#old man one yelling at the kids to get off his lawn

[dread-pirate-mumbles]

high quality sea of stars shitposting incoming

(mid game spoilers)

just imagining the scene that lead to the acolyte confrontation on glacier peak

One, in bunny slippers and a robe-equivalent of the Acolyte uniform, having prepared breakfast and tea for the Acolytes in the kitchen of clockwork castle, is carefully preparing tiny Dweller of Strifes to put on top of some celebratory cupcakes. He can't wait to surprise his Master with the resurrection of the Dweller of Strife, and hopes The Fleshmancer remembers him.

Two is reading a report at the breakfast table and absentmindedly snacking on bacon, which Four keeps trying to steal but keeps getting thwarted by Two smacking his hand with her rod. She reads aloud interesting details in a sotto voice, to avoid waking Three

Three is physically present at the table but laying face down, either asleep or communing with the wood-- the others aren't sure which

One, upon finishing the little details on the mini Strifes' eyes, looks up at just the right time to see Valere/Zale/etc climbing up the mountain in his back yard, and accidentally drops the piping bag of frosting on the plate of cupcakes, which can only mean one thing-

This is war.

[forgeofthenine]

The bachelors are bachelors no longer! How would they grow old with you? Secondarily, how would they respond to being grandparents?

Ironically I wrote this while staying at my Nans house. I'll be here for the holidays so the next few posts will also be written here, I just thought this was particularly thematic. Halsin was also a perfect fit for this prompt too, so I hope you don't mind me adding him in :)

How would the bachelors (+Halsin) grow old with you and respond to your growing family

Dammon

This blacksmith was sure he'd live the bachelor life for the rest of his days

Who'd want to marry a man so obsessed with his forge that he's basically personified it?

Apparently, he's found the one person out there that can appreciate all his quirks

As the two of you grow older I actually see him stepping back from his forge more

He's already taught your children how to handle the family blacksmithing business, giving over the running of it to your eldest daughter and son-in-law with one of your younger sons happily working there too

As much as it saddens him the aches and creaks in his joints make the work too hard on his aging body, and his hands aren't steady enough for the delicate detail work he used to do

You can't keep him out of the forge completely though, and he still visits regularly and helps with drawing the designs of new projects and commissions

When he isn't hovering over your children's work, he's with you and the grandkids

Dammon settled into a domestic life surprisingly well, and he's a very doting grandfather

He's the type to insist you buy extra treats because he knows a specific grandchild likes it and will be coming over to visit

He always volunteers you two for babysitting as well, the spare rooms in your house that were once your children's now belong to their kids

It's a life Dammon is content with, a large family surrounding him and you by his side, he really couldn't ask for more when he never expected to get this much

Zevlor

Zevlor is built to be a granddad, I'm saying it now

He loves you, his kids, and his grandkids more than anything

As an even older gentleman he's actually still very active

The type of old man to insist on going on long strolls after meals, and he quite happily runs your little hobby farm with the help of your kids

You have a smaller, close knit family

With children living just down the road, while your kids work or take care of the home you and Zevlor happily take the grandkids for entire days

He shows them the same things he showed his kids, things like how to tie shoelaces, to ride a horse, and to wield a sword

You'll see them all trudging back in for lunch, covered with dirt and grinning as they try and hide from you

Even in his older age he's very patient, happily listening to his grandbabies babbling as he feeds them

Speaking of food, Zevlor would want his main meal of the day to be at midday

Once he gets older he doesn't like the feeling of sleeping so soon after a big meal

He does start to take naps, however, and sometimes you'll see him passed out on a comfy chair with a grandchild sleeping on top of him

If no grandchildren are around he'll likely drag you into napping with him too, there's something special about napping with someone else

Zevlor lives a very charming life at the end of the day, and he couldn't be happier about it

Rolan

Rolan is the grumpiest old coot on the block

Absolutely the type to yell at kids to get off his lawn, if he actually had a lawn

Alas, he only has a tower and instead he teaches your only child the art of mastering the weave

As he grows older he somehow seems to grow grumpier and even more introverted

Without you there to drag him out of Ramaziths Tower people likely would've assumed him dead years ago

The only people that see his softer side are you, your child, and your grandchildren

And your grandchildren love coming to the tower, wanting to look at all the pretty things and see their granddad do magic

You know the magic shows that Rolan did for his siblings? He does them for his child and grandchildren too

Speaking of Cal and Lia, he's a doting uncle for their kids and grandkids

It ends up with all three of your families meeting up at the tower for all gatherings and holidays, despite Rolans prickly attitude

It's absolute chaos, and the wizard secretly loves watching everyone joking and having a good time

On a random note, he absolutely teaches your grandkids how to read and do arithmetic at a young age

He insists on reading them bedtime stories whenever possible too, and they love it because he does the voices

Rolan is the one that thought he'd be least likely to be a family man, but it turns out he fits that role quite well

Halsin

You and Halsin run an entire orphanage together, you end up with absolutely loads of kids

Only a handful are your biological kids and you also end up with a full-grown owl bear, but you love them all the same

Halsin is very long lived, even for an elf, and if you're equally long lived then you'll end up keeping the orphage going for literal hundreds of years

Over that time the two of you might see three or four generations of humans grow up, your former charges often coming back to visit with their own children and grandchildren

You end up being a pair of old, happy parents with an impossibly large family

Halsin revels in it, finding a true passion in raising kids into happy and functional adults

It's apparent in the way he grows into the role, happily spending decades retelling the same favourite bedtime stories about him and his companions saving the sword coast

He continues to dote on you too, no matter how old you both get

The elf always reminds you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you

Halsin adores his grandkids too, often having them come for sleepovers or to play with all the other kids

He loves nothing more than seeing everyone safe and content, an owl bear happily trodding along after him

You'll find he insists on running the orphanage for as long as possible too, almost on deaths door by time he finally passes it on to his children to take over

Halsin is a very passionate man, and his giant family is one of his greatest passions

[mymelodymia]

Hey bby how r u? I got a request cause my emotions have been wonky asf can you write where Mike has a younger sis like 13-14 basically going through a lot and is getting bullied at school for not being the "prettiest" being teased and picked on constantly for being the "weird" one, shy, mostly to themselves hard to make friends etc. Iv gone through that and it sucks :(

Uhh fluffy lots of comfort mike lowkey beats the shot outta them. Anyways ty 😊 have a good one hun 🩷

Bullys // Mike Schmidt x sister!reader

**not a ship**

Summary: you're being bullied and don't say anything,

Warnings: bullying, bruises, Mike beating the shit out of some middle-schoolers,

Age: 13

A/N: hi baby! I'm doing good, I hope you like the way this came out 🥰

+•°+*°•++•°+*°•+

You had been being bullied for a while now. You kept it a secret for a while, most nights you cried yourself to sleep. What did you do to them? You hadn't done anything to them, they just did it to be little pains in the ass.

You tried to make friends but no one liked you and you didn't know why. You got good grades, you helped people in class, and you were literally the sweetest person in the world.

One day you couldn't take it anymore, you were riding home on your bike when you were suddenly hit the ground. Some kids had pushed you, (assholes) you skined your knees on the road, and Injured your palms from catching yourself.

They all took turns kicking you, before an old man walked out in a robe, yelling at them to get off his lawn (sorry)

You were badly injured from the force of the kicks. You could barely stand back up. You had been able to cover up most of your bruises with hoodies and sweaters, but you couldn't take it anymore

You broke down crying on your bike, sobbing loudly. You somehow had the strength to slowly peddle the bike and got home two hours after your curfew. It was now sundown, the street lights had turned on not long ago.

Mike was extremely worried about you. You had been very distant and quiet over the past few months. You spent most of your time in your room. And you oddly always left food on your plate. He didn't know why, he assumed it was connected to puberty in a way.

But when he saw you biking down the street, he let out a sigh of relief, but soon turned angry.

"Where have you been!? Do you know how late it i-" he yelled, pausing when he saw your tear-stained cheeks and puffy red eyes. "What happened? W-who did.....whats wrong?" He asked holding one of your shoulders

You slowly took of the jacket you were using to hide the cuts and bruises all along your body. He gasped and gently caressed a few down your arm.

You sniffed and he hugged you. Wrapping his strong arms around you securely. "Who did this to you?" He asked as you sobbed into him. "Y/n...please tell me who it was, i need names." He said in a soft tone.

You slowly whispered every single person who ever hurt you. And that took a while since practically everyone in the school was bullying you.

He listened carefully, remembering everything you said. He carried you inside, sitting on the couch, he allowed you to crawl into his lap and cling to him.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, he held you to his chest. He couldn't belive someone would hurt his baby sister. This disbelief quickly turned into anger.

