#old enough to remember a time before the internet and young enough to have entered adulthood circa 9/11

[patricia-taxxon]

I want to address what’s being said about me regarding my behavior as a teenager, because some of it is true. However, more of it is greatly distorted, and some of it is false. I won’t be reproducing the video that was made about me, the creator has acknowledged the misinformation present in it & has unlisted it, willingly ceding ground for me to give my own testimony. Some of it will require me to admit to things I am still ashamed of, some of it will require me to revisit a traumatic time in my life that I have mostly blocked out. The short version is that I believe I was being groomed at the same time and in the same place as many of the people who came out against me, and my ultimate goal is to find solidarity with those people and begin the healing process. 

When I was 18, and just beginning to accrue an audience, I created a discord server. For a lot of external reasons, mainly spending my entire life up until this point being shuttled around different special ed schools, this ended up being the first real social circle I ever had. It represented the first positive attention I ever received from strangers. It’s a time where I made a lot of mistakes, it’s a time where I was gravely vulnerable. In all honesty, I was too young to manage a community of any kind, I was hot off the back of being desensitized in my adolescence by unrestricted access to early 2010s internet. I knew well enough to create special NSFW rooms, and was advised later to create further division by requiring users to self-apply for a special NSFW role to access those rooms This extra layer meant that the rooms wouldn’t even show up for people who didn’t have the role, which led to some believing they didn’t exist. 

However, I did not intuitively understand the “meaning” of sexual content, I didn’t understand the baggage that came with it. I used cropped fetish porn as emotes and indiscriminately showed the source to anyone who asked, sometimes outside of the NSFW rooms, because I found niche fetishes to be amusing, and since it was “funny” and not “sexy” it didn’t have to mean anything. The worst consequence of this happened when I was first formulating the ideas for my video about youtuber Rags, and I discovered that his youtube avatar was cropped from a NSFW image he had commissioned of his feral dog fursona. I sent this image to just about anyone who seemed interested, and this included a then 13 year old. I’m going to apologize just like I did when this first came out, but I will not be pressured as I was then into assuming predatory intent in myself. I’m not making excuses when I say that I had been a legal adult for under a year and thought of it as just an interaction between two teenagers, a kind of interaction I had with many of my friends (and some adults) before I turned 18. It was a misunderstanding, *and* I hurt you, and I’m deeply deeply sorry. 

There were some moderators besides myself, two were teenagers around my age, early adopters of the server who I felt I’d become friends with. One was a woman in her late twenties, who I won’t name simply because I’m not in the business of offloading my misery onto other people, but she knows who she is. She contacted me with a shower of attention & adoration, she left positive reviews for my albums when she noticed I was upset at their critical reception, she oversaw me as I posted my nudes in that server and later on my main twitter account. She encouraged this behavior in myself and others and participated in it too.

I want to make this clear, the bulk of the allegations against me boil down to punishing me for failing to surmise I was being exploited by the first social group I ever had. I jerked off in voice chats. I remember the day I started, I was surrounded by people older than me who were encouraging me to post my first nude pic in the self-nsfw channel, and I had to get hard for them first. I then considered this normal and did it often. At one point a 15 year old entered the room while I was doing it, and I went quiet until she left. I reconvened with this 15 year old recently, and she told me she only remembers being promptly told to leave. The claim that I “regularly jerked off in voice chat with minors” as if it were an orchestrated and habitual activity is an outright falsehood.  

I remember posting my nudes on twitter in a fevered haze of dissociation and dysphoria after being goaded by other users in my discord server. I remember doing it again and again, so that it could maybe eventually feel normal. I was 18, going on 19. I had twenty to thirty thousand subscribers, I was hot off the heels of being given 150 bucks for making thirty minutes of music for a much bigger youtuber. There are others who were in that server who were similarly exploited, and I am not here to contradict those testimonies, but I was uniquely denied the ability to understand what had happened to me as grooming, because I was technically of age and I had the very beginnings of a youtube audience. However, 20k subs didn’t give me more power than someone over ten years my senior. 

I was groomed, and just as I was beginning to understand what happened to me, the shame threatening to overtake me completely, I was slapped with the supposed news that I was the sole perpetrator of the entire situation that traumatized me so, that what I thought of as my first friend group all remembered me as a loathsome creep. The apology I wrote in abject panic was dissected and used as a cudgel against me in police-interrogation fashion, so I became afraid to say anything. A year and a half later, I made a post saying that I had been “groomed by a portion of my audience” and this immediately provoked a youtube video callout. I feel as if I have been beaten into silence and complicity, unable to form thoughts of my own regarding my experience. I am terrified, right now, writing this story that I firmly believe no one on earth will buy, because I have come to routinely doubt my own testimony.

Some accusations being made of me are so foreign that I have trouble piecing together what it could be referring to. I commissioned a NSFW size difference piece from dramamine, one where my lover is 11 feet tall, and I was pre transition at the time so I wanted a flat chest to help me feel feminine in my current body. It was wrongly tagged as “cub” (furry child porn) on E621, which I vocally protested at the time. This is the only thing I could point to as evidence for the claim that I commissioned cub porn of myself. I do not know how to convey the feeling of being flooded by accusations that require me to ponder what it could even be referring to, or to see my accuser insist that she’s receiving dozens of new horrible scoops on me without being able to see exactly what it is or what happened. I’m open to apologizing personally to anyone I ended up hurting in my adolescence who reaches out to me, I was a victim of grooming let off into a public space with a few thousand followers after all, but I’m not apologizing on behalf of people who might have heard something bad about me.

I am going to restate, my accuser has *of her own volition* unlisted the offending video & understands the misinformation she spread, there is nothing to gain from seeking her out and letting her know your opinion on the situation. I waited until this agreement was reached to make any statement at all for this exact reason. 

I am staying offline for about a day after posting this, I am under a lot of pressure, I am very tired.

[heycrymeariver]

five and many more: a timeline summary

(For legal reasons, all of this is alleged.)

Ref. links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

1984, is the first time Neil Gaiman released a book. 

In 1985, he got married and started his career as a comic book writer and in 1986, he assaulted Julia Hobsbawm.

This took place in Chalk Farm, London, where he forcibly kissed her and shoved her down on the sofa at her own studio flat before she escaped. According to The Crown Prosecution Service, “sexual assault is where one person intentionally touches another person sexually without their consent. The touching can be done with any part of the body or with an object.” In her own words, she described it as “an aggressive, unwanted pass” and that she still remembers it even now. 

Through 1987 and 2002 he progressed his career and published the famous book Coraline. A new year happens and he is in his early-forties and is thriving off of the success of his several money-making works, at a book signing event in Sarasota, Florida. There he hits it off with a young 18 year old (K) and they start dating. Two years later, in 2005, with two more awards under his belt, he forcibly penetrated that young twenty year old who told him not to because of a painful infection.

After another two years, he and his first wife divorced.

It's 2012, five years later and one year into a new marriage and at another book signing, Neil, age 52, immediately assaulted Claire (pseudonym) with a non-consensual kiss. Throughout keeping contact Neil had escalated this with video and phone calls that had a heavy sexual connotation where he appeared to either be naked or tried to instigate something. All of this accumulated into sexually assaulting her on a tour bus. Neil’s contact with her lasted until 2014 where he had promptly accused her in a text message that she had used him for sex.

Within the same year, Neil had enough money to buy a property, and met Caroline Wallner, 55, and her at-the time current husband. With a deal to do odd jobs for Neil and his wife to live there until she could own a five-acre plot, it wasn’t long before things turned sour. A divorce in 2017 sent everything spiraling, with her former husband fired, she in a once financially stable position, was now completely dependent on Neil Gaiman who used that to his advantage. Using her lack of financial stability to get himself sexual favors, he coerced her into a sexual-only, notably uninformed BDSM-entering territory while she was emotionally vulnerable, not accepting denials. This lasted until the summer of 2021, and in December of that year she and him went to court, what awaited her was $275k of compensation and a non-disclosure agreement (nda).

It wouldn’t take long for another woman to experience Neil Gaiman’s repeated offenses as well because in February of 2022, Scarlett (a pseudonym), age 23, a newly hired nanny, was sexually assaulted in the bathtub at his house. Neil, age 61, climbed into the bathtub with her and coerced her into having sexual relations. He too, in his coercion of her, made her financially dependent on him and brought BDSM elements to an inexperienced young woman who could not say no.

Since July 3rd of this year, 2024, five women have come out with sexual assault allegations aimed at Neil Gaiman. They all have several things in common with each other: either being young and naive, a fan of his, or put in a vulnerable spot financially or emotionally. Throughout the years and according to the stories, Neil progressively gets more bold and aggressive in his attempts for sexual gain. There are many more stories out there and whispers on the internet of how predatory Neil Gaiman has been in the industry. However, focusing on the five women who came out to speak and pushing their voice is an important part of the discussion.

Staying silent will only protect his peace.

(If you want to help keep this topic alive, please check out this post by @taraljc to see what steps you can take.)

[mygayshortstories]

Back before the days of the internet, when I was in my mid 20s, this was my first experience at “cottaging” in a public toilet, when I happened across Steve, a gorgeous 18 year-old, just ravenous for sex. But this turned into more than just a 'quick one'.....

Steve the Pipe-Fitter 

I had a day off from work and had gone out to Coventry to photograph the Cathedral, only to be met with a ‘no photography’ sign at the door, so I’d spent the rest of the morning taking candid photos of nice young men out in the sun instead. A bit frustrated, I got back to town about 2 o’clock.

Just under the pedestrian ramp leading out of the railway station were the public toilets.  I had heard about ‘cottaging’ and knew that this lavatory, being busy and anonymous, was such a place, so whether or not my subconscious was drawing me there today I don’t know but when I actually went down there, it was to pay a genuine call, so I duly paid and went into a cubicle.

The partitions between the cubicles didn’t quite reach the ground, so there was a gap underneath of about 6 inches. After a while, my curiosity got the better of me. Although I had never done it before, I knelt down on the floor and looked underneath. To my naïve surprise, a few cubicles away, a face was looking back in my direction. My reaction was instantaneous; I sat up quickly. However, my reaction had been so swift that I hadn’t had time to see who it was or what he looked like. For some reason though, I couldn’t pluck up enough courage to look again. I just sat there.

A short while later, I saw a young pair of shoes, at the end of jean-clad legs, enter the cubicle next door. I say ‘young’ because the shoes were new and smart, with a brass toe-strip, fashionable at the time. Clearly it was someone fairly young; probably no older than me, at any rate. He seemed to sit down but then do nothing else. I was curious and couldn’t resist the temptation, so I wrote on a piece of toilet paper, “How old?” and slipped it under the partition. The note was quickly taken up and was shortly followed by the sound of a match being struck. At first, I thought he was burning the note in disgust but then I realized that he was using the match to write with.

The note came back; “18” it read. I drew a rather deep breath. Now what?

I returned the note; “I’m 26 – can I wank you off?”  I remember thinking at the time that punctuation was probably superfluous under the circumstances and that a fairly basic vocabulary was more apt.

Another match was struck on the other side and the note came back, “Lend me your pen”. I realised that he must have seen my stainless-steel biro when I had slipped the message under the partition and I wasn’t yet ready to risk losing one of my 21st Birthday presents. As I had nothing else to write with, I returned the note saying, “No – you’ll nick it” and indicated that he should continue using a match.

There was now a bit of a delay and I figured I must have blown my chances. At best, he didn’t have any more matches. “And all for the sake of losing a stainless-steel biro!” I thought to myself as I sat there.

However, to my surprise, eventually another note came back giving his approval to my original request, provided that I agreed to “suck him off”.  Needless to say, I immediately indicated agreement and told him, “Unlock when ready”.  I flushed the toilet and opened the door.

As I emerged from the cubicle, I then thought, “What do I do if he doesn’t unlock the door and just leaves me standing there like an idiot trying to get in?” It was pretty busy outside, with people coming and going, people washing their hands or waiting for a cubicle and some even hanging around at the urinals. They may or may not have known what was going on but I knew I had to risk it and be quick about it. As I turned, I saw his lock click to ‘vacant’ and I pretended to put in a coin and entered the cubicle.

On reflection, my hasty action deserved to lead me into serious trouble but my limited experience knew no better. I don’t know who I really expected to find inside but for a start he hadn’t lied about his age. He was a fraction taller than me, lightly built with short dark hair and wearing blue denim jeans and a black leather bomber-jacket over a plain white ‘T’ shirt. But what struck me so overwhelmingly was his incredibly beautiful face. He had blue-grey eyes and soft boyish features, so clean-shaven that he looked almost as if he had never shaved and never needed to. I could hardly believe my eyes how gorgeous he was.

He also must have been reasonably pleased with me because, instead of just offering me his cock to suck, we both feverishly began undressing each other. We didn’t get far though, before we were both embracing, hugging each other tightly. This first embrace said so much without words and it seemed to last for ages; he pressed his whole body to me, burying his face against my neck, hugging me and kissing my neck. He smelt nice too; he was clearly wearing after-shave or cologne of some kind. Whatever it was, it was doing its job perfectly and I was almost overwhelmed. At best, on entering the cubicle, I had expected - I had hoped – for an ‘ordinary’ young man (like me) who wanted quick, impersonal sex but nothing had prepared me for this situation. He wanted – he deserved – far more than just a quick wank, that much was certain. Looking into those glistening blue-grey eyes, set beneath luxuriant dark eyebrows, I just cradled his face in my hands and gently kissed him on the lips.

At this point, I must have realised the danger we were both in; two men in a public toilet, half undressed and one of us under 21. I felt I had to get him out of there to somewhere safer – and a little more romantic. I whispered into his ear,

“You’re so gorgeous; what on earth are you doing here?”

He merely hugged me all the more tightly and then he kissed me for the first time; not a peck or anything half-hearted but a full-blown, sloppy kiss. Oh heavens!  His lips tasted simply delicious! Memories came flooding back of an 18 year-old boy-friend I had a few years back, as I began to melt against him. Again, I whispered to him,

“I can’t bear the thought of you being caught here. Can I take you back to my place? It’s not too far and it’ll be safer there.”

Much to my surprise, he readily agreed, just as we noticed someone spying on us from under the partition with the next cubicle. It was that face again – the one I had seen looking back at me under the partitions - only this time, he was right next door and had already noticed two pairs of feet where there should be only one.

My newly discovered treasure left the cubicle first, flushing the toilet for effect, and I followed after a moment or two. When I emerged at the top of the steps, I thought that I had lost him and that he had run off, but then I caught a glimpse of him disappearing into a telephone kiosk. I still wasn’t sure whether he was trying to avoid me but I briskly walked up to the kiosk and when he saw me, he came out. As we walked away together, he seemed more on edge than I had expected and he was nervously looking around at the people about us.

As we walked on, I managed to ascertain that his name was Steve and that he was, of all things, a pipe-fitter. To this day, I don't know if he was having me on and it was some kind of jok on his part but without warning, he suddenly hustled me in front of a queue and onto a bus. Rather taken by surprise, I fumbled for the fare he had paid and followed him upstairs to where he was sitting, looking intently out of the window. He then told me that we had been followed from the toilet and he pointed to a middle-aged, rather scruffy looking man in the crowd who I remember seeing earlier, loitering in the public toilet. It was ‘The Face’ from under the partitions again!

We stayed on the bus as it went around the City Centre; meanwhile, he sat there, pressing his leg firmly against mine. Even through my jeans, I could feel the warmth of his leg and this tenuous connection of our bodies passed an electric sexuality between us that was getting me highly aroused! The blood was pumping through my cock, tightly crushed inside my briefs, and there was an uncomfortable dampness developing in my groin as pre-cum oozed into my underwear as we sat there, our jean-clad thighs pressed warmly together.

By the time we reached the Town Hall, he seemed to be less nervous. We had lost our follower, so we changed buses and headed to my place. On the way, I tried to make ‘small talk’ and he responded chattily. He had a gorgeous Liverpool accent but said he lived locally. I learned that he had left his parents in Liverpool to find work and that he shared a flat not far from where I now lived, so he didn’t feel that he was heading into totally strange parts. The short walk from the bus seemed to take ages; my heart was beating fast and it was thumping into my throat. I was nervous that we might meet someone I knew; what would I say? But as it happened, we didn’t pass anyone.

He seemed impressed when I showed him into my flat and immediately asked how much it cost. Typical of a Liverpool ‘Lad’, I thought; winningly engaging but always straight to the point. I took his leather bomber-jacket, gave him a Coke and sat down on the couch, patting the seat next to me, indicating for him to sit beside me, which he did. As I put my arm around him, he responded straight away by doing the same and by snuggling up to me affectionately. I stroked his face and again told him how beautiful he was.

“Thank you,” he said with a coy grin. He seemed genuinely flattered.

As I moved to kiss him, he turned toward me and our lips met for the second time in a kiss of such tenderness, quite unlike anything you could imagine from an 18 year-old. His lips were full and his mouth tasted slightly of mint, as our passions roused and our tongues entwined. I began to realise that he may have been 18 but he was no novice. He certainly knew how to kiss, that’s for sure!

Eagerly, he following me into the bedroom, where I drew the curtains and closed the door. In the semi-darkness, we embraced again but this time, unlike in the toilet cubicle, we were safe and secure from prying eyes. Our whole bodies now pressing together, we kissed and hugged. He began to unbutton my shirt as I removed his t-shirt, revealing soft tanned arms and a strong chest delicately peppered with tiny hairs. Again we hugged, but this time our skins touched for the first time and passed bodily warmth between us. Feverishly, I unzipped his flies and unbuckled his belt but by now, we were both so desperate to get into bed that we both just dropped our jeans and almost leapt into bed, still wearing our underpants.

Under the covers, we fell against each other, skin against skin, and I felt the warm hardness of his organ against mine through our underwear.  Soon, however, the underwear was gone and we were fully naked, entwined, hugging and kissing in a heat of frantic passion. I could feel his organ, large and full, between our stomachs as I lay on top of him and he began thrusting upwards to me.

