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recurring-polynya · 11 months ago

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Writing/Art Update 3.5.2024

So, Polynya, did you finish the fanfic? Well...sort of? No. No, I guess the answer is actually no.

Last week, I said I had two and a half scenes left, one of which was the epilogue, and one scene I wanted to rewrite. I wrote the scene and a half that were not the epilogue, and then I tried to do that scene re-write. It came out better than it was, but I still didn't love it. I figured I would just go ahead and write the epilogue and then maybe come back and try again. 3/4 of the epilogue went great, and then I just couldn't manage to end it, and got stuck for three days. I went back and tried to re-write that scene I didn't like *again*, and barely got into before realizing that the way I was hoping to make it better did not, in fact. Yesterday, after Much Struggle, I managed to pull together an end to epilogue with is...okay...but I don't love it. So the current state of things is: 107,408 words, and it is strictly speaking, A Whole-ass Fanfic, but with two half-scenes that I hate.

It's really frustrating, because I had a bunch of productive weeks in a row, and my brain has just utterly collapsed on me in the eleventh hour. I've been trying so hard to push it over the finish line, but it's one of those things where I can't just brute force it, I need to somehow have a good idea. I am also so so tired this week. I know, logically, that probably I just need to relax and rest up for a few days and this will be easy to fix when I am feeling better, but it's hard to relax when I have this stupid almost-but-not-quite-done fanfic hanging over my head.

Here are some other stupid facts:

The scenes in question are important and I want them to be good, but they aren't exactly load-bearing, in the sense that nothing else depends on them

I don't even *need* the epilogue, and in fact, after I realized that I end all my Heart is a Muscle fics with people drinking (not on purpose, I'm just unoriginal), it made me want to drop the whole thing on principle (except that I also don't because it's sort of a thematic lead-in to the next story in the series and also Ukitake is there)

The two problem scenes are way at the end of the fanfic. When I do start posting this thing, I plan to post one chapter per week like I often do, meaning that I have literal months to fix these

Chapter 1 is beta'd and ready to go and literally nothing is stopping me from posting it this very second

BUT I don't want to post Chapter 1 until my beta has seen the whole fic because what if she notices something in Chapter 12 that needs to be fixed back in Chapter 1

AND literally nothing is stopping me from just sending my beta the last few chapters with a little note on the scenes I'm not happy with. It's highly possible she might have some ideas! Or just be like "you are insane these are fine"!

EXCEPT I don't want her to see my bad writing that I am embarrassed about

And so, here we are. I am probably going to give it another day or two, and if I can't manage to fix those two scenes, I'll just suck it up and send the rest to her.

I guess I also should re-do the banner, except I don't feel like re-doing the banner. It's....okay. I don't know. I just kind of slapped it together based on a thing we were doing at Art Club. Maybe I don't even want a banner.

Speaking of Art Club, it's March now, which meant there was a new theme at Art Club (nature) and I decided to try to get back into my daily drawing. I think this is possibly what killed my momentum on my fanfic. I am just literally only capable of having one priority at a time, even if it's a little tiny one, otherwise my brain just plays tug of war with my priorities and it's hard to manage either of them.

Anyway, I've been in kinda rough shape for the last few days, but I am sure it will pass. It's got some good bits, but I think I just never really managed to fall in love with this one, and I'm really worried about it getting a cooler reception than I'm used to, since the fandom seems to have quieted down significantly since the last time I posted one of these. On the other hand, I've worked too hard on this to not post it. Also, it's got some stuff in it that had to happen for the series to progress. And maybe other people will like it! Who knows! Not me!!

I had hoped to be able to start posting it this week, but that's not looking likely at this point, so I guess you can have another preview.

--- from Ch 3

"You really didn't have to go to all this trouble," Rukia pointed out, as she methodically piled her bowl with a heaping serving of everything on offer.

Renji grabbed a big pinch of the shirasu before passing it over to her. "It's fine. I'm not sure when I'll be up for cooking again, so I'm trying to clean out my fridge."

"Oh, so I'm helping?"

Renji grinned. "Sure."

"I love helping! If you need me to take this pickled ginger with me, I could take it off your hands."

"I think the pickles will probably keep for a bit."

"Hmmph," Rukia replied skeptically, and scooped some more into her bowl.

It was always difficult not to just sit and watch Rukia eat, in part because she truly did have an extraordinary talent for shoveling food into her mouth, but mostly because it reminded Renji of why they had come to the Seireitei in the first place, of how lucky he was these days. You have to go to work, too, this morning, he reminded himself, and dug in.

"You know, speaking of helping…" Rukia said a few minutes later, once she'd managed to eat enough to shave the edge of her morning ravenousness. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

The pleasant feelings in Renji's chest abruptly turned cold and gloppy. He frowned, and raised one eyebrow skeptically. “Yeah?”

Rukia looked up at him with her big, stupidly blue eyes. “Do you remember when we talked about how important it was for you to have a comfortable and peaceful recovery from your surgery?”

“I do. I distinctly remember asking you to drop it and not bring it up, again, actually.”

“Right, well, I never actually agreed to that. I think that you should come stay at my house.”

Renji gave her an incredulous look. “Your house? Kuchiki Manor, you mean? Your house that is actually my captain’s house?”

“It’s very nice there, as you know. The food really is very good and we have a million servants with nothing better to do--”

“I am sure they have better things to do, Rukia.”

“--and you can sit in a sunny spot in the garden and I’ll read you books and it will be so much nicer than staying in the Coordinated Relief Station!”

Renji heaved a huge, exasperated sigh. “It’s a nice idea, Rukia, but think about the look on Captain’s face if you even--”

“He said it was okay.”

Renji felt all the blood run out of his face, possibly out of his body entirely. “You asked him?”

“I know you’re only getting it done because he ordered you to. He obviously wants you to do your best to heal up well. He cares about you, too, you know, in his own way.”

Renji stiffened, his fingers tightening on his chopsticks. “You probably told him the whole story, then? How I broke my arm in the first place?” His voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away.

“Not the whole thing!" Rukia shook her head vehemently. "He knows you broke it saving me, that's the only important part.”

Renji drew in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. All he could focus on was the sound of his own blood pounding in his ears. “Why do you always have to do this?” he finally managed through gritted teeth. “I asked you to just leave it, but you never can.”

Rukia shoved out her lower lip. “Maybe if you took care of yourself half as well as you take care of everyone else, I would!” she protested. “Just let me spoil you for a few days, would it be so terrible?”

“Yes.”

#writing update #art update #here's hoping that posting all this will expel it from my system and i can turn around the fix my stupid bad scenes

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coffeebanana · 1 year ago

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20 questions for Fic Writers

Omg it took me ages to get to this but better late than never! Thanks for the tags @rosie-b, @monpetitchattriste, @lesbitorte, @kasienda and @celestialtitania!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Um. 107*... It's possible that I have a problem 😂

(*one is on anon. more on that later adfdsd)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

801,972!!! (fun fact i was just below 800k the first time i got tagged in this game so i was like "oh well i'm posting a new chapter tomorrow...i'll do this game after that so i can pass that milestone!" and then i posted the chapter but it took me close to a week to do this ahaha)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly just ml. i have a few spop fics too but i don't really write for that fandom anymore. or at least not right now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Gah. okay. I'm going to answer this honestly but to do that I first need to explain that my most kudoed fic is on anon because I'm annoyed it's my most kudoed fic aksjfbksdb. Like. It's only so popular because there's a bit of lila salt? and really the fic isn't about that but i don't really write that kind of thing anymore and i don't want ppl coming to my profile and sorting by kudos and seeing that first. There are other things i'd do a lot differently in that fic now too ahaha.

Break a Leg

Cards Against Ladybug's Identity

Ladybug And The Tramp Stamp

Imaginary Friends

The Sun Will Rise Again

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!! I reply to pretty much every comment--unless it's particularly rude/rubs me the wrong way. I know commenting takes time and I appreciate the effort ppl put into it so I like to give my thanks back!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Every Teardrop is a Waterfall. Although I think Girl Is A Gun is a strong contender too?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh...well, most of my fics have happy or at least hopeful endings. I don't think I can narrow this down to just a few haha.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think I've ever gotten hate? Definitely some comments that aren't super nice but nothing too bad. (now i've probably gone and jinxed it 😂)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

um. a little tiny bit but not enough to have a particular kind LOL. i've only posted it once so far. but i also have Entangled, which will have smut in the next chapter--and that's angsty smut. which i suppose would be my brand of smut if i ever write any more

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i haven't! i entertained the idea of an ml/spop crossover a couple years ago but i don't have any interest in it anymore. oh and i ALSO had an idea for a marigami spyxfamily crossover. but i don't know if i'll ever get around to that

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of! (*knocks on forehead since no wood is nearby*)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but that would be super cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not! a few times i've planned to write things with other ppl but nothing that ever really made it to the writing stage ahaha. although the littlebug vday zine is a collab in the form of a series--not exactly co-written but similar vibes

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

to write for, definitely the love square. and then catradora is so special to me because it got me back into writing and also i started IDing as a lesbian in part because i binged spop.

aside from that i can't really decide because like. there are so many shows i've seen and books i've read and ships i've loved for so many different reasons asdfbk. and then i have OC ships that only live in my head but that i love to play with sometimes before i fall asleep at night. so please don't make me choose!!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

uh. i would say none of them? because it's only when i completely lose interest in a fic that i lose the belief i'll finish it. and that's only happened with maybe two of my wips i can think of?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Depicting emotions! And using the setting to do that by establishing the mood/tone/etc...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i guess like...self-doubt? not that i'm awful with it. in general i think i'm pretty good that way. but it's my biggest barrier to writing when i have periods where i get in my head about my writing, and it can make me overthink and not know if i LIKE my writing. and i think my writing is at its best when i'm having fun with it (which is probably true of most ppl), so...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i think it makes sense when the characters are actually speaking that language for a short time but aren't speaking it for most of the fic? like i have one ml AU set in new york so they're speaking english for most of it and i used french for the first couple lines that were french (and weaved the translations into the narrative). so that's the only time i do that personally--aside for maybe one word lines like bonjour--but as a reader it doesn't usually bother me when i see it used other ways

19. First fandom you wrote for?

ahaha the Vampire Academy book series. and NO you won't find those fics anywhere, even though they are still out there somewhere

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

currently Say Something. and i very much wish i could finish writing it, but it'll happen when it happens!

I think most people I would have tagged have probably been tagged by this point...likely more than once 😂. So whoever else wants to play should do so!!

#tag game #long post

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princessmaybank · 7 months ago

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Hi! Congratulations on 1.5!!! sent something else for the celebration already but saw you post about warning a “💌 New Message”. I know you mentioned for us to state which character we would like it from but honestly I pretty much like them all the same (except I do like Pope just a little bit more) so either from Pope, or if you think I would for better with sometime else then I would definitely love that! (Also preferably the character being my established significant other (so like at least being together for like 6 ish months)). And even though I’m a really boring person, here it goes haha. I’m pretty shy and introverted when first meeting someone (and in public) but once I get to know and become closer to someone I am more extroverted around them, and more relaxed and carefree. I would describe myself as a very kind, honest, caring, and overall good person. I would also say I’m a romantic and love all that stuff that some people find cheesy. I unfortunately didn’t get the stereotypical high school love and have only had 2 “romances” (a few “dates” (I put in quotes because yes they were dates but no effort was made and were nothing like how I imagined/imagine dates should be) and kissed/made out but then said they didn’t want anything serious). I love both cats and dogs but after we put down our last dog a few years ago we (my family and I) decided just to have our cats (as my mom is getting older and didn’t want to deal with potty training and taking a dog on walks, especially when I am at college). I LOVE music I am listening to music pretty much all the time, exceptions being when I am working/ doing school stuff that I have to have my entire focus on (or obvious things like at a restaurant with family or friends, dr appointment, etc) although once I am sitting in the chair at the dentist after talking to the hygienist, I have it in my chart that I put my headphones in because I hate loud noises the noise, (and the taste, smells, noise all put together makes me freak out). I said I hate loud noises, however I love fireworks and concerts (I put earplugs in lmao). I am a basic white girl with most of my music taste (sue me okay!) and love Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Sabrina Carpenter, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Halsey, Kelsea Ballerini, the glee cast seasons 1-3💀, 5 seconds of summer, one direction, however I do also love Evanescence and Halestorm. In middle and high school I was in band (played the clarinet) and choir for a few years but did not continue when teachers left and i didn’t get much joy from it anymore, but I still sing along to music I listen to. I am NOT into sports/don’t watch/play but when I was younger I was really interested in gymnastics and did it for four years until the price increased and I had to quit. However I love “swimming” (going in the water and relaxing/ moving around, not swimming laps or anything like that). This was all over the place and I feel like this was probably way too many details you don’t need/don’t help you but also possibly not enough info to write a letter :/ But anyways, hopefully it is good enough you can write something from it! Thank you and once again congratulations!!!

Thank you babe ❤️ I guess I'm a post office now because have a letter here from Pope for you! 😂

Hello Beautiful,

It's our 1 year anniversary and I am extremely sorry for not being able to be with you for it. I miss you so much and I can't wait to see you again. I think about you every day, all day long. Not a day goes by where you and your lovely smile don't cross my mind.

I know I told you I'd be away for a few more months but I have something to tell you. I'll be back to visit in a few weeks honey!

You've probably already seen them by now in the envelope, but in case you haven't looked, I got you a little something. I know how much you love Niall Horan, and I saw that he was on tour, so I made a few ends meet and I got us some tickets for his show near us. I'll be visiting that week. Can't wait to see my beautiful baby.

P.S. I know it's not as good as the tickets but I also sent a picture of me. I Love You.

Love,

Pope <3

#princess jade's 1.5k celebration #1.5k followers #outer banks #jj maybank #rudy pankow smut #rudy pankow x reader #obx fic #obx x reader #outer banks smut #jj maybank smut #jj maybank imagine #smut prompts #pope heyward

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chuuyanaurkahara · 2 years ago

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dani meeting their stepfather for the first time cus i don't know what else to write and i want to write dani

oh yeah, dani is a little hater in this one btw though it's only a bit.

Then the teenager got out their phone. Hm. They didn't imagine it buzzing in the train after all. They indeed got a new message. One from Azrael.

i apologise for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language

------

Dani fixed their backpack once more. Okay, you may have not set a foot into this house since you were fourteen, but that doesn’t mean it's gonna be bad, right? They nervously fumbled with the end of their sleeves.

Dani smiled. As quickly as it appeared, it got smothered though as the contents of the message reminded them of where they were right now. You there yet?

They sighed and typed their response. Yrs. ssdlx :( miss u alredy. They stared at their phone for some seconds, considering deleting the last part. Dani decided to leave it that way and sent the message before they could change their mind.

Azrael was immediately online and responding. How he managed to do both if these in under three seconds, will stay a mystery to them. Miss you too<3

With a heart. A heart! Dani could explode. They smiled again. This one remained longer than the last, leaving their cheeks hurting. The teenager texted one heart back before turning off the phone and facing reality again.

Could it be possible for them to stall some more time? Maybe hop onto a train and drive back to the school and Azrael their comfortable dorm? Ugh, why were they so scared?

Dani lightly hit their head with their fist. Just knock on the damn door.

They took a deep breath. Then they knocked. As far as they remembered, the doorbell always was too loud for them. Dani awkwardly stood there for some seconds before the door opened, an unfamiliar face greeting them.

"Ah, you must be Dani!" The teenager flinched at the loud tone. The man must have noticed, because he said the next things a bit quieter, "Your mother told me all about you. Don't be shy, come in. We're happy you're here!"

Dani tried to make themselves small and unnoticeable as they entered their old home. They kicked off their shoes and put them onto the rack.

Then both, them and the man stood there awkwardly for some seconds.

"Oh yeah, you can call me John by the way. You can use your old room, though you might have to share with Charlotte." I'm gonna jump out of a window.

Dani nodded and was about to dash away, when their stepfather put a hand on their shoulder, stopping them.

"And if you need anything just ask me." Thanks, I won’t.

The teenager nodded again— a forced smile decorating their face— before sprinting upstairs.

They softly knocked on the door to announce their presence before stepping inside. A girl, which Dani assumed to be Charlotte, was inside. She was drawing something that the teenager could not see from their current position.

As she saw Dani, she got up and sprinted towards them, hugging the teen as she got to them. They assumed she was about eight, maybe nine years old. Otherwise she probably wouldn't have done that.

They carefully shoved her away, breaking the one sided hug. Hate it here already. Without ever adressing why they did that, they walked over to the bunk beds, dropped their backpack and threw themselves onto it.

"Then I'll get the top one!", the girl stated and climbed up. "Hehe, sharing a room is so cool, isn’t it?"

Dani refrained from telling her to shut the fuck up. They just continued to pity themselves.

"What do you like to do? What is your favourite color— mine's blue. Do you like blue?"

The teenager sighed. This was going to be a long week. "Uhm-...nothing, purple a-and no..."

"Do you wanna play something? Oh, what about some boardgames? Wait here, I'll get some!"

Charlotte climbed down the ladder and sprinted out of the room before Dani could respond. They groaned and grabbed their pillow which they then hit against their head multiple times.

This is going to be a very long week.

#my ocs #oc dani #my writing

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insidekaz · 1 year ago

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Lost my job today for bullshit reasons

Just when I thought I was getting a hold of this adulting stuff too, just when I thought everything was starting to mellow out and I would be able to take it slow for a bit, reality really just had to slap me in the face like that, huh?