Filled with rage, he slowly set you down and took his car keys and put on his coat. You didn't have the strength to follow him, so you curled up into a ball and sat there for a good hour.

Mike returned with a small bruise on his cheek, just under his eye. Let's just say that he took care of them 😈

He picked you up like a baby, cradling you in his arms. He walked you over to his room and plopped you down, forgetting about your injuries.

When you winced in pain he immediately apologized, "oh im so sorry, i forgot, im sorry baby.." he said taking you his arms again, kissing the top of your head.

He walked out for a moment and returned with a tube of something, he applied a small amount to his cheek in a mirror, before coming over to you.

He rubbed it gently into your skin, being sure not to hurt you.

You thanked him when he was finished, he set the tube down on his night table, he climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around you gently. You rested your head on his chest softly.

"Mike."

"Hmm" he responded, waiting Patiently for you to continue. "They have been doing this for a few months now, they'd call me fat and ugly all the time and whenever i would laugh they'd say its ugly." You kept going on and on about what they did to you for a few more minutes.

"Y/n, baby, you are not fat, and your laugh is one of my favorite things to hear, dont let that stuff get to you okay? I love you, and since i haven't heard you laugh in so long i would definitely tickle you right now, but i might hurt you so, just wait until your bruises are gone" he said with an evil smirk on his face. You whimpered, giggling at the same time, you snuggled into his chest.

He ran his fingers through your dark curly locks, rocking you back and forth, he sung you a lullaby to lull you to sleep. This was one of the only nights were he didn't dream abt Garrett.

This was a good excuse.

+•°+*°•++•°+*°•+

Tags

None :((((((

[hyperfixatedoncrimminalminds]

Matt Simmons X Teen Daughter Reader

Request: 14 year old daughter of matt Simmons, where her and her best friend get kidnapped by the unsub and Matt saves them.

I love it!

B/F/N - Best friend Name

Third person pov...

In the quaint suburban home nestled amidst manicured lawns, 14-year-old

Y/N Simmons, daughter of the esteemed FBI agent Matt Simmons, led a carefree life.

Her laughter filled the house, her adventures with her best friend, B/F/N illuminating her days. However, one fateful evening, their idyllic world shattered.

Currently Y/N sits on the bottom of the stairs tying her shoes, she was planning on meeting her best friend at the park, Matt Simmons walker past her and lent against the banister.

"Have a fun time sweetie, be home by 6 okay?" He tells her, the H/C girl grins as she jumps up. "Yes Dad" she says grinning.

The man rolls his eyes and pulls her in for a hug which was returned, waving her out the door the agent sighs and walks to the living room where his wife was sitting.

Smiling at him she holds her hand out, Matt takes it and sits next to her, Kristy cuddles up next to her husband. "She'll be fine Matt" the man sighs.

"I know but-" "-you worry to much" Matt smiles and kisses her cheek. "I know"

Y/N Simmons giggles as she walks to the park to meet B/F/N. Being a saturday the park was filled with parents and kids playing in the park and outside on the field.

The two girls were excited to see each other, running up to each other they hugged twin smiles on their faces.

"Hey N/N"

"Hey B/F/N"

"Come on N/N!" Giggles B/F/N as she runs off to the seesaw, Y/N right behind her, the two girls plated on the seesaw, swung on the swings trying to see who could go higher.

As they did neither teen noticed a man standing under a tree watching them, the park was filled with Parents and their kids but knowone notices the man.

As he watched the two girls in particular he had a sinister grin on his covered face, he finishes his cigarette and crushes the butt into the earth.

He then walks closer as the two girls wonder away from the park, quickly he catches up with them.

"B/F/N wait for me!" Cries Y/N the H/C girl ran after her best friend who ran into the forest, they loved climbing trees seeing to could climb the highest.

"Hurry up then slowpoke" Giggles the

H/C girl as Y/N caught up with her, she then tackles the other teen to the floor. "Ooof" the two fall to the leaf covered floor laughing.

After a few seconds of laughter Y/N then rolled off the girl and onto the floor next to B/F/N both breathless from laughing so much.

The two then look at each other and end up laughing all over again, suddenly a twig snaps making the two girls jump at the sound, they hadn't noticed anyone following them into the forest.

Slowly and cautiously Y/N sits up from the ground, nervous E/C eyes searched around them, she nudged her best friend to get her to shut up.

As she saw Y/N expression she knew something was wrong, having an FBI agent as a Dad, Y/N has been taught how to protect herself and to observe her surroundings. Slowly the two girls stand up from the ground eyes looking everywhere.

They turn around to go back to the park, as they walk they continued looking around as they did, quickly walking turned into running. The two girls sprint through the forest and back to the park.

Y/N got back to the park first, bursting out from the bushes, she leans into her knees, breathing heavy from running she looked around for B/F/N. "B/F/N? Where are you!" She yells turning around to the forest she just ran out off.

As she did her blood ran cold, a shadowy figure emerged from the darkness, brandishing a gleaming blade. Terror surged through Y/N's veins as she realized their predicament.

The man had B/F/N in his grasp, holding the knife to the young teens neck, his other hand held the girl to his chest making sure she couldn't escape.

Y/Ns stared at them not knowing what to do, tears where falling silently down her friends face the H/C girl shook her head telling Y/N to leave.

"Let her go!" She yells, the man only tightens his grip on the terrified girl he was holding the balde too. "How about no, come with me or she dies?" He laughs as the girls look at each other.

Y/N looks at her best friend, she couldn't leave her with him, she just couldn't. "Alright I'll go, just don't hurt her" she says walking forward back into thr dark forest.

The man began dragging them into the depths of the woods, farther than they'd ever gone before, before she was taken Y/N managed to discreetly drop her favorite hair clip onto the floor, knowing her Dad will recognise it.

As the clock stuck 7pm, Matt Simmons' heart sank as his daughter's usual laughter turned into an eerie void. His instincts screamed that something was amiss.

Y/N was always on time coming home she never misses her cerfew, he had thought she's message before hand but she hadn't. Sitting in the kichen with kristy.

"Somethings wrong" he tells her, his wife instantly agrees. A frantic call to Sarah's parents confirmed his worst fears: both girls were missing.

Y/N's frantic screams echoed through the trees, but her pleas for help were met with silence. The cold grip of the kidnapper tightened around her, sending icy shivers down her spine. Despair threatened to consume her as she feared the worst.

The man had dragged the two girls deep into the forest, they'd never this far into it before. Eventually they came to a dilapidated cabin deep within the woods.

Their kidnapper, a twisted and deranged man, tormented them with threats and violence. Yet, amidst their despair, a flicker of determination burned within them.

Time became his enemy as Matt raced against the clock to find his precious daughter. He rallied his team and delved into the depths of the investigation. Every minute lost was an eternity, and the hope of rescuing Y/N dwindled.

As night fell, Matt led a team of agents into the wilderness, determined to leave no stone unturned. Their search continued relentlessly, their flashlights cutting through the darkness like beacons of hope.

Suddenly, a glimmer of movement caught their attention. Matt holds up his hand making the others stop.

"Wait, do you hear that?" He asks them in the distance, they heard the faint sound of muffled cries. Adrenaline coursing through their veins, they surged forward, their weapons at the ready.

As they approached the cabin, the horrifying reality unfolded before them. Y/N and B/F/N lay huddled together, their bodies bruised and battered.

With lightning-fast precision, Matt and his team stormed the building, subduing the kidnapper and freeing the girls.

Relief streamed down Matt's face as he embraced his daughter and her friend. Y/N squash herself into her Dad arms holding his tightly. "Daddy, I knew you'd come"she cries tears getting his shirt wet.

"Of course I came Baby, I'll always protect you" he tells her hugging both girls tight.

The end!

Hope you liked this, another Matt Simmons one haven't done one for him in ages, sorry for any grammar and Spelling mistakes.

Request are open!

Word count: 1313

[rogueddie]

Robin trying to point out to Steve that he's become an old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn but Steve does'nt care. It's the 90s, and he doesn't know what metrosexual is but he knows he hates it, and if one more kid tries to call him that he's going to lose his mind.

[bhaalsdeepbat]

Astarion Stereotypical Old Man Behavior HCs because the idea has me laughing.

He gets that senior discount. Every. Single. Time. He isn't able to use his five finger discount to rob them blind.

He keeps candies / glucose tabs in his pockets for when he can taste that his partner's blood sugar is low.

When his romance partner needs them to settle down somewhere, he joins a local grandma needleworking club so he can gossip with them. He has ALL the juicy details of what is going on in town. He is also giving them advice that causes chaos across the city.

He is awful with kids but always (sneakily) reverse pickpockets a couple hundred gold in the pockets or Xan, Yenna, and Arabella anytime he runs into them. He will outright deny it if confronted.

