#omg never let me do cocain wtf
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Fact 1 : woke up at 7:30am with with 5 hours of sleep
Fact 2 : I need around 10hours of sleep to be at full strength
Fact 3 : I’m at a show and want to stay awake
Decision 1 : take a vodka-red bull at 9pm
Fact 4 : last time I had caffeine in my body was a week ago trough half a cup of tea
Decision 2 : dance and jump around for the entirety of the show, despite poor cardio and aching muscles
Consequence : my body is crumpling in my bed but my mind has never been more awake, I feel like a drunk guy on cocaine.
It is 4:21 am and all I want is to go make a full meal and then maybe get in a coma.
#I cannot stop thinking#just#VROOOM#mind goes broom#I’m not bi but I wonder if that’s what mania taste like#I could conquer the world#but also my body is tired and weak#so idk#I layes on the kitchen floor for a while with the cats#but then got embarassed in front of my roomates#I have been writing in bed for 3 hours straight now#omg never let me do cocain wtf#but also I get why these gay writers were doing drugs all day#FUCK#NO#not the point#can’t become a junkie#need to sleep#but sleep doesn’t want me#why don’t you want me#how long till I crash and die#I’ve finished all the fanfics I was reading#am I no state to be writing pertinent content#unless#omg#ok no I should sleep#gonna try to have a wank and fall asleep#if you’ve made it this far into the tags of this post you get the added burden of knowing this#la petite mort
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Listen your long answers are the best bc I really be thinking too! And omg I also was thinking like, does she have that disease or?? I know almost nothing about her but then the entertainment industry lies about every little thing that u just never know what's true! The mom seems super calculated and khris kardashian wanna be I just know she was the "family friend" source for tmz.
awww haha thanks so much nonnie, i’m always so glad to hear that at least a small few ppl on here enjoy my rambly nonsense lol! 😊 putting the rest under the cut again for reasons (please let this work @tumblr gods lol)
and yeah on the disease - honestly who knows. it’s highly sus to me that the news of her having the disease came directly after all the talk of her fluctuating weight and rumors/speculation that it was b/c she was on drugs (which lbr most celebs probably are/have been at some point, even the seemingly ‘innocent’ ones, and ESPECIALLY models who are under so much pressure to keep their weight down and cocaine is a very easy way to do that and extremely easily accessible in the modeling world) so like...could have been a very convenient cover up for her drastic weight change, or she could actually have the disease (or maybe even both, who knows). but if she does have the disease that, again, just adds so many more weird inconsistencies with this pregnancy that just don’t make sense with her current behavior or with her supposed relationship history...like the fact that if she really wanted to conceive right now for whatever weird reason, she likely would have had to plan months ahead and do a lot of prep to make sure it actually happened with the disease...which doesn’t make sense with the narrative that she and z got back together in december cause hypothetically she would have had to get pregnant immediately, like as soon as she ‘got back’ with him. so are we to believe that she was just lucky in that she ‘happened’ to get pregnant by him right away after they ‘got back together’ w/o all the necessary prep and pre-planning? i mean sure it’s possible hypothetically speaking ofc, but obviously since i don’t believe they’re in a real relationship or that he would ever actually sleep with her lol it’s not a realistic possibility imo. then there’s the fact that she’s traveling all the way to his house to take pics, walking all over her farm, riding horses, and drinking wine and coffee, and barely showing, almost all things that things you should not be doing at 5 months pregnant or that don’t add up with a 5 month along pregnancy, and that’s just a regular pregnancy. add into that the fact that if she does really have the disease this should very likely be considered a high-risk one, that would mean realistically she should probably very likely be on bed rest at this stage or at the very least not traveling anywhere and not moving around too much/doing too much strenuous activities (like fucking horse riding wtf). so yeah there is A LOT that is very sus about this whole thing. and it feels to me like her family (and also the annoying ass g stans and het zstans) are just conveniently forgetting/ignoring all the other things that should potentially be at play here if she does have the disease--or even if she doesn’t--and are just expecting us to swallow it all with no questions and it’s extremely frustrating tbh
and also you are absolutely right, y*landa is literally SUCH a kris kardashian wannabe and given that the whole *all of my daughters are pregnant at the same time what an amazing coincidence* thing was widely rumored in certain circles to be a huge marketing ploy/attention grab that kris heavily coerced her daughters into (and was trying to push them to do for literal years until she finally got it to happen), this current pregnancy ploy with g seems like a move DIRECTLY out of the kris kardashian playbook tbh and i am quite certain as well that she was the mysterious ‘source’
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Tourbus Ch 2
Fanfic
Pairing Roger Taylor Reader
Warnings Smut 🔞
A /N Please like and reblog or if you want leave a comment
Thank you
Part 1
- You... Omg..... Shit..YOU.. Rog
You phanted as he bent down to kiss you, the kiss deepened at ones and your tounges were wrestling with eachother
- Mmmmm.. My good girl.. You want me to help you out huh he coed?
