#okay technically he doesn't kill directly by hand but come on

[tizzyizzy]

Racism is the when people say the murderous torture pirate might have some violent tendencies

/s

[lianaisabsent]

BSD men when their s/o gets jealous

A/n: might be a little different from exactly canon reactions but technically it includes my hcs so..

CHARACTERS: dazai, chuuya, atsushi

Dazai:

with dazai it's like you're confused and amused more than jealous.

He flirts to get information, it works greatly is what's more annoying to you.

This one time you both were set up on a mission and not even two seconds in and he flirted with the prime suspect and deemed her "incapable of doing murder"

When asked why he responded “I would frame her too, she's too afraid and cowardly and she's lacking financially so her motive would've been perfect to kill.. however, the way she trembles and speaks and responds is a way no killer would be able to.. She could be an actress but her hands are of those of the abused. Meaning she was purposely planted to distract us.. That's something I would do if I was the killer" (plot holes in this but I'm not a detective so excuse me if I get any thing wrong)

You were just gawking the whole time over how much he analyzed from touching the ladies hand and speaking to her softly and sweetly.. It was a mask yes but still it made you jealous.. Not like you were to admit that.

He might have.. He definitely noticed it. Dazai wanted to tease you over it but you were in a professional setting although nothing about dazai can be called professional at times.. Most times..

Bro would tease you so much so so much

You both were on a mission together, a mission to investigate a murder in an art museum. You inspected the places, found some clues and when you came back you saw your boyfriend speaking, no flirting with the staff members.

You knew it's for work, but it still makes you feel a twisting feeling in your stomach. You're not much of a doubting and possessive person with him but it's still annoying how good he is at this a natural some might even say.

You just inhaled and exhaled before rolling your eyes and walking towards someone else for their statements on what happened. They all have roughly the same statement “he was a kind man, a kind man the manager was, the manager was a nice kind man he didn't deserve this” almost led you to think this was some sort of mystery novels cassette tape on repeat.

A few minutes pass by and you feel someone hugging you from behind, you flinched and pushed the person away, person being dazai who was very wounded (dramatic is a better word) “my love! How could you!? First you get jealous and glare at the staff member and when I came to comfort you like the amazing partner I am, you pushed me!”

You could only sigh at his theatrics, 'how is he not an actor?' you thought. “don't bother dazai I know it was for work..” you sighed looking through the information you gathered. He did tease you but he ultimately didn't really know how to respond to that. As he's told you before he cant really respond with that exact emotions you want. He tried though.

“well.. I only 'flirt' for work but ultimately who do I go home to and for? You” it did make you internally embarrassed because he just said that loudly in a silent hall with people.

Chuuya:

He isn't a flirt, his thing is more of actions speak louder then words but he does get flirted with. He doesn't respond to it but it does annoy you a little.

he isn't going to say much just “oh okay-wait what”

I think he'd be dense when it comes to recognizing jealousy, he'd just think everything is fine unless you directly tell him it's not

“chuuya, I'm jealous” “of what? My charm?”

How did you even end up with him..

One time, at a café when you were both off of your work and getting something to drink while you caught up for the week a woman came up asking for your boyfriends number.

He was about to say something before he saw a book in her hand, he did mention he'd been reading a few books recently and that you should check them out if you have time but you didn't have time. You were regretting it now for sure.

“oh you like that book?” “yes!” “oh what was-....” their words were no longer being heard by you when all you did was stare down at your drink counting till when she would leave him. But to your disappointment it was like chuuya forgot who he came to the date with. After what felt like 30 minutes she smiled and left with his number as you glared at him and picked up the butter knife.

You stared at him and he only smiled at you in return, it wasn't intentional you could see it but it annoyed you so much “so you just give away your number to random people huh?” you asked earning a confused look from him, “what do you mean darling?” “you know what I mean, the girl the book ring a bell for you yet Einstein?” he nodded before pausing “oh wait what? You were jealous!?”

He, instead of sitting across came to your side and sat beside you lightly hugging you “sorry if it made you jealous I was just kind of happy because we had similar interests is all, you're the one I'll take to dinner and you're the one who I'll plan to spend my life with along with wine”

It made you smile.

Atsushi:

He is more dense.. He's oblivious, he doesn't even know you were jealous.. Why were you jealous? That's his thought

We all know atsushi has a thing for saving people but people do tend to over think interactions. You have witnessed multiple times where people who atsushi saved tried flirting with him. As your oblivious partner just kept being dense.

“jealous?? You? YOU WERE JEALOUS?!”

He's confused, he doesn't understand

You knew atsushi saved a girl from the guild and you knew she was his friend (?) if you could call it that because from what kyouka told you she just seemed like a shy girl who hates social interactions.. That was until you visited the café yourself and saw her upset seeing you. Had you done something to wrong her? No, you hadn't ever met the red head.

“um atsu.. Is your upset with me?” you asked to which you received a shake of his head and a small "no"

As you say down she came and threw the menu in front of atsushi and placed it carefully to you.. You were shocked to say the least. She the started bantering and you noticed a blush and thought 'oh. She likes him..' it wasn't until after she left that you felt an annoying twist in your stomach and a voice saying that they've known each other for longer then you and him have been together but you choose to ignore it.

Lucy, he told you was her name, came back with the orders placing it and when he called you 'love' which wasn't often unless he noticed something off about you that her eyes almost bulged out “YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!?” she shouted at him not that loudly to disturb everyone but still nearby customers did hear it. Atsushi nodded “oh yes, I thought I told you last time me and kyouka came” they started bantering again.

You felt jealous and annoyed, she seemed sweet.. But jealousy just made you feel angry and annoyed at her. After your café trip you walked out of the café not waiting for him to catch up. He grabbed your wrist asking what's wrong and you could only sigh "jealousy, I'm jealous, you've known her for longer then our relationship and she even could have feelings for you!” you said to which his response was shutting down literally he tried to process what you just said..

"you're jealous? JEALOUS??” he was shocked and in comparison to his obliviousness you only kissed him. It made him redder then red paint could even get. He was confused as to why you were jealous but he reassured you that he only likes you and lucy is a good person and friend of his.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Follow up question why do think akutagawa listened to atsushi request to not kill people for 6 months? I don't think this has anything to do with dazai's approval. I like the bsd omake where akutagawa was having a hard time not killing and gin being genuinely worried about his mood!! It's funny how the entire mafioso seem okay with akutagawa's decision to not kill, until he settles his score with jinko.

I do think it was really just that Akutagawa, for how he is, keeps his promises. Once he accepted it - and he accepted it, because Akutagawa can’t turn down a challenge or a chance to prove himself -, I don’t think he ever even considered breaking it, because he’s of that kind: hyperfocused, straightforward, quite the executer, someone who doesn’t really question things but is used to stick to the directives when coming from a place he feels he has to prove himself to (that’s what Dazai made of him, after all). I do agree Dazai’s approval had secondary importance in this case. I also think Akutagawa just really wanted to kill Atsushi. He’s not used to… Question things, and he saw in keeping his promise the only way he could get to fight Atsushi in six months, which is something he really wanted to do, so he just did that. Akutagawa is quite narrow-minded and straightforward.

But again, even leaving that aside, Akutagawa being one who keeps his promises- I don’t know how to explain it, it just fits his character. It fits his being naïve and it fits his serious personality and his upbringing and moral compass. Seriously, I don’t think it was even because of Atsushi specifically, he just keeps his word in general, even if he was to give it to one of his victims before killing them. He’s a man of his word, it's in his very character introduction.

About how the promise could ever possibly concile with his Mafioso job, thinking about it is my personal treat! It gives back some kind of dignity and authority to Akutagawa after all the mud I so often have fun throwing at him ahah. I think I already summed up pretty well what I think about the matter in the tags here:

Surprisingly, I think Akutagawa has enough power to do that. Despite all the mud I throw at him he *is* one of the most powerful pm members and like... Realistically‚ now that Dazai is gone‚ what is keeping him in the pm anyway? On the other hand, it would indeed be a great loss for Mori to lose him. So I do believe to some extent they just make Akutagawa do whatever he wants to do; which most of the time is killing and maiming so that's quite convenient! But if for six months he decided to limit himself to the maiming part I don't think there's much they can do about it. Besides, I believe it's an important aspect of Akutagawa's character how... You could say‚ capricious, but overall simply untamable and unrestrainable he is. I think that although they never directly confronted about it‚ both Mori and Akutagawa know Mori has to leave Akutagawa enough freedom of action to keep him in after Dazai left. Because again‚ seriously - and that's a whole post for another time -‚ what is keeping Akutagawa in the pm after the dark era events? He doesn't hold any sincere loyalty to the pm like Chuuya does– his true loyalty still lies to Dazai beyond what even Akutagawa himself acknowledges. He can't fear pm retaliation like virtually any other member would, because he's objectively powerful enough that wouldn't be a problem for him. I mean who would they send after him? Chuuya? I mean they technically could‚ but it's going to be unpleasant for everyone. Tl;dr Akutagawa one day really showed up (unannounced) to Mori's office and told him that he‚ ruthless mafioso pm rabid dog™‚ wouldn't have killed anyone for six months and Mori just had to roll with it. But that's fundamentally tied to Akutagawa's whole character and his characteristics of being wild and unpredictable and especially uncontrollable. (Gin's reaction would be indeed hilarious though. Really SHE is the only person left in the pm that holds power over him I'm not joking)

I do actually believe that Akutagawa, despite not being an executive, has enough power to decide what he does and doesn’t do in the mafia. He’s the most valuable member that isn’t an executive, and one of the most powerful members overall. He’s often played a key role in the pm’s major conflicts. Mori has direct interest not to lose him. Yet Akutagawa has no real reason to stay in the pm? He joined because of Dazai, but Dazai is not there anymore. He never showed true loyalty to the pm outside of doing his job. It really is just a job for him- a job he’s quite good at doing, a job that’s perfectly fit for him, but still a job he can abandon any time. There are universes where Akutagawa doesn’t work for the pm. But that doesn't change the fact that it would be a great loss for Mori if Akutagawa left, so if Akutagawa one day is just like, “no killing commissions for the next six months”, Mori just has to deal with it. And Akutagawa – who after all has a very powerfull skill, and after Dazai left was able to climb the ranks easily – has enough authority to do that. He’s not an executive (and I firmly believe he will never become one), but he is not below executives either; in the story he’s always shown receiving orders from the organization boss directly and answering to him only.

Akutagawa is a wild beast. He doesn’t like being kept under the leash. Dazai had (and still has) complete control over him, but that’s because he’s Dazai, and because of the circumstances in which they met; that said, Akutagawa isn’t willing to let anyone else control him very easily, and after Dazai left the pm, Akutagawa stayed, but at his own conditions. Which more often than not align with the pm’s, because he’s good at killing, and gets some kind of satisfaction from it, so he’s fit for the job; but if he ever decided to temporary change the terms, to do as he pleases and not kill anyone for six months, that’s for the others to deal, because there’s no changing his mind (and you don't want to contradict Akutagawa).

[kittykatkatelol]

BIG LONG COOKING COMPANIONS INFO DUMP AND LITERALLY THE WHOLE PLOT I LOVE TALKING

massive spoilers for the game + warnings for cannibalism , murder , technically torture , and spirits/ghosts who haunt MC (there is no images) - you have been warned (and if i missed smth plz tell me so i can add it !)

okay starts off in a cabin, four ppl in there with you, the MC - all young adults, maybe late teenager at youngest. Their names are Karen, Gregor, Mariah, and Anatoli (i might've be spelled those wrong tbh so sorry in advance for that-).

There is no explanation given to you as to why they are there, just that they need a place to crash (at least I don't believe an explanation was given, it's been awhile since i last watched/played). So you, MC, comply and let them stay in your cabin for a few nights. Supplying them food as well - what are you supposed to do, let them starve? hehe.

So over the next couple days, you supply these 4 a place to sleep and food. But then it starts to rain.

It floods. Everyone is stuck in this cabin until the rain can stop and the flood waters fall. But everyone is stuck for the foreseeable future. Okay, not the worst, at least there is a place to sleep and food-

yeah the food runs out fast. People start to starve. Everyone is hungry after another few nights with little dinner.

Mariah leaves the cabin in hopes to find some food - it is flooded. She doesn't come back.

But hey! MC found some meat, everyone can now have something to eat. No one is suspicious yet. No one realizes they are eating their friend, yet.

OH YEAH i forgot, the chompettes - five food products that are sentient that also live with MC in their cabin. It is unclear if the 4 visitors ever saw those sentient foods. There is Cabbage, the leader. Raspberry. Onion. Bread (the maker of awful puns and cornbreads cousin). And Potato.

The chompettes are fairly nice, Cabbage seemingly trying to keep everyone happy - possibly distracted as well, trying to keep everyone from remembering their fate.

Potato is quite different from the rest. Unlike the others, he directly helps MC. Giving them hints, telling them information about food, teaching them.

We'll come back to the chompettes later.

The remaining three are now.. different. Desperate for that meat. Begging for it. Acting, almost, possessed, their speech corrupting and their faces deforming before snapping out of it. They are still hungry.

Anatoli leaves next to try and find food and maybe even Mariah no one saw mariah's broken ghost body staring at them through the window no one saw her head in the cabinet

Anatoli doesn't come back, as expected. Gregor and Karen start to catch on when MC comes back with more meat.

Karen praises MC for it, Gregor doesn't like it but eats regardless.

Karen learns to be like MC.

She cuts Gregor's arms and legs off when MC refuses to do it at her request.

Gregor dies next.

MC and Karen eat.

Welp then Karen starts acting mega crazy and then MC locks her in the basement a few days pass and MC gets loopy cause all his foods in the damn basement where Karen is

they face off in a anime type battle and Karen becomes a turnip

in the basement on the way to Karen the three dead spirts of Anatoli, Mariah, and Gregor talk to MC - their rotting deformed spirit of bodies showing themselves to MC as they talk and wish for both Karen and MC's death.

