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afoolforatook · 4 years ago

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V8 Ch 4 and Qrow’s speech about Clover. And how we talk about how a character grieves, versus how grief is handled by writers.

So I really shouldn’t post this tonight because it’s 4 am and I’m tired and I’ve been thinking about this too much today already and this is something I should read over more..... But I’ve got to get it out before I can try to sleep. So, first off I apologize if this comes across poorly, or overly confrontational. It’s not at all how I mean it and I’m genuinely not upset with literally anyone. Just seeing some things that have me thinking about this more and more and it has me a little concerned, and I want to talk about it a bit more directly.

I’ll probably add to this later or clarify or something… I just had to get it out of my head.

I already talked about this some in response to theonceoverthinker’s post about it, and I’m too tired to try to cover all of that again, so if you want more context on how I feel about this, and why, please go read it.

But I’ve seen some more posts about this conversation, and while for the most part I agree with a lot of what’s being said (and often on both sides of whether or not this was a good speech from Qrow) there’s one thing that I do want to address a little more that I think a lot of people aren’t aware of.

In talking about this it’s important that we differentiate between having a problem with how we think the writers are going to use this speech to frame things, and having a problem with the fact that Qrow said what he said in the context of his current emotional state and grieving process.

Do I think this was just amazing perfect writing and handling of Qrow expressing these feelings? Absolutely not. I have plenty of issues and really can’t say how I feel about it until I know where they are taking it/how they are using it to frame the entire situation.

Do I think it was just inherently awful callous dialogue that frames Clover as only important to Qrow because of his semblance and what that meant for Qrow/interaction with his semblance?

Absolutely not.

And that’s exactly where I have a bit of an issue.

Because I totally understand people’s concern with that speech. And I have a very hard time right now trusting that CRWBY will handle it properly and not just use it to turn the narrative into blaming Clover. I don’t know if I trust them or not. I just don’t know. And that is deeply concerning.

But the just surface of what Qrow said, without knowing how they will use it and further show his feelings, is not just the inherently awful thing I’m seeing some people take it as. And the reasons I’ve seen for people saying so, while completely valid things to take issue with in regards to CRWBY’s intentions in writing them, can’t just be blanket applied as issues with the fact that Qrow said them at all. (this is one of the things I feel fairly certain I’m not explaining well rn, and I’m just too tired to figure out. So I hope it at all makes sense).

My point is; depending on how things go from here on out, CRWBY may be completely wrong for why they included these lines and what they are having them mean. But Qrow, as a character, is not inherently wrong for having said or felt them.

I can totally see why you would interpret these lines as concerning, and just plain poor takes on how to frame what happened in ch 12, and who to blame, and the nature of Clover’s importance to Qrow.. And like I said, it could very well be intended that way and negate everything I’m saying here. But by itself it’s not so black and white horrible.

And this is exactly why I’m so nervous about how they handle Qrow’s grief. Because grief is a complicated thing. And what someone like me, who has processed a similar grief in a similar way, gets from this kind of scene can be very different to someone who hasn’t. And all of this said, I’m not trying to assume what anyone else has been through, or invalidate any grief, it’s very likely that others have dealt with a similar loss and feel very differently, or experienced their grief very differently. But, what I hope we all can agree on is that no one has the right to tell someone else they are grieving wrong.

The thing about the kind of grief that Qrow is dealing with right now? It’s very rarely shown how people actually deal with it, especially in more than just one short scene. And if it is, it’s often romanticised and sterilized to be made into something easily understood by people who haven’t gone through anything like that.

Because the truth is, this kind of grief is ugly. It’s complicated and contradicts itself. It can seem selfish and self absorbed. It is angry and reactionary.

And it is very easy to say that what Qrow said is toxic or wrong. But it’s not. The intention the writers have in having him say it that way very well might be. But just what he said?

Y’all that’s fucking grief.

Fresh. Ugly. Messy. Angry. Confused. Tired. Grief.

Healthy grief does not mean fair, clear headed, sensitive, open minded takes from the get go.

Grief is incredibly flawed and unflattering.

And what concerns me is seeing people say it was outright terribly written dialogue, that was callous, and showed that Qrow didn’t really care about Clover beyond how he made him feel better about his semblance.

Because when you’re grieving like that, one of the biggest fears is that people will tell you you are grieving wrong. That you’re being selfish. That you’re making it all about you. That somehow the way you are grieving proves that you didn’t really love the person as much as you thought. That if you just loved them more, if you were less selfish, if you were just a better person, you wouldn’t think those kinds of things.

And you internalise that shit. You internalise even just the fear of people thinking that. And that’s how people close up about their grief. That’s how people feel guilty for how they grieve. And that makes actually processing your grief and starting to heal so much harder, if not impossible.

Qrow is still in the immediate aftermath of this loss. I’m awful with the exact timeline, but it’s what, like somewhere around 48 hours? With continued trauma going on around him.

It is literally not possible for him to process everything fully like this.

The fact is that someone struggling with that kind of grief and trauma, and it having happened in a situation as complicated as what happened on the tundra (regardless of how terribly all of it was written), they’re going to say things that seem selfish. Or even victim blaming. Because they are processing. They are having to reconcile their own hurt and anger and grief and confusion. Fight between how they feel about the person they’ve lost, and their instinct to, in some way, protect themselves from a painful truth of how things really happened or who was to blame, or what mistakes they made. Even with Qrow accepting some of that blame, maybe even way more than he should, he’s still going to reflexively try to avoid taking parts of it that are particularly painful. I hate 90% of how people think of the stages of grief, mostly because they are not the clear linear thing that is often thought of. But this is the anger in a sense. It’s a protective lashing out. “If Clover had only!-” He wants to be angry, wants to be able to just say Clover was wrong, but as soon as he does he cuts himself off. He feels bad for trying to put the blame on Clover. That’s natural.

Is it cool if CRWBY is trying to frame that as right? Fuck no. But the fact that Qrow is feeling it, is expressing it, is struggling with it back and forth? There is nothing wrong with that.

Hell. Qrow even being able to say that it was his fault in some way, that he chose wrong in working with Tyrian, but then also stand firm in that he did not actually kill Clover, and apparently this is not the first time he’s said that. It might not be perfect. But the fact that he can even be there at this point is huge.

I have said nearly exactly that same speech. I said and thought things in the first week, even months, of my grief, that, even at the time, I knew were selfish. Were making everything about me. I hated myself for it. But I couldn’t stop it. And If I had tried? I wouldn’t have processed everything. I would have chastised myself for feeling things that I thought were wrong to feel. That’s not how you process grief. It’s how you get stuck in it.

But the way Qrow looks at the pin? The way he pulls his thumb over it. The weak little laugh. The way he rushes to hide it. The fact that the first time we see him really asserting himself and his innocence is when Harriet threatens to take it from him.

I know all of that. That exact expression, movement.

He is so close to breaking. And he’s Qrow. He’s self conscious, self hating, isolating, Qrow. Talking about how this just confirms his own ideas of his position in relationships, his own fears about the danger of his semblance? That’s easy. That’s normal. It hurts like shit, but it’s manageable, he’s done it plenty of times before. Now it’s just a bit more raw.

But flat out talking about the entire loss that was Clover? About their bond ,and who Clover was as a person, and his potential, his future? The loss that Clover experienced in having his life cut short?

Maybe I’m shamelessly projecting again. But I truly do not believe that Qrow could manage to think, let alone talk, about that right this moment, and not completely break down. Which he knows he can’t afford to do yet.

Talking about himself. About his semblance and what Clover meant to him in that regard. Is painful. It hurts. It’s heartbreaking. But it’s familiar.

It’s angry. It’s small weak laughs because you are nowhere even close to okay but you can’t be as broken as you really are right now, so you’ve just got to stick it out.

Qrow is Qrow. Regardless of whether the writers pull this off appropriately or not, I have no doubt that this man understands, and has thought long and hard, about autonomy. About the tragedy of how death strips every last shred of it from a person. About the cruelty of someone’s death not even being seen as about them.

But right this moment, he can’t focus on that. There’s too much still to do. To worry about. To protect.

Talking about Clover? Just as Clover?

Facing that unfairness, that loss of autonomy, that stolen future (whether or not that future involved Qrow)? That is an entirely different kind of pain.

I’m four years removed from my loss and I still can’t think about that too much because it’s physically painful. It’s irreconcilable. I can joke and laugh and be crass about how empty I worry my life will always be without Emma. But thinking, talking, about what I feel when I just sit with the fact that she’s not just not here with me, but she’s gone. All the things she never got to do or be or feel. The crushing cruelty of her having no say in how her story ended, or how she is remembered. I have made talking about my grief my career. And that is still something I have no words for. Thinking about it in those first few days? Is a large part of why I don’t remember so much of that time. It was too painful, so I just blocked it out.

I said things. I thought things. I believed things. That were not fair. That were more about me and my pain than Emma. Hell, I know there were moments I was angry, and there wasn’t even anyone to try to blame for what happened. It was ugly emotion after ugly emotion. Bitterness piled upon bitterness. But that was part of the process.

My point is. I totally understand if this speech makes you nervous. If you can’t trust the writers to turn it around into something good, that doesn’t frame it as Clover’s fault, or as Clover only being important to Qrow because of his semblance.

But please know, that what Qrow actually said? Even if he was starting to blame Clover. Even if he was focusing only on how it hurt him because of his semblance. That is a natural part of grieving. It doesn’t matter if it would be an awful outlook for him to have at the end of everything.

