#okayyy today is a 'not putting it in the tags kind of day'

[1ddotdhq]

Thurs 21 Jan ‘21

Welp. Today was a busy week, huh? 

Let’s start with Zayn’s INZAYNLY AWESOME idea of writing a comic book based on his own album - take THAT reviews that said he had no concept behind it! The first panel of the story is a man in a white car speeding away from a man with purple eyes and white pupils (REALLY creepy btw), and it reads, “A madman has been chasing me for the past hour. When I go faster, he comes closer”. I am intrigued! I hope that this is some sort of enemies to lovers type thing, but knowing these guys, its strictly horror/suspense. This is being presented in video form, so the panels are moving figures and they are scored with songs from the album, which I assume is how the rest of the panels will also be presented. You can watch these two panels with the songs “Calamity” and “Better” over on YouTube for the full effect! Also, Zayn’s last listening party was today and he was the DJ! “DJ Malik”, he said in a sentimental throwback to his boyband days. He and his team had a great time throwing airhorns into the the listening party and then they did a “from Dusk Til Dawn '' encore, which I’m sure means Zayn wants us to be streaming NIL from Dusk Til Dawn! 

To keep the party going, Paul Roberts, TPWK and longtime 1D choreographer, had a chat with the BBC about working with Harry and Phoebe (WB) on the music video. He knew right away, he said, that everyone from 1D could be a great dancer if they really wanted to be, and, ten years later, he finally got the chance to test the theory! Spoiler alert: he was RIGHT! Harry had seen Phoebe in Fleabag on the West End and got on with her from the word go, and so the idea came about. “It was about three weeks before the world started to burn”, he says about the filming of the video,“We didn’t know how lucky we were”. 

Finally, let’s CHAT: it’s stunt timeeeeee!! Today is, of course, Freddie’s birthday, which meant the usual round of pictures stolen from social media from the Tomlinson sisters, silence from Louis, and birthday pics from the Clarks. Including a picture of a sonogram posted by Briana that was taken on August 3rd, 2015 (Louis confirmed the baby on the very next day on GMA). This sonogram is notable BECAUSE - drumroll pleasseeeee - it was taken at a FERTILITY CLINIC which specialized in surrogacy and IVF. So this is a clinic that only treats people who cannot have children naturally. To make matters more interesting, the clinic does not do non-client visits, and they did not do them in 2015. You simply could not go to this clinic if you had an accidental pregnancy because those are not the kinds of clients served by this clinic! I mean, if nothing else, this shows that Briana did not get accidentally pregnant by Louis, if she was pregnant at all. Likely, it was another fucked up photoshop job, where they switched Tammi’s name for hers and just forgot to change the name of the clinic. Sighhh. We knew this, of course, but WOW does this prove it concretely, huh? Anyways, I cannot BELIEVE that they are still fucking up THIS BADLY five years later, but uh. Yeah. Happy Birthday, Freddie, hope you got more than an apple this year! 

But that’s not the ONLY stunt that’s becoming faker and faker: Fauxlivia is proving itself to be nothing but the cash, and the cars, and the glory...and the pretty clothes, apparently! Turns out, Olivia is a brand ambassador for La Ligne in much the same way that H works for Gucci. She’s been featured on their instagram many MANY times, and has, thus far, worn their clothes for no fewer than TWO of the Holivia pap walks. Strangely enough, though, when this whole stunt began to manifest in late October, HARRY began featuring on their Instagram page as well. Totally Organically, of course, considering that they’d never talked about him before! That AND: the pink beanie that H was wearing in their dumb af Parking Lot Pap Walk has ALSO been idenfied to be La Ligne, which I’m sure he Just Decided to begin wearing and it had NOTHING to do with Jeff being Right There and them having promoted Gucci together at Jeff’s wedding. Mhmmmmm they’ve convinced me they’re TOTALLY in love. Celebrities that promo together, stay together, after all! (Oh, is that not the saying?)

Meanwhile, Liam’s Final Act merch has been delayed, and he has asked people to “contact him when they get it” (Harry’s team could NEVER), and JC Stewart called Niall “one of the nicest guys in music”. I’m sure he agrees! And, Niall has his own little discourse today - so much for him not creating any drama, huh? There were some shirtless pics of him posted by an ~source~ where he seems to have been working out (Niall has ABS now??) and is arranging a stack of boxes that read “nude” (just like Niall, huh?). UAs battled it out whether or not these pics should have been posted because he did not know they were being taken and there’s ETHICS involved, but Niall hangs out shirtless so much ANYWAYS that I bet he doesn’t mind.