He gets a copy of the daily paper in whatever town he's in to fill out their crosswords. He'll find old ones to take on the road. He will sit there in periods of silence that are randomly and loudly interrupted when he reads random crossword questions he can't figure out, unpromted and not even leading it with "hey can you help with this." They just have to know he is asking for help without asking for help.

Writes exclusively in cursive. No one can read it, except Wyll. No, he will not write in print. It's everyone else's problem of they can't read his handwriting.

It could be record heat across Faerûn and Astarion would still be dressed in his warmest clothes and a jacket.

He eats dinner at his night schedule version of 3 P.M. he is very cranky if he misses his dinner time.

He pretends to doze off sometimes, but really he's just done with the conversation and doesn't feel like walking away because he was there first.

Yelling at those damn kids to get off his lawn. They're not even on it he just doesn't want them in the vicinity. They definitely break his windows and the sun singes him a bit.

Going to the park at to play lanceboard, but it's in the middle of the night and it's actually quite terrifying when people just see his eyes reflecting like a cat before getting close enough to see this strange man who is playing lanceboard with some poor fool who has just lost the deed to his house bc Astarion gambles anytime he plays

he does teach a street kid how to swindle people using lanceboard. it's that typical old man/child mentorship but he's teaching this child how to deceive and cheat people out of all of their earthly possessions.

He cannot pass up a good estate sale. It's open permission to enter the estate and start stealing everything good before anyone can grab it.

[kommandonuovidiavoli]

Curious, What do the Rest of the Adult Villians look like in your Teen AU?? Are they Still Villians? Did some of em retired? Are there New Villains inspired by the OG ones??

First of all, thank you! As for the villains, as said here, TND operatives can NOT go against them because that would defeat the whole purpose of KND. They can take over only if no kid operative is available or if the kids are in BIIIIIIG troubles. Only exception is Father, because if he attacks the teens, that's their priority.

Speaking of Father, no one has seen him around for the last year, and even the Delightful Children have been missing from school or anywhere. It was the most peaceful year ever! No one knows what happened to him, except Sector V TND, who were made to swear they would not mention anything. But also, it looks like Nigel was made Code 0010 RED around that time. But as the Delightfuls said, Father seems to be back...

All other enemies are still alive an kicking! Only one who's rumored to be close to retirement is Knightbrace, but nothing's confirmed. KND operatives still fight them all around, they all look the same as they did 7 years before (maybe Mr. Boss has some few new gray hair around...)! STICKYBEARD GOT MARRIED??? WHAT???????????????????????????

Henrietta will have her own post, no worries!

There are new villains that came out in these 7 years. Worth mentioning are:

DudeBro, a big tall college football themed villain who wants kids to play with him but he plays dirty and HARD, and always harms kids! He's really annoying, always wanting to be your BIG BRO (as if they don't already have one to fight...). Can play any sport, has an infinite supply of balls. So far the only sport he hasn't won is dodgeball, and that made Numbuh 4-2 his arch enemy.

Miss Fit, some crazy delusional lady who wants kids to be dressed nice and elegant but her outfits are all ugly, stinky, itchy and just HORRIBLE! Be careful not to ruin your Sunday dress, or she'll appear and make it WORSE! Word has that she was the owner of that "Le Sissie" store and swore revenge on the KND because they ruined her business. Also, she's Father and the Delightfuls' personal tailor (and it shows...).

The Neighbore, he's everyone's neighbor, and he's annoying. An old man always yelling to get off his lawn even if you're NOWHERE close to it. Always telling parents what you did, even if they're lies! His house smells of old people and can appear and disappear next to yours at anytime and no ball or toy that gets inside is seen ever again... or even kids.

[hairmetal666]

The high summer sun glints off the lake, illuminating Eddie's dark curls in a golden shine. He plays Hopper's old acoustic, just noodling around with notes and melodies, while Steve watches, transfixed.

He's so beautiful, Steve thinks, before shaking the thought away. He turns from the man at the end of the dock, looking across the yard of Joyce and Hop's lake house. His two kids tumble across the grass with Max and Lucas's toddler on their heels. Max and El weave flower crowns--well, El weaves and Max makes a mess of petals and leaves. Dustin, Erica, Mike, and Lucas cluster around the solid wood picnic table Hop built, arguing about a new d&d update, while Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan sip glasses of lemonade on the porch. Through the wide, plate glass windows that line the back of the house, Steve watches his wife, Joyce, and Argyle bob and weave through the kitchen, while Hop mans the grill a few feet away on the patio.

He looks back to Eddie, whose fingers have stilled on the guitar strings.

"What's up?" Steve asks. It's been twelve years since Eddie almost died saving the world, and he still goes distant. Still slips out of time to another place, another world, that can be hard for the others to reach.

Not this time, though. Eddie glances up, soft smile on his face, one that's rare enough it makes Steve's heart trip. "Working out how to play something," he says.

There's yelling now, from the picnic table, an actual fight broken out, and Steve laughs. "Think we should get up there before someone gets punched?"

Eddie isn't paying attention, though. His head bent intently over the guitar as he strums out a familiar melody that Steve can't quite place. It's slower, he thinks, than the original.

It's so familiar, watching Eddie play. Back when they lived together in Indy, he used to lose entire afternoons to a shared joint and Eddie practicing. It's always transfixing, the movements of his fingers, the light glinting off the shine of his rings; his intensity and precision.

It hits Steve then, what the song is, isn't something he expected Eddie to ever know. Assumed his interest in any member of Nirvana ended in 1994, that he'd find the Foo Fighters hopelessly lame, but Eddie's eyes flash up to catch Steve's as he starts the chorus.

"And I wonder, when I sing along with you, if everything could ever feel this real forever; if anything could be this good again"

The sun is lower in the sky, casting Eddie in bronze, and god, god he's the most beautiful thing Steve has ever seen. His stomach twists, goosebumps spreading along his arms.

"The only thing I'll ever ask of you, you've got to promise not to stop when I say when, he sang"

The deep chocolate of Eddie's eyes sparkle with softness and care and, and--

Realization hits.

Steve loves him.

"Breath out, so I can breath you in, hold you in"

Has always loved him. Every second, every moment.

His heart trips, doubles. He doesn't understand how he missed it, that it's always been Eddie.

It crashes over him, a cascade of understanding, of unquestioned longing. Years, years have gone by without him recognizing the feelings for what they are. And now, now--

His wife is in the kitchen with Joyce and Argyle, and their two kids play on the lawn with Max and Lucas's toddler.

And he's been hopelessly in love with his best friend since 1986, when he first realized his entire world revolved around Eddie Munson's laugh, the specific smile he gave that brought out his deep set dimples, the softness of his voice at 3am when nightmares drove them both out of bed.

Eddie blinks a few times, looks down, eyelashes casting long shadows against his cheeks. His playing slows, and he ends the song with a crack in his voice as he sings.

"Hello, I've waited here for you, everlong"

The only thing Steve can hear is the pounding of his own heart. He wants--he wants--

The shrieking delight of his children carries down to the lake, his wife's wind chime laugh tinkling just behind.

He doesn't know what to do, what to say, can't stop hearing the way Eddie's voice broke on the last line that wasn't even in the original song, and--

Hopper calls out, "alright you animals, come and get it."

His wife yells, "Steve, come help with the kids?"

He shoves to his feet, yells back, "be right there."

Steve doesn't know what to do, what to say, how to process any of this.

He walks away from Eddie without glancing back.

[nanamiscocksleeve]

oh this is so fun. i’ll bite

obviously jjk is the current hyperfixation so we got so many lining up for the train: satoru, suguru, kento, CHOSO <— massive fucking emphasis on mother fucking choso, aaaaaaand toji.

i feel like choso will explore every last inch, take his time with exploring but the second something touches his cock, he’s busting. satoru and suguru are like tag teaming. high fiving, gonna try n both fit in one hole at once. kento would try to be polite. like my god, why would anyone?? but he lingers long enough until he can’t control himself. and toji just going for it. doesn’t even read a sign, sees this seat is open and takes it

levi from attack on titan. he’s like that’s fucking gross what the hell. but when he’s sure no one else is around he’s going roundssssssssssss. he’ll be at it for awhile. erwin can get it too.

resident evil i need leon kennedy, jill valentine, carlos oliveira, and ada wong. JILL MOST OF ALLLLL but everybody is welcome and would do wonders on me. absurd bioterrorism gonna go down with these bodily fluids

young coriolanus snow from the hunger games prequel………. he has a lot of demons upstairs and ill exorcise them with this puss—💥💥 he’ll be so mean with it

I NEED THE BILLY LOOMIS AND STU MACHER GHOSTFACE SPECIAL!! THE DOUBLE FEATURE WOMBO COMBO!!!!!!!! i don’t care if it gets bloody, they won’t ever forget my favorite scary movie 😤

shane from stardew valley. need that gross, traumatized old man to play into some very bad daddy issues. (i’d fuck any of the bachelors and bachelorettes tbh, but i need that dirty fuck most of all rn)

anyways. how you doing tonight? what’s your favorite color? we really breaking the ice huh😭😅

Hello! Sorry that I was late in getting to this. Such a yummy reply! I love seeing people just break out with all their F/O's. JJK Men, Levi, I had to google some of these people but I can see why you'd want to be their free use!