He’s not at the end. He’s processing.

And outright saying that him saying that the semblance thing is what ‘really stings’, or being angry that Clover didn’t just listen to him, or anything else, is wrong and uncaring, isn’t fair.

It might not be the right perspective. It might be blatantly wrong and unfair and self absorbed. But that’s okay. He’s not callous for that.

His feelings about Clover, his respect for Clover, his grief over Clover’s death and the loss of his autonomy? None of that is diminished by him having moments where he wants to blame Clover, or where he focuses more on how this hurts him than how unfair it is for Clover. (again. I’m talking about just the surface of him saying this, not the intent and eventual narrative the writers have in doing it this way).

I just want people to be careful as they talk about this. Because it’s valid. And both sides are valid in multiple ways.

But please. Be careful in how you show your dislike for what you feel/fear the writers are going to do, and how you frame the issues with what Qrow said.

Grief is an incredibly isolating thing. And when it’s fresh it’s so easy to feel horrible, to literally hate yourself, for the thoughts you have while processing your grief.

We all want this to be handled properly, and we all are nervous about how bad it could be if it isn’t. But the last thing we need is people saying that Qrow is wrong or selfish for feeling and expressing what he is feeling, while he processes something so overwhelming and complicated as everything that is going on right now.

It’s not fair to Qrow, but more importantly, it’s hurtful for everyone watching who has dealt with or is still dealing with these unpleasant, often shameful and seemingly vilified aspects of grief.

There is no wrong or right way to grieve. There is nothing wrong with you for thinking things you normally wouldn’t, or for focusing on your own pain. The ugly parts of your grief do not mean you don’t care about the person you lost enough.

Just remember that the concern here should be about how the writers intend to use this speech.

Not that Qrow said what he said. Those feelings can be wrong, unfair, selfish. But there’s nothing wrong with him for feeling that way right now. It doesn’t mean Clover meant anything less to him.

It’s just grief.

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aguecheek · 4 years ago

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knocking politely on your door. do you have any twelfth night hot takes it's okay if not im just hyperfixating on it so intensely rn

bro listen to me i ALWAYS have twelfth night hot takes. BIG DISCLAIMER that all of this is completely subjective and absolutely not authoritatively true in any way shape or form. if you disagree with me at all, you’re well within your rights to do so, and I don’t feel the need to convince you otherwise. This is ONE POSSIBLE INTERPRETATION. What I’m talking abt in this post is one way I think I’d like to see the play interpreted and performed one day, because I think it adds a lot to the dynamics and gives the actors a ton of new things to explore in a way that could keep the play fresh, especially for actors or audiences who have potentially seen it done a bunch of times. Twelfth Night is one of Shakespeares most openly and explicitly lgbt plays, and I love thinking about new ways you could explore that.

Anyway my hot take of the day is that Olivia is a lesbian experiencing comphet!! More below the cut.

I think that one of the reasons she’s spending so long mourning her father and brother is (yes, obviously she’s in mourning, I don’t mean to undermine that) at least partially because it’s a viable excuse to turn away suitors like Orsino. She spends all her time cooped up inside, turning away any men that come to the door, spending all her time instead with Maria, Malvolio, Feste, and Toby. Andrew only comes in later, and honestly I’m gonna talk about her relationship to a few of the aforementioned people and how it fits into this narrative in a hot sec.

In my opinion, she latches onto Cesario because she perceives him as nonthreatening, sort of a “safe” man. Then, later in the show, when she mistakes Sebastian for Cesario and marries him, I feel as if it’s because she doesn’t actually love Cesario, and nor does she actually love Sebastian. So when she gets married, it feels very much like she’s marrying a Man, not a Person, you get me?

Okay, now I wanna talk abt Toby, Maria, Andrew, Feste, and Malvolio. Toby and Andrew first! Toby is Olivia’s uncle, and he’s pretty invested in marrying her off to Andrew. There are two different interpretations of that intention that could fit into this narrative. The first is the obvious route: homophobic toby. the second is, i think, a much more interesting one, which is the consideration that toby and Andrew may or may not have been having a thing. This is when you get into the possible potential story that Toby’s somehow figured out what his niece is dealing with and is trying to be helpful by taking her off the market but remaining with Andrew himself, giving all three of them that freedom to be in their proper relationships, while keeping up appearances. This also possibly explains one of the reasons he’s so willing to throw Malvolio under the bus for Olivia’s love. Because he knows she can’t ever accept his advances. Do i think he’s right for trying to set Olivia up with Andrew in this hypothetical subtextual narrative? No, not really, but do I get where he’s coming from? Yeah.

Feste is interesting, because he’s a clown. And clowns are ALWAYS interesting. Feste is, I think, slightly more interesting than most clowns. Because he actively influences the plot, and has relationships within the circle of characters. He and Olivia have this wonderful teasing relationship, where he sometimes seems almost to take on a mentor-like figure for her? I don’t know if anyone else picked up on that when reading it or watching it, but there are a couple moments that make me go Hm, that was kinda cute and uncle-y, yknow? Anyway, clowns always strike me as strange fourth-dimensional genderless beings, not bound by the confines of the fourth wall or the world of the story. Feste ESPECIALLY, though. Like touchstone’s just an asshole, Lear’s fool is mostly just fourth-wall breaking and goofy, and feste like……..knows things. This is my really roundabout way of saying i think feste is olivia’s personal GSA LMAO

Maria I don’t have much to say about, like I think there could be something between her and olivia, but that would just depend on the actors playing them. There are a few moments textually, but not so much that it’s a super easy read of things.

Now, Malvolio is Interesting. Because take this narrative and then put in the cross-gartered stocking scene. I’ve been trying to put my emotions about the way this could play out down for a really long time, and I’ve having a hard time doing it. I just think it would be really awful for both of them. If you took my quiz you probably know that I have a lot of sympathy for malvolio and that i think what was done to him was unforgivable. But i have a lot of sympathy for olivia too, and I just think that this scene could be very funny or very heartbreaking or both and I’d love to work with two incredibly experienced actors to see what they could do with it.

Ok ok ok now let me talk about olivia, viola, and malvolio, because they all have something super interesting in common—the ‘vol’ root, meaning ‘wishing.’ It shows up in words like benevolent, and in other characters like Benvolio in Romeo and Juliet. Twelfth Night is about a lot of things, but with the fact that three characters have the vol root? It’s interesting to think about. Olivia spends most of the play wishing for Cesario, Viola spends most of the play wishing for Orsino, and Malvolio… well, his name is a literal direct converse to Benvolio’s name, Malvolio means ill-wishing and benvolio means good-wishing, but that’s tangential. Malvolio still spends the play wishing. What he’s wishing for is up for debate, is he wishing for Olivia? For status? For love in general? Up to the actor. But I think the important point I’m trying to make here is that Viola is the only one who actually gets what she’s wishing for. Olivia marries someone, yes, but she doesn’t marry cesario. Cesario who is...wait for it...Viola. (Not including potential interpretations that present Viola as trans or nonbinary, I LOVE those interpretations and absolutely don’t mean to undermine them in any way with the point I’m making here. For the purposes of this narrative, I feel the need to present Viola as a woman or female-aligned.) Olivia spends the play wishing for a woman and then marries the closest male equivalent that’s available. If that isn’t a narrative that could easily be presented as a lesbian with comphet, I’ll eat my sword.

Final thing I wanted to point out is Olivia’s direct parallel to Antonio. She spends the play pining for Viola, while Antonio spends the play pining for Sebastian. I think it’s made pretty clear in 5.1 that Sebastian returns Antonio’s feelings, at least partially, which often gives me pause to wonder about what tha means for Olivia and Sebastian’s marriage. All i’m saying is that if olivia’s a lesbian, and sebastian’s with antonio, they’ve essentially accidentally achieved what toby hypothetically set out to do with sir andrew.

Basically, I guess all I’m saying is that theres a ton of meat there for actors to sink their teeth into, and I’d really love to put on a version of this show that follows this narrative when im in college, because i think there’s so much to explore with lesbian olivia that mostly isn’t all that touched on. When people think of lgbt themes in twelfth night, often their minds will leap to sebastian and antonio, or orsino and viola, and I absolutely know why, and to be honest I do the same. But i think theres a fuckton to be explored with lesbian olivia, and that it’s worth spending some time contemplating, even if you ultimately decide that this interpretation of the character is not your cup of tea.

#askdrew #infodumping #shakespeare tag #thank u for indulging me anon <3 #ok to rb

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

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* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

#irvingintro #violence tw #(more of a brief mention)#bt still #jst reposting bc its been so long JFGDHFDSGSLFKG

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sincerelyreidburke · 5 years ago

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i know this is quinnamon roll's theatre time here rn, but how does he get on with the other cricket children rhododendron and rat boy? was Nando nervous to introduce them? what do rhododendron and ratatouille think of quinnjamin?? (idk why i cant just use their names tbh sorry)

My friend, forgive me! This response to your ask has been slightly delayed. But now is a good time to reiterate that, as a PSA, if you send me an ask, I will answer it— even if that doesn’t happen right away. The way I sort through my inbox isn’t exactly arbitrary, because I do try to go from oldest to newest, but sometimes I’ll get several asks about the same concept or character, and I’ll decide I want to space them out a little.

Anyway. That was just an aside. This ask covers a generally broad cricket topic, so let’s start out the week on a wholesome note.

(This came in during a Quinn Theatre Hours session, which is context for the qualifying sentence. And feel free to ask me anything about the crickets!)

