#older dipper has a beard

[lucyydoodles]

Clara (belongs to both @angus-dark and me) has a habit of either quietly staring at Dipper or saying really unhinged stuff. Something like "I wonder what your soul looks like separated from your body" which mildly concerns Dipper- you can only wonder where she has that from!

Also yes, Bill is raising a sweet little hellspawn and is surprisingly good at it

[thelastspeecher]

Amphibious Tendencies - Chapter 9: Cryptobranchus alleganiensis

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6   Chapter 7   Chapter 8   Chapter 9   Chapter 10   AO3

Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve updated this fic.  Hopefully this chapter (the longest one in the fic so far) was worth the wait.  And if you haven’t seen the wonderful art I commissioned for the fic, you can find it here.

— 

Summary: Grauntie Angie has returned from her trip, but when she contracts a mysterious illness, Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy search for the cause and the cure.

The hellbender (Cryptobranchus alleganiensis) occupies a very specific niche in its habitat, and as such, is vulnerable to inconsistencies in its environment.

——————————————————————————————

             “This is where he lives?” Dipper asked.  Soos nodded.  He rang the doorbell.

             “Old Man McGucket lives right next to the dump so he has easy access to free scrap metal,” Soos replied.

             “Why does he need free scrap metal?” Mabel asked. Soos shrugged.

             “I try not to ask Old Man McGucket too many questions.”

             “Fair,” Mabel conceded.  The door opened, revealing Old Man McGucket.  Old Man McGucket grinned toothily at the three of them. His gold tooth and ever-present round reading glasses glinted in the morning sunlight.

             “Visitors!” he chirped.  “Please, please, come in!”  He stepped aside, allowing Dipper, Mabel, and Soos to enter the small house. “So, what brings y’all here?” he asked as he closed the door.

             “This,” Dipper said, holding up the beaten-up laptop for Old Man McGucket to see.  Old Man McGucket took it from him with a frown.

             “This poor thing’s been through the wringer. Didya want me to fix it or somethin’?”

             “Well, yes, that would be great, but that’s not the reason we came here,” Dipper said.  “We saw that on the inside, the laptop was labeled ‘McGucket Labs’ and since your last name is McGucket…”

             “Y’all thought I built this here piece of machinery,” Old Man McGucket said softly.  His posture, already slumped, hunched further, and he paled, nearly going as white as his trimmed beard and what bits of hair stuck out from under his wide-brimmed hat.

             “I mean, how many people are there named ‘McGucket’?” Mabel asked.  Old Man McGucket chuckled weakly.

             “I have three older siblin’s and two younger, kidlet.  And more cousins ‘n you could shake a stick at.”

             “Why would I shake a stick at my cousins?” Mabel mumbled.

             “I’m tellin’ ya I’m far from the only person named ‘McGucket’,” Old Man McGucket said, not unkindly.  He handed the laptop back to Dipper.  “I didn’t build this.  In fact, I ain’t ever seen it ‘fore.  You’d be better off askin’ someone else with my name.”

             “But even if you’ve got relatives, how many of them are in Gravity Falls?” Dipper asked.  Old Man McGucket raised an eyebrow.

             “I’m mighty surprised ya can’t answer that question yourself.”  Something in another room began to beep.  “That’s the kettle.”  Old Man McGucket stretched his back, producing popping sounds, then clapped his hands.  “And it’s as good a cue as any fer y’all to skedaddle on out.  If ya want me to repair that there laptop, feel free to bring it back.  But I’ve got to do my mornin’ yoga, and I reckon none of ya want to see that.” 

-----

             Wendy was sitting at the register, her feet propped up on the counter, when Dipper, Mabel, and Soos walked into the Gift Shop. She looked up from her magazine.

             “Oh, hey dudes,” she said lazily.  “Where have you been?”

             “Talking to Old Man McGucket,” Dipper replied. Wendy raised an eyebrow.

             “That old weirdo?  Why?”

             “While Soos was fixing the laptop, he opened it up and found out it had the name ‘McGucket Labs’ in it.  So we went to talk to Old Man McGucket about it.” Dipper scowled.  “But he just said he didn’t build it and sent us away.” Wendy sat up straight, bringing her feet down to the floor.

             “You saw the name ‘McGucket’ and went to talk to Old Man McGucket about it?” she asked.

             “Who else were we supposed to talk to?” Dipper asked defensively.

             “Uh, I dunno, maybe your great-aunt?”

             “What?” Dipper and Mabel said together.  Wendy looked at Soos.

             “C’mon, dude, I know you know Dr. Angie didn’t change her name when she married Mr. Pines.”  Soos winced slightly.

             “I…may have gotten caught up in the mystery and forgot,” he said.  Wendy rolled her eyes.  She looked back at Dipper and Mabel.

             “Dr. Angie’s last name isn’t Pines.  It’s McGucket.  Old Man McGucket is her older brother.”  Dipper and Mabel’s jaws dropped.

             “That explains why there are pictures of Old Man McGucket in the house,” Mabel said slowly.  “And why they have the same nose.”  Wendy nodded.

             “Grauntie Angie just keeps getting implicated over and over again,” Dipper said to himself.  “I feel like, at this point, she either knows the Author or is the Author.”  Wendy groaned loudly.

             “C’mon, dude!”

             “No, I think Dipper has a point,” Mabel said. “She’s been connected to this stuff too much for it to be a coincidence.”

             “Soos, back me up,” Wendy said.  Soos shook his head.  “Traitor.”

             “Why are you defending her?” Dipper asked quietly. Wendy stilled.  “Do you know something we don’t?”

             “All of this is news to me, too.  It’s just…”  Wendy crossed her arms and looked away.  “Dr. Angie’s my godmother, okay?  She- she saved my mom’s life, way before I was born.”

             “She did?” Mabel gasped.  Wendy nodded.

             “Yeah.  Mom always called it the ‘favor’ that she owed Dr. Angie.  She told me to keep an eye on Dr. Angie and help her out if she needed it.  Protect her.”

             “You’re protecting her?” Dipper asked.  “From what?”

             “You guys dragging her name through the mud!” Wendy stood up.  “Look, I’ve gotta go.  Talk to Dr. Angie about the laptop or whatever, but don’t go around accusing her of being the same guy who put Jonah in a cage.”  With that, Wendy stormed out of the Gift Shop.

             “I think we might have touched a nerve,” Soos said softly.  Dipper groaned and slapped his forehead.

             “I didn’t mean to offend Wendy!  I just can’t shake the feeling that Grauntie Angie knows more than she’s saying.”

             “She hasn’t had a chance to say much,” Mabel pointed out.  “She got back from her work thing last night and we still haven’t seen her.”

             “That’s a good point,” Dipper said.  “Where is she?”  As if on cue, Grunkle Stan poked his head into the Gift Shop.

             “Kids, Soos!” he barked.  All heads turned to face him.  “Angie went to run some errands this morning but hasn’t come back yet. Go see if you can track her down, okay?”

             “Why not call her cellphone?” Mabel asked. Stan scowled.

             “She doesn’t have it on her.”

             “Why not?”

             “She didn’t want it to get stolen.  Now, get outta here.  We’ve got tourists coming in a bit and I want Angie back before then.”

-----

             After half an hour of looking for Grauntie Angie at the stores Grunkle Stan said she might be at, there was still no sight of her.

             “Okay, I’m starting to get worried,” Soos said. “You don’t think a werewolf or fairy or something got her, do you?”

             “Grauntie Angie seems like she has magical street smarts,” Dipper said.  “I’m sure she’s fine.”  He frowned. “But it is weird that she’s not at any of the places Grunkle Stan said she would be at.”

             “Maybe she finished her errands and decided to go somewhere else,” Mabel suggested.  “Like, maybe she went to the museum?  She’s a scientist, she probably likes boring places like that.”

             “We’re near the museum right now,” Soos pointed out. “Want me to drive by just in case?”

             “It won’t hurt,” Dipper said with a shrug. Soos promptly jerked the wheel, causing the pickup to take a sharp U-turn.  He slowed down his speed as they drove past the museum.  “Uh, is that her?” Dipper asked nervously, pointing at the person collapsed on the sidewalk.  Soos slammed on the brakes and bolted out of the truck to be by Grauntie Angie’s side.

             “Dr. Angie!” he said desperately.  Grauntie Angie let out a soft moan.  She sat up, rubbing her forehead.  Dipper and Mabel exited the truck as well and came over. “Are you all right?”

             “I think so,” Grauntie Angie mumbled.  She looked around.  “I can’t quite recall why I’m here…”

             “Maybe you had a fall like old people do in those commercials,” Mabel suggested.  Grauntie Angie frowned.

             “Sweetheart, I ain’t nearly that frail yet.”  Soos stood up and helped Grauntie Angie to her feet.

             “Do you need water or food or-” he started. Grauntie Angie shook her head.

             “No, no, I’m fine.  Just confused.  And in pain from this headache.”  She let out a hiss and said something under her breath.

             “What language was that?” Dipper asked. Grauntie Angie looked at him.  “You muttered something just now, and it wasn’t in English.”

             “It was probably Irish,” Mabel said. Grauntie Angie nodded.

             “It was.  How’d ya know that?”

             “Well, Emily said she learned how to swear Irish from you.”

             “That’s news to me,” Grauntie Angie said after a moment.  “I never got ‘round to teachin’ the kids any Irish.  They just know the bits of Spanish Stan taught ‘em.”  She slumped against Soos.  “Jesus, would ya mind takin’ me back to the Shack?  I need some rest.”

             “Of course, Dr. Angie!”  Soos helped Grauntie Angie get into the truck.  Mabel and Dipper climbed into the back seat and buckled up.  Soos looked at Grauntie Angie nervously.  “Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked.  Grauntie Angie rolled her eyes.

             “Yes, Jesus, I’m fine.  A bit confused, I’ve got an awful headache, but other than that, fine.”

             “If you say so…”

             “Grauntie Angie, we’ve been waiting for you to get back,” Mabel piped up.  Grauntie Angie turned around in her seat to look at Mabel and Dipper.

             “Oh?”

             “We need your help to make a nixie trap.”

             “A nixie?”  Grauntie Angie’s tone was politely bemused.  “Now, what could that be?”

             “A kind of fae,” Dipper said.  Grauntie Angie nodded slowly.

             “I do have a lot of knowledge ‘bout the Fair Folk. My Pa, he says that our ancestors encountered ‘em a lot back in the old country.”

             “The old country?” Mabel asked.

             “Ireland.  That’s where my Pa’s fam’ly came from.  It’s why I know Irish.  My Pa taught me.  Humans and the Fair Folk coexist in Ireland in a way they don’t anywhere else.  More like neighbors than anything.  Neighbors what might kidnap yer child if ya don’t take the proper precautions, but neighbors nonetheless.”  A twinkle entered her eye.  “In fact, fam’ly tradition has it that one of the McGucket ancestors caught the eye of one of the Fair Folk, to the point that they had a child together.”

             “So you’re part fairy?” Mabel gasped.  Grauntie Angie chuckled.

             “Well, if the story’s true, yes, the blood of the Fair Folk runs through my veins.  But I don’t know fer sure, given that it ain’t one of the tests they give ya at the doctor’s.”

             “A nixie is specifically a frog-like fae,” Dipper said, putting the conversation back on track.  Grauntie Angie raised an eyebrow.

             “My doctorate is in herpetology.  I know quite a bit ‘bout frogs.”

             “That’s why we wanted your help.”

             “Well…”  Grauntie Angie sighed.  “I’m sorry, sugar-cubes, but I’ll have to turn ya down.  If the Fair Folk truly live ‘round here, it’d be quite foolish to draw their attention, let alone try to trap one of ‘em.  The Fair Folk ain’t the fluttery lil butterfly girlies ya see on TV. They’re dangerous.”

             “What do you mean ‘if’?” Soos asked.  Grauntie Angie looked at him.

             “All’s I have as proof the Fair Folk are here is Dipper and Mabel’s word.  I’d need to see ‘em fer myself to know it’s true.”  She glanced at the backseat.  “No disrespect, darlin’s, it’s just the scientist in me.”

             “But you have seen them,” Soos said slowly.

             “The only time I ever saw the Fair Folk was when the Headless Horseman showed up at the farm on Samhain when I was a girl.  I ain’t ever seen ‘em in Gravity Falls.”

             “You have!” Soos insisted.  Grauntie Angie frowned.  “You’ve told me about it!”

             “Jesus,” Grauntie Angie scolded, “I think I’d know if I’d seen the Fair Folk ‘round these parts.  And I haven’t.”

             “He’s telling the truth,” Mabel said.  Grauntie Angie sighed.

             “He roped ya into this, too?”

             “Grauntie Angie,” Dipper said, “the day after we got here, you told us to be careful in the forest, because you’d seen fairies growing mushroom rings.”  Grauntie Angie’s brow furrowed.

             “I don’t recall that at all.”  She shook her head.  “Y’all must be misrememeberin’.”

             “Or maybe…you are,” Dipper suggested. Grauntie Angie chuckled.

             “Not a chance, honey.  My mind’s like a steel trap.  Ain’t nothin’ goin’ to fall out of it.”  She yawned widely.  “Oof, I think I need a nap.”

             “Are you sure you’re fine?” Mabel pressed. Grauntie Angie rolled her eyes.

             “Yer worse than Stan!  Yes, I’m fine.”  She turned back to face the front.  Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look, the same thought running through their minds.

             She’s not fine.

-----

             By the time they pulled up to the Shack, Grauntie Angie had fallen asleep.

             “Dr. Angie,” Soos said nervously, poking her. Grauntie Angie grumbled something and turned away.  “Dudes, I don’t think she’s gonna wake up.”

             “Not if you try like that,” Mabel said.  “The best way to wake someone up is to pinch their nose shut.  That always works.”  Dipper side-eyed her.

             “How many times have you done that?” he asked.

             “Enough to know it works!” Mabel said cheerfully. “Try it, Soos.”  Soos reached over and pinched Grauntie Angie’s nose.  Promptly, she punched him in the face.  Soos let out a yelp and let go.  Grauntie Angie settled back, still asleep.  “Maybe she’s under some sorta spell?  That could explain why she was saying all that stuff about not seeing fairies.”  Mabel opened the back door and got out of the truck, closely followed by Dipper.

             “If she’s under some sort of sleeping spell, I don’t know if we’ll be able to wake her up,” Dipper said, paging through the Journal.  Soos got out of the truck as well.  He tenderly prodded his nose with a wince.  “Are you all right, Soos?”

             “I don’t think she broke it,” Soos said. “Dr. Angie’s stronger than I thought she would be.”

             “A lot of people make that mistake,” a voice said. Dipper, Mabel, and Soos looked over. At some point, Grunkle Stan had exited the Shack and joined them by the truck.  He looked at Grauntie Angie, his eyes soft with fondness.  “I was gonna ask why you three were just standing around shooting the breeze, but it’s pretty obvious.”  Grunkle Stan opened the truck door.  He carefully unbuckled Grauntie Angie and hefted her into his arms. “Angie’s always been a heavy sleeper. I’ll take it from here.”  He paused.  “And…thanks for getting her.”

