#old school Cartman

[meegan420]

Old School Cartman South Park/South Paws 🐾

[fruityatty]

pokemon x south park sketches

[green-alien-turdz]

do u have any hcs for what the m4 would look like in middle school? 👀👀👀

The same, just with that awful middle school flare.

Headcanon time tho bcuz I'm insane n need to explain the shit happenin here (tw for sh n sewerslide attempts. but if you follow my bs this is nothin new)

Cartman: Bro was at PEAK loudmouth n fuck everyone shit, but at this point all mfs were pretty sick of it n he got into fights on the daily. Not to say he wasn't askin for it, he actually got a big kick outta pissin people off (nothin new as we know). He was pretty much doin this bcuz he didn't really care n couldn't process a lot of shit he was feelin so he would just take it out on everyone else.

Kenny: Overworked, stressed, n not fuckin blessed. If he wasn't at school, he'd be at city wok, which he was grateful for the cash, but it took a toll on him n his schooling. He was just tryin to take care of him n Karen as he watched Kevin just get worse n worse with the people he was hangin around. Conflict at home had him stressin big time. Catch them z's whenever the fuck he could.

Kyle: Bro almost never changes appearance wise due to insecurities. The scratches on his face are from a meltdown he had where he lost complete control of his actions n started hittin n clawin at himself (managed to convince his parents it happened in his sleep bcuz no one was home when the breakdown happened). This was a rather common thing to happen, seein as normal teenage horomones, mental illness, n eds are like the worst fuckin combo.

Stan: Legit the worst time of his life, both home n mentally. Around this time where he'd get super drunk n high to try n numb out everythin, but that would only start more shit of course. He felt completely caged in n stuck in life n in this cycle of bs. One night he spiraled pretty hard n impulsively tried to hang himself with an old belt. He pretty quickly freaked out n managed to get somethin under him so he could get back out. Uhh n misc. red hair bcuz he had started dyin his hair lots of colours (but usually red) for Crimson Dawn around this time.

[kobebibebi]

well school has seriously taken over my life even if i want to draw so badly rn

so here's a very old idea i had for an au that I didn't get to finish (based off spookyfish) it does kinda suck LMAO it's very unserious

the gist was just basically like invert their every trait as best as i can

honestly i just took those traits from the south park fan wiki,, because im not that literate in words lolol

a huge inspiration/motivation (w spite) i have for this is the mirrorverse au but it just didn't align with me right how in mirrorverse it's JUST THE MORALS that are inverted and basically everything was the same,, there aren't much fanworks I've seen that actually try to make them the polar opposite instead of just south park but evil™ (isn't that just south park??)

and yk how the main 4 look like average kids, so i made them look not your typical ten year olds and personality wise they hate toilet humor

(also now that i realize i just made stan and kyle have fanon cartman traits/fashion skdhjd)

[buttl0rd]

I'm watching like a hawk for that new kid 🤲 THE BABY

ALRIGHT HERE HE IS!! lemme introduce you to the new kid 👉👉

this is carroway - he's the best 😎👽

this is gonna be a long post cause i have so much art and content to gush about. i love this kid 👇

Some fun character details:

he was originally supposed to be like the 90's movie tough bully kid but he's ended up just being a stupid asshole. he probably likes to think he's really cool and tough 💪

has 3 younger sisters, hates being outnumbered by girls

huge foodie and finishes whatever you don't eat. not fussy at all

always leaving his mittens outside. they get all wet and gross in the snow

affectionately ripping on everyone he loves. he's a total asshole but most people know he doesn't mean half the shit he says. the real ones tolerate him 😔🤙

he doesn’t know he’s bisexual (don’t tell him, he’ll find out on his own)

Hobbies & Interests

Aliens. Carroway is a firm believer in alien life and has an immense interest in UFO sightings, alien communication and all things outer-space. He often brags to his classmates that he has been abducted and probed, and is friends with the Martians that visit South Park sometimes (do any of them believe him?). He has a telescope that he set up in his friend Dante’s treehouse which he uses to spot UFOs in the night.

FUN FACT: His probe is linked with Cartman's. It's the connection that makes it possible for OCs to exist in the same universe as canon characters.

Drums. He has a drum set in his garage on which he practices every day after school. He has exceptional rhythm and is very talented. He keeps drumsticks in his backpack just in case he encounters a drumset or anything he can make a beat with (tables, benches, trashcans, etc.) Neighbors complain to his parents about the noise, so his garage is sound-proofed to the best of Mr. Carroway’s ability. 

Snowboarding. Carroway goes snowboarding every few weeks. His family do snowboarding trips and he LOVES it. He also skateboards and rides his bike when he’s not up in the mountains, kid just likes to go fast. He dreams of being a professional snowboarder when he’s older.

TFBW: Boarderline

Boarder is a special flying support unit, part of Coon & Friends. He delivers high-impact quick attacks with his hoverboard and can heal/cure status conditions with his awesome space beams. As a speedster he utilizes the whole battlefield and is constantly moving, making him difficult to hit.

Origins:

He was a human that got abducted and genetically modified by Martians to serve and protect the alien race. After battling in many galactic wars he returned to his home in Colorado. His abilities were noticed by the superhero organization, Coon & Friends and Boarder was recruited to join their alliance. He provides support to Coon & Friends in battle.

Design:

Inspired by the gear he wears when he goes snowboarding.

His superhero costume consists of a white bodysuit with black tape accents and a big old metal zip. There's reflective blue strips on the gloves, boots and around the edge of his signature spaceboard. He's got these iconic space goggles that protect his face when he’s flying at the speed of light.

His name is a play on words - board (from his hoverboard) and borderline (being only just good enough for Coon & Friends). Allies call him Boarder for short.

SOT: Skullrogue

Skullrogue is Carroway’s Stick of Truth character.

He is a rogue-class unit and is quick and sneaky on the battlefield. He has a long black hooded cloak and a skull mask. His main weapon is a pair of daggers that are enchanted with flame magic. He cannot use magic himself but he is proficient with weapons, especially the daggers. He throws them and uses them to stab enemies in the back.

Skullrogue has an undisclosed edgy backstory, like any rogue player. He is mysterious and broody and so cool. He is loyal to the Wizard King and thinks Princess Kenny is hot.

Post-COVID

As a young adult, Carroway becomes a professional snowboarder and competes nationally in competitions. He becomes famous and earns a lot of money from his career, travelling the world for competitions. He makes it all the way to the Winter Olympics, representing the USA in the snowboarding category

After a career-ending injury in his mid-30's, he had to retire from snowboarding early and now lives off his sponsors and used-to-be-a-big-shot money. Despite being wealthy, he moved back to South Park and lives in a trailer (it’s easier than having a huge house). 

He sometimes needs a walking aid to get around and is medicated for chronic back pain.

He was too busy with his career to find love when he was younger, so he stays single and lonely in his 40s. He still goes out and does sport events, commentaries and sponsorships - he remains famous even though he cannot compete anymore. He’s like a living legend in the winter sports community. 

I'm still working on a PCOV design for him so stay tuned for that...

Anyway that's it for now!! I hope you love him 😘

[halliestinks]

Hi, i was wondering if you could do some wholesome headcannons for Y/N (who acts like Douchebag in the sot game) Thats like a sister to Cartman. His mother adores her and he likes to bully her. But when others do it hes like "No only i can >:/"

Cartman w/ reader who’s like a sister to him

a/n: this is an old request that’s been sitting in my inbox for over 2 yrs, decided to write it as my first request since i’ve returned :3

��� oh boy, cartman as a brother figure could be both great and awful.

• having first met you he would notice how quiet and chill you are, trying to get you to crack on many different occasions (failing miserably everytime). he never really cared too much about you. however once you started to spend more time with him and you found yourself at his house quite often, you developed an unexpected sibling bond with him

• he would definitely take advantage of your silence whenever he asks for a favour, immediately roping you into any and all of his problems. (kind of like butters— however he doesn’t screw you over as much)

• the teasing is the worst part. he knows exactly what ticks you off and how to break your silent facade

“HAHAHA YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACE!!”

“… 🙂”

• he knows when to stop though

• he unfortunately learnt his lesson after you beat the crap out of him for pushing you way past your limit!! (i just love sibling bonding experiences)

• aside from all of that… cartman is actually really fun to be around when he’s not being an asshole. the two of you usually spend your time together playing video games and doing random shit outside in the snow

• his mom absolutely adores you!!! she would constantly ask cartman if you would be coming over to their place later, always making sure to cook extra for dinner just in case

• cartman definitely gets jealous over his mom pampering you, thinks that she should pay more attention to her real son. and to piss him off even more, his mom always makes sure he shares everything with you

“but myeeeem… those are my cheesy poofs 🤬”

“😈😈”

• cartman’s mom is completely oblivious to any of the sibling rivalry, instead tells cartman he just needs to learn to share

• both of you have a silent agreement to always stick up for each other if either of you are being bullied, (not that cartman really needs help)

• i don’t think cartman would straight up defend you, however he would take your side in more subtle ways

“come on guys, let’s cut y/n some slack… otherwise she’ll get all depressed and probably start crying..”

“😐”

• but if anyone ever hurt you physically or did bully you to the point of actually hurting you, cartman will find out and go on a tangent about how he’s the only person who’s allowed to do that. plus if he’s in a bad mood then he’d probably figure out a way to ruin their life

• anyways.. at the end of most days, you find yourself sleeping on the floor in cartman’s room (he kicks you off his bed) and the two of you stay up late having silly conversations— finding yourselves laughing so hard to the point of tears

• until his mom comes in and tells you to go to bed because it’s a school night 🙄

• the two of you never listen, secretly doing an all nighter then feeling like absolute crap the next day. (it’s just a nightly tradition at this point)

• a lot of kids at school mistake you two for actually being related, which never fails to make you smile

• maybe he isn’t such a bad non biological brother after all

[yoyomomiko]

[ONE] — Ghosts = $$$

☆ `` SPECTRAL SCAMMERS ``

☆ — summary: when cartman comes up with yet another 'get rich quick' scheme, he forces his friends, and you, into starting a ghost hunting service. armed with a mix of makeshift equipment, a questionable van and no actual skills, you begin taking jobs to "exorcise" haunted houses.

warnings: strong language, cartman being cartman.

(a/n): first chapter is out and honestly I don't really know where this is going!! also, I'm extremely sorry for the short length of this chapter :< --- usually, first chapters are always shorter! i'll try my best to make the other chapters longer :)

wc: 1932

★ m.list

★ series m.list

[NEXT] ->

The cafeteria was a chaotic mess as always. Muffled chatter, students fighting, and the occasional shout from the lunch staff scolding some kid for trying to sneak an extra carton of milk. You sat at the usual table in the far corner, picking at your food. Across from you, Stan and Kyle were arguing about some documentary they watched in History, while Clyde was halfway through his second slice of pizza.

