you noticed was the pair of arms wrapped around you. As you slowly opened your eyes, you were greeted by the extremely close proximity that you shared with Tom. 

You found yourself cuddling Tom. Your head was resting in between his chest and his arm—the same arm that was wrapped around you. In the meanwhile, Tom’s other hand was resting on the side of your face, building the illusion that he may have caressed the side of your face.

You, on the other hand, had your left arm resting on top of his chest while the other was tucked underneath the pillow. 

You wondered how the hell you ended up in this position, but knowing how you move a lot in your sleep, you probably initiated this in the first place. You also wondered how Tom can sleep through this annoying alarm, especially since it kept ringing every ten minutes. 

Tilting your head up a bit, your eyes met the sight of his lips. However, from this angle, you could also clearly see the freckles speckled on his face. With the beaming sun and its fight to fill the room with light against the corners of the curtains, it only made things worse for you. Tom, with his body outlined by the light, absolutely looked angelic—as if the universe only favoured him and him alone. 

You slowly reached for his hand and removed it from the corner of your neck, carefully resting it on top of his stomach. After successfully doing so, comes the real challenge. You slowly released yourself from the grip of his arm and tried your best to get out of the bed without waking Tom up. 

Your logic? It would be rude to wake someone up from their sleep—especially when they can’t be bothered to be woken up by the alarm anyway. You also wanted this moment for yourself. You thought that it was best if Tom had no recollection of waking up to you two cuddling, acting as a true couple when there are no cameras around you. 

You walked to the bathroom to get yourself ready. You had a whole day of photoshoots and you also had to squeeze in a couple of interviews after. You didn’t want to miss your best friend’s wedding so you had to do whatever you can in order to balance your social life and work.

You already knew that you were going to be exhausted for today and you love your job, you really do, but sometimes you wished that you could catch a break without losing sleep for the next couple of days.

After taking a long hot shower and doing your essential skin routine—knowing that this is the only form of relaxation you’re going to get for the next couple of days— you slipped into a pair of mom jeans and a loose shirt. You packed this much because you knew you wouldn’t get the chance to drive home anyway. 

Just as you stepped out of the bathroom, your phone buzzed in your hand and saw a text from your manager. 

Zoë: On my way to the hotel! I will be there in 20 mins or so. Be sure that you’re ready so we can get going. 

“Oh, you’re already good to go?” You looked up from your phone and saw Tom yawning and rubbing his eyes. He was still wearing your sweatpants and he was still shirtless. 

You nodded. “Zoë’s picking me up.” You replied as you tidied the bed. It took you a couple of minutes before the words you said just sunk in. “Oh god, Zoë’s picking me up.” You repeated with wide eyes. 

“Yeah?” Tom chuckled, seemingly lost as to what you were trying to point out. 

“She doesn't really know that you slept with me.” You said but as soon as you realized what you just said, you knew you fucked up. You saw Tom smirking at you which only prompted you to hit him with the pillow. “I didn’t mean it like that, you weirdo.” 

“Oh, sure.” He teased as he put on his shirt. “I mean I’m pretty sure that I’m not the one who practically clung to a person while sleeping.” 

“Shut up, Holland. You know I move a lot when I sleep.” You muttered as a pathetic excuse to hopefully shut him up. 

“To be quite fair, I didn’t know that you do that whenever you sleep, but it’s nice to know that now.” He grinned. 

“Oh god,” You groaned. “Let’s just go so I can check out now. Zoë’s going to be here soon and I want you gone asap.” You said as you glanced around the room just so you know you didn’t leave anything behind. 

“Wait, what about your sweatpants?” 

“Just give it to me the next time you see me.” You said as you pulled him out of the room and made your way to the front desk. 

It turns out Zoë had no concept of time. As soon as you finished checking out, you saw your manager already waiting in the lobby. Oh, you recognized her big blonde hair from anywhere. She was sitting in one of the plush sofas, dressed in a white romper and even had her cat-eye sunglasses on. She looked like she’s about to catch her husband having an affair. 

“Ah, Y/N,” She said with a huge smile. “Thanks but you should know if that ever were to happen, I would pick something more flashy.” 

Oh, I said that out loud?! You practically yelled at yourself.

“We should get going, honey, we’ll grab you some breakfast on the way.” Zoë fixed the stray strands of your hair. You couldn’t be bothered to do your hair knowing that the stylists are going to give it hell anyway, so you just tied it in a low ponytail. 

“Um,” You didn’t even know how to say it. Where you even going to bring Tom up? If so, what were you going to say anyway? That you spent a night with your pretend boyfriend? Which shouldn’t be a huge deal but you were sure that your stunt doesn’t involve actually falling for each other.

“Tom,” Zoë’s pitch went a bit higher, surprised to see Tom standing behind you. “What’re you doing here, hon?” She asked quietly. 

“Oh, I-” 

“He spent the night with me. Tom was exhausted and it wasn’t safe for him to drive last night, so I asked him to stay.” You explained, cutting Tom off. You just wanted to get it over with and you were bound to face the storm sooner or later anyway. 

Zoë stared at the two of you for a moment, an undistinguishable look painted all over her face. You took a quick look at Tom who was also observing your manager’s reaction. 

However, she chose to drop it. “Alright, c’mon, honey. You have a long day today.” Your manager said after she flashed Tom a smile and turned around, leaving you both relieved. 

As you watched your manager leave and walk towards her vehicle, you turned to Tom and said, “I guess I’ll see you soon?” 

Tom smiled and nodded, “I’ll see you soon, my darling.” He said softly.

You felt your cheeks start to burn again so you did what you always do whenever you don’t know how to respond or when you’re just plain embarrassed—walk away and practically scream inside your head. 

You were walking—sprinting, more like— towards the vehicle and when you got in, you were greeted with a big smile by Zoë. It terrified you. 

“Y/N, hon,” She initiated with a soft voice. “You know sooner or later this stunt will all come to an end right?” 

“Yeah, I know.” You answered, slightly confused as to why this was brought up all of a sudden. 

“Okay, good, good...” Zoë trailed off. “I just—I see how things may escalate and I don’t want to see you hurt, Y/N.” 

“Yeah, I know.” You acknowledged, though this time you said it in a whisper. It was day 78 that you came clean to yourself and realized maybe you were developing a tiny crush on Tom. 

The people from the magazine were doing a feature story on you. Not only that you were going to be on the cover of the magazine, but you were also going to get a ten-page spread that included an interview. The whole theme of the issue was individuality so your spread had to be rooted from your style, so the outfits, the makeup, and hair had to base off of you as a concept while still adding an editorial element to it. 

You were already wearing the third outfit, wearing a pink frilly floral dress and it had hand-stitched and delicately placed flowers for the details—in which the outfit was inspired by your character in your tv series.

You were waiting for your hair and makeup to be done at the same time. The set was going to be in a pool so you also had to have your manicure and pedicure done. Basically, you had no control over your body.  

“How are you doing, hon?” Zoë asked as she passed by your chair. 

“’m still okay,” You mumbled. “Can I take a sip from my coffee though?” 

Maria’s, the nail tech for this shoot, eyes went wide. “Your nails aren’t dry yet,” She pointed out. 

“Please, Maria?” You pouted. You were literally about to pass out from exhaustion and you still had a full day ahead.

Maria rolled her eyes and gave in. “Fine, I’ll hold the cup.” She said before she grabbed your coffee from your manager. 

As you happily indulged the coffee, you heard Ruby, the makeup artist, let out a sigh behind you.“Y/N, I just did your makeup.” 

“Nothing bad happened! I just need to reapply the lipstick, it’s okay.” You quickly defended. 

“Child, you are going to be the death of me,” Ruby mumbled loud enough for the two of you. “You’re lucky I like you because if my other clients did this I would’ve grabbed their coffee and then they would’ve gone full diva on me.” 

You just gave her a huge smile before she reapplied your lipstick. The hairstylist just finished doing your hair, pinning tiny flowers all over your hair and having them scattered all over. You couldn’t believe that you had flowers all over your hair again—which only reminded you of Tom and what happened last night. 

Last night felt so surreal. It was the first time you two didn’t have knives on each other’s necks. It was the first time you felt comfortable around him and the experience was very intimate, it almost drove you mad. 

However, your manager’s words echoed back at you. It’s all a stunt and it will come to an end. 

“Are you ready, Y/N?” The photographer asked, breaking up your thoughts. Am I?

From pink frilly dresses to big tan sherpa coats, you were finally done with the photo shoot. The shoot went on for hours and all you wanted to do was to get rid of everything that your skin and hair had to endure. However, it doesn’t end there. You still had to do a short interview for the magazine. 

You were still wearing one of the outfits you had for the shoot—a black tube-top jumpsuit that clung into your body like second skin, along with tall pencil-heeled black pumps. This was definitely far from comfortable nor is it something that you’d wear, but you did like how it looked on you. “I look like the cold-hearted editor-in-chief in a magazine from a Hallmark movie” was all you said when you looked in the mirror. 

You had to excuse yourself from the young journalist who patiently waited for you as your photoshoot ran a bit late. She was drinking the coffee that you had given her—a small token of an apology for the time she probably wasted waiting. 

She gladly understood and went on with the interview. You were glad to do so anyway since you’re embarrassed for making her wait. You were asked about Amelia, the character that you play in the show Alchemist. 

As Y/N eased into the interview, still wearing one of her outfits from the photoshoot, she was asked about her resonation with her character. “I see only tiny bits of myself as her—that being hard-headed and using self-deprecating jokes as a coping mechanism,” she answered with a small laugh. 

You were also asked about your personal struggle between dropping out of school—potentially ruining your future— and your unstable acting career. 

She thought she possibly made a huge mistake of ruining her future. Luckily, Y/N received a casting call for the show Alchemist. “I still believe it’s pure luck. I’m lucky that I got the part and the show helped me shape my career, however, I can’t deny that I was really close to giving up.” 

Of course, the current state of your love life had to be included. 

“Yeah, I am seeing someone.” Y/N admits with a soft smile. “People know who he is and frankly, I don’t think I have to explicitly say his name as who I date shouldn’t be anyone’s business.” Her cheeks were flushed red as soon as the words came out of her mouth. Y/N was kind enough to explain that she didn’t mean it to sound so harsh, but she still stands firm with her words. 

You quickly and kindly expressed to the journalist that you mean well. You had no intention of being rude or for it to sound rude, but you still hold true to your words. The journalist was kind enough to understand your sentiments regarding this.  

The interview ended in a breeze and you were absolutely longing for the time when you can take a nice long bath. You quickly thanked the journalist as she bid her way goodbye. 

You can only hope that this cover issue finds you well. 

Time went by slowly and yet very quickly at the same time. You haven’t seen any of your friends for a couple of weeks as you’ve been occupied by filming, doing interviews, and photoshoots. 

You haven’t seen Tom in quite a while too—which you didn’t mind. You actually used this time to reevaluate your uncertain feelings for him. People at set didn’t seem to notice that he rarely showed up at your shoots—at least if they did, they would just assume that he’s busy since he did have an endless list of projects. 

As you were still uncertain about where your feelings lie with Tom, you chose this time to at least try and forget about him. Admittedly, it was difficult since people would always bring him up at some point or he would just be everywhere on social media. 

This time apart from Tom did give you a sense of peace. You weren’t in the constant state of practically having a heart attack around him, no matter how cliché it sounds. You hated that he had this effect on you but you had to act like everything’s fine—hoping that you’re doing a damn well job because acting is how you put food on the table. 

However, just like the opening lyrics of One Direction’s most gut-wrenching song, Love You Goodbye, mentioned: “It’s inevitable, everything that’s good comes to an end.” 

And boy, did it end alright. 

Ronnie: pls tell me it’s actually ur day off bc I really plan on having dinner with u.  🥺

You were about to have a long, relaxing bath (infused with epsom salts of course) when you read the text from your best friend. You were longing for this heaven-like bath and there’s no way you’re going to pass it up.

You: technically yes. the shoot ran till morning but all i’ve done since then was sleep. I'm about to take a bath tho & not planning to get out until i turn into a human prune lmao 

Ronnie: ok! I'll buy us dinner, any suggestions? 

You: really craving for some hearty Korean food rn 🤧

Ronnie: gotcha! I'll get u ur usual, do u want me to buy drinks too? 

You were still debating whether to go drinking tonight when your phone pinged, indicating a text. 

Ronnie: babes you’re taking too long. I'm getting us drinks. 

You: guess there’s no way out then lmao 

Ronnie: oh u bet. I'll be there in an hour-ish, maybe earlier. 