Let me back track a bit and start off with my usual greetings. Hello everyone, Kaz here. I'm just your local internet nobody who has big dreams but even bigger panic attacks on a daily basis. I'm the type of enby who spends most of their days working hard for someone else while fantasizing about working for myself. I have an update video I've been meaning to make, I have Twitch assets I've been meaning to finish, I have writing that I've been meaning to hop back on, and all of it has been placed on an immediate halt as of late.

(Okay Kaz, now you're just starting to sound dramatic...)

I'll cut the excess fat of the beef here. I got fired from my factory job today. "Why?" is probably what you're asking. Well, long story short, it's because of the big ol' UAW strike that's currently going on. It's affecting a lot of automotive companies, my former one included. Because of this, my last job decided to let go a lot of people, explaining it to me as an "extended lay off" until further notice, the cherry on that collapsing sundae being that I would be getting a call from H.R. sometime between the next few days to within the next two weeks on whether or not they'll be able to find a position for me. To anyone else, that sounds like a

Fantastic Extended Vacation From Work!

...but I know when to take a hint when it hits me. I admit, I may be oblivious to most things that happen around me, but this was a pretty blatant sign to file for unemployment and start job hunting. The most bullshit thing about the whole ordeal is that they decided to pull me aside and let me go a good 8 hours into my 10 hour shift, specifically doing it about five-ish minutes before my last break. I couldn't bring myself to call my partner to tell them the news, nor sit around for two hours and wait for them to come and pick me up, so I dragged my angry ass home on my own two feet, cursing that factory, the management, and the matter of the existence of the whole situation. The only curtesy they did for me was allowing me to using the front exit instead of the side exit so that no one had to basically watch me take the walk of shame.

Thus here I am, sitting at my computer, blogging my feelings away to a Tumblr blog that I'm happy no one sits down and reads. Trust me, there hasn't really been anything too interesting so far. I'm just some guy who complains about his life to anyone who's willing to listen. Even then, I still hold my complaints back. My partner was entirely understanding of the whole ordeal, so my fear of them leaving me because of this has quickly subsided, but I can't help but feel like I'm still an overall failure. I mean, sure, I didn't exactly enjoy the job, but I'd rather be doing something I hate for money than be doing nothing at all. It's currently 3 in the morning when I'm typing this. My partner is sleeping in the bedroom, so I'm probably gonna take the couch and try my best not to wake them up. Today, I rest. Tomorrow, I start job hunting. By Friday, I should either have landed a job or at least have an interview set up to start a new one. Let's just hope everything works out.

Here's what I'm listening to today. I listened to it on my way home from work, and it surprisingly lifted my spirits a bit. Still not sure what the lyrics mean, but now I have time to dissect them. I wish you all a good day, and a wish that you don't do anything stupid. If you do, at least name it after me, especially if it was stupid and cool.

youtube

#insidekaz #kameronkazma #nonbinary #asexual #kaz #unemployed #work #1997 #saint motel #Youtube

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hotdadlicense · 2 years ago

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Gif asks 💜 2,4, 5, 9, 16, 27, 32, 34, 41, 47, 49 (i, too, am nosey <3)

hello laura i Love you.

2. what is your least favourite set you’ve made?

well. there is various answers to this one. but overall it's pretty much just most of my early stuff like on my old @ianchaloner blog becos i was a photoshop Baby that did NOT have a clue what they were doing. but like even some of my earlier billy sets and daryl sets are like...........girl that colourings Messy. this billy sets in my activity every now and again and every time i'm like. i need to fix you so bad.

4. a set that flopped but deserved better?

never really got why part 2 of this set got like 500notes but part 1 only got like 50notes?

5. what is your favourite movie/TV show to gif?

i rly liked giffing julie and the phantoms cos the lighting on that show was incredible so the colouring was like. i'm not gonna say easy but also it wasn't a constant battle to get rid of yellows or blues or greens y'know? like if i was writing a report card i'd be like. julie and the phantoms, you were a joy to colour in class <3. tragically netflix axed it after one season so guess i'm never getting that joy again.

9. what/who inspired you to start making gifs?

i don't think it was any one person, i think - like you - i was in a lesser known small fandom and there wasn't a heap of content so i was like. guess i'll try figure this shit out. thanku to all my nick friends for indulging me when my attempts weren't actually that good ily 🥺

16. how long have you been making gifs?

since 2012/2013 i think? wow 10+ years omg

27. have you ever made a set, decided you hated it and deleted it? what was it?

omg probably although i can't remember off the top of my head? i know i've posted a few only to spot the spelling mistake the second i've hit post and had to quickly delete and fix lmao

32. what is your favourite tool/adjustment layer in photoshop?

selective colour, my beloved. blacks and neutrals, my deeper beloved. also i love curves, she's my best friend.

34. a set that took you a long time/was really hard but you’re really proud of how it came out?

this lyric set was my first attempt at the glitch transition and it kicked my ass a bit but i do like how it turned out! also this set was my first attempt at getting the lines around the words(?) effect but the original tutorial i had up was like......not great. so it took hours of trying and retrying and it still wouldn't work so i eventually searched for a new tutorial after like hour 5 and it suddenly worked within line 20 minutes 🙃 ALSO this set from the walking dead took so much configuring to get all the scenes onto one set etc like every afternoon after work i'd get back into it trying to get it all in and i eventually got something that i was okay with posting? it was like the fourth attempt after scrapping the first three attempts and i think all up i made like over 60 gifs 🙃🙃🙃

41. what is your least favourite part about your gif making process?

before u came along and changed my life with avidemux, it was the way that every time i imported video frames to layers, there would ALWAYS be duplicates, so every time i had to go through every frame and layer manually and delete all the double ups, otherwise the gifs would be laggy. but then you DID introduce me to avidemux and now i don't have that problem. i owe u my life and my sanity. now i think the most annoying part is clipping up the parts for the gifs? like i have a billy set in mind for billy week but it requires multiple gifs, and i have started clipping up most scenes and saving them, but i've only really got season two, and the scenes i need are season three. and i'm definitely procrastinating by replying to this instead of doing that cos its like. i just hate clipping up vids and waiting for them to save.

47. any advice for novice gif makers/people who want to start making gifs?

literally just read and try various tutorials and see what feels best! my way of giffing is literally just a mix-matched version of like 10 different tutorials that i've read over the years and sometimes i'm like well obviously i'm doing this wrong since i don't do it the exact way This Tumblr User said to but every time i try and change it always looks worse? also it's not a job and the second it goes from being fun to feeling like a chore??? take a break!!!!!!! literally at the end of the day it's not that important!!! also make sure ur making it for urself and maybe a select few friends!!! cos tumblr interaction these days is very low so like, if ur not making it cos for yourself specifically? u will probably get really discouraged really quickly. literally every set i make these days is just so i can cry in the tags instead of crying in the tags of someone else's post dkljfak

49. how much would you say you’ve improved since you first started giffing?

feel like i've got a much better grasp on colouring also feeling slightly more confident with blending! not a pro by any means but i do put effort in!!!

#msgs <3 #disdaidal #laura tag <3 #thanku laura ily

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anamariaabolivar · 3 years ago

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&&. announcing her royal highness, ( ana maría bolívar y tovar ), the ( 31 ) year old ( princess ) of ( venezuela ). she is often confused with ( maría gabriela de faría ). some say that she is ( paranoid & guarded ), but she is actually ( resilient & compassionate )

stats;

NAME: ana maría bolívar y tovar

BIRTHDATE: july 11, 1992

ASTROLOGY: cancer sun / sagitarrius moon / leo rising

GENDER: cis woman (she/hers)

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heteroflexible? Idk, I gotta ponder on this one.

HEIGHT: 5'5"

FAMILY: santiago bolívar (father, deceased), ana victoria tovar (mother), adriana romera (eldest sister), francisco maikel bolívar y tovar (eldest brother, king), aliana nicolle bolívar y tovar (middle sister, deceased), ender bolívar y tovar (middle brother), alejandro bolívar y tovar (son, 7 years old)

tldr;

being born the youngest of 5 and a girl, ana maría was raised in wealth and privilege but without the true weight of expectations.

around 14, started dating her ex, miguel de orléans e bragança. they were high school and college sweethearts.

they broke up after a combination of factors lead to her feeling neglected/ignored, and him feeling overwhelmed.

tabloids went wild with their break up.

best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right? wrong. she got pregnant from a one night stand.

miguel and ana almost got back together, both of them thinking the baby was his. Then after a paternity leaked to the press that it was not his baby, they broke up for good.

tabloids went even more wild speculating on their break up and the father of the baby (this information was never released).

within the year of having her baby (alejandro bolívar y tovar - he's a sag), both her sister and dad were assassinated.

ana peaced out and withdrew from public life, unable to handle the tabloids, the grief, and the new baby all at once (focusing on the latter two).

2015-2018, she was rarely seen.

around 2018, she started making public appearances again, all her socials were wiped clean and she started anew.

rehabed her image and has a pretty favorable presence on social media, is a semi-frequent face on latin american TV (mainly as herself, not acting. yet.)

she has deep guilt about feeling like she was “self absorbed” around 2014-2015 and has internalized some of the negative tabloid coverage + grief. she tries to ease this guilt by thoroughly investigating her father and sister's deaths and reliving that year, but through eyes other than her own and finding true justice

she also has eased the guilt by becoming very involved with philanthropy and volunteering (her thought process: even if she will never have any meaningful political power, she still has the power to help and take care of the people of venezuela through a more direct approach)

is very protective of her son, he is NOT in many public appearances out of her concern that he will become tabloid fodder.

still finds it hard to deeply connect with people after the tabloid fiasco + losing her family

full bio;

Ana María Leonor Bolívar y Tovar presents herself on her social media as this fully modern wonder woman-type figure. She is the woman who can do it all. She's a single mother, a TV personality (with rumors of starting her own show), maintains a carefully curated instagram, is dedicated to philanthropy and is frequently seen at soup kitchens, occasionally engages in statesmanship, is almost always at Sunday mass, and still has time to invest into her own passion projects (see: investigating her own father's death). But to those she holds close, her public performance is only just that. A Performance. Ana María would liken herself to a phoenix if it didn't seem so cliché. She wasn't simply born as That Girl. She didn't become Supermom purely out of some innate drive or personality. Instead, it was forged. A mere 10 years ago, Ana María was nigh unrecognizable compared to now. She was light-hearted, carefree, deeply caring, affectionate, and absolutely in love with her Brazilian Prince Charming. They'd occasionally grace covers together. Her presence wasn't as defined, but she'd been received well by the Venezuelan public as the seemingly sweet youngest princess. But all of that changed in 2014. Never being able to put her first, after a long relationship between childhood sweethearts, Miguel broke up with her. In heartbreak and desperation to feel wanted, loved, anything at all, Ana María found comfort in another man's arms. It was only one night, but almost two months later, she'd come to find out she was pregnant. For any normal woman, on it's own this would be a traumatic enough series of events. But given her status as well as her ex's, the tabloids and gossip sites were quick to pick up such a juicy plotline. At first, the stories had mainly been of the break up and the occasional candid of her or Miguel with a friend and speculations about the nature of their friendships. Follows and unfollows were screenshotted on every social media site for the truly over-involved. It took them a while to catch onto the pregnancy. Ana María tried to wear more billowy shirts, but eventually some internet sleuths were able to deduce she was pregnant and before long, the headlines were everywhere. Ex-lovers having a child together? How would they raise the child? What does this mean for Brazil to have a new royal in the family? Out of wedlock? Though the baby came as a surprise, it seemed to have brought the couple back together. The honorable man he was, Miguel privately proposed and Ana María began to figure out living arrangements and timelines. But there were doubts and before the announcements were made, the Brazilian royal family wanted to know if they had another heir in line for the throne. It seemed unthinkable that it couldn't be his, Ana María had only been with one other man and it had only happened once. And yet, when the results came back she felt a pit in her stomach. Once read aloud, all of her worst fears had come true. Both families knew that this was not a child who would ever ascend. There were whispers of “bastard”. Ana María objected to this term. A Bastard would imply outside of a marriage, and after the paternity was discovered and heavy discouragement from his family, Miguel rescinded the proposal. It wasn't long before the paternity – or lack thereof – of her baby was leaked to the press. Suddenly, she was the cause for the break up that Miguel initiated. She was a cheating witch. Her timelines were scrutinized and picked apart for lookers-on to speculate on who could be the father of her unborn child. Even when her son, Alejandro, was born, gifts delivered to the palace were photographed for the public's inspection. No stone unturned, nothing she did went without deep analysis. It seemed unending, a barrage of waves crashing into her ceaselessly. Hit after hit after hit after- Until the unthinkable happened. Her father and sister were assassinated in Barquisimeto. The timeline and tabloids fell silent. Only candle emojis, in memoriam articles, and mass grieving by the nation.

2015 was a

horrifying, muddied year. One that she's lost track of but also is constantly haunted by. She lived in a deluge of grief, the only thing keeping her moving being her incredibly young son. She couldn't shut down, she had to keep going for him, she couldn't take his parent away too, not when he'd lost a father before even knowing him. So she drowned out as much as she could and focused only on surviving and raising her son. She largely retreated from public life for a while, rarely being seen outside the palace walls. The only photographs that can be found from that time period are candid photos from memorials, commemorations, necessary state events, the occasional picture of her slipping into or leaving the catholic church the family was known to attend, and the new royal family portraits that had to be retaken. Her social media fell silent. Those rare photos provided the only evidence to the public that the youngest princess was still in Caracas. When she reemerged nearly 3 years later, she was a different woman. Still a grieving daughter and sister in every sense, but now she had a sense of purpose and drive. She had her son to live for. And not just live for but to create a legacy for. Her social media accounts were wiped clean and reborn into a careful, curated, presence. She balanced the aspirational with the compassionate. She was responsible with the platform, using it as a way to relate to and listen to the people of her country and soon, the world. It wasn't long before she also began to make appearances on TV. Before her image was fully rehabilitated, she had to be selective with the programs and situations she appeared on, viewing it as a form of domestic diplomacy. For all intents and purposes, her rehabilitation was a success. Since her reemergence into the public sphere, she has become known in Venezuela for being one of the more accessible members of the royal family, having a closer, more personal, parasocial relationship with her viewers and followers. Not only is she seen at official state dinners, but also, to her security's chagrin, out and amongst the people more. She frequently volunteers at soup kitchens, is seen hosting fundraisers for charity events following natural disasters and other crises. Though she will never see any true form of state power, she seems to have embraced the idea of building a relationship with the people in a different, more direct way. As a public persona, all of this is perceived as admirable and generous. Her activism has lead to an increase in charity work in her own country, leading to a near immeasurable impact. However, to those closest to her, it can sometimes come off as near compulsive. There's a deep sense of guilt in her that still lives in her chest from losing Aliana and her father. She was so busy in those last few months, so under barrage by the constant tabloid and gossip sites reporting, that she didn't see any warning signs. She didn't hear about any political unrest in the country. Her father's death was completely unexpected and some of the voices of those tabloids wormed their way inside her brain. What if she was this self-absorbed princess? What kind of princess wouldn't even notice that there was another royal family angry enough with her father to commit assassination? None of it made any sense. So, she decided she'd make it make sense. She constantly relives 2015, only not through the eyes of the tabloids this time, but through the geopolitical lens. She reads every article she can find, digs through documents, and is constantly trying to understand what happened? And why? Who would want to kill her father? It didn't make sense that it was just one family and that Francisco got appropriate “revenge”. Assassinations weren't this simple, not in the modern age. How did security miss the weapons at the speech? Was there an informant on her father's or sister's security? Who were they working with really? So she pores through it over and over and over, hoping for answers, but also hoping to plug this hole of guilt. To try to do

whatever she can for her father, even after death. And to her, that means finding true justice. Her philanthropy is also largely born out of this “self-absorbed” narrative she's internalized. Besides trying to relive the year she felt so absent from, she's also trying to prove, both to herself and any potential doubters, that she's not that person anymore. She's not self-absorbed, she does care about people and she wants to use her power to do what's best. At the moment, after being cut off from the South American trade routes and the supply chain issues that have caused food to become more scarce and more expensive in the country, a lot of Ana María's philanthropy has been directly related to hunger. It's not a passion born purely out of self-interest, but also one that does come from a genuine love for the people. However to state that it is altruistic and pure and not partially fueled by her own insecurities is simply not the full picture. Personality wise, the “performance” aspect is important for Ana María. Not in an inherently fake way. But she performs for the camera, she turns on the charm and reminds the nation of this relatable but aspirational woman. As a mother, she performs as both father and mother figure for her son. After all, after coming away so emotionally battered from the last break up, she hasn't exactly jumped into many new relationships. There is also, by necessity, a performance aspect in respects to social media. While it is always a performance to some degree, Ana Maria's relationship is slightly more tenuous with the medium. It has been used both in her destruction and trauma but also a tool in her image rehabilitation. There are multiple levels of performance that Ana María engages in with these platforms. It's a dynamic relationship, but critical to her outward image and public perception. Due to much of the trauma she endured, she is also extremely cognizant of the public-personal role divides and the nature of parasocial relationships. Because of this, like in this bio, she does not put Alejandro in the public spotlight that often. He may be at state events if necessary, but for the most part, she does her absolute best not to post pictures of him, and to keep her motherly anecdotes in line with respecting his privacy. She also tries not to expose him to paparazzi or other people that may try to infringe on his privacy before he's even fully aware and able to make those decisions for himself. However, he's now 7 years old and has entered school. Ana María knows it is only so long that she can keep him protected and out of the public eye as much as she has. She also knows that at some point, he may hear some of the old rumors resurfacing. Though she's done the work to try and change her public image, she's still come away deeply scarred and suspicious of others. Her father and sister were murdered, she still isn't fully certain of who leaked the paternity of her son to the press, and in her most vulnerable moments she was mocked and ridiculed by the media. While she's very warm in public and in her public personas, in can be difficult to get close to her. She tends to be slow to trust, more introverted, and far more concerned with strengthening the core relationships in her life than she is newer ones. However, her former self is not all lost, just buried deeply under her protective shell. Her son still sees her unencumbered smile. Her family still knows her affection and loyalties. And the person she portrays on TV has a glimmer of that naivete she once possessed. She cares deeply for those closest to her. Both in life and beyond. She will not let her past, her title, or her traumas hold her down. She will carve out a path for her and her son. And no one will stop her. Not if she has anything to say about it.

