#omg its literally when youre like a kid waiting for your mum to come home from the store... only i'm also the mum | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

neteluvr-library · 1 year ago

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okay im back again for my weekly reread of cardigan. anyways these next three chapters are so good and literally so fucking amazing and will never get over how good they are the dialogue is amazing and one of my favorite details EVER and i have been waiting for this moment for the last week weeks and im finally here AHHHHHHH i am excited to actually go through and leave my little notes hehehehe (not me playing around with the annotation formatting tumble is so annoying about indenting that i CANT)

It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

THE VISCERAL REACTION!!!!! "I pictured you with other girls in love Then threw up on the street" 😭 100% valid reaction I would do the same thing.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE III: DEPRESSION

ITS GETTING GOODDDD 😭

There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

BABY THATS THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM !!!!!!

...but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life.

Neteyam annoyed me so bad during this like bro omg maybe you should have said all this BEFOREEEEE it was too late 😭 men have the worst timing HE HAD PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITY DAMN IT

You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating.

NO BC like...i took astronomy class in college and was proud to get this reference hahaah like it really is sad that stars are so beautiful and bring us so much comfort, yet their time is limited. i think its a perfect reflection of what atan believes her life to be

There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

SHES DOWN BAD YOUR HONOR!!! at this point atan is just so done with life, both physically and mentally, that it literally does not matter anymore. you can tell she's given up on hope completely and is a shell of a person right now

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

MAN JAKE BETTER STFU!!!!!!! like don't piss me off . i get his concern but he better watch his tone with atan. POOR BBY IS SUFFERING AND NEEDS LOVE AND INSTEAD, ALL SHE GETS IS BETRAYAL!!!!

You made me love you and break down these carefully constructed walls so you can be comfortable and sleep well at night for not breaking your promise my mum, and then you fucking stabbed me in the back.

THATS RIGHT ATAN GET HIS ASS 😭 no but what does jake expect? that's a huge fucking betrayal and she has every right to feel as angry and hurt. like she spent the last few years guarded and to herself, and the one time atan decides to push that to the side, she is betrayed by everyone. like i get that it was neteyam's responsibility and even jake threatened him before and told neteyam he needed to to tell atan, it doesn't sit right with me that they all had her looking stupid especially when they all know just how much of a bond they had together. the second atan got her new body, both neytiri and jake should have had a serious conversation with neteyam 😭

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

Tuk standing and wondering what the fuck did she do wrong HAHAHAHA

For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

Was that going to be you? Would Neteyam remember you in 20 years, when he would tell stories about his childhood to his kids, when he remembered the good old times? Would you get a Na’vi send off? Or were you going to be buried somewhere in the forest, for someone to stumble upon in a distant future you would no longer be a part of?

FIRST OFF OUCH!!!!!!! atan thinking that she is so forgettable that she even has to question whether of no neteyal would remember her. i 100% think he would without a doubt, atan would be like a mythical legand to his kids (you know, if she actually died). but also it's very sad that she has to question whether she will end up like her father because life has been so cruel to her. like woah how did her life even get to this point where there's a possibility she could relive her dad's fate despite having lived completely different lives?

“Why am I here? Great Mother, please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

THIS WHOLE LITTLE SPEECH 😭 i think everyone has thought this to themselves at one point if their lives, perhaps even their lowest point of life, because like yeah what is her purpose?? what was she meant to do? it can be so harrowing trying to figure out your purpose in life when all life wants to do is be mean to you. this was just so relatable and i love it ): I think Atan is probably the most relatable to mean than out of your other female characters ahahaha

You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left.

RAW AS FUCK!!!! (literally her arm is probably raw af) but i think this was an important detail for us to visualize just how far atan is from being okay and any semblance of normal. i mentioned this another chapter, but i really do love the inclusion of atan's dependence on drugs to keep her going because its the most poignant way to showcase someone's depression and despair.

You gave it a fair shot, this life thing

AGAIN, SHES ONLY A BABY ): SHES ONLY 18!!!!!! i think at 18 i felt like i knew everything, but looking back, its still so young and its so sad because at 18 you still have so much to live for and atan just felt like she didn't ):

You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out.

I always loved this line!!!! because like a wild animal, atan is just defending herself from everyone around her and her inevitable death. she's no longer herself.

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13?

ATAN RELEASE BACK TO BACK BOMBS ON NORM ON THIS SCENE it must have felt so good for her to get all of this off her. SHES TELLING EVERYONE OFF, because what else does she have to live for? might as well burn the bridges and die with everything being said, no matter how mean or nasty it may be.

Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you.

For some reason, this reminded me of these lyrics from You're Losing Me:

How long could we be a sad song 'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life? I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

This was so beautiful ): their relationship is so interesting because there's such a dichotomy between them. like both of them have both painful and loving memories with each other but its like how could that be at the same time??? like i said with neteyam before, i think they both love so hard that it becomes painful which has unfortunately lead to them the mess they're in right now

“I remember. I remember even at the time, thinking this was a good metaphor for our relationship. Life kept sweeping me off my feet, but you were always there to catch me, before it could take me away. I had so much faith in you back then, you were a fact of life, like the eclipse. You were the one person in this world I thought would never hurt me.”

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING VOMITTING I CANJNT neteyam being her rock ):

Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

let's unpack that babygirl

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

DONT PISS ME OFF NETEYAM!!!! i truly think men are very stupid and at their core....just men.n even the most dreamiest of men, like neteyam, are men. i just cant get behind his reasoning even when he explains himself with so much emotion. because like THATS the best he could come up with? like how is he both selfish and selfless at the same time? it just feels like he's so centered on himself that even in his valiant efforts, he wasn't truly thinking about atan and how this might affect her. like who are you to decide that for atan, she is capable of making her own decisions and choosing who she wants in her life. i have beef with him now LMFAO maybe you can give me some clarity

just you and me

hehehehheheheh

Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

.....but you still left her.

You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes.

EXACTLY!!!!! i just cant wrap my head around neteyam's reasoning. i wish i had more words to describe how i feel about it but i cant actually verbalize it into a sentence.

The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

you are so poetic like i will never get over it

To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

Cause they see right through me They see right through me They see right through Can you see right through me?

no bc this life was so relatable to me and i felt so called out and i still feel called out because i truly feel like this sometimes. and its like atan was just so good at hiding her hurt and it makes me so sad to realize that no one know just how much she was hurting ): i know she wanted it that way but to have all of that on display for someone else to see is, again, another way to showcase just how far gone she is from her "normal" self

All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out

Neteyam gagged her omg...

What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you?

NO LITERALLY WHAT WAS ATAN THINKING like as much as i think neteyam is bad for leaving her, atan is even worse for not telling everyone she was dying. like it would be so traumatizing just to die and leave everything and everybody unresolved because atan was too afraid to speak the truth.

OKAY I STARTED THIS AT LIKE 6:30 AND ITS CURRENTLY 8:11 DAMN!!!!!!!!! to be fair i was going back and fourth between my phone and this and im gonna draft it until i finish the other two chapters but no way im gonna finish it all tonight especially for the next chapter LOL

Illicit Affairs | Chapter VIII: My Tears Ricochet

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: All secrets are revealed and both you and Neteyam have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, limited mentions of Y/N, did i mention angst, angst and more angst?

Word Count: 10,3k words (the first couple chapters were 3k, how did we get here??!)

A/N: This chapter killed me a little inside. I cried multiple times writing it, so I guess fair warning. I wanted really badly to build strong, round characters who had flaws and strengths and strong reasoning for acting a certain way/doing certain things. I wanted to write this story from both character's perspective, so it is clear that in life, each person will think they are right, that their reasoning was the correct one, when in reality, we are all a little right and a little wrong in everything we do, and it is always worth trying to see things from the other's perspective. We are coming towards the end of this first series, so I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of this journey. As always, thank you so much for everyone who engaged with it, I loved reading ALL of your comments and replies, they really make my day.

(Also, I feel like I am playing my own little game of "how many Taylor Swift and OG Avatar lyrics/quotes/references I can reasonably fit in a story without it being obnoxious" and I can't tell if I'm winning or not.)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

You registered the girl asking you if you were alright, but you couldn’t see in front of you, the entire room spinning like the inside of a mirrorball. You felt your body rise from where it was sat next to Neteyam’s, and shakily made your way out. Neteyam’s mate. Neteyam’s mate was next to you, asking you if you need help. It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” you manage to blurt out weakly.

You heard more commotion, and faintly made out Jake’s voice and his arm on your shoulder, trying to bring you back to them.

“Neteyam, what the hell happened?”

You didn’t hear Neteyam speak. He was quiet and you were glad. You didn’t want to hear his voice, not now, and not for the rest of your life.

The world came back to focus eventually, and you spit aggressively trying to get rid of the taste of acid in your mouth. You removed Jake’s hand from your back, and left. The thought of speaking or even looking at any of them was too much to bear. You ran, harder than you ever had before, back to where you just came from, the Ikran nest in the village. You immediately recognised your own, beautiful, gold and white, pure, unlike the rest of this world. Neyn (light colours, shades of white)… fitting name, you thought. You made the tsaheylu quickly, and without a second thought, took off.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE III: DEPRESSION

You had no thoughts as you flew above the forest and made your way towards the general direction of the Hallelujah mountains. You realised you didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t know how you were going to find your way back, but it didn’t matter. Were you even going to ever return? There were no tears, no sadness, just emptiness. The pieces of your heart broke so finely they turned into dust, blown away in the wind of the night. Eventually you found the mountains, easy enough to spot, even in the darkness, the fluorescent flora marking the territory with an easy-to-see glow. You flew like this, for enough time that your lungs were running out of breath and your skin felt battered by the wind, but you kept going. You felt so free, so weightless. There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

You saw a distant mountain that looked brighter than the others, and you made your way to it and were amazed to find a little cave in it, bright and colourful, a little piece of heaven on a planet that was heaven in and of itself. Neyn landed softly on the edge of the mountain and you dismounted effortlessly and approached her head, giving her pets on her neck, to which she cooed gently. She was the only friend you had, you realise. You were all alone.

“Neteyam, what happened?”

Neteyam was dragged in the tent by his dad, who was fuming. No matter what feelings his dad was feeling, they couldn’t compare to Neteyam’s anguish and terror. Why the hell was she there? She just had to wait another couple of hours and this would have never happened.

“She was patching my wound up when Tiongli came in the tent, announcing to the world she is my mate. Said mother told her about my injury.”

“Don’t you dare blame this on your mother, boy.” the Sully patriarch’s nose was flared, eyes looking at him intensely with anger and disappointment. Neteyam’s eyes filled with tears, and he felt his heart hurting so much like the gash was there instead of his arm.

“I was going to tell her tonight, dad. After dinner. I was going to tell her everything, and I was going to ask her to be my mate. I was going to come to you both and ask you to undo the engagement. I understand that a year and a half ago I gave up on her, I did it for a reason, I thought there was no future for us, and that we were hurting each other. But things have changed. She has changed. She’s going to be one of the people soon and I want her to be mine.”

“Neteyam, you can’t undo the engagement. You have known Tiongli your whole life, her family’s been expecting this since you were both young. You gave your word before Eywa, son.”

“I love her, dad. Do you understand that? I have loved her all of my life. It killed me having to leave, it killed me knowing there was no future, because she was human. But she’s not just human anymore. I was willing to go through with this for the sake of the village, for the sake of the family and the future, but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life. Mother was betrothed to uncle Tsu’tey, and she gave that up for you. It was done before Eywa, and she didn’t care. Because she loved you and she knew that was enough. She gave up being Tsahik, her birth right, so she can have you. I will not give up on her, dad. Mother wouldn’t have given up on you.”

“I have to find her. I have to make this right.”

You were sprawled on your back, feeling goosebumps form along your limbs from the cold grass. You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating. Will you even still be alive when they come? Will everything you have gone through these few months matter? Will everything you have gone through in this life matter? All the pain, and the hurt, and the grief, just so you can die at 18 from a virus. The universe was cruel, you thought. It was a fitting end, though. Meaningless and daft, like your entire life was. Born on a planet you were not made to be able to survive on, your real planet a long-forsaken dream you will never experience for yourself, surrounded by nature that could kill you in an instant. Alone, never fitting anywhere, orphaned by human diseases: cancer and greed. Left to fend for yourself when you were just ten, learning to navigate a life that only seemed to want to clobber you to the ground whenever you thought you finally could stand up again.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel, not anymore. You wanted to fight for something, for the chance at life, or at retribution, or at love. You were dying and Neteyam killed whatever hope remained in you. They all did. Norm, Max, Jake, Neytiri, Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, all accomplices, all aware, all willing to lie to your face for weeks with no remorse. You thought you were good at spotting liars, now you just knew how little you knew about everything.

The pain in your soul mirrored the one in your body, as you felt the morphine wearing off and your human body struggling to keep the mind steady for the link. You had to bear it, because this pain was more manageable than the one you knew waited for you in your human form, when you would be alone in a dark room with only your nightmares to keep you company.

With a sigh and a peer up at the sky, you hoped whatever comes after death was better than the hell you’ve lived in the majority of this life.

Neteyam waited the whole night in your tent, waited for you to come back, becoming increasingly worried as the hours passed and you didn’t show. He wanted to go and look for you, but knew that as soon as you got on your ikran, the chances of finding you were thin. He would go to the lab as soon as dawn broke, but for now, he was praying that you would just burst through the tent opening so he can talk you down.

He fucked up, badly. He cringed at the thought of how much he seemed to not be able to get anything right when it comes to you. Everything he did or didn’t do ended up hurting you more, the only thing he didn’t want, the only thing in the world he continuously tried to avoid.

He was consoled by the fact that he would have a lifetime to make it up to you. He will not give up trying, no matter how long, no matter how hard, he was determined to win you back and keep you, forever.

As you made it back to your human body in the early hours of the morning, you regretted waiting so long, as your body was in indescribable agony, the likes with which you didn’t know was possible for the human body to ever experience. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, you were sweating bullets and every bone and muscle in your body throbbed with enough intensity to make it almost impossible for you to get up from the pod. Everyone must be asleep at this hour, you thought. You had to make it to your bed, you had to get at least a couple of hours of rest if you were going to live to see another day. As if you were taking the Iknimaya again, you made your way form the lab to the medical ward and injected another dose of the morphine in your system. There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

You crashed in your room for a few hours and quickly made your way back to the pod before anyone else was there to talk to. You started the linkpod by yourself and got in without hesitation.

Waking up in your Avatar body was a strange experience, as you were still in the Hallelujah mountains where you fell asleep last night. Neyn did not leave you, you noted, and she was peacefully resting next to you, cooing softly in her sleep.

“Hey, beautiful girl. Time to go back. It would be useful if you knew the way.” you pet her gently, trying not to disturb her. She woke up and pushed her snoot in your chest, and you felt it swell for this animal that you had an unbreakable bond with; you were grateful you had done the Iknimaya and at least gained a life companion from that horrible day.

As suspected, Neyn knew where to take you, and in about an hour you made it back to the village. You dreaded it, dreaded the inevitable interaction, but you knew you had to go back at some point and inform them of your whereabouts.

It was still early, so the village wasn’t quite bustling with energy yet. You quietly made it back to your tent, which you found empty. You grabbed your bow and arrows, knife and gun and a couple extra magazines. You didn’t know if you were going to be back. As you were making your way out, your head bumped into a large, muscular chest.

Fuck.

“Where the hell were you all night, kid? None of us slept a wink last night worrying.”

“Out.”

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

You laughed at the irony of his words. He caught your arm as you were walking away and pulled you back forcefully so you can face him.

“You are not going anywhere.”

“Let go.” Jake raised a brow at your words. He was not used to being spoken this way, you realise.

“How long?”

His grasp on you loosened, and his gaze softened when you peered up at him through eyelashes to which tears clung.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Kid…”

“How fucking long, Jake?”

He let go of your arm at your curse, which had never been directed at him before.

“Watch your tone, kid.”

“You made me feel like shit for learning to shoot guns without you. It made you feel bad, right? Knowing I purposefully left you out of something you could have been useful at, something we could have bonded over? I hurt you, by pushing you and Neytiri away for so many years, and I am sorry for that, but you have never, in your life, tried to understand me. So you gave me shit about something you didn’t understand, and I hurt so much inside at the thought of all I gave away by my reluctance to trust, to love, to let people in. So I changed. I let you in. I was here, everyday, acting like a perfect little daughter for you, the daughter I knew you wanted. Strong, capable, skilled. I let Neytiri in. I started calling her mum in my dreams, and although the guilt for my own mother gnawed at my insides silently, I was also relived, to finally have a family again, or for the first time.

I trusted you, Jake. You fucking lied to my face for months. Every time I asked where Neteyam was at dinners and you told me he was practicing, every day you plotted to get me out of the village as early morning as humanly possible and get me back after everyone else was fast asleep, I knew it in my heart you were lying, but you were all so good at it, I thought I was going crazy. But no, it was all a carefully planned ruse to not find out you made me come here and be part of the people just to watch the man I love belong to someone else without even a chance to decide for myself how to feel about it.”

The fight brought out the rest of the Sully family out of their tent, and they were all watching you now, concern and sadness displayed across their beautiful faces.

“You all lied to me. Looked me in the fucking eyes and lied to me, every day, multiple times a day. You were supposed to be my family.

The humans are coming. I will be here. I will stand and fight, you know I will. I will be your little soldier, and be who you made me into.

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

You were no longer delightfully numb, but burning with anger and earth-shattering sorrow as you stalked away from the village, leaving everything behind. Your eyes were blurry with endless tears, mourning this life and this family that you managed to gain and lose within the span of a few weeks, reeling from the wounds within your heart that never had a chance to mend before being opened again, over and over. You didn’t want to go back to the lab, knowing Neteyam was most likely looking for you there. You couldn’t go to the clearing for the same reason. You had no home anymore, no place in this world, once again. You could only think of one place to go, one place where no one would ever look for you.

Your knees were shaking furiously as you walked, and you were scared of another flashback that you would have to ride out by yourself, but it never came. You just walked, crying and panting from all the pain the last 24 hours brought, and eventually you made it to a place you never thought you would ever see again. The clearing looked peaceful, with rays of light penetrating through tree branches, creating Mandalas on the ground that you found yourself tracing with your eyes.

In the corner, lay a decrepit exo suit, and you made your way to it, settling on the ground next to it. You knew now this exo suit belonged to your dad, and you removed some vines that grew on top of his name, Gideon Barlowe. A beautiful name, you thought, and your mind wandered to the past, a past way before you were even born, and wondered what your grandparents did back on Earth. Did they encourage their son to leave his own planet in pursuit of planetary colonisation, monetary gain and murderous acts? Did they know? Did he know? Was he like that his whole life, or did he start off fighting the good fight, and was corrupted by the jagged and monstrous lifestyle? You wondered if this was what he has always dreamt of doing, or he had secret dreams of being a painter, or a gardener. Did he play guitar, too? You snored sometimes, did you get that from him? You had so many questions for this man you shared half your DNA with, but have never met. For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

Sobbing uncontrollably, you heard yourself speak in between wails. “Why am I here? Great Mother, please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

A little past eclipse, you arrived at the lab, and used the keycard you remembered to bring with you. You hoped Neteyam would be gone by now, in case he was trying to find you here. You made your way through the hub and into your bedroom, which looked tiny in your Avatar body. You realise how uncomfortable it must have been for him to be here so often, then cursed your brain for making you think about such things. Your Avatar body needed a bed, so you walked slowly to where the other Avatar bodies usually were laid to rest for the night. There should be an empty space where your mum or Grace used to sleep. It didn’t take long for you to wake up back in the linkpod, as with most nights recently, you were barely able to maintain the neurolink by the time evening came.

Max was waiting for you. “Neteyam came by. He’s been looking for you, said you left the village yesterday and didn’t come back. He was worried sick.”

You didn’t answer him, as you slowly got out of the pod and tried to steady your feet on the ground, harder than it seemed when the entire room was spinning around you.

“What happened?”

“The mate you all hid from me for weeks came announcing herself in my tent as we were just about to kiss.”

“Any other questions?”

You didn’t wait for a response before you made your way out of the room, stalking towards the medical ward.

As you retired to your room for the night, you noted the morphine was not working as well as used to anymore. You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left. Maybe a couple of days. A couple more days of this. And then it would finally be over. You gave it a fair shot, this life thing. You couldn’t say you felt particularly sad at the thought of it ending. You pressed play on your vintage record player and let yourself sleep.

“Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, til my dying day”

You spent the next 2 days in a haze, drugged out of your mind, waking up before eclipse and leaving to your dad’s grave and sleeping in the woods until the night, barely able to make it on your own two feet. Even in your human body, Neyn recognised you, and stood by you, which gave you some peace of mind. You made sure to bring her fruits from the lab, and she cooed warmly as she settled next to you.

When you made your way back that night, Norm was waiting.

“Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s been looking for you for 3 fucking days.”

You removed your oxygen mask and made your way to the room, where he followed you. You were in so much pain you couldn’t see straight.

“I am talking to you!” he took you by your arm and spun you around. The motion made you instantly sick, and you struggled to keep down the fruits you shared with your ikran.

“Let go of me, Norm.” you had no strength in your body anymore, so it took you awhile to shake him off.

“You look like shit. What did you do?”

You managed to make it to the bathroom, where you shut the door behind you and got in the shower. Fortunately, for you or him, you couldn’t tell, Norm was gone when you came out.

The next morning, you woke up desperately searching for pain relief and didn’t know if you were going to be able to make it to the ward before your knees would collapse on themselves. You were shaking and dizzy, out of your mind with agony and walking to the bathroom felt like the most intensive workout you have ever done. You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out. It was too much for you to bear, and before you could even think or rationalise, you felt your fingers curl into a fist and make contact with the cold glass of the mirror, shattering in dozens of pieces, and it made you weirdly happy to have a visual representation of how your soul felt. The instant pain of the all the wounds the smash caused also gave you a weird sense of euphoria, and you realised it was taking away from the pain in the rest of the body, which was only able to focus on one agonising sensation at a time. This felt like a kiss by comparison, and you knew then you could go on a little longer, you could continue with the rest of the day.

Norm came bursting through the door at the loud crash.

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

You came out of your bathroom, blood dripping all over the floor as you made your way to the bed, sitting down on it.

“Leave, Norm.”

“What?”

“Leave.”

“What the hell has gotten into you recently. you are rude and brash, and you hurt people’s feelings with no remorse. This isn’t you.”

“What the hell do you know about me, Norm?” you say, laughing bitterly.

“Ace, stop.”

“You don’t know anything, Norm.” you kept going, the fury and hurt getting the best of you, once again, your need to destroy everything in your path as a way to cope with your own heartbreak winning by a landslide.

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13? I have been slowly depleting our sleeping pill and benzodiazepines inventory and replacing it with multivitamin pills I found in one of the drawers. I mean thank God none of you suffer from anxiety or panic disorder or need help sleeping cause I would have been busted so long ago.”

You laughed mockingly at his shocked face, jaw so close the floor now you could trip on it on your way out.

“Did you know I am about a week and a half away from dying after I accidentally smashed a vial of infected blood and got it in my mouth?”

You stand corrected, you think now his jaw was close enough to the floor to trip on it.

“Did you know I have upgraded from a pill addiction to a full blown opioid addiction in order to not collapse on the floor in excruciating pain because of the way this virus is eating at my insides? Yeah, yeah, that’s right. We’re almost out of a whole vial of morphine after I injected it in my veins every day for a while now.”

He had no words. “That’s about right.”

“I do know one thing you do know, though. You know that Neteyam had his mate announcement ceremony that day I took off. You were there to see the two love birds announce their love and pledge their commitment to each other the one day I was not there. And that’s why you were acting shifty. You know about that. And somehow you forgot to tell me, every day, for weeks. How does that work out, Norm, hmm?”

“I felt so bad for snapping at you a couple of days ago. I felt like a horrible fucking person for hurting your feelings. I should have been watching my back, instead.”

You got up from your bed and started walking towards the door.

“If I were you I would not linger in a room with poisoned blood dripping on the floor for too long.”

You found some paper towels at the side of your bed and wrapped them around your bleeding, pained hand, and with that, you left.

After you upped the morphine you usually took, you went to the lab and prepped a hood for some more experiments. Work was a good way to get your mind off things, to mindlessly do something that had a purpose other than driving you to the brink of insanity.

You heard a loud banging noise coming from the entrance, and you had a sneaking suspicion you knew who it was. You heard Norm open the door.

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, but Neteyam, I think you should go. She’s not in a good place, and I really don’t think doing this will end well for either of you.”

“I don’t care, I have to talk to her, I have been looking for her for 3 fucking days.”

You heard the door to the lab slide open and hissed at the man you knew would be trying to come in, realising hissing in a human body doesn’t have nearly the same effect.

“Get the fuck out, Neteyam. This is a sterile room.”

“I don’t fucking care about the room, Atan. Where the fuck have you been? Please come out so we can talk.”

You threw your head back and laughed, really laughed.

“You really are delusional if you think there is any way in heaven and hell I would want to hear anything you have got to say. The time for talking was a couple months ago, Neteyam. The time for talking was the first day I got my Avatar body, where in addendum to telling me you own my ass now, you could have also sprinkled in the fact your are now mated with someone else.”

“I am not mated with anyone, for fuck’s sake. Just come out so we can talk, please. I will explain everything, please!”

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him, for the first time since that day. He looked exhausted, anguished. Deep purple bags under his eyes, that were burning red where the whites should be. He has been crying. Good, you thought. He looked panicked and miserable and desperate for you to give him the time of day, for you to allow him to explain the unexplainable.

You sighed and your heart constricted in pain. Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you. At the same time, you were curious, morbidly curious as to what has actually happened, what led to this moment. You knew he loved you. You knew that much, but it didn’t seem to matter in this moment, as he broke your heart for what felt like the thousandth time in your short life.

“Go to the clearing, I’ll come when I’m ready.”

You half considered just leaving him there to wait, abandoning him just he did to you. You finished splitting your cells and treating them, and in about an hour, you went into the linkpod and took your Avatar for a walk in the woods. You reached the clearing shortly, as it was close enough that even child you could do it without getting too far away from the building.

You saw him standing there, his back turned to you and his legs submerged in the river that was rushing violently downstream. It was a cold day, and rain was trickling down your body like shivers from a kiss. There was tension in the air, and you knew a storm was coming. You could practically feel the charge in the atmosphere, and were expecting thunder to start any minute now, ready to mirror the agony in your soul.

“I’m here.”

He didn’t speak for a while. Just stood looking at the river, deep in thought.

“So many of our moments throughout the years happened here. Remember when I taught you to swim in the river? Now, in retrospective, that was a bad idea since the water kept taking you away, to the point I had to wait at the end so I could catch you in my arms, like you were a baby.”

You winced at the memory. You thought you could do this. You felt numb in that lab, numb on the way here, but as soon as your eyes focused on him, tears starting pooling in your eyes and pain overtook your body, that you tried to counteract by wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. He’s caused you so much hurt, so much grief in the years he’s known you. But he was also at the forefront of most of your happiest memories. You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

That is why this hurt so much, why your body was convulsing on itself in insurmountable grief. And also why you owed him this much. Owed him this conversation, and the right to explain his point of view, that you were still unfamiliar with.

“Fuck, Y/N, all I did before I left is hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?” You were confused at the turn this conversation took. What did he mean? You couldn’t recall a single time Neteyam hurt you before you left. Sure, you would fight and bicker sometimes, but it was a normal part of any relationship, you thought. And he always made it up to you, would always come to the lab and sit with you with flowers he collected or trinkets he found in the woods, always holding you and kissing your forehead to make sure you were over it before he had to leave. Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

“I almost fucking killed you. Or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten how I manipulated you into getting on top of an ikran when you were just a 13 year old human and almost watched you die? Have you forgotten I took you to the woods and raced you to your dad’s remains? I was a walking magnet for disasters in your life and I was tired, so fucking tired of watching your life fall apart all around me. I had to watch you learn to walk again, limp because of my actions, for years. I had to pull you out of flashbacks and nightmares you developed because of ME. You were always fine in the woods with Lo’ak or Kiri, but everything bad that has happened to you happened around me.”

He was crying, panting and angry, at himself or you or the universe, you couldn’t tell.

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

You had no words to speak as you lay there, listening to him letting you in to a secret you have spent so many months agonising over. The reason for his departure haunted you for a year and a half, even when you refused to think about him, about it, it was there, constantly emerging from the depths of your subconsciousness, taunting you in your dreams. Why? Why? Why?

Because he wanted to protect you?

You didn’t have time to process all of this new information, before he continued.

“The night you found your dad, I was shaken to my core, in a way I have never truly been before. I was so heartbroken, for you and for myself, for knowing this will haunt you for the rest of your life. I went home and mother found me, and told me that maybe I can’t help you in the way I’ve always wanted. That maybe it’s better for you that I remove myself for a while and leave you room to breathe and heal. So I did. It took me a long time to get the strength to do it. Every time I thought today is the day, I would see you and you would smile at me, and we would sit on your bed and you would read to me or play me songs or just be there, just you and me, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You were everything to me, my light in all the darkness.

A year later, you sang me the song and you were smiling at me singing it, and I knew you were confessing feelings we have both felt for years and couldn’t say out loud. And I knew that if I stayed, whatever we had would escalate past the point of no return. If I stayed, that would be it. And that’s when I decided. I thought I was doing us both a favour. I knew it would hurt you, just as much as it hurt me, but I thought the pain would subside in time.”

You were crying now, you realised, tears falling silently and effortlessly down your face, with no intention to ever stop, instantly washed away by the pouring rain. There were no sounds, no sobs or wails, or panted breaths, just the sounds of rain and hopeless, soft cries and muffled sniffles, for the man in front of you, for all that you have lost, for the past you shared and the future that you would never have.

He got up from where he stood and turned around to face you. He walked towards you until he was so close to you could feel his breath on your face. His stare made goosebumps appear on your entire body, so earnest and desperate, so full of intensity for the words he was trying to convey to you.

“It didn’t.” He said, at the same time you thought the same words in your mind.

“A few years ago, mother and father told me I would one day have to find a mate. They knew and I knew it was expected of me, but I always put it off, so they eventually dropped it. I learnt later they both knew about us, so they didn’t push me into anything until they felt I was ready. A few months after they realised I decided to leave, they started bringing it up again. I didn’t want to hear it, but they said it was time, as I had refused for years longer than what was acceptable in the clan. I met with so many girls, all from good families, all healers in training, all wrong. Beautiful girls, smart girls, skilled healers and singers, and it was like looking at the grey walls of your lab. I felt nothing, I felt sick just thinking about it, like just the thought would be betraying the memory of our bond. Eventually, I told them they can decide. Grandma can decide whatever she thinks is best, and, as Tsahik, I would listen to her voice and wisdom, and do my duty to the clan. She chose Tiongli. I knew her growing up, and we were friendly, so I tried to make an effort. I would go to her tent, and she would show me her training sometimes, I would let her heal my wounds and imagined it was your hands touching me instead. I visited her family and paid my respects, and had dinner with them whenever they invited me. I hoped in time, I could learn to care for her, to lessen the distaste in my mouth whenever my family or the clan talked about the future, about the ceremony, about the life I was supposed to lead that I hated even the thought of.

And then, one day, my dad sent me to get Lo’ak from the lab. I was so scared of knowing I would have to see you again. It had been so long, and so many feelings gnawed at me on the walk there, terror and anxiety, guilt and longing. But then I saw you, and there was only one feeling: love. Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

He slowly took your face in his hands, and his thumb was caressing your cheek trying to wipe the tears and raindrops that were falling mercilessly. You saw his face slowly getting closer to yours, and you knew you should pull away, you should remove yourself from his grasp before the kiss was going to remove the last ounce of happiness from you. You knew what you had to do, knew that no matter what information or answers or justifications he would give you today, they wouldn’t matter. You should pull away, because there is no future, no hope. But you couldn’t. You didn’t know what waited for you in the afterlife, but if there was any chance you would have your memories, you wanted this kiss to haunt you forever, to remind you of the life you left behind.

His lips touched yours so gently, it felt like a whisper. Like a hug, tender and warm, it was so different than your first kiss. Tears were still running down your face as your lips moved, entangled with his and begging for more. Your hands went to his chest, to his neck, to his back, just touching him, trying to memorise his body, this feeling. You wanted so much more, you wanted to be his, you wanted to feel him, you wanted him to own you, like he did your heart, which has been his your entire life and will still be his after your death.

You were a mess of wet tangled limbs and panted breaths by the end, and eventually, he broke the kiss to look at you through teary eyes.

“I love you, I will always love you. I am so sorry.”

“I love you, too.”

“But this doesn’t change anything, Neteyam.”

“Thank you, for finally telling me why you left. For giving me some closure for something that has plagued me for so long, it became a constant part of my nightmares. Thank you for having my best interest at heart; it couldn’t have been easy to leave, if you didn’t want to, it took a strong heart to do something that hurt you for what you thought was the lesser evil. But it doesn’t change anything.”

“You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes. The ikran ride is still a beautiful memory to me. You made it a beautiful memory. If it weren’t for your quick thinking, we probably would have both died at the hands of Toruk. You saved my life, Neteyam. You carried me home and stayed with me while I was having surgery, you stayed with me after, while I recovered. You pulled me out of the worst panic attack I have ever had when I found my dad, and you rode out so many of my flashbacks, I have lost count. You weren’t the cause or the common denominator of these events, I was. I am the one plagued by misfortune and hurt and death. Not you. And if you tell me you had to leave to save your own peace of mind, I would respect that. I don’t know anyone in this world who can take this, take me and all the shit that follows me everywhere I go. I don’t blame you.

But if you tell me that you did this for me, that I can’t accept. I didn’t ask for any of this. You gave me no choice, and no say in this relationship, in our shared life. You just left. I deserved better than that. And I deserved better than to find out about a mate after months of lies and manipulation and deceit. I don’t care. I don’t care if you are going to say that you didn’t want it, or you were going to undo it, or that you’ve always loved me and never her. I don’t care. You lied to me, you manipulated me. You accused me of fucking your brother as you were promised to another woman that you hid from me for months. I do blame you for that, and I will never be able to forgive you.”

“Please, Atan…I will tell her no. I will tell her -.” he was sobbing now, his hands still on your face, pleading.

“No.” you slowly took his hands in yours and removed them from your face.

“I think you should do it, Neteyam. She is a good girl, she will make a good Tsahik, and a good mate. Your mother was right, there is no future here - there never was. I love you, so much. But I think you have broken my heart one too many times. I am done.”

You turned your back and walked away from him and the life that was lost - forever.

You were completely soaked when you arrived in the lab, and you went straight to the Avatar laying room and cried. Cried until it felt like no more tears could possibly come out of you. You cried yourself to sleep and then cried in the pod, on the way to your bedroom, and in bed until your human body eventually collapsed from exhaustion. You cried in your dreams, in which Neteyam was kissing you and touching you, doing all the things you were silently begging him to in your mind just a few hours ago.

Eventually, nightfall came, and you had to get up to do the rest of your experiments and top up your analgesic. Ironically enough, you were making real progress on your work. You found a combination therapy that was showing incredible potential in slowing the virus down. It wasn’t enough to stop and eradicate it, but it was enough to give people more time and hopefully give the scientists more time to find a cure. It wouldn’t help you, but maybe you could still help others.

At some paint through the night, as you were making up some reagents, Norm bursts through the door holding a bunch of equipment and some pills, you realise. He puts them down on the bench behind you and speaks.

“Right, stop whatever you are doing, right now.”

“I am in the middle of something.”

“I don’t fucking care. Stop, now.”

You were taken aback at his words and attitude. Norm never got mad, or lost his composure. He was so most well balanced person you knew.

You put the pipette gun down and turned around to face him.

“I still need to adjust the pH on this.”

He ignored you while he prepared the myriad of little gadgets he brought with him. He motioned for you to take off your lab coat, and you rolled your eyes in annoyance, but did as you were told regardless. You were too tired to argue anymore.

He raised the sleeves of your top until they couldn’t go any further up your arm and put a blood pressure monitor on you. You felt tension as its sleeve tightened around you painfully, but eventually it gave out with a puff, and you heard beeping as the machine finished its reading. You looked to your right where the monitor lay, and saw red lights flashing, letting Norm know your blood pressure and pulse were dangerously low. His eyes widened slightly at the sight, but he held his composure, removing the gadget from around your arm and putting it away. He then read your oxygen levels, which you saw were constantly dabbling between 89 and 90%. Not good, you thought. No wonder you could barely breathe anymore. Norm cursed silently under his breath, trying to not let you see him, but if there was one thing you were good at, it’s reading people. Well, you thought you were, at least.

