#okay sorry i’m rambling now but i feel so crazy rn.

[zodiacsea]

been rereading a lot of anne carson translations this week and the strength it’s taking not to start posting like a crazy person about elektra…… u all do not know the amt of restraint i am showing

[billskeis]

Hi! Absolutely love ur work💕💕 Okay so could you write hcs with all four members (separate) that have a quiet/ shy type s/o?

(Sorry that this req is short but my brain is running out of juice rn, love the work, keep it up😘😘)

ᡣ𐭩 tokio hotel w shy s/o

thank u so much! and don’t worry, you’re doing great! let’s appreciate all my shy and quiet homies out there! y’all deserve some more appreciation in your life.

headcannons down below!

bill

loves loves loves that you’re shy, he thinks it’s so cute

usually one to go for loud spontaneous girls but you’re like a stick in the mud, and that drew you to him

since you don’t talk much you’re a really good listener, and bill is known to ramble a lot

appreciates the fact you listen to him attentively

because of how tall he is, loves the fact that whenever you’re out to meet new people you hide behind him, how you have to peak behind his shoulder once he introduces you to his peers or acquaintances and is always holding your hand through it, squeezing it to ensure everything is okay

hand holding in public gets you super shy but bill loves to show you off in any way possible

his love language is definitely words of affirmation, so will out of the blue compliment you to see how you react

hiding your face, not knowing how to respond, running away from him to only catch up to you quickly

he fucking loves that shit

“aww come on baby, am i not allowed to tell you how beautiful you are?”

tom

just like bill, usually goes for spontaneous girls

but when he saw you at the club and how flustered you became when he hit on you, MANS WAS DRAWN INNN

physical touch all the way, makes you insane and knees weak, and he just lives for that

sudden grabs of the waist, hugging, holding your neck gently to swiftly pull you into a kiss

maybe if he’s feeling bold he’ll sneak a hand on your ass

the eye contact goes crazy, once you look at him and he catches you, he’ll never break his gaze

finds it super adorable that you’re always the one to break the stare down, laughs and pats your head always afterwards

omgosh loves and i mean fucking loves it when you hide yourself in his clothes especially his sweaters when he’s wearing them how you’ll just tuck yourself into the sweater bodies pressed together engulfing like FUCK do this more often he loves it

whenever you go out to get food, you’re shyness doesn’t allow you to take to service workers so he always offers to order for you, eventually it becomes a habit and does it himself

“how’s that baby, i made sure to get your coffee just how you like it.. oh me? a coca cola!”

gustav

introvert x introvert ALL THE WAYY BABEYYY

the way you and gustav show affection for one another usually comes from physical touch or acts of service

communicating with each other isn’t hard, it’s almost like a spidey sense where you just know what the other person wants or needs and can simply do that for them

expect soo many cuddles, movie marathons and baking/cooking sessions, gustav loves to cook and bake with you, the playlist on in the background that the two of you curated for one another simply enjoying each other’s company is enough for the both of you

on the other hand, if you guys wanted to step out of the comfort zone to go outside on a date, expect to play rock paper scissors to see who has to talk to someone to either order food or request a table at a restaurant

you and gustav can also have one on one sessions with each other deep conversing, talking about anything and everything

can immediately notice when you’re uncomfortable or feeling way too shy or nervous in situations

will either step up, say something, or simply bring you somewhere else where it’s now just the two of you

if you tell and express to him how you feel, will fully listen to you, holding your hands together caressing them

“i understand.. we can either leave, or if not, you can sit next to me! i’m right here with you.

georg

is the biggest shit ever

even more than tom, loves to tease you, you can find him tapping your shoulder and running away leaving you confused or whenever you compliment or tell him you love him will make you repeat it loud and clear

but if it comes to that case, will have to beat the shit out of someone if they make a comment about how shy or quiet you are

not much of a talker, but when he does find himself talking a lot more than you in conversations always asks what you think and what your opinion on it is

does it solely just to hear you speak because he loves your voice and doesn’t get to hear it enough ugh y/n what’s wrong w u??

expect him to rest his arm on your shoulder, head on chin, and bear hugs, he thinks that just because you’re quiet he treats you as if you were someone smaller than him

but he this is just how he publicly shows how in love with you he is

constantly compliments you on how you look, the outfits you wear, how good you are at things vice versa nd that

but you finally snap back at him and compliment him even further and woah honey you have him in a chokehold rn

“fuck, i didn’t expect you to say that, can you say it again? please? i wanna’ hear it one more time..”

[clowns0up-felix]

Coming back to tell you how much I love that little comic with the Chosen Hero and the Hero of Men. There's no dialogue, but it still has a strong sense of sadness and hope. And the parallels between the two are fantastic, I really wish Nintendo gave us more information about what happened between Skyward Sword and Minish Cap because now I'm really thinking about it and how whatever happened had to be pretty scary if the Hero of Men decided it was in everyone's best interest for him to yoink the Chosen Hero's sacred sword from its temple.

All those words to say your art is wonderful and I'm thinking about it and the piece of LoZ lore it represents. ❤️

Ohhhh my go yesssss I would give my life to know more about the hero of men,,, its literally crazy to me that there’s a link that’s just. There. No game no story no nothing. WHO IS THAT TELL ME?? Thinking about who he could’ve been is one of the joys of life but it tends to feel more like writing an OC than expanding on known lore, bc be barely have any,,,

Actually, Ill use this to ramble about what I do tend to think for him here, hope that’s okay!!

I love love love that u said that what was happening during the hero of men’s time had to be pretty scary, bc YEAH. To pull the sword of the first hero and first king of Hyrule (^.^) who probably would kill to not have fi be woken up is CRAZYYYY,,, either he’s oblivious or in a really bad situation,,, What is known about him leaves to believe that he was a knight tho, and they 100% knew about fis resting ground,, It is said that the world was about to be swallowed by evil, which makes me think Botw final cutscene or sksw final girahim type severity of monster floods. So I think hom (ill refer to the hero of men like this for now) link probably saw getting the sacred, legendary master sword as his only chance at saving hyrule.

Idk if he would’ve know himself to be the legendary hero reborn due to triforce mark, maybe he just stumbled across it in an attempt to hide some injured knights in the temple of hylia,,,, Side note on the temple of hylia, love the abandoned look in the comic but it doesn’t really make sense, does it? Bc why would sksw Link want fis resting place to not be well kept? Would he visit before his passing?

Anyway, he takes the sword defeats the monster hoards and gives hyrule a brief moment of safety. He’s made into a high ranking knight or maybe head of the knights (he’s probably rather young still, as that seems to be a theme for the chosen hero and priestess, so maybe late teens, and before having the master sword he was a knight in training?) and then, when the picori/minish come down to earth (i dunno from where, was that ever said? Just from the skies i thiinkkk,,,) he gets the picori blade and I think the light force from them. It’s similar use does bring up the question why hom link would use the picori blade over the master sword,, maybe because its a gift and the master sword is like this sacred sword meant to rest and that got him feeling bad hahaha,, Hom link trapped the monsters rather than killing them but I can’t remember if the trapped them in the sword or the chest or somewhere else hmm,,, the sword later turns into the four sword right? (I’m so sorry im too lazy rn to do research 😭) I don’t think hom link would’ve been able to use it as this tho, i think he never got it to a point like this, just used it to save the world once and then gave it away for the contest ^^ In one of the stained glass the sword he gets DOES look like the four sword but i am going to ignore that bc I think i can.

Also, for reasons that I can’t (don’t want to) talk about rn I personally would change it being the 50th anniversary of the Picori Festival instead of the 100th ^.^ also I think hom link would stay a close friend to the royal family partially to protect the holder of the light force which was sealed into his Zelda i think and passed down to her children and their children yk,, and don’t tell anyone I said this but he is alive during minish cap and ezlo was one of the minish that gave him the blade during the Force era ;)

I also think the minish weren’t really ever introduced to the public but instead kept in strict contact to the royal family and those they trusted, which is why during mc basically no one knows about them, and those that once did are already fairly old or dead.

I’m not gonna read this over, hope everything makes sense and is coherent

Thanks for the ask !!!!! Drawing the comic was so fun I’m happy u like it :D

[bohemian-nights]

I don’t know, I feel like actors don’t always get the character they play ‘right’ and that’s the problem with these movie/show adaptations of books. Hotd was a big mistake, I don’t think I’ll ever change my stance on that, mostly because of all the racism and hate in the fandom and from the producers/directors. If the show runners just make a fanfic version of a book, I really don’t understand the point, it’s infuriating, especially to the original book readers. I get attached to minor characters and it really just fucks with me because they rarely get treated well or are as uplifted as they should be! I go a little overboard with this stuff, it’s a problem and I know that, but it would just be so nice if showrunners didn’t diverge so much from the original canon material! With the hotd promos, they genuinely piss me off. I’m not team black or team green, I’m really not, I only genuinely like a few people on the show (which do happen to be team black, but I can’t really say that I like the other people on said team). I regret watching the show and getting into the fandom, I wish I could go back and never watch it, that’s how messed up it’s got me. I just hope s2 is not as disrespectful as s1 bc I’ll still watch it, but I must admit I don’t have much hope of that, especially with how the actors speak of it, it just gives me the ick. It’s not wrong for “family” to hate each other or have problems with eachother. Team black is not this perfect family (and team green isn’t either, not at all) and it’s so stupid for people to try and say they are. At the end of the day it’s fiction, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be the least bit realistic with strained dynamics. For example, it’s okay if the dragon twins have some resentment for rhaenyra and daemon, I’m not saying that they do, but it would be perfectly fine if they did. It would be normal. It doesn’t mean they ultimately hate daemon or rhaenyra, but it doesn’t have to be one or the other either. Team black loves to act as if rhaena&baela adore rhaenyra and they very well might, but if you were to argue that they might dislike or are just not close with her for very understandable reasons, all hell would break loose. As someone who primarily follow people who are team black and pro rhaenyra I know I would be hated on hard if I even suggested the dragon twins held some resentment from when they were younger (which is why I’m saying this anon rn lmao). And I’m not even hating on rhaenyra, I’m just trying to step in their shoes ig. At the end of the day I wholeheartedly believe laena will be the most important woman figure to them regardless of how they feel and that can be enough. I just love mother -children relationships and hotd fandom loves to ignore minor ones :/

Sorry for the rant, I’m honestly just rambling and trying to get some ridiculous frustration off my chest. Hopefully you don’t think I’m too crazy lmao

🫂I feel you anon especially about the going back in time part. Funnily enough I almost wasn't going to watch this crap because I was still upset with how GOT ended.

However, they got to me with of the addition of the Black cast. I should've known though that it was a fucking trap to get Black people to watch this shit show and that they had no actual intention of doing right by the Black characters, but nope I decided to be a dummy.

Two years later and now I’m here 🤦🏽‍♀️ Having to witness take after take on how every Black(ish) character is unimportant, irrelevant, interchangeable, and only there so the show can appear to be “woke—unless of course they need them to bash a character they hate more.

Poor Laena gets shafted constantly and mocked for being second best and people barely want to admit she’s her girls mother, but then when it’s time to bash Alicent then they want to admit she was shafted.