             “No problem, Mr. Pines!” Soos said, saluting. Grunkle Stan grunted in response. “She was acting a bit weird earlier, though…”  Grunkle Stan frowned.

             “That’s normal for her.  She’s weird.”

             “No, not like-” Dipper said.  He blinked.  “How come you’re holding her just fine?”

             “Old people aren’t supposed to lift heavy things,” Mabel put in.

             “I’m not that old and Angie’s not that heavy.” Grunkle Stan adjusted his hold on Grauntie Angie.  “How was she acting earlier?”

             “She kept saying that she’d never seen a fairy before.  And she has! She’s told us about it!” Mabel said. Grunkle Stan furrowed his brow.

             “She also said she didn’t believe Bigfoot was real, which is weird, because the first week we were here, she told us she was stepping out to bring Bigfoot some iced tea,” Dipper added.

             “It’s like she has no memory of magical or supernatural creatures at all!” Soos said.  Grunkle Stan went pale.  “Mr. Pines? Are you all right?”

             “Yeah,” Grunkle Stan said in a tight voice.  He shifted Grauntie Angie around slightly again. “It’s just- I’m not used to carrying Angie for so long.”  He cleared his throat.  “She was probably just yanking your chains or something.  Now, get to work.  I’ve gotta put Angie in bed.”  Grunkle Stan turned around and marched back to the Shack.  When he got to the porch, he sighed heavily.  “Soos, come get the door.”

             “On it, Mr. Pines!”  Soos sprinted away.  Dipper and Mabel exchanged an unnerved look.

             “Is it just me, or did Grunkle Stan look worried about Grauntie Angie not remembering the weirdness of Gravity Falls?” Dipper asked.  Mabel shook her head.

             “It’s not just you, Dipdop.  But it might not mean anything.  He might just be worried ‘cause she’s his wife.  Y’know?”

             “Yeah.”

             “I hope Grauntie Angie is all right.”  Mabel perked up.  “Maybe she just needed a nap for her brain to work.  That happens to me all the time.”

             “Yeah, I know,” Dipper said.  Mabel punched him playfully.  They both laughed and went inside.

-----

             Soos made his goodbyes and left the Shack. Mabel turned the sign on the door over so that it read “CLOSED”.  She turned to face Dipper and Emily, who were completing the end-of-day tasks.

             “Emily?”

             “What’s up, lil cuz?” Emily asked, looking up from the register, where she was counting out the day’s profits.

             “How’s Grauntie Angie doing?  She seemed a bit…off earlier.”

             “Dad’s checking on her now, since she’s been sleeping most of the day.”  There was a bloodcurdling scream from somewhere in the house.  Mabel and Dipper jumped.

             “What was that?” Mabel squeaked.

             “Should we, uh, look into that?” Dipper asked. Emily had gone as pale as a sheet. “Emily?”

             “That sounded like Ma,” she whispered.  She swallowed.  “I’m gonna go check it out, you kids stay here.”  She headed for the entryway to the living room.  Before she could take more than a few steps, however, Grunkle Stan appeared, panting heavily.  “Dad, was that Ma?”

             “She was just a bit, uh, a bit disoriented when she woke up,” Grunkle Stan said.  Emily frowned.  “She’s not used to sleeping for so long in the middle of the day, so she was confused and thought she saw something…abnormal.”

             “Really?” Emily asked, crossing her arms.  “That doesn’t pass the smell test, Dad.” Grunkle Stan glared at her.

             “Don’t question me, squirt.  I need you to go do something.”

             “Is it because I talked back?”

             “No, I was gonna ask you to do it anyways.”  Grunkle Stan glanced at Dipper and Mabel briefly before focusing on Emily again.  “I need you to go see Gobby.”  Emily’s eyes widened.

             “Why?”

             “Your ma isn’t feeling very well.  Ask Gobby if she can think of a reason for it.”

             “What are her symptoms?”

             “I’ll call you on your way.”

             “I didn’t finish the stuff with the register-”

             “I’ll take care of it, just get going,” Grunkle Stan said impatiently.  He handed Emily a set of car keys.  “Take the Stanleymobile.”  Emily swallowed nervously and nodded.

             “Got it.”  She exited the Gift Shop.  Grunkle Stan turned to Dipper and Mabel.

             “Go to your room.”

             “Who’s Gobby?” Mabel asked.

             “An old friend.  Go to your room.”

             “We didn’t finish-” Dipper started.  Grunkle Stan rolled his eyes.

             “Kid, I’m letting you get out of your chores for the day.”

             “But-”

             “No buts,” Grunkle Stan snapped.  “Go to your room and read that weird book or make a new sweater or whatever, okay?  I’ll close things up.”

             “But-” Dipper tried again.  Grunkle Stan glared at him.  “…Okay.”  Dipper and Mabel headed into the living room and upstairs into the attic.  “That was weird.”

             “Yeah…”  Dipper looked at Mabel.  She seemed thoughtful.

             “What is it?”

             “Emily told me the other day that when Grunkle Stan gets nervous or worried, he tries to take care of everything himself.” Mabel met Dipper’s eyes.  “He does all the chores, all the cooking, all the work for the Shack, and he won’t let anyone help him.”

             “You think he’s worried?  About what?”

             “Grauntie Angie!  Doy!”

             “Oh.”  Dipper rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.  “Right.”

             “Hopefully, he’s overreacting,” Mabel said.  “I’d really hate if there was something wrong with Grauntie Angie.”

             “Same.”  The engine of the Stanleymobile roared to life.  Dipper and Mabel raced over to the window to watch Emily drive away.  For once, the radio wasn’t blasting so loudly that they could hear it from where they stood.  “But I’ve got a bad feeling about it, Mabel.”

             “Me, too.”

-----

             The bell over the door to the Gift Shop jingled. Dipper and Mabel looked up from their chores.  A tall young man with long blond hair in a ponytail stood in the doorway.

             “Junior!” Mabel shouted excitedly.  Stanley Pines Junior, Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie’s oldest child, smiled weakly at her.

             “Hey there, kiddo,” he said.  Of Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie’s kids, Junior was the one Dipper and Mabel saw the most after Emily.  Junior ran a car dealership that doubled as a mechanic shop, and Grunkle Stan had a tendency to tell Dipper and Mabel to go help his son out on days where business for the Shack was slow.  Luckily, Junior was more easy-going than Grunkle Stan, so working for him wasn’t that bad.

             “What’s going on?” Dipper asked.  “Why are you here?”  Junior was too busy with his children and shop to come by the Shack often. The sight of him was either a very good thing or a very bad thing.

             “Dad said Ma isn’t doing too well.”  Junior rubbed the long, thin nose he had inherited from Grauntie Angie.  “He asked me to come by and see what I could do.”

             “Why would he ask you?” Dipper asked.  “I thought you just worked on cars.”

             “Why he asked for my help doesn’t matter,” Junior said firmly.  “You kids should get back to work.  I’ve gotta talk to my folks.”  He strode through the Gift Shop and disappeared into the living room.  Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look.

             “It is weird that Grunkle Stan asked Junior to help with Grauntie Angie, right?” Dipper asked.  Mabel nodded.

             “Yes, it is.  I mean, she’s been sick for a week now.  They should take her to the doctor, not have Junior come over.”  She rubbed her chin thoughtfully.  “Unless Junior is going to drive them both to the doctor.”

             “Grunkle Stan won’t take Grauntie Angie to the doctor,” Dipper said.  “He told me the other day that he doesn’t trust them.”

             “Yep, that sounds like our Grunkle Stan,” Mabel said. Soft voices carried from somewhere in the house.  

             “Wanna eavesdrop?” Dipper asked.  Mabel threw aside the broom she had been sweeping with.

             “Duh!” she scoffed.  “Let’s go, bro-bro!”  Dipper set down his own broom and the two scampered out of the Gift Shop and into the living room.  They snuck down the hall to Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie’s bedroom.  The door was ajar.

             “Ma, you don’t remember?” Junior’s voice asked.

             “I’ve been told, but I ain’t seen it with my own eyes, so’s I can’t confirm it,” Grauntie Angie said.  Dipper looked at Mabel in horror.  Her eyes were wide with concern as well.  Grauntie Angie sounded incredibly weak.  Like she was on death’s doorstep.  “I…I’ve seen you ‘n yer sister ‘n Stan, but I ain’t seen it with me.”

             “Angie, you’ve gotta believe me,” Grunkle Stan’s voice said desperately.  “If you don’t…”  He trailed off.

             “I’m sorry, darlin’, but I can’t.  Not without proof.  You know how I am.”

             “Yeah.  Yeah, I do.” Grunkle Stan took a deep breath. “Junior, did you find out anything about memory junk?”

             “I asked around.  I guess there are some freaks in red cloaks that mess with people’s minds for some reason.  That’s the only possible explanation I could come up with fer what happened to Ma.”

             “Red cloaks?” Emily’s voice asked.

             “Aw, shit,” Grunkle Stan swore.  He groaned loudly.  “It’s that damn thing Fiddlenerd got mixed up in.”

             “Whattaya mean?” Junior asked.

             “Wait, why’d you call him Fiddlenerd?” Emily asked.

             “Old habit.  And, well…”  Grunkle Stan sighed.  “It’s a long story, but I guess that cult your uncle started never went away.”

             “He started a cult?!” Emily demanded.

             “I’ll tell you later.  After you get back from finding Fiddlenerd.  Bring him here.”

             “You got it, Dad,” Junior said.  There was a sound like someone getting up from a chair. As quietly as they could, Dipper and Mabel raced back to the Gift Shop.  They picked up their brooms again and pretended to sweep.  Shortly after, Junior and Emily walked into the Gift Shop.

             “Are you guys going somewhere?” Mabel asked. Emily ruffled her hair playfully.

             “It’s top secret, cuz,” she said with a wink. “When we get back, though, I’ll play with you, okay?”  She and Junior left.  Mabel and Dipper looked at each other.

             “Where’s Soos?” Dipper asked.

             “Grunkle Stan told him to replace the rotting boards on the outhouse,” Mabel answered.  Dipper dropped his broom.

             “Good.  Grunkle Stan won’t get suspicious he’s not in the Gift Shop, then,” Dipper said.  Mabel cocked her head curiously.  “Junior and Emily are looking for Old Man McGucket, but I don’t know if that’s the right move.  We need to go to where this whole thing started.  The museum.”  Mabel grinned and dropped her broom as well.

             “Normally, I don’t like museums, but if there’s an adventure involved, you can count me in!”

-----

             Wendy was waiting for them when they got to the museum.  She looked up from her phone as they rushed over to her.

             “All right, what’s going on?” she asked.  “All the text from Soos said was to come here.”

             “Grauntie Angie’s sick,” Dipper said.  Wendy’s eyes widened.  “She started getting weak and everything after we found her here, so we thought it would be a good place to start.”

             “Huh.”  Wendy looked at the museum entrance.  “I did just see Old Man McGucket go in.”

             “Wait, really?” Dipper asked.  Wendy nodded.  “Why would he know to be here?”  Wendy shrugged.

             “Grunkle Stan said something about Old Man McGucket being involved with a cult,” Mabel pointed out.  Wendy’s mouth dropped open.

             “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said.

             “No, that is what we heard Grunkle Stan say,” Dipper confirmed.  He frowned. “But what could that have to do with Grauntie Angie being sick?”

             “Only one way to find out,” Wendy said.  She opened the door.  “Let’s track that guy down.”

-----

             Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy walked through the empty, darkened halls of the museum.  They had yet to see someone who didn’t turn out to actually be a poorly made statue.

             “Where could he be?” Dipper asked.  Mabel shrugged.  Wendy came to a stop.  She held out her arm, stopping the others as well.

             “Do you hear that?” she whispered.  Soft muttering sounded from a nearby room. “That’s gotta be him.”  Mabel snuck over to the room and stuck her head in.

             “Hi, Old Man McGucket!” she said loudly.  Old Man McGucket let out a shocked yelp.  The others came over as well.  “What are you doing here?” Mabel asked.

             “Uh, just- just checkin’ out my fav’rite room in the museum,” Old McGucket said in a tight voice.  Dipper looked around.  The room was full of eyes.  Paintings, statues, even eyeballs in jars.  Adding to the sinister atmosphere was the only source of light: a crackling fireplace.

             “Really?” Dipper asked flatly.  “This is your favorite room?”  Old Man McGucket crossed his arms, scowling.

             “I reckon I ought to ask y’all what yer doin’ here, too,” he said shortly.  “If’n I recall correctly, all four of ya ‘re s’pposed to be workin’ at the Mystery Shack right about now.”

             “We’re on a rescue mission!” Mabel said.  Old Man McGucket frowned.

             “A rescue mission?  What for?”

             “Dr. Angie,” Wendy said.  Old Man McGucket’s eyes widened.  “She’s sick.”

             “And y’all came to the museum to help her ‘cause…” Old Man McGucket prompted, his voice wavering.

             “She only got sick after we found her here,” Soos answered.  “She was on the sidewalk and had a headache and couldn’t remember what happened.” Old Man McGucket’s shoulders drooped.

             “I can’t believe it,” he whispered.  “They- they went after her?”  He rubbed his eyes.  “No, I- I can believe it.  She’s always been mixed up in the weirdness ‘round here.”

             “Uh, what are you talking about?” Mabel asked. Old Man McGucket sighed.

             “I’ve been lyin’ to you kids,” he confessed. “I know more ‘n I’ve been lettin’ on.” He walked over to the fireplace and stared into the flames, his gaze a thousand miles away.  “I first came to this town over thirty years ago to help someone out.  But I couldn’t- I couldn’t handle this town’s oddities.  They were too much fer me.  So’s I- I came up with a way to forget ‘em.  If I could go back in time, I’d destroy the darned thing.  All’s it did was ruin my life, make me lose m’self. Turn my memory into a block of Swiss cheese.”

             “Okay, but what does that have to do with Dr. Angie?” Wendy asked.  Old Man McGucket sighed again.

             “I figured I weren’t the only person in town what wanted to forget somethin’ horrible they’d seen.  So’s I started goin’ ‘round, helpin’ folks forget.  But things- things got out of hand.”

             “It turned into a cult?” Mabel prompted.  Old Man McGucket whipped his head around to stare at her.  “We overheard Grunkle Stan say something about you and a cult.”

             “…Yes,” Old Man McGucket said softly.  “Yes, it turned into a cult.  Thanks to Angie ‘n Stan, I got out of it, but I guess the other members kept it goin’.  They hid it well enough I didn’t realize until recently, when I caught one of ‘em sneakin’ through the alley by the junkyard.”

             “Grauntie Angie and Grunkle Stan got you out of the cult?” Dipper asked.  Old Man McGucket nodded.