You: might still be in the bath when u arrive. 😬 

Ronnie: nah you’re ok haha. I have keys anyway and I'll make myself at home but u already knew that. 😌

You rolled your eyes but still had a smile on your face. You eventually gave Veronica some duplicates as she was constantly popping by anyway. It didn’t make sense for both of you to keep Ronnie out, waiting for you to come home when you could easily just give her some keys. At some point, you even asked her to move in. She is dancing around the idea though. 

Turning your phone off, you stepped into your epsom-salt-bubble bath—ready to shut off from the world and embrace the relaxation. 

After strategically propping your laptop at the bathroom counter, you’ve managed to finish two episodes of New Girl whilst you were in the tub. You could’ve used the bathtub tray that Olivia got you for your birthday, but you couldn’t trust yourself with that type of risk—no matter how careful you were. 

It wasn’t long when you heard a small commotion coming from the living room. You had your eyebrows furrowed, surely it was just Ronnie who’s dropping by today. Unless she invited Olivia too? 

Stepping out of the tub, you wrapped a towel around your body. You shut off your laptop and grabbed your phone before you left the bathroom. 

“Ronnie?” You called out above the chatter from the living room. “Ronnie, is that you?” 

“Yeah, right here, babes!” You heard her yell back. Upon reaching the living room, you saw Ronnie setting the food down on the table with Harrison putting the drinks down. “Oh, hey! I got us bibimbap and tteokbokki from Kim’s Kitchen. I also asked for extra kimchi because that is to die for.” Veronica exclaimed with a huge smile. “Oh and Mrs. Kim says hi.” 

You forced a huge smile in response, turning to your best friend and subtly motioning at Harrison who was standing beside her. 

“Oh! oh! Y/N, I hope you don’t mind that I invited them. They called me the same time as I texted you and I figured you wouldn’t mind because we’re all friends here, right?” Veronica smiled nervously. 

“A head’s up would’ve been nice, because...” You motioned to yourself, pointing out that you were still in your towel. “I mean it is my home and I should dress however I want but obviously you got your boyfriend here. The least I could do is look presentable.” 

Harrison turned red and so did Veronica. “Y/N, Harrison is not my boy—”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’ll go get changed.” You rolled your eyes and dismissed the entire thing. What can you do, kick them out? Wait—

“Wait, did you say “them” earlier? Is anyone else coming?” You asked. 

“Uh...” Veronica was looking for the right words to say until her eyes met someone else’s and looked right past you. 

You turned around and saw Tom standing in the middle of the room, holding plates and cutlery from your kitchen. Pinching the bridge of your nose to prevent the emerging migraine you’re about to endure and closed your eyes, you took a deep breath. 

“Uh—Hi, Y/N” Tom waved shyly. That’s all it took. All of those repressed feelings that you were trying to fight off were coming back. With your heart beating furiously, you knew you were a goner and you hated that. 

“Hi Tom,” you muttered. You two haven’t spoken to each other in a while since the morning after the wedding. God, this is awkward.  

You caught his eyes flickered to your body and put his head down, walking towards Harrison and Veronica, avoiding eye contact. You realized you were still in your towel, turning red. “Uh, I’ll go get changed.” You muttered, practically running towards your room to change. 

You were changing into an oversized shirt and into some leggings when you heard a knock from the door. “I’m decent!” You yelled. 

The door slowly opened, Tom peering from the other side. 

“Oh, hey.” You greeted him as he slowly went inside your room. He was looking around, observing your room. Your bedroom wasn’t special but it’s your favourite place. The walls were painted white—which is why when the sun beams through your windows, it bounces off through the walls and illuminates your entire room. Your room consisted of white furniture and bedding, but you made up for it by putting numerous plants all over your room and using earthy tones such as blankets and decorative pillows as accents. 

“Hey,” Tom stepped a bit closer “Sorry about earlier. If I knew you’d feel uncomfortable, I wouldn’t have come.” He apologized. 

“No, you’re good. I guess I was just caught by surprise.” You quickly dismissed. 

There was an odd silence. Is this what happens when you don’t talk for quite a while? 

“Oh, I also wanted to give you this,” Tom said, handing you the sweatpants that he borrowed a while ago. The cursed night that brought you closer to each other, literally. Grabbing the neatly folded pants, your fingers gently grazed upon his—the first time you had physical contact ever since that night.  “Don’t worry, I washed it.” He added. 

“Eh, I think I’ll wash it again just to make sure.” You joked, trying to diffuse the awkwardness. 

Tom let out a small laugh, scratching the back of his head. “I’m sorry.” You heard him say as you put your hair into a loose ponytail.

“For what?” You asked, brows furrowed. 

“I wasn’t exactly the finest “boyfriend” in the world.” He explained, putting air quotes on the word ‘boyfriend’. “I’d say I was busy but I should’ve made time.” 

You gave him a small smile. “It’s okay, Tom.” You turned around to place the pants inside the drawer. “It’s not like you’re my actual boyfriend anyway.” You laughed awkwardly.

For some reason, that last sentence left an unpleasant feeling on you. Why are you longing for Tom anyway? Are you that deprived? 

Tom let out an awkward chuckle and mumbled a quiet “yeah,” 

There it is again. That awkward silence. Will this last for the entire night because this is going to be exhausting? 

All of a sudden, Tom looked at you with a smile. “Why are we being weird?” Tom asked, laughing. 

“Yeah, I don’t even know either,” You couldn't help but laugh as well. “I’m definitely not used to you being this quiet.” 

“Are you saying that you missed it then?” He asked with a smirk. “Better yet are you saying that you missed me?” 

You rolled your eyes. There’s the Tom that you knew. “I wouldn’t go that far, Tom.” You replied, fighting off a smile. 

“’m just teasing, darling,” He laughed softly. “So, should we just forget everything and just be friends?” He asked, offering his hand.

You were about to reply when you heard a loud knock from the other side of the door. “Oi, are you two making out in there?” You heard Veronica yell obnoxiously from the other side. 

“Veronica!” You shrieked out of pure embarrassment. You felt your face turning red, as if like you’re a preteen caught with her crush.  

You pulled the door open and dragged Tom outside out of pure embarrassment, only to meet Veronica and Harrison who were leisurely sitting by the couch, trying to fight off their smirks. 

“Food’s getting cold,” Harrison said innocently as you glared at the both of them. 

“I see that you two are getting close,” Veronica commented eyeing both of your hands that were still clasped. 

“I—uh,” You’re at a loss for words. You forgot the calm feeling of how Tom’s hands felt against yours. 

You were about to let go when Tom raised both of your hands to show Haz and Ronnie. “I like holding her hand, it’s always so warm,” Tom commented with a soft smile. “One of the perks of fake dating, Y/N.” 

Veronica took a good look at you while you were busy staring at Tom. Ronnie knows that stare of yours and if she’s being honest, she doesn’t know whether to feel happy or anxious for you. 

“Yeah, that is until your hands get damp.” You teased, rolling your eyes. “Let’s just eat.” You said as you grabbed a cushion and sat on the floor. 

“Okay, so what are we having?” Tom asked as he stared at the table full of Korean dishes. 

“Well, I ordered each of us a bowl of bibimbap because I have no clue what you two like to eat” Ronnie said, pertaining to Tom and Harrison. She handed them each a bowl. “They’re all beef, by the way—oh except for Y/N’s, she has chicken.” 

“Have you had bibimbap before?” You asked Tom who was behind you, sitting on the couch. 

He shook his head in response, grabbing a cushion and opted to sit on the floor, right next to you. “I’ve had Korean BBQ before, does that count?” 

“Not quite,” You laughed. “Here, I’ll add some chilli paste.” 

“Darling, don’t add too much—” Tom argued while trying to grab the chilli paste from your hands. He ended just holding onto your hand instead.

“C’mon, it’s better when it’s spicy!” You defended, trying to squeeze more into his bowl.

“Are you sure you’re not adding that much because you hate me?” You could feel the close proximity of his face against yours. 

“Oh, please,” You turned to face him “I could never hate you, Tommy.” You blinking innocently, trying to hide the fact that he’s literally inches away from you. 

While you and Tom are practically exploring this whole new territory of closeness, Veronica was quietly watching it unfold in front of her eyes. 

“They seem to be getting along quite well,” Harrison commented before shoving a spoon into his mouth. 

“Yeah, maybe too well.” Veronica murmured, still staring at the couple in front of her. 

“And that’s a bad thing?” Haz asked with a raised eyebrow. Curious. 

Veronica couldn’t answer. Is it really a bad thing or was she just being overprotective? She should be happy for her friend! Heck, she should be happy that you and Tom were finally getting along for once.

Veronica chose to just look past it and accept the situation for what it is for now: a miracle. 

“I guess not,” Veronica answered, smiling softly at Harrison who gladly smiled in return. 

“Dinner was spectacular,” Tom commented with a smile “Well done, Ronnie.” 

“Oh—psh!” Ronnie waved her hand nonchalantly, “That was nothing.” 

“Yeah, because Mrs. Kim prepared all of it” You argued jokingly. “Besides, I suggested that we should have Korean cuisine tonight.” 

“Then I guess I should thank you, Y/N,” Tom grabbed the sides of your face and squished your cheeks. “Thanks, darling.” He grinned. 

You scrunched your face and took his hand away. “You’re annoying,” You told Tom while gathering the plates, starting to clear the table. 

“I’ll get that, Y/N,” Harrison said while grabbing the plates from you. “I’ll do the dishes, you lot just stay put here.” 

“Ooh, I’ll help!” Veronica stood up to help Harrison. 

“No, it’s fine. Just stay there, Ronnie. It’s okay.” Harrison replied, his tone of voice suddenly warm towards Veronica. 

“You’re so sweet,” Veronica said in awe. “But that won’t work for me, babe. I’ll help you, it’s totally okay.” She insisted, clearing the rest of the table and following Harrison towards the kitchen. 

You were about to head into the spare bedroom when you felt Tom wrap his hands around yours. “Where are you going?” He asked. 

“I’m just going to grab something,” You replied, “Even if I try to get away from you, I couldn’t. Trust me.” You teased. 

Tom nodded understandably, letting go of your hand. 

As you were on your way to the spare room, you couldn’t help but mumble “Why’s he being so clingy all of a sudden? Is this what he’s like to his friends?” You chose to shake off your thoughts against your better judgment. 

“What’s that?” Tom asked as soon as you entered the living room. 

“A bean bag chair,” You answered, dropping it in front of him. “So you can stop hogging my place on the sofa.” 

“Aw, you got a bean bag chair just for me?” He asked with a huge grin on his face. 

You rolled your eyes, “I didn’t buy it just for you, dumb ass.”

“Whatever you say, Y/N.” He grinned. “Whatever you say.” Tom then sat on the bean bag chair, except he sat at the very upper part of it and tried to keep his balance whilst doing so. 

This is the most boyish thing you’ve seen Tom do—no fancy clothing, no assistants around him, no cameras, none of it. He looked like an average guy, doing silly and harmless things, who’s just trying to have fun. 

With that in mind, you couldn’t help but pull your phone out and film him doing so. Eventually, he caught on and saw that you had your phone out, giving a smile. 

Laughing, you said, “That’s not how you sit on it!”

“I’ll sit on it however I want,” He teased. You quit filming and decided to upload the clip on your Instagram story. It was cute, pure, and authentic. Three words that you swore you wouldn’t use when pertaining to you and Tom. 

This fake dating thing is getting harder and harder. Seeing that you and Tom finally decided to act friendly around each other, it’s definitely going to provoke the feelings you were trying to suppress from him. 

“Okay, so I got bottles of soju.” Veronica announced while wiping her hands with the kitchen towel. “Anyone up for a Paranoia drinking game?” She asked with a smirk. 

“Why must we play a game while drinking?” You asked, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“I think it’ll be fun, Y/N.” Tom commented. “This is the right moment to build a tight bond with each other.” 

“Yeah, because nothing says bonding like alcohol and using repressed feelings.” You mumbled. 

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[hopelikethemoon]

First Words (Javier x Readr) {MTMF}

Tile: First Words Rating: PG Length: 2100 Warnings: Fluff Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in 1993 after A Dance Owed.  Summary: Reader and Javier spend their last day in Laredo and it’s one of firsts.

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“She’s gonna say abuelo before she gets either of our names right.” Javier said lightly as he walked in from the back patio, sliding the screen door shut behind him. “Wrapped around his finger.”

“Josie’s fond of her Peña men.” You retorted, glancing up at him for a second before turning your attention back to the tomatillos you had boiling on the stove. “I can’t say I blame her, however—“ 

Javier arched a brow at you as he walked further into the kitchen, “However?”