First of all, I seriously appreciate your inability to use their actual names. It’s a big mood. I’m sort of getting ahead of myself on the answer to your question here, but Rhodey does exactly what you did in your ask with Quinn all the time. As in, he can’t call him Quinn. He’s Q, or Quinnothy, or Quinnjamin, or His Royal Highness Sir Quinnington III, et cetera. Mostly, he’s just Q. But Rhodey is a goofball, and he gives him random not-names constantly.

Anyway, let’s backtrack a little, because there’s a thorough answer in store for your question.

Before he and Quinn actually become official, Nando has talked about Quinn to Rhodey and Touille. This starts early, probably on the night they meet at that Halloween party. He probably doesn’t say much right away, just that he was talking to a guy and he had a good night.

Touille doesn’t really latch onto this, because he’s not attentive when it comes to relationships. Rhodey, wingman of the century, absolutely does. Dude, when are you seeing that guy again? Did you find him on Instagram? You should ask Ford about him. What, are you gonna let a prime opportunity slip through your hands like this!???! N A N N Y. Bro. You gotta try to see him again. You guys talked for like three entire hours.

The reason Rhodey is adamant about this is: although I would absolutely not say that Nando let his failing relationship with N*te ruin his first two or so months at Samwell, he definitely let it affect him emotionally at least a little. I mean, how could he not? He was genuinely invested in making that work as an LDR, and N*te so obviously was not, so Nando was the one trying to keep the entire operation from collapsing. I don’t know why I’m making a relationship sound like a government strategy, but anyway. The point is. The only impression Rhodey has of Nando’s love live up to the point he meets Quinn is that Nando got treated like shit (and then cheated on) by his ex.

Rhodey, as his best friend, obviously thinks this sucks majorly and wants the best for Nando. So when a boy walks into Nando’s life whom Nando is obviously sweet on, Rhodey thinks he should seize the opportunity.

Anyway, that’s why Rhodey knows right away that he wants to set Quinn up with Nando for Winter Screw. And when Screw goes well, he considers it a huge win for his judgement and his best friend’s well-being.

So Nando and Quinn court. It’s soft. It’s schmoopy. They take, like, two weeks to actually become official because they’re both so useless and gay that each of them is waiting for the other to drop the will you be my boyfriend question. Finally, Quinn gets tired of ambiguity, and he just asks. Then they’re dating. And all is well.

The first time Quinn meets Rhodey and Touille is before they’re dating, but not long before that at all. Nando has talked about his friends, and he and Quinn are starting to make a habit of meeting up for some meals, so one day for lunch, he texts Quinn to come and meet him with his other freshman hockey friends.

Quinn is nervous, but Nando is more nervous. The reason Quinn is nervous is that he’s still sort of wary of jocks. Let it be known that Quinn has no deep-seeded jock trauma; he’s just a theatre kid, and the Samwell drama club in particular has reservations about the school’s athletes. Quinn is an incredibly confident person, and he’s not ashamed of himself or the things he loves to do or the way he is in the slightest. But he likes Sebastián, a whole lot, and he wants to be his boyfriend, and he knows how important his team friends are to him— so Quinn desperately wants his friends to like him. The thought of them disliking him or judging him makes him a little nervous.

(Quinn is literally that John Mulaney bit where he’s like “I need everyone to like me so much, all of the time!!!!!!!”)

Nando is more nervous, though, like I said. And the reasons are relatively similar. He wants Rhodey and Touille to get along with Quinn. Like Quinn, he is experiencing feelings of wanting to be his boyfriend. His best friends from back home did not get along with N*te, and it was a recipe for discomfort. Rhodey and Touille not liking Quinn wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for him, but it would leave him in an awkward situation, and he knows that.

He just feels so soft on him, and he wants his friends to understand how much he likes him, and how great he is.

Okay, so finally! We’ve reached the point of the post. Quinn comes to lunch. He introduces himself to them in his funny little formal way and sits down, and for the briefest, most terrifying second, Quinn realizes he brought nothing prepared for them to talk about.

And then Rhodey, because he is Rhodey, breaks the ice, and everything is uphill from there.

Rhodey gets along with people easily, and so does Nando. Touille may be a little more introverted, but he feeds off of their energy, and it makes their trio socially effective. So the conversation over lunch is animated and enjoyable, because the three crickets already work so well on their own, and they welcome Quinn right into the fold perfectly.

Once Rhodey and Touille learn they’re actually, officially dating, they’re well pleased. Because they like Quinn.

Now. In general? I want to talk a little about Rhodey and Quinn’s dynamic, because it’s priceless. They get along very well, to the point where Rhodey has a genuine friendship with Quinn that exists outside of Nando. Oh, sure, it’s based in the fact that Nando is dating Quinn, but the two of them just get along. They team up to organize for Nando’s birthday, bond over queer culture stuff (Rhodey and Quinn force Nando to watch Drag Race and it’s the best), share music recommendations, and just generally vibe. When Rhodey starts his secret undercover drag queen thing, Quinn is his costumer and also his makeup artist. Because apparently that’s a thing.

Alsooooooo Rhodey has emotional venting hours to Quinn when he’s being Angsty about a certain dumb Canadian rat boy.

Also, Rhodey is the king of chirping. He does a hilarious Quinn impression over team breakfast when Nando is being roasted for being a simp, and he does the refusal to call him by his actual name thing that we discussed above.

The four of them hang out all the time. I’ve mentioned briefly that Quinn is to the crickets as Farmer is to the frogs, and that’s absolutely true. The three crickets hang out on their own plenty, of course, but when Quinn tags along, there’s nothing awkward about it. Like, Rhodey and Touille aren’t the kind of friends who are like ugh, he always brings the person he’s dating around. Because the person Nando is dating is also their friend.

They do go clubbing together. I’m not even sorry about it. They’ll all cram themselves into Quinn’s tiny room and pregame while they get ready. “Why don’t they use Rhodey and Nando’s room, Mel?” Because the clubbing doesn’t start until their sophomore year, when Rhodey and Nando both live in the Haus in separate rooms, and they’re avoiding Captain Whiskey trying to be discreet.

The point is: Rhodey and Touille love Quinn, and he loves them right back. There’s no room for friends-clashing-with-boyfriend angst in Nando’s story.

Also, this is very much a found-family thing for Quinn, because his sister is the only actual family he has, and she’s far away. In Nando, and by extension in his friends, Quinn finds a home.

Thank you for the ask! :D

#oc taddies #crickets #quindo

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riskeith · 4 years ago

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good morning love! (or afternoon for you hehe)

deku vs kacchan part 2 is my favorite ep of the entire series actually. i’ve watch that ep so many times as well it’s just perfect. i got into them when i watched that episode actually! the voice acting god..... literally shivers. now that i think about it it might even be my favorite anime ep of all time help. i just love how bakugou lets it all out and we get to see that side of him.. the insecure scared child he tries to hide. god i could ramble about it forever idk just love it. OH YOU WATCHED THE MOVE RIGHT AFTER? a scene with bakugou and todoroki is guaranteed a good time.. and they work so well together. haha that’s such a nice coincidence tho their dynamic is great in that movie even if it’s mostly kiribaku sjsksjk. what do you think about kiribaku btw?

RIGHT!!! at least we have a couple days to decide hihi.... paimon no longer emergency snack.. only seelie. 🥴 oooh? what kind of thing have you envisioned? (if you wanna share ofc!)

i’ve seen so many people mention that!! like one of the worst parts of the game is that in the higher level you get the less there are to do.. ssjksjdk at some point all you can do is grind domains and try to level up shdkdfhdj

LEVEL 40 INTO A LEVEL 70+ FIGHT ok that’s honestly hilariously brave doesn’t she like die right away 😔 oh yeah you’ll be leveling up Again soon *praying for you*... can’t believe they don’t keep the easy bosses anymore sjdkfh that’s so rude. this game is just grind grind grind. WE NEED A BENNY STORY SO BADLY. like imagine a story with him wanting to seek out diluc because he wants to learn how to fight from a master or something like that. i saw it in a comic and i can’t stop thinking about it 😭 all of them deserve stories!!! there’s so many ways they could make it happen pls mihoyo... chongyun x xingqiu story... <333

shfkjdskdjhf nope right now i’m playing with noelle as my main damage dealer, traveller, lisa and barbara actually. so i think i have a pretty good balance atm.. 2 long range 2 short range-ish. i usually trade out barbara for another character if i have to tho, hehe. that’s only combat though ^ benny is with me when we explore. mood is me having a 5 star and not even using her... i still need to think of ways qiqi could fit into the group yk. is your group still looking the same as before? ooooh if you could rank the elements what would your ranking look like?

172!!!!! that’s a bit short though when you said tall i thought like... 190 or something sjksjdxk. wait how tall are You?

oh i just meant like... people bashing others for spending too much money on the game vs those that bash people for not spending money and complaining that they don’t get 5 star etc? idk yt comments can be so ugly though so it’s a good thing that you don’t read them sjdjdjdkd

that’s super smart!!! you just follow along the plan and delete when you come to the part. must feel so satisfying too i imagine. haha, what little notes i have i put in the notes app and just check up on when i need to. sometimes i even forget they’re there shdkdhsks. my notes are filled with half-assed dialogue or random one words notes that don’t make any sense to me anymore.. nskdhddjdj

you’re right!! so you write at night? sometimes i just open docs on my phone and write a bit before i sleep and when i wake up it’s either a grammatical mess or just... super bad hskshd the brain is simply too tired to create anything shakespeareian

nooo i’ll def check these out and let you know what i think. i’ve seen halsey being in pretty much every klance playlist on spotify so i imagine she portrays their vibes pretty nicely. doesn’t she have a song she sings about being blue and red or something... shdjfhdj such a bad description but i see it being used in edits a lot. also now that i think of it melanie has a song called pacify her that i really like!! do you like it?

