#oleg cooking companions

[ace-robot-has-matcha]

(Cooking companions)

(Dread weight)

[digitulart]

*cooks your companions* ermmm did i just do that 🤣

[stupidlysunny]

I havent. Drawn this little bastard in. 2 years.

[gracieblood]

cooking companions sexuality/gender hcs cause they’re all fruity (do you like the pun :3) -

protagonist: aroace cis guy (he/him) because i said so fight with the wall

karin: she gives off lesbian vibes but she was canonically into protagonist who im pretty sure is canonically a guy (although i might’ve just made that up idk) so i don’t really know. sapphic👍🏻 cis (she/her)

mariah: bisexual she’s literally the bisexual of all time also demigirl (they/she)

gregor: definitely gay. a homosexual. trans guy (he/him)

anatoly: the other bisexual of all time guy preference cis dude (he/him)

celina/cabbage: literally a lesbian she confirmed it herself (iykyk) cis (she/her)

ryna/raspberry: girlkisser transfem (they/she)

oleg/onion: he kisses boys pass it on (he/they) demiguy

bolek/bread: pansexual guy dude person man (he/him)

the butcher of zakopane/potato: straight cis guy lol (he/him)

[vesperione]

I’m so ashamed that the first tiktok yannick saw of mine was my top five crossovers of the year so hi tumblr. You also get to see my top five crossovers of the year:

Introducing:

Idolise Me In The Media, Won’t You, Darling?: a Ride The Cyclone x The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals fanfic where Noel’s Paul, Mischas Emma, ocean’s ted, Constance’s bill, Ricky’s Charlotte (AND has crutches AND is unable to speak) and Jane is Sam (someone had to be)

I’m Lost In A Crowd…:

A Cooking Companions Prequel x Hatchetfield fanfic in which Emma Perkins is Celina, Ted Spankoffski is Oleg, Paul Matthews is Bolek, Charlotte Sweetly is Ryna and some other dude is the butcher of Zakopane

…And I’m Hungry Like The Wolf:

The sequel to ILIAC in which Grace Chasity (as Mariah), Pete Spankoffski (as Anatoly), Ethan Green (as Gregor) and Zoey Chambers (as Karin) embark on an adventure to avenge a certain other Spankoffski sibling

Clockwork Level Eyes Deep In Neon Hell:

A Security Breach x Hatchetfield AU. Enough said

And finally,

The Beast About To Strike:

Written with the incredible @the-spaced-out-ace, see Pete Spankoffski as Seymour Krelborn, Steph Lauter as Audrey Fulquard and Henry Hidgens as Mr Mushnik in this Little Shop Of Horrors x Hatchetfield AU

Links here;

[brookston]

Holidays 2.3

Holidays

American Painters Day

Artist Appreciation Day

Battle of San Lorenzo Day (Argentina)

Benelux Treaty Day (EU)

Booty Pic Day

Bowling Green Massacre Day (Kellyanne Conway Fictional Event)

Commemoration of the Batepá Massacre (São Tomé and Príncipe)

Communist Party Foundation Day (Vietnam)

Cow Day (French Republic)

Day of Finnish Architecture and Design (Finland)

Day of the Virgin of Suyapa (Honduras)

Desmond Tutu Day

Doggy Date Night

The Day the Music Died (according to Don McLean)

Elmo’s Day

Endangered Species Act Day

Feed the Birds Day

Four Chaplains Day

Halfway Point of Winter

Heroes' Day (Mozambique)

International Golden Retriever Day

International Lawyers Day

International Straw Free Day

John Lewis Day (Alabama)

Liberation of the Battle of Manila Day

Martyrs' Day (São Tomé and Príncipe)

Meaka Bochea Day (Cambodia)

National Cordova Ice Worm Day

National Doggy Date Night

National Honey Badger Day

National Missing Persons Day

National Patient Recognition Day

National Trevor Day

National Wedding Ring Day

National Women Physicians Day

National Women’s Heart Day

Nuestra Señora de Suyapa (Festival of the Virgin of Suyapa; Honduras)

Number Day

Take a Cruise Day

Veteran’s Day (Thailand)

Veterinary Pharmacists Day

Wedding Ring Day

World Free Love Day

Food & Drink Celebrations

National Carrot Cake Day

National Carrot Day

1st Saturday in February

Barber Day [1st Saturday]

Burning the Hom Strom (Graubünden, Switzerland) [1st Saturday]

Global Chaplains Day [1st Saturday]

Ice Cream For Breakfast Day [1st Saturday]

International Pisco Sour Day [1st Saturday]

Lace Day [1st Saturday]

National Play Outside Day [1st Saturday of Every Month]

