#okay this is long but it's like 80% her original intro

[pbandjesse]

Today was a long day. But I had fun. And thankfully I didn't feel sick. I am tired but I'm doing a lot better then yesterday.

I slept okay. I changed blankets and I think that helped. But there was a lot of noise outside again. The recycling truck came at like 6am?? And it felt like it was just parked out front of our house and it was so loud. Not amazing.

But I did fall back asleep. And was able to sleep until 7.

When I woke up James was sitting at our desk and they came over and gave me a hug and it was so nice. We talked about how weird it was that the trash truck came so early. And then I went to get ready.

I wore my short overalls today because I didn't realize how chilly it was going to be this morning. But I did wear knee socks and a sweatshirt (I changed into a fleece when I got to camp) and was pretty comfortable overall.

Other drivers stressed me out hardcore. After I left the house, giving James a kiss goodbye, I got in the car and took my time getting ready to go.

It's always tough turning out of our street. I waited my turn and I was up next and the person behind me pulled around me!!!! It was so dangerous and so incredibly entitled. And worse we would end up next to each other at every single light for the next few miles. And I was so fucking mad but also trying to not look at them because I was just so angry. I just wanted to get to the highway and be away from them because I was shaking I was so mad and also didn't want to feel like that!! I hate feeling so deregulated that early in the day.

The rest of the drive was fine. And I got to camp and went right to art to collect my materials. And decided to drive them over to the trading post where I would be leading the program. And eventually went to the office to have breakfast and chill.

Everyone was supposed to come through at 930. I took a walk over to the lodge to move the table carts since it is probably not the best idea to move the big tables myself. It's hard to balance what I should and shouldnt do these days. But it felt like it wouldn't be a good idea.

While I was over there I noticed that the stove top looked like it was on? But it was actually the pilot lights being very very tall? So I called Heather for her opinion and she told me to check with Joe. Who eventually would tell me they got taller after it was serviced this summer but it seems wrong to me. But he knows better then I would so I left that and walked back to the office to sit with Heather.

Her birthday was yesterday and she said she had a really nice weekend celebrating. We talked about my job plans for the next year. Being available only as needed and not every day. Picking up different job shifts at the museum and other things I may focus on. She made me feel very supported.

And when we saw Gabe from indigo's car I would go over to the lodge to meet him.

I was frustrated that the other puhtok staff were still not there. They were supposed to be in at 930. They would actually roll up after 10. After me and Gabe had already finished setting up the 10 tables and 80 chairs. I was not happy with them at all. But I tried to be chill and told them what they would need to do. I tried to take charge because no one else was going to. Elizabeth is sick and Sarah is stuck in Tampa. Hopefully she's made it out by now, as she left at 2am. But with the traffic jams because of the storm I am pretty worried about her.

The day would go really well though. The kindergartners were so lovely. And I had a lot of fun hanging out with them.

We started in the amphitheater with their normal intro, warming up bodies and giving rules about being in charge of your body and not touching anyone else's. We were originally going to break into 5 groups but the teachers asked to do 3 so they could stay with their classes. Fair but man those are big groups. But it would go early because fine. I just had to talk really loud.

I took the biggest group. With 25 kids and 6 adults. And I think we had a lot of fun. We talked about mushrooms. We identified ferns and spice berries. We pet carpet moss and turkey tail mushrooms. We talked about how we identify dead trees and what termite damage looks like. And it was just really fun. I don't think it was my best hike every, mainly because I don't think the end of the line could always hear me. But I did my best and I had a lot of fun.

When we got to the Glen Gabe took over to lead a scavenger hunt. Half the group had to use the bathroom though so I would take them back up the hill to go to the latrines. And when we were done there we would walk back down to meet the group and then walked to lunch. And I tried to stop where we could to point things out. And then took them to the field. Where I decided to pass off leading the group to Gabe so I didn't have to backtrack to the office and have my lunch. He was chill about it. And I said I would see them after.

My lunch was okay. Could have used a sauce but was fine. I ate and watched some TikToks and sat on the porch. It was warm enough that I could leave my fleece. And would head to the trading post to do my project.

And it was really fun. I made some examples. A girl in a dress, a turtle, a kitty, some butterflies. And the kids were really into it! Not all of them understood exactly and we're mainly just flying down leaves. But overall it was a really positive experience and they looked like they had fun.

We would run out of glue right before 2. Which was perfect and let me clean up and head out. I needed to get out of there by 215 so that I could go home and change and charge my phone before going to the museum. I let Adam from indigo know. And would text Tony. I figured I set up everything, the others could put the tables and chairs away.

But apparently not? I heard back from Tony that he had to leave for his other job too. Okay. So I texted Nick. He was the one driving Tony. So I gave up. I let Elizabeth and Heather know I wasn't sure if things were cleaned up and apologized for that.

But I couldn't stay.

I would get home before 3. Which just gave me enough time to change and charge my phone. I took ten minutes to sit down and fixed my makeup. I felt kind of uncomfortable but I figured I just needed to eat.

My plan was to go to Jimmy John's before the museum. And Im so glad I did. It was exactly what I wanted. I got stuck in a little traffic but I got to the shopping center with plenty of time to eat there. I listened to a podcast and enjoyed my sandwich and felt a lot better.

And I would have a pretty excellent evening. It really would have only been improved by more people coming back to the galleries.

When I got there I gave James lots of hugs and went to set up a chase for printing. I chatted with Meril and Jesse. And later I would get my very own key for the museum and I'm thrilled about that.

But not a lot of people came back to the galleries. Even though they set up a bar back there! So I would chat with the bar tender for a while. I would have about ten or so people come back who were awesome though.

I had like a 15 minute conversation with a couple who were fascinated by everything. By the machines. By the prints and blocks. Even by me. I would print off some of our image blocks special for them. And told them all about my background and how I ended up here. How I get to work with my husband sometimes. And it was just really great. And when no one was back there I just printed or sat on my stool and chilled. Meril would come check on me but mainly I was just hanging out.

I did have one surprising conversation. A man came in and said his wife used to do letter press but she stopped when she was pregnant because she couldn't touch the lead. What???! This was not something I had considered at all. Should I not be in this room?? Like I'm careful, I wash my hands after. I don't put things in my mouth. But I guess the whole room is technically contaminated. I texted James. And they also become concerned. So I would send a message to my OB office to see what they think.

At 7 I would clean up. And hung out talking to Meril about my hopes for my job over the next year. Very similar to my conversation with Heather. And Meril has such similar energy and makes me feel so listened to. I'm really glad we get to work in this department together, she's really great.

She would run over to their office to bring me my new front door key. She made a big show of giving it to me which was super sweet. And soon I was heading out. See you guys in a few days.

I got stuck in the parking lot because people were confused about where the road was. But it was okay. I got out of there. I almost forgot the groceries James bought and left in the fridge for me to bring home but I didn't forget. And I asked James to please have cream cheese wontons ready for me when I got home.

Traffic was bad again and other drivers were terrible. On our block again!! When someone passed around me when I was about to turn into the alley. They are so lucky I wasn't making a quick turn because that was insane and could have been so bad. I had to take a moment to collect myself.

But I parked and came inside and was super happy to see Sweetp and James. We hugged. Then we picked up Sweetp and hugged with him between us and he hated that. James showed me that the other set of curtains came and they would put those up. I'm very pleased about that.

I had my wontons. And came upstairs to sip water. I would eventually go back down to tell James my fears and thoughts about the hurricane. And how it brings up my fears about having to evacuate and what I might grab and take with us. How I want to get a travel container for Crabcake, like we have one for Sweetp. We should have a way to transport everyone in an emergency. It's important.

But now I'm back in bed. Finishing this post. I'm going to take a shower and get ready for bed. Tomorrow I am probably staying home. I told Heather to let me know if I'm needed because if not I have things I would like to work on here. Specifically I want to make more plushies. I haven't made new ones in months and my supplies are low. So wish me luck with that. I hope I have motivation tomorrow.

I also hope you all have a good evening. Sleep well and be safe. Goodnight!!

[possibly-in-wonderland]

I posted 935 times in 2022

That's 935 more posts than 2021!

450 posts created (48%)

485 posts reblogged (52%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gointothevvater

@possibly-in-wonderland

@twigg96

@neil-gaiman

@thatwritingho

I tagged 860 of my posts in 2022

Only 8% of my posts had no tags

#reblog - 417 posts

#original post - 335 posts

#metalocalypse - 22 posts

#lmao - 22 posts

#oof - 18 posts

#its such a wonderful life - 16 posts

#original reblog - 16 posts

#stranger things - 13 posts

#pickles the drummer - 10 posts

#metallica - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#this is like that episode of courage the cowardly dog where muriel gets turned into a child and she wants more cheese on her mac n cheese

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

*dantdm mod video intro plays*

top o' the mornin' to ya bros, my name is markiplier and welcome to my lovely world

10 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#4

me, wanting to cuddle and have a roommate in the future bc i don't like being alone:

my aroace ass who wants a house all to their self bc of growing up in a small single-wide trailer with eight people: ew no, wtf?

17 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

#3

Humans Are Space Orcs: Venom in Humans

alright, since my most famous post is about humans and tunnel vision i bring to you: humans and their poisonous bite.

if you get bit by another human it WILL get infected. its common knowledge and due to the number of bacteria in your mouth. in fact, scientists believe that humans are developing a VENOMOUS BITE (which is basically gender euphoria to me).

with that being said, imagine a human bite being absolutely lethal to aliens.

aliens whispering about their human crewmate, knowing just how deadly they truly are and being starstruck that the human crewmate hasn't gotten aggressive with anyone and bitten someone.

alternatively: a group of aliens adopting a human as a ship pet, treating it like a exotic and relatively dangerous pet. someone breaks into the ship, trying to kill the crew. but they didn't take into account the ship has an extremely dangerous pet. only to get bit on the shoulder and soon die within the next 30 minutes.

imagine the crew not even knowing the human has a lethal bite.

80 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

#2

Humans Are Space Orcs: Tunnel Vision, Anger, Seeing Red, Loyalty

I was on Pinterest...bc that's something I do...when it occured to me. Humans are dangerous but loyal (said in almost every post especially the post comparing humans to pitbulls)

Imagine an alien crews reaction to their human witnessing another alien crewmate die by the hands of some other alien at a space dock or planet they landed on. The human is hunched over the body silently crying and anger is boiling.

They carefully place the crewmate's head down that was previously resting in their lap, they stand up, crack their neck, and turn towards the other crewmates.

And what they see terrifies them.

Non of them had ever seen an angry human. Especially one with a face that red.

The human pushes past them and up to the alien that killed their crewmate and goes apeshit.

There's screaming.

There's blood.

There's broken bones.

The alien that killed their crewmate is long dead but the human is still beating the shit out of them and the aliens know that enough is enough but should they step in?

Eventually, the human tires and shakily stands up before hauling themselves back over to the body of the crewmate and picking them up bridal style so they can be properly buried (in whatever way was sacred to them).

The crew watches the human board the ship holding the corpse and silently they follow.

Later when asked if okay, the human responds, "I saw red." They explain what that (and tunnel vision) is.

The aliens are absolutely terrified but understand why the human did what they did and understand they would have done it for any of them.

453 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

this blog is pro johnny depp

this blog is anti amber heard

3,189 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[joftw]

⌠ LANA CONDOR, TWENTY-TWO, SHE/HER, CIS FEMALE ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, JOSEPHINE “JO” TRAN! according to their records, they’re a FOURTH year, specializing in RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT + “MACGUYVER” SURVIVAL SKILLS & NAVIGATION; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (black hair flicking off her shoulders, a sardonic smile, and a slightly clenched jaw). when it’s the (virgo)’s birthday on 9/02/1998, they always request their BEEF PHO from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

NAME: Josephine Pearl Tran

KNOWN AS: Jo

BIRTHDATE:  September 2, 1998

ASTROLOGY:  Virgo sun / Capricorn moon / Scorpio rising

HOMETOWN: New York, NY

RESIDENCE: Roseville, VA  ( Gallagher Academy )

GENDER:  Cis female  ( she/her )

SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  Refuses to label, but she prefers women

HEIGHT:  5'3"

HAIR COLOR:  Black

EYE COLOR:  Dark brown

TATTOOS:  Rose on her inner arm

KNOWN LANGUAGES:  English, German, French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian, Vietnamese & learning Tagalog

IMMEDIATE FAMILY:

Steven Tran:  Father, former spy, current night security guard

Kelly Do  ( formally Tran ) :  Mother, dental hygienist, estranged  

Victor Tran:  Older brother, Blackthorne alum, estranged

BACKGROUND.

Jo had grown up with a seemingly normal childhood, very much middle class. Her father -- her hero -- was a spy, while her mother was merely a dentist hygienist. Her older brother Victor was the first of the two siblings to develop an interest in the espionage career path. He was the one who found the best spy prep school to attend – and two years later, it only made sense for Jo to be in the same school as her brother.

Jo had never been incredibly girly, spending most of her childhood tagging behind her brother’s friends and picking fights with them. When alone, she spent her time building things, using old tech and parts of anything she could get her hands on to make something completely new. At eleven years old, she had single-handedly made a go-kart for one of her brother's friends, earning him a win in a drag race. Her father had always told her how easy she could make a career out of it one day, but Jo had only seen it as a hobby, something she does for fun.

Everything changed in middle school when Jo met Rose Park, who would become her best friend. Rose was from a legacy spy family, and she was everything Jo wasn’t: girly, cool, confident, gorgeous.  The change in Jo was slow: ditching her brother  ( who was now too old and cool to hang out with her anyway ) ,  actually caring about the clothes she wore, and developing an interest in boys and popularity -- if only just for Rose.  By the time prep school came around, the go-kart building, tomboy was gone altogether, replaced with a “popular” girl who pretended she had the riches her friends did, and was welcomed in only because of her ties to Rose. And despite living a facade, Jo was happy.  

It took a few years into their friendship for Jo to realize that she was in love with the other girl, but she'd never get a chance to tell her.

The Tran and Park families grew close with the bond of the girls. So when enemies of the Park began threatening the lives of their daughters, Jo's father offered to help in any way he could. He became one of the spies assigned as Rose's bodyguard.  The threat began the beginning of Jo's senior year ;   a few weeks into it, she had come down with a serious case of pneumonia. Her father had been on Rose duty that night had to leave his station a few minutes early to take Jo to the hospital. He had informed the next guard he had to leave a little sooner than usual -- mere minutes -- but when the next guard arrived at Rose's room, it had already been too late.

Rose's death changed Jo's entire world, starting with her family.  Jo's father had not only lost his job, but became an enemy of the Park family, blacklisting from the rest of the spy world. As a result of this, Jo’s mother left her husband, and Jo's brother Victor made less and less contact with their father, until he stopped calling all together.  Jo chose to stick by her father’s side throughout all of this, but carried the blame for Rose's death heavily on her shoulder for several years. It didn't help that all of her old friends also blamed Jo for Rose's death, and she was quickly outcast among them. Senior year could not have ended fast enough.

After graduating high school, Jo took a year off to get a job and help her father out financially. She had been accepted to Gallagher Academy not long after Rose's death, but Jo couldn't imagine leaving her father's side during such a hard time, nor did she feel like she deserved to go to such a prestigious school. Her dad had convinced her to defer her acceptance for a year. She didn't actually expect things to get better enough for her father to leave him after a year, but he had gotten a job as a security guard in a residential building and refused to let her stay home any longer. So she looked at Gallagher Academy as a fresh start for her and her father, building herself a career that would make them both proud.

GALLAGHER ACADEMY.

Despite the fresh start Gallagher provided, going back to school hadn't been a complete walk in the park for Jo, mostly because many ghosts from her past were also at the school. It certainly didn't help that Rose's older sister, Jude Park, enrolled the same year as her, and made it her mission to make Jo miserable.  But after her senior year of high school, nothing would break her spirit or her pride.  Jo was able to make friends in her classes -- even ones who she'd eventually call her best friends, a title she never thought she'd give to someone else -- and despite the initial struggle her first semester, she worked twice as hard to ace her classes.  Jo made a new reputation for herself at Gallagher Academy, and while it may not always be the most positive one, it didn't involve her father or a dead girl.

Jo didn't love the addition of male students to Gallagher her third year, believing that they were a distraction and most of them didn't take the school seriously enough.  ( Honestly, except for a few exceptions, she still thinks that. )  But with her third year came some exciting moments as well.  She had been chosen for her first off-campus mission with three other students -- one old friend, one new friend, one enemy -- that involved a protest led by Georgetown students at what was once Blackthorne Institute. What was supposed to be a one-day event was turned upside down when bombs went off at the site, killing a few people and leaving Jo with a broken arm. The rest of the Georgetown protestors were brought into witness protection and to Gallagher Academy, believing it to be nothing more than a rich kid's school. And Jo, who had been undercover at the time as a fellow Georgetown student, had to continue her spring semester pretending to be one of them.

Though a major headache for her, Jo found herself growing attached to the Georgetown students.  The continued mission throughout the semester was not easy, especially when she had been one of two third years to be assigned to secretly bodyguard the witsec students, after the campus was deemed potentially dangerous  ( two dead bodies would do that ) .   It had been tough once they learned the truth about Gallagher and how Jo had been deceiving them, but most were fairly quick to forgive, given the circumstances.  But her defenses weren't lowered until the threat of the Brotherhood had been eliminated and the witsec students were able to go back home for good. Somehow through all of this, Jo still managed to ace all her classes. 

Her third year also brought some resolution for her and the Park family.  She was able to slowly rebuild a friendship with an ex-friend of hers, and even Jude Park and her managed to find some common ground, wordlessly calling a truce. The arrival of Rose's ex-boyfriend also brought back a lot of memories of her own feelings for Rose, and after spending years allowing herself nothing more than clandestine hookups with girls and refusing to acknowledge that side of her, she came out to her two best friends. Her sexuality is still something she's trying to navigate, especially how her traditional father who means everything to her would react to it, but with Jo's fourth year ahead of her, she has more important things to worry about.

PERSONALITY.

Jo’s incredibly ambitious, always striving for the best and not allowing herself any less. Though her parents had always been strict with grades and fulfilling her potential, her worst critic has always been herself, even at a young age. Jo knows her worth and knows when she's not reaching it, and will do anything to make sure she gets there -- even if it means ruining her sleep schedule or social life in the process. Right now her goal is to graduate from Gallagher and get herself the best possible job she can, so she can support her father and start a new chapter in her life. Though she loves being at Gallagher, Jo's very self-aware that it's only four years of her life, and nothing gold can stay.

She’s a little rough around the edges socially, a thick layer of sarcasm and disinterest surrounding herself that makes it hard to connect with people. This, of course, is intentional, because after the way her friends turned on her in high school, she doesn't have time for fake friends.  Jo's a very private person, even with those closest to her. 

Despite always putting herself first, she loves helping out when she can with other people's studies or career paths, so long as they show her that they actually care about what they're doing.  There's nothing Jo hates more than laziness, and students who aren't at Gallagher for the right reasons. 

MORE INFORMATION / HEADCANONS:

Her career ambitions have always been to pretty much become Shuri from Black Panther, though the witsec mission and staying undercover during her second semester of her third year does have her wondering if she should look into field agent careers as well.

Her only relationship was with some boy her junior year of high school. He was the best friend of Rose's boyfriend, seemed nice enough, and it was easy to get swept up in the excitement of her first relationship, though that giddy feeling didn't last. She only stayed together with him so long because of convenience, and he ended up dumping her once Rose died.

She had kissed Rose once, a few days before her death, though the two had never completely acknowledged it.  The unknown reasoning behind it still kills Jo to this day.

Jo is a very healthy eater, thanks to it being drilled in her head by her mom as a kid.  Her go to treat on cheat days is ice cream, which her favorite flavor is coffee, though she prefers vanilla to chocolate. 

Her mother had sent her a card for her first birthday after leaving the family, which Jo had never opened and thrown it right into the trash.  She told her father that if she were to write to her again, to not let her know. Jo hasn't heard from her brother Victor since he texted her to offer her good luck on her first day at Gallagher.  It's not hearing from him that stings the most, especially now that he's a Blackthorne graduate and could be dead for all she knows.

Though her father’s always been her favorite, they hadn’t been very close until all they had was each other. He’s the one person Jo would put above herself, which says a lot. 

She's left handed.

TL;DR:  Jo is a techie wiz who takes everything seriously and struggles with being the best because of a broken family and ex-spy father who she wants to restore her family name for, after he indirectly killed her best friend that Jo was in love with back in high school. She’s pretty grumpy but means well!

CURRENT & WANTED CONNECTIONS HERE

[sortasirius]

What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me.  Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based.  In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place.  Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!”  Bruh.  The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode.  You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season).  Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here.  Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone.  He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else.  That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit.  This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this.  That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS.  AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all.  Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this?  I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20?  AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT?  WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half?  Nothing really happened?  Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around.  It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it.  The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery.  Truly, that is the only thing.  It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper​ got a week or so before the finale.  She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right?  It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc.  The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.”  Uh.  Where are they?  And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So.  Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

????????  That’s the end if it?  They don’t need to be discussed after this???  It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too?  Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay?  Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else.  They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else.  Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here.  What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right.  Weird as fuck.  Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas?  My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene.  Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back.  Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it.  Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad.  It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway.  He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here).  Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying.  My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair​ spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven.  The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago.  We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread).  The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here.  Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here.  Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions.  Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was.  None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why?  Why lie to all of us when we have questions?  Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense.  Simply?  Warner Brothers is absolutely massive.  These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs.  They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha.  It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him.  He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids.  It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then. 