Baela and Rhaena are barely talked about unless it’s to say how they can replace Nettles(or to mention how Missy Anne did in fact have daughters…. daughters who refer to her as my queen or princess and named their kid after who again? I believe it starts with a L).

Daenaera is non-stop depicated as the lightest mixed girl (if even that) that one can find(and that’s a feat cause there aren’t any actual Black women on this show), but then they want to use her being “Black” to accuse people they have beef with of racism.

Laenor is made into a bum(that’s more the showrunners fault, but people go in on him unnecessarily).

Vaemond is absolutely hated and Corlys, Addam, and Alyn are liked so long as they don’t go off script(which anyone who has read the books knows that Corlys and Alyn are going to go off script)….

Don’t get me started on Team Green who is less outright with their racism, but they aren’t right either.

Can't say that this fandom is the worst or the most racist cause unfortunately I’m seeing the same pattern play out in several other fandoms I’m apart of, but a large portion of this fandom shouldn’t interact with other people until they’ve seen a shrink.

The show is just not good enough for people to be going this crazy about it, but I digress. Honestly though I say all this, but I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t care for this show or fandom anymore.

I mean I’ll get re-energized when Nettles shows up, but outside of that I couldn’t care less on what happens. I’m not going to even bother watching the new season, I’m just focusing on completing these fics(I’m determined to have What We May Mend done before the end of the year) and then I’m bouncing till 2026, and if Nettles isn’t there—

🤣🤣🤣Okay I shouldn’t be so dramatic cause I’ll still be on here and this ask box will always be open, but my time of being in the HOTD fandom will have reached it's conclusion.

[loveinhollowhalls]

hi you’re sleeping rn tapi i just want you to know how grateful i am to have you… makasih ya dhaaaaam udah komunikasiin the things you’re feeling & initiate the convo supaya i could express myself too. i’m super sorry if my words aren’t adequate enough to explain what i’m feeling tapi makasih banyak udah mau coba ngertiin & accepting me despite my fear and my lack confidence in the things i’d do… i appreciate it so very much. i love you banget serius serius kayak it’s kinda crazy i hope you understand that i am willing to take things slow with you so that you could fully understand the kind of person i am & love me with no regrets HAHAH i think i might be rambling right now but that’s okay krn i know you’ll understand me & that’s all it takes to make me feel safe =) i love you so much bet you know that already but just in case you happen to forget i’ll always be here to remind you again

also i just finished my task jadinya aku nggak jadi nonton juno :( but i did listen to the tracks so here’s my fave & it reminded me of you a lot HAHAHAHA my part-time lover full-time friend.. i don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else but you :] that’s all for today heheh i lovw you lots please eat well.. looking forward to talking to you tmr future bf ;) sleep well

[sketchthetofu]

Okay, idk how to do this but I wanted to make an introduction post sooooo-

HELLO GOOFY GUYS OF TUMBLR!!!

I’m Sketchthetofu, tho feel free to call me Sketch, Tofu, Box, who cares! I don’t :D!

I’m just a silly lil guy in this sea of people obsessing over goofy characters and stories in my corner of this crazy platform :). My most recent obsessions being JRWI: Riptide & Prime Defenders (Dakota is my major obsession rn-) , Gravity Falls, Hermitcraft, Life series, and last but not least my own ocs! If your wondering which one of these I’m focused on at the moment check what I’ve been drawing recently :D! That’s a great indicator on my most recent brainrot-

Asks:

I’m more then okay with asks!!! They don’t even need to be questions or suggestions, I love chitchatting with people and I’m always excited when I see someone took time out of their day to write something to me :D!

Important tags:

#Sketchies art : I’m trying to get into the habit of putting all my own art posts under this tag so if your interested in seeing my person stuff that’s where u should go :]

#Sketchie rambles : my absolute insanity!!! Me screaming at the void and it sometimes talking back at me!!!

#Sketchie answers: where I try to gather all of the asks I’ve answered ^^ I just recently started tagging them so it doesn’t have old asks- sorry-

#Sketchie rps: Welp, I was dragged back into roleplaying- pretty much only Rabbit Dakota rps with other PD aus rn ^^

#Rabbit Mutant!Dakota au: Dakota but he was mutated during s1 ep24 and has to live with being half rabbit :3

#ocart : If your interested in seeing my original characters (when I post them every blue moon-) here’s the tag for you! (This is a large Tag so ima just put it down in the tags below so if you click it you will just find my posts under that tag)

I think those are all the tags I have, since I’ve just recently gotten into actually organizing my posts so I can figure out what I’ve shared or haven’t- also so y’all can find what your looking for too :D!

Commissions:

I don’t have any official info on what commissions I will take or the prices (mostly cus I feel like people won’t be interested-) but I’m 100% open to doing them!!! Feel free to DM me if your interested and we can go from there :]

I think that’s it for now!!! I’ll update this randomly as I keep on being active on this silly platform and information on here changes :D! If you got any questions or comments I’m always open to them :]

[thatonegirlwhowrites]

Pretty Boy || Steve Harrington

Summary: Steve and you aren’t currently talking, but after he shows up on your door step after a rough night, emotions start flowing and apologizes are made.

Pairing: Steve x Fem!Reader

Requested: no

Warnings: mentions of abuse, violence, anxiety, kissing, no spoilers for season 4

Notes: requests are still open guys!! I’m working on a few rn!!

Masterlist

———————————————————————————

Steve Harrington was currently in his car outside of your house, debating on if he should get out and knock on the door or not. He knew your parents weren't home tonight, but it was currently 1 in the morning, and he wasn't even sure if you were still awake.

He had gotten in a particularly grueling fight with his dad, leaving him with a split lip and bruised ribs. Steve and his dad fought quite a bit, but it had never gotten that bad.

Naturally, you were the first person that came to his mind, knowing you could instantly calm his nerves, but he had also forgotten the two of you were not currently on speaking terms.

It started a week ago when you had accidentally overheard Steve talking about you to Robin basically confessing his love for you. You had tried to talk about it with him, but he hadn't given you a chance before he rambled off some shitty excuse that ‘he would never be into you and that you were ‘crazy for thinking that had ever come out of his mouth��.

Of course, none of those words held any truth, but you had no clue Steve simply said that to avoid the inevitable outcome that you just didn't love him as he loved you. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you as a friend…which ironically had happened anyways.

He had been pretty quick to realize how much of an idiot he was when you stormed out of a family video with tears in your eyes. He had tried to stop you, but it was no use.

So now he had two options.

Go drive around until he finds a place to park his car and go to sleep.

Knock on your door and deal with his feelings.

The first option was most certainly the easiest, but he knew you at least deserved to know the truth, and with that revelation he walked up to your front door, wincing with every step he took.

The first knock was soft, hoping that maybe if you didn't answer the door he could say he tried and avoid this whole situation.

His hand moved reluctantly back to the door to knock again but before he was able to the door was pulled open revealing you standing there with wide eyes.

The last thing you had been expecting was for Steve Harrington to show up on your doorstep looking like he had just got beaten up after a week of not talking. ANy anger you had held for the boy dissipated within seconds when you saw the defeated look on his face.

“Steve, w-what 's going on?” You stood aside letting him know it was okay to come into the house.

He stepped in with a sigh, “I-uh-I just-.” He completely blanked. Not knowing exactly how to say how he was feeling, which is something he often found difficulty with.

“You can't just show up at 1 am all beaten up after you majorly insulted me barely even a week ago and not tell me what's going on.” There was still no anger present on your face.

Steve could feel himself start to break. His words had affected you more than he had realized and on top of everything going on with his dad…it was a lot.

“Dad and I got in a fight and it escalated. I-I wasn't really sure where to go.” His voice was low and he refused to make eye contact with you as he focused on his fidgeting hands.

“God, I'm such an ass.” You mumbled quietly to yourself regretting everything you had just said a moment ago, “I-I’m sorry, I had no idea. A-Are you okay?” Usually, conversations flowed easily between the two of you, but you were struggling to find the right words.

“Please don't apologize. If anyone should be apologizing it's me.” He had decided to avoid the ‘are you okay’ question for now, mostly because he honestly didn't know the answer.

“Steve, we don't have to w-worry about that right now, it's late. I'll just get you fixed up and-” you attempted to derail the subject trying to avoid getting your heart stomped all over again, but Steve was quick to interrupt, “No I need to worry about it now. I need to tell you the truth.” He had now taken a step closer to you, hoping you could see that he was being genuine.

“Listen I get it okay, I don't know why I would ever think you would be in love with me. Let's please not relieve my embarrassment, okay? I'm over it.” You tried in the gentlest way possible to end the conversation, but it was clear Steve had very different plans.

“Y/n please listen to me. I'm literally the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. I-I am in love with you! I just said all that shit because I was afraid of your reaction…Afraid that you would tell me you didn't love me like I loved you, and that our friendship wouldn't work now. I was so fucking stupid because we haven't even talked in a week and here I am bringing this mess into your life.” He had gone off on a bit of a tangent, feeling almost like he couldn't stop sharing the way he felt now that it was finally out in the open.

Your heart was currently doing flips inside your chest, immediately feeling with relief and happiness, “Yeah you really are an idiot because I could have told you a week ago that I loved you too.”

To say Steve was surprised was an understatement, “Y-You love me?” He swore he could cry right now.

“Yeah, I do.”

Suddenly everything just felt a little bit heavier. The reality of what had gone down just really set it. “I-I'm sorry for just springin’ all of this on you. I should have just dealt with it on my own.” He couldn't even allow himself time to be happy about the fact that you loved him back.

Your heart felt like it could shatter any moment knowing this is how Steve truly felt, almost as if he were a burden.

“Steve Harrington, I don't wanna hear that ever come out of your mouth ever again. You don't have to deal with any of this on your own. I love you for a reason, so let me be here for you.” Steve almost melted on the sweet sound of your voice reassuring him.

The only thing he could focus on was the look on your face, and specifically how bad he wanted to kiss you.

“Nope. Steve, stop looking at me like that! I know what you are about to do and I'm not letting our first kiss be all bloody.” You pointed to the fresh blood still coming from the inside of his lip.

Warmth immediately spread to his face, slightly embarrassed that you had noticed how much he was staring at your lips.

“C-Can I use your shower?” He half-smiled.

Several minutes later Steve had gotten into the shower and you had made your way to your bedroom taking in a deep breath.

Despite the happiness that you two had shared, learning that you loved one another, there was still the reason he really showed up at your house in the first place. So you made a mental note to test the waters and see if he was up to talking about it though you had almost lost every thought in your head when Steve walked into your room with wet hair and no shirt.

Your eyes were glued to his chest, unable to think properly.

Steve was quick to notice where your line of vision, “Y/n! Don't look at me like that!” He gasped while dramatically pulling his arms over his chest to give himself some coverage.

You should have probably seen that one coming, “Okay, you got me.”

For the first time all night, Steve had actually cracked a real smile, immediately sending one to your face as well.

“Come sit.” Your voice was more serious after the laughter died down.

Steve didn't hesitate even a second before he was sitting closely next to you, his thigh touching yours.

“Please talk to me.” Steve knew exactly where this was going.

He wasn't sure if it was your gentle voice or the fact it was just you and him but he felt safe to share what had happened, “You know how much of an asshole dad is. We can never agree on anything and ever since I started paying for all of my own things I stood up a bit more and I guess he had just had enough. I'm honestly not surprised it happened, it just hurts like a bitch.” The last part was meant to be light-hearted but you couldn't help but let your eyes drift to his swollen lip and then to his bruised side.

