#old vent but still applicable tbh

[robofaggy]

too much

[6okuto]

Hi dear I have and idea for touch starved ais and vere.

WHAT IF- what if the reader (MC) is like a single parent?????

Mc's like a mild or dilf or something like that?!

AIS AND VERE WITH A SINGLE PARENT

gn!mc | meow. this (doing old reqs) is my parting gift(?)..

VERE

his ear flicks up when mc mentions their kid for the first time. where are they? why are you here? who's the other parent?

not a guy who spends time around kids. probably not a guy who should spend time around kids /hj what swear words and scary stories will he share...

^ tbf he also gives some solid life advice, even if it's a bit blunt, or something the kid doesn't understand just yet

if mc's kid is witty / snarky he finds them amusing (especially if it's at mc) and easier to be around! whether that's good for mc or not is not up to mc Lmao

it varies depending on mc's relationship with their kid but if mc's kid is grown up, vere is more of his usual self. swearing, analyzing them, taunting them, etc.

vere never thought of himself as a possible father-figure. or even like, a fun uncle. but he likes mc, and despite his complaints or denial, has grown a little fond of their child.

^ possible angst if vere's like, do you really want to be with me? am i the role model you want them to have in their life? i'm chained up for god's sake etc

gets soft/quiet when mc talks to him about their kid. he sees the fondness in their expression, and even if he can't really relate, he can still sympathize

would make a couple pilf...? jokes. sorry. it isn't necessary though. he does enough flirting and innuendos that the pilf(?) thing doesn't come up that often

brings up their kid when mc is about to do something dangerous or stupid, when they succeed at said dangerous or stupid thing, or when their kid also tries doing something dangerous and or stupid. "well it's no surprise who you got your confidence from."

vere questioning mc's parenting tactics LOL. mc is like And what do you know about parenting and vere's like. enough to judge yours. they find common ground eventually

AIS

really doubles down on his warnings about the seaspring when he finds out they're a parent. he doesn't have to know how old, what their relationship is like, etc—he's already asking how much they're willing to risk and telling them to think about their kid

otherwise he doesn't really treat mc differently—they're a grown and capable adult, and being a parent doesn't change or weaken that

ais would pick his pets over hanging out with a kid, but he doesn't give himself enough credit with how well he can get along with one

if mc's kid is old enough that he can play pranks on mc with them. well. he will. mc looks at the both of them and they both shrug like What? it wasn't us? (the kid is grinning and giggling but ais keeps it together for the both of them.)

if there's an opportunity to introduce them to princess / whoever else, he will! like look at this sweet girl, you don't have to be scared. you wanna try getting her to sit and roll around?

babysits if needed, takes them out for the day (if only to keep them away from the seaspring). they get some food and he comes up with exaggerated stories for each shop the kid points out

mc's kid who's old enough for ais to teach them some self defense after they walk in on him taking care of injuries from a bar fight. mc who walks in on them and goes ?!?!?!

mc vents about their parenting troubles, and ais isn't sure if his leadership advice/experience is totally applicable to taking care of a child, but surely some of it is? he tries to help anyway

i can see their kid opening up to ais about things that worry them tbh. he's got that vibe. depending on what it is, ais might suggest to mc something they should do, or try to help himself

similar to vere, he likes mc and their child but he wants them to think about what's best for them—if that includes him in the picture. like yes he'll do his best, but he can't blame them if things don't work out. honestly he might try to cut things off firstdjdjshd

[lynnarang]

Parasites

cw// parasites, butt stuff, medical trauma, body horror, depression, bathroom stuff, self harm, venting, don't read this tbh

I can always feel them, crawling around down there. Unseen parasites, burrowing in and around my anal cavity. They first appeared half a lifetime ago and since then I think they've become more at home in this stifling fleshsuit than I am.

I've tried everything, you know. I've declared all-out war on them, sacrificing every other aspect of my life in the vain hopes of ridding myself of them. I've gone halfway, adopting measures to combat the symptoms of their intrusion in some kind of hopeful attempt to wait them out. I've even tried giving up and ignoring them. Like a shirt you've been wearing all day or the cadence of your own breath, any sensation can be ignored if you're used to living with it 24/7, right?

But they don't sit still. They worm their way through my misshapen body, favoring the scars the surgeons had left through half a dozen failed attempts to remove them. I can feel the places where the skin rises, a decade old contusion that forgot to heal, with those horrid things wriggling about just beneath.

It's funny, in a way. After all this time, I still can't really bring myself to tell others about them. That I'm infested with anal parasites that have gnawed away at my ability to sit, to walk, to run, to defecate. It's gross, isn't it? It's disgusting.

The mental image of a trans woman in her mid-twenties sobbing on the toilet as she takes a painful shit that she knows is gonna leave her bed-bound for the next 2-6 hours... It's unpleasant, isn't it? The thought alone smells like fecal matter and dried blood.

The worst part is I can't even see them. They're hidden in my skin, in the one place that's hard for me to look even with a mirror. I don't even know what my own anus looks like, the skin down there is too deformed for me to even see it now. And yeah, that makes it a bitch to clean down there, whether it's blood or shit. Where do you think the smell comes from?

Sometimes it makes me want to take a knife to my own butt, to carve it open like the surgeons did, to get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out-

But it's not that easy, I know that. I don't want to go back to the surgeons, not after all their failed attempts. I know it will just be another scars worth of money, time, and pain. But I don't know how much longer I can ignore it either. The sudden pains, the horrid smell, the frozen position I have to lay in bed because the slightest movement feels like someone is trying to crawl out of my anus and stretch my body in half-

I have to stop. I have to stop thinking about it. I have to stop writing. I'm not getting any of this out, I'm just sticking it in the forefront of my mind, opening every door I've slammed shut in the past eleven years.

But I miss being able to run. I miss being able to use the bathroom without holding my breath. I miss not having to spend days of my life staring at the ceiling or wall, in too much pain to focus on anything else. I hate this. I hate thinking about it, I hate living through it, I hate how tired of it I am.

But I guess at the end of the day it's just what I gotta live through. It could be worse, right? It's not the worst disability to have, if I can even really call it one. It's not like I can go to my disability application bureau and tell them I have a crippled butt and expect them to understand can I?

So I just gotta make do.

Anyway, Butt's starting to hurt again. I'm gonna go lay back down. Sorry to have filled your head with these kind of images for nothing.

[labec99]

Hi how’s your week going (warning for incoming rant)

I was flying so fucking high from last weekend and the Harry shows, and goddamn did it crash hard.

So the job I was supposed to start next week got pushed to June, and tbh I have a feeling it will get canceled completely by then

Which means I am still stuck at the job that has been draining the life out of me all year and giving me stress that is starting to manifest in physical ways in my body

And a former colleague had asked if I wanted to staff at a new company that just relaunched but I turned him down because I thought I had a new gig lined up, and now they’re already staffed and don’t have a spot for me

So I was struggling to do a bunch of the things that I had thought got offloaded to my boss to fulfill since I was leaving, but he didn’t do any of it, so I had to staff a bunch of shows really quick, and so many contractors are booked out through the end of the year already

I had to email or text like 6 different Technical Directors, and finally got one who said he was free the 3 dates I needed him

Except then at like 7 PM the night before Thanksgiving he called to tell me his scheduled shifted for another gig and he may not be available one of the dates after all, so then I got to carry that stress through the holiday

AND THEN THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THE FUCKING CAKE

My phone got stolen while I was at a bar with my friends last night

(Which is almost impressive because my phone is basically surgically attached to my hand, but I’m too emotionally distraught after this fucking week to actually be impressed) Like literally, there was 5 minutes or less from when I was posting a video on Instagram stories on the dance floor to realizing my phone was no longer in my pocket at the bar, and it wasn’t on the floor anywhere or turned into any of the barkeepers and I even went back today to check their lost and found and no one had it, so someone literally stole it out of my pocket

And I was super annoyed, but I was there with friends and also my sister so like, I got home fine and figured I’d go through the rigmarole of getting a new phone and just restore it from my icloud backup or a backup on my computer

Because I was 95% positive that I had backed my phone up to my new computer that I use for work at some point this year because I specifically downloaded iTunes onto a pc laptop, even though I really only use Spotify these days, so there’s no need for me to have it on here unless I had my phone plugged in, and I was pretty sure I remembered thinking I should back it up onto this new computer while I had it plugged in

Except when I tried to restore from an iCloud backup, it only had my iPad backups, not my iphone, and I haven’t used my iPad  regularly since college because it’s like 8 years old at this point and doesn’t run current iOS’s

But like, at the very least it has my apple account data and my contacts and my messages so I didn’t lose that

So I plug my phone into my current computer and it tells me there’s no backup to restore it from

Shit

Well

Let me break out my old macbook that is now 10 years old or more and I stopped using at the beginning of the pandemic because the thought of running zoom and any other application at the same time on 4 gb of RAM was laughable so I finally bit the bullet and updated to a pc laptop so I could game on it as well for work, but hey, at least I know for absolute certain that there are multiple phone back ups on there and I probably backed it up sometime during the pandemic because I was bored, right?