Looking back from today’s world of the internet and ‘porn on tap’, it’s difficult to explain but all this excitement simply proved too much for me and his eagerness tipped me over the edge; all my pent-up sexual frustrations rose within me and I came uncontrollably against his stomach and erect cock, hugging and pressing myself to him. As I clung to him, my orgasm enveloped my whole body, as my semen gushed uncontrollably in pulses between us.

I was mortified. While I did not count myself as promiscuous, I had ‘been around the block a few times’, so this sort of thing was not supposed to happen to me and I was embarrassed. I thought I had blown my chances and it was all over. Light-heartedly, I apologized and quickly mopped up the mess, as I didn’t want to disappoint him. But there was no fear of that; he rolled me onto my back and knelt astride me, holding his throbbing penis in my face, foreskin already drawn back in anticipation. Evidently, he hadn’t forgotten our bargain back in the public toilet!

I too had no intention of breaking our ‘contract’, so I eagerly took his throbbing tool in my mouth and began sucking and playing with it. He loved it. We rolled about in a number of positions, with me sucking him and tickling and licking his testicles; and him thoroughly reveling in it. But I had to keep resting my jaw; it was beginning to ache and juices were everywhere; he was a big lad for one so slightly built.

 “I’m a good stayer,” he joked, and he certainly was. I wasn’t about to give up either; he was 18, beautiful - and all mine. 

But eventually, I felt the tell-tale signs; now on his back again with me crouched between his baby-soft thighs, his organ in my mouth and gripped in my hand, his breathing suddenly changed and he began gasping and shuddering. Don’t you simply love that moment when a young man loses all self-control just before he cums? With a deep, hard gasp, he exploded into my mouth 3 or 4 times, great gushes of salty cum coursing through his organ and filling my mouth.

Some guys (girls too, I suppose) don’t like the taste of a guy’s cum, so they either spit it out or let it dribble back out of their mouth. For me though, the whole experience is a very personal one and while I don’t much like the taste, I feel that swallowing it increases that connection; it creates an even deeper bond between the ‘giver’ and the ‘receiver’. Besides which, having a man’s cum permanently inside me is very satisfying; at least it is for me, at any rate!  Consequently, as his throbbing cock subsided, I swallowed all of his slimy, slithery juices. His body then relaxing and exhausted, he breathed heavily.

“Jeez, I needed that!” he said, as we collapsed into each other’s arms, once again hugging and kissing.

At this point, I thought he would want to leave, his passion satisfied; but he hadn’t had enough, it seemed. We continued laying together, caressing and stroking, hugging and kissing, rolling about in loving passion the likes of which I had not felt in a long while. Occasionally, we would rest and just lay still in each other’s arms, softly talking, only to return to the hugging and kissing with renewed vitality. I complimented him on how passionate a lover he was. He liked that.

I said, “You’re not shy either, are you”, and he looked at me, slightly surprised, and replied, “No”, as if it had never occurred to him.

As we still lay entwined, without any warning he then said,

“Well, can I stick it up you then?”

Although the abruptness of his request came as something of a surprise, it was by no means out of character. He was direct and to the point. But I saw this as an opportunity, so in an attempt to persuade him to meet me again, I said I thought maybe we should keep that for another time. He didn’t seem to mind, except that now we began exploring each other’s bottoms.

As I played my finger around his anus, I realised that this was one of his weak spots, as it was mine in fact. He began groaning and he clasped my hand, pressing my finger into him. With the aid of a little lube, I began to finger-fuck him, massaging his prostate while he writhed about, groaning in ecstasy. For a few moments, I had his entire body sensations under my control (again) and I sensed he was going to let go again. I felt tremendous. But he had other ideas still in his mind because he gently pushed me away, grabbing the lube and following my example. Now he was the one who had me under his control and my mind soon changed regarding his request to screw me! He rolled me over and took charge.

I asked him to take it gently – he was only young and I wasn’t sure how desperate he might be. But I need have had no fears. As I lay on my front over a pillow, face to one side and one knee raised, he lubricated his now throbbing organ and my aching anus. He entered me just a little at a time, pausing when I asked, allowing me to relax. He wasn’t particularly well-endowed, as if that mattered, but he was fairly narrow too, so I was able to accommodate him with very little discomfort. However, his cock was quite long and it was terrific to feel his slender organ sliding smoothly in and out, upwards and inwards, rhythmically inside me, as he lay against my back with his arms firmly clasped around me. It was sheer bliss.

Eventually, he began thrusting in earnest, almost withdrawing in between his full, hard thrusts into me. In fact, he slipped out twice and got a bit flustered at nearly losing it – he was obviously getting near to his climax. I calmed him as he entered again easily, softly encouraging him to continue, and he began thrusting again, now desperately. As I felt his rhythm change, he thrust once or twice really hard into me as far as he could go and, reaching his climax, he grasped both my hands on the pillow and buried his face against my neck. I could feel him holding his breath, as he held absolutely still for a second or two; and then I felt his organ pulsing high inside me – 2, 3, 4, 5 times he came into me, my insides warmed by the love fluid flowing into me. Then he let out a gasp and I felt him relax his frantic grip of me, as he just lay there on top of me, his tool still slowly throbbing the last of his orgasm inside me.

Exhausted, his tool slipped out of me as he still lay against my back, sighing and breathing heavily. I sighed too – frankly, I had never had it so good!  As we rolled over into each other’s arms once again, I told him so and he was justly flattered. We must have rolled about kissing and embracing for quite some time until he finally asked if I had cum when he screwed me. I told him I hadn’t, although I had been pretty close, and to my utter amazement, he said,

“Right, well it’s your turn then – I’ll do you a blow job” and with the words, “Let me at it!” he climbed over in-between my legs and began passionately sucking my still hard penis and tickling my testicles with his fingers.

Frankly, I was speechless; this 18 year-old fantasy had just had two quite tremendous orgasms in the space and he was still as excited and, what’s more, he was interested in me. I wasn’t expecting any more than I had already experienced but I was ready for anything he was prepared to offer and I was enjoying every precious moment.

He didn’t move up and down on me much; instead, he teased me with his mouth and tongue, second by second, so slowly that as I felt myself drawing towards a climax, it was so gently and slowly done that the tension was almost agonizing in its pleasure. I began shaking what seemed like ages before I came but then I could feel the fluid rising in me, flowing on its inexorable path to the outside world. I clutched at his head, gasping for breath, and came like a small fountain into his mouth, pumping away while he eagerly swallowed every drop I gave him until I was truly spent.

I was still gasping for breath when he collapsed against me again, where he lay for another ten minutes or so until it was time for him to return to his own flat. We had been in bed together for nearly three hours and finally he was leaving. We dressed and tidied up and I asked if I could see him again. To this day, his reply still baffles me.

“What do you think?” he said.

I’ve often wondered at the double meaning in his response but at the time, I took it at face value, gave him my phone number and attempted to express sincere feeling to him as I showed him out to the road and directed him to his bus home.

A beautiful cheery face smiled back at me as I waved to him disappearing down the road. As I returned to my flat and closed the door, I was alone again and felt suddenly empty and yet at the same time rejuvenated. For me, nothing short of a fantasy had come true and it felt all the better for knowing that he had had a bloody good time too! Our afternoon had been filled with such intense passion that I thought, “Surely this was more than just another ‘one night stand’ encounter?”  But he never contacted me and I never saw him again. All I have is the memory; the image etched in my mind of that beautiful young man’s face, the warmth of his soft skin against mine and that incredible Thursday afternoon.

If you liked that story, please let me know - even post a comment under “ask me a question”. Or perhaps you’d just like to read another story?

Here’s an index of my other sordid tales, many of them taken from true-life sexual adventures of my own: Erotic Gay Stories Index

[callsigndragon]

Tasting the Ashes | Ch. 28: Red ✍️

Word count: 729

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and fluffy Jake.

A/N: It's a small chapter but I will upload another one in a bit so stay calm everyone. And yes, we're changing the moodboard, you know what that means? d R A M A

Masterlist on pinned! Follow @meigalibrary for update notifications!

"That bitch did what?"

"Babe, breathe. You're heavily pregnant, and I don't want you to be stressed." Jake pleads, trying to make Red sit down. But it’s useless.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll have plenty of time to breathe when I make that bitch comprehend that you don’t mess with a Mitchell.”

“Okay, but remember that you had authorization to kill my father. You can’t kill this girl.”

“There are destinies worse than death, cowboy.” Red grabs her phone from the coffee table and calls Jazz.

“What can I do for you, my favorite queen?” Jazz answers, raising her voice, so Red can hear her over the buzzing ambient of the district. She’s working a night shift today.

“Someone is threatening Hen.” Red informs her.

“Give me a sec.” Red can hear movement and a door closing, the background noise ceasing instantly. “Give me a name, I’ll find them.”

“Regina Attwater. She worked with me and Hen until her accident.”

Jazz types her name on the computer, instantly coming up with a criminal record. “She definitely has a past, and it's not a good one. But I can’t tell you more.”

Red frowns, looking at Jake. “Why?”

“It’s empty. Someone erased it. I can’t know why she has a criminal record.”

And then, it hit her. “Oh shit, Gina’s dad is in the department.”

“Wait… her father is Richard Attwater?” Jazz inquires, immediately opening an internet browser to search for existing photos of Richard and his family. “I found a picture of him with a young woman, I’ll send it to you, so you can tell me if it’s her.”

Red waits a few seconds and opens the notification that pops up on her phone. In the photo in front of her, an old man with gray hair, and dress uniform was hugging his daughter, a young, blond woman who looked defiant to the camera.

Yeah, that’s Gina.

“It’s her, Jazz. We’re fucked up, aren’t we?” Red mutters, feeling the tears in her eyes as she knows that, no matter how much they try to sue her for what she’s doing to Hen, her father will somehow drop those charges. She’s untouchable.

“Yes, we are. Unless you want to call the NCIS, I think we’re fucked.”

“NCIS will say that this isn’t enough to open a case against her.” Jake hugs her soon-to-be wife, caressing her belly and feeling how little Maeve reacts under his touch, kicking his hand. Jake wants to smile, even though he knows this isn’t the right moment to do it.

“Honey, we’ll take care of Hen. But now you need to take care of you. Please.” Jake insists, noticing the tiredness in Red’s eyes. She has enough stress with the baby, she doesn't need any of this. It was a bad idea to tell her.

"I'm ok-"

"If you finish that sentence I will put you to bed myself."

"This is getting too kinky for me. I'll call you tomorrow, love. Bye." Jazz says before hanging up.

"Jake!"

"Don't whine, it's late and you need to rest."

"But-" She starts, but Jake raises a warning eyebrow. "Jake, she's your sister."

"Yeah, I know. Believe me I want to protect her more than anyone. But I'm not risking Maeve."

Red gives up, making grabby hands so Jake can help her get up from the sofa. "Let's go to sleep. I'll talk with the other girls tomorrow and see what we can do."

"That's my girl." Jake smiles, kissing her forehead while helping her.

"Where's Liam?"

"Bubs fell asleep a while ago. At least we finished the story today."

"What story?" She questions while he leads her to their bedroom.

"Tangled. He really likes Flynn."

"Who doesn't. Have you seen the man?" Red sighs, remembering the movie.

"Hey, it's me. Your fiancé." Jake states, pointing a finger to his face.

Red sighs again, entering the room and sitting on the bed. "Yeah, but just because Flynn isn't real."

"You're mean."

"But you love me." She shrugs, with a teasing smile.

"More than you could ever imagine."

Jake turns off the light and gets in bed with Red, kissing her belly and whispering lovely words to his baby girl before cuddling with the love of his life and falling asleep.

Tomorrow, he'll call the family, and all of them will think about how to deal with Gina.

Together.

[fxirybun]

hi fxiry, i’m curious about how you started getting into tarot? do you have any tips for learning and getting better at reading the cards? also what are some of your favorite decks that you own? (hope you don’t mind me asking so many questions hehe ☆彡)

i feel honored to be asked about this one hhh so this is going to be a lengthy one (๑•̀ᴗ-) though i wouldn't be able to cover all of it !

ෆ⸒⸒ how it all started

before tarot , i started with the chinese zodiac back when i was in my elementary days (can't remember the specific age TT) because , in my country , we celebrate the lunar new year annually. during those times there would be a couple of books or magazines that discuss about the fortune of a person's animal sign that is based on his / her birth year.

i was a curious kid back then so whilst i was at my grandparents' house i would scan through my grandfather's desk drawer and that's when i discovered this booklet that talks about the chinese zodiac. it got me hooked so i decided to use the booklet as a way to discuss my grandparents' fortune with them.

when i went home , i decided to scan through (i'm so nosy omg-) my mother's cabinet in search of magazines that contain topics about the chinese zodiac. after a while , i use the knowledge that i gathered from reading to discuss fortunes , facts , etc. with my parents , my aunts , my cousins-- or simply the entire household lmao 😆

it wasn't enough for me because i had this craving within me to discover more so for the following months i decided to look up the internet about it. this is where i started to discover astrology. i would jump into websites and i remembered this particular section wherein you get to do a compatible test with someone.

just like what every child does , i decided to enter me and my crush's birth year. besides that , i would try to find out about my friends' birthdays to know more about them and such. following months had passed , i'm starting to feel bored and the craving doesn't stop. so whilst searching on the internet that's when i find a tarot website that generates free readings.

i got hooked on it so i would engage the website and ask bizarre questions if my crush likes me or what 😭💀 like girl stop it already-- over time i became serious with my studies so i didn't pay attention to any forms of divination , not until high school.

but before that , i do remember my mother wanting to bring us with her to visit this fortune teller , she knows this old lady personally. i was young so my memories were fuzzy. all i could recall is her wearing dangled gold pieces of jewelry , a blue (?) rounded table , and a rider-waite smith deck.

she was a really good fortune teller because she predicted all the things that were going to happen to my relatives , problems within the family , etc. (i don't want to disclose the details for privacy reasons).

for this reason , i became aware of the existence of tarot but i didn't pay any attention to it because i was a child.

ෆ⸒⸒ the turning point

when i was in 6th grade (?) , i'm starting to get vivid dreams about something that would end up happening irl. the example of it is having an image of a girl and how it didn't leave my mind because i had this feeling that there's something "important" about that girl. one year has passed , and i felt tingles from my skin when i met the exact same girl in my dreams who became my classmate and my high school friend.

i would even experience the feeling of deja vu , making me question about the way this world works. again , i kept on ignoring it because i tend to be someone who has a practical approach. yet , it seems that the universe or a some type of higher being really wants me to awaken this "ability" that i have.

so boom ! i met some random guy and how i've been getting tons of synchronicities and signs from him 😀 it's like we have this telepathic connection 'cause he's experiencing it too. as always: didn't work > me cried and acted dramatic > 1 year later , me over 🙂‍↔️

i did my research and that's when i stumbled on the "twin flame" concept though i don't seem to buy the whole idea of it :/ the good news ? that was my icebreaker to buy a tarot deck as i get to learn more about sprituality and divination.

what's worse is how i've been getting this eerie feeling that someone in my family is going to pass away. i didn't want to tell to my mother because she'll think that i'm paranoid. months later , my aunt was the one who would leave us too soon.

when i decided to tell my mother about it , she didn't believe me at first but suddenly she decided to tell me about my other aunt who used to be a tarot reader. she thinks that it runs in the family for someone to have this "ability" and how we share some similarities.

ෆ⸒⸒ my abilities

that's how i realized that i may be a "psychic" though i don't want to label myself as one because i'm not confident with my abilities.

all i could say is:

i get information or words / phrases / sentences in my mind each time i do a reading for someone.

i get vivid dreams that would manifest itself.

i can feel the energy and every time i'm outside i can immediately distinguish a person's personality based on what they're showing me. a lie detector test in simple words and how my intuition never fails me , which made me hard to trust people these days.

i would witness a supernatural occurrence. an example would be inside the house which usually happens at midnight. the lights in the living room would blink uncontrollably.

i would hear a "ringing" sound or even faint voices in my ear and how the sound that surrounds me became quiet , hinting that there was an energy of something within the house.

recently , this "energy" made it clear that they were here by trying to make this loud scratching + banging sound from a door across the hallway. i checked to see but there was no one there and it's raining very hard outside so it was impossible.

few days before that: when i was about to sleep , i heard a gliding thud from the window beside me. still , no sight of the person doing it and the window isn't close to a tree , don't own any domestic animals , or anything that can produce that kind of sound.

i would also see a flying orb-like light coming from outside whilst i'm studying. that was few months ago i believe..

there's more but i don't want to turn this post into horror or scary-related TT

ෆ⸒⸒ tips for those starting with tarot [ incomplete guide ]

the following sections doesn't include the use of intuition and more ! only the basics.

as cliche as it may sound , you need to understand and apply the meanings of the cards first. you can start practicing by performing a reading to your family or friends. mistakes are made along the way and you shouldn't feel discouraged by it. try to enjoy the process of learning ^^ and take those mistakes as a lesson 'cause i've been there too lmao.

start with a one-card spread first ! try not to jump on doing three-cards , six-cards , celtic cross , or any tarot spreads that are deemed as complicated for you. i made this mistake and how it made me feel so confused and lost ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡ through this you get the idea of what the card is all about.

don't do reversals just yet ! take note that a tarot deck contains 78 cards: major arcana , minor arcana , and the court cards. which means you need to be familiar with 78 meanings and that's a lot for a beginner. so take this one as you're starting point. once you're confident about knowing the upright meanings , that's when you start incorporating the reversals ^^

ෆ⸒⸒ read the spread like a storybook

let's say that you've already mastered all of the list i mentioned above and you want to add more cards to make an in-depth reading. you decided to do a three-card spread and suddenly , you encountered a problem wherein you couldn't seem to connect the three cards' interpretation due to their different meanings and how it doesn't seem to fit the said question.

