#ollie darling…. when will you realize ferrari waits for you?

[httpiastri]

don't mind me, i'm just crying listening to vienna and thinking about ollie…….

[amanda-glassen]

1. “All I do is drink coffee and say bad words.”

That’s not even a prompt… that’s gotta be a direct Serena Benson quote 😂

I'm sorry this took a different direction and, again, I am sorry my drabbles aren't drabbles and are like 1,000 words instead. But it's Serena and I couldn't stop.

Serena had her first drink when she was 13. Although she didn’t know it at the time, it was a coping mechanism, a way to numb herself whenever her dad’s business partner wanted to be alone with her. When she was in college, binge drinking was something she did every Friday and Saturday at frat parties. It was all in fun and part of the college experience or so her parents told themselves. Social media made women’s alcoholism into an aesthetic and now that Serena was in her mid-thirties, she was considered just another wine mom. It wasn’t until an incident that landed her in the hospital that her parents decided it was time to intervene.

Three days had passed since her last drink and Serena didn’t understand why everyone was so concerned. She wasn’t suffering through any withdrawals. In fact, she felt great. She was spending time with her daughter and being more productive than ever. Granted, she was now drinking a pot of coffee each morning and consuming more caffeine at night, but that was beside the point. If she was managing to get all the housework done and reorganizing her closet for the fifth time in 72 hours, even if it was at 3 a.m., she didn’t see the harm in it; that is, until she walked into her living room the next day and saw her parents and Jamie waiting for her on the couches.

“You look like shit, Serena,” Mrs. Benson said as she looked her up and down. Her mom’s staring was making her self-conscious so she also looked herself up and down. She knew it was only eight in the morning and not too late for pajamas, even if her pajamas were joggers and one of Jamie’s t-shirts.

“It’s eight in the morning,” Serena pointed out. “I’m allowed to be in pajamas.”

“It’s eight at night, Serena Michelle,” Mrs. Benson narrowed her eyes at her daughter. “When was the last time you checked your phone or looked out the window or even bothered with your appearance?”

“You fell asleep after dinner,” she heard her daughter say. Serena looked down at her twelve-year-old sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the coffee table, so caught up in building a LEGO Ferrari that she couldn’t take her eyes off of it for a few seconds to look at any of them. “We made pizza bagels and salad together.”

“That was tonight?” Serena asked with a confused look on her face.

“Pumpkin, sit down,” her dad urged her. She had wanted to sit next to Jamie, to be enveloped in the warmth of her embrace, but Mr. Benson insisted that she sit next to him instead. “You know how much we all love you, which is why we’re all very concerned about your behavior over the past couple of days.”

“What behavior?” Serena asked. “I’m a good mom. I’m good at my job. I haven’t drank in 72 hours. I’m following my doctor’s orders. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do.”

“You’ve been weird the past few days,” Olivia brought to her attention, still not bothering to look up from her LEGO project. “I miss when you were funny and we played games together, but now all you do is drink coffee and say bad words.”

“You see that?” Serena asked her mom. “I need alcohol in my life. Without it, all I do is drink coffee and say bad words.”

“You cussed out a burned pizza bagel,” Olivia added.

“And I cussed out a burned pizza bagel!” Serena told her mom.

“All things in moderation, darling,” Mrs. Benson responded as she patted her daughter’s thigh. “Your problem is you never know when to stop.”

Serena took her mom’s hand off of her thigh. “Well, no offense, Mom, but the women in our family aren’t exactly a moderation bunch of gals, are we? Grandma smoked a pack and a half a day, Great-grandma’s drinking made me look like an amateur, and you－well, you’re on a first-name basis with every sales rep on Rodeo Drive because of how much you shop. Face it, Mom, instead of our family encouraging an open dialog about what we’re feeling or the trauma we’ve experienced, we find unhealthy coping mechanisms. Had the two of you just believed me when I was thirteen, had you just let me go to the police the night Emerson－”

“Ollie, sweetie,” Mrs. Benson interrupted her. “Why don’t you go build your car in your room so we can talk to your mom?”

“No!” Serena yelled at her. “I’m not going to raise Olivia the way you raised me. I’m through with family secrets and keeping Olivia in the dark. I kept the secret about how she was conceived and look where it got us. My baby is a smart girl. Had I just told her the truth, she wouldn’t have gone out to meet him and none of this would have happened.”

She had meant to sound angry. Most importantly, she had meant to get out all of the hurt she had felt since she was thirteen, but before they could even respond she started crying just as much as she did all those years ago when she was confused and the ones she depended on to take care of her either didn’t believe her or tried to sweep it under the rug.

“Babe, come here,” Jamie insisted.

“Let me just have her for one more moment,” Mr. Benson told Jamie. Hearing that made Serena cry into her dad’s shoulder for the first time since she was a child－back when she actually felt like he was her hero. “I’m so sorry, Pumpkin. I’m sorry all of this happened to you and I’m sorry I was never there to protect you afterward, but that’s going to stop. We’re taking you home with us－you, our grandbaby and Jamie. Your mom and I will take care of Ollie and Jamie is gonna take care of you. All you have to do is pack your bags tomorrow and get on the plane with us. You’re not alone, Pumpkin. I promise you we’re going to get through this together.”

Serena looked at her daughter who had finally taken her attention off of her LEGO car. The look of love in Olivia’s eyes made her realize her addiction wasn’t just about her anymore. Her daughter had almost lost her mother a few days ago. “Okay, Daddy. I’ll go.”

Olivia got up and nearly leapt onto her. “I love you, Mom. I’m so proud of you.”

“Your mom will help Olivia pack tonight,” her dad told her. “And Jamie is staying here to make sure you spend the entire night sleeping instead of reorganizing something in your apartment.”

“I’m not sleepy,” Serena argued just like she did when she was a kid and her parents told her it was bedtime.

“Serena, you know I love you, but you’re going to bed even if I have to lift you up from that couch and carry you,” Jamie insisted.

Just moments later, she felt Jamie’s strong arms around her as she laid down in bed. She was safe and loved and she fell asleep to the feeling of Jamie kissing her shoulders. “I love you, Ser Bear, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to help you through this.”