#okay so this one's more than a hundred words but I got carried away and then couldn't figure out how to hack it down

[nereidprinc3ss]

be my angel

in which BAU fem!reader was injured on the job, but is refusing painkillers at the hospital. spencer thinks he knows why.

fluff (+a little angst) warnings/tags: established relationship, hospital stuff, reader got beat up by an unsub, discussions of spencer's past addiction, mentions of period cramps, reader ends up being administered some sort of painkiller a/n: another draft i found in my literal hundreds of pages of abandoned wips and fixed up cause it's cute, I hope you like!!!

Spencer is tearing through the hospital. They all keep saying you’re going to be okay, but what does that even mean? Why is nobody telling him anything? He’s not even sure he heard what the orderly at the front desk said, but his feet are carrying him with a strident purpose through the winding white halls, so he has to assume he at least subconsciously knows where he’s going. 

Finally he spots Penelope, a beacon in her candy-colored clothing, speaking to a doctor in hushed tones. Penelope sees him approaching and turns away from the doctor, looking harried and exhausted. 

“Is she okay? What happened?” Spencer demands, before either of the others can say a word. 

“She’s okay,” the doctor assures. “She was beat up pretty bad—concussion, broken ribs, some bruising that looks worse than it is. There was a clean shot through her arm, but—” 

His blood runs cold. Nobody told him you were shot. Why had nobody told him you were shot? 

“I need to see her.” 

The doctor frowns, glancing between the two agents. 

“I’m sorry, are you her spouse?” 

“Yes. No, not yet, I just—I need to see her, please. Now.” 

“Sir, unless she—” 

“Just let him see her!” Penelope practically yells. “She wants him here, believe me.”  

The doctor clenches her jaw and scribbles something on her clipboard. 

“Okay. Maybe you can try to convince her to accept some painkillers.” 

Spencer’s frown deepens. 

“She’s refusing pain management?” 

“We gave her as much ibuprofen as we could, but she refused anything stronger than that. She has to be in a lot of pain right now, and there’s no background of addiction.” 

“I’ll talk to her,” Spencer says, already twisting the silver door handle. He has a sneaking suspicion as to why you denied pain treatment, and it makes him feel incredibly guilty. More than he already did, after this entire debacle. 

The sight of you, bloodied and bruised and obviously suffering has his heart splintering right down the middle. Whatever meager semblance of a smile he can scrounge up and offer is reflected back to him on you—which only makes him feel worse. As always, you’re putting on a brave face. 

“Hey,” Spencer says quietly as he closes the door behind him. 

“Hi,” you croak. “How do I look?” 

He approaches, sitting on the edge of the bed and pushing your hair away from your face. 

“How do you feel? The doctor told me you wouldn’t accept pain medication,” he murmurs. 

You sniff. 

“I feel okay. Did she tell you it’s not as bad as it looks?” 

But your voice is so small, so wavery and weak, that he knows you’re lying. 

“Sweetheart...” 

You’ve been holding it together since the unsub beat you nearly unconscious. You held it together as he ran away, even got a couple shots in before he turned around and returned fire. You held it together while you sat against the dirty truck, bleeding out, not sure if your team was coming, and you held it together in the ambulance, and for the past thirty minutes in this hospital bed. But all it takes is one gentle word from Spencer, with that concerned, solicitous look in his eye, and the floodgates are opening. Tears spring up in your eyes and begin silently falling down your dirtied cheeks. 

“It’s okay!” you attempt to reassure him, affecting cheeriness even through the tears. “It doesn’t hurt. I’m fine!” 

He says your name soft and low and he tries his best to keep his tone even though he is liable to burst into tears or start yelling at someone (not you) at any minute.  

“I know that’s not true. You have broken ribs and a gunshot wound. I know how badly it hurts to breathe and how it feels every time you move your arm. That is too much damage for over-the-counter anti-inflammatories. You need real analgesics.” 

“I don’t,” you whisper. Your teary eyes make his whole body ache. He squeezes your hand—the one that’s not connected to the wounded arm. 

“Because of me?” You stare at him blankly, as if you’re shocked he was able to put two and two together. “I promise you don’t need to worry about that.” 

You sniffle. 

“But what if—what if they give me the drugs and I get all weird and it’s, it’s like... triggering for you, or something?” 

“It’s been a really long time since I’ve worried about that. I’d rather see you a little tired and out of it than in extreme pain and trying to pretend you’re not. You getting the pain relief you need in a medical emergency is not going to make me relapse.” 

“But I really think I could go without,” you begin, voice already tightening around a cry. “I’ve—I’ve had period cramps that were worse than this.” 

Despite himself, he chuckles. Goes back to stroking your hair. 

The laughter fades quickly. All the pain you’re in is so evident in your eyes. The dissociative glassiness, the tension around them, the bloodshot quality—he's seen it many times before, and he hates it on you. 

“Will you please tell them you’re ready to take something? They won’t give you Dilaudid. It’s too strong. They’ll give you something that I’d have no interest in anyway.” 

“Not funny,” you whisper. 

He ignores this. 

“Will you let me call the doctor back in?” 

You take a deep, shuddering breath—or at least, you try to, before you’re loosing a sharp squeak that deteriorates into a little sob. The ribs. 

Spencer doesn’t bother asking again, just gets up and begins to walk away as efficiently as his legs will carry him. You need painkillers and he thinks it might be fastest to just fetch the doctor or a nurse from the hallway. 

“Wait,” you plead.  

He stops. Reminds himself that you need him right now—not his medical opinions. Spencer turns back around and approaches again, crouching by your bedside this time. 

“What, honey?” 

“I don’t...” 

You trail off, overcome by something like fear in the width and shine and nervous dart of your eyes. Spencer knows, everybody at the BAU knows, that showing fear to a serial killer will get you killed that much quicker. During your time alone with the unsub, which is a can of worms Spencer literally cannot psychologically open right now, you had to put on your bravest face. Even while you were being beaten within an inch of your life. Even when you thought you were going to die, alone, and that your team—that Spencer—wasn't coming back for you. Because that’s the kind of thing you have to do to cope when you’re at rock bottom. But you were terrified. Petrified. That doesn’t just go away—and Spencer knows it’ll be bumping against the surface until it finds a way out.  

He has to remember that just because you look unafraid and you act unafraid doesn’t mean you aren’t. 

“You were so brave,” he manages after he’s sure he can say it without incident, swiping moisture from your cheek. “You did everything exactly right.” 

“I know,” you whisper, chin trembling. Spencer knows you, and he knows this kind of trauma well enough to know that you’re thinking, I did everything exactly right, and it wasn’t enough. I did everything exactly right and this is what I have to show for it. 

“But nobody needs you to act like it wasn’t hard, okay? You don’t need to pretend like it doesn’t hurt. You were so, so brave, angel. You don’t have to be brave anymore.” 

Your eyes squeeze shut, sending a new wash of tears over your tacky cheeks. A few moments pass. You say nothing. He hopes you’re not going to hide away inside yourself like he did. 

“Will you please, please, let me get the doctor?” 

At least this time you don’t immediately say no. 

“Will you come right back?” 

“Of course.” 

Finally, you nod your hesitant assent, and Spencer presses a careful kiss to your forehead. 

A few minutes later, the doctor—who was shocked that Spencer was able to so quickly change your very made-up mind—is back, and so is Spencer. It only takes a moment for them to determine the best course of action for you and soon the fist around his heart is loosening its grip as he watches some of the agony melting from your eyes. 

“Better?” he murmurs as the nurse who’d administered the drugs leaves, fanning his thumb over the underside of your wrist. You nod, already appearing sleepy. 

“Can you lie down with me?” 

He smiles at the way your words slip against each other, simply relieved that you’re able to relax and no longer in extreme pain. 

“Hospital beds aren’t rated for two people.” 

“Spencer.” 

It’s enough for him to climb onto the bed—not that he was ever going to deny you what you wanted to begin with. The fit isn’t exactly perfect—he's a bit too long and combined the two of you are just slightly too wide—but with some finagling it’s comfortable enough. Spencer has slipped his arm underneath you and your head is on his shoulder and he’s so glad to have you in his arms and so grateful that you’re okay he does something almost like praying in his head as he kisses your hair. 

“Hey. Ask me about my bruises.” 

“Why? Do they still hurt?” 

“You should see the other guy.” 

It’s dumb and it doesn’t make sense because you didn’t bother waiting for him to actually set the joke up—but he smiles dryly nonetheless. 

“Can you please give me... I don’t know, 36 hours before you start making jokes about almost dying?” 

“Clock starts now.” 

“Thank you.” He feels your lips curve into a half-conscious smile against his neck. It’s a wonderful feeling. “How are your ribs? Breathing feels okay?” 

“Mhm. Love breathing.” 

“Mhm. And your arm?” 

“Like I got shot.” 

“Well, that’s pretty much unavoidable. But not as bad as before, right?” 

“Right. Spencer?” 

“What, my love?” 

A little pleased puff of air warms his shoulder. He carefully rubs your hip. 

“Will you tell me how brave I was again?” 

He takes a silent, very deep breath.  

“You were incredibly brave. And smart, too. I’m really proud of you for how you handled that situation. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but I don’t think anyone could have handled it better. Especially when you chose to stay put by the truck, instead of chase him. I know that wasn’t what you wanted to do, but it was the right choice.” 

“I thought you guys maybe weren’t coming,” you murmur, no hint of sadness in your smushed, flat voice—like you’re barely awake. “I waited half an hour and I thought you weren’t gonna find me.” 

“Angel, I will always find you. We didn’t stop looking even once, as soon as we noticed you were gone. I’m just sorry I wasn’t with Emily and Rossi when they got to you.” 

“’Nelope told me... she told me you got really angry and scary.” 

He stares at the ceiling and considers this. 

“I could see... how what I was feeling would be interpreted that way. I was pretty angry. But not at Penelope or any of them. I was mostly just scared.” 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” you whisper. “And I’m sorry if I made you mad.” 

“You did not. I wasn’t mad at you. And it’s not your fault that I got scared. You were just trying to do your job. None of this is your fault.” 

“She also said that you said fuck like... three times.” 

“Mm... doesn’t sound like me,” he evades. You giggle, and the sound is more a relief than any drug he could take.

“No, seriously, I’m so mad I missed it. I love hearing you swear. Tell me what you said—and you have to cause I’m all messed up so I get whatever I want.” 

He sighs in mock annoyance. 

“Well, she’s wrong. I only said fuck once. I used fucking as an intensifier twice.” 

You hum. 

“Sexy.” 

“Alright,” Spencer laughs, flushing as he moves his hand to your shoulder. “Go to sleep before I tell them to up your dosage, weirdo.” 

[fatuismooches]

a lesson in forgiveness.

The puppet’s plan to save you by deleting himself from the world did not work. You were dead and would remain dead for all of eternity. You were never to be given a second chance, yet he received one, now going by the name Wanderer.

Wanderer had begun to heal, very, very slowly from not only your death but his own past life with the help of the Dendro Archon, but there was not a day where Wanderer didn’t think of you. Sometimes for a little while, sometimes for a long time. Though Wanderer had always kept your gift close to him. The comb you had given him had endured throughout time, not without challenges though. You had given it to him as a good luck charm before he set off on that fateful day. Some of the teeth had been chipped or even broken off. Wanderer always treated it with the utmost care, but time is everything’s greatest enemy, even to immortals.

More recently, Wanderer had decided to create a small doll of you. It was necessary for him, it was a way to cope and come to terms with your death. He remembers centuries ago, you said you had always wanted to see the world. To leave the little village you called home and see Teyvat for yourself. It’s not the same, but perhaps this could be some sort of atonement for letting you die. You’ll be able to see the beautiful sights that he sees with him. Maybe that would make you happy, wherever you were. He would not tell anyone how much time he put into it, for it was an embarrassingly long time. Every stitch and every detail was planned carefully, even making multiple pairs of clothing for you. He didn’t often use them though, but perhaps it was a way to keep his mind off other things. 

Nowadays, Lesser Lord Kusanali had begun to assign him to some bothersome tasks, which he reluctantly carried out. Though, it was mostly a front. He didn’t mind as much as he grunted and scoffed about it. And, Wanderer knows without a doubt that you would adore Nahida. So, he really didn’t mind being the Archons’s shadow. Ah, and the Aranara too, you would absolutely fawn over them. If he was Kabukimono, he would too.

But right now he was taking a break at his usual local cafe. This had become a sort of routine for Wanderer. It was nothing out of the ordinary now. Plus, the coffee here was not bad. The puppet was enjoying his solitude, away from the noise of others when a voice broke his tranquility.

“Hello, is this seat taken?” Wanderer's eyebrow twitched at the disturbance. Couldn’t this person read the room? He thought it would be quite obvious that he preferred to be left alone. He cracked an eyebrow open to retort the person but the sight of them made every part of his body freeze up, and the words died in his throat. This couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t. If he were holding his cup of coffee, he would have dropped it.

For you were standing in front of him again. 

There were not many times Wanderer has been left speechless, for he always has some kind of response to everything, but not this time. What could he say, when confronted with the love of his life after over four hundred years of their death?

“Hello?” You tilted your head, beckoning for a reply. A nervous but genuine smile eased its way onto your lips. “Would you mind if I sat here with you?” Wanderer forced himself to regain his composure.

“…Do what you want.” That came out harsher than the puppet wanted it to, but his stern way of speaking had long been the norm for him. 

“Okay, thanks,” you smiled once again, tension in your shoulders leaving as you pulled out the chair. That smile of yours. That smile was all too familiar. Every part of his body was debating the possibility of this being you. Oh, how he longed for it to be you, but he couldn’t be sure that this was you. It must be just an uncanny resemblance to the you from centuries ago. Because you, [Name], were dead, and you were never coming back.

You began to search through your bag, looking for something. He got a peak of the contents, and there lay some Lavender Melon wrapped up to savor later for a snack. He gritted his teeth at the similarities before deciding to study you more. Your clothes had traditional aspects of Inazuma but also incorporated some styles from Sumeru. Perhaps you were on a trip? His question wasn’t left unanswered for long.

“You know, this is my first day in Sumeru. It’s so much bigger and livelier than I thought,” you hummed happily. “So I thought, the first thing I should do was try some of the local food! I heard it’s quite delicious,” you grinned again finding the Mora pouch in your bag. Then a look of realization appeared on your face. “Oh! How silly of me, rambling to a complete stranger. I’m [Name], by the way.” 

[Name].

[Name].

[Name].

[Name]. The name that had haunted and lingered with him for so long, had come back to the present day. Wanderer’s breath hitched as he could not help but feel a wave of emotions at the reality of the situation. You were back. You were alive again, happy and smiling, looking as if nothing had changed at all. Granted, there were still a few small differences from your past self, but it was wholly and authentically you. [Name]. There was no denying it, and he found himself boring his eyes into your figure. You were still so pretty, so attractive, your beauty not changing throughout time. The way you furrowed your eyebrows as you read through the menu, licking your lips in anticipation of digging into some yummy cuisine.

Wanderer wonders if you still like to cook, the same way the old you loved to. He wonders if you’ll recognize the techniques the old you taught him, how to cut and peel vegetables. Wanderer does it with ease now, no longer cutting his fingers clumsily as Kabukimono did. He wonders if you’d like his own cooking. Much of his knowledge of cooking came from you. He wants to see your face light up in excitement as you relish and praise him for how good he’s gotten without you. If he cooked you the same foods you ate together from those days, how would you react? If he showed you the comb, would you remember? If you remembered, would you forgive him for how he let you die all those years ago? Wanderer’s mind was overloaded with questions. 

He had gone through unspeakable things, but he was extremely strong now, at least stronger than Kabukimono. Wanderer thinks you’ll never be hurt ever again, not by any Treasure Hoarders, Fatui, Kairagi, Nobushi, Hilichurls, or whatever other monsters Teyvat has to offer. No, so long as he watched over you from afar, you would never be injured. But, he questions himself, does he truly deserve this opportunity? No, the better question was, do you deserve to have to deal with him, with him being the person he is now? You looked perfectly fine without him, oblivious to the way he had been suffering for so long after your death. Oblivious to the sins that coated his hands. At the very least, you didn’t meet him while he was Scaramouche. He probably would not have been a good lover to you back then. Your voice interrupted his thoughts. 

“This is my first time trying Sumeru’s coffee. Is it good?” His chest panged once again at how similar your words were spoken now as compared to a few hundred years ago. Wanderer remembers the exact moment, in the bath when you spoke about trying Sumeru’s coffee with him, as if it was yesterday…

“It’s alright,” Wanderer kept his tone neutral despite his thoughts.

“Oh really? Is it bitter or sweet?”

“Neither, it is a good balance. But… I always ask for mine to be extra bitter,” Wanderer admitted to you. Normally, he would never have even entertained a conversation with a stranger, but in a way, you were not a stranger to him.

“Extra bitter, huh? And that doesn’t bother you? Interesting,” you smiled, gaining interest in the conversation as you leaned in closer to him. “I don’t think I could ever handle that!” Wanderer knew that already. In Tatarasuna, you could never stomach the taste of such bitterness. Another look of realization crossed your face as you giggled to yourself.

“It just hit me, I introduced myself but I never asked you. What’s your name?” You smiled once again beautifully, Sumeru’s sun illuminating your features. Wanderer etched your expression forever into his mind before he spoke.

“Just call me… Hat Guy,” Wanderer did not know why he chose to say that name out of all, and he had to stop himself from cringing at himself.

“H-Hat Guy…?” You repeated. You were dead silent for a few seconds before you erupted in laughter, which sounded oh-so-familiar to him, and made his ‘heart’ sing. Your hand flew to your mouth in an attempt to muffle your giggles. “Ah- ahahaha! I didn’t take you for a guy who likes to joke!”

Wanderer didn’t know how things would go from here, but as the wind carried your laugh away, he felt truly at peace after a very, very long time.

lesson 1. lesson 2. lesson 3. lesson 4. lesson 5. lesson 6. lesson 7. lesson 8. lesson 9. lesson 10. bonus lesson.

[drdoofenfaithcreatingchaos]

Breast reduction surgery||Charles leclerc x fem!reader

Summary— Charles loves your breast so when you decide to tell him that you’re thinking about a reduction surgery he feels like his world is ending.

Word count —589

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon in Charles’ apartment, the kind of day that begged for nothing more than lounging on the couch and ignoring the world. He was half-watching a football match, the sound of commentators filling the space as he absentmindedly scrolled on his phone. Beside him, Y/N was curled up, legs tucked beneath her, scrolling through her phone with a focused look on her face.

Out of nowhere, she sighed, set her phone down, and said casually, “I think I’m finally going to do it.”

Charles looked up, brow furrowing. “Do what?”

She didn’t even glance at him. “Get a breast reduction.”

It took him a moment to process the words. He blinked, sat up straighter, and turned to her with wide eyes. “Hold on. What now?”

Y/N finally looked at him, her expression calm but resolute. “I’ve been thinking about it for years, and I think it’s time. My back can’t take it anymore.”

Charles stared at her like she’d just suggested selling their firstborn child. “Your back? When did this become about your back?”

“Always,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Charles, you know this. I’ve been complaining for ages.”

He leaned back, waving a hand dismissively. “You’ve complained, sure, but I just thought it was, like, normal life complaining. Not surgery-level complaining!”

“Charles,” she said firmly, her tone laced with both patience and warning.

He sat up, his full attention now on her. “You’re seriously thinking about just… getting rid of them? Like, just like that?”

“Yes.”

“But…” He gestured dramatically at her chest. “You can’t just get rid of them! They’re—” He paused, grasping for the right word. “They’re iconic!”

Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose, already regretting bringing this up while he was awake. “Charles. I’m in pain all the time. My shoulders have permanent dents from my bra straps, I can’t go running without strapping myself in like a gladiator, and every button-up shirt I own gapes open like it’s crying for help.”

“Okay,” he said, raising a hand to stop her. “But—”

“And bras?” she interrupted. “Do you know how much I spend on bras? A hundred bucks each, minimum. And they’re not even cute. They’re functional. Like, ‘industrial scaffolding’ functional.”

Charles blinked at her, his lips parting like he wanted to argue but couldn’t find the words. Finally, he said weakly, “But… you look great in them.”

“Oh my god.” She threw her hands up, exasperated. “This is not about how I look, Charles. It’s about how I feel. And I feel like I’m carrying around a couple of bowling balls every day of my life.”

He frowned, leaning forward as if he could reason his way out of this. “But what about us?”

“What about us?”

“Our dynamic! The… the whole…” He gestured at her chest again, like it was a key player in their relationship. “You know, vibe.”

“Charles,” she said flatly. “They’re boobs.”

“Not just boobs,” he argued. “They’re your boobs. They’re a part of you. A part of us!”

She stared at him, deadpan. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m serious!” He stood up, pacing in front of the couch now. “Do you know how many people would kill for what you’ve got? And you’re just gonna… throw them away like an old sweater?”

“Okay, first of all, ew. And second of all, you’re being dramatic.”

He stopped pacing to point at her. “I’m not being dramatic. I’m being honest. You’re about to break the hearts of an entire fanbase—”

“Your fanbase,” she corrected, raising an eyebrow.

“Exactly!”

Y/N let out a disbelieving laugh. “Charles, I’ve made up my mind. This isn’t about you, or your ‘fanbase,’ or even how I look. It’s about me being able to live my life without constant pain and discomfort.”

He deflated a little at that, sinking back onto the couch. “But what if you regret it?”

“I won’t.”

“But what if you do?” he pressed. “What if one day you wake up and think, ‘Wow, my life was so much better when Charles was worshiping the temple of—’”

She picked up a throw pillow and smacked him in the face with it. He caught it with a grin, but his eyes were still slightly pleading.

“Charles,” she said, softer now. “I appreciate that you love me exactly as I am. But this isn’t about you.”

He sighed dramatically, flopping backward on the couch. “Fine. But just so you know, I’m going to miss them. Like… a lot.”

“Noted,” she said dryly.

“Maybe I’ll throw a farewell party,” he added. “You know, invite some friends over. We’ll say our goodbyes properly.”

Y/N laughed despite herself, shaking her head. “You’re impossible.”

“And you love me,” he said smugly, pulling her back onto the couch and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Unfortunately.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Y/N got up to grab a glass of water. Charles pulled out his phone and began typing into the search bar: “Can boobs grow back after surgery?”

She glanced back at him from the kitchen, catching the guilty look on his face.

“Charles!”