Not familiar with Shane but damn, I read his Wiki entry and he sounds like a stereotypical grumpy man who's yelling at kids to get off his lawn 😆😆😆

Thanks for playing!

[sootrootdoot]

hi hi 🖤 I LOVE ur jeff au do u have like a summary of his story maybe? Or like little facts and hcs ? 🖤🩶🖤🩶

SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LATE I BURNT OUT but we're back! and I have much more about jeff in my AU of him, so here we go!!

LOTTA TEXT BELOW

Who IS Jeff?

He is 23 years old.

He is tall, prolly taller than you.

He has a large frame.

He is a proxy of Slenderman.

Is he strong? Yes, but most of it comes from his size + proxy powers.

Anemic, Sjögren's syndrome, white leathery skin, chronic open facial wounds, (you know the ones). Lack of facial hair due to reconstructive facial surgery as a kid.

​🇮​❜​🇲​ ​🇳​​🇴​​🇹​ ​🇸​​🇺​​🇷​​🇪​ ​🇮​​🇫​ ​🇮​ ​🇼​​🇦​​🇳​​🇹​ ​🇹​​🇴​ ​🇬​​🇮​​🇻​​🇪​ ​🇭​​🇮​​🇲​ ​🇩​​🇮​​🇦​​🇬​​🇳​​🇴​​🇸​​🇪​​🇸​ ​🇸​​🇴​ ​🇮​❜​🇱​​🇱​ ​🇱​​��​​🇸​​🇹​ ​🇼​​🇭​​🇦​​🇹​ ​🇭​​🇪​ ​🇭​​🇦​​🇸​ ​🇮​​🇳​ ​🇦​​🇨​​🇨​​🇴​​🇷​​🇩​​🇦​​🇳​​🇨​​🇪​ ​🇹​​🇴​ ​🇹​​🇷​​🇦​​🇮​​🇹​​🇸​ ​🇦​​🇳​​🇩​ ​🇧​​🇪​​🇭​​🇦​​🇻​​🇮​​🇴​​🇷​​🇸​.

He has manic episodes that can be triggered by things, events, situations, etc.

Has many traits of ASD, ADHD, and OCD.

He has a comfort object, which is his beloved iconic kitchen knife, the same one that saved him as a kid.

He can be narcissistic at times.

He has personality switches, he's overall unpredictable.

Confrontational, argumentative, will immediately start yelling, inconsiderate usually, self-absorbed, controlling, insane, obsessive, mood swings, violent, apathetic, enigmatic, stubborn, self-righteous, meh.

He is a gamer, but he can't game often because he usually ends up destroying either the controller, the console/computer, or the monitor/screen. And has to bargain tooth and nail to get replacements from Ben.

He's a slob. But he does brush his teeth, gotta have that pretty smile.

His hair being flat at the top with random strands poking out is a byproduct of it being unkempt, and very greasy.. do not recommend smelling his bedsheets. Or breathing when he walks by. Sleep schedule? The fuck is that?

------------- more positive traits

Dogs best friend, he's tolerant of animals.

Loves the Jackass movies.

Man of his word. He's very confident in general.

Prides himself on hunting people, he considers himself just a regular hunter/hunting enthusiast. But.. Y'know.. ;\

He actually carries in that department, the others put up with him a lot of the time because they don't have to pull their weight of kills thanks to him, and Smile, of course. Jeff is a very different person when Smile is around, much more approachable and even a bit more outgoing.

Smile gets away with a lot because of Jeff, like tracking blood and dirt and shit everywhere in the house, being on the couches, etc. But she can be bribed around situations usually with a dog treat.

He's also one of the few bold enough to talk back at authoritive figures like slender himself.

Strong sense of justice, which can either be good or bad. But he sure does act on it.

Love makes him feel the most human, but he also hates sentimental moments, and people in general. Soo good luck with that. Be my guest if you want to torture yourself trying to get past all of his walls.

He don't discriminate, he hates everyone equally <3 He is more in the straight department, but he doesn't really dwell on labels so it's whatever.

If he's into you, that is a whole new side of Jeff you have the privilege of meeting, lucky you! Same goes for if he has a squish. But again he's not one really motivated for friendship.

There's a lot more to be established down the line, but I'll cut it off here for now :) -------

Who WAS Jeff?

He was 12

He lived in the suburbs with a mother, father, and younger brother.

It happened 3 weeks after moving into the new ranch style house on a cul-de-sac.

A 'troubled' kid, prone to outbursts. A loner kids usually pitied.

Jeff The Killer: Stuck by Blood

My alternate JTK origin story! (part one as per the title)

One summer afternoon, one of the neighbors hosted a 'welcome' barbeque in their own front lawn, a few houses down, to which his parents and little brother all attended. But Jeff, being the little loner he was/is, stayed behind in the house, putting clean dishes away as per request of his mother. (he didn't have to do it right then, but he thought he might as well get it over with while the house is quiet.) The front door of his house had a broken screen door, and it being a cool afternoon, the house was left with a few windows open, including the front door. The front screen door was initially slammed shut in a way it would stick if not touched, doing its job of being a bug barrier. However it was not a barrier to the rabid stray husky/wolfdog mix that wandered to the door from behind the house, from the forest. All it took was a little nose bump for the screen door to become unstuck, and creak open enough for it to walk through.

Jeff was wiping off a kitchen knife when he spotted the mangey beast walking into view from the counter. And froze. He wasn't a fool, he knew how dangerous dogs could be. And this one looked like a fucking zombie, foaming at the mouth. The dog lunged and tackled Jeff to the ground, his knife clattering a ways behind him. It's hard to wrestle a dog off of your body when its teeth are clamped onto your face, ripping skin and muscle tissues off where ever it could sink its teeth, hook and then tear. Unwrapping him like he was made of tissue paper. Jeff couldn't even get an arm between its face and his. But before it moved down to his neck, Jeff made a swipe behind him and palmed the handle of the kitchen knife. And he wasted no time putting every adrenaline filled flex of muscle in his body into swinging the blade up under the side of the dog, plunging it all the way in, and twisting it, taking it out, plunging, twisting.. It finally pulled back at the fourth. wailing desperate cries, as it scampered over his and its own blood, scrambling back out the open door and into the veil of the forest. Liu was then moments later sent to check up on Jeff, and upon entering the scene before him, shrieking for dear fucking life, brought their parents, and some neighbors to the scene. They moved here, they came all this way, to start a new. Before the move, he was expelled from his old school, and for being a hell of a bully. But he was ready to change, he was in middle school now, he wanted to turn a new leaf, not be surrounded by eggshells for other people, he wanted to be someone his parents could be proud of, he wanted to be a big brother, looking out for Liu. And oh, he was doing so well. He was passed out, he looked unrecognizable. They did the best they could in the ER and with what facial reconstruction they could afford. They had to do a whole separate one for his eyes. If there was one thing Jeff didn't want to be anymore, going by his past school experience, was feared. But now, it doesn't even matter. It's ruined, he's ruined. His face, and his trust, no one would ever look at him again without an ounce of fear, or pity, or disgust, or some mix of the such. Eventually, school began once again, and it was bitterly how he expected, and now he always was tense, and confused, but so very angry. When he felt eyes on him, when people looked at him with that blank face. It's like he wore a mask of the devil, a mask he could not take off. And he constantly paid the price by the eyes of all who see him, see it. He doesn't need a mirror, he has the faces people make when they see him. Where's his nose? Where're his eyebrows? His eyes are terrifying. What's wrong with his cheeks, his lips?