"Alright, assholes, listen up!" Cartman's voice cut through the arguing boys. He slammed his tray onto the table for everyone's attention, the loud sound making Tweek flinch so hard he almost spilled his coffee.

"Oh, great, what now?" Stan groaned, leaning back in his chair.

"You're gonna thank me later, Stan." Cartman cleared his throat, glancing at everyone sitting at the table. "Because I just came up with the best idea of my life. No, of your lives, too, because you're all gonna be a part of it."

Kyle raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Let me guess, some new way to scam people out of their money?"

"Yeah, Kyle, because having ambition is such a crime." Cartman shot back, rolling his eyes dramatically. "But no, this isn't just a scam. It's a business opportunity. A gold mine. And all you losers have to do is stop being such whiny little bitches and listen to me for five seconds."

"Dude, just get to the point." Stan muttered, his hands resting on top of the table as his brows furrowed together.

Cartman smirked, leaning forward on the table as if he was about to deliver a secret. "Ghost hunting."

There was a moment of silence, broken only by the distant crash of a tray hitting the floor somewhere across the cafeteria.

"Ghost hunting?" Clyde repeated with a mouthful of pizza.

"Yes, Clyde, try to keep up." Cartman snapped. "Think about it. Those dumbass ghost hunting shows on TV. People eat that crap up! We can charge idiots in this town hundreds of dollars to 'investigate' their haunted houses and get rid of their spooky little Casper problems!"

Kyle shook his head with a sigh. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Even for you, Cartman."

"It's not stupid!" Cartman shot back, slamming his fist on the table hard enough to make Tweek jump again.

"People are stupid, Kyle. They'll pay us to run around their creepy old houses with flashlights, pretending to find ghosts! And if there's no ghost? We'll just make one! Bang on some walls, throw some stuff around... Boom, paranormal activity."

"That's literally fraud." You pointed out, resting your chin on your hand. "You realize that, right?"

Cartman waved you off as if you mentioned something as unimportant as the weather. "Pfft, no one's gonna care. We'll make them sign waivers. Legal waivers make everything legit!"

Stan exchanged a doubtful look with you, then glanced back at Cartman. "This sounds like the kind of thing that gets us arrested. Or worse, sued."

"Oh my God, you guys are so dramatic." Cartman groaned, throwing his hands in the air. "Look, do you want to spend the rest of high school broke and boring, or do you wanna be rich and badass?"

"Rich and badass does sound kinda nice..." Clyde admitted, earning a glare from Kyle.

"Clyde, seriously?"

"What? I need the money! My dad cut my allowance because I spent it all on skins in Fortnite."

"I can't believe I'm surrounded by morons." Kyle buried his face in his hands.

"Ghosts aren't even real!" Tweek blurted, his hands shaking as he gripped his cup. "What if we mess with something we don't understand? What if we summon a demon or-"

"Tweek, for the love of God." Craig interrupted, his voice flat and bored. "You're not summoning anything. It's fake."

Tweek's eyes darted to Craig, then back to Cartman. "B-But even if it's fake, what if- what if people find out?! What if we get exposed or something?!"

"Tweek, no one cares about your paranoia." Cartman rolled his eyes. "Besides, it's not like we're actually gonna run into any ghosts. We're just taking money from idiots who think their houses are haunted because their furniture makes weird noise."

"I dunno, dude." Kenny finally spoke up, voice muffled by his hood. "What's the cut? Like, how much are we each getting?"

"Ah! The voice of reason! Don't worry Kenny. We'll split it... Fairly."

"Fairly?" Kyle immediately narrowed his eyes. "That means you're going to take the biggest cut, doesn't it?"

"Uh, duh, because it's my idea." Cartman shot back. "But you'll still get plenty. Enough to buy whatever poor people stuff you need, Kenny."

"Works for me, I'm in." Kenny shrugged.

"Dude!" Kyle exclaimed, looking betrayed.

"What? I need money!"

You sighed, glancing around the table. "So let me get this straight." You started, mentally preparing yourself. "You want us to break into random people's houses, pretend to find ghosts, and charge them a fortune for it? Do you even have a plan for how this is supposed to work?"

"Of course I have a plan!" Cartman replied, puffing out his chest. "Step one, we make a website and some fake business cards. Step two, we spread the word around town. Step three, profit."

"That's not a plan." Stan muttered, leaning back in his chair again.

"It's a great plan." Cartman's brows furrowed together. "And you know what? If you don't want in, fine. But when I'm rolling in cash and you're stuck eating this nasty ass lunch food, don't come crying to me."

Stan groaned, rubbing his temples. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but fine. I'm in. Only to make sure you don't burn someone's house down."

Kyle threw his hands up with a groan and a roll of his eyes. "Oh my God. You're all insane."

"Come on, Kyle." You smirked, nudging him with your elbow. "It could be... Interesting."

Kyle stared at you as if you just suggested jumping off a bridge. But after a moment, he sighed heavily. "Fine. But if this ends in a disaster, I'm blaming all of you."

"Perfect!" Cartman grinned, looking around at his newly recruited 'team'.

"Welcome to the South Park Paranormal Crew, bitches. First job is tomorrow night. Bring flashlights and maybe some fake blood."

Craig glared at Cartman. "Tweek and I never said we were joining."

"I don't care about you losers, go sit on a dick or something." Cartman shot back.

Craig's eyes narrowed, his piercing gaze burning holes through Cartman. "You know what? I'm in, fatass." He spoke through gritted teeth, to which Cartman smirked.

"I-I guess I'm in too." Tweek stammered, his hands shaking uncontrollably.

"Amazing! What do you guys say we have a meeting at my house this night to prepare for tomorrow?" Cartman held a smug and confident look.

"Do we have a choice?" You sighed, already tired of this.

"No. Eight o'clock sharp!" He declared. "Don't forget that, fuckers!"

.

.

.

.

Later that night, the group crowded into Cartman's basement. The space was a mess, an old couch shoved against one wall, half empty soda cans all over a coffee table, and a mysterious stain on the carpet that no one wanted to investigate. You sat quietly between Kyle and Craig, who were both visibly annoyed.

Cartman stood at the front, a whiteboard behind him covered in messy scrambles of ideas that looked more like the ramblings of a lunatic than a business plan. He held a marker in his hands, which he twirled dramatically before slamming it against the board.

"Alright, assholes." He began, pacing in front of the group. "Step one of becoming the greatest ghost hunters South Park has ever seen: branding. We need a website, a killer name and a look that screams 'these guys are legit'."

Stan rolled his eyes from his spot on the couch. "It's hard to scream 'legit' when you're using your mom's basement as headquarters."

"Shut up, Stan!" Cartman snapped. "Do you have a basement we can use? No? Then sit your ass down and let the professionals handle this."

Craig crossed his arms, leaning a bit closer to you, his knee brushing yours. "You don't even know how to make a website, do you?"

"Of course I do!" Cartman lied, puffing out his chest. "It's easy. You just... Click some buttons and stuff. Besides, we have Kyle for that."

Kyle straightened, glaring at Cartman. "Excuse me? Since when did I agree to be your tech support?"

"Since you're the only one here who isn't a complete moron when it comes to computers!" Cartman replied, his tone annoyingly smug.

"Watch it fatass!" Stan snapped as Craig snickered.

Kyle opened his mouth to argue but stopped when you nudged him gently. "You might as well just do it." You whispered. "The sooner we get this over with, the better."

Kyle sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Fine, but I'm not doing this for free."

"Whatever, Jew." Cartman turned back to the whiteboard. "Now, let's talk names. We need something catchy. Something cool."

"How about we call ourselves 'Paranormal Posers'?" Craig deadpanned, earning a laugh from Kenny.

"I've got it!" Clyde exclaimed, clearly excited. "What about 'The Phantom Chasers'?"

"Lame." Cartman dismissed immediately, crossing it off the list. "We need something badass like 'South Park Paranormal Commandos'."

"Or we could just call it what it is." Stan muttered. "'Cartman's Latest Scam'."

"Do you want to get sued, Stan?" Cartman shot back. "No one's putting my name on this thing."

After another twenty minutes of ridiculous suggestions, and several rounds of arguing, you all finally settled on a name. Specter Squad.

"Simple, memorable, and cool as hell." Cartman declared, underlining it three times on the board.

.

.

While Cartman and the others brainstormed more ways to make themselves seem legit, Kyle sat at Cartman's ancient desktop computer, typing at it furiously.

The homepage was basic but effective.

A bold header reading "SPECTER SQUAD: South Park's Premier Ghost Hunting Team" in glowing green text, complete with a stock image of a haunted house in the background.

"This looks so fake." Kyle muttered to himself, shaking his head as he uploaded a photo of the group. It was a hurriedly taken selfie from earlier that night, with Cartman front and center, beaming like an idiot, while everyone else looked irritated.

"Fake is fine." Cartman said, leaning over Kyle's shoulder. "People don't care about professional. They care about scary. Make it spooky."

"Spooky costs extra." Kyle shot back.

The rest of the group gathered around as Kyle added more details to the site.

Services

- Full Paranormal Investigation

- Ghost Removal

- Cleansing Rituals

Reviews

Janet H. - "Specter Squad saved my family from a scary ghost! Worth every penny!"

Sal F. - "I thought my apartment was haunted and they proved me right. Highly recommend!"

"Who t-the hell is 'Janet H.'?" Tweek asked, pointing to one of the reviews.

"Some lady I made up." Cartman replied, completely unfazed.

.

.

With the website finished, you all moved on to advertising. Clyde and Kenny volunteered to print out flyers, which they plastered all over the school the next day. On lockers, bulletin boards, and even the bathroom stalls.

Cartman, meanwhile, moved to social media, creating an Instagram page and spamming hashtags like #HauntedSouthPark and #GhostBeware.

"You think anyone's actually going to believe this?" Craig asked as everyone watched Cartman upload a blurry photos of an attic claiming it was 'evidence' from a recent investigation.

"Of course they will." Cartman replied confidently. "People are dumb. Trust me, by this time tomorrow we'll have our first client."