[auramindedd]

Fixed? Never - SMAU*

Part 3

CorpseHusband x FemReader

Warnings: cussing

A/N: again, any posts with a “ * ” attached to “smau” has writing in it. imma focus A LOT more on just the social media n message perspective, but y/n n corpse meet in this part soooo i had to add some writing :) something else b4 i forget; i’m updating my masterlist and changing it into a directory post that way you guys can also request through a google form! i’ll have requests open at all times unless i get too stressed out or if they overfill. due to me changing my masterlist, there’s gonna be about 6 posts i think. also,, thank you guys so much for 600 followers! i’ve been hitting a bunch of milestones and haven’t been remembering to say thank you, but just know that i appreciate every single one of you... also i love reading y’all’s comments 😭

🤍 directory

🕊 previous

☁️ next

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You make sure you’re set up before 6 PM, which was probably a mistake. You can’t sit still, you’re starting to get nervous, and you kind of just want to run away to McDonald’s.

Sure, you know Ludwig, Dream, and Rae, but it feels like you’re at school all over again. That anxious feeling of having to be with people while your best friends aren’t around.

You’re leg is bouncing, your nails are tapping on your desk, and you can’t stop running your hand through your hair. It probably looks like a fucking bird nest by now.

You start streaming, deciding that maybe talking to your supporters will make things a bit better.

“Hey, loves,” You greet in a not so Y/N-fashioned way. Of course, the chat catches on, and you’re being called out for it. You can’t help but giggle at the fact that your supporters know how you usually are.

@user: What happened to, “Hey, bitches!”

@user: Ou, someone is nervous.

Yeah, they obviously know you very well.

“Alright, let’s start over.” You clear your throat for dramatic effect because, well, when are you not dramatic? “Hey, bitches!” Yup, even you know that just feels right.

After a while of talking to your supporters, Rae sends you the Discord invite and the Among Us code. You join, feeling your nerves start to come back.

“Y/N!” Rae exclaims in excitement when she sees you’ve joined the Among Us lobby.

“Hi,” You say, shyness lacing your voice.

“Oh my God! The cutest voice.” Jack says. Wow, what a compliment coming from the Jack_Septic_Eye.

You take time to introduce yourself to everyone, trying to calm your nerves.

“Are we gonna start?” Ludwig’s impatient ass asks.

“We’re waiting for Corpse.” Rae explains.

Shit, another person you have to introduce yourself to?

“Hey, Corpse!” Sykkuno greets quickly, very obviously racing to be the first to say hi to Corpse.

“Hey, Sykkuno,” Corpse chuckles, and woah, the last thing you expected. You can’t help but be surprised, and you know it’s showing on your face. Why? Because your supporters are teasing you in the chat.

“Corpse,” Rae says in a sing-songy tone. “This is Y/N.” And your heart drops to your fucking stomach. Every single time it happens when you have to meet someone, but now your heart is beating even faster because you’re obviously the only one who hasn’t met Corpse. They’re all expecting a reaction out of you...

“Hey, Y/N.” His deep, husky voice says. You can hear the smile in his voice and it helps ease your nerves.

“Hi,” You greet, shyness still lacing your voice.

Corpse chuckles, “So cute.” Now you’re blushing. Great...

Rae starts the game, saving you before the others can start teasing you.

Crewmate.

You’ve only played Among Us once, in a public server with Dream, George, Karl, and Alex, and then you got bullied for not knowing what the fuck to do.

To say the least, you’re pretty glad to be Crewmate and not Impostor.

“Y/N!” Jack shouts, walking up to you. You slightly jump, forgetting they’re playing with Proximity Chat.

“Jack!” You shout back, letting his astronaut catch up to you.

“We were expecting a reaction.” He says, and of course they were.

“Uh, yeah, I don’t know. I feel like he hears it a lot, don’t want to add on to the list of Things People Say To Him Everyday.”

“Yeah, he’s probably very grateful for that.”

“Grateful for what?” Charlie walks up to you two.

“Nothing,” Jack drawls. You’ve just met Charlie, but you know that he’d tease both you and Corpse about one another’s voices.

“Oh, I know!” Charlie exclaims, but before he can say what he knows-

“Okayyy! That’s enough interaction with Charlie for today.” Jack says, and you take that as a, ‘Walk the fuck away now, Y/N!’