“What? I’m just… curious!”

“Unbelievable,” she muttered, but there was a smile tugging at her lips, drinking the water and setting the glass down on the counter as she walked back over to Charles.

“Hey!” Charles says as y/n snatches the phone out of Charles's hands her own hands cupped his face “It’ll be okay Charles. It’s not the end of the world baby, you know that right?” You ask.

“Of course I know that but I just love them so much,” Charles says, reaching up to cup her breast feeling the weight of them.

“Can I fuck them?” Charles asked out of nowhere.

“Charles!”

“What can’t blame me for asking” he says smiling holding his hands up defensively.

“You know what I don’t see why not”

[russellsppttemplates]

I want this every day (Charles Leclerc)

Charles has been frustrated with the team's strategies and the results he's been getting lately so you find a way to cheer him up

Note: english is not my first language. I was going to write it earlier on the week, but then I felt like I a jinxing it so I stopped... but after today, I think it's a good place to start...

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions Jules Bianchi

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

Another race weekend where he was out qualified by his team-mate left Charles with the feeling that if it came to it, he was almost one hundred percent sure they would ask them to swap positions.

Points for the team would be important anyway and they came away with a good amount and the car showed to be competitive enough considering the RedBull dominance on the grid, but the frustration was still there.

With the team and with himself.

They told him they'd keep him - there wasn't a quesion put down about his contract -, Il Predestinato wasn't something he carried lightly but often times it was confusing. Without the support and appreciation from inside the team, it was proving difficult to achieve their goals.

His childhood dream was driving for Ferrari and Suzuka always carried a heavier weight for him. As he took off his helmet and was faced with the number 17 on the side, he apoligised. To Jules, who he wanted to make proud every day but even more on this particular track. To his fans, who deserved better than this. To you, who were there for him, arms open for a hug and a shoulder where he could cry and let his feelings out on, to hold him and remind him every single time that all of the nonsense commentators and the media still had the audacity to say about him despite his continous shows of intelligence, skill and talent, and to love him.

The way you loved him was something he had never felt before and had never thought he deserved.

The face you were giving everyone in the garage that dared look at you wasn't unfortunately a rare occurrence, hence the fact that so very few team members approached you, "Charles is just finishing his interviews, he should be here soon", Silvia said before excusing herself from the garage.

You walked to your boyfriend's driver room, knowing he would end up in there soon enough after greeting the mechanics and engineers.

He stepped inside the room less than fifteen minutes later, finding your embrace immediately as his arms wrapped around your waist, "it's not fair that this keeps happening", he mumbled.

"I know it isn't", you kissed his stubbly cheek while rubbing his back soothingly.

"I thought I could've done so much better, for the fans, for you, for Jules", he hiccuped, letting himself be vulnerable after bottling up everything he was feeling.

"You did us proud, Charles - he is always so proud of you", you cupped hisface in your hands as you hoped the words got through to him, "okay?".

The flight back home had Charles sleeping most of the time, the whole rush of the weekend catching up with his body as he slept with his head on your thighs, your fingers playing with his locks while you arranged your schedule for the week ahead.

"I was thinking we could spend some time together today", you said over the phone, hoping he hadn't booked anything since you made sure that Andrea and Joris had cleared his schedule so you could make this happen without a hitch.

"You don't have work?", Charles asked, "no, I arranged a few things and a meeting got cancelled", you explained.

"Good, I don't have anything to do either, I was just going to stay home, but being with you sounds much nicer, my place or your place?", he wondered.

"My place, please", you replied immediately, "I just want to change my clothes and I'm feeling like spending the afternoon in", you tried, hoping he would catch on and not mess up your surprise.

"Okay, amour! Do you need me to pick you up from work?", Charles asked and you heard a small smile on his face. You weren't sure why, but Charles really got a kick out of dropping you off and picking you up from work, so you felt bad for the answer you were giving him, "it's okay, you can meet me there, I'm already walking", you said as you drove out of the shop and headed home. It was an inoffensive lie but you kept telling yourself it was for a greater good.

"Okay, I'll meet you there in twenty minutes or so", he said, "Je t'aime, mon amour".

Riccardo seemed to have parked the car at the front of your building, making you get the bag out of your car trunk and join him and his family, "hey guys! Thank you for coming to this", you smiled, touching Chiara's foot softly and getting a giggle out of the little girl.

"No worries, this is such a nice idea and we're happy to help!", Marta said, letting you walk up to the door so you could get to your apartment.

"For the first time in my life, I'm the first one somewhere, and then they showed up too!", Joris said as the rest of the group you invited stood up from the hallway floor.

"I'm sorry for making you wait, but I had to pick these up and then the call with Charles had to be done at the precise time so he wouldn't get here before I did!", you explained, unlocking the door and letting them in.

"So we're fine to wait, but Charles can't wait for you?", Joris teased, making kissing noises as you shook your head, "privileges of being my boyfriend - it is what it is!", you chuckled.

Delegating the small tasks you left for the last minute, Charles' text saying he had just parked the car was enough to capture you attention, "quick quick, go hide in the living room - careful with the board game boxes! He's coming up!", you ushered your friends to the living room before your boyfriend knocked on your door.

"Hello, my love", you said, kissing his lips and pulling him inside the supposedly quiet apartment.

"Hey, gorgeous girl - I missed you", he squeezed you tight once you closed the door, "I was getting in my he - what's that?", Charles asked as a noise came from the living room.

Chiara squealed loudly enough for him to hear, so in part your surprise was not such a surprise, "you're not alone?", he mused.

Lacing your hand in his, you pulled him to the living room as everyone jumped out of their places to greet him!

"Surprise - ish!", you waved your hands as if you were announcing some great show, "I gathered all your favourite people - Lorenzo is coming with Charlotte in a bit, he just picked her up from work and your mother also had a cliente so she'll arrive a little later. Arthur is in the bathroom?", you wondered as you saw him walk out and pat his brother's back, not missing the truly surprised look on his face as he pulled you closer to him, kissing your temple, "you're the best, amour, thank you", he whispered.

You had food laid out in the coffee table and drinks in the kitchen where everybody could serve themselves so you could have your dining table available for the board and card games you were playing along with some building blocks for Chiara who was immediately stolen from her parents once your boyfriend saw her.

"Do we want to make a castle? Or maybe a rollercoaster?", Charles mused with the little girl sitting on his lap, still keeping an eye on his Monopoly game to make sure no one was missing any of the payments on his properties, "Good job, chérie!", he congratulated her, kissing her chubby cheek.

"Do you want me to get you guys anything? I'm already going to the kitchen", you wondered, "can you fill this up for us, please?", Marta asked as she handed you the orange juice jug, "yes, of course!", you grabbed it.

"This was a great idea, Y/N", Lorenzo said whole he poured himself a drink as you stepped into the kitchen, "he's been in his head a lot recently", he began.

"It's not much, really, it was quite easy to put everything together and you being here was very kind", you brushed it off.

"Y/N, gathering his favourite people to do something he loves apart from racing may seem simple but it's what he needs right now - don't underestimate yourself or the ability you have to bring him back to a good mental space", he rubbed your shoulder before going back to open the door, "it's our mother", he excused himself.

You set the jug on the table and took Chiara from your boyfriend's arms, volunteering to change her nappy in your bedroom.

Charles hugged his mother tight, "Hello, mon petit", she cupped his face and kissed his cheek, "I'm not little anymore", Charles blushed, "you and your brothers will always be my little boys, I don't care how old or how tall you get", she smiled, greeting everyone else in the room.

His favourite people were all in the same place, Charles thought. Some were playing cards, some were just chatting and you just picked his friends' daughter to change her nappy like she was your own.

"Do you have room for one more? I'm usually pretty good at this!", Lorenzo said as he sat at the dining table, "you take my game - it's not too bad, just make sure Marta pays up what she owes me - two hotels in my blue cards", Charles raised his eyebrows, "I know you were counting on your daughter's cuteness to distract me, but I have excellent vision", he smirked.

Charles walked to your bedroom, seeing you close the diaper bag as Chiara kicked the air, layed on top of your comforter and giggling at the story you were telling her, "and then I had to tell the lady 'that won't do, because I have my boyfriend's family and our friends over for dinner and I can't have too little food! Even if I have left overs for weeks!' because that's what's right, right? She also had this very fluffy bread that was still warm from the oven so I asked her if she could add that because I knew you'd like it - bread is the best, isn't it, cutie?", you spoke.

You were it, he had known that for a long time.

You were the one he wanted to grow old with and go through every challenge life wanted to throw at you, because he knew you both could face them if you were there.

"And who is that spying on us, hm? It's Charles! Let's go and give Charles a big hug and many kisses!", you smiled, picking her up and approaching your boyfriend, cuddling into his chest as you kept the little girl on your arms, kissing his chest while Chiara palmed his face and giggled when Charles pretended to eat her fingers, "yummy fingers, nom, nom, nom".

"I need to get started on dinner - I'm doing that roast you really like", you offered, "I already prepped most of it, just need to cut up the veggies and then put in the oven, simple as that".

"C'mon, Chiara - I bet my mother is wondering where you are because she'll want a cuddle", Charles took her from your arms, "I'll be back for you", Charles slapped your butt playfully.

You were seasoning the food on the trays, making sure you weren't forgetting anything when your boyfriend walked up to join you, wrapping his arms around your waist, "thank you for this, I really needed it", he kissed under your ear, turning you around to face him and kissing your lips properly, "it's fine", you scoffed.

"No, I really needed it - it's easy to lose sight of these things and these moments", he began, "I was home and getting way too much into my own head and I wouldn't got to anyone unless they asked about it", he admitted, squeezing your body closer to his.

"I'm glad you liked it, it's truly nothing but I'm glad you're happy", you smiled, "I can't control what goes on your mind all the time but I'm going to make sure that whenever you're near me and say silly things about doubting yourself, I will always help you see the truth and work it out with you - no down talking about yourself when you're with me, understood?", you stated firmly almost like you were lecturing him.

"I know, amour", he giggled, kissing your forehead and then littering some more kisses on your face and making you break out in laughter loudly.

The dinner was great and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves as they ate the meal and spoke about whatever came to mind, summer plans already in discussion.

Charles was helping you put away the plates when he decided he would voice the thoughts running through his head. Usually at this time of the day he was already knee deep into strategies and failed attempts, but this time was different.

"I want this every day", Charles said with a big smile on his face.

"Well, not all of us have your schedule, it would be lovely, but maybe making it a weekly thing? Monthly maybe with your schedule?", you tried, not wanting to kick his idea straight to the trash.

"I don't mean that - I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I was wondering if you'd like to move in with me", Charles clarified, "there's no point to keep two places when realistically, we spend most times at eachother's place - you're down to what? Sleeping two nights here per week?", he noted as you smiled.

"You want to move in together?", you checked and he nodded, "yes, I do - honestly, I've thinking we keep my place since you're renting here and that way you'd be closer to work, too", he suggested.

"Sounds good to me", you smiled, kissing his lips, sealing the deal.

"I don't want to be far away from you when we don't have to be, and this way you can save on rent, too!", he added and before you truly lectured him, he caught you ahead, "I know you won't let me pay for things on my own and we will find some arrangement for that, I was just saying you won't have to keep paying your landlord", he smiled.

"I mean it when I say I want to split expenses, okay?", you argued, "unless you start going with expensive caviar or any of that crazy expensive stuff - my salary can't take that", you joked.

"When have you ever seen that in my fridge?", he threw his head back as he laughed.

"I'm only joking, handsome - I can't wait to move in with you", you hugged him, "I love you, Charles, can't wait to be your new roomie".

[perfectsunlight]

( 𝟯𝟵 ) ✏ goodnight

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: none

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲

minjeong had been to hundreds of important dinners. her father took her on his business trips often, allowing her to be well educated in table manners and etiquette.

but she knew this wasn’t just any important dinner, it was dinner with your sister.

she was more nervous for this than her upcoming finals.

however, dinner went better than minjeong had anticipated. after all, she had been practicing what to say and do in the car on her way over to your house anyway. but even besides her preparation, your sister made her feel right at home at the table.

but nothing prepared her for how beautiful you looked all dressed up. sure, you showed up to every tutoring session overdressed. however, she had never seen you dolled up to this extent. every time her gaze landed on you, her heartbeat stuttered and she found herself struggling to focus on the food in front of her.

“your top, it’s chanel, right?” jennie asked with a small smile as she tilted her head to the side, subtly raising her eyebrows at your tutor. minjeong knew without a shadow of a doubt that jennie had caught her staring at you. the blonde glanced down at her shirt before looking up and nodding. “yes, it is. i believe my mother got it for me a while ago.” the idol hummed in response before chuckling. “did y/n ever tell you what happened to the first chanel bag i got her?” immediately, your face turned red and you glared at your sister from across the table. “hey!” 

the president’s eyes sparkled with curiosity as she looked between you and jennie. “no, she hasn't. what happened?”

you groaned, burying your face in your hands. your sister was embarrassing you on purpose in front of the girl you were head over heels for. “jennie, please don’t.”

your older sister ignored your plea, her smile widening. “so, i bought her this beautiful one of one chanel bag for her birthday. she was so excited and loved it so much that she insisted on taking it everywhere. but one day we were out at some korean barbecue place in new york and she accidentally dropped it on top of the side dishes.”

minjeong’s eyes widened, and she covered her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter. “oh, that’s not good. what happened then?”

jennie laughed, shaking her head. “she was mortified and the bag was covered in sauce and kimchi juice. we had to get it professionally cleaned overseas, and that was a whole other ordeal. but she learned her lesson about taking expensive bags to restaurants.”

you peeked out from behind your hands, face still flushed. “i was just excited, okay? and i was trying to be careful.”

the blonde turned to look at you with amusement in her eyes. “is that why you make me carry your bag when we go out to eat?”

you laughed, feeling the initial embarrassment melt away. “maybe.” 

minjeong chuckled, shaking her head. “well, you’re lucky i don’t mind.”

your heart fluttered at her words, and you smiled back, unaware of your sister’s smile forming at the sight of you two.

the rest of the evening passed in a comfortable haze, the three of you watching a movie together. jennie eventually excused herself to get some rest, leaving you and minjeong alone. not before she told you two to “behave yourselves.”

the living room was dimly lit, the only light coming from the tv screen, casting a soft glow over minjeong’s features. and just like in the car, you couldn’t stop yourself from admiring how beautiful she was.

after a while, minjeong broke the silence, snapping you out of your gaze. 

“i’ve noticed how hard you’ve been working. i’m proud of you, y/n. i know you’re going to do great on your finals.”

your chest swelled with gratitude and affection. all your efforts had made a difference in your grades, but you knew that your finals would make or break you. to hear such words of affirmation from the girl who had helped you made you feel entirely more grateful.

“thank you. that means a lot coming from you.”

the blonde’s eyes wandered from the screen to meet yours. there was something different about the way she looked at you. it was a look of admiration, mixed with something deeper, something that made your heart race. 

“stay.” you whispered, the words coming out before you could stop them. minjeong’s eyes widened slightly, a visible blush creeping up her cheeks, even in the dark. “stay?” she repeated, her voice barely audible.

you nodded, gathering your courage. “yes, stay. here.with me. please.” the glow of the tv screen danced shadows across both of your faces. “i’ve already moved out of the apartment on campus because finals are this week and i don’t want you to leave.”

the president couldn’t say no to the honesty in your voice, or the way you looked at her. then again, she didn’t think she could say no to you ever. 

“okay.” she whispered with a small nod. “i’ll stay.”

“thank you,” you breathed, feeling a surge of warmth towards her.

minjeong returned your smile, though a hint of shyness colored her expression. you gestured towards the stairs. “come with me.” the invitation was soft yet inviting, and the blonde knew you were not asking out of lust.

nodding slightly, the blonde followed you to your room. the air was charged with a newfound tension, a mixture of anticipation and nervousness. once inside, she closed the door behind her, the soft click echoing in the silence.

minjeong glanced around the room, her eyes taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. your room was fairly large, and definitely had your touch. despite the darkness outside, the room felt cozy and inviting.

the walls were painted in a soft shade of white that reflected the gentle illumination, giving the room a soothing ambiance. large windows with open shutters allowed moonlight to filter in, casting ethereal shadows on the plush white carpet that covered the floor, creating a tranquil atmosphere.

against one wall, a queen-sized bed took center stage, dressed in luxurious white linens adorned with a subtle pink floral pattern. the pillows and duvet were arranged meticulously, and minjeong felt comfortable just looking at them. above the bed, a white canopy hung elegantly, swaying gently in the night breeze that filtered through the slightly open window.

on each side of the bed, a sleek white nightstand held a softly glowing lamp with a blush pink lampshade, casting a soft, warm light that illuminated the delicate features of the room. a small stack of books and a delicate vase of pale pink roses added a touch of elegance and serenity to the bedside decor.

across from the bed, a comfortable nook was decorated with an armchair upholstered in pale pink velvet, adorned with a fluffy throw blanket that spilled over the armrest. there was an acoustic guitar along with an electric keyboard. next to the instruments was a record player and white bookshelf that held several vinyl records inside of it.

she never would’ve taken you for a music enthusiast, but given who your sister was, it wasn’t too surprising.

near the window was where your desk stood, its surface adorned with a few personal items and a softly glowing pink himalayan salt lamp that emitted a soothing ambiance. above the desk, a gallery of framed art in shades of pink and white added a personal touch and a hint of sophistication to the tranquil space.

however, there was one photo that caught her eye – it was you and your sister. 

the blonde gently lifted the frame, studying the photograph with a soft smile. she admired the way your eyes crinkled at the corners, mirroring the joy reflected in your sister’s expression. you looked way younger, but it was clear from the photo how much your sister meant to you. it was still evident, even now.

it reminded her of how she once was with her brother.

as minjeong set the frame back down, her gaze drifted back to you, who stood nearby, watching her quietly with a soft smile playing on your lips. your hands were tucked behind your back, hiding something from her view.

“i have something for you,” you said gently, your voice carrying a hint of excitement as you brought your hands forward, revealing a pair of hello kitty pajama pants. “i accidentally ordered two, so we can wear these and match.”

amusement settled onto the blonde’s features as she took the spare pair from you with a small smile. “they’re definitely more your style, but i think they’re cute.” she said before she held them up for a better look, the soft fabric swaying slightly in her hands.

you grinned, feeling a rush of warmth at her acceptance. “you can rock them too, don’t worry. let’s change and get comfy.” you replied as you motioned towards the bathroom that was connected to your room. “the bathroom is there.”

minjeong nodded, and the two of you quickly changed into the matching pajamas. the president hated to admit it, but she did like the pants. as she settled back on the edge of your bed, she couldn’t help herself but stare at you while you brushed your hair at your vanity.

your hair fell over your shoulder in ways the blonde could swear were perfect. the way you, usually overdressed and complaining about the weather affecting your hair or your skin, could look so beautiful in hello kitty pajamas and slippers.

“i feel like i’m at a sleepover,” minjeong remarked with a chuckle, looking down at the adorable pattern on her pants. “well, it is our sleepover,” you replied, your eyes sparkling with excitement. “now,” you rose from your chair and grabbed her hand to pull you towards the bathroom. “it’s skin care time.”

minjeong followed you, a smile tugging at her lips. “skincare time, huh? when is bedtime?”

you grinned and gave her a playful eye roll as you replied to her over your shoulder. “soon. it’s barely 11.”

“you do know i’m usually asleep by 10, right?” the blonde replied, but you ignored her comment and gently pinched her hand. “consider this your night of indulgence,” you teased, leading her into the bathroom. 

minjeong chuckled, shaking her head slightly but clearly enjoying herself. “alright, alright. i trust you won’t give me chemical burns or something.”

in the bathroom, you laid out a variety of products, explaining each one to minjeong with enthusiasm. she listened attentively, clearly intrigued by your routine.

at least, she was trying to pay attention, but it was hard to do so when you were so close to her face.

minjeong’s eyes flickered to your lips for a brief moment before meeting your gaze again. there was a playful, yet tender look in her eyes that made your heart race. “okay, i’m ready,” she said softly.

you gently applied the cleanser to her face, your fingers grazing her skin with a light touch. “see, it’s not so bad,” you said with a smile.

the other girl closed her eyes, clearly enjoying the sensation. “you’re right, it feels nice. feels expensive.”

“jennie got it for me, so i'd definitely bet on it being more than expensive.” you chuckled while the blonde took another subtle glance at your lips.

as you moved on to the next step, you found yourself leaning in even closer, your focus entirely on her. the room was filled with the soft scent of the products and the quiet sounds of your movements. when you applied the toner, you felt her shiver slightly under your touch.

“cold?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“a little,” she admitted, her eyes opening to meet yours. “but it’s okay.”

you continued with the moisturizer, your fingers gently massaging it into her skin. minjeong’s eyes fluttered closed again, a content smile playing on her lips. the intimacy of the moment wasn’t lost on either of you.

once you finished, you stepped back to admire your work. “there, all done. how do you feel?”

minjeong opened her eyes, her gaze soft and appreciative. “amazing. thank you, y/n.”

you blushed under her intense stare, your heart pounding in your chest. “you’re welcome, minjeong.”

“do you want to sleep with me?” you asked on your way out of the bathroom. the blonde’s eyes opened wide and her jaw dropped slightly. “what?” she stuttered out, the sound causing you to turn around in confusion.

however, you quickly realized how you had worded your words.

“oh!” you exclaimed, “i meant like do you want to sleep here in my room or the guest room.” you rambled quickly, trying to explain yourself.

the president chuckled softly, a playful glint in her eyes. “oh, right. here is fine,” she replied with a warm smile, following you into the room. “as long as your sister won’t kill me in the morning.”

you chuckled, relieved that she took your clumsy phrasing in stride. “jennie won’t mind. she trusts you more than she trusts me.”

as you both settled onto the bed, there was comfortable silence that lingered between the two of you. however, you broke that silence after a few moments.

“i’m worried about finals.” you said in a voice barely above a whisper, eyes glued to the canopy above you. you had three final exams, which were all on friday, the last day of school. the blonde girl slowly turned her head to stare at your side profile, concern in both her irises and her heart. “you’ll do great, i know you will. i’ll help you get ready for them, too.”

your heart warmed at her supportive words, and you turned to face her, grateful for the reassuring presence beside you. “thank you, minjeong,” you replied sincerely, a small smile playing on your lips. “i appreciate that.”

she reached out and gently took your hand in hers, squeezing it gently while her heart raced against her chest. “i’ll be here to help you every step of the way.”