Pork Rind Appreciation Day [1st Saturday]

Satyr's Day (Silenus, Greek God of Beer Buddies and Drinking Companions) [1st Saturday of Each Month]

South African National Beer Day (South Africa) [1st Saturday]

Take Your Child to the Library Day [1st Saturday]

Independence & Related Days

Danielland (Declared; 2015) [unrecognized]

Illinois Territory Day (Illinois; 1818)

Keep Watch (Declared; 2009) [unrecognized]

Liberation Movement Day (Angola)

Festivals Beginning February 3, 2024

Arizona Renaissance Festival (Apache Junction, Arizona) [thru 3.31]

Carnival Brasiliero (Austin, Texas)

Carnival of Viereggio (Viereggio, Italy) [thru 2.24]

Carolina Chocolate Festival (Moorehead City, North Carolina) [thru 2.4]

Downtown Gadsen Chili Cook-Off (Gadsen, Alabama)

Florida Renaissance Fair (Deerfield Beach, Florida) [thru 3.24]

Hudson Valley Wingfest (Poughkeepsie, New York)

Kurentovanje Carnival (Ptuj, Slovenia) [thru 2.13]

Melodifestivalen (Malmö, Sweden)

Northwest Briefest (Chicago, Illinois)

South Florida Garlic Festival (Wellington, Florida) [thru 2.4]

Temecula Valley Barrel Tasting (Temecula, California) [thru 2.4]

Yukon Quest (Whitehorse, Yukon)

Feast Days

Aaron the Illustrious (Syriac Orthodox Church)

Ansgar, Archbishop (a.k.a. Anskar; Christian; Saint) [Denmark]

Auscharius (Christian; Saint)

Berlindis of Meerbeke (Christian; Saint)

Blaise (Christian; Saint) [Blessing of Throats]

Blessing of Throats Day (St. Blaise’s Day); Everyday Wicca)

Build a Relationship with Brigid Day (Starza Pagan Book of Days)

Celsa and Nona (Christian; Saints)

Claudine Thévenet (Christian; Saint)

Day of Remembrance for Oleg the Prophet (Asatru/Slavic Pagan)

Dom Justo Takayama (Christian; Saint) [Japan, Philippines]

Ewok Day (Pastafarian)

Festival of Sulis Minerva (Pagan)

Fiesta de San Blas (Protector of the Harvest; Puerto Rico)

Fukuju no mai (Jimai; Dance of the Seven Gods of Fortune; Japan)

Gaelic Lullaby Day (Celtic Book of Days)

Gertrude Stein (Writerism)

Gillian Ayres (Artology)

Hadelin (Christian; Saint)

Henning Mankell (Writerism)

Hickety Pickety (Muppetism)

ia (Christian; Virgin)

James Michener (Writerism)

Laurence of Canterbury, Srchbishop (Christian; Saint)

Laurence of Spoleto, Bishop (Christian; Saint)

Lesser Eleusinian Mysteries, Day 3 of 3 (Ancient Greece festival honoring Ceres, Demeter, Persephone, and Proserpine)

Magnolia and Fish Jubilee (Shamanism)

Margaret of England (Christian; Saint, Virgin)

Norman Rockwell (Artology)

Our Lady of Suyapa (Honduras)

Pagerwesi (Festival to Sang Hyang Pramesti Guru, god of teachers and creator of the universe; Bali)

Paul Aster (Writerism)

Pokémon Day (Church of the SubGenius; Saint) 

Richard Yates (Writerism)

Setsubun (Bean-Throwing Festival; Shinto/Japan)

Theocritus (Positivist; Saint)

Werburga (a.k.a. Werburgh; Christian; Saint)

Woodrow Wilson Day

Lucky & Unlucky Days

Fatal Day (Pagan) [3 of 24]

Taian (大安 Japan) [Lucky all day.]

Unfortunate Day (Pagan) [8 of 57]

Premieres

Air Force (Film; 1943)

Amapola, by Jimmy Dorsey and His Orchestra (Song; 1941)

Birds of a Feather (Disney Silly Symphonies Cartoon; 1931)

Boys on the Side (Film; 1995)

Canned Feud (WB LT Cartoon; 1951)

Chilly Con Carmen (Oswald the Lucky Rabbit Cartoon; 1930)

Chronicle (Film; 2012)

Dead Man’s Curve (TV movie; 1978)

Death Be Not Proud, by John Gunther (Memoir; 1949)

Earthling, by David Bowie (Album; 1997)

Earwig and the Witch (Animated Film; 2021)

Fun, Fun, Fun, by The Beach Boys (Song; 1964)