You walk around, trying your best to finish tasks, but when it comes to the card swipe in Admin, you want to quit life as a whole.

“Ugh, I fucking quit.” You groan, slamming your hands on your desk. A deep, rumbling chuckle comes through on your headphones.

“Having trouble?” Corpse teases.

“Yeah. I wanna rip every strand of my fucking hair out.”

“Swipe it slower.” And with that, you try again. Voila! Just like magic.

“Well if I would’ve fucking known.” You groan, Corpse chuckling.

“Here, I can help you with the game.”

“Yes, please, I don’t know shit about it.”

“You know, you cuss a lot for having such a sweet, innocent, and cute voice.” Corpse laughs.

“Yeah,” You drawl. “I know, bad fucking habit.” You slap your hand over your mouth. How does someone cuss in every sentence? Get a filter, damn.

Corpse walks around with you as you both finish tasks, explaining how the game works, and giving you tips for when you do end up being an Impostor.

Honestly, you could listen to his voice all day. He’s also really sweet.

“What are you two up to?” Brooke asks, doing tasks in Electrical with you two. Corpse told you to make sure you’re always aware of your surroundings when you’re in Electrical. So, naturally, you’re freaking out, but silently and internally.

“Brooke,” Corpse warns. He doesn’t even have time to finish his warning. Brooke kills him, his body flopping over, the one bone sticking out from the top of his body. Your mouth falls open.

“Hey, Y/N. Let’s be besties!” You don’t know what to do, but ay, #girlsupportinggirls, right? So, you walk with her. She helps you along the way, also telling you tips on the game, explaining how everything works. Then, after about a minute, a whole 60 seconds, Corpse’s body is reported.

“Why Corpse? Such an innocent man with a beautiful voice.” Lud fake cries.

“Get over it,” Brooke says.

“It’s Brooke! Brooke’s an Impostor!” Lud shouts.

“What? No! I was with Y/N for a lot of this round.” Brooke defends herself, and oh fuck, who the fuck do you defend? You’ve just met both of them, one of them will possibly hate you forever.

“Y/N?” Sykkuno grabs your attention, snapping you out of your thinking.

“Yeah, she was. She wouldn’t have had time to kill Corpse. Where was the body?” Well, there you go, potentially ruining yours and Corpse’s blooming friendship. Sad Girl Hour, type beat.

“In Electrical,” Charlie says.

“Yeah, no way she would’ve had to time to kill him.”

Nobody’s voted out. Brooke hasn’t even told you who the second Impostor is so, you don’t know if you should stay with her or not.

As you and Brooke are walking around, or skipping as she sees it, and holding hands, Dream pops out of a vent. Well, there’s Imposter two.

“Woah! Dream, way to out yourself out.” You tease, throwing your head back and laughing.

“Please, you’ve been with Brooke the whole time. Don’t say anything.” Dream begs, making you and Brooke giggle.

“I won’t, I won’t.”

“Thank you,” He starts walking away from you guys, but not without finishing his sentence that you thought was already finished. “Cutie.” And there, finished.

Fucking finished! Tweedle-dee, tweedle dum! Whoopty-fucking-do! Fan-fucking-tastic! A-fucking-mazing!

And of course you’re blushing for the whole 80,000+ people watching to tease you about.

“Oh my God!” Brooke squeals. “What was that?!”

“I’ll explain later,”

•*•*•*•*•

“Y/N, how could you?” Corpse says, offended.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know what to do.”

“She’s my enemy, Y/N. We were supposed to stick together. I told you some tips and tricks, explained how to be a badass Impostor, everything!” Wow, he’s a good fucking actor.

“I can very well do the same thing, bitch.” Brooke spits, all in a playful manner - you hope...

“Not better than me, bitch.” Corpse retorts, his astronaut getting closer.

•*•*•*•*•

Imposter.

With Corpse.

Great.

Your enemy. Or as he put it, “Enemy who he can maybe, and most likely, will become friends with in the near future.”

“Follow,” He says, and even though he’s your enemy, you do.

“I gotta do my own thing.”

“You don’t know how to do shit.” Corpse scoffs.

“Okay then, what the fuck are we gonna do?”

“Double kills, all the way, but only when we meet up with each other. So, right now, we’ll both go our own ways, but when we see each other again, we’ll walk to a pair and do a double kill if we can.” Corpse explains.