headcanons;

ana maría and alejandro love a zoo, aquarium, etc. anything with animals. expect a zoo thread any time the location changes.

she's fluent in and teaching alejandro english and brazilian portuguese, as well.

she has been known to show up late to evening events because she wants to put Alejandro to bed herself.

ana maría is floating a talk show idea with a network right now, probably will be filming pilot segments when she has the chance.

she majored in art history in college. i don't know what she was planning on doing with the degree, that got cut short and she hasn't told me what she wanted to do yet. but it likely informs her aesthetics.

when rebuilding her image, she probably worked with some photographers/ig accounts (or burner accounts) to help take some semi-flattering photos that looked like candids.

brings her son with her wherever she goes (city-wise, not to all public events).

was a dancer in her youth. she started in ballet but mostly did ballroom. never competed, but likely could have if it didn't seem like such a security risk.

wanted connections;

old/former friends - whether the friends fell away because back in ana maría’s Trauma Era, her reputation was too toxic, she became too boring after the baby, or ana maría ghosted them after her family passed away, i imagine ana maría has probably lost a decent amount of friends during that time.

childhood/close friends - this category is probably much smaller, but i’m sure a few people stuck around through the mess and also didn’t mind very sporadic conversation for a few years.

family friends - being the youngest of 5 and a royal family, i am sure there are some family friend type connections. whether they’re friends with francisco or would be with the family, i’m sure ana maría is passively aware at them at least.

pet owners - alejandro wants to pet and befriend every animal in the neighborhood.

philanthropy partners - one of the main reasons ana maría is here is for philanthropic endeavors trying to help the people of venezuela. she’s not about to be upfront about the issues going on in venezuela, but she’ll definitely be looking to work on projects specifically dealing with food security and environmental protection.

people wanting to take advantage? - good luck, francisco tells her absolutely nothing, but if you enjoy a challenge, go for it.

if u made it this far, have a playlist.

#hshqintro #thank u frey for the beautiful graphic #okay so in 3 weeks i'll probably decide i hate this and write a new bio post but for now enjoy #death tw

14 notes · View notes

the-chicken-or-the-banana · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! There's a headcannon that has been circulating that I never saw fully written, and I love how you characterize the foxes! Basically, Andrew living the setbacks of being short (either privately or publicly), getting frustrated, and Neil comforting him

THIS IS SO FUNNY SKDJFHK also i have always wanted to write a 5+1 so tyvm for this (again, this ended up so goddamn long but. what else is new.)

read "shortcomings (honestly, fuck you tilda)" on ao3 hereeeee

———

Andrew gripped the edges of the counter. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Eye on the prize.

He squinted at the offensively orange mixing bowl that Kevin had placed far too high on the shelf earlier that day. He had planned on baking cookies (for no reason other than that he was bored), and that bowl was his lucky one: every baked good he made using it always rose perfectly.

Andrew had tried everything — stretching as far as he could, trying to move things with his mind, even going as far as going on his toes (after a cursory glance that no one was around).

He eyed the step-stool on the other side of the kitchen. He could always use that and put it back and no one would be the wiser. But no. Andrew was a fully capable adult with a reputation to uphold and he would get that bowl down by himself, dammit.

Andrew had been through hell and back, and then some. He would not be bested by cabinetry.

He rubbed his hands against his shirt before placing them back on the counter and took a running crouch. Andrew bounced lightly on his toes, mentally counted to three, and leapt up, hand reaching forward to grip at the bowl.

For one glorious moment, it really seemed like it would work.

Then the counter whacked Andrew in the gut, he smacked his head against the cabinet, and he slowly slid down to the floor, no bowl in hand.

Hmm. That wasn't supposed to happen.

He jerked his head up to glare at the stupid bowl and promptly felt extremely dizzy, slipping even further until he was collapsed entirely on the floor, limbs splayed.

That wasn't supposed to happen either.

Oh well. If he couldn't ruin his health with cookies, he might as well do it by laying on the most unhygienic piece of property he had ever seen. He supposed this was an acceptable way to go.

Andrew lay there on the dorm floor for a solid 15 minutes, willing the bowl to come down, until he heard the dorm room unlock and the sound of Neil's quiet humming filled the room. He didn't have the energy to get up though, so he flopped his legs around as Neil passed the kitchen to catch his attention.

"Oh, hey Drew," Neil shuffled further into the dorm after giving Andrew a quick glance and smile. A few seconds later, the humming stopped and Andrew saw the outline of Neil's body slowly move back into the kitchen doorway. "Um. Can I ask why you're starfished on the floor?"

Andrew sluggishly pointed upwards. "Bowl. High. Jumped. Fell."

Neil nodded knowingly. Andrew stared at him purposefully. Neil blinked.

Idiot.

"Get it for me," Andrew scowled with a well-aimed kick at Neil's ankles. Neil's eyes widened before filling with mirth. He walked forward and sat down next to Andrew's side, running a hand through his blond hair. Andrew hated himself for leaning into the touch.

"Aww, what's wrong?" Neil cooed. "Can't reach it?"

What a fucking asshole.

Andrew shot Neil a glare — he could admit that it probably wasn't super effective considering that he was on the floor with his not-boyfriend carding his fingers through his hair, but it was the thought that counted, okay! — and Neil gave him an amused look before pushing himself off the ground.

He shuffled around Andrew's limp body before giving an exasperated sigh.

"Andrew."

"Junkie."

"There is a stepstool right here."

"Yes."

"You didn't use it."

"No."

"... Why?"

Andrew shrugged in response.

He heard Neil grumbling under his breath and, a few seconds later, was rewarded with Neil's gross socks in front of his face as he went on the tips of his toes to grab at the bowl. Andrew glanced up and noticed that Neil's shorts were delightfully loose around his thighs.

Nice.

He indulged himself in the view until Neil dropped back down on the balls of his feet, holding the bowl proudly.

"Got it!" he grinned down at Andrew and flopped back down on the floor, pulling Andrew into a sitting position. Neil pressed up against him after a quick 'yes or no?' and handed over the bowl so Andrew.

"That was not fair," Andrew grumbled after a few minutes of calm silence. "You did that so easily. You're barely taller than me."

Neil nudged his shoulder and planted a kiss to the side of his head. "It's okay," he gave an annoyingly soft look. "I'll always be there to help you, whenever you need it."

Andrew huffed. "I did not ask for sentimentality, Josten. Just a bowl."

Irritatingly, this caused Neil to laugh a bit. "Okay, okay, I'll leave you with your precious bowl." He moved to get up and pressed a chaste kiss to Andrew's lips. "But for what it's worth, I think your size is perfect."

He left Andrew missing the warmth of Neil's body beside him before his brain caught up to what Neil just said.

"Josten. Josten! Was that a fucking dick joke?"

There were moments where Andrew desperately wanted to burn Neil's clothing. He understood that they were remnants of past habits that were hard to break, but surely having this many gray and brown shirts had to be criminal.

Andrew refused to be seen kissing such a heathen in public but he really only knew how to put Neil in hot club clothes rather than hot casual clothes. And so, for the sake of humanity (and his dignity), he swallowed his pride and met up with Allison Fucking Reynolds.

Their plan to snatch up Neil from the Exy court to take him shopping at the mall appeared to be going well. So far, they'd bought him some shirts, artfully ripped jeans, denim jackets, and an actually functional pair of shoes. Neil, for all his stamina, looked like he was about to collapse from the weight of the bags, so Allison and Andrew took pity on him and decided to take a lunch break.

The three of them reached the food court and made their way to a noodle shop (after Andrew extracted a promise that he could get some ice cream afterwards). He and Allison sat Neil down on a bench to guard their massive pile of bags before going up to order.

By the time they were at the front of the line, Andrew was fully prepared to stab Reynolds in the middle of the mall. In a span of five minutes, she had managed to ask him about his and Neil's sex life, when they got together, what Neil's exact sexuality was, and had Andrew ever painted his nails?

He resolutely refused to answer any of those questions, on the principle that she didn't need more money from bets than she already had.

They ordered quickly, Andrew eager to get away from Reynolds, when the cashier said something that made him stop in his tracks.

"We actually have a discount right now for kids under 12!" she said smiling. "Is that something you'd be interested in?"

Andrew squinted. Why the hell would they—

Oh. Oh no, no, no.

Allison seemed to come to the same realization that he did, because she smiled wide and tapped her nails against the counter.

"Oh, that's just perfect!" she exclaimed. "Aaron here just turned 11 a few months ago. We'll take the discount."

Aaron?!

Andrew was going to kill her.

He was still planning bloody murder as Reynolds brought their tray of food to the table. He sat down with a scowl, and though Neil shot him a curious glance, he didn't push it.

Stupid considerate junkie.

Andrew muttered a percentage under his breath and proceeded to poke Neil in the cheek with his chopsticks. After a few moments of this, Neil turned to him with a scowl.

"Andrew," he grumbled. "What are you doing?"

Andrew glared at Reynolds.

Neil gave a resigned sigh and turned to her. "Allison. What happened?"

Reynolds smirked. "Oh, nothing much. Just that the cashier thought that your boy was a literal child and gave us a discount for kids 12 and under. I told her that it was great because Aaron over there," she jabbed a finger towards Andrew. "just turned 11."

Neil looked like he was biting back a laugh but then frowned. "Okay, but arms."

"True," Reynolds conceded. "However, consider this: tiny."

The two idiots nodded like they'd figured out some indispensable secret of the universe.

Frustrated, Andrew went back to poking Neil's face; when he finally glanced back, Andrew nudged his arms and shuffled a bit closer. Thankfully, Neil actually got the hint for once and scraped featherlight fingers into Andrew's hair.

"It's okay," Neil tried. "I mean, at the end of the day, all of us are just broke college kids—"

"I'm not," Allison interrupted.

Neil rolled his stupid, pretty eyes. "Okay, most of us are broke college kids—"

"Don't you have a bunch of mafia blood money and stuff?" Reynolds asked.

"Beside the point," Neil huffed. "Fine, Andrew, you are a broke college kid—" "Gee, thanks." "— and so you should be grateful that your height is saving you some money."

"That is dumb."

"You're dumb."

"How creative."

Neil scowled and tugged on Andrew's hair. "Shut up. Drama queen."

Andrew stabbed a piece of stir fry into Neil's mouth to close that damn mouth and resolutely ignored the click of Allison's phone camera.

This was proving to be a problem.

Andrew stared at his $150 jeans, the bottom of the legs frayed and pale. He had just bought these two weeks ago. What a waste of money.

There really was only one thing left to do.

Minutes later, Andrew slammed open the door to his brother's dorm and dragged him out with Aaron demanding to know where they were going. By the time he had wrestled his idiot doppelganger to the car, Andrew was reaching. his. fucking. limit.

"Andrew, if you don't tell me where we're going, I swear I'll bite you. I'll push Neil off a treadmill and dump a bucket of mud on him. I'll throw all your ice cream in the trash. I'll—"

That last one was simply too far. He'd have to give Aaron some ground.

"Get in, loser," Andrew glared. "We're going shopping."

Thankfully, he managed to keep Aaron quiet until they reached the mall by letting him pick the music (it was country! Southern heathen). What a child.

Rich coming from you, a voice told him snidely. You can't even buy clothes for yourself properly.

Shut up, he scolded himself.

"Andrew," Aaron sighed exasperatedly when they reached the parking lot. "Can you finally tell me what we're shopping for?"

They got out of the car and Andrew raised an eyebrow as he faced Aaron. "Sex toys."

"WHAT THE FU— "

Andrew watched his brother's face turn red as he sputtered, before noticing the amusement in his face.

Aaron deflated. "Asshole," he grumped.

"Yeah, that is generally where the dildo goes."

"Shut up. I'm begging you."

Andrew decided to take pity on him and stabbed a finger towards Aaron's legs. "When did you buy those."

Aaron squinted. "My jeans?" At Andrew's nod, he looked confused. "Uh, like three or four months ago maybe. Why?"

Three or four months?! That was simply unacceptable.

"They are still in good quality," Andrew said slowly.

"...Yes?" Aaron looked lost for a few moments before his face brightened with pure, evil glee. Andrew hated the world more in that moment than he ever had before. "Oh my God. Oh my God. Are your jeans too long for you?"

"Be quiet," he snapped. "You just need to show me where you buy yours and never mention this to anyone or I'll stab you."

Aaron didn't seem as concerned as he should have been. "I don't need to do anything, dumbass. Why don't you just cuff them like me?"

"I refuse to look like a bisexual disaster."

"Hey," Aaron looked mildly offended. "That's not a bisexual thing. Right?" At Andrew's blank look, his eyes widened. "No. Oh shit. Is that why guys keep hitting on me at Eden's?"

Andrew actually blinked at that. He had not realized that his brother was really that stupid. "Aaron. Eden's is a gay bar. Obviously men will hit on you."

"Wait, it's a what— "

"Be quiet. You are coming with me now." He dragged his brother to the mall entrance as Aaron bumbled along behind him, swearing incoherently.

They weaved their way through what seemed like a million stores until Andrew walked out hours later, finally satisfied with his new haul of jeans that Aaron had oh-so-considerately helped to pick out, a few hundred dollars poorer, and two churros and an iced coffee fuller.

Andrew trudged up the stairs to his floor (perhaps this was a workout he should regularly implement in his exercise regime) while Aaron split off to find some study group or other.

By the time he reached his dorm, Andrew felt far more exhausted than the situation warranted and he blindly chucked the bags on the sofa, belatedly realizing that Neil was already sitting where the bags would land. Oops.

He sat down by Neil like the throw was entirely intentional as Neil sputtered when the plastic smacked him in the face.

"What's all this?" the junkie questioned. For fuck's sake, why did his eyes have to be so blue?

Andrew just gestured for him to take the clothes out and saw as Neil's face grew confused when he saw what he was holding.

"Jeans? Didn't you literally buy some like a week ago?"

"Two," Andrew corrected, because he was a petty bitch if nothing else. Neil rolled his stupid eyes at that but waited for Andrew to provide an explanation. Andrew heaved a regretful sigh. "The bottom of them are all frayed now"

"Frayed?" the striker's brows furrowed before his face cleared and a shit-eating smirk crossed his face. "Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying you were too short for your jeans?"

Andrew nearly stabbed him right then and there.

"Shut. Up."

"Oh my gosh. Andrew. Andrew."

When Andrew got up (not grumpily. never grumpily. (okay, maybe a little grumpily)), Neil tugged on his shirt sleeve with an apologetic grin. "Sorry, sorry, I'll stop making fun," but his eyes were squinted as he tried not to laugh and his face was flushed and his lips were red as he bit on them, and honestly, how was Andrew expected to stay annoyed after seeing that?

"I mean," Neil continued. "You're paying with whatever you have left of Tilda's life insurance, right? And it's technically her fault you're so, uh... vertically challenged because of the drugs and shit. So you buying all these jeans are like a big "fuck you" to her!"

Andrew blinked slowly at his not-boyfriend's not-cute not-endearing hand-waving and decided he could take a hit to his reputation if it kept Neil glowing like this. "Josten. Are you saying that being short is literally in my jeans?"

"Holy shit, yes."

To be fair, he had been warned. This was probably his own fault. Which he would never admit, but whatever.

It had started fine enough.

Andrew had been smoking by the windowsill as he waited for Neil to come back from his class. It was raining heavily and he felt a comfortable laze settle in his bones, so he didn't bother to open the window, despite Kevin's complaints.

"Andrew, stop smoking in here. If you want to destroy your lungs, at least do it away from me."

"Shut up and watch your damn Exy, Day."

He shut up and watched his damn Exy.

Andrew let the sounds of the game wash over him as he let his eyes droop (when did Exy become... relaxing to him? That was moderately concerning), so by the time he realized that there was an incessant beeping sound in the background, everything was too far gone to not have gone to shit.

His body finally jolted into action when he finally registered that the smoke alarm was blaring in their dorm and he heard yells coming from outside in the hallway, which probably meant an RA or some other Foxes were about to burst in and see him smoking where he wasn't supposed to. For the third time this month.

Crap.

"Day. Day! Get off your fucking computer and turn off the alarm," he hissed as he (gracefully) scrambled to the kitchen to find a towel.

"Hmm?" Kevin hummed blearily. "Oh. That. Well, I told you so."