“Did you do any tests on your blood? How is your complete blood count looking?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Why the fuck not, Ace? It’s not like you don’t know how to do it.”

He was angry, really angry. You’ve never seen Norm this angry, you’ve never seen Norm acting this way towards you.

You just shrugged. With a huff of annoyance, he took your arm and prepared a needle and syringe to collect some blood. He gulped and you could see tears forming in his eyes when he looked at the violet bruises and needle holes that were plastered along the length of your brachial vein.

“Just didn’t get around to it.”

“You didn’t - Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“What medicine have you been taking? Did you take the Relenta, or the combination therapy we have been working on?”

“Neither.”

You swear you saw Norm’s entire body enter a catatonic state and he turned so red you were worried he was going to release steam out of his ears.

“You have been sick for a month and did not take anything, none of the treatments we have been working on?”

You couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, finding comfort in the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“I can’t believe you. I didn’t peg you for someone who would just throw their life away meaninglessly. Your mum had to die because we didn’t have a way to treat her illness, and here we are, with a solution that YOU came up with for your own illness, and you will just not even try?”

You were quiet, not really having a way to rebut his questions.

“Fine. We will start you on the combination treatment tonight and take it from there. There’s other things we haven’t tried yet and I’m sure -“

“NO.”

“I’m not asking you. I’m not letting you fucking die.”

“Why must you always fucking try to fix everything, Norm? Some things can’t be fixed. I don’t want the fucking pills. I am done. I want this to be done.”

“So you’ll just die? Is that what you’re saying? You want to die, and not even fucking TRY to see if there is more to this life. Goddamn it, Y/N. I thought having the Avatar would help you realise life is worth living, there’s beauty in this world beyond the walls of this lab. You got your first kill, you did the Iknimaya, you’re going to become one of the people. Don’t you want to see what your future holds? Don’t you want to live to see yourself grow up? Fall in love, start a family. There are more guys in this world than just Neteyam.”

You gave Norm a dirty look and got out of the lab.

Neteyam felt his whole body reel after your conversation. It didn’t change anything, he thought bitterly. He thought explaining it to you, allowing to see that he had good reasons for his actions would allow you to forgive him, to at least allow him the opportunity to make it up to you through time. You left, just like he had so long ago, but there was a finality to you that he didn’t feel then. Back then, he always had hope that a miracle would still be possible, one in which you got an Avatar, healed and loved him, forever. He wanted to love you forever, but his apology and explanations were not enough.

He lost you, again.

He spent the night flying on his Ikran, just flying and letting the rain soak his thoughts and hurt away. He just wanted to disappear. He wanted the rain to melt his bones until there was nothing left of him but the memory of happier times.

In the early hours of the morning, he made it back to the village, trying to hide his cried out eyes and calamitous grief. He was dreading having to talk to his parents, to explain to them what happened, to have to go through with Tiongli and this future he didn’t want and will have to suffer through for the rest of his life. He didn’t have time to worry about it too much though, because, as he managed to get to the tent’s entrance, he heard Norm’s voice and his dad’s, intertwined with his grandma’s voice rising above them.

“It won’t work. Eywa will not allow her to come back.”

“Why not? She has taken her Iknimaya, she has completed her kills, she has spent her entire life in the village’s service, trying to help the best way she knew how. If she doesn’t deserve this, who does?”

“It’s not that she doesn’t deserve it. It’s that she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want this, Norm. The Great Mother will not transfer the conscience of someone with no future.”

“But maybe if this happened, she will realise that she wants to live. Once she’s rid herself of her weak body, of this disease, maybe she will -“

“The Great Mother’s word is final. She will die, because she wants to die.”

Mo’at’s voice rang in his ears so hard he thought his eardrums would pop.

She doesn’t want it.

She will die.

What were they talking about? Who would die?

No… it couldn’t be. No, the Great Mother wouldn’t be so cruel.

He didn’t wait to hear the rest of the conversation, running as fast as his feet could carry him back to the lab. He reached soon enough, he was faster than most other people in the village, and started knocking on the door of the lab with all his might.

“Y/N, OPEN UP, I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE!”

Eventually, Max came to the door, through which Neteyam burst without consideration for the tiny human next to him.

“She’s not in, Neteyam. She left before any of us had a chance to say anything.”

“Was she in her Avatar body?”

“No, the body is in the den where they sleep.”

He didn’t bother thanking the man, as he turned on his heel and started running again. She was there, had to be.

It was still raining, the clouds relentless as they released drops that poured gently down his face and body, and Neteyam thought the Great mother was crying, mourning the love being washed away like a pebble in the river of the clearing, just like he was.

You were there, of course you were. A current shocked Neteyam at the sight of you. This was the first time he has seen your human body in months, and he found it hard to reconcile the image of you he has known all his life with this current one. You were incredibly thin, so thin, whereas a few months ago he could trace your muscles, he could now trace your bones. You were pale, almost ashen, and the hair that he once spent so long admiring was now brittle and dull, obvious even as it was, wet and clinging to your back. You looked lifeless. He felt a lump form in his throat and tears pool in his eyes that were still not dry from all the pain this day has brought.

You didn’t notice him yet, your human ears much less sensitive than your Avatar, so you were just sitting on the riverbank with your chin resting on your knees, which were brought to your chest and your arms wrapped tightly around them. You were looking at the water, and it was like you weren’t actually there. You were in your own world, far from here, from this hurt.

“I was going to ask if it was true, what I heard Norm talk about in the tent today, but I think you’ve answered my question.”

Neteyam saw you flinch, and it felt like even that brought your weak frame pain. You were trembling when you looked at him, and your face made his own drop in shock. Your beautiful features, the blush in your cheeks, the glimmer in your eye, the pink of your lips, your animated expressions or raised eyebrows, were all gone. Your eyes looked glossed over and numb, your face looked ghostly and sunken, and Neteyam swore he could trace every blood vessel on your forehead and neck. The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

“I didn’t think I could make myself any clearer, Neteyam.”

“tell me it isn’t true. Tell me he’s lying; he’s making it up.”

“What part?”

“All of it.” Neteyam was angry now, trying to contain the temper rising in his chest.

“Tell me you’re not dying.”

“Norm has a big fucking mouth.”

“Can you for once in your fucking life just answer a question? This is fucking serious!”

You winced at his words, then struggled to get up, but did eventually and fully face him. The state of you hit him like bullets, piercing and scraping at his every organ, leaving bleeding wounds behind.

“It’s true”.

Crack, crack, crack.

“When?”

“The night you gave me the guitar. I was so busy being in love with you I forgot to put the proper protection on, and I smashed a bottle of infected blood. It got in my mouth, in my nose.”

“I thought you were working on a cure.”

“Haven’t found it yet.”

“But you said you have something that kind of works, something to give people more time.”

“I’m human, it doesn’t work that way for us.”

“So, you’ve tried.”

You weren’t looking at him anymore, just staring at the ground in front of you, somewhere next to Neteyam’s feet.

“Tell me you have fucking tried.”

It thundered aggressively as Neteyam said that, and he saw you once again tremble at the loud sound. You have never been a jumpy person. You were the bravest person he knew. You were the strongest person he knew. It was unspeakable having to watch you now, sitting meekly in front of him, when just a few days ago you took the Iknimaya, taking the climb to the toughest tests known to the Omatikaya, doing it like it was nothing, just another day for you. To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

“TELL ME YOU HAVE TRIED.”

“NO, OKAY?? NO, I HAVEN’T FUCKING TRIED.” You were sobbing now, your tears washed away by the rain and wind as soon as they fell down your cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because I am tired. I want this to end.”

“I thought you were happy. I thought you were better. You seemed better in the Avatar.”

“I was better… in the Avatar. Because that wasn’t my life. That was just a beautiful dream, while my life was the never-ending nightmare. It was easy to pretend in that body. It was easy to be the version of myself everybody wanted me to be. But I have to live with the real me every night. And I don’t want to do it anymore.” The more you cried, the more Neteyam’s blood boiled in his veins.

“That’s such fucking bullshit.”

“You know what I think?”

“I think dying is fucking easy. It’s your easy way out.”

You looked up at his much larger frame incredulously, and he saw how your mood was starting to mirror his own.

“What did you just say? You think this is fucking easy for me?”

“Yes, I think it is. I think all you’ve done since your mum has died is take the easy way out. Put everything and everyone in your little bottom desk drawer, keeping everyone at a distance. Do you know how much mother and father suffered every time you refused to come out, to come to the village? My mother cried herself to sleep at the thought of you alone in that lab, at the thought that you preferred that soulless, empty place to her, to us. Did you know that?

You have not once opened that drawer, not once dealt with anything. All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out.

You have made me feel like the worst person in the world, for leaving, for lying to you. But what the fuck have you done, huh? You lied to me about dying, for weeks! About dying! What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!

I left you for a year because I wanted to protect you, you are leaving permanently because you refuse to fucking deal with the pain and hurt I know you feel deep down inside. You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.

You are a coward.”

Neteyam turned on his heel and walked away, before he got a chance to see you collapse on the ground, giving your last few breaths in the place he used to imagine both of your children laying in his arms peacefully while you sang them to sleep.

Tag list (I hope I didn't miss anyone, thank you so much for asking to be tagged <3): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties

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jisungsplatforms · 4 years ago

Text

Sunflower

Pairing: Lee Felix x gn! reader

Genre: angst, fluff; Hanahaki au, college au, non idol au, (mutual) pining

Warnings: language, tiny tiny spoilers & allusions to some of my other fics if you squint hard enough. Some elements of Seungmin x reader (platonic), passing out in school, idk what else really, i guess getting caught making out by a doctor?

Note: this does NOT portray Stray Kids’ true personalities. This is all purely FICTIONAL

(Page III)

Sunflower:

“Tall, cheery flowers that symbolizes

adoration, loyalty and longevity

These charming beauties are know for being the “happiest” flowers in the world.”

Lee Felix.

If anyone could describe the guy, they’d say he’s sweet, bubbly, cute, fun, laid back. The type of guy who’d treat you like you’re royalty, but won’t hesitate to scold you if necessary. The guy you’d rely on when you need a shoulder to cry on. The guy who’d go through the ends of the earth to make you happy. The guy who could light up a building with just his smile.

But to you. You would describe him as:

The stunningly beautiful man who sits beside you in class every single day whom you’ve had a crush on for the past two years, whose presence always makes your day when you see him and would kill to be the reason of his insanely cute smiles and want nothing more than for him to be yours and vise versa.

Okay, yeah, a little lengthy, but you get the jist.

You sighed, turning to face the window a table away from you. Outside, you can already see the field of flowers nearby the classroom (courtesy of the environmentalist club at your school). Looking at the sea of colorful beauties always made you feel at peace inside, especially the tall sunflowers that had its own little field that you absolutely adored.

“Hey, Y/n?”

Speaking of sunflowers.

You turned your head to look straight into Felix’s glimmering doe eyes. You felt your heartbeat race when he gave you an adorably tiny grin.

“So, I’ve been meaning to ask, and your answer, by the way, will affect our friendship okay?” he trailed off, putting his phone down beside him. Your eyes widened at his choice of words. Is this it? This is it. OMG. THE Lee Felix is asking me out on a date! you thought giddily, already planning out your “date” in your head. “This is a question I’ve wanted to ask you for a while so,” Felix let out a little sigh, making your heart pound in anticipation, before continuing, “are you a pineapple pizza hater?”

...What?

Your shoulders were slumped in disappointment but was quickly replaced in confusion once you let your mind dwell on the question he asked you. “Huh? What? How does this affect our friendship?”

“Come on, just answer! I gotta know!”

You huffed out a small giggle, turning to face him even more. But before you could reply to his silliness, the bell rang.

“Oh! Wait, nevermind, looks like I gotta go now, Y,n,” he said as he packed his stuff into his bag. “I needa run home first then meet up with you and Seungmin later. I’ll see you then, yeah? Just answer my question later.”

“Uh...Yup! We’ll talk more later,” you said, starting to pack up your own things, “See you!”

“Bye bye!” Felix gave you a cute smile as he waved goodbye.

“I’m pathetic.”

You let out a despondent sigh, your body hunched over the coffee shop’s table while Seungmin quietly consoled you as he pitifully strokes your back.

“I mean, granted, you wouldn’t be so mopey if you, i don’t know, ask him out instead?” he said, not even looking up from his phone. You shot your head up to look at him in disbelief.

“And risk ruining my friendship with the greatest person who has ever lived? No thank you.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes and finally looked at you. “Don’t be so dramatic, you big baby. It won’t be the end of the world if you rejects your offer.”

You snarled at him. “Maybe not YOUR world, mine, however, would literally be decimated into little particles of dust, Seungmin dear.” You smacked your forehead back down to the table after your little personal dramatic monologue.

He shook his head in disapproval, clicking his tongue. “Sheesh. Drama queen,” he muttered to himself.

“I heard that, you jerk.”

“Good. ‘Cause it’s true. You need to suck it up and ask the ‘love of your life’ out on a date or so help me, I will drive you both to the middle of nowhere so you can sort out your feelings for each other.”

You moved your head again to face him with a pout. “And you say I’m the drama queen.” Seungmin only huffed in annoyance.

“Do something about it, or I will, Y/n. I’m serious!”

“Okay! Okay!” you said defeatedly. “I’ll get to it. Don’t worry.”

“You better,” he said, sternly, pointing his finger at you like how a mother would scold their child. His next sentence, though, you couldn’t quite catch. “I’m sick and tired of counseling you both like love sick puppies.”

You sigh for the umpteenth time today, slumping on your chair. The dainty bell handing on the entrance jingled, indicating a new customer. From your right, you could hear a cute but deep giggle. Then felt warm hands on each of your shoulders

“Aww, why’s my little cutie so pouty now?”

You did a literal double take hearing Felix call you ‘cute’, face heating up as you looked up at him. Seungmin gave you both the look before composing himself.

“What took you so long, Lix?” Seungmin questioned the blond. Felix pulled out a chair beside you to sit.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said, rubbing his nape, “Had to help mum out with something. It’s nothing bad though, don’t worry about it.”

“Hmm. If you say so,” you replied, “Let’s just work on some assignments, yeah?”

Several hours later, it was starting to get dark, so the three of you called it a night. You all gathered up your things as you talked.

“Oh, by the way, I might not be able to meet up with you guys tomorrow,” Seungmin announced. “Might be busy. Just to let you know.”

Felix was the first to reply. “Mhmm, that’s fine. We’ll just see you at school.”

“Yup.”

The three of you left the coffee shop, giving each other a quick ‘goodbye’. You and Felix walk in the same direction while Seungmin goes the opposite way. The two of you walked in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company. You hummed a little tune amidst your walk home. You didn’t notice the adoring smile Felix was giving you.

“You have a beautiful voice,” he whispered. You glanced at him before turning your head down, feeling yourself get flustered.

“Thank you,” you responded, “you know, you have quite a beautiful voice too, Lix.”

Felix could feel the butterflies swarming in his stomach at your compliment. “No, no. It’s not the best, but thank you!”

You turned your head to face him again, a little shocked that he would doubt himself. “You serious? Dude, you have like this rich, deep ass voice when you talk but when you sing? It's like...”

Felix waited for you to find the right words to describe him.

“... I don’t really know how to describe it with just words but it's the best thing I’ve ever heard with my own ears! It’s like being blessed by god himself when I hear you. I could lose myself just listening to you sing.”

He was taken aback. Singing was something he was shy about, so hearing how much you love his own made his heart flutter. He smiled so widely, his eyes turned into little crescents.

“Thank you, Y/n,” Felix giggled. Hearing that, you felt yourself get embarrassed, realizing how you got a little carried away.

“You’re welcome.”

You didn’t even notice that you were already at your house. Dejectedly, you turned to bid Felix goodbye, even though you didn’t want to.

“Bye, Y/n! See you in our ‘date’ tomorrow!” he laughed half-jokingly. Only then did you realize that it was just going to be you and Felix tomorrow. You froze, a little panicked.

“Uh- yeah! See ya’!” you said hurriedly, making a beeline to the inside of your house. Once you made it to the door, you turned your body in a 60° angle to wave goodbye, to which he returned. You stumbled with your keys for a while before finally unlocking the door. You swear you could hear Felix chuckling at your blunder. You gave him an awkward smile before slamming the door shut.

You threw your bag onto the floor, sighing as you slid down the door. You held your forehead in embarrassment. “What is wrong with me?”

It was now after your last class for the day. You made your way to the coffee shop you, Seungmin, and Felixi usually go to do homework. You were beyond nervous. It was just going to be you and Felix, aka the love of your life, on a little table together for the next 3-4 hours.

Damn you, Seungmin, you cursed inwardly.

Speaking of Seungmin, you could see his figure two stores down from where you were supposed to meet up. You hurriedly jogged up to him to talk.

“Hey, Min! Kim Seungmin!”

He turned around at the sound of your voice.

“Hi, Y/n,” he greeted, “aren’t you supposed to be with Lix right now?”

“I’m on my way there now.” Looking at his hands, you noticed the small bouquet of Chrysanthemums in them. “Ooh...Who’s that for?” you asked like the nosy person you are.

Seungmin glanced down before looking at you a little awkwardly. “It’s, uhm, for my dead friend.”

You widen your eyes in shock. “Oh my gosh. I am so sorry!”

“No, no. It’s fine. You didn’t know. It’s okay, really!”

“I still feel bad though...”

“Hey. I told you, it’s okay. It’s no big deal.”

You hummed awkwardly, not knowing what to say other than apologizing. Somewhere in your mind, you really wanted to ask what happened to his friend, but decided not to in fear of offending him in any way. However, Seungmin seemed to read you. “Hey, Y/n, have you heard of the Hanahaki Disease?”

You looked in confusion. “Hantahapki? What’s that?”

“Hanahaki. It’s this disease you get from unrequited love that makes you cough a crap ton of flowers until you die.”

“Ohh man. That sounds terrible.”

“It is. That’s actually how my, uh, friend died.”

“Oh, Seungmin…”

Seeing your closest friend so upset made your heart ache. You stepped closer to him, being mindful of the bouquet, to give him a hug. Seungmin sighed in content, returning the hug. “Thanks. I need that,” he said quickly, burying his face to your shoulder.

“Of course, Min. You’re always there for me, let me return the favor, even if it’s just a hug.” You could feel Seungmin tightening his hold on you. He whispered a quiet “thank you” before letting go.

“Now go to your date with lover boy,” he said, smiling, “don’t keep him waiting. Nevermind me.”

You chuckled as well, waving goodbye. “Yeah, yeah. Bye, Seung!”

You walked a couple more steps til you arrived at your destination. Inside, you could already see Felix inside on his phone. You stepped inside, greeting the barista as you went in, walking to where Felix was. You dropped your bag in front of him, startling him a little.

“Hey,” you greeted with a smile.

“Hey,” He gave you a sweet smile.

You slid inside your side of the booth and got started on your work. For the first two hours, the two of you talked and talked. At one point, Felix mentioned the sunflowers that you both always see outside the window of your only shared class. Your eyes lit up.

“Oh my god. I LOVE them so much!” you gushed. “They’re so lovely and bright and tall too, like how the heck are they so tall? Honestly, how could you not love sunflowers!” Remembering a small little trivia about them, you beamed. “Did you know that sunflowers are known as the happiest flowers in the world? That’s why they’re the perfect gifts to give to friends!”

“Ohh really now?” Felix chuckled at your enthusiasm.

“Man, I have to thank my friend for convincing her club’s president to plant them! Seeing them everyday is, like, the one of the only reasons why I come to class everyday.”

He giggled at the dreamy look on your face. “I really like you, Y/n,” he said adoringly. “You should see how cute you look right now.”

Your heart swelled in delight. You were in such a shock, you didn’t know how to react. Your palms felt sweaty on your lap. However, your glee was shattered into a million pieces by his next sentence.

“I’m so glad to have you as a friend!” Felix adds.

A friend. What a terrible title it was.

Even though you were heartbroken to the core, you still didn’t show it on your face. Instead, you gave him the biggest, yet fakest, smile you could muster, ignoring the heaviness in your chest.

“I’m glad that we’re friends too, Felix,” you lied, voice nearly cracking at the word ‘friends’. Felix gave you a small smile before going back on his phone. In that moment, you really wished you didn’t see the familiar name that plagued his notifications. You could hear the keys on his phone clicking as he texted someone in the background, but that could be barely heard over the sound of your heart shattering.

If someone could hear your thoughts, they would say that you were being over dramatic, but you would beg to differ. Felix was the first guy you’ve ever had a crush on. Sure, you’ve found people attractive before, but no one has ever made your heart flutter the way this sweetheart of a man does. In the middle of your thoughts, Felix called out your name.

“Y/n? Hey, Y/n?”

“Hm, wha-?” you said, kind of in a daze.

“Sorry, I have to cut our session short. Something kinda came up.”

“Oh...Oh sorry. Uh, go ahead, I’ll just stay behind to work on a little more work.”

“You sure?” he looked at you worryingly. He tried reaching over to touch your hand, but you dodged it stealthily. Your hands swiftly went back to your laptop to type.

“Yeah. It’s okay. Go for it.”

His worried stare lingered a little longer than expected before he slowly packed his things. “Thanks,” he murmured. He slid out of his booth once he was finished, grabbing his phone on the table. “Bye, Y/n,” he said quietly with a strained smile, one you didn’t notice since you were trying your best to not look at him in fear of breaking down.

“Bye,” you said, flatly. You listened to his footsteps get quieter as he left the shop. Only when you heard the bell on the door jingle, indicating that he left, did you let out your emotions. You smacked your head onto the table and let your tears fall. Pathetic, so pathetic, you thought. You tried your best to cry silently, out of respect for the other customers in the shop and your dignity. It was a little embarrassing that you were crying in a public area, but you couldn’t bring yourself to be care about it.

The pressure in your chest was getting heavier and heavier. Thinking it was just a mere cough wanting to make its way out of your esophagus, you let yourself do so, angling your head away from the outside. The pressure, however, was heavier than you expected, so you continued hacking your lungs out. Forcing yourself to stop, you slowly lifted your head to drink your water to relieve your now sore throat. Through blurry eyes, you could see several yellow petals underneath you.

Are those...sunflower petals? you panicked, seeing how there weren’t any sunflowers, real or fake, in the coffee shop. Your eyes widened when you remembered your conversation with Seungmin a few hours ago.

Shit…

“What do you mean you got the Hanahaki Disease?!” Seungmin exclaimed. He stared with eyes so wide, you were afraid that they might pop out of his sockets. You almost wanted to laugh hearing him so surprised if the situation wasn’t so grim. You fiddled with your fingers, nervous to meet your other friend’s eyes. Taking a deep breath, you looked to see Seungmin’s horrified expression.

“I-I don’t know how! It just- I just started coughing out sunflower petals after he told me how happy he was that we are friends!”

Seungmin’s look of shock instantly changed into one of pity. “Oh...So he rejected you, huh?”

You nodded slowly, mumbling, “Yeah. Indirectly...” Seungmin hummed sadly, scooting closer to you to side hug you.

“I’m sorry, Y/n,” he murmured, rubbing your arm. You leaned your head onto his shoulder, pouting. “But, maybe you still have a chance? You did say indirectly so maybe he still doesn’t know that you like him and might change his answer.”

“Yeah, sure. As if the sunflower petals coming out of my mouth isn’t a clear indication of Felix not returning my feelings isn’t obvious enough.”

“Hey! Anything could happen!”

“I guess...I just...I don’t know. I can’t really think straight right now,” you groaned, moving your head from Seungmin’s shoulder to his lap. He leans back onto the couch, relaxing his back against his couch.

“I told you, Y/n. Anything could happen. It won’t hurt to try, right?” he said, patting your head.

“I guess,” you pouted, sighing as you closed your eyes to relax. “Love sucks, doesn’t it, Min?”

Seungmin laughed through his nose, a tiny grin playing on his lips. “I wouldn’t say it sucks, per say, but yeah. It’s hard, isn’t it?”

“Sometimes I wish that I can’t love anymore, you know? So I don’t have to go through the pain of heartbreak ever again,” you paused before continuing. “I’ve done a little research before you came but, it said that I can actually achieve that if I surgically remove the disease from me.”

The room stayed quiet for a while before you continued. “Maybe... I should do it.” Even through closed eyes, you could tell Seungmin was taken aback by your words. He stopped rubbing your head, his whole body stiff. “Min?” you whispered, opening your eyes to see the look of disappointment on his face.

“Don’t say that, Y/n. Ever,” he sighed as he sat up on the couch, urging you to sit up too. “I know you’re hurting. Trust me. I’ve been through it too. But this isn’t something you should decide on the whim.”

He grabbed your shoulders, a little tighter than anticipated. “Talk to Lix first before you make your final decision. Don’t make this one of the things that you’ll end up regretting.”

You look down, biting your lip to control the frown that was threatening to show. You knew, deep down, that he said this as your friend; as someone who wants the best for you, but your emotionally unstable mind warped it to say otherwise. You rolled your eyes, clicking your tongue. “What do you know? You’ve never been in love before.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened. He was upset that you’d say such a thing to him. Being the rational person he is, he knew that you just said that out of despair, but it still hurt him nonetheless. He let go of your shoulders, moving them to his lap instead. Looking up to see his sad face was the exact moment you realized you messed up.

“Min, I-”

He cut you off by standing up, brushing off your hand that was about to touch his arm. Silently, he walked out of the living room, grabbing his coat.

You felt a wave of panic within your body. “Hey, Seungmin! I’m sorry! I didn’t-”

“You didn’t mean it, I know, Y/n,” he replied coldly, his back still facing you. “I know you’re just upset right now, and I forgive you for that.”

Seungmin sighed, turning only his face to look at you. “But that doesn’t give you any right to be rude to me, to any one, actually. I just wanted you to think about it more. As someone who has experience.”

Your shoulders slumped, only realizing now the real reason why he was so hurt by you. “I’m...so sorry, Seungmin. I forgot. I- That was insensitive of me. I really didn’t…”

He finally turned his whole body around, the weak smile he was giving you fed your guilt even more. “I told you, I forgive you, Y/n.” Without another word, he opened your front door to let himself out. He tells you one last thing before shutting the door. “Just promise me that you’ll talk to him before you do anything stupid, okay?”

You slumped further into the couch in shame. You couldn't bring yourself to cry like you wanted to, the day being emotionally draining for you to handle. “I promise,” you whisper to yourself. You closed your eyes, opting to fall asleep on the couch for tonight.

You rubbed your hands together as you walked aimlessly on the streets. After locking yourself in your dark house the whole day, you went out into the busy, afternoon streets to treat yourself. You were feeling a bit cranky seeing how you haven’t eaten anything yet, but not knowing what you wanted to eat. You let yourself wander a little more until you remembered something Felix had mentioned to you yesterday.

“There’s a new café that opened just last week. We should go there together soon!”

You walk into the direction of the café, wanting a “preview” of the food there. Arriving there, you note the pastel colors painted the walls, instead of the boring browns and greys most cafés are. You peeked through the window, debating whether you should wait for the other two boys or not. Looking around, you note a familiar mop of blond strands hunched over another figure on the other side of the shop.

Your heart dropped when you recognized the yellow sweater he was wearing, the same sweater you bought him for his birthday last year. Your eyes weren’t deceiving you, it really was Felix and his “best friend” in there, shamelessly hugging each other. You wanted to run away, you thought that they were too intimate to be just friends at this point. However, Seungmin’s advice haunted you from running. Now, you were determined to ask them what their stance in their relationship is and to confess to Felix this instance.

If only it was that easy for you. You stopped once you saw Felix turn his head to kiss the top of their head. Tears filled your eyes. No longer did you need to ask, it was already obvious to you. They’re together.

You turned around and walked, borderline running, away from the café. Not feeling the need to eat anymore, you ran all the way home. Once in a while, you stopped to rid yourself of the damned petals invading your lungs. If only you paid attention enough to notice the red petals that surrounded the two.

You slumped yourself against your door, once you arrived home. Everything around you looked...blurry. You couldn’t focus anymore. The only thing you can see are the bright yellow sunflower petals scattered around your floor. You clicked your tongue, shaking and laughing at the irony. The flower that you once adored and cherished is now the bane of your existence. You hopelessly kicked the petals away from you, your anger bubbling even more when they flew back to you.

Groaning, you stood up to mope on your couch instead, face planting the moment your knees hit the arm of it. You let yourself wallow in despair for almost 10 mins before remembering about the tap that was still open on your laptop. Scrambling to get up, you nearly tripped yourself on your way to your room. You opened your laptop and clicked on the tab labeled ‘The Onesided Love Syndrome’. You reread the information on the website.

“The Hanahaki disease is a rare, deadly illness born from unrequited love. When contracted, first, the infected’s throat will begin to fill up with flowers. Then, they will proceed to cough up, or even emesis, the petals. Eventually, their lungs will fill up with the fully bloomed flowers and will suffocate, ultimately leading to their demise,” you read out loud, feeling yourself get anxious. “It can only be cured in two ways. Patient must surgically remove the flower from their lungs, which will result in the patient losing all (romantic) feelings of love altogether. Patient’s love must be returned romantically...otherwise it will result in...death.”

You stayed silent. You were contemplating if you should do the procedure. You didn’t want to die but you knew that there was no other option. Felix was a taken man, and you had to accept that. However, your mind keeps going back to Seungmin and his saddened face. You turned your head to look at your phone, the screen lighting up to reveal a picture of you, Seungmin, and Felix.

You were smiling wide with your teeth showing in the picture while Seungmin had a small, dorky smile on his face. Your eyes lingered in Felix’s face. He was smiling with his teeth as well. Only he looked cuter than you with his freckles decorating his delicate face. The ambiance of the picture felt so warm as opposed to the cold, lonely room you were in. You hunched yourself over your bed to cough out the petals.

You grimaced with teary eyes, hating how it felt like you were throwing up. You got up, purposely stepping on the sunflower petals, to get a cup of water. I’ll wait. I’ll wait to make the right decision.

You have successfully avoided Felix for the past week. It’s been 5 days since you’ve seen Felix and his lover in the café. 5 days since you’ve talked to Felix. Your chest hurt, yeah, every time you avoided him, but your chest would hurt even more if you actually did interact with him.

You walked past your next class, the class that you and Felix shared. You only had that class for 2 days of the week, so you didn’t feel bad skipping it. Not like I liked that class anyways. You were already 2 classes away when you heard your name being called.

“Y/n!”

You walked faster, your heart pounding when you recognized the voice. “Y/n! Hey!” Holding your bag closer to you, you started sprinting down the hall, getting weird looks from the people you passed. Seemed like Felix wasn’t going to let you out easy, he started chasing after you. You tried running faster when his voice started becoming louder.

Felix, being the surprisingly athletic man he is, easily caught up to you, firmly but gently gripping your shoulder. “Y/n! I’ve been wanting to talk to you!” he panted harshly. You were out of breath too, but tried your best to refrain yourself from gasping for air, in fear of triggering the disease. You stayed quiet, not making eye contact with him.

“So, what’s up, Y/n? Why have you been avoiding me?”

Shock ran throughout your body, not expecting him to cut to the chase so fast. You made a little glance at him to see the sad expression on his face. You quickly looked away before he could catch you.

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? What’s happening to you?”

You hate it. You hate how caring he is. You hate the worried look on his face. You hate the way he holds you so gently. And you especially hate the way your heart flutters at the way he’s basically telling you that he misses you. You mustered up the strength to look at him in the eyes. “Nothing,” you said coldly, surprising both Felix and yourself.

“Nothing, huh? Then what’s up with you avoiding me then?” Felix asked with a stern tone. He stared at you with a soft but sad look, making you feel guilty for hurting him like this.

You murmured, “I told you it’s nothing, Felix. Just- leave me alone.”

Felix was surprised by your loftiness. He, however, chose to ignore it. “Fine. Don’t tell me what’s wrong. But at least tell me what’s up with you and Seungmin!”

“What about me and Seungmin?”

“You’re avoiding him too! And he looks like he doesn’t wanna see you either. What’s wrong, Y/n? You know you can trust me, right?” Felix moved his hand from your shoulder to your cheek. He caressed with his thumb while he muttered, “I care about you.”

Your face grew warm from the sudden intimacy. His face was unnecessarily close to yours, his warm breath fanning against your lips. His eyes were filled with so much emotion, it made your head dizzy. You wanted to kick yourself for leaning into his touch. You were so caught up in the moment that you couldn't bring yourself to push him away when his face leaned closer to yours. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Felix’s phone rang. Using the opportunity, you immediately pushed him away, missing the flash of pain on his face.

Slowly, he answered. Hearing him say the name you last wanted to hear, you could feel the sunflower petals making their way up your throat. From the corner of your eyes, you could see Felix’s face grow panicked. He then started calling out their name with such urgency that it made you feel a little panicked as well. Felix hung up then turned to you with a scared face. Even if you were jealous and annoyed that your moment was interrupted, that was still someone who was dear to Felix’s heart; someone who needed Felix.

“Go,” you said gently, “They need you. You care about them too, right?”

Without another word, Felix nodded, turning to run out of the school as fast as he could. Your heart ached the smaller his figure became. No longer could you contain the petals from spewing out of your mouth. You covered your mouth and coughed harder than you expected. Unlike the past few days, this couch was stronger. This time, you felt like you couldn’t stop. You coughed and coughed, grabbing the attention of a few people.

You felt lightheaded. You had a feeling that you would pass out. Right as your vision turned blurred, you could feel someone place their hands on your back and chest. “Y/n?! Y/n! Hang in there!”

“Seung...min?”

“Y/n!”

You opened your eyes, feeling heavy. Your body ached, it was like you fell from the top of a 80 story building. Feeling something, or someone, holding your hand, you turned your head to see Seungmin resting half of his body on your bed.

Wait.

This isn't my bed? You slowly sat up and looked around. Seeing the white walls, suspended tv, and the heart monitor by your side, you confirmed that you were in the hospital. Looks like Seungmin took me here.

You felt Seungmin grip your hand tighter, stirring a bit before sitting up. His eyes met yours. “Hi,” he said quietly, squeezing your hand again.

“Hi,” you whispered back.

“You feeling okay?”

“Yeah but...I didn’t...You didn’t make me-”

Seungmin knew what you were trying to ask, like usual. “No. I didn’t. I wanted you to make the decision yourself.” You sighed in relief, falling back onto the comfort of the hospital bed. You stared up at the white ceiling as Seungmin stared at you.

“The doctor scanned you while you were unconscious,” he said.

“Yeah? What did he say?”

“He diagnosed you; said you had the disease for about a week now, which I told him that we already knew.”

You hummed, acknowledging that you were listening.

“Then he told me-“ Seungmin hesitated, trying to find the right words to use.

You sat up again, staring him down. “He told you, what?”

He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry but, you only have about a month left to live.”

“Wh-Wha? Huh?” you were scared. Only one month? “But I thought- I thought I’d have a little more time than that! One month only? How-?”

“It’s an unpredictable disease, Y/n. I know it’s only a short time left, but I still wanted you to talk to Lix first before you do it.”

You bit your lip to stop yourself from tearing up. “I kinda talked to him already- he’s kinda the reason why my petals went haywire. There’s nothing to talk about anymore, Min.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Besides. He needed to go to- you know. I didn’t wanna stop him from going, it sounded urgent.”

“Oh!” Seungmin gasped, “Luckily you said that! Felix is actually here.”

“...What?”

“Yup! Apparently they have the Hanahaki Disease too and their petals went haywire, like yours did. They just finished the surgery not that long ago!”

“Hanahaki…? But, how? I thought that they were together?”

“That’s why I keep telling you to talk to him,” he said, placing his free hand on your knee. “I’ll call him?”

You nodded your head, not trusting your voice. Seungmin let’s go and stands up. “I’ll be fast.” He jogged out of the room, leaving you alone with your confused heart.

About 10 minutes later, there was a knock. You looked up to see a tear-stained face Felix and a breathless Seungmin at the entrance. “I’ll leave you guys now,” Seungmin announced, patting Felix’s shoulder and muttering a good luck to both of you.