He kissed you while massagin your boob, twisting your nipple with his fingers.. Just like when he is twirling his drumsticks you thought, you just looked at him with open mouth
- Well darling.. I am impatiently waiting for an answer.. He inserted a finger into your wet core, you nearly jumped at the sudden feeling and gasped for air
-Omg Rog.. Yes.. Please.. Please Help me!!
You squirmed like a snake under his touch.. soo desperate
His finger never left you, instead he deeply kissed your inner thighs and trailed his tounge up to your clit and moaned against your core
He flicked his tounge faster and faster around your nub and his fingers pumped in and out of you
He expertly hooked his index finger against the top of your wall slight curling it while he continued to lap at your wet folds. You felt the tension build in your stomach and your walls contracting around his fingers as he pumped them even faster . The slick sounds of your wetness and his mouth eagirly slurping sounded better to your ears than any music you’d ever heard. You bucked your hips and pushed his face closer between your legs and let out a shuttering breath feeling his fingers wriggling inside you
- Fuck.. Rog. . You whined, feeling the tension that had been building inside you for so long began to snap
Your face was filled with pleasure as you watched him, eyes closed and his hair a blonde mess
He let go of you and you and you came down from your high letting out a string of breathy moans and scraping your fingers through his messy hair. He inserted his fingers inside your tight pussy again You dug one hand into the plush pillows behind you and your back arched as you neared yet another orgasm without having fully recovered from the first, your breaths were ragged and short as you neared the edge, threatening to expload at any moment.
Roger looked up from between your legs
- I am not done with you yet.. You do know that right?
You shivered even more when his body adjusted between your legs
He reached in his backpocket for a condom while expertly sliding his pants down the waist
It was not so much space in the bunkbed but maked it even more thrilling, also by the feeling that anyone could walk in on you at any moment
You both giggled like teenagers and kissed.. Your lips nipped at his neck and he marked you as his
He placed his cock by your entrance
- You ready baby?
- Shut up Rog and fuck me already
Without warning and time to adjust his size he slammed in his whole length
You screamed his name and wrapped your legs around his waist pulling him even closer
He was now deep inside you, thrusted harder and harder grabbing your ass and lifted you up towards him so his tip brushed against your front wall.. He knew what he was doing and it felt so fuckin amazing
He reached down between your bodies and circled your clit with his thumb..
You felt your walls contracting once again
You scratched his back with your nails and bit his neck
- AHHH FUCK Y/N... Ur a wild cat aren't ya he screamed
- Ahh.. Ohhh Rog.. Did u think I was a pussy huh
That was it
He stuttered a curse and emptied himself in the condom
-Ohh fuck shit... Damnit Y/N.. That was... Omg..
He kissed you slopply and looked into your eyes
- Yes.. You are my lil pussy... My own pussy...
That was NOT the last time you hooked up
You were wild.. Totally addicted by eachother
As soon as you got the chance you shared kisses and nibbles.
You made out and fucked all the time and everywhere.. In the bus, backstage, the studio, hotels, bathrooms.. Even behind his drumrisers
All people around you knew you were a thing.. Even tho he did not say the actual words.. You knew
He tried to make eye contact during the show.. glanced at you from behind his drumset always enjoying to watch you dance and sing along to their music, he always came up to you right after the concert
But deep inside you knew how he was, you knew he was a big flirt
The tour continued across America, you tried to not listen to the rumours, but every night you also saw the amount of women around him he looked and smiled, yes of course it was his job
But he clearly enjoyed it.. You kept thinking if he could be unfaithful.. Even tho you were not a couple in public.. still...