“I can’t help but feel like I’m being a little set up here.” You told him, reaching for the spoon and giving the pot a stir. 

“I told you I’d help.” He ran his tongue over the front of his teeth as he gave you a look. “But I know you know how to make it.” 

“I do know how to make verde. It’s simple.” You retorted, setting the spoon back onto the stone holder on the counter. “But I’ve made this for the two of us, not your extended family.”

You knew Chucho and Javier were just trying to make you feel like part of the family — because you were, but at the same time they’d inadvertently set you up for failure. 

“Hey,” Javier said lowly, hooking his finger into the belt loop of your jeans as he drew you away from the boiling pot. “They’ll love it.” He assured you, smoothing his hand down your hip. “You made a good impression at the wedding.”

“I figured the only impression I made was — that poor girl Javier accidentally got knocked up.” You taunted, cocking your head to the side as you looked up at him. “I’ve never had to do the extended family thing.”

“Me neither.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. 

You gave him a skeptical look, “You almost married a woman, Javier. You never met Lorraine’s grandparents? Her aunt? A weird uncle?”

He scratched at the back of his neck and glanced downwards, “Touché.” 

“That’s what I figured.” You grabbed the dish towel off the counter and swatted him in the thigh with it. “If you’re going to stay in here, get the blender out.”

You’d had a handful of serious relationships in your life, and every time they got remotely close to really serious you’d quickly found a reason to skirt out of it unscathed. 

Maybe you didn’t want to admit it aloud, but that was exactly what had happened with Lance too. Except it was paired with the sobering realization that you wanted Javier — who had seemed unattainable. 

Who never once gave you the impression that underneath his bachelor veneer, that he could be something like a family man. When you first met him you never would’ve imagined yourself standing in Texas in his father’s kitchen, making salsa verde because his tia was coming over to visit before you went home to Miami. 

“Baby, did you remember cilantro?” Javier questioned as he hauled out the blender and plugged it in on the counter by the microwave. 

“There are so many knives in this kitchen.” You shot him a look over your shoulder. “And don’t the neighbors have pigs?”

“Ouch.” He feigned injuring, clutching at his chest. “I might have to take my offer to take ownership of the verde off the table.”

“Ha. Ha.” You laughed humorlessly, shutting off the stovetop. 

Javier leaned against the counter opposite of you, arms folded across his chest as he watched you work. You could feel his eyes on you as you blended down the sauce in small increments, before pouring them into a bowl to cool. 

“You know, they all adored you.” He told you, once you shut off the blender. “Pretty sure they couldn’t figure out what you were doing with me, but that didn’t change that they adored you.” 

You smiled at him as you cleaned up the mess you had made, tucking the dirty dishes into the sink, “They’ve all made me feel so welcome. Doesn’t mean I’m not nervous.” 

You recognized that some of the kindness was probably pity. You weren’t stupid — you were fully aware of the optics of the situation. 

Javier had a history of burnt bridges; a history that his entire family and the whole goddamn town knew about. You and Josie probably looked pretty flammable to them. If only they knew you’d been made flame resistant from all the bridges you’d set alight while standing on them. 

They hadn’t seen him in Colombia after Josie was born. They hadn’t been there through the years that mattered. 

Chucho was probably the only one who actually believed that you’d still be around next Christmas.

“Just one more night, baby.” Javier reminded you as he crowded in close to you at the sink. “Then we’ll be in Miami.”

You sank back against him and sighed heavily, “I’m looking forward to it being just the three of us again.” You curled your fingers around his arm as he curled them around your waist. “I haven’t spoken to my own brother in years. You can imagine how navigating your extended family feels.”

“You do it so well,” He pressed a kiss to the crook of your neck. “Couldn’t even tell you were nervous.”

You elbowed him in the gut, making him swear as you twisted around in his hold. “Fuck off.” You taunted, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips before slipping away from him. “I’m gonna go see what Josie and Chucho are up to.” You gestured to the cooling dish. “Finish our verde.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and nodded, “I’ll be out there in a bit.” He told you as you slid the back door open and stepped outside onto the patio. 

Laredo was a nice change of pace from Colombia. Wide open spaces and a little peace and quiet. You almost regretted that the three of you would be moving back into an apartment in a few days. 

You tried to picture what a younger Javier looked like working on the ranch alongside his father. You’d seen the pictures in frames on the walls, the old high school graduation picture stuck on the side of the fridge alongside the pictures of his cousins and their kids. 

It was hard to picture him without the mustache, the worry lines, and the weight of life on his shoulders. 

You shielded your eyes from the sun, looking across the yard towards one of the horse paddocks where Chucho had Josie. 

You couldn’t picture Javier as a younger man, but you could picture Josie growing up here. Christmases, birthdays, family reunions. Snapshots of life that you couldn’t relate to. 

All you wanted was for Josie to have a normal childhood. A happy childhood. Two parents who loved each other, a stable home life, extended family members who cared. You wanted her to have everything you didn’t have growing up. 

You never wanted her to worry. 

“How are you doing, chica?” Chucho called out as he started back across the yard towards the patio. “You get that verde finished?”

“Javier’s finishing it up.” You answered, hugging your sweater around your middle as you moved to sit down in one of the chairs around the stone fire pit. “How’s Miss Josie?”

“Having the time of her little life.” Chucho bounced her in his arms and she giggled and squealed. “Give it two years and I’ll have her out there on one of my best mares.” 

You laughed, holding your arms out to take her as she tried to squirm out of Chucho’s hold to get to you. You could tell she was tired — but she was trying to soldier through it. 

“She’ll never want to leave then!” You kissed the top of her head as she flopped against your chest. “You’re going to need a nap before dinner.” You brushed your fingers through her curly hair as she sighed dramatically. 

“Javier was a natural in the saddle,” Chucho recalled as he sank down into a chair across from you. He gestured out towards pasture. “Not even two and I had him in the saddle with me, going out to check on the fence line after a storm.”

“You could probably convince me to let her ride when she’s three.” You offered with a short laugh, rocking her in your arms. 

“Deal.” He chuckled, adjusting his hat on his head as he sank back in the chair. “You looking forward to the big move?”

You shrugged, “I’m looking forward to being settled. It’ll be good to see our friends again. To get back into a rhythm.” 

“Never thought I’d see Javier settled.” Chucho told you, shaking his head slowly. “But it’s a good look on him.” 

“He’s a really good father.” You smiled warmly, looking towards the back door, you could just barely see Javier through the glass as he moved across the kitchen. “I know the situation isn’t ideal—“

“No.” Chucho cut you off. “Things happen for a reason. They always do. There’s no such thing as ideal or not. The two of you are good together.”

“Yeah, we are.” You agreed, kissing the top of Josie’s head again. “It’s all just very new for me.” You admitted. “The wedding was a lot.”

“Would’ve gone better if Javier had given his old man a head’s up.”

You felt your cheeks warm, “I know.” 

“Everyone was real impressed with you.” Chucho told you, “Javier was worried.”

You frowned, “He was worried?”

“That they wouldn’t welcome you with open arms.” 

“Oh.” You had assumed he meant that Javier has been worried that you wouldn’t fit in. But he’d been worried for you. “I really appreciated being included. I mean, I did show up unannounced.”

He waved a hand, “You know what you need?”

“A stiff drink?” You laughed. 

“A joint.”

“Excuse me?”

Chucho gave you a look, “You didn’t strike me as a tight ass like Javier.”

“I’m not.” Your brows furrowed together. “Just so we’re clear — you mean a joint joint, right?”

“Is there any other kind?” He questioned as he stood up slowly. “Old age takes its toll on you and I’ve found a bit of marijuana helps take the edge off.”

“I would agree but,” You gestured to Josie. “I’m still breastfeeding her. As tempting as the offer is.” You glanced back towards the house, “Does Javi know?”

Chucho shook his head, “Let’s keep this between the two of us.”

You grinned, “Now I really do feel like part of the family.” 

The back door slid open and Javier stepped out onto the patio. “The verde is finished and the blender’s washed and put back up.”

“Look at that,” Chucho clicked his tongue against his teeth. “He cleans too.”

“Funny, pops.” Javier retorted as he strolled over to where you were sitting. “Real funny.”

Josie perked up the second she heard Javier’s voice, scrambling to get out of your arms. “Da-da!”

Javier stopped dead in his tracks, looking between you and Josie. “Did she just—?”

“Can you say it again?” You questioned, smoothing out her curls as you turned her in your arms so that she was reclining back against your chest and facing Javier. “Can you say daddy?”

Javier knelt down in front of you, grinning from ear-to-ear at Josie. “Come on, princesa. You know you want to say it.”

She clapped her hands together, rocking back against your chest. “D-d-d!” 

“Say daddy.” You kissed the top of her head. 

“Are you going to say daddy, JoJo?” Javier questioned, tapping his finger against her nose as he leaned in to kiss her cheeks. “Say daddy.” 

Josie let out a shrill squeal, “Dada!” 

You grinned down at him, “Javi!”

“Ha ha ha!” Josie cooed, tilting her head back against your chest to look up at you. “Da da da!”

Javier gave your knee a squeeze as he met your eyes, “Baby, you’re gonna have to pinch me.” He glanced back at his father then, “You hear that pops?”

“I sure did.” Chucho smiled at both of you. “You know, I think I’m gonna take the truck out and check on some work I sent the boys to sort out this week. I’ll be back before they show up.”

“You need any help?”

Chucho shook his head, “You stay right here, Javier.” He gave you a knowing look, before heading back in the house. 

“Are we sure she said daddy?” Javier questioned as he scooped her up, cradling her against his chest as she babbled nonsensically. 

“I am certain.” You assured him, your heart aching from just how happy you felt. The joy on Javier’s face made everything worth it. The nerves, the worry, the anxiety, the uncertainty. Those two people made it all worth it. 

This was the Javier that no one else saw. The Javier that was madly in love with the tiny baby girl that the two of you had brought into the world. The Javier that was looking forward to being a stay-at-home dad. 

“Now we’ve got to get you saying mommy.” Javier murmured to Josie as he bounced her in his arms. 

[arigatouiris]

of flowers and forgiveness // todoroki shoto

Author’s Note: Shoto is adorable and despite being a bit dense I’m sure he can love like no one else, fite me if you don’t agree.

I don’t really like Todoroki Enji, considering how abusive he’s been to his children but I am a firm believer of redemption and not forgiveness. Shoto’s decision is his, and I don’t want to write about that. However, I did write a bit about something I personally believe in—something I’ve done with my own family as well. I hope you guys like this, I’ve poured my heart and soul into this. I got this prompt from here~ All credits go to them!

Word count: 3532 

Pairing: Flower shop AU! Todoroki Shoto x Reader

Warnings: hurt/comfort, fluff

❝

When someone told Todoroki Shoto that he could give flowers to his father for his birthday, he flipped. 

Not in the usual ‘Are you kidding me?’ flipped, but a more subtle version of ‘I’m so disappointed in you’ flipped. 

Those close to Shoto knew of the strained relationship he shared with his father. It wasn’t something he considered a secret, it was just that he barely ever spoke of it and he was happier when he wasn’t reminded of being related to his father in the first place. Yes, there was a lot of loathing there, but it wasn’t uncalled for. He was very close to his siblings, as a matter of fact, and he loved his mother to death—but his father, well... He wasn’t aggressive with his father, but he sure as hell made it evident that there was no love there.

So when Todoroki Enji’s birthday actually arrived, he knew he had to get something—for the sake of it, considering his siblings were all getting their father something and Shoto didn’t want to be the only one without a gift. But, he didn’t want to please his father in any way. He didn’t want his father thinking Shoto forgave him at last, though that day was still quite far away, it wasn’t time yet for a father-son bonding to begin. 

Shoto wanted to give his father a gift that signified everything that went wrong in their relationship. It had to be subtle because that was how Shoto functioned, but it also had to be a screaming idea behind the subtlety. 

So, he asked his friend, Izuku Midoriya, on how to go about this.

     “Why don’t you get him flowers? I’ve heard that flowers each have meanings and you could give him meaningful flowers, correlating to whatever is in your heart?”

Shoto wasn’t sure. Flowers seemed like a good idea, but he had no clue as to what meaning flowers would have, he had no idea whom to approach regarding the meanings of flowers and he wasn’t confident enough to look it up on the internet on his own. He didn’t want to accidentally do a nice thing, so he had to be 100% sure. 

     “Todoroki-kun,” Iida, another friend of his, “You could visit a flower shop and ask the person there about it. I’m sure they can help.”