01 understanding the question that is being asked.

try to identify if the question is related to love , career , a person , etc. that way you get a better idea as to what this reading is going to be all about. the question needs to be specific ! having a broad question is hard to discern.

example : "who is my future spouse ?" ✘

alternative : "what is my future spouse's personality ?" ✓

02 cut the cards meaning into pieces

try to write down notes about the meanings or words of the three cards that corresponds to it.

labyrinthos interpretation:

king of cups = wise, diplomatic, balance between head and heart, devoted, advisor, counsellor

the world = completion, achievement, fulfilment, sense of belonging, wholeness, harmony

nine of cups rx = unhappiness, lack of fulfilment, disappointment, underachievement, arrogance, snobbery

03 connect the meanings , reading from left to right

after you list down the meanings / words , this is when you're going to apply those to a context. you should start from left to right , just like how a storybook is being read.

example :

the personality of your future spouse is someone who knows how to regulate their emotions well and is in touch with their feelings. you could always rely on them in times of stressful situations because your future spouse would do the means to reassure and comfort you , letting you know that you're being understood by them. they may also have achieved greater heights in their life such as being able to get a proper education , getting what they want , and a stable career. even so , it seems that something is missing from your future spouse. no matter how many times they've received the sweetest and most memorable moments in their life , there's a void that's coming from within. perhaps the missing piece that they're longing for could be you , the one who can make them feel complete or whole again.

ෆ⸒⸒ my fave tarot decks at the moment

01 rider-waite smith tarot : i find it funny how i used to not like the imagery of the cards due to how "old-fashioned" the drawings were. i bought a knock-off version of it for practice reasons. as i tried to bond with this deck i ended up finding myself in tune with the readings i made. the images of the cards are easy to interpret ! hopefully , i get to purchase the authentic version of it. i get to do riffle shuffling with this deck too ^_^

02 tarot of the divine : every beginner tarot reader's first love ! 😆 this was my first deck and has been with me through thick and thin lol (the appearance says otherwise). due to the bond i had with this deck , its answers became very straightforward ! what i love about this deck is the cardstock quality. very easy to shuffle because of how smooth it glides even though it leans on the thicker side ;; i also love seeing the tales of each country.

03 the light seer's tarot : what i love about this deck is the diversity of each card ! the imagery is modernized , making it easy to feel relatable with the deck and how you get to easily interpret the meaning of every card. the guidebook is thick-yet-informative lol. i also find it easy to shuffle the cards with my hands. the deck is a lil bit thicker so it may be hard to perform a riffle shuffle ʕ •̥ ˕ ก ʔ

04 ethereal visions illuminated tarot deck : the good thing about this deck is even though it is a bit bigger than the standard rider-waite smith size , its cards are thin which makes it easier for me to shuffle. i love how soft , earthy , and pastel-yet-creamy (?) the cards and the drawings were made. it reminded me of one of those greek paintings and statues for sure. it comes with two different cards and you can find its meanings from the guidebook itself.

[katriniac]

OMG you are in folk fairytales and legend Please can you tell me some of the cuteer ones you found even better if involving bears ? I loved interact with your OC too thanks fir joining and pls relax too from time to time and do not rush in answering me either 🙏🙏 I wish you a wonderful day 🤗🤗😘😘

Yesssss, I love them! Since a very young age I have been an avid reader/student of folklore, fairy tales, myths, and legends. 

Below I talk more about my personal history/feelings on the topic, and end with my three favorite fairy tales. I hope they are “cute” enough for you!

But first I wanted to answer your question about stories featuring bears.

I tried to think of one in my memory where a bear played a prominent part, but turned up empty. I mean, yes, there is the standard “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”, but I assumed you wanted to hear about something off the beaten path. 

So I dug around and found this one for you:

"The Bear in the Forest Hut". 

It is a Slavic folk tale about a prince who was cursed to take the shape of a bear, and the brave and kind woman who helped him out of that curse. She had the typical misfortune to have a stupid father and an ‘evil stepmother’ who tries to stop anything good from happening to the heroine. 

I liked this one because there is plenty of detail about the trials and tests the girl goes through in order to earn the bear’s trust and break his curse. Even more unique is how the story doesn’t just end right when the curse is broken (like so many folk tales). Instead, it goes on at length about how the two get married, travel over his kingdom, and what happens to the stepmother and stepsister.

@queengiuliettafirstlady What are some of your favorite fairy tales and myths?

How did I come to love fairy tales so much?

I think I can trace it back to my godmother, who was an amazing storyteller. She was Irish, so most of the tales she told me came from the British Isles and dated back to the 12th Century or earlier. The stories I most vividly remember her telling me were about the 3rd Century charismatic (but slightly foolish) folk hero Finn MacCool (or Fionn mac Cumhaill) and his very very clever wife Sadhbh. 

As I entered my preteen years (1990s, pre-internet era) a library was built within a 15 minute drive from our rural town. I had never had such a frequent exposure to books before that, except our small school library. My mom would take me to the new public library often and I devoured every book they had on fairy tales and legends.

When I started college, the trend of turning ancient folktales into modern, dark retelling had begun to rise in popularity. Not only was my backpack full of those every week, but now I also had access to scholarly papers through our inter-collegiate online system! I could read published research on people all over the world, those who retraced Charles Perrault’s steps, or compared similar narratives, or discovered a new translation of an old work. It was also during my college years that I discovered The Aaarne-Thompson-Uther index, which categorizes the plots and themes of fairy tales. 

When I learned about Perrault and the ATU Index, it changed my self-image.

Of course kids like fairy tales, but we are expected to grow out of those stories as we mature. I still had a deep love of folklore and myths well into my 20s and that made me feel a little silly and childish. But when I discovered that Charles Perreault (a historian in the 17th Century) believed the stories being shared in the oral tradition were important enough to be written down for posterity, that boosted my spirits. And when I stumbled across the ATU Index (begun in 1910, and continues to be updated annually still to this day), which took fairy tales seriously as anthropological artifacts, I was vindicated even more. 

These historical efforts were proof that folk lore, legends, and fairy tales weren't just for children. 

This short article is a MUST-READ for anyone who wants to have their love for storytelling rekindled and get pumped up to talk about fairy tales. It’s all about hope and courage.  I especially appreciated the excerpt from Katherine Rundell when she talks about “the hope that is sharper than teeth”

As I studied more and more obscure stories from around the world, I soon had a list of my top 4 favorites that I came back to:

Katie Crackernuts

The Twelve Dancing Princesses 

Beauty and the Beast 

The Myth of the Selkie

The middle two I have owned a few printed copies of. They are quite common and have many retellings/variations. But Katie Crackernuts was a story I could only read online; I had never seen it in print. 

There are actually similarities between parts of all three stories, which is probably why I love them so much.

I know you asked for ‘cute’ ones, but I don’t know if these really are that adorable. They all have happy endings for the heroines. Does that count? LOL

Katie Crackernuts (collected by Andrew Lange, first printed 1889)

This is a Scottish story about two sisters, one plain but clever (Katie) and one beautiful but simple (Anne). Despite this difference, they loved and supported one another as much as two sisters could. Through no fault of her own, Anne was cursed (you guessed it, by an evil stepmother) with the head of a sheep (or sometimes a donkey or goat, depending on the version) because the stepmother was jealous of her beauty. Katie put a hood over Anne to disguise her and left the house together, never to return.

They eventually came to the kingdom where there was a sick prince. His parents offered rich rewards for anyone who could heal his mysterious disease. Katie knew there had to be a reason normal medicine wasn’t working. She thought perhaps he was under a curse, too. Yep, he was going out at night in a trance to go under a hill to dance with fairies. So she watched and listened and investigated until she discovered the cure and how to administer it. Turns out the way to lift her sister’s curse was under that hill, as well!

She out-smarted the fairies, collected the items from them, and followed the instructions precisely. He grew well and discovered he loved her during all their time together while she was patiently investigating. When she used the cure on her sister, Anne’s sheep head turned back into a human one and the prince’s brother fell in love with her on the spot (of course he did). It was a lovely double-wedding. 

The Twelve Dancing Princesses (collected by the Brothers Grimm, first printed 1812)

This is about twelve sisters who are constantly tired and ruining their expensive shoes every night, and no one can find out why. The king has offered rich rewards and even marriage to the most beautiful of his daughters, but any man who steps up to the challenge either dies, fails the task, or is never seen again. Until one clever man (who has been watching this happen over and over) decides to try solving the mystery. The eldest sister (the most intelligent and haughty of the siblings) tries to stop him each time, but he outsmarts her as he follows the princesses into a fairy forest where they dance all night until their shoes fall apart and they drop from exhaustion.

Just like Katie in the story before, he is observant and waits until he has all the information and proof he needs to confront the princesses. He convinces the king, who is angry that his daughters were escaping every night. The man explains they were under a spell that compelled them to sneak out. The king offers him the most beautiful daughter (who is also the youngest and the most silly), but the man opts to marry the eldest because she was the only one who came close to matching wits.

Katie Crackernuts has much in common with The Twelve Dancing Princesses.

Both have very strict rules for entering into the world of fairies, and the “wasting sickness” that comes upon a human who spends too much time in that world (which is also a metaphor for other maladies that were rampant during those centuries, such as tuberculosis). I enjoy that theme of “Good luck if you’re beautiful because your looks won’t save you. You need to be wise, patient, and clever in this world.”

Beauty and the Beast

This was one of my favorites long before Disney made their movie. Almost everyone knows how the story goes, so I won’t make this long post even longer by summarizing it here. The bravery and selflessness of the heroine was very inspiring to me, and I loved the idea of being surrounded by talking furniture and not a single human! I was a very introverted kid. And I guess I loved the idea of a sad prince in an unloveable disguise who needed to feel loved.

Another thing I think is neat about that story is there is an actual author: Gabrielle-Suzanne de Villeneuve, published the story in 1740. Most folklore and fairy tales have a shared origin and no single creator. Not so for Beauty and the Beast. This one has a bonafide author, which makes it unique. Not only that, but the author was a woman! 

What Beauty and the Beast has in common with Katie Crackernuts is charity, mercy, humility, and selflessness.

The heroine not only saves herself, but she saves those who are entrusted to her. Who needs a prince, right?? Katie didn’t have to leave home to take care of her cursed sister, but she did. She didn’t have to agree to help the sick prince, but she did. Belle didn’t have to sacrifice herself in her father’s place in that unreasonable pact, but she did. She could have been disagreeable, rude, and throwing herself a pity party the entire time she was captive in the Beast’s castle, but instead she did her best to keep her spirits up and not hate her captor. (Readers: don’t come at me with the whole “Stockholm Syndrome” comment trying to be witty; it’s an old joke that was never funny in the first place.) Katie also tried hard to make the best of an awful situation, and she was never resentful to Anne or put her on a guilt trip. I was inspired by the important values and virtues portrayed by these two heroines.

The Legend of the Selkie

You asked for ‘cute’ stories, but this last one is anything but cute. The Celtic legend of the Selkie is heartbreaking, and there is hardly ever a happy ending. I heard briefly about it as a kid, but never found a published story to read. The oral tradition of the tale goes back to the 13th Century, but it didn’t make it into many books. Then the movie The Secret of Roan Inish came out in 1995. I was 15 at the time and didn’t have my driver’s license yet, so I begged a family member to bring me to the only theater in the entire state that was showing this independent film, over an hour away. It was magical. I bought the DVD as soon as it was available. It was the only thing I could find at that time (remember, the internet wasn’t really used for entertainment in 1995 like it is now) that displayed the Selkie myth, which is:

There are some special seals in the sea who can shed their seal-skin and turn themselves into human women. They are beautiful, quiet, and hard-working. And therefore they are much sought-after as wives by the lonely fishermen of the islands. The legend says that if you find a Selkie in her human form and take her seal-skin away from her, she is yours for the rest of your life. You can imagine the life of servitude that awaits the poor woman! She is usually desperate to turn the house inside out looking for her seal skin and return to the sea, or if she doesn’t find it she will murder her husband.

Fascinating!

Oof, okay. That post went on really long. Sorry. When I start to talk about fairy tales and folklore, I have a difficult time keeping it short, lol. And I didn't even get into the Greek myths! Yikes.

[robbiestuart]

&&. announcing his royal highness, ( robert stuart ), the ( 45 ) year old ( prince ) of ( scotland ). he is often confused with ( lee pace ). some say that he is ( opinionated & unserious ), but he is actually ( loving & friendly ). ( OOC: isa )

There are no fairy godmothers nor are there guardian angels but some higher power always kept young Robert from burning his fingers, breaking his arm or scraping his knees when he ran around wildly. He cared little for his own safety and the safety of others. When he grew a tad older that same gracious benevolent will kept him from getting caught by his father’s stern eyes when he was testing the limits, experimenting with other rebellious souls, and making a goofy fool out of himself. Robbie calls it dumb luck, his siblings insist ( with an eye roll ) that it was just the privilege of the youngest child.

Robbie’s secret escapades and thirst for freedom turned him into a globe-trotter, you see, when he got a bit more older his father’s opinion began mattering less and the public’s opinion more. When he fucked up, with his father he could get away with a slap on the wrist and a couple of harsh words — but with the public, he had to make up for it for weeks if not for months. He did not like media training. He often spoke out of turn and let the stupidest comments roll off his tongue. Controlling himself was not something he was fond of — and fortunately, abroad he didn’t really need to do it. When he was in his 20s the internet’s presence wasn’t nearly as strong and video cameras were not glued on him 24/7... and most importantly, outside of Scotland not that many people knew who he was. He could just be Robbie.

He did his uni in Rotterdam and didn’t regret it in the slightest. Even twenty years later he can order a coffee and a waffle ( and inform everyone he is going to take a piss ) in Dutch. In the international economics program he did not need to learn Dutch. So he didn’t. The aforementioned three things are essentially all of the Dutch he knows. He didn’t learn Dutch but German and French with a bit of Spanish on the side. They were important for the things he wanted to accomplish — and that was to jump from one conference to another all over Europe. Three languages mattered the most so he did his best to master them. His French is awful and none of the d’Orléans would appreciate his effort if he tried speaking to them in French.

After graduation he kept busy. There were a lot of conferences to attend and he’s social enough to get invited officially and unofficially. Slowly he grew and matured, and Edinburgh suddenly didn’t feel nearly as confining and boring as it had been. Besides, his niece is growing up and she’s a joy to be around. His trips became more infrequent.

He didn’t really know what was missing until Wiebke stepped into the picture. Their one night stand stayed on his mind and he kept calling himself a romantic fool for having her on his mind for so long. A German lass that had visited and disappeared! Give him a break! He tirelessly joked about it whenever he hit the pub with his friends.

And then they met again. She’s even more beautiful than he remembered. He had a stupid need to make sure she wanted to stay in touch. He felt accomplished every time he saw the muscles of her cheeks tense before she broke into a smile. When she laughed, he got sent to heaven.

Loving Wiebke was and is not easy. Hold her too tightly and her suspicion starts creating cracks in the glass. Stay too far away and you’re told you’re hiding something. Robbie’s blessing was his consistency and honesty. He has never been afraid of showing his feelings and making his intentions clear. With someone like Wiebke, the characteristics are needed.

Until now his relationship with Wiebke has been about proving himself to her and keeping her from causing harm to herself and the people around her. The new waters they have entered are confusing and difficult to navigate through — it feels like it’s her time to start proving things to him. He’s just a bit worried that he won’t find his name at the top of her list. It’s perfectly possible that he will lose to “ a bloody soggy scrap of land that not one soul had heard about until they started fighting over it.”

[fritzysawesome]

My blog is my own dark little internet chasm and I believe all my thoughts are safely locked away within the minds of strangers. People can hear my voice without the consequences of knowing my name. I almost got kicked out the other night. Well, technically I WAS kicked out but only for a temporal period. I got into a fight with my mom while she was drunk. It was over nothing. But, it seemed like with each fight we got in as the days went by, my world was shriveling and I could feel all our problems compress me to where i could no longer breathe. As we went back and forth, and she relayed the same rants about all the issues it seemed every person caused for her, I felt the weight get heavier. I won't go through all her turmoil but it's all reasonable to be upset over. Yet, she is so self destructive these problems have been conspiring for years and years. So i reached my breaking point after multiple failed attempts to distance myself from the crescendoing arguments, and i shrieked as loud as I could and ran outside. It was around 11:30pm at the time, and the winds still cherished some of summers fleeting warmth. I first turned my attention to the mini rotting picnic table that sat on our patio, and I ripped off planks and tore them to shreds. I then fell to the ground, weeping. I pulled my hoodie close to me and cried for a while, before getting distracted by the stars and the waxing moon.

A couple months ago, I was a camp counselor for some 10 year old girls, and on the final night, as we gave final goodnight hugs, I was bawling my eyes out. One of my campers, with kinky blonde hair and the sweetest eyes, came up to me and held me tight. Her name was Nora. She then told me to look up with a point, and I followed her finger to the sky. "whenever your sad, look up at the stars and remember the wonderful weeks we had at camp". I don't know who or what hurt this poor young girl to where she seek refuge in the stars, but in this moment i relished in her same sanctuary. I curled up for warmth, considering sleeping on the cool concrete already. Until the door creaked open, and my little 5 pound dog came pattering out, followed by a slam. Moments after the porch lights were shut off, and I realized I had been forgotten. Peter, my dog sniffed around the corpse of his mother before trotting off into the grass gracefully ignorant. At the time, I was convinced my mother had just let him out to use the bathroom, because leaving a dog like him outside meant with almost defined certainty he would become owl bait. But to my surprise, when i tried the knob of the back door, it had been locked. A feeling of dread built in me. I could survive outside for a night, probably at the nearby playground, but what would I do with my poor baby? The only option I could think of was beg her to take him in for at least a night. I go over to grab Peter before he speeds away from my arms, assuming i'm playing a game. Sobs choke back up in my throat, as i start to verbally plead for him to come to me. I chase him barefoot in the yard, weeping out his name to no avail. He barks and jumps around absolutely ecstatic for my attention. I fall to my knees, succumbing to tears as i drunkenly ramble my pleads to him. When i composed myself, i went over to turn on the spickett, as running water will usually fascinate him enough to drink. No. I grab the broken piece of picnic table, hoping to root a game of tug a war. No. At last, I resort to begging once again, with no faith left in me. But, as if he finally could read my mind, when i reached out for him, he came willingly and I scooped him into my arms. I moved down to my mothers bedroom window, which she always had unlocked due to getting hot at night. I pry it open and gently place peter down inside before crawling in behind him. I hear my mother call out "hello?" in frustrated surprise. "You aren't allowed in here" she says as I enter kitchen she inhabited. To brief over the rest, we got into another screaming match on how she called my father to come get me, and that i needed to get all my shit and get out.