“but what about your finals?” you protested slightly, worried that the other girl would be too caught up in helping you that she would have no time to study for her own exams.

minjeong smiled reassuringly, her thumb brushing lightly over the back of your hand. “don’t worry about me. i’ve been studying since last week, and i’ll manage my time. besides,” she added with a gentle smile that reached her eyes, “helping you is just as important to me.”

you felt a surge of gratitude mixed with a touch of guilt. she had helped you so much this semester, and yet here she was, still willing to help you during the most important time.

“thank you,” you murmured sincerely, squeezing her hand in return. “i really appreciate it.”

her smile softened, and she leaned closer, her voice dropping to a whisper. “i want you to succeed, y/n. and i know you will.” the blonde hushed as she gently pulled you into her arms, the scent of your lotion and shampoo filling her senses.

you felt a rush of emotions as she gently pulled you into her arms, and you swore your heart was going to explode as it hammered. however, you could feel hers beating just as loudly once she fully pulled you in. her embrace was tender and supportive, just like you had always dreamed of it being.

resting against her, you felt a sense of calm settle over you. minjeong’s presence was a comfort to silence your nerves, easing the weight of impending exams and everything else that usually plagued your thoughts at this hour.

“now, let's get some rest. tomorrow, we tackle those exams together.”

“goodnight, minjeong.” you whispered as your eyes fluttered shut. you felt the blonde smile against you as she whispered back. “goodnight, y/n.”

but just as you were about to let sleep pull you under completely, you felt her lips pressing a feather-light kiss to your forehead.

𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧: @silantryoo @forever-in-the-sky2 @rosiehrs @urfriendlylocalidiot @chaewonluvsme @zhivaxo @baebeefyburrito @jisooftme @winterlve @mina1vr @rgxjsss @uzumakioden @bexisbomb @tzuyuscloud @cwpiqwon @dream-chasers-things @demtions @sewiouslyz @jeindall777

@writingficsblog @ad0rechuu @lauxymy4 @awkwardtoafault @popstaryunjin @hibernatinghamster @tocupid @myothegreat @yerevies @alexxis10 @sighsam @ddeulgiheree @kikelikesmc @ddoxhan @justalittledissociation @jenaissantex @captivq @lea-pg @skisk1 @justme-idle @neuftaeng

CLOSED.

[minkkumaz]

taesan soft thoughts?? indeed!

taesan loves music and taking videos, so why not spend a day in the big city with him! roaming snack shops, album stores, go window shopping, hang out at skate parks, or do anything at all while taesan records every second of it on his camera bc he thinks ur the cutest person ever

CATCH MY HEARTS ON CAMERA

there was once a saying that a picture is worth a thousand words. taesan wants to capture everything about you in the case that words are a little hard to form. that's how in love with you he is.

PAIRING han taesan x fem!reader WC 3.2k TAGS fluff. taesan is literally in love goodnight. cussing. OMI NOTE i know this isn't exactly a drabble.. but as soon as i read that i thought of this and literally could not resist. i got a little carried away ngl LMAO but anything for you pearl.

there was once a saying that a picture is worth a thousand words. for this exact reason, taesan invested in a photo camera. it was second hand, but the quality wasn’t terrible. something about lower quality pictures felt more real to him, because not everything could be perfect.

what he wanted to do with the camera was all apart of his master plan, however. the amount of love he had in his heart for you extended great height. because of this, part of him needed something sincere to confess to you. and what was more lovely than a video diary

so hence started the project where he took you on a friend date once a week for four weeks. the word ‘friend’ was something he hated, as it made him feel crazy. there was a possibility you didn’t reciprocate, which is why he had to try everything.

when he brought up the idea (excluding the fact that he considered it a date), you were immediately on board. you always enjoyed being around taesan, so you paid no mind as to why. “i think that’s a really sweet idea taesan, we haven’t been able to properly hang out since i came back to korea. you’re just so popular” you told him happily.

“yeah it would be nice to spend some time together. i could maybe pick you up tomorrow?” his voice hints nervousness, but you don’t catch it.

“great! do you already have a plan for tomorrow?” “i can’t tell you, otherwise that ruins the surprise.” he smiles at you fondly.

with that, taesan stepped right onto planning. there were a multitude of places he was thinking about taking you. but at the end of the day, as long as you were together he would be okay.

friend date one: street food markets and a happy girl.

sometimes, food is the way to someones heart. and a little someone might’ve been dying to go to a food market during night - time to try all the best snacks in town. as soon as you brought it up some time ago, he could already envision the brightest grin pulled together on your lips.

hundreds of luminous lanterns shone throughout the alleyway. there were many banners sprawled out everywhere, advertising the different kinds of foods and merchandise you could purchase. not only that, the smell of meat and vegetables wafting through the air was heavenly.

as soon as you arrived at the location, taesan lead you carefully, making sure to cover your eyes. though you were sure when you heard the sizzling of food on a grill you knew exactly where you were. the touch of his skin on your eyes got hotter and hotter.

once he uncovers your face, your vision takes a second to adjust before you see the pretty vendors lining down the street. your jaw drops and you turn your heels to look at the boy behind you.

“oh my gosh taesannie no you didn’t!” you squeal like a little girl, jumping up and down, “i’ve wanted to come here for such a long time, but nobody ever wants to come with me!”

“i know haha that’s why i wanted to bring you–” you cut him off with a tight hug, his heart beat quickening.

“thank you thank you! i swear i’ve been craving street food forever since i moved back here.” 

when you pulled away, he almost had to chase after you as you ran down to see all the action. all of your senses being immediately heightened, stars behind your eyes. taesan knew this was a perfect moment, so he took his camera to record your rush.

“look they have gamja hot dogs!”

you ran up to one of the stands to order as taesan followed behind you. while you waited patiently for it to be prepared, you rocked on your feet eagerly. through the lens you looked cute, but it was incomparable to seeing it in person. 

“here, pay with this.” he grabbed money from his pocket with his free hand, giving it to you.

“are you sure taesannie– i just got promoted i can pay.” you try to hand it to him but he pushes it back to you.

“it’s not that expensive, don’t worry about it.” he insists.

“ahh okay fine. but next time we hang out i’ll pay!” you tilt your head and smile, shifting your attention to the crisp batter surrounding a mozzarella hot dog.

taking a bite, you immediately melt, chewing quickly so you could tell taesan how good it is.

“you have to try this it’s so good!” you put the treat up to his lips and he takes a bite, blushing at the thought of an indirect kiss. but you were right, it was really yummy.

“auhh, this is very good! you can get another if you’d like.” 

“then how will i have room for other stuff silly? let’s go look at all the other things!” you grab his hand to lead him around.

he places his camera back in his pocket, happy with the footage he got of your excited demeanor. the night would be long and your bellies would be full, and it was all worth it.

friend date two: let’s go skate!

the sound of wheels against pavement filled your ears, as you and taesan sprawled out on a grass patch nearby. there was a classic checkered blanket underneath the two of you with a basket of fruits and crackers.

“have you ever tried skating, y/n?” taesan asked as he handed you a napkin with a couple grapes in it.

“it’s too scary, i’d rather have my feet safely on the floor.” you tell him while snacking on the green fruit.

“i think it would be fun to try, i can help you. i brought my skateboard for a reason.”

“hold up– that’s basically me asking to die! you look a lot cooler when you’re doing it.” 

it sounded a little silly, but you were scared of skateboarding. professionals always made it look so cool, but it made you nervous. though after seeing taesan do a shoot at a skatepark, you thought it would be a nice recommendation to hang out there one day. but him actually remembering wasn’t something you expected. let alone have you try skateboarding.

taesan reddened with embarrassment at your compliment, shrugging it off, “just let me push you once, yeah? i can get some photos of you for your instagram.”

“that is a tad bit more convincing… you’ll hold me still, yeah?” you sit up from your spot, wiping any grass that might’ve gotten on your outfit.

“for sure, let’s go?” he holds a hand out to lead you down the little hill and towards the many skaters. 

you walked along with him, nearing closer and feeling more edgy. why exactly were you doing this? there was a possibility you just liked him that much, but you would never tell him that.

“taesannie i swear i have never touched a skateboard in my life, what if i eat shit and totally embarass myself?” you held the board he gave you in your shaky hands, fingers scratching against the dark grip tape.

“you won’t fall, y/n, i said i would be holding on to you.”

the idea of holding you as you stumble around on a skateboard was cute in his mind. he would help you get over your small fear, and take a few shots of you rolling around (with your arms swinging around like a weirdo, but his weirdo).

“okay okay.. but if you let me fall, zico will be hearing from me.” you sigh in defeat, placing the board down on the smooth pavement. 

“i promise, just step on the board and ill push you.” he gripped your arm in his hand while you stepped on the board.

“wait wait wait– don’t push me yet i’m scared.”

“don’t be scared okay? i’m right here i won’t let you get hurt.” taesan couldn’t help grinning at your clumsiness.

once you gave him the nod of approval, he let go of you and pushed. at first, you waved your arms arround to try to stablize yourself, but you got the hang of it.

“i’m doing it!” you exclaim while rolling off into the distance.

taesan zooms in on you rolling away while you shoot a thumbs up towards the camera. seeing you flailing around was sweet, but seeing you happy at your success was a lot more delightful.

friend date three: superache was lovely, but you’re lovelier.

just down the street, a very aesthetically pleasing album store opened up. if taesan wasn’t so caught up with work, he would’ve gone to the grand opening with riwoo. despite this he was quite relieved to learn you also were planning on going soon, so this was perfect.

both of you dressed comfy in matching hoodies (per your request) and walked a short distance to arrive there.

“i hope they have the conan gray cd i want. sunset season has been at the top of my shopping list, but the other stores near us are always sold out.” the bell rang at the top of the door when you guys walked in, signaling a greeting from the employees working.

“i enjoyed superache, i might get the vinyl for it actually.” taesan thought out loud.

“superache was really good too, what was your favorite song off of it?” you question, holding an imaginary mic up to his face.

“uhh probably memories? i listened to it a lot during weverse con.”

“oh i remember when you posted it! that makes sense i forgot.” you said, going towards the cd’s.

“you have my notifications on for weverse?” he asked sheepishly.

“why wouldn’t i? it’s like i get two times the texts from you.” you smile at him.

“that’s cute.” he spoke quietly that you could barely hear him.

the two of you scrolled mindlessly throughout the shop, flipping through the letter tabs to find the artist you liked. taesan made sure to mentally note which artists you looked at for longer, or which genre you browsed in for the longest. 

inside the shop, there were fake vines running across the walls and tons of posters littered about. it was awfully cozy, and though the dimmed lights made it harder for his camera to focus, you would look good even if you were blurry.

“taesannie! look i found the sunset season cd!” you bounced delightedly, holding up the jewel case in front of him. 

he captured the joyful expression on your face, your lips pulling into a teethy smile that made him feel warm. when you noticed the camera you made multiple poses holding the cd. watching your every movement as you switched between peace signs and half hearts.

the last date was nearing closer, it made his heart ache anxiously.

friend date four: this is our chapter, right?

after your friend date today, he would go home to make a compilation of all the memories you made in these few weeks. this was probably the most extroverted thing an introvert could do, but in a way, it made the most sense to him. 

he would show it to you the next day, hoping to be able to call you his girlfriend very soon. for now, it was best to swallow down the stress and make today worth it.

earlier in the morning, he texted you to meet up at a library just to hang out. there was a cute cafe there in case you felt hungry, and your favorite selection of books piled atop numerous shelves. 

taesan arrived earlier than you in order to pick out the best spot to sit together, out of view from too many passerbys. while it sounded oddly suspicious he just wanted time alone with you, he always did. and you trusted him.

“taee sannn?” you whisper yelled, walking at a fast pace with your head bopping around. he raised his hand up and you saw him sitting against a bookshelf.

“hey you found me.” he perked up quietly as you sat down next to him on the floor.

“yeah i basically had to parade around the whole library to find you, stupid. big tall mountain yet i was unable to point you out from all these people; who may i add, are not six fucking foot.” you tease, scooting in to him until your shoulders barely touched.

“well you found me now, that’s what matters, right?” 

“i guess so. what are you reading?” taking the corner of his book in between your fingers, you slightly pull it in your direction.

“i’m not sure, i kinda just picked something up while i was waiting. it’s pretty good so far though.” he moves his head up, feeling the closeness of your guys’ faces. you were still looking, analyzing the pages.

“it smells old.”

“what?” he laughed, “you don’t like the smell of books?”

“it’s not that, it just reminds me that i haven’t been in a library in such a long time. reading makes me tired.” you yawn.

“don’t fall asleep on me now, here, i’ll go a few pages back and we can read together okay? just tap my arm when you want me to turn the page.” he told you while you just hummed in reply.

together, you read in silence for awhile. the pads of your fingers gently pressing into taesan’s arm whenever you were ready to move onto the next page. over time, your taps got lighter and lighter, until you didn’t tap at all.

your head fell into his shoulder, making him flinch slightly at the sudden contact. when he glanced back over to you, your eyes were shut.

taesan freezes, unsure of what to do. does he wake you? he doesn’t dare to move a single muscle, ultimately deciding to let you rest. his mind and heart is racing because while you were always close with him, it was different when he had a crush on you.

he took his arm to wrap around your body, pulling you closer towards him. you nuzzled into him comfortably, unbeknownst to you exactly what you were doing. he pulled his camera to snap a very charming photo of you all sleepy. something about you looked very silly, so he was excited to show you and tease you about it.

right. he had a whole compilation of things he wanted to show you.

“you have no idea how much i like you, y/n.” he murmurs softly.

friend dates are out, confessions are in: i think really really love you.

taesan stayed up all night clipping together photos and videos of you. every scene of you, every detail, he studied over and over just reminiscing of all the moments you got to spend together. he was so fucking scared you wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings.

normally he was calm, putting up this kind of chill persona. but genuinely he was terrified. any of the other members that he talked to about the whole situation told him that you definitely returned his feelings, but he could never be too sure. leehan was on top of telling him that he’d be fine.

but there he was, anxiously waiting for you to knock on his door. his laptop lay in front of him on the coffee table, tabbed out of the video so you don’t see it right away. time couldn’t pass any slower.

however he swore his heart rate picked up even more when you did knock. he quickly pulled out his phone to make sure he was looking okay. his outfit was nothing fancy, just some sweatpants and a shirt, but he still wanted to be presentable for you. the best way to get you over to his house was a movie night, so comfy attire was a must.

“hi taesan!” you greeted him as he opened the door to let you in. 

“hey, are you ready for a movie night?” he fidgeted with the jawstrings on his sweats, going to sit over on the couch with you behind him.

“yes i’m excited! i get big blanket though you stole it last time.”

“yeah of course, but um– i wanted to show you something first.” he stuttered out.

“sure, what’s up?” you were worried from taesan’s sudden demeanor change. he took his laptop from the table and switched to a tab, placing it in your lap.

“hit play.”

once you did so, you were met with a melodic sound in the background. it was a tune you were familiar with, but you never knew where it was from. taesan would hum it all the time, and you realized once the first verse started that it was his voice.

‘hi, y/n. these were my favorite moments with you for the past week.’ read the captions below.

photos and videos of your past few weeks together played on the screen in order. you waiting excitedly for your gamja hot dog, you rolling away on taesans skateboard.

‘you might be wondering why i put all of this together, and sometime throughout this i wondered if it was stupid.’

 the multiple photos of you posing with your favorite conan gray cd, and lastly a photo of you sleeping soundly against taesan’s shoulder.

‘but i think it was perfect for me to capture every single moment that made me fall in love with you.’

the expression on your face was blank, you blinked back, still a bit confused. more photos played throughout the video, selfies of you and taesan over the past couple years.

‘i really really love you, y/n.’

as the video came to an end and the screen went black, you looked over at taesan with tears welling in your eyes. you moved the laptop next to you and leaned over to embrace him in a hug.

“taesannie… why didn’t you tell me sooner?” you sniffed while he returned your hug.

“i just didn’t know how. you deserve nothing less than perfection y/n…” he paused, “and i mean it. i really am in love with you, i always have been.”

“i love you too, taesan.”

in that moment, every single worry and doubt he’s ever had washed away as you placed your lips on his. it was like a reward for the constant longing he had for you. part of it still felt like a dream, but you’ve always been absolutely unreal in his eyes.

“is that what all of those dates were for? to hypnotize me into falling in love with you?” you giggled pulling away.

“i mean it wasn’t my intention, but if it happened, it happened.” 

“shut up, this was totally something leehan would do! he helped you didn’t he?” you furrow your eyebrows while poking his cheek in an attempt to get answers out of him.

“you don’t give me enough credit, this was my idea i promise. he’s just the one that kept me sane during all of it.”

“even if you were insane i wouldn’t mind visiting my lovely boyfriend in the mental hospital.” you place another slow kiss on his lips.

“that sounds nice, girlfriend.”

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[manicpixiefelix]

he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) // epilogue

{ head, heart, hand. masterpost }

Summary: Oliver is haunted by what he's done to get his happy ending in Felix's arms. His guilt is only made worse when he meets the first member of your family to actually remind him of you. Unfortunately, he does not find it to get better from there.

{ context; please read he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) first }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons. YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD IN THIS ONE, but you do get to haunt the narrative. congratulations?

Warnings: discussions of death/overdose, lots of guilt, manipulative oliver, felix being upset, vaguely unhealthy oliver/felix, lotsa angst, oliver quick reckoning with the sunk-cost fallacy.

A/N: 6828 words. first, i don't usually do part 2s when i say something is a oneshot, so this is a rare occurrence. secondly im sorry this is almost 7k there's something wrong with my brain i think. thirdly bro, bro, listen to me; ANGST. HURT NO COMFORT. HURT NO COMFORT. it's soft in the middle THE SOFTNESS IS A LIE. ITS GONNA HURT ALL THE WAY DOWN (apart from nana i love her nd i hope you will too)

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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One hour and fifty three minutes.

Rounded up, because all things considered, he should round it up, that's two hours.

Two hours. Like the blink of an eye in the scope of a whole life. But a very long time when you sit and count it out.

One hundred and twenty minutes. Seven thousand, two hundred seconds. He's always counting two hours, seeing exactly how long it feels like, how he can fill that amount of time. Seconds pass like a steady heartbeat.

He can do a lot in two hours.

Oliver tries to occupy himself nowadays more than ever, and really tries not to be alone, but it's hard. Farleigh left for Oxford. Venetia, before she decided to backpack across Europe and find herself, wouldn't let anyone touch her anymore.

Oliver doesn't like leaving Felix alone, but sometimes he has to be. You're laying cold in a family crypt somewhere next to a grandfather you never knew, and while Elspeth and Sir James don't comment on it, they both scowled when your parents sprung the announcement on everyone at the funeral.

Felix spends a lot of time alone at the edge of the maze. He's making a fairy garden where you had waited. Sometimes he'll drive into town without telling anyone, and come back with quaint, second-hand miniatures to add. It's beautiful, shining with greens and golds when the setting sun hits it just right.

So Oliver finds time to occupy himself, when he's alone and all he can think about is you sitting by the maze. You laying by the maze. You alive when he'd run from the maze. And the two hours that followed.

Sometimes he leans out of his window and shouts to the gardeners so far away they look like ants; even at this distance, his voice carries, and he sees them turn, search for him, ask if he's okay. He is, and he apologises, and he think about how far his voice carries.

On occasion, out of the blue, he'll lift Felix up when he hugs him, able to get his feet off the ground as Felix wriggles and clutches him out of surprise. Of course Felix lifts him with ease in return, spins him around, but that's not the point. Oliver is stronger than he looks; he wonders if he could lift you, could carry you far, if he could have dragged you if it had come to it.

Some nights he wakes up in a fright, your rapid heart rate beneath his fingers and he swears he could hear you whispering for help amid your shallow breathing. Please. Pleading. Begging. You were alive when he'd left you. He presses two finger to Felix's pulse point beside him, and tries to calm his breathing, to focus on Felix's slow, steady heartbeat.

And some days he sneaks into the computer room and curses how long webpages take to load when he looks up statistics on overdoses. Symptoms. Niche forums where he can learn what it felt like from survivors. People luckier than you. Their words, their stories, the recollections of those horrifying sensations stick with him, even as he diligently erases any trace of his browsing history.

And he thinks about how fucking long two hours is.

"Nan's coming over later," Felix tells Oliver idly one Sunday afternoon, "we're having tea of you'd like to join us." They're laying out in the grass, Oliver in the grass finding shapes in the clouds, Felix on his side, chewing on the stick of a lollypop he'd finished an hour ago and gently tracing abstract patterns on Oliver's chest.

"I thought you said your granny haunted Saltburn," when Oliver looks at Felix, he still can't help the way his heartrate picks up. Felix Catton touching him in the most gentle, caring way; he'd never stop feeling lucky for getting here, and never forget what he did to earn it.

Felix's gaze moves with his fingertips, up Oliver's warm, bare chest, twisting two fingers in the delicate chain around his throat. He looks pensive; but shakes his head after a beat.

"Different nan," he says distractedly, plastic straw trapped between his teeth. He tugs the chain experimentally, like he's forgotten it's attached to Oliver at all. He's in his head again; Felix is always in his head nowadays, but there's still often echoes of who he was, echoes of what Oliver has fallen for in the first place.

And he's finding himself falling more and more for this version of Felix too. So he tell himself that it was all worth it.

"Love," all these pet names - Love, Darling, Sweetheart - because if he slips up, tries to call him Fi, Oliver knows he'll only get ice in return, "is everything okay?" Oliver carefully reaches up to cover Felix's large, warm hand by his throat with his own. Felix meets his gaze, and gives a faint smile, an attempt to reassure him when he says he's fine. It doesn't work, but Oliver lets it go, and lets Felix tug him in by his chain for a kiss.

"Tea sounds lovely," Oliver murmurs against his lips.

There's something about this visit has Felix alive and buzzing the he way he hasn't in a very long time. Still he's quiet, but his eyes are bright as he follows behind the staff members setting up tea and biscuits in the garden. He goes through all the DVDs the family has and picks out a stack he thinks would be suitable, making sure they're all perfectly stacked by the DVD player. Oliver floats along behind him, and simply allows himself to admire Felix's energy.

Still, Felix finally takes a moment to breathe right as it becomes noon, and decides to have a bath to freshen up before his guest's arrival; two hours before she'd be here, Felix reminds him.

Two hours.