Don't they realize? Don't they fucking realize how annoying they are? The audacity they all have, to react to something about him out of his control. He was too quick to feel like an outcast because of it, and so, he acted like one, and so, he was treated like one. Prophecy fulfillment, if you will. And his life carried on like this to the age of 14. With only one last reason to keep it all together, his little brother, Liu. Who no matter what looked up to him, seeked his advice, his company, nothing could ever change that. Liu was never scared of Jeff, even when he lashed out at home, he would be the one to bring dinner to his room, talk about his day, convince mom to let him have his phone back early, Liu was a diamond in the rough. Jeff never, ever expected however, to be the subject of abuse from other kids in his own grade. He saw it all one day, while suspended from school for throwing a chair at someone. Liu was standing out front, where the other cul-de-sac kids and himself would wait for the bus. Jeff was busy coming down from an episode, bloody scissors in one hand, the other hand gripping the edge of the counter, he cut his cheeks open, from the corners of his mouth. It wasn't that bad, in the sense that he couldn't really feel it thanks to unrepaired nerve damage. He could feel the way cool air would be on his gums and teeth, even if he closed his mouth. He felt new, in control. He then went to the kitchen to get a first aid kit, he didn't want to bleed all over the house, AGAIN. But something caught his eye from out the window, where he saw the usual group of kids waiting for the bus. First it was yelling. Then, it was shoving. Then, it was going through his backpack, holding him back as two others let its contents spill on the ground. They all wore their hoodies up, were they..... Pretending to be Jeff? Liu was held face to face with one of them, some more talking it would seem, Then it looked like Liu spat in the other boys face. That got a chuckle out of Jeff as he watched from a window. Liu then got punched in the face. Rage. Rage like never before. His eyes locked on the scuffle through the kitchen window, his hand swiped that very knife from the knife block, and in one swift motion left through the front door, slamming shut behind him. His pace was fast, and the bullies had their back turned, except for one.. But it was too late. His eyes shut. And then, they open. But he does not understand what he sees. Or feels, he is in a cold, cold forest, siting against a tree, covered in leaflitter. Even as he slowly rose to his feet, the leaves stayed on him, and he peeled one off of the front of his shirt, ah. Stuck by blood. His own? He calmly takes a moment standing there ignoring the multiple pangs of pain he felt all over his body, recalling the past events albeit difficult. He saw Liu being attacked by other school kids, he went to take care of it. ..Take care of it?

Yes, the knife. Jeff gasps, patting himself down, and realizing his knife was carelessly tucked into his hoodie pocket, it's caked in sticky blood upon taking it out. He starts to remember little things, the feel of the blade pushing deep into the shoulder of another, and then in the chest of another, and another, another.. The sounds of shrieks, sobs, bloody screams and pleas. The smell of iron, and sweat, and crisp autumn morning air. The feeling of nails clawing at your face, neck, wrists, the blows made to your ribs, and legs.. And it was until his brother Liu came between him and one of the last standing bullies, does he stop. He almost shared his fate as well, if the call out of his name didn't snap him out of it. Bolted, a B-line for the tree line, he doesn't know how long he was running but it hurt his feet to stand on them. Before he is able to process any emotion, the world around him became impossibly quiet. Completely silent. As he then felt a presence. --------------------- part 2 later, if dis gets any attention lmao------

[purpleprincessonfyre]

Part One of the story here

Halloween Night Part Two - Belladonna's POV

Belladonna is the OC of @gcthvile

Ships: BellaNora, Ethane

Characters: Belladonna, Eleanor Lane, Liane Felton, @ethan-lensherr , @ask-missparker , @wizzzardofoz (Cole)

"And have fun! We love you and be safe." Liane called as Bella and Nora stepped into the elevator. "Sorry about them, you know what my Mom's like," Bella said as the elevator went down to the street. Nora just chuckled. "It's cute. You should appreciate that more, I wish my Mom was all caring and stuff, instead of just staring at the TV when I talk to her." Nora sighed as the elevator reached the ground.

"Forget about her tonight. You have me. And we...are going to have fun. Your way." Bella finished as Eleanor grinned. "You do love me!" She smiled as they hit the streets, in search of candy as they looked for pumpkins on doorsteps. Nora sniffed when she saw lights off and empty porches. "Amateurs, whatever happened to a little fun?" She huffed as Bella tried scoping out their first house. "Clearly they have no respect for the season and are probably trying to skip to ...Thanksgiving." She muttered, her eyebrows narrowing. "Yeah or Christmas, skippers!" Nora yelled at one of the houses as they finally saw a pumpkin and knocked on the door.

"Trick or Treat!" Nora said brightly as a woman answered the door, raising an eyebrow. "Aren't you a little old for that?" She said as Nora's shoulders dropped. Bella wasn't having that. "Some say the veil between the living and the dead is lifted this night, you must be one of the ghosts who escaped. Now kindly give us our candy." Bella said firmly, looking the woman dead in her eye, gripping her fake knife hard. The woman gulped and offered them the candy bucket and Nora happily grabbed their candy. "Thank you! Happy Halloween!" She crowed as the woman retreated back inside.

"Okay that was awesome, I'm so glad you decided to come along!" Eleanor smiled as they headed for the next house to be greeted by a tired parent. "Trick or Trea- God are you okay?" Nora said, concerned as the woman just handed them the candy. "Fine just fine, but you...you girls look nice, Alice and...Alice?" She said confused. "Am I seeing double?" Nora smiled kindly "No I'm dressed as Alice Kingsleigh, my girlfriend is Alice Liddell, they're different interpretations." The tired mom smiled sleepily. "Cute, I should really go to bed could you pass me my jack o lantern?" She yawned as Bella grabbed the pumpkin off the lawn and handed it to her.

"Thanks. Here take the rest, the other kids took more than their fair share so you can take what's left." She smiled tiredly before going back inside. "That poor woman," Nora sighed as they walked away and saw their next spot, a house so decorated for Halloween you'd think it had appeared out of nowhere. Bella's eyes lit up. "That's our next spot, Nora." She said, grabbing her hand and heading across the street before she could protest. There was a sign outside saying 'Haunted House, make it to the end and win a prize!' Belladonna smiled. This would be easy.

"Bella I don't really do haunted house things, those scare actors freak me out." Eleanor protested as Bella turned to her, still holding the frighteningly realistic knife. "Eleanor, I swear on my life you will be okay if we do this. Okay?" She said, holding out her hand. Nora sighed but took Bella's hand. "Okay." Bella nodded and the two headed into the Haunted House, ready for anything. A few actors jumped out at them, making Nora squeal but Bella pushed on, leading her through the house past ax wielding characters and people dressed as creepy dolls, Nora squeezing her hand tightly.

As they finally reached the end, getting scared one last time, a young man, probably in his early 20s, jumped out grinning. "Hey congratulations! Just head out to the backyard for your prize!" He smiled as Nora smiled back nervously but Bella frowned a little, sensing something was off with his tone. Gripping her knife, she looked at the door and saw something balanced on top. A bucket. As Nora pushed open the door, Bella cried out for her to stop but it was too late.

As the door opened, Nora stepped through and a bucket on top filled with fake blood toppled out all over her, making her scream. The young man and his friends laughed and Belladonna suddenly realised this was a Frat house. She brandished her knife, holding it up to the guy's throat, her eyes dark, shadows curling around her menacingly. "You apologise to my girlfriend and clean her up right now or I'll show you what real blood feels like!" She growled, holding the blade to his neck. "Dude she's got a knife!"

One cried, the boys running for the hills. The young man backed up "I'm- I'm sorry, really, it was just a prank! Look you can have the prize-" "Not to me, to her! Apologize to her!" Belladonna thundered, her eyes now turned black, the shadows encircling the young man as she approached. "Fuck, this chick is crazy, call the cops!" He yelled back to the house before running away as fast as he could. Nora finally found her words again and grabbed Bella's arm. "We need to go- you brought the real knife?" She said, seeing the blade in Bella's hand properly, glinting in the moonlight.

"Relax, I didn't touch him." Bella assured, putting the knife down to help wipe off her face with her pinafore. "Here, those assholes got what they deserved." She said as Nora looked around worried. "Bella, I love you, but we could get in serious trouble for that! They said they would call the cops!" Belladonna scoffed, putting the knife back in her pocket and helping Nora up. "Only if they catch us. Come on, we'll go back to the Tower and clean you off, okay?" She said, taking Nora's sticky hand in hers. "Okay."

"STOP RIGHT THERE, HANDS IN THE AIR!" Blue lights and sirens surrounded the lawn as the two tried to leave the property but got stopped just as they'd been heading home. "HANDS IN THE AIR, BOTH OF YOU!" The officer shouted as both girls raised their hands, one seemingly covered in blood, the other with bloodied hands and dark, dangerous eyes. "EMPTY THAT POCKET MISS! PUT THE KNIFE ON THE GROUND!" The cop yelled as they were surrounded by officers pointing guns at them, Bella retrieved her long, dangerous knife and placed it on the ground.