“Fuck him. You deserve way more than both your mom and your dad,” you were making contact with him now, “I know it was hard for you to tell me how you were feeling tonight but I just want you to know how much it means to me that you trust me enough to talk about this stuff. I love you endlessly and I always will.” your hand gently caressed the side of his face. He leaned his head deeper into your hold and shut his eyes for a moment.

“Y/n?”

“Yes?”

“Can I please kiss you now?”

You simply nodded your head as he leaned in fully this time. Your lips gently connected, moving perfectly slow. You both had thought about kissing each other countless times, so you were careful not to rush the moment and truly just enjoy being this close to each other.

Your hands traveled to the back of his neck, your fingers running through his hair.

His hands had wrapped themselves snuggly around your waist, pulling you both deeper into the kiss.

Butterflies were swirling wildly in your stomach as Steve began smiling into the kiss, which then caused you to do the same. Your foreheads came together as you both held smiles on your faces.

“As much as I just want to stay like this forever, we should probably get you into some clothes.” You were giddy as you hesitantly pulled out of his grasp.

You walked over to your dresser pulling out a shirt he had left at your house a few weeks ago.

You tossed it gently to him for him to throw on, but he must have tried to put it on too quickly because he let out a loud wince.

“Easy there, pretty boy.” You smiled while pulling the shirt the rest of the way over him so he could gently put his arms back down without any more pain.

When you could see his face again, he was blushing terribly mostly because of the nickname you had let slip out so easily.

“Don't ever stop calling me that.” He hummed in contentment, pulling you back onto the bed with him.

This time you were both lying down, you cuddled into Steve as much as you could without hurting his side.

“I love you,” He tenderly whispered in your ear as his body finally melted into yours.

“And I love you, Steve Harrington.”

“What happened to pretty boy?”

“You're always my pretty boy.”

[moonlit-han]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write a SKZ x female reader reaction where she's mentally exhausted from work? I work in a nursing home and it's a mess rn. In the last two weeks I had seven ppl die. Please and thank you.

just hold me

genre: reaction, established relationship au, fluff, angst pairing: skz x femme reader word count: 2.2k warnings: mentions of death and the covid-19 pandemic, exhaustion/burn-out from work, feelings of overwhelm and mild panic, hopelessness, some kissing request: yes a/n: hey, anon~ i’m so sorry it’s been nearly a year since you sent this. i hope you’re less tired and that there’s more happiness in your life. be safe and well!

✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧

↠↞ 

bang chan

chan’s caring and protective instincts immediately go into overdrive 

he sees how haggard you look and can’t contain his worry

you’ve been telling him for weeks now how maddening working in a nursing home is

you have to deal with ever-changing covid response protocols, death, everyone on staff being overworked, lack of sleep, more death, your own fears about the virus, the families who insist on wanting to see their loved ones (even though it’s forbidden), and even more death

all you want to do is lie down for awhile and sleep

and so, your bed now has the softest sheets, a puffy duvet, seven pillows, and chan

always chan.

at least when you wake up from the nightmares of him dying, 

he’s right there and real, reassuring you that he’s alive and that you’re safe

chan’s working from home, thankfully

he is adamant about keeping things as clean as possible not only for protection, but also so that you have somewhere to rest and recuperate

clutter doesn’t help anyone to rest, after all

on the days that you come home and can barely function anymore because you’re so drained,

chan just guides you to the shower and helps you wash

he’s secretly glad that he can take care of you and give you all the love in the world (somehow, it’s even more than usual!)

he has the time

and honestly just wants everything to be okay

seeing you absolutely wrecked breaks his heart,

but chan knows that as long as he holds you at night and tells you he loves you over and over again, things just might turn out okay in the end

lee minho

minho’s first inclination is to put a cat in your lap

akjgskdjfhgkj okay okay no

the first thing minho does is scoop you up into his arms

(after you’ve cleaned up from work bc ew no covid)

and hold you for like an hour straight

he nuzzles your neck and rubs your back

while giving you little kisses everywhere he can reach

minho wishes you could take just one day off, but understands that that’s not really possible at the moment

(it drives him just a little crazy)

and he knows you’re exhausted and can barely think

so he just tells you what’s for dinner and that you’ll love it

minho then tells you all about his day, knowing full well that you might not remember a single thing he says

he just wants to comfort you with the sound of his voice

but he wholeheartedly respects when you need silence

or if you need to ramble about your day to process what’s happened.

having death walking so close at hand is harrowing at best

and terrifying at worst

there are times when you just go quiet, staring off into the distance

because the memories of work have left you stricken

and minho gently wraps his arms around you to remind you that you’re home

you’re as safe as you can be

and that he’s got you

he’s happy—proud, really—to support you and keep you standing tall

seo changbin

like chan, changbin’s protectiveness comes to the fore

he doesn’t want you to get hurt or sick

he’s worried. really worried.

the entryway to your home has become a disinfecting station

(not that you’re complaining, since it means you can both feel a bit safer)

and the two of you are incredibly careful

but changbin’s worried about your mental health, too

it’s obvious—and through your own admission—that you’re fraying at the seams, as it were

you can barely process new information, your brain only holding onto what is essential in that moment

changbin buys you a bouquet of roses whenever he can because he knows you love them

and he doesn’t want your relationship to be any less romantic, even if you’re barely hanging on

when you fall asleep at the dinner table, nearly in mid-sentence,

changbin just picks you up and carries you to bed

he doesn’t even have to put you into your pajamas,

since you’ve established your home as a pajamas-only zone

he tucks you into bed

and pulls the blankets all the way up over your head, just as you like it

he kisses your forehead before quietly shutting the door behind him

then, changbin takes the last few bites of his food, cleans up from dinner, and washes up before bed

when he comes back into the bedroom, you’re fast asleep

carefully, so carefully, changbin slips under the covers

he folds you against his body, metaphorically tucking the stray threads of your consciousness back into place

he brushes a lock of hair out of your eyes, and presses his lips to the top of your head, murmuring that he loves you more than anything

even asleep, you seem to register that and snuggle closer to changbin

you both know that you’ll sleep better twined together like that

hwang hyunjin 

hyunjin completely understands what it’s like to be mentally exhausted

and physically exhausted

and even what it’s like to be unable to differentiate the two

that’s the worst

he knows you’re at that point

and insists that he do everything in his power to make it better

in addition to the meticulously organized cleaning station inside your door,

your apartment now features:

a blanket fort in the living room

garlands of flowers (fake, unfortunately) hung around your bed, accompanied by faerie lights

a new array of soaps and scrubbies for all your bathing needs

a new dish draining system constructed above your sink, since you’d been complaining about the old one (yay, more counter space!)

and one very lovey hyunjin, always ready to give you the biggest kisses ever

he doesn’t just focus on material things, though

no, hyunjin listens carefully whenever you need to rant about work

and asks if you just need a set of ears, feedback, or help finding a solution

you really do love him for that

(and everything else, of course ajkskjfhdg)

and if you just need to cry yourself out over the death of a lady you’d taken care of for over a year, 

then he just holds you and pets your hair

if you can, hyunjin makes sure that you take a walk every so often, just to get some fresh air

and whenever possible, the windows all over your apartment are thrown wide to tempt a breeze in

hyunjin also gets in touch with all your friends and plans a weekly video or phone chat with them,

since it’s obvious that you miss them

he knows that, as much as you love each other, you sometimes need other people in your lives to help lighten your emotional and mental burdens

han jisung

jisung…

unbeknownst to you, jisung calls your boss and begs

actually begs

for you to be given a day off

he slightly plays up your mental state, but he doesn’t have to hyperbolize too much

things really are bad

he knows that if you don’t get a day off from going into that nursing home sometime soon,

you’ll crack like an egg dropped from the top of a ten-story building

jisung does not want that to happen

your boss had taken a liking to jisung the one time they met, 

which makes it far easier than he expects to snag a day of freedom for you

so, when you wake up on Friday morning and roll over to find jisung staring at you, a cheeky grin on his face,

you are confused

jisung just keeps grinning

when you make to get out of bed, he pulls you back down and wraps his arms and legs around you

while this isn’t unusual behavior for jisung, he doesn’t normally cling to you on work days.

after some wriggling around on your part, 

it’s established that you aren’t going to work

you just about cry with relief, and give jisung more kisses than he knows what to do with

you then just stay in bed all day

and when you want to talk about work, jisung just listens and reassures you that he’s there for you

and that you loves you more than anything (including cheesecake)

the afternoon is spent napping, eating the food jisung brings you, making out, napping some more

and thanking any god who’ll listen that you have such a caring partner

lee felix

felix is devastated to see you so close to broken

he’ll catch you aimlessly walking around the house,

clearly unable to focus and not really wanting to anyway

he can feel the hopelessness radiating off you like the heat from a wood stove

felix can only imagine what it’s like to see so much suffering and death

and to be able to do so little about it

no wonder you feel like the world is crashing and burning

(as if it isn’t already…)

his first response is to want to fix what’s wrong

but then he remembers that fixing things isn’t always what’s needed

so, he decides that (if you can) the two of you are going to take a walk together every day when you get home from work

he wants you to not feel confined, both mentally and physically

you’d forgotten this because of how busy you’ve been and how infrequently you’ve been able to just get out of the house,

but felix likes to hold hands and skip while you’re taking walks

it’s absolutely adorable

when you get back home, felix just wraps an arm around your waist 

and holds on

wherever you go, whatever you do, he’s there beside you

just having felix beside you, the warmth of his body against yours, 

the familiar and yet no less wonderful smell of just him…

it all comes together to enfold you in a cocoon of safety

and in that space—whether truly physical or mental—you can finally relax a bit

and breathe

kim seungmin

he makes sure to do all the shopping, cleaning, bill paying, dog walking, and functioning necessary to leave you the space in which to utterly break down

he’ll leave you alone to give you space, if you’d like,

but as soon as you need him there beside you,

it’s as if you’ve been glued together.

when you’re cuddling on the couch or in bed,

seungmin just rubs your back in long, slow strokes 

and tries not to plan, at the same time, how to get back at 

your patients

your coworkers

your boss

the world

and, possibly, the universe 

for making you so exhausted and feel like you’re about to short-circuit

he’s absolutely fed up with how work has made you into a bit of a zombie

(queue day6’s “zombie” bc well… it’s seungmin)

like changbin, seungmin gets you flowers and a new bouquet appears every week

seeing the bright blooms helps improve your mood a bit

but not even the sweet scent of lilacs can mask the sense that something is screaming inside your head

seungmin makes sure to never have lilies in the house

their cloying scent brings too many associations with death to your mind, since you’ve seen far too many lilies at the nursing home

at this point, it almost seems like a funeral home…

seungmin does everything in his power to make your life brighter, 

to both acknowledge, and take your mind off, the hell that you’re going through every single day

if he has to bring you the sun on a string, 

or the moon and stars sewn into a cloak to wrap around you,

then he will

yang jeongin

jeongin panics a bit at how exhausted you are

and that not even a (large) bowl of ice cream or a bath help.

he so enthusiastically wants to support you and help you, that you begin to feel better just from that alone

knowing jeongin loves you so much and that he’ll do everything he can comforts you more than you can express

even just his presence soothes you and gives you energy

he puts together your lunch every day, and leaves little notes of encouragement and love with it

when you come home,

jeongin’s so happy and relieved to see that you made it through another day,

that he has to actually restrain himself from sweeping you up in his arms 

and kissing you soundly

but as soon as you’re clean and have had a moment to relax,

get ready...

because you will be so kissed

but jeongin knows that kissing doesn’t solve all the world’s problems,

and is sure to listen when you need to process the day’s events, too

if you end up crying with frustration at the seeming futility of caring for the elderly in a pandemic,

jeongin reminds you that every life you can help save matters in the end

and if you can’t even form words because your mind has shut down to protect itself from the horrors of reality, then jeongin just holds you and gently hums 

the slight vibrations of his voice coming through his chest help ground you

his voice is a tether to this world that helps keep you sane, helps keep you here

so when all you can say is “just hold me,”

jeongin crushes you to his chest and vows never to let go

[george-fabian-weasley]

if we had 5 more minutes — f. w.