THATS SO CUTE YOU ARE A CRYBABY. 🥺 same here tbh i actually like crying sometimes... sjskdjdjd like you said it just feels nice to get it all out. i cry to almost movie or series or book i read i’m a super emotional person but i also think it adds to the experience? you feel more immersed in it that way.

RIGHT??? ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and it’s our boys 😭 and they’re cuddling 😭 under the sun 😭 ssjdjdhdjdj 😭

can’t wait to hear from you again <3 yours, ma <3

good night! more like ahhah

:o!! that’s so legendary of them wow.. <33 and yeah honestly the voice acting is phenomenal.. and all the implications behind the fight too? bakugou finally opening up? midoriya understanding that what he needs is to fight him? ugh. kiribaku is fine! fhdsjfks my brain is so full of todobaku that any other ship is really just... in the background hfskjfs but i can appreciate the relationship they have! with kiri being the only one bakugou has really acknowledged and seeing as being on the same level, that iconic hand clasp when bakugou was being rescued... i have a kiribaku fic in my drafts but idk if i can ever get to it ahha. you like them a lot right?

ikkk also i didn’t know we had to wait until the very end to buy? i have more than enough to buy it rn but when i clicked it said ‘must explore area 14 first’ and i was just... bruh. AHAHAH. okay so in my mind it’s like.. chongyun at a funky angle we’re kinda looking up at him and his body is like bent down towards us fhsdkjs idk how to describe it but i can picture it very well but i also cannot put it to paper/screen. and then his clothes are just black instead of white! HAHAH. tho i kinda wanna see if i can draw a xiao first to offer up to the gacha gods hfsdjkfs (and if i can i’ll do a version w a dark outfit too for u hehe)

legitttt im literally just logging in and grinding the talent domains every day fhsdkjfhskfhjd there are some artifacts i want as well but the domain is literally SO difficult for me fuck.

i just go in and use her skill then heal a bit and switch right away fhsdkjfsd it going alright! and then i go ham with my other 3 charas and switch back to her to heal again fhskfjd. OMGGG that’s so cute please... i miss diluc too... come back!! i wish we had a way to replay the old quests even if we get nothing out of them like i just wanna experience it again ya know.

oooo! that’s pretty nice. hfskjd you could switch barbara out for qiqi! since she’s a healer as well. omg wait you have lumine right? so your combat team has no males? legendary 😩 we love fighting queens! ya! traveller, chongyun, xiangling, fischl. and then i switch depending on the domain/boss i’m gonna fight. hmm elements I think would go: anemo, cryo, electro, pyro, hydro, geo, dendro? LMAO i reckon if i had diluc tho pyro would be higher... i also almost forgot to add geo to that list lmaooooooo oops, hbu??

I JUST SAW THE LINK.... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! the bestest boys look how cute they’re sjdkfjdjjdd i’m obsessed. the picture where benny has his back turned sjdudjdjddnd stop. 🥺 they’re so neat. 🥺 also NO ARE YOU SERIOUS? that’s so upsetting are you gonna try it out nonetheless or do you think it’s too risky?

they’re SO neat!!! and bennett facing the other way was so fhskjfd yeah cute <3333333 I KNOWWW IM SO SAD :((( and no...... im not gonna try 😭😭😭 i told my brother about it too and he asked how many rolls i was at and i said 70 and he was straight up ‘you can’t try then’ and i was like ��i know 😔😔’. @ xiao... i am giving up xingqiu rate up for you 😤😤😤😤 ugh i hope i can still get xingqiu in xiao’s banner tho even tho the chances will be shit. are you gonna roll ganyu’s banner?

FHSKJFSD NOOOOOO don’t tell me 172 is average for you wtf... (apparently the average male height in japan is 160cm! for reference ahah) and i myself am. one hundred and. fifty something cm hfsdjfhskjdfhskdjfhw9uehdsifhwsdkjfhsdkfhsd 😔 big sighs lmaoooooooo. how tall are you? (im assuming much taller 😔😔😔😔😔)

ooh notes app? nice ahaha. fhdkjfhskfsk hdthat’s the mood tho! if i don’t have my laptop with me i’ll write out everything on notes first then transfer to my laptop~

AHAHAH yeahhh i think mostly i do? bc during school times i’ll only write after i’m done with my work which = night time. for a while Peak writing time for me was like 1am lmfao but i do that in a like half-asleep half-conscious state so when i come back the next day at a “normal” time i run into the same issue as you fshdfkjshfs

she does!!! it’s called colours 😩 but i think the one i related to voltron most is control! there was this really good shiro edit with that song i still remember it to this day <3 yeah i do!!! i like most of melanie’s songs actually ahahah. i think my favourite for a while was show and tell~

it totally does!! like it’s satisfying as well you know... like the characters have gone through so much and you experienced that with them so it’s natural to get emotional about it. that reminds me, what kind of books do/did you read? did you read all Those YA novels ahah talking about crying has reminded me how i cried reading those..

<333 i wanna be there with them 😩 actually no i want to BE them 😩😩😩

eager for your response <33 love, c.r.

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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luxenna · 3 years ago

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what's up i'm back from the dead.

i am ~single~ now, so lets just get that out of the way.

i don't really feel like talking about that in this blog rn, maybe another time.

I want to talk a little bit about how I've changed these past two years. These past two years have hands down been the hardest two years of my life. I went through a lot of trauma during these two years, and I'm happy I came out alright. But as a result, I started behaving very differently and acted out a lot.

Historically, I've handled my anxiety pretty badly. I did it the best way I knew how, but it was still a traumatic experience - I would cry a lot, I would still have panic attacks, and I would have to try to calm myself down during the whole thing. And after it was over, I didn't feel good - I felt defeated and tired.

My anxiety got way worse after I experienced some traumatic events in my life, and it was starting to spiral out of control. My work was suffering, so I had to take a couple weeks off of work for my own mental health. I came back feeling a bit better, but I still had to handle frequent panic attacks.

I recently had something happen to me and I realized that I couldn't handle my anxiety the way I do anymore. I always felt very helpless, that letting it happen was the only way to handle my anxiety, but I realize now that it's not the case.

My anxiety stems from a LOT of fear, which is... pretty much what anxiety is, but it's the manifestation of my fears I developed as a child. My fear of abandonment, failure, not being enough, not being loved, not being accepted - it's a lot of shit to go through as a kid.

So when people talk about healing your inner child, I never really understood what that meant but I really understand that now. I feel like a child whenever I get anxious, and I act out just like a child.

Knowing this, I've started to approach my anxiety in a much different way and it's helped A LOT. Like, way more than I thought it would help. I'm a lot more gentle with myself, I talk things out one step at a time, as if I was literally talking to a child. I reassure myself I'm going to be okay, and my panic attacks either end very quickly or don't happen at all. It's honestly incredible.

I've only done this for about two weeks now, so I am pretty new to it, but the results have been really amazing. But fucking hell, it is really exhausting and sometimes it's hard not to get frustrated. Sometimes I get frustrated with myself that I didn't figure this out until now, but I think that's sort of a useless thought because at least I'm doing it now.

Another thing that I hate to admit is that I handle my mental illness in destructive ways when it gets really bad. Like self harm, drinking, taking sleeping pills, it.. it is really bad, and I never wanted to admit that, but yes, I was still doing those things for a while. I haven't done it at all for about a month, I can't really say the total amount of time that I haven't done anything destructive but I know it's at least about a month. It's so hard not to do anything destructive. It felt good to have something in my control in my life, and that was my own self destruction. And even if it felt good at the time, it made me feel like shit afterwards, and it stressed out everyone around me.

I ended up losing someone really important to me because I couldn't handle my anxiety very well, and I realized that I lost a lot of people in my life because of how I handled my anxiety. And it hurts to think about. And it makes me sad. But the only thing I can really do is move forward from this. I'm scared of what is to come out of this, but I am mostly hopeful. I don't want to be this person anymore. I am a great person overall, but there are parts of me I want to change.

A part of me changing also includes being more in tune with my emotions and what I'm going through, so I will try to blog here more. No promises tho cause I also have been doing a lot more vlogging (they are pretty private so I'm not planning on uploading them). But whenever I feel like typing is the best way to express my feelings, I'll go ahead and post here.

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toosicktoocare · 7 years ago

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Seizure Writing Guide!

****This is the seizure anon. I apologize for the wait, I was really excited to share what I knew with you, but then I realized that not only did I write way more than I expected, but I also added comments based on that story you wrote that are denoted with an asterisk at the beginning and end of each comment. I figured you could probably take them out before you actually post it because the notes are explicitly to you. If there’s any way to keep my screen name from posting with the submission that would be awesome because I’m not ready to be “outed” in the community just yet, but if it’s too difficult that’s okay (I’m only 16 and a senior in high school).

So the entire reason why I know anything about what a seizure feels like is because I have grand mal and juvenile absence epilepsy. I had my first grand mal seizure when I was 11, although my neurologist suspected that I had been having absence seizures since age 8. As I went along with my treatment, things started going awry and I developed narcolepsy with cataplexy and a slew of other problems.