Hanna (TV Series; 2019)

The IT Crowd (UK TV Series; 2006)

Jane Eyre (Film; 1944)

La Dolce Vita (Film; 1960)

Norman Normal (WB Cartoon; 1968)

Rock You Like a Hurricane, by the Scorpions (Song; 1984)

Roman Carnival, by Hector Berlioz (Overture; 1844)

Santa Clarita Diet (TV Series; 2017)

Semiramide, Gioachino Rossini (Opera; 1823)

Shanghai Knights (Film; 2003)

Society Dog (Disney Cartoon; 1939)

The Space Between Us (Film; 2017)

Transformations, by Anne Sexton (Poetry; 1971)

What the Bleep!?: Down the Rabbit Hole (Documentary Film; 2006)

Yield, by Pearl Jam (Album; 1998)

Today’s Name Days

Ansgar, Blasius, Oskar (Austria)

Simeon (Bulgaria)

Blaž, Tripun, Vlaho (Croatia)

Blažej (Czech Republic)

Blasius (Denmark)

Hubert, Hugo, Huko (Estonia)

Hugo, Valo (Finland)

Blaise, Nelson, Oscar (France)

Ansgar, Blasius, Michael, Oskar (Germany)

Asimakis, Asimina, Malamati, Simeon, Stamatia, Stamatis (Greece)

Balázs (Hungary)

Biagio (Italy)

Aīda, Ansgars, Ida, Laida (Latvia)

Blažiejus, Oskaras, Radvilas, Radvilė (Lithuania)

Ansgar, Asgeir (Norway)

Błażej, Hipolit, Hipolita, Laurencjusz, Maksym, Oskar, Stefan, Telimena, Uniemysł, Wawrzyniec (Poland)

Ana, Simeon (Romania)

Blažej (Slovakia)

Blas, Olivia, Óscar (Spain)

Disa, Hjördis (Sweden)

Simon (Ukraine)

Ansgar, Barclay, Baxter, Blaise,, Blase, Blasia, Blaze, Norma, Norman, Norris (USA)

Today is Also…

Day of Year: Day 34 of 2024; 332 days remaining in the year

ISO: Day 6 of week 5 of 2024

Celtic Tree Calendar: Luis (Rowan) [Day 14 of 28]

Chinese: Month 12 (Yi-Chou), Day 24 ()

Chinese Year of the: Rabbit 4721 (until February 10, 2024)

Hebrew: 24 Shevat 5784

Islamic: 23 Rajab 1445

J Cal: 4 Grey; Foursday [4 of 30]

Julian: 21 January 2024

Moon: 42%: Waning Crescent

Positivist: 6 Homer (2nd Month) [Theocritus)

Runic Half Month: Elhaz (Elk) [Day 10 of 15]

Season: Winter (Day 45 of 89)

Zodiac: Capricorn (Day 13 of 28)

[brookstonalmanac]

Holidays 2.3

Holidays

American Painters Day

Artist Appreciation Day

Battle of San Lorenzo Day (Argentina)

Benelux Treaty Day (EU)

Booty Pic Day

Bowling Green Massacre Day (Kellyanne Conway Fictional Event)

Commemoration of the Batepá Massacre (São Tomé and Príncipe)

Communist Party Foundation Day (Vietnam)

Cow Day (French Republic)

Day of Finnish Architecture and Design (Finland)

Day of the Virgin of Suyapa (Honduras)

Desmond Tutu Day

Doggy Date Night

The Day the Music Died (according to Don McLean)

Elmo’s Day

Endangered Species Act Day

Feed the Birds Day

Four Chaplains Day

Halfway Point of Winter

Heroes' Day (Mozambique)

International Golden Retriever Day

International Lawyers Day

International Straw Free Day

John Lewis Day (Alabama)

Liberation of the Battle of Manila Day

Martyrs' Day (São Tomé and Príncipe)

Meaka Bochea Day (Cambodia)

National Cordova Ice Worm Day

National Doggy Date Night

National Honey Badger Day

National Missing Persons Day

National Patient Recognition Day

National Trevor Day

National Wedding Ring Day

National Women Physicians Day

National Women’s Heart Day

Nuestra Señora de Suyapa (Festival of the Virgin of Suyapa; Honduras)

Number Day

Take a Cruise Day

Veteran’s Day (Thailand)

Veterinary Pharmacists Day

Wedding Ring Day

World Free Love Day

Food & Drink Celebrations

National Carrot Cake Day

National Carrot Day

1st Saturday in February

Barber Day [1st Saturday]

Burning the Hom Strom (Graubünden, Switzerland) [1st Saturday]

Global Chaplains Day [1st Saturday]