“Brooke told me not to do double kills often. It won’t help get through a game.”

Corpse snorts, “Brooke doesn’t know dog shit about this game.”

“Fine,” You groan, going along with it only because you don’t know dog shit about the game either.

As Corpse explained, you two do double kills every time you meet up. You two managed to get double kills where people rarely go - Shields, Comms, and the top of Cafeteria.

After killing Rae and Sykkuno, the game ends. You made sure to leave Brooke and Dream alive.

“Period, we did that!” You exclaim, everyone else groaning and complaining about how you two should never be an Impostor duo again. “But I still fucking hate you because you hate me!”

“Exactly!” Corpse retorts in the same tone as you.

•*•*•*•*•

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Taglist - comment or message me to be added!

* if your username is in bold, please reach out to me; you’re at risk of having your username removed that way i can clear space for other tags. *

@cherry-piee @littlered00 @sunnywinterdays @strang-ersclub @callmemaeve-y @powerpuffyn @kusuinko @where-thesundoesntshine @letglimmersayfuck @coryisagee @a-dot-dev @ifilosemyselfagain @tayloryorkscurls @lex-prplatmngrl @letsloveimagines @youretheonlyonewhomakesme @smiithys @mikayladoesntknow @clubfairy @mirahg @thurstyforholland @thatsouthernblondewiththeass @majasophieanna

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Tags - ignore::

[dazedbymalum]

Monster Among Men - 02

Word Count: 1,967

Calum

I walk up to the front, all the weird cashiers are out today, yet again, although I've never seen that short chick in the big ass hoodie and braids before, I guess I'll go to her.

I put my shit down and dig some cash out of my wallet and hold it in front of her. "D-do you have an ID with you?" She bites her lip after asking, looking like she instantly regrets it.

What the fuck kinda question is that? Do I look like a child? "What?" I say, obviously annoyed.

"I have to ask everyone that question by law sir...I'm not trying to offend you, I—"

I roll my eyes at her explanation and cut her off, pulling out my ID "Here."

She looks at my ID, a little longer for my comfort and I then put it away. "Thank you." I hear her mumble, almost inaudibly.

I watch as she scans my items, then I divert my attention to my phone for a second. When I look up she's staring directly at me, what the fuck? She's probably just looking for attention, but I don't have time for any bitch tonight. "Are you gonna take my fuckin money or not? I don't have all damn day." I grumble.

I watch as she snaps out of whatever fucking daydream, fantasy shit she had going on "Huh?"

I roll my eyes once again and see her cheeks turn a bright red as she takes my money and slowly counts out my change.

I tap my foot impatiently and she hands me the change. Fucking finally. "H-here you go, have a nice night." She stutters to me.

I grab my shit and narrow my eyes at the girl. "Uh, yeah"

If this were any other night I'd probably try convincing her to letting me fuck her because she was pretty hot honestly, a guy can wonder what she's hiding underneath that fucking baggy sweatshirt.

I make my way out to my car and then home. I really need a smoke now, I think to myself and then look in the dash and my pockets, no cigs. Fuck, I ran out again and didn't fucking notice, I really don't want to go back to that damn store, but I suppose I'm gonna have to.

I let out a groan and turn the damn car around, heading back to that place, maybe I will talk to that chick, a good fuck would be good tonight honestly.

...

I park my car, once again in the vacant parking lot and go into the store, I notice the girl from before glancing my way, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at my second appearance within 15 minutes.

I walk over to her, she looks terrified, "Um, h-how can I help you? Did I count your change wrong? I'm so sorry—"

She stutters her words while looking up at me, she's so fucking short. I roll my eyes at her "No angel, I forgot I needed some Marlboros, can you grab me a pack or two?" I smirk at her and watch as confusion takes over her face.

"My name is Harlow...not Angel, there isn't even an Angel that works here...?" She bites her lip and grabs two packs for me. I chuckle, "Yeah, I know, and I'm Calum, do you need to look at my fucking ID again?" I say while pulling out a few dollars.

"Um, no." She takes the cash and hands me my cigarettes. "Thanks love, you're very pretty by the way." I wink at her and she seems taken aback by the compliment, I see the heat rising in her cheeks.

"We should hang out some time, what works for you?" I smirk, knowing she's probably melting right now with all this attention I'm giving her.

"Uh, not to be rude or anything, but I just met you? Isn't this a little odd, um Calum?" She bites her lip, I'm now taken aback by her response.