One day in Atlanta it became a fact
It was an after show party
You did not really feel like it.. you were not up for a party at all, you had been feeling little dizzy and naseus, but you thought one glass would not hurt anyone
You entered the room
The first thing you saw was in the middle of it there was a huge ice sculpture of the letter Q
It was crowded in there, booze was flowing and cocaine was spread around like white dust on the tables
There was hardly no air at all, you could not be here, you needed to get out
Without thinkin you took the other way out from the partyroom
You should't
You saw Roger
Up against the wall, his pants were pooled at his feet
His head throwned back holding a grip around the head of a cute red haired woman while she eagerly sucked his cock
His eyes met yours
His jaw almost dropped all the way down
He pushed her off him and tried to pull his pants up while running after you
You rushed down the stairs
Then it all became pitch black
You had no idea how long you had been out
But when you woke up it was a new day.. It was flowers next to you from Freddie and a note from your friend that she will come by and see you later
In a chair by the corner of the room sat Roger still sleeping
Then you remembered, you took the glass next to you and throwed it on the wall behind him
He woke up emieditly and came to your bed
- Y/N.... Omg... Are you ok?
He tried to place his hand on you, but you shoved him off
- WTF Roger! What the hell are you doing here?
The door opened before he could answer
- Ms Y/L/N, we are here to take a new ultra sound
What did he talk about.. Your head was spinning
The Doctor explained that you had a bleeding myoma in your uterus and you had lost a lot of blood, but... your baby was fine
Baby?
- Ohh... My God... I am so so sorry.. Roger started to cry.. I didn’t know...
- I... I.. I did not know either... But..
-... Omg... I could've lost you... Both of you.. Hunnie.. I realized that now... I have been such an ass.. Yesterday.. I was high as a kite.. But it does not for give what I did.. Sweetie.. I am so so sorry..
He bent down his head on your chest you stroked his blonde hair.
You were angry, but even more you were thankful.. You had him, the band, your friend to support you and the baby was going to be ahlright
- I love you.. I really really love you Y/N.. The tour is almost over, When we come home.. Please move in with me. I want to be with you, only you Y/N Y/L/N... Marry me
He placed a soft kiss on your lips
- Yes.. Omg.. Roger... Yes.. Yes
Enjoy more reading in my masterlist
None of the pictures and gifs are mine
Credit to the owners
#roger taylor smut#roger taylor x reader#Roger taylor#Queen#Tour#Tourbus#pregnancy#queen smut#77#news of the world#70s queen#roger meddows taylor#queen band#Queen smut
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Walls by Louis Tomlinson First Listen Album Reaction
Alright, I have my good earphones plugged in and I will be listening to the whole album in order, no skipping. Let the Brit come and invade my ears and mind. Here we go...
Track 1: Kill My Mind
I’ve heard this before. Upbeat. Devil in my brain. Ease the pain. I really love the bridge to this. The energy. Yessssssss
Track 2: Don’t Let It Break Your Heart
I’ve heard this before. This is the track version now. Little bit longer intro than the single version. I love the lyrics to this a lot. It’s already helped me in my personal life. It’s just so so nice and comforting and reassuring, but it never crosses the line to cheesy. I think it’s cuz it’s sincere. It’s saying yeah it fuckin hurts and you feel like it’s killing you… but DON’T. LET. IT. Also, the guitar towards the end is just magnificent.
Track 3: Two Of Us
I’ve heard this before. The keyboard on this song is absolutely killing me. The swells in this song is just heartbreaking. The chorus is just so passionate. One Life For The Two Of Us. It’s sad, yet hopeful. OH MY GOD the outro. That might be my favorite part. It makes me want to give him a hug, not because I think he needs it but I think he just deserves it for being so strong.