Then the chompettes join the battle botta bing botta bomb Karen dies and joins the chompettes as a turnip

oh yeah i forgot to go back to the chompettes- WELL IM DOING IT NOW

the chompettes are basically all the souls of those who were killed INSIDE the cabin BY MC. You might be asking, why didn't Anatoli or Mariah become a chompette? Well you see, they were both outside the cabin when MC killed them (yes they killed the both of them.). But what about Gregor, he was inside when he died? Well KAREN killed Gregor, not MC. They must die by MC's hand/blade to become a chompette, so instead they all became rotting ghosts.

Those chompettes were all killed by MC inside the cabin.

And the reason Potato is so different, so helpful, was because Potato was like MC, a murderer (i cannot remember if he was also a cannibal though, i think he was.), so despite being a chompette, and literally being killed and most likely eaten by MC, Potato is their ally.

Uh more theory time that i cannot remember if it was confirmed or not, but a lot of evidence showed that it was very likely.

MC is presumed to be the Baba Yaga, uh i don't remember why, i'm sure there is reasoning, but yeah that's a thing

and the reason the 4 originally showed up at the cabin was because they were running away from a war in Ukraine. (uh bunch a lore behind that too, both the baba yaga and this were much better explained on Game Theory by MatPat if you want to hear more - MatPat touches on a lot of these topics, plus streamed the game on GTlive if you want to watch a playthrough (highly recommend))

so uh yeah this started off as the plot but then i went into actual explanations lol

i can talk for so much longer but that is the basics.

I know i keep saying its like DDLC but with cannibalism, which is kinda right but also not really. The style game is very much DDLC (the how you play ddlc, talking to ppl, the dating sim feel of it, etc) but the story is very different.

Highly recommend if you are into horror, because yes, game pretty scary imo.

but that's about it :3 (IF YOU HAVE MORE QUESTIONS ASK I WILL GLADLY TRY AND ANSWER THEM TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY)

@fishiiboi

[kipperlillycopperkettle]

EVIL PETE FIC⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

OKAY so back when i was thinking a lot about tuc (and also listening to my pete playlist on the way to therapy bc it was the perfect length of time to get through from my home to the office) i somehow came up with the idea of like, what if pete did side with robert moses because, like. idk i think the idea of a vox phantasma gone bad is really interesting to me, and also like, if i was in pete's shoes imo siding with robert moses — particularly after he's played that recording of kingston — isn't an unreasonable choice to make. i was also listening to the descent by bastille on loop (which ALSO has the bit from the bastille pete/rowan song in it) when i wrote this. which is not relevant but is fun trivia.

anyway this is all i ever wrote of it mostly bc i then forgot about it and now i do not remember the intricacies of the plot of tuc i so i probably won't finish it until i get around to rewatching tuc

“if things get out of hand, we put him down. we're talking about the entire population of new york city. you're asking me to choose between new york city...”

“that's not real. it can't be,” pete says, his voice low and uncertain. he doesn't want it to be real, but. how can he know? he knows kingston — and that's part of the problem. kingston brown would do anything for new york city, and pete can't help but wonder if that includes killing him. 

robert moses shrugs. “your call, kid.”

robert is obviously evil. obviously he is, okay? pete knows perfectly well that he looks like the villian in a cartoon movie who wants to put down the puppy protagonists for, like, wanting to start a dog hotel or whatever the shit protagonists in children's movies are doing these days. pete has enough common sense to know that, okay?

it's just that... sometimes common sense and the need to survive don't intersect. 

“what do you want from me, robert?”

“from you?” robert leans back, manspreading, taking a cigar and a lighter from an inside pocket of his jacket and lighting it, taking a long drag. “want one?” he asks, when he notices pete eyeing it, and hands one over and lights it after pete nods. “kid, i just want you to know you got a shit deal. you didn't ask to be a vox. it's not like you're being paid for this, you know?”

“i'm not?” well, shit. pete had hoped that this would at least come with a paycheck. he is technically homeless, after all, which is something pete has been avoiding thinking about because he doesn't like thinking about things that stress him out, and the fact that he's almost certainly homeless stresses him out more than almost anything at this moment, including the fucking unsleeping city or whatever the fuck it's called. 

robert takes another long drag of his cigar. “i told you, kid, it's all bullshit. but, look, i can help you.” he pauses, looks directly at pete. “i don't know what your so called friends have been telling you about me, but i am a businessman, okay? and you are too. and we've got to look out for each other.” pete wouldn't exactly describe himself as a businessman, but he's not about to argue. if robert moses wants to call him a businessman instead of a drug dealer, he's not going to argue with it.

[revengesworn]

so i know i asked you all if i should post about the ending but in the end I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF, I'M SORRY, tr ending discussion under the cut

as a summary of my previous thoughts on the ending... my number one problem with it has always been the lack of an explanation for how mikey/takemichi managed to leap back in time together. to me, this makes it seem like they just got lucky that the leap worked at all, which ruins the theme of "you shouldn't take on your burdens alone/rely on your friends a little."

the reason it ruins it is because it comes across as like... mikey was right to push everyone away, because when he finally gave into his impulses and trusted takemichi like he told him to, he LITERALLY KILLED TAKEMICHI. and it was seemingly just luck that they both managed to go back??

i have, however, had thoughts since then which make the ending work a bit more for me personally. mostly, that the reason the curse was broken/they were able to go back was still ultimately a direct result of mikey deciding to trust takemichi/breaking the mindset of "i have to take everything on alone." specifically, in part because he trusted takemichi to save him and "gave into" the dark impulses, but mostly because in the moment takemichi was dying, he begged him to come back. basically he was asking takemichi for help; asking him to prove his beliefs right - that mikey should and can rely on others, and that it's okay to do so. basically i'm trying to help the ending to make thematic sense (to me), is the idea.

now... that's interpretation of the final leap is kind of a stretch. and not really stated or implied in canon, unfortunately. BUT i do think there's some symbolism to support it, like the heavy emphasis placed on mikey's tears that are implied to play a reason in why the leap worked (at least that's what it looked like to me??). mikey has been set up as a character who believes that crying is weakness, so seeing him openly cry represents the shedding of that belief/being willing to ask for help.

but anyway i've said all this before, so what are my new thoughts? well, not much tbh WHOOPS but in the past, i interpreted the dark impulses as being a result of not the curse on shinichiro/karma directly - the punishment for THAT was shinichiro's death at kazutora's hands. instead, mikey's DI are more a circumstantial result of him having been dead in the previous timeline.

and also in the past, i said that the DI appear due to his desire to not rely on others, and are therefore broken when he admits he needs help. i still hold to that, but now i also really like the idea of like... they also come about as a result of him believing he doesn't deserve to be saved, & that he can't be saved?? and therefore it's not just him admitting he needs help that breaks the curse - but also him admitting that he wants to be saved at all. maybe even coming to believe that he deserves it, or at least that he wants a future with everyone.

after all, he DID technically manage to save everyone (but himself) in the bonten timeline. it's not just that he needs help because he can't save everyone by himself. it's also that he needs help so that he can save himself, too, and that he deserves to be a part of that happy future he created for everyone as well.

does that... make sense?? at all?? lmao i feel like it's a meaningful distinction a bit, but idk if i phrased it in a way that makes that clear or that is indeed coherent at all. regardless though. those are my ending headcanons. but god i wish wakui implied all this a little more than what we got KSJFHDSKF

[fox-daddy]

Julain, Lucio, Asra are the MOST toxic relationships if they were real. I say that as a huge Asra enjoyer.

Spoilers for their routes I guess;

Julian - Semi-truma dumps to Mc the second meeting, gets into a relationship with them in like a single night, breaks up with them the next night, ends up back with them. I get by the upright ending he's okay but like. Until a certain point it's just toxicly doing things that harm Mc. Not always directly but did he really think Mc wouldn't hurt if he hands himself in with no warning saying he did it?

Lucio; honestly in the relationship I don't think is as toxic as Julian at the beginning however, his toxicness comes from more what he's done and is capable of doing. This man caused the plague and killed a large chunk of his own kingdom and left half it to flood. He has one defence and that is he's a fuckin moron. Lucio is NOT a ruler, he's a fighter, given the chance he would end things with violence. Also a bit obsessive with how he only seems to care about himself and Mc. To be honest he reminds me of my dad irl who was diagnosed with narssasisum by a professional and said 'that doesn't sound like me' So having met someone LIKE Lucio I think he has narssasisum and relationship wise is probably as toxic as Julian. Backstory wise more fucked up in the head.

Asra; I have bias towards Asra since I don't like Julian's route and think Lucio is okay. However, even I can see how toxic he can be. The first one which is not fully Asra's fault but kind of is, relationship imbalance at the start of the route. Mc looks at Asra as 'master' while early on in his route he says he hates it and sees Mc as being better than his student that blanace is still a thing that you have to be aware of. Asra taught Mc everything again, in some sense you could see it as an almost temporarily parental role. Once that is delt with he has a bit of an obsession with Mc. We see it during his route a bit when given glances at his mindset while working at the castle, while we don't know the ritual either coming up with the idea himself or promoting lucio's idea. Technically being the one to put the world itself in danger in 4/6 of the routes with Muriels being 50/50 since they never complete the ritual off memory but Lucio does complete all his deals.

So yeah, I don't think Julian or Lucio fans are mentally Ill I think fiction allows for more fucked up storylines to be ignored and for characters to have better second chances. Where yeah they killed people but like in a made up story. People drool over Trump and we're supposed to think Lucio is THAT bad?

I truly think all people who like Lucio are just Julian enjoyers but even more mentally ill. "I can fix him" mentality, check, attracted to little bitches, check, bad boy ™, check. I have more to say about this but not enough time to say it

[thatgoblin]

Chris Redfield and Leon Kennedy x Rookie Reader Headcannons

Leon

At first you were in awe of your lead. THE Leon S. Kennedy was showing you the ropes and helping train you for the job you'd dreamed of. Hero worship was common in this line of work, but you did your best to keep it to a minimum. You didn't want to embarrass yourself after all.

In place of that hero worship came this insatiable need to make Leon proud. Whether it was memorizing and nailing every written exam or physical test, you wanted to earn his praise.

You worked hard, harder than almost everyone it seemed. Leon never saw you slacking and saw how serious you were about the job. Protecting people was what you had always wanted to do with your life.

So when the grades came back that you weren't doing so hot, you were mortified. How could you let this happen? You didn't slack off, you studied everything you could get your hands on, hell you watched instructional videos on YouTube before bed! But you still weren't making a passing grade.

You thought you would be okay with the physical part, but no matter how hard you trained, no matter the extra hours you put in, you just couldn't seem to get what everyone else did. The moves were simple, why couldn't you just grasp them?

The only thing you thought you had going for you was the firing range, but even that was less than acceptable. Every time you tried to do something the pressure got to you and you messed up. You were so busy trying to make sure you didn't fail Leon that you were failing yourself.

It was when you were called into your commanding officer's office to speak about your grades that you were sure you were done. You were given two weeks that were used for break to study and practice and retest. But you'd already had nearly four months and the best you could do was subpar.

You were in your room, packing your bags because you knew you were going to be kicked out of the program when Leon showed up.

"Hey, Kid, you leaving for break?" He asked as he leaned against the door frame of your dorm.

"Uh. . . No," you said, hanging your head in shame. "I'm flunking out. Figured that it would just be easier to pack my bag now than wait later till I was officially asked to leave."

"What? How are you flunking?" Leon asked, straightening up. "I watch you every day and you're one of the hardest working cadets I've seen."

"Hard work doesn't mean much when you can't apply it correctly," you said. "I can't get the fighting technique right, the written exams are all a bust, and I can't even shoot a gun right. I don't deserve to be here."

"Have you asked for help or for someone to tutor you? That's what I'm here for, you know," he said, moving into the room to sit on the bed next to you.

You stared at the floor as you took a deep breath, feeling all the insecurities come rushing through to the surface.

"I didn't want to disappoint you," you said. "I mean, I wanted to do it all myself without help. I wanted to make you proud that you were my lead. If I was always asking for help, what good does that do? It shows that I can't do something on my own and need my hand held like some baby."

Leon sighed as he folded his hands together between his knees.

"I get it. I do. Wanting to make your leader proud and show how good you are, but we're a team here. No one is by themselves. You're only so good as your team is and if you're not doing well then that's a reflection on us," he said.

"Oh god, are you guys getting in trouble because of me?" You asked, looking at him horrified that you were possibly making things hard for your team.

"No, no, I mean. . . We're a team for a reason. You have to lean on us and trust us so when we need to, we can lean on you and trust you. If you need help studying or practicing outside of classes, I'll help you. That's why I'm here. It can be hard to ask for help in any situation cause it means you're admitting to a weakness, but that's okay. That's how we get stronger as individuals and as a team," Leon said.

You nod with a sigh. "I have two weeks to get better before I officially am asked to leave. I don't know if I can do it on my own," you said. "Can you help me?"

"Of course. I've got your back, Kid," Leon said, giving you a soft smile.

Chris

The B.S.A.A. was not for rookies, but they needed recruits so here you were. They provided training on weapons, protocol, how to work the gear, basically everything. Because they wanted everyone to be a well oiled machine out in the field, they made sure if you couldn't cut it that you didn't make it out of training. It was life and death and while they needed the hands, they weren't sending people out to die.

The trainers rotated to take classes of trainees. You were lucky enough to get the legendary Chris Redfield for your class leader. He would be teaching everything and making sure that everyone was ready. You had heard of him before, knowing that he was a weathered agent and could almost do anything was daunting.

Which was probably why you tried to avoid him at all costs in one on one situations. He wasn't mean or an ass, but he was intimidating. His stature and history were more than enough to show he knew exactly what he was talking about. You didn't want to feel stupid or embarrass yourself, so you kept him at a distance as you worked almost on your own.

Sure there were classes and work that you were trained in, but just the fear of being the weak link in front of others was hindering you. All of your tests and physical training was mediocre at best. Sure there were people that weren't going to cut it obviously, but you were much closer to their end of the spectrum than the other end that was running circles around you.

It wasn't that you couldn't do it. You could, but sometimes you froze up because your hands did something your mind didn't want to do or nerves made you stutter and stumble over your words. Everyone in the class at least had a background in the military or the police force or FBI or CIA or some other group that was similar to this.

