#omg i could look at this forever
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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#the drawings in this file thats forever lost#🪦🕊️🧎♀️🧎🧎♂️🙏💔#liiiiiiiiike aaaaaogh biting my knuckles rn#look at Gus fring omg#and nacho ommmmmmg#breaking bad#better call saul#I Could always redraw this piece again tbh Maybe …..
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Medical log, stardate 18935.15. Once more have I seen the tailor go out in his lizard fashion—
#least funny way to make this joke BUT. look how much thought I put into that stardate!#Star Trek: Deep Space 9#it would be so much easier to listen to the new audiodrama podcast of drac daily instead of reading but unfortunately#our dear solicitor will forever sound exactly like our dear doctor to me now because somehow it has become Hot Reptile Summer in my brain#and everything is melting together like changeling soup. and this is BEFORE the gomens s2 premiere. christ.#Dracula: How dare you touch him!! This man belongs to me!! I too can love!!!#me reading All That: omg just like in all my favorite ''Garak saves Julian from other Cardassians'' fanfics :3#god I love how as far as I know there's literally nothing in canon to support any of our weird kinky#''claiming a mate by leaving a bite mark scar on their neck'' or any of that other fanon stuff for Cardassians#it's not like with the Klingon dicks or Vulcan pon farr. anybody could make up absolutely anything about Cardassians#and every single writer I've ever read has chosen shit like mating bites scent marking egg laying#and of course. glowing blue WAP with a built in strap. I fucking love you Deep Space 9 fandom there will never be another like you!!!!!!#Starky's Original Posts#Dracula Daily#COMPUTER. ERASE LOG.
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THIS AU. IS EATING ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *dies*
wonderful fic/AU by @justaduckarts (i hope you don't mind me tagging you!)
#guys this FUCKING AU#its my comfort fic atm buT MY GOD DO I HAVE SOME OPINIONS#ECLIPSE IN THIS FIC IS SUCH A FLIRTY LILTTLE SHIT#hes so soft tho i love him for trying to look after yn!!#sun i wanna smack him so bad#i get it but i dont at the same time#i could go on forever omg..!!! aaa!!#star holder au#fnaf moon#fnaf sun#fnaf eclipse#fnaf y/n#fnaf au#fnaf daycare attendant#myart<3#sorry this isnt so well defined of a drawing!! aaa
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BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary
"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.
Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.
One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.
Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.
The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.
Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?
A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.
But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.
As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.
The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.
Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.
"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.
"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.
But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.
"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.
"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."
Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.
"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?
Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...
"Hey, are you okay?"
The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.
"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.
But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?
The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.
The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.
"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"
"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.
The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.
It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.
Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.
Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"
Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.
"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"
"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.
"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.
"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."
"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.
While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.
"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.
The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.
The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.
A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.
That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.
The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.
Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.
It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.
It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.
Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?
The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.
"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.
Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.
Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.
He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.
Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.
A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.
It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.
Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.
Like a mouse to a snake.
This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.
The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?
Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.
His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.
A STARTLING RINGING;
Splits the moment,
Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,
As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.
Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.
"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"
Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.
Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.
"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"
Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.
"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.
Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .
As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.
The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.
"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.
"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."
The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.
"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."
"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.
He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.
#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT.#i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED#I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED..#ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT.#i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it.#and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!!#JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!!#GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh#THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON#but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl#ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway#yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him#what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes.#but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way.#but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B#okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or#misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect#LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment.#TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!
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Some Cainhurst Scenery from my recent adventures ✨️
#sin scenery#(i post other screenies on my sideblog eyelixir lmao but most of it is just weapon and outfit refs tbh)#(i could look at bloodborne forever. it has such timeless beauty)#(i can only imagine how gorgeous an updated version would be but honestly i am grateful we have what we have)#(the unofficial pc version seems promising tho with the reshades and upscaled textures omg)#(i need to do a ng run on bb again soon ugh)
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SPERG YOUR HEART OUT
#EVERYONE#NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#& FOREVER#i love it when my friends &/or mutuals post about their interest & Passions i will like your posts but really i Loved them.#i deleted some tags because they might be interpreted as weird(er than usual) but 0_0 i am ♯Passionate about ♯Passion (for fashion - Bratz)#still kind of feel like a worthless human being but i secured another hangout in like a week so yayyy ^_^#I GET TO BOTHER SOMEONE TOO NOW i just wish people did that to me too why am i like always the one raving#literally have to beg my friend to give me updates on her things even if i normally hate it even i go out of my way to look for things#for us to discuss -_- GIRL please i am for real not just faking for politeness who do you think i am I WANT TO KNOW#so effin excited OMG i have like so much to say & the greatest thing is that this girl has no knowledge at all about my Thing#so i can explain from the very beginning You literally have no idea how much i practiced the conversation in my head#ever since she told me & she said she wanted me to go on & talk about it more i have been Devising My Plan#OMG YAYYYY ^_^_^_^_^_^ AIMU SO HEPI AAARRRGHHHHHGSJDJSHSJDHSHSG#& OFC i had to plug it in the first time i met her in person i just could not help myself there was an NF on that day & i told her i wanted#to catch it i had to go in the end for a different reason & BTW it was such a whiplash the show itself was so fun but the winner... 0_0 NO.#next i will ask her about berserk & maybe even read it so we can talk about it because she really likes it#i dropped it when i was 14 because the laptop i was using to read it was complete crap Just like mine is RN#like a section of my keyboard is completely dead T_T so i have to use the on-screen one...