Felix cautiously walked inside, his eyes on the floor. He wordlessly sat on the chair Seungmin sat on. The two of you stayed quiet, not having the guts to look at each other.

“So, you too, huh?” Felix’s voice rang out. You turned to find him already staring at you. Different kinds of embarrassment flooded your mind.

“What? About me liking you too or about the Hanahaki thing?”

His face looked confused at the first thing you said. “Uh, both?” he said with uncertainty. “Wait. ‘Too’ as in, you knew I liked you, or-?”

“You like me...too?” Now you were confused as well. “Wait wait wait. Start over.”

“I meant, you had the Hanahaki disease too?”

“Yeah...Yeah I did. I mean, I still do. Seungmin didn’t want me to undergo the surgery just yet. He kept telling me that he didn’t want me to regret anything.”

Felix chuckled weakly. “Yup. That’s Seungmin, alright,” he sighed. “Looks like you guys are good now.”

“Yeah.” Another wave of silence took over the room.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered again. You looked at the boy that was hunched over in his chair. His hands were stiffly laid on his lap, but it looked like he wanted to hold your hands instead. So you did. You grabbed his hands, cupping them into your own. His eyes widened.

“I was scared,” you confessed with determination. “I didn’t know if I was ready to get hurt. I didn’t want to get hurt. So, I just stayed quiet all this time.”

You looked into his eyes with the same amount of passion he had in his. “But then I saw you hanging out with that best friend of yours more often and- and I got jealous. I feel bad, you should be about to hang out with whoever you want, especially with them! I shouldn’t have been jealous but there's no helping it, I guess. God, I even thought that you two were freaking dating! I was- I...“

You sighed, getting overwhelmed. You took another deep breath before continuing. getting straight to the point, you said, loud and proud, “I love you, Felix.”

Felix’s face turned red. His mouth literally dropped open.

“I love you so, so much, Felix Lee. This all happened because I love you so much, and I was just being selfish because I didn’t want to lose you...I guess I just ended up hurting a lot of people, not just myself.”

He dwelled in your confession. Felix was ecstatic to hear this! He stayed silent, still in overjoyed shock, which you misread.

“If you don’t reciprocate, it’s fine. I just wanted to tell you before I do the surgery.”

All of a sudden, Felix shot out of his chair, making it tip over, and kissed you, which greatly surprised you. His small hands cupped your face with such care, you almost wanted to cry. You kissed him back, moving your hands over his. With that one kiss, you could feel all the weight on your shoulders, and in your chest, disappear. Felix was the first to pull away, leaning his forehead against yours.

“God, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“Hm?” you mumbled breathlessly. “Why don’t you do it again? You know I’ve been waiting for this too.”

He pulls you in for another kiss, this one more intense than the last one. This kiss was more desperate, like you both were scared that this was a dream. Before anything could get heated, the sound of a knock and someone clearing out their throat interrupted you two.

“Sorry to interrupt you kids, but I have a patient to examine?” The two of you frantically moved away from each other, flustered. You both muttered quick sorry’s to the doctor. The doctor walked closer to you, holding some documents and a weird device that looked like a fetoscope in his hands.

“You’re L/n, Y/n, I presume?”

“Yes, sir,” you confirmed, still embarrassed from getting caught making out with Felix. The said boy rocked on his feet, his arms were comically stiff in front of him.

“Your friend, Kim, should’ve told you what I told him. Now that you’re awake, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go through a procedure to remove the flower in your lungs. However, I’m guessing that that might not be necessary, anymore, hm?”

You and Felix grew hot. The both of you avoided eye contact with one another. The doctor only laughed at your awkwardness.

“It’s fine. No need to be embarrassed, youngins’,” he laughed, “This is way better than dying or living your life without love.”

You giggled stiffly, mustering the courage to look at Felix. “Yes, sir. You’re right,” you breathed out with a smile.

The Doctor hummed. “Well, judging by the little scene you’ve created, I think that you have already cured yourself from the disease,” he said, putting his documents down on the bedside table. “but just in case, please allow me to scan your chest to confirm.”

Hesitantly, you pulled down your shirt, revealing your chest. Felix, out of shyness, turned away from you with a red face. You had to resist the urge to laugh at his adorable-ness. The doctor gave you a lubricant to rub on your chest and held the device against it. He maneuvered it around your chest, observing the screen in his other hand.

“Well then, Y/n. Looks like you’re lucky! The petals have completely disappeared. You are now cured from Hanahaki!”

You smiled widely, looking at Felix, who returned your smile. The doctor excused himself out of the room, leaving you both alone.

“Congratulations, love. You now get to live a long life with your boyfriend!” Felix cheered. Your face burned at the title he had given himself.

“I love you,” you said happily.

“I love you too.” He steps closer to you to kiss you again when another knock interrupted you again. You laughed hearing the quiet “shit” that came out of Felix’s mouth. You both turned to see Seungmin standing there with a smug smile.

“I told you so,” he said proudly. You rolled your eyes at him.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Thanks, Seungmin the wise,” you sarcastically said. The three of you laughed, happy that the bond between the three of you was now stronger than ever.

“Hey wait, you still haven’t answer my question, Y/n! Do you like pineapple pizza or not?”

(Case #XX2-

Name: Y/n L/n

Patient: Cured; discharged at XX,XX,XXX at XX:XX)

—————————————————————————

(back to Page I)

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spartanguard · 5 years ago

Text

(love will see us through these) Dark Days [CSRT; 7/7]

Summary: A century ago, the United Realms of Pomem had been a land of peace, prosperity, and magic. Until war tore the land apart, leaving behind cruel leaders and even crueler laws regarding the use of magic. And each year, the youth of each realm are subjected to a fight to the death, both for entertainment and to weed out anyone capable of wielding magic. In the 99th Magic Games, past victors Emma Nolan and Killian Jones find themselves serving as mentors, while Alice Gothel and Robyn West end up representing their realm. Everyone has secrets; everyone has something to lose. Who will win? Who will die? Just don’t forget: all magic comes with a price.

A/N: OMG IT’S THE LAST CHAPTER!! Thank you so much to everyone who has commented on it; I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed it! I don’t exactly have a timeline for the next story yet, but I’ll probably start working on it when I’m done with my CSSNS commitments. And thank you again to @captainswanbigbang for giving a great venue to revisit this, and to @optomisticgirl for being an amazing beta. Title is from “Safe and Sound” by Taylor Swift and the Civil Wars. Enjoy!

CHAPTER 7—Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound

The trip home was...weird. That was the only way Robyn could describe it. It was the same train, and the same views of Pomem flying by outside, but in reverse—which felt poetically appropriate (or something like that; she wasn’t great at writing).

Because this trip was a complete 180 from the previous: last time, she knew there was a very decent chance she was being carried away to her death; to have escaped that—and lived through everything—definitely carried a sense of relief with it, but she also knew she wasn’t the same person she was a few weeks ago.

Granted, it was a much better 180 than the one most of the other tributes had taken: leaving home alive and well and heading back in a coffin.

(Could there actually be that many 180s from the same point? She wasn’t great at geometry either.)

(God, she was probably going to have to go back to school, wasn’t she? Ugh, being 16 sucked.)

She knew that a whole different life was waiting for her in Sherwood, but how she was supposed to build it on the foundation of her past was what she hadn’t figured out yet. There was probably a house waiting for her and her mom in Victor's Village—whichever one they wanted, most likely, given that Eloise and Alice were the only other living Victors. She wouldn’t have to go to work in the textile factories or cotton fields like everyone else was expected to, and she didn’t even have to follow her mom’s footsteps into midwifery if she didn’t want to. She’d probably have to become a mentor, once she finished high school, but that was far from a full-time job.

Hell, she was even nervous about seeing her mom again. As much as she’d felt a pang of jealousy at the fact that Alice had her mother—well, both parents—with her, as stilted as her relationship was with Eloise, and as much as Robyn desperately wanted to fall into her own mom’s hug and never leave, she wasn’t sure it would hold the same comfort it used to.

She was going to be vaguely poetic again: she was standing on a precipice, but couldn’t see past the edge.

That was semi-literal; the train was going through mountains, so there was stone on one side and a sheer cliff over forest on the other. The sun was making its slow ascent and Alice was snoring in the bed, feet away.

Technically, they had their own cars, but neither of them really wanted to be that far from each other; they’d done that enough after the games. They'd spent the last couple days of the ride talking, cuddling, kissing, and getting to know each other in a somewhat normal manner—like people usually do when they're not caught up in a death match. She knew now that Alice's favorite color was light blue, like the spot where the sea meets the sky; that her favorite place was her father's ship; and she had this adorably ticklish spot on her hip, right at the juncture of her thigh bone. (They hadn't just kissed...they were still teenagers, after all.)

And on her end, she’d been able to tell Alice about helping her mom with births when she was growing up and how that made her never want kids; about how her favorite color was orange, like a sunrise; and about the father she’d never met, but grew up in the shadow of.

“God, I can't imagine not having a papa,” Alice had said. “What happened?”

“He died in that big fire that knocked out Factory 21 when we were babies. He was trying to get other people out when a beam collapsed on him.”

“Oh my god; I'm so sorry. Your poor mum!”

Robyn had to shrug at that. “Well, he and my mom were never formally together, same as your parents. He was actually a widower and had another kid; you know Roland, the groundskeeper?”

“Yes! Oh my god, he has the curliest hair.”

“He's my half brother.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, he went to live with his mom's relatives after the accident; I was only a couple months old, so I was already with my mom. There was some drama with the settlement money being split between me and Roland, so he and I aren't close at all. All I've got are my mom’s stories, and what other people have said. And apparently my skill with a bow; I guess he was a great shot.”

“Hey, that's a pretty great way to honor him—using that to win the games.”

“I guess.”

The one thing they hadn't managed to talk about at all, though, was what came next—for them, as a couple. Robyn loved Alice, she knew—but she was also a teenager and so much could change. If she had all these other questions about her future, was Alice going to be a constant, or a variable?

(She did okay at science.)

Even though she’d only been around him for a tiny bit, she kind of wished she had Killian to talk to, like Alice would. He seemed like the kind to dispense good fatherly advice.

Or he’d pass judgment on the person who was dating his daughter. Hard to say.

At least she had access to the next best thing: Eloise. To be honest, Robyn was still intimidated by her, even if they were kind of on equal footing now, at least socially. There was just this...aura she gave off, or something, that set Robyn on edge. But if they were going to be part of each other's lives for the foreseeable future, one or both of them would have to get over that.

And this was the last leg of their journey home so she should probably do it sooner rather than later.

She grabbed a robe and slipped it on over her Olympus-provided pajamas that she had definitely stolen, gave Alice a kiss on the cheek that she didn't notice (and she probably wouldn't be awake for another few hours), and quietly slipped out of the train car to the next one—the club car.

Robyn had figured it’d be a good place to get a bite to eat and wait for Eloise to wake, but to her surprise, her mentor was already there.

“Uh, hi—good morning,” she stammered, afraid to move for some reason. “You’re up early.”

“Actually, you are,” Eloise answered. “I’m kind of surprised after what you two got up to last night.”

It was still pretty dark in the car, which was good because Robyn’s cheeks were probably the color of the hibiscus tea Eloise was drinking.

“I’m not judging; just...consider your volume in the future.” She was smirking; what did that mean? God, she should just turn around now. Or better yet, throw herself off the moving train. But it would be pretty silly to come this far only to die of mortification.

“Take a seat; grab a bite. You won’t get food like this at home.” Eloise gave her a pointed look with her invitation that told Robyn she didn't really have a choice here, so she complied, taking a seat on the other side of the table and reaching for a muffin.

She picked at it while working up the nerve to ask her questions—or even remember what they were—when Eloise spoke up.

“I get the impression this wasn't just a casual social call,” she said, eyeing Robyn and then taking a sip of tea. “Are you wondering what comes next?”

“Uh—yeah, actually; how did you know?”

“Because I’m a mother, even if I’m not particularly maternal. And because I had that same kind of nervous energy after I won my games.”

Robyn chewed her bite of muffin—was that blueberry green tea flavored? Dang—while deciding where to start. It probably made sense to start with the hardest one. “How...how did you go back to your mom?”

Eloise’s brow furrowed, and she took another long sip of tea. “To be honest, I’m still not sure. My mother was a firm believer in being one with nature, in pacifism; I sometimes wonder if she didn't want me to win at all—if she would have preferred I be killed instead of doing the killing. I could barely look her in the eyes when I got off the train.”

She paused to take another sip, but a lump was caught in Robyn’s throat—that was exactly how she felt right now.

“But she shocked me—she just lifted my chin, smiled at me, and pulled me into her arms. Mothers have a large capacity for forgiveness, you know.”

Robyn scoffed. “You haven’t met my mother, though.” To say Zelena West could hold a grudge was putting it lightly; they could only go to certain shops in town because of the petty fights her mom had picked.

“Oh no, I have. Who do you think delivered Alice?”

Robyn’s jaw dropped. “Seriously?”

“Mhmm. I think you were a few months old at the time, and she was pretty desperate to get back to you—but Alice was taking her sweet time.”

“I can see that,” Robyn giggled.

“But she finally made her appearance, and your mum told me that becoming a mother was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Now, personally, I’m not sure I can say the same, but I have to assume your mother still believes that, and is just going to be happy you’re home.”

“But...I'm not the same person I was then. The things I’ve done…”

“She knows, Robyn. Everyone saw it. And she’s still going to love you and be there for you.”

That made Robyn feel a bit better, but an awful question came into her head. And she couldn’t hold it back. “Is that how you feel about Alice?”

Eloise finished her tea, then set the mug down. “I’m terrible at showing it, but yes. Motherhood was never something I wanted, but it got me out of a situation I wasn't happy with. We may not be close—and we’ll never be as close as she is with her father—but I’m still proud of her.”

“Good. You should be.”

Eloise smirked at Robyns matter-of-fact statement. “Oh? And why is that?”

“Because Alice is awesome!” Robyn blurted out. “She’s sweet and funny and kind and amazing and—”

She was cut off by Eloise’s laughter. “Alright, I believe you. I had my doubts there, but you’ve convinced me.”

“What?” Hold on—doubts? “Convinced you of what?”

“That you really love her.”

Robyn was dumbstruck. “You didn't think so before?”

Eloise leveled an unamused look at her. “Robyn. You and I are more similar than you think. You can see strategy beyond your emotions; Alice...can’t. Not as well.”

“You think...I was faking?”

“I wondered.”

That muffin was threatening to come back up.

“I’m glad it’s real though; that makes the future easier.”

“Easier?”

Just then, the door swung open, and a groggy Alice stumbled in. “Oh, there you are,” she said, smiling sleepily; Robyn’s heart skipped a beat, it was so cute.

“Hey,” she said, suddenly shy.

“Good,” was all Eloise could say. “You both probably need to hear this.”

Alice flopped down on the plush seat next to Robyn. “Hear what?”

“How the rest of your lives are going to go.”

Alice had been slathering marmalade on toast, but slowed her roll, her eyes growing wide. “What do you mean?”

“You know this can't end, right?” Eloise asked, pointing a condescending finger between them. “This is who you are now: the Star-Crossed Lovers of Sherwood, defeating all odds to get their happy ending.”

Under the table, Robyn reached for Alice's thigh and squeezed. “But we’re only teenagers. I don't...I don’t think my feelings will change, but...” She made a point to not look at Alice when she said that, scared of what might be on her face at a statement like that.

But, to her surprise, Alice was the one to reply. She sighed, saying “No, she’s right; the games are never over. Whatever happens between us, Olympus is only going to want to see one thing.”

“What, us?”

“Yeah,” Alice said, a bit sadly, breaking Robyns heart. “Why else do you think we’ve had to keep it a secret that I’m Killian Jones’ daughter? There’d be no more privacy ever for my family; and it’d break all sorts of laws.”

“They’d stop caring at some point, right?”

Eloise shook her head. “Look at the Misthaven dynasty.”

Everyone knew about the Nolan family—David and Snow, who won and fell in love; then their daughter Emma, who fell in love with another victor and had a son; god, that kid was doomed. But they were still the focus of a lot of attention during the games, and even more once Snow became the mayor there. They might as well be royalty.

Shit, was that Alice and Robyn now?

“Damn.”

“Yeah,” Alice agreed.

“But what if—what if it doesn't work out?”

Alice was quiet while Eloise answered. “It has to. Unless you want bad things to happen.” Abruptly, she stood then. “If you excuse me; I need to make sure I’m packed before we get home.” And she left an incredibly awkward silence behind her in the car.

Alice picked up her toast and finally ate it, and Robyn finished her muffin. Alice picked up another piece of bread, and the knife for the marmalade, but that probably wasn't even sharp enough to cut the tension between them.

She tried anyway though. “Do..do you really not think we’ll make it?” she asked quietly.

“I…” Robyn started, but she really had no idea what to say. “I...want to,” she settled on. “But I’m also only 16. I don't even know what I want to do next week.”

“That’s not the same and you know it,” Alice said through a mouthful of toast. She chewed and swallowed, then continued, “I know we’re young, and I know our lives are going to be crazy from here on out. but one thing I'm certain of is you. And I don't want pity or anything, and I don't want to find out you only feel bad for me or something, or you just did it for the games, and that’s why you like me back. And—ugh!” she yelled, throwing her toast at the table and grabbing at her cuff.

This wasn't the first time this had happened: anytime Alice got overly emotional, something happened with her magic that caused a painful reaction with the cuff; in a calm moment, she’d explained that her magic was tied to emotion, so it seemed that whenever hers got out of control, its attempts to rein her in ended painfully.

“Hey, I've got you,” Robyn said quietly, moving closer and pulling Alice into her arms.

But Alice pushed back. “No; not now,” she barked, then winced. “I'm going—I need my mum. I’ll see you later.” She was up and out of the car faster than Robyn could protest.

Well, fuck. She’d made a mess of that, hadn’t she?

And out of all that, the worst part was watching Alice walk away.

Maybe they needed some space; maybe that would help. She’d try to talk to her when they got home—when things were less tense.

But her appetite was pretty well gone, so she got up and followed the other two out. She didn't go to Alice’s car, though; she kept going to hers, little used as it was. She probably needed to pack, too, and get dressed and all that. They’d be home in just a few hours.

It was funny; barely an hour ago, she’d been scared about that, and now, all she wanted was her mom.

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

Killian always hated this part of the games. Not like he really enjoyed any of it, but escorting the bodies of two children to their waiting parents was a burden he loathed carrying.

Ariel knew to avoid him while they were traveling home; that was the only time he really let the emotional toll of the games envelop him. It typically involved him spending some quality alone time with however much of Olympus’s good rum his sticky fingers had nabbed. As a consequence, he usually didn’t remember much of the trip.

He knew they were close to home when the trees flying by his window began to thin and he saw the reflective glimmer of the ocean on the horizon. (Also, he’d finished the last of the rum.) There was still a boozy fog clouding his perception, but the disastrous state of his sleeping car told him that he’d been exceptionally violent toward the sheets and furniture this year.

Which was to be expected, honestly. Other than his own games, and maybe Liam’s, he’d never been put through the wringer as roughly. He prayed to whoever was listening that the games would never be so terrible again. Maybe he could persuade Nemo to come out of retirement for next year so he could stay home; Gold might not like that, but fuck him.

Gods, even just the thought of the man sent a shiver down Killian’s spine that had nothing to do with the epic hangover he was nursing. When Archie mentioned that Belle had been in the company of the president, it immediately drew his memories back to Milah. She was never far from his thoughts during the games, but the thought of Gold’s attention being directed at another beautiful, unsuspecting young woman—and how it might end for the lass—brought back anger he hadn’t felt in some time. It was a blessing Emma was there and knew to remove him from the situation.

Finally being able to release all the fear he’d felt for Alice was equally cathartic. And not just during the games: from every reaping prior, from Olympus finding out about her parentage, and all the normal parents’ fears—though some remained, obviously. Watching and helping her navigate the next step of their insane lives was going to be interesting.

And then there was Emma. His fingers drifted to his lips; he was fairly certain he could still feel them tingling from her kiss, even days later. (It might have been the rum, but he liked to imagine otherwise.) It had completely taken him by surprise, yet somehow also hadn’t—like it had been the release they both needed after the days of tension. In his stupor, his mind had taken it even farther—envisioning scenes of passion between them that made his heart (and other parts) stutter. He knew it was all sorts of impolite and improper, but knowing she wasn't actually in love with Graham seemed to give his dreams free rein.

There was definitely something there between them. He couldn’t quite place what, but she stirred something in him that hadn’t reacted in a long time. He wouldn’t dare say his heart—not romantically, at least; as far as he was concerned, that part still belonged to Milah.

But maybe, just maybe, Emma was the one who would finally help him move on from her memory. And that terrified him just as much as losing Milah all over again.

The train slowed down, and he forced himself to pull it together. Making sure he was properly dressed and looking not-too-disheveled, he gathered his things and found Ariel in the windowed caboose.

“Feel better?” she asked, with a look on her face somewhere between concern and amusement.

“Aye, I might make it another year.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” She was definitely trying to get at something. Why was there a sparkle in her eye?

“I doubt there’s much to talk about, love. You likely heard the worst of it.” He had a tendency to do a lot of shouting in the condition he’d been in.

“Yeah, you could say that,” she said with a knowing smirk. “Don’t worry; I won’t tell Emma.”

Bloody hell.

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

The sun was at its peak, but it struggled to break through the thick canopy of trees. Emma inhaled the strong pine scent; it brought her some temporary relief as she descended the steps from the train platform.

Home. She was home.

“Mom!” Henry’s voice called out to her, and she quickly scanned the small crowd gathered at the station until she found her son’s dark-haired head bobbing towards her. She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face as she dropped her bags and scooped him into a tight hug.

“I missed you,” he said into her shoulder.

“I missed you, too, kid.” She could have stood in her son’s embrace for hours had Graham’s voice not broken through just then.

“What, I’m invisible?” he joked. Henry let go of Emma and raced toward Graham.

“I missed you, too, Dad.” Graham responded with a warm smile and a strong hug.

Emma wished the moment wouldn’t end, but she became intensely aware of eyes on her. She hesitantly looked up, and met the gaze of Marco, August’s father; Tamara’s family wasn’t far behind him. This was the part she was dreading.

It didn’t help that she’d just had her own reunion with her son right in front of them; how cruel. She nudged Graham with her elbow and said, “Henry, can you go wait with your grandparents? Your dad and I have something to take care of before we go home.” Her son ran off to her parents, who were waiting in the street.

Graham wordlessly grabbed her hand and squeezed; she didn’t have to look at him to know he wasn’t excited about this part, either, but they owed it to the families.

Marco, painfully, thanked them for doing all they could; he was sincere, but it was hard for Emma to hear that; she’d already spent half the trip home wondering what she could have done better. Not that anyone really stood a chance against the Sherwood girls, but she was her own harshest critic.

Tamara’s family was thankfully a bit more reserved. Knowing they were angry about it was probably better, since Emma was. She didn't want forgiveness; she wanted to do better. (Though, in reality, she wanted to never have to do this again.)

At least they were there, though. Every time she was here after the games, she flashed back to when Neal—well, his body—came home, and she was the only one to claim it.

Dark Knights were in charge of unloading the caskets, and Emma couldn't stick around for that; that was too much. So she and Graham excused themselves to where her parents were waiting.

“You did great,” her mom said as she hugged her. It didn't make Emma feel any better, but she supposed her mom knew better than anyone how she felt right now.

“And there's always next year,” her dad added, pulling her into his arms and cradling her head like he always had. It didn't matter if she was a full-grown adult with blood on her hands; that always made her feel better.

With the hellos done, they started the short walk back to Victor’s Village and their side-by-side houses. Just as Emma expected, her mom asked for a full run-down of everything that happened; they may be happily retired, but Snow would never be fully able to pull herself out of the gossip of the games.

“And the new victors! What are they like?”

“They're sweet,” Graham said; Emma had to hold back a scoff that anyone who won the games could be called that, but it did seem to be the case for Alice.

“Oh, good; they seemed to be. Eloise's daughter seems so different from her—which is probably a good thing. God, I just can't believe they weren't going to let them both win; that was heartbreaking.”

A very belated realization hit Emma: that must have been what Eloise and Jefferson were planning that night in the Game Center, when she and Killian brought the burn medicine. How was she just now seeing that?

(Probably because Killian was clouding her memory. For reasons. Fairly obvious ones.)

“Oh, and Killian! What was it like working with him?” God, her mom’s timing couldn't be more annoyingly perfect, could it?

“It was great,” Graham answered, looking at her with a sly grin. “He knows what he’s doing, and actually, he and Emma worked great together.”

She promptly elbowed Graham in the side. She’d told him about the kiss—she had to—and he was way too encouraging about the whole thing.

“Oh really? That’s so wonderful; those relationships are so great to have.” Her mom then rambled on about the people she would ally with over the years, but Emma’s mind stopped paying attention at the word ‘relationship’. Even if it was being used platonically, something in her read more into that.

Regardless of Graham’s reaction, what she’d told Killian was true: it had to be a one-time thing. Even if she’d see him again in a year at the next games. And the ones after that, and so on until she retired. But that wasn’t sustainable—a once-a-year fling? No. There were probably people who did that, but Emma couldn’t. Her heart wasn’t that flexible.

Unbidden, her mind imagined what it could be like, though: sneaking away for quick encounters, the feeling of that taunting chest hair against her skin...no. It wasn’t gonna happen. But, goddammit, why did he have to have a sweet side? Why did he have to understand her so well?

“Mom, you alright?” Henry asked; she jolted at his voice, and then realized they were home.

“Yeah, kid; just thinking about stuff.”

“I get it,” he said, in a tone that was far more mature than any 11-year-old had a right to be speaking in. “You had a long couple weeks.”

“Yeah, that's one way to put it,” she agreed. “But I'm glad to be home.”

“I'm glad, too,” he said, with a grin that looked more and more like his father’s every day.

She shook her head, either to shake away the ghosts of the past or the ones that had been following her since the train pulled out of Olympus.

The only person she needed was Henry.

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

Twelve years ago

Neal Cassidy was handsome, charming, sweet—everything a 16-year-old girl would fall for. And Emma had fallen—hard. He was her first kiss, her first love, and he was even polite to her parents, who had initially been a bit wary of the boy who had a reputation as something of a delinquent.

(But, honestly, that was another part of his charm; Emma had been forced to be the image of grace and class ever since she was born. With Neal, she found a bit of freedom from that imposed burden.)

They were already sweethearts when her name was pulled at 16. He left her with a deep kiss that was part of her motivation to keep going in the Games (that and, you know, not wanting to die). And the first thing she did when she arrived home after winning—at least, in private—was return that kiss with all the passion of someone who had been on death’s doorstep but survived.

For the next year, they were hardly out of each other’s company, save for her victory tour. The night before the next reaping—before she was expected back in Olympus—she gave herself to him, with no regrets.

“I just want to make sure you won’t forget me over the next few weeks,” she’d told him, winking.

“As if I could I ever,” he assured her.

But then his name was chosen the next day. And now it was her turn to give him a passionate kiss goodbye. (And again on the train...and in Olympus...and right before he left for the games.)

As his mentors, her parents did all they could to keep him alive. They were hoping for a repeat of their own story: both victors, able to go home and have a happily ever after. Emma desperately wanted to help, but there was nothing she could do but watch.

And there was nothing anyone could do when the knife held by the Oz tribute found Neal’s back, again and again. Emma had watched helplessly from the Tribute Castle as the love of her life was murdered.

She barely remembered what happened after that; it was a good thing she had been trained to put on an act for the cameras since before she could talk. Pomem was a blur outside the train window, realms flashing by as she recounted their last shared moments. And she cried—she cried a lot. Somehow, her parents kept her from dehydrating, but knowing that his lifeless body lay just a few cars away...well, that just got her going again.

When they got home, she retreated to the woods, where they’d spent so many days running, exploring, kissing—all that fun stuff. The one perk of being a victor was that she didn’t really have any other responsibilities, so as long as she came home before dark, people let her be.

At least, until she started to get sick.

And when she realized that certain monthly things hadn’t happened in a while.

The doctor confirmed her fears: she was pregnant. With Neal’s child. (And then spent the rest of the day sobbing into her mother’s shoulder.)

To save face, they said Graham was the father; it gave Olympus another one of the sappy love stories they ate up. But behind closed doors, he promised her he’d be there to help her every step of the way.

“You don’t have to do that,” she told him. “Think of what you’re giving up.” He’d never be able to be seen so much as giving a friend a kiss on the cheek; actual romance was off the table. (As for Emma...well, she was pretty sure her shot at that died a bloody death in Neverland.)

He looked away, eyes cast down. “Please don’t take this the wrong way,” he started, “but after seeing what you’ve gone through, and so many others...I don’t think my heart is able to withstand that.”

She didn’t tell him that the only reason she was even still standing was because of the concrete wall that surrounded her broken heart, holding it together.

But he was amazing; he was already one of her best friends, and he ended up being the best partner—and best father—she could have had at her side. He abided all her weird pregnancy cravings, accompanied her to all her physician appointments, even withstood her crazy mood swings.

Mood swings that were often accompanied by sparks of electricity coming out from her hands, surges of power that blew out the light bulbs in their home, and her inadvertent burning of any book she tried to read.

What a way to discover she had magic, huh? It turned out being taught to be calm and collected her whole life had kept it from manifesting while she was in Neverland; but apparently it couldn’t withstand pregnancy hormones.

It took everything in her to keep that under wraps, too—placing it somewhere under that wall around her heart. Which mostly worked. (Not like she had an option; thankfully, knowing she was doing it to keep her child safe was pretty good motivation.)

When she finally went into labor, she had Graham on one side and her mother on the other. Somehow, the pain of birth still didn’t match the hurt of losing Neal, but it came damn close.

The lights overhead flickered on that last push (there was no holding it back), and then—then he was there: Henry. A squirming, screaming, pink thing, but when they put him in her arms, she wasn’t sure she’d seen anything more beautiful. God, she wished Neal could have been there to see him.

But she looked to one side and saw her parents (her dad having snuck in), and to the other and saw Graham. Even if Neal was missing, Henry was still surrounded by love—by people who were always going to look out for and protect him.

“I promise you, Henry,” she whispered a while later, when it was just the two of them. “I will do everything I can to give you your best chance in this crazy world.”

And that included anything in her power to keep him away from the Games.

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

Present day—Olympus

Jefferson was getting too old for this—and he wasn’t even that old. But these things had a way of weighing on a soul that not even the view from the window of his more-than-comfortable home could lift. (Neither could the glass of whiskey-laced tea he was nursing; at least the bottle was nearby.) His view of the border between Neverland and Olympus was soothing, with its varying types of trees serenely blending together, but also a constant reminder of what he did.

Another year passed, another games down. 18 more deaths on his hands. 18 more mothers having to bury their babies.

At least it’s not 19, a foreign positive voice somewhere deep inside told him as he took another sip of his drink, but that was hardly something to celebrate. It was only by the good graces of the President that both kids were able to win; part of him was worried about any repercussions, but the other part didn’t give a damn.

He was too good at his job. He was untouchable. And it drove him mad. (Which was probably why he was drinking alone and had a syringe of zolocybin at the ready; he knew better than to mix drugs and alcohol but again: he didn’t care.)

The next one is the last one, he reminded himself. It had almost become a mantra, having repeated it to himself countless times over the past few days since the end of the games. He thought of all the letters hidden here in his room, all the plans discussed, all the names on lists; as if on cue, his off-the-grid mobile phone rang, with the name Cora flashing on the screen. Their scheme would finally be put into motion over the next year. They finally had what they needed.

A symbol, something the people could rally behind: hope. Victory after impossible odds.

True love.

When Eloise came to him with her proposition to get both of her tributes out alive, he knew they finally had the last piece of the puzzle, the key to undoing everything.

His associates knew it, too, and the gears that had been slowly turning for years now kicked into high gear. The games may be over, but his job was just picking up.

There was still a long road ahead of them, though, and he needed to decompress. He tossed back the rest of his drink, put his phone on silent, and drew the blinds to his bedroom. Then he practically threw himself on his plush bed and grabbed the syringe; technically, zolocybin was a controlled substance, only to be used by medical professionals—but that didn’t mean it didn’t abound on the recreational drug market.

He popped the cap on it and methodically went over the process of injecting it into his arm, then settled back and waited for the effects to wash over him: first, sleep, then the kind of wild dreams that could only come from psychedelic hallucinogens. He could see why it was addictive, so he only allowed himself this one trip per year, to help him unwind.

Unconsciousness crept up in him quickly and he welcomed it. But even as he drifted off, one thing repeated in his mind:

The next one is the last one.