Even though I’ll eventually grow out of the epilepsy, I will struggle with severe narcolepsy for the rest of my life. It has robbed me of all control over my sleep wake cycle and made my life touch and go ever since. Lately, I’ve been experiencing a flare-up, something that makes my condition much worse. They occur when I’m stressed or sick, mainly because my narcolepsy is auto immune (which is why, in my opinion, it would make good fic material, but that doesn’t concern this rn). I’ve been battling fatigue all week, and I’m sorry submitting it just slipped my mind. If you want to know more about it, talking about it helps and I can take questions. (After all, you know who I am now.)

So, once again, sorry for the wait. Guide begins below the hash mark, don’t forget to take out the asterisk paragraphs before you post. ****

This is a guide to writing seizures! If you have any knowledge/experience to add, or perhaps if I misrepresented something feel free to add your thoughts as this is for the community as a whole to use!

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General Information

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A seizure is an excess firing of the neurons in the brain. This misfiring can be generalized (affecting both sides of the brain) or focal (affects one side of the brain, a specific area of the brain, etc). Of the focal onset seizures, there are two sub categories, simple partial (person is fully/mostly aware) and complex partial (some changes in levels of consciousness).

Generalized onset seizures normally produce the more obvious/well known symptoms of a seizure, whereas focal onset seizures can have some pretty weird symptoms.

The categories and seizure types that fit into them are as follows:

Generalized- - Convulsive (myoclonic, clonic, tonic, tonic-clonic, atonic) - Non-convulsive (absence-typical/atypical) - Unclassified

Focal- Simple Partial (4 categories) - w/motor symptoms * convulsive/jerking motions, unusual head or eye movements, numbness, tingling, a crawling feeling on your skin, etc.

- w/sensory symptoms * feeling weird pressure or warmth, seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting weird things

- w/autonomic symptoms (autonomic = things that the body regulates automatically, like temperature) * usually things like sweating, stomach churning, nausea, unexplained sense of fear, etc.

- w/psychic symptoms * warped time perception, dysmnesic (deja-vu sense), strong feelings of fear, illusion, hallucinations, difficulty or discomfort swallowing

Complex Partial- - simple partial onset then impaired consciousness - impaired consciousness at onset simple partial evolving into second generalized

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Types of Seizures

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Grand Mal (Tonic-Clonic) Seizures

This is the main type, normally consisting of 4 stages; aura, tonic, clonic, and aftermath. Common triggers include the presence of epilepsy, flashing lights, fever, and head trauma. The victim needs to be monitored during each of the four stages to ensure safety. It is also important to note that any grand mal seizure lasting more than 5 minutes can result in permanent brain damage.

From the victim’s perspective, they may/may not know what is going on depending on whether or not they’ve had a seizure before. Many epileptics are able to tell when they are about to have a seizure based on how their aura phase presents itself. The most common forms are seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting/feeling things that aren’t there. For example, smelling something burning, a metallic taste in the mouth, or possibly even strong feelings of deja vu/turning of he stomach. For non-epileptics and people having their first seizure, it may present as just a feeling of uneasiness and slight drowsiness. It depends on what area(s) of the brain is/are affected.

After the aura, the tonic phase hits and the victim loses consciousness as the body stiffens, lasting 10-25 seconds for the average person. Then the clonic phase hits and the body convulses for an average of 30-50 seconds. The clonic phase is probably the most dangerous part of the seizure because of the possibility of injury. The most important thing to remember is that you have to get the person in a position where they cannot his their head on anything, and you should NEVER try to restrain them while they’re convulsing. It can cause a lot more damage if you try and restrain them than if you just let it take its course.

The aftermath can consist of anything from nausea to a fog-like confusion, and the victim should never be left alone until the stage is completed and the person has regained consciousness and functions normally. It is not uncommon for the victim to forget their name, nor is it for the victim to forget where they are.

Morning of my first seizure I felt abnormally drowsy and I had a mild headache, but I waved it off as the result of staying up late too many nights in a row. So I went to school anyway and made it two hours into my day when suddenly I began to feel extremely heavy, like a lead blanket had been placed over me. I put my head down on my desk, but I kind of knew that I wasn’t falling asleep; it was a different feel. I woke up in the hospital, thoroughly confused, disoriented, and slightly weak. I had woken up in the ambulance, but apparently I couldn’t remember my own name. It took me about 2 days to really recover, but only about a half an hour to an hour to become mostly aware.

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Petit Mal (Absence) Seizures

This is about as close to unconsciousness without actually being unconscious. Can be caused by flashing lights and hyperventilation, but they are normally unprovoked.

Characterized by a blank stare, they are well described by the phrase “time traveling” because you have no clue what goes on during them. It’s like one minute you’re there and then a second passes and you realize a minute passed and you can’t remember what you were doing before. It’s not painful, just really annoying and confusing. They last 30 seconds on average, but can last longer.

Given the elusive nature of absence seizures, it’s pretty unlikely that a quick trip to Web MD would be able to diagnose this. Petit mal seizures are extremely hard to diagnose, especially without an EEG (stands for electroencephalogram, which is a machine that measures brain waves through electrodes applied to the patient’s head). They usually cannot occur in rapid succession, but having multiple absence seizures in a day is possible.

****That is precisely why I liked your story so much! Yes, the “cloud” would be more of an aura phase because you usually can’t tell when they’re going to happen, but as the seizure are a result of possible brain damage it totally works. It was an inventive way to approach it, and I liked the idea. It just makes sense for him because he can’t control how often/intense the ‘glitching’ is.****

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Other, More Obscure Types of Seizures

Tonic Seizures

Seizure where the body goes rigid. Usually happens during sleep, but can occur when awake. Generally lasts for 20 seconds or less, minimal changes in consciousness. Can happen to any age group.

Clonic Seizures

Seizure where the body convulses in specific areas or full body. Usually only found in newborns/infants.

Atonic Seizures

Nicknamed “drop seizures”, it’s a sudden loss of muscle tone either in certain areas of the body or throughout the whole body. Normally lasts less than 15 seconds and person is conscious.

To the person experiencing the episode, it’s terrifying when to have the first one because there you are, going about your daily life and then BOOM you’re on the floor and can’t move. You want to move, but even if you will yourself to move with every fiber of your being, you can’t. Then, when you can move, you may realize you broke something on the way down, or maybe you lost consciousness because you hit the corner of a table on the way down. They are very dangerous, and many people (especially children) who experience uncontrolled atonic seizures are recommended to wear helmets to reduce the risk of injury during a sudden attack.

****I haven’t had an atonic seizure before, but I have had something very, very similar called a cataplexy attack. They SUCK. I developed severe narcolepsy w/cataplexy as a result of having abnormal neural activity (epilepsy), and my first cataplexy attack was TERRIFYING. I was standing up and laughing at something, next thing I know I’m on the ground in excruciating pain because I lost control of my muscles, landed wrong, and broke my tailbone. I was conscious the whole time but I couldn’t move for a good 20 seconds, was in extreme pain, and actually thought I broke my spine (I was 13). I wouldn’t be surprised is something like this happened during an atomic seizure. The important thing to note is that cataplexy attacks are triggered by emotions, whereas atonic seizures cannot be triggered by anything.****

Myoclonic Seizures

These are seizures that are shown through rapid jerking of the extremities. It’s like severe flinching, or like when a chill runs down your back, and it’s completely involuntary. They can occur at any stage in life.

****I can see the most potential in this for writing purposes because when I had them, I would think 'ey I’m glitching’ and I can see Jeremy and Michael freaking out over something like this. For me it usually didn’t feel like anything, but when it happened with my eyelids it was really weird (my eyelids would twitch and it Mede it hard to pay attention and sometimes got uncomfortable). It’s like muscle spasms, but without pain.****

Febrile Seizures

Not going to lie, almost forgot to add this to the list. Wasn’t sure where to put it, so naturally I just tacked it on to the end. So, febrile seizures are seizure that are triggered by fever. It mainly happens with newborns/small children, and it’s pretty much just convulsions.

-°-

Hope you enjoyed, feel free to add things!

#this is so interesting and educational!!#ya'll check this out if you are writing seizures!#this is so detailed!#thank you sweets!#submission

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deafinatlyafan · 8 years ago

Text

You are Loved

I just want to note, Asexual is not the same thing as Aromantic, and Aromantic is different from Asexual. Aromantic is when you don’t experience romantic attraction (“oh I’m so lovey dovy about that person” although this doesn’t include desire to date or marry.) Asexual is when you don’t experience sexual attraction (“gosh dang it I need your body specifically.” They can still want sex, they just don’t experience their body saying that about a person.) This fic doesn’t really reach into each sexuality (Except arguably Morality’s asexuality), but it does mention it.

(I’m aro ace so idk what attractions are like so correct me if I’m wrong please.) Someone can be both asexual and aromatic, but in this case, Logic is Aromantic and Morality is Asexual. Logan is aromantic, but he can still have sexual feelings towards someone. Morality is Asexual so he doesn’t experience sexual attraction, but he can still experience romantic attraction.

if you want someone to blame BLAME @stary-puppy @sanders-sideblog @prinxietyhell @analogically-prinxiety and @doctorshufflepuff FOR THIS Terrible angst (And for being supportive through my writing process. I hope you all love me because you might not love me during the fic. (and don’t throw your device across the room please, I almost did.)