★yoyomiko ★miko

[suprsingr]

the thing about kyman that I don't think people understand is that if cartman one day just said Fuck it and told kyle he authentically for real and for true is in love with him, kyle might think he's full of shit at first, but as soon as he realized it wasn't fake he'd be like "aw :( that's so nice and so fucking sad and pathetic. y'know what? I'm gonna date you and get you into therapy and on medication and motivate you to do well in school and become a decent person and then as soon as that's done and I know you're emotionally regulated enough to handle it I'm gonna find you a partner who can actually love you back and finally get to move on with my life knowing that I made the world a better place."

and he would just keep telling himself that. they'd get married and have kids and on their thirtieth wedding anniversary toasting their eternal love in a luxury hotel room they just fucked nasty in for twenty whole old man minutes he'd still at the back of his head be like "I'm doing a very good deed by humoring him like this" and never see anything wrong with... any of that. and that's kyman

[pineappleciders]

Yoo hoo !! I’d like to request Butters, Craig, Wendy, and/or Tweek with a reader who is their older sibling. The reader is in their late teens & has the sarcastic older sibling thing going on, like the same vibes as Rodrick Heffley, Kat Stratford, or Daria. Thank you ^^

butters, craig, wendy, and tweek with a stereotypical older sibling reader

A/N: i'm the youngest out of 4 and my brother was very rodrick coded so this is based off that also i love this gif

butters stotch

honestly being raised by the same parents it's a miracle you didn't turn out exactly like him LMFAO

he is constantly getting noogies from you and whenever you high-five or pat his back you do it way too hard and he goes "owie" and then giggles. or cries idk

if you drive him around or pick him up from school he's always asking if you can stop at mcdonald's and gets all sheepish when you deadpan at him

looooves piggy back rides. put him on your shoulders or back and like pretend you're an airplane and he loves it. and then like throw him onto the bed and he gets all giddy and tells you to do it again

he's always knocking on your door and asking you to play or draw with him. he gets sad if you ignore him or tell him to go away

always dragging you into his games!!!!! like you don't want to but he does puppy eyes to get u to roleplay as professor chaos' enemy (or sidekick!) and if he makes you play with the rest of the kids too they all cry super hard when you destroy them😭����(esp cartman)

he would forever think ur awesome if you got payback on cartman for him. like idk beat eric up or threaten him and butters thinks you're the coolest person in the world

craig tucker

lots of middle fingers. lots of them

when he flips you off you tug his middle finger up and slam it under his nose (like the 'you have something on your shirt' thing but with his middle finger LOL) and he gets all pissy after

you had to put a 'fuck off' sign on your door to get him to stop annoying you whenever he's bored. you two are always competing for your parents to take your side

you love to tease him about tweek. like you twirl your hair and giggle and kick your feet on his bed talking about how he's finally getting bitches while he's trying to do homework

you keep hiding his hats but somehow he always has another. he's like charlie brown but with blue chullo hats

lots of punching. you punch his arm all the time or swat his head and at first he retaliates but then you hit him even harder and he stops (albeit angrily)

trolls you all the time by messing up your room and fucking idk. he seems like the type of dude to set up a treasure hunt to find like your phone he hid or something LOL he sets up riddles and everything

you beat him up for it

calls you emo when you go through a phase and bullies you for it. you call him a homo and he shuts up

wendy testaburger

you're always ruffling her hair and flicking her forehead. like just in normal conversation it's a habit to flick her head or nose to emphasize a point

she definitely comes to you a lot about her problems, like socially and stuff. always ranting to you about stan in your bed and you're just praying that she shuts the fuck up

you have helped her with a lot of her issues though!!!!! like it's reluctant but you give her a lot of good advice about boys and friendships. even if you gag whenever she brings up her boyfriend

i imagine you listening to like. hard rock or metal when you're going through an edgy phase and wendy either makes fun of you for it or comes into your room and starts headbanging with you. probably both

always wants you to play games and do stuff with her. like she gets barbie and the twelve dancing princesses and is scratching and begging at your door for you to try it with her

and she LOVES just dance. you're like flopped on the couch out of breath because you're old as shit and she's like happily dancing away without breaking a sweat

if you're a girl, she's always making you sleep in her room and do skincare and girl stuff. she calls it 'girls night'. if you aren't a girl she still does it but she doesn't call it that LOL. makes fun of you if you don't want to do it because it's 'for girls'

tweek tweak

if you hit him he hits you back. hit him harder he hits you harder. he gets his ass beat but he is determined not to go down without a fight!!!!

when you work the same shift at tweek bros you're constantly slacking off and blackmailing him into doing all the work and not telling ur parents LMFAO. it annoys him so much

you spook him with like scary stories and stuff because you know he freaks out over it. and you regret it when he comes into your room at 2 am with a blanket asking to sleep in your bed tonight

he tells all his friends how you 'torture and bully him' and how much he hates your guts. but he really can't deny that he appreciates you when you're helping him with a panic attack

asks you how to be cool. you tell him you were just born that way and that he'd never be as cool and awesome as you are. he got sad

he isn't the type of sibling to tattle to your parents, but he will if he's trying to blackmail you or get you to do something for him. and he gets all smug about it too

tease him about craig and he gets super defensive. you pick him up by his collar like a kitten and he flails around all angry. it's hilarious but he forever holds u to a grudge for it

[thelovelybitten]

no bc why am I crying now

SAW YOUR OFFER TO WRITE ANYTHING SP RELATED AND INTERNALLY SQUEALED. Au of college age stendy in a long distance relationship? Maybe more specifically… she’s at a prestigious school in the east coast (obv the valedictorian of sp high) and pursuing a big finance job in the city , and he is still tryna find himself- in the military and in odd jobs around the country. still, they have reunions at the airport and spend time together whenever they can :)

First of all, AWWW HHSGGDFSH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH AND I LOVE STENDY RAHHHHH. YES YES I WOULD LOVE TO DO THIS HERE WE GO.

COLLEGE AGE STENDY IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

-Stan will sometimes imagine what Wendy’s doing currently + imagine what life would be like if he had been able to attend the same school as she had

-Wendy makes an effort to meet up with stan for the holidays, and her presence alone always manages to cheer him up since he’s currently in a tough spot

-In addition to the last hc, whenever the two do meet up for the holidays, Wendy always gifts Stan a really fancy souvenir from around the area she’s staying at, one example was when she bought him this super expensive leather watch which he never took off after receiving it

-Stan doesn’t take too much time off of work leading up to the holidays so that he can earn enough to buy something considerate for Wendy when she comes to visit

-In one of her college lectures, Wendy was taught about the importance of written letters in the past and how lovers would communicate with this method during war time and or when they were away from one another and Wendy got really fascinated with inspired by this idea and started sending out hand written letters to Stan (she still texts him as well for convenience sake)

-Stan keeps all of Wendy’s letters, and keeps them in a box he saved from childhood which he now dedicated to those letters, and carries them with him wherever he goes so he can read them whenever he’s feels helpless and or out of luck (which is often)

THEY ARE SO CUTE. HELLO??!!!! Writing these was genuinely healing for me i am such a big Stendy truther for real man like wow. They are so real together and just mwah <3 i hope you enjoyed these as much as i enjoyed writing them.

[lovelykil]

─Headcanons─

kyle x reader older ver.

hc; random nsfw hcs

cw; nsfw

note; I'm back sorta I haven't been writing cause of school 😒 plus no motivation anyway 💁🏾‍♀️⤵

black reader implied (≧◡≦)

noww truth be told that there was this ONE time

heavy on the ONE

one time kyle actually was a little frisky and a horny shit at a sleepover.

WHAATT? The awkward dork who gets nervous from hand holding?

Yeah, okay. But it was only that ONE time.

Maybe something was just in the air or he drank something ordinary, not sure but the guys were all deep asleep on the ground, well hopefully.

Kenny resting on Cartman's stomach, his arms spiraled outward and legs while Cartman himself furrowed his eyebrow in his sleep from the light weight on his body.

Stan comfortably in his own spot, resting on his side as drool fell from his mouth.

Kyle looking up at the ceiling wide eyed and in a sweat with a slow growing erection on his bed next to you.

And you, on your side probably half asleep or about to actually fall asleep.

Kyle would look over at you, your curly hair out of its cap from forgetting it back at your house when you were packing a bag for the sleepover.

He saw your shoulders rise and fall slowly contemplating whether he should really bother you this late, well he didn't exactly know what time it was but he assumed it was late as fuck considering everyone was pretty much knocked out.

The more he stared at your shoulders the more his eyes just wandered down to your back and bottom, you were wearing an old shirt of his, might I say a big one.

All his shirts are big on you though, mf is tall asf ugh

Your legs were covered by the blanket but your ass wasn't.

And ohh my god surprise surprise, no shorts.

Who wears shorts with long t shirts anyway

I'm jk but you did take them off like right before crashing it was just hot in Kyle's room for some reason at that time.

His perverted gaze fell right on your slightly showing underwear.

he wanted so bad to touch you right now, his dick throbbed inside his boxers. He looked away trying to fight the urge. He was so horny right now for no reason it kinda pissed him off lmao.

He rarely ever does get like this, and at such a worst timing.. his friends?? omg

he bit his lip, his mind racing.

The ginger sat up to take a look at his friends, checking if the coast was clear. it was. Not a moving body in sight.. just sometimes obnoxiously loud ass snores from Cartman.

He laid back down with a sigh and let his urges take over after a little hesitation.

You let out a little yawn moving your legs ontop of the other in sleep so your bottom was basically there for easy grab.

Kyle had scooted close to you, his hand slowly running down your arm then rubbed your thigh. You shifted in sleep some bit from the touch, backing up into him.

Your butt rubbed against his boner, he grunted to this, sucking in his lip.

"Hey y/n.." seconds later from what you on did accident, he whispered.

You didn't respond, you were slowly getting sucked into dream land.

His arm sneaked toward your stomach he slowly pulled you closer to him, lining up his member with your clothed woman hood.

"baby.." he pleaded in a soft manner into your ear that just made you alert, someone was trying to wake you up.

You hummed a response, your eyes opening slowly now.

"mmh.. kyle?"

"yeah it's me sweetheart." He nudged his head into the back of yours causing faint tired smile to grow on your face.

"what's up.. mmh..?" Kyle fell silent, resting his chin on your head. He pondering for a moment then spoke.

"are you awake..?"

"...nah.. I'm sleepin."

"really?"

"...no kyle what you want?" you muttered, coming off a little annoyed from his question. I mean you were like half awake half not not his fault he didn't know 🙁

"sorry I'm just a little.. uhm.." He faltered again. You waited for his next word, trying not to fall asleep.

"You're what? Hungry, thirs–"

"Horny, I'm very horny right.. now baby.." a low whiney confessing slipped through his lips and into your ear. You felt something poke you from behind right after he admitted.

Your eyes open some more a little stunned, you were still tired but now much more aware of what was happening.

"The guys are down there kyle.."

"I know I know but.. fuck." He breathed, his warm breath was felt on your neck sending a shiver down your spine. Your stomach tingled when his hand reached your underwear, rubbing your pussy slowly.

"Can I baby? Will you let me?" kyle begged, softly now closer as ever.

You could just feel the warmth between you two it was making you hot..

You moaned softly as his fingers gently graced your cunt.

You didn't exactly know what to say I mean the thought of doing something like this right when his friends are in the room was kinda bizarre.. then again you weren't not.. not into this..

"mmm.. y-yeah go ahead.." You consented, giving him the green light to fulfill his urges. He smiled, kissed your cheek then brought his fingers to his mouth.

"Try to stay quiet, can you do that for me hmm?" He licked his middle and ring finger and began to go beneath your panties to rub your now wet temple.

You nodded your head with no words said, trying not to moan so much just control your breathing.