Which was what led Todoroki Shoto to your store. He stood outside the store, which smelled divine considering the number of fresh flowers stacked inside. He kept staring at the door, breathing to himself, concealing the nervousness of going to a flower shop for the first time. He had no idea who you were, he had no idea what to ask, he had no idea if this was even a good idea—but, there he was, under severe peer pressure, inching closer and closer to being numb.

     “Hello.” 

He almost jumped at the sound of your voice, which startled him. Turning behind him, he spotted you—holding a bunch of yellow flowers in your hand, inquisitive eyes staring at his form, a soft smile etched on your face (which didn’t help the nervousness bubbling inside him). You wore a white apron, track pants and your hair was gorgeous and your smile was making him faint. 

     “Hello.”

     “Are you looking for a flower?” You asked, tilting your head a little bit.

He nodded, before clearing his throat once. He wanted to find the right words, but just as he was about to ask,

     “Let’s go inside. It’s cold out.” You suggested, leading him inside the store.

Once inside, Todoroki stared at you as you placed the flowers amongst a bouquet, carefully, and headed to the counter. You blinked a couple of times before offering him a sweet smile, which by itself asked him, ‘How can I help you today?’

Todoroki looked at you before finding the words. He wasn’t sure if they were the right words, but he was glad they were words, regardless.

     “How do I passive-aggressively say ‘fuck you’ in flower?”

Your eyes widened at his choice of words, which seemed odd coming from him for some strange reason. He didn’t seem like the type to swear, he was wearing a dark blue jacket with a white tee inside, casual jeans—but his eyes were so gentle you thought you’d never come across someone whose eyes represented such calm. Not to mention, the story of the scar on his face... You were already sure he was handsome as heck, but the mere way he managed to utter that sentence made him all the more amusing.

He was very cute, and you found yourself giggling.

     “Are you giving a bouquet to someone you don’t like?”

Todoroki nodded, “It’s something like that. I don’t want to give them the wrong idea and give them a good flower. Not that flowers are bad, I just want them to signify disappointment.”

You giggled some more at how obvious he made his sentences sound. Todoroki blinked at you, before thinking for the fourth time since meeting you that you were cute, and waited.

     “Did I say something funny?”

You shook your head and apologized, “No, no... I was just startled, that’s all. People usually buy flowers from me to confess or apologize or do something nice. You’re the first one who’s using flowers for something like this.”

     “Is it a bad idea?” 

You shook your head again, “Not at all. I personally think it’s a great idea. It’s subtle and loud at the same time. Let me help you!”

Todoroki watched as you led him to an aisle of reddish-pink flowers. Todoroki’s eyes scanned them, they were beautifully laid out and arranged, but he had no idea what the flowers were.

     “I take it you don’t have any idea regarding the meanings of flowers?” You asked, folding your hands as you stood beside the male.

     “No, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

     “You came to the right place, please don’t apologize! These,” You picked up one flower and handed it to him, “Are horseshoe geraniums, see they’re shaped like a horseshoe?”

Todoroki nodded, “They look nice. What do they mean?”

     “Stupidity.” You said, chuckling.

A small smile sat on Todoroki’s face. He turned to you and noticed you were moving away, to the other side of the aisle. There was an array of purple flowers—not too pleasing to the eye. You handed another flower to him and looked at him analyzing it. 

     “Those are foxgloves,” Your eyes darted to the flower and then to him, “They represent insincerity.”

     “I never knew flowers could mean so many things.”

You nodded, “Not many do, as a matter of fact. But, when the time calls for it, flowers have a language spoken unlike any other. The meaning they deliver lasts longer than they do, actually. The impact—,” You made a ‘super’ sign with your hand, causing Shoto to smile at you, “—is intense!”

     “Would this do for a bouquet?” Shoto asked, curiously.

     “No, no. Two flowers falls a bit short on the number of flowers in a bouquet. Let’s make this hate bouquet with a bit more patience.” You suggested, earning a chuckle from him.

     “Hate bouquet is an appropriate name.”

You hummed before leading him to another aisle, before turning to him with inquisitive eyes. Shoto blinked at you, knowing you had a question but were unsure of how to ask it. He smiled warmly before gesturing through his eyes that you could ask him whatever you wanted, and he’d answer. He didn’t know why but he felt like he could trust you. Perhaps, it had something to do with the fact that you handled these flowers with such care, and the care displayed on your face and aura magnificently. 

It was a great feeling to have.

     “If I may be so bold, can I ask you who you’re giving this to?”

Todoroki blinked, “Oh, it’s for my father.”

Your eyes didn’t widen, your smile died slightly, and you blinked once. There was no look of pity or uncertainty in your features—just acceptance. You nodded once and turned to the flowers in front of you. Todoroki was surprised at your lack of a reaction but was grateful that you didn’t pry.

     “These are meadowsweets, they signify uselessness.”

Todoroki nodded once. 

     “They look...” 

You nodded before humming, “They don’t look appealing at all, do they?”

That earned another chuckle from Todoroki, which caused him to turn and look at you from the side. You were trying to pick out a few of the white flowers, with an intrinsic soft smile on your face. He almost couldn’t look away from you and considering the aura around you, Shoto truly believed he knew you better than he actually did. 

     “They’ve very appealing.” He blurted out, unaware.

You blinked before turning to spot him looking at you, which caused your eyes to widen just a little bit. You could feel your face redden, but before you could turn and avoid his gaze, you were lost. You really thought you could stare into his eyes forever, the way he looked at you—you wondered so many things that his eyes were trying to tell you; you wondered if this whole ordeal with his father was a minor spat that they shared, or if it was something far more severe. You wondered about his scar, but didn’t want to pry—you wondered about the years of pain he may have gone through, figuring out life on his own as you did too, and you wanted to know everything.

     “I can’t look away from you...” You whispered, but Shoto didn’t hear.

     “Yes?” He asked, desperately wanting you to repeat.

You snapped out of this reverie before clearing your throat and stepping back. Your face was bright red now, and there was no way you could look into his eyes again. 

     “These,” You guided him along another aisle beside the one you two were standing against, “Are carnations.”

     “They’re so...yellow.” Shoto said, unable to say anything else.

     “Yellow carnations are basically ‘you’ve disappointed me’. You give them to someone who’s caused you...” You turned to his direction said whispered, “...pain.”

     “Disappointment is pain?”

You nodded, “Pain varies. When certain people aren’t allowed to disappoint and they do, it causes us inexplicable pain. Pain to adjust to the disappointment and pain to let it go.”

Shoto froze. 

Suddenly, he felt the desperate need to touch you—he didn’t know where it came from, but he blamed the smell of the flowers and the air around you; you were the warmest person he had ever met, and he wanted to touch you—feel your hair against the tip of his fingers, smell your skin, feel it, learn of its texture and essence; Shoto just wanted to be very, very close to you and he had no idea how to make it happen without seeming like a creep.

     “We’re almost done,” You whispered, “Just one more flower to go.”

He didn’t know why he felt so bad at your choice of words right then. He followed as you led him to a counter of orange flowers, and stood beside you. He hoped you wouldn’t notice how close he stood beside you, your shoulders almost touching. He wanted to be close to you—he had never felt this attracted to someone in his entire life.

     “Orange lilies,” You said, grinning. “I really like how strong these flowers are. They are prideful. Represent hatred and disdain. They really aren’t flowers you gift someone.”

     “Why do you have them, then?” Shoto couldn’t help but ask.

     “I personally adore them,” You let out, a wistful look in your eye. “No one bats an eye toward them because everyone thinks they’re not flowers you give to people. But, I love them.”

     “Why?”

You turned to him with the warmest smile, you almost blinded Todoroki Shoto.

     “Because pride can mean many things, and is often not an absence of love.”

Shoto’s eyes widened. 

A moment later, you walked over to the counter—where there was a bench right behind and started making the bouquet. He watched you through it all, unaware of what to say, enjoying the comfortable silence that you offered. As he watched you, he was certain there were several traits about you that formed the entirety of your charm. Your warm smile was like winter fire on a rather cold, gloomy day; your inquisitive and kind eyes were like the hug Shoto grew up without; your voice bore into his soul, waking him up in the morning for a freshly brewed cup of coffee; your aura... Ah, your aura was what was driving him insane. 

But at the end of the day, Shoto knew that all these things, while they comprised of you, it was not just them. It was you—it was all you. 

When you handed him the bouquet, Shoto almost hesitated in taking it. He knew by taking the bouquet, he’d be ending this interaction; there won’t be any more reason for him to stay and watch her or talk to her or just bask in her presence. It was time for goodbye, and there was no more reason to even come to this store.

     “Do you like it?” You asked, handing him the bouquet.

Shoto took one look at the bouquet and felt his insides blossom with a strong emotion he had never felt before. It caused him to tear up just a little, before turning to look at you. You wore an unreadable expression on your face, one that balanced between understanding and sadness. What were you thinking of at that second? What was the emotion behind that face?

     “I do.” Shoto said, his voice low.

     “I think,” You said, unsure if you had to say it. Your eyes met his and Shoto literally begged you to say whatever was on your mind, “—I think, when you give your father this bouquet, make sure you put in every bit of loathing you have into it.”

     “...why?”

You smiled a second, but your eyes weren’t lit up like before. 

     “You have such kind eyes, you don’t deserve to carry around what these flowers represent.”

Shoto’s eyes widened at your words. You didn’t know his name, you didn’t know his story, you didn’t know anything about him and yet—you had said the same thing several others had told him before, but the way you said it made all the difference. Perhaps, it’s because it was coming from a stranger, he had no idea that eyes could be kind but here you were, telling him so earnestly, with no reason to lie, that his eyes were kind.

     “Thank you...” He didn’t know your name, and he so desperately wanted to know not just your name, but everything about you.

You smiled graciously at him before saying, “And on giving your father this bouquet, maybe, and I don’t mean this in any condescending way, maybe you can start to live again.”

     “What do you mean?”

You let out a breath and continued, “If you carry your childhood with you, you’ll never grow.”

Your words were simple but they carried so much meaning, it almost blew him off for a toss. The whole world was spinning around you, and you stood in the midst of it all—you wore chaos on your shoulders like you owned it, and perhaps you did. Your smile had the power to move galaxies.

     “Thank you,” Shoto found himself saying, not just for the bouquet but for so many other things that went wordlessly appreciated.

     “Really.” He finished, his eyes gleaming with an unexpectant hope.

You giggled before noticing Shoto’s hand on the counter. Taking a plunge, you placed your hand on top of his, feeling how cool his hand was. It was a cold day, you presumed his hands were cold because of that. Shoto noticed the gesture, but couldn’t look away from you.

     “Anytime.” You said, merely a whisper.

It was at that second did Shoto realize that to see you, was to be seduced by you. He shut his eyes before giving you the money and holding the bouquet close. He could have done a lot of things right then, but your words struck him hard—and he knew what he had to do. He didn’t need to do anything, nothing in particular, but somehow, without even knowing the story—you had caught on to the endless ache Shoto carried around with him everywhere he went.

It was time to drop off the baggage at home, where it belonged. He had no use for it.

When Shoto reached home, he noticed his father, brother, and sister sitting at the table. His eldest brother, Touya, wasn’t around—wouldn’t be either, considering the feud. Touya’s battle was his own, and Shoto didn’t have to worry about that. He had understood that fighting other battles requires conquering your own, and that meant facing what you hated.

What he hated.

     “This is for you,” Shoto said, handing the bouquet to his father. When Enji didn’t take it in the first glance, Shoto pushed it toward him with a force, unlike Shoto, “It’s a bouquet that represents my dissatisfaction in you.”

Fuyumi and Natsuo’s eyes widened, but there was nothing they could say. They looked at one another and kept their eyes focused on Shoto. Enji was merely just looking at his youngest with sharp eyes and an unreadable expression.

     “I had someone compile all the flowers that signify insincerity, disappointment, and hatred. This bouquet contains all my loathing for you in it.”

     “And this is a gift?” Enji asked, cocking an eyebrow.

     “Shoto—” Fuyumi began, but Shoto spoke up.

     “It is. If this bouquet contains all my loathing for you, then I don’t have to carry it around anymore. It’s exhausting. Hating you is exhausting.”

Enji’s eyes widened. His mouth opened, but no words came out.

     “This does not mean I forgive you. I won’t, not just yet. But I don’t hate you. All of that,” Shoto placed the bouquet on the table now, “Is in here. I’m done. This is your gift.”

Your gift is that your son doesn’t hate you anymore. 

     “Happy birthday, father.”