             “Without ‘em, my mind would be an even bigger mess ‘n it already is.”  He scowled. “If what ya say is correct, that Angie woke up outside the museum with a headache and no memory of how she got there, the Blind Eye Society was definitely responsible.  They must’ve wiped her memories after they caught her witnessin’ somethin’ paranormal.”

             “The Blind Eye Society?” Soos asked.

             “The name I came up fer the…”  Old Man McGucket winced.  “…cult.”

             “So how do we fix all this?” Wendy asked.  “I mean, it’s nice to know the problem, but it’s not super useful unless we also know the solution.  Y’know?”

             “If’n they ain’t changed things, then the memories should be stored in a secret room under the museum,” Old Man McGucket said. “But I can’t quite recall how to get there.  All’s I remember is that this room is the key.”  He shivered.  “It’s awful difficult to try to remember, with all these eyes starin’ at me.”

             “Wait…”  Dipper took a second look at the many eyes in the room.  “They are staring at you!”  Every single eye in the room was pointed in Old Man McGucket’s direction. “Move aside.”

             “If ya insist,” Old Man McGucket muttered. He took a step to the left, revealing a triangular stone with an eye carved on it.  This eye was staring straight ahead.  Dipper walked up to the stone and pushed it.  There was a loud shudder from the fireplace.  Everyone turned around, watching as the fireplace slid to the side, revealing a staircase.

             “Whoa,” Mabel gasped.

             “Thanks fer findin’ that,” Old Man McGucket said. “Who knows how long it might’ve taken me to figure out on my own?”  He frowned. “Yer all plannin’ on comin’ with, ain’t ya?”

             “Yep.”

             “Yes.”

             “Duh.”

             “Yeah!”

             “Of course,” Old Man McGucket sighed.  He crossed his arms.  “All right.  I think I can lead us to where they keep the memories from here, but I want y’all to stick close to me.  No wanderin’ off.  And most importantly, don’t look at any memories ya find.”

             “Aw, buzzkill!” Wendy whined.  Old Man McGucket scowled.

             “It ain’t right to pry into someone’s private memories.  Understand?”

             “Yes,” everyone muttered.

             “Good.”  Old Man McGucket turned to somberly face the staircase.  “Good.”

-----

             They stood before a set of large wooden doors. The top of the door was carved to looked like a massive eye, with a hydraulic tube going through the eye’s pupil. While the doors were intimidating by their mere size, there was an added uneasy air from the red spray paint crossing out the eye.

             “Now, if’n I recall proper, this is the Hall of the Forgotten,” Old Man McGucket said.  He took a deep breath and pushed the doors open.  Everyone but Old Man McGucket let out a soft gasp at the sight of the massive room.

             “Whoa.”

             “What are all these things?” Dipper asked, picking up one of the many glass tubes laying around in piles.  He squinted at it.  “It’s got Robbie’s name on it.”

             “Then Robbie’s memories were erased at some point,” Old Man McGucket replied.

             “These tubey things are memories?” Mabel asked. Old Man McGucket nodded.  “…How?”

             “Let me see if…”  Old Man McGucket looked around.  “Ah-ha!”  He walked over to a large pile of memory tubes.  At the foot of the pile was a strange device that looked like a futuristic ray gun of some sort.  On top of the gun was a compartment that held one of the tubes.  He picked it up.  “You enter in this here gun what it is ya want to forget.  Once it’s fired, those memories are saved in a tube.”

             “How do you get your memories back, if they’re in a tube?” Wendy asked.

             “Oh, ya put it in a special TV to watch it.” Old Man McGucket gestured towards a strange television tucked away in the corner of the room.

             “And that gives you your memories back?” Dipper said slowly.  Old Man McGucket shrugged.

             “Sort of.”

             “I found it!” Mabel called.  The others looked over.  Mabel stood in front of an ominous stone statue of a hooded man with outstretched arms.  Above the statue was a shelf with multiple memory tubes.  “Grauntie Angie’s memory thingy is right here!  And so is Old Man McGucket’s!”

             “Do ya have to call me that?” Old Man McGucket muttered.  He blinked. “Wait, they’ve got some of my memories?”

             “Guess so,” Mabel said with a shrug.  She grabbed two memory tubes, then threw one to Old Man McGucket.  “If you have to watch these in order to get your memories back, how is it going to help Grauntie Angie?”  Mabel’s eyes widened.  “Do we need to take the TV, too?”

             “No, I think there’s still one in the Mystery Shack’s basement,” Old Man McGucket said.

             “The Shack has a basement?” Dipper asked.  Old Man McGucket nodded.  Dipper looked at Soos and Wendy.  “Did you guys know that?”

             “Nope.”

             “I had no idea, dude.”

             “Stan can show ya when ya get there, then,” Old Man McGucket said.  He sighed softly, looking around the room.  “I really tarred it up, didn’t I?  All sorts of good folks ‘re gettin’ their memories erased all over town. ‘Cause of me.”  A determined look settled on his face.  “Guess I’ll have to clean up the mess what I made.”

             “Uh, you’re gonna take down a cult on your own?” Wendy asked.  Old Man McGucket chuckled.

             “Oh, no.  Don’t worry, I know some folks what can help me out.”

             “Who?”

             “That ain’t information fer you to know.”  Old Man McGucket took a deep breath.  “But I will come clean ‘bout somethin’.  It’s the least I can do fer yer help in findin’ my mem’ries and wantin’ to help my baby sister.”  He closed his eyes.  “I did make that laptop.”

             “I knew it!” Dipper said, punching the air. “But…why did you lie, then?”

             “I didn’t want you children to get mixed up in what awful things that laptop comes with.  But it’s pretty obvious that yer goin’ to be in trouble no matter what, so I might as well tell y’all the truth.”

             “Then- are you the Author?” Dipper asked.  Old Man McGucket frowned.

             “Author?  Of what?”

             “I found this journal in the woods and-” Dipper reached for the pocked in his vest where he kept the Journal.  Nothing was there.  “Dang it! We were in too much of a hurry to leave; I forgot it back at the Shack!”

             “I think…” Old Man McGucket said slowly.  “I think I know what yer referrin’ to.  The book had research on the supernatural things here in Gravity Falls?”  Dipper and Mabel nodded.  A shadow crossed Old Man McGucket’s face.  “I reckon I used to know the Author.  But I can’t quite recall.  I- I can almost hear his voice, almost see his face, but I might need some time ‘fore I remember who he was.”

             “Once you remember, will you tell us who he is?” Mabel asked.

             “Only if I know the answer won’t put ya in danger. And given the lengths I’ve gone to forget him, I get the feelin’ that danger is a close friend of his.”  Old Man McGucket shook his head.  “Ya best get goin’.  My baby sister needs her memories back.”  He stared down at the memory tube in his hands.  “Y’all can leave without me.”  His fingers brushed his name on the label.  “I thought I remembered just ‘bout everything, but clearly I’ve got some left to do.”

             “Are you sure you can find your way home?” Soos asked.  Old Man McGucket chuckled.  He put the memory tube underneath his hat.

             “You’d be surprised what this ole feller can find.”

             “So is that a yes?” Soos asked slowly.  Old Man McGucket nodded.  “Oh.  Good.” Soos turned to Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy. “Let’s go bring Dr. Angie’s memories back to her!”

-----

             “All right, we’ve gotta get this to Grauntie Angie!” Dipper shouted as he burst through the door of the Gift Shop, closely followed by Mabel, Soos, and Wendy.

             “What are ya gettin’ to me?” Grauntie Angie asked. Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy froze. “If it’s a gift, ya don’t need to get me anything,” Grauntie Angie continued.  She was standing by the vending machine, whose door was currently open. “I’m just goin’ to grab m’self a quick snack ‘fore I went out.”

             “Grauntie Angie, you’re- you’re all right!” Mabel squealed in delight.  She rushed over to Grauntie Angie, tackling her in a hug.  Grauntie Angie chuckled, ruffling Mabel’s hair.

             “Were ya concerned I wouldn’t be?” she asked.

             “You’ve been bedridden for days,” Dipper pointed out.

             “Hmm, that’s true,” Grauntie Angie conceded. “But-”  She paused.  “Jesus, are you cryin’?” she asked.  Soos wiped away his tears.

             “I’m just so glad that you’re not sick anymore, Dr. Angie,” he sobbed.  Grauntie Angie tsked sympathetically.

             “Honey, ya don’t need to cry over me.  It’s okay.”

             “How’d you get better so fast?” Wendy asked. “Dipper and Mabel said you were doing really bad this morning.”  Grauntie Angie beamed at Grunkle Stan, who was closing the door to the vending machine.

             “Stanley’s just quite excellent at nursin’ me back to health,” she cooed.  She stood on her tiptoes to kiss Grunkle Stan on the cheek.  Mabel and Dipper grimaced, grossed out by the public display of affection. “Thank you fer yer help, darlin’. I better go.  Who knows what state the lake is in after I left it alone fer so long?”

             “Oh, yeah, those frogs go nuts when you’re not around to keep them in check,” Grunkle Stan replied.  Grauntie Angie giggled.  “Junior’s gonna come by in a few minutes if you wanna wait for him to give you a ride.”

             “Excellent idea, my dear.”  Grauntie Angie smiled at Dipper and Mabel.  “I’ll catch up with the two of ya later, okay?”  She left the Gift Shop, the bell over the door jingling with her exit.  Dipper turned to Grunkle Stan, who was staring at the door wistfully.

             “Seriously, how did she get better so quickly?” he asked.

             “You heard her,” Grunkle Stan said.  He grinned.  “I’m good at taking care of my wife.  Wouldn’t still be married if I wasn’t.”

             “But-” Dipper started.

             “I gotta go work on the newest exhibit,” Grunkle Stan said, talking over Dipper.  “I’ve been too busy with Angie to finish it up.”  He went through the “Staff Only” door, disappearing into the house. Dipper frowned thoughtfully.

             “Dipper,” Mabel said in a warning tone.  “I don’t like that look on your face.”

             “I can’t shake the feeling that Grauntie Angie is hiding something,” Dipper said quietly.  Mabel gasped.

             “Are you gonna watch her memories?  We promised Old Man McGucket we wouldn’t!”

             “Old Man McGucket isn’t here,” Dipper retorted. “Her memories could answer the biggest mystery in this town!”  He reached for the pocket he had put Grauntie Angie’s memory tube.  Nothing was there.  “Uh oh.”

             “Uh oh?” Mabel said.  “What’s uh oh?”

             “I don’t have her memory tube.”

             “What?!  Did you drop it somewhere?”

             “I don’t think I did!” Dipper said.  He dragged his hands down his face.  “We’ll have to retrace our steps to find it!” Wendy’s phone chirped.  She took it out of her pocket and blinked in surprise.

             “I got a text from Emily.”

             “What’s it say?” Mabel asked.  Wendy squinted at her phone’s screen.

             “Huh.  They tracked down Old Man McGucket and apparently the tube fell out of your pocket or whatever before we left.  He’s got it, so we don’t need to look for it.”

             “Oh.”  Dipper sighed.  “I guess that’s good.”

             “Uh, duh, it’s good that Dr. Angie’s memories aren’t on a sidewalk somewhere,” Wendy said, rolling her eyes. She pulled the brim of Dipper’s hat down over his eyes.  “Dork.” Dipper laughed.  “I’m gonna go wait outside with Dr. Angie.  I bet I can get Junior to give me a ride back home.”

             “Bye, Wendy!” Mabel called.  Wendy grinned and went outside.  Mabel looked at Dipper.  “Maybe it’s for the best that we accidentally left without the memory thing.  This way, you can’t sneak around and watch Grauntie Angie’s memories without permission!”  Dipper rubbed his arm, abashed.

             “Yeah,” he mumbled.  He sighed.  “I just want to find out what she’s hiding!”

             “Is she hiding anything?” Mabel asked.  “I mean, we haven’t really been able to ask her about what she knows about the Journal.”

             “Good point,” Dipper muttered.  His eyes shot open.  “The Journal!”

             “Oh, it’s over here, dude,” Soos said.  Dipper and Mabel looked over.  Soos held the Journal up in one hand.  “It was behind the checkout counter.”

             “I left it next to the register, though,” Dipper said.  Soos shrugged.

             “Maybe Mr. Pines put it somewhere a tourist wouldn’t see it and want to buy it,” he suggested.  Dipper frowned.  “Or Dr. Angie moved it.”

             “That’s more likely,” Dipper said.

             “Soos, kids!” Grunkle Stan’s voice shouted from somewhere.  “Get back to work!”  Dipper and Mabel groaned.  “I heard that!”

[lordofhunger47]

Stan Who?

“Should one of us pretend to be a ghost?”

“Stanley…”

“OR! One of us can pretend to be a zombie and THEN! together we do that famous dance from the 90s with some outdated disco cloth_”

“STANLEY!”

“What!? At least I don’t wear a coat like I’m going to someone’s funeral!”

Ford rolled his eyes at his twin brother’s antics as they walked toward their other brother’s house, Shermie pines. Truly even in something as serious as telling their brother that not only his deceased sibling is alive, but also he pretended to be the other, his twin finds a way to make him forget about the incoming storm momentary.

After the Weirdmaggedon, the older Pines Twin decided to go on a trip with their boat together sailing around the world as they dreamt of when they were kids;however, they met with… complications concerning their identities during their travels.

First of all Dipper and Mabel’s parents for all they knew have sent their kids to Stanford not Stanley, secondly Shermie for all he knew the real Stanley died in a car crash and not least of all, people kept mistaking one to the other.

Ford found out about it to his irritation when he once tried to travel to a state before learning that his brother, even when he had… ‘burrowed’ his name, has managed to make himself banned to numerous states, since then he never let his brother live that out.

A Few months ago, On a deck near Portland…

 

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT YOURSELF BANNED WITH MY NAME BY TRAFFICKING PUGS!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!?” Ford shouted in outrage over the phone as Stan cringed and nearly got deaf by the sheer volume.

 

Or like that time when Ford got kidnapped by gangsters for believing that he was Stan, while Stan got kidnapped by some extra dimensional aliens thinking that he was Ford.

 

A month after the pug fiasco…

 

Somewhere in Columbia…

“Again I’m telling you, you have mistaken me for my twin!” Ford said in exasperation as he was rope to a chair in a deteriorated room in front of a dirty weared Columbian man with a shaggy beard, who he later finds out that is secretly a fan of Ducktective.

“You think you are being funny american? I watched a show with the same plot twist, if you are trying to con your way out, at least be original!”

“Gaaaaah!” this time, Ford groaned in exasperation

Somewhere else…

“You will tell us where your Quantum Destabilizer is!” BANG sound on a table Said a tall humanoid green bug with red eyes in front of Stan who is in handcuffs in what looks like some sci fi-scifi place with all the weird and alien tech geeks dreams about.

“Look gu-bug or whatever, you have mistaken me for someone else, I’m just a honest business man, I’m innocent!”