"Good job y/n." He kissed your neck ending his sentence with a smile, his fingers sliding themselves against your cunt some more. You sucked in your lips and felt your pussy begin to throb, wanting more.

He teased, rubbing your clit with a little snicker when you started to shift around, your breathing growing heavy.

"You want more baby? Tell me you do." His annoying teasing started to make you a little out of control and wanting to beg him to stop.

You weren't one to beg but shit..

"ah..mm.. kyle please.. I want more..." you trying to keep your volume down while being played with made that boner of his just grow some more into you.

"Mmmh okay since you sounded so pretty." He soon stuck his long pale fingers inside your slippery pussy. You gasped from the contact of his digits.

You always forget how fucking long they were.

"o-oh fuck.."

"You like that don't you? want me to fuck you with my fingers?" The teasing in his low voice made your cheeks warm and made you tight around him.

"mmhh agh!.. stop being such a tease.." You whined, growing flustered. He chuckled lightly, moving his fingers in and out of you slowly then picked up the pace just after a little more teasing.

always doing some shi like this 😒

"Alright Alright I'll stop, you just want me inside you don't you?" He moved his hips into your ass letting you feel his erection. Your mouth opened letting out a whine just after he moved his hips into you and slid his digits in and out fast just to hear mess up your speech on purpose.

"nngh- you.. asshole.."

"whats that? didn't hear you love." His fingers slid in and out of you more, his pace picking up soon you could hear the wet slippery noises from beneath the blanket that was half covering you.

You had to cover your mouth at this point, you were letting out to much noises as it already was,, your pussy was enjoying his fingers way to much, and he was enjoying your muffled out moans to his doing.

He wanted to fuck you so bad, he thought of just finishing you off with his fingers first then grab ahold of your hips to ram his throbbing cock inside your soaked cunt from behind and listen to you struggle to keep down your voice.

"uhh.. I need you inside me badly kyle,, mmh..!"

"Youu do? oh you're such a good girl for me sweetheart I'm going to make you finish first."

what's a short oneshot without my CLASSIC

good girl line 😫

Istg

You can't tell me he wouldn't say this he's all for praising

Whether it's during intimacy or just regular day stuff he still praises you

LIKE

"Oh you got a 90 on our math test? Good job sweetheart" 😁

AND

"oh fuck, you're such a good girl.. you're doing a good jo..job.. a-ahh.."

explodes

anyway

And so are you 😊

It was around midnight, everyone was asleep

Well your parents were

You and Kyle definitely weren't lmafo

good thing their bedroom was downstairs cause you were quite loud up in your room, your hair in a fuzzy mess, legs quaking in their spot and loud breathless moans escaping your mouth as Kyle held your legs open, his tounge venturing deep inside you. His thumb rubbed your pearl, driving you crazy and arching your back with a rush of pleasure flowing inside you.

Your hands eventually latched onto his thick hair trying to shove him away from the way his tounge licked your clit in such a way you squirmed and whined.

Even though you begged him to stop, your voice trembling, fingers stuck in curly red hair, sweat running down the sides of your dark skin literally on the verge of breaking

You actually didn't want him to stop.

It wasn't your safe word anyway and he knew, so he kept along, gripping your thighs and shoving his face like he was some dog.

"im.. I'm gonna come soon ky- oh fuck.."

You whimpered, your breath hot as well as the rest of your body. Kyle lifted up his head for a second and looked into your eyes.

"Just tell me when baby."

"o..okay.." He went right back down with a smile.

Soon you felt his tounge slide it's way back in letting out an 'aahh..' you gripped your blanket and panted heavy. You made some incoherent sentences to him in a breathless haze feeling your peak near.

"a-ah- I'm coming! coming.. f-fuck..-" Kyle rubbed your clit to satisfy you once more before you eventually came.

You felt like you just ascended, your eyes rolling back, body shaking with pleasure and your back arched soon all of it came to an end and you laid back down, trying to catch your breath.

Kyle came join you after caressing your thigh with care, he crawled his way to the side of you. He watched you pant heavily you looked over at him with a faint smile still trying to catch your breath.

He smiled back, his hand finding its way to your cheek to kiss you. As the kiss grew you slowly sat up for him and leaned into the long kiss, your tongue soon separated from his as you two panted together looking at each other.

Once your breathing was normal you giggled "I taste weird." You put a hand to your mouth. Kyle shook his head with a playing eye roll.

"You taste good." He brought your head to him so he could land a kiss to your forehead. You smiled to yourself, your cheeks getting warm.

"Thank you for that even though we were just bored." You picked up his hands to hold it with yours. He swung your hands with his a little with a smile.

"I love making you feel good, I love you– Wait did I make you feel good? Oh wait what if you just faked your orgasm?! oh my god I'm a horrible boyfr-"

"WOAH hold on- no I didn't just fake this MIND blowing orgasm you gave me it was real, you did such a great job baby remember that." You cut him off and kissed the back of his pasty white hand.

He blushed, smiling shyly at your words and watching you kiss his hand like some princess.

"Really?" He asked, wanting a little more reassurance.

"Yes really, now I need to find my sweat pants." You kissed his cheek and smiled at him then stepped off the bed.

Kyle's gaze fell on you as you stepped off the bed, a big giddy smile on his flushed face.

Reassurance was such a big thing for him plus the praising oh myyy lordd

As you took a step forward your legs immediately felt like jello and just as fast as you got up you fell on the ground with a shriek.

Kyle eyes widen in shock, he quickly rushed to your aid in a worry.

"ARE YOU OKAY.."

"I think I broke my legs or you just did I don't know I can't walk."

".. I'll go find your sweats stay in bed."

"And new underwear! I lost my underwear too."

"I- okay"

He has very noticeable scratches on his back it looks like he got attacked by a bear but in reality, it was you who did that 🙏🏾

In the locker room when he changes out of his basketball uniform the guys couldn't help but ask what the fucks up with his BACK

"Dude what the hell happened to your back? You didn't tell me you got attacked by a dog or something." Stan walked passed Kyle, his eyes fixing on his bestfriends body

Okay that sounds kinda gay but it isn't alright

Most of the guys agreed, staring at him. Kyle looked at them confused.

"What? I wasn't attacked by a dog? What's wrong with my back?"

"Go look in the mirror dude." Kyle's eyebrows rose, he set his shirt down to walk over to the mirrors.

He turned himself around to observe his lower half. To his surprise that shit was red as fuck, scratches everywhere he's not really sure how he didn't even feel the pain right now well until he touched one scratch.

He winced in pain, adjusting his shoulders back in discomfort. He looked in the mirror trying to remember how he even got those scars. Just seconds later when he looked down at his matching bracelet you got him his eyes widen.

Kyle had one day came home a little irritated from the lost of the basetball game, 20-24. Lost by four points. He blamed Kenny for getting distracted by those cheerleaders in their skirts and crop tops rooting for him.. no like literally they were just rooting for Kenny.

🧍🏾‍♀️

anyway he didn't pass the ball from his obvious attention towards the girls and the 4th quarter was just ending once the buzzer went off the crowd cried in disappointment, some teammates slapped the back of Kenny's fucking head shouting at him in frustration.

"DUDE STOP FONDING OVER THE CHEERLEADERS"

"Oh shit we lost?"

"YES"

"Oh my bad guys lmao" Clyde pushed Kenny and ran out off the court he felt tears start to form from the lost of the game. Tolkien groaned running after his friend.

"We did good guys alright? We'll get them next time." Tolkien reassured trying to be optimistic but secretly he wanted to slap Kenny in the face as he ran off to catch Clyde.

Kyle shook his head, he was too frustrated to even face Kenny right now so he walked off the court along with some other teammates, his one hand on his hip while the other pinched the root of his nose.

"Sorry I couldn't make it to the game I forgot I had an essay due literally tomorrow."

"Don't sweat it, we lost anyway." Kyle threw his bag onto the ground and laid straight on your bed with a huff.

You stopped typing and looked over at him, he was pretty bummed, pissed off even.

"Oh shit sorry, I'm sure you did your best." You rolled over to him, patting his head. He didn't say much except just stared off into the distance.

You awkwardly stopped petting him and looked around from the quietness, he didn't seem in the mood to converse.

"Okay I'm just gonna finish my es-"

"Come here." Suddenly he was brought back to reality, he reached for your hand, sitting up.

"Hm?" You looked back at him, looking into his green eyes. He paused trying to come up with something.

"Can you sit down over here.." He let go of your hand to pat a spot next to him. You looked at him then at your laptop that had your essay tap open, ready for it's finish.

You didn't think he would take long to say a few words to you so you listened to him, switching your spot to your bed.

Once you were next to him he looked at you and you could just tell..

This wasn't going to just a short talk.

"fuck, Kyle really?"

"Just for a bit.. I swear I just need to let some steam off." His hand fell on your thigh as he pleaded. You looked up at him, your eyes fixing back on your laptop set on your desk.

The clicker blinking every second.

"My parents might come home early."

"Well keep your voice down, yeah?" He started to take off his shirt. He set it down on the floor with your slippers by your bed. You watched, biting your lip down from nerves.

Though he looked so good right now, he was slightly structured his torso built well considering he does play sports he doesn't work out much but you could definitely tell he was healthy, and his waist..

oh god

You found yourself slipping off your shirt as well, taken away by your boyfriend's beauty. He went in-between your legs and cuffed your face, smashing his lips into yours with force. Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to the hungry frustrated kiss you felt his fingers tug lightly on your thick hair, causing a low moan to escape from your mouth.

He bit your bottom lip with a smirk, pulling away for a second. He looked down at you, huffing. You stared back trying to hold back from tugging on his sweats.

"What?" You asked, as he kept staring into your soft eyes. He laughed shaking his head.

"Nothing it's just I felt a heartbeat from you. You want me don't you Y/n?" The teen cooed, inching toward your neck. Your eyes looked up in embarrassment, feeling your face heat up.

How'd he even know?

this boy is full of surprises one day he's a little angry cute nerd next thing you know he's a horny spaz, wanting to cum in you and bare his children despite being so young.

"Well I mean yeah, it's kinda hot when you're forceful."

"Oh really?"

"mhm-mh.." He backed away and examined your face.

Your eyes kept traveling down to his sweats growing a bit impatient, your body temperature was rising every second he looked at you.

He very quickly took notice, grinning. He tugged on the strings of his sweats, undoing the tie.

"Why don't you help me take them off so I can finally fuck you baby?" He whispered, his tone sensually and playful.

"oh fuck" you muttered, already starting to feel your climax by the sound of his voice.

You reached out and helped him undo the tie, he watched with a smirk his erection was already poking through the sweats.

"oh, you good girl.."

Soon later your nails were digging into his skin, his cock ramming into your cunt fast, too fast you couldn't think much at the pace he was going your brain was practically mush, your moans grew louder with every rough thrust he did, grunting right by your ear.