You on the other hand did not. You came from a more technical background rather than a physical one. While you were miles ahead on the written tests, the physical ones were going to kill your career.

So when the notice went out that you were on the chopping block to be let go unless you could prove you were capable of being in the field, you weren't surprised.

Half of you wanted to keep trying, but the other half was telling you to pack up and go. You weren't unique or special, so why bother to continue to try?

It was when you were were working with one of the large guns by the shooting range, that Chris approached you. Before then, you two hadn't said a word to each other outside of the classes or even directly to each other.

So when his large frame took a seat across from you, folding his hands on the table after setting a file next to him, watching you with the gun, you weren't sure what to think.

"Hi," you said, freezing as you looked from the gun to him.

"Y/N, right?" He asked. You nodded as you set the pieces of gun on the table. "Why are you here?"

Oh Jesus, no. Why now? Why here?

"Uh," you said, blinking rapidly as your brain tried to come up with an answer. "Because I wanna help people."

"That's usually the answer I get," he said, sitting back to let his hands drop into his lap. "That or 'to kill bio weapons.' That's also a popular one."

"Yeah?" You said, unsure of what he was getting at.

"But I don't think it's why you're here," Chris said. "Because I think you don't know why you're here." Opening the file, you could see it was all information about you. Your background, schooling, family, credit score, even online usernames. They had everything. "When I was looking through the potential trainee's info, you struck me as odd. It's not exactly an every day thing that we get people who are more tech inclined rather than have a police or military background, but it happens. Usually they wash out though and end up in our research department."

"But I don't want to be in the research department," you said, frowning. Was he going to push you over to that section of the organization? You didn't want to be there though, otherwise you would have applied there.

"Every time I talk to someone and they have the chance to go to research after speaking to them about it, they take it," Chris said. "They figured out they can't cut doing the ground work so they move to a different field, but not you. I see you everyday in training, working your ass off to keep up with everyone and you almost make it. Not quite, but almost. Almost isn't going to cut it out on a mission."

"I know, I just. . . I'm working on it," you said, trying not to sound hateful or rude as your hands started to move on autopilot, putting your gun back together. "I'm really trying and I just can't get over this stupid hump that's holding me back."

"What's that? What's holding you back?" Chris asked.

"Me. I'm holding myself back," you said with a sigh. "I second guess everything because everyone around me has the experience that I don't, but I know I can do it. I just choke when it's time to act."

"I know you have some experience that they don't," Chris said. You nodded, understanding what he was talking about.

"I was a kid when it happened, I could barely call it working experience," you said, pushing the empty magazine into the gun.

"It was for Sherry Birkin," Chris said. "Raccoon City for a 9 year old isn't something to sniff at. From what the reports said, you were by yourself for three days before you made it out."

"Yeah," you said, nodding as you moved to the handgun next, disassembling it easily. "Hid in my apartment till I saw military trucks driving by then ran out."

"You lost your whole family to what we're training you to fight," Chris said, keeping his eyes on your hands as your fingers moved without faltering as you put the gun back together. "You were a kid when that happened. I say it still counts for experience that no one else really has. You know what you're doing with the infected and you know what it's like in the aftermath. We need people who know what it's like so that we can stop it from happening again."

"So what do you propose?" You asked, looking up as you finished putting the handgun back together. "After school training? Tutoring? Or do you want me to be counselor for survivors or shove me off to R and D?"

Chris chuckled as he closed the folder to look up at your face.

"I'm not gonna cut you," he said. "You know what you're doing and you're right. You're hang up is yourself. I'm gonna work with you to get over it. It's probably one the easiest things to work through really."

"You mean I can stay?" You asked, relaxing back into the chair, not even realizing you had grown so tense.

"Yeah. I just watched you take those weapons apart and put them back together in record time without even pausing," he said, pointing to the guns in front of you. "I want to work with you, Y/N. This isn't going to be an easy fight, but I really believe you have what it takes to be a good B.S.A.A. agent."

"Thank you, Sir," you said, smiling softly. "I appreciate that."

"You're welcome. We'll start some one on one combat training tomorrow before class. You're going to be working double what the others are, but it'll be for the best in the long run," he said.

"Whatever it takes, I'll do what I need to," you said.

"Glad to here it. Now, while we're here in the shooting range, let's test your aim."

[forestwater87]

Okay, for all of you who don't feel like watching Miles RP as David

Here are some of my favorite quotes. Context may be added if I feel like it. Reactions are my goblin brain screaming. All of these came from a discord so if they don't make sense . . . see goblin brain comment.

(That link should start directly at the point where he becomes David; if it doesn't, skip to 1:40:33)

In roughly chronological order:

David: "Teachers are sort of like camp counselors during the rest of the year."

The thing is David is absolutely up his own ass enough to think this.

David: "Trail mix is expensive!"

^ said to show he understands why not everyone can donate to the charity for teachers. Very adorable, am crying.

David's "ooooh" seeing one dude was extremely non-heterosexual. Fucking bicon. Him losing his mind that one of the arenas is called "Survey camp"

David: "A person's hitting me -- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this is just pretend!"

This is just canonically how David plays video games. Either this or he's unwilling to commit violence at all, but I'll defer to Miles.

David: "That's very goat of you!"

Spencer: "Is David popular amongst his campers?"

David: "I like to think so! There's only 3 staff members, so I'm definitely in everyone's top 3."

"That also means you're in the bottom 3."

David: "Well, I choose not to think of it that way."

(I have to keep adding reacts so you can tell when one quote ends and another begins. Judge not lest ye be judged)

I think the other person in the stream is named Spencer. Friend of Miles. I know literally nothing else about him and am not even confident on those facts.

Every time he says something so non-David in his David voice I die: "I have a lot of grenades!"

David: "Oh my goodness, would you look at this beautiful scenery! Can we hike that mountain?"

This is so goddamn cute. I am dying. Miles looked at his fans and said "they will eat tonight" and I am so relieved.

David: "Not to be a couple of Greedy Garys, but I say we get this [care package] and then I'll drop another one!"

The fact that Miles is grinning like a lunatic the entire time is very good. (Also if this is formatted badly then I'm sorry but not all that sorry. I'm doing my best and David would be proud of me.)

David: "Didja getim? Didja getim? didja getim? How 'bout now?"

Spencer: "I didn't get 'em."

David: "Well, you tried your best and that's all that matters."

He calls healing "a little health kiss." I'm not sure why but it's very important to me.

David: [while jumping to murder someone] "Hi! Scuse me!"

(i just need something to separate the quotes okay)

David: "Well you know what gang, we did our best. You don't always win the 3-legged race. You did a wonderful job!"

Then there's a bit where they talk about Spencer's time at summer camp:

David: "ooooh hand-holding's pretty serious!"

David is too pure.

David: [dreamily] "Did you fall in love, Spencer? A summer love?" [puts hands up to his face]

Then there's the fact that David/Miles gets to pick where they play each round, and he keeps insisting on going to the one called "Survey Camp" every single time because it has the word "camp" in it.

David: "Now, I don't like to disagree, but . . . I was thinking we could go . . . to Survey Camp!"

Spencer reminds him that technically since David's the one with the power to choose, his opinion is the only one that matters:

David: "Everyone's opinion matters. And my opinion is we're going to camp."

David just steamrolling over Spencer's interests is very good. There are these little selfish nuggets sprinkled in among the wholesomeness that really capture the full David experience.

David: "Well, he's climbing up . . . he's coming my direction . . . oh, he looks scary . . ."

Spencer: "Is he coming towards me?"

David: "Oooh, I don't know. I'm dead!"

The positivity is relentless. I think Miles said on twitter afterwards that this whole thing was exhausting and I can see why. Being David is no picnic . . .

David: "I have a question: do we have to shoot each other in this game?"

And then a few seconds later:

David: "I'm just wondering if maybe there's a way we can, you know, help others. Talk through our issues."

And a few seconds after that:

David: "I was asking if they wanted to be friends in the game!"

I believe that moved killed him, too. Precious.

Also we're interrupting the real Miles!David content to share something my friend suggested to me while I was watching this and giving her quotes; she said that maybe David just calls everything camp to make life more fun, and then sent me this imaginary exchange that actually killed me all the way to death:

David: Gwen Santos would you go to marriage camp with me

Gwen: I'm going to have to change this story when I tell everyone

It made me laugh quite a bit.

Anyway, back to the video!

Spencer: "How do you sign up for [Camp Campbell]?"

David: "Well, um, you can fax, uh, an application to CameronCCampbell@hotmail.realwebsite.noreallyrealwebsite.com. And . . . you can know that myself and Gwen and Quartermaster and sometimes Mr. Campbell will do our best to make sure they get what they need! Which more than anything is love and support. And friendship."

Spencer: "How many dollars does this camp cost?"

David: "You know . . . it is, um . . ."

And then the conversation switches subjects and David breathes a sigh of relief.

Very shortly after this he changed his character from a woman (she was wearing a yellow shirt, which he liked because the campers wear yellow shirts) to "a Forward Scout with a positive attitude!"

"I like his style."

Spencer: "Does everybody abuse David verbally?"

David: "You know, sometimes people have harsh words. Mostly Max, and Neil, and Gwen, and Quartermaster, and Nurf."

Spencer: "Did you just list almost everyone?"

David: "Mmm . . . I'd say maybe a third."

Poor David. Somebody please protect him.

Spencer: "Yeah, I think people abuse David. I get that vibe. Or at least, I feel it in my heart. Like I wanna put ants in your bunk or something."

David: "Well, I think that says more about maybe some of the hurt you're carrying with you. And sometimes when people don't know how to process that, they act out. Do you want some trail mix?"

David just said his favorite part of trail mix is the raisins which is so cute. "They have a little bit of salt on them, which isn't typical for a raisin."

And he keeps telling chatters to watch their language.

David: "Who is my favorite camper? Aww, you know I couldn't pick a favorite! . . . But I know who has the most potential, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

I KNEW IT!!!!!

I've been saying for years that David doesn't have a favorite and gravitates towards the ones he thinks need him the most AND I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT!

David: "Well you know, Gwen swears and that's okay."

shipping intensifies

David: [gasp] "The moss is growing on the north side of the rock!"

Every time he nerds out about weird shit in the game I gain 3 seconds to my life.

Spencer: "Did you get teabagged?"

David: "What's that?"

Spencer: "It's where somebody places their most intimate bits on you for . . . friendship."

David: [softly] "Oh, I don't know about that."

Also David confirms that the whole show has been a single summer, so please see the "vindication" gif above.

David: "I know a lot of fun camp songs."

Spencer: "Sing 3."

David: [starts singing] "Bum-bum-bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna . . ."

Spencer: "Okay, please stop. I immediately regret this decision."

David: "Max said the same thing! One of my campers. And, uh, and my co-counselor, Gwen."

He's literally made of sunshine. I would die for this fictional man.

Spencer: "Are people at camp against their will? I feel like they are."

David: "No! . . . They don't always like it immediately, but it grows on them."

Spencer: "It sounds like they're there against their will."

David: "Well I just think that's a negative way of looking at it."

FWIW Spencer makes an excellent foil to David. Not as aggressive as Max or as dour as Gwen, but he brings a very . . . like, straight-man energy to the conversation. Like how a normal person would react to David IRL. I'd enjoy seeing these two interact more.

Spencer: "It's like your overpositivity is wanting me to balance it out with negativity."

David: "You know, I feel like that dynamic's pretty popular with me."

eeeeeeee <3

And the last one that I personally found noteworthy:

David: "One day we'll be able to afford safety equipment. Until then, we'll just have to deal with Quartermaster's Ropes Course. And a lot of pillows."

There's point near the last 20 minutes where either it got kinda boring or I just got too tired to keep track. But if there are any quotes you think I missed, please share them! This was a really lovely bit of content to feed our starving maw, and I appreciate Miles very very very much for taking one for the team.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

It's been a while, but the Undertaker role on Friday night among us got me thinking!

The glitch where a player doesn't die instantly after being injured happens again, this time to Etho. He's in shock at first and can't communicate what's going on, and the Undertaker imposter (pick who might go best with Etho) starts to drag him away. The Imposter quickly realises that somehow, horribly, this guy isn't actually dead, and makes a snap decision to drag him to the medbay and try to save him rather than hiding the body, knowing they'll probably get seen on the way and have their cover blown. Whether or not the Imposter succeeds in their first aid attempt is up to you!

(Also gives room to explain Etho's absense that night with him having to recover from the glitch! Fluffy recovery opportunities!)

yay for the return of the long-and-painful-death glitch! lol

technically a sequel to this one

...

  It’s the first match of the session and the tension is palpable. The newest role has everyone quietly excited: the Undertaker role, allowing an imposter to move a body from one place to another. It’s such a simple thing and yet, as with all the special roles, it could be a game-changer. 

  Crewmate Etho is on his own again, monitoring the cameras in security. There’s six people left and even though they’ve already ejected Impulse, Etho isn’t completely convinced it was him. He has two suspects in mind, and he wants to make sure he knows where they are. 

  But all of a sudden, he hears the vent flap open and he spins around…

  ...just in time to see a flash of green and feel a sharp pain in his stomach. 

  Etho sinks to his knees, pressing his hand against the wound to try and help the pain. He lets himself collapse to the floor, the agony dulling his senses and threatening to pull him under. He’s not even attempting to stem the blood flow; he knows he’ll be dead in seconds. 

  But seconds go by.

  A minute.

  He doesn’t die.

  His mind is fuzzy. But he knows something is wrong. He just can’t do anything about it except lie on the ground and slowly bleed out.

  Eventually, something takes hold of him under the arms and starts to drag him away. Even though he’s seconds from death, he feels a bolt of panic and he lets out a groan.

  Immediately, the grip on him is released and at the same time, he hears a quiet yelp: “HOLY fu-!”

  A very brief pause.

  “E-Etho…? Are you… alive…?”

  This time, Etho can’t muster another noise. But as he attempts to move his hand, arm, leg, anything, his chest spasms and he lets out an involuntary cough.

  “Oh my actual god, you ARE alive…!”

  Etho is able to identify the voice now, and it’s one of the people he suspected of being the imposter. 