Summary: You thought you could save Fred from the rumbles of falling stones; you did your best, only to be in the rumbles with him instead.

Words: 2,160 words

Warnings ⚠ : ANGST, TW: Death, TW: Battle of Hogwarts, TW: war, TW: injuries, Fred died, you died, big Pain™, I strongly suggest tissues and a dozen of comfort chocolates, I cried so you will too, Basically An Emotional Rollercoaster, Read At Your Own Risk

Disclaimer: inspired by Billie Eilish's cover of The End of The World, so... ya'll know this is going to be a painful ride. Buckle up your seatbelts and enjoy. Reblogs and Comments are Highly Appreciated! <3 p/s: reading this with the song at the background really helps with the tear pouring effect ;)

Disclaimer 2.0: i know what yall are thinking... what tf is syaf doing, posting a fic when she’s in a hiatus she just posted yesterday? Also where is mad hatter chap 5 and epilogue? well, my brain likes to conjure up ideas at very inappropriate times (like rn) so bare with me and uh i’ve been really physically and mentally exhausted from work (retail is bathshit crazy) to write the mad hatter series so idk when will i update the two chapters but i’m working on it! thank you for being patient, and im sorry for causing you guys to wait for so long, ilysm don’t kill me <3 

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The end of the world.

The Battle of Hogwarts looked like the end of the world. Curses and spells thrown left to right, different kinds of bodies found at each corner and crook, walls here and there crumbling as down as hope for freedom. And blood.

At that point of time, the pools of blood on the floor look the same; pureblood or not. Because they bleed the same anguish red.

You didn't need to see the apocalypse of the world anymore. Screw the end of Mother Earth; this battle in front of your eyes was more than enough — sadly — to be your end of the world.

“Hey,” You called, causing Fred to turn his head around to your direction, his lips etched up a smile before replying with another hey. You sat next to him, the place where George had sat before he got up and left to speak with Professor Lupin.

Evil is winning, and good is losing. But then again, what difference would it make; if good kills as many as evil? At the end of the world, there is no good and evil alone. There are desperation, madness, and hunger for power, lust for victory brought along with them.

So, at the end of the world, you chose to be side by side with your lover, Fred Weasley. The red-headed dork you’ve taught yourself to pour your love into had become the very source of your life. He is your elixir, he is your soul, heart, and happiness.

It was silent for a while, none of you had anything to say. Yet the silence was comforting, with only the presence of each other as calming as it is. “Y/N,” Fred suddenly turned his head to you, biting his lower lip in contemplation. “Hm?” “Can you just stay at the Burrow?” 

You blinked, “What?” Fred sighed, “Can you just stay at the Burrow right now and not join the war? I- I don’t want you to join in-” “Fred-” “I-It’s dangerous and it’s literally a war a-and I don’t want you to get hurt I would- I would rather die than have you hurt-” 

“Fred!” You raised your voice, your hand clasping onto his securely, an effort to calm his frenzied thoughts. He stopped rambling and stared at you with those doe eyes you adored so much, “You know I can’t do that.”

“We need everyone on board for this war. I am no exception- bloody hell, even your parents are joining in, Freddie!” You tried to explain slowly, and Fred closed his eyes in denial of defeat. 

“I love you,” he suddenly blurted out. He noticed the slight fluster you had, your eyebrows were raised for a millisecond before they furrowed upon a realization, “Wait, why are you saying this now? I-“ “I love you, Y/N,” he repeated himself and you shook your head, realizing what he was doing, “Wait, hold on a minute, no-“

He was saying it in case anything happens.

“Y/N, I love you-” “Don’t you dare say it one more time like you’re not gonna make it, Fred Weasley, I swear to Merlin,” You cut him off, your jaw clenching at his absurdness. “… Aren’t you gonna say it back?” Fred asked, his voice was small.

“I-” You sighed, “No, I won’t because I don’t want to say it right now, given the circumstances,” You paused, your voice quieting down, “It felt like a goodbye when you say it like that.” “Then when will you say it? We’ve been dating for almost a year and you'd never say it before,” He said.

“Really? This is the time to argue about this?” You gave him a pointed look, but your expression softened as you understood the meaning behind his actions. “Look, Freddie, I- You know how I feel about us,” You sighed, looking down at your hands on your lap, “You know I’m not that expressive with my words but- but I’m trying and- okay, let’s make a deal,” Fred’s ears perked up the mention of a deal. "I'm listening," he drawled.

“I’ll say the words when the war is over,” Fred gave you a sour look that clearly said ‘really?’ and it caused you to huff a smile, “Once everything is over, and everything is okay again, I’ll say them as many times as you want me to, okay?” Fred leaned into your touch as you cupped his cheek with your hand, kissing his forehead.

“Even if I made you say it a thousand times?” He asked and you chuckled, your heart warming at his childlike question, “I’ll say it for an hour if you asked me to.”

It happened so fast.

One second you were fighting off the Death Eaters with Percy and Fred, and then the other, you find your body aching at the major pressure from the rocks and debris that used to be Hogwarts’ protective wall from the outside world.

It was dark, and it was dusty, but you were too unconscious to notice. That was until you felt your cheek being patted a few times. As you gained consciousness with a cough or two, you also gained the pending pain spreading all across your whole body. You couldn’t feel your legs, or safe to say your whole lower body part. 

Memories of you a few moments ago trying to push Fred away from the rumbles but ended up facing the falling stones head-on with him instead began to flow back into your mind. How foolish could you be to act like a hero, as if you could sacrifice yourself for him to live.

“… Y-Y/N…”

You turned your head with a silent grunt, and your eyes fixate at the body beside you, a few feet away, Fred. 

He had blood leaking from his nose and ears, probably from the impact, and his face was dusty with debris from the stones. As he looked at you, he threw you a smile; a weak, hiding the fact that he’s in immense pain kind of smile.

“F-fancy seeing you here,” he grunted with a wince, a smile nevertheless rested on his lips. “Fred…” you could only mutter his name, closing your eyes for a brief second at the growing pain on your thighs. The pressure from the rumbles had slowly increased, and you felt yourself losing consciousness again. Only to be brought back to open your eyes as Fred poked your cheeks a few more times, “Hey, hey, s-stay with me, love.”

“We’ll… We’ll be okay.”

You winced at the trickling sensation on your skin as you tried to move your fingers towards him, “It’s… It’s impossible, Fred…” You voiced out, your voice cracking up. You saw Fred’s lips quivered before he threw you another comforting smile, “Don’t… Don’t say that. We’ll make it… I-I know we will.”

“We… We will?”

Groaning from the injuries on his body as he tried to move closer to you, he nodded, “We will.”

You felt his fingers trying to reach for yours, and you handed him assistance as you hooked your fingers with his. His hand was cold, trembling. But it was Fred’s. And Fred’s hand is always warm.

“It’s… It’s so heavy,” You whimpered in pain, looking at Fred for comfort. All Fred wished to do at the moment was to be strong enough. Strong enough to push off these rumbles pressing onto his body. Strong enough to pull you out from the pain. All he wished for was for you to not be in pain anymore. But he knew he couldn’t do anything. The rumbles were too big, too heavy, and it would take a while for anyone to find them at the bottom of everything. 

Fred breathed out heavily through his mouth, slowly finding it difficult to breathe through his nose anymore, trying his best to look strong for you, “Stay with me, love. S-stay with me. Five more minutes. F-five more minutes and they’ll- they’ll save us…”

“Fred…”

“Five more minutes, I promise…”

You saw the desperation in his eyes, trying his best to somehow keep you afloat until you two are saved. You heard muffles from the other side, Percy screaming for Fred and you. His screams were sad and painful to hear; you would’ve cried for him if it wasn’t for the constant high-pitched ringing in your ears.

“Fred, h-hold my hand. P-please,” You whispered, finding no more strength to say anything louder than a whisper. He instantly intertwined your fingers with his, stretching as far as he could to reach you; no matter how screeching the pain in his lower body was.

“Fred,” You called him again. He chuckled a bit, “You’re… you’re saying my name a lot of times right now, darling.” You huffed a smile, the corner of your lips twitched, “… I want to ask you something.”

“… Anything.”

Your eyes met his, even in the darkness, his eyes still managed to look so beautiful. So earthly beautiful. “… Are you happy, Freddie?”

There was something about the way you say it, Fred couldn’t get a touch of what it was but… it felt like a goodbye. As much as Fred hated to admit, he wasn’t holding on much longer either. He was bleeding heavily from everywhere, his wand was out of his reach, and his body was starting to numb. His vision began to blur by itself, hence he blinked his eyes repeatedly. Trying his best to see your features clearly, one last time, if the worst happens.

This is it, he thought. This is the end of my line. 

Finding an urge to cry, but didn’t have enough strength to sob, Fred let out a tear or two onto the dusty surface he laid his head on, his eyes closing after the content stare of your beautiful— though bloody and dusty— face. How ironic, he’s slipping away first even though he was the one who said five more minutes.

If only you had five more minutes.

“W-with… With you? Heh, always… “ The whisper coming out from his mouth caused you to narrow your eyes at him. It felt strange, it felt wrong. Was he saying goodbye? Watching Fred close his eyes was alarming, so you gained all your strength to pat his hand a few times, “H-hey, Freddie… Five more minutes. Hang… Hang on for five more minutes, please.”

You squeezed his hand, and he naturally squeezed back, only this time it was weaker than usual. His grip on your hand started to soften, but you tightened yours desperately. The pain all over your body was partially forgotten, your only focus was on keeping Fred breathing and alive, as well as yourself. 

“I’m… I’m trying, my love… but I’m sleepy… and tired…” he mumbled, his words became slurred by time. He was on the edge, you realized that. Upon the sad realization, you bit your tongue, trying your best to prepare for the worst. “L-look at me, darling,” Your voice quivered, feeling the sandy surface on your temple as you tried to force your eyes open, to properly look at him, “Look at me.”

You knew it. He was slipping away from your fingers, and you were slipping too. It didn’t matter anymore even if Percy bulldozed his way to you now, it was too late. Simply too late. And that’s none of his faults. It’s none of his and none of yours.

Some things are just meant to be.