Your hair bounced along with his, some of his curls would slowly fall in his face as he thrusted himself into you. You sometimes giggle and move away the curl to crash your lips into his then pull away whenever he slid himself in and out fast, feeling his dick roughly ruin your insides.

Your nails just clawed the fuck out of him when he did that, the twitching sensation from his dick inside you as he hit your womb made you scream his name and gasp for air.

He'd whisper you lovely words in a sweat, next to your ear or above you.

'lovely words' being

"Oh yeah you like that don't you? Taking in my cock like the pretty girl you are."

"I'm going to fucking cum in you so hard baby, make you such a gre..great mommy."

"ohh shit you feel so fuck..ing good around my dick, I can't.. even uhh.. fuck.."

:3

And that's when Kyle's flashback ended, his face was red as fuck his thought process coming to an abrupt stop. He rushed back to his locker, shoving his clothes in there.

"You saw them?"

"Y-Yeah.. I uhm." He put on his sweater then closed his locker. The guys looked at him expecting an explanation from what they were all wondering about. Kyle just stared at all of them, gulping.

"I-yeah a dog.. attacked me. Whoops."

"There's barely dogs running around south park though." Craig looked over.

"You know what mind your business." He huffed, his face still red as he began to leave the locker room. Everyone watched him storm out, shocked.

Kenny came walking in with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Those scratches are from his girlfriend, idiots." Kenny snickered, walking to his locker. Stan looked at Tolkien, Tolkien looked over at Clyde and Clyde looked at Criag, most of them confused.

"Is she like abusing him or something? Holy shi–"

"Ohh that makes sense now.." Craig connected the dots, sitting up from the bench. Tolkien looked away thinking.. then it hit him.

"Ohhh. Damn."

"What?" Clyde eagerly waited for someone to explain though no one would. Stan went to call Kyle to tease him about it the rest of the boys started to get dress while Clyde still wondered why the hell his back was fucked up.

"GUYS c'mon!"

"Dude how do you not get it."

"I just DONT? MAYBE EXPLAIN"

"My god you're a faggot."

"WHAT"

"Shut up Clyde"

Now alot of people say he has a breeding kink 🤔

which I meannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

makes sense he is big on family when he gets older which just makes it really difficult to just say fuck it all and get you pregnant now.

well we have birth control for a reason I guess 💁🏾‍♀️

There's always that loud thought in his head as he's just close to his end, gripping onto your hips with a flushed expression. Going in and out fast trying to cum as he whines.

'come inside her, she'll look so pretty with your baby in her'

'fucking shit just breed her already, you know you wanna'

'you'll have little mixed cute babies with her.'

okay call me crazy but it's so rare I've ever seen a ginger black person 😭 anyway

He's soo tempted to do it, just one more thrust and he's fucked.

"Y/n are you on.. birth control?!!!! Hurry fu..fuck.." He leaned down, his arms pinning you. Your thoughts were all mush so it took a bit to answer his question.

"huh.?? Oh I think so.. why?"

"Can I cum inside you please, I cant.. hold it.. in anymore." Your pussy throbbed from the thought of his warm seed filling you up, your cunt tightening around his member getting Kyle to whimper.

You nodded vigorously, "yes yes come inside me.. that's kinda hot to think about yeah?" You chuckled with a pant, feeling him move inside you.

He nodded his head, smiling himself.

"no yeah thats.. really fucking hot to think.. oh shit I'm com..ing.."

In matters of seconds you felt his thick gooey fluid flood your insides, the both of you moaned together, his thrusts started to slow down, his dick rubbing against your walls filled with his seed grew sloppy he finally reached his end with you.

"My god one day when we have our own house and are older im going to get you actually pregnant.." He pulled out his cock, breathing heavy. You breathed yourself, your hands went to cuff his face.

"That's cute, if you get me pregnant now I swear to god I'll cut your dick off." You innocently smiled, leaning up to kiss his nose. His eyes widen, his laughter growing nervous.

"I'm gonna go get a towel for you now.. alright?"

"Alright." You watched as he leaned off you but came to a quick pause.

"Are you being serious?" He awkwardly asked, a little fear in his eyes.

You sat up to look at him, you covered up your laugh.

"No, I would never."

"Oh thank god, okay."

"Or I maybe I would."

"huh" 😧

flabbergasted

[meegan420]

Cartman Crying in his room South Park/South Paws

[jimmyvalmerenthusiast]

being a part of both team stan and team craig include

|Reader is GN, characters are about 14 years old here so freshman year of HS, Platonic!Team Stan/Craig x GN!Reader|

❥ Absolute chaos, I don't know what you expected.

❥ Having known both groups since preschool has been both beneficial and horrific. On one hand, if you got someone who won’t leave you alone and/or harassing you, consider they ass dead, all you will see if the person messing with you get dragged by the arms or hair by Craig and Cartman as the rest of the boys follow and you never hear or see that person again.

❥ The only one who can really harass you and get away with it is Cartman, the others, mostly everyone else but Kyle, Tolkien, Butters and Tweek, more so just pick on you for stupid shit. Unless it’s something they really find fucking stupid and want to give you shit for it cuz it’s funny to them cuz teenage boys.

❥ On the other hand, the second you mention that you have a crush or are just in a vulnerable state of mind or emotion, you are absolutely getting shitted on, again mostly by Cartman, but the others will give you shit too about things unless it’s something super serious cuz you’ve stated and proved many times before you will absolutely rock their shit if they say one word.

❥ You made one comment about how you missed your gran who just passed and Jimmy and Kenny felt the need to make one stupid “joke” about it. The whole school didn’t see either of them for a week after that. (Kenny prob died and Jimmy nearly saw the pearly gates, that taught him that some jokes aren’t necessary)

❥ Sleepovers with both gangs are a must considering you’re a part of both groups.

❥ One weekend you spend at Stan’s house or sometimes Kyle’s or Cartman’s with him, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and Butters. Those weekends usually consist of a lot of bullying Butters (not that you partake unless it’s something really stupid), Kyle and Cartman arguing and/or Kyle beating the shit out of him while you and Stan just kinda watch him get what he deserves as Kenny laughs his ass off (Butters attempts to stop Kyle but ultimately lets it happen anyway, Eric’s an asshole to him so he had it coming), and lots of video games per Stan and Kyle and takeout because of Cartman’s fatass, not that Kenny is complaining about it.It’s a bit of a stressful and chaotic weekend so when you return home Sunday night, you hideaway in your room to recover from their shenanigans before you see them at school.

❥ I’d say the following weekend when you spend it with Craig and those guys is better but let’s be honest..it’s not, it’s probably just as bad. Some weekends when you get dropped off at Tolkien’s, you’re half minded to just get back in your parents car and go home. These weekends usually consist of lots of chatter and/or outbursts (Tweek) from pretty much everyone but Tolkien, Craig’s probably yapping about red racer or stripe or Tweek, Clyde’s blabbering on about something probably stupid or his relationship with Bebe, Tweek is well…tweaking and/or is clinging to you or Craig, and Jimmy’s probably making repeated stupid jokes if he can get them out that is. You and Tolkien often look at each other like this:

❥ If no one is yapping, y’all are probably screaming as you race in Mario Kart or raging in Mario Party. Clyde’s most likely crying, Jimmy’s in shock, Tolkien and Craig are probably sweating and focused attempting to make a comeback, Tweek is almost losing his mind and you’re just standing or sitting with a shit eating grin on your face as the first place music plays while the rest are still racing or watching whoever is playing or your sitting in first with 9 stars and over 100 coins whilst everyone else is in dead last with one to none since you stole everything else.

❥ Safe to say, you’ve been banned from both games at the sleepovers. You’re okay with that though cuz while everyone else is focused on the games, you’re eating away at the snacks Mrs.Black has brought for y’all, well more so for you considering she seems to favor you over the boys. They’re not too pleased about this lol

❥ Okay so maybe not as bad as sleepovers at Stan’s but still chaotic.

❥ Both groups may be assholes but they have their good sides too. It’s to be expected that you’ll get shit on for something as does everyone in both groups but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, you are one of their best friends after all.

❥ Kyle, Tolkien and Butters are always good to go to for someone who’ll listen while you rant and give you advice about something, Kenny, Clyde and Jimmy are good to go to when you could use a hug or some form of affection (Ofc Jimmy can’t do a lot but that won’t stop him from at least using one of his arms to wrap around you and give you a squeeze), Stan and Tweek are unexpectedly good to go to to for a quick but genuine laugh since they can be unintentionally funny, and Cartman and Craig are good to go to when you need to just scream, shout, curse or just rage since they’ll have little reaction or give you a justified reaction to your anger.

❥ Movie nights are constantly a thing as well, like the sleepovers you do one weekend with Stan’s group and the next with Craig’s, you told them from the beginning that you wouldn't ever do the whole “spend a majority of time with one group and very little with the other.” You were friends with both groups and would spend an even amount of time with both. Some of the boys complained about it in the beginning but eventually came around after seeing how well it worked.

❥ You had seen how jealousy worked within both groups and decided it was best to avoid anyone getting jealous because someone else’s group got more time while the other group didn’t.

❥ But one weekend, you had tried getting both groups together to do one big movie night all together since it was so rare for both groups to get along enough to do something together and thought it would be easier to gather at yours. Yeah you never did that again after that weekend, it was more than you had bargained for and after only 2 hours of everyone being at yours, you snapped at them all and sent them all away and back home because no one could agree on anything or get along (Stan and Tolkien nearly got physical cuz Stan was instigating, Craig was threatening to choke Kenny out because he wouldn’t shut up, Clyde and Kyle were almost screaming at each other over movie choices, Cartman was calling Jimmy derogatory names, and Butters and Tweek were honestly just hiding in the other room to avoid the fighting but you coulda swore Tweek had to have bitten or hit Butters when you heard Butters scream ow).

❥ In the end, you ended up calling Wendy and the girls over to watch movies with you instead because the boys had been so much that they nearly pushed you to tears with their fighting.

❥ By the end of the first movie alone, your phone had been blowing up with calls, texts, and even emails from the guys all trying to apologize for ruining the night you worked so hard for just for them to ruin it all.

❥ Safe to say, it took at least 2 months for you to even acknowledge any of them as your friends after that so lesson learned.

❥ Overall, you love your friend groups but jesus christ they have some problems but nonetheless they’re special to you, even if some days you want to just kill them all.

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Calling all enjoyers of the OrangeJuiceVerse and teenage shenanigans!

That’s right, it’s time for another episode of Bedtime Stories With PCE, and this one is SO self indulgent like I know that’s the purpose of this series, just self indulgent orange flavored bonus content, but this one, mannnnn.