With that, Shoto walked out. He didn’t know what came over him but he was breathing heavily, and his eyes were filled with tears. He felt an overwhelming feeling of...something, but whatever that something was made him want to cry. He thought of everything in his life that led him to this point and never before had Shoto ever felt this sort of relief. He was finally free from his father, confident to do whatever he pleased, go wherever he desired, be whoever he wanted to be. 

Never in his life had he believed that going to a flower shop would want to make him move past his life. After all, the past was a story he kept telling himself over and over and over again, which made him slightly less ready to live in the present.

His legs carried him back to the flower shop as if he had been there so many times before. He noticed you there, watering some of the flowers, alone and wistfully gorgeous, and he paused. He walked over to you, and stood there, breathing heavily.

You turned and spotted him there, shock plastered all over your face, your mouth a bit ajar, but the shock cleared in an instant as a smile returned on your face. It was as if you were studying his eyes, staring into them for answers only you knew how to read, and upon finding what you needed to, your smile only grew.

     “So, it’s all gone?”

Shoto knew what you were asking about. He nodded, returning the smile.

     “I’m so glad. You deserve a light and unregretful heart.” 

     “Can I hold your hand?”

Your eyes met his once more before you nodded at his query, feeling his hand grasp yours. He looked down and watched as his hand covered yours, and your gaze followed his own—his hand enveloped yours and fingers entwined with one another. His hand was suddenly so warm, you felt tears in your eyes. He was carrying such a cold, dead weight on him. 

And now, it was all gone.

As his hand grasped yours, Shoto gave you all that you had been waiting for. A shiver down your spine.

You looked up into his eyes and noticed how the space between you was considerably smaller. You could feel your heart racing, but it was a good feeling, a warm feeling.

     “(y/n).” You said, whispering, looking straight into his kind eyes.

     “Shoto.” He said, before beginning to lean down.

And when his lips touched yours, your other hand flew to his cheek and grasped it, before kissing him back slowly. He kissed like he was unsure, but gradually, he thanked you as he kissed you. He told you he was alright now, he told you so many things you couldn’t put into words. 

But, Shoto understood one thing from the way you kissed him. And it was the one thing he had been begging to hear from a very, very long time.

You’re okay, Shoto. I’ve got you.

He was okay.

You’ve got him. 

❞

[fanfictionaries]

A Fine Line Between Lust and Hate - jbbuckybarnes Birthday Challenge

Thank you to @jbbuckybarnes for this fun writing challenge! Congratulations on over 900 followers and also happy 21st birthday! It’s a fun age, enjoy it! 

Prompt 1: Bookstore AU

Prompt 2: “Just gimme the book and fuck off!” 

Pairing: AU Bookstore!Bucky Barnes X female reader

Summary:  If there was one person you hated more than anyone else in the world it was James Buchanan “Call Me Bucky” Barnes. Or at least, you thought you did. As Bucky continues to press your patience, it becomes unclear as to whether it’s hate you feel, or lust. 

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: Swearing, smut, doggy style, oral (male receiving), NSFW/18+ only

Author’s Note: Man, I do love a good rousing debate over literature. 

***

You stood in one of the long aisles as you worked on putting the store’s most recent influx of donations on the shelves. The endless rows of historical memories stretched high above your head and all around you. However, the large stack in front of you currently sat untouched, a copy of Ernst Jünger’s Storm of Steel held tightly in your grasp, as you watched the events occurring at the front desk. Your coworker, James, was leant casually against the counter, once again ignoring his work duties as he openly and obnoxiously flirted with the woman in front of him.

God, you hated him. You hated his stupid long hair that he pulled up into a stupid bun. You hated his stupid tight jeans that hugged his thick thighs and his stupid red Henley that accentuated his muscular shoulders and arms. You hated his stupid handsome face that only fueled his overall cocky attitude. God, you absolutely hated James Buchanan ‘Call Me Bucky’ Barnes.

You hadn’t set out to hate him of course. Quite the opposite in fact. When your boss informed you of a new employee who wasn’t a billion-year-old woman, you had been ecstatic. Not to say you didn’t love Lucille, but to finally meet a person close to your age that loved books so much they were willing to work at the musty, expansive bookstore was a dream come true. For years now, you’d found yourself spending more time alone, tucked into the rows of books than you did with anyone your own age. You’d think that the kitschy bookstore would be a draw to the younger individuals in town, with the rise of intellectualism or at least the guise of intellectualism within today’s youth. Not to mention, the fact that it was nestled in between the cutest antique store and 50’s style diner. But, alas, it didn’t seem to be on trend for your town. Instead, you got the odd stragglers of older individuals who still enjoyed reading physical books, and local community college students looking to either sell or buy books for classes. That’s why the idea of coming into work every day to a coworker you could relate to was beyond wonderful. However, it hadn’t taken long for James to get so far under your skin, you practically wore him like a pair of itchy long johns.

It had started with his complete disregard for the books and their safety. As a self-proclaimed bibliophile, you took great pride in the care and safety of the books in the store. They were a mix of new and used, the older ones coming into your protective arms the moment you clocked the torn corners and dog-eared pages. You spent hours restoring them before putting them out to be appreciated by the next reader. That’s why, on his third day there when you’d spotted him using his copy of Catcher in the Rye as a coaster for his iced coffee, you’d nearly had an aneurysm. You wished that the situation was a one-time thing, but every time you turned a corner, he was bending spines, creasing pages, WRITING in the margins. He was a book sadist.

Then of course, there was the lackadaisical way in which he approached his job. Not once, not twice, but ten times in the last three months you had stayed late finishing work that had been assigned to him. Why did you do it, instead of letting him take the fall for shoddy work? Well, because it was always things that needed to be done either before the shop could close or before the shop could open. Closing out the till, turning off all the lights, locking the back door, fixing the displays, picking up the giant stack of books that had fallen near the back, changing a burnt-out light using the very old and very rickety ladder.

And lastly, the one thing you absolutely hated the most about him was just how incredibly flirty he was! From the very beginning, he took every opportunity to hit on you. At first it had been flattering, but incredibly jarring and confusing. What could he possibly want with you? He looked like that and you looked like, well people didn’t really want to date the weird bookstore girl that always smelled faintly of old books. Then, it had all come into focus. James flirted with everyone. Not just you. Everyone. The moment a woman under the age of forty walked through those front doors, James was there with his stupid charming ways; “Can I help you with anything today?” “What’s a beautiful woman like you doing in here today?” “I knew a woman of your caliber would have good taste in books.” All the while, he’d chance little glances your way, smirking at you and raising his eyebrows slightly. It was all a game to him. Prick.

“Now, see, that is a fantastic choice. I knew the moment you walked in you had good taste,” stated James pointing down at the copy of The God of Small Things that was currently clutched to the woman’s chest in her perfectly manicured hands. You rolled your eyes. Ridiculous. You glanced over again to see James smirking in your direction before he walked the woman to the front door and waved her goodbye, shutting and locking the door behind her. Last customer of the day. You sighed, turning back to the stacks in front of you and swiftly putting the books back into place. The quicker you got this done, the quicker you would be out of there and away from James’ mocking face and overall itchy personality. You continued to put the books away, probably harsher than you should have, as you listened to the faint sounds of James closing out the till. Well, at least he was doing that today. I knew the moment you walked in you had good taste, you mocked him in your head, huffing and puffing at just how infuriating he was. You winced at a particularly harsh shove of a book into the shelve. Quickly, you pulled it out and inspect the corners and sides of the hard cover.

“Careful there—” a pair of large hands came into your line of site, snatching the book from your hands “—What did Michael Herr ever do to you?”

“Nothing,” you huffed, turning to grab the book back, but coming up unsuccessful. “Although, I really would prefer it if you didn’t allow customers to stay so late past closing.”

“Why? Got somewhere to be? Hot date?” James asked, circling around you to lean against the bookshelves to your right.

You snorted, “As if that’s any of your business.”

“Come on. Lighten up a little bit (Y/N). She needed help finding a good book for her English class,” said James, pulling the book out of reach as you attempted to grab it back from him once again.

“Okay,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes and reaching back down to the stack of books remaining on the cart to your left.

“What? You got something against Indian authors writing about caste relations and cultural tensions?”

“No, but I think if Roy tried to squeeze one more literary device into the text, the book would literally explode. Nobody genuinely enjoys a work where the author is intentionally trying to be clever. It’s obnoxious,” you said as you continued to put the books into their correct spaces as quickly as possible.

“Oh, so I guess you don’t care for Shakespeare then? What about Vonnegut, Anne Rice, Tolkien? Every author thinks they’re clever (Y/N). If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be writers,” said James, crossing his arms and leaning towards you condescendingly.

“That’s-that’s just ridiculous,” you responded lamely, placing the last book in your pile away.

“Oh really? Then please, oh smart one, name a single author who didn’t take themselves so seriously that it didn’t bleed through their work in some way,” James challenged, once again pulling the book in his hands away from your reaching hands.

You stood there, glowering at the man in front of you as you tried to come up with some king of answer. “C. S. Lewis,” you blurted out, wanting to kick yourself at the obviously stupid answer.

A barking laugh left James, “Oh come on. The man spent most of his career preaching Christian values and what it means to be moral. He even went so far as to write a short story on what the afterlife looks like and how to get into heaven. Or are we just going to pretend like The Great Divorce didn’t happen? Just because he wrote a bunch of entertaining children’s stories bathed in Christian symbolism with little effort does not mean that he didn’t take himself seriously.”

His astute criticism caught you off guard and peaked your anger, mainly because to a certain extent he was right. That didn’t mean you were going to let him know that though, “Excuse you! I’ll have you know he wrote The Great Divorce after the death of his wife. What else was he supposed to write about? You know what James—”

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Bucky?”

“Just gimme the book and fuck off!”

Your eyes widened at your outburst. You’d never spoken to anyone like that before in your life. Opening your mouth to apologize, you quickly closed it when James sighed heavily and pushed himself off of the bookshelf. He stared at you, his eyes calculating as he closed the space between you, slamming the good on the shelf behind your head. You jumped, turning so that you faced him head on, your back to the endless rows of books. James placed an intimidatingly large arm on either side of you, bracing himself against oak shelves. You swallowed thickly at the sheer size of him. Your pulse quickened. He had never been this close to you.

“You know what (Y/N)? I think you’re just jealous,” James murmured, tilting his head dangerously low to yours.

“Jealous? Of what?” you asked, your voice embarrassingly breathy, as your head began to swim. He was so close. So close you could smell his cologne, a musky warm scent mixed with the fresh scent of soap and…old books? Subtly, you tried to inhale more of the tantalizing smell without James noticing. But one glance up and you could see that familiar smirk and cocky gleam in his eye.

“Me, and every woman that walks in here ready to fuck me in the encyclopedia section.”

You gasped at his words, “That’s ridiculous. Why would I be jealous of that?”

“Because you want to fuck me in the encyclopedia section.”

“I—I do not—I do not want to—I hate you!”

James leaned closer, his nose brushing against yours, “Doesn’t mean you don’t want to fuck me—” His head titled, his lips brushing across your cheek, your jawline, and then to the shell of your ear. “—Just say the word and I’ll take you right there. Right then. Any time. Any day.”

You shivered at the offer. Never had his flirting gone this far. Sure, James had given you a flirtatious smile and charming little comment here and there, but never had he come close to propositioning you. You should say no. You hate him. He’s everything you despise and yet…

“Fuck it.” Rising up on the tips of your toes, you wrap your arms around his neck and press your lips to his in a searing kiss. James’ lips claim yours, never hesitating for a second, as if expecting it. The soft skin of his plush lips a stark contrast to the harsh way in which you both battled for dominance. Every ounce of anger, frustration, and tension that you held towards him fought its way through your body as you nipped, bit, and tugged. James’ hands moved from the bookshelf to your body, gripping your hips and tugging you harshly against him, revealing the same level of pent up aggression. His hands traveled upwards, cupping your breasts through your sweater, roughly massaging them as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. Threading your fingers into his hair, you tugged harshly earning you a growl from James. Breaking away from the kiss just long enough to pull your sweater up and over your head, your bodies reconnected, the feel of your bare torso against him feeling oh so right. You continued to hang onto him for dear life, as his kisses left you breathless and needy. Bringing a leg up around his hip, your pelvis rocked against him, searching for any kind of friction as you climbed him like a tree.

“Eager, aren’t we?” James teased, hands moving down to harshly grasp your ass and lift you up. Wrapping your legs around his hips, you allowed him to carry you the brief distance away from the bookshelves and lower you onto the rough carpet floor. Trailing kisses down your neck and towards your breasts, he roughly yanked the cups of your bra down before taking a nipple between his teeth. You arched into his mouth, loving the sting as he bit down.