Andrew simply could not believe it. (Well, maybe he could a bit. Kevin was just that kind of asshole frie— person.)

By the time he dampened a towel (wow, they really needed to do the dishes sometime soon), the shouts were right outside the door and he heard keys jingling in the lock. Quickly he scrambled up the table, but in his haste, kicked over a glass of water (vodka? Sprite? whatever).

He tripped over slightly and his foot splashed into the puddle on the table, causing him to cringe internally. His sock felt horribly wet and tingly, and it was nearly enough to distract him from the creaking of the door opening. Quickly, he reached up, flapping the towel near the smoke alarm to turn it off.

It wasn't enough. He couldn't reach the alarm.

In a split-second, he decided to just fuck it and leapt up to see if that would work. However, the uncomfortable feeling in his feet and the stupid smoke alarm and the fucking banging of the door made him severely misjudge his strength.

Andrew jumped a lot further forward than he expected. He flew through the air, one foot catching on the top of a chair, the other stabbed by the edge of the table. In a futile attempt to gain his balance, Andrew flailed his arms around, but that just caused the towel to smack him in the face.

Eventually, gravity took hold of him and he (and the chair) crashed into the floor, the towel mockingly flopping on his hair. Blearily, he raised his head up and saw Neil and their RA staring at him concernedly from the doorway.

Well, this was awkward. At least the beeping had stopped.

Their RA, an unfortunately attractive tennis player named Richard Addams (Nicky found it hilarious that their RA's initials were R.A.. Andrew called him 'Certified Dick™'), stepped in cautiously. "Andrew, everything okay?"

"Just peachy," he grumbled.

Neil ran to Andrew's side at the sound of his voice and pushed his blond hair out of his face. "Why peaches? They're honestly not even that good; I can only stand the really big and thick and juicy ones."

Andrew froze and even Kevin closed his laptop that. "Neil," Certified Dick™ said slowly. "Do you know what peaches are?"

"Duh," he rolled his eyes. "Fruit. That's why Nicky has a peach next to my name in his contacts. Because I like fruits."

Idiot.

"It means 'ass,' " Andrew informed him. Neil gaped.

"It means wha— "

"Okay," Certified Dick™ exclaimed cheerfully. "I'm gonna leave y'all here. Andrew, I'll assume you weren't doing anything against the rules because you are a kind person who always listens to what I say."

"Of course," Andrew said blandly. "I am a wonderful student." He fingered the edges of his armbands.

Certified Dick™ slowly backed out of the room.

Neil let out a breath and blew his hair out of his eyes. "Okay," he started. "We'll talk about the ass thing later. But first, what the hell just happened?"

Andrew pointed up at the smoke alarm.

"Well, yes, I got that, but why were you jumping around like an absolute idiot?"

"Kevin is useless," Andrew announced.

"Not true!" Kevin protested immediately. "You just never listen to me. It's not my fault that I'm always right."

Andrew glared at him and turned back to Neil. "I couldn't reach the stupid smoke alarm," he finally gritted out, bracing for someone to mock him.

It never came.

Instead, Neil gave him a cheeky grin and a wink (at least, Andrew assumed it was a wink) and turned to Kevin with a faux-annoyed stare. "Seriously, Kev? You didn't help him?"

"He got himself into his own mess," Kevin shrugged.

"Okay, and what if someone had caught him? They might have not allowed him to play Exy for a bit! Or maybe while he was trying to shut off the alarm, he could have really hurt himself!" Neil was really laying it heavy on the dramatics, brandishing his arms wildly.

Kevin's eyes widened in horror at his words. "Shit."

"Yeah," Neil nodded graveley. "Us Exy players have got to look out for each other. How else will we live to our potentials?"

Kevin looked like he was going to be sick. Quickly, he whipped open his laptop and began muttering questions on how to secretly disable smoke alarms.

"Junkie," Andrew muttered to Neil. Neil just hummed and pressed a kiss to the crook of his neck.

"Yeah," he whispered a few moments later. "Only for you."

Hmm. This was nice.

Andrew never could have imagined he would be the kind of guy to stumble over furniture while kissing his way through a room, and yet, here he was, crashing into tables and upturning chairs and tripping over bags.

He had Neil's fingers intertwined with his and was dragging him through the dorm, the kisses constantly pausing because Neil kept breaking off into small smiles and laughing into his neck. Every few steps, Andrew would take a look at his flushed junkie and absolutely forget about his plan to reach the bedroom, choosing instead to kiss him ferociously right there.

They were lucky that no one else was in the dorm.

When Andrew realized that it had taken them a solid seven minutes to walk about 15 feet past the door, he realized they would probably never reach an actual bed at the rate they were going. He told Neil as much and was rewarded with a shrug.

"I literally don't care where we end up," Neil said breathlessly before pulling him into another heated kiss. "I just wanna kiss you."

Andrew nearly snorted at that. How predictable. "I got that" he muttered. "But what do you want?"

Neil raised an eyebrow and deepened his voice mockingly. "I want nothing."

"You are actually so insufferable."

"Yeah, yeah," Neil waved him off and latched his mouth on Andrew's neck. Fuck. "Hmm," he said a few moments later. "Carry me?"

Andrew resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Ever since the junkie had seen how much he lifted at the gym a few weeks ago, this had become one of his favorite requests (and really, who was Andrew to deny him?).

Nevertheless, he leaned down and grabbed both of Neil's thighs, pushing him up until his legs were secured around Andrew's waist and Andrew could comfortably hold him up, his body flush against Andrew's.

Yeah, he got why Neil liked this so much.

He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to hold Neil up for though, considering that they actually had a game tomorrow and he didn't want to put up with Kevin's annoying complaints if he didn't try at least a bit. Andrew glanced around for a second before his eyes caught on the perfect place.

He adjusted his grip on Neil, causing him to let out an oof in surprise and carefully made his way to the kitchen (with only a slight amount of kissing in the middle). Andrew messily deposited Neil on the island counter and was promptly faced with another problem.

Neil was up there. Andrew was down here. How the hell were they supposed to make out now?

Andrew frowned slightly and tugged at Neil's collar. "Lean down," he commanded.

Neil complied and pressed a searing kiss to his lips, tugging at Andrew's hair, but too soon he pulled back.

At Andrew's 'yes or no?' Neil smiled down sheepishly. "It's a yes, but this angle's going to end up destroying my back."

That made no sense — whenever Andrew sat on the counter, he never had to lean down that much. He reasoned that the weight of being an Exy junkie was finally catching up to Neil's spine, though.

"Well," Andrew huffed. "I'm not going up on my toes."

"Why would you need to go on your toes?" Neil looked genuinely confused as Andrew frustratedly gestured at the air between them. "Wait, wait. Can you not reach me if I'm sitting up here?"

Andrew's thoughts came to a halt.

He pulled back (well, as much as he could while still staying in Neil's arms) and squinted suspiciously at his not-boyfriend. "Can you normally reach me when I sit up?"

"Well, yeah," Neil blinked. "I mean, I have to stretch a little bit but it's usually fine."

What.

Unceremoniously, Andrew yanked Neil off the counter and sat himself up (he pretended not to notice the stare that Neil gave when he flexed his arms). He hooked his ankles around Neil and dragged him closer, coming nearly forehead-to-forehead.

Forehead-to-forehead. Neil could reach him.

Andrew let out an uncharacteristic groan and dropped his head on Neil's surprisingly comfy shoulder. Neil snorted quietly and patted his head.

"It's okay, Drew," he said, his voice muffled but teasing as he pressed a kiss to the top of Andrew's head. "Maybe next time we can get you a stool or something. That'll be real attractive."

Andrew scowled and kicked him in the leg.

Neil's voice softened as he lowered his arms to rub soft circles on his back. "But I'm serious Andrew, it's okay." He pressed a soft kiss to Andrew's collarbone, the underside of his jaw, the corner of his lips. "Does this feel good?"

Andrew swallowed. Hiding from Neil was a fight he knew he'd lose, and there was no point prolonging the inevitable. "Yes."

"Then that's all I need. Making you feel good makes me feel good," he whispered. "I really like this, what we do right now. And if you want, we can still find more positions that feel really good. Don't stress, we have time."

"Hmm," Andrew said a few moments later. "That is all fine and well, but actually, we now only have about 20 minutes until Kevin comes back from class, and I would highly appreciate it if you could get me off sometime soon."

"Asshole. We were totally having a moment."

"Next to a bowl of apples."

"Rude. I bet those apples appreciated the conversation."

Andrew rolled his eyes at Neil's idiocy, but kissed him hard to convey everything he felt: you care, you listen, you are okay with me, you are safe for me. Neil seemed to get the message, because his body softened under Andrew's grip as he kissed him back eagerly.

When they finally pulled apart, Andrew felt heavy and sated and secure in the way he only associated with Neil. He looked into Neil's blown-out pupils, the blue peeking brightly at the edges of his eyes as he slowly brought Neil's hand to the waistband of his jeans.

"Right," Andrew tried for a nonchalant tone. The slight voice-crack may have betrayed him, but whatever. "Take off my pants now?"

South Carolina winters were shit.

Growing up in Oakland meant that he was pretty used to cold winters and hot summers, but usually things only got unbearably chilly at night, when he could pile tons of blankets on himself. Unfortunately, winters in the South brought biting wind and snow. All day long.

Andrew hated the cold (sure, he could walk around with a blanket draped over him like a cape in his dorm (he did. occasionally), but alas, he actually had a reputation to uphold)

And yet, when Nicky and Dan enthusiastically told Neil about their stupid plan and Neil had sent a stupid questioning gaze to Andrew's stupid face, he sure as fuck couldn't use "the cold" as an excuse to deny those eyes.

So he bundled up into a turtleneck, a sweater, a thin jacket and a snow one, a beanie, a pair of gloves, leggings and then sweatpants, and his warmest socks (Andrew decidedly ignored Neil's snickers, who was annoying dressed in just a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. how rude.)

The so-called Monsters trampled down to the parking lot outside the Tower, boots sinking deep into the snow. Andrew shivered at the sudden wind and if he walked a little closer to Neil's hot warm body — well, no one needed to know.

Within seconds of their arrival, Andrew was regretting coming out.

A massive snowball soared through the air and slammed into Aaron's face, who promptly fell on his ass from the force of it.

"What the fuck?" he sputtered, wiping snow out of his eyes.

"HA!" Reynolds hollered. "Take that!"

"Oh dear," Neil muttered. "I didn't expect this much violence from the start."

"We are Foxes," Andrew scoffed. "Violence is the whole point."

"Actually, there's this one piece of shit in my Stats class and he tried to tell me I was wrong — I wasn't, by the way — and instead of punching him, I just very mathematically proved how incompetent he was and I told him that his parents' miscalculation when it came to conceiving him evidently got passed on to him in the form of his nonexistent math skills. So. No violence."

Andrew wasn't sure if he should kiss Neil or smack him. "Right. Because verbal annihilation is a very tame response."

"Since when have you been such a peacemaker?"

"Renee."

"You two literally beat the shit out of each other every week."

Andrew shrugged. "Semantics."

"I really don't think— "

Their conversation was rudely interrupted by Matt throwing a snowball mere inches away from Andrew's face. At his glare, Matt promptly ran behind a car.

"Neil," Andrew sighed. "I hate you."

"I didn't force you to be here," Neil pointed out. "Could've said no. What did Nicky call you? 'Whipped.' So ha." With that profound statement, Neil ducked and dumped a handful of snow down the back of Andrew's shirt.

"Ha," Andrew said back smugly. "Layers." Neil looked betrayed.

"Layers. I forgot."

"I didn't."

"Asshole."

"Yup."

Neil scowled and kicked at Andrew's highly sturdy snow boots petulantly. Andrew refrained from rolling his eyes turned towards him. "Yes or no?"

"Oh," Neil perked up. Junkie. "Yes, yes."

Andrew jabbed him in the stomach and when Neil keeled over groaning, he pressed a kiss to his lips and shoved his head under Neil's chin.

"Personal heater," Andrew explained. Then he grabbed Neil's arms and tucked them around his waist. This was good.

"Right," Neil snorted. "Naturally. I can't wait until someone throws a snowball at your face and you get all cold and wet."

Andrew scowled. How rude.

"Oi, Minyard!" Dan called and Andrew sighed before wiggling around until he was facing her, back flush against Neil's front. "This is for drawing mustaches all over the pictures in the Court!"

Andrew raised an eyebrow. "You have no proof— "

His protests were cut off with the sight of a snowball hurtling full speed at him. He made to jump out of the way (maybe Exy was good for something after all), but Neil's arms around him proved to be a real hindrance.

As it was, he got jerked back into place, the snowball inches in front of him. Andrew shut his eyes, hoping he could use this as an excuse to drag Neil into the dorm to warm up, when he heard an "oof" from behind him.

Andrew twisted around to find Neil's face covered in an explosion of snow, water dripping down his shocked expression.

His eyelashes were nice. Hmm.

"Wh- What?" he shivered. "How is there snow on my face? Wasn't it supposed to land on you?"

Oh.

Andrew brushed off some snow that had settled on his cheekbones before stepping back a bit (still in Neil's arms. that was necessary). And Neil was right, it was odd, the snowball was supposed to hit him and instead, it had smashed itself on Neil.

"I believe," Andrew said slowly. "My height has proved to be advantageous."

"Advan— you mean you were so short the snowball literally missed you and hit me?!"

"Yup," Andrew felt extremely self-satisfied. "See, had you been shorter, this wouldn't have happened. Alas, there's just more of you to hit when you're tall."

"That— I— Andrew!"

"That's my name."

"Ugh. I am cold and wet and very much not liking this," Neil grumbled.

"Bet you wish you had as many jackets as me, huh?" Andrew crowed.

"You could always give one of them to me," Neil said as he yanked Andrew back against him.

"I could. Not feeling it, though."

"Bastard."

"Just a little," Andrew agreed. He tilted his head up to look at Neil and oh, that angle was good, his lips were right there, how did Andrew never notice that Neil's eyelashes framed his eyes so nicely?

Hmm. If this was the view, maybe his height had some... unforeseen perks that extended beyond snowball fighting.

"I win," Andrew told Neil seriously. At his confused expression, Andrew was forced to sigh out an explanation. "You are very pretty from down here."

"Oh?"

"Shut up."

"I think you're pretty too."

"198%."

"Kiss me?"

"Ugh, if you insist."

Andrew leaned up to press his lips to Neil, dutifully ignoring the cheers from behind him, as Neil placed a hand under his chin to tilt him up further, which felt very nice.

Yeah, Andrew was living the good life. He had a maybe-boyfriend who was the perfect height and a brother and cousin who might actually stay, and he was content and safe and— really fucking cold because there was a ball of snow sliding down his neck what the fuck what the fuck what the fu— .

"NICKY."

"Shit. Sorry!"

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es-kay-zee · 4 years ago

Text

Goodbyes part 2 | Hyunjin x Reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: none

requested: kinda? yeah?

word count: 2.1k

proofread: nope

taglist: @bxngchxn @jisungsplatforms @qtieskz

a/n: i couldn't be bothered making a new moodboard for this one so i'm just using the same one for part 1. maybe i'll make a new one tomorrow but not right now lol

____________________

Four days. It’s been four days since that phone call. And not a single one had gone by where Hyunjin didn’t cry himself to sleep while hugging your pillow. And every single one of those days, he’d dragged himself to practice and put on a face in front of the other boys, pretending that everything’s okay, when in reality he just wants to curl up into a ball and cry.

Four days and you still hadn’t been around to pick up your things. Being honest, he wished you already taken it all. It was getting harder. Coming home each day, expecting to find the apartment empty of your belongings. But when he walks through the door and finds everything in the exact same place as it was when he left in the morning gave him a false hope. A hope that maybe you won’t leave, that maybe you’ll come back and kiss him tell him that you’ll give him another chance. But knowing that that’s not going to happen just breaks his heart all over again.

It’s another two days before you show up. It’s 10 am on a Friday, and you didn’t want to come yet, knowing that the moment you do, it’ll feel real. That it’ll hit you like a truck that the best relationship of your life is truly over. But you didn’t want to wait too long either, after all, it’s better to rip the band-aid off quickly.

You slide the key into the lock, taking a deep breath before turning the handle and pushing the door open. The apartment is quiet, and something about stepping back into the place you called home feel uneasy. Almost as if you don’t belong there anymore. Similar to that feeling when you go to someone else’s house for the first time, and you don’t know how to act. That’s how you feel in the place you lived in for so long.

You close the door and take off your shoes, tightening your grip on the folded-up boxes in your arms. It feels weird. You don’t know what you were expecting but finding everything in the exact same place as it was when you last walked out seems strange. Things have changed, so why does every knick-knack remain in its place as if nothing were different.

You walk towards the bedroom, the only sound in the otherwise silent apartment is that of your soft footsteps on the hardwood flooring. You make it to the bedroom and place all the boxes down except for one. You open it up and step closer to your drawers of clothes, and slowly start placing the clothing into the box. You continue like this for a while, silently packing until your drawers are empty. There’s something about the silence of the house that makes you not want to make a sound. Normally you’d put on a playlist and dance as you pack, but not this time.