Essentially (PCE stfu about OJV Kyle’s bad knee), I was thinking about how i really didn’t let my annoying ass get into the gang as 15 year olds very much post A Fall In The Springtime. So I wanted to explore that dynamic a little more, featuring stupid fights, getting scolded by your parents, Kyle being an angry little fucker, and the way one person in a friend group getting sick means everyone’s getting the plague lmao. Set a couple days after AFITS, here’s

•Fuck It, We Ball•

Stan sighed as he approached the bus stop, Cartman and Kyle already engrossed in whatever they were arguing about now. And so it begins.

He planted himself at Kenny’s side, kicking at the slush that had refrozen with the temperature dropping again over the last few days. Damn March and its unpredictability. “Dude, how do they have the energy for this at seven in the morning?”

“Oh, you know how these two get when they’re bored,” Kenny said nonchalantly. “Probably why Ky suggested takin’ the bus today.”

That made sense. While Stan and the others had taken to making their own ways to school being sophomores, carpooling and the like for the most part, occasionally they’d all load up on the bus for nostalgia’s sake on days nobody had to stay late for extracurriculars. Kyle had been leading the charge in that the past couple weeks, bored being out of basketball and irritable while his knee healed. It honestly wasn’t surprising that he’d find excitement in the childhood routine of debating Cartman, and Cartman just liked to rile Kyle up in general, not that it was hard these days. Stan had laughed his ass off just the other day at his boyfriend’s claim that he was “drowning in ennui”. Dramatic, but warranted.

“IT WAS STUPID WHEN WE WERE NINE, AND IT’S MORE RIDICULOUS NOW!” Stan’s attention was drawn to his boyfriend’s shrill screeching. “BEING GINGER IS NOT LIKE BEING A VAMPIRE!”

Cartman was grinning in a very self satisfied way. “You burn in the sun, you’re creepy, you suck souls…”

“YOU’RE SO GODDAMN STUPID!!!”

Kyle, directly ensnared in their friend’s trap, moved to swing at him with a crutch, but overshot and was slipping forward, slamming into the ground with a loud “FUCK!”

Stan, Kenny, and even Cartman froze, eyes wide and speechless because Kyle was already hurt; slipping on the ice like that had no doubt made it worse. Kyle curled into the fetal position, clutching his bad knee and cursing up a storm. Stan ran to him in an instant.

“Dude, shit, okay, okay. Fuck, did you hit it?”

“What the HELL do you think,” Kyle hissed, writhing a little in the snow. He’d only recently been able to bend his knee semi-normally again, only with support, and here he was holding it to his chest in a way that definitely couldn’t be comfortable.

“S-Stan, I… GOD, FUCK YOU CARTMAN!!!”

That back and forth was always a good indicator of Kyle’s level of aggravation. He was extremely quick when he was upset enough. Less aggressive on his own, Stan jumped to his partner’s defense without hesitation.

“Why the shit would you work him up like that, huh?!?” Stan demanded, taking their obnoxious friend by the collar of his coat. He gave him a shake, not enough to actually hurt, but Cartman still whined like a pitiful little creature. “He can’t fight anyone yet! He can’t even stand!”

Kyle dragged himself a little down the ice. “I can buttfucking stand! Dramaticfuckass-“

He crumpled under the weight of his own body. Stan caught his neck before his head could whack the ice. “Dude!”

“I’m going to obliterate you,” Kyle warned.

Stan wanted to roll his eyes, but didn’t dare. Instead, he gently scooped Kyle into his arms, relieved when he felt wiry arms latch instinctually around his neck. He turned to the other two as he rose. “Grab his shit.”

Thankfully, Kyle’s house was the closest to the bus stop, and under the rapid pounding of his own heart, Stan could hear Kyle’s pissed off mumbling and sporadic whimpers of pain.

“I’m trying to be careful, dude,” he promised. “I know it’s still hurting.”

“Yeah, because some FAT ASSHOLE made me FALL!” Kyle seethed in Cartman’s direction.

“Ay! You’re the one who was trying to hit me, JewBot!”

Stan spun around to shoot Cartman a glare. “You started it and you know it, fuckknob. Give the backpack to Kenny and fuck off to school if you’re gonna keep causing problems.”

Cartman snorted. “I would, but Kahl’s bitch mom is going to pitch a fit and I happen to find that shit funny, obviously.”

“DON’T CALL MY MOM A BITCH!”

Ohhhh boy. It was definitely too early for all this. Kenny bounded up to the porch, using Kyle’s crutches to knock on the front door. “Guys, tone it down,” he advised before turning the knob. Nobody really locked their doors around here, and they all knew it.

“Yo, Mrs B!” Kenny announced their presence as the boys filed into the foyer.

Only Kyle’s mom would be home around this time, Stan knew. Ike usually rode to his early college high school program with their dad, since it was closer to Gerald’s firm. Sheila tended to fill her days with community meetings and clubs and volunteer work, but she usually stuck around the house until the rest of the family was safely at school and work, ruling the group chat with an iron fist. A veritable lioness when it came to her boys, that one.

Which was why her alarmed gasp upon seeing her eldest son glowering in Stan’s arms wasn’t surprising in the slightest.

“Kyle! Boys! What on earth happened?!”

“He slipped on the ice,” Stan explained, gingerly easing him down onto the couch. “Bashed his knee pretty good.”

Sheila let out a “WHAT?!?”, and Kyle groaned, clearly already done with his mother. “Ma, please don’t freak out. I just need to put it up a few hours or whatever, it’s fine.”

She planted her hands on her hips and stared each of the boys down like only a mother could. Cartman actually cowered a little, avoiding eye contact.

“And just how did you fall, huh, bubbeh?” She demanded of her son. “I thought I told you to be careful.”

Stan hated having to do damage control, but Sheila trusted him, so he was probably the best bet at the guys avoiding too much trouble. “He and Cartman were just arguing. You know how carried away they can get.”

“Don’t look at me, Mrs Broflovski,” Cartman said, putting his hands up in surrender. “Kahl tried to whack me! It’s not my fault his little bird bones gave out.”

“SHUT UP CARTMAN!”

“Kyle!” Sheila scolded. “Inside voices! And how many times do I have to tell you boys not to roughhouse when it’s slippery outside?”

All four of them mumbled varying apologies, even though he and Kenny hadn’t been involved. Kyle’s mom kept raving.

“And here I was about to head out the door! Oy, I’ll have to tell the book club ladies I won’t make it to brunch, and goodness! The PTA meeting will need to be rescheduled, and I suppose I’ll have to put out a grocery order for delivery and miss the deals I’d get going myself-“

“Ma,” Kyle interrupted, even more overwhelmed than he had been. “You don’t need to change your plans or anything. I know you have a full day.”

“You can’t just stay home alone! What if you’ve hurt your knee worse?!”

Stan could tell his boyfriend wanted to roll his eyes. “It really isn’t a big deal, okay? And I’m not alone. The guys can help me if I need anything.”

Kenny had already taken to removing Kyle’s hat for him and hanging it on the hook by the door. “Yeah, we got ‘im, scout’s honor.”

“The hippie would probably stay anyway,” Cartman pointed out. He had migrated to the kitchen and was rifling through the freezer, hopefully for an ice pack and not to raid the snacks.

Well, as much as Cartman was a dick, he wasn’t wrong. Stan had no intention of leaving Kyle’s side.

Kyle’s mom pursed her lips and checked her watch. Stan could practically see her internal conflict: would she deviate from her carefully curated schedule to stay home and smother her son, or would she let four teenage boys skip school and hang out in her living room? He turned on his best “charming and trustworthy” face; he usually had good luck with adults.

Sheila sighed, and Stan felt disproportionately victorious. The woman was even more expressive than Kyle was. Clearly, the gang was about to get a day off class with no grown up supervision. Yes!

“Fine,” she relented. “But only because I’m already running late. I’ll see if I can get all four of you an excused absence.”

That definitely wasn’t going to be an issue. Principal Charles would just love the idea of them practicing “wholesome male friendship and emotional support” and all that. If that wasn’t the conclusion the principal came to on his own, Cartman was a master manipulator and could talk himself, and the rest of them by extension, out of trouble.

Sheila grabbed her purse and bent down to kiss her son’s forehead, leaving a lipstick mark. “You’re a little warm, Kyle, do you feel-“

“Ma, I was wearing a hat,” Kyle groaned. “Please give the worrying a rest.”

“Fine, fine,” she clucked, shaking her head. “You boys just behave, do you hear me? And Stanley, you call me if I need to come home.”

“Yes ma’am.”

When the door shut behind her, Kyle groaned yet again, dramatically throwing his arms over his eyes. “I swear to God, she’s gonna be fussing over me like I’m a kid until the end of time.”

“Totally weak,” Cartman agreed.

“She just gets concerned about you,” Kenny reminded him. “I mean, it’s not like she doesn’t have a reason.”

Stan almost expected Kyle to fly into a rage at that, but he just sighed. “Can’t wait to be done with the goddamn crutches so she can chill the fuck out.”

Yeah, Sheila Broflovski ever chilling the fuck out was probably about as likely as Randy sobering up. Not gonna happen. And Kyle had gotten more than just the hair, nose, and height from his mother; he’d also gotten her temper, so Stan chose to let him believe she’d let up once he could walk.

“Ha! That’ll be the day,” Cartman laughed as he turned away from the freezer, ice pack in one hand and a popsicle in the other.

Stan caught the pack easily when it was tossed his way, ignoring their resident troublemaker in favor of getting his super best boyfriend’s leg elevated better. “This okay, baby?”

“Yeah, it-“ Kyle cut off with a wince. “Doesn’t hurt as bad as it did at first.”

“Still hurts, though?”

“I mean, it never really stopped hurting,” Kyle said with a shrug. “Not all the way.”

Stan had done his research after his partner first messed up his leg. What the basketball coach guessed was a sprain turned out to be a hyperextended knee and partial meniscus tear, straining the outside ligament and everything. Not an injury that required surgery, since Kyle was young and relatively healthy, but he wasn’t supposed to put any weight on it at all for a full month, was supposed to be taking anti inflammatories and painkillers. Kyle tried to downplay it, sick of being out of commission, but Stan maintained that it caused him more trouble than he admitted.

Kenny hopped up from where he’d been perched on the arm of the couch. “Where’s your drugs? I gotcha.”

“I don’t need-“

“Nightstand,” Stan interrupted. Kyle wasn’t about to weasel his way out of medication. Kenny bounded up the stairs as Kyle angrily unzipped his coat and threw it in the general direction of the jacket hooks.

“Dude, I don’t want the fucking painkillers.”

Cartman snorted from his position on the floor, where he’d claimed control of the remote and was looking for trashy reality tv. “You’ve been on crutches for weeks and you still can’t walk, you dumb bitch. Take the goddamn pills if you hurt. That’s like, common sense.”

“You wouldn’t know common sense if it bit you in the fat ass.”

As much as Stan hated to agree with Cartman, he did have a point. “Kyle, please don’t be difficult about this. We’re just trying to help.”

Kyle scowled and crossed his arms. “You can help by getting off my case. I swear, you guys are as bad as my mother.”