“You are anything BUT innocent!” The bug shoved a tablet with a picture of a wanted poster to his face, which had the picture of an Amphibian that for some weird reason wore Ford’s coat.

“Wait wait, sorry, wrong poster” quickly the alien did some changes in his tablet “I meant THIS!” this time shoved the tablet with a wanted poster of Ford’s face on it with a list of crimes, some of which includes:

Possession of an Infinite dice

Having more fingers than anyone That’s a hate crime!

Associating with a wanted drunk sociopathic criminal  Puff, you have a thing for psychoes, Sixer!

Stealing valuable materials

Teaching maths  Okay, now this is just ridiculous

Starting a revolution and overthrowing a government  Now THAT’S something!

Secretly having a relationship with a royalty  OHOHO!Never thought you had it in you!~

Rubbing an interstellar casino  Not so different, are we Poindexter?

And the list continued, “What do you have to say, milk drinker!” the alien bug spoke in a accusive tone.

“...I know I should be annoyed, but I feel too proud. “ Stan replied with almost teary eyes due to how proud he was of his dear brother. 

 

Needless to say, that was the last straw. So, they decided to change their official names back. It took some bribing, threatening with a blaster and brass knuckles and fake and real documents, yet they managed to return their original names.

Now they are in the hard part of their work, telling the family about.

Obviously, they couldn’t just tell them that Ford got stuck in the multiverse for the past 30 years or mention any of the weirdness, so they made an elaborate made-up story about Ford being involved in some government project and him getting isolated in a room for a long time in coma due to the radiations he absorbed, hence why he wasn’t shown for so long. The hard part is explaining why Stan pretended to be Ford for the past 30 years and for the sake of convenience, they chose to do this gradually starting with Shermie.

“In case you may have forgotten, this is no time for pranks!” Ford uttered.

“Yeah, yeah. I don’t plan to give Shermie a heart attack. At least I’m not the guy who is wanted in 9000 dimensions for stealing.” Stan stated in a humorous tone.

“That was only for science and finding a way to end Bill!” Ford protested.

Somewhere in the multiverse, years ago…

 

“Weee are the champions, my friendsss and weee’ll keep on fighting ‘till the ennnnd~”

Ford sang as he was walking inside of an ancient tomb, while casually doging the traps.

 

Back to the present…

“PUFF! That’s nothing compared to the list of other stuff I saw, Admit it Sixer, you love being a bad boy!”

“I don’t call being lost in the multiverse as a fun time.” Ford told Stan, blandly.

“Yeah, it wasn’t all fun during my younger days as a con-artist either, Still it seems to me that I have a competition in being the black sheep of the family!” Stan let out chuckles.

Ford wanted to protest, but there was no time as they became closer to Shermie’s home which was in an urban area with a small garden area with not much remarkable characteristics, other than having an old sense of fashion and look like a typical Grandfather house.

“Are you sure it is wise to start with Shermie?” Ford inquired.

“Trust me, he may be a bit cranky but he is a softie; besides, better him first than the kids’ parents.” Stan shuddered, let’s just say Dipper and Mabel’s mother can make even Manly Dan flinch with her gaze and probably used to be an interrogator, as for the kids' father? Not as bad but not good either.

“Fine, but remember we do this subtly.” Ford replied.

“Just let me do the talk.” Stan assured Ford.

When they reached the house, as they planned, Stan pushed the ring of the door, while Ford hid behind the door. Footsteps have been heard which clearly were the sound of Shermie’s walking as then, the door has been opened with the puzzled look of Shermie Pines.

“Stanley? What are you doing here?” asked the confused Shermie, though he didn’t shared the same womb with Stan and Ford during the birth at the same time, he had some characteristics of them combined with their father such as a grey hair with almost the same colour as Ford, their father’s nose and having an almost rectangle like head, with some differences like white lines on his hair.

“Hi ya sport! I have a surprise for you…” to Ford’s surprise Stan grabs him and brings him over “GUESS WHO AIN'T DEAD!” Ford tried to smile nervously. That's not subtle at all! Ford thought anxiously.

After a minute of silence as everything sat still with just the sound of the birds, “WHAT!?” Shermie’s exclamation interrupted the birds' peaceful activities.

“BUT_WHA–”

“And that’s not just that! See the fingers?” Stan forcefully brought Ford’s hand. “He is the REAL Stanford, and I’M THE one and only Stanley! Not that geek I once punched by the way!” 

“BUT- you had your extra fingers removed!”

“All part of the prank!” Stan commented as he grinned What in the name of Axolotl are doing!? Ford thought in panic.

 

“But I saw your scars!” Shermie objected.

“ALLL made up! Real man isn’t afraid of doing some self-inflicted scars! Totally wasn’t by accident!” Stan refuted Shermie’s reasoning.

 

“Accident?” Ford questioned Stan.

“Bu-wha-hu?” Shermie kept babbling as his expression kept being erratically contorted.

“I think you broke him…” Ford said in warry.

“Wait for it…” Stan noted, except the reaction Shermie did was not what he expected as he expected him to cry.

Minutes past until “I-I-I’M GONNA MURDER ALL!” Shermie declared as his face changed to anger and suddenly moved toward Stan.

“Okay That’s not what I-GRKKK” Stan failed to finish as Shermie hold his throat by one of his hands, Ford tried to react but then Shermie with his other hand ramped around Ford’s throat.

“YOU BASTARD! HOW LONG YOU’VE BEEN IN THIS CHARADE!?”

“Since the-gkk- 30 years ago?” Stan state with a shy tone.

“30 YEARS!? YOU’VE BEEN FOOLING AROUND FOR 30 GODDAMN YEARS?!” Shermie’s grip on Stan got tighter to his discomfort.

“GRkK-Ford help!--” Stan uttered to Ford as Ford fearfully moved his head in a sign of Nope.

“AND YOU!” Ford winced at Shermie’s voice.

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!? BUSY STALKING THE LOCH-NESS MONSTER!?” 

“We can explai-GK!” Shermie’s hold on Ford has become stronger when Ford tried to reason.

That was when they realized they were screwed.

 

One explanation and tough playing later…

“GAH!” 

“YAHOO!”

What was heard was the exclaimed sounds of Ford and Stan as cold water was showering them from Shermie’s pipe, no need to say they weren’t enjoying this.

“I can’t believe all this time my grandkids instead of being under the wing of the well-educated brother of mine WERE learning pickpocketing from MY CONMAN OF A BROTHER!” Shermie remarked in a furious tone, his face has gone red.

“Look, I get that you are mad-YYEH! TOO COLD!” Stan again got attacked by an onslaught of a cold watery pipe.

“MAD?Nonono, I’M BEYOND FURIOUS!I knew you were a conman but petending to be your twin for decades? That's low, even for YOU!” Shermie retorted in anger, after which he turned his gaze to Ford.

“AND YOU!”

“AAAAH!” Ford moved his hands defensively to block the attack, except that didn't happen.

“DON’T THINK YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK! EVEN BEFORE THIS, YOU RARELY VISITED BECAUSE “Oh my research is so important! Only I understand the integrity of sasquatches' feet on mud and their mating season!, the universe revolves around me! I'm the chosen one to bring balance!” Well, thanks to you both I just broke one of my pots so either you both pay for it or I WILL HAVE BOTH OF YOUR ASSES PADDLED MERCILESSLY!” They cringed at the retort as Shermie shut down the pipe and started walking furiously toward his home, leaving both Stan and Ford wet like sewer rats.

“....Well it could have been worse.” Stan said in a joking tone to alleviate the atmosphere, only to receive a glare from Ford.

“Next time… I will do the talking!” Ford noted to Stan as Stan looked a bit embrassed.

 

A few days later in piedmont…

“And that’s how we managed to reconcile with your Grandpa!” Stan announced to the live video of Dipper and Mabel who were currently in school from a computer.

“I wish it could have been less intense… still…I’m glad you all managed to get along!” Mabel retorted, being the twin who always sees the bright side.

“But wait, what about our parents? How did that go?” Dipper quiz, Always being the curious twin.

“Well, It was a bit heated but I managed to manage the situation before it escalated.” Ford answered.

“So no worries, your Grunkles are going to be jussst fine!” Stan reassures them, only for him to jinx it as the door of the room violently opens.

What they met was the outraged gaze of Dipper and Mabel’s parents as they looked particularly at Stan, the mother having the scariest gaze Stan ever saw as she sent chills to him from her cold fury.

“Care to explain THIS?” The resentful mother brought a phone which had the video of Dipper in his werewolf suit as girls were dropping money on him back in the Mystery Shack. Apparently one of the girls took a video of it and posted it on her account.

“Well gulping it’s a funny story…” Stan tried desperately to look unsuspicious, which failed as the mother’s cold gaze made him squirm from finishing it.

Ford let out a groan, knowing their fate had been sealed, This couldn't get any worse...

“Oh Hi mom, dad!” Mabel shook her hand in a gesture of hello “Did Grunkle Ford tell you that he gave me a crossbow?” Dipper facepalmed at his twin as the parents shrieked in rage at Stan and Ford.

This is going to be a LOOONG day Stan thought as he and Ford were being chewed alive by the angry couple.

Note:This my first crack fic, so constructive criticism is welcomed.

By the way, I secretly made references to two brands and made mentions of Journal 3, catch them if you can!

[nour386]

Meeting the not Heroic Family

My submission for @pinesconessecrets as the santa of @mothmanfactkin, His prompts included super hero au and awkward dinner. So I combined them together into one massive fic. I hope you enjoy this because I enjoyed writing this. (Also on Ao3!)

"Dipper, I'm not sure about this," Wirt tightened his grip on his boyfriend's hand.

"It'll be fine!" Dipper awkwardly bumped Wirt with his elbow. "They don't need to know that I'm dating the legendary 'Spirit of the Plants'."

"Dipper this is serious." Wirt said. "If your Uncle is half as smart as you say he is, he should be able to figure out my identity in an instant."

"Don't worry about that, we have your cover story remember?" Dipper grinned, "a humble library part timer fresh out of college, looking for work. It'd cover most of our bases."

Wirt didn't look convinced. He bit his lip and looked away. His mind raced with all the ways this evening could go wrong. A villain somehow reconsigning him, and attacking them through the window. A giant monster bursting through the ceiling, crushing everyone and splattering the walls with their blood. Or worst of all, his boyfriend's uncles deciding that he was a bad influence. Cutting his time with Dipper short.

"Hey, look at me." Dipper pinched Wirt's cheek making the lanky man wince.

"What was that for?" Wirt rubbed his cheek.

"You were doing that thing where you panic and over think everything and worry that the end of the world will come about because you dropped a spoon." Dipper rolled his hand as he spoke.

"There was no apocalypse this time." Wirt said in a small voice.

"That's not the point Pilgrim." Dipper sighed. He placed both his hands on Wirt’s shoulders. "I know you're worried, and in truth, I am a little as well; but nothing helpful is going to come from sitting here and stewing in our sweat. Let's go take this thing down together."

Wirt took a deep breath, and let himself be held by Dipper. The weight of his hands on his shoulders helped ground the young man. He looked into his boyfriend’s eyes and gave a small smile. 

“I think. I'll be fine.” Wirt said slowly.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” Dipper smiled.

The pair made their way down the long walk up to the mystery shack. Normally Dipper would have insisted on flying the pair over, but decided that letting Wirt get excited over the natural beauty of Gravity Falls might help him calm down enough to face his uncles. That judgement worked out swimmingly in his favour as Wirt awkwardly asked to stop every few minutes to observe some flower or shrub that he didn’t quite recognise. 

“I know you said the town was bustling with the unknown, I didn’t think that would include plants.” Wirt carefully touched the leaf of a shrub. 

“Is a small bush that impressive?” Dipper squated next to Wirt to observe the plant. The stem looked like it was covered in red polka dots. 

“Look! This shrub adapted its stem to look like it's covered in red ants to avoid being eaten!” Wirt said in an excited voice. He gave the leaf at the tip of the stem a small poke and gave a small twitter of delight as the stem curled up perfectly to make the polka dots look even larger. 

“Huh, I never noticed that.” Dipper taped his chin.

“Probably because you spent the better part of your time running for your life.” Wirt tapped a nearby tree. A sturdy branch grew out, just high enough along the trunk to help him stand up without groaning. “Thank you.” He whispered to the tree.

“You know, for a superhero you sure do use your powers haphazardly.” Dipper teased. He stood up, and led the way to the shack.

“You’re just jealous that your yearbook photo this year was captioned ‘plant killer’.” Wirt smirked,   following Dipper along the path.

“I told all of our friends to not get me house plants as gifts. But they never listen.” Dipper threw up his hands in exasperation. “I can hardly take care of myself. You think I can take care of a plant?”

“Thank your lucky stars that I didn’t decide to incarcerate you for crimes against greenery.” Wirt said.

“That’s not a thing and you know it Mr.’Hero’.” Dipper punched Wirt’s arm.

“Well it might be!” Wirt shot back. “And now the charge has changed to battery.”

“Oh no. how could you have stopped my dastardly crimes.” Dipper rolled his eyes.

“Who’s talking about crime?” came a gruff voice.

The pair looked ahead to find an older looking man. Greying hair that lay flat on his head, a red nose and square jaw. He wore a serious expression, his face behind his square glasses was twisted into a serious scowl as he looked at the two young men. 

“I-uh no-one Sir.” Wirt squeaked. 

Dipper on the other hand rolled his eyes. “Why? You want a cut of the goods?” “You’re damn right.” The old man smirked. 

“I wha-” Wirt looked between them.

“Are you sure you’d want to be associated with horrible criminals like us?” Dipper asked. “Wouldn’t want the press to find out and cause another scandal.”

“Those paparazzi cronies will swarm after anything. It’ll blow over in less than a day.” The old man chuckled.

“What?” Wirt tilted his head.

Dipper grinned. “Wirt, this is my Great uncle Stan, retired hero and ever active conman.” 

“Hero?” Wirt stared at the man. His mind raced to put a mask to the face.

“Autographs cost 50 and pictures with me are 100.” Stan gave a showman’s grin. “Keep in mind that those prices are mutually exclusive.”

“And if you want him in costume you’d be footing the tailor’s bill.” Dipper elbowed Wirt.

“Wait, who were you?” Wirt asked.

“Who was I? Who was I?” Stan looked as though he had the wind knocked out of him. “What kind of cave dweller did you bring to my house?”

Dipper rolled his eyes at Stan’s theatrics. He was well used to his uncle’s inflated ego about his hero career. Wirt on the other hand found difficulty picking up on Stan’s very subtle hints at playing a bit. He felt his stomach sink to his feet as the man’s voice grew in volume, his life flashing before his eyes as he tried to figure out which hero this angry looking man could have been. 

“Grunkle Stan, tone it down, you’re going to give him a heart attack.” Came a sweet as sugar voice from inside the shack. A young lady with her hair done in a long braid opened the mesh door and punched Stan in the arm. Aside from rosy cheeks and the lack of a beard, her face was identical to Dipper’s. It didn’t take long for Wirt to recognise his boyfriend’s twin sister, Mabel. 