Track 4: We Made It
I’ve heard this before, but it’s hitting me so hard right now. The melody of this song is something special. The big pop chorus swells aren’t there, and without it, the song just has a flow and a tempo and a rhythm that kinda says, “yeah, we made it,” We’re here. We’re not stopping. We’ll keep going. We’re “never coming down.” SO. WHAT. The almost spoken-word style of this song just makes one need to listen to the lyrics all that intently. It’s a statement. Some of the verses talk about a relationship with somebody, yet the chorus and feel of the whole song makes me think that he’s just talking about himself. He could also be talking to his fans, but I like my idea that he’s talking about himself. Maybe to the person in the mirror, idk. And the quip about the “singing something poppy in the same 4 chords” lyric is hilarious when compared to the style of pop of this song. I really like this song. Favorite so far.
Track 5: Too Young
Oh wow okay. Echos. This style seems so familiar to me, like a songwriter or a producer I’m familiar with made this. I don’t know what I feel about this song. I’m not getting sadness, it seems like it’s just so matter of fact. And that’s weird cuz Louis’ voice normally (and so far in this album) have been so expressive and emotional. This is weird. It might be how much echo there is…. this is weird. His voice kinda sounds distorted, like it’s been edited to sound even more soft and tender. Creeps me out a little, like listening to asmr. Maybe it’ll be better if I didn’t have earphones in.
Track 6: Walls
The title track of this album. This was released a few days or weeks ago. I might have listened to it once, but I haven’t even watched the music video yet. This vocal is so much better than the last one. “Nothing wakes you up like walking up alone.” I hear that. That’s happened to me once or twice lol. There are a LOT of instruments in this already, and I haven’t even gotten to the first chorus yet. I like the vocals in the chorus actually. Up and down, and up and down. Okay, I’m sorry did this man just rhyme lost and because???? I love that! That’s a quote right there. I really like the melody of this chorus. Oh wow. End with the opening line. Okay, Mr. Tomlinson, I see you.
Track 7: Habit
He really likes the combo of acoustic and electric guitars huh? OH MY GOD excuse me mister baritone wtfffffffff. Where did that come from??? LEMME START OVER. THAT THREW ME OFF lmfaooo. Aw, this is so sad. Aw, he misses crack cocaine. KIDDING!!! I like this song. Yeah, compare that person to a drug. I love that. I love this song, wow. “I was better with you��? Oh honey nooooo. Awww, I usually love bridges and Louis writes really good ones, but the lyrics in this song’s bridge is not okay with me. :( This is a fantastic song tho. Second favorite so far.
Track 8: Always You
Damn okay. Uptempo it after my heart just broke with the last one. I like the opening chords. OH WAIT, are these even chords? Whoah hold up. It went SUPER POP rn. Sounds kinda dance-y. Is there gonna be a bass drop in this song? I’m calling it now lol. What the fuck?? Bro. Wtf. This is SO POP I cannot even. I can’t focus on the lyrics cuz my head in is spinning. Is there a fuckin feature on this???? What the fuck is this. Okay, it’s over. What. The. Fuck. Was. That. Why the fuck was that song in this album??????? That’s so weird. Who let that happen??????? It’s so out of place!! I can’t. I have to move on.
Track 9: Fearless
Are those sounds of children? Ew. Wait a sec, is that shade? OMG These lyrics are soooooo shady. Yesssss I love this sound for him!!! It’s anger. YESSS. YELL BABY!! Claps. Who is this song for??? Who is the umbrella under?? Who are we shading, honey? I NEED TO KNOW omg. “Tell me do you still remember feeling young” YES BABY ROAST THEM. This is fuckin hilarious and this just knocked down Habit as my 2nd fave.
Track 10: Perfect Now
Strumming an acoustic. Awww, the lyrics of this song is so sweet. This would be a great song for him to sing by himself on stage in concert, him playing the guitar. That would be so sweet. I know there’s some violins, but the song don’t need that live. “I guess some queens don’t need a crown” It’s true hun, but it’s obviously the perfect accessory. “You make me feel like being someone” is such a fantastic line.
Track 11: Defenceless
Ugh, the British spelling, I guess lol. Okay lyrics, you’re strong. Okay kickdrum, you’re working overtime. I really like this. Nice drums on this one too. It felt kinda busy at first, but it works. “By YooOoUuUu.” I feel like I’m getting attacked. And I’m fucking defenseless (that’s not the British spelling lol).