“No can do, firefox,” Kenny re entered the living room, holding the orange vial of painkillers aloft. “Consider us on your case like white on rice. This bottle should not still be this full.”

“Let me see that.” Stan confirmed that it was pretty obvious that Kyle had been slacking on the meds. “Dude, c’mon. Have you not been taking these?”

“I took them “as directed” or whatever the first week,” Kyle protested. “I don’t like how they make me all foggy and tired!”

Stan fought the urge to groan. “Baby, you’re literally in pain. Your leg’s gonna hurt if you don’t treat the symptoms.” He didn’t add that the fact that Kyle had been hurting and doing nothing about it had definitely played in to his irritability. He knelt down and took Kyle’s hand. “Will you just take one? For me? Your pain is my pain.”

Cartman mimed throwing up. “Jesus Christ, you fucking simp! What is this, a shitty fanfiction?!”

“SHUT UP, CARTMAN,” Kyle snapped. Then his eyes met Stan’s, and his anger dissipated some. “Damnit, Staniel. Don’t give me the face! You look like a sad puppy and- ugh, fucking fine, but if anyone draws dicks on my face while I’m taking a damn high ass nap, I’m kicking the ass of everyone in this room.”

A threat not to be taken lightly, even with Kyle’s current physical limitations. Small, injured, about to nod off from the pill he’d swallowed while he was talking, but vicious.

“No dicks, promise,” Kenny said with a hand over his heart.

“Yeah, we all know the only dick you want on your face is Stan’s-“ Cartman was cut off by a throw pillow flung in his direction. “Fine! Geez, I won’t fuck with you.”

“I’ll keep watch,” Stan offered.

Cartman rolled his eyes and went back to flipping through daytime television. “I hate your gay ass, I’m so seriously.”

———

There was only so much Real Housewives the boys could take before it got old. And Stan really didn’t give a shit what the Kardashians were up to. Even Cartman had gotten restless after a few hours, corralling Kenny out the back door to throw chunks of ice against the fence.

Kyle was still sleeping through all of it, though his sleep looked far from peaceful. Kyle didn’t usually sleep well in general, and lying in an uncomfortable position on the couch with his face tight even in sleep, he looked to be struggling. Nightmares, probably, made even weirder than normal by the drugs making him sleep harder than he usually did.

Stan didn’t have the heart to wake him up, instead just in his lookout post on the floor next to the couch. He switched the channel to National Geographic and turned the sound off, letting his head fall back next to his boyfriend’s.

He couldn’t have been asleep long, before being jolted awake by a thump and a muttered “god damnit”.

Adjusting to the dim light of the living room, Stan landed on Kyle, who had apparently walked into the doorframe in his post nap confusion. He was immediately up and darting his way.

“Dude, you’re supposed to be using your crutches! Where’re you going?”

Kyle grumbled and rubbed at his leg. “I’m running the Boston Marathon, what does it look like? I’m on a piss quest, Stanathan.”

Stan swung an arm around him for support, helping him hobble down the hall. “For fucks sake, Ky, you’re gonna hurt yourself walking around like this.”

“Didn’t think about it,” Kyle argued. “I told you the pills make me all groggy.”

They stopped at the bathroom. “Can you make it?”

Kyle hopped through and shut the door. “I’m not helpless.���

Stan leaned against the wall, trying not to laugh at the frustrated look he’d flashed. “You have a good nap, at least?”

“Had a dream I was in a wheat field.”

“A wheat field?”

“Yeah.” He heard the toilet flush and the faucet start up. “We were trying to invade a kingdom of giants with a marching band. And then I was in my car and all the tires exploded. Pedro Pascal was there.”

Steadying his boyfriend on his way back into the hall, Stan chuckled. “The Mandolorian slashed your tires?”

“Apparently.”

Heat was radiating from Kyle like a furnace. Not that he didn’t usually run warm, especially when he slept, but even Sheila had noticed earlier. Stan helped him down onto the couch and rested the back of his hand on Kyle’s face, checking for fever.

“Dude, do you feel okay? You look kinda pale, and you’re hot.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Jesus, not you too. I’m fine. I can’t be sick on top of everything else, you just worry too much.”

That wasn’t how it worked, but okay. Kenny and Cartman came barging in the kitchen door, shaking ice from their shoes in a haphazard way that a certain matriarch wouldn’t appreciate.

“I need some fucking hot chocolate!” Cartman declared, Kenny letting out a muffled agreement through his scarf before unwinding it.

“Guys,” Stan started, “have you been sick at all the past week? Like, fever, dizziness, anything?”

Kenny shrugged. “I had the sniffles a couple days ago, that’s it.”

“I don’t get sick,” Cartman insisted. “My immune system is superior. Oh, lame, you guys! Is Kahl infected with some disease now too? I mean, more than just his default.”

Kyle moaned dramatically. “Please cut it out. I’m tired, assholes.”

Stan ignored him, at least until he had a chance to check for certain. “Ken, will you get the thermometer? Under the kitchen sink. I think I might’ve given you guys that cold I had over the weekend.”

“You got over that in like, two days,” Kyle pointed out.

“That was me. This is you. And if you’ll recall, I almost cracked my head open in your bedroom,” Stan reminded him.

“Because you’re a dick who tried to ignore it.”

“And what are you doing right now?”

Kyle opened his mouth to make some remark, and Kenny took the opportunity to shove the thermometer under his tongue. Kyle glared but didn’t yank it out, probably hoping to prove them all wrong.

“Ha!” Cartman was at least a little amused reading the screen. “Of course you’re sick. What, can’t handle a little seasonal bug like the rest of us?”

Moving to lunge off the couch, Kyle swung, not missing this time, but falling to the floor nonetheless. Cartman wailed like he’d just been stabbed.

“Did- did you guys see that?! Kahl totally got me in the eye! Oh, god, I’m blind! I’m suing your crippled ass!”

“Knock it off, Fatboy, you’re fine,” Kenny said tiredly. “Kyley, I think we should get you up to bed and call your mom.”

Stan was inclined to agree, not just because Kyle was definitely running a temperature now, but also because he’d just fallen for the second time in the span of a few hours, and there was no way even Kyle could deny how much that had to hurt. He scooted the coffee table out of the way to help him up.

“Okay, use the good side, I’ve got you.”

Kyle had gotten pretty graceful at using the pistol squat method to get up without putting weight on his bad knee over the past few weeks. He’d always been deceptively strong, even like now when he was sick and drawn, and Stan was just kind of there just in case he faltered.

“Don’t call my mom,” he pleaded. “It’s just a little fever. I can probably sleep it off.”

Well, considering his ridiculous stubbornness, Kyle could probably argue that illness going around right out of his body. “You can try, dude, but Sheila’s gonna be pissed I didn’t tell her.”

“I’ll handle it,” Kyle mumbled, accepting his crutches and letting Kenny and Stan accompany him to the stairs. “Will you guys stay?”

Stan raised an eyebrow. “Even Cartman?”

“Pshh, like I wanna stick around for the jew to get pissed off and try to kill me again.”

The guys knew Cartman well enough to know that was just his way of saying he didn’t want to be the reason Kyle got carried away and hurt himself, but they didn’t point that out.

“Then fuck off, fatass. Go manipulate the FBI or whatever you get up to,” Kyle said with another eyeroll.

Cartman snorted. “Eh, it’s still pretty early. Maybe I’ll start a cult or something.” He grinned mischievously. “See you assholes.”

Kenny flipped on the hall light. “I wonder what it is that he actually does in his spare time.”

“Something stupid or illegal.” Kyle groaned as he was helped into bed. “Or both.”

That sounded about right. Stan settled under the blankets next to him, Kenny having procured the cold meds still in the drawer from Stan having been sick. Stan read the pack carefully before handing Kyle a few capsules. “Here, dude. It’s the daytime shit. No acetaminophen or any of the crap that’ll fuck with your other drugs.”

“Thanks.”

Kyles massive “Ass Pro Shops” tumbler, a Kenny McCormick creation that was forever stationed on Kyle’s nightstand with its blue silicone straw, washed down the medicine before Kyle lied back with a sigh. He was clearly still in pain, and now feverish to top it off. “Have I mentioned yet that I’m really fucking annoyed?”

Kenny snorted, casually shooting the mini basketball into the hoop mounted on the closet door. “Darlin’, you’ve made that pretty clear.”

Stan wrapped him up in his arms, carefully, like his boyfriend might attack like a wounded animal. And here we see an injured fox, in his burrow, directly after fighting off the raccoon. He has allowed the continued company of the bear and the opossum, who continue to aid in his recovery. The rabbit often accompanies this ragtag group, though she would likely be unwilling to leave school, fearing both the agitated fox’s anger and a potential to be grounded.

Laughing at his mental nature documentary comparison was probably not in his best interest, lest Kyle assume he was being made fun of, so Stan just kissed his boyfriend’s flushed cheek. “You gonna be able to fall asleep again?”

Kyle snuggled closer. “Mm, if you keep holding me like this.”

Stan knew both he and Kenny would have to leave his side eventually. Kenny had basketball practice and Stan had off season football conditioning. He could get out of classes today, sure, but coach wasn’t about to ease up on him, not with Stan set to play first string in the fall. If South Park had one thing (other than cattle) to be proud of, it was high school sports.

Still, he’d savor this moment, getting to take care of him with Kenny for backup, and he’d probably cave and stay if Kyle asked.

———

The alarm clock on the nightstand flashed that it was almost three when Sheila poked her head in to whisper (or her version of it, at least), “boys!”

Uncharacteristically, Stan was the first to wake, followed by Kenny, who had curled up at the foot of the bed like a pet, while Kyle only moaned and rolled over.

“Yes ma’am?” Stan mumbled, rubbing his eyes and disoriented from their nap.

The matriarch planted her hands on her hips, one auburn brow arched in concern. “Is everything alright? Eric already left?”

“Mhm. A while ago. He went because he was making Ky mad again and they were trying to fight and we all didn’t want him to hurt himself more. It was Cartman’s decision.” Stan didn’t know why he was defending the dickhole who liked to mess with his favorite person. Maybe because Cartman had recently shown a few redeeming qualities, plus Stan felt bad in general about giving the guys his cold. “Kyle, he didn’t want us to call you, but he’s running a bit of a fever. Or, he was a few hours ago. We got some medicine in him, so hopefully it’s down.”

“WHAT WHAT WHAT?!”

Kyle sat up quickly, squeaking a little in his confusion. “Ma, what’s going on? Why are you freaking out?”

She rushed over, immediately all over her son. “Oh, I knew it! I knew you were warm this morning! Call it a motha’s intuition, but I knew you’d caught what’s going around that school of yours!”

“He’s okay, Mrs. B,” Kenny cut in. “Stanny and I both got over it quick, and Cartman definitely had it but didn’t even complain, and you know how he is.”