Dog too. I sobbed and begged to stay, as my father lives 45 minutes away and it would destroy all my junior year plans, socially, educationally and otherwise. I knew she wouldnt let me take anything she bought, but luckily my girlfriend sources most of my clothes. I grab some trash bags out of the kitchen and run upstairs throwing everything i can fit into them. My plan was to throw the bags out my window so my mother wouldnt stop me from taking some things. By the time my dad got there, her drunk brain had a new thought. She told me to either tell my dad to help us financially or else he would never see me again, or to go live with him and basically forfeit any relationship with my mother. My dad cheated on my mom when I was a baby and theres a million other stories within that but, with all things considered I chose the former. But through my tears, my dad knew that the words came from my mother. He stormed inside furious and screamed at my mother as i desperately tried to avoid this escalating any further. I succeeded for the most part, getting my dad to leave and keeping either of them from calling the cops. After it was all over my mom hugged me and told me that i needed to be stronger, and thats the only reason she did was she did. I went to bed but haven't felt right about any of it since.

[fusrodamnit]

Boiling Blood pt. 3

Pt 3, I'll post the last part shortly, I don't think I'll remember to finish posting this otherwise lmao...

This is eventually NSFW, so MDNI, I will not be held responsible if you read beyond this warning and are a minor.

Vampires, werewolves, reader (you, y/n, y/n l/n) is a vampire, fem!reader, A/B/O, brown chicken brown cow eventually

Part 1 Part 2

The first night in the new house wasn't as bad as you'd feared...the previous tenant was more than just conscientious, they were downright saintly. The outside still looked dilapidated, but the inside was sturdy as a freshly built house. The only thing missing was internet...but it had plumbing, electricity...the familiar that introduced themselves as "Billy" said the utilities were paid up for the next two weeks, which gave you time to find new work.

Or a river or pond to bathe in. Temporarily, of course.

You planned to have everything ready for when your mate arrived.

Which you could tell it would be for the best, you looked at your small, ratty journal, keeping track of the nights...for when your next heat was coming. Vampires had tried to take advantage of your heat in the past, but you always managed to scrape by, still holding out for your mate. In your mortal life, you had had many lovers, and none of them felt fulfilling or very lasting...so when you had found out about presenting, and the fact that you were bound by fate with one person, it gave you a sense of purpose, in a way. Even if it was superficial, it made you want to hold out, wait for your mate.

There had been cases were a mate passed away before their mate ever turned, or presented, but the fates had been kind enough to make it so it was only people who would eventually turn...so there was that, at least.

You took your first step out into the new city, trying to sense for other vampires or possibly werewolves, as you smelled the filth and stench of cars, trash...but there was the delicious smell of fresh, living humans. You had been very sparing with your blood during the drive, so you were a little hungry...but you could easily resist, having had much worse nights than this.

Your mate's magnetism was stronger here, you had felt it shifting now and again while you were traveling, but mostly they were somewhere...close enough. You might be able to reach them in a night's travel, but you couldn't know if the clan they were a part of would accept you, or murder you outright for daring to make a claim on their new alpha.

You shivered at the idea of being murdered. It was frowned upon, but not unheard of in vampire culture. There were plenty of times when a clan would deem a member too dangerous to continue in the community, and since for whatever reason they couldn't just banish them, they would tie them to a tree where the first rays of the sun would turn them to a crisp...or other such horrible fates.

You had a lead on a job, at least...Billy had asked what your skills were, and they knew of a late night coffee shop looking for a closer. You would much rather deal with the caffeinated night crowd than drunks...so you had to restrain yourself from shouting with joy at the prospect.

The last five or so towns had been bartending situations, and you were so excited for a change of pace.

You entered the cafe, it was a mix of smells. Coffee beans, dish sanitizer, old furniture, humans, and...werewolves. There was the trace of a vampire, but right now there were a couple of werewolves in the back. You knew they had noticed you, vampires and werewolves had their own ways of detecting the other, constantly aware of who was nearby.

You calmly went up to the counter, pulling out a handwritten resume, Billy had helped you with references, and you had the pretense of having just moved from far away, so they wouldn't know if you were lying or not...

The young human barista behind the counter smiled at you, just as short as you, which was refreshing. She greeted you, and you quickly began talking about the "Now Hiring" sign in the window. She asked some questions, took your resume, and introduced you to the boss. It was like clockwork, usually you didn't even need a second interview, your vampiric charms were mostly social in nature, as you hadn't focused much on anything that could be applicable to combat, or shapeshifting...although you were especially good at turning into fog.

The owner had to approve the application, but the boss, or rather, manager, seemed enthusiastic, as you boasted of having over 8 years (ha) of barista experience and knowledge, and had never once worked for the evil green giant.

When you came in the next night, the boss was behind the counter, and he greeted you with a friendly wave. "Hey, y/n, you still up for closing? Because if you want the job...it's yours! I can start training you as soon as...tonight!" You chuckled at their enthusiasm, taking them up on the offer. There were no uniforms, and so long as you wore an apron, you were solid. They showed you the ropes of basic procedure, how to work their particular register (it was probably from the 1980s, from the looks of it...) and the rundown of the menu.

Once you seemed to have a decent handle on things, they turned the counter over to you, and sat to the side to watch you take care of orders, tidy up, and prepare for closing eventually. You already had a good idea of everything, some of the drinks had changed, and recipes shifted, but otherwise things didn't change. A latte was a latte, after all.

You had already been a week into the new routine, waking up at dusk, tidying yourself, and going in to your barista job. It kept you busy as you impatiently waited to see if your mate was going to stay still...they kept moving around, from one place to another...it was unnerving, maybe they were experiencing challenges? Your heart ached at that thought, wanting to seek them out all the sooner, to make sure they were alright. But logic dictated you would do little to help them if they were facing real danger, and you would better spend your time preparing for the first meeting.

Vampire mates had a ritual when meeting for the first time. Their hearts would ache and long for eachother, slowly tugging them towards eachother until they magnetically came together. Then the alpha would make a display of all they could bring to the relationship, either with physical prowess by killing a hunter or some other tangible threat, shapeshifting into a great beast of myth, or charming and entrancing an entire stadium's worth of mortals.

Those were just examples, but those are the most famous ones...you hoped your alpha was a shapeshifter, it made you excited.

The omega had to kneel to their alpha, bowing their head lower than they would for their maker, showing their subjugation and loyalty to their mate, come the sun or the stake, you were theirs to do with as they willed.

Which wasn't so bad, you reasoned with yourself...maybe they'll be a very kind alpha, and only ask you to do some humiliating things...

Presenting as an omega had proven difficult...your maker was cruel to you for it, nothing more than a measly beta, but they were petty. Knowing they would never have a bond like an alpha and omega, they had let slip that they were envious more than once. So they would force you to feed on pests, sometimes even skunks, just to make you suffer for the first few decades of your life.

You knew that alphas had an easier time upon turning, their makers, even if they were another alpha, would only keep their new progeny for a few weeks, training them in the ways of their new world, and then releasing them upon this doomed planet. You knew your alpha was likely with their maker right now, so...they would be fine, right? Unless their maker was an omega...or a petty beta...

There was a legend of an omega making an alpha, they were not meant to be paired, but the maker went mad with desperation, and forced the alpha to bind themselves to their maker. Everyone involved died horribly, as the legend goes...

You sighed as you wiped down the counter, your ache was taking over your every moment, your thoughts were of nothing but your alpha...is this what it's like? Seems inconvenient...

---

After another few weeks, your ache was nearly unbearable, your heat struck like a thunderbolt, to boot. You were grateful that you were female, you could blame your rare heat with it being that time of the month...it made the explanation less confusing, you chuckled to yourself about that.

At least...you would normally chuckle about it. But this heat...was like being tried in hell. Your body burned, your skin crawled, you could almost feel a heartbeat in your chest, and you were even managing to sweat. You had never heard of a vampire's heat being this awful...usually it was just a lust that caused you to need to tether yourself somewhere if you didn't want to give yourself to anything that could walk.

And if your mate was turned and you could feel eachother, it was just more intense, but only for them. Even if you had a dedicated partner, you would only crave your mate.

This...was entirely new, and felt like what true suffering would be described as in novels. You could barely keep any blood down, you kept throwing it up, inbetween long sessions of masturbating until you blacked out, you were pacing the house, unable to focus or calm yourself in any way. Not even meditation was working.

You felt your alpha getting closer, though. As the first night ended, you felt like they were approaching at a great speed, as if they had wings...maybe they could shapeshift, that would be amazing...

You blacked out, the basement floor felt cool to your poor flame-licked skin.

---

a/n: I don't necessarily write this stuff sober, usually taking something to forget about my day job, so if it makes little to no sense, or I jump topics...sorry not sorry? Just try to enjoy it, or move along.

[weed-ols]

Reviewing Every UKISS Release: By Unpopular Demand ~ CONTI UKISS

Welcome aboard this hell ride, Kiseop! You're not getting off until 2019, and even then you're never really gone before throwing yourself back into the fray in 2022! You're here for forever now!

The hard and pitiful struggle era is over, they've discarded the good and cute boy image, and are now into their edgy woman-hating bad boy period because that's actually what was kind of in at the time. Gone are the perms, bowties, and sweatervests, and enter confidence-bestowing guyliner, entire bottles of hairspray to hold their aggressive sideparts, and attempts to look brooding

CONTI UKISS - 3rd Mini Album | 2009.11.06

So I don't remember when this dropped, but I do remember that I started listening to them shortly after they released this. Now, I wasn't too young to be on the internet, but too young to find browsing forums interesting, however I do remember my sister and brother both being into them, and their friends at school too. I think if you go check some old LiveJournal pages, this is around the time they really started popping off.

Kiseop is now in because NH thought having another flower boy would help boost their popularity, and you know, in typical NH fashion, they give him like 2 seconds of singing, and tell him his job is just to dance and look pretty. My gosh, did he ever look pretty, so pretty that even little almost-a-tweenie me picked him out to be my new delusional celebrity crush. Who needs lines when you look that pretty? Mind you, I still was very normal about them at this time. I liked ManManHaNi, but I didn't love it to the point of being not-normal about them. That happened around 0330, if you care.

We're also now entering the Quintessential UKISS Sound™ era, which is really just what a lot of pop music at this time sounded like - lots of stylistic autotune, the heavy dance beats, lyrics all about partying and/or angry love songs. This entire mini album basically encapsulates that late 2009-early 2010 pop sound, and I love that for them.

ManManHaNi, as we know, saved their careers not once, but twice, and will probably continue to be their lifeline until we all turn to dust, and maybe even after that. So yeah, I have a very love-hate relationship with this song because I'm very grateful that it was their big break and memorable enough to keep them around for so long, but like I'm also just really sick of hearing it.

Intro | YouTube Music 6.2k | Spotify 5.6k

Even though it has that autotune sound, it still sounds out of place because of how lowkey the music is lol

"shawty" #2

"Shake ya booty left and right" great one liner by Xander

Very well balanced intro, it actually does feel like a more-than-two-person collaborative effort between Soohyun, Kevin, Xander, Eli, and I think Kiseop who gets to whisper-sing "shake shake shake it shake it"

It could be Kibum, but I'm 99% sure it's Kiseop from how soft the voice is

Is this the precursor to Rock Ya' Body?

7.5/10 I liked it, but it's not a wowing banger like Pump Pump or On Fire.

ManManHaNi (Audio) | YouTube Music 12M | Spotify 1.38M

If I'm being honest, I don't even think it's possible for me to give much of a coherent opinion on this

Like I said before, I'm always a little happy to hear MMHN because you know, it made my boys famous and saved their careers, but like I'm also super sick of this song

Deadass this is on none of my playlists other than my Complete UKISS Discography one because it has to be

Okay I have the JP version on a couple, but that's because I actually bought their 2016 compilation album, and I'm sure as hell gonna get my money's worth of it

The opening evokes some visceral feeling I can't quite name

"Bad girl", "crazy girl", what have women done to you boys??!?

Also lol things UKISS have called me in one song - baby girl, bad girl, crazy girl, yeougateun/foxy girl

Since I basically never listen to the plain audio of MMHN, and usually only hear it when I watch their live shows and whatever, I was actually expecting to hear Hoon for the third verse, so imagine my surprise when I hear Kibum

"Love's final round" such an iconic line, thank you, Soohyun

The random cat noise during Eli's rap always takes me out

"You make me pissed off!" literally pops into my head randomly all the time, Eli's one liners never disappoint

I guess it's the 4th verse, but yeah the verse right after Eli's rap is sooo cursed

Someone on Twitter did a compilation of it a while ago, and there's like 6 different versions of it

I do like it though, the rhyming is cute, and Dongho, Kiseop, and Kibum do all have vaguely similar voices - soft and weak-sounding

Both of Xander's rap verses are also uniquely cursed, courtesy of that same Twitter user, there's like 6-7 different people who've done it

Anyway, standard "UKISS break up song where they also kinda hate women but lowkey also still sound a little in love" song

Unsurprisingly, a Soohyun and Kevin duet with features by Eli and Xander, and a featuring feature of Kibum, and Dongho and Kiseop were there

For real, how do you put a guy into a group and then only give him one word for his debut

Uh 7.25/10 I don't actually know because I don't even think I can fake an objective rating for this. It's a catchy and fun aggressive dance song, I don't know what else to say. The autotune makes it difficult for Soohyun and Kevin to have these standout vocal moments, and they obviously sound great, the rapping is kinda cringe but also kinda iconic, people were present, I don't know I've heard this song a million times against my will.

ManManHaNi (MV) | Official MV 1.1M | Fan Upload 1.8M

Why was the official one only uploaded 2 years ago?

I actually don't remember if we all just watched the fan upload or if there was another official MV because I haven't watched this at all in like 10 years

Love that official MV only goes up to 720p give us low budget please

And the 720p is giving 360p, perhaps a very generous 480p look

Was this shot on the same famous expensive camera they used for Shut Up!!

We've also abandoned having a plot for this MV it's just them dancing and trying to look hot (or in Kiseop's case, just actually being hot)

The stupid blurry-to-focus shots are sending me

Oh these outfits are legendary, peak 2009 bad boy looks with unnecessary bondage gear, hair so styled they could survive a typhoon, pasty your-lips-but-actually-too-cool-toned lipstick, and guyliner so thick that raccoons are jealous

The pants, the boots, it was hot it was fresh it was 2009

This is such a dramatic hairstyle, and I like the colour

This was actually so chic for the time though - the super long bangs covering one eye, the streaks, so 2009

Kiseop, looking amazing as always in the back with the quintessential bad boy flower boy hair

And Soohyun with a very standard 2009 male idol hair, but a little edgier

Blond is not Eli's colour, I'm sorry but I hate that they made him blond so much from 2009-2013 because I think he looks best with dark hair, or that red hair from PaNiC!

And I'm also not a fan of the hairstyle he had from 2009-2010, he looks best with it styled away from his face because then his eyes get emphasized

Xander is rocking a tall wannabe-slightly-off-centre pompadour

Dongho has what I've seen described as a 'baby bonfire' (and it's even red!!!)

I'm gonna go off on a rant real quick, but I actually hate Full Blondie!Kevin so much

I don't know what it is, but he's only had one full blond look that I didn't hate when they did the Love On U MV

I hate his blond hair in MMHN, I hated it Alone, I'm not counting the blond/caramel highlights from 2014~2015, and I hate his blond hair right now

Something about it makes me react like an aggressive possum

It washes him out a lot, especially if the colour is super light like in MMHN, and the lipstick (or lack thereof) isn't really doing him any favours

At least this blond look is styled to not show off the hairline because speaking as someone with a similar skin tone and large forehead, blond roots make us look like we're balding

Moving on, the shoulder dance is so iconic

The heel bouncing, the 'ripping my heart out of my chest and throwing it away' choreo, legendary I tell you

This is such a funny shot and I think it's because the lipstick is making him look like sick Victorian child

The random shots of Kevin in the car are killing me like why is it yellow? Could NH not get like a cool red car, a sleek black car, or what?