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram.  It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other. 

My theory?  They didn’t know.  They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all?  Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so.  I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God.  I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read.  He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that?  Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys.  Why would he get involved?  He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is.  He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam.  I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to.  So what changed?  What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious?  CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South.  It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And?  They don’t care.  They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects​ wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here).  They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line.  And you know what?  To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what?  They warned us.  I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network.  I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want?  Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy.   In fact, to the people trashing them?  You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb.  Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them.  The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this,  Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

[putschki1969]

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Review

Note: I FINALLY got my package. Now that I watched the full live in HD, I thought I would share m thoughts and a little present below the cut ^_^ As always, I would like to encourage everyone to SUPPORT Wakana by BUYING her Blu-ray!!! Her sales numbers aren’t the greatest which is a huge shame since this is a solid release.

Overall thoughts: I got the Limited Edition of course since I couldn’t resist the pretty sleeve packaging, the bonus documentary (so insightful) and the photobook (scans coming up soon). It is quite pricey but totally worth the money, especially if you are among those fans who liked “Magic Moment” much more than Wakana’s debut album. The release comes with a gorgeous clearfile as tokuten so be sure to get it! Try going for the Regular Edition if you want to save money. As for the live itself, it was a pleasure to watch and I can see myself rewatching it a lot (skipping a few songs though :P). Wakana’s voice coaching lessons are definitely starting to pay off. She has so much stamina these days. Can you believe that this was her SECOND live performance of the day? Her vocals were solid, even during her high-demand power ballads. At rarely any point did she sound overly-screechy to my ears, there were certain sections that didn’t sound 100% smooth but those parts definitely didn’t take away from my  overall enjoyment. On a side note, this live was a feast for the eyes, Wakana looked absolutely beautiful in her white dress and I even liked her encore outfit even though it was a little “out there” XD During the more up-beat songs, her smile literally lit up the entire hall. Seeing her have so much fun on stage is healing. I feel like they may have gone a little overboard on the blurry filters from time to time but I guess that was on purpose. 

1.揺れる春: 6/10. This is obviously the perfect cute intro for a Spring Lives so I understand why Wakana put it here but I would have much preferred “breathing” as a grand entrance. Still so sad that this is the only song from the “magic moment” album that didn’t make it onto the setlist of this live. I know, we already got an official audio recording but I would have loved some video footage to accompany it :P Anyways, back to Yureru Haru. I haven’t really warmed up to the song yet. It’s not bad and I honestly love the verses since they are super precious and feel kinda nostalgic but the chorus doesn’t stand out imo. Also, her singing style during parts of the chorus isn’t my favourite and not overly flattering. 2.where: 4/10. Oh no!! I was hoping Wakana would be singing the “ohhhohhhs”. She could have easily done it during the start and middle part of the song since it wasn’t overlapping with her other vocals. This seems so rushed? Is it just me? I haven’t listened to the studio version in a while but I know that I quite enjoyed that and it definitely didn’t make me feel as fidgety as this. Don’t know what it is exactly but it keeps me from getting into the song. I guess this is the biggest disappointment for me because I wanted to like it. 3.君だけのステージ: 4/10. I will admit it, this is not my favourite song. It’s just way too long :P But it is a very good and energetic performance, really no complaints when it comes to Wakana. But experiencing it live at the venue would have made it so much better for me. Oh well, nothing that can be done about it. The scat part at the end was a pleasant surprise. Would have loved to hear more of that. 4.442: 100/10. Honestly a masterpiece. One of Wakana’s best solo songs up-to-date and so very perfect to show off her vocals. Hearing it live like this with a band arrangement is a revelation. I love the wailing in the beginning and all the strength she conveys throughout the rest of the song. 5.ひらり ひらり: 3/10. Another song I haven’t warmed up to yet. No real thoughts. It’s one of those songs that’s just very forgettable, not bad per se but there is just nothing at all that attracts me to it. :-( As you can tell, I wasn’t entirely happy with some of the setlist choices. Wakana obviously wanted to include all the album songs but some of them are just not my cup of tea T_T 6.夕焼け: 6/10. This is one of the pieces that gets better every time I listen to it. And the latter half of the song is generally much nicer. I am always surprised by how much I actually like it when it’s over :P 7.アキノサクラ Acoustic ver.: 7/10. I am distracted by that harmonica sound-alike thingy Satoshi Takebe is playing XD Still, I have come to really like this song last winter so it is always appreciated, especially the acoustic version. Wakana is struggling a bit during the ending but nothing too bad. 8.myself: 100/10. Utter perfection. So much better than the studio version. And I am not saying this because I disliked the studio version, quite the contrary actually, I LOVED it but these two versions are honestly miles apart. Wakana’s live performance feels so much more raw and emotional. And her vocals in this are pretty much flawless, I can’t even begin to describe how this song makes me feel. A perfect ballad for Wakana. 9.メロディー (Cover): 8/10. My first reaction was boring. But by the third listen I was totally smitten and now it’s among my faves from this live. Be sure to give it a few tries, it really grows on you. I can tell why Takebe would choose this for Wakana. 10.元気を出して (Cover): 8/10. Ahhhhh, so freaking cute and old-school. Nothing beats a nostalgic, fluffy pop song from the 80s. I am here for this content. The “lalalas” at the end are LOVE. 11.オレンジ: 6/10. I like the song but I have to be in the mood for it. And here we have that fake harmonica thingy again. I enjoy the sound of a harmonica about as much as the sound of an accordion (which means not at all :P) but it fits the vibe of the song so I am okay with it. The bridge is usually my favourite part but Wakana’s delivery wasn’t as smooth as I would have liked. It was nice to have this right after “Genki wo Dashite” because both are encouraging pick-me-ups. 12.恋はいつも: 10/10. One day I wanna hear her sing the “baby, baby” part!! Please! Another absolutely highlight, you all know that I ADORE  this song, I could listen to this FOREVER. It’s such a shame the corona guidelines do not allow the audience to sing along because the ending is so much more powerful if everyone is actually singing instead of just clapping. 13.Happy Hello Day: 8/10. Such a feel-good piece. Initially I didn’t like it much but seeing it performed with an audience during her Music Party and now here, has really made me fall in love with it. I have mentioned it before in my initial reaction to the YouTube leak but I wish she would have sung some lalalas at the end just as she did during her Music Party. 14.magic moment: 9/10. I KNEW I would love this song more once I got to hear it live. I still feel like the composition is a bit choppy and thus not as flowy as I would have liked from a power ballad like this but OMG, Wakana’s live performance is EVERYTHING. Blown away by her powerful vocals, she OWNS this song 15.時を越える夜に: 10/10. Two power ballads back to back. What more could I ask for? I know not many people liked Wakana’s solo debut but I personally always thought it was perfect for her. I consider this to be one of her best songs. Say what you will about Takebe but he certainly knows how to make Wakana shine, at least in my opinion. And the song has only gotten better with every live performance. Although I think I preferred the version from her Voice Tour. So very glad we got at least one track from Wakana’s first album. The original setlist actually included Kinmokusei and Kioku no Hito which are two of my faves (they were later exchanged with the two covers). 16.春を待つ (Kalafina Cover): 8/10. Despite this being one of Keiko’s favourite Kala-songs I never could bring myself to really appreciate it. It’s just an okay song for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it quite a bit but I don’t go out of my way to listen to it. However, I very much loved Wakana’s cover though, she does a good job singing everyone’s lines and since the original doesn’t have any harmonies her solo performance doesn’t feel too lacking. 17.あとひとつ: 10/10. Always a treat. Can’t believe this STILL hasn’t gotten an official release :P  But I understand Wakana’s reasoning, she wants to keep this song a unique live experience and it really is. I can’t help but tear up whenever she is singing this.

Documentary: I haven’t watched all of it yet but OMG, this is so cool. The first 20 minutes are dedicated to rehearsals. I love seeing Wakana like this, just being her cute dorky self. But poor baby, it was hard seeing her this exhausted after the big studio rehearsal (that’s what the gif is from - being her overdramatic self, she literally dropped dead to the floor). The second half of the documentary is Wakana talking about the production of the live and the different songs of the setlist. 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Google Drive (3,11 GB) 🎁

Documentary of Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Google Drive (1 GB) 🎁

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 MP3s Google Drive 🎁

FOR ❗PERSONAL❗ USE ONLY DO ❗NOT SHARE ON OTHER SITES WITHOUT PERMISSION❗  

[the-writer-muse]

Rating First Lines of my WIPs Part 2

Intro

Hey, it’s Calliope, and she’s back with yet another low-effort post! I’m making a part 2 to my first post because I recently found some very old writings of mine from when I was just beginning to write, and I want to give them the attention they deserve! There were also a few lines that I really wanted to include in the last post but couldn't fit, so I'm adding them in here. Plus, this has now apparently become a trend, so I'm legally obligated to make a part 2 /j

One sunny day, there was a horse fair in Sunnydale.

4/10

As an opener, this line is drier than a desert

The title of this story is Unicorn Academy: Through the Magic Portal. It was a ripoff mashup of Harry Potter and Black Beauty, and was borne during my unfortunate horse girl phase. Basically, it was about two girls who buy horses that are secretly unicorns, and are magically transported to a unicorn school

Remember how I’ve always said that my first story was a Seekers fanfiction? Well, as it turns out, I was wrong, because this is the first story in my first writing notebook. I even drew a cover for it because when I was a kid, I fancied myself a writer and an artist. (Since then, I’ve discovered that I’m definitely one and not the other.)

Once, giraffes had short necks and were in the horse family.

5/10

...what

I’m intrigued, but in a I-want-to-read-this-just-to-see-how-laughable-it-is kind of way

The title of this story is called How the Giraffe Got Its LONG Neck. But the story itself still makes no sense, even with context

Yeah, I know, I wrote a lot about animals when I was young okay-

Once, there was an old fisherman whose wife died and before she died, she gave birth to two sons, Damon and Jason.

7/10

I’m definitely intrigued, but the sentence should be cut down a little more

This one is named The Magical Boat: A Fable. As a concept, it’s not too bad. In practice...you get quotes like this one: “While the fisherman was at the market, he saw a boat. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to buy it, so he bought it.” (Yes, this is a real quote.)

This line is giving major Chronicles of Narnia vibes and I like it

“Kelly was dreaming. A robed woman knelt down by an altar.”

8/10

I actually quite like this line! This story was a sequel to another story called Secret Realm, where (shocker) the characters found a secret realm. Unfortunately, I lost the Google Doc where I wrote the original story, so I have no idea where this one was supposed to pick up.

I like this image a lot, it gives me fancy fantasy prologue vibes

Subtract the “dream beginning” and I would like it more

“The only joy I ever got out of my early life was visiting the church next to the shabby orphanage I lived in.”

7.5/10

I wrote this story around 6th-7th grade and I remember being really proud of it. I even posted it online. It’s probably lying in some forgotten corner of the Internet at this point-

Religion doesn’t play any role in this story, the only reason a church is mentioned is because it was the home of a piano that the main character loved. Music was the main character’s only joy in life, etc. etc.

Giving Jane Eyre vibes, I kind of like it!

“Because my mother raised me to be the next queen, I know when and what fork to use at dinner. Because she didn’t raise a fool, I know what artery to stick it in so you’ll bleed to death.”

8/10

I’m like 80% sure I got this from a writing prompt on the Internet, but I can’t find it anywhere? So for the purposes of this post, I’m going to assume I wrote it

This sounds like belongs to a YA fantasy with a not-like-other-girls assassin-queen MC who’s leading a revolt to claim her crown, yet can’t decide which guy to pick in a love triangle

It's super dramatic and I kind of love it anyway, so I’m going to give it extra points!

“The entire town had turned out to watch the emperor’s killer die.“

8.5/10

*bangs head against wall* why didn’t I continue this wip it sounds SO COOL

This line's not a 9 because I don’t think it’s *quite* there?

I definitely want to return to this one someday! I shelved it to make room for other projects but I hope to get back to it!

[dancingintheafterglow13]

I Know Places full analysis

Okay everyone, here it is... my long awaited analysis on I Know Places (illicit affairs coming soon but I promised one at least today so I’m keeping that promise; everyone has been waiting long enough).

I’ll mostly focus on the song itself, and the visuals that go with it, but I’ll probably also touch on who it may be about (Dianna Agron) as well.

This is a VERY long analysis so it’s all under the cut.

(I want to mention before I start, that Genius has a citation that says that it could be about a “rumored same-sex relationship”. It mentions Karlie but this is a Dianna song so I don’t think the timing of this song’s release makes sense as a Karlie song but I thought I’d mention that because I’d never seen that before)

The song starts and ends with a click. I have seen quite a few interpretations of that click: cassette, record, and recorder. I’ve always thought that it was a record, and the last sound was the arm being lifted. I suppose it doesn’t really matter exactly what it is, because all three kind of relate to a similar idea: the ‘80s theme of the album and of Taylor and her lover being watched and constantly scrutinized (I’ll come back to this one later) by the media. That by itself isn’t specifically gay but this intro and closing kind of haunt me. It’s as if there are always people watching them and they can’t be together. This feels like all those historical queer movies I’ve seen where the women have to hide their relationship and people are watching (oh! and that scene in Carol where they were being recorded in their hotel room).

The instrumental of I Know Places is rather simplistic (I have the official karaoke version which helps to isolate the surrounding sounds). It starts and ends with that reverberated piano and then the piano drops at least an octave once the percussion comes in. This beat makes it feel like the central figures in the song are being chased, or at least moving fast and this is helped by the lower octave in the piano, as it adds a sense of unease to the song. The unease is carried forward by that haunting note at 0:25 that just sends a shiver down my spine. It happens again at 0:32 but lingers a bit longer, clashing just so with the piano that it gives the section more of an edge. Lyrically, at these sections, Taylor says “something happens when everybody finds out” and “love’s a fragile little flame it could burn out”. These haunting notes add to the fear that appears in these lyrics, of the relationship falling apart because people found out.

In the first Pre-Chorus, the percussion picks up, and adds in some claps and new beats that weren’t present before. Here, the song is really building up for the chorus and in this way it feels a bit chaotic here because this new drum pattern adds on to the piano and the “i, i, i, i” ’s that have returned from the beginning (and if I listen closely I think I can hear the haunting note return at 0:45 with “they are the hunters” which again, shows the fear).

The percussion stays the same from the Pre-Chorus to the Chorus but some of the other sounds change a little. The chords played by the piano are... happier almost than in the verse or the pre-chorus which really brings out the lyrics about knowing somewhere that the media can’t find them. The chorus also has more major chords than the verses. According to a website I found with the chords, the verses and pre-choruses have e minor, C major, a minor, b minor while the chorus has G major, D major, a minor, C major. This is easier to hear in a recording from the reputation stadium tour; with chords that were major in the chorus, before the melody stops just before the next verse. That pause adds another haunted vibe to the song because it asks if these places are really that safe (since, we know that Taylor’s relationship with Dianna ended in part because of the media [see the master post I’ve linked below]). It also is interesting to note that the chord changes pick up on “’Cause I know places we can hide” with G major, D major, a minor C major on the “I” and then again just to a minor on the “hide” (with the C major not coming until the first “places” in the next line). That again, matches the haunted vibe.

The second verse is very similar musically to the first but there’s an added bass line here, a plucked one. This grounds this verse more than the first one because there’s now a driving force that pulls the song forward and gives more dimension to the song. It also kind of adds an urgency to it and feels as if the people in the song are running, just as it says in the lyrics. This kind of mirroring is really cool because it deeply connects the lyrics to the music and makes the whole idea of the song much more powerful.

The second chorus is the same as the first but the bridge strips it back so it’s just the percussion and the bass line. The percussion has changed to just a bass drum hit, which again, pushes the song forward and again adds to the urgency, especially in the lyrics of the bridge “they are the hunters we are the foxes, and we run/just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it, my love”.

The urgency of the music through out the song pairs nicely with both the lyrics and looking at this song through a queer eye. Taylor, and her lover, are running from the media and it’s even more important that they aren’t caught because they aren’t straight. Taylor really wants this relationship to last, even if they have to constantly hide because she really loves this girl and wants to be with her.

It’s interesting to also take a look at the original lyrics that appear in the Voice Memo that Taylor released in the Deluxe edition of the album. The chorus is exactly the same but the first verse is a bit different (most of these are the same as what Genius says but I heard a few different words with headphones):

“... they’re waiting at the back door/they’re around and the vultures come around/and you know that...they want, they want us/say what they want about, say what they want about us/and you come and I sing and you listen?/I would not think about it but I’m not them/let them know a thing or two about it, a thing or two about it...”

Obviously these lyrics don’t make a lot of sense because they were just Taylor trying to send an idea out, but they're interesting to look at anyway. I think, especially the part where Taylor’s saying that the they (which is most likely the media) knows something but not the whole story. That's true especially about gaylor and all the women Taylor may or may not have dated.

Okay, now onto lyrics.

I’ve seen some analysis of the “I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I-I/I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I-I/I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I-I (I, I, I, I)” at the beginning as Taylor stuttering trying to answer interview questions about her love life but I also see it as paired with the click at the beginning and end, with the record or whatever recording device skipping (which lends itself back to the ‘80s theme).

“You stand with your hand on my waistline/it's a scene and we're out here in plain sight/I can hear them whisper as we pass by/it's a bad sign, bad sign”

If Taylor and her lover were seen in public together people would start talking and she’s afraid it would jeopardize their relationship.

“Something happens when everybody finds out/see the vultures circling, dark clouds”

I’ll touch on this later but making this song about Dianna, when a fake article was released that stated that they were dating, the two of them stopped hanging out in public. And, something else I’ll bring up, after going out to dinner, Dianna and Taylor were swarmed by paparazzi which is horrible to watch.

“Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out It could burn out”

Taylor’s scared that the whole world finding out will destroy her relationship with this woman (and with Dianna, it kind of did).

'Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes and guns/they are the hunters, we are the foxes and we run”

Boxes and cages really reminds me of the glass closeting Taylor started around the 1989 era. The “guns” definitely is the cameras that photographed every moment. Taylor and her lover have to continuously hide from the media in order to escape the scrutiny (this matches with Dianna too, because there pictures with them hugging and touching their other friends but never each other).

“Baby, I know places we won't be found/and they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down/'cause I, I know places we can hide/I know places, I know places”

Taylor’s saying she knows somewhere where she and her lover can be together that the paparazzi can’t find them (this reminds me of I Know A Place by MUNA which is a queer band).

“Lights flash and we'll run for the fences/let them say what they want, we won't hear it/loose lips sink ships all the damn time/not this time”

Again one time when Taylor and Dianna were photographed by the paparazzi they were simply exiting a restaurant and going to the car (the flash is so bright in that gif). They ignored every comment thrown at them that time and just kept going. I feel like the last two lines reference the fake article that came out about them, and the rumor that Dianna and Taylor were in a love triangle with Tim Tebow. But, because all were denied and Taylor and Dianna stopped seeing each other as much, it saved them from having to face more scrutiny.

“Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it, my love”

They both want to hang on for hope that they can be together one day.

“They take their shots, but we're bulletproof (I know places)/and you know for me, it's always you (I know places)/in the dead of night, your eyes so green (I know places)/and I know for you, it's always me (I know places)”

“Take their shots” reminds me of the cameras chasing them again and they’re bulletproof because they won’t give the media and truth to the stories that they’re spinning.

Dianna thinks of herself as having green eyes (here’s her bitmoji) and green eyes are referenced in Wonderland (which is a Dianna song, no doubt about it).

Wanting to return to a lover in the future (and always going back to someone) is a big theme in all of the Dianna songs in 1989, so it makes sense that it would be present here too.

Some important visuals surrounding I Know Places:

The closet doors from tour:

And the fake article released about Taylor and Dianna that effectively ended their public friendship:

I won’t go into detail about Dianna and Taylor’s relationship (you can read all about that on the Swiftgron Masterpost) but I wanted to go back to the idea about Taylor and her lover being constantly watched and scrutinized and how it is very reminiscent of Taylor and Dianna. There are only a couple of photos of them together that don’t come from the media but there’s one set of phots that really fits this idea. On May 15th, 2015, Taylor and Dianna went to dinner together, potentially with a couple of friends (based on photos). Here’s some screenshots from a gif of that night (the gif won’t upload but here’s a link to it [*flash warning*]).

First of all, this is horrifying. The amount of photographers there trying to take a picture of them for the tabloids (”they are the hunters we are the foxes”) and how bright it is. And, if you look carefully Taylor seems to be holding onto Dianna (”just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it”). If you watch this gif, you’ll see how this guy in the fourth screenshot just jumps on top of other photographers to get a photo of them. If the paparazzi were so brutal when she simply went out to dinner with friends (and a potential girlfriend) it’s no wonder that I Know Places exists.