Ice Cream For Breakfast Day [1st Saturday]

International Pisco Sour Day [1st Saturday]

Lace Day [1st Saturday]

National Play Outside Day [1st Saturday of Every Month]

Pork Rind Appreciation Day [1st Saturday]

Satyr's Day (Silenus, Greek God of Beer Buddies and Drinking Companions) [1st Saturday of Each Month]

South African National Beer Day (South Africa) [1st Saturday]

Take Your Child to the Library Day [1st Saturday]

Independence & Related Days

Danielland (Declared; 2015) [unrecognized]

Illinois Territory Day (Illinois; 1818)

Keep Watch (Declared; 2009) [unrecognized]

Liberation Movement Day (Angola)

Festivals Beginning February 3, 2024

Arizona Renaissance Festival (Apache Junction, Arizona) [thru 3.31]

Carnival Brasiliero (Austin, Texas)

Carnival of Viereggio (Viereggio, Italy) [thru 2.24]

Carolina Chocolate Festival (Moorehead City, North Carolina) [thru 2.4]

Downtown Gadsen Chili Cook-Off (Gadsen, Alabama)

Florida Renaissance Fair (Deerfield Beach, Florida) [thru 3.24]

Hudson Valley Wingfest (Poughkeepsie, New York)

Kurentovanje Carnival (Ptuj, Slovenia) [thru 2.13]

Melodifestivalen (Malmö, Sweden)

Northwest Briefest (Chicago, Illinois)

South Florida Garlic Festival (Wellington, Florida) [thru 2.4]

Temecula Valley Barrel Tasting (Temecula, California) [thru 2.4]

Yukon Quest (Whitehorse, Yukon)

Feast Days

Aaron the Illustrious (Syriac Orthodox Church)

Ansgar, Archbishop (a.k.a. Anskar; Christian; Saint) [Denmark]

Auscharius (Christian; Saint)

Berlindis of Meerbeke (Christian; Saint)

Blaise (Christian; Saint) [Blessing of Throats]

Blessing of Throats Day (St. Blaise’s Day); Everyday Wicca)

Build a Relationship with Brigid Day (Starza Pagan Book of Days)

Celsa and Nona (Christian; Saints)

Claudine Thévenet (Christian; Saint)

Day of Remembrance for Oleg the Prophet (Asatru/Slavic Pagan)

Dom Justo Takayama (Christian; Saint) [Japan, Philippines]

Ewok Day (Pastafarian)

Festival of Sulis Minerva (Pagan)

Fiesta de San Blas (Protector of the Harvest; Puerto Rico)

Fukuju no mai (Jimai; Dance of the Seven Gods of Fortune; Japan)

Gaelic Lullaby Day (Celtic Book of Days)

Gertrude Stein (Writerism)

Gillian Ayres (Artology)

Hadelin (Christian; Saint)

Henning Mankell (Writerism)

Hickety Pickety (Muppetism)

ia (Christian; Virgin)

James Michener (Writerism)

Laurence of Canterbury, Srchbishop (Christian; Saint)

Laurence of Spoleto, Bishop (Christian; Saint)

Lesser Eleusinian Mysteries, Day 3 of 3 (Ancient Greece festival honoring Ceres, Demeter, Persephone, and Proserpine)

Magnolia and Fish Jubilee (Shamanism)

Margaret of England (Christian; Saint, Virgin)

Norman Rockwell (Artology)

Our Lady of Suyapa (Honduras)

Pagerwesi (Festival to Sang Hyang Pramesti Guru, god of teachers and creator of the universe; Bali)

Paul Aster (Writerism)

Pokémon Day (Church of the SubGenius; Saint) 

Richard Yates (Writerism)

Setsubun (Bean-Throwing Festival; Shinto/Japan)

Theocritus (Positivist; Saint)

Werburga (a.k.a. Werburgh; Christian; Saint)

Woodrow Wilson Day

Lucky & Unlucky Days

Fatal Day (Pagan) [3 of 24]

Taian (大安 Japan) [Lucky all day.]