He's not even driving what are you doing where are you going

I like his silver jacket though I wouldn't wear it, but I like it

Also, Kevin's heavily styled hair just flapping around while they dance because it's so long, but also not even losing its shape is great

Oh, I really unironically love these outfits I'm a sucker for suits/suit-adjacent looks

Kevin's sparkly blue dress shirt is great, and the sublte blue details everyone has

Eli and goofy hats, almost as iconic as Eli and terrible one-liners

Isn't this the same alley set they used when they filmed Quit Playing? It also kinda looks like Love On U too

Love that the direction here is clearly 'look brooding'

Kibum posed the hell outta that shot, good for him

Can't make out their expressions, but Xander and Kiseop look like they're serving something

Soohyun and Kevin are making me laugh, as always like why are you both trying to look cool by the wall

I love Kibum's random scarf so much like you don't understand

It's so random, so out of place, and he's working the hell out of it to look brooding and cool

And so with the fashion zeitgeist at the time we were really accessorizing everything with anything just because we could

"YEOUGATEUN GIRL" you will always be famous

More peak emo bad boy flower boy idol shots

I love how this MV is also clearly low budget too, but feels less cheap than its predecessors just because they spent all the budget on clothes, hairstyling tools, Kibum's scarf, and the car they only used for like 3 shots

There's about 3-4 sets used here - the warehouse set where they shot most of the group dance, did some solo shots against the white brick wall, and probably the car scene too; the wood panel room where they did the other solo shots, the white backdrop for the rest of the group dance, and they narrow alley that I think actually might just be a part of the warehouse set

7.25/10 There's not as much to make fun of compared to the other two, and not as much to cringe at. Yes I cringed at Blond!Kevin, but that's personal beef and not an actual sin, and honestly, it just feels like such a 2009 boy group MV. No plot, just dancing and solo shots where they attempt to smoulder with varying degrees of success

ManManHaNi (Stages) | Highest viewed stage 772k Music Core

Like the MV, I don't think I've watched any of their music stages for MMHN in years (not including the MMTG stage, and concert stages, obviously)

So I tried to find the earliest stage of this, and what I got was an Inkigayo one dated 091108, so let's do that one first then the HD MuCore one

Firstly, this choreo was made for Dongho, like he's so effortlessly arrogant it's amazing

Secondly, I love the opening choreo of them just kind of rolling their necks and fixing their clothes it's so fitting

It's only 480p, but bear with me. Love 5/7 of these outfits I'm a huge fan of the military-esque top, and tell those don't look like something a boy group would wear nowadays

I like the weird culotte-cut pants because this is the transition era between baggy 2000s pants to the skintight look of the 2010s

Thank you stylists for giving the right people the sleeveless tops

It's all sooooo late 2000s bad boy - the black/gold colour scheme, the random embellishments like they were just attacked by a craft store, the dramatic visual kei-inspired hair, the gloves, the boots, the thick guyliner, I love it

Unfortunately, they still have those pasty lips :/

That part is so aggressive it's so 2009 that was trendy

Love love love his jacket it's absolutely gorgeous, and I bet they blew the entire comeback budget on it

The camera dude zooming in on Kibum every time they do the MMHN bit before quickly zooming out is sending me

I like his top too - less embellished than Kevin's but still a very stylish military tunic

I like the less blond look, but still don't love it. I'm also kinda torn on whether I like his outfit or not since I love the epaulette and chains, but I'm not a fan of the vest

Same thing with Kiseop I like the aiguillette and gold lining, but I think the cut of the top is just bland

Xander's is borderline because it's so overly-embellished that it compensates for the simple top

Why do they all look mildly frightened here

Also, I think Xander and Kibum are both wearing some kind of weird black/gold cloth around their waist? Or maybe it's from their tops? I don't know but it's flapping around

Not the camera pulling away when Xander does his fox sign why do you hate me

Kevin is particularly committed to this shoulder shimmy of MMHN like it's not that the others are slacking, but he's just doing it super aggressively

It's definitely live, you hear Soohyun and Kevin loud and clear, the rapping was live, Kiseop and Kibum were quiet but live, and the only part I think was lipsynced/had a super loud backing track was Dongho's bit but that's like a single word

On to the MuCore one so I can actually judge the dancing a bit more and see perhaps more than 8 pixels

It's not important but I like the starting shot on the disco ball

The bondage outfits!!!!

Dongho's slightly off-the-shoulder jacket is such a good design choice like I don't know if they tailored it to do that, or taped/pinned it or what, but it emphasizes the shoulder shimmies soooo well

I don't know what they did to Eli's hair I don't think his bleach would've washed out to that colour so quickly, and it's just such a weird colour

Actually love the "grabbing my heart and throwing it away" choreo

You can see who has good back flexibility and who doesn't lol

I'm surprised Eli didn't go lower because he's crazy flexible in his back as we saw in We Are Dating; not surprised about Kevin we know he can fold himself into a suitcase; Kiseop's pretty good from what I can see, not surprised about Dongho, Kibum, and Xander

Actually maybe Eli just didn't go low because he's not as committed to the bit as Kevin and Kiseop

Okay, I'll be fair it's equal parts flexibility and core strength, and I'm still not surprised by who's uber committed

ELI WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

Also oh my god his eyes are huge here

Dongho, Kiseop, and Kevin all serving face here, good for them

Tell me this choreo wasn't made for Dongho he's absolutely killing it

Soohyun looks a little pained

I know they need a wide stance for the heel bounces, but can we talk about how wide Kibum is? Love that for him

Another one of my favourite bits of MMHN

Circle formations in dances are always fun to do and interesting to watch

Kevin wags his finger a lot it's pretty funny

"YEOUGATEUN GIRL" come on camera guy just zoom in on xander for his moment

Looks like Soohyun's about to shove Dongho aside

And an unflattering mid-transition shot of Kevin

Camera guy is struggling to pick who to zoom in on for the final chorus

You know, I felt like I knew the MMHN dance from all those concerts and shows, but it turns out there's chunks of choreo they've simplified or just straight up discarded over the years

There's a whole bit with all the non-Soohyun members after Xander's last rap where they're just doing a bunch of dancing I've never seen before?

Again, footwork isn't super complex, but there's a lot of formation changing, a lot of entering/exiting circles and back into a line

When they do the leaning circle thing when Soohyun's singing "ddeo-olla", that actually requires a lot of core, glutes, and lower back work

The shoulder shimmies during the chorus would need a lot of core muscles too because their alignments are all fairly straight (or at least it should be)

It's also so weird to see them attack the choreo with so much aggression, like yeah they usually commit to MMHN choreo anyway, but there's just that extra snap they had for the music stages

Guess performing it a couple hundred times a year sucked the fun out of it, huh?

But overall, lots of improvement from Talk To Me

Kevin and Kiseop still stand out as the best dancers with the most committment and ease of movement

Dongho is another standout, mostly due to how well-suited he is to the choreography, and by this point he was a pretty competent dancer

Soohyun is a bit harder to tell because he has less dancing parts, but he's never disappointed me

Xander, Eli, and Kibum all blend in well, which again, is a virtue in group dancing

They all look so confident and comfortable on stage, and they're all much better at working the camera, it's kinda crazy to see how much they improved from Not Young

Singing here is live too, clearer than the Inkigayo one, though that might just be a mic/video quality thing

7.75/10 enjoyable to watch, no back pains from cringing, and they're committed to the concept.

Just as a bonus, here's some more costumes they wore while promoting MMHN because I think that's the most important part of a comeback lol

Love the jacket colour it's so pretty

And the tight pants so with the times

Not the recurring trash bag material

But the all-black look is so bad boy

Not the suit tops paired with the golden trash pants

There's a lot going on with those jackets

Peak 'attacked by a Michaels before the music show' look

The random feathers, ruffles, embroidery for god knows who, chains galore, the randomly recurring houndstooth pattern, fringes because why not, I love it

OK! | YouTube Music 368k | Spotify 29k

I actually do like this song, like unironically it's on some of my regular playlists

This is a Kevin song featuring Soohyun, Xander, Eli, Dongho, and Kibum + 4 words from Kiseop, bless his heart

NH really hired him for his looks and gave him nothing

Never bothered to look up the lyrics until now, so I thought it was just a dance song, but I was wrong

Rare anti-simp song that also isn't anti-woman, truly impressive for the time

It's basically just them going "oh I was such a stupid doormat who let my girl walk all over me but now I freed myself and I'm sexy free and single and out to party"

Also an ongoing theme of being like a beggar to this girl

Normally, especially after looking at the lyrics, I would advocate for this to be a Soohyun-centric song because his voice has that bitterness that suits the concept

But I think with the brighter music and the self-deprecating lyrics, Kevin's sweet voice really does suit this better

Like he really does give the right balance of bitter remorse and optimism

Kevin and Kiseop splitting lines is so very dear to my heart

Even though the autotune kills some of this, I've always felt that their voices complement each other very well

Keep a pin in that because I'll be coming back to harp on this later many many times

No funny Eli one liners, but we got some great ones from Dongho and Xander

"I can go to club again" Yeah it makes sense with other half of the line being guilt-free, but something about the way Dongho says this is sooo funny

"I don't love you no more it's time to gotta go" Thank you, Xander

Also, this song talks about getting drunk at the club, and how many of them could even drink at this time? Weren't you guys just at the Mickey Mouse Club?

7.75/10 The autotune, while a stylistic choice I understand, really dampens their voices, but overall I really like this song - it's fun, catchy, bright, and with some silly one liners, which is all I could really ask for

So, I actually have two fun facts for today because the first is really short, and the second is less fun and not even that unknown, just kind of fascinating.

Around this time, I think either during or right after their MMHN promotions (not sure, but definitely in this timeframe because Kevin still has that cursed blond hair), Kiseop was in a variety show about ulzzangs. They bring in Soohyun as a guest for an episode, and they're supposed to try to shock each other by exposing secrets, and Soohyun just loudly and semi-proudly declares that Kiseop and Kevin borrowed his laptop, and when he got it back, he found porn.

And Kiseop, my boy Kiseop, just goes "yeah that's true", and I want you to keep a pin in that because it'll come up again next album.

The next not-so-fun fact is oh my god they've done so many different versions of MMHN. They have the original Korean version, the Japanese version, a blended Korean-Japanese version, and then all the different lineups. What I've learned from collating this information is MMHN requires just two people to work, and here are the lineups I'm aware of:

Xander, Soohyun, Kibum, Eli, Kevin, Dongho, Kiseop | 2009-2010

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Dongho, Kiseop, AJ, Hoon | 2011-2013

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Dongho, Kiseop, Hoon | 2012

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Kiseop, Hoon, AJ | 2013-2014

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Kiseop, Hoon | 2014

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Kiseop, Hoon, Jun | 2014-2017

Soohyun, Eli, Kiseop, Hoon, Jun | 2017

Eli, Kiseop, Hoon, Jun | 2018

Soohyun, Kevin | 2020

Soohyun, Hoon | 2021 (I don't know if there's a full version of it)

Soohyun, Hoon, Kiseop | 2023

Soohyun, Hoon, Kiseop, Eli, Xander, AJ/Siyoon | 2023

Soohyun, Hoon, Kiseop, Xander, Siyoon | 2023

Soohyun, Hoon, Kiseop, Eli, Xander | 2023

Why the hell is their lineup so unstable? It's like once a few years pass, they have to change lineups. Also, insane that Soohyun has only not been in one version, and Hoon has only missed one since joining.

Oh, well I guess the real fun fact is that they've had 3 songs where all 10 have performed it at some point - Not Young, MMHN, and Without You, hilariously.

So we're closing off their rookie era now, and into...actually, I'm not sure what to call 2010 as. Their success years? Don't really know, but I'm excited we're coming up on Bran New Kiss where I have a whole essay prepared on the vocal line because I think they're absolutely fascinating.

UKISS Era - Cringe Rookies - Complete!

[rozinaaa]

Coming of Age at the Dawn of the Social Internet

I have found another article written from the perspective of a millennial, so I would assume that they're about 10-20 years older than me as they would have been born somewhere roughly between 1980 and 1995, which would mean that they're old enough to have lived a decent childhood before logging onto AOL when they were in high school, although the article itself is from The New Yorker, so it might potentially be paywalled: Chayka, K. (2024, January 13). Coming of Age at the Dawn of the Social Internet. The New Yorker. https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-weekend-essay/coming-of-age-at-the-dawn-of-the-social-internet

The article essentially offers a potted and personalised history of a person that has essentially grown up with different forms of social media, from it being an innocent way to catch up with people after school for about one hour per evening (where being online wasn't the default way of existing, so it was normal to only be online every now and then, since being extremely online back then was typically reserved for computer nerds), to it gradually becoming more streamlined and frictionless, where the author grew up, lived in different parts of the world, and eventually adopted newer forms of social media (initially as a way to catch up with others, but in a modern way), before it became awry, as the major social media platforms started to prioritise algorthimcally curated content (personalised for each user due to an ungodly amount of data collection and surveillance) above content posted in a reverse chronological order, which meant that the author (and everyone else) saw less updates from their friends and the people that they actually followed, but were forced to see a constant bombardment of adverts and the posts that happened to have the most engagement on them.

Ironically, I've realised, the smaller the computer has become, the more addictive and frictionless the social internet has become, essentially forcing everyone to stay online for as long as possible, because although clunky desktops ruled the 90's and some of the 2000's, there was usually one per household (essentially making it a family computer, where everyone shared it (which was very similar to the way that I accessed the internet during my childhood), and of course enforced time limits, so that everyone could have a fair share and the same opportunity of being able to access the internet), often placed in the most public part of the house (that was the case for me, as it was placed under the stairs and in the hallway, possibly as a way for my parents to keep an eye on what me and my slightly younger brothers were doing on the computer, although it was placed there for practical reasons, since a knocked out cellar was the only logical place to house a computer), so that everyone would know how much time you would have spent online.

Thankfully, I've never had to deal with dial up internet (paired with that distinct dialup noise, although this would essentially create a somewhat tactical journey to the internet, possibly almost similar to commuting, where you have the time to think about the things that you're going to do), since I probably would have found that annoying, so to me, using the internet, and phoning someone are simply two separate things.

This potted history is almost similar to mine, although my experience of using the internet roughly starts from around 2005 (mainly to play games, where I distinctly remember Internet Explorer crashing on me the first time I ever used it), where social media doesn't enter my mind until I started high school in 2012, although I do remember feeling extremely guilty for signing up to the major social media platforms when I was about a year or so too young to use them (since you had to be at least 13 years old to use them, and I was about 11 or 12 at the time), but I never understood why I felt that way until the pandemic rolled around and completely changed my perspective, as I was made aware of what those platforms were actually like, which explains the feelings of guilt (like I was going to get caught out for being just a bit too young to use social media) that I had, although it all makes sense now.

This also makes me think of my gen alpha sister (who was born in 2016), and how her childhood is already a lot more different to mine, from when I was her age 15 years ago, and how so much has changed since then, where her way of accessing the internet is through a hand-me-down iPhone 8 (whereas my way to get online was to use the family computer), in which she spends all of her waking hours (she uses her phone so much, that she has to put her phone on charge at least 2-3 times per day) using it to watch TikToks (and other forms of extremely short form content) as well as playing lots of online games, and watching content about said games on TV, to the point where I sometimes have to forcibly take her phone so that she can do other things, although this doesn't usually end well.

To be honest, given the fact that my sister was born at a time where using phones and social media was (and still is) the norm (whereas the internet in general has always felt normal to me, although smartphones came later on), I don't blame her (although when she was born, she already gave me the vibe that she was a social media influencer in the form of a newborn baby, and had she been born twenty years earlier, she definitely would have become a social media influencer, mainly due to her extroverted and girly personality, as opposed to me being introverted and tomboyish all my life), so I think personality also plays an important role in how they view the social internet, as well as the year in which someone was born.

Comparing my childhood to my sister's already makes me feel like I'm a boomer that would criticise their millennial child for using the internet, although there was arguably a lot less internet back then compared to now, where there's a firehose of information, no matter where you go.

This also makes me think of my Gen X parents (both born in the middle/late 70's), where phones and computers only started to become a thing when they were roughly my age in the 90's (but even then, only actual business people and large institutions had them), which means that they possibly remember a mostly analogue life, where there were only four channels on the TV, no internet, and a computer was nothing more than a beige box with a terminal on it, which seemed deeply uninteresting to my mother (and probably still does, but then again, she has a similar personality to my sister, and usually relies on me to do anything that's somewhat technically challenging), although I probably would have been over the moon if I actually lived in the 90's and saw a computer like that, obviously trying to ignore the stigma of being a girl that was interested in computers as it was a fairly male dominated thing at the time, but I personally wouldn't have cared, considering the fact that I grew up with two brothers, which might have influenced my core personality.

In short, I came of age just before the pandemic hit, so I remember having a balanced online/offline life (using the family computer was just one of the things that I did, mainly to play games and unintentionally start my career in graphic design, since when I wasn't using the computer, I was either playing out on the streets, or creating things in different ways), before getting a phone when I was in high school and signing up to all the social media platforms that I knew about, which is what caused to me get plunged straight into the deep end, something which I'm now desparately trying to get out of as I now try to maintain a healthy balance between being online and offline, which is increasingly difficult to do.

Additionally, this also makes me think about old people (although it feels mean to call someone old, just because they've spent at least three of my lifetimes on this planet), who have spent a large majority of their life without having to rely on technology (to the point where they've spent most of their adult working life without having to stare at a screen for 8 hours, unless they had a career that revolved around science and technology), where they're now suddenly forced to use new things if they want to be able to keep up with the times after having spent almost a lifetime of doing things the analogue way, so to these people, the internet is more of a utility than a place to hang out online, and if they do hang out online, it's probably going to be on Facebook of all places.

With all of this, I think it would be interesting to see how other generations (and other people of the same generation) have responded to the social internet over the past 30 years or so, as well as any contextual factors which would influence their way of thinking and doing things.

[kissagii]

𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕪 𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕟 - 𝕒𝕣𝕞𝕚𝕟 𝕩 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

this draft got deleted by an internet outage so i had to rewrite it :P

reader is gender neutral so anyone can enjoy <3

warnings: a little bit of cursing, very mild angst for a moment in the middle. reader is a musician, the instrument is not mentioned.

As a musician, you always incorporated your own emotions into what you played. It was instinct at this point. As you played through, the picture would paint itself faintly in your mind, and from there all you had to do was bring it further forward.

With nothing better to do, you picked out some old sheet music and began to play. It was a melodic piece, simple and reminiscent of spring. It had always made you visualize flowers, fields of them spreading as far as the eye could see.  As you began playing, muscle memory took charge, and you hardly payed attention to the sheet in front of you. It was a guide, nothing more. Your body remembered the motions, the feelings, the heavenly sensation of creating music.

Flowers did not cross your mind, not a single blossom or petal. The only visual was a smile, a bright one, on a face with bright blue eyes and messy blonde hair. Sweet and hopeful, just like the piece. A light in the darkness, curious, a dreamer. Perhaps matching the very essence of what you loved to play. Your mind wandered from the music, remembering his kind words, how calming his voice had been on those restless nights, how excitedly he'd told you about the discoveries he had made. And more than anything, you thought about how beautiful he was, practically shining in the gentle sunlight of the morning. How his lips always seemed so soft and-

Shit. Clearly, muscle memory and distracted thoughts were not enough to carry you through the difficult section. You stopped entirely, silently cursing yourself for getting so distracted. Practice was not the time for pining, it never was and never would be.