Oliver feels drawn to his own room. He doesn't allow himself to be alone in Saltburn often anymore, doesn't like the thoughts that crop up when he does. Perhaps it's a kind of punishment, a painful reminder, penance for what he's done.

There's a scrap of paper that he keeps tucked in a book in his nightstand, his own handwriting stuffed amongst a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's short stories, words he'd clung to and scribbled out the minute he'd gotten the chance so he'd never forget them exactly.

From the coroner's report, according to Duncan and Sir James. Time of Death; around 2am. Cause; narcotics overdose, and there were signs of alcohol poisoning.

On the back, he'd written '12:07'.

"Mum and dad both say it was a tragic accident," Felix's voice in the dead of night, the night they'd gotten the full report, riddled with guilt and unspilled tears, betrays his disbelief regarding the sentiment. Felix doesn't talk about how his last words to you were shouted with anger. Felix doesn't talk about how your last words to him were a desperate plea for him through tears. Felix doesn't think that it was an accident; only Oliver knows that he's almost right, just not in the way he thinks. Or dreads. But he has to bite his tongue on the truth, and let the man he loves live with this unjust guilt.

The water starts loudly draining for the tub, and Oliver isn't sure how long he's been sitting on the edge of his bed with his eyes squeezed so tightly shut, but he scrambles to stuff the page back into the book, and toss it back into it's drawer. He can smile again, and admire whatever outfit Felix chooses for the rest of the day, and pretend like he doesn't feel your rapid heartbeat or hear your shallow breathing every time he touches that paper, like he had the night he left you.

With the hour drawing ever closer to two, Felix keeps checking his watch. The minute he deems it to be time, he gives up all pretence of small talk - which had been another thing severely lacking as of late - and snatches Oliver's hand, pulling him through the house. They even outstripped Duncan and the footmen by the door when there comes a firm knock. Its the only time Oliver has ever seen any of the Cattons open the doors for themselves.

And it's not Felix's grandmother.

"Hi, nan," Felix sounds so genuinely happy as he hugs the older woman at the door with a warm smile and your eyes.

Oliver feels like he's frozen, like he's seeing a ghost. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Duncan actually standing aside, giving Felix and your grandmother a quietly fond smile.

"I swear you get taller every time I see you, oh, my lovely boy," she says with a warm laugh that sounds so damn familiar, "or maybe I've been shrinking, you get to my age and people tend to do that," and Felix laughs, actually fucking laughs. Oliver realises it's been a long time since he'd heard Felix give a proper laugh like that. As the hug ends, Felix let's her tuck her arm in his as she continues, "just you wait, one day you'll only be six-foot tall." Another laugh, and Oliver can see how genuine and broad he's smiling, how his eyes shine when their gazes meet. She's surprisingly sprightly for her age, it seems. Oliver recognises your grandmother from your funeral, but hadn't made the connection at the time, so he's surprised when Felix goes to introduce him and her eyes sparkle with recognised.

"Nan, I don't know if you've been properly introduced, but this is -"

"Your Darling, Oliver," and it's said with such warmth; her hug feels almost like home, "you strange, little thing," she laughs, "it's called a hug; are you not a hugger? I should have asked," but she doesn't apologise, nor does she let go for a few more beats. Oliver gives into this moment, closes his eyes tightly and hugs her back.

"Our Darling Oliver," Felix echoes with such admiration, and when Oliver opens his eyes, it's the first time since you'd passed where his gaze has held only the love and pride Oliver had been craving since he'd first laid eyes on him.

Once Nana - she'd insisted Oliver call her that too - lets him go, she tucks her arm in his, and is waving Felix over to her other side, briskly asking where tea was to be held. Duncan leads the way and she fawns over him too, apparently downright overflowing with love for Saltburn and everyone and everything in it. She talks more than she doesn't, but considering who Oliver is and who Felix has become, that suits them both just fine.

It's been too long since they've had tea together, she insists, and doesn't talk about why exactly that would be. She doesn't bring you up, not while you were all making your way through the house, but once she's settled outside, she takes a moment. The way she looks at Oliver in this moment makes him queasy; the smile, that look in her eyes, the way her gaze takes all of him in. A woman, whose time is so precious to her, taking her time to make him feel seen. Felix is quiet, intrigued by the exchange.

Your phantom heart beats beneath Oliver's fingertips.

"You're Y/N's grandma," Oliver says quietly, breaking the tension. Present tense still, they all play pretend. She smiles, and finally leans back. The moment is broken; Felix pours them each a cup of tea. Nana takes a jammy dodger and looks over the gardens with a smile.

"Of course, dear," she says sincerely, taking a bite of the biscuit, but being so eager to talk that she spoke through half a mouthful, "and when they were thirteen they told me I was Felix's grandmother too, because they'd overheard Felix's mum talking about how she hoped they'd get married some day." Felix snorted a laugh at that, turning pink around the ears as he prepared everyone's tea, as if on autopilot.

"Does that -" Oliver begins awkwardly, but he tries to smile, "do you think in time, they would have ask the same of you about me?"

"Considering how they spoke about you," there's a twinkle in your Nan's eyes as she turns back to him, smile knowing, "there's absolutely no doubt in my mind, my dear." All you had ever done was love him; love him and stand in the way of the love he desperately craved.

Oliver watches his tea for a long while, spinning the ornate cup on its matching saucer, while your Nana almost immediately picked hers up and took a tentative sip. Watching out of the corner of his eyes, Oliver notes the way her face goes on a journey of emotions, from pleased, to confused, to a sudden realisation as she looks to her cup.

"I should have asked you how you liked your tea," Felix realises too late, apology in his voice as Nana puts her cup down with a forlorn, yet fond look.

"No, darling, it's nice to know you know how my grandchild liked their tea," and she holds her cup delicately, looking into it's warm, brown depths, "just the same as I always made it for both of us when they were much, much younger."

"I am so sorry to ask," Oliver hears himself blurt out, unable to help himself, "but how does all this love just skip a generation?" It comes out far worse than he intends it to; he means to ask how someone so loving as you come from parents so uncaring, yet how did either of those parents turn out the way they did when the woman in front of him was clearly bursting with just as much love as you had been. Thankfully, instead of being offended, your grandmother laughs.

"My daughter is a wonderful, intelligent, compassionate, impressive woman," she begins, but sighs with unmistakable disappointment, "but my late husband was never capable of even trying to be a father over pursuing his own interests, and it's one of the few traits she actually inherited from him," she shook her head, "and she went on to fall in love with a man who loved her but suffered from that exact same defect," after a beat, she looked up with a warm, reassuring smile, "it's why I love Y/N so fiercely, and so hard," her grin turns soft and adoring, looking between the two boys before her, "the only way my daughter has ever disappointed me is as a mother, but I will never be disappointed in Y/N as my grandchild."

Oliver knows there's tears in his eyes, and Felix has ducked his head. Immediately Nan begins apologising, realising she'd set both of them off. Despite this, Oliver tries to wave her away, insisting it's fine, before he asks about her; he's heard bits and pieces he thinks, but Y/N had always been so cagey about their family. Honestly he's surprised that your grandmother knows so much about him when he feels like he's barely heard about her.

Despite turning out to be an incredibly decorated artist, with paintings selling for more than Oliver's pretty sure his own family's house is worth, your Nana is quick to downplay her own successes, simply insisting that it took decades of hard work. Again, he sees you in her eyes.

"We've got a few up around the house," Felix adds, "most of them actually from before we even met Y/N," and your Nana gives him a shove, as if flustered and embarrassed by the idea. But Felix is beaming, happy to be showing off her accomplishments, just as he always took joy in celebrating you; "there's one in your room."

"What?" Oliver asked, and your grandmother also seemed surprised, though touched by the thought.

"It used to be their room, actually, but Ollie moved in there, so Y/N was staying with me," he explains a little awkwardly, wanting to skim around as many implications as he could. Thankfully she doesn't comment. All she asks is which one. Felix and Oliver both think about the room; Felix about the few pieces of art on the walls, Oliver about your time of death in the drawer. You were alive when he left you -

"That one of the stars, and that person smoking; I think you actually gave it to them as a gift," he frowns for a beat, "for when they turned seventeen, I think?"

Oh, Oliver knows that one. It's enchanting, blues so deep, so rich it's like you could swim in them, stars that seemed to actually glow on the canvas, and the hazy, dark outline of the window in the foreground, and part of a figure against the windowsill, lit cigarette the lone spot of fire, of red or orange, that makes everything else warmer for it.

"That one really surprised me actually," Nana admits, giving Felix a shrew smile, though he only seems confused, "did they ever tell you anything about it?"

"Said you painted it for them; pretty sure I remember them crying about it," he says fondly, reminiscing, "one of the best gifts they ever got, I'm not lying, they say it every year. It's beautiful." Then, as if recalling what she'd actually said, he looks at her curiously, "surprised you?"

Her smile widened into something both knowing, and endeared.

"I asked them to send me a photo, a postcard, their very best drawing, anything, as long as it was their favourite place in the world - do you really not recognise it?" The tea and biscuits are gone by now, the tea portion of their afternoon is coming to a close. Felix shook his head, almost looking like a lost child, as if he was aware there was something he was supposed to be understanding but couldn't quite get it, "Felix, my dear boy, they sent me a photo of you; that's their dorm room window from boarding school."

Felix looks winded, and a bit like he's about to cry.

"Oh you two were impossibly sweet," she reaches over and holds his hand tightly, looking over to Oliver earnestly, "you take care of this dear boy and his heart, you hear me?"

"Yes," Oliver all but trips over his words to agree, "of course, nan." And she gives him a pleased grin.

They move indoors after this, Felix quiet but lending his arm to Nana, which she takes, while she explained that usually you and Felix would visit a few times a year when they were on break, but she thought it would be best to come to Saltburn this time, given the circumstances.

"You should come see the place when you get the chance," she insisted, patting Oliver's hand.

"It's mostly where Y/N was raised before they ended up staying at Saltburn," Felix supplied with a grin, piquing Oliver interest.

"Y/N's childhood home? Oh I have to see that," he grins, and your grandmother grins brightly for a long moment.

"I'm sure Y/N would love that, they can give you the grand tour -" but her face falters, falls, as if she'd just remembered. Sombre silence, the spell is broken. "I'd love to have you around, dear," she corrects, much softer this time.

Felix lets her pick a movie, while Oliver settles himself awkwardly on the sofa. He wants to reach out to Felix, to touch his cheek, feel his boyish smile and know that it's real. But Felix isn't really even looking at him. There's something childlike about his enthusiasm here, about how he sits on his knees on the floor, watching with rapt attention as your grandmother pores over them. He practically glows as she praises his choices. When she picks one, she hands it over and he scrambles on all fours across the short floor space to the DVD player, fumbling with the case like he can't put it in fast enough. There's a softness in your grandmother's eyes as she watches the boy who has seemingly forgotten the man he is; when she looks at Oliver, its like he sees her asking how easy is he to adore, what a beautiful young man.

"You don't mind watching a movie do you, Oliver, dear?" She asks, though it's clearly an afterthought. He's already shaking his head, assuring her it's fine. Felix is already scrambling back, remote in hand. Oliver tries to make space for him on the sofa between himself and your Nana, but he seems content to sit on the floor in front of her, leaning back against the sofa with her knees gently pressed against either of his shoulders. Handing her the remote, Felix twists to give Oliver an expectant smile.

"Come here, mate," he insists, patting his lap, his legs kicked out in front of him. At Oliver's obvious confusion, Felix blinks for a few moments. It's like he's waking from a dream. His face falls, he goes to apologise, strained smile on his face, "sorry, I know that's weird, you don't have to -"

Slowly, Oliver moves from the sofa, sitting beside Felix on the floor. Your grandmother's knee is pressed gently to his back, but he's not quite sure if he's capable of relaxing enough in this moment to mind. She's playing with Felix's hair, having already started the movie.

"This is what you and Y/N would do," Oliver said softly, and rested his head on Felix's shoulder. Felix takes his hand, and laces their fingers together.

"Do you like it when people play with your hair, Oliver?" Your grandmother asks idly.

"Um, sometimes," he answers, still feeling rather awkward. He hears her chuckle warmly.

"It's okay if you don't want me to; Felix likes it so much he lets me braid it when it's long like this."

"Oh, I know Felix loves it," Oliver hears himself agree, "if he were a cat he'd be the kind to purr any time someone scratched between his little cat ears." And while both he and your grandmother share a fond laugh, he can hear Felix's smile in his words. He gives Oliver's hand a squeeze.

"I can't even argue; I wish I could purr right now."

Oliver wants to bottle this moment forever, keep it locked tight in his chest.

But the movie is a long one. One hour and fifty six minutes. Two hours rounded up. A whole two hours. Enough time to fall asleep with his head in Felix's lap the way they both said you used to. He wakes with your heartbeat in his ears, rapid, alive, left for dead.

"You okay buddy?" Felix looks at him with genuine love and concern; it's been such a long time since he'd seen that look, even with everything that had been happening, "I'm here, you're okay," he assured. Over by the television, putting the remote back, your grandmother glances over at the interaction with a warmth that makes Oliver feel queasy in this moment.

And he'll look up from the book, from his notes from the coroner's report crammed in, obscuring the end of one story while The Tell-Tale Heart begins on the other. Felix will be getting ready for bed in the other room, but he won't sleep there. He can't sleep there. Can't sleep in that bed without you, can't move the costumes from that night that hang side by side as a reminder of the hole you'd left behind in his life. Oliver will read approximately two am in his own messy handwriting, and look at the digital clock on his bedside that had read 12:07 when he'd crashed into his room and locked the door and sunk down against it. The numbers had been shining red in the darkness. On the wall behind, that starry night sky and the hint of Felix and his cigarette; a home you'll never return to hung up in the home you'll never truly leave.

He put enough coke in that bottle to kill a fucking lion. He'd given you the bottle. He'd told you he loved you. He'd left you like that.

He knew you were dying.

He'd left you alive.

Two hours.

The book snaps shut. In the silence he thinks he hears your breathing. Please, Ollie, help. Paranoia is a cruel thing, he has to tell himself; paranoia and guilt.

"Can I ask you something?" Felix joins him just as he's putting the book back in it's drawer. Oliver, heart beat racing - never as fast as the memory of yours, oh now it's all he can think about again - nods quickly. Felix sits on the end of the bed, clearly preoccupied, fussing with the buttons of his pyjama shirt. The days are getting cooler now; Oliver misses his bare skin against his, but he still feels too precarious to make such an observation.

"It's about Y/N," Felix swallows, can't meet his eyes, "about that night." Oliver feels his mouth go dry; the worst fucking night of his life. The night he doesn't know if he'll ever figure out if he regrets all he'd done.

He nods again.

"Were you the last person they spoke to?" It's like Felix is forcing himself to not shy away from this moment, giving Oliver the attention he thinks he deserves for such an important question. Then, after swallowing hard, he can't help but drop his gaze, "why," he can barely get it out, there's already a lump in his throat, "didn't they come into the maze too?" Oliver can't even give him that.

You'd been such a mess on your way to the maze, even with Oliver supporting you. Crying, furious, apologetic; you were everything at once. Even when you couldn't bring yourself to go in, everything about you had been sliding from one emotion to the next. But then it had stopped.

"I can wait for Fi here." It's the most sure that he'd seen you all night. It's when he knew. It had to be you, even if he loved you too. He'd never forget how clear your smile was, how sincere you'd urged him into the maze to follow the tail of what he thought was right. The sight of you, waiting, obedient and loyal for your master to return; "I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

Oliver knew before he'd even entered the maze that Felix's return to you would be too late.

In the present, Felix waits too, diligent, expectant. Oliver thinks about lying. Oliver thinks about how the truth will break his heart. Oliver thinks about how close Felix will hold him in his guilt riddled grief.

"I don't think they wanted to interrupt -" Oliver tries to start, but Felix immediately swears, hangs his head.

"Can't fucking believe I did that," he spits, "I was angry, and off my fucking face, sure, but that was fucking low, even for me," he admitted, pitching himself back on the bed, whole face scrunched up with guilt, barking out an upset fuck far louder than the others, prompting to Oliver to tentatively ask what he means. Felix took a moment, as if forcing himself to calm down, before he admits, voice low like he was sharing a secret, "I never even took Eddie into the maze," he sighed. After a beat, he conceded, "no, okay I did, but we didn't do anything - we made out a bit, but -"

"You didn't fuck you ex-boyfriend in the maze," Oliver connected the dots quickly, "but you did fuck your best friend's ex-not-girlfriend who you kind of stole from them, out of spite after kicking them out of your the bed you've been sharing all Summer?"

"Fucking hell, Ollie!" Felix sounds especially wounded when he lays it all out like that.

"Sorry," immediately, Oliver apologises, knot in his stomach when he hears Felix's pained tone. He wonders if this was what it was like for you all through the night of his birthday. Fuck, he can't think about that.

"No, but you're right," Felix admits, eyes finally opening, looking all hurt and vulnerable. Oliver lays himself down next to Felix, going the other way, both of them looking up at the ceiling. Oliver's hands rest on his chest, trying again, softer this time.

"So was a special place to them?" He gets no response other than a guilty nose from Felix, "you think that's why they wanted to wait by the entrance?"

"They wanted to wait for me," Felix says weakly, clearly in his head about that night once more, "didn't want to interrupt even as I was fucking defiling our-" but he catches himself turning bitter again, mouth snapping closed, "after everything I said that night," he mumbles, "fucking hell," he chokes out. The pain in his voice is audible. This is the sweet spot, Oliver thinks.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver whispers amid Felix's faint sobs.

"What?"

"You asked me what their last words were," Oliver told him as softly as he could manage; Felix sits up, eyes wide, distraught, so full of guilt and love and - "only thing they were properly coherent about; waiting for you," Oliver props himself up, reaches out to wipe a tear from Felix's cheek.

"You're not- Ollie, please tell me you're not kidding," Felix practically begs.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver reiterates, making sure to meet Felix's gaze as he holds his face, "'s the last thing they said- they said; I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

God he can see it in Felix's eyes; it's like the man's entire world crashes down around him. But he clings just as Oliver had hoped he would. As Felix holds him tightly, Oliver can't look at the glaring, red numbers of the clock on his bedside, the constant reminder of the two hours where he could have done something. Two hours and those wouldn't have been your last words.

He looks at the painting. At the stars. At Felix and his cigarette and your idea of what home looks like. The stars look just like they did that night. Just as bright. Oliver closes his eyes. Guilt twists people into shapes they don't often recognise; Oliver just holds Felix, hopes they twist into something together.

Except Oliver's guilt isn't the kind that twists, it's the kind that bites. It's like moths, eating him from the inside out. The guilt leaves him with jagged edges and thoughts he'd rather not be having; there are shades of Felix Catton that he loves, but shame and revulsion bites just behind the guilt as the months pass and he realises more and more this is not what he wanted. This is not the Felix he wanted.

Felix is like an echo, like the sun without it's warmth; he can look just the same, smile, talk, charm just the same if it was required of him, but there was something clearly missing from every interaction. Guests to Saltburn would pull his parents aside and ask if everything was alright. He is, but he is not the same as he once was.

Every day Oliver looks in the mirror and sees something grotesque behind his eyes that no-one else seems to notice. Felix Catton was meant to be the prize, the one who tossed aside everything but the best, the one who made the world fight for his attention, and feel heartbroken when he merely looked the other way. After all this, Felix Catton was not someone Oliver expected to be bored by.

Oliver Quick had lied for, lied to, betrayed the trust of, worked to gain the trust back of, loved, made fall in love with him, and literally murdered the love of his life who he also loved and was themselves also in love with Oliver while still considering Felix the love of their life, just to get a chance to spend his life by Felix fucking Catton's side. He wasn't allowed to not want this.

Felix smiles at him, says he loves him, fucks him, but it's not the dream Oliver once had. Something is always missing. No. Oliver deliberately took that thing away. But he can never admit that, nor can he ever regret that; too far gone. Oliver doesn't want to talk about the past, Felix can't being himself to talk about the future. Trapped together in the present, living lives that no longer feel like enough. Their routine becomes suffocating. Even Venetia, the few times she's stopped back at Saltburn, can barely manage a disdainful look, as if merely inconvenienced by Oliver's presence.

The growing apathy of the estate and it's occupants is exhausting. The cost of this lifestyle has long since surpassed it's value. He's even bored of being haunted. Two hours feels like fucking nothing when the days drag on the way they have been. Behind his eyelids he doesn't see you begging for help, you hiss for him to run, to get out.

He should have listened.

"Ollie, can I show you something I found?" Felix sounds bright today, and though Oliver wants to roll his eyes at the idea of anything in this house being new or novel enough to show off, he smiles back instead.

"'course Felix, what is it?"

Except Felix isn't smiling at him. Felix is looking far more serious and determined, sitting on the edge of their shared bed. Oliver immediately frowns.

"Have you been hiding something from me, Ollie?" It's a trap; a forced confession. Oliver shakes his head, plays dumb. Felix takes a deep breath, the kind that shifts his whole body, his expression remaining firm, "before I show you this thing, I want you to be honest with me; you promised you wouldn't lie to me anymore, you remember?" Oliver tries to lighten the mood, leaning against the window with a warm smile.

"Of course, my lovely Felix, no more lying," he assures, but the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with the way Felix remains quiet.

"What's seven-past-twelve mean?" Felix is watching him closely; too closely. Scrutinising his every move. It's like Oliver's been doused in ice water, even his tongue frozen in his mouth, "and what's it got to do with what happened on the night of your birthday?"

Felix doesn't even look at the night table as he opens it; his gaze is solely on Oliver. It's clear he'd done this before, pulling out the book, flicking through it's pages, and pulling the delicate, incriminating piece of paper out from where it had been safe for so many months.

"Felix, I-"

"What does twelve-oh-seven mean?"

Oliver is the deer again, trapped in Felix's accusatory gaze. For just a moment, Felix's voice drops, pleading with him for some other explanation, that Oliver wasn't somehow caught up in what happened, more closely, more malevolently than he'd ever said -

"Tell me," there's tears in his eyes, the furious kind, the ones where he's desperate to love and hope against all odds, "Oliver," he pleads through gritted teeth, "tell me you didn't know."

"Know what?" Oliver's voice is a hoarse whisper; he knows he is caught, all he has left now is borrowed time and a desperately silver tongue he doesn't know if he can rely on anymore. But Oliver's tragically weak denial is enough for Felix to all but jump to the right conclusion.