"Is that blood?" An officer asked as they got closer. "Fake blood! It's fake I swear!" Nora cried, looking terrified. "I can get us out of this, Eleanor. Right now, just say the word-" But Nora stopped her. "No. No more helping. Just let them take us, please Bella. I'd rather get in trouble for this than anything else tonight." Nora said softly, putting her hands on her head as an officer came to put her in handcuffs. Bella's eyes went back to normal as she also complied and let the officers arrest them, barely registering what they were saying as she saw Nora's scared face and just felt guilty.

Later...

"Belladonna...Felton? Eleanor Lane! You've got a visitor!" An officer called as Belladonna looked up inside her cell to see a set of horns and angry purple eyes heading towards her, her father's eyes more disappointed than angry, the face of her Auntie Mia, and several others from the Tower including Cole who gave her the tiniest wink. Liane stepped into the cell, looking so much like her Disney villain character as she approached the girls, hands on her hips. "So, who's going to explain why Officer Caruso here found you carrying a knife and threatening a fraternity?" She asked as Nora hung her head and Bella simply said, "I was defending my girlfriend."

Liane sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Out you come, both of you. You can come home with us tonight Eleanor, you can clean up at the Tower. As for you young lady, we're having a conversation about this when we get home. Understood?" Bella nodded and walked out of the cell with her, reaching out to Nora to hold her hand and squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry for all this. I never wanted to ruin your night." She said as Nora sniffed. "Just...don't bring a real knife Trick or Treating again, cause we had real fun up until then." She sighed.

"I promise. Here." Bella said, handing Eleanor a caramel apple. "Have mine, since your candy was ruined." Nora smiled as they left the precinct. "Thanks Bella. For looking out for me. But next time, try eggs first?" Nora suggested as Cole came up next to them. "Or toilet papering. Just maybe not flaming shit in a bag, that turns into arson fast." Cole commented as Liane slapped him on the arm. "Cole! Don't encourage her!" She retorted, glaring at him as they headed for the various cars. Tonight had definitely been a wild ride.

And there you have it! Feel free to add your POVs of this aftermath, maybe one of your OCs talking to Bella or Eleanor about it, but have fun!

Tags: @jackiequick @gcthvile @blueboirick @aidanxsophxoxo @meiramel @askstevella @ask-starrk @sci-fi-lexcon @the-x-ladiesofnyc @therealdaydreamstark @thechoooooosenone @luna-d-marsh @rickb-chaos @marvelsfavoriteuncle @trulysummersprivate

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'The Bad Batch': Tipping Point

It's pretty darn clear that Doug's love of Daddy Warcrimes runs hard and it runs deep, along with his love for Toaster Strudel and Rex, who is the Daddy of Daddies. So you KNOW this episode made him a happy smiley boy.

For as grumpy and grouchy as 'Pabu' made him (and his extremely weird pairing of Mayday and Phee, which haunts me to this day), the amount of smiley faces and emojis I got in this one was the polar opposite. Or maybe that's because the Crimson Tide lost that day. Who knows.

Onto the Doug commentaries of 'Tipping Point' aka 'THE WRATH OF TOASTER STRUDEL'.

CW: "Call your momma if you wanna read my comments, I guess. Shouldn't the kids be watching that Australian dog show, anyway?"

----

Well, it’s a cloudy gross day in wherever. Is this to remind us that Daddy Rambo and the other two clowns are partying in Daytona while everyone else is suffering? I’m still mad OH HOLY HELL IS THAT JORGE?!

It is Jorge! And oh no it’S BLOND JACKASS’S BROTHER. God damn it, do they only hire the children of the corn to run this damn Empire, what the hell. I hope they’re not going to die, I’m still mad about Sassy Park Ranger.

Okay, they’re going out–woah! What’s this? Space battle? With the old school bloop-bloop noise, that’s great.

WHAT, YES! IT'S TOASTER STRUDEL! AND REX! Wait, no, that’s not Rex–who is that? Oh! It’s Jorge’s cousin, Manny! Hell yeah! And his new best friends he picked up from outside of Miami, no doubt doing some weird survival camp in the Everglades, based on their camo gear and grunts. I’ll call ‘em Trigger and Nutsy, for now. 

RAIN HELLFIRE ON THEM, TOASTER STRUDEL! Pretend it’s yo daddy that left yo convection oven momma!

CLENCH YOUR BUTTHOLE AND BITE THE PILLOW, BLOND JACKASS’S BROTHER, YOU ABOUT TO FEEL THE WRATH OF TOASTER STRUDEL AND HIS TEAM OF FLORIDA MEN. 

Holy SHIT, where has THIS SHOW BEEN?! I feel like a little kid watching Star Wars again! This is awesome! Kick everyone’s ass, Trigger and Nutsy! I mean, Jesus, they’re wiping the floor with them! I almost feel bad for the troopers, but they work for the Empire, shoot ‘em and let God sort ‘em out.

Manny remembered his electric bocce ball, love the guy. Go Toaster Strudel, go! 

Seriously, I could watch Toaster Strudel shoot assholes and take over ships and bark orders at Trigger and Nutsy all day, forget dumpster diving with Church Lady and the gang looking for James Franco’s arm in Utah, THIS IS THE SHOW I WANT TO SEE!

(Hold on, my wife is yelling at me to calm down. I should’ve watched this at work on my phone, but I figured I’d watch it on the TV instead while drinking some Abitas. The last two episodes were not good for my blood pressure. )

10/10 would recommend to chug while watching Copy Paste Bois kill.

“Where are you taking those clones” man, Trigger is FIRED UP, and oh there goes BLOND JACKASS’S BROTHER KILLING HIMSELF ON SCREEN. And look at ol’ Nutsy, saving Jorge and handing him guns! Oh Jorge is so happy to see his militia boo and know his cousin Manny’s got his back. God damn I am smiling so much right now. 

Welp, Toaster Strudel can’t download shit, must be the old Limewire acting up. BLOND JACKASS’S BROTHER was probably downloading porn onto the ship’s mainframe and the FBI caught ‘em in the act. The ship was clearly manned by Millenials. 

Uh oh, Empire’s here! With the music! Seriously, I feel like a kid again screaming at the theater in Lafayette. Toaster Strudel and Jorge’s cousins escape! Go, go, go! My boys, my boys! Go!

Oh, man, Dr. Meat Muffin, I am a happy old man right now. So happy. 

And they’re safe with Sonic Special, she’s getting them drinks and figuring out there’s shit going down in the place. Man, we need more of her and Toaster Strudel. If this is all we are getting from either of them, I’ll find the director’s front lawn and take a dump on it. MORE TOASTER STRUDEL PLEASE 

Back in Daytona. Is it bad this place is starting to piss me off? I don’t CARE how pretty it is, I want people kicking ASS and taking NAMES and taking DUMPS on front lawns. At least Julio’s fishing and having fun. Did he just catch an Asian carp? 

Woah! Ryan-from-Accounting clearly wants to die, as he’s got Little Orphan Blondie behind the wheel of the HMS Search Warrant and she’s flinging them across the sky. His bitch wife Laura must have found the posts online that Church Lady did of her and Ryan-from-Accounting, or maybe he got some extra life insurance. Who knows. 

And there’s TOASTER STRUDEL! I love this bald bastard so much! Look at him hugging Little Orphan Blondie! Talking business with Ryan-from-Accounting! Shaking hands with Daddy Rambo! All after he took down an imperial ship and saved Jorge and his brothers! I bet he even brought some gas station chicken for everyone too! When does HE get his own show?! 

Ryan-from-Accounting takes us to his true love, his Windows computer. Maybe he’ll show us his downloaded copies of that show from Japan with the screaming people and the aliens and no one wears a shirt. 

(You mean Dragonball Z? -Dr MM

I guess? My nephew won’t stop watching it since he lost his job. - Doug) 

That computer loves him more than both Church Lady and his bitch wife Laura combined, I bet. Which is okay, Church Lady’s true love is Sassy Park Ranger, he’ll be back someday.

“When will it be enough?” Oh can it and get a job, Daddy Rambo, don’t knock my boy Toaster Strudel like that. He’s a hard working man. 

Oh man, Ryan-from-Accounting is panicking. Daddy Warcrimes is being held prisoner by weirdos, led by Ryan-from-Accounting’s bitchy stepsister, Beth, and Jimmy-the-Scientist. 

“We don’t leave our own behind.” Why does this feel like a set up and Daddy Rambo is going to leave Ryan-from-Accounting behind at a Circle K or something? 

Man, even coked out of his mind Daddy Warcrimes can take a clutch of folks down. Why do these scenes remind me of that show with Ed Harris and cowboys and robots?

Westworld?

Yeah that. Oh man, Daddy Warcrimes. I like those grey jammies on him. Oh man, it’s torture time. If this goes right back to Daddy Rambo’s gang having a kegger I’m serious, I’m taking a dump on the director’s lawn. 