  But before he can make another attempt to speak or move, Brody takes hold of him again and continues dragging him. More panic hits him; Brody must be the Undertaker but he knows Etho’s not dead, so where is he taking him? He wishes he could look but when he opens his eyes, the world around him is still too fuzzy for him to register where he is.

  Finally, Brody stops dragging him and heaves him up. Etho can’t work out what Brody is trying to do until he registers a soft surface below him and he realises.

  Brody has brought him to medbay.

  “Stay with me, Etho,” Brody murmurs, hurriedly collecting up first aid supplies. The benefit of being an imposter here is the fact that he’s able to shut the medbay doors to ensure he’s not disturbed. 

  But he realises there are two people who need to know about this. 

  Thankfully, one of them vents into the room just as Brody is cutting open Etho’s shirt to access the wound. 

  “Brody, what on earth are you doing?” Astro demands. “What is this?”

  Brody fixes him with such a serious look that a chill runs down Astro’s spine. “Astro, there’s been a glitch. When you stabbed Etho, he didn’t quite die.”

  Astro stares at him in shock. “Wh-What?”

  “He’s still alive and suffering horrible pain. Astro, I need you to go get Evil.”

  Astro, frozen in horror at what he’s caused, doesn’t move.

  “Go get Evil!” snaps Brody, giving him a quick push. “Just GO!”

  Managing to shake himself into action, Astro jumps back into the vent.

  Brody turns back to Etho and finishes cleaning up the wound. Unfortunately, the majority of the machinery in medbay is just for show, so he can’t assess any internal injuries Etho has. But all he really needs to do is keep Etho alive until the game ends. 

  As Brody is patching up the wound, the medbay doors slide open and Astro reappears, followed by Evil. Astro closes the medbay doors again while Evil dashes over to the bed, his worried eyes asking a silent question.

  “It happened again,” Brody confirms. 

  “Again?!” Astro bursts out. “This has happened before?”

  Evil nods slowly, ignoring Astro. “You two are the imposters, then?” 

  “Yeah. But I don’t care about that now. I just need to keep Etho alive until the game ends. The post-game process will heal him.”

  “Guys, WHAT are you talking about?” Astro demands. “What’s going on?”

  Brody huffs annoyedly. “Evil, catch him up.”

  As Evil explains, Brody finishes patching up Etho’s injury and starts to wrap a bandage around his body. Throughout all of this, Etho has remained pale and still, prompting Brody to continually check his pulse. He’s still alive, but barely. Brody’s treatment is helping him cling onto life. 

  Evil appears back at Etho’s side. “How is he?”

  “Hanging in there. Where’s Astro?”

  Evil points over at the corner near the vent, where Astro is sitting against the wall with his knees drawn to his chest, his face buried in his hands.

  “What’s wrong with him?” 

  As a response, Evil simply gestures to Etho.

  After a moment, Brody sighs and hands the tail end of the bandage to Evil. “Finish this off for me quickly.”

  He joins Astro in the corner and crouches down next to him, awkwardly placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “This isn’t your fault, Astro,” he says.

  “How is this not my fault?” Astro responds despondently, his voice muffled through his hands. “I caused this.”

  “You were playing the game. There’s no way you could’ve known this would happen.”

  He doesn’t get a response to this, so he gently pulls Astro’s hands away from his face, forcing his friend to look him in the eye. “Astro. You can’t blame yourself for this, okay? Etho is gonna be fine. And going by what happened last time, he won’t even remember that this happened.”

  “But I will, won’t I?” asks Astro quietly. 

  “Actually, I’m not sure,” Brody admits. “Impulse was the imposter in this situation last time and as far as I know, he never found out what happened.”

  “Oh. So even though Etho won’t remember me stabbing him and leaving him to bleed out very slowly, I actually might?”

  Brody nods reluctantly. “You might.”

  Astro lets put a low groan. “I feel sick…” 

  “Brody?” calls Evil at that moment, his voice low and shaky.

  Brody turns his head. “What?”

  “He- He’s not breathing.” 

  Brody’s stomach drops and he shoots forward so fast he almost trips over. He rushes back to Etho’s side and checks his friend’s pulse using both his wrist and his neck. 

  He finds nothing. 

  Touching Etho’s hand, he finds his friend’s skin cold already, confirming what he already knows to be true. 

  A muted noise comes from Astro as he turns away. 

  As Brody hangs his head, Evil reaches over and gently touches his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. 

  “We need to end this game,” says Brody, forcing himself to keep his voice steady. “Now.”

  With almost no hesitation, Evil says, “One of you kill me.”

  Brody glances sharply at him. “What?”

  “There’s five of us left, right? Etho was the sixth. So there’s five left now. Kill me and end the game.”

  “Are you sure?” asks Brody hesitantly. “The glitch might happen again.” 

  “I’m sure,” Evil responds firmly. “Like you said, we need to end it. It’ll take too long to just vote you guys out; I’m standing right here so you may as well end it by killing me.” He glances over at his friend. “Astro?”

  “No,” says Astro shakily. 

  “Astro, it’s okay.”

  “No it’s NOT!” Astro’s voice rises. “You think I can bear causing so much pain and suffering to two of my friends in the same game?! I’m NOT killing you!” 

  Evil quickly nods. “Okay, I understand. Brody?”

  “Aren’t I in the same boat?” Brody says. “Do you really trust me to do it properly?”

  “Yeah, I do.” Evil gives a brave smile. “I trust you, Brody. With my life.”

  Ignoring the twinge in his chest, Brody draws his gun and aims it directly at Evil. “Okay. Good luck.”

  Taking a deep breath, Brody fires. 

  BANG.

  And luckily this time, the game acts as it’s supposed to. 

  As soon as Brody respawns in the lobby, he rushes over to his friend. “Etho, hey. You good?”

  “Me?” Etho blinks. “Yeah, why?”

  Brody gives a slow nod. “Nothing. Just checking.”

  He draws Evil aside to a corner of the lobby. “Okay, Etho definitely doesn’t remember,” he confirms.”

  “Does Astro?” asks Evil.

  Brody glances over at their green-clad friend, who’s leaning against the wall, arms folded and eyes staring blankly out into space.

  “...I think he might.”

  Evil and Brody approach Astro, who glances numbly at them as they get closer. “I remember,” is all he says. 

  “So the crewmate in the situation won’t remember what happened but the imposter will,” says Brody thoughtfully. “Interesting. I wonder why that is?”

  “I don’t really care,” Astro responds bluntly. “I just want to forget that whole thing ever happened.”

  “No, this is good. Kinda. It means you’re now part of our little trifecta of people who know about the glitch. Evil and I promised each other last time that if we experience this again as imposter, we’ll go find each other and let them know, even if we’re the imposter.” He fixes his friends with a serious look. “This is a dangerous glitch. Astro, promise me that if this does happen to you again, you’ll come find one of us.”

  Astro watches him for a moment, before slowly nodding. “Okay. I- Hey, Etho’s leaving.”

  Brody turns just in time to see Etho leave the lobby. Frowning, he quickly follows Etho out and catches him just going down the corridor. “Etho, wait!”

  Etho pauses and glances back. “Oh, hey. I just let Tango know I had to leave; I’m suddenly not feeling too great.”

  “O-Oh.” Brody stares at him. “I’m sorry to hear that. Feel better.”

  “Thanks. See you.”

  Brody watches his friend disappear round the corner, his mind racing. This has NEVER happened before. Etho has never felt unwell this early in a session before — or really ever. Surely it’s no coincidence considering what happened last round? Even though his brain doesn’t remember what happened, maybe his body does. 

  Or maybe his code does. 

[knockknockchicagopd]

❛ JUST A ONE-NIGHT STAND? ❜

❚❙ HANK VOIGHT MASTERLIST.

❚❙ WORDS: about 1k.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place, or something that it makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted.

❚❙ GIF credits: to @jayhalsstead.

❚❙ If you want to be added to my tag list, send me a message.

You're trying to be more silent than ever in your life, checking for the fifth time the hour on your phone. Outside, Chicago is still submerged under the cold night but you have to go first to your house to take a shower and change your clothes. Putting on the black dress you were wearing, before Hank took it off in a tipsy state, you pick up your things in your bag making sure you don't forget anything. Yesterday was an intensive day for the two of you and you drank too much. That's how you ended up tangled in his sheets.

Grabbing your jacket and your shoes, you step out from his room, leaving the door almost closed. You don't want to wake him up, aware that it's his day off and that he doesn't have any necessity to get up at six in the morning. So, taking so much care walking downstairs, you abandon the house putting on your shoes once on the porch. The fresh air of November fills up your lungs, alleviating somehow the strong headache hitting your whole anatomy.

Driving back to your house, enjoy how emptied are the streets at this point of the day, you can't take off from your mind the fact that you have fucked one of your bosses. Technically, he's not directly, because you're just another cop in the 21st District and he runs the Intelligence Unit. But if he needs you on a mission, he turns automatically into your boss. Anyhow, you're fucked up if someone figures out what has happened. And it's not only about that, but about the feelings you have for him. You don't talk about love, but about something else than just a physical attraction.

Shaking your head as you reach your house, sooner than expected, you hold your bag and your jacket with a hand ready to use the free one to grab your keys.

“(Y/L/N)! You're late”.

Only. One. Minute. It's seven in the morning and one damn minute and Platt is already complaining, as your partner is next to the main desk waiting for you to patrol the district. Running faster than ever to the locker room, you place your bag inside your blue compartment, to wear over the uniform the body armor and your badge. You haven't even had time to drink a coffee and you need it like air to continue living right now. Hurry, but a little sleepy yet, you step out from the police station zipping your jacket to finally start your shift.

And of course, you can't stop thinking about Hank. About what he will think when he wakes up alone in his bed. Will he call you? Will he text you? Will he say something to you tomorrow, when he returns to work? Finding your heart racing and somekind of anxiety in your chest, you have to shake your head slightly. It's not possible that you're really falling in love after a one-night stand with that man. He was good. Pretty good, you're not going to deny it. But love? That's a big deal.

“Hey, you okay?” Ashton inquires, bringing you back to reality.

Nodding with your lips pressed, you raise up your eyes from your trembling hands to the front, rubbing them against your thighs.

“You disappeared early last night from Molly's”. Turning the corner, keeping a low pace while he drives, you try to find an excuse.

I went to another bar because I wanted to be alone and ended up being fucked by Hank Voight might be a little rude.

“I was tired… you know, long day”. Nervously laughing, you just shrug your shoulders.

The morning continues uneventfully, being allowed to be back to the police station after three hours of shift, to have a break of twenty minutes. You don't know how it has been possible for you to survive without any caffeine in your organism. But you could kill anyone right now, if they stop you on your way to the common lounge to have a cup of black coffee that gives you life every day.

You can't help but gasp closing your eyes as soon as the aroma fills up your lungs, but your wrist is grabbed by another hand coming behind you, when you're about to drink a sip. Putting away the mug from your fingers, Hank rests his waist against the counter with a serious and upset grimace installed on his face. He offers you a large white cup of take-away coffee that smells like heaven.

“Colombian coffee, from the best cafeteria in Chicago”.

His raspy voice gives you some shivers, feeling your cheeks burning ashamed. But when you are about to grab it, his hand goes back some inches.

“It's the first and the last time you leave my bed without waking me up”. He demands then, knowing that he isn't joking. “You hear me?”

“Loud and clear”.

That's everything you're able to utter, taking the cup to have a long sip. The hot liquid warms your whole body, falling down your throat and flooding your stomach. Hank takes the advantage to pull down a little the black turtle neck covering your skin, to check triumphantly that the bruise he drew last night is still there. A fleeting smile curves his mouth, just for one second, before leaning forward and kissing you. A soft touch enough to taste the coffee impregnated on your lips.

“I like it more now”. He whispers, keeping his eyes glued on yours.

“(Y/L/N), are you ready? Platt has given me anot— whoa, sorry”. Ashton stops his tracks with a hand on the doorknob.

Luckily, Hank has been faster, pulling himself away before your partner could see anything.

“Don't fuck it up again, okay?” He asks pointing at you with his forefinger.

Just nodding, you gulp before licking your bottom lip.

“Johnson”. The greet comes from his mouth as he turns around, before leaving the common room, watching him walk straight upstairs to his office.

“Everything okay?”

“Uh? Yeah, yeah! Don't worry. Let's see what Platt has for us now”.

Muddle through as fast as you can, you don't even give him the chance to ask from where you have got that coffee, passing him away with one of his brows raised up confused and curious at the same time.

[sophsicle]

Which do you consider is the biggest flaw in James and Regulus as human beings? (in choices ofc)

OKAY, I've been thinking about this question a lot because I couldn't figure out how to word what I wanted to say, but I think I've got it so here we go: James's biggest flaw is that he acts on his emotions. He doesn't really think things through. And I want to be clear that while yes, this is partially because he has a big heart and he feels very deeply about everything and everyone, it's also because he's lived a very privileged life. James has lived a life where he can just do whatever feels right to him without thinking about the consequences. And in a way that's a very selfish / self-centred way to approach things. We see this with Regulus very clearly on two occasions; one, when James flies to Grimmauld Place despite Regulus's consistent warnings about how dangerous it would be for his family to learn about the connection between them. Luckily he runs into Narcissa who cares about Regulus in her own way and therefore lets it go. But if it had been Bellatrix? Or Lucius? Or Rodolphus? Or Walburga? There would have been serious consequences for James and Regulus. The second instance is this last chapter, where James goes after Lucius. Which, you know, obviously we all want to punch Lucius in the face, but again Regulus has expressed to James how precarious his place in that family is and James just disregards that because HE feels upset about what happened to Regulus. In that moment even though he's technically doing it "for" Regulus, he isn't actually thinking about anything except how Lucius makes HIM feel. And we see how that puts Regulus in this horrible position, which James probably could have seen coming if he had thought about it for like five more seconds. Regulus's biggest flaw is both the opposite of James's and kind of related? His flaw is his apathy. I think as a coping mechanism or a form of self-preservation Regulus has taken a rather apathetic view of life. He doesn't really care very much about things that aren't immediately or directly connected to him. Regulus doesn't care about the war. He doesn't really care if people die as long as they're not his people (or as long as he isn't killing them). He doesn't really care about who the good guys or the bad guys are. Those larger moral stances just don't matter to him. I think this is partially the result of growing up in a house where bad things happened all the time, and if he were to go all James (or Sirius) and feel upset about all those bad things he would be overwhelmed. So he just trains himself not to care (again kind of the opposite of how Sirius deals with the situation). He's able to survive in that house for so long by being apathetic. Sirius, on the other hand, can't - he either has to get out or die there. Hopefully some of that made sense! I'm still not sure that I'm 100% articulating this properly but I don't want this ask to sit in my drafts forever so here we are!