Did she just basically reject my offer? She must have a boyfriend or some shit like that. "How is it fucking odd? Are you riding another dick or something? Because trust me babe, I'm not trying to get involved in any fucking bullshit drama with a damn boyfriend." I spit out my words, obviously irritated.

She takes a step back, my harsh words seem to have an effect on her. I take one last look at her and storm out of the store. How dare she try to embarrass me like that? What a fucking bitch.

Harlow

I had a chance to fix the braid once the lady I was assisting finished checking out. After I fixed it Jessica, my coworker, asked me yet again why I keep my hair like this everyday.

"Well, my hair can get in the way, it is a bit long and can be a bit frizzy sometimes as well, so keeping it braided just solves my issues." I explain to her with a smile, it kind of gets on my nerves that she has the need to ask me this every week at some point, but I do not have the nerve to say anything to her about it, especially since she is just curious.

She nods with a smile. The rest of my day runs on, pretty slow and boring honestly and the next time I check my phone for the time I see it's already 9pm. There's also a text from Lynn.

... To: Harhigh not low dude I have some big shit to spill ...

Ugh, I'll have to tell her I can't talk quite yet, I think I forgot to tell her I'm working all day oops.

I look up when I hear a thud of cans. I see a guy wearing a leather jacket set his items down and pull some cash out of his wallet.

I look at his items...two packs of beer, a box of condoms, and a bag of chips. Oh.

He seems to have the most bored, disgruntle facial expression ever, I better not get on his nerves, but I think rather than keeping his mouth shut...like what I do with Jessica, he would most certainly call me out.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and I look up at him, he is extremely tall. "D-do you have an ID with you?" I bite my lip as I watch him grow angry with my question.

"What?" He spits out. He has some sort of accent, yes I'm a little terrified about this giant man I have never seen before, but I am supposed to ask everyone that question who buys stuff like beer and condoms...and I am curious.

"I have to ask everyone that question by law sir...I'm not trying to offend you, I—"

"Here." He cuts me off by showing me his ID. I examine the piece of plastic...Calum Hood...22 years old...Australian. Oh my god he's Australian! Just like Lynn!!

He quickly shoves it back in his wallet and gives me a glare. I take a deep breath and start to scan his items. As I scan the bag of chips I mumble a quiet "thank you" to him and he just stands there.

I glance and see he's now on his phone texting someone, a friend or something I assume. Maybe even a girlfriend? Boyfriend? I don't know. I would be surprised if he didn't have someone. This guy is beyond attractive. I wonder if he knows Lynn? Haha that would be hilarious.

"Are you gonna take my fuckin money? I don't have all damn day." He snaps at me.

"Huh?" Oh no, I have been staring this whole time. Oh no.

He rolls his eyes and I take the money from him cautiously. He thinks I'm a weirdo now. I count his change slowly, that way I don't mess up and give him the wrong amount.

He looks like the kind of guy that would storm back in here demanding for one cent more if I forget one penny. I cannot mess this up. His foot tapping causes me to hurry my counting and I give him the receipt and change as quickly as possible.

"H-here you go, have a nice night." I say, hoping to sound more confident.

"Uh, yeah" He looks at me oddly and then leaves the store. I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding in.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and see three more texts from Lynn.

... To: Harhigh not low heyyyyyyyyy harlowww bitch you better answer me. To: Harhigh not low HARLOW. To: Harhigh not low I know you're not ignoring me tf ...

I laugh quietly to myself and send her a quick text to stop her nagging.

... To: Lyin Lynn calm down. I'm at work, I don't get off for another half hour, just wait!! To: Harhigh not low Fucking finally you answer. But okayyy <3 ...

As I'm putting my phone away I hear the door open and look to see the the guy from before. Oh no, I bet I counted his change wrong and he's here to yell at me. I tried counting as fast as possible, but he insisted on rushing me.

He walks over to me, with the same grumpy look on his face and I start to worry. "Um, h-how can I help you? Did I count your change wrong? I'm so sorry—"

He rolls his eyes at me, "No angel, I forgot I needed some Marlboros, can you grab me a pack or two?" His face changes into some sort of a smirk, I don't know, and why did he call me Angel? My name tag says Harlow, and I don't thing anyone could mistake Harlow for Angel.

"My name is Harlow...not Angel, there isn't even an Angel that works here...?" I bite my lip nervously and grab two of the Marlboros off the stand behind me. He chuckles softly at my words. "Yeah, I know love, and I'm Calum. Do you need to look at my fucking ID again?" He asks while pulling out some money.