You took your other hand and placed it onto his cold, dirty cheek. Caressing his cheekbone gently, you gave him a comforting smile, “Fred.”

He looked at you, a faint smile on his lips. He’s at the end, you acknowledged. You widen your smile to assure him, although the tears escaping your eyes say otherwise, “… You make me happy. You make me so so happy. And I… I love you.”

“I love you, Freddie.”

With a big smile, Fred widened his eyes weakly, letting out a sigh of content as he looked at you with gentle eyes,“… Now that wasn’t so hard, now was it?“

Gentle eyes that soon hollowed empty.

“Yeah,” the dam of your tears broke down, “Took me a long time...” You squeezed his now lifeless hand, trying to find comfort and warmth from him for the last time. You smiled at Fred, whilst tears rolling down your temple slowly as if mourning the passing of your lover for you. You inched closer to him, careful not to graze your injuries, and met your nose with his.

You caressed his cheek, finally feeling yourself lose consciousness. This is it, you thought, I won’t wake up ever again. “You said we’ll be okay,” You whispered weakly, huffing a content smile on your lips. Staring into his eyes that had held so much love and pure unadulterated affection for you all these years, now empty with no trace of life, had sent you into pain more powerful than the injuries present on and in your body.

“I guess we will be, after this.”

“… You spent your last five minutes with me, huh?” You felt yourself going in and out of consciousness, and your vision blurring continuously, “Aren’t you a sappy git,” the mere whisper escaped your mouth with a sigh. The warm smile never left your lips, and the only thing in your mind was how peaceful he looked as of that moment, and you wondered if you’ll ever be in that state of peace, with him.  

“No- no- no!” someone was shouting. “No! Fred! no!” And Percy was shaking his brother, and Ron was kneeling beside them with his hand on Y/N’s head, and the pair of lovers stared at each other without seeing, the ghost of their last smile still etched upon their faces.

On our last few drags of air, we agree

I was, and you were

Happy

TAGLIST:

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[wcnderlnds]

better with you / colin zabel x reader.

Pairing: Colin Zabel x Reader Description: Colin goes to his reunion, gets drunk and you end up having to take him home. Warnings: alcohol mentions Word Count: 1165 A/N: hello i love colin zabel with my whole heart so expect more fics of him. again ya girl is sick and writing is the only thing keeping me sane rn so if its garbage we blame that.

Paperwork was your least favourite part of the job but Mare had given you the task of going through and filling out things that needed to be filled. It wasn’t like you could protest either — you were under Mare’s guidance. See, you had worked in the precinct for the better part of two years now. Most of the time you were situated at a desk but wanted to do more. Mare had seen how dedicated you were and decided that maybe she could teach you the ropes, get you out there on the field. After all, you had all the qualifications there just wasn’t use for so many detectives in Easttown. That didn’t mean there couldn’t be another. Honestly, Mare could use the help especially with the case she was on now.

They’d brought in a County Detective by the name of Colin Zabel. He was a good guy, best at his job but Mare wasn’t too keen on him. She didn’t trust him — she didn’t trust anyone, to be honest. But, you and Colin seemed to get along really well. You laughed at his dumb jokes, he was always willing to stay late and help when you were swamped with paper work — it was nice to have him around. You hadn’t had someone like that in a while. Most of your friends had moved out of town or had families that they spent their time with so Colin’s company was more appreciated than he’d know.

Besides, he was cute and there was the slight chance that you were harbouring a small crush on him. Mare knew it, too. Every time she caught you laughing at one of his stupid jokes or saw how you blushed when he said something nice about you she couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“Don’t stay too long, (Y/N), okay?” Colin’s voice caused you to lift your head up from the paper you’d been focused on. He sat on the edge of your desk, jacket slung over his shoulder.

“I’ll try not to,” you smiled. 

“If I didn’t have this reunion, I’d stay,” he sounded almost sad at the fact that he couldn’t stay behind. Instead, he had to go spend time with his friends but all he wanted was to be with you.

“It’s okay! Go have fun.”

With a smile, he left you alone to finish what you were doing. Only a few officers were left around the precinct. They were the unfortunate ones who’d taken the night shift which would mostly end up being calls to stop bar fights and the odd home call. One of the officers brought you over a coffee to which you thanked them with a kind smile.

*****

It must have been only three hours later when you got a phone call from Mare. She’d informed you that Colin was at the bar she was at and in pretty bad shape. Apparently, he was drunk out of his mind talking about an ex fiancee. Colin had only spoken a handful of times about his ex but you knew it was a sore subject for him. That’s why you found yourself in the bar. Eyes scanned the place and soon enough you found Colin at the bar, leaning against it to hold himself up.

You made her way over to him, sliding past people in the crowded bar. He looked up and a bright smile adorned his face when he noticed you sit on the stool next to him. “Well, hello, pretty lady.”

“Hey, Colin,” you chuckled. “You doing okay?”

“Me? I’m fine. Completely fine. Hey, barkeep,” he waved over the bartender. “M’lady here will have a white wine and… just give me more of that… that drink I was drinking earlier. I can’t remember.”

You glanced at the bartender, subtly shaking your head to let him know that you didn’t want the drinks and that you were going to get Colin out of there. “I’m guessing the reunion went well?”

“Uh, yeah. I mean, I saw my ex but… pfft.”

“I’m sorry, Colin,” you placed your hand on his that was resting on the bar. His eyes shot down to your hands then back up to your face. 

“I… just… I don’t get it, y’know? How do you wake up one day and not love someone anymore? Am I not good enough?” his eyes watered, his hand fully holding yours now. 

It broke your heart to see him like this. In your eyes he deserved the world and nothing less. This man was nothing but pure heart. He gave his all to everything he did, he was friendly to everyone he met and he never once treated anyone like they were below him despite being one of the best detectives around. It was all of that that made you have feelings for him. All you wanted to do was tell him how incredible he was.

“Listen to me,” you started, bringing your free hand to rest on his face, thumb gently brushing across his cheek. “You are more than good enough for anyone. I’ve never met someone so… selfless. You have a heart of gold, Colin Zabel. Anyone on this planet would be lucky to have you. I…I’m lucky to just know you. My life has already been better for it. She didn’t deserve you and it’s her loss. One day she’s going to realise she lost the best thing in her life and I know that because every day when you walk into that office, my day is instantly brighter. You are… just, the best person,” each word was spoken softly, eyes never leaving his.

It seemed like your words had sobered him up slightly. Not enough for him to think rationally because once you’d finished speaking, he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours in the softest, most gentle kiss. Fireworks exploded in your stomach, the sparks between you two more than you’d ever thought they’d be. It was short but it was enough. Besides, he was drunk. There was a high chance he wouldn’t even remember any of this in the morning. That thought broke your heart but you tried not to think about it.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” He hung his head.

“It’s okay. Come on. Let’s get you home,” you got to your feet, putting your arm around his waist for support.

“I’m lucky to know you,” he smiled his little drunken smile at you as he threw his arm around your shoulders. “The world sucks but every second I spent with you makes it suck that little bit less. I…, man, I’m crazy about you. So crazy about you.”

Colin kept drunkenly rambling as you helped him home. You tried not to dwell on what he was saying too much considering how drunk he was but what you didn’t know was he meant every single world and he would be sure to tell you the next time he was sober.

[awkward-and-indecisive]

HAPPIEST FUCKING BIRTHDAY CHAN!!!

Fair warning before you proceed. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense because I’m literally crying over here. I’m a blubbering mess because I love you so much and all I want to do rn is squish you in the biggest of hugs but I can’t so here’s some very long emo rambling from me.

I mean, what do I even say? How do I explain in words how much you mean to me? To me, you are literally a blessing. I would be so utterly lost without you that I’m scared to even think what if I never met you on this hellsite. It only has been a bit over a year since I’ve know but what a fucking year it has been.

You literally thirsted with me over Jensen Snackles and then encouraged me to write my first ever fic and I'm so grateful to you for that because if it hadn’t been for you then I never would’ve realised how much I love writing. You beta all my fics and are always so excited about any ideas I get. You kick my self doubt in the ass and are always so supportive of whatever I do. You literally do not have to do all of this but you still do and it just makes me fall in love with you even more. It just shows how gorgeous of a soul you are. 

You let me rant, cry, scream, tease and flirt with you all I want and never once judge me. Not even when I crack my stupid lame jokes. I love listening to you talk about your day and fanfiction worthy college drama. Just simply exchanging memes with you has been the highlight of my shitty days. 

You also act like a twitter filter for me 😂 and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that Soldier Boy edit I made that you made me post 💀. I just hope to god nobody ever sees it 💀 

I have never been the kind of person who thinks a few years ahead because I know that nothing ever lasts forever or even a few months, let alone years. But if I know one thing, if there’s one thing that I can feel deep in my bones, is that I can always see you being a part of my future. I can always imagine ranting to you, laughing at stupid things with you, flirt with you using cheesy hindi lines, going crazy over new wip ideas, thirsting over men, screaming when Taylor drops something new, telling you about stupid things that happen in everyday life. 

I don’t know if you know this but I absolutely love your writing. That birthday fic that you wrote for me has literally become one of my comfort fics and I always find myself reading it every few days. It’s just THAT good and your writing is just THAT good. 

You are kind, smart as fuck (just look at your college course and how well you do), funny, sassy, beautiful (i don’t clearly remember your face but i know the comment i made that made you slide in my dm’s 😏 and i still stand by it 😤), cute, so lovable that i literally want to squish you. I can run out of words but not run out of things that I love and admire about you. You’re beautiful in every aspect. 

I’m honoured to know you, not only as my girlfriend, but as another human. I know you’re not good with words, neither am I, which is very funny seeing as how we both are writers, 💀 but you don’t have to say shit for me to feel it. I can feel your love and support and care for me just through a screen while being hundreds of miles apart. 

I may not have all the knowledge about murdering someone and getting away with it like you, but i do know that if someone messes with you, then i bet my non-existent ass they can talk to my fists and the wall when i bash their head through it.

I may never get to know your face or your voice, but I'll love you forever. Your face and voice doesn’t matter (okay i don’t mean it like that. They do matter. Very much. Yk what i’m trying to say. Stop laughing at me being a dumbass!). I wouldn’t love you any differently than I do now. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to give you the biggest hug!!! 😩 *goes to earn money so she can visit you*

I love how we literally went from strangers to thirst partners to a writer and beta to friends to best friends to now girlfriends 😏. I wouldn’t want anyone else to have this 180k, multi chapter, slow burn fanfic journey with anyone else other than you. I just hope we only go forward from here. Fyi that means wives 😂

Thank you for making my life brighter. Thank you for making me experience that ZNMD wali dosti. Thank you for loving me in the purest way. Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for me, keep doing, and will do in the future. And these are just some of the things I’ve mentioned that you do for me. There are a million others that you do that I know of. Million others that I don’t even know you do. It’s just I feel you’re here and everything gets better. I start smiling and having hope for this shitty world. The dark parts of me brighten.

So today on your birthday, I wish you all the best things in the world. I wish you immense happiness. I wish you the purest form of love that’s right out of one of your fics (NOT THE ANGSTY ONES!!! THE GOOD, HAPPY, FLUFFY, AND HEART MELTING LOVE!!!). I wish you all the light and laughter and good health. But most importantly, I wish you zero bus accidents 😭💀

I love you. More than you can imagine. More than I can imagine. 