Oh you sweet summer child

The last backup was in 2019, I will have lost 2+ years worth of pictures and videos, but ya know, whatever it’s something at this point and i’ve already spiraled so much in the last 24 hours (not even 24 hours. as of me venting this out my phone got stolen less than 20 hours ago) (which in and of itself I realize is a privilege to be able to replace something like that so fast, I’ve just had so many small shitty experiences compounding this week that now everything feels like a boulder thrown on top)

So I tried to restore from that backup, but for some reason my old macbook won’t recognize the new iphone and restore from there

wtf

I’m tired, emotionally exhausted, whatever

Let me restore from my ipad backup, at least I’ll have my data and account info and messages and calendar and contacts, because that’s all on this ipad and up to date including an appointment on a calendar I made on my phone 2 days ago, so I know it synced since then

Load the restore and it says Some apps may not be compatible

I realize that only ipad apps are on there and I’m going to have to redownload every app from scratch

ugh, whatever

finally load the restore

None of my contacts are there

None of my messages before 4 PM are there

some random lady’s photos are loaded into my photo app. I have never seen this woman before. idk if it’s the person who stole the phone and somehow in the course of her trying to make it hers she added her shit into mine, or if some random data in the cloud got jumbled up, but I have 275 photos of someone that isn’t me.

I finally accepted that life sucks this week and called my mom and cried on the phone for half an hour

Oh and also

I managed to get a parking ticket while I was waiting in the Verizon store for the order to be processed, because when I went to refeed my meter because I knew it was running low, there was a ticket that had been printed 5 whole minute prior, because LA Parking cops are just utter shit stains with nothing better to do with their lives

And my dude and I aren’t seeing each other any more and it fizzled out in a way that left me with a huge lack of closure. Like, I’ve gotten soft ghosted more times than I care to admit, it’s the go to way for all of my attempts at relationships to end, because I will keep texting and trying to talk to these men and they will slowly but surely just stop answering

But like, we were dating for nearly a year. And then we didn’t see each other for a while because our schedules got a little hectic, but then also the text messages started fizzling out to and I kept trying to find things for us to do like go to the movies or something and he kept being busy

I Never get to the point in an attempt at a relationship where I give up on it. I am always the last person giving effort. But once it hits that point, where I can tell the energy has shifted and the answers become less frequent where I realize that I can’t be the only person trying and if they are done putting in effort then why am I still trying to make something happen here?

And I’m mad that that’s how this went too.

Grow a pair and dump me, you coward.

So to recap, Lost the job I was looking forward to, the relationship I was in fell apart, my phone was stolen, I lost all of my digital phone content from the last decade (which feels like losing a piece of me, because I am an introvert so the digital world is where I feel home the most), and I got a parking ticket.

Sigh.

Ok. Now that that is vented out.

Gonna take my assemblage of digital devices to the apple genius bar tomorrow and see what they can frankenstein merge together out of these backups that do exist. I still have my work computer and everything I need to do stuff for my current job and I can explain stuff to my boss on Monday and hopefully get him to give me a hand on some stuff to get these December shows up and running.

I have a ton of photos and videos on social media of the last few years, so my memories are still there somewhere. I have my health (for the most part), I still have a job and income and a roof over my head, I have my parents who were both willing to help me pay to replace the phone right away, I have scores of lovely and amazing friends in my life. Most of the digital information I need is backed up in other places so I just need to reaggregate it all into my phone. 

I’m just hella bad with change, so if you throw a bunch of shit changing in a small time frame at me at once, I crumble a bit. 

[purplesurveys]

743

Name something that you saw within the past week that made you smile: A local celebrity posted the very first photo of her newborn on her Instagram and tbh it was something we’ve all just been lowkey waiting for because that couple is super attractive and stylish and we’ve always wanted to see how the kid would look like. Simply put, the baby is the cutest ever and she’s so pretty and gah she just looks like such an angel. Name something within the past week that made you frown: There’s been a lot of upsetting stuff on the news, but the worst has been when policemen shot a man that they thought was going to pull out a gun. Turned out that said man was 1) pulling out a water bottle and 2) a former soldier suffering from PTSD and the standoff was actually greatly upsetting him. Welcome to the Philippines where the police are still hellbent on using their guns in the middle of a public health crisis. Name somebody who you wish would cut you a break sometimes: My mom always has something to criticize about me. Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have: Andrew. I don’t want to share their life story on here but suffice it to say it’s been a lot and it’s been rough, and they deserve a goddamn break. Name something you own that has high sentimental value: Probably the tickets to the first museum Gabie and I went to together, six years ago. Museum dates have long been my dream date and that was one amazing day, so I'm really glad I made the decision to keep it.

Name something that you hope is different by this time next year: Obviously the virus being gone but also the terms that are in place for now because of it, like halting foreign travel or not being able to go to the mall. Name something that you're good at but don't like: Arguing or confrontation. I can come up with good arguments and I pride myself on being able to speak well whether publicly or not; and in fact my parents have always asked me why I never took up debate or if I have any interest in pursuing law – but I actually hate it. I hate the ever-looming possibility of suddenly not knowing how to respond or rebut; plus the very nature of two clashing sides simply stresses me out. Name something that you're bad at but DO like: Singing, at least when I’m alone in my car. Also baking! I find it really fun but I always have to bake with someone who’s more experienced than I am. Name something that you like about the person you argue most with: She’s very organized and can make anything clean and spotless no matter how dirty and stained they’ve gotten. Name something that you strongly believe in: That the world will eventually be a lot kinder to LGBT couples with families. I have to believe in it; I want the world to be gentle to my kids. One day at a time, folks. Name something was funny to you but not to anybody else: Idk man, if it isn’t funny to anyone else it’s probably offensive. Name somebody who has tried to help you and ended up hurting you: My mom’s love languages seem to be criticism and a lot of tough love. Long story short, they are not mine. Name something that you had to learn the hard way: No matter how nice you are to everyone, there’ll always be people who will remain extremely cold and shitty for absolutely no reason and you can’t blame or be upset with them if that’s just the way they are. I learned this in PE class when I forgot to follow a certain instruction and I personally went to the coach to apologize, but she literally turned her back on me and completely ignored me. I wasn’t used to such a treatment so I vented to Angela about it after and told her how unfair I felt it was, but I understood it after she told me that no matter how much Catholic school (and common sense, tbh) taught us to have good manners and greet everyone we see and be nice and polite, none of that shit will always matter in the real world, when we get thrown in the mix with people who now come from different, sometimes rougher backgrounds. Name a date that has a lot of significance to you: March 16. It’s the birthday we made up for Kimi. Name something that you didn't like when you were younger but like now: Chicken curry. I found the flavor too strong when I was a kid, but I had no idea Indian food was gonna end up being my favorite cuisine when I got older lol. Name something that you liked when you were younger but don't like now: I’d say Spongebob? To this day I’ll still only watch the episodes I grew up seeing but I can’t bother with the newer seasons. The way they are drawn is too different and unfamiliar, the humor isn’t the same anymore, and they’ve introduced so many third-party characters it’s hard to keep track. I’ll always give it a lot of credit for being a very important part of my childhood though. Name something in your life that was a blessing in disguise: Deciding to skip out on joining my current org in freshie year. I joined the year after and the batch I turned out to be a part of was the biggest applicant batch for the org in recent memory, and all my closest friends in college have been from that batch, like JM, Laurice, Aya, Jo, Kate, Jum, and Hannah. Name something that you've done that would be considered rebellious: I didn’t submit a single final project for home economics in 6th grade. That year’s home ec was focused on embroidery, sewing, and crocheting and I just didn’t give a shit about all three back then. I still have no clue how I left that class with a mark of 91. Name something that you wish you never found out: If it’s something I wish I never found out it means it greatly upset me, and I don’t wanna go racking my brain for stuff that greatly upset or triggered me. Name something that you dislike about the majority of girls: Not majority anymore but some girls will still have the let’s-pit-these-two-women-against-each-other mindset and it’s just so old now. Name something you like about the majority of guys: I don’t think there’s one. Name something you wish you had enough money to do: Keep traveling, durrrr. Name something that you wish you could say to somebody: I had very high expectations for you as a prof but your response to the virus re: online classes has been disappointing to say the least. To think we all thought you cared for students’ welfare. Name something that you wish somebody would say to you: That they were gonna come over to my place in a bit. Name something that you wish you had the ability to fix: I wish I had enough money to go ahead and fix the stuff that that piece of shit Jeff Bezos and other selfish billionaires are too lazy to fix, like ending world hunger or providing clean water. I’m feeling so strongly about that now after seeing this amazing infograph someone made about just how much money he has. Name something "bad" you've done on purpose to somebody else: I was feeling petty on the first Sunday that my mom made our entire family sit around her phone to watch a livestream of a mass, so before it started I made sure I had Netflix (which HOOOOOGS bandwidth) turned on both my laptop and phone. The stream ended up being shitty and skipped a lot of parts of the mass. Definitely wasn’t the best daughter that day and even I was surprised at whatever came over me for me to do something that mischievous. I never did it again lmao. Name something you could never forgive a person for: If they abused their pet. Name something you're lucky to have: My dog.

[timeforbeing]

It feels like things are going very wrong right now :(((

I have to enroll for college in a new city in 12 days, but we've had an awful time trying to find a place to rent throughout nov & dec, with places being taken off the market just as we were about to apply, two applications being rejected, and one application being accepted, fees paid, then rejected again at 4.30pm the Friday before the Christmas break!!! Fucking landlord and letting agent BASTARDS. They haven't refunded the fees yet, either, even though they've said they have.