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

thanks so much!! tagging some: @kat2609 @thesschesthair @xpumpkindumplingx @shipsxahoy @amortentia-on-the-rocks @mryddinwilt @cocohook38 @annytecture @wingedlioness @word-bug @distant-rose @let-it-raines @pirateherokillian @its-imperator-furiosa @laschatzi @stubblesandwich @phiralovesloki @athenascarlet @snowbellewells @idristardis @scientificapricot @searchingwardrobes @donteattheappleshook @ohmightydevviepuu

#cs ff #curious archer ff #captain swan rewrite a thon #csrt 2020 #the magic games #(love will see us through these) dark days #my ff

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yyxgin · 3 years ago

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my mum always calls them my ‘korean cartoons’ but it’s understandable bc she’s usually wiped out by the afternoon (she’s up v early AM to go to work so by PM she just wants to sleep) and i mean i watch kdramas so at least she’s got one thing right. better than chinese tv (which is what my dad used to call it before he learned his friends daughter also watches kdrama and anime 🥰 WIN for me tbh 😋

i forgot to watch the movies 😅 but i’m not at work tomorrow so i’ll definitely watch them tonight 🙂 at least one. bro,, today, my goodness lemme,, oh my god. they insist on feeding me before i leave (i am NOT complaining) and today my manager ordered prezzo for herself (italian cuisine) and she was begging me to take some of her pizza home w me even though she’d literally just watched me eat the thai food and one of the chefs brought krispy kreme w her after getting some food supplies and she told me to take one i get fed SO good i’m gonna die if i don’t work there for the rest of my life honestly!! and the food runner made thai tea from scratch (which i’ve only ever had instant bc i thought it would be nice one time and now i live off it) i’m gonna combust i’m living my dream life fr 😫🙏🙏

i can not see myself working anywhere else at this point,, although i’m sad that some of the staff are going to uni in october since i would’ve spent the a few months forming relationships w them by that point 😭 but it’s gucci im gonna love it honestly.

my manager told me why she hired me and i just... yeah she made me sound so good. i’m pleased. wow i love it. i’m rambling now... do you have any pets? or are you allergic? i feel like i haven’t come across someone who’s allergic and will soon. maybe that’s just me being weird 😳

oh wait i forgot!! i love that jaehyun is such an anti-y/n. nctzens are wild to me and honestly i feel like it sucks sometimes bc it just depends really on their mood. like for mark he’s worn out anyway (pro debuter ™️) and it sucks i suppose. i reckon if the audience was younger they wouldn’t be so worn out or looking like they didn’t wanna be there. personally i always act more enthusiastic for younger kids but they’re idols and they’re probably just thinking ‘we’re people just like you’ god idk what i’m saying anymore i hope that made sense! my brain is rotting on the bus ride home.

i hope you had a good day today 🥺 ~ 🌻

my parents are kind of xenophobic tbh but i'm tired of arguing with them,,but nowadays they just call them "my korean boys" which doesn't sound as bad compared to what they used to call them before <3

ooh i hope you had a relaxing day 😎 you deserve it after working so hard !! YOUR COWORKERS SOUND LIKE ANGELS ON EARTH OMG THEY FEED YOU ??? FOR FREE ??? i want coworkers like that. dude i really hope my coworkers will be nice and that i'll get on with them bc if not i will cry😔 YOUR WORKS SOUNDS LIKE A DREAM PLS NEVER QUIT IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. what did your boss tell you ?? why did she hire you?

i do not have any pets😔 but like,,i dont mind. i'm that kind of person that gets bored of things really easily and i wouldnt want to do that to an animal?? like thats fucked up. i wanted a fish because they're fairly easy to take care of but i figured that i'd probably be a bad fish mum so i just yk,,,didnt get it (also my mum said no). my grandma has a dog that i call my own tho bc i brought it to her house and fed it and was the one who let him shit on their property for the first time so its pretty much mine <3 i also have a feeling that i'm his favorite one so🥰🥰 he is tiny and angy and lowkey kind of a not so good boy but thats okay we love him nonetheless. he is sick tho so im worried abt him😔 what about you ?? do you have any pets ?? (also your intuition was bad i am not allergic djsnsm)

yeaah i get what you're saying with the nct fan situation,,but at the same time i actually think they dont mind as much ?? like mark (he is so tired i bet) literally talks like he's besties w the international fans on fancalls sometimes (when he gets the normal fans) and yangyang called us his besties 😭✋ its that sometimes it can get too much.

i had a good day today !! i hope you had one as well🥺

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

#lovely anon #<3

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jac & Amelia

Jac: [So the vibe is evidently just showing up at the pre-drinks at this gfs house, we'll have to be some level of wasted to have the nerve so from the off it's a mood lol] Amelia: [a select gathering of the gays that you weren't invited too, but it's okay because Amelia can't throw you out when everyone else is like yeah come through] Jac: [literally you'd have to make such a drama and that's not you and also no one knows why you stopped being besties so it clearly appears chill from the outside, I vote the club should be a gay one so you have to commit to that hen] Amelia: [agreed because clearly her gf has planned this because Amelia's plan was to go and get that haircut and outfit with her mum so] Jac: [too pure for this bitch, we all know this is just an excuse for her to party like any other night really, which is rude, do something special but no, at least you're simply that hoe so it's not like we even have to work hard here, the flirting is blatant] Amelia: [it hurts my heart because you know Jamelia would have gone IN for each other's birthdays] Jac: [and her last one was start of transition year so they would've still been friends, AND it was her 16th so it would've been really poppin'] Amelia: [brb sobbing] Jac: [thank god jac is also miserable and only pretending to be living her best life or this would be even ruder] Amelia: [and thank god Amelia isn't in love with this gal] Jac: [and that lmao] Jac: [to me it should be like they just straight up make out on the dance floor 'cos her girlfriend is the 'its not a big deal omg!' type but even if it weren't, it is because it's Jac] Amelia: [hence when Amelia loses it it's Jac she's shouting at and being like how could you do this to me etc not her gf] Jac: [mhmm mHM we all know she's barely speaking at this point so she's not gonna say anything and your gf will be going off 'cos she looks the gobby type so you can slap her if you need babe lol] Amelia: [she so is the gobby type, Amelia just straight up dismissing her because this isn't about you babe I gotta scream at Jac rn thank you] Jac: [meanwhile we're just trying to walk away like the audacity] Amelia: [literally like SAY SOMETHING! because is there anything more frustrating than when someone won't react and you're literally 💔] Jac: [there is not, just shouting 'I'M SORRY' ala Tracy because we do not sound sorry at all but she is never a loud person so everyone else is gonna be shook like damn] Amelia: [your aunt Cass would be proud of that, but Amelia just gonna walk away] Jac: [good lord go home gal, or at least a different club lol, also like to point out she has a September birthday so also would've been after Savannah left so that would've been cheery lol] Amelia: [nice parallel because we know Amelia's walking home but fuck knows how far it would be, we're not at Erin's house now hens] Jac: [I'm sure you don't live right in town, your fam seems a suburb type so that'll be a nice trek, you poor bitch] Amelia: [just sobbing the whole time probably, even though she's not a crier like Savannah is] Jac: [you'd have to have a cry, if Jac hadn't gone catatonic as a defence mechanism, she would be too] Amelia: [which is why we're not getting our parents to pick us up because don't wanna be sobbing to this degree in front of them and her mum already hates the gf so we don't want the I told you so either] Amelia: [plus her mum probably thinks she's over Jac by now because we downplaying things forever] Jac: [parents can only be so much of a MVP at this age] Amelia: [I think when they see each other again it should be another argument that turns into Amelia kissing her because that's a trope for a reason] Jac: [yes, you are both owed it without the audience tbh] Amelia: [like I have no idea where they are when that happens, are you gonna show up on her doorstep to have another argument or what gal lol] Jac: [maybe you had somewhere you went together, idk where or what vibe, so you know she's gonna be there, even if it's just a different club and you're outside angsting] Amelia: [ooh excellent, yeah there's any number of places that could be 'theirs' you've known each other long enough] Jac: [precisely, it can be as everyday and unspecial or the opposite as we'd like, Dublin centre is not that big it's not insane to suggest] Amelia: [when do you think that is, clearly pretty soon after because the emotions have gotta be high] Jac: [yeah, sooner rather than later, like we did this for a reason and like you said, it's too frustrating when someone won't react to you] Amelia: [literally could be the next day/night I'd believe it] Jac: [i literally thought you meant the same night so yes i agree lol] Amelia: [omg that's even better tbh] Jac: like you turn round like AND ANOTHER THING, tensions are beyond that high] Amelia: [exactly] Jac: [at least Amelia is angry enough to break it off 'cos the levels of fucks you don't give rn about anything] Amelia: [yeah she's angry and sad enough to be like ffs what am I doing and actually go home] Jac: [thanks babe, we all know it happens but don't need it to literally look like 2nd choice to your hoe gf 'cos it ain't that] Amelia: [how am I gonna start a convo from here because I clearly am lol] Jac: [thank god you both drunk, I can do it if you want] Amelia: [go ahead if you think you can boo] Jac: you home safe Amelia: no, I'm dead in a ditch Jac: great Amelia: it'll make life easier for you, yeah Jac: my life couldn't be any rosier Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: glad to see your flare for the dramatic ain't died in that ditch with you Jac: flair, which one Jac: idk Amelia: you took that over from me, remember Amelia: you really fucking did Jac: aren't you impressed Amelia: if you'd got there earlier you could've pushed me out of the way to blow the candles out on the cake my mum bought too Jac: you don't wanna be kids no more? Jac: could've said sooner Amelia: she's not a doll, she just wants to look like one Jac: who? Amelia: the girlfriend you wanted to share so badly Jac: oh her Jac: bride of chucky maybe Amelia: you did scare everyone with your apology Amelia: very exorcist-ish Jac: I was going for Carrie Jac: oh well Jac: still a better match than you two ain't it Amelia: oh you were trying to win a prom queen sash with acts of charity Amelia: I get it Jac: shouldn't you be throwing all this shade at her Amelia: wait, I'll add her in Jac: ha Jac: go ahead Amelia: she won't accept, sorry Amelia: I did try Jac: devastating Amelia: are you home safe? Jac: yeah Amelia: you do have the 👿👹👺👻 inside protecting you, I guess Jac: its always got a home inside me Amelia: well yeah, you don't ever kiss anyone long enough for it to transfer hosts Jac: you'll wanna get rid of the girlfriend then Jac: before you get infected Amelia: you already did that for me, such a good 🥳🎂🎁 Jac: couldn't think what else to get ya Amelia: 💐? Amelia: no? Jac: thought she might have beat me to it Jac: made a bit of an effort Amelia: she wanted me, that's all I needed Jac: past tense Jac: and that's definitely not the first time she's done that Amelia: what do you care? Jac: you think this is how i'd show it if I did Amelia: I try not to think about you anymore Jac: there's no need to make yourself sound stupid in the process Amelia: not when you're there to make me look it Jac: you'll get another girlfriend Amelia: because that's what is ripping my heart out about this Jac: that's your problem Amelia: stay the fuck away from me Amelia: if you'd done that I wouldn't have a problem Jac: I plan on it Jac: done what I needed to do Amelia: great Jac: enjoy what's left of your big day then Jac: have some 🎂 Amelia: you've made sure I can't Amelia: where's Savannah Moore with a 👏 emoji when you need her? Jac: Sligo Jac: last I heard Amelia: those poor country lads Jac: you've never cared about any lad a day in your life Jac: you can just admit you miss her Amelia: 😂 Jac: hilarious Amelia: not really Amelia: but I physically can't cry any more, I must be dehydrated Jac: unsurprising Jac: me either Amelia: 🍾🥂 Amelia: have a nice life then Amelia: probably leave tonight out of your achievements during the uni interviews Jac: nah Jac: diversity and adversity is all the rage Amelia: that's why I'll be mentioning it Jac: you're welcome x2 Amelia: 🙌 Jac: you sure she don't wanna join Jac: 'cos she's annoying me Amelia: I don't care what she wants or feel sorry for you Jac: yeah Jac: then tell her that Jac: not relaying your message Amelia: I have Jac: she's a liar too, makes sense Amelia: you're well suited Jac: besides the obvious Amelia: that you've done what you needed to do, yeah Amelia: tell her that Jac: I have Jac: not my fault she's so thick she only understands actions Amelia: if she's been messaging you since the 💋 you'll have had time to tell her everything I didn't Amelia: even if it has to be via charades Jac: the fact I didn't fuck her is all the information she's getting from me Amelia: the dancefloor's a bit public even for her Amelia: but maybe she'll be willing to break the rules for you, that's what people do Jac: let's not pretend it was about her Jac: only room for one delusional person in a relationship, don't you know? Amelia: you're ready for that, are you? Amelia: I don't know anything about relationships as it turns out Jac: first cut is the deepest Amelia: if you're going to sing, it's meant to be Happy Birthday Jac: yeah, you wish Amelia: I only got the one and I've already used it Jac: don't tell or it won't come true Amelia: I don't remember it now anyway Jac: bullshit Amelia: if it was 💇🏻 related it definitely didn't come true Jac: you didn't get a fringe Amelia: I still hate it Jac: it's not why you got cheated on Amelia: thanks, that makes me feel loads better about 👧🏻 Amelia: can you just take the posts down please Jac: I dunno Amelia: Jac Jac: fuck sake Jac: one thing Amelia: just do it Jac: then that's it Jac: there's your present, I don't owe you nothing Amelia: no, then that's it because I don't want anything to do with you Amelia: it doesn't make us even Jac: I don't give a shit about being even with you Jac: I win Jac: end of Amelia: it's not a fucking game Jac: you're the only one not playing Amelia: so leave me out of it Jac: that's another favour Jac: pick one Amelia: fuck you Jac: i'm keeping the pictures up then Amelia: enjoy your win Jac: naturally Amelia: 👏👏👏 Jac: you aren't her Amelia: you aren't you Amelia: it still doesn't make us even Jac: maybe you never knew me Jac: we weren't friends, after-all Amelia: there's no maybe about it, if we were ever friends you wouldn't treat me like this Jac: nothing is as simple as you'd like it to be Jac: but sure Amelia: you really hurt me again, it's that simple Amelia: and this time it was deliberate Jac: and you don't hurt the people you love Jac: grow up, Amelia Amelia: not like that Jac: that's easier for you Amelia: what about ANY of this is easy for me? Amelia: you told me to try, I did Amelia: now what? Jac: it isn't my responsibility to worry about that Jac: you figure it out Amelia: I had it figured out and you tore it down Amelia: take some fucking responsibility for that Jac: what, with your shit girlfriend who doesn't give a fuck about you Jac: that was wrecked before I got there Jac: deal with that Amelia: you wrecked me before she got there Amelia: I still think about you all the time, miss you all the time Amelia: and I do have to deal with that, all the time Jac: and I've got nothing to deal with Amelia: of course you do Amelia: happy people don't gatecrash and ruin other people's birthdays Jac: then you'll forgive me for not feeling sorry for you Amelia: I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to be sorry for what you just did Jac: you want a lot Amelia: not this time Amelia: it's bare minimum Jac: I'm happy to disappoint and leave you wanting Amelia: then you win again Amelia: congratulations Jac: yipee Amelia: Don't contact me again unless you're got something to say that means something Jac: fine Amelia: you sound faker than Savannah could ever Amelia: it'd be impressive if it worked Jac: have I contacted you before now? Amelia: that doesn't matter because today you did Jac: today I ruined your relationship and birthday Jac: then I asked if you got home Amelia: yeah, and that all means something Jac: it means I wanted to fuck up your life Amelia: at least that wish came true Jac: there's always shooting stars and eyelashes when there isn't candles Amelia: there isn't a quick fix for this Jac: there's no fix Jac: there's only out and it's still 2 fucking years away Amelia: you were supposed to give me time, that's supposed to be one Jac: well I didn't feel like it today Amelia: clearly Jac: get over it Amelia: I'm not even through it, it literally just happened Jac: I'm not apologising, I can't be any clearer Amelia: then don't Amelia: I didn't know how to beg you when we were friends, I can't do it with this version of you Jac: Done? Amelia: I was done before I actually got home Jac: Well I've not gone home Jac: so we both lied there then Amelia: Where have you gone? Jac: what's it to you? Amelia: I don't want what happened to Is to happen to you, or worse Amelia: I care about you Jac: it won't Amelia: I'm calling your parents Jac: maybe I've told them you're obsessed with me already Amelia: maybe but it's still ringing Amelia: they can decide what they want to do Jac: you're such a snitch Amelia: because I really care what you think of me right now Jac: nah, just hope it makes you feel good about yourself worrying my parents for nothing Amelia: I don't feel good about myself because of you Amelia: your parents are irrelevant to me Jac: we've got that in common then Amelia: they're probably going to want to talk to you and I don't so goodnight Jac: Bold of you to think I'd answer Jac: but it is a reason to turn my phone off so yeah Jac: later Amelia: you're really 😎 we get it Jac: that's what I'm doing Jac: you're so smart Amelia: it's why you want to keep the pics up Amelia: like a 🏆 Jac: i wanna keep em up so you have to see them Amelia: I don't have to see them, I've already blocked you both Jac: 😂 Amelia: What's funny? Jac: 🤡😥 would've been more applicable, perhaps Amelia: probably Jac: you can pal up with Is again, she's up for it Amelia: yeah because I really want to drag her into whatever 🎪 you've started up between us Jac: you're so considerate Amelia: something really fucked up happened to her, you were there, don't act like you don't remember Jac: and you weren't there Amelia: I know that Jac: then you don't get to say shit to me about it Amelia: I'm not, I'm saying this isn't about Is Jac: when is it ever Jac: poor girl Amelia: stop it Jac: you walked out on her Jac: she didn't have enough daddy issues? Amelia: I walked out on you Jac: same difference Amelia: you said you'd let me Jac: and I did Amelia: until now Jac: you're only 17 once Jac: it's not going to happen again Amelia: it shouldn't have happened at all Jac: should woulda coulda Amelia: promise me that this is it Jac: I don't fancy your girlfriend Jac: kissing her was bad enough Amelia: I mean, promise me that I don't have to look over my shoulder for the next 2 years in case you decide that you want to ruin my life again Amelia: because I can't Jac: Amelia Amelia: I'm serious, I'll leave school before I let you do this to me for a third time Jac: I'm not in a position to be making promises about anything, to anyone Jac: I'll try Amelia: okay Jac: just Jac: I don't know Jac: never mind Amelia: you're scaring me, you know Amelia: I should've made you promise not to do any reckless shit back then instead of the other way round Jac: everyone's scared Jac: they say it like I can change it Amelia: I thought I was doing the right thing but everything just keeps getting worse Amelia: for me, you and Is Amelia: even for Savannah, Sligo for fuck's sake Jac: even if you'd done it different Jac: I'd still have done the same Jac: it still would've all happened Amelia: what are you going to do now? Jac: nothing matters now Amelia: you matter Amelia: to me Amelia: come to my 🏠 I'll call your parents back Jac: we're not doing this again Jac: no Jac: it's bad enough i have people in my life i can't get rid of Amelia: we're not doing anything Jac: stop caring about me Amelia: I can't Jac: how much more do I have to ruin your life Amelia: you have ruined it, that doesn't mean I want you to be dead in a ditch Jac: all I'm going to do is break your heart over and over and then I'm going to leave forever Amelia: tonight it's already broken and that's all I'm talking about Amelia: take the guest bedroom Jac: no Jac: because then my family will just think we're friends again and that I'm fine Jac: I'll go home, okay, just stop Amelia: if you stop lying, I'll stop this Jac: I'll send you proof, for fuck's sake Amelia: okay Jac: fine Amelia: [we're just waiting for that pic like] Jac: [however long this is gonna take, at least you're probably a bit more central, the most begrudging pic of the front door lmao] Amelia: no, put your outfit in it so I know it wasn't stored on your phone Jac: 'cos I just have pictures of my door Jac: [but does, some weird angle to not get your face in] Jac: haven't got a newspaper, so sorry Amelia: if you hadn't stopped the party early, they might have been delivered Jac: it was a crap party anyway Jac: she hadn't even booked a table Amelia: Yeah Jac: at least you can have a better girlfriend for your 18th Amelia: can I? Are you going to let me Jac: probably not Jac: but if she's less easy to ruin then there's nothing I can do about that Amelia: you'd have to try something else, that's all Jac: obviously Jac: I'm still smart Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment Jac: I'm not saying I'm not going to ruin your chances at happiness Amelia: it's not like I need you to Amelia: SO capable on my own Jac: it's not taking credit if you're making excuses for me Jac: but alright Amelia: I'm talking about the 💇🏻 which you can't take credit for Jac: it suits you Amelia: that is the most hurtful thing you've ever said Amelia: take it back Jac: it's also true Jac: and you wanted me to stop lying Amelia: 😒 Jac: at least you don't look like every other girl now Amelia: you think I did before? Amelia: also that's because no other girl wants to look like 👧🏻 Jac: I mean everyone has the same hair Jac: you stand out more Amelia: you don't Jac: well I'm special, obviously Amelia: I know Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😉 Jac: you're an idiot Jac: Jude better be at a sleepover Amelia: her hair stands out Jac: you should tell her that Jac: she'll be so glad her attention-seeking doesn't go unnoticed Amelia: she think I'm flirting with her so no Jac: oh yeah Jac: you're a predatory lesbian now Amelia: I kissed you Jac: after I kissed your girlfriend Amelia: you don't fancy her Amelia: that wasn't why you did it Jac: she fancies herself enough Amelia: So does Savannah, that wasn't a problem for you Jac: don't talk about her Amelia: sure, I wouldn't want to upset you Amelia: what's the point being 💔 if you're not the saddest Jac: she's gone, there's no point talking about her Amelia: my parents know hers, she's not gone from dinner table conversation at my 🏠 Jac: sucks for you then Amelia: sucks more for her that she's been sent to catholic school Jac: Catholic school? Amelia: yeah, her dad had that brainwave Jac: that is unfortunate Jac: probably a better school than ours though, so she'll be thrilled Amelia: it's my dad's favourite joke threat now Jac: at least you could avoid me Amelia: true, I should call his bluff and take him up on it next time Jac: go for it Jac: it's only me that has to write off this shit school on her uni app Amelia: the rest of your app will more than make up for it Jac: that's the plan Amelia: exactly, so it's not technically a compliment Jac: you're shit at this Amelia: thanks Jac: no, that really wasn't a compliment Jac: not one of your not technicallys Amelia: 😏 Jac: did you get a car Jac: I bet you got a car Amelia: [a picture of it because why not say she did] Jac: just got to pass now Jac: then you can go where you like Amelia: then I can runaway Jac: nah Jac: they'd take you off their insurance and you'd be fucked Amelia: because I'd never drive without insurance Jac: the police would be frantically looking for you as is Jac: that's always how murderers get caught out Amelia: 🤫 you're ruining this too Jac: you fantasize on your own time Amelia: this is my own time, you're home safe Amelia: I don't owe you my full attention now that your 👅 isn't in my ex girlfriend's mouth Jac: have you kissed anyone else Amelia: no Jac: do you regret it being her Amelia: it wasn't you, that's what I regret Amelia: but it couldn't be so Jac: yeah Jac: at least it was a girl Amelia: I'm not stupid enough to kiss any boys Jac: some just call it heterosexual Amelia: and I'm not so it'd be stupid for me Jac: alright Amelia: but I should probably kiss more girls Jac: why should you Amelia: because she'll think all the wrong things if I don't Jac: true Jac: I thought you didn't care about what people thought though Amelia: I'm going to have to find new friends from somewhere Jac: don't you gays stick together Amelia: she sticks with them and I don't want to see her Jac: you move fast Amelia: I don't really have a choice, do I? Jac: I don't need friends Amelia: handy since you don't have any Jac: that's why I don't Amelia: yeah, because you only care about what you need Jac: duh Amelia: did you ever care about me? Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: did you ever care about me when it wasn't because you needed something? Jac: what kind of question is that Amelia: one I need the answer to Jac: we were friends forever Jac: what did I get from it half the time Jac: no more than you did or didn't Amelia: okay Jac: that was a dick move making me answer that when you already knew Amelia: I didn't know Amelia: whenever I talk to you I end up with more questions than answers Amelia: and end up questioning my sanity Jac: you don't need to Jac: your work here is done Amelia: you can't tell me what to do when you don't even do what you said you were going to Jac: so you're going to continue to make a bad decision, just to be awkward Jac: that's smart Amelia: because you have such good reasons for doing what you did earlier Jac: 'course I do Amelia: go on then Amelia: tell me them Jac: already did Jac: I wanted to fuck it up for you Jac: felt great Amelia: there's smarter ways to feel good, and easier Jac: I've tried those Amelia: oh well I loved being your little experiment, thanks Jac: whatever Jac: it needed to be done Amelia: no it didn't Amelia: you keep saying that Jac: you don't get it Amelia: I don't buy into your fake bullshit, no, and that's all you've given me all night Jac: what's fucking fake about the fact I can't stand to have anyone around me happy? Jac: there's nothing fake about misery being the only thing I can stomach now Amelia: you didn't break up your parents or ruin your brother's music career, you sought me out when I haven't even been around you Amelia: you're full of shit Jac: trust me, I'm doing my best Jac: and you're full of shit if you're now trying to say you don't see me every day Jac: and that it isn't the fucking worst Amelia: I thought it was, until you did this Amelia: now I can say today was the worst Amelia: you're so fucking selfish and cruel Jac: nothing has changed Jac: I sped up your inevitable break-up, that's it Amelia: no, you went out of your way to hurt and humiliate me Amelia: everything has changed Jac: if you say so Jac: it wasn't the first time for me Amelia: who are you? Jac: it doesn't matter Amelia: who the fuck are you? Jac: I don't know, Amelia Jac: alright Amelia: you can't treat people like this Jac: then tell everyone what I did Jac: I don't care Jac: you could've done something about it Amelia: what did you want me to do? Jac: I thought you might put up more of a fight Amelia: for what? Against what? Jac: because I humiliated you Amelia: it wasn't the first time for me either Jac: never like that Amelia: I'm not going to fight you Jac: your loss Amelia: I keep telling you, I care about you, I don't want to hurt you Jac: I wish you'd stop Amelia: I wish I could Jac: yeah Jac: well Amelia: it's my loss, like you said Jac: don't worry, I've got my own Amelia: that makes me feel loads better Jac: it should Amelia: it doesn't Jac: you're infuriating Amelia: says you Amelia: I'm so angry at you Jac: because I wanted you to be Jac: that's the correct response Amelia: no, because I love you too much to hate you Amelia: because it won't go away Amelia: and I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my fucking life no matter what you do Jac: I don't have the answer Jac: If I could make you stop then I would Jac: but I don't know how Amelia: me either Jac: there's nothing I can do if you don't hate me by now Jac: I dropped you for Savannah Jac: I did everything I did tonight Amelia: I was there, I don't need you to recap Jac: I couldn't have made it easier Amelia: there's something wrong with me, there must be Jac: not as bad as me Amelia: my mum said at the time that I fell in love with you years ago and I can't expect to fall out of it in a few weeks or months Jac: logic adds up Amelia: she thinks I'm over it now so clearly not Jac: you probably said you were Jac: or near enough Amelia: the girlfriend thing kind of said it for me Jac: yeah well Jac: I've had loads of boyfriends Amelia: you're not in love with me Jac: I meant it doesn't mean anything, necessarily Amelia: yeah Amelia: my mum is more old fashioned though Amelia: romantic or whatever Jac: more romantic than your girlfriend, yeah Amelia: 🙄 Jac: she wasn't good enough for you anyway Amelia: I'm not good enough for anyone Amelia: I'm literally still in love with someone else who isn't them Jac: it isn't that simple Jac: you can feel things for more than one person Jac: you just, didn't for her and she wasn't worth it Amelia: maybe other people can but I don't Jac: how would you know Jac: it just hasn't happened yet Amelia: I'm too self aware if anything Jac: that's some lesbian nonsense Amelia: I'll put it in my bio then Jac: tinder Amelia: I'm not kissing that many girls, she'll definitely think all the wrong things Jac: be kicking herself, like Jac: or is it only okay when she does it Amelia: probably Jac: just like a lad Amelia: 😣 Jac: awh Amelia: I can't be bothered Jac: with girls? Amelia: I'm not trying anymore, you didn't keep your promises anyway Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: it means I don't care, my life can stay the mess you wanted it to be Jac: alright Jac: not like I can turn around and say 'no don't' now Amelia: and if you turn around you won't see me Jac: what? Amelia: school, I'm not doing it either Jac: shut up Amelia: online maybe so my dad doesn't rage Jac: that's bullshit Amelia: so is this Jac: no, fuck you Amelia: 😂 Jac: so you all get to fucking leave and I'm the one stuck dealing Jac: nah Amelia: I've got nothing to stay for Jac: it's school, no one does Jac: jesus Amelia: you said yourself it sucks having to see me every day Amelia: I'm doing you a favour Jac: you are ridiculous Jac: you think you can just run away like this is some shit indie song Amelia: I've tried the alternative Amelia: it didn't go great Jac: you think Savannah is bad? at least her parents made her go Jac: you're such a spoilt brat Amelia: I don't think about Savannah Jac: you don't think about anything Jac: christ Amelia: your audacity is another level Jac: your stupidity is worse Amelia: yeah, I've proved that loads of times over Jac: fucking hell Jac: your life is so hard, Meelie, yeah Jac: everyone thinks its my fault, what happened to Is Jac: and the more she says otherwise, the more it sounds like it was Amelia: no they don't, I don't Jac: well you love me so you're clearly insane and a bit biased Amelia: even if I hated you I'd still know that you weren't the one who assaulted her Amelia: it's his fault, nobody else's Jac: me and Sav still ran like we had something to hide Jac: that's all anyone cares about, working out what Amelia: you were scared, in shock probably Amelia: you felt like it was your fault Amelia: that doesn't mean it was Jac: all I know is she's fucked off, no one will say anything to Is, so it's all down to me, whatever people wanna say or think about it Jac: so yeah, sorry I think your idea is fucking laughable but been there, done that Jac: didn't solve anything, it only made the rest worse Amelia: I know it's a stupid idea, alright Jac: you can't go, alright, you just can't Amelia: you know I'll fight the whole school before I'd ever fight you Amelia: I'll do it for you too, if that will help Jac: Yeah, I do Jac: nothing will help but Jac: at least you're still here Jac: nothing else is the same Amelia: I'll be in detention every day for the next 2 years if that's what it takes to shut people up Jac: I don't deserve it Jac: or anything but hate from you, and I do fucking know that Amelia: you don't deserve to get the blame for being there and being her friend Amelia: I should've been too Amelia: and after it happened we should've talked Jac: maybe it's just karma Jac: I've never been a good friend to her and by the time it happened Jac: well Jac: I made you leave Amelia: I ruined our friend so I had to leave Amelia: *ship Amelia: that's not your fault either Jac: maybe it is Amelia: it's not Amelia: I shouldn't have told you how I felt Amelia: or been jealous of Savannah Amelia: or made such a big deal about the date you went on Jac: no Jac: I get it Jac: you weren't wrong Amelia: I did the wrong thing by leaving you and Is Jac: I couldn't wish the alternative on you Jac: having to stick around and watch Amelia: I still had to watch Amelia: I couldn't go that far Jac: I know it's my fault because it happened again Amelia: what? Jac: Savannah Jac: I kissed her Amelia: I don't understand Jac: you should have been jealous of her Jac: I mean Jac: you know what I mean Amelia: you mean you felt something for her Jac: I didn't want to feel any of it Jac: but she was straight and you weren't so having her around was meant to be easier Amelia: why didn't you just tell me? Amelia: you lied and lied and made me feel crazy Jac: because I feel crazy Jac: I fucking am Jac: I just Jac: it's not like I left that conversation and told her Jac: I kept on and got with lads and pretended to like it, tried to Amelia: everything you said, everything you did Amelia: oh my god Amelia: I can't Amelia: I can't take this in Jac: like I said, it's fucking karma Jac: I fucked it with you and it happened to me Amelia: I'm supposed to feel what, that she queerbaited you? Happy? validated? Jac: I don't know Jac: probably Amelia: did you know how you felt about her when I told you how I felt? Jac: why? Amelia: because you told me over and over again that you liked boys and you'd change that if you could Jac: yes, and I told her the same thing Jac: and I acted accordingly Amelia: I've spent so long feeling horrible for putting you in that position and none of it was real Jac: it was real Jac: I don't want to be Jac: I want to be straight Amelia: it isn't a choice Amelia: and you can't just twist everything to make it one Jac: acting or not acting on it is Amelia: so why did you choose to act on it by kissing her, if that's what you think? Jac: it was a mistake Jac: when we left Jac: after Is Jac: and it was just us Jac: then it destroyed everything and she's literally run away Amelia: and then you destroyed what was left after she'd gone Jac: yes Amelia: great Jac: I'm aware Amelia: are you? Amelia: for years I thought things were one way only to be told they weren't and now you're telling me an entirely different story again Amelia: 🤯 Jac: because we don't live in the ideal world where I accept myself for liking girls and I choose the right one and we live happily ever after Jac: we live in the world where I kissed Savannah and she looked at me like I was the boy who assaulted Isabelle Jac: and that's how I feel about it, and I would rather pretend to be straight forever, and have no real friends again, than have to do that, and feel that disgust again Amelia: we live in a world that doesn't revolve around Savannah fucking Moore Amelia: because she doesn't accept you, you can't accept yourself? No Jac: it's not her fault Jac: the rules don't make no fucking sense Jac: do you know how often she told me she loved me, how beautiful I was, and smart and perfect and kind, that she wanted me in her life forever? Jac: but that doesn't mean she wants to kiss me Amelia: that's why it literally is her fault Amelia: she flirted with you more than I EVER have, or would dare to openly do because I would get called a predatory lesbian and she gets likes and follows Jac: but she meant it Jac: I know she did Jac: that's just friendship to her Jac: it's too confusing Amelia: you want her to have meant it the same way you did, like I wanted you to with me Jac: but I did Jac: I lied Jac: so I know it doesn't make a difference now Jac: but still, you weren't wrong and I did, I am, whatever Jac: it was shitty to lie, I know, I accept it Jac: but she meant it all but she is straight...how does that work Amelia: I don't know Amelia: straight people are weird Jac: I don't want to find that relatable Jac: I want to be normal Amelia: I'm not abnormal, shut up Jac: fine, straight Jac: I don't want to ever have to think about this ever again Amelia: why do you want it so bad? Jac: so I don't feel like this Jac: the not knowing Jac: how much it hurts Jac: boys are easy, I told you Amelia: because you don't like them Amelia: if you were straight you'd get hurt just the same Amelia: you said it, Valentina's no different than a lad Jac: lads just like me Jac: I've never kissed any lad and had them recoil Amelia: they liked me too, it doesn't mean I had to like them back Jac: I mean it's not the same Jac: if a lad didn't like me, he'd have reasons Amelia: loads of girls like you too, I was friends with them for a bit, I heard all that gossip Amelia: Savannah's reason is that she doesn't like girls, any of them Jac: but she loves me Jac: more than she ever did Ty, I fucking know it Amelia: not like that, like Is loved us Jac: I can't stand it Amelia: I know Jac: you know I am sorry Jac: don't you Amelia: yeah Jac: you just had come so far and had done so much work Jac: it wasn't fair Jac: what I did wasn't, but it wouldn't have been to act on it, when I wanted so badly to be straight, for everything I did tell you to be true Amelia: no, I was in exactly the same place that we left each other in Amelia: you're not the only one who can lie Jac: I'm just so sorry but that's worth fuck all Jac: I hate how stupid all of it seems now Jac: redundant Jac: but that's close to a fair punishment, I suppose Amelia: you've already been punished Amelia: and sorry always means something when it's a real one Jac: I feel Jac: I don't Jac: I'm broken Jac: I don't even want to be a person now Amelia: I don't want to find that relatable Amelia: but it is Jac: fuck's sake Jac: see, why would I choose this? Jac: even if they're weird, this never happens to straight people Amelia: of course it does Amelia: Savannah's parents are fucked Jac: just because they don't love each other no more Jac: when they got together, I'm sure they both knew Amelia: still, her mum's so broken she's barely a person Jac: all I'm saying is we're getting dangerously close to comparing being gay to a mental illness Jac: which is what homophobes say and I'm not trying to be the confirmation Amelia: it's not being gay, it's loving the wrong person Amelia: there are happy gays, I've met some Amelia: and your brother isn't being held back by it Jac: don't get me started Amelia: Jude's love life is messier than his Amelia: more dramatic Jac: he'll end up with a girl Amelia: you don't know that Jac: wait and see Amelia: yeah, I'll stalk him from afar like a fangirl Amelia: 🤢 Jac: it's not the same either Amelia: you love a competition Jac: yeah, this is so much fun Jac: him and Jude are the same Jac: it doesn't mean anything to them, so they aren't getting hurt Jac: they don't care, it's not serious Amelia: you've got me, we're very much the same Amelia: in this anyway Jac: I don't want to love anyone ever again Amelia: then don't Jac: that's why I have no friends Amelia: yeah well you don't need them, that's the line and the lie, right? Jac: it's not funny Jac: I can't be trusted Jac: with any kind of relationship with a girl Amelia: I'm not laughing because me either Amelia: I make bad choices and I'm proven stupid, remember Jac: it's so fucking isolating Amelia: school is anyway Amelia: we're all in boxes Jac: you never used to hate it this much Amelia: now you understand how much I hate everything Amelia: how exhausted I am Amelia: it'd be nice to have the solidarity if it wasn't so horrible Jac: I'm just trying to get used to it Jac: accept it Amelia: at least you don't have to see her every day Amelia: maybe that'll make it different Jac: I never get to see her again Amelia: you don't know that either Jac: I do Jac: she's unlikely to stop by when she's seeing her mum Amelia: you verbally recoiled from me, ruined my birthday, nobody would call it likely that we're talking Jac: naive optimism is exactly what got you here Jac: don't even need to scroll for the reminder Amelia: ouch Amelia: you always find new ways to hurt me Jac: you really did just say you made bad choices and were stupid Jac: continuing this conversation is just another one for the list, probably Amelia: I can say it and do so you don't need to Jac: alright, alright Amelia: you're blocked though, this is the only place you could try to Jac: I could make another post but the point has been made well enough I reckon Amelia: it's not my birthday now so there's no point Amelia: ⛅ Jac: sod you then Jac: don't want you getting the wrong impression Amelia: 😂 bit late for that Jac: yeah Amelia: my dad'll be up soon I'll just wait ☕ Amelia: don't need you to entertain me any further Jac: you gonna tell him about your shit birthday Amelia: I'll tell them both we broke up and they'll be thrilled Amelia: it's all they want to hear Jac: you can tell them it was my fault, it doesn't matter to me Amelia: why would I do that? Jac: dunno, but having someone else's parents take over and shout at me for a bit might be mildly entertaining Amelia: they think I'm over you, they want me to be better Amelia: I'm not going to ruin the lie Jac: rude Jac: but fine Jac: guess you don't owe me Amelia: no, I don't Jac: enjoy your coffee then Amelia: it'll taste disgusting like it always does Amelia: the biggest lie of all Jac: you aren't as exhausted and sad as you say you are Jac: the taste would've been acquired by now, you massive child Amelia: I've had to hide it longer than you Amelia: I'm just more skilled and hilarious Jac: so you're better at being sad? Jac: and I love a competition 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I've acquired a taste for anything with a high enough alcohol content, there you go Jac: I was drunk before I got there and that was still apparent Amelia: haven't needed stitches yet Jac: that's something Jac: anyway, how'd you figure you've had to hide it longer? Amelia: because I have Amelia: you were sitting pretty on a ☁ with Savannah for ages Amelia: nothing could touch you up there Jac: that's where you're wrong Amelia: I'm not letting you win again Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like I was fucking boys because I thought I wanted to Amelia: okay 🏆 no need to make me cry thinking about that Jac: they aren't that bad Jac: well, usually Jac: just not as interesting, it didn't make sense Jac: why we would waste time we could be together instead Amelia: it's really sad Amelia: as 💔 it was seeing you with lads, I thought it was at least what you wanted Jac: they aren't the ones that made me 💔 Amelia: I know but Amelia: I can't imagine doing that, or how it would make me feel if I thought I had to Jac: well you're much softer than I am Amelia: excuse me, it took you years to break me, Savannah did the same to you in 1 Amelia: you're not that hard Jac: I think that says more about Savannah than it does you Jac: but alright Amelia: right, because she's so perfect Amelia: I actually can't compete Jac: shut up Amelia: it's true Jac: it isn't that simple, I keep saying Amelia: it's as simple as you've already said, she's straight and I'm not Amelia: it was safer for you, except it wasn't Jac: you make it sound Jac: ugh Amelia: isn't it? Jac: you think I'm a right cold, calculating bitch Jac: and I'm not saying you're wrong but it was nice when you thought otherwise Amelia: we can't go back, you really drilled that into me Jac: I know Jac: oh well Amelia: oh well? that's the best you can do, yeah? Amelia: doesn't sound very calculating and well planned out Jac: because it's all over Jac: the only thing I've got left is uni and the career I want Jac: nothing else can or is going to exist Amelia: that's more than I've got Amelia: I haven't exactly been concentrating on my app Jac: well you're going to run away and find your Thelma aren't you Amelia: you ruined that fantasy with reality Jac: yeah right Jac: you're still a hopeless romantic Amelia: with a 🚗 I can't drive yet Jac: have you had any lessons yet Amelia: no Amelia: I keep asking my dad but he's always too busy Jac: go ask him now Amelia: I've drank too much to go now Jac: well duh but he'll feel so bad for you he'll make time tomorrow or whatever Amelia: and we're back to calculating Jac: someone has to if you wanna be wild and free Amelia: 😂 Jac: how early is it Jac: will the library be open Amelia: it's weird that the library is still open at any hour Amelia: you're literally the only person who ever goes there Jac: excuse me, only child Jac: you try and study with a house full of annoying kids and dogs Amelia: I'm fine with a 🏠 swap, I don't feel like studying Jac: yeah only if you make it permanent Amelia: you wouldn't take my guest room for a night, I don't think I'd be able to make that happen Jac: because you were there Amelia: rude Jac: sensible Amelia: nothing's going to happen Jac: yeah exactly Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: it means we aren't going to be friends Amelia: why not? Jac: I told you why Amelia: I'm not asking you to care about me, I'm saying I'm here for you Jac: No Jac: I wasn't joking when I said I can't have friends Amelia: I know you weren't Jac: that includes you Jac: especially you Amelia: okay Jac: okay Amelia: good morning then Jac: 👋

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jiminsfault · 5 years ago

Text

Tag game!

