#omg he's still tinker in this draft what the heck it's so ancient

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Does he still love me?

I’ve been feeling for a while that Runaan and Tinker argued before he and Rayla left on their mission. Argued hard, over him taking Rayla with him. Maybe over other things, too--the mission itself and some less-related issues. Behaviors. How, from Tinker’s perspective, Runaan always does what he’s told. Never thinks for himself. Refuses to accept responsibility for what he does, for the results of his own actions. (The Dragon Queen this, the Dragon Queen that) How he’s going to take Rayla, a fifteen-year-old unblooded assassin, on an assassination mission, because he can’t think his way out of it, and on some level doesn’t want to. How can he sit there and think that anything about that decision is okay? Because he’s not deciding. He’s abstaining. He’s dodging, using that DEX 18 for things it was never meant to be used on.

“Runaan, you can dodge swords and arrows all night long, but you can’t dodge this responsibility. You’ll get Rayla killed! You know she’s not ready!”

And Runaan just. Can’t. See. Where Tinker is coming from. He can’t. He’s trained himself too long to be hard enough to do whatever it takes, and that means shutting a lot of options out. He can be flexible as hell on missions, in every way possible. But he can’t think himself out of a wet paper bag when it comes to civilian decisions. Runaan’s honest-to-the-moon too hard. 

Runaan and Tinker have often understood each other on several levels at once, and even when they don’t really see where the other is coming from, they trust each other. Moonshadows earn trust slowly, but they keep it close to their hearts once they have it. These two have been through a lot together. But Runaan taking Rayla on this mission was just too much for Tinker. He couldn’t stretch his mind far enough to see what Runaan saw, and that scared him. Runaan had a place so quiet and deadly, so calculating, that Tinker couldn’t reach it. Couldn’t reach him when he went there. (this is where VIren lives, btw, that cold, calculating place--Runaan can absolutely go there too)  And Tinker had to decide: Do I turn cold and calculating in order to understand Runaan, or so I draw a line?

Tinker drew the line. Runaan’s the Slytherin, and Tinker’s the Ravenclaw. Only one of these will do whatever it takes, at any cost, and that’s the point where they found themselves. That’s the point where Tinker had to step back and say No. He wasn’t willing to risk Rayla’s life, even if Rayla was. That’s not how you treat your child. But in that moment, saying No to Rayla’s mission meant saying No to Runaan’s plan, and to Runaan. The plan to take Rayla was a reflection of who Runaan is. Runaan felt rejected along with his plan when Tinker objected. 

And so they argued. Maybe they separated. Do Moonshadows break up? Separate? Divorce? Somehow these words don’t seem nearly dramatic enough for the breaking of such a hard-won trust between two elves who love each other deeply, but who fundamentally disagree. What did they do?

*whispers* Runaan, Tinker, what did you do?

Does Rayla know? I guess we’ll find out. But at some point before Runaan’s lotus sank, Tinker lost a stripe on his right arm, a gem from his left horn, and the ringed horn tips he was wearing earlier. Did he set them aside with cool logic and hope that Runaan would come to his senses? Did he yank them off, pry that gem out with a screwdriver, and throw them all off a cliff into a raging river? Did he cry? Did he lock himself in his workshop and build things for a week straight? Did he protest the mission, yell at the Dragon Queen? 

A few lyrics selections from their songs:

(Tinker) [”I Am All That I Need,” Fleet Foxes] So it's true, I've gone too far to find you And the thumbprint scar I let define you Was a myth I made you measure up to It was all just water, winding by you 

(Runaan) [”Kiss From a Rose,” Seal] I've been kissed by a rose on the grey And if I should fall, will it all go away? 

(Tinker) [”Quelqu’un M’a Dit,” Carla Bruni] I am told that destiny is making fun of us It doesn't give us anything and it promise us everything It appears that happiness is within reach So we reach out and we find ourselves crazy However someone told me that you still love me It is someone that told me that you still love me Would it be possible then?

(Runaan)  [Full Moon,” The Black Ghosts] 'Cause all I want is here and now but it's already been and gone Our intentions always last that bit too long Far far away, no voices sounding No one around me and you're still there Far far away,

[unfinished tdp meta]