Also I wanted to show what abuse can look like. Most of these are not from my experience but I’ve seen some of this happen and I’ve heard stories of peoples experience so wanted to show how realistic it is. Girls are rarely shown as abusive so I wanted to show how terrifying it can be. If anyone is experiencing the things Morality experiences (no matter your or your abusers gender), especially from the beginning, please reach out and talk to someone in your local area. Even if they love you, it’s not okay. I know not everybody will listen to you, but please take care of yourself. You Are Loved even if you don’t feel like it.

trigger warning: this contains a lot of abuse. Mostly emotional abuse and physical but it implies sexual harassment in some parts. I will have a different fic coming up tonight (but way later on) with no abuse in it if this is triggering or too angst for you.

. . . . . . . . . .

“Oh, Come on Morality! First you won’t tell me your real name, then you tell me you don’t want to have sex, and now you tell me you want to have kids in the future! We can’t have kids without sex Morality!” Brianna, his girlfriend, shouted. Morality was confused. They didn’t need to have sex to get an adoption form. He knew that.

“B-b-but”

“No you shut up and let me speak.” she snapped, Morality shut his mouth looked down, closing his eyes to keep the tears from falling out. He knew when she got like this the best option was to stay quiet, but he felt so shaky and scared.

“You look at me when I talk to you!” She screamed. Morality took a deep breath, but before he could look up she grabbed his chin and pulled it up harshly.

“What did I say!” she snapped. Morality stayed quiet, starting to sob.

“Look at you! You’re such a cry baby! I should be the one crying. You won’t have sex with me and you’re telling me you don’t love me.”

“No- Bri I do love you” Morality thought, but he stayed quiet and closed his eyes. Why didn’t he show his girlfriend how much he loved her sooner? He should have known she was upset and didn’t feel loved. He knew how that felt like.

“You keep saying you’re Asexual as if that gives you the right to not love me, well, guess what Morality, that’s a sh– Hey look at me when I speak. If you wont have sex with me the least you can do is look at me.”

Brianna pushed him harder than he expected and he let out a quiet whimper. Morality had closed his eyes while she was speaking, but he opened them now, too scared of what she would do.

* Meanwhile Logic was at his desk trying to read this book about abusive relationships. Morality was detaching and rarely called them and Brianna was… extremely sweet, but sometimes Morality sounded afraid of her; like, for example, if Logic asked him if he wanted to hang out with him in front of her, Morality wouldn’t know how to answer.

“I’m fine.” Morality would insist, but Logic didn’t believe it. Something was off about the couple. Brianna to be specific.

He was trying to figure out how to help Morality when he suddenly got a call. Logic jumped and stared at his phone; He had not expected anyone to call him, especially at night. Was Morality okay? He looked at the phone and was scared. It was Morality. Did something happen? His hands shook as he pressed answer but before he could speak he could hear yelling.

“Well Look at you! An Asexual who wont even have sex to have kids! You should be thankful that I even love you! You can’t have kids without sex and you don’t even want sex. You need to have sex to have kids! No Morality I wont even consider adoption until you have sex with me at least. That way you know how good it feels to have a real kid!”

Logan was shocked and furious. He could not begin to explain how he felt in that moment. This was worse than he thought. He wanted to hang up but he couldn’t bring himself to hang up. He just couldn’t.

“No-you don’t get to talk unless its an apology or to tell me you were kidding.” What Llogic heard next broke his heart and made him fume with anger.

“I-I’m sorry-I-I just.” Morality sounded terrified and like he was barely brave enough to talk.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t quite hear that.” Brianna said in a soft anger.

“I’m sorry.” Morality was whimpering.

Logan knew he had to do something right now, and he knew the police would be of no help. He got up and grabbed Thomas’s keys. He was sure he wouldn’t mind, it was an emergency after all.

“You-” Logic froze at the sound of someone getting slapped. He was now shaking from anger and fear. He needed to hang up of there was any chance of driving to Brianna’s house. Hanging up, he went to text his friend.

//I ned to talk to you about something plese meet me at the door of Brianas house.\

He went to the car and started the car. Logic needed to get to Brianna’s house before she could do any more damage. He backed up and drove as fast as he could towards her address, hoping to draw some passing Police’s attention by his speeding and hoping that he’d make it before it got worse.

Morality was standing there as she screamed and slapped him. It stung but he didn’t want to react, this was his girlfriend, he didn’t want to be abusive to her just because he didn’t want to do something.

“I’m done-I’m literally done. Go to your room I don’t care, were not snuggling tonight.” Briana said putting her hand to her head like she was exhausted.

“Bri-I-I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do?”

“Well the thing I want you to do you wont do, so no Morality; just-just get out of my sight.” she sounded so disappointed in him.

“I-I’m sorry.” Morality walked away and went to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door. He didn’t want his girlfriend to walk in again; they had a fight last time and she got a bruise from slipping when he pushed her away and he never forgave himself for that. He turned the shower on to help cover any sound of him crying. He leaned towards the door, lips wavering and let out a big sob, grabbing his mouth to muffle it a bit. He couldn’t do this. He loved her but he couldn’t do this.

“But she loves me and she’s putting up with me not wanting sex with her, of course she’s under a lot of pressure.”

“But I’m supost to be comfortable around her!” he felt guilty for even thinking that. He was supost to be making her happy, not worrying about himself. Besides he needed to get out of his comfort zone as everybody said. He could feel his phone buzz indicating he had a text. He sniffed and pulled his phone out. He had three new messages.

//I ned 2 talk to you, I’m driving to Briana’s house rn. Plase its an emergency. I’ll be there in ten minute’s.\

Morality sniffled and wiped his nose with his hand. Logic misspelt please. He never mispealt anything or even shortened words. He knew this meant that Logic needed to see him. Besides they hadn’t seen each other for weeks, and when they did they barely talked because Bri was always either leading him away, or the one doing the talking. Morality knew how she loved to talk so he just let it happen.

//Sure, just let me know when you’re here and I’ll come out. I just need to take a quick shower.\

He knew he needed to calm down and a shower usually did the trick. He stepped in the warm water relaxing every inch of his body and let himself cry and leaned against the wall a couple times. He needed to let it out quickly so he could help Logic with whatever it was. After he was sure he was done crying, he turned the water off and got out, and dressed in his regular clothes. He had put some of his clothes in the bathroom in case Brianna kicked him out of her room again, but it was fine. It wasn’t too often that it happened. * Logan pulled into the curb and jumped out, frustrated that no police officers had seen his car. He had texted Morality nine minutes ago telling him to be ready, but he had no idea what to expect. He took a deep breath and walked to the door, texting Morality that he had just arrived. Whatever he was feeling, Morality felt worse and he needed help. Logan just had to forget his fear and focus on helping Morality. He walked up to the door and knocked. The door opened to a surprised and annoyed Brianna, but she quickly smiled.

“Hey Logan! How are you doing?” Briana asked. “Hey Brianna.” Logan said looking in the building. Everything looked messy but that wasn’t too much of a surprise, “Where’s Morality?” he asked.

“Just cleaning himself up. He hasn’t been himself lately, he’s always complaining about something and not in the mood to clean.” Logan clenched his fist. He knew that she was lying through her teeth, but he had read studies telling him that he needed to stay calm to avoid making it worse for Morality.

“I need to talk to him.”

“About what?”

“It’s a boy’s thing.”

“Oh.” She was quiet but she spoke up “I’m afraid he can’t come to it today. He promised me he’d do something very special for me.” She winked at him and Logic felt his nails dig into his skin. He could tell from her voice that she was thinking of sex. Morality was never comfortable with sex or even thinking about it. He also would not be shaking behind her right now if he was comfortable with that.

“Hey Morality.” Logan said. Brianna turned, surprised but smiled.

“Hon, where are you going?” “I’m just going with Logic to talk.” Morality gave an obvious fake smile.

“But Morality-”

“I’ll be back Bri, I promise. Logic is just going through a rough patch right now and needs someone to talk to.” Logic flinched at the nickname he gave her. She didn’t deserve anything from Morality. Except maybe a punch.

“But… can’t you guys talk on the phone?” she asked putting her hands on Morality’s chest-which he was obviously uncomfortable with. Logic was beginning to fume.

‘Breathe, Logan, breath. It will be worse for him if you react.’ He reminded himself.

“Don’t worry I won’t leaf you for long!” Morality smiled. Brianna gave a small smile. She didn’t deserve to smile, not after what she did to him.

“Alright but be back before ten o’clock!” Brianna said giving Morality a kiss on the cheek. Morality flinched when Brianna leaned closed but just smiled and pretended he was fine.

“Let’s go.” Logic said, refusing to look at Brianna as Morality walked past him towards the car. Logic made sure the car was locked when Morality shut the door. He started the car and drove off. He had the sudden realization that he had no idea where he was going, but he needed to talk to Morality about this and they had to talk right now. After a few minutes, he decided to just blurt it out.

“You need to break up with her.”

Morality was shocked by what Logic said and Logic could see that from his peripheral vision. “I heard your fight; I assumed you butt dialed me when this happens, but my point still stands. She’s manipulating you, she’s yelling at you, she wouldn’t let us talk to each other- she even slapped you Morality! If anyone did those thing to me you would never-” Morality started sobbing. Logic panicked. Did he say something wrong?

“Oh crap-uh I don’t- how do I comfort-?” Logan pulled over near an empty spot. He turned to his crying friend, reaching an arm out to hug them awkwardly. He was never one for hugs, but he knew that it might help cheer Morality up. Morality laughed at the awkward hug.