So we have nowhere to live in 2.5 weeks now since we put the notice in on our current place thinking we thought we had something lined up before Christmas. FUCK!

And since boxing day I've had a hideous cold, maybe flu. Certainly the first I've had since before being pregnant, and it feels like the worst ever because being ill with an active 10 month old suuuuuucks. My partners have just about been picking up the slack with buying food and carrying/changing the baby, but aside from that the flat is truly gross and it's making me realise how much I do on non-ill days.

It just feels like everything's fallen apart in the last week, at the worst possible time. How the fuck do we find another house in a week? I've been planning this move since August... how has it gone so poorly!? Maybe this is a pointless thing to vent, but it just feels unfair tbh. Like yeah we're broke millenials but now we're doing what we're SUPPOSED to do, aren't we???? I'm going from being a filthy disabled benefits scrounger to studying for a professional qualification. I'm ~bettering myself~. We've been frugal as ever and saved a ton and never go out for avocado toast anyway, so that we can move from a higher cost of living area to a much more affordable one - a wise financial decision no? And instead we're being punished at every turn. And I'm left stressing like fuck over the Xmas/NY period whilst all the letting agents who've directly let us down at worst, and been bafflingly unhelpful at best, get their holidays off (and still, incompetently rather than maliciously I hope, haven't refunded my £260).

It just doesn't seem fair that they have all the power and I'm staring down the barrel of actual homelessness for my baby and spouse and cats in 2.5 weeks when actually we should be in a fairly comfortable position (we have a great guarantor who has repeatedly passed checks - yet we've still been rejected!?). And it's not like I need added housing stress when I'm about to start higher education for the first time, but that's the fucking position I'm in I guess. I'm angry. It's not right that I would be in a *more* secure position staying where I am in a horrendously overpriced flat in one of the most expensive cities in the world, on benefits, than I would be moving to a more reasonable area, deciding to study and gain a qualification for an actual career I can sustain, and generally trying to improve our prospects and financial independence somewhat.

Ugh. I'm supposed to be using this very limited time left just packing and organising for a smooth, exciting move straight after new year's. And instead I'm so ill and we're just panicking and paralysed because there are so few letting-agents-actually-open days left and there's no time and the less time we have the more money we'll spend on last minute admin and removals and shit. I've never had a move this difficult and stressful - and I've had a lot of difficult and stressful moves. It's ridiculous.

[bromosapiens]

How much would you hate me if I told you to do every fuckin' one on that ask meme.

a lot

1) Sexuality? 

if you need to ask you obviously havent spent more than five minutes on my blog

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? 

snoop dogg i think we covered this

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. 

“...de ses plus belles trouvailles. Il semble que certaines réalités...”

4) What do you think about most? 

how fucking insane it is that in america annotating and analysing six essays in the span of an hour constitutes an education

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? 

“like damn”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? 

mmm usually without cest la vie here in texas

7) What's your strangest talent? 

i can rap all of lose yourself backwards to the tune of the backyardigans theme song

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence) 

girls are scary and powerfulboys are also scary and powerful but sometimes its hot

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? 

if you count shitass stoned rambles sure

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? 

like yesterday

11) Do you have any strange phobias? 

freezing to death

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? 

sure who doesnt

13) What's your religion? 

im a karkatstian

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? 

in front of it bitchbut back in my photography phase both were applicable because all i took pictures of was myself and likerocks

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? 

crywank rn i just feel em in my soul

18) Do you believe in karma? 

ironically sure but not really

19) What does your URL mean? 

take a wild fucking guess

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? 

my inability to comprehend literally anything; my mario skills

21) Who is your celebrity crush? 

probably darren criss or pete wentz but only because i still have his dick pics saved on my laptop

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? 

hells fucking yes

23) How do you vent your anger? 

ask karkat

24) Do you have a collection of anything? 

swords knives lighters pipes and bandaids with designs on themwhat else do ya need

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? 

on the phone because video chat is just awkward af

26) Are you happy with the person you've become? 

could be better idk

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? 

nails against a wall; incoherent whispering

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? 

im not so sure about aliens but i can reassure you right now that ghosts are real and they are dicksi have first hand experience

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. 

i almost knocked over my coffee thanks

with my right id have to reach behind me a bit but the side of the futonbelow my left arm is navy

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? 

coffee and sweatwelcome to my home

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? 

new york city

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? 

east coast west coast seems really white

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? 

janelle monae

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? 

taco bell dicks out

36) Define Art. 

art: when people do things so that other people can enjoy those things

37) Do you believe in luck? 

i dont really think so nahreminds me of an old friend though

38) What's the weather like right now? 

its kinda chilly actually and clouds are rollin ingood thing im inside and not outside

39) What time is it? 

about 8

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? 

i do and i have but i wasnt the one that crashed iti was in a crash though

41) What was the last book you read? 

the one im reading rn is A l'ombre des jeunes filles en fleurs but its for class so im not sure that counts

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? 

yeah actually

43) Do you have any nicknames? 

avi / asshat / furry / birdfucker / the weird strider / oh him again / god that hurts my eyes / is he okay

44) What was the last movie you saw? 

im pretty sure it was some documentary on bbc

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? 

uhhhhhhhh i havent really broken any bones or anything but i was stabbed once*multiple timesi was grazed by a bullet once too

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? 

nah i wish

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? 

ive been playing my horse prince

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? 

uhhh i dont think so unless any of yall wanna fess upwell there is the birdfucker thing

50) Do you believe in magic? 

listen do you know who i live with

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? 

not really nookay maybe a bit

52) What is your astrological sign? 

i have no clue im gonna take a wild guess and say sagittarius

53) Do you save money or spend it? 

spend it

54) What's the last thing you purchased? 

...a collar

55) Love or lust? 

why not both

56) In a relationship? 

hells yeah

57) How many relationships have you had? 

five or six i think

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? 

nah i wish

59) Where were you yesterday? 

god that sounds so threateningi was at work

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? 

yeah my fuzzy socks

61) Are you wearing socks right now? 

see above

62) What's your favorite animal? 

birds are rad as hell

64) Where is your best friend? 

in nyc probably at home grading papers or doin homework or smth

65) Spit or swallow?(; 

swallow i aint a fuckin wimp

66) What is your heritage? 

white probablynah uhhh my moms actually half black but bros as white texan as it gets so all i inherited was some vague facial structure and borderline full albinismro got a bit more that i thinkand then roxs dad is black so we dont really look alikei dont know anything past my parents so dont ask

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? 

god do you really have to aski think i was uhtalking to karkat

68) What do you think is Satan's last name? 

strider

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? 

if anyone answers no to this i will be very concerned

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? 

hell yeah life of the party

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? 

im already getting fired save the damn dogif i wasnt though id leave iti aint no hero aight

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? 

any fucking song from grease

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 

0747 try and guess that one bitch

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? 

god i have no clue this is my first

77) How can I win your heart? 

if you have to ask youve already won it

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? 

i sure hope so cos thats where im headed

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? 

proposing to hex

80) What size shoes do you wear? 

9 1/2

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? 

“cest la vie on this bitch of an earth”

82) What is your favorite word? 

bussy

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. 

aardvark

84) What is a saying you say a lot? 

...cest la vie on this bitch of an earth

85) What's the last song you listened to? 

skateboard p (elijah who)

86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? 

fuck uhhhhhhhhhhh idk red

87) What is your current desktop picture? 

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? 

derrek j fucking strider

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? 

“so whos going first”

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? 

probably time travel idk just seems cool

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? 

can we just trim my timeline up to about a year ago

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? 

kevin abstract seems like hed be good in bed tbh

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? 

the bermuda triangle

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? 

i have no clueif dirks in jail no one told me

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? 

sure fucking have

98) Ever been on a plane? 

sure fucking have

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? 

dont fucking waittime runs out

[raiswanson]

MORE OC ASKS

Tagged in via @universalfanfic ;)

Still on a Pryza kick, but Maika has gotten tons of attention so let’s shake things up and do something for Rewill this time :D

Tagging: LITERALLY ANYONE FOLLOWING ME, but I’ll name the squad ;o (I know this one has gone around a little so if you’ve already done this you can pass, but you could do it for another character if you want~)

@typeaadventures @helenpowers @jesse-is-inarguably-purple @prycarious @brynprocrastinates @bambmazing @my-words-are-light @h-brook-writes @tundra-tiger @scribbledwriting @tangledlinescrumpledpaper @otramble @lilymaidofgallifrey @acfawkes @byjillianmaria @christinawritesfiction @dwobbit_under_the_mountain

GENERAL

Name: Rewill Lase

Alias(es): Though he hated it, at one time his group called him Slinky, and when they felt mean it was Vent-Rat (the struggles of not getting to choose your own code name...)

Gender: Male

Age: Mid-twenties

Place of birth: space. the final frontier-- Rewill was born on the spaceport Victorious, near Etak’s orbiting space

Spoken languages: Common, Tech, fragments of Celes, and more recently, Tarthul

Sexual orientation: Bi, with a slight preference toward women

Occupation: ...... modern day privateer >.>

APPEARANCE

Eye colour: Green

Hair colour: brown

Height: 5′10″

Scars: LOADS OF EM

Burns: slighter fewer than scars, but STILL LOADS

Overweight: heavens no

Underweight: yes, though he would prefer it be phrased “lean”

FAVOURITE

Color: whatever color the horizon is at present

Hair colour: blonde

Eye colour: blue

Music genre: old school rock n roll

Movie genre: Horror/Slasher

TV Show: I wish I had the worldbuilding to invent tv shows for Pryza, but it’s probably an anime tbh

Food: Anything from the rundown little food vendor at the end of the district near his old home

Drink: if you ask him he’d probably say Slurm and leave you to figure out why he started laughing

Book: some old programming book he stole from Mach, which he can barely even read because it’s written in Enochian

HAVE THEY

Passed university: his application to JANUS says yes... ;)

Had sex: Definitely yes

Had sex in public: Public as in on the sidewalk of a pedestrian walking space? No.