In a rush, Felix has Oliver by the collar of his shirt, pressed to the window -

"You knew they were dying and you fucking left them there."

This is the tipping point, the end of whatever good this had been. Felix could hurt him, Felix had hurt countless people on your behalf, he'd seen it himself. But Felix had always been the bleeding heart; you were the one who had to be kept on a leash. Felix could hurt him, could probably maim him for what Oliver was about to say, but he never shared your stomach for true Machiavellianism.

"Of course I knew," Oliver managed coldly, despite Felix attempting to crush all the air from him, "the amount of coke I gave them in that champagne could have killed a rhino-" it needed to be unforgiveable, the confession, so Felix would let him leave, would never want to see him again. He hadn't expected the force of Felix's rage to have the glass behind him give out.

Oliver falls from the second story window into the hedge garden below. Felix's shouting is tearing through the whole house it seemed, making his way downstairs, while Oliver tries to regain his breath and figure out if anything's broken. He's pretty sure it's not, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt as Felix drags him by his feet from the hedges, demanding at the top of his lungs that Oliver get the fuck out of Saltburn.

Every single person who'd been in the house comes outside to view the commotion, to see Oliver struggling to his feet, to get away from Oliver. Elspeth looks helplessly between the two boys, wondering what happened -

"Tell her what you did," Felix demanded, once more getting into Oliver's space, jabbing at his chest, "tell her what the fuck you just told me -" and Oliver's strength isn't insignificant, but Felix is in a fury, flooded with rage and adrenaline, and he grabs the back of Oliver's shirt like he's scuffing a cat, shoving him towards his mother like an offering. Oliver struggles because he feels like he has to, feels wild, feels feral, but it's the most of anything he's gotten from Felix in so long. His mouth stays shut, won't give him the satisfaction of a confession.

"He killed them," Felix doesn't even let Oliver have his power play before he grows bored. He shoves Oliver just a little, grip unyielding despite Oliver's best efforts, like he means nothing to him. Elspeth and Sir James are confused, looking between them both, but Felix isn't done with stringing Oliver up for all of Saltburn to see, "Y/N; he intentionally dosed their drink and left them to die outside the maze."

The Catton parents immediately look crestfallen; it's the first time in months Oliver's felt genuine guilt again. Oliver stops fighting. Felix lets him go. Elspeth asks him if this is true; that heartbroken hope is going to make him sick.

"Just send me away already," he drops his head.

"Oliver," Elspeth's voice is firmer this time; when he looks up, she's stepping towards him, tears in her eyes despite how hard she's clearly trying to hold herself together, "is Felix telling the truth?" Is this it? Is this the final gate to his freedom from Saltburn.

"Yes."

Elspeth slaps him so hard her ring draws blood. Oliver hadn't thought that was even possible, but his head is ringing from the collision.

"Get. Out." She hisses with absolute malice as he's hunched over, clutching his face. Felix is by his mother's side in a heartbeat, arm around her, looking at Oliver with contempt. Behind them, Sir James is ordering Duncan and the other staff members to get Oliver off of the property as quickly as possible, but the look in Elspeth's eyes is burning, "this is my family, you monster."

At first, it almost feels worth it to leave Saltburn. To leave the Cattons and their bullshit and their games behind. He thinks he knows them well enough to trust that they don't want the kind of scandal a murder on their hands would be, and for the most part, he's right.

It's not the Cattons who haunt him after Saltburn, though they may be pulling the strings. It's you. It's you sitting on Felix's bed in his dorm room reading every single detail of Michael Gavey's file with threats on your tongue. It's the casual way you talked about being able to access his academic files to change his grades if he wanted. It's you, tipsy at Saltburn, admitting that you got Eddie transferred without his consent to a university on the other side of the country after he cheated on Felix with Venetia.

There's no place for Oliver to return to at Oxford... He's not entirely surprised about that, however, there's also apparently no record of him ever attending. Any calls or enquiries he makes are shut down with the kind of immediacy that seemed reserved for shows about government conspiracies. When applications open for other universities, it seems websites shut down the minute he fills out his damn name. Nowhere in the world seems willing to consider him.

Having him audited seems like overkill. When it happens the next year, despite no employer willing to even consider him for an interview, the existential dread of his situation sets in.

Felix never had the stomach to finish the job; he'd let you haunt Oliver forever.

[mixtape-racha]

YAYYYYYY 100 followersssss :) im so happy for youuuuu :)))))

okay, here is my request... hehe, im suchhh a sucker for hurt comfort and I loveeee fem 9th member au's. but like not smut or like fwb, just like a really juicy story y'know? I haven't been able to find any of those two categories combined tho, especially into like a longer fic, like it's always in the hundreds (I would love it if it was a little longer, no pressure tho :). literally, anything works, from some kinda mess up on stage to maybe you messing up a relationship w a member??? idk. I'm letting ur thoughts run wild here... THANK YOU AND CONGRATSSSS

(im sorry im really vague in requests lol)

YAYYYY THO IM LIKE REALLYYYY PROUD OF YOU<<<3333 LOV U BB KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DOOOO

thank you so much my lovely bae!! ilysm and i hope i did this request justice!! i kind of went off on a tangent and got carried away with the plot waaa &lt;3

---------------

sorry seems to be the hardest word

pairing: ot8 x fem!9th member!reader

warnings: angst, hurt comfort, reader snapping at the members, reader being physically unwell, fluff at the end

words: 2.29k

everything was going wrong today, and you truly meant every. fucking. thing.

somehow, you had managed to turn your alarm off the night before (probably because you fell asleep while on your phone, accidentally calling your mom in you sleep in the process), and none of the guys took the initiative to wake you up when they got up.

okay, sure, you couldn’t blame them entirely. you were a grown woman, and you could look after yourself. but weren’t you supposed to be a team? eight other people surrounding you, and none of them thought to check on you? especially when you were usually up and alert before they were? no, instead they were all out the door without even knocking to see if you were feeling okay. so much for being your brothers and best friends.

so god forbid, you were late this morning. you managed to turn up at the company for your vocal lessons only ten minute late, but it felt awful as you’d never been late before. you were so incredibly lucky to get the opportunity to debut with skz, especially joining the group later in their career and being the only girl. you wanted to do everything perfectly to show that you deserved to be where you were, and with the way today was shaping out you were so disappointed with yourself.

but then - it got worse. you, in your rush to leave the dorms, had forgotten your sheet music, leaving your vocal teacher to be short and snappy with you. yeah, you brought it up on your phone instead, but she was strict, and a firm believer in “good old-fashioned pen and paper over your silly little radio devices nowadays”. her attitude towards you for the remainder of your lesson affected you more than you liked to admit - excusing yourself to the bathroom to have a little cry before you headed to the studio.

for some reason, none of your schedules were properly coordinated today, leaving jisung to be the one in the studio with you - rather than chan, like usual -  while you recorded your lines for the demos to be sent to the company later in the month, when you’d decide the songs for the new album you had upcoming later in the year.

jisung was always the nicest to you, especially when he could tell you were having a rough day - you were both very alike in that sense, very attentive towards each other as if you could tell what the other was feeling. 

however, it seemed today that something had crawled up his ass and died. he was almost as snappy as your vocal teacher, and you were quite frankly sick of it. you kept messing up your lines; whether from the stress or the ache building in your throat (god you hoped you weren’t getting sick), you weren’t sure. but clearly, jisung wouldn’t stand for it.

“honestly, (y/n), you might as well just call it a day and come back to this with chan-hyung another day. i need to get on with other stuff.” he sighed, dismissively, as you bit back the tears fighting to escape your eyes. he wouldn’t even look at you, and your stomach was doing somersaults. was he really that mad? surely he could see how hard you were trying.

but instead of confronting him, you just grabbed your belongings and left after silently agreeing. no one answered your message on the group chat when you asked if anyone was down to get lunch together, even though you could see basically everyone had read it, so you retreated to the canteen alone before you had to go to practice with the boys.

as the ache in your throat spread to your joints, fatigue plaguing you, you trudged up to the practice room for rehearsals with the boys. you were learning a new dance - in fact, the already chosen title track for the new album, and deep down you were dreading it. it was more difficult than you had imagined, and definitely aimed more towards moves the boys could do compared to you. you loved the boys, but sometimes you felt like they forgot that men and women’s bodies worked differently.

surprisingly, you weren’t the last to arrive, squashing your fear of another thing going wrong.

but just as soon as practice began, your fear was reawakened. the ache in your joints was making the dance more difficult for you to execute, and you could feel the annoyance radiating off of minho’s body even if he wouldn’t admit it. you stumbled a few times, almost knocking into felix, who looked at you more frustrated than concerned.

“seriously, (n/n), what’s going on? it’s really not that hard. get your head in the game.”

you huffed, shaking out your limbs and telling minho to start the track again. maybe if you ignored your surroundings, ignored how you were feeling, then things would be easier. you could block out minho’s harsh criticisms - he was probably just tired. you could block out everything, knowing the boys were suffering just as much as you lately. but when the music stopped again, and everyone was talking at you, voice after voice lapping over each other you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“shut the fuck up! shut up, shut up, shut up! give me a fucking break, i’m trying my hardest!”

you honestly didn’t mean to snap, you were just so overwhelmed and couldn’t take anymore. when chan tried to put a comforting hand on your shoulder, you flung it off, all your annoyance and stress from the day building up at once.

“don’t fucking touch me. i don’t need your pity, i don’t need you to tell me that i don’t know how to do my job well enough. this is the fucking worst day of my life and you all keep making it worse!”

every fiber of your being was telling you to stop, to be reasonable, but it was like your mouth was making its own decisions. you couldn’t tell which member it was, but you were interrupting the gentle call of your name before you could even control it.

“and no, before any of you try to be funny, i’m not on my period,” you sneered, anger bubbling under your skin as you saw jisung look away sheepishly. “i’m just sick of feeling like i have to fight to prove i’m good enough, like i’m not one of you guys yet. we’re supposed to be a team, but all day i’ve been pushed to the side and treated like i don’t matter. i’m sick of it!”

you breathed heavily, grabbing your duffle bag from the side of the room and storming towards the door.

“i’m staying with yeji tonight, leave me the fuck alone.”

was all you said before leaving the boys stood in shock, confused as to why you were acting like you hated them.

regrettably, the minute you found yourself in yeji’s dorm and explained your day to her, you knew you were in the wrong. how could you let yourself treat your best friends that way? they didn’t deserve that, and you would be most understanding if they never forgave you. it was only when the throb in your head and ache in your joints became too much that you finally allowed yourself to sleep.

chan’s apology

luckily, you and the boys were granted a week off a while ago, and today marked the first day of that week. however, knowing chris he was probably still hauled up in the studio from the night before. it was around 3am (yeji shouldn’t have let you crash so early, your sleep schedule was going to be manic), so you pulled yourself together before making the decision to go visit him.

he may not even want to see you after your little outburst, but you could still try.

you stopped by the convenience store on your way to the studio, grabbing some snacks and some drinks just to be on the safe side. carefully checking the group chat, you saw that changbin was still in the studio with chan and you hoped you could get there before he left - it might be easier to kill two birds with one stone. you were just glad you bought way too much food for just two people.

you smiled politely, bowing at the security guard as he let you into the building, heart thumping in your ears as you carefully traced the steps to chan’s studio.

when you finally approached the door, you had to take a minute to prepare yourself to knock. you heard chan’s voice mumbling behind the door once you did, nervously waiting until he came and opened it.

he looked surprised to see you, frozen for a moment before quickly ushering you in and sitting you on the couch next to changbin. almost in instinct, changbin’s arm was slung around your shoulder - something he always did when you were close by, relishing in the fact he wasn’t the shortest in the group anymore.

you sheepishly held out the bag containing all the goodies you got at the convenience store to chan, a small smile on your face when he took it.

“got you some snacks.. kind of guessed you might have forgotten to eat.” your voice was quiet, ashamed. you just hoped they wouldn’t hold your outburst against you.

but when chan grinned, you knew he could never be mad at you for long.

“we were worried about you, y’know? that’s why jisung let you go early today - something seemed off and we didn’t want you to get too overwhelmed.” changbin said from next to you, the hand on your shoulder rubbing it comfortingly. 

you couldn’t stop the tears from welling up behind your eyes again, but bit them back in fear they’d think you were looking for sympathy.

“i– i’m so sorry. i’ve just had an awful day, and i feel like shit, but that doesn’t excuse my actions, and i shouldn’t have snapped at you all - you couldn’t have known, and its not your fault.”

you explained why your day had been so bad to them (after some pushing from chan), and how you were feeling physically, causing changbin to look at you with great worry.

they indulged in a small cuddle session, feasting on the snacks you provided while they tried to help cheer you up. and honestly, it worked, just talking through how you were feeling, and gettin constructive feedback rather than just a shoulder to lean on was relieving.

you couldn’t apologize to them more, feeling so ashamed of your actions, but they were quick to reassure you it was okay - everyone had bad days, you were only human after all. you just needed to work on your communication a little bit.

when you finally got ready to head back to the dorm at 5am, you felt better than you had in a long time, actually.

apology numbers one and two: complete.

but when you arrived back at the dorm, head peacefully resting on changbin’s shoulder, what you weren’t expecting to walk into was what you all called a “cuddle pool” - the sofa bed pulled out, covered with pillows and blankets - and a spot waiting for you between felix and seungmin.

your eyes watered at the expectant faces of your soul-brothers, small sobs leaving your lips as your shoulders shook. god, the day had taken a toll on you - you couldn’t remember the last time you cried in front of the boys.

it was only then that minho - who you hadn’t seen standing by the door - scooped you into a hug.

“oh, angel,” he frowned, a hand pressed to your forehead. “you’re burning up. is that why you felt so bad earlier?”

words seemed to fail you, and all you could do was nod as your grip on his sweater tightened. it certainly wouldn’t be the first time you got sick from stress, but you hated being sick. you hated feeling out of control in your own body, and despised being doted on like you were unable. however, this time… you think you could let it slide. you just needed your boys close by right now.

they seemed to enjoy looking after you, and you felt you owed them that after the situation in the practice room.

minho was quick to place on you on the couch, felix and seungmin suffocating you in a bone-crushing hug. jisung handed you the tv remote, saying you could choose to watch whatever you wanted, and that everyone would be having a slumber party in the living room until you felt better.

minho and chan had gone to make you some chicken noodle soup - using felix’s mom’s recipe, which was known for being a lifesaver in your dorm. jeongin was quick to grab you your comfort plushie, taking his place on the floor by your feet - the two of you were 100% keen on physical affection, but having him close by helped.

within merely an hour, all nine of you were curled up, an animated disney movie playing, with soup and mugs of tea being passed around the room. it was nice, and it felt so good to have your boys so close and willing to help you.

you definitely took on changbin’s mention of needing to improve on communication, wanting nothing more than to improve yourself for the little family you had build around you. and yeah you were sick, and they would probably get sick too by being in such close proximity to you, but that was a problem for another day. you’d just return the favor of looking after them.

you just knew you were lucky to have them.

taglist: join taglist here @pretty-racha @chubbyanarkiss @taeriffic @mits-vi @chanssmiles @5kayzee @torixx80 @fawnpeaks @bangtanmix73 @savluvsmingi @boi-bi-ahaha

[cozage]

The Daughter's Return Part 3

Chapter 25: A New Beginning

Start From Beginning | Next Chapter | Table of Contents | Read on AO3

Characters: female reader x Portgas D. Ace Word Count: 1.2k

“It looks better than I expected,” Ace said, inspecting himself in the mirror. 

You ran your fingers down his back as your eyes examined it, causing him to shiver. “Your tattoo is gone.”

“All the better.” He spun around and cupped your cheeks in his hands. “Kind of hard to maintain anonymity if my back was screaming out who I was every time I was shirtless.”

You scowled at his words. “You loved that tattoo.”

“I love you more.” He kissed you then, long and slow. 

He quickly wrapped his arms around your legs and picked you up, causing you to squeal. You had forgotten how strong he was. The past few days he has looked so fragile and weak. But the man who was in the hospital was long gone. His quirky grin and cocky attitude was back. Ace was back.

He kissed you again, more desperate this time. “I’d scrape my freckles off if it meant keeping you safe.”

You giggled, rolling your eyes at his words. “You can’t scrape freckles off, idiot.”

“Fine.” He paused to give you another kiss, slipping his tongue between your lips only for a moment before pulling away. “I’d cut off all my hair, then.”

You gasped, still half dizzy at the way his tongue felt in your mouth again. It had been so long since the two of you had been like this. “Portgas D. Ace you would not! I’ll break up the moment you come home with a bad haircut!”

“So materialistic,” he whispered, pressing his lips against yours. You instantly melted into his touch, causing him to smile against your lips. “And so, so eager.”

“I still haven’t yelled at you for Marineford,” you mumbled into his mouth. “And Alabasta.” 

“You don’t have to,” he said softly, his words brushing against your skin as lightly kissed your jawline. “I think I learned my lesson. No more causing wars.”

“Ace-”

“Shhhhh,” he hushed, his lips dancing along your neck. 

“We’re going to have to talk about it eventually,” you sighed, trying to ignore the heat rising in you. “I’m still mad at you for that.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” he promised softly, dotting your skin in hundreds of soft pecks. “Even if it takes a lifetime, I’ll never stop finding ways to make it up to you. But don’t yell at me quite yet, okay?”

You hummed in acceptance. There would be a time to talk about the pain that was caused from recklessness, and you weren’t entirely faultless either. But now, you wanted to hold him and embrace the man you loved. There was a time and place for everything, and now was the time to-

A quick knock at the door shattered your hope for any further fun between you and Ace. You groaned, but you pulled yourself away from him. “Yes?”

Law’s voice came from the other side of the door. “We’ll be landing at Ontau in an hour. Just wanted to make sure you were ready for departure.”

“All good!” Ace hollered, returning his lips to your neck.

You giggled and tried to pull away from his advancements, but his grip on you was strong. 

“We can do it later,” he mumbled into your skin.

“No,” you pushed off his chest and forced yourself away from his grip, or else he would lure you in again far too easily. “We can do this later. We need to have everything on the top deck by the time we land. We’ve overstayed our welcome on the Heart Pirate’s ship, and you know it.”

Ace groaned again, but he got to work helping you move things. Thankfully, the whole crew was willing to pitch in. All of them were very against you picking up things or carrying too much weight. So you delegated tasks and tried not to feel too useless. 

Two hours later, everything was unloaded onto a wagon, and you were finally on solid ground again. 

“Thank you for everything, Trafalgar Law.” You smiled at him. It was only because of him that you had a future. There were no words to give him that would adequately express your gratitude. “Am I a terrible person if I ask you for one more favor?”

“I’ll look after him,” Law promised with a nod. “We’re heading to Amazon Lily. He’s recovered a lot in the past few days. He’ll wake up.”

You looked past him to the ship, as if you could see the machines working to keep Luffy breathing. “He’ll be devastated and destructive. He’ll-”

“Be fine,” Law finished for you. “He can survive in this world without his brother. He has his own family now. And so do you.”

He handed you an envelope. “Your medical records. You’ll need to find a good doctor and hand this over. I omitted a few things, obviously. Don’t take that bracelet off, no matter what. Promise me.”

“I promise.” You took the envelope and held it close.  “You’re a good doctor, and a good person. Thank-”

“Don’t. Don’t get sentimental on me. I’m your doctor, and now you’ll go find a new one. It’s the end of our acquaintanceship.” He walked back to his ship, and you realized this would probably be the last time you’d ever see him. He would be going off into the world, one of the only pirates in existence that knew you were still alive. 

“Trafalgar, I-”

He paused, but didn’t turn back to you. “Your secret will go to the grave with me. Doctor-patient confidentiality.” He finally glanced back, locking eyes with you for just a moment. “I hope you live a good life, Y/N. You deserve it.”

And then he was gone. A small cloth sack took his place, and you got the feeling it was meant for you. You walked over and opened the top gently, peering inside. 

Money. Thousands of berries. Based on the way they were clumped together, you had to guess it was at least 80,000 berries in this bag. With this plus Marco’s money, you and Ace would live very comfortable lives on this little island. 

And Trafalgar Law said he wasn’t a good person. But you knew differently. At least one person on this earth knew that he was. Even if that person was technically considered to be dead.

A strong, comforting arm wrapped around your shoulder as Ace appeared next to you. “They’re leaving already?”

You simply nodded as you watched Law’s ship depart, still clutching the bag of berries in your hands. 

Ace sighed. “Well, I talked to the village elder and she said that she had a house for us in exchange for protection. There’s a lot of uneasiness on the island after…” He trailed off, trying to find the correct words. 

“After Marineford,” you finished for him, still staring at the horizon. Grief of what you had lost was starting to creep up on you, but you shoved it far, far away. You would deal with those emotions later. You had a life to build. 

“Right,” Ace quickly rushed on. “There’s a little cabin on the outskirts of the village, sitting up on a lookout hill. It’s been abandoned for a while, but it should be a fun project to restore and make our own.”

You finally turned away from the sea and looked toward the man you loved more than anything. There was so much hope plastered across his freckled face, you couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Let’s go see our new home, then.”

Tag list! @taeyoge @teiza @tojislawyer @trafalgardnami @bloopbopsblog @dancingnewcat @dxestyi @flooofity @nyxthedragon01 @deadsnothere @h-rhodes1598  @morgyyyyyyy @trafalgardvivi  @fiestynatureweeb @frogpogjoghurt @beepboopcowboy @ms-portgas @luvyallbabes @appalost @zuchkaa @saybeyonce @stray-npc @kitsunechan707 @theyluvmesblog @heartysworld @aira-needs-sleep  @mothmomjay @ophelias-flowerss @aqualein @sehyojae @fanficwriter5 @forgotten-blues @amberash05 @firefistnoct @depressed-but-make-it-cute @stuckinthewrongworld@lizpoir

[saintship]

Can i request Reader being almost blown up on the mission and their face is almost completely burnt/scarred??😢When they wake up and see their red face covered in bandaids and oils they just break down and decide to wear a mask from now on. And Konig seeing them doesn't know what's going on until he accidentally notice how they pulled up their mask a little to eat. Pleaseee😭 I've hard this idea for days. Can it be with fluff at the end? LOVE YOUR WORK SM

THANK YOU !!

OH MY GOD SAINTSHIP ABOUT FUCKING TIME

this has been ROTTING in my drafts I am so sorry anon, also got a little carried away at the end but nothing spicy just big feels

I really hope you enjoy

I love this idea it’s so fitting for König, I feel he’s very observant given how little he draws attention to himself.