She turned to Wirt and gave a warming smile. “Sorry about this old grump. He thinks his comedy routine should double as a horror show.” 

“It’s only horror if they’re too sensitive.” Stan rubbed his arm. 

“You promised Dipper you’d play nice while Wirt was visiting.” she crossed her arms.

“I also promised your uncle Shermie that I wouldn’t let you do any hero work while staying over. And look how that turned out.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“Stopping someone from stealing a car isn’t hero work.” Mabel shot back. 

“Sorry about Stan,” Dipper muttered under his breath. “He’s just jealous that his hero career was cut.” 

“Jealous?” Wirt stared at Dipper. “You said you didn’t tell them anything”

“He’s jealous of your youthfulness” Dipper squeezed Wirt’s shoulder. He leaned in close to whisper into his ear. “I haven’t told them a thing, I promise.”

“So he’s not mad?” Wirt clarified. 

“Nope, just a really bad comedian.” Dipper smiled.

Wirt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He held onto Dipper’s hand to ground himself. It took a couple of moments but he felt his heart rate slow down. 

“Hey, is the kid okay?” Stan called from the porch. Wirt could hear the audible smack of Mabel’s fist against Stan’s meaty arms, followed by a hushed. “Ouch!”

“Ready to go in?” Dipper asked patiently, ignoring his relatives and their antics.

“I think so yes.” Wirt opened his eyes and gave a weak grin. 

***

The pair had wanted to spend the wait for dinner in the living room, enjoying the terrible public access television that Gravity Falls had to offer. However, Stan had other plans. Apparently Dipper’s second Grunkle, Ford as Stan called him, had failed to arrive in time to help like he had agreed. And now the couple were forced into the kitchen to help with dinner preparations. 

“Honestly you don’t need to help too much.” Dipper insisted as he kept an eye on the bubbling stew.

“I don’t mind. It’s nice to see the shack you talk so much about.” Wirt smiled. He carefully peeled an onion before dicing it. Dipper could have sworn the onion grew plumper when he handed it to Wirt.

“So he talks about this place huh?” Stan looked over his shoulder and away from his chopping board. “Better be talking about how great it was.”

“Oh but of course.” Dipper rolled his eyes. “The 5 star accommodations, and food to match? How could I complain?”

“Didn’t you say that the walls were riddled with splinters?” Wirt asked.

“They add character!” Stan insisted. He banged his fist on to the chopping board, launching sliced up carrots into Dipper’s bubbling pot.

“And a surprising amount of fiber.” Dipper said. He placed a lid on the pot. 

“What?” Wirt looked at Dipper. 

“The kid chews just about anything. I’m surprised his power wasn’t something like eating anything.” Stan said, he took the onion slices from Wirt and poured them into a pan with some oil.

“I don’t think that’d be very fitting.” Wirt said. 

“Oh? And why’s that?” Stan snapped his fingers, summoning a small flame at the tip of his finger, which he then used to ignite the stove. He raised an eyebrow as he stared at Wirt. Challenging him to back up his claim.

Wirt could feel his stomach twisting under the gaze of the older man, but a gentle hand on his shoulder helped the practising hero ground himself. He took a deep breath and put on what felt like a confident grin. “Well, for one thing Dipper would need an appetite for such a power to be useful.”

There was a beat, Wirt held his breath, expecting some snide remark about how he didn’t know what he was talking about. Instead, Wirt watched as Stan slapped his knee in laughter. The old man’s wrinkled face lifted with glee as his hoarse laugh filled the shack. He accidentally knocked over the pan he had just put on the stove. 

Acting quickly, Wirt grew a strong vine from the flowers on the window sill, easily catching the pan.

“And here I thought you were all talk about him being a smart alec!” Stan grinned. He clapped a hand on Wirt’s back.

“Thank you?” Wirt looked to Dipper for help.

His boyfriend gave him a small smile and a thumbs up. “Told you he could hold his own.”

“He still looks scrawny as hell.” Stan pulled his pan out of the vine’s grasp. “Pretty good with his powers. You sure he ain’t some mask behind your back?”

“Grunkle Stan, Wirt would never lie to me like that.” Dipper frowned. He looked disgusted at the suggestion.

“Not many regular people are quick enough to catch something that fast. Especially with powers they don’t use regularly.” Stan said.

“I do use my power often.” Wirt said honestly.

“And what does a librarian need chloromancy for?” Stan asked.

“It helps me put away books faster.” Wirt said. “Not to mention I had a very excitable younger brother. If I wasn’t keeping an eye on him, there was no telling how much trouble he’d get in.”

Dipper held his breath as he watched his Uncle’s reaction. The old man eyed Wirt up and down, before shrugging and moving back to his cooking. “Jeez you really are dating a goody two shoes, aren’t you?” 

“You know me. Can’t help but stick to the rules.” Dipper said with an awkward chuckle.

“Only when it suits you.” Stan remarked. “Now toast the bread, I didn't bring you in here to play 20 questions.”

***

‘Ford’ was still nowhere to be seen, but the family had decided to start dinner without him. 

“If he thinks I’m going to wait for him to eat then he’s got another thing coming.” Stan said. 

With the use of his plant powers, Wirt was able to set the table rather quickly. He wondered why Mabel hadn’t been asked to help, but when he saw several burn marks hidden under the table cloth, he realised the risk the ever glitter throwing Mabel could be to the kitchen. It wasn’t long before the table had been set and all food was served. The three Pines and Wirt sat together at the table, enjoying the delicious food. The sound of clinking plates filled the air.

All was peaceful until a loud crash came from the living room, followed by an angry shout.

“Stanley what did you do to my mirror!”

Stan didn't get up from his seat, in fact he  acted as though he didn’t hear what had just transpired. Wirt remembered seeing the old man reach for his ears before they began eating. ‘Perhaps he turned off his hearing aids?’.

Dipper gave Wirt a smile. “We’re in the kitchen Grunkle Ford!”

Wirt turned to the doorway just in time to see a man with a similar face to Stan’s but with a much deeper cleft in his chin and much poofier hair. He wore a trench coat and red sweater over black dress pants. His clothes were scuffed and were burnt in multiple places. To the untrained eye it would have looked like the man had run wildly through the woods from some kind of monster. However Wirt was familiar with markings like those that were all over Ford’s clothing. They were from stray bullets that had nicked his clothing, narrowly avoiding him. 

“Stanley, what was the big idea with putting my mirror behind the couch!” Ford marched right up to his twin, his face red with rage.

Stan lazily looked up at Ford, his mouth full of mashed potatoes. He raised a finger and swallowed his food. “I can’t hear anything you're saying Sixer.” Stan pointed to the kitchen counter, where his hearing aids sat, keeping him deaf to the world around him.

“You knucklehead! I almost got crushed!” Ford reached to punch Stan, but he was stopped by Dipper. The young man had jumped out of his seat and grabbed a hold of Ford’s arm. Dipper also summoned a vine from the window sill to keep his uncle restrained.

“Grunkle Ford, I’m really happy you’re back in one piece. I was hoping to introduce you to my boyfriend, Wirt.” Dipper said. He nonchalantly gestured to Wirt.

“Ah, yes. I had forgotten we had guests.” Ford’s cheeks turned red as he collected himself. “I apologise for my outburst. I’m usually much more composed. However, someone’s pettiness has affected that.”

“Still deaf as a post.” Stan pointed to his large ears. His mouth full of half eaten stew.

Ford rolled his eyes and walked over to Wirt. The old man wiped his hand on his dark pants before offering a six-fingered hand shake. Wirt politely returned the gesture with a firm hand. But as the pair shook hands, a painful realisation dawned upon them both. 

“You…” They both breathed. Their eyes locked into one another. 

Before Wirt could say anything, Stanford ran out of the room, and out of sight. 

Stan, Dipper and Mabel stared at Wirt, all thinking the same question. Wirt could feel their eyes boring into his skull, so he stood up, and excused himself. The young man made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. He splashed his face with some cold water and breathed deeply. He looked at the mirror above the sink, screamed, and tripped back into the bathtub.

“Calm down!” Dipper whispered. He stepped out of the mirror.

“How did you-”

“I’ve been copying Grunkle Ford’s power for ages.” Dipper said. “Now, would you mind explaining what that was just now?”

“So, remember how I thought I never met your uncles and was worried about a bad first impression?” Wirt asked. His tone sounded jovial despite his rattled nerves. “Well I don't need to worry about that anymore.”

“When did you meet Grunkle Ford?” Dipper asked. He sat on the side of the bathtub.

“I was doing a nightly patrol of our campus. The security guards had asked for some help from the local hero guild. Someone was breaking in and taking the latest data found by the scientific teams. I was already on campus so the hero guild put me to the job.” Wirt said. He kept in his awkwardly sat position in the tub as he spoke. The shower curtain tangled with his long limbs. 

“So as I was walking around, I heard the guards calling for help, turned the corner and saw the tail coat of a man run down the hallway. ‘The light of the moon shone through the windows, guiding me through the dark to his eventual capture’. Is what I thought when I saw him turn down a dead end. But instead there was no one. There was the one way glass of the nearby lab door; but it was securely locked. The guards checked it anyway and found no one.”

“Right.” Dipper nodded along, tapping his chin.

“I walked along the floor, looking for any signs of the intruder; but alas he had slipped my grasp. The only person I found was one of the professors leaving after a late night at work. I had thought he was the intruder at first, since the first thing I saw were the tails of his coat, but it was a lab coat.” Wirt continued.

“But where does Ford fit into this?” Dipper asked.

“That professor dropped a roll of paper he was carrying. I thought it was some of his research, but when I reached down to pick it up. I noticed he had six fingers, which was not mentioned in the staff listings. And when I looked at his ID, it was a crudely faked card.” Wirt said. 

“Ooooh.” Dipper sucked in a breath. “And he realised you were the hero from that night?”

“There’s no way he didn’t.” Wirt said.

“Okay, things are messy, but, there’s nothing to worry about.” Dipper clapped his hands. “He knows that you know, but we don’t know he knows. So we can use this to our advantage.” 

“If he knows that we know, then he won’t try to deal with me to make sure I don’t blab?” wirt asked.

“But he can’t be sure that you know.” Dipper said. “As far as your story goes, you’re only a librarian. Just keep your cool and things should smooth over.”

“Considering how annoyed your Uncle Stan is, I doubt he’d want to cause too much more trouble.” Wirt said.

“Exactly.” Dipper smiled. “Now come on, dinner’s getting cold and trust me when I say you don’t want to fight Mabel for seconds.”

 Wirt watched as Dipper stood up offering his hand. The young man took a deep breath before accepting his boyfriend’s hand.

“That sounds lovely.” he agreed.

[novantinuum]

Current mood:

Utterly destroyed by @hellmandraws 's newest comic. 💯👌🏻

[donutpwns]

Little Brother Blues - Part 2

Part 1 - Part 3

Two days pass relatively quickly and Ford comes to a few conclusions about his future.

The first is that the Shack is nice. He's sad that they don't have the Stan O War; Old Stanley says it just didn't work out but won't explain how. Grown up stuff, he says, and Ford hates that Stanley can say that now. But the Shack is nice. He likes the attractions, even if most of them are fake. He wants to draw them, wants to draw new ones too but he doesn't know where to start with that. Stanley was always good at making up monsters; Ford pretended to be mad about it sometimes but really it was just fun. And Stan made money with them, which was super neat. Maybe they could buy a boat! It wouldn't be as cool as building one, but they could still go on a sea adventure together. That would be fun; he needs to ask Old Stanley about that later.

Old Stanley was weird but Ford still liked him a lot. He looks like their dad but he smiles way more, except sometimes when he looks at Ford and just stops smiling. That hurts but Ford would probably be sad too if Stanley forgot everything they ever did together so he doesn't get mad about it. He wants to be big again so they can be best friends again, like they're supposed to be. Old Stanley also has to work and tells people what to do all day and it's so boring. He never wants to play with him, even when he's not working and sitting in his chair in front of a huge TV. It's been two whole days and Stan still hasn't played with him once, not even checkers and Stanley loves checkers because Ford pretends not to notice when he flips pieces over to be kings even though he didn't cross the board. He wants Ford to be big again too. It's very boring.

His niece and nephew aren't boring though. He learns that they're two years older than him but they're not like the big kids back home. Mabel is really nice, even if she hugs and yells too much, and he really likes the sweaters she makes for him. It's been forever since he had new clothes or even clothes just for him. Usually he and Stanley just share hand-me-downs. Heh, guess Stanley’s too big to share now. His shorts and sneakers are from Dipper though so still hand-me-down but at least he doesn't have to share. Dipper is really cool and knows a lot about real monsters. He even has these books that talk about all the monsters in the town. They look through them to try to find out why Ford got turned into a kid again but he keeps getting distracted by other cool things in the books.

Like the gnomes. He found the page on the gnomes and has to see them in person. Getting older can wait because gnomes. Mabel calls them bearded jerks because they apparently tried to marry her, which is gross, but agrees that they can go on an adventure to see them. He thinks she likes adventures just as much as Dipper does.

“What about Old Stanley?” he asks while they load up backpacks with snacks and cans of Pitt Soda. He doesn't want to go on his first real adventure without Stanley, even if he was old. It just doesn't feel right. They probably had lots of cool adventures together but Ford doesn't remember them so they don't count. They were supposed to be the greatest adventurers of all time; the New Jersey Kings. He can't go without Stanley now.

“Grunkle Stan doesn't usually adventure with us unless we know it might try to kill us.” Dipper is packing extra notebooks which Ford thinks is a great idea. Dipper is really smart. “Like with the dinosaurs or the zombies.”

A gasp escapes him and he can feel energy bubbling up inside him. “You guys have seen dinosaurs?! And zombies?! That’s so cool! Can we go see those later?” he shoves his glasses back up his nose when they slip down; they fit a lot better after the kids shrank them with a magic flashlight but still slide down his nose when he gets too excited.

Mabel grins wide as anyone he's ever seen. “Yeah, but the coolest part was Grunkle Stan! He beat up a dinosaur,” she punches the air, “and a bunch of zombies for us! And then we made the zombies head explode by singing!” she makes an explosion sound with her mouth, throwing her hands out and falling back against Dipper.

Stanley is the coolest ever, no matter how old he was. Ford is gonna make him tell him all about it later because he has a right to know about how awesome Stanley is. “I want Old Stanley to come.” He decides with a nod and turns to the door. Finding gnomes with Stanley! What could be better? When Stanley was his age, he'd never have believed it. Stanley didn't believe in monsters but Ford is happy to know he did now. They studied them together! Oh, he hoped he'd been cool too when they fought the zombies.

Stanley’s in the museum, right inside the doorway that connects to the gift shop; Ford doesn't notice that a group of tourists are in front of his until he's already called out to him. In an instant, a dozen pairs of eyes are on him and he's shoving his hands behind his back. His face feels way too hot. Right, Old Stanley did tours because he worked.