“God, I knew you’d be a fucking little minx,” panted James, sitting up on his knees. “Look at you all sexy and needy. Just had to get you to let go.”

Pushing up onto your elbows, you stared up at him, “Shut the fuck up and take your shirt off James.”

Swinging his hand down, he swatted the inside of your thigh, “The name’s Bucky, babe.”

Your head fell backwards at the contact and your pussy clenched as you moaned low. Sitting up, you ripped his shirt from his torso and threw it behind you before pushing him down onto the ground. You made quick work of removing your bra, shoes, and pants before reaching for his belt buckle. This time it was his turn to push up onto his elbows as he watched your near naked form, undo his belt and then his pants. You tugged at his pants and then his boxers in a desperate manner, James kicking off his shoes and socks to held aid in their removal. Finally, when he was naked before you, you took a moment to admire the lean curves of his muscular form and the thick cock that sat just below his belly button, nestled in a patch of short brown curls.

Running your nails lightly up and down his thighs, you smirked as he writhed below you, sucking in a harsh breath through his teeth. Lowering yourself slowly, you positioned yourself between his thick thighs and grasped the base of his cock in your hand, wasting no time in wrapping your lips around the head and swirling your tongue around him. Bucky cursed, low and sexy as you took him in your mouth. You worked him with your lips and tongue as your moved lower and lower. Spit gathered in your mouth as you breathed through your nose, giving your all into pleasuring the man below you. You wanted to once and for all wipe the smirk off of James “Bucky” Barnes’ face. When you made it almost all the way to the base, you hollowed your cheeks, sucking as you massaged the vein on the underside of his cock with your tongue. His hands flew to the back of your head, fingers lacing in your hair and gripping tight. He held onto you for dear life as you attempted to suck the soul out of him through his dick alone.

“Jesus Christ! Fuck! (Y/N),” he yelled, his body shuddering. When you slipped down the last few inches, allowing his cock to slip easily down your throat, he stilled, body rigid before he pulled you off of him with a curse.

You fell backwards onto your hands, spit coating your lips and drool falling down your chin as you breathed in deeply. A low growl escaped James’ throat as he launched himself at you, flipping you onto your stomach, and ripping your panties down your legs. His hands found your center in no time, his fingers delving deep into your core easily, aided by the embarrassing amount of arousal there. James fingered you, curving and finding that special spot inside of you that made your see stars. You yelped, bucking your hips back against him. His teeth sunk into the supple flesh of your ass.

“You’re god damn dripping down my arm (Y/N). Did sucking my cock turn you on that much?”

“Yes!” you admitted, continuing to rock your hips against him. Pulling his fingers from you, you whimpered at the loss of contact. The loss was only temporary though, as soon James was pulling your hips up, placing you back on your knees, face still pressed against the carpet as he lined his cock up with your entrance. There was no slow and delicate start. No, in one swift thrust, he was seated fully inside of you, hands firmly grasping your ass as he began to fuck you at a punishing pace.

“Fucking hell baby. Your pussy is like a vice-grip. I don’t think I’m going to last long,” he admitted, continuing to pound into you, his balls slapping against your clit with every thrust. He reached down, finding your clit and rubbing light, fast circles around it until you began to feel the familiar pressure building in your lower abdomen.

“Yes! Bucky! Fuck. Just like that, don’t stop!” you cried, desperate to reach your climax. The carpet scraped against your skin, sure to leave burns after. But you didn’t care. The only thing you cared about was the delicious stretch of your cunt around Bucky’s cock and your imminent orgasm.

“That’s it, baby. Say my fucking name again. Say my name as you cum all around me.”

You chanted his name over and over again, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, until finally you were approaching the edge and falling over. Your body shuddered and hips bucked as you came, loving the feeling of every hard ridge of Bucky’s thick cock inside of you. A few seconds late, he was pulling out of you and then you felt the warm streams of cum splashing across your ass. You collapsed fully onto the carpet below you, Bucky falling after you and rolling to lay beside you. You laid there, in post-orgasmic bliss. The feeling of Bucky’s fingertips trailing up and down your spine soothing you down from your high. After a little while, the two of your stood up and began to redress. Bucky, ever the gentleman, told you to wait as he ran to the front counter and came back with some tissues before wiping up the mess he had made on your ass.

Once you were both dressed, you finished closing up the store. Neither of you spoke, instead choosing to spare the other furtive little glances as you turned out the lights and locked the door behind you both.

“Looks like the diner is still open. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” Bucky asked, looking down at you giving you a small, shy smile that you’d never seen on him before.

His question caught you off guard. He wanted to buy you coffee. “Oh, Bucky. You don’t have to feel obligated to—”

“—I don’t feel obligated. I, um, I want to.” He swallowed thickly, almost as if he was nervous. Was he nervous? “I know we just, well, I know we skipped a few steps, but I actually do want to take you out. I’ve been trying to hint it to you for the past three months.”

“So, all the flirting with the customers…?”

“Was me stupidly trying to make you jealous,” laughed Bucky, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets.  

“Ah,” you said, a smiling spreading across your face, “How about you buy me a coffee and tell me all your thoughts on Brontë.”

“How much time do you have?” asked Bucky with an exaggerated groan.

Holding your hand out to him, you reveled in the feel of his warm palm connecting with yours, “All the time in the world.”

Marvel Taglist:

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[final-girl96]

Hate That I Love

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Daryl Dixon x Grimes!OC

Slow Burn Relastionship

Warnings: language, violence, abuse, sexual content, little bit of depression, anxiety

Chapter 40

I had woke up from a loud clap of thunder. I noticed I was laying on something and looked down. Nope, I was laying to someone. That someone being Daryl. The doors were rattling and I heard the growls of walkers.

"Daryl," I said shaking him.

"Hmm?" He hummed.

"Get up. There walkers at the doors. The storms blowing the doors open!" I said and stood up.

Daryl jumped up and we ran over to the doors. We put both hands on the doors and tried to keep them shut. Everyone else waking up and coming over to help.

After the storm settled and we didn't hear the walkers anymore we all went back to sleep.

Later in the morning Maggie and Sasha came back with a man. Said his name was Aaron and he was a community. He told Rick he had photos him his bag. Said he had been following us for days and thinks we would make great additions to the group.

Rick of not trusting anything he said had us go out where the vehicles were and check around to check that it wasn't an ambush. Once we saw he was telling the truth we argued about going to the community or not.

Rick didn't want to go. He didn't trust the man. But in the end, we did end up going. We met up with Eric who was Aaron's boyfriend. He had twisted his ankle running from walkers. We were in some old buildings.

We were waiting for Rick, Glenn, Michonne, and Aaron to come to meet us. I knelt in front of Eric and looked over his ankle. "It's just sprained. Just need to keep off of it for a while," I told him as I bandaged it up.

"Are you a nurse?" He asked.

"No. I'm a doctor," I told him. "Dr. Nikyla Grimes."

The next morning we headed towards the community called Alexandria. Pulling up to tall walls and a gate. We walked in and Aaron leads us to Deanna the leader's place.

The place was untouched. It looked completely normal like the world never ended. People were living like dead people were walking around eating people.

We stopped in front of the house and Aaron explained that Deanna would want to talk to us all separately. Rick had gone first. When he came out he told me it was my turn.

I walked into the house and a living area. "Please sit," I heard a woman say and looked over to see a woman sitting on the couch.

I sat in a chair in front of her. I hope you don't mind me filming this," she said and I shook my head.

"Please state your name," she said.

"Nikyla Grimes," I said.

"Do you relate to Rick?" She asked.

"He's my brother," I said.

"So, Nikyla, what did you do before all this?"

"I was in medical school. I was in my residency," I said.

"Wow. You're so young and you were a resident already?" She said

"I graduated high school when I was 16. Skipped three grades," I said.

"Wow, so your the doctor for the group?"

"Yes,"

"Were you in a particular field?" She asked.

No, I was kinda just helping in the emergency department," I said.

"Well, we do have a doctor here. He's a surgeon. Maybe you can work with him in the infirmary," she said.

Yeah, I guess. I can go now?" I asked.

"Of course. Could you send Daryl in please," she said and I walked out of the house and down the steps.

'Daryl, you're up," I told him.

After everyone did we were lead to two big houses. We check them both put but decided to all stay in the biggest one together still not trusting this place. I walked upstairs and into a bedroom. There was a large queen-sized bed and a walk-in closet that had clothes in it. I went through the clothes.

I found a pair of jeans and a tank that looked like would fit me and I head into the bathroom attached to the bedroom.

I turned the shower on expected only cold water but I figure I check. Once the water started heating my mood changed from crappy to happy.

I stepped into the shower and let the hot water wash over me and wash all the dirt, blood, and grime off of my body and out of my hair. After I was finished washing I got out and wrapped the fluffy towel around me. I stood at the sink and brushed my teeth and my hair before getting dressed and walking outside.

Daryl was sitting on the porch with the opossum he killed. He was gutting it. "You gotta do that now?" I asked.

He turned and looked at me "pfft," he huffed.

"What?" I asked.

"So what, your trust this place?" He said.

"Daryl, I wanted to be clean. Just because I got a shower does not mean I trust this place. But we need to give it a chance. It's better than being out there," I told him.

Later that night we all gathered pillows and blankets and slept in the living room. Deanna came over to see how we were settling in. She wanted Rick and Michonne to be constables. She hasn't figured out what job would be good for Daryl yet. She walked over to me and stood in front of me.

"Nikyla I wanted to give you these," she said handing me a white lab coat and stethoscope.

"Thanks I have my stethoscope though so I won't need that," I said taking the coat.

The next more I got dressed and put the lab coat on and grabbed my stethoscope. And went outside to head to the infirmary. I saw Daryl on the porch cleaning his crossbow. "I hose you down!" I heard Carol yell as she walked down the street.

"You look ridiculous!" He yelled back.

"You ever going to shower?" I asked him.

He looked up and scuffed. "What now?" I asked.

"Now that you're back to being in the white coat you think you're better than the rest of us?" He said.

"Excuse me? What the hell is up your ass? I did nothing to you. And I sure the hell don't think I'm better than anyone!" I yelled.

"Whatever," he said.

I scuffed and walked down the steps "Yeah, whatever is right, Dixon. Take a fucking shower!" I yelled and walked towards the infirmary.

Authors Note: If anything in the warning bothers you please do not read. I do not own The Walking Dead or it characters. I only own my characters that I make up. Something's may be out of order I'm going to try and follow the time line but It might change a little with the new character added. It starts in season 1 I like to start from the beginning. Please like, reblog, and comment if you like the story it really helps me get motivated to continue and helps me know what you'd like to see. And please if you like to read this as you feel free to do so. I understand some people my rather read as themselves I know I do sometimes. Thanking you for reading! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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[soft1hours]

an arduous relation

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A/N: first time writing angst, i hope it’s any good. it took a lot of willpower to post this lol. btw probably making this into a series bc its already too long and rn im too tired to see straight.. anyway enjoy and feel free to leave any requests or feedback :) luv u 

Characters: Warren Worthington III, Kurt Wagner

Warnings: angst, mentions of drinking, complicated relationship? low self esteem, language

-----------------------

They were just like fire and ice. One, warmhearted and welcoming yet still keeping you at a safe distance. The other, cold, almost stone like with their ‘fuck the world’ face as they easily push you away, just like everybody else.

So how come, this fire and this ice, actually stand each other? How come they’ll die if they stay too long yet insists on ‘five more minutes in your arms’. How long does it take to realize an illusion? It’s an unexplainable bond formed for them only, for only them to understand. The outside world being too much for them to handle, so they make their own. Only if it lasted. Was it in vain all along?

----

Drowning in his own tears he couldn’t help but picture the look on Warrens face. Were they really that bad for each other? Did he really mean the wrongfully hurtful words that spilled out of his mouth just moments ago, or was it just another act? Warren had his so called lover on the edge of his seat nearly all the time. The forming of a relationship instead forming into a lump, a tumor in his throat from all the bottled feelings too threatened to mold into logical or even rational sentences. That’s what it felt like for him, Warren had told his oh so beloved partner. A sentence to death is what it’d felt like being stuck with Kurt. All he ever wanted was love. Love he found, yet love he betrayed. 

With Warren long gone all he could do was wait. Kurt being way too familiar with Warren leaving just to come back within the next 12 hours. Yet in the pit of his stomach it didn’t feel right this time, it felt as if his entire world was falling beneath him. Warren would be back right? With little to no energy left in his fragile body, Kurt found the nearest cushion and fell head first into a deep slumber.