Okay that’s my full analysis of I Know Places! Feel free to reblog with anything I may have missed and if you made it this far, thank you for reading :)

[keplercryptids]

nonfiction LGBTQ+ books i read this year

i read a lot this year, and a good chunk of it was LGBTQ+ nonfiction. so i thought it might be nice to list what i read. as a note, many of these books deal with LGBTQ history in the United States. too often, mainstream US-centric LGBTQ texts focus on white middle-class cisgender folks, though I’ve done my best to balance that as much as possible with other perspectives. (that being said, if you got ‘em, i would LOVE book recommendations that tackle worldwide/non-white LGBTQ issues!)

Accessibility notes: Given the nature of the genre, there’s a lot of intense discussion re: homophobia and transphobia. Basically every book listed covers those things to some extent, and I’ve specified where there’s additional potentially triggering content. (If you have specific questions about triggers, please let me know!) also, some of these books are on the academic side. I’ve done my best to note when a book was very academic or when I found it to be more readable. (full disclosure on that note: I’m a college grad and voracious reader without any reading-specific learning disabilities, so my opinion may be different than yours!) as a final note, I was able to access most of these as e-books/audiobooks through my local library. I live in a major metropolitan area, if that gives you any idea of how easy it’ll be for you to find these books. I’ve noted when a book was more difficult to get my hands on.

History

Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World 1890-1940 by George Chauncey. As the title suggests, this book focuses on gay male communities in NYC pre-World War 2. Even with that limited scope, this is an important read to better understand gay male history in the early 20th century. Gay communities thrived in the early 1900s and this snapshot of that is really wonderful. This is definitely more of an academic read, but I highly recommend it. while it definitely focuses on white middle-class gay men, there was more discussion of poor and/or gay men of color than i had actually expected, so that’s nice. (CW for rape and sexual assault, homophobic violence and medicalization of homosexuality.)

Queering the Color Line: Race and the Invention of Homosexuality in American Culture by Siobhan B. Somerville. Finally, a book about queer history that actually talks about black people! I was expecting more of a history book, whereas this was more of a critique of specific novels, plays and movies of the early 1900s and was way more focused than i was expecting. don’t get me wrong, I majored in English lit so i’m super into that kind of analysis as well, it just wasn’t as far-reaching as I would have liked. Also, it’s very academic. (Only the print version was available at my library.) (CW for racism, mentions of slavery.)

Transgender History by Susan Striker. This book describes itself as an “approachable introductory text” to transgender history in the US, which I agree with. It’s a pretty short read given the enormity of the topic, so it doesn’t go into much detail about specific groups or events, but imo it’s a good introduction. Especially interesting to me was the information about where and when TERF ideology began. Academic but on the easier-to-read side. (CW for transphobia, gross TERF rhetoric, brief mentions of the AIDS crisis, police violence.)

Gay Revolution by Lillian Faderman. okay so, I gave this 1 star. it’s probably a good book if you know absolutely nothing about US LGBTQ history and want an intro, but a review on goodreads said that it should be called Gay Assimilation instead and i completely agree. Faderman focuses on white middle-to-upper class gay and lesbian assimilationists, often at the expense of radical queer and trans people of color. The latter is hardly mentioned at all, which is ridiculous given trans folks’ contributions to the LGBTQ movement. When radical people ARE mentioned, it’s often in a disparaging way, or in a way that positions the radicals as too extreme. Faderman constantly repeats the refrain that the fight for LGBT rights was “just like what black people did for their rights” without any addendum about why that is...not a good take. There’s no meaningful discussion of race, class or intersectionality. She lauds Obama as a hero for the gays and there’s a ton (I mean a TON) of content about how military acceptance + gay marriage = we won, or whatever. anyway, i wasn’t a fan, although many of the events and organizations discussed in this book are important to know just from a factual basis. (CW for all the stuff I mentioned, plus police violence, medicalization of homosexuality. it’s also fucking LONG so i recommend the audiobook, lol.)

Queer (In)Justice: The Criminalization of LGBT People in the United States by Joey L. Mogul,  Andrea J. Ritchie, and Kay Whitlock. This is “a searing examination of queer experiences--as ‘suspects,’ defendants, prisoners, and survivors of crime.” A frequently upsetting but super important read about how LGBTQ identities have been policed in the past, and currently are policed today. i wish there was more focus on trans folks, but other than that it’s a solid read. (CW for all the things you’d expect a book about policing and imprisoning LGBTQ folks to include: police and institutionalized violence, sexual assault, transphobia, homophobia.)

Stonewall by Martin Duberman. This book follows the lives and activism of six LGBTQ folks before, during and after the Stonewall riots. Note: Stonewall itself is only discussed in one chapter about 2/3 of the way through, the rest of the book dedicated to the six individuals’ lives and activism up to and after that point. It’s a history book with a strong narrative focus that I found to be a fairly accessible read. (CW for minors engaging in sex work and sexual predation by adults, sexual and domestic violence, police violence, drug and alcohol abuse, mentions of suicide.)

And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic by Randy Shilts. This is a HEAVY but really important read about the AIDS epidemic in the US, tracking the disease and the political/cultural response from about 1980-1985. It’s journalistic nonfiction, so although it’s a very long book I found it easier to read than more academic-y books. the only thing i really disliked was how the book demonized “Patient Zero” in quite unfair ways, but it was originally published in ‘87 so that explains part of it. I want to stress again that it’s heavy, as you’d expect a book about thousands of deaths to be. (CW: oh boy where to start. Graphic descriptions of disease/death, graphic descriptions of sex, medical neglect, republican nonsense.)

Memoirs, essays, etc

Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme edited by Ivan E. Coyote. i felt mixed about this one! i appreciated the different perspectives regarding gender and desire, especially since this anthology contains a lot of essays by people who came of age in the 60s-80s (so there’s a historical bent too). but some of the essays feel dated, at best, and offensive at worst. there was more than one instance of TERF-y ideology thrown in. probably 1/4 of the essays were really really great, and i’d still recommend reading it in order to form your own opinions--also, imo it’s useful to see where TERF ideology comes from. this book was harder to find, and i had to order a print version through interlibrary loan. (CW for a few TERFy essays. i read this earlier in the year so it’s possible i’m forgetting some other triggers, sorry!)

Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation by (editors) Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman. Serving as a follow-up of sorts to Bornstein’s Gender Outlaw, this is a collection of narratives by transgender and gender-nonconforming folks. While not “history” in a technical sense, many of the writers are 30+ and give a wide array of LGBTQ+ experiences, past and present, that are important. I didn’t agree with every single viewpoint, of course, duh! But some of the essays were really powerful and overall it’s a good read. (CW for one essay about eating disorders, some outdated language/reclaimed slurs as to be expected--language is one of the main themes of the collection actually so the “outdatedness” is important.)

S/He by Minnie Bruce Pratt. A memoir published in 1995, focusing on Minnie’s life, marriage, gender identity, eventual coming out and relationship with Leslie Feinberg. i really enjoyed this one. it was beautifully written. there are many erotic elements to this memoir so keep that in mind. also was a little harder to get, and i had to order a print version via interlibrary loan. (i read this awhile ago and can’t remember specific triggers, sorry! if anyone knows of some, please let me know.)

I’m Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya. A memoir by a trans woman ruminating on masculinity. it’s beautiful and very short (truly more of a longform essay), so it’s a good one if you don’t have the attention span/time for longer books. (CW for sexism, harassment, transphobia.)

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde. god, this memoir is gorgeous and is one of my favorite books of the year. it chronicles Audre’s childhood in Harlem and her coming-of-age in the 1950s as a lesbian. ultimately, this is a book about love and that resonates throughout every page. idk can you tell i loved this book so much??? (CW for child abuse, sexual assault, a friend’s suicide, racism.)

We Have Always Been Here: A Queer Muslim Memoir by Samra Habib. suuuuch a good book! Samra writes about her life as she and her family arrive in Canada as refugees from Pakistan in her early childhood, onto her life today as a queer Muslim woman of color, photographer and activist. beautifully written and just such an important perspective. Only the print version was available at my library. (CW for child sexual assault, a suicide attempt and suicidal ideation, non-graphic mentions of domestic violence, racism and sexism.)

Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kababe. this is a beautifully illustrated graphic novel memoir about the author’s journey of discovering eir identity as queer. i related to a lot of it, which was great on a personal level, but i also think it could be a great educational tool for those wanting to know more about gender queerness (especially for those who prefer graphic novels!) (CW for gender dysphoria, descriptions of gynecological exams, imagery of blood and a couple pages depicting being impaled, some nudity, vomit.)

[ms-hells-bells]

i love people coming at me in messages and replies about that transitioning doesn’t work post lol, assuming that i didn’t respond to diamond because i didn’t want to admit i was wrong as opposed to what  i said on my blog, that i spent hours collating those and it was fucking 2am and i wanted to just go to sleep and not continue this, which i’m fully entitled to, not wanting to spend DAYS on an argument is perfectly sensible, i don’t care if they think i’m wrong or hiding something because of it. i blocked diamond because i woke up to a tantrum and name calling (a slimy snake? bro???) all in my activity feed because i didn’t continue the argument (again, to S L E E P), which is so entitled. i then looked at her response and decided it wasn’t worth responding because it was saying “your sample sizes are too small, your studies are too old (?), they’re too biased”, while her linked ones had even SMALLER sample sizes, many were different reports of the same study, many were talking about hormonal and social transition while i was talking about surgical transition, and the studies were collated by a site with a clear pro trans bias as they said “____ out of ____ studies show that transitioning works”, BUT the second number (out of ___) was significantly lower than the totals of several of the meta-analyses that i linked in the first place, begging the question, what did they leave out or deem “irrelevant”, i looked at their criteria and they didn’t really seem to have one, so i have no idea of their method of study exclusion, and they intentionally phrased it to make it seem as if they looked at ALL studies, rather than particularly selected ones. and, as i said, i looked at the studies, and several were just reports referencing the same study, and some of the studies have as little as 17 people, which is ridiculous, especially after claiming that my studies (some of which had THOUSANDS of people) were too small a sample size. many of the studies also had alarmingly biased and emotive language in the intros and conclusions. and all this isn’t even getting into the fact that trans activists literally block studies that don’t support their claims, universities aren’t funding people who want to look into it because “it’s too controversial”, etc. 

and a fun addition post this argument that just proves my point; tavistock, the only youth gender clinic in britain, hid data that not only showed that almost every kid who’s put on hormone blockers goes on to hormone replacement therapy (as opposed to dysphoric kids who don’t go on hormone blockers, multiple studies of which show that between 64 and 80% of those children will grow out of dysphoria to become mostly gay, lesbian, and bisexual adults, happy, and healthy), but that after a year of puberty blockers, there was no psychological improvement, no change in the rate of kids answering yes to “i deliberately try to hurt or kill myself”. now, WHY are gender clinics not only barely recording and following the mental health (and physical health too, like bone density) rates of their patients, but what little they do collect, they hide?

back in older times, all the psychologists believed that lobotomies were the way, that electric shock therapy was the way, that addictive drugs were the way. the consensus used to be that these things were okay, and because they made doctors and companies money, they viciously defended these ways until there was too much proof and too many damaged people to ignore. the same is going to happen with this. i’m not going to add it to my original post or tag people because like i said, i’m done with this argument. it’s like arguing with anti vaxxers or flat earthers, except even worse, because currently society is accepting the bullshit they’re saying despite growing evidence because misogyny, homophobia, capitalism, and post modernism. i stopped bothering with trans activists long ago, i only did that post because that person seemed to be in good faith....until they started insulting me and sending a million replies and comments. won’t make that mistake again.

[zephyrthejester]

Aww, it makes me happy that Connie is actually choosing Political Science and Sociology as her big focus in College. I always knew it’d end up like that the moment Steven indirectly said that she would be President one day and that was that.

Plus, as Steven pointed out, overthrowing and upheaving a galactic empire probably gave her a taste for this sorta thing.

...All’s well and good, but it looks like Connie only had 15 minutes to chat with Steven, and her timer just went off, and she has to leave. Long distance relationships can be rough... Oh, don’t tell me. Is Steven gonna take Lion and try and go see her in person?

Y’know. It genuinely pains me that every episode of Future now, I’m actually expecting that the main point of conflict will originate from Steven himself. Yikes, dude.

Huh.

When Steven unfolded that brochure that Connie left behind last time, he grasped exactly how far away Connie’s university was from Beach City. And then, without even realizing it, he started glowing bright pink. And this made him sink deep into his mattress, as though it made him twice as heavy.

Okay, look, this COULD be another instance of his mental state directly influencing his powers; the figurative weight of what it means that Connie is away from him becoming literal. BUT... I’m like 80% sure the big spiky dinosaur-thing in the intro is a corrupted Steven. So taking that theory into account, this mattress moment here makes me think of Fullmetal Alchemist, and how Envy was secretly ridiculously heavy because they were a literal big monster all along. I‘m not saying Steven was a big monster all along, just that this instability he’s been having is the first step to corruption.

This “Diamond Tantrum” mode has been a theme all season and it has to be leading to something explosive. The outbursts we’ve seen so far are just that... Outbursts. The dam is yet to break.

[oh-obrien]

Inscrutable {3}

Inscrutable: Impossible to Understand or Interpret 

Masterlist 

Relationships: Stiles Stilinski x Original Female Character

Word Count: 6,159 6,537

Warnings: Mentions of underaged drinking

Author’s Note: Part Three!!! Uhh some angst? Soft Stiles? I really like this part and I’m very excited for the next one!! Message me or send me an ask to be tagged!

THIS PART OF INSCRUTABLE HAS BEEN UPDATED WITH MORE CONTENT AND HAS ALSO BEEN EDITED MORE THROUGHLY!

Friday night rolled around, and Finley found herself bobbing her head along to the beat of her ‘Old Skool’ playlist, which was comprised of all the 80’s music her dad made them listen to growing up, while she Dutch braided her hair in the bathroom mirror. A knock came from the door that led into her suitemates’ room and she paused her music, “it’s open!”  She called loud enough that they could hear her. Bailey, a midfielder for the lacrosse team, slipped into the bathroom, her makeup bag in her hand.

“You’re sure you don’t want to come tonight?” She asked while she pulled out her foundation and a makeup sponge. “It’s going to be an absolute blast! Beach party is one of the most looked forward to parties of the year!” Finley finished her left braid, made sure it looked okay in the mirror, and tied it off with a rubber band.

She looked over to Bailey who had just applied way too much foundation to her face, her neck and face were going to be two different colors but that was not any of Finley’s business. “I’m totally fine. I told you I have a project to work on for my Intro to Law class,” she reminded her suitemate.

Bailey pulled out her mascara and applied a heavy coat to her eyelashes. “Oh, right I forgot you mentioned that,” she fanned her hands in front of her eyes to help the mascara dry faster. Finley continued to section her hair for her right braid and carefully watched her hands work in the mirror. “With that boy, right?” Bailey asked.

“Stiles,” Finley reminded Bailey of his name and continued to tightly braid her hair, “he’s on the men’s club team actually.” She had just remembered they had the lacrosse connection, and she also knew that meant they would soon be seeing each other outside of their class and project meetings thanks to the mixed morning workouts the two teams had agreed to participate in. 

“Oh right! We have a mixer with them two Saturdays from tomorrow.” Bailey told her. Finley hadn’t been much of the party type before she arrived at college. Mainly because she couldn’t get drunk, or even buzzed off of alcohol; a special strain of wolfsbane needed to be mixed in for her to feel anything other than sober at all. Being the designated driver had gotten old for both her and her brother very quickly. “Well, we have to call it a mixer,” Bailey pulled out white eye black and applied it to her nose, so it looked like sunscreen. “It’s a risky business party.”

Finley pulled her second rubber band off her wrist, “risky business?” She asked, slightly confused. “Like the movie?”

Bailey laughed after she finished coating her lips in ‘ruby red’ lipstick and smiled at herself in the mirror. “Yes! Like the movie!” She rolled her eyes and closed her make up bag. “It’s like you don’t know anything about college!” Finley rolled her own eyes in response before walking into the threshold of her room, grabbing the door handle with her hand. 

“Have fun tonight, let me know if you’re going to be hungover in the morning. I’ll go out and get you and Kenna coffee,” Finley told her suitemate before closing her door that led to the bathroom. She was immediately enveloped in the warmth and comfort of her room, the orange scent from her diffuser relaxing her when she breathed in. The warm glow of the lights she had hanging along the top of her wall had her even more relaxed, some of the tension seeping out of her body. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, basking in the silence for the first time in nearly three weeks. 

She had been working all summer before moving her brother in, traveling around the country, and to a few international locations with her dad. After an entire summer of traveling and trying to avoid getting killed, she wanted at least a few days to relax, but instead she had to move her brother and then herself into college. Taking a deep breath, Finley opened her eyes when she heard a knock on the bathroom door that led to her room.

“It’s open!” She groaned watching the handle twist before her other suitemate, Mckenna, walked in. She had on a pair of white, denim shorts, and a sunflower printed bikini top, a pair of sunglasses sitting on top of her head. “Please wear a coat or at least bring one,” Finley pinched the bridge of her nose.

Mckenna rolled her eyes and leaned on the frame of the door while Bailey pulled a pair of ‘lifeguard’ shorts over her red, ‘lifeguard’ one piece swimsuit. “It’s me you’re concerned about?” Mckenna laughed and motioned to Bailey who now had a hard lemonade can in her hand. “That’s her third, and it’s only seven.” 

“I don’t want to be up early tomorrow because she’s throwing up,” Finley groaned and Mckenna stepped into her room closing the bathroom door behind her. Bailey and Mckenna thought that Finley was only a light sleeper, they didn’t know that when one of them was throwing up in the bathroom, Finley could both hear and smell everything.

“You say that like she won’t go home with a soccer or men’s player,” Mckenna laughed while she sat on top of one of the two desks in Finley’s room. “So, I wouldn’t be too worried about her waking up you or the boy you’re having over. Speaking of,” she swung her legs a little bit. “When’s he coming over?”

Finely looked at her watch, “ten minutes. If even,” she shrugged. “And he’s not staying over he has a girlfriend,” she added after the fact. She knew Stiles would most likely hang around as long as she let him, but she didn’t plan on trying anything with him. She didn’t know him well enough to pursue anything yet anyways. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Mckenna waved her off while sliding off the desk. “We’ll be gone by eight at the latest, we’re going over to one of the senior’s apartments before heading over to the soccer house.” Mckenna opened the bathroom door and they both noticed that Bailey was trying, and failing, to braid her hair. “Let’s go Bails,” Mckenna threw a wink over her shoulder at Finley before leading Bailey back into their room, both doors separating the three closing behind the pair. 

Finley let out a loud groan as she got up and locked the bathroom door from her side, making sure a drunk Bailey wouldn’t be able to barge in any time soon. She walked over to her dresser and untied her sweatpants, letting them fall to the floor while she dug around her in a drawer for a pair of shorts. 

She couldn’t figure out why she felt so on edge, she wanted to rip someone’s head off and cry at the same time, a feeling she hadn’t felt since the last big blow up with her grandmother months prior. Sure, the full moon was that night, but she had been able to more than control herself for the event since she was six years old. That couldn’t be why her emotions were so volatile. She grabbed her phone and unlocked it, looking for when she was due for her next heat, and it wasn’t supposed to occur for another two months. 

Stepping out of her sweats she pulled the black Nike pros up her legs and flattened the band across her stomach. Tucking the extra fabric from her long sleeve shirt into them before pulling a pair of cabin socks on her feet. Her room often got warm at night, even with the air on as cold as she could make it she would get too hot to wear sweatpants for more than a couple hours at a time. Walking over to her body length mirror she turned to the side and looked over herself for a few moments. 

She had always been on both the taller and ‘curvier’ side, even when she had been younger. The body type ran in her family, even Cian was on the larger side of D1 quarterbacks. Since she had been running around the country, quite literally, most of the summer and began intense conditioning for lacrosse soon after, she had lost around fifteen pounds and started to gain more defined muscles. She wasn’t uncomfortable with how her body had been changing, but it had come as a shock when she weighed in at media day and noticed the drop in her weight. She did enjoy how her legs were becoming even more defined than they already were and her ass looked amazing.

She jumped when a knock sounded from her room door and walked over to open it. Stiles stood on the other side, his legs clad in a pair of maroon sweats that read ‘Beacon Hills Lacrosse’ and his top half covered in just a while tee shirt. “Hey!” She smiled opening the door wider so he could walk in. 

“Hey,” he winced, in what looked like pain, while he dropped his backpack on her floor, “I am so sore.” He groaned, stretching his neck out. Finley watched as he bent down slowly to pull his water bottle out of his bag, holding his back while he did.

“Oh, right men’s started a couple days ago,” she laughed watching as he sat down on the edge of her bed. “We were watching you guys run suicides earlier between shotting drills,” she felt a smirk pull across her face when she saw Stiles look at her with his eyes narrowed. “Looked awful if you want my opinion, but I went through that at the beginning of the season, so I don’t feel bad per say. I just feel sympathetic.”