Old Stanley laughs and that thankfully gets the attention off of him. “Sorry about that, folks! My nephew is a little excitable. The gift shop is right this way; make sure to grab a bumper sticker! Free with every shirt you buy if you donate five extra bucks!” he ushers them through the doorway to the gift shop, many of them talking about what a deal that was. The bumper stickers were only three dollars on their own though, Ford is pretty sure. Also he's not Stanley's nephew; Old Stanley lies a lot. Stan lied a lot when they were kids too but it feels like a bigger thing when a grown up does it.

He stiffens when Old Stanley turns to him, his smile disappearing with a sigh. Ford wants to squirm but makes sure to straighten his back. You gotta stand up tall, that's what their dad and boxing coach said, when you want something. And he wants Stanley to come with them really, really bad.

“You guys find anything in the books, Sixer?” Stanley asks while shutting the door that connects the museum to the shop. The sounds of the tourists chattering is quieter through the door and muffled enough to ease some of the tension out of his shoulders. Ford really doesn’t like crowds; that part of the Shack wasn’t very cool.

“Gn-gnomes!” he stammers out then winces. Okay, bad start. He clears his throat and shakes his head before looking up at Stanley with determination. New Jersey Kings! First adventure! You can do this, Stanford. “There are gnomes in the forest, Stanley! I wanna see them so we're going on an adventure to find them. And then we’ll look more into why I’m a kid again but first gnomes!”

Stan looks unimpressed as he flips his eye patch up. Ford thinks the eye patch is neat but he doesn't understand why Stan wears it. “What's there to find? They live in a clearing like thirty minutes from here.” He jerks his thumb towards the back of the house. “They go through our trash a couple times a month. Once they stole one of my attractions and I had to chase them back.”

Ford puffs out his cheeks in frustration; why does Stan have to make it seem like it’s not a big thing? Maybe he’s used to it, but Ford has never seen a gnome before. Well, not that he can remember, at least. But still! Magic should never not be special. “That means you can show us how to get there!” he grins and bounces in place. “You can show us and I can see a gnome!”

“I’m working, Ford.” Stan frowns down at him and Ford stares back. He wins the staring contest; Stan looks back towards the gift shop and crosses his arm. “Why do you even want to see one so bad? Isn’t all the info you would want to know in that stupid book?”

Ford huffs because the book is not stupid. Stan is being extra grumpy today. “I don’t want to just read about something cool, Stanley! I want to see it!” he clenches his fists and pushes up onto his tiptoes, “Remember when we camped out on the beach all weekend in the Stan O War because we thought there was a sea monster coming up and stealing our snacks?” Ford knew it was actually Stan eating them all when he wasn’t looking, but that hadn’t been the point. It was about the adventure. “We stayed up all night trying to catch it!” Stan had stolen a pocket knife from their Dad’s shop and they’d carved their names on the inside of the hull. They’d both gotten the belt for that but it had been worth it.

Stan actually laughs at that and shakes his head, which makes Ford grin even harder. He rubs at his forehead, “Ma was livid about that. She sprayed us with the hose so we wouldn’t track sand inside.” This time when he looks at Ford, the smile stays in place though he still looks a little skeptical. “Wouldn’t you rather have an adventure to fix yourself?”

“We can do that later! I want to have some fun first!” he reaches up so he can grab Stan’s arm; he has to dig his heels in and tug extra hard but Stan does take a step forward. “Old me has got to have all kinds of fun with you guys, it’s my turn now! C’mon! We can see the gnomes and then I promise I’ll work extra super hard to find out what bit me!” he wraps his arms around Stan’s arm when he tries to pull away; he yelps when he’s lifted off the ground. Holy Moses, Stanley was strong. “Pleeeeeease, Old Stanley! I’ll double pinky swear to work on it!”

“And here I thought the kids got it from me.” Stanley mutters before putting Ford back on the ground. He kneels so they’re on the same eye level, which Ford greatly prefers. He doesn’t like Stanley being taller; Ford is supposed to be the big brother, after all. “Okay, okay. You can go with the kids to see the gnomes but then—“

“You gotta come too!” Ford holds up his right hand and sticks out the last two fingers. “All of us! Kings of Gravity Falls! And Queen too, I guess, since Mabel is a girl. We’re all gonna go together!”

Stan sighs but he still hooks his pinky around Ford’s two. They shake their hands up and down twice and give an extra hard squeeze. “Double swear. We see the gnomes and then we focus on getting you fixed. Got it, Sixer?”

Ford nods and feels like a hundred bucks when Stan musses up his hair like he’s seen him do to Dipper before. This was going to be the best ever!

 -----------------------

So this wasn’t exactly the best ever.

The ropes around his wrists chafe really badly and it’s worse every time he tugs on them. He keeps bumping into Dipper’s back as they’re marched through underground tunnels. Normally he’d find the large expansive network of tunnels, and the cool glowing mushrooms, very fascinating but the sharp spear that keeps poking him in the back anytime he stops to try to get a good look at them is kinda soiling the whole thing. Man, Mabel was right, gnomes were bearded jerks.

The tunnels are bigger than Ford would’ve expected for gnomes, though the ceiling is low enough that Stan has to hunch where he’s walking ahead of Dipper. Ford winces at the thought of the lecture he was probably going to get if they made it out of this. Stanley seems like he lectures now when he’s not being fun. Man, this whole thing was a bit of a bust.

They’re lead to a giant central chamber with a tall ceiling from which what looks like hundreds of glowing orbs are hanging from. There’s enough passageways lining the walls to make Ford think they could get lost forever in them. He should’ve brought some of Mabel’s yarn; it could’ve been like the story of the Minotaur and the Labyrinth! Though it might be difficult to leave a trail of yarn with his hands tied up. Hm. He’s going to have to brainstorm that later. See what Dipper thought of it.

There are two thrones set up side by side against the far wall. A gnome with a brown beard that looks a lot less bushy than the others he’s seen is sitting on the left one while the other sits empty aside from a pillow with a tiara on it. There’s a picture of a girl with long blonde hair and more makeup than even his Ma wears hanging on the wall right above the empty throne. The gnome that had been sitting in the other throne seems to notice they're all staring at it because he looks back at it and quickly throws a blanket over it.

“Pacifica.” Mabel says it the same way Stanley used to say Crampelter. She’s at the front of the group and has even more rope around her wrists than any of the rest of them. Also one of the gnomes put a flower crown on her head so that’s weird. They also smashed the leaf blower she’d brought with her when they captured them.

“Heh, pay no attention to that! We weren't thinking about making her our new queen after you broke our hearts or anything!” he laughs nervously, moving to stand between Mabel and the now covered painting. He clasps his hands in front of him and makes gross gaga eyes at her. “We still only have eyes for you, Mabel! And we’re so happy you decided to finally accept our proposal and become our queen!”

Mabel’s response to that, because she is awesome, is to kick the gnome right in the face. “Stop kidnapping girls, Jeff! It’s creepy!” she kicks another gnome that tries to jab her with a stick. “Also, I thought you guys lived in the forest?”

“We live lots places! You don’t know!” Jeff brushes himself off. “And maybe we thought our new queen would like this better than the forest. We’re working on our pitch!” he hops back onto the throne. “Oh well, that doesn’t matter, because you’re here!”

Dipper and Mabel groan at the same time. “No girl is going to be happy if you kidnap them!” Dipper scowls and moves to stand next to his sister. “Geez, why do all the creeps like you, Mabel?”

“Because I’m adorable and awesome and the best anyone could ever have and I also have a pig.” Mabel says it so matter-of-fact that Ford’s not sure anyone can dispute it. “And I’m not going to marry you and your giant colony of jerks, Jeff!”

Jeff waves his hand like he’s trying to wave away the statement. “You’ll learn to love us! And, hey, we’ll let you keep your family! That was the deal breaker before, right?” he reaches into his beard and pulls out a rose that looks like it’s been stepped on. “C’mon, just say yes!”

Mabel tries to kick him again but the gnome manages to jump back against the back of the throne before her foot connects. “The deal breaker is that I hate you!”

“No marriage is perfect!” he screams when she jumps up onto the throne to kick him.

Stan lets out a loud yell that has everyone looking at him; Ford’s eyes widen when Stan pulls his hands out from behind his back, length of rope held in his right hand.  The rope wasn’t even broken! How in the world—Stanley whirls, grabbing a spear that was being jabbed at him right below the point and jerking. The gnome holding it manages to hold its grip, though it probably regrets that when Stan swings the spear and gnome both to slam into another one that was running towards them. That one drops the spear and Stan picks it up.

“Dipper! Catch!” Stan yells and Dipper, somehow, manages to turn and actually catch the spear. He fumbles it but it doesn’t drop; it’s small enough for him to slip it down and start rubbing the point against the ropes around his wrists. Oh! That’s so smart! “Mabel—”

“On it, Grunkle Stan!” on it for Mabel was apparently chasing Jeff and kicking him repeatedly.

Unable to do much, Ford ends up just trying to dodge spears while he watches his family fights a quickly growing group of gnomes. Dipper has his hands free before too long and quickly moves over to get Mabel free; once she’s got her hands she is taking a page out of Stan’s book and punching. Jeff tries to jump on her only to scream when he gets an eyeful of what looks like glitter and fall to the ground.

Four stack on top of each other and try to attack Stan; they topple with a single left hook. Wow, Stan really learned a lot from their boxing lessons. Ford’s starting to regret not paying more attention. Maybe their dad was right about knowing how to fight being important.

“Catch, Great Uncle Ford!” Dipper calls and Ford turns in time to get smacked in the face with the spear; it clatters to the ground and nearly knocks his glasses off too. He tries to squat to grab them but another gnome is running at him so he screams and runs away instead. He hears Dipper yell “Sorry!” but is much too busy trying not to die by gnome to respond.

Crap crap crap crap!

This wasn’t supposed to happen! Ford just wanted to see some gnomes, not fight them! Oh crud! He needs to get behind Stanley, Stanley is good at fighting! Yeah, Stan will keep him safe and then they can escape. Oh, he was going to get Stan so many bags of toffee peanuts for this.

That’s when he sees Stan grappling with what looks like a person made of gnomes, standing a little taller than Stan himself, with four more gnomes stacked up behind him. Something electric shoots through his gut at the sight of it; how can they attack someone from behind like that?

He runs forwards before he can really think about it, ducking his head so the back of it and his shoulders take the majority of the hit as he bowls into the stack behind Stan. It’s enough to collapse them before they could hit Stanley. Stanley lets out another yell and turns to slam the gnome-person into the ground, where it shatters and all the gnomes scatter back.

Stanley’s hair is sticking to his temples with sweat and his chest is heaving but his eyes are about as wide as his grin that Ford has to mirror. Ford wonders if this is how Stan feels whenever he punches bullies and if so, he suddenly understands why he likes punching things so much. He wonders if they ever learned to fight together when they got bigger; he hopes they did.

“They’re forming Gnome-tron!” Mabel yelps as her and Dipper reach where Ford and Stan are standing. She’s also got hair sticking to her face, cheeks even more flushed than normal. Dipper is panting with a hand on his knee while the other points to where all the gnomes are starting to pile together. The pile starts taking the shape of the gnome-person Stanley had been fighting but much, much bigger.

“Hot Belgian waffles.” Stanley says it under his breath and then all of a sudden Ford is off the ground.

He grunts as his stomach hits Stan’s shoulder, quickly sucking back in the breath that was knocked out of him. He kicks his legs; why hadn’t he caught the stupid spear to untie his hands?! Dipper is tossed on Stan’s other shoulder and they share a brief moment of solidarity at how much this sucks. Stanley locks an arm around his back to keep him in place while they run. Mabel runs behind Stanley while he takes off down a tunnel. Ford wants to be offended as she keeps up with Stanley but it’s really hard to once he sees a hand made of gnomes reaching for them down the tunnel.

Dipper laughs from his place on Stan’s other shoulder and cups his hands around his mouth. “Forget that you’re underground? Stupid gnomes!”

“Yeah, bearded jerks!” Mabel throws another handful of glitter over her shoulder.

“Kids, escape, then taunt the enemy! Basic rules of capture!” Stanley yells as he takes a sharp left turn.

Ford tries to take in as much as he can while being jostled by the running and while his heart is pounding in his throat. The mushrooms glow without any other light source, there’s different colored moss littering the ground. He recognizes a few things, like specific groupings of mushrooms or a scratching of different names x Queen in the walls, that he saw when they were being led in. Did Stan remember the way they were led in?

Ford was never happier to see the sun than when they burst through the branches and such that were covering the entrance to the tunnels. Stan drops Dipper who scurries over to where their backpacks were left. He takes his and tosses both Mabel’s and Ford’s to his sister. Ford kicks his feet again but Stan just tightens his hold so he doesn’t fall off.

By the time they reach the treeline within sight of the Shack, Stan is drenched in sweat and coughing from how bad he’s panting. He does finally drop Ford though; as soon as Ford is off his shoulder, Stan his hands on his knees much like Dipper next to him. Mabel stretches to be able to pat both of them of the back at the same time.

They pant for several minutes, trying to catch their breath and waiting to see if the gnomes chased them all the way back. The only sound is their labored breathing and the sounds of Mabel untying the ropes still binding Ford’s wrists. He rubs at the red, raw skin. Slowly their breathing evens out and there doesn’t be any sign of the gnomes.

He doesn’t know why it happens, maybe it’s all the energy still buzzing in his chest, but laughter bubbles up from inside him. He grips his stomach, unable to stop the peals of laughter that tumble out. It seems to be contagious; Stan start’s chuckling next to him and then the twins are covering their mouths while they giggle. Ford doesn’t even mind when Mabel tugs him into a tight hug, her face sweaty and hot when she presses their cheeks together. He even manages to get an arm around her to hug her back.

Stanley wipes his eye under his glasses, chest still shaking with laughter that won’t stop. “Holy cow that was a stupid idea. I say we have a treat after all that, yeah?” he moves his hands to muss up Mabel’s hair and shove Dipper’s hat down over his eyes. “You kids are gonna be the death of me.” His hand moves to muss up Ford’s hair next, “All three of you. C’mon. That’s enough for a day right.”

Mabel grins and sticks her hands under her hair to lift it off the back of her neck while she follows Stan towards the door. “We should probably let Pacifica know to look out for gnomes that want to kidnap her.”

Dipper nods next to her. “Last thing we want is to have to rescue her.”

Ford moves to follow but freezes in place; the hairs on the back of his neck are standing on end as the feeling of being watched hits him. He frowns and looks back towards the trees. He could’ve sworn he just heard someone else laugh. He looks over the trees, trying to spot any gnomes that might’ve followed them.

Dipper yells from the porch, “Great Uncle Ford! C’mon! Grunkle Stan’s busting open the ice cream freezer!”

A grin takes over Ford’s face and he takes off towards the porch. Oh well, it was probably nothing.