Track 12: Only The Brave
The title sounds like an army thing lol. Okay, is this the 60s? I like the sound actually, it’s pretty cool. Retro. Wait, it’s over already?!?! I gotta listen again wtf. I didn’t even understand a word. I just heard that he went up to head voice thrice. Okay, again. “I’m breaking all my rules, I’m crying like a fool.” Wow. I get the sound now. I appreciate this a lot. I gotta read these lyrics. Seems to me he sang “it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave” which wow. Amazing end of album line.
Final thoughts:
Louis Tomlinson is a very talented singer and songwriter. He has his sound and he’s not floundering about. This album proves it. I’m not mad at it at all. I liked almost every single song at first listen and I’m sure the only one I have a problem with will grow on me. I thought ending on Only the Brave was absolutely perfect. It is a very strong song to end on. Lastly, if you’d excuse the lame metaphor, this debut album is a strong wall which he can build more onto (with tours and more singles and more albums) so that in no time, he’d have a very tall building that can touch the sky.
My Top 3
3. Habit
2. Fearless
1. We Made It
Special Recognition to Only The Brave for being hauntingly raw and honest
#walls#walls by louis tomlinson#louis tomlinson#music reviews#album reviews#I'm gonna listen to Only The Brave on repeat
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IVE BEEN SO EXCITED TO READ THIS AND I FINALLY HAD THE TIME ALHVFJKAHSDVF OKAY HERE WE GO - *SPOILERS AHEAD*
TWO DAYS WITHOUT SPEAKING AFTER KNOWING SOMETHING BAD HAD HAPPENED?!
“no one to hold your hand while you were freaking out during take off or landing” i am so scared of airplanes i would have had a panic attack in that situation holy fucking shit
“but something made you drive to your parents” i can already tell this is a bad decision, bestie
“he’d better not get his hands on Derek” harry pls kill him already – though violence is never the solution and it would fuck up the entire relationship and we dont want that bUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
11h drive?!?! i’d kms before driving for so long ffs
“he didn’t even let you know whether he’d made it safely “ MOTHERFUCKER A FUCKING TEXT WOULDNT KILL YOU
“your brother was involved, and knowing Derek, it was probably really bad” i mean what else would you expect from a dude called DeReK?
“Remembered you had a family, did you? Not even a card for Christmas- your mother cried, the house empty for the holidays, Y/N Y/MN” tHE GASLIGHTING OOZING FROM THIS?! nah im out the goddamn door.
“Turns out she was dealing drug” I don’t believe this for a second. Not a fucking second.
“Your brother got a car, and he’s still getting used to it of course, went a little above the speed limit” shocked he didn’t crash it on the first day 🙄 also, i bet daddy dearest payed for it, two fucking peas in a pod, i hate men ugh
“And now her father is trying to pin it all on Derek!” rightfully so
“Make yourself useful for a change” oh im about to make myself useful. im about to slam my fist into your skull, you fucking prick. i hate men ugh
DEREK HAS THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO GO FUCK AROUND WITH HIS FRIENDS WHILE HIS GIRLFRIEND WHO JUST TOOK THE BLAME FOR HIM IS IN CUSTODY?!?!?!?! i hate meeeennnnn uuuughhh
love how she is very aware that it was her brother’s fault. i can see why she’d just assume emily would have been in it as well, because dickek could have possibly manipulated her into it.
“He obviously freaked out when they got pulled over and planted the drugs on her, in her hoodie’s pocket” honestly not even surprised, dickek is 🤮
“but… he wouldn’t do that! He wouldn’t just blame it all on her like that–” oh honey........
“she thinks she loves him” emily, bestie, you gotta love yourself first, and you don’t deserve that dick
“I hired a PI” HOooly fuck! wasn’t expecting that but it seems such a DI Harry thing to do omg
dICKEK IS DEALING COCAINE AS WELL? THEN WHAT THE HELL DID HE NEED YN’S MONEY FOR?! fucking moron. i hate men ugh
“I would’ve done something… maybe would’ve prevented all of this from happening” babes... they would have beaten you up... i dont think that would have been a good idea...
“He’s a kid!” he stops being a kid when he starts dealing.
dONT HANG UP WTF
“Fucking cunt… I knew I should’ve never gotten involved with her. To think that she’s trying to pin this all on me, dad” you are so done, fucking prick 🤬 i hate men ugh
“That’s women for you, son. Let this be a lesson to you” and “taking a swig of his beer” is the reason why i hate men
i was gonna say, how does he have the audacity to say it’s a bluff, but this is dickek we’re talking about, of course he’d say that.