“I’m glad you find my pain funny.” Logan answered. Morality suddenly felt bad, but calmed down once he saw Logic was smiling.

Logan was glad he could cheer Morality up, but he had no idea what to do now. Morality was the one that was good at these things, or even Anxiety. Why didn’t he bring Anxiety with him?

“Do you want to talk about it or?” Logan was hesitant to offer anything, but he read somewhere that you should let them speak and let them know you were open to listening. Morality sniffled before answering; “Will I ever be loved?” Logan was confused and shocked. Why would Morality even think that!? “Of course you will! Thomas loves you, Anxiety and Prince loves you, I hypothetically lo-”

“No, not that kind of love but- uh romantic love.” Morality closed his eyes and squirmed, feeling childish and small right now. Logan was confused before he remembered there was a thing called romantic attraction.

“Oh.” Logan said.

“I’m sorry, but its just-“ Morality was sobbing and crying, “Brianna and, well, everyone really, is bothering me about my asexuality ever since I said I haven’t had that feeling towards anyone. Brianna thinks I don’t love her and I do, I really do, but I can tell she doesn’t love me the same, but-I don’t know, I kind of feel like she’s the best I can get? She’s great when she’s not angry, it’s just so hard.” Morality couldn’t open his eyes and Logic leaned forward and gave him another hug.

“Look Morality, I know you love her. But if she doesn’t love you the same, why are you staying?”

“Because I’m lucky enough to be dating her at all! Nobody wants to date the guy that’s not into sex. She told me that; I’m lucky enough to even call her my girlfriend!”

“Morality-” he was shocked that Morality would even think this way. What had Brianna done to his best friend?

“I don’t know but I just feel so alone.” Morality was sobbing so hard now and leaned towards Logic. He let Morality cry and started petting his hair. He remembered seeing Anxiety and Morality doing this to each other and it seemed to be calming him down.

“I’m here.” He said, stroking his hair, “Just let it out.” They stayed like that for a few minutes, Morality sobbing loudly while Logic occasionally hummed whatever song he could think of as he strokes Morality’s hair.

After a while, Morality’s crying had died down and he sniffed and pulled back.

“I’m sorry I ruined your favorite shirt.” He said. Logic shrugged.

“I have plenty of shirts that look like this, plus I can just put it in the washer.”

Morality hiccupped from his crying and sniffed again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be a burden-”

“Morality you’re nothing like a burden. Sure, you can make useless jokes and be annoying, but that makes you you and we love that!”

Morality sniffled.

“Do you really mean that?” he asked.

“Of course Morality! We wouldn’t be where we are if it weren’t for you!” Logic said. Morality sniffed and Logic hesitated before asking softly: “Do you want to talk about it?”

Morality closed his eyes, looking pained. Logan felt his phone vibrate and quickly looked down, hoping it was one of the other sides. Maybe they could help. It was Thomas;

//wheres my car???\

//w/ morality, bri just abused him Tryin to calm him down. get others. we need a group comfot sesion\\

“I don’t know anymore.” Morality finally said. Logan turned his phone off and looked at him, giving him all the attention. He shouldn’t have been on his phone, but he need to see if it was one of them and tell them to prepare.

“All I know is that I want kids, and she kind of does too, but she wants to have them through sex and I don’t want to do that- at all. Kissing and snuggling is my limit and -it’s not enough for her.”

“Then find someone it’s enough for” Logic thought, but he kept quiet. It was rare for Morality to even admit his dark feelings and he didn’t want to ruin it. Morality felt so much and rarely let it out. He needed this.

“And I just- I don’t know-I’m worried that even if I do break up with her, I will miss the chance to date and love someone. I-just-I don’t think there’s anybody for me.”

“Of course there’s somebody for you! That’s ridiculous. It will be someone who realizes how great you are, asexual and all, and love you for that. Not somebody who screams at you and tells you that you need to do something you’re uncomfortable with!”

“But everyone is talking about going out of your comfort zone and I just-”

“That’s referring to the ‘I don’t really want to do this and I’m nervous’ discomfort- Not ‘this petrifies me and I don’t want to do this at all and if I do it I’ll hate myself’ Discomfort. Besides if you do want to do it with your partner, it’s a gradual thing. It’s different for everybody. However, nobody should be making you do something that makes you so uncomfortable you’re terrified or that it makes you hate yourself.”

“I just hate being confused. I can’t even tell if I’m asexual or just don’t want sex.” Morality hated himself for thinking it but it was true. Logic took a deep breath. He needed to try to comfort his emotional friend. It was the least he could do for Morality.

“Morality-look being Aromantic and all, I don’t experience this romantic feeling you do, but just because you feel that way-even if they’re just your friend- it doesn’t excuse them hurting you. They need to respect your boundaries and if they don’t-that’s abusive too. Even if you never end up having sex with someone that’s okay. You just don’t experience sexual attraction, or want sex in order to love somebody. Besides most of the time couples tend to show each other that they love them with things besides sex. And screw those who tell you that you can’t be attracted to someone without wanting sex. There are loads of other attractions that you can experience.”

“What about when people ask when you find someone cute?” Morality asked. Logan wasn’t sure what this had to do with their conversation but he answered anyway;

“I think animals are cute, but that doesn’t mean I want to date them.” Logan pointed out. Morality laughed. “I’m not sure why that made you laugh but always; asexual people can still experience romantic attraction and date or even have sex if they want, but not everybody is the same. I know plenty of Aromantic people who hate the thought of dating and I know Aromantic people who are thinking of getting married. Just like I know asexual people who want sex and asexuals who hate even thinking about sex.” “Yeah but-I don’t know. It’s just… sometimes I do think I will want to have sex with her, but when it’s about to happen? I just want to… hide away and just not exist and then they get mad at me for leading her on. I just want to be with her without that stuff.” Morality didn’t know what to say, Logan had accepted his own Aromantic identity with no problem. Morality wasn’t even sure if he was asexual. He was definitely not Aromantic. None of this made sense to him.

“Its okay if you don’t get it now. You’ll get it someday. But for the time being, you definitely don’t want sex, and she is forcing you. That’s abuse.”

Morality was tired of hearing that, but inside he knew it was true. Why couldn’t he just accept he didn’t know and move on?

Logic unparked the car and started driving.

“She’s-she’s not forcing me.” Morality said softly. Thinking about the times they almost had sex and he stopped her.

“Yes she is. She is making you feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with her to the point you feel like you’re going insane. Trust me Morality this is not healthy.”

Morality shook his head and brought his knees to his face. Logan was bothered by the shoes on the seat, but he could live with that.

“She’s-she’s not abusing me. She-she never touched me like-”

“But she did, when I came to pick you up you hated the way she was touching your chest. It might not have been sexual to you, but you were obviously uncomfortable and too scared to tell her and she saw that. Plus, she yells at you and makes you feel worthless. And she slapped you-I heard it don’t deny it. All that is abuse and is not acceptable Dad.” Logan put his hand on Morality’s hand, which was wrapped around his knee.

“But-but I’m a boy-” “Boy can still be abused, even by girls. Studies show that one in seven men, eighteen or older, have experienced severe abuse from their partner. Two in five gay and bisexual men will experience intimate partner violence in their life time. And another big fact, Its not your fault.”

Morality was quiet, but he let the tears fall down his face. It nice to let it out in front of somebody, even if they didn’t get it. He could feel some familiar bumping before Logic turn the car off. Morality opened his eyes, confused to see himself in front of Thomas house.

“Come on, the others haven’t seen you in a while. Its been a long time.”

Morality was shaking and crying, he didn’t want the others to see him like this-even though he did want to see them, but he knew Logic would bring the others out if he didn’t move. He got out and walked to the door, surprised to see Thomas open the door before they were even at the doorstep.

“Oh Morality.” Thomas gave him a hug. Morality was surprise but it felt so good and he started crying again. Why was he such a cry baby?

“Hey Morality, look who it is!” Morality turned to face Prince who was talking and smiled when he saw the puppet sick he had made for Prince when he was younger and got sick. “That’s sweet, thanks Prince.” He said, letting go of Thomas, even though Thomas held on a bit longer.

“Come inside!” Thomas said leading him to the couch. Morality sat down and pulled his knees to his chin. He felt so small in that moment, while the others gathered around him.

“Alright so spill. I know you want to talk about it, you just don’t want to say anything crappy about her because you’re a goody two shoes but you deserve to rant at least.” Anxiety said, holding two cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream-Morality’s favourite.

“Thanks guys.” He sniffed gratefully taking the hot chocolate.

“What happened?” Prince asked softly sitting besides Morality. Morality let out a shaky breath and started telling them everything. Through the story, he started sobbing. He told them about their first fight, their recent fight. about the first time she made him uncomfortable, and how he felt the entire time. The others were trying so hard to hide their anger towards the girl, trying to stay calm for the confused and scared side. He whimpered and cried when Anxiety even looked angry so they tried to stay calm and hold it in. He didn’t deserve any of this. How could she ever do this to the sweet harmless guy who could barely keep it in when he would accidentally step on the others toe.

When he started talking about the time she told him he couldn't’ be asexual if he was with her Anxiety snapped.

“I can’t believe she told you you couldn’t be asexual!” Anxiety was furious and was having difficulty hiding it.

“I know, but to be honest never had an attraction before and she knows that, but she’s mad I ‘m not attracted to her.”

“Well think of it this way. You’re not distracted so much by how much you want to have sexual intercourse with that person-” Prince pointed out.