"Um, no." I take the cash from his hand and give him the cigarettes.

"Thanks love, you're very pretty by the way." He winks at me and now I'm completely confused. What?

"We should hang out some time, what works for you?" He smirks at me, for the second time tonight and I'm completely uncomfortable. I don't even know this guy, and judging from all the stuff he's bought tonight I think I would rather keep my distance. I'm also kind of embarrassed that he would go ahead and assume I was going to say yes. That's a bit rude.

"Uh, not to be rude or anything, but I just met you? Isn't this a little odd, um Calum?" I bite my lip, using his name, I really don't want to upset this guy.

I watch at his playful smirk turns into a scowl. "How is it fucking odd? Are you riding another dick or something? Because trust me babe, I'm not trying to get involved in any fucking bullshit drama with a damn boyfriend."

What? Boyfriend? Babe? I don't understand this leather clad man standing before me. How could anyone say anything so rude to another person, I just met him. He does not really have a right to act so offended, and definitely does not need to use that sort of language, especially if he's interested in hanging out or something. I don't know, this is very odd.

I take a step back, as if to try and block the harsh words that ran out of his mouth. He glares at me one last time before rushing out of the store. What a strange man.

---

thought i’d post chapter two since it’s been a little while since i posted chapter one! let me know what ya think!!

[undeadpsycho13]

a cup of coffee to warm my icy heart

GUYS GUYS GUYS THE COFFEE SHOP AU THINGY IS DONE (first chapt at least. this whole thing is going to be AT LEAST 5 chapters)

imma tag these people, for wonderful awesome ideas: @puzzle-of-life-reason-for-death​ (for coming up with the headcanon/awesome au), @baitsakhan-adlai​ (for glaring at me constantly across the room telling me telepathically to hurry up), @13thendgameplayer​ (for the beautiful pickup lines you supplied, truly they were amazing, i swear to god imma use more of them in the next chapts), @redheaded-sniper-girl​ (this is to repent my sins, im sry this part wasnt mac’s perspective, i promise at least some of it will be, i hope you like this), and @baitsabeeisreal​ (bc even tho she didnt really contribute, she’s like the #1 baitsabee fan out there)

okay, yeesh, long boring credits are over, now lets get on with the show!! :D

CHAPTER 1: HOT, DARK, STRONG, JUST LIKE ME

The first time was an accident.

Baitsakhan didn’t really mean to walk into a coffee shop that wasn’t Starbucks, it just kind of happened.  His legs kind of just… carried him away from the Starbucks nearest to his house, and since he couldn’t be bothered to walk an extra block to the second closest Starbucks, he decided to try out that shady looking “Endgame” cafe.  Edgy name, Baitsakhan thought absent-mindedly.  Well, technically he did have reason, and it wasn’t really an accident, but hey, he can’t just say he didn’t want to go back to the Starbucks because he was pissed at the cashier.  That Hilal something, who was all about niceness and world peace and all that other nonsensical bull.  It just pissed him off, how people could be so cheery and kind.  The Incident last week, involving at least a dozen pamphlets on saving the environment and using Baitsakhan as a bulletin board, was the final straw.  He couldn’t go back to Starbucks after that, and what right did the world have to take away coffee from a poor, sleep-deprived, coffee-needing teenager, right?

A text lit his phone just when he was about halfway across the street.  He ignored the faint vibration.  Really, it could only be three people: Jalair, his very over-protective brother who wouldn’t let him do anything remotely fun (“Baitsakhan, what are you doing to that poor kitten?” “Oh, I don’t know, maybe just cutting off his tail with a butter knife if you suddenly went blind today.” “How could you do that to poor Muffin??!!”), his horribly awesomely social sister Sarangerel who had a bajillion times more friends than Baitsakhan (“A bajillion times zero is still zero Baits.” “That’s not my point.”), or his Chinese friend (read: only friend) An Liu (contrary to popular belief, Baitsakhan did have one friend, though even he didn’t care to admit it).  Turns out, curiousity got the better of him, and after another five or six continuous obnoxious buzzes (by now he was sure it was Sarangerel), Baitsakhan whipped out his phone angrily, prepared to type out a biting lecture about why friends and family should not double text and annoy the hell out of him in the process, when he realised –– with a frown –– that the number displayed on his phone was an unfamiliar one, labelled neither “Mother-Hen”, nor “Social Butterfly”, nor “Asian Hacker Lovebird”.  In fact, the area code displayed it wasn’t even from the area.