Love

Your ‘behen’ 😒 (yes i’m never letting go of this and imma tease you till the end of times)

Abby

P. S. Here are some memes to tell you how much I love you because I’m shit at telling how I feel with words.

I almost forgot to tag you 😭😭😭

@msmarvelouswinchester

[sapphic-sasuke]

i just binged ur meta and this one on danzo is where i hoped the story would go after the pain arc when i first watched shippuden...

hope u don’t mind if i ramble here...i think naruto as a series kind of tried to have its cake and eat it too? like we get these hard moral conundrums (pain asking naruto what he thinks will bring peace) and also these cookie cutter talk-no-jutsu moments about conquering hAtReD which is so frustrating...it just had so much potential (guess that’s why i’m still bitter about it so many years after i first watched it lol) and whenever the main cast is presented with ideological conflict it’s just half-assedly resolved (hyuuga subplot grr)

out of curiousity, do u have any thoughts on how the shinobi system could actually be reformed? I haven’t read boruto but from the small bit i’ve absorbed through tumblr, naruto’s way didn’t work out at all. and what do you think of nagato’s magic nuke idea? whenever i think back to naruto now somehow nagato seems like the most reasonable dude, magic nukes are at least a bit more realistic than whatever madara and obito’s plan was.

okay one more thing do you have any fic recs for a sasuke who actually goes on to start revolution? and the system gets criticised and broken down? i’m forever salty that the vague arc that was forming where suigetsu and sasuke were wandering to different orochimaru bases and freeing the experiments didn’t lead to something more concrete. (i hope i’m remembering this right, it’s been like six years since i watched that part so >_<)

(sorry if this is choppy and disjointed, goddamn tumblr crashed just when i was gonna send the ask so i tried to reconstruct it from memory ugh)

((i was gonna end it here but i stumbled upon an itachi appreciation post rn so naturally i have to get a rant out of my system...people really try to glorify child soldier itachi committing genocide on his own family on the orders of his corrupt military dictator leaders lol. btw what is ur itachi characterisation? we see so little of him that’s not an “act” or from sasuke’s eyes, getting a handle on him is so hard.))

damn this ask got long...sorry for spamming ur inbox 🥺 have a good day!

hello! and thank you! im happy my danzo analysis was one you enjoyed

i completely agree that there were wonderful points in naruto that were simply discarded for no viable reason and with the potential it had? crazy honestly same here i think it's why i love the show so much because the potential it had to properly address these issues was there and we almost got that through sasuke but then he was "corrected" by naruto and the main cast. the conflict is so half-assed, and it makes me think... why bring up these issues that mirror real life (genocide, slavery etc) but then.. not ever properly resolve it?

nagato's one does seem the most reasonable tbh although if i were to look at canon options, id lean towards sasuke's goal. i think the revolutionary ideas were made very violent and "extreme" on purpose to have clear villains in place. i dont think an actual revolution by sasuke would be so... i do think that the shinobi system cant be reformed, only destroyed. reforming means compromising with the same shinobi who were keeping the system in place eg the kages etc. naruto is resolved by saying if we all fight against hatred things will be okay but that doesnt address how the "hatred" is getting intensified by the system itself that promotes violence for the sake of your village and for economic gain.

fics for sasuke starting a revolution are... very hard to find. i have some good anti konoha ones that are sasuke centric like this and this . i think the second one is building up to a revolution and its really good. as for my chosen characterisation of itachi. well if we are thinking canon wise, i have a oneshot where its mostly in itachi's pov hejfadsjdj if youre curious that fic is how i see itachi. not canon wise i have some chosen characterisations of itachi that i find very fun like this

(i feel you. i hate seeing people glorify itachi's actions. you're free to like him, even i do, but the moment you begin to try and defend genocide, torturing your own brother and all that disturbing jingoism is where i draw the line. itachi being used as a political pawn for the elders is an explanation, not a defence. he still decided to do it.)

and dont be sorry i love receiving asks :)))) have a nice day <333

[quinntheebrain]

Hi there! I was wondering if you could do a jealous bokuto x f!reader (preferably if not then gn! is fine). Like he gets jealous of his bby and kuroo getting along really well... a little too well lmao. Anyways, I hope your day/night is going great ya wonderful person <3

Pairing: Jealous!Bokuto Kōtarō x fem!reader

Warnings: implied alcohol use, a temporarily sad Bokuto, Ummm I curse????

A/N: *deep heavy sigh* I looked over this 1000x lmfao. I’m used to writing fics and not hcs, so they’re probably not the best (I gotta stop doubting myself). I’m always so nervous to share my writings, but this a learning process! Thanks for being my first request. It’s been a while since I wrote anything seriously and shared it. I really hope you enjoy it :) Also, somebody else (who I can’t think of rn) hc that Bokuto doesn’t drink, I just agree wholeheartedly. 

Oh, my precious baby Bokuto. He’s so cute it hurts🥺. 

He gets jealous easily. 

He’s so lively that people naturally gravitate toward him. So, he’s used to being the center of attention. 

Even though the only person’s attention he really cares about is yours.

Bokuto loves the way you look at him when he makes you smile. He loves the feeling of just being in your presence.

So, when he sees you and Kuroo smiling and laughing from across the bar he’s irritated. 

And when the two of you get a little too close for comfort, he’s fuming

...but for some reason, I feel like he wouldn’t say anything

Now, Bokuto would normally shut that shit down instantly.

But it’s Kuroo, his closest friend. He doesn’t want any kind of confrontation. He doesn’t want to cause a scene (I believe Bokuto could beat Kuroo’s ass)

So, he says nothing and instead spends the night alternating between super soft/affectionate and super distant. 

He’ll bring it up in private though. Half-jokingly asking if you’d prefer Kuroo to him. 

And when the conversation turns serious 

Don’t invalidate his feelings, don’t make him feel crazy. (he’ll curl up in a ball and it will be a long time before he opens up to you again)

RE-AS-SUR-ANCE!!!!!!!! He needs it; he will die without it. Please just tell this boy how much you love him. 

And please believe he doesn’t blame you alone. He talks to Kuroo after he talks to you.

Because next time, Bokuto won’t be so nice :)

This is the third time Kuroo has put his arm around you; Bokuto is counting. He watches you from across the room as he holds a conversation with Akaashi; though, at this point, his friend’s words are nothing more than background noise. 

You are supposed to be with them, but once Kuroo challenges you to a drinking contest, Bokuto knows it’s a lost cause. You promise to join him shortly and though he doesn’t believe you, he nods as if he does. Unlike you, and most of his friends, Bokuto doesn’t drink; he just doesn’t like the taste, but he wants you to have a good time. So, he goes to sit with Akaashi by himself but not before leaning down and pulling you into a soft kiss. Bokuto’s large palm caresses your cheek as his mouth moves delicately against your own; It’s quick and gentle, but it’s effective. His lips linger on yours just long enough to leave you wanting more; it’s a reminder that he’ll be waiting for you. 

But, 15 minutes have passed and you’re still glued to Kuroo’s side. 

Now, you’re a giggling mess, teasing one of your boyfriend’s closest friends, who seems to be enjoying the attention a little too much. The rest of their volleyball buddies watch and laugh, most of them far too inebriated to find anything wrong with the way the two of you are interacting. Bokuto, on the other hand, finds everything wrong with it. He watches you with narrow eyes and tightly clenched fists, trying his hardest to keep his composure.

“Your jealousy is showing,” Akaashi smirks at his best friend; Bokuto hasn’t been listening to a word he says. He wants to tease him about it but now doesn’t seem like the time. “Why don’t you just tell them it’s bothering you?” 

“They’re not doing it on purpose,” Bokuto sighs as he unclenches his fists, wiggling his fingers to crack his knuckles. “Besides, there was a time she couldn’t even be in the same room as Kuroo. I’m glad they’re friends now and if I say something I might ruin it.” he looks away from you and instead focuses on the ground. 

“Forget about Kuroo,” Akaashi says, slightly irritated. “What about you? If you don’t talk to her, you might ruin your relationship. You don’t want to harbor resentment toward the one you love,” Akaashi glances at Bokuto, who is unable to reply. They stand in silence for a short time. Akaashi doesn’t want to bombard Bokuto with advice; he knows that sometimes, a few thoughtful words are enough. “Look, it’ll be okay. I have to go.” Akaashi pats Bokuto’s shoulder, leaving him alone to think about the situation. 

Bokuto is truly happy that you and Kuroo have finally learned to get along but deep down, a part of him wishes the two of you never stopped the incessant bickering; part of him wishes that you still disliked Kuroo and he disliked you. Maybe, the petty arguments were nothing but an attempt to mask the attraction you felt toward each other but honestly, that’s what Bokuto would prefer. Because what’s happening now — you and Kuroo openly fawning over each other — is driving him crazy. 

I’m just imagining things, he thinks to himself. Maybe, there is no real meaning to the way the two of you are carrying on; but, watching as Kuroo embraces you in a hug that lingers a little longer than it should doesn’t ease his mind. Your face buried into Kuroo’s chest, his hands pressed firmly against your lower back as he rocks you side to side, it’s a bit more than Bokuto can handle. The thought of you in someone else’s arms so intimately bothers him, and pulling out your phone to take Kuroo’s contact info is the icing on the cake. 

Still, you’d never know how much it affects Bokuto because he approaches you like there’s nothing wrong, and though he tugs you away from Kuroo rather possessively, he does it with the brightest smile. “Alright, ready babe?” He looks down to you with those golden eyes, glimmering with adoration as he places a kiss on your forehead. You nod ‘yes’ quickly. “See you later, bro.” you both wave at his friends once more before the two of you exit the bar. 

A weight lifts from Bokuto’s shoulders as the door shuts behind him; the absence of his best friend shouldn’t put him at ease, but it does. Still, Bokuto has another problem. 

You don’t want to harbor resentment toward the one you love. Akaashi’s words play in his head like a broken record. If he doesn’t settle this now, he never will. His insecurities will continue to fester until he can no longer look at you the same.

“You and Kuroo were pretty cozy tonight,” he fakes a chuckle as he peers at you from the corner of his eye. “I’m glad you two are so close now.”

“Cozy?” you scrunch up your face. You could count the number of times Kuroo touched you on one hand (which was still too many for Bokuto).  You will admit that you spent an unusual amount of time with Kuroo, but he’s more entertaining when he’s drunk; it’s actually your favorite time to be around him. “Hardly. If anything,” you pause, “Wait a minute. Ko, are you jealous?” you manage to suppress your smile, but there's a hint of amusement in your tone. 

He doesn’t answer your question; it’s embarrassing enough to even be feeling this way and for you to call him out so quickly only makes it worse. He takes a deep breath, “Y/N,” Bokuto’s voice is barely above a whisper. “Do you ever think you’d be better off with Kuroo? I mean the two of you actually have a lot in common, and I just think-” the words sound crazy now that he’s finally saying them out loud. 

“No,” you say sternly and confidently, cutting off your boyfriend before he has the chance to ramble on. It’s reassuring how quick you are to shut the notion down. “Besides, we really only have one thing in common,” you pause in your tracks, forcing Bokuto to stop and look at you. 

“What’s that?”