You move over to your bedside table, planning to start placing more of your things into various boxes. But in the corner of your eye, you stop something on your pillow that you hadn’t seen earlier. It’s a note. A piece of paper that’s been folded up neatly and placed gently on the pillow. Your name is written tidily on the front in Hyunjin’s handwriting, and just the sight alone almost has you crying. Part of your mind tells you to just scrunch up the piece of paper and toss it aside, but a bigger part of you desperately wants to read it. And so, you slowly pick up the note, take a seat on the edge of the bed, unfold it, and start reading.

dearest y/n

you said i probably wouldn’t be here when you come to pick up your stuff. so i decided to write you this so i can tell you what i want to say. well, assuming that you’ll actually read this, which i hope you do. i really really really hope you read this. gosh, i’m getting off track, sorry.

i want to tell you again just how sorry i am. but i know that no matter how many times i say it, and no matter what way i say it, it will never truly convey just how sorry i am. i wish from the bottom of my heart that this didn’t happen. i wish that i wasn’t such a dick and that i was there when you needed me. i have no excuse for not responding to you or calling you for so long. i’m so so sorry for hurting you. i’m not going to ask for your forgiveness, because i wouldn’t forgive myself if i were you. i already can’t forgive myself. all i want is to tell you how sorry i am, and how much i love you. and seeing as i can’t tell you in person, this note will have to do.

i love you, y/n. ever since we met, you’ve brought me more joy that i ever thought i could otherwise feel. you have the ability to make me laugh and blush like a teenager in love. you make my heart feel warm every time i see you. every time i get a message from you i smile. you make me feel safe and comfortable and i know that i can be vulnerable around you. you make me so giddy with happiness and love. i still get butterflies in my stomach every time i see you or talk to you. you make me smile like an idiot and it’s far too often that the boys have asked me why i’m smiling at my phone. you know that feeling when you’re so happy and smiley that it makes you feel all tingly in the best way? yeah, that’s how you make me feel. you make me laugh and you make me feel confident in myself. even when i feel like everything is crumbling around me, i know that you’re there to help me through. you’ve always been there for me when i need a shoulder to cry on and you have no idea just how much i regret not being there for you when you needed a shoulder. every single day i’m grateful that i got the chance to meet you and i’m especially grateful for the time that i got to call you mine. you’ll always have a special place in my heart. it hurts me when you’re hurting, and for me to be the reason that you’re upset and crying is the worst feeling in the world and i wish with everything i have that i was better. i’m so sorry, and i love you to the moon and back a billion times over.

love from hyunjin

The tears that you managed to keep at bay earlier fall freely now, a few dripping onto the page. Your fresh tears mix with Hyunjin’s dried ones at the bottom of the note, and you’re just glad they avoid smearing any of the ink. There’s a part of you, the part that wanted to discard the note without a second thought, that wants to hate Hyunjin. That wants to hate him for what he did, for making you feel so alone when you needed him. But you can’t. You’ve tried to listen to that part of you ever since you walked out of the apartment weeks ago. But you can’t bring yourself to hate him. It’s not easy when you’ve spent so long loving him. You reach into your pocket, pulling out your phone. You open your contacts and hit Hyunjin’s name, typing out a message to send to him.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Hyunjin sits in the corner, taking a momentary breather from the dance. He’s been going overboard with practicing lately, trying to distract himself from the situation. And it’s worked, until he’s gotten back to the apartment where he’s reminded that you’re gone. His phone buzzes, showing a message from you.

y/n <3: are you busy?

He quickly types back, asking why you’re asking. He hits send, his heart racing, shocked that you’re messaging him. His phone buzzes again with your response.

y/n <3: i was gonna ask if you could come to the apartment but if you’re busy then i won’t

Hyunjin jumps up, walking over the Chan and showing him the message.

“Can I go?” he asks, itching to run out the door and head straight over to you.

“Yeah, okay, you can,” Chan answers. He’s the only person that Hyunjin’s told about what happened, and he’s been worried about the younger man. “If any of the staff asks where you are, I’ll tell them you felt sick and went home.”

Hyunjin nods, says his thanks and rushes out the door. He doesn’t stop until he reaches the apartment door, making the trip in record time. But as he reaches for the handle, he halts. This will be the first time he sees you in person since he left for tour. And it’s not until now that he starts to think about why you messaged. Maybe you read the message, maybe you want to keep the apartment and have him move out instead of you, maybe you want to say goodbye one last time in person. The only way for him to know for certain is to open the door and face you. He’s nervous, but he still opens the door with shaking hands.

“Y/n?” he calls out while closing the door and removing his shoes.

“Bedroom,” is your response, and Hyunjin’s breath hitches at the sound of your voice. He missed the sound; it’s been too long since he’s last heard your voice without you sounding like you’re crying. He heads towards the bedroom, taking one last deep breath before rounding the corner and seeing you. It takes everything in him. Everything to not immediately run up to you and engulf you in a hug just the way he wanted to when he first came home.

You pat the spot on the bed next to you, signalling for him to come and sit. He does just that, slowly walking over, not taking his eyes off of you. He’s missed you too much to look away. If this is the last time he gets to see you, he doesn’t want to miss a single moment. You don’t even look at him yet, instead keeping your eyes trained on your hands in your lap. You both sit in silence for a moment, neither of you wanting to speak first.

“I read the note,” you say, holding up the piece of paper in your hands for a brief moment. You pause, waiting to see if he’s going to say anything, but he doesn’t. “Do you really mean everything you wrote?”

“I do, I mean every last word. I love you so much and I’m so incredibly sorry for not answering any of your messages. It was stupid and I regret it so much.” You finally look up at him, and you find his eyes welling with tears.

“I need you to know how much it hurt me, and that I can’t forgive you. Not yet anyway. But what I can do is give you one more chance. As long as you promise not to do it again. Because if you hurt me like this again, then I will leave, and I won’t come back at all.”

“I promise! I promise that I will never do this again. I promise to be there for you when you need me, and I promise to never hurt you ever again.” It makes you giggle quietly, the way he hold his pinkie finger up to make a pinkie promise. It’s the way you’ve always promised each other things, so you don’t think twice as you link your finger with his. “So does this mean you’re not gonna leave?”

“Yeah,” you say, finally smiling. And Hyunjin’s heart warms at the sight. He loves your smile, it’s one of his favourite things in the entire world. He’s often said that if he were only able to see one thing for the rest of his life, it would be your beautiful smile. “Kiss me?”

You don’t have to ask twice before Hyunjin presses his lips to yours. It’s sweet, the emotions he pours into the kiss. Through it you can feel just how much he loves you, just how much he cares about you. You can feel the sorrow he’s felt and the guilt that’s eaten away at him. The pain, the heartbreak, but most of all you can feel the overwhelming joy he feels at being able to call you his again. But you’re just happy to finally be kissing your boyfriend for the first time in months.

#stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #skz angst #skz x reader #hyunjin fluff

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dreamiesdotcom · 4 years ago

Text

rule #6 | l.dh

Summary: With Donghyuck, growing to love feels like a black hole, but not the depressing kind. Rather, it's something hard to get away from — like a force, a very strong force that allows no escape, and it's incredibly luminous as if going supernova.

Word Count: 3.5k

a/n: hi, this is moon from somewhere august, scheduling this post before i chicken out again :D by the time it's posted, it's already Christmas so,,, merry christmas y'all who celebrate!!!! Lots of love!!!

Just like most things involving Donghyuck, falling in love with him isn't such a good idea.

That was way too sped up, though. The best way to start this story, of course, is from the very beginning— the day human migraine number one (a.k.a Jaemin) decided to bring in evil genius Huang Renjun to the circle. That would've been fine. It just so happened that beside him sat the devil incarnate, Lee Donghyuck, and that, well, is totally all four directions far away from what's acceptable.

Rule number one to surviving this life thing: Never trust cute boys with sunshine smiles and mischief in their eyes, a.k.a Donghyuck, or Haechan, whatever name he decided to go by. That's why when he reaches his hands out over the table to your direction, you quickly dismiss his attempt — "Hi! I haven't met you yet, did you skip first period? You're Y/N, ri—"

"Please never speak to me." was your reply then, and human migraine number two (a.k.a Chenle) laughs. Jaemin nags for the rest of the break, talking about manners and getting along. The fools nod alongside him. You grumble, moody for no reason and feeling particularly mean, but you warmly smile at Mark when he arrives at your table. Somewhere along the lines, you met stares with the new boy, and you give him an indifferent look.

Donghyuck took the nonchalance as a challenge.

###

The following weeks have been infuriating.

Rule #2: At all times, seek Lee Jeno's company. Unreliable as he seems when it comes to patience, the boy is quite reasonable sometimes.

Your windows align with the sweet-faced boy, your roofs almost touching — if you tried hard enough, you two could sit together, side by side, just like this. Cold wind blows, but it doesn't make you shiver. Jeno's warm, and maybe that's why you love cuddling with him so much. Maybe.

Just maybe, that could be the reason.

"I can't hear what you're saying," he slowly says, laughter seeping through his lips. You whine at that, moving away so he could see you and you could speak clearly. His hand remains holding your chin up, endearing in a soft way, but it doesn't wash away your frown. "What were you saying?"

You groan, "I said, he's so annoying! The audacity, Lee Jeno, he had the audacity to call me ba—"

Jeno watches you with tender eyes. Your heart softens, and you forget whatever next words you had to say. Maybe things will be okay? He's here, after all. Just right next door.

At least, something is going right.

###

This new boy, it seems, is appealing to many. During his first week, people have constantly trying to 'show him around', and that excuse doesn't die down until one month. From then on, people just keep following him around with "Good morning, Haechan!", "Goodbye, Haechan!" and "How was the weekends for you, Haechan-ssi?"

To be honest, it's something you had to grow used to even way before the showed up. Having Na Jaemin and Mark Lee from the Basketball team in your circle just really has a way of putting the spotlight on your lunch table. Not to mention, Renjun, Jeno, and Jisung, who despite being quiet, just has a certain charm to them — Jaemin's words, not yours. And oh, don't even get started on Chenle. That boy is a social butterfly.

The difference is that he keeps entertaining them, unlike the others who awkwardly laughs or just greets back — safe to say that sometimes, the 'goodness' of his heart gets in the way of your education and daily life. Times just like this.

Jisung's name shines brightly at the top of the list. You cling to the boy excitedly, pinching his cheeks and slightly bouncing on your heels, "You made it on the dance team, Sungie! Oh my God, oh my Go—"

"Y/N..." he drawls out, both hands resting on your shoulder as if to calm you down, but the excitement in his eyes betrays his intentions. On the other side, Renjun waves at you with the others. It makes you chuckle, and you motion for them come — that is, of course, until someone pushes you, almost sending you to the ground if not for Jisung catching you midfall.

The girl furrows her brows, "Move, you're blocking the way."

Your palms itch at that moment, and you couldn't believe just what you heard — the nerve!

"Where's your manners?" rings Donghyuck's voice from where he's slowly making way towards you with the others, a grimace on each of their faces. Attitude seeps from his gaze, the kind that would've made someone quiver. "Don't go around pushing people."

"Wh—"

"Stop." you clench your hands to fists, thanking Jisung before straightening up. Through gritted teeth, you calmly look at the girl with a scowl on her face. "Look, I'm sorry, but can you politely ask me to move next time? That's be appreciated, thank you."

After bidding the others a small smile, you turn around to make your way to the library. What? For peace? For space? Just to be as far away from the boy following you right now as possible? You don't even know at this point. You feel like your celebration is ruined and all you want is distance from the person you dislike the most — to be honest, you don't know anything about him aside from the fact that he's Lee Donghyuck and that he's annoying, and that you automatically hate him. You don't plan on knowing more. That's why before entering the library, you turn around to face him with a solemn look.

"Thank you." he halts in shock. His smile widens, but you look at him with the same seriousness in your face. "But don't do it again. I don't need saving, Lee Donghyuck."

Later that night, you grit your teeth as you write down another rule: Say your gratitude but don't get used to the way he saves you. You're not a damsel. Just hand the goddamn sword or you'll be fine with your fists — maybe your eyes for daggers, too.

####

Rule #3: Never go to him for comfort.

22nd of April, 10:35 p.m. You close your eyes and wait. The clock hits eleven and you open the door for the others, greeting everyone with a cheerful smile. "Where's Jaemin?"

Mark shrugs, "Said he has an essay. He'll be late for a bit, but he'll make it before 12."

23rd of April, 12:00 a.m, your heartbeat races. Everything's all set, everyone's in the living room. You take out your phone with a giggle, typing out 'Happy Birthday, dummy!!!' with the biggest grin on your face. Jisung judges you slightly, but he quickly forgets it when a taunting yell from Renjun comes. You sit in the kitchen, staring at the delicately decorated cake, and you wait.

One hour turns to two, then three. Your smile fades slightly, and you check your phone for replies. When nothing comes, you click over his contact shakily.

To: Star <3

Happy Birthday, dummy!!!

Hey, Jen? You're one door away from me and yet you're an hour late.

Birthday boy, you're not ditching us on your own celebration, aren't ya?

When are you coming over ;-;

From: Star <3

I'm sorry!!!

Sorry but I'll be late!

Jaeminnie really needs my help with something.

We'll be there! I'm sorry, Y/N

Your smile disappears. Sullenly making your way to the living room, you count your steps to keep your ground. You look at the others in front of you with a smile, "Go start the movie, I'll wait for Jeno and Jaemin outside. Deal?"

"Sure." Chenle chirps, his grin never fading. Must be because of cheating his way through besting Jisung, Donghyuck, Mark, and Renjun at Monopoly for the past three hours, probably ruining their friendship. Oblivious to the world, Renjun grumbles something about Jeno never being punctual, that he'd pray that trait onto him as a birthday gift. You glance at them before heading back outside, sitting down outside your door, head in between your knees.

A tear. Maybe two. Is this how heartbreak feels like? The kind of crying where you can't even make a sound because people could hear, but then even your teardrops seem to be so loud.

The door opens and you put your head up, hurriedly wiping them away. You put on your best smile until Donghyuck occupies the space beside you. He hands you a handkerchief.

"Don't," he whispers when you obviously hold down a sob, and he leans you on his chest. You cry freely there — you don't know why you let him of all people, but all you know was that you couldn't think straight; desperation blooms on your chest like fresh flowers die over time, and he doesn't judge. He just holds you — no cheesy pet name, no flirty looks, no catch. Just someone to be with.

At 4 a.m with Lee Donghyuck, the starless sky and the moon all alone looks a little less lonely. In front of you, the sun begins to rise.

Rule #4: Aaaaand if you don't follow the preceding rule, then, you're fucked. This is your mess. Good luck, you're alone on this one.

After Jeno's birthday (and after he made up to you, he spent a month doing that.) something just begins to change. A pleasant shift, according to Mark.

From that day, something in you says that maybe, just maybe, he's not so bad and you were just unfair to him. This realization must be something brought by time; slowly, you got used to Renjun and Hyuck being a part of your circle. These tutoring sessions must be a factor as well, judging how to two get to spend time alone in the same table as you can't possibly study with the others around you.

Donghyuck would do anything to evade mathematics, though. At least that's what it looks like right now, as he doodles around the margins instead of solving the problems, and then opens a topic, "Nana and Jisung looks cute together. Should've known they wouldn't be serious with each other, him and Jeno."

You roll your eyes, but not the way you did back then. It's way softer, much more affectionate. "It's been a year, let them be."

"So what? It's only been a year." he seems really determined to waste time. He even makes a show of briefly making eye contact before pouting at the paper, "You and Jeno still pretend to be just friends, but the whole school's just waiting for you two to kiss."

You chuckle, "We don't."

"You do."

"Used to." you correct. You look over to the other table, Jaemin and Jeno throwing a banter while Jisung begs them to stop before Renjun smacks them all with a book. You gaze down the notes you're studying before shrugging, "Things change."

"Example?" he tentatively asks, absentmindedly tracing the letters and numbers scattered around his notebook. You rest your chin on your palm.

"Well, now, I might like you." because honestly, you do. He's a great company, although sometimes overwhelming and annoying. Especially that most of the time when he's with Jaemin, they brew the worst ideas together and it's pretty much storm from there.

It would be a lie to say that it's not one of the things that makes you feel warm, slowly growing fond. Your voice softens as he tilts up to meet your gaze, and you flash him a saccharine smile. "Soon, it might not be because you're my friend."

Things like this make you feel like you've missed everything with Jeno, all the things you both could've had; it's like you should've been like this. It's like you should've been holding hands, or walking down the streets, or sitting on a rooftop and asking for a kiss. The kind that would send a rush of energy on your veins, shaking you back to life, losing you to the dream that is the way his lips move against you. But best friends don't do that, so you don't.

Hyuck is not Jeno, though. He's not your best friend.

With Donghyuck, growing to love feels like a black hole, but not the depressing kind. Rather, it's something hard to get away from — like a force, a very strong force that allows no escape, and it's incredibly luminous as if going supernova.

###

Rule #5: Well, seems like you can't back out now. Love him. Love him so much that the sunshine in his eyes never fades.

"Why are we celebrating Mark's last day in town?" Donghyuck sits down in the living room, looking around at the place — balloons, snacks, a cake, everyone in your friend group. He sets down his gift, "Are we that glad that he's leaving?"

Mark huffs, "You'd fucking cry once you miss me and I'm cities away, Lee Donghyuck."

"I won't miss you because I'm coming over to your dorm every day and I'm dragging everyone with me." Donghyuck smiles and even when Mark shoves him a little at that, everyone knows that he's happy the younger said that. He flashes his sly smile, "You, however... ah, what do we do? Mark might miss me so much he fails three subjects."