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doodles b4 i inevitably get put down for being. awful. sick in the head even.
#this ones oride themed! 😁 i love gay people. hashtag ally 😊😊#i need to never look up sbahj on ao3 again a most of its just. porn. or its so awfully written that its not even funny#ill never forget you hella jeff x barack obama yandere fic…. i didnt read you but youll live on in my heart forever#sbahj#sweet bro and hella jeff#if you. think about it super duper hard the fuit aisle could be sweet bro. fanart but. barely. i need ti do actual fanart or smth of it#guys guys is that an athf reference guys guys look boost mobile guys athf guys master shake holy fuck guys guys omg#sweet bro#hella jeff#geromy
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they are the reason my blog is yellow and purple 😝
#not putting this in the main tag lolz#harmon#paca dance p2#trashcan#anyone else think that harmon looks like MZD from pop��n music lol#this is why i think he is the TRUE god of just dance. all those other deities could never heat it up and cool it down like him#also like. paca dance literally got me back into JD just because its such a banger. i am forever in ur debt just dance band#without paca dance i wouldnt know about the fucking JD23E lore like omg
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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I'm drawing every single spies are forever character once a day until I've drawn them all!
Today's character is Owen Carvour :D Day 2/55
I saw a head canon somewhere that Curt is the type of bf to steal clothes and that the iconic jacket is actually Owen's and I can't stop thinking about it
#omg eddie actually doing daily stuff what????#look at me go actually following through with stuff#the voices THE VOICES#i cant stop thinking about them#joey my boy#joey richter the man that you are#i totally get what Curt saw in him#he could hold me at gunpoint any day#spies are forever#owen carvour#curtwen#my sweet sweet boys#curt is a clothing thief#once a spy always a spy#tcb#tin can bros#tin can brothers#eddies daily thing#eds draws
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#argent#argent band#keep on rollin#popgala#1973#love that shot of russ's sparkly back for no reason#russ you're standing right in the way of bob#we cannot see bob#russ i love you and want to see you always but that was like the worst possible place you could have stood#but nice guitar strap#rod you're pretty#THERE'S BOB#jim you're cute look at you#omg i love this video so much help i'm going to cry about it existing forever
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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So if The Fates wanted to eat me alive I'd be okay with that.
#is this too much sorry#but also its true and I'd probably thank them#god this show is the best#ages like a fine wine every time I see it it does not fail to get better than the last time#if i had infinite money I would see this show every week#Not one of the Fates looking me dead in the eye and asking ���Wouldn't you do the same?” in Gone I'm Gone#also not the Fates wearing veils and acting liek they grieve Eurydice as she descends to Hadestown like girl omg#and Hades was giving me the side eye at the beginning of Why We Build a Wall ugh yes#CAN WE TALK ABOUT YOLA AS PERSEPHONE BECAUSE OH MY GOD. PHENOMENAL. NO NOTES. STAY FOREVER.#i still have a soft spot fot Betty Who tho she wouldnt stop staring at me during Our Lady of the Underground 💅💅#and anyone who knows me knows I ADORE Amber Grey#they never fail with these casts is2g#gosh I got *so* into this show tonight I love this music with all my heart. i love that I'm able to let myself be absorbed in this story#it can be super difficult for me to maintain focus during plays but I rarely have my focus pulled when im at Hadestown#i could sob I love this show so much. and i got to take my friend to their very first broadway musical tn and I'm so happy they loved it#Hadestown#The Fates#Eurydice#Hades#Persephone#musicals#also as always the band killed it. It is always such a treat to be able to listen to this music live. like genuinely I'm so grateful.#OH YEAH and current Hermes was FANTASTIC#Hermes#everyone was fantastic really such a great and talented company
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I'm so interested in your Anastasia au! will you tell us more?