Public as in somewhere you probably should not be having relations/could easily be stumbled upon? Yes, unfortunately.

Gotten pregnant: This is not that kind of SciFi my friend

Kissed a boy: yes, many

Kissed a girl: yes, m a n y

Gotten tattoos: Yes, though he lost all but one (on his chest)

Gotten piercings: His ears are full of more holes than a block of swiss cheese, but he removed most of them for his work at JANUS

Had a broken heart: ..yes

Been in love: Tragically so

Stayed up for more than 24 hours: His record is a week before he lost functionality and was forcibly knocked out by a coworker

ARE THEY

A virgin: HELL NAW

A cuddler: HELL YES

A kisser: Let’s put it this way. If he could kiss people in greeting and at every positive turn of events without being slapped, he would

Scared easily: By certain things, yes, but not ordinarily

Jealous easily: In a sorta cute “nooo pay attention to meeee” puppy dog way

Trustworthy: Trustworthy as in won’t lie or possibly go back on his word? No.

As in won’t willingly cause you harm and means the best for you/has your back? Yes.

Dominant: 30% normally (though he cranks it up to 100% when he’s in a familiar setting and shit needs doing)

Submissive: 70%. He just likes being pushed around. Leaves more brain power to be snarky

In love: Augh, yes

Single: By circumstance, yes

RANDOM QUESTIONS

Have they harmed themselves: Via general recklessness and stupidity, yes. As a result of dark thoughts, no.

Thought of suicide: Yes

Attempted suicide: Yes

Wanted to kill someone: Has actively killed someone

Ride a horse: He’s never seen a horse in his life but he’d love to ride one if there were any on Etak

Have/had a job: ...technically?

Have any fears: THERE ARE NUMEROUS FEARS. Primarily afraid of Etak’s weather, though

FAMILY

Sibling(s): None that he knows of / some in-laws

Parents: Never knew them, never learned who they were / Rapur has since “adopted” him

Children: 8C

Pets: There are two [redacted], named Anubis and Fenrir, which he has not seen for some time

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’ ‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’ ‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’ ‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’ ‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’ ‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’ ‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’ ‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’ ‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’ ‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’ ‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’ ‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’ ‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’ ‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’ ‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’ ‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’ ‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’ ‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’ ‘  i’m pb&j -- petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’ ‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’ ‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’ ‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’ ‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’ ‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’ ‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’ ‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’ ‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’ ‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’ ‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’ ‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’ ‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’ ‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’ ‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’ ‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’ ‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’ ‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’ ‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’ ‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’ ‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’ ‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’ ‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’ ‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’ ‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’ ‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’ ‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’ ‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’ ‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’ ‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’ ‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’ ‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’ ‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’ ‘  honestly... us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’ ‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’ ‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’ ‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’ ‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’ ‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’ ‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’ ‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’ ‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’ ‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’ ‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’ ‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’ ‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’ ‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’ ‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’ ‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’ ‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’ ‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’ ‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  you can start again anytime!  ’ ‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’ ‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’ ‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’ ‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’ ‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’ ‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’ ‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’ ‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’ ‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’ ‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’ ‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’ ‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’ ‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’ ‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’ ‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’ ‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’ ‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’ ‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’ ‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’ ‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’ ‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’ ‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’ ‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’ ‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’ ‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’ ‘  you son of a mumford!  ’ ‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’ ‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’ ‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’ ‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’ ‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’ ‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’ ‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’ ‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’ ‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’ ‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’ ‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’ ‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’ ‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’ ‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’ ‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’ ‘  i have a question for u: like are u done... like is it over?  ’ ‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’ ‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’ ‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’ ‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

[merriemelodie]

1, 16, 17, 28 and 50. :33

End of Year Meme

THANK YOU MY LOVE ALWAYS COMIN IN CLUTCH

[EDIT: This one gets REALLY LONG AND ANGRILY ANECDOTAL, so I put it under a Read More. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE]

Let’s hit it!!!

1.) First things first, did you have a good year?

…Right now, it feels like a pretty resounding “NO,” but that’s just my most recent history clouding the first half of the year or so. The first half was actually pretty great, personally speaking, and it’s laid the foundation for all of the good things that were (and are) to come. So, I guess, if I’m being completely fair, it was a solid “meh,” with both good and bad parts to it.

16.) What food did you try for the first time?

Wow, what a good question! I’m not always the most adventurous when it comes to food, so I’ll have to think about this one. Hm…

Well, I finally tried sweet potato casserole (which my aunt makes, without fail, for every major winter holiday), and HI I THINK I LOVE HER. So, uh, yeah! We’ll go with that!

17.) Did you make any big permanent changes this year?

Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is “I worsened my vocal damage, and done so to the degree that I may not be able to sing well ever again,” SO THERE’S THAT. I’d really like to find something positive, though. I guess it’s hard, because very little (in my perspective, anyway) truly proves itself to be permanent. I made some changes here and there (good and bad), but I don’t know how long they’ll last. I guess this might be a question I’ll be able to fully answer later on down the road.

28.) Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BOY. YES.  YES. VERY RECENTLY, ACTUALLY. BUCKLE IN, KIDS.

So, my family and I decided to spend Christmas at Walt Disney World this year; and, because we can’t let anything pass by without making it just a little bit weird, we decided to invite my mom’s ex-husband to come along, too. (He went with us on our last WDW trip, as well. I had #MixedFeelings about it then, and I had #MixedFeelings about it this time, too.) Here’s the dealy-deal with this guy: he was a MASSIVE DICK when he was married to my mom (to the point where she still has unresolved issues with him, but decides to invite him on a Disney vacation??? LOL SURE OKAY). Like, refused to communicate, conducted a quasi-affair, flat-out told her he didn’t love her, LOTS OF FUN STUFF. So, they divorced a few years back, and that was that. How we came back into each other’s lives a while later is another story, but living on his own for the past few years and whatnot truly did seem to bring about a change of heart in him—one that I welcomed, if only to stop the constant barrage of vitriol that I had to hear about him at home. 

The last WDW trip we took with him didn’t turn out that bad, if only a little uncomfortable for me (because he’s that guy that laughs at people for expressing genuine excitement over something, as opposed to doing so ~ironically~ or just flat-out snarking through everything. I can do both, but I don’t want to if I don’t have to. It just put me in a really weird spot, TBH. THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT THO). So, they went ahead and invited him on this trip, and I was like, “Well, it worked out last trip, and nobody wanted to kill each other, so I guess I can roll with this one.”

Well, as 2017 was wont to do, NOPE.

Here’s the other dealy-deal with this guy. He is a Republican™. Not a republican, a Republican™. We’re talking about a baby-boomer, boot-strap-puller-upper, global-warming-conspiracy-theorist, “PUT-GOD-BACK-IN-OUR-SCHOOLS”-er, wouldn’t-watch-Finding-Dory-because-there-was-a-lesbian-couple-in-it Republican™. The guy likely jerks off to Fox News, and spends the afterglow scrolling through Breitbart. I knew it (because the dude used to drive me places while BLARING Rush Limbaugh and loudly agreeing with everything, and even a14-year-old me with no interest in politics knew BS when I heard it). I had just hoped that, after some time spent apart (and with a heart that had, apparently, been softened in that time), he might choose to apply some of that new-found openmindedness towards other things.

N O P E

So, we’re going to Walt Disney World, right? There’s a show there at the Magic Kingdom called Hall of Presidents, right smack-dab in the middle of Liberty Square. Now, I don’t know if you know this, since there was absolutely no coverage about it at all (😒), but the show had been under refurbishment for a year or so to install A Certain Orange Person, now that That Certain Orange Person, thanks in part to the unaccredited Electoral College, gets to sit in the Oval Office—but now, it’s finally (and very recently) reopened.

Clearly, I don’t have to tell you what my feelings are about the whole thing (because, if you have a pulse, you can read, and you’ve been on my blog for more than 5 minutes, then you likely already know). You know without a doubt whose name was filled in on my ballot last November—or, at the very least, whose wasn’t.

I’m sure you also probably already know, then, exactly whose name was on the ballot of my mom’s ex-husband.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(I’m suffering.)

Well, fast forward to CHRISTMAS ACTUAL DAY, and the trip’s almost over. Everyone’s getting on each other’s nerves a little bit more, and the pettiest parts of me are DELIGHTED by that (because that likely means I won’t need to continue to put my own discomfort about the guy on the back burner on any future vacations because HE AIN’T GON BE THERE). We’re sitting through CHRISTMAS ACTUAL DINNER; and, after delicately discussing how terrible the Certain Orange Person’s audio-animatronic seemed to look (something we all agreed upon, his “liberal Imagineer sabotage” conspiracy theory aside), I changed the subject and started joking about how I was going to stay in Orlando and submit my application for employment with the Walt Disney Company (which is also not that much a gag, tbh). Jokes about job interviews came up, and I said I’d find a nice pantsuit, and The Ex, inevitably, turns it into a Hillary Clinton joke, comparing me to her. I look him dead in the face, and say, “Welp, I’m choosing to take that as a compliment, since she has such a long, impressive resume.” 