With a determined huff, you started again. Flowers, flowers, flowers. You repeated to yourself again and again, and surely enough, flowers you saw. Only a few, your favorite kinds, bundled together with simple greenery. They were being offered to you, by the same young man you had imagined earlier, a soft pink in his cheeks. Oh how you would love for this imaginary scene to be real. For him to see you in a different light, to hold you dear...

Again. Another wrong note. It wasn't even a difficult section, and your mistake was due to nothing but your own careless mind. You grumbled to yourself, in disbelief of how you could be so... smitten. Determined again, you steeled your nerves and cleared your mind of him.

You barely got a page into your next play through. It was as if he was haunting you, inexplicably connected to the song and clinging to it for dear life.

"Get out of my brain," You muttered to yourself, prepared to try one last time before giving up entirely. The music stared back at you tauntingly. You repeated your words again, louder this time. "Get. Out. Of. My. Brain!"

"[Name]? Are you okay?" A blonde head peeked through your door, concern in his sapphire eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just barged in, I just heard you playing and wanted to listen in but you sounded a little off then started talking to yourself so... is everything okay? Something on your mind?"

"Oh no, it's fine, this piece is just a little hard," You replied with a feigned smile. No way in hell am I telling him what happened... he'll think I'm insane.

"Mmm... you're lying," He said with a knowing smile, entering the door fully and taking a seat near you. "What's actually going on."

"I've just been a little distracted, that's it. No need to worry," You knew how worried he got at times, so you did your best to reassure him. After all, it wasn't exactly a problem that he was on your mind constantly, just an inconvenience. A really pesky inconvenience.

"Oh, alright! So that's why you were mumbling about getting out of your brain... do you want to talk about it? Maybe it'll help with the distractions? Unless it's something private or awkward because you probably don't want to talk about that, especially with me, but if you do then I'm all ears," Armin smiled at you sweetly, rambling as he had a tendency to do. It was endearing, the way he would talk and talk and then stop himself shyly.

"Well... uh..." You began, unsure of whether or not to be honest. Agh, forget it, it's now or never [Name]. "The thing that's been on my mind is... you." The words slipped out naturally, and as soon as you realized what you had said, you felt the flush creeping into your cheeks.

"Really?" He asked, a flash of excitement in his face, which was quickly replaced by a bit of fear. "Did I do something wrong? It was something I said yesterday during dinner, wasn't it?"

You were about to stop him, to tell him that he did nothing wrong, that you had adored every word from his mouth as he defended you from a carelessly rude comment by a fellow scout. But he kept talking, a genuine concern in his tone.

"I know you and Jean always got along it's just... I don't know... Something about it sat wrong with me. He shouldn't have said those things, even if he didn't mean it. I'm sorry for jumping in like that, it really wasn't my place. Please forgive me."

"Armin, don't worry about it," You reached out to take his hand gently in yours. It was warm and trembling slightly. "Thank you for saying what you said, I would've let him get away with it. You haven't done anything wrong, so don't think you have. The thing is... I've been thinking about you a lot because I think I'm in love with you."

"Really?" He asked with a soft disbelief, squeezing your hand slightly. "You feel this way too?"

"Yes. I think I'm in love with you Armin. And every time I try to play, all I can picture is you. All I can ever picture is you," Your [color] eyes held his, watching as his cheeks pinked and he looked away bashfully.

"[Name], I think.. I think I'm in love with you too. Could you play the piece for me? The one you were playing that reminded you of me?" Again he looked at you, offering an enamored smile that filled your heart with joy.

You obliged him, and stared once more at the sheet music that had been giving you so much trouble. But this time was different, that much you could tell.

The smiling face in your peripheral vision guided you smoothly through the piece.

[leahblackk]

Do you dare?

(Thanks to @writer-in-theory for this amazingly beautiful moodboard. I can’t thank you enough for this)

Summary: Spencer visits his favourite library, but then he sees a notebook with the title “do you dare?” that catches his attention… would he dare?

Warnings: none?

Taglist: @ssavanessa22, @all-tings-diego, @doctorspenceryeet, @cance1medaddy, @hey-dw, @demigirl2007, @matthew-gray-gubler-lover, @nomajdetective, @reidselle

If you wanna join my taglist please press the notebook 📕

Disclaimer: this fic is based on the Netflix show “Dash & Lily” which is also a book, whoever it’s not as exactly.

thanks to @reidselle for being my beta reader and for leaving such kind comments!

Spencer Reid, the young genius doctor did not consider himself as someone adventurous and someone who got out of his comfort zone as much, he liked the feeling of the known, of the routine, something he already knew, something he has experienced before. The feeling of trying new things gave him bad feelings, anxiety even.

Already saying this, he got out of work, thankfully without cases and he went to his favourite library, one ha hasnt had the chance to go after being busy with paperwork and cases at work, apparently criminals did not have free days, therefore, neither did they.

He hugged himself closer, the snow falling down the sky. The winter came along with the lights of Christmas, something Spencer was excited about; He loved Christmas like a little kid would. Even though he didn't have a great childhood he had good memories from this holiday. He remembers how the city would light up and there was music and Christmas carols everywhere. 

He sighs as he sees the light outside of the window of the library, books also being there to draw attention to the people who passed by.

When he entered the place, the sweet smell of old and new books made him feel like he was floating, and now there was no cold. 

“Good evening, doctor Reid,” the girl who was in the information desk greeted Spencer. The truth is, almost everyone knew him there. He spent half of his time taking it as his second home. 

Spencer does his typical smile, “Hello.”

The woman sweetly smiles, “Something interested in reading?” 

Spencer shakes his head, “I'm not sure really. Probably gonna read the same books,” he said. 

And that was because he had read half of the books that could be found in the library, and let's say the library wasn't as small as other people would think. From the outside it seems so, but once you enter a surprise would be shown.

Spencer smiles at the girl to then go to the shelves trying to find his next reading. He takes more than one book as he reads faster than other people, but there was a red notebook, not a book but a notebook between the other informative books. He frowns, they almost never place the books wrong. He takes the notebook and makes his way to the desk, but he sees the cover and its black messy words as if they were handwritten.

“Do you dare?” 

The frown still prominent, and curiosity takes place, he opens the book, one, two, three pages blank until the actual words appear.

What is better than a clue game, don't you think? I've left some clues for you, if you want them, turn the page. If you don't… put the notebook back on the shelf. 

Spencer, captivated by the narration, quickly turns the page.

So you decided to play, an interesting choice. Shall we begin?

Spencer, again, turns the page as fast as he can. He has never felt this curiosity within him, he wants to know more. As he turns the page he sees eight blank lines, apparently he has to write on them. His gaze goes down where the instructions are.

A coded message, you can decipher with the right books, only if you can find them. Simple rule; If you bother to use your phone while playing, put the notebook back on the shelf. 

Spencer chuckles, he doesn't like the Internet anyways. 

Your first clue requires good taste. Look for astronomy, especially something that might have cosmo on their title.

Spencer slightly opens his mouth to think about all the astronomy books he has read and knows that have cosmos in their title, but then he remembers; If the notebook is in this specific library, it means the book must be there as well.

He closes the notebook and makes his way to the astronomy section, one he loves going from time to time. He looks between the variety of books until he finds the one; Calculating the Cosmos; How mathematics unveils the Universe. 

He opens the notebook again, where's the code?

96/8/1-2

Spencer knows what that means. He opens the book on page 96 he looks for the fourth paragraph and looks for the first and second word. When he finds them, he takes his pen out of his pocket and writes on the lines.

There are

He can't help but frown, there are?

Now, this one is in ancient Greece, gods wikipedia. Maybe something that has fable on its cover?

He knows, the age of fable.

He walks to where he knows that book is and grabs it.

177/4/5-6

There are too many

He's getting closer to completing the sentence and his excitement cant stop growing and growing. 

Let's keep it with the Greeks shall we? What are your thoughts on the name Homer?

The odyssey, 727/3/2-3

There are too many lonely hours

I hope you know this one. Feminism, writing, music, romance, women. Rings a bell?

Little Women 23/7/38-39

There are too many lonely hours on Christmas

And without noticing, Spencer completed the sentence, yet the frown was still prominent on his forehead. 

He turns the page hoping to get some explanation, and there is one. He sits down on the floor, his back against the shelf, and carefully reads. 

Congratulations! You successfully completed the sentence.

A few rules before I explain that sentence. If you're not a boy older than twenty, please return the notebook back on the shelf, if you have used the internet even if I said not to, return the notebook back on the shelf, and if you're a creep… obviously return the notebook back on the shelf.

Now, you're probably wondering what I meant by that. We are a few weeks into December, also well known as Christmas month. The truth is, I can't stop thinking there are too many lonely hours in this month. You get your presents, you get all the things for the special date, you decorate, but sometimes there is this void that does not fill up, not even with the most beautiful house with the most beautiful decorations. Don't get me wrong, is not that i don't like Christmas, but people call it the happiest month, but you can see the sadness in people's eyes, the pain…There are too many lonely hours on Christmas even if you spend with your loved ones, there are too many lonely hours when you've done so much and you just don't know what else to do. Don't you ever get this feeling?

When is gonna happen is up to you. Let me know your feelings about Christmas, leave the notebook on the information desk and if I like your answer, you might hear from me.

Spencer sighs, and bites his lip. He grabs his pen once again and turns the page and starts writing. 

He closes the notebook with shaky hands, hoping they like his answer. He reads one, two, three times to make sure his answer is well written and explain what he wants to say. He sighs and puts his pen back where it belongs, standing up and walking to the information desk.

“Hi,” he nervously said. 

“Hi,” the girl turns around and sees the notebook in his hand. Her smile grows.

“Uh they told me to leave the notebook here?” 

The girl nods, “Yes, yes. She's gonna be happy to read your answer,” she takes the notebook and puts it in a drawer. Spencer smiles, she.  “Do you know her?” He can't help but want to know more about this mysterious girl.

“I'm not sure if i can tell you about her… but she's nice, and pretty i promise, “ Spencer chuckles and nods.

“Okay i uh… I'll be back then,” the girl nods and Spencer waves goodbye. 

He leaves the library nervous and goes home just the same, thinking about the mysterious girl and hoping and wishing to the universe for her to answer back.

Y/n made her way back to the library excited when her cousin told her someone answered her notebook. She thought no one would even see it, but thanks to the universe everything worked in her favour. She held her cardigan closer to her body watching her converse move on pilot mode. 

She entered the library and sighed, the beautiful and usual warmth gave her a hug, taking the cold of the streets out of her bones. 

“Y/n you're not gonna believe it,” her cousin approached with the notebook in her hand, “Hes-” but before she could say more, Y/n shut her up. 

“No! I don't wanna know…” she said, grabbing the book. 

“Why?” 

“I want to get to know him through his words, through the notebook, besides it would be cheating,” Y/n explained, her cousin nodded and she smiled going to her little spot to read what he had to say.

Hello, my name is Doctor Spencer Reid… maybe it is a little unfair you knowing who I am and me not knowing who you are, but I just want you to know I'm not a creep and you're safe with me. May I mention how this might be a little dangerous to do? But I don't wanna ruin the mood. I read your words, and I totally agree. My feelings about Christmas are various. Sometimes I feel joy. I have good memories about this holiday, my mom used to read all the classic books and sing Christmas Carols to me, but since I grew up, I am either working or I don't wanna spend Christmas with my friends. They all have a family they have to return to at the end of the day. A wife, kids… I have none of that, just my books and it is rather sad, but I guess that's the life I chose to live. Sometimes it can be stressful. I hope my answer is enough for you , and for me to hear about you. 

If, i have the amazing opportunity for you to answer back, I would like for you to answer this question. 

What makes you feel less lonely?

With love and curiosity, SR. 

She smiled at his words, it felt like she could hear his voice while she read. She imagined the person he might be… a doctor. Why was a doctor reading and participating in her silly little game? She did not know, yet it excited her to know more about this mystery man. 

She remembers how she felt lonely this Christmas, how she saw her coworkers leave and brag about the perfect Christmas with their respective families…It wasn't like she was not happy about them, of course she was! They deserve the best… but didn't she deserve the best as well? 

She shakes her head and turns the page ready to answer his question, her heart squeezes with excitement because he's participating as well. 

She rants and rants on the pages explaining her feelings to this unknown man but she feels like she knows him, maybe it is the hope of finding this true soulmate she has been searching for, or maybe because he gave her the chance to open up, and she gives him the chance as well. 

“I'm gonna leave the notebook between the greek mythology books, tell him is there, okay?” Y/n says. 

Her cousin just nods, and Y/n goes to her home, laying on bed thinking about him. 

Spencer first thing in the morning goes to the library, the curiosity not letting him go to work first. His heart jumps up and down with excitement, and his hands sweat, he doesn't know why he's so nervous but he honestly doesn't pay as much attention. 

He opens the door, the girl in the information desk there as always, and Spencer makes his way, before he asks the question, she answers with a smile, “Between the Greek mythology books.”

Spencer smiles, “Thank you.”

He makes his way there, playing with the end of his satchel, and he sees the notebook. Without thinking more, he grabs it and reads through. 

Hello, Spencer. Thank you for being so thoughtful and kind to give me your name and tell me about you. A doctor, huh? I would never even imagine I'd be talking through a notebook with a doctor, is not that is bad but i just never imagine it, it makes things more interesting though. 

Your question made me very happy, I'm glad you're participating just the same.

What makes me feel less lonely?

Would you do me a favour? Maybe consider this a dare even. 

Libraries are one thing that makes me feel less lonely, so many characters and some of them you can relate to, even. My favourite books also come from Greek mythology. I might say I am a very passionate fan. There is this National Gallery of Art in the constitution ave, here in DC. They have beautiful Greek mythology paintings, you might go and once you are there answer my question.

If you could relate to one Greek god, who would it be?

Spencer happily smiles, looking down at his watch. He still has time. 

He makes his way out of the library and takes the metro, while being there reading her words over and over, looking at her handwriting. He didn't even think of profiling her, he does that all the time, it's something that's there in his brain, but no, he wants to meet her through her words, to know what she has to say. 

He still doesn't know her name, he wonders the way she would sound saying his and without noticing, he arrives. 

He goes directly to the mythology art, he looks at every single detail in the canvas, the colors, the characters. He knows about mythology, but one of the paintings draws his attention. The name of the painting is “Apollo pursuing Daphne.”

He knows Apollo, of course he does. It has been Spencer's favourite Greek god, he never knew why, but now she made him see. 

Apollo being the greek god of light, music, healing in other stuff. One of the Olympians. His myth with Daphne wasn't as romantic, rather tragic. He remembers reading about how Apollo was mocking the god of love, Eros, and the god watching him do so. He threw two arrows, one of gold and one of lead. One to Apollo, who fell so hard for Daphne, and one for Daphne, that made her hate Apollo. 

Daphne in her desperate state, pleaded to her mother, Gaea, to help her because Apollo kept chasing her, and then she became a laurel tree, which then Apollo claimed at his sacred plant.

But this one wasn't the only bad experience in the love field the god had.

Spencer felt like Apollo. Feeling like he had a bad curse in the love field, one of his lovers dying just like Apollos. 

He looked down at the blank page, and decided to write his feelings down.

“Lover boy left the notebook,” Y/n's cousin, Jolene, said. 

Y/n rolled her eyes and grabbed the book, making her way at the back of the library. His handwriting was messy, and for some reason that attracted her even more.

She opened the page where they were left. His explanation was long, making her excited. 

Apollo. That's my answer. 

I know you like Greek Mythology and I'd bet Apollo is your favourite Greek god, and he is mine. I relate to his myth, not much in general, after all how would you relate to a god, but in the lovers' part…. It's not that I dated a lot in my life, but the little ones I've experienced made me feel like I mocked Eros and he threw an arrow at me, and not the gold one. 

I don't like talking about it, but you, mystery girl, bring that part of me I don't let people see, at least not easily. Funnily enough how my coworkers of years don't know half of the way i'm feeling, and you know it almost all and i'd be honoured to tell you it all, if you let me, of course.

Now is my turn to give you a dare, if you call them so. 

Go to the immersive Van Gogh exhibit here in DC, and tell me which of his paintings you feel attracted to the most. 

With love, SR.

She smiled softly, and sighed out of love. The little detail he has of putting his initials makes her heart squeeze, and love his notes even more. 

She gets up walking to the exit with confident steps and a smile on her face, Jolene frowns, “Where are you going?”

“The Van Gogh exhibit,” she says, still walking.

“Bitch… it's midnight…”

“Oh true…” Y/n says turning back around, “Nevermind.”

Road with Cypress and Star;

I could easily have said another one a few years ago, but while being there, the painting just being there in front of me made me feel a connection, a strange attraction I cannot explain. You see, I love astronomy, you might have noticed because of the first clue on the notebook, but it just calls me in. I love Van Gogh in general, but his illustration of it in some of his paintings might be one of my favourite things. So I must thank you for the experience. I wouldn't have discovered that so easily without your help, and now is your turn.

I bet you've read Edgar Allan Poe, so, if you have, tell me the first work you've read of him, and your favourite at the moment, and if you haven't then go and read one!!

How demanding, mystery girl. So bossy. 

And yes, luckily for both of us I've read his work. The first work I might have ever known was Annabel Lee, my mom used to recite it for me but read it on my own; The Masque of the Red Death. It was beautiful however my favourite work might be The Lake. 

Hope my likes are enough for you. 

With my love, SR. 

The Lake? Burn out genius kid, are you? How does it feel to be so cool? And yes, your likes are enough for me, I also read The Masque of the Red Death for a school thing, and I ended up loving his work, and hey don't hurry up in asking me which one is my favourite! 