“We both love you so much,” you can’t help but smile as you speak. Bokuto has such amazing people in his life and that warms your heart. “We would never try to hurt you; I would never try to hurt you. I’m so sorry for even making you feel like that.” the apology is sincere. Your glossy eyes are a giveaway. “If I haven’t made this clear, you are the only one for me. It’s you and me, together forever,” he wipes away a single tear; you hadn’t even realized you were crying. You never wanted to make him feel this way; he’s never sounded so defeated. Was he going to just hand you over to his best friend? Did he think you would accept that? “But really, Kuroo?” you pretend to vomit to lighten the mood. It makes you both laugh, something you desperately needed. 

“I love you,” Bokuto sighs in relief.  

“I love you too.” flinging your arms around his neck, you kiss him. 

There’s something almost enchanting about the way he immediately takes the lead. He doesn’t care about the taste of liquor that lingers in your mouth or the fact that you still smell like Kuroo’s cologne; at this moment, Bokuto only cares about you. His lips glide over yours passionately, yet ever so gently; your tongue sporadically teases his bottom lip, his teeth occasionally nibble on yours. It’s a steady rhythm that makes you weak in the knees. His hands find their way to your waist, then to your back, sliding down until they’re secure in your back pockets. 

Bokuto pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours. “Let’s get home, yeah?” he squeezes your ass before he removes his hands from your pocket; intertwining his fingers with yours, Bokuto starts to walk again. 

“Yeah,” you repeat with a smile on your face, nodding eagerly as he pulls you down the sidewalk. 

[tootyfruities]

answering earlier than expected bc of a random burst of energy? couldn’t be me 🤭 nah but i actually feel kinda sad™️ rn and u make me feel better so here i am 🤞but OMGKEJFJWBFHE WHERE DO I EVEN BEGINNNNN

youcore fr bc you’re so smart and cool bae ugh your mind is everything OMGMGMGMM you got me wanting to jump through the screen to gently hold shin but also gently hold you bc KDNSJDDKDN the storyline fits so well and like,,,, suits him if that makes sense???? i’m absolutely HERE for this letter writing arc and im so fuckin excited you have no idea <3 <3 <3 (might inspire to make more playlists too, just for u <3) even despite all this, I can still feel his dorky and soft self and I JUST

there’s this cute comic from @/loweater of toshi using asl w bakugou and eri and if i can find it i’ll tag you :) OH and his dad being his therapist and all the other details about his family wE LOVE TO SEE IT 🗣🗣🗣 (this moreso relates back to the blog which we’re gonna get into- but i remember you writing abt his (3?)pet cats so just a little idea there for u :>)

last thing darling!! please please please don’t feel pressured to reopen that blog or talk to me constantly. getting a little more personal in 3, 2, 1~ for the longest time when u took your hiatus, i felt so bad and guilty bc I thought I was the reason and I took so much of your time and energy and I admit and apologize for being way more emotionally dependent than I should’ve been. things have changed now and im doing a lot better! i love and care for u vv much so pls don’t beat yourself up over it ok <3

wait no sorry THIS is the last thing I swear 😭 i was actually gonna msg u a couple days ago bc i actually had a dream abt the voicemail thing- long story short,,,,, i think i called shin back the next day, we said hello and i unexpectedly (to him anyway) asked him a question abt his new pet fish…??? OK before u think i’m crazy;;; i think it was smth that he had rambled abt in the voicemail and i was asking abt it just to talk and exist freely before getting into the Other Much Needed To Be Discussed Topics.

okay i went like way overboard im sorry 💀 ily forever my darling mwah <3

I NEVER GOT THE NOTIFICATION FOR THIS IM SO SAD :(

UHM 1) i hope you're ok w me answering this publicly w the more personal info shared, if not lemme know and i will, idk delete this post? that being said! between my own terrible unmotivation and personal issues, plus yes maybe a little bit with the emotional dependence, it just felt hard to keep up with the blog. but you were never, ever ever ever, a Big Bad in my life, never. overwhelming sometimes, yeah(BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR IT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, OUR FLAWS MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER). but when i made the decision to close the blog it was not "riri makes things hard :(" it was, "things are hard and i gotta focus on myself :(". i appreciate and abs accept your apology though you are so cool and i am so so happy knowing that you're doing better <3

a bit of an extension on that;; i'm still deciding whether i wanna reopen the blog tbh. i've got a couple wips on there that i meant to finish but never did, plus small storylines i wanted to pursue thru shin's blogs that i can't exactly emulate thru I Am An Author Writing a Thing when it should be This Is A Guy Writing Stuff On His Tumblr Blog. plus publicly posting my writing is so rewarding to me :}

2) PLEASE DO JUMP THRU THE SCREEN and gently hold me n shin - woahoah we would both love that methinks. grrrr. i love you so much riri. no amount of poetic words can convey how much i love and adore you TRULY. you are a light in my life, i am happy and ready to have room in my life for you again :) <3

3) YOU DREAMED ABT IT AJFNNE. shin getting a fish... that would def clash with his, yes, 3 kitty cats. but also a calm pet that doesn't require love and affection? holy crap i shoulda considered it, that'd be way fitting for them,,, if not for the fact that fish are Slimy and shin likes Fluffy. in an alternate world where cats hadn't already stolen their heart, i can easily imagine shin getting into fish and maybe even lizards. he's got the range~

idk if i'm exactly gonna write what was said in the voicemail cos i wanted to leave that up to your interpretation, and tbh i'm GLAD for that cos your interpretation is great. muahaha

ilyilyily going to check out the mecore link now muah <3

[felikatze]

Just wanted to say thank you so much for all the brainworms you have been giving me and my friends for the past few hours about Ayin and all the analyses you've been doing about him.

I have been losing my mind in the middle of the night thinking about all the things you've said, turning it over like crazy and trying to compare it with the gameplay I've had of Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina.

Please do more analysis and share more of your ideas! Please? Please, with cherry on top? Please, I beg of you?

Especially if you have in-depth ideas of analyses for the Sephirah and how it relates to both their own characters and Ayin and Angela.

I thank you greatly in advance!

the implication that i've infected an entire friend group with my brainworms is power that will 100% go to my head i feel amazing. what else is analysis posting except trying to inflict people with the same thoughts bouncing around your skull on repeat

i DO have shit on the sephirah but mostly netzach, because i love netzach, and i in fact found my discord ramble about him (and chesed)

i dont have things on how they relate to A and Angela specifically because I mainly kept thinking abt Reverbaration Ensemble parallels... i have so many thoughs abt Netzach and Bremen.

(but if you want me to talk about, say, a specific core supression, or floor realization... i have a lot of thoughts on floor realizations.)

First off I am so sorry that you seem to think I'm smart because that means i have the perfect opportunity to inflict you with this

okay now we can get to the serious stuff

[transcript:

containment breach:

quick ramble abt lor again but i love the ensemble receptions so much. i'm at chesed's rn, and i know he's been chill the entire game, but him just refusing to comment on jae-hoon's tragedy seems, out of context, a dick move, but also is so important for chesed to do? he recognizes that another's suffering is not related to him, that he can't do anything about it, and that this is fine. The closest i'd describe chesed in lobcorp would be "activist burnout." Due to betraying the lab from garion's pressure, chesed was so consumed by guilt, he just blamed himself for everything and became more callous because it's already his fault, right? There's nothing he can do. But in lor, he knows what his responsibilities are, and allows himself joy where he can find it. I love the ensemble receptions bcuz they are just examplary of each patron libriarian's growth and i iqbfjc (sobs)

GOD this sure is a paragraph

also have to salute netzach for carrying his scene all by himself as the musicians of bremen just (animal noises) :pray:

ykno being online i realize that i'm not quiet at all i am a complete and utter chatterbox /end]

[transcript:

containment breach:

thinking abt netzach's scene where he doesn't talk to bremen, because he can't, but recognizes this who has not only lost themself in their own art but also their own suffering

i just i love netzach so much his entire character arc is abt learning to live with depression and learning to want to live again

so he becomes unable to understand, really, why someone would sacrifice themselves for their own art

when he started out just, similar yet different from bremen, completely submerged in his own misery

musicians of bremen reminds me i still have bremen bon bons at home i should eat those. they r tasty /end]

i wanna specifically dig into this scene more because i love that scene, a lot.

Art as we get to know it in the City is irrevocably tied to violence. Puppets are made of human bodies, music is played on bones and sinews. To the artists of the City, to create art is to make someone suffer. Rewatching Netzach's story bits, Roland describes it as doing nothing but seeking stimulation and being provocative.

Furthermore, there is a direct comparison between art and alcohol. To paraphrase more, the Pianist must've been one hell of a stimulant, like getting hit by a strong booze. A performance some are still hungover from.

Netzach's main struggle was addiction because of depression, and his growing appreciation for art is a continuation of that arc. He says himself that art and alcohol are linked.

However, alcohol is a step down from hard drugs. Netzach hasn't quit, but just that step down shows he learned moderation, which makes me very proud of him.

Moderation is what the other.. let's just call them artists, lack. I said in the screencaps above, initially, Netzach was lost in his own suffering, and the musicians of bremen are lost in their art. And if art is seen as equal to suffering, that just means Netzach and Bremen are more similar than expected. (Especially considering what we see of the musicians previously; they’re always trying to chase the same high they experienced listening to the Pianist by any means necessary. The addiction parallels are not suprising.)

I rewatched most of Netzach's lor scenes, and what rlly gets me is that in his first one, he seems almost the exact same as in lobcorp. He doesn't want to work, he got dragged into this against his will, he feels as if his accomplishments are futile.

But! He eventually invites Roland for drinks. He's not drinking to forget alone anymore, he's doing it as social activity. Furthermore, the more time he spends as Patron Librarian of Arts, the more he grows to appreciate art. Art is tied to suffering, still, but it is an expression of suffering. It does not produce any. Or should not, in any case. He sure wishes it wouldn’t.

So we arrive at his Ensemble Reception. This one makes a rather interesting comparison: art as the pursuit of the light. Let me elaborate.

To quote, “Honestly, I wanna tell people to stop doing the kind of art that requires ‘em to immolate themselves and others. Although, on the other hand... I can kinda see where they’re coming from. Art narrows your vision, after all.

You stop caring about the things around you. That’s how most artists seem to act, I think. And so, you indulge in the craft, not realizing that you’re throwing yourself and your surroundings into the fire you started.”

I pose this: Netzach speaks of his experience as Giovanni. Giovanni was a researcher who, when push came to shove, willingly sacrificed himself to advance the project, in hopes of seeing the light, seeing Carmen, again.

Though he dislikes Bremen’s actions, he does not judge them for it, because he recognized that it would be hypocritical. Even so, what shows that he’s grown is that he.. doesn’t want to see people harm themselves anymore. The focus here isn’t if Bremen hurt other people, which they have, but how much of themselves they’ve given up for their performance. He condemns the act, and not the people.

“If I can see that light once more... If I have to muster up the courage to reach it, I’ll gladly do it. It’s easier said than done, though; you need a lot of fearlessness for it.

And I guess you saw the same kind of light I was so desperate to see, yeah? Even if yours was a twisted creature... [...] Though, I don’t think I can tell you off like the others. At least I can see the reason behind it.”