Now he’s getting lectured by Ryan-from-Accounting’s stepsister, Beth. She hates Ryan-from-Accounting because he has friends and she’s stuck in the 9-to-5 working in a place that looks like it smells like mildew and ass. 

(“Where did you come up with the name Beth?”

“She looks like one, and she only drinks almond milk lattes and is a total bitch to waiters. She introduced Ryan-from-Accounting to his Bitch Wife Laura, they were sorority sisters in Alpha Amma Bitcha”)

Ahhh shoot them all, Daddy Warcrimes! Oh, now there’s gas. Is the Joker going to show up? I need Prince doing the soundtrack now. Will the internet get that reference? Michael Keaton was the best Batman.

Oh shit man no, it’s Jimmy-the-Scientist! I wanted the Joker :( 

What’s going to happen next? Are they going to rescue Daddy Warcrimes?! What’s Stepsister Beth up to?!

(I gave up correcting Doug on Mayday and Phee. Just gave up. - Dr MM) 

[little-annie]

Licorice Ice Cream | Little_Annie

—--

It was just any other Saturday afternoon in the Forest Hills Trailer Park. Dogs barking, kids screaming, some fat drunk guy laid out on his lawn in nothing but suspiciously stained gitch. It was the furthest thing from nice, but it was familiar.

As was the absolutely sweltering trailer that surrounded Eddie as he laid in a puddle of his own sweat on the kitchen floor. It was the coldest surface he could find, what with the AC dead and any fan in the tin can he called home busted.

Much like the drunk laying on his lawn across the dirt road, Eddie was in his gitch, though, his were perfectly clean, thank you very much. Maybe just a wee bit sweaty is all.

Okay. Ick.

Anyways, gist of the story is: It's summer in Indiana and it's fucking hot.

And Eddie's van is broken down because of course it is, so he can't go anywhere that actually has AC until Wayne gets home and it's not like he's fucking going outside to 'catch a nice breeze' in the meantime. No thank you.

So yeah, Uncle Wayne needs to get home.

Which is in hmmm, t-minus 34 minutes and 26 seconds. You know, according to Eddie's watch, because yes, he's counting down the seconds until he can get out of Satan's literal asshole.

Fuck this Indiana heat, man.

Eddie didn't hate it as much when he was a kid; running through the sprinklers, climbing enormous trees, jumping into the algae ridden quarry, but now?

Now, he despises it. He loathes it.

He'd rather saw off his own dick and throw it to the Owlbear's than suffer another day sweating his nonexistent tits off in this trailer.

But

That's ever so slightly fucked up and really, Eddie loves his dick and could never imagine his life without it. He appreciates it. All however many inches of it. Even though some days it likes to say a 'hello' at some very inopportune times.

Like that time Billy Hargrove grabbed the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the lockers.

Or you know literally anytime he actually attended gym class.

Or that one mortifying time he had to get something from Jeff's locker, only to learn Steve Harrington's was directly below it and apparently the man had no concept of personal space. Just said a shy 'scuse me' and dropped to his knees, only to look up at Eddie with pig pretty puppy dog eyes and have the damn audacity to look like that. Fuck. Yeah, Eddie Jr. liked that very much.

Anywho.

He's here, pale, sweaty skin sticking to the lukewarm linoleum and toast crumbs on the kitchen floor, refusing to think about the fact that his Uncle's nasty ass old man feet slap across it every morning when he makes breakfast.

Eddie shudders at the mere thought he was trying to avoid.

Then checks his watch.

32:16 remains

Jesus fuck.

Well, maybe while he's here he can do something productive, like….like count what he can see of his Uncle's coffee mug collection?

Eddie's eyes blur as he wipes sweat from his brow and tries to focus on the ceramics lining the wall across from him.

'CAUTION, be sure BRAIN is engaged before putting MOUTH in gear'

'I'd rather be having a beer!'

'Wyoming. Less people. Less Problems."

'Have a nice poop'

'#1 Dad'

'Life's like a stripper, you can ……

—

Eddie swears he blacked out for a minute because, the next time he opens his eyes, it's to a very amused Uncle Wayne standing above him and a dusty steel toed boot nudging him in the ribs.

Wayne smiles down at him, all sweet with his tobacco stained teeth while he asks, "Wanna go to the mall kid?"

And well, let's just say, if Eddie could move that fast regularly, maybe he wouldn't have had so many 'heart to hearts' with Chief James Hopper over the years about his 'troubled youth' and how it led to his 'drug dealing business.'

Wayne hardly has a chance to suck in a breath after his question before Eddie's barreling down the hall to his room for a change of non-sweaty gitch and clothes.

It's when Eddie's pulling on a pair of black cutoffs that he hears Wayne yell down the hall, "Don't forget pit stick boy! If you've any chance with the men in this town, you least should try not smellin' like Hank's ass!"

Hank being the nearly naked fucker passed out drunk on his lawn across the way.

Eddie can hear Wayne snickering to himself in his old man huff of air way from down the hall as he calls back a laughing, "Fuck you old man!"

Receiving a "Love ya too Ed!" in response.

—

Not twenty minutes later and Eddie finds himself sighing in relief as he enters Starcourt mall. The air's frigid, his skin pricking delightfully into goose flesh with every nonsensical stride he takes.

He has nowhere in mind, purely wandering this cesspool of forced conformity and capitalism for the pure enjoyment of free air conditioning.

Soon enough Wayne finds himself a spot nearest the fountain, a screaming child to his left and a bitchy mother to his right. Though he seems none the wiser as he basks in the delightfulness of cool air around him, tipping his hat low and crossing his hands over his stomach, assuming his position for an apparent public nap.

Crazy old fucker.

Although capitalism is the actual devil and forced conformity is its ugly brother, Eddie can't help but feel the pull in his bones to at least check out the art supply shop.

Sue him. He wants to get more minis to paint for his upcoming campaign.

So that's how Eddie spends his time in the mall. Staring at tiny ceramic figurines, trying to come up with ways he can carve them down or add to them with modelling clay to make them further appear as NPCs from his rapidly building campaign.

Well and if he flirts with the guy behind the counter because he's giving off serious vibes, sue him twice.

It sure didn’t seem like Mr. Blue Eyes With A Pink Hanky in His Left Pocket, minded all that much.

All fluttery lashes and rosie cheeks.

—

The mall's twenty minutes from closing when Eddie goes searching for Wayne.

You'd think it'd be easy to find a 5'11, grumpy looking, old white man wearing blue jeans and a grey t-shirt in an Indiana mall.

Hah.

Yeah only half the population of said mall.

Much to not Eddie's surprise, Wayne had left his original post, probably in search of food, leaving a much rounder middle aged man to take his previous position.

Though they weren't technically father and son, Eddie can see a lot of himself in Wayne. Especially the constantly hungry and always needing to be moving aside from a fifteen minute power nap side of himself.

So, in order to find Wayne, Eddie just thinks of where his 56 year old self would have wandered off to. Food, being the most likely contender.

There's a steak house on the opposite end of the mall where Wayne could have possibly gone for a beer.

A pizza place where Eddie knows they serve Wayne's favourite pie by the slice daily.

A Diner with arguably the second best milkshakes in town, the first being Benny's on highway 6.

And finally, Scoops Ahoy, the most likely of the candidates.

If Eddie were a 56 year old, grumpy fucker, wearing blue jeans and a grey t-shirt, who just got off a 12 hour shift, is sweating his balls off, brought his pain in the ass nephew-son to the mall and just woke up from a fountain-side nap, yeah, he'd probably think about being balls deep in some strawberry ice cream too.

To Scoops Ahoy it is!

Trying not to trip on the ample amount of crotch goblins stomping through the mall, Eddie eventually makes his way to the ice cream shop. Seeing Wayne's salt and pepper hair through the front window amongst many other heads, Eddie opts to grab a seat outside due to the frankly sickening amount of patrons inside.

Not five minutes later does Eddie hear a playful shout of his name come from inside. His head snaps up to see Wayne tapping the glass that'd been facing Eddie's back a second ago. There's a calloused finger waving Eddie in as Wayne continues to speak to him through the glass, "I'm at the till kid, ya want anything?"

Um. Yeah. Does a Wererat shit in subterranean tunnel complexes beneath cities?

(The answer is yes. According to the Dungeons & Dragons 1st Edition Monster Manual.)

When Eddie pops his head into the shop it's not nearly as busy as it was a few minutes ago, most patrons probably grabbing a cone and dipping out before the mall closes.

But, to Eddie's surprise, as he reaches the counter, popping over Wayne's shoulder to take a peek at the menu, he sees the most glorious thing to grace this God forsaken planet.