I was tagged by @gallhali tysm bby I missed doing these tag things uwu

- Nickname(s): fee

- Bias: Taehyung! but Jungkook, Yoongi and Namjoon are trying to break us apart :(

- Blood type: the real question is who tf knows their blood type??

- Favorite food: nOOdles

- Birthday: sept 29 uwu

- Zodiac: Libra and it really fucken shows

- Pronouns: she/her

- Hair length: when it’s wet around my hips but my curls make it be around my boobs :/

- Height: about like... 160 cm/ 5″3,,, haven’t measured myself in a while

- A crush: nO sadly not someone make me fall in love pls

- What do you like about yourself: [awkward silence]

- Left or right handed: right handed but I swear I’m currently trying to use my left hand equally well just to weird ppl out (it’s not going well thanks for asking)

- List of 3 favourites colours: yellow, purple and maybe blue?

- (Right now) eating: the only thing I ate was leftovers from yesterday and it’s literally about 9pm now

- (Right now) drinking: Water. Always water.

- I’m about to: probably sleep tbh :/ if I can

- Listening to: rn nothing but black swan is stuck in my head and on replay

- Kids: idk if I should trust myself to raise up a person honestly, shit would be chaotic

- Get married: if someone would fucken love me maybe so

- Recent phone call: I literally never get any calls and tbh I’m sad about it :(

- (Have u ever) dated someone twice: nO

- Been cheated on: I have the feeling yeah but no facts

- Kissed someone and regretted it: big yes omg I was drunk and regretted many things from that night

- Lost someone special: yeah

- Been depressed: my mood always comes and goes in waves so when I’m sad I’m sAd sad,,, so yeah

- Been drunk and thrown up: I’ve never had to throw up when I got drunk, maybe cuz I’m such a lightweight fejfjew

- Had glasses or contacts: both, currently only using my contacts tho bc I need new glasses

- Had sex on the first date: nO

- Broken someone’s heart: maybe so? at least not on purpose

- Turned someone down: yeaaahhhhhh

- Cried when someone died: honestly I don’t think so?

- Fallen for a friend: sO much which fucking hurts because my friends always start to hate me after like a year? so ://

- (In the last year) have you made a new friend: yes

- Laughed until you cried: no sadly not I think

- Met someone who changed you: I met a lot of people who have a little influence on me but since two years no one changed me completely

- Found out who your true friends are: idk, maybe

- Found out someone was talking about you: yeah a hell of a lot of people did, just stuck up ppl from high school who never liked me tho so its g

- Lips or eyes: neither are things I care about a lot but if I had to choose eyes, it’s really great to be able to look at ppls eyes when talking to them

- Hugs or kisses: physical affection in general would be crispy right about now

- Romantic or spontaneous: as a libra I’m forced to say romantic, also I fucking hate spontaneous things most of the time

- Hookup or relationship: relationship for suuure my heart’s too weak for casual shit

- First best friend: I never have had a best friend like when I’m also their best friend

- Surgery: never had any, thank the lord

- Sports I joined: I used to do gymnastic stuff when I was smaller but ever since I’ve been older I only did sport stuff at home

- Do u believe in urself: sometimes yes, sometimes no

- Miracles: no

- Love at first sight: no but,,, that could change

- Heaven: no

- Do you have any pets: my family has fishes and a cat that overtime grew to be more my cat but don’t tell my mom,,,, I also have a hamster uwu

- Do you want to change your name: legit sometimes wanna do that but I wouldn’t know into which name??

- What did u do for your last birthday: I went to the cinema to see a movie with a friend I’m not rly talking to anymore and another friend I barely talk to soo,,,, thats,,,, yeah

- What time did u wake up today: 9.30am or sumn

- What were you doing last night at midnight: not to be emo on main but I was crying myself a river babey

- Something i can’t wait for: my stomach to stop hurting would be fuckEn nicE bro

- Last time i saw my mum: like ten minutes ago

- What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I’d really want to be one of those ppl who dont give a shit about anything like ppl not liking them? don’t care, ppl not talking to them? don’t care. Just not being so anxious and shy all the time and being able to portray emotions would be great too. Just generally growing up somewhere else with other people around me and not loving sweets and snacks as much as I do gOddAmmnnn

Tagging: everyone who wants to do dissss,,,,, Im not sure which mutuals I can tag heh

#this was rly fun and kept me busy uwu #fairyfriends #gallhali #tagged

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fairycosmos · 5 years ago

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was not tryna give a part 3 omg but i feel like my mom is just tired of me. i know she is. she barely comes home anymore n whenever i try to spend time with her she acts like it’s a task, like she’s being forced. & in ways she makes me feel bad for talking or anything but i just miss her. i miss everyone. my mom & i never had a good relationship but she’s what keeps me here & i just feel like i have nothing sometimes. my heart just hurts more than i can say. thank u for listening, ur an angel 🥺

hi bby :(( thank you for being so honest and open w me, it really is something to be proud of and is also proof that you are genuinely more capable of this than you think !! which seems like bullshit but it's not !! honestly the worst thing about treating your mental health is the amount of trial and error involved. you have to find that specifically works for you in exactly the right way. it's annoying, and you have every right to be frustrated. sometimes it can make you feel like giving up completely, because it's just so exhausting, and that's ok. as long as you understand the difference between having an urge and acting on it. the prospect of a new therapist is totally daunting but at the same time, you are allowed to set boundaries and take it at your own pace. if you do your best to explain how mentally tired you are, and that you want to take it slow, they will generally respect that. the thing about therapy is that you just don't know how it's going to go until you're there. sometimes you surprise yourself. sometimes it all just comes spilling out. sometimes you clam up. and all of it, all of it a natural part of the process. i mean this in the least patronising way, you are so strong for picking yourself up every time, for continuing to try. you may feel like your brain is totally fried right now but when push comes to shove, you are so much more than you realize.

as for school, jesus, that just be so nerve wracking and i don't blame you for being a bit scared at at all. the few weeks before you begin is always the worst part because your mind sort of runs wild with possibilities. but always try to remember that anxiety job is literally to take situations and warp them into something they're not based on fear and trepidation. in reality you have no idea what's going to happen and a middle ground, average result is always the most likely outcome anyway. take a breath. i get that logically knowing things doesn't help much with mental illness but it always helps to ground yourself. bottom line is, you will adapt and grow with the new environment even if you don't think you will. it's inevitable. you will find your routine and your mundanity again, and all of it will become second nature. even if there's a few awkward moments, even if you struggle a little at first. most people do. as long as you understand that there is always help available, always other options, and you are never trapped or totally stuck in a situation no matter how much your brain tries to convince you that you are. if your schoolwork gets on top of you, you CAN take a step back for the sake of your mental health, even if adults whine about it. if you don't know how to talk to people, learn by example and keep in mind that they're probably perceiving you better than you perceive yourself. like with therapy, let school integrate into your life at its own pace. half the battle is honestly just showing up. unfortunately all of this fear is where the growth happens. it's very normal to want to go back into hospital, to want to avoid reality, but there is no life waiting for you there. this is something i find very hard to come to terms with myself. you have to get up and touch the tangibility and live in it with everyone else. and you are, you're doing it as we speak, and that genuinely counts for so much dude. i can't stress that enough. these periods of loneliness and isolation are absolutely horrible and i don't really know the answer to them to be honest, but i do know that they are often periods of massive self growth, and they can end just as aprubtly as theuy begin. you are deserving of companionship and love, and just because it's hard to find doesn't mean it's not out there for you. in so many forms, over and over again, you will feel it. it's not as far fetched as your anxiety wants you to believe. where you're at right now isn't where you'll always be, and new beginnings are proof of that.

about your mum, god i'm so sorry she's been making you feel that way?? i can't tell you how much i relate and how much it hurt me when i was younger, and i promise you're absolutely not alone in feeling this way. so many people can and do understand, and that goes for all of this - the mental illness, the therapy stress, the fear and annoyance of starting anew. complexes caused by negative parental relationships are always so hard to heal from because they're so deeply rooted within, but i need you to try to understand that your worth does not lie in your mother and you can not force her to be mature, to to understand if she's so insistent on misunderstanding. it's one of the fuckin hardest lessons to learn and i don't know if the pain ever stops from it (though it definitely settles and becomes more manageable), but there is a point in every kids life where they just realize their parents are wrong. they're ignorant, or they're obtuse, or they're mean - and that is on them. it is a reflection of them and that is it, there's nothing else to it. of course you shouldn't have to deal with it at all, but it is not caused by you no matter how much it feels like it is, angel. your mental illness is harder for you to put up with than it is for her to witness and if she can't accept that, she's fucked. idk the details of your relationship with her, and maybe even if you sit her down and force her to listen, something will click. it's not an impossibility and i sure hope it happens, but if it doesn't i promise there are so so so sooo many other avenues of support out there. and your parents are truly not the beginning and end of the world. one day, sooner than you think, you are going to live a life divorced of her opinions, and even better, you won't feel such a craving to hear them. you will be in control of your own environment and mental well being and it will not be anything like what you're expecting. that's a guarantee, something you can always rely on. i know words are pointless, i know they're empty to you. and i know i can't make you see your situation the way i do, obviously. but i really hope you can take the time to find the ment clarity to examine why you're so averse to accepting the positive, what you can do to help yourself, and whether or not your anxieties are rooted in rationality of not. there's seriously so many ways to battle and to overcome the shit you're going through and it only feels so chaotic at the moment because you're in the midst of finding your feet. think back to when you first went into hospital, and how foreign everything felt, and how you got through it a day at a time. you didn't confront all that for nothing. you are so much more resilient than you realize and i wholeheartedly believe that. i'm assuming you're still very young, and so even the natural growth and development of your life is going to afford you so many answers and so much relief, though of course there will always be new questions and things to fight. but the bottom is you've got time, and if you have to take this one step at a time, or one hour at a time, or even a minute at a time - you can. you are okay. some days are rough but they do not negate your progress. so take a breath and try to identify what it is you need (e.g to talk to your parents, to be honest with the professionals in your life, to incorporate coping mechanisms into your daily routine so you feel less overwhelmed about school etc) and let that be good enough, because it is. i'm infinitely proud of you for being here and i know the hurt and the loneliness is a total tidal wave right now but it will it always be, and that's a certainty, unlike your fears. i really hope you find some peace of mind soon and that your mum heard you out. if you want to talk about this properly or if you need a friend i will be here. sending love and warmth to u dude. message me anytime.

#anon #long post

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wanna1things · 7 years ago

Text

College! Hwang Minhyun

Genre;; fluff + college au!!

Warnings;; none unless you don’t like ducklings and a certain mr hwang

Pairing;; Hwang Minhyun x reader

Requested;; NO i just found this in the notes on my phone and i NEED to post this

Summary;; Minhyun is very… mysterious. Until you catch him with some ducks...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1400

masterlist • request rules • request something

I DONT KNOW WHY I NEVER POSTED THIS i just found it and started cryinf it’s such a cute au bye i- also omg i’m posting this so much earlier than usually sdfjdshf oops

mr hwang minhyun is a mystery in your college

everyone knows of him but not many people KNOW him,, he has a very close knit group of friends

which you’re… not a part of at least not right now

but what you do know is that he majors in education because well,, he really likes working with children,, and minors in music,,

and everyone is convinced it’s the other way around because well… hwang minhyun has a godly voice and well he also plays piano amazingly??

most people know him as the guy who always seems a little cold unless you spot him with,, his amigos aron minki dongho and jonghyun

and honestly you’ve seen his smile before when he’s around them and its really cute ;; even if he does look like he has no emotions whatsoever the rest of the time

he’s in a couple of your classes for music composition so… you’ve heard him sing and ok no spoilers but BIG CRUSH

his voice is honestly?? one of the most beautiful you’ve heard?? you literally couldn’t help but fall for him

it also helped that he’s BEAUTIFUL

but he’s one of those lifesavers,,

once there was a test and almost everyone forgot about it until the day before

but he photocopied and handed out his basic notes without even,, complaining,,

tbh you suspect jonghyun was behind it but

anyway

Minhyun is always The Most Invested In Class

sometimes you look over at him and he’s furiously making notes and you’re just like,,, wow…. the motivation… while you’re trying not to fall asleep

and after class he always runs off somewhere super fast like

even if you wanted to catch him nope!! he’s off! tight schedule!!

don’t tell anyone he’s actually just going to hang out with his bros at the science lab

anywayyyyy

one day it’s raining suuuuuuper hard and you’re on the way back to your dorm when you hear some… quacks…

so you stopped walking and looked around for the source of this suspicious duck noise

when you hear this soft voice whisper

“please stop following me i’m not your mum”

so of course you go in search of the owner of this whispery and strangely familiar voice and… the ducks

and as you turn the corner there... is minhyun

THE hwang minhyun you’ve never spoken to from you music class,,

followed by a trail of baby ducks??

he looks up and spots you and looks you right in the eyes

and he is PLEADING for your help like

the poor guy does not know what to do with these cute little ducklings

so you approach him,,

“where did you get all these ducklings from??”

he sighs and looks down at his feet

which are surrounded by little duckies

“I was helping out Minki in biology…”

minki? Ducks? This is new

“He made them think i’m their mother…”

you almost fall on the floor laughing and minhyun just looks so,, dejected

“seriously!! what do I do with these ducks, y/n?!”

woah okay?? since when did he know your name?? you’ve never even spoken before?? THE hwang minhyun knows your name??

and he picked up all the ducks in his hands and omg

you have to admit it was the cutest thing you’ve ever seen

so of course you help him out and invite him back to your room

and you give him a couple boxes with blankets to put the ducklings in

and then… they start to QUACK (kwak haha sorry i’ll show myself out)

his face lights up because they’re really cute and oh my god minhyun you’re even cuTER

but then something clicks in his head and he looks you straight in the eye uh oh

“can you keep them… my roommate will murder me if i bring back baby ducklings…”

and you’re just like

“what? and you think mine won’t?”

but of course you take them because it’s minhyun… nobody could say no even if they tried he’d pull a fake sad face

so you put them down on your bedside table and turn to face minhyun again

and now,, awkward silence

seriously why hasn’t he left yet you took the ducks what is he doing??

suddenly he sits down on your bed next to you and takes hold of your hand

heaRT RACING PEOPLE!!

and he looks deeeeeeep into your eyes and you’re like gosh minhyun I only spoke to you for the first time today what’s happening??

nothing’s happening

he just smiles that smile you’ve only seen towards his friends

“thank you so much for helping me i’ll come back for them tomorrow!”

and then out of the door he goes

your roommate comes in almost as soon as he leaves and is like

“why was thE HWANG MINHYUN here with you?? what’s going on”

and you just point at the ducks like “blame minki goodnight”

nexT DAY!!

at literally 8am someone is frantically knocking on your door,, and you’re not even awake yet

you look around the room and notice your roommate is gone so you go to the door thinking its them

“come ON it’s 8am why can’t you open the door with the keys why are you making me get up-”

it’s not your roommate

It’s hwang minhyun

you let him in apologising profusely and almost falling over yourself

but he just laughs that “ha ha ha” laugh and picks up the ducks

while you’re just like wait… what was so funny??

he starts to walk out the door but just before he leaves he turns around

“i like your pyjamas!”

and zoom he’s out the door

but oh no you’re not letting him pull that and go???

so out into the corridor you go and in the loudest voice you can make at 8am

you shout

“Hwang Minhyun get back here!!!”

he turns around faster than sonic

“what’s wrong did I leave a duck?? I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to leave a duck let me come in and take him back-”

“no... you have all the ducks… but they’re my kids too now so I want to take them back with you”

so he shrugs in agreement and leaves you to get dressed and ready

and when you walk about minhyun is a little surprised

like he’d never really noticed you before,, not properly,, but you were actually really cute

and you were a parent with him? Amazing

so you two walk to the biology rooms to go and fight minki over this

but when you’re halfway there minhyun takes hold of your hand and whispers in your ear

“We’re parents now!!”

he does the haha laugh again and you blush, looking up at him

and he has a mATCHING BLUSH

so you continue holding hands the whole way there

and when you get there, minki is already there working on some new experiment who knows what honestly i’m a bit scared

but he notices you as soon as he sees your shadows in the doorway

“Ooh, new couple?”

minhyun rolls his eyes at minki’s comment and sighs

“Dude the ducks weren’t funny they literally followed me all the way home”

but minki still thinks this is totally hilarious

and honestly? so do you

but you notice minhyun start to pout and uh no we don’t want dramatic minhyun today

so you let go of minhyun’s hand and pass the ducks back to minki

“Aww they had such great parents overnight!!”

and you and minhyun are blushing umm

that’s when you notice the clock in the corner of the room and okay you have class with minhyun in 15 minutes and you don’t want to be running across campus because of minki and his ducks

so you and minhyun bid farewell to the master prankster and get out before the ducks can follow you again

but as soon as you step out of the classroom minhyun turns to you

and his cheeks are bright pink bless

“We should, uhh… hang out sometime…. Without the ducks though”

“But i liked the ducks? They were like our children??”

Minhyun accidentally takes this as rejection and his face starts to fall

“I mean but yeah we can totally hang out, as long as you don’t bring a spider or anything,, I’m not into that”

so now,, thanks to minki and a few ducklings a new romance is blossoming!

according to notes i wrote this in december 2016 and well... i still love it

#hwang minhyun #wanna one imagines #wannaone imagines #wanna one scenarios #nu'est imagines #minhyun #produce 101 imagines #produce 101 scenarios #hmh #college au

152 notes · View notes

matildasdoingwhat · 4 years ago

Text

wattpad link : https://www.wattpad.com/830032417-strange-family-values-chapter-3-the-fairy-eater

The Strange Family Values Chapter 3 The Fairy Eater

Artist name: Matilda Sparrow

Disclaimer: This Chapter is an FF for the world of Hp. It is like an extension. you'll find out why in the later stories. but the stories and characters so far are mine.

I love the HP stories so much I just wanted to live it through at least one chapter,

I love Hp so hard, and I am in no way near the level of greatness obviously, but when we love stuff so much we want to be part of it as well. I hope you like this FF.

Norway, Bergen, Mystik Kyster, August, Present Day.

Scene 1

It was a beautiful cloudy day, the trees were bowing and some of the vines were trying to drink the water from a tiny stream as it quietly made its murmur in the forest. It was one of those days where you can feel the coolness of the air in your skin and a day where you can also hear the rustling foliage as the wind passed by.

We see a girl's feet entering the forest.

Next, we see a little bear with patches, being held by the little girl.

Then, we see a woman's feet join the little girl.

It holds her hand.

The woman's dress was peachy cream and sheer it had a few flowers, leaves, moss, and vines as if she rolled around them and it got stuck there for good.

They both skip happily and their laughter rings as they go further and further away... deeper into the forest.

Scene 2

Four children were running in the forest.

They were swift and seemed to defy time.

Lupus jumped over a tree branch and seemed to lead. Matilda sucked her teeth out of irritation. She noticed Lupus wanting to transform, His pupils pitch black and the veins around his eyes are becoming darker.

"No cheating Lupus!" Matilda exclaimed.

She tried to outrun him, but Lupus was quick and dashed using all four of his arms and legs. They reached a hill and continued to outpace each other. The twins followed and they hastened as fast as they could until they reached the edge of the cliff, It was steep and Lupus charging at an unbelievable pace, almost fell, but Matilda caught him, spreading her regal magnificent black wings.

"Good Catch D." Lupus said.

"What?" Matilda was confused.

"D for Death. Coz you look so dead..." He snickered then ordered, "Can you put me down now?"

Matilda looked at him mischievously and replied "Down there?" referring to the precipitous space between the cliff and the rocky shores below.

"If I was Death, I wonder what would happen if I let go of you."

"You dare?," Lupus paused then continued. "Meh. I'll live." Lupus sneered proudly.

Then she let him go.

"shiiiiiiiiiit!!!!". He screamed as he slowly fell but Matilda dove quickly and caught him on his sleeve.

And then she laughed at him mockingly. It was a fruity laugh, She was completely elated.

Lupus scowled and was angry. "You're dead Matilda!"

He tried to hit her on the head, but she evaded and kept laughing.

Then she threw him off the hill.

Lupus sneered at her while he cleaned himself off.

small little laughter was also heard in the background, The twins were cackling.

Scene 3

Earlier.

Mr. Strange was lounging in his luxurious wine bathrobe, it had accents of gold and his soft hair was flowing freely as the wind kissed it, he looked like he smelled really good, even though he just woke up. He was holding a book titled, "How to catch a prey" while he had a scrutinizing look on his face and murmured, "pfff...stupid." referring to the book, but continued to read it anyway, after which he changed his attention to Caedmon and Waldron, he smiled then coyly asked the babies. "Did you guys enjoy your first meal last time?"

Mr. Strange was a serious man, but when it comes to the twins he is not shy to show his affections.

The family was all sitting in the dining room, having their breakfast. It was a cloudy morning, It was always cloudy lately, Morgana made it so. The adults were having steak. Raw steak for Sullivan of course and Mr. Strange was the only one having coffee with blood, or blood with coffee. or blood with rum or vodka. I'm not so sure. while the kids enjoyed bacon pancakes, sausages, and sweet honey syrup.

"Yes, Poppa!" said Caedmon

"When will we eat human again?" says Waldron

"Aw did you enjoy it that much Waldron?" asked Mrs. Strange.

"Yes, it made me stronger lately, see." Waldron showed off his muscles by making a strong man pose.

"Me too!" Caedmon excitingly shared and showed a strong man pose as well.

"Ahhh, let me check!?" Mr. Strange playfully replied, then he carried the babies using both his hands while pretending to fall because of how heavy they were. "Oh my goodness! you're so heavy! agh! you guys are so strong!"

The twins giggled as they squeezed Mr. Strange's face.

Scene 4

Later that afternoon.

"What are you guys wearing?" Matilda referred to what Caedmon and Waldron have decided to put on their heads.

"We found it there..." Caedmon pointing at the forest.

"Hmmm." Lupus sniffed. "I smell blood."

Lupus looked at Matilda, "It's tainted."

Matilda surprised, "Did you guys eat someone?" she suspiciously asked.

"No... not without Mums and fathers permission," defended Waldron.

"Let's throw these things away..." Matilda hurriedly threw it off the cliff.

"Hey?!" Caedmon said.

"Those are tainted Caedmon, someone died in them, be careful next time okay?"

"Ok.." the twins replied conjoinedly.

"Did you eat someone Lupus?" she asked.

"No... maybe mum or father did, let's ask

Lupus got out a small smartphone and texted.

Lupus: Mum did you guys eat some kid in the forest?

Scene 5

At home:

"Sullivan, have you eaten someone recently?"

"No, Madame. I actually have lots of stocks in my home fridge. Mostly Deer brains Ma'am, nothing tainted. Not without telling."

Mr. Strange looked up from what he was reading and looked at his wife.

"Lupus is asking me if we ate some people, did you eat someone?" Morgana asked Mr. Strange.

"Not here, outside of Bergen, somewhere in Trondheim, but not in this town." Replied Mr. Strange

"Agh, that is why I told you to pick somewhere where there are not too many people..." Morgana complained.

"Well, our house is isolated." Mr. Strange defended.

"But there are too many people in Bergen, too much trouble. we should've just moved to Iceland." Morgana confided.

"Ah, but what will we eat there? there are already too many magical creatures there. We cannot eat them that would be like cannibalism, There is even that school for wizards there. If they find out we ate people, they would probably hunt us."

"We don't know that. I heard their laws are much looser compared to the ones in that American wizarding school." Morgana defended.

"You are not thinking of making our children study there?" Mr. Strange ranted.

"Well just a thought, maybe for a change?" Morgana asked.

"No! Morgana, we have talked about this." Mr. Strange had a firm and concerned tone. "It is too dangerous, we shall not be bounded by their laws. We come from bloodlines of Gods and dragons, Amongst many other things. I refuse for my children to be exploited and experimented by other Lowly pathetic creatures."

"Hush now, Mortimer Strange, then we shan't. No need to be aggravated. Besides, I prefer that British wizarding school." Morgana jested lightly.

"Morgana!" Mr. Strange jeered impatiently.

"Just kidding love, why too serious?." Morgana smiling coyly at her husband, touching his arm, calming him with a spell.

"I apologize for raising my tone. but you know how I feel about these things." Mr. Strange starting to calm down.

"It's quite ok love. I actually find it quite adoring, rawr." Mrs. Strange flirting and making a cat paw.

"Oooh well, in that case, Mon Cherie. Let me ravage you violently, *roar*" Mr. Strange making lion noises to please her wife. No, not those lion noises that people make, its literally real lion noises like a hungry beast. The Savageness pleased Morgana so. Then she took her wife in his arms and nuzzled her neck.

Morgana giggled then Motioned Mr. Strange to wait."Oooh, hold that thought."

"Hmmm, better text them." Morgana raised her phone.

"Tell them to stay away from the place where someone was eaten." Mr. Strange implicated in a concerned tone, looking up from Morganas Neck.

"Mmm, kay," said Morgana and proceeded to text.

Morgana: Lupus, no we haven't eaten anyone. Also, your Father strictly said not to go to where the human was eaten.

Lupus: k. Mum.

Then Morgana smiled at Mr. Strange. "You were saying?"

"Ah yes!" Mr. Strange giggled and agreed, then continued to ravage her wife.

Scene 6

In the forest:

"Mum said not to go to where those children got eaten?" Lupus informed everyone.

"Not now, maybe tomorrow. If it ate now. It won't eat again. until tomorrow. " Matilda paused then continued "Depending on what it is. "

"It can eat tomorrow or maybe next week." Lupus added.

They started walking home on an unbeaten path through the forest, Matilda and Lupus had a small conversation while the twins played while following them.

"The 2nd blood moon is pretty near. If it's going to eat it's going to be soon. I know coz I've been growing strong recently." Lupus announced.

"Oh, thats why you're being bitchy lately." Matilda ripped, then the twins giggled.

"Hahaha Omged, I'm Manyilda I'm so funny!" then continued "And if you must know I am not bitchy but angry the sun rose at four am today, It wakes me up too early and I can only run around for a few hours at night

and then its morning already."

"Yes, us too." the twins eerily replied.

" Ugh you don't have to tell me about it," Matilda replied.

"But don't worry babies, come fall it will be pretty normal, I'm guessing, we just moved here so I don't know, but in winter I read that there will be darkness, its called the winter darkness..." Matilda informed them.

The twins and Lupus eyes widened.

"That means, the sun doesn't come up at all in the middle of winter" Matilda explained.

"ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh" The twins and Lupus replied.

"By the way don't forget to tell Mum about the 2nd blood moon, you lose control on that day, you have to be chained up, like a dog." Matilda quipped. "Remember the last time?, hahaha, You ate the neighbor, your friends family, hahaha" Matilda laughed heartily unable to control it, while she spoke.

The twins giggled with her like an echo.

Lupus sneered at Matilda.

"I'm not the only one you know, Father goes crazy on that day, and who knows maybe you will go crazy too."

"Not yet, I'm still partly human. It's disgusting. but I'm not looking forward to my first death either.

"You know what I am looking forward to?" Matilda mischievously voiced.

"Ha!" they both gasped. They remembered something.

"The blood harvest!." they spoke together.

"As much as I don't like, mingling, I'm looking forward to the sacrifice, plus the light of the moon will make us stronger, and... it's finally the day that I will ask our uncles to give us their blood."

"I don't think they'll give us their blood yet Matilda.? I don't think they will give you their blood ever." Lupus stating that what she said was ridiculous.

The twins were now confused."What's a blood harvest.?"

The kids reached their house.

"It is what it says it is Waldron. We will harvest blood and bask in the light of the moon so we can grow stronger." Answered their Mother as they arrive on the porch of their house.

"Aaaah" the twins replied together.

"Also there's a ball, with lots of Vampires, Witches, and otherworldly creatures."

"Aaaaaaaaah. party!" the twins eerily said together.

Scene 7

"Augustus..."

A woman with curly red hair, in her mid-thirties, wearing a grey plaid dress was looking for her child.

"Augustus?!" the sound of her voice rang loudly in the air as she called out to him, we zoom out of her house and zoom in to where Augustus is, he was eating berries in the forest. He was fat, and plump, with red hair, he had freckles on his face and his cheeks and his mouth were covered with blue and red juice, from the berries that he was engulfing.

He ate and enjoyed what he was eating and he put some of it on his shirt pocket and he wiped some of the juice on his pants and shirt, it was messy, but he kept chewing full and delightfully enjoying the berries, then he looked up, a woman was looking down on him, It was the woman with the flower dress.

The boy smiled an awkward smile, and the woman reached out her hand.

Scene 8

WTFS station.

A woman was looking at her reflection in a vanity Mirror.

Pulling the skin on her face, to see her younger self, hoping her wrinkles would vanish.

She walks into a booth to go to use the toilet.

Two women and a child entered the powder room, A woman with wild red hair, named Melena wore a simple gray dress and talked to a woman with short blonde hair and bangs named Lise, she was wearing a sheer black lingerie top, a short black skirt and high heels.

"Ugh can you believe how she treated us yesterday, I said hi and she didn't even notice me. She's too proud". Melena ranted.

"I know right". The woman with the blonde hair fiddled with her makeup, placing lipstick on her lips, and checked how she looked like in the mirror, then responded, "She still thinks she's all that but she's spent, that's what old age gets you."

"How long has she been an actress?" the red-haired woman asked.

"I don't know for a long time I guess."

"Her skin is wonderful though I'll give her that." The woman with the red hair confessed.

"Pff," The woman with a blonde hair objected. "That's science for you...but pretty soon you know, all that sciencey stuff will stop working and inevitably they will end up looking weird."

"Ah, you're too harsh Lise."

"And you are too nice, Melena."

Lise bobs her head from side to side as a sign of disapproval. "Myrka

Drummond does not deserve your kindness, she has been nothing but been rude to us, she is just a passed off diva."

The woman in the bathroom booth fumed, her left eye squinted every so slightly, It was Myrka Drummond.

She looked out secretly and stopped herself from arguing with these women, and told herself that she had class and was not beneath these pitiful creatures.

"Trine lets go." Lise motioned to a child that she is with.

Scene 9

"Please, he has been gone for more than a whole day. I have a bad feeling about it."

"Maam, are you sure he's not just playing at his friend's house."

"Noh, Augustus doesn't have lots of friends, he goes to the forests and collects berries and comes home dirty, at exactly four, five or six give or take, that is his routine, and he has not come back yet for a few hours now."

Detective Alexander sits on his desk and overhears a red-haired woman complaining to his colleague. They were in the Police station, with pale white lights and white walls with accents of gray. There were also simple tables and chairs. It was a depressing small office, with people all busy with their office job, slaving away like zombies, some walking here and there to get coffee or to go in or to go out to do their duties, its where time slowly passed and nobody seemed to care.

"Hello Ma'am, My name is Detective James Alexander, and you are Miss?"

"Mrs. Melena Hansen."

"What's happening here?" Detective Alexander looked at Melena and the officer interviewing her.

"Mrs. Hansen said her child has been missing for a few hours now."

Melena worried, interjected "He has been missing for hours! Augustus has a routine, he always comes back, at this hour!."

While the woman was talking, the chief came out of his office.

"Alexander, Sandvik, Aadberg..." The chief called three names, "Christiansen called in a Homicide in the Myrkviðr forest, in Mystik Kyster. Go now Chop chop..."

The chief had a grey suit on and had grey hair and had a friendly face but even though it was friendly, he looked tired as if he had gone through a lot through the years.

The detective looked at the woman, and the woman covered her mouth, upset, and was about to cry.

"Where did you say you live Ma'am."

"In Mystik Kyster." The woman started to tear up.

"Ma'am there's no reason to be upset, wait here. "

Alexander shortly entered the chief's office, "Chief did Christiansen happen to give a profile, of the victim? "

"Yes, It's ah, very unfortunate, it was a young girl. aged about four to six. Go there now Alexander, let's catch this sonno' of a bitch."

Detective Alexander went back to the lady, who was much calmer because of the information, "Ma'am this is officer Bohle.." Detective Alexander referring to the middle-aged man, with thinning yellow hair, pale skin and had a white uniform and blue vest on, sitting at the desk.

"He will help you." He reassured the woman.

"Bohle check out the Madames area," Alexander asked Bohle.

"Sandvik, Aadberg, let's go..." Detective Alexander motioned to his colleagues, and they left the station.

Scene 10

A big wooden door was left open, sun shone inside the wooden house, the cool wind crept inside which can be felt on the wooden floor, it was a big cabin, the smell of flowers and the thick forest with different color of greens in the surrounding emanated the house, Nissa was playing with her doll, she was wearing a turquoise tutu skirt and a matching shirt, she saw something outside, was it a firefly? she asked herself. She went outside, there was laughter.

Then she saw it just above their pool.

Its eyes blinked.

what was it?. It looked like a flower with eyes. It was a pixie.

It had a long body but no smaller or bigger than a flower. It's olive arms and legs seemed like flower stems.

It had a long slim lithesome body and fingers. It smiled at her, It had scary pointy teeth but its face was friendly, it had cute black orb-like eyes and its head was purple and white that looked like petals and it had wings,

It beckoned Nissa to come.

Nissa looked back at their house and it flew around her and then she motioned for Nissa again, inviting her as if to play.

It went inside the thick forest and Nissa followed It.

Scene 11

"Nissa!!!"

Kalen screamed and called out to his sister. Kalen was looking for his sister.

He had noticed something strange, normally there would be the noise of a girl jumping up and down, running around and making cute noises, but while he was playing his pocket game after a while he had noticed it was incredibly quiet in their house.