Everyone cackles at that, and Mark only raises his arms at surrender, saying something about not joking like that because he's honestly 'terrified to start hell', wanting to just stay here and finish school with all of you, ranting about how troublesome it is to transfer. You lean back on your loveseat, lightly kicking Hyuck's feet. "What?"

"You talk like this but you'd sulk tomorrow, wouldn't you?" You taunt, snickering. "This is false advertising."

Donghyuck gapes as the others fall over laughing. "Oi, are you trying to help me fill out all the ten reasons I hate you?"

"You have only ten for me?" you add, and for some reason, that makes the others laugh harder. "I have a hundred for you, Hyuckie."

"I could write you thousands—"

Jeno scrunches his face, hands moving to cover Donghyuck's mouth. "Just please go kiss each other."

Donghyuck tears away from his hold, rolls his eyes, and waves goodbye. He tugs you away from Jaemin and then leads you upstairs, but not before one last banter with Jeno, who, in his all confused expression, tilts his head in question, "Ya, where are you going?"

"I'm not kissing Y/N in front of you fools."

And true to his word, that's what he does.

Donghyuck smiles like the world is kind, like unending unconditional love, without boundaries nor fears. He kisses like that, too, passionate and deep. He does it like it's the end of the world, as if it's the only thing he wants to do. He does it like he's thanking every single thing that led him up to this moment. He kissed you under those stars in his balcony, a hand warm on your waist with the other softly caressing your jaw, and it seemed like it lasted forever.

Because that's the truth. The last time never feels like the last time. There had to be more to this than what the skies have laid down.

Inside your dreamy little mind, Donghyuck was eternal and the love you shared was forever. That's what happened. You thought you had forever.

You thought you had forever, but you didn't.

###

Rule #6: But that won't make him stay if he's bound to leave. Accept that and love him, still. Love him through the rain.

"Lee Jeno tripped!" yells Chenle's loud voice, gaining the attention of everybody in the room, "And fell in love with Y/N, totally whipped that they can't even shop separately!"

"Hell, Chenle, where's your mute button?" Renjun hissed, "We gotta buy presents too. Who decided to do this so late, though? It's the 24th! You guys should've done it weeks ago!"

"Let's go?" Jeno asks, blatantly ignoring Renjun as he waits for you to take his hands. You smirk, waving the folded paper to the others after entwining fingers with him.

"Bye, losers! See y'all later~" you wink. Before being dragged out the Cafe, you point at your friends' direction "Whoever had my name better give me a decent gift, or Christmas is cancelled!"

"Baby, stop that," he asks, squeezing your hands to make you calm down. Your laugh even louder. He smiles, "Who did you get?"

"Hey, Lee, you don't get special treatment just because I'm dating you. It's a secret." you roll your eyes, a skip in your step even though the weather is cold. Jeno steals a peck on your cheeks, and your eyes widen. "Lee Jeno!"

Before you could even catch him, he's already running away from you, and you're almost falling over laughing as you try to catch up to him. He meets you at the end, in front of a busy mall, and catches you with a hug. You laugh on his chest, warm against his hold.

If memories come washing over you, no one has to know. Jeno looks lovely against white. He feels like art on a Christmas day, so beautiful and warm and special. That's all that matters.

"We agreed that we wouldn't try..." Donghyuck whispers, arms around you, "if things will get too harsh on the other, didn't we?"

"Yeah... if I was to leave, Hyuck, I don't want you waiting on me." you responded, half-asleep and sincere, "But I'm only saying it because I'm not leaving."

Donghyuck laughed, "Well, just making sure that if that happens, we'll meet again, yeah?"

"Hyuck, shut up. Nobody's leaving." you groaned, stirring at the joyful yelling downstairs. "Looks like it's 12 already. Merry Christmas, baby."

"Mhm, Merry Christmas. I love you." He smiles, leaves a slow, gentle kiss on your lips. "I love you. I'll love you even more this year."

Does moving away without a word count as loving someone more than you did the past year?

"You're spacing out." Jeno smiles, "Am I that handsome?"

"You always are. Stunning." you quickly reply, a little guilty. You enter the busy room and part ways so that you could shop for your gifts, but not before deciding on a meeting point and leaving a sweet, loving kiss. "Come back, yeah?"

"Of course." he nods before parting ways. Your heart remains at peace — as planned, at the end of the day, Jeno would come back to you at the entrance. He won't leave like the other did. He won't do that to you...

Two hours before Christmas, you sit down on your own for a bit, occasionally distracted by the noise. At their loudness, you can make out Mark trying to calm everybody down, Jaemin threatening murder to keep Jisung and Mark away from the kitchen, Jeno convincing Chenle to get a dog. As you write down their yearly letters, you can't get rid of the smile on your face.

Why they decided to spend this holiday at yours, you don't really understand. Can't say you're against it, though. It's perfect; the tree all of you built together, the presents, the games you'll spend the night playing. The friendship.

Only that someone's missing. As if to lessen the pain, you write his name down on the paper — except it's not a new one, but rather, the page you've been foolishly writing your rules on; the rules that never stood a chance to save you. You trace your hands over the words, but you quickly shake nostalgia away as you turn the page over.

Hello, Donghyuck-ah!

You know the drill. For some time, you received some of my letters, didn't you? After all, we spent some years together... as enemies, as friends, as lovers. You probably memorized how it goes: I'll dwell on the year, I'll tell you how I chose your gift, I'll try to say how much I adore you, and then I'll thank you for being here.

Unfortunately this time, I can't tell you how our year went... I didn't spend it with you. I wasn't able to get you a gift, too, because I don't know if your preferences changed. And I can't thank you for being here. I can't because you're not.

Though I could still tell you that I love you, now it's kind of different. It's less of something that desperately needs you, and more of the kind that longs for you. Jeno and I got together at last. It's complicated how we happened, but we gave it a try and... just. That. You won't read this, but I still want you to know... even if this will never reach you.

Remember that we said that we'll meet again? Well, where are you? Are you happy? How's life been, miles away from home, from your friends, Hyuck-ah?

Merry Christmas. I hope you're happy.

I hope you are, of course, I do. I want you to be happy, I do. I can't wish for anything more — I want you to be happy... just that I hope you're sad sometimes, too, just like me... because of me. I want your heart to break sometimes too. I want you to cry sometimes too. In those empty spaces, I want you to remember me.

And I know you won't do any of that, but in my twisted imagination, you do. And you are.

You're the happiest you could be, but not that much — not happy enough that you'd forget me.

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yonymii · 4 years ago

Text

begin again

a/n; this is p old but I needed to put content out since I've not been writing lmao,, I should probably do that

genre; fluff, friends to lovers,

warnings; cursing, she/her pronouns used for y/n <3

wordcount; 1.7k

Tendo had no idea how he’d gotten into a class with no one from the volleyball team this year. Not even one of his friends was in the room; the redhead sighed loudly as he swiveled in his chair, doing a full 360° spin to take in his new and unfamiliar surroundings.

Despite having been at Shiratorizawa High for a year already, the idea of him being in his second year was completely foreign, his brain short-circuiting when he realised he was a teenager now, not a child running around the park and tripping over his scooter with his neighbor anymore.

It was painful just to think about that anymore.

y/n had left without a word, their house full of life one day, the enticing smell of pork dumplings and her mother’s ramen wafting out of the open kitchen window, and empty the next, removals vans taking away the family’s belonging to god knows where.

He’d cried that night, after his mom and dad had kissed his forehead goodnight and he’d gone upstairs to his room, switching on the fairy lights that lined his walls and turning off the main ones, his speaker playing a random playlist he found on Spotify a few minutes prior.

That had been four years ago. Tendo decided to stop thinking about y/n, the way her hair used to fly out behind her head as she chased him, her eyes sparkling and skin glowing in the late afternoon sun; lips stretched into a huge grin showing her mismatched middle school teeth.

“Goodmorning, second years! I’m Mr. Date, your Japanese Literature teacher for the rest of the year. Please take out your things, we’ll begin our first lesson of the year now.”

Tendo’s teacher stood by the blackboard, writing out his name and their class number in the corner for the students to copy out onto the front of their textbooks, the chalk crumbling under the pressure and coating his fingers with white dust.

“Okay everyone. Now we’ve gotten that over and done with, I'll go over my rules. Please pay attention!” the teenagers nodded, Tendo scribbling on a scrap piece of paper loudly. Mr Date only looked at him funnily before going back to reciting his class rules.

“Eating is prohibited in my classroom, and, as i’m sure you’re all aware, everywhere else in the school except from your dorms and the lunch hall,” he paused and a kid with a brown mullet spoke. He had his feet up on the desk and his tie was loose, shirt untucked. “What about hallways, sir?”

Their teacher shook his head, “not in hallways, either. Take your feet off of the table and tuck your shirt in, please.” the kid grumbled about his appearance not mattering but proceeded to do as he was told, sitting back in his chair once more.

“Okay! My last point for you all is that I absolutely HATE it when anyone is late, so-” at that moment, the door burst open with a tremendous force, slamming against the board and startling Mr Date so much he dropped the chalk in his hand. Tendo’s eyes lazily wandered to the figure standing in the doorway. Their leg was at a 90° angle, foot flexed from having to kick the door open, and on their face was a triumphant smirk.

“That was a good one. I waited till you got to that part of your rules before you came in sir, did you like it?” the teacher blinked, cheeks going pink from anger. The girl put her foot down, smoothing over her skirt and loosening her tie to unbutton the top button of her blouse. She stalked over to the empty seat at the back, on the way there stating her name.

“y/n l/n. I just joined this year. Got lost so i was only here five minutes ago.” she mused, slumping backwards and pulling out a new textbook, writing down her details and pushing it to the top left corner of her desk. Tendo looked her up and down, recognising her from somewhere, but it was early, and he couldn’t quite recall it until all the cogs in his brain finally clicked.

“y/n l/n. I just joined this year.”

She just had to show up just when he’d stopped thinking about her.

There was just one thing though; she was being an absolute dickhead. This wasn’t how he remembered the sweet, kind, thoughtful y/n from elementary school. She’d never have openly defied a teacher or been late to a class.

But people change. He had to remind himself. God, he’d changed. Not just her.

“Meet me after class, Miss l/n.” a few of tendo’s classmates snickered behind their hands, turning to their friends to grin. y/n seemed totally indifferent though, as if what she’d done was the most normal thing in the world.

The rest of Mr Date’s class was just him analysing a famous piece of writing with the class to assess their skills. y/n, he noticed, only got two out of the five questions he asked correct, but the redheaded boy supposed two was better than none at all; he also noticed she had her airpods in for the whole lesson, hair concealing the white earbuds from their teacher’s view.

After class, Tendo decided to wait outside for her before heading to lunch to see the rest of the team. He heard his teacher raise his voice from behind the closed door, shouting at her for humiliating him. There was no reply, then a few more words from Mr Date, and y/n came strolling out of the classroom, turning the corner and bumping into his chest.

“y/n?” he spoke, voice hushed in case he startled her or drew unwanted attention. She raised her head, their eyes meeting for the first time in years and her gorgeous orbs widened in recognition, her breath hitching before she reached up to poke his cheek.

Tendo giggled at the gesture, and y/n smiled genuinely, pink lips curling upwards at his familiar features, all red hair and crimson eyes, “hi tendo!” she chirped, raising herself up onto her tiptoes so they could speak at eye-level.

The redhead cupped her cheek delicately, taking in her new appearance and personality. Of course, just as he’d assumed, the persona she’d used in class was just a veil, easily pulled away by the people she trusts; underneath it all was the same friendly girl he’d known all his life, full of joy and energy, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet expectedly.

Maybe she hadn’t changed too much after all.

A blush had spread across Tendo’s face, creeping up his neck, the familiar warmth caressing his cheeks and highlighting his bone structure. The yellowing hallways lights were dim, the few windows offering little light in this section of the school. He felt his throat tighten involuntarily when he remembered how she’d left him all those years ago.

He saw her eyes getting teary as they walked to the yard at the back of the campus that no one really used anymore since the sun didn’t reach the area. Y/n found the pair a spot of ground just within the reaches of the golden rays, a soft smile adorning her features as she sat cross legged, patting the concrete beside her to beckon Tendo over.

He obliged, crouching down and then stretching his feet out in front of him. The tape on his fingers had started to peel in the heat and he picked nervously at the edges, biting his lip nervously as he heard y/n’s voice break the silence.

“Uhm.. how have you been, Ten?”

It was like honey, soft and inviting, whispered and carried away on the breeze that brushed their knees and ruffled their hair. The girl set her blazer down on a clean spot of the ground, careful not to get it too dirty on her first day.

“Honestly? Pretty fucking shit.” Her heart sunk at his words and Tendo barely heard the ‘I’m sorry,’ that tumbled out of her lips quicker than it should have. Y/n knew it was her fault for leaving him, but she didn’t have a choice? How do you when your father is killed in an accident overseas? When your family’s source of money fades from your life?

“I should’ve told you, it was an ass move and i swear Ten, there hasn’t been a day where i haven’t regretted not saying anything,” y/n sucked in a shaky breath, “but in my middle school brain, i figured it would have hurt more if you knew. That’s all.”

Tendo nodded, knuckles grazing over the back of her hand gently. “Why did you leave, though? What was the point?”

“Dad, uhh.. Remember he went to South Korea on a business trip that week?” the redhead hummed, remembering the solemn look on the girl’s face when she’d walked into class after her dad had left.

“Yeah. Is he okay? Did he leave you?”

y/n’s gaze was fixated on the floor, lips trembling but her voice came out, albeit quietly, “he was in an accident and passed away in his car a few days before we left. I- i didn’t know. Mom didn’t tell me till we got there.”

Tendo was silent. The wind whistled through the drainage pipes and picked up y/n’s hair, the strands tangling together and catching in her eyelashes. He decided not to speak, just pulling her into his chest was enough to let her know that he was there.

“y/n?” he said after a good twenty minutes of holding her. She hummed, head on his chest and eyes closed, breaths fanning out across his white shirt. “Can we, uhh… get to know each other again?”

He felt her lips curl upwards, the image of her nose scrunching up as she did so being pulled to the forefront of his mind. Tendo felt the girl nod, and he smiled with her, leaning down to nestle his face into her hair, humming a tune which she recognised as the strange little thing he sang at volleyball matches.

“Ten?”

“Hmm?” his eyelids fluttered closed at the sound of her voice.

“Let’s begin again, okay?”

tags; @thegreatk1ng @wissaaltje @gigis-galaxy @kekozume

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panic-at-the-fiction · 4 years ago

Text

Hello Darling pt3

Summary: (y/n) is the salvatores younger sister and she is low key in love with one of the originals. You know which one. The only problem is he is a low key psychopath and neither of them remember that this isn’t their first meeting.

Warnings: just harmless flirting

A/N: I’ve been in love with Kol Mikaelson for 3 days now. I’m being forced to watch vampire diaries with my mom and Kol and the rest of the original family are like the only reason I’m still watching it.

You hadn't gotten any sleep last night. You spent 3 hours in the emergency room with Matt because he wouldn't drink your blood. He didn't want to risk becoming a vampire. But you were trying to be a nice person nowadays so you respected his decision and waited with him at the ER. You didn't get home till 4 in the morning, and it took you at least an hour to get out of that stupid dress you had worn. You really wish you hadn't had gone to that stupid party. It had been filled with one disappointment after another, but now you were home in your apartment. With no annoying brothers, no doppelgänger sluts, and no originals. The sun was coming up and you were finally able to get some sleep for the day.

You didn't wake up till about 12 in the afternoon. By the time you showered and left your apartment it was already 1 o'clock so you were shocked when you arrived at your brothers house in time to see Rebekah Mikaelson leaving in the same dress she had worn to the party the night before. She only ignored you and walked out of the house. Not even making eye contact with you.

Damon walked down the stairs barely dressed after having obviously just taken a shower.

"What was Rebekah doing here?" You knew exactly what she had been doing, but you needed your brother to admit it.

"She was just leaving." He smiled and walked away trying to ignore your question. You followed him into the library.

"No Damon, I mean why was she here in the first place?"

"I may or may not have gotten drunk and brought her back here after Elena shut me down last night." He poured himself a drink.

You couldn't help but laugh at your ass of an older brother. It was only a couple hours ago that he accused you of sleeping with an original and here he is brushing off his one night stand like it didn't matter that he's a big fat hypocrite. "You know what? Eat Shit Damon."

"Aww come on (y/n) so what if I slept with Rebekah. Why do you care?"

"I care because last night when you weren't busy fawning over Elena you were slut shaming me for being around an original but today you're sleeping with one of them like it's no big deal. So yeah, Damon. eat shit and see if I care!" You stormed out of the house, not wanting to be around your brother any longer. He was a jerk and he never made an effort to apologize for it. Not like he did with Stefan at least.

You decide it was best if you went back to not caring and day drinking. So you headed back to the mystic grill and picked back up where you left off yesterday, half way through a bottle of whiskey.

By the time ten o'clock rolled around you were on your fourth bottle of whiskey and you were starting to crave something stronger, something that didn't come from a bottle. You looked around the room eyeing everyone in the bar. It was really packed since it was ten-o'clock on a Saturday. You were sizing everybody up to see who you could snatch away and take a bite out of. You notice some girl walking towards the bathroom. You quickly finished your drink and tried to go after the girl. But when you turned to leave your seat Kol was standing in front of you, blocking you from going after the girl.