Unfortunate Day (Pagan) [8 of 57]

Premieres

Air Force (Film; 1943)

Amapola, by Jimmy Dorsey and His Orchestra (Song; 1941)

Birds of a Feather (Disney Silly Symphonies Cartoon; 1931)

Boys on the Side (Film; 1995)

Canned Feud (WB LT Cartoon; 1951)

Chilly Con Carmen (Oswald the Lucky Rabbit Cartoon; 1930)

Chronicle (Film; 2012)

Dead Man’s Curve (TV movie; 1978)

Death Be Not Proud, by John Gunther (Memoir; 1949)

Earthling, by David Bowie (Album; 1997)

Earwig and the Witch (Animated Film; 2021)

Fun, Fun, Fun, by The Beach Boys (Song; 1964)

Hanna (TV Series; 2019)

The IT Crowd (UK TV Series; 2006)

Jane Eyre (Film; 1944)

La Dolce Vita (Film; 1960)

Norman Normal (WB Cartoon; 1968)

Rock You Like a Hurricane, by the Scorpions (Song; 1984)

Roman Carnival, by Hector Berlioz (Overture; 1844)

Santa Clarita Diet (TV Series; 2017)

Semiramide, Gioachino Rossini (Opera; 1823)

Shanghai Knights (Film; 2003)

Society Dog (Disney Cartoon; 1939)

The Space Between Us (Film; 2017)

Transformations, by Anne Sexton (Poetry; 1971)

What the Bleep!?: Down the Rabbit Hole (Documentary Film; 2006)

Yield, by Pearl Jam (Album; 1998)

Today’s Name Days

Ansgar, Blasius, Oskar (Austria)

Simeon (Bulgaria)

Blaž, Tripun, Vlaho (Croatia)

Blažej (Czech Republic)

Blasius (Denmark)

Hubert, Hugo, Huko (Estonia)

Hugo, Valo (Finland)

Blaise, Nelson, Oscar (France)

Ansgar, Blasius, Michael, Oskar (Germany)

Asimakis, Asimina, Malamati, Simeon, Stamatia, Stamatis (Greece)

Balázs (Hungary)

Biagio (Italy)

Aīda, Ansgars, Ida, Laida (Latvia)

Blažiejus, Oskaras, Radvilas, Radvilė (Lithuania)

Ansgar, Asgeir (Norway)

Błażej, Hipolit, Hipolita, Laurencjusz, Maksym, Oskar, Stefan, Telimena, Uniemysł, Wawrzyniec (Poland)

Ana, Simeon (Romania)

Blažej (Slovakia)

Blas, Olivia, Óscar (Spain)

Disa, Hjördis (Sweden)

Simon (Ukraine)

Ansgar, Barclay, Baxter, Blaise,, Blase, Blasia, Blaze, Norma, Norman, Norris (USA)

Today is Also…

Day of Year: Day 34 of 2024; 332 days remaining in the year

ISO: Day 6 of week 5 of 2024

Celtic Tree Calendar: Luis (Rowan) [Day 14 of 28]

Chinese: Month 12 (Yi-Chou), Day 24 ()

Chinese Year of the: Rabbit 4721 (until February 10, 2024)

Hebrew: 24 Shevat 5784

Islamic: 23 Rajab 1445

J Cal: 4 Grey; Foursday [4 of 30]

Julian: 21 January 2024

Moon: 42%: Waning Crescent

Positivist: 6 Homer (2nd Month) [Theocritus)

Runic Half Month: Elhaz (Elk) [Day 10 of 15]

Season: Winter (Day 45 of 89)

Zodiac: Capricorn (Day 13 of 28)

[vesperione]

DID THIS AND THEN SPOILT IT ALL ON INSTAGRAM ANYWAY SO COOKING COMPANIONS X HATCHETFIELD AU FULL SPOILERS FOR MY OWN PLEASURE:

THE CHOMPETTES: EMMA PERKINS - CELINA/CABBAGE PAUL MATTHEWS - BOLEK/BREAD TED SPANKOFFSKI - OLEG/ONION CHARLOTTE - RYNA/RASPBERRY HENRY HIDGENS - THE BUTCHER OF ZAKOPANE/POTATO BILL WOODWARD - RAZAEL/CORNBREAD

THE THREE OTHER VICTIMS: KEN DAVIDSON - JUDGE KONSTANCJI LIUZ SHEILA YOUNG - RUSLANA ORLICH SHERMAN YOUNG - MARCO ORLICH SAM SWEETLY - LEONARD KAZIMIERZ

THE COOKING COMPANIONS CAST: GRACE CHASITY - MARIAH PETER SPANKOFFSKI - ANATOLY ETHAN GREEN - GREGOR ZOEY CHAMBERS - KARIN WILBUR CROSS - PROTAG/THE BABA YAGA COLONEL SCHAFFER - ANATA NOWAK