(Like, there are things about Hillary that I very decidedly Do Not Like, but you can’t deny that she was more than qualified to hold the Office of the Presidency, given all the experience she’s had. That is a compliment to me.) 

The Ex looks at me, and goes, “Well, it wasn’t one.”

NICE AND FRIGID. WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND, EVEN.

But I let it go, because this is my vacation, too, dammit, and as much as I’d LOVE to scream about politics (clearly. PLEASE VISIT MY BLOG SOMETIME), I wasn’t gonna crap on what was left of our time there—AND ON CHRISTMAS DAY, NO LESS. We finished the meal, he visited the restroom, I vented to the rest of my family about his political herd mentality and potential moral bankruptcy until he came back, and I promptly shut up once he was in earshot. That, I thought, would be that.

ALAS.

We’re in Liberty Square, we don’t have any place to be, and it’s one of the last times we’re going to be in the Magic Kingdom before we leave. What do we do that we hadn’t yet done?

What else? GO TO THE HALL OF PRESIDENTS.

GOD.

Okay, so, real quick, I’m gonna take this opportunity to give kudos to the Imagineers who worked on that refurb, because they upgraded the projectors/footage to 4K, AND IT WAS STUNNING. My ACTUAL BREATH was TAKEN AWAY. If they were pouring all their work into that, it’s understandable why they didn’t have that much manpower going towards not making 45 look like a dirty sweat sock. (But, again, the Petty Petty Salt Queen in me was also cackling at that, because BEAUTY IS AS BEAUTY DOES BINCH, so I let it ride.)

So, we’re in there, and we get through the really abridged (and surprisingly not too sanitized) montage on American history, which was moving and stuff. After that, we get to some iconic speech excerpts from Presidents past, one of which is Obama’s speech at the Edmund Pettus Bridge to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the Selma to Montgomery marches. This is a speech whose significance cannot be denied, and whose relevance has never been greater. It is inspirational, moving, and certainly one that deserves its place in the history books.

I’ve gotten more liberal with my profanity over the last year or so (and you can probably guess why), but I still very much hesitate to drop the F-bomb. Let that tell you everything, then, about this next phrase—and about my mom’s ex-husband:

During this impassioned, poignant, important speech about race relations, and equity, and perseverance, and the indomitable spirit of humanity, and how justice will prevail, this motherfucker starts booing.

Excuse me?

Look, I get that it’s been a rough fuckin’ year, and that there’s more of a divide between people and their differences than there has been in a while—but most good people have enough decorum and basic human decency to NOT BOO DURING A SPEECH ABOUT THE PROMISE OF THE FUTURE, AND THE DREAMS OF A WORLD THAT PROMISES PEACE AND EQUALITY FOR ALL PEOPLE.

Like, holy fucking shit, guys. I had to sit next to him and watch him boo peace and harmony, just because it came from the mouth of a guy he didn’t like.

The messenger doesn’t change the message. That this asshole let it—and just did something like that without a second thought—horrifies and frightens me to a massive degree. I guess it’s also worse, because I know the guy, and I know he rarely, if ever, has strong opinions of his own. You ask him what he thought about something without having been exposed to a conversation about it first, and he him-haws and stutters so much, you wonder if synapses stopped firing in his brain. He takes his cues (and his beliefs) from others—like Fox News, and the people he surrounds himself with. He pulled that shit in the Hall of Presidents likely because he saw it pulled elsewhere, and went along with it because “that’s what I have to do, because that’s what a true republican does.” (This behavior was A Whole Thing in his marriage to my mother, trust.) 

All I kept thinking at the time was, if this is what he’s willing to do—and all without anybody standing in front of him and giving him actual directives—what else would he do without hesitation, just because he sees others doing it?

That’s a terrifying reality, and one that’s more common than I think we realize sometimes.

If he didn’t like Obama (or if he felt like he shouldn’t like Obama, rather) then he could’ve just stayed silent. It took more energy for him to cup his hands around his rude-ass mouth and FUCKING BOO WORDS ABOUT UNITY AND FREEDOM than to just keep his feelings to himself. It was all the proof I needed that he hadn’t changed at all; or, if he had, it was wholly for the worse. It was the human embodiment of what got Trump in office: racism, hatred, bigotry, incompetence, close-mindedness, and a toxic, xenophobic hive-mind mentality.

I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the trip. (I’m still shaking while writing this.)

50.) What do you wish for yourself?

To find happiness, and give myself permission to keep it.

Thank you, my darling! I hope your 2018 is everything you wished your 2017 could have been. You deserve nothing less than that.

[gnatnip]

i’m sorry i have to fukken vent a tad bit about the stupidest show i’ve watched in some time now

so basically, this show wants me to draw parallels between downworlders and jews during ww2... but like what the fuck? the downworlders have a history of violent conflict with shadowhunters??? some of them are currently actively instigating this shit?? and the whole origin of the mistrust of them is the fact that they prey on mundanes.... so..... how is this at all like the holocaust???? i understand u wanna be like ““no,,, prejudice is bad and STOP RACIAL PROFILING” but fucking don’t shove this holocaust shit down my throat it’s JUST NOT APPLICABLE jews aren’t vampires what the actual fuck lmao

ditto with isabelle’s drug addiction arc.... fucking lmao when she goes “i’m a yin fen addict” like i’m sorry i laughed out loud. like with this whole thing i actually like the idea of her being addicted to vampire venom and that driving all kinds of problems but fuck I just couldn’t take it seriously when she just says it like that idk man lol....

also, why is this whole series just a big game of “who is jace’s real dad”??? i don’t care. i don’t give even one shit. and valentine is LITERALLY A KNOWN LIAR he already lied about your lineage once why the FUCK do you keep believing him???? He could have that ring and still be lying about who you are smh

On that note, I feel like none of the main characters are particularly relatable and/or likeable. They’re all over the fucking place, Jace is just obnoxious and Clary is the most manic pixiest ass dream girl ever. The only one I like is Alec and only because he’s played by Matthew Daddario the most attractive man on earth.

Also, just now, when Maia and Jace hook up for the first time.... she goes “prove your’re not in love with Clary” and kisses him, and then goes “this means nothing” so um, okay, then HOW DOES THAT PROVE ANYTHING? like he can have meaningless sex with her and still have feelings for clary what the fuck,,,, and that’s obviously what’s about to happen....... sigh

On that note, I hate the fake incest story arc. This show hasn’t made me care about Clary and Jace’s relationship, not even a little bit. Thinking they’re sibs is only icky and not a real disappointment, and learning they’re not related doesn’t make me root for them again. It all just feels pointless. 

The last beef I have with this dumb show is the continued obsession with archaic weaponry. So the mortal instruments are necessary to activate some incredible power, whatever, that makes sense. I guess. But for everyday demon killing, why does it have to be swords???? Seriously, wouldn’t it make more tactical sense to invent seraph guns of some sort? I get that swords are more fantastic and exciting but it’s irritating that they’re running around 21st century New York City with fucking swords I mean come on.... How did this never occur to ANYONE,, in the last few hundred years guns have been around in the mundane world?

Okay and the last thing I’m going to say because Jace just gave Alec command of the Institute.... aren’t they like nineteen??? Even if Herondale does think Jace is her grandson, why would she let him run the entire Institute? He’s a fucking teenager and,, also, on top of that, he’s shown himself to be emotionally unstable. He’s their “top fighter” I get it but that doesn’t qualify him to be head of the Institute and make really big important decisions??? Like he’s shown time and time again that he just wants to protect Clary and that’s about it,, I would NEVER put him in charge of anything tbh

The last thing I have to say is.... I love Harry Shum Jr and I’m glad he’s getting work etc but why did it have to be this. He brings light into my life I like a good eccentric bisexual warlock as much as the next gal but he deserves better roles than this he really does.

Ok FUCK last thing... the Alec/Magnus thing came out of nowhere? Like basically it goes from Magnus’ one-side attraction because he’s a 900 year old hedonist (creepy tbh), to Alec admitting he had a thing for Jace, to ok now he thinks Magnus is cute and they’re kissing, they’re dating, and they love each other? It happens sort of fast and sort of for no reason that we are actually shown other than they think the other is attractive. Ditto with the Clary/Jace dynamic. I mean I can /kind/ of see it? Kind of? If I squint? But Simon/Clary just makes so much more fucking sense, or at least we’re given way more evidence of why they work well as a couple? I guess the point of her ending up with Jace is that it’s a more passionate whirlwind romance based on animal attraction rather than familiarity/affection but fuck that tbh, other than the fact that Simon deserves to not end up with Clary anyway. 

You know what,, last thing. I lied about not liking any of the characters. I like Luke. And I weirdly like Raphael. And despite all of this show’s best efforts, I like the Lightwood twins. But overall, fuck this show and fuck me for watching it all the way through and probably continuing to watch it in the future

[junowife]

can you please answer all of the questions🙏

Holy shit. Yeah sure wow haha. Sadly I haven’t been on a date since the last ask though so just keep that in mind. I’m really inexperienced for an 18 year old whoops. 

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Maybe a carnival/fair? OH or a planetarium?????? That sounds pretty snazzy. Anything but a movie tbh. 

2. whats your “type”

Female. I honestly don’t know though. For awhile I mostly liked androgynous/soft butch girls but I mean femme girls are great too?? And like… all girls in between??? Girls are great?????? Idk this is too hard. 