[notfeelingthyaster]

Imagine (Son of Hades! Percy; Godswapped! Big Three's kids) Mark of Athena Pt. 2 AU (4/7) or (9/12)

So yeah it got... big. I wasn't expecting it - but sure! Here it comes part 2 of 3 of 5! Check the masterpost before reading - it's essential for the understanding. And read the warnings before proceeding. Enjoy and leave reviews and suggestions :))

Hazel, Leo, Frank, and Perseus go back to the Argo II, to find Piper trying to wrangle the Cornucopia into not just dropping mountains of food.

Perseus tries to help - and between him and Jason, who is the son of a fertility god after all - they manage to get a picnic - which, great because it's already evening and they're all hungry teenagers.

That's when they discover that's Jason's birthday - the 23 of July, coincidentally, Neptunalia - and begin to swarm him. It's shocking that he never had a birthday party - or birthday cake. The Romans don't care about it - their prowess in the training fields is what marks them as children or men.

Perseus - who was kidnapped in mid-November, months after his birthday - is internally shocked - but can do nothing about it.

He doesn't think he could give anything useful to Jason in such short notice - so Perseus promises to, after this all ends, take him to see something new - perhaps Cairo? He is sure Carter would be happy to see him.

Ah, yes. The Kanes - one of his only adventures in between those two big prophecies. He went - with Nico of all people - to help the Egyptian sorcerers - and almost ended up possessed by Sadie's god boyfriend's mother. Overall, a bizarre experience.

And he never wants to share a body with Neftis again. It's weird, it's bizarre, he doesn't like it, he gets body disphoria - no.

Even though the Egyptian Underworld is really cool - there are a lot of snakes down there. And a lot of space - which is weird, because Hades also takes a lot of space. Are these hells in different dimensions?

That's not even counting the time he and Thalia mind-wiped a Titan - with Lethe's water of all things. He left Bob/Iapetus under Persephone's care - and then promptly disappeared. Not literally - Perseus just had no time for the titan, and it's something he regrets deeply.

Maybe after this all ends, he can go visit Bob and the Kanes. Maybe it's time the pantheons are no longer apart.

Perseus knows that all pantheons eventually cross - Isis is as Greek as she is Egyptian - but they don't talk about it. They pretend their Isis and the greek one are different - while the goddess has so many aspects she might as well be a thousand different deities.

Is there a Hindi pantheon? A Polynesian one? Is Amaterasu real? The Orixás? Quetzalcóatl? The Nordics? Are the Celtics aspects of the Norse? What about the Welsh? How many Underworlds exist? If any worshiped god appears - does God with a capital G exists? Perseus is going to find out. But now he has more pressing issues right now.

Leo doesn't want to discuss Nemesis, but, after singing happy birthday to a very embarrassed Jason (who is probably pondering the implications of Perseus' offer - Leo is pretty sure the guy isn't asking his bestie in a date, but who is he to shatter his buddy's delusions?), Perseus corners him.

He doesn't know what to do about the price - he isn't sure of much. Perseus promises that nothing will harm him under his watch. It's weird - Nobody ever cared about Leo before. Perseus hugs him - the first time he starts a hug himself - and Leo feels like, maybe, that's what having a family feels like.

He wonders if Charles Beckendorf was for Perseus what Perseus is trying to be for him - he wonders if Percy is doing this out of guilt. Leo can't complain - the arms feel warm around him.

Percy and he return to the party, to see Piper in a panic. She asked Katoptris for a way to Nico - under Hazel's prompting - and it showed her a vision of Nova Roma organizing the army to invade Camp Half-Blood - Reyna is stalling them, but not for long. She prays for Perseus to come back - she can't do this with no allies.

The reason for it is apparently the abduction and coercion of two of their praetors, their General and a Centurion - enough to start a war. Perseus could shadow travel back - but it would take at least a week to come and go - and they do not have a week. Any Iris Messaging would be useless - they would think he controlled by Piper.

So they go to sleep, hands tied. Doesn't Octavian see they have bigger fish to fry? Lady Terra, Gaea, is out there - planning to destroy everything. He might as well be on league with her.

Perseus sleeps and has another one of his prophetic dreams. It's a giant - one he doesn't recognize - explaining to Ephialtes why do they need Perseus.

Apparently, to wake up Gaea, they need a mortal son of the Earth and a mortal daughter of the Sea. Daughters of the sea are easy to find - all children of Aphrodite are technically from the sea - but children of the Earth can only be children of Hades or Pluto.

And she tried other options - they tried to sacrifice a son of Demeter and a daughter of Venus Victrix - but it wasn't enough. The power in their blood was too diluted, their connection to life only enough to give Gaea this bare level of awareness that she uses to torture them. To wake up completely, she would need Perseus' blood - Perseus' and Piper's - the strongest daughter of Aphrodite alive.

Gaea voice taunts him from somewhere, telling him to not worry - she took the girl who loves him forever, that Annabeth and Malcolm will no longer be a problem.

The vision changes and shows a spiral staircase near the forum, and Perseus can hear their voices screaming - but he knows there's the place they need to go if they want to find Nico. He is not scared - he went through worse. Perseus has no time to dwell in Gaea's taunts - it's probably just her messing with his mind again.

He wakes up and tells his dreams to Jason. They decide they should go - and take Piper and Hazel - the more involved with this side quest of theirs - with them.

Jason goes first - he breathes underwater, and looking at the giant well, Perseus is almost regretting coming. When he comes back, he tells them he had found something, which turns out to be a Nymphaeum.

The nymph Hagno - who Perseus mentally calls old Hag - and others - the nine nymphs that watched over Zeus with Gaea when he was born - appear and flood the chamber with evil water - they say it's payment - the gods' own them. Perseus can see where Zeus' entitlement comes from.

He starts to panic - he shouldn't have come. He hates water - he is going to drown here, under this muddy water that looks way to much like the muskeg for his liking. Hazel is trying to calm him - with no success because she starts panicking too - she is a child of the sky, after all.

The nymphs begin to drain the three of their power, stealing Jason's control over water, Perseus' control over the earth, Hazel's control over electricity, and Piper's beauty in order to be young again.

Perseus is so tired that he keeps paying for the gods' debts, that he keeps giving and repairing their mistakes - that these people keep throwing their grudges unto them. He just wants to let go - die, finally, but they will just throw their problems to new innocent people.

Because Perseus is innocent. They all are - they are children! This can't keep happening, the gods can't keep throwing their shit onto them! And there's no stopping it - he thought last time he solved everything, but alas, he can't solve every little squabble the gods start.

He helped the demigods and minor gods. And then there are nymphs, dryads, satyrs, fauns, centaurs, spirits, personifications, titans, children of titans, primordials, rivers, monsters. An array of immortal beings who would keep on asking, keep on holding eternal grudges that demigods would pay for.

There is no number of wishes that could ever solve this. They would have to reform the whole Olympus - to be the ones making the decisions. To be the ones to stop sending twelve-year-olds in harrowing death missions.

Maybe, this time, Perseus should become a god. Maybe if he is the one judging, he might be able to help. He might be able to stop the gods from doing stupid decisions that only prejudice their kids.

But what if he can't? What if he becomes one of them? Is he prepared to lose everyone he cares about? He was always a loner - but is he able to leave everyone behind? His friends? His mother?

While Perseus wallows in his own panic and misery, Piper comes up with the idea to funnel all their positive thoughts into the Cornucopia, which releases the positive emotions as clean water. It's lucky they have Hazel and Jason - because Perseus is in a very dark place right now.

As the three release almost all their power into the Cornucopia, the nymphs become young again and spare them, as the power they gave them as a gift, and they restore the four back to full strength, as well as telling them the location of Otis and Ephialtes.

Perseus doesn't take this as an apology. He doesn't think it's enough - the nymphs tortured them for their own sake and act as if it's a favor that they restored them - and he has a grudge.

They took from them - and didn't give anything back. A little bit of information and the powers that are already theirs? The hags steal their powers and give them back - and think this is mercy?

Perseus is going to show them what mercy is like. As soon as they are out of the Nymphaeum, the earth trembles - he makes the whole thing collapse into an opening in the earth. He is sending all of them directly to Hades - they took from him and had the gall to tell him to be grateful.

The others in his group look at him worriedly, like he is going to kill them next. Perseus is okay with that - it's not the first time someone hates him because of what he can do. He tells himself it doesn't hurt.

It's a lie.

They go back to the ship. The sun is rising - Hazel gives the others the bare bones of the story, leaving out the part where Perseus freaked out and killed ten nymphs out of rage.

No one asks why they are so tense - why Perseus stormed to the training arena and didn't left since, why Jason doesn't make eye contact with anyone else, why Piper went to her room in silence.

Jason goes to talk with Perseus later - Percy doesn't want to talk. They spar twice before the son of Hades' relents and cries - he didn't want to kill anyone, he just wanted someone to pay.

Jason tells him no one hates him. That those nymphs were monsters - empty platitudes. Perseus says how much he hates drowning - Jason shares how much darkness scares him sometimes.

Piper comes in halfway and lays down on the floor with them, and shares how it's still hard for her to feel like herself - to look at her body and see a girl. How she hopes one day to have the right parts, to be able to wear what she likes and don't feel like a boy.

Leo is the next to wander in - "Are we sharing traumatic life stories?" - and tells them how much he still feels dumb, inferior to those around him - the way his fire always damned him. Frank comes next - him and the peril of ever dying, the crippling anxiety of a piece of wood.

Will is the last to join in. Will tells them about being the responsible one - how it was hard when Lee lost his arm, when Michael died and he was only thirteen.

He tells them how Lee got depression after Michael died and the one-armed boy couldn't help, couldn't save his brother. Will tells them about how he fears for his twelve siblings - how he is the youngest acting counselor because his only older brother doesn't leave his bed anymore.

They just lay there on the floor, together. Until Hazel appears - she had a vision. Nico has no more time. They thought they had some hours more to mindstorm - but alas, it's time.

Not everyone can go - it's a rescue mission, a stealth one at that. And Leo needs time to steer the ship towards the giants. So Perseus, Jason, and Hazel go after her little brother - and Frank, Leo, Piper, and Will will meet them there.

The trio finds the cage - suspended meters over the air. Hazel uses her powers over energy to bring it down - the metal is so overcharged that is simple for her, while Jason battle the two giant eagles with a mini hurricane.

Hazel frees her brother - who is barely breathing - and it seems too easy. The giants appear - and while they cannot kill Perseus, their onslaught against the other two is immediate.

Perseus fights against Ephialtes while Jason battles Otis. Hazel stands guard over her frère's prone body - no one is taking any more family from her.

It's a sight to go down in the myths - Jason is fighting with his sword - Undisonos - against Otis. His chest keeps emitting a sound - the siren song - which keeps distracting the giant, while they strike against one another.

Perseus is not doing worse - stone spikes appear every time Ephialtes tries to stab him - shadows curl around the giant's throat, strangling it.

Ephialtes taunts Perseus - says Annabeth and Malcolm are already lost, already gone. That this is his legacy - causing the death of his friends. It only serves to push him further.

In the midst of the battle, a hydra appears - and Perseus has no qualms in spearing each of its heads with a stone spike, before burning them with hellish fire, draining his powers to kill Ephialtes before the giant destroys him.

Hazel gets caught in the earth trembling - and passes out by Nico, who has no forces to defend her. It's Jason who ends up defending both of them, after a well-localized jab into Otis sternum.

It's not enough - they start to reform immediately, seeing the lack of a god's help. Perseus - who is sustaining himself into the wall and can feel at least four broken ribs and a twisted ankle - rages. He doesn't stop when Dionysus appears.

Dionysus is not Bacchus - he isn't a mindless drunk. But he is a selfish bastard - and says he will only help if they entertain him enough.

Perseus wants to scream, didn't they entertain the gods enough?! Didn't he die enough for them, for their cushioned, easy lives?! Didn't he do enough?! He lost all his teenage years - his whole life - to keep their asses safe, from Hyperion, Kronos, mythical monsters, his own friends.

Jason and Perseus agree to fight together this time and charge the two - both of them at the same time, both equally about to drop down - but rage fuel both of them.

Perseus is drawing strength from the earth below - the same earth that reforms the giants again and again - while Jason pulls force from the river behind them.

Jason blasts the giants with a wave that can only be compared to a small tsunami causing the fake mountain the two were holding to fall on Ephialtes.

Otis charges the two and Perseus trembles the earth, throwing him into the lake, and the two slash at him - Perseus with his ax, Jason with his sword. Jason then uses the water to keep the dust from reforming.

It's like fighting with an extension of themselves - where Perseus fails to block, Jason appears - when Jason misses a step, Perseus is there to cover him. The earth starts to shake - stronger this time - and they know they are doing this together.

Ephialtes then escapes from the fake mountain and charges the two, but they are keeping up. It's difficult, however - Perseus is drained to the point of exhaustion, and Jason is only going because of the water behind him.

A misstep and Ephialtes almost takes Jason's head off. Perseus is only safe because Gaea needs him - for her sacrifice, for her everything.

But the Argo II appears overhead and blasts the giant with Greek Fire from the cannons. Leo is whooping from the balustrade with sunglasses perched at his nose - Perseus can faintly hear "Fireworks" from Katy Perry blasting from inside the ship, and wonders if he has already lost any of his remaining sanity.

Dionysus considers that the show was entertaining enough, and finishes both giants with his Thyrsus, claiming the victory to himself. Perseus resists the urge to punch him - he is getting way better at this.

Before he leaves, he confirms Ephialtes words - Annabeth and Malcolm will be lost to the weaver - and tells them where to find them.