THE DREAD WEIGHT CAST: DETECTIVE SHAPIRO - THE PROTAGONIST/MARYA MOREVNA MISS HOLLOWAY - KURT/KOSCHEI THE DEATHLESS DUKE KEANE - DIMITRI MAX JAGERMAN - GISELA MELISSA - RENATA~ STEPHANIE LAUTER - MAX LEX FOSTER - CLOVER RICHIE LIPSCHITZ - THE CANON VICTIM GISELA KILLED LMFAO XANDER LEE - JAREK JOHN MCNAMARA - IVAN THE FOOL

and yes i know how it ends but i don't know which ending i'm going with. probably a mix of renata + dimitri's and then depending on anything else uhhhhh. yeah. we'll figure it out. but she's got a beginning, middle, and a definitive end. live laugh love everyone enjoy those spoilers <333 bcs i enjoy spoiling it

not wanting to post about an au because you want to write it and don't want to spoil anything vs really wanting to talk about it and knowing realistically you will never finish the fic

[the-chaos-katzlein]

So this is the first request I've made, and fair warning this will contain spoilers for the Chompettes DLC and the lore that recently came out. So don't read this till you've played/watched the DLC. May I request a scenario/story (Can be fluff or have a darker twist like the main game) where the MC/Reader is childhood friends with the Chompettes (Including Cornbread/Razael if you wish) during their childhood when they were still alive.

I went with both a dark part and a bit of fluff, if you can consider a sentence that.

But here you go: Reader & Chompettes

Totally didn’t go overboard

Story under the cut

———————————————————————

It was a cloudy day in the little village you called home, roosters constantly crowing as if they were trying to one up each other tended to awaken the entire town, no matter how much distance was between them.

You awaken to the morning sun in your eyes, so you turn into your pillow before pushing yourself off of your mattress.

Your family owned the most popular (and only) general store in town, usually selling the leftover products from various small farmers throughout the region.

Many people thought that your family was inspiring, others looked upon you with scorn, and yet, recently, the friends you had made never thought of even being jealous about how much more your family makes than theirs, or that they can afford separate beds for all of you.

And it was these friends that usually found themselves peering into your ground level bedroom window, typically with Bolek somewhere in your family’s tomato garden.

“Wake up sleepy head! We’re going to that old cabin that we found!” Celina says as she leans partly over your window frame.

“You forget-“ A yawn and a stretch interrupt your sentence “-I still have to help my folks and sweep the store.”

“Oh boooo!” Oleg says before giggling to himself.

Ryna spoke in her usual down to earth monotone voice: “We’ll just meet you up there if you want.”

“Actually yeah…you guys go do that.” You say before standing out of your bed and making your way to the kitchen.

“Crew, let’s rooooolllll out!” Celina says before they all leave for the cabin in the woods.

Your morning goes by mostly the same as normal, you have something to eat, clean the store for your parents and say goodbye before leaving.

Unknown to you however, a stranger had been trailing your friends up to the cabin they intended to investigate, they thought they had lost him…

You began your ascent to the location your friends had discovered the day prior, you all had been wandering through the woods but now there was a path of exposed dirt to follow.

You passed by many things on the way up however, random chicken, and what you assumed to be a pigs femur all strewn in the grass alongside the path.

The sky seemed to darken as you walked, a storm seemed to be approaching, or perhaps you were walking into it, you weren’t sure.

You passed by a rotting fence, and a metal object caught your eye, it was rusted and well worn, but it piqued your curiosity to the point where you stepped off the path to pick it up.

It sat in the grass that came no higher than your ankle, the handle was covered in dirt and looked like it could splinter you if you weren’t careful.

You lifted it to eye level to get a better look at the object, it was a mattock, a digging tool.

“I guess they were digging holes for the fence posts…but gave up?” You say to yourself, and upon hearing your own voice upon the hillside you notice, it’s gotten eerily quiet.

The birds that once sung their songs have all gone quiet, the wind that once rustled trees and blew against your ears has been standing still for the better half of a few minutes.

You began walking towards the cabin once more, quickening your pace for some reason, you didn’t know why.

Upon approaching the cabin you saw a raven with a pebble in its mouth tapping upon the window, another croaked upon the half destroyed wooden door that seemingly lead to an underground storage area, and lastly a raven landed upon your shoulder and began preening itself as the thunder rolled overhead.

Your curiosity had once more gotten the better of you, and you descended into the underground area, the stairs creaked as you walked, the air seemed almost stale…and metallic.

You descended deeper and deeper into the underground area and when you finally reached the bottom you saw three doors, the left and middle ones were closed, the right was open and there stood an older man, a lantern in one hand, knife in the other.

You saw Celina standing in front of her friends, trying to defend them…you don’t know what controls your body at this point, but you lunge forward with a “No!” And drive the pick end of the mattock into the man’s neck, before pulling him to the ground.

The older man looked up at you without fear, in fact he seemed rather impressed judging by his gaze.

“Well?” He asked, laying on the floor, blood spilling from his neck, and a crooked smile on his face.