Mask

König x gn!Reader - call sign: Radar

Life around the base could be monotonous. Being in one place usually meant paperwork, meals, paperwork, sparring or group lessons, more paperwork, passing out in your bunk, and doing it all again.

It was different, however, when all of this is happening directly after a loss. And not just losing the fight, but losing many of their soldiers. It was the young men, some no older than 20, losing their lives in the explosions that no one predicted that shook the 141 especially. Their only solace was that they managed to save you.

The air around you was burning hot, flakes of ash floating to singe the gaps of skin they could access. You crawled desperately on your stomach underneath a scorched truck, trying to make your way to the others.

“RADAR, COPY!”

A flaming piece of rubble tumbled next to you, making you jump.

“I’m—I’m on my way..”

“By the east bridge where we came in, you got that?”

Ghosts assuring tone rang faintly in your ears. Finally, you crawled out into a open area, stumbling in the direction of the bridge. The truck there flashed its headlights.

“Move it, private!”

“Yes sir..”

Before you made it a hundred yards, the engine in the car beside you exploded, blasting your body to one side and scalding the right side of your face in flames.

“RADAR!”

Your head smacked the dirt, and the world around you blurred until it was dark.

“Wrap their face!”

“Bampots, these fucks are.”

Soap’s voice cut through the fog that seemed to fill your ears.

“Speak—english.” Your rough voice caught the attention of the truck you lay in, Gaz quickly finishing up wrapping your face. He left as much room as he could, but all that showed in the end was your left eye and mouth.

“Lass..” Soap ignored your taunt, moving to kneel at your side.

“Hi.” Your voice sounded unlike yourself.

Soap’s attention was suddenly pulled to the back of the truck as it rolled to a stop. He darted to swing them open, revealing a few members of Las Almas.

“We’re understaffed on medics, but Rudy’s got basic medical training from boot.” Price explained. “Are you stayin’ awake okay?”

You nodded, the movement stinging your face and scalp, but as he said those words it was like he’d called it—the interior of the truck was dotting quickly in dark spots. Rudy’s gloved hand touching your shoulder was all you felt, and you slipped under again.

This time, it wasn’t voices that woke you. It was the incessant beeping of a heart rate monitor at your side. They’d brought you to the med unit on base—you were home. After taking in the sterile room, your head fell back against the pillow again, exhausted. Fresh gauze plastered most of your face, but the skin underneath felt dry. You needed a change.

Carefully setting down the fingertip pulse monitor on the bedside table, you guided your IV stand over to the mirror and sink, sifting through the drawers for gauze and burn ointment. After retrieving the right tools, you hesitate before removing your wraps. Your good eye seemed as though the color had dulled—the dark circles underneath especially prominent. Your lips were slathered in ointment, but the damage was evident. Breathing deeply, you began to unwrap the gauze. Your eyes remained trained on the sink until the last piece fell into the basin, only then lifting your eyes to the mirror.

No. No, no..

The right half was—gone. It was hard to describe; the skin that had been there before was rendered to an angry scarlet. The tissue pulled and tightened oddly, your right eye missing it’s eyelashes and eyebrow. A sob ripped from your throat involuntarily. Your face contorting from the crying caused pain to tear through your head while your tears stung the affected areas. You hardly registered a nurse coming in, leading you to lie back down, and re-wrapping your head through your protest. One sentiment rang clear through your breaking down;

You could not show this face anymore.

Which brought you to now. Sitting alone, hunched up in the corner of the cafeteria, quickly lifting your balaclava only to put food in your mouth before covering it just as quickly. It had only been a few days—the others knew to leave you be. The 141 sat in a group not far from you, one of them sneaking a glance every so often. You seemed to shrink into yourself, as though you could disappear if you cowered enough.

König wandered into the cafeteria not long after you’d sat down, sitting by himself to eat. You felt a little creepy people watching, knowing you resembled a certain intimidating member of the task force, but found nothing better to do.

König rid of his tray after eating quickly, going over to the 141 after Soap cheerfully called him over. You smiled at his inclusiveness, which deepened when König pointed to himself curiously. Even though smiling pulled at the tender muscle, you didn’t care.

König was pulled into a seat by Soap’s arm, the sight of such a smaller man strong-arming him rather ridiculous.

“Leave him be, Christ, Johnny.” Price picked at his tray, shaking his head at the soldier.

“I’m being friendly, sir.” Soap defended himself, relieving König of his arm.

“Friendliest in the military, aye?” Ghost murmured, lifting his mask to drink out of his canteen.

“Pride myself on it.”

“You’re diggin’ your grave, mate.” Gaz grinned.

“Oi, you-"

“Moving on!” Price grunted, to which Soap sat back and sulked at his refusal to let him argue.

“That was impressive the other day, König. Pulling a truck together and findin’ someone to treat Radar? You saved their life.”

König studied the grain of the tabletop, heat rising up his neck. “Danke. I still don’t know—what happened? They still look..scared.” König snuck a glance at you. Your fleeting eyes and hunched shoulders made his heart break. Seeing someone so determined, so welcoming, so gracious and funny and kind, reduced to a frightened animal—it didn’t make sense.

Price sighed, his eyes carrying the same weight König held in his chest.

“Their face..it got pretty fucked up. It won’t impact their daily living too much, and I’ve seen worse, but it obviously got to them.”

Soap fiddled with the screw top of his canteen. “Really got to them.”

König casted one last look and caught sight of your charred skin, everything clicking into place. You thought you needed to hide.

“I hope they get through it.” König murmured.

“For their sake.”

Because they’re so nice to be around.

König watched you a bit again at dinner, catching more of your facial scars. He wished he had the words to speak to you, but his boots seemed to cement to the linoleum at the thought of approaching.

“You got a crush, eh?” Soap’s sudden presence beside König startled him, studying Soap’s smug half-smile with confusion.

“Crush?” He repeated the new English word. “What is that? What am I crushing?”

“No-" Soap grinned, sitting up straight. “You have a crush. Means you like someone. In that way? König, do I need to explain-"

“No—no, no, I understand now.” König’s face burned; he was grateful it was largely hidden. “I don’t, though, I-"

Soap’s face morphed into one of ‘don’t even try.’

“It’s..” König huffed, lowering his voice. “I’m their colonel.”

“Eh, not really. Different clubs n’ all.” He pointed briefly to Radar. “They’re a keeper. And sweet, too. Don’t stamp this out, mate.” With a clap to König’s shoulder, he stood to join his task force as the mess hall cooks called an end to the meal. König nearly jogged to his quarters, his thoughts racing.

Sitting at the edge of your cot, you removed your balaclava for the first time in nearly 18 hours. The fresh air soothed the irritation caused by trapped sweat and fabric, a sigh escaping your nose.

You made you way to the mirror and sink, studying the damage as you did every chance you got. It wasn’t as angry as the day you got hurt, but the scarring would be permanent. You turned away before more tears could slip by, gently folding the cloth mask.

A rapping on your door made you jump, striding over quickly while wrestling with the mask to go back over your head. You opened the door cautiously, revealing a tall silhouette.

“Hello.”

“Hi, König..” you scanned the hall, not completely sure what it was you were searching for.

“Can I—come in? If that’s alright, it’s okay if-"

“Sure.” You left the door to sway of its own volition, turning to sit on your cot and look up at your coworker. “What’s going on?”

König closed the door gently, fidgeting with his hands. “I’ve—noticed something about you.”

Your shoulders deflate. “No shit.”

You didn’t mean to bite your words that way, but you did, and he shrunk a bit at your tone.

“I apologize. I will leave you be-"

“No, König,” you sighed, frustrated with yourself. “Say what you were going to say.”

He paused, as if a step in any direction would set off an alarm. “May I?” He gestured to the space beside you, to which you nodded.

The cot bowed slightly as he sat, his height still a bit intimidating even after some time knowing him. Being right next to him, you couldn’t help but feel a little small. He looked at his lap, wrestling with his mind on how to start the conversation.

“Where did you get your callsign from?” He blurted the question, briefly turning his head to you.

You paused, not expecting his casual inquiry. “Uh..when we did training in the dark, in boot camp, I could always feel someone coming up behind me.” You gestured to your back before clasping your hands back together. “My sergeant would tell me I had a built-in motion radar,” you laughed a bit at the memory, finding the courage to smile a bit under your mask. “Gaz had met me by then, and he started calling me by Radar, and it stuck.”

König blinked thoughtfully, humming in understanding.

“That’s not the reason you came in, is it?” You teased, leaning to push his side a bit. You noticed he let himself sway instead of remaining rigid.

“You got me. Uh..I just wanted to tell you something that I thought you could..consider.”

Biting back another deflective joke, you nodded, letting him continue.

“There was never a time in the military that I did not have my sniper hood.” He studied his boots, which still easily sat flat on the floor. “Not just because of my—aspiration, but.." he inhaled, then sighed deeply.

You could tell he’d never spoken these words. The impulse to touch some part of him, to comfort him, was blinding. Only his voice brought you back into the moment.

“It was..is, because I hate to see myself. I hate being seen. It feels like I’m giving away a part of myself to every stranger I come across. I would rather choose who sees me, in more ways than one.”

His voice was no more than a murmur, and for the first time, you saw the broken man nestled in a soldier’s body before you. His head hung low, his hands shook, and in the silence after his confession, his eyes fluttered shut. To hide from what, you didn’t know.

“I need you to know," he spoke, eyes still closed. “You don’t have to live this way. You are..kind, and resilient. And..” he turned his head away to utter the final word, a whisper in the dim light.

“And beautiful.”

“König..”

“I shouldn’t have come here.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry..” he stood abruptly, shaking the cot. Watching him head for the door, you refused to let yourself lose him.

“Wait.”

You ripped off what covered your face, your hair falling into place in its wake. König stared, entranced.

“I’m glad you came here. I don’t want you to go, I don’t..” it was your turn to sigh in pause. “I don’t want you to hide from me.”

König blinked, confusion gathering in his eyes.

“Please?”

“Liebling..” he breathed. He crossed the room in a few strides, taking your scarred cheek in his hand.

Anxiety held you in place, your hands finding purchase in the gaps of his vest and his sweater.

“You deserve to walk out of this room and not feel afraid.”

“König..”

And then his hands were over his head, pulling up his beloved sniper hood over and off of his head. You didn’t move, your only physical reaction being the blush that burned its way up your neck.

His eye paint made him look intimidating, but his eyes were far from threatening anyone. His lips, scarred from combat, parted slightly with bated breath. On the skin not painted with black, freckles dotted randomly, forming triangles, lines, and other shapes you wanted to memorize. His brow worried into a slight upturn, which was hidden ever so slightly by the hair that dropped near his eyes. The rest of it was a mess, a rich auburn that stuck up and settled down in all the right places.

“You’ve got to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” The words tumbled out before you could catch them by the tail. Fear clogged your throat in the moments where he didn’t respond before he leaned down quickly, pressing his lips gently to yours. It was devoted and kind, a kiss that said I don’t just love you, I like you.

When he pulled back, both his hands were still settled on your cheeks, the heat of his palms making you dizzy.

“Thank you..” you breathed.

König grinned sideways, and you nearly fainted.

“For what?”

“Not leaving.”

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 758: The senpai's few words

Pag 2

1: Aoyagi-san!!

Pag 3

1: Wha- what happened, Danchiku, you stopped so suddenly

2: Why is he here, in Kyushu!?

What is it, what is it

4: He's probably the person I'd want to see the most right now!!

5: What is it, is there someone in the audience area?

Someone you know? You look so surprised

I wouldn't be so surprised even if someone was there

Pag 4

2: He-hello!! You... you came to... cheer us on!?

3: It's been a while, Danchiku

4: Yes.... yes!!

Thank you so much for coming so far to see us!!

5: You got bigger

Pag 5

2: Thank you so much

3: Uhm, actually

There's something I'd like to talk to you about, is that....

4: Aoyagi-saaaan!!

-okay!?

Pag 6

1: What, for real!?

What, are you really here- amaaazing!!

Oi, Issa, I was....

2: Wait... did you just made Aoyagi-san lose consciousness with your tackle!?

3: Aoyagi-saaan!! Hahahaha!!

You're attacking him when he's already down...!!

4: I'm... o... okay...

No, he keeps pausing while talking!!

Hahaha

5: I'll lead you to our tent!! Carry him, Danchiku!!

'Carry him'....

Pag 7

2: Thank you

2: I wished you had told me you'd come though, Aoyagi!!

You forgot to add “san”, Kabuagi

3: There was something... I wanted to talk to you about but

4: I guess it can't be helped....

(You're ending up yielding again, Danchiku)

5: Ah right

6: Aoyagi-san is

Pag 8

1: A member of last year's team!!

He's the column who supported Sohoku from below last year!!

2: Someone who gained experience through hard work and difficulties and debuted in his third year, ran as a sprinter, pulled the team, and brought back the members so many times

3: Without talking, without refusing, he just did it silently!!

5: Even when he was in a pinch, when he was injured, he moved forward with all his might without ever standing out!!

If he hadn't been there, there's no way Sohoku could have won!!

Pag 9

1: He-he sounds amazing, teh

Right!! I'm really flashy, so his way of running is probably the exact opposite of mine

2: Hearing it again, he really is an amazing person.....

and I also know well what happened with his leg on the third day

4: If I was in the same position and got injured.... would I be able to run the same way?

5: “He'll run away right away”

“He's a chicken”

Pag 10

1: In this Inter High that is about to start

Pag 11

1: Since Aoyagi-san came to see us, I'll smash the starting dash!

There's no need to smash, run calmly

2: Should I get subbed out?

I'm still in time

4: “No one will blame you”

“I can be done in fifteen minutes”

5: I'm at my peak now!!

Save it for the race

6: You're an idiot as usual

I'll forgive everything you say, Aoyagi-san!!

7: What can I do, what......

Nothing....!!

Pag 12

1: The stage event is starting soon

Last year's champions, Sohoku High School, representative of Chiba, please come to the stage

Kakaka, it's our turn!!

2: Teh.... I'm nervous, the

There's gonna be tons of spectators!!

3: Do-do we take a video? I'll do it, Sugimoto-san

I'll leave it to you then. I'll finish up here

4: Su-

Sugimoto-san!!

6: Ao.... yagi-san.....

Pag 13

1: Could you do me one favor?

2: Ah- yes!

Do you want something to eat!! Right away!!

3: The food truck is there... is curry alright?

4: …. no

5: A band-aid!? A nail-clipper!?

Leave it to me, after all I worked a lot behind-the-scene last year

6: Oi, Danchiku, what are you doing. Let's go

8: Ye.... yes

Pag 14

1: Take care of that idiot

Pag 15

3: The Inter High is harsh and long

But he's reckless and can't read the air

5: You, on the other hand

6: You always keep an eye on your surroundings and pay attention to what people say and do

And that means

Pag 16

1: That you can make an accurate judgment of risk in any situation

3: The ability to read small details when you're in a pinch is essential in road racing

4: Earlier in the midst of more than a hundred people in the audience area, you

Pag 17

1: found me at one glance

4: I think you know this too, but he can only look ahead

Please support him, take a step back and, as always

5: be watchful

Pag 18

2: Yessir!! Thank you so much!!

4: “Take a step back”.....!! Taking a step back.... yielding, are my...

5: If this small heart is my ability

Pag 19

2: then I'll be the one running, Issa!!

Together with you!!

At full throttle!!

Pag 20

1: Run, Danchiku

Just like I did last year

2: with Junta

3: I'm sure your feelings will give you strength

These are the members of Sohoku, the Chiba prefecture representative who won the championship last year

Pag 21

1: So far they have won two times in a row

3: What's wrong.... your balloon... shall I get it for you?

Pag 22

2: Thank you, Onii-chan

3: That's surprising, Midosuji-san

You're so kind

4: Puku.... I am kind, though?

To

5: anyone who doesn't wear a number bib, that is!!

[ysmtttty]

Red Ferrari

Chapter 10

Summary: Azris AU, where Azriel is a mechanic and has his own service station. One day, Eris comes there because something is wrong with his car

AO3 link Chapter 9 Chapter 11

Flipping through the emails in his phone, Eris waited for Azriel to return with their ordered coffee, which the courier should have brought, judging by his GPS in the delivery app.

Surprisingly, Morrigan still hadn't contacted him, maybe she was still searching for a new lawyer. Eris wasn't sure, but he suspected that most people were now cautious about becoming her attorney, since dealing with her had proven to be a doomed endeavor, and many had come to realize this even more.

Now that he and Azriel had seemingly cleared everything up and he had earned forgiveness, the realization of the problem with Keir hit him hard. According to the terms, Eris had to ensure that his father would agree to support whatever conditions were part of their deal, the details of which he hadn't been allowed to fully grasp over the years.

There were many problems with this, but the main one was that he really didn’t want to deal with Beron, especially over someone like Keir with his threats. Eris would have loved to tell both of them to go to hell and leave the country. Maybe start over somewhere where they wouldn't find him. But his loved ones were still here, and Beron definitely wouldn’t hesitate to threaten him through his mother. Keir, even more so.

And yet, he would have to call his father, maybe even persuade him. Eris hated such situations, always trying to avoid them entirely. A couple of times, Beron had been threatened through him, and it had turned out very badly for those daring idiots. However, something told Eris that this time it wouldn’t be so simple.

Why the hell did Beron even agree to this wedding scheme, which hardly promised him much profit?

Eris stared at the phone screen for a long time, his finger hovering over the call button. He didn’t want to hear that voice, didn’t want to let Beron know he needed his help—even if calling it help was a stretch considering that without dear old dad, Eris wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place—and he absolutely didn’t want Beron to know that Keir had threatened his life. Again—nothing good could come from that other than a bloody mess.

Still, he treated this conversation like ripping off a band-aid—the faster, the better.

One ring, two, five. Maybe he shouldn’t have called in the morning. Who knows, the old bastard might’ve decided to sleep in, after all, given his age…

"Eris?" came a gruff voice. Eris just gripped the phone tighter, reminding himself that his father was hundreds of kilometers away.

"Father," he greeted as politely as possible. "I'm calling about business."

Beron might have been disappointed in him if he had called just to ask how things were going.

"Speak," Beron said, getting straight to the point.

"Keir wants to be sure that you will uphold your end of the deal after my divorce from Morrigan," Eris explained bluntly, lacking the strength or desire to play mind games or figure out how to word it more softly or advantageously. This was also the first time he had confidently informed his father that he would definitely be getting a divorce. The divorce was now a fact.

"And what am I supposed to do with the information about his desires?"

Eris rolled his eyes. Of course, why make life easier with a simple “okay, son, I got it,” when he could continue acting like a self-proclaimed jerk.

"Confirm that you’re in."

"And why do you think I’m in?" A pause, during which Eris reminded himself that he had bought this phone two weeks ago and throwing it against the wall now would be stupid. Especially considering what happened the last time he went a whole day without a phone. "What did Keir do?"

"He kindly delivered that message," Eris replied sarcastically.

"Eris," Beron’s voice carried a warning. Eris thanked all the gods that this man wasn’t in the same room with him right now, because otherwise, this would have been unbearable. "I’ll get in touch with him."

And he hung up.

Eris still didn’t know if he felt relief or irritation, but at least it was something. At least now he didn’t have to worry about getting killed somewhere in an alley or, again, in his own parking lot.

He wondered where Azriel was with the coffee. Reluctantly, he got up from the bed, put on some lounge pants, and went to look for his mechanic.

"Finally!" a voice greeted him, belonging to someone who wasn’t Azriel at all. "You really do look terrible."

Eris glanced at Lucien, who was lounging on his couch with a cup of coffee that suspiciously resembled the one they had ordered from the nearby café.

"What are you doing here?" Eris asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You didn’t know he was coming?" Azriel asked, leaning against the wall. Eris looked at him and raised a questioning eyebrow when he saw that Azriel was wearing his robe. Not that he minded. "I grabbed the first thing I saw when he came in," Azriel nodded toward Lucien.

"I wish I could unsee that," Eris’s younger brother shook his head.

"A question for both of you," Eris looked at his brother, "what the hell are you doing here?" then at Azriel, "and why did you open the door without putting anything on?"

Azriel shrugged. "I was going to throw on a robe, but I didn’t have time before he opened the door—he had keys."

"It doesn’t matter," Lucien interrupted. "I wanted to say that you’re coming with me and Jurian to your house in the countryside. And I suspect it’s a brotherly bond that made me feel so strongly that you’d been beaten up here."

"I’m fine, thanks for the concern. Why do you have my coffee, and why are you making decisions about my country house?"

"Because I conveniently ran into your courier, who asked me to unlock the elevator for him, and when I found out the floor, I said I’d deliver it myself," Lucien shamelessly drank one of the coffees. Azriel held out the other to Eris in silence, who gratefully took it, took a few sips, and handed it back. "Nice that you two made up, very happy for you. But this wasn’t how I wanted to find out about it."

"Knock next time," Azriel advised.

"Put on some pants next time," Lucien retorted.

"The house, Lucien," Eris reminded him of his earlier question.

"You clearly needed to relax. I thought I’d turn this into a bachelor party to cheer you up and distract you from... well, now it doesn’t matter," he glanced at Azriel, who was watching all of this with barely concealed amusement. "But now I can tell Jurian that he can bring Vassa, and I’ll bring Elain, because, Azriel, wouldn’t you like to join us for a weekend in the countryside? Alcohol and food on my generous brother."

"Go to hell," said Eris.

"How convenient that I have no weekend plans," Azriel smiled. Eris shot him a withering look.

"Great," Lucien clapped his hands and stood up. "I’d stay and ask you about this," he circled his finger around Eris’s face, "but I won’t linger here any longer."

"Disappear before I demand the keys back," Eris shook his head.

"I’ll send the details later!" Lucien shouted as he quickly exited the apartment.

As soon as the door closed, Azriel burst out laughing. Eris groaned, clearly not thrilled with his younger brother’s sudden visit.

"You have a house in the countryside?" Azriel asked.

"Yeah, and at least five apartments around the city that I don’t use," Eris waved it off, heading to the kitchen to brew some tea. Damn, he forgot to buy coffee beans for the machine a few days ago. "Didn’t think you were a nature fan."

"I was kindly invited," Azriel smiled, approaching him from behind and hugging his waist, his nose buried in Eris’s neck as Eris tried to make tea. "Besides, your younger brother is funny. But how did you end up in his circle of friends? You seem like you’re from different age groups."