Back on board, Nico - under the care of Will, who can barely touch the over-energized guy - tells them he was captured by the twin giants as he looked for the Doors of Death.

He tells them he never found the other side - for he could not go into Tartarus - but the earthly side - close to where he was captured - was in the House of Hades - heavily protected by monsters.

Perseus thinks that only he will be able to go into Tartarus - they have to close the Doors both ways, after all. But there's no returning - and no way for him to survive down there.

Will this be his legacy? Dying in an Underworld wasteland, alone? Nico looks at him and must catch what he is thinking, because when everybody leaves the infirmary, Nico holds his wrist.

"Don't do it, Percy-..." He coughs "Please don't do anything stupid. I can't lose you."

"How could I?" Perseus answers "You carrying all the stupid with you. How could you think it was okay to just-..."

"Promise me, Percy" Nico interrupts, as seriously as he can. "I know I did a lot, and you probably hate me..."

"I don't hate you, Di Angelo" Perseus sighs. "I promise you - you'll never lose me okay? I didn't come all this way to save your ass for nothing."

And he leaves, still uncertain. Is it worth it? Could they find a better way? Or does he need to die - over and over again? Were the Fates mad the first prophecy didn't take him?

Annabeth tricks Arachne - and is tricked back by her own hubris against her brother, who keeps telling her to shut up, taunting the already defeated monster - who ends up opening the hole into Tartarus.

They blast a hole into a parking lot - just in time to rescue the children of Athena, who partially already rescued themselves.

"Hey, Wise Girl"

"Hey, Corpse Breath"

Everyone works together to load the statue into the ship. This time, there's two children of Athena. This time, there are ten people in the ship. This time, Nico has never walked into Tartarus.

But in somethings, history never changes: Arachne attaches a thread to Annabeth's weak leg. She tries to bring the child of Athena to the pit with her. But Perseus - who is just behind her - is quicker.

Perseus uses the shadows - with the last of his reserves - to pull Annabeth back, cutting the thread linking her to the pit with his ax. Annabeth is safe - one of her hands holds to the ladder.

But Perseus is not.

He flickers - like a ghost. These were the last of his energies, and he topples backward, into the Pit. A hand holds on to him - Nico. He tries to fly them out - but he is still too weak.

It's time.

"It was always supposed to be that way, wasn't it?"

Nico holds on in despair - he can feel hands holding his calves, trying to push them back - But Perseus is muscular and tall, and there's no one to help.

"No, no, Percy, don't you dare to let go, don't you dare!"

It was always his destiny - the one who sacrifices himself for everyone else. Nico thinks that, if Perseus doesn't ask for his own peace this time, he might ask on his behalf.

"Someone needs to close it from the other side. I am the only one who can."

There's a smile upon his lips - resigned to his fate. There are tears on Nico's eyes. The hand slips.

"You promised!"

He can hear Annabeth screaming, trying to get to them. The floor is too slippery. Nico feels Perseus slipping - the boy flickers again, like a ghost.

"Di Angelo, please"

A figurine of Zeus. A pavilion full of spartoi. Grover telling him stories. A white cell in Olympus. Green eyes flashing black. An invincible demigod against a thousand monsters.

"No, no, I won't fail you, not again!"

A greek with no memories in a toga, a fist punching his face, the warmth of a hug, walking through ruins, his capture.

"Nico, let me go."

Nico's mistakes pilling up, adoration swelling in his chest like a thousand suns. Maybe that's what love feels like.

"No!"

The hand keeps slipping, the Pit pulling him in, and Perseus flickers again - his hand can barely hold on to his ax.

"I see you on the other side"

He falls.

Alone.

Silence. There's a scream caught on Nico's throat - he won't be able to recall the next minutes. Somehow he takes Annabeth back to the ship. He doesn't remember climbing the ladder.

He thinks he wants to jump after him - but restrains himself - it was not the time to play the martyr.

They ask about Perseus, but neither of them can speak - their voices are gone. The parking lot collapse.

Jason keeps asking - if Perseus has shadow travelled, if he called for Blackjack, if he got lost.

"He is gone"

Nico finally answers, because he can't take the questions anymore. They don't understand.

"Gone? Gone where?" Asks Leo, still confused.

"He fell" It's Annabeth, in shock, who replies "He... He fell in the Pit. To save me. Percy fell. He... he's gone. He is in the Pit. Oh, oh my gods Percy is in Tartarus. It's all my fault I can't - I can't, he is gone, gone!"

She starts crying copiously. Malcolm holds her - he is the only one able to do so. Jason falls onto his knees, lost to the world. Piper sits beside him in shock. Will goes overboard and vomits - he looks like he is about to pass out.

Frank supports Hazel as the girl starts crying, trying to breathe and finding no air. Leo sits - there's tears in his eyes, but a determined look in his face. He looks at Nico, as if prompting him.

"He asked us to meet him on the other side." It's everything he needs to say. No one stops crying - but everyone is startled into motion.

"Festus, raise the sails. We've got a brother to save."

They are going to the House of Hades.

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

If you wouldn't mind Prompt: Hat Kid WILL force Mu and Mafia Boss to get along for ONE PECKING DAY ON HER BIRTHDAY... even if the month doesn't technically exist on this planet. And she WILL resort to blackmail and bribery. And maybe forget everyone else she invited while she's threatening them.

Thank you for the request!

Birthday Party

“You’re here!” Hat Kid said as she hugged Mu mere seconds after she’d boarded the ship.

“Of course I’m here,” Mu said. “You honestly think I’d miss your birthday party?” She was far too excited for it to miss it. It had been so long since she’d attended a birthday party.

Hat Kid stepped back, smiling wide. “No, I’m just excited. Almost everyone’s here now.” She leaned in to speak quieter. “Even Snatcher came. He’s disguised as one of the Subconites as if that could fool me. … Okay, maybe it almost did but I hugged them all and I could feel that one of them wasn’t a plushie like the rest so it has to be him. I pretended not to notice so don’t let any of them know I know though because then he’ll probably leave.” She rocked back, resuming a normal speaking tone. “Only the Empress and Cooking Cat aren’t here.”

“Yeah uh, Cooking Cat told me to tell you that she’d going to be like an hour late because she’s got like an important thing to deal with. But did you seriously invite the Empress? Don’t you hate her?” Everything Mu knew about the Empress, Hat Kid had told her and all of that info had come with a large dose of complaining and obvious distain.

“Yep, but it’s my birthday so everyone’s invited to have a good time. But she’s been kind of afraid of me ever since that time in the elevator when I almost killed her so I’m not really surprised she didn’t come. So I can accept this. Once Cooking Cat gets here the party will be complete unless the Empress shows up late too, that’d be cool.”

Mu doubted that would happen. She’d heard the tale of the elevator incident and following court trail, there was no way the Empress would come after that. It was for the best though because according to Hat Kid, she was a gang leader, a powerful one too. Not the kind of person Mu wanted to be around.

But speaking of people, there were lots of them here, filling the central room. Along with tons of balloons in a rainbow of colours, some floating around the ceiling, others tied in bunches around the posts on the railings. There was also a table filled with food and drinks. A large multilayered cake decorated with bright pink frosting was the center piece. … Mu wanted some.

“When are you going to cut into the cake?” she asked, pointing to it.

“Uh… we can do that now, I guess. It’s apparently like a thing here, right? Blowing out the candles and making a wish? That’s what Grooves told me anyway, he made the cake by the way. I don’t think we do that were I’m from. I don’t really know though because no one every invited me to their birthday parties back home. But let’s go get some cake, I bet it’s good.” Hat Kid took Mu’s hand and brought her along as she skipped over to the table.

 -

Mu was on her second slice of cake when she remembered to take it slow. She had more food than she could ever possibly eat right there on the table free for her to take as much as she wanted and it wasn’t going to be taken away and she didn’t need to worry about starving in general because she lived with Cooking Cat now who fed her well. So she could take her time and enjoy the cake instead of stuffing her face with it until she felt sick.

So, taking a deep breath, she looked up at it to look around the room again. She’d chosen a spot on the upper walkway to eat, by the later so she could dangle her legs over the edge. She could see pretty much everyone else in the room from up here.

The Subconites were the most tightly knit group, staying all together in the corner opposite the food table. Supposedly one of them was Snatcher himself. Which one, Mu couldn’t even begin to guess, they all looked nearly identical and none of them seemed to act any different than the others. Maybe Hat Kid was mistaken? … Probably not, she claimed Snatcher was her BFF after all so she had to know him pretty well.

The bulk of the guests filling the room was a mix of owls, penguins and seals. They were all mingling and chatting. There were some mountain people too. DJ Grooves stood out amongst them because of his weird shoes and large hair. He was hanging with the Conductor which was a surprising because weren’t they supposed to be enemies? Though Hat Kid claimed they were in love despite everything Mu had heard that contradicted that. But she did know them better than Mu did so maybe she was right. The ship captain was sitting by the table, the half that had the drinks, looking like he wished those drinks were alcoholic. Maybe miserable was just how his face looked though.

But also sitting at the table, unnoticed before due to Mu’s focus on the food on the other side of the table, were four Mafia goons – one of them was the green goggled one who was actually almost kind, letting Mu get away on multiple occasions, even giving her food a few times when no one else was around, therefore making him the closest thing to a good guy in the entire Mafia – and… the Mafia Boss. He even had his body back due to Snatcher shenanigans with the dumb Death Wish contracts – threat of death or no, Mu would’ve refused to participate in those if she’d known the Mafia Boss was too because it was almost like working with him, too late now though. Considering Hat Kid had invited the Empress, this wasn’t surprising. But that didn’t mean Mu was going to tolerate it; the Mafia was her sworn enemy.

She finished the last bite of her cake before putting the plate and fork down for now. She then hopped down, landing next to an owl and seal chatting. Ignoring their surprise at her sudden drop in, she started for the Mafia. What she’d say or do when she reached them, she didn’t know nor did she really care. What mattered was that she made her displeasure known and hopefully they would leave.

She wasn’t being sneaky so it was no surprise when the Mafia Boss’ eyes locked onto her as she stepped up to the table. “You,” he said with as much hate in his voice as Mu felt for him.

“Yeah, me,” she replied. “You’re lucky there are children at this party otherwise I’d be stuffing you back into a jar where you belong.” Honestly the fact that Snatcher had undone that was so unfair.

He growled as he stood up to loom over her. As if that were frightening, especially when there was a still a table between them. “You’re the one who’s lucky here girl. I’d have your head if there weren’t so many witnesses around.”

“Uh… Mafia think that this is probably not good place to fight,” the green goggled Mafia goon cut in. “Is hat child’s birthday…”

“Shut up,” Mu and the Mafia said in near unison, resulting in an angry snarl from both of them. Before either of them could say anything else though…

“Howdy,” Hat Kid stepped in wearing a smile. “I knew you guys would see each other eventually and would try to start a fight. I’m here to tell you that you’re not allowed to because this my birthday party and everyone is going to have a good time, that means you guys need to get along and be nice to each other.”

“Hell no,” Mu said. Hat Kid could do whatever the peck she wanted to but Mu wasn’t going to sit here and ‘get along’ or ‘be nice’ to the Mafia Boss of all people. “He’s a piece of shit, you know that.”

“She stuffed me in a jar,” the Mafia Boss shouted over her.

Not to be outdone, Mu raised her voice too. “He’s a murderer! He’s responsible for the deaths of everyone on the island and he tried to kill you!”

“You tried to kill her too! And your responsible for the deaths of like half the planet’s population!”

“That’s because I was killing you fuckers! And it was pecking undone so it doesn’t pecking count! And how dare you pecking compare me to you! You pecking…”

“Stop!” Hat Kid shouted, somehow making her voice louder than either of theirs, as she jumped up on the table to stand directly between them. “No more fighting. If you guys say even one more mean thing to each other or about each other I’m kicking you out of the party and never allowing you back on my ship.”

“You wouldn’t do that to me,” Mu said, glaring up at her. “I’m your friend.” Or at least Mu thought they were friends. Maybe they actually weren’t, not if Hat Kid wanted to consider the Mafia Boss a friend too.

“I wouldn’t banish you from the ship forever but I will kick you off for the rest of today and I won’t let you take home any cake or balloons. It’s my birthday so I want people to be nice and get along. I’ve never had a birthday party before please don’t ruin it by being mean and starting fights. You guys can go back to being enemies tomorrow but for just today could you please at least tolerate each other.” She’d started angry but by the end she looked at them both with puppy dog eyes that glistened with unshed tears.

It might’ve been a fake look to make Mu, and by the look on his face the Mafia Boss too, feel guilty. She might just be trying to manipulate them with tears and a sob story about never having had a birthday party before this one. … If so, it was working. That look made Mu feel bad. But… how could she possibly tolerate the Mafia Boss?

Silence hung heavy in the room. Everyone was watching now, with all the yelling that had happened of course they were. It was awkward and a bit embarrassing and yet no one did anything. Everyone was waiting for either Mu or the Mafia Boss to back down or resume the fight and get kicked out.

Mu wasn’t going to back down, she was going to wait to see what the Mafia Boss did. If he resumed being hostile, he’d be at fault and would get kicked out. There was no way he wouldn’t, right? He didn’t care about upsetting Hat Kid or being permanently banned from her ship. He’d for sure…

He sat back down. “Fine,” he said. “I shall try to get along with her if she tries to do the same in return.” He gave her a pointed look, putting the entire room’s attention on her as well. He was such a bastard. He exactly what she’d wanted him to do. Instead he wanted her to be the bad guy and get kicked out. Well she wasn’t playing that game.

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms and lifting her chin. “I’ll be nice too.”

“Yay!” Hat Kid said, seemingly genuinely happy. “Thank you!”

Trying to ignore the eyes still on her, Mu turned and went back to the cake. She’d get another piece and then go back to people watching. Or maybe she’d go hang out with the Subconites and try to figure out which one was Snatcher in disguise. Or maybe she’d hang out with some of the seals, they were awfully cute and friendly. No matter what though, if she wanted to resume having a good time here, she was going to avoid the drink side of the table or anywhere else the Mafia ended up going. She was going to try to go back to having a good time though partly out of pure spite.

For this event.