"Nissa!" he called once more.

she saw Nissa's doll on the floor near the pool.

"Where did she go.?" He asked himself with a confused look on his face.

Scene 12

Detective Alexander looked at the scene with disgust and a heavy heart. He kept silent and was pensive, he asked himself who would do such a monstrous act.

CSI units Aadberg and Saandvik collected physical evidence from the site, He saw the body being covered while Police Officer Christiansen was explaining the situation to the Detective.

Medical examiners and forensic units were already in the area as well.

"She's abot four or six, a female child, poor kid. she didn't deserve this, her guts were all out. What kind of Monster has done this, I heard this done in the city a few weeks ago. do you reckon it would be a bear?" Christiansen asked but was not hoping for a reply.

"I dunno but this gives me the hibbee jibees," Aadberg replied.

Detective Alexander started to look around while Officer Christiansen was talking then he noticed something out of the bushes.

It was a brown object with patches, It had blood on it.

he wore his gloves and picked it up and murmured.

"Gotcha!."

"Aadberg send this to forensics."

Scene 13

Philomena Opened the door, It was Detective Alexander.

"Hello, Detective. How may I help you?"

"We just wanted to ask. If you've seen any fat boy roaming around or if your nephews maybe know him..." The Detective inquired.

"Not that I know off, wait lemme call them," Philomena replied.

"Matilda! Lupus!, Detective Alexander is here to ask some questions, can you guys come for a second, like normal people coz were normal."

The detective had a confused look on his face.

"Coming!" Lupus can be heard from afar.

Lupus and Matilda appeared slowly behind Philomena.

"Hey, wazzup?!" Lupus greeted Detective Alexander.

While Matilda just stared blankly.

"Hey, what's up buddy.?" Detective Alexander greeted them and made a fist bump to Lupus to make the mood lighter. which Lupus gladly accepted and then pretended it exploded afterward.

Matilda rolled her eyes and moved her head from side to side as a sign of disapproval.

Detective Alexander was easily entertained and smirked but continued "I was wondering if you know this boy," The detective showed a picture of the boy.

"His name is Augustus Hansen, He's been missing. He..." He stopped himself because he did not want to scare the kids.

"No, we don't know him," Matilda replied.

"No, bruh, we haven't seen him." Lupus remarked.

"C'mon Lupus..." Matilda motioned to Lupus because they were going out. Today was the day that they were going to look for the murderer.

"Aaah I wouldn't do that If I were you..." Detective Alexander warned, "I'd like to warn you guys, as well," The Detective now averting his eyes to Philomena, "There has been m-u-r-d-e-r in the area, it was unfortunate but some creep has been kidnapping kids in the area.

"We can spell you know." Matilda scrunching her face as she was slightly insulted. "ugh."

"Uhm.. yah, so it's best if you make your niece and nephew stay home. Uhm. Ms.?" The Detective was unsure of what to call her even though the Detective knew her name. Philomena took her glasses off for a second to wipe it with her shirt and For the first time The Detective saw her up close in broad daylight, and he noticed how beautiful she was, her skin was so soft and her lips so plump and pink, her eyes were big and blue, and her cheeks were blushing pink, its almost as if she came out of a painting, her hair was unruly but even this looked beautiful to him, she was enchanting, he never noticed this because of her shabby clothes and huge glasses. He was overwhelmed a bit, Then when she wore the glasses again, he realized he was staring. when he brought himself back together, he started to say his goodbyes.

"Mena..." She looked at the picture and said "I will try to remember his face and well let you know if anything comes up" then finally smiled.

The detective started to think to himself. "Shit. You have to go."

"Well thank you for your time Ms. and nice seeing you again." he handed out his hand for a handshake.

"It was nice seeing you too, Detect..."

She held his hands, then stopped, a vision came, one that she didn't expect to see, something that made her blush which made her pull her hand away from the detective.

It made her google-eyed, and she laughed incoherently and then started to talk nervously.

"Ahah sorry, vertigo.." She reasoned

"Are you okay?" the Detective asked out of concern.

"Yes, yes, yes I just get vertigo sometimes." There was a silent stare that seemed like forever and Matilda stared at Lupus mischievously and he snickered quietly...

"Let's go" he motioned to Matilda, as they quietly tiptoed away...

but their Aunt noticed. "Ah Matilda, Lupus... come inside.!"

"Uuh, Noooooooh?!" Matilda sarcastically replied, then Matilda and Lupus ran.

"We won't go, Far Mena!" Lupus assured her aunt as they ran away.

"Uh, I'm not sure thats a good idea.? " Detective Alexander asked Philomena.

"Do you want me to come after them.?"

"Uh, no! no! it's okay, I'm sure they'll be fine. I'll just run after them." Mena replied knowing full well that they can handle themselves.

The Detective felt a little nervous because he didn't want another dead body, but he thought he was just being paranoid, so he just said." Just look for them ok? the situations sorta serious..."

"Sure... sure..." Philomena reassured.

Then the Detective made his way to his car.

and murmured "Get your shit together Alexander. " while entering his car.

Scene 14

"Start sniffing dog." Matilda mocked her brother playfully.

he glowered at her for a few seconds but continued to do it anyway. He started to smell the air then,

"This way.." Lupus Motioned.

It was mid-afternoon and they ran and ran until they ran deep into the forest, the color of the trees was warm, Some of the trees were so old that their trunks were so wide, most of the trees and rocks were even covered with moss, some trees were like skyscrapers of the glade, high, mighty and proud, and some were young and looked friendly, and the leaves rustled as the wind danced around them. You could barely see the sky because of the shady glades and leafy canopies. They could hear singing jays, scampering hares, and scurrying squirrels. There were mushrooms of different colors growing on some of the tree trunks, some were vegetating on the ground, there were different berries in the bushes and the grass floor was almost covered with brown, green and red leaves and you can see nuts scattered here and there. It smelled of green grass and leaves, the peace of the forest was soothing and comforting. The twigs crunched under their feet as they walked and then they heard someone.

"Nissa!"

"Nissa! Where are you?!"

It was Kalen Maurelle.

"Psst," Matilda called him.

Kalen Maurelle was surprised, a shot of arrow flew past Matilda's face directly puncturing a tree.

"Woah!" Lupus grinning wildly. " Nice shot bruh!"

Matilda glowered at his brother and then to Kalen.

"Wtf was that man.?" Matilda

"Sorry, I was startled..." Kalen replied.

"Pfff, Oh please you wanted to show off..." Matilda exclaimed.

"No..." He soundly confessed, then followed with..." well, yes, actually I was." then half smiled.

"What are you doing here?" Kalen asked.

"Prolly the same as you, were you looking for your sister, we heard you call her name out?" Lupus inquired.

"Yeah, mum, and dad are in the hospital, and I'm in charge of Nissa. and she's been missing since this afternoon"

"Do you have some clothes of her.?" Matilda asked.

"Well no, it's in the house. but I do have this?" Kalen showed Nissa's doll then Kalen handed the doll to them.

Matilda and Lupus looked at each other for a few seconds.

can you turn around please? Lupus asked.

Matilda could've easily stopped time but they already realized Kalen was also magical so she didn't bother.

"Why?" Kalen replied in confusion.

"Never mind." Lupus smelled the doll.

Kalen laughed, "What are you guys, some sort of dogs?."

"None of your business actually, " paused and continued "But he is." Matilda referring to Lupus.

"This way," Lupus said as Matilda and Lupus walked further ahead of him.

Kalen laughed and thought it was a joke.

Then slowly came to a realization the way little red riding hood had found out about the wolf, as he watched the children in front of him, It's as if he came to see them clearly for the first time. Everything about them was off. They just evaded an arrow that almost no one would normally miss, Their black clothes and ashy white skin. Their super dark hair was in contrast to the trees. They did not look normal at all. He had his hunch before but the warmth of the forest compared to their skin was like a revelation, There was a faint whisper of "careful. careful. careful." as

if the trees were talking and whispering something to him.

"Wait... you're the family of hybrids* the Huldufólk* and Maskas* have been murmuring about.?" Kalen began to raise his arrows and pointed it at them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

*Huldufólk - Hidden People. (usually elves, dwarves etc.,)

*Maskas - short for Magiske Skapninger which means Magical creatures including Wizards, Sorcerers, Witches, Magis, Healers, Warriors, Dragon riders etc., they used creatures instead of beings because the European school is much more accepting of equality between creatures and beings.

*Hybrids - Mixed Race, of any kind.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Matilda and Lupus both stopped as they heard the string of the bow, being stretched.

They both looked back and Kalen's arrow was pointed right at them.

"You wouldn't wanna do that?" Lupus grinned and warned.

"Did you eat my sister?!"Kalen beseeched.

"You're not very smart are you?" Matilda calmly replied.

"Would we be helping you, if we ate her?" She knocked some sense into him.

"I dunno, maybe you are just luring me and want to eat me too," Kalen replied.

"Enough of this," Matilda said as she stopped time and took the bow from Kalen. She was surprised at how heavy it was. She looked at Kalen, Mildly impressed then looked at the bow for a few seconds, it had an intricate pattern carved beautifully on the bow. It was too heavy so,

she dropped it on the floor when she came back to her position, after which she unfroze time.

Kalen was surprised and looked at his bow beside her. Thinking if there was time to grab it and fight, but Matilda spoke,

"If we wanted to eat you, it would have been done by now."

"Best we move along if you want to save your sister." Lupus confided.

"What do you mean?" Kalen picked up his bow and realized they were right.

"Someones been murdering in this area," Lupus retorted as they continue to walk.

"So what are you?" Matilda coaxed.

"I asked first." Kalen shot back. Kalen was 16 and towered over them, he had long blonde hair, he looked a bit different today since he had his hair in a ponytail and braids and the sides of his head was shaved.

He wore something different today, A cottony moss green shirt inside, dark green coat, dark shorts, and Chuck Taylors sneakers.

"We're many things," Matilda replied mysteriously.

"So your Elves? I reckon with your pointy ears, Plus you said Hulderfolks" Lupus asked.

Kalen touched his ear forgetting his hair was tied up. "I guess we are," Kalen answered.

"Has your family been here long?" Matilda Interested in how old their magic was.

"Mother and father wander for a few years to different towns so we can, help people."

"We've never been in trouble before, this is the first time, well the second time, I hope Nissa is alright."

"I didn't mean in this town," Matilda replied.

"Oh. that's pretty personal. but I will say they have been here long, but my sister and I are new. and you?."

"Same as you," Matilda answered.

"You said the second time, what happened to the first time?" Lupus asked.

"Ah some trouble with trolls, but I managed it." Kalen confided.

"By managed, does that mean ran away?" Lupus jested.

Kalen smirked and replied, "Yes, that and many other things."

"So, you guys are hybrids? how does that work? I'd Imagine that you know, you'd come out as some sort of monsters, no offense. I'm just basing on what I hear."

"Actually we are," Matilda replied.

"No, I mean like physically..." Kalen paused and thought before he spoke: " wait, are you?" Kalen was curious.

Matilda and Lupus looked at each other and smirked.

"Since you're that curious, I'm a werewolf. She's... how can I say this without getting hit in the head?"

Matilda rolled her eyes.

"She's a witch I guess, but as you've said were hybrids, she also has wings. so maybe she's some sort of other thing." Lupus confessed.

"Enough Lupus. TMI." Matilda chided.

"How does that work?" Kalen confused.

"Our Family said we have Dragons blood and God blood, long long time ago, which makes an abomination unlikely, even though we also have some Fallen angel blood, angel blood, fairy blood, demon blood, witch

blood, wolf blood and a bunch of other things, Dragon Blood resists any kind of Bad Magic towards them and well God blood has too much magic in it, instead of our DNA binding and making abominations, It

chooses the most dominant DNA and thats what we come out of as. My Grandpa's a soldier but he's also a scientist, he also found that out through our DNA and a bunch of other things that and I mostly don't understand, but were still monsters, just not the kind you were thinking of."

"Lupus! have you had your fun? will you please shut up!" Matilda commanded.

"I imagine you are grandpas favorite..." Kalen told Lupus.

"You know it..." Lupus retorted as he laughed with Kalen, while Matilda scowled at them.

They wandered deeper and deeper into the forest, The trees became thicker and thicker, Matilda noticed it became more mystical, They saw vines that hung from the trees, they were thick and lush like majestic

beautiful goddess hair, there were also different kinds of flower that grew even though they were out of season, it grew on the ground, the trees, and the bushes.

There were pink, purple and white peonies, snapdragons, hyacinths that looked liked nosy neighbors growing everywhere. A little up ahead there were thin white trees covered in moss, that were linked together as if it was friends up in arms and served as a fence in an average-sized arena. In the middle of the circle, there was an archway of green and plum-colored vines linked together, as well as pink, purple and white wisterias falling like rain from the archway and a pathway of leaves and fallen petals.

Suddenly everything felt weird Matilda felt sleepy, Lupus and Kalen were also rubbing they're eyes and yawning, she came back to herself when she realized what was happening.

She looked just a little far right the trees linked together, she thought that they were just bushes and flowers but now she had a closer look there was a bunch of Lavenders, Valerian, Gardenias, Jasmine, Sages, California poppies, Golden pothos, Tahoe OG Kush, Grandaddy Purple, Skywalker, Gods gift, Afghan kush, Northern lights, Ogre, Querkle, Big bud and 9-pound hammer growing around the trees and was emitting some sort of mist.

Her eyes grew wide. "cover your nose." Matilda warned,

"Why?" Kalen replied.

"Those flowers and bushes are enchanted, and it'll make you fall asleep."

Matilda knew those flowers because she has been studying it with Aunt Philomena, she is particularly fond of these plants because she likes the fact that you can make sleeping potions out of them or brownies,

sleeping brownies were the best.

They covered their nose with their shirts. Kalen covered his nose with a handkerchief.

Matilda pulled out a black wand while making swirls. "Ne protejeaza"

"What was that?" Kalen asked.

"Protection spell, against those flowers. If the mist sinks in our skin, the handkerchief won't do any good, just think of it as a preventative measure. but you can remove it now."

"Oh!" Kalen replied.

"Sssh!" Lupus motioned everyone to be quiet, "were near." Lupus huddled them behind a tree.

"If we come across a monster, You shoot it and I'll rip it apart. ok?" Lupus commanded.

"OK.?" Kalen replied, although he was confused, he was more concerned about getting his sister because if they missed his arrow, he trusted that these two kids will be able to help him.

Matilda gave them a condescending look.

"If we see Nissa, she is the priority?. we grab her, and then all of you come near me and hold on to me, we'll fly, out of here."

"Oh my God, Matilda! you're such a pussy!" whispered Lupus patronizingly.

"I say we kill that monster!" Lupus whispered in excitement.

"You idiot! by this time it ate a lot of humans already?" Matilda argued.

"So?" Lupus looked confused and Kalen looked worried.

"If it ate a lot, then, it'll probably be super powerful by now," Matilda explained.

"Will you two idiots stop fighting! my sister might be in danger." Kalen protested.

They hear subdued eating sounds.

Subsequently, while they were talking they hear a buzzing sound in their ear, It was the sound of pixie wings flapping. Small lithesome creatures were listening to them and two was incredibly near them

huddled as if they were also friends, and a dozen were flying around them.

As Kalen turned around,

one was looking straight at him, suddenly, It punched him in the eye.

"Oww!" Kalen exclaimed.

The Pixies grabbed on to Lupus hair and bit Lupus arms and feet. "ow!"ow! ow!" Lupus bellowed in pain.

"Shit!" Matilda muttered in surprise but before she could nab her wand or freeze them, a few Pixies

grabbed both her feet which quickly knocked her off while the Pixies grappled onto her hands, she fell

headfirst and slammed on an old tree trunk so she passed out for a few seconds.

Kalen tried to use his arrow, but to no avail, since the other pixies were biting him, grabbing his hair,

and he was only using one of his eyes. As he tried to shoot one of the Pixies, the pixie saw the arrow catapulted to it in slow motion and was able to evade quickly. It saw the arrow puncture the tree, and its eyes became googly-eyed out of fear, then it glared at Kalen as it felt anger, after which a small faint sound of scream can be heard "aaaaaaaaaah!" as it charged against Kalen, which made Kalen slowly fall on his back.

"Ouch," Kalen groaned.

"Damnit.!" Lupus was now scowling out of rage, his eyes blackened and small black veins started to appear next to his eyes and his hands slowly turned black as if it was watercolor paint spreading on paper, crawling in his skin. His fingers darkened as claws started to erupt in each one.

Suddenly he was faster and grabbed one of the pixies that were grappling his hair, he threw it and it slammed in one of the trees, Green blood splattered all over. He snatched another one that was biting his arms, then he grabbed another and another, and one by one they were flung across the trees and on the ground, with such force that as they slammed, It chipped the tree trunks and made a faint snapping sound and their green bluish blood splattered everywhere, as they hit the trees and the floor, soon enough he got so pissed that he bit one pixie which cut it in half.

"Huh!!!!!!" a faint conjoined gasp from the pixies can be heard, as they looked at the remaining half of the pixie that Lupus was holding on to his hand.

Lupus bellowed in his demon voice "Ugh vegetables! ew!" and threw half of what's left of the pixie on the ground.

"Matilda!" Lupus boomed with his demon voice to wake up Matilda.

The pixie started to panic and fly in different directions and started to fly away, but by this time Matilda woke up from passing out, she was clutching her head because it was in pain and was still half asleep but she grabbed her black wand from inside her coat pocket and pointed upwards in the air.

"Akinitopoió"*

====================================

*The immobilus charm in another language. if you are not learned from school, the language of magic is different from school versus passed down magic, or the same if it came from the same source. and of course preference.

pronounced

/aki-ni-to-pi-yo/

===================================

The pixies floated in the air immobile, their eyes were still blinking

and everything seemed to slow down.

Then she used her hands to cast another spell "Somno!"

and then all the pixies fell on the ground sleeping.

Lupus was breathing heavily and was calming himself down.

His eyes were still all black but the black veins and his claws started to disappear as he calmed himself down.

While Kalen was just looking at them sitting on the ground and

said, "what the fuuuuuuuucccck.?"

Scene 15

Myrka was eating what's left of the man that she had captured.

And was so engulfed with devouring the man, that she didn't notice the noise around her, but it was barely audible from where she was.

Nissa was asleep under a huge old Myrkwood tree. There were big and small vines, Several which looked like they were hairs that kissed the ground.

There were white trees linked together that surrounded the place, everything was covered in moss and flowers and the huge Myrkwood tree looked as if it was a natural altar, she heard a faint noise from behind her but saw nothing. So she came back to what she was doing.

It was Kalen, Matilda, and Lupus that made the noise; they were not too near but not too far from Myrka. Kalen saw what she was doing to the human and saw her sister. He was worried and jumped in anger and was about to storm the place, but Matilda stopped him.

"Kalen. look..." They were whispering

She pointed at medium-sized rocks surrounding the place, They were rocks that had runes written on them.

"What does it say?" Lupus asked.

"It's not witches rune, so I don't know?" Matilda replied.

"It's High elven..." Kalen replied, my elfen is not good.

but if I'm right it says." Kalen tries to read it slowly " None shall pass. lest blood of kings and queens be lost, thine shield will yield when the runes are cast."

"There are four High elven runes that are not transliterated I am not good with mixed runes. I don't know what it says." Kalen said.

Then Matilda looked closely. " There is a protection spell cast here. I can see the thin film. It might alert her if we just storm in."

"So?" Lupus remarked

"So we don't know what she can do. If it alerts her she might take Nissa away quickly, and she's too far, we also don't know if it will let us in. If she sees us and were not able to come in, Nissa will be in trouble."

"I also can't fly because we don't know how high the protection spell is."

"We need Elders," Matilda replied.

"Someone needs to stay here with Nissa."

"If we text them, It will take time before they find us, better I Go." Lupus volunteered.

"No. you're too slow."

"Where are your parents again.?" Matilda asked Kalen.

" If I find them will they be able to help us?"

"Yes! they are at the Alston hospital" Kalen replied.

"You guys stay here, I'll fly to mum and dad and your parents."

"she'll see you if you fly you, idiot! its broad fucking daylight."

"Wait." Matilda saw some flowers moving inside. She tried to stop time for a few seconds and it worked.

"Okay. I can stop the time for a few seconds if she tries to hurt Nissa."

Matilda stated.

"I knew you guys were hybrids but not to this extent," Kalen mentioned in amazement.

"Says the boy who is probably pureblood, which means incest right?." Lupus remarked.

"Were not incest!. why do people always say that! we just don't marry off other kinds, because it's not allowed." Kalen defended.

" Ugh, you elves are weird. Ya'll look alike." Lupus mentioned.

"Omg! will you guys shut up!" Matilda exclaimed "Can we please focus on to more important things. Okay, New Plan, Lupus I'll pm Mum and Dad, meet them at the forest entrance. Kalen, PM and find your Mom and your dad, then meet Lupus on the forest entrance. understood?"

The two nodded their head twice.

"Now, Go!" Matilda said.

Before he left, Kalen looked back, "Matilda... Guard her with your life."

"Sure, but you owe me." Matilda declared.

Kalen nodded and then left with Lupus.

Lupus and Kalen silently walked away and as soon as they were far enough, Lupus ran as fast as he could,

and Kalen headed to meet his parents.

Meanwhile.

Matilda sent her Mum a message.

Matilda: Mum, Nissa is in Danger, meet Lupus at the Forest entrance.

Scene 16

We then zoom into Myrka, she was preoccupied with eating the man. As she was eating, her hollow back started closing, slowly, first the blood and muscles melded with each other then the flesh started to bond, after which her skin started to look younger, then the wrinkles on her skin seemed to fade. Her skin was firmer, tighter and her breast lifted as if it were pulled up by an imaginary string, her face and hands were filled with blood and looked softer and warmer, she licked her lips of the remaining blood, it was not enough. Slowly She felt the skin on her back detaching, not as hollow as before but there were still hollows that can be seen and a few of her wrinkles came back, she touched her face and felt it and was extremely unsatisfied, the man was not enough she grew angry and she screamed!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Frustrated, She threw the already flailing body against the trees. "Pesky human!"

she looked up to where the child was.

she stood up.

She started smirking.

She reached out for Nissa. She touched her cheeks,

"You'll make me very pretty, honey, boop!" while she touched Nissa's nose with her forefinger, and then she opened her mouth and it became bigger, It was so big, a watermelon can fit right in and her teeth grew fangs, a hundred pointy things all to devour one little child, but just as she was about to reach and bite Nissa...

"Oh! No, You don't" Matilda stopped time.

Matilda breathed heavily she knew she was not supposed to yet, because there were no elders, but she had no choice.

She held Myrka on her left hands.

and tried to slam her palms forcefully and angrily on the barrier using her right hand just trying to destroy it.

but it did nothing. They stayed like that for a few minutes, but her hand was getting tired of staying in that same position. Holding on to time was also heavy, it felt as if you were carrying something, the longer it went.

She breathed heavily, she couldn't hold on to time that much longer.

Scene 17

Kalen and Lupus were already at the forest entrance.

"My parents aren't responding..." Lupus informed Kalen.

At home.

Morganas Phone and Mr. Strange Phone were both in silent mode in the table and a little off ahead, you can see movement and giggling on the bed.

*Narrator winks*

They were both very very very busy.

"I have to go get them..." Lupus said

"I understand, Mine as well, I have to find them too." Kalen disclosed, "Let's just meet there, at whatever that place is.

"Okay." Lupus replied

"And Hurry," Kalen asked.

They both ran.

Lupus tried to call Aunt Philomena on her Phone.

"Yoohoo!" Mena answered.

"Oh my god!' where are you guys? I've been trying to call you so hard!"

"Why?" Mena asked.

"Look, remember Nissa, the neighbors' daughter? She's in danger. She's about to be eaten by a creature, I'm coming, look for Mum and pops."

"Oh my, okay." Philomena worried then ran upstairs.

Mena heard giggling sounds and rolled her eyes, then knocked very loudly.

"Uh, guys!"

Morgana heard the knock "What?"

"Ugh! I thought you might want to know, your children along with the neighbor's children are in danger."

"Oh." Morgana sighed as she was being nuzzled by Mr. Strange. " We best get dressed then.

"Well be right down."

Morgana called to her Husband...

Scene 18

Myrka was freed from being frozen

she stretched a little bit and smiled at Matilda.

"Well, well, well if it isn't little Matilda Strange. So what are you?" Myrka was pensive for a few seconds.

"That's really none of your business." Matilda snatched back.

"Oooh... You know what, you look a little freakier than I am, I bet you want a little taste of this child as well..." Myrka tried to reach out and touch the child's cheek, but before she could.

*Slam!* The sound of Myrka's body, slamming into one of the elder trees resounded as she was flung by an unseen force, this made the trees shake, It made the leaves of the trees rustle which made the birds fly.

Myrka quickly fell on her butt and was discombobulated for a few seconds.

"Ugh! what is your problem!" Myrka screamed and fumed.

"Best stay the fuck away from her," Matilda warned.

"Oooh you and your potty mouth, but how long can you do that to me really, you can't even get inside. especially when you're busy."

Matilda confused.

"Viens mekare," Myrka whispered.

As she said this, white tree looking creatures same as the color of the trees with long thick spear-like branches materialized out of the trees as if they were melded there for a long time and just came out from a long sleep, some were shaped like men and some were shaped like women they moved slowly but violently.

Matilda tried to evade them but some had vines and tried to catch her feet until she can no longer move.

four tree creature seemed to enclose on her.

Their vines wrapped around her tiny hands ...then it crawled on her tiny legs quickly wrapping itself tightly, squeezing her tiny body. Everything happened so quickly.

Then *rip!,* with its thick needle-like branch one of three creatures stabbed Matilda on her shoulder with so much force, that it created a hole over her shoulder.

She saw the wounds with her eyes and felt it quickly.

she screamed out of pain. *AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!* she bled profusely and then she started breathing heavily.

It had struck her so hard that her eyes were enveloped by darkness immediately.

her forehead wrinkled, out of anguish and exasperation she moved her head from left to right and it emitted so much force that the tree person that stabbed her snapped its head instantly and was hurled away from her and as its needle-like hand was removed from matildas shoulder...

and it seared so she shrieked out of distress! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" and with her scream, a force so strong came out of her that everyone around her was propelled away from her; the tree creature were all hurled on the invisible wall including Myrka, she was lobbed against the wall so intensely that she had to get a hold of herself, otherwise she would've fallen asleep with the blow.

She scowled at the girl in front of her, Matilda was worn out.

but she was more than anything, worried, the girl in front of her was not to be taken lightly.

Matilda knelt on the ground, she was exhausted and bleeding, she was bleeding heavily but more than anything pissed beyond belief at how exhausted she was, she palmed the ground for support, she rested for a few seconds.

Myrka felt elated for a few seconds as she has not seen anything like this in a long time, she wanted to fight her, but she wanted to live more, so she made her way to the child, again.

"Don't you touch her bitch!" Matilda warned with her demon-like voice, aggravated.

She raised her hand as if cupping Myrkas neck and raised her from the ground to strangle her using only dark magic, Myrka couldn't breathe, she kept coughing and gasping for air.

Myrka's hand was free and was able to move it and with just a flick of the finger, a tree creature materialized out of the tree, his hands formed a sharp needle looking branch it was suspended in the air for a few seconds then like a bullet, with force it accelerated towards Matilda's direction and stabbed her, puncturing her left shoulder again and it grabbed hold of her, which set Myrka free from the invisible force holding her.

And from outside Matilda got agitated out of pain, and acted swiftly, she used her hands in the air in front of the tree creature, as if mangling something and her dark magic shredded it apart.

Then when she was done she pounded on the invisible wall, using her hands as she wailed out of rage.

but it was to no avail.

Myrka just almost gasping was laughing realizing she cannot get in.

Now this time she pounded it with dark magic and the walls shook and everything around it shook.

She pounded and pounded and everything shook as if she was a wolf blowing the little piggies house down.

But the wall was strong, it was bound by runes.

When she got so agitated she howled and then stared at the wall for a few seconds and then made a decision.

She started chanting a spell.

And was whispering words.

She cupped her hand together and it was dark electricity first and then it was black fire and smoke and it formed a black orb, at first it was just as small as an apple but as she started chanting it became bigger

and bigger.

It was dark old magic.

And it consumed her already black eyes and spread black ink across her face.

and the darkness in her hands spread until her hands was black, it spread like black watercolor and water spilled on paper, crawling in her arms and clothes and the orb got bigger...

nox atra

quod sanguis ac tenebras

ignis inferis

formam mearum

Conteret me

quos superposuit basibus

et stellarum lapsus

Sol ardentior

and bigger ...

nox atra

quod sanguis ac tenebras

ignis inferis

exitio mundos

unde non stabit

And bigger...

She was calling on the power of the Lord of Nightmares, it was some, old magic, that she came upon reading, but one that requires too much. That if you cannot handle it, it will devour you, this was a sacrifice.

It was not about saving the girl anymore, her ego was bruised and she was pissed.

As she chanted the black orb got bigger and bigger and heavier and heavier, and every time she chanted the wind blew harder, every time it grew bigger it emitted a force so heavy It was destroying the ground beneath her, the ground shook, and surface of the earth around her started detaching in small portions and the wind pushed back everything that surrounded her, the strong wind encircled her and dark cloud formed above the sky and loud thunder started to ring.

And every time she chanted It seemed a little bit of her disappeared

until she was no longer there, but something older in her was chanting,,,

Exitio mundos

Unde non stabit

Something more ancient.

When suddenly someone called her.

"Matilda!"

Morgana had called her.

The wind blew strongly and it seemed as if there was a storm in the forest.

Behind Morgana was Mortimer, Lupus, Kalen and his family.

Mena fortunately was able to get a hold of Kalens parents.

Kalen was pointing an arrow at Myrka. His Bow was shining through the darkness.

"Don't you dare move!" Kalen warned Myrka.

"That won't pull through" Myrka proudly voiced out.

"Would you like to bet?" Kalen asserted, his hair blowing in the wind,

Kalen's Father calmly worded, "Skogsvänner

innehålla henne."

Four Tree creatures then materialized out of the trees, but this time they had leaf hair and its human-like features were more defined.

They surrounded Myrka, Myrka tried to fight but before she could do anything, they had covered her mouth and its branch and vines wrapped around her face, while two held her hands and suddenly vines and branches with leaves came out of the earth and wrapped around her feet.

And two tree creatures came to guard Nissa.

Kalen's mother cut her hands and bled it in the runes and she read the runes.

"Edr- hi ambar edr- hi fen edr- hi coe edr- hi fen -iya tari can ldë..."

As the blood dripped on the runes, it glowed an illuminating blue and the invisible walls were no more.

Kalen came to her sister and his Father carried her away.

Meanwhile

Mathilda was not her self anymore and was not responding to her mother.

"Dear, would you be so kind as to hand me that ball."

Morgana was reaching her hand out to Mathilda.

But by that time the black orb was so big, that it was bigger than a car, its force was so powerful that violent hot winds surrounded it.

She was staring blankly at Morgana.

Her father said "Dear give your mother the ball.

"Come now be a nice little girl." Her Mother told her warmly,

Her mother's smile was nice and welcoming.

"Should we help them?" Kalen asked

"No, it is dangerous..." Mortimer signaled The Maurelles to move back.

"Mathilda," Lupus called her, " Give mom the ball,"

She tilted her head to the side, curious as to what was happening.

"Why would I do that?" with a demon voice.

"We'll, let you eat that Pretty little woman at the back if you give us the ball." Her mother bribed.

She looked back and saw the woman and It angered her more and the orb seemed to grow bigger.

"Mathilda! Mathilda! come now?," Morgana distracting her, Then she looked at her husband for a few seconds to signal him to catch her.

"Tu lassus, somnolentus tu non es.." Morgana reached out her hand then there were small orbs that flew to Matilda and as it reached her skin it made her sleepy.

"You are tired, You are sleepy. Love..." her Mother told her.

"Tu lassus, somnolentus estis vos...."

Matilda felt sleepy, she was closing her eyes but was still holding the orb.

Morganna called a chant, and Golden lit words enveloped her face, hands, and arms.

"ut terra alliges duplicia vos

et vestra essentia dispergat in tenues caeli"

Then a big golden bubble of gold orbs enveloped the black orb.

Matildas eyes already closed because of the spell, then she fell, she let go of the orb but thankfully they all have inhuman speed, Mortimer Caught her, while Morgana caught the orb, she held it in her hands but it was too heavy, a small lacerations started to form on her face and her hands and clothes,

something her husband has not seen in a long time

"Morgana?!" he uttered in concern as if to ask if she's okay.

"Leave me be." She commanded.

She grabbed a black wand inside her coat pocket, this was the first time in a few hundred years, he saw her use it.

Mortimer was worried but trusted her well enough to know that this was just a hiccup.

she pointed it to the black orb.

"Dispersio."

The black orb exploded violently into small tiny black flecks but luckily it was contained in the golden orb that Morgana used to bind it but there was still force and impact, it had wounded her and made some fresh wounds and scratches ripping the flesh on her face and hand, and her wounds bled, and it also catapulted everyone and everything from afar.

Except for Mr. Strange, that was able to turn his back but, he felt the impact on his back, Lupus was thrown into a three but had quick reflexes and was able to hold on to the three, and hid behind it, luckily the Maurelles were far back and were hiding behind an old tree, but they felt the force like strong hot wind passing through them, some of the trees were shaken and wounding its trunks, burning some of the leaves, shaking everything even the rocks that were perfectly still rolled around as if it was as light as a pebble.

Slowly the tiny orbs disappeared.

Morgana was gasping for breath, it made her tired, but her wounds started to heal but the blood dried up, Mortimer checked Matilda and laid her on the ground and seeing she was breathing and her eyes started to open, smiled and scratched her cheek, then made a faint grin chuckle "You'll do fine."

Although Matilda was bleeding profusely it didn't bother, Mr. Strange since it was family blood, family blood gave off a different smell, it was like smelling his own blood, which did not hunger him, he looked back and her wife was tired but smiling, and then he came to her aid.

He was slightly worried, but she trusted that she was okay, his action showed more of a sweet gesture for her "Are you okay?" he asked, and touched his cheek,

"Of course." Morgana Smiled. "Always."

"Your hair." Some of Morgana's hair specifically the front sides changed into white.

"Oh look at that, new hairstyle." Morgana retorted.

Then he hugged her.

"Ew, disgusting... get a room" Matilda cracked.

Lupus also making a gross face.

Then making a painful groan, as her wounds started closing slowly.

It was healing slowly, so Mr. Strange made her way to Matilda and He bit his wrist, and it punctured his skin, blood was on his mouth, and now gushing from his wrist, he let the blood drip on Matildas shoulders where the punctured wound was, and it started healing faster, until there was only dried blood left.

Her body wasn't fully recovered, not from the wounds from the tree creatures, but the from the fire of the lord of nightmares, it was a different kind of magic, old magic, it stayed on your skin for a long time, and it was searing, had they been ordinary people, the wound would've stayed for months, or even caused death, but since they were not ordinary at all, It only left pain, the kind of body ache that you get from fever. Matilda had it all over, her body, Morgana felt it more so, and Mortimer, felt it in his back.

It left a very dark feeling for everyone.

They heard a muffled sound, it was Myrka Drummond scarred and wounded from the impact, was trying to fidget her way out of the tree people, the tree people had empty wooden faces but even they were annoyed and tried to restrain her.

The look of annoyance in her eyes was so evident.

"What should we do with her?" Mortimer asked Morgana.

"We will deal with her in our council, "Alfrigg Maurelle declared.

tagging along with his family behind him.

"I say we kill her..."Lupus voiced out.

"Lupus... mind your manners..." Mortimer instructed.

Then lupus made a sad face and hugged her mum from behind.

"Are you okay, mummy?"

"Yes, I am love.." Morgana replied cupping his chin.

Elga Maurelle kneeled, next to Matilda, teary-eyed, "You, our family, owes you a huge debt of gratitude, you have saved our daughter, I would not have known what I would have done if anything were to happen to her. Thank you, she planted a kiss on Matildas, forehead.

Although annoyed she made a weird face, but when Elga looked at her she just smiled awkwardly, as if to say, no problem.

Then she looked back at Kalen. "Oy, you heard that you owe me, making a mischievous face. hehehe."

Then everyone smiled.

"Yeah, yeah..."