"Mutual acquaintances," Eris sighed, enjoying the small kisses Azriel left on his skin. "Jurian was initially my client, back when I was just starting out, and few people trusted me with their business. He trusted me. He hired me as his lawyer for several years, and very often, so we somehow became friends. And he is dating Vassa, Lucien’s friend and his girlfriend’s."

He turned around and kissed Azriel on the lips, who ran his hands over Eris’s chest with the same almost irritating caution as yesterday. Eris couldn’t get upset because normal people don’t usually get mad at their partner for caring about them.

"I forgot to ask yesterday, are we dating?" Eris asked.

"Yes, we’re dating," Azriel nodded and kissed him again.

Azriel left closer to noon after Eris received the fifth message in the tenants' chat about the concern over a smashed Volvo being left in their parking lot.

The rest of the day Eris spent working, wanting to finish everything in advance so he wouldn’t be distracted tomorrow, since they were apparently going with Lucien and his squad of friends. It was strange. But not the strangest thing happening in his life right now, so he could turn a blind eye and think, "shit happens."

A couple of document filings, a trip to the office to sign some papers, and waving off questions about the bruises. Eris expertly lied, saying he had taken up boxing in his spare time to relieve stress. No one suspected a lie since many people in his position did the same.

After what happened yesterday, Eris was twice as cautious in his movements. He constantly looked around, but the feeling of being watched had vanished. Eris now trusted his intuition twice as much, but since no danger was felt—or possibly it seemed like it because of his overwhelming exhaustion from all this chaos—he decided to allow himself to relax a little.

It might have been ideal to spend some time away from the city. It wouldn't provide a miracle of salvation, but it would allow him to mentally exhale and regain strength. Far from the bustle, stress, and divorce.

His lawyer wrote to him saying he had sent Morrigan another copy of the property division agreement. Eris replied that she wasn't in a position to represent herself at the moment and asked him to focus on more pressing matters, not wanting to waste one of his firm's best employees on this nightmare.

By the evening, Lucien sent him a picture from the store with a full cart of food, drinks, bags of charcoal, and more, with the price for all this luxury added below. He also mentioned that he and his friends had chipped in, and Eris just needed to pay for his share.

Knowing these idiots, Eris didn’t need to be a genius to realize they probably hadn’t even paid for half of it. Nonetheless, he sent the money. Better now for them than later regretting it being spent on Morrigan’s designer clothes if she takes what she wanted.

His father hadn’t reached out again. It both scared and relieved him at the same time. Eris wasn’t sure yet whether he wanted to hear "you can rest easy, Keir won’t bother you" because, on the one hand, he wanted it to be true, but on the other, it might mean Keir was lying in a ditch somewhere.

Late in the evening, Eris returned to his empty apartment, loosened his tie, and sighed heavily. These had been crazy days, and his body still ached from all the bruises, while fatigue continued to weigh him down. He only had enough energy to drink some coffee—thankfully, he had finally found the time to buy it at the store—and pass out because caffeine had somehow stopped keeping him awake. The problem might have been the non-stop hours of work, but Eris refused to believe that. It hadn't been such a big issue before, so why should it be now?

The next morning, his younger brother and friends, along with Azriel, burst into his apartment. Why the hell they all gathered this early and at his place was unclear. Eris seriously considered taking Lucien's keys because he preferred to start his morning with coffee, not a meeting with a bunch of students and Jurian. He had no complaints about Azriel’s presence.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Jurian said, and despite Eris’s protests, gave him a tight hug. Eris wrinkled his nose, pretending not to enjoy the moment at all, while Azriel silently laughed at him from the hallway.

They were all dressed similarly today—sweatpants, hoodies, and jackets. Azriel in a leather jacket was a sight for sore eyes, and Eris wished they were alone so he could say that out loud.

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” Eris awkwardly patted Jurian’s back, and only then did he let go, smiling cheerfully.

“Lucien said you got into a fight. Didn’t think you could even do that. Back in the day, you should’ve at least hired people to take revenge,” Jurian noted, eyeing his bruises as if he had studied medicine enough to make any conclusions. Jurian had dropped out of medical school after the first year, so his medical knowledge was about the same as the average person’s—close to zero. Eris just waved him off, along with the very valid comment about hiring people.

“No questions about my face,” Eris shook his head. “I’m fine.”

“Clearly,” Vassa remarked sarcastically. Eris just rolled his eyes and ignored her.

He and Vassa were on friendly terms. Every time Jurian invited him out for a drink, it ended with him calling her to pick Jurian up. In the early years, they were all still very young—Eris had just graduated, and Jurian had three citizenships and two restraining orders, which later required legal services. In celebration, he’d always bring out Cuban cigars—genuinely brought from Cuba—and order expensive drinks, back when Eris didn’t know he’d be the one paying at the end of the night.

In short, they had a wild youth, which Vassa didn’t like. Of course, over time she got used to Eris and realized that since he and Jurian were such good friends, she’d have to put up with him. A couple of years ago, Eris didn’t make that task easier for her, continuing to be an arrogant bastard and treating everyone outside his close circle like dirt—or so it seemed to most. Eris himself thought he didn’t treat people that way, and never had—he simply didn’t care enough to treat anyone poorly. Vassa strongly disagreed.

“Get out of the apartment,” Eris gestured, waving them towards the door. Lucien rolled his eyes and muttered about how Eris wasn’t a morning person, but he took his girlfriend by the arm and led her into the hallway. Jurian slowly followed with Vassa.

Azriel stayed behind, closing the door after them and smirking.

“Nice jacket,” Eris noted, running his hand up Azriel’s arm to his shoulder.

“You look good too. Sometimes I forget you own anything besides your suffocating suits and dozens of ties,” Azriel remarked sarcastically.

“It’s called style, but I doubt someone who wears dirty overalls and tank tops could understand.”

For that comment, he earned a quiet laugh and an eye roll.

“Are you still sure you want to go?” Eris asked, looking at him with exaggerated exhaustion. “We can still ditch them and stay here together.”

“Jurian and Lucien have been bragging the whole time about how great they are at grilling meat, and forgive me, but I’d sell my soul for good meat,” Azriel smiled so simply that it made Eris want to scream. Why did someone like him have to fall into his life?

“I can order the best restaurant steak if it’ll make you ditch these idiots and stay here with me,” Eris said, stepping closer. Azriel kissed him quickly, still smiling.

“And they also mentioned you have dogs, and I’d love to see them too.”

“Did they tell you that Jurian will be telling pirate-style stories? Or that those two lovebirds will be playing guitars and singing serenades? Or about the swarms of mosquitoes? Those are serious oversights,” Eris shook his head, but Azriel just laughed.

“I have experience enduring serenades, trust me,” he replied, kissing Eris again. Eris returned the kiss, burying his hand in Azriel’s hair and pulling him closer. “The rest is tolerable. Let’s go. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this group in a few minutes, it’s that they’re impatient.”

Eris groaned internally but quickly grabbed what he needed and followed Azriel. They opened the door just as Jurian raised his fist, ready to bang on it. Giving him a judgmental look, Eris led them to the parking lot.

As it turned out, Azriel had come in his car, and since they couldn’t all fit into one, Eris and he drove together while the other four rode in Vassa’s car. It was quite a long drive, as it was an isolated spot far from the city.

“I still think they won’t be offended if we turn around without warning,” Eris muttered, watching Vassa’s car overtake them, speeding ahead over the bumps.

“I don’t think you’re that against it,” Azriel laughed. “You’re just being dramatic. Besides, your younger brother is right—you need to unwind. As do I.”

The rest of the way, they drove with the radio on and didn’t talk much. Azriel hummed along to the songs, while Eris, like the lovesick idiot he was, listened intently, pretending not to pay attention, though he very much did.

When they arrived, Azriel’s eyes widened in disbelief. They were greeted by a huge three-story house with a tall fence and grounds at least three times the size of any other house around.

“You know, when I heard ‘country house,’ I was expecting, well, you know, a little cottage, something between a house and a shack. But definitely not this.”

Eris just laughed as he got out of the car to open the massive gates and let Azriel drive in and park. Loud barking, Jurian’s swearing, and female laughter immediately reached them.

As soon as Azriel got out of the car and heard it, he frowned a little and followed Eris. When they reached the source of the sound, they saw Jurian surrounded by six dogs, barking actively at him. But the moment they sensed Eris and heard his whistle, their attention shifted, and the whole pack ran toward him.

The aggressive barking turned into a happy one as several dogs stood on their hind legs, jumping on him and wagging their tails. Azriel watched all this with fascination and pleasant surprise because seeing Eris like this was rare. Sure, he made him laugh sometimes, definitely made him smile, but this joy on his face was something special. Different and utterly unique.

One of the dogs did eventually notice Azriel, and he saw how Lucien tensed up, already taking a few steps toward him, clearly intending to intervene if the dog turned aggressive toward the stranger. However, the dog simply leaned its front paws on Azriel’s torso and gave a happy bark. Azriel stroked the furry head and smirked as he looked up at the shocked faces of everyone around. Even Eris seemed surprised.

"Unbelievable!" Jurian exclaimed indignantly. "I’ve been coming here for years, bringing them the best food, and they still hate me. But he shows up, and they’re practically kissing him—" At that moment, the dog licked Azriel’s face, causing him to grimace and laugh. "Yep, even kissing him! This is just absurd!"

Jurian continued ranting about the unfairness of the world, while Azriel petted the friendly, large dog. Soon, other furry friends joined him.

“I’m starting to feel a bit jealous,” Eris quietly remarked, so only Azriel could hear.

“Of whom exactly?” Azriel asked with a grin, looking up at Eris while the dogs happily swarmed him. “Me or them?”

“Take a guess,” Eris grumbled. “Astra, come here,” he called one of the dogs, and although she seemed reluctant to leave Azriel’s side, she eventually went to him. Eris petted her, scratching behind her ear, which made her tail wag even more energetically. “My most unfriendly hound,” he said. “Once bit Jurian so badly he had to go to the hospital for stitches. I’ve never seen her be this nice to a stranger.”

Azriel realized Astra was the first dog that had taken an interest in him. Eris’s words puzzled him a bit, but also filled him with a sense of pride and satisfaction.

“Good girl,” Eris praised Astra as she followed one of his commands. He whistled, and the other dogs also left Azriel alone, giving him some peace.

“Who takes care of them while you’re in the city?” Azriel asked as they walked toward the kennel, with the dogs obediently following Eris.

“I have people for that,” Eris shrugged. “They’ve been looking after my dogs since I was a kid, so I pay them to keep doing it now. I don’t get to come here often, so they live in the guest house on the property. Of course, we always let them know if we’re coming, and they usually leave for that time.”

“Isn’t it sad to leave them for so long?”

“It’s not like I’m crying without them,” Eris scoffed, though when he turned to look at his loyal companions, something soft flickered in his gaze. “But I used to be here more often. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll quit and move here for good.”

Azriel couldn’t help but imagine it. He and Eris in this country house—Azriel tinkering with his motorcycle in the garage for the thousandth time, while Eris wandered around the property grumbling about the dogs trampling the flowerbeds, only to later pretend he didn’t enjoy playing with them.

Damn. That was too far, too reckless to imagine their future like that. If they weren’t already outside, Azriel would’ve needed to step out for some fresh air.

“You okay?” Eris asked, apparently noticing the change in his expression. “I hope you’re not allergic to dogs to the point where you’ll die, because the hospital’s far, and I’d rather not have to bury a body in the backyard.”

“How sweet of you to think of me,” Azriel replied sarcastically. “How often do you bury bodies back there?”

“More often than I’d like,” Eris smirked, playing along.

Astra barked happily again, nuzzling her nose into Azriel’s palm.

“Someone’s being extra affectionate today,” Eris noted.

“You really are jealous,” Azriel teased. Eris only rolled his eyes and shook his head.

While they were playing with the dogs, the others moved the groceries from the car into the house. Elain and Vassa busied themselves in the kitchen, preparing salads and snacks, while Lucien and Jurian rummaged through the garage, looking for the grill and dragging it outside.

Azriel, in the meantime, tried to remember the names of the hounds and learn to tell them apart.

“I swear, these three are identical,” he muttered. While some of the dogs were distinguishable by unique spots on their fur or ear shapes, three hounds looked absolutely identical.

“You’ll learn to tell them apart by their behavior,” Eris calmly responded, petting one of the identical hounds.

“How did you choose their names?” Azriel asked out of curiosity, tossing a ball he found on the property for the dogs to chase. “Astra, Ember, Lyra, those make sense. But Stormbringer?”

“I was fourteen,” Eris shrugged. “He’s the oldest of them all—I named the others when I was a bit older. But back then, I wanted a dramatic, cool name. And look at this rascal,” a soft smile touched his lips as he scratched behind the ear of the coal-black hound. “He’s totally a Stormbringer.”

Azriel chuckled, reaching out to scratch Stormbringer’s ears as well. The dog leaned into his touch, eyes closing in contentment. “I guess he does look like a Stormbringer,” Azriel admitted, watching the hound’s calm demeanor.

Eris gave a soft laugh, almost nostalgic. “He was a bit of a terror when he was younger. Used to chew up anything he could find—furniture, shoes, you name it. But he’s mellowed out a lot. Still, the name stuck.”

“Was he your first dog?”

“No, there were others,” Eris replied quietly. “I’ve had dogs for as long as I can remember. Originally, they belonged to my mother, but once she noticed how much I loved them, we somehow convinced my father to keep them all. Growing up with them… it was hard to lose them.”

Azriel placed a hand on his shoulder, then moved it to his cheek. Eris leaned into the touch.

“Sorry, this was supposed to be a lighthearted conversation, no depressing stuff,” Eris muttered, closing his eyes as if mentally scolding himself for the somber turn.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Azriel said softly.

“At some point, the hounds were the only ones around,” Eris glanced at the dogs playing on the lawn, chasing the ball and trying to steal it from one another. “So it hit harder when they were gone.”

Azriel didn’t press further, and Eris didn’t continue, instead grabbing Azriel’s hand and kissing his knuckles.

Later, they helped Elain and Vassa carry the food outside, setting the table in one of the three gazebos scattered around the yard. Lucien and Jurian were still standing by the grill, now handling the meat and arguing about whether to add more coals or leave them as they were, in fear of burning everything.

Eris’s hounds ran around Jurian, barking at him, and Azriel suspected they just enjoyed scaring him. They seemed to do it with some kind of amusement, and Eris watched with the same amusement, making no move to call them off, allowing the dogs to torment Jurian to the brink of a nervous breakdown.

“They’re going to bite him,” Vassa shook her head. Elain watched the dogs curiously—Eris’s hounds never seemed to bother her either. But Eris had simply remarked that Elain was like a Disney princess, with a magical connection to animals, which is why they left her alone. Lucien had long complained that dogs hadn’t accepted even him right away but once they saw Elain, they all suddenly became so cuddly and soft.

“Only if he deserves it,” Eris replied, turning away from Jurian to glance at his phone. A few emails still awaited his response.

“You know they don’t need a reason,” Vassa continued.

“They need a reason. So, if Jurian wants to keep his limbs intact, he’ll just avoid teasing them like last time,” Eris grinned sarcastically. Azriel suppressed a laugh.

He watched the exchange with a faint smile on his face, noting how the dynamic between them all seemed so easy and natural. It was a rare sight to see Eris so relaxed, even playful, as he teased Vassa and kept a watchful eye on his dogs. The whole scene felt almost like a family gathering, where everyone had their roles to play, even if some involved scaring poor Jurian half to death.

"Eris, please," Vassa said with a playful reproach, though a hint of concern crept into her voice. Meanwhile Elain arranged vegetables on plates, occasionally glancing toward the guys as if to make sure the dogs weren’t bothering Lucien.

“It’s fine,” Eris said, not looking up from his phone, waving a hand dismissively. “It’s weird for him to be scared of dogs at his age. He’s a big boy; he’ll manage. Until there’s another fire, I’m not calling the dogs off.”

“Another fire?” Azriel asked with curiosity and amusement. Elain giggled in response.

“It’s almost a yearly tradition,” she explained. “Don’t tell them, but we keep track of how often it’s Lucien’s fault versus Jurian’s.”

“Don’t forget, you’re part of that competition too,” Vassa smirked, handing a plate of snacks to Azriel, who eagerly took it and, for some reason, served both himself and Eris, who wasn’t paying attention while typing something on his phone.

Azriel raised an eyebrow at Vassa’s words. Elain shrugged lightly. “There was that one time the oven malfunctioned, and the brownies caught fire. Hardly a real fire.”

The four of them turned again toward Jurian’s outraged shouts as he cursed Eris for not calming down his monsters. Eris pretended not to hear, while Vassa shook her head, Elain giggled quietly behind her hand, and Azriel and Lucien watched with open amusement as Jurian flailed his arms, trying to defend himself.

“They’re just playing,” Lucien said through laughter, but Jurian flipped him off, told him to fuck off, and continued to ward off the fluffy beasts.

The dogs eventually tired of their game with Jurian and settled down near the table, clearly content to be around their human companions. Azriel bent down and petted one of the hounds, who responded to the affection by nuzzling her nose into his hand, as if asking for more.

“Why don’t you scold Azriel for spoiling your dogs?” Vassa teased with a smirk.

Eris glanced from Azriel to the dogs, then to her, shrugging. Elain whispered something to Vassa about double standards as she knelt down to scratch one of the dogs behind the ear.

“I don’t understand why I trust my ass to you,” Jurian grumbled as he returned to the table, sitting next to Vassa while Lucien stayed by the grill. “You can’t even save me when I need it most.”

“Funny, I thought you knew I save asses for money,” Eris replied with a smirk.

As Jurian continued to curse at him and the hounds barked from their spots, clearly unhappy with the insults directed at their master, Azriel stood up and walked over to Lucien, intending to help him now that Jurian had left.

Not that keeping an eye on the meat was a monumental task, but it always felt right when more than one person was in charge of it. Lucien chuckled as he watched Jurian try not to hide behind Vassa whenever Eris’s dogs barked at him, and he looked at his girlfriend with a special tenderness as she shooed the dogs away from Jurian, even though she was laughing the whole time.

“Thanks for coming,” Lucien suddenly said, surprising Azriel as he turned to face him. “Eris hasn’t gone anywhere with us for a long time, and lately, he’s been more of a bastard-lawyer than himself.”

“Are you implying this cliché that I bring out the best in him?” Azriel asked with a teasing smile.

“Oh no, he’s still a bastard, even with you around,” Lucien laughed. “But… as cliché as it sounds, he’s happier now. Even if it’s not immediately obvious through all the sarcasm and snark. There’s a subtle difference you have to know to notice.”

“I’m glad,” Azriel said quietly, his smile softening as he glanced over at Eris. “Really glad.”

“I’d love to play the protective sibling and say something like ‘don’t hurt my brother,’ but I doubt I could ever top the speech Nesta gave me when she found out I was dating her middle sister,” Lucien shook his head, and Azriel chuckled.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur of food, drinks, and stories about everything under the sun, especially since Azriel was the new face in the group, and Jurian and Lucien were particularly eager to tell him as much as possible in one night.

As morning approached, the group started to trickle back into the house, leaving Azriel and Eris as the last ones outside. Eris had fallen asleep, resting his head on Azriel’s shoulder, and Azriel remained because he was trapped—two hounds lay at his feet, snoring peacefully, while another lay on the bench beside him, with her head resting on his lap. And then there was Eris, who had dozed off against him.

The task of extracting himself without waking anyone turned into a bit of a challenge, taking Azriel longer than expected to figure out how to manage it. Eris eventually stirred, mumbling something incoherent. But it was impossible to take his drunken, sleepy grumbling seriously, so Azriel just smiled and helped him inside.

“Left door to the right,” Eris muttered.

“I don’t think that’s useful information,” Azriel remarked, realizing there couldn’t possibly be a left door on the right.

“Smartass.”

Laughing quietly, Azriel found an empty bedroom and decided to stay there as well. Not that he was keen on wandering around the dark house in search of another room. Plus, the prospect of staying with Eris was far more appealing. So, after undressing and settling under the blanket, Azriel comfortably wrapped his arms around Eris from behind, pressing his nose into the crook of his neck and inhaling the scent of alcohol, charcoal, and that now-familiar cologne.

tag list: @sizzlingstarlightsky @isnotwhatyourethinking @molcat07 @chairofchaos @lilah-asteria

[griefabyss69]

steddie rated m or e 😈

not gonna be picky but maybe something inspired by this line: “you would forget your underwear”

Mostly because I believe in my heart that you could write something devastatingly sexy about something so very silly. Congrats on 100 followers!!!

Hiiiii~ this is probably still more silly than sexy but they're like, horny about it <3 So I hope you still enjoy!!! Steddie - Rated: M - 1121 Words

(Full thing under the cut!)

contains: One terrible moment of wordplay and Steve pushing Eddie's buttons (sexy)

"Listen," Eddie begins as he turns his back, hands at his waistband. "I know you've got jock socialization, but maybe close your eyes or something."

Steve hears that, and sure, of course he'll do whatever makes him comfortable – but they've changed in front of each other like a hundred times by now. He could literally go out and buy the exact same brand and size of boxers that Eddie wears if he wanted, if wasn't Sunday and the stores weren't closed.

"Alright," he says, turning his back too for added security. "You wearing something lacy tonight?"

It's a joke.

It's only a joke, but Steve thinks if Eddie said yes then he wouldn't be walking out of this room until his jaw was sore and he owed Eddie a new pair of lace underpants.

It gets a reedy laugh out of him though, makes the awkward air between them a little tense in another way, but sadly Eddie squashes his hopes and dreams before he can get too carried away brainstorming how to convince Eddie in a totally no pressure way that he should let Steve put his mouth on his cock.

"Nah, I uh," Eddie laughs, shaky. "There's just… nothing."

Nothing.

Well, that's a hell of a lot sexier than his boxers, that's for fucking sure.

Steve bites his lip, nods in encouragement before he remembers they're not even facing each other, and puts a smile on his face so it comes through in his voice–

"You would forget your underwear," he says, maybe overkill on the teasing but he practically hears the sizzle of Eddie's blush from here. "You get distracted by a sick guitar riff while getting dressed?"

Eddie groans, and it sounds like he finally bites the bullet, his belt clinking as he works his pants off.

The zipper, the denim brushing against itself, against all of Eddie's bare skin, that's a sound that would get Steve to skip his briefs in the morning.