[thatssonanii]

Family Dinner

HAHN

The drive to Hanna's house was nerve wracking for Amanda. She had been in touch with Eddie for details and surprisingly he offered her a tremendous amount of support. She could tell he had changed since they two had met years ago.

Eddie brought them in the house, he made sure all of his family was in the living room which included Esperanza, Katheryn, Luca and Mitch. They sat talking amongst each other, waiting for the unknown last guests for dinner to start. Cameron and Caleb figured it was Cheyenne.

Eddie stood in the doorway with his hands clasped and a small smile on his face.

"So before I met any of you, I had been to Savannah several times to help out these incompetent ass police. You know what now that I think about it those assholes never said thank you."

Caleb snapped his fingers, "Hey! Hey! Focus, son."

"Right sorry," Eddie laughed, "Well I was helping on an investigation into a crooked ass judge and his family. But I found that as usual the cops were wrong. It was the judge not his family. And I came into contact with a family member that agreed to help us bring him down."

Everyone listened intently to him.

"Oooh they a snitch," Treasure called out making the adults except Hanna laugh.

"Treasure," Hanna warned. "Don't make me pop you. Hush."

"But they is a snit-," Treasure was cut off by Mitch covering her mouth and kissing the side of her head.

"Shhhhh, T. Don't do that," he whispered to her.

Eddie watched them nervously for a second before continuing on. "Umm I didn't know anything about them until afterwards during that long ass drive to Virginia. Worst trip of my damn life, so many stops, all that damn talking, switching cars."

"Edward!" Hanna yelled. "Focus, baby. You're nervous just spit it out."

"Right, right. Um, so when I met Mama and she brought me," here continued with a smile, "I met Pop, my brothers, sisters, niece, nephews, uncle, Mitch and Auntie Katheryn. I felt welcomed. But I also felt burdened."

"Burdened? Why?" Benny asked scratching his beard.

"Because of the things that I knew. Things that I knew none of you knew. Secrets that I was supposed to keep. Secrets that no one knew, not even Charles or Pop knew about. I know things about you all that you think no one knows. And I wanna come clean about one in particular."

Lainey giggled a bit. "Who did you kill?"

"Technically I didn't kill them," Eddie admitted scratching the back of his neck.

"This food isn't going to hold up much longer, Eddie. Spit it out," Luca said sighing.

"Okay okay sorry. Um, me and the family member came to an agreement that if she helped us then I would help her disappear."

They're attention was focused solely on Eddie. They were waiting for the ball to drop, anxious about what they were about to be told. While, Amanda and Spencer stood in the foyer listening on. Amanda was on edge as well.

"The dad, I knew from get go, was the most hated. I hated him well, I hate most people so that doesn't count but anyway. One of the children was an in denial asshole. The other child and mom erre the good ones." Eddie paused to take a deep breath. He unintentionally stared directly at Katheryn, there tears in his eyes but they didn't fall. "We .... I helped her fake her own death. I watched the devastation it caused and she heard it. I'd forgotten about it honestly until I met my family. I got back in contact with her a lil while ago and convinced her to come back home."

When Spencer heard that, he grabbed Amanda's hand and walked with her to the living room. Spencer's eyebrows rose seeing Caleb and Luca but kept quiet understand that this moment was not his. They already had their moment. There were audible gasps and the room fell silent.

"I honestly had forgotten about it until I met you, Auntie Kat. If you hate me, I understand but I'm sorry." Eddie dropped his glossy eyes from Katheryn's.

Weeping softly, Katheryn stood and moved closer to Amanda. She touched her daughter's warm cheer.

"You're alive," she whispered. "All this time and you've been in Virginia. I can't."

With that Katheryn left the room and went upstairs. Hanna followed behind her, she was in disbelief as well. She didnt check for a pulse when she found her but she didn't think she needed to.

Luca stood looking at all of his family.

"And since you all are already in shock one more thing wouldn't hurt. Caleb, Spencer and I worked together for years. Now let's go eat. Italians aren't very nice when they get hungry."

Eddie, Caleb, Spencer and Treasure followed behind Luca to the dining room smiling . They were hungry and couldnt wait any longer. Cameron sucked his teeth at them.

"How the hell they drop bombs on us and go eat? This some bullshit."

Cameron, Zion, Benny, Mitch and Charles went to the dining g room as well fussing at the other men. Esperanza said awkwardly for a moment before leaving the room as well.

Lainey, Marcie and Melissa approached Amanda and hugged her.

Lainey held her hands and smile at her, "I'm Lainey. Don't worry about your mom or ours. They'll come around."

"Right. Even if it takes a couple of days, it'll okay. I'm Marcie," Marcie reassured her.

"And I'm Melissa. Don't be scared or ashamed of anything. The three of us have had our share of bad shit happen to us. Our family was and is there for us. We're gonna do the same for you." Melissa said smiling. "We're your family now."

The four women walked to the dining room together, all of them smiling. They knew things would be okay. There would be a few storms but the sun would always shine.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.05: “Nightmare Logic”

THEN: Maggie. Lucifer brings her back to life but she's not okay. Maybe Jack can help us stop all the evil in the world. But then what would we do? Michael is making super monsters. The hunted become the hunters.

NOW: Maggie? Are they really still trying to make me care about Maggie? {sigh} Fine. Maggie is on a hunt, all on her own, in Claremore, Oklahoma, which she calls "delightful" but I'm pretty sure she's being sarcastic. She's in what looks like a mausoleum, hunting what she thinks is a ghoul, and we know all this because she took a camera out of her bag and started talking to it. She's wearing light pink pants that are gonna show ALL THE BLOOD, so you can tell she's still a newbie. And then the ghoul gets her. Bye, Maggie?

Title card!

Bunker. Sam seems to be leading a small hunting class. He wraps it up quickly when Dean comes in, and it seems like he still feels uneasy being a leader when Dean's around. Which makes sense. Dean's been the leader all of Sam's life. For his part, Dean actually seems to enjoy watching Sam in this new role, although he's a little sarcastic about things like hunter check-ins ("that's adorable!"). He asks Sam if he's getting any sleep, and we know the answer is "no" because Sam doesn't really answer. He's got 16 hunters on case, not including Cas and Jack (who are in Sarasota) or Mobby (who are in Texas.) You know, I'm okay with Cas being gone, but I'm not okay with him taking Jack with him. Just saying.

Dean thinks the new people don't need this much help, since they all survived a war, but Sam explains that a war is not hunting. Which begs the question, why are they all hunting anyway? Sam's right - the angel war wouldn't really prepare them for hunting monsters. So why are they doing it? Just because they live in the bunker now, so they have to be hunters? Is that why Maggie's out there in her damn pink pants trying not to get killed again?

As Sam's talking, he gets a notification that Maggie missed check-in. Ruh roh! {Sidebar: Seems like having to call in at a pre-scheduled time would be really inconvenient for hunting, so I've decided this just means she has to check in at least once every 24 hours.} Next we see the guys in the library, with Dean calling Maggie and not getting an answer as Sam works on the laptop. He has pulled up footage from Maggie's bodycam, which surprises Dean and me, but Sam says having the new hunters watch each other hunt is the best way to learn. You know, I'm thrilled with Sam's little vocational training program here, but I think the best way to learn would be to send the newbies out with experienced hunters, instead of sending them on their own and putting bodycams on them so everyone else can watch them die. But what do I know?

Sam says the bodycams upload directly to the server, so I guess Maggie had wifi in a mausoleum somewhere in delightful Claremore, Oklahoma. Of course, if Sam provided them, they'll have wifi everywhere, so let's not concern ourselves with minor details. They watch the ghoul from Maggie's POV, and Sam's clearly upset and afraid she's dead. Dean points that she might be okay, because 1) they didn't see her die, and b) ghouls are scavengers that don't normally feed on the living. Sam says "Yeah, but remember the ones that killed and ate Adam and his mom? And were eating me alive before you killed them?" No, he doesn't say that. But he should. Someone should. Instead he just asks why a ghoul would attack her. Because it's a monster, Sam.

(Hey, remember when Sam was tied to the table and the ghouls were eating him? That was a good episode.)

But this one has several good points too, including the fact that Sam looks like he might be growing the beard again. (I know he's not. Let me dream.)

Cut to a nice transition video of the Impala zooming down the road, and then the brothers in the cemetery where Maggie was last seen. Dean comments that a private cemetery must be nice, because it would be convenient. Yeah, when you die as often as these two, a cemetery in the back yard would be handy. On the other hand, they're usually not buried, so. Maggie was working this cemetery in the first place because some kids said online that a walker tried to end them. Sam then tries to mansplain (Samsplain?) walkers to Dean, who is very aware of what they are.

They enter the mausoleum and go down a flight of stairs. Damn, this thing is big. I've seen little mausoleums in cemeteries before, but nothing like this. They find drag marks on the floor. "But no blood," Dean says, "which means Maggie could still be alive." But those pink pants are gonna be really dirty.

(Hey, remember the last time Dean and Sam and Maggie were in a dark underground place, and someone got attacked and dragged away? That was a good episode.)

(Are you really doing this again? We get it. The show repeats itself and has frequent subtle and less-sutble references to older, better episodes. Can you stop now?)

(Fine. Geez.)

Sam doesn't think that's likely, because "ghouls don't take prisoners." I mean, I guess Sam wasn't technically a prisoner when he was tied to a table, but he does at least have to acknowledge that they won't necessarily eat you quickly. Dean's being oddly optimistic, saying that it might have taken her elsewhere to eat her, and maybe "hasn't finished the job yet." So, maybe only her arms and legs have been eaten? Well, that's encouraging. They're interrupted by a groundskeeper, so Sam introduces them as Harrison and Byrne (Talking Heads, so that had to be Sam's choice, not Dean's) from the Historical Preservation Society, sent by the city who wants to make the property a historic site. Oh, and can they speak to the owner?

When we get a view of the house, it's overgrown by weeds and out-of-control shrubs, so I think that groundskeeper needs to concentrate more on his gardening and less on who might be lurking in the convenient private cemetery. The somewhat geeky owner is very excited, saying he always knew this house had historical significance. He invites them in, but is surprised to see them, since it seems like the two who are already there should be enough. Whaaa? They walk into the living room to see the other two "historical preservationists" - Mary and Bobby.

And Bobby is wearing Michael's hat! RUN, BOYS, RUN!

Sam pointedly says he wishes they'd checked with "the main office" before coming all the way out here. {Sidebar: You know, the Show plays fast and loose with geography on a regular basis, but I like that Sam and Dean came from down Kansas and Mary and Bobby came up from Texas and they met in Oklahoma in a completely plausible timeline.} Bobby says they don't need permission from the main office to look at houses, "especially when the main office is run by a bunch of idjits."

OH WHAT THE HELL FAKE BOBBY! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS.

Mary pulls Sam away for a private talk while Dean questions the owner, Neil. But it turns out he's not actually the owner, he's only the nurse the owner, Mr. Rawling. Meanwhile, Mary explains to Sam that she and Bobby had been talking Maggie through her hunt, giving her pointers. (Gee, maybe you shouldn't have sent her off alone, Sam.) When she stopped texting, they got worried and came to check on her. Sam asks if they found anything, but before she can answer, Dean calls Sam into Mr. Rawling's room. He's unconscious, in a hospital bed, and they both agree that he looks exactly like the ghoul they saw on Maggie's video. (Which is odd, but what's even odder is that Mr. Rawling is getting a blood transfusion. Why?) If the ghoul is here, they wonder, where's Maggie?

Cut to Maggie, alive and conscious somewhere. She's strung up by her wrists and surrounded by blood bags. Hmmm. Looks more like a djinn to me.

Back at the house, Neil explains that Rawling had a stroke. Just then, Rawling's daughter Sasha shows up. She is considerably less excited to hear that the National Historic Preservation Society is interested in the house. She doesn't even know how long her father has lived here, and she's just here to wrap things up before he dies. She says it's been "a really long week," so I guess the stroke happened recently. And I'm pretty sure old Rawlings would still be in the hospital if his stroke was that recent, so put another check in the "odd" column. Sam does his best empathetic face, but she doesn't want to deal with the National Historic Preservation Society right now and asks them to leave.

Have you ever noticed that when Jared narrows his eyes a little bit, it emphasizes their tilt? Because I have.

The team regroups at the Impala. On the one hand, I like them working on their hypotheses and eliminating monsters based on their extensive knowledge. On the other hand, none of their extensive knowledge seems to have much basis in canon. First Bobby declares Rawlings "not a ghoul" because he "checked him out pretty good back there" and didn't find any bites. So I guess you stripped the old guy down under Neil's watchful eye, Fake Bobby? I don't think so. Mary suggests a shifter, but Dean says shifters don't hang out in graveyards. Sam suggests possession, which Nasty Fake Bobby dismisses because a demon wouldn't have put him back in bed after using his body, and he sprinkled him with holy water anyway. Dean calls him on his even-grumpier-than-usualness...

Something on your mind, Bobby?

Yeah. Your brother. He let Maggie come here when she had no idea what she was walking into. She wasn't ready.

Oh, come on. When is anybody ever ready?

You are or you ain't. A real leader would have seen that a mile away.

Well, okay then! Clearly I was at fault for accepting AU Bobby so quickly. He's not our Bobby at all. He's not just adorably surly, he's mean. And he's wearing that hat. And now I'm seriously starting to wonder if this is really even Fake Bobby. Did he pick that hat up at the church, after Dean took it off? Is that when Michael made him his vessel? Is Michael that attached to the damn hat? Is the hat a possessed object? Something evil is afoot, and THE HAT IS PART OF IT. I'M SURE.

This is a pretty scene, but my favorite part is Dean's "why are you being mean to my Sammy, old man?" face.

Mary smacks Fake Bobby back down, and then says they should split up. She takes Sam. Aw, this is twice that she's pulled Sam aside to take care of him. I like anyone taking care of Sammy. As she and Sam walk, she tells him not to listen to Bobby, but Sam wonders if he's right about everything. She says no, he's born to do this, and he could respond with "Actually, the only thing I was born to do was to be Lucifer's vessel," but he doesn't.