yes of course i will! @revalito and i are genuinely so elated that so many people like the au HEHJKSDHJKS i will always want to talk about it trust
i don't know if there was something specific you wanted me to talk about, so i'll just talk about their time in the cloud recesses when they were younger =]
as i said before in my tags, wwx found lwj sitting outside the gentian cottage waiting for his mom and that's how they first met--he brought him a blanket and something warm to drink and offered to sit next to him. after that wwx would find lwj every now and then and hang around a bit but not for long. that does.. imply that his parents died sooner but well. HEJDSJKSD we figured one of the servants was his dad's close friend that agreed to babysit wwx for a while before they died, so now at least wwx has someone that was considered family (and that can tell him about his parents)
wwx didn't actually start working as a servant until he got older and that's when he was really allowed to interact with lwj. silly little comments turned into prompts to speak more and eventually, they'd have "conversations" (lwj would listen, wwx would talk) as wwx did what he had to. one day lwj asked wwx if he would be allowed to be a personal assistant on a quick task he had to do outside of the cloud recesses, and of course that's allowed. and that's the loophole they found to spend more time together =]
lxc knows about lwj's crush. he could read it on him easily HEJKSDJK i'd like to think one time wwx was called in to serve something to them, and as he did he made some comment to lwj. lwj acknowledged him with a small uptick of his lips and lxc was just ⁉️⁉️⁉️ HEHKJDHJKDHDJK he starts making excuses for wwx to go see lwj. the first time he asks a servant to call for wwx bc he needed something delivered to his brother it started a rumor within the servants immediately. this is where the teasing among them began HEHJKSDJKSDK lxc is the main reason why eventually wwx is the main servant/one of the only servants for lwj
wwx starts learning about cultivation in his free time--and we'd like to think the gusulan sect would set aside a teacher for willing servants on their breaks--but he never attends any actual classes. it isn't until they accept guest disciples when they're around 15/16 that he even entertains the idea. he probably makes a side comment to lwj, like "ah, guest disciples… it would have been nice to attend a class or two.." and lwj is immediately like i'm on it. he talks to lqr to attend the classes and ofc here lan qiren doesn't Need lwj to be a good example to wwx like he does in the novel, but we think lqr would still want to show him off HEHJKSJKSD also, lxc is probably like "it would be nice if wangji had more friends =] perhaps if we have wwx in there (someone he is already comfortable with) he would be more willing?" and that seals the deal HEJKSDHJKSD wwx is invited to his classes to be a "personal servant" to keep up appearances, but he is there to learn.
of course some other people there aren't to keen on the idea of having a servant in the class with them, so this time when lqr calls on wwx, it's not to test him, it's to prove his worth. he knows wwx and lwj are friends so in his head, his justification is that disciples are offending wwx -> they're offending lwj -> lwj is his nephew -> they are offending lqr too. ofc. HEHJKDSJKSDK lwj defends wwx in his own ways.
nie huaisang is the first to go up to wwx to chat and they become good friends, and since wwx is friends with lwj, nhs becomes friends with him too. it's a funny dynamic but lwj inwardly thinks it's nice.
thank you sm for asking! <3
#ask#ender-manly#mdzs#anastasia au#wangxian#sorry about the delay! i am in the midst of finals HEHJKDSJKSD one more to go tho! WOOO#also hades (revalito) has their asks open if anyone would like to ask about the fic or just see his comments on the au too =]#aight now onto some extras for those w the patience to read my tags HEHKJSHJKS they Absolutely have really cute moments in this time#like one time wwx got sick so he couldn't serve lwj and around lunchtime lwj was finally like 'hey wheres wei ying?' and the servant was#like 'he's sick. but yknow.. even tho the servant quarters are on the other side of the cloud recesses its still in the same place' so that#night lwj goes to visit wwx. everyone is like omg second young master? and he's like um.. can i see wei ying please?#they take him to wwx's room and wwx is So embarrassed bc he just knows he looks as sick as he feels but lwj is just worried about him#also another time when they're outside of the cloud recesses wwx is walking and talking not looking where he's going. he trips off a small#cliff. lwj catches him ofc thats how he is and wwx is like 'hehehe :)c lwj guess what?' 'mn?' 'i Fell for you ;D'#now theyre both blushing. theyre so cute. cant fucking have shit in detroit HEHJKDHSDKJHJSDK#god i could go on forever but i wont. unless someone asks. insert eye emoji HEHKJKSDHJKSDHJK
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might start posting more hades 2 spoilers (under "hades 2 spoilers" tag) but
I was stuck on the Scylla battle in Hades 2 for a while, but in my last run I beat it and kept on going until I got to Chronos!! YAY. I didn't beat him but I got halfway through his health bar (a quarter bcus I assume he probably has a second phase. but still)
#THIS GAME IS SO GOOOOOD#i love how it changes up the hades formula but it's still. so hades#like there's just a lot of new and specific stuff for the sequel#the sister blades are probably my favorite weapon so far#and omg i just realized what the selene path of stars is. i definitely need to try and start using that more#THE MUSIC IS FIREEEEE. i have scylla boss battle theme stuck in my head and i might forever#i had such a good build for that one run. hestia explosive cast plus the smolder ring and buffed attack#kinda wish i had known about selene for future runs so i could have buffed my laser beam. but that's for future runs#i love these games so much. supergiant COOKED#the way that I gasped when I had to fight cerberus. i can't believe wtf#and i've barely started going up lol. but i almost have all the components to not die as quickly#i wanted to pace myself so i could wait for more features to roll out and so i could work on finals or other games instead#but look. this game is really fun. i love hades. i can't help myself#hades 2 spoilers#my txtstuff
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