Finley considered taking some of his pain away, but she wasn’t sure how he would react if she did, or if he already knew about that aspect of being a werewolf. Instead, she pulled a chair over to her closet to stand on while she looked around her top shelf for her heating pad. She usually used it before her heats when she would start feeling the symptoms of it onsetting, but she also discovered it worked magic on humans when their muscles were tense or tight.

“Here, hang on,” Finley plugged it into her extension cord and turned it on to the high setting. “Sit back on the wall with this on your back.” She told him after handing him the heating pad. She watched Stiles give her an ‘I don’t believe you’ look while he settled himself against the wall, the heating pad on his lower back. She stood across the room, her arms crossed over her chest while she watched some of the tension wash out of his body, his shoulders dropping and his face relaxing. 

Stiles opened his eyes to look at Finley, a smug smirk on her face. “It worked,” he smiled while he rested his head against the wall, still watching her. Finley walked across the room and sat down on her bed on the opposite send from stiles, her legs crossed while she unlocked her phone. 

“I’m right sometimes,” she laughed while she pulled up a takeout menu. “So how does grilled cheese sound for dinner?” She held up the menu on her phone while Stiles turned his head to the side to watch her. That was when he noticed she had on glasses, he had never seen her wear them before. The frames complementing the shape of her face and their tortoiseshell print making her blue eyes pop. 

“Grilled cheese?” He asked in slight amusement, “doesn’t sound much like take out, we could make that here if we wanted.” He spoke. Finley watched as his body relaxed even more and he sat up a little bit straighter, pulling his legs in so they crossed. 

“It’s a place called GCDC and it’s a grilled cheese restaurant,” she handed him her phone that had the menu pulled up on it. “If nothing catches your eye, we can try somewhere else, but I am the one from around here y’know?” Watching Finley skeptically out of the corner of his eye Stiles took the menu and began looking it over. 

A few minutes later Stiles handed her back her phone. “Okay so, maybe I was wrong,” he mumbled. “This place actually looks really good, and this heating pad is fucking magical,” he moved it further up his back. Finley noticed how much more his face had relaxed and smiled lightly, he looked cozy and warm. Mixed with the subtle scent of orange filling her room and the warm glow of her lights she found herself wanting to curl up next to him and take a nap. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Finley realized she would have to actually go see her dad in the morning and sit down and talk to him about her feelings, the last thing she wanted to do. However, she could not let her emotions get the best of her in this situation and understood that her dad tended to give good advice in the area of ‘werewolf dating and romance’, as much as she hated to admit it.

“Yeah, I know,” Finley mumbled not wanting to open her eyes and have to look at Stiles again, “and that was to both of your statements,” she added. “If you tell me what you want, I’ll call and order it,” Finley reached over to the desk that had been placed at the end of her bed and grabbed a post it and pencil.

Stiles reached out for her phone that still sat unlocked on her bed and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth while he scanned the menu again. “Would you recommend a grilled cheese or mac and cheese?” Stiles looked at Finley over the phone, his brows knit together trying to make the tough decision between the two. 

“So how about this,” she bounced the pencil on her leg, “we each get a grilled cheese and then we can split a mac and cheese?” Finley suggested. “Because both are amazing and I’m actually pretty hungry tonight.” She shrugged, she had lost weight, she could eat a little more crap than she usually would. “So, four cheese mac and cheese,” she wrote it down. 

Stiles looked back and forth between a couple options before settling on one. “And-” he dragged out the word while he tried to make up his mind. “I’ll get the Young American I guess,” he shrugged while he handed Finley’s phone back to her. “Which do you usually get?” He asked while she wrote his order down.

“I usually get the French Onion,” she also wrote down her order. “Uhh, I have soda and iced tea and shit in the fridge unless you want something else to drink.” She tried to think of what else they could possibly order from the restaurant. “Anything else you could think of that you would want from there?” Finley asked. Stiles shook his head, his hair that still looked slightly damp from his shower, flopping on his forehead. It was a cute look, especially with how relaxed he seemed, but Finley knew she needed to reign it in before she accidently said something she regretted. She had never been known to have the best brain to mouth filter and did not need it getting her in trouble with Stiles.

Stiles tried to settle more into the feeling of the heating pad relaxing the tense and sore muscles in his back while Finley finished writing down their orders. She set her pencil back down on her desk and held the post it between her teeth while she crawled off her bed, jumping down to the floor before padding over to her other desk.    

Stiles knew it was wrong, and he knew he shouldn’t do it, but he found his eyes following her movements while she walked around her room. Her figure was illuminated by the warm glow of her lights and the two braids in her hair flowed down her back almost perfectly. He watched the muscles in her legs flex while she leaned up on her toes to put the post it of their orders up on the wall. The way her shorts fit left absolutely nothing to his imagination and Stiles found himself observing how they hugged her hips and ass perfectly. 

Stiles rolled his back against the wall and tried to focus on something else while he listened to Finley call in their orders. He tried to will his mind to think about something other than walking up behind her and slipping his arms around her waist while she spoke, tracing his lips down the side of her neck. He tried to remember what Lydia’s lips felt like on his, what her arms around him felt like, but he just couldn’t. Stiles closed his eyes and took a deep breath in through his nose before letting it out slowly through his lips; he was with Lydia, he loved Lydia.

On Monday after he had spoken to Lydia, for far too long in his opinion, Stiles found himself on the phone with Scott on the verge of an anxiety attack. He loved Lydia, he truly did, but some pieces just weren’t fitting together right anymore. Scott had managed to talk Stiles off a ledge and told him that if he waited two weeks until he and Lydia were traveling to D.C. to see one of Stiles’ first lacrosse games, he would help Stiles decide if breaking up with Lydia would be the best decision for him. He had hung up his phone after the conversation and found himself flopping back into his bed with an over exaggerated sigh that had his roommate asking if he felt okay. 

“Stiles?” He opened his eyes to see Finley standing in front of him, concern and confusion written on her face. “It’ll be here in like fifteen minutes, but are you sure you’re okay?” She asked.

Stiles sat up a little bit and groaned when he felt his muscles tense up again, a sickening crack traveling down his back when he stretched it out. “I’m okay just, I need to get used to it again,” he sighed. “I’m sure you’d understand it.” He laughed and moved the heating pad down lower again.

Finley bit her lip while she looked at Stiles, of course she didn’t fully understand it, her muscles would heal almost immediately after she strained them at practice. She could clearly see how the soreness had affected Stiles though, and she wanted to help but didn’t want to risk exposing herself. “We could have rescheduled y’know?” She asked him. 

“I’m perfectly fine. I just needed a few minutes to sit down,” he waved her off before standing up and going to pick up his backpack. “I’ve been looking at the case stuff and I have a couple ideas on who the suspect is, but I think we need the rest of the case information he’s giving us Monday to finish it.” 

Finley stopped him from bending down with a hand on his shoulder and offered a soft smile. “It’s good I was thinking the same thing because you need physical rest and I need a mental break,” she spoke. “We can look at it again at lunch on Monday, okay?” She pushed Stiles’ bag next to hers with her foot. 

“Sounds good to me,” Stiles walked back over to her bed and pushed himself up on the mattress, settling the heating pad on his back again. Finley offered him a sympathetic smile before she grabbed her wallet and ID.

She slipped on her Crocs before grabbing the handle of the door. “I’m gonna go grab the food, you just don’t hurt yourself,” she laughed lightly. Stiles went to push off the mattress and she reached a hand out to stop him. “Didn’t I say to like, stay there?” She asked, cocking her head to the side, a playful smirk pulling at her lips.

“I need to-”

“It’s on me this time,” she waved him off when Stiles gave her a look that said he wanted to protest, and she opened her door and started to step outside before he could say anything else. “I said it’s on me,” she repeated.

Stiles leaned his head back against the wall and watched Finley leave, her door shutting quietly behind her. Being left alone in Finley’s room felt slightly wrong, and his curiosity had him eager to look around, but he wasn’t sure if it would be rude. He closed his eyes again, trying to focus on the warmth spreading throughout his body, but he got too curious to stay focused on the pain that spread throughout his body. Stiles opened his eyes and looked around the room, he noticed that the wall her window was on had been covered in pictures and slowly pushed himself off the bed with a groan.

Slowly he shuffled across her soft rug, not wanting to lift his legs too much and hurt himself even more and paused in front of the wall of photos. He quickly scanned over the wall and noticed that most of them seemed to feature Finley and her friends at various sports games or school dances, even sleepovers and vacations.

He realized he had quite a few similar photos hanging up in his room and smiled a little bit, he could be a normal teenager sometimes apparently. Between fighting the supernatural, trying to actually finish high school and making sure no on in his pack actually died, Stiles hadn’t had much time to be a ‘normal’ teenager the last few years. He had hoped he would change that at college and be able to let go a little bit, so far that had proved to be true, but he just hoped the trend would continue.

Stiles found himself looking past most of the pictures from lacrosse games or prom and his eyes settled on one that hung right next to the window on its molding. A little girl posed in front of a tiger cage in the pictures, a boy who looks quite similar next to her, they both had Mickey Mouse ears on, and their faces were painted to look like tigers. Behind the two kids stood a man who Stiles noticed in a number of other photos, Finley’s dad he assumed, and a woman who seemed to be almost a splitting image of Finley. 

“That was our last family vacation,” Finley held a paper bag in her hand and closed her bedroom door. Stiles jumped when he heard her voice and gasped, putting a hand over his heart and groaning in pain. “Sorry,” Finley laughed and sat the food down on her desk along with her wallet and ID, “couldn’t help it. I wanted to see if you would actually jump.”

She walked over to where Stiles stood and ran her fingers over the picture, smiling sadly while she did. “That was two weeks before she passed actually,” Finley mumbled, “at the Animal Kingdom,” she pointed to another photo. Her and her brother, along with their father, stood in the same location for the photo and still wore Mickey ears, but they looked significantly older. “And that one is from when we were sixteen, there’s others somewhere on here.” She motioned around the wall. “We go the same week every year.”

Finley turned and walked back to her desk where the food sat. “Sorry I was snooping around,” he spoke while walking over towards her. He hadn’t meant to look creepy while looking at her photos, he just wanted to get to know her better and his curiosity had gotten the best of him.

“Oh, I don’t care,” she ripped the staples out of the paper bag with her nails and dumped them into the garbage bag. “I don’t really have anything to hide, and besides they’re hanging up so it’s just asking people to look at them. If I did have something to hide,” she slid the three containers out of the bag along with some plastic forks and napkins, “I wouldn’t leave it out in the open.” 

Finley bit her lip while sitting down on the floor and opening her mini fridge, of course she had things to hide, but nothing in her room. “Uhh,” she bent down to look in the fridge, “alcohol or non-alcohol for the drink?” Just because Finley couldn’t get drunk off normal alcohol didn’t mean she didn’t enjoy it. Also knowing that his kids couldn’t feel the effects alcohol provided to others, Maxwell often had no problems with providing his kids drinks. 

“You have alcohol in here?” Stiles asked in slight disbelief. Finley turned around and looked up at him, slightly shocked that had been his reaction. 

“Yeah, and my suitemates have a shit ton more,” she laughed pushing a few bottles and cans around in the fridge. “So?” she asked Stiles waiting for an answer. 

She saw stiles sit down in her desk chair next to where she sat on the floor. “I mean if you’re offering, I’ll take one of whatever you’re having,” he shrugged. Finley smirked and pulled out a can and handed it to him. 

“I don’t know if you’re a fan of hard coffee like I am,” she pushed a few more bottles and cans around. “If not, I have a couple different beers and uhh- a few different hard lemonades.” She looked up to Stiles who had set her coffee can on the desk. 

“Uhh I guess whatever beer you have then,” Finley sighed and pulled two bottles out, a Corona and a Bud Light, shaking both bottles slightly to tell Stiles to pick. “Corona,” he said firmly, and Finley smirked, holding the bottle out towards him. 

She slid the other back into the fridge and pulled a magnetic bottle opener off the side of her fridge and handed it to him. “My dad and brother drink Corona,” she said, “I actually don’t like beer honestly.”

Finley watched Stiles open the bottle and he set the cap on her desk before putting the bottle opener back where it belonged. She handed him his grilled cheese and the container of mac and cheese, “go get comfortable again,” she nodded towards the bed, “I can tell you’re still in pain and I want to pick a movie to watch.” 

Finley watched Stiles walk back towards the bed and set both containers down before pushing himself up on to the mattress, his brows furrowing in pain while he did. Maybe when he wasn’t paying attention she could try and take away at least a little bit of his pain. “What kind of movies do you have?” She heard Stiles ask while she pulled a chair over to her closet. She stepped on to the chair and pulled a blue, plastic bin off the top shelf, stepping down with it in her hands. 

“Umm it’s a lot of old movies really,” she thumbed through the DVD boxes. “All the Jurassic Park movies, that are out at least, The Godfather movies, The Notebook,” she snorted while she flipped past it, “oh all the Star Wars ones, Harry Potter, Scooby-Doo!” She pulled out the last box and flipped it over seeing it contained many of the classic seasons in the box set. “It’s up to you though,” she walked over to the bed and placed the box down, “you’re the guest.”

She watched Stiles flip through the movies she had before he paused on Star Wars, “I mean,” he held the box up, “it’s my favorite movie.” She saw him look closely at the box, “but I’ve also seen it like a million times,” he mumbled to himself. 

Finley crossed her arms over her chest, “like I said. You’re the guest. You want to watch Star Wars,” she shrugged, “we watch Star Wars.” The Star Wars series had also been one of her favorites growing up. Cian claimed when he had been younger that one day, he would be a Jedi, eventually that dream shifted to working in law enforcement though. 

“Yeah,” Stiles slid the box back into the same place he had pulled it out from. “But you looked really excited when you saw this,” he pulled out the Scooby-Doo box. Finley bit her bottom lip while he held it out to her with a wide smile. “They’re detectives, I mean with my FBI experience, I’m half a detective. So, it should be enjoyable.” Finley let her bottom lip fall from between her teeth and smiled as she grabbed the box from Stiles, going to put the DVD into the player.

Stiles smiled and watched Finley while she walked over to where her television and DVD player were placed on top of her dresser. As much as he had wanted to watch Star Wars, he saw how happy she had been when she found the Scooby-Doo box and figured it was the least he could do, especially when she had gotten dinner and invited him to her room. He took a sip of the beer that he held while watching Finley bend down to plug in the DVD player.

He quickly averted his eyes from her ass as she bent down and focused on the thin layer of white foam that had settled on top of his beer. He had to wait to make a move until he had broken up with Lydia, he couldn’t cheat on her, even if he knew he would be breaking up with her two weeks later. Instead, he opted to pull his phone out and text Scott while Finley fiddled with the DVD player. 

“Scotty Boy, I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” he typed out the first message and sent it. “You know that wolfy thing where at first you can’t control when you turn? Yeah, that’s my hormones right now.” Stiles watched Finley tuck the DVD remote into the waistband of her shorts, if they could even be called that, before she picked up her own grilled cheese and hard coffee can.

Stiles felt his phone vibrate next to him while Finley set her food and can down on the bed. She pulled the DVD remote out of her shorts along with her phone from the other side, which she also set down on the bed. He looked over when he saw the screen on her phone light up and noticed that a notification for ‘Full Moon’ had popped up on her screen.

“You have two weeks man, and you just met her, can you really feel that drawn to her?” Scott had replied to his message. Stiles let out a loud sigh and Finley turned to look at him while she climbed into her bed, sitting down on the end opposite from Stiles. 

“Well, someone sounds upset,” she laughed picking up the DVD remote and pressing play. Stiles didn’t answer for a moment and instead pulled his grilled cheese box closer to himself, opening it up before looking over to Finley who was still watching him.

He looked into her eyes and shrugged, “just Scott being Scott,” he quickly made up an excuse, “he’s actually with my ex-girlfriend and it’s a whole long story,” that should be a good enough cover. 

“Oh damn,” Finley bit into her grilled cheese. “I’m sorry that must be rough,” she finished her thought. Stiles shrugged and took a bite of his own grilled cheese before trying to think of a proper response.

He swallowed the food in his mouth before continuing to speak, “actually it happened like naturally I guess, I can’t really be mad about it,” Stiles shrugged. “Besides, then I started dating Lydia and just life had gotten crazy, so I didn’t really have the time to complain about it and by the time I did I had already gotten over it.” Stiles picked up his phone and flipped it over again. 

“Isn’t there guy code?” Finley asked. “Like whatever girl code is?” Stiles leaned over the end of the bed to set his beer down on the dresser next to it. 

He shrugged, he wasn’t quite sure about guy code, and he hadn’t had the most conventional high school years to speak on it. “I mean, I’m sure there is,” he replied, “but me and Scott never really worried about I guess, petty stuff like that.” He watched Finley nod before she turned to look at the television. “Good luck with the full moon, by the way,” he sent Scott. 

“I don’t know much about girl code either,” she looked back to Stiles, “so I don’t even really know why I asked,” he watched her look down at her lap, like she wanted to say something else but wasn’t sure if she should. 

Stiles sighed before trying to think of something to continue the topic with, hoping to make her more comfortable around him. “I can also tell you that Scott made out with my current girlfriend once, well she kissed him,” he took another bite of his grilled cheese. “Now that I think about it,” he swallowed his food, “we have some weird little incestuous pit going on,” he laughed lightly. 

“The football players and lacrosse girls at my school were like that,” Finley turned to face Stiles better and crossed her legs. “I can like make a whole confusing web of who dated who, and who cheated on who with someone else, and who hooked up with whoever and then started dating but had previously dated someone else. It’s confusing really,” she took a long sip of her drink. 

Stiles shoved the last bite of his first half of grilled cheese into his mouth, “how’d you fit into that web?” He asked around his mouth full of food, wiping his hands on one of the napkins. 

Finley rolled her eyes while sighing, “do you really want to know?” She asked him.

“I mean-” Stiles shrugged with a small smile, “I’m intrigued now. This seems like an absolute mess.” He hadn’t realized Scott had texted him until his phone vibrated against his leg, and he flipped it over to see a string of texts from Scott. Stiles, however, chose to ignore it; flipping the ringer on his phone off so it wouldn’t vibrate anymore. 

Turning his attention back to Finley he watched as she fiddled nervously with the can in her hands, pressing indents into it where her fingers sat. “Uhh, well for starters I guess I have never dated anyone, never hooked up with anyone, never anything romantic with anyone,” he watched as a blush came over her face, traveling down her neck and past the collar of her shirt.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Stiles mumbled, feeling slightly guilty. Here he was, talking about all the girls he’d been with, which isn’t many, but still. He didn’t want Finley’s lack of experience to make her feel bad about herself. 

Finley shrugged while she wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees. “I had been really interested in one of the guys in our friend group, he played on the line for the football team,” she let out a long sigh. “But then he started dating this other girl, they broke up, he asked me to prom-”

“Oh, so that’s good!” Stiles interrupted. Finley gave him a tiny smile, but he noticed how her lips dropped back down into half a frown.

“Yeah, but then on the night of prom,” she balanced the coffee can on her sock covered feet, avoiding eye contact with Stiles. “He wound up getting back with his ex and prom sucked,” she sighed. She looked up to see Stiles pulling at the napkin in his hands. “And I just made it awkward,” she mumbled.

Stiles’ head shot up at her words. “No!” He cleared his throat. “No, you didn’t! I just-” he tried to find the right words. “I just feel bad, you seem so, kind and genuine, and- and you deserve to be happy,” he offered her a sad smile in return. 

“I’ll find it eventually,” she mumbled, picking at the crust of her grilled cheese. She smelled the sympathy coming off Stiles, and she hated it. He felt bad for her, he just felt bad for her, he wasn’t actually interested in her, someone like him couldn’t be. She was also a supernatural freak, she bit the inside of her bottom lip, who would want to deal with that. She knew Stiles had before, but he and his were-ex hadn’t worked out.

After that a silence fell between the two of them, Finley picking at her grilled cheese while Stiles finished his. “I’m not really hungry anymore,” she pushed the mac and cheese container closer to him, “you can have it.” She saw that Stiles wanted to say something, but he hesitated. Instead, he slid their containers out of the way and set them on the dresser with his beer along with the napkins and forks.

“You really do deserve to be happy,” he said quietly, moving closer to Finley. She continued to chew on the inside of her lip to avoid crying and let out a long stream of air through her nose. “I’m serious,” he added. Finley set her drink on the desk and looked over to Stiles, her cheek resting on her knees while she did. His whiskey-colored eyes softened and he sighed, moving ever closer. 

Finley felt his warmth from where she sat and wanted to move closer, it was like his natural body temperature was trying to pull her even closer. That and his scent had mellowed out, it turned sweeter, relaxing even, like cinnamon and freshly dried clothes. “Like I said,” she let her lip fall from between her teeth, “eventually.” 

Stiles reached out and Finley didn’t protest, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and pulling her into him. She immediately felt most of the tension seep out of her boy when he pulled her into his side, her head resting on his shoulder. With the tension leaving her body and Stiles’ warm scent wrapping around her she couldn’t control her emotions and felt a few tears slip out of her eyes, dripping off the tip of her nose. “Hey,” Stiles said quietly, “I promise eventually it’ll all work out.”