Then Alfrigg spoke," Your family is always welcome in our house if you need shelter, it is yours. If you need any help, then we will aid you. This is our oath to you."

"Are you sure? we take oaths very seriously, It may not always be of a friendly favor?." Morgana quipped, but deep inside everyone knew she was serious, The Strange, always takes oaths and agreement seriously, it is because they know that allies are important, they know that in the art of war, you cannot win things on your own. They knew that although they are a strong family, there is always strength in numbers, but most importantly honest connections are very important.

Allies that can be trusted, are people that can save your life, this was not a war, but they have been through many things, that they understood the power of one oath and that there is power in a loving coven, strength in a clan of vampires that treated each other like family, and that a pack of wolves can accomplish many things if they trusted each other.

Alfrigg noticed the weight of the question and looked back at her wife. and her wife agreed without question.

"Yes, this is a promise. No, a pact." He handed out his hand.

And Mortimer Strange shook it and looked at Alfrigg in agreement.

"We would also be grateful if you would not mention us in whatever council, your going to." Mortimer asserted.

"Of course... your family will be kept a secret if you wish."

"Thank you," Mortimer replied.

"No, Thank you..." Elga uttered while looking at Mr. Strange and Mrs. Strange. Elga hugged, Mrs. Strange.

There was a brief silence then Nissa woke up.

"Mummy, where are we?"

Scene 19

Mr. Strange and Mrs. Strange were seated at the dining table, Mr. Strange reading a newspaper while Mrs. strange was reading a book.

Lupus was eating his steak and Sullivan was serving more food. Footsteps were heard going down the stairs.

It was Matilda, she was still feeling a bit weak,

"Took you long enough.."

"How long was I sleeping?" Matilda asked.

"3 days you idiot hahahaha" Lupus quipped.

Lupus and the twins laughed.

"Why are you laughing?" Matilda asked this is when her mother looked up, "You seem to have something on your face dear."

Matilda disappeared for a few seconds to look at her face in the mirror and found that there were things drawn on her face, one of them was a mustache.

"Lupuuuus! You're dead!!!!!!"

Then ran after Lupus and tried to strangle Lupus, Mrs. Strange then waved her finger.

"Ah, ah, ah." as if to say no.

Matilda was now floating immobile in the air, as if there were no gravity while she tried to reach for Lupus, "Mum, ah!?" she violently opposed.

"Take your crystal baths first, to cleanse yourself of magic, its already prepared for you in your tub," Morgana was now controlling her and she was now floating back upstairs."

To which Lupus teased her more, "See you later Matilda.. if you can fiiiind meee hahahahaha" Lupus laughed.

Matilda grew angrier "Argh!!!!!"

"Lupus! stop it," Morgana ordered.

Then lupus made a face.

Then Matilda stopped moving mid-air

"Morgana walked in front of the stairs removed her glasses and Matilda now floating, and was upside down, playing with her positions.

"Yes, mum.?"

"You must not do that again.?" And she looked at her sternly waiting for an answer.

"I'm sorry."

"Good, now take your bath."

"What happened to Myrka.?" Matilda asked in a serious tone.

"According to Elga, She will be put to death.

"Because she ate people?."

"That and she was not too careful, that it risked the community being discovered."

"I reckon her family is pissed, but they don't know it was us. if they found out..."

Mortimer raised his eyes from his newspaper.

"Take your bath Matilda, your mother already took care of that,"

Morgana made an I told you face.

and Matilda continued floating upstairs.

Scene 20

Matilda was now taking her bath, and playing with bubbles, glowing crystals were submerged in the water, she had her headset on and was listening to metal music but was pensive.

a vinyl record was playing in the background.

The family hung out at the dining table and then after eating, Lupus declared "Going out..."

The twins started to crawl out of their chairs and play.

Sullivan was in his room, bobbing his head to the vinyl record.

Mena, was brushing her hair and looking in the mirror.

Scene 21

Meanwhile.

An extremely large hall made of grey walls, huge stained glass windows with colorful designs of elves and their history surrounded the place, it looked ethereal and the light was passing through the windows and reflecting on everything, gold accents can be seen on each of the corners supporting the high court table for the council. In each corners, there were trees, old trees, and butterflies thats seem to support the corners of the hall. This council was not the end-all and be-all, it was only the council for elves and fairies and forest creatures.

There were four very serious people sitting there, they did not look young or old, they looked wise beyond their years, they had white-bluish hair because of the reflection of the window very soft and delicate features for the ladies and strong sharp handsome features for the men, one of them was wearing a gold crown.

"Myrka Drummond...-o in huldra lie"

/*Myrka Drummond of the huldra race*/

Myrka sitting in the middle, hands bound by leaves and vines as well as feet, she was heavily guarded by tree creatures. however something was different about her, her mouth was stitched together and she tried to speak but she couldn't.

Alfriggs and Elga Maurelle a little bit far off behind her.

The head council started speaking.

"-lda crumguru -o matië firya a yo raxe -Ima mar -o návë túvima

*be na i sanyë carina bui mín núr a exa onna cin indo n- manda vanda host ennin. "

=================================================

You are guilty of eating humans

and risk our world being discovered,

In accordance to the laws made by our race and other creatures you will be imprisoned for 100 years.*

================================================

Myrkas muffled screamed can be heard, as she tried to escape from her restraints.

While the Maurelles looked at each other in shock.

"The Strange will not like, this..."

The Maurelles, although pained, by what had happened were extremely forgiving creatures.

"Just by judging from the boy, we have to tell them differently, or they will hunt her..." Alfrigg informed his wife.

"nányë brigol na rac -ita estel.*" Elga confessed

/I am afraid to break their trust*/

"nalmë ala rac qe estel, rather it is a concern that they will be in danger, in case they tried to find her." Alfrigg disclosed.

/*we are not breaking any trust*/

"hanya*" Elga agreed.

Scene 22

===============================================

*Marius....*

He heard someone, a woman was calling her.

How strange, there was no one there.

Marius has just come out of the pub and finished a session of the night drinking, very heavy drinking.

He smelt of vodka and cigarette.

He already put out his keys and was on his way to his car, struggling to keep his balance, he was fidgeting with his keys and wanted to put it in the cars lock to open it, when a night patrol, appeared out of nowhere crossed his hands across his chest and menacingly looked at Marius, and said: "Are you really gonna do that you alkiz?"

So he put his keys back in his pants pocket, made an awkward smile, and continued walking.

Marius continued walking in the stony pathway that led to the forest, he thought, "Well there is a short cut, here..."

There was a short cut in a beaten-down path that he always takes in the morning when he comes home from work.

It's was a little bit darker today, but he was sure that he can find his way.

He was halfway through when someone started calling his name.

"MARIUUUSS..."

Her voice was gentle and sweet, he looked for it.

"Mariiuuuuus...."

It was enthralling and heavenly....

He started to walk deeper and deeper into the forest,

It was a beautiful woman, her skin was translucent rather glowing under the light of the moon ...

"Marius..."

Her voice was like butter sliding down his skin, he couldn't help but close his eyes, whenever she called on him.

She was beautiful.

That's all that he could think about.

gently she traced her fingers on his face.

she cupped his face and kissed his neck and by now Marius was just dying of euphoria, and then she bit his neck and ravaged it, until all the blood spurt and gushing vehemently out of his neck and then she punctured his stomach with her hands like knife cutting butter, gripping his guts and forcing it out of his body and right then, he lost his consciousness until he no longer can stand up on his own and was just bleeding profusely. He laid pallid and lifeless on the ground, her long brown hair gently falling on his skin as she continued to eat what was left of him. The hallow on her back started to close.

*We can hear subdued eating sounds in the background*

*mischievous rock music playing*

Scene 23

===============================================

"Mother?"

Matilda found her mother in the library, looking at a mirror and her right hand was glowing, yellow.

She watched, Myrka being judged.

"They aren't going to kill her?" Matilda asked.

"No. I don't think so."

"You implanted a tracking spell on Elga."

flashback to Elga hugging Morgana. Morgana has placed a very light tracking spell, her hands glowed yellow on Elgas back.

"Mother, you got to the forest real quick by teleporting.

how does one get that power again?"

Morgana felt the gravity of the question and looked down, for a few seconds, and then answered it.

"By birth or by sacrificing, something powerful."

She had understood, that it was not often that they can have this kind of opportunity, and that Matilda was going to try to do it on her own, and she would rather be there to guide her properly.

Myrka was trying to scream in her cell, her hands and feet were bounded, but it was all muffled since her mouth was stitched. She was crying and pissed and planning of all the bad things she was going to do to the Strange Family.

One grown-up feet showed out of nowhere.

There was some glowing blue light in the background.

Then another set of feet, much smaller settled on the floor.

"Hello, Myrka. The Elves have been nice to you.

Much too nice." Morgana muttered, she took a step back.

Myrka tried to scream and kneeled and begged as if to say no.

"Do it quickly."

Matilda circled around Myrka, and she followed her with her eyes, asking what are you doing? but she couldn't be heard nor understood.

she used her wand to form a Magic circle.

she whispered a chant.

"Gud ef gáttir

styrk ég

yfirferð

ég gef þér þetta tilboð"

Myrka kept crying. She was kneeling, and Matilda pulled her hair to make her kneel upright.

"Ssshh, Myrka, Everythings gonna be okay."

Then Matilda Slit Myrka's throat with an Athame.

She convulsed as the blood gushed out of her throat it spilled all over her clothes and she fell on the floor and the blood poured out even more as it made its way through the lines of the magic circle, it glowed blue and showed the sign of the sun, and moon a dodekagram with different symbols.

It glowed bright and summoned twelve portals.

She looked at Morgana.

"Close the portals," Morgana ordered.

As she waved her hands. It became much smaller ane became light blue orbs that went to her arms and then became symbols that lit up in light blue as it sunk on her skin and then disappeared.

Until each one is closed.

"Let's go home."

There was a blue portal, they both stepped inside.

Myrka's eyes were wide open, she was no longer convulsing, nor in pain.

There was only silence.

Preview for the next Chapter.

===============================================

We see Mena brushing her hair, in front of an old victorian vanity mirror in her room.

Her room was designed like she was living in the 1970s, mustard, navy colors and old rose in her bed pillows and cushions, and her furniture casings were of old antique brown wood.

Her eyes were empty, She seems different, strange, she wasn't herself, she was all made up, and brushing and brushing and brushing her hair and when she was done she placed her brush on the table and we pan in on her face and her eyes widened and she tried, to force a smile, a big eery demon smile, uncomfortable, big, and empty, it looks untrustworthy but most of all hungry.

* Mischievous rock music continues to play in the background*

*End Scene*

Artist Name Matilda Sparrow

The Strange Family Values The Fairy Eater by is licensed under a . Based on a work at . Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at .

#Matilda Sparrow #Strange Family Values #The Fairy Eater #Gothic #Macabre #Comedy

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wanna-17 · 7 years ago

Text

lai guanlin first meeting! AU

summary: in which you meet the new guy from taipei in your neighbourhood at the park playing basketball and you help him overcome his language barrier ft. seonho

length: 1.3k

a/n: i just saw wanna one yesterday at kcon and they are amazing. i have a fan account coming up soon basically i had hi touch with them (as well as monsta x, sf9, pentagon - i’ll explain why i got so many without spending any money) im also hardcore monobebe now rip me hyungwon was so smiley during hi touch omg and changkyun and kihyun are perfect. i wrote this a while ago lol so its not edited. but HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUANLIN (i told him this in chinese but no idea if he replied) im so hekjdqekjfheq post concert depression is peeking i stan all the groups that were at kcon now ;;; thats like 30 groups i stan in total now rip me

note: normal font is speaking in korean and italics is speaking in chinese

you’ve been living in seoul for 2 years already

you were born in australia and from there you had lived in hong kong and france

and hence you could speak 4 languages fluently; english, korean, chinese and french

your mum was chinese and your dad was half korean and half french

people were always in awe of how “cool” your ethnicity was and you definitely agreed it was unique

but you didn’t like how once you finally had settled into a new country, you’d have to move to another and try to adapt again

and it was also really easy to lose touch with the friends you’d made

anyways enough of that lmao

you are now living in the city of seoul in korea

and you were lucky that you fitted in quite well and your neighbour was yoo seonho who was probably the most outgoing kid ever who knew literally everyone

so he basically introduced you to everyone

he was one year younger than you but very smart so you guys were in the same grade

you two would often walk home together and crash each other’s houses to do homework together

anyways back on track AGAIN i need help lmao

it was almost the start of the new school year

and one week before school started again

you were collecting the mail from the letterbox when seonho happened to be heading out

he saw you and waved

“hey y/n!!!!!!”

you waved back “hey seonho”

“omg i almost forgot to ask you, do you wanna come to the park right now?”

“right now? why?” you asked

“you haven’t met the new guy here, lai guanlin right?” asked seonho as he pronounced lai guanlin with an awkward accent that was mixed with korean and chinese

“uhhh lai guanlin? that’s a chinese name” you replied

“yes yes stop showing off your chinese y/n” replied seonho rolling his eyes

you laughed, since seonho could only speak korean you sometimes taught him some chinese and he just sounded super funny whenever he spoke chinese

“well what about this lai guanlin dude?” you asked seonho going back on topic

“you have to meet him y/n, he’s from taiwan and he’ll be coming to our school” replied seonho

“oh thats nice,” you answered in a half hearted tone not really interested

“y/n!!!” whined seonho

“what”

“you have to meet him because he’s basically a super star and he’s playing basketball at the park today”

“a super star? what do you mean?”

“he’s super good looking”

you sighed seonho knew you liked any guy that was good looking even though nothing ever worked out between your previous crushes because they either were 1) taken or 2) had crappy personalities

he’d always try to matchmake you off lmao and you’d do the same to him

“how good looking is he?” you asked jokingly

“HES MORE HANDSOME THAN ME” said seonho proudly as he thumped his chest loudly

you scoffed, “whatever dude not interested” as you decided to head back inside to finish watching the new variety show you had started earlier that day

“no seriously, i even ship you guys already, he’s so good looking. i’ll shout you fried chicken tonight, that’s how desperate i am” said seonho

it was unusual for seonho to offer to shout you fried chicken so you reluctantly agreed and before you knew it, seonho was dragging you to the park and you couldn’t even change out of your trackies into something more presentable

you guys arrived at the park and before approaching the basketball courts, seonho first pulled you behind a tree

“seonho why the heck are we hiding behind a tree?” you asked sighing at seonho’s actions

“you need mental preparation beforehand because he’s really handsome, too hot for you to handle”

“pfffffttt”

“there he is! the tall one with black hair!” whispered seonho pointing towards the basketball courts, you rolled your eyes ready to be disappointed

seonho would always claim a guy was good looking and whenever you checked them out, they were just really average so you were literally only at the park for the free fried chicken shout afterwards

you turned around eyes following where seonho was pointing at and your brain froze

there playing basketball on the court was the most gorgeous guy you’d ever laid eyes on

his hair was a natural black colour, his body was lean and slightly muscular, he had pale skin that was literally glowing in the sunlight

he also had a slight dimple poking out on one side of his cheek when he smiled, nice lips, a high nose, and the way his beautiful eyes were determined yet mesmerising when shooting the ball in the hoop

you gawked at his handsomeness for a good minute same with seonho lmao this kid

before seonho nudged you, “see he’s good right?”

“yes” you reply immediately almost breathless as your breath was literally taken away by his beauty

but you thought of your previous good looking crushes and tried to come back to reality even though you could feel your heart racing

“nah but he probably has a crap personality, since all of the good looking guys do” you say

“no no he’s super down to earth, let me introduce you to him!” says seonho and before you get to reply

seonho is dragging you to the courts

“HEY GUANLIN” yells seonho

guanlin stops playing basketball and looks over at you guys while waving to seonho

you awkwardly look away feeling shy as he approached closer

“guanlin, this is y/n who i told you about and y/n this is guanlin the super star,” says seonho

“seriously seonho don’t call me that!” says guanlin as seonho laughed

you were once again mesmerised because guanlin’s voice was so nice, it was like mixture of deep but also sweet???

“what did you say about me seonho?” you mutter

“seonho said you were happy to tutor me korean if thats ok?” replies guanlin

“uh wait what” you say confused

“oh no it’s ok if you don’t want to i understand,” says guanlin quickly

“but you’d be happy to right?” chimes seonho mischievously

“seonho didn’t tell you that?” asks guanlin as he had paused to catch on with what seonho was saying

you shake your head

“seonho is such an idiot” says guanlin smiling widely revealing a gummy smile

which you literally found to be the cutest smile ever

“yep he’s the biggest idiot ever” you reply

“what did you say???” asks seonho confused looking between you two

you and guanlin laugh making eye contact

and you feel all warm and fuzzy inside kjahkdquhfqllqqhk

“don’t you worry” you reply chuckling at seonho

“well looks like you two can have your alone time since you don’t need me anymore” pouts seonho as you and guanlin start blushing heheheh

seonho steals the basketball guanlin is holding and runs off to the courts

and you feel your heart racing again because you’re now alone with guanlin even though seonho is really only 5 metres away lmao

you guys both feel the awkwardness but for some reason feel warm inside

and like guanlin is really tall so he’s sort of towering over you but it feels protective???

anyways you decide to muster up your courage and say, “well i can tutor you in korean, when should we start?” you ask

“really?? thank you so much y/n, i’m sorry this was unexpected and that seonho didn’t tell you” says guanlin

“that’s okay i’m happy to help you out!” you reply, blushing as you thought of tutoring such a handsome boy with such a great personality you were lowkey proud of yourself

“thanks again y/n,” says guanlin, smiling softly down at you, once again revealing his gummy smile, “i have my books here, can we start now?”

“sure” you nod happily in response

this school year was going to be different, a very nice different..

lmao little did you know that seonho had shown guanlin your picture and guanlin insisted seonho to get you to tutor him heheh

hope you guys enjoyed this, I LOVE WANNA ONE SOBS I HOPE YOU ALL GET TO MEET THEM LIKE I DID

#wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenario #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 imagines #lai guanlin scenarios #guanlin scenarios #lai guanlin imagine #lai guanlin scenario #p101 s2 #lai guanlin #guanlin #wanna one #produce 101 s2 #produce 101 season 2 #produce 101 scenario #produce 101 imagine

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babylon-bitch · 7 years ago

Text

I Got In ~ Just Friends (part 38)

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

Warnings literally nothing

***

It’s been a busy few weeks for everyone recently, the boy’s working on their debut album, Erika, Maddie, and I have been studying a lot. We haven’t really had the chance to all hang out, only briefly spoken in the group chat a couple of times a day. I’ve only seen Luke twice this week, and the others once. I’ve only seen Erika, we have a few classes together and we eat at lunch together. Maddie goes to a different school, so I’ve probably seen her the least.

We’ve been doing exams, luckily all exams have finished now, and boy that was a stressful 3 weeks. I got the letter for what university I’m gonna go to recently, but mum and dad said they wanted to keep it a surprise, until one random day. I got really salty because of that. I’m nervous and excited about university because I know it’s gonna tear Luke and I apart. I’m not gonna be one of those people that break up with him because I’m gonna be in a different country, I promised myself I wouldn’t do that. Anyway, all of the boys will be travelling around the world.

Whenever I think about it for too long, I get sad, because we’re all gonna drift apart, you can’t deny it. All gonna be in different timezones to talk, let alone see each other. Us girls will be too busy studying and all doing school stuff, whilst the boy’s are off touring, far too busy to do anything. This all makes me upset and frustrated.

But it’s life and I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I’ve currently got a free period and I’m in the school library, just studying until I get a text message from the group chat.

A: it’s break time at school right?

Me: no you idiot, but I’ve got a free period. I hope Erika is having fun in double maths…

L: what are you doing with your free period? You’re mean by the way.

Me: shut up. I’m making out with one of the jocks

L: like hell you are

Me: just kidding, I’m in the library, supposed to be studying

C: anyway… does anyone want to hang out after you guys finish school? I’ve been missing my girls :(

Maddie: I’m not sure if I have the time, I’ll see when school finishes, in a few hours. I think I’ve got badminton practice after school

Me: private school problems

Maddie: shut the fuck up Harper, at least I’m good at sports

Me: actually I’m really good at throwing things in people’s faces, especially bats and balls

M: you said balls

Me: why am I friends with you?

L: moving on… I’m in

A: all us boys are free this afternoon/evening it’s just you girls we need confirmation on

Me: I have a few papers to do and such, but other than that I’m free

E: will you guys stop, I’m trying to concentrate in class, when all I get is vibrations. I tried putting my phone on the table, but it vibrated causing everyone to look at me…

C: free vibrator?

Me: I think it’s someone’s time of the month…

Maddie: at least she can get hers…

Me: dude, I will smear my period blood all over you and everything you own and love.

M: omg

L: dudettes, take a chill pill

Me: I will shove a chill pill up your arse

L: but bumholes creep you out

Me: you suck :(

L: you swallow

Me: you know it babe ✌

A: can we not talk about you swallowing Luke’s seamen…?

Me: I need to actually get in with some studying, I’ll see you guys later xxx

L: bye baby, love you xxxx

A: love you babe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Me: shut the fuck up Ashton

Turning my phone off and placing it besides me and pulling some calculus work out of my bag.

***

I’m on my way home now, I’m also on the phone with Josh.

“So when are you coming over again?” He asks.

“Probably when I start uni or something, I don’t really know.” I tell him as I turn right, into my street.

“How is Luke taking all that?”

“We haven’t really talked about it recently. I’m not sure if he actually knows it’s coming up pretty soon. When we took the whole break, it was me going to uni in England what started it. I’m gonna miss him so much, as well as all the others. The boys will be off touring their debut album, I mean, they haven’t got a deal yet I don’t think, but that’s probably what will happen.” I explain as I get out the car.

“Are you definitely going to uni here?” He questions.

“If I get in yeah, but I also applied to some here in Australia.” I say and unlock the front door, being met with 5 Seconds Of Summer sprawled out on the sofas.

“Hello.” They all wave and I furrow my eyebrows but wave anyway.

“What’s the one you are aiming to get in?” Josh asks.

“Probably Sheffield but I know that’s a long shot, I’d be happy with any of the ones I’ve applied to. I’m ready to actually do stuff, grow up, whatever you want to call it. I’m just tired of this lazy town in Sydney,” I sigh.

“So you wanna go up north.” He says in a northern accent.

“Dude, you’re shit at accents.” I laugh and go into the kitchen.

“Better than you.” He claims.

“Uh, have you heard me, I’m great at accents, especially UK places.” I exclaim.

“When you drink you go all chav like.”

“You go all posh and so does mum. Evie goes all Essex, we should get together soon.” I tell him.

“Yes, tell me when you’re planning to come over again because I miss you.”

“Hopefully we can practice our accents again. Anyway, I miss you too but I should probably tend to my 5 year old friends and 2 year old boyfriend.” I say.

“Okay, I should probably get some sleep, so I’ll see you soon or something. Love you, bye”

“Love you too or whatever, bye.” I laugh and hang up.

Quickly running up stairs to put my phone on charge and then running back down to see my cute lil’ Aussies.

“Hello,” I smile and sit next to Luke and greeting him with a small kiss.

“Who was on the phone?” Calum asks.

“Josh.” I answer.

“Did you drive whilst on the phone?” Michael questions.

“I put him on speaker, thank you very much.”

“It’s weird to think that soon, we’ll all be super fucking busy and in different countries.” Ashton says.

“So you’re definitely touring soon?” I ask.

“World tour, did the deal this morning.” Luke grins.

“Congrats guys.” I smile.

“Thanks.” They all blush.

“So proud of you guys, no matter how big you get, you’ll always be my little dorks.” I tease.

“Shut up.” Luke laughs and nuzzles his head into my neck, placing a few kisses there.

“You’re so cute.” I giggle and run my hand through his quiffed hair.

“Ew, I wanna vomit.” Michael mutters.

“Don’t you fucking dare chunder in my house.” I warn.

“It’s not your house.” Calum points out.

“Shut up.” I whine.

“When you go to university, will you get your own flat or live in student accommodation?” Ashton questions.

“I’m undecided, probably get my own flat.” I shrug,

“When is this all kicking off?” Luke asks.

“September, wait what month is it?” I questions.

“Just started August, how do you not know that?” Michael exclaims.

“Oh my God I’m gonna be a uni student next month and I don’t even know what one I’m going to.” I panic.

“You’ll be fine,” Luke reassures and strokes my thigh.

I hear someone knock at the door. “You’ll get it.” I point to michael.

He rolls is eyes and gets up, walking towards the door. “Erika and Maddie, just who I wanted to see.” He sarcastically says.

“You know, sometimes your sarcasm hurts.” Maddie tells him as they walk in.

“Erika can’t even sense it half the time.” Calum laughs.

“Hello.” We all greet.

“Hi.” They say in unison and sit down together.

“We were talking about how much Harper is going to fail at being a university student.” Michael smirks.

“Michael.” I pout.

“How come we don’t know anything about anyone’s university plans.” Ashton questions.

“I’m going to the university of Sydney.” Erika says

“I’m not going.” Maddie confesses.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because it all looks far too stressful for me, I can just about handle it now.” Maddie explains.

“Harper.” Erika gestures for me to tell her.

“I don’t know yet, but I’m pretty sure its England.”

“Speaking of universities.” My parents walk into the lounge.

“Eavesdropping at all?” I laugh.

“Shush. We though it was time you open up the letter.” My mum replies.

“Really?” I question excitedly.

“Go ahead.” My dad smiles and passes me a brown envelope with my name on it. I take it out of his grasp with shaky hands. “Oh, here is the letter opener.” My mum remembers and passes me the metal blade.

“Thanks.”

Inserting the blade in and sliding it across, in one smooth motion. “It feels like a birthday with all the attention on me.” I laugh.

Pulling the white folded paper out and tossing the envelope onto the coffee table. Leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees before unfolding the paper.

Quickly scanning the words until I get to the part I need to see. “I got in!” I cheer.

“Your sure?” My mum asks.

“What, have doubts in me?” I laugh at her and stand up before passing her the letter.

“Well done, baby, so proud of you.” Luke grins and wraps his arms around my waist.

“Thank you. I’m gonna miss you.” I pout.

“We’ve got a while before that all starts, don’t worry about it all. Right now, you’ve just found out you’ve got into your dream university. I love you, so we’ll get through this together.” He smiles and cups my cheeks.

“I guess you’re right. It’s just hard.” I sigh.

Luke presses his lips against mine and I immediately react by wrapping my arm around his neck. I’m gonna miss these.

We pull back and stare into each others eyes, with smiles on our faces. “I love you so fucking much, you have no idea.” I say.

***

I’m currently in the shower singing to one of my songs called Turn It Off, it’s quite an old song. I really like it, it’s probably one of my favourite songs.

Everyone went home around 25 minutes after I found out the news. We decided to celebrate and go out for dinner. I got a little caught up with watching YouTube videos and scrolling through tumblr, and forgot to get ready, so I decided to just take a shower and wash off all my problems.

Stepping out of the shower and drying myself off before wrapping my hair up in the towel.

Slipping into some underwear and then some black fishnets, putting on some black ripped jeans on and a crop top.

Taking my hair out of the towel and then drying it with the hair dryer.

Doing light makeup because I know I’m gonna be tired when I get home, and I won’t be botherd to take it off.

Walking out of the bathroom and letting out a scream at what I find.

“Why the fuck are you laying in a dead straight line across the landing?” I ask the boys and the girls.

“We got bored, why the fuck weren’t you ready when we got here.”

“I was catching up on some Shane Dawson videos then I ready some zodiac stories on tumblr.” I explain.

“Two things, firstly you look really hot in that and that song you were singing was really cool, and don’t get me started on your voice.” Luke states and I roll my eyes.

“Let’s just go.” I sigh.

“Honestly I think you have the best voice and most powerful voice here.” Michael claims.

“Can we just go eat?” I whine.

“Fine.” Luke says and entwined our hands, making our way to my car.

“Luke and I are taking my car, the rest of you sort it out yourself.” I tell them and open the front door.

Turning the engine on and backing out onto the road.

“Are you humming Don’t Stop the acoustic version?” Luke laughs.

“Yeah, you Don’t Stop,” I laugh.

Luke shakes his head and places his hand on my thigh.

After 20 minutes or so, we get to our destination. Ashton stupidly enough tweeted out where we were going. So now the entrance is flooded with fans and paparazzi.

“You ready?” Luke questions.

“Yeah.” I say and pick my bag up from the floor.

We parked a little bit down the road so luckily we won’t immediately get thrown into the deep end.

Luke gives me a quick kiss and we both open our doors, instantly screams go off and I chuckle.

Locking the car and putting my bag on my shoulder, before meeting up with Luke, who holds out a hand for me. I smile and entwine our fingers, walking towards all the screaming.

“You know, I think it’s always wise to run away from screaming.” I point out and Luke chuckles.

As we approach, the screaming gets louder and more flashes go off. When we get to the start of it all, we keep our heads down slightly, and both clutch onto each others hand.

“Is it true that you’re breaking up?”

“Are you looking forward to dinner?”

“Can I have a picture?”

“Could you sign this?”

“Could you guys kiss?”

They all come from left right and centre.

Some of the things they say I have to muffle a laugh.

We finally get to the entrance doors, and everyone is here. “Took you enough bloody time.” Maddie kindly greets.

“Shut up.” I dismiss and hug everyone.

“Who’s idea was it to tweet out where we were going?” Luke asks but looks at Ashton.

“I made a mistake okay, at least it was a good selfie of me and Erika.” He reasons. “It really wasn’t, you looked awful.” Erika comments.

“You guys are really mean sometimes.” He pouts.

“Don’t listen to them, baby.” Calum says.

“Oh my god, my little Cashton heart.” Michael squeals.

“Can we just go eat?” Maddie groans.

“Sure, Mrs. Eat Everything.” I wink and grab Luke’s hand, leading us to a table.

“Time out.” Luke tells me.

“Bu-”

“Go to the corner.”

***

It’s a few weeks later and we are all going on holiday, kind of like a send off. The guys go off touring a few days after we get back home, then I go over to England a couple days later.

We’re going to the Maldives for a week, we have just got to the place we’re staying at and I’m tired as fuck. I’m really looking forward to letting go of all my worries and being stress free for a whole week.

“You wanna just go to sleep for a minute?” Luke asks.

“Oh, talk dirty to me.” I wink and make my to our shared bedroom.

Flopping down across the bed so there is no easy way for Luke to lay down. Covering my eyes with my arm and letting out a groan.

“Babe, you’re gonna have to move your pretty little ass.” Luke laughs.

“I don’t wanna.” I whine.

“Where am I supposed to go?” He questions.

“I don’t know, somewhere else?”

“That’s not very nice.” He says.

“If you undress me I’ll think about it. This does not mean sex, Hemmings.” I tell him.

“Too tired for that anyway.” Luke groans.

I feel Luke’s body move closer to mine and undo my skinny jeans’ button, then the zipper, before pulling them off.

Luke throws them to the floor and works on my torso. Unzipping my hoodie and pulling my arms away from my face, he takes my hoodie off and thank God because that was hot as fuck. He moves onto my t shirt, gripping the hem and moving it up as far as was able to.

“Sit up.” He orders.

“Ohh, Fifty Shades Of Grey.” I smirk.

“Shut up or you won’t get sex ever again.” He warns.

“I’m fucking up.” I say and sit up, wrapping my legs around his legs.

Luke pulls the whole thing up, leaving me in just my underwear.

“Bra on or off?” He questions.

“Off, dear God, it’s been stabbing me all day.”

“Off it is then. I don’t get why you couldn’t do this.” He tells me.

“I couldn’t be bothered.”

Luke skilfully unclasps my bra with one hand, before tasking his shirt off and placing it on me

“Thanks, daddy.” I grin and get into bed.

“That’s Ashton’s territory.” Is all Luke says.

Soon enough Luke gets in with me, wrapping his arm around my waist and nuzzeling his head into my neck, placing a few kisses there.

“Love you so fucking much, babe.” He sighs.

“Love you too, Luke. ” I smile even though he can’t see me.

***

*knock knock*

“Come on guys, let’s go into the sea.” Someone chants.

I groan response, probably not being able to hear me, because it sounds so far away and muffled.

“Luke.”

“Harper.”

We say in unison.

“You’re the man.” I groan and nuzzel into something hard yet warm, which I’m guessing is his broad chest.

“It’s probably only one of the guys or all of them.”

*knock knock*

“Are you guys having really good sex or something? It’s really hot out here.” The voice of Michael Clifford states.

“Go get.” I whine.

“Why should I get it? You get it.” He pouts.

*knock knock*

“Seriously, open up.” A female voice speaks up.

“I take it that they are all here.” I sigh.

“Why don’t we both get it, we both know they won’t go away.” Luke suggests.

“Ugh, fine, but I need to put a bra on.”

Scooting out of the sheets and quickly searching my suitcase for a strapless bra. Finally spotting one and putting it on. Turning around to find Luke still in bed, but watching me.

*knock, knock, knock*

“I’m dying out here and there is a sting ray quite close to us.”

I laugh and grab Luke’s hand, he gets up and rubs his eyes, before putting his hand on the small of my back, guiding us towards the door.

“I’ll bet you 10 dollars that they are having sex.” The voice of Calum bets.

Luke and I both share a look and laugh.

Luke pulls the door open and leans on it, wrapping his arm around my waist. Their eyes widen as they look at us.

“What?” Luke tiredly asks.

“We’re going into the sea,” Maddie says.

“And you need us because?” I ask.

“Because we want you guys to come.” Ashton grins.

“You guys just fucked, I can see it.” Michael claims.

“We were asleep and couldn’t be bothered to get up and see you losers.” I smirk.

“Why is Luke shirtless and you in his shirt then?” Erika questions.

“Because we were asleep.” Luke exclaims.

“You wanna go into the sea now?” Calum offers.

“I don’t think we have a choice to be honest.” I mutter.

“We’ll go with you, but give us five minutes.” Luke tells them?

“Yay!” Maddie squeals.

“Give you five minutes so you guys can fuck again?” Ashton questions but we just slam the door in their face.

“I fucking hate them sometimes.” Luke groans.

“I’m used to it.” I sigh.

Luke gives me a kiss and then goes into our bedroom.

I follow him and search my suitcase for one of my many bikinis. Picking out a simple black one, before taking off Luke’s shirt, then my bra. Tying up the two strings by my neck and at the back.

Taking off my underwear and slipping into the matching bottom half, now ready for the water.

“You ready?” Luke asks.

“Yep.” I nod and take his offered hand.

“Do you wanna surprise them by going out our sliding doors?” Luke questions.

“Sure.” I laugh.

We quietly make our way towards the doors that open onto our private outside area and go down the steps. Our feet meet the water and it is quite cold.

“We have to be quiet.” Luke whispers.

I nod my head and swim beside him with a smile on my face.

“Luke, there’s a fish.” I panic and quickly swim the other side of him.

“Funny that, we’re in the sea.” Luke says.

“Luke.” I whine.

“You ready?” He asks.

“To do what? What do we do?” I question.

“I don’t know, just climb up the ladder as if its the most normal thing,” he shrugs.

“Eh okay.”

“Hey guys, ” Luke and I say in unison as we climb up, causing them to scream.

“Oh my God, don’t do that ever again!” Erika exclaims, clutching her heart.

***

It’s a while later now, and some of us are in the water, and some of us are on the sunbeds.

Luke and I are on the same bed, cuddled together, constantly giving and receiving kisses.

“This reminds me of being in Dubai.” Luke says.

“Why?” I question.

“Because this is what we were like there, minus the arguing of course. Sharing the same seat, literally sewn together.” He explains.

“Yeah I guess it is.” I agree. “That seems like such a long time ago now.”

“It was in December, and it’s August now, so that’s eight months ago, and we’ve been together 7 months.”

“Can’t think of a better way to spend my life.” I grin.

Luke connects our lips and holds my waist with one hand, whilst the other cups the top of my ribcage, his thumb basically on my boob. As our lips move together in sync, the passion and heat grows between us. Luke slides his tongue into my mouth and pulls me on top of him, I grind my hips into his, causing us both to groan in pleasure.

Luke moves his hands up to my neck and runs his thumb up and down my jawline/cheek.

I disconnect my lips from his and make my way to his neck, sucking on his sensitive spot.

“What do you say we go back to our room?” Luke whispers.