3. do you want kids?

YES

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?- answered!

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on- answered! 

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)- ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I’m a virgin. 

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Night time. I mean PREFERABLY would I want to be a morning time gay? Yeah sure.. but that doesn’t stop me from staying up until 4/5 am every night. 

8. opinion on nap dates?- answered! 

9. opinion on brown eyes?

Fucking stunning??? They’re so warm and beautiful I love them. 

10. dog gay or cat gay?

Probably dogs. I looooove cats but I need a clingy as fuck animal. I need to know I’m needed lmfao. (Also I like playing rough and the with playful doggers.)

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

Yeah?? All animals are great. I would probably be wary if it was like a tarantula or something. 

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

If they don’t really get my sarcasm/sense of humor… This is an official callout post to some of the girls I’ve spoken to on Her geez. 

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

I thought being gay was a terrible and gross thing to be. I don’t know if that counts?? But I only saw gay used as an insult on youtube. My parents never explained it to me so that was my first encounter with the term gay. God youtube also got 11 year old me saying lesbo and f*g before I even realized what it meant. ALSO jenna marbles made this one video called Girl Crush (i think) and when I was curious about my sexuality I found that. I thought all girls just weren’t attracted to boys and my crushes on girls was just a normal Straight thing to do. I mean that only repressed it until I was 14 until I called bullshit but still. That was more of a misconception about myself but I think it counts because I am a L person in the lgb. 

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

Listen man don’t stress too much about your sexuality. I know you feel like you’re lying to yourself and everyone around you if you don’t know EXACTLY who you are at this moment.. but you’ll figure it out. It’ll be fine and you won’t feel uncomfortable about it eventually. ALSO FUCK NICOLE YOU DON’T NEED HER SHE NEVER LOVED YOU. 

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?- not applicable 

16. who is an ex you regret?

I’m gonna say an ex-crush- Nicole because fuck her. 

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

Probably night club; they sound really fun and I can’t wait to go to one. 

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

pffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt no one. Plus I would “go” bisexual if anything?

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

Moviesssss!!

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Pricefield from Life is Strange. 

21. favourite gay youtuber

I like watching Shane Dawson sometimes. (He’s bisexual though.)

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

Nooope. I’ve never asked anyone out period. I’m a coward. :)

23. have you ever been in love?

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk. One sided love is a thing right? If it’s supposed to be mutual then no. 

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

yea

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

OKAY SO LIKE USUALLY I DONT GET THIS WHOLE THING. Like I’m usually just gay for people?? Like maybe I’ll like a certain feature of them that I want but I never wanna BE someone. If I like someone that much I probably just wanna be with them. 

26. favourite lgb musician/band

MY QUEEN HAYLEY KIYOKO I SAW HER IN CONCERT AND IM LOVE HER??

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

Figuring yourself out is a long process that you don’t need to rush. Feelings are hard to sort out and may take years. It’s okay to figure out something new about yourself and change your label. There’s no penalties in life, I promise. ALSO! Stay safe please. Don’t come out if you’re not comfortable. You’re not any less apart of this community if you’re not out.  

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

I mean yeah I’m “out.” Not to everyone I’ve ever known but to most of the people who matter. Stop here if you don’t wanna read every coming out story lmao. 

My first time actually coming out was in 9th grade. I told these two girls and they were totally fine with it. (one is still one of my best friends…. my other best friend now didn’t take it well since she’s religious. She tolerates it.) Then I told this other girl I was friends with and it was a disaster. Nicole was a fucking bitch and I’ll never forgive her. My mom found out because I was dropping hints and she asked me. She was totally fine with. I told my sister and she said she knew. I still don’t know how. Now fast forward almost 3 years… I tell my dad. It wasn’t great. He doesn’t “get” it and thinks he failed me somehow as a dad. But he said it was fine eventually but we still don’t generally speak about it. I told my grandma right after my dad a few months ago with a gay joke. She took it BAD. She said I’m not old enough to know what I want. She still refers to me marrying a man in the future. 

ANNNNND That’s all folks!

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

My grandma’s was the most uncomfortable. My other best friend was kinda strange. (The one who took it kinda bad.) I was venting to her how Nicole yelled at me for coming out and I completely forgot I never told her I wasn’t straight. It was super awkward when her eyes widened and she said, “Uh.. wait, you’re not straight?” and then I realized my mistake. 

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

As I said before, above all else STAY SAFE!!! That’s the number one priority for you. I know you want to express every wonderful part of who you are, but if there’s any possibility of having to face negative consequences while doing so… do not do it. Wait. Wait until you’re out of the toxic and unsafe environment. Also maybe find an outlet online? Tumblr or LGBT youtube usually did the trick for me. (Of course erase the browsing history haha). Always remember you’re not alone, even if it feels it. 

Okay…… that’s all of them wow. You’re amazing if you read even like a portion of that. Okie dokie thanks to the anon!!

[0mam]

Update Mid February

So my suspicions have been validated. Have to see a psychiatrist to 100% verify my diagnosis & hopefully start medication.

I am only comfortable starting now since I know exactly what is wrong.

A small inconvenience triggered a slew of memories that led to me venting to Grégoire about some experiences growing up. When I asked for his thoughts on the subject, he simply said that I deserved love & I honestly did not expect that to hit me as hard as it did. Even thinking about it tears me up. He is so content with me & how I am. He wants to know more about me & ofc I love talking about myself. I just feel like I should tell him more so he knows why I am the way I am & he loves to listen.

Talking to ally about Betty really helped me clarify that the things that happened to me were not my fault. I’ve always known it, but for someone else to say it felt so good. I never did anything wrong (as far as I knew) & I think she didn’t like me because of what I represented.

Grégoire got his first PhD program acceptance on Saturday & shit suddenly got v real. Like it’s been our hope for a long time now, but the opportunity is there now. Like... idk why this man wants anything to do with me sometimes. I am not as impressive as him yet but I always reassure myself that I offer much else. I am kind, fair, funny, forgiving, intelligent, respectful, giving, a great baker & I make pizzas. I don’t want to put him on a pedestal & i always make sure to stay away from that. I always keep myself tethered to reality. I get lost in my own mind a lot & it’s easy for me to create elaborate scenarios that will never happen. I never think far into the future, only 3ish years. Grégoire once let it slip up that he could see us still together in 7 years. Like... damn. He’s got it just as bad as I do. But back to his acceptance, it feels really good to know that it can happen now. There are like 4 other schools he’s waiting to hear back from, but to know that he’s been accepted to a school in my city... it’s exciting and relieving. It’s a really big decision tho & I don’t want him to rush. Excited for him to get more acceptances this. Cant believe his father asked me if he would even be accepted into a school, “of course, I think he’s extremely smart, he talks to me about tropical geometry & machine learning algorithms all the time & I try my best to keep up. I think he’s extremely smart, I’m sure many schools would be happy to receive his application.”

He’s going to an amusement park this weekend w an old friend from high school and I won’t talk to him much. A bit bummed tbh because I’ll miss him, but I’m gonna try and make some foiccacia & maybe some soft sugar cookies but idk. I just want to finish this weeks yt video for sure tho. He said something about wanting to visit in early April & it made me tear up. I wanted to see him before him seeing me but it’s just tuff w work rn. It’ll workout tho, I’ve got a v thick nest underneath Incase the worst happens.

We’ve discussed him moving in w me if he goes to school here and we are both v hesitant. We don’t want to rush but we are open to it. We’ve lightly chatted about him getting his own place even if we spend many nights at the others place. Like I just love him and I cannot believe all of this has happened with a man I matched w on a Tinder. Like... all of this feels insane a lot of the time. I am so fortunate to meet this man. I am so in love.

[2slowgoers]

10.20.19 - brutally honest

Hi W!

I’m not entirely inspired right now, but I’ve been thinking throughout the day, since I was inspired, and want to be able to write some stuff and articulate things. I’ll respond your previous post after I’ve written out my new content.

First thing, I spent these 4 days of bed rest binge watching a Kdrama, a rom com that I absolutely adore to bits! I just finished and my heart is AH <3. It’s called Fight My Way and reminds me of bits of pieces of Strong Woman DBS and Weightlifting Fairy. It’s got a strong female lead (the 2nd lead is also strong in a subtle way), and it’s about two best friends (since childhood) who eventually fall in love. It’s so sweet! And it’s completely my style haha, I’ve seen too many Kdramas at this point, I recognize most of the actors lmao. ANYWAYS, this drama brought me through an emotional rollercoaster over these couple of days, because the really main point of the show is about 4 twenty-somethings navigating their life, dreams, and relationships. Most of them were stuck in some menial, daily life grind job, and were not getting to do what they really loved at the beginning of the show. I felt super reassured cuz Kdramas tend to have 28/29 year olds still struggling to figure out their life, so it just helps me feel comforted. Seeing some of them in their day jobs, and hating it, but doing it because they have to earn money, was SO friggin relatable. One of them did customer service for a bit and was yelled at over the phone, and boy I almost cried from relatable that moment was. Watching them face their fear to follow their dreams, and fail along the way, but still persist, was honestly so moving to watch. It’s a more realistic show, and they did face a lot of failures. The main female lead had to go up against many applicants who had prestigious backgrounds like studying abroad or come from rich families, and she was continuously rejected, but she persisted and found something else that she loved to do. I will now tie in how this Kdrama feels so relevant to my life right now...