He'd skip everything else too.

"No, you asshole," he says, but he's got a chuckle in his voice and there's the soft rustle of him pulling a pair of Steve's sweats on. "Just a super-duper miscalculated laundry day."

"Ohhh, I see. You got lazy at the wrong time," he continues to tease, and once he's sure Eddie's not all balls-out, he turns to gauge how red he's made him.

It's not as red as he knows he can get, and he seems tense in a specific way, like that time he got a major hard on in the middle of movie night and nothing he did would get rid of it. Steve still thinks about when he had to jerk off in the upstairs bathroom on slow days at work.

"Hey, I'm usually really good at laundry!" Eddie says, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Uh huh," Steve says, just to be a bitch, even though he believes him, doesn't really care about it either way. "Maybe you didn't forget at all."

Eddie scoffs, kicks at his leg.

"I literally just said I didn't forget. I ran out, and didn't think you'd want my dirty underwear in your bed."

Well… he's right about that.

"So thoughtful of you," he says as dryly as possible. "Do you think it would be sexier if you wore lace in those jeans, or was today sexy enough for you?"

He narrows in on the crimson spilling over his skin like someone tipped over a paint bucket, the way his mouth opens a little bit in shock, the way his eyebrows furrow at him with a hunted look.

Steve could hunt him for real, sink his teeth right in, with how crazy it makes him.

"You talk like that in the locker room, Harrington?" Eddie asks, shifting restlessly, and – okay.

Steve's distracted from the last name thing because Eddie's cock swings when he moves, clearly starting to get hard, totally free under the sweatpants.

"Never," he says, eyes locked in, unable to even pretend he's not pushing like a million buttons right now and hoping nothing blows up in his face. "Answer the question."

"Jesus," Eddie mutters, rubbing his hand over his face. "Are you having fun with this?"

Steve looks up long enough to meet his eyes and give him the most sincere nod he can muster up.

"You're the worst," Eddie laughs, gathering his hair up to get it off of his hot neck, before he lets it all drop in a sweep, way too graceful for the condition it's in. "And… I think they'd be two different kinds of sexy, you can't really make them compete."

It's such an unexpected answer and it also makes so much sense. It's like Eddie's thought about it before, and isn't that something.

"So it was sexy? How long were you free balling?" He asks, taking a step closer just to see what Eddie does.

"All day," Eddie's voice doesn't really crack, but it fries, and Steve wants to push right up against him to see what else he can get it to do. "It was… too uh… I just felt kind of exposed."

God.

"Well, if you still feel like that, you can always borrow some shorts," he says, because while he's riding the line, he wants Eddie to have the option to step back behind it. "Or is it different since you're just in my house?"

Eddie blinks rapidly as if he's building a shield with his eyelashes, making some lightspeed decisions that Steve guesses he'll never hear about.

"I'm okay," he says, shifting from one foot to the other in such a subtle movement that if Steve wasn't studying him then he wouldn't notice the purpose of it. "Also these are a lot softer than my jeans."

Steve laughs, even as he watches the outline of Eddie's shaft twitch. He's getting a little harder.

"Your poor cock," he says, drawing up all of his strength so he doesn't offer to soothe it with his mouth. "It needs to get used to it, huh?"

Eddie's mouth does a wry twist, his eyebrows furrowed like he's perplexed, but there's something brewing in his skull that Steve knows he's going to pretend to hate.

"What, like commando training?" He asks, and Steve bites his lip.

That's actually kind of clever. All of Eddie's worst puns are, because that's how they get stuck in Steve's head.

"You're fucking terrible," he sighs, just to give him the reaction he wants.

Eddie beams.

"Nah, I'm incredible," he says, sarcastically flipping his hair in a way that he used to do to make fun of Steve.

Now he just does it all the time like, ironically, or so he says.

"Incredibly terrible, yes."

[harrietwritesstuff]

No 8 for Volena, no 12 FOR MAKS/VOVA ♡

Hope these are okay x

"Can't you understand why that hurts me?" (Volena)

It hangs between them; this unspoken knowledge - that his love is not for her alone and entire. He looks out of the window, leaning against the glass and she watches as his eyes flicker closed and he exhales; the lamplight caressing his face with the forlorn grace of a departing lover. The dark circles below his eyes melt into the gloom until he is more shadow than light.

There’s no anger in her now like there once was - it has burned away, leaving just grief - for him, for both of them - for the life they now have, the one she did not ask for.

“Can’t you understand?” Her voice is gentle, but she does not reach out to him; does not know what she would do if she did, if she’d hit him, or hold him. “Why it hurts me?”

Of course he understands. He understands so many things now that he did not before; the cost of each minute of freedom - paid for in blood.

‘Yes.”

“Then why do you–”

“My duty is to Ukraine.”

“You are hers, whole and entire. You have been for so long. I understand that. But what about me? Your wife?”

“I love you.”

“It’s not enough.” She hates the way her voice breaks against his steadfastness, his silent implicit reasoning that she beats her fists blindly against; the unsaid words - that he is Ukraine’s now, not hers. That he would give his last breath, his last moments to Ukraine - be they somewhere at the front, or somewhere else entirely, because it is his duty.

“It’s not enough because  it won’t stop you going out there, without anything other than sheer blind faith that you’ll make it back. What do I do if you don’t? Do you understand me? Vova? Do you understand? Why every time you go out to the front it’s like someone has torn half my soul away and left it outside my body-”

It spills from her now, an unceasing flood - the agony that she refused to show because; he’d seen enough, too much - he did not need her pain as well, but it has grown too large to carry alone. The silence says far more than any words could. He turns away from the window and looks at her steadily.

“They need to know I am with them.”

His people. He’d do anything for them.

But what about her?

“But - don’t you understand?- afterward,  after all this.. I need you. I need you here with me. You have to promise me that at least. I won’t ask you to neglect your duty. I won’t ask you to love me more. Just, promise me you’ll be here. That we’ll grow old together..”

“I promise.”

It sounds like the truth- she tells herself that at least. His eyes are dark, and his voice is hoarse now, tired.

She wonders what their future will look like, and feels the loss engulf her.

2. "Don't touch me!" (Maks/Vova)

Maksym reaches out to place a hand lightly on Vova’s tight, hunched shoulders, desperate to  ease something of the incessant tension within him; to get some sort of reaction that isn’t this nothingness - this silence that has stretched on too far now. Volodymyr’s dark eyes are on him now, entirely unblinking - an endless chasm.

“You’re safe, it’s alright. We’ve eradicated th-” 

“Don’t touch me!” it comes out as a snarl, something bitter, far angrier than Maksym has ever  seen him. His face in the glow of the fluorescent lighting is pale and tired looking, almost grey. Maks moves his hand away as though he’s been scalded and takes several steps back to the  other side of the table. His whole self yearns to reach out, to hold on, to push away this one grief amongst hundreds that has cut far deeper than he had anticipated,  but he can’t. Not this time. This is his fault. He has to make it right some other way.

“They got too close. Unacceptable-” Volodymyr’s words are tight, punctuated by a hardly concealed rage that drags through him, leaving every muscle taut, every nerve on red-alert, the wound inside him bleeds. His breathing is harsh, staccato and it gives way to a sudden accusation.

“You are supposed to protect me.”

The accusation lands at Maksym’s feet - the unsaid; you are not doing your job; they got too close this time. In the silence, he considers the charge, inspects it until he sees what it really is, beneath the insistent buzz of the too-bright lights in the situation room, behind the anger, the grief, the exhaustion.

A plea.

You are supposed to protect me. My life is in your hands. Tell me that you at least, that you value it, value me somehow; if not for my work then something else - enough not to hurt me. Please.

Tell me I can trust you.

He watches as Vova’s hands fold around the back of a chair, his knuckles white, the muscles and tendons in his forearms straining. His features are pinched, his jaw clenched.   

“I- I know.”

[film-in-my-soul]

Dirty Words | 10,207 | morningberries / @morningberriesao3

Summary: Steve gives Eddie a lesson on dirty talk, but things start to get carried away.

Cassiopeia, Orion, Bootes | 10,780 | AidaRonan / @aidaronan

Summary: When Steve finds the flyer for Bayou Bobby's midnight swamp tours, he's excited to finally get the opportunity to do something interesting on his work trip to New Orleans. Until he finds out he's human bait for something that lives in the swamp. Something with claws and scales and eyes that glow red in the moonlight.

if you wanna be my lover (you gotta be my friend) | 10,909 | hopewithfeathers

Summary: Eddie is so unused to being this fucking messed up over one specific person, and it’s driving him absolutely crazy. The fact that it’s Steve fucking Harrington doesn’t make it any better, and even though Eddie knows him now and he’s a good guy (the best guy, actually), it doesn’t help that Steve is probably, one hundred percent not interested.

Bad Timing | 11,071 | Anonymous

Summary: Steve's just trying to keep them all alive. He's stuck in the Upside Down, he's been attacked by flying demon bats and this is turning out to be a really terrible week. He's ignoring the aching in his body and the fever he seems to be developing because getting out of the hell dimension really seems like a more pressing matter. Except it's not just his injuries he's been ignoring. The stress has brought his heat on months early and being surrounded by Eddie Munson's scent is not making things better. Thanks to everything else going on, he doesn't notice until it's too late.

thirty days | 11,570 | Adure / @toburnup

Summary: "Okay, you should probably leave,” Eddie says quietly, hand slipping underneath the blanket. His other hand reaches for the remote and he pauses the movie. “Why?” “‘Cause I’m going to jerk off.” Steve's mouth is dry. His body is heavy. “I don’t want to go.” “Fine." Eddie leans his head back against the wall, reveals the column of his throat. "Stay.”

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Summary: Steve wasn’t really all that surprised to find himself here. He had never seen a gloryhole before. He’d chalked them up to a horny teenager’s pot at the end of the rainbow. Fantasy, and nothing else. A fat old man couldn’t squeeze down a chimney, and a guy couldn’t get his dick sucked in a public bathroom. But here it was, a small circular hole cut into the side of two adjacent stalls, as real and as terrifying as it could be. What surprised Steve about tonight was that he wasn't sticking his dick through the hole. Instead, he found himself sitting on his heels in front of it, hands wringing anxiously in his lap as he licked his lips and waited for someone to shuffle into the other stall.

In My Boxers, Half Stoned | 12,338 | Eddywow

Summary: "You can," Eddie said, almost sounding like he was nodding along to his words. The image was too pure for Steve. "You could say anything you want to me and I'd- I think I'd be into it. Because I saw your pics and like, I know your face isn't in them but- but I really like them. Is it okay that I liked them?"

An Accidental Flogging | 12,965 | ArtaxLivs / @artaxlivs

Summary: Steve is just staring at him, looking at Eddie over his shoulder. Eyes wide, mouth open in a perfect O. The ring of the smack Eddie just delivered on his perfect, beautiful ass still resonating in the empty kitchen.

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Swipe Right | 13,759 | aaliona / @bifuriouswaterbender

Summary: Eddie Munson knew how to take a profile picture, Steve decided right then. The angle was from straight on, but Eddie had his head tilted to the side, somehow managing to give big doe eyes at the viewer as his long hair fell around him. His sleeves were pushed up, showing off tattoos on both arms that he was subtly flexing. Steve had heard a lot about Eddie and didn’t even know which of it to believe. But hey, perhaps this was his chance to find out. At very least, Munson seemed like the kind of guy to know what he was doing. Taking a deep breath, Steve swiped right.

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Summary: The wrong feeling pitches and dives toward nausea again. Steve folds in half, eyes squeezed shut. The room spins, and his skin goes clammy. Behind the rush of white noise in his ears, he thinks he hears Eddie’s voice, calling to him, saying his name. There’s a soft pressure on his back that moves up to the back of his neck, and— Gone. Everything’s fine. He feels fine. He feels good, even. Eddie has a hand on the back of his neck and one clutching his forearm. Eddie looks frantic, eyes wide, a sheen of sweat on his face and stray damp curls stuck there. Steve’s gaze is drawn to his mouth, taut and worried and always in motion. He wants to lick into it.

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Summary: Steve pulls up to just outside the garage door, then cuts the engine. He turns in his seat. “Eddie.” He startles, a visibly painful jerk, and his eyes snap to Steve. Steve meets them steadily, trying to project calm. Eddie’s gaze do linger on him for a moment, before he looks around. The house towers above them, dark and empty. Eddie frowns, plainly confused, then glances to Steve and- Realization dawns, then it’s quickly followed by anger and… hurt? The first quickly eclipses the latter, and Eddie flings open the car door. “See you around, I guess, Harrington,” he spits, beginning to limp away. Steve is so startled that it takes him a moment to get his bearings. “Hey!” he calls, scrambling out of the car. “Hey! Where are you going?! You can barely even walk!” “Home,” Eddie snaps. “And I’m walking because apparently I’m the only one who doesn’t deserve a fucking ride.” “Oh, for the love of-,” Steve mutters, then runs the couple of hobbled steps that Eddie has managed to put between them, grabbing his arm to spin him around. “Your home is half portal, idiot,” Steve says. “You’re staying with me.”

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Summary: Hawkins Indiana, January 1985 The moment the basketball players walked into the gym, all hell broke loose.  Curses were spat. Teenagers whispered in scandalized tones as their nikes squeaked over the polished wood floor. Prayers were chanted. Somewhere across town, a baby probably cried. Eddie Munson grinned. 

the affliction of the feeling | 27,203 | nondz (pinkjook)

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for your eyes only (i'll show you my heart) | 32,068 | strawberryspence / @strawberryspence

Summary: “Damn you, Harrington.” Eddie shakes his head, looking back at the box again. He can see Robin looking at him, but Eddie avoids looking at her. He didn’t want to answer questions about his damn crush on Steve freaking Harrington and how he keeps getting more perfect by the minute. Eddie needs him to stop, like literally right now. “Oh my god,” Dustin screams, making Eddie look at him from across the room. Eddie finds him staring at someone, so he follows his line of sight and finds one Steve Harrington, yeah, that one, the one he just asked a second ago to stop being perfect? Yeah, that guy is standing at the bottom of the stairs with a crumpled box in his hands and is wearing glasses. Steve Harrington just exceeded perfect.

off the beaten path | 34,208 | pukner

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Summary: Fuck, Eddie has been here before. The deja vu was bad enough but this is like, double, this is like deja deja vu or deja vu vu or something, this is unprecedented shit here. And Eddie knows what comes next, knows like the roiling ache in his stomach that they’re going to go in, go though the portal and into the Upside fucking Down and didn’t they already do this?

Master Reclist · Personal Masterlist · Blog Nav.

[spikezonebby]

Okay, okay I wanna see what you come up with for this song. “Sew My Name” by Josh Pike (the live version at the Sydney Opera House is the best version in my opinion).

GN!Reader x TFA!Ratchet with a dash (or more than a dash) of cathartic angst.

Sew My Name - TFA!Ratchet/GN!Human!Reader

Word count: 1,667

You liked to leave your mark wherever you went.

For as long as Ratchet had known you, you loved to leave something of yourself behind. You thought it important that the universe knew you existed in some capacity. You carried a knife around in your back pocket so you could carve your name into tree bark. One evening, you had asked him to show you how to sew. You wanted to know, so you could sew things into the collars of your clothes.

Ratchet always thought clothes were kind of a strange human invention. What good was armor that didn’t protect anything? Winter clothes, that was a different story. Humans had less-than-stellar temperature regulation so it made sense that you needed that.

Didn’t stop you from shoving your hands into the warm mesh just under his chassis whenever you got chilly, though.

If Ratchet had had any idea how much he’d miss the little things you did, he would have savored it longer. Been a bit more hesitant to pluck you off of him, or tried to close the distance between you a little more. 

Bumblebee was lucky, the little scrap. He was lucky because his favorite organic was actually a techno-organic and would live a long, long life alongside him. For Ratchet, it seemed like with every visit back to Earth from Cybertron, there was less of you to go around. 

Then one day, there wasn’t any of you left.

You passed away on a seemingly innocuous Tuesday evening and he didn’t even hear about it until the next time he came to Earth to check up on Sari. She broke the news to him, and he wasn’t even sure if he felt sad or not. Perhaps he’d been mourning all this time in preparation for the news, knowing how short organic lives were. He knew what he did feel though.

He was angry. Angry, raging, pissed off beyond belief that you could put so much of yourself into the universe, only for it to not even blink or grimace in your absence. He wanted to drag Primus himself down by his audials and give him what for.

“Doc-bot, I didn’t even think you were that close with them.” Sari said, setting a hand– or were they servos now? He still wasn’t sure with her unique anatomy— on the back of his calf.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I was their primary doctor! Not only that but they were a part of the team, weren’t they?”

Sari didn’t really have an answer for him, she wasn’t really looking at him even when he turns to face her. After the battle with Megatron and his copies of Omega Supreme, things changed. It was largely for the better, with Team Prime being accepted as heroes. Prowl’s death, though noble, shocked all of them to their cores. It’s been decades since then and Sari had gone from a teen to an upstanding young femme, struggling with her father’s own slowly decaying mind. Ratchet hated to say it but he always figured Issac would go before you, not out live you.

It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair. 

“What happened? I thought humans could live to be over a hundred years old.”

“I don’t know.” Sari admits, “I wasn’t really close with them. It just… got hard to talk to them, ya know?”

Ratchet hadn’t thought about that before. Sari, with her unique nature, may very well be the only person capable of understanding both the human and the Cybertronian angle of time. It made sense that Sari would slowly become unable to relate to you, a fully organic human being, the older you got…

It made him wish he’d spent more time talking with you. 

“They did want me to give you something though, Ratchet.” Sari speaks up after a tense moment. 

Sari had always been a girl that packed light, but Ratchet had entirely overlooked the bag she’d been holding. It was just a plastic bag but the real mystery was the parcel held within. Something small and light, bound up with a red ribbon. Sari sets it in his open servo and immediately he’s drawn to the softness of it. 

It’s fabric, whatever it is. You were known to be a purveyor of various hobbies, it isn’t strange to think you might have gotten into fashion before your passing. Last he’d heard, you had taken to raising these insects called ladybugs. And before that, you had had an infatuation with sailing and the early history of your planet’s nautical culture. 

He should have seen the signs of you slowing down way, way before this.

He unwraps the gift, revealing the folded fabric. A long strip of soft and silky material carefully hand embroidered with delicate gold. It reminded him of a thin scarf. On the very end, he finds his name stitched into it by hand. There’s the taste of something bittersweet on his glossa then, knowing he taught you how to do this. You kept up with it all these years later.

“Oh! I know what that is!” Sari chirps, and in an instant, her jet pack pops free from her back and boosts her up onto the medic’s shoulders. On her way up she snags the fabric from his grip, and with practiced ease, balances herself just behind his helm. She wasn’t as small as she used to be but still small enough. 

“What on Cybertron are you doing?” 

“Gimme a sec here!”

And a second is all she needs, because she loops the fabric around his neck cables and starts folding and twisting. Then, turns it around on him so the delicate puff of fabric is on the front of his chassis, hanging down and standing out as a stark, bright shock of color against his white paint. Like an ascot or a necktie or some other name for the vast many types of cravats there were on Earth.

“Guess they didn’t think you looked spiffy enough, Doc.”

The established base had tons of reflective surfaces, so one of them, a monitor, made a good enough mirror for Ratchet to adjust his new tie a bit. It was pretty, like Sari said, spitty, on him. He appraises himself, turning this way and that.

“Huh, not something I woulda gotten myself.”

“Pfft. That’s probably why they got it for you.”

“I didn’t think I was gone from Earth for that long for them just to… vanish like that.”

Sari shifts so she’s resting her arms and chin atop Ratchet’s head, legs throne over either of his shoulders and hoping her weight and her presence are soothing to the old medic. She squishes her cheek into the top of his helm.

“I don’t think anyone actually has a schedule for when they plan to kick the bucket. It just… happens. They probably wanted to give it to you in person but just ran out of time.”

Ratchet could picture it. You, old and greyed and still insisting they ride around on his shoulder while he talks about all of the numbskulls back at headquarters. Then they poke his cheek and tell him to stop being so grumpy, and give him their gift.

“Hey, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t wanna but…” Sari’s big blue eyes find his face in the monitor’s reflection, scrutinizing his expression for any minute detail. “Did you like them?”

“Of course I liked them. Why else would I put up with them? I like you, don’t I?”

“Awww, you do?” She flicks the unbroken point of his chevron, “Cute but that’s not what I meant. I meant like-like.”

“Oh, you mean like you and Bumblebee?”

Sari sputters and gives him a quick bop on the helm, “Yeah, yeah sure! If you need an example.”

“Honestly, Sari?” Ratchet begins, rubbing the golden seam of the tie between his fingers, “I…I don’t know. Cybertronians live so much longer than any organic life. It stands to reason that we fall in love slower too.”

“But that isn’t a ‘no.’”

“You’re right, it’s not. It’s not a ‘yes’ either. I guess, maybe, I could have if there was just more time.”

Sari doesn’t respond to that, not verbally anyways. She drums her fingers atop his helm, then he feels her squeeze him a bit tighter.

“I’m sorry.”

“And I’m Ratchet.”

That gets a snicker out of Sari. She pats the top of his helm and then he can see her in the monitor as she jerks her thumb back behind her.

“Bee wants to go grab some highgrade if you wanna join us.”

“Who’s ‘us?’”

“Me, Bee, Bulk, Jazz, and hopefully you. Optimus is still busy– Because when is he not– but he promised to call us all tonight.”

“What’s the occasion?”

“Does there have to be? All my old friends are finally together so, why wouldn’t I wanna hang out with them all? Don’t have to have a reason besides just saying you miss someone.”

Sari always was the glue of the team. Her and Bee, friends against all odds. Young bots that just loved one another and loved all of the people around them, even if they could be a little annoying.

“Yeah, I don’t gotta head back to Cybertron for a while yet. Might as well show off their gift, right? And hope Bulkhead doesn’t spill highgrade on me.”

“Aw yeah! That’s the spirit!” Sari pumps her fists, then bounces on his shoulders, “Giddy up, let’s goooo!”

That gets a laugh out of Ratchet. Yeah, it was probably better that he spent some time with friends anyways. You would have wanted to if everyone was in the city at the same time. Even if he didn’t like to have a drink himself, he’d drink to you. To your memory.

So that the universe knew that you really had your name stitched onto his very spark. That there was some piece of you that couldn’t be erased. He wouldn’t let it be erased.