“Sure.” I agree.

I kiss him a little more before breaking contact and getting up. “Where are you going?” Michael asks a couple beds away from us.

Luke stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, his head going into my neck, placing a few kisses.

“Um, we’re g-going to our room.” I stutter as Luke sucks on my neck and his hand strays a little too close to my heat, I can feel his smirk on my skin.

“Uh, okay.” He trails off.

I would’ve thought he would be the one to figure us out.

“Bye.” I smile.

“Bye.” Luke says but it’s muffled because he is still sucking, licking, biting, and kissing my neck.

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elmerinolatino-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Andean altiplano adventures (and some seaside and selva)

Dear dear buddies, it`s been a while since I wrote and now that I see the date time has literally FLOWN which means that I`ll be back in three weeks! YES! NO! On the one hand I can`t wait to be back but on the other hand I keep seeing so many beautiful things, landscapes, that I just don`t want to leave. Anyway. I got my flight, for the 13th of June, so be ready for my existence to pollute/beautify your life again.

Last time I wrote I ended at the beginning of my journey through Peru, which now seems lightyears away. Holy shit, the amount of stuff I`ve seen and done. A little resumé:

Marinated in lima/Lima

Last time I wrote that I was enjoying the food in Peru. Holy shit yes, Peru is the land of ceviche, which is seafood marinated in lime juice, with a mountain (montón) of herbs, red onion, garlic, chilli.... mmm. I just ate but already getting hungry again. The first week in Peru I spent with my buddy Kenji, and some of his friends. We went to the desert, to a city that could win awards for its ugliness. However, it was set in a beautiful landscape of sand dunes, weirdly contrasting, confusing me as to be wowed by the landscape or appaled by the city. The first thing we did was... binge on ceviche. So so good. Then, one other day, we went for a buggy ride through the sand dunes, basically a rollercoaster on the sand. So much fun, I can only imagine how the driver must have felt (and must feel every time) with adults screaming like kids in a rollercoaster. We also did some sandboarding, fun but kind of unimpressive since you can´t really move and just roll down, basically. In the evenings we got drunk on cheap cocktails (yes) and went dancing (really improving my booty shaking on reggaeton).

After that, time for Lima. Lima I was absolutely not looking forward to. Another what, 10 million city with crazy traffic and pollution, bah. But it really wasn`t so bad, I actually really enjoyed it. The temperature was perfect (around 25 degrees), there was sun... and compared to other Latin American cities Lima has a great advantage, which is that it`s a coastal city, so that there is some fresh air rolling into the city whenever the wind goes eastwards. And then, yep, there is the seaside, but it´s a highway... are you kidding me?¿?¿?¿ is what I first thought. Then I went for a bike ride up on the cliffs (Lima is built like 80 meters above the sea on a cliff), where there`s parks and green everywhere, and I fell in love. Lima fell in love with me too, because it gave me `a beso frances`... a french coffee and crepes bar with an amazing view ;). Furthermore, my hostel had amazing breakfasts, a super nice rooftop with morning yoga sessions and free ceviche cooking classes. I was living the high life (and not just because of coca).

Then... it was time for my mum`s arrival! WOO! I, stupidly, told that I would take my mom from the airport. Two hours for a journey to pick her up would be enough, I thought, so I left early. Then holy shit traffic was ridiculous, there is no metro in Lima and the metrobus system hasn`t been extended to the airport (yet?), so you`re basically stuck in a traffic jam to and from the airport. Of course this smart cookie had no smartphone to contact mum, and only enough money to go to the airport (not back). We got stuck in traffic and three hours later I was finally at the airport. My mum had been waiting for an hour and was about to leave (her taxi driver was totally chilled and told her to just wait, because obviously I would be stuck in traffic). When they were about to leave I arrived, just saved by the bell. From then on I wouldn`t have to worry about a thing though, because we had a completely arranged trip.

We started off with a tour in Lima`s colonial center. I was again not looking forward to that because Latin America is full of colonial cities, and I have seen quite a few, they`re all similar. In this case I was wrong, Lima was the center of the Spanish Empire and they went BIG, so the colonial architecture was much more impressive (though often in ruins, sadly). We also did some fruit tasting, and wow, Peru has many more fruits that I`ve never seen before than Colombia even. So so nice. I`m still going wild on street stands with smoothies, which are everywhere here, and I wonder why Europe with its health-food snobbery doesn`t do smoothie bars a lot more...

Up, up, up, up, up

After a little stop at the seaside (with islands full of penguins and other birds, shitting so much that the islands are covered in thick thick layers, used for agriculture nowadays...), we made a little stop at the desert town of Nazca, where we did sandboarding and sandbuggying again, saw some ancient graves, etc.

But then we went up to the Altiplano, where I`ve been ever since (with a few breaks). The Altiplano (high plateau) is the area between two Andean mountain ranges and stretches across the southeast of Peru and the west of Bolivia... at 3600-4000m!! Jesus. It`s a place that makes your head hurt if you`re not used to altitude, until you get used to it. It`s also an intriguing place, which is why I`ve been there for more than a month now...

Good. We first had two days of acclimatising in the city of Arequipa at 2500m, where I really started to feel weird already because of the altitude. Then we went up to the Titicaca lake, at 3800m, a ridiculously big lake (around 200km in length). We visited some islands in the lake made of reed, and this story is so bizarre that I still don´t know whether to believe it or not: as the Spanish came to fuck things up in Latin America, some people around the lake decided to flee into the reed (NL: riet), to live there, on floating islands made out of that reed. They survived on fish and reed roots for generations... made reed boats to go around, and even today, they say, there are people who prefer to live on the lake, come off their islands only sometimes to get new food or go to school, and that`s it. What the hell! We visited an island on the lake and they explained to us how that works, making an island out of reed. The whole time I was just stupefied and wondering how crazy I would go if I would live on a 100m2 island on a lake.

Machu Picchu

Then off to Cusco/Cuzco. The capital of Inca culture. Some days of watching beautiful landscapes and Inca ruins, staying in a beautiful little town called Ollantaytambo (pronounce it), with little canals all through the town, taking care of sick mum (poor little thing), and then getting ready for.... Machu Picchu! On the way I (mum was sick) did some little hikes through the jungle (in spanish: selva) on the way to Machu Picchu, we stayed at coffee farmers. Our guide had worked on coffee farms from the age of 6 (omg) and told us how to pick coffee. You get a piece of cloth (this is very Andean, they don`t do backpacks) and fold it, put it around your back, and bind it at the front. Difficult to explain. Anyway, this stupid gringo obviously picked some beans and then went to slap a mosquito on his leg, so all the coffee beans dropped. I would have a short career as a coffee picker... for sure. After the coffee beans we had a little hipster moment where we could make our own coffee, like, get the bean out of the bean (inception), roast it, grind it, make coffee. Hashtag barista. Such a paradise if it wasn`t for the mosquitos, they had literally every tropical fruit there (pineapple... passion fruits) and in abundance. It was also amazing walking over old paths that the Incas used, through coffee farms, bushes full of random tropical fruits.. ah.

Yeah there are llamas in Machu Picchu...

I probably wouldn`t have gone to Machu Picchu if it wasn`t for the fact that I was with mum (and mum paid), but that would have been a mistake. It was really as magical as they say it to be... Sure, whole of the suburban US was trying hard to make the experience less magical with their almost-religious selfie sticking and oh-my-gods, they couldn`t. However, they gave me inspiration for the following poem:

Enlighten me with your flash, oh phone, my phone, iPhone. I extend my arm with the power of your magic wand, stick it in my face like a dick, I love you, my selfie stick. I let my appearance be uploaded to rise above the cloud. Insta-reincarnation is my salvation. Oh let the likes and shares make me proud, let me feed ferociously, insta-gramification, and let those bitches see who´s having a sick vacation. Oh deity of data, I want more, give me a dual core, for my being is sore, and I adore being an instawhore.

Amazon

After Machu Picchu we spent another day in Cusco and then went to the peruvian Amazon! WOAH! The flight was only 45 minutes from Cusco and you saw mountains mountains mountains and then BAM, forest for as far as you can see. Insanely big rivers. And then quite some deforestation too, and mines (according to a story by our guide Chinese and Japanese companies are going wild on gold mining in the Amazon, fucking up the environment badly). We stayed in a lodge in the middle of the selva, with a view over a forest of palm trees, with sounds of birds I have never heard before, and monkey sounds. That`s where I celebrated my birthday, in the pool looking over endless forest with palm trees. Amazing. We also went on a boat tour around a river (that I believe eventually gives onto the Amazon) and a lake. In that lakes, I wanted to see an anaconda goddamnit! But sadly we didn´t see any. We did see giant beavers and a crocodile, and we got a good anaconda story. Apparently the owner of the boat once was boating around the lake (very peaceful lake, with palms all around etc.) when an anaconda jumped on the boat and tried to grab his dog. The owner went back with a gun and killed the anaconda. Madness!

Enjoying warm warm sun in the selva.

Parting with mum again, and off to Bolivia.

After a good three weeks of super-high-paced travel, mum was going home again. And I was really, really excited to go off to Bolivia. First off: Copacabana. WUUT, Copacabana? Yeah, the name of a Bolivian beach town... but by the Titicacalake! So on 3800m. Not really a place to go swimming, although I wanted to try. The water was said to be 8 degrees (aiii) but I tried and it wasn´t that cold... and while I was bathing in the lake some (sweet, I thought) young boys took my camera and started playing with it, and I found out they filmed eachother making middle fingers to the camera and stuff. So not that sweet.

I went to the Isla del Sol, where the sun was born according to Inca legend. Sadly 90% of the islands was shut off because of a dispute about tourism (fair enough, but still sucks) so I had to do with the 10% of the island. But that was so beautiful... there was no car traffic at all and almost every hotel on the island had a perfect view of the mountain range Cordillera Real, with snowy peaks of +-6000m. One night I went up to a viewpoint and found myself completely alone. That day I had found a Pachamama (Mother Earth) necklace that I wasn´t planning on buying (because an Inca symbol, kind of weird to wear a necklace with a religious/deep cultural meaning that you don`t really know about)... but when I found it, I decided why not, I`ll wear it. That sunset I was reborn. I swear I have never in my life seen anything like it. A view of (I think) the whole lake, a sunset which looks like a beach sunset in one direction, in another direction there was the mountain range, with a golden sunset shine and flashes of thunder every once in a while. The exact opposite side was very cloudy, which left only a little line of orange lights above the hills, like as if drawn with a magic marker. In that direction, thunder, too. And in another direction, more or less next to the sunset, too. The sky was slowly giving me more colours and the first stars appeared as I looked in the direction of where La Paz, capital of Bolivia would be, with an amazing illumination of the sky in orange colours. No sounds except some dogs barking in the distance. A dark island full of little lights, almost like stars, making it seems as if the sky and the earth had reversed roles. I sat there for an hours just speechless, watching more stars appear, seeing thunder, seeing the lake turn silver-colored, seeing so much natural beauty that I just couldn`t help but being overloaded. Holy fuck. As I walked away I realised that that exact day 9 years before I first had sex and I had to smile a little bit thinking how much better this was (and was it a symbol? did the necklace symbolise something? did I find it for a reason? was the sunset an omen? was this my symbolic transition from boyhood into manhood? I mean, the real one, nine years after I figuratuively ´became a man´? when does one become a man anyway? so many questions. Anyway, you can address me with sir Elmer now if you want and refer to me as a man rather than as a boy. I´m sure this sunset meant that.)

Good, after this little space-out I went to La Paz, leaving the beautiful Lago Titicaca. La Paz is the capital of Bolivia and lies in a valley that is 4000m at its highest point and 3200 at its lowest. A surreal setting. It was kind of like Medellin, but then with more steep valley sides and a more surreal setting. I thought that again this would be a shitty busy and polluted Latin American city, and it was, but it was also intriguing. Up, on the Altiplano, is where La Paz begins. The city has sprawled there in every direction, so that the city is in the valley, but the satellite city El Alto (the high) has developèd to be bigger than the city itself. It is where the indigenous Altiplano people live, and basically one big traffic jam with 20 meters of dusty nothingness on either side, which functions as an inofficial traffic lane, garbage heap (and therefore fireplace and street dog hangout), market space, parking space, storage space, or all at the same time. Picture around it abstract buildings of bricks, like simplified versions of old english industrial revolution buildings (fancier ones with mirror glass), buildings that look like spaceships, and imagine that you´re in a sea of minivans for an hour trying to cross this place. Intriguing, impossible.

Impossible is probably also what the city transport development department thought, so they decided to build cable cars all around the city. Right now there are like 7 lines but 6 more are due to open in the next year. They make for a nice ride around La Paz, a cool view for 30 eurocents.

Up up up, again

Then I met with Jolijn and Noah, buddies from Utrecht. They happened to be in La Paz and we decided to go get drunk in a party hostel. Fun times, had been a while since I played beer pong and danced on the bar to get free booze. And that after a night in which I decided to check out the street´s gay club by myself, which turned out very drunk and.. very interesting. Story on request.

Good, but the up up up doesn´t refer to that. Noah and I wanted to climb Huayna Potosí, the ´easiest 6000m mountain in the world´. A few days after, we did. The first day they took us to base camp at 4800m, where I hardly slept because of altitude acclimatisation. We did some ice climbing on the glacier and then went to the high camp (5100) the next day, kind of easy... but good, because we needed to get up at midnight to go climb to the top. Fuck, and of course I did not sleep a minute again...

The climb to the top was 6 hours and holy shit, it was intense. At the end I was really struggling with the oxygen deficit, I really had to coordinate my breaths with my steps (breathing deep like I learned in yoga class). Not sure if I would have made it otherwise... I still had to stop every 10 steps to catch a few breaths. But we made it! And fuck me the view from the top was so so amazing! See for yourself, I put the video and photos on Facebook. It was insane seeing La Paz, the whole Titicaca Lake (150km) and then a volcano that was 200 kilometers away, WOW! As we walked down and the sun came up we saw a huge shadow of the mountain casted on the landscape below, one of the most surreal things I have ever seen.

After this I needed some days of rest and went to the Salar de Uyuni, salt flats in the south west of Bolivia. I thought it was just that but we did a three day tour across the craziest landscapes I have seen (often feeling like I was on Mars or the moon...), geisers, deserts, red lagoons, lakes with flamingos, and mountains in every colour. Islands on the salt flats with huge cactuses... I can´t explain how beautiful the landscapes were, you really, really just need to go there. I think the tour might have been the most beautiful I´ve seen in terms of landscapes on this trip.

To make it across the salt flat I had to battle some monsters...

And then, I thought, why not, I´ll try another huge ass mountain. I went to the national park of Sajama, between the salt flats and La Paz, and spent a few days in a national park with hot springs, ostriches (what the hell), alpacas and llamas everywhere. And then I wanted to go up the 6500m Sajama volcano. Sadly, I was advised against it because it wouldn´t be easy. So I decided for a day trip to the 6300m Parinacota mountain. Was said to be easy. Wasn´t.

That was yesterday and we got up at midnight to go up, starting at 5100m. First, a fuckload of volcanic sand (making walking really difficult) and then the glacier. But this glacier wasn´t like the Huayna Potosi glacier, which was flat. This one was full of little holes and spikes, making it like ascending stairs with huge steps, of course in full mountain gear, so uncomfortable and difficult to move. Oh yeah and the oxygen deficit at 5500m... my buddy didn´t have enough energy to do it and also I fucked up, because I wore only two pairs of gloves and there was a LOT of wind, so that my fingers were feeling really cold. We went up to 6000m and decided to go back, the wind was just too strong and we got unlucky. Still caught a beautiful sunrise and view over the landscape, but that was it. I´m still proud because 900m I think is crazy considering the circumstances (and I really surprised myself again with the amount of energy I apparently had to do that, especially after another 800m ascent to a 5000m mountain that morning).Have you ever driven away from a place and kept looking out of the back window of the car because you are just speechless and in awe of a place? I had that with the Sajama national park. The Sajama volcano just kept being on the horizon, however far we drove. All the landscapes disappeared in the horizon and the Sajama mountain just stayed. Sometimes it disappeared behind a small nearby hill and then reappeared, as if saying that even if I would be leaving it, it wouldn´t be leaving me.. And this mother of mountains is right. One day I will be back...

Parinacota on the left, the mountain that wouldn´t let me.

And the majestic Sajama mountain... for which I will be back, one day.

After that, now that is, I am completely fucking done with the cold and so I´m off to Brazil now to enjoy caipirinhas on the beach. This Altiplano adventure has been amazing but I didn´t come travel to be in a winter climate. Ciao, you will be missed. And I´ll be back...

Expect a drunk caipirinha and mojito-fuelled story next time, my last for this trip. I´m sure going to gay pride in Sao Paulo in a week will give me some new material (although I´m not sure it´s going to be appropriate for Facebook :) ).

My sweet friends, I miss you so much and I can´t wait to be back now in 3 weeks. I`m gonna have a little blast in Brazil and I will overload you with hugs when I´m back. Besos, beijos, abrazos. Your alpaca sheep, el merino.

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hgfstreamchats · 7 years ago

Text

My Neighbor Totoro

Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room. Knock Out: You as well! Pheonix: I'm off to panama, to dig a new lock in the canal ;) Pheonix: lol Thebes: night! thenightetc: ...What's this Knock Out: Stupid chickens deceived by ice. Jalaperilo: Here she is! Thebes: to be fair, it's not hard to trick a chicken Knock Out: It really isn't. Jalaperilo: evening all Knock Out: Hello, everyone! thenightetc: Kinda hungry now Jalaperilo: if we're doing info mercials, can we watch jaboodydubs Banoodle video? Knock Out: Absolutely we can. Jalaperilo: yey!

Jalaperilo: ba'pic ba'nic thenightetc: Oh my god Starscreamapillar: . . . Knock Out: Welome to this. Jalaperilo: i love these Jalaperilo: the sticky buddy is also good Jalaperilo: warm sticky guilt! Knock Out: The best kind of guilt, of course. Thebes: shoulda bought a tap light Jalaperilo: ah, one for yout back seat knock Starscreamapillar: Ah yes, the half used batteries. Jalaperilo: yey! caffienatedconfetti: HELLO Jalaperilo: caffi-confii! caffienatedconfetti: WE'RE WATCHING TOTORO AND I AM SO HAPPY caffienatedconfetti: THIS MOVIEEEEE IGYKDHKNJB Thebes: catbussss thenightetc: *hasn't seen it yet* Jalaperilo: neither have i caffienatedconfetti: it's the cutest caffienatedconfetti: are you watching infomercials? Knock Out: Just passing the precious gift of time with a few of these. caffienatedconfetti: did you look at "big bill hell's cars" Knock Out: We have not! caffienatedconfetti: it's thee best Thebes: I laugh every time I see this one caffienatedconfetti: WE'LLL *** YER WIFE caffienatedconfetti: heck i forgot the filter Knock Out: I've yet to figure out how to turn it off. caffienatedconfetti: anyeway caffienatedconfetti: award for most agressive car salesman caffienatedconfetti: oooooh goodness caffienatedconfetti: oh, this is the japanese version? Knock Out: It is. Jalaperilo: how dare you make me read! Jalaperilo: j/k thenightetc: spide caffienatedconfetti: i've never seen it in japanese caffienatedconfetti: bet it'll still be heckin cute Knock Out: I've seen them all, but favor this one. Starscreamapillar: Are children commonly stored with the furniture? caffienatedconfetti: nah, there just wasn't any room up front Jalaperilo: so people dont use children as footstools? caffienatedconfetti: not usually, no thenightetc: Well, that looks safe! caffienatedconfetti: that is not a good idea Starscreamapillar: They are very excited to be living in a wreck. caffienatedconfetti: they look overjoyed at how structally unsound their new house is Knock Out: Impact doesn't like when I call the little one toad-like, but just between all of us, that's a horrific toad child. thenightetc: It's a fixer-upper caffienatedconfetti: mei is kinda annoying Jalaperilo: these children are too excitable Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room. Jalaperilo: i guessed caffienatedconfetti: lol just wanted to say in case someone didn't know caffienatedconfetti: sorryt Starscreamapillar: If there are house rodents, I do not think walking with shoes on will make the biggest mess. thenightetc: "I didn't see anything if you didn't" caffienatedconfetti: SCARE THEM AWAY WITH YELLING Knock Out: Dear Unicron, her mouth. caffienatedconfetti: oh lord this part scared me when i was little caffienatedconfetti: "DON'T GO UP THERE, THERE'S MONSTERS" caffienatedconfetti: ow caffienatedconfetti: oh no poor little guy thenightetc: Weren't these little guys in Spirited Away, too? Thebes: yeah, but they had legs there caffienatedconfetti: i always love the way ghibli animates water caffienatedconfetti: and food caffienatedconfetti: mostly food caffienatedconfetti: oh, this kid caffienatedconfetti: he's a butt Jalaperilo: ngl? these kids shouting is starting to grate Starscreamapillar: They are very loud. caffienatedconfetti: you're one to talk Starscreamapillar: Do not make me consider my position on stepping on you. caffienatedconfetti: do you really want to have to clean my blood and guts off of your foot Starscreamapillar: True. I suppose I could just kick you into something solid. Spare myself the mess. caffienatedconfetti: i'll still splatter blood on you. out of spite Knock Out: No splattering in my chat room. caffienatedconfetti: knockout please rephrase that Knock Out: Splatter not. Starscreamapillar: Spared, out of respect for our host. caffienatedconfetti: sure, why not Starscreamapillar: If both parents have black hair, how did the youngest end up with brown hair? Jalaperilo: whats wrong with the mum> caffienatedconfetti: they don't specify in the movie caffienatedconfetti: as for the other question, genetics are qeird Jalaperilo: prob sick of the children screaming caffienatedconfetti: *weird Jalaperilo: my mam used to kicked me out the house when I got too rowdy Knock Out: The data net says tuberculosis. caffienatedconfetti: ouch. that's a nasty one Knock Out: The children's screaming clearly caused her tuberculous lungs. caffienatedconfetti: i don't think that's how it works Starscreamapillar: Is tuberculosis not contagious? By visiting her they should all be doomed to die. caffienatedconfetti: no, sometimes it can become dormant Knock Out: She's going home to her people. caffienatedconfetti: ok that got a laugh thenightetc: Pfffff caffienatedconfetti: oooooOOOOO caffienatedconfetti: LOOOK ATR IT caffienatedconfetti: BVKSJGNYZUI caffienatedconfetti: it's so smol thenightetc: it IS caffienatedconfetti: oh dear caffienatedconfetti: that look on her face tho caffienatedconfetti: pure evil Starscreamapillar: She looks like she plans on eating it. caffienatedconfetti: RUN BBY RUN Knock Out: It's having none of her giant mouth or her squatting. caffienatedconfetti: OH MY GOD THE NOISE IT MADE RUNNING AWAY caffienatedconfetti: PTCHOOO thenightetc: omg caffienatedconfetti: OH MY GOD THERE'S TWO OF THEM YEYUTFEYS caffienatedconfetti: RUNRUNRUN caffienatedconfetti: MY GOOD SWEET BBYS caffienatedconfetti: FACEPLANT caffienatedconfetti: wait ohmygod Thebes: LITERAL FACE PLANT caffienatedconfetti: LITERAL caffienatedconfetti: YES caffienatedconfetti: RUN Starscreamapillar: Following spirits into the woods rarely ends well for wayward children. Knock Out: I'm more concerned for the spirits. caffienatedconfetti: yes but these spirits look like lil bunnies caffienatedconfetti: ooooooooooooh here he comes caffienatedconfetti: THERE HE IS caffienatedconfetti: BIG BOI caffienatedconfetti: SUCH FLUFF Starscreamapillar: Yes. Touch that strange beast. That's smart. caffienatedconfetti: she's four years old dude caffienatedconfetti: it's big, it's fluffy, she's gonna touch it caffienatedconfetti: THE NOISES Starscreamapillar: And she will not get older with those sorts of survival instincts. caffienatedconfetti: four year olds have no survival instinct thenightetc: Those whiskers caffienatedconfetti: wiggly Jalaperilo: there is a theory that its a metaphor for this child dying or going missing caffienatedconfetti: scootch scootch Jalaperilo: something to do with the missing shoe? Jalaperilo: i keep losing my colour caffienatedconfetti: totoro's not having yo bull caffienatedconfetti: them's the good scritches Jalaperilo: i remeber south park doing a perfect shot for shot remake with cartman and cthulhu caffienatedconfetti: wha caffienatedconfetti: what caffienatedconfetti: waht caffienatedconfetti: um caffienatedconfetti: i caffienatedconfetti: i'm sorry? Thebes: yeah, no joke, South Park did A Boy And His Cthulu for a whole trilogy and there were many, many references. Totoro was just the one. caffienatedconfetti: oh caffienatedconfetti: oh Jalaperilo: about south park theres a 2 part episode involving BP unleashing cthulhu onto the world Thebes: I thought it was a 3-parter? Jalaperilo: i tied in a lot of the lovecraftian lore with kenny Jalaperilo: it might be, its been a while since i watched it caffienatedconfetti: i still love the dad character caffienatedconfetti: he's such a dork caffienatedconfetti: god this music, i still remember it years latert caffienatedconfetti: awe and wonder thenightetc: awwww caffienatedconfetti: big fluff boi caffienatedconfetti: heck, she's just needy since her mother's sick.... caffienatedconfetti: four year olds are stupid and emotional, not exactly their fault caffienatedconfetti: OW caffienatedconfetti: hhhhhere it comes thenightetc: aaaaaaaaaaaaa caffienatedconfetti: EEEEE Knock Out: I like the long stretches of nothing broken up by occasional bursts of Totoro. caffienatedconfetti: he spook caffienatedconfetti: blink Knock Out: stare thenightetc: this is delightful caffienatedconfetti: spooj caffienatedconfetti: spook caffienatedconfetti: wait caffienatedconfetti: no caffienatedconfetti: joy caffienatedconfetti: such joy caffienatedconfetti: awwwww caffienatedconfetti: BOUNCE thenightetc: PFFF Thebes: Totoro is basically the incarnation of 'want to hug' caffienatedconfetti: CATBUSSSSSSSSS Thebes: CAAAATBUS caffienatedconfetti: MEEEEEEEEOW Jalaperilo: i feel like theres a metaphor that im missing thenightetc: he is TAKING their UMBRELLA Starscreamapillar: . . . Thebes: honestly it's probably just that someone let their imagination run wild when they saw a cat's eyes shining in hte dark caffienatedconfetti: the metaphor is "don't do drugs" Starscreamapillar: This does seem like a fever dream from being out in the rain too long. Knock Out: If there's a drug metaphor, it's "do as many drugs as possible." caffienatedconfetti: ASH Knock Out: GREEEH caffienatedconfetti: JFSKGHNM caffienatedconfetti: GREEEH caffienatedconfetti: seriously tho the look of joy on totoro's face when the rain hit the umbrella caffienatedconfetti: priceless Knock Out: "Totoro gave us a lovely present tied with dragon lungs. I'm sorry the bacterium are affecting your spine." Knock Out: *Dragon whiskers Starscreamapillar: *Snrks* caffienatedconfetti: dragon lungs caffienatedconfetti: did the dragon have tuberculosis Knock Out: It caught it from the mother. caffienatedconfetti: WHAT A TWIST caffienatedconfetti: NEXT UP: two children take part in an occult ritual Knock Out: Does it promise to be whimsical and charming? caffienatedconfetti: yes caffienatedconfetti: POP caffienatedconfetti: POP caffienatedconfetti: OPOPPOPOPPOP Knock Out: I love this music, I have to say. Jalaperilo: this is the good kind of summoning caffienatedconfetti: ooooo caffienatedconfetti: NOMNOMNOM caffienatedconfetti: OH MY GOODNESS caffienatedconfetti: YES PLEASE caffienatedconfetti: FLUFF caffienatedconfetti: YEESSSSSS caffienatedconfetti: BWAAAAAAAAAH Thebes: It's like Mary Poppins but as a cat-wookie caffienatedconfetti: oh my god you're right Jalaperilo: is it just me its buffering for> Knock Out: Now, frankly, why does everyone make such a fuss over the whole "the children are dead" reading? Knock Out: Who cares if they are? Knock Out: I'd like to see this when I die. Starscreamapillar: They sure do not seem to. caffienatedconfetti: they're not dead!!! i hate that theory caffienatedconfetti: totoro is a story about childhood wonder and dealing with family struggles Knock Out: I didn't read it that way. Just saying, it's the softest depiction of the afterlife I've ever seen. Knock Out: Or would be, rather. caffienatedconfetti: sorry, that interpretation is just a pet peeve caffienatedconfetti: you're right, tho Knock Out: It does seem like it would be gilding the lily. Knock Out: I like that it's a tale about nothing. caffienatedconfetti: hm Knock Out: It does seem like it would be gilding the lily. Knock Out: I like that it's a tale about nothing. caffienatedconfetti: hm caffienatedconfetti: yeah, i think you're right thenightetc: ...Nanny. No. caffienatedconfetti: sometimes it's nice to indulge in something cute and small Starscreamapillar: That is reckless to tell children thenightetc: It really is. caffienatedconfetti: what'd she say? thenightetc: That if the mom ate the vegetables she'd be cured. caffienatedconfetti: ooooooh dear Knock Out: Someone else please watch these children. Starscreamapillar: Clearly she cannot really watch them. caffienatedconfetti: lay off the old lady starscream Starscreamapillar: Never. Knock Out: Oh, but she sounds like the old human from the sticky buddy dub. Jalaperilo: hah! caffienatedconfetti: oh goodness thenightetc: GOAT EYES. caffienatedconfetti: AHHHH caffienatedconfetti: AHHHH caffienatedconfetti: NO Jalaperilo: i love goats caffienatedconfetti: sorry but that one looked terrifying caffienatedconfetti: beign angry and sad is tiring Jalaperilo: is that why i'm knackered all the time? caffienatedconfetti: probs thenightetc: ...I don't think it's "just a cold" Knock Out: Stop saying unhelpful things! thenightetc: Oh my god! thenightetc: Now if she DOES die it'll be like she was deliberately leaving! Starscreamapillar: Indeed. Knock Out: "Mommy's lungs are filling up with cottage cheese because you were naughty once." Jalaperilo: *** hell knock Thebes: WHY is she the only option for babysitting! thenightetc: And now apparently Mei's run off to bring her corn, because Nanny said the corn would make her get better. caffienatedconfetti: because they're in the middle of nowhere thenightetc: Good. Job. thenightetc: "So, your four-year-old's missing... I may have told her some.... things... anyway, it's not my fault" caffienatedconfetti: hey, she wasn't being malicious Jalaperilo: we had TB vaccines in school as a nationwide program as a kid, but we had to have a Heaf test before to see if we were immune. and i was the only one in the year group of 200 to reacted positive. Jalaperilo: i've never had tb previously, or been near someone who had, so they guessed I was a dormant carrier Jalaperilo: so i cant wait for my lungs to fill with cottage cheese thenightetc: s...so some other small child may have drowned there. Starscreamapillar: Well, it is apparently easy for them to just wander off. Knock Out: I'm sure that won't happen. And if it does, they'll offer you more substantial treatment than corn. Jalaperilo: hah Jalaperilo: and here i was already shucking a corn caffienatedconfetti: "whhhhhaaaa slow down bby" caffienatedconfetti: "im sleep" caffienatedconfetti: "oh my god dont cry" caffienatedconfetti: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR caffienatedconfetti: the catbus cometh Jalaperilo: ngl. totoro is a bit terrifying caffienatedconfetti: just a lil caffienatedconfetti: but his teeth aren't sharp so no flesh-eating there Knock Out: Unless he swallows you whole. Starscreamapillar: The flat teeth are to shatter your bones. Jalaperilo: the 4 year old is missing so we're gonna let the 11 year old run off as well caffienatedconfetti: you're thinking of hippos Starscreamapillar: That cannot be good for the power lines. caffienatedconfetti: blink Knock Out: It's an anatomically correct bus. Lovely! caffienatedconfetti: rowr caffienatedconfetti: blink Jalaperilo: it looks like the mother has hydrocephalus as well Starscreamapillar: 'They'll be fine' as they both manage to run away. caffienatedconfetti: blink caffienatedconfetti: cern Knock Out: Well, it's reached her brain. Knock Out: Oh, that's too charming. thenightetc: It is! Knock Out: Alright. So the girls are NOT dead, but if they were, it would be Nanny's fault. thenightetc: Yes. Starscreamapillar: Indeed. Thebes: Absolutely caffienatedconfetti: i like to imagine totoro keeping the umbrella so long that moss and grass and flowersgrow on it Knock Out: That's adorable. Jalaperilo: there another anime, where a young sibling does actually die and the older one goes to get its sould Jalaperilo: i think theyre cats? Jalaperilo: its f ed up caffienatedconfetti: heck caffienatedconfetti: snowtoro Knock Out: Night on the Galactic Railroad? caffienatedconfetti: awwww man caffienatedconfetti: i still love this movie thenightetc: That was great. Jalaperilo: Cat Soup caffienatedconfetti: looks like we're out of luck huh Thebes: try kissanime.co caffienatedconfetti: anyway i gtg, it's getting late caffienatedconfetti: thanks so much for streaming this movie! Knock Out: Glad you were able to make it, caffienated human! Have a good night! caffienatedconfetti: totoro was my childhood fave caffienatedconfetti: and i have so many fond memories caffienatedconfetti: i'll draw him for you! caffienatedconfetti: ^u^ caffienatedconfetti: bye! night night! Jalaperilo: dont stay too caffinated or youll never sleep caffienatedconfetti: lelellelelle caffienatedconfetti: also, don't let starscream squish me caffienatedconfetti: he's a butt Starscreamapillar: ... Starscreamapillar: I think insulting me is grounds for crushing you. Cardinal: Hello! Jalaperilo: i think i'm heading off as well. i'm gonna eat the last bites of Stollen and go to bed caffienatedconfetti: you would crush someone for looking at you the wrong way Jalaperilo: night all Knock Out: Goodnight, Jalaperilo human. Knock Out: Hello, Cardinal! Starscreamapillar: Hardly, or I'd spend my days doing nothing but crushing people. Jalaperilo: hi and bye Cardi caffienatedconfetti: i'm not getting into this caffienatedconfetti: i could spend all night insulting you Cardinal: *waves* Thebes: I want ten caffienatedconfetti: hell i'm stayin for tyhe kitten Starscreamapillar: This one has sharp teeth. caffienatedconfetti: OOHOOOHOHO thenightetc: omg thenightetc: OMG. caffienatedconfetti: THAT IS caffienatedconfetti: A LOT OF TOTOROS caffienatedconfetti: OH MY LORD caffienatedconfetti: OOHOHOHOOH caffienatedconfetti: OOOHOOHOG Knock Out: Did they carry her off to something sinister? thenightetc: Do they just keep getting longer and longer with more and more legs as they get older, or...? Starscreamapillar: She is this night's sacrifice. caffienatedconfetti: She's the sacrifice caffienatedconfetti: oh my god jinx Knock Out: The Totoros fill it and then it flies out into the sea and crashes. Knock Out: Such is the circle of life. Knock Out: Oh no, she choked it. thenightetc: Noooo thenightetc: At least she's okay caffienatedconfetti: oh my sweet lord jesus baby christ on a bke Thebes: FLAPPY CATBOAT thenightetc: So many legs. caffienatedconfetti: i am so glad i stayed Knock Out: I want to know where it's taking them and why "their" Totoro didn't go. Starscreamapillar: That was weird. caffienatedconfetti: looks liket hat's thge end! caffienatedconfetti: i'll see ya! Knock Out: Looks like it! thenightetc: On an adventure? Starscreamapillar: The land of wind and shadow, probably. Knock Out: Where they may or may not be feasting on bones. Starscreamapillar: Definitely feasting on bones. Knock Out: What a beautiful note to end the night on. Thebes: faded out background characters with lights in them? I'm guessing they're dead, 'cause Ghibli likes that Thebes: catboat flappin' off into the afterlife. Starscreamapillar: Indeed. Thank you for the entertainment, I enjoyed it. thenightetc: Yes, thank you for the stream. :) Thebes: it was great! Knock Out: Thank *you* for your commentary! thenightetc: Aww, shucks. thenightetc: Goodnight! Knock Out: Goodnight, all! Thebes: good night!

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