#okay sorry egc

[stillbreathing-aer]

IM HEARING TEN DUEL COMMANDMENTS IN MY HEAD RN

[pratleskitties]

My Poccie is dying dead

Edit: 9.10, Feb 16, 2023

She is gone.

I'm broken. I've been broken since last week. Poccie is dying. Probably is/will be gone by morning.

She has been sick for a while, won't eat on her own since Jan 26, when I asked the vet to get a bloodcheck for her. She was dehydrated, and the vet put her on saline IV. By Feb 1, it was clear that she was not getting better, and I asked the vet to get her admitted.

She was getting better when she was admitted, and I went so far as to get her a FIP test. It was negative, and the vet stated that it is likely Calici - most of her mouth and gums were inflamed. But she was eating and doing fine, getting better by the day.

She came home by Feb 9, I still keep her in a kennel just to keep watch. She peed/pooped and ate fine for exactly two days, and then started to refuse food. She also threw up twice, and thus I asked the vet for meds. After being given meds, she wasn't throwing up again and was able to keep a little food down.

By Sunday, the vet came and gave her Cerenia shot. She was still not eating much and being force-fed. The vet also put her on IV, and couldn't get a blood sample. We were planning on a more extensive blood check to figure out what's wrong, and were worried for her kidneys.

That night, the EGC polyp in her mouth erupted and she was literally spitting blood.

Little did I know that this would be the start of the drama.

She refused to eat - understandably. She was getting visibly weaker, couldn't get into the litterbox to pee and peed on the pad. Still no poop -- it has been yet another four days - since Feb 10 - that she did not poop. Vet and I presumed that she didn't poop because all of the nutrition that got into her were fully absorbed.

She weighted 2.8.

Yesterday she was bleeding from her gums again, and this morning (15/2) I asked the vet to pick her up again to be admitted. Her IV got tugged loose and I didn't have enough courage to put it back on myself.

Somehow, some time during the night and/or morning, she might have had a stroke. The vet checked her and cleaned her up, put her IV back on.

I am not optimistic. The vet said she still has some spirit in her. But she was somewhat paralyzed, her legs and arms were stiff, her tail was still moving, she could not hold up her head. At some point, her pupils started to differ in size, signs that she was in a coma. She'd somehow recovered like, after an hour of being in my lap.

I am torn.

I am not ready to let her go. She is half of my soul. My angel baby. Beloved princess.

But it hurts me to see her in so much pain.

Her eyes were somewhat empty, but she was still trying to look for mom when I put her on my lap and she heard mom's voice.

I stg was ugly crying at the vet with Poccie in my lap.

I am still crying.

I feel like I've failed to watch and care for Poccie.

I promised her, before I went home, that if she decides to stick around and fight, I'll be back tomorrow (as in later today) after I get back from the dentist. I unfortunately *have* to go to the dentist, I broke a tooth and it's getting annoying.

I told Poccie that if she's tired and doesn't want to fight anymore, I will be okay with it.

No I'm not. I won't be okay. But she only needs to know that it will be okay - I will be okay, *someday *- if she cannot fight anymore.

My guts said that she'll check out this morning. I've arranged with the Vet to have her returned home, whatever happens, rather than to have her buried at the Vet's.

I can only hope for a miracle, and I never put much stock in hopes or miracles I can't work to get.

I am so, SO sorry, Poccie. I wish I was better in caring for you. I wish this will not be the last photo of you and me together.