Without a seconds more of hesitation you slammed the axe end down into his skull, once, twice, thrice, four times, before Ryna the usually quiet one grabs onto your arms to stop you.

“He’s dead.” She’s says, and you drop the weapon, collapse onto your knees and sigh, exhausted.

Bolek and Oleg tackle you to the ground in tear filled happiness, Celina and Ryna join soon after.

All of you embrace in the dark, dirty, musty, blood smelling basement as the old man finally dies, after all these years.

You’re glad that your friends are safe once again and you all rush back to your village to tell the adults what happened.

[nihilnovisubsole]

oh hey it’s a shipping meme

kamibanani tagged me in this over a month ago, and i’ve been meaning to do it ever since, oops. time to take a stroll around the fandom block again

warning in advance, this is very long. i’ve contained the chaos under the cut!

1. Ultimate OTP

i already know this is a cop-out, but i really couldn’t pick one, because all the ships i’ve written have filled important roles in different parts of my life

nancy and butch were the first ship i let myself ship “in earnest,” instead of doing ship art and fanfic while loathing myself for it. in the same way, oleg and rosie went a long way toward getting rid of my sense of shame about doing shippy/romantic creative work. they’re an inherently ridiculous couple in an inherently ridiculous story, so i took it as a given that it was silly and pressed on.

zaeed and irina are kind of a reminder to myself that you have to let yourself be human to be in a relationship. you can’t be a marble statue. you have to be vulnerable. your partner will see you with no makeup, and find out what turns you on. they’re also in some ways about being embarrassed about who you’re attracted to, and struggling to reconcile who you are with who you think you should be. tgoed was another big, messy meatloaf about my relationship with men - how i love them but struggle with my fear of them hurting me, which makes jo snarky and dominant and sad and lonely all at once.

i can already tell this is going to be a monster of a post, so i’d better move on, oops

2. A ship you’ll always love

i still don’t want to make myself try to pick one, so it’s more a question of what relationship models i like

i like battle couples, i like snarky couples who play fight, i like couples who are understated about their affections for each other. any DINK couples will end up at least somewhere up there on my list, for many sappy reasons that i won’t bore you with. most of all, i like couples who know they don’t need each other, but they want to be with each other anyway, because it makes life that much better.

i also like when characters have a flaw that they’re able to overcome with love, because even if it’s not always realistic, it’s really satisfying to read. we may not be responsible for “fixing” our partners, but isn’t it nice when a relationship is a positive influence on someone? isn’t it nice to think that one character could bring out the best in another, and make the other want to do the same for them? again, i’m getting too deep here.

3. Your current obsession

hands down, marcus and livia, my favorite rogue girl and strong-eyebrowed boy. i’ve spent two years working with them for dangerous crowns and i still haven’t gotten tired of them.

i was talking to my mother about this over dinner the other night: marcus and livia know they’re at their best when they’re combined. marcus is the trope of the great general who’s bad at politics. i’ve said that before - he’s a shrewd tactician, but a blunt object at court. he’s also gotten everything in life by playing by the rules, so he’s squeamish about breaking them - and when he tries, the results can be unpredictable. livia, on the other hand, has enough guile for both of them. she can play courtiers like a fiddle, and has decades of spy skills to get her out of trouble. however, if she’s not careful, she gets too vigilante sometimes. she’s used to street justice, and marcus has to talk her down from some of her more drastic instincts.

neither one of them would be able to save histria by themselves. but together, they’re a serious threat, because they shield each other’s weak spots. and when things get dark and they do find themselves tilting toward a moral cliff, it’s their love for each other that pulls them back from the edge.

you know me, i could talk about marcus and livia all day. i don’t want to make the story out to be more than it is, but i put a lot of thought into them.

4. A ship you never thought you’d like

to be honest, i never saw myself getting into dragon age at all, in part because none of the love interests jumped out at me. and then i was like, “oh, who am i kidding? i write ships with unromanceable characters all the time.”

so, uh, congratulations, varric and carmine! you got me into a whole IP. sure, both my halfway-developed dragon age characters ended up being companion OCs instead of wardens, hawkes, or inquisitors, but whatever. since when have i enjoyed a game the way it was meant to be enjoyed

5. A ship you liked but don’t anymore

well, there was that kaidan/irina thing a few years ago. i know, i’m sorry, it’s the one i bring up every time.

kaidan and irina had the problem of being nice on paper, but thoroughly incompatible. kaidan is open with his affections. irina’s embarrassed by that. kaidan is casual. irina is formal to an infuriating fault. kaidan wants to keep the line of communication open at all times - he wants to talk about feelings, he wants you to be vulnerable so he can help. irina turns inward. she wants to suffer in private and come back in her own time. that would make kaidan pry further, which would make irina hide more, et cetera.