"Hello Darling, I see your day drinking again. Whiskey of all things. Most girls are into champagne and fruity cocktails nowadays but you really aren't must girls are you." He set his coat on the back of the chair and set down next to you at the bar.

You really didn't want to see Kol right now or really ever. You saw another girl head to the bathroom so you gave up trying to feed from them and refilled your whiskey glass. "Not like most girls? Was that supposed to be a complement? You're gonna have to do better than that after what you did." You kept staring at the wall in front of you. You didn't want to look at him right now. Hell you didn't want him to be there right now.

"Oh yes how is the quarterback? All hyped on vampire juice and healed now?"

"No, he wouldn't take my blood. I had to sit in the ER with him all last night."

"Oh so is that why you're here drinking?"

"Why are you here Kol?" You turned to face him.

"Would you believe if I said that I care about your problems?" You rolled your eyes and you could tell he was just being sarcastic. "Yeah I wouldn't either. I'm not usually the one to care about other people and their problems. That was usually Elijah. Though I do feel different after having been daggered and living in a coffin for so long maybe I can give it go. So how about you tell me your problems and I'll tell you mine?"

You ignored him, just went back to staring at the wall and drinking your whiskey. "Well fine then I'll start first. Today my brother and my mother tried to kill me and all of my siblings, but then your brothers accidentally stopped them by killing my brother, permanently this time, before my mother could complete her spell. So now she's off in the wind trying to figure out how to finish us off."

He took the whiskey bottle from you and grabbed an empty glass to fill it up. You just stared at him, you felt bad about what had happened to him. You couldn't even imagine what he must be feeling right now. "I'm so sorry about what happened with your mother and for what my brothers did. I had no idea they were planning any of this. Which one of your brothers was it?"

"Finn." He downed what he could of the whiskey and refilled. He was obviously having a bad day.

"Were you two close?"

"No not really. He was a lot older and he spent the better half of the last millennium in a box for having a stick up his ass."

"Your family is something else."

He laughed a bit "You're telling me. So what happened to you today? Couldn't be any worse than my day."

"No but it wasn't any good." Kol just kept drinking and nodded along. "Went to my brother's house this afternoon to check in on them and make peace after last night. Turns out he and your sister hooked up last night. So I called him a hypocritical dick for yelling at me last night and for accusing me of sleeping with you then stormed out of the house and came here."

"So that's where Rebekah was last night. I'll have to remember to torment her later with that." He raised his glass and clinked it with yours, "Cheers."

"Cheers." You couldn't help but to stare at Kol. Despite everything he did last night you didn't hate him. He was different tonight, he wasn't cocky and confident he seemed genuine. About an hour and a bottle later. You were both pretty drunk, even for vampires. You found yourself once again wanting to spend more time with the jerk. After everything he did to your friend you still liked him, more than you probably should have. Everything about him just seemed so familiar and comfortable.

You decided it was best that you left before you tried to do anything you might regret. "I should probably get going, it's late."

"Do you need me to walk you home or get you a cab?" Kol started to laugh, "I'm trying to be nice here, I'm not sure it's working for me."

"No, I'll be okay. I don't live far from here." You got up and started to walk towards the door as Kol stopped you about half way.

"Hey (y/n) wait!" He grabbed your wrist and turned you around to face him. "I'm sorry about what I did at the ball yesterday. I was mad at my sister and I took it out on your friend Matt and your brother."

It fell silent between you two for a moment. Kol was still holding your wrist in his hand. You started to laugh, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just, you're apologizing for trying to kill my only friend and my brother and I've just forgiven you. I'm not even upset about it, Because I've been there before, when you're so mad at someone that you take it out on someone else. It's just so weird I should be mad at you right now but I'm not. Part of me likes you even more now." You just kept laughing at yourself. You were totally drunk off your ass. You didn't even realize you said you liked him out loud.

"Wait did you just say you like me more now? So you actually did like me before?" Kol smiled at you. You were mad at yourself for saying that out loud but glad you got Kol to perk up a bit. You noticed him moving a bit closer to you.

"Maybe" the alcohol was really kicking in. You felt more confident than you had in a long while.

Kol leaned down a bit so you two were closer together "Does that mean I still have a chance?"

"Maybe." You saw him glance down a few times to stare at your lips too. You both were waiting for someone else to make the first move. You were as close as you two could get without touching.

Tired of the waiting, Kol closed the gap between you. He pulled you closer by your wrists before moving his hands to the side of your face. Your hands ran up through his short brown hair. You could already taste the whiskey on him. It didn't take you long before you both were gasping for air and had to pull apart slightly. Neither of you could seem to decide what to say next.

You broke the silence, "You know on second thought I might need a walk home. My place is just two blocks over."

Kol pulled away from you and laughed. He quickly grabbed his coat from the back of his chair. He smiled and held his hand out to you "Well then, lead the way."

I just want to say thanks again to @hellish-ramblings-of-an-emo for helping me edit these and get these first few chapters out here. You have been such an inspiration to me and you make me want to write more everyday!

Also thank you to all the people who have been liking this story and I’ll be posting new chapter from now on every week! I would also love to take request for fic ideas to help me fill up this blog with stories.

#kol mikaelson #kol mikaelson x (y/n)#kol mikaelson x reader #kol x (y/n)#kol x reader #kol x you #vampire diaries #vampire diaries x reader

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curiousconch · 4 years ago

Text

Exit

Chapter 6 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU)

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Synopsis: Heather is taken hostage, but by whom? And she isn't alone. Rafael and Bryce set tries to find the missing link.

Pairing: Rafael Aveiro x MC (Dr. Heather Song) | Bryce Lahela x MC (Dr. Heather Song)

Words: 1.4k+ | Genre: Crime, Suspense/Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / violence, language

Author's Notes: Thank you so much for taking time to read this series. Please let me know if you want me to include/remove you in the tags list. Also, disclaimer: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song and an OC Jordan Anderson.

Heather was due for another week in Johns Hopkins. So even though she didn't feel up to it after last night's fiasco, she forced herself to pack her clothes from the washer and clean out her temporary room.

She snuck glances to Bryce's bedroom door, trying to muster up the courage to face him and apologize. She was drunk last night. Drunk people make the lousiest mistakes, especially when that person is an emotional wreck. Long kept secrets of the heart creep up to the surface, often loaded with regrets like ticking time bombs inevitably blowing up the next morning.

In the end, she decided not to tell him her impassioned speech about nothing good ever happens after 2am, a reference from their shared favorite sitcom. Instead, she washed and cleaned and packed, and when the time came, left without a single word. She thought it was best to leave him be, giving them both space to process what they've just revealed. They'll just deal with it after she's done with her commitments in Maryland.

So she booked a car. And with one silent goodbye, she stepped out into the empty hallways. Her steps felt heavy against the carpeted floors, feeling more and more rueful with each. She was about to turn to the elevator bay when the fire exit flew open behind her.

Before she could turn around to see, an arm grabbed her by the waist while a piece of cloth covered her mouth and nose, muffling her shouts for help. Her head began spinning almost immediately. It wasn't long before she completely blacked out.

***

When Heather came to, she only saw darkness. Her immediate reaction was to scream, only to whimper after realizing she was gagged. Panic rose within her chest, as she struggled to think straight. She tried to blink to no avail. She was living in a nightmare, and she badly wanted to wake up. So she had two choices - either be a victim or be a survivor.

She chose the latter.

With that, she began to assess her surroundings, using her limited capabilities. She could tell that her eyes were covered, and by the tingling pain in her wrists behind her, she knew she was tied up. Strangely, her ankles were free. While most of her senses were restrained, those that weren't became magnified.

Her back felt the hard floor, she banged her head against it, confirming her theory.

Concrete? Uneven. Unfinished?

She tried to stand up, her legs felt weak, almost like jelly. She tried another time, and succeeded on kneeling. She balanced herself and used her legs to stand up, one after another.

She heard the sound of plastic rustling in the wind, and the cold night air brushing against her face.

Seems like I'm somewhere cold. Is that wind coming from large windows?

All of a sudden, she heard voices. The sounds were inaudible, but she observed intense shifts in the faint conversation.

Two voices, another room? Are they arguing?

She tried to direct herself towards the voices, taking caution not to make a noise. The volume gradually increased, aiding her to understand the conversation clearly enough.

"You're one hour late and you didn't bring enough."

"Such a whiney brat. Did you get that from juvy?"

"It's a mystery why someone haven't punched you and your perfect teeth."

"Some guy already did. But you? I bet ten grand you wouldn't. You're just a piece of shit without my funding."

"Right, without your pockets lined with cash, what are you?"

"Uh, free man with lots of connections?"

The words didn't make sense to her, but the voices that threw them around sounded familiar. She strained to get closer, trying to think who they could possibly be. Before she could hear more, she stumbled, her body making a noisy thud as it quickly planted on the ground. She felt something hard scrape against her cheek, a warm liquid trickled after, then pain.

Blood.

She shifted her head sideways, her legs dangling over something she couldn't quite figure out from the thick fabric of her jeans. Then it moved.

She gasped and retrieved her legs, her mind racing.

Who is it? Bryce? Rafael?

Her anxiety rose as she struggled with the mere possibility that she wasn't the only one kidnapped. The danger of the situation suddenly becoming more grave.

Then the body elicited a groan, a sound similar with her failed attempt to scream earlier. She heard it grumble once more, and then again. It was in the third time that Heather finally figured out who the voice might belong to.

Senator Ed Farrugia's.

Like a bucket of ice, a bone-chilling realization came to her. If they went all this way to hostage the senator, what's gonna stop them from killing her?

Her panicked thoughts were invaded by the sound of steps approaching. In an instant, she felt that she was shoved upright in a sitting position. The same person grabbed her by the collar and dragged her body back to where she came from, making her bare feet blister and bleed against the rough surface. Her face touched edges of plastic as her body followed the steps of her attacker. She tried to swallow her screams in an attempt to preserve energy, but the hairs at the back of her neck gave her fear away. She was then banged against a wall, followed by silence.

A set of steps receded, probably of the person who just dragged her back to her original place. This was quickly replaced by another set of steps, producing a distinct tapping. Different shoes, different person. First one seems like running shoes, this one sounds like leather.

Without warning, her hair was pulled backwards, making her wail beneath the cloth in her mouth. She smelled the scent of cigarettes.

"You just won't go down without a fight, eh? Well good for you, doctor. This will be all the more enjoyable."

Finally giving in on her fears, she shivered. She knew that voice anywhere. It was a sound so despicable that she hated it ever since the first time she heard it. The one man who mocked her, brought her down since her intern year. Arrogant, ambitious and immoral. All the curse words in the world couldn't describe this person. It belonged to a man she never wanted to see, hear, nor be in the presence of ever.

It was the greatest scumbag of all time.

Declan Nash.

***

Rafael was in full blown recon mode for Senator Farrugia's disappearance when he learned that Heather was also missing. Elijah called in to check if she has contacted him for the last 12 hours, he wished she did, but he told him no. When he got off the phone, the conference room he was in suddenly felt crowded.

"Dr. Song is apparently missing too," he reported to the rest of the team working on the Farrugia case. "Let's find where and when she was last seen, and start from there. I have a hunch she's going to lead us to the senator." He called IT to extract Heather's phone logs and location pings before he stepped out for a moment to process this new information. He found himself slumping in the fire exit stairwell, feeling an urge to punch the wall.

When he was about to act on it, his phone rang. It was ADA Lahela.

"Have you heard?"

"Yes, I just got off the phone with Elijah."

"And Senator Ed?"

"Yes, we're trying to find leads for the past 3 hours since we were notified."

"Okay, have you checked her phone records?"

"IT is working on it now."

"Okay. She supposedly left the condo around 4am this morning. I heard her leave. That might be a good starting point."

Rafael made a mental note.

"I'm going to meet Perry. He's in the front and center of this thing. I'll let you know as soon as I come up with anything." Raf heard Bryce say, after which the line ended.

He felt like an idiot, a sinking feeling of regret drawing him in. But he couldn't wallow in it now. Not until they find her.

There's time for that later. Right now, Heather needs me.

Fired up with resolve, he went out of the desolate stairwell and worked. He immediately followed up on Heather’s phone logs and available electronic records. He also called up field agents to go down at Bryce's complex for a copy of CCTV footage for the past 24 hours.

Once the instructions were handed over, he focused on Travis Perry. He helped himself to a cup of black coffee, willing his mind to stay sharp. He pored over Perry's file, searching for anything they may have missed.

He sighed, pushing back his emotions to the back of his mind. It's quickly becoming one of the longest nights of his life.

Author’s Notes 2: When I wrote this, I thought of merging this with the next. I just felt that they're best read together. So instead of combining the two, I've decided to publish both chapters simultaneously. Both is packed, I know, even I got dizzy writing it. But I hope you'll enjoy the roller coaster ride as much as I did. Appreciate it if you could share your thoughts!

Taglist: @ramsey-lahela @eleanorbloom @choicesficwriterscreations

#open heart #open heart 2 #open heart fanfiction #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week #rafael aveiro #bryce lahela #rafael aveiro x mc #bryce lahela x mc #choices fanfiction #choices #pixelberry

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hardforbenhardy · 5 years ago

Text

period | benxfem!reader

summary: your period is the bane of your existence, and makes being in a new relationship a little awkward. you don’t want ben to know, because your too embarrassed; but of course, he finds out

warnings: fluff, fluff and even more fluff

word count: 2.6k

i love ben just as equally as i love roger so i decided to write one for him, hope you enjoy :)

The stabbing pains in your abdomen wouldn't leave, you felt like you could barely even move without going to throw up. It felt as if your stomach had been tied in a knot a million times, so tight that it was impossible to take a breath. An ear-splitting thumping resided in the back of your head, the sensation of a hot rod being pressed against the right side of your head. Your eyes filled with hot tears which allowed themselves to roll down your reddened cheeks, wetting the surface indefinitely. The pain was almost unbearable; no matter how often it happened, you were never able to get used to it. It happened every single month - the same week, the same amount of days, the same symptoms. Your period was the utter bane of your existence.

You had been to the doctor about it multiple times, all they could do was prescribe pills to ease the pain, though they barely did anything. The only benefit of said pill was that you and your boyfriend, Ben, didn't have to bother with protection when you went at it (as long as you'd both been tested recently of course) Thankfully, it wasn't something the two of you shied away from conversing about; you were both very open to each other about your sex life and that's what made it so much better. You both knew exactly what each other liked, what each other didn't like, the best positions; after only 4 months of being together, you and Ben were inseparable. Which honestly confused you a little considering you still found it extremely awkward and embarrassing to talk to him about your period. You didn't really know why, you knew it was nothing to be ashamed of and that it happens to everyone; but it just made you feel that little bit weak and kind of gross. Thankfully, your period did only last 3-4 days usually, so it wasn't hard to hide away from Ben's company during the time period; you would usually explain you have a lot of paperwork to get done so you couldn't allow yourself any distractions. Admittedly, Ben was a little suspicious that you were always so busy that you couldn't even text him, at the same time every month; but he believed you and he didn't want to bug you about it. Even if you were lying to him, he knew it must've been for a valid reason. Or at least, he hoped. This month, however, he wanted to see you; he had major news that he wanted to share as soon as possible.

The alert on your phone broke the silence of the room suddenly, making you jump a little, which sent a shot of pain surging through your body. You rolled onto your side as carefully as you could, clutching tightly onto your stomach in an attempt to alleviate any pain you could, to pick up your phone and squint your eyes to read it.

Benny💓

Love, I know you're busy, but I need to see you - can I come over? I have some major news and I want to tell you first! x

You felt a wave of anxiety rush over you as you tried to think of an excuse to keep him away. Though the idea of 'major news' intrigued you, you were in no shape at all to even see Ben, let alone get excited about whatever he had to tell you. Therefore, in an attempt to scare him away, you texted him back.

You

Sounds lovely babe, but I'm really really busy and if I don't have this work done, I'm getting fired for good! Wait for tomorrow x

Benny💓

But I can't wait! It'll probably be all over the news by tomorrow - I promise it'll take like 10 minutes of your time. Surely you should take a break, you've been at it for 3 days straight now x

You

Ben, if it's that important, then you can text it me. You can't come over.

Benny💓

Love, are you okay? You sound a little off x

Have I done something wrong?

Love?

You knew he hadn't, and you knew you shouldn't be taking out your pain on him; but your hormones were making you much more impatient than usual. You didn't answer, instead just threw your phone on the other side of the bed and groaned loudly, the tears began to roll down your cheeks again. You hated, absolutely hated, being rude to Ben; especially when he did nothing to deserve it at all. But your patience was running thin and if the only way was to ignore him and his texts, then that's what you'd do. Of course it didn't work at all, because about 10 minutes later you heard the front door to your apartment click open and Ben's voice shouting through "Y/N?"

You shot up off the bed, ignoring the huge amounts of pain it sent through you, to his deep voice echoing through your flat. Ben was partly expecting to either see you at the dinner table surrounded by a sea of books, or strangely to be met with the sounds of your moans; but instead it was just silence. You admitted defeat, knowing you now had no chance of hiding away from him any longer, so you just remained curled up in your duvet. "In here" You rasply shouting through to the hall, hoping he would hear you're dishevelled voice. You knew he had once you heard his footsteps racing down the hallway towards the door, his excited voice shouting through "I got the best news today, babe, it was from the producers of that film I auditioned for a few weeks back- Babe?"