“It’s fine,” Finley sat up and wiped her eyes, “I just- I let my emotions get the best of me and I just, don’t usually do that,” she stumbled over her words. Stiles leaned back against the headboard of her bed before grabbing her by the shoulder again and pulling her into him. This was wrong, so, so, wrong, Finley thought to herself, but she gave in. Resting her head against his bicep Finley sighed and felt her eyes slip closed, she couldn’t fight it and wasn’t quite sure why.

“You’ll be happy soon,” she heard Stiles mumble, “I promise.”

[blackbatpurplecat]

Catwoman 80th Anniversary

In 1940, one of the now most popular comic book heroes of all time got his very first solo run. It would become a milestone in comic book history. But he wasn’t the only one who had a chance to shine. In that premiere issue, even TWO of his most famous antagonists would be introduced: The man who laughs and the woman who steals.

That woman was intended to become the love of the hero’s life. The good guy and the naughty girl, the appeal was palpable. However, she wasn’t just a love interest or a generic thief or only another villain in the ever growing gallery of rogues the hero would face over decades to come, no - she was quite the character.

Her first alias was “The Cat” which would ultimately become Catwoman. Selina Kyle, the best thief in the world, a literal cat burglar, a classy seductress and queen of sass. And fans loved her so much that over time, she grew to become just as famous as the hero.

Her story has had its ups and downs. Mostly ups. ;) Going from the pages of the comics to the little and the big screen in the 60s, then she disappeared for a while, then made a comeback. She married the hero and had a child, though that marriage was later rebooted and was followed by a depressing origin story a sexist author made up for her in the 80s.

The 90s then turned out to be her decade! She found herself on the TV screen again, animated this time. She was portrayed by a Golden Globe winner on the big screen again. And she finally got her very own solo run in comics.

Her solo title was successful enough to run for over 20 years, a time in which her development from antagonist to anti-heroine would pan out. She would be a member of several teams, dance on both sides of the law, and even have another child. The screen called her back in form of a movie and a tv show. In one she was a thief with a love for killing, in the other a teenager. And we already know that her movie career will soon continue with two more projects.

In 2016, DC rebooted their entire universe. Catwoman’s origin story was changed, her relationships were lost, her solo run got canceled. No one knew what was real anymore - and fans didn’t like it. Only a year later, a retcon followed in a pathetic attempt to restore a status quo fans were familiar with and approved of. Even her solo run came back and today, in June 2020, we celebrate her 80th anniversary!

Catwoman is my favorite DC character ever. She’s clever, she’s funny, she’s stubborn, she’s classy, she’s confident, she plays by her own rules. When written right, she is such an entertaining character, unpredictable and fun.

In 80 years, there have been countless appearances, so many incarnations and interpretations of her - sure, I didn’t like all of them but you can say there’s something for each one of us. You don’t like her in the 2010s? Check out the 90s. You don’t like her in the 40s? Check out the 80s. There’s a version of Catwoman for many different tastes. She never goes out of fashion.

So to celebrate one of DC’s most famous women, they published a collection of 10 stories in total, written and drawn by people who have had touched her character over the past years.

Did Catwoman 80th Anniversary - Celebrating Eight Decades of Beauty and Burglary do her justice?

Warning: Spoilers!

Let’s check out each story and see what the writers came up with for this very special occasion. Except for one, none of these are meant to be canon, it’s just a collection of shorts meant to emphasise why Catwoman is so good. Something I noticed was that each writer had not picked any Catwoman to write but “their” Catwoman. A nice detail. Consistency, why not? Write what you feel comfortable and familiar with. This can only help with the quality of the stories, right? ... Right? ...

Strap in folks, this is going to be a LOOOOONG post!

Story #1: Skin the Cat by Paul Dini

Selina’s just living her normal life with her cats, occasionally stealing some money and jewels. Hey, a girl’s gotta eat. ;) What catches her attention are news reports about stolen big cats. I’m a cat lover myself and this series of crimes would worry me just as much as it worries Selina. She deduces where in Gotham someone could hide those wild cats, breaks in, and is welcomed by an eerie voice - as well as the taxidermied cats. Fucking bastard... The villain Taxidermist, quelle surprise, is behind the cat murders. He now intends to gas Selina and add her to his cat collection but Selina reveals that she’d already turned off the gas before breaking in. She escapes his long knives and watches as three big cats she had brought with her attack and kill him.

What an intro! A story about Selina’s love for cats and her strategic thinking. I really liked the first half! But once the Taxidermist shows up, it loses itself in drawn out exposition. Selina goes on a long monologue to explain to the reader who the Taxidermist is, how she knew it was him, how she turned off the gas, and how she replaced three of the dead cats with alive ones. I would have preferred to actually SEE her preparations for the face-off in flashback panels instead of having to read it. It didn’t feel natural at all. Also how the fuck did she bring 3 wild cats and switch them for the stuffed ones?! How?! And when?! I’m also quite sad that she didn’t get to save the cats. That was a bummer. So all she basically did was bring 3 big cats to kill a killer.

The art’s gorgeous, nothing else to say here!

6/10

Story #2: Now You See Me by Ann Nocenti

Ann Nocenti’s name immediately made me go uh-oh... Her bad and convoluted writing style made readers drop the Catwoman books which eventually lead to the solo run’s cancelation so you can understand why I was concerned.

So Catwoman is hiding a little pouch in a pigeon loft on a roof while pondering who to sell her stolen goods to - as well as where to vacation afterwards. She then notices a surveillance camera. The scene cuts to two cops on surveillance duty. They’re both bored as hell so when one spots Selina, he quickly distracts his colleague and leaves to find her. He takes the pouch out of the pigeon loft and a fight between him and Catwoman ensues. He reveals that he wants to become her partner. He wants to feed her any intel he can see on his screens so she could steal and sells some goods, and they’d split the money. When Selina refuses, he tries to blackmail her into complying. Selina presses a button on a little device and whatever’s in the pouch the cop sacked, explodes, sending him over the edge. Luckily, he lands on an umbrella Penguin had sent off apparently because we see him in one panel, angered that his plan was foiled. I’m not entirely sure what his “brilliant plan” was supposed to be. Something with gas tanks that were strapped to the umbrella I assume? I have no idea.

This one is missing too much context for my taste. What was in the pouch? Did the explosion kill the guy? What was Penguin doing there? What was his plan? Why did we need the second cop? For a super obvious but unnecessary parallel between Catwoman vs. corrupt cop and random woman vs. random man on one of the surveillance screens? Why give Catwoman so little “screen time” and so little dialogue? Is this short story referencing anything from Nocenti’s awful run and I just forgot? To quote Val Kilmer Batman: “It just raises too many questions.”

The art’s okay, nothing too special.

3/10

Story #3: Helena by Tom King

Oh boy. This is the big one. The one everyone’s been waiting for, I guess. The man who not so long ago had promised us a BatCat wedding just to shove a huge middle finger in our faces, promised us a pregnant Selina this time. I was skeptical of course. Also other readers were convinced he’d just let Selina have a miscarriage. Well, the good news is it wasn’t a miscarriage. The bad news is he almost makes Selina seem like she would have preferred a miscarriage.

The story goes like this: Selina hasn’t been feeling well so instead of going to a doctor like a normal person, Bruce scans her head and checks her vitals and blood (I can only assume because we’re not shown). Selina’s convinced that she’s seriously ill but a gentle, hopeful smile on Bruce’s face reveals the actual truth: She is pregnant. And her first reaction is shock and denial. We cut to BatCat fighting Tweedledum and Tweedledee (I think, you can’t really see them but the two men they knock out look identical). Selina then bends over and says that she’s about to throw up. Followed by a Batbucket joke. I’m getting so tired of all the forced self-awareness, guys. We cut to Catwoman, now sporting a baby bump underneath the skin-tight leather, sitting on a roof. She prepares a glass of wine while telling the baby that it is just like Bruce and it’s such a dick for taking away her freedom. After one sip, she chucks the glass away and curses. We’re then treated to a montage of BatCat fighting several rogues while Selina’s belly grows with each panel until it’s an 8, maybe 9 months along belly. I... I have no words. Except for yes, this was written by a man. BatCat are then standing on a roof and Selina laments that she’s a thief, not a mother, and the baby will derail her life and plans. The scene switches to Bruce and Selina in bed, arguing because she’s in labor. Bruce is ready to roll while Selina is STILL in denial, crying that she’s not a mother, that she’s not a hero or a good and brave person like him. Bruce tells her she didn’t run off so that means she’s a good person and they agree that it’s time to have the baby. Another cut to Selina having to take care of a crying baby Helena, asking why she’s crying when it’s Selina’s turn to stay at home and not Bruce’s. Selina talks to Helena, saying she’s luckier than Selina was because Selina’s mom ran off. She fucking FINALLY says something nice about her own child (”You’re a cute little kitten.”) and wonders what they’re going to do with her. The last page is old Selina and grownup Helena after Bruce’s death. Selina’s complaining about the pretty cemetery while Helena likes it. Her daughter’s ability to not shit on just everything and not be a total killjoy all the time causes Selina to say again that Helena is like Bruce. Upon Helena’s question if she’s anything like her mother, Selina answers that she’s just as stubborn as her. If she wants something, she steals it. Helena asks what she ever stole and Selina delivers the last predictable cliche of the story: “You stole my heart.”

Ugh. King’s Selina is just such a boring read. She’s not charming or interesting or sympathetic. Maybe I’m too used to a fun Selina but this one’s just a drag. A heavily pregnant Catwoman fighting Joker, yeah sure, totally not absolute bullshit. And the way Selina keeps distancing herself from the child inside her? For over 9 months?! Is she going out in that ridiculous catsuit because she wants to cause a miscarriage, is that it? So she doesn’t have to make a decision like abortion, adoption or leaving the baby with Bruce? Her constant cussing over the situation and crying and whining turns the pregnancy of my favorite DC couple into such a depressing ordeal.

The art is very pretty! Thank God.

4/10

Story #4: The Catwoman of Earth by Jeff Parker

After the depressing pregnancy of Catwoman, we switch to the wacky 60s version of her. Catwoman and her henchmen are robbing a science fair when suddenly, a UFO arrives. WTF?! Four aliens and a robot are beamed down to the surface and the group’s leader, an arrogant jock-like guy proclaims that they will take over the planet and enslave humanity. Catwoman angrily stands up to him. Turns out the evil aliens are sexist too when the male one tells Catwoman females have to ask for permission to speak and the female alien in the group unhappily agrees. The jock alien tells the muscly male alien to dispose of Catwoman but she’s not easy to dispose of! She fights off the brawler, she cuts the tentacles off the tentacle alien (someone WILL jerk off to that one panel), dodges the jock’s laser gun, steals the laser gun with her whip, shoots the robot to bits, and lets the police take the males away. The female alien seems much happier now and invites Catwoman to a flight around the world in the UFO. Catwoman suggests a trip to Paris so she can loot the Louvre.

Aliens and Catwoman don’t mix. I didn’t really care for this story. I mean it’s great to see Catwoman in action and taking down four guys on her own but... aliens and Catwoman just don’t mix. It was a bit jarring to me. Also the aliens’ designs weren’t super interesting. They were basically pink elves.

The art is beautiful. Catwoman looks like Julie Newmar and the entire color scheme is very 60s.

4/10

Story #5: A Cat of Nine Tales by Liam Sharp

Catwoman’s caught stealing a diamond necklace by an armed security guard. He seems a bit scared of her but knows it’s his job to stop her. She’s not engaging in a fight - of course not, he has a gun pointed at her! So instead, Catwoman relies on her talking skills. And intimidation skills. She tells the guard that there are 9 ways their situation could play out: 1. The guard lets her tie him up and escape with the necklace. 2. She beats his ass. 3. He kills her. 4. She scratches his eyes out. 5. He slips and gets knocked out. 6. He fires his gun, misses her, and the bullet ricochets until it kills him.  7. They team up. 8. She gives up. 9. She kills him. However, the story ends with the guard fainting because Catwoman’s just so damn scary.

Very short, very simple. Even the art is simple, on one page there are 3 very similar panels with only minor changes. Nothing memorable but not too bad. It shows how Catwoman can take someone out even without touching them. It’s okay.

The art reminds me of a comic from the 80s or maybe 90s. Hard to describe why. Guess you have to see it. Again, it’s okay.

5/10

Story #6: Little Bird by Mindy Newell

Selina learns from a news report that a priceless mezuzah has been found at a flea market. It’s currently at the Jewish Museum of Gotham City and Selina immediately steals it. Later, Batman shows up at her place and asks why she wants the mezuzah. She doesn’t give him much of an answer so he leaves. Pretty pointless scene I would say. A flashback reveals that a young Selina used to live with a Jewish lady. I dunno, I guess she’s a foster mother? And the woman liked Selina so much and considered her family so she gave her that mezuzah to pass it on to her own kids one day (even though Selina doesn’t want kids, is not related to the lady, and isn’t Jewish). Back to the present, Selina’s punishing a client. That prostitute background made an unwanted comeback for this story because Selina’s resisting and denying herself love so she’s “whoring”, to prove to herself how despicable she is. Okay...? There’s an inner turmoil going on, she’s torn between selling the artefact or not. Eventually, she decides to bring the mezuzah back to the lady she used to live with. The lady’s grown old and demented, lives in a home and is at the verge of dying. Selina places an envelop between the lady’s hands and leaves. The home’s director finds the envelop which contains the mezuzah, an official document which basically ensures that the lady will be taken care of before and after her death, and a poetic note from Selina.

My least favorite story out of them all - and that is quite an accomplishment when there are King and Nocenti in the same book! It had that Frank “I’m an insane sexist racist asshole” Miller prostitute bullshit in it and Selina hating herself again. This time, the “whoring” (and this word is not me, it’s from the actual story) is used as a way of self-punishment. Because it’s disgusting and wrong and Selina only does it to torture herself. Dunno if that’s the right message you wanna send here... The Jewish lady was kinda random to me because Selina’s not Jewish and never has been Jewish. This is not a negative point, it’s just so random. And the Batman scene was pointless, I have no idea what purpose it served. Except for showing us Batman pay Selina like a john and having Selina make jokes about “whoring.” Ugh.

The art was great, very clean.

1/10

Story #7: Born to Kiln by Chuck Dixon

Going from my least favorite to my favorite story in this book!

Catwoman knows there’s a diamond in a safe on a boat that is set to leave the harbour in the morning. So she climbs aboard at night to steal the gem. She finds several dead sailors and they’re all covered in mud. Who could have done this? Yes, you guessed right - it’s Clayface! He’s already at the safe, opens it, and retrieves the big stone. Catwoman reveals herself and aims a fire hose at him. Her confidence, however, dies the moment the hose doesn’t work. Clayface swallows the diamond and starts chasing after her. There’s apparently a machine to spray-paint cars on the boat so she lures him inside, activates the paint to blind him, and the hot lamps for the drying process immobilise the big pile of mud. Now that he’s nothing more than hard clay, Catwoman takes a wrench to him and takes the freed diamond.

FINALLY a story I really, really like from beginning to end! First off, IT’S PURPLE CATWOMAN!!! Selina is wearing my favorite costume, the iconic Jim Balent suit from her 90s solo run in this story - and I LOVE IT!!! Yeah, her boobs are quite loose in it and sometimes dangle in strange ways but fuck it! LOL I prefer hanging boobs over a tight corset that should reduce her agility or a back breaking pose anytime! We get sneaky Selina, we get playful Selina, we get over confident Selina who has to think fast and run even faster, and she gets what she wants in the end without killing anyone.

The art is gorgeous! It’s very fluid and alive. I also absolutely adore the cute facial expressions on Kitten’s face, especially when she locks Clayface in. I miss Catwoman being fun. In this, she’s just adorable and not sexualised at all.

8/10

Story #8: Conventional Wisdom by Will Pfeifer

Selina finds herself at a Bat Con and is supposed to give autographs. The whole scenario seems weird and confusing to her, she doesn’t remember how she got there or what is going on. Bruce, Joker, Riddler, and Two-Face being there with her to give autographs is even weirder. And why does no one except for her react to that unconscious, bloody man on the floor?! On her way to her panel, she runs into several cosplayers which is basically only fan service. But you will find the male, dark-skinned version of me at her panel, asking when the fuck she will finally put that 90s suit back on!!! The dialogues keep breaking the fourth wall, pointing out that this story is about to end. One of the panel’s attendees looks like Marvel’s Taskmaster and another is Selina herself in her Catwoman suit. Selina slowly remembers what happened: The Taskmaster dude is Doctor Destiny, she broke into his lair and stole his reality distorter, a little machine she’s been carrying around for the entire story. She smashes the machine to wake up back in the lair and cracks her knuckles, ready to take down Doctor Destiny and his goons.

And it was all a dream! That twist has never been a favorite of mine. Even though it’s not really a twist; you know immediately that it’s a dream. We don’t learn anything new about Selina or see anything Catwoman-y in this. It’s really basically fan service. They wanted Selina to see and interact with real life fans of hers so they made it happen. She also comments on various versions of her costume. It’s cute but kinda forgettable.

The art is good, it’s rare to see light and bright colors in a Catwoman book so it was a nice change. And the cosplayers looked nice. But they could have used different body types to make the fans more diverse and visually appealing.

3/10

Story #9: Addicted to Trouble by Ram V

And here we are, the premiere of the duo that will take over Catwoman’s current solo run from #23 onward. We get a first taste of the writing and art and I must say it’s a good taste.

This short story serves as a continuation of Joelle Jones’ #21 issue where at the end of the arc, Selina and her sister Maggie left Gotham in a purple car. So we see a short recap of how they got the car and where they were headed but unfortunately, the engine dies. They hitchhike to Memphis. Selina’s frustrated that Maggie doesn’t talk to her. They get drunk and start a fight at a bar. The cops show up and arrest them. While sitting in the back of the cop car, the girls start laughing together and steal the car. They leave behind their luggage which only contains stuff they won’t miss - including Selina’s cat funeral dress. They drive back to Gotham, Selina steals food and drinks on the way, and they cuddle on a rooftop overlooking the city. The story cuts to Selina and Leandro, a character I would know if I had continued the Jones run. She tells him she wants to lay low for a while and stay out of trouble. When he asks “Oh? Really?”, Selina throws a naughty smile towards the reader. Yeah yeah, lay low my ass. :D

First off, I have no idea what happened before the road trip, I don’t know why they took it or why Maggie doesn’t talk or what the purpose of all of this was because all they do is get drunk, fight an entire bar, and go back. No idea what that accomplished. And I feel sorry for the car because it was so gorgeous. Anyway, I am happy to say that Ram V has a great writing style! He gave a good voice to Selina, it sounded very natural and like a human would talk, no forced exposition or fake deepness.

The art was good, there were a few expressive faces and the bar fight was well executed.

5/10 (because I don’t know the context)

Story #10: The Art of Picking A Lock by Ed Brubaker

Instead of ending with a transition to the next Catwoman issue (which I would have preferred), the collection offers one more story and it’s written by the man who successfully handled the second half of Selina’s first solo run. He turned her stories more into the film noir direction and gave her sidekicks. The run also gave her a fugly suit and made her have sex with old men and Brubaker wanted to kill her off and have her not know who the father to her unborn child was so... yeah, I’m torn about that guy.

The last story shows us Catwoman breaking into a warehouse full of Joker goons while thinking about the thrill of breaking locks and how she learned how to do it when she was at a juvenile detention center. She beats them all up and demands to know where “he” is. Later, her friend Holly is on a motorcycle chasing after a cab while Catwoman is riding on top of a subway. Both reach Gotham’s harbor. We see that the cab is filled with Joker gas and the driver is laughing maniacally. Holly can’t reach the cab in time and it drives off into the water. Catwoman swings down and jumps after it. She breaks the trunk open and reveals a handcuffed Slam Bradley. Cut to the three back on dry land. Holly chides him for going after Joker alone and not waiting for backup. He admits that it was dumb, then shares intel on where Joker will strike and Selina should tell “her friend.” She says she will and Slam ends the book with the words that he could really use a cigarette. NO, this book was not that good that it would warrant a cigarette at the end!

This short obviously takes place during the second half of the first solo run. We see Catwoman in action, that’s cool. Taking down almost a dozen of armed Joker henchmen, that’s pretty badass! And a woman saves the man damsel in distress at the end, that’s a nice ending as well. However, I don’t care about the costume so the visual appeal wasn’t there and I really don’t care about Slam Bradley so the reveal at the end was pretty ugh to me.

The art is great! It’s like a modernised/smoother version of Darwyn Cooke’s style, the artist Brubaker worked on the Catwoman title in the 00s with. So that gives it a pretty nostalgic feel. 

5/10

In addition to the 10 stories we’ve now covered, there are pages to show off the Catwoman costumes of each decade as well as pinups. The costume pages are designed in the decade’s style (the 40s are black and white, the 60s psychedelic etc). But what I don’t get about the 90s one: It’s purple Catwoman grayed out in the background and gray BTAS Catwoman in color in the foreground - why make the purple outfit gray when you have an already gray outfit?! Just switch them! Also who put together the 70s one, couldn’t they find better costume examples?!