He hates this, Warren has a feeling deep in his soul that won’t go away. He has to go back to Kurt, he can’t stand hurting him like this everytime. “I’m not good enough” spins in circles in Warrens mind. Because he’s not good enough, that’s just how it is. He does a lot of bad stuff, all the time. Why would anybody want a nobody like him? Warren has no choice but to open the oh so familiar bottle of whatever liquor he’s about to devour. He is already to far gone, no stopping now.

Kurt feels lost as he wakes slowly. How long has it been? Fifteen minutes or three hours? He can’t tell and to be honest, he doesn’t care anymore. No amount of time would seem to cover up the scar his boyfriend left him with. He dreaded the thought of getting out of bed, but eventually did so anyway after feeling the pulling wrench in his stomach. 'Anxiety' Kurt thought to himself as he slid of off the comfortorting fabric of his bed. His slim figure shadowing the already dark halls of his apartment, he let his feet drag him to the nearest chair. Hair messy and eyes puffy from sleep his stomach made another twist as he saw what lay before him.

A note.

Warren? No, when would he have the time-. His thoughts came to a halt as he read the neat handwriting beneath his slender fingers. Professor X? A note from his teacher urging him to summon himself to a meeting this evening. That explained why he hadn't seen it lying around earlier. Him and his telekinesis powers. He pondered for a minute then threw a look at the clock neatly hung between two windows to his left.

6 pm, sharp. That's countable for evening, right? Kurt grumbled as he weakly stood up from the wooden chair. Warren always had him so vulnerable when he left, as if half of his body mass just slowly disappeared and he was left with a weaker version of himself to rot.

He returned to his dimmly lit room as he didn't really look presentable enough at the moment. Picking up a pair of newly washed jeans and a sweater he decided to swiftly brush through his hair a couple times. After giving himself a crooked half smile through the dirty mirror he imagined the grand school doors infront of him, a second later and he was stood right at the gate of the Xavier school.

"Probably just another patrolling or minor mission" Kurt hope-whispered for himself. As he slid through the thick walls of his school he soon found himself bumped into a masculine, tall chest. As he stumbled on his still wobbly knees he looked up to apologise to the male-

Warren.

There he stood, as tall and blonde as ever, yet not as smug and smirking as he usually was seen to be. Instead a frown painted his features and he opened his mouth to speak. If it only weren't for Professor X booming over the great entry with his big voice. "Ah, Warren, Kurt, glad to see you made it in time. I was getting a little worried there." He sounded awfully cheery today, like he was hiding something.

--------------------

[clan-sayeed-fic]

Let me earn your trust (Kamilah Sayeed & MC)

Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Book: Bloodbound (property of Pixelberry Studios) Pairing: Kamilah Sayeed & MC: Amy (I do not own those characters, they're the property of Pixelberry Studios as well) Warnings: some fluff again, strong language (Idk if I’m even using strong language, English swear words seem so "light") Rating: Mature Author's note:  I'm not a native English speaker, I'm sorry for any mistakes (feel free to correct me).

This one and next chapter/s will be dedicated more to the relation between Amy and Kamilah. Let's take a rest from the drama, shall we?

~ 1700 words

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Chapter 9

Time passed.

Lily was living in Adrian's apartment, getting adjusted to her new skills.

Adrian was spending most of the time at work, taking Lily with him so she would get used to being surrounded by vampires. But most importantly, she was spending days around humans. And that was the only way to teach her how to keep the hunger under control.

Kamilah was mostly outside. She was spending half of the day at Ahmanet Financial. And the other half with Lily, showing her how to live as a vampire. Even after coming back home, Kamilah was disappearing inside her office or bedroom.

There was no time to test Amy's abilities. She was still living at Kamilah's penthouse mostly because both of the CEO's wanted to protect her. Or in other words, keep an eye on her. But Lily's adjustment was a priority to everyone at that moment.

So Amy lived there, feeling terribly alone.

During the first days, she stayed mostly in her room. But since Kamilah was out all day, Amy spent more time in the rest of the apartment. The first thing she liked to do in the morning was to let some sunshine inside by opening the curtains. Then, she basically watched TV all day till she got irked.

After a few days, Amy found out about the roof access. Since then, it was her favorite place to pass the time. She liked the feeling of the sun on her skin, the air which brushed her hair effortlessly. Besides, she had a great view of the city from up there.

It was one of those times when Amy was sitting on the roof. More specifically, she was lying there. Her eyes were concentrated on the sky, observing the clouds moving slowly.

It's been exactly two weeks since she moved to Kamilah's penthouse. Her mind subconsciously drifted to one of a few memories of their moments spent together.

It had happened soon after Amy's moving in. Equally short before Kamilah distanced herself.

*

Amy left her room after she finished decorating it. She wanted to call Kamilah and show her the result. But when she found the woman in the living room, the view made her forget about everything.

Kamilah was sitting in the armchair, with her glasses on. She wore an elegant white shirt and navy blue jeans. Her necklace was laying on the coffee table, her straight hair tucked behind the left ear so it wouldn't bother her. She looked so peaceful at that moment.

Amy saw a newspaper in her hands. It made her chuckle and lean against the wall, with crossed arms.

Kamilah lifted her gaze, glaring at the girl. It made Amy lose her sense of humor and move unsurely. Suddenly nothing seemed so silly about Kamilah reading a newspaper for Amy. She became deadly serious.

"Can I help you somehow?" Kamilah was having fun watching how Amy felt intimidated by her presence.

Amy brushed her long hair with fingers and came closer, acting insecure. She sat on the couch in front of the woman.

Amy felt an unbelievable urge to get to know her. She could already tell that Kamilah won't share with her the most private part of her life. But Amy didn't care, she wanted to talk about anything: weather, her favorite color, food.

Finally, she found the right words.

"How can you stand without the feel of the sun on your skin?" That was the first thing that came to Amy's mind since the room has been illuminated by artificial light.

"You can get used to it, with time," Kamilah answered shortly, and went back to reading, feeling the girl’s eyes watching her closely.

Amy couldn't take her eyes off her. Kamilah's features were perfect. Her ideal, a little upturned nose, high cheekbones. The full lips... so kissable. Amy shook her head, trying to avoid those thoughts.

"What about food?" She asked again, knowing that Kamilah could get irritated soon. The woman gave her an uneasy look. "What? You're not working right now, and you're not in your office or bedroom," Amy smiled, making jokes to ease the tension.

"I'm starting to regret that," the woman muttered, putting the newspaper aside. Kamilah took her glasses off, paying her full attention to Amy, "I suppose you know what we consume."

"I meant, real food," Amy was happy that she decided to talk to her, "can you eat human food? I mean, you did at the party, but does it taste the same?"

Kamilah's eyes went down on Amy's lips before meeting her eyes.

"Nothing tastes better than a blood after you're turned," she was searching for a hint of fear, but there was none. "Now, my turn," Kamilah started to like this game. "How did you manage to make Priya fire one of her waitresses?"

Amy shifted uncomfortably on the couch after reminding herself about that night.

"I just told her to let her go," Amy looked at her own hands, "she would have choked her to death."

Kamilah felt anger rising inside, she hated this stupid vampire. She couldn't understand what such a wasted creature was still doing as the Clan Leader.

"That was impressive," Kamilah said, making Amy blush.

"That was the right thing to do," she said, swallowing hard.

Kamilah kept her gaze a little longer before putting her glasses on and reaching for the newspaper again.

"And for the record, I am working," Kamilah said, "just not in my office,"

"Oh," Amy felt bad for interrupting her, she stood up quickly and turned toward her room, "I'm sorry then."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, dear," Kamilah's kept her eyes on the newspaper.

Amy smiled one last time looking at the woman before leaving her alone.

*

Amy took a deep breath at this memory.

She tried to catch Kamilah so many times since then, but she was always coming back at different hours. Mostly, extremely late hours.

Amy's thoughts traveled to the clouds. It was a beautiful day.

The sky reminded her of a painting. Each small cloud looked like a variation of brush strokes.

The colors varied between cold shades of blue and warm reds. Creating the most magnificent contrast, at the same time, leaving the feeling of warmth in Amy's chest.

***

Kamilah returned home from her work remarkably late, even for her.

She needed to deal with the problem at her company first. Training Lily took a lot out of her. Let alone the upcoming Council meeting about Adrian turning someone without permission.

As long as she didn't care that much about the newly turned vampire, she would not forgive herself if something happened to Adrian. The Council had its rules, and the ones that didn't follow them had to be punished. Kamilah was the senior member of the Council. And it was her responsibility to choose the punishment. The woman couldn't even imagine how she would be able to do this objectively when it was Adrian that they were talking about. This whole situation made her highly stressed. And Kamilah was dealing with the stress in the only way she knew.

Inside of her, not letting it show to anyone.

Kamilah stepped out of the elevator. Typically Amy would be in her room since it was nighttime. But this time, something was different. At first, she saw a faint light coming from the living room, then she heard a TV playing.

When the woman went inside, she saw Amy curled on the couch, asleep. Kamilah smiled softly at this view since she didn't see her for a long time. She approached slowly and turned off the TV. Kamilah grabbed the blanket to cover Amy's body when the girl moved, waking up.

Amy opened her eyes slowly. Kamilah was unsure what she should do at this moment. Feeling weirdly unsettled, she decided to leave the girl alone. That's when Amy lifted herself on elbows and spoke to her.

"I was waiting for you," she reached for the phone to check that it was 2 a.m.

"For what reason?" Kamilah was not prepared for Amy to say something like this.

"I'm going fucking crazy in here," Amy cursed and rubbed her eyes, trying to wake herself up.

"I'm certain that this talk can wait till morning." Kamilah frowned at Amy's attitude.

Amy stood up quickly when she saw that Kamilah was on her way to hide in her office again. She could not let this happen.

"No, it can not," no response, "Kamilah!"

Amy was shocked with herself and momentarily lost confidence when she saw the woman freezing at her raised voice.

"I'm..." Amy wanted to apologize right away, but Kamilah interrupted, turning around to face her.

"Don't be," her eyes dark. Kamilah was tired after a long day, long two weeks to be precise. She sat on the chair in the dining room. "I'm all ears."

Amy regretted starting it. Seeing Kamilah so exhausted, it made her feel guilty. It was easy to say from Amy's appearance as she hung her head and stepped from one foot to the other nervously.

"It's alright," Kamilah encouraged her. "I won't bite," a forced smile.

"I mean," Amy tried to find words under Kamilah's piercing gaze. "It's not fair."

A short laugh.

"It's not fair?" Kamilah repeated ironically.

"Yes," Amy said, trying to prove her point, "I haven't seen you in two weeks. I haven't seen anyone in two weeks," she pointed out. "I'm following your rules and staying here. Even if I can leave, and you won't have a clue where I would go."

It didn't go as good as Amy thought it would. She couldn't remember the exact same words that she prepared for this conversation.

"What do you suggest?" Kamilah asked patiently.

"I don't know," Amy wasn't expecting this question. "Maybe you could take me with you to your work. Let me do anything."

"All right," two words, life-changing for Amy. "Be ready at 6 in the morning. I don't tolerate lateness," Kamilah stood up and locked herself in the office without another word.

Amy was even happier than she assumed. With a bright smile on her face, she went to bed, looking forward the next day.

Next chapter: 10

---------------------

tag list: @onyxgaytrash, @lightning-fury, @scarlet-letter-a0114, @caliseds

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

PENUMBRA LIVE

I just got home from seeing Juno Steel and the Train From Nowhere Live, and I have SO MANY EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS AND THINGS I WANT TO TELL YOU GUYS 

so full reaction under the cut. Obviously, massive spoilers for the live show, so don’t read if you plan on buying the recording and want to experience it for the first time that way. 

Something you guys should know: AS I WROTE THIS, Alice Chuang (whom I met at the show) DM’ed me on Twitter and we have been chatting back and forth for a while now, I am LITERALLY TEXTING ALICE CHUANG AS I WRITE THIS. 

Okay. Holy cow. First of all, the obvious: the show was amazing, the actors were all crazy talented, the energy of the crowd was great, I had a fantastic time and am so happy I went. The music, sound, and lights were really cool, minimalist, but conveyed the show tone beautifully. 

And THE COSTUMES!! Not sure who picked them, but they were perfect. Joshua had the same trench coat/white shirt/jeans combo from the last liveshow, but for Dahlia Rose he wore a lacy white blazer that also had pink flowers on it. It looked very good on him and his face when Juno says “You bought me clothes?!” was hysterical. Engstrom and Valencia were elegant and totally creepy. M Sutherland had a red and grey suit and waistcoat; he also had eye makeup but it was a little more subtle. Valencia was in a gorgeous shiny red dress and lounge singer black gloves up to her elbows. Those were all cool, but nothing is EVER gonna top Noah’s Nureyev outfit, which was a pair of black pants, white shirt, black tie, and a black and white striped corset with the tie tucked into it. You may be thinking, “oh, HG, that just sounds like a waistcoat” nope!!!! It was like actually a corset! He also had killer eyeliner. For most of the show he wore a black blazer, but as Duke Rose he wore this crazy glittery golden blazer covered in sequins. It was gaudy and he rocked it, it suited Duke so perfectly! 