Sheila sighed, hands still on the face of an absolutely peeved Kyle. “Oh, I suppose. I just, I worry! About all of you! And my poor baby is already hurt, I can’t imagine how miserable it must be-“

“Ma, please. I’m okay. Just let me go back to sleep.”

Turning to the other two, who had gotten up and were standing attentively like seven year olds in trouble, she offered a motherly smile. “Why don’t the two of you go down and make yourselves a snack?” She suggested. “You have to leave for your sports soon, right? Can’t go on an empty stomach!”

Kenny opened his mouth to protest, but Stan knew how Sheila’s mind operated. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer, especially while she had already blustered into full caretaking mode at the mention of her child under the weather. She’d do that for all five of them, yeah, but as much as Kyle would kick his ass if he said it, Kyle had always been more prone to physical problems than the rest.

“Will do. Ken, sandwiches real quick and we head to the school?”

“Works for me, brother. Thank you, Mrs B.”

Sheila smiled tensely, trying to force feed Kyle the lukewarm water at his bedside. Stan reached around her to squeeze his hand. “Okay, dude?”

“I’m okay. Little plague and a fucked up leg can’t take me out.”

“Kyle, language!”

Stan had to laugh. “We left the thermometer downstairs,” he offered. “If you want to check again. We’ll be outa here in a sec.” He kissed the back of Kyle’s hand, noticing how glassy his eyes were, all the brighter in their fever flush. “Can I come check on you after?” He was asking both Kyle and his mother.

They answered in unison, which made Kenny laugh. “Aight, loverboy, let’s feed us so we don’t die during suicides.”

The irony wasn’t lost on either of them when they made it down the stairs into the kitchen. “Dude, I really hate the idea of leaving him alone.”

Kenny retrieved sandwich supplies eagerly from the fridge and cabinets. They all knew where everything was kept in each other’s houses.

“He’s not alone. Got his mama, and you know she’s leaping at the chance. Where do ya think Ky gets it?”

True. Both Kyle and Sheila shared that overbearing motherly quality. They thrived on caring for people.

Problem was, Kyle was a godawful patient, and Stan liked to coddle him in spite of the protests.

“Make me a pb&j, will you?” He asked Kenny. “I’m gonna heat up some soup for Ky. He hasn’t eaten since breakfast, if he did have that.”

“He’s gonna get annoyed,” Kenny pointed out.

That was true, but still. “Dude, my boyfriend is hurt, sick, stubborn as fuck, and diabetic. I’m not letting his levels get messed up.”

Kenny laughed. “Just marry him already. You’d make a great overprotective husband.”

“Sick, man, we’re kids!”

“That has nothing to do with what I just said. I’m talkin’ future shit.”

Stan dumped a can of chicken noodle into the pot he’s grabbed. “You deadass said “already”. We’re sixteen and fifteen.”

“You’re still gonna be a good husband one day.” Kenny was building sandwiches, didn’t look up. “We call him a mom, but you’re absolutely the type of dad to be waiting on the porch with a shotgun if your daughter brings home a date. Not that your pacifistic ass would use it.”

That was true, guns were not his favorite. “Ken, knock it off.” He checked on the time. “Hey, drink some water. We should head out as soon as we eat.”

Canned soup was easy and quick enough to heat up, and Stan had it poured into a bowl with a few crackers on the side by the time Kenny had gotten sandwiches and drinks set up on the bar. “Gonna take this up to Ky, be right back.”

“Leaning into that knight in shining armor complex pretty hard today, huh?”

Stan flipped him off over his shoulder.

In Kyle’s room, Shiela was humming at a low volume, fussing with the covers and the washcloth she’d laid on his forehead. Kyle saw him first.

“Dudeeee,” he complained. “Tell Ma I’m okay and she doesn’t need to smother me.”

Laughing and setting the soup on the table, Stan leaned over to run his fingers through Kyle’s hair. “Sorry, but I’m on her side, dude.” He gave Sheila a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you, I just, he was already getting pretty good rest and I didn’t want to rile him up-“

“Oh, believe me,” she said pointedly. “I know he’d have only worked himself up.”

“I’m right here!”

“See what I mean?” Sheila put on her all business face. “Bubbeh, Stanley and Kenny have to leave soon for practice.”

Kyle looked positively betrayed. “Dude, you’re actually leaving me?”

“You need more rest, baby. I can maybe come back and visit after conditioning?” Yeah, right. More than likely, his mom would veto any more company until Kyle was over the fever. “You need to eat and keep taking it easy.”

“Yes, sir,” Kyle grumbled sarcastically.

Stan suppressed another laugh and kissed the back of his hand again before turning to Sheila. “We’ll be out the door in a few minutes. I’ll ask before coming after.”

She nodded. “I think that would be best. Thank you for helping out today, Stan.”

“Definitely, dude.” Then he froze. He called his own mother dude, but he had never called Kyle’s mom that. Thankfully, she smiled fondly.

“You boys just put your dishes in the sink when you’re done. Have a good practice.”

Stan grinned and kissed Kyle again before heading back down. Kenny was halfway through his sandwich when he plopped down and snorted.

“Man, I totally just called Ky’s mother “dude”,” he commented.

Kenny giggled. “Only you, brother. Gotta tell ya, I think this basketball team thing? This is probably a one time deal.”

“You’re not planning to play next year?”

“It’s just, well, it was only fun with Kyle, and he’s out for a hot minute. Plus I could be spending my free time workin’. Lot to think about, ya know? And it’s not like you and football. I just wanted to try it out.”

Stan understood. He’d cycled through plenty of hobbies himself. “Why not just go ahead and quit?”

Kenny shook his head. “Season’s almost over, anyway. Gotta finish it out. So, for now…” he saluted with his sandwich. “Fuck it. We ball.”

[alornights]

⟢ you and i

➜ in which ! you get romance troped.

💌 ﹫main 4.

✩ 🎸 warnings﹗none.

🍓 ⟡ notes — short, and i mean short, little thing cus im bored mkay gn!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ERIC CARTMAN enemies to lovers

what did you expect lmao no one fucking likes this kid

you hated him for bullying people and he hated you because you were of the few people who actually stood up to him.

you remember the wendy/cartman situation. yeah thats u two.

the two of you randomly started hanging out and developed feelings for each other and started dating.

#shocked, the school went insane after that

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ KYLE BROFLOVSKI holiday romance

had a high school musical moment but without the musical

his family and stans went back to aspen for funsies and kyle and stan got invited to the teen's party oooooo

they went and had nothing better to do and he saw you talking and meeting new people and bro's jaw dropped.

so stan literally shoved him into you and boom he got himself a girl who wouldn't leave him this time around.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ KENNY MCCORMICK marriage pact

you both agreed that you were too cool to get bitches and that's why you guys hadn't dated anyone since elementary school

so the two of you made a pact that if u weren't married by 28 then you'd both get married together for funsies.

the two of you even started acting like a married couple just to test the waters by doing all that old romantic couple shit.

until you weren't testing the water and the two of you caught feelings for each other, hard.

hey at least u might get married before ur 30s tho :)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ STAN MARSH dude in distress

had just broken up with wendy for like the billionth time

you found him lying at the park contemplating life and went "this guy needs some fixing up"

he was a bit hesitant when you suggested hanging out for the entire night but he just wanted to take his mind off things

so he agreed

and good golly was that the best decision he ever made.

the two of you had so much fun that bro fell in love like a loser and vomited all of you, totally because of the drinks he had. yuh.

[southparktexts]

hiii this is my first time requesting so im kinda scared and i hope im not doing anything wrong!! could you do headcannons with the main four going on a long road trip with a reader who drives? who do u think would be the passenger princess teehee. take care and take as much time as u need!!!

hii anon !! absolutely !! thank you for requesting !! <3 you didn’t do anything wrong !! im glad you requested <3

The Main 4 On Roadtrips w / Driver!Reader

stan ;

- as i said before i cant see him as a affectionate person.

- either the whole roadtrip is the two of you listening to music or talking.

- 50/50 on both parts

- the closest thing you’ll get to affection on your roadtrip is hand holding or thigh gripping while you drive

- i can see stan being a quiet yet calm type of boyfriend.

- his music taste is probably a lot of old 2020 songs

- he doesn’t backseat road rage a lot suprisingly

- checking up on you from time to time as well.

“babe, how you doing? alright?”

“you want me to drive?”

- i can say though he is the most unorganised person ever.

- he didn’t pack snacks or water..

- also gets distracted a lot, especially if its dark.

- will randomly ask you to pull over to gaze at the stars with you.

- or fuck.

- will randomly smoke a blunt, i don’t know.

- also will randomly change his playlist to sad songs

-.. and emo??

- feeds you snacks when you buy some

kyle ;

- i know damn well he is annoying to drive with.. no offense..

- but also very caring as well!

- you both fight for aux though..

“im playing!”

“but your driving?!”

- you guys end up making a playlist mid roadtrip..

“oh add ___ as well”

“fine..”

- he is the most organised person out of them.

- constantly does check up on the bags to make sure he didnt forget anything.

- HUGE road rager…

- not surprising.

- most of the roadtrip is wholesome talking.

- sentimental talks and talks about life.

- checks up on you constantly.

“are you getting tired?”

“i can drive if you want..”

- very affectionate, although your driving.

- gripping onto your thigh, kissing you at every red light, saying i love yous

- a very affectionate sweetheart

- his music taste is bo burnham.

kenny ;

- HE is the passenger princess but he isn’t the only princess.

- loves when you drive, he can get cooked while you drive.

- i can see him getting so fucking cooked, saying the randomest shit

“i love nascar drivers!!”

“..okay??”

- he packed snacks.. but he ate them all when the munchies kicked in.

- thigh gripping from him as well as whispering dirty things to you.

- probably tries to get you riled up to fuck in the car.

- definitely loves it when you buy things for him

- stopping by drive thru and ordering him food like a princess

- most of the car ride is a mix between is singing along to music or talking

- 50/50 yet again

- im a huge believer that kenny is an juggalo.

- music taste is def pink guy and icp

- blasting music and rolling down the windows like idiots

- definitely tried getting you high as well

“ken im driving!”

“and??”

cartman ;

- HE is the passenger princess as well 😭

- i say this because he can’t stay well in one spot unless he’s given something..

- im being fr.

- will whine and complain a lot

“im hungryyy”

“im boreddd”

- he is definitely on aux

- only because he can do something which is controlling music

- the WHOLE roadtrip is karaoke. full stop.

- playing old school bangers and singing along.

- definitely on his phone playing games as he vibes with you.

- he (un)ironically ate all the snacks..

“can you get me a chip?”

“..were out.”

“HOW THE FUCK ARE WE OUT I PACKED 3 BAGS??”

- not very affectionate when it comes to you in my opinion.

- will whine until you pull into mcdonald’s and order him food.

- and snacks.

- acts like a brat when he doesn’t get what he wants

- …. doesn’t check up on you, he lowkey forgets too.

reqs are open !!