The seven pinups are pretty, unfortunately the majority feature the black outfits. I was surprised that even Tim Sale drew the black costume and not the purple one from his Long Halloween series. We get one of the gray BTAS costume and Jim Balent thankfully gives us BatCat with his purple creation. Nice!

Well, looking back at my personal scores for this collection of stories, Catwoman’s anniversary issue reached a total of 44/100 points in my book. Wow. That’s... not that good.

Most of the stories ranged from average to bad. Nothing spectacular, nothing memorable. There’s a lack of witty dialogue, Catwoman’s rarely fun to watch. In six stories she’s seen fighting, in three she’s seen being chased so I’m missing the variety here. I would assume you can do more with Catwoman than that. She often rather fights instead of using her wits and smarts. And actual cats are only featured in two stories but in one they die and in the other, Selina says she should drown them. -_- 

A collection of 10 new stories was a great idea but celebrating the character this is not. I’m happy that the next writer for Catwoman left a positive impression on me and the story feat. Balent’s Catwoman was a delight. However, the writers didn’t really bring their “A” game for this anniversary issue which is disappointing.

Would I recommend it? Hmmm. It pains me to say: not really, no. You don’t miss much by skipping it. You don’t miss sassy lines or breathtaking art, you don’t miss out on funny scenes or emotional depth. This anniversary issue is merely average and I highly doubt I’ll go back to reread it.

(a huge THANK YOU to everyone who read this entire, way too long post! i highly appreciate it 💜you’re a real trooper!)

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power S01E04 - Flowers for She-Ra

Is someone going to give She-Ra some flowers? Maybe Catra? Maybe a secret admirer? I'm not sure how literal these episode titles are so it could be something completely different. Maybe it's a weird "Flowers for Algernon" interpretation between She-Ra and Adora. I have no idea what's going to happen so let's do this!

That's incredibly pink after a life in a dark green barrack.

Of course, what habitable room _doesn't_ have a waterfall?

First you shower in the waterfall and then you use the three shells.

Oooh, the episode title _has_ to be about this flower princess.

Someone should _really_ give her some new clothes. I doubt walking around with the Horde symbol on her back is a good idea.

This show is a treasure that never stops giving.

Awesome. I mentioned last episode how Angella seemed to accept Adora only because of She-Ra and this really confirms it. She couldn't care less about Adora, it's all about the power she has (and Glimmer) and after this tiny glimpse into her past, it makes sense.

I mean, it already made sense considering they are at war with the Horde, but it makes _more_ sense since it's personal.

It looks like Catra wasn't the only one who liked sleeping in other people's beds.

I'm trying to put myself in her place and I _really_ can't. How much does Adora trust Glimmer to be able to fall asleep next to her like it's nothing?

I keep thinking about how wrong I was about Glimmer.

"Everyone else is dead. And you the horde killed them" Angella, probably.

Worldbuilding~

So, each kingdom has their own princess? Is Bright Moon just another kingdom or is it somehow special (besides being the base of the rebellion)? I thought Princess was just a title (with Glimmer being both a Magical Princess and a "Daughter of the Queen" Princess) so this is new.

Someone has to do the kingdom's accounting, Bow.

...that's angella's seat, isn't it?

Oh. That's definitely worse.

It's like Angella doesn't even know what the show is about. _Of course_ they are going to engage the horde.

In-universe She-Ra fanart. This is amazing.

Hey, I didn't expect Catra to be so honest about her feelings.

And she really cares about Shadow Weaver. Enough to try and help her.

I love these tiny details.

But _can_ Adora stay as She-Ra as long as she want? This feels like the start of another episode about limits.

She-Ra. Fourth episode and already breaking hearts.

I try not to take screenshots every time I laugh or I'd just screenshot the entire show but look at this!

I feel that info shouldn't be offered so lightly, even to She-Ra

Oh, she's one of those.

Was Shadow Weaver a princess? Or maybe she stole the source of power of a princess? Hm.

Or maybe not, considering Hordak says _he_ gave Shadow Weaver her powers. But I think she knows more than she's telling, did she know about Adora's potential and destiny? Was she trying to protect her or trying to get her powers for herself?

oh god this place is cursed if they have _party_ kale

The more Bow talks the more I like him. Big Sokka energy, if he had been likable from the start.

No pressure! Also the subtitles are really selling short what Perfuma wants.

It wouldn't surprise me if that's the actual plot of an episode from the 80s original

I mean, it's something.

Forget about the sociopathic horse, _that's_ the magical pet she should have.

I'd be a lot more surprised than Glimmer here. Can She-Ra transform _anything_ into rainbows?

“Someone punched so many trees that our ecosystem is dying.”

Finally!

I really like this. Adora has strengths that She-Ra doesn't have, that no one in any of the kingdoms have. She _knows_ the Horde and she can use that to her advantage. Who needs She-Ra when you have the perfect spy? I'm sure they'll need her later on to kick some ass but this is a good start to re-build Adora's confidence.

Oh well, it couldn't work perfectly the first time.

"Warchimes"? I'm dying here

Huh. I expected this from Glimmer, having magic powers and all, but even Bow seems to have zero endurance. Another advantage that only Adora has, having trained her entire life.

And this is how Perfuma discovers she loves killing people.

I find it a bit disturbing that the soldiers sound like kids. I was mostly joking last episode when I mentioned child soldiers but it doesn't look like I was wrong.

Hitting things really hard with a sword, the one sure way to heal things.

Ooh, mystery lore.

LOL. Nothing like the promise of more violence to move things along.

It's just phase! Ah, the memories. Who wasn't a superhero for a month or two in their youth?

Well, that's creepy.

* clunk *

Aww, this is so cute.

---

It looks like things are slowing down to start introducing the... wow, there are a lot of princesses in the OP.

Perfuma was... okay. At the very least she's funny and she seems to have learned the lesson about having to do things to make them happen so that's good.

That leaves four more characters, plus Spinnerella and Netossa who are a mystery. And the crab lady. That's... 5 episodes? That seems okay, spending the first half of the season introducing everyone while doing double duty giving Adora (and probably Glimmer and Bow) more depth.

The glimpse at Adora's insecurities was interesting. Anyone would prefer to be their super powerful other self, especially when everyone else _already_ loves that alter-ego. Adora gave up everything to join the rebellion but that means nothing to all who have lost loved ones because of the Horde. I wonder if they'll continue exploring how Adora seemed willing to give up even herself by staying as She-Ra.

Something else that caught my attention was Shadow Weaver. Rather, Shadow Weaver's interest in Adora. She didn't seem to know about She-Ra until she saw the recordings but I wonder why she's so interested in her. Is it just a corrupted sense of love? They act a lot like a family. Which makes sense considering Shadow Weaver seems to have adopted both Catra and She-Ra when they were young, but it's still surprising. That entire dynamic is just drama waiting to happen (and chances are I'm going to love it when it does happen.)

- Are the people at Bright Moon going to think Adora is a spy thanks to the "Shadow Spies" finding out about their plans?

- Of all the princesses in the OP, I really like the mechanic's design. I hope her intro episode is soon.

I think that's all, until next time!

[mhisadj]

For better or for worse, I have a job that is exempt - to a great degree - from the widespread need for isolation (in the world of news radio, the show must go on). However, I do get days off and thank goodness for that because my brain can only take so much constant pandemic talk.

So! I offer up ‘the ultimate music list’, something I started doing on YouTube last year. Maybe earlier. It’s a living list, it will never be complete. Anyway, listen to the way my music mind rambles! All songs listed on the other side of the keep reading line (not linked, you gotta do some of the work):

Seinabo Sey - I Owe You Nothing Janelle Monáe – Django Jane Janelle Monáe - PYNK Janelle Monáe – Make Me Feel Sudan Archives - Come Meh Way Sudan Archives - Come Meh Way & Wake Up | A Take Away Show St. Beauty - Not Discuss It Japanese Breakfast - Boyish St. Beauty - Caught Kali Uchis - After The Storm ft. Tyler, The Creator, Bootsy Collins Kali Uchis - Tomorrow (ft. Tame Impala) Kali Uchis - Dead To Me Kali Uchis - Body Language (Intro) Kali Uchis - Just A Stranger Kali Uchis - In My Dreams Kali Uchis - Flight 22 Sigrid - Strangers King Princess - 1950 Sigrid - Don’t Kill My Vibe Sigrid - Plot Twist Moonchild - The List Amber Mark - Way Back The Internet - Girl DeJ Loaf - Changes Erykah Badu - Window Seat Erykah Badu - Afro Blue M.I.A. - Matangi M.I.A. - Double Bubble Trouble M.I.A. - Paper Planes A Tribe Called Red - The Light II Ft. Lido Pimienta A Tribe Called Red - Sisters ft Northern Voice PRINCESS NOKIA - BRUJAS PRINCESS NOKIA - TOMBOY Solange - Cranes in the Sky Solange - Don't Touch My Hair ft. Sampha SZA - Broken Clocks SZA - Drew Barrymore SZA - Go Gina SZA - Prom SZA - Pretty Little Birds Sade - Flower of the Universe Sade - The Sweetest Taboo Sade - Paradise Sade - Turn My Back On You Sade - Smooth Operator Sade - Cherish the Day Erykah Badu - On & On Jill Scott - A Long Walk Erykah Badu - Tyrone (Live) Janelle Monáe - I Like That Christine and the Queens - Girlfriend Humble the Poet - H.A.I.R. Lush - Desire Lines Lush - Never-Never Rachel Sermanni 'Take Me Out' - Franz Ferdinand Cover Memory House - When You Sleep (Yours Truly Session) Sumner McKane - The Turncoat Nothing Matters When We’re Dancing - The Magnetic Fields (Sense8 Remix) (feat. Zoe Wise) Julia Holter - I Shall Love 2 Dua Lipa - New Rules [Initial Talk 80s Rules Remix] Lady Gaga - Venus (80s Synthwave Version) Ruelle - Take It All Kraak & Smaak Ft. Parcels - Stumble Calvin Harris, Dua Lipa - One Kiss Timecop1983 - Girl (feat. SEAWAVES) Aretha Franklin - Mary, Don't You Weep (Live at New Temple Missionary Baptist Church, Los Angeles, January 14, 1972) Sarah Vaughan - Misty (Live from Sweden) Ellie Goulding - My Blood (Kastle Remix) Darksynth Paradise - A NewRetroWave Mix | 1 Hour | Retrowave/ Darkwave/ Electro | Sudan Archives - Nont For Sale Christine and the Queens - 5 dollars Christine and the Queens - Doesn’t matter Christine and the Queens - The walker Christine and the Queens - Damn (what must a woman do) Christine and the Queens - Goya soda Christine and the Queens - The stranger Lone - Poltergeist Screamin’ Jay Hawkins - I Hear Voices Lost Years - Pressure Windows 95 Start-up remix Windows 95 Startup Sound (Slowed 4000%) Seoul - Silencer Blackwater Holylight - Willow Her's - Low Beam Here We Go Magic - Alone But Moving John Maus - Bennington AC Temple - Yield Lana del Rey - Summertime Sadness (SxAde Synthwave Version) Ariana Grande - "Into You"  80′s Remix Demi Lovato - Cool for the Summer   80′s Remix Fifth Harmony - Sledgehammer   80′s Remix Lady Gaga - Perfect Illusion   80s Remix Ariana Grande - Greedy [Initial Talk "90s state of mind" Remix] Happy Hippie Presents: Miley Cyrus & Ariana Grande - Don't Dream It's Over Mariah Carey - Touch My Body [Initial Talk 90s Splash! Remix] Dua Lipa - IDGAF (Initial Talk Remix) 憂鬱 - Sun Lady Gaga - Joanne (Where Do You Think You’re Goin’?) Robyn - Honey Dolly Parton - Here You Come Again Floating Points - Nuits Sonores Sade - The Big Unknown Amanda Shires - Leave It Alone Crockett - City of Ghosts [Full Album] Toni Harper - "The Velvet Hammer" (stereo), 1959 Cristina - "Things Fall Apart" Dexter Gordon - What’s New Warren Zevon - Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead - Rochester, 1994 Le1f - Wut Katie Herzig - Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These) Raymond Scott - "Boy Scout In Switzerland" - Quartet San Francisco (arranged by Robert Gilmore) Jan A.P. Kaczmarek - Aimee & Jaguar Main Theme Toni Harper - "The Other Woman"  Toni Harper - The meaning of the blues Vanessa - Upside Down Anna Ternheim - Summer Rain feat. Nina Kinert, Ane Brun, First Aid Kit and Ellekari Larsson of The Tiny Ella Fitzgerald & Bill Doggett ~ Rough Ridin' Eraldo Bernocchi, Harold Budd,Robin Guthrie - South Of Heaven (Winter Garden) Slum Village - Fall in Love (Instrumental) Shonen Knife - Twist Barbie Dave Berry - This Strange Effect Sarah Harmer - Basement Apartment The Original Stroll - February 1958 Gertrude Lawrence - My Sweet Gustav HOLST: St. Paul's Suite (III. Intermezzo, IV. Finale) Rumskib - Secrets Caterina Valente - Stranger In Paradise Borodin - Prince Igor - Polovtsian Dances Darshan Ambient - Mirage Girl Crisis - Smooth Operator Girl Crisis - Paranoid Mulatu Astatke's "Mulatu" Vivien Goldman - Launderette Jonatha Brooke - West Point Lesley Gore - You Don’t Own Me Matthew Schoening - Emotional Clockwork Molly Nilsson - Hey Moon Kate Bush - Cloudbusting (The Organon Mix re-edit) Stravinsky conducts Stravinsky FIREBIRD COMPLETE The Carter Family - Wildwood Flower Grimes - Vanessa Kenneth Bager Fr. one (...and I kept hearing) Land of Talk - It’s Okay Nite Jewel - Artificial Intelligence Geneva Jacuzzi - Clothes On the Bed Thom Yorke & Jonny Greenwood - Karma Police | Glastonbury Festival, Pilton UK (8/9) Maps of Norway - Traffic Simian Mobile Disco - Cruel Intentions Aerosmith - Crazy Bruce Kaphan - Undeserved Ending The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart - "Everything With You" Thao with the Get Down Stay Down - Body Janelle Monae - "Tightrope" 5/18 Letterman Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler Ladyhawke - My Delirium Marion Cotillard & Franz Ferdinand - Eyes of Mars Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch (live) Kate Bush - Army Dreamers Tegan and Sara - Living Room Kate Bush - Cloudbusting Beatrice Eli - Girls NewRetroWave End of 2017 Mix - (The Future Beckons) - [80s/ Retrowave/ Outrun/ Retro Electro] Vaporwave / Chillwave - Ultimate Mix The Chordettes "Lollipop" & "Mr. Sandman" Sufjan Stevens - Tonya Harding Taylor Davis - Stranger Things Violin Medley STRANGER THINGS MEETS CLASSICAL GUITAR Grace Sings Sludge - Difficult To Love Satchmode - Happiness Part 1 River Whyless - Life Crisis Stefano Barone - Batman - Alexander Supertramp Bebel Gilberto - "Aganjú"(Ao Vivo) - Bebel Gilberto In Rio Katie Melua - Diamonds are Forever  Carly Rae Jepsen - Run Away With Me Beulahbelle - You Only Live Twice (Living Room Version) Grimes - We Appreciate Power Meshell Ndegeocello - Sensitivity Kodacrome - Buckets Röyksopp - Remind Me Lizzo - Juice Lizzo - Truth Hurts Lizzo - Good As Hell Electrelane - To the East Electrelane - I only always think Sean Paul - Get Busy 憂鬱 - Azure Day (Full EP) 憂鬱 - Slow Suzanne Vega - Luka | The story behind the song Seoul - Real June Broken Social Scene on House of Strombo Show Big Boi’s Favorite Verse: Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill” Cherry Glazerr - Nurse Ratched  Jan A.P. Kaczmarek - Aimée & Jaguar Mister Rogers Remixed | Garden of Your Mind Grant Green - Idle Moments Hole Reunion after 15 yrs. Teeth - Care Bear ST. VINCENT covers BIG BLACK at BOWERY BALLROOM NYC May 22 2011 Broadcast - Man is not a bird (Teac A-4010 s Reel to Reel) Billy May - So Nice (Samba De Verão) Pogo - Mellow Brick Road Anna Calvi - Jezebel (Attic Sessions 5) Anna Calvi - Joan Of Arc (Attic Sessions 4) Anna Calvi - Surrender (Attic Sessions 3) Anna Calvi - Sound & Vision (Attic Sessions 1) Anna Calvi - Wolf Like Me (Attic Sessions 2) Clementine - ALL BLUES Skip James - Hard Time Killin’ Floor Blues Anna Calvi - Suzanne And I Total Slacker - Thyme Traveling High School Dropout Siouxsie & The Banshees- Metal (Elizabethan Suite 1977) Second Chorus (Charlie North Remix) The Castaways - Liar Liar Alex Gaudino Feat. Christal Waters - Destination Calabria Loose Ends - Hangin’ On a String Pizzicato Five - The Audrey Hepburn Complex Edie Brickell & New Bohemians - What I Am The Bangles - Walk Like an Egyptian The Human League - Love Action (I Believe In Love) The Human League - Don’t You Want Me The Human League - (Keep Feeling) Fascination Wang Chung - Dance Hall Days PJ Harvey - Hanging in the Wire PJ Harvey - Rid Of Me PJ Harvey & Thom Yorke - This Mess We’re In PJ Harvey - We Float PJ Harvey - This Wicked Tongue PJ Harvey - A Place Called Home The Sundays - Here’s Where The Story Ends Flock of Seagulls - Space Age Love Song The Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way Hall & Oates - Out of Touch Hall & Oates - I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do) Toto - Rosanna Toto - Africa Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels Philip Bailey, Phil Collins - Easy Lover Spandau Ballet - True Tears For Fears - Shout Sigrid - Don’t Feel Like Crying Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark - Souvenir The Jesus and Mary Chain - April Skies The Ocean Blue - Between Something and Nothing No Joy - Hollywood Teeth Tamaryn - Last Tamaryn - Softcore Tamaryn - Cranekiss Ashrae Fax - CHKN Echo & the Bunnymen - A Promise Ashrae Fax - Intexus The Motels - Only the Lonely Other Colors - Dark Things Bauhaus - All We Ever Wanted Was Everything George Clanton - It Makes the Babies Want to Cry Ben Howard - Nica Libres At Dusk Elton John - Bennie and the Jets Elton John - Don't Go Breaking My Heart (with Kiki Dee) David Bowie - Life On Mars? 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Sings David Bowie - Heroes Kishi Bashi - This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) Talking Heads - This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) The 6ths - You You You You You Squirrel Nut Zippers "Put A Lid On It" Joni Mitchell - Help Me Pat Metheny, Joni Mitchell, Jaco Pastorius, Michael Brecker - "Shadows And Light" Joni Mitchell - All I Want Joni Mitchell - Free Man In Paris Joni Mitchell - California Joni Mitchell - In France They Kiss On Main Street Joni Mitchell - Amelia Joni Mitchell - People’s Parties Joni Mitchell - For the Roses Joni Mitchell - The Hissing of Summer Lawns Joni Mitchell - Black Crow Joni Mitchell - Hejira Joni Mitchell - Coyote Joni Mitchell w/Peter Gabriel - My Secret Place Joni Mitchell - Down To You Joni Mitchell - Refuge of the Roads Joni Mitchell - Slouching Towards Bethlehem  Joni Mitchell - Shades of Scarlet Conquering Joni Mitchell - Cool Water (with Willie Nelson) Joni Mitchell - The Jungle Line Joni Mitchell - Song For Sharon Joni Mitchell - Cold Blue Steel and Sweet Fire Joni Mitchell - Night Ride Home Joni Mitchell - Taming the Tiger Joni Mitchell - Snakes & Ladders Joni Mitchell - Raised on Robbery Joni Mitchell - Jericho Joni Mitchell - Lakota Joni Mitchell - The Beat of Black Wings Joni Mitchell - You Turn Me On I’m A Radio (Live) The Delfonics - Ready or Not Here I Come Funkadelic - Maggot Brain Incredible Bongo Band - Apache The Stylistics - People Make The World Go Round Manual - Crockett’s Theme Jessica Pratt - This Time Around Jessica Pratt - Poly Blue Jessica Pratt - Baby, Back Jessica Pratt - Aeroplane Tony Allen - Stick Around Basia - Promises Basia - New Day For You Basia - Cruising For Bruising Basia - Drunk On Love Basia - Third Time Lucky America - Tin Man Weyes Blood - Andromeda Ladytron - Far From Home Ladytron - Deadzone Ladytron - The Island St. Vincent & Dua Lipa | Masseduction / One Kiss | 2019 GRAMMYs Janelle Monáe - Make Me Feel (LIVE at the 61st GRAMMYs) Still Corners - The Trip Still Corners - Strange Pleasures FM-84 - Bend & Break Robyn - Send To Robin Immediately The Ultimate Kate Bush Experience - Shambush Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill Kate Bush - Hounds of Love [Full Album] Kate Bush - Babooshka Kate Bush - The Sensual World Kate Bush - Hammer Horror Kate Bush - Love and Anger Katie Lee - Stay as Sick as You Are America - You Can Do Magic Blonde Redhead - Magic Mountain Harry Nilsson - Gotta Get Up In These Streets Lorelle Meets the Obsolete - Unificado Sneaks - Ecstasy Linear Movement - Way Out Of Living Alex Lilly - Pornographic Mind Caribou - Melody Day (Four Tet Remix feat. Luke Lalonde Adem and One Little Plane) Def Leppard - Hysteria Sigrid - Sight of You The Charlie Steinmann Orchestra And Singers - It's Such a Good Night (Scoobidoo Love) Alice Coltrane - Blue Nile Les McCann - Roberta Pharoah Sanders - Astral Travelling  Pure Bathing Culture - Scotty Jamila Woods - EARTHA Patricia Barber - Too Rich For My Blood Mary Jane Girls - All Night Long LL Cool J - Around the Way Girl Keep Shelly In Athens - Bendable Absolute Jest: I. Beginning · John Adams · San Francisco Symphony · St. Lawrence String Quartet · Michael Tilson Thomas Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule the World Futurecop! - Fade Away (feat. NINA) Steve Gunn - New Moon Moving Panoramas - ADD Heart Elizabeth Barraclough - Don’t TV Me Klymaxx - Meeting In the Ladies Room Salt Cathedral - Go and Get It feat. Big Freedia & Jarina DeMarco Brian Eno - Ambient 1: Music for Airports [Full Album] Calexico and Iron & Wine - Midnight Sun Cate Le Bon - The Light Cate Le Bon - Daylight Matters Jack White at Château de Fontainebleau I A Take Away Show Tammy Wynette - Your Good Girl’s Gonna Go Bad Stella Donnelly - Die Portishead - Sour Times Portishead at Roseland New York City Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cheated Hearts Warpaint - Disco//Very - Keep It Healthy  Jessica Pratt - Fare Thee Well Jessica Pratt - Here My Love Alvvays - Saved By A Waif Alvvays - Dreams Tonite Alvvays - Forget About Life Alvvays - Plimsoll Punks Tame Impala - Patience Godzilla: Old Rivals - Bear McCreary( Godzilla: King of Monsters Soundtrack) Alloy Tracks - Somewhere Over the Rainbow | Godzilla: King of the Monsters (Beautiful Trailer Theme) Girl Crisis - The Sign Siouxsie and the Banshees - Captain Scarlet Boards of Canada - Macquarie Ridge Tōth - Practice Magic And Seek Professional Help When Necessary (Full Album) Wyatt - Attention Fontaines D.C. - Hurricane Laughter (Darklands Version) Matthew and the Atlas - Counting Paths Matthew and the Atlas - Old Ceremony Sufjan Stevens - Love Yourself Computer Magic - Hudson Grizzly Bear - Mourning Sound Lana Del Rey - Doin Time Chastity Belt - Trapped Kero Kero Bonito - Make Believe Eberhard Weber - T. On A White Horse Endre Hegedus - VI. Golliwogg's Cake-Walk, Debussy: Children's Corner / Suite Bergamasque LCD Soundsystem - oh baby Dominique Young Unique - Throw It Down Leikeli47 - Money Santigold - Look At These Hoes Handsome Boy Modeling School - Holy Calamity (Bear Witness II) Perfume Genius - Slip Away DJ Shadow - "Nobody Speak" feat. Run The Jewels St. Vincent - Fast Slow Disco Marion Cotillard and Metronomy - Is She Really Going Out With Him Patti Smith - Gloria King Princess - Cheap Queen Ingrid Michaelson - Best Friend Kindness - Hard To Believe Kim Petras - Clarity Kim Petras - Another One Cowboy Junkies - Dreaming My Dreams With You Rihanna - Same Ol’ Mistakes Screaming Trees - Nearly Lost You Sailors of Neptune - Car Song Photay - Outré Lux (feat. Madison McFerrin) Ella Fitzgerald - I’ll Never Be The Same Timecop1983 - My First Crush (feat. Trevor Something) Toro Y Moi - Cola The Cinematic Orchestra - Wait For Now/Leave The World (feat. Tawiah) Charli XCX & Christine and the Queens - Gone Hayley Kiyoko - I Wish Jambalaya Brass Band - Tumbao Frosty and the Diamonds - Destination Mars Plumb - Blush (Only You) Evanescence - Anywhere Courtney Barnett - Avant Gardener Christine and the Queens - Need You Tonight (INXS Cover) Dua Lipa - Be The One (80's Power Ballad Remix) Bomba Estéreo - Corazón Zola Jesus - Wiseblood (Johnny Jewel Remix) The Bangles - Going Down To Liverpool Trills - Hush King Princess - Prophet Emily Wells - I’m No Heroine Ariel Pink - Bubblegum Dreams Missy Elliott - Throw It Back Missy Elliott Performs 'Get Ur Freak On', 'Lose Control' & More | 2019 Video Music Awards Miranda Lambert - Way Too Pretty for Prison Miranda Lambert - The House That Built Me Miranda Lambert - We Should Be Friends Miranda Lambert - Mama’s Broken Heart Maya Hawke - To Love a Boy Flowers (Eurydice's Song) - (Anaïs Mitchell - Hadestown) Young Ejecta • Welcome To Love Kelis - Bossy ft. Too $hort Lindsay Lohan - Bossy Natalie Cole - Lush Life Grimes & i_o - Violence The Highwomen - Redesigning Women Lana Del Rey - Season Of The Witch Anita Carter - Ring of Fire Jack Hylton - Wedding of the Painted Doll Earth, Wind, and Fire - Fantasy DJ Boring - Winona DJ Boring - Goodbye Michael Rob Reich - Shimmytown Shuffle Sarah Vaughan - Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most King Princess - Playboy School of Pop Broken Social Scene - Anthems For A Seventeen-Year Old Girl Jenny Hval - Lions (feat. Vivian Wang) Minny Riperton - Les Fleurs Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov ‒ Procession of the Nobles Firebird - 13. Infernal Dance Of All Of Kashchei's Subjects Kylie Minogue - Dancing Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - All Hail Dracula! Jana Hunter | You Belong Here Bat For Lashes - The Hunger Bat For Lashes - Laura Zero 7 - Swimmers Tame Impala - It Might Be Time Hannah Williams & The Affirmations - Woman Got Soul Galantis & Dolly Parton - Faith feat. Mr. Probz The KLF - 3am Eternal The KLF feat. Tammy Wynette - Justified & Ancient Pet Shop Boys - What Have I Done To Deserve This Pet Shop Boys - Always On My Mind Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls Til Tuesday - Voices Carry St. Vincent - Laughing With A Mouth of Blood Spice Girls - 2 Become 1 Tennis - Runner Giles Reaves - ‎"Sowelu (Wholeness)" Taeko Ohnuki - Sunshower (Full Album) 80s Japanese Fusion Summer Mix (Fusion Jazz, City Pop, Funk, Soul...) Tamaryn - Dreaming The Dark (Full Album) Swing Out Sister - Breakout Ayane Yamazaki - 眠りの理由 "Women Of Country Performance" | Live from CMA Awards 2019 Reba McEntire - "Fancy" | Live from CMA Awards 2019 Seal - Crazy Seal - Violet Tame Impala - Posthumous Forgiveness Richard Wagner - The Flight of the Valkyries The Black Angels - Yellow Elevator #2 Bonnie Raitt - Unnecessarily Mercenary Norah Jones - Flipside Genesis Owusu - WUTD Lana Del Rey - Mariners Apartment Complex 10,000 Hz Legend - Don’t Be Light Air Miami - See Through Plastic Kitchens Of Distinction - Margaret's Injection Sebastian Böhm - Blue Monday (Official "Wonder Woman 1984" Trailer Music) Primitons - All My Friends Heavens To Betsy – Waitress Hell Romania - Planes Dionne Farris - I Know CeCe Peniston - Finally Robin S - Show Me Love La Bouche - Be My Lover Stilz - Wavelength Tennis - Need Your Love The Fixx - One Thing Leads To Another The Fixx - Saved By Zero The Fixx - Red Skies The Fixx - Stand Or Fall Kajagoogoo - Too Shy Nik Kershaw - Wouldn't It Be Good Howard Jones - Like To Get To Know You Well Jane Child - Don't Wanna Fall In Love Information Society - What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) Icehouse - No Promises The Spiral Starecase - More Today Than Yesterday Caroline Rose - Feel The Way I Want Frank & His Sisters - Mwanangu Lala KIRLIAN CAMERA - Blue Room Look Blue Go Purple | Cactus Cat Look Blue Go Purple | Circumspect Penelope Look Blue Go Purple - I Don't Want You Anyway The Bats | North By North Best Coast - Everything Has Changed Best Coast  - For The First Time War And Peace / Gab Is Stabbed · Joseph LoDuca Tashaki Miyaki - I Only Have Eyes for You (the Flamingos cover - Little Big Planet 3 OST) Angel Olsen - Who’s Sorry Now Anna Calvi - Love of my life | Empty Space #5 The Flamingos - I Only Have Eyes For You Supergrass - Moving Supergrass - Late In the Day Supergrass - Richard III Panda Bear - Sequential Circuits Computer Magic - Be Fair Computer Magic - Fuzz Computer Magic - Spaces The Amazing - Tell Them You Can’t Leave Anna Calvi - Hunter Anna Calvi - Swimming Pool Carly Simon - Nobody Does It Better Duran Duran - Rio Duran Duran - Save A Prayer Duran Duran - My Own Way Anna Calvi - Eden Anna Calvi - Indies or Paradise She & Him - I Can Hear Music Soloist Mari Silje Samuelsen - Antonio Vivaldi - "Summer" from four seasons Vivaldi Four Seasons: "Winter" (L'Inverno), complete; Cynthia Freivogel, Voices of Music  Para One · Arthur Simonini-La Jeune Fille en Feu (Bande originale du film) Agnes Obel - The Curse (Berlin Live Session) St. Vincent - Los Ageless Billie Ellish - No Time To Die King Princess - Hit The Back (Dance Video) Men I Trust - Show Me How Lady Gaga - Stupid Love Agnes Obel - Fuel To Fire Beach House - Space Song Sufjan Stevens - Visions of Gideon Agnes Obel - Broken Sleep snarls - Walk In the Woods Dixie Chicks - Not Ready to Make Nice (Live from MMXVI Tour) Dixie Chicks - Gaslighter Conspiracy of Owls - "Ancient Robots" Conspiracy of Owls - A Silver Song Sigrid - Home To You Tierra Whack – Unemployed Jenny Hval - Accident Caroline Polachek - So Hot You're Hurting My Feelings