To say Eddie's heart falls out of his ass in that moment is an understatement.

You see, they haven't been to the mall yet this summer, money's been tight, the weather hasn't been unbearable and they have more important things to spend their cash on.

But today, today is a different story. Eddie's sure he would have died of heat exhaustion had he stayed in that damn trailer any longer and both he and Wayne have been working extra shifts to round up some extra coin.

Coin, that they can spend on ice cream.

Coin, that along with Eddie's heart and jaw hit the floor at the site of Steve fucking Harrington in a sailors costume.

Because you see, if it wasn't for today Eddie would have never had the chance to see this. All five foot, eleven inches of pure American standing like a clip out of Playgirl in probably the sluttiest shorts Eddie has ever seen.

Not to mention the tight ass and chiselled thighs to boot.

Eddie's never believed in God, but after today, you might just find him worshipping at the altar or more likely confessing to father about the things Steve Harrington's bare legs are making him feel.

He's gobsmacked. Absolutely flabbergasted. Downright thunderstruck.

And he's definitely not going to go into detail about where his mind has wandered to in the moments he's begun to drool down his chin and hear "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner play in the background of his preoccupied pea brain.

"Ed."

"Son"

Oh shit.

"Huh?" He gulps, wiping his chin with the bottom half of his copped tank, eyes trying to refocus on the menu and not the Adonis standing with his gams out mere feet away.

"Steve here was asking if you wanted anything."

Eddie grits his teeth and blurts the first thing his eyes land on, "Licorice."

"Cup or cone?" Steve asks sweetly like Eddie's not having to fight off a stiffy by repeating 'dead puppies, Vietnam War, Wayne's had sex before,' like an anti public boner mantra.

"He'll have a cone." Wayne answers for him while crouching to pick up the change Eddie had dropped earlier, pinching his nephew's pale ankle in the process in hopes of bringing him back to life.

"Yep." Eddie agrees dumbly, voice nearly cracking with nerves.

And then for a moment it's definitely worse because fucking Steve 'Ass Sculpted by Michelangelo' Harrington turns around and bends over. Eddie's surprised he doesn't have a coronary. Or his eyes bulge out of his skull. Or he just like, fucking, fuck, he doesn't know, spontaneously combusts or some shit.

What the fuck is life right now?

Then he hears that old man huff of a laugh off to his left. Uncle Wayne.

Eddie's neck nearly breaks at the speed he turns his head to meet the sly smirk of his old man. He's never stared daggers so intensely into Wayne's soul as he is now.

All fire and brimstone and death and 'Jesus christ shut up old man.'

But Wayne continues to huff like the bastard he is.

Fucker.

But like, Eddie still loves him and is eternally grateful for everything the man has done and sacrificed for him over the years, even as he flips him off while the man continues to laugh.

Then there's Steve's buttery smooth voice that breaks him out of his death stare, "Will that be everything?"

Eddie just stares as his eyes finally meet Steve's, or well, actually his lips, but close enough.

God they look good, pink and plush, kissable, fuckable, come-on-able. Oof, Jesus he needs to get out of here.

Eddie's dick twitches behind his denim at the thought and before he can even grab his ice cream, he's fucking hightailing it out of there like a weirdo and squeaking out a pathetic excuse of a "thanks."

A whole minute later Wayne finds Eddie sitting on a bench out of view from the ice cream shop windows, pouting, lip out, brows furrowed and arms crossed. He joins him with a shit eating grin as he chuckles, "The Harrington boy huh?"

"No." Eddie answers defensively and rather quickly, not bothering to spare Wayne a glace.

It's quiet for a moment, then Eddie hears Wayne from beside him, "Didn't know you liked Licorice."

Eddie huffs, taking the cone from Wayne's grasp with a grumbled, "I don't."

[thdramas2]

Sometimes I feel bad about blocking people who seem, um, overly excitable. Lots of different colors on their profile and not in a good way. LOTS OF CAPS. Ran-dumb humor. I just find them kind of irritating but I feel bad because they're usually minors. Most of us were excitable kids at one point and it makes me feel like an old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn.

you are now dubbed "old man anon"

[bloodkrieg21]

I just had an idea

Old man barbarian who is just a cranky old man who yells at kids to get off his lawn. You know the classic

But he is an elf

So this elf twink that looks like he is in his twenties flies into a mad rage after someone makes a boomer joke.

Constantly saying that he is to old for this and every one just thinks that he is some noble basted who hasn’t worked a day in his life.

[mwabledrable]

Survivors Instinct

Chapter Two: A Day in the Life

Pairings: Eventual Daryl Dixion x (OC) Julianna Rhodes

Summary: The quarry has become a refuge for Julie and the kids, it provided everything they needed to survive. But it also became the home to many other survivors that tried getting into Atlanta, a routine is established and life is getting back to normal, well, as normal as it can get.

Warnings: Curses, gore, children

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."

-Oscar Wilde

"Sit Still," Kara mumbled looking up from the bottle that was feeding the thirteen-month year old toddler broth. Julianna had Catherine in between her legs as she braided her hair. Julianna liked to keep the girl's hair up and out of the way in order to keep the dead ones from grabbing them by their hair, she did the same for herself.

"I'm trying!" Catherine groaned, looking at Kate. "But it tickles."

Julianna chuckled as Catherine wiggled in her seat. Carter, the thirteen-month toddler, begins to giggle as Kara makes silly faces at her, "But it'll keep you safe, Cath."

Julianna hummed in agreement, ever since she found the five kids in a school near Atlanta, Julianna had promised herself to do everything in her power to protect them.

"Kids!" Lori yelled, Carl and Sophia already next to her, "Time for chores." Julianna nodded her head to the girls, encouraging them to go on and do their chores. The end of the world and the kids are still doing the chores, Julie thought it was unnecessary, the dead are walking around and eating people, but the children are doing chores instead of learning to defend themselves.

Not her children. No, they are learning to use knives, they are learning to punch and kick. She is going to teach those kids under her care to survive.

Julianna stood, dusting her bum off and made her way to her campsite. When the radio started to make static. "Hello. Hello. Can anybody hear my voice?"

Amy, who had been keeping herself busy by collecting firewood, dropping the bundle to the ground to race towards the radio. Dale jumped up from his lawn chair to help as the ground all turned their attention to the only outside voice they'd heard in a long time come through the speakers. Amy grabbed the receiver, trying to contact the man. The man asked if Amy could hear him to which she replied the affirmative but as he kept talking it became obvious he couldn't hear her even though she could hear him.

"If anybody reads, please respond. Broadcasting on the Emergency channel. Will be approaching Atlanta on highway 85. If anybody reads, please respond."

Julianna shook her head. Atlanta was a death trap and he was heading right for it. Amy cursed at the lack of response from the man.

"He couldn't hear me," she directed up at Dale at her side. "I couldn't warn him."

"Try to raise him again," Dale instructed. Lindsey left Carl's side, walking to Amy and Dale at the radio. "Come on, son, you know best how to work this thing." Shane dropped his axe blade down onto the stump, Amy jumping at how close it had come to chopping the radio in half. Shane took the receiver and tried his hand at contacting the mystery man.

"Hello, hello. Is the person who called still on the air?" He let go to wait for a response. "This is Officer Shane Walsh broadcasting to person unknown. Please respond." Nothing again. Shane set the receiver down. "He's gone."

Lori looked around for an instant.

"There are other. It's not just us." There was no doubt other camps and other groups of survivors. But it was no telling how far or how many there were. Supplied were running on the lower side as it was.

"We knew there would be, right? That's why we left the C.B on." Shane nodded to it. 

"I've been saying for a week we ought to put signs up on 85 to warn people away from the city." She had said and Julianna agreed with her 100%.

"Folks got no idea what they're getting into," Amy joined the side of her friends.

"Well," Shane sighed. "We haven't had the time."

"I think we need to make time," Lori pushed. The more people that would go into the city and get killed because they hadn't put up signs whittled away at Julianna's patience.

"Yeah, that- that's a luxury we can't afford." Shane scratched at his growing beard. Julianna shuffled away from the radio, closer to her girls and boy and the rv because she wanted anything but to stand right in the middle of an argument. "We are surviving here. We are day to day."

"And who the hell would you propose we send?" Dale asked the real questions.

"I'll go," Lori volunteered. "Give me a vehicle."

"Nobody goes anywhere alone. You know that," Shane reminded them exasperatedly. It was always an argument, always a squabble.

"She wouldn't be," Julianna cut in, defending her friend. There wasn't any way she was going to let her go alone even if it meant she'd go too.

"Really?" Shane scoffed. "You'd never held a gun before all of this, let alone shot one." Julianna kept her mouth sealed shut.

If only Shane had any idea what Julianna was capable of.