I named todays post “brutally honest” because I want to take this chance to be properly honest with you, once and for all, about how I feel my life. I added “brutally” because, honestly after spending 4 days alone in my room on my bed, it gives me a chance to clear away distractions and thoughts about daily life, to really self reflect. I could spend these days thinking about things I normally think about, but I’d usually run into life distractions that’d make me stop. It’s also brutal, because my thoughts can get pretty dark. But I’m trying not to see them as dark, but rather just being brutally honest about my life. You get a slice of what my journal entries look like :P

I am SO uninspired by my life in the Bay Area. If I think too much about it, I think I might be pretty miserable? The only reason I don’t think I’m super miserable on the daily basis is because I have distractions and I try not to think too much about it. But the truth is, I think my life is miserable, and to look at my own life, I hate myself. I’m actually growing so much hate for my current life, that I feel motivated to grow and cultivate a future that will never let me have to relive this life again. Combined with these health complications and my tendency to live life thinking “life’s so short, u never know when ur gna die”, I just don’t think the life I am living right now is worth living, if my life is truly going to be short. Some of the characters in Fight My Way go through this experience, and confront the misery they had (except they were living it for 5+ years - throughout their early and mid twenties). I don’t know how much you know, or how much what I say has impacted you, because I try to keep it low key, but I really really really really hate my life here. I just REALLY REALLY hate it. I hate what i’m doing for my job. I hate what the Bay Area is full of. I hate being surrounded by the energy here. I do NOT want to be here. And tbh I think I would be like this in any big American city. I would be like this at any corporate job. It’s not where I am working specifically, it’s not the Bay Area specifically, but I am just so so so UNinspired. I know for a fact I am capable of being inspired and feeling motivated, and yet I feel like I am wasting my days away. I am literally just here to earn the minimal money I can so I can get out of here as soon as possible. I think I am capable of getting through each day because I can lie to myself for the short term. That I’m learning... or I have great coworkers... I’m so lucky to live here for the rent I pay... I live a comfortable and privileged life - okay those are not lies, but tbh don’t think I’m learning much at all. In order to get through the next 7 months, I think I have to numb myself. And the only reason I’ve been able to get this far (1.5+ years), is because I lied to myself about all the things I want to accomplish and I am able to do here. Ok, saying that I lied to myself might be a bit brutal, but I did have to convince myself why I should have come here, get the jobs I did, and be here. Some days I can appreciate the things i’ve gone through and learned, and I think I had to have been here to go onto what ever is next for me. But just so I can make it very clear... I hope to Never. Ever. Ever. EVER. Return to the life I am living now. I can only go up from here, based on my own standards. I will return if I absolutely, financially, need to again, but god I really hate the tech world. I hate that I have to spend my everyday life pretending to like it and be enthusiastic about it (it’s hard especially when I’m interviewing candidates and I have to say how excited and how much i love everything sigh). I am SO SO SO SO SICK of myself for what I put myself through the past (soon to be) 3 years. I so sincerely hope that once I hit June 2020, that will be the end of this phase for me. What’s next? Who knows god what. (Well, I have some ideas, but I will reveal them when I am a bit more ready). 

Ok. That was my brutally honest vent about how I really actually feel about my life. I effing hate it. But I can only pretend not to hate it for a few more months. It’s really hard, to not feel like I can ever be my true self, that I don’t even know what my true self is, I just know that my everyday right now is not it. On a related note, I also don’t feel the most comfortable living where I am right now, because it feels like it’s owned and dominated by someone else, you know? Another future goal is to finally live somewhere I can truly feel at home and I can be myself in too. The closest I have to feeling that way about a home was living with H, but otherwise, everywhere I lived was always owned or shared with someone else... I cannot wait for the day I get to have my own space, my own kitchen! and I get to dictate wat the heck I want to do with it.

All of this is linked to the Kdrama, Fight My Way, because the characters went through something similar to what I am going through now, and I found it inspiring how they got through things and how happy they are. Also, just btw, the main characters are considered “not normal” in the society they live in, and there were a lot of lines emphasizing “Live the life you want to live. Don’t look at how others are living. Live the mainstream life that is for YOU”. So yeah :’) 

My Responses to your last post: - thank you for sharing me the thoughts and feelings about your age and how that plays into the relationships you have. I wouldn’t say I have personally experienced that. I am hyper conscious of age, but actually of when people are younger than me, rather than the other way around. It’s because I think about what I was like when I was at that age, and think of how different I was (even like now vs when I was 19). I didn’t know you did an art camp with 17 year olds when you were 12! That is quite the gap. I can see why you would want to hide your age. I know that when I was traveling, most people were older than me and they were usually surprised at my age when I told them, but I would get compliments for being mature for my age. I’d imagine the same would happen for you. It’s interesting how your mom wanted you to hang out with older folks to “improve” yourself, because you’re right, older folks can also be very immature... I mean, is your aunt (w/ the wechat name) someone you want to have mature conversations with? lol - I agree with your therapist that “responsibility” can be redefined. I lean more to the letting her stumble and make mistakes kind of responsibility, because she needs to grow up and see the world for what it really is to learn her lessons.

Aight, my turn to try to sleep. I hope to make it physically to work tomorrow! Because tbh I feel bad for missing so much of work this month. But I also could care less at this point... because of what I wrote about in this post lol.

- L

[canaryatlaw]

I need to write because I’m feeling emotional about a bunch of instagram comments that just resulted in a giant twitter rant but I think I got most of it out. Today was alright. I had my alarm set for 11:30 for my job interview at 1:30. So I started getting ready, doing my make up and all that, getting my suit on and was ready to go by 12:30. This one wasn’t far from me, one of the only offices not located downtown but rather a good bit north. This wouldn’t necessarily be an improvement though, because I’d still probably have to be at court every day in the loop, so it would just mean breaking up the travel more during the day but would still take a good bit of time. I got there just around 1, which would normally be the point I found a coffee shop or such to chill in for a bit, except now that I wasn’t downtown there wasn’t one within sight, so instead I ended up going into the sports bar across the street (which was mostly empty given it was the middle of the day on a Thursday) and told them I had a job interview across the street in half an hour and asked if it was cool if I got a soda and chilled there for a bit and they said sure, so I got a coke and chilled out there for a bit, then went to their bathroom to make sure everything was in working order. Went over a few minutes before 1:30, waited a few minutes, then got called back to the office. The first few minutes were awkward because he couldn’t find the resume I sent him which he had printed out for our phone conversation the other day and he was like “you don’t have one with you?” and I had to be like yeah no....generally if they have it in advance that’s not something I need to do. so that was kinda awkward but then he found it and it was all good. It was a pretty good interview I’d say, I could definitely tell that they liked me a lot, they were very impressed with my class rank (top 15% baby) especially the other lawyer who came in to help who was an alum of my school, so that was good. The subject matter is basically the same as my old job would be, personal injury stuff, which obviously is not my favorite, but it is what it is. Whenever I go into an interview with this stuff I end up talking about working with my dad and they’re all like “well why aren’t you just working with him?” and of course the answer is because that’s not the type of law I actually want to do but I can’t say that, so I just throw in a line about how my brother’s eventually going to take over the business and I do not want to work with him in a professional environment (they were pressing me a bit about this like “well why not?” is he just an asshole?” and I was just like “yeah he’s an asshole 😂😂😂 and that was about it). I know I do a good sell in interviews about my previous experience applying even if it’s not the same subject matter because I have experience doing all the major components of a law practice (court, motions, all that good stuff) and my main goal is to help people, and that translates of course because personal injury is still helping people, just not quite the way I’d want to, but I can make a fairly good argument for that. When they asked about where I’d like to be down the road I went with the whole well I want to be with a nonprofit and for that I need to know the civil law system, so I’m gonna get experience with that here, which was the game plan with the last job, so it makes sense. But yeah it went pretty well, they definitely liked me and told me as much, though I’m still rather conflicted over all of it. I used the bathroom before I left only to find I had a giant lipstick smear across my teeth and I was like !!! men!!! they don’t tell you these things!! lol but oh well. I was originally gonna take the bus back but then the app said the next one wasn’t coming for 17 minutes, so I went to get an uber pool but that was taking forever to load, and while that was still trying to figure that out a bus pulled up (the tracker app is wrong sometimes) so I just cancelled the uber (before it was set so I didn’t lose any money) and got on the bus, then took that down to the red line which I took north and got off at the Target because I needed to pick up prescriptions and a few random items (like lemonade, pretzels, flour, sugar, and seaweed) which I got and then did an uber pool home which was a bit of a mess because we were supposed to pick up another passenger after me and the guy didn’t know what he was doing and I was trying to help but the car was moving in the wrong direction on the app and it was a whole big mess and the other rider ended up cancelling so it was like welp just wasted 5 minutes trying to figure that out. Oh well. Dropped me off close to home and walked the rest of the way, I was starting to get cramps at this point (period started today, happy valentines day to me) so I kinda just wanted to curl into a ball and die at this point. but I put the groceries away and changed back into my pajamas and flopped in front of the tv to watch some of the Americans, which I ended up watching through the season 3 finale. I’m going through it a lot faster that I thought I would, probably because the seasons are only 13 episodes. I’ve been craving bubble tea like all week, so I finally got some of that, and then a bit later decided I was gonna get my rice ball so I ordered one and a small pizza (the delivery minimum was $15 and the rice ball was only $3 so I needed more) so I got to enjoy that (the rice ball wasn't quite as good as I was hoping, but definitely still enjoyable). I switched over to tv shortly before Brooklyn 99 started and then watched that, which was such a quality episode I loved it. when that was done I went to netflix to watch some more of Reign, but of course netflix still wasn’t cooperating and keep freezing every 3 seconds which was super annoying. At some point I called my dad to talk about the interview and everything. The thing is I’m so close with OPG on the horizon and so close to being within grasp I really don’t want to get stuck at a job I really don’t want- and tbh I really don’t want this job because it’s not at all what I’m interested in, and they also made it clear they were looking for someone who was going to stay late several days a week and work on the weekends and like.....I can’t do that, I have a life, I don’t want to be working 70 hours a week, I don't think my body could even sustain that. But I mean, if I get offered the job it would seem foolish to turn it down.....but I mean at this point if it happens I might have to do that because I don’t want to get stuck. At this point I’m definitely not going to apply for any more jobs, I talked to the temp people the other day and they said they hadn’t had an applicable projects yet but probably would soon, so the ideal situation would definitely be to work with them being very flexible until the OPG situation works itself out, so I’m just hoping that’s what I’m able to do from here on. It just stresses me out because I’m already stressed about money and I’m hesitant to book any more con plans without having some income (and there’s at least two that we want to book right now) so I’m hoping the temp stuff will get me some soon. so I vented all of that on my dad and he pretty much agreed with me that I should wait for the job I really want, so that’s encouraging at least. It was a good convo, talked to my mom a bit too before going back to netflix. so yeah, lots of feeling going on today. I watched Reign for a while longer until my roommate got out of the shower and I started getting ready for bed, then while going through the few instagram accounts I check daily I stumbled upon a conversation about a person asking if God still loved them even though they were gay, and that gave me a lot of emotion so I left a long comment there and then went on a whole twitter rant about it, which is probably influenced by me feeling extra emotional because I’m on my period, but oh well, it was good stuff and I don’t regret it. and yeah, after that I started writing this and now I am here. Tomorrow I’m free during the day and then going to the Kpop concert at night, then super early Saturday morning we’re flying out to New York for the weekend, seeing The Cursed Child parts 1 and 2 on Saturday then spending Sunday and Monday with my family, so that should be good (I’m just probably going to get very little sleep Friday night since our flight leaves at 5:50 am). But yeah, should be good, and that’s it for now, it’s almost 1:30 am so it’s definitely time for bed. Goodnight loves. Happy Friday.