[rike-with-love]

Melody of our Hearts (chapter 4)

Pairings: Okikagu, Gintsu (minor), Takaban (minor)

Rating: M for mature content, bad language, fluff, light angst, enemies to friends to lovers

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gintama or it’s characters, Sorachi Hideaki does. I only own this story.

Chapter 4

<- Previous chapter ~~ Next Chapter ->

Her chest was heaving heavily. She could feel every beat of her heart pound like a jungle drum against her rib cage. With every passing second, with every new pump of her pulse, Kagura slowly realized what was going to happen in the next five minutes.

She heard the upbeat background music coming from the speakers. Just five minutes and it would be her song playing out there. Kagura stood at the steps, waiting for Otae to tell her when it was time - time to take the stage.

The day had finally arrived for the outdoor concert. The very first time the idols of YE were performing live.

Kagura felt ready, but nervous. She pulled the sleeves down from her red off-shoulder shirt. The sleeves kept rising whenever she moved too much, annoying her greatly. Normally that didn't bother Kagura at all, but right now her nerves were getting to her.

She knew her words, she knew her steps. Now all she had to do was to relax. Well, easier said than done, she thought and breathed deeply to control her heart better.

Kagura jumped a bit as she felt a hand softly touch her bare shoulder. She turned to look at the person behind her. It was Otsu and the rest of the Sugar Addicts.

The groups wardrobe was like an explosion of color. They all had tight shorts and a loose shirt that revealed one shoulder. The outfits were identical but each member had their own color.

Otsu had yellow, Minty had blue, Ruby had red, Yunah had purple and Soyeon had pink. Tsukki had suggested that with the crazy colorful clothes, they obviously had to have showstopping make-up and hair.

They had their hair braided tightly, but differently from one another. Nude lips and tight eyeliner. They looked like a very memorable and cohesive group in Kagura's eyes and she was sure that many fans would feel the same way.

”Hi guys,” Kagura said and smiled shyly.

Otsu gave Kagura an encouraging smile. ”You're going to be great Gura,” she said, seeing the slight anxiousness from Kagura's ocean blue eyes.

Just those few words eased Kagura's mind a lot. She knew Otsu was her friend through thick and thin. They didn't have to agree on everything to be real friends. Not even a man like S could get between them.

They had talked about the whole S thing on the night before the concert. Kagura had apologized and Otsu had brushed off the whole thing as small and meaningless. They simply agreed to disagree on the matter of stanning S.

”We know you can do it Gura!” Minty said to Kagura.

”Give them a taste of what we YE girls are made of”, Soyeon said to Kagura's surprise.

She seemed sincere with her words of encouragement rather than snide. Then again, Soyeon was an out-spoken person, she said what was in her heart, no matter the person or situation and Kagura respected that about her. Maybe someday they both could get along better.

It felt empowering for Kagura to feel the support of her colleagues. ”Thank you...I really appreciate it,” she said, getting warm smiles in return.

”You look so cute in that outfit,” Ruby pointed out, touching Kagura's black skirt a bit.

”Ah, I'm not as stunning as you all, but this will do”, Kagura said and giggled with the girls. They were all gorgeous, only a blind person could deny it.

Otae came to the backstage with a box in her hands. ”It's almost time,” she said and walked to the girls.

Kagura gulped at Otae's words. This was finally it.

Otae opened up the box and handed everyone a headset microphones. It sure was easier to move and sing with a headset than a regular microphone.

”Kawakami and Shinpachi are handling all the technical aspects and if something goes wrong, they'll inform you through the headset,” Otae began. ”I'm going out there first to welcome the audience.”

All the girls nodded in unison, they were ready to go whenever Otae was.

”And as you all know, Gura is up first, then Sugar addicts and lastly Eli & Zura”, Otae said and walked right next to Kagura who was still standing on the steps. ”Oh right, if you want to observe each other performing, Kawakami and Shinpachi have monitors.”

With those last words, Otae stepped to the stage. All six girls looked at each other and hurried together to Kawakami and Shinpachi. Eli & Zura were already there, looking like they came straight from the 80s.

Zura had a green headband, green track suit with yellow, purple and pink stripe details. His long black hair was styled to look like a funny mullet. No-matter how much Tsukki fought with him, Zura adamantly kept the questionable mullet.

Eli had a snow-white suit and white shoes. He gladly gave most of the color attention to his counter-part. He was just happy to have his orange synthesizer with him.

”Hey girls,” Shinpachi greeted from his spot.

”Shinpachi, please stay focused,” Bansai said calmly. He seemed to be very focused on the monitors, maybe even a little anxious by the way he was tapping his foot. It was a big responsibility to handle all the music and microphones on a live concert after all. Kagura couldn't remember another time she saw him like that.

Bansai was actually a very hard person to read. He had his sunglasses on everywhere, so his voice was pretty much the only thing to give out his emotions.

Bansai was looking at his monitor, fingers ready on specific buttons, his signature yin jang styled headphones plugged into his laptop and one foot still tapping steadily against the floor.

His emerald-green spiky hair was bobbing with his foot's settle movement, amusing Kagura into smiling widely. It was quite calming to see that she wasn't the only one feeling so tense about the concert.

”We trust you Kawakami-nim,” Kagura said to reassure the poor man.

Bansai glanced at Kagura briefly and his foot stopped tapping. It was like he connected all the dots in a matter of seconds. He realized that Kagura saw through his calm demeanor and that was the last thing he wanted.  

”Thank you for the trust Gura, but I'm just a man behind the scene,” Bansai said with his low voice. He hid his nerves pretty well to be honest.

”Oi Kawakami-niiiiiim!” Soyeon said in a high-pitched voice and leaned her chin on his shoulder. Bansai jumped a bit at the unexpected gesture. ”You are much more than a man behind the scenes.”

Before Bansai could say or do anything at all, all five members of the Sugar Addicts were hugging him. His musical skills were on another level, but he was also a very good vocal mentor. So naturally he was loved by pretty much everyone.

Bansai grunted and tried to hide his fluster. ”I need to focus now...” he muttered, secretly feeling somewhat happy about the amount of adoration he received. Still, it made the feeling bitter-sweet. Bansai appreciated the love he got from the young idols, but the love he truly desired was out of his reach.

As the girls gave Bansai his personal space back, Shinpachi puffed his cheeks a little. ”Hey, what about me?” Shinpachi asked, feeling severely left-out.

”Oh stop being so dramatic, yes,” Kagura teased. Shinpachi rolled his eyes and returned to look at his monitors.

”Okay, Otae is on the stage now,” Shinpachi informed.

”I'm turning on her microphone”, Bansai said.

Kagura watched from the screens as Otae began waving her hand for the audience. She looked really beautiful in her yellow kimono. She sometimes liked to wear clothes from her original culture and she sure looked like an elegant Japanese lady in her attire.

”Hello! Welcome everyone to Yorozuya Entertainment's first ever, outdoor concert!” Otae announced.

The applauses could be heard by everyone in the backstage. If Kagura thought her heart was pounding earlier, well, now it was really hitting hard.

”I want to thank you all for coming today and I think we are ready for our first performer,” Otae said and smiled. ”Please enjoy the very first idol of Yorozuya Entertainment, Gura!”

”That's your cue Gura,” Shinpachi said without taking his eyes off the screen.

”Good luck out there”, Zura said to her.

Kagura gave a firm nod to Shinpachi and proceeded to strut confidently to the steps, ready to amaze everyone. She took a deep breath and made her way through the curtain.

* *

The first things Kagura saw was the lush greenery around the park, the amount of sunlight pouring through the syringa's branches and all the people in front of the stage. The crowd wasn't that large, but Kagura felt grateful for every single one who came to see the concert.

The stage was surrounded by a security fence. Gintoki stood next to the metal fence, eyes beaming of joy as he saw Kagura take the stage. Her step was confident, every ounce of nervousness she felt before started to fade away.

The people began to cheer in excitement of the beautiful red-head who stopped to stand in the middle of the stage. Her smile was wide and the warm sun on her cheeks brightened her naturally pale skin. Absolutely nothing could go wrong, that's how good she felt right at that moment.

The cheering quieted down, giving her a moment of silence to speak.

”The song I'm going to sing for you...it's my very first one,” Kagura said and felt almost emotional saying it out loud. Everything felt so real, but yet so unbelievable.

”This is Time is Precious – I hope you enjoy it,” she said proudly. After her words the song started to play. The intro lasted for a couple of seconds, allowing Kagura a moment to psyche herself up.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, using every corner of her lungs to get as much oxygen as she could. As she breathed in, the park's wonderful scents felt exhilarating. She smelled grass, syringas and a touch of her own strawberry perfume.

The song hit its first beat and Kagura prepared to give the audience a great show.

Everyone in backstage held in their breaths as they watched her from the monitors. Kagura opened her eyes and flicked her long vermillion hair a bit, making the small ”bun ears” wobble with her movement. She opened her mouth, ready to sing the first words.

A loud scream from the audience cut Kagura off before she even began. Her eyes tried desperately to locate the person who screamed. It sounded like a woman.

Even Gintoki began to look into the audience, trying to see what caused the loud voice. Kagura's song played all along in the background. She didn't know should she jump in to the song or should she wait. It was frustrating to say the least.

”What happened? Why isn't she singing?” Otae asked.

Bansai and Shinpachi were equally confused about the situation. ”Check the cameras Shinpachi,” Bansai said.

”Okay,” Shinpachi said and began to check every frame carefully.

Kagura heard Bansai talking into her ear. ”Gura, I'll lower the music down untill we find out what happened in the audience.” Kagura glanced at the camera that was right in front of her and nodded lightly.

”She heard me,” Bansai confirmed to Shinpachi.

Kagura heard the beautiful melody of her song quiet down, she didn't know how to feel about it. It was disheartening, but on the other hand Kagura wanted to make sure that the woman in the audience was all right.

This was just a set-back, a minor hurdle before she could really sing her song.

”OOH! OH MY GOD!” someone else shouted from the audience. Kagura, Gintoki and pretty much every single person in the vicinity looked at the woman screaming at the back of the crowd. She was frantically pointing at something.

”There,” Shinpachi said and zoomed a camera at the woman. Everyone in the backstage tried to look at the monitor, practically trampling over Shinpachi, almost pushing him off his chair.

Kagura noticed a girl jumping in front of the stage, apparently trying to get a better look of what was happening. It took about two more jumps for her to start freaking out. The girl flipped out her phone and called someone.

”You better get into the Syringa Park right now, S IS HERE!” the girl yelled at the phone and tried to charge through the mass of people.