“Yeah, but even if I broke up with Brianna, my next my partner will always mention how I never want sex, and then I worry about mentioning how much I don’t want to do it or worry about how they will react to me not wanting it. Or how much they’ll hate me after I tell them so I’ll have to-”

While Morality rambled on, the others were confused and worried. Morality had too much emotions for one person sometimes and he needed a break from it all, but they had never seen Morality this upset.

“Its just- if everyone around me acts like I’m some sort of werido about not wanting sex or experiencing the attraction, how will I handle it if it comes from my partner?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not why they think you’re a weirdo,” everyone turned to glare at Logic, who spoke, “but you wont have to put up with their pressuring you because you will dump their sorry a-” he cleared his throat- “butts. Anyways my point still stands. You don’t have to do anything you are not comfortable doing. And if they force you to do something you don’t like then dump them.” Morality sniffed.

“But-what if she’s the best option out there.”

“Oh honey-no! she’s the worst option out there for you! Trust me.” Thomas said.

Morality sniffed. “do you really think so?”

“We know so!” Prince said!

“Also, you’re allowed to have kids! Having sexual attraction and wanting kids are two completely different things! There are so many options for you and your partner if you want kids!” Thomas pointed out.

“If you want to break up with her you well be here for you.” Anxiety and he leaned in to hug him, the rest of the group joining in.

Morality nodded and sobbed clenching Anxiety’s jacket, but this time it was from relief. He was still scared, but at least he knew his friends were there.

_ Morality was nervous, he had texted her last night letting her know that he wasn’t going to be back until the following morning (since the others had insisted on a sleepover, but he knew it was just so they could watch him,) and she sent multiple texts telling him that he was in big trouble. Thomas saw them and refused to let him go alone.

“I don’t care that it will scare her, she’s not going to be as scared as you are!” Anxiety pointed at Morality who was shivering.

“I’m fine” he lied.

“Morality-its okay to be scared I’m scared of people too.” Prince said gently squeezing Morality’s hand. Morality took a breath. He knew he had to do this. He hated that it was true, but he needed to take care of himself.

“We’re here.” Thomas said, looking back at Morality, as if asking if he was ready. Morality nodded as the others got out of the car, Logic, Anxiety and Thomas all holding a cardboard box, although Morality had insisted he only needed one. Prince had insisted on bringing his sword but it made Morality upset. He kept telling him that she would call the cops if she felt threatened. Logan agreed, but only because he could tell that Morality was upset enough.

In the end Prince didn’t bring his sword but he secretly brought a pepper spray, which would burn her eyes and distract her. Just in case they needed it. He was upset that he didn’t have his sword but he was happy to do it to make Morality more comfortable. Besides if anything Prince had hand fighting skills and knew how to defeat any magical creature (and a human who knew very little fighting skills would be easier.) It would probably help that the others were there to. Morality was shaking when he got to the door, feeling an empty pit in his stomach. This was it. it was time. He was petrified but it was time. He could feel Logic grab his hands. Morality closed his eyes, grateful for Logic’s comforting hand. He took a breath, opened his eyes and knocked on the door. It didn’t take long until she opened the door, shouting.

“What were you doing?? You said you would be back by-” she froze noticing all the others behind him.

“What’s going on here?” she snapped, but a lot softer now.

“I want to break up.” Morality blurted. His eyes were again shut, but he was still holding Logics hand.

“Excuse me?” Morality opened his eyes, terrified. The others were prepared to pounce but stayed still.

“I-I’m sorry, b-but we aren’t a good fit.” Morality was scared and took a step back, cowering. Anxiety took a small step forward ready to block off anything Brianna would do.

“But-but who would love you like I do!” Brianna protested.

“Definitely not you since you never loved him” Anxiety snapped. Morality closed his eyes.

“Give me one explanation of why we should break up.” She asked regaining her composure.

“You’re an abusive piece of-”

Thomas grabbed anxiety to let him know to back off. Thomas was mad, but he knew this would not help Morality. She scoffed.

“I’m a girl I can’t be abusive!”

“I’ve fought more women then men or nonbinary creatures and humans alike, I’m not afraid to hit women if they deserve it. Especially if they attack my friends” Prince threatened.

“Besides, just wanting to Break up because your not a good fit, is a good enough reason to break up.” Logic said coldly.

Brianna stood quietly, looking like she would cry. Morality wanted to do something-anything to make her feel better, but he stood there, glad to have his friends there. She wouldn’t do anything in front of them. He felt guilty for manipulating her, but was so relieved that he wouldn’t be attacked.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Logic said, holding his hands tighter.

“Now can we pick up Morality’s things now or should we come back another time?” Anxiety spat. “Morality can come pick up his things, but its just him.” Briana said.

“No, it wont be just him.” Thomas snapped. Brianna was pale and looked frightened.

“How you feel right now, is nothing compared to how you made Morality feel.” Logan pulled Morality towards them, “so have us come back when you’re not around with some of us. or right now-with all of us.”

Brianna moved to the side, still pale but not shaking like Morality was.

itsokayitsolkayitsokayitsokayitsokay. Morality told himself as she nodded, let himself in with Logic following right behind him with a box in his left hand. Morality had tears streaming down his face but he was not sobbing. He went to the bathroom and grabbed the clothes he had stashed previously and threw it in the box. He thought Logic would at least try to fold them but, Logic knew it would just take longer so he grabbed whatever he thought was Morality’s.

Meanwhile, Prince stood in the kitchen facing Briana, he occasionally moved around to grab a cup and to fill it up, but he never left his eyes off her. Brianna was sitting and fumbling with her fingers, looking a little calmer but obviously still nervous. Good she deserved to be nervous. She kept glancing at him as he glared at her. After a few minutes of this he spoke up

“This is nothing compared to how Morality feels. I’d swear at you, but Morality is here and he’s uncomfortable with swears so I’m not going to do that to him.” Prince said coldly taking a drink from one of the mugs he found at the nearest cupboard. (Yes, he was grabbing multiple cups and making it dirty so she’d have to clean it later.) The girl was obviously angry.

“He-he lead me on-“ “Don’t you dare say that.” He snapped.

“But- but boys always pretend they don’t want it, they just secretly do. Sometimes they don’t even realize that they want it. that’s all I was trying to do.”

“Shut up Ursula. I know what you’re doing, and its not going to work on me.”

Brianna was confused.

“Wha-?”

“You can go step on a lego.” Prince said, taking a sip from another mug. He could see Logic coming out of the bathroom and nodding his head. Price was suspired that it was all Morality had, but he moved towards Brianna. She jumped back but Prince ignored her and just stood in front her, his back facing her. He didn’t want Morality to have to see her any more than he already did.

He didn’t even want Morality here until later in the day at the latest, but Morality needed to talk to Brianna. Morality walked, looking past Prince and headed to the door. Once he was out Prince turned to Brianna. “You come near him again and you will have me to answer to.” Roman growled. Brianna leaned back and gulped.

“Princy we got all his stuff.” Anxiety called out. Ah that’s where the rest of Moralitys stuff was, with Anxiety. Prince faced the scared Brianna and glared at her once more before turning around and following Anxiety out.

“You okay?” Prince said as he got closer to Morality. Morality just nodded but he was staring curiously at Anxiety. He was sure that he got everything that was his. He kept it all in the bathroom so that he could have a secure place for it.

Anxiety shifted the box to get a better hold on it, smirking at what he just did.

“I already got all my stuff with that one box, what’s all this?” Morality asked.

“Just a couple of her necessities, like toilet paper, paper towels, band aids, condoms. the usual crap she can buy on her own.”

Anxiety could see that Prince and Thomas were smirking, while Logic facepalmed and sighed. Everybody thought Morality would scowl at Anxiety, but instead tears formed in his eyes. Anxiety looked shocked and dropped the bag.

“I-I can return it if you want Morality-I’m sorry, but she deserves all that and more and she hurt my friend so-”

“No I’m just-” Morality bursted out laughing, which confused the other sides.

“I just- I’m sorry, but y-you did all that for me, and y-you took her picture frames?” Morality laughed, pointing to the frames at the top of the open box. Anxiety smiled sheepishly.

“Just the ones with the dollar store sticker.” He admitted. Morality was laughing, while the others sighed with relief.

“Come on giggles, lets go home.” Thomas said putting his arms around the giggling personality. Morality nodded his head and went into the car. Anxiety took the box, smiling. He was glad he could make him laugh a bit today. He deserved it. They all hoped in the car, Logic driving, Prince in the front, with Thomas, Morality and Anxiety in the back like before.

“How are you doing buddy?” Prince asked after Morality calmed down from his giggle fit.

“A bit better. Thanks guys.” Morality was still relaxed, but he looked like he was starting to be sad again.

“Oh Morality.” Thomas said putting his arm around Morality, and kissing his forehead, “you are loved.” Morality let out a soft sob, as Anxiety put his hand gently on Morality’s arm- his way of letting Morality know it was okay to hold hands or snuggle closer if he wanted. Morality grabbed his hands and put this head on Anxiety’s shoulder. Maybe he won’t find someone to love, but at least he had his family. ___

IM SORRY Y’ALL IM NOT GREAT AT ENDINGS OR ANGST WITH HAPPY ENDINGS. IM NEW TO THIS,

#you are loved #fic #sorry not sorry #angst #abuse #asexual #my fic #cay

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

Text

hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

personality & facts.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

wanted plots.

#( gabriel de leon. ) about. / imaginary enemy.#irvingintro #violence tw

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