zaeed is more distant. that doesn’t sound healthy for her, but it’s actually what irina is more comfortable with. zaeed has been around enough to realize that she needs space, and also to know that her relationship demons have nothing to do with him. not how she needs to be perfect, not the shame she feels about sex, none of it. it’s not that he doesn’t care. it’s just that he knows better than to ask. zaeed has seen the weirdest, most strung-out parts of the galaxy. a woman who has trouble expressing her feelings is not that big a deal.

i feel bad for kaidan fans every time i talk about this one. i really don’t dislike him, the ship was just a bad fit. sometimes you write something thinking it’s going to be great, but the more you dig into it, the more you realize it doesn’t work.

6. A ship you think should be canon

i hate to admit it, but i prefer it when the few non-OC ships i like are never "confirmed onscreen,” and stay in the realm of unresolved tension. the payoff rarely satisfies me as much as what fans come up with. i think it’s the same principle people talk about with “showing the monster” in horror movies - the audience’s imagination is more effective than anything you can show them. [i’ve heard this attributed to hitchcock, but i can’t be sure it’s him.]

the ideal for me is when creators leave characters’ love lives blank, so i can smoosh an OC against them and thoroughly run away with it. my city now! my city now!! ｍｙ ｃｉｔｙ ｎｏｗ！！！

7. A canon ship you hate

bold of you to assume i’m actually going to say anything negative about the [various, but rare] canon ships i dislike that much

8. A ship you’ve shipped for years

at some point or other, i always come back to 47 and diana, mainly because they seem to pull through whatever challenges their franchise throws at them. i’ve already talked way too much about why i like their dynamic, so i’ll just link back to this post instead of putting you through another round of it!

9. A ship everyone loves but you don’t care about

going back to question 7, “a canon ship you hate,” this is what happens with like, almost every popular ship i see. it takes a lot of awfulness for me to sit up and go, “oh god, that ship.” either that, or it has to involve one of the tropes on my instant-kill list. even when a canon/canon ship is good - maybe even great! - i’m so used to “cooking my own food,” it has to really jump out at me for me to get attached to it.

99 times out of 100, ships float by me like a gentle breeze. it’s like that meme of the video game dad:

10. Favorite rare-pair

oh, come on, look at who you’re talking to 😂 this entire meme is rarepairs, i don’t know how to ship anything else!

[dungeons-and-daiquiris]

Kingmaker Party

Kingdom: Skurgelund

Cities: Felskogar (Capital), Varnhold, Tatzlford, Drevlev’s Folly

Current Party:

Draach Balaur - (King) - Male Half-elf Oracle (Lunar Mystery, Dual Cursed, Ancient Lorekeeper, Spirit Guide: life bond)

Argos - Draach’s wolf animal companion

Agni - (Grand Diplomat) - Male Human Bard (custom class with Alchemist bombs)

Uther Pendragon Moldune II, First of His Name 🤷🏻‍♂️- (General) - Male Human Warpriest of Gorum

Cookie - (Councilor) - Male Human monk and party cook

Thorne - (Warden) - Female Human Barbarian (Invulnerable Rager and Urban Barbarian)(w/ 1 lvl Fighter [Unbreakable] dip), widow of Aragami

Makaria - (Magister) - Female Tiefling Sorcerer (Arcane Bloodline) with Quasit familiar

Lady Quintessa Maray - (Royal Courtesan) - Female Human Bard (Archeologist) Variant Multiclass Rogue - Former sexy vixen mistress bard to Baron Drevlev who opted to become King Draach’s royal courtesan when the party deposed and slew that rebel upstart and his entire keep in a stealthy night of GoT style slaughter

Former members:

Alinda - (Marshal) - Female Aasimar Fighter (Weapon Master: Longbow)

Aragami - Male Halfling ninja (w/ 1 lvl Wizard [Divination: Foresight] dip) - Deceased

Notable NPC’s:

Grigori - (Spymaster) - Male Human Bard / Former Spy against kingdom, turned sycophant of King Draach via a love potion

Jod - (High Priest) - Male Human Cleric of Erastil formerly in exile due to something in his past who maintained a temple in solitude in the wilderness until the party came and he agreed to serve on kingdom’s council

Kesten Garess - (Royal Assassin) - Male Human Fighter (Brawler) - Former drunk city guardsman turned double shield wielding follower of Gorum

Oleg - (Treasurer) - Burly trading post owner (male)

Svetlana - Oleg’s wife (female) who used to be on the counsel