Huh?...S...is here? Kagura asked herself.

Then to Kagura's horror a massive portion of the all ready small audience began to move away from the stage. Gintoki looked at Kagura who was frozen still, unable to utter a word. He wanted to help her somehow, he just didn't know how.

Then Kagura saw him in the distance. It was S, the S, the ridiculously famous and cherished idol. He was entering the park with three buff bodyguards surrounding him.

People were quickly gathering around S, making it impossible for him to move anywhere. The bodyguards did everything they could, it wasn't that easy to keep starstruck fans at bay.

Girls were screaming his name and phone cameras flashing all over the park. Kagura thought he was like a rare zoo animal, everyone wanted a piece of him.

Gintoki saw his opportunity to be useful. He certainly didn't know who was this man with pastel blue hair, causing a fuzz in everywhere he went. Gintoki went as the fourth person to cover the young man. With Gintoki's help every direction was blocked from the eager fans.

Kagura observed from the stage the peculiar sight that was supposed to be her audience, her potential fans listening to her song. But no, they were all going crazy for someone who had no business in the concert.

In the backstage, every member of Sugar Addicts saw and recognized S. They would have probably ran to see him in person as every fan would, but they couldn't. Otae stopped them.

Even Soyeon understood why they couldn't go out there. The situation was already hard enough for Kagura, who just stood there, feeling incompetent and uninteresting. Like a complete failure.

One of the bodyguards noticed Gintoki siding with them. ”Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?”

Gintoki turned to the man with black hair and a rude attitude. ”I'm helping you, what does it look like?”

”Please step away, I can't know if you're some crazy person,” the man said.

Gintoki huffed arrogantly. ”I am the CEO of Yorozuya entertainment, I give you one change to apologize mr. grumpy.”

S sneered at Gintoki's choice of words. ”Let it go Hijikata”, S said to his bodyguard with his stoic voice.

Hijikata grunted. ”Fine”, he said, but thought that S was being too gullible about the strange man with silver hair.

”We are having a concert – or actually we are trying to have a concert here”, Gintoki said.

”Well then, could we use your backstage to get away safely?” Hijikata asked as quietly as possible.

”Sure, let's try to move closer to the stage”, Gintoki said. ”There's a security fence over there.”

More people were arriving into the park, the word of S' presence had spread fast. Gintoki noticed that some people were carrying professional cameras with them, concluding that the paparazzi had arrived.

S seemed surprisingly calm in the situation. He kept waving at his fans, causing them to scream even louder. Was this one of his surprise appearances, Kagura wondered to herself.

The bodyguards managed to move through the crowd, getting closer and closer to the fence. Kagura watched in silence, listening to the screams of his fans and her song playing in the background.

Gintoki reached the fence first. He opened a gate and waved S to go through it. He was now safe behind the sturdy fence. S sighed and brushed off some dirt from his shoulder.

Kagura's attention had turned to S standing only few meters away from her. Sure she was on the stage and he was on the ground level, but still, he was right there. His light blue hair was messy, but it still looked effortlessly cool.

He wore dark gray jeans and a black loose shirt. Despite the oversized shirt, Kagura could tell his built was slender, like many dancers had.

S felt like someone was staring at him from behind, someone other than a drooling fan. He turned around and saw Kagura standing in the center of the stage, looking back at him.

Their eyes met.

She knew who he was, he had no idea who she was. That didn't stop their eyes from digging into one another. Her deep blue eyes glued into his icy blue ones. He had contacts again, Kagura could tell.

She felt almost naked. Not because he was looking at her. It was because her moment was ruined. She was stripped from her confidence, her song, her moment.

S didn't speak, he just stared at Kagura. He didn't look like he was angry, but he wasn't sad either, he wasn't particularly anything. His whole face was deadpan, he was even harder to read than Bansai.

Kagura felt her heart beating faster under his icy gaze, it felt like he was challenging her somehow. But how could that be, he didn't know she was supposed to perform. To him, she might have looked like an announcer or a sound-checker, just a regular person.

He noticed. He wasn't stupid.

Her outfit, the microphone, her. Nothing about her spoke to him as a regular person. So he stared at her more, not like he had anything better to do at the moment. Gintoki and all of his bodyguards were busy with keeping the fans from climbing over the fence.

Kagura felt her blood rushing through her veins. Her heart demanding more oxygen, making her breath more often.

He saw her heavily heaving chest, but did nothing to point it out. He stuffed his hands into his pockets without breaking the iron-clad eye contact.

Every member of Sugar Addicts were staring at the monitors, eyes wide open. Kagura was standing so close to him, it rose some envy in their hearts, it couldn't be helped. It felt unfair as she could never truly appreciate him being so near her.

It was only pity that overthrew the strong feeling of jealousy in their hearts. Pity for Kagura and her debut failing.

”Kawakami-nim, tell Kagura to come back here for now,” Otae demanded, using Kagura's real name in her worry.

”Gura! Can you hear me Gura?” Bansai asked.

Kagura heard them, but she felt like she couldn't move.

Otae borrowed Shinpachi's microphone. ”Kagura! Come back here now. I think it's better to call off the concert for now.”

Kagura heard Otae say the words she had been dreading for. She felt broken and defeated. Still, she didn't leave the stage.

Kagura was 100% sure that she would have gone back to others without one thing keeping her on her spot.

His eyes. Those demanding eyes.

Her heart raced.

Kagura snapped out her trance like state. She realized her song was closing in the bridge*. It was the part where her vocals skills were really put under the test. The hell with it, Kagura thought. She wasn't going to let the whole concert fail because of some uninvited people appearing there.

Kagura closed her eyes and inhaled quickly. And she began to sing. The music was playing on such a low volume she had to go full a capella*.

”When will you understand, that time is precious.”

S kept his eyes strictly at the girl who suddenly started to sing like a songbird. Gintoki's focus went immediately to Kagura, he recognized her voice anywhere.

”I am not a child anymore, I'm not yours to leave.”

Her vocals went so high, it silenced everyone in the park, including the diehard fans of S. Her voice was so powerful, it easily stunned everyone in the backstage. Maybe it was the situation she was in that made her push herself even harder.

”With or without you, I'll rise like a sunflower.”

Kagura sang the last part of the bridge with her whole heart. Somehow Bansai snapped out of his initial awe and managed to turn the volume up. Like it was part of the song, the music rose up right in time for the chorus.

The whole audience was getting excited about the song. For a few seconds S' presence was fully forgotten. Kagura opened her eyes as she heard cheering from the people around the park.

S was still looking at her, face as emotionless as it was before. Kagura didn't even spare a look for him, she was much more interest in looking at the smiling people in the crowd. Then the song hit its final chorus.

”My time or your time, it really doesn't matter, Is it the past or the future, it really doesn't matter. Time is still precious.”

Kagura had wrote the song together with Bansai. She poured her whole heart and soul into it, mirroring her feelings about time in to the song.

For the last part of the song, Kagura pushed her raw emotion through her voice.

”What happened to our time? I don't know the answer, but...my time...is precious.”

Kagura ended the song, her eyes felt wet, but she didn't want to start crying in the middle of the stage. She could cry all she wanted in the backstage, now was the time to take in the applauses. Time to feel the love.

The audience was mesmerized and speechless. It had been a long time since an outstanding voice like Kagura's had been heard. Then a young man with a kind smile, lifted his fist up. ”You're amazing Gura!”

Kagura looked at the man, he truly had the sweetest eyes she had ever seen. She gave him a nod as her humble thanks, causing his eyes to sparkle.

”Yeah!” someone yelled.

”A sunflower with the most beautiful voice ever!” another one yelled.

Kagura kept looking at the people in the audience. She almost couldn't believe how excited she made everyone feel.

”Gura, Gura, Gura...” a man began chanting from a crowd and it only took a second for everyone to join his chant. In a moment the whole park was calling her name, making it impossible for Kagura to hold back her tears.

Gintoki looked at his foster-daughter. She looked so happy and proud of herself, there was nothing he wished more than her happiness.

S felt a hand on his shoulder. It was his main bodyguard, Hijikata Toushiro, the black-haired man Gintoki had argued with. ”This is our change to make a discreet exit,” he said.

S nodded as his answer. With Gintoki's help, the bodyguards got inside the security fairly easily.

Kagura glared from the corner of her eye that S was leaving. She felt relief.

She wasn't a fan of his, never had been. From this day on Kagura would remember him from one thing and one thing only; he almost ruined her debut and she hoped never to see him again.

To him, she became someone he would definitely remember.

A/N:

*bridge: a musical term, is often used to contrast with and prepare fot the return of the verse and the chorus *a capella: singing without instrumental accompanimen

[atamascolily]

lily liveblogs “terminator 2: judgement day” for the first time

Nothing says "Christmas season" like watching bloody action movies! Well, there is "Die Hard," but I'm watching Terminator 2: Judgement Day, aka "James Cameron Was Mad He Didn't Put Those Ten Minutes of Subplot He Filmed Into the Theatrical Cut of the First Terminator, So He Made An Entire Movie About It Instead Because He Could”.

Ok, so I have the "Extreme Edition", whatever that means. The menu options for the DVD include "Sensory Control" (for subtitle options) and "Jump Into Timeline". Every now and then a super-creepy T-2 metallic head drops into frame to remind you to press play. I'm loving this.  

Cars in L.A. traffic. Children laughing on a playground in the '90s. Cut to the Apocalyptic Nightmare Future with the busted cars and skeletons for drivers. Everything's STILL IN PLACE the way it was when Judgement Day happened. Oooh, yeah, just cut to the wrecked playground with a pile of human skulls, in case we didn't get the memo.

(for the record, I'm pretty sure nuclear winter would actually NOT WORK LIKE THIS, but it looks cool, and James Cameron seems to be really good at this kind of parallels between present and future, so I'm rolling with it.)

Sarah Connor narrates the introductory spiel, and we're treated to basically the same opening as T1, except much higher budget everything. Lots of laser beams and explosions and fireballs, plus scary metal Terminators roaming around that the last movie did NOT have the budget for. (plus the audiences have already seen that in T1, so it's okay to show them in the intro, since I assume an EVEN SCARIER TERMINATOR FINAL FORM is coming).

We're only 3 minutes into the movie and the filmmakers have already spent like a tenth of their total budget on SFX and twice the total costs of the first movie. 

It occurs to me as Sarah is narrating, who is she narrating to? Just us, or some other characters? I strongly suspect we'll see some other characters when this film finally cuts to her.

How does Sarah know about a second strike? Didn't we establish in the last movie that there was only one Terminator that went through the portal before the humans got to it?? Are they retconning that now?

Instead of '80s synth and logo during the credits, we get a more symphonic treatment of the main theme, plus THE PLAYGROUND ON FIRE because SYMBOLISM for the destruction of CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE, amirite?? And then we cut to the SCARY METALLIC RED-EYED TERMINATOR SKELETON IN FLAMES because THAT is the defining image of this francise, the one that James Cameron had NIGHTMARES about that he decided to give to EVERYBODY ELSE by making these films.

I just realized how much the Terminator head in that shot looks like a human skull, THAT'S SO INTENTIONAL AAAAAH.

Cut to a truck driving off without its cargo, trash on the ground. Sparks fly, a wind picks up, it's night, we've been here before... This time the budget is higher, so we actually get to SEE the sphere instead of people just kind of appearing... and it carves a hole in one of the trucks. This ALSO didn't happen in T1. Nudity is still mandatory, though. It's still Arnold. You can tell it's an upgraded model Terminator based on his computer system menus. He still beats up tattooed punks to steal their clothes, only instead of stoned punks, these are long-haired motorcycle dudes in some sort of pool bar.

Oh, wow, there are a lot of people in this bar. A woman with a cigarette and a nose ring is checking the Terminator out. This is going to go well. Country music blares on the soundtrack.

He's looking for the dude with the best motorcycle. Tells him to give him his stuff. This is just like the first movie, but different. The dude is unimpressed, though why I'm not sure, because the Terminator is super-intense, and super-buff.

But the motorcycle dude blows smoke in his face--the T2 model scan says "carcinogen vapors", which is a) hilarious, and b) SO DIFFERENT FROM THE "EVERYBODY IS ALWAYS SMOKING EVERYWHERE" vibe of 1984--a sign of the evolving social norms. Then the motorcycle dude grinds his cigar into the Terminator's bare skin... and of course there's no reaction.

One dude goes through a window onto the front window of what may well be his car(?). The original dude goes flying into the kitchen and lands on a stove, which is horrific, but also karmic payback. Another gets stabbed with his own knife. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, CAMERON. Burned guy tries to pull a gun on the Terminator, but surrenders his keys and his clothes without a fight. Terminator goes outside in record time, because the dude he tossed on the car window is still there.

The bartender comes out with a gun, fires a shot into the air, and tells the Terminator to get off the bike. This is going to end poorly for him, especially since "Bad to the Bone" is playing in the background. Terminator takes both the gun and the guy's shades while the dude just watches, incredulously. YOU GOT LUCKY YOU'RE NOT HIS TARGET/MISSION, pal.

(also: this movie is such an obvious social commentary about how being armed really doesn't help you against a real threat, American fantasies to the contrary)

Cut to more blowing trash, more buildings, more trucks, a police car, electricity. The future is calling! (Oh good, this person's either going to be chased by the police OR Take their stuff.)

Dramatic hole in the fence from the future sphere thing. Yeah, this definitely wasn't a thing in the first movie, but it does look cool in this shot! Yep, there goes the policeman!

New dude's first order of business is to look up John Connor's name in the computer in the police car. Apparently, John Connor has a criminal record - trespassing, shoplifting, disturbing the peace, vandalism. He doesn't live with Sarah... he's got a guardian, and the address is in the computer.

Cut to the suburbs. It's wholesome, white-bread America. His foster mother yells at him. John is a teenage motorcycle punk, but in a clean, wholesome way. His friend has very '90s hair, though.

John's friend thinks that his foster mom is a "dick," but frankly, I see no evidence why we should hate her thus far. Her husband comes out to tell John to clean his room, but he and his little friend are already zipping away on their motorcycle, and the little friend is holding a miniature boombox, and it's so '90s, I have to pause so I can laugh for a while. Also, this rebelliousness is what's going to save his life when the Terminator comes for him. I guess the foster parents are framed as nagging assholes so we don't care so much when they die??

(also, what do you want to bet Sarah taught John to ride a motorcycle??)

John Connor is a little dick who thinks he's so clever, and he doesn't have to do anything because these aren't his real parents. His foster dad smokes, and doesn't say anything, probably because he's already made it clear to his wife that room cleaning is not high on his priority list. Fuck him.

Sarah's doing pull-ups in her cell. THOSE ARM MUSCLES, OH MY GOD. She's 29 years old. SUCH A CHANGE from the waitress with the '80s hair from the first film. Everything's so white, it's a state psychiatric ward for women. Men in suits discussing Sarah's case.

THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO KYLE IF THE TERMINATOR HADN'T BUSTED THE POLICE STATION. *sob*

Is Silbermann - the psychiatrist who examined Kyle in T1 still around? He left the police station right before the Terminator's attack, so I assume he lived... what does he make of Sarah's case? Does he ever follow up? I wonder what's going through his head.

I like how we don't see Sarah's face until she turns to face the doctors. I like how wild and unhinged she looks, how feral. She's changed so much in what, ten years? Thirteen? I think it's 1997, just before Judgement Day, but idk if that's been confirmed yet. Thirteen looks about right for John Connor, so I'm going with that.

Oh, god IT IS DR. SILBERMANN, THAT ASSHOLE!!! How does he explain how both Sarah AND Kyle have schizophrenia, when Sarah was perfectly normal before? And he *know* someone was murdering other Sarah Connors and seemed to be gunning for her, so why...? Was he really that much of an asshole not to suspect that *something* was going on, and Sarah wasn't crazy??

Also, I love "How's the knee?" because she totally hurt him, and I love her. I love how calm she sounds, like she's the one in control not them, because she can hurt them more than they can hurt her.

Sarah stares at the female doctors, and I realize now that Silbermann is doing a tour of the facility LIKE IT'S A ZOO, and... yeah, wow, he really is an asshole. He's the one with delusions, who can't see outside his own sheltered bubble...

I wonder what would happen if Sarah could talk to one of the female doctors? If they could make a connection? Maybe they would believe her. God knows Silbermann isn't going to listen to anyone who doesn't already agree with him.

God, the orderlies are sadist assholes. I fucking hate them. That shot of Sarah lying crumpled on the floor is so beautiful because everything is angelic pristine white and sunny, and so horrifying.

The police dude shows up at John's foster parents' house. We're supposed to think he's good because he's not Arnold, but this person has no facial expressions and he's too calm - compare with Kyle's frantic fumblings. This is not somebody from the human resistance of T1, at least not without some serious retconning. He's too poised and professional, too adept at the 1990s, whereas Kyle Reese had the social skills of a feral racoon and wore pants he stole from a homeless man. Totally different vibe going here.

The knock on the door sequence is so parallel to the original Terminator going to the first Sarah Connor's house in T1... same suburban paradise... and you can get anything when you're a clean-shaven, short-haired white cop, can't you??

Cut to: '90s tech. John and his little friend hacking an ATM. God. Their clothes, their hair, the ATM... everything is peak early '90s, and I can't handle it. We learn that Sarah Connor taught her son how to hack, because of course she does.

John keeps the photo of Sarah in his backpack, awwww. John is so not impressed by his mother, calls her crazy because she took the war to Cyberdyne and WENT BACK AND TRIED TO BLOW UP THE COMPUTER FACTORY AGAIN AFTER KYLE DIED!! (and her son was born)

Q: what did she do with John while she did that? Was he outside waiting for her somewhere? How did the police find him??

It doesn't matter who your parents are, EVERY teenager thinks their parents are "total losers". John has a chip on his shoulder a mile wide. His little punk friend thinks Sarah is so cool, and he doesn't know any of this, so I guess they're not THAT good friends??? Since it's John's motorcycle, John's driving, and John's stolen money, I guess the little unnamed punk friend is only hanging out with John because John is so much cooler than him, and needs someone to exposit to??

That shot of a drugged Sarah slumped over her knees on her bed in the shaft of sunlight, with her hair combed is SO BEAUTIFUL, too bad she's a drugged shadow of her usual self...

OH MY GOD, MICHAEL BIEHN IS IN THIS MOVIE, AND HE COMES TO HER, AND HE'S WEARING HIS TRENCH COAT AND TELLING HER SHE HAS TO WAKE UP OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG MY SHIPPER HEART asfhgfkgkfdgjkfdlgf *incoherent screaming* I need a thousand GIF sets of this scene PRONTO.

Kyle: "Where's our son???"

god, Sarah's EYES when she says they took him from her

Kyle is so earnest, so desperate, so much less bedraggled than he ever was in T1... god, he's even wearing that stupid gown under his trench coat that he got in the police station in T1, that detail wrecks me, oh my god, oh my god, this scene is so beautiful, I just want an entire movie of THIS, oh my god...

Sarah is begging Kyle for help, and he grabs her shoulders and tells her she's strong, stronger than she ever thought she could be, LIKE HE'S ALWAYS DONE, OH MY GOD, beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, I love him.

AHHHHHHHHHHH, and then he says "On your feet, soldier!" which is what she said to HIM right before he DIED, and he forces her UP and they EMBRACE and she's sobbing into his shoulder and he hells her he loves her and he always will, and HKGKSFJALFNDBJNJN

I am a melting pile of shipper goo right now, this shot of them in the sunlight is so fucking beautiful, James Cameron HOW DARE YOU THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED IN A MOVIE EXCEPT THAT KYLE IS STILL DEAD, DAMN IT, YOU DIDN'T RETCON THAT.

He says he'll always be with her... and he is, because he's a voice in her head, a memory.... ahhhhhhhh my heart...

And he tells her "The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves," which is what SHE SAID TO HIM, oh my GODDDDDDDD.

And they hug and kiss and I could watch a whole movie about this, and then she slumps back and she's alone in her cell in a shaft of sunlight and I just want to cry. whhhhhyyyyy do you have to hurt me this way, why, why why why why whyyyyyy?

Oh wait, he's at the door to the cell, and it's open, telling her there's not much time... and walking away, and she goes out to follow him as he's walking down the hall and everything's so eerily perfect white and shiny and beautiful and SURREAL, fuck, I am so HERE FOR THIS!

God, this is all beautifully shot as she chases after him - and we get a good view of her amazing forearm muscles without objectifying her. The nightgown she's wearing is NOT standard institutional outfit - it looks more like lingerie than State Mental Hospital Standard Issue - but it's not especially revealing, either.

She opens the doors and she's outside and there's that playground again with all the children playing... SYMBOLISM AGAIN.... Sarah is locked out, away from the children, yelling to save them... and then fire.

And she wakes up in her cell and her hair is a mess again, so this time we know it's real -- and her outfit's changed, too, back to the tank top she was originally wearing, so I guess her outfit was part of the dream, too.

(ngl, I wasn't expecting even THIS MUCH of Michael Biehn in this movie, so I will happily take it, but stilllllllll... I WANT MORE, GODDAMN IT!!!)

(this got long, so I’m breaking it up into parts)