Oh sorry, sorry! I might ask you if you tell me your name. I want to know the beautiful name behind such a mastermind. 

With all my love, SR. 

Oh please! You're the mastermind here… Wanna know my name? You gotta earn it… with a dare. 

A dare? How exciting. I'm in. 

Yours, SR. 

Oh well, such an adventurous soul. We've been talking for quite a while, and these moments have been incredible. You've read about me and I've read about you but here is the real question… Do you know me, Doctor Reid?

Such a deep question. And my answer is; I absolutely do, mystery girl. 

Yours, SR. 

I hope you're right about that one. Because the way you're gonna earn my name is through knowing me. I've talked about books with you, but my favourite i've never mentioned, if you know me, like you say you do, then go ahead. My name is in a paper between the pages of my favourite book, good luck, doctor ;)

Spencer breathed in and out, chuckling at the same time. The air has been stolen, by no one else than the mystery girl. She had this beautiful energy, and Spencer couldn't get enough. Her dares, questions and way to write did nothing but excite him, to make him want more of her, and his feelings had been growing and growing with every letter, every period, every coma and every character in those pages. 

Her favourite book? Spencer thinks. He thinks about all their conversations, which luckily he has tattooed on his brain, maybe because of his eidetic memory, or maybe because of what he feels, but he does and he doesn't care how or why, he just does. 

Her favourite book, one she must appreciate beyond words, one she could, maybe, read every once in a while, something that spoke about her and who she was… For some, it might be difficult to decipher, but for him, oh for him, it was clearer than cristaline water. 

He walks up, where he knew her favourite book was and made his way to the shelves, his fingertips touching the margins of every book while reading their title, until he came up with hers. He took it and held it in his hands, smiling at the cover, and opening the book, a paper fell off of this o and he leaned down to grab it, turn it around to read the words. 

Apparently you do know me, and because of it, you have truthfully earned my name. Hope it was what you thought it might be. 

Truthfully yours, Y/n.

He smiles while holding the thin paper, he doesn't know why he should be happier, the fact that he does know her, or the fact he knows her name. Y/n… Y/n… it sounds so right in his mouth, and mind. 

He decides to be happy for both, and keeps the paper in his satchel, he sits down and writes to her once more.

Hello, Y/n, my mystery girl. It feels nice to know your name, finally. I might have to mention it matches your personality, or at least what you have given me the privilege to know. 

Hopefully, when the time is right, we can put a face to the beautiful name. 

Always yours, SR. 

“Come on! It's gonna be fun…” Jolene begs, once again. 

Y/n sighs, while reading Spencer's most recent words, she might have let one or two squeals while reading it, but he didn't have to know that. On the other side of the story it was Jolene, who tried to convince Y/n to go to her party, one Jolene's friends had invited her, wanting Y/n to come along. 

“I don't wanna go to a party, those are boring,” Y/n said. 

“It's not a party… it's a reunion… at a friend's house… where alcohol might make an appearance.”

Y/n rolls her eyes for the fifth time that evening, “Come on, i don't wanna be alone,” Jolene begged for the last time. 

Y/n groans, “Fine, but if I'm bored I'll let you there.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” Jolene says as she makes her way out of the library, “My friend is an FBI agent, she might even know your secret man,” she moves her brows up and down. 

Y/n doesn't answer as she caresses the cover of her notebook, thinking about him again while making their way to the car, she wishes Spencer was there with her, he doesn't like parties either. 

Spencer, indeed, did not like parties, but being Emily's welcome home party, of course he had to go. Penelope offered to drive him to Derek's house, where the party would be, and how could he say no? 

“How many people are gonna be there?” He asks as he looks out the window. 

“I don't know, a few? You know how Emily is anyways, and Derek… he invited some friends too.”

Spencer nods, and sighs. He can't wait to go back to the library and find Y/n's response, he always looks forward to her responses. And thinking about her drove him to dreamland, not noticing Penelope parking the car. 

“Ready, boy wonder?” she asks, getting out of the car

“No,” Spencer answers, more to himself.

He makes his way inside, the house almost full of people he could even verily see his friends. The huge “Welcome home, Emily,” sign on the wall, and Emily with a hat while drinking and laughing. He shakes his head and goes to her, with a smile. 

“Spence!!” She says excited, obviously already drunk, and goes to him to hug him, Spencer tries to hug her back, but she's moving too much, “I'm so glad you're here.”

“Of course, how could I miss this?” He jokes. 

Emily smiles and then gasps, “Oh there is jello on the table over there, you love jello, right?”

“Yeah I do,” he chuckles. 

“Oh that's nice, then go and eat and im gonna try to find more drink,” she says before waving Spencer goodbye making her way to Derek. He shakes his head once again and goes to the table, another girl being there. She's grabbing jello too while she seems uncomfortable. 

Spencer frowns, probably she doesn't like parties. 

He looks at her, she's stunning, but not as stunning as he thinks Y/n might be, she looks concentrated in grabbing jello and Spencer looks at her, “Not a party person?” 

She looks up at him, he's stunning. Beautiful hazel eyes and brown curls falling on his face, but surely not as beautiful as she thinks Spencer is, however, she smiles, and shakes her head, “Not really, my cousin brought me here…” She says looking around for her, “And apparently she disappeared,” Spencer chuckles looking at her, “What about you?” she curiously asks 

He scrunches his nose, and shakes his head just like she did before, “Not really.. My friend Emily just came back from Paris, so,” she nods. 

“Oh yeah, she seems really nice,” it's now Spencer's turn to nod. 

“She is.”

They both sigh, and giggle. Spencer grabs a cup and puts the jello on his cup, “Im…” Spencer was gonna introduce himself, until Derek came up to him. 

“Pretty boy…” He giggles, drunk as fuck as well. 

“Morgan,” Spencer chuckles. 

Spencer turns around to look at the girl, but she's gone. He frowns looking around but she's nowhere to be seen. 

Morgan gasps, “I'm sorry… Did I interrupt you and that pretty girl?”

The young doctor shakes his head while looking down, “No, it's fine.”

“Oh, okay. Let's go with everyone else,” Morgan grabs Spencer by the arm and drags him to his friends.

He looks back looking for the girl, but she's not there. He feels weird inside, but decides to ignore it. 

Y/n bored of the party, makes her way to the library. Luckily for her, being a family property, she could get in and out whenever she wants. She opens the door, turning the lights on while walking around and breathing the air, the smell of books and the warmth that hugs her. Memories all over that library… getting to know Spencer being one of them, and she smiles and closes her eyes. Wishing, once more, he could be there with her. She can't take the feeling of not being able to hug him, to talk to him face to face, to just even see his eyes and hold his hands. She takes the notebook, but then, a page falls off of this one. She frowns and goes to pick it up.

I don't know when you're gonna find this page, hopefully soon enough. I am currently at the Van Gogh exhibit. The painting you talked to me about a few weeks ago is just in front of me, and I just can't take it anymore. The way you think, the way you describe things… Your taste, your personality, who you are, it's making me go crazy, and I can swear at you that I've never felt this love for anyone, ever before. Some might call me crazy cause I don't even know your name! I don't know what you look like, I don't know anything about you besides what you've written. But I know your mind, and I know your soul and I know your heart and that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Like psyche loved Eros, blindly but strongly, I love you, my mystery girl. I love you and your thoughts and your mind. I love your letters and your words, I love your handwriting and taste. I love you, and I pray to the Greek god of love for you to love me back, cause I don't know what I would do with myself if you don't. Maybe he would understand because he loved like I love you… He threw a gold arrow at me, and hopefully, this time, he doesn't throw the lead one at you. I love you, and I hope you love me back. 

Always and forever yours, Spencer Reid. 

Y/n giggles, at the same time she wipes her tears. She feels happiness, she feels loved for the first time, and she wants to tell him she feels the same.

“Y/n?” A voice speaks from behind. 

She jumps in her place as the book and the page falls onto the floor, and she turns around. It's the same man from the party… she frowns, who does he knows her name? But before she can get to ask, the realisation is there. 

“Spencer..” she lets out.

Spencer smiles, knowing he was right, but taking his time to look at her. She's gorgeous, just like he imagined her… his mystery girl, his dreams right there in front of him. 

“How did you…”

“I came to the library because I was feeling weird hoping it was open, and I saw you inside, reading the page…” he makes his way to her, leaning down to grab the items on the floor. Y/n looks down at him and follows his gaze as he stands up, slowly while looking at her, “So you read the page huh? I just wanna say that…” but before he gets to talk she kisses him. Spencer is speechless but he doesn't complain, dropping the items again on the floor, and Y/n chuckles against his lips. He smiles as his hands travel to her sides, stroking softly, and kissing her back. 

They eventually pull away, their forehead pressing against each other while trying to recover their breath. 

“Gold arrow,” she whispers, and Spencer smiles as he goes to her lips again, and again, and again. 

Two souls don't find each other by simple accident.

Maybe destiny, maybe Eros. Believe what your heart wants the most.

[urimaginespimp]

How You Get The Girl (This Love Final Part)

Bucky x Reader (elemental witch)

Set on TFATWS last episode

Note: Thank you to everyone that's tuned in, gave feedbacks, and liked/reblogged. I had to so much fun writing these! After this I’ll be working on oneshots completely unrelated to this story of several prompts.

We got a new Cap!

Previous Part: Untouchable

Marvel Masterlist

--------

“I’m serious, Shuri. I am over him.” you groaned as Shuri won’t wipe off the smug, disbelieving look on her face.

“Sure, Jan.” She replied getting up to continue on what’s she’s working on.

“Hey, I know that reference!”

“I’m just saying... Seven years of pinning over the guy – which five of it was when he was practically dead, by the way – and you’re telling me it took one confrontation for you to get over him.” She shrugged.

Some of the Dora Milaje were also in the lab, and you haven’t been vocal about it, but you didn’t miss the knowing looks they’ve been exchanging every time Bucky was brought in the conversation.

“Well, it would really be nice if you’re being supportive right now.” you sulked in your seat. Yeah, who were you kidding. Maybe you’re not completely, completely over him, but now you’re sorting to the fake it ‘til you make it method and so far, you’re doing well.

“Okay, fine. Want me to set you up with someone? My brother has some contacts around the world and I think with some buttering up he’d consider setting you up to bachelor royalties.” She wiggled her brows at you.

“May I suggest the Prince of Brunei? The internet says he’s looking for a wife.” One of the ladies snickered, making the others hum in approval.

“T’Challa knows him?” this piqued your interest. “He’s pretty hot.”

“Well make up your mind. It’ll take me a few business days of persuading my brother.” She raised her brows at you.

“It wouldn’t hurt to start dating. I’ll think about it first.” you muttered, missing how Shuri winked at the other ladies in the room. Ayo had told her in private about Bucky’s little confession to Zemo, and the princess has a few tricks up her sleeve to speed up the matchmaking process.

“I’m only staying for a few days more. It’s been a few weeks and Val’s been complaining from lack of sleep.” She’s been taking over your nightly escapades, and it’s starting to irritate her to be surrounded with so much booze but not being able to indulge.

Just then, Okoye enters the lab. “Check the news. There’s a live coverage of a hostage in New York. Sam and White Wolf are on it.”

--------

Bucky was looking over proudly as Sam was talking to the Senator.

Seeing Sam now walking over to him, he straightened up and cleared his throat. “Sorry, I uh was texting and all I heard was um a black guy in stars and stripes.”

They both chuckled, now walking side by side. “Nice job, Cap.”

“Thanks.”

--------

He’s done it. He told Yori the truth. Though now that might have been the end of their friendship, he knew the old man deserves the closure for his son.

Now back in his apartment, he took the notebook Steve once owned from his pocket, and opened it to the page where his list is. Looking over it, he saw that the only name left uncrossed is yours.

Just then, his phone pinged twice. One message was from Sam, and the other one from Shuri.

Sam’s read:

I wasn’t kidding when I told you

back on the boat that I’d get the

younger ones here to give you a

crash course on romance.

Check your email.

He rolled his eyes and opened the one from Shuri.

Y/N’s explained everything to us.

We saw you save those people,

White Wolf. Wakand is proud of you.

Brother says you’re welcome to

visit anytime. Take care!

p.s.

It’s good to know Y/N and you are

are on good terms. It finally allowed me

to set her up with one of the princes

mother’s been pestering me about. One less

off of mother’s list for me.

“Damn it, Shuri.” he groaned, reading the last part over and over again. He had to move fast. Heading over to his email, he opened the one from Sam.

The subject says:

21st century romance for reformed dummies.

There was an attached 60-second video. Clicking on it, he chuckled when Sam’s voice started booming behind the camera, where it showed two young girls and one boy, all around below 10 years of age.

“Okay, I gathered you here today because a cyborg friend of mine is need of help. I already filled you in the details necessary earlier, and all you have to do now is give him quick tips. Remember, talk slow.”

The boy on the middle spoke up. “Is she an avenger?”

“Not important, but yes. It’s the one with similar powers to an avatar.” Sam answered, followed by the two girls saying they know which one, and the boy to mutter ‘damn it I always had a crush on her...’

“Okay the first step would obviously be to say sorry.” the girl on the right said directly to the camera.

“Oh! Extra points if you do it standing like a ghost outside her door and it’s about to rain.” the other girl from the left perked up.

“I said he’s a cyborg, not a weatherman.” Sam commented, still behind the camera.

“Say you were afraid to tell her what you want.” the first girl spoke again.

“Six months is a long time to be afraid, man.” the boy in the middle spoke up this time.

“Try years.” Sam muttered.

“Then you say you want her for worse or for better!” The cheery girl exclaimed once again.

“You’ve been playing too many fake weddings, but yes, that could work.” Sam told her, making her beam, showing a missing tooth.

“Tell her you could wait forever and ever.” the boy added.

“I mean he’s already old enough to be your great grandpa but go on I guess.” Sam was snickering, causing the camera to slightly shake.

“Remind her of how it used to be. That is if he was good to her.” the more mature girl was pointing out. “Saying you’ll put her heart back together could also work.” she smiled, and the other one fake swooned on where she was standing.

“She’s right!” she exclaimed, while boy nods and says “that’s how it works.” at the same time.

Now turning the camera, Sam was now in frame.

“And that’s how you get the girl, Barnes. Straight from the local’s experts. Don’t fuck it up.”

And three voices scolded him for saying a bad word as the clip ends.

--------

It didn’t take long for him to take a flight straight to Norway where New Asgard was. This time without the aid of Zemo’s jet, he had to find the means to travel from the airport, while trying to calm his nerves.

As if the universe was on his side, a couple claiming to be heading back to Asgard allowed him to hitch a ride with them.

Now on the backseat, he tried to make small talk.

“So, uh, how are you guys settling in the planet?” he asked.

The lady on the passenger seat turned to face him with a smile. “It wasn’t easy, really. But the princess went out of her way to educate us about life here on Midgard. She’s so good at it, you’d forget she hasn’t even been living here a decade.”

He smiled. They claim you as their princess despite only being adopted by Thor. He recalls how you once rambled about being scared that they’d be indifferent towards you once Thor brings you to Asgard, one of the reasons you’ve been making up excuses to go with him.

“Why, would you look at that. We’re just in time before it starts raining.” The man driving commented.

Peeking through the window, sure enough, the sky was getting darker.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” he muttered. He might just take the little girl’s advice after all.

After getting out of the couple’s car, he ran straight to where he remembers your home was, just in time when Val just got out of your house.

“Hi. I don’t think we’ve formally met. I’m Bucky.” He greeted extending his ahand to her which she took. A skeptical look on her face.

“Call me Val. I’m sorry what are you doing here?”

“I need to speak to Y/N, please.” He answered truthfully.

“Well it’s about night time so she’s getting dolled up.” She answered

“I know, I know, it’s for her date. But that’s why I’m here.”

Val raised a brow, confused about what date he was getting all bummed about when you were only getting ready to go back to looking out for people out and about at night. But then it dawned to her that maybe this was some of your friend’s doing.

“Y-yes... the date.” She decided to play along, holding back a smirk. Just then, rain started slowly pouring, along with thunder. “Well shit, I have to help some folks get their kids back inside their homes now. You’re free to knock on her door.” She excused herself.

His own clothes were starting to get drenched when he finally knocked on your door.

No answer. He knocked again, louder this time. Now footsteps were heard coming to the door, and the knob turned as you opened it.

“Damn it, Val, the door’s not even lo-” You stopped talking, surprised at the figure that greeted you.

“Bucky... are you insane? Don’t just stand there, come in it’s raining hard.” he urged him to get in and closed the door behind you.

Facing each other, he was taking you in. Val wasn’t lying when she said you were getting ready for your date. He can’t believe he was already getting jealous of a faceless punk.

“So uh... what brings you here?” You decided to break the ice, fidgeting where you stood, still barefoot as it looked like you were gonna have to stay at home if it was going to rain this hard all night.

“Don’t go on the date.” he pleaded, confusing you.

“What?”

“Please don’t go on the date.” He repeated, now walking towards you.

There is no date, but now you were wondering why he’s telling you not to.

“Why?”

“I love you.” he answered without missing a beat, now stepping closer to you. Instead of the reaction he was hoping for, you scoffed and took a step back.

“Don’t pull a Laurie on me.” you replied, a frown etched on your face. He was confused.

“A Laurie?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen enough adaptations of Little Women to know that you’re pulling a Laurie on me.” You spat as a matter of fact. “You’re being really mean, stop it.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“What? I- I haven’t even thought of that reference!” he defends himself, cheeks reddening from embarrassment. “Amy was gonna get married, Y/N.”

“Oh then by all means, feel free to come back just after he proposes.”

“W- We’re getting sidetracked here, doll. I came here hoping there still an ounce of you that loves me. Please don’t tell me you’ve completely moved on from me.”

“What, like it’s hard?” you replied. It surprised you when his brows shot up from recognition of that line.

“Now you’re pulling an Elle Woods on me!” he pointed at you in an accusatory manner.