You could sense Ben was now in the room due to the fact his voice was loud enough and not to mention the fact the room was now flooded with a bright light which sent you blind for a second or two. The pounding in your head only worsened with the sudden beams entering your sight, making you groan loudly in excruciating pain. You felt the bed dip slightly beside you and a hand shake your shoulder, but you resisted turning to face him as you knew full well you looked like an absolute mess. "Babe, what's wrong?"

"Ben, would you just fuck off" You snapped, the anger surging through your body after he blatantly went against your orders to not come over. However, you instantly felt regret and turned to face Ben - "B-ben, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that, I-I-"

"Y/N, please just tell me what is wrong, h-have you been crying? Have I done something wrong?" He breathed, his eyes beginning to glass over a little too at the sight of you, his mind searching for things he may have done to upset you in any way so he could reverse it, or at least try to. You went to sit against the headboard, trying your hardest to ignore the stabbing pains in your abdomen from the movement, which were making you wince loudly and more tears come out your eyes. Ben immediately grabbed the top of your arms to help lift you up, easing the strain the little and therefore the pain.

"N-no Ben, you've done nothing wrong I promise. I've just been ill for the past few days and I didn't want to trouble you was all" You rasped, your throat completely giving out. Ben furrowed his brows but immediately jumped off the bed to dial down the light to a more suitable level, knowing that it probably meant you had a headache and a bright light was the worst of situations for you right now.

"Love, not to be rude, but this isn't just feeling 'ill'. There is something seriously wrong with you - you are in pain whenever you move, you've got a migraine, you look like you've been crying all day every day, and you have bags under your eyes. Look, I'm calling the doctors and I'll get you an appointment, and in the meanwhile I'll stay here and keep you company, okay?" He explained, going to grab his phone out his pocket and dial the doctors.

"N-no Ben, you don't need to call the doctors! I promise, I'll be fine tomorrow, there's nothing to worry about"

"Y/N, there's a lot to worry about - you are in a lot of pain, and this happens every month at the same time, you block me out and by the sounds of it, everyone else. Please just explain-"

"I'm on my period Ben! Okay!" You snapped, your patience running thin. You honestly expected him to catch on to it by now, considering you weren't hiding it very well, but you had no choice but to shout it out. Your cheeks blushed when you realised what you had just admitted, and you went to pull the covers back over your head to hide yourself, but that didn't stop Ben from comforting you. You didn't notice his reaction to what you said considering you were too busy burying yourself in the silk sheets of your duvet.

"Honey, why didn't you just say so?" He comforted, making you peek your head out to look at him sat next to you. He climbed under the covers with you and pulled you tightly into his warm embrace, letting you sob softly into his chest.

"Because it's embarrassing Ben! We've only been together for a few months! It makes me feel weak, and I feel like a bitch all the time because of my hormones, a-and I feel gross" You stuttered, the positioning of your head mumbling the words and vibrating his chest softly. You felt Ben release a large puff of air and his arms tighten around your waist.

"Love, I'm not one of those guys who thinks you're disgusting because you menstruate. It's completely natural, and I couldn't care less if you are bleeding from your vagina or not - you tell me when you don't feel well and you let me care for you. I don't like seeing you like this - now I'm going to pop out for 10 minutes and then I'll be straight back, okay?" Ben grinned down at you, stroking his hand through your knotted hair in a calming manner. You groan a little at the idea of being alone again, but you know that Ben wouldn't leave you unless he absolutely had too so you nodded your head slightly, the movement straining your neck a little. A smile was plastered on your face at Bens word, however, feeling a little better about your period. At least you could talk to him about it now, and you would feel a little less removed or awkward. You felt shivers course through your body when Ben released you from his snuggly embrace and stood up beside the bed, pulling on his coat and grabbing the car keys. The ten minutes he was gone, you felt awful again - you felt nauseous, your headache was back, you felt like you we being stabbed a million times, but most of all you felt confused. With Ben by your side, you realised how alleviated you were of the pain from before, but all that was different was Bens comfort.

You were knocked out of your thoughts when the door slammed shut again, hearing Ben shout "I'm back" through the corridor. A grin stretched across your face when you looked up to see Ben stood in the doorway to your bedroom, holding 3 full shopping bags and also carrying multiple blankets and hoodies - his, to be exact. "I didn't really know what to get but I remember you telling me a few weeks ago that there were some movies you hadn't seen yet but wanted to watch, so I got them. I also bought you some chocolate - your favourite, obviously - and some ice cream. Oh, and I stopped at mine to grab you some of my hoodies because you always say how you like them"

"Only because they smell like you" You chuckle breathly, lifting your body to rest against the headboard and make grabby hands toward the bags, like a child asking for its sippy cup. Ben chuckled back, bringing the bags over to the bed and rushing to the kitchen to grab spoons so the two of you could dig into the ice cream. "I-I seriously can't thank you enough Ben, what did I do to deserve you"

"Love, you don't need to thank me. I love you so much, I don't want to see you like that ever again okay, so you tell me when you feel ill or upset so I can help you"

You couldn't really respond, your voice giving out, so you nodded gently and took a large bite of the mint ice cream. Ben laughed when you moaned at the sensation of the cold hitting your tongue, making you laugh too. Soon your mood changed, not in a bad way, but you found yourself crying instead of laughing. You seriously couldn't fathom how you had scored a boyfriend like Ben - he could have anyone he chooses, but he still chose you. Ben noticed that your laughter had turned to tears, and immediately dropped his spoon to help you.

"What is it love? Are you okay? Is it your cramps again? I got you some heating pads but I'm not sure how they work, let me just-" He fretted, but he was quickly stopped when he noticed me laughing again. "N-no, just hormones babe I'm fine. In fact, I'm a lot better now you're here- I guess you're like my cure or whatever. Could we watch one of those films you got and cuddle?"

He took one of the films out the bag and put in in your tv, while you stripped your top off and threw one of Bens baggy hoodies over your head, letting it bunch around your chin so you could smell the scent of Ben easily. It was your absolute favourite scent- there were all kinds of smells combined into one like some magical concoction; the smell of his cinnamon spice shower gel, his tea tree shampoo, cigarette smoke (which you didn't particularly like, but when tied in with everything else, it was like the cherry on the cake); but most prominent of them all was sandalwood. You considered this to be his natural scent, which you thought was a little ironic based on the fact that sandalwood's fragrance is closest to the human pheromone and is traditionally considered as an aphrodisiac, and you had never been more attracted to a man in your life. He chuckled at the sight of you taking a big inhale through your nose to really take in the smells, but you didn't care because you felt like you were in heaven. Ben threw himself back onto the bed, and cuddled up close to you, wrapping his arms around you waist and resting your head on his chest. Then you remembered the actual reason Ben had come round in the first place:

"What was your big news?"

"Oh, I completely forgot about that. I got that role I auditioned for a few weeks back, you know the one for that action movie." He grinned, making you squeal in excitement

"Really?! Ben that's amazing! I'm so proud of you!! How could you forget something like that!"

"Because whenever I'm with you, I swear everything else just disappears"

"I love you Ben Jones" You grin, your heart skipping a beat at his words. You had found the cure to your pain, when it had been there all along. It didn't surprise you one bit, but you were just glad you now had even more excuses to cuddle to the love of your life.

What did you do to deserve this man?

#ben #hardy #ben hardy #bohemian rhapsody #reader insert #oneshots #writing #fiction #ben x reader #borhap #borhap cast #queen fanfiction #fanfic

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solo-pitstop-vibes · 5 years ago

Text

Don’t Have to Tell Me Twice

A/N: I wrote this one kinda quick, maybe it’s not too bad. I’m trying to really work on my writing so I’m going to try to get the part two for Come Home to Me out soon. Enjoy!

Words: 2,333

"The murmur is gone."

The words that stopped your heart, your breathing, and echoed in your mind for weeks, months, days, and years. The second those four words slipped from your sweet Eugene's lips, your world stopped. You held it together, but that night you cried yourself to sleep. You knew Gene would be shipping off soon, off to fight the war that he had so desperately been trying to claw his way to. You didn't want him to go, you knew better than to beg, so you didn't dare ask him to stay. His heart was with the war, and if he didn't go, his heart would never be at home. So you collected yourself the best you could and came to terms with him leaving. You didn't know how long he'd be gone or if you'd ever see him again. You two had known each other for several years now, him being the first person you met when your family moved to town when you were 13, and now you were inseparable. You and Eugene had just been together as a couple for about 9 months when he shipped out.

Seeing him off at the train station almost broke your heart entirely. Especially when he gave you that adorable half-smile of his standing out on the platform.

"You better not run off and find another gal on your way home when the war is over," you had said, in an attempt to lighten the mood, a small grin on your face.

"I'll try my hardest darlin'. Ain't nobody as pretty as you though, gotta make sure I come home so no one steals the prettiest girl in Mobile out from under me," Eugene smiles that smile that made you fall in love with him all over again, and your blush could be seen a mile away. The whistle of the train caught your attention and broke your smiles. It was time.

"Don't forget, mother and father want you over for supper every Sunday afternoon, and you can take Deacon on a walk anytime you like. Don't be shy, they love you," Eugene reminded you.

"I know, Gene. Thank you for reminding me, I'll make sure to give Deacon extra lovin' since you won't be there to spoil him." That dog had gone everywhere with you two the past few years, he had become like a child between the pair of you. You never saw you two without Deacon. The train whistle blew again, meaning it was time for Eugene to board. Tears had started to well up in your eyes, and Eugene pulled you into a tight embrace.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. I'll be back, I promise. I love you (Y/N)."

You hugged him back with everything in your body before pulling away.

"I love you too Eugene," your hands settled on his chest and his came up to cup your face, pulling your lips to his. You knew the next kiss shared between you two would a very long time from then, but you never thought it would be nearly 4 years later. In your heart, it felt like an eternity.

—

Life had been passing by, but not truly lived while Eugene was away. You had kept Gene's reminder in check, and you had supper with his family every Sunday evening and walked Deacon at least every other day. Since Eugene had been gone, you had moved out of your family's house into a small one bedroom house closer to town. It was exactly what you wanted, and everything you could ask for. Your parents had offered to help you purchase the small home, in exchange that you took classes at Alabama Polytechnic, and kept a small job. Three or four days out of the week after your last midday class, you were an assistant in the office at the elementary school downtown. You always loved seeing the kids during the school year, and when the summers rolled around, they always let you help out the rest of the staff with any repainting they did around the school. Most of the staff had gotten to know you, so they always tried to keep you busy and your thoughts off the constant worry in your mind.

To everyone else, it seemed as if you were doing just fine, but on the inside, you were a pile of shattered glass. Each waking moment was a struggle, every moment was filled with dread and worry. Your worst nightmare was hearing the news that no one wanted to hear, the news that made mothers, fathers, siblings, and significant others crash to their knees and weep. Each letter from Eugene was a small relief, but his letters were filled with glimpses into the hell he was living. He tried his hardest to spare you the gore and the hideous details of each day in the Pacific, but you knew he was struggling to keep it together. You did your best writing him back, you never wanted to glorify the quaint life of Mobile. That was a cruel thing to do to a man in war. Eugene's letters often came months late, and you may only receive one every 3-5 months. When you other best fried, Sidney Phillips returned from the Pacific, he did his best to comfort you when you were down. Although, he was still trying to help himself to recover from the horrors he had seen in the war himself. Since Sid's return home, you both decided to at least have lunch with each other once a week, usually every Tuesday. You were actually the one to help him get up the courage to finally ask Mary Houston it, a girl he had been pinning after since he was a young teenager. After a few months of them dating, Mary started joining you two for lunch, and you and her became friends. This became your routine, every Tuesday you three would meet at the little diner downtown, have lunch, talk, and enjoy each other's company. A year passed and one day, the couple sitting across from you couldn't stop smiling at each other. It warmed your heart to see them so happy together, but this affection was a little more than usual.

"Okay, you two," you giggle, setting your coffee cup down on the table in front of you, "y'all haven't stopped smiling at each other since you walked up. Something tells me that something is goin' on here that I just don't know about yet. You best spill the beans before I have to pull it out of ya."

They both laughed and Sid caught your gaze, a broad smile on his face. It clicked in your head and you already knew what he was about to say. A genuine smile spread across your cheeks, "Well Sid I hate to tell ya, but you might have a few men try to jump you when you announce that the Mary Houston is officially off the market for good." You all laughed and Mary gushed about how romantic it was when Sid asked her to marry him. Their engagement started a new branch of your life that helped you pull through each day. Mary began including you in things with her friends, and she always had a list of things to ask your opinion on each Tuesday. You never let the news break to Gene, Sid said he wanted to break the news to him himself, so you kindly agreed. You helped them plan their small engagement party, which was held at the new banquet hall down by the bay. That night, your heart ached that you couldn't have Eugene by your side, but you put a smile on your face for everyone. The wedding creating a new thread in life for you, which helped brighten your days. The couple decided to wait until the war was over to have the ceremony, mainly due to the fact that Sidney wanted Eugene to be his best man, even though you offered to wear one of Eugene's old suit coats over your dress and be a stand-in. He declined the offer, saying you were too pretty to be standing in for Eugene, that he needed the real deal.

Between the wedding planning, working at the elementary school, and attending college, before you knew it, another year had passed. You were painting a large cartoon farm in one of the halls at the elementary school when the news rang out on the radio nearby. The other ladies helping you paint went frantic.

"The war is over!"

"The troops are coming home!"

"No more war!"

You were stunned, the paintbrush still tight in your hand.

"(Y/n)! Aren't you excited, your lover boy is coming home!" That comment caught you, and the rest of the day, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face.

You called Sid the second you got home, questions flying from our lips. When do you think Gene would be home? Do you think he'll come straight home? You also told him to ask Mary what you should wear to the train station. He only laughed and said, "Slow down speedy, I don't know the answer to every question you've got now. We'll just have to hear from Gene first, he can answer more than I can. He might be rounded up for some cleanup work, so it could be another few months, but Mary said she'd come over tomorrow to help you find something."

Turns out a few months ended up being six before you finally got word from Eugene that he'd be home soon. You were ecstatic, well that was more of an understatement. Your mood improved, your smile brightened, and your heart ached less knowing Eugene would be returning home, alive. The exact date of Eugene's arrival was kept strictly between him and Sid, Eugene said he wanted it to be a surprise, which you hated. That boy was going to be the death of you as if he hadn't caused you any heart troubles already. Awaiting Eugene's arrival you tried to keep yourself busy instead of just staring out the window all day, and Eugene's mother was a huge help. It was currently a cool fall evening, you were at the Sledge household helping Mrs. Sledge do some cleaning. She was inside washing some of her glass plates and cups that she had on display in the dining room, and you were outside hanging freshly washed bedsheets, curtains, and other linens. Humming to yourself lightly, you hung up a bedsheet. The soft fabric flowing in the wind as you pinned the corners to the clothesline.

"(Y/N), dear! You have a visitor, I'm sending them out to you," Mary Frank's voice rang out from the back steps. You didn't bother shouting out a response, not wanting to try and yell across the yard. It was probably either Mary Houston or Sidney. Anytime they couldn't find you or get ahold of you, they always came here. You hang up the last sheet in your basket and smooth it out before you finally lookup. Your heart stops, and you freeze in your place. Through the sheets floating in the wind, you catch a glimpse of dark green moving towards you. Maybe I'm just seeing things, you thought.

"Gene," your voice is barely above a whisper, the words struggling to come out. The wind blows harder this time, the sheets floating through the air almost horizontal this time, and that's when you see all of him. The black shoes, the dark green pants, and coat, with a hat to match. He looks so different but just the same, all at the same time. His skin is tan, his shoulders are broader, and he stands taller than before. He makes his way to you, your breathing uneven, your hands shaking. Please don't be a dream, if it is, so help me God. Eugene stands a few feet from you now, that smile that you love so much appearing on his lips. You didn't think your heart could beat any quicker, but, oh boy, weren't you wrong.

"My mother tells me that I'd be able to find the prettiest girl in Mobile out here, you wouldn't happen to know her would ya?"

His voice was slightly deeper, rougher but it sends waves of comfort through you. A smile broke out on your face, a faint blush covering your cheeks. Before you knew it, your body lurched towards Eugene's and you had wrapped your arms around him in a hug. Tears rolled down your cheeks as Eugene gently pulled your head from his neck, using his thumbs to wipe the tears. "Don't waste those tears on me, I'm home now. You don't have to worry anymore darlin'."

"Ya know, Mitch Haygood kept asking me on a date at least once a month while you were gone, he made the mistake of catching me out with your mother about six months ago. Let's just say, he never asked again," you both broke out into giggles, both knowing how Eugene's mother can be.

"I'm glad she handled it so I wouldn't have to go give him a talking to when I got back. Can't have anyone stealing my girl when I'm away," Eugene replied looking down at you. He simply held you there after he spoke, just looking at you. His hands were cupped around your cheeks and jaw, his thumbs brushing your cheekbones. Your hands grip at the uniform cinched at his waist. His tongue reached out to quickly swipe across his lips. You hadn't kissed those lips in four years, and if you didn't soon you felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest.

"You better kiss me, Eugene Sledge, before I go calling Mitch Haygood."

With a crack of that beautiful smile and a small rumble in his chest, Eugene replied, "Don't have to tell me twice, sweetheart."

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