And all of them, every single text, was the same thing: bring me the goddamned ice cream.  A final: ais ik ur redin these txts topped it off.

The atrocious grammar pissed him off.  So did the fact that this person called him freaking Ais.  What kind of name was that, anyways?  Typing furiously, a long paragraph was added to the message: F off, I’m not Ais.  You’ve got the wrong number idiot.  Besides, who would give ice cream to you??  Loser.  By the way, don’t text me back.  Like ever again.  Delete this message immediately, or my weird hacker friend will be out to get you and possibly put a bullet through your head with a drone if you don’t.  Have a nice life!

Feeling pleased with his impeccable grammar, and his nice little response, Baitsakhan continued along towards the coffee shop.  The a hidden speaker above the door emitted a faint ringing noise, which was, too be honest, quite annoying.  He didn’t understand how anyone could stand hearing that sound hundreds of times a day.  For once, he kind of felt bad for the baristas.

The coffee shop was surprisingly quite crowded, at least compared to what Baitsakhan’s expectations would be.  In the far corner, a sturdy-looking dark-skinned girl sat opposite of another one, except slim and of Indian heritage.  Closer to the entrance sat a woman, hijab covering half her head, alone, sipping a cup of coffee with an icy expression on her face.  Near the cashier, three people were chatting animatedly, a guy with a scar on his face holding hands with a blond girl, sitting across from a pretty Native-American girl.

Baitsakhan made a face.  He really should have just sucked it up and settled with Starbucks.  All these annoying people… at least the Starbucks was relatively quiet.  Sighing, he made a mental note not to come back again, before begrudgingly trudging up to the counter.

The boy standing at the counter was presumably in his late teens, his hair honey colored with streaks of something darker tied up into a short ponytail, displaying a set of silver earrings that contrasted nicely with his immaculate jet-black suit, though steaks of it were already coming loose.  It suited him nicely, Baitsakhan couldn’t help but notice.  His electric blue eyes, wary like that of a predator’s, flashed eagerly at having another customer, perhaps saving him from his endless boredom.  A nonchalant expression crossed his face, followed by a knowing smirk, and then was once again replaced by a mockingly polite look as he called out,

“How may I help you?”

Baitsakhan stared unabashedly at the guy, unamused.

“I thought this was a coffee shop.  Get me some goddamned coffee.”

Something akin to surprise appeared in the cashier’s eyes, but like every other emotion quickly disappeared.  He probably didn’t get rude comments like this often.  Serves him right, thought Baitsakhan, trying to ignore the boy’s undeniable hotness as a feral grin spread across the guy’s face.  The name Maccabee was written on a pin proudly hung from the guy’s breast pocket.  Baitsakhan duly noted this, for no reason at all.  He had no reason to store away this kind of information.  He totally wasn’t planning on coming back again.

“Okayyy then,” he drawled, every word unnecessarily lengthened, “How would you like your coffee?”

“Hot, dark, strong.” Baitsakhan had no time for this nonsense.

“Just like me then,” Maccabee said, waggling his eyebrows.

Baitsakhan stared, unimpressed,

“Do you flirt with everything that walks on two legs?”

Again, the guy looks surprised.  Probably hasn’t had a pick-up line thrown back at his face before, Baitsakhan thinks with a smirk.

“Nope, just cute ones.”

The barista turned to make the coffee, and thank God he turned to make the coffee, because Baitsakhan has chosen just the right time to have his face turn completely red.

Ugh.

He really should have just gone to Starbucks.

A/N: 

cringey title, cringey chapter title, cringey everything… sounds about right

i should have mentioned before, YES I TOTALLY SHIP AN AND BAITS AS A BROTP EVEN THO ITS SUPER WEIRD AND THEY PROB HATE EACH OTHER CANON BUT WHO CARES.

also, sorry about the non-typical depiction of maccabee, i kinda just imagined him with long hair one day and it… kinda spiralled off into the void?? idk.  i kinda like it.

ALSO, i sorta maybe incorporated a wrong number!au into this also. sue me, i was playing around with thing and it got outta hand, ok

next chapt will be up by the end of the week (hopefully earlier, i have an hr to write tomorrow, and this chapt only took an hr, so… possibly tomorrow :) no guarantees tho)