“Don’t point that finger at me, Barnes. How was I even supposed to know you’ve seen that movie?” you rolled your eyes, walking past him.

“I watched all the movies you told me about back in Wakanda.” he spoke up, making you stop in your tracks to face him again.

“Yeah, that’s right. I watched every movie, I listened to every song, read every book you recommended, and visited every internet site you once said I might like. I was always listening even when I made it seem like I wasn’t.”

You stared at him for a second looking for any indication that he was lying. Recovering from the mild shock, you pursed your lips. “I hope you know the Porn site was a joke. Sam did it to Steve once and I just thought it was hilarious.”

His mouth twitched. Walking over to you once more he stopped when he was only a step away, not breaking eye contact.

“I’m really sorry, Doll. I know it’s bold of me to even ask you, but please give me the chance to make it up to you. And I don’t care if it’s me that has to wait for you this time. Take all the time you need, just please don’t go on that date.”

“Bucky, there was never a date. I have no idea what date you were referring this entire time.” you confessed, making him bring his hands to his face and groan, muttering Damn it, Shuri.

Hearing Shuri’s name, you put two and two together. “Is this about Shuri trying to set me up with a prince?” he nodded as answer. “Well, I did tell her I was gonna think about it.”

He removed his hands away from his face. “Please say no.” He whispered. “I’d tell you what the kids told me what to say if I have to.”

“What kids?”

“Sam got a bunch of kids on video to teach me how to win you back. I’ve already stood under the rain outside your door just like what one of the girls suggested.” Judging from the grin on your face, he was now regretting even mentioning them.

“Well go on, then.” you urged. “Let me see how much you’ve learned.”

“The first time I saw you at the airport, I got so distracted looking at you just casually sitting on top if the ramps while we were preparing to fight. That wink you sent me that day is still engraved in my mind by the way. Then I was so taken back when you bluntly told me you’re attracted to me. I-”

“I don’t think the kids taught you to remind me of my attempts to flirt with you.” You cut him off, embarrassed at the memory. He chuckled at your expression.

“Okay, okay.” he took a deep breath.

“I think I started catching feelings for you the moment they woke me up from my cryosleep and you were there to be the first one to welcome me back. I didn’t think you were still gonna be there like you told me. But you were there, beaming at me like a ray of sunshine. All my years under HYDRA, every time I was woken up, I was only ever treated as an asset. But you welcomed me like I was a friend.” his eyes were starting to get glassy with tears, as he tried not to choke up.

“And then every time you were near, or even when I’d get a whiff of your perfume, I’d start feeling all warm inside and my entire body would be at ease, knowing you were an arm's reach from me. You were the last one I saw as I disintegrated from the blip, and you were the first one I sought out the moment we came back.” he was surprised when you reached forward to wipe away a tear he didn’t even realize had run down his cheek.

“I lied when I said I made a mistake kissing you. It was the first thing I wanted to do the moment I saw you again. But something inside me was always telling me that all I could ever be is someone grateful for your kindness. That it was impossible for the universe to even grant me someone like you after everything I’ve done." He let out a breath before continuing.

"But it was also you, Steve, Sam, and heck – even Zemo– that made me realize that I am worthy of a chance. And I’m sorry it had to take you telling me you were moving on, to have the courage to accept and take the chance that has been long offered to me by the world." He took your hand and gave the back of it a small kiss.

"I love you, Y/N.” Now it was him that had to wipe away your tears away. “Please don’t cry, doll. That wasn’t-”

“Just fucking kiss me already, James.” you laughed, in between sniffles.

He grinned down before you. “You’re my angel with a potty mouth, and I love you.” he whispered, leaning down.

“I love you too."

---------

You and Bucky were out with the Wilsons on their community's afternoon barbeque.

Sarah and you got along with ease, and she was telling you all about their old family business when Bucky hugged you from behind.

"Sorry to interrup, ladies, but I have to show you something Y/N." he said, kissing your cheek.

"Ew, man. I still can't believe your old ass has a girlfriend." Sam commented beside Sarah who was laughing

"You do know I'm older than him, right?" you chuckled.

"I know, but you don't look it." he replied, causing Bucky to flip him off.

Excusing yourself, both of you walked by the docs.

"What's up, old man?" you grinned at him.

"You know what, doll. Most couples would have endearing nicknames for each other."

"I'll call you something sweet once you tell me what that thing you call me when we're alone means."

"What, мое солнце?"

"Yeah, that one! Tell me or else I'll keep calling you ridiculous ones." you threatened, trying not to smile.

"Anyway, мое солнце, I just wanted to show you a text I got from Shuri."

I am yet to have any news that you

manned up and told Y/N you love her,

White Wolf. I was joking before, but now

I really might set her up on a date.

You both chuckled at Shuri's threat.

"I got this." you pulled your phone out of your pocket and dialled her number. You placed it on loud speaker once she picked up.

"Y/N! So nice of you to call."

"Hey, Shuri! Listen..." you feigned seriousness in your voice before releasing a deep breath. "I'm finally over Mr. Smokey eye. I think I'm ready to go on that date now." Bucky was playfully glaring at you for the nickname.

There was dead silence from the other side of the line for a second. "Oh! About that... uh turns out he already has a girlfriend. Planning to propose soon, I heard. Oops!"

"Well that's a bummer. How about the other bachelor royalties your family's friends with? I recently found an article with a list. I can send you one right now. Preferably ones that don't look much like blue-eyed grandpa." you grinned at him as he rolled his eyes. He knows what you were trying to get him to do.

"Uh... turns out my brother isn't that friendly after all." She let out an awkward laugh. "Hasn't Barnes contact you at all?" you could hear the frustration in her voice.

"Oh, that discount prophet, I haven-"

"It means my sun." He finally caved, rolling his eyes.

"What?" you asked him, immidiately forgetting that Shuri was still on.

"WHAT?" she screamed through the phone after a second.

"мое солнце means my sun." he grinned at you.

"Is that Barnes with you?! Hellooo?!!!"

"Talk to you later, princess." you turned off the call when she was about to protest. Facing him again, you stepped closer and put your arms around his shoulders, both of you sharing a grin.

"I love you, мое солнце."

"I love you too, minn stjarna."

"You gonna tell me what that means?"

"You wish."

fin.

--------

@eternalharry @iheartsebandchris @lizzarooni @the-ayo-lit @tanyaherondale @knowyourworth-sellyoursoul @eliwinchester-barnes @ebxny27 @just-a-littlebit-of-everything @fadingdreamersportsmaker @drama-queen-aa

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Looking for a Place to Happen 2

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity, some violence and threats

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: Here’s chapter two. Think I’ll probably slow down writing. Appreciate y’all.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 2: I follow every little whiff

💀💀💀

You gave yourself a day off that week. Rather, the desolation of Birch allowed you an excuse to get away from your desk. An internet outage across the town had you up and wandering the main road just after noon. Your grandmother refused to join you so she was left to her true crime novel and the weekday droning of talk show hosts.

After a peek in the book shop where you picked out some used thrillers for your nan and a guilty splurge on one of Babs' pies to add to the surprise, you stopped by the diner and had some soup to warm up from the unrelenting cold. You played around on your phone as you blindly slurped from your spoon. With no available connection, you swapped candies to achieve a score high enough to get to the next round.

After another loss, you put your screen down and added some pepper to the tomato soup. You leaned your chin in your hand and peered across the road. The Asp was just diagonal from The Chipped Saucer and from your seat by the window you could see the comings and goings of the dingy bar.

You chuckled to yourself as you remembered the hundreds of comments on your video. You weren't entirely surprised that the internet cheered at the sight of a woman beating up a man in broad daylight, you'd seen much worse on the web. But many were curious and asked about how it started and about the small town alluded to in the caption.

You picked up your phone and flipped open the camera. You pointed it through the glass as one of the many bikers strutted out of the bar and down the street. You knew him, like most in town, he was the leader's right hand man. Steve Rogers. He had an odd gait, rigid with long strides, and you remember Kelly used to make fun of him when you walked home from school. That felt like forever ago.

You ended the video and dropped your phone again. You'd send it to Kelly when the outage was over. It would be a good laugh. Plus, you hadn't heard from her much since she moved to the city.

You finished your soup and paid. You went out into the street and cut around to the backstreets. You made your way back to your nans and found Pippin scratching at the front door. You stopped and scooped him up before you let yourself in.

"Don't like the snow, do ya?" You set him down and he whipped his tail before skittering off, "hey nan, I got you some stuff."

"You spend too much," she grumbled as you hung your coat and grabbed her treats.

"Only on you," you sang as you entered the front room, "sugarless blueberry pie, your fave, and some books about murder and all that freaky stuff you love."

"Hmm," she watched you put the pie and books down on the coffee table, "suppose the pie will go good with tea."

"Ah, and I suppose I'll be making that tea?" You returned.

"My arthritis…" she pouted but her grin came through.

"Yeah, yeah," you snickered as you went to the kitchen to put on the kettle, "we going black today or something lighter?"

"Put on some of the pekoe," she called back, "make a whole pot."

"Will do, ma'am," you trilled and basked in her annoyed mutter.

💀

When the internet came back, you sent of an email to inform the agency of the interruption and promised to meet your deadlines. Then you puttered around and added a caption to the video before you sent it off to Kelly; 'why he walk like that tho'. She sent a series of crying emojis back and told you to post it.

'Nah, it's a dumb joke.' You typed back.

'Saw ur last vid, ppl will eat it up,' she insisted.

'Well, got nothing else to put up. The account’s dying since no one cares about my writing.'

'DO IT.' Her words sealed your resolve and you uploaded the video with some dramatic music in the background.

The response was almost instantaneous. Several comments saying they were happy to see more and others being for another video. 'We all wanna see inside this fucked up town' one added and several latched on. Ignoring the questions of where this was, you gave a thin promise of future small town thug content. 

You turned back to your work email and opened up your draft for your next gig. You couldn't help but smile as you went over your work. You might have just found your niche.

💀

You knew your nan would lose it if she knew you were snooping around the club, so you didn’t tell her. You went down, made her breakfast, went back upstairs to do your work, then tiptoed out in the late afternoon to poke around town for something to upload. Birch was so dull when you lived there but to those outside, it was a novelty you were all too eager to provide.

You got more videos of the bikers; some revving their bikes, others arguing, but there was nothing overly usable. You were getting bored of it until the man himself walked out of the bar. You record the man’s glower expression as he marched down the sidewalk and turned off just down the way.

‘His name is Bucket… wtf?!’ you keyed in and snorted as you waited for it to load to your account.

Still, there was nothing special going on, like always in Birch, and your grandmother was bound to get suspicious if you kept sneaking around. You went back and hid your phone before she could bitch about it. You cooked her dinner and sat with her as your thoughts swung between work and your TikTok.

You went to bed but couldn’t sleep. You ended up watching YouTube on your phone as the windows shook with the night winds. It wasn’t until the darkness began to glow that you were roused from the cocoon of your comforter. You looked out and saw smoke coming from the main road.

You didn’t think before you pulled on your jeans and shoved your feet into your slipper, unconcerned about them soaking through as you barreled down the stairs, the sleeves of your hoodie only half on. The back door bounced behind you and you crunched down into the snow and clamored past the row of lifeless houses. 

You were out of breath as you got to the end of the path and rounded the diner to gape over at the burning garage. You got closer as the line of bikers stood in their leather with breath puffing before them in the frigid night. You stepped back into the shadow of the brick façade of the realty office and swiped your camera open.

Your hands shook and you struggled to steady the image on the screen as the mechanic woman raged in only her tee shirt. You didn’t quite understand what was going on; only that her garage was up in smoke and then men were doing nothing to smother it. She swung at the dark haired man and spat at several others; “cowards”... “fuck all of you!”

You gulped and held your breath as she was dragged away by the large redheaded henchman of the slender outsider. She fought for a moment before she was flung over his shoulder and the biker followed their leader back to The Asp. You sidled in between the building and hid until the voices faded into the wind.

Well, that would be a hell of a video. It might even go viral.

💀

Your phone did not stop. You almost felt bad as you saw the screen limn the edges of your cell as you left it face down on the little table beside the couch. Your nan sat in her rocking chair talking away on her corded phone to Linette from down the road. You suspected that every other person in town was gossiping about the same thing; the fire.

You finished your coffee and rubbed your eyes as you checked the time and ignored the pulsing notifications. It was too much to keep up with.

Your grandmother hung up and sighed, “can’t believe it. You hear?”

“Hear what?” you pretended ignorance.

“That old garage burned down. The one with the lady,” she said, “pity. When I was a girl, that place was a salon. Ma used to take us there to get our hair cut. The barber would give us wrapped candies and pretend to cut himself with his scissors.”

“Oh? It burned down?” you weren’t sure you were very convincing but you also could just say you saw it happen.

“Yep, no one really can say. You know, maybe she was welding or some rag caught, but I bet my money on those bikers,” she sneered.

“Good thing you’re poor,” you kidded, “and why the bikers?”

“Oh, well, you know Kimmy, Linette’s girl, works down at the diner and she saw that mechanic arguing with one of those strangers, the ones dealing with the club men. Well, it’s no coincidence that trouble follows those leather jackets around,” she rocked as she nodded knowingly, “oh, one of the boys I knew back in the day, he was found burnt up with his bike. They said the tank blew… well, I saw it and that tank was pristine.”

“Nan,” you gasped, “you… Jesus.”

“Well, things don’t change in Birch, we just get older,” she continued, “when you’re young, everything seems new but then you age and it’s all just the same.”

“Wow, how… inspiring,” you said dryly.

“Girlie, you gotta be careful,” she intoned, “that fire, that’s a lesson to all the women in this town. To everyone. You don’t cross the Commandos.”

“I don’t think anyone--”

“That’s another thing, there has never been a shortage of stupid people, not now not then,” she girded, “those women who get tied up in that club, their lives are already done.”

You frowned and hid your phone in your pocket as you stood. You rubbed your neck and picked up your empty mug, “I should get started.”

“Mmm,” she said as she dialed the phone again, “I wonder if Fran knows yet.” 

💀

You were being really fucking stupid but peer pressure was not a logical thing. Even through a screen, you found it hard to resist the goads. So there you were, your phone in your hand as you live-streamed your walk down to The Asp. The data costs alone would make you regret it but you were caught up in the hype of you fifteen second of internet fame.

“Alright,” you stopped across the street and gave a view of the moniker with Cleopatra sultrily looking down at you, “this is it… I just gotta play it cool…” you turned the lens towards you and smiled nervously, “hopefully that dude at the front doesn’t stop me.”

Comments flicked up the bottom of the screen so fast and smilies and hearts floated up the side around your face. You crossed the screen as you turned your phone against your coat and approached the bar door. The large biker butted out his smoke and you bared your teeth nervously. He didn’t stop you as he rolled his shoulders and coughed.

You entered to the noise of classic rock and low voices, the clink of glasses and tap of chalk on marble. You glanced around and quickly swept your phone around to give a view of the patrons. You hurried over to the bar and climbed up on a stool.

“You need a drink?” the woman behind the bar scowled. She looked worn out even with her lips painted bright pink and her eyes clouded with blue shadow.

“Uh, sure, can I… can I get one pint of everything you have on tap?” you asked as you set your phone down and shrugged out of your coat. You draped it over the next stool and reposition your phone as you flipped the cam and used the built in stand on the case to angle yourself onto the screen.

“Sure,” she narrowed her eyes and glanced past you.

You swung your feet as you waited for her to pour the five pints; some with too much foam and the others with no head at all. You took the first and held it up for the camera.

“A classic, BudLight,” you held it up to the light, “no head and…” you sipped, “flat.” You plunked it down and coughed as you grabbed the next, “this is a raddler?” you looked at the tap for confirmation, “grapefruit… smells like piss…” you had a sip, “tastes like it too.”

You chuckled to yourself and asked for a water. You made a show of swishing it around in your mouth before you moved onto the third beer.

“Had to cleanse the palate,” you joked, “now… lots of foam on this one, dark. You know, I’m pretty surprised they have Guinness here but let’s see…” you tasted it and crinkled your nose, “that’s it. Exactly like toilet water!”

You read some of the comments telling you to check the bottles for bugs and laughed. Suddenly you were yanked off the stool by the back of your shirt and your phone was swiped up by another man as the first restrained you. You struggled against his thick arm as it hooked around your neck and the leader of their crew stared at the screen of your cell.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he snarled as he hit the screen with his thumb but the stream kept going. He dropped the phone to the floor and stomped it instead.

“This is the bitch posting about us online,” the man at your back growled. It was Steve, the one with the weird walk.

“I doubt either of you know how to use a computer,” you scoffed, “hey, let me go.”

“And why would we do that when you’re snitching to the whole world, sweetheart?” Bucky kicked your phone away as he crossed his arms.

“Actually, I’m--” you grasped Steve’s arm as it threatened to get tighter, “--promoting your trash business. I was just having a tasting, if you had just asked--”

“Shut up!” Bucky stepped closer and brought your legs up and stopped him as you planted your feet against his stomach.

“Hey,” a woman’s voice came from behind the bar as the waitress shoved aside her empty tray, “hey, she’s just a kid.”

“Bullshit,” Bucky huffed, “she looks full-grown to me.”

“So what are you gonna do?” she said, “she’s young. You can’t--”

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do,” he snapped.

“She’s right,” another voice intoned and that man, Sam, came up beside them with a pool cue in hand, “she’s just goofing around.”

“She’s a rat,” Steve insisted.

“You’re being dramatic. It’s called a meme and you do walk a little strange,” he chuckled, “no one’s gonna follow her breadcrumbs back to this shithole anyway.”

Bucky considered Sam and then looked at Steve. He poked his cheek with his tongue and sucked his teeth.

“So… you vouching for her?” Bucky asked.

“She won’t cause any more trouble, promise,” Sam said, “I’ll make sure of it.”

“You better,” Bucky snapped his fingers and you were released, “get her out of here.”