[s3venpounds]

1-59

yo

1. selfie (no can do, i honestly am too lazy and i have no clue how to add photos into these lel)

2. what would you name your future kids? Skylark, Silver, Thorn, Pas

3. do you miss anyone? yes

4. what are you looking forward to? waking up to a S.O that loves me, a house that we both love, a job I love, income I can live off comfortably, and the only source of stress I have is if something isnt routine

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? @artbeetle hands down

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? yeah

7. what was your life like last year? happier

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? nope

9. who did you last see in person? Aleksi

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? nope. I’m an open book.

11. are you listening to music right now? yeah, the beauty and the beast soundtrack Evermore lol

12. what is something you want right now? a million dollars would be nice

13. how do you feel right now? groggy and i have a stomach ache from last night so not feeling 100% right now

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? a long time now that i think about it. i guess thats my fault since i’ve been avoiding hugs because i’m still worried people think of me as the “wheres my hug?” guy from middle school lol

15. personality description: a steaming pile of bile tbh. loud when I’m trying too hard to be friends with you, cuss like a trucker, quiet when youre in the innermost circle of friends. i make a lot of jokes that cross lines and unless someones seriously offended and says something I don’t stop.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? yes

17. opinion on insecurities. go ahead and have them, just don’t let them become permanent. you only have so much time in this world and youre going spend it worrying about other people who will forget everything in like 10 years max? like no one really cares if you tripped on nothing that one time. sure they’ll laugh but realistically theyll laugh for about 15 minutes then forget it completely by the next 3 days.

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago? yeah

19. have you ever been to New York? nope. dont plan to.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? Lie To Me George Nozuka

21. age and birthday? 21, may 17

22. description of crush. she’s reliable, comforting, pleasant to be with, gives off an air of happiness and contentment, easy on the eyes and knows how to keep the flow of conversations or mood going. She can be spontaneous or mysterious when she wants to. She warms my heart with her smile and I will never forget the little thing her cheeks do when she does smile.  

23. fear(s) death. thats it. 

24. height 5 foot 6 i think. i may have grown to 5 foot 7 haven’t measured in a while. wish i grew more tho

25. role model my friend William lol he is goals.

26. idol(s) I don’t really keep track of any celebrities so none really.

27. things i hate. 3 people i hate specifically, uhhhh break ups, my dad, some “friends”, when apologies arent enough( otherwise whats the point of having the word exist), when I take a joke too far and it hurts a relationship I like, when i stub my toes or bang my fingers on something, when friends snapchat me of a hangout I wasn’t invited or even told about when the whole group is there, when people are at a dance and everyone forms that dance circle for random people to go in and dance their heart out then someone busts out breakdancing in a crowd thats literally the worst group of dancers( like seriously i dare you to watch that shit. unless someone has some serious balls no one will go in the circle after that for a whole 5-10 minutes because no one can follow that up. like thats fine if youre in a group of other really good dancers or break dancers but like come on man. thats like having a seasoned and grown ass michael jordan in your middle school basketball game. )

28. i’ll love you if… you make me a handmade gift, you tell me you were thinking of me, you give me a lot of attention lol, you share your food with me, you try some of my favourite games or watch my favourite animes with me, we end up saying the same shit at the same time, do crazy shit with me, ride rollercoasters with me, if youre cold or something and you need to borrow my jacket or sweater i will gladly lend it to you unless its like - 30 then we share lol, if you rant to me or vent to me. if you keep the conversation going unless you know im in a bad mood or something serious happened

29. favourite film(s) Treasure planet. thats it. 

30. favourite tv show(s) Spider riders? di gata defenders, samurai jack, martin mystery, totally spies, jacob two two, team galaxy, ben 10 ( only up to ultimate alien and alien force, the rest sucked), code lyoko, master chef, chopped, medabots, gundam seed, the weekenders, code name kids next door, uhh theres probably like 30 other ones but nothing else i can remember off the top of my head.

31. 3 random facts I have a bottle of taro flavoured gin sitting beside my desk, I have reading glasses, I like the feeling of cleaning my ears with cotton swabs

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? guys. although in highschool it was girls

33. something you want to learn? the italian, korean, and japanese language. maybe russian. I want to learn how to juggle and do card tricks, I want to learn everything about my friends, I want to learn how to profile someone and deduce things sherlock style. I also want to learn more about volleyball tbh

34. most embarrassing moment. I pooped my pants while at a friends 6th birthday and my brother had to help me

35. favourite subject. English. I like poetry the most

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? To be in a rowboat in Venice Italy with my significant other under the moonlight and right as we’re about to kiss, fireworks go off in the distance. to be a world renowned psychologist/psychiatrist but working in my old high school trying to help people who are bound to do the same dumb ass shit I did. to wini the lottery or just raise enough money off a really good paying job i like to send my parents back home to philippines like they dreamed. 

37. favourite actor/actress. Mary Elizabeth Winstead or Ellen Page

38. favourite comedian(s) Gabriel iglesias, christopher titus, bo burnham

39. favourite sport(s) volleyball, i dont play many others

40. favourite memory: that one day at cap ex. “ what about this ship?” “ well, we’ll see where it takes us”

41. relationship status pringle.

42. favourite book(s) perks of being a wallflower, eleanor and park, Somebody up there hates you, nick and norah’s infinite playlist, an abundance of katherines

43. favourite song ever Pocket full of dreams by hedley

44. age you get mistaken for: no one guesses my age

45. how you found out about your idol: i met him lol hes my friend’s boyfriend

46. what my last text message says “ like I don’t want to get out of bed”

47. turn ons:  Short hair, freckles, dimples, tits that fit perfectly in my hand or bigger is cool too, into kinky shit, still makes jokes even in sex( not all the time though), likes passionate aggressive sex, tom boyish, asian, very physically touchy/clingy, smells nice, soft skin, tongue when kissing, knows how to dirty talk or sound seductive.

48. turn offs: smells bad(breath or body odor), those dirty white people dreadlocks, being like professional body builder ripped levels, and sure fuck it I’ll say it; being extremely overweight. 

49. where i want to be right now, Venice Italy

50. favourite picture of your idol again, can’t do photos. too dumb

51. starsign Taurus

52. something i’m talented at , guessing a pokemon after hearing its cry only applicable to the first 2-3 generations

53. 5 things that make me happy. friends, food, sleep, money, video games

54. something thats worrying me at the moment. my future and how dark it is

55. tumblr friends I dont have many and the ones i do have i don’t know if i should tag on here

56. favourite food(s) bbq ribs, pulled pork, pizza, bimbimbap, filipino bbq skewers, tosino, lechon kawale, lechon adobo, insemada(not sure how to spell that), pasta, and curry

57. favourite animal(s) cats

58. description of my best friend, hes asian

59. why i joined tumblr, my friend kept using inside jokes and memes from tumblr so i got curious