He even explicitly mentions the light. The funny thing is, both Giovanni and Bremen tried to reach the Seed of Light, and Carmen. It’s tragically hilarious that we know Carmen is the voice the Distortions hear.

Hell, the more I think about it, the more you can just compare the Ensemble as a whole to the Outskirts Lab crew, down to Angelica’s puppet body and Carmen’s desecrated corpse.

“And I know pretty well that we have no right to devilishly pick apart each other’s way of art. I’m not very proud of mine, really...”

Netzach just.. gets it. I can’t remember atm, but I don’t think the other Patron Librarians really draw parallels like that. I’m seeing all the parallels now and I can’t unsee them ever. Bro.

His “art,” his way of protecting the light, is still violent. But he sees that perhaps it didn’t have to be, or rather shouldn’t be. I fucking love Netzach so much. His arc just means a lot to me personally, and I’d wager a lot of people who’ve struggled with mental illness would agree.

I’m not gonna get into Netzach’s floor realization here because this post is already long enough, but like, look at the specific flashback of Angela shown in Netzach’s story bits and contrast it to his arc of learning to want to live, and. Yeah.

[hoekaashi]

3 am Talks - hq pt 4

a/n: first and foremost, please don’t attack me for the twins’ accent. i know i didn’t even try but i also don’t have the brain capacity to do it rn. second, i know i did karasuno but i was requested to do asahi after posting it and i wasn’t gonna make a separate post for just him so i slapped his ass onto this one (: pairings: kita x reader, atsumu x reader, osamu x reader, suna x reader, sakusa x reader, asahi x reader warnings: language, some spoilers for post time skip taglist: @babydabi​, @suckersuki​, @bakugoustanaccount​, @animoozies​ part 3

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ omg this boy is gonna talk about how proud he his of his teammates ⇾ like full on proud dad moment (i imagine him like that one panel from the last chapter, just so proud) ⇾ he’s such a soft man, he would talk about how he wants to start a family with you ⇾ what do you mean the sheep aren’t our kids??? ⇾ so would wear a soft smile listening to you ramble on about something ⇾ he would love to hear whatever was going on inside your mind, would never tell you to stop talking or cut you off. Ever.

You climbed into bed after waking up to pee in the middle of the night. Kita had been up for a while and you were unsure as to why he was still up. Before you fell asleep, the two of you had been watching his old teammates play a match on tv and he had been praising them the entire time. “What are you doing up still?” “I was texting in the group chat after you fell asleep and I just can’t sleep now.” You sat cross legged next to him. “What’s on your mind now?” “How I want to start a family with you in the future.” That came out of the blue. Neither of you really talked about that far in the future. “The twins started arguing again and Aran started yelling at me to get them to stop. I asked him why he was telling me to stop them and everyone replied that it was because I’m the only one they still listen to. And then everyone started talking about how I was like the team dad even after all this time and I started thinking about how I would be if I was a father and if I would still act the same. I looked down at you sleeping and the thought just came to me.” You were speechless. “I mean, not that I have any problems with having kids with you, but I wouldn’t classify the twins as test subjects on your parental qualifications. I don’t think they compare to toddlers because the twins actually listen.” “Well, that’s why we have chicken. And sheep.” Kita gave you a warm smile. “Honey, I love you, but please don’t tell me that you just compared animals to human children. Possibly ours.” “It’s okay. It’s good practice.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ for as much as i shit on him, i do love atsumu (osamu is the superior twin, sorry lei) ⇾ but this poor baby would always be in such a negative head space after losing a match ⇾ literally thinks his entire team hates him, his coach wants to replace him, his brother and ex teammates would look down on him, wondering what was so great about him ⇾ he would just need to get his feelings out without judgement - just hold him while he word vomits but sometimes he does need to hear some motivation to get him out of his funk ⇾ this kind of feeds into the other things he would talk about if he didn’t have a match ⇾ just a lot of talk about his insecurities and how he feels inferior to other people his cocky persona is fake ⇾ just wrap him in a blanket and feed him comfort food as he lets out everything weighing down on his heart

“If I didn’t fuck up five serves, we coulda won.” Atsumu was laying on his stomach with his head on your lap as you ran your fingers through his hair. “You weren’t the only person who messed up today. You can’t blame yourself for losing the game when everyone made a mistake at some point.” “But mine were so easy to prevent.” He wrapped his arms around your waist tighter. “I know when I go into practice next week, coach is gonna bench me. I’m not even mad, I deserve it.” “Tsumu, don’t say that.” “It’s true. Samu even called me out on it after. And I know the entire team wants me out.” At this point, you didn’t know what else to say because no matter what, Atsumu was going to believe that he was the worst player on the team. “I’m just holding everyone back.” Your hand stilled in his hair. “Tsumu, the only other setter who’s managed to pull off that crazy quick with Hinata is Kageyama. Plus you got Bokuto on your team too! Both of those players are so high energy and hard to manage, yet you make it look so easy. So you had an off day, everyone does. Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days -” He got up and glared at you before you had a chance to finish what you were saying. “Hannah Montana is not the right person to bring into this motivational speech.” “But you sing Hoedown Throwdown and True Friend on a weekly basis.” “And you better take that sentence with you to the grave.” You grinned at him. “But imagine how much money I could get for selling those twelve little words to the press.” Yes. He tackled you and made you swear on your life that you wouldn’t tell a soul.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ it depends on his mood: either he’s doing all the talking or he’s strictly listening, there’s no in between ⇾ when he’s talking, it could be about a n y t h i n g ⇾ from atsumu to food to you to work to a new show he’s watching to kita to meeting up with friends ⇾ literally anything ⇾ he doesn’t necessarily need to know you for a long time, but he does need to feel close to you if he ever talks about how he feels about you ⇾ he’s not the type to be soft of the regular, so when he is being soft, he’ll be even quieter, maybe even hide his face in your neck or your stomach depending on the position the two of you are cuddling in ⇾ when you’re the one doing the talking, his hands are always busy doing something - most of the time playing with your hair, but it could also be playing with your hands, massaging your hips, etc

“- so Kita blocked our numbers.” “I mean, you did cuss out Atsumu while his phone was on speaker and he was with his grandmother.” “How was I supposed to know that?” he asked quietly into your neck. You laughed. “Let him talk next time. You and your brother you are adults now, so stop arguing like children.” “I can’t help it, he pisses me off sometimes.” You hummed. “Give Kita a fruit basket or take him out to lunch and apologize.” He rubbed his thumb over your knuckles before pulling you closer into his chest. “Yeah I’ll do that.” “Ooo! What if you have him test out that new recipe you were telling -” “No. I always have you test new dishes and that won’t change,” he mumbled. “Samu?” He nuzzled his face further, his breath warm on your neck. His hand moved to your hip and alternated from massaging you to rubbing his hand up and down. “You’ve gotten me this far and everything worked fine. I don’t wanna change anything.” You reached back and lightly scratched the nape of his neck. You turned over and found his face closer to yours that you expected. His arm went back to resting on your hips with his hand on your butt, pulling you closer. He gave you a light kiss on the tip of your nose. “Are you saying I’m your good luck charm?” you asked teasingly. “Nothing’s gone wrong since you’ve come into my life. I’m gonna fucking marry you one day.” You smiled. “Yeah, you also said that when you got your wisdom teeth removed. I’m still waiting on the ring.” He pulled you into a hug, your head in his chest, his lips placing another kiss on your forehead. “Don’t rush me or your not getting anything.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he wouldn’t talk at 3 am ⇾ would literally tell you to shut up and go to sleep ⇾ and if you didn’t stop talking, he would get up and either go to someone else’s place or tell you to leave ⇾ this man does not care about what you’re thinking or what you have to say when he’s trying to sleep ⇾ so don’t expect him to be all soft and listen to you - better yet, talk

“So I was thinking -” Suna grumbled. “Yeah? You better stop thinking.” “But I’ll forget in the morning.” “Then it wasn’t necessary to talk about.” “I’m gonna say it.” “You’re gonna shut the fuck up if you wanna sleep here tonight.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ a listener ⇾ would literally tell you to shut up and go to bed jk, not really ⇾ if he’s up at 3 am with you, he’s listening to music ⇾ for sure he won’t be talking and doesn’t really want to have to pay attention to whatever you’re saying ⇾ not in a rude way but like, it’s late and he doesn’t feel like using brain cells at the time ⇾ if you are talking and he loves you, he won’t tell you to shut up or stop, but don’t expect a reply from him ⇾ depending on his mood, he’ll choose to listen or not, and when he’s listening, he’ll make sure you know that he is

“Did you make this lofi playlist?” You were scrolling through your shared Spotify account on your phone, trying to find something to listen to since neither of you could sleep. “Yes.” You played it, both of you enjoying the soothing music that filled the quiet of the room. “Do you have a fanclub?” Sakusa hummed. “Is that a yes or a no?” It took him a minute, but he replied. “Not sure. Why?” “I don’t know how I feel about a group of girls drooling over you.” Were you proud? Jealous? Indifferent? You couldn’t figure it out. But the fact that he asked made you happy that he cared enough to bother listening to you. “Why should you care?” You looked over at him. “Well, what if they’re the crazy type of fans who try to break in here. Or don’t like that we’re dating and try to kill me?” He laid there in silence with his eyes closed as you spoke about all the extreme types of fans that you had heard about. Once you finished, he remained quiet. You felt bad, thinking that you bored him to sleep. “Love, I think you’ve been listening to too many true crime podcasts.” “But still, those types of people exist.” Sakusa shifted with his eyes closed, pulling you so you were resting on his chest. “Stop thinking about that. It’s stupid. Now go to sleep.” “But -” “Go to sleep.” “I can’t.” He shushed you. “Sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ jesus would talk about his insecurities ⇾ would catch you up with his friends aka the other third years ⇾ but also i feel like his anxiety traveled with him into adulthood so like, lots of stress talks about releasing new designs on time and not wanting to let people down/be a failure ⇾ he would talk about his travels too, the different things he enjoyed from each country he visited with noya ⇾ would make plans to go somewhere with you when both of you had the time to drop off the face of the earth for a little bit

“So where else did you want to visit?” you asked. “Maybe Switzerland?” You nodded. “That’s a good choice. Want to do anything specific?” “Not really. When I was with Noya, we kind of just winged everything. It was more exciting and memorable that way.” “I do remember you being more free.” Whenever he called you or sent you pictures and videos, he seemed more happy. “Really?” “Uh huh.” “I do remember feeling less stressed. I have a deadline coming up soon and the pressure is intense.” “Does it feel like volleyball stress?” He gave you a little shrug. “A bit? I have a team - a different type of team - and I don’t want to let them down, but in this case, I’m the captain without anyone to rely on. Everyone else needs me to have everything together, so I don’t have the time to freak out or be stressed.” “Yet, you’re still a ball of anxiety.” “Am I?” He grimaced. You nodded. “I’m trying to get better. It’s really hard when there’s a voice in the back of your mind telling you that if you mess up, everyone will be let down and disappointed in you. On top of that, the media and public are so harsh with everything. There’s just a lot of pressure.” “But you’ve done so well. Sure things were a little shaky when you first started, but you’re well known now and well loved.” “You have a point. I’ll do better for you.” You smiled. “I’m already proud of you, don’t worry about that.”