[fereality-indy]

Gravity Falls Valor Force Rangers Chapter 5

“Mabel,” Both Dipper and Pacifica called out as they saw they ball of energy she was apparently turned into, when she was struck by Carnibel Lectern’s giant fork, was swallowed by the self same monster.

As they were both struck numb for the moment Wendy charged over bowling down three Cryptizones that were heading for them. As she turned to face more oncoming Cryptizones she called out, “You Monster! What did you do with our friend?”

“Nothing, why do you think I should?” It said as it brought it’s hand up to rub at it’s chin. “She was a tasty little morsel.”

Pacifica nearly dropped to her knees and she would have if not for Dipper catching her.

“We’ve gotta stop him Dip, we’ve gotta get Mabel back.” she pleaded as she righted herself.

“Aww, how touching. She must be someone very special to the two of you. Maybe girlfriend…” the monster said pointing to Dipper before pointing to Pacifica, “and sister?”

“What she is to me is of no concern to you,” Pacifica called out as she rushed towards the monster swinging her fist wildly.

“Oh I see I have struck a nerve, maybe you are one of those heathens.” Carnibel Lectern said as it attempted to strike Pacifica. She was able to roll out of the way. “Well maybe it was for the best that I took her. She will be reborn as a member of my master’s flock.”

“What do you mean?” Dipper asked as he threw a Cryptizone at the monster. Carnibel Lectern blocked it with his fork and the Cryptizone was transformed and devoured.

“Why now, that would make it too easy for you. And no one has ever learned their lessons by following the easy path. If you really want to learn, how about you join her.” Carnibel Lectern said as he swung the fork towards Dipper. As it was about to connect a blast of energy knocked its path away from him.

Wendy and Thompson rushed over both holding the blasters that had been hanging in the holster on their hip. Pacifica quickly joined them. She and Dipper pulled out their blasters and took aim.

Looking around and seeing he was currently the last creature standing, “Well never let it be said I have overstayed my welcome. I bid you adieu.”

And with that he slammed the fork into the ground before him and in a flash he was gone.    

“No! Come back here!” Pacifica yelled as she powered down.

Seeing as there was no one else around the rest of the Rangers powered down also. Dipper hugged her and they were quickly joined by the others.

“We’ll get her back Pacifica,” Wendy said as they separated.

Meanwhile

Mabel came to inside a place she thought she would never see again, because it was torn down after that fateful summer four years ago, the Tent Of Telepathy. She was seated in the audience, she actually believed it was the same seat she had sat in all those years ago with Dipper and Soos. As she looked out at the rest of the seats she saw that while most of them seemed to be filled with mannequins, she did see some familiar and all too human faces in the crowd. Pizza guy (she really should remember to learn his name sometime soon) was dressed in a conservative suit and a stetson hat, the mailman was dressed in a uniform that would have fit in with some of grunkle Stan’s old tv shows, and even the teens she saw were dressed in styles out of the old Jolly Week tv show. Looking down she saw that while she was still in her Ranger uniform she had on a light blue cardigan and poodle skirt.

“I see the newest member of our congregation has awoken,” Carnibel Lectern said as he stepped onto the stage. He was followed by a Cryptizone who walked over and sat down with the crowd.

They both were also dressed in an older style of clothing. The Cryptizone had on what she could only call nerd wear, even her brother wouldn’t wear them, and Carnibel seemed to be wearing something similar to Gideon’s old outfit which caused Mabel to burst out laughing. A humanoid (that is definitely a Dipper word for sure) podium dressed in a powder blue suit over all the adornments his body has.

“And just what do you think you are doing young lady?” Carnibel Lectern said as he turned her way and started shuffling in that direction.

“I’m laughing at you, you big nincompoop.” Mabel said as she tried to get up, only to have a jolt of electricity flow through her as soon as she left her seat. “Argh!”

“Well it looks like we have a problem child in our midst, my flock.” he stops in front of a young man that Mabel can only see the back of his head and so she doesn’t recognize him. He motions for the teen to stand and he does. Once the teen is standing he continues, “Why she needs to learn her place. And here she will. Soon she will be as good of a member of the flock as young Gordon here.”

As the teen turns around Mabel recognizes him as Gordie, the guy who like Soos had once been swallowed by the Summerween Trickster. The last she had seen him he had started his teenage rebellion stage and was dressing so punk that even Robbie had called him out on it. And here he was in a short sleeved button down shirt, suspenders, pin striped pants, and a floral print bow tie. What was even worse than his outfit was his soulless expression, even in his punk gear there was still the joy for life she remembered seeing in his face when he escaped from the Trickster. But now it was gone.

At The Rangers HQ {Formerly The Shuttle Under The Hill}

After being teleported back The team runs into the command center to find Ford and Fiddleford standing at a console typing away and looking over several different screens.

“Alright Grunkle Ford where is she?” Dipper asked as he made it up next to Ford at the consol.

“Nowhere.” Ford replied as he continued to work

Pacifica grabbed Ford by the collar of the turtleneck he was wearing and spun him around. once he was facing her she practically screamed, “What do you mean NOWHERE?!”  

Wendy placed what she hoped was a calming hand on Pacifica’s shoulder, “Take a breath and calm down Paz, I’m sure Dr Pines is doing everything in his power to find Mabel. She is a member of is family remember.”

After taking a deep breath and exhaling Pacifica said, “You’re right. I’m sorry for that Dr Pines.”

“It’s ok child, I know you are just worried for your paramour.”, Ford replied before he turned back to the console. He did not see how embarrassed that made Pacifica but the others did.

“Wait. What? No,” Pacifica started sputtering as soon as she could speak, “What are you talking about? I am just worried for my friend.”

“Paz, it’s ok. We know already.” Wendy said, her hand still on Pacifica’s shoulder gave a gentle squeeze.

“You know what? There’s nothing to know.” Pacifica said as she shrugged Wendy’s hand off of her.

“Girlie, I may be half a loaf short of a sammich, but even I have seen how you two look at each other. It’s plumb near sickening it’s so sweet.” Fiddleford tossed back over his shoulder as he continued adjusting knobs on the machine.

“No, we’ve been discrete. We’ve never even held hands in public.” Pacifica said as her face went red with embarrassment.

“Pacifica, it doesn’t matter to us. You should know that by now. I once said something about “not being able to make someone love you, only being able to make yourself worthy of love’. Well you don’t have to worry about that, you have someone who loves you.” Dipper said before he pulled Pacifica into a hug, “My sister loves you, don’t be ashamed of that.”

“You... You…”, Pacifica said as she pulled out of the hug. She then playfully slugged him in the shoulder before saying, "How is it you always know what to say nerd?”

“Part of his charm I’d say,” Wendy commented as she put a comforting arm around her blond friend.

“Man I missed a lot while I was away.” Thompson said after watching this wholesome exchange.

“Well now that that is settled we need to figure out the true conundrum in front of us.” Ford said as he and Fiddleford turned to face the teens. They make an eclectic pair with Ford in his standard turtleneck and slacks and Fiddleford in a yellow button up shirt under his trademark overalls and a lab coat.

“Yeah, where in the dagnabbed world is Mabel?” Fiddleford added as he stroked his now shorter cut beard.

“What exactly happened to her?” Ford continued after Fiddleford was done.

“We were fighting some sort of Tent Of Telepathy podium monster when it struck her with it’s fork like weapon. It turned her into some sort of energy and he swallowed it.” Thompson responded knowing it may be too tough for Dipper or Pacifica. “It also happened when he accidentally hit one of the Cryptizones.”

“So his quadrinent is the source of his ability to absorb people, astounding.” Ford started pacing as he tried analyzing the situation.

“Maybe you’n younguns need to try and put the kerbosh on it’s grubbing utensil.” Fiddleford said as turned back to his console and began to vigorously start typing.

“But how?” Thompson asked thinking he got the gist of what McGuket had said. “I shot it with the blaster you guys put with the suit but all it did was knock it off course.”

“Well maybe we can find some way some way to tap into your patron’s powers,” Ford said while he continued to pace.

“Yum-diggitty, that’s it. if I take this…” Fiddleford started before he continued muttering to himself as he flitted around the room.

Everyone watched him rush around grabbing pieces, tools, and what not. They heard him say something that sounded like ‘For’n this ta work, dey’ll need ta be suited’.

Taking that as a cue Wendy led the team in morphing.

“Alrighty then, that should do it. I need you younguns to morph.” Fiddleford was saying as he turned to face everybody, “Oh, ya’ll already done did it.”

“What have you got for us?” Wendy asked as the inventor walked over to them.

“I call these whatchamacallits, Sheaths,” he said as he hands Wendy, Thompson, and Pacifica what looks like a simple white leather strap. He then gives Dipper two and still has two in his hand. “Now you attach them to the glove of yer dominant hand like you would a slap bracelet. Dipper you’n yer sister have one for each wrist.”   

They each applied the Sheaths as they were told and once they were done Wendy realized they blended into the their gloves perfectly. “So what do these do?”

“Welp, what do sheaths normally Miss Corduroy?" Fiddleford asked with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Well they hold the blade of a weapon,” Wendy replied with a shrug, “These certainly don’t seem to be able to hold weapons.”

“Well see here, you’n bein about half right. What they do is allow you to call forth the weapons I just finished for you from the pocket of Null Space where they are stored, with just a flick of your wrist.” Fiddleford said as he demonstrated.

“So you mean like this?” Thompson asked as he mimicked the motion.

=======================================

Part two of this episode is done. And to me at least I now have a voice cast for Carnibel Lectern, Tim Curry doing a southern accent, all based on the “Why do you think that I should?”. It’s a line I wrote and then remembered it was from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. And well Tim knows how to do eerie and villainous voices. Also I have realized that as hard as it is to write Fiddleford’s hillbilly gibberish dialogue, it’s immensely harder to write him as hi tech hillbilly.   

Also remember to check out my other Gravity Falls works:

Gravity Heroes - A few months after the Mystery Twins head home from Gravity Falls Mabel receives a call from Soos telling her that Dipper was found turned to stone out in the woods. The problem is that Dipper is standing next to her when she received the call. This leads them off to a new adventure.

Gravity Heroes: Sidetracks - A series on one shots & drabbels that are stories that are in the Gravity Heroes-verse but aren't necessarily required to read the main story-line. It's essentially my take on the classic Marvel Comics Presents. Chapter Seven follows Wildbill after he returns to Piedmont and delves into a few of his past lives that were re-awoken by Polden' Solntse.  

Welcome To The Gravity Falls Region - My take on the Pokemon AU. Follow the adventures of the potential Pokemon Master Dipper Pines and his sister Mabel, Pokemon Coordinator extraordinaire, while they travel through the Gravity Falls Region. On hiatus.

The Curse - Thanks to a misunderstanding Wendy is targeted by a fairy curse. This is a short story following what happens afterwards. Chapter 2 coming soon.

Wrasslin Wendy - After Wendy’s brothers learn that Dipper’s Godfather is a former pro wrestler and beg him to introduce them. A few years later Wendy and her brothers are now working for Global Championship Wrasslin. that’s where our story begins. (This is my Writer’s Block Breaker story for when I need to break through my Writer’s Block)

Camping With The Corduroys - Two quick little journal entries Dipper writes after he gets invited to go camping with his girlfriend’s family.  

The Geek Gets The Girl - The Friday after their 21st birthday (a party he had to miss thanks to an early starting college course), Mabel drags Dipper to a local bar where it appears her girlfriend Pacifica may have been trying to set him up with a blind date.  Songfic without being a songfic (Follows the title and premise of the song without any of the lyrics)

Revenant Falls - During the twins fifth summer in Gravity Falls, Dipper thought he was going to be able to just work at the Shack and spend time with his girlfriend Wendy. Unfortunately this is Gravity Falls and you never know what is going to happen...

Fereality’s Gravity Falls Short Stories  - My collection of shorts and drabbles that don’t fit anywhere else in my writings. Usually either Wendip or Mabcifica stories

Baby It’s Cold Outside - Wendip songfic written for the 2017 holiday season.

Opposites Attract - Mabcifica songfic written to get the song out of my head.

I also would feel honored if any of my works inspire any art. If the do I would love to see them. Thanks again to all who have read this far. I'm happy to see different interpretations of the characters from the GH AU. Let me know by PM if you do and I'll send out a list of the full descriptions to you. The art is now up at fereality. deviantart. Com/ just remove the spaces.

Again I'd like to give a shout out to FullMetalKhaos, geekngroom, nautiscarader, dusk4224, EZB, SuperGroverAway, ddp456, & A Pleasant Dream. Please check out their stories if you haven't already.

Please review. I'm always open to constructive and helpful criticism, though if you're gonna troll please move on.

Sorry I’m not on the net while I’m writing this chapter so I don’t have access to my reviews in order to respond.

[nautiscarader]

Wendip Week 2017 - Day 1, Meet the parents

(My fanfiction masterpost) (Read on Ao3) (Read on FF)

Rated: G, older!Wendip story 

Dipper is about to meet Wendy’s father, officially as her boyfriend. What could go wrong? 

- Hi! I'm Dipper Pines, remember me, Mr. Corduroy? - Of course he remembers you, you doofus. We helped him find his stolen beard last month. Not to mention all the other times we did something around the forest while he kept screaming "You crazy Pines go back to your crazy house of crazy craziness!".

Dipper threw an angry look to his sister, shuffling through the pages of her magazine. For the better part of last hour, she's been trying to help prepare Dipper for an official meeting with Wendy's father, although so far, her support turned out to be nothing but collection of casually thrown snarky responses.

- Alright then. - Dipper cleared his throat and tipped his hat to his reflection - Hi, mr Corduroy! I'm so glad I can finally have a dinner with my girlfriend's father... - Are you really glad, though?   - Of course not! - Dipper shouted - He's a walking mountain that could crush me with his little finger! If I say anything wrong, then I'm dead, do you understand that?

Mabel rolled onto her back and let out a deep sigh.

- Dipper, you are doing it again. - What? - You're over-thinking things - she finally looked at her brother's frowned face - You've spent so much time prepa- is that a bow-tie?

They both stared at the curious bit of Dipper's attire that stood out from the rest of his vest and shirt.

- Okay, this has to go. - It will work, Mabel! I've got something neater to wear it with. - Dipper, they are lumberjacks. - Mabel sighed, looking at her brother flipping through his set of identical, white shirts - They only know one colour: PLAD. If you wear a suit, they're gonna take you for a penguin!

A loud sound of a car horn interrupted the twins' bickering, but eased none of the tension Dipper was suffering from.

- Oh my god, she's here! I'm late! - In a car? What for? - Mabel raised her brows and jumped to her feet as well

And indeed, when Dipper opened the triangular window, the source of the sound turned out to be a green jeep, driven by the red-haired park ranger, Wendy Corduroy. She waved at her boyfriend through the car's roof, that was not so much "open" as "turned into a molten bit of metal about a week ago". Seeing his silhouette, Wendy pressed the horn once again, hastening Dipper's arrival.