“but he slapped you right across the face with enough force to turn your head to the side, and straight towards your mom’s line of vision. Of course she just sat there, though, like she always did. Never stepping up to come to your aid.” I–– I stopped breathing for a second. I fucking felt this. i knew going to her parents house was a bad idea. it always is. holy shit...
“You know what? Fuck it. Fuck this family. I don’t care anymore. (...) Go to jail for all I care.” SCREAM IT BESTIE LOUDER
“You were never stepping foot into that house again.” ABOUT DAMN TIME
“Do you… do you think you could step out for a minute? I’m sorry–” you stammered, trying to calm down “I’m not trying to pry you away, I just need to see you, even if it’s just for a minute. Please…” “ THE WAY IM SOBBING RN AS WELL 😭
““Turn around. Emily’s not even here, she’s with her mum– Y/N, turn around, baby. C’mon. Eyes on the road, ok?” his voice was calm yet serious and you knew he was worried as much as he tried to hide it” i can just sense his calmness and its making me cry even more 😭😭😭😭😭😭
“his eyes widening and his hand gently caressing your still sore cheek “Was this him? Or your father?” “ MY FUCKING HEART HURTS
“ Harry hushed you and pulled you back into his arms, cradling your head and holding you tight, letting you cry into the nook of his shoulder “You’ll never have to see them again. This I promise you. Ok? Never. I’ll never let them look at you much less lay a hand on you. Never again” “😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
“Caught you right in the act, your dirty little secret is out!” he got really close, right up in Harry’s face” dickek, why dont you drop dead already?
“ “Go inside” Harry glanced at you “What?– No!” you whisper-yelled “ I would usually say no, but go inside yn
““C’mon, old man. Fight for your little fucktoy. If she’s even worth it. What, thought you were all high and mighty, threatening to take me to trial. At least fight for your daughter, then. Would’ve thought you’d like a swing at me after all I’ve put her through. Broke her little heart” he leaned in closer, right in Harry’s face, whispering amusedly “… and her little pussy” “ have i said i hate men before? i dont think i have said it enough times.
“What do you even see in this loser, he won’t even stand up for his own daughter” he is actually standing up for both of them by not bulging and playing your stupid little insecure and immature game. it’s better to fight in court than in jail.
“But he’s just a kid and doesn’t know any better especially with a shit father like you for a role model, and unlike you I’m not in the business of beating children. So where do you get the nerve to talk about decency?!” GO OFF DADDY YES
“Maybe if you disciplined your daughter she wouldn’t be in this situation. A girl’s gotta know her place. And clearly this one forgot what that was, huh?” oh don’t worry, i remember her place: AWAY FROM YOUR DAMN HOUSE.
““Whoring out with a man fit to be your father, gonna beat some sense right back into you when you get home, just you wait–”” HE DID NOT JUST GO THERE HE DID NOT JUST––
“The force of the impact nearly pulled you in as well, as your father didn’t let go of your face completely by the time he took the fall. Harry knocked him straight out on his back before he even got to finish that sentence.” THANK YOU DADDY
“when you heard a frightful “Dad?” you glanced at your brother, but realised he hadn’t been the one to utter the word, as he was still visibly in shock over what had just happened. Looking past him though, your eyes widened watching a very distraught looking Emily take this whole scene in, with who you recognized to be her mother to her side” –––––––––––––––––––– (that’s my ECG, I flatlined)
“…How long had she been standing there?” HOW LONG, DREEA?! HOW LONG?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i hate men ugh
In which you’ve got textbook daddy issues and when your tool of a younger brother brings a sweet doe eyed girlfriend home for Thanksgiving and you end up offering her a ride home, you meet just the man to fix them.