Those four made up the main cast, but there were two other actors - first of all, Kate Jones, obviously, as Miasma. She had ghostly white makeup and covered her face and head with a white shawl. That, plus the fact that the lights turned red whenever she stepped on stage, made the perfect creepy vibe. She had a lot more lines in this than the original - Juno would refer to her voice in his head a lot, and every time, she came out and said something creepy. She was on a little raised stage behind the rest of the cast so she was glaring down at him and it was just asdggkfj;fldj a it was so cool. 

Then there was another cast member I totally did not anticipate - Melissa DeJesus (Quanyii) played the Ruby7! She also worked props, so when Juno was talking about Nureyev’s coat, she held it up, when the bell rang during the card game she rang it, and she also played Miasma’s assistant pointing the gun at Nureyev (it was a cardboard rifle, they also used it when Juno had to shoot out of the car). For the Ruby7 she held a steering wheel and stood in front of Joshua and Noah making the car noises into a microphone or with a whistle. Also she had a necklace shaped like a license place that said “Ruby7″. It was such a cute way to show the car, which some of you may remember was something I was speculating wildly about when I first bought the ticket. Every time Nureyev mentioned how great the Ruby7 was she would vamp and at one point she blew him a kiss and he blew one back it was so adorable.

i’ve been typing for a half hour and I haven’t even gotten into the actual show yet

Before the show even started, there was amazing energy. I bought two posters from Kat Buckingham, who was working the merch stand, found a great seat, chatted with the people sitting near me, and just felt the excitement. There were so many amazing costumes, and like a third of people were wearing ear cuffs with chains in honor of Peter (I was among this number). Kevin Vibert made some announcements about emergency exits and whatnot, and then the lights dimmed. There were two curtains on opposite sides of the performance area, Joshua and Noah FLIPPED OPEN the curtains on different sides and just did this power walk to the mics in the middle while all of us audience members screamed and cheered for a solid minute, it was glorious. 

Almost immediately I noticed a change to the script - they added a subplot about an additional Martian artifact Miasma had stolen, called the Key of something I don’t know how to spell, which apparently locks away any concept, like locking away sound around a person (this was revisited during the assassin bit). When Nureyev mentioned the key Juno said something like, “Wait, I don’t think that’s how this is supposed to happen” which was a cute way to acknowledge the changes they were making. Then he started mentioning some Season 2 stuff (”I dreamed I only had one -” “We all  only have one life, detective!”) and Nureyev cut him off and then launched into a recap of the events of 2Murderous2Mask. He brought up audience members to reenact it, and it was really funny and I loved it a lot. 

One of my favorite changes was that a couple of times when Juno was internally monologuing, Nureyev would be there too. At one point Juno acknowledged it like, “I do this thing where I just talk, and usually it’s just me.” Nureyev was really energetic, Noah got super into those parts and would take the mic down from the stand and be gesturing and hopping around while Juno watched. They also went into a lot more detail about the Throne of Arkuthusis (I probably spelled that wrong) and Samantha Carthwright (now called Sammy), who was played by an audience member. Juno explained that anyone who sat in the chair could have infinite knowledge and people would ask them questions. Nureyev then asked the audience member a bunch of questions in different accents which A.) was really funny B.) was crazy because apparently Noah can do an insane range of accents C.) cute because Juno just let him do it for a while before cutting him off. It had a very “petulant married life” vibe when Nureyev shared Juno’s monologues, and I’m not sure if it was supposed to be some significant commentary that Nureyev was “in Juno’s head” or just fun staging. Either way, I loved it. 

For the card game, there were a few changes. Engstrom asked Juno if he knew how to play Rangian Street Poker and Nureyev-as-Duke said “Don’t say no!” through his teeth right as Juno said “nope.” and then an explanation followed. After a while Juno lost track and got annoyed and before Engstrom could get mad back or explain the whole thing again Nureyev-as-Duke covered Juno’s mouth with his hand and then when he pulled his hand away he fucking caressed Juno’s cheek with his knuckles while Juno glared at him and the audience went feral. 

Hey by the way Noah Simes? Is just fucking incredible like his mannerisms as Duke were so over-the-top but amazing, when he reverted back to Nureyev there was an IMMEDIATE shift just in the way he talked and the way he stood, like with Duke everything was all exaggerated and he drew out all the “you’s” (So in the phone call he basically went “See youuu SooooOOOOnN!!! :D”) but then for Nureyev he was a lot more reserved, and he had this smug little half smirk for most of it. Just like, what does it feel like to be that talented, wish I could relate. 

They didn’t actually play cards, but Noah did rip a piece of paper to be the dueling wargoats card. Even so, the tension was strong and you could feel the suspense even if (like me) you knew exactly what was coming next. Also, I forgot to mention, there were a lot of sound effects! When Juno heard someone’s thoughts (he heard Valencia’s and Nureyev’s a few times) that would be a voiceover, the train noises were all played, gunshots, etc. The assassin wasn’t actually shown, but you could hear the voiceover for that as well. 

You’re all probably wondering: THE DOODLES. They were actual crumpled balls of paper that Juno pulled out of Nureyev’s coat; later when they were back in the hotel room, Nureyev took off his jacket and said he was going to bed (Noah just kinda stood there with his eyes closed) and Juno threw one of the notes at his head and literally went “Nyeh” as he threw it. We all laughed for quite a while. 

Jupeter jumping through garbage chutes was great, Noah sort of pushed Joshua and then they pantomimed jumping down - but apparently I’m supposed to believe that Peter backflipped into the garbage chute, from the way Noah gestured, and I’m HERE FOR THAT, he’s just that much of an extra bitch. (Nureyev was very much an extra bitch throughout this entire show, as you know if you have ever listened to The Penumbra Podcast).

The whole getaway chase was awesome. Not sure if I mentioned this yet, but they had one mic that could be taken away from the stand and walked around, which is how they did the phone calls, the person on the other end of the line would stand off to the side with the wireless mic and perform like that. Once Juno, Nureyev, Valencia, and Engstrom got on the train they did all of those lines, but a nice new addition to the script was Valencia threatened Juno with a gun and Nureyev pushed Juno slightly behind him with a hand on his chest (actually I can’t remember if this scene happened here or in the casino, suffice it to say it happened and it was gay and wonderful) and said basically “if you even so much as warm his skin” and followed that up with a threat, I forget exactly what. Then when Nureyev pumped the brakes of the train he grabbed Juno and pulled him to one side, and Valencia and Engstrom’s actors left. 

For the tight room they ducked into to hide, Noah and Joshua sort of pressed together back to back and tilted the mic stands so they were still able to talk into the mic. There was a great line where Juno said something like, “Is there a reason why you keep shoving us into tight spaces together?” and then they got out and Noah took the wireless mic and went up to one of the curtains on the side of the stage, then he sort of fell through with a shout and Juno was locked in the room with Valencia. She took the other wireless mic and circled him, which was soooo creepy and really cool, especially with the moody lighting they had over the whole scene. When Juno pretended to faint Joshua just like,,,, threw up his arms and dropped to the floor in the most dramatic swoon possible it was great, and when Valencia died she fell through the curtain on the side of the stage and someone caught her. 

The showdown with Engstrom was tense and great. M Sutherland has a great presence and because he’s really fucking tall he seemed very menacing next to Jupeter (especially earlier when they were in their crazy suits and he was just all polished). With his suit and beard and eyeliner he sort of looked like a younger president Snow ala The Hunger Games, perfect villain vibes. Nureyev did the whole pin-him-by-the-arms thing as Juno described it in his monologue and oh god Noah did the most PERFECT fox smile throughout the whole thing, but what’s weird is I can’t actually remember how Engstrom’s death went?? I assume he fell through the curtain but I just,,, genuinely can’t remember?

Right after that they seemed to have a technical issue with the train sound effects so Joshua and Noah adlibbed it for a few seconds, then it started working again and they grabbed each other’s arms and did the whole jump-off-the-train thing. When Juno asked where the Ruby7 was, Melissa DeJesus came out with her arms tied in ropes, I guess to show the car had been captured and then BOOM KATE JONES AS MIASMA. She’s so scary and intimidating, and her voice sounds even cooler live than on the show. 

Then!!! The gun is pointed at Nureyev!!! and oh god Noah’s face in this scene first he looked a little panicked, but then resigned, and the lights went BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH from regular to Juno’s monologue, and this super scary layered clip of Miasma saying “I will have what I want” played and oh god it was just so totally incredible and I loved it and by that point I was aware the show was about to end but I never wanted it to, I wanted to sit there and watch this forever, and I knew I couldn’t which made me a little sad. 

and oh wow wow wow...

then we got to the part where they got in the car, and Juno had his monologue, and Nureyev was watching him for the whole thing with the sweetest loving smile on his face, and then he told Juno not to give up on him yet and then Noah and Joshua reached into the space between the microphones and took each other’s hands, so they were holding hands and the crowd went WILD. Obviously this episode didn’t have a kiss, but the ROMANCE of that moment was just PEAK it was so freaking phenomenal, and when Miasma said the whole “There it is, your final resting place,” they didn’t even look at it, for a while they were just looking at each other for a few long seconds, and then they both turned to look at the tomb and they just stood there holding hands looking ahead all resigned and determined, and then the lights went down and it was over. 

(the cutest thing about the whole hand holding though was Noah kept glancing over like either he was trying to show Peter’s intense desire to hold Juno’s hand or else he wasn’t sure when he was supposed to grab Joshua’s hand and he was trying to make sure they did it at the same time. Either way it was sweet and looked really good.) 

They did the curtain call, I screamed so loudly for each actor, and then anyone who wanted to meet the cast went and lined up in the hallway outside the theater. The staircase by this hallway was also the staircase into the bar, so all the bar and restaurant, so all the restaurant patrons were very baffled to see the Penumbra-goers in our cosplays, (and me wearing the pride flag around my shoulders.) While I waited to meet with the cast I got to chat with Kat Buckingham! I also talked to her when I bought merch, and I told her I thought she was talented - she said “I bet YOU’RE really talented!” and I almost cried, then she told me I was free to DM her, also encouraged me when I told her about my podcast, and was all around just the sweetest. 

The cast were at a table, sort of like a convention, and we just went down the line and got our stuff signed. I got to talk to all of the actors and they were SO! VERY! SWEET! I hadn’t thought at all about what I was gonna say, so I just kind of mentioned whatever. I told Noah that I write Jupeter fanfiction and said, “So that means I have your voice in my head a lot”, and he said like “That’s... somewhat unusual to hear, as I’m sure you can imagine.” I told him he was really talented and he signed my poster and was very friendly, thanked me for coming even though literally I was thanking him because HOLY FUCK HE WAS SO AMAZING. Also, Kate Jones asked me what my shirt said (it said “I am too emotionally attached to fictional characters” and thought that was cool. 

I told Joshua, Sophie, and Kevin that this podcast inspired me to start my own podcast, and they were so incredibly encouraging and supportive about that! Joshua asked if I had fun (as if I could have not had fun!) and thanked me for coming - like both of these amazingly talented stars of this hit show are thanking me for coming to see them, that’s so humble and kind and ugh I just stan this cast so much. @rudzik-art made some amazing artwork, which I turned into prints to give to Sophie and Kevin, and they really loved it! Sophie even signed both my poster and the one I got for Robin, even though their rule said only one item per person. Then they both thanked me for coming, and I headed out to catch my train home.

Overall, this show was phenomenal. There was only one thing in the whole production that I disliked: they took out the “It’s not polite to tell someone his gift means nothing to you” line, and I’m not really sure why, because that line forms a lot about the characters? But artists’ choice, of course. Personally, I would have loved to see it, but the pacing was just as good without it. 

I’ve been looking forward to this for so long, and now that’s it’s over I’m experiencing some pretty strong post-show depression, not gonna lie. I just want to come back and see it again every night for the rest of my life, even though that would not be good for the cast. I want to go out and make art and share my work and maybe someday inspire someone anywhere near as much as this inspired me. 

TL;DR THE LIVE SHOW WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE. 

If you weren’t able to make it to either live show and you have some questions about it, feel free to send them to my inbox!