- Hi, Wendy! What's going on? - Dipper exclaimed, running through Mystery Shack's door without any care, leaving them open. - I got an unexpected call, do you want to come with m- What are you wearing?  

Dipper looked down, noticing that in the minute he had to finish dressing up, he has managed to put on his blue vest over the pristine, ironed white shirt, as well as socks of distinctively different colours. And the bow-tie.

- Sorry, I was preparing for the dinner! - he apologised, giving her a quick peck on her cheek, as he hopped to the passenger's seat - So, what's the problem? - We got call from the Multibear. Their daughter is missing. - Oh no! Bear bear? - Dipper yelped - Yeah. She's not a kid anymore, but still, things can go wrong. Hold on tight.

Dipper managed to lock his seatbelt a split of a second before he was pushed into his seat, as Wendy released the gas pedal and drove straight through the woods to the mountains towering over the treetops.

The term "park ranger" is a bit misleading. It implies a person that takes care of a park, but no one sane would ever use that word to describe the forests around Gravity Falls. Regulations, no matter how strict would fall flat on unicorns demanding supplies of glitter, or gnomes declaring their dens independent nations at least twice a year. The word "ranger" is also ill-fitted; no group of people would be able to range over the vast, ever-changing terrain of the Gravity Falls forests, that might look perfectly fine on Monday, but could be completely unrecognisable by Friday. And yet, when mayor Cutebiker decided that something should be done to protect the citizens of Gravity Falls from the forest creatures (as well as the other way around), the idea of "park rangers" was the most sensible one that was proposed. That position certainly wouldn't be Wendy's first choice of career, if not for the fact that nearly absolutely everyone else was terrified about the prospect of keeping the forests under control. It meant, however, that in Summer she would get to spend a bit more time with Dipper and Mabel, who, while not rangers themselves, provided much insight into the three key parts of the local ecosystem: fauna, flora, and the unknown. And truth to be told, the forests and the creatures could mostly take care of themselves, giving Wendy arguably even more free time than during periods of no visitors in the Mystery Shack.

As they drove up, Dipper remembered the first time he had to traverse the long road to the caverns atop the mountains surrounding Gravity Falls to prove his manliness to the clan of Manotaurs by killing the Multibear they were going to visit now. The very same reason pushing Dipper to these ridiculous quests was now keeping her focus on the bumpy, rocky road.

- What? Is there something wrong?

In the corner of her eye Wendy noticed that for the last minute or so, Dipper kept staring at her, sitting motionlessly in his seat.

- What? No, nothing. - Dipper quickly answered - I just like you in that outfit, it goes, uh, well with your eyes. And the, uh, the hat, I think it looks great too.

Wendy returned a polite, warm smile.

- Dip, I hope you're not making some sort of list of small-talk jokes and praises for tonight, like this one. Dad doesn't like those, he can smell them. - What? Me? Never! - Dipper retorted and tucked his hand deeper into his pocket pushing the piece of paper he spent his last night on. - It's just I- - It's here.

Wendy stated firmly, rescuing Dipper from an awkward dead-end he got himself into, as they reached a giant, ominous cave at the very end of a windy road. The two adventurers got from the car, took their backpacks and wiped their boots on the colourful doormat, before they rang the doorbell.  

- Al-right, al-right, one head at a time! - Wendy shouted through the cacophony of ten jaws of the Multibear trying to explain what happened - So far, I got that she was sick, she got fed up with her favourite band, she thought the porridge was too hot, too cold, just enough, all at the same time. I, I need some clarification.

Wendy put away her notepad, trying to calm the distressed creature.

- Multibear, just tell us what happened, step-by-step. We're gonna help you. - Dipper joined Wendy in her consolations

Ten loud sneezes into ten large handkerchiefs later, the Multibear told their story anew.

- So, she hasn't come home tonight, and wasn't that keen on talking for the last month or so... - Wendy pondered. - Have you tried searching for her before you called us? - Of course! We went that way!

Wendy was quick enough to push Dipper from the reach of the claws, before the arms of the Multibear pointed, predictably, in seven different directions.

- Please, help us! She only has two heads! - Multibear, don't worry, we will find her! - Dipper quickly assured them. - Okay... we're gonna start the search, and we will contact you if we find anything. - Wendy spoke unsteadily, giving her boyfriend a knowing nudge with her elbow.

The two rushed to the door, and only when they exited the cave, Wendy spoke.

- Dipper, you don't say "don't worry" to someone, whose kid got lost. Worrying is kinda a part of the deal. And she obviously has tried searching for her. - Wendy fumed - I'm sorry, Wen! - Dipper apologised profusely, getting into the car - I sometimes panic with stuff like that. That's why you do the talking, you're way better than me. - That;s cos' I got experience, Dip. - Wendy smiled - Three brothers, and one more baby to scold at now. - Wait, who are you talking about?

Only when Wendy gave him another smug smile, Dipper threw his arms into air with a loud "Come on!" that only cheered his girlfriend, opening the series of teasing that lasted all the way down the mountain.      

After less than an hour of searching, Dipper was the first to notice oddly broken tree branches, paving their way down the forest.

- Wendy, I think she was here. - Well, it was something big. - she added - Actually, two of somethings.

The ground beneath them was filled with two overlapping trails, though both Wendy and Dipper had difficulty telling which series of paw-prints started and ended, or how many of paws each one had. Without any doubt, however, the mixed trail lead them to another cave underneath the mountain they drove from.

- Is that cave on the map? - No, it wasn't there last time we checked! - Dipper exclaimed, opening a large map - And that was last month, so Multibear's story makes sense. Something's fishy here.

Equipped with torchlights and guns with sleeping darts, the two adventurers followed the path up to the entrance of the cave, masked with a simple net of sticks and leaves. The two gave each other a knowing nod and held their hands one last time before pushing the provisional door away. As much as they both would like to make sure the other one is secure, four ready hands were better than two, providing better protection than the strongest infatuation. From the very start it became obvious that the creature, or creatures, had problems with the height of the cave. The middle of cavern's roof nearly looked like a cartoon cut-out of some enormous head trying to push through the rock. As the two ventured down the steep slope, Dipper tried imagining what animal could leave such unique markings. But when they saw a light at the end of the tunnel, they both spoke its name under their breath.

A horned silhouette of a manotour was visible on the wall in front of them, giving Wendy and Dipper some idea behind Bear bear's disappearance. It didn't help the fact that the manotour stood next to a huge steaming cauldron, and a sound of bones cracking and meat chopping reached Wendy and Dipper's ears. The two gave each other one final nod, prepared their weapons and crept towards the angled turn. The stench of a stew made from unknown meat filled their nostrils as they were about to lean over the wall, causing both of them to hold their breath for a moment.

- And it's finally ready... Bear... - the deep, husky voice of the manotaur reverberated through the thick air.

Dipper and Wendy looked at each other, their eyes wide with both fear and determination, and on her mark they leaped from around the corner, ready to stun the manotaur.

- Don't move, manotaur! And tell what you did to Bear bear! - Ah! Humans! Help! - the manotaurs shrieked in a voice much higher than either of them expected, dropping the metallic bowl that landed on the rocky floor with a loud clunking noise. - Oh, no, honey, your soup! - said a third, feminine voice.

Wendy lowered her gun and was about to instruct Dipper to do the same, but her boyfriend already seemed to have realised what was going on and stared, unable to shoot or aim, at the bizarre sight in front of them.

The bowl of spilled soup laid on the floor, to the dismay of two creatures: a manotaur in a pink kitchen apron, and a female multibear, with her four arms around her two heads, cowering in fear. She sat by a large, decorated rock table with two sets of utensils and a flowerpot in the middle of it.  

- What the heck...? - You're not going to hurt us...? - Bear bear lowered her arms, staring at the two intruders. - Gosh no, of course not! - Wendy explained, tucking her gun behind her back. - We, uh, sorry for the intrusion, but we got call from your...uh, mom, and we're not really sure what happened to you, so... - Oh come on, Wendy. - Dipper interrupted - They are dating, isn't it obvious?

The brown face of the multibear blushed with red tint, matching the red skin of her boyfriend. Wendy moved her eyes from one to another, finally getting the whole picture.

- But, shouldn't manotaurs be hating multibears...? Or has something happened in the last year? - Most of us do.

The large horned creature, who was wiping the fluid from the floor for last minute or so stood back and faced Wendy.

- Hi, I'm Razortaur. - Uh, hi, I'm Wendy, and that's Dipper. - she reached to shake the enormous hand of the manotaur towering over her. - So, you guys live here? - He was probably banished from his tribe - Dipper interjected once more. - Or something, the manotaurs seem to have lots of weird rules.

The cavern shook again, when Razortaur slammed his fist against the table, breaking off a part of it.

- Razor, darling, don't get upset, they didn't mean to. - Bear bear closed gently her three paws around the manotaur's fist. - Of course they banished me. They think I'm weak because of my love to you, my dearest!

To both Dipper and Wendy's surprise, Razortaur lowered his head and begun weeping into Bear bear's shoulder.

- I was told to kill her as my trophy to prove my manliness! - he roared - But I couldn't kill someone of such beauty...

Razortaur cupped her closest mouth with his other hand, giving her a quick, oddly disproportionate-looking kiss.

- Listen, guys - Wendy started - I hate to interrupt you, but your mom is seriously worried about you. And they knows something is up. - But I can't go back! - Bear bear cried - They will hate me for dating our mortal enemy. - Of course they won't. - Dipper retorted, sitting on the stone bench next to her - They love you, and will understand you, I'm sure of it. - Are you, though...? - Wendy whispered, giving him another subtle nudge. - Well, what else can we do to help them? - I don't know, you do the talking. You seem way better at it.

Wendy sent him a cocky smile, stunning him momentarily, as he understood he was in charge now.

- I really think you should go back to Multibear now. - Dipper replied to the creatures - Both of you, in fact.

Razortaur raised his head, staring at Dipper with utmost confusion in his eyes.

- But... What if she hates me as well? - Listen, I know it may be hard to confront your girlfriend's parent. - Dipper calmly replied - I mean, you are a manotaur, and she's a multibear- - No, no, I'm not worried about that. - Razortaur quickly replied - Well, maybe a bit. But what if she doesn't like me as her daughter's boyfriend? What if I do something wrong, like eat honey with a spoon instead of a hand?

Dipper turned his head and exchanged a smile with Wendy, feeling the fingers of her hand intertwining with his.

- Well, in worst case scenario, at least you will know it. Can't live in uncertainty forever, can you? - Actually that was our idea. - Bear bear suddenly replied - We spent two weeks decorating this place! - Okay, aside from that - Wendy took over from Dipper - I think Dipper is right. And we can vow for you that nothing nefarious is going on here.  

The table shook again when Razortaur suddenly stood up, raising his fist into the air, and subsequently, the roof.

- You are right, tiny humans! - he roared - I cannot cower in fear anymore! Quick, to your parent's cave!

Before Wendy or Dipper could react, the manotaur took his girlfriend into his arms, who in return grabbed them and flung the pair of adventurers onto his back, covered in thick hair they could grab onto. With three extra passengers, Razortaur ran with surprising ease, getting to the exit of the cave in no time, and traversing the rocky road much faster than their jeep could.

- Okay, this is the moment. - Wendy put her arm on Bear bear's back, giving her much needed bit of courage. 

- When do I come in? - Razortaur's voice reached Dipper's ears from the corner he was hiding behind. - We're gonna give you a sign. - Dipper whispered. - Oh, and one more thing.

Dipper ran to the Razortaur, took the bowtie from his neck and placed it crudely in his thick chest hair.

- Now you look the part, buddy. - Dipper patted his back, before running back.  

The doorbell rang again, and the figure of Multibear appeared in the doorway.

- My child!

From the side, Dipper and Wendy could safely observe the heart-warming scene of mother and daughter hugging and exchanging kisses with combined twelve snouts, and wait until the right moment arrived.

- But what happened? - the Multibear reached to Dipper and Wendy - Where was my Beary bear? - Mom, don't call me that. I'm a grown up now. - the two mouths of younger multibear cried in anger - And, I want you to meet someone.

Dipper and Wendy grunted, and moved aside in unison, opening the road for Razortaur to appear. As they both predicted, Multibear was taken aback, but remained restrained, so neither of them had to use their stun guns.

- This... This is Razortaur. And, uh, he's my boyfriend, mom. - Afternoon, uh, mrs Multibear. I'm Razortaur. - the manotaur stepped from the behind the turn, fixing his bowtie, and digging his hoof nervously in the ground. - And your daughter was taking care of me when my tribe banished me. She was really sweet, and all of that.

Ten mouths gasped in awe and disbelief, before ten arms closed around manotaurs' neck and back.

- I'm glad he omitted the whole "daughter killing" business - Dipper whispered to Wendy, getting a soft giggle in response - Well... That's not what I expected - the Multibear admitted through tears - Would... Would you like to come in? - Oh, it would be my pleasure. - Razortaur smiled - And you can come too!

Multibear turned to the two humans standing somewhat cautiously by the rocky wall, once again hiding their guns behind their backs.

- I didn't even thank you properly for finding my daughter. - Not a problem, Multibear. - Dipper replied, tipping his hat. - And anyway, we have to attend, uh, another dinner now. - Yeah, that was one heck of surprise, but we have to go. - Wendy added - We're glad everything turned out fine for you and Bear bear.  

Arms of the multibear closed again, this time around Dipper and Wendy, smashing their bodies together and soaking them with salty, motherly tears.  

- At least now you will have to get a change of clothes... - Wendy wheezed through her teeth. - And it can't be worse than this, can it? - Dipper smiled, wondering how long will Multibear's hug last.

- Are you ready, dude?

In an oddly reminiscent fashion, Dipper stood in front of the large, wooden door of the Corduroys' house, still feeling a bit scared to make the first move. As if she could read his mind, Wendy took his hand and they both pressed the doorbell, and knocked the door a couple of times, just to be sure.

No one answered back.  

- Dad, guys, we're home! - Wendy shouted, wondering why her father wasn't responding. - Uh, mister Corduroy, sir? It's me, Dipper Pines!

Suddenly, a loud, thundering series of approaching footsteps echoed through the house, giving both Wendy and Dipper an obvious sign to move out from the door, expecting Manly Dan to appear any moment now. Instead, however, not only he, but Wendy;s three brothers burst through the door, clinging their hands to their unnaturally weird looking faces.

- My beard! They stole my beard again, damn pelicans! Why would they do that?! And my boys' too!

Wendy was first to reach to her father's back to give him a consolatory hug, leaving Dipper to get lost between the three crying beardless Corduroy brothers. Wendy gave Dipper a silent nod, and once she freed him from her family, they ran to her car again, knowing that their dinner might turn into a late supper today.  

Author’s note: To all of you claiming that the multibear didn’t sound female, had different number of mouths, or arms, or the fact that pelicans do not steal beards, I have just this to say to you.