Warning: 18+, smut, daddy kink, praise kink, age gap (older male/younger female), slow burn, angst, childhood trauma regarding domestic violence
Daddy issues- Masterlist / alternatively, read on A03 or wattpad
Part 20 (Word count: 5.1k) - posted March 28th
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Valentine’s: V
A/N: HI I’M TIRED AND I’M PUKING AND I ALMOST FORGOT TO POST THIS, BLESS GOD 404 FOR REMINDING ME ~ Admin 626
- Valentine’s day was more like V day for u bc u always shower V in affection and gifts and u never let him (on that day anyway) - like this boy deserved to have a day all for himself <3 - But sadly, since you’re Jumin’s secretary, his hoe ass decided to schedule u for overtime on Valentine’s day - “No listen to me MC, I have a great idea, a cat company dedicated to finding lonely people the perfect the cat, i need u to do the research immediately” - You contemplate killing Jumin and making it look like Elizabeth the Third did it - But V totally understands, work is important he tried to convince Jumin to let you come early but Jumin was like “bye bitch” - Poor V is all alone, cuddled up on the couch by himself, hOW DARE U DO THIS TO HIM MC - but then he gets a very brilliant idea -wow gee I wonder what it is, definitely not a proposal like the past fics I’ve written, definitely not that nope - When you finally get home, you don’t see V anywhere??? Wtf - he always greets you and has a cup of tea ready for u when u get home - where that hoe with my tea, I nEED IT - But then you see a line of cocaine (i’M SORRY) rose petals leading the little art studio/gallery attached to the side of ur house (ofc V is gonna have one don’t even try me on this) - when you walk in you see a bunch of balloons and floating lamps covering the celing??? - it’s so cute wtf - wAIT - omg at the end of every balloon, there’s a photo attached to the ends of the balloons string??? - the pictures aren’t just of you and V??? it’s pictures of everyone in the RFA!!! V I love u but wtf is this - and then you hear something behind you and you turn around to see V on one knee with a ring in his hand <3 - “I know it seems weird that these aren’t pictures just of us, MC. But I just want to say that I’m so happy with you; with everyone. Because of you, I have a family now. All these group pictures? They wouldn’t have happened without you. You’re amazing and fantastic and everything I ever needed. Be my wife so we can officially be group mom and dad.” - He doesn’t even ask he just tells u bc he knows ur gonna say yes - anD OFC U SAY YES UR UGLY CRYING WHY IS HE SO AMAZING - You invite all of the RFA over after to tell them the good news <3 - Saeyoung tries to convince u to let him dress up as a girl and be the maid of honor - Saeran punches him “I’m going to the maid of honor, not you” - It’s a good night with good drinks, good food, and good friends <3
#mystic messenger#mysme#mystic messenger imagines#mysme imagines#mystic messenger headcanons#mysme headcanons#mystic messenger zen#mysme zen#mysme hyun ryu#mystic mesenger hyun ryu#hyun ryu#mystic messenger jumin#mysme jumin#mystic messenger jumin han#mysme jumin han#jumin han#mystic messenger jaehee kang#mysme jaehee kang#mystic messenger jaehee#mysme jaehee#jaehee kang#mystic messenger yoosung#mysme yoosung#mystic messenger yoosung kim#mysme yoosung kim#mystic messenger saeyoung#mysme saeyoung#mystic messenger saeyoung choi#mysme saeyoung choi#saeyoung choi
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Ribbed For Her Pleasure by Miranda Martin
Okay, terms to know can be found here.
Now that that’s out of the way let’s get on with the story. Also I did not look up any of the characters’ names. So whatever. Also, so little happens of importance that this summary is hella short.
This book takes place in the present day, and begins with our leading lady, Female Stereotype, returning from generic Gamecon with her cat and getting ready to do a "just got back" vlog when she decides to check twitter. It turns out that some person who doesn't matter tweeted at her to take the "Celestial Mates Challenge" and get matched with her perfect alien dreamboat. Female decides that her extra "protective" fanboys would think this stunt is hilarious, and signs up. The only problem is that the app is actually a consent form created by a magical cherub who is abusing his power to timetravel for supposedly noble causes, and he needs her... for some reason?
So anyways she downloads the app and starts a vlog about how she's doing the challenge when SHABAM a tiny floating dwarf appears in her room... while she's changing. She's all like "WTF" and he's all like "no time to explain" and grabs her charizard plushie before saying "oh you are gonna love this," and poofs her away.
She appears in the air on a seemingly deserted planet. Directly above the ocean. After taking a nice bath in frigid seawater, she drags herself to shore only to see the tiny dwarf poof in again to drop a seven foot tall dragon man down into the water beside her. The dragon man is very confused, and in his strange lizard speak berates the dwarf. The dwarf just goes "ok love you bye" and vanishes, leaving two sopping wet people who don't speak the same language on an alien world with no supplies. Kind of a dick move.
So the dragon man freaks out because he's from a desert planet and the largest amount of water he's seen in one place before being dropped in the ocean was a punch bowl, and Female Stereotype freaks out because she's alone with an irritable dragon man, but they find a cave to dry off in and start a fire while trying to figure out how they were going to find any goddamn food. But it's okay, because the magic Peter Dinklage shows up like "oh shit I forgot" and throws a bunch of cocaine in their faces so they can understand each other.
It turns out that the dragon guy's name is actually Ribbed Dick, and now that they aren't dying of hypothermia they realize that omg this person is H O T. So they start getting really weird and awkward because they're both really horny and Peter Dinklage, who is watching all of this, is like "no why aren't you fucking!?" So he decides to spice shit up with the justification of "gamers love adventure" and "dragons are generically strong and heroic" and "women like to fuck violent hypermasculine dragons, right?" and he summons a flock of velociraptors (the jurassic park kind, not the actually chicken-sized version) to attack them.
After a brief scuffle of Female Stereotype screaming and Ribbed Dick choking out dinosaurs like a boss, they realize that since they're probably going to die they actually love each other. Then they fuck. In that cave. Surrounded by dead velociraptors and viscera. As one does.
After discovering the delightful nature of Ribbed Dick’s two (yes two) ribbed dicks, the couple promptly shrivel up and attempt flaccid conversation in a feedback loop of “was it bad for him? Is that why he’s so quiet? Was it good for her? She keeps glancing at me nervously” until finally Tyrion Lannister shows up and says all of the shit that’s in their heads (cuz stalking wasn’t enough we had to add mind-reading voyeurism). Ribbed and Female realize that they are both idiots and decide that the best course of action is to just fuck again, but this time they find a beautiful nearby forest so they can have real scenic artsy sex like a high-budget porno. As one does.
So they tucker themselves out with the twin-dick tango and wake up - surprise - in Ribbed Dick’s bed, in Ribbed Dick’s house, on Ribbed Dick’s planet. Female Stereotype decides (logically for once) that Ribbed Dick may actually be in league with Tyrion Dinklage, though her presumption of villainy is kinda farfetched. Ribbed Dick wins her over with the argument of “but we made such sweet love and I’m hot, and you’re hot, and this desert planet is hot, and really if you leave me you are going to be surrounded by dragon people who have never seen a human before and you’ll probably die because we’re actually a slave race and they’ll think you’re a spy.” Female realizes that he’s right, they are super in love, and sure her cat has been left alone for way too long and there’s like no water here on this godforsaken planet, but goddamn is the sex awesome and that’s what really matters here. LoveSex
So they resolve their differences with tonsil hockey and then Ribbed is just like “remember how I said that everyone would probably kill you as a spy, but let’s go for a walk and I’ll show you my home.” What a great fucking idea. Lo and behold, the other locals actually bring them before the council of elders to be judged as a traitor and a spy.
But everything is okay, because the grand matriach (who is just the oldest woman present) declares that they are in love and everyone can shove it up their asses.
Female Stereotype and Ribbed Dick then head home for a nice hide-the-sausage session, then Deter Pinklage shows up again and (for the fifth time in the book) goes “oh shit i forgot” and throws more cocaine in their faces, declaring that they are now biologically compatible. Somehow. The pair decides to celebrate with more sex, but Pinklage appears again just long enough to throw her cat at her. The End.
“But wait!” You say, “why did magic Tyrion need the two to get dirty anyways? Why was his time bullshit important? WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT?!” Well, fucking was the point but, if you insist, it’s because apparently, in the future the entire dragon race is eliminated by a horrible plague, but introducing a single human (and forcing her to be biologically compatible with them) into the genepool at that exact moment with that exact dragon would disseminate an immunity to the entire population (or at least enough for the race to survive). So, I guess, bully for modern science?
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