Mary continues, saying that if Bobby can't see what a natural born leader and generally awesome human being Sam is, it's not the only thing he's missing. Oh god, is she talking about what I think she's talking about? Do I even want to KNOW what Bobby is missing? Sam thinks the same thing, and segues into a talk about their relationship. Mary says that ever since they've been back (from AU Land, I guess), Bobby hunts all the time. "He won't take a break, not even for s-" and I swear to Chuck I thought she was going to say for sex, but she says "for a second." And then they have this exchange:

Bobby's not open like your dad.

Wait. Like MY dad?

Okay, at least he's not like your dad was when I knew him.

Oh my Chuck, Mary and Sam are talking about John. Poor Sam, who wasn't even allowed to talk about his mother for most of his life, now gets to talk TO her. About his father. Someone hold me. It's also funny and sad that the John he knew is so, so different from the John she knew. And now I'm imagining drunk Sam and Dean telling stories about their childhood, and Mary being absolutely horrified.

Anyway. Mary says Bobby has "walls" and she doesn't know if she can handle that, "if I even put myself out there again." Oh, wait, so she wasn't out there? So she and Bobby aren't actually in a relationship? They're just flirting and making googoo eyes and hunting together? Huh.

Sam makes an uncomfortable face, and she realizes he's not the best audience for this discussion, and it's all very weird and sweet. I'm going to stick with Mary and Sam rather than going back and forth like they do in the episode. Sam tells her that "our Bobby" wasn't very open either, at least not at first, and that he had to kill his wife and they had no kids. And Fake Bobby's walls are probably there for a good (bad) reason. Oh, Sam. You know about walls and reasons, don't you? He suggests that, if she cares about him, she won't give up on Bobby and his walls. Then they see something that looks like a pile of cloth. It's a jacket or something, and it comes with a pile of IDs - FBI, DEA, Forest Service. Must be a hunter!

Meanwhile, Bobby and Dean are having this talk:

You think I was too hard on your brother back there.

He's doing his best. He's doing better than his best. This whole hunter 5-0 thing, he's killing himself over it. He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep, he grew himself one of those Kenny Rogers beards... no offense.

How much do I love Dean standing up for Sam, noticing everything he's doing? SO MUCH. I mean, I'm sure part of it is the classic "no one gets to talk smack about my little brother except me," but part of it is that he really is proud of Sam and what he's doing. And really is worried about him.

Dean and Fake Bobby come up on an old shed and open the door. It seems to be full of pelts. Dean goes inside, but Bobby sees a man in the woods and runs off toward him. Without saying anything to Dean. Dammit, Fake Bobby. Dean finds a body. Must be a dead hunter! He turns toward Bobby, just now realizing he's been left alone, and then something attacks him from behind. It's the old man Rawling ghoul! Dean grabs something off the windowsill, I can't tell what, and stabs the ghoul with it. The ghoul dissolves into dust. Huh. Weird. Bobby returns to find Dean covered in ghoul dust.

Back at the house, Sasha is going over some paperwork when she hears noises that seem to be coming from upstairs. She goes up and wanders down an oddly angular hallway. She opens a super-squeaky door and a vampire leaps out. On first watch, I only noticed the teeth, but on rewatch, it's one of the AU-style vampires, with the big pointy ears. She flees and falls {Sidebar: At this point, The Husband asked why women are always falling when they run away from monsters; I said it's the high heels} but as she cowers on the floor and awaits her doom, she realizes nothing is after her. The vampire is gone.

Sam and Mary are back at the Rawling house, and while it was bright daylight when they were wandering around and Sasha was being attacked, it's dark now. She explains that whatever she saw couldn't have been real, because it looked like a vampire, and Sam tells her she's not crazy. She gets the "monsters are real" speech, and Neil is more disappointed that they're not from the Historical Society than he is to learn that monsters are real. Then Dean shows up.

You're not gonna believe what I found in the shed.

You hunt monsters!

Oh, good. You told them.

What did you find in the shed?

Dead guy.

Hee! This little scene just cracks me up. Dead Guy matches the fake IDs, and Sam tells Dean they think something is killing hunters. Mary notices Bobby's gone, and Dean says he went to get something out of the truck. Alone??? She runs out after him. Dean tells Sam about Ghoul!Rawling attacking him, and Sasha's all, "he's right there," and Dean turns toward Rawling but all we can see is the foot of his bed, so I'm fairly sure it's going to turn out he's not right there after all. (Spoiler alert: I'm wrong.) Sam tells Dean about the vampire, but since the vampire didn't feed on Sasha, and the Ghoul!Rawling "died weird," Sam suggests maybe these aren't monsters at all (relieved sigh from Neil) but some kind of manifestation (not-relieved, confused looks from Neil and Sasha) like B.J. Hunnicut Fred Jones, who made all the Looney Tunes violence.

(Hey, remember when Fred Jones made the Looney Tunes violence, and Dean's gun had a flag that said BANG? That was awesome.)

(I can't help it, guys, the Show is feeding them directly to me!!!)

Sasha assures them her father is narcissistic but not psychic, and Dean wonders why he would manifest a vampire to scare his own daughter. Well, I mean, sounds like he was a bad father, so. When Sasha tells them what happened, Dean notices that she was scared away from what she was investigating, which is probably the reason the vampire was... manifested. Sam volunteers to go upstairs and investigate. Dean hands him a machete.

Downstairs, Dean sharpens another machete while Sasha downs some pills, and I know how you feel, Sasha. I've felt like cracking open the Xanax this week myself. She vents about her father and reveals that, because he was gone all the time, she was the one who found her mother after she (I assume) killed herself. "You what the most ridiculous part is?" she says. "I worshipped him when I was a kid. Didn't know any better. He's the only family I have left." Oh, gee, who else in this room can relate to that? Dean offers her some advice, which is to let it go. "The past is... nothing you can do about it now, so. It's just baggage. Let it go, you'll feel a lot lighter." She asks if that's what he does, and he says "I try. Every single day." Oh Dean!

Upstairs, Sam walks carefully down the oddly angular hallway (really, it makes NO SENSE) and opens the door Sasha had been peeking through. It's access to the attic. Sam peers around with his flashlight find finds old toys and a spooky taxidermied animal and blood bags and Maggie, strung up like the victim of a djinn. He pulls a needle from her neck and she wakes up, saying "it's here." There's a growl behind Sam and then the AU vampire attacks. {Sidebar: I wonder what kind of PTSD flashbacks Sam's going to have the next time he tries to go to sleep?} Sam hits it with the machete and it explodes into a cloud of dust, just like Dean's ghoul.

While all of this is happening, Mary goes outside and finds Bobby isn't at his truck. We see him walking in the dark, and then the man he ran after earlier comes out from behind a tree. His eyes are burned out.

Daniel?

Hey, Dad.

OH SNAP.

Bobby is shocked to see him, since apparently he died in AU Land. He kicks the crap out of Fake Bobby and then pins him to a tree with an angel blade through the shoulder, even though he doesn't stab him nearly hard enough to go through the tree, and even though Bobby remains completely level instead of hanging from that point. Mary shows up and Bobby yells at her to run. She shoots Dead!Daniel instead, but bullets don't do anything. As Dead!Daniel chokes Mary, Bobby pulls the angel blade out and falls down from the tree. He says "I'm sorry" and stabs Dead!Daniel with the angel blade, which causes him to explode into a cloud of dust.

Downstairs, Dean and Sasha go into Rawling's room, where Neil is fiddling with something. Dean finally asks what I've been asking the whole time, which is, why is the old man getting a blood transfusion? Neil says it keeps up his iron. Dean gives him a funny look and then asks Sasha to go make him a sandwich. She's all, what, seriously? He mouths go and flicks his eyes at Neil and she finally gets it and she's all, yes, that sounds like a great idea, I will go make you a sandwich.

He's so not subtle at all. I love him.

Dean pulls his gun and says he recognizes the rig now, from when he was hooked up to it. "You're not giving him blood. You're taking it." We see a flashback from "What Is and What Should Never Be," with Dean strung up in the djinn's warehouse.

(HEY! REMEMBER WHEN DEAN WAS CAPTURED BY A DJINN AND HAD THAT WHOLE DREAM LIFE? THAT WAS AMAZING.)

{Sidebar: The thing is, this would never work. The blood bag is hanging above Rawling's head. If you've ever given blood, you know the collection bag is hung below the needle. Your blood's not going to flow upstream. Gravity, people.}

"You're a djinn," Dean says. "But you knew that already, didn't you?" says Neil, as his eyes flash blue and his tattoos briefly appear. Dean asks why he's going after hunters, and he says "Because you told me to! Is this still part of the game?" Um, whaaa? Neil thinks Dean is Michael. The Michael who told him to set up a trap for hunters. He thought this was just a test. The new power Michael gave him is the ability to read minds and see nightmares just by touching his victim. And he can bring those nightmares into the world and make them do whatever he wants. Rawling's nightmare was dying alone in this house, and Neil is making it come true. Maggie's nightmares were the AU vampires. Ah, that explains why the monsters disintegrated - they weren't real. And it also explains why the AU vampires were over here. They came from Maggie's head.

Dean is still threatening Neil with the gun, and Neil says it won't kill him, and he's pretty sure Dean doesn't have a knife dipped in lamb's blood. (Silver, Neil, it has to be silver.) Dean does what I always wish they'd do in a "your mere gun won't kill me" situation, and shoots him in the knee, cause it's gotta slow him down, right? But it doesn't actually slow him much. He lunges for Dean and says he won't hurt "Michael's favorite monkey suit," but he does want to see his nightmares. He smacks a hand on Dean's forehead and is horrified. Neil backs away and says "you... you..." and then Dean says "I don't have a blade dipped in lamb's blood, but I can improvise," and smashes Neil's skull with a bookend. Okay, but. If that would work, why would you need a silver knife dipped in lamb's blood? Isn't it a lot easier to destroy the head?

It does work, but Neil has some evil plot to reveal before he dies. "You think I'm the only one? The only trap? He made dozens of us. Just out there, waiting for you, and your family." Dean shuts him up with the bookend, and then unloads his gun into him for good measure.

So, let's talk about this. What did the djinn see? I mean, Dean's been to Hell. His nightmares are pretty awful. Was that it? Or was it something else? Something, someone, maybe, hiding deep inside?

Aftermath! Dean pulls the needle out of Rawling's arm. It's daylight now, so I wonder why he waited for the sun to come up before ending the poor old guy's misery. He tells Sasha that he'll come back around after the djinn's poison wears off.

Back to the bunker, which is full of refugee hunters. Everybody joyfully greets Maggie and her dirty pink pants. "You did this," Dean tells Sam. "You got her home." Sam smiles, but it's quick and kind of sad.

Elsewhere in the bunker, Mary is bandaging Bobby. He tells her that he was a hunter in AU Land because his wife was killed by a monster, and then his son Daniel was taken by angels because Bobby got him involved in the angel war. He feels guilty about it, but it's not like the kid would have been safe even if he hadn't been fighting. Bobby always thought he'd die in the war, but he didn't (does that mean he considers the war over? he's never going back? because there's still a bunch of angels over there), and now he's "considering other options." So the constant hunting has been a way of trying to get killed. Nice of you to drag Mary into that, Fake Bobby. She tells him she's not letting him give up, and they'll find another way to live.

Sam's reading at the map table (wearing that magnificent red plaid shirt) when Dean comes in with a couple of beers. He says he talked to Maggie and she "can't wait to get back in the saddle." Sam's surprised to hear it, and I'm surprised to hear that Dean was the one to have this conversation with Maggie. How close do you suppose they are? Because really, the most time they've spent together was the long walk to Dayton after Sam was killed, and I can't imagine Dean was a pleasant companion. I'd think she'd be terrified of him at this point. Anyway. Dean says "she learned from the best," and again, Dean noticing and commenting on Sam's actions just makes me melt into a happy little puddle.

Sam's red plaid shirt also makes me melt into a happy little puddle.

Bobby and Mary come in and say "we need to talk," and the next thing we see is Sam arranging for them to stay at Donna's cabin. Which OF COURSE has a garden gnome. Bobby calls Sam aside and Sam is SO NERVOUS to be talking to him alone, and dammit, Jared, you break my heart on a regular basis. Bobby says "this job is no picnic, and I don't know if I ever really had it in me, but you do." You know, I think it's great that people are acknowledging what a good hunter and leader Sam is. But I just can't forget how much he didn't want to do this. I know he's accepted it now, and he claims to love it, but when someone tells him he's good at it, his smile is too tentative, too fleeting. I'm probably reading too much into it, but to me it says "Yeah, I'm good at the one thing I tried to get out of doing, yay me."

Mary and Dean say their goodbyes, and he actually seems to be okay with it this time. We do get the sad piano music, so we know it's significant. But the door slams shut and Sam doesn't flinch, so all is well.

(Hey, remember that time Mary slammed the door and Sam flinched? I loved that.)

Bye, Mommy! Bye, New Daddy!

Next we see the guys calling every hunter they know, warning them about super monsters. "Use the buddy system," Sam insists. Dean feels guilty about the whole thing, and says he knows it's not his fault, and he's trying to move on from "what I - what we - what he did," so it doesn't sound like he's moved on much at all. Sam says they'll work harder.

How, Sam? You get three hours of sleep a night.

Then I'll sleep two.

Oh Sam! I love his "I will do anything you need, even if it kills me" determination. He insists they'll find Michael and kill him, and Dean asks how. Sam brings up Monster!Kaia's spear again, and WHAT ABOUT THE FREAKING ARCHANGEL BLADE???? WHY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN IT????? But the scene ends with Dean sadly walking away (something else I love? Dean's "I'm gonna pretend I believe you can fix this but I know you can't" expression) and Sam sadly biting his lip and oh, so much sad.

So much pretty, pretty sadness.

So! A little bit of nonsense, but mostly a pretty decent episode. I do wonder why they brought up Jack's powers, and the possibility of "ending all of this," in the THEN, since it wasn't addressed at all. But we got Chief Sam getting the respect he deserves. Some nice brotherly stuff. But most importantly, this episode made me realize that if monsters are the Big Bads this season, that means mytharc episodes can also be MOTW episodes. Praise Chuck. This could turn